Chapter 34: 18Our Parents Were Together


    I wake up before Jeff, gasping for air. I had another nightmare.


    It was of my mother.


    It was her face, her voice, her tears, her cries, and her screams.


    Now awake, I can still see her, when closing my eyes. It’s a cold, burning after-image, that won’t go


    away.


    There was another dream though.


    It was about Hayes.


    This made me feel even worse, because I felt this before. I’m not supposed to feel this.


    I look at the stain on my pants. I feel sticky, and dirty, again. I want to cry for dreaming about Hayes


    that way. I’m crying now.


    But, I make sure to cry far away from Jeff.


    I grab my bag from Rochelle’s room. I see both her and Hayes cuddled together on her bed, they were


    still sleeping. I watch for a while, until it makes me sad.


    Content rights belong to N?velDrama.Org.


    The sun hasn’t risen yet, the air was cold, and the room was blue, quiet, and lonely.


    When I get too sad, I go to the guest bathroom, and turn on the shower.


    The steam clouds the bathroom. It warms me.


    I drop my dirty clothes and stuff them in my bag. I’m gross again, it feels like, I’m a bad person for,


    feeling.


    I am a bad person.


    I get in the shower, and stand around for a while, hugging my-self. I’m too afraid to close my eyes, too


    afraid to see the images of my mother. I’m too ashamed of what I’d dreamt of Hayes,st night.


    I’m too sad to stand in the shower, I squat, when I want to cry.


    I’m crying now.


    I cry for a while, letting the water wash away the tears. When the shower’s over, I want the thoughts to


    be over, too.


    I want to hide this from everyone, even Rochelle. I’m going to cre-ate another secret and lie, to cover, a


    darker one.


    I get out of the shower, but the sadness doesn’t go away.


    I wrap myself in a towel and look for clothes. Each drawer I open in this bedroom, squeaks. Each


    squeak meant the drawer was empty.


    There’s a mirror in front of me. I look at it, scrunching my hair. The pit in my stomach starts toe


    back. The air starts to fade.


    It was too quiet, the room was too green and dark, I was too much in my thoughts.


    I m the drawers, when I can’t find anything. I didn’t want to go back into Rochelle’s room. It hurt too


    much. I hate that I felt this.


    I bite my lip and try to calm this panic I felt.


    “Alex.” Hayes walks into the room.


    “Are you okay?” He asks.


    I cover my face and shake my head. Hayes tries to hug me, but I push away.


    I give him a hug, once the tears start to fall.


    “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I cry.


    “It’s okay Alex.” He says.


    As I’m hugging Hayes, the water drips from my hair, onto Hayes’s shirt, then disappear onto the white


    carpet. This calms me.


    He rubs my back, I feel his warmth through the towel. I get chills from the memories. I let go of him and


    wipe my face.


    “I have to change.” I stutter.


    I grab my bag and leave him there. I go to Rochelle’s room and grab clothes to wear. She’s still asleep.


    I’m wearing a hoodie, and sweats now. I changed in the washroom downstairs. I was too afraid to see


    Hayes again.


    I watch movies andy by Jeff’s side, ying in his hair, until he wakes up.