I reach across my nightstand and flip over my phone to check the time and my nonexistent missed calls.<i ss="calibre2">Onefifteen in the morning.</i><i ss="calibre2">Well, shit.</i>Iwildly misjudged that.Ireally thought she’d call.IleftAverymy number but didn’t grab hers.
Bestsex of my life.
AndIdidn’t grab her number.
Andplus,I’mher…<i ss="calibre2">what?</i>Sexcoach?Friend?Client?Allof the above.I’malso the guy who’s more into this arrangement thanIshould be.
It’ssimple really.Averyis open about her insecurities and asks questions because yes, maybe she trusts my so-called expertise in the bedroom, but she’s also very clearly written me off.Shecan’t fathom thatI’dwant her when ites to a real rtionship.<i ss="calibre2">She’sdead wrong.</i>WouldIspook her ifItold her thatI’dnever been that hard during sex before andI<i ss="calibre2">really</i>wanted to stay the night?Ileft like it was nothing, but it fucking bothered me.Wouldshe snap closed like a bear trap ifItold herIreally like her and she’s sort of restoring my faith in genuine connections?
Here’sthe problem—IlikeAverybecause we can talk.Iwould bet thest dor in my pocket that ifItold herIwas legitimately into her, she’d turn into the rest of them.Ovepensating, paranoid, defensive, and possessive.Ithappens every single time.WhatIhave withAveryis perfect because it’s riskless.Allreward…Okay,<i ss="calibre2">mostly reward</i>.Weshould be in the same bed right now.That’sthe next lessonI’mgoing to teach her.Aftergreat sex, you fall asleep next to each other, then wake up at one fifteen in the morning and do it again—
<i ss="calibre2">Buzz.Buzz.</i>
Well, speak of the damn devil.Myphone subtly vibrates and my prayers are answered.Alittleter thanIexpected, but hell,I’lltake whateverAvery’swilling to give at this point.
Lookingat my screen,Isee it’s an unsaved number, an area codeIdon’t recognize.
“Hey, you,”Ianswer with a wide smile on my face. “Changeyour mind?”
“Finn?”
Inearly choke whenIhear the voice on the other end of the line.Shootingup in bed,Ipull the sheet over myp, trying to cover up likeIgot caught naked.Thisseems to be my default aroundNora.I’vedone nothing wrong, butI’malways jumpy. “Nora?”
“Changemy mind about what?”
Isuck in a slow breath.<i ss="calibre2">Icould hang up.Ishould just fucking hang up.</i>ButIloved this woman for years.Neveronce in all that time didItreat her poorly.WhenIended things,Iasked her for civility.MaybeIshouldn’t provoke her. “Nothing,Ithought you were someone else.Didyou get a new number?”
“Yeah.I’monMorgan’sn.Who’scalling you in the middle of the night,Finn?”Hertone grows cool and my jaw twitches with agitation.
<i ss="calibre2">It’snot your business who’s calling me at any time of the day or night.</i>
“Apparentlyyou.Whyare you calling me thiste?Isit an emergency?”
“Ihad to wait until…”Shetrails off.
“UntilMorganfell asleep?”WhoamIkidding?Ofcourse they’re living together.Noracan’t stand the idea of living alone. “Ifhe doesn’t want you calling me, then you shouldn’t be calling me.Ihave to go—”
“<i ss="calibre2">Wait.</i>Finn, please.I’mjust calling to apologize.Iknow he called you.Ifhe was an ass,I’msorry…he’s so…so…controlling.Heshouldn’t have called.”
Ipress the speaker button and toss my phone on the bed.Itsinks into the downforter about a quarter inch.Thisduvet is overly fluffy and not my taste.Norapicked it out.Ineed to get rid of this thing.
“<i ss="calibre2">You</i>shouldn’t be apologizing for him.Andit’s not a big deal.Icleared it up, but just so you know, he thinks you’re cheating on him—”
“I’mnot.”
“Ididn’t ask if you were.Isimply said he thinks you are.Whateveryou two are going through, leave me out of it this time.”
Ihear a door creak open and click closed on her end.Iimagine her tiptoeing out of her apartment, well out of earshot.She’ssilent except for the sound of her shoes clicking against iron stairs.Whenshe’s finally reached her destination, she says in a huff, “I’mtrying, butI…Ijust don’t love him,Finn.I’vebeen trying really hard to move on, butImiss you.”
“Nora, stop—”
“<i ss="calibre2">No, please</i>,” she pleads. “Finn,IswearIcan do better.I’vebeen working on myself.Allthe things you said, all the<i ss="calibre2">awful</i>things you called me out for…you were right.<i ss="calibre2">Youare right.</i>I’vebeen reading some books about anxiety and how sometimes people whoe from bad childhoods can kind of project their insecurities—”
“Nora.”Oneword silences her.It’smy tone.t.Unconvinced.
“Please?Canwe just meet?Forcoffee?It’sbeen a long time.Peoplecan change and grow up…Iwant to show you thatIcan be a different person for you.”
Nora’seasier to deal with when she’s being unreasonable and cruel.Itmakes sense to walk away.Butevery time she’s about to cry, my natural instincts kick in.Myprimal urge to<i ss="calibre2">fix it</i>and<i ss="calibre2">make it better</i>gets the best of me.Soinstead of hanging up, likeIshould,Ido whatI’vebeen trying and failing at for years—Itry to exin.
“Itnever bothered me that you had anxiety or insecurities.Whatbothered me is how you treated me.Whatbothered me is howIwas paying for mistakesInever made.Itreated you with respect, love, and patience from the very beginning and for some reason you punished me for it.MaybeifI’dbeen an outright dick to you, you would’ve respected me back.”
“Iknow,” she whispers. “Iwasn’t in control of—”
“Nora.”
“<i ss="calibre2">Finn</i>,” she says through a sniffle. “I’mnot happy.You’rethe only one who makes me happy andIwill do better.Iwill treat you better.Ipromise.Wedon’t have to rush.Canwe<i ss="calibre2">just</i>meet up and talk?”
Foronce when ites toNora, my head and my heart are in the same ce. “No.Listento me.Ifyou don’t loveMorgan, leave him.Butif the reason you’re unhappy is because you’re holding onto the idea of us…<i ss="calibre2">don’t.</i>We’renot going back to our awful rtionship.I’msorry.It’stime to move forward, and us<i ss="calibre2">together</i>is not the future.”
Iblow out a big breath and rub my hands over my face.<i ss="calibre2">Thankyou,Avery.</i>Ineeded to know that talking to a woman doesn’t have to be painful, full of mimunications and misunderstandings.Ishould look forward to a call, not dread it.Ishould beughing more often than trying to hold back my anger.
Theline is silent for a while before she speaks again.Ican feel the atmosphere shift.Ican picture her eyes narrow and her hand on her hip as her tone turns frigid. “You’reseeing someone.”Shesays it like an usation.
I’msilent.<i ss="calibre2">Justhang up,Finn.Thisis a textbook trap.</i>
“Didyou hear me?” she asks, her tone still icy.
“Idid.”
“Well, are you?”
Icarefullypose my words. “WhetherIam or not doesn’t change anythingIjust said.”
“<i ss="calibre2">Who</i>?”Noraasks in what can only be described as a hiss.
“Why?Soyou can put a target on her back?”
“No.Ijust want to know who is<i ss="calibre2">so damn great</i>that they’d make you close the door on us.Howcould you just move on like—”
Ihowl in irritation. “Areyou fucking kidding me with this hypocrisy?You’reliving withMorgan.You’reon his cell phone n.Ofall the dudes you could pull—<i ss="calibre2">Morgan</i>?Afterwhat we went through?”
“It’snot like—”
“Stop.We’vebeen broken up for almost a year now.Yes,I’mseeing someone.Yes,I’mreally into her.No,Iwon’t tell you who.There’snothing left to use me of.”
“I’vebeen trying to call you for months,Finn.Ittakes a new number for you to even answer your phone?Youleft me and<i ss="calibre2">broke</i>me.Youdidn’t keep any of the fucking promises you made.Iactually thought you loved me.”
Iignore the tug in my chest. “Thegaslighting is old,Nora.Yousay you’ve changed, but this is exactly the shitIleft behind.We’renot together.I<i ss="calibre2">care</i>about you.Iwant good things for you.ButIdon’t love you anymore.”Iblow out another breath, trying to calm my rising blood pressure.Whenthe heat of my frustration subsides a little,Iadd, “Look, we’re better apart.Endof story.I’mhappier now.”
“You’rea goddamn liar.You’renever going to stop thinking about me.JustlikeI’mnever going to stop thinking about you.Youcan act like you don’t care, but you are never going to love someone the way you loved me.”
“Yeah,Ihope not.Thatlove almost destroyed me.”
“Fuckyou,Finn.Ihate you,” she says through sobs before she abruptly hangs up.
Theyaren’t crocodile tears.They’relegitimate.Nora’sfurious enough to cry when she doesn’t get her way and she loses control of a situation.Itused to work on me.I’dsee her wet eyes and the tear-stained cheeks on her pretty face andI’pletely forgetIwasn’t the one in the wrong.Thatkind of love is dangerous.Blinding.Maniptive.Itwill steal a man’s soul.Ibarely escaped with mine…I’mnot risking it again.
<i ss="calibre2">hirty-two a.m.</i><i ss="calibre2">Dammit.</i>I’mup now.
Ipull off the covers and swing my legs around, my feet hitting the wood floor with a soft thud.Thishouse always sounds so hollow at night.EverystepItake toward the kitchen echoes loudly off the walls.This belongs ? N?velDra/ma.Org.
Openingthe fridge,Idecide on anskanAmber.Igrab the maic bottle opener from the fridge door andI’vebarely popped the top on my beer whenIhear the faintest knock at the front door.It’spast one in the morning.Eitherthis isAveryor the politest burr in the world.
Pausingby the security rm,Idisarm the front door and open it to seeAvery, her hair in its usual disarray.She’swearing pajama shorts and a tight tank top that’s so long it hugs the outward curve of her womanly hips.Inever thoughtIhad a type before but fuck, doIlike her full hourss figure.Ilove how she feels in my hands, like her body was made as my personal yground.Whyis she so confused about how enticing she is?
Averyholds out my sports coat and speaks beforeIcan. “You’reup.”
Ican’t help my smug smile. “Itried to sleep.Acall woke me up.Not<i ss="calibre2">your</i>call, which was a little disappointing.”Ilean against the doorframe and she takes a tiny step backward, still holding my jacket out. “Thismight be better, though.”
“I’mcrazy for bothering you thiste, but you forgot your suit jacket.Iwasn’t sure if you’d need it tomorrow.”
Icock an eyebrow. “Forwhat?”
Shesucks in her lips, her cheeks flushing. “Youknow…for like meetings or…meetings.”Shesnorts inughter at herme excuse asItake the jacket from her and toss it behind me.Ithits the floor with a nk, the metal buttons meeting the hard floor.
“What’sup,Avery?Doyou want toe in?”Ihold out my hand, but she doesn’t take it.Sheonly shakes her head and shrugs.
“Thst timeIhad sex outside of a rtionship is whenIwas seventeen.Itwas so awkward,Iwas happy to leave for college and never see him again.”
Inod along, unsure of where this is going. “Okay.”
“I’mnot a hookup kind of girl, so this is new.Everythingis new.IthoughtIwas okay, butIcouldn’t sleep.Tonightwas…”
Iraise my brows fully, feeling my forehead crinkle. “Howwas it?”
“Physically?Spectacr.Byfar the bestI’veever had…Butmy heart feels a little empty right now.IguessIwanted toe by and ask you for more advice.”
“Being?”Iscour her eyes, looking for a clue.<i ss="calibre2">Isshe okay?Isthis too much, too soon?</i>
“Doesit go away?Howmany hookups until sex doesn’t feel so…hollow?”
<i ss="calibre2">Ifyou’d just take my hand ande upstairs, get under the covers with me, let me hold you, you’d know…Itwasn’t just a hookup.</i>“Honestly?”Ilet out a breathy, humorless chuckle. “I’lllet you know.ordingto my research so far, it’s a lot.”
Sherolls her eyes. “Ah, dammit.”
Iwant her toe inside, butIknow ifIclose the space between us, she’ll just back farther away.Ihave to y this carefully.Idon’t even know whatI’mying for.Let’ssayAveryandIgive it a go…we’d be on a timeline.Onesummer to decide if we’re the real deal.That’sa lot of pressure for two people with broken hearts.Avery’swounds are fresh.Mineare older, but they never really healed.
“Isthat what you’re looking for?”
“Hm?” she asks, lifting her eyes to match my intense stare.
“Hookups?Ithought you were a rtionship kind of girl.Areyou wanting to explore your options when you go back toCalifornia?”
Heugh is bitter, mixed with a scoff likeIsaid something ridiculous. “Ijust want to<i ss="calibre2">have</i>options,Finn.”Shepoints to my chest, then to hers. “Weare different.Youwalk into a bar and you see options.Iwalk into a bar and just hopeI’meven seen.It’swhy…”Shetakes another little step backward as her eyes drop once more.
“Whywhat?”<i ss="calibre2">Don’tstop.Talkto me…Juse inside.</i>
“WhyIfell in love withMason.Hewas the first guy to ever really see me.Hewas the only man to ever pick me overPalmer.It’shard to look past her.She’sstunning, obviously—”
“She’sattractive,I’dmit,”Iinterrupt.Averybobs her head, pretending like my statement doesn’t offend her.Howmany times has she been passed over while her best friend gobbled up the attention? “ButIthink you put more stock in that than you should…”
“Huh?”Herface screws up in confusion.<i ss="calibre2">Ah, fuck it.</i>Itake arge step forward through my doorway.Mybare toes nudge against the edge of her flip-flops.
“Realbeauty isn’t loud and demanding.It’ssubtle.”Ituck a loose strand of her rich, dark hair behind her ear. “Menlook past you because you represent what they’re scared of.Palmer’sthe kind of attractive you enjoy for the night.Youhave the kind of beauty you worship for a lifetime.”
Sherolls her eyes and tries to step away, butIgrab her by her shoulders.
“Stopthat,”mand.
Hereyes bulge.Clearly, my tone startles her. “Stopwhat?”
“Newlesson.Youwant your love life to be satisfying, right?”
Shesimply nods in response.
“Thenlearn to take apliment.Stopflinching every timeItell you you’re beautiful.”Hookingmy finger under her chin,Islide my arm around her waist.
“What’reyou doing?” she asks in a whisper.
“Listento me, okay?”Usingmy finger,Imove her chin up and down, forcing her to nod. “Avery, look at me.”
Hereyes lift, but she’s trying to look over my shoulder.I’mnot satisfied.
“<i ss="calibre2">Hey,</i>Imean<i ss="calibre2">really</i>look at me<i ss="calibre2">.</i>”Itry to control my breathing, but my chest tightens when her misty green eyes lock onto mine. “Inoticed<i ss="calibre2">you</i>in the car that day.NotPalmer.You’re<i ss="calibre2">exactly</i>my kind of beautiful.I’mlooking…Isee you.”
Atfirst,Ithink my finger is shaking, but turns outAvery’schin is wobbling. “Okay,” she mumbles.
Shakingmy head,Ilean in a little closer.Mylips are almost touching hers. “IfIwere to tell you you’re<i ss="calibre2">great</i>at your job as a brand consultant, what would you say?”
“Thankyou,” she says without hesitation.
“Why?”Istroke my thumb across her soft, warm cheek, still holding her head up with my finger tucked under her chain.
“BecauseIknow.I’mgreat at my job becauseIwork really hard.Itdoesn’t meanIcan’t get better, butI<i ss="calibre2">know</i>I’mgood.”
“Exactly.SowhenItell you you’re beautiful…”Ipress my lips against hers.It’shardly a kiss.Justa curious, reassuring touch. “Just<i ss="calibre2">know</i>it…say thank you.”
Shefinally smiles, understanding my message.Butmuch to my dismay, she cradles my hand in both of hers before pulling it from her face. “Thankyou,Finn.Thatwas sweet.”Shedrops my hand but doesn’t pull away.
“Whatis it?”Istudy her clouded expression, her eyebrows angled, her thoughts clearly racing.It’sa familiar look andIcan’t quite put my finger on it.
“Maybethat’s what went wrong withMason.Howcould he want me ifIdidn’t want myself?Maybehe would’veplimented me more ifIhad just said<i ss="calibre2">thank you</i>.Ialways used to brush him off and tell him he was only saying things to cate me.”
Isuddenly realizeIrecognize the look on her face.Iused to wear it wheneverNoraandIbroke up.Whenwe weren’t together, butIwas still in love with her.Avery’snot ready.They<i ss="calibre2">just</i>broke up.<i ss="calibre2">WhatwasIthinking?</i>Youdon’t forget four years in a couple of weeks.
“MaybeifIhad talked to him more,”Averycontinues, “it wouldn’t have ended like it did.MaybeIcan learn to talk to men the wayIcan talk to you.”
Itouch my knuckle to my lips and ask the question that’s been burning in my mind since the momentImet her. “Whydo you talk to me like this?Whyare you so at ease?”
Shegives me a guarded smile as she lifts her shoulders. “Becauseyou’re<i ss="calibre2">Vegas</i>.”Sheretreats.Takingonerge step backward, she nearly falls off the concrete step. “Thanksfor talking to me.I’mgoing to get some sleep.Thisweek,I’mgoing to work on some design ideas for your website.Ihaven’t forgotten my end of the deal.I’mgoing to do a really good job for you.We’regoing to make your business soar.”
“Okay.”Iblow out a breath, hoping she hears my reluctance.<i ss="calibre2">Don’tgo.</i><i ss="calibre2">You’realready here.Youwanted to see me…so stay.</i>“SoI’llsee you soon?”
Shenods overenthusiastically. “Yes.I’lltext you.”Sheturns and scuttles down the concrete steps.Icall out to her when she reaches the sidewalk.
“Avery, wait!”
Shehalts in ce and pivots to face me in the doorway.
“YousaidI’m<i ss="calibre2"></i>‘<i ss="calibre2">Vegas</i>.’<i ss="calibre2"></i>Whatthe hell does that mean?”
Sheholds her palms up and shrugs like it’s obvious. “Whathappens inVegas,Finn…”
<i ss="calibre2">Oh.</i>Ihide my annoyance as she waves and heads down the sidewalk.Iwait on the stoop, watching her untilI’msure she’s made it safely intoDex’shouse beforeIgroan in annoyance.
<i ss="calibre2">StaysinVegas.</i>Whathappens inVegas, stays here.<i ss="calibre2">Fuck.</i>That’swhy she’s so willing to be vulnerable and open with me.
Onesummer.That’sall she wants.<i ss="calibre2">Onefucking summer</i>to build up her confidence so she can go running right back to the man who doesn’t see her.