Chapter 21


    Both of the windows in my bedroom are open and the cool air floods in rapidly. Not bothering to keep


    myself warm, I sit on my bed in my pajamas, waiting for him. The room is dark. The only light is leaking


    from the bathroom, through the closed door. The Moon creates a glow in my room, all white objects


    now a hazy blue.


    It makes me feel as if I''m dreaming, this glow, these hues. I hold onto my pillow, suffocating it in my


    arms as my eyes stay fixated on the middle window, the one right across from me. The forest looks like


    a ck, stormy ocean during the night, and he emerges from it like the beast who lurks in its depths.


    My heart races as I wait for him.


    The coldness cleanses me. My toes lose feeling and my lips turn blue, but I feel crisp, I feel fresh. The


    sounds of footsteps against grass bring my heart to a sudden halt, and I hardly feel a pulse from then


    on. I slowly stand, feeling my bed against the back of my thighs. He''s here.


    I close my eyes to calm myself, focusing on my deep breathes, but when I open them, he''s in front of


    me. He stands like a warrior from another time, like a beast, like a man, like something in my dreams. I


    swallow and stay put, not hurrying to him. "It''s freezing in here, Rae," he says, his voice crawling up my


    legs.


    "You lied to me again," I tell him smoothly. "All you do is tell me lies."


    James nears me.


    "I spoke with Alpha Waters, so what''s really going on? What did you lie about this time?"


    "Rae, you have to listen to me," he says, reaching for my hands, but I bring them to my chest.


    "I can''t trust you. You won''t let me trust you."


    "I can exin."


    I peer away from his face, wanting to feel strong again. "Why? Why did you lie about having issues with


    my pack?"


    "I did it to keep you safe—"


    I shake my head. "I can''t do this anymore. I''ve given you so many chances, and you just throw them


    away. I look like an idiot now. I''m the girl who just keeps giving in. I''m pathetic because of you."


    "I can exin," he says again.


    "So now you''ll tell the truth because you got caught? Why couldn''t you just give me the truth before?


    Why is this so hard for you? How do I even know if what you''re about to tell me is the truth?"


    James looks distressed. "It was my father."


    "You can''t keep ming this on your father. You''re your own person—"


    "No, my father came to my pack." I stay quiet, letting him speak. "A few days after you went home, he


    showed up out of nowhere. When I came to see you, and you wanted toe back, I couldn''t let you


    because he was still there."


    "Your Father is dead, James," I say, knowing that he lied about that too. "So he''s not dead?"


    James doesn''t say anything.


    "Why didn''t you just tell me your father was back then? Why did you have to lie?"


    James runs his hand through his hair. "Because I didn''t want you knowing that he was still alive. I don''t


    want you to worry about him, ever. He is a bad man, Rae. He does not know that you exist. I don''t want


    him to. I wanted the both of you to be nonexistent in each other''s worlds."


    "He doesn''t know I exist?" I ask.


    "No," James says strongly.


    "And it''s not because he doesn''t want you to have a Mate? It''s not because you still want to impress


    him?"


    James grabs my hands, feeling my cool skin against his warmth. "No. It''s because I don''t want him to


    "What about her?" I ask readily.


    "What do you mean?"


    I stare directly into his eyes. "Were you with her? Was she there? Is she there?"


    James'' brows furrow. "You would have felt it."


    "How do you—"


    "Because a few days ago I felt something."


    Property of N?)(velDr(a)ma.Org.


    My mind shoots to when Noah kissed me. My throat runs dry and I struggle to find something else to


    me him for. I''m still upset that he lied to me about Alpha Waters, but he wasn''t with her. Am I really


    going to fight with him over a lie that kept me safe? Does it bother me that much? It stings a little, but I


    hate myself for being able to understand it. Did I think that his father was still alive? I don''t know. That


    definitely wasn''t on my mind. "Noah kissed me," I tell him.


    James nods, backing away. "Alright. If that''s what you want, then I won''t stand in your way."


    I watch him as he watches me, waiting for the next few words to slip from my lips. "It—It wasn''t that


    way," I exin calmly. "He thought our rtionship was something more than it was. I didn''t know that


    he was going to kiss me. I pushed him away and he left."


    James nods again. "My Father left this morning. I don''t think he''ll be back for a while."


    "I''m worried that I''m making another mistake."


    He ces both his hands on the sides of my arms. "I know it may not seem like it, but I''m trying, I really


    am. I know it looks like mistake after mistake, but everything behind them has been genuine. I can''t say


    that I know what I''m doing because I don''t. I want you to be happy, Rae, that''s all I know. I''m trying to


    get better at that; making you happy. I know you can''t trust me, and I''m not asking you to. Whatever


    you decide, I will stand behind. I just can''t carry on if you think that I haven''t tried."


    My eyes drift away again, knowing that if I keep looking at him, I''ll give in to something much more.


    What can I say? He lied to keep me from his father. He shouldn''t have lied, but it wasn''t because he


    was with her, it wasn''t because he wanted to keep me here, it was for me. I want to believe that it was


    wrong, every part of it, but that''s not true.


    "You''ve been trying?" I ask.


    James gently brings my eyes to his with his fingers under my chin. "I have. But keeping someone safe


    and happy at the same time is more difficult than I thought. But I''m getting better. I''m trying to learn


    from my mistakes."


    His hand falls.


    My n of breaking our bond has been tossed away, hasn''t it? I''m not going to tell him to reject me, but


    I need a test run. I need to proceed cautiously until I know what he''s saying is the truth. I need to test


    him. It''s the only n that doesn''t make me feel pathetic.


    "So you''re going to take me back to your pack?" I ask.


    "If it''s what you want, I''ll bring you back."


    I nod, drifting off to my bed, sitting down. If he does one bad thing to me, I''ll give up. I''m going to


    promise myself that. I''ll go back to his pack to see if everything has been genuine as he says. Her, I''ll


    talk with the hallway ghost as well, I think. Theresa and Gail also. And his Beta, Will. I have a right to


    investigate.


    "Okay, then I want to go back," I tell him, feeling secure with my sudden n.


    He nears me, sitting down beside me. "You''re sure?"


    "Yes, I''m sure."


    My eyes get knotted with his and I find myself in a trance. Internally, I''m yelling at myself to not give in,


    so when he draws close, I look away. If I give in now, I won''t be able to make a fair judgment.


    "We''ll go in the morning," I say confidently. "I''m going to need time to get some things packed and say


    goodbye to my Mother."


    James nods.


    Satisfied, I also nod. "I''m going to get some things together now. You cany down. How will we be


    getting back?"


    "I brought a car this time. People know I''m here," James says.


    "No sneaking away?"


    "Well, now that my father''s gone, I''m not worried about causing suspicion. He''s a smart man. He''s not


    afraid to question."


    "Okay," I take a deep breath, "get some sleep. I''ll wake you in the morning."


    I grab my bag—the same one I used the first time—and I start to fill it with clothes. Once that is full, I


    grab a smaller one to hold toiletries and other odds and ends. The diary fits in there nicely, and I top it


    off with different books and my iPod. I lose track of time and find it to be two in the morning when the


    bags are stuffed full.


    My eyes wander to my bed to see James in a deep sleep. He looks rxed, less intimidating. I close


    the windows and cover him, but I don''t gain the courage to get in with him. This isn''t likest time. This


    is different. Instead, I close the bathroom door behind me and lock it. Once naked, I turn on the shower


    and let the heat warm up my toes. The small space fogs up quickly to the point where it is hard to


    breathe, but I don''t get out for another twenty minutes. As my head starts to hurt and the room spins, I


    shut off the water and towel myself before opening the door.


    James is still there, asleep.


    The chilled air of my bedroom clears my head, and I slip on clean pajamas. For a minute or two, I


    contemte sleeping next to him but eventually end up in the guest room.


    I don''t sleep much. I wake up many times throughout the remainder of the night and find it difficult to fall


    back asleep. Once the sun begins to rise in the window, I get up as if I had slept through it all


    seamlessly. There is some odd energy fueling me. Possibly excitement. Possibly excitement due to the


    fact that my mother is going to not onlye in contact with James but hear that things between us are


    not in ruins. It is my strike back to her plethora of hits on my role as a Luna. Well, I''m not actually a


    Luna, but it will still feel good.


    When I hear my mother downstairs, I tiptoe to my bedroom and slip inside, finding James to be still


    sleeping. He must never get to sleep in, I suppose.


    I softly ce my hand on his shoulder. "James? It''s time to get up."


    When he doesn''t react, I tap. "James?"


    When he shifts a little, but his eyes don''t open, I squeeze his arm, feeling his muscles then swiftly


    letting go. He breathes in air and sounds as if he''sing back to life. He groans a bit then shifts some


    more then is eyes wave open and closed before staying open. It looks as if he''s remembering where he


    is. "It''s morning," I murmur.


    "Right," he mutters, not awake at all, not like I am. "How much time do you need?"


    My mind has to work a little harder when also watching him. It takes me a few seconds to think of an


    answer as he sits up. "Uh, everything''s done. I''m ready to go." James peers to the ugly rm clock on


    my bedside table. "I thought we could leave through the front door."


    He nces back at me, subtly amused.


    I leave for a moment to bring my bags downstairs, giving him a few extra minutes to wake up. I slip


    past the kitchen where my mother is standing, waiting for her coffee, wrapped in her purple robe. She


    doesn''t notice me, so I hurry up to fetch James. On the way down, he trails behind me and I poke my


    head into the kitchen, ready to go. "Mom?" I pipe up, expecting her to turn around and greet me, but


    she doesn''t. She fumbles with the coffee maker.


    I move into the doorway and so does James, cing us in prime viewing range. Of course she can''t


    smell him, but even if it was just me, some eye contact is expected. "Mom?"


    "Good morning, Rae, sorry. The coffee makers acting up again. I just can''t...seem to fix it," she says


    while pulling it apart. "I can make breakfast if you''re hungry. I didn''t expect you to be up so early. You''re


    feeling better since the incident with Noah?" Before I can ask her how she knows anything about that,


    or even tell her to stop, she rambles on. "His Mother told me what happened. I''m sure it was all a


    misunderstanding. You know boys, they don''t always say the right things."


    Practicallyughing is different than saying, but before I lose her again, I cut in. "Mom, please. Not


    now."


    She finally turns around and her face falls nk. "Uh, what''s— Rae."


    "I came to tell you that I''m going back to James'' pack."


    She ces down the stray piece of stic from the coffee maker, not taking her eyes off of the Alpha in


    her house. It''s clear that she doesn''t know what to say. "You are? Oh, well, and I''m assuming you are


    —"


    He reaches his hand out to her properly. "James Grant, Alpha of—"


    "Of course, of course," she breathes out. "I finally get to meet the man behind all of this."


    She shakes his hand, but James looks rather confused by the second part. Not wanting her to


    borate, I make my way around the counter and give her a hug, something I almost never do. "I''ll call


    you when we get there?"


    "Uh, sure. Yes. You''re leaving right now?"


    "Right now," I smile. "And tell Noah that it was nice meeting him. I wish him luck, but I''m sure he''ll find


    someone soon. And I''m sorry for the way I was acting, it wasn''t right. But don''t worry, I won''t forget


    what you said. I promise."