I lost my virginity in the back of aPontiacthe summer before college.Itwas to a boy namedLucas.Thirteenyearster,Idon’t remember much about the mechanics.Ijust remember it being ufortable, brief, and just about the biggest letdown that year and that’s even afterIgot my rejection letter fromBerkeley.Lucaspraised me afterward, telling me we were so hot together, but what we did had nothing to do with<i ss="calibre2">together</i>.Igot nothing from it.
Iwas simply a vessel for his release.
Ireally think the wayIlost my virginity cursed me and set the entire tone for my future sex life.Masonwas the third guyI’dever had sex with.LetdownLucas.Quick-toeCameron.Anst, but not least…mundaneMason.ButIloved him, so what was mundane, was tolerable.Itwas fine.Iwas<i ss="calibre2">fine</i>.
Untiltonight.
Whenthe curse is broken.
Becausethe wayFinnis looking at me like he’s going to devour me whole, makes me think this one night is going to be the redemption of my entireckluster sexual saga.
Here.We.Go.
Finnlifts me likeI’mlight and ces me on the counter in the middle of the master closet.Iflinch when the cool granite touches the bare back of my thighs.That’show you know this is a multimillionaire’s closet.Whythe fuck do you need granite in a closet?
Iswing my dangling legs out of nerves, my heels hitting the back of the cabs like an antsy child.
Finnpulls off his shirt, disorienting me with his chest and abs that are so perfectly sculptedIwant to touch them to make sure they’re real.Hestands between my legs and presses his palms against the tops of my thighs to stop my fidgeting. “Iknow you’re nervous,” he says with a sly smile.Inod in reply, expecting him to tell me not to be, but he goes in a different direction. “Youshould be.”
“ShouldI?”
Hescrunches his face. “Yeah, of course.Ialways get a little nervous when something really fucking amazing is about to happen.”It’slike a shot of adrenaline pools between my thighs.
Mylips part in surprise. “See?Howdo you do that?”
Wrappinghis muscr arm around my back, he runs his lips up and down my neck.Istart to go hazy from his heady smell of sweat and cologne.Hesmells so damn goodIwant to taste him. “HowdoIdo what,Avery?” he growls into my ear.
“Youtalk about sex like it’s natural.”
“Itis.”
“Youseem so sure this is going to feel good for both of us.”
Henods into the crook of my neck. “Iam.”
“Howdo—”
“Areyou still on your period?” he asks, interrupting my questioning.
Ishake my head. “No, it was the tail end yesterday,pletely gone today.”Iclear my throat. “Wouldthat have been a…shouldInot…you know.Isthat a deal breaker for guys?”Hisforehead crinkles as he raises his brows.
“Notfor me.Dexhas the best walk-in shower to fuck in.Ithas a bench.”
He’snot wrong.IloveDex’sshower.Thereare two rain shower heads and massage jets in the center.Hirge built-in teakwood bench is clearly custom-made.Although, my stomach churns whenIthink about howFinnknowsDex’sshower is ideal for sex.He’sdone it here before.Iwonder how many other women he’s put in front of this mirror.
Butit’s not my business.That’snot what we’re here for.He’smy teacher, andI’ma student with questions.
“Dammit,”Isay asIcringe. “Idon’t have condoms.”
Finnbites his bottom lip. “Dexdoes.Thirddrawer of his nightstand.”
Iclose my eyes soFinndoesn’t see me roll them.<i ss="calibre2">Andwhy the hell is he having so much sex at his friend’s house anyway?</i>
“Butwe may not need them.Areyou on birth control?”
Ofall things to wind me, of all moments…why now?<i ss="calibre2">Don’tcry.Don’tyou dare cry.</i>Têxt belongs to N?velDrama.Org.
“Yep,”Isqueak.
Butmy stupid eyes give me away.Finnwon’t move on from the subject when he sees me tearing up. “Whyare you upset?Wecan use a condom if that makes you morefortable.Ijust know you’re not the fuck around type andIgot tested a while back.I’mclean, andIhaven’t been with anyone since.”
“Okay,”Isay, trying to push the intrusive thoughts away from my mind. “That’sfine.”
Thetruth is whenIfoundMason’sengagement ring in the closet,Imade an appointment with my gynecologist about family nning.Theywere booked out for six months, butIfigured it was perfect timing.Withinsix months, surelyMasonwould’ve proposed.
I’mthirty.Iwant kids andIalready feel a littlete to nning.IfiguredMasonandIwould have a brief engagement and would want children shortly after we got married.Imade an appointment to have myIUDremoved.Anappointment thatImissedst week becauseI’mnot inCalifornia,I’mnot engaged, andI’mabout to have sex with a manI’veknown for about a week for the sole purpose of understanding whatI’mdoing wrong in the bedroom.Iwould’ve never guessed<i ss="calibre2">this</i>is whereI’dbe whenIbooked that damn appointment.
“Talkto me,”Finnsays. “What’son your mind?”Hefinds my eyes and cocks his head to the side.
Rxingmy eyelids,Ipress my fingers to my temples. “Ineed to think a little less,Finn.Ijust want to feel.Canyou kiss me now?”
Hislips are on mine beforeIcan open my eyes again.Allsuspicions confirmed,Finntastes like…
Man.Fresh.Breath.Air.Flesh.
Ican’t cohesively describe it.Hekisses with intention, his tongue massaging mine.Hisbottom lip is tucked between both of mine until he decides it’s not deep enough.Hetilts his head and ims my mouth, but eventually his craving grows, my lips unable to satiate him…
Hemoves down my neck while toying with the knot of my bikini top. “Avery,” he whispers, “you taste so sweet.”Heuses his teeth to tug on my earlobe gently. “Iam going to make you feel so fucking good.Tellme where you want my lips.”
“Whereveryou want.”
Hestills and steps backward.Iimmediately shudder, missing his warmth.Finnturns to adjust the giant mirror.Hisbiceps and forearms tense as he angles the heavy mirror and frame, entuating the images on his tatted arm.Takingthe opportunity to thoroughly inspect his sleeve,Irealize how much more intricate his tattoo is than just the ghost ship.There’swhatIcan only assume is a kraken tattooed on the back of his arm, dancing across his tricep.Belowthe crook of his elbow, a cluster of mermaids or sirens look out at the dark sea.Ithink this whole design is meant to look angry…intimidating perhaps…but right now, to me, it only looks hot.
Iwant to be pinned down, those pictures pressed against my skin asFinnmakes a puddle out of me.Exceptfor some reason, he’s stalling.
I’mnow on disy, right in the middle of the mirror.Iexpect him to return to me soIcan wrap my legs around him and continue our make-out session, butFinngrabs a rolling stool from the corner of the closet and positions himself between my legs.Hesits down slowly, his eyes locked between my legs.Eyelevel with the apex of my thighs, he has to tilt his head upward to meet my eyes.
“Yourfirst lesson,” he says with a wicked smile on his face.
<i ss="calibre2">Oh, for a moment,Iforgot why we’re doing this.He’snot just here for pleasure.He’shere to teach.</i>“Is?”
“Dirtytalk.”
Thecorners of my lips turn down andIwatch my pout in the mirror.Idon’t want to talk dirty at the moment.WhatIreally want is to turn the lights off and letFinnclimb on top of me.Ijust want to feel safe underneath his body, whereIknow he can’t see any part of me jiggling around.Exceptthat’s exactly whatIsaidIwas bored of.I’mhere to push myfort level, andFinnis here to hold my hand through it.
“Dirtytalk is not my strong suit.”
“Doyou know why?”Hisstartling baby blue eyes are dancing with entertainment.Ithink it turns him on whenIblush.
“Um,Idon’t watch a ton of porn…like some.Nota lot.SoIdon’t know what they say.I’mnot really vocal during sex.”
Hissmile grows. “Firstof all,I’mgoing to make you vocal during sex.I’mgoing to have you screaming when youe.Trustme.”
Mystomach clenches andIinstantly feel the swell between my legs.
“Secondof all, you don’t need to watch porn to learn this.Toomuch and it desensitizes you.Youalready know what to say but you won’t let yourself say it because it’s embarrassing.Dirtytalk is just asking for<i ss="calibre2">exactly</i>what you want.”Finnces both of his hands on my knees and trails his hands up my thighs. “SowhenIask you where you want my lips, why don’t you go ahead and tell me the truth?”
“My…”<i ss="calibre2">Fuck.Whyis this so hard?</i>“Myneck,”Isay. “Ilike when you kiss me there.”
Finnshakes his head. “No, baby, that’s a lie.That’snot where you want them.Youwant me to eat your pussy likeI’mstarving, don’t you?”Hepushes my thighs apart and strokes his thumb against my swimsuit bottoms, knowing exactly where my clit is without seeing it. “Ibet you’re so fucking wet for me right now my tongue could go swimming, sweet girl.”
Myheartbeat turns into aggressive flutters; it vibrates like a hummingbird’s wings.Ilove the way he’s stroking me, teasing me.EverythingFinndoes lights me on fire in the right way.
Thishellish heat…<i ss="calibre2">Oh.</i>
Iwant to burn.
Ilike when he talks to me like that in the sanctity of this closet.Whenwe’re in private, justFinnand me,Iwant to tell him whatIwant.
Hiseyes don’t leave mine as he picks up the pace and rubs rapid circles around my swelling clit.<i ss="calibre2">OhGod.</i>I’mgoing toe from his thumb.Thisis seriously about to happen.Iknow it because my thighs are tensing andIhave the urge to let my eyes roll into the back of my head.
“Isthis how you want toe?”Finnasks. “Becauseif there’s something else you want”—he smiles wickedly at me—“tell me.You’resafe with me and what you want me to do, believe me, baby,I<i ss="calibre2">really</i>want to do it too.”Heleans forward and nts a wet kiss above my knee. “Justsay it.”
“I…um…”
“<i ss="calibre2">Sayit</i>,” he growls.
“Idon’t want to.”
“Why?”
“BecauseMasonhated it.EverytimeIasked, he came up with an excuse.Therejection hurt.Itmade me feel gross and humiliated, and nowIjust can’t stand the idea of bringing it up.”
Finnstops rubbing me, and his smile ttens. “Didyou blow him?”
“What?”
“Wouldyou giveMasonhead when you guys had sex?”
<i ss="calibre2">Imean, we rarely had sex, but when we did…</i>Inod.
“Lessonnumber two,Avery—and this is a very important one.Areyou listening?”
Inod again asItry to swallow down the lump in my throat.
Finnlooks right into my eyes and says, “Ifa man doesn’t<i ss="calibre2">give</i>, he doesn’t<i ss="calibre2">get</i>.Endof story.Don’twaste your time on selfish assholes.”
Hekisses all the way up my thigh this time.Whenhe reaches the fabric covering my sex, he yanks it aside and blows across my crease and over my clit.It’sa seductive, yet blissful stimtion.Likea sweet cool breeze on the hottest day.Itfeels so goodIlose my head.Ilet myself get drunk off this man’s potent sexuality, and the words just spill out of my mouth…
“Ireally like that,”Imoan.
“Youlook so good, baby.You’reso hot and pink and swollen.”Hechuckles. “Ihaven’t been this excited about pussy in a long time.”
It’sthe first momentInotice how into thisFinnis.Likesex with me is more than a friendly favor to white knuckle through.AmIdesirable?AmIappealing?Doeshe<i ss="calibre2">actually</i>want me?Myconfidence soaks through my body like liquor in my bloodstream.Ilet the hazy feeling flow through me, intoxicating me until it reaches my lips and my mouth falls open…
Thefirst wordsIcan think of juste rolling out.
“Iwant toe on your tongue,Finn.Please.Kissme<i ss="calibre2">hard</i>, right on my clit.”
Hestops blowing against my sensitive skin and smiles at me wider thanI’veever seen before. “Thereyou go,Avery, there’s the dirty talk.<i ss="calibre2">Goodgirl.</i>You’resuch a quick learner.Thatwas very sexy.”
Isoak up his praise as he unties the bows of my bikini bottoms.Ibridge my hips so he can pull the swimsuit from underneath me and then toss it aside.Tenderly, he scoots me to the edge of the counter, then secures my heels against his shoulders.I’mspread, on disy, and my most intimate area is an inch away fromFinn’sface.Ishould be writhing with humiliation, butIjust don’t care right now.I’mso turned on.AllIcare about,<i ss="calibre2">allIcan think about</i>, is finding my release.I’mso needy, the pressure is too much.
“Andjust so you know,” he says before he licks my inner thigh half an inch away from my center. “Thisis my pleasure<i ss="calibre2"></i>to do,<i ss="calibre2">Queen.</i>”<i ss="calibre2">OhdearGod.</i>Heteases me with soft kisses, apparently to make me erupt from the anticipation alone.Itry to lie backward, butFinnprotests. “No, sit up.Eyeson the mirror.Iwant you to see how fucking beautiful you look whenImake youe.”
Hedrags his tongue across my slit, up then down, starting on one side, then attending to the other. “Goddamn,Iknew you’d taste sweet,” he moans.
There’sno way.Iam a thirty-year-old grown adult.Ithoroughly understand a woman’s anatomy.Itis not cotton candy and bubblegum down there.Buthe’s certainly treating me likeI’mdessert.Theway he moves, moans, and tells me how soft and warm and deliciousIam,Iactually believe him.
I’msweet.
I’msavory.
FollowingFinn’mand,Iwatch myself in the mirror.Mycrazy hair, loose strands falling out of my messy bun.Mycheeks are so flushed they’re red and splotchy.Mylips are permanently parted.Ican’t get enough air through my nose, soIhave to gulp and gasp to fill my lungs asFinntries to suffocate me with pleasure.Hisbroad, muscr back in the mirror is blocking the view of anything intimate.ButIcan clearly see the mermaids of his tattoo on the back of his arm.Theyare perfectly shaped, with hourss figures, tiny waists, and voluptuous chests under their mshell bras.Theyare beautiful.Theyare inviting me to be beautiful with them as they sit on their rock, smiling wickedly, egging me on.
<i ss="calibre2">You’rebeautiful.You’reworthy.Goahead, girl, get yours.</i>
Feelingmy orgasm building,Iflex my hips and push harder againstFinn’stongue.Assubtly asIcan,Igrind my hips and immediately feel him smile against my womanhood.
“Sorry,”Imumble, ashamedI’mbeing too greedy.
Finnreaches for my hips with both hands and grabs as much of my ass as he can in this position.Hesqueezes firmly before pulling me tighter against his face. “Don’tyou dare be sorry.That’sso sexy.Enjoyyourself,Avery.Useme.Usemy tongue.”
Heguides my hips, encouraging my feral behavior.Ipush all reason away.Don’tthink too hard, don’t worry so much…just<i ss="calibre2">feel</i>.Iweave my fingers intoFinn’sdark, coarse hair.It’strimmed on the sides, but the top is plentiful enough to grip.AndwhenI’malmost on the brink of my orgasm,Imake a fist.
“Oh, ho, ho,” he says between breathy chuckles. “<i ss="calibre2">Goodgirl.</i>Pullmy hair.Don’tyou dare stop.”
He’ssaying all the filthy things because he knows, believe it or not,Ilike it.TheRumblechat room was cringe-worthy, but not because of the words, because of who was saying it.Allthe thingsIused to find awkward…hm, maybe it was timing, maybe it was thepany.Finncould ask anything of me right now, andI’ddo it.Including…
“Fuckmy face, baby.Iwant to taste how hard youe,” he growls.
Imake a point to find my eyes in the mirror.
ThenIexplode.
AndFinn’sright.
It’sso fucking beautiful.
He’spatient through my orgasm.Heeven stands andys me backward, soIcan rx.Thecool granite touching every inch of my skin is a wee relief.
“I’llbe right back,” he says and then disappears through the closet to the master bathroom.Ihear water running.<i ss="calibre2">Understandable.</i>He’sprobably rinsing off his face, seeing asIdrenched it.Finnreturns with a robe draped over his arm.Itsuddenly dawns on me that my bikini top is still on.Thatwas hands down the best orgasmI’veever had in my life, and my top is on, coveringFinn’sfavorite part of my body.
Thisnight has barely begun.
“Whyare your pants still on?”Iask, nodding toward his shorts.NeverhaveIbeen more eager to see a man’s erect penis before in my life.
ExceptFinncringes.Apologetically.
“Hopdown,” he says, holding out his arms to catch me.Drapingthe robe over me, he kisses my cheek. “Comeon.”Grabbingmy hand, he leads me to the bedroom.Hejust tasted the most intimate part of my body, but it still gives me nervous flutters when he holds my hand.Leadingme to the bed,Finnpulls the corner of the cover down and guides me into a sit.Hejoins me, sitting right beside me, shoulder to shoulder. “CanIget you anything?Water?Abeer?”
“WhydoIfeel like you’re leaving?”
Helets out a big sigh. “BecauseIam.”
“DidIdo something wrong—”
“Don’teven say it,Avery.”Hekisses my shoulder. “Youare perfect.Infact, you really got into it.”
Iturn my head to face him and he’s smirking.Iroll my eyes.Myconfidence has sobered, andI’membarrassed at how animalisticIjust acted on that closet counter.
“Sorry.It’snot my usual style…”
“Don’tbe.Itwas great.ButIrealize that you must be reallyfortable with me to let your guard down like that.”
Ipat his knee. “Iam.”<i ss="calibre2">It’sstrange.Itdoesn’t make sense.ButIam.</i>
“WhichmeansIhave more responsibility in this thanIrealized,” he says softly.
“Whatdoes that mean?”
Finnturns his knee in to face me.Hetucks a loose hair behind my ear as he speaks, “WhenIleft you in the hot tub,Igot a call.”
“Iknow.”I’mworried about why he’s grimacing. “Whocalled?”
“Someonewho really pissed me off.”
“Doyou want to talk about it?”
Hereleases something between augh and a grunt.I’mnot sure exactly.Ijust know it means<i ss="calibre2">hell no.</i>“Iwas upset, soIcame over thinking we could have some fun andfort each other, butIwant tonight to stay just for you.CanItake you out before we go any further?”
<i ss="calibre2">Out?Likeinto the world?Wherepeople would see us together?</i>“Finn…you told me you weren’t ready for a rtionship, andIheard you loud and clear.MasonandIjust broke up as well.Ihave no expectations from you.I’mnot trying to trick you into dating me.Ireally just needed a safe space to explore this side of myself.”Asecret, safe ce.Becauseif people knew what we were up to,Finnmight be the one embarrassed for a change.
“Iwasn’t thinking that.”Hecocks his head to the side. “Imeant, let’s go to dinner as friends.JustbecauseI’mnot your boyfriend, doesn’t meanIdon’t respect you.Youtold me you want me to teach you how to have good sex.Nomatter how you look at it, it gives me the upper hand and puts you in a vulnerable position.”
“True.”I’mimpressed with his intuitiveness here.<i ss="calibre2">Reallyimpressed.</i>It’sstrange, almost.
“Ithink we’re going to have fun doing this, but let me be a good guy about it.Okay?Sohave dinner with me tomorrow night, and thenI’llfuck you senseless right after.”
<i ss="calibre2">Whythe hell are you single?Howis this possible?</i>NowIneed to see his penis immediately because there must be something horrendously wrong with it.Maybehe murdered someone?Maybehe tortures puppies?What’swrong with this man?
“Okay, thank you.Thatis incredibly nice.”
Finnsmiles. “Ihave a client tomorrow afternoon, butI’llbe done well before six.Doyou have a nice dress?”
<i ss="calibre2">Literallyone.</i>It’sthe same dressIwore to my thirtieth birthday dinner.Idon’t even know whyIpacked it.It’sthe only dressIfeel good in, andIdidn’t want to leave it behind withMason.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, good.TheceIwant to take you to has a dress code.”Hekisses my forehead. “Getchanged andfortable.I’lllock up on my way out then go through the back gate.”
Hestands, butIstop him, my hand clenching his forearm.
“Hey,Finn?”
“Yeah?”Heblinks at me expectantly with his baby blue eyes.Hislight eyes in contrast with his jet-ck hair are so striking.Finn’san interestingbination of sexy, yet beautiful.Idon’t know whetherIwant to fuck him or paint him.
“Doyou read women’s magazines or something?Or, like…followOprah.It’sweird.Youtold me to fuck your face, and yet you also want to be a gentleman and take me to dinner before sex?”
Finnchuckles. “Youjust haven’t seen my dark side.<i ss="calibre2">Yet</i>.I’mtaking you to a really nice restaurant andI’mgoing to pick up the tab.Then, when we get home,I’mgoing to make you earn your meal.”
Icross my legs as the stirring between my thighs kicks up again. “Allright then,Finn.Keepyour secrets.Goodnight.”
Istand up, intent on grabbing a clean pair of underwear, butFinnpauses in the bedroom doorway.Hespins around to look at me across the room. “Avery, my dad is a womanizer.”
“What?”I’mcaught off guard by his odd deration.
“Mydad treats women like shit.AndIswear,I’mhis spitting image.Myentire life is basically my apology to the world for his behavior and a desperate attempt to prove that even thoughIlook just like him,I’mnothing like him.”Finn’seyes are on the hardwood floor, one of the rare moments he’s not making eye contact with me. “That’swhyI’mnice.”
“OhmyGod…I, um…<i ss="calibre2">shit,Finn</i>.I’mnot usually lost for words…”
“It’sokay, don’t say anything.Ijust wanted you to knowI’mnot ying you.”Helooks up and his smile returns. “I’mfor real.I’ma good guy.”
Inod, becauseIbelieve him.<i ss="calibre2">Finnis for real.</i>“Okay,”Iwhisper.
“Allright,Queen.Getsome rest.You’regoing to need it.”Hewinks. “Dreamof me tonight.”