Chapter 45: 29Dear Alex


    “How are you feeling Alex?”


    “I’m fine.” I say.


    I’m driving to Adam, and Rochelle’s in the passenger seat. I feel her gaze on me.


    “I’m worried for Adam.” I say.


    The heater blows loud, I turn it down.


    “Thankfully he’s not too far.” Sheughs to lighten the mood.


    “It’s kind of far. Thanks again, foring though.” I say, she nods as a “your wee”.


    “You know, I’m d you asked me toe. I haven’t seen you in almost two weeks.” She says, and I


    nod.


    “Yeah, things have been crazy.” I say.


    “How’s college prep going?” Rochelle asks.


    “Good.” I lie.


    “How’s Jeff?” She asks.


    “Better.” I say.


    “How’s Hayes?” I ask.


    The car’s quiet again. I turn up the music to bnce things out. It doesn’t take long for us to reach the


    university fraternity houses.


    They’re big, loud, but not abandoned. There are a few people on the frontwn. They wave at us, some


    yell. Without the music, the fra-ternities would look gloom.


    I can hear the music spitting out from each frat. I park at Ad-am’s fraternity house. The bass shakes my


    car.


    Rochelle and I get out and walk up to the front door. There are people everywhere, touching, kissing,


    having fun.


    We walk into the house, there’s warmth everywhere. Everyone’s so close, touching. The bass pulses


    our touching bodies and connects us all. The lights are dim, a dirty green. A group of shirtless guys bolt


    past us, they’re cheering. Everything smells like cheap alcohol; it burns my nose. The music is too loud


    to carry a conversation. I try anyways.


    “Call me if you find Adam.” I say to Rochelle. She nods.


    She shes her bedazzled phone in the air. The dirty green lights bounce off of her phone. She smiles


    through the bass. Then we split up.


    She starts downstairs, secretly following the shirtless guys that passed us not too long ago. I go


    upstairs.


    There are three levels in this fraternity, I’m on the second one now. This level is still packed. The only


    difference is the music, and the light.


    It’s now a dim, dirty purple.


    I scan the room, each time I regret not bringing my camera, or proid.


    Still no sight of Adam.


    Someone hugs me from behind. It feels familiar.


    “Alex.” His voice is heavy. I turn to him.


    It’s DJ guy from Adam’s party. He looks sedated. His hair is greasy, some parts hang over his face. The


    purple light makes his dewy, pale face, look vibrant. The intensity of the purple almost hides the dark


    bags under his eyes, it could pass as eyeliner.


    He keeps a lit cigarette in his mouth, it’s buzzing red. I watch the smoke float around, then disappear in


    the purple light. When I keep staring at him, he blows his cigarette smoke in my face. I nudge him.


    “Do you smoke?” He asks.


    “No!” Iugh.


    He tries to grope me again, I allow it. One of his friends jerks him away from me. He disappears with


    the cigarette smoke.


    “You still owe me a dance Richards!” He shouts. I can’t see him anymore.


    My feet start to move and walk around the second level looking for Adam. I pass lots of doors, most


    locked, some unlocked, and even doors wide open.


    One of the rooms, with the door wide open had a group of col-lege people circling a bed, some


    standing around. They were smoking and inhaling a line on a mirror te. This reminded me of Jeff…


    Adam was standing in the corner of the room, head down. He’s holding a bottle of alcohol half empty.


    I run over and tap him. He slowly turns his head to me, dazed. Adam doesn’t recognize me. I ask him if


    he’s ready to go home, and he nods. At this point I’m freaking out because I’ve never seen him like this


    before. I get him out of the room, now we’re being shoved by danc-ing people on level 2. My arms start


    to give out as I’m pulling his entire weight and my own. We fall into a group of guys.


    I apologize more than once to them, knowing that without the purple light, my face would be beet red.


    “Don’t worry about it.”


    A girl helps me up. I hadn’t noticed until now that it’s Lorene, Adam’s girlfriend.


    She helps me carry Adam to his room, which is on the third level. There are no colorful lights, or loud


    music ying on this level.


    Only now can I see vomit all over Adam’s clothes, and mine. Lorene looks sadder now, still beautiful


    but sad. I feel a little anger to-wards her, seeing Adam in such distraught and knowing Lorene was right


    there and wasn’t helping.


    We reach his door, but it’s locked from the inside. Lorene doesn’t look surprised; she grabs a key from


    her back pocket. My hands are starting to m up from the tension I feel and see on her face. The


    anticipation is starting to worry me.


    “He left his wallet downstairs; can you go and grab it Alex?” She asks.


    I’m even more scared and tensed now, because she’s lying. I can tell.


    “Yeah, sure.” I mumble, wanting to cry.


    As I’m backing away from the door, I hear movement in Ad-am’s room. I look at Lorene for


    confirmation, but she looks down guilty.


    “Be careful.” She mutters. I force a smile and nod at her.


    Everything starts making sense now. I’m crying now. I turn away from Lorene before she can see,


    before she stops me from leaving.


    I run downstairs, looking for Rochelle. While looking for her I open an unlocked door, and I find her


    going down on one of the shirt-less guys from earlier. She stops and gets up rmed.


    “What are you doing?!” I cry.


    “Are you okay? What happened, where’s Adam?!” She asks.


    She was genuinely worried, I haven’t even noticed until now, but she is walking towards me about to


    give me a hug. I push her away before she can touch me.


    “Can we just go?!” I cry.


    “Yeah, where’s Adam?” She asks.


    “With Lorene.” I say.


    “Let’s go get him.” Rochelle insists.


    “He’s noting, so let’s just go!” I shout.


    “Alex, what’s wrong?!” She asks.


    I avoid her question, I wanted to tell her who else was here, but I couldn’t get the words out of my


    mouth. The secrets would spill out too.


    The guy is still sitting on the bed, fixing his pants.


    “Rochelle you don’t even know him.” I state. My words hurt her, but I don’t stop.


    “So, he’s really nice.” She smiles.


    “What’s wrong with you?!?” I scream.


    I run out of the room and m the door behind me. I catch my unsteady breath while leaning against a


    wall and start crying.


    Before I know it, I’m on the second level, looking for Adam’s wallet that doesn’t exist. I was intentionally


    following a lie because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know where to go, and I forgot how to


    breathe.


    I’m standing alone in the middle of the purple level. I liked the feeling of being lost amongst people who


    were lost too. With my eyes closed, the music makes me happy, allows me to image a happier time.


    Someone calls my name.


    I look across the room and see Hayes. Everything inside of me freezes. Everything inside of me throbs,


    it’s hard to breathe again.


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    ~~~~~