There’sa nervous jolt in my chest asIpush through the tension-filled gate separating my yard fromDex’s.Ihear the buzz and bubble of the hot tub.
Avery’salready in the tub.
Herhair is pulled up in a sloppy bun, little strands of loose hair caressing her face.She’smakeup-free, and her cheeks are pink and flushed from the heat.Herpretty eyes are sparkling under the dim deck lights.
Ihold up the six-pack of beer. “Iguess you chose to keep mepany tonight.”
Shesmiles and nods. “ThatIdid.Howwas your run?”
“Grueling.”Iset the six-pack down and pull off my shirt andy it on the back of a patio chair.Ifeel her eyes on me, but she quickly diverts her gaze whenIturn around. “Youcan look,Avery.I’mnot shy.”
Chucklingnervously, she covers her eyes. “Okay, you’re unnaturally hot.Youhave to know that, right?Goodgrief, you’re fit.”
<i ss="calibre2">Whatthe fuck amIsupposed to say to that?</i>“Thankyou?”
“Itmust get annoying when women stare at you like a piece of meat.Mybest friendPalmeris a total knockout.Everytime we go to a bar, she gets groped or fed some sleazy line just because she’s good-looking and has a great body.”Averytwists her lips as she teeters her head from side to side. “You’dthink it’d feed her ego, but it doesn’t.Menwant to see her naked, but they don’t care about her name or what she does for a living.It’scrass and it gets to her more than she admits.Herentire identity is wrapped up in how she looks and it’s not fair.I’mtrying not to do that to you in case you feel the same.”
“That’sawfully considerate of you.”
“Well,Irespect hot people problems, you know?It’snot likeIhave them, butIrespect them.”Averysnorts at her little joke whileIplunge into the water without testing the temperature.Iknow the heat is turned all the way up the wayAvery’sskin is so pink and raw.
“Doyou work out?”Iask.
Averyrolls her eyes. “Finn, you’ve seen me pretty much naked.Youknow the answer to that question.”
“I<i ss="calibre2">don’t</i>know the answer.That’swhyIasked.”
Averyflicks a little water in my direction across the tub. “Ilike to walk sometimes, but that’s about it.”
“Iwork out a lot.”
“Shocking,” she says with a wink.
“Notto look good,”Iadmit. “Forstress relief.It’sthe only wayIcan work out my anxiety and frustration.Soyou may see a hot body”—Igesture to my chest—“but this is all the product of a lot of shitty stuffI’mworking through.”Ishrug. “Lookscan be deceiving.”
Hersmirk ttens, and the corners of her lips turn down in concern. “Whatstuff?”
“Nope.Notgoing there tonight.Thehot tub is for rxation.”Iwaggle my finger at her beforeIwade across the tub to stretch out my legs, and quickly return to the six-packIbrought.Ipop the lid on twoskanAmbersand handAveryone.Istay standing, lingering by her side. “Howwas your day?”
“Good,” she says, smiling wide.
I’msilent asItake a swig from my beer.Butshe doesn’t continue.Sheclearly doesn’t like being the center of attention. “Whatdid you do?”
“Ijust worked a little.”
“Onwhat?”
Shelets out a little huff of annoyance, understanding whatI’mdoing.I’mtrying to get her to talk.I’mtrying to give her some much-needed attention.
“IthinkIidentally overfed one ofDex’sfish today.Ifeed his saltwater fish this nutrient thing from an eye dropper everyMonday,Wednesday, andSaturday.Itate and then went belly up for a minute but seems to be okay now…Ithink.”Hereyes widen in concern. “Idon’t know, actually.It’snot likeIcan reach in there and snuggle the damn thing.Ididn’t realize how high-maintenance fish are.”
ugh. “JustDex’sfish.Theyare all exotic.”
“Yeah,Ireally didn’t know whatIwas getting into whenIsaidI’dhelp.Ihave to feed them and check their water temperature twice a day.Theauto lights over the tanks upstairs are broken, soIhave to adjust them manually until they get repaired.”Sheshrugs her shoulders, unintentionally pushing her breasts together.Idon’t even bother looking away.Ithoroughly enjoy the view of her cleavage in a ck bikini halter top. “I’mjust going to say it—Dexhustled me.”
Weboth break out inughter.Dexis the kindest, goofiest dodo on the.It’sfrom all the years of breathing in an oxygen tank underwater.Hecouldn’t hustle someone if he tried.
“Howmuch is he paying you?”
“Nada.Freerent for the summer.”Averylicks her lips before she hangs her head. “Iwould’ve done anything to get away from home.”
Isuck down half my beer in one glug. “Itake it you live withMason?”
“Yep.”
“What’syour game n when the summer is over then?”
Shedrops her jaw before showing me a cute pout. “Ithought we said the hot tub was for rxation?”
“True.”
Shedrains her bottle andImove across her to get us another round, but she stops me. “Wait,Iwant a clear head whenItalk to you tonight.”
“Oh?About?”Têxt belongs to N?velDrama.Org.
“AfterIunintentionally poisonedDex’sfish this morning,Idid run an audit on your website…your entire business actually.Iwent through your service page and looked at the packages you offer.”
Igrumble.<i ss="calibre2">Somuch for rxing.</i>“Allright, tell me.WhatamIdoing wrong?”
Iwatch her entire demeanor change.Hershoulders straighten.Shesits up a little higher.Evenher chin slightly elevates.Thisis exactly what it looks like when a queen is about to give amand.
“You’renot doing anything wrong.Yourportfolio is great, but you are missing out on a lot of opportunities for revenue.Firstand foremost, you’re not charging enough for any of your services.Second, you have headshots, family portraits, and boudoir photography on the same service pages.”Shepurses her lips and shakes her head. “Iunderstand the need to be versatile, but you have to separate your boudoir clients.Mysuggestion is to keep your current website and ce a link to a private site—eighteen and up.Requirean age confirmation for entry and then show a warning of explicit images.<i ss="calibre2">Alltasteful examples.</i>Teasethe idea, don’t be anding page for perverts.ButIthink you need to demonstrate that you are capable of more risqué shoots.Yousaid you photograph full nudity sometimes, right?Ichecked out yourpetition.Theyare far more forward with the services they provide.Boldsexuality and female empowerment are wee in the current market.Womendon’t want to hide anymore.It’sa great time to be in boudoir photography.Youjust have to give your potential clients a way to find you.”
Averycontinues on about separating the sites and driving the right kinds of click traffic to two sides of the business.Shediscusses rebranding and merchandise ideas for additional streams of revenue.Itry to soak up every word, but she’s talking so fast, my head is spinning.
“What’syour annual ie before operation costs?”
Ifinally experience the shameAverysays she feels around me all the time.Thisis how it feels when you think someone is so far out of your league. “It’sembarrassing.”
“Finn,I’mnot trying to embarrass you.I’mtrying to tell you there’s potential here.Areyou making nearly 150K a year?Becauseyou should be.”
“Barelya third of that.”
“Ican get you there,” she says with such confidence. “Giveme the summer.Ican definitely get you on track.”
Iscoop a handful of water and wet my hair. “Ihappened to check out<i ss="calibre2">your</i>website too.Asmuch asIwant your help,Ican’t afford you.Sixteengrand, minimum?”
Shecringes. “Oh, that’s outdated.Masonmust not have updated the website.Ishould’ve caught that.Wedon’t take clients for less than twenty-five now,<i ss="calibre2">but</i>that includes investment into paid advertising—look,Finn,” she says, holding up her palms and shaking them in the air, “it’s neither here nor there becauseI’moffering to help you for free…kind of.”
“Icouldn’t ask that of you—”
“Actually,I’masking it of<i ss="calibre2">you</i>.”Sheshrivels again.Herqueen-like presence, diminished.Averylooks so nervous all of a sudden as her thumb knocks against the water line, making little sshes. “Atrade.Ihelp you…you help me.”
“Youwant a free boudoir session?”
Shescoffs with such force, she chokes on her own spit. “Oh, hell no.No, no.<i ss="calibre2">No.</i>Seeingme is one thing, but photographing me?Documentingall my insecurities with a camera that<i ss="calibre2">adds</i>ten pounds?No…no…just<i ss="calibre2">no</i>.”
Andnow, just like that,Iwant her naked in my studio more thanI’vewanted anything in my life.Justto prove to her that she doesn’t see herself urately.
Itouch my fingertips to my temple. “Whatdo you want then?Ihave nothingIcan give you that’s worth twenty-five thousand dors.”
“Yesterday…” she says as though it’s an exnation.
“Saymore.”
Hereyes shift to the left, away from me. “Iwas with the same man for four years.”
“Iknow.Youtold me…”
“Neveronce did he see me naked with the lights on.”
“Really?Notin four years?”
Sheshakes her head. “Nope.Henever acted like he wanted to.Theway you”—she clears her throat and forces herself to look at me—“talked to me and…touched me.Itmade me feel brave.Iwant to be able to do that.Iwant to stop missing out.”
“Missingout on what?”Ican feel my forehead crinkling.<i ss="calibre2">Wherethe hell is she going with this?</i>
“Goodsex.Iwant to know what men like andIwant to enjoy it.Iwill save your photography business if you<i ss="calibre2">teach</i>me how to have good sex.That’sthe deal.”
<i ss="calibre2">Holyshit.</i>Ineed another beer.Actually,Ineed a whole keg.
ReachingoverAvery,Igrab another bottle.Idon’t bother grabbing the opener.Iangle the tip against the side of the deck and pound the bottleneck.Thelid rolls away as the beer foam spills over my hand.Ichug the entire thing, trying to buy a little time to think.Averyis patiently quiet.She’snervous but not pushy.
“Soyou want me to tell you what positions men like best or something?”
Sheshakes her head. “No.Icould watch porn for that.Ineed you to<i ss="calibre2">show me</i>.Ineed practice and real-time feedback, so whenIdo get back out there,I’llknow next time…”Herbottom lip trembles and she quickly covers her mouth.
“Nexttime you’ll know what?”
Inhalingdeeply, sheposes herself. “Thatif things don’t work out, it’s not my fault becauseIsuck at sex.”
<i ss="calibre2">Wheredoes her prick of an ex-boyfriend live?Ireally want to pay him a visit.</i>
“Iunderstand how crazy this sounds, butst night it seemed like you wouldn’t mind sleeping with me—”
Isnatch her hand out of the water immediately and put it to my lips.Herlips twitch into a little smile. “IfI’mhesitating, it’s not because of the reason you’re thinking.Butthis isplicated.”Idrop her hand and step backward. “You’reasking me to take advantage of you while you’re at your lowest.AndIdon’t know how to represent the entire male poption.Everyman likes something different.Imean, what ifI’minto really kinky stuff?”
Herbrows quirk up. “Areyou?”
Ishrug. “Nothing…degrading, just sometimesIlike—ah!No.Avery,I’msorry.Ican’t do this.Icouldn’t even ask you out becauseI’mstill not over my ex.”
“Oh.”Herentire face falls andIcan tell it’s taking every ounce of restraint for her not to flee from this hot tub. “Okay, that’s okay.Iknow this was out of left field.Let’sforget it…”
Ilet out a heavy sigh. “Imean,I’mnot over the way my ex treated me.Idon’t love her anymore, butI’mstill angry.I’mnot ready to get involved with anyone right now.”
“Iget it,”Averysays with a nod. “Meneither.IthinkIgot a little in my headst night in front of the mirror and all.IfI’mbeing honest, it was kind of exhrating to be that brave.IthinkI’mchasing a high.<i ss="calibre2">Sorry.</i>Canwe forgetIbrought it up?”
<i ss="calibre2">No.I’mnever going to forget how stupidI’mbeing right now.</i>Ishould just pony up and fuck her properly.I’dmake her forget her ex’s name.I’druin her for every single man on this.Butthat’s not what a good guy would do.Thisis a deal my dad would jump at.
“Sure.”
“I’mstill going to help you, though, with your business.”Avery’ssmile is sincere.Hereyes look even lighter, almost full gray…ghost-like.Inotice they lighten when she’s about to cry. “Andwe’ve got a lot of work to do, buddy, so strap in.”
“<i ss="calibre2">What</i>?”
“Oh,e on,Finn.Don’tbe offended.It’sno secret you’ve been neglecting your marketing.You’rein a hole.Wehave to pull you out one step at a—”
“No,Imean, you still want to help me for free?EventhoughItold youIwouldn’t…”
“Yeah.Ofcourse.Ihave one big project for the summer, but the rest of my contracts are on maintenance.Ihave the time, so why not?I’llhelp a friend, no strings attached.”
<i ss="calibre2">Nostrings attached.Isthat possible?</i><i ss="calibre2">Canwe honestly do this with no strings attached?</i>
“Howwould this go?”
“Well, we’d start with rebranding the boudoir website.Darkercolors, clean transitions—”
“Notthat part,Avery.<i ss="calibre2">Sex</i>.Youand me.IfIwere to<i ss="calibre2">teach you</i>, how would that go?”
Shereaches for her beer and tips it to her mouth to no avail.It’sempty, so she sets it behind her.Shecould stall by opening another bottle, but instead, she decides to be brave. “It’ssimple.We’dhave sex the way you like.You’dtell me what to do and how to do it.You’djust be patient with me and help me try new things and get better at them.”Sherolls her wrist in the air. “Ithink confidence is key.Likeyou said in the closet.ButIhave to<i ss="calibre2">practice</i>confidence in the bedroom.It’snot natural for me.”
“Okay…Newthings such as?”<i ss="calibre2">I’mgoing to pass out if she says anal.</i>
“DoIreally have to say it right now?”
Ilock my gaze on hers. “Explicitly.”
Shegrumbles and rolls her eyes as she sinks lower into the hot tub so the water ising up to her neck. “Haveyou heard of that app calledRumble?”
<i ss="calibre2">Fuck.</i>“Icould lie…”
“Okay, so then you know it’s for like dirty talk.”
“I’maware.”
“IthoughtI’dtry my hand at dirty talk.Idownloaded it.”Shesmacks her lips. “MayIjust say it’s kind of terrifying that it took me less than ten minutes to purchase the app, download it, create a username, get into a chat room, and read a message from a man who said he wanted to watch cum drip down my chin asIchoked on his mammoth rock-hard cock.”
Isnicker at her incredulous expression. “Andwhat did you say to that?”
Shetents her hands over her face, hiding. “Isaid ‘Cool.Soundsgood,’” she mumbles through her fingers. “Heleft the chat room immediately.”
Iburst out intoughter. “That’sthe best you coulde up with?”
“See?It’swhyIneed your help.Idon’t get it.Whydo men think that’s sexy?It’shot for a girl to be gagging and choking and crying?Idon’t understand this.Isit just crude talk, or is that really want men want?”
Isigh and set my drink aside.Advancingcloser,Iuse my body as a wall to lock her into the corner of the hot tub.Ihover over her, purposely puffing up my chest. “Holdout your hands,”mand.
Shedoes asIask andIlock both of her wrists in one hand.Squeezinghard,Iraise her hands above her head and put my lips an inch from hers.Herchest pulses up and down, andIcan almost feel the nerves.
“Whenyou get down to it,”Isay in a low grumble, “we’re just animals and it’s about domination.Itgets our testosterone flowing when we feel powerful.Ourcocks are harder and bigger, and we have more endurance.Whena woman gets on her knees or is pinned down and agrees to do whatever we ask when we ask for it, we feel like the masters of our own universe.It’sa fleeting moment in time when we have control in this chaotic world.It’snot about seeing<i ss="calibre2">you</i>suffer.It’sjust about<i ss="calibre2">us</i>feeling powerful.It’sa turn-on.”
She’sstunned, her eyes fixated on my lips. “Yeah,” she barely whispers, “okay, that makes senseIguess—”
“Buta really powerful man knows the secret,”Icontinue, purposely making my voice low and grisly, trying to test whether this brooding attitude works on her.
“Whatsecret?”Hervoice cracks.
<i ss="calibre2">Oh, it definitely works.</i>Averydoesn’t need lessons.Sheneeds a man who’s willing to give it to her rough and dirty.Shejust wants to feel wild…and wanted.
“Thatyoue harder when your girles first.That’sreal power.”Irelease her wrists and nt a quick kiss on her forehead, retreating back to my side of the hot tub. “So,”Isay lightening my tone, “how’d you find out aboutRumble?”
Sheblinks at me. “Doesthat also make you feel powerful?Teasingme?”Hernarrowed eyes and low tone lead me to believe she’s a little pissed.
“Youasked me a question.”Ishrug innocently. “Ianswered.”
Sherolls her eyes with a huff. “Masonwas using it.Ithought he was cheating on me, but he wasn’t.Hewas role-ying with some girl from that app.”
Myjaw clenches whenIunderstand where this is headed. “That’sstill cheating,Avery.Phonesex is still sex.”
“It’snot cheating if we were broken up,” she mutters.
“Technicality.Whydoes it even matter?”
“Because,” she says coolly as her eyes narrow further, “Ican’t forgive a cheater.ButIcould forgive an idiot.”
Imight’ve crossed a line.Avery’sa big girl and can make her own decisions…but she cried in mypst night over what this guy did to her.It’snot right. “Youwant to get good at sex to win him back?”
“No,Finn.Ijust want to feel better about myself.”Shehunches her shoulders. “Idon’t know how else to say it.Iwant sex to be exciting, not so nerve-racking that it’s scary.That’sall.”
“Okay,”Isay and her eyes perk up, soIquickly rify. “<i ss="calibre2">Okay</i>as inIget it, butIneed some time to think about it,Avery.It’snot becauseI’mnot interested.It’sbecause…”
<i ss="calibre2">Becausewe can talk.Andyou’re fun.You’rfortable enough with me to ask me to teach you how to have good sex?</i>It’sclear we already like each other.Ifwe fuck, we’re going to fall for each other.I’msure of it.Andneither of us can handle that right now.Neitherof us can handle the fallout of yet another breakup.Notto mentionAvery’sclearly not over her ex.Norastill haunts me…
Thisis a terrible idea.
“Becausewhat?”Averyasks, reminding meIdidn’t finish my sentence.
“Ijust need to think about it.Iwant to help you, butIdon’t want to hurt you.Ihave to think about what that means.”
Shegives me a small smile as she nods. “Okay.Thinkabout it.Inthe meantime, let’s get back to business.”Shesits a little taller again. “Iseriously think you should consider a new logo.”<h3 ss="inline-image-container">Avery
Itcould’ve gone worse…
Definitely.
Maybe.
<i ss="calibre2">Shit.</i>Whatis wrong with me?Finnintoxicates me with his humble sexiness.It’sannoying really.Hetempts me on purpose, just to proveI’mlike every other woman in the world—enraptured by him.Butthen he adds to the pile by ying the good guy?Concernedabout hurting me?Notwanting to be reckless about casual sex?Whois this guy?It’dbe easier if he was just a sexy pig.Butit’s clear there’s way more toFinnthanIrealize.
Ishut off the hot tub and cover it back up.Finngot a call and left ten minutes ago, abandoning me with a heaping serving of regret.Ican’t believeIasked him to teach me sex.Igrumble out loud in frustration.I’venever felt more stupid in my life.
Icollect the empty beer bottles from the deck and rinse them beforeIthrow them away.It’s9:48 on aSaturdaynight, but it feels more like a stroke past midnight.Thepumpkin has smashed.Mydress is torn.Myhorses are rats.Thespell is officially over.
Walkingpast the aquarium in the living room,IwishCherrya good night.<i ss="calibre2">Sweetfishy dreams, my friend.</i>Thelittle red fish, whomI’vedubbed<i ss="calibre2">she</i>,<i ss="calibre2"></i>is darting across the tank again, back and forth, back and forth, tirelessly.<i ss="calibre2">I’llsee you in the morning, you little spaz.</i>
I’mon the fourth stair whenIhear a heavy pounding at the door.<i ss="calibre2">Whatin the world?</i>Palmer?No.Thepolice?Stillin my swimsuit,Itighten my towel around my body and head to the front door.
Iopen it a crack untilIrealize it’sFinn.Openingthe door wide,Isee he’s flushed and a little sweaty.Hetakes a step forward and leans into the doorframe wordlessly.
“Hey,”Isay. “Didyou forget something?Ordid you miss me already?”Itease.Hedoesn’t match my humor.Hisbrooding eyes are dark.Cloudedwith something heavy.
“You’rereally serious about this?” he asks in a strained mumble.
<i ss="calibre2">Whatis wrong with him?</i>
“Youwant me to teach you how to have good sex?”
Whybe ashamed?Myfoot is already in my mouth.Ishould go ahead and swallow it.
“Yes.”
Finnwalks through the door, grabbing my hand as he passes. “It’stime for your first lesson,” he grunts as he leads me past the kitchen, to the staircase.
“Whereare we going?”Dumbquestion,Iknow.<i ss="calibre2">Bedroom, obviously.</i>ButI’mreally nervous.
“Wheredo you think?” he asks, sounding a smidge on the side of annoyance.
“Bedroom.”
“Closet,” he says over his shoulder as he pulls me up the stairs.
<i ss="calibre2">Ohno.</i>
“Thebig mirror.”Finntightens his grip around my hand. “Iwant you to see<i ss="calibre2">everything</i>I’mabout to do to you.”