“All thesete nights and early mornings. You’ve been so scarcetely–of course<b>, </b>I’m going to worry about you<b>.</b><b>” </b><b>I </b>set down the pan and remove the potholders from my trembling hands. “Are you sure you’re not overdoing it with your investigation?” “I knew there had to be a reason for you to do this.” He waves a handover the table 1 so carefully set. “What’s this, an intervention? Do you think I’m taking this too far, too?”
Too? It makes the skin on the back of my neck prickle, that word. Why? Am I not the only one who knows?”
He steps beside me, his eyes stern, and now I can smell the liquor on his breath. Jesus Christ. It’s six–thirty, and he’s been drinking already. “You will not do this. You don’t get to ambush me in my own home. Did you think making me dinner would change things?”
I set the meatloaf down in the center of the table before turning to him, hands <b>on </b>my hips. “What is with all the anger? What did I do to you? All I care about is you, and whether you’re taking care of yourself. Excuse me if I’m a little concerned, but you’ve given me more than enough reasons to worry. Look at yourself. I can smell the liquor on your breath. Do you realize that? What is going on?”
A brief sh of shame crosses his face, but his expression soon hardens. “I thought I made it clear enough already. My entire goddamn life, all of it revolves around this. Making that bastard pay for what he did to us. Why can’t you see that everything I do is for you?”
“Doing what?” I demand, throwing my hands into the air. “Staying out until all hours of the night and getting drunk? How is that supposed to help me in any way? If it does anything, it makes me worry more.”
He ms himself into his chair, snickering. “You can’t be too worried.”
“What does that mean?”
He purses his lips and lifts his brows, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. “<b>If </b>you’re that concerned, why are you going behind my back and looking at apartments?”
Oh, my God. That’s what this is about. I’m not sure how he knows anything. Nevertheless, he is a detective. I guess he has his ways.
“Since when was it ever a secret that I would find an apartment and move out?” I finish putting the mashed potatoes in a bowl and leave them on the table, even though my appetite is now gone. I’m too busy looking back over my actions, trying to figure out what clues I dropped along the way. It shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s not like I was going to live here forever.
“Ever heard of being honest?”
“How can I be honest with you when you’re never here? And since when is your daughter, an adult and a college graduate with a good job and a steady ie, not allowed to find a ce of her own to live in? Do you realize how many parents wish they could be in your shoes? Never once have I leeched off you. Never once have I expected you to do anything for me. I would think you’d want me to p my wings and leave the nest.”
“Yeah, well, I’d prefer you didn’t.” To my surprise, he takes two slices of meatloaf and heaps a mountain of potatoes onto his
te.
When he picks up his knife and fork, I sigh in disbelief. “Why is that<b>, </b>and would you mind giving me your about this?”
“Which is it? You want me to eat my dinner, or do you want to talk about this? Can’t we do both? I’m starving.”
tion while we talk
“Okay.” I suck a deep breath into my lungs and release it slowly, not that it does much to calm me down. It’s how I have to be, or else this is going to evolve even further, and fast. “Exactly why do you think I need to stay here?”
He shrugs while pouring ketchup on his meat. His gaze refuses to meet mine. “How else will I know you’re safe? You, of all people, should understand how dangerous the world is. How many things can go wrong. Anything could happen. You could be
dead.” driving to work one day,pletely innocent, and end up
“That could happen to anybody at any time. You can’t expect me to stop living my life just because you know how bad the world can be. Death happens. It’s inescapable.”
“We both know you flirt with danger a little too much. Letting yourself be associated with that family is bad news.”
This again. I’m about to stab myself in the eye with my fork. It will ever stop, and I don’t expect it to, however the constant reminder of Gianni is not what I need right now. Isn’t it bad enough he already ys a part in every thought I have? I either spend the day wishing I could be with him or regretting thest time we were together and hating myself for making it so easy for him to get to me. To do whatever he wants. To make me beg him for it. Nheless, here my father sits, unwittingly throwing that in my face.
I have to fight off the anger threatening to leak into my voice. “Tatiana is my best friend. That’s not going to change, no matter how you feel about her father or what he may or may not have done.”
“May or may not have done?” He ms his silverware on the te and pushes his chair away from the table beforeunching himself out of it. The overhead light swings, making shadows dance across his face while he leans in.
I have to force myself to face him head–on. No cowering<b>, </b>no shaking<b>, </b>no tears. “Dad, you can talk about evidence all you want, but unless you have it and it’s indisputable, you still don’t know for sure that it was him. It could have been anybody! Walking around saying you have evidence when you don’t, is illegal.”
All he does is scoff, but that’s okay because it gives me time to recall what we initially discussed. “How did you know I was looking for an apartment? Did you just assume or…?”
“I didn’t have to. You left a lease agreement on the coffee table a few nights ago. When I was out with Ken, remember?”
I shouldn’t react, only there’s no stopping it. My shoulders slump, and I close my eyes. I could kick myself for being such an idiot. “I didn’t mean to do that.”
“I didn’t think you did,” he snorts. “You’re way too secretive for that.”
“I’m not trying to be secretive.” It’s a lie, probably an obvious one, judging by how heughs.
“Anyway, you don’t have to worry about it now. You won’t be moving into that apartment or any apartment until I say so.” With that, he plops back down in his chair and digs in like a man who hasn’t eaten in weeks.
I stare at him as ice forms in my veins. “What do you mean? Why won’t I be moving in?”
With his mouth full, he grunts. <b>“</b>I called them today. Told them you weren’t interested.”
There’s no way to make myself believe this. It’s too unhinged, even for the man sitting across from me. One I hardly recognize. How can this be my father? Sure, he was always overprotective to the point of driving me crazy, but he never did things like this. “How could you do that? How could you make that decision for me?”
“I know better. Eventually, you’re going to see that. I know what you need, and what you need is to be home.”
“You don’t know the first thing about what I need. In fact, I’m thinking you never did.” It’s my turn to push back from the table, only this time<b>, </b>I won’t sit down and gorge myself. My throat is <b>so </b>tight I doubt I could swallow a single bite of food. Despair and bitter rage battle for control while I shake beside the table.
I know far more than you. You’re just a kid.”
I can’t blink back the tears that fill my eyes. “I’m not a kid. I’m a goddamn adult and I can’t believe you would have the audacity to cross a line like that. How could you? What gives you the right to decide where I live or what I do?”
“Maybe this will teach you to be honest and not hide things from me.” He’s reprimanding me like a child. Whatever made me think I could get through to him. Whenever I think I’m getting ahead, he dumps a bucket of ice water over tuy head to show me how little I know. It’s clear as day that he’s losing his mind.
“You want me to treat you like an adult?” he continues, spearing a piece of meatloaf on his fork before popping it into his mouth. “Then you need to act like one, which means realizing the importance of staying away from that friend of yours and her father. I’m sure the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She can’t be trusted.”
24
“That’s rich,ing from you. If there’s anyone that I can’t trust’s you! Look at what you did!” Anger pulses deep in my veins, and I walk out of the room before saying something I inevitably regretter. The only ce I can escape to is so that’s where I go. Another second in that kitchen with my father, I might not be able toe back from the things I’d say..
my bedroom,
I don’t get it. I can’t understand what’s going on inside his head. What would make him believe that was a rational thing to do? How did things get this far, from adoring overprotectiveness to t–out insanity? My heart’s pounding so hard I feel dizzy. I have to scream into a pillow or else risk breaking down in sobs.
This is a nightmare. My conscience is getting to me–all the lying had to wear me down eventually. I’m going to wake up any second now and feel a rush of relief. Nope. No such luck. I’m very much awake and very much trapped. I want to call thendlord, but I don’t want to look like aplete loser while attempting to exin why my father would do what he did. It’s pointless now, anyway. I’m sure they filled the vacancy.
I grab my phone and call the one person my father doesn’t want me to have anything to do with. Lucky for me, she answers right away. “Hey, what’s up?” Her voice is a little t,cking its usual sparkle, although she sounds better than thest time I saw her.
Everything pours out–except for hisments on her<b>, </b><b>of </b>course she can’t know about that any more than she can know what he thinks Gianni did. By the time I’m finished, I’m wheezing and on the verge of tears..
She blows out a long whistle. “Wow. He’s absolutely lost his fucking mind.”
“I know, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”
Here I am, sitting on my bed, a hand cupping my mouth and the phone speaker. I might as well be a teenager again, venting to my best friend about how mean my father’s acting. It’s like we’re both reverting, and I don’t know how to stop it. Actually, I do. I know exactly how to stop it. I was trying to, and then my father ruined it.
“I wish I knew what to say. I guess I know how you feel<b>, </b>sort of. You know how protective Dad is of me.”
“I do.” And more than ever, I wish I was with him right now. I need somebody to hold me and understand what I’m going through. I’m so desperate and needy that I want him with every fiber of my being, no matter what he’s done to hurt me. I’m alone, and I hate it. I can feel the darkness circling me like water going down a drain.
“Mhm, I have an idea. Let’s run away again. For real, this time.” I’d think she was kidding if there wasn’t actual enthusiasm in her voice. She sounds clearer than she did when she first answered too. “We could leave, and I mean really leave. Go to a different state. No one will be able to find us. We could start totally new lives, bepletely different people. Haven’t you ever wanted to start over? In a new ce with a different name where no one can ever find you?”
The hope in her voice is like a punch to the gut. She’s that eager to run away from her problems. I won’t deny it; it’s tempting. The idea of running away, hiding, putting everything behind us. I’m so caught up in the notion that I’m even about to ask her where she thinks we could go, when something stops me.
Common sense.
“That didn’t work so wellst time, did it?” I point out, my heart plummeting.
“Okay, so we learn from our mistakes and do it better this time.”
e by running I flop back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, knowing she won’t like what she’s about to hear. Unfortunately, part of being a good friend is telling your friends the things they don’t want to admit themselves. “Nobody ever gets an away. In the end, your problems catch up to you, and nine times out of ten, they’re worse than they originally were.”
“But-<b>” </b>
Tatiana. Not this time. I’m tired of running away–I mean, I ran here, and look what good that’s “No,” I whisper. “We can’t run, done. I’m trapped all over again. I can’t keep jumping out a window because the room’s on fire without knowing where I willnd. I need to stop reacting and start being proactive. There will be no more running away.”
“So, what do we do?”
to it but there’s only one solution: <b>“</b>I think it’s time for both of us to stand our ground and work our problems out. I think
59
it’s time we face these things head–on.”
“I don’t like the sound of that. My idea sounded better. Yours sound much more rational.”
Iugh into the phone. Tatiana’s always had a way of breaking the ice. “That’s because it is. Pull on your big girl panties. It’s time for us to take back control.”
X