“<span>Aves,I’mso sorry.I’mstill stuck out here with your car,”Palmerwhines into the phone. “Ididn’t expect to actually get the part.”
Iroll my eyes. “Palmer,”Igroan.
“What?”
Poppingin my rightAirPod,Iswap our call from audio toFaceTime.Iwait until her face is on the screen. “Um, my best friend justnded her<i ss="calibre2">big break</i>.Idon’t care about my car.I’mnot doing anything out here, andIcan have anythingIneed delivered.”Includingthe four different swimsuits fromTargetIordered for rapid delivery this morning.IrealizeFinnhas already seen most of me naked, butI’mstill determined to find the most ttering suitTargethas avable in store.Ineeded options.
“I’mnot even sure if the pilot will get picked up…” she says with a defeated half-smile.Geez, the entertainment industry is kicking her ass.
Iprop the phone up against the pitcher of orange juiceIhave in the middle of the dining table.Holdingup one finger,Iask, “Canwe just dream big for a moment?Manifest.”
Sheblows out a breath. “Fine.”
“You’rethe star of this pilot—”
“<i ss="calibre2">One</i>of the stars.It’san ensemble cast—”
“Palmer, work with me, here.”
“Fine.I’mthe star of this pilot.”
“Good.Andwhat happens when the pilot gets picked up?”
Sheslumps her shoulders and her slinky tank top falls off her shoulder.Ican see her nipples clear as day through her thin top.Palmerhas the kind of small, perky breasts that don’t need to be contained at all times with sturdy bras with underwire. “Idon’t know…”
“Yes, you do.It’sokay.”Igive her a reassuring nod.
“Okay, my career picks up.”
“And?”Ituck my knee to my chest and rest my chin on top of it, giving her a lunatic smile.
“Iget a steady paycheck.”
Inod enthusiastically. “<i ss="calibre2">And</i>?”
“AndIcan pay back my debt, get a better agent, get more jobs, maybe a movie deal, maybe walk the red carpet one day.”ConTEent bel0ngs to N?v(e)lD/rama(.)Org .
“<i ss="calibre2">Thereyou go</i>!”Ip my hands together. “Honey, you can<i ss="calibre2">do</i>this.Youare beautiful and talented.Iwant this for you as much as you do.<i ss="calibre2">Thiswill happen.</i>Thispilot<i ss="calibre2">will</i>get picked up.You’regoing to do big things, best friend.”
Palmerimmediately tears up.She’sbeen crying nonstoptely.Youwould’ve thought she was the one who was dumped.Everytime we’ve talked in the past week since she drove off toAlbuquerque, she’s been an emotional wreck.She’sjust probably in her actor mindset.She’sying a single mother, living on the streets, who is trying her best to kick a heroin habit.Ifthat’s not emotionally taxing and dramatic,Idon’t know what it is.She’sembracing her role.Palmeris a truly phenomenal actress.Ifsess in the industry was based on talent alone, she’d be famous.Unfortunately, the reality is that luck’s been a bitch to her.Herentire career is filled with near misses and almost opportunities.
“You’rea better friend than me,” she says in a hushed whisper. “Amuch better friend.”
“Palmer,”Igrumble, rolling my eyes. “It’sjust a car.It’sfine—but hey,Ihave to go.It’sMasonon the other line.”Asmuch asI’dlike to ignore that asshole’s call, we need to chat business today.
Palmer’sface twists. “FuckMason,” she says.
“Yep, well, someone is, that’s for sure.Okay, honey, bye.Talksoon.”Ireluctantly press end call and answer on my screen. “Mason,”Isay, my tone dropping to the icy depths.
“Hey,Avery.CanIstart with—”
“No, you may not.Ilooked over theLegacyResortsreports andIhave a few ideas for a proposal, butIneed to understand what kind of organic leads areing to their site.Havethey shared that with you yet?”
“Notquite.”
“OnceIhave that data,I’llbe able to proceed.Emailme when you have it.”
Hesighs into the phone.
<i ss="calibre2">Sighall you want, jerk.Thisis strictly business.</i>
“Theywant a live pitch.”
“Iwould assume so if they are willing to pay in the millions.Areyou concerned about my pitch?”I’vehandled client meetings since the establishment of our business.Idon’t care how much money is in a potential client’s suit pockets.I’mnot intimidated.I’mconfident in whatIdo.
“No,I’mnot concerned but…”
“Butwhat?”
“Theirhead of marketing emailed me—”
“Yeah,Mason, why are they emailing you instead of me?Ihandle client rtions.Putme on the email thread.”
Masonsighs again, testing my patience.
“Whateveryou need to say, spit it out,”Isnap.
“Theguy is a total misogynist,Avery.Andhe’s the one making the final decision on firms.Youmay be the talent, but he wants to talk business with me—”
“Overscotch and cigars?”
“Exactly.”
<i ss="calibre2">Whata dick.</i>Adick that’s willing to pay us millions ifIcan pull this off.Withthat kind of payout,Icould afford to get out of my lease withMasonand get my own ce.L.A. is getting more expensive by the minute.Thenagain,Iwouldn’t even have to stay inL.A.Mybusiness is virtual, and my best friend, with any luck, won’t be residing inCaliforniamuch longer.Icould start over whereverIwant.Icould probably afford a house ifImoved somewhere cheaper.
“Sowe need to pitch together?”
“Theirresort inCancunis under renovation.It’llbe done at the end of summer.Theywant to invite us to aplimentary weekend and have us give the proposal to theCEO,CMO, andVP.DrewfromMaynardRealtysaid that one point five million is lowballing for what they can afford.”
“Hm,”Imumble into the phone asIhead toDex’sfridge and pull outDietCoke.Theloud hiss of a soda bottle fills the silence.Itake arge glug, ignoring the aggressive little bubbles that attack my throat. “Howmuch does he think we should ask for?”
“Fivemillion and then expect them to meet us in the middle.Sowe’d walk away with about three point five.”
Itbes apparent whyMasonis so nervous.
“Areyou asking me whetherIcane up with a proposal that’s worth a little north of three million dors?”
“Ican help you,Aves.Whateveryou need…”Hispleading tone turns knots in my stomach.I’vebeen so shocked and angry thatIforget that four years of my life have melted away.Fouryears that were good…for me.
Masonused to moan a little when he kissed my forehead.He’dinhale slowly like the smell of my hair was intoxicating.Asmall breath in, and then his soft lips would touch right between my brows.Itmade me feel so cherished.Itwas perfect and peaceful until the gory endInever sawing.
“Mason, you’ve underestimated and underappreciated me in all aspects of our rtionship.Atleast when ites to work, how about you trust me?I’lldo my job.Youdo yours.We’llpresent the proposal together and when the summer is over, we need to talk about dissolving the business.Idon’t thinkIcan—”
“Ididn’t cheat on you,” he interrupts, seizing his opportunity.
Myheart begins to thump angrily. “Isaw the text.Itis what it is…don’t try and lie—”
“Itwas an app.Letme exin.”
Iam not a saint.Iam not perfect.Whenthe manIloved for nearly half a decade wants to exin how he didn’t cheat on me, curiosity bes king.Ican’t help it. “Exinthen.”
“There’san app calledRumble.Iwas talking to a womanI’dnever met.It’sjust texting…no videos or anything like that.”
“Soan app just for dirty texting?”
Heblows out a harsh breath. “Itwas just a role-ying thing.Iwas pretending like she was a call girlI’dhired before and…Idon’t even know how that message got sent to you.Wewere talking earlier andImust’ve identally…well, you get it.ButIdidn’t cheat on you,Avery.Iwas just trying to have a night off from all this shit.”
Ichoose to sit in the stiff dining chair instead of gettingfortable on the couch.Itseems more fitting at the moment. “Anight off from what?<i ss="calibre2">Youdumped me.</i>”
“Itdoesn’t mean this doesn’t suck for me too.”Hisvoice jumps an octave. “IknowI’mnot allowed to say it, but<i ss="calibre2">this sucks for me too</i>.Imiss you.Itbreaks my heart that we’re not going to spend the rest of our lives together.”
“Andwhose fault is that?”
There’ssilence for a moment, and he asks the question that’s been on my mind for days. “Wereyou happy…with our intimacy?Orwere you settling?”
<i ss="calibre2">OfcourseIwas settling.</i>Butthere’s more to love andmitment than sex.Wehad everything else. “Whydidn’t you talk to me about it?Whydid you choose to break us like this?”
Anotherlong pause, then he says, “Ihonestly don’t know.Wejust didn’t do that…we never talked about that stuff.Wewere always a certain type of way with each other, since the beginning.”
MasonandIwere lights off, missionary, once a week at best.Towardthe end, once a month.Thatwas our legacy.Ialmost can’t me him for wanting more.Tearsbegin to form.ThepainI’vebeen running from almost catches me.ButwhatMasondoesn’t understand is the pain isn’t just from heartbreak, it’s from fear.Myidentity was so wrapped up in a man that the minute he didn’t want me anymore,Ilost my identity.
Iused to look in the mirror and see myself.Now,Ilook in the mirror and see whatI’mnot.Atleast, untilst night…
UntilFinn.
Idon’t know if it was what he said in the mirror or<i ss="calibre2">how</i>he said it, butIwalked around topless most of the morning, feeling proud of my breasts.Igrab my left tit, giving it a hardy squeeze.Mason, on the other end of the line, is silent, none the wiser thatI’mfondling myself.Thesearen’t the breastsMasonpassed on.Theyare the ones that madeFinnsmile and lick his lips.Iwish it were as simple as hooking up withFinnfor validation purposes.Ithink he’d sleep with me.Maybeit’d be for pity on his end, butIbetI’dstill enjoy it.
Theproblem isIdon’t want my identity wrapped up in any man.Idon’t want to only like myself untilFinndoesn’t want me either.Iwant my confidence back.Iwant to never ever again believe a man when he saysI’mdisappointing in the bedroom.
Iwant to feel safe to explore.Iwant to use a stupid app likeRumbleand role-y.Iwant to experience<i ss="calibre2">all</i>the things my so-called nd rtionship deprived me of for four years.
ButIneed help…someone to show me how to be somethingI’mnot.<i ss="calibre2">Finn.</i>He’sthe answer.Idon’t want something as unattainable as his heart.Ijust need his body.IwantFinnto teach me how to have great sex…
No.Somethingmore extreme.
<i ss="calibre2">IwantFinnto teach me how to fuck.</i>
“Aves, maybeIwas rash andIpanicked.Whatif we just take the summer off to breathe and think about things?Maybethis isn’t a breakup…just a break.Iknow you’re furious with me right now, but hopefully, by the timeCancunrolls around, we can<i ss="calibre2">talk</i>in person<i ss="calibre2">.</i>Abouteverything.Eventhe ufortable stuff.”
“What’sthere to talk about?Idon’t thinkIcan ever trust you again,”Isay, pressing my back against the wooden dining chair, wanting the pressure to hold me in ce.
“I<i ss="calibre2">didn’t</i>cheat on you.Iwill show you the app.Iswear on my life—”
“Idon’t care,”Isay.Healready pulled at the thread and unraveled us.Thetruth is?Idon’t feel good about myself whenI’maround him.Andwhat’s more,Ino longer think it’s all my fault.
Ithink of the shitty, artery-clogging takeout food we ate every night.Yes, it made me feel like garbage.ButI’mnot a great cook, nor didIhave time to learn.Iwas too busy buildingArrow’sclient list and reputation.Neveronce didMasonoffer to go to the grocery store with me and pick up healthier options.Neveronce did he suggest we cook at home together.
Neveronce did he cook<i ss="calibre2">for</i>me.Finn’ssteak was the first meal a man has prepared for me sinceIwas in pigtails and my dad used to make me hamburger mac ’n’ cheese.
Ilet out a deep sigh. “Justsend me the reports.”Iclear my throat. “Let’stake it one step at a time.Weneed to see if we can work together.That’sthe most important thing right now.”Otherwise, we have a business to divvy up.
“Okay,” he says, sounding slightly relieved.DidIjust give<i ss="calibre2">us</i>hope?<i ss="calibre2">Shit.</i>“Goodnight,Avery.Andhey, just so you know,I’mnot<i ss="calibre2"></i>sleeping around.Ididn’t get over our breakup that easily.I’mnot nning on having sex with anyone right now.”
<i ss="calibre2">Whywas it so much easier to believe he was actually cheating on me?</i>ItrustedMasonblindly for four years.<i ss="calibre2">Whyis it so hard to believe him right now?</i>
“Youshould,Mason.”
“What?”
“Youshould.Havesex with someone new.Icertainly n to.”
Iend the call before he can say another word.