Chapter 12


    In the morning, Alpha Grant is gone, so I leave my bedroom and head to the kitchen for breakfast. Gail


    N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.


    and Theresa are there, and I sit with them at the small table. Gail had already whipped something up,


    and she sets the te in front of me only two seconds after I take a seat. "What is Alpha Grant''s first


    name?" I ask and they both give me odd looks.


    "You don''t know?" Theresa asks.


    "He hasn''t told me."


    "It''s James, after his father," Gail says.


    I nod. How perfect. "How long have you two been at the pack house?"


    "I''ve been for five years, and Theresa has been here forever."


    Theresa smiles. "I''ve been since James was a young one."


    Curiosity gets the best of me, and I can''t help but ask, "What was James like as a child?" It feels odd to


    call Alpha Grant, James. It feels as if I am ying Julianna and him, his father.


    "He was quiet. Never had a sibling. Sadly his mother passed away before she had another, yet I don''t


    know if it was in the books for the two. He observed a lot. He would observe people very closely, yet


    hardly ever spoke a word. Odd child, but he grew up eventually. They all do," Theresa shares. "He''s


    be a good Alpha, that''s for sure. He''s taken after his father. Both strong leaders."


    I nod again.


    She has stoppeding by at night ever since I had told her to leave that one time. I wonder if she''d


    gone to James about it, but if she had I''d never know anyway. I''m d she''s gone. It helps me sleep.


    My trips to the liquor cab and into the woods seem to be over, due to that.


    I''ve spoken to my mother and she continues to press me about visiting, but I continue to tell her that I


    am simply too busy learning about Luna duties. She tells me about the pack and how things are going


    well. She says that she can bring more of my things from the house when she visits, and I sigh. I wish


    she could visit. I''ve missed her.


    After James kissed me and after I sat in the shower, Iid in bed until my body gave up and dozed off.


    It took too long, and when I managed to fall asleep it didn''tst. I was woken by noisesing from


    down the hall—nothing sexual—so I peeked out my door, spying through the crack. I saw James


    leaving his bedroom and going downstairs to do who knows what. I heard the front door open, then I


    knew he went outside somewhere. It was two in the morning, so I thought there had been a pack issue.


    I have so many things to ask him, yet I know he won''t answer one. I don''t know what to think after he


    kissed me. I don''t know what''s going on in his head. He is like a closed book with no words—I couldn''t


    read him if I tried, though I do wonder if he watches me, if he observes me. I wonder what he has


    learned from that.


    * * *


    I have to leave. I know I have to leave. It will hurt. I will want toe back just to see his face again,


    but I can''t. I can nevere back here. I have to fight myself—like quitting a drug. No matter how


    much I want it, I can never return. I can never have him.


    When Jameses homete at night, I sneak from my bed and begin to gather my things. I will have


    to leave my books and music behind, but that is the least of my worries. Last time I was lucky, no


    rogues came on my path, but I am not so sure this time. Getting past the borders is difficult enough,


    and I am no fighter. When the guard mentioned that I wouldn''tst a night out there... Is it really worth


    it? Is this worth dying over? No. I don''t want to die in the middle of the woods and rot until someone


    stumbles upon my decaying body.


    Maybe the rogues aren''t violent. Maybe I am overreacting, but with James leaving in the middle of the


    night and Will constantlying with issues, I can''t help but think there has been an influx of rogues in


    the area. That guard was smart enough to warn me, too. Maybe I should stay.


    I drop my things and sit down on my bed, not sure what to do. Where would I even go? Back to that


    town? Back to my pack? I''m not sure how to get back there. I''ll die in the forest alone, by rogues or by


    goddess knows what lurks in there. I can''t defend myself like that, I''ve never had to survive on my own.


    There are too many things pushing against me. Leaving alone is no longer an option, but what if I get


    help. That guard, Theodore, maybe he can help me. He said himself that he doesn''t care for Alpha


    Grant either.


    I don''t know where to find him, and I shouldn''t do anything drastic now.


    Maybe a guard at the borders can help me. Maybe if I find just one who understands they''ll tell me if it''s


    safe out there or not. Knowing is better than not knowing.


    I should ask now before James wakes up and before Theresa and Gaile in the morning. I''m given


    the most time at night. The guards do not know that I am their Alphas Mate, so worstes to worst


    they''ll tell me to back off and I will. I have to prepare myself. This is smart, I know it is. I''m going to do


    something good for myself, and once I''m done I''lle back here and make my decision whether it''s


    safe to leave at this time or if I should wait a month or two. This is smart. This is good.


    The midnight air steals away the heat from my face, sharp against my cheeks as I feel the tip of my


    nose growing numb. I should have grabbed a coat, but I don''t expect to be out here for long. It''s just a


    simple question. Has there been an influx of rogues? Could you tell me?


    I join the trees and once I get close, I call out to warn them of my presence. "Excuse me? Is anyone


    over here?" I walk farther and watch my feet, making sure I don''t fall. "Hello? Are there any guards?"


    Then I hear the wonderful, familiar calling, "You''re too close to the borders. Go back."


    I follow the voice blindly. "Actually, I''m looking for a guard to help me. I''ve been wondering about the


    rogues in the areately and—"


    A man suddenly appears. "I''m sorry, but you have to go back. The borders are not safe."


    "Not safe? Because of the rogues? Or just because you want me to leave?"


    His eyes look off into the distance, into the deep forest as if he is watching for someone. "Go back.


    Now. This is an order."


    I nod. "Okay. I''m going."


    This was rushed, I feel it. I can''t just panic for a moment ande running to the borders like I have


    everything all figured out. It''s the kiss—I can''t stop thinking about it, about the way it felt, about how he


    grabbed me and made me feel so good in just a sh. He''s dangerous. A man who hurts me then


    pleases me so easily is dangerous.


    A guard calling in the distance makes me nce back over my shoulder, but I cannot decipher what he


    said.  Ipletely turn around and contemte going back, but a sudden, deep growling sound from


    behind me causes my entire being to stop.


    My eyes stare down at a protruding tree root as I attempt to grasp what could be behind me. Then


    there''s another throaty, beast-like noise and my body squeezes into itself. I feel the need to scream, but


    my throat swells closed. Like a rabbit hunted by a wolf, I slowly turn back around, hardly feeling the


    beating of my heart anymore. I see a dark thing. I smell blood, the iron stench that everyone knows. My


    eyes focus as the dark thing bes arge wolf standing only meters in front of me. Immediately, my


    mind goes to the frightening void that is death.


    The beast lurks forward and with each step it takes, I stumble back. My eyes switch rapidly from the


    wolf to the body-like thing behind him to the dimming trees, begging internally that someone appears.


    The wolf is toorge. It''s too strong. Shifted or not, it will kill me. I have never nned on fighting for my


    life, and now I wish that I would have at least thought of what I would do in such a scenario from time to


    time. "Please," I whisper, "don''t." Adrenaline pulsates through me and I think about running.


    Before I can make a decision, a brown thing pounces at the dark thing, and I hurry back as they blend


    together, tumbling and snapping. I begin to run towards the house until my eye catches another dark


    coated thing lingering in the brush. Running in a different direction, feeling surrounded, I stumble upon


    a dead thing and feel my stomach bubbling up. Without time to process that there is a dead wolf lying


    at my feet, another nearby growling jumps at me.


    I shut my mouth and peer up at the Moon, then I lift half of the lifeless wolf and crawl underneath it,


    pushing myself until most of my body is covered. Believing that the overpowering smell of rogue and


    blood will cover my scent, I stay put, feeling the blood of the creature soaking into my clothes, into my


    skin, and washing through my hair. I didn''t notice how much blood had poured from him until it drips


    down over my sealed lips. Between a dead beast and dirt, I can''t help but sob softly to myself.


    I hear things all around me, and I do not know if they are guards, rogues, or something else. After a few


    minutes, I watch as a light colored wolf moves past me, it''s paws only feet from my hidden face.


    This is how it is for me, right? No matter what I do, the result is never in my favor. Nothing can go right.


    The Moon Goddess hates me, I know that now, I really know it.


    The weight of the wolf makes it hard to breathe, but I stay lodged underneath it until the noises lessen


    to hardly anything. My eyes open and close and open and close, and I cannot tell if I am falling asleep


    or dying. The night air taunts me with its freshness as the stench of flesh fogs my mind. I am not cold,


    though. The body on top of me and its warmed blood wraps around me like a shallow bath. I begin to


    dream of my shower.


    After what seems like hours, the blood has cooled, and I grow restless. Thankfully, non-threatening


    sounds grow close and three guards appear in the trees, heading towards the body, likelying to


    collect and rid of it. I feel a need tough and cry at the same time. "I''m here," I shout, "I''m under it!"


    They speed up, looking confused until they notice my feet and hand sticking out, my hand waving to


    grab their attention. "Are you injured?" One asks, the tallest of the three.


    "No, just, just get me out! Get it off, please!"


    Two men roll the beast off of me as the other helps me up. My legs are numb along with my behind,


    and they shake and wobble like a child learning to walk. I use the guard to stable myself. "Why were


    you underneath a rogue? Did it fall on you?"


    I re up at the tall one who seems to be in charge. "What the hell happened? Why were there rogues


    over the border! I hid underneath it so I wouldn''t die! Goddess, how long have I been under there?"


    "There was an incident at one of the posts. Arge group of rogues came out of nowhere, some got in,"


    he exins, finally, someone giving me a taste of information. "It took a few hours to secure the area


    and the post. I''m assuming you were trapped for longer than needed. We''ve been disposing of bodies


    for a while. We burn them, it takes time."


    Still gripping onto one of the other two, I look up at him, no longer wanting information. My clothes reek


    of guts, my skin is thered in a rogues blood, and if I do not get into a shower in two minutes I may


    just lose it. "Alright. I''m fine from here," I tell them, letting go of the guard''s arm and straying towards


    the pack house.


    "You were under a dead rogue for hours," the leader calls to me, though I haven''t made it far, "we


    should see you home, call a doctor."


    I look back, exhausted. "I''m Alpha Grant''s Mate. I''m sure the house workers will help me."


    Before I turn back around, walking slowly to the house, I catch a glimpse of the leaders face. From


    what I saw, the man looked ill.