“<span>Wehave to make a pit stop,”Isay toPalmerasIscour my email.We’remaking the most out of the continental breakfast at her extended-stay hotel.There’snothing like mass-produced hotel biscuits and gravy.ThisIcan actually make.Gravyisn’t<i ss="calibre2">that</i>far off from dip.
“Pitstop where?”
“Cancun,”Imumble asIreadMason’spanic-ridden email about how the presentation got bumped up and why the hellIhaven’t been answering my phone.Iquickly email him back, letting him knowIlost it, and thatIwill meet him atLegacyResortsby tomorrow.Idon’t bother telling himPalmerwill be with me.There’sno need for him to spaz out even more.
“Howthe hell is that going to work?”
Iblow out a breath in frustration.Iam so exhausted.It’sbeen the longest twenty-four hours of my life and not to mention not having my phone threw a real monkey wrench into things.Imust’ve left it in the ride-share or dropped it at theLasVegasairport.I’mnot sure.AllIknow is whenIgot through airport security,Icouldn’t find it anywhere.Luckily,Ihad myptop with me, meaningIwas able to effectively messagePalmerwith the airport’sWi-Fito tell her when and where to pick me up.
Tomy great shock and surprise, myJeepis still perfectly intact.Iwas expecting at least a broken taillight judging byPalmer’sreckless driving.
“I’mgoing to have to call in a favor withRoyaltyAirlines, yet again.”It’sa perk fromDr.Ruth, my mentor, thatItry not to abuse, but desperate times, desperate measures.She’sstill able to fly anywhere, anytime for free, courtesy of her prior position with thepany, and she extends this privilege to me wheneverIwant. “Wepark theJeepin long-term parking at the airport, fly five hours toCancun, do the presentation, fly back toAlbuquerque, and drive back toLasVegas.”
“Well, that sounds fucking miserable.”
“Yeah, it will be.Ready?Gocheck out at the front desk.Wehave to go.”
Palmer’sphone chirps in her annoying ringtone and she screws up her face when she snatches it off the table and checks the callerID. “Hey, you’re calling me.”
Sheholds up her phone and clear as day,<i ss="calibre2">Aves</i>with a heart is disyed on the screen.
“Finally!”I’vetried calling my phone a few times, but it went straight to voicemail.Luckily, someone found it.Itake the phone fromPalmer’shand and shoo her to the front desk. “Hurry,”Isay beforeIanswer the phone.
“Hello, this isAveryScott.Youhave my phone.”
“Well, hello,AveryScott.Ido have your phone.”
Ismile at the sound of his voice. “Finn.Where’dyou find it?”
“Nora,” he replies. “Iheard you’re inNewMexico.”
Myheart knocks likeI’min trouble.Itdoesn’t look great.Iran out onFinn, then spilled my guts to his ex in a ride-share.Butit was bizarre.Shewas so nice to me.BasedonPalmer’sreaction to the whole situation,Norawas being a cunning bitch, butIwas just pleasantly surprised she wasn’t openly cruel or snarky just becauseIwas withFinn.I’vehad enough mean girls this summer tell meI’mnot good enough for him.Iwas expecting the same fromNora, but it seemed like she understood the insecurity of being onFinn’sarm.Theconstant worry that someone was going to try and take what’s yours right from under you.Iknow she still loves him, butI’md she could be civil to me despite that.
“Ihave a lot of exining to do,”Isay simply.
“Thatyou do,Queen.”Buthe chuckles, letting me know we’re okay. “Canwe start with whether or not you’re upset with me?”
“<i ss="calibre2">Withyou?</i>Finn,Iscrewed up.Ishould apologize.I, um…IthinkIfound my limit.”Ilower my voice.IknowIdidn’t say the word threesome out loud, butI’mstill in a small breakfast crowd in a hotel dining room.AndIdon’t have time to exin my sexual exploration summer to this crowd of senior citizens.
“I’dsay.Wecan talk about everything when you get back.ButIwanted you to know that afterst night,Noratold me you don’t want to move toLasVegas.”
“It’snot what you’re thinking—”
“Ah, ah.Letme finish before you say anything else.”
Myheart thumps with nerves asIlean into the phone.CanFinntechnically dump me if we aren’t officially together?
“Lennoxgave me some advice.Shetold me to sit down and make a list of all of my deal breakers for a rtionship with you.SoItried, andIcouldn’te up with any.”
“Whatdo you mean?”
“There’snothingIwouldn’t endure to be with you.Because”—he clears his throat—“you told me in the champagne room that my lips feel like home.”
Iblush a little at my heat-of-the-moment deration of affection.Imeant it, though.
“Well, your heart feels like home to me.WhatIwanted you to understand is that the reason our sex is so good,Avery, isn’t because of what we’re doing, it’s because of<i ss="calibre2">us</i>.Andit’s going to change.Wewon’t always be going at it daily, but that doesn’t meanI’mnot going to be head over heels crazy about you.Whetheryou’re in sweatpants or a mermaid costume, you’re still a queen to me.Thehot moments are great, but so are the quiet ones.Idon’t need dirty talk, threesomes, or any other kink you think you need to fulfill for me.Ijust want you to be exactly who you are.”
Isuck in a breath. “Finn, please don’t make me cry in the middle of a continental breakfast.”
Hechuckles. “SorryI’msaying this over the phone, but you needed to know.Ifyou have to be inL.A. for a while, that’s okay.We’llmake it work.”
“Areyou serious?”
“Yes.”
<i ss="calibre2">Howis it possible he’s this amazing?</i>
“ButIwant to say all of this to your face, so when are youing back?”
“TheLegacymeeting got moved up.I’mgoing straight toCancun, then back toAlbuquerque, then driving back toVegas.So, a few days?Actually, canIask you a huge favor?”
“Letme guess.Feedthe fish?”
“You’rethe only other person who knows how.Thefish guy will be there sometime this week, but can you just make sure—”
“Isthe spare key still under that ugly toad statue by the back gate?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Allright, baby,Igot you.I’llfeed the fish and you go knock your presentation out of the park.Youjust enjoy yourst few days.”
“Enjoymyst few days of what?”
“Beingsingle.Becausethe minute you get home,I’mmaking you mine, officially.Nomore gray area.Nomore questions about what we’re doing.Anddefinitely no more kissing other people.”
“Good, okay, that sounds—”
Thecall waiting beeps, soIpull the phone from my ear to check who’s calling.I’mmistaken.It’sjust a text message, but the notifications make me catch my breath.<blockquote ss="text-conversation">
MASON
I’ing clean toAveryafter theLegacydeal is secured.
We’reover,Palmer.Forgood this time.Iwant her back.</blockquote>
“Avery?”IhearFinnask through the phone, but my head goes fuzzy.Myheart is tingling with nervous anticipation.Thesame sick feeling of dread you get at the top of a roller coaster when you know you’re about to take a plunge.
“Finn, that sounds perfect, butIhave to go.We’lltalk soon.”
Ihang up and open the message thread.PalmerandMasonwere friends while we were dating, andPalmerhas stepped in as my intermediary through the worst part of our breakup, soI’mnot surprised that they text.
Whatsurprises me are all the naked pictures.
Allthe dirty text messages.
The<i ss="calibre2">Ilove yous</i>and<i ss="calibre2">Iwant yous.</i>
Myheart has copsed, but my investigative brain doesn’t fail me.Iknow what’s going on, butIwant details.Ineed more facts.<i ss="calibre2">Thisis my best friend and my ex-boyfriend.</i>Ofall the people to rebound with.<i ss="calibre2">Howthey hell could they do this to me?</i>
Irun across a familiar message and can confirmMason’sfirst lie to me.Rumbleapp, my ass.Hemust’ve identally duplicated the message and sent it to me because he was talking to me andPalmerat the same time.Whata snake.<blockquote ss="text-conversation">
MASON
Iwant to see you tonight.It’sbeen over a month.Ineed that sweet pussy in my mouth again.</blockquote><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
PALMER
Comeget it.Youknow whereI’mstaying.</blockquote><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
MASON
It’seither a flight or a twelve-hour drive toAlbuquerque.</blockquote><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
PALMER
I’llmake it worth your while.</blockquote>
Ittakes me another minute of scrolling beforeIrealize the damage runs so much deeper.
<i ss="calibre2">Thiswas no rebound.</i><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
MASON
I’mgiving her the ring, tonight.</blockquote><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
PALMER
Whyare you going to propose if you don’t love her?</blockquote><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
MASON
Stop.It’sover.Wecan’t do this anymore.</blockquote><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
PALMER
Howcan you choose her after years of telling me you love me?</blockquote><blockquote ss="text-conversation">
MASON
BecauseIlove her, too.</blockquote>
Themessages are constant, andIscroll as far asIcan beforeI’veseen enough.It’sbeen a back-and-forth saga of betrayal, guilt, and jealousy andIsee clearly for the first time in my life whyPalmerloves me so much…why she needs me close.
Sheloves apetition that she knows she can win.
Itake a couple of screenshots of the messages and text them to myself, prayingFinnisn’t going through my texts.IfMasongetting pissy over theLegacydeal was enough to causeFinnto puff up like a bear and threaten him, imagine his reaction when he finds outMasomitted the ultimate crime inFinn’seyes.
Iwatch her finish at the check-out desk and return to our table.Ina single moment,Palmer’sentire appearance has changed.She’swearing the same blue jean shorts and baggie crop top hoodie.Herblond hair is pulled back in the same wispy ponytail that it was ten minutes ago, but the person who joins me at the table has an entirely different identity.
Sheslumps into a chair across from me. “Fuckersare trying to charge me for incidentals over some stupid cheapmp.”Shegroans. “Iam so excited not to live in a hotel anymore.”Sheexamines my face and her lips fall into a hard line. “Areyou okay?”
“Ineed my keys,”Iforce out.
Sheyanks her purse from her shoulder and fishes out my keys. “Ofcourse.Iassumed you’d drive.”Handingthem over, she asks again, “What’swrong?”
Igrip my keys so hard my knuckles turn white. “Doyou have any idea how muchIlove you?”Iask.
“What?Yeah…”
“No,Idon’t think you do,Palmer.See,Ithink you were the first person outside of my parents thatIever really loved with my whole heart.”
Sheholds her hand to her heart but squints.Irealize my message and my tone don’t match, so she’s confused about how to respond. “Areyou okay?Whocalled from your phone?”Shepoints to her phone in front of me.
“EverythingIknow about how to be in a rtionship of any kind came from you.Itwas symbiotic.You’rea taker, so naturally,Ibecame a giver.Ibecame a giver to everybody.IncludingMason.Hewanted a nice girl, a homebody, no drama, hard worker…”
“Okay…Avery, you’re freaking me out.”
“Buthe wanted a<i ss="calibre2">skank</i>, too, didn’t he?AndIcouldn’t be that, so you were happy to step in.”
Herface freezes. “Don’t—”
“Iknow.<i ss="calibre2">Iknow everything.</i>Don’tinsult me by ying stupid.Areyou really in love with him, or was it just entertaining to y me for the fool?”
Hereyes start to well. “No…no.I’msor—I’mso, so—<i ss="calibre2">Sorry.</i>”
Shecan barely get her words out as she breathes in short heaves and fear fills her eyes.Idon’t know why she’s hyperventting like that.I’venever struck a person in my life.I’mnot about to start now.Maybeshe’s afraid because she knows the only damn person in this world who’s been loyal to her…
Isabout to leave her in the dust.
“Justbe honest.Howlong?Iat least know you tried to talk him out of proposing to me.That’sallIneeded for our friendship to be over.Sotell me the truth.You’vegot nothing to lose.You’vegot<i ss="calibre2">no one left</i>to lose.”
Herface goes ghost white and red splotchy patches form on her cheeks as her eyes fill with tears. “Sinceyour first date,” she says through cries. “I’veloved him as long as you have.”
Iscoff at the ridiculous sentiment. “That’snot love,Palmer.Youhelped turnMasoninto a cheating, spineless excuse of a man.Ibrought out the good parts of him.Youbrought out the worst.Maybethat’s why he kept me around…Becausehe didn’t like what he was with you.Butat the end of the day, guess which version of himself he chose?”
Shesobs harder. “Youdon’t understand—”
“Stop.Youcould’ve talked to me,”Imurmur, my anger cooling, just for a moment asIwatch her all but copse in front of me. “Youcould’ve been honest about your feelings.Iwould’ve let you have him,Palmer.I’veonly ever wanted you to be happy.Iused to thinkMasonwas a good guy andIwanted a good guy for you.”
“Iknow.Ishould’ve talked to you,Avery,<i ss="calibre2">please</i>.<i ss="calibre2"></i>I’mso sorry.”Shetents her hands over her face.
“It’sgood you didn’t, though.”
Herbrows quirk upward. “What?”
“Ineeded this to happen, to see what you really are.I’vemade so many excuses for you for so long.ButIcan’t excuse this.”
Shehangs her head again.Ifshe had hope for forgiveness, she must know that’s gone now.
“Youknow what the shitty part is?”This belongs ? N?velDra/ma.Org.
Shewon’t meet my eyes.Instead, she shrivels in her seat and merely shrugs.
“Iwant to tell you that you’re a slutty, conniving bitch.Iwant to hate you so much, butI’mjust sad.That’swhat happens when you really love someone,Palmer.Theyhave the power to cut you to the core.”Myvoice grows cold once more, and the tearsI’veheld back for so long, from hating myself in pictures, from all the crushes that pickedPalmer, from getting dumped, from all the mean girls who hated seeing me withFinn, from the feelings of inadequacy as a woman…
Ilet them flow…
SoIcan finally let them go.
BecausenowIknow the source of all this insecurity in my heart.Itwas becauseIwasn’t just ignoring the red gs.Iwas wrapped in the warning g for twenty goddamn years in the form of my best friend.
“Gettingdumped byMasonwith a fucking ring on my hand isughablepared to howIfeel right now.<i ss="calibre2">Why?</i>Whydid you do this?Iwas such a good friend to you.”
“Iknow,” she whispers. “Idon’t deserve you.”
“Agreed.”Forthe first time ever,Ichange the narrative. “<i ss="calibre2">Andyou no longer have me</i>.”
“Aves, please forgive—”
“No.Don’teven ask.Thisis unforgivable,Palmer<i ss="calibre2">.</i>”Ibrush at my tears, but it’s useless.We’reboth openly sobbing and have attracted the attention of every single person in the room.Irise in my chair, my keys still clutched in my fist. “ButI’mgoing to be okay because onceIcut the dead weight,I’mgoing to feel free and happy.Foryou, however,Ihope the anchor of shame, guilt, and loneliness drags you to the bottom of the ocean so you can drown in how pathetic you are.”
Shemumbles something into her hands, but it’s iprehensible through her open bawling.
“Inever want to see you or hear from you again.Fromnow on, figure out your own shit.Startingwith your own way back home.”
Withthat,Irise and head through the sliding doors of the hotel.Ifind myJeepand unlock the trunk.I’mimmediately annoyed that the smell ofPalmer’sperfume has saturated it, andIget a giant whiff of betrayal<i ss="calibre2"></i>as the trunk door lifts.Nomatter.I’llroll the windows down going seventy on the highway and the stench will eventually dissipate.
IyankPalmer’sluggage that we loaded this morning out of the trunk and ce it on the curb.Withoutanother moment of hesitation,Istart the engine and peel out of the parking lot.
Idrive away…
Changed.
Nomore pacifying.Nomore cating.NomoreBand-Aidsfor bullet wounds.
I’mready for a true fresh start.