GIANNI


    <b>T20 </b>BUNUS


    The light inside me seems to dwindle without my little bird beside <b>me</b>. The anticipation of seeing her after a long day of work gets ripped out from underneath me by one single text. The bloodthirsty asshole I am pushes to the forefront of my mind. What is she doing now? Why doesn’t she want toe back here tonight, and how am <b>I </b>supposed to ept that without wanting an exnation? I understand that she’s worried about her father. She is constantly worried about him, but she needs to be careful, or she’ll never be able to stop worrying about him. He’s always going to give her a reason to be concerned. I’m reminded all over again about the dynamic of their rtionship. She’s his parent, even when he should act as her father.


    No matter how much I grind my teeth and fight to force away the suspicions and questions, there’s no holding them back. The dam has burst.


    Fear grips my heart in its meaty fist. Is he telling her everything he knows? The thought that even with all my promises and vows of honesty, she’s going to think I’m still keeping things from her. Damn it. I should have gotten out in front of this. Once again, it will look like I am trying to keep things from her for my own gain.


    Every gulp of whiskey goes down smoother than the one before. I can’t remember thest time I got drunk–buzzed and tipsy, sure. That’s the thing about me. I like control. A man as powerful as me can never have a vice that he can’t control, and I’ve always prided myself on knowing when enough is enough. Tonight, I seem to have lost sight of that mark.


    That doesn’t stop me from getting up and pouring another drink once I’ve drained my ss. I’m fucked. Completely lost without my little bird. She’s made a mess of me. If only she hade back tonight. I wouldn’t have to live with the dread of what he might be saying to her at this very minute. The ground beneath us is so fragile to know her father may be nting lies in her head. If not lies, then theories and assumptions. He’s always assumed so much about me. Never knew who the real me was–to be fair, I didn’t want to know him, either.


    She sees him inly, that much I know. She sees how far he’s fallen, and is skeptical enough not to take his usations at face value. Isn’t she? The unknown terrifies me. I guess this is what it’s all about, as miserable as it is. Trust. It’s never been one of my stronger qualities. That’s what happens when you’ve been burned time and again so many times you lose faith in people. Not only in women, though women haven’t proven themselves trustworthy to me in the past. It’s anyone that has the power to take what I give them and rip it apart.


    Caterina wants freedom. She wants my trust. I want her. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out the form. If there’s any hope of having and keeping her, I must meet her halfway. Will any of that matter though, once the truth is out? Once she discovers I told her father about us? I should’ve given her a heads–up.


    There isn’t enough whiskey in the bottle to blot out that question, which echoes in the back of my mind. Will this be the final lie that breaks us forever?


    Every tick of the clock is another moment he could be filling her head with lies about me. More than ever, he’ll want to keep us apart. He’s going to be dead set on hurting us. Hurting me, most of all. I shouldn’t have pussed out like I did, telling myself it was for the best, that it would hurt her to hear what condition he was in. When will I ever learn? Honesty is easier, even if it hurts the other person to hear.


    It’s dark now, the grounds quiet. My empire, one built on blood. The blood of the innocent and guilty alike. If Caterina’s mother is one of those innocents, who’s to say how many others might have flown under my radar all these years? I stare c he window after grabbing the bottle of whiskey from the bar, knowing I’ll need it again soon enough.


    Was any of this genuinely worth it? If I lose her, I might as well give it all up. I don’t know how I can continue to breathe, much less continue running my business, if I lose the promise of her love


    “How long have you been drinking?”


    I turn away from the window, ss in one hand, bottle in the other Roger’s watching from the doorway. His gaze falls on the bottle, then the ss. “Were you nning on leaving any, or did you want to empty the bar all at once?”


    My heart takes off despite his arrogant attitude. He’s the other person I’ve been waiting for, and it took him long enough to return. “Don’t worry about that. Did you get it?”


    <i>77 </i>


    “Yeah. I got it.”


    I lift my brows, waiting, but he’s too busy staring at me. “Hand it the fuck over. Clirist, what are you waiting for?”


    He doesn’t move. He just stands there, watching me as I walk to my desk, waiting to read the report I sent him to obtain. I am still determining exactly how he did it. As usual, he didn’t give me many details. usible deniability. “You kept me waiting for hours as it is.”


    “Sometimes, these things take maneuvering. I can’t barge into the police station and throw a wad of cash at somebody. There’s stiptions, negotiations, rules.”


    He approaches the desk, studying me rather than doing what I’ve ordered. “How much have you had to drink?”


    “I told you-”


    “I know what you told me. I’m asking for an answer of how much? He eyes the bottle I set on the desk<b>, </b>scowling. “And this isn’t me scolding you, but we both know this isn’t like you.”


    “You’re wasting my time.”


    His gaze snaps away from the bottle andnds on me again. “How’s Tatiana been today? Have you even gone to see her? Checked in on her? Or were you nning on drinking yourself to death in this room?”


    My vision is starting to blur. I have to get this over with and get him out of here before I loseplete control. “Spare me the bullshit lectures and give me the report, damn it.”


    He shakes his head slowly, his mouth set in a firm, disapproving line. “She needs you, too. You realize that, right?”


    “Since when is this any of your business? Since when do we get into personal shit?”


    “Well, allow me to apologize beforehand. However, I can’t just stand by and watch you fall to pieces. What, did you decide to take a page out of Charles’s book and give your liver a workout?”


    “You know…” I stand, forgetting the drink for the time being. “This is something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while now. I keep telling myself to let it go, but I’ve obviously let this thing go on way too long.”


    He says nothing, only pulling back his shoulders and lifting an eyebrow.


    “Who gave you the idea that you get to talk to me that way?” I ask. Somewhere along the way, you lost sight of who’s who around here. I’m your boss, Roger. I call the shots. You do as I say and don’t question my authority.”


    “It was a fairly simple question,” he murmurs. Let him pretend all he wants–I see his jaw tightening and the spark of light in his eyes. “I was only asking how your daughter is doing.”


    “You want to know why I’m not with her right now instead of waiting for you to give me the information you were supposed to bring hours ago.”


    “No,” he counters. “I would like to know why you’re allowing this obsession to get in the way of the rest of your life. You know, Tatiana still needs her father.”


    a the idea


    “And who the fuck are you to tell me that?” I round the desk as he stands his ground, lifting his chin like the defiant on of a bitch he is. “You know, I could hire plenty of other guys to do your job. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I went too far, giving that you were indispensable. No one’s indispensable in this world.


    “I realize that.”


    “Then you’re either very stupid or arrogant as fuck. Probably the second if you’re still going to stand here and defy me.”


    “Being arrogant has nothing to do with. We both know it.”


    “Don’t tell me what I know.”


    <b>78 </b>