AXEL
It hurts.
…
Goddamn it, it fucking hurts.
<b>61 </b>
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I hadn’t been ready for the pain I felt when I saw her. I wasn’t prepared. It hurts so much and there’s nothing I wanted to do more than keep her locked up and take out all my frustration and anger between her legs, but now I have gone soft, and I’m not sure I would be able to get it up again.
I just wanted her to ease my doubt and uncertainty. I wanted her to take away these six months of torture.
But all she did was<b>… </b>cry, her body shaking uncontrobly beneath.
“Stop crying,” I whispered, kissing the back of her neck gently. “It hurts enough as it is. So why add to that pain with your tears?”
But it was like I said something wrong and her sobs only increased. I groaned, flipping our position so she was lying on top of me, her head on my chest. I cradled her head gently, kissing her hair over and over.
It hurts–yeah, it fucking does—but her pain hurts more than mine. What I was feeling right now didn’t matter if she was in so much pain.
I didn’t mean to make her feel what she was feeling right now; I just wanted my doubts to be cleared.
“Shh,” I cooed softly, still kissing her hair. “Shh, baby. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”
She muttered something, but it just sounded like gibberish, her sobs covering the words. She continued anyway, her mouth moving fast, her words interrupted by hups.
“Hey, hey. I can’t hear a word you’re saying. Slow down, and take your time to calm down. I’m here. I’m never leaving. Never again. So take your time and calm down. I’ll still be here to listen.”
She nodded slowly, rubbing her face on my chest, and a knot loosened in my chest.
She was here, right here in my arms, and this wasn’t some bittersweet dream.
“You’re here,” I muttered, still kissing her hair, trying to convince this was reality and I wasn’t asleep. “You’re right here. In my arms.”
She nodded since she couldn’t use her words, her arms tightening around me.
I buried my nose into her hair, inhaling deeply, my eyes burning.
Yes, she was real. She was really here, in my arms.
I finally found her.
<b>9:18 </b>Mon<b>, </b><b>Sep </b>15 <b>d </b>
<b>61 </b>
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I released a breath that I was holding for six months, that knot in my chest that made it hard to breathe finally loosening, and I could draw air into my lungs easily.
“You’re here,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.
My arms never loosened from her and her sobs finally stopped, her shaking subsiding. I wanted to hear what she wanted to say, I really wanted to, but my eyes became too heavy to keep open, and slowly, I closed them, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
<b>*** </b>
I woke up to the feeling of being watched, eyes burning into my face hard enough to reach me in sleend.
Her beautiful eyes came into view, soft and gentle on me, but hot.
“I never knew you could wake someone up by staring at them so intensely,” I muttered, my voice rough from sleep.
She smiled softly and something tugged in my chest. Her eyes were swollen and red, and my hand reached out, caressing the under of her eyes. She leaned into my touch, rubbing her face on my palm.
<b>“</b>You cried a lot,” I whispered forck of a better thing to say.
She closed her eyes, still rubbing her face on my palm. “I did. My eyes burned so much.”
“I’m sorry.”
She opened her eyes, fixing them on mine. “For what?”
My jaw tightened. “For making you cry. It was never my intention. I just… I just needed something, anything to ease that suffocating pain I was feeling.”
She stared at me, then her bottom lip started trembling, a silver of year forming in her eyes.
“Rosette-”
“Why are you sorry?” she asked, her voice shaking. “Why are you apologizing when I’m the one in the wrong?”
Before I could answer, she got on top of me<b>, </b>straddling me with her legs on both sides of my hips, her hands on my chest,
She said nothing at first, just looked at me, her eyes moving all over my body.
“You’ve lost weight,” she whispered, her voice tight.
<b>“</b>I could barely eat and sleep.”
She bit her bottom lip, and I reached out, touching her lips softly and she stopped.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on mine. “I’m so sorry, Axel. I was such a damn fool.”
…
<b>9:18 </b><b>Mon</b><b>, </b><b>Sep </b>15 ..
“You were.”
:
<b>61 </b>
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She scoffed, her eyes <b>soft</b>. “Yeah, I am. I thought I was doing it for you. I thought that by leaving, you could have a future, a better and easier life. Ss threatened to cut off all you have and said he would make sure you remained jobless. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want you to resent meter, and so I left.”
<b>I </b>said nothing, just let her speak, but what I wanted to say was, “You foolish, beautiful woman. How could I ever resent you? All the bones and cells in my body are vibrating from my love for you. There’s not a part of me that could hate you.”
But I didn’t say any of that and she continued speaking.
“The six months have been the worst of my life,” she went on, her eyes watering and a single tear slipping out. “It was painful. I was miserable. And it didn’t feel like I was doing the right thing.”
She paused, just looking into my eyes, no more tears falling.
“I love you, Axel.” I inhaled deeply, a lump lodging in my throat. “I can’t even begin to describe my love for you, the depth of it, how much it’s overflowing. It’s overwhelming and I want it to suffocate me. I love you so much that I did something so stupid. But never again. I promise. Never again, Axel.”
“Kiss me,” was all I could say. “Please.”
And she did, leaning down, her lips molding softly against mine, pouring all her love into the kiss. I held her hips with my trembling hands, my chest so damn tight.
“Let’s live on our terms, Rosette,” I said when she broke the kiss<b>, </b>caressing her face, my forehead resting on hers. “Let’s forget all about the outside house and its endless responsibilities. I’m giving everything up. I’m leaving the States and I’m never returning. I’m going to stay with you in London, and we’re going to live on our terms, sweetheart. Nobody would ever try toe between us again or meddle between us again. Yeah?”
She nodded, kissing me again, her lips trembling.
“Are you really okay with losing everything?” she asked softly.
I wrapped my arms around her, pressing her to my chest. “I’m not actually stupid, you know. I knew one way or another, this would happen, so I have cash stashed. In three different ounts that Ss knows nothing about. I don’t need him or his heritage. The money in those ounts is enough to make us livefortably for years.”
She kissed my chest, nodding to herself. “I love you, Axel.”
My heart skipped a beat. Why did I ever doubt her? She didn’t deserve that.
“I love you, too, Rosette,”
<b>9:18 </b><b>Mon</b><b>, </b><b>Sep </b><b>15 </b>