Chapter 9


    The mate bond is his name tattooed on my heart, never toe off, to be reced or ignored. It''s his


    face and body constantly floating through my mind because I ache for him, not able to control my


    wandering thoughts. The mate bond is a curse cast upon me the moment I saw him, and it was cast


    upon him, as well. Theodore''s words linger in my head as he drops me off at the house—my excuse


    being pressed into me—and I can''t help but hope. He may act like he doesn''t care for you, but he can''t


    control it.


    Alpha Grant can''t control the mate bond, like me. He may be an Alpha, but he is no God. Even if he


    acts like he doesn''t think once about me or care how I am doing, he can''t control it, he can''t help it. He


    must think about me just as I think about him. It''s in the bond, my name is tattooed on his heart


    whether he likes it or not. But this is where I could get my hopes up.


    I make my way up the porch steps and through the door, not expecting even a ''wee home'', but I


    am wrong. When I have the door open hardy an inch, I smell him, that intoxicating cologne that seeps


    into my skin and toys with my emotions. I pause, but I know it is toote to run off, he''s there, he''s seen


    the door open, he knows I''m on the other side. Before I can force myself to push the door open the rest


    of the way, jumping off the bridge, a force swings it open, almost taking me with it. He''s impatient.


    I peer up and find him standing in front of me like a statue of a king, his hypnotic eyes staring down at


    me like a roadblock on his pathway to happiness. I shrink under his gaze, already feeling myck of


    speeching on again.


    "Where did you go?" He asks, his voice firm and unforgiving.


    I look up at him with big eyes, gazing like a deer in headlights, waiting to be hit. "I-I. . ." Speak, Rae.


    Speak! "I was on the, uh, other side of the pack."


    He must think that I think he''s stupid because he gives me a look that says ''I know you''re lying.'' The


    mate bond inside of me tugs and my throat runs dry. "I''ll ask again," Alpha Grant says, "where were


    you today?"


    I peer down, confused, and before I can stop myself the words are spilling out, "Why ask when you


    don''t really care to know?" And while I''m brave I blurt, "I want to go home." He says nothing before


    moving back, letting me enter, but I am not sure if he truly wants me to. I walk inside, hesitant, and I


    turn to face him again. "I''m dying here, and the worst part is that you know I am and you''re letting me."


    A breath escapes him. "You''re dramatic."


    I suck in a breath. "You''re cruel. So cruel. I went across the borders, that''s where I was all day." And


    with that, I head for the stairs and storm to my bedroom like a child. Once inside, I m the door and


    fall back against it, fighting the urge to pound my fists against it. Needing an escape, I go to grab my


    iPod off of the bedside table, only it isn''t there, then I turn to the shelf, and my books are gone. I panic


    and see that the phone I took from the living room is missing as well.


    I run out of my room into the hall, my eyes shooting down the stairs to see him standing at the bottom


    with his arms crossed. "What did you do," I ask carefully.


    "Don''t ever go near the borders again," he says before walking off towards the kitchen.


    I fly down the steps yelling, "What did you do with my things! What did you do!" I grab his arm, causing


    him to turn back to me, and if I wasn''t in a rage of fury, I would gush about the sensations the


    connection gave. "You can''t take my stuff. Give me my stuff."


    He pulls away from my weak hold. "Who do you think you are?"


    I have nothing left to lose. "I am nothing. You''ve made me nothing, I get it, okay? But the music and my


    books, my mom, it''s all I have."


    "It looks like you have nothing, then."


    I clench my jaw and fight back the tears. People with nothing are dangerous. They are willing to go the


    extra mile. I move past him into the kitchen to find Gail washing vegetables, she smiles at me and says


    ''hello, Rae'' but I am on a mission. I can feel his eyes on me as I slide open drawers, then I take out the


    biggest knife I see. Gail stops. "Rae, what are you doing with that. Here, give me that before you hurt


    yourself." But his eyes stay fixated on me.


    "Give me my things," I say calmly, but he only looks amused.


    "What are you going to do?" He asks, ying along. "Kill me?"


    A shortugh escapes me. "No," then I lift the knife to my neck, "now give me my things."


    "Rae," Gail shouts, "put that down!"


    Alpha Grant looks amused. "You''re going to kill yourself over some books?"


    If I have one thing left, it''s this curse of a bond, so I might as well prove to him that he can''t ignore it. So


    I press the de against my skin. "Maybe."


    He sighs, so I pull it across my skin a tad, the skin of my neck tugging with it. "Gail, take it from her."


    Gail moves towards me, but I step back, pressing harder. "If you want me to stop, then you''ll have to


    take it yourself." She pauses and looks at him, and he doesn''t look amused any longer. I press harder.


    "This is ridiculous. Put down the knife."


    "Yes," Gail joins him, "put down the knife, dear."


    I repeat, "If you want me to stop, then you''ll have to take it yourself."


    Alpha Grant strides towards me and grips the knife, his fingers brushing against my neck. He takes it


    from me and sets it down beside me on the counter, and as he''s leaned forward he says, "you''re not


    getting a thing back."


    I watch him intensely as he nces to Gail then turns to the door. I stare at his back before he


    vanishes into the house, swallowed by its hidden hallways and shelved-off rooms. Gail turns to me.


    "Now what was that about! Don''t you do that again!"


    "Sorry," I say, a fire ignited inside of me, feeding off of his reaction. As much as he wants to feel nothing


    for me, he can''t help it, I know that now. I know that.


    Later in the night, I find myself sitting on the stairs at exactly the time Alpha Grant is in his bedroom—


    hidden away over a boundary I don''t dare to cross—and exactly the time shees for her over-night


    visit. I believe that he thinks I''ve lost my mind, so I might as well lose it.


    I thought about grabbing a bottle from the odd cab to amuse myself while I wait, but I thought it best


    if I''m not drunk while this happens. I need her to be afraid of me and no one is afraid of a crying loser.


    When I hear the front door open, I straighten up. As expected, shees sneaking across the foyer


    and towards the stairs. When she appears in front of me, I suck in a breath and puff up my chest, ready


    to wave my arms around as if I''m scaring off a bear. She stops abruptly and stares down at me, waiting


    for my response. "Leave," I say strongly, "go home."


    An eyebrow raises on her beautiful face.


    I stand up. "Your brother, Theodore, wants you to stoping here at night," partly him and mostly me,


    "so you better go home. People with nothing are dangerous." I smile sweetly.


    She looks ufortable, and she speaks. "Only Alpha Grant can tell me what to do." Her voice is soft,


    soothing almost, like a baby animal—too young to know what''s good, like me.


    "Alpha Grant is my Mate. Now go."


    Her face drops, her once wless features now overcast by disappointment. She looks down, saying


    nothing, and she turns back to the door, and just before it closes I swear that I hear a quiet sob. I


    swallow, locking the door. Theodore said she would be hurt, wee to the party.


    My eyes peer up to the stairs, paranoid that Alpha Grant may be watching me, but there is no one


    there. Was that too easy? She''ll approach him about it, I know that. I have nothing to lose. I have


    nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose.


    In my bedroom, I sit down, frustrated that I can''t listen to music. The shelf is empty but I see something


    wonderful, the diary, it''s still there. He didn''t take it. I grab it, feeling it with my fingers to make sure it is


    real, flipping through pages fast enough to fan myself. Her words are there, months of entries. My


    entertainment for now. I change my clothes first, gettingfortable, not able to find my purple pajama


    shirt from my mother, only the bottoms.


    Once in bed, I turn to the next entry.


    September 26th, 1991


    I tried to interest him today. I wore my nice pajamas and walked out of the bathroom when I heard him


    nice, I looked lovable, but of course, he didn''t want to love me. He didn''t say a word, not one. Not even


    goodnight.


    I am in the bathroom now with the door locked, writing this because I cannot sleep. I don''t know what to


    do. I could hardly sleep muchst night either. I help the maids cook, but I hardly feel like eating. I feel


    empty inside. The only thing I have to look forward to is my visit back home in two weeks. I''ll see my


    mother and father, even little John.


    I found out that Alpha Grant''s first name is James. One of the maids told me and it made me feel


    better. I like knowing things about him, and I''m sure he would have never told me himself. I was mated


    to a man whose first name I didn''t know. It sounds sad when I read it back. I feel sad. I speak with my


    mother over the phone and at first, I was telling her about his distancing, but now I can''t help but tell


    her things are getting better. She''s happy for me. It doesn''t make me feel better, though. It''s all lies. I


    have resorted to lying.


    I''ll go andy in bed again. The only time I can touch him is when he''s asleep, and I''ll stroke his cheek


    or press my hand to his if I can. I''m always scared that he''ll wake, but I need a connection, I need


    something.