Lydia


    Where was thating from? One minute, he was talking about going away, and the next, it was about his feelings for me.


    It didn’t need to make sense.


    It was hard not to pull my hand from under his. Yes, I know about how he felt for me; he’d said that multiple times, and I’ve


    also made him understand that I do not see him that way.


    “Are you perhaps leaving because of me?” I asked, unable to stomach the thought that I might be the biggest factor in this


    decision.


    He shook his head and squeezed my hands before trailing his thumb across mine. “You are not. Just like I said before, this is all me, and it has nothing to do with you or anyone else,” he said in his usual voice, but calmer this time, more steady.


    “Lindeed came to this ce because of you, and I have been trying to win your heart.” he lifted his eyes to mine, then


    moved them away and drew in a slow breath before he continued.


    “It is also true that I fell in love with your children and think of them as mine. I may be leaving, and they may not be my real children, and they have found their biological father… but in my heart, they will always be mine.” He spoke quickly,


    and then the pace changed again, “Okay?”


    I didn’t know where this was heading. He was leaving, and now he was confessing his feelings for me all over again. Where was this going? I pressed my lips together to keep myself from speaking when I saw that he was about to continue.


    “Mason is a good guy. He’s not as evil as I thought. After speaking with Zoe, I realised that whatever happened between you and him was a big misunderstanding.


    “As much as I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, I do not want to be the division that keeps you from who you want to be with. I am not stupid. Anytime you look at him, I know you want him as much as he wants you. And I am not going to stand between the two of you.”


    “It is because of this that-” he let go of my hands and leaned back into his chair. Warm glow cascaded from the ceiling, and for the first time since I had known him, his eyes, always bright, were trying to hold back tears. His gaze was raw; this look came from holding back for a long time.


    It is because of this that I am letting you go… or more correctly, I am letting myself be free.” Each word was calmer than


    the other.


    4 swallowed, my chest tightening as I watched him speak. I never thought Marcus’s love for me was this serious, I’d always thought his feelings were just something that would pass with time, but it seems I have never been more wrong.


    “<i>I’m </i>sorry I murmured, my heart crashing against my chest. Which pain is worse, the pain of loving someone, or the pain of being loved by someone you can’t love back?


    He shook his head. “No, no. You do not have to be. It’s not something you have to be sorry for. What I feel for you, is all me. And even if it didn’t work out the way I wanted, I do not regret giving you my heart”


    He held my eyes and smiled slightly, “Lydia, you are a good woman, and although I have decided to step back, it doesn’t


    09:35 Sat, 30 Aug


    mean I’ve stopped loving you. If it doesn’t work out with Mason, if he as much as treats you badly, if you go back to him and realise it’s not what you want, always remember this: I will always be there. You will always have a home with me.”


    Tears pricked my eyes. Aside from my mom, I had Marcus. But it seems I’ve just lost him.


    23


    “I’ll be leaving in a week, and I think it’s best to tell you now. I don’t know about seeing the twins, because if I do, I may not be able to leave anymore. Please extend my regards to them. And I hope Mason keeps his word and treats them as he promised he would.”


    “Why do you keep talking about Mason? I never told you I wanted him back or that I’m going back to him. Granted, I’ve forgiven him and I now know the truth about what truly happened between us, but that doesn’t mean I want him in my life. I don’t even know what I want from him yet, or if he’ll even be in my life. And I don’t think there’s enough reason to lose you. You don’t have to leave. You can see the kids, they won’t be happy if you go without saying goodbye.”


    Nothing I said was enough to change Marcus’s mind. It seemed he had already made his decision before he called me.


    From the look of things, he didn’t even want to keep in contact with me. I couldn’t me him, if this is what he wants,


    then I’ll respect it.


    After Marcus left, I decided to take a walk around the busy area. It was still filled with people, some selling, others buying.


    I decided to enjoy the moment instead of going home. I wanted to be alone, it was the reason I refused his offer to take me


    back home.


    My heart still felt heavy, but I refused to let it weigh me down. Marcus was still around for a few more days, we could meet up a few times before he left. I didn’t need to start mourning his departure just yet.


    I walked into the crowd, stopping at different shops to get things. I got to a stall where they sold tteokbokki, a Korean snack. I requested a spicy te and stood in front of the stall waiting for the man to give me my portion.


    I first had this with Marcus during our trip to South Korea. Marcus was a foodie; it was one of the many sides of him I discovered during our time together. He loves spicy food, and I had been so scared to try it and had spat out my first bite,


    unable to stomach how spicy it was.


    A te of tteokbokki was ced in front of me. I thanked the man and paid. “Can I sit under here?” I asked since no one else was seated under the umbre shade the man provided.


    That was when I noticed that I was the only one in the stall, which exins why he had such a big smile stered on his face, Just as I sat, three other customers came, it seems I was his first, and two ended up sitting under the same shade.


    “You should try it, it’s not as spicy as you think.” It was as though I heard Marcus’s voice behind me. “Go girl, you’ve got this.” A business trip turned into our own private time away from work, and we enjoyed it to the fullest.


    Pretending as though he was behind me gave me the courage to ce the first bite in my mouth. I chewed slowly, and the sweet and spicy taste spread over my mouth. It was almost unbearable for me, but I didn’t stop. I still pretended that he was there, with me.


    Friends mean a lot to me because I never <b>had </b>them growing up. At the orphanage I grew up in, it was a ground for the survival of the fittest, and although I made two friends, it neversted. One died, and I lost contact with the other.


    09:36 Sat, 30 Aug<b>&</b>ww.


    Marcus was the first real friend I got after Mason, and just like the others, he would now be part of my memory.


    ? ? 54%


    +23


    My vision turned blurry, and I could no longer hold the tears. I pushed the te of tteokbokki forward and rested my head on the table. My shoulder shook as I cried, grieving the loss of a part of me.


    Maybe this was for the best. I am not so selfish as to insist he stays in my life when I know he couldn’t. I, too, had to let him go. Since I couldn’t love him, I could only pray that he finds someone he loves and that person would not be like me. That person would be able to give him all the love he gives out.


    I stood abruptly, I needed to leave. My phone fell as I hurried out, I gritted my teeth, wiping my eyes with the back of my palm as I picked it up.


    I bumped into someone immediately I turned, something cold spread over my chest, staining the white clothes I wore. I missed my step as I tried to steady myself and began to fall backwards.


    A firm hand wrapped around my waist and steadied me, stopping the act of humiliation I was about to rain down on myself.


    “Thank yo-” I began lifting my gaze, but my words stuck to my throat when I saw his face.


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