Abouttwo exits shy of the airport,Iremember a conversationIhad withDr.RuthDonovon.Afterher big win with consulting forRoyaltyAirlines, they of course offered her a board advisory position.Dr.Donovonhas done very well for herself, but she could’ve owned the entire block she lives on inKeyLargoif she wanted to.Whatstopped her?
WhenIwas debating switching my major from science to business and was scared to lose all the credit hours, she told me to<i ss="calibre2">reverse</i>dissect my life.Don’tthink about my goals and what it takes to get there.Shetold me to picture my day-to-day life and think about whatIwanted to fill my moments with.Dr.Donovontold me to let happiness build my goals.Sheloved to teach…so that’s what she continued to do until retirement.
WhenIthink about what makes me happy in my day-to-day,Ithink aboutDexand his scuba divingpany.Iremember all the random fish factsIknow—even before this summer and my obsessive deep dive intoCherryBarbs—all because ofDex’senthusiasm.
Ithink aboutFinn’sphotography business and how nervous he is to take risks.Howhe needs me to hold his hand through some of the riskier aspects of small business ownership.He’ssuch a manly man, it’s quite endearing to see him nervous about something.Hehas a gap thatIcan actually help fill, and it feeds my soul.
Inever strived to be rich.Endlesstravel and luxury resorts are not whatI’mpicturing for my life.Iwant rtionships…real friendships…Iwant to try new things, to learn new facts, andIwant to be as immersed and passionate about my projects asDexis about scuba diving and asFinnis about boudoir photography.
Ino longer needPalmerto talk me out of a sound decision, andIcertainly am not going to consult withMasonabout anything, soIpull off shy of the exit and pull into aWalmart.
Afterpurchasing a prepaid phone, two blueberryRedBullsand enoughChexMix, protein drinks, powdered donuts and waters to fuel a ten-hour drive back toLasVegas,Imake a difficult call to leave aplicated voicemail.
“Hello, this isHunter.”
<i ss="calibre2">Shit.</i>“Oh, hi!”Ishoot up in the driver’s seat and brush the powdered sugar off my shirt like he can see me through the phone. “Mr.Mahan, it’sAveryScott.”
“Avery.Hi.We’vebeen trying to call you—”
“I’mso sorry.Ilost my phone back at home.”Ipause…<i ss="calibre2">home.</i>Itjust flowed right out of me.<i ss="calibre2">HomeisLasVegas.</i>Homeis nowFinn. “MayIask why you’re answering an unknown number?”
“Goodtiming,Iguess,” he says through a halfugh. “I’mactually getting ready to board my flight as well.I’massumingMasontold you the meeting got bumped up?Didyou get everything squared away with travel?Isthere anything you need in the meeting room for tomorrow?”
Ilet out an exaggerated exhale. “Mr.Mahan—”
“Hunter, please.Ohshit…you’re noting, are you?”
“No.I’mnot.”
“Fuck.Sorry, that was unprofessional, but…<i ss="calibre2">fuck.</i>We’rescrewed, aren’t we?Evenyou think we should dissolve?”
<i ss="calibre2">“</i>No.”Imake sureI’mas emphatic as possible, thenIclear my throat. “Hunter, do<i ss="calibre2">not</i>dissolveLegacyResortsor any of its subsidiaries,<i ss="calibre2">please</i>.Thpany is in fantastic shape, and you guys have the potential to blow yourpetition out of the water.”
“<i ss="calibre2">Great.</i>FlytoCancunand tell that to the board,<i ss="calibre2">please</i>.”
ugh. “Listen, you have a board member,WaceFrank—”
“Yeah,Mr.Frankis our most senior advisor.”
“He’sa snake in the garden, my friend.Idid some digging, and he just invested over sixteen million dors intoLegacy’sbiggestpetitor.He’snot rallying the board members to do what’s best for thepany…he’s bought and paid for,Hunter.”
“You’reshitting me.”
“No,I’mnot.Thisis as close to insider trading as you can get, so you could go to the authorities,<i ss="calibre2">or</i>you could inviteMr.Frankto remove himself from the board in exchange for your oversight of the matter.Thenyou need a few little tweaks to your branding strategy.”
“Suchas?”
“LegacyResortsshould stay luxury.Itjust also needs to be kid friendly.Parentswant to enjoy adult time, knowing their kids are safe.Youshould take a page fromRoyaltyAirline’sbook.Investin high-end childcare with actual teachers with security cameras, rotating daily activities, and a little curriculum.Parentslove when their kids have fun learning.Andget the kids involved in the luxury aspect.Mommyand me spa days,Daddyand son mini-golf.Makesure all the restaurants have kid-friendly menus and have family versus adult dining times.Youdon’t need to exclude anyone from the resorts, just segment out the experiences.Thepossibilities are endless.Familyluxury—that’s the only hook you need.”
“Avery, it’s a great idea.Wecould really use you.AndIgot your email aboutArrowexclusively consulting forLegacyResortsand bringingMasonon board, and we’re willing to y ball.Whateverthe cost to get you to sign with us.”
Iam not a saint.Iam not perfect.Iam a human being and an opportunity has presented itself.Sueme.
“Hunter, ifI’mbeing honest,Masonis subpar at best.Hegets his work done, but honestly a chimp might be more productive.Thebottom line is he is receable and is absolutely not worth a seven-figure sry.<i ss="calibre2">I</i>am the backbone ofArrowConsulting…which is no more.MasonandIare splitting the business and parting ways.”
“Oh,Ispoke to him this morning and he didn’t tell me that.”
<i ss="calibre2">Hedoesn’t know…yet.</i>“Hewas probably trying to be professional.Butthe bottom line is,I’mno longer avable.Iam so ttered and appreciative of the opportunity, butIthink my heart is in small business, soI’mgoing to focus my attention there for a while.ButIcan give you some ster rmendations, and you have my number.Canytime andI’llbe happy to bounce around ideas with you.”
“Howabout another fifty thousand?”
“Hunter—”
“Sixty-k and apany car?”
“Hunter—”
“Seventy-k, apany car, andIturn a blind eye if you use thepany ck card every now and then.Thereis literally no limit on that card…you could buyTahiti.”
Isnort. “That’stempting.”<i ss="calibre2">Notreally, though.</i>
Idon’t wantTahiti.Iwant pajamas,Iwant thrift shopping girls’ days with a friend likeLennox.Iwant a cuddly man who will watch a movie with me…and then bend me over the side of the couch and spank me a little.Ijust want tough, breathe, learn, and rx.Idon’t want to work sixty hours a week anymore.It’snot worth the prestige.Ijust want to enjoy my life and build a family.
“There’snothingIcan do to convince you?”
“No,I’msorry.”
Hegrumbles. “Allright, well, expect a few follow-up emails from me that will involve a little more begging.”
ugh. “Fairenough.”
“Thanksfor the call,Avery, and for the information aboutFrank.I’mgoing to go talk to ourCEOand we’re going to take out the trash.”
“Good.Irecently did the same.Feelsgood.”
“Takecare.Gethome safe.”
<i ss="calibre2">Home.</i>“Iwill.”
Ithought my anger and angst would fuel me through the drive, butIcouldn’t swing it.Ihad to stop at a hotel and sleep a bit beforeIdrove myself right off the road.Letthe record show,RedBullsare good for nothing except their tastiness.
WhenIpull intoDex’sdriveway the next morning,Isee the fish guy’s van parked on the side of the road.<i ss="calibre2">Great.</i>Ijust want to go to sleep.Ihave a crying hangover.Myeyes are puffy, my head hurts, my back aches from this long drive.I’mnot an idiot.Idon’t care how angryIam atPalmer.Ijust lost the longest, most significant rtionship of my life.
Friendshipsdon’t have to end.Theyaren’t exclusive.Iwas always taught to<i ss="calibre2">keep the old and make the new</i>.Thedynamics can change.Youcan go from talking daily to yearly.Sometimesfriends can drift apart and then snap back together.Theyneed each other in different ways at different stages of their lives.Lovedoesn’t have to fade due to distance.Friendshipscan endure…
Unlesssomeone sabotages the rtionship.
Palmercould’ve prevented this.Shecould’ve kept it in her pants.Shecould’ve talked to me.Shecould’ve found a way to love me, almost as much as she loved herself.Butshe didn’t.Andit’s going to hurt for a very long time.
I’mgoing to heal…
Butfirst, it’s going to hurt.Andthat’s okay.
Leavingmy bag in the car and only bringing in my purse,Itrudge through the front door.Ihave no energy to immediately unpack likeInormally do. “Hey,FishGuy,”Icall out.
“Hey,FishLady,” he calls back with a chuckle at our little inside joke.Allkidding aside,Idon’t know his real name.It’sbeen over two months…Ican’t ask now.It’stoo awkward.
Isee my phone sitting on the kitchen counter next to a sealed white box with a note on top:<blockquote ss="written-note">
You’rebeautiful.You’reworthy.This belongs ? N?velDra/ma.Org.
–Finn
P.S.IpromiseIdidn’t look.</blockquote>
Notright now.Iwant to look, butI’ma little too fragile at the moment.Ican’t take any more hits right now in caseIdon’t like what my boudoir photographs look like.It’snot untilIgrab a bottle of water from the fridge and head to my phone doIsee the travesty in the sink.
Cherry…
Outof water, dead in a small dish.
Isqueal in shock asIdrop my bottle of water.
“Whatthe fuck?”Isquelch.Myreaction causes the fish guy to stop tinkering with the living room tank and head in my direction.Hedodges the spilled water with his sock-covered feet and scoops up the water bottle from the ground. “Whendid she die?”
Iknow she’s a fish…
Butdamn.
Myhead starts to pound asIhold back a fresh wave of tears that hits me.Goddammit.Treacheryand tragedy are just fucking exhausting.
“Ifound her belly up whenIgot here an hour ago.I’msorry.Ishouldn’t have left her in the sink.Ididn’t know you’d be here.ButIdon’t flush fish, it’s not good for plumbing or the ecosystem.”
“What’reyou going to do with her?”I’mnot going to be a child and suggest we have a service and proper burial…but if he offers,Iwill go put on a ckT-shirt right now.
Heraises his brows at me. “Chum.”
“Oh,God.”Ipout. “Pleasedon’t tell me that.Ireally liked this little fish.”
“You’rea fan ofCherryBarbs, huh?”
“Yeah, she used to be super spazzy, but she slowed down.Thestripe along her belly,I’massuming it was cancer.Ijust hope she went peacefully.”
FishGuybagsCherryand the dish up and sets her by his ck supply bag with the blue stripe, which matches his uniform. “It’snot cancer.SomeCherryBarbshave those markings.Theycan even get translucent.”
“Shedidn’t have a stripe whenIfirst got here,”Isay. “Itdeveloped as she slowed down.I’mpretty sure she was sick.”
“What?”Helooks at me likeI’mcrazy as he runs his hands through his curly hair. “No, it died because these are social fish.Ikeep tellingDexhe needs to either get a separate tank or move some of these fish to make room for multipleCherryBarbsbecause they like to live in clusters of their own.I’vegone through three since you’ve been here.Theyare dying because of shock and istion.”
There’sa brief knock at the front door before it opens and in walks the shirtlessAdonisof a man that still takes my breath away after almost an entire summer of seeing his naked body.
“Hey,Queen, what are you doing home?Ithought you were still inMexico.”Hepreemptively spins his baseball cap around, because even though he’s sweaty and was clearly just on a run,Iknow exactly what’s on his mind.I’msmashed against his sweaty, hard abs in an instant and his lips find mine briefly. “Cana man get a call, for goodness’ sake?”Hepoints to my phone on the counter. “Ileft it here for that reason.”
“Iliterally just got home.”Ipress my finger against his lips and lean away to look back atFishGuy. “I’msorry, can you finish what you were saying?”
“AbouttheCherryBarbs?Theyare school fish, so they need to—”
Ihold up my hand. “No, no, the part where you said<i ss="calibre2">they</i>are dying?Whatdo you mean by<i ss="calibre2">they</i>?”
Hesquints at me. “FishLady,I’vereced thatCherryBarbthree times since you’ve been here.Youdidn’t notice?Thetwitchy one you’re talking about died weeks ago.”
Icover my mouth and gasp into my hand asIwiggle out ofFinn’sarms.
Helooks shocked at my downpour of tears. “<i ss="calibre2">Whoa, baby</i>.Overa fish?”
Ican’t stop myself.Iopenly sob. “<i ss="calibre2">Yes.</i>”Ipoint atFishGuy. “Thatwas so fucking sneaky.Youcan’t just rece people’s fish without telling them…<i ss="calibre2">That’sa lie.</i>Ithought one thing…and…it was<i ss="calibre2">all a fucking lie</i>.It’sgoing behind someone’s back and changing their perception of reality and making them doubt their sanity.IthoughtIknew her…we were so close.Isaw her every day…how didInot know?”
There’san awkward lull as the two men in the room watch me weep over my dead fish friend.Onlyone of them realizesI’mnotpletely insane, and there’s obviously so much more behind my reaction to this news.
“Um…Ibrought anotherCherryBarb.Doyou want me to put it in the tank or…Imean, is this legitimately upsetting you?Oris this ady time of the month thing?”
Finn’sexpression fills with annoyance, and he nces atFishGuyfrom the corner of his eyes. “Canyou give us some privacy?Maybeyou forgot something in your van.Gocheck,”Finnsays in a gruffmand. “Now, please.”
Finnwaits until the front door clicks closed before he wipes my tears away with his thumbs. “What’sgoing on?” he asks softly. “Thiscan’t just be about a fish.”
Isniffle. “Ialmost gave you up for her.Ialmost picked her over you.”Finn’sso patient.Hejust nods asIbabble nonsensically. “That’swhyIwasn’t going to move.Palmerneeded me, soIhad to go back toL.A. to be there for her.Ipromised.Ikeep my promises.”
“Iunderstand,”Finnsays. “That’syour best friend.It’sokay,Avery.Itold you, we’re going to make it work—”
“She’sbeen sleeping withMasonfor four years, behind my back.<i ss="calibre2">Years,Finn.</i>Iam so fucking stupid and clueless.Ihad no idea.Maybethe signs were there andIdidn’t want to see it.I’vejust been working and working,pletely blind to the fact that everyone was living their life, except me.”
“Thefuck?” he whispers. “PalmerandMason?You’renot serious.”
Inod asIcontinue to ugly cry. “I’vebeen missing out on so much, worried about everybody else, but now,I’mworried about me.Isaid no to theLegacyResortsjob.I’mdone withArrowConsulting.There’snothing for me inL.A.Idon’t have anything to go back to…<i ss="calibre2">and</i>my fish is dead.”
Hepulls me against his chest andIbreathe in his salty, musky skin.IfeelFinn’slips on the top of my head.Helets me sob against him, my tears running down his chest and abs.Strokingmy back, he shushes me sweetly and tells me it’s okay.WhenI’vesettled and we can hear ourselves over my open weeping,Finnsays, “Howabout we don’t go back?Eitherof us.Howabout we try forward?Together.”
“Forwardis good, but…”Ikiss his pec and then step out of his embrace.Takinga deep, calming breath,Icontinue, “Ihave to do this differently this time.So,Finn,Ithink you’re way out of my league—”
“Avery,” he interrupts, rolling his eyes.
“Letme finish.Butjust because you might be the sexiest man on the, doesn’t mean you don’t have to earn me.”
Hegrins wide. “Okay.HowdoIearn you,Queen?”
“Iwant a date night more than once a year.Infact,I’dlike an official date night once a week, and at least once a month we put on nice clothes and leave the house and<i ss="calibre2">flirt</i>, in public.”
“Done.”
“Wait,I’mnot finished.”
Hesmiles again. “Needygirl.”
“Iwant you to teach me how to cook.”
“Youcan finish your demands in my arms, baby.”Hereaches back out and grabs me by the hips. “Iwill happily teach you how to cook, if we can have a dip buffet for dinner every now and then, too.”
“Fairenough.”
“Whatelse?”
“Iwant to walk with you.AndIdo mean<i ss="calibre2">walk</i>, not run.ButIwant a rtionship where we do outside stuff sometimes.Idon’t want to stay behind aputer screen for twelve hours a day.Iwant to be healthier all around.”
Hesqueezes my hips. “Okay, we can do outside stuff together.”
“AndIdon’t ever want another woman in bed with us.Idon’t like it.”
Henods solemnly. “Meneither.Neveragain.”
“Andthe big one…”
Finnwidens his beautiful baby blue eyes. “Gofor it.”
Iinhale and hold it for a moment beforeIexhale. “I’mnot waiting four years to get married.Wedon’t have to rush, butI’mnot going to ignore my needs for yours.Wecan alwayspromise, but if it is going to take you half a decade to decide whether you want to spend your life with me,Iwill walk away.Iwant a family.Iwant a home.”
“Okay,”Finnsays. “Ihear you loud and clear,Queen.”
“AndIdon’t ever want you to stop calling meQueen.”
“Finewith me.”Hetries to kiss me again, butIlean back.Heraises his brows, his patience running a little thin.Ithink he’s ready to start our happily ever after. “Anythingelse?”
“No, that’s everything from my end…Butwhat about you?Whatdo you need?”
Finntouches his smooth lips against mine.It’snot a kiss, just a touch.Herubs his nose against the tip of mine. “Justthis.Ineed you to never stop telling me what you need.Iwant you to cry in front of me, soIknow how you’re feeling andIcan try and fix it.Nomore running out on me when you’re upset and making me worry.”
“Ican do that.”
“Good.”
“Allright,FinnHarvey.Well, now that that’s all settled,IthinkI’mready to fall in love with you.”