Chapter 30


    James took the diaries from my bedroom. He said I can''t read them anymore. He put them in the library


    and locked the door and moved the shelf in front of it and told me to stay away. He said he was going


    to call the doctor but I begged him not to. I told him that if he did, I would leave. I was emotional at the


    Ccontent ? exclusive by N?/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.


    time.


    I still have my books and my music and my mother, and I talk to her every night now. I don''t care about


    our disagreements anymore. She doesn''t know about what I did, though. If she did, she would drag me


    back home.


    I eat all of my meals with James or Gail and Theresa. I assume he told them so they can keep an eye


    on me. I shower with the door open and one of them sits in my bedroom as I do so. If I want to shave,


    they fetch a razor. One of them is always in the kitchen. They don''t talk about sad things anymore, only


    positive things. I want them to stop.


    James spends more time with me now, and his father hasn''t left. James told his father about me and


    didn''t tell me how he reacted. His father helps with the pack a bit, working while James is with me. I


    feel like I''m holding him back. I feel guilty, but I do enjoy spending time with him. It''s the only good thing


    "Good morning," I hear him mumble as he shifts and rolls over, facing me. I''m always awake before


    him.


    The sun is just beginning to rise and the walls are coated in warmth. His hair is messy and Ib


    through it with my fingers. "Good morning."


    "How are you feeling today?"


    "Better," I tell him honestly. "Ever since I stopped reading the diaries I''ve been feeling better."


    "Good," he says, moving to get up, but I grab onto him.


    "Not yet. I like these moments."


    James settles back down. "Well, we can talk about my fathering for dinner then. He wants to meet


    you."


    "What? He wants to meet me? I thought he was upset when he found out about me?"


    "He was at first, but I think he''s warming up to the idea. I think it''s a good sign. Maybe he''s changed,"


    James says. "But until I know for sure, I''m going to be cautious. I don''t want him around you if he''s


    going to snap."


    "Snap?" I question.


    James shrugs it off. "Don''t worry about it. I don''t want you worrying about anything, okay?"


    I nod and settle back down. "So he''sing tonight then?"


    "If it''s alright with you."


    "I mean, of course. I want to meet him, too," I say, curious about this man who holds such an unclear


    reputation. I''ll have to see for myself.


    Later in the day, when James has left the house, I find myself in my bedroom alone,ying on my bed.


    Since that night, I''ve been trying to understand myself, trying to figure out how my mind went in the


    wrong direction so quickly. Maybe it was the diaries. Julianna''s thoughts must have gotten to me.


    Reading so much of that and rekindling an old fear wasn''t a good mix. That version of myself, that girl


    in the bathtub scares me. It was the darkest ce I''ve ever been, and yet I can''t figure out how it


    happened in only a sh.


    When I was younger my episodessted weeks at a time. Just when I was back home, my head wasn''t


    in a good ce, it was a steady descent down. But this time it was different. I was at a peak, I was the


    all-powerful Luna, the girl they wanted to be, the girl whoughs and kisses boys, I was willing to go


    there with James, then it was a free-fall down. I was pushed off a cliff and drowned in the depths of the


    ocean. There was no steady descent. I''m scared of falling off again. I don''t know what will happen if


    there''s a next time.


    I told myself that I wasn''t like his mother, and I know I''m not. I know it.


    Her diary is toxic. There was a difference between sad Rae when James was cold to me and sad Rae


    when I sat in the bathtub. I know the first one, I''ve been here many times in my life, but I don''t know the


    second one. She''s a stranger to me. She''s a different form of depression that didn''t feel like my own.


    I sound like Julianna, ming my problems on something that''s not really here, but it makes sense to


    me. If I immerse myself in the mind of a sick person, I will be sick, too.


    Later in the night, anticipating James'' Father''s arrival, I sit on my bathroom counter while brushing my


    hair, my back against the mirror. Theresa forgot to take the razor away from me after my shower, so I


    gave it back to her. She smiled and hugged me as if I had taken some big step to health. Either way, it


    felt nice to be hugged.


    James should be getting back any minute now to get ready for dinner, and I''m excited to see him. I


    wish our bond hasn''t strengthened because my plummet off of the cliff, but I feel close to him. My mind


    hasn''t changed about being with him in a very intimate way, but I haven''t brought it up. I don''t know


    how tempting I am while being treated like a mental patient. If I asked I may be turned down again, and


    that only makes me angry. He should be asking me. He said he needs me, and I assume in many


    different ways, and I know one of them is that way. I''m his mate, of course he wants to be with me, but


    he doesn''t act like it. I know it''s because he thinks I''m in a fragile state, so I''m not going to push it.


    I don''t feel fragile. I feel fine. I want to tell him that, but I don''t think he''d believe me. After trusting that


    I''d never do such a thing, I don''t expect him to.


    Running the brush through my hair, I cross my legs and sigh. I shall forever be the unmated Luna.


    Sliding off of the counter, I leave the bathroom and turn to my closet, needing to get dressed. Taking off


    the robe, I put on underwear and search for something dinner-like. I''ve never had much luck with


    dressing for dinner, and I don''t want to wear pajamas when meeting his father, so I take the time to look


    without getting overwhelmed.


    While I''m trying a few things on, Jameses in and I walk out of the closet to greet him as he sits


    down. He sits on the bed and falls back, looking tired. "Was it a rough day?" I ask, climbing up on the


    bed. I scoot in the way and he lifts his head up, resting it on myp. He closes his eyes.


    "It wasn''t that bad."


    "So you just missed me, then."


    He peers up at me. "Is it that obvious?"


    "Yes," I y along, not really knowing if he missed me. "Are you going to get ready?"


    "I would rather stay here," he says, rxing as I y with his hair.


    We stay like this for a little while, forgetting about dinner and dressing ourselves and making a good


    impression. I lean against the headboard and look ahead, taking my eyes off of him as he continues to


    rest in myp. "I really am feeling better," I say and he shifts.


    "I know, you told me this morning. I''m d you are."


    My hands stop moving. "But I really am. I just don''t want you to worry about me so much. Now that I''ve


    stopped reading the diaries, I feel like myself again and I don''t need people watching me. I don''t need


    to be babied."


    James sits up, turning around to face me. "Rae, it''s only been a week since that night."


    "And I''m already back to normal, that should be a good thing."


    He sighs. "What you did—It''s not like a cold that goes away in a few days. I said I wouldn''t call the


    doctor, so please don''t try to rush things. You''re feeling better, that''s all that matters."


    "Fine," I murmur and get off the bed, submerging myself back into the closet. "He''ll probably be here


    any minute, so go get ready."


    James leans into the closet before leaving, watching as I shuffle through things. "You know I''m only


    doing this because I care about you, Rae."


    "I know."


    I pull on a nice pair of pants and a cozy, weing sweater, something my mother might wear, before


    heading downstairs to help set the table. Gail and Theresa smile and chat as I carry tes and


    silverware into the dining room, setting everything at the three spots. James at the head of the table,


    me to the right, and his father to the left, if everything goes as nned in my head. I bring a ss


    pitcher of water and three sses out to the table as Jameses down. My eyes follow him as he


    nears the foyer, water pouring sloppily. I quickly wipe it up as I hear the door open, a new voice hardly


    reaching my ears.


    Gailes in and takes over, telling me to go and introduce myself. I stall for a moment, straightening


    a fork or two and bringing the dish towel used to wipe up stray drops of water back into the kitchen.


    Theresa takes it and leads me out of the kitchen, abandoning me in the hallway. I can see glimpses of


    them at the very end. James'' father''s scent is simr to his, and I wonder if that''s an Alpha thing.


    As they drift into the house, I have no other choice but to walk forward into the unknown. The two head


    down the hall ande to me like a stop sign. James smiles when he sees me and his father studies


    me while I do the same. It is a brief moment, but their simrities creep up my arms and grab me.


    His father looks like he could be a brother, only older. They have the same nose, and eyes, and jaw,


    and the more I look, the more I feel like I''m looking into the future. Though their eyes are simr,


    something about his fathers makes me squeamish, like arge needle nearing my arm.


    "Father, this is Rae East, my mate," James says, but I''m too engrossed in the weird feelings to act in


    the moment.


    His father holds out his hand.


    "Hello, Rae."