MAGGIE’s POV
I fixed myself to look for ze. I don’t care if he pushes me as long as I can tell him what I want to say. I couldn’t sleep all night thinking and waiting for him. Last night when he left I called him but his cellphone was turned off. I don’t want to call his friends because for sure they will just judge me.
It’s not them I want to talk to but ze. I knew I was guilty because I kept it a secret. But I just found out recently that our marriage was fake. I have no idea because Miles took care of everything since betting is the main reason for the marriage so I left it to her.
I called Milesst night and she cried and cried and apologized. I feel her sincere apology. We both didn’t know that I would fall for ze. That I will learn to love him.
I found out our marriage was fake when I told Miles that I would no longer continue taking Paloma and that I would return it to her. When I told her that I wanted ze and I to get married, she said that our marriage was fake. She faked our marriage so that when I wanted to leave there was no problem. But I fell in love with him.
I wanted to tell ze the truth the day I found out but I was afraid of what he might think. I was afraid he might get mad at me. I was ovee with love and fear so I was not able to tell him the truth.
I ept the deal with Miles because I know myself that I will never fall for ze. The Paloma is important to me. In Paloma, I had the happy memories of my youth that my family was stillplete. My birthday, Margot’s birthday and special asion are at Paloma we celebrate. Even when daddy left us mommy always took us there.
I feel the ce belongs to me. When I am there my happy memoriese back. It’s just that I feel real joy that I can’t find anywhere and with anyone. When mom die, I feel I am alone. I feel so helpless but when I’m in Paloma I feel I have all the strength to live. All bait, regrets, hatred, stress is gone.
Mom told me to be strong. When she was alive she always told me that I don’t need anyone to be whole. Your happiness should not be dependent on others. Mom told me that no one else can really make you happy. True happiness is in yourself alone. And I followed that because that’s what nted in my mind.
Especially when I saw how she was hurt badly by daddy’s departure. I promise myself that I will never be like her. Even if everyone leaves me it’s nothing to mourn like mommy does. I will stand on my own. I will treat everyone as a thing that has just passed through life and will also disappear. Because I don’t want to go through what mommy went through. I saw her fall and I don’t want that to happen to me because I might not be able to handle it.
I lived with no one else to believe in but myself and I didn’t need other people like mommy said. Until Dn became my first boyfriend. And like Mommy, Dn said the same thought. It is your fault when you are hurt. Because you let other people hurt you. It’s your fault when you be a loser because you didn’t fight back. It is not wrong to be kind but it is a sin to be weak. So when you are hurt there is no one else to me, only you and not the others.
I met Khairo, my next boyfriend after Dn. To make it short, he is different from everyone else. And because of him I believe the fun is more real when with someone. I give him my world. I changed and became dependent on him. But I found out that he was married and that I am a mistress.
My life fell. I feel like I want to die. I suffered emotional stress, I was hurting myself and I was losing myself. I can’t understand everything but only my pain and I thought I would never be able to recover.
When I recover, I go back to where I used to be, which is even worse, and I promise myself that I will never love again. I will live on my own. I will never experience the pain I have experienced so many times. Because by chance, I might be able to handle it.
Until ze came. I really just did that for Paloma. I offer him myself aspensation because I got the Paloma. I had no intention of falling for him even though we were married. But I didn’t know I was going to fall for him. He was the only one who saw how I really felt. Even Khairo before never said he was worried with me. Never talk about my emotion.
ze made me realize that there is nothing wrong with gambling on love. ze made me feel like he loved me. We just promised and he wouldn’t leave me. So I trusted because I felt that ze and I really loved each other. I returned Paloma only to found out that our wedding is fake.
“Hi,” I greeted everyone in the office. Everyone is there but ze is not. No one answered me but I don’t care. I just came here for ze not for them.
“I can’t me you if you judge me and I also don’t care what you think of me. I just came here to check ze.”
“No one knows,” Phoenix said.
“Of all people Maggie, why ze?” Jace said. “You chose the wrong toy.”
“I won’t say sorry or exin myself. I came here so I could talk and exin to him my side and not to you.”
“Good luck!” Zeus said.
“Dane, I am sorry.” I looked at Dane.
“Miles called me and exined everything,” Dane said. “I called ze and told him what Miles said but he didn’t seem to care.
“Where is he?”
“Let it go first, Mags. Let him calm down. For sure he will go home,” she added.
“Our friend loves you and we feel that too,” Jace said.
I could do nothing but leave the office. I’ll just look for ze and maybe I can find him somewhere.
I am the coffee shop. Thinking about what happen. I can’t me ze if he leaves me. If he leaves my life. I will just ept it. But what I want is for me to be able to exin. Tell him what I want to say before we part properly. I just want to exin everything on him. I don’t want to have thoughts that I can’t tell him. I want to express everything so that I have no regrets.
I don’t want to repeat what happened to my mommy and me. The night before she dies I had a fight with her. I med her why daddy left us. I said I hated her. I med her because she was always fighting with daddy so dad left.
The next day at school is Mother’s day. Our teacher exins the mother’s role. The importance of being a mother. That day I had a lot of realization and said to myself I will ask forgiveness to mom for whatever I said. I brought flowers and a card for her. But when I got home she’s dead.
A big regret in my life is that I didn’t apologize to her. Why I didn’t tell her was everything I wanted to say. And I don’t want to lose ze to me that I can’t tell him everything I want to say.
“Ow, thanks dad, you’re the best.”
“You’re wee. Everything for you.” I automatically turned away when I heard that voice. I can’t be wrong that it was him. I stood up and approached them. He was surprised to see me. Even her two children looked at me.
“Maggie?”
“Aunt Celia?” aunt Celia is my mom’s friend mommy used to be jealous of. But why is it that her daughter is the same age as Margot and I.
“Who is she?” asked a woman about my age.
“Celia,” Daddy stood up and motioned to Aunt Celia. She left with two children.
“Dad, what does that mean? Who are they?”
“They are my family. You need to know the truth, Maggie.”
“What?”
“Celia and I are the real couples before I marry your mom. Your mommy just fooled me. I never love your mom.”
“That’s not true, dad.”
“That’s the truth. They are my family and I love them.”
“Did you love Margot and me?” I asked. Dad look at me until I heard the saddest words that every child doesn’t want to hear from their parents.
“I have no choice but to say yes, both of you are my — unwanted child. Your mom always makes the move. She’s the only one who wants to have children.”
“I hate you,”
“I am sorry, Maggie, I am truly happy with my new family that I can call my real family.”
“And you left us? We’re your children too.”
“I give all my shares, the money I have for the future of you and Margot.”
“And do you think we need your money?”
“For future yes. That’s all I can give you.”
“I regret that you are my father. I wish you all would die.”
And I left the coffee shop.
I went home I’m in so much pain now. I don’t know what to do and I need ze with me. Even if he has nothing to do or say. He just hugs me it’s ok with me.
After all these years I thought it was mommy’s fault why daddy left us. That’s why she got addicted to alcohol to escape the pain that daddy gave him. Daddy had another family back then. Adding to my regrets were the many things I said that would hurt mommy before she died.
I heard the sound of a car. I quickly stood up and greeted ze. He went home. He came home with me.
“ze.” I hugged him but he just removed my hand. He went to the bedroom and took a bag then put on the clothes. “ze what are you doing?”Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org.
“This game is over and congrats you win. I will leave.”
“ze, let’s talk.”
“We don’t have anything to talk about anymore, everything is clear to me.”
“Please hear my side, ze.”
“I don’t want to hear anything from you.”
“Don’t leave. Don’t leave me. I beg you not to leave me.”
“Let me go while my mind is still ok.” Then he turned to me. “Because you won’t like what I will do to you.”
“Let me exin, please.” He lowered the bag and held my arm tightly.
“What are you going to exin to me, that you’re a liar, you’re maniptive, you’re selfish, an attention seeker, don’t want to lose? Then, I know all of that. This fucking lie is over, Maggie. Let’s end this fucking nonsense.”
“ze, sorry.”
“You’re a cheater, you’re a liar, how sure I am that you were really a virgin when I got you, maybe you just had surgery to pretend you’re a virgin and let me believe you.” I p him hard but he doesn’t move.
“ze, I’m sorry, I didn’t —” But he averted his face when I was about to touch him. “I love you, I love you, true love. I’m not like that, ze, yes I was wrong but I won’t use myself and pretend to be a virgin just to get what I want. I gave you my purity because I trusted you.”
“I don’t care what you’re saying anymore.”
“ze, please believe me. I love you.”
“You don’t love me, Maggie, you just found a toy and you fooled me.” He grabbed his bag and left but I chased him until we got down.
“No, ze, that’s not true. You promised you wouldn’t leave me.” I blocked his path and grabbed the door. “Please I need you tonight.”
“Move, Maggie.” But instead of following, I knelt down and hugged his leg, and continued to cry.
“I need you, please, please, just now. Just now ze. Please stay with me.”
“Let me go if you don’t want to kick you.”
“No, I don’t want to, please stay with me tonight. Just now, even just tonight, tomorrow it’s ok for me if you leave. I need you tonight. Please.”
“Get out of my way, Maggie. If you don’t want me to hit you so I can get through.”
“I saw my dad.” I did not hear anything from him. “He said he didn’t love my mom so he left us. He said he doesn’t love us. He doesn’t care about our feelings. ze, all I know, is not true. All the fun back then was pure lies. I’m hurt by everything I found out. I need you now.”
He knelt down and held me by the shoulder.
“You deserve it.” I can’t believe what he said.
“ze,”
“Feel what I feel, because that’s how I feel now because of your lies.”
“Marriage is just not true to us, ze, but my love for you is true.”
“You don’t know how to love, Maggie, you only appreciate what those people that you can make fool. That you can use.”
“That’s not true, I love you, I really love you.”
“A selfish like you doesn’t know how to love and you are not deserving to receive love.” I cried while staring at him.
“Don’t leave me, just now please, I’ll give you your freedom, just stay with me tonight. Please help me even now because I’m confused and I don’t know what to do. I am afraid to be alone tonight.”
“You deserve to be alone. You deserve to be alone in life.” He forcefully removes my hand and stands up.
“Do not leave me.” I tried to hold on to his foot but he just tried to remove it. He was also using force on me and because he was stronger I did nothing. He grabbed me by both wrists as he finally removed my hand.
“Take this house as the price of your virginity. I don’t care about this house anymore. I don’t care about you anymore.” He threw me away so I fell to the floor but I still tried to crawl to chase him while I continued to cry.
“ze!” He opened the door. “ze, When you’re gone I don’t know what to do.”
“Do whatever you want. Continue manipting people because that’s what you are. Goodbye Maggie, see you in hell.”
“ze!”
He mmed the door to close and all I did was cry. While hunched over holding on to the door.
Mom is right, it’s not true that someone is willing to stay and understand me. Love is not real and it is not true that anyone will love me but myself.
I shouldn’t expect anything from other people. All promises are untrue. They only love you when they want and you are good. But when you make a mistake you are no longer loved. People always saw your mistakes. With a hundred goodness you do when you make a mistake once all you did well no longer matters.
Mommy is right, you shouldn’t trust to not get hurt. Dn is right, you are a fool if you let others hurt you. I’m a fool because I believe someone will love me and I won’t be hurt.
I am alone again. I don’t have anyone with me anymore. I have no ally anymore. I was alone again, and this time it was even more painful than my previous loneliness.
I feel my body numb and darkness covers me. I feel like I can’t breathe. My chest tightens. I was dizzy and I couldn’t understand. My mind was in turmoil and I felt like I was going to die without knowing it.
I cried andughed at the same time so I could breathe. No, I hate this feeling. Thest time I feel this is when Khairo and I broke up.
‘I do not want! I do not want to! I do not want!’
“FUCKK!” Thest words I scream before I faint.