I thought a virtual morning coffee date with my best friend would be a good idea.Sassinessaside,Imiss her.She’smore family than friend, and this is the longest we’ve gone without talking in at least a decade.Butthe problem with very long-term friendships is that sometimes you’ve excused the bad behavior for so long, you almost don’t recognize it.
“Palmer,”Isay, staring at the side of her face, her eyes clearly on her phone off screen as she’s texting. “Doyou need to go?”
“Onesec,” she mumbles andIhear her pecking away at her phone.Whomevershe’s messaging must be getting an earful.
“BecauseIcan call you back.”She’sbeen ignoring me for at least five minutes now.Ithought a face-to-face conversation might help us connect.
“Justone sec.”
Overthe past month,I’vebeen spending all my free time withFinn—<i ss="calibre2">okay, underFinn</i>—and withLennox.It’snever thisplicated with them.Inever have to beg for eye contact or their attention.WhydoesPalmertreat me this way when it’d be so easy to be decent to me?<i ss="calibre2">Whydo we trample on the ones we love?</i>I’malmost bothered that my new friends are unintentionally pointing out the ring issues in my oldest friendship.
Iwait another two minutes beforeIinform her, “Okaythen.I’lltry and catch you another time when you’re—”
“There,” she grumbles.Sheputs her phone down and faces me head-on.Sheadjusts her iPad, realizing she was only in half of the frame this entire time. “Sosensitive.Itwas a work thing.Sorry, there’s drama going on and it’s stressing me the fuck out.Somegirl is trying to get me fired.”
Andhere is the quintessential problem with my rtionship withPalmer.Instinctively,I’mtoo protective and overly concerned.<i ss="calibre2">I</i>canin about her obnoxious nuances, butI’mthe<i ss="calibre2">only</i>one who can.BecauseIlove her.BecauseIalways have her best intentions at heart.AndwhileIhave to gently remind her,<i ss="calibre2">almost daily</i>, how<i ss="calibre2">not</i>to be a shit friend, nobody threatensPalmer.Ibe a bulldog with a big bark when ites to my best friend.
“Who?Andwhy?”
“Thedirector’s assistant.It’sfucking ridiculous.Jealousbitch.Ithink she wanted to be considered for my role, but instead, she’s basically a glorified stagehand.”Palmertwists open a bottle of water and takes a hurried sip. “Sheeven asked me for acting advice once.Canyou believe that?Thenshe wants to stab me in the back by whining to the director whenI’te—Imean<i ss="calibre2">once.</i>Iwaste once.Well, twice, but the other timeIwas sick, so that’s not my fault.”
Iwrap my hands tightly around my jumbo novelty mug, which was a gag gift fromFinn.Itmust be for soup becauseI’mcertain it holds at least twenty-four ounces.Heproudly showed up at my door one morning with this giant ck mug with hot pink writing that reads:<i ss="calibre2">Ihad great sex inLasVegas.</i>Hetold me it made him think of me while he was at the store and he left with a snicker.
Needlessto say, it’s now my favorite mug in the world.Ismile into my cup asIaskPalmer, “Whywould she be so devious after you helped her?”
“Helpedher what?”Palmersnaps.
Iswallow my sip of over-the-top sweet coffee. “Yousaid you gave her advice…”
Palmersnorts. “No,Isaid she asked for advice.WhatItold her was to lose twenty pounds, save up ten grand, and buy herself a set of tits.”
Iinhale and blow out a breath, debating whether this is even my battle to fight. “Shouldyou say that kind of thing to people?Youprobably pissed her off and now she’s out to get you.Noteveryone understands your humor.”
Sheraises one brow at me. “Iwasn’t trying to be funny.”
<i ss="calibre2">Ohfor the love ofGod.</i>“Iseriously doubt one grudge can get you fired from a role.Howmany episodes have you filmed now?”
“Five.Andrumor has it, we’re about to be picked up by a big streamingwork.I’mnot technically allowed to say who, but if you can read between the lines, it’sNet—”Shesilently flicks the air in front of the screen.
<i ss="calibre2">Clever.</i>“Really?That’samazing.”Idrop my jaw and force my eyes into wide, enthusiastic circles. “Whyaren’t you more excited?”Iclick my manicured nails against the side of my mug and it apparently capturesPalmer’sattention.Sheleans closer to the screen, peering at my nails.
“Areyou wearing acrylic?Youhate acrylics.”
“No, it’s actually this hybrid dip thing.MyfriendLennoxrmended it.”That’squite literally my best description.LennoxandIwent to the salon and allIknow is this is somewhere between gel polish and acrylic, except it’s vegan, cruelty-free, and smells like pears.Iexamine my mint green nails, which are the colorFinnsuggested when he saw me off to my day date withLennoxa couple of days ago.Andby<i ss="calibre2">suggested</i>Imean he pulled me into his chest and whispered in my ear that my hand decorated in green would look beautiful wrapped around his cock.
“Whothe hell isLennox?”
“Finn’scousin…and employee…and best friend…and sort of roommate,I’mnot sure.She’sjust always around.”
Palmer’seyes narrow at the smile on my face. “Who’sFinn?”
Settingmy mug aside,Ithen press my fingers against my eyelids. “TheguyI’msleeping with,Palmer.TheguyI’vetold you about countless times now.”
“Hottattoo guy?Yoursex coach thing is still going on?”Shetsks her tongue in a way that screams condescending. “That’s<i ss="calibre2">adorable</i>.”
Mysmile instantly dissipates.Thefamiliar feeling washes over me andIshrivel.Whatis it?It’shard to put my finger on it…Itis the special, passive-aggressive wayPalmerkeeps me in my ce and reminds me that no matter whatIhave, no matter how shiny it is, it’s small…cute…<i ss="calibre2">adorable</i>.Andnow thatI’vehad a taste of support, it’s clear as day—she needs to do better.<i ss="calibre2">She’scapable of doing better.</i>
“Doesit make you feel good about yourself when you make me feel like that?”
“What?”Herlight eyes widen as she tucks a strand of her tinum-blond hair behind her ears.
“Thatword, ‘<i ss="calibre2">adorable</i>.’Itcheapens whatI’mdoing.Finndoesn’t pity me.Ithink he’s actually really into me.We’regood together.Betterthan good.We’reover-the-top,<i ss="calibre2">hot</i>together.Andeven if it’s just for the summer,Ifeel alive.Ifeel bold and brave, and for the first time in…<i ss="calibre2">ever</i>,I’mlearning to appreciate my body exactly the way it is.Ifyou love me, please don’t poke at that or make a mockery of it.Ifyou don’t have something kind to say, just don’t say anything.”
Isteady my breath, slow inhale, slow exhale, amidst my pounding heart.Ihate having to stand up toPalmer, but not because of an impending screaming match.It’sbecause she’s sensitive.Andby drawing boundaries…Ijust made her cry.
“Oh,Palmer,”Isay, “please don’t cry—”
“No, no,” she says, sniffling.Herface instantly turns red and blotchy. “You’reright.I’msorry.IthinkI’mjust jealous.LennoxandFinn—they’re a big part of your life now andI’mnot there to experience it with you.Adorableis just a word,Aves.Ididn’t mean anything by it.AndI’mso proud of you.Youcould’ve been a hot fucking mess after your breakup withMason, but instead, you’vee out on top.<i ss="calibre2">Youalwayse out on top.</i>I’mso sorry ifIwas mean—”
“It’s<i ss="calibre2">okay</i>,”Isay. “Thankyou for listening and apologizing.”Iknow what she’s about to say next.It’salways the way we end these ufortable exchanges.
“Idon’t deserve you,” she mumbles.
Ifollow up with my part, like a rehearsed scene. “Doesn’tmatter, best friend.You’vegot me.”
Thestone path that leads toFinn’sphotography studio is beautiful…but uneven.I’venearly rolled my ankles three times in my heels by the timeImake it to the clients’ entrance.Acrossthe yard,Isee the gate that leads toDex’shot tub.Finn’sbackyard is beautiful and well-kept, but small—it’s about half the size ofDex’s.
Strangelyenough, in the entire time we’ve been hanging out,Ihaven’t been inside his studio once.Finnalways picks me up or meets me atDex’s.Plus, he imsLennoxis always lurking at his home, and we wouldn’t have privacy.Whata wonderful freaking change of pace.Aman who puts in the effort.Thenext manIdate most definitely needs this quality.There’snothing better than opening the front door and seeing your hunky knight in armor smoldering at you.
Asa break from our normal tradition,Finnasked me to meet him in his studio before we head to dinner with his dad.I’mbarely in front of the ss doors before he greets me with a smile as he slides the door open.Heclutches his heart.
“God,Ilove this dress on you.Youlook gorgeous.”Hecocks an eyebrow and stares at me warningly.
“Thankyou,”Isay.
“Thereit is.”Hewinks at me. “Goodgirl.”
“IwishIhad something new to wear for tonight, but it’s my only fancy dress.”Ishrug. “Sorry, you’ve seen me in this before.”
“Whybe sorry?”Hisdimples deepen as he looks me up and down. “Youshould live in this dress,Queen.Dayin and day out.”Hents a quick peck on the top of my head and brushes my hair behind my back and follows up with a kiss on my neck, then my bare shoulder.
“Youclean up nice yourself.”Tono one’s surprise,Finnis dressed impably.Hisclean tan cks are wrinkle-free and pair nicely with his long-sleeved ck dress shirt with subtle gray pinstripes.Doeshe have this much style on his own, or doesLennoxdress him too?Ipoke him in the chest yfully but let my fingers linger whenIfeel the electricity pulsing through them.WhenamIgoing to get tired of this?Whenwill enough be enough?Becaustely,Ihave to cross my legs whenI’maroundFinnto control the instant urge.I’venever felt like this.I’venever<i ss="calibre2">needed</i>sex like this before.It’snever been this fun.
Myfingers trail down his chest, over the bumps of his tight six-pack covered by the thin fabric of his shirt.Helets me tap teasingly against his belt a few times before he grabs my hand. “Notime,Avery.Andanyway,Iwant to show you something.”
Hces his fingers with mine and leads me past the small seating area.Wepause in front of a closed door andFinnturns to face me.Sometimes, he takes me off guard.Attimes whenI’mleast expecting it, he stuns me with his gaze.Igawk at him like a deer in blinding headlights because it’s so easy to talk to him that sometimesIforget how fucking incredibly good-looking he is.
“Youokay?” he asks, his brows furrowing in puzzlement.
Iclear my throat and force myself to blink, feeling how heavy my fake eyshes are. “Yes.Fine.What’sup?”
“Rememberhow you saidIshould use a model for the new website?”
“Yes…”
IranFinnthrough a lot of suggestions.Noneof which he seemed particrly thrilled about.Isuggested that he set up partnerships with lingerie stores within a twenty-mile radius and offer a discount on his services for customers of boutiques willing to hand out his card.Heshrugged.Hesaid it felt like heckling.
Ialso suggested he film a few photography lessons for educational purposes to give tips and tricks to amateur photographers just starting out in the business.Educationalcontent is fantastic forSEO.Again, he thanked me for the suggestion but brushed it off.
Iran him through click traffic, promotion packaging, raising his pricing, adjusting the studio hours, and paying for ads in newsletters and bulletins.Allfell on deaf ears,<i ss="calibre2">except</i>the rebranding.Icame up with a new logo and new business name.<i ss="calibre2">FinnPhotography.</i>NoHarvey.Weditched the lousy tri-circle design he had and instead,Imocked up an iridescent shark fin on a clean ck surface.<i ss="calibre2">That</i>he loved.Hewas really enthusiastic about the designsIdrafted for the new business cards and flyersIemailed him.Theyare just mockups.I’llsend them to a professional designer to really take them to the next level.Inthe meantime, we’ve been stuck on the website.
Ialways tell my clients that a website needs to tell a story…without telling a story.Ithas to be subtle.Ithas to be an<i ss="calibre2">energy</i>.Thereis a way to evoke emotion with colors and fonts, and good branding is what hooks and keeps a client.
Finnneeds a model to show off his boudoir photography skills.Weneed images that are tasteful, yet edgy.Weneed women to see an image and want to picture themselves in the scene.Iwas under the impressionFinnwould reach out to a former client to get their permission to use certain pictures, but judging by the look on his face, he wildly misjudged whatImeant.
“You,” he says simply. “Iwant you.You’reperfect.”Heopens the door andIsuck in a sharp breath at the sight.
Thefloor is covered in ck flower heads.It’sa sea of wrong-colored roses.Itfeels like walking right into a ck-and-white photograph.Theentire room is decorated in ck, white, and cream.There’sa coolness…and edge…a certain moodiness.Thefour-poster bed is made up with white sheets and sprinkled with pearl-white rose petals.Whatlooks like ink is spilled across the edge, dripping to the floor.Irun my finger over the dark spill.It’sglue…or wax, whatever it is, it’s solid.Everydetail, down to the string of pearls draped over the vanity mirror, is intricately ced.
“Thisis<i ss="calibre2">incredible</i>,Finn.It’stragic and haunting, but beautiful.It’sso<i ss="calibre2">…sexy</i>.”
“AllLennox,” he says from behind me asIstep farther into the room, trying not to squish the fake roses surrounding my feet.
“Itreminds me of…”Iroll my wrist in the air asItrail off and search my brain. “Whatare those ck-and-white movies called?”
“Filmnoir.”
“Exactly.Filmnoir.Ilove this.Thisis going to do<i ss="calibre2">so well</i>with clients.Whenare you going to start shooting in here?”Ispin around to face him, a wide smile on my face.Hereturns a half smile, his expression sly and teasing.
“Ihave to adjust the lighting, butI’mready to do a test session.Howabout after dinner you be my guinea pig?”
“No.”
“Tomorrow?” he offers.
“Notgood either.”
Hescrunches his face. “Well, when’s good for you?”
Ireturn his quizzical stare. “Whenguinea pigs fly.”Ishake off his ridiculous expression and hold my hand out. “Comeon.Aren’twe going to bete to meet your dad?”
“Avery,”Finnscolds.
“Finn,”Isay, just as sternly. “Letit go.It’snot happening.You’renot photographing me in here or anywhere.<i ss="calibre2">Especially</i>not with my clothes off.Endof discussion.Let’sgo.”
Hegrabs my hand but doesn’t take my lead.Instead, he yanks me against his body.Hewraps his strong arms around my waist and holds me in a bear’s grip.Whenhe feels my body rx, he reaches up with one hand and traces the slope of my forehead, down the bridge of my nose, finally tracing my lips with his finger. “Iknow you’re a little camera-shy.Ican help you with that.”
“No,”Imumble.
“I’mso good at my job,Avery.Itake beautiful photos.Ipromise.”
“I’veseen your work andIdon’t doubt that for a second,Finn.”
“Thenwhat’s the problem?Youwatched yourself in the mirror when you rode my tongue until you came.You’renot as shy as you’re pretending to be.Youdon’t even have to be fully nude if you don’t want to.”
“That’sdifferent.<i ss="calibre2">No.</i>”
“Ijust want you to see yourself the wayIdo.”
“Well,Idon’t.”<i ss="calibre2"></i>Iam on the borderline of a tantrum.Ifeel so ridiculous, butFinndoesn’t understand.WhateverspellIhave him under is emotional.Apicture can’t convey the<i ss="calibre2">feelings</i>Finngets around me.Apicture can’t describe the bonds of friendship we’ve built.Allhe’ll see in front of him is a woman who is probably twice the size of the rail-thin models he’s likely used to fucking.I’ma phase for him.Anover-correction.Asafeguard around his heart.I’venever seenNora, but how much do you want to bet she looks otherworldly gorgeous?
Ijust want to stay right where we are.Iwant to keep pretending for as long as we can.Onesummer.Iwas promised<i ss="calibre2">one freaking summer</i>.
“What’swrong?”Finnmurmurs. “Haven’tIspent the past month teaching you how to love yourself?RememberwhatItold you?It’sconfidence,Avery.”
Iraise my shoulders and drop them. “Iappreciate it.AndIfeel great being with you.Butyou don’t erase a lifetime of insecurities and doubt in a few weeks.Thisisn’t part of the deal.You’resupposed to show me how to fuck, not how to love.”
IwishIcould take it back.Iwant to swallow the words back down and shove them into the depths of my stomach.Idon’t mean a damn word, butI’mscared to tell him howIfeel.Thereis no good answer.Evenif he returns my feelings, the clock will immediately start ticking.Wemake sense in the bubble.Butwhat happens when we step out?Finnisn’t going to feel this way about me forever.
Hiseyelids droop as he presses his lips into a firm line. “Okay,Ihear you.”This belongs ? N?velDra/ma.Org.
“I’msorry.”
“It’sfine.Butit’s clear what we’re doing isn’t working.Iwanted to help you, not make you feel even more insecure.So…”Theflicker of a yful smile teases the corner of his lip. “Untilyou’re ready to do this”—he juts his thumb over his shoulder—“we should probably stop our lessons.”
“<i ss="calibre2">What</i>?”Ohno, buddy.No, no.<i ss="calibre2">Onewhole summer</i>.I’vegot six more weeks at least of enjoying your body.
“Youheard me.”Nowhe’s wearing a full-blown, shit-eating grin. “Comeon,Queen.We’regoing to bete.”
Heleaves me behind as he moves toward the door.Likea child robbed of her candy,Ican’t help but pout.Myhands find my hips and my toes nervously twitch in my high heels. “You’reseriously trying to cut me off from sex?Youreally think that’ll get you your way?”
“Excuseme,” he mumbles with his eyes locked on mine.Mygaze immediately falls to his crotch as he makes a meal out of adjusting himself through his pants, his thin cks easily outlining the shape of his dick.Evenunaroused, the man isHulk-sized. “Therewe go.Muchbetter.”
“Wasthat necessary?”Iask.Iblink at him, unimpressed. “That’sying dirty.”
“Don’tworry, sweetheart, it won’t take you long.You’llbe posing for me soon, and after, we’re going to christen this studio.I’mgoing to fuck you ten different ways in this room.Ipromise you that,” he says, following up with a light chuckle.
“I’mnot getting in front of the camera,Finn.”Ofall the stupid thingsIjust said, that part remains to be true.Itake his outstretched hand and weave my fingers in his.
“Oh,Avery,”Finnsingsongs. “I<i ss="calibre2">know</i>howIaffect you, andIhave<i ss="calibre2">every intention</i>of ying dirty.”