Gloom 178_Balance of Light and Shadow

Chapter 178 

 Trigger Warning – mentions of suicide

 Lewana POV

 I curled up on Conrad’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. I just let him talk as I felt the turmoil drain for him. It was at least two hours before he stopped talking.

 Conrad tilts my head up to look at him. “So now you know everything, and why I can’t mark you yet‘.

 “You can still mark me, Conrad. We will be more united, and I can help you. It won’t hurt me or the pups.

 ‘You can’t guarantee that. Ste said I was blue and ck. It means there is darkness in me. If it takes over or the shadows attack me again, you could get hurt. If things get bad and the hunters have to act to protect the pack“.

 I smack him in the chest. “The hell am I going to let them?“.-

 He ces a gentle hand on my belly. “The lineage is already safe, and you’re an amazing ruler. If I have to die to save you, the pups, and protect everyone else, then I will“.

 I reach up and grab his face and stare into his eyes. I can’t see any shadows, but I know whose work this is. 

 ‘What did Jace tell you about the Shadows?“.

 “That they don’t create conflict or emotions. They just exacerbate it.

 ‘Anything else, or was that it?“.

 He looks at me, confused. “That was it. He said you would know more“.

 I go on to tell him, as he needs to know for all our future battles.

 “Goddess Gia is of the Light and the God Chaos of the Darkness. He had a son. God Nyx of the night. He is the father of the Shadows. He had ten children.

 Philotes, the shadow of Lust. Takes pride in causing affairs and encouraging people to act on desire.

 Hypnos, the shadow of sleep, works with his brother, Oneiroi, the shadow of dreams. They create nightmares you can’t wake up from.

 Thanatos, the shadow of death, ims the souls of the departed. Makes death seem to be part of life, even if the causes are unnatural.

 Momus, the shadow of me, and Oizys, the shadow of distress, are twins. They work with Eris, the shadow of strife, Apate, the shadow of deceit, and Nemesis, the shadow of revenge. They destroy rtionships by making it seem like everyone is the enemy. So you arepletely alone“.

 I pause. And I can see Conrad doing the math in his head. “That’s only nine

 I look at him with tears in my eyes. “Moros, the shadow of Doom, is the one who possessed me. He is the one I’m most afraid of. He tells you there is no good in the world“.

 Conrad moved to position himself in front of me. He looked at me with a mix of concern and fear. He maintains contact by holding my hand as I proceed to tell him the story. 

 “I told you the first time I went to the Moon Goddess realm by using water, I was sick. However, that wasn’t the first time I saw her. When I was 14, I was struggling to adjust to the world of humans. Severna wasn’t allowed out due to curfew; any authority made me angry. There’s no hierarchy system, so I didn’t know where I fit in. I started to feel like I had made a mistake and considered going back. That’s when I started hearing the whispers. It kept telling me I was not meant for this world, and it would be better if I killed myself. After hearing the whispers for three months, I tried. When I died, I went to the realm, and the Moon Goddess told me what I was and what the whispers were. She gave me the choice to keep fighting and that she would now be with me, or I could enter the realm. Serena begged me to fight, so I did. I found outter that I was clinically dead for 12 minutes. I was ced in a psych unit for month while I got treatment, and that’s where the psychiatrist rmended contact sports“.

 Conrad has tears streaming down his face and pulls me into a tight hug. We both hold each other as tears silently fall down our cheeks.

 He looks at me and pauses for a while. “Howe I didn’t know this? How was it not in your files?“.

 “They weren’t documenting abuse, so they didn’t need to“.

 I pause to look at him, then lift his face so his eye meets mine.

 ‘I told you this because you’re still believing the shadows. Moros isn’t possessing you, but those are still his words‘.

 “But they’re not wrong. I just…… I need to prove I can do this“.

 “But everyone here believes in you. You have already proved yourself. To the pack and to me“.

 “But not to myself. I’m the Alpha King. I’m meant to be able to do all of this. I am meant to be the ultimate leader. How am I going to be a good mate to you? A true leader of our pack? The King of all packs, when I can’t even get the basics right. How am I going to be a father?“.

 He was starting to make me angry now. How can he not see his own power? 

 1

 “Firstly, you already are a father. You’re already a mate. You’re already the Alpha King. That’s not going to change. Secondly, how are you going to prove it? Besides, it’s not about proving it. It’s about epting it. You made mistakes“.

 He jumps out of the bed and starts yelling at me.

 “WILL EVERYONE STOP TELLING ME I MADE A MISTAKE. THAT’S THE POINT I’M TRYING TO MAKE. I DIDN’T. I’M GLAD THEY SUFFERED. I’M GLAD THAT BASTARD IS DEAD FOR EVERYTHING HE DID TO YOU. I REGRET NONE OF IT. However, part of me knows I shouldn’t have done it. Does that make me good or evil?“.

 I just freeze. I didn’t know how to answer. You could say killing someone in that fashion is evil, but ke was evil. Conrad is good.

 He just sighs. “And that’s what I need to work out“.

 He goes to the door and leaves in silence while I sit on the bed. Frozen.

 A

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Gloom 178