How Does It Feel?-1


    Nikki left a few hours ago. Sitting in my silence, in my thoughts, is making me go insane.


    I sigh, turning my head, and then I see the tray on my desk. My breath catches, and I reach for it, cing it on myp on the bed.


    There''s a little sticky note beside the drink and my heart drops down to my stomach. Zaid''s handwriting is scribbled across the note.


    You haven''t eaten. Please, love.


    My chest lurches painfully. Why does e care? Why is he doing this if he just ripped my


    heart out?


    I poke at the food half-heartedly at first. But one bite turns into two, then three, and


    suddenly I''m scarfing it down like I haven''t eaten in days.


    Damn, I''m hungry. Starving.


    The warmth of it settles in my belly, and then I''m too full to eat more.


    There''s a knock at my door.


    I drag myself out of bed with more effort than it should take. My legs are weak, stiff from


    being curled up for too long, and my head throbs with the ache of dehydration and


    exhaustion.


    What if it''s Zaid? What do I say to him? What will he say to me?


    My soul feels like it''s been turned inside out. I hate feeling on edge like this; is this what


    it''s going to be like for now?


    But the knockes again, gentler this time.


    When I open the door, Aiden stands there, arms crossed, brow furrowed. He looks tired


    too, He tries to smile at me, but ites out forced. I look over his shoulder to see if Zaid


    is there, or Jake. He''s alone.


    His eyes watch me for a second before he speaks. "Why didn''t you tell me?"


    How Does It Feel?-1


    My mouth opens, but no wordse.


    He shifts his weight. "About your mom. About Jake. Everything. I had to hear it from Nikki. I had to see it on social media. Why didn''t you tell me? We were together all


    afternoon."


    I shrug, the guilt climbing my throat like bile. "I just, I wanted to feel normal. For thest time. Before everything exploded."


    The moment the words leave my mouth, I hate them. I see it in his face, the sh of pain, the hurt. God, how selfish am I?


    I shake my head. "I didn''t mean to hide it. I wasn''t trying to, I just thought it''d be easier.


    For you. For me. For everyone."


    Aiden''s lips press into a thin line. "It wasn''t easier for me having to hear it from Nikki."


    I grimace.


    "She thought I knew."


    I swallow, nodding. "I should have told you."


    "Yeah, but that''s not new in our rtionship, is it?" He sighs, shaking his head.


    "The cops are downstairs. They want to talk to you."


    "What?" My stomach drops. "Cops?"


    He nods. "Two detectives. Your mom''s here too. With Jake."


    I push past him without another word.


    Rage builds up in me as I descend the stairs. Sure enough, there they are two detectives in rumpled button-ups, standing in our living room. One of them wears a thick pair of


    sses, but they''re otherwise pretty identical. No one''s talking, the silence awkward and


    tense.


    My mother stands nearby, looking at Jake with a horrid expression, like she''s there to


    protect me from the bad man.


    Jake stands there like a damn statue.


    How Does It Feel?-1


    Aiden walks away from me; he doesn''t stand near me like Zaid always does when


    he knows I need more support. It kills me.


    "You wanted to talk to me?" I say to the detectives.


    The one without the sses looks at me, giving me an awkward wave and a smile. "You''re


    Ms. Hanson?"


    I nod, folding my arms across my chest.


    "Well, I''m Detective Marcus Dney and this is my partner, Detective Joel Hartman."


    I say nothing.


    "Just had a few questions," he says. "Trying to understand what''s going on here."