《Secrets of Us A Forbidden Love Romance (Alina)》


 Chapter 1

    Wee to Melview High School


    "Get the fuck out of the car."


    I flinch, swinging my eyes over to her. She inhales, her cigarette between her lips and she raises her eyebrow when I don''t move.


    My thumb runs over the scar on my wrist.


    "Get the fuck out, Alina."


    I swallow, grab my bag and get out of the car. I don''t say anything, not even a goodbye. The hatred in mother''s eyes has gotten worse over thest few months. It tears me apart.


    But I don''t me her. It was my fault. I killed them. She has every right to be mad at me. To hate me.


    Hell, even I hate myself.


    She speeds away, sting her music as I turn to face my new school. Mother couldn''t live in our old house, and I couldn''t either. When she announced one random Saturday morning that we would be moving across the country, I didn''t object.


    It''s a fresh start.


    No one knows me here, no one knows what I''ve lost.


    I run my thumb over my scar again, and force myself to walk into the front office. The AC sts into me and I wrap my arms around myself as I approach the desk.


    "Hi," I whisper.


    Thedy behind the desk holds up a finger as she finishes typing something out. "What can I help you with, my dear?"


    I look over her shoulder to the motivational posters hung up behind her. They sour my stomach, and I blink away the tears. "I''m a transfer student."


    Her face lights up. "Oh. Alina? Alina Hanson?"


    I nod.


    "I have everything ready for you here. Your schedule, event and sports information, along with prices for lunch items and such."


    She ces a folder in front of me and I offer her a thank you as I take it. I look at my schedule, twisting my lips together as I look at the ssroom numbers.


    "There''s a campus map in there for you, as well."


    I''m about to say thank you again when a deep, panty dropping voice drawls, "Good morning, Cheryl."


    I look to the door, spotting the person that just spoke and my mouth dries immediately. I blink, turning back to look at the counter as if it is the most interesting thing in the world.


    Thedy behind the desk looks up, her eyes beaming as she looks at him. "Aiden Matthews,te again today?"


    I don''t dare look up as he stands beside me, warmth radiating from him. "You know our game was really intensest night, didn''t get home until 2am."


    Cheryl blushes. Literally blushes at the high schooler before her. I press my lips together, attempting to hold back my judgement.


    "Oh. I know, I was therest night. You really pulled through in thest quarter. You saved us." She rests her chin on her hands and I twist my lips together.


    Aiden chuckles beside me. "That''s my signature move, Cheryl."


    "Well, I do need word from your father that your tardiness is okay."


    "Ohe on Cheryl," He leans over the counter, and I catch sight of his sandy brown hair. "He just left for the city. He''ll be there a few days. You know what a busy man he is, I would hate to bother him for such a trivial thing."


    Cheryl shakes her head, smiling as if she can''t help the charm in his voice. "Fine. I''ll write you a pass if you show Alina around today. She''s a new transfer student."


    She looks to me and I widen my eyes, trying to tell her that I''m fine and do not need a a tour guide. I don''t want any attention drawn to me, and by the way Aiden carries himself and the way he talks, I''m sure he''s popr around here. But, it''s toote.


    He turns to me, giving me all of his attention.


    I take him in again, drink in those perfect amber eyes of his. They''re warm, deep


    in a way that makes you feel like you are the only person he sees. His hair falls


    over his forehead, poking his eyebrows, and two deep dimples pierce his cheeks beside his deep smile.


    "Well, hello there."


    "Hi," I manage in a whisper.


    He cocks his head to the side, smirking at me. I can feel my cheeks heat, the teasing look on his face is too much for me. He''s god-awfully handsome and it hurts me to look at him.


    The phone rings and Cheryl sighs. "I have to take this, but be nice to her, Aiden. For me, please?"


    She winks at him and I reel in my wide eyes, shock spreading through me. Cheryl picks up the phone and pins it between her ear and her shoulder. "Melview High School..."


    "Alina, huh?" Aiden raises his eyebrows.


    "Uh, yeah." I tighten my hold on the straps of my backpack.


    "Wee to Melview, fresh meat."


    I frown. "I''m not a freshman."


    He bites his lower lip, those perfect, straight teeth of his turning his skin white from


    how hard he presses it. "You 18?"


    I frown at question, and shoot Cheryl a look, pleading for her help but she''s


    too busy talking on the phone. ¡°Um, why?"


    He cocks his head to the other side and shrugs. "Just wanna know."


    I nod.


    His eyes study me, lingering on my chest before he looks down to my legs. It burns right through me, my stomach twisting and I press my legs together, awkwardly trying to ground myself. I rub my scar again and the movement catches his eyes.


    He says nothing, just smirks and before I know it, he has an arm around my shoulder and he pushes me toward the door that leads to the inside of campus. "I''ll show you the ropes, Alina."


    My stomach twists even more. His cologne wafts off of him and I have to stop myself from breathing it in with a long inhale.


    I don''t miss the way he lets his hand brush over my breast. It shocks me, but I don''t say anything. I don''t even move when he does it again.


    "English for first period? Fun."


    I look to him as he reads off my schedule which he has conveniently ripped from


    my hands. I have to lift my head, he''s almost an entire foot taller than me and when he looks down at me, he winks.


    "Looks like half of your sses are with me."


    Fuck.


    "I''ll make sure you feel right at home here."


    Fuck.

 Chapter 2

    Soften The Blow


    When I walked into my father and brother''s funeral, all eyes were on me.


    They stared, and whispered, some with pity in their eyes, but most of them with judgement.


    I remember that feeling. The twist of my stomach, the taste of bile in my throat and the pounding of my heart.


    As I walk into that first ssroom, with Aiden beside me and his arm still around my shoulder, I feel exactly like I did then.


    Everyone takes their eyes from the board where Mr. Admas is teaching and they stare right at me like I have elephant ears on the sides of my head. I hear a loud whistle, as if someone is shocked at the sight of us at the door.


    I swallow and turn to Mr. Admas, who raises an eyebrow.


    He looks us up and down, "Aiden. You''rete."


    Aiden clicks his tongue and winks, "I have a pass from the office."


    Mr. Admas takes the slip from his fingers, reading it quickly and ces it on his desk. "Take your seat."


    Aiden lowers his arm from my shoulder, letting his fingertips drag down my skin and he squeezes my waist. "I''ll save a seat for you."


    "Where''s your pass?"


    I feel my cheeks heat. "I-I don''t have one."


    He crosses his arms on his chest. "You''rete."


    "I know, but-" I swallow, ignoring the whispers that echo around the room. "I''m new?"


    Mr. Admas narrows his eyes. "I know. That doesn''t excuse your tardiness."


    I wrap my arms around my waist, grimacing as some of the kidsugh from their


    seats.


    "I''ll write you down for detention."


    My cheeks heat and my stomach twists.


    "Take a seat so you do not dy our ss anymore than you already have."


    I look down, avoiding his dark gaze and stare at my feet as I walk down to the back of the ss. I try to look for an empty seat, but before I can scan the whole ssroom, a strong arm bands around my waist and pulls me down.


    Aiden looks down at me, smiling wide. "I told you I''d save you a seat."


    He pulls my chair until it smacks against his and he wraps his arm around my shoulder. It''s enough to make everyone turn around and focus back on Mr. Admas.


    I exhale. "Thank you."


    Aiden pulls back, lowering his hand to my thigh and squeezes it just like how he did with my waist. It''s bes clear it''s his way offorting me.


    He smirks down at me. "They can eat you alive here, but if you stick with me, I can soften the blow."


    I smile at that, falling into myself as I hunker down and pay attention to Mr. Admas and his teaching.


    Aiden doesn''t move his hand from my thigh once, and I school my expression when his fingers clench. I ignore the heat that travels from the pit of my stomach to the tips of my toes, not wanting him to move his hand either.


    I pretend to not notice the way his thumb rubs circles on my thigh. The way the veins in his hands strain against his skin.


    He wears a silver ring on his thumb, and a chain around his wrist. Callouses on his fingers give truth to his im on athlete, on apparently being the basketball star of Melview High School.


    "Where you from?"


    Aiden ignores the work on his desk, leaning his head on his arm as he ces his elbow down on top of the paper.


    I look up from my work, looking up to Mrs. Reece, who is chewing on gummy worms at her desk. We have Science after English, and, again, Aiden finds a way to park his behind right next to mine.


    Mrs. Reece was less intimidating than Mr. Admas, she smiled at me and passed out sheets for us to work on in partners.


    "Florida."


    He whistles, "That''s a long move to Arizona."


    I nod, slightly smiling.


    "Why''d you leave?"


    I lose focus. Remembering the smell of gasoline, and chemicals, the smell of blood as I take in the crushed metal and the burn on my hands.


    I rub my thumb over my scar and blink back to the present. "Just, things."


    His eyes study me, they narrow. He doesn''t believe me, and he looks to the scar on my wrist. I hide it beneath the desk and I''m thankful when he doesn''t pry.


    "Alright everyone, please take those sheets home and finish them for homework," Mrs. Reece stands from her desk, looking up at the clock hanging from the wall behind her. ¡°I have a sign up sheet here for you all. Please sign you and your partner''s name for the science fair at the end of the semester."


    I blow out a breath. Science fair.


    "It will be your final grade."


    "I''ll sign us up," Aiden huffs as he stands.


    My heart ms in my chest. "Us?"


    He winks, smirking as he ces his hands in his pockets, "Partner."


    I ignore the twist in my stomach, watching him as he walks toward the desk,


    He seems like someone that I could easily fall for.


    I shiver. I just met him, what am I thinking?


    "Hey, new girl."


    The whiny voice from beside me jumbles me from my ogling and I lift my eyes.


    She has her arms crossed over her chest, her blonde hair short and curly over her shoulders. Her hazel eyes are stunning, but cold and calcting. She raises her eyebrow when I don''t answer.


    "Don''t fall for his charm, he won''t actually follow through."


    I look to Aiden, who is distracted in a conversation with a group of guys.


    "I won''t," I lie right through my teeth.


    The girl sneers, flipping her hair as she turns and walks away just as the bell


    rings, signaling the end of ss.


    Aiden catches up to me as I grab my bag and walk to the door. "Hey, I won''t see you until tomorrow."


    I say nothing, and nod.


    "You okay?"


    "Perfect."


    He frowns, but I ignore him, separating from him as we head in opposite directions.

 Chapter 3

    You Look Pretty In Red


    The day ends quickly, and I find myself reluctantly making my way to detention.


    It''s in a dingy room in the basement, a fluorescent light flickering on and off. Mr. Admas sits behind the desk, grading papers when I walk in. He lifts his eyes only, peering at me over his reading sses.


    "Now you''re early, Ms. Hanson."


    I shrug, taking a seat in the middle, away from his desk.


    He sets his pen down and narrows his eyes at me. "You have a clean te here."


    Shivers ran through me, my skin breaking out in goosebumps. A clean te. Somewhere where I won''t be med for surviving a crash that killed everyone else. Where I won''t be looked at with pity, and then with me.


    I close my eyes, center myself and then open them on an inhale.


    "Pick your friends wisely," is all he says before returning to the paperwork in front of him.


    I ignore him, clenching my teeth together as I open my bag and dig through to find my homework. I take out a notebook, but only manage to doodle on it absentmindedly, my thoughts going to Aiden one too many times.


    Fuck. I havn''t even been here a whole day and I''m already developing a crush like some little schoolgirl.


    Shoutse from the hallway and the door ms open. My head shoots up and my stomach twists when three students saunter in. I can tell right off the bat that they think they rule the school.


    Arrogance wafts off of them, especially the tallest one that walks in first. Dark- haired with piercing dark eyes. He nces around the room before locking his gaze on me. A teasing smile curls in lips. Mischievous. Untrustworthy.


    He immediately has the warning bells going off in my head.


    "Zaid," Mr. Admas practically growls from his desk.


    Zaid keeps his eyes on me, that smile never leaving his lips. "Yes, Mr. Admas?"


    "You''rete. Take a seat and leave Ms. Hanson alone."


    Zaid clicks his tongue. "Why would I do that? It would take all the fun out of it."


    He walks toward me, taking the seat beside me. He leans back in his chair, cing his arms behind his head and crossing his feet at the ankles, still watching


    me.


    "Detention is not meant to be fun, Zaid."


    The other two students sit behind Zaid, snorting as they bump elbows and wink at me.


    Zaid cocks his head, shing me a grin. "What''s your name, love?"


    My cheeks burn. I can feel the heat all the way to my ears. I rub the scar on my wrist and calm my breathing. I just want him to leave me alone. I want him to stay away from me.


    He catches the movement of my fingers, frowning as he takes in the scar on my wrist. "Damaged, are we?"


    His voice drips with amusement, but the humor in his voice cuts right through me. That he can point something out like that with a smile on his face without a care in the world as to what actually happened to me makes me boil inside.


    I purse my lips together and turn away from him, continuing to doodle in my notebook.


    His friendsugh. "Zaid, when was thest time a girl didn''t drop to her knees and


    beg you to let her suck your cock?"


    I drop my head, hiding behind my hair.


    "Jace!" Mr. Admas yells, "Do you want me to write you down for detention next week, too?"


    Jace rolls his eyes. "Mrs. Reece already wrote me down for next week."


    "The week after that?"


    Jace throws his head back, letting his hair fall over the back of his chair. "I guess I''m free."


    I can feel Zaid beside me, can feel that he hasn''t taken his eyes off of me and I look to the clock, internally groaning when I see that I still have forty-five minutes of this shit.


    They talk between each other but I drown them out, focusing on my doodling instead, when Zaid reaches for my desk. He grabs one of the legs and pulls my desk until it smacks against his.


    "Where''d you get the scar, fresh meat?"


    I frown. "I''m not a freshman."


    He cocks his head, his eyes narrowing. "You 18?"


    "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"


    Jaceughs loudly. "Aiden got to her first, Zaid."


    Zaid clicks his tongue, that creepy smile lifting his lips again. "Where''d you get the scar?"


    "None of your fucking business," I spit at him.


    He chuckles, low and deep. "Feisty. I like that."


    "Zaid. That''s enough," Mr. Admas interjects.


    "Eric, I would stay out of this unless you want me to tell the entire school exactly why your wife left you," Zaid speaks to him, voice loud andmanding but he keeps those dark eyes on me.


    Mr. Admas'' lips purse tightly, his cheeks turning red. He shoots me and look of disdain and sits in his seat, quietly. Shock spreads through me, cold and alien. "Wanna get out of here?"


    I grip my pen tight, trying not to reach for my scar again. "No."


    He lifts an eyebrow. "No?"


    I shake my head, "I''d rather stay here."


    Zaid''s grin widens. "You''re going to be fun."


    My stomach sours and I turn to face the front of the ssroom, keeping my eyes down on my paper. Zaid takes it from me, and I hardly have time to react.


    "Stop!"


    He recoils as he looks through it. "This is...unexpected."


    He points to a particrly dark sketch of a decaying skull. It''s what I felt like in those days after the ident.


    "Give it back," I snarl.


    He closes the notebook, but keeps it on his desk. "What''s your name?"


    I look to Mr. Admas, who keeps his head down. Fine. If he wants to y this


    game, then I''ll y too. If I have to give something up, so does he.


    "Why did Mr. Admas'' wife leave him?"


    He chuckles, his eyes glistening with amusement, his grin widening. "Look at you.


    Tell me your name first."


    I press my lips together my hands turning white from how hard I hold my pen. "Alina."


    He inhales, and sets my notebook on my desk. "She didn''t leave him. He left her."


    I frown.


    "He came home one day and found me inches deep in her pussy."


    My cheeks me and his smile widens.


    "You look pretty in red."


    I look away from him, breathing in and out of my nose to steady my nerves. I feel


    him lean close.


    "See you around, Alina," he says, his voice sounding like a threat.


    Him and hisckeys stand, Mr. Admas doing nothing as they leave the room. It''s funny, for some reason I feel more exposed being alone with Mr. Admas, so I grab my things and leave, too.

 Chapter 4

    It Was Too Late


    Mother wasn''t even home when went to bedst night.


    I had stopped asking myself where she was, stopped asking her to exin herself. Now, I''m used to living my life as if I''m on my own. It''s why I asked her to make sure my school is within walking distance.


    I can''t depend on her for anything.


    I leave home early this morning, not wanting to run into hering home from a drunken night. Yesterday wasn''t the best of first days of school, but I somehow convinced myself today would be better.


    The walk is short and when I step inside the gated campus, my heart ms in my chest in excitement. I''m going to see Aiden again. I know it''s silly to hyper fixate on someone so quickly, but he was nice to me.


    Jace''sments yesterday did have me upst night wondering what he meant, but I wouldn''t put it past him to try and make Aiden seem worse than he is.


    I step into first period, and Aiden is sitting in our seats from yesterday, waving his hands to catch my attention.


    "What''s up, Florida?" He winks, shooting me a disarming smile and my insides turn into puddles.


    "You do remember my name, right?"


    Heughs. "Yes, Alina. How was detention yesterday?"


    I don''t get to tell him how it was, Mr. Admas begins his lesson quickly, avoiding me the entire time as he teaches. Not once does he look in our direction, even when we talk loud enough to interrupt the ss.


    Everything goes normally until lunch, where I find myself alone. I purse my lips, looking down at my tray of school pizza, applesauce and chocte milk. I throw it away, taking an apple from a bowl and making my way to the tables they have outside.


    I find an empty table, sitting at it as I rub my scar. The apple crunches loudly, and its juices runs down my chin. It''s sweet, right at the perfect ripeness.


    I hear a loudmotion and my attention is drawn to arge group of people that are crowded around a table. My eyes widen, my heart rate spiking when I spot Aiden sitting on the table with a girl on hisp.


    She straddles him, her back to me. She has curves, her shirt riding up to show most of her back. Aiden isughing, throwing his head back as she wraps her arms around his neck andughs with him.


    He... he has a girlfriend?


    I take a bite from the apple, still watching.


    She grips his chin, forcing him to look at her and she kisses him. He doesn''t stop her, his hands gripping the skin of her back and lowering down to cup her ass.


    Heat coils in my stomach.


    I wonder what it feels like to be touched like that. Especially by someone like Aiden. Muscr, big hands, handsome. He looks like he knows what he''s doing. My mouth dries.


    I lift my eyes from her to him and I gasp, freezing in my spot when I catch him looking right at me. Those amber eyes gleam in the sunlight and they re at me, watching me as he absolutely devours the girl with his kiss.


    His fingers dig into her ass, and he moves her, practically grinding her on hisp.


    But those eyes, those intense, teasing eyes, remain on me.


    My skin prickles and I blink out of his focus, looking around to make sure no one is watching me. I toss the apple in the trash, my appetite gone and I walk away, looking over my shoulder once before entering the building.


    He''s still watching me.


    Still kissing her.


    I shake my head and make my way into the building, searching for refuge in the library. My stomach twists, but I ignore it.


    The library is mostly empty, so it doesn''t take long for me to find a table. I take out my notebook, opening it to fresh page so I can doodle until lunch time is over.


    "Alina."


    I shut my eyes, breathing out at the sound of that familiar voice. All I wanted today was to not run into him, to not see him.


    Zaid sits in front of me, Jace taking the seat beside him and their otherckey takes the seat beside me.


    "What luck for us to run into each other again."


    "It''s more like bad luck," I whisper under my breath, still not looking directly at him.


    He chuckles. "Ouch."


    I lift my eyes to his, forcing myself to not tremble beneath his dark gaze. "What are you doing here? You don''t seem like the library type."


    Jace snickers, but he says nothing as Zaid frowns, pretending to be hurt. "Oh, do you think I''m stupid?"


    I shrug, leaning back in my chair as I cross my arms over my chest. "If the shoe fits."


    That soul-cutting smile of his curls his lips. "Well, I think it''s time I show just how studious I can be."


    My heart rate picks up.


    He digs in his pockets and fishes out his phone. "I did some researchst night."


    I don''t know where this is going, so I just sit back and listen, eyeing the clock, hoping for the bell to save me.


    "Alina Hanson. From Florida."


    Oxygen escapes my lungs, and I dig my fingers into my arms to stop the tears that prick my eyes. "Stop."


    "Found this interesting article about you."


    I grit my teeth, struggling to breathe. "Stop."


    "Alina Hanson, sole survivor of fiery crash that kills both her her brother and her father."


    My ears ring and the world around me spins. I have to close my eyes to center myself and I grip the table, feeling bile rise into my throat. Its a pull and a push, like a tidal wave.


    I can smell the fire, the chemicals in the air, the gasoline and the hot asphalt beneath me. Burning flesh. My dad''s screams, Alex''s cries. It alles back likeva flowing from a volcano, I can''t stop it.


    I cried, I screamed. I told them to let me go, to not save me if they couldn''t save them. But it was toote.


    It was toote-


    Water sshes across my face and I scream,ing back to my senses.


    My legs feel like jelly beneath me and I struggle to stand. I grip the sink in front of


    me, and when I look up, it''s Zaid who stands behind me, holding me up as he sshes water into my face.


    His eyes are narrowed, and he watches me in quiet study.


    He doesn''t apologize, doesn''t say anything, in fact. He just stares.


    When I can finally put weight on my legs, he steps back and cocks his head.


    I wipe my face dry with the paper towels, looking around to notice that we are in


    the men''s room. It''s empty though, and it''s just us two in the room.


    "Is that how you got your scar?"


    I re at him, my nostrils ring, but I don''t say anything, refusing to say anything.


    I try to walk past him, only to stop when he wraps his hand around my arm and pulls me back in front of him.


    The bell rings to signify the end of lunch. Still, we stay exactly where we are.


    He inhales, his shoulders rising as he reaches for the hem of his shirt, he lifts it all


    the way to his pecks and my eyes widen when I see the mess of scars on the left side of his torso.


    Burns.


    From his belly button to the beginning of his nipple.


    My mouth parts in shock, a breath escaping me.


    He drops his shirt, grabbing my arm again and leading me out of the bathroom.


    "Come on, we''ll bete to ss."

 Chapter 5

    Death


    "Stop following me."


    Zaid says nothing, still walking behind me as I make my way to my next ss.


    My voice still trembles from the nerves, from the panic attack that almost took me out. But I don''t care.


    I step inside Ms. Art''s ss, rolling my eyes when Zaid follows. I beeline for a seat beside a quiet girl who sat by herself yesterday, but I am pulled back when Zaid grabs my backpack.


    He leads me to the back seats, settling beside me.


    "You''re not even in this ss," I hiss, wiping the fresh tears that fall down my face.


    "I''m in whatever ss I want to me."


    I scoff. "Who are you?"


    "I''m Zaid," He shrugs.


    "You know what I mean."


    Ms. Art begins her lesson, telling us to read a chapter of the book she has ced


    on our desks. I pick up the book and lift it to cover my face as I turn to Zaid.


    I clench my jaw, "Why are you here?"


    "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."


    "Bullshit," I grit. It was his fucking fault that I freaked out. I told him to stop, begged him to stop. He did nothing but taunt me and throw it back in my face.


    "I didn''t mean for that to happen," He whispers. He doesn''t look at me, doesn''t


    even lift his own book, just looks straight ahead as if Ms. Art is walking across the front of the room.


    "That''s the worst fucking apology."


    "It''s not an apology," He turns to me, his face sharp, his eyes calcting. "I''m not apologizing for something you can''t control."


    My heart ms in my chest and the tips of my finger turn numb. "Asshole."


    "I learned to control my panic. You need to do that, too."


    I kick him in the shin beneath the desks and a smirk lifts his lips. That only makes me angrier, that wasn''t the intended reaction. "What? You think because we showed each other our scars, we''re the same? That we can bond? Newssh, no one wants to be friends with a degenerate."


    He snorts, his shoulders shaking.


    "I''m d you find this amusing."


    He shrugs. "It''s funny. My father calls me that."


    "Well, he sounds like a smart man."


    He turns to me, his hands in tight fists. "You honestly find it apliment to bepared to a forty year old man?"


    My nostrils re. "When you lose your forty year old father, yes, it''s apliment."


    Hurt shes in his eyes. "Then I take it that should mean it would beplimentary for me to bepared to a forty year old woman?"


    Shock leaves me speechless and my eyes, on their own ord, trace down to his chest and his stomach where his scar is. He doesn''t say anything, but that look in his eyes is enough confirmation.


    It''s the same look I see in the mirror when I can''t stop the guilty thoughts from taking hold of my brain. That look I get when I wish I was the dead one so that my father and Alex could be alive. That look I get when I don''t understand why it was me that survived.


    Asshole or not, Zaid had lost his mother and my heart ached for him.


    I know exactly how he feels, the thoughts he fights with.


    "Don''t give me that pitiful look," He murmurs, his fingers over his lips as he continues to look forward. "I get enough of those. Besides, from where I''m sitting, you need a lot more help than I do."


    I look away from him and try to focus on the words in the book. They blur in front of me and I struggle to focus. We say nothing else to each other for the rest of ss and when the bell rings, he follows me out and into myst ss of the day.


    "You really don''t have to follow me. I''m fine now," I stop in the hallway, turning to face him.


    He frowns. "I''m not following you. These are my sses."


    I raise an eyebrow. "I don''t believe you."


    He looks around, smirking. "Doesn''t matter."


    "You weren''t in these sses yesterday."


    He snorts. "Do I look like the type to always go to ss?"


    I purse my lips. He doesn''t, but I feel silly admitting that to him. Instead, I spin on


    my heels and walk into the ss, exhaling in annoyance as he sits beside me.


    "Are you ever going to leave me alone again?"


    He licks his lips, throwing his head back and closing his eyes as if he is getting ready for a nap. "Nope."


    Fire boils inside me, fuming from me as I exhale, but I say nothing, knowing that no conversation with him will ever end with me happy and agreeing with him.


    His jaw clenches, the vein in his neck popping. He has a tattoo behind his ear, a bird of some kind, ck withrge wings and a pointy beak. He lifts his head, looking to the front of the room.


    "It''s a raven."


    I swallow, "What are you talking about?"


    He smirks and swings those dark eyes to me, "You were checking me out."


    "No, I wasn''t."


    He cocks his head, his smirk spreading into a grin. His eyes take me in, from the top of my head to the top of my breasts. I heat up under his gaze and I lick my lips, forcing myself to not look away, to not give him the satisfaction.


    "You''re a terrible liar."


    I inhale. I know I''m a terrible liar, I hate lying, I hate deceiving. I say nothing, just stare at him as he gathers his things. There''s still 30 minutes left in ss. "You''re leaving?"


    He shrugs. "This ss is bullshit."


    He leans toward the desk, ready to stand, but I blurt. "Why a raven?"


    His eyes narrow, they cross my face, down from my eyes to my mouth. "Do you


    know what ravens symbolize?"


    I shake my head.


    He cocks his head, standing to his full height, but before he walks out of the ss,


    he utters one whispered word.


    "Death."

 Chapter 6

    Dream of Death


    I blink as he disappears into the hallway and I press my lips together.


    Death.


    That''s a bit dramatic. Still, I have that empty, twisty feeling in my gut that makes me feel nauseous.


    "Don''t worry, he treats everyone like that."


    I snap my attention to a smiling girl that sits a desk away from me. She looks to the teacher for a second before grabbing her things and shifting to the seat Zaid had just left.


    "I''m not worried," I whisper. "I''m just d he finally left."


    She snorts. "Yeah, he tends to make everyone feel like that."


    I snort back.


    "I''m Nikki, you''re new, huh?"


    I smile, "Alina, yeah I am. Only my second day so far. Is it so obvious that I''m new?"


    She studies me as she hums. "Well, you''re really pretty, hard to miss you when half the school is talking about you."


    My cheeks heat up and I groan, ¡°Oh, please don''t tell me I''ve be the hot new topic of gossip. I wanted to blend in."


    "Well when you have Aiden and Zaid trailing behind you it''s kind of hard to blend in." She smiles at me like she has some inside joke with the rest of the school and I am left out in the open.


    I shake my head, frowning. "What''s up with that anyway? Aiden has a girlfriend, doesn''t he?"


    She nods, pressing her lips together.


    "Then why is he being like that with me?"


    Nikkiughs and when I give her a pointed look she frowns. "You''re serious?"


    "Well, yeah. I thought he was flirting with me. I kind of flirt back, but now I feel silly."


    "Oh, trust me, he is flirting with you."


    "But you just said he had a girlfriend."


    "Yeah, but he''s Aiden. He bounces between girls like they''re nothing. You''re the new girl who''s got his attention. Sadie swears she''ll marry him, but something tells me he''d leave her for you the moment you tell him your interested."


    "I''m not interested," I stutter. Liar, I''m a terrible liar.


    She looks at me up and down. She knows I''m lying. "Okay."


    "I''m not!" I double down, attempting to hold on to at least some of my dignity.


    "All I said was okay." She forces down a smile.


    I bite my tongue to stop myself fromughing, but Nikki is not very good at it and she bursts out into an infectiousugh.


    I groan, throwing my forehead onto the desk. "What, he''s hot, okay? I can''t help


    it."


    Nikki hums her agreement. "Oh very hot, and a very good kisser."


    I lift my head and my jaw drops, "What?"


    She waves her hand, "We dated a bit back in middle school. Old news. Now he''s just the school''s star athlete and we asionally say hi to each other. No bad blood or anything."


    "Is it weird that I just confessed to having a crush on your ex?"


    She barks augh. "It''s hard to be weird about that when every girl has a crush on him. No, it doesn''t bother me. Besides, I think you''d be an upgrade from Sadie, girl''s a bitch."


    "Oh, nice to know I''m a better alternative."


    "I''m being serious. Aiden''s a good guy. He can be intense sometimes, but he''s got a good heart. Sadie doesn''t."


    "I don''t think good heart is a bullet point in most guys'' checklists when they look for a girlfriend."


    Nikki rolls her eyes. "Omg, tell me about. They just look for big tits and a round ass, which you have both, by the way."


    I sneer at her. "Don''t be such a guy."


    Her sweetugh wraps around me and for the first time in a while, that sour feeling in my stomach dies down. She''s the first person I''ve had a conversation with that feels natural, and it''s kind of fun.


    The bell rings and Nikki gets up, her red hair swinging down, "Find me at lunch tomorrow. I usually sit on the grass in front of the library."


    I nod at her as I gather my things. "I''ll find you."


    She smiles brightly and waves goodbye as the whole ss piles out of the room, filling the hallway. The fluorescent lights are bright, making my eyes hurt.


    But nothing beats that terrible ache in my stomach. The end of the schoolday means I have to go home, go home to mother.


    I walk through the hallway quickly, not lingering around so that I can avoid Aiden and Zaid as much as possible. Mother is home when I get there and the house reeks of alcohol.


    I sneer, plugging my nose as my eyes water. She''sying on the couch with a bottle between her legs. Her hair is a mess on her head and her make up is practically melting off her face and down her cheeks. I still, preparing for her berating and her hatred.


    "Look who''s home," her speech is slurred.


    "Hey, mom."


    She scoffs. "Don''t call me that."


    I purse my lips and look away, ignoring the sting of tears in my eyes. She wasn''t always like this, and for some reason I hold on tightly to those memories, it''s the only thing that keeps me going at this point.


    "I dreamed that you were the one that died in that car ident."


    I freeze in my spot, my veins turning icy as oxygen expels from my lungs. I can''t


    tell if she says this to hurt me, or if it''s just her speaking her mind.


    "I wish I could''ve stayed in that dream."


    Okay, maybe she does say it to hurt me.


    I purse my lips together, and let the tears fall down my cheeks. I have had that dream many times before, too, and as much as I want to hate her for feeling that way, for wanting her own daughter dead, I can''t help but agree with her.


    "You and me both," I whisper, heading upstairs to my room where I spend the entire night crying my eyes out.

 Chapter 7

    If I Didn''t Know Any Better


    "What''s up, Florida?"


    I look up from where I''m watching my toes. I''m leaning back against the wall


    beside the door of my first ss. Aiden approaches me, an easy smile on his face, his shoulders nting with every step.


    He''s surrounded by some of his teammates and they break off into their own group, talking andughing, but I don''t listen to them.


    All of my attention is taken up by Aiden.


    Those amber eyes and wavy hair does something to my nerves. Fuck, I''ve seen handsome guys before but he is on another level. Like from a movie.


    He leans his forearm on the wall above my head, looking down at me with a heated gaze. He smirks, the dimple in his cheek making an appearance.


    I say nothing, too busy studying the soft skin of his cheeks and-


    Those lips.


    My stomach turns and my heartbeat quickens. I remember the way he kissed Sadie yesterday, the way his hands held her, the way his fingers dug into her skin.


    I would be lying if I said I didn''t think about that all day yesterday, especially the way it made me feel.


    Hot. It made me feel so hot.


    It makes me want him, it makes me ¡ª


    Aiden leans in closer to me, "If I didn''t know any better, I''d say you''re looking at me like that because you can''t stop thinking about that kiss yesterday."


    I swallow and look around to make sure no one is watching us, to make sure no one can hear him. Everyone seems to be in their own world though, and I return my attention to Aiden.


    He cocks his head and grins arrogantly. "Were you wishing it was you?"


    My breath hitches.


    Yes. Yes. I''ve never been touched like that, and watching him ignited something inside me. I need to know what it feels like.


    My mouth dries and I shake my head.


    He lowers his arm, his hand gripping the back of my neck as he pulls my head back. "You''re a horrible liar, Alina," He whispers into my ear, making my skin prickle.


    He has a girlfriend. I have to remind myself. I lick my lips, pulling away from him and ripping my focus from his lips to his eyes.


    That doesn''t help me much because his eyes are also devastatingly beautiful.


    I twist my head from his hold. "I''m not lying."


    A sly, slow smile curls his lips. "Oh, doubling down are we?"


    I inhale, looking to his friends, who are watching us with teasing smiles and wide eyes, before looking back at Aiden.


    He was watching me yesterday, he didn''t look away from me. He was kissing Sadie, but part of me feels like he was doing it for me. As weird as that sounds.


    I inhale, lifting my chin to look at him more directly and whisper, "If I didn''t know any better, I''d say you''re the one that''s been thinking about kissing me."


    His eyes gleam, like a child finally getting the toy they''ve been wanting. He chuckles, his chest vibrating and he steps impossibly closer to me, stealing my air, stealing my space. His cologne washes over me and I press myself closer to the wall. Aiden follows, his nose grazing mine.


    "And what if I said I have been thinking about it?"


    My breath catches in my throat.


    "What if I told you that I haven''t stopped thinking about you since I saw you in the office?"


    My eyes drop down to his lips for a second.


    "They way you stood there like you don''t have the sexiest little legs I''ve seen in my entire life."


    I blink. "What?"


    "Oh, I''ve been thinking about you, Alina."


    "Oh."


    "Nonstop."


    The smile on his lips slowly disappears, and he leans in closer. I grip the books I''m holding to my chest, my ears ringing, heat spiraling in my stomach. He grazes his lips against mine and I exhale, waiting for him to press them against mine, to close the distancepletely.


    But the bell rings.


    The crowd around us moves.


    Aiden pulls away, grabbing my hand and leading me into ss, into the same seats we''ve been sitting in.


    I follow him, breathing in short pants. I set my bag down, avoiding his gaze, but when I move to sit, his hands grip my waist and he sets me down on hisp. I tense. grabbing his wrists.


    "Aiden." I look around, some eyes on us, most of them wide in shock. They whisper to each other and I lower my face, trying to hide it beneath my hair.


    He chuckles behind me, "What? Have you never sat on someone''sp before?¡±


    I shake my head.


    I feel him recoil and he pulls away to look up at me. "Not even your boyfriend''s?" My cheeks heat, my toes tingling.


    Aiden clicks his tongue, and he cocks his head, smiling. "Alina Hanson. When was thest time you had a boyfriend?"


    I twist my lips together and his hands squeeze my waist. I shake my head.


    "Don''t tell me you''ve never-"


    "My brother was really protective," I blurt.


    Aiden stops for a second, his features distorting into a frown. "Was?"


    My stomach sinks. "I don''t want to talk about it."


    His eyes go the scar on my wrist and I hide it in my shirt. He says nothing, doesn''t


    pry and I thank the universe he isn''t like Zaid. He pulls me closer to his chest,


    keeping his hand on my waist.


    "You have a girlfriend, Aiden."


    "That''s never stopped me before."


    I scoff, halfugh from the shock of his confession. "Wow. That doesn''t exactly make me feel better."


    "I''m just teasing you, Alina." He chuckles, lifting me from myp and cing me on the chair beside his.


    My heart drops into my stomach. Was I reading too much into this? Into the way he watched me when he kissed her? Too much into the way he almost kissed me in the hallway? Ugh.

 Chapter 8

    Pic at Lunch


    Nikki is right where she told me would be.


    She has a nket spread out on the grass and I can''t help but love how careless she is about it. She''s basically having her own little pic during lunch and she looks good doing it.


    "Hey," I wave as I walk toward her.


    She lifts her head, her bright smile spreading across her face. "Hey! How are you?"


    "I''m good."


    "Come, sit." She makes room for me, crossing her legs as she takes a bit from her sandwich. "I was wondering if you were going toe find me today."


    The nket is soft underneath my legs. "Ugh, I did not want to spend my lunch being harassed by Zaid. Being with you is one hell of an upgrade.¡±


    Her eyes widen. "Did he spend lunch with you?¡±


    I look away, wondering if I should tell her about what happened with him


    yesterday. About the scars he has and how much guilt he hoards in his eyes. I choose to go for a lighter retelling of events.


    I nod, running my hands down my face. "Unfortunately, and then it took me the rest of the day to get rid of him."


    She pretends to shudder. "Zaid scares me."


    I frown. "Scares you? He''s a annoying and a bit intense, but I don''t know if I would say he''s scary."


    Nikki swallows the bite in her mouth. "I don''t know. He was in juviest year, he''s


    a super senior and there''s enough rumors about him being spread around the school that I wonder if all of them have some part of truth in them."


    "Is one of them that he slept with Mr. Admas'' wife?"


    Nikki coughs, choking on her water.


    "Sorry," I mutter.


    "I remember when the entire school was buzzing about that. Who told you?" She frowns, wiping the water from her chin.


    "Zaid."


    "He told you himself?"


    "Yeah."


    "Huh, weird." She shrugs, lifting an eyebrow as she takes another bite.


    "Why?"


    "He doesn''t usually talk about that stuff to anyone. He''s honestly kind of quiet. He usually sulks in a corner and keeps people at arms length."


    It reminds me of me and I clear my throat, my voice breaking as I ask, "Do you know why he''s like that?"


    Nikki frowns, "He''s kind of always been like that, but I guess you could say things got worse when his mom died."


    I nod, understanding the catastrophic consequences of losing a parent. It would


    be enough to make anyone go crazy. "Maybe you judge him too harshly."


    Nikki tilts her head, her eyebrows twitching as if she wants to frown.


    "I lost my dad. I kind of get how losing a parent would make you want to keep the entire world at arms length," I try to smile at the end of my sentence, but all I feel is the pull of the tears that build up at the back of the eyes, the sting in my nose as I hold back my emotions.


    Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. "Omygosh, I''m so sorry. I didn''t meant that he¡ªIt''s just, I''ve known him a long time and I never - I''m sorry."


    My smile trembles as I turn to her, "It''s okay. It''s better that you don''t know what it feels like to lose a parent."


    "I really am sorry. I didn''t mean to sound insensitive," She chews on her lip.


    I try to reassure her and smile, "It''s okay, truly. I know mean people and you don''t give me mean people vibes."


    She snorts at that.


    "Just maybe don''t talk about death like it couldn''t rip someone''s life apart."


    "I swear I won''t," She paints a cross on her heart with her fingers and Iugh at the child-like sincerity.


    "Do you have any ns this weekend?" She opens up a bag of chips, offering me


    one.


    I take a bite and shake my head. "No, I''ll probably spend it sulking at home."


    "There''s a party on Saturday. You shoulde with me."


    I begin to shake my head. I have never been the party kind, much less as the new


    girl.


    "Ohe on, please? If we''re not having a good time, we can leave early and you can stay over at my house. We''ll watch movies all night and eat ice cream."


    That sounds better than having to dodge my alcoholic mother.


    "Fine."


    She ps her hands, squealing. "Yay!"


    The bell rings and we both gather our things quickly.


    "I''ll see you in ss!" She waves at me as we walk in separate directions.


    Zaid isn''t in ss and though I should be rejoicing in that fact, I feel that little prick of disappointment in the pit of my stomach.


    Why? Why? Why?


    Zaid is an asshole and there really shouldn''t be a single reason why I want to see him.


    When that ss ends, I make my way to the bathroom, feeling the beginnings of a panic attack. I go all the way to the bathroom in the library, it''s the loneliest one from what I''ve seen so far and right now, that''s what I need.


    To be alone.


    I step into the bathroom, relieved to find it empty. The mirrors above the sink are broken, some of them painted on, but I find one clean enough to catch my reflection.


    My lips tremble and just looking at how tired my eyes are makes me want to cry.


    I wrap my hand on the counter, dropping my head as I catch my breath.


    Just as I feel the air leave my lungs, the door clicks open. I have to force down my grunt of disappointment. I ster a smile on my face to make it seem like I was just leaving.


    I lift my head and turn around,ing face to face with Sadie.


    She stand with her hip cocked and her arms over her chest as she chews on her gum. She''s wearing a short skirt, converse and tight t-shirt that does absolutely nothing to hide the perfect curves on her body.


    Talk about being envious.


    She has light blonde hair, almost white, and it''s straight, long and soft looking, all the way down to her waist.


    Though, she''s alone, I don''t doubt her friends are right outside the door, ready toe to her aid if she called for it.


    ¡°So, you''re Alina." She walks closer to me, sneering as she raises an eyebrow.


    I press my lips together, clenching my jaw, but I say nothing.


    "Aiden''s mine, you bitch. Stay away from him."

 Chapter 9

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    My heart hammers in my chest, that tinging in my ear increasing unil I swear I can''t hear.


    "I haven''t done anything," I whisper.


    She scoffs, "I saw you with him this morning. You let someone with girlfriend get that close to you?"


    "Shouldn''t you be more worried about the fact that he was so close to kissing me?" I can''t help the way I scoff at her.


    She stomps her foot and yells. "Bitch! He''s mine!"


    "You should be telling him that, not me."


    That only angers her more and I don''t move in time, partly from the fact that I am not expecting it at all. She ps me. Hard.


    My cheek stings and that crazy look in her eyes, in her pointed nose and arched eyebrows, intensifies. Her face turns red and her


    nostrils re.


    "Stay away from him."


    I hold my hand on my cheek and stand up straight. "Did you just p me?"


    She crosses her arms over her chest and lifts her chin. "Yes. And we''ll do so much more than that."


    We?


    She looks over her shoulder. "Will!"


    The door opens and a big dude walks in. He''s tall, not muscr, but he for sure has not skipped a meal ever in his entire life. His shoe size looks like the two of minebined.


    He looks me over and then turns to Sadie. "You''ll keep your end of the bargain?" She sneers. "Of course. Now, do it. I''m not staying to watch. I don''t like blood." My eyes widen and I step toward her. "Please."


    "Toote, bitch. You shouldn''t have made a move on my boyfriend."


    I shake my head. "I didn''t-"


    "Do not


    ot put this on him! Why would he go after you when he has me?" She wags her finger in my face and then gives Will a pointed look before spinning on her heel and leaving us alone.


    I look up to Will and shake my head, backing up from him. "You''re not actually going to hurt me, are you?"


    "Eh, I don''t want to, but I don''t necessarily have anything against hitting a woman."


    He takes a step forward, his fist flying toward me. I move fast enough to dodge it, but it makes me miss his other hand that grabs the front of my shirt. I scream as he throws me to the side.


    I hit the sink with the side of my face and I cry, shocked when blood gushes down from my nose. I wipe at it, relief flooding me when it doesnt hurt like it''s broken.


    He wraps his hand around my neck and lifts me up against the wall,


    "Will, please. Whatever she''s paying you, I''ll double it."


    His eyes take down my body and he lifts an eyebrow. "She promised the mides."


    My face contorts in disgust. "Gross."


    He smirks, now knowing that I won''t double her payment. His body massive and he covers my entire line of vision. All I can do is


    scream.


    The door ms open and Will moves too slowly. By the time he turn to look over his shoulder, his head is snapped back toward me from a punch that echoes in the room.


    He drops me and I slide down the wall to the ground, where I gasp for breath and look up to find Will on the floor and Zaid standing over him, raining punches on his face.


    Jace stands at the door, his eyes wide.


    "Stop, stop, stop!" Will cries, his arms flying to cover his face.


    I hold my hand to my nose, checking if the bleeding has stopped and I stiffen


    when Zaid freezes, his chest heaving, his nostrils ring.


    He steps back from Will, kicking him onest time in the gut before nodding his head toward Jace. "Leave. Now, before I fucking RN you, Will."


    Will cries, sniffling through his tears as he forces himself up, one of his eyes already swollen shut.


    I exhale in relief the moment he steps outside, but all that tension returns when Zaid''s attention goes directly to me. His dark eyes take me in, his nostrils ring even more and his knuckles cracking when he tightens his fists.


    I scoot back when he takes a long stride toward me, gasping when he wraps his arms around me and lifts me on the sink counter.


    Immediately, his fingers dance across the skin of my arms, my shoulders.


    "Zaid, stop."


    But he continues fussing. He looks me over, lifting my shirt to look at my torso, I push his hands away, pulling the hem down. He moves his attention to my face, tilting my head back as he looks at my nose.


    ¡°Zaid, I''m fine,¡± I grunt, twisting my face away from his hold.


    "It''s not broken," He mutters, eyes narrow while he studies the side of my


    face.


    "I know that," I reply, swallowing to stop the tears now that the adrenaline has left my system.


    His thumb caresses the side of my face and I hiss when pain.radiates across my skull. "You could have a concussion. You''ll definitely have a bruise"


    I nod, too ready to break out into a cry to speak.


    He leans his hands on the counter, on each side of my thighs and drops his head between his shoulders, "You want to get out of


    here?"


    I nod, feeling my tears roll down my face.


    Zaid says nothing, but he wipes my cheeks with his thumbs and the grabs my waist to lift me down from the counter. He takes my hand and doesn''t let go as he leads me through campus.


    He pays the security guard at the gate in cash and he lets us through to the parking lot.


    His car is small, ck, and clean, thest part I wasn''t expecting. It silently as he pulls away and cross my arms over my chest.


    "Thank you," I whisper.


    Zaid''s hand tightens around the steering wheel. "I don''t know what they were


    thinking. Will is three times your size. He could have killed you."


    "Maybe that''s what they wanted to do."


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 10

    He drives for a good 30 minutes and I look over at him nervously.


    "Um, where are we going?"


    "Just somewhere to eat, to talk."


    Food sounds good, but thest thing I want to do is talk to him.


    He parks at a little diner in the middle of nowhere and I can''t help but feel a bit off bnce for being here alone with him.


    The hostess recognizes him right away, smiling a bit sadly at him. "Zaid, it''s been a while since we''ve seen you. Do you want the usual booth?"


    Zaid nods, cing his hands in his pockets as he walks behind her to a booth in the corner. We sit and she ces the menus in front of us, smiling as she tells us that our waitress will be here in a few.


    The diner is big, but still somehow cozy, glowing in warm oranges and pinks. There''s a hum of conversation around us, the tter of dishes and yelling from the kitchen filling the air.


    "She knows you," I say as I peruse the menu, trying to start some type of conversation.


    "They all do." His voice is gruff and when I lift my head, I catch him looking out the window, his eyes sad, his jaw clenching.


    A waitress stops by our table and takes our order, leaving us alone again a few minutester.


    "Tell me about your brother," Zaid looks to me, his face serious. There''s no taunt in his voice, no teasing in his eyes. No one has ever asked me that so directly.


    My chest rises and falls. "Why?"


    He shrugs. "Soter, you can ask me about my mother."


    Heat spreads through my chest and I see that pain, that vulnerability in the way he sits. His throat constricts as he swallows.


    "No one asks me about her. No one wants to talk about her. I feel like I feel like I''m the only one that remembers her."


    Tears prick my eyes and I don''t try to stop them. I let them roll down my cheeks, I let them drip down my chin and I inhale. "Alex was the golden boy. Of my family. Of our school. Everyone loved him. He was-"


    "Who was he to you?"


    Shock spreads through my veins and I am left speechless by the kindness of his question. The waitress breaks the moment, setting our food down in front of us. Neither of us pay her much attention, wanting her to leave so we can continue our conversation.


    I pick at my fries, trying to gain the courage to say what I have only ever thought


    in my head. "He was my best friend. We were inseparable, really."


    Zaid listens without attempting to interrupt, even when I take a break to stop my chin from trembling so much.


    "I used to say that he knew me better than I knew myself. I almost feel like


    like a part of my soul was taken from me. You know?"


    look to him for confirmation but Zaid says nothing, he doesn''t even move. His eyes just drink me in, they move across my face, taking in every inch of my expression.


    "I don''t feel like myself anymore. I don''t I don''t know if capable feeling things anymore. He was so happy all the time, and now I never feel happy. I''m scared I never will again. When we were young we would sneak out of our rooms and fall asleep together in the hallway-"


    Myugh breaks into a cry and I cover my mouth so quiet the noise.


    I am so distracted that I don''t notice Zaid standing from his side of the booth. I just feel him when he sits beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and bringing me in close to his chest.


    I let him hold me.


    Zaid, of all people.


    I let Zaid hold me and I cry into him long enough for me to regain myposure.


    I swear I feel him press a kiss to my forehead. I pull away and wipe my eyes. "I''m sorry."


    He shakes his head, and when I look up to him, he''s studying the bruise on the side of my face. Anger reignites in his eyes, but he keeps his voice low. "Are you okay?"


    I don''t even mind the change in topic, I appreciate it. He knows what he''s doing and I take his offer of help, his offer of distraction. "Yeah, I''m fine. I think I might still be a bit shaken up, but I feel better."


    He slowly slides his arm from my shoulder but he doesn''t move back to his seat. "Do you want to talk about it?"


    I shake my head, watching him as he pulls his te from the other side of the table.


    "Why was Will even in there with you?"


    "Sadie," I blurt without thinking, still sniffling from crying.


    Zaid tenses beside me, tilting his head to look at my face head on. "Sadie?"


    I cringe, knowing my mistake. "Yeah."


    "And what does she have against you?"


    I shrug. "I guess she got jealous."


    Zaid inhales slowly. "Why?"


    "Becasue of Aiden."


    His expression darkens and he leans closer to me. "Alina."


    "Can we just forget this part of the conversation?"


    "What does Aiden have to do with this?"


    I take a deep breath, thinking about my words before I speak them.


    His jaw clenches.


    We


    we almost kissed?"


    She saw us."


    "Did Aiden almost kiss you, or did you almost kiss him?"


    I shrink into myself. I don''t know why I feel weird talking to him about this, feel


    guilty admitting it to him. "Both?"


    "Do you gave feelings for him?"


    I snap my gaze to him. "Feelings? I don''t even know him."


    My heart skips a beat when he res at me and says nothing.


    "I... I don''t know."


    "You''re lying."


    I exhale, struggling for words. "It''s more


    It''s more like just a little crush. It''s not even-"


    He stands abruptly, tossing a few bills onto the table. "Enjoy the food."


    My mouth drops as I watch him storm away. I look out the window, in shock, to


    see him get in his car and drive away. Leaving me here alone.


    My appetite disappears, and I am too ashamed to call for waitress. I make sure


    the money he left is enough and then step outside, only to be greeted by a sudden downpour of rain.


    I scoff, wanting to scream in frustration.


    I don''t even really know how to get home, but I have my phone and need the walk


    to clear my head. To process everything - Zaid, Aiden, Sadie and almost dying in the school bathroom.


    It''s going to be a long walk, but it might be beneficial.


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 Chapter 11

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    The rain is relentless, each drop fatter than the one before.


    The water is at least warm, the smell of dirt wafting around me. No of that isforting though as I walk down the mostly empty road. Only a few cars have zoomed past me, none of them paying many mind.


    The diner is now behind me, having walked about 15 minutes but ill have a dreaded walk ahead of me to get home. I have had enough time to process my thoughts, but still I don''t reach into my pocket to call an Uber.


    Fucking Zaid.


    It''s my dumbass fault for trusting him.


    He''s not the good kind that you can sit with and open up to and expect him to have an appropriate emotional reaction.


    My mind races with anger and frustration as I wrap my arms around my waist, my shirt now soaked through and my hair dripping


    wet.


    He left me! He just left me!


    I don''t know what I expected from him. The few sweet moments we did share were overpowered by the dumbass shit he always ended up doing.


    I shake my head, biting down on my tongue.


    I don''t even know my way around here, and I''m going to end up on the news tomorrow morning.


    Body found on the side of the road.


    I scream, covering my face with my hands. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I''m so stupid.


    The road stretches out before me and my nostrils re with both panic and full on rage. There''s not a single building in sight, just how far away am I from Melview?


    My shoes begin to squelch with every step but the rain lightens up, the clouds shifting as the sun shines bright again.


    Perfect. Wet and hot, that just feels lovely.


    I hear a car behind me, tired against wet road. I don''t look.


    Tears prick the back of my eyes and I jump when the car stop beside me, honking. I look over with a frown, and the window rolls


    down.


    A man, with a baseball cap and a short, trimmed beard smiles at me, concern shing in his dark eyes. "Need a ride?"


    I raise and eyebrow and scoff. "No."


    His jaw drops as if he''s surprised with my response. "I promise I just want to give you a ride. It''s getting dark soon, you shouldn''t be out walking alone like this."


    I chew on the inside of my cheeks.


    ''I have kids your age, I''m just watching out for you."


    My mind still shes through every bad thing that could happen if get in the car with a stranger, but something in his eyes tells me he''s being honest, I am miles from home, I''m soaked, and the thought of walking the rest of the way has me wanting to cry.


    "I just want to help," He adds, smiling softly.


    Reluctantly, I nod and walk around the front of his car. I hear the click of him unlocking the door and I slide into the passenger seat, not even looking at him. I snap my seatbelt into ce and cross my arms on my chest.


    "Where to?" He starts driving forward.


    "Melview."


    His eyebrows lift, but he says nothing.


    I shift, watching him from my peripherals. For an older man, he''s handsome. Dark eyes, tan skin, strong hands that flex as he drives. There''s almost something familiar about him, I don''t know what, but it makes me rx just a bit.


    I take note that he doesn''t wear a ring and that just increases the tension in the air. I wonder if he can feel it


    "Thanks," I whisper, trying to dig myself out of my thoughts.


    "No problem," he replies, his tone gentle. "I''m Jake, by the way."


    I nce out the window, twisting my fingers together.


    "Not giving me your name,


    huh?"


    I look back to him and shake my head..


    He smiles. "Smart."


    There''s a twinkle in his eyes and it immediately has me sitting straighter. He draws me in with the yful way he speaks to me, and it somehow feels different to be looked at so intently by him.


    We drive in silence for a few minutes, and the nerves get the best of me. I tremble, going over and over in my head what happened to me earlier today.


    I don''t miss the way Jake''s eyes shift over to me from time to time, the way his eyes take in my legs, the way they focus on my thighs. When I turn my head to face him fully, he''s looking directly at me.


    He doesn''t look away in shame.


    No, he drinks me in, his eyes slowly raking up my legs and to my breasts. He flicks them to my eyes for a second and he turns his attention back to the road. He leans further back into his seat and ces his elbow on the door, digging his fingers into his chin.


    "Your shirt is soaked through," He grumbles.


    I look down, noticing my ckcey bra clearly through my white t-shirt. I only purse my lips and look away, not attempting to hide at this point.


    Jake grunts, and readjusts his hand on the wheel. "So, why were you trying to walk all the way to Melview on your own?"


    For some reason, he makes me want to open up. He''s a stranger, someone I will never have to see again and the thought alone isforting enough.


    "I was with a friend and we fought, so he left me," I whisper, swallowing the lump


    in my throat.


    "Friend?"


    I turn to him and frown, knowing the intention behind his question. Yes. Friend." "What an asshole move."


    I roll my eyes, "That''s one way to describe him."


    "What did you guys argue over?"


    Frustration spreads through me and I huff, throwing my head back. Honestly, I


    don''t know. He saved me earlier and then he blew up on me."


    He shifts, gripping the steering wheel with two hands as we approach sharp curve. "Saved you?"


    "It''s stupid," I shake my head.


    "I can do stupid, we have time to kill."


    "Well, there''s this guy I''ve been talking to, but I didn''t know he had a girlfriend."


    He hisses, "Tough."


    "She wasn''t all to happy when she found out we were hanging out," I clear my throat, for some reason trying to avoid the words high school in the conversation. It''s dumb, wanting to appear older in front of him, more mature, but Ick the experience and the knowledge to be able to keep up with the pretense.


    I''m also too embarrassed to say that we almost kissed. Why would he care? "Anyway," I huff. "She cornered me and had one of her friends beat me up-" "What the fuck?"


    "Yeah, but my friend showed up. Saved me."


    "Well at least-"


    The car swerves, a loud pop sounding right outside the car.


    I scream bloody murder, holding onto the door as he attempts to straighten the


    car on the road.

 Chapter 12

    I can''t breathe, my eyes are shut and my entire body is trembling.


    "Hey"


    I hardly register his voice. I shake my head, trying to calm my breath when he


    ces a warm hand on my thigh. He traces circles into my skin.


    "Hey."


    I turn to face him, my eyes wide.


    "It''s just a t tire," he whispers, his dark eyes etched with concern.


    I let go of the door handle that I had been holding and flex my fingers. When I look out the windshield, I notice that we are on the shoulder, safe.


    "Are you okay?"


    I shake my head and the dam breaks. His eyes widen and he gets out of the car, rounding the front toe to my door. He opens it and kneels beside me.


    "Hey."


    I calm my crying and whisper to myself that I''m okay and that everything is okay. I feel him reach around me, feel him unbuckle my seatbelt. He grabs my waist with one hand a thigh with the other and turns me to face him, his hand cupping my cheek.


    "Are you okay?"


    I nod. "I''m sorry."


    "Don''t be."


    "I was in an ident," I say, I don''t know why, but I do, my voice trembling. "With my father and brother. They didn''t make it out alive."


    His face drops like he knows the terror I''m talking about, like he knows the pain I''m living through. It makes me feel so seen, so understood. So...safe.


    "Cars alone make me nervous, I just


    I''m sorry, I didn''t mean to freak out."


    He shakes his head. "You don''t have to apologize to me."


    He tightens his hold on my waist. "I have to change the tire okay, and then we''ll be on our way."


    I swallow and nod, watching as he reluctantly lets me go with a squeeze on my thigh. He opens the trunk, pulling out a spare tire and the necessary tools. The rain is no lo


    nger falling, except for the random raindrop here and there.


    The muscles in his arm flex as he works, his neck straining as he grunts when he


    has to exert more force. I inhale, shaking my head.


    I should be disgusted for checking out someone who looks twice my age.


    But I''m not, because he looks good.


    Not to mention that he certainly looks experienced in many areas in life. I bet being loved by someone like him would feel a hell of a lot better than by some hormone raging dude.


    I don''t know what''s going on with me, if it''s my brush with death that suddenly made me realize that I am going to die a virgin o the face that Alden has a girlfriend and I probably could not have pulled someone like him anyway.


    It all as me feeling numb. It all makes me want to feel something.


    Jake looks over at me, smirking. I look away, my cheeks burning. He caught me practically devouring him with my eyes, but all he does is chuckle deep and low in his throat,


    "So you want to finish your story?" He grunts, taking off the torn th


    "There''s not much to tell, really," I frown as I look to the ground, the dam has been broken and I''m much more open than I''d be on a normal day.


    Zaid messed me up with asking about my brother.


    Jake here saw me literally panic and sob until snot


    fell from


    my


    nose


    <


    ¥È


    I would never see him again, I figure if there is someone for me to unload my


    mess on, what better option than a stranger?


    "I think I''m just broken," I whisper.


    Jake pauses and looks over to me, "What makes you say that?"


    "I killed my dad and my brother." The words sting me. The literally choke the air


    out of me, but they feel like the truth. I''m a bad omen, might as well have death tattooed across my forehead.


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 Chapter 13

    "Don''t say that," He stands, rubbing his hands together to clean them.


    I shrug, "My mother thinks differently."


    "Don''t tell me she mes you?"


    "Oh, she does."


    "What a cunt."


    I snort, having never heard someone use that word in real life. "You nid it, not me."


    He smiles, deep lines in his cheeks let me know he''s lived a full life, happy one. Fuck. I want that. I want that so bad. What will it take for me to feel alive one more time?


    "I thought moving here would mean that I would finally get to live my life, you know?"


    He cocks his head, listening.


    "I mean how embarrassing is it that I''ve never been kissed before?"


    His eyes widen and his eyes travel down my body once before he lifts them back up to my eyes. The air heats, rising as if hemands it with the intensity from his gaze. I swallow and keep going, ignoring the little voice in my head that tells me I should shut up.


    "Not to mention that I haven''t run into anyone else who''s a virgin, and it''s incredibly humiliating to not have anything to add to the conversation when all the girls get together to talk." Ites out of me like hot garbage and I can''t stop it. He coughs, red painting his cheeks.


    "You know they all sit around and talk about their boyfriend''s dick size?" It just keepsing out of my mouth.


    He coughs even louder.


    "And I just sit in the corner in silence, because newssh, I''ve never even touched one before!¡± I''m out of the car and pacing by this point and Jake shuts his eyes tight, cussing under his breath.


    He turns away from me, leaning onto the frame of his car as he bites into his knuckles. "You''re testing me, girl."


    Panic surges through me and I press my palms to my eyes. "Oh fuck, I just word vomited. You can just leave me here. Honestly. I wouldn''t me you if you just drove away."


    Heughs this time, his shoulders shaking. "Wouldn''t do that to you.


    "Really?"


    "Really. Honestly, I can''t believe you''ve never been," He stops, his eyes looking down my body again. "Fuck. I can''t say this shit to you."


    My stomach clenches and I step toward him. He doesn''t step away, his eyes locked on mine. "Say it anyway."^


    His nostrils re. "Let''s just say, if I was your age, I''d be begging to fuck -" He inhales, steadying himself. "To fuck you."


    I gasp, heat igniting in my stomach. It builds up like a coil, tension between us tight and dense. He''s a stranger, someone I would never have to see again. Not at school, not ever..


    When people ask, I can just say it''s someone from Florida. I want to know what it feels like, I want to know why everyone talks about it like it''s the best thing in the world.


    "You don''t have to beg," I whisper.


    His eyes widen and he takes a step back. "No."


    "Jake," I whisper, reaching for him.


    He doesn''t give me a chance, though. He grabs me first, his hand burying itself in


    my hair. His fingers grip the back of my head and he tilts my head back.


    I whimper, both from the pain and the extreme surge of adrenaline that pushes through me.


    "Fuck," He grunts, pressing me into the car as he spreads my legs with his thigh.


    I grab onto his shoulders, my eyes lowering to his mouth. He snarls, moving quick. The moment his lips meet mine, that slow ache that has been building in my stomach explodes into nothing but need.


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 Chapter 14

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    I don''t know what I''m doing.


    But it doesn''t really matter because Jake takes control. He forces his tongue through my lips and the moment it touches mine, I whimper into his mouth.


    He replies with a moan, with the tightening of his fingers on my scalp.


    His other hand reaches up through my shirt and he grips my waist,lling me up against him until there is nothing but clothes separating our bodies.


    My stomach coils, and that familiar spark ignites between my legs. My body goes haywire, my brain not knowing what to focus on.


    His tongue in my mouth feels both firm and soft. It moves with calcted swipes and I try to keep up with my own.


    His fingers burn into my skin and I want him to touch me everywhere.


    He pulls back, cing a chaste kiss on my lips. "Fuck."


    I try to catch my breath, but he still holds me so close to him, my forehead against his.


    "Fuck," He growls louder.


    "Why''d you stop?" I don''t want him to, I don''t want him to leave me with this ache inside me.


    He grips my shoulders, pushing me away from him as he lifts his head to look right into my eyes. "You sure you''ve never been


    kissed before?"


    I shake my head and his attention dives right back to my lips. He blinks a few times and lets me go, cing his hands behind his neck as he paces in front of


    me.


    "Jake?"


    He shakes his head. "I could get fucking arrested for this."


    I press my hand to my chest. "I''m 18.¡±


    "Fuck, don''t tell me that."


    Worry creases his forehead, the sides of his eyes wrinkling as he shuts them tight


    and throws his head back. I can feel my heartbeat against my hand. I feel


    helpless, a new panic tightening my throat, I don''t want him to stop.


    "You should be doing this with someone your age."


    I shake my head. ¡°No, I¡ªI want this with you."


    His eyes widen, scoffing. "Me? You want this with me? You don''t even know me.


    I''m just an old man that picked you, up on the side


    of the road."


    I shrug, smirking, "You don''t look that old, if that helps."


    He shakes his head, holding back hisugh.


    I rub my hand up and down my arm, peering up at him. "I just, you made me feel safe.


    He frowns, tilting his head.


    "With the tire? When I freaked out? Youforted me my age wouldn''t care about that."


    without judgg


    1. me. You made me feel safe. You would take care of me, guys


    His nostrils re and he steps close to me, his chest heaving, his body hot. "I''d


    My body turns hot in response to his and I nod frantically, "Yes. I know."


    do


    more than take care of you."


    His jaw clenches, but he moves, pressing his body into mine as he works the zipper of my shorts, his hand sliding down until his fingers stroke through my lips.


    I gasp, bucking toward him.


    "Has anyone ever touched you here?" His chest rumbles as he speaks


    I shake my head and whimper, gripping his wrist to bnce myself from the electric fire that burns through me. He presses a kiss to my forehead, looking over the roof of the car as if making sure no one is around us.


    He rubs me harder and I shift, trying to grind my hips on his hand.


    He growls when I moan into his neck. He smells so good and I can''t stop myself


    from reaching up down the column of his neck.


    and peppering kisses up and


    I squeal when he grips the back of my head, pulling it back to kiss me hard and hungry.


    He pulls away, struggling to catch his breath and my eyes widen when I lower them, looking at the bulge seated in his pants. He covers it with his hand, pulling at it to adjust it. "Are you sure this is what you want?"


    "Yes, please, I just want to feel good for once," I whisper, feeling myself turn wet between my legs.


    His eyes rake over me and they turn impossibly dark."Get in the back of the car."


    I exhale and reach for the door, crawling across the seats until I can lean my back against the other door.


    Jake hovers over me, mming the door behind him. He looks down at me, and it makes me feel incredibly small, that only pumps more adrenaline through me. Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 15

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    My knees are pressed together, and I pull my lip in between my teet Jake watches me, his eyes not moving from mine as he takes off his hat and reaches for the waistband of my shorts.


    He pulls them down, struggling a bit to get them over the hump of iny ass, it makes him smile, his nostrils ring. He takes my panties next and when he gets them to my ankles, I press my knees Joser together.


    There''s a softness in his eyes now and he leans closer, kissing my kies. "We can stop if you want."


    I shake my head, swallowing the lump in my throat.


    He exhales. "Then I''m going to need you to open up those legs for nie, baby."


    Excitement spreads through me. My nostrils re and I gather my courage, slowly parting my legs. He helps, gripping the back of my knees to spread them further.


    His eyes takes me in, his gaze not moving. He moves slowly, determined, calcted. He lowers his hand and I gasp when he makes contact with my lips, he spreads me apart.


    "Fuck," He hisses under his breath, running a finger down and back up.


    I whimper, looking down to watch as he ys with me.


    "Have you ever been eaten?"


    My eyes widen. He speaks so directly and I wasn''t expecting that. "No."


    He closes his eyes tightly and inhales slowly through his nostrils. "This is thest time I''m asking you."


    I look at him, breathing hard, my insides pulsing.


    "Do you want me to stop?"


    I grab at his arms, digging my nails into his skin. "No. Please, no."


    He dives down, sinking his mouth between my legs and I cry out when his tongue presses into me. My hands find his head and I hold onto his hair, his arms wrapping around my thighs.


    He breathes into me, his tongue swirling in small, hard circles around my clit. He sucks me and licks me, worsening that coiling. ache between my legs. I hear him shift, hear the unzipping of his pants and his body shakes.


    I look down at him, watching him as he jerks off while keeping his mouth on me. The sight ignites even more pressure within me and I cry out again.


    Jake pulls back, leaving my pussy only to rece his tongue with his thumb on my clit. My back arches and I try with all my might to get closer to him.


    Fuck, I didn''t know it could feel like this, feel this good. My hand is nothingpared to his, my touch so weak.


    His eyes lift and he watches me as I squirm beneath him. "You like this?"


    His thumb feels amazing, but that tongue of his. "Please."


    His jaw clenches.


    "Do it again, please."


    His chest heaves. "What do you want?"


    "Your tongue. Please."


    "Where do you want it?"


    I feel like crying, I feel like breaking. My body trembles, my inside curling. I shake


    my head, not able to form the words from embarrassment. The pressure between my legs builds up into an acute, and beautiful pain.


    "Jake, "I whisper, pleading.


    "Where do you want it, baby?"


    "I-," I struggle, my cheeks heating. "I want your tongue on my pussy


    "Good girl," He dips down again, nibbling and swirling his tongue between my legs.


    "Yes, yes, yes,¡± I pant, my legs opening wider. I have to ce one on top of the back of the seats, while the other pushes off the back of the passenger seat.


    My breath turns shallow, my legs trembling.


    He presses his tongue against my clit at the same moment he presses a finger


    inside me. It stings, it stretches me, but fuck does it feel good.


    I suck in a breath, my body tensing and then, everything around me falls.


    I scream, grabbing onto his hair as he continues to lick me. It rattles through me,


    my body convulsing, my vision blurring.


    "Jake," I whimper, my hips rocking into his mouth.


    He hums, finally pulling away to press soft kisses to the inside of my thigh.


    I try to catch my breath, my chest heaving as he sits up, still pumping his cock. I


    look at him, my breath catching in my throat, as I wonder how it will fit if I hurt from his finger alone.


    Jake watches me, stroking himself. "I''ll take care of you, baby. Make sure you''re ready.


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 Chapter 16

    He presses the tip of his finger inside ine.


    He pulls it out and I moan, wanting it back.


    Jake smirks, reaching for the hem of his shirt. He looks the window behind me, watching a car pass us by as he pulls it up over his


    head.


    My mouth waters and I follow him, taking off my shirt until I am only left with mycey ck bra. I reach behind me to snap it off. but Jake stops me with his hand on my wrist.


    His eyes are on my chest and he shakes his head, "Leave it.


    on."


    I do, not questioning him as I lower my hands to the seat. He reaches for me, lowering my bra enough so that my nipples peak out, and they sit on top of the cups.


    Jake groans in his throat, his thumb rubbing over the peaks of nipples.


    I hiss, arching my back to get more of his touch, my skin breaking out into waves


    of goosebumps.


    "You''re killing me, baby."


    "Alina," I whisper all too fast.


    His eyes to go to mine, and they soften just a tad. "Alina."


    I exhale, my stomach coiling again, my pussy getting wetter.


    He moves his finger between my lips and pushes it back inside me, this time deeper. My breath quickens and I tense but he presses


    a hand on my stomach.


    "Rx, Alina."


    I feel myself flutter around his finger and he leans toward me, kissing me as he presses his finger in deeper. My hips shoot of the seat, but he forces me back down.


    He dips his finger in and out and I get used to it, my breathing calming, but that ache in my stomach increases again. He pulls away from my lips, keeping one between his teeth.


    He locks his eyes on mine and introduces a second finger inside me. grip his biceps and cry out when I feel the sting. I stretch out


    further.


    Jake moans, "You''re so tight, baby."


    I nod and he continues to work me, stretching me until his two fingers only slightly burn. When he canfortably move them both, he pulls them outpletely. He keeps his eyes on me, but reaches into the center console, pulling out a condom.


    My heart drops into my stomach as I watch him tear it open with his teeth. "Do you have to wear it?"


    His eyes widen and he looks back down at my pussy. "Yes."


    I groan. "Really?"


    He runs a hand down his face. "I won''t be able to pull out."


    That''s kind of the point. "It''s Skay."


    He begins to shake his head but I take the condom from his hand and let it fall the ground.


    "I want to feel it all."


    He throws his head back and groans again.


    "I''m on the pill, it''s okay."


    He brings his head back to me and kisses me, hard and deep, his hard on the back of my neck. My hands go to him, and I explore every inch of his chest and his abs, every muscle and every inch of skin.


    I hang onto his jeans, pushing them down his thighs until they''re low enough for him to move. The moment I can, I wrap my hand around him, feeling his girth.


    It scares me, it''s way thicker than his two fingers but somehow that only sets my stomach on fire.


    "Fuck," He mutters, thrusting into my hand.


    I tighten my hand around him.


    "Can you spread your legs more, baby?"


    I want to please him so I do, I stretch them more than I thought I was capable of.


    He moves back slightly, watching me as he grips the back of the front seat with one hand and my hip with the other.


    He lifts his eyes to mine. "This is going to hurt, but just at the beginning." Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 17

    I nod. I know, I''ve heard my friends talk about it for years.


    His cock crowns my entrance and I dig my nails into his arms. Fuck. That hurts. It stings.


    "Fuck, Alina," He moans, closing his eyes. "You''re so hot. Tight."


    He speaks through is teeth and I know he''s holding back, I know he struggling. My legs tremble and I breath in through my nose and out through my mouth.


    He slides out, and looks down at me, there''s a sh of hesitation in his eyes but it vanishes. He moves his hands, gripping my thighs instead and then he thrusts, hard and fast until he is all the way inside.


    I swallow my scream, squeezing my eyes shut as I shake my head from the pain.


    "Good girl," Jake kisses my forehead, rubbing circles into my thigh as I take my time to adjust.


    The moment my breathing calms, I open my eyes and Jake takes that as his chance, he moves. He thrusts, sliding his cock in and out of me. My legs fall even more open, I want to take him all, feel him all.


    Heat pulses through me.


    You like that?"


    I nod. grabbing his hips to get him to go faster. "Yes. Yes. It feels so good. Don''t stop."


    The nerves in my body turn to fire and I pant beneath him, reaching my hands up to his chest. I feel my entire body begin to contract, my skin boils and I lift my head, taking his lips into mine.


    He moans into me, quickening his pace and I take it all.


    I take his thrusts, take his pace, take it even as it burns every time he ms into me, take it all even as he bites down on my lips, take it all even as my scalp burns when he pulls my head back.


    Blood rushes through me and I break apart. I let out a cry, pulling my lips from him as my back arches. I convulse around his cock, ''making my orgasm harder and stronger than the first. He keeps thrusting into me, and I continue to take it even as my orgasm crests into something painful.


    He gowls against my lips and I feel his hot cum inside me. I lift my legs, wrapping them around his waist so that I can feel him all.


    He pants into the skin of my neck, holding me close, kissing me everywhere he can. "I don''t remember thest time it felt this good, holy shit."


    I chuckle, from relief really. I was afraid he would hate it with me, a charity case practically. He begins to pull away but I wrap my arms around his neck and shake my head. "Please. I don''t want to go"


    He only drops his head between his shoulders and stays there to catch his breath.


    I run my fingers through his hair, my skin prickling from how soft it feels. "Can we do it again?"


    He groans, and thenughs. When he lifts his head to see that I am not kidding he cocks his head. "Give me a few minutes."


    I smile at him, and I do give him a few.


    And he does fuck me again.


    It stings from how sore I am, but that doesn''t make my orgasm feel any less good.


    We dress, covered in sweat and he drives me back home, one hand on the steering wheel and the other inside my shorts and between my legs as he coaxes three more orgasms from me just by bbing my clit.


    I''m delirious by the time he drops me off in my driveway.


    We promise each other to never seek the other out. That this is a one time thing.


    A one time thing.


    Chapter Comments


    Visitor


    Why do I feel like he is Zaid''s dad?


    Suzie Cue


    i dont care whose dad he is. They can all get it LOL


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    55


    22

 Chapter 18

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    I find Nikki at lunch the next day, not having seen Aiden nor Zaid a day yet.


    Not that I care. Well, about Aiden a little, but only if he apologizes


    me about Sadie.


    Zaid, on the other hand? Zaid can go fuck himself.


    "I didn''t see you in ss yesterday, did you go home?" Nikki takes a bite of her pizza, frowning at me.


    I nod, pressing my lips together. "Kinda."


    She narrows her eyes. "Something''s different about you."


    I blush, I know I look different because I can feel it. I clench my teeth together and


    tell her everything. Every little thing, every little detail.


    Well, except for the fact that I am extremely sore and I''ve felt Jake''s phantom cock inside me all nightst night and all day today.


    I also do not tell her about the fact that I thought about him all nightst night and


    had to rub myself through a wildly unsatisfactory orgasm.


    I tell her about Zaid, except for the conversation about my brother.


    I tell her about Will and Sadie.


    She leans, her jaw dropping open a bit more as I talk. Her eyes immediately go to the side of my face where I tried to cover my bruise with fuck-ton of make up. I finish, looking at her to see if I''ve lost my mind.


    "Wait, wait, wait," She shakes her head, pressing her fingers to her temples. "We have to like talk about this in chunks because this


    is too much."


    I chuckle, relieved that she''s not judging me just yet.


    "First of all, girl! You slept with a random man that picked you up on the side of the road?"


    I grimace and nod.


    "What the hell were you thinking?"


    "I wasn''t, really."


    "Clearly! Do you know what could have happened to you? He could have taken you." She ils her arms, her face turning a slight


    pink.


    "But he didn''t." It''s weird to exin how a stranger can make you feel safe, wanted and free all at the same time.


    "He could''ve killed you!"


    "But he didn''t." I sigh, chuckling at her.


    "Oh my god, Alina."


    "I know, okay? But I was desperate." I don''t regret anything, but I can see how it looks like I lost my mind.


    "Okay, I''m still a virgin, and yeah it can be embarrassing but you don''t see me gging down cars to do it."


    My jaw drops at that, but I refuse to let her make me feel bad for something I enjoyed. "That''s not even what happened, and that''s not the desperate that I''m talking about."


    "Then, what?"


    "Ever since my brother and father died...I feel like I''m drowning. And not because I''m overwhelmed, it''s because I don''t feel anything half the time." My nostrils re and I can feel the beginnings of my lips trembling. Fuck, I can''t talk about them without losing it.


    Her shoulders drop and she nods, telling me she''s listening.


    "I just wanted, for once, to feel something again. Tough. To feel alive. Most of


    the time, I''m walking around like a zombie and I just... I just wanted to feel something."


    "I guess I can understand that.¡±


    "He was nice." I shrug.


    "You promise?"


    "Yes."


    "Okay."


    Silence follows and she sets her pizza on her te, rubbing her hands together


    to get


    rid of


    any


    crumbs.


    She turns to me slowly, pressing her lips together before she smack them. "So, was it good?"


    I bark augh. "Yeah, it was good, really good. I didn''t know it could feel like that. I mean I remember my friends talking about losing their virginity and they all talked about how painful it was and ufortable. Which, yeah, it hurt. But then he made it feel really good."


    "That''s because he''s experienced." She shakes her shoulders and wags her fingers like she''s giving me a lesson.


    "Exactly."


    "So you don''t regret it?"


    "Not one bit." I really don''t The only regret I have is that we agreed to not see each other again. I don''t tell her that, though, afraid she will go off on another one of her lectures.


    She sighs. "Okay, good. Sorry for freaking out a little. I just want to make sure you''re okay."


    "It''s fine, I get it, as long as you don''t think differently about me."


    "No, I don''t." She smiles sweetly at me.


    "Good."


    We sit infortable silence again, the both of us eating.


    Nikki gasps out of nowhere, pping her hands on her mouth. "Wait. We also


    need to talk about the fact that Zaid is in love with you!"


    I choke on my water and cough


    it all out on the grass. "What the fuck are you talking about?"


    She bumps me in the shoulder with her fist. "Come on. He saves you from Will?"


    "He would have done that for anyone."


    Sheughs. "Um, no he wouldn''t. I''m 100% sure he would have let me get beat


    up into a pulp. But that''s not even it, I mean he got jealous when you told him that you have a crush on Aiden!"


    "No." My heart hammers in my chest and my cheeks turn hot.


    "Alina, you can''t be that oblivious."


    "I''m not, it''s just that he''s Zaid. That doesn''t make any sense. He... think he hates me."


    "There''s a fine line between love and hate, Alina."


    "Oh, shut up with that."


    Weugh together and then the bell rings.


    Nikki shoves her hand toward me. "Hey give me your phone so I can give you my number."


    hand it over to her and she texts herself.


    "I have to leave early today because I have a doctor''s appointment, so I''ll call you


    tomorrow, okay? We''ll coordinate so I can pick you up for the party."


    "Alright, sounds good. I''ll talk to you tomorrow then.¡±


    Chapter Comments


    Michelle Robbins


    POST COMMENT


    it should be reversed Aiden has a girlfriend therefore off limits and Zaid was


    jealous of Aiden he cares


    Tania Ferro-Reinert


    this is going to be a really book, or just really bad and just smut


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    < SHARE

 Chapter 19

    It''s 7pm on Saturday, and Nikki and I are getting ready together at her house to head to the party she invited me to.


    I''m wearing shorts and a crop top, which is all I was nning on wearing to the party. She, on the other hand, has other ideas.


    "Nikki," I gasp, my jaw dropping open.


    Sheughs, "Come on, try it on."


    "I am not wearing that, my ass is going to be sticking out."


    She shrugs, "That''s kind of the point."


    "No!"


    "Aiden is going to be at the party." She wiggles her eyebrows and I roll my eyes.


    Still, that makes my heart beat fast. I touched myselfst night thinking about Jake, and again it was not the same. I need something more.


    I like Aiden, if things move forward with him, I would be happy.


    "You need to show him what he''s missing."


    2


    She throws the flimsy dress on the bed in front of me and I grab it, raising my eyebrows. "I am not wearing this."


    "It was worth a try."


    I shake my head. "Besides, if Aiden doesn''t like me like this then I don''t want him."


    "Oh, look at you with all that self-confidence or whatever."


    I bit on my lips and I shake my head.


    "It''s because you popped your cherry, isn''t it?"


    i roll my eyes andugh, ignoring just how true that is for me. Not only do I feel like he introduced me to a new part of myself, but it''s incredibly encouraging to be able to make a man lose himself in pleasure.


    I change the conversation. "Who''s party is this anyway?"


    She sits on the bed with me. "His name is Parker, he''s on the basketball team with Aiden and we sometimes get together to make


    out in his car."


    "Look at you, making moves." I tease her, throwing the dress at her. "You should wear it, then. Get your own cherry popped."


    She groans, covering her face with her hands. "He told me he wants me to sleep with him."


    Intrigued, I raise an eyebrow. "Do you want to sleep with him?"


    "Yeah, I think so."


    30 minutester, we pull up to a neighborhood and Nikki parks her or on the side


    of the street. "We have to walk a bit, I don''t want to park too close so we can


    leave whenever we want to and not get blocked in."


    The house we walk up to is enormous. "Is he like, rich rich?"


    Nikkiughs. "Yeah, his dad is like some hotshot exec. Don''t ask me for what, though. I don''t know-"


    She stops talking and squeals, running up to a tall guy with dark had put up in a bun. He smiles wide when he sees and her and catches her when she jumps into his arms. They kiss and it makes me smile, Nikki beaming up at him as he puts her down.


    From where I''m standing this looks like more than just a guy she asionally makes out with.


    She turns to me, throwing her arm toward me. "Parker, this is Alina. Alina, this is Parker."


    "Hey,¡± He nods toward me, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Mi casa es su casa. There''s drinks in the kitchen. And the fridge is all for grabs, but only for you guys. Don''t tell anyone else."


    He winks and I smile. "Thank you. It''s nice to meet you."


    He doesn''t say anything else, getting called over by some friends. Nikki doesn''t follow him, staying with me as we head to the kitchen as we look for something to drink and snack on.


    There are people lingering around everywhere, and music is ying, though not loudly. For the most part, it''s pretty chill.


    I can smell the alcohol and I grimace, Nikki raising an eyebrow when I decline the shot she swings my way.


    "You don''t drink?"


    I shake my head. "My mother kind of turned into an alcoholic." "Oh," She throws her shot into the sink. "I''ll stay sober with you."


    "You don''t have to."


    "It''s fine, it tastes disgusting anyway. Want some soda instead?¡±


    I nod and we dig through the fridge, I find a Sprite for myself and Nikki takes a Dr. Pepper. We climb on top of the kitchen counters, sitting there as we talk, finding a bag of Doritos to dig into.


    "Alina?"


    I turn, my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach. "Aiden?"


    His shoulders sag in relief, and he makes his way toward me. "I''m so fucking


    sorry."

 Chapter 20

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    Nikki looks between us awkwardly. "Do you want me to leave you alone to falk?¡±


    I nod. "Thank you."


    "No problem," She takes her soda and the bag of chips, scooting off the counter to make her way to the living room where Parker had disappeared to.


    Aiden steps closer to me, leaning on the counter as he gets a good look at the side of my face. Hot anger rolls off of him. "Fucking Sadie."


    I Trun to face him, "I''m fine, it doesn''t really hurt anymore."


    His amber eyes are filled with concern, a vulnerable type of sincerity that makes him look like a big teddy bear I just want to hug. "I can''t believe she did that. I mean, Will? That guys huge."


    I chuckle coldly, "Tell me about it."


    "It''s all my fault."


    I swallow the lump in my throat and try to smile at him.


    "I shouldn''t have yed around like that with you and her."


    My nose crinkles at that. So, I was just a game then? I don''t know how to feel about that, and I give myself a second to process the muted emotions that run through me.


    Aiden speaks first. "I broke up with her."


    "You did?"I turn to him, my hearting alive in my chest again. My ears turn hot and I grip the counter''s edge until my nails hurt.


    He sighs. "Honestly. I should''ve broken up with her a long time ago. just never had a real reason to."


    I purse my lips, nodding, though I don''t really know what he means by that.


    "Not until I met you."


    2


    My chest burns, that same burn that apanies excitement. I blink at him and watch him as he moves to stand in front of me. He ces his hands beside my thighs and leans closer.


    "I know I might not deserve a second chance after this, but I think I like you."


    I can''t help the smile that spreads across my face, the heat that crawls up my cheeks. Butterflies ignite in my stomach and I bite down on my lip. "You think?"


    Aidenughs, relief flooding him at the sight of a smile on my face. I really do like you."


    "Are you sure?"


    "Alina.¡± He groans, forcing himself between my legs to get closer to me.


    Iugh, pinching the skin of my thigh. "I might be a little interested in you, too."


    He tilts his head, getting a better look at my face. "A little?"


    "Yeah, you''re going to have to convince me to like you more, unfortunately."


    "Am 1?"


    I nod, biting my lips. "Considering your girlfriend had someone beat me up, I think its warranted."


    "Ex," He corrects, nudging my thigh with his fist..


    I chuckle. "Ex."


    "Can I take out then?"


    Butterflies explode in my stomach and I nod.


    He smiles wide and grips my thigh. "Tomorrow."


    "Okay."


    "Fuck, yeah."


    Iugh.


    "Hey, yo Aiden, we need you!" Parker sticks his head into the kitchen and Aiden immediately groans.


    I look between the two of the, and Parker shoots me a wink before disappearing again. "What''s going on?"


    Aiden shakes his head. "Parker always insists we y a game every time he throws a party. He has a court in the backyard. The guy never stops thinking about basketball."


    I chuckle, pushing him away with my hand on his chest. "Go. You can find me after."


    "You''re not going to watch?"


    I look away as if I''m thinking about it. Not that there''s much for me to think about. Watching Aiden y, and sweat so much he''ll probably take his shirt off? Yeah, sign me up. "I''ll be right behind you."


    "Great," He gives me a peck on the cheek.


    Just one stupid peck and I''m twisting inside, smiling to myself like an idiot. I press


    my fingers to where his lips had just been and imagine his lips on mine.


    I wonder if he kisses as good as Jake.


    If he can fuck as good as Jake.


    Something shifts in my peripherals and I look up in time to see a blur of dark clothes disappear around the corner.


    I know deep in my gut that it''s Zaid.


    I look to my right, where Aiden had stepped through to get to the backyard. I


    should go to him, I should go watch him.


    But when I slide off the counter and when my feet hit the floor, I walk to the left.

 Chapter 21

    I walk through the whole house, catching his shadow as he walks to fast for me.


    I follow him out through the front door, but the frontwn is empty and my chest detes when I exhale in defeat. I tuck my hair behind my ear, deciding to got back inside and find Aiden.


    "You got him wrapped around your little finger don''t you?"


    I turn, my heart rate spiking when I see Zaid sitting on the porch swing with a cigarette between his lips. I look around, noticing that we''re alone and I walk toward him, rubbing my arms as I do.


    "I don''t know what you''re talking about."


    "Aiden, Alina. I''m talking about Aiden," He whispers, releasing a stream of smoke from his nostrils. Ite out slow, billowing


    around his face before disappearing into the air.


    I shake my head.


    He scowls at me. "Aiden''s girlfriend had you beat, I saved you, and for some reason you''re looking at him like he''s the most perfect person to ever exist."


    His words sting and I stutter. "That''s not..."


    He scoffs, taking another puff from his cigarette.


    It makes me angry, and I step toward him. "You left me."


    Those eyes focus on me.


    "You left me there, Zaid. You might see yourself as the hero in this story, but you''re not."


    He looks away, releasing another stream of air.


    "What do you even have against Aiden?"


    "Nothing."


    "It doesn''t seem like nothing-"


    "Everyone fucking looks up to him. But they don''t know him like I do. He''s a fucking coward. Egotistical bitch. And you go running


    after him every chance you get."


    That''s not even remotely true, considering the fact that I followed him here and not Aiden. "Why do you care? I don''t even know why that makes you so angry." Nikki''s words echo in my head and I want to push him, to see what he admits. His nostrils re and he throws the cigarette on the floor, stomping on it with the heel of his shoe as he stands.


    I freeze in my spot, my mouth parting to protest as he walks toward me. I expect him to stop when he''s an arm length away, but he doesn''t. He walks right up to me until his chest bumps into mine.


    "Zaid."


    He exhales, the scent of smoke and alcohol fanning over me. I don''t url away in disgust, because I''m too focused on his eyes. The darkness in thein draws me in. Even as my body shudders in warning I lean closer, something about him telling me there''s more than meets the eye.


    "You want to know why I''m angry?"


    I nod, stiffly, the only movement I can manage.


    He wraps his hand around my neck, bringing me to him as he pressed his lips to mine. I gasp in shock, in desperation to get air.


    He takes advantage.


    He devours me.


    My hands w at his arm, his fingers digging into my neck.


    His tongue pushes into my mouth, our teeth sh, and I can''t breathe. He presses into me, my stomach coiling when I feel his erection on my stomach. He doesn''t relent, kissing me hard.


    He''s drunk and his body uses mine for support. He''s so fucking heavy, I stumble back.


    I try to push him away, but he keeps his body stered to mine. His other hand move all around my body, gripping my hips then my waist. I push away at his chest again, but he presses closer to me


    My back hits the wall, drawing me out enough for me to pull my thoughts together and I p my hand across his cheek.


    It does nothing to affect him, his hand lowering now to the zipper on my shorts. I move faster and p him harder.


    That time, it forces his lips away from mine and I''m left panting for air.


    He leaves me caged between him and the wall, his jaw clenching as he blinks as if not believing that I just hit him.


    "What the fuck, Zaid?" My lips burn from his kiss, they feel raw and they pulse all the same time.


    He snaps his eyes to mine and I tense, the anger simmering off of them. For the first time, I wonder what he''s capable of and what I got myself into him by following him.


    He doesn''t try to kiss me again, no, instead heys his palms on the wall behind


    me and thrusts his hips into mine, his erection harder than before.


    "This is why I''m so fucking angry."


    I exhale, my body reaction with a myriad of heat and stomach turning want.


    "I want you so fucking bad."


    I swallow the lump in my throat.


    He leans down, running his lips down the column of my neck and I moan softly throwing my head back to give him better ess. I can''t help it, it feels so good, reminding me of Jake''s attention.


    Aiden is thrown to the back of my head and all I can focus on is how my body reacts to him.


    "I want you so fucking bad, love."


    He grinds his hips into me again and I gasp, pushing him away with my hand on his stomach. "Zaid, 1-


    "Save it," He whispers against my neck. "I don''t need you to exin to me how Aiden''s the better choice."


    "I don''t." I start but then shut up. If I tell him I haven''t made a chole with Aiden yet, that I only agreed to one date, he might think there''s hope for him. I don''t want to give him that. He feels so good against me, but he''s a fire. Burning and impossible to extinguish.


    He runs his teeth down my neck, biting me softly at the base where thy corbone starts. "Don''te crying to me when he breaks your heart."


    He presses a kiss to my skin and then turns away, walking off the porch and


    through the frontwn without a look back at me, leaving me just how he did in the diner.

 Chapter 22

    I close the door to the house, sticking the key to lock it.


    My stomach is twisting with butterflies and I look down at the short dress I''m wearing, wondering if it''s too obvious that I''m dressing in a way that lets Aiden now he can look all he wants.


    "Fuck."


    1 spin on my heels, exhaling at the sight of Aiden standing outside s car. His eyes rake over me, taking me in. He lingers for a moment on my legs and then on my cleavage.


    He''s wearing a pair of dark jeans, a white shirt that eventuates every single muscle on his chest and arms and a pair of clean, white


    converse.


    He''s so hot, it hurts me to look at him.


    "You look...incredible."


    I bite my lip, and walk toward him. "Thank you."


    He blows out a stream of air. "I mean it. Damn, Alina, you look perfect."


    He walks toward me, taking long strides and reaches for me. He cups the back of my neck and pulls me in, pressing a kiss to my


    lips.


    I smile, exhaling. "I thought that first kisses were meant for after the date?"


    He exhales a deepugh, nibbling on my lip before licking it. "I don''t listen to those shit rules."


    "Oh?"


    He lowers his hand from my neck, down my back and then he grips my ass. ¡°No. I like to take things at my own speed."


    My nipples turn hard. "Apparently you''re super sonic."


    He lowers his forehead to mine. "I don''t want to lie to you."


    I pull away. "What do you mean?¡±


    "I want to get to know you. I want to take you out, and make up inside jokes with you. I want all of that."


    I smile like an idiot.


    "But, I also want to fuck you so fucking bad."


    My smile drops, not because it bothers me, but because now I have to fight my own deep, dark thoughts. His fingers dig in deeper into my ass and it takes all of my control to not tell him we can just skip the date and head straight to his bedroom.


    Jake''s touch was still upying my mind, and frustration was beginning to build up in my mind. My touch isn''t enough to mimic what he made me feel and I was begging for another man''s touch.


    "I wouldn''t be opposed to that," I whisper into his chest.


    He hisses, inhaling through clenched teeth. "Tuck, baby. Let''s get through this date first, and then we cane back to this conversation, okay?"


    We have dinner in a cute, little pizza ce on the outskirts of town. They have these cute lights dangling outside and the night air Isn''t too hot. We talk a lot.


    He tells me about his basketball journey, what he wants to do after graduation. I avoid the topic of my family, but he doesn''t seem to mind, not forcing the subject. We


    Weugh a lot and I feel so relieved that we can hit it off.


    His eyes got to my cleavage more often than not, and I encourage him, leaning


    over to him so that he can get a better look. It makes himugh at me, but he like


    it.


    We leave an hourter and we walk over to the movies. Aiden picks up some drinks, but no popcorn since we''re so full from dinner.


    The theater is mostly empty and we make our way to the back, smiling at each other when the movie start and we find ourselves alone in our row.


    "Can you do something for me?" Aiden whispers into my ear, lifting the armrest between us. He scoots close to me, our thighs touching.


    I frown, "What?"


    His eyes focus on my lips for a second, and it takes me that long to realize that he''s turned on. "Give me your underwear."


    almost instantly. "Aiden."


    My eyes widen, but I feel myself get wet almo


    He inhales, "Please?"


    I look over the chairs in front of us, only two other couples sitting in the room with


    us.


    "You wore that dress for me, didn''t you? To tease me?"


    I don''t say anything, not wanting to lie to him.


    "You''re ying with me. You know I want you, and you wear that. What do you expect me to do, baby?"


    I feel bad for her. She is starved of affection and attention and it''s fixing to turn


    into something she can note back from. I get a bad feeling Aiden is using her and is g...


    2

 Chapter 23

    Stay-1


    Our eyes meet, and he coughs, my shock mirrored in his expression. He quickly masks it, but I see it. I see the absolute horror that crosses his features.


    My heart feels like it''s lodged in my throat, and it takes every ounce of willpower


    to keep


    myposure.


    "Aiden," he says, his voice steady but his eyes betraying his surprise. "Who''s this?"


    Aiden pulls me in close, wrapping his arm around me in a possessive way, making Jake''s eyes rake over me. "This is my friend, Alina."


    The way he says it makes me aware that he''s telling his dad that I am much more than a


    friend.


    Jake puts down his half made sandwich and nods toward me, pressing his lips together. "Nice to meet you, Alina."


    "Nice to meet you too, Mr. Matthews," I reply, my voice sounding far moreposed than


    I feel.


    The tension in the room is palpable, a heavy, suffocating weight that neither of us acknowledges out loud. Aiden seems blissfully unaware, and I''m so d he hasn''t caught up on the heat in the room.


    "I was just going to take Alina home, we''ll be right back," Aiden says, leading us toward the front door.


    Jake hesitates for a fraction of a second before nodding. "Sure, sounds good."


    "Ah shit," Aiden freezes midway, patting down his pockets. "I forgot my wallet upstairs, I''ll go get it real quick."


    He squeezes my arm and runs upstairs before I can say anything. I turn to Jake, oxygen leaving my lungs. He walks toward me and looks determined to say something.


    No, no I can''t do this.


    "Alina-"


    #18 pm


    Stay-1


    I walk around him making my way to the bathroom, his foot stopping the door


    before I''m able to close it.


    "Jake," I whisper when he pushes himself inside.


    He stands in front of the door, locking it, his chest rising and falling as he looks me


    up and down. ¡°Aiden? Aiden''s the guy you''ve been hanging out with?"


    I groan, pulling at my hair. What the fuck is going on? I was never supposed to


    see Jake again, let alone have him be my boyfriend''s father.


    Aiden''s father.


    I lost my virginity to Aiden''s father.


    I start to hyperventte and Jakes grabs my shoulders. "Alina, it''s going to be okay."


    I whisper back, my voice trembling. "We can''t tell Aiden."


    "Fucking agreed," he says, his expression serious.


    With my hand on my chest, I avoid his gaze. "I have to go."


    But Jake doesn''t move. He''s imprable, still, like stone. I look up to him in


    shock and a muscle in his eye twitches.


    "Jake."


    "I can''t stop thinking about you.¡±


    I exhale, "Stop."


    He can''t say this, he can''t do this. He will open up a floodgate of emotions, of want that I


    am not sure I am capable of stopping.


    I try to push by him to the door, but he grabs my hips, pinning me to the counter of the sink. Immediately, his hands find their way beneath my dress and he caresses my skin.


    I exhale, want igniting just like I knew it would.


    Jake buries his face in my neck. "Stay."


    Stay-1


    I shake my head but no wordse out. Guilt leaves me speechless, unable to deny him. Aiden is nice, and I like him and I should want to be with him right now.


    Jake, however, has been all I can think about thesest few days.


    "If you tell me to stop, I''ll stop. Otherwise, stay the night."


    I look at him in the reflection of the mirror, those sad eyes of his pleading with me


    to stay. The horrible truth is, he doesn''t have to beg me. I want to say yes.


    His hand goes up my stomach and chest and he squeezes my breast, his fingers running over my nipple. I inhale, brokenly, trying to stay as quiet as possible.


    "Alina?!" Aiden calls from the living room and my eyes widen in panic.


    Jake shakes his head, covering my mouth his hand, while he removes his hand from my breast and lowers it. My eyes roll to the back of my head when he reaches the waistband of my panties.


    I whimper into his palm, his hand slowly disappearing into them, his fingers finding my clit in a mere second.


    "Alina?" The door handle rattles and I stiffen.

 Chapter 24

    Stay-2


    Jake shakes his head again, pressing his finger against my clit so hard I buckle against


    him.


    "It''s just me in here, Aiden. Alina left."


    "Oh, I thought I was giving her a ride."


    Jake circles his finger around my clit and I hold my breath. "I saw her leave, Aiden."


    "Are you sure?"


    My breath hitches in my throat, and Jake, fucking Jake, thrusts his finger inside me. I bite down hard, though I can''t stop the whimper in my throat.


    "Dad?"


    "Aiden. I''m in the fucking bathroom. Leave me be."


    Aiden huffs from behind the door and I begin to rock my hips, seeking friction.


    "Fine, I''m heading out with the guys. I''ll be backte"


    We stand there in silence, Jake finally taking his hand from my mouth. I pant, catching


    my breath as he scissors his fingers inside me. The moment we hear the front door close,


    Jake takes his fingers out of me, and I gasp, groaning as he steps away from me.


    "I thought that little fucker was never going to leave," Jake growls, grabbing the band of


    panties and pulling them down my legs until I can step out of them, and then grabs the


    hem of my dress, shoving it up and over my head.


    He only gives me a second of reprieve before he pushes me onto the counter and thrusts into me. I groan from the sting as I stretch to take him in. He takes a moment, grunting and then hissing between his teeth.


    "Fuck, baby. I haven''t stopped thinking about you, and this is so much better than


    I remember." He pulls out slightly, thrusting in again harder than before.


    I moan loudly. "I-I haven''t stopped thinking about you either."


    Stay-2


    He smiles at me through the reflection and gathers my hair into his fist, pulling my head back so that my breasts point directly to the mirror, giving him a clear view.


    It''s impossible, I know, but I feel him harden even more inside me.


    He pulls out and thrusts in again. "My fucking god, this pussy."


    I pulse around him and I drip, literally drip, down my thighs.


    "Have you touched yourself?"


    groan against the pain as he pulls my hair harder. "What?"


    "Have you touched yourself thinking about me? Thinking about my cock deep inside


    you?"


    My pussy convulses around him, his words turning me wetter and needier. "Yes." His eyes darken, his nostrils ring and he takes me faster. "How many times?" "Every night."


    He lets go of my hair and grabs onto my hips, holding me still as he quickens his pace. I take it, loving how he loses control. Our skin ps echo in the room and I cry when he


    ps my ass.


    A momentter he grabs my ass cheeks, spreading them apart until I feel my skin sting from the stretch. He lifts his eyes to mine in the reflection of the mirror and then looks straight down at my ass. "Has anyone told you you have a pretty asshole?"


    My chest turns hot at this words and he thrusts into me. I moan deep in my throat. "No."


    "Really?"


    I hiss at another hard thrust. "You''re the only one who''s seen it."


    He chuckles at that and I watch him as he brings his thumb to his mouth and licks


    it all. He thrusts again, and presses his thumb to the rim. It stings, and I moan.


    "Jake!"


    Stay-2


    He presses it deeper and I feel myself wrap tightly around the tip of his finger, swallowing him. He keeps it there and continues to thrust, faster and harder now.


    My orgasm builds in my stomach and I cry out, feeling my pussy pulse around him.


    Jake grunts,ing a secondter.


    Sweat drips down my forehead and the only sound is that of us trying to catch our breath. He pulls out of me and I whimper, feeling empty, feeling stretched.


    "I wish you could see this."


    He grips my cheek, pushing it back to get a better view of my pussy.


    "The sight of my cum dripping out of you is like looking at heaven."


    I feel myself pulse and Jake inhales.


    "Your pussy is begging me to fuck it again, isn''t it?"


    I nod, still holding onto the counter.

 Chapter 25

    Would That Be So Bad?


    I wake up to the feeling of kisses on my neck.


    I groan, trying to bury my face deeper into the pillow below me. It''s cool, soft and it smells like Jake. I smile to myself, aware of how delightful I feel at the reminder of him.


    My body, too tired, rxes again and I almost drown back into a dreamless sleep.


    But instead, those kisses on the back of my neck continue. I frown to myself, trying to remember where I am, and why I can feel a warm hand on my back.


    It moves, lowering down to the curve of my ass and my eyes snap open, my breathe quickening. I look around for a second, that fear in my chest suddenly reced with


    relief.


    Jake.


    I''m with Jake.


    "You awake, baby?" His voice is heavy with sleep, gravelly in my ear.


    His chest is stered to my back and when I turn to try and face him, he forces me back down, keeping us in the same position.


    "What time is it?" I mutter, my skining alive when I realize that I''m naked.


    It''s still dark out and by the way my eyes hurt, I know that I haven''t slept much.


    "It''s 2 in the morning."


    I hum at that, so tired. "Why are you awake?"


    He nudges his hips to my back, his erection pushing between the cheeks of my ass.


    "Seriously?" I whisper, looking at him over my shoulder.


    He doesn''t say anything, just keeps kissing my neck. His hand lowers, grabbing my knee,


    so he can lift it. He presses it to my ribs and my back arches so I can lean my head on his


    shoulders.


    8:19 pm


    Would That Be So Bad?


    I hiss the moment this cock crowns my entrance. I push at his thighs. "Jake, I''m- I''m so


    sore."


    He then brings the pad of his finger to my clit, rubbing it softly. "It''ll feel good, I promise."


    He rubs me until I turn wet enough for him to slip all the way inside. I groan, this time pulling him closer, pulling him deeper.


    "Shhh," He breathes against my neck. "Aiden''s home now, we can''t be too loud."


    I hardly register the flutter of guilt in my chest. It''s different with Jake than it is with Aiden. Besides, this will be thest time with Jake, I swear it. I''ll just get him out of my system, it''s not like I can keep seeking him out while dating Aiden, that would be insane.


    He slides out, and I moan, gripping the sheets.


    Jake chuckles into me, "Alina."


    He thrusts in, unforgivingly, our skin pping and I cry out when I feel him hit that deep part inside me that has my toes curling.


    Jake bites down on my neck, covering my mouth with his hand and he goes feral, mming in and out of me. At this point, I have no idea why he even tries to cover my cries, the pping of our skin and the banging of his headboard against the wall is surely loud enough for the entire house to hear us.


    He shift us, and I''m on my stomach, my face buried in my pillow. He''s on top of me, his hands on my hips as he relentlessly hammers into me. I moan, crying out as the friction turns hot. I''m on the edge already and my entire body buckles beneath him.


    I''m sure I''ll have bruises all around me from how hard he holds onto me, but I don''t care, I kind of want the marks, the reminders that Jake was once mine. I want them because I


    know I have to put an end to this.


    My strength gives out and Jake grunts,ing inside me. I''m filled, hot and wet and I finally lift my face to catch my breath. He pulls out and I moan in protest.


    Jake spreads me apart. "You''re gaping beautifully, filled with my cum, fuck, what a sight."


    Would That Be So Bad?


    He falls beside me, holding me against him, chest to chest. It''s awfully intimate, and when I try to move away, he holds me tighter, lifting my leg over his shoulder.


    "What are you-"


    I can''t get the words out, Jake slipping two fingers inside me. I grip into his shoulders, moaning as I circle my hips. He uses his cum as lube, spreading it to my clit where he rubs me until Ie apart, my legs trembling.


    "Fuck, Jake," I breathe into his chest, sighing in relief when he lowers my leg from his shoulder after pressing a kiss to the inside of my knee.


    "I don''t think I''ll ever get enough of you," He whispers, his dark eyes watching me for any hint of what I''m feeling.


    There''s a twinge in my chest. I tug on his beard, kissing him softly and when I pull away I keep my hand on his cheek, caressing his skin. Hes talking about me as if we''ll keep seeing each other, as if we have a future together.


    "You have to get enough of me, Jake. We can''t keep doing this." I''m saying this as his cum is still dripping from my pussy. In my head I''m rolling my eyes at myself for being such


    an idiot.


    His jaw clenches. "Why not?"


    "Apart from the fact that I''m dating your son?"


    He gives me nothing, his expression unchanging.


    "We can''t just keep hiding, doing this behind his back."


    He swallows, his hand gripping the back of my hair. "You don''t have to date him.¡±


    I pull back and scoff. "What? You want me to date you?"


    Again, he says nothing, frowning slightly as if he''s thinking about it. Thinking abouting home to me, about having explosive sex with me every night of the week, every chance he gets. Thinking about what I would look like pregnant with his child. Thinking about how time will pass differently for us. About how his hair will gray faster than mine.


    I know he''s thinking about that because I am, everything shes in my mind like a


    Would That Be So Bad?


    memory that hasn''te true yet.


    "Would that be so bad?"


    His whispered question draws me out of my thoughts and I look at him in shock. Vulnerability is stered across his expression, in his eyes and in the way his voice


    trembled.


    I run my hand through is hair. "Bad? No. No. But it''s...impractical."


    His eyes twitch, as if defeated.


    "We were never supposed to see each other again," I remind him, hating how it


    makes me


    feel to see him so broken.


    "Honestly, I don''t know how I agreed to that. Even then, I knew that you were different


    than anyone else I''d ever been with."


    Emotions cloud my judgement and I think about it, really think about being with him. The


    temptation is horrible, and it tests everything I know about myself,


    Jake rxes into me and kisses my forehead. "Get some sleep, Alina. We can


    talk


    tomorrow."


    I try to sleep, but even as Jake''s breath evens out, even as he disappears to the world


    around him, I can''t.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 26

    Just Give Me One Day-1


    I wake up to the feeling of Jake''s weight shifting. I hum, his hand running down the length of my face.


    ¡°Want to jump in the shower with me?¡± His voice is deep, and I smile even as my eyes are closed. He sounds sexy in the morning.


    I nod, forcing my eyes open to look at him. I want to enjoy him for thest few minutes I have with him, before the reality ofst night''s conversation ms into me, before I break


    this off for forever.


    He gifts me a chaste kiss on the cheek and then disappears into the bathroom. The water starts and I stretch, catching sight of my dress folded on the bedside table, along with my phone ced on top of it.


    I inhale, my heart rate spiking. Something tells me that Aiden has left me a message.


    Sure enough I find it first thing.


    A: Good morning beautiful. I wish you would have stayedst night so I could have given you a ride home. I''ll see you in ss today.


    I swallow. Yes, I have to end things with Jake.


    Speaking of, he sticks his head out from the bathroom. "Water''s ready."


    I respond to the text quickly and make my way to the bathroom. Jake is already int he shower, standing beneath the water. It cascades down the skin of his back and my mouth dries as I watch the droplets curve down his back. He shifts, giving me his profile and heat ignites between my legs when I see his erect cock ready for another round. O


    I''m a little sore, but not enough to dissuade my hunger.


    Jake runs his hand through is hair and faces me, his eyes raking down the length


    of my body. His chest rises and falls, his hands flexing beside his thighs.


    23


    I unfreeze myself from my spot and step in with him, letting him wrap his arms around me, letting him kiss me deep and slow.


    Just Give Me One Day-1


    He kisses me for a long time, long enough that it''s me that pulls away and desperately grabs onto his cock. Without words between us, he grabs my legs, lifting me up against the tiled wall and spreads my legs.


    He''s angry from the conversationst night. I can feel it, I can see it in his dark eyes. It''s only confirmed when he ms into me without preparing me.


    I cry out and he soothes me with kisses on my neck and nibbles on my skin. Still he doesn''t slow down. He starts at a quick pace, at a strength that already has my legs trembling.


    I grab onto his shoulders, cries leaving my lips every time he ms into me. It turn wet, not from the water, but from how much he makes my pussy happy.


    He looks up at me, this time his eyes softening, he takes me in, caressing every inch of my features like he can''t get enough of me.


    Guilt eats me up alive, especially as he looks at me like I''m everything. He can''t want me. I can''t keep doing this. I made my choice, and it''s not him. So I swallow the lump in my throat and say the one thing I know will get him to agree to my decision.


    "I slept with Aidenst night."


    He stills, his cock halfway inside me.


    "Before he introduced us, I slept with him."


    The gears in his head turn, and he slowly begins to fuck me again, his fingers digging into the skin of my legs.


    He pulls out.


    "Jake?"


    He thrusts in. "Is this your way of finishingst night''s conversation?"


    I bite down on my lip, moaning as he lowers his fingers to circle my clit. I nod.


    Sadness crosses his features, but it does not make him slow down. The water cascades


    down my chest and he dives in, sucking a nipple into his mouth. I whimper and he presses my legs into the wall, spreading them farther apart.


    8:19 pm


    Just Give Me One Day-1


    "I don''t want to stop." He grunts.


    I shake my head. "Me neither, but-"


    "You have to live your life." He slides out, thrusting in hard, like he''s punishing me.


    My breasts bounce from how hard he pushes into me and water sshes into his face.

 Chapter 27

    Just Give Me One Day-2


    I nod.


    "And you think Aiden can give you the life you want?¡±


    *I have to try to live a normal life, Jake," I whisper to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and nibbling on his ear. The fact that this could be thest time I ever have sex with him again pulls my heart into a fit of despair.


    "And this is not normal," His breath fans my neck, the steam of the shower billowing around us.


    Then, he fucks me.


    I run my hand through his hair, hissing when he hits so deep, that ache and that sorenesses rushing back into me. His hands dig into my ass, spreading my cheeks apart and he presses a finger to my hole.


    I scream, letting him take over, letting him grab my hips and basically fuck himself with


    1. me. I don''t even try to think about my orgasm, don''t think about my own pleasure.


    I just think about his, letting him move me as he wants, letting him continue at his punishing speed, at this painful force.


    I look down to where we meet, my mouth parting how beautiful it is to see his cock


    sliding in and out of me, like we belong together.


    Maybe in another life.


    We both moan, my pussy clenching around him just as his hot cum fills me to the brim. I feel it drip down my thighs, see it join the water on the tiled floor, watch it wash away


    down the drain.


    "Fuck," He breathes into my neck.


    He peppers me with kisses and we quickly rinse ourselves off. He leaves me in the bathroom so that I can change into yesterdays clothes. I''ll have to bete to school, because Aiden will have too many questions if I show up in the same clothes.


    Just Give Me One Day-2


    I rush downstairs, only to be stopped by Jake at the front door. He shakes his head at me.


    My stomach twists with nerves. "What?"


    He frowns down at his phone in his hands. "I called the school, told them you were sick


    today."


    "Why would you do that?" My skin prickles.


    He lifts his eyes to me, dark, hurt, demanding. ¡°Because if this is thest time we''re going to do this, then I want to stretch it out for as long as possible."


    "What are you talking about?"


    "Just give me one day. Today."


    "Jake," I whisper in disbelief.


    "Alina."


    "We have to stop."


    "After today."


    I can see that he won''t give in, that he''s already made the choice. I could stand here and yell at him, fight him and make a scene. Or I can do exactly what he''s trying to do, enjoy thest bit of time we have together.


    He clicks through his phone. "I''ve set the rms for the house, we''ll know if anyone gets


    close."


    I raise my eyebrows. "You want to stay locked up in here all day?"


    "I want to stay buried inside you all day."


    I inhale.


    "Take your clothes off."


    God, is this man insatiable? His stamina is through the roof and I have trouble keeping up. "Shouldn''t we take a break? Aren''t you tired?"


    8.20pm


    Just Give Me One Day-2


    He shrugs, looking down at his erection beneath his pants that confirms theplete opposite of that. "We can take a break, if you want. We can make breakfast."


    I smile, "That sounds great."


    "You don''t need your clothes to make breakfast."


    "Jake, you can''t actually expect me to stay naked all day."


    He crosses his arms on his chest.


    I sigh and take them off, dropping them to the ground as he watches me. Minutester, we''re in the kitchen, taking out the ingredients to make ourselves something to eat.


    And I don''t even get to finish making breakfast.


    I''m halfway through mixing the batter for the pancakes when he bends me over the counter and fucks me.


    It takes us an hour before we sit down to eat, but even then, Jake barely has the chance to pick ups his fork before I pull down his pants and straddle him, pushing his erection into


    1. me.


    He eats as I ride him and then he eats my pussy for dessert.

 Chapter 28

    This Is Goodbye-1


    Thankfully, we let each other rest for a few hours.


    We''re tucked into his bed watching a movie, both of us naked. After fucking one more time after breakfast, we figured there was very little reason to keep them on.


    His arm is wrapped around my waist, his chest to my back. He kisses me behind my ear and I shudder. "Has your mother been wondering where you are?"


    I snort and shake my head. "I could be dead and she would never even think to ask where I am until the police show up at her door."


    He grunts, angry. "Was your rtionship with her always strained?"


    "No."


    "What about with your father-"


    "Jake."


    He stills. "What?"


    I bite my lips, pressing my cheek to the sheets so it will be hard for him to see my face. "Don''t do this."


    "Do what?"


    "Try to get to know me. Especially now. This is just supposed to be sex, please just let it be that." My unspoken words hang in the air. Please just let it be that because if we make


    it more,


    it will have to be absolutely everything. I don''t think I''m ready for that just yet.


    He says nothing for a few minutes and I''m thankful for the distraction on the screen. I think he''ll leave the room, angry at my rejection but he doesn''t.


    Instead, he nudges into me and I feel his erection on my lower back. Want coils in my


    stomach, but my pussy aches from how sore I am.


    "Again?" I whisper to him, turning around to face him.


    He buries his face in my neck and nods. "Always."


    This Is Goodbye-1


    "I don''t think I can."


    "You''re sore?"


    I nod.


    His eyes lower to my lips. "Have you ever...given a blowjob?"


    My mouth waters, that need growing more intense. I lower my eyes to his cock, wrapping my hands around it. It gets harder beneath my touch and I suddenly want to know what it feels like on my tongue I want to know what his cum tastes like, what it would feel like going down my throat.


    "No," I whisper.


    His nostrils re, his chest heaving. "You want to try?"


    I nod. "Teach me. Tell me what to do."


    He sits up, bringing me with him. "Kneel."


    He moves to the edge of the bed, pulling me down to the floor in front of him, the movie


    long forgotten. He ces one hand on the back of my head and the other on the base of


    his cock.


    "Open your mouth for me, baby."


    My face heats up. "I-I don''t know what to do."


    "Just experiment. You''re touch already feels good, hell, just your breath right now feels


    amazing. I''ll tell you if you have to do anything differently."


    I nod, lowering my eyes to his cock. It''s inches from me, his head pointing directly


    at me. I take a tentative lick, just on the top.


    Jake exhales. "Don''t tease me, baby."


    He tastes salty, feels warm. I open my mouth, sucking in the head of his cock into my mouth.


    He hisses in response, and it builds my confidence. I take more of him in until I have to


    This Is Goodbye-1


    move my tongue to make more room in my mouth.


    My gag reflex goes off and my eyes water, but I don''t move. I''m entrapped by the look in his eyes. The look ofplete pleasure that has him frowning as he looks at me.


    "You look so beautiful, know know? Naked for me. Kneeling for me, with my cock stretching out those perfect lips of yours."


    I turn wet, now my pussy wants attention.


    I grab his wrist taking his hold from the base of his cock and rece it with mine.


    "Move, Alina. Please, move that goddamn mouth." Every word sounds strained and I try to mimic his thrust by sliding my tongue around him and moving up and down his length.


    "Your teeth," He grunts.


    I cover them with my lips and keep bobbing my head up and down.


    "That''s right baby, move your hand, too."


    I pump him, and he grips the edge of the bed, his knuckles wide. I moan and quicken my pace, twisting my hand around him. It turns messy fast and I find myself a slobbering


    mess.


    My cheeks begin to hurt, but I keep my eyes on him, the pleasure on his face pushing me


    to keep going.

 Chapter 29

    This Is Goodbye-1


    Thankfully, we let each other rest for a few hours.


    We''re tucked into his bed watching a movie, both of us naked. After fucking one more time after breakfast, we figured there was very little reason to keep them on.


    His arm is wrapped around my waist, his chest to my back. He kisses me behind my ear and I shudder. "Has your mother been wondering where you are?"


    I snort and shake my head. "I could be dead and she would never even think to ask where I am until the police show up at her door."


    He grunts, angry. "Was your rtionship with her always strained?"


    "No."


    "What about with your father-"


    "Jake."


    He stills. "What?"


    I bite my lips, pressing my cheek to the sheets so it will be hard for him to see my face. "Don''t do this."


    "Do what?"


    "Try to get to know me. Especially now. This is just supposed to be sex, please just let it be that." My unspoken words hang in the air. Please just let it be that because if we make


    it more,


    it will have to be absolutely everything. I don''t think I''m ready for that just yet.


    He says nothing for a few minutes and I''m thankful for the distraction on the screen. I think he''ll leave the room, angry at my rejection but he doesn''t.


    Instead, he nudges into me and I feel his erection on my lower back. Want coils in my


    stomach, but my pussy aches from how sore I am.


    "Again?" I whisper to him, turning around to face him.


    He buries his face in my neck and nods. "Always."


    This Is Goodbye-1


    "I don''t think I can."


    "You''re sore?"


    I nod.


    His eyes lower to my lips. "Have you ever...given a blowjob?"


    My mouth waters, that need growing more intense. I lower my eyes to his cock, wrapping my hands around it. It gets harder beneath my touch and I suddenly want to know what it feels like on my tongue I want to know what his cum tastes like, what it would feel like going down my throat.


    "No," I whisper.


    His nostrils re, his chest heaving. "You want to try?"


    I nod. "Teach me. Tell me what to do."


    He sits up, bringing me with him. "Kneel."


    He moves to the edge of the bed, pulling me down to the floor in front of him, the movie


    long forgotten. He ces one hand on the back of my head and the other on the base of


    his cock.


    "Open your mouth for me, baby."


    My face heats up. "I-I don''t know what to do."


    "Just experiment. You''re touch already feels good, hell, just your breath right now feels


    amazing. I''ll tell you if you have to do anything differently."


    I nod, lowering my eyes to his cock. It''s inches from me, his head pointing directly


    at me. I take a tentative lick, just on the top.


    Jake exhales. "Don''t tease me, baby."


    He tastes salty, feels warm. I open my mouth, sucking in the head of his cock into my mouth.


    He hisses in response, and it builds my confidence. I take more of him in until I have to


    This Is Goodbye-1


    move my tongue to make more room in my mouth.


    My gag reflex goes off and my eyes water, but I don''t move. I''m entrapped by the look in his eyes. The look ofplete pleasure that has him frowning as he looks at me.


    "You look so beautiful, know know? Naked for me. Kneeling for me, with my cock stretching out those perfect lips of yours."


    I turn wet, now my pussy wants attention.


    I grab his wrist taking his hold from the base of his cock and rece it with mine.


    "Move, Alina. Please, move that goddamn mouth." Every word sounds strained and I try to mimic his thrust by sliding my tongue around him and moving up and down his length.


    "Your teeth," He grunts.


    I cover them with my lips and keep bobbing my head up and down.


    "That''s right baby, move your hand, too."


    I pump him, and he grips the edge of the bed, his knuckles wide. I moan and quicken my pace, twisting my hand around him. It turns messy fast and I find myself a slobbering


    mess.


    My cheeks begin to hurt, but I keep my eyes on him, the pleasure on his face pushing me


    to keep going.

 Chapter 30

    This Is Goodbye-2


    "Fuck, baby, I''m going toe."


    That makes me moan and he reacts to the vibrations of my throat with a groan.


    "Swallow, okay?"


    Oh god, swallow? The thought alone turns me on even more.


    "I want you filled with my cum from both ends."


    I nod, because I want that too.


    "Open wide for me baby, tap my thigh if it''s too much, okay?"


    He grips my hair, titling my head back as he puts his weight on his legs instead of the bed. He holds me still and pumps his hips, fast. The head of his cock ms against the back of my throat and I hold back the need to gag.


    I grab onto his legs, but don''t tap.


    I force myself to breathe through my nostrils and take his cock even as it stretches my lips. Even with him thrusting, my lips still don''t reach the base of his cock.


    "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," He mutters the word with every thrust, and that final one pushes my physical limits.


    I cry, muffled, as he forces my head back and slides all the way in. My lips stretch and my throat convulses around him. He yells,ing so hard that it shoots down my throat. He stills, keeping us like that until he finishes pumping all he has left.


    The moment he pulls out, I fall onto my hands, coughing as I try to catch my breath. Jake lifts me onto the bed, kissing my cheeks and neck.


    "Perfect. That was perfect, baby."


    Heys down on his back, maneuvering me until I''m straddling his face. I hang onto the headboard, my legs trembling as he literally slurps the juices that have began to drip out of me from how turned on it made me to suck him.


    This Is Goodbye-2


    I scream, and by the time he makes mee twice, I''m hoarse.


    "I have to take you home. Aiden will be here soon," Jake whispers into my ear as wey beside each other.


    There''s a sadness in his voice and I don''t push him. This is goodbye and never again.


    "Okay," I nod against his chest and stand. He does the same and we dress on opposite sides of the bed inplete silence.


    That is until I get my dress on.


    "Have you seen my underwear?"


    Jake frowns and shakes his head, "No, but I''ll look for them after I drop you off. Here, you


    can wear these."


    He throws me a pair of his clean boxers and I put them on without questioning what it means that he so easily gave them to me.


    "Thank you."


    By the time we make it to the car, we are both tense. Jake drives his car with his jaw clenched and the muscles in his arm flexing. I want to say something to him, to reassure him that this is the best decision for the both of us, not just me.


    "I''m sorry," is all I manage to whisper, my emotions clouding my rationality.


    He shakes his head. "I get it, I''m not the kind of man you should be with." "That''s not it."


    He looks over at me, his gaze smoldering. "It''s only that I was born 20 years too early?"


    I nod, swallowing. "Partly."


    "You''ll tell me? If Aiden ever treats you bad."


    I shake my head, "He won''t."


    "You put too much trust in that boy. He''s not perfect."


    This Is Goodbye-2


    I smile, exhaling. "I know that, but if you raised him, he can''t be all that bad."


    His jaw clenches and he tightens his hold on the steering wheel. I find that reaction strange but say nothing as he pulls up to my driveway.


    "Thank you, Jake, for everything."


    He nods, stiff.


    "I''ll see you around."


    He nods again.


    "Jake,e on. You''re not going to say anything?"


    "I don''t think there''s anything else to say. From now on I will only know you through Aiden, and I could not think of a worse way to live my days."


    I tilt my head at him, "You''ll find your person, Jake. It''s just not me."


    He nods, and when he doesn''t respond, I take that as my sign. I slide out of my


    seat and walk inside my house without looking back at him.


    My eyes sting with tears but I push down the emotions, only exhaling in relief when I get inside and see that mother isn''t home.

 Chapter 31

    Umon Phobias


    I''m exhausted, my body sore and tired, but I still get up in time for school.


    I decide then and there to not think about Jake at all, every time his name even


    pops my head, I force myself to think about umon phobias.


    I''ve ran through two of them today already and it''s barely 7am.


    Cleptophobia: Fear of stealing


    into


    Mageirocophobia: Fear of cooking.


    Alex and I used to go through lists of these, fascinated by them.


    I lock the front door to my house and when I turn to start my walk to school, I gasp


    in


    surprise.


    Aiden stands there, leaning on the hood of his car with a smile on his face.


    It''s his careless smile that lets me know he is stillpletely oblivious to what happened between Jake and I yesterday and the night before.


    My heart pounds in my chest but I smile. It''s a genuine smile even if I did have to force it on to mask my shock of finding him there. "Aiden, what are you doing here?"


    He shrugs, wrapping his arm around my waist. He kisses me slow, careful and with a gentle swipe of his tongue. I get butterflies in my stomach, which I''m so d he can still


    ignite.


    "I missed you yesterday. Are you feeling better?"


    Siderodromophobia: Fear of trains or railroads.


    I nod, feeling just a bit bad for having to lie to him about feeling sick. "Much better."


    He smiles down at me, "I wanted to give you a ride to school."


    He opens the passenger door for me and I climb in, setting my bag on the floor. "You didn''t have to. It''s really not that far of a walk from here."


    8:20 pm


    Umon Phobias


    He shrugs as he starts the engine. "I don''t mind. I got you some coffee, too."


    I look down at the cup holders, two coffees in the middle. Something sparks in my chest and my mouth parts. I can''t remember thest time anyone had ever gotten me something at all. "You got me coffee?"


    His eyes widen slightly. "Do-do you not like coffee?"


    I smile, my lips trembling, my hands shaking as well as I take the coffee cup. "No, I do, it''s just...thank you."


    "I was thinking about you all morning, just wanted to see that smile on your face again," He leans toward me and presses a kiss to my lips.


    I smile wider, the butterflies in my stomach going wild. "How was your day yesterday?"


    He drives, his attention on the road. "Boring. Practice was tough. We have a big game


    tonight."


    I sit up at that, taking a sip. "I''m finally going to see you in action?"


    cing a hand on my thigh, he chuckles. "Yeah."


    There''s tension in his face and I tilt my head to get a better look at him. "Is everything


    okay?"


    "I''m nervous," He squeezes my thigh.


    "Why?"


    "There''ll will be scouts at tonight''s game and I''m suddenly worried that I want to impress


    them."


    Iy my hand on his and set my coffee down, leaning toward him to pepper kisses


    on his bicep. "You''ll do amazing."


    "You''ve never seen me y," He mutters yfully between closed lips.


    00


    guess you''ll have to impress me then."


    He barks augh, turning into the school parking lot.


    Umon Phobias


    My heart drops into my chest and I''m so relieved that he looks nothing like his dad. They look so different, enough for me to temporarily disassociate one from the other.


    Haphephobia: Fear of being touched.


    I for sure did not have that.


    We walk to our first ss, hand in hand. Some people stare at us and I step closer to Aiden, stering myself to his side. "Everyone''s staring."


    He grimaces as he looks down at me. "Sorry, it''s kind of part of the territory."


    I hold on to him tighter, biting down on my lips as the whispers around us grow.


    "It probably doesn''t help that Sadie is most likely going around and starting rumors.''


    I groan, tightening my hold on his arm. "Are you serious?"


    "Does she look like the type that would stay quiet?"


    Iugh at that. ¡°No, she doesn''t seem very nice."


    "She''s not, but we''ve got this though, together."


    We walk into our first ss and it feels just like that first day, all eyes are on us and people whisper. Mr. Admas gives us a shocked look, but says nothing as he blinks and returns to his lesson on the board. I see some other students take out their phones, snapping pictures of us and I grimace.


    We make our way to our normal seats, Aiden making sure our seats are close together, close enough to where our knees are touching.


    "We''re ying the best team in the district tonight."


    I turn to him. "Do you guys think you''ll win?"


    "I think we can, coach has some reservations, but I think we can. It''s my first year


    as captain, I want everyone to see that I wasn''t the wrong choice."


    I frown, suddenly aware of how much pressure is on his shoulders and even more


    so about the amount of doubt he has for himself. "Hey, you''ll do amazing. I know


    it."


    8.21 pm


    Umon Phobias


    "Thank you."


    "Is there anything I can do to help? I can learn a cheer? Or is there like a song everyone breaks into? I''ll learn it and sing it so loud, I''ll be the only voice you can hear."


    Heughs, wrapping his arm around my waist to bring me in and kiss me on the forehead. "Actually, since you asked, there is one thing."


    "What?"


    He pulls away and reaches into his bag, taking out a jersey. It has the number 8


    on it and on the back, very clearly, is hisst name. Matthews. "It''s my old jersey. The guys on the team have a tradition of giving them to their girlfriends." "Girlfriends?" My insides take a tumble.


    "I know we haven''t exactly talked about that, but I don''t see this going any other way. Do


    you?"


    I shake my head.


    He smiles, those dimples of his drawing my attention. He ces the shirt over my head, and I tug it down until itys over my shorts. It practically swallows me up, but I love it. I look down at it and smile until my cheeks hurt.


    "It looks like it was made for you."


    Iugh, and run my hands down the jersey. "Thank you. I love it."


    "Now you can wear it every game day."


    "I won''t forget."


    We get busy with our work, Aiden''s hand on my thigh the entire time. It''s


    up from his wrist.


    We stay attached to the hip until lunchtime, when the team gathers to go over game strategy. I go and search for Nikki.


    Secrets of Os & For Love Romance

 Chapter 32

    Ask Him Yourself


    Nikkis jaw drops the moment she sees me. She points at me, standing from her spot on her nket.


    "Y-you''re wearing Aiden''s jersey!"


    I smile, "I am."


    "Did he ask you to be his girlfriend?"


    "Yes," I whisper, though he didn''t really ask me. It doesn''t matter though, I''m his girlfriend now and that''s the important thing.


    Nikki squeals, pping her hands together as she turns to dig up something from her bag, "I have something to show you, too."


    She pulls out her own jersey, this one with the number 16 and thest name ck. My eyes widen. "Is that Parker''s jersey?"


    She nods like crazy. "I was going to tell you yesterday, but you didn''te to school."


    She beams down at the jersey while I sift through my thoughts


    Chronomentrophobia: Fear of clocks.


    "He took me out to dinner Sunday night, he got me this," she points to the cute little ne she''s wearing, gold with white flowers.


    "That''s beautiful!*


    "I know, right, he has such good taste."


    I snort. "Well he chose you, so yeah, I''d say he does."


    "That''s right, bitch," She yfully nudges me and we sit down to eat lunch.


    I tell her about my weekend, about Aiden. I leave Zaid and Jake outpletely, because even I have a hard time no judging myself. For now, it just has to remain my secret.


    She tells me more about her and Parker but she stops halfway through her sentence when


    Ask Him Yourself


    shadow appears behind me. She lifts her face to look up and her eyes widen.


    I turn, frowning at Jace. He stands there looking between the two of us with his nostrils ring. "You happy?"


    I recoil, standing. "What?"


    He scoffs, his eyes taking in the jersey I''m wearing. "I can''t believe you," he sneers, frowning as he looks down at me.


    I can feel Nikki stand behind me, her presence wee. Jace is alone, which is


    odd but I say nothing about that. "What are you talking about?"


    "What do you mean what am I talking about, do I really have to spell it out for you?"


    "Do I look like I can read your mind?" I cross my arms over my chest.


    he He scoffs, looking away as he drags his hand down his face. When he looks back at me, has a sorrowful look in his eyes, a serious expression in his set jaw. "Zaid? After everything, you''re just walking around sucking face with Aiden, wearing his jersey? Aiden of all people?"


    I sigh, rolling my eyes. "I don''t owe him anything for saving me with Will, Jace. And if he has such a problem with it, then why doesn''t hee and talk to me himself?"


    Even as I say the words, I hope to god that Jace doesn''t repeat them to Zaid. After the way he kissed me at Parker''s party, I did not want to be anywhere near him.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Nikki sighs, cing a hand on my shoulder. "You haven''t heard?"


    My eyes swing between them, "No? Haven''t heard what?"


    "Zaid got expelled," Jace spits.


    My eyes widen. "What?"


    Nikki nods. "Will''s parents were furious and got all involved and shit. They demanded Zaid not be allowed on campus ever again."


    The tips of my ears burn hot and I shake my head, my voice breathy."That''s not... that''s not fair. Zaid was just defending me."


    Ask Him Yourself


    Jace nods, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, we know that."


    "What happened to Will?"


    He shakes his head, "Nothing. He yed the victim well. He''s still recovering from what I heard, but he should be back in sses next week."


    My stomach turns at the idea of seeing him again, and my chest constricts with guilt. "Why didn''t they ask me, I would have defended Zaid, why didn''t they call me? Will should be the one that got expelled."


    Jace frowns. "Will didn''t bring you up, that would only make things worse for him."


    That makes sense, but still. "What about Zaid? Bringing me up would have helped him."


    "He refused to bring your name up."


    I rub my arms to calm myself, my thumb finding the scar on my wrist. "Why?"


    Jace shakes his head like he can''t believe we''re having this conversation."Why don''t you ask him yourself?"


    "I don''t know if that''s a good idea," Nikki mutters.


    "You know, you all give him such a bad rap, have you ever stopped to think that maybe he''s not the bad guy around here?" Jace is exasperated and he walks away, shaking his head like he''s disappointed with us.


    I turn to Nikki who has her lips twisted together, but when she notices my expression she immediately shakes her head and parts her lips. "Alina, don''t cry. This isn''t your fault."


    She wraps her arms around me and holds me close. I rx into her. "Why does it feel like my fault?"


    "It''s not, I promise. If it''s anyone''s fault, it''s Sadie''s. And Will''s."


    "But Zaid got expelled, because of-"


    "Hey," Nikki pulls back, keeping her hands on my shoulders as she reads my expression. "Is it wrong for me to think he would have eventually gotten expelled


    on his own? I mean he hardly even showed up to ss."


    Ask Him Yourself


    I shake my head, holding back myugh. "He never did."


    The bell rings and I sigh, pulling away from her hold. We pick up our stuff from the


    floor and make our ways to our respective sses.


    I sit next to her in ourst ss, where she finally put on Parker''s jersey.


    "Hey, wanna head to my house after school? We can chill out there until the game starts."


    I agree immediately, the thought of going home making my stomach revolt. "Yes, please."


    "We can stop at the store on the way there and get some snacks."


    I smile wide. "That sounds fun!"


    We get through the rest of ss and half an hourter, we''re at her house, in her


    room with chips and ice cream on her bed.


    "Parker told me there will be scouts at today''s game."


    I take a spoonful of mint chocte chip. "Aiden told me, too."


    "Is he interested in ying in college?" She''s eating rocky road, and tilts her head


    in


    question.


    "I think he is now, though that wasn''t always the case."


    "Yeah, I don''t remember him ever talking about it."


    I roll over to my stomach. "This could be a life changing night for the both of them,


    it''s


    exciting!"


    We get ready together, adding school colors in our hair in the form of ribbons, and


    make


    our way to school,

 Chapter 33

    My Lucky Charm-1


    The gym is packed when we get there, buzzing with excitement.


    Nikki looks over at me, her mouth wide. "I have never seen so many people at a game!"


    We make our way through the crowd, both of us wearing the jerseys. People look our way, and when they see what we''re wearing, they cheer in our faces. The energy is wild and I find myself smiling with them, fist bumping those who reach out to me.


    We find a spot on the home side, surrounded by cheering fans with painted faces and


    handmade signs.


    "Wow, they really go all out," I chuckle.


    Nikki nods, "They do, I think we should paint our faces for the next game."


    I can''t help butugh, "Alright, let''s do it."


    A song begins to y off the speakers, a steady bass, deep and loud. The people


    go crazy and they stomp on the bleachers, they shake beneath us. Nikki takes my hand and jumps, forcing me to join her.


    "They''reing!"


    I look to where the locker room doors are and sure enough, Melview''s varsity basketball teames spilling out of the doors. They''re wearing their blue home uniform, and they jump, looking to the bleachers with raised arms.


    They drink in the attention, like our cheers are physical things they can catch.


    Parker spots Nikki and blows her a kiss, Nikki returns it and squeals, jumping up and


    down.


    I look through the team and spot Aiden, my stomach immediatelying alive with butterflies. He winks to me across the court and I inhale, waving at him nervously.


    I''ve never been much of a sports fan, let alone a basketball fan. Still, as soon as the whistle goes off, signaling the star of the game, I''m bouncing on my toes. The people in the bleachers don''t sit, so it forces Nikki and I to stay on our feet, asionally lifting


    My Lucky Charm-1


    ourselves to the tips of our toes.


    The ref blows their whistle.


    I frown. "What is that for?"


    "A foul," Nikki tries to look around the person in front of her.


    "For what?"


    She shrugs. "I have no idea."


    I try to refrain from asking her anymore questions throughout the game because I learn all too quickly that she probably knows less than I do. It''s kind of funny, actually.


    For most of the game, the teams are neck and neck, trading points easily. The cheering is equal on both sides of the court and the coaches are yelling their heads off as fouls are


    called left and right.


    Turns out, as we figured out from a conversation we overheard, this early season game


    would determine who had the upper hand when it came down to state.


    The intensity is palpable, the plowers growing agitated with every passing minute. I look


    down, spotting the scouts that Aiden had told me about. They watch every move with keenly observing eyes. Clipboards in their hands for quick notes and polos with their schools'' logo and colors.


    They look intimidating and I can understand why Aiden was feeling as nervous as he was this morning. The point at yers, whispering to each other, nodding and frowning. Not once do I see them crack smiles and it makes me unexinably


    nervous.


    I return my attention to the game, finding Aiden as he runs the ball across the court. I really hope they see how good Aiden is tonight.


    The first half of the game is brutal, and thankfully over. A few yers from both teams ended up getting kicked out, but Aiden and Parker were still in when the whistle blew.


    The other team was getting frustrated. They were expecting this to be an easy win but our team was holding out, ying better in some cases, from what little I understood about the game.


    8:21 pm


    My Lucky Charm-1


    Aiden looks to me in the stands as the team heads to the lockers, he doesn''t do anything, just looks to me. I press my hand to my chest, where I can feel my heart beating against it. He turns from me, following his team.

 Chapter 34

    My Lucky Charm-2


    I don''t realize how much tension I hold on my body until I exhale and look at Nikki.


    She''s smiling at me, her gaze knowing.


    "Damn, Aiden looks at you like he wants to eat you.''


    I snort. "Yeah. Hey, imma go to the bathroom. I''ll be right back."


    "Okay, I''ll go after you, I''m afraid if we both go, someone will take our seats."


    I sidestep in front of her and jog to the bathroom and do my business. It is not until I''m heading back to the gym that I run into a problem.


    Jake.


    He''s in the hallway, waiting in line at the concession stand. The moment we make eye contact, I freeze.


    He very obviously stills, his eyes taking in the jersey I''m wearing. His nostrils re, but even as my lungs ache like all oxygen has left them, I keep my head high and walk past


    him.


    No. I am not going to let Jake ruin tonight.


    Cheimaphobia: Fear of cold.


    Heliophobia: Fear of sunlight.


    Blennophobia: Fear of slime.


    Alektorophobia: Fear of chickens.


    I walk fast, knowing the quicker I get to the gym, the easier it will be to focus on something else.


    I give Nikki the chance to to go to the bathroom. The entire time she''s gone, I keep my neck stone still, not giving myself the chance to look around the gym. Knowing me, I would look for him.


    Catoptrophobia: Fear of mirrors.


    The second half begins, and Nikki and I go crazy, Aiden and Parker are ying like they are a single person. They y off each other as if they could read each other''s mind. They dominate the court and the other team misses every opportunity they get. I nce at the scouts, who are clearly taking notice, jotting down notes as they watch.


    The clock winds down, the tension now unbearable. It doesn''t take long for there to only be single digit seconds disyed on the scoreboard. The scores are still close and every possession feels like it could change the course of the game.


    As the timees to an end, it''s Aiden that is in possession of the ball.


    He weaves through the defenders, Parker right beside him. He takes thest shot just as the buzzer sounds,


    Everyone is quiet and I can feel my heart in my throat.


    The ball sails the air and-


    Swish.


    The balls goes in.


    The gym erupts intoplete chaos.


    I jump, hugging Nikki as we both scream and join everyone else in the celebration. Air horns go off, silly string flies in the air and the bleachers shake beneath us from all the jumping.


    Nikki takes my hand, pulling me with her down the bleachers and onto the court. I can''t see much because of the crowd around me but Aide finds me quick. D


    Before I know it, his arms around my waist and his lips against mine.


    His sweat drips down onto me, but I don''t care. His hands dig into my waist and he kisses


    me like it''s all he''s ever wanted to do.


    We pull away and I can''t help butugh from pure joy at the look on his face. "You


    did


    it!"


    My Lucky Charm-2


    He shakes his head, lifting me in the air to spin me around. "You''re my lucky charm."


    He kisses me again and for a moment everything around us disappears, it''s just us. Just


    1. us.


    Until I''m bumped closer to him. The team swarms us, celebrating as they hoot loudly. Aiden gives me and apologetic look but all I can do is shrug. I can''t me them.


    Aiden keeps his hold on me, but joins in on the celebrations.


    I can''t stop looking at him. There''s something so alluring about him, so refreshing. When he smiles down at me, my heart hammers in my chest.


    Even with knowing him for such a short amount of time, I know one thing for sure.


    Aiden''s the kind to love with all his heart.

 Chapter 35

    My Favorite of Aiden''s Girlfriends


    Iugh at something Nikki says, throwing my head back.


    I''m ted, excited and the ends of my fingers tingle from the rush of emotions that have been passing through me all night.


    The night air is warm, and yet cool with slight breeze. We''re standing outside the gym, waiting for Aiden and Parker to finish showering and changing in the locker


    room.


    The energy from the game is still in the air, and we can hear music sting from


    cars as


    they pull out of the parking lot.


    "That game was insane. I mean, Parker was so good, and then Aiden? That was awesome,"


    Nikki squeals, her eyes sparkling as she looks at me.


    I nod, trying to focus on the conversation. "They were both amazing, I didn''t realize


    basketball games could be so exciting."


    "Girl, wait until they start getting closer to state."


    "I can''t imagine."


    The lights from the gym cast long shadows on the ground and I wrap my arms around


    myself. The noise has quieted enough for me to start getting nervous. We''re probably the


    I nce at the doors, eager for Aiden toe out so we can get out of here and do


    whatever they have nned to celebrate.


    Nikki starts to say something, but my ears stop working. Her voice is muffled as I focus on


    the figure that emerges from the shadows, rounding the corner of the building.


    "Alina," Jake''s voice cut through the night, making my heart race.


    "Hey, Mr. Matthews," Nikki chirps from beside me, smiling wide at him.


    He throws her a casual face, his gaze returning to me with a heated re. He takes in the jersey I''m wearing again.


    My Favorite of Aiden''s Girlfriends


    A wave of tension crashes over me and I try to steady my breathing as much as possible before speaking. "Mr. Matthews, what are you doing here?"


    His throat moves with his heavy swallow and he shrugs. "I just wanted to thank you foring out to support Aiden. It means a lot to him."


    I nod stiffly, hoping Nikki doesn''t notice my unease, hoping she can''t read my mind as it practically shouts out that I''m standing in front of the man I basically had a sex


    marathon with.


    Who also happens to be my boyfriend''s dad.


    "Uh, yeah, of course. It was a big game." I tuck my hair behind my ear and step back, closer to the wall behind me.


    Nikki nces between us, her eyebrows slightly frowned. "Uhhh, how have you been, Mr. Matthews?"


    Jake peels his eyes away from me, the struggle evident in the way his jaw clenches. "Good,


    Nikki. How have you been?"


    "Great. Busy with school and everything, you know."


    He smiles, stiffly and it doesn''t reach his eyes. "That''s good to hear. Like I always say,


    you''ve been my favorite of Aiden''s girlfriends. I remind him every day how he fumbled the bag with you."


    Oh god, I just want the floor to open up and swallow me whole.


    Nikki awkwardlyughs, grabbing my arm. "Oh, trust me, Alina is perfect for Aiden. They


    look good together, don''t you think?"


    My body feels like it''s going to fall apart from how nauseous I feel and how much my


    stomach flips. My eyes flutter to Jake, and there is nothing but anger and jealousy in his dark eyes.


    "Sure," He mutters.


    My hands turn sweaty and I offer Nikki as much of a smile as I can muster. Myposure is holding on by a thread and I hate the feeling of my control slipping away. I swipe my


    My Favorite of Aiden''s Girlfriends


    finger across my scar.


    "Well, I won''t keep you," Jake says, his eyes lingering on me for a moment longer than


    necessary.


    As he walks away, I let out a loose breath and Nikki turns to me with wide eyes. "That was he awkward."


    I nod.


    "I''m sorry he said that about me and Aiden. I don''t know why he did that."


    I shake my head. "It''s not your fault."


    He did that on purpose. Either to hurt me or to ease his hurt. Still, it''s incredibly childish


    and for a moment it makes me d that I ended things with him.


    Even as my heart drums in my chest from the adrenaline of seeing him.


    "Are you okay, Alina?" Nikki asks, concern in her voice and a hand patting my


    back.


    I force a smile and stand up straight, trying to act natural. "Yeah, I''m fine. Like you said, it was just awkward."


    The door to the guy bangs open. Aiden and Parker step out,ughing and


    chatting, in their own little world. They make their way toward us, relief making my shoulders drop at


    the sight of Aiden.


    The carefree way in which he walks andughs with Parker is a wee change to the


    tension Jake just left us with.


    "Hey,dies,¡± Parker calls out, wrapping an arm around Nikki. ¡°Ready to celebrate?"


    Nikki beams at him, kissing him before breaking into a fit of giggles. I turn from them, smiling at Aiden. His eyes drink me in, filled with warmth. Not just hunger, not just heat,


    but with actual affection.


    "You ready to go, baby?" He slips an arm around my waist, leaning down to nibble


    on my


    neck.


    My Favorite of Aiden''s Girlfriends


    I chuckle, his breath tickling. "Yeah, but go where?"


    "Just to some old-fashion celebratory fun," Parker winks at us, leading Nikki away


    with


    his arm over her shoulder.


    "It''s so much fun, trust me," Nikki smiles.


    They go to Parker''s car and Aiden leads me away to his car.


    "What are we doing?" I look up to Aiden.


    He sets his bag in the back seat, "You''ll see. We do it after every game we win.


    The whole


    team will be there and a few of our friends. I can''t wait to introduce you to everyone."


    I let him open the car door for me and when he sits in the driver''s seat I grab his hand, cing it on my thigh. He keeps it there, smiling at me as he drives off. Though most of the tension has melted from my shoulders, there''s still a shiver that makes me tremble.


    It''s fed by the image of dark, jealous, angry eyes.


    Kenophobia: The fear of empty or wide-open spaces.

 Chapter 36

    Future Hopes and Past Secrets-1


    We pull up to a parking lot, a park in front of us.


    I unbuckle my seatbelt, but Aiden grabs my hand and keeps me there. He looks down at our fingers and smiles. "I want to tell you something before we join everyone else."


    Worry creeps up my skin. "Is something wrong?"


    He lifts his eyes to mine and shakes his head. "No. Theplete opposite."


    There''s a moment of silence, like peaceful rity. His lips tremble into that beautiful smile of his and I swear I see tears in is eyes.


    "UCLA told coach they''re interested in me."


    My mouth drops open and I reach for him, wrapping my arms around him. "Aiden. That''s amazing."


    He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. "It doesn''t mean anything yet."


    I pull away and hold his face between my hands. "They''re interested, Aiden. This is how it


    all starts."


    "They''re going to watch me the rest of the season and see how I hold up, but if I y like I yed today, I''ll finally have a n for my life."


    My stomach swirls with excitement and I kiss him, pulling on his hair to bring him closer to me until the air I breathe is his skin.


    He kisses me back, his tongue in my mouth and his hands beneath my shirt.


    His sweet affectionate touch, finally turns into a hungry grab that has me pulling back to


    catch my breath.


    He grimaces, leaning his forehead on mine. "God, Alina. I want to do so many things to you right now-"


    "Yes," I breathe into him, gripping his arms.


    "But we have to go out there, they''re waiting for us."


    9:22 pm


    Future Hopes and Past Secrets-1


    I sigh, disappointed and pull away, smiling. "Let''s go then."


    He groans, yfully rolling his eyes as we get out of the car. Immediately I smell the smoke, and the next second I see the warm glow of the bonfire in the distance,


    As we walk, hand in hand, I see how the team has gathered pic tables and set them in a circle around the fire.


    Pizzas and drinks areid out on one table and all the other ones are taken up by the team and a few other people I do not recognize.


    The moment they all spot us, the team breaks out in cheers.


    "Captain! Captain! Captain!" They chat, stomping their feet on the ground and shaking


    the tables.


    Aiden smiles wide at them, shaking his head as he takes a seat on one of the pic tables. His arm wraps around my waist and he sets me down on hisp.


    It takes me only a few minutes to realize this isn''t some rager, loud party. It''s just the team getting together to wholeheartedly celebrate their win and their hard work.


    The conversation flows so naturally, the guysplimenting each other and talking about what teams they think they will beat easily verus the ones they will have to fight for.


    I watch Aiden talk, give his opinion and my heart bursts with a new wave of affection. He uplifts them, and by the way they listen to him, I can tell they think the world of him.


    At one point, the conversation breaks and Nikki nudges me to go with her to get food. Aiden lets me go and he talks with Parker and a few other yers.


    "I''m starving!" Nikki chuckles, grabbing a few slice of pizza and drinks.


    "Me, too." I don''t know why I lied, my stomach was too busy flipping around inside


    me


    for me to be hungry.


    "I''ll be at the table, I''m taking this to Parker," Nikki walks away with a smile on her face and I find myself alone.


    I exhale, grabbing a slice to keep up with appearances.


    8.22 pm


    Future Hopes and Past Secrets-1


    "Hey."


    I look up, to Evan, one of the basketball yers. He has a smile on his face and


    he reaches


    for a ginger ale.

 Chapter 37

    Future Hopes and Past Secrets-2


    "Hey."


    "You having fun?" his tone is friendly but his eyes a bit loose from the drinks.


    "Yeah, it''s great," I reply, smiling.


    He studies me for a moment and I frown, trying to read the expression on his face.


    "Can I ask you a question?"


    I steal a nce to Aiden, who is still in conversation with Parker. "Uh, sure."


    Evan leans in slightly, lowering his voice. "Has Aiden ever told you what happened


    between him and Zaid?"


    The question catches me off guard and I recoil. "What do you mean?"


    He purses his lips together. "I''m just wondering."


    Curiosity has me taking the bait. "All I know is that Zaid is not a big fan of Aiden,


    but beyond that I am not sure. Why? Do you know?"


    He shakes his head. "No. I do know it''s moreplicated than that, though. They used to


    be best friends."


    I blink, shock spreading through me. "Wait, what?"


    "Yeah, they were inseparable. They yed on the team together. We all did."


    I cough, pressing a hand to my chest. I''ve been harboring guilt for what happened to Zaid, and learning this puts a weird feeling in my gut. "Really?"


    "Yeah, I mean. Have you not seen the pictured in the gym hallway? Zaid was like, really good. Even better than Aiden."


    I steal another nce at Aiden, my nostrils ring and my heart hammering in my chest. "Really? I had no idea."


    Aiden''s been secretive about this. On purpose. He knows that it was Zaid that saved me


    8:22 pm


    Future Hopes and Past Secrets-2


    from Will, right? He knows that he got expelled, right?


    "Yeah, Zaid was our team captain before Aiden. He got badly injured one game, everyone saw it. Tore his knee real bad. They told him he''d never y again. That''s when everything changed. When Zaid changed. You know he went to juvie?"


    I nod, swallowing even though my mouth is as dry as the desert. I put my te down. "Do you know why he went to juvie?"


    "That''s the thing, no one really knows the whole story. Some say he killed


    someone in an ident, some say he only injured someone. Something about street racing?"


    I grip the end of the table to keep myself upright. Car ident.


    Metal, burning metal, fire, gas, asphalt.


    I breathe in slow, closing my eyes.


    "Alina?" Evan puts his hand on my back to ground me. "You okay?"


    I shake my head, hoping Aiden has not noticed me falling apart over here. "I''m good.


    What else do you know?"


    "That''s about it. Aiden and Zaid stopped talking when Zaid got back, and if you bring it up to either one of them, they get really angry about it. It''s like this huge school secret that no one really talks about. I was just curios if you knew, because I''m a bit nosey."


    He grimaces like if what he just admitted is the worst thing in the world.


    "Please don''t tell Aiden I asked."


    "I won''t," I shake my head, nerves trembling all throughout.


    "Sorry," He whispers, walking away like he''s trying to sneak away from a ghost.


    I stand there, my mind racing with the new information. I look over to Aiden, who


    isughing with his teammates,pletely unaware of the the bombshell that had just been dropped on myp.


    Part of me wonders if I even have anything to be angry about.


    Future Hopes and Past Secrets-2


    Aiden is allowed to have his past and his secrets, just like me. I don''t know what happened between them, but it''s not for me to judge.


    I return to him and he kisses my forehead. I let myself melt into him, forgetting about the secrets he holds from the past. I have secrets too, and even now I have no desire to talk


    about them.

 Chapter 38

    Tell Me About Her-1


    The next day at school passes dreadfully slow.


    We''re all tired, our eyes red from staying out sotest night at the bonfire.


    People are a little less whispery around us, some even saying hi to me when they see us Aiden and I walking together. I don''t think I''ve seen the worst of the bacsh for dating him though, because Sadie hasn''t been in school all week.


    I''m afraid of what will happen when I see her.


    I spend lunch with Aiden, sitting on isp and Nikki sitting on the opposite side of the table,ughing with Parker.


    By the time shool is over, I am ready to go home and knock out on my bed.


    Aiden meets me by the door of myst ss, instantly wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in for a kiss. I breathe into him as he deepens it, swirling his tongue in my mouth.


    "Mmm, I miss you," he hums.


    I chuckle, pulling away but keeping our faces close."You''ve seen me every day, Aiden."


    He thrusts his hips into mine, hissing. "You know what I mean."


    My stomach flutters.


    "Want toe over tonight when I''m done with practice?"


    I nod, pressing a kiss against his lips.


    "Spend the night?"


    I hum, "Are you going to make it worthwhile for me?"


    He cups me between the legs, dragging his teeth across my earlobe. "You tell


    me."


    I press my legs together. "Okay, okay. I''ll stay over."


    Tell Me About Her-1


    Heughs against my lips. "I''ll text you when we''re done, baby."


    He kisses me again, dipping me low enough for me to panic and grab onto his


    arms.


    "Aiden!"


    With a chuckle, he lifts me up, and kisses me onest time before walking toward the gym. I huff as I watch him walk away, wishing we could go straight to his house right


    now.


    I walk out of campus and start my way home. I hear the engine of a car in the parking lot and I look up, my heart mming in my chest.


    Zaid is there, in his car, his gaze locked on me. He watches me and when I still, he gives me a stiff nod. O


    I swallow, my mouth dry. He doesn''t say anything, no words pass between us, but I know


    what he''s asking me. I don''t really think about it, because I''ve been thinking about him


    since yesterday.


    I have questions for him and I need answers.


    I sit on the passenger side, and he drives away, not speaking a word. The ride is quiet, the


    entire time and I anxiously pick at the scar on my wrist.


    Thirty minutester I''m sitting across from Zaid, the diner quieter thanst time, through still full of different conversations and clinking dishes.


    "Youe here a lot?"


    He shrugs, not even looking at the menu as he orders us drinks and some fries. "It''s


    nostalgic."


    His eyes are pensive, serious and it triggers a curiosity in me. "Why?"


    He turns to face me, studying me for a second before he whispers. "It was my mom''s favorite ce."


    I exhale, my chest caving in as it aches. He asked me about my brotherst time we were here, he asked me because he wanted me to ask him about his mom. "Can you tell me about her?"


    Tell Me About Her-1


    His reaction is immediate. A sh of anger crosses his eyes and his jaw tightens while his nostrils re. He looks away, staring out the window before turning back to me.


    I swallow, trying to find the right words to tell him it''s okay if he can''t talk about her yet, or right now.


    But he beats me to it, shaking his head with a bitterugh. "My mom? I feel like I don''t know how to talk about her."


    "I just... you don''t have to. It''s just that I can tell she meant a lot to you."


    Heughs louder. "Meant a lot? That''s an understatement."


    I wrap my arms around myself, and just likest time, we are interrupted by the


    waitress as she puts a basket of fries in front of us and our two drinks.


    Chapter Comments


    yols za

 Chapter 39

    Tell Me About Her-2


    Zaid takes a breath. "She was everything."


    The pain in his voice is palpable, and I feel a pang of guilt for bringing it up.


    His hands clench into fists on the table. "She was funny. She had this way of making everything better, no matter how bad things got. Always smiling, alwaysughing."


    He pauses his eyes distant as if he was seeing her in his mind. "When she died, everything fell apart. My dad, my- we couldn''t hold it together without her."


    His voice drops to a whisper, so soft I almost don''t hear it.


    "It was all my fault."


    The words hang in the air, so heavy that they make it hard for me to breathe. "What do


    you mean?"


    He shakes his head, the pain in his eyes too much for me. "Forget it."


    "Zaid-"


    He cuts me off. "How''s school? You know, now that I''m not there."


    I grimace, hugging myself tighter. "About that. I''m sorry I got you expelled."


    He shrugs. "It wasn''t your fault. Besides, I''m sure everyone was expecting it to happen


    one way or another."


    "You could have told the principal that you did it to save me."


    He frowns, his eyes narrowing as they take me in. "I''m 19, love."


    "Okay?" I shrug, reaching for a french fry.


    "Will''s parents were threatening to press charges if the school didn''t get rid of me.


    I didn''t want you to be in the middle of that. Testifying and shit."


    "You were...protecting me?" I chew slowly, trying to distract myself from the way my heart flutters in my chest.


    Tell Me About Her-2


    He looks away to the window, his jaw clenching. "Yeah. Listen, I''m sorry I left you here that day. And for...for the way I was at Parker''s party. I was drunk."


    I bury my fingers into my arms, trying to stop the heat that inevitably bleeds into my cheeks. "I guess, we can call it even, then."


    He nods, taking a sip of his drink.


    Something else is gnawing at the back of my head and I breathe in. "Can I ask you


    something?"


    He lifts an eyebrow. "I can''t promise I''ll answer it."


    I roll my eyes, suddenly that meaningful moment between us gone. I take a sip of


    my soda, looking down at myp as I ask."Why are you and Aiden not friends anymore?"


    He recoils, frowning. "Friends?"


    "Yeah."


    He looks skeptical and leans back in the booth. "What has Aiden told you?"


    I pop my lips, exhaling. "Nothing, someone else asked me and-"


    "Who?"


    I blink. "Evan."


    He snorts. "Evan was always a loudmouth, can''t keep anything to himself. Especially when he''s drinking."


    Yeah, Evan had been drinking when he asked me all those questions. "So, what happened?"


    He shake his head, "Nah, love. That''s a question for your boyfriend. Not me."


    He says the word with such disgust that I find myself flinching. Still, I pry. "Why?"


    "Trust me. You need to hear it from him." He takes a handful of fries, popping them into


    his mouth.


    Tell Me About Her-2


    I twist my lips together, feeling my heartbeat in my ears. I came here to get answers from him and I am not going to back out now. "Evan also told me that you went to juvie."


    Of course Nikki did too, but I am not going to bring her into this.


    He stills. "Oh?"


    "He doesn''t know much about that either, but he did mention that it had something


    to do with street racing, like a car ident."


    He twirls his tongue around his mouth, pressing it against his cheeks. "That''s not something I want to talk about, Alina."


    "Is that how you got your scar?"


    He ms his hand on the table and I flinch. ¡°No. It''s not. And we''re not talking about


    this."


    I know I''m pushing, but I can''t stop. "But-"


    "Fuck, Alina. Leave it alone."


    I blink at him, my nerves rattling through me.


    He scoff, shaking his head. "Let''s go, I''ll take


    you home."


    He drops money on the table and walk away without waiting for me. I follow behind him, somehow feeling worse than I did that say he abandoned me here.

 Chapter 40

    Like a Piece of Meat-1


    "I''m sorry," I whisper, just as he starts the car.


    He shakes his head. "Don''t apologize. I did the same thing to you, or do you not


    remember?"


    I sink into my seat remembering how it felt when he began to read the article about my ident, when he forced me into a panic attack.


    The tension between us increases until I''m bouncing my leg on the ground to try and bnce myself. He''s angry, and it''sing off of him in waves. He grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white.


    My phone vibrates in my back pocket.


    A: Hey. I''m home now, need me to pick you up?


    I roll my tongue inside my mouth and don''t answer, instead I look outside the window, taking in the desertndscape.


    It think about thest time I was on this road, about Jake and how that seemed to be the start of everything for me. The start of Jake and then the start of Aiden.


    Koumpounophobia - Fear of buttons.


    Rhytiphobia - Fear of getting wrinkles.


    I fidget, remembering the sight of his broken heart stered so clearly in his eyes. My heart rate increasing as I remember how angry he looked after the game, how he watched


    me as if I had ruined him.


    I''m so in my head, my mind spinning that I don''t even realize we are in town until Zaid pulls the car a stop.


    I blink, frowning as realize that we''re in Aiden''s driveway.


    "How-why are we here?"


    Zaid tilts his head. "You''re going to tell that wasn''t Aiden texting you earlier to tell you


    Like a Piece of Meat-1


    he''s done with practice?"


    Had he been reading my messages? I look away from him and unbuckle my seatbelt. "You know where he lives?"


    He smirks but it doesn''t reach his eyes. "Yes. Small town. Ex-best friends and all that


    shit."


    "Right," I exhale. It''s weird, to picture them as friends and even more devastating to think about the possibility that Zaid knows Aiden better than I do. What if he is right about Aiden being worse than what he portrays himself to be?


    I can''t let myself think like that.


    It will be a snowball effect, starting with Jace, made worse by Evan and now Zaid.


    I step out of the car, but before I can shut the door, Zaid stops me.


    "Alina."


    I bend over, looking at him through the open door. "Yeah?"


    He smiles sadly. "Can I ask you for a favor?"


    A favor? It''s an odd request from him and curiosity has me nodding.


    "Tomorrow at school, go to the gym hallway and look at the basketball section." "Why?"


    He shakes his head. "Just do it."


    "I''m not going to do it until you tell me why."


    He sighs and drops his hand from the steering wheel. "I''m not going to tell you. Trust me,


    just do it."


    With that, he reached over and closes the car door in front of me, pulling out of the driveway and leaving me standing there. I have to give myself a few seconds to breathe, a few seconds to dispel the image of him reaching over, his wingspan long enough to grab


    the door handle.


    Like a Piece of Meat-1


    His car disappears after a curve and my mind races with more questions. What can I possibly learn from pictures and awards given to the basketball team?


    I shake my head, promising myself to not think about Zaid for the rest of the night and head to the front door.


    My hand trembles as I knock, praying to all the gods of the universe to please not let Jake answer the door. They answer for once, as it''s Aiden at the door with a wide smile on his


    face.


    "Hey, you didn''t text me back."


    I shrug, "Surprise."


    He either ignores the tension in my face, or he ispletely unaware of it. He says nothing and a secondter his lips are on mine, his arms wrapping around my waist. He swings me into the house and closes the door without lifting his lips from mine.


    Every thought, every worry in the back of my head disappears, melting as I lose myself in


    his kiss and his embrace.


    He pulls back, gently cupping my face. "Wanna head upstairs?¡±


    I nod, smiling up at him.


    He takes my hand, and leads me up the stairs. "My dad''s not here today."


    "Oh?" I try to sound uninterested, uninvested, but my voicees out so broken.


    "Yeah, he''s out on a date, so we have the house to ourselves."

 Chapter 41

    Like a Piece of Meat-2


    Date? I blink, hating how much that affects me even while I''m holding Aiden''s hand and heading to his room.


    Rhytiphobia - Fear of getting wrinkles


    Mysophobia - Fear of germs or dirt


    Dendrophobia - Fear of trees


    Aiden flops on his bed, pulling me with him until I fall beside him. I can''t help but giggle at him, resting my head on his arm. His fingers trace circles on my arms as he smiles.


    "How was practice today?" I whisper, running my hands through his hair.


    "It was...intense," he narrows his eyes, his voice filled with excitement. "Coach is really pushing us, he thinks we could win the state championship."


    "Wow," I tilt my head. "That would be amazing."


    "And guess what?"


    "What?"


    "UCLA wants me to visit their campus next month."


    I lift my head to look at him, my eyes wide with surprised. "Aiden, that''s amazing. That means they''re really serious about you, huh?"


    He nods, grinning widely, "I mean nothing''s official yet, but this is a good thing."


    I cup his cheeks, kissing him softly. "Of course it is. I''m so happy for you."


    He deepens the kiss and I let myself melt into his arms.


    The weight in my chest disappears. With Aiden, everything feels lighter, simpler, happier. I forget about my own troubles, and I feed off of his excitement. I feed off of his easy-


    going life, watching as his dreames together.


    His fingers trail down my waist, under the hem of my shirt and into the waistband of my


    8:05 pm


    Like a Piece of Meat-2


    shorts. I grab onto his wrist, moaning when he slips his fingers between my lips and straight to my clit.


    Aiden pulls away from my lips, kissing my neck until he''s at my cor bone. He nips at my skin and when I gasp, he chuckles deeply against me.


    "How was your day today, baby?" He whispers, circling my clit.


    Really? He''s asking me this now? I don''t want to talk about my day. I don''t want to talk at all, I just want to lose myself in his touch.


    "It was-" I choke on my words as he lowers his fingers and slips one inside me.


    "It was what, baby?" He pulls my shirt down with his other hand, moving my bra so his lips find my nipple quickly.


    ¡°Aiden," I groan, circling my hips around.


    He chuckles again, pulling at my nipple with his teeth before letting me go


    I breathe heavily from the anticipation and we both undress, Aiden rolling a


    condom on before making his way back to me.


    "Do you remember what I told youst time?" He pumps his erect cock, and that draws my attention.


    I shake my head, fuck, I forgot how big he is.


    He smirks and pumps once. "Get on all fours, I want your ass in the air."


    My cheeks heat and my mouth dries. Right. He said he wanted to take me from behind. I turn away from him, settling on my knees and elbows, my lips parting when I look up and notice his mirror right in front of me.


    He grabs onto my hips, pulling my hair so I look directly at the reflection. "Keep your eyes


    on yourself. You look perfect when you''re getting fucked."


    My entire body breaks into goosebumps and I feel his cock pushing into my entrance.


    Like a Piece of Meat-2


    "Keep your eyes on yourself, baby."


    I blink away from him, my mouth parting on a long moan as he pushes inside. I


    stretch,


    painfully.


    "Aiden," I hiss.


    He keeps pushing in, his pace slow, and he doesn''t rx until there''s no more of him. His fingers dig into my hips and he holds me there, looking at me through the reflection of


    the mirror.


    I pulse around him at the image of him behind me. His chest rising and falling with every heavy breath. He''s beautiful to look at, so beautiful. He lowers a hand to my clit and I gasp, moaning when he circles it.


    "So wet. So tight. So ready to just take my cock, aren''t you, baby?"


    I nod greedily.


    He slides out and back in, I arch my back, pushing back into him.


    "So fucking, sexy."


    I flutter around him.


    Aiden moans. "I can''t go slow, baby. Not this time."


    I shake my head. "Please, don''t. Just, just take me. Please."


    He growls, taking his hand from my clit and wrapping his hands around my neck, pressing a finger between my lips. It the only indication I get of just how hard he can fuck.


    I cry as he ms into me. It''s like he stretches me more with each thrust and my pussy


    turns wet, crying from how good it feels.


    Aiden begins to sweat, his breath picking up as he fucks me like his life depends on it.


    Just what I want.


    I just want to be like any other girl getting mmed into. I''m no one special, no


    one different. I''m not the girl that just moved across the country after losing her family. I''m


    Like a Piece of Meat-2


    not the girl that cries herself to sleep every night and fights her demons in


    nightmares.


    I''m not the girl that has panic attacks at school.


    Not the girl that gets beat up by my boyfriend''s ex.


    For once, I am just a girl falling in love with a boy, getting rammed into like a piece


    of


    meat.

 Chapter 42

    Matthews


    I wake up literally throbbing between my legs.


    I turn around, sighing when I notice that Aiden is already awake, on his phone


    with his arm behind his head. He smiles down at me.


    "Good morning, I was about to wake you up."


    I stretch, frowning. "Why? What time is it?"


    "6:45."


    I scrunch my nose. "Ugh, I have to get ready."


    He kisses my forehead. "Let''s take a shower and I''ll make us breakfast."


    We only kiss in the shower, make out until my mouth hurts, and that breakfast he was talking about is frozen waffles stuffed into a toaster. Still, I get into his car with a smile on my face, my chest warm.


    Content. Normal. This is what I''ve been wishing for, looking for since my dad and my brother were ripped from my life. I''m not looking for excitement, not looking for something extravagant.


    I just want something normal.


    Still, in the back of my head, all I can think about is Zaid''s request.


    Why would he ask me to look at the basketball section?


    Lunche soon enough and I see Aiden and Nikki talking by the tables outside.


    I know they''re waiting for me, but I cane up with some excuse about running


    to the bathroom. I chew on my lip, spinning on my heel and I make my way to the gym hallway,


    my heart pounding in my chest.


    There are some students sitting around the floor, eating their lunches in huddled circles. Some acknowledge me with teasing smiles, but most of them ignore me, only watching me as I make my way down the hall.


    Matthews


    I see the award cases from afar.


    They''re huge, and tall. And they''re filled with trophies, ques and pictured. I look around, smiling to myself when I spot Aiden on a team picture. Looks like it was taken earlier this year.


    I scan the case, looking atst year''s team picture, and then the one'' from the year before that.


    My eyesnd on familiar faces.


    Aiden and Zaid. They look so young, and they''re standing next to each other. Zaid has his arm around Aiden''s shoulders and Aiden is looking up at him.


    Both of them have the widest smiles on their faces.


    My heart lurches in my chest, they look so happy. What could have possibly happened to


    make them hate each other now?


    I look at the awards they one that year and I''m shocked to see that Zaid was the MVP, the


    team captain.


    I smile wide when I see a photo of the team holding him up and throwing him in the air.


    But then, my heart stills in my chest.


    A wave of ice cold shock passes through my blood and I cover my mouth to stop the gasp that escapes my lips. The caption for the photo lists out everyone''s full


    name.


    I shake my head, the surprise too much for me to handle. I take out my phone, my hands. trembling. Aiden sent me a message asking me where I am, but I can''t answer, not now.


    I turn around and get out of the gym. I am more than grateful when the guard at the gate is the same one that Zaid bribed the other day. I hand him a twenty dor bill and leave campus, running down the sidewalk until my side hurts.


    I''m breathing so hard by the time I make it to Aiden''s house.


    Zaid''s house.


    My chest hurts, and I squeal internally when I see Zaid''s car parked outside in the


    Matthews


    driveway, I run to the front door, finding it unlocked.


    "Zaid!" I yell into the seemingly empty house.


    Jake ispletely out of my head at this point and I do not even think about him being here. That''s not what has my attention at this point.


    "Zaid!"


    "Here, love." His voice echoes through the hallways and I know exactly where he


    is.


    I run around the corner, stopping just at the entrance of the kitchen. Zaid stands in front of the counter, a smirk on his face and a sandwich in his hands. He takes a bite, his eyes


    raking over the length of my body.


    My breath is still running from me and I don''t have the words, but even if I did have


    them, I did not have the capability to speak them.


    "I''m guessing you did what I asked?" He hums, crossing his arms on his chest.


    I nod quickly, my nostrils ring. "You''re Zaid."


    He nods, chuckling.


    I click my tongue, that isn''t what I mean, but my mind is spinning. I''m trying to


    keep my consciousness at this point. "You''re Zaid Matthews."


    He smiles wide.


    "You''re Aiden''s brother."


    "Bingo."


    My mouth dries. "You''re Jake''s son."


    That makes him frown and he tilts his head, watching me quietly. "Um, yes, I am."`


    I shouldn''t have mentioned that, but the shock is still to much. I drop my bag to


    the floor and lean over, bncing my weight by cing my hands on my knees. Oh my god.


    Matthews


    Jake, Aiden and Zaid. They''re all Matthews, and I somehow found a way to entangle myself with all three of them.


    "You look pale."


    I flinch, just now noticing that he is squatting right in front of me, his face inches from mine. My body doesn''t respond to my brain signals and I don''t fight him when he wraps. his arms around my waist and sets me down on the counter.


    He tucks my hair behind my ear and I watch him, my mouth turning dry.


    "I feel like an idiot," I whisper.


    He frowns. "How so?"


    "I''m guessing I''m the only person that didn''t know."


    He shrugs. "You are new."


    "Why didn''t anyone say anything."


    He inhales, stepping away from me. "It''s a sort topic. No one really mentions us in


    the


    same sentence anymore."


    I frown and he winces.


    "Not since I beat up a few guys that started talking about Aiden and I behind our backs."


    I close my eyes tight. "I-I shouldn''t be here."


    The adrenaline is wearing off and I flinch away from his touch. Silence drowns us


    as he steps all the way back. "Have you asked Aiden about why I was in juvie?"


    I shake my head.


    He nods, chuckling to himself in disbelief.


    I open my mouth to tell him I''m leaving, when the front door opens. I freeze. It''s


    either Jake or Aiden, and neither option is good for me.


    "Alina?"


    Matthews


    Aiden''s voice cuts through me and I gasp, covering my mouth.


    Zaid''s eyes narrow and points to the stairs with his eyes. "Last door on the left."


    He whispers so quietly and I mouth him a thank you before quietly slipping up the


    stairs


    and into Zaid''s room.

 Chapter 43

    I''m Not Answering That


    The door to Zaid''s bedroom creaks as I push it open, my breath still shaky from everything I''ve just learned.


    Zaid is Aiden''s brother.


    Jake''s son.


    The revtion crashes over me over and over again, making my heart race like I''ve been running for miles, making my stomach turn until I feel like all of my insides will spill out.


    I step into his room, not knowing what to expect, not wanting to have any expectations at all. Still, when I turn from the door and face the room, I''m surprised.


    I expected chaos.


    I expected clothes to be thrown everywhere, maybe even a lingering smell of cologne or


    sweat.


    But it''s not like that at all. It''s neat, meticulously so. The bed is made, the sheets smoothed out as if they haven''t been touched in days. A small shelf on the wall catches my eye-trophies, gleaming under the dim lighting from the window alone.


    Basketball, trophies mostly.


    I drop my bag on the floor and step toward the shelf, squinting as I read and look at everything he has set up. I bite my lip. Zaid doesn''t seem like the sentimental kind to keep stuff like this up where he can see it everyday.


    Pictures of Zaid with his team, arms slung around each other''s shoulders, all grins and


    adrenaline.


    My heart turns sour, twisting in my chest. I suddenly realize why Jake looked so familiar


    when I first met him. Zaid looks so much like him. They smile the same way.


    There are so many pictures of him in the court, some from the local newspaper with detailed articles. O


    He was good at it, probably still is.


    I''m Not Answering That


    There''s a letter too, unfolded, with the creases still neat and leaning against a frame.


    Curiosity pulls at me and wins and I step closer, squinting my eyes to get a better look.


    It''s from some big university, offering him a full-ride schrship. My heart clenches and I


    step away.


    He was good. Really good, better than Aiden, even.


    I peruse the shelf for longer until I see it. A framed picture on the wall, not far from the


    rest. But this one isn''t of him holding a basketball or a trophy.


    It''s a mugshot.


    My fingers tremble as I reach out to touch the ss, the coldness of it seeping into my skin. There''s a smirk on his face, as if he found the whole thing amusing. Like it''s some


    twisted joke.


    My stomach turns nauseous and anger boils in my head.


    A crash downstairs snaps me out of my thoughts, followed by raised voices. I know that


    voice-Aiden''s. Zaid yells back, but I can''t make out what they''re saying. It''s only obvious


    that they don''t like each other.


    What have I gotten myself into?


    I ced myself right in the middle of a family that could possibly be more broken than


    mine.


    I hear footsteps, heavy, purposeful, ascending the stairs and I tense, closing my eyes for a second. All I can think about is how I hope it''s not Aiden.


    Guilt straddles me, but it;s given little time to take over me when the door open and Zaid steps inside, his eyes locking onto mine immediately.


    He closes the door behind him, stepping inside as he tilts his head when he realizes what picture I''ve been looking at. "You like that picture, too, huh?"


    I don''t even think, my voice shaking with anger. "Is this like a prize to you? A joke?"


    His expression hardens, the easygoing mask he usually wears slipping away. "No, it''s not a joke."


    I''m Not Answering That


    I scoff. "You have it framed."


    "I can''t help it if it''s a good picture," he says, his voice t, his eyes narrowing slightly.


    "Good?" I snap, the word burning on my tongue. "I lost my father and my brother to a car ident, Zaid. It''s not a joke to me."


    He flinches at that, a sh of something dark crossing his face. His hands clench at his sides, but he doesn''t say anything.


    I take a breath, trying to calm the pain inside me. "What happened?"


    He looks away for a second, his gaze narrowing on the window before he swings


    his eyes back tot he shelf. He looks over my shoulder to the pictures and trophies on the wall


    before settling on me again.


    There''s a thousand heavy secrets in those eyes of his.


    "What got you in juvie?" I ask, my voice softer now, almost pleading.


    Zaid''s whole body tenses, his jaw tightening as he shakes his head, looking away. "I''m not


    answering that."


    "Why not?" I press, frustration bubbling up again.


    "Ask your boyfriend," he snaps, his voice cold, eyes flicking back to mine with a challenge.


    I stare at him, confused, trying to piece together what he''s implying, but before I can ask anything else, he moves closer.


    My heart skips a beat as he reaches out, his fingers brushing against my cheek before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The touch is gentle, too gentle for someone


    who looks like him, and moves like him.


    Zaid gives the impression that he has the whole world at his fingertips, like he can make anyone bow down to his wishes.


    I know I''ve been trying so hard to stop myself from falling for his charms.


    I should pull away, but I don''t. He''s overwhelming, and despite myself, I can''t help


    but lean into it, even for just a moment.


    I''m Not Answering That


    He leans closer still, his voice low, almost a whisper. "I got rid of Aiden. You can make your escape now. Go home."


    His words snap me back to reality. Regardless of how gentle he can be, he holds himself at a distance, just like always will, too.


    I jerk away from his touch, the tension between us shattering like ss. Without another word, I rush past him, not daring to look back as I fly down the stairs. and out of the house. My feet pound against the pavement, my heart racing, not just from fear, but from the confusing mess of emotions that Zaid has madee alive inside of


    1. me.


    Aiden''s the better brother.


    The one with the future.


    The normal one.

 Chapter 44

    I Met Someone


    Mother''s home when I get there.


    I can tell, firstly because the door is unlocked. Secondly, because she''s singing loud from the other side of the house with music sting from he t.v.


    My stomach drops.


    She hasn''t done that since before dad and Alex passed away. I drop my bag on the couch and hesitantly make my way through the hallway down to her room at the end of the house


    "Mother?"


    There''s a pause in her singing and then the music stops, bathing the house in an ufortable silence. I steel my stomach, preparing myself for a barge of hateful words to spew from her mouth.


    The door to her room whips open and she smiles at me, wide.


    Her lips have remnants ofst''s night red lipstick, and her mascara runs down her face. "Alina, did school get out early?"


    I frown. She''s muttering, her lips wrapping around an unlit cigarette and I find myself in


    shock that she isn''t actively smoking.


    "I wasn''t aware that you knew what time my school day ended."


    She rolls her eyes. "Serioulsy, Alina. Are you always so dreadful?"


    I flinch, watching her as she turns from me, in her blue robe, leaving the door open. She''s going through her closet, throwing clothes across her dirty room as she whispers to


    herself.


    My lips twist between my teeth and I wonder if I want an answer to the question I''m


    asking. "What are you doing?"


    "I met someone."


    I Met Someone


    Immediately, I want to cry. "You... met someone?"


    She presses a dress to her front as she looks at herself in the mirror. "Yes. I think... I think


    he could make me happy."


    My ears ring and my vision turns blurry. "No."


    She drops the dress onto the bed. "Did you expect me to be single for the rest of my life?"


    Yes. I did. I will have to be fatherless for the rest of my life, why should it be any different


    for her?


    I shake my head, though. "No, it''s just... it''s so soon."


    She waves her hands through the air before bringing them up to her tangled hair.


    "I haven''t moved on. This isn''t about love. He has money. He''s a father. He could take care


    of us."


    That does little to stop the wave of difort fluttering through me. "No."


    "I wasn''t asking for your opinion, Alina."


    "You just met him."


    "Yes, and?"


    "You''re talking about him taking care of us, of marrying him."


    "Yes."


    I shake my head, wondering why she''s acting like this is the most normal thing in the


    world. "You can''t be serious?"


    Her shoulders tense and whatever calm she was holding onto disappears. Her face distorts


    into a scowl and she steps forward as she points a finger at me. "Fuck you."


    I flinch, taking a step back.


    "You don''t question me."


    My cheeks heat and I shake my head, still not knowing how to deal with her when


    she


    I Met Someone


    turns angry so fast.


    "You''re lucky I still provide for you, that you have a roof over your head and I don''t kick you out of here."


    I wrap my arms around myself, but I hold my ground. "I''m your daughter.¡±


    She scoffs. "More like a curse. If you had never been born, your father and Alex would still


    be here."


    She shuts the door with a force that has my hair flying across my face. The wordsing from her don''t hurt as much as they should because they are the same words I repeat to myself in my darkest moments. I me myself every second of every day.


    Survivor''s guilt holds me in its tight fist.


    Mother''s words are nothingpared to the things I tell myself in the mirror.


    I exhale, having been holding my breath this entire time and turn to make my way


    to my


    room.


    I hold a scream in when I bump into a chest.


    Aiden.


    He ces his hands on my shoulders and looks down at me with a concerned frown. "Are you okay?"


    I blink at him. "What are you doing here?"


    He nods back to the living room. "Your front door was open, so I let myself in.''


    I look over his shoulder to where my bag sits on the floor. His hands drop from my shoulders to my waist and he leans over until he grabs my attention again. "Are you okay?"


    I nod, quickly wiping the tears from my face.


    "Does she always talk to you like that?"


    I Met Someone


    I shrug, "Doesn''t matter."


    "Alina-"


    I don''t let him talk. I take his hand and lead him to my room, shutting the door and twisting the lock to ensure we''re alone. With our fingers intertwined, I lead him to


    my bed, where he sits on the edge and studies my face as I settle between his legs and lean against his chest.


    "I don''t want to talk about it," I whisper.


    He nods against my head, kissing my forehead. "We don''t have to talk."


    I kiss his chest, through his shirt and his fingers flex against my waist. "Good."


    I lift my chin, kissing his throat, his neck, anywhere I can get in contact with him. He moans in his chest, his fingers flexing, dropping to my ass as he lifts me and ces me on hisp, my legs straddling his waist.


    My lips find his quickly and I don''t even wait for him to respond, I immediately explore his mouth with my tongue, my stomach twisting with the realization that I''m taking


    control.


    "Fuck, Alina," He mutters, eyes widening as I pull away long enough to push him down on


    the bed.


    I grind on him over his jeans, my breath fluttering as the ache between my legses to life. I lean over, capturing his lips between my teeth as I unabashedly twist and swing my hips over him His jaw clenches, his fingers digging into my skin.


    "Alina."


    There''s a hunger in his voice and it drives me. I sit up straight, pulling off my shirt, my bra and I lift myself for a second, love enough to take off my shorts. When I''m naked, I drop myself back on top of his jeans, capturing his lips with mine once


    more.


    He doesn''t protest, doesn''t try to take control.


    He just lets me kiss him, his hands gripping my ass, his fingers brushing my pussy. I revel in the shudder that passes through me and I reach between us, pushing his pants down


    I Met Someone


    and gripping is already hard length.


    His breath catches in his throat, hissing even while I''m still kissing him. I lift,


    lowering myself on him until he disappears inside me inch my delicious inch. O


    I ride him, chasing my orgasm to forget Zaid, to forget my mother.


    I ride him, focusing on my body and his together rather than what a shitshow this


    has all


    be.


    I ride him until he cums, and I fall apart on top of him.

 Chapter 46

    I Don''t Talk to Zaid


    Aiden rubs his fingers up and down my arm as wey in my bed together.


    He''s still mostly dressed, but I was toozy to put my clothes back on.


    He sighs, his chest rising and falling beneath my cheek. "Not that I''mining, but


    did you just use me?"


    I chuckle into him.


    His returning chuckle is warm and deep, settling the ache in the pit of my


    stomach. "I


    didn''t mean to overhear."


    I press my lips together and sit up, running my hand through his hair. "It''s fine. I mean, I


    guess you would have found out sooner orter."


    "That your mom''s a bitch?"


    I chew on my lip, hiding the tilt of my lips. "She wasn''t always."


    His eyes lower to my breasts for a second and then he raises them back to my gaze, wrapping an arm around my waist to drag me back down to his chest.


    I press a kiss to the corner of his lips and settle, frowning as I think about how to phrase my next question without giving away that Zaid and I were tangled in a web deeper than he could ever know. "I didn''t know you and Zaid were brothers."


    He stiffens beneath me and he tightens his hold on me. "You didn''t?¡±


    I shake my head.


    He frowns slightly, watching me as if he is trying to gauge his own response. "I guess I never mentioned it."


    "Nope." My face burns, and I hope to god I am not as red as a tomato.


    "We''re not exactly on friendly terms."


    I tilt my head and keep myself from asking the question that needles me in the


    back of my throat. Why? What happened?


    8:06 pm


    I Don''t Talk to Zaid


    "And dad now wants to send him abroad, to boarding school after his expulsion."


    My breath catches in my throat and I sit up, my hands on his chest. "He got expelled


    because of me."


    He shrugs, gripping my leg to bring me closer to him, cing his hardening length between my legs.


    These men are as insatiable as theye.


    "He would have found a way sooner orter, Zaid isn''t exactly role model


    material." He runs his fingers through my hair, swallowing thickly.


    I ignore the burning in my stomach and run circles on his chest with my finger. "Is


    it true he went to juvie?"


    His eyes turn dark, nostrils ring. "Why? What has he told you?"


    His reaction throws me off and it takes me a moment to catch my breath. "Nothing. I don''t talk to Zaid."


    "Good."


    I twist my lips relieved that he didn''t hear the defensiveness in my throat. "What''s the story there?"


    His fingers still and he presses his lips together. "Why are you so interested in Zaid?"


    "He''s your brother, everything about you interests me." When did I get so good at lying?


    He seems convinced, and frowns before inhaling. He looks at me, as if gauging how much he wants to say, how much he can trust me with. "I was there that night with him."


    I hold my breath, not wanting to stop him.


    "We were out with a group of basketball guys. I was getting picked as captain that year. Zaid was...he had gotten injured real bad on a game and he was never able to y the same again."


    He pauses, his jaw clenching and I almost feel guilty enough to tell him he can stop, but I keep my mouth shut.


    I Don''t Talk to Zaid


    "He stepped down from the team, which is why the captain spot was open. We were celebrating that I was chosen. We had some drinks. Smoked some things."


    I chew on my lip, my breath on the edge of thin.


    "Someone dared him to a car race. I tried to stop him, I tried to tell him he couldn''t drive in his condition, but he didn''t listen to me. He got behind the wheel'' and lost control. He ended up hitting a house."


    I gasp, covering my mouth as I shake my head. "What?"


    He nods, avoiding my eyes as he swallows thickly. "He sent one man to the hospital with a broken leg and arm."


    "Thank god it wasn''t worse."


    "It could''ve been much worse. Anyway, he was arrested, tried, and dad was able


    to get him a lighter sentence."


    I can''t help the hot rage that flutters through me. "Only because he didn''t kill anyone."


    He holds my waist, shrugging. "Can we talk about something else?"


    I nodded. "Of course."


    He starts talking about basketball, about his school tour they invited him to take. I can only half listen, a little disturbed by the conversation we just had.


    Still, I can''t seem to understand why Zaid had me ask Aiden for the information, why could he not tell me the story himself? Was he too ashamed, maybe?


    I blow out a stream of hot air and Aiden lifts his head to press a kiss to my neck. "Want to go get some food? I''m starving."


    I smile at him, nodding. "You don''t have practice today?"


    "I did, but I told coach I was sick. I wanted to check on you after you left school."


    "Yeah, sorry, I wasn''t feeling too good, and then my mother''s outburst kind of made everything more terrible."


    I Don''t Talk to Zaid


    "And then I made everything better," He whispers, smiling wide at me.


    I roll my eyes and shake my head, "Sure."


    Heughs and I dress, he follows me, zipping up his pants. Soon we''re out of the house and in his car, where he ces his hand on my thigh and sts music with the windows down as we make our way to a burger shop.


    He tries hard to take my mind off of the conversation we just had, but it still gnaws in the back of my head. Still, I ster on a smile and pretend everything''s okay, and that I''m happy just where I am.


    Nikki and Parker join uster and we go to a park where the guys shoot hoops and Nikki and I sit on a bench and talk.


    Everything is fine and smooth, until Zaid shows up.


    Bye, Zaid


    "What is he doing here?" Nikki whispers, watching Zaid as he strolls up to the


    court.


    I shrug, also keeping my gaze on Zaid as Parker and Aiden turn to him. They both sneer, reluctantly talking to Zaid as he smiles.


    "He neveres here."


    My hands tighten into painful fists and I set them on my thighs, my breath catching in my throat when Zaid turns his attention to us. Aiden stiffens, the ball in


    his hands dropping to the ground.


    Zaid walks toward Nikki and me, and Aiden watches, though he stays right where he is.


    "Nik," He drawls, smiling at her as she inhales slowly.


    "Zaid.¡± Her tone is short, the name clipped. "What are you doing here?"


    He turns his eyes to me. They rake me down to my toes and I press my lips


    together so that I can ignore the twisting in my stomach. "I was driving by, thought


    I''d say hi."


    Nikki looks at me, frowning when she realizes he is not looking away from me.


    "Alina." There''s a tilt in his lips and I finally inhale a gasp.


    "What do you want?"


    He frowns. "Why so hostile?"


    I blink, hating that he can make me feel so many things at the same time. That I


    can''t seem to control the rage he induces deep inside me.


    And that I can''t blow out the heat he ignites in my chest.


    He cocks his head, a slow smile lifting his lips. "Aiden told you, didn''t he?"


    I clench my jaw and nod.


    "You think less of me now, love?"


    Bye, Zaid


    A pain pierces through me, and I struggle to breathe. "You could''ve killed


    someone."


    His shoulders rise and Nikki looks between the two of us like she''s watching a ping-pong match. Her lips parted.


    "I could''ve," he whispers, eyes narrow.


    Tears prick my eyes, my hands beginning to tremble. "My family died in a car


    ident. I told you before, it''s not funny."


    He steps closer. "I''m notughing, Alina. But perhaps you should ask Aiden for the truth."


    I tense, Nikki hissing beside me. "What do you mean?"


    We hear the footsteps before we see Parker and Aiden join us. Aiden ps his hand on Zaid''s shoulder, hard enough that Zaid tilts forward.


    "Why you talking to my girlfriend, Zaid?"


    Something res in his eyes, and it takes a second too long for him to peel his eyes from mine. He''s tense now, his nostrils ring and his eyebrows twitching. He res at Aiden. Their eyes are almost level, but he has to tilt his chin just a little to really see him. "Why are you lying to her?"


    Aiden twitches, like he was just pped in the face. He goes incredibly pale, but then he blinks out of his thoughts and sneers at his older brother. "Watch it, Z."


    Parker shakes his head, grabbing Nikki''s hand and telling her they should leave. Nikki reaches for me, but I shake my head. I''m staying.


    Zaidughs, evil and maniacally. "Watch what? You scared I''m going to tell her


    the


    truth?"


    Aiden steps forward, setting himself between Zaid and I. ¡°No. I already told her


    the truth.


    Besides, you''ve never cared until now.''


    Zaid''s eyes shift to me and for a moment my breath escapes me. I can''t exin


    the gut


    feeling that rattles through me. I''m inclined to believe Zaid. Aiden looks shifty, scared.


    "What did you lie to me about?" I whisper.


    Bye, Zaid


    Aiden turns to me, a frown on his face. "What? You believe him?"


    I shrug. "What is he using you of?"


    "Nothing."


    "That he lied to you about what happened the night I got arrested," Zaid answers


    for him.


    Aiden whirls on him, grabbing his cor and shoving into him. "Shut your fucking


    mouth,


    Z."


    Zaid doesn''t do anything. Doesn''t even try to push away, or get his hands off his shirt. He just smirks. ¡°It''ll catch up to you one day, Aiden."


    "You stay away from Alina, Z." Aiden lets him go, grabbing my hand and walking


    us away


    from the park and to his car.


    I look over my shoulder once, eyeing the way Zaid is watching us with his arms


    crossed


    over his chest.


    "That fucker," Aiden sneers as soon as we''re in his care.


    I stare at him, not knowing if I should try to ask him what is going on, or if there


    was any truth to what Zaid had said. He drives off, tires squealing against the


    road.


    "Aiden, slow down." I grip onto the door as the car flies around the corners.


    Aiden grips the steering wheel and growls. "He''s an ass. There was no reason for


    him to say any of that today. He''s just-"


    He smacks a fist to the wheel and I reach for him, cing my hand on his thigh.


    "It''ll be


    okay."


    He looks to me, eyes wide. "But you believe me, right? Not him? Not his lies."


    I swallow but nod, anything to calm him down, anything to get him to slow down, He nods with a clench of his jaw. "Good. Zaid isn''t good for anything. I''ve been trying to get dad to hold off on sending him to boarding school. Not anymore. I''m not sticking up


    for that ass."


    Bye, Zaid


    My stomach twists.


    But it happens.


    He convinces his father and a few dayster, Zaid is shipped off to Europe. I


    watch from the window of Aiden''s room as he drives away, his suitcases in the car. I didn''t get to speak to him again. Aiden made sure of that.


    "He leave already?" Aiden walks in from the hallways, closing his bedroom door behind him.


    I wrap my arms around myself and nod. "He just drove off."


    Aiden sighs, feigning to look sad. He drops himself on the edge of his bed and


    grabs my arm, cing me between his legs. "I don''t think I''ve going to miss him."


    I twist my lips, not sure if that''s a good thing to admit about your brother. "He''ll be


    back,


    won''t he?"


    Aiden nods. "For winter break."


    "And what-"


    "I don''t want to talk anymore."


    He reaches for the hem of my shirt, lifting it over my head. His teeth graze my


    nipple and my body reacts, all thoughts of Zaid forgotten.

 Chapter 47

    Engaged


    The months have gone by really quick. Aiden has been better since Zaid left, and now he''s been back to his normal upbeat self.


    He''s taken up his game.


    Both in basketball and in bed.


    My legs are sore as I walk outside. The air is cold, freezing my nose, but I don''tin. It''s better than the unbearable heat. Aiden''s had an amazing first half of basketball season and next year they''re hoping to go to the state tournament.


    I wrap my arms around myself to keep in some of the warmth.


    Winter break is next week, and all I can think about is Zaid.


    It makes me feel guilty. That I''m excited that he''ll be in town. I''ve never had a pleasant experience with him, and I should hate him, but just the thought of maybe seeing him again...


    I shudder.


    Sometimes I get this gut feeling that he''s watching me, but when I turn to face the


    corner


    of whatever room I''m in, he''s never there. Of course he''s not.


    I hate myself for missing his charms, even though they annoyed me, even though


    he tested every inch of my sanity when he was here.


    I can''t exin the way his face haunts my dreams.


    That I sometimes think about him, even when it is Aiden deep inside me.


    I shake my head, trying to push the thoughts away. I shouldn''t feel this way. I''m with


    Aiden.


    Zaid is his brother, and whatever chemistry there was between us before he left is nothing.


    But I still haven''t gotten Aiden to talk about the night Zaid got arrested. Every time


    Engaged


    bring it up, he shuts down, changes the subject, or tells me it doesn''t matter anymore.


    My phone buzzes in my pocket, pulling me from my thoughts.


    A: Come over now. It''s urgent.


    I frown, my fingers almost numb as I type back a message that I''m on my way. He never texts me like that and I know immediately that something is off. I stuff my phone back in my coat pocket and head in the opposite direction, toward his house instead of mine,


    When I get there, Aiden opens the door quickly, as if he''s been looking out the window and waiting for me to get home. He doesn''t say anything before he pulls on the straps of my backpack and takes it off of my shoulders.


    "Aiden?¡± I annoyingly question him, twisting as he harshly pulls the bag away.


    His eyes are wide as he shakes his head and I frown at him, feeling strange. He looks upset, running a hand through his hair before looking at me.


    "I''m sorry, Alina," he says, his voice quiet, almost hesitant.


    I frown, stepping further inside. "Sorry for what? What''s going on?"


    Aiden sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn''t know, okay? I had no idea."


    He takes me by the elbow and walks me into the hallways. Confusion unfurls inside me and I have half a mind to pull my arm from his touch. "What are you talking about?


    Didn''t know what?"


    He stops at the entrance to the living room, his shoulders tense. "My dad... he got engaged."


    I blink, the words not quite registering at first. Jake. Jake is engaged. It''s been almost three months since I''ve seen him, three months since we''ve....kissed.


    There should be no reason for my stomach to twist the way it does.


    I frown, trying to rein in the panic fluttering through me. "Engaged?"


    Aiden doesn''t answer right away. Something else is wrong, deeply wrong.


    Engaged


    I step past him, into the living room, and my heart stops.


    There, standing in the middle of the room, is my mother.


    And next to her is Jake.


    The room spins for a second, my breath catching in my throat as I try to make sense of what I''m seeing. My mother... engaged to Jake?


    My eyes drop to her finger, an enormous rock glinting beneath the room light. Nausea rolls through me.


    Jake smiles at me, the movement not reaches his eyes and he ces a hand at my mother''s back. O


    "Alina," Mother smiles warmly, waving her hand at me as if I could have missed that rock


    from across the room.


    I feel Aiden behind me, his hand at my lower back, as if offeringfort.


    My eyes dart between Jake and my mother, the ufortable tension filling the space as they stand there, clearly waiting for us to react.


    "What..." My voice cracks, and I clear my throat, trying to regain some control.


    Jake clears his throat, that terrible smile still on his face."We wanted to tell you both


    before the holidays, so you weren''t caught off guard."


    "Toote for that," I mutter, still reeling.


    Aiden steps beside me, his face pale, his jaw clenched. He''s horrified, too. I can


    see it in his eyes, the way he can''t even look at his father.


    My mother takes a step toward me, her hands outstretched. "Alina, sweetheart, isn''t this


    wonderful news?"


    "Wonderful news?" I scoff.


    Jake flinches.


    Engaged


    Mother frowns at me. "Why are you acting like that?"


    Aiden clears his throat. "It''s not very nice to hear that your father is engaged to


    your girlfriend''s mother. We''ll be step-siblings. It''s weird."


    My eyes dart to Jake, only to find him already looking at me. Right.


    That''s what''s weird about this. Aiden. My boyfriend.


    Not the fact that I will now be able to say that I lost my virginity to my stepfather.


    That I have feelings for my stepfather.


    Mother''s tuts her tongue. "It''s not too bad."


    Sheughs, stepping closer to Jake and cing her hand on his chest.


    Jake keeps his eyes on me.


    Aiden speaks, his voice low and full of anger. "This is messed up, Dad."


    I tighten my hands in fists and look directly at Jake. "Did you know?"


    He lifts an eyebrow.


    "Did you know she was my mother?"


    Aiden tries to calm me down, whispering my name. "Alina."


    But I ignore him.


    "I did not," Jake answers, but he swallows, thickly, and I know he''s lying right


    through his


    teeth.


    I can''t even look at them anymore. My chest tightens as the reality of it sinks in.


    My mother is marrying Aiden''s father. Zaid''s father.


    And Zaid ising home.


    I don''t know why that thought lingers in my mind like a dark cloud, but it does. Maybe it''s because I know things are about to get a whole lot moreplicated. Maybe it''s


    Engaged


    because I haven''t been able to stop thinking about him since the day he left.


    I need to get out of here. Away from this madness. Away from the tangled mess of my life that just got even more twisted.

 Chapter 48

    Sick


    I''m going to be sick.


    I cover my mouth with my hand and run out of the living room and into the


    bathroom. Aiden catches the door before I can close and he sneaks inside with me, his hands at my sides as I lean over the sick.


    My stomach rolls and I groan.


    Aiden grabs my hair, tucking it behind my ear as he whispers. "You''re taking this a bit harder than I thought you would."


    I close my eyes, ignoring the saliva that fills my mouth. Tears prick the back of my eyes and I shake my head. "It''s different."


    He rubs his hand on my back. "What do you mean?"


    My eyes hurt as I open them and look at him through the reflection of the mirror. "My father died a year ago. I wasn''t expecting her to move on so soon."


    That''s partly true.


    Aiden''s face falls, and he reaches for the sink, turning the knobs until lukewarm water sshes against the porcin. He cups his hand and brings some of the water to the back of my neck. It makes my skin prickle and a shiver runs down my spine.


    I hold onto his wrist. "How are you feeling about this?"


    He frowns, swallowing. "It''s weird."


    I nod.


    "And your mom''s a bitch."


    I snort, but then my stomach rolls again and I bend down lower to rest my


    forehead on my hands. "Are we- are we going to live together?¡±


    He tenses. "Shit. I didn''t even think about that."


    "What are people going to say?" I groan.


    Sick


    He chuckles. "You care about that?"


    I shake my head and lift my eyes to his reflection. "Maybe."


    He grips my arms and turns me around, lifting me onto the counter as he settles himself between my legs. "We''ve been delt a shit card."


    I nod. "Terrible."


    His mouth quirks with a smile. "We''ll get through it."


    His hands cup my cheeks, thumbs rubbing against my skin. It''s soothing, but it''s still not enough to calm the storm in my body. My stomach twists again and I let my forehead fall


    against his chest.


    Did he go after her on purpose? Becuase she''s my mom? Has he slept with her yet?


    Fuck, I can''t think straight. I refuse to acknolwedge the jealous ache in my chest and attribute it to disgust instead.


    "They want to get married during winter break."


    I squeeze his biceps, still not lifting my head. "So soon?"


    He runs his hands down my spine. "It''s when Zaid will be here."


    Fuck, it all just gets worse.


    "Um, they made us dinner."


    I lift my head, eyes widening. "I''m literally going to throw up."


    He cringes. "I''m sorry."


    He helps me off the counter, and we make our way to the dining room where Jake and mom are already waiting for us.


    That dinner is the single most fucking awkward thing to ever happen to me.


    The sound of clinking silverware is the only thing to fill the space and I am on the verge of suffocating. I can''t even look at my mother. She''s smiling to herself but all I can think


    Sick


    about is the fact that she''s betraying dad, and Alex.


    Don''t even get me started on Jake.


    1 stare down at my te, moving the food around, unable to even consider eating. My stomach twists with nausea, and the bile rises in my throat as mother talks about the


    wedding.


    "And of course, we don;t want a big wedding. I''m happy with just having it in the backyard. Something simple, you know? It''s both of our''s second wedding, so reason to go all out," my mother chirps, her voice far too cheerful for the situation.


    Jake clears his throat, his voice indifferent. "Whatever you want, sweetheart."


    I don''t dare lift my eyes from the te, but I can feel him watching me. I can feel his gaze


    burning into the top of my head. It makes my skin crawl.


    Aiden''s shifts his hand and rests it on my thigh, offering silentfort, but it''s not enough to keep the disgust from settling deep inside me. The idea of my mother marrying Jake... all of it feels wrong.


    "And I am so excited to move in together," she continues, oblivious to the tension in the


    room, ¡°It''d be nice to have all of us under one roof. Like a real family."


    A real family.


    The words hang in the air like a bitter joke. I squeeze my fork tighter, the metal biting into my palm, as I force myself to breathe.


    "Isn''t that exciting, Alina?" Jake''s voice cut''s through my thoughts.


    I finally lift my eyes from my te, only to find his gaze locked on me, his dark eyes narrowing as if he''s trying to pull the truth from me. He''s trying to see what I really think, what I really feel about all of this.


    Trying to see if I will break.


    Aiden''s hand tightens slightly on my leg, a subtle reminder that he''s here, that he''s with me. But even with him next to me, it''s hard to shake the unease crawling through me.


    "Oh, she''s not usually this guarded, I''m sorry Jake,¡± mother apologizes to him with


    Sick


    forced smile.


    Jake grunts, eyes narrow.


    "And we need to make sure Zaid is here for the wedding," she just continues bbing.


    I look at him again, wanting to see Jake''s reaction at the mention of ''Zaid.


    Jake is still staring at me. His face is calm, his smile tight, but his eyes... they''re


    not


    smiling. They''re fixed on me, watching, studying.


    He clears his throat, breaking the silence. "I''ll make sure Zaid is there," he says,


    his voice


    smooth but strained.


    Mother looks between the two of us, her face nching as she notices her fiance''s intense


    stare.


    I feel like I''m suffocating. The air in the room is too thick, the walls closing in around me as I sit there, pretending everything is fine, pretending I''m okay with this.


    I''m not.


    I''m far from okay.


    I can''t stop thinking about Zaid, about himing home, about how everything''s


    about


    to get even moreplicated.


    And Jake. Fucking Jake.


    I push my chair back suddenly, the legs scraping against the floor as I stand.


    I need to get out of here. Away from the smiles and the lies and the suffocating weight of


    everything.

 Chapter 49

    It''s Not About Love


    I hear the screech of Aiden''s chair against the floor and his footsteps as he follows me to the foyer.


    He catches my hand, intertwining our fingers as he turns me to face him. He has to lower his head to look at me, and he cups my cheek with his hand. "Alina?"


    I close my eyes and hum in response.


    "Are you okay? I know this is weird, but we can deal with it. It doesn''t all have to be bad."


    I nod, letting my head drop against his chest.


    "Do you want to stay over tonight?"


    "I want to, but I think I need to go home. Talk to my mom."


    He sighs. "Yeah, I guess that''s the smart thing to do."


    Mother stomps down the hall, apologizing to Jake and Aiden. She stops only for a second


    beside me.


    "You''reing home with me. Say goodbye," she whispers into my ear, low and angry.


    She squeezes Aiden''s bicep and smiles at him. "Goodnight, Aiden. We''ll see each other


    soon, I hope."


    Aiden nods, watching her walk away before returning his attention back to me. "Text me,


    okay? I want to make sure you''re okay after your... conversation."


    I try to smile, but I''m cut off as he leans toward me, cupping the back of my neck. He kisses me hard, shoving his tongue into my mouth. I wrap my arms around his neck and push myself to the tips of my toes as I wee the deep kiss, the warm caress of his


    tongue.


    Fuck, I don''t want to go home.


    We pull apart when Jake clears his throat behind Aiden.


    I shoot him a re and say a quick goodbye before following my mother out of the house.


    It''s Not About Love


    The car ride home is a thick, choking silence. My mind races, and I notice the way her hands tighten around the wheel of the car.


    How did this even happen? My mother is marrying Jake, Jake.


    We step inside the house, and the door has barely shut before my mother spins around, eyes zing. ¡°What the fuck is wrong with you?" she hisses.


    I shut my mouth and look at her.


    She drops her bag on the floor and crosses her arms over her chest. "Do you have any idea how you embarrassed me tonight?"


    "Embarrassed you?" My voice is sharp, barely containing the anger that''s been building.


    She cocks her head, looking at me like she never even thought of the possibility of her


    embarrassing me.


    "How can you even think about marrying him? What about Dad?"


    She scoffs like she''s already tired of the conversation. "Don''t throw your father in


    my face. I already told you. You know this isn''t about love, Alina. It''s about stability. It''s about a life I''ve always dreamed of but never had."


    "I didn''t think you were being serious. You''re moving way too fast!"


    What I really want to tell her is that she cannot marry the man I lost my virginity to, but saying that feels like a betrayal to Jake.


    Motherughs, the sound biting into my brain. "Don''t lecture me. I''m your mother. I''m


    the adult here."


    I shake my head, disbelief gnawing at me. ¡°You think using a man for money is mature?"


    Her mouth tightens. "Call it whatever you want. Jake understands, anyway. He''s a widower too, and he''s well aware that I don''t have to love him to marry him. He''s already promised me that I won''t have to share a room or... anything else with him. He can provide, and he''s willing to let me have my own space. That''s what I need."


    My stomach churns as she speaks, each word more ridiculous than thest. I hate, hate, desperately hate the fact that it makes me feel better to hear that. They aren''t intimate,


    It''s Not About Love


    and they don''t n to be.


    I huff a breath. "So, it''s all about the money, then? Not even a shred of... liking him?"


    She waves me off, dismissing me as if I''m being overly dramatic. "Stop being so na?ve, Alina. Life isn''t some fairytale, and marriages don''t need to be built on love to work. I had


    that with your father, and I will never have it again."


    Her voice cracks, the pain of dad''s death evident. For the first time in what seems


    like


    months, she reminds me that there was a time she loved dad.


    She clears her throat, straightening her expression. "This arrangement is mutual


    and practical. I don''t need to ''like'' him for it to serve its purpose."


    I stare at her, stunned, and words fail me. She flips her hair and walks away,


    leaving me to my running mind.


    Somniphobia - Fear of sleep or falling asleep.


    Eisoptrophobia ¨C Fear of mirrors or one''s reflection.


    Aulophobia - Fear of flutes.


    Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.


    Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - Ironically, fear of long words.


    I repeat the words in my head over and over again as I close my eyes and the world spins around me. I had stopped making lists in my head because I had truly believed I didn''t


    need them anymore.


    Today has changed that. I need to shove Jakepletely out of my mind. Whatever connection I thought we had, whatever feelings I feel for him, they need to disappear.


    I shove every twisting emotion down and make my way to the bathroom. I take a


    long


    shower, letting the water wash over me until it turns cold and then head to bed. I''m exhausted, but not physically,


    My head is pounding, my throat thick with anxiety.


    I don''t even try to dry my hair, I just plop onto my bed and cry as I look up at my ceiling.


    It''s Not About Love


    The time passes but I continue to toss and turn, each attempt to getfortable only making my stomach twist tighter. The nket feels suffocating, my skin hot and restless. Every time I close my eyes, the image of Jake''s intense gaze and my mom''s oblivious smile rey in my mind, like a cruel loop I can''t escape. Eisoptrophobia - The fear of mirrors or seeing one''s reflection.


    Syngenesophobia - The fear of rtives.


    Suddenly, there''s a soft tap on my window. My heart stops, and for a moment, all I hear is the rush of blood in my ears. My eyes go to my window, but I cannot see


    anything past the curtains.


    I wait, my breath bated.


    The knock sounds again.


    Holding my breath, I push back the curtain and dare a peek outside.

 Chapter 50

    What does he get out of it?


    Instant relief floods over me when I see Aiden standing there. He''s wearing a hoodie, trembling from the cold, but he still manages to smile with that easy grin and wake at me.


    I scoff at him, shaking my head because he''s acting like he''s not creeping up on me in the middle of the night.


    I quickly utch the window and let him in. As he climbs through, his gaze softens as he


    looks at me.


    "You didn''t text me," he says, voice low but carrying the weight of his worry.


    "Oh," I exhale, his sudden appearance now making sense. "Sorry."


    He closes the window behind him and turns to me with a sad smile."I wanted to make sure you were okay. The way your mom talked to you the other day... I figured it might not go so well."


    I blink, absorbing his words, and my chest tightens in a good way. He actually came all this way because he was worried about me. The mess of my day feels a little less tangled just from his presence. I shake my head, trying to act like it''s no big deal.


    "It''s fine," I lie, though his knowing eyes don''t make it easy. "I just...forgot, that''s all."


    He reaches for me and I let myself collide with his chest. His fingers are ice cold against my skin and I shiver.


    "Sorry," he mutters.


    I chuckle, "Wanna warm up?"


    He nods against the crown of my head.


    We separate long enough for him to shove his hoodie and jeans off and then wey


    together in my bed. He immediately grabs my leg and drapes it over his waist.


    His hand runs up my thigh and his thumb draws circles against my skin.


    I scoot closer to him, cupping his neck. "Thank you for checking on me."


    What does he get out of it?


    He nods, swallowing. "I had it out with my dad, too."


    press my lips together. "What did he tell you?"


    He smiles. "Something tells me your mother already told you."


    "Marriage of convenience?"


    He breathes out. "They even want separate bedrooms."


    I scrunch my nose.


    "What I don''t get is what my father gets out of all of this."


    "What?" For some reason, that makes the anger in my chest rise.


    "Don''t you think your mother gets the most out of it?"


    I frown at that. Jake would be providing financially for everything. Mother doesn''t


    cook, or clean, or work.


    What does Jake get out of this?


    There''s only one answer I can think of and I hate it. I don''t want it to be true.


    I hum, running my finger on his chest. "I have no idea, but I don''t think we''ll ever


    understand them."


    The small grin he gives me is warm, soft. I lean forward and kiss him, needing him to


    know how much his being here means to me, more than words could convey.


    Our parents managed to flip our world upside down, but Aiden is still Aiden.


    His hand travels up my thigh until he settles it beneath my shorts, cupping my ass. He pulls away, hissing. "Fuck, you''re not wearing underwear."


    I shake my head even as I seek his lips again. "No."


    He deepens the kiss, and I let him press me closer, let his fingers bury themselves


    between my legs and set aside the thin fabric of my shorts.


    What does he get out of it?


    My body tenses, my back arching as he runs the tip of his finger from my opening


    to my clit. He circles it a few times, my breath catching.


    I have to remind myself to be quiet, to hold my breath. If mother hears us and


    finds us in here, it would only anger her more.


    Aiden finds my neck with his lips, licking the column until it simpltaneausly turns me on and tickles me. He groans and I shush him.


    He smiles against my neck. "We''re going to have to learn to be quiet from now on, huh?"


    God, I ignore thatment. I cannot even begin to think about or imagine us living together. All of us living together.


    "We won''t stop, right?" I whisper in a rush.


    He moans between a thrust, "What?"


    My chest aches as he builds the pace and strength of his strokes. "This. Me and you. We


    won''t stop?"


    He licks my skin and he chuckles. "I''m more worried about how I''m going to keep my


    hands off of you."


    Thank fuck.


    My hips buck when he gets a really good stroke in there with his finger. He shifts us, cing me under him as he spreads my legs further apart. He raises his lips from my neck and finds my lips.


    I feel the nudge of his cock at my entrance and I loosen myself, letting him thrust into me as he thumbs my clit. I silence my moan, gripping his shoulders as I take every single one


    of his thrusts.


    With his breath escaping him in pants, he granbs one of my legs and drapes it over his shoulder. I feel the pull in my hamstring, but it''s offset by the pure pleasure of him reaching deeper inside me.


    "Fuck, Aiden," I cup his face, keeping my eyes on his as his face distorts.


    He pants. "You like that, baby?"


    What does he get out of it?


    The swell of pleasure is delicious and all I can do is nod. The air in my lungs escapes me, that heightened feeling in my stomach building.


    1 moan and he ces a hand on my mouth as he quickens his thrusts. I''m thankful now that I have no headboard to smack against the wall, and let the orgasm run through me.


    I twist and spasm beneath him, feeling the warm spray of his cum inside of me.


    I push him off of me, "Fuck, Aiden. You didn''t use a condom."


    He blinks, scooting away from me in a panic. "Fuck. I forgot."


    I get off the bed and grab my tshirt, quickly cing it over my head befoe making


    my way to the bathroom to clean myself.


    When I return, Aiden has a worried look on his face, bunched ip brows and downturned lips. "I;m sorry."


    I shake my head and run my hands through my hair. "I''m on birth control."


    He nods, watching me warily. "You okay?"


    "Yeah, we both let it happen."


    He sighs at that, looking convinced that I''m okay. I crawl into bed again and he follows, draping his arm over me before burying his face in my neck. "Is it okay if I


    stay?"


    I nod, running my hand across his arm. I think we both need thefort right


    now.

 Chapter 51

    You''ll Hate Me-1


    I look down at the text on my phone.


    P: Can youe to Melview Park? Aiden''s not doing so well.


    Parker never texts me, so when I saw the message pop up, I knew something was wrong. The air is cold on my face and when I reach the park; I see Parker approach me as he


    shakes his head.


    My heart lurches in my chest. "What''s going on? Where is he?"


    "He''s fucking drunk."


    He looks angry, upset and not to mention that I''ve never seen Aiden drunk. It makes my stomach twist with worry and I frown. "What?"


    Parker presses his lips together. "I can''t get him to leave and he keeps mumbling your name, so I texted you."


    I swallow. "Where is he?"


    He runs his hand on the back of his neck and points to a bench. I see Aiden''s figure slouched on there, his shoulders shaking as he... cries?


    Parker puts a set of keys in my hand. "His car is over there. I don''t know what else to do."


    My eyes are still on Aiden. "It''s okay, I''ve got it from here."


    Through he looks reluctant, he only nods and says goodbye. He ces a hand on my


    shoulder, a pity pat.


    I hurry over to Aiden, his head hanging low and my footsteps echoing against the quiet night.


    As I reach him, he looks up with a zed expression, his eyes red-rimmed and unfocused.


    "Hey," he says, his voice thick, and a little slurred. "Where''s Parker?"


    He looks over my shoulder, his head bobbing as he looks for his friend.


    You''ll Hate Me 1


    "He left," I huff, lowering myself onto the bench beside him. I have to press my lips together and hold my breath when the bitter smell of alcohol ps me in the face.


    It reminds me of mother and her terrible drunken nights. It makes me want to throw up all over the floor in front of me, but I manage to hold it back.


    "You don''t have to be here," he whispers, running his hand over his hair. "I don''t want you to see me like this."


    "Of course I''m going to be here."


    He groans, leaning back on the bench.


    ¡°Aiden, what''s going on?¡± I ask. ¡°You smell disgusting by the way."


    He lets out a low, humorless chuckle. "Yeah. Well, I needed something to take the edge


    off."


    I blink, looking around the park to make sure we''re alone in the darkness. I have


    a gut feeling that something it goin to go wrong and the lump in my throat


    worsens.


    "You have no idea what it''s like, knowing he''sing back."


    That knot in my stomach, tightens so hard I might as well be physically crumpling


    to the floor. I return a wary gaze to him.


    "Zaid?" I ask cautiously.


    His head dips in a stiff nod. His entire demeanor changes; his jaw clenches, hands turn into tight fists and he leans forward, pressing his elbows onto his knees and dropping his head on his hands.


    His fingers dig into his hair and he pulls on the strands until he grunts.


    I realize then that it''s worse than I thought. This isn''t just some tension between them. It''s something more and part of me is scared of figuring out what it is.


    Aiden stays where he is, his voice muffled and distant. "I didn''t always hate him."


    I know that, but it stop the words from leaving my mouth. "You hate him?"


    You''ll Hate Me-1


    His shoulder shake with an incredulousugh. "My own brother. Hate him my whole life."


    I swallow, uncertain what to say.


    Aiden scoffs, leaning back to look at me with an unreadable expression. "Did you


    know he was in the car with my mom when she died?"


    I''m struck silent, my heart sinking. My body wants to fail, to stop breathing all together. I close my eyes for a moment, taking that in.


    Zaid of all people knows what it feels like.


    And all those times I threw it in his face that my family died in a car ident.

 Chapter 52

    You''ll Hate Me-2


    "Is that were his scars are from?" I whisper.


    Aiden frowns, eyes turning dark. "What?"


    I exhale a dry breath, immediately regretting my words. This is a conversation we


    cannot have now, especially when he''s drunk. I clear my throat and instead answer his question. "No... I didn''t know that."


    He frowns, but he continues, slumping into the bench. "Mom died, but he walked away. Only scratches."


    I reach out to him, running my fingers through his hair. "That''s why you hate him?"


    He begins to nod but then he catches himself. "No."


    His eyes shut close as he now shakes his head. He hisses through the pain in his head and slides down until his ass is on the floor and his back against the edge of the bench.


    He leans his head to the side and it falls against my thight.


    I watch him, but I''m not here. My heart is hammering in my chest. I''m thinking about Zaid and the scars he showed me in the bathroom. The conversations we had in the diner. the way he looked so broken to know that I chose Aiden over him.


    "He never talks about it, you know?"


    It''s like he''s whispering to himself, so I don''t say anything. But in my head I remember Zaid''s words: No one asks me about her. No one wants to talk about her. I feel like I''m the


    only one that remembers her.


    "He never says a word. Just... acts like it didn''t happen." He swipes a hand across his face,


    clearly struggling to hold back whatever''s bubbling up inside.


    "Have you asked him about it?" I suggest softly.


    Heughs. "Fuck no."


    I swallow.


    You''ll Hate Me-2


    With a groan, a deep rumble in his throat, he stands up. "But that''s not even all of it!"


    His voice is wide, breaking rhrough the air as I watch him with wide eyes. He paces in front of me until he stops before me, leaning down to ce his hands beside my thighs.


    "You''ll hate me if I tell you," he whispers. There''s a raw vulnerability in his eyes that pulls at my chest. He''s being honest, open. Moreso than he''s been since Zaid confronted him at the park.


    I can''t help the spike in my heartbeat, my ears ringing as I stay quiet. Maybe it''ll keep him talking if I don''t pull him of the moment.


    He closes his eyes, like he''s fighting an internal battle. When he opens them, they''re filled with anguish. "I want to tell you. It''s eating me alive."


    My heart skips a beat and I lick my lips from the anticipation. Is he finally going to tell me what he''s been hiding? "It''s okay, you can tell me."


    A grimace crumples his expression. "What if telling you means I lose you, too?" His voice breaks, and I feel my heart twist at his words.


    "What do you mean?"


    "You don''t understand," he says, a haunted look in his eyes. "If you knew everything, you''d look at me differently. You''d look at him differently. And I''d lose... everything."


    A desperation ws at me, I have to know the truth. "Aiden, tell me."


    But he only shakes his head, his face filled with defeat. "You''ll break up with me. Ask me


    to stop."


    I frown, heat crawling up my cheeks when he leans down low enugh to where his breath


    fans my ear.


    "You''ll ask me to stop fucking that pretty pussy of yours."


    I scoff, shoving at his shoulders. "Fuck off, Aiden. That''s what you''re worried about?"


    I slip from underneath him and step to the side, groaning when I eye the bulge in


    his pants. I thought alcohol was supposed to make it harder for them to get it up.


    You''ll Hate Me-2


    "See, I''ve already gone and messed it up."


    I shake my head, "Get in the fucking car, Aiden. We''re leaving."


    He looks at me with heavy eyes and slumped shoulders.


    I point my finger at him. "And when you sober up, we''re talking."


    He whines but still follows me when I make my way to the car.

 Chapter 53

    For Now


    I sit cross-legged on Aiden''s bed.


    My eyes hurt from staying awake all night, but I couldn''t sleep. Not after Aiden dumped all of that on me. I don''t want to miss the moment he wakes up and risk never finishing the conversation he started.


    I blink the dryness away and stare out the window where the first morning light begins to slip through the blinds.


    I''m lucky the house was emptyst night, and Jake didn''t run into me practically hauling his unconsious son to his room.


    Aiden is still asleep beside me, his face is peaceful, but he looks incredibly ufortable. I took his shoes off, but his jeans and shirt stayed on. His face looks pale and his lips dry.


    I know he''s going to have a massive headache when he wakes and that peaceful look on his face will turn into a grimace from the pain.


    I y with my fingers, wondering about what it could be that Aiden is hiding. What


    it is that Zaid knows, and wants me to know too.


    It''s torn them apart, and a secret that big pulls at my curiousity. I want to know. I should know, right?


    Aiden stirs and my eyes drop to him.


    He groans softly, and smacks his lips as he struggles to open his eyes. The moment he


    does, though, he turns to me. He''s squinting, dark undercicles above his cheeks.


    "Alina?"


    I turn from him, reaching for the ss of water and painkillers I''d brought up a few hours ago. I hold them up to him. "Here."


    He groans as he sits up, blinking fast like he''s trying to hold back a wave of


    nausea.


    He takes the ss and pill, muttering, "Thanks."


    For Now


    He downs the water, wincing, and I can''t help but feel a pang of sympathy for him. Being hungover is no fun, and though I haven''t had alcohol since mother turned alcoholic, I still have the memories of long nights with friends and terrible mornings nursing a headache.


    "How are you feeling?" I ask, keeping my tone light.


    Aiden scoffs, rubbing his temple. "Like I got hit by a truck."


    I give him a small smile, but it fades quickly. "We have to talk aboutst night."


    He scoffs, shaking his head. "No, we don''t."


    Frustration res in my chest. "Aiden, you said something about Zaid and your mom. That''s important. We have to talk about it."


    He pauses, then lets out a hollowugh, shaking his head. "I don''t remember anything fromst night, honestly."


    He''s lying. I know he is. He''s avoiding my gaze and that does little to temper the frustration and anger in my chest. I want to grab his face and force him to look at me, but I hold myself back. "You can''t just brush this off."


    He meet my eyes, twisting his lips like he''s trying to decide just how much and what exactly he wants to tell me.


    I try to keep my voice steady, to mask the anger. "I know you''re hiding something about the night Zaid got arrested. And I''m not letting it go this time."


    His gaze sharpens, a sh of something unreadable crossing his face. It''s only there for a second, becuase he has to take a moment to breathe the pain of his headache away. "Are you saying you trust Zaid more than you trust me, Alina?"


    I clench my fists, fighting the urge to scream.


    He makes it apetition, but it''s not. I''m dating him, not Zaid. It''s not like I''m going to go run into Zaid''s arms and be friends with him. Regardless of my how my blood runs hot at the thought of him, the guy is still an asshole.


    "This isn''t about choosing between you and Zaid. I just want the truth, Aiden. I want to understand what happened."


    For Now


    He scoffs, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. "But that''s all it''s ever been, Alina. Choosing


    between us."


    I shake my head, confused. "What are you talking about?"


    He looks away, eyes distant. "He was mom''s favorite."


    My cybrows shoot up.


    He chuckles to himself, shaking his head. "Even after everything, after he was arrested, my mom still chose him."


    I swallow the lump in my throat, noting the sadness in his eyes. It feels lik he''s not here with me anymore, but remembering. He runs his fingers around the ss and then sets it down on the bedside table.


    I lick my lips. "What do you mean chose him?"


    "That why they were together the night she died in that car ident."


    I tilt my head.


    "He had just been released from juvie. Mom was upset about something and threatened to leave dad. She asked us to go with her, Zaid said yes. I refused to


    go."


    He swallows, slow and thick, while his eyes feel with unshed tears. He blinks them away before they can fall down his cheeks.


    My chest hallows out as Ie to understand that Zaid might know more about what I feel, what I struggle with every single day than anyone else.


    Aiden''s face falls into a grimace. "We got the call that night that they had been hit by a


    drunk driver. Mom was dead."


    He grips his head, his fingers digging into this scalp and I reach for him. I pull at his wrists, trying to stop him from hurting himself. His body was stiff, tense, his muscles hardened by the absolute terror that rushes through him.


    "Aiden," I whisper, sliding onto hisp and resting his head on my chest.


    He sobs, his body breaking down with each inhale and exhale. My shirt turns wet from his


    For Now


    tears and my own lips tremble as my own tears fall.


    I have never been held as I cried for my dad and Alex.


    I''ve never shared my pain and now I wonder if Aiden ever has.


    "I''m so sorry," I repeat over his head.


    He struggles to speak. "If I''d just gone with them, maybe... maybe she''d still be here."


    I shake my head, knowing the weight of self imposed guilt. I don''t wish it on my biggest enemy. It tears you from the inside out. "Don''t say that, don''t do that to yourself."


    I hold him until he can breathe normally and then we take a shower together, washing


    away the tears along with the pain.


    I can''t keep my interrogation going. I still have questions about the night Zaid was


    arrested, but I can put that aside, for now.

 Chapter 54

    I Just Want Simple


    Aiden''s lips brush over my cheek and he leans in closer, moving his lips against mine.


    I moan, throwing my head back so his lips are on my neck instead.


    "Faster, Aiden."


    He licks at my skin, his fingers quickening around my clit. "You''re so wet."


    I nod, panting. "Your fingers feel so good."


    The fabric of his jeans is pressed against the back of my thigh. My leg is draped over his waist, while my other legys t on the bed. He''s fully clothed, but I''m naked, my skin flushing red and prickling as he ys with my clit.


    My toes curl.


    Fuck, it feels good.


    I let him touch me, let myself sink into it, even though a part of me is still tangled in knots, wondering what he''s hiding about Zaid. Aiden, for all his ws, has been my one


    steady friend, aside from Nikki. And I''d do anything to avoid being home right now, with my mom''s nonstop wedding nning and the wedding just three days away. Still, there''s a wall between us that we both know is there, yet neither of us talks about.


    But when we kiss?


    When he touches me?


    When I turn wet between my legs?


    I can ignore that. I can pretend things are simple.


    And right now, that''s what I want: a simple moment. For once, I just want simple. I want easy; I want to feel good.


    His breath fans my neck, sending a rush down my spine.


    He presses his fingers to my entrance, leaving my clit and I immediately feel the loss of


    I Just Want Simple


    the friction.


    "Aiden," I moan,ining.


    He chuckles, deep, and shifts away. He keeps his fingers inside me and I watch him with hooded eyes as he slides down the bed and settles between my legs.


    Anticipation runs through me.


    Aiden has never eaten me out, and it''s part of the reason why I''ve never sucked his cock, even though I have been curious about his taste. He quirks an eyebrow and keeps his eyes on me, and smiles before sicking my clit between his teeth.


    I gasp and my legs begin to tremble.


    His tongue ys with my clit and his fingers thrust in and out of me.


    Pleasure runs through me, coiling in my stomach until I''m struggling to breathe. "Aiden."


    He moans against my clit.


    "Fuck, Aiden, I''ming."


    He quickens his pace, and I reach my breaking point, my body convulsing as he continues


    to y with me.


    "Aiden." I reach for his head, pulling at his hair, begging for him to stop.


    It''s too much, and I''m so sensitive, but he doesn''t stop. My orgasm washes through me


    and I lose my breath as a second one builds up and immediately follows.


    I scream.


    We''re alone in his house, no one''s here, so I let it myself be loud.


    ¡°Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,¡± I whisper quickly, burying my fingers in his scalp. Aiden finally pulls away, kissing my inner thigh. "Fucking love your pussy."


    I Just Want Simple


    Iugh, letting my head fall back on the bed. "That was...that was incredible."


    He stands and then hovers over me, nting his hands beside my head. I grab


    onto his arm, kissing his wrist as I smile up at him.


    He drops a few inches and rests his forehead against mine, his eyes soft.


    I take in his warmth, reveling in his touch.


    Suddenly, the sound of the door opening echoes through the house, cutting through our


    quiet. Aiden''s expression shifts, and he straightens, his body leaving mine as he stands up. "Who is that?"


    I frown, knowing it is too early for Jake to be home. I get up and dress quickly before we


    walk downstairs.


    The second we reach thending, I see them: my mom, Jake, and... Zaid.


    He''s standing there, suitcases beside him. His gaze lingering on me for a beat longer than


    it should and my throat instantly dries.


    I forgot what it feels like to be eaten alive by those dark eyes of his.


    I press my legs together, my orgasms still fress on my clit.


    "Alina," He whispers, tilting his head.


    Aiden''s posture changes, his jaw tight as he watches his brother step inside. And Jake, well, his eyes immediately find mine, that intense stare making me feel as if he can see every thought in my head. He looks between the three of us as if he knows something I


    don''t.


    Which doesn''t surprise me.


    Whatever secret Aiden and Zaid are keeping; Jake is too.


    I force myself to look away, my pulse quickening.


    "I didn''t know you would be back today," Aiden forces out.


    My mother waves a hand. "Oh, the wedding is in three days, Aiden. How close do


    you


    I Just Want Simple


    think we could have pushed it?"


    Jake nods at Zaid. "Get your bags to your room. We''re all having dinner together.


    I''m having chef prepare something for us."


    "Do we have to?" Aiden lifts an eyebrow.


    Jake res at him. "Yes."


    "We''re not fooling anyone," Aiden raises his voice. "You can want to pretend that we are some happy familying together, but we all know this is bullshit."


    My mother gasps, covering her mouth, and it makes me roll my eyes. I don''t know who she''s trying to fool, but something tells me she hasn''t shown Jake her truly horrible side.


    Zaid has his eyes on me, a slow smirk lifting his lips. I have to use my entire brain to keep my gaze away from him. It doesn''t work. My eyes find him now and then.


    "I want your attitude changed before we sit down to eat," Jake says, grabbing my mother''s hand as they walk into the house.


    Zaid stuffs his hands into his pocket. "Are you jealous dad will not have enough time for


    you?"


    Aiden sneers. "Fuck you."


    I frown, tilting my head at Zaid. "It''s not the marriage we''re against."


    "Wait, you''re against this, too?"


    He looks surprised, and Aiden and I look at each other. Aiden looks smug, like


    he''s proud to know something his brother doesn''t.


    I sigh, looking at Zaid. "Diana is my mother."


    Zaid''s eyes widen.

 Chapter 55

    Happy Family


    Fifteen minutester, we''re all sitting around a beautifully set dining table.


    Mother smiles at everyone. "I wanted tonight to be a test for the setup for the wedding. It''s beautiful, isn''t it?"


    I look down at my te. Clean, with white napkins and gold silverware. There are flowers, vases, and candles spread across the middle of the table. I shift my gaze to Aiden, who is sitting beside me and he is eyeing the entire thing with a scowl.


    The chef is putting the final touches on some of the dishes, and I can''t help but think that this is all a bit too extravagant.


    A little too forced.


    Mother thanks the chef, and then she turns to Aiden, Zaide and me. "I wanted to talk to


    you three about the program for the wedding."


    I tense, and Aiden snaps his head to my mother. Zaid, who is on the opposite side of the table and beside my mother, lifts an eyebrow, but keeps his gaze on his te.


    "Why?" I whisper, my voice cracking.


    "Well, we would like you guys to dance together. You know, to show how happy we are to bring our families together. It would be right after Jake and I''s first dance."


    My eyes dance between my mother and Jake. "You want me us to have a dance?"


    Mother nods enthusiastically, but Jake stays expressionless.


    "You want me to dance with them?" My eyes now shift between Aiden and Zaid.


    "Seriously, Alina," mother whispers, rolling her eyes. "Can you stop being such a pain?"


    Aiden tenses beside me. "She can feel as ufortable about this as she wants. I''ll dance


    with her, not Zaid."


    Zaid recoils, drawing his eyes away from me to look at his brother. "Hold on, if Diana here wants us to look the part of family, then I am more than happy to dance with Alina."


    Happy Family


    "Of course you are, you-"


    "Stop, Aiden." Jake finally enters the conversation. He sighs, looking to mother with an apologetic shake of his head as if saying this is what he expected out of his sons. "You will both dance with Alina, as will 1."


    My heart drops to my stomach.


    Mother smiles at that, looking at him with a grateful nod. "That''s a wonderful idea. Oh, I can dance with the boys, too."


    "No," Aiden grits, cing a hand on my thigh and squeezing it.


    "I will," Zaid forces out, looking at me with narrowed eyes.


    I feel like I''m being watched too much, too many eyes on me.


    Too many Matthews in the room.


    I want to run and hide, find a corner in this world where no one knows who I am.


    "Why are you being so difficult, Aiden? That usually falls on your brother?" Jake asks.


    I notice the way Zaid visibly tenses, the way his jaw clenches and his eyes drop back down to his te. It makes my heartbeat quicken and I want tofort him. It surprises me.


    Aiden looks to me but I only shake my head. I don''t want this night to turn into a


    conversation about how my mother treats me, how she mes me every day for the death


    of my dad and Alex.


    I couldn''t stomach that.


    His nostrils re. I can tell he doesn''t like that I''m holding back, but he listens to me, looking at Jake with defiant re. "Fine. Just tell me what you ant me to do and I''ll do


    it."


    Mother sets her silverware down and forces a smile on her face, continuing to talk


    through the program for the wedding and everyone''s jobs for that day.


    Happy Family


    Eventually, her eyes lighten and her face glows with the fairy tale she''s been building in


    her mind.


    Her and father didn''t have a wedding. They were married in the courthouse after they found out she was pregnant with Alex. They were in love and they had a good marriage. Not perfect, but good.


    They loved each other.


    She wasn''t always such a horrid person and now part of me wonders how much of that was actually her and how much was father tempering her.


    I look down at the fillet on my te and set my fork down. I''m not hungry, not even


    a little. My stomach feels like it is doing somersaults in my body and all I can do is focus on the knot in my throat.


    Aiden keeps his hand on my thigh, his thumb rubbing circles on my skin. "I can''t eat." He whispers so only I can hear him.


    I shake my head and lean back in my chair. "Neither can I."


    "We have the fitting tomorrow, all of us," Jake says, taking a bit of mashed potatoes.


    I frown.


    Zaid finally lifts his gaze. "Fitting?"


    My mother smiles. "Yes! We ordered you both suits and a dress for Alina. We want to make a family day out of it. Do the fitting, get some lunch, have some fun, you know?"


    "We have school," I say.


    Aiden nods.


    Jake grimaces. "This is our wedding week. You can take the rest of the week off of school. I''ll call the office in the morning."


    I swallow, eying Zaid and Jake, my mother and then Aiden. A whole week with all


    of them? I cling onto Aiden''s arm, blowing out a steady stream of air.


    This is just a glimpse of my future.


    Happy Family


    "So, Zaid," mother says, turning to him with a wide smile, "Are you excited to be home?"


    Zaid''s eyes flick toward me before he nods, his expression unreadable. "Yeah, I''m excited."


    Aiden is fuming beside me. I can feel the tension in his fingers.


    At the head of the table, Jake shifts ufortably, picking at his food as he stares hard at Zaid. But his gaze keeps drifting to me, a tight smile on his face


    every time I catch him looking. And I''m doing my best to look anywhere but at him, scared he''ll try to start the conversation I''ve been dreading.


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 Chapter 56

    Alone Time-1


    The car ride downtown is unbearable.


    My shoulders are jammed between Aiden and Zaid in the backseat. I feel like I''m


    suffocating, but I can''t pinpoint exactly why.


    Aiden''s hand rests possessively on my thigh, and he squeezes my skin every time Zaid shifts beside me. I twist my lips, shifting my eyes to look at him. He looks different, but exactly the same.


    His hair is longer, his eyes dark as he stares ahead. His arms are crossed over his chest, and his entire leg presses against mine.


    Mother and Jake sit in the front, the silence between them thick and unnatural, which


    only makes the entire space more insufferable.


    I huff a breath, annoyed, and throw my head back until it rests on the seat.


    Aiden leans in slightly, whispering, "You okay?"


    I nod tightly and turn to him. "Fine."


    Zaid, on my other side, doesn''t say a word, but I can feel his gaze on me, burning like a low me. He presses his leg harder into mine, and my spine shivers.


    It''s maddening how much my body reacts to him, even as I remind myself that I''m with Aiden. My pulse races when his fingers brushes against my waist in the cramped space, and I curse myself for the warmth spreading through me.


    Aiden watches me with narrowed eyes and then shifts to look around me and at his brother. "Can''t you scoot down?"


    Zaid''s fingers go still on my waist. "I''d be out the fucking car if I move."


    "At least close your fucking knees-"


    "Boys," Jake calls from the front of the car. He looks into the rearview mirror, his eyes catching mine. "We''re almost there. Don''t want to hear another word."


    Alone Time 1


    I look away from the mirror, choosing to look out of Aiden''s window,


    When we finally pull up to the bridal shop, I practically leap out of the car, grateful for Aiden''s hand as he helps pull me out. I breathe in the fresh air, my mind spinning from being enveloped in the scent of the three men that upy my mind.


    Mother gushes about how perfect everything is going to be as she takes Jake''s arm and leads us inside.


    The shop is clean and glittering, with rows of dresses and suits lining the walls. A sales assistant greets us with a smile and starts handing out the preordered outfits as mother confirms the items.


    "This shop is for your dress, Alina. We ordered the suits for the boys at another shop, Let''s go." Mother practically digs her fingers into my arm as she pulls me toward the back of the shop.


    I have no option but to follow her to the dressing room and slip inside. She sets the dress on the hook and looks me over with a raised eyebrow. "Did you bring a strapless bra?"


    I scowl. "No."


    She rolls her eyes. "Just try it on without a bra. Jake and I are heading to the other shop. Tell the assistant what you need fixed and she''ll add it to our ount."


    My jaw drops. "You''re leaving me here? You don''t want to see the dress?"


    Sheughs. "The only dress I care about is mine. Jake insisted on getting you a dress and suits for the boys."


    I purse my lips together, my hands shaking from the barely controlled anger rushing through me. She leaves, the door clicking behind her as I turn back to the dress in front of


    1. me.


    My eyes widen as I take it in. It''s hanging from a hook beside the mirror, but even then I can tell it is backless.


    "What the hell?" I whisper to myself.


    Reluctantly, I shove off my pants and shirt before reaching back to unclip my bra. My skin


    Alone Time-1


    breaks out in goosebumps from the chilly air, but I quickly shove my bra down my arms and breathe out a steady stream of air.

 Chapter 57

    Alone Time-2


    As I''m reaching for the dress, the sound of the door clicking and hinges squeaking draws my attention.


    I pull the dress, hanger and all, pressing it to my chest as I spin around to yell at whoever is it opening my door. My heart catches in my throat and I stifle the scream itching to get out when I see it is Zaid, slipping inside and closing the door quickly.


    His fingers press to my lips, silencing me before I can say a word.


    I''m gaping like a fish out of water, my blood boiling beneath my skin and my heart pounding in my chest.


    He keeps his fingers against my lips as he leans back, his dark eyes scanning me in a way that feels too intense, too personal. His gaze flickers downward, and I realize he''s noticed the state of my dress, orck of it. The green fabric is hanging loosely from my hands. It''s only covering my chest, exposing the tops of my shoulders and corbone, my legs and waist only disrupted by the pair of nude underwear.


    Heat floods my cheeks as I yank the fabric tighter around me, pulling my face away from


    his fingers.


    A slow smirk lifts his lips, and he cocks his head.


    I swallow, the dressing room feeling impossibly smaller. I re at him, trying to steady my voice even though my heart is racing. "What the hell are you doing?" I hiss.


    He shrugs, leaning casually against the door like he owns the ce. "We won''t get another chance to talk."


    "Talk about what?" I snap, tightening the dress against my chest.


    He takes a step closer, his smirk fading into something more serious.


    His dark hair is slightly messy, and it falls over his brows. It makes him all the


    more infuriatingly good-looking. I hate that I notice that.


    I try to step away, the back of my knees hitting the edge of the bench.


    8:13 pm


    Alone Time-2


    His dark eyes scan my face. "How have you been?"


    I gawk at him, my jaw dropping open. "This is the conversation we have to have right now?"


    His lips twitch like he''s about to smirk again, but he doesn''t. Instead, he leans in just enough that I can see the faint shadow of stubble on his jaw and feel the warmth of his breath, see the sharpness of his cheekbones. "Yes."


    I grit my teeth. "I''m half naked, Zaid."


    He shrugs, eyes dropping to my feet before snapping back to my eyes. "That''s just a bonus."


    "You''re insufferable," I snap, though my voice betrays me, shivering. His nearness is doing things to me. I wish it wouldn''t.


    He shrugs. "So, how have you been?"


    I roll my eyes, pressing a hand to his chest and shoving him away. "Get the fuck out,


    Zaid."


    His nostrils re and the muscle between his brows twitches. "It''ll be hard to find time for us to be alone again."


    I scoff. "Are you serious? I don''t want to be alone with you!"


    He cocks his head, cing a hand on the wall behind me as he leans closer to


    me, my hand still against his chest. "So, Aiden told you everything?"


    I grit my teeth, jaw clenching.


    He lifts an eyebrow. "No?"


    My nostrils re.


    "There''s no question you want to ask me? No conversation you want to have with me?"


    I frown. "I thought you said I would have to have that conversation with Aiden.


    Last time I tried talking to you about it, you wouldn''t open up."


    Alone Time-2


    "I was holding back for him, but after he convinced father to send me to boarding school, I don''t give a shit."


    My eyebrows lift, my cheeks turning hot. Am I finally getting the conversation I''ve been looking for?


    His eyes scan my face, taking me in. They''re dark, so dark they''re almost ck. There''re specks of gold in them, and they send pleasurable shivers down my spine.


    God, he''s so beautiful it hurts.


    "Stop staring," I whisper, not even convincing myself with those weak words.


    He tilts his head, his expression unreadable. "You look...beautiful."


    My breath catches in my throat. The way he says it makes my heart stutter, even


    though I know I shouldn''t care. "What?"


    His gaze lifts to my hair. "Your hair''s longer. It suits you."


    I hate how my heart reacts to his words, skipping a beat despite the anger


    simmering in my chest.


    "I missed you," he whispers.


    I re at him, trying to mask how flustered I feel.


    "Don''t," I say sharply. "Don''t say things like that. Especially not when you''re being


    an asshole barging in here."


    "It''s the truth."


    "You need to leave," I say firmly, even though my voice is softer than I intended. "Now."


    He doesn''t. He leans in closer, his eyes dropping to my lips. "I''ve been thinking about that


    kiss."


    I recoil, taking in the look in his eyes. "Really? You mean the kiss that you forced on me?"


    Those beautiful eyes of his turn angry and they lift from my lips to my eyes. "You wanted it, love."


    Alone Time-2


    I lift my hand from his chest, but before I can p him across the face, he grips my wrist, pulling me toward him. I gasp, feeling his erection against my stomach the moment he sters his chest to mine.


    I shake my head,pletely thrown by his nearness. "Zaid, why are you doing this? What do you want from me?"


    He hesitates, his dark eyes lingering on mine for a moment longer. Then, so unexpectedly, he presses a soft kiss on the inside of my wrist. O


    A breath leaves me, loud enough for him to hear. His lips stay on my skin, and my entire spine shudders.


    His eyes stay on mine, and for a moment, I think he''s about to say something important, something real. But then he steps back, running a hand through his hair. "Nothing," he mutters. "Forget it."


    Before I can respond, he''s gone, leaving me breathless and trembling in the too- small room. I press my hands to my cheeks, willing the heat to fade.


    I stare at the closed door, my chest tightening with a mix of anger, curiosity, and something else I can''t quite name.


    I hate him; I remind myself. He''s rude, infuriating, andpletely out of line.


    When I finally leave the dressing room, no one is in the shop, just the sales assistant with


    a few other worker.


    I hand her my garment bag, telling her that it fits just fine and head out the door. Across the street, I find Jake and my mother exiting another shop, Aiden at their heels.


    Aiden looks up first, his expression softening as he sees me and waves at me.


    I force a smile and walk over to join them, wishing more than anything that this day, and this entire wedding, was already over.


    Aiden takes my hand the moment I step onto the sidewalk and he kisses my cheek, breathing into me.


    I close my eyes.


    Alone Time-2


    Yes, this feels right, this feels normal. This is all I need, all I want.


    But then why can''t I stop thinking about Zaid?

 Chapter 58

    Leave-1


    Mother adjusts her purse on her shoulder, her smile overly bright as she looks at Jake.


    Aiden leans toward me, his arm pressed into mine.


    "I have my final hair and makeup trial to get to. You can handle the three of them, Jake?" She says, teasing him with her hand on his back.


    I blink. She''s leaving me here alone with them? My stomach turns. I nce to the side,


    catching Zaid as he walks out of the alley, throwing a cigarette on the floor before


    stomping it out.


    Gross.


    I spin around and Aiden looks annoyed. Zaid is unreadable as he makes his way toward us,


    and Jake''s jaw tightens like he''s ready to bash his face in.


    I''m left simmering in frustration.


    "Wait," I blurt, my voice sharper than I intend. "You''re just leaving? What about-"


    Mother waves a dismissive hand. "You''ll be fine, Alina. The boys just need to finish their


    fitting. Besides, it''s good for them to spend some time together." She waves onest time


    before walking away, heels clicking against the floor.


    I gape after her, trying to hold back the urge to groan. Time together? Aiden and Zaid can


    barely be in the same room without the tension getting thick enough to cut with a knife.


    Not to mention that I do not even want to breathe the same air as Jake right now. Jake sighs heavily and turns toward Aiden and Zaid. "Alright, enough of this shit." Zaid puts his hands in his pockets, and Aiden scowls. "What?"


    "Whatever is happening between the two of you, fix it."


    "There''s nothing to fix," Zaid shrugs.


    Aiden groans. "You''re the one threatening me!"


    I watch, wide eyed.


    Leave-1


    Jake exhales. "We had an agreement. The three of us." He res at Zaid after saying that,


    and he has to look away.


    The sight is weird, and it makes my blood heat.


    Jake''s jaw clenches when neither of the guys say anything, and I see a sh of the temper he usually keeps under control. "I mean it. Talk. Work it out. Now, actually."


    Before I can react, he grabs my arm.


    "Alina, you''re with me."


    "What?" I jerk back instinctively, shooting him a confused look. "Why? I can stay here-"


    "No." Jake cuts me off.


    I look at Aiden, who is following after us.


    But Jake''s already pulling me toward the car door. "Let''s go."


    "Dad-"


    Jake turns toward Aiden, shoving a finger into his chest. "Fix it, Aiden. We both know you can''t afford to lose everything."


    I nce at Aiden and notice the moment the fight leaves his body. He''s going to stay. He''s going to stay, and he''s going to let Jake take me away.


    Zaid, for his part, watches me leave with a longing gaze. At least he looks like he wants


    me to stay.


    The next thing I know, I''m in the passenger seat of Jake''s car, my stomach churning.


    "This is ridiculous," I mutter as he pulls onto the street.


    Jake''s hands grip the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white. "You''ve been avoiding


    me."


    I scoff and cross my arms, staring out the window as the city blurs past. The tension between us is suffocating. This is thest thing I want right now. Especially after


    everything.


    Leave 1


    We pull up to a small Italian restaurant I don''t recognize, the kind of ce that looks


    intimate.


    Fuck, exactly what I don''t want.


    Jake doesn''t say a word as he steps out of the car, and I reluctantly follow,


    Inside, the warm lighting and soft music do nothing to ease my nerves, Jake gets us a table in the corner, away from the other diners, and sits across from me.


    I keep my eyes fixed on the menu, pretending to be engrossed in the pasta options, I can feel the heat of his eyes on me, like they''reser pointers. "Stop it," I blurt.


    Jake doesn''t move an inch, he just keeps watching me."Stop what?" Chapter Comments


    27


    POST COMMENT NOW

 Chapter 59

    Leave-2


    "That." I gesture vaguely at him, avoiding his gaze.


    He lifts an eyebrow.


    "Staring at me like that. Like you''re trying to figure me out or something."


    His jaw tightens, but he doesn''t look away. "Maybe I am."


    The weight of his gaze is unbearable, and I feel heat creeping up my neck. "Well, don''t."


    He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. ¡°Why are you so worked up?¡±


    I snap. "What the fuck?"


    He shrugs. He infuriates me more than Zaid, which surprises me, considering how many times I''ve pictured myself stabbing him.


    "Did you know?" I whisper, more vulnerable now.


    Jake''s brow furrows. "Know what?"


    I chuckle incredulously. "You know what I''m talking about."


    His eyes darken, and I see his nostrils re slightly.


    "Did you know she was my mother?"


    He looks me up and down, dropping his arms from his chest to lean closer. ¡°I already said


    no."


    "And I don''t believe you," I blurt.


    He swallows thickly.


    "Did you go after her? Knowing she was my mother?"


    He presses his lips together. "I went to your house, looking for you."


    My heart hammers in my chest, breath escaping my lungs like I''m allergic to it.


    Leave-2


    "Your mother was home instead."


    My mouth runs dry. "You didn''t think for one second how weird this would be for me?"


    He frowns, and for a moment, I think he might explode. "Maybe just as weird as it is for me seeing you with Aiden."


    "I didn''t know he was your son.''


    "You think I nned this?" His voice is low, dangerous. "You think I wanted this?"


    "I don''t know what you wanted, Jake. All I know is that it''s messed up. Everything about this is messed up. And I mean, you guys aren''t even in love. Do you have to get married to her?"


    His hands clench into fists on the table. "If it''s the only way I''ll get to see you, then


    yes."


    The world spins and I scoot down the booth to leave. But before I can, Jake is right there scooting in to block me in.


    "What are you doing?" I whisper, pushing against his chest.


    "Don''t leave."


    I feel the tears in my eyes, but I force myself to look at him. "You just told me you''re marrying my mother to be with me."


    He sighs, running his hand down his face and shaking his head. "That came out wrong."


    "Don''t," I snap, cutting him off. "Don''t try to justify it. I don''t care."


    The server arrives with our drinks, her cheerful demeanor an unwee interruption. I quickly grab my cup and sip my water, trying to calm down, but my chest feels tight, my stomach still twisting painfully.


    Jake tells the server we need a few more minutes and then he turns those eyes


    on me. They watch me, soft and beautiful. They''re dark, like Zaid''s, and that makes my stomach


    turn.


    Jake''s voice softens. "I don''t mean to hurt you."


    Leave 2


    1 look up at him, his dark eyes filled with something I can''t quite ce. Regret, maybe.


    ¡°Then don''t get married to my mother," I whisper.


    The silence between us stretches, heavy and suffocating. Jake leans back, rubbing a hand


    over his face.


    "Leave Aiden," he breathes.


    Sourness pools in my stomach, and I shake my head. "That''s not even remotely the same


    thing."


    He grips my chin, turning my gaze to him. "We can leave. We can move across the country. Hell, we can move countries."


    I look at him, my heart pounding. There''s a little voice in my head telling me to say yes. Telling me to drop everything that seems right, so that I can do what I want.


    I cup the side of his face, the urge to kiss him burning through me. ¡°I can''t."


    He pulls away from my touch. "Then the wedding is happening."


    He takes a sip of his water, and we eat our food in silence.

 Chapter 60

    It Will Never Be


    I fold another sweater and shove it into the cardboard box in front of me, not bothering to


    keep it neat.


    It will be a pain to dig through the box and figure out where everything is, but I


    don''t


    care.


    Mother hums to herself as she walks down the hallway from her room to the hallway bathroom. She seems to be unbothered by the chaotic mess.


    Clothes, books and random things are scattered everywhere, all over the floor.


    I roll my eyes and peek my head out of my bedroom. "Are you expecting me to clean up


    all this mess?"


    Mother stops with her shampoo in her hands, frowning. "Of course not. Jake is hiring a cleaningpany to take care of everything we leave behind. Just take what you want."


    "How can you be so calm about this?" I ask.


    She shrugs, walking toward her room again. "I''m ready to start this new chapter of


    our


    lives."


    A new chapter. Yeah right. Something tells me nothing is going to change except our living situation. "Does Jake know you''re an alcoholic?"


    She gasps, jaw dropped. "Don''t be so dramatic. So, I like to finish my day off with a ss


    of wine, that doesn''t make me an alcoholic, Alina."


    I sneer at her. She says it''s a ss of wine, but it''s more like bottles. With an s.


    Moving into Jake''s house feels more like stepping into a twisted version of my life than


    any kind of fresh start, and dread fills me up to the brim.


    Mother didn''t even listen to me when I told her that I could keep living here and she could live with Jake and the guys. She told me that was ridiculous, too.


    The wedding is tomorrow, and tonight is the rehearsal dinner. I don''t know what''s worse: pretending everything is fine or knowing I''ll be living under the same roof as Jake by the


    It Will Never Be


    end of the day.


    My chest tightens as I think about our conversation yesterday. His confession that he''s marrying my mother just to be close to me.


    Fuck.


    There was a part of me that wanted to be ttered at that. That he wanted me under the


    same roof as him. Therger part of me was absolutely disgusted with him.


    Maybe Aiden and I could get a ce together, move out and...


    And what?


    Do I see a future with him?


    I don''t.


    But Aiden''s fun. He makes me feel normal; he makes me forget.


    I shake the thoughts away and shove another handful of clothes into the box.


    "I think I''m done here," mother says as she walks to the living room with a box in her


    hands.


    None of the furniture ising, so the packing is quick. Jake''s house is fully furnished, and I''m sure he does not want the style ruined by our secondhand things.


    We load thest of the boxes into the car, my stomach churning as I slide into the passenger seat.


    The ride to Jake''s house is silent, my nerves eating me up too much to let me speak. Not that I have anything I want to talk to mother about.


    When we pull up, Jake is waiting for us outside. His tall frame leans casually against the doorframe, but his eyes are anything but rxed. They''re locked on me, intense and burning, and I can''t help the way my heart skips a beat.


    "Alina," he says, his voice low as I step out of the car.


    I look away, my pulse racing. His words from yesterday echo in my head: If it''s the


    only


    It Will Never Be


    way I''ll get to see you.


    I hate him for saying it, for putting me in this position. And yet, I can''t stop the wild flutter in my chest whenever he looks at me, when I remember his touch.


    Jake helps carry our boxes inside, leading the way to my new room. My mother follows close behind, chattering about how nice everything is.


    "This will be your room," Jake says, opening the door.


    I step inside, my eyes immediately scanning the space. It''s clean and impersonal, with a bed, a small desk for schoolwork, and a vanity tucked in the corner. There''s no bathroom. The realization that I''ll have to share with Aiden and Zaid hits me like a brick.


    My room is sandwiched right between theirs.


    "Is there another room?" I ask before I can stop myself.


    My mother whirls on me, her tone sharp. "Alina, don''t be rude. You should be grateful you have your own room."


    I bite my tongue, ring at the floor. Grateful? Grateful for what? That I''ve been uprooted and shoved into this house to y happy family with Jake? With Aiden


    and


    Zaid?


    I set my box down on the bed, letting out a sigh. The mattress is too perfect, the furniture too polished. Nothing about this room feels like mine.


    The door creaks open behind me, and I turn to see Aiden stepping in. He smiles softly, his expression easing some of the tension knotting my shoulders.


    "Hey," he says, leaning against the doorframe.


    "Hey," I reply.


    "You okay?" he asks, his eyes scanning my face.


    I nod as I crinkle my nose. "Just... adjusting."


    He steps closer, his presence warm andforting in a way I desperately need.


    "It''s


    weird, I know."


    It Will Never Be


    We plop down on the bed beside each other, and he presses a kiss to my


    shoulder.


    I blow out a stream of air. "Really weird."


    He smiles against my skin. "You can always stay in my room."


    I cup his cheek, smiling as I bite my lip. "You won''t get tired of me?"


    "Nope."


    We stay like that for a bit and then he gives me onest smile before heading


    back to his room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sit on the edge of the bed,


    staring at the box I''ve barely unpacked.


    This isn''t home. It will never be.

 Chapter 61

    Nightmare


    The house is busy. People are running around, yelling at each other across the rooms if they don''t have walkie talkies.


    I''m in my room. The door closed, ignoring the sound of people running around. Caterers, nners and decorators are hustling to make everything look perfect for my mother''s


    approval.


    Tonight''s the rehearsal dinner and I''m honestly questioning why they''re making it such a big deal. It might as well just be the wedding. I peer out the window.


    The backyard is transforming into something out of a magazine, with twinkling lights and elegant table settings that feel too extravagant for such a small gathering.


    I wonder how much money Jake is putting into this because Lord knows my mother has


    none.


    I take my time getting ready, not even bothering to check up on mother. I do my skincare, paint my nails and soon I Islip into my light orange silk dress.


    It''s modest, with long sleeves and a high neckline, the hem stopping just above my knees.


    Pairing it with nude heels. It''s cute, romantic.


    I sweep my hair into a loose bun, leaving a few wisps framing my face, and add a touch of natural makeup.


    As I''m applying my lipstick, a knock on the door pulls me from the mirror.


    "Come in," I call, pressing my lips together.


    Aiden steps in. I smile at him through the mirror and my breath catches.


    He''s wearing a fitted suit, the dark fabric perfectlyplementing his broad shoulders


    and sharp jawline. His dark tie is neatly knotted, and his hair is styled just enough to look


    both effortless and intentional.


    He smiles at me and that perfect curve also falters as he whistles, running a hand down


    his face.


    Nightmare


    "You look..." he starts, but then shakes his head with a grin. "You''re stunning." Heat rises to my cheeks as I smile. "You''re not so bad yourself."


    He lifts an eyebrow and closes the door behind him before crossing the room.


    He stands behind my chair and his hands gently find my waist as he''presses a soft kiss to my jaw. I still smile at his reflections, pressing my hand to the side of his face.


    His lips wander down my jaw to my neck and I take a sharp inhale of breath before pushing him away. "Stop! We have to head downstairs."


    He groans, hands lowering to my legs, trying to lift my dress. "Not even two minutes?"


    "No, you''re going to mess up my hair and makeup." I turn to face him, shaking my head.


    "You''re so beautiful, baby," he murmurs against my mouth, helping me stand before he wraps his arm around my waist..


    I pull back, still smiling. "Let''s go before my mother sends a search party."


    "Good idea," he says, offering me his arm.


    We make our way downstairs and, as we pass the kitchen, Aiden pulls me through the staff carrying trays of hors d''oeuvres and champagne flutes. Aiden grabs a couple of appetizers off a tray, handing me one as we exchange mischievous grins.


    "Champagne?" he asks, nodding toward a cluster of flutes on the counter.


    "Absolutely," I reply, grabbing two sses, smiling widely.


    We toast with a quiet clink and drink quickly, muffling ourughter as we set the empty sses back down.


    "This feels so wrong," I whisper.


    "Then we''re doing it right," he says, his hand on my ass as we head to the backyard.


    ¡°Be appropriate," I chastise, lifting his hand to my waist.


    Outside, the scene is breathtaking. The tables are set with flickering candles and floral


    Nightmare


    centerpieces. The lights above look so beautiful in the darkening sky. Most of the guests have arrived, mingling in small groups with sses in hand.


    Aiden and I find a quiet spot near one of the high tables,ughing and chatting about nothing in particr. It feels good to just be.


    He doesn''t stopplementing me, his hands looking for ways to touch me every


    chance he gets. "All I can think about is getting you out of that dress."


    I pretend to be shocked at his words, pressing a hand to my chest. "Maybe I''ll let you


    after all of this is over."


    He smiles, stepping in close to me. "I can sneak up a bottle of champagne."


    I hum. "That sounds perfect."


    But then Aiden looks over my shoulder and tenses, his expression darkening as he mutters, "You''ve got to be fucking kidding me."


    "What?" I ask, turning to follow his gaze.


    Zaid is stepping out of the house, looking every bit his usualposed self in a crisp ck suit. My stomach tightens at the sight of him, but it''s not just Zaid that has my chest clenching, it''s the girl by his side.


    Her red dress clings to her like it was painted on, her heels clicking against the stone pathway as she walks beside Zaid, her arm in his.


    It''s Sadie.


    My vision turns blurry, my hearing muffled. Everything feels distant and I can barely hear


    Aiden''s voice as he calls my name.


    My chest aches and I can''t breathe.


    Why? Why would he bring her here?


    I rub my scar on my wrist trying to ground myself, trying to breathe.


    My heart lodges in my throat and I turn to Aiden, letting my body fall against his


    chest, his arms wrap around me, keeping me upright.


    spighe


    "Why is she here?" I ask, my voice low and shaky.


    "I don''t know," he says. "Fuck, he''s an ass


    Zaid''s gaze sweeps through the crowd, his expression unreadable until his dark eyesnd on me. His lips curve into a faint smirk, and I swear it''s deliberate. "Let''s go," Aiden says, his voice sharp as he grabs my hand.


    But I don''t move. I can''t. My feet feel rooted to the ground, my pulse racing as I try


    to process what''s happening


    Why would Zaid bring her here? And why does it feel like she''s here for me, not him?


    Sadie''s eyes meet mine, and she smiles, a sly, knowing expression that makes my stomach


    chum.


    This rehearsal dinner just became a nightmare.

 Chapter 62

    Numb


    All I can really focus on is the fact that I''m in Aiden''s arms. I''m still trying to regain my bnce and redirect my vision, but everything is blurry.


    His embrace is warm, weing, but he''s so tense. His fingers dig into my back, holding me as if I might crumble to the ground. I''m trying to focus on his steady breathing, on anything but the sickening twist in my stomach as Sadie and Zaid approach our table.


    His arms tighten, and I know they''re in front of us. I lift my eyes from the ground and the breath in my lungs freezes.


    Zaid''s eyes are locked on me, his expression guarded but intense. I swallow thickly, hating the way his dark eyes burn me. It''s like he''s trying to gauge how much damage he''s done by bringing Sadie here.


    1 feel betrayed, blindsided. The one person who had stood by me when Sadie''s jealousy had spiraled out of control is now the one walking beside her, bringing her into this.


    Aiden''s hold tightens even more and I do not grimace from the pain. Honestly, anything other than the feeling of betrayal is a wee thing.


    Aiden''s voice is cold as he res at his brother. "Are you insane? You think it''s okay to bring her here?"


    Sadie rolls her eyes, her painted smile sharp. "At least Zaid knows how to treat me right."


    My eyes slice to her, my stomach churning at the sight of her manicured fingernails running up and down his arm.


    "Not like you," she finishes with a sugary venom, her gaze taking in Aiden.


    Zaid''s jaw tightens at her words, a flicker of annoyance crossing his face. He doesn''t respond to her, though. Instead, his dark eyes return to me.


    I meet his stare, unable to mask the hurt radiating from my chest. He was the one who saved me from Will. The one who took me to that tiny diner after Sadie had me attacked.


    And now? Now, he was the one bringing Sadie here, like a taunt. Like a game.


    Numb


    My stomach churns violently. I think I''m going to be sick.


    "I''ll be right back," I say to Aiden, my voice wavering.


    His brow furrows, concern flickering in his eyes. "Alina-"


    "I''m fine," I insist, forcing a shaky smile. "Stay here, okay? Please."


    He hesitates, clearly torn, but finally nods. I slip from his arms and walk quickly toward the house, trying to ignore the weight of Zaid''s gaze burning into my back.


    The kitchen is nearly empty, most of the staff busy outside. I lean over the sink, clutching the counter as I try to steady my breathing. The pain in my stomach refuses to ease, and shes of Will''s face creep into my mind.


    His hands around my neck.


    The way he threw me across the bathroom.


    My breath wavers.


    I shake my head violently, gripping the counter harder. Not now, Alina. Don''t fall apart


    now.


    "Hey."


    The word startles me. My body stiffens as I grip the counter harder, the voice sending a shiver down my spine.


    I turn slowly, already knowing who it is. Zaid stands in the doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets.


    "Leave me alone," I snap, anger ring in my chest.


    His eyes darken as they sweep over me, taking in the dress I''m wearing, the way


    it clings to my legs. There''s something almost feral in his gaze, molten heat that


    makes my skin crawl and burn at the same time.


    He shakes his head, stepping closer. "I don''t want to leave you alone."


    His eyes are still on my legs, and I shift them nervously. The words send a bolt of


    Numb


    frustration through me.


    I scoff, my back pressing against the counter as he keeps closing the distance. "Stop," I say sharply, my voice trembling.


    Zaid exhales slowly, his head tilting slightly as he leans in, close enough that I catch the faintest scent of alcohol mingling with his cologne.


    "Are you drunk?" I ask, disgust evident in my tone.


    His lips curl into a smirk, and his eyes drop to my lips, his hands still in his pockets. He shrugs. "Had a few drinks."


    I re at him, my chest heaving. "You''re disgusting."


    His eyes re, and they lift to my eyes. He presses closer and I''m forced to almost sit on the countertop.


    "Zaid," I hiss.


    He inhales, nose brushing my neck.


    I shove at him. "Stop! You don''t get to act like this. Not after what you''ve done.


    Bringing


    her here-"


    I stop before my voice cracks, and I hate myself for it.


    Zaid''s smirk falters, reced by something softer, something almost regretful.


    "Why did you do it?" I whisper, looking for his humanity.


    His jaw clenches.


    "You know what she did to me."


    He wipes the tear from my cheek, and I surprisingly don''t flinch at his touch. His


    eyes move around my face, like they''re eating me, taking me in.


    "Now you know how it feels," he whispers.


    Numb


    I frown, blinking through my tears. "What?"


    He takes a step back, breathing in as he shoves his hands back in his pockets.


    "How I feel when I see you with Aiden."


    My jaw drops open. "That''s not even...that''s not even close to being the same thing."


    He tilts his head. "Oh?"


    "What has Aiden done to you that could even be remotely close to what Sadie had done to


    me?"


    He inhales. ¡°That night, when I got arrested-"


    But before he can say anything else, Aiden walks into the kitchen, Sadie hot on his heels.


    "Leave her the fuck alone, Zaid," Aiden sneers, grabbing my hand and taking me upstairs


    with a forceful pull.


    Zaid watches after me, eyes dark and angry,


    I follow after him, and my anger burns like a wildfire. Anger at Zaid for bringing


    Saide and anger at Aiden for ending the conversation between us.


    I notice Aiden has that bottle of champagne in one hand and I close my eyes, breathing slowly as I look forward to shutting down and forgetting all the things Zaid makes me


    feel.


    Tonight, I want to be numb.

 Chapter 63

    And I Did, Too


    I take a long swig from the bottle. It feels and tastes like water now, not that


    champagne is terrible to behind with.


    Aiden had to go downstairs and get two more when we finished the first one pretty quick. He pulled at the tie on his cor and loosened it.


    We are sitting on my bedroom floor, our backs to my bed as we drink.


    "Mother is gonna be pissed when she finds out that we left the dinner to drink in my room," I snort as I pass him the bottle.


    He smiles widely at me. "She doesn''t have to find out."


    He takes his own swig, the liquid in the bottle making a sound as he puts it on the ground.


    My head is spinning and I''m d we can turn off our brains for a second. I turn toward him, climbing on hisp until I straddle him, my dress bunched up at my hips.


    A slow smile curls his lips as I run my hand through his hair.


    "I remember saying that I would let you take my dress off tonight."


    That smile of his grows, and he wraps his arms around my waist. He hums, nodding. I


    swirl my hips, rubbing them up and down hisp.


    He moans, his hands gripping my hair to bring my lips to his. "Fuck, I''ve been waiting for this all night."


    His tongue delves into my mouth, and I kiss him hard as I shove my hips against his. I can''t help the moan in my throat when I feel him harden beneath me, between my thighs.


    My entire body hums and I love it, my brain muddy from the alcohol.


    He reaches for my neck, the button to my dress at the back. He undoes it without separating our lips and I pull my arms from the sleeves.


    The dress drops to my waist and his hands are at my back, running up and down my spine


    And I Did, Too


    until he undoes my bra, letting it drop to the floor. I throw my head back, giving him ess to breasts and he takes advantage.


    His tongue and lips are on my nipples, my skin breaking out into goosebumps.


    "Aiden," I moan.


    He pops my breast out of his mouth and ps my ass. "Stand up."


    I do and watch as his eyes take me in. He pulls at my dress, down my legs and to my feet, where I step out of it. I''m in nothing but my ck thong and he grabs my hips, bringing me to his face.


    He sniffs, long and deep.


    "Aiden," I moan, running my hands through his hair.


    He smiles against my skin, his teeth pulling at my thong. He drags them down my legs too and when I step out of them; he grabs my leg, throwing it over his shoulder.


    I nt my foot on the bed behind him and gasp when he licks me from my opening to my clit. I shudder. He''s never done this before.


    His fingers part my lips, and he blows on my clit. I gasp, grabbing onto my breasts.


    "Fuck, I love it when you''re freshly waxed."


    I can only hum. He scrapes his teeth on one of my lips and I thrust toward his face. He chuckles at that, the only warning I get before he grabs my ass and presses me to him.


    I moan, back arching. His tongue circles my clit, his finger thrusting in and out of me. The tension in my body and my mind fade until it''s nothing and I ride his face. One foot on the floor, the other on the bed.


    His hands knead my ass, helping me use his face as nothing but a means of friction for my


    pussy.


    Fuck, it feels good.


    He sucks on my clit, biting down on it. His eyes shift to me and I know it''s because


    he feels me tense. My stomach coils and that dreadful, beautiful wave of pleasure


    runs


    And I Did, Too


    through me. I moan, throwing my head back as I continue to thrust into his face.


    I ride his mouth until I squeeze every second of pleasure from my orgasm.


    I pull away out of breath and Aiden only wipes his face,ys down t on the ground and pulls his hard cock from his pants.


    "Ride me."


    I don''t argue with him. I want to feel good.


    I drop onto his hips, my hands on his chest, and he lines up to my entrance.


    We moan together, his length entering me inch my inch, stretching me out until I''m


    throbbing around him, pulsing like he''s my pussy''s heartbeat.


    I give myself a second to adjust, and Aiden''s hands grip my waist. "So fucking beautiful, baby."


    I lift my hips and drop them, the smack of our skining together filling the room. He rolls his eyes to the back of his head.


    I do it again, setting a healthy, medium-paced rhythm for myself.


    My clit it still pulsing from my orgasm and my excitement builds at the thought of another. Aiden grunts beneath me, his fingers digging into my hip bones and my


    ass.


    "Fuck, baby."


    I push off his chest, bringing my hands to my breasts and use my knees and thighs for all the work.


    My muscles burn, but he feels so good.


    "You like that?" He mutters, eyes hooded, tongue licking his lops.


    I nod. "I love it."


    "What do you love, baby?"


    "Your cock." I pinch my nipple, a shiver passing through me as I quicken my pace.


    And I Did, Too


    "Fuck, yeah, baby." His nostrils re, hold on me tightening.


    I see movement in my peripherals and I look at the door, my heart hammering in


    my chest, when I realize that it is slightly open.


    I force myself to not react, catching sight of a pair of beautiful, dark eyes.


    Zaid.


    He''s watching, eyes hooded, nostrils ring.


    My pussy clenches.


    I drop my hands, giving him an eyeful of my breasts. His eyes drop to my chest


    and I can see the moment he clenches his jaw.


    Ie.


    Hard and fast. My breathing out in pants. I moan, dropping my hands to


    Aiden''s chest again and riding him like I''m made for it.


    Our skin ps together, my orgasm still lighting me on fire.


    "Fuck, fuck, fuck," Aiden repeats, his own thrusts meeting mine. They turn chaotic


    and then he tenses, a growl leaving his lips before warm seed fills me up.


    I try to catch my breath, watching as Zaid stares at me. He closes the door softly, Aiden


    none the wiser.


    Shame fills me. It had turned me on so much in the moment that I didn''t really pay


    attention to what I was doing.


    That I wanted Zaid to see me.


    That he liked it, and I did too.

 Chapter 64

    Punishment


    I''m asleep one second, and the next, I''m sitting upright to the sound of my bedroom door mming open.


    My head spins and the lighting in from the window makes my eyes burn.


    I hiss, grabbing my head and looking at the door. My blood drains from my face when I see Jake standing there with rage in his eyes.


    But then I notice how his nostrils re and how he''s not looking at my face. He''s looking at my chest.


    I look down, realizing I''m naked, and gasp, grabbing my sheets to cover myself.


    When I raise my eyes to him, he''s finally looking at me. I swallow, kicking at a sleeping Aiden beside me.


    He mutters something under his breath,ining.


    "Aiden," I whisper.


    He groans, grabbing his pillow and throwing it over his head.


    I kick his leg again. "Aiden."


    He grunts, lifting his head and shooting me a re. "I''m sure you''re as hungover


    as me, so why are you awake?"


    I clear my throat.


    A slow smile creeps up his lips. "You want a morning fuck, don''t you?"


    My eyes widen, and I look at the door.


    The moment he sees the look of horror on my face, though, he sits up and turns to his father. "Fuck."


    Jake is fuming. His shoulders rising and falling every breath. "Are you an idiot, son?"


    I press my lips together and Aiden huffs, sitting on the edge of the bed with his feet on


    Punishment


    the floor. "What?"


    Jake''s eyes shift to me. "You both disappearedst night."


    I swallow thickly.


    Aiden drops his head between his shoulders, massaging his temples. "Yeah, so?"


    Jake cocks his head. "So? That was an important night. For both your mother and me."


    He looks at the both of us as he speaks.


    Aiden tenses. "Zaid brought Sadie."


    Jake frowns. Looking at me with a questioning gaze.


    I nod.


    Jake sighs. "You know what? Just get the fuck out of here. I don''t want to see your face." He points out of the door.


    Aiden stands and leans over the bed to kiss me. It''s slow, long and way too sensual to be done in front of his father. I have to push him away for him to stop.


    He gives me an apologetic look. He''spletely naked, but acts as if that''s the most


    normal thing and walks away, bumping shoulders with his father.


    I realize then that I have Jake''s full attention. I scramble off the bed, tightening the sheets around me as he closes the door and makes his way toward me. His lips lift in a scowl when he sees my dress, my thong and my bra scattered across the floor.


    "Jake," I whisper, pressing one hand to his chest to stop his advance when he gets too


    close.


    He''s so warm, his breathing out in puffs, his chest hard against my hand. "Your mother is downstairs, waiting for you."


    I nod.


    "She''s angry."


    Punishment


    "I bet," I whisper, my mouth dry.


    "Go, apologize to her."


    Heat rises through me. "I will, as soon as you leave, so I can dress."


    His eyes drop to where my hand is holding the sheets to my chest. "I should make you drop that right here in front of me."


    My cheeks me.


    His hand grips my wrist and I hold on tighter to the bedsheet. Fuck. Memories of him fucking me in his car, of him fucking me in practically every room of this house


    My clit res,ing to life, and my pussy turns wet.


    Jake''s eyes turn dark, hooded. "I should punish you for your disrespect."


    I scoff. "Me being naked in front of you would hardly be a punishment." Amusement lights his eye and he steps close enough to me to where can feel his erection between us. "Trust me, I have many ideas on how to punish you. Being naked is not one


    of those."


    My eyes widen. He leans closer, his mouth at my ear.


    "So many ideas on how to turn that delicious skin of yours so red, your pussy so wet, you''ll be begging for my cock."


    My breath hitches.


    "But you need to apologize to you mother first."


    I nod against his cheek, and he inhales the skin on my neck.


    He steps back, adjusting the erection in his pants. I can''t help the way my eyes drop to it. My heart hammers in my chest and my mouth waters. His cock is big, and he knows how to use it, so much better than Aiden.


    I let go of the sheet, letting it fall down to my feet.


    Punishment


    Jake''s eyes widen, taking me in, every single inch of my skin is taken in by his gaze.


    I''m weak. So fucking weak with this man. He will always have a piece of me, something I will never be able to give anyone else.


    He reaches for me, his fingers delving between my legs, between my lips. I can hear the


    wetness.


    Jake moans deep in his chest and when retracts his fingers, they''re wet. Dripping. He''s looking down at his hand when he speaks. "We can still stop this wedding." My shoulders fall. "No."


    His nostrils fare, and angry eyes meet mine. He nods stiffly once and then turns around and walks away, leaving me cold, naked and alone. O

 Chapter 65

    Wedding Day


    It takes me a moment to gather myself. My blood is rushing through me and I squeeze my legs tight before moving and dressing.


    I only put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and then wander through, the house, my footsteps quiet against the hardwood floors.


    The heat of the moment and of Jake''s touch have vanished and all that''s left is a terrible embarrassment. Thest thing I want to do right now is talk to mother.


    On her wedding day.


    On their wedding day.


    I blow out a steady stream of air, hoping it will lessen the ache in my chest.


    My mother is nowhere to be found, and with each empty room I check, I am more relieved.


    I don''t want to apologize. I didn''t want to be there with Sadie on Zaid''s arm. My cheeks heat, remembering how he watches me as I rode Aiden.


    Fuck, what are these men doing to me? Why do they all make me feel things I have never felt before?


    I search for a few more minutes, but I decide she''s probably busy withst-minute things and getting ready. At least, if she''s not full on avoiding me.


    I decide to call it quits and head back up to my room. I pick up mine and Aiden''s clothes fromst night. There''s no time to dwell on this shit show. For now, I need to pull myself together and get ready for the ceremony.


    The hot water of the shower scalds my skin, but it washes away some of the tension knotting my shoulders. Steam curls around me as I try to clear my mind. The day feels like it''s happening to someone else.


    My mother is getting married.


    To Jake.


    Wedding Day


    The thought sends a strange, bitter taste to the back of my throat, and I shake my head, forcing myself to focus on the task at hand.


    I''m surprised when a sob racks through me and I cover my mouth. It''s all too real.


    Mother marrying again really means dad is dead. Which is such a dumb thing to cry about now. He hasn''t even been gone for two years yet, I run my fingers over my scar and my


    entire body shakes with my cry.


    It''s insane that this is making me lose it. I don''t want to feel this.


    I quiet and dry off, wrapping myself in a towel as I settle in front of my vanity. Slowly, methodically, I start on my makeup. Light, dewy foundation, a soft shimmer on my eyelids, and a bold, red-toned lipstick. My hair is next. I sweep it up into a sleek bun, leaving a few strands loose to frame my face in soft waves.


    Once my hair and makeup are finished, I turn to the dress hanging on the back of my door. The green fabric gleams in the dim light, silky and enticing. I slip it on; the material clinging to my body like a second skin.


    The slit runs daringly high, brushing the curve of my hipbone as I adjust the fit. I twist my lips. The band of my ck thong is visible and I hike it up more to see if it will adjust.


    I turn around. The back plunges low, skimming down to my tailbone, leaving me feeling


    exposed.


    I can''t wear this dress. It''s terribly out of myfort. With a sigh, I smooth the


    dress down, turning slowly to study my reflection.


    The girl in the mirror looks bold. Exactly what I don''t feel right now.


    A knock on the door jolts me out of my thoughts.


    "Alina?" Aiden''s voicees through.


    I take onest nce at myself in the mirror, swallowing the lump in my throat. When I


    open the door, Aiden stands there, leaning casually against the frame. His eyes sweep over


    me, widening slightly as his mouth quirks into a lopsided smile.


    "You look..." He exhales softly, his gaze lingering for a second too long. "Incredible."


    Wedding Day


    ¡°Thanks,¡± I say, trying to suppress the heat rising to my cheeks.


    He presses a hand to my chest, pushing me into the room as he closes the door behind him. "There''s only one problem."


    I frown at him. "What?"


    He smirks, dropping down to his knees in front of me. I watch him with a quirked eyebrow. He hooks a finger on the band of my thong. "It would look so much better without these."


    I shake my head. "No, Aiden."


    He''s dragging them down my legs.


    "I can''t gomando!"


    He grabs my ankles, one by one, and makes me step out of them. "Oh, yes you can, and


    it''s fucking sexy."


    "Aiden," I grit.


    He shoves the front of my dress skirt to side and presses a kiss to my pussy, "Perfect."


    I re at him as he adjusts my dress and stands up. He leans to kiss me, but I


    stop him. "You''re going to ruin my makeup."


    He rolls his eyes, but doesn''t try to kiss me again.


    "Did you get into more trouble after this morning?" I ask as I fix his hair.


    His eyes harden, and he turns from me to sit on the edge of my bed. "Dad''s


    gonna make me start paying for my car."


    I snort. "That''s such a privileged punishment."


    He narrows his eyes at me. "Oh, yeah, what was your punishment?"


    I clear my throat, trying not to think about the way Jake wants to punish me. "I


    have to apologize to my mother."


    Wedding Day


    Aiden raises an eyebrow but shrugs. "That sounds terrible."


    I nod, forcing a smile. "Yeah, terrible. Let''s go."


    He stands and offers me his arm, and I loop mine through his as we make our way downstairs, the sound of faint chatter andughter filtering in from the backyard. With every step closer to the ceremony, my stomach churns, but I keep my nerves in ce.


    Aiden leans toward my ear and whispers. "Zaid isn''t bringing Sadie today. You''re safe."


    That''s good news, but the thought of Zaid alone is enough to make me shudder.

 Chapter 66

    Delicious


    We step out into the backyard and the only thing stopping me from wobbling in my high heels is Aiden''s steady arm beneath mine.


    The evening breeze sends shivers down my spine, and my skin breaks out into goosebumps. People are talking around us, drinking and having appetizers.


    Some of them wave at Aiden. Most of the people here are their friends and family. He only waves back at them and doesn''t try to start any conversation.


    Twinkling lights are strung through the trees, casting a soft light over the crowd. Everything is picture-perfect. Far too perfect for the storm of nerves swirling in my chest.


    My stomach is a mess, my nerves flying erratically inside of me.


    My eyes scan the space, taking in the faces of people I don''t recognize until theynd on Zaid.


    He''s standing near the edge of the crowd, dressed in a perfectly tailored ck suit that fits him like a glove. His hair is styled just enough to be called neat, though a strand falls rebelliously across his forehead. The sharp lines of his jaw and the depth of his dark eyes make him look impossibly handsome.


    Too handsome.


    I feel a wave of heat rush through me, making me hyper-aware of the fabric of my dress, the way it clings to me, the daring slit that exposes my thigh with every step.


    And the fact that I''m not wearing any underwear.


    Fuck. I rub my legs together, but that does little to help the unease between them. Zaid tilts his head at me like he knows and, for a second, I feel like both of us are thinking aboutst night.


    About how he watches mee on his brother''s cock.


    I shift ufortably, a flush creeping up my neck as I try to push the thought


    away. Aiden nces down at me, his brow furrowing slightly.


    Delicious


    "You okay?" he asks, his voice low.


    I nod quickly, forcing a tight smile. "Yeah, I''m fine."


    He misinterprets my difortpletely, his hand giving mine a reassuring squeeze. "Don''t worry about Zaid. He was an idiot for bringing Sadie yesterday. Let''s just enjoy the


    night, okay?"


    I nod again, though his words barely register. My focus is splintered, darting between Zaid and the growing crowd.


    He kisses me softly. "How are you feeling?"


    He rubs a finger against my exposed hip and I know what he''s asking me about. I


    inhale against his lips. "I feel fine."


    He smiles. "Can you feel the breeze?"


    He shifts his hand under my dress, and I grab his wrist. "Stop, Aiden."


    With augh, he draws his hand back. "Okay, fine."


    "You were seriously not thinking about fingering me at our parent''s wedding."


    He shrugs and I smack his arm. "I can''t help it. I want more if you every single fucking


    time."


    "I know the feeling," I mutter.


    We stand at a high table for a while, drinking water and lemonade, when we hear


    He looks so good in his suit, my mouth dries as I watch him walk toward us. But then his eyes find me.


    The change is subtle. A flicker of something dark, sharp, as his gaze travels over me. I can feel the weight of his attention, lingering on the slit of my dress, where my leg peeks through.


    Delicious


    My stomach twists, though I''m not sure if it''s from difort or something else entirely.


    Jake starts walking toward us, his smile never wavering. When he reaches us, his eyes flick to Aiden briefly before settling back on me.


    "Do you mind giving me a moment with Alina?" Jake asks smoothly.


    Aiden lifts an eyebrow. "Why?"


    "Just want some words with my future step-daughter."


    My stomach revolts.


    Aiden looks at me for a moment before he shrugs. "I''ll grab us some drinks. Be right back."


    I open my mouth to protest, but Aiden is already walking away. My heart stutters


    as I turn back to Jake, his presence suddenly overwhelming.


    His eyes rake over me slowly, deliberately, making my skin prickle with heat. "Jake." It''s practically a beg on my tongue.


    It doesn''t stop him, though. He lingers on my leg, then my waist, and then my chest. He leans in slightly, his voice low and teasing. "I knew you''d look delicious in that dress."


    I lose my breath for a moment; the words hitting me like a bolt of lightning. "You...


    picked it out?"


    His lips curl into a smirk. "Of course I did. You think your mother would?"


    The admission sends a rush of warmth flooding through me, leaving me feeling dizzy and


    off-bnce. My fingers curl into fists at my sides, trying to ground myself.


    I shake my head. "I didn''t really think about it, to be honest."


    Jake steps closer. I watch as his nostrils re. "What are you wearing underneath?"


    My eyes widen. "Jake, I''m not having this conversation. You''re marrying my mother, for


    fuck''s sake."


    Delicious


    "We can still end this."


    "Jake." My heart hammers in my chest,


    Another step and his hand brushes lightly against my arm as he leans in and presses a chaste kiss to my cheek. The touch is brief but lingers like a brand, leaving me breathless.


    "The ceremony''s about to start," he murmurs, his voice rich and smooth, sending a shiver down my spine.


    I nod mutely, unable to form words as he pulls back, his smirk deepening as if he knows exactly what he''s done to me. Then he turns and walks away, leaving me standing there, my heart pounding wildly in my chest.


    Aiden returns with a drink for me and, as he hands it to me, he leans toward my ear. "I had them spike it for us."


    I blow out a stream of air. "Good."


    I throw my head back and swallow most of the drink. Aiden snorts. "What the fuck


    did my father say to you?"


    "You don''t want to know."


    He hums, his hand on my lower back as he pushes me toward the front of row in


    the ceremony area. Zaid sits beside me and I tense.


    His shoulder brushes against mine, and I can feel his eyes on the side of my head. I can''t take the burning. I turn to look at him.

 Chapter 67

    Three


    I regret looking at him almost immediately.


    I''m suffocating. Heating up.


    Zaid''s dark eyes meet mine, smoldering with an intensity that makes my breath hitch. There''s hunger there, a desire that wraps around me, tightening like a coil. It''s so intense that I wonder if any other man on this earth ever truly found me beautiful.


    None had ever looked at me the way he does.


    "You look beautiful," Zaid murmurs, his voice low enough that only I can hear.


    A flush creeps up my neck, and I struggle to steady my breathing. Iy my hand


    on my


    neck, where it meets my chest, but it does little to help.


    "Thank you," I whisper, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I try to find something else


    to focus on.


    But Aiden is distracted with a conversation, and I am left to fend for myself.


    The weight of Zaid''s gaze pins me in ce. His fingers brush lightly against my arm, sending a shiver skittering down my spine. The touch is gentle, almost absent-minded,


    but it leaves a trail of fire in its wake.


    Does he know how much this makes me feel?


    "We should talk aboutst night," Zaid says, his voice like velvet. The heat in my cheeks worsens. I can''t breathe. I have to blink to stop the images fromst night from


    bombarding my brain.


    "No," I reply quickly, shaking my head. "We don''t need to talk about that at all." His eyes drop to my lips, and for a moment, I think he''s going to kiss me. There''s a wild, desperate edge to his expression, like he''s fighting a losing battle with himself. I stop breathing, caught in the tension, my body leaning forward ever so slightly, when the first notes of the piano cut through the air, signaling my mother''s entrance.


    Zaid pulls away, jaw clenching. His eyes lift to mine, like he''s sorry our moment


    was


    Three


    broken.


    The guests stand, and I use the distraction to pull myself together. My mother appears at the end of the aisle, radiant in herce gown. It hugs her frame, each detail perfectly chosen to highlight her beauty.


    Because regardless of our rtionship, my mother is beautiful.


    She walks with grace, her bouquet trembling ever so slightly in her hands, and I feel the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.


    I can''t look at her for long. The memories hit me too hard.


    Old wedding photos of her and my dad, his hand around her waist, her glowing smile so full of hope. Her dress with puffy sleeves and my brother in her arms.


    In every picture, she was smiling like the world was before her.


    She loved my dad with everything in her. They were soulmates.


    My chest tightens painfully, and I swallow back the lump forming in my throat.


    Zaid senses the change in me. While Aiden is too busy watching my mother, Zaid reaches for my hand, his fingers curling around mine in a firm,forting squeeze. The unexpected tenderness undoes me, and I blink rapidly, trying to keep the tears from falling.


    "It''ll be okay," he whispers, his lips brushing against my shoulder in the lightest of


    touches.


    I nce at him, conflicted. The softness in his eyes is so different from the arrogance, the cruelty of before. It''s like he''s peeling back ayer of himself that


    I''m not sure I want to see, yet can''t look away from.


    "It''s weird watching my dad with someone else, too."


    Guilt fills me. It tears me apart. The pain in his eyes wouldn''t be there if it weren''t for


    1. me.


    Instinctively, I wrap my fingers around his and squeeze back.


    Three


    Soon enough, we''re sitting back down and I pull my hand from Zaid''s. The ceremony continues. I try to focus on the officiant''s words, but my emotions are too tangled. My mother almost looks so happy as she stands before Jake. Her face is glowing, but it''s very easy to tell that she doesn''t love him


    I feel like a bitch for the relief it brings me.


    When it''s time for the vows, Jake nces at me as he speaks. His words are heartfelt, his devotion clear, but the weight of his gaze unsettles me. I force myself to look away, fixing my eyes on myp instead.


    Zaid shifts beside me, his presence steady, grounding me even as it sends my heart racing.


    I shouldn''t want this, I shouldn''t want him, but the way he''s looking at me now, his


    thumb brushing over my knuckles, makes it impossible to think clearly.


    Aiden ces his arm behind my back, his fingers caressing my shoulder. He presses a kiss


    on my cheek.


    I sit frozen, caught between Aiden, Zaid, and a man who keeps unraveling everything I


    thought I knew about myself even as he marries my mother.


    What is wrong with me?


    My chest tightens, and I press a hand against it, trying to push the ache away.


    How did I end up here? Torn between three men who each see a unique part of me. Zaid sees my fire, my defiance, the part of me that craves chaos even when I know better.


    Aiden sees my sweet side, my support, the pieces of a girlfriend I didn''t even know I had inside me.


    And Jake? Jake sees something I don''t even understand yet, something dark and wild that scares me as much as it intrigues me. He made me feel again for the first time since my dad''s death.


    I can''t love all three. I shouldn''t love any of them. But my heart refuses to listen, each beat echoing their names like a betrayal.


    What am I supposed to do?

 Chapter 68

    You Can''t Deny It


    The ceremony ends just as the sun dips entirely.


    The only lightes from the bulbs that hang from the branches. I look around.


    It''s like something out of a dream, with fairy lights strung between trees and tables draped in pristine white cloth. The air buzzes with chatter andughter as everyone moves toward the reception area.


    I spot my mom and Jake standing near their table, surrounded by well-wishers.


    My stomach churns, but I force myself to step forward, weaving through the crowd until I''m standing in front of them.


    "Congrattions," I say, my voice soft but steady as I smile at my mother, even as my lips


    tremble.


    Her eyes narrow, a flicker of irritation crossing her face. "At least you stuck around tonight," she says, her tone sharp enough to slice through me.


    I falter, the smile slipping. "I''m sorry-"


    "There''s no point, Alina. Just save the apologies. They don''t mean anything anymore."


    Heat rises to my cheeks, embarrassment and guilt crashing together. I nod tightly, not trusting myself to say anything else.


    No one deserves to be yelled at on their wedding day.


    Instead, I turn to Jake, who''s watching the exchange with an unreadable expression.


    "Congrattions, Jake," I manage, forcing a smile as I step forward to hug him.


    His armse around me, his hand on my naked lower back. I pull away quick, not


    letting his touch linger.


    "Thanks, Alina," he murmurs, his voice almost too intimate. His eyes linger on mine for a beat too long, leaving me flustered. I rub the back of my neck as I look around the ce


    for Aiden.


    You Can''t Deny it


    When I don''t spot him quickly, I retreat to my seat at the family table, where Zaid is already waiting. He looks at me with a raised eyebrow over the rim of his ss.


    I can tell immediately that it''s alcohol by the same and the way he grimaces. Aiden''s presence warms my other side as he sits beside me. He gives me a small, reassuring smile, and I return it, grateful for his reappearance.


    The awkward silence stretches as everyone takes their seats.


    My mother and Jake decided to sit at the family table instead of having a sweetheart table. The silence is awkward and we all look at each other. I''m wondering if anyone else


    can notice how tense we all are.


    It''s Zaid who decides to break the silence. He leans forward, arms on the table, and looks directly at his father. "How long will you two be gone on the honeymoon?"


    Jake shrugs, his expression casual. "We''re heading to Italy, but I''ll only be there for a few days. Diana ns to stay for three months."


    I turn to my mother in disbelief. "You''re staying in Italy for three months even though Jake ising back home?"


    She shrugs, sipping her champagne. "I might as well enjoy the time there. It''s not every day you get to shop and rx in Tuscany."


    I bite the inside of my cheek, fighting the urge to say more. Of course, she''d use her honeymoon as a solo vacation. Should I really be surprised at this point?


    This marriage is a sham.


    The music shifts, a romantic melody filling the air as Jake stands and offers his hand to my mother. Everyone watches as they glide onto the dance floor for their first dance. I


    lean into Aiden, resting my head on his shoulder as we watch them twirl.


    "They look..." Aiden says softly.


    "Please don''t say happy," I reply, though my gaze flicks to Zaid. He''s on his phone, his fingers flying over the screen.


    When he looks up and sees me leaning against Aiden, his scowl deepens, his jaw


    You Can''t Deny It


    tightening.


    Aidenughs, still thinking about my response, and he presses a kiss to my forehead.


    The song ends, and my mom takes the microphone, her smile radiant. "Tonight isn''t just about Jake and me. It''s about family. So I want all of us to dance together, to mark the beginning of our new family."


    A collective cheer rises as everyone''s eyesnd on us. My mom grabs Aiden, and


    I reluctantly follow, my heart pounding as I step into Jake''s arms.


    At least other people are beginning to join the dance floor and it isn''t just us.


    Jake''s hand rests lightly on my waist, his other hand holding mine. "You seem ufortable."


    I stiffen. "I''m not. It''s just... this whole thing is a lot."


    Jake leans closer, his gaze intense. "No, that''s not it."


    I look at him, wide eyed. His fingers caress the skin of my waist, my dress doing nothing to cover it. My skin prickles and the moment his eyes drop to my lips, I try to pull back.


    He keeps me in ce. "Is the fact that you''re dating your step-brother the only thing that bothers you about this wedding?"


    I frown at him, pulling on his hold. "No."


    He tilts his head, eyes watching the curve of my neck. "Is it that I took your


    virginity?"


    I swallow, looking around to make sure no one could hear him. "That''s definitely part of


    it."


    "There''s something more, though, isn''t there?"


    I avoid his gaze.


    "You''re ufortable because you have feelings for me."


    The air leaves my lungs, my pulse racing. I open my mouth to deny it, but the words stick in my throat.


    You Can''t Deny It


    "You can''t deny it, baby." He leans in close so the words are whispered against my cheek.


    I can''t look at him, can''t breathe. The song ends, and I stumble away, right into Aiden''s


    waiting arms.


    "Hey," he says gently, his hands steadying me. "You okay?"


    "Yeah," I whisper, forcing a smile. ¡°Let''s just dance."


    The dance with Aiden is simple, easy, and exactly what I need to catch my breath.


    He holds me close, his warmth calming the storm raging inside me.


    The moment the song ends, my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. It''s Zaid''s turn.

 Chapter 69

    Kiss Me-1


    The moment his hand slides to the small of my back, a shiver runs through me, my breath


    hitching.


    His hands are so warm, and though they are not as rough as Aiden''s calloused fingers, I can tell he''s yed basketball before. It''s odd, the way I can almost picture his hands by


    the feel of them.


    They way I can almost imagine the way they''d feel against my most sensitive parts.


    He pulls me in closer to him, our hips touching my breasts against his chest.


    "You look beautiful," he murmurs.


    I nod, trying to swallow, though my mouth is dry. "You, you said that."


    His eyes lock on mine, dark and hungry, as though he''s seeing every inch of me. "We really should talk aboutst night."


    I shake my head quickly. "I don''t want to."


    His lips twitch, and his eyes drop to my mouth, lingering there like he''s fighting some internal battle. "Why?"


    I look at him as he twirls us, and I frown. "Why do you want to talk about it so much?"


    His eyes drop to my chest. "I''ve been imagining those perfect breasts all day."


    I scoff, and heat crawls up from my toes to my neck.


    He only pulls me in tighter, his erection thick between us.


    "Zaid," I whisper, my spine shivering. "Stop, please."


    He tilts his head, dropping his hand to my lower back. I jolt in his hold; the feeling making me want to roll my eyes to the back of my head.


    "You wanted me to watch you, to see you," He whispers.


    He drops his hand into my dress, cupping the top of my ass. I lean forward and rest my


    Kiss Me 1


    chin on his shoulder, looking to make sure no one is watching us.


    My back is toward the fence and trees. No one is noticing the way his hand is basically massaging my ass. He pulls me harder against his erection, moving my hips so I grind against him. "I didn''t take you for the type to gomando for a wedding."


    I hiss, shaking my head as I pull away just an inch. "It was necessary for the dress."


    "Look at me, love."


    I lift my eyes to his, wanting to cry and kiss him all at once.


    He swallows. "You want me."


    ? shake my head, lips trembling.


    "You do."


    "Zaid. I''m with Aiden."


    He shakes his head with an incredulousugh. "That asshole doesn''t deserve you."


    I search his eyes, grabbing his elbow to force his hand out of my dress. Thankfully, heplies. "Why do you say that?¡±


    His eyes are just as serious as mine. ¡°I think I''m ready to tell you everything you want to know. Everything Aiden has been keeping from you."


    My eyes fly over his shoulder to look at his brother, who is dancing with an older woman. "Really?"


    Zaid grips my chin, redirecting my attention to him. "You want to know, don''t you?"


    I nod, ignoring the sensations he is lighting up inside me. He drops his hand and grabs


    mine, leading me off the dance floor and toward the house.


    "Zaid, we can''t just leave the reception!"


    He looks at me over his shoulder and shrugs. "We''ll be back."


    He tightens his hold on my hand and pulls me into the house. I smile awkwardly at


    the


    Kiss Me-1


    staff working the catering and we''re soon up the stairs and entering his room.


    We''re starting at each other, chests heaving. He reaches behind him and locks the door.


    "Wh-what are you doing?" I whisper, wrapping my arms around my waist.


    He smiles. "You want something from me, and I want something from you. I''m thinking we can make an exchange."

 Chapter 70

    Kiss Me-2


    1 frown, looking around the empty room. I feel like an idiot, because it''s not fear running through me, it''s excitement. "You want something from me?"


    He barely nods, his nostrils ring as he closes the distance between us. His hands are at my hips, his thumbs digging into my bones. I gasp, my hands flying to his chest.


    "Kiss me," he whispers.


    My heart hammers in my chest and his finers caress my skin where the slit of my dress parts. I feel dizzy, and my eyes drop to his lips. Fuck, is it terrible that I


    want to?


    He leans in closer, his nose pressing against mine, and he moans deep in his throat. "Kiss me, baby."


    My skin feels like it''s on fire and something tells me I''ll regret it if I don''t.


    I close the distance between us, on my toes, my hands running through his hair.


    And then, it''s like something hase alive in him. His hands grip me tighter and his tongue delves into my mouth with a possessive strength that has my knees buckling.


    He catches me, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carries me across the room. I drop my hands to his neck, taking control as I kiss him like I''ve never


    kissed anyone


    before.


    The world falls away. It''s not a kiss; it''s a storm. His lips are demanding, and I give him everything he takes.


    I can''t breathe. I don''t want to.


    My hands clutch at his shirt, pulling him closer as though the small space between


    us is unbearable. His hands squeeze my ass once before he drops me onto his bed.


    I squeal, the only sound I can make before he''s above me, and pressing his lips to mine


    again.


    God, he kisses so good. Better than good. It''s perfect. Too perfect. Like we were made for


    this. Like we were made for each other.


    3:14pm


    Kiss Me-2


    The thought makes my heart stutter. I know my heart quickens whenever I look at him, whenever his gaze lingers on me for just a beat too long. But I never imagined he could kiss like this.


    Every brush of his lips, every slide of his tongue sends a wave of heat coursing through


    1. me.


    It doesn''t feel like this with Aiden.


    And, fuck, it''s never felt like this with Jake.


    Maybe that''s why I kiss him back so fiercely.


    His teeth graze my bottom lip, and I gasp, my head tilting back slightly. His hand is


    on my waist, slowly finding its way beneath my dress and between my legs.


    That''s way more than a kiss.


    "Zaid," I hiss.


    He deepens the kiss, and it''s like I can feel him everywhere.


    His finger slides between my lips, and he grunts into my mouth, smiling. "You''re wet, my


    love."


    I should pull away. I should say something, do something. But all I can think is how right this feels. He presses a finger to my clit and my hips jolt into his touch.


    "Zaid."


    He slides a finger inside me, and it has meing back to reality. I pull back and


    he does the same, both of us trying to catch our breath. He rests his forehead on mine.


    "Fuck, love."


    "Yeah," I get out.


    He rolls his head on mine,ughing quietly.


    I pull on his shirt and whisper, "Can you please take your finger out of me?"


    nnnn


    3:14 pm n


    Kiss Me-2


    "No." He curls it instead.


    I gasp. "Zaid."


    He chuckles, taking his hand away before sitting back and giving me space.

 Chapter 71

    Just the Three of Us


    I walk through the house with all of my senses dulled. I can''t hear, think, or feel anything.


    My breath ising out in harsh pants, and I step back outside to the backyard. Theughter and clinking of sses feels distant, like it''s happening behind a veil. Everything is muffled under the weight of what I''ve just learned.


    Aiden. Zaid. That night. The secrets.


    Zaid is a few steps behind me. I can hear his steps. I let out of sigh of relief. I didn''t know he made me feel this way. He always wound me up so tight. This feeling is new and


    wee.


    I can''t shake the image of him in my mind, broken and desperate.


    I want to cry because I have never met anyone who could understand me like he does. He was in the car ident that killed his mother, and he still carries the scars associated


    with that. He still carries the guilt.


    Like me.


    He protected Aiden at the cost of his own future. At the cost of his reputation. At the cost


    of himself.


    My heart aches as I nce back at him briefly. Zaid looks calm, almost unreadable, but his


    eyes meet mine, dark and holding me together in a way that feels like it''s pulling


    me


    apart at the same time.


    Is it possible that I feel so much more for him than I''ve let myself believe?


    I move forward on autopilot, my heels clicking against the floor. The crowd of guests swirls around me, faces blurring. And then I see Jakeughing, charming as ever, leaning slightly toward my mother as they speak with a group of people.


    The air rushes from my lungs. Does he know? My step falters, and my chest tightens as my thoughts spin out of control.


    Has Jake known this whole time that Aiden was the one behind the wheel?


    Just the Three of Us


    Did he help cover it up?


    "Breathe, love," Zaid murmurs, his voice low and right behind me.


    His hand finds the small of my back, warm and grounding. My body leans into his touch without permission, desperate for something steady. I give myself a few seconds and slow my breathing until it''s somewhat controlled.


    I inhale shakily, and he steps closer, his voice brushing against my ear. "You can confront Aidenter. The night''s almost over."


    I nod, though my mind feels far from settled. His hand lingers a second longer before falling away, leaving me colder than I was a moment ago.


    Before I can think of what to say, Aiden walks up to us, weaving through the crowd toward me, his face twisted in mild annoyance.


    "Where''ve you been?" he asks, his eyes flicking to Zaid briefly before settling on


    me.


    I force a smile that feels tight and unnatural. "I went to freshen up after the dancing."


    Aiden''s eyes soften, and he leans down to kiss my forehead. My stomach twists, and I have to focus hard not to pull away. His touch feels different now, like the warmth I used to find in it has turned hollow.


    He''s not the fun, carefree person I thought he was. How can I feel content with him?


    "Let''s sit down," he says, his hand slipping to mine as he leads me back to our table. Zaid follows a few steps behind, silent as always but somehow louder than the noise of the


    party.


    The rest of the reception passes in a haze. People stand to give their toasts, their words blending into a background hum I can barely focus on. Aiden''s hand rests on my thigh under the table, a touch that once would''veforted me but now feels like a weight I


    can''t shake off.


    I want to ask him so many things and tell him that I know. Tell him that it''s not okay,


    that I don''t know how to feel.


    I nce at Zaid across the table, catching the way his jaw tightens as he stares at


    his


    3:14 pm II II In


    Just the Three of Us


    untouched ss of champagne. Our eyes meet for the briefest of seconds before


    I look away, my pulse quickening.


    Finally, Jake and my mother announce their goodbyes, ready to leave for their hotel before flying out to Europe in the morning. I stand with the others to see them off, my chest tightening as my mother hugs me briefly, her perfume cloying and familiar.


    "Behave yourself," she says with a pointed look, and I nod automatically, my voice caught in my throat.


    Jake pulls me into a hug next, his arms warm and firm. "We''ll talk when I get back."


    His eyes linger on mine, his hand on my waist for a moment too long. I step back, managing a tight smile, but my mind is racing.


    Fuck, I just need to sit alone for a good hour or two and shuffle through my brain, through my thoughts.


    But then they''re gone, leaving the house suddenly too quiet despite the faint


    sounds of thest guests trickling away outside.


    It''s just the three of us now. Me, Aiden, and Zaid.


    As I follow them back into the house, my stomach churns with a mess of emotions


    I can''t untangle. The weight of the truth I''ve learned, the ache in my chest for


    Zaid, the confusion over Aiden''s touch, it all swirls inside me.


    The front door clicks shut, and the silence that follows feels deafening.


    Aiden looks at me when I still. He frowns, eyeing Zaid for a second before asking, "What''s


    wrong?"


    Zaid sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I told her, she knows."


    Aiden''s eyes widen and before I can stop it, heunches at him, fist in the air and punches him across the jaw.

 Chapter 72

    Same Soul


    1 scream.


    Zaid grunts and the sound of the punch echoes through the room. I watch in horror as Zaid stumbles back with his hand clutching his nose.


    "Aiden!" I yell, turning to him.


    He shakes his hand, face twisting in pain. Still, he looks at Zaid with rage in his pretty


    eyes.


    Zaid straightens, and the world spins around me the moment his intentions register on his face. He drops his hand, blood dripping from his nose. He tightens his fingers into fists, his jaw tight.


    "Don''t!" I step between them, my hands up, palms against Zaid''s chest.


    My heart is pounding, a wild rhythm in my chest. Aiden is breathing heavy behind me, but I can''t see the expression on his face.


    I keep my eyes on Zaid. "Please, don''t."


    Zaid''s gaze meets mine, and something shifts in his expression. His fists unclench slowly, and he exhales sharply through his nose, his posture rxing, but only just.


    I turn to Aiden, my chest heaving as I shake my head. "What the fuck was that?¡±


    He shakes his head, his shoulders rising and falling, and then his eyes shift to me, desperate, wild. "Alina, I''m sorry. I-he''s lying. You know he''s lying, right?"


    The sound of his voice cracking makes me flinch, but I don''t respond. I can''t.


    I don''t think Zaid is lying.


    "He''s trying to ruin everything," Aiden grunts, stepping toward me, his hand still cradling the one he used to punch Zaid.


    I take a step away from him, and it makes him pause, hurt shing across his face.


    "My future. It depends on you keeping this secret. Please, juste talk to me. We can fix


    Same Soul


    this." He''s begging at this point, tears in his eyes and lips trembling.


    His words hang in the air, suffocating me. The weight of them presses against my chest. His future. Not mine. Not Zaid''s. Not anyone else''s. Just his.


    I shake my head, my voice barely above a whisper. "Not tonight, Aiden. Tomorrow. We''ll


    talk tomorrow."


    I need time to clear my head, to let the adrenaline wear off.


    To think about what the fuck I am doing and get my shit together.


    Aiden''s face falls, his eyes ssy with something I can''t name. Is it fear? Guilt?


    Rage? He nces at Zaid, his expression hardening.


    "This isn''t over," he mutters, before turning and walking away.


    I stand frozen, trying to steady my breathing. The silence feels like it''s alive, pushing down on me, thick and suffocating. Finally, I find the strength to move, my legs shaky as I


    head to the kitchen.


    Zaid doesn''t follow, but I know he''s still standing there.


    I dig through the cupboards and grab a rag, filling it with ice, my hands trembling as I make my way back. He''s leaning against the wall, his posture tense, but he doesn''t look at


    1. me.


    His eyes are glued to the floor, watching as the blood drips from his face and falls to the


    ground.


    He stays like that until I stop in front of him.


    "Come on," I say, my voice soft now.


    He hesitates, but then he follows me to the living room. I gesture for him to sit, and he


    does, his movements stiff. I kneel in front of him and between his legs, gently wiping the blood from his nose. He watches me, his gaze steady.


    He looks regretful, like he might apologize, but I have to look away. There''s a depth to his eyes and to his pain that I''ve never seen in anyone else.


    Same Soul


    It chills me to my very core to see the capabilities of his emotions and his ability to


    express them through such dark and beautiful eyes.


    A twinge of pain pulls at my chest.


    I wipe most of the blood and look at the bridge of his nose.


    "I don''t think it''s broken," I say quietly, pressing the ice against it.


    He hisses, his hand shooting up to take the ice from me.


    "I got it," he mutters, lowering it for a moment to look at me.


    His eyes drop to my lips, and my breath catches. He leans in, his movements slow, deliberate, giving me time to stop him. But I don''t. Not until his lips are inches from mine.


    ¡°I''m still Aiden''s girlfriend," I whisper, my voice shaky, unsure, quick.


    He frowns, his eyes searching mine. "It didn''t bother you before."


    I shake my head, pulling back slightly. "That was different. Heat of the moment. And I wanted answers."


    He stares at me silently and my cheeks burn from theme excuses that rush out of my lips.


    "It can''t happen again." Even that doesn''t sound believable to me.


    Zaid''s frown deepens, his jaw tightening. "You''re staying with him."


    It''s not a question, it''s more of a realization and it feels like a knife twisting in my chest.


    I can''t exactly break up with Aiden and then date his brother. That would be the worst possible thing. I could do. And Aiden is one of the few things keeping Jake at a distance.


    Aiden is what I know. What I find content in. He makes me forget about the darkness and the nightmares.


    I can be normal with him.


    Zaid is too much like me.


    We share too much of the same soul.


    The pain that crosses Zaid''s face is a hundred times worse than the pain I saw on Aiden''s


    face.


    "Did you tell me the truth because you wanted me to break up with him?" I ask, my voice


    barely above a whisper.


    His expression hardens, and he stands abruptly, running a hand through his hair. "You can


    do whatever you want, Alina."


    He doesn''t look back as he leaves, and I''m left sitting on the couch, my head in


    my hands, my chest aching with the weight of it all.


    Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 73

    Fix It


    I stare out of the window into the backyard, the mess fromst night mostly gone.


    The pan sizzles and I snap out of my thoughts.


    "Shit," I whisper to myself, grimacing as I salvage the eggs before they burn.


    My mind has been a chaotic mess. Even my dreams seemed too realst night.


    I dreamed of a car and a crash. Of Zaid in handcuffs and Aiden just watching.


    I slide a piece of bread into the toaster, my mind racing with questions I don''t know if I


    want the answers to.


    The soft creak of the stairs makes my heart jolt. I don''t have to turn around to know it''s


    Aiden. His footsteps are slower than usual, hesitant, almost apologetic.


    "Morning," he says, his voice quiet and heavy with sleep.


    "Morning," I reply, my tone neutral, my focus fixed on the egg as it bubbles in the pan.


    I feel him behind me before he touches me, his arms wrapping around my waist, pulling


    me into his chest. His warmth is familiar, and for a moment, I let myself lean into it,


    closing my eyes.


    "Do you hate me now?" he asks softly, his voice trembling just enough to make me flinch.


    I shake my head, opening my eyes and focusing on the stovetop.


    "I don''t know," I admit.


    He tenses behind me and retreats just a bit.


    "I''m confused. Angry. But I want to hear your side."


    He exhales a shaky breath, his arms loosening slightly. "Okay. Yeah, okay. Let''s talk."


    I slide the egg onto a te, grabbing my toast from the toaster before following him to the living room.


    Fix it


    Aiden sits on the couch, his eyes wary. His pupils follow me, his lips in a frown, his hands shaking beside his thighs.


    I sit in front of him and bnce the te on my knees.


    Suddenly I''m not so hungry. I just look down at the te, angry that I cooked for nothing.


    I bite my lip and nce at the stairs, wondering if Zaid is awake. The thought of him sends a pang through my chest, but I push it aside.


    My eyes slide to Aiden.


    What do I even want from this conversation? Closure? rity? Forgiveness?


    His dark hair is tousled, and the way he looks at me makes me feel like he is depending on me to give him assurances.


    My mind shes to the first time we met in the school office. How he''d grinned at me, made meugh when I didn''t think I''d everugh again. How he made me forget my pain, my scars, if only for a little while.


    The guy that sits in front of me seems to be someonepletely different. The type of guy that would let his brother take the fall for something he did and then treat him like


    shit.


    How can he be the same person?


    I take a deep breath, forcing myself to meet his gaze. "Is it true?"


    Aiden flinches, his jaw tightening. "What exactly did he tell you?¡±


    I lick my lips and stop my hands from trembling. "That it was you driving the car.


    That you let Zaid take the me and he went to juvie to protect you."


    His face pales, his eyes darting to the floor. "It wasn''t supposed to happen like that."


    "So it is true." My chest spasms.


    He nods.


    Tears fill my eyes. "How could you do that?"


    3:15 Bm


    Fix It


    He shakes his head and runs his hands through his fingers. "Alina, I was scared. I panicked. I didn''t know what to do."


    "So you let Zaid take the fall?" I demand.


    He grimaces.


    "You let him go to juvie while you walked away free?"


    "It wasn''t like that!" he protests, leaning forward, his hands sped together.


    There''s so much happening in his eyes. Fear, hatred, anger, devastation andplete, burning guilt.


    "Zaid insisted. He told me he''d take the me. He said I had too much to lose."


    I stare at him, my chest tightening. "And you just let him? You didn''t fight it?"


    "Of course I did!"


    I blink the tears from my eyes until they fall down my cheeks.


    "But he told me it was the right thing to do," he finally says, his voice barely above


    a whisper. ¡°He said he didn''t care, that he didn''t have a future, anyway."


    I set my te on the coffee table, my appetite entirely gone. "He does have a future."


    He flinches again, his hands curling into fists. "I made a mistake, okay? I was young and stupid. I''m not proud of it, Alina. But I can''t change the past."


    I lean back, crossing my arms. "But you treat him like shit. You act like he really did do it. But it was you."


    Aiden''s face crumples, and for a moment, I think he''s going to cry.


    "You treat him like he''s the one who ruined your life when it''s the other way around."


    "We were fine at the beginning, when he came back from juvie," he whispers, running his hand up and down his arm. "We still talked, and we were close and-"


    "And then what?"


    3:15 pm 11 # #n


    Fix It


    "It just became harder. The guilt I felt every time I looked at him was suffocating."


    I shake my head in disbelief. That''s a ridiculous excuse.


    "I don''t know how to fix it," he admits, his voice breaking. "I''ve messed everything


    up, and now you''re looking at me like I''m a monster."


    I close my eyes, his words cutting deeper than I''d like to admit. ¡°I don''t know how to feel


    right now."


    He reaches for my hand, his touch hesitant. "Please, Alina. Just don''t give up on


    me. I''ll do whatever it takes to make this right."


    I twist my fingers with his, swallowing. "Does Jak -your dad know?"


    He shakes his head.


    Relief floods me and I ignore the guilt floods through me. I pull my hand away,


    standing up. "Fix things with Zaid."


    Aiden watches me, his expression a mix of heartbreak and desperation.


    "I mean it."


    He hesitantly nods.

 Chapter 74

    Not Ready to Forgive


    My stomach turns, still empty since I never ate the te of eggs I left in the living


    room.


    I sit on the edge of my bed, staring at my wrist, my fingers tracing the thin, raised line of the scar. It''s usually the only thing that grounds me when panic takes over, when the weight of old memories threatens to break me.


    It''s not doing much to help me right now.


    The room feels too quiet, too still, as my mind takes me back to that day.


    The day everything changed.


    1 see the inside of the car, hear the hum of the engine, feel the warm sun


    streaming through the windows. Alex is in the passenger seat, flipping through the stations on the


    radio.


    I''m in the backseat, leaning forward, reaching to poke his ear because he refuses to put on my station pick.


    He swats at my hand, and I giggle.


    I give him a peaceful thirty seconds before I lick my finger and try again.,


    ¡°Alina, quit it!¡± he says, but his voice is yful, and I giggle, doing it again.


    He spins as much as he can in his seat and swats at me with both hands, pping my shoulders until I''mughing so hard my stomach hurts. Dad nces at us, grinning. "You are both the most annoying kids.¡±


    The memory shifts and slows, the edges blurring.


    The car enters the intersection.


    A sh of red streaks across my vision.


    The impact is sudden and violent, the sound of crunching metal drowning out my scream. The car jerks sideways, and we''re spinning, flipping, tumbling into chaos. I smell the sharp tang of chemicals, the bite of burning rubber. ss shatters, cutting into my skin


    Not Ready to Forgive


    like needles.


    When the car finally stops moving, everything is silent. Too silent.


    Dad saying nothing, Alex doesn''t even scream. I watch their still bodies as I taste blood in my mouth.


    I squeeze my eyes shut, my breath hitching. I run my hands through my hair, tugging at the roots, trying to pull myself out of the memory. But it lingers, the weight of guilt pressing against my chest.


    It''s my fault.


    I distracted him. I was the reason he wasn''t looking.


    And I survived.


    The thought twists inside me, sharp and cruel. Why me? Why did I get to walk away when Alex didn''t? When Dad didn''t?


    I cry silently, wiping at my face with the hem of my shirt. My shoulders shake, and my breathes in uneven gasps.


    The guilt is suffocating, and the moments like this when I feel like I cannot keep it at bay, all I want to do is stop breathing.


    And now, knowing what Aiden did, t''s like the ground beneath me has been ripped away.


    I think that''s why it was so easy for me to keep Zaid at a distance. He was so careless; he hurt someone with a car. It was something I thought was unforgiveable.


    Now, to know that it was Aiden has me feeling guilty all over again.


    I pull my knees to my chest, trying to steady myself, when I hear a loud crash from downstairs.


    My heart skips, and I''m on my feet in an instant, running out of my room and down the stairs.


    In the living room, I stop short. A shatteredmp lies in pieces on the floor, and Zaid and Aiden are standing across from each other, breathing heavily, their faces red with anger.


    3:16 pm


    Not Ready to Forgive


    Neither of them even nce in my direction, too focused on each other.


    Zaid shakes his head at Aiden, his voice low. "I don''t regret it."


    Aiden blinks like he''s in shock. "What?"


    Zaid bites his lower lip before he continues. "I''d do it again if I had to. You''re my brother, Aiden. I love you."


    Aiden''s shoulders sag, his face crumpling as tears spill down his cheeks. My own chest sours in pain. It''s heartbreaking to see the relief in Aiden''s face, like he believed with all of himself that his brother hated him.


    It''s even more painful for me to see Zaid express his love so confidently. It''s beautiful.


    "I''m sorry," Aiden says, his voice breaking. "I''m so sorry."


    Zaid doesn''t soften. "Don''t be sorry. Be better."


    Aiden looks to the grounds, nodding.


    Zaid''s fists clenched at his sides. "Don''t waste the chance I gave you. Take the damn schrship. Go to fucking school. Do something with your life."


    Aiden nods quickly, his hands trembling. "I''m sorry Zaid."


    Zaid frowns, and I take a step back. I can feel the anger radiating off of him and I,


    for one, don''t want to be near him when he breaks.


    But he reels it in, breathing in slowly before exhaling. "You seem to be confused, Aiden."


    Aiden swallows.


    "I''m not mad because I took the me. I''m mad that you hated me for it, and then that I


    lost my brother in the process."


    Aiden looks like a fish out of water, his mouth parting and closing as if he cannot find the words to say.


    Zaid exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, his expression hardening. "I''m not ready to forgive you. And I''m not ready to be friends. I don''t know if I ever will be."


    Not Ready to Forgive


    The words hang heavy in the air, and for a moment, neither of them moves. My heart breaks in two.


    I lost my brother, and I would do anything to see him again. The fact that they have each other right here but can''t reconcile makes me want to scream at them.


    Then Zaid turns, his eyes locking on mine. He freezes, his jaw tightening, his fists clenching even tighter like he didn''t know I was there.


    I don''t say anything, and neither does he. He just walks past me, heading for the stairs.


    I stay rooted in ce, the tension in the room suffocating. Aiden copses onto


    the couch, burying his face in his hands.


    I slowly make my way toward him and sit beside him, running my hands down his


    back.

 Chapter 75

    Lunch


    The house feels a little too quiet. I cleaned my room, straightened everything in the kitchen and still, neither of the guys hase out of their room.


    It makes it hard to breathe, the kind of silence that suffocates.


    I stand in the kitchen, staring at the chicken sandwiches I''ve just finished making.


    I set them on tes and ce them on the dining table, grabbing some cups and water as well.


    It''s a simple meal, nothing fancy, but it''s something. I''m trying to bridge the gap, to fix


    what I feel like I''ve broken.


    I write two small notes, folding them carefully. On Zaid''s, I write, Join me for


    lunch? On Aiden''s, I keep it the same but add a little heart at the end. It feels silly, but I slip the notes under their doors, hoping it''s enough to draw them out.


    I feel like I''m back in middle school, blushing as I hand a note to my crush.


    Back in the dining room, I finish setting everything up, arranging the tes and sses


    on the table.


    Once I sit down, I cross my arms on my chest and a sour pain explodes in my chest. My


    stomach churns and the anticipation is getting to me.


    I don''t know if this will work; I don''t know if they will even get out of their rooms, but I


    have to try.


    I hear a door open, and my heart skips and it''s Aiden who steps off the stairs and walks


    1. in.


    "Hey," he says softly, smiling at me.


    "Hey." I try not to let my disappointment show, but it''s there, a little pang in my chest. I was hoping for Zaid. My heart had been hoping for Zaid.


    I don''t know how that realization makes me feel.


    Aiden walks over, his expression gentle. He cups my face with both hands, his touch warm and familiar, and presses a soft, tentative kiss to my lips.


    Lunch


    "Thanks for lunch," he murmurs, his thumbs brushing my cheeks.


    I lean into him, grateful for thefort of his embrace. For the moment, I let myself sink into the safety he offers, even as a part of me wishes for someone else.


    We sit at the table, and Aiden looks at the third te, frowning for a second before he looks at me. "Did you make some for Zaid, too?"


    I nod.


    He presses his lips together, and his frown deepens. I ignore the panic that rises inside me from his expression.


    We sit there, waiting a few more minutes.


    The clock ticks loudly in the silence, and finally, I sigh. "We should eat."


    Aiden nods. As we eat, he clears, his throat, breaking the quiet.


    "Thanks for pushing me to talk to him," he says, his voice low but sincere.


    I chew my food slowly, watching him silently.


    "It was hard, but I needed that. I needed to say it. We both needed that."


    I look at him, surprised. "Really?" The tense silence all day had me thinking he regretted


    1. it.


    He nods. "Yeah. I''ve been carrying so much anger. At him, at myself. But it wasn''t anger.


    It was just pain."


    I blink at him, my heart warming.


    He lifts his eyes to me, the corners of his lips lifting into a soft smile. ¡°I''ve missed him,


    and I hadn''t realized how much."


    Before I can respond, the sound of footsteps on the stairs makes my heart leap. I turn toward the doorway.


    My breath catches as I take him in. The messy dark hair, ck sweatpants hanging low on his hips, a white t-shirt clinging to the lean, defined muscles of his arms. He looks


    Lunch


    disheveled and moody, like he''s just rolled out of bed, but his eyes are intense, dark, like they''re devouring me.


    I smile at him, unable to help myself.


    He doesn''t smile back. His gaze stays locked on mine, unchanging, unwavering.


    He doesn''t even nce at Aiden as he walks over and takes a seat.


    The silence stretches, heavy. I clear my throat, forcing my smile to stay.


    Aiden looks between the two of us, the wheels in his head turning.


    Zaid looks down at his sandwich and the muscle in his jaw ticks as he picks it up to take a


    bite.


    "So," I say, "we need to start nning for Christmas. It''s only four days away."


    Both brothers freeze, their sandwiches pausing mid-air.


    Aiden is the first to speak, his tone cautious. "Dad will be home by then. We could


    make reservations at a restaurant or something."


    I frown, tilting my head. "On Christmas Day?"


    He shrugs, avoiding my gaze. Zaid finally speaks, his voice low and rough. "None


    of us can really cook."


    I blink, staring at them. "I''ll do it. I can cook."


    They both tense again, their eyes snapping toward me. Aiden drops his sandwich


    to his te, and he swallows the bite he''d just taken.


    Zaid''s expression darkens, his jaw tightening.


    "What?" I ask, looking between them. "What''s wrong?"


    Zaid whispers, his voice barely audible, "We haven''t celebrated Christmas since


    mom


    passed."


    The words hit me like a punch to the chest, stealing my breath. Last year had been the second Christmas I didn''t celebrate. Alex and dad had died just a few months before and


    Lunch


    neither mother not I could manage to get out of bed.


    I understand the feeling.


    I look at Aiden, whose face is a mixture of guilt and sadness, then back at Zaid,


    whose eyes are fixed on his te.


    "Oh," I whisper, the weight of their grief sinking into me.


    The silence returns, heavier than before, and I don''t know how to fill it.


    But I want to try.


    Aiden gets up and clears his throat. "I-I have to be somewhere."


    He turns and leaves the house; the door mming behind him. He didn''t grab his


    keys or his wallet, so something tells me he just had to get out of here.


    I want to cry.


    My eyesnd on myp when I turn back around. And I only manage to stop myself from


    trembling when Zaid stands and kneels beside my chair. His hand squeezes my thigh and I


    look at him..


    He frowns when he sees the tears in my eyes. "I can get a tree."


    My breath catches. "What?"


    "A Christmas tree."


    I bite my lips as they tremble more. "You-you don''t have to do that. I shouldn''t


    have


    overstepped."


    He nces up at me and shakes his head softly. "I think if anyone can get us to


    celebrate Christmas again, it''s you."


    I gasp, suddenly wanting to kiss him. But he doesn''t give me the chance. He


    stands and sits back down. We eat in silence, and Aiden doesn''t return.

 Chapter 76

    I''ll Try


    I pull on a warm sweater, running my fingers through the fabric of the sleeves.


    1 nce in the mirror, noting my flushed cheeks. I haven''t been alone with Aiden since the wedding and I''m beginning to wonder if this is a good idea.


    I run my fingers through my hair, making sure to not destroy the curls as much. As I do, I still. Zaid is pulling at me, drawing me in like a ma with a strength much fiercer than that I realized was possible.


    If I keep heading in this direction, I know I''m going to fall for him.


    Part of me wants to, but I think I''m selfish. I think I don''t want to let go of Aiden. I''ve lost so much that finding them makes me feel like I can keep going, like I can get better.


    Like I can live.


    My stomach twists as I head downstairs. The house is quiet because Aiden hasn''te home since that botched up lunch and as soon as step outside; I see Zaid leaning against


    his car.


    Butterflies fly inside me.


    The crisp air bites my cheek with a breeze, but it''s not exactly cold.


    Zaid looks beautiful, his ck jacket unzipped and hands shoved into his pockets. His eyes lift to mine and just like that, it''s like the world around us disappears.


    He smiles.


    It''s soft and part of me thinks it''s pity from how lunch went. Still, I take it in. When he doesn''t look angry, he looks like almost ethereal.


    I bite my lip and look away to stop myself from ogling. His dark messy hair has me wondering what he looks like in the morning, which just makes me think about how he is


    in bed.


    I groan internally.


    I''m Try


    "You ready?" he asks.


    I nod, wrapping my arms around myself. He opens the passenger door and his gaze remains fixed on me. The terrible thing is that I can feel it. It burns me; it brings me to


    life. It excites me.


    I slide in and when he sits in the driver''s seat; I feel the tension. Like a string ready to


    snap.


    The car is silent except for the soft hum of the engine. I can feel his eyes on me every few seconds as he drives. I''m involuntarily trembling, his smell reminding me of that kiss, of


    his touches.


    I can still imagine his voice, the deep moan in his throat as he asked me to kiss him. And,


    fuck, he kisses like a god.


    But then, I think of his finger inside me. Of the wetness he inspired between my legs. My skin breaks out into goosebumps and my cheeks flush. I can feel their heat.


    He clears his throat. "What are you thinking about?"


    I can hear the amusement in his voice and I''m immediately embarrassed. "Oh, nothing."


    I turn to him, hoping to shoot him a disarming smile. But his eyes drop to my breasts,


    where my chest is heaving.


    "That doesn''t look like nothing," he mutters.


    I swallow the thick saliva in my mouth and I cross my legs, anything to ease the ache between them. His hand drops from the wheel and he squeezes my thigh. "Alina."


    Fuck, his touch burns. I look down at his hand. His long, thick fingers digging into my thigh. The veins in his hand are like tattoos across his skin, and I wonder how he would feel wrapped around my throat.


    His hand tightens and then skims up further on my thigh. I''m squirming. "Zaid." "Tell me what you were thinking about."


    I exhale. "You."


    1 Try


    His nostrils re. "Yes."


    "Kissing me."


    His grip on the steering wheel tightens, and I want him to pull the car over. I want


    him to unbuckle my belt and ce me on hisp, and devour me from the inside


    out.


    But he just calmly takes his hand off of my thigh and returns it to the wheel.


    "You''re still Aiden''s girlfriend."


    The heat dissipates as ice cold washes over me. "Yes."


    He swallows.


    "Do you really think you''ll never be friends with Aiden again?" The change in topic


    is


    drastic, but I need it to douse the mes that flicker inside me. I need the reminder that I


    technically belong to someone else.


    His hands tighten on the wheel, and his jaw clenches. For a moment, I think he won''t


    answer.


    "Why do you care so much?" he finally says.


    The words sting, and I press my lips together, trying to keep my emotions in check.


    "It''s like you don''t know me at all," I whisper, my voice trembling.


    I can see the way his shoulders drop, like he feels my pain.


    "You''re the only person I''ve ever really talked to about Alex."


    His grip on the steering wheel loosens, and he exhales, a knowing, pain-filled frown


    spreading across his face.


    "Alina..."


    I cut him off. "If Alex were alive, I''d do anything to make sure we were okay. Anything,


    Zaid."


    He sighs, a sound that feels heavy with regret. "I''m sorry, but I can say the same


    thing


    Fit Try


    about you and your mom."


    I nce at him, his profile sharp in the dim light of the car. "That''s different."


    "How?" He lifts an eyebrow, sparing me a nce.


    "She''s a bitch."


    He snorts, a smirk curling his lips. "Aiden''s an asshole."


    Iugh at that. We let the silence take over again and when I look at him a few


    minutester, my heart goes out to him.


    He looks tired, conflicted. I wish I could reach over and smooth the crease between his


    brows.


    When we finally pull into the lot where rows of trees stand waiting, Zaid cuts the engine and looks at me.


    "I''ll try," he says.


    I meet his gaze, my chest tightening at the sincerity in his eyes. I can''t help but


    smile. "Thank you."

 Chapter 77

    She''s Mine


    The pine needles stick to my palms, and I hiss, dropping one hand.


    Zaid yells, "Alina! Tell me when you let go."


    He grunts as he takes more of the tree. We fight against the door frame and I cannot help theughter that bubbles inside of me.


    Trying to maneuver the tree through the door and into the living room is almostical. The branches snag on the doorway, and Zaid grumbles under his breath, his lips twitching into a grin.


    "I thought you were stronger, you know, with being so tall and everything," I tease. "Careful, Alina," he says, yfully. "You want to carry this tree all by yourself?"


    "No!" Iugh, shaking my head as we finally get the tree upright in the stand. It''s a Jittle crooked, but it works. We step back to admire it, our shoulders brushing, and I''m suddenly very aware of how close we are.


    I don''t pull away.


    I lean into him.


    The tension from earlier has dissipated, and as much as I am avoiding the topic of kissing him, I enjoy Zaid''spany.


    He sighs, leaning into me as well, before cing a kiss on my forehead. "Thank you for bringing Christmas back to me."


    The words cause a swell of emotion to pull at my throat. "I''m going to change. It''s too warm for this," I say quickly, tugging at the hem of my sweater.


    Zaid nods. "I''ll grab the ornaments."


    I dart upstairs to my room, peeling off my sweater and jeans in favor of a pair of shorts and a loose T-shirt. The fabric feels light against my skin, and I sigh in relief as I run a brush through my hair.


    She''s Mine


    This is the most unttering outfit. The shorts are loose on me and so is the shirt, so nothing hugs my curves.


    Perfect.


    When Ie back downstairs, Zaid is kneeling by the open box of ornaments, pulling out gands and tangled string lights. His gaze lifts when he hears me, and his hands still.


    His eyes darken, and they travel from the tips of my toes to my eyes. There''s anger in the set of his features and it makes me ufortably insecure.


    I freeze. "What?"


    His jaw tightens, and he shakes his head, muttering, "You''re killing me, love." Heat rushes to my cheeks.


    "Sorry," I stammer, tugging at the hem of my shirt, but his eyes linger on my legs for a beat longer before he looks away, busying himself with untangling the lights.


    I ignore the burn in my stomach and slowly kneel down beside him.


    We start decorating, and the tension melts away as weugh over Zaid''s terrible attempts


    to drape the gands evenly.


    "That''s terrible, Zaid," Iugh as I correct the gand he had just ced.


    He grimaces as he watches me and scratches the back of his neck. "It makes sense why


    mom never let me help."


    I snort, but when I turn around I catch him looking down at the gand in his hands, his throat bobbing with thick emotion.


    I ce my hand on his arm and squeeze. His eyes go to me and they drop to my lips, nostrils ring. He''s stiff, tense, and I can tell he wants thefort of my lips, of my touch. I have to pull away before we''re on top of each other.


    I reach for an ornament and stretch on my tiptoes, trying to hang it higher on the tree.


    "Careful," Zaid warns.


    She''s Mine


    Before I know it, I lose my bnce. His hands catch me, one warm and firm on my waist where my shirt has ridden up.


    His breath brushes against my ear, and I shudder. He steadies me, his hand still on my waist as he ces his other hand on mine and helps me hang the ornament.


    When I turn to thank him, Ie face to face with the same look in his eyes. It''s dark, intense, filled with a hunger that makes my pulse race.


    I can''t stop myself from leaning closer, the pull between us too strong to ignore. His eyes flicker to my lips, and mine drop to his. He''s so warm and so close.


    The front door ms. I tense and pull away, but not fast enough.


    "What the fuck is this?" Aiden''s voice cuts through the air.


    I jerk back, my heart racing, and Zaid''s hand drops from my waist as we both turn


    to face him. Aiden''s expression is a storm of anger, his fists clenched at his sides.


    "Are you serious right now?" His eyes bounce between us.


    "Aiden, it''s not "


    "Don''t," he growls, his attention snapping at Zaid. "What the hell is wrong with you? She''s my girlfriend!"


    Zaid''s jaw tightens, but he doesn''t say anything.


    "Aiden, it''s not all Zaid''s fault," I say quickly, guilt twisting in my chest.


    Aiden turns to me, and the anger in his eyes melts away to understanding. Shock


    parts his lips and he looks between the both of us a few times.


    Then he settles on me. "Do you have feelings for him?"


    My throat goes dry, and I can''t bring myself to answer. I can''t say no. That would


    be a lie. And if I say yes? What would that mean? What would that do?


    His face crumples, and pain crumples his brow. "She''s mine."


    He directs the words to Zaid, but they punch me in the gut.


    3:18 pm


    She''s Mine


    "For once, just let something be mine, Zaid. It''s always about you,"


    I blink. An incredulous feeling runs through me. It''s almost like he doesn''t care


    about me. As if he wouldn''t have minded if I had kissed anyone else.


    But because it''s Zaid, it bothers him.


    Zaid steps forward. "Aiden-"


    "Don''t," Aiden spits, his voice breaking. "Just don''t."


    He looks at me onest time before turning and walking up the stairs and into his


    room, mming the door behind him.


    I stand frozen, my chest tight.


    Zaid''s gaze shifts to me, regret etched into his features.


    "I''m sorry," he says softly before following Aiden, leaving me alone in the room,


    the unfinished tree standing behind me.

 Chapter 78

    Love Me, Too


    I turn on my heels to look at the tree.


    Half of it is decorated, and the rest of the ornaments lie in the box. I stare until my eyes burn. It would be beautiful. It would be whimsical, but all I see is the mess I''ve created.


    Aiden''s furious face shes in my mind. Fuck, what was I doing? I''m not a cheater, I can''t be. That''s terrible. No one deserves that kind of betrayal. I should have ended things with him the moment I felt something for Zaid.


    But even that thought doesn''t sit right in my chest. Being with Zaid and not Aiden feels


    wrong.


    I shake my head, pressing a hand to my chest as a wave of emotion drowns me.


    Does that mean I have to leave them both?


    Painnces through me.


    I would have to move out. Find a job, get an apartment.


    Tears prick the back of my eyes.


    Zaid''s dark, piercing eyese to mind then, and my knees give out. I sink to the floor, the weight of everything crashing down on me.


    Tears blur my vision, and before I know it, I''m sobbing uncontrobly. It alles at once. The guilt, the confusion, the heartbreak.


    My chest feels tight, like I can''t breathe.


    I think of Aiden''s hurt, Zaid''s intensity, and my own traitorous feelings. I think of Jake, his warmth and steadiness, and how I''ve tangled myself in this impossible knot.


    How can I live without them?


    And at the same time, how can I live with them?


    I cry into my hands, letting my love for the three of them express out of me in long sobs.


    Love Me, Too


    And then there''s the ache of Alex''s absence, and the hollow void where my dad should be


    this Christmas.


    It''s all too much.


    I shouldn''t be putting up a tree without them. I shouldn''t be smiling andughing and moving on. I don''t deserve to live, not without them.


    I press my fists against my eyes, trying to stifle the sobs, but they rip through me, anyway. My breathing bes shallow and erratic, and I hear the sound of the front door


    opening.


    Panic jolts through me. Who could it be?


    I scramble to pull myself together, wiping my face hastily and curling into myself, but my trembling hands give me away.


    I look at the entrance, hoping whoever walks in will miss the girl in a ball on the floor. But it''s Jakes who walks in and my heart wants to break all over again.


    It wants to crack in two so he can piece me back together in his arms.


    His eyes fall on the tree first. The way his brows furrow and his lips part in silent awe makes my heart squeeze. But then his gaze shifts, and he sees me.


    His suitcase hits the floor with a thud as he rushes to me.


    "Alina," he says, his voice soft but urgent.


    All I can manage is a sob.


    He kneels beside me, his hands cupping my tear-streaked face. "What''s wrong, baby?


    What happened?"


    I shake my head, unable to form words. The tears just keeping.


    Jake pulls me into his arms without hesitation, holding me tightly as I wrap my


    arms around his neck and let my face fall into his chest.


    His hand strokes my hair, his touch soothing, grounding me.


    3.15 pm


    Love Me, Too


    "Hey, it''s okay," he whispers, his lips brushing against the top of my head. "I''m here. It''s okay, baby."


    I don''t know how long we stay like that, but eventually, Jake shifts. He grabs my legs and wraps them around his waist. He stands as if I weigh nothing and I keep my face buried in


    his neck.


    He carries me upstairs to his room.


    When we reach his bed, he sits down, settling me on hisp and wrapping his arms around me. His warmth surrounds me, his steady heartbeat lulling me into aforting


    quiet.


    He cups my cheeks and tilts my face to look at him. His fingers brush away my tears. "Are you okay?"


    I nod, pressing my lips together.


    "Do you want to talk about it?"


    My breath catches in my throat. Do I want to talk to him about how I''m in love with


    him


    and his two sons? No.


    I shake my head.


    He frowns. "Do you want me to make you some tea?"


    I smile at that. "That would be perfect."


    He kisses me softly, a chaste press to my lips, and he settles me on his bed before heading


    downstairs.


    I sit there, letting myself catch my breath and kind of feel a little embarrassed at


    my meltdown. Maybe it''s not all as terrible as it feels. Maybe there''s still a light at the end of


    this deep, dark tunnel.


    Jakeses back with a steaming cup of tea and sets it on the bedside table. "Let it cool a


    little."


    I nod, bringing my knees up so I can wrap my arms around them. "You came back


    home


    early."


    Love Me, Too


    He sits on the side of the bed and shrugs as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "I


    wanted to see you."


    My brows crease and I want to cry all over again. My chest sours and I shake my head. "Why?"


    His eyes search mine and he scoots closer, his arm wrapping around my waist and drawing me into him until our chests are touching and our foreheads are pressed together. "You know why, baby."


    I shake my head. "No."


    He kisses my cheek, and then the corner of my lip before he kisses me deeply. His tongue enters my mouth in slow andnguid movements and before I know it, he''s on top of me and settling himself between my legs.


    The memories from before crash into me and I push on his chest. "Jake. I-I can''t."


    He lifts his head, those eyes of his telling me how much it pains him to stop.


    "I''m your son''s girlfriend."


    He frowns at that and his jaw twitches. "Does it make me an asshole to say that I


    don''t


    care?"


    I scoff. "I-I''m not breaking up with him for you."


    He shakes his head. "I''m not asking you to."


    "What?" I frown, my chest heaving as I try to pull away, but he keeps me pinned


    beneath the weight of his body.


    "I''m just asking you to love me, too."


    My eyes widen, and a gasp escapes me.

 Chapter 79

    Even If It''s Just Pieces of You


    I push at his chest and he relents, pulling away and letting me sit with my back tot he headboard.


    He''s watching me carefully, as if trying to gauge my reaction to his words, to his suggestion. With my hand shaking, I reach for the mug of tea he had brought and sit cross-legged.


    The tea warms my hands, and the room is quiet, except for the asional sound of him shifting on the bed.


    I take a sip, slow and careful. It burns my tongue a little, but then it soothes my throat, the sweetness of the honey making me close my eyes infort.


    My nerves shoot in my stomach and I force myself to look him in the eyes. me what you meant, Jake?"


    He flinches like he''s terrified of the idea.


    I reach for his hand and squeeze. "Please."


    "Can you tell


    He presses his lips together and looks away, jaw tightening as if he''s trying to gather his thoughts. The furrow in his brow makes me want to reach out and smooth it away, like I did with Zaid.


    I want none of them to feel so troubled, none of them to struggle with me.


    In the quiet, I take him in. The faint stubble on his jaw shadows his face just enough to make him look rugged. The lines at the corners of his eyes, put there by years ofughter and smiles, make me happy that so far he has had a life well-lived despite its hardships.


    He''s so heartbreakingly handsome, and it makes me understand just why Aiden and Zaid can capture me the way they do.


    Finally, he breaks the silence. "I''ve been thinking about it, Alina."


    I swallow hard. "Thinking about what, exactly?"


    He shifts his gaze back to me, his brown eyes warm. "You."


    Even If It''s Just Pieces of You


    I take a sip to busy my trembling hands, though I''m sure he notices the way my entire body shivers and warms. "Me?"


    He nods, eyes dropping to my lips. "You. Me. What I want."


    The air thickens between us, my breath hitching. "What-what do you want?"


    "I want you, Alina," he says, each word deliberate, like they''re fragile enough to break.


    I have to swallow the tea in my mouth before I make myself spit it out from the delicious wave of warmth that passes through me at hearing those words.


    "Can you honestly tell me that you don''t want me?"


    My eyes drop to the covers because it''s so much moreplicated than that. It''s so much more than yes or no.


    "Baby?"


    Exasperated, I look at him. "No, but it''s so much more than that."


    "It doesn''t have to be."


    I shake my head.


    "If you want to be with Aiden, then I won''t stand in your way. I won''t try to tear you two apart.¡± He pauses, his eyes darkening.


    "I don''t understand," I frown.


    "As long as I get some of you. As long as I get to love you, even if it''s just pieces


    of


    then you can do whatever you want."


    you,


    His words crash into me, stealing the air from my lungs. My mind shes to Aiden''s face


    earlier tonight. The anger, the betrayal when he saw Zaid and me. A fresh wave of guilt rises, and I grip my mug tighter. "That''s impossible."


    Jake''s gaze sharpens. "Why?"


    "Aiden wouldn''t, he wouldn''t be open to that," I say, the thought of Aiden''s reaction


    making my chest tighten.


    Even 11 tt''s Just Pieces of You


    His eyes widen just a bit, and he scoots in closer. "But you would be?"


    I realize the whole I''ve buried myself in, but honestly? Getting to be with them


    both would solve all my issues. "Maybe, but it would depend on how it works out."


    Jake shrugs, his voice quiet but firm. "Well, we could do it anyway. Try it."


    My eyes widen. "What? No. I can''t lie to him. I can''t sneak around."


    He nods, like he feels guilty for even suggesting it.


    "That''s cheating, Jake."


    His eyes lift to mine. "Like we aren''t guilty of that already."


    I ignore the pang in my chest. Technically, he''s right, but it doesn''t feel like that in


    my


    heart.


    Jake''s gaze drops to my lips, and the heat there makes my skin prickle. I ce my mug on the bedside table and move to stand, needing distance, needing rity.


    But his hand grips my thigh, holding me in ce. "Please. Stay."


    "Jake..." I start, but he cuts me off, his words tumbling out.


    "I just want to sleep. I just want you near. I''ve missed you, Alina. So much."


    The vulnerability in his voice tugs at something deep inside me, and I hesitate. My heart aches, torn between the lines I shouldn''t cross and the man who''s always felt like home.


    The hurt and fear of rejection in his eyes reminds me of when heforted me when we


    first met. How our chemistry was undeniable even then. I reach for him and ce my hand on his cheek and nod. "Okay, but we''re just sleeping."


    His eye twitches like he was hoping I wouldn''t agree to that, but he nods. I sit back and finish my tea as he takes a shower and gets ready for bed.


    A half an hourter, we''re tucked into bed, facing each other with his arm around


    my waist. I''m chewing on the inside of my cheek, and Jake smirks. "Just say what


    you want to


    say."


    Even If It''s Just Pieces of You


    I breathe in to gather my courage. "How does my mother fit into all of this?"


    He frowns and blinks a few times. "She doesn''t."


    I lift an eyebrow. "She''s your wife.¡±


    "On paper only. I have no feelings for her. I think she only married me for my money and half of me thinks she will never evene back as long as I keep sending it to her."


    I wince. "That''s terrible."


    He shrugs. "I have enough of it, and I would give it all up to have you."


    I blush profusely and p his chest. "You really only married her to get me under


    your


    roof?"


    He smiles at me, kissing my forehead. "Is that terrible?"


    I snicker. "Yeah."


    I tuck myself under his chin and let the sound of his heartbeat lull me to sleep.

 Chapter 80

    The Equation


    I wake up with a heavy weight still in my chest, but it''s apanied with the warmth of Jake beside me.


    His hand is syed on my stomach and his lips pepper light kisses down my neck. Such a soft and gentle way to wake uppared to the storm brewing inside me.


    He''s afort I never knew I needed.


    I can''t imagine not having this, not having him to turn to. The way he makes me feel safe, understood, and, if I''m honest, wanted. But it''s more than that. I can''t stop reying the way he looked at mest night, the quiet plea in his voice when he asked me to stay.


    How happy, although conflicted, it made me feel to hear those words from him.


    I sit up carefully, and he stops kissing me, his fingers holding onto me like I would disappear. "Where are you going?"


    I chuckle through my nostrils and run my hand through his hair. "I have to go, Jake. I


    can''t be in here."


    He thinks about it for a second before reluctantly letting me go.


    "Thank you forst night," I whisper.


    "Are you going to think about what I said?"


    I look down at the sheets. "I won''t be with you in secret, behind his back."


    Jake looks away from me for a second. "Then we''ll tell him."


    My heart jolts in my chest. "No. Not now."


    He turns to me, eye dark and serious. "But we will? Eventually?"


    "I have to think about it."


    He frowns at me, as if for the first time, thinking that I might not want him. Of course I


    know that''s not true.


    The Equation


    I can''t imagine not kissing Jake, not holding him, not wanting him. But his


    suggestion that we be together in secret is out of the question.


    How could I do that to Aiden? I can''t. I won''t. But can I break up with him? I can''t imagine him wanting to share me.


    My heart clenches at the thought. And then there''s Zaid.


    Zaid, with the way he kissed me, like he was pouring every ounce of emotion into me, igniting something in me that I didn''t even know was there. The way he made me feel alive had me questioning everything about what I was doing with Aiden and what I really


    wanted.


    I make my way to my room and change really quickly. I head to the bathroom where I get


    ready for the day and numbly walk to the living room.


    My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Aiden''s voice. "Alina?"


    I startle, looking toward the hallway. Aiden is standing there with his hands shoved into his pockets. "Do you want to grab some coffee? I think we need to talk."


    My heart stumbles in my chest. I nod, brushing my hair back nervously as I follow him


    out.


    The coffee shop is small and cozy. Aiden orders for us and we find a quiet loveseat tucked


    into the corner.


    I sip mytte; the warmth doing little to settle the chill of nerves running through


    me. Aiden''s hands rest on his knees, fidgeting slightly. He looks at me, his amber eyes


    searching mine.


    "I talked to Zaid," he says finally.


    I know that, but still, the wordsnd like a stone in my chest. My heart hammers, the muffled voices around us fading into static. I lean forward instinctively, hanging on his


    every word despite the overwhelming urge to run.


    Aiden''s hand drops to my knee, squeezing it affectionately. He exhales deeply, his jaw tightening before he continues. "We agreed to try to be better brothers."


    The Equation


    Relief washes over me, and I smile, cupping his face with one hand. My thumb brushes his cheek, the familiar gesture grounding me. "That''s great."


    But Aiden doesn''t return the smile. He looks conflicted, his lips parting slightly as if


    to speak, then closing again.


    His apprehension has my anxiety skyrocketing. "What''s wrong?"


    He clears his throat. "Do you like Zaid?"


    My breath catches, my stomach twisting. This is it. The moment to be honest. I can''t lie


    to him.


    It would be a betrayal for both of them, and I couldn''t do that.


    I nod, barely, but it''s enough.


    Aiden flinches, his hand retreating from my knee as his expression tightens with hurt. He leans back, putting space between us, but I quickly set my coffee down and reach for him,


    cupping his face again.


    "Don''t pull away," I whisper.


    He exhales shakily, his hands trembling as theye to rest on mine. He


    swallows, his voice thick. "Zaid told me he has feelings for you."


    My heart swells, emotions rushing through me in a flood I can''t contain. A smile


    breaks across my face, wide and uncontroble.


    He has feelings for me?


    Aiden notices. He sees the joy, the warmth I can''t hide, and he shifts ufortably. "Do


    you want to be with him?"


    I nod again, my heart racing as the truth spills from me.


    Aiden''s jaw tightens, his breathing shallow. I can tell he wants to pull away, but I


    don''t let him. I keep him in ce with my hands on his cheeks.


    "I want to be with you, too, Aiden."


    The Equation


    His eyes study me, and he frowns slightly. "What?"


    I chew on my lip, not sure how to have this conversation. "I like you, too. I want to


    be


    with you, too."


    "What does that mean?" he asks, his voice quieter now, almost broken.


    I close my eyes for a moment, feeling the weight of his question. But I don''t have the words to exin. Not yet.


    I shrug and pull away to take a sip of my coffee. "I don''t think I know exactly, yet."


    His eyes wander the expanse of my chest. "You want to be with the both of us?"


    He sounds like he doesn''t believe me, and what am I supposed to do when I tell him I want to add his father to that equation?

 Chapter 81

    Just Mine


    I nod, confirming that I do want to be with the both of them.


    Aiden swallows thickly, and he grabs his coffee, walking out of the shop. I blink and watch him for a minute before I am up and after him.


    "Aiden."


    He looks over his shoulder at me, but says nothing, continuing to his car. Exasperated, I


    follow.


    The car ride is silent. His grip on the steering wheel is tight and his jaw clenched.


    1 nce at him every chance I get, trying not to make it super obvious that I''m trying to read his expression to get some kind of understanding of what he is feeling.


    Still, the silence stretches.


    When we pull into the driveway and head inside, he doesn''t stop in the living room or the


    kitchen.


    When I freeze, not knowing what to do, he grabs my hand and pulls me with him straight


    down the hall.


    When I realize he is walking to Zaid''s room, my heart nearly beats out of my chest. My steps falter and my nerves fray. "Aiden, stop!"


    His hold on me tightens.


    "What are you doing?" I hiss.


    He doesn''t answer, pushing open Zaid''s door without knocking.


    gray


    Zaid is on his bed, leaning against the headboard in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. A book rests open in his hands, his head snapping up at our entrance. His dark eyes narrow at Aiden before flickering to me, his expression unreadable.


    "What''s going on?" he asks, suspicious of Aiden''s hold on me and I am so sure he can see me trembling.


    Just Mine


    I''m frozen in the doorway, my gaze drawn to the scars that line the left side of his torso. They''re jagged, pale against his skin. I had forgotten what they looked like, but they bring back the memories of when he showed them to me after he saved me from a panic attack.


    My chest tightens.


    "Get up,¡± Aiden says, his voice firm as he pushes me further into the room, closing the door behind him.


    Zaid quirks a brow and closes his book, setting it aside. "What''s going on?"


    Aiden lets out a breath, his hands gripping my shoulders as he looks at Zaid. "Kiss her."


    My eyes widen, and I whip my head around to gape at him. "What?"


    Zaid''s jaw tightens, his gaze darting between us. He looks like a wounded animal, wary


    and uncertain. "Aiden."


    Aiden''s hands drop from my shoulders, his expression hardening as he steps


    closer to Zaid. "I need to see if I can handle it."


    Zaid''s brows knit in confusion. "Handle what?"


    Aiden sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Alina has feelings for you."


    Zaid stiffens, his eyes locking onto mine. I can''t breathe, the words hanging in the air like a bomb about to go off. I''d wanted to be the one to tell him, not like this.


    Before I can say anything, Aiden keeps going. "But she has feelings for me, too. So if this is going to work, I need to know I can deal with it."


    Zaid recoils. He blinks at Aiden, then at me, then back at Aiden. "If what is going to work,


    Aiden?"


    His voice cracks slightly and I wrap my hand around my throat, finding it increasingly


    hard to breathe.


    Aiden doesn''t respond, just nudges me toward Zaid again. My feet feel like they''re stuck to the floor, but we end up so close, I can feel Zaid''s breath on my forehead.


    "If what is going to work, Aiden?" He repeats the words.


    Just Mine


    Aiden''s nostrils re, and he looks at Zaid with a hardened expression. "She likes us both.


    Wants to be with us both."


    Zaid seems to think over his words, and my cheeks turn so hot I think I might faint. He looks down at me, his eyes questioning everything his brother is saying.


    For a moment, I think he''s going to push me away, disgusted by the idea.


    But Zaid reaches out, his hands gentle as they find my face. His fingers are warm, his


    touch tentative, like he''s afraid I''ll break.


    He looks over my shoulder at Aiden, his expression dark, before his gaze drops back to me. His thumb brushes my cheek, and his lips curve into a sad, almost resigned smile.


    And then he kisses me.


    It''s exactly like what I expected. It''s everything. His lips move against mine with a


    desperate kind of intensity, like he''s been waiting for this moment as long as I have.


    Or more.


    The world falls away. There''s no Aiden, no Jake, no confusion, no scars. Just Zaid,


    grounding me and lifting me all at once.


    By the time we pull apart, my chest is heaving, my head spinning. Zaid''s hands


    are still


    on my face, his forehead resting against mine as he exhales shakily.


    He presses another soft kiss to my lips, and I lean into him, wanting more.


    Aiden clears his throat, breaking the spell. Zaid straightens, his hands falling away as he


    looks at his brother.


    "Well?" Zaid asks, almost challenging.


    Aiden''s jaw tightens, his eyes flicking between us. "I can handle it," he says, though the


    words sound like they cost him.


    I look between the two of them. "What does this mean?"


    Zaid opens his mouth to answer, but Aiden is grabbing my hand and pulling me away before he gets a chance to say anything. I look over my shoulder at Zaid, watching as he


    Just Mine


    frowns and looks at us walk away.


    Aiden walks quickly to his room. He''s locking the door as soon as we step inside.


    "What are you-"


    The words are taken from me as he presses his lips to mine. His fingers dig into my hips. I moan into him, adrenaline rushing through me.


    I''m quickly on my back on his bed and his hands fumble with the button and zipper of my pants. He shoves them down harshly, and the only reprieve 1 get from his lips on mine is when he lifts to shove my pants down my legs.


    Quickly, he settles his hips between my thighs, and he grips the back of my knee.


    "Aiden," I gasp.


    He shoves into me in a single thrust.


    My back arches and I scream from the stinging pain. He gives me a second to adjust, and then he moves in a rhythmic pull and push. I meet his thrusts with my hips until the pleasure starts to consume me.


    "Aiden," I moan, panting.


    He thrusts hard, teeth clenching, and my entire body lights up from how much that turns me on. He''s fucking me like he''s desperate to im me as his.


    He bites down on my neck as hees, loud and chaotic. I don''t even orgasm,


    but my pussy flutters around him.


    With his face buried in my neck, he speaks, "I just wanted to fuck you onest


    time, where it''s just us, where you''re just mine."

 Chapter 82

    I Don''t Feel Jealous


    I hiss as he slips out of me, sore from how quick and hard he fucked me.


    He stays between my legs, above me, and with his fingers tucking my hair behind my ears. My chest heaves and I frown at his words.


    "Aiden," I say softly, searching his eyes.


    He hums, brushing his thumb over my hip. My skin breaks out in goosebumps, my


    insides craving for an orgasm.


    "Are you really okay with this?"


    He raises an eyebrow like he''s thinking about it, but his hand wanders down my leg to my knee. With ease, he lifts my leg around his waist and finds my clit with a soft shove of his


    fingers.


    I gasp, back arching as I grip his shoulders.


    "Am I okay with what?"


    My body melts as he draws pleasure from me, rubbing hard but intentional circles. "With me? And Zaid?" The wordse out of me in pants, my stomach building up in tension.


    He slips his fingers inside me, his thumb continuing to pay close attention to my clit. "I don''t feel jealous, if that''s what you mean."


    I look into his soft amber eyes, trying to pull together my next thought as my legs tremble. "No? Because...fuck... because you just have to say the word and I won''t. God,


    fuck, don''t stop."


    He chuckles, pressing a kiss to my neck as he curls his fingers. He''s hardening again, and I can feel him against my thigh. My toes curl just as I find his lips with mine and suck his tongue into my mouth.


    He quickens his pace, and my hips move to seek the friction of his palm. It''s building in my chest, that sweet, delicious pain. My entire body vibrates with it, and then I pull from his lips to moan.


    I Don''t Feel Jealous


    My body breaks into goosebumps and I hold on to him tight, feeling warm pleasure rush through me. Aiden kisses my cheeks, then my neck, giving me time toe down from my high.


    I drop my head to his chest and can''t help the chuckle that escapes my lips. "We still have to finish our conversation, Aiden."


    He huffs, pulling from me and rolling away to lie on his back, a hand behind his head. I roll over, too, cing my hands on his chest and setting my chin on them.


    "Are you okay?" I sigh. "Thest thing I want is to make you ufortable."


    He looks at me, running his fingers down my hair. "I don''t feel jealous, or possessive,


    really."


    I frown at that, remembering how he just pulled me out of Zaid''s room.


    it Aiden''s brows knit together, and he swallows hard. It''s... weird. Watching him kiss you, just-"He pauses, watching me carefully. "It made me want you more. It turned me on.''


    I blink at him, and a heat burns me from my face to my toes. "What?"


    He chuckles, deep. "It made me want you more. It turned me on."


    The repetition makes my breath hitch. His words are unfiltered, and I can tell he''s not entirelyfortable saying them aloud. But they''re honest, and that''s what matters most.


    It''s kind of exciting, though.


    My stomach flutters.


    I breathe out, gripping his shoulders. "If at any moment you feel weird about this, you''ll tell me, right? We''ll talk about it."


    His lips twitch into a faint smile, and he nods. "Yeah, I''ll tell you."


    A few minutester, the warmth of Aiden''s lips on mine is intoxicating as we stumble down the stairs, his hands firmly on my waist, guiding me. I can''t stop smiling against his mouth, letting out a softugh when he mutters something about me being a distraction.


    We pause on thest step, and I press into him, cing my hands on his chest.


    I Don''t Feel Jealous


    I pull him into a kiss. He pulls away, cing his forehead on mine. "Stop kissing me."


    I smile against his lips.


    His hand slips into mine as we walk toward the living room, the moment''s


    quietness giving me space to think. I know I need to talk to Zaid, figure out how he feels about all this.


    Does he even want me like this? Or is he going to be the jealous one?


    As we step into the living room, I stop short. Jake is standing there, his frame silhouetted by the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. I can''t read his expression, his gaze fixed on the ornaments like they hold some kind of answer. Aiden stiffens beside me, his hand dropping from mine. "When did you get here?" Jake turns slowly, his dark eyes meeting mine for a lingering moment before flicking to Aiden. There''s something in his gaze so intense that I breathe in just to stop myself from shaking. My stomach flips as I take him in, as I remember the way he held me andforted me.


    "Last night," Jake replies to Aiden, his voice draws me from my thoughts.


    He looks back at the tree, the corner of his mouth quivering up in something that isn''t quite a smile. "So...you all decided without me that you''re ready to celebrate Christmas again?"


    He looks at Aiden, who shrugs. "Alina wanted to."


    Jake''s eyes watch me, taking me in.


    "Zaid and I thought we could do that for her, for us."


    Jake quirks an eyebrow. "Well, we have a lot of preparing to do, then."


    "Will Diana be joining us?" Aiden asks as he pulls me to sit with him on the couch, settling me onto hisp.


    I try to avoid Jake''s gaze as I getfortable.


    "No, she''ll be staying in Italy for a while."


    I Don''t Feel Jealous


    Aiden squeezes my thigh, nodding, though he looks like he doesn''t like that


    answer.


    My eyes dart to the tree and my heart aches for us, for what this tree represents


    to us all. It''s not just about the holiday; it''s about everything we''ve lost and everything we''re trying to rebuild.


    I shoot a look at the hallway, suddenly missing Zaid.

 Chapter 83

    Tell Me or I Stop-1


    My skin, my entire body, breaks into goosebumps. Anticipation runs through me, but Zaid doesn''t move. He doesn''t say or do anything else.


    I exhale, almost panting, almost begging for more of his touch.


    The edge of the dresser presses into the backs of my thighs as I steady myself, chastising my mouth for not opening and answering him. I must look like an idiot.


    His dark eyes lock onto mine just as his fingers pull down the zipper of my pants. My breath catches and I can feel the tension in my stomach coiling tighter.


    I''m on fire at this point.


    "Alina," he mutters. "Tell me."


    I groan. "Why?"


    He lifts an eyebrow and takes his hands away from me. My body almost shrivels up from


    the loss of contact.


    "Do you have any idea how many reasons there were for why we didn''t get along before?" I say, my voice uneven, trying to steady myself with words when my body feels like it''s spiraling out of control.


    He narrows his eyes and shrugs. "No, that''s why I''m asking."


    His hands move to the hem of my shirt.


    Before I can think to stop him, he pulls it over my head and tosses it aside, leaving me sitting there in my bra and unzipped pants. His gaze roams over me and I swear I forget how to breathe.


    I struggle to find my voice, my words stumbling over the heat pooling low in my belly. "You were arrogant."


    A slow smile spreads on his lips. "Were?"


    I lick my lips, noting the way his eyes turn dark as he looks over me. "The way you spoke


    Tell Me or 1 Stop-1


    to me when we first met, I didn''t like it."


    He lifts his eyes from where he''s observing my cleavage and tilts his head. "You didn''t?"


    I shake my head.


    He settles his elbows on the dresser and lowers his head. I frown, my eyes widening as he presses a soft kiss just above my belly button. My body jolts, a shudder running through me as I gasp.


    "Is that it?" he asks, his voice rough and his lips brushing against my skin with every syble.


    I close my eyes for a moment, willing myself to stay coherent. I curl my fingers around the edge of the dresser to stop myself from grabbing him.


    "No," I whimper, feeling his lips across my skin.


    "What else, love?"


    "It got worse when you tried to read that article about me. The one-" My voice falters as his lips trail lower. "The one that made me have a panic attack."


    He chuckles softly against my skin; the sound vibrating through me. "If I remember


    correctly, I also helped you through it."


    My lips tremble and I hate how smug he sounds, but nothing matters as he pulls down the


    waistband of my jeans to brush his lips over the curve of my hip.


    I snap out of my haze long enough to push at his forehead, making him look up at


    me.


    "You were mean," I whisper, though my voicecks the bite I want it to have.


    Zaid''s eyes soften for a moment, but they harden just as quickly. He stands and grips my jeans and swiftly lifts me, simultaneously sliding my jeans down the bump of my ass and legs.


    My hands grip his shoulders and I only loosen my hold when he settles me back down on the dresser.


    He inhales deeply, eyes travelling down from my corbone to my toes.


    Tell Me or 1 Stop-1


    "I wasn''t mean," he says, tilting his head slightly. "You needed -still need to-face your


    past."


    I swallow, not sure how to answer that, not sure if I will be able to stop another panic attack if I think about that day too much. His eyes trail up from my legs and theytch onto mine.


    They turn into liquid, softening in such a beautiful way that I can''t help the shuddering. He steps closer, watching me even as he reaches behind me to unclip my bra. He does it swiftly with one hand and lets it go.

 Chapter 84

    Tell Me or I Stop-2


    I move my arms, letting the straps slide down before dropping my bra to the side. He covers his mouth for a second as he takes in my breasts and my nipples harden beneath his gaze.


    "Zaid," I say breathlessly, not caring how desperate I sound.


    He stiffens and reaches for my legs, lifting my knees and spreading them until I am open to him. The only thing between us is my flimsy,cey thong. His chest heaves as his breath quickens.


    His hands run down my thighs and I hold my breath, taking in the feeling of his touch. I never want to forget this, never want to forget how much my body lights up for him, how much more I want of him.


    The moment he reaches my thong, I breathe again. My stomach coils tighter and I moan when he slips a finger inside me. He steps between my legs, pressing into my thighs as she thrusts his finger in and out of me.


    "What else, love?"


    I throw my head back, closing my eyes. "Zaid."


    He thrusts a second finger inside me. "Tell me."


    My chest heaves as I focus on the pleasure he wrings from me. "You-you left me at the


    diner."


    He lowers his lips to my neck, peppering kisses behind my ear as my legs begin to tremble. "You had just told me you had feelings for my brother."


    His breath brings my skin to life and I want to feel it between my legs. He pumps his fingers and I turn my face toward him, looking for his lips. He evades me and pulls back, but his fingers keep their pace, his thumb finding my clit.


    "Zaid," I moan.


    "Keep going, Alina, or I stop," He whispers, drawing his fingers from me.


    Tell Me or 1 Stop 2


    My pussy clenches and I watch him with hot cheeks as he leans on his elbows again and lowers his head between my legs. My heart lurches into my throat, my stomach twisting with delicious anticipation.


    His hands grip my waist and his tongueps at me, thrusting into me and devouring every single part of me. I struggle to breathe, whimpering as my leg trembling worsens.


    Zaid stops, pulling back just slightly enough to look up at me. "Love?"


    I blow out a breath and tangle my fingers in his hair, pulling him back to my pussy.


    were angry."


    He hums into me as he presses his tongue to my clit.


    "You


    "You kissed me," I moan, moving my hips to ride his face. "When I didn''t want you to."


    He chuckles, his shoulders shaking. God, it only heightens his touch and I moan, my head hitting the wall behind me.


    "Then I found out you were Aiden''s brother," I squeal as he sucks my clit between his teeth. He teasingly nibbles on it before letting it go to circle it with his tongue.


    The tension in my stomach coils so tight I think I''m going to faint. My orgasm is so close, I can feel it. My breath quickens and I close my legs around his head.


    I loosen my body to let it take over, but Zaid stops.


    He pulls away and stands, smiling down at me before pressing a kiss to my lips.


    "Zaid?" My cheeks feel so hot, the orgasm that was so close suddenly cold and far.


    "I have to get ready," he whispers, a cruel smile on his face.


    I smack his chest. "You''re an asshole."


    He catches my hand and kisses my wrist. "Didn''t think I''d make it so easy for you,


    did


    you?"


    I watch him in disbelief, chest heaving. His smile only widens, and he kisses my jaw before heading into his closet to change.

 Chapter 85

    Not Complicated


    My clit it literally pulsing against the fabric of my thong.


    "Asshole," I mumble to myself as I walk down the hallway, no orgasm, no relief.


    "He teased you, didn''t he?"


    I stop mid-step, looking up to find Aiden leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face and his eyebrows lifted like this is a joke.


    I don''t know how to answer that. Is talking about sexual experiences with different


    partners a normal thing? I shrug instead.


    ''Aiden presses his lips together and makes his way toward me, cupping my cheeks in his


    hands. "It''s all over your face. You''re frustrated."


    My heart is hammering in my chest, my insides aching for relief. But I shake my head. "No, I''m fine."


    Yeah, right. I''m not fine. I''m hot, furious. I hate how much Zaid gets under my skin. He''s


    punishing me, even though I don''t think I did anything wrong.


    I had to talk to Aiden first. He''s been my boyfriend.


    Well, okay, maybe deciding on a rtionship with his brother before even talking to him wasn''t my smartest move. Especially because it was Aiden who told him and not me.


    I sigh as I walk away to the living room and flop on the couch. Aiden chuckles as he follows me and he leans over, kissing me softly. "I have to get to practice."


    I frown. "Practice? While on break?"


    He nods, running his hand through his hair. "If the team wants to stay on top of this, we


    have to stay in shape."


    "Fine," I kiss him softly before watching him walk away.


    Now it''s just me and this empty house. I don''t move from the couch and I try scrolling on


    my phone, but my mind keeps circling back to Zaid.


    24 pm


    Not Complicated


    The way he smirked, then left the room like it didn''t bother him to leave me hot


    and wanting. To leave my pussy drenched and not satisfied.


    I groan as my insides curl at the reminder of his tongue.


    The front door opens and I look over the edge of the couch, drawing myself out of


    my thoughts. Jake walks in and a whole new set of butterflies erupts in my stomach.


    I sit up straighter as he walks in, his arms full of grocery bags.


    His gazends on me, and those dark eyes of his turn molten. Fuck, Zaid looks so much like him.


    I clear my throat as I stand. "Need help?"


    His jaw clenches as he looks me over and gives me one stiff nod.


    I follow him into the kitchen, taking a few bags to unpack. The silence between us


    is so tense that I kind of just want to grab him and kiss him to break it.


    "You get everything you needed?" I ask, pulling out a carton of eggs.


    "I think so, though I didn''t buy anything for dessert. I was thinking I''d leave that up


    you."


    I smile faintly, a prick of pain making my heart rate quicken. "Yeah, Alex and I were always in charge of the dessert."


    Jake pauses, leaning against the counter. His face softens, his usual darkness giving way to something quieter. "You were?"


    The question catches me off guard, not sure if I''m ready for that kind of vulnerability. I nod slowly. "My dad wasn''t much of a cook, but he liked to make the turkey every Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was always disgustingly dry."


    Iugh to myself, noticing the way he smiles, too. Still, the nice memory isn''t enough to drive away all the pain. My smile drops and I rub my hands down my arms to stop the wave that crashes through me.


    I can''t breathe.


    Not Complicated


    I feel like I''m drowning.


    I swallow, pushing through it. "He said that it was tradition. Even if mother had to


    have a separate dish ready for us."


    A frown twitches over Jake''s eyes and his lips press into a thin line.


    I nce at him, noting the faraway look in his eyes. "Christmas is hard for you?"


    He thinks about it for a moment. "Maybe before, but not anymore. I just hold back for the boys."


    My eyes widen, my fingers digging into my skin. ¡°I miss them both. The holidays are hard.


    Jake steps closer, his hand brushing my shoulder. "You''re not alone."


    I nod.


    In the next second, Jake''s arms are around me, pulling me into a hug. I rest my head against his chest, letting the steady beat of his heart calm me.


    I breathe him in, letting it soothe me.


    His hand moves gently along my back, and when I tilt my head up to look at him, the moment shifts.


    Our eyes meet, and the space between us disappears. His lips brush against mine, tentative at first, but then firmer. It''s soft and slow. It''s not sexual, it''sforting.


    He pulls back and rests his forehead on mine. "Have you thought about what we talked about? About telling Aiden?"


    My stomach twists into knots. Guilt crashes over me, sharp and suffocating. He doesn''t know about Zaid. He doesn''t know how messy this could all get. "I... I don''t know," I whisper.


    Jake''s hands drop to his sides, his expression tightening. "I don''t want to stay


    away from


    you."


    Not Complicated


    I grab onto his shirt and pull him closer, pressing my nose against his. "I don''t want you to stay away, Jake. But this isplicated."


    He shakes his head, his hands holding on to my waist. "It doesn''t have to be."


    1 scoff, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Dating a father and his son? That soundsplicated


    to me."


    He licks my lips, deepening our kiss for a second before asking. "Do you want to be with


    Aiden?"


    I nod.


    "Do you want to be with me?"


    I nod.


    "That doesn''t soundplicated to me." He kisses me, bringing us impossibly closer. My stomach coils tight and that unsatiated hunger between my legs ignites into a whole new


    fire.


    Would he still think it uplicated when he finds out Zaid is involved in all of


    this,


    too?


    Jake takes his time to kiss me down the column of my neck and I lift myself on my toes to


    arch my back, begging for more of him.


    Then, the front door opens.


    Jake steps back quickly, grabbing a bag of potatoes like it''s the most natural thing


    in the world. I take a shaky breath, trying topose myself as Zaid walks into


    the kitchen.


    He looks at us and blinks. "Everything okay?"


    "Yeah," Jake says smoothly.


    All I can do is nod, not trusting my voice.


    Zaid tilts his head, but his gaze lingers on me for a moment longer. I narrow my


    eyes at him, practically sneering.


    Not Complicated


    Now it''s Jakes who''s looking at us and for a moment I can''t take the attention.


    "I''m going for a walk," I huff out, grabbing my sweater from the doorway as I head


    out,


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 86

    A Date


    The cool air brushes against my face as I step outside, but it does little to cool the heat


    simmering beneath my skin.


    My skin feels flushes, restless and unsteady. I''m burning from the inside out. Jake''sforting kiss still lingers on my lips and my pussy is alight with the thought of Zaid''s head between my legs.


    Fuck, what is wrong with me?


    It''s all I can think of, all I can focus on. I''m losing my freaking mind.


    I walk quickly, my shoes crunching against the pavement. It''s not particrly cold out, but my pace is fueled by the need for space, for air, for anything that might help me regain control of everything swirling inside me.


    That house is all Matthews. How can I expect myself to stay under control?


    The sound of heavy footsteps sound behind me, and I close my eyes briefly, groaning inwardly. The tension in my shoulders tightens when I hear his voice.


    "Alina."


    Of course.


    I keep walking, biting the inside of my cheek, but Zaid doesn''t slow down. Within


    seconds, he''s at my side, his hand resting on my waist like it belongs there, fingers digging into my skin.


    My breath hitches, and I hate the way my body reacts to the simple touch. With the next few steps, I let my body lean into his.


    He chuckles low and rough; the sound sending a shiver down my spine. He walks at my pace and lowers his lips to my ear, his breath caressing my lobe. "You look tense."


    I shove at him with my elbow.


    He inhales. "Not enough time to satisfy yourself?"


    A Date


    My head snaps toward him, eyes wide. "Zaid!"


    He smirks unapologetically, his dark eyes gleaming with amusement. "I''m just saying you looked so flushed and wet on my dresser."


    "You''re an asshole," I snap, pping his arm.


    He shrugs, his grin widening. "I''m just surprised you''ve held off this long."


    I stop in my tracks, hands balling into fists at my sides as I turn to face him. "Did youe out here just to tease me?"


    His smile softens slightly, but it doesn''t lose its edge. "No." He shakes his head, stepping closer. "I came to ask you on a date."


    I blink, caughtpletely off guard. "What?"


    Zaid''s smile grows, and he reaches up to brush his thumb against my cheek and then across my lips. The simple touch makes my heart stutter and my knees feel weak.


    "Go on a date with me," he breathes. His eyes study my expression, as if wanting to see my reaction. They drop to my lips for a second before returning to my eyes.


    My lips part, but no wordse out. The heat in my chest spreads outward. A date with


    Zaid?


    "When?" I manage to ask, my voice barely above a whisper.


    He licks his lips, his gaze dropping to mine again. "Tonight."


    I nod slowly, then hesitate. "But I don''t want your dad to know."


    Zaid''s brows furrow, and he looks genuinely confused. "My dad?"


    I nod, hoping to not give anything away. "Wouldn''t it be weird that I''m dating both of his


    sons?"


    "Why would he care? He shouldn''t have any say in who you date."


    I nod again, quickly this time, but my thoughts are anything but calm. If Jakes finds out about this, he would be so angry that I left him out of it. He would maybe even be hurt.


    A Date


    Before I can dwell on it too much, Zaid grabs my hand,cing his fingers through mine.


    "Come on, I have something for you," he says, tugging me gently toward the house.


    I frown, curiosity prickling at the edges of my thoughts. "What is it?"


    The tension between us hums like an electric current. Every time his fingers brush against mine or his gaze lingers a moment too long, my body reacts instinctively. The heat inside me builds, and I know without a doubt that Zaid feels it, too.


    "I bought you something," He smirks as he looks at me.


    My teeth bury themselves in my lower lip. "You did?"


    He nods. "I was thinking you could wear it on our date tonight."


    My heart flutters and I just know it''s a dress. I smile to myself as we keep walking toward


    the house.


    I steal nces at him, my heart rate quickening.


    I want him, and I''ve wanted him for some time. There''s just no denying that anymore.


    He can be beyond irritating and frustrating, and he pulls on everyst one of my nerves, but I like him. He''s so much moreplex than people give him credit for and I''m finding that I like peeling back everyyer.


    He''s intense and angry, but he can be caring and soft.


    He knows what it''s like to survive something that kills the people you love the most. It''s


    something no one can really understand.


    When we reach the house, Zaid leads me inside. His grip on my hand drops the moment we walk through the kitchen.


    Jake is still in there, making himself a cup of coffee. He only looks up at us, but says nothing as we make our way up the stairs.


    As soon as we step into Zaid''s room, I see the bags on his bed and I frown. "Is this why you left me?"


    3:24 pm f


    A Date


    nn


    A smile grows on his lips and he locks the door. "Yeah, you gave me an idea."


    "What do you mean?"


    He walks around me toward his bed, his fingers grazing the skin of my arm until goosebumps spread through me. "I thought you were a prude."


    I lift an eyebrow. Where the hell is this going?


    "But then you nearly suffocated me with your pussy, and I figured you were open


    to a lot more than I thought."


    My eyes dart to the bags on the bed and my body turns hot, my heart hammering


    in my chest. "There''s not a dress in there, is there?"


    He cocks his head to the side and frowns. "A dress?"


    I blow out a steady stream of air


    He reaches into a bag and my breath catches in my throat when he lifts his hand


    and shows me what he is so proud of.

 Chapter 87

    I''ll Go Slow


    My nipples harden beneath my shirt as I stare at the small, bright pink buttplug.


    "Zaid." My voice is low, my mouth dry.


    Zaid''s eyes melt as he looks at me from my head to my toes. "By the look on your face, I imagine you''ve never done this before?"


    My eyes stay locked on the small plug and I shake my head. Fuck, he has no idea. Everything is new to me, considering the fact I lost my virginity to his father only a few


    weeks ago.


    He seems to tremble, and he drops it onto the bed before making his way toward me. Slowly, he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me in close to his body. His erection is stiff between us, digging into my belly.


    I look up at him, struggling to breathe, struggling to stop thinking about what it would feel like to have him inside me, and to have that inside me. Just imagining it has me weak


    in the knees.


    "If you tell me you don''t want to, then we won''t."


    I swallow, finding that I''m shaking my head. "I didn''t say I didn''t want to."


    Zaid''s eyes turn dark, heated. The truth is that I''ve never even thought about doing something like this, but with Zaid, I imagine it would feel good.


    I imagine anything with him would feel good.


    His nostrils re as he hums in his chest. His hands drop to the hem of my shirt and he


    pulls it over my head. He kisses the curve of my neck and I lean into him, closing my eyes


    as I arch my back.


    My spine shudders as his fingers feather over my spine. He undoes the clip of my bra and the cool air hits my breasts. Zaid pulls back just enough to look at me. "Fuck," he breathes out. He cups my breasts, running his thumbs over my nipples. I hiss, gasping as I will my body to get used to the sensations of his fingers on my skin. I


    It Go Slow


    can''t fall apart every time he touches me.


    "You''re so beautiful, love."


    His eyes are so focused on my nipples that I''m not sure if I should take that as apliment or if he''s just as turned on as I am. He leans toward me, drawing a nipple into his mouth, scraping his teeth against my skin.


    I moan, wrapping my arms round his neck and burying my fingers in his hair.


    "We''ll take it slow," He murmurs.


    I nod.


    "I''ll make sure you''re ready."


    I nod again, panting as he feasts on my nipples.


    He draws back and I''m left blinking and swaying, trying to find strength in my knees. He lifts me, dropping me onto the edge of his bed where he takes off my pants and my thong, leaving mepletely and utterly bare.


    My skin breaks out in goosebumps as he runs his hands down my legs to my hips. He spreads me open and licks his lips, sucking on the inside of his cheeks as if his mouth just watered. "What a sexy little pussy."


    The next thing I know, he drops himself to his knees and sucks my clit into his mouth. My back arches and that painful pleasure coils in my stomach.


    "Zaid," I squeal, grabbing onto his hair as my hips buck.


    Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It feels so good. My breath and my heart rate pick up and I''m


    struggling to stay locked in the present.


    Heps at my entrance, and the sounds of my wetness fill the room.


    "Please don''t stop," I beg, my legs tightening around his head. I''ve been wound


    so tight today, teased so much that it doesn''t take me long before I am falling over the edge.


    But, again, I don''t fall.


    I''ll Go Slow


    I groan in frustration as he pulls away. "Zaid!"


    He chuckles, licking his lips, but he still stands up. My chest is heaving, a new anger burning my insides.


    "Finish it," he whispers.


    "What?" I huff out, setting myself up on my elbows.


    He grabs one of my hands and sets it between my legs, pressing my fingers against my clit. "Finish it."


    I''m at a loss for words and he nudges my fingers with a touch of his hand. I start


    to circle my clit, pressing into it as he watches. The heat in my belly coils tight again and I move quicker, harder.


    I''m losing my breath and Zaid is watching every twitch of my face, his eyes growing dark.


    He inserts a finger into me, and I gasp.


    His nostrils re, and he thrusts another finger, clenching his jaw. "Just like that, love."


    I''m struggling to breathe, my legs trembling as I open them wider. My head falls back to the bed and I quicken the pace of my fingers; the heat in me gets to a boiling point and I scream as my orgasm runs through me.


    My body convulses, and Zaid draws it out of me with his fingers still thrusting into me. I fallnguidly onto the bed, breathing out in hard pants.


    "So wet," Zaid hisses.


    He pulls out his fingers and grips my waist, flipping me onto my hands and knees.


    I groan, wanting to just lie and fall asleep, but he doesn''t let me. He tightens his


    hold on my hips and pulls my ass up.


    "Zaid," I moan, burying my face in the pillows.


    "I''ll go slow," He whispers.


    I yelp, gripping the sheets beneath me when I feel the cold dribble of lube between my ass cheeks. Embarrassment runs through me, heat filling my face as he spreads my ass cheeks


    with his hands,


    1 bury my face deeper into the pillow, blowing out a steady stream of air as I feel


    his finger prod at the tight rim of my asshole.


    "Rx, baby,"


    I let my muscles rx, wanting to give him what he needs. He thrusts more of his fingers inside me and I gasp, toes curling, eyes watering.

 Chapter 88

    Finish It


    "Zaid." I hiss.


    He hums, moving his finger in a slow circle. Nerves run through me, a sour pain passing through my chest. "I need you to rx, baby girl."


    I swallow, trying so hard to rein in my nerves. "I can''t."


    "Yes you can, love. Touch yourself."


    With my lips trembling, my legs shaking, I bring my hand to my clit, slowly rubbing


    it.


    "That''s it, so perfect." He thrusts his finger in deeper and I groan in my throat.


    The sensation is odd, but paired with the stimtion on my clit, it makes my body rack tight with pleasure. I''ve never had anyone touch me as intimately as he is, where he is, and just the thought of him being there makes my blood heat.


    He withdraws his finger from me and I feel him step away for a moment.


    "Don''t stop touching yourself," he rumbles.


    I keep touching myself, using the juices from my previous orgasm to bring me closer to my climax. He stands behind me and he once again pours cold lube on my ass.


    "You''re so beautiful," he whispers, feathering kisses on my spine, his hands caressing the skin between my shoulder des.


    The praise has my eyes rolling to the back of my head and something cold and hard prods at my asshole.


    I take in a shaky breath, exhaling and forcing myself to rx.


    "That''s it. Perfect."


    I feel my body fighting against the intrusion, but I focus on loosening my muscles.


    "Beautiful." He stops pushing it in.


    "Zaid?"


    Fiugh h


    He grips both of my ass cheeks. ¡°You''re body can take over now, just let your ass do the


    work."


    1 moan, groaning as I quicken the pace of my fingers. A squeak escapes me when I feel my asshole widen, as if it is stretched to the max. My breathing picks


    up and I drop my hand from between my legs, grasping onto the sheets.


    Zaid reces my hands with his and rubs my clit so perfectly that my legs tremble.


    "Zaid," I plead. "I think I''ming."


    He hisses. "Yes. Let ite, baby. Let ite."


    I''m a trembling mess, but before I fall over the edge, Zaid grabs my hand and moves my fingers around my clit.


    ¡°Finish it,¡± He breathes around my ear.


    The touch of his breath against my skin is what tips me over. I feel myself suck in the plug until I feel as if I''m bursting. My orgasm rumbles through me and I moan into the pillows, my body convulsing.


    I drop, falling onto the bed and Zaid falls beside me, immediately taking my lips with his and cing my leg over his waist.


    We make out as I slowlye down from my orgasm, Zaid pulling and pushing


    on the plug in my ass. I groan, a subtle hint of pain rushing through me.


    But fuck me, does it feel good.


    His kisses move down my jaw. "Wear a dress."


    I nod fervently, not even really paying attention to what he is saying, my body


    igniting with every second of his touch.


    "Nothing underneath."


    He moves his lips down my neck and I nod absently, wanting nothing to distract him from his kisses.


    "I want to see you squirm all night."


    Figh It


    I shudder. "Fuck, Zaid."


    I feel him smile against me before he takes one of my nipples into his mouth. "Every time you feel that pretty little asshole of yours tighten, I want you to think about how I''m going to put a bigger one in you tomorrow."


    My breath catches, and he bites down on my nipple.


    "I want you to imagine what it will feel like for Aiden to fuck you while you wear it,"


    he whispers against my skin, taking my other nipple in his mouth.


    "Zaid," I moan, my body ready for another orgasm.


    "I want you to think about what it will feel like to finally have that sweet little ass of


    yours suck my cock so deep inside you that you''ll forget your own name."


    His voice is so deep and husky, ying with the frayed nerves on my skin. I shudder, my body begging for more, even after two orgasms. I rub myself against his erection, but he stops me with a hand on my hip.


    "Greedy little pussy," he mutters, smiling.


    I exhale. "Please."


    He shakes his head, his lips still ying with my nipple. "I told you I wasn''t going to make it easy on you."


    I pull back slightly, out of breath, as I look down at his thick cock pressed against the fabric of his jeans. "I think you should be worried about how long you willst without fucking me."


    A slow, feline smile spreads on his lips. "Is that a challenge, Alina?"


    My nostrils re and I''m almost too scared to say yes.


    He keeps his eyes on me, and he lowers himself down my body. My chest heaves as I watch him, as he grabs my hips and sets me t on my back. His shoulders force my legs open. He breathes right across my pussy and I hold my breath.


    But fucking Zaid merely smiles at me before pressing a small chaste kiss on my clit. He stands, offering me his hand. "We''ll miss our reservation if we don''t get ready now."


    Finish It


    I huff, taking his hand with my jaw clenched tight. "Asshole."


    He tilts his head to the side. "That''s what this is all about."


    I roll my eyes, shoving him away as I grab my clothes to get out of here.

 Chapter 89

    Health Codes


    I squirm in my seat, gripping the edge of the table as I try to keep my breathing


    under


    control.


    Zaid smirks at me from his seat, taking a sip of his water.


    The restaurant is beautiful. Dim lighting, candlelit tables, and deep red roses in crystal vases. Everything about it screams romance, but nothing about a plug in my ass and a wet pussy feels romantic.


    It''s torture.


    I''m aching.


    So tense and yet trembling at the same time.


    I try to focus on the elegance, on how nice it is that Zaid took the time to choose such a


    niche ce, but I can''t.


    I look down at my arms, noticing the way my hair stands up and how my skin breaks out into goosebumps. My clit pulses and my ass tightens around the plug.


    "How wet are you?" Zaid mutters against the ss of his cup.


    I shoot him a re. I want to fuck him and then kill him. Then revive him so I can fuck


    him again and then kill him again.


    He''s driving me to the end of my patience and he''s doing it while looking like the most delicious man alive. That ck button-up that hugs his broad shoulders too perfectly, his


    dark hair effortlessly draping across his forehead, and his deep, unreadable eyes locked on


    mine like he knows exactly what he''s doing to me.


    And he does.


    I breathe in slowly through my nostrils. "Enough to make me wonder if we are


    He chuckles, chuckles like he isn''t fucking with me in every way imaginable.


    Health Codes


    He enjoys making me unravel, enjoys seeing my breath hitch, my fingers tighten around my ss, my thighs press together under the table.


    And it bothers me so fucking much that I love it.


    Love the anticipation, love the adrenaline.


    It''s infuriating. But it works.


    I pick at my food, my appetite for food nonexistent. My nerves are frayed, my skin too warm despite the cool air of the restaurant. My little ck dress, thin straps, silky fabric barely skimming my thighs, was a bold choice, but now I feel bare under his gaze, like he''s already undressing me in his mind.


    His eyes drop to my chest, and I follow his gaze.


    "Fuck,¡± I breathe out when I notice how hard my nipples are and how much they push against the silk fabric.


    Zaid''s eyes turn even darker. "You''re a sight. Perfection wrapped in that ck little bow


    you call a dress."


    "Zaid," I practically beg. "Please. I can''t."


    He inhales a hissing breath. "Yes you can, baby. I''m so fucking hard right now; you''re not


    alone."


    My skin breaks out into goosebumps. "Please. We can just meet in the bathroom, or go to


    your car. Please."


    "Where''s the fun in that?" Zaid murmurs, his voice low, amused.


    I roll my eyes, stabbing a piece of steak with my fork. "There''s a lot of fun in that."


    He smirks, taking a bite of his food. "Are you thinking about what I told you to?¡±


    My breathing turns shallow as I ignore the throbbing my clit is doing.


    "Are you imagining Aiden slipping his cock inside your wet pussy?"


    Fuck. I look around to make sure no one is watching us, to make sure no one can notice


    Health Codes


    the way I''m basically hanging on by a thread.


    "Are you imagining what it will feel like to have my cock inside your-"


    "Zaid!" I whisper-yell, breathing in deeply through my nostrils.


    He chuckles, his shoulder shaking. I''m going to kill him when we get out of here.


    I need a distraction. A topic that won''t make mebust in the middle of this restaurant.


    I set my fork down and nce at him. "What are your ns for after high school?"


    His smirk falters slightly, his expression shifting. He leans back in his chair, exhaling, running a hand through his hair. "I don''t know."


    I wait for him to borate, and when he doesn''t, I tilt my head. My ass tightens around my plug, but I try not to show it in my face. Instead, I just clear my throat. "You''ve never thought about it?"


    "I mean, I used to." He shrugs, rolling the edge of his napkin between his fingers. "Basketball was the only thing I really cared about, but then... after my injury, after my mom...I stopped looking for something else."


    Something tightens in my chest. I understand that feeling; of having something you love


    suddenly feel different. Hollow.


    He looks back at me, dark eyes swirling with so many emotions. "What about you?"


    I let out a soft breath, swirling my drink in my ss. "I was into art. My dad was a painter, so I grew up drawing, painting, sketching, anything, really."


    Zaid frowns as if he''s thinking and my throat suddenly bes dry. "But after he and


    Alex died, it never felt the same."


    Zaid watches me, something unreadable in his gaze. Then, slowly, a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. "That exins the morbid sketches you had in your journal when we


    first met."


    I huff out augh, shaking my head. "Oh, God. You remember that?"


    He leans forward, resting his arms on the table. "I remember everything about


    you."


    Health Codes


    My cheeks heat, but I manage to keep talking. "That''s the most I''ve drawn in the


    past


    year."


    His smile softens into something gentler. He doesn''t press further, but I can tell he''s thinking about it.


    We finish our meal, talking about things that don''t feel so heavy, music, movies,


    but the tension between us never fades. If anything, it builds.


    More with every passing second.


    More with every clench of my thighs.


    By the time we stand to leave, I''m out of breath. My knees are weak and my legs tremble. Zaid keeps me up with his arm around my waist and he presses a kiss to the crown of my


    head.


    I bury my fingers into the skin of his stomach, wanting to hurt him.


    He chuckles as he gives his ticket to the valet. "Are you really that wound up?"


    I look up at him, steadying my breath. "Yes."


    He brushes my hair off of my forehead, cupping the back of my neck and my jaw between


    his hands. He presses a kiss to my lips, but I need more of him.


    So much more.


    I press my tongue into his mouth and he opens up for me, devouring my mouth


    with his


    own. We kiss for what seems forever when suddenly someone clears their throat.


    We step away from each other, struggling to breathe, and Zaid grabs the keys from the


    valet. He walks me to my seat in silence and we make our way back home.

 Chapter 90

    You''ll Understand-1


    I''m saying a prayer to whatever god exists that Jake is nowhere to be found. Zaid and I make our way to his room, with no one knowing.


    I lean over the bed, putting my weight on my hands as my legs turn to literal jello.


    "Fuck."


    He chuckles from behind me, and I feel him move my dress up my thighs, up my waist and over my head. A shiver runs down my skin and with his hands on my hips, he spins


    me to face him.


    "I had fun tonight," he whispers, pressing a kiss to my nipple.


    I shudder, arching my back. "Me, too."


    There''s a rumble in his chest and I know he''sughing. "You''re so responsive."


    My eyes are closed, and all I focus on are the tips of his fingers as they caress my spine. "You feel so good."


    He hums, his fingers trailing lower, and when he nudges at the plug in my ass, I


    hiss. My


    body jerks and he seems to like that, holding me tight against him.


    "You need to rx, baby."


    I moan. He pulls on the plug, and I bury my fingers in his chest. He''szily pressing kisses


    to my neck. When I realize he''s trying to take it out of me, I lift one leg and wrap it around his waist, opening myself up.


    "Good girl," he purrs against my ear.


    I shudder again and then I kiss his neck, running my lips and my tongue across


    his skin. I can be a good girl; I am a good girl. For him.


    He moans, thrusting his hips against mine, his erection nestled between us.


    "Zaid," I groan.


    He says nothing, just keeps kissing me and pulling on the plug. Slowly, as I rx to his


    You''ll Understand 1


    touch, I feel myself loosening. I hiss, biting down on his shoulder as the thickest part of the plug passes.


    My eyes water and I bury my face in his chest.


    "So perfect," he mutters.


    I breathe out, relief flooding me as I tingle from the absolute emptiness. The plug thuds against the ground and then it''s his finger prodding the rim of my asshole.


    I hiss, pulling on his shirt until his mouth is on mine. He smiles against me. "You''ll be a little sore, but nothing you can''t handle."


    He removes his fingers,ying a small p on my cheek before pulling away.


    I''m naked, panting for breath, my ass sore and my pussy throbbing. Why does he always pull away and what will it take to finally get him to fuck me?


    He looks me up and down, his eyebrow quirking. His hands move to the hem of his shirt and my eyes take him in, scars and all, as he undresses. The heat in my chest grows and when his boxers drop to the floor and I get an eye load of his erection.


    Thick.


    Long.


    Hard.


    It sticks out and I wonder how it hasn''t turned his pants into a tent this entire time. He''s the biggest one out of the three and my body tingles with the anticipation.


    "Jesus fuck," I practically salivate.


    Zaid hisses, grabbing the back of my neck, his fingers pulling at my hair. "Don''t look at


    me like that, baby. I won''t be able to keep my word if you do."


    I frown.


    "I''m not making it easy for you, Alina. I''ve had to watch you be with my brother all


    of this time. I get to torture you just a little, too."


    You''ll Understand-1


    My breath leaves me in a pitiful whine. "What?"


    He smiles, nting a kiss on my neck. "Let''s get to bed."


    He releases me and I''m breathing like a dog, the juice from my pussy dripping down my legs. "You''re not gonna..." I clear my throat. "We''re not going to..."


    I stop mid question as Zaid looks at me from where he is lifting his covers from his bed. He shakes his head and my body coils from the disappointment and utter rejection.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 91

    You''ll Understand-2


    He looks down to where I''m rubbing my legs together and a smirk lifts his lips. "You are more than wee to touch yourself."


    My breath catches.


    "I''m more than happy to fall asleep to the sound of your fingers rubbing your pussy."


    My nipples harden, and I tighten my hands into fists to stop myself from touching them.


    "I love watching, too."


    My tongue runs across my lips and I notice how the heat in his eyes increases tenfold, a bead of cum dripping from his cock. The worst thing about all of this is that he wants me just as bad, but this is part of the fun for him.


    This is part of the pleasure. The teasing, the torture, the pain.


    "I think," I whisper, swallowing to keep my voice steady. "I think I''m going to sleep in my


    room."


    He smiles at that, tilting his head. "You do that, baby, and this will take a lot longer."


    I grunt, and it only makes his smile widen. I gather my resolve and, with a huff, I make


    my way to the other side of the bed and crawl under the sheets. Zaid looks down at me in


    his bed, studying me for a moment before clicking off the light and settling beside


    me.


    Wey in the silence for a few minutes, and I close my eyes, blowing out a steady stream of air to calm the nerves that are igniting my skin.


    Zaid rolls toward me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling against his chest. My leg holds onto his hip and I feel the head of his cock on my clit.


    Heat boils through me and we both exhale, moaning. My heart hammers in my chest, wondering if he''s finally given up, if this is too much for him and he needs to fuck me as much as I need him to fuck me.


    "Go to sleep," he whispers in my ear.


    You''ll Understand-2


    I throw my head back, groaning in disappointment. "I can''t sleep like this."


    "Like what?" He teases.


    "Empty," I breathe out.


    He hardens even more between us and he flips us, so I''m on my back and he''s over me, his cock pressing against my clit. He thrusts and my stomach tightens, my skin breaking out in goosebumps.


    His lips find mine in the darkness, his tongue sweeping in my mouth as he rubs his cock between my legs. His breathing turns heavy, slow and small grunts leave his mouth.


    The burning inside of me is growing, leaving my lungs in pain as if I can''t breathe. I want him; I want him so much. I didn''t know it was possible to want someone so much.


    He grabs my hand and ces it between my legs. I shake my head. "No, please."


    He lifts his head, his hand cupping my jaw as he continues to thrust. "Finish it, baby."


    I rub my clit. The pleasure is so heightened that it hurts. "Please, Zaid. I want to feel full."


    He moans, burying his face in my neck. "Fuck, baby."


    I increase the pressure of my hand, knowing that this is the only way I''m going to orgasm tonight. "Why won''t you fuck me?"


    He smiles, his brow twitching as he quickens the pace of his hips. "You have to say the


    words."


    My orgasm is so close, so close I''m struggling to speak. "Say that I want you to fuck me?"


    His eyes caress the side of my face before he sadly shakes his head. The look in his eyes is so beautiful, my chest aching at the sight. I press my fingers harder against my clit and


    I''m about to fall over.


    My body shatters, my spine and legs shuddering as I moan beneath him.


    "You''ll understand soon," Zaid whispers against my hair just as I fall asleep.

 Chapter 92

    Make Aiden''s Morning-1


    I wake up to warmth. Immediately, a smile spreads across my lips, even though I don''t fully know why.


    That is until I feel the clench of Zaid''s arm around my waist. I''m fully aware of his steady heat and the sound of his heartbeat at my back.


    I suck in a breath, the butterflies and hunger in my stomach igniting into a tight coil of pain. It hasn''t escaped my notice that I haven''t reached an orgasm at his hands and my body is angry at that.


    I thought aftering after me all this time that he would take me as soon as possible. For a moment, I quiet my heartbeat and focus on the morning light filtering through the


    curtains.


    The ache in my boneses to life then and I slowly, quietly, turn in his arms to face


    him.


    My gaze drifts over him, drinking him in now that he''s still. His dark hair is a mess against the pillow, thickshes casting shadows over his cheekbones. The raven tattoo behind his ear peeks through strands of his hair.


    His sharp jawline is ck in sleep, lips slightly parted. He looks like something carved from stone, like he was made to be admired.


    I don''t want to move. Don''t want to do anything but stay curled up in the sheets that


    smell like him.


    But there''s this tension thrumming under my skin, a need that isn''t satisfied by just lying


    here next to him.


    It''s frustrating.


    He''s frustrating.


    My breathing turns heavy, and just as I''m about to turn away, I see the faintest quirk of his lips.


    I freeze. "How long have you been awake?"


    Make Aiden''s Morning-1


    His smile widens, slow. Then, his dark eyes open, locking onto mine.


    I forget how to breathe. It''s unfair, the way he looks at me, like he''s unraveling every inch of me with just one nce. Like he already knows what I want before I even say it.


    "Long enough to know that you''re frustrated." His fingers skim up my arm, tracing heat along my skin, and then he cups my jaw, tilting my face toward his. His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, and my stomach flips.


    I blow out a steady stream of air. "All thanks to you."


    Heughs. "Don''t worry, baby, you''ll get fucked today." He reaches for me, pressing his


    lips to mine.


    Deep,nguid, like he''s memorizing the taste of me all over again. His lips move against mine, pulling me under so effortlessly that I don''t even think to fight it. I melt, pressing


    closer, feeling every inch of him against me.


    Yes. Yes. Finally. It''s happening.


    He moves away, leaving me breathless.


    I watch the muscles of his ass twitch as he walks away into his closet and I sit up, not caring that the sheets fall off my chest and lie around my hips. I''m so done with this. I


    make up my mind to leave when Zaid walks back out, a thicker plug in his hands.


    My cheeks heat, and my breathing turns heavy. He grabs the lube from his dresser and makes his way toward me, kissing me until I''m slick between my legs and grinding against


    his thigh.


    It takes about the same amount of time as yesterday, the same amount of pain and the


    same dedicated teasing from Zaid to get it up my ass.


    I''m clenching around it twenty minutester. I have my arms around his neck, my breasts against his chest, and his erection tucked perfectly between us. My legs are a bit shaky, especially with how Zaid spreads my ass cheeks to get a good look at the plug in the mirror''s reflections.


    "You look so fucking sexy," He whispers into my ear.


    3:27 pm


    Make Aiden''s Morning-1


    I shake my head, trying to ignore the sweat that''s beading on my forehead.


    He lets go of my ass and ces his hand at the small of my back, pushing me toward the door.


    I look back at him. "What are you doing?"


    A wide, teasing smile spreads across his lips. "Go make Aiden''s morning."


    A hot red heat rushes through me from my toes to my head.

 Chapter 93

    Make Aiden''s Morning-2


    "Come back here after you''re freshly fucked, and I''ll let your ass take a break."


    "Zaid-" I get nothing else out before he pushes me into the hallway,pletely naked.


    My skin breaks out into goosebumps and I quickly make my way down to Aiden''s room, afraid to be caught naked out in the open. Thankfully, his door isn''t locked and I''m able to sneak right in.


    The room is quiet and my eyes go to his bed, where he''sying with his back to me. I notice the way his body rises and falls from his heavy breaths.


    He''s still asleep and must be exhausted from his practice yesterday. I chew on my lip for a moment, looking down at myself. My nipples are perked up, and the need to please Zaid andplete his request has me moving forward.


    "Aiden?" I call out in a soft whisper.


    Aiden shifts, his hands rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he turns to face me. His brows are immediately tugged down as a frown mars his face. It takes him only seconds before the look on his face softens and his eyes widen.


    He looks me up and down, focusing on my breasts, and then azy smile lifts one corner of his lips. "This is the best way I''ve ever been woken up.¡±


    My breathing turns heavier and I make my way toward him, crawling onto the bed. His eyes watch me, hooded and darkening. He wastes no time shoving down the sheets and


    then his boxers.


    My heart is beating so hard in my chest, my ass clenching on the plug. My pussy throbs from the anticipation of finally being filled. I straddle his hips, my hands on his chest.


    He cups my waist and runs his thumb across my ribs. "You''re so beautiful."


    A breathy moan escapes me and I lift my hips just high enough to feel the head of his cock crowning my entrance. I dig my nails into his chest and slowly lower myself, taking


    him in slowly, inch by delicious inch.


    I drop my head between my shoulders, letting out a squeal of pleasure as I feel full, so


    Make Aiden''s Morning 2


    full. Aiden''s cock pushes against the plug in my ass and I feel like I''m busting at the


    seams.


    Aiden notices the devastating look of pleasure on my face and he lifts himself onto his elbows, grabbing an ass cheek with his hand. I gasp, noticing the moment his fingers graze against the base of the plug.


    His eyes widen and a delightfully teasing smile widens on his face. "Fuck, don''t tell me that''s what I think it is."


    I keep myself still, my body trembling as I try to adjust to the fullness at both ends.


    I nod quickly and Aiden''s nostrils re. He pulls himself out of me and I grunt from the disappointment, Zaid''s refusal to fuck me so clearly in my mind.


    "Aiden, please. Please, fuck me."


    Aiden moans, panting. "The best words toe out of your mouth."


    He grabs my hips and flips me onto my hands and knees, lifting my ass up to line my pussy up with his cock. In one single thrust, he seats himselfpletely inside of me and I gasp for air, my body lighting up with the pain and the pleasure. The angle has him hitting me in ces that are so different from before.


    "Fuck!" I yell, gripping onto the sheets.


    Aiden thrusts hard and fast. His thighs p against mine, his hips driving into my ass. I moan loud, crying from how full I feel, howplete. My pussy is finally getting the fucking I have been begging for.


    He pulls on the plug, and my legs tremble. "What a fucking sight."


    My body coils so tight, and the edge of my vision turns ck. "Aiden, I''ming."


    My body shudders and Aiden grunts, his breathing out in broken gasps.


    "Fuck, this pussy. Feels so fucking gooding on my cock."


    I close my eyes, letting the pleasure take me to another dimension.


    Aiden keeps his pace, thrusting until Ie once more, and he follows right behind me.

 Chapter 94

    Work For It


    I should have known this was a bad idea.


    I''m in the backseat of Zaid''s car, my legs crossed, my arms folded, my re burning holes. into the backs of their heads. Aiden''s in the passenger seat, slouchedfortably, his fingers tapping against his knee in rhythm with the low music ying through the


    speakers.


    Zaid is watching me in the rearview mirror as he drives. He has one hand restingzily on the wheel, the other draped over the gearshift.


    He gives me that cocky smile of his.


    After Aiden made me orgasm two times, finally, I went back to Zaid. He did nothing but help me take the plug out. The squirming I''m doing now is all because of the wordsing from Zaid and Aiden''s mouth.


    "You sent her to me this morning?" Aiden asks Zaid through a badly disguised chuckle.


    Zaid flicks his eyes at me through the mirror and nods. My cheeks feel so hot, like I''m on


    fire.


    Aiden shakes his head, rubbing his fingers on his chin as he thinks about it, his shoulders shaken with anotherugh. "Fuck, I wish I would have thought about plugging her ass."


    "Aiden!" I smack his arm. "I don''t like this."


    Zaid lifts an eyebrow. "Don''t like what, love?"


    I sputter, surprised he''s struggling to understand what I''m saying. "This! You guys talking


    about me like this!"


    I wave between the two of them, but it only makes Aiden''s smile widen. "She felt wetter."


    Zaid nods. "So wet."


    "Oh, for the love of " I sit up straighter, heat crawling up my neck. "Can you two please stop?"


    Work For it


    Aiden turns just enough to nce at me, amusement lighting up his dark eyes. "Why? It''s


    true."


    Zaid chuckles, throwing a knowing smirk at Aiden before flicking his gaze at me through the rearview mirror. "She''s cute when she''s mad."


    I huff, sinking back into the seat, embarrassment crawling up my neck. "I hate you both."


    "Some say hate sex is better," Aiden mutters under his breath.


    I ignore him.


    We pull into the grocery store parking lot, and I practicallyunch myself out of the car, needing space from them.


    When did it get like this? Zaid and Aiden, talking about me? Joking about me and my...


    pussy?


    I groan, rubbing my hand down my face. Maybe it was better when they hated each other so much they weren''t talking.


    They follow behind me, and the second we step inside, they start right back up.


    Aiden''s pushing the cartzily with one hand, tossing in random ingredients, while Zaid walks beside him, pulling items off shelves like he actually knows what we need.


    A smile pulls at my lips. I shared the recipe with the both of them, but it looks like Zaid is the only one that looked at it.


    He tosses something in the cart and walks beside Aiden, his dark eyes locked onto me. "What do you think about the way she kisses?"


    My eyes widen, and I turn away from them, walking quickly to make sure no one thinks


    I''m with them.


    They walk faster to catch up to me, and I hear Aiden''s voice as he replies. "Her tongue? It does-"


    "Stop!" I plead. "Please."


    Zaid licks his bottom lip, shoving his hands in his pocket as he makes his way toward me.


    Wert Th


    1 step back, my back hitting the shelf of cans and jars. He leans toward me, hovering only


    an inch away from me.


    "You can buy my silence with a kiss, love," Zaid says casually, like he''s asking me


    to pass


    him the sugar.


    1 freeze, ring up at him. "Are you serious?"


    Zaid smirks, reaching for a jar of chocte sauce and tossing it into the cart. "Dead


    serious."


    Aiden watches from the middle of the aisle, his hands on the cart.


    I stare between them, my face burning, and then, before I can think too much about it, I grab Zaid''s cor, pull him down, and press a quick, fleeting kiss to his lips. His body tenses in surprise, but then he melts into me,nguidly kissing me.


    His hand presses against the bottom of my belly, and for a second I forget we''re in public. I pull away, stepping aside as if nothing happened.


    "Is that enough payment?" I whisper, voice husky.


    Zaid''s grin is downright wicked. "Yes."


    Aiden lets out a dramatic sigh, resting his arm against the cart handle. "Where''s my kiss?"


    1 gape at him. "You have got to be kidding me."


    Aiden shrugs, but there''s a teasing glint in his eyes. "Zaid, have you noticed the little


    sounds she makes when shees-"


    I gasp, rushing toward him with my hands over his mouth. I regret all of my life choices. He smiles beneath my hands, so I take a step closer, stand on my toes, and press a quick


    kiss to Aiden''s lips.


    His arm wraps around my waist, and he pulls me in for a deeper kiss.


    The moment I pull back, he grins like I just handed him the greatest gift in the


    world. "See? That wasn''t so hard."


    I spin around, grabbing the nearest item off the shelf, pretending I meant to grab


    it. "I


    Work For It


    really do hate you both."


    Zaidughs, and Aiden just shrugs.


    We shop for a few more minutes when we stop at the ice cream. Zaides up beside me, his hand on my lower back. "Ice cream on top of the three deserts we''re making?"


    I shrug, leaning into his hand. "Ice cream is always a good idea."


    He leans closer, his lips brushing the crown of my head. "I have a few ideas for that ice


    cream."


    I ignore the burning he ignites in my belly and grab a bucket of vani, one of rocky road and one mint chocte chip. "Zaid, you can''t keep teasing me."


    He follows after me.


    "Besides, I''m spending tonight with Aiden. Not you."


    Aiden perks up at that, looking down at the ice cream in my hands. "Vani''s my


    favorite."


    I smile up at him, cing a kiss on his lips before shooting Zaid a re.


    I''ve just decided to make him work for it. He''s not making this easy for me? Well, I


    won''t make it easy for him.

 Chapter 95

    As He Sleeps-1


    I stare at myself in the mirror as I get ready for bed, braiding my hair and throwing


    it over my shoulder. I tell myself I''m not doing this to get back at him.


    Not really.


    But as I slip out of my room, the hem of Aiden''srge shirt brushes against my thighs and all I can think about is Zaid. I''m buried in my thoughts as I walk, remembering his kisses and his lips all over me.


    The way his hands feel when he brushes them against my spine and my skin.


    I want him more than I can put into words.


    I''m so in my thoughts that I don''t see him. I bump right into him and he does nothing to steady me. He''s leaning against the wall, his arms crossed on his chest like he''s been


    waiting for me.


    I look up, and Zaid''s dark eyes watch me. His ck sweatpants hang low on his hips, and his shirtless torso is all taut muscles and scars.


    He''s so beautiful.


    I ignore the heat pooling low in my stomach and raise my head high, walking past him. I keep my feet light against the floor as I turn toward Aiden''s room.


    Something in me makes me look at Zaid over my shoulder and the fire inside me triples when his lips twitch, his brow arching as if he''s both surprised and amused.


    I stop in front of Aiden''s door, gripping the handle. "Good night, Zaid."


    His smirk deepens, his gaze dragging over me, slow and knowing. "Good night, love."


    My stomach clenches, my body shudders, but I push past it. I turn from him, twisting the knob and slipping inside, shutting the door behind me.


    I exhale slowly, my hands curling into fists.


    I''m not doing this to get back at him.


    As He Sleeps 1


    I''m not.


    I want Aiden.


    1 turn, my eyes adjusting to the darkness of Aiden''s room. He only has his


    bedsidemp on, and it immediately sets the mood. Aiden is sitting on the edge of his bed like he''s


    been waiting for me.


    I reach behind me and click the lock on the door.


    Aiden smiles slowly, looking up at me as he ys with something in his hand. Anticipation runs through me in the form of coiled pain and pleasure in my stomach. I step toward him but stop when he shakes his head.


    A shiver runs down my skin and I swallow thickly.


    "Take it off," he whispers thickly.


    I don''t know why I''m trembling so much; sex with Aiden has be a constant in my life. But tonight? Tonight my body is buzzing like it''s the first time all over again.


    I grip the hem of the shirt and slowly slide it up my body and over my head. Of course,


    I''m wearing nothing underneath and the air lights up my skin.


    Aiden''s amber eyes darken, looking me over once, then twice. Like he can''t get enough of


    1. me. "Do you want me to fuck you, baby?"


    My mouth dries, my tongues sticking to the top of my throat. "Yes."


    His shoulders rise as his breath turns heavy. "I have something for you."


    He brings his hand up, showing me what he has been ying with. A shaky breath leaves


    me and my eyes widen slightly. He''s holding onto the plug, the first one Zaid had put inside me.


    Aiden curls his finger at me, calling me to him. The hunger inside of me has intensified to new heights, and I walk toward him. The moment I stand in front of him, he grabs my waist and pulls me to straddle hisp.


    His eyes watch mine and my nipples graze the skin of his chest, my pussy clenching in anticipation.


    As He Sleeps-1


    I''m about to feel full and satiated again, and I can''t wait to fall asleep in the buzz


    of it all. Aiden''s eyes turn dark and possessive, his teeth nipping at my jaw. I feel


    his arms shift and I gasp when cold lube dribbles between my ass cheeks. Chapter Comments


    4


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 Chapter 96

    As He Sleeps-2


    "Aiden," I moan.


    "I know, baby. Fuck, I know."


    He takes my lips, kissing me deep and strong. His fingers prod at the rim of my asshole and I swallow the pain from the sudden intrusion. He massages the muscle, kissing me so that I loosen up, and then he slowly pushes the plug inside.


    I pull away from his lips, gasping as my hole closes around the thinnest part of the plug,


    leaving just the base on the outside.


    He moves it in a slow circle, and I moan, dropping my head onto his shoulder. I reach between us, beginning to pull down the waistband of his sweatpants, but he stops me with his hand on my wrist.


    I blow out a frustrated breath. "Aiden-"


    "I''m not going to fuck you tonight, baby."


    I swear, tears prick the back of my eyes. Has Zaid''s n suddenly be Aiden''s?


    "You are going to fuck me."


    A breath leaves me and my pussy throbs, new wetness pooling at my entrance.


    He cups the back of my head, pulling on my hair as he smiles down at me.


    "You like that idea, baby?"


    I nod, even through the pain of him pulling on my hair.


    He leans in close, his lips brushing against mine as he speaks. "I want to wake up


    to the sight and the feeling of you riding my cock."


    My breath catches. "What?"


    "I want you to coil yourself up so tight with pleasure that you will have no other option than to use me as I sleep."


    "Aiden." Doesn''t he know that I''m already coiled up so tight that I''m going to snap?


    As He Sleeps-2


    He kisses me slow and deep before pulling away and lifting me off hisp. He settles me on the other side of the bed, covering both of us with his sheets.


    "Good night, baby," He whispers and then clicks off themp.


    I''m left with my mouth gaping in disbelief. What the fuck?


    My body is so lit up, I don''t know how I''m going toe down enough to sleep. Maybe I can please myself enough to where I won''t need Aiden. Or Zaid, for that matter.


    I start by tracingzy circles against my hipbone, letting the touch ignite more points of pleasure through me. I try to keep my breathing low so that I do not


    moan.


    The minutes pass and soon I''m feeling the edges of my pleasure.


    It''s harder to keep quiet, the more I touch myself.


    The more my ass clenches around the plug.


    I spread my legs further, letting my knees fall to the sides, one of them grazing Aiden''s


    thigh.


    He doesn''t move.


    I gasp softly as I circle my clit. My orgasmes quick, pleasure running through


    me. I breathe out my relief and close my eyes, ready to let sleep take me.


    I toss and turn before realizing that I cannot sleep. My body wants more.


    It''s not enough.


    So, I return my fingers to my clit and rub until Ie again.


    And again.


    My eyes hurt from how tired I am, and the slow pass of the hours has done nothing to ease how much I want to feel full. I''m breathing heavily from the adrenaline, while Aiden is breathing heavily with sleep. I blow out a steady stream


    of air, not knowing if I should take his words as a serious request.


    With my heart hammering in my chest, I reach for him. I ce my hands on his chest and


    As He Sleeps-2


    straddle his hips, breathing out quietly to not wake him.


    His brows frown slightly, but he doesn''t move, his eyes still closed in sleep.


    I reach between us, lowering his sweatpants and gasping when my handse


    in contact with his erection. He''s hot, throbbing.


    He hums under his breath and I lift my hips. I swipe the head of his cock at my entrance, but I stop myself before I lower onto it.

 Chapter 97

    Or He Will-1


    I''m assuming that because he put the plug in me, that he wants to see it, right?


    I suck my lower lip into my mouth and quietly turn around. I lean into my hand by


    his


    thighs and line his cock at my entrance once more.


    My eyes roll to the back of my head as I run it across my clit and finally give myself the satisfaction by slowly lowering onto him. His length enters me slowly and I gasp, giving myself time to stretch and take him in.


    "Fuck," the desperate whisper leaves my lips.


    My legs tremble, my chest heaving as I sit there with his cock all the way inside me. My body shudders and I will myself to move.


    My stomach coils, the pussy throbbing.


    My skin ps against his, and quickly, uncontrolled moans are leaving my lips.


    I feel Aiden shift beneath me, a groan leaving his lips before his hands grasp my


    ass


    cheeks to spread them.


    "Fuck, this is a much better sight than I imagined." His voice is rough, deep, broken.


    It makes my pussy flutter, the pain in my stomach coils tighter. "I''m going toe."


    Aiden chuckles. "Already?"


    My thighs burn, my breath shaky. If only he knew that this orgasm has been hours in the making. I might have only been riding his cock for a minute, but my entire body has been preparing for this all day.


    I shatterpletely, crying as I contract and pulse around him. He takes over, flipping us so that he is on top, and throws my leg over his waist before hammering into me


    relentlessly.


    He thrusts and then stills, grunting as he spills hot seed inside me. I''m whimpering, trying to catch my breath and I cup his face, kissing him slowly andnguidly, enjoying the light flutters of my clit as Ie down from the ecstasy.


    Or He Will 1


    "Anytime you want to wake me up like that, be my guest, baby," he whispers huskily against my neck.


    Iy beside him, not even bothering to get up to clean myself. I let his cum drip out of me and onto my thighs as I doze off into a dreamless, deep sleep.


    The sun is high in the sky when I slip out of bed, careful not to wake Aiden. He''s still heavily asleep beside me, and it takes me a few attempts to get his arm off my waist.


    My limbs feel heavy, my mind hazy with sleep as I head to my room and grab a fresh change of clothes. I slip back out to the hallways to shower and the emptiness makes me blow out a breath of relief.


    I step inside the bathroom, shut the door, and lean against it.


    The mirror reflects tired eyes and swollen lips, proof of my countless orgasms.


    I turn the shower on and let the steam fill the space around me. My fingers slip under the hem of my shirt, ready to peel it off when the door opens.


    I gasp, spinning around, my pulse leaping into my throat.


    Jake stands in the doorway, chest rising and falling unevenly, his dark hair a mess like


    he''s been running his hands through it over and over. His dark eyes, sharp, burning, desperate, lock onto mine.


    "Jake-"


    Before I can say another word, he''s on me.


    His hands cradle my face, his lips crashing into mine, and I barely have time to breathe


    before I''m melting into him. The bathroom door clicks shut behind him, sealing us inside,


    trapping the heat between our bodies.


    God, these Matthews men are wringing me of every inch of self control and energy.


    His kiss is deep, consuming, like he''s been starving for this, for me. His hands move, one gripping my waist, the other tangling in my hair as he tilts my head back, kissing me harder. A whimper escapes me and he groans in response, lifting me onto the counter in


    one smooth motion.

 Chapter 98

    Or He Will-2


    "Jake-"I gasp against his lips, but he shakes his head.


    "I can''t stop," he murmurs, his voice rough, breaking apart. His lips trail down my jaw, pressing open-mouthed kisses to my neck, my corbone. "I''ve tried. I swear to god, I''ve tried, but watching you just, just walk around my house, baby...It''s driving me insane."


    I swallow hard, my head spinning.


    His fingers dig into my thighs, his forehead pressing against mine.


    "Tell me I''m not losing my mind," he whispers, his hands sliding up my bare


    thighs, gripping me like I''m the only thing holding him together. "Tell me I''m not the only one


    ''who feels like this."


    I exhale shakily, my hands threading through his hair, pulling him closer. "You''re not.


    You''re not."


    His lips crash into mine again, desperate, searching. My legs tighten around his waist, my body arching into his.


    Then, he stills.


    His breathing is ragged, his hands trembling as he grips my hips. When he pulls back just enough to look at me, his expression is pained, conflicted.


    I watch him, my eyes widening as he lowers himself, grabbing my knees to open my legs for him. I''m wearing nothing under the t-shirt, so he groans deep in his throat when he sees every inch of me.


    When he sees that bright pink plug in my ass.


    His eyes shoot up to me, a quirked eyebrow and hunger in his eyes. I gasp when he flicks it. "This is new." His voice is hoarse, on edge.


    "Yes," I hiss, grabbing onto the counter when he presses a finger into my pussy.


    He licks his lips and then lowers between my legs. Horror flutters through me and


    I press a hand on his forehead to stop him. He wants to eat me out but-


    Or He Will-2


    "I slept with Aiden."


    He quirks an eyebrow, as if telling me that means nothing.


    I moan. "I was with himst night. I''m not sure you want-"


    My words leave me when he lowers himself and feasts on my pussy. His tongue teases, swirls and absolutely destroys me.


    I didn''t think I had another orgasm in me, but it breaks through me. Sharp and intense. I''m sweating, the steam from the shower only making


    worse.


    "Stop, please," I beg when he continues to lick at me as I tremble from my orgasm.


    "Please."


    He kisses my inner thigh and lifts his head, but he still doesn''t step away. I breathe out a moan when he pulls on the plug. He pulls until my hole is wrapped tightly around the thickest part of it.


    I hiss.


    He pushes it back in and then pulls it back out again. He watches with interested, dark


    eyes.


    He pushes it back in and I squeal. "Jake, please."


    He lifts his eyes to mine and drops my legs, stepping in close to me, until our


    faces are only inches away. "I''m gonna get you a bigger one."


    I swallow.


    "And then I''m going to fuck you there."


    Oh god, I can only take so much dirty talk. What is happening?


    His hand crawls up my chest until he wraps his fingers around my neck. "Tell me you


    want it."


    I nod fervently. "I want it."


    He narrows his eyes, tightening his hold on my throat, and I know it''s the details


    he


    3:30 pm


    Or He Will-2


    wants.


    "I want you to fuck my asshole."


    His jaw clenches as he tries to control his reaction. "When are you going to tell Aiden?"


    The question knocks the air from my lungs.


    I shake my head, my throat tightening.


    He leans in so close that his breath fans across my lips, his fingers twitching


    around my neck. "You either tell him after New Years, or I will."


    The warmth of him disappears, leaving me cold despite the steam thickening the


    air.


    And just like that, he''s gone.


    I sit there on the counter, heart pounding, lips swollen, body burning.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 99

    Up To You


    The scent of coffee and bacon drifts through the air as I step downstairs, my wet hair cool against my back. My heartbeat is uneven, my body still humming with the ghost of Jake''s touch, the way his mouth had felt against mine.


    I stop at the threshold of the kitchen, my stomach twisting. Jake, Aiden, and Zaid are gathered around the ind, drinking coffee and making ate breakfast. Jake leans against the counter, his sleeves rolled up, his fingers wrapped around a ck mug. Aiden is flipping eggs in a pan while Zaid sits on the barstool, scrolling through his phone.


    They look so normal, sopletely unaware of the way my heart beats for the three of


    them.


    My body heats as I think of the way Jake feasted on my pussy, on the way I woke up Aiden by riding his cock, and the way Zaid is teasing me and teaching me new things in the most delicious ways.


    They''re driving me crazy, making me someone I never thought I''d be.


    Then Jake looks up.


    His dark eyes meet mine, and for a single, stretched-out second, everything slows. His brow lifts slightly, but there''s no smirk, no teasing. But he has to know how something so simple as his gaze affects me.


    My skin burns with shame, with the weight of what just happened upstairs, and I force myself to keep walking as if nothing is wrong.


    Jake pushes off the counter and sets his mug down. "I have to head into the office today."


    Aiden frowns, flipping the stove off. "It''s Christmas Eve. Besides, when''s thest time you


    even went to the office?"


    Jake hesitates, rolling his shoulders before answering. "My CFO died of a heart attackst night. There''s a lot to sign off on, and I need to be there to make sure things will still happen ording to n."


    Aiden''s frown deepens, but I can see the shock that crosses through his features. Zaid only looks up from his phone, focusing on his father''s expression.


    Up To You


    I clear my throat, pushing past the tightness in my chest. "I''m really sorry, Jake."


    Jake''s lips twitch in something that isn''t quite a smile, and before I can react, his fingers brush against mine. It''s quick, barely there, but the heat of it is unmistakable. He leaves before anyone can notice, his footsteps disappearing down the hall.


    It only takes a few seconds before I ampletely aware that I am alone with Zaid and Aiden.


    Silence stretches. I take a breath, trying to gather myself, but before I can fully steady my thoughts, Zaid moves.


    He strides toward me, his dark eyes locked onto mine. The moment I am within reach, his lips im mine in a slow, deep kiss. A soft gasp escapes me, and his hands slide down my back, grip my ass and pull me closer. His mouth is warm, his kiss unhurried yet possessive.


    He pushes against me until my back hits the counter, and I''m running out of oxygen.


    By the time he pulls back, I''m breathless, my cheeks burning.


    "Good morning," he murmurs, his voice thick with amusement. He presses a soft kiss to my neck and I blink from the shock of his touch.


    I barely have time to register the smirk on his lips before Aiden tugs me toward him, turning me in his arms. He kisses me next, slow and deep, his lips softer but just as devastating. His fingers tilt my chin up, deepening it for just a second before he pulls


    away.


    "Good morning," he echoes, his grin widening as he leans down to press a quick kiss to


    the tip of my nose.


    My head spins. I stare between them, my heart hammering, heat creeping up my neck.


    I thought... I thought these would be two separate things. Two different rtionships.


    But the way they''re looking at me, the way they''re treating me, it doesn''t seem like that''s the case at all.


    The words slip out before I can stop them. "What are we?"


    Up To You


    Aiden''s grin deepens, his hazel eyes flicking toward Zaid, who only lifts an eyebrow in response as he takes a sip from his coffee. Neither of them answers immediately, and I scoff. "Hello?"


    Aiden shrugs. "We can be whatever you want us to be."


    That answer only pisses me off more. "What is that supposed to mean?"


    Zaid is watching me with an unreadable expression. The only indication that he is listening is the twitch in his jaw. "Maybe you can start this conversation by telling us exactly what it is that is making you ufortable."


    I blow out a steady stream of air. "I thought I was in a rtionship with Aiden."


    Zaid stiffens.


    "And a rtionship with you."


    He only narrows his eyes, but the tension in his shoulders remains. Aiden watches me with a much more rxed posture, ignoring his eggs that are still in the pan on the stove.


    "I just didn''t think they would mesh," I force out.


    Aiden frowns. "Does it bother you?"


    I think about that. "I don''t know. It''s just new. Unexpected."


    Aiden and Zaid look at each other like they''re having a secret conversation in their


    heads. When did they get so close again? Their expressions shoot off an awareness inside me.


    "Wait. Have you guys- have you guys shared a girlfriend before?"


    Aiden shakes his head. "Girlfriend, no."


    The rification makes me tense.


    "Sex? That''s another matter," Zaid adds, taking a sip of his coffee like he didn''t


    just admit to having threesomes with his brother.


    My mouth drops open. "What?"


    3:30 pm


    Up To You


    Aiden gives me azy smile. "Don''t tell me you haven''t thought about it before?"


    My insides turn so hot that I feel like I am boiling from the inside out. I shake my head.


    Zaid quirks an eyebrow. "Really?"


    I can''t breathe. I can''t think straight. All I see in my head are Zaid and Aiden, both. Naked. Touching me, licking me-


    "She''s thinking about it right now," Aiden smiles.


    I press my legs together. Nope. Nope. Today and tonight I am practicing celibacy.


    I do not think my body can endure another orgasm so soon.


    Zaid stands from his stool. "We like you, Alina. Both of us."


    My chest heaves, and he walks toward me.


    "You want us to keep this separate? We will."


    I look at Aiden, who is nodding his agreement.


    "But imagine how good it would feel to be fucked by us both at the same time."


    I moan, and he smiles, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear.


    "All of this is up to you, love. You."


    I nod absentmindedly. He kisses me softly, his hands gripping my waist.

 Chapter 100

    A Messy Christmas Eve


    Hourster, we have the kitchen smelling like cinnamon, melted chocte, and warm


    vani.


    Aiden is concentrating hard as he measures out the ingredients for the chocte cherry cake I have him making while Zaid looks absolutely ridiculous with oven mitts over his hands. He is squatting in front of the oven, looking through the ss pane as the pies we made finish baking.


    Flour dusts the countertops, smears across Aiden''s cheek, and somehow, there''s powdered sugar in Zaid''s hair.


    I keep my smile tucked between my teeth. They look adorable. For a few blissful hours, I forget everything.


    I forget the burning questions circling my mind about what exactly we are. I forget the ache in my chest that lingers from losing my family. I forget the emptiness that contes with knowing my mother will not be here for Christmas and wondering where our rtionship will go now.


    Right now, there is only the warmth of the kitchen, the heat of the oven, and the teasingughter that fills the air.


    "Aiden, you don''t have to measure that perfectly," I say, lifting an eyebrow as he leans over the counter to check that his measuring cup is level.


    He raises an eyebrow at me. "You''re bossy in the kitchen."


    "Yes, because I actually know what I''m doing," I say before turning to Zaid. "You-" Zaid''s grin is already mischievous as he stands from his squat. "Yes, ma''am?"


    I snicker. "The pies aren''t ready?"


    "Well, that''s what I was looking in on before you interrupted."


    I roll my eyes and move to check on the cookie dough that I''ve been working on.


    Zaid walks up behind me and presses a soft kiss to my shoulder before sneaking another


    A Messy Christmas Eve


    onto my neck, his hands ghosting over my waist before he pulls back to continue his oven vignce


    I shiver at the touch.


    We work in silence for a few minutes. I roll out the cookie dough into little balls, and Zaid pulls the pies from the oven. He sets them out to cool.


    "They smell so good," Aiden whispers before leaning in and kissing the side of my head.


    Zaid nods, practically salivating. If I don''t stop them, they''re going to eat the pies right


    here and now.


    "You two need to focus," I huff, pointing between them.


    Aiden grins. "Yes, chef."


    Zaid snorts. "Happy to obey, my little dictator."


    The teasing doesn''t stop, and when I taste-test Aiden''s batter, I smile. "Perfect."


    Zaid rolls his eyes with a grin on his face. "It better be. If Aiden were in charge of the


    desserts, we''d all be dead by now."


    Aiden gasps, clutching his chest dramatically. "That was one time, and it wasn''t that bad


    "I almost died from the food poisoning," Zaid barks out.


    Iugh, but before I can say anything, a handful of flour flies across the kitchen and


    smacks into Zaid''s chest.


    Zaid stares down at himself, then at Aiden, who is grinning, another handful of flour


    ready.


    "You little-" Zaid lunges for him, but Aiden ducks away,ughing. Flour explodes into


    the air, covering the countertops, the floor, and me.


    "Guys!" I shriek, but before I can protest, Zaid grabs me and throws me over his shoulder, using me as a shield against Aiden''s attack.


    A Messy Christmas Eve


    I scream, kicking my legs. "Zaid, put me down!"


    "No can do, love. Gotta protect myself."


    I can''t help the giggle that leaves my lips.


    Aidenughs, too, throwing more flour, making sure Zaid gets hit, anyway. The three of us dissolve into chaos, screaming andughing, slipping on the floor as we try to dodge each other''s attacks.


    By the time we''re done, we''re a mess, covered head to toe in flour, sugar, and batter.


    "We need to finish before we clean," I pant, wiping at my face.


    "You need to clean up the mess you made," Zaid says pointedly to Aiden, licking chocte cake batter from my neck.


    Aiden grins. "I think we can pin.this on all three of us."


    We don''t hear the front door open.


    But we do hear when Jake clears his throat.


    Silence falls.


    I turn sharply, my heart lurching when I see Jake standing in the doorway, his


    eyes locked on me, on Zaid''s arm still curled around my waist.


    Shit.


    His expression is unreadable. Zaid doesn''t move, his grip still firm, his body rxed like


    this isn''t anything unusual.


    But I panic.


    Quickly, I step away, clearing my throat.


    "How was your day?" I ask, desperate to break the tension.


    Jake barely looks at me. Instead, he pulls out his phone. "I''m calling the maid to


    clean this up. I''m going to have to give her a big Christmas bonus."


    A Messy Christmas Eve


    I swallow hard and step further away from Zaid, ignoring the guilt twisting in my stomach, ignoring the way Jake looked at me.


    I need to breathe.


    I make up some excuse, then slip away, heading upstairs. Aiden follows, peeling


    off his flour-covered shirt.


    "Shower with me?" he asks.


    I nod.


    As the hot water washes away the mess, Aiden leans his head down to look me over. "Is everything okay?"


    ? It''s on the tip of my tongue to spill everything that has happened between Jake and me, but I hold back. "I just, I''m not sure if I''m ready for this to be public. And your dad... he


    saw Zaid and I."


    Aiden nods like he finally understands my mood. He cups my face and kisses me gently on the forehead. "We''ll go at your pace, baby."


    I frown. "Do you think that''s fair? To Zaid?"


    Aiden ces his hands on my shoulders and spins me around, his hands massaging my head. "Maybe not, but there''s a lot we will have to learn as we go. I imagine we will all feel that things are unfair at certain times."


    I nod at that. "Maybe."


    We finish washing, Aiden taking advantage to make sure his fingers touch every single inch of my skin. I''m thrumming by the time we step out, but he doesn''t push me for more and I do not ask him for more.


    He kisses me goodnight and then I find myself walking down the hall, stopping in front of


    Zaid''s door.


    I take in a breath and knock.

 Chapter 101

    A Secret


    My heart hammers in my chest as I hear the click of the doorknob. It only takes a second before Zaid''s door swings open.


    I can feel my breath hitch in my throat and he just stands there, staring at me like


    I''m at ghost. His dark eyes flick over me, from my face to my toes.


    It''s slow, deliberate, hot. His jaw tightens, and I lick my lips as it draws my attention.


    "Can I..." I hesitate, my voice quieter than I intended. "Can I spend the night with you?"


    He doesn''t answer immediately, and I press my lips together, wrapping my arms around myself, suddenly unsure. Should I just walk away?


    His frown is slight, but it''s there, barely noticeable if I weren''t so attuned to him. He watches me for a long second, those dark eyes melting my insides. Then he exhales through his nose and steps aside, pushing the door open wider.


    I walk in, feeling the heat of his presence behind me as the door clicks shut. The silence


    settles around us is almost too much to bear. He walks around me, toward his bed, where he begins to pick up the books he has scattered across it.


    I take in his appearance. His damp hair, the way his grey sweatpants sit low on his hips, the faint sheen of water still clinging to his skin. My gaze drifts lower, tracing the jagged


    scars that stretch from his abdomen to his back and over his shoulder des.


    I swallow hard and finally break the silence. "You''re upset."


    Zaid shrugs, shaking his head.


    "You are."


    "Why would I be upset?" His voice is t, carefully neutral.


    I hesitate before whispering, "I''m sorry I pulled away from you."


    He stiffens, keeping his gaze locked onto the floor.


    My fingers tighten around the fabric of my shirt. "I just... I''m not sure I want your father


    A Secret


    to know."


    He snaps his gaze to me and something flickers in his eyes. He huffs out a bitterugh, shaking his head. "Why?" he asks, his tone edged in frustration.


    I part my lips, but how am I supposed to answer that? I don''t want Jake to know because he has been begging me to let him in, too.


    "Am I not good enough for you?" His jaw tightens as he watches me.


    I blink at him. "What?"


    "Are you afraid of tarnishing your reputation by being with the bad brother?"


    I inhale sharply. "No, Zaid. That''s not it."


    "Then what is it?" His voice is quiet, but there''s an intensity in it, a weight.


    There''s a sea of uncertainty and insecurity in his eyes and my chest aches. I want to take


    it away;


    I want to reassure him that I don''t feel like that at all. The pain in his eyes steals my breath and I find no words.


    ¡°Because from where I''m standing, it feels like you''re willing to keep me hidden while you


    get to have Aiden out in the open."


    I shake my head, feeling my chest tighten. "No, Zaid. No. It''s just that -I don''t know how to navigate this."


    His chest is heaving, his nostrils ring, but he says nothing.


    "I''ve never been in a rtionship like this before, with two people. And I don''t know how to handle the judging. I don''t know if I can."


    His eyes darken. "And what? You think keeping me a secret is the solution?" "I just need time."


    He frowns. "I can understand you needing time to be with the both of us out in public. But this is my father."


    I stare at him. This is so much moreplicated than he thinks. Part of me just wants to


    spill everything.


    Zaid exhales roughly, running a hand through his damp hair before looking at me again. "You think my father has a say in who I''m with? In who you or Aiden are with?"


    4 shake my head.


    His voice is quieter now, but no less intense. "One day, you''re going to have to tell him.


    Tell everyone."


    Oh my god, he''s right. Jake will have to know eventually, and Aiden and Zaid will have to know eventually, too. This is all going to blow up in my face.


    I think Zaid can see the fear in my eyes because he flinches. "Do you n to have


    me hidden? Only be with me in secret while you walk around with Aiden?"


    His words cut deep because I don''t want that. I want him.


    I want Aiden.


    I want Jake.


    This is all too much.


    Tears fill my eyes, and that has him moving.


    "Shit, love," he cups my face, rubbing his thumbs on my cheeks. "I''m sorry."


    My lips tremble. "I don''t- I don''t want to hide you."


    His jaw clenches, eyes scanning my face.


    "But do you think people won''t talk? That they won''t treat us differently? This isn''t exactly a normal rtionship.¡± The wordse out of me and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from adding the fact that Jake would be another added taboo,


    He leans in close, his lips brushing mine. "We can''t stop them, my love. We can only choose what we do. Either you will have to choose one of us, or you will have


    to face the judgement of being with both of us."


    I don''t want to choose, but I don''t get the chance to tell him that because he kisses me.


    A Secret


    His lips move around in slow,forting kisses.


    My skin lights up, but then the soreness from my ass and my pussy suddenlyes to life. I pull away, breathing heavily against this chest.


    His thumbs rub the skin behind my ears, soft and tender, careful and absolutely exquisite. "Can we can we just sleep tonight?"


    His body tenses, and a low rumble sounds in his chest. Still, he nods and pulls me toward the bed. In silence, we settle in and as soon as he turns off themp at his bedside, he


    reaches for me.


    His arms wrap around me and he preses my chest to his, cing my leg around his waist. The warmth from his body seeps into me, and I rx enough to have my eyes closing on


    their own.


    Zaid''s fingers draw circles on my back, drawing goosebumps from my skin.


    mean


    Wey there like that for a few minutes before I break the silence. "What did you


    mean when you said that I''ll understand?"


    Zaid stiffens, his breath catching in his throat. "What?"


    I shift, looking up at him. "That night...when you said I had to say the words for


    you to... for you to have sex with me?"


    His eyes are burning into me, hungry tension bringing them to life.


    "You said that I would understand. What does that mean?"


    He swallows so thickly that I can hear it. His brow is in a frown and he shakes his


    head softly. ¡°I''ll tell you when you understand."


    I roll my eyes, but I don''t push any further. I bury myself in his chest and fall


    asleep to


    the sound of his heartbeat.

 Chapter 102

    Beautiful


    Warmth. That''s the first thing I register when I wake up. The steady rise and fall of a chest beneath my cheek, theforting weight of an arm wrapped around me.


    I snuggle into him, breathing him in. The sound of his heartbeat lulls me into a few more moments of peace. It''s so strong, grounding.


    I love the sound of it.


    Zaid shifts slightly, and I tilt my head up just as he presses a soft kiss to my forehead.


    "Good morning," he murmurs, his voice thick with sleep. His dark eyes meet mine, azy smirk tugging at his lips.


    I smile back at him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Good morning."


    "You look beautiful,¡± He says as he runs his thumb down my cheek.


    snort,ughing as I stretch against him. "Yeah, right. I''m sure bedhead and morning breath are so attractive."


    He doesn''t argue, just watches me like he really does think I look beautiful. I be self-conscious, shifting my gaze away from him. He brings me back to him with his finger on my chin.


    "You''re perfect."


    Warmth spreads through me, and I suddenly forget how to breathe. He watches my features with a smirk on his face. "You really do look pretty in red."


    The words are muttered under his breath, and I know hementing on my blush and reminding me of that day we met for the first time. I inhale shakily, watching as he bes uncertain.


    We sit up, and he runs his hands through his already messy hair. I frown as he stands and walks to his closet.


    "Zaid?"


    Beautiful


    He doesn''t answer right away. I can hear him rummaging through some things as I sit and wait.


    When he walks back out, he has something tucked in his hands. He runs his fingers over the fabric.


    I sit up fully, my breath catching when I see what he''s holding.


    A dress.


    A short, red dress, the silk shimmering under the lighting from the window.


    My heart stutters as I nce from the dress in his hands to his dark eyes. "What''s this?"


    Zaid exhales, his grip tightening slightly before he hands it to me. "I saw it in a shop window downtown. And I thought you''d look beautiful in it."


    His words hit me, and I blink at him. He thought of me.


    My fingers tremble slightly as I take the dress from him, smoothing my hands over


    it. My chest feels tight, my throat thick. "You got this for me?"


    He nods once, a little stiff. "You don''t have to wear it if you don''t want to. I don''t really even know if it''s something you would wear. It just-"


    I drop the dress onto the bed without thinking, pushing myself up onto my knees.


    My arms wrap around his neck as I pull him down into a kiss.


    I can tell that it catches him by surprised. He stiffens, his hands still twisting in front of him. For that moment, he lost all pretense of confidence. He was unsure if I would like the dress.


    At this point, that''s the least of my worries. I would wear a potato sack if he bought me one. As long as it''s me he''s thinking of.


    I move my lips against his, taking in the way he slowly melts into me, the way his shoulders lose their tension and the way he wraps his arms around my waist.


    He lets out a quiet moan and the second his fingers skim the skin of my hips, my clites to life.


    Beautiful


    I want more.


    I need more.


    But just as my fingers slide into his hair, he presses gently at my waist, breaking


    the kiss. I blink up at him, my breath unsteady.


    Zaid shakes his head, amusement flickering in his gaze. "It''s Christmas."


    I nod, but there are zero thoughts in my head.


    He chuckles, low and warm. "We have a lot of things to do today."


    I blink.


    He wipes the wetness from my lips. "We have to help Jake cook. Eat. And then


    we can open presents."


    I look down at the dress with a frown. "Is this my present from you?"


    He licks his bottom lip and shakes his head. "No."


    My eyebrows lift. "What?"


    "You''ll have to wait."


    My stomach coils, my heart racing in my chest. He lets me go, helping me off the


    bed, and that''s when the realization hits me like a ton of bricks.


    The words are out of my lips before I can stop myself. "This is the first time I celebrate Christmas without my Alex. Without my dad."


    Zaid''s gaze softens when he sees the shift in my expression, when he hears the panic in my voice. He cups my face, swallowing. "My first without my mom."


    My lips tremble and I close my eyes, using Zaid''s strength to give myself just this moment to fall apart inside.


    Zaid holds me as the memories bombard my mind. As I remember the gifts, the pranks, the absolutely terrible singing.


    3.33 cm


    Beautiful


    A sad chuckle escapes me.


    "We''re not moving on," Zaid whispers. "We''re not forgetting them.


    I force a nod, swallowing against the sharp ache in my chest.


    "But we have to start living for ourselves and not their memories. We can start our own traditions."


    That sounds beautiful. A way to heal the pain in our hearts.


    I kiss him in the jaw, reaching for the dress and heading toward the door. He''s at


    my back, his heat seeping into me, and I never want him to leave me. I want his heat close to me, always.


    "I want you in all of my new traditions," I whisper. I don''t look back at him; I walk out and make my way toward my room.


    Zaid doesn''t stop me. But I can feel his eyes on me; I can feel the way he looks at me. He makes me feel like the most coveted thing in the world.

 Chapter 103

    A Thousand Words-1


    I''m so tired at this point.


    The warmth from dinner still lingers in the air, and I can smell the scent of roasted meat and cinnamon. My half-eaten slice of pie sits on the coffee table and I lean closer into Aiden''s side.


    We ate too much, and now the four of us have all settled in the living room. The chaos of cooking and eating has finally died down and now we''re watching the lights on the Christmas tree in silence.


    They twinkle and light music ys in the background.


    Zaid is on my other side, so I am perfectly tucked between the two of them. The heat of their bodies keeps me warm despite the way my short red dress barely covers my legs.


    I''m still reeling from the fact that Zaid bought it for me, that he thought of me when he saw it. And judging by the way his thigh presses against mine, the subtle way his fingers trace absentminded patterns on the couch near my hand, he''s been admiring it all night.


    I grab onto the hem of my dress, imagining that it is Zaid''s fingers that brush my skin.


    Aiden has an arm draped over my shoulders, his fingers brushing against my corbone as he leans in and presses a kiss to the side of my head. "You look so damn sexy," he murmurs against my ear, his lips barely brushing my skin. "And I can''t wait to get you out of this dress tonight."


    Heat floods my cheeks, spreading down my neck.


    Across from me, Jake clears his throat and takes a slow sip of his whiskey. I nce at him, my stomach flipping at the way his gaze flickers over my legs, dark and intense. He''s been watching me all night. Hungry. And god, am I hungry for him, too.


    He sets his ss down and leans forward, stretching to grab a small box from under the tree. "Time to open presents."


    I smile, still basking in the warmth of the moment, until Jake turns and hands the small box directly to me.


    A Thousand Words-1


    I blink, my smile faltering. "Wait, what?"


    He looks down at the box, then at me.


    "This is for me?" I stammer.


    Jake nods, his expression unreadable.


    Aiden lets out a low whistle. "Damn, Dad. That''s nice of you."


    My mouth is still slightly open in shock as I carefully unwrap the box. The moment


    I lift the lid, my breath catches.


    A pair of stunning, glistening diamond earrings sit nestled in ck velvet, catching the glow of the Christmas tree lights. My fingers shake as I touch them, my heart hammering in my chest.


    ¡°Jake-this is too much," I whisper, shaking my head. "I can''t ept this."


    Jake takes another slow sip of his whiskey before setting it down, leveling me with a firm gaze. "As long as you''re a Matthews girl, you''ll have whatever you want and need."


    The weight of his words sinks deep into my bones. He isn''t just talking about the earrings. He isn''t talking about me as his son''s girlfriend; his meaning is so much


    more.


    I swallow hard, nodding slightly, though I can feel the heat crawling up my neck. Before I can say anything else, Aiden gets up and grabs another present from under the tree, grinning as he hands it to me.


    "Here you go, baby."


    I take it with trembling fingers, carefully unwrapping the box. My stomach tightens


    as I pull out a delicate gold ne, and a piece of silky, barely there lingerie.


    My cheeks me as I quickly shove the lingerie back into the box, my pulse roaring in my


    ears.

 Chapter 104

    A Thousand Words-2


    Aiden chuckles from beside me, his fingers at my corbone dropping lower until he grazes the top of my breast.


    Jake clicks his tongue, his voice sharp. "Aiden, don''t be inappropriate."


    But when I look at him, his expression isn''t just disapproving. It''s jealous. His fingers are white from how hard he grips onto the ss in his hands.


    I force a small smile and turn to Aiden, holding up the ne. "Thank you. It''s


    beautiful."


    I press a soft kiss to his lips, trying to ignore the weight of Jake''s stare and thecey garment still in the box.


    Then Zaid stands, retrieving a bigger box from under the tree. When he hands it to me, I frown, ncing at him.


    He just nods toward it, silently urging me to open it.


    I do. And the moment I see what''s inside, my heart stops.


    A painting.


    Not just any painting. One of his paintings. My father''s.


    A strangled sound escapes my throat as I cover my mouth, tears instantly pricking my


    eyes. I trace my fingers over the canvas, over the familiar strokes, the shades of color I remember watching him mix when I was a little girl. "I¡ªI thought my mom got rid of them all after he died."


    Zaid shifts closer, his voice soft. "She didn''t."


    I let out a quiet sob beforeunching myself into his arms, holding onto him like


    he just handed me a piece of my soul. "Thank you."


    He rubs slow circles on my back, his fingers gentle, grounding.


    When I finally pull away, he wipes the tears from my cheeks with careful hands, dark eyes


    A Thousand Words 2


    watching me like I am everything to him. My gaze flickers to jake, who is watching me with narrowed eyes, his jaw tight.


    Zaid clears his throat, nodding toward thest gift under the tree. "That one''s for you,


    too."


    1 blink. "Wait-what?"


    I get up, moving toward the tree and picking up thest present. They were all for me?


    Swallowing hard, I unwrap the box and open it. The moment I see what''s inside, warmth spreads through my chest.


    A sketchbook. Embroidered with my name, and a set of charcoal pencils.


    My vision blurs slightly as I stare down at them, my fingers running over the cover.


    I snap my gaze to Zaid, a thousand emotions rushing through me at once. A


    thousand words I want to say.


    "Thank you," I whisper, my voice raw.


    Zaid just nods, his gaze holding mine for a long, quiet moment.


    I exhale sharply and nce between the three of them, guilt creeping into my


    chest. "I feel bad. I didn''t get anything for you guys."


    Aiden grins, leaning back against the couch. "You''re my gift, baby."


    Zaid gives me a subtle nod in agreement.


    Jake, on the other hand, runs his tongue across his teeth, his jaw clenching.


    Then, without a word, he abruptly stands and leaves the room.


    I watch him go, my chest tightening.


    Minutester, Zaid, Aiden, and I are in the kitchen,zily eating ice cream straight


    from the bucket as we clean up.


    I yawn, stretching. "I think I''m gonna head to bed. I''m really tired."


    They both look at me expectantly.


    A Thousand Words-2


    I huff out a soft chuckle. "Alone."


    They look at each other, disappointed but they nod.


    I press a kiss to each of their lips and whisper goodnight before heading to my


    room.


    But the moment I close the door behind me, it creaks open again.


    I turn, and Jake steps inside, shutting the door behind him.

 Chapter 105

    You''re Mine-1


    My breath catches and my mouth dries.


    He clicks the lock behind him, his eyes trailing every inch of my body. I''m still wearing the dress Zaid gifted me in the morning. It fits me like a glove and by the way Jake is watching me, it''s a big hit.


    I swallow, hands trembling. "Jake, what are you doing here?"


    "You''re going to tell Aiden about us, right?"


    I nod, my entire body shaking.


    He sighs, as if relieved, and steps toward me. He slowly lifts his hands, his fingers grazing my shoulders as he shoves the spaghetti straps of my dress down my


    arms.


    "Then one more night wouldn''t hurt," He whispers so close to me, his lips grazing the skin of my cheek. My body breaks out into goosebumps and Jake watches with dted


    eyes.


    My stomach coils, hunger striking between my legs. I kept myself to my word of celibacy for 24 hours; I could break it for Jake. I lift my arms, letting my straps fall down to my wrists, my dress following down my waist after.


    It pools at my feet, leaving me in nothing but my thong and my high heels. A pained expression passes through his eyes and he runs a thumb over my nipple.


    It pebbles beneath his attention and he breathes in. "You are the sexiest little thing I''ve


    ever seen."


    I cup his cheeks, forcing his eyes to mine. "Jake, this is thest time. Please. I will tell


    Aiden. I will. And you can you can have me after that, but please give me some time."


    He nods, a sadness hooding his eyes, jaw clenching. "As hard as it is, I can be patient."


    "You said New Years."


    He nods.


    You''re Mine 1


    "Give me until then."


    "After tonight," he swallows.


    "After tonight," I whisper, and then I lift myself onto the tips of my toes and kiss him. His arms wrap around me and he pulls me in, lifting me until my legs are around his waist and he walks me to my bed.


    I moan, holding onto him as he lowers us both, him on top of me. He touches me, fingers caressing my skin, my ribs, the skin on my lower back. Ie to life with a tense need.


    "Jake," I whisper. "I need you."


    He moans, gripping my knees to spread my legs apart. His fingers slide down my legs, and then they''re slipping under my thong. He parts my lower lips,ing in contact with my clit and I gasp, holding on tight to his shirt to pull him in closer.


    "So wet, baby."


    I nod. "For you."


    His teeth nip at my neck, the stubbles from his beard tickling my throat. The smell


    of his skin fills me with need, the pads of his fingers thick and attentive to the pleasure building


    between my legs.


    He pulls away and I''m left heaving for breath, trembling. "Jake?"


    He smiles down at me, licking his lip beforepletely stepping away from the bed. I sit up to watch him as he goes to my desk and picks up the little box he gifted me. I swallow, the heat in my belly coiling and I move until I''m sitting on the edge of the bed.


    "You know, when I saw these," He whispers as he makes his way back to me. "I imagined you wearing them."


    He stands in front of me, his hand cupping my cheek.


    "Nothing but them."


    I clench my legs together and a beautifully devastating smile lifts his lips. God, he''s so easy to look at. "Then put them on me."


    You''re Mine-1


    His smile grows, and he caresses my ear, the touch so sensual as he ces the earring there. He repeats the motion with the other and then stands between my legs, fingers brushing the inside of my thigh as he takes his time to look at me.


    "If I could have you like this, waiting for me every night in my bed, then I would be the happiest man in the world."

 Chapter 106

    You''re Mine-2


    The ache in the pit of my stomach turns sharp, pulsing in my chest. Was it normal to react so strongly to whispered words?


    He keeps his eyes on me, eyes gleaming with his satisfaction at my reaction. He runs his hands up my thighs until he grips my thong, pulling it down my legs and heels. I''m trembling with the anticipation, my pussy clenching nothingness in preparation to grip


    his cock.


    Jake looks down at my pussy, eyes melting and turning soft at the sight. "This will never get old," he mutters under his breath.


    My skin breaks out in goosebumps and he steps away, taking his clothes off until he''s naked in front of me. My mouth waters, body tightening as his cock juts out, hard and


    thick.


    When he returns to him, his body heat seeps into me and I let my breath escape me''in a needy moan. His nostrils re. "Look down."


    "What?"


    "I want you to watch me fuck you. Want you to see your pussy taking my cock."


    I drip from his words and the moment I lower my eyes to between my legs, he presses the head of his cock to my entrance. I whimper, my chest heaving.


    He pushes in slightly, and my cheeks heat as I watch him slowly disappear inside me. Inch by inch, he pushes in. Inch by inch, my pussy stretches to take him. Inch by inch, the pleasure in the pit of my stomach reaches a new height.


    When he''s seated all the way inside me, balls hitting my ass cheeks, he moans. "Tell me


    you''re mine."


    My mouth is dry, but I want to say the words, regardless. When I don''t speak right away, his hand grips my throat, his fingers slightly pressing into my skin.


    "Alina."


    "I-I''m yours." Hot streaks of pleasure run through me as soon as the words are out of my


    You''re Mine-2


    lips.


    And then he fucks me.


    No, that doesn''t seem right. He...he thrusts into me, slow and long. His eyes never leave mine and his hand remains around my throat. He never picks up the pace, and he never


    ys with my clit.


    I feel every single inch of him with every thrust. The orgasm is slow, taking minutes of his hips pulsing to even get me near the edge. When he notices my breath picking up and my toes curling, he lifts his hand from my throat.


    He cups my cheeks and presses his lips to mine, tongue delving into my mouth. His kiss is messy, devouring, hungry, but his thrusts remain slow and even.


    My legs tremble, the pleasure almost painful. "Jake-"


    "I''m close, too, baby."


    I nod against his lips, closing my eyes to let the sensation, the feel of him, take overpletely. The only thing I need is for him to be closer, so I wrap my arms around his


    neck and pull him in until our chests are pressed against each other.


    The heat of his skin is what brings me over. Ie, kissing him to muffle the cry leaving


    my lips. Jake grunts, his thrusts finally faltering before he stiffens and hot cum fills my


    insides.


    We pull apart panting and I hiss when he pulls out of me. He chuckles, shaking his head. "Fuck, I love seeing my cum spill out of your pussy. But we should really talk about using


    condoms."


    I grimace, understanding the reasoning behind that, but I can''t imagine this feeling the


    same with a condom between us. "I don''t want to."


    He moans, thumbs caressing the inside of my thighs and nearing my lower lips. ¡°I don''t want to either baby, but-"


    "Let''s talk about itter," I whisper, wrapping my arms round his neck and pulling him down to lie beside me.


    You''re Mine-2


    1 wrap his arms around my waist and bury my face in his chest. It only takes minutes before I fall asleep, and in the morning when I wake, I wake up alone. Chapter Comments


    4


    POST COMMENT NOW

 Chapter 107

    Terrible Liar


    I take my time in the shower, letting the hot water turn my skin red.


    When I''m practically pruned all over, I step out and dry myself, grabbing the clothes I had brought in from my room. My bra and underwear are mismatched, and I roll my eyes as I look at myself in the mirror.


    Jake had told me all those weeks ago that he would look for them but he never said anything else about them. My jeans are tight, and I suck in my belly to pull the zipper up. When I go back to reach for my shirt, I click my tongue.


    Shit, I forgot my shirt in my room.


    I stick my head out of the bathroom and when it''s all clear, I quickly make my way down to hall to my room. I set my hand on the doorknob when I feel a chill down my spine.


    Immediately, I know it''s Zaid.


    I twist my head to the end of the hallway, tensing when I catch him looking at me. He tilts his head, a slow smirk lifting his lips. I wrap my arms around myself to hide from his perusal.


    He makes me hot, wanting, but I will not be the first to cave. His eyes drop to my chest, to my ckcey bra.


    Then his entire expression changes. His eyes grow dark, and that smirk leaves his lips, reced with a shocked, parted mouth.


    His eyes flinch as he takes me in, his chest heaving. That stare of his bears into me and I hate the way he''s looking at me, like I''m some alien, a monster he cannot stand to be in


    the same room with.


    He turns from me quickly and heads back into his room. I shake the awkward encounter from my head and step into my room. I find my shirt on my bed and reach for it.


    I barely touch it when the door to my room ms open. Zaid stands there, hands in fists and red-faced. "Does Aiden know?"


    I frown at him. "What?"


    Terrible Liar


    "Does Aiden know?" There''s a wide-eyed look on his face and it''s freaking me out.


    I shake my head, lifting my hands to show him how confused I am. "Know what?" "That you slept with our dad?"


    Oh, God. No. No, no, no.


    My heart stops. My breath catches in my throat, and for a split second, I wonder if I''ve heard him wrong.


    But the way he''s looking at me, dark eyes sharp, arms crossed, his jaw clenched so tight I can almost hear his teeth grinding, tells me that I''m not misinterpreting a damn thing. He


    knows.


    The first thing thates to mind is to deny. Deny. Deny. Deny.


    "I didn''t-"


    He steps toward me, eyes narrow and nostrils ring. "We''ve been over this. You''re a terrible liar, Alina."


    My entire body flushes with heat, mortification, guilt, panic. I open my mouth, but nothinges out. I''m frozen in ce.


    Shit. "But I didn''t-"


    "I am not asking you if you slept with him. I know you did. I''m asking you if Aiden knows."


    Zaid doesn''t move, but his features begin to soften as he looks at me. Maybe he can see how bad I feel, the guilt tthat''seating me alive and the relief to finally have someone else


    know.


    "He doesn''t," I whisper, running a hand down my arm.


    Zaid''s lips press into a thin line, and for a moment, he just stares at me. Then he swipes a hand down his face, sighing like he''s holding back everything he wants to throw at me. "Are you going to tell him?"


    "Are you?" I whisper.


    The wight of the dam is suffocating, and my hands tremble as I try to keep my breathing study) tip mini face for an excuse, a way out of this conversation, but I know there isn''t


    Per desent''t say anything.


    1.Tandlow my wies cracking. "I will


    Let''s que hardens. "When?"


    ¡°..... ¡°I stammer, but it sounds pathetic, even to my own ears.


    246 cuffs, taking his head. Tesus, Alina."


    ¡°FEZE," I STES forward, grabbing his wrist. "Please, don''t tell him. I will tell him, I swear. Be it has to be me, Zaid. It has toe from me."


    The drea''s pull away, but he doesn''t soften either. His muscles are tense under my touch, and the frustration radiating off him is palpable. "He deserves the truth."


    [roes, "I favour. I just I don''t know how. How do I look at Aiden and tell him that I''ve


    slept with his fathe


    The quiries and eyebrow eyes narrowing. "You think that''s what''s going to bother him?"


    Why heat hammers in my chest. "What do you mean?"


    The already know tiden has no problem sharing, but you''ve been lying to him," Zaid says, his voice firm but not unkind.


    m I whisper


    He muties me for a long moment, his dark eyes searching mine. The silence stretches Between us, until finally, he exhales and pulls his wrist free to cup my face. "I meant it when I said that you were in charge here. Everything we do is up to you."


    My cheches tum hot, my stomach coiling.


    The don''t lie to us


    Se most dries. It it doesn''t bother you?"


    Ewant you to be happy. He whispers.


    315


    Terrible Liar


    I nod, relief flooding through me. "I want you all to be happy, too."


    Zaid watches me, and he steps closer, our bodies stered against each other. "H-how did you know?" I ask.


    He smirks, that arrogant and beautiful Zaid back in full force. "Check my pocket."


    I frown, reaching into it and pulling out my underwear. The ones that went missing when I spent the day with Jake. His eyes caress my face, no doubt watching as the blush crawls


    across my cheeks and how my jaw drops.


    "Thece matches your bra."


    I look down, exhaling as I understand the connection he made.


    "Our maid put it in my room, assuming it was from one of my conquests."


    I swallow.


    "But I heard you and him that day, before you left.¡±


    My eyes widen, and I look at him with shock running through me.


    He smiles. "I didn''t know it was you then, but now I know it was."


    "I''m kind of embarrassed," I whisper.


    He chuckles. "Don''t be."


    I look up at him, and he takes advantage, gripping the back of my neck.


    "Can I ask something of you?" He asks, eyes melted.


    I nod.


    He blows out a stream of air and turns from me, grabbing my hand so that I follow


    him as


    he does.

 Chapter 108

    Finally


    Zaid walks in front of me, and I watch as the muscles in his back contract and tense.


    He''s the perfect height, the perfect build. My mouth waters as I look at him, and though I am highly aware that I am still in my bra, I reinforce my decision to not be the one that


    caves.


    He opens the door to his room and looks at me, waiting for me to stop inside. I do, and as soon as he follows, the soft click of the lock echoes in my mind.


    I turn to him, tilting my head, stomach coiling. "What do you need?"


    He exhales deeply, dragging a hand through his dark hair before leveling me with


    a look so intense it sends heat rushing through my veins. "I just realized something."


    I nod, licking my lips. "Yeah?"


    "I''m the only one that hasn''t been inside you."


    The confession ms into me, knocking the air from my lungs. My bodyes alive, my skin tingling in awareness, in want. I feel the pool of wetness between my legs and I know without a doubt that he has me in the palm of his hands.


    I would do anything he asked me to.


    I swallow, my lips parting slightly as I meet his gaze. "Are you finally going to fuck me,


    Zaid?"


    He hisses, eyes devouring me in a slow sweep over my body. His lips twitch into a small, knowing smirk. He steps closer, his fingers grazing along my jaw before tracing down the column of my throat, setting me on fire in the process.


    He nods. "Finally."


    A shiver rolls through me, anticipation coiling tight in my stomach. I don''t move, don''t breathe, just wait as his fingers slide to my chin, tilting my face up. His gaze flickers to my lips, and he closes the space between us.


    The first brush of his lips against mine is soft, testing, like he''s savoring the moment, but


    Finally


    the second touch? It''s fire. It''s a iming. His hands settle on my hips, pulling me flush against him, and I melt into him, my fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt to keep myself upright.


    A quiet groan rumbles in his chest as he deepens the kiss, his tongue sweeping against mine in a slow, devastating caress that has my knees threatening to give out.


    He catches me, lifting me in his arms before dropping us both onto the bed.


    By the time he pulls away, I''m breathless, my lips tingling, my entire body humming with want. He presses his forehead against mine, his breath warm against my skin.


    My heart rate spikes, his fingers trailing down my stomach until he reaches the button of my jeans. I close my eyes, moaning. "Please tell me you won''t stop this time."


    He smiles. "I won''t."


    He unzips my pants, pushing them down my hips. I help, sliding them off my legs and he follows with my underwear. His hands explore my skin and he reaches behind my back to


    utch my bra.


    I''m naked, bare, trembling and hot.


    Zaid watches me, eyes dark andnguid as he takes me in. With his arm around my waist, his lips touch mine, and the world tilts.


    It pulls from the center of me and spreads like wildfire. My breath catches, my fingers instinctively fisting his shirt, needing to hold on to something solid, something real,


    because right now, I feel like I might shatter.


    I''ve been waiting for this moment for so long that now that it''s in front of me, I''m shaking.


    Zaid pulls away, hands gripping my waist, fingers caressing the scars from my ident. "I need you to rx, love. Can you do that for me?"


    I nod, though I feel like I can''t.


    He slowly lowers himself, gripping my thighs to keep my legs parted. I lift myself onto my elbows to watch him, to make sure I know that this is real. His eyes stay on mine,


    3:36


    Finally


    transfixed on my face even as his breath fans across my pussy.


    I gasp, his tonguepping at my clit.


    "Zaid," I whine.


    He gives me one final smirk and buries his face between my legs. My back arches and I close my eyes, letting his touch do the work to bring me over the edge. I grasp onto his hair, writhing my hips against his mouth.


    I''m panting, chasing my orgasm so that he can finally fuck me like he promised. His tongue circles my clit in teasing, short spurts and I ride his face faster. I;m out of breath, focusing on the pleasure he builds inside me.


    This is Zaid. Zaid between my legs, eating me like he''s never tasted a woman before.


    He inserts a finger inside me and my pussy walls contract around him. I scream, legs trembling as Ie all over his lips. He chuckles, pressing kisses to my clit, my lips, my


    inner thighs,


    I drop back on the bed, catching my breath as he moves up to lie beside me. He kisses my neck, running his tongue down my chest until he bites my nipple.


    I hiss. "Zaid, please. I want you inside me, please."


    He pulls away, looking at me with a tortured look on his face. For a moment, I think he''s going to pull away all over again. Instead, he cups my face and brings me in close, kissing


    letting me taste myself on his tongue.


    me,


    He pulls back again just enough to look at me, his thumb brushing over my cheek, and I swear I see the entire world in his dark eyes. It''s terrifying.


    He rolls off the bed and I watch him, close to crying for him denying me his touch


    again. But he opens the drawer of his bedside table, pulling out lube and a plug bigger than the other two he had put in me before.

 Chapter 109

    Lose Myself-1


    "I need you to rx," Zaid whispers into my ear.


    We''reying on our sides, facing each other. My leg is over his waist and his hand reaches


    behind me to my ass, where he is pressing the plug into. I grip onto his shoulders as I hiss. Even with all the lube, it''s a tight fit.


    "It''s too big," I shake my head, pressing my forehead to his.


    He smiles, kissing my cheek and then my jaw. "How do you expect me to fuck you if you can''t take this? I''m much bigger."


    I lift my eyes to his, heat crawling up my cheeks. Oh god, he is so much bigger. He pushes it in a little more and I tense.


    Zaid watches me, eyes sharp and dark. He smirks and says. "Alright, serious question."


    I blink, thrown off. "What?"


    He pushes in the plug another inch and I gasp, tensing. He stops and tilts his head. "If


    you had to fight a hundred duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck, which would you pick?"


    I just blink at him. My mind struggles to catch up with the sheer absurdity of what just came out of his mouth. "Are you-what?"


    "Think about it," he says, like this is a perfectly normal thing to discuss in the middle of


    something like this.


    I chuckle, and he takes advantage, pushing it in another inch. I try to keep myself untense, understanding what he is doing.


    His eyes still watch mine carefully, a smile lifting his lips. "A horse-sized duck would be horrifying. But a hundred tiny horses? That''s an army. They might be able to bring you


    down."


    I exhale a small, disbelievingugh, and I feel my entire body rx. "That''s the


    dumbest question I''ve ever heard. I can''t believe you''re doing this."


    Lose Myself-1


    He purses his lips together, frowning. "That''s not an answer."


    I shake my head, my fingers digging into the skin of his shoulders. "I have to think about


    it."


    He lifts an eyebrow. "Really?"


    I frown. "Yeah, what would you choose?"


    He rolls his eyes. "That''s cheating."


    Iugh. "Cheating? This is all a bit ridiculous."


    He smiles, wide, enchanting. "Is it?"


    He brings his hands between us, and immediately I feel the pressure in my ass. I''m stretched wide. It''s a tad ufortable, but it''s inside me. I''m full.


    Like a switch, my mind and my body connect.


    A broken gasp leaves my lips and I hold on to the cor of his shirt, pulling him closer. My pussy is clenching, begging for his attention. I can''t help but grind against his pants.


    He chuckles, his hands caressing my ribs, down to my waist, and then my hips. "Zaid," I huskily whisper.


    He presses kisses down my bellybutton. "Does it feel good to have your ass full?"


    I nod, pushing his head down until he''s between my legs again. His breath fans every inch of my lips, of the inside of my thighs, and his shoulders shake with silentughter.


    "Fuck, you''re so wet."


    I hear... hear himp at my pussy. My wetness sticking to his tongue and smacking


    against his lips. The sound only turns me on more, makes me more desperate for relief. As


    I grind against his face, the plug in my ass pushes in and slides out, building that beautiful pain in the pit of my stomach.


    I feel my inner walls start to contract and I cry out, but then Zaid pulls away.


    Lose Myself-1


    "Fuck, Zaid! Please."


    He crawls up my body, shaking his head. "When youe again, I want to be inside you."


    Oh god, that sounds... perfect.


    He kisses my neck and then pulls away entirely. He stands beside the bed and slowly undresses for me. I moan, my eyes taking in the feast of naked flesh before me. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.


    My eyes drop to his erection and my eyes widen. "Zaid, I can''t... you can''t... that won''t


    fit."


    He grips the base of it, pumping it once. "You can take me, love."


    My nostrils re and my ass clenches around the plug. "You think so?"


    He nods, the tension in his body, reaching an all-time high. "I was making us wait,


    because I didn''t want you to think that it''s all about sex for me."


    My eyes lift from his cock to his eyes, noting the sincerity in his dark pupils.


    "You want me?" He asks, almost unsure of himself.


    I nod fervently. "Yes. I think I always have."

 Chapter 110

    Lose Myself-2


    His shoulders drop in obvious relief, and he nears me again. He watches me, cing his hands on my hips as he flips me onto my hands and knees. I hear him draw in a breath and then feel him prod at the plug in my ass.


    "Breathe out, love."


    When I do, he pulls it out. It''s slow, ufortable, but beneath it all is a hum of eroticism that has my clit pulsing and my pussy weeping. I hear the thud as he drops it on the bed and then I feel his fingers on the rim of my asshole, spreading fresh new lube.


    I sigh, the coolness soothing to my skin.


    You tell me when it''s too much, okay?"


    I nod, adjusting my legs so that I can spread myself wider.


    "We''ll go at your pace. You''re in control."


    I nod again, gripping the sheets when I feel him push in slightly. It burns and tears prick the back of my eyes.


    "Breathe, love," he grunts, and I can tell he is on the edge of his own control.


    I bury my face in the pillow and take another inch before I stop him with my hand on his hip. "Zaid."


    "It''s okay." He stills, giving me a second to adjust.


    Although it seems impossible because my muscles want to contract, they want to close, but Zaid''s cock is in the way.


    "Fuck," he mutters behind me. "Fuck, love."


    I breathe out and drop my hand from his hip. He takes that as his sign and he pushes in more. We go on like that for a few more minutes until he''s fully inside


    me.


    I''m moaning, groaning, breathing in hard pants as my muscles adjust to having something so hard and think inside me.


    Lose Myself 2


    "Fucking hell," Zaid moan, his hips twitching behind me. "I''m not sure how much I''ll


    "Just..." I pant, pushing my hips back. ¡°Just move, Zaid. Make mee.''


    His hands grip my waist and they move down until he cups my pussy. I scream when hees in contact with my clit. It''s so sensitive, seeking out his touch so strongly that it is almost too much.


    He plunges two fingers inside me, and presses two others to my clit, both of his hands paying attention to my pussy as he begins to thrust into my asshole.


    The sensations light me up.


    My nipples pebble until my skin hurts.


    My legs tremble until it''s his hands in my pussy that keep me up.


    With each of his thrusts, it''s like a piece of me falls back into ce.


    Every grunt, every plea, every sound thates from his lips feeds the coiling in my


    stomach.


    "Alina," he moans brokenly.


    I can''t answer except for a shaky moan.


    "I- can I go faster?


    I nod desperately.


    "Harder?"


    "God, yes," I practically scream.


    He grabs one of my hands and pushes it against my clit. "Touch yourself."


    I do and he returns his hands to my hips, holding me there so that he can move his hips. He quickens his pace, burying his fingers so deep in my flesh I know I will bruise.


    I''m screaming, rubbing my fingers faster, the headboard smacking against the wall, tears


    Lose Myself-2


    streaming down my face.


    I don''t care who can hear us.


    I don''t care who knows about us.


    My toes curls and my voice is a guttural, throaty mess. "I''m- I''ming."


    Zaid growls behind me, thrusting in faster until he stills, breathing heavily and broken. I feel the heat of his cum inside me and my orgasm splits me in two.


    My eyes roll to the back of my head, and I am trembling. My pussy clenches at the emptiness, my clit throbbing and my ass attempts to contract.


    My muscles work tirelessly to move, but with Zaid''s cock in the way, I am left with an intense feeling of fullness. I drop onto my stomach and Zaid follows, chuckling over me as he kisses me down my spine.


    By the time he pulls out of me, I can''t keep my eyes open. I feel him kiss the rim


    of my asshole and I shudder at the feeling. He turns me to face him, his eyes caressing every


    inch of my face.


    A slow smile warms his face, and his fingers trail down my neck.


    "I can''t- I''m so tired," I whisper.


    "Getting fucked in the ass will do that to you."


    My body feels like a noodle and Iy there, motionless as he cleans me with a wet rag and kisses me from my nipples back down to my clit. I tangle my fingers in his hair and press myself into his chest, letting the darkness take me.


    Letting sleep take me as all I can think about is how I want to lose myself in him like this every day.

 Chapter 111

    Boundaries


    The nap we took after was not enough rest.


    I go about my day as usual, nning to sleep alone in my bed that night to


    recover from everything Zaid made me feel, but the moment I finish my shower and make my way to my room, Aiden bursts in.


    His cock is already hard, pushing at the seams of his pants. He rushes toward me, gripping my waist as he pushes me against the wall.


    "Fuck, baby."


    I''m breathing heavily, rolling my eyes as I feel my pussy turn wet. I get why they


    call her greedy now. My legs are sore, my asshole and clit sore. "Aiden-"


    He rocks his erection into me. "I heard you and Zaid earlier today."


    My cheeks heat.


    "The way he made you scream."


    I swallow. "I didn''t mean to be so loud-"


    He quiets me with an aggressive kiss. "I''m not saying it''s a bad thing. But it turned


    me on and I had to go to practice with a hard on."


    My heart lurches in my chest and all I can manage is a whispered. "Sorry."


    He smiles widely. "Are you going to help me with this?"


    He grabs my hand, thrusting it in his pants. My hand caresses the hot, hard skin, and he hisses, cing both of his hands on the wall beside my head. I watch the way his face contorts, the way he grits his teeth as I pump him.


    I run my finger across the head of his cock, taking the wetness that has pooled there and then continue to pump him. He thrusts into my hand, throwing his head back.


    "Fuck, Alina."


    I press a kiss to his neck, nipping at his skin, and he grumbles in his throat. I want to take


    Boundaries


    care of him, so I drop to my knees, bringing his pants with me and grab the base of his cock. He looks down at me, eyes wide as I open my mouth and take him in deep. His hand grabs onto the back of my head, and he thrusts, using me for his pleasure.


    Hees deep in my throat minutester and we cuddle in bed to sleep. Just sleep.


    But then in the morning, it''s Zaid who coaxes my legs open with kisses down my body. He eats me out and then fucks my ass again.


    The routine continues for a few days, and I am exhausted. Saying no to them is


    impossible and part of me doesn''t want to. It feels good to be with them, and I wee the distraction.


    It''s the morning of New Year''s Eve. Jake is back in the office cleaning up some messes that are still happening due to the death of his CFO. I''m on the couch in the living room, looking at the Christmas tree, when both Aiden and Zaid walk in.


    My eyes immediately go to Zaid, and a heat crawls up my body. I haven''t seen him since yesterday morning and my body lights up with the anticipation of his touch.


    He leans over me, cupping the back of neck before kissing me, long and hard. His tongue explores my mouth and I moan, grabbing onto his neck. He pulls away, a smile lighting


    his face.


    He sits on the other couch beside mine and then it''s Aiden who is over me, kissing


    me


    just as deeply. My insides coil, wetness pooling between my legs.


    He takes the seat beside me, his thigh pressing hard against mine. I look between them,


    my heart lurching in my chest.


    "Good morning," I whisper.


    But the way they''re both looking at me, I know this isn''t just casual conversation.


    "You look tired," Aiden says, his brows furrowed in concern.


    I turn to him. "What do you mean?"


    "Like, really tired, Alina."


    "We''ve noticed." Zaid adds, arms crossed over his chest.


    66


    Boundaries


    Iugh, shaking my head. "Maybe because I have two boyfriends who don''t seem to understand the concept of rest?"


    It was a tease, meant to lighten the mood, but Zaid frowns like it was a dig at him. Aiden blows out a steady stream of air and then I feel like I have to fix what I said.


    I sigh, ying with the hem of my shirt. "I just meant I don''t know how to manage my time with both of you. I love being with you both, but I can''t be with you all the time. I need time to myself, too."


    As the words leave my mouth, a thought crosses my mind. How would it even work with Jake added to the mix? It''s already overwhelming with just Aiden and Zaid.


    I am way over my head.


    Aiden and Zaid exchange a nce before Zaid speaks. ¡°Alina, you can say no, you know?"


    I shrink into myself and panic crosses Zaid''s dark eyes. He reaches for me, his hand caressing my thigh.


    "You need to be able to tell us no when you''re tired, love, or when you just don''t want to.


    We won''t be mad."


    Aiden nods, leaning closer to me, his voice soft and his fingers caressing my jaw. "I know I cane on strong sometimes. I want you so bad, but I''ll always respect what you


    want."


    Emotions swirl around in my chest and I smile at him. " You both have to know that I haven''t felt forced. Not once. I promise."


    "That''s good," Zaid says, rxing back against the couch. Relief drops his shoulders and warmth spreads through me at his worry.


    "We want this to work. But you have to set your boundaries, Alina." Aiden adds, running his fingers down my neck.


    I nod, feeling more at ease. "Thank you."


    Aiden checks his phone and sighs. "I have to head out for practice."


    Boundaries


    He stands, pressing a kiss to my forehead, and Zaid and I watch him walk out of the house.


    Zaid then reaches for my hand, pulling me off of the couch and on to straddle hisp. He caresses my waist, holding me there with his fingers burning into my skin. "When are you nning to tell him about Jake?"


    I swallow, my fingers wrapping around his wrists."Jake gave me an ultimatum. He wants me to tell Aiden tomorrow."


    Zaid''s eyebrows shoot up. "He gave you an ultimatum?"


    I nod my head, exhaling sharply. "He doesn''t want to hide."


    He watches me for a moment, then suddenly changes the subject. "Parker''s


    having a party tonight. He has it every year. The three of us are going."


    The shift in conversation is so sudden it takes me a second to register. But when I


    do, I find myself smiling. "We are?¡±


    Zaid nods. "You''ll get to see Parker and Nikki. Let loose a little."


    I bite my lip, excitement bubbling in my chest. "That actually sounds perfect."

 Chapter 112

    On My Forehead


    The second I step out of my room, Zaid''s eyes are on me. His gaze sweeps over my body.


    slow and heated.


    My skin prickles, and I wrap my arms around my waist.


    I know he likes what he sees, but the weight of the makeup on my face and the tightness of my dress have me wondering if I''ve maybe done a bit too much.


    He''s leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, with his phone in one hand. That phone is long forgotten as he looks at me, his expression sharpening. One brow raises, his lips parting just slightly as if he wants to say something but holds it back.


    I shift in my heeled boots, suddenly self-conscious. "Do I look okay? Is it too short?"


    A smile lifts his lips as I tug on the hem of the dress. He grunts, pushing off the wall and stalking toward me. "You look perfect."


    A blush spreads across my cheeks and he cups my face and kisses me softly. It''s quick, almost teasing, but it leaves my heart pounding in my chest. When he pulls back, he smirks, as if he knows exactly what he''s doing to me.


    We walk to the living room, where he grabs his keys. "Let''s go."


    The ride to Parker''s house is quiet, the only sound the low hum of music from the car''s speakers. Zaid''s hand rests on my thigh, his thumb rubbing slow, deliberate circles against my skin. The simple touch sets a slow burn in my stomach, and I bite my lip, staring out the window as I try to get my thoughts in order.


    The silence isn''t ufortable, and I find myself enjoying just thefort of his presence, I ce my hand over his, smiling softly as the touch brings a light to his eyes.


    When we pull up to Parker''s house, the party is already in full swing. The music is loud, pulsing through the walls, and the air is thick with the smell of alcohol. People are everywhere. They''re drinking, dancing,ughing. A couple stumbles out onto the porch, tangled in each other,pletely oblivious to the world around them.


    My cheeks heat, remembering how Zaid kissed me right on this porch.


    3:38 pm


    On My Forehead


    How he forced me to feel how hard I was making him.


    I have to shake the memory, though.


    As soon as we step inside, Nikki spots us. She lets go of Parker''s hand mid- conversation and rushes toward me, a huge grin on her face.


    "Alina!" she squeals, throwing her arms around me.


    Iugh as she spins me in a quick circle, squeezing me tight.


    "I missed you," I say, genuinely happy to see her.


    She pulls back just enough to nce over at Zaid, her smile faltering for just a second. I catch the look in her eyes, but I ignore it, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the


    kitchen.


    "Come on, we need drinks," I giggle at her.


    Minutester, we are leaning against the counter, sipping on something fruity and probably too strong as we talk.


    ¡°So,¡± Nikki starts, tilting her head. "How''s break been going?"


    Heat crawls through me. I can''t exactly be honest, can I? I open my mouth to


    reply, but I feel a firm grip on my waist. Aiden spins me around and presses his lips to mine in a


    deep, lingering kiss, making my head spin. When he pulls away, I blink up at him,


    breathless.


    "Hey," He whispers, rubbing the lipstick he, no doubt, smeared down my chin. "Hey," I whisper back, smiling.


    "You look hot." He looks down at my outfit and I smack him across the chest. He chuckles


    and turns to Nikki.


    "Hey, Nikki."


    "Hey, yourself," sheughs.


    Aiden kisses me again before joining Parker and Zaid, who are already talking in the other


    On My Forehead


    room. As soon as he''s gone, Nikki turns to me, eyes narrowing in suspicion.


    "So, since when is everyone suddenly on good terms with Zaid?" she drawls, arms crossed.


    My face heats instantly. "Uh-"


    Her eyes widen, and before I can stop her, she grabs my wrist and drags me through the crowd, straight to one of the bedrooms. She shoves me inside, mming the door shut behind us, then spins on me with an expression of pure shock and excitement.


    "Oh my god," she breathes. "How long have you been dating both of them?"


    The music is muffled, but it still vibrates against the wall. I hear her loud and clear, and I grimace. Am I that obvious? I haven''t seen anyone other than Zaid, Aiden and Jake since all of this started.


    Maybe it''s written on my forehead like a tattoo.


    "Alina!" she gasps, shaking her head as she looks at me with wide eyes.


    I groan into my hands, falling onto the bed. "I''ve basically been with the both of them since the wedding."


    She gasps, falling down beside me. "With Zaid? I thought you hated him."


    I lift my head from my hand and shrug. "I did, too. I didn''t realize how much of it was just a lot of sexual tension."


    Nikki hums, but there''s an unease to her presence now


    I turn to her, noting the frown on her brow and the disturbed curve of her lips.


    "After everything he''s done?" She whispers


    I hate the judgement in her voice, but I was in the same position she was just a few weeks ago. "It''s a lot moreplicated than what you think and maybe one day, they''ll let me share the whole story with you."


    That grabs her attention, and she turns to face me, cing a hand on mine. "As long as


    your''re sure. And happy."


    On My Forehead


    I smile, the genuine feeling of peace rushing through me. "I am."


    She blows out a breath. "That''s all that matters. Now,e one. Let''s get drunk


    and dance before midnight!"


    She grabs my hand and pulls me back to the living room, where we drink and dance until my lungs are burning fromughing too much.

 Chapter 113

    Okay With This?-1


    Nikki and I are jumping up and down, gripping each other''s hands, ourughter mixing with the excitement in the air. Parker is beside us, throwing an arm around Aiden, who grins as he watches me.


    "Ten!" The crows starts.


    I nce around, searching for Zaid, and find him lingering in a dark corner, his eyes fixed on me. He shoots me a smile, though it doesn''t reach his eyes. But he''s watching.


    He''s always watching.


    "Five! Four!"


    Aiden pulls me to him, his hands settling at my waist, and I tilt my chin up just as the final countdown echoes through the house.


    "Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!"


    Our lips meet. I expect a soft, chaste kiss like everyone else is giving, but Aiden pulls me


    in close and doesn''t let go. It''s a hot kiss, tongues teeth, the taste of alcohol and his


    hands digging into my waist.


    I melt into him, wrapping my arms around his neck.


    I let the moment consume me. Let the screams of joy around us, the cheering, the music


    and Aiden''s touch fill me.


    When we break apart, my chest is rising and falling quickly, my head spinning.


    I nce back toward the corner, toward Zaid, and find him still watching. His expression


    is unreadable, but the cup in his hand is crushed by how hard he''s holding it.


    He''s mine and I''m his, and yet he''s holding back because I''m not ready for people to know. Without thinking, I pull away from Aiden, weaving through the bodies until I reach


    Zaid. His dark eyes lock onto mine as I grab his hand, tugging him after me.


    I don''t stop until we''re inside the bathroom; the door clicking shut behind us. My


    breath is unsteady, and my heart is pounding as I look up at him.


    Okay With This?-1


    "Happy New Year," I whisper before pressing my lips to his.


    He ces his cup on the counter behind me, holding my waist to pull me closer to


    him. He deepens the kiss, making sure I can feel his erection between us.


    Zaid lets out a lowugh against my mouth. "You''re drunk."


    "Only a little," I admit, smiling. "But I still know what I want."


    There''s a lick of seriousness in his eyes and he kisses me again, his hands steady on my hips, grounding me. When we finally pull apart, I step back, my lips tingling, my pulse


    racing.


    We head back to the party and the rest of the night blurs into a haze of music and dancing. I stop drinking, Aiden handing me soda instead of liquor. I don''t mind, I''m still having a good time.


    I dance with Aiden, letting the warmth of his presence pull me in, but my mind keeps drifting back to Zaid. He doesn''t say much, but his eyes never leave me. He stays in his


    corner.


    Watching.


    It''s around 3am when the party starts to wind down, and Zaid approaches us, tossing his keys to Aiden.


    "You drive.¡± His mouth is set in a straight line, teeth gritted together.


    Aiden catches them easily, chuckling as he shakes his head. Zaid grabs my hand and leads me out of the house, none of us caring about who could see us. We make our way to the car and Zaid pulls me into the backseat with him.


    I don''t hesitate when he pulls me onto hisp, my legs at his sides. I just giggle, running my fingers through his hair. He watches me for a second and then his arms wrap around me, and our lips meet.


    His kisses are slow and soft, devouring and yet loving. He doesn''t stop until we get to the house. Whatever exhaustion was making my limbs heavy was gone


    now.


    There''s a burning desire between my legs, a pulsing and a wetness pooled there.


    I''m


    Day With The??


    catching my train, blinking as I slip into my room alone. I frown when I spin and


    realize that neither Zaid nur Siten have frilowed me in.


    I huff out a disamined breath and sit on the bed to take my heels off.


    I barely get the second are off when Aiden walks in. My body heats and I smile at


    him.


    "Hi" he whispers back. "Wantpany tonight?"


    Chapter Comments


    271


    POST CONVENT NOM

 Chapter 114

    Okay With This?-2


    1 nod, reaching for him. He gives in, letting me wrap my arms around his neck and bring him down to sit beside me. We kiss, and I make it way too obvious that I want more from him that just to sleep at his side.


    Tonight made me feel good, gave me some confidence and now I want to lose myself in intertwined bodies.


    Aiden hisses against my lips, gripping my waist and settling me on hisp. "You''re so fucking beautiful, Alina."


    I bite my lip, grabbing hands and pushing them down to my ass. He looks for the hem of my dress and shoves it up to my waist. The moment he grabs onto my bare ass cheeks, he grumbles out a desperateugh. "You''re killing me, baby. You only wore a thong under


    this?"


    I hum, nodding.


    "You weren''t cold?"


    I shudder, grinding against him. "Maybe a little, but I wanted to be ready for you."


    He kneads my ass cheeks. "Just me?"


    I frown, but don''t get the chance to ask him anything. He kisses me, stealing the breath right from me. My stomach coils, my pussy drenching my pathetic excuse for a thong.


    I grind against him again, but he still doesn''t move this any further. I push on him to get off, to take off my dress, but he stops me, keeping me on hisp with his hands on my


    ass.


    "Wait, not yet," He whispers on my neck as he makes his way down to my chest.


    "Why not?" I gasp as he bites down on my nipple over the fabric of my dress.


    "I think the sight of your ass, spread open like this, is the perfect way to wee him in."


    My heart stops in my chest and I push on his shoulders to get a better look at his face. He smirking at me, eyes drinking me in and darkening beneath his brows.


    Okay With This?-2


    The door clicks open and immediately, a wave of goosebumps renders me useless. A half- broken breath leaves my lips and my fingers dig into Aiden''s shoulders.


    "Jesus, fucking hell," Zaid whispers huskily.


    I shudder against Aiden, my legs clenching around his hips as my body reacts to the darkness in Zaid''s voice.


    Aiden''s watching me closely, licking his lips. "Are you okay with this?"


    Zaid''s hands grip my waist from behind, and I whimper, lips trembling. Aiden


    keeps watching me, nostrils ring, and Zaid steps closer, pressing kisses down the side of my


    neck.


    J exhale, throwing my head back as I open my body up to take every ounce of pleasure


    they offer me.


    "Yes," I breathe out, heavy with need, dripping with desperation.


    Aiden smiles widely. "I''m not surprised, considering I can feel how soaked you are through my jeans."


    mes heat my cheeks, but Zaid grips my neck, turning my face toward him, and then he kisses me. Shoves his tongue down my throat and devours me until I can''t breathe.


    He pulls away, nostrils ring as he nods to Aiden. "Distract her." And then he walks away, leaving my back cold.


    Aiden moans, reaching between. He frees his cock. It''s thick, veiny, pre-cum dripping from its head. He pumps it once and I watch with parted lips.


    From behind me, Zaid lifts my dress over my head, leaving me in just my thong. Aiden grabs the thin fabric, cing it on the side of one of my lips and then sandwiches his cock between my legs, between my lips.


    He grabs my hips and lifts me and down, coating his cock in my juices. It tickles my clit and I''m a shaking mess, eyes rolling to the back of my head. He pops one


    of my nipples into his mouth and I''m moaning, trying to keep up with all the sensations.


    "Aiden, I want you inside me," I beg, and he chuckles.


    Okay With This?-2


    "Patience, love," Zaid whispers just below my ear. He kisses me there and Ie


    alight. My nipples pebble, my clit hardening until it''s painful.


    I turn to look at him and he''s already staring at me, eyes dark, needy. I''m


    breathing so hard, it''s all I hear, but when I look down at his hands, everything quiets.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 115

    Both Ends-1


    I breathe into Aiden''s mouth mid-kiss, gasping when Zaid shoves my thong to the side.


    He''s using any chance he can get to touch me, his fingers grazing my ass cheek, my asshole, my pussy. And my body reacts to every single touch.


    Aiden holds me tighter, biting my bottom lip. Cold lube drops between my cheeks and I moan, turning louder when Zaid circles my hole with his finger.


    "So responsive," Zaid mutters.


    "So perfect," Aiden adds.


    My body jerks at how much their praise heightens my skin. Zaid inserts all of his finger, circling it to loosen the rim. Aiden moves his lips down my neck and I feel like I cane just from this.


    I''m about to say as much when Zaid grabs my chin and forces me to face him, his finger still in my asshole. He watches me carefully at first, but I know he can see just how much I want this because his lips lift slightly.


    "I''m going to fuck this tight little asshole."


    He wiggles his finger, and I whimper, nodding my agreement.


    "While Aiden fucks that sweet little pussy of yours."


    I moan, grinding my pussy against Aiden''s cock and Aiden responds with a nip at


    my


    neck.


    "We''re going to fill you up withe at both ends."


    I shiver.


    "Do you like the sound of that, love?"


    I nod, my ass clenching around his finger.


    He hisses, pulling it out. "Let''s get you ready, then."


    Both Ends-1


    He turns my face back toward Aiden, who kisses me deeply. I force myself to turnnguid, to get rid of any tension in my body. I want this. I want them both, and if I''m clenched up, it won''t work.


    Zaid presses the tip of the biggest plug into my ass.


    "Spread her cheeks," Zaid orders.


    Aiden listens, gripping my cheeks and spreading them wide.


    Zaid pushes in the plug and I moan, loosening my muscles to let him push in another


    inch, and then another.


    "You''re taking this so well, love, fuck," he grits, smacking my ass when he has it pushed all the way in.


    I jolt against Aiden, breathing heavily as I clench and unclench my ass around the plug. So fucking full.


    Aiden kisses one of my nipples before grabbing my waist and lifting me off hisp,


    cing me on the floor. I stand, legs trembling from how good I feel, how turned on I am.


    Zaid stands in front of me, cupping my face and kissing me. Aiden stands behind me,


    hands exploring every inch of my skin. He pushes my thong down my legs and then he spreads my cheeks to get a good look at the plug inside me.


    "Fuck, she''s spread open," Aiden hisses, biting down on my ass.


    I jolt into Zaid''s chest, and he chuckles, pulling away from our kiss. I''m about to reach for him again when he drops to his knees. He looks up at me, lifting my leg to finish taking off my thong, and then he throws my knee over his shoulder.


    "Oh, god," I moan, tangling my fingers in his hair and guiding his mouth to my waiting


    clit.


    He feasts.


    Like a starving, thirsty man.


    Aiden returns to my lips, kissing me. It brings me to the edge faster and I cry, my body shattering into my orgasm. Aiden keeps a hand on my plug, making sure it stays inside as


    Both Ends-1


    my muscles contract.


    They both step away from me, and I pant, eyes widening as they undress. My heart hammers in my chest, the sound of it echoing in my ears and in my head. I feel like I''m going to explode. I feel like I won''t be able to keep up with the both of them.


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 Chapter 116

    Both Ends-2


    Fuck, they''re so beautiful.


    Zaid''s eyes are on me, watching me as he takes off thest piece of clothing. I''ve


    "You''re still in control, love."


    I nod, my eyes dropping to his lips.


    "I mean it, just say the word and we stop."


    1 kiss him, pressing my tongue between his lips, but he pulls away, setting me over Aiden''s hips. I ce my hand on Aiden''s chest, moaning when I feel his erection between


    1. us.


    "Fucking sexy," he mutters. He lifts me by the waist and, ever so slowly, lowers me onto


    his cock.


    My toes curl, my muscles tightening. I''m gasping, my fingers digging into his skin. "So full," I whisper.


    Aiden shudders beneath me. "So tight."


    I still have a slight buzz going from the alcohol and it helps with keeping myself untense.


    I lift my hips, riding him slow andzily as my head drops between my shoulders. Aiden


    hisses beneath me.


    "I don''t know how long I''llst," he grunts.


    Zaid''s warmth is suddenly at my back. "Rx, love."


    His whispered words send shivers down my spine, and I rx for him, just for him.


    He


    pulls the plug from my ass, slow and deliberate. I can feel the gape of my asshole, missing


    that full feeling, but I''m excited about what''sing.


    Nervous.


    Both Ends-2


    My body heats and I turn wetter when his cock pushes into my ass. He''s slow, careful, stilling every few seconds to check on me.


    I reach behind me and wrap my arm around his neck, bringing him to me. ¡°Just fuck me,


    Zaid."


    He growls against my ear and thrusts his hips once. I scream, dropping onto Aiden''s chest. We lock eyes, swaying together as Zaid takes control and thrusts into me hard and quick.


    I look into his amber eyes and guilt fills me when I wish it were Zaid''s eyes I was looking into. Just imagining Zaid beneath me, looking at me with those dark eyes of his has me convulsing.


    My pussy clenches around Aiden''s cock, and it makes him growl, too. He holds onto my hips, thrusting into me. As Zaid pulls out, Aiden pushes in.


    "Fuck!" I scream, gripping onto his shoulders. He reaches for me, cupping my breasts, twisting my nipples between his fingers.


    Zaid reaches in front of me, rubbing my clit.


    My mind explodes. White-hot pleasure pulses through me like a lightning bolt. I''ve never had an orgasm that felt like that. I feel... broken.


    My thighs shake, my breath shaking as they both continue thrusting into me. I can hardly take it, my mind empty, my body numb except for my clenching ass and weeping pussy.


    I''m a mess, panting, gasping, my skin broken in prickles of pleasure.


    "It''s too much," I gasp, turning to the side to look for Zaid. He finds me, lips against mine, and I feel him shudder.


    Feel the spew of warm cum in my ass.


    Feel him grunt and push against me like he can''t keep himself up.


    Then Aidenes, filling my pussy until I feel it drip between our thighs.


    "Oh god,¡± I squeal as Zaid pulls out. He does the same thing he always does; presses a


    kiss on the rim of my asshole.


    Both Ends-2


    He lifts me from Aiden''s cock, and he walks me to the shower, Aiden following.


    I''m half conscious, half asleep, as they wash me; their fingers massaging my sensitive clit until Ie again for them.


    Thest thing I remember isying down between them and falling asleep to the sound of their breathing.

 Chapter 117

    With Her, Too-1


    I bury my face in Zaid''s shoulder, hoping to hide the flush that creeps up my cheeks.


    I can''t believe that happenedst night.


    Never in my wildest dreams... did the alcohol make me bolder?


    Not to mention how sore I am. It''d be impossible not to, especially with how big and thick they both are. My body tingles, but that hum of pain rattles through me. I won''t be able to be with either of them for a day or two.


    Aidenughs at something that happens in the movie, and I blink back to reality. His hands run up from my ankle to my calf, a mindless caress he''s been doing since we forced ourselves out of bed.


    We''re in the living room, movie on the tv and the lights from the Christmas tree are still on. My body is drapedzily over both Aiden and Zaid, my head resting on Zaid''s shoulder while my legs stretch across Aiden''sp. A thick nket covers all of us, covering us in warmth, but it does little to ease the soreness wracking my body.


    groan softly as I shift, and Aiden tightens his grip on me instinctively.


    Zaid shifts, looking down at me with a raised eyebrow. "You okay, love?"


    "I hate you both," I mutter, eyes half-lidded in exhaustion.


    Aiden chuckles. "We had to carry you downstairs. The least you could do is be grateful."


    I tilt my head back to re up at him. "Grateful? I can''t sit for more than five minutes."


    Zaid tilts my head toward him with a grip on my chin. "It burns good, though, right?"


    My stomach coils immediately, and I exhale, leaning closer to him.


    Aiden pats my thigh, his tone teasing. "I''m making some snacks. What do you guys


    want?"


    "Ice cream," I say immediately.


    "Popcorn," Zaid adds.


    With Her, Too-1


    "And something to drink?" I add with a smile.


    Aiden nods. ¡°Got it. Try not to fall asleep.¡± He disappears into the kitchen, leaving me alone with Zaid.


    Silence settles between us,fortable but heavy. I sigh, rxing against him, but then I feel his eyes on me, lingering, intense. I lift my head from his shoulder and sit up, looking at him. "What''s wrong?"


    His eyes leave a trail of heat as he studies the expression on my face. ¡°I can''t stop thinking about how beautiful you lookedst night."


    My cheeks heat up, and I peek up at him, catching the way his dark eyes still drink me in. "Zaid-"


    He shifts, turning slightly so he can face me better, his hand lifting to cup my face. The yfulness in his gaze disappears, reced with an intensity that makes the breath leave my lungs.


    I''m aching for him, for much more than just physical touch. I want to know him as much


    as I know myself, see every insecurity and everything he loves about himself. "There are things I need to say to you," he murmurs, his thumb stroking my cheek.


    That makes rm bells ring in my ears, but I keep my expression neutral.


    "Things that normal boyfriends tell their girlfriends. Things I never got a chance to say


    because of how fast we''ve been moving."


    I frown slightly, my heart hammering at how serious he looks.


    "Tell me," I whisper, cing a hand on his chest.


    He licks his lips, exhaling a soft breath. "You are the most beautiful person I''ve


    ever


    seen."


    I smile at that, biting my lip. "You''ve told me that before."


    His eyes are on my lips, and a toe-curling, beautiful smile lifts his lips. God, it


    makes me feel things deep in my heart


    With Her, Too-1


    "But I haven''t told you how you scared me at first.¡±


    I jerk out of his hands, chuckling. "Scared you?"


    He drops his hands, holding mine, our fingers intertwined. He swallows and then


    continues. "Because of how much you made me feel."


    My eyebrows shoot up. "When we first met?"


    He nods. "I could see the brokenness in your eyes. The same one that I feel in my chest. I


    knew from the beginning that you''dpletely change my life."


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 Chapter 118

    With Her, Too-2


    My breath shudders and I scoot closer to him.


    "I feel like... like we share the same soul."


    A soft gasp escapes me, my heart twisting painfully. I feel it, too. The intensity and


    beauty between us. The passion that teeters on the line of hate.


    Zaid tightens his hands on mine. "I''ve never met someone who understands exactly what


    it feels like to survive when others haven''t."


    I exhale shakily, tears pricking at the back of my eyes. "I know," I whisper, knowing exactly what he''s talking about. "I feel seen with you."


    He nods. "Exactly. For so long, I thought I wouldn''t find someone worth making me live


    life. But I met you and I knew."


    I scoot closer to him.


    "I was made for you, love. Only you."


    The tears I was holding back, fall freely. "Zaid."


    "I just want you to understand."


    I frown. There''s that word again. Understand. "Understand what?"


    He smiles at me, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "You''ll know."


    I want to be irritated, but the words he just spoke, the way he just opened up? It


    was everything. Everything I never knew I needed to hear.


    I''m about to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, but a movement in the doorway


    makes me freeze.


    Zaid must notice the shift in my expression because he follows my gaze.


    Standing in the doorway, seething, is Jake.


    He looks at us, his head swiveling between us. "What the fuck?"


    With Her, Too-2


    Adrenaline shoots through me, and I stand, shaking my head. I stop my advance when Jakes raises his hands. He looks right at me, anger burning in his eyes.


    "What. The. Fuck?" He repeats.


    I don''t find words, but Zaid stands, stopping beside me. His shoulder brushes mine and his fingers intertwine with mine. Jake''s anger doesn''t scare me, but it helps to know Zaid


    is beside me.


    Jake''s eyes are locked onto Zaid, disbelief and barely contained fury rippling through them. Zaid doesn''t even move. He just tilts his head, calm as ever.


    Jake steps forward, voice rising. "Are you seriously flirting with your brother''s girlfriend?"


    My stomach knots. "Jake, stop-"


    His attention stays locked onto Zaid, ignoring mepletely. "You have feelings for her?"


    I reach for Jake''s arm, trying to calm him, but his whole body is humming with anger. He jerks away from my touch and that''s when I see the sh of shock, hurt, and jealousy in his eyes. It''s all swirling inside of him, threatening to boil over.


    Zaid finally moves, stepping forward, closer to Jake and to me. "And what if I do?" Jake''s nostrils re. "Then you''re a piece of shit."


    "Jake!¡± I snap, but my voice wavers. Talk about the pot calling the kettle ck.


    Zaidughs, because, like me, he''s in on the joke. But that only makes Jake angrier.


    Before I can say anything else, footsteps sound from the hall, and then Aiden appears, a


    bowl of popcorn in one hand, a bottle of water in the other. His brows are furrowed, eyes bouncing between the three of us. "What''s going on?"


    Jake turns to him sharply, still vibrating with anger. "Did you know?"


    Aiden blinks. "Know what?"


    Jake lets out a bitterugh. "That your brother over here has been in love with your girlfriend this whole fucking time?"


    With Her, Too-2


    My chest tightens.


    Aiden''s face shifts, something flickering behind his eyes. He looks at Zaid apologetically, like telling him he''s sorry the cat is out of the bag.


    Jake notices, too. He stills, his whole body going rigid, his expression shifting from rage to realization. His gaze flicks between the two of them before itnds on Zaid with


    something sharp and using.


    "You''re with her too," he breathes out, his voice barely above a whisper.


    The air in the room turns thick as silence stretches between us.


    And when Zaid answers yes, the silence in the room shatters.

 Chapter 119

    Three Of You-1


    The moment the word leaves Zaid''s lips, Jake''s eyes darken. His jaw clenches and he turns to me, his chest rising and falling with controlled breaths, but his hands tighten to fists at his sides.


    "Is he telling the truth?" His voice is low, but it vibrates.


    I swallow hard, nodding. "Yes."


    He growls, his steps heavy against the floor as he stomps toward me. The sheer


    force of his presence has my body locking up. He grabs my arm, his thumb rubbing circles on my


    skin.


    He''s not threatening me.


    He wants to talk.


    But before he can pull me away, Aiden steps between us. "Stop."


    Jake res at him but doesn''t move. "Are you kidding me?"


    "What the fuck is going on? Why are you acting like this?" Aiden asks as he presses a firm hand to his father''s shoulder, forcing him to let go of my arm.


    Zaid mutters something under his breath, but does nothing.


    Jake''s gaze flicks to Aiden, something unreadable in his expression before a bitter chuckle leaves his lips. "You''re really protecting her from me? Like I''d ever hurt her?"


    Aiden doesn''t budge. "You were angry and charging at her like you were ready to explode. What was I supposed to think?"


    Jake exhales sharply, shaking his head. Then his eyes cut back to me, his expression turning stony. "So, you''ve been seeing both of them?"


    My stomach twists, but I force myself to meet his gaze and nod.


    "Why does that matter?" Aiden frowns, dropping his hand from Jake''s shoulder, and turns to me. "What is going on?"


    Three Of You-1


    I turn my eyes to him, see the way his brows are drawn together in confusion and guilt tightens around my heart. "1-"


    "We''ve been together," Jake says before I get the words out.


    I stop breathing, and Aiden stiffens.


    "We want to keep being together," Jake adds, and it''s like fire to the me already burning


    inside me.


    "Wait... is this true?" Aiden''s voice wavers, and I swear my heart cracks at the betrayal in


    his eyes.


    I want to cry. But I can''t. Not now. Not when I have to exin everything. I inhale deeply, trying to steady myself before nodding. "Yes."


    Aiden blinks, his shoulders going rigid. Then his eyes dart to Zaid, and his frown deepens. "You knew this, didn''t you?"


    Zaid nods once. "Yeah, sorry, man."


    Jake lets out a harsh breath and runs a hand through his hair. "What the fuck?"


    I sigh, groaning as I rub my temples, exhaustion hitting me all at once. "Alright, sit down. All of you. Now."


    They hesitate, but eventually, they do as I ask, settling onto the couch while I remain standing, pacing in front of them. The room feels too small, too suffocating with their eyes glued to me, waiting for an exnation.


    I don''t know how to do this, but the beginning sounds like the best ce to start from.


    I take another breath. "I met Aiden first. I liked him, okay?"


    The three of them watch me without a single shift in their eyes. I look right at Aiden. "I like you."


    He smiles softly at that, but the hurt is still evident.


    "And then I met Zaid, and I hated him."


    Three Of Your!


    Zaid snorts, leaning back on the couch.


    "You left me at that diner and then I met you, Jake," I nce at him. "You were there when I needed someone."


    Jake''s nostrils re.


    "And then I got to know you all more, and before I knew it, I had feelings for all three of


    you."


    Silence.


    The only sound in the room is the ticking of the clock, the distant hum of the refrigerator. I push forward before any of them can interrupt.

 Chapter 120

    Three Of You-2


    "It sounds terrible, I know, but I didn''t want to choose. Can''t choose."


    Jake''s anger is slowly melting away, Zaid looks as calm as ever and Aiden is pursing his lips, like he''s trying to piece everything together.


    "Dating Aiden publicly was the easiest thing to do. It just happened. It wasn''t some scheme or n. I wasn''t trying to be cruel or deceptive." My voice shakes, but I push through. "This was just so much. So different from anything I''ve ever dealt with, I''ve never had feelings for a guy, let alone three, and I didn''t know how to handle it. I still don''t."


    My heart pounds so loudly I swear they can hear it. I don''t know what they''ll say, how they''ll react, if they''ll even understand.


    Jake exhales heavily, running a hand down his face. "Jesus Christ."


    Aiden''s gaze remains fixed on the floor, his hands clenched together tightly.


    Zaid watches me, his expression unreadable, but when he catches me looking, he offers me a smile.


    I sigh. "Listen, we can move on. It''s thest thing I want, but I also don''t want to get in the way of you three. I can move out. Get an apartment-"


    "No." The three of them answer at the same time.


    Aiden is shaking his head. "I don''t want to break up."


    Relief shatters myposure and I fall onto the seat behind me, my hand to my chest.


    "I don''t either, love," Zaid adds, tilting his head as he watches me.


    Hope blooms in my chest and I look at Jake; his eyes are piercing. Intense.


    He shakes his head slowly. "I want you."


    I look between all three of them, struggling to control my breath and keep my legs from bouncing on the balls of my feet. "What...that does this mean?"


    Three Of You-2


    "Whatever you want it to mean," Zaid answers, frowning at me. "I told you. You''re in control."


    "What do you want?" Aiden asks, leaning his elbows on his knees.


    I press my lips together, wondering how terrible of a person I would be for admitting this out loud. Does this mean I''m selfish? Because how exactly would this end?


    "Don''t overthink it, love. Just say it. Right now. What do you want right now?" Zaid''s eyes were soft, his shoulders loose, and yet I know he is holding his breath, waiting for my


    answer.


    I blow out a breath, look at all three of them before gathering every inch of my courage. "I want all three of you."


    "Then you''ll have us," Jake answers, to my surprise.


    My stomach coils, and I cross my legs, trying to ignore just how sore I am.


    I''m dating all three of them.


    Aiden, Zaid, Jake.


    The thought alone sends a shiver down my spine, a mix of excitement and pure


    disbelief coursing through me. How did I even get here?


    They all want me.


    I let out a quietugh, shaking my head at myself. It''s shocking. Thrilling. Overwhelming.


    How much can I take? How much can my body take? They''re a lot. Each of them, in their


    own way, consumes me.


    I inhale deeply, pressing my fingers to my lips as if I can hold in the smile


    threatening to


    break free.


    It''s crazy.


    It''s insane.


    But it''s happening.


    Three Of You-2


    I nce up at them and exhale, nodding to myself.


    "Okay," I say, voice barely above a whisper.


    No matter how crazy this is, no matter how much it terrifies me, I want this. I want them.


    Jake lifts a hand, an eyebrow quirked. "Now that we have that settled. Why don''t we talk about your punishment?"

 Chapter 121

    You''re In Control


    I swallow thickly, wide eyes going from him to Aiden, then Zaid.


    "Punishment?" I whisper.


    "You lied to me," Jake grunts, his voice suddenly thick and eyes hot with want.


    My skin breaks into prickles. I feel so exposed talking about something like this in front


    of all three of them.


    "And me," Aiden says, shifting as if he is just feeling the shift in conversation.


    Zaid watches me and shrugs, as if he has nothing to add.


    "Umm, what''s my punishment?" I ask, running my hand down my arm in an attempt tofort myself.


    Jake narrows his eyes and curls his finger at me. I stand, hissing, when I feel the ache of


    soreness push through my legs.


    "We fucked you goodst night," Zaid teases.


    Jake raises an eyebrow. "You''re sore?"


    My face heats and I nod.


    Jake grunts at that, but it doesn''t stop the heat in his eyes. ¡°Strip."


    My breath leaves my lungs and I look at Aiden and Zaid. They''ve all seen me naked; I mean, they''ve all been inside me. But this feels much more vulnerable.


    I can''t lie though, it instantly makes me wet.


    I reach for my shirt first, and, of course, I''m not wearing a bra, considering we''ve beenzy and sitting on the couch all day. The three of them watch me like it''s the first time


    they''ve seen me like this.


    I bend down, taking off my pants and underwear, and when I push them to the side, I stand, chewing my bottom lip.


    You''re In Control


    Jake reaches for my wrist and pulls me to him. His eyes are on me while he talks


    to Zaid and Aiden. "Who''s the one obsessed with her asshole?"


    "That would be me," Zaid drawls.


    I look at him, and he smiles at me and winks. The arrogance in his features makes me re at him, heat crawling through me.


    "Bring me the smallest plug you have, something that won''t hurt her too much right


    now."


    I swallow, tightening my legs together. When I return my eyes to Jake, I hear Zaid shift and walk out of the room. Fuck, what is Jake nning? I look at Aiden for somefort, but his eyes are taking me in from my toes to my chest.


    I''ll get no help from him tonight; looks like I''m at the mercy of their libidos. My heart hammers at that. I''ll need to set some strict boundaries after tonight, or these men will


    run me ragged.


    "You''ll do everything I say tonight."


    I chew on my lip, and Jake raises an eyebrow, waiting for my response. I give him


    none.


    "If anything is too much for you, you can tell me. Otherwise, everything, Alina."


    I swallow, but my mouth is dry, and I nod.


    A slow smile curls his lips, and he pulls me across hisp. I scream when


    flips


    me, my stomach on his legs, my head on the couch and my ass up, high enough to where I can


    feel his breath on my skin.


    "Jake!"


    He stops my words with a p on my ass. My entire body jolts, and then it warms, embarrassment and coiled pleasure running through me.


    "Fuck, I forgot how perfect this ass is," he grunts.


    "So perfect," Aiden adds, and I know it''s his fingers that run down my crack to my pussy. "And she''s so fucking wet."


    You''re In Control


    "Already?" Jake mutters and I can hear the smile in his voice.


    Zaid walks back in, his steps faltering for a second when he sees me. "Shit."


    The amusement in his voice has me looking at him over my shoulder, and I re


    at him. He only smiles, handing the bright pink plug to Jake.


    Their hands are so distinct and I''m able to tell them each apart. Aiden grabs my ass, spreading my cheeks as Jake presses the plug against my rim. I hiss, toes curling as it


    slowly sinks inside me.


    Zaid does nothing but watch, though I can hear his breath turn heavy.


    Jesus, it makes my insides twist and I''m so fucking turned on. This can''t be normal; my body will not be able to keep up with the way these men make me feel.


    A guttural moan burns my throat when Jake kneads my cheeks and Aiden spreads my pussy lips to get a better look. Jake ps my ass, helping me up to my feet.


    He stands as well, not taking his eyes off of me as he unbuttons his shirt and slides it off his arms. He''s left in his white undershirt and I swallow as I look at the way his fine


    muscles curve the sleeves.


    He covers me with his shirt, taking his time to button it, letting his fingers graze every inch of skin they are able to. He''s deliberate, enjoying every second. Aiden and Zaid watch in silence, not daring to disturb.


    "Let''s make dinner," he rumbles under his breath.


    I only nod, my breath leaving me. He walks away toward the kitchen, Aiden


    following. They both adjust the erections in their pants, but Zaid stays behind.


    He eyes me with narrowed eyes and then grips my chin, bringing my face to his. "You okay?"


    I nod.


    "This isn''t too much?"


    I lick my lips. "Not yet."


    You''re In Control


    He frowns, swallowing as he makes sure I''m looking right into his eyes. "You''re in


    control."


    I wrap my fingers around his wrist. "Thank you."


    He nods, kissing me softly before grabbing my hand and walking me to the


    kitchen

 Chapter 123

    Schedule


    I shift, trying to findfort as I sit on the chair. Jake is sitting beside me while Aiden and Zaid sit across from us.


    My blood is rushing through me, my breath shallow. I''ve been trying to get this conversation started since we sat down for dinner, but I haven''t been able to get


    the


    words out.


    Zaid sets his fork down and leans back in his chair. I raise my eyes to him and can tell with just the tilt of his head that he knows I have something to say. Thest thing I want is for him to interrogate me.


    I sigh. "Can we talk about how this is going to work?"


    Jake turns to me mid-chew. "How what is going to work?"


    I look at all of them before saying, ¡°This rtionship.¡±


    Aiden looks at Zaid, then back at me. "What do you mean?"


    I set my fork down and take a breath. "I mean, there''s three of you and only one of me. I don''t know... I don''t know how I''m meant to juggle it. You and Zaid felt like a lot and now there''s a fourth person."


    Silence fills the room and I shift, grimacing when it makes the plug inside me


    move.


    Jake clears his throat and then leans forward. "We need a schedule."


    Aiden groans immediately, throwing his head back in his chair. "Oh my God, you''re making this sound like a job."


    Zaid snorts, and I have to hide my smile.


    "I hate the idea of something so rigid. What? I can only have my girlfriend on Mondays?" Aiden raises an eyebrow, clearly distraught at the idea.


    Jake shoots him a sharp look. "You got a better idea?"


    "Yeah. Let it just happen naturally."


    Schedule


    Zaid doesn''t say anything, but I nce at him and see the way his jaw is tight, the way his fingers drum against the table. He doesn''t like the idea of a schedule either. He acts when he feels something. I have no doubt about how impulsive he can be.


    1 press my lips together, thinking. I get where Jake ising from. If we don''t figure this out, someone is going to get hurt. Not only are three men a lot for me to handle, but someone is going to feel left out. Still, the idea of scheduling who gets my time like I''m booking appointments? It doesn''t feel right.


    I take a deep breath. "Okay, what if, instead of a strict schedule, I decide which days I want for myself and which days I need a break? The rest can just... flow naturally."


    Jake frowns. "That sounds a little too loose."


    Aiden grins, crossing his arms over his chest. "I think it sounds perfect."


    Jake purses his lips. "What if we at least each get a day a week?"


    I smile, cing my hand on his arm. "I won''t leave you out."


    He eyes me.


    "I promise. I want you all. Evenly." For some reason, that statement makes my face burn and my breath catch.


    Zaid finally speaks, his voice low. A frown mars his face, and he tightens his hands into fists. "As long as I don''t have to wait for a fucking schedule to be with you when I want to, I''m fine with whatever you want."


    I smile at him, my chest tightening at the intensity in his eyes. "You won''t."


    Jake sighs, rubbing a hand down his face. "Okay, but you''re spending tonight with me."


    My body breaks into prickles, but I nod. "Okay."


    There''s probably a lot he wants to talk about. The brokenness in his voice tells me that it''s going to be a long night. It doesn''t bother me; I need to make it up to him. Fix what I can for waiting too long.


    Jake looks down at his te, then frowns. "Are we done with dinner?"


    Schedule


    My spine shudders, my heart rate spiking as I think about what he has next.


    Ten minutester, the dishes are in the dishwasher and the pots are soaking in the sink. Jake takes my hand and we all make our way to the living room. When Aiden suggests we watch a movie, everyone agrees and I almost sigh with relief.


    It gives me another hour at least to mentally prepare for my talk with Jake.


    I sit on the couch between Jake and Aiden while Zaid sits alone in the recliner. He doesn''t seem bothered and part of me thinks that it''s because Jake and Aiden were the blindsided ones tonight.


    The movie starts off fine and I rx into the cushion, covering my legs with a nket


    since I''m still only wearing Jake''s shirt.


    The moment Jake''s hand grips my knee, I know I''ve rxed too soon. His fingers are hot, soft, and they hold on tight to my knee and pull my leg to drape it over hisp. I tense, his name on my lips, to ask him what he''s doing when he trails his fingers up my thigh and right to my clit.


    I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. Zaid looks back at me, narrowing his eyes and


    then looking at Jake.


    But Jake is watching the movie, his face serious and hard like he isn''t rubbing circles around my clit. Zaid returns his attention to the movie, but his shoulders are tense, his


    jaw clenching.


    Jake moves his hand slowly, his fingers soft. Nothing about this makes me feel like he actually wants me toe. I wrap my hands around his arm and lean toward him. "Jake."


    He shakes his head once, not even looking in my direction.


    Aiden''s hand grips my other thigh and heat rushes through me. He does the same as Jake, draping my leg over hisp, but he doesn''t look for my clit.


    He plunges two fingers deep inside me and I moan, throwing my head back onto the couch. My hips jerk and I''m seeking my release, the pent up pressure already too much to


    take.


    Jake still refuses to look at me, but when I look at Aiden, he''s looking right at me. Now, I


    4:00 pm 17 §ánn


    Schedule


    feel like I have someone on my side. I lean toward him, begging with my eyes. He smiles, slightly shaking his head.


    God, the wetness is pouring out of me, my orgasm right there.


    The warmth of the nket disappears, and I gasp, turning to face Zaid. He has the nket


    in his hands, his eyes glued to where Jake and Aiden are ying with me. His eyes darken, focus sharpening.


    Fuck, yes. That''s enough to drive me over the edge. The hunger in his eyes is enough to


    take me over the edge. The attention of all three of my guys makes the adrenaline


    rush


    through me. My lips part and I feel my muscles about to contract-


    "She''s about toe," Zaid says in that beautiful, gravelly tone.


    Jake and Aiden pull their hands away, leaving me breathless andpletely unsatisfied.


    Talk Later-1


    The movie ends, and everyone sighs in relief.


    Like the pent up sexual tension is just too much for any of us to take. Aiden presses a flutter of kisses on my neck and I melt into the couch, but Jake''s hands wrap around my arm and I''m pulled to my feet.


    Flustered, I blink. The heat in my cheeks makes me feel so hot and when Jake''s fingers unbutton the shirt, I blow out a breath of relief. He pushes the shirt down my arms until it falls to my feet.


    I''m naked, skin breaking out into goosebumps. Jake watches me, pressing a soft kiss to my hip. "Kiss them goodnight."


    He stands and walks to the kitchen, leaving me with Zaid and Aiden. Aidenes up to me first, his hands cupping my face before his lips press to mine. His tongue delves into me, his hands at my waist, then my hips, then my ass.


    He pulls away, breathing heavy, his eyes are dark, lips pursed. "I''m still angry."


    My chest aches.


    "Hurt."


    "I''m sorry."


    He tucks my hair behind my ears. "We can talk tomorrow."


    I nod, and he kisses me on the forehead before walking away. Zaid''s hand sys


    on my lower back, and he turns me toward him; other hand fisting the back of my neck as he


    kisses me.


    He thrusts his hips against mine, and I moan when I feel his erection between my


    legs. "I''m gonna have to take a cold shower, love," he whispers.


    I smile, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Think of me?"


    His nostrils re. "Always."


    4:00 pm


    Talk Later-1


    His eyes shift from mine, looking over my shoulder. I see a sh of anger cross


    his eyes and I know Jake has walked back into the room.


    "Goodnight, love." He rubs his hands down my arms as he pulls them from his neck.


    "Goodnight," I whisper, thrown off by the expression in his eyes.


    I turn to face Jake, his eyes taking me in. He devours me with his gaze, nostrils


    ring and jaw clenching. I chew on my lip, using everyst bit of my courage to


    not cover myself with my hands.


    With a shaky breath, I whisper. "Jake, I''m so sorry."


    His eyes lift from my legs to my eyes.


    "I really didn''t-"


    "We can talk about itter," is all he says. He makes his way around the couch


    and sits in front of me. I swallow, suddenly nervous.


    My eyes are glued to his face, but I see his hands move. I hear the sound of his


    zipper and belt buckle opening.


    "Kneel."


    I do. Right in front of him. Between his legs. I say nothing as he grabs the back of


    my head. He watches me, eyes hooded, and I keep my eyes on him even as he softly rubs the head of his cock along the seam of my lips. My mouth waters, the plug in my ass suddenly making me feel full.


    He smells divine. Masculine and clean. I feel myself turn wet, but I keep my


    expression


    neutral.


    Jake licks his lips. "Open your mouth."


    I do. Everything he says, I do.


    "Keep your eyes on me."


    "Don''t touch yourself."


    Talk Later-1


    "Don''t move."


    "I move you."


    The anticipation in me builds up, and my mouth continues to water. It''s been too


    long since I''ve had him in my mouth. He answers my desires, pressing his cock


    between my


    lips.


    I breathe, opening my mouth wider.


    He moans, continuing to push in. I''m holding on by a thread, swallowing to stop


    the sudden need to gag.


    "Fuck, baby."


    I watch him, keeping my eyes on his hooded ones. He loosens his hand on my


    hair for a second before tightening it and then pulls out, thrusting back in. I moan,


    and he feels the vibration throwing his head back.


    I see his throat move. He''s trying to regain his control, but I know that is


    impossible when he lowers his head and I see that crazy hunger in his eyes.


    He grunts, holding the back of my head with both hands.


    It''s the only indication I get before he thrusts into me relentlessly. He uses his hips


    and moves my head at the same time. It stings, my breath leaving me and tears


    streaming down my face.


    It burns, but it burns so good.


    I''m dripping onto the floor from how wet I am and my fingers twitch on my thighs. I


    can''t


    touch myself.

 Chapter 124

    Talk Later-2


    This is my punishment.


    The reminder sends a shiver down my spine, right to the plug in my ass. Is this really punishment if it''s turning me on so much?


    I can''t help it; I ce my hands on his thighs, his pace just a little too much for me to handle. But before I can push him away, he stills.


    His entire body tenses, a throaty moan leaving his lips. His fingers dig into my scalp and he pumps a couple of more time. Hot cum fills my mouth, coating the back of my throat. I breathe in through my nostrils, keeping myposure.


    I swallow, taking every stream of cum he shoots into my mouth.


    He blows out a steady breath of air and pulls out of me. My jaw is sore, and I pant, catching my breath. He wraps his hands around my waist and lifts me, setting me on hisp.


    He peppers kisses along my jaw and down my neck. "So fucking good, baby."


    I kiss him back, my lips on his neck and down his chest. "I''m sorry."


    He shushes me, cupping my face to bring my gaze to his. "I know you are."


    I shake my head. "I wasn''t trying to keep you a secret. I just didn''t know how."


    His thumbs rub circles on my cheeks. "All that matters is that you want to be with me."


    "I do."


    His eyes watch me, but he nods stiffly. He stands, his pants down to his ass, my legs around his waist, and he walks us to his room. I can''t help but chuckle against his lips at how ridiculous we must look.


    Jake''s enjoying it, too. He smiles, and it reaches his eyes, turning them warm. It''s beautiful, and I lean toward him, pressing my lips to his. He moans in his chest, relieved and happy.


    1:01 pm


    Talk Later-2


    He closes the door to his room behind us with his foot and makes his way to the bed. He drops me there, finally utching our lips. As he pulls away from the bed, he undressespletely, my eyes devouring him.


    His cock is only half hard now, but I know his stamina. I know he''ll be hard again soon and then I''ll have him inside me again.


    I feel like he can read my thoughts because he shakes his head. "Not tonight, baby."


    Disappointment flutters through me.


    My punishment.


    He lies beside me, holding onto my waist to bring me as close to him as possible. His eyes trace my face, so many thoughts crossing his mind.


    "Do you still want to talk?" I whisper.


    He presses his lips together. "Can we talk tomorrow?"


    I nod, running my hand down his chest."


    "I''m just worried about you being involved with all of us."


    I frown at that. He wasn''t worried when he thought it was just Aiden. "Is it because three people are a lot, or because Zaid is the third person?"


    He sighs, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Zaid is my son, and I love him, but he isn''t exactly the best."


    Indignation burns through my chest. I''m so close to just blurting out everything that Aiden and Zaid confided in me, but I manage to keep my mouth shut. The need to defend Zaid is intense, like I''m failing him if I don''t.


    "I don''t want you to get hurt."


    I shake my head. "Zaid wouldn''t hurt me."


    Jake narrows his eyes and inhales. "Alina-"


    "I don''t want to talk about Zaid. You can talk to me about anything else, but my


    Talk Later-2


    rtionship with Zaid is separate from you."


    His jaw clenches, but he nods regardless.


    I cup his face, turning his gaze to mine. "Can you respect that?¡±


    "I can."


    "Thank you."


    We kiss after that, taking our time as we let our tongues explore each other like we haven''t kissed in ages. His hands caress my body, and I let my skin melt at his touch. He helps take the plug out and by the time we''ve brushed our teeth and washed our faces,


    I''m ready to sleep.


    The lightness in my chest at finally having my biggest secrets out is apanied by anxiety. There''s anotheryer to Zaid and Jake''s rtionship and I''m not entirely sure what I can do about that.

 Chapter 125

    Domestic-1


    The first thing I notice when I wake up is the empty space beside me.


    I run my arm across it while I attempt to open my eyes fully. Jake''s warmth is


    gone, and I don''t miss the way my stomach drops. I blink, inhaling as I push myself up, holding the sheets to my bare chest.


    With my lips pursed, I look at his side of the empty bed and notice the folded note


    sitting on his pillow. A small smile curves my lips, and I reach for it.


    Making breakfast for us. Come join me when you wake up. - J


    I shake my head, amusement bubbling in my chest. The idea of Jake in the kitchen,


    cooking breakfast, is not something I ever expected to be able to enjoy, but here we are. I slip out of bed, shivering slightly as the cool air reces the warmth of the nkets, and grab one of his simple long-sleeved shirt and a pair of his


    briefs.


    I''ll shower after breakfast; right now I am just eager to see him.


    As soon as I step into the kitchen, my smile widens. Jake is there, standing by the stove, wearing an apron of all things. He doesn''t have a shirt on, just his pajama bottoms, and


    he''s flipping waffles onto a te.


    The sight is so effortlessly sexy, so domestic, that it tugs at my heart.


    Jake nces over his shoulder and smirks. "Morning, baby."


    "Morning," I murmur, rubbing my eyes.


    He turns just as I reach him, leaning down to kiss me. It''s slow andzy, the kind of good morning kiss that makes my stomach flutter. I push myself onto the tips of my toes, giving him more of me.


    "Waffles?" I ask when we pull apart, arching a brow at him.


    He chuckles, taking the te and moving toward the dining table. "Figured I''d


    spoil you a little. I can''t remember thest time I''ve had waffles."


    I follow him, noticing how he''s set the table with tes, utensils, and even a small


    vase


    Domestic 1


    with fresh flowers. My heart squeezes at the gesture, and I take my seat as he sets a te in front of me before sitting across from me.


    As we start eating, the mood shifts. Jake''s eyes darken slightly with intent, and I feel the shift in the air before he even speaks.


    "Can we talk now?" he asks, voice firm.


    Nerves tighten in my stomach, but I nod, cing my fork down. "Okay."


    He exhales, setting his own fork down as well. "I don''t understand why you kept


    me a secret when Aiden was already okay with Zaid."


    I swallow, my fingers tightening around the edge of my te. "I thought it would


    be


    different."


    Jake shakes his head. "What do you mean?"


    "Jake, you''re their father. The dynamic would be different, and I was afraid it wouldn''t work," I admit, my voice quieter now.


    He ponders on that for a minute. "The dynamic would be different?"


    I nod.


    He sighs, swallowing. "You''ve told me before why you think dating me would be a mistake. Our age difference, the face that Aiden is my son... has any of that changed?"


    I blink at him. "Yes."


    His eyes dart between mine. "What has changed?"


    "I''m still with Aiden and Zaid. I didn''t have to choose." My chest burns when I say


    the words, especially when I see the sh of hurt in his eyes.


    "If it were just me, you wouldn''t choose me?"


    My lips tremble, not knowing how to answer honestly without hurting. "I have


    feelings for them, too, Jake. That''s the reality."


    He seems less hurt with that, and his inhale is enough to calm my nerves. Still, he


    Domestic-1


    watches me closely, considering my words. "So, was it really just that you were afraid of Aiden saying no?"

 Chapter 126

    Domestic-2


    I nod slowly. "I didn''t want to break this family. Not another one."


    The words slip out before I can stop them, and immediately, I regret it. The weight of my past crashes into me. The guilt, the pain of surviving when my father and brother didn''t. I suck in a breath, looking down at myp, running my fingers over my scar.


    Jake doesn''t hesitate. He reaches across the table, hisrge, warm hand


    wrapping around mine, grounding me. "Alina. You''re not going to break us. You haven''t broken anyone."


    I lift my eyes to his, and they''re steady, unwavering.


    "I care about you," he continues, giving my hand a squeeze. "And we''re going to be together. No more secrets. No more guilt."


    A lump forms in my throat, and I nod, blinking back the emotion threatening to spill


    over.


    He leans in, capturing my lips in a kiss that''s both reassuring and iming.


    We don''t pull apart. We get closer. Jake stands from his chair, keeping his lips on mine as


    he rounds the table to my side. I''m wet with need almost immediately, my heart


    hammering in my chest as he lifts me by the waist and ces me on the edge of the table.


    We keep our tongues intertwined, moans filling the space, and he pulls on the waistband of his briefs, pulling them down my legs. I push on the waistband of his pajama bottoms, moaning when my handes in contact with his cock.


    It''s hard, thick and hot.


    We finally pull apart to look down at each other, my eyes taking in the pre-cum on the head of his cock and Jake slowly spreading my legs. He sets my feet on the edge of the


    table so he can drop his hands from my knees and uses his fingers to spread my lips.


    A shudder goes down my spine and I whimper as his finger traces me from my opening to my clit.


    "You''re soaking."


    "Jake," I whisper.


    Domestic-2


    His eyes lift to mine, and he''s licking his lips, setting himself at my entrance. He pushes in and I immediately feel myself stretch and take him in.


    "Fuck, you''re so ready for me."


    I nod, breathing out as I keep my gaze locked on where he''s entering me. "Greedy pussy."


    I moan, throwing my head back and opening my legs wider. "I want it all, Jake."


    He grunts, holding my hips and thrusting into mepletely. The table rocks beneath us and I scream. "That''s right, let them hear me fuck you."


    He thrusts into me relentlessly, and I don''t hold back my volume. I moan, scream and take every inch of him. Aiden likes to hear me get fucked and I want to find him with a hard on for me and help him through it.


    My skin breaks out into goosebumps at the thought, the image of fucking Aiden after this. I don''t really care at the moment if it''s terrible to think that or not.


    Jake suddenly stiffens, his muscles contracting as he holds me close to him. His teeth nip at my neck and he moans,ing in long, warm spurts that line the walls of my pussy.


    I''m breathing heavily and wrap my arms around his neck, seeking his lips. I kiss him hard, biting him, devouring him. He''s trying to catch his breath, but he indulges me with his


    kisses.


    "Well, I didn''t expect this to be the first thing I see in the morning."


    Jake and I snap our heads to the side. Zaid stands there with a smirk on his face and his


    arms crossed on his chest.

 Chapter 127

    Take a Break


    Heat floods through me, but to my surprise, I feel no need to cover myself. My legs are still spread wide on the table and Jake is still balls deep inside me, though I can feel him


    turning soft.


    Anger shes in Jake''s eyes and he pulls out of me, making me wince from the sudden loss of his cock. He stuffs himself back in his pants and lowers my legs so that my knees


    are closed together.


    He looks down at me and kisses me. It''s deep, hungry. His hands grip my neck and he tightens his hold, making me moan. He pulls away, nostrils ring. "I have to head to the office today, but I''ll be hometer."


    I nod. "Okay."


    He walks away, passing Zaid. They knock shoulders, and Zaid rolls his eyes, not really acknowledging Jake. Zaid makes his way toward me, and his hands immediately go to my


    waist.


    I can feel Jake''s cum inside me and I squirm, ufortable. He notices and a gleam of


    amusement shes in his eyes.


    He cups my face, touch gentle and my body lights up as if I wasn''t just fucked on this table by Jake. I lean into him, sighing contentedly, but his next words pull me out of my


    haze.


    "You know we go back to school in a few days, right?"


    My stomach drops. I blink, staring at him, the weight of reality sinking into my chest. I don''t want to think about school. About going back to normal. About the world outside of


    this house, where everything has been simple, where we''ve existed in this strange, perfect


    cocoon.


    Of Zaid leaving again.


    "Do you have to go back to boarding school?" I ask carefully.


    Zaid shakes his head, lips twitching slightly. "My dad can''t make me." He rubs his fingers across my cheeks.


    4.03 pm 1


    Take a Break


    I frown. "But he made you go before."


    He exhales, looking away for a second, his jaw tightening. "He didn''t make me. I went because I didn''t want to be here. I didn''t want to be around you."


    My breath catches in my throat and I think back to how everything was so messed up in those days he had left. Aiden was lying to me, and Zaid was trying to tell me when he wouldn''t. "You didn''t?"


    Zaid scoffs, shaking his head. "You were dating Aiden, and it was obvious that you hated me, that you didn''t want me."


    A pang of guilt hits me, even though I know it isn''t something I could have controlled. I shift closer, reaching up to touch his face. He lets me, his eyes dark and steady on mine. I brush my lips against his, slow and soft.


    "I didn''t hate you."


    He smiles. "You certainly did."


    I bite. my lip because maybe he''s right, but I don''t anymore. "Well, I think I just


    didn''t understand you then."


    He quirks an eyebrow. "And you do now?"


    I shrug. "I think I understand you better. There''s still so much to know."


    He kisses me, bringing our bodies closer. When we pull apart, I make sure he''s


    looking right at me as I say my next words.


    "I want you here," I whisper. "I want you to stay."


    Zaid studies me for a second before a slow smile pulls at his lips. "Yeah?"


    "Yeah."


    He kisses me again, deeper this time, his fingers curling around my waist. "I had ns today," he murmurs between kisses. "Some friends wanted to hang out, but


    I can cancel. We can spend the day together."


    I hesitate, pulling back slightly. "No, you should go. I actually... I need to talk to Aiden."


    Take a Break


    Zaid''s expression shifts. He''s not upset, just disappointed. He nods. "Yeah, that makes sense after yesterday."


    "I''m all yours tomorrow," I whisper.


    That makes his smile return, his thumbs brushing my cheeks again. "I like the sound of that, love."


    I kiss him goodbye and watch him from my perch on the table as he walks out of the house. I look at the mess of tes and the dirty kitchen, making a mental note to clean after I shower.


    I make my way upstairs and saunter toward Aiden''s room. His door is slightly open, and it only quickens my pulse to think that he heard me downstairs.


    With a gentle shove, I open the door and lean on the frame, crossing my arms over my chest. Aiden looks up from where he''s sitting at his desk, his features in a frown.


    He''s flustered, his hair a mess, and papers scattered all across the top of the desk. He''s in his sweatpants and nothing more. I smile at him, raising my eyebrows. "Are you working on Mr. Admas'' book report?"


    His eyes look me up and down. I''m still only wearing Jake''s shirt. "Trying," he responds,


    huskily.


    There''s still a barrier between us after everything that happenedst night, but I''m here to remedy that. "You want to take a break?"


    His eyes widen, body stiffening. "Break?"


    I straighten, grabbing the hem of the shirt and peeling it off my body and over my head. "I''m going to go shower."


    Aiden''s eyes gleam and when he turns to stand, I see that perfect hard on of his pushing against his pants. "You want me to join?"


    I nod, spinning on my heel and walking toward the bathroom. His steps are heavy behind me and when we''re both in the bathroom, I face him, my breath leaving me when I see that he''s already naked.


    4:03 pm Nnnn


    Take a Break


    He crowds over me, pushing me deeper in the bathroom until my bare ass hits the


    cold countertop of the sink. I hiss and he smirks, licking his lips.


    He leaves me for a second to turn on the shower, returning to me andtching his


    lips with mine. He kisses me like he''s hungry.


    "We still need to talk about my dad," he mutters between kisses.


    I nod, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Okay."


    He keeps his lips on my skin, down my neck. "But we can do thatter."


    I chuckle. Of course it will beter.

 Chapter 128

    Fourth Man


    Zaid was right.


    Aiden was more upset with the lying than he was with the fact that I was with Jake, or that I wanted to be with Jake. Things settled into a routine really quick and the next few days went by in a sh.


    Next thing I know, it''s Monday and I''m walking down the school hallways with my hand in Aiden''s. It''s just us here. Zaid is still expelled from Melview, so even though he didn''t return to boarding school, homeschool is the only option for him. We stand in a circle during lunch. Nikki, Parker and some other of Aiden''s teammates are with us, talking about break and what we did over the holidays.


    Aiden slips his hand into my back pocket, pulling me closer to him until my hip bumps against his. He looks down at me, a smirk ying on his lips.


    He leans toward me, his lips on the crown of my head, and he whispers so only I can hear. "You know, I kind of like this."


    I nce at him, smiling. "Like what?"


    He shifts, moving closer to me and running his lips down my face until he kisses my lips. We''re ignoring the entire group, but they don''t seem to notice. "Being the only one here with you. Feels like old times."


    Something sharp twists in my chest. Old times. I try to hide the panic shuffling through me. Back when it was just Aiden and me. When I didn''t know what it felt like to want


    more.


    To want all of them.


    I force a smile, but it feels off. "Yeah. Old times."


    But I can''t imagine going back to just him. Things might be a bit more


    Aiden''s smile disappears as he looks over my shoulder, and he sighs heavily. "Oh, shit."


    03 pm 1


    Fourth Man


    I turn around and I can hear the blood rushing to my ears. Sadie is sauntering


    toward us, her posse right behind her, including Will.


    Aiden wraps his arm around my waist protectively.


    "Well, well, if it isn''t Alina and her favorite Matthews." She rolls her eyes when she looks


    up at Aiden.


    I freeze for half a second before I school my expression. She stops in front of us, her arms crossed, a smirk curling her lips. My chest tightens involuntarily, but I force my shoulders to stay loose. I try not to even let my eyes shift over to Will. Sadie tilts her head, her gaze flicking between Aiden and me. She trying to look condescending and it only increases the anger boiling inside me.


    She twirls her hair between her fingers. "Now that I''m with Zaid, I guess you can keep the younger, less experienced brother."


    A crazy smile curls her lips as she speaks, but all I see is an insecure little girl. Aiden smirks, and a snort escapes him.


    I arch an eyebrow, crossing my arms as I try to hide my smile. "You''re with Zaid?"


    Sadie rolls her eyes, like I''m being ridiculous, and looks down at her fingernails. "You really forgot he took me to the wedding rehearsal?"


    I fight to keep my expression neutral. I press my lips together, but the hint of a smile threatens to slip through. I want tough at her; tell everyone right here in the open that


    Zaid is as much mine as Aiden is.


    Aiden lets out a shortugh, shaking his head. "Yeah, my brother is not dating you."


    Sadie''s eyes turn angry, and she presses her teeth together. "You jealous, Aiden?"


    Aiden''sugh is a bark, mocking. Sadie''s confidence fades away with every second, her girls closing in around her. They look at us like we''re the heartless ones. I still don''t look at Will, not knowing if I could give him the same hardness I give Sadie.


    "How can he be jealous if you''re lying?" Nikki asks, stepping up to stand next to me. Her shoulder brushes mine and I''m thankful for her support.


    Fourth Man


    Sadie looks between all of us. "I''m not lying."


    Aiden frowns, mockingly. "So if I call him up, put him on speaker, would he say you two are dating?"


    Her cheeks turn red and her lips tremble. Her eyes go from Aiden to me to Nikki, then back at me. "Whore."


    The insult bounces off of me like it''s nothing as Sadie walks away with her little group. I turn to see Nikki scowling like she wants to strangle Sadie, and I chuckle. "Thanks for standing up for me."


    Nikki crosses her arms on her chest and turns toward me. "She''s a bitch."


    I exhale slowly, pushing past whatever nerves are bubbling inside me. I''m not scared of Sadie. "We can just ignore her."


    She tilts her head, matching my smirk. "Good."


    Once all the adrenaline from that confrontation is gone, we all split up and head to ss. It''s then when the nerves in the pit of my belly start because Aiden isn''t in this ss with


    1. me.


    I sit alone in the back, keeping my head down as I ignore everyone else that fills


    the seats. It''s not until someone drops themselves into the seat beside me that I lift my eyes.


    I kind of wanted to sit alone.


    A wide smile and familiar brown eyes meet mine. "Sup, Alina?"


    "Jace?"


    He leans back in his chair. "You remember my name."


    I smile back at him. "Why are you sitting with me? Zaid''s not here."


    He only shrugs. "Told me to keep an eye on you once I told him Will was back at school."


    For some reason, that makes my chest swell.


    "He did?"


    4:03 pm


    Fourth Man


    Jace nods. "You have him wrapped around your little finger."


    I blush.


    He leans in close, eyes narrow. "He told me everything."


    That only makes me blush harder.


    "You ever think about adding a fourth man to that equation; just give me a call."


    Okay, he''s joking. It makes me feel infinitely less judged and I smack his arm at the same time I scoff. "Jace!"


    Heughs. "Yeah, don''t tell Zaid I said that. It was a joke."


    We settle in for ss and Jace follows me around for the rest of my sses. He reminds me of Zaid, and it makes me feel just that much more at ease.

 Chapter 129

    I Missed You


    I throw the covers over my head and bury my face in my hands, my cheeks


    burning with humiliation.


    Oh. My. God.


    I threw myself on top of Zaid. While he was on camera. With his entire ss. And the idiot said nothing.


    A mortified groan escapes me as I curl up on my bed, wishing I could disappear into the sheets. Is there a time machine?


    Maybe I can find one and take that all back.


    Never kiss him.


    Never go into his room.


    I breathe out. Okay, but maybe things aren''t so terrible. When will I ever see them again? Neyer, right?


    Oh fuck, but I was literally grinding on him.


    I''m never leaving this room again. Ever.


    A soft knock on my door makes me peek from under the covers.


    Before I even respond, Zaid pushes it open and steps inside,pletely unfazed.


    I groan and pull the covers back over my face.


    "Go away," I mumble, but ites out like a whine.


    He chuckles and I feel the bed dip as he sits down beside me. "Love."


    I try to turn away and put distance between us, but his hands search for me, his


    fingers tickling me as he finally gets the covers off of me.


    That doesn''t stop me from covering my face with my hands, though.


    His chucklees out deep and throaty. God, he evenughs beautifully.


    I Missed You


    I peek between my fingers, only to find him grinning at me, his dark eyes full of amusement. My face burns hotter.


    "Zaid, it''s not funny," I whine, sinking deeper into my humiliation.


    He shakes his head, his hand sliding along my arm as he gently pries my hands from my face. His touch is soft, teasing, but firm enough that I can''t resist him.


    "Come on," he murmurs, brushing his lips against mine in a featherlight kiss. "No hiding."


    I look up at him, embarrassed beyond belief. "That was so humiliating," I say, voice muffled against his chest when he pulls me into him. "I think that''s the most embarrassing thing I''ve ever done."


    His chest shakes withughter, his fingers tracing slow circles on my back. "Embarrassing? Are you kidding? I thought it was hot."


    I groan, smacking his arm. "Making out with you in front of your entire ss? That is not


    hot."


    He catches my hand before I can pull away,cing his fingers through mine. "It is, trust


    me."


    I grimace, biting my lip as I ce my hand on his chest. "Did you get in trouble?" He smiles. "A little, but it was worth it."


    His words make something inside me flutter. "I just..." I exhale softly. "I missed you."


    His expression shifts. The teasing edge fades, reced by a softer, more serious look. For a second he looks insecure, like the words I''m speaking were lies. He studies me for a moment before nodding, like he''s letting the words settle inside him.


    "You did?" he murmurs, his thumb brushing over my cheeks.


    I smile at him, wanting to reassure him. ¡°Yes. Thank you... for telling Jace to look out for me. Now that Will is back, I ¡ª it helped."


    Zaid''s jaw tightens slightly, but he nods. Then he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, lingering there for a beat.


    4:06 pm fin


    I Missed You


    "I wish I could be there," he whispers against my skin. "To keep you safe myself. I wouldn''t let that fucker even look at you."


    My heart aches at how much he cares. Iy my head against his chest and listening to his heartbeat, trying to ignore the pull in my chest. Aiden was too worried about Sadie to even acknowledge Will. He didn''t-


    I snap out of my thoughts. I can''tpare them. They''re my guys and doing that isn''t fair. I blink, bringing myself back to the conversation.


    "I know," I whisper against his chest.


    He cups my cheeks and lifts my face, our eyes meet, and for a moment, nothing


    else exists. He leans in, capturing my lips in a kiss.


    I melt into him, everything that happened today suddenly forgotten. Our kiss turns hungry and desperate.


    "Zaid," I beg against his lips.


    He growls, setting me on the bed so he can stand. He undresses quickly and I watch with my jaw open. He only smiles at me and reaches for me, undressing me just as quickly.


    My skin prickles from the cold, but he soothes me with his body on mine, hot and heavy and nothing between us. I part my legs, settling them around his waist and he moans when his cock settles at my pussy.


    I grind against him, needing him to know how much I want him.


    He drops his hand between us, feeling just how wet I am, and he hisses. "Jesus,


    love, are you always so ready for me?"


    He trails kisses down my neck, gathering my wetness with his fingers and spreading it down to my asshole. I tense. Insecurity floods me, wondering if he will ever want me in


    any other way.


    Instead of guessing, I grab his hand and ce it right over my pussy. "Right here, Zaid, I


    want you right here."


    His eyes snap to mine, they narrow, studying me for a second. "I need you to say


    the


    08 pm


    I Missed You


    words, love."


    I blink at him. He had said that before, but I don''t know what words it is he needs


    to hear. Whatever I saidst time wasn''t enough. "Say what?"


    His jaw clenches. "When you know, you''ll understand."


    "Zaid-"


    I don''t get any other word out as he ces his cock at my asshole and slowly pushes in. I hiss, pain radiating through me as he stretches me to take him. I arch my back, my fingers digging into his shoulders.


    "Rx, my love."


    He rubs my clit and I slowly turnnguid with his touch. He fucks me slow, his eyes on mine. It''s the first time he''s done so while facing me, and the intensity in his eyes makes my stomach flutter.


    "You''re so beautiful," he whispers, tucking my hair behind my ears as he thrusts into me.


    My legs tremble, but I manage to run my hands across his chest and down his torso. "So


    are you."


    I''m breathless, my clit turning sensitive with every touch.


    He never takes his eyes off of me, watching me as he slowly takes me and slowly


    brings me to my climax. We cum together, and my blood runs hot.


    We lie in each other''s arms for a few minutes and then he kisses the crown of my


    head. "Want to get something to eat?"


    I nod against his chest. "I''m starving."

 Chapter 130

    Middle of ss


    Aiden''s fingers drum lightly against the steering wheel as he pulls into the driveway.


    He doesn''t unlock the doors immediately, so I turn to him. The engine is still humming, the car thrumming around us. He shifts and suddenly his lips are on mine, his hands cupping my cheeks.


    He pulls away long enough so I can breathe.


    "I don''t want to let you go yet," he murmurs, leaning in before I can respond.


    His lips press against mine again, slow at first. I smile into the kiss, but when he deepens it, tilting my head back with his hand, I let out a softugh.


    I try to push at his chest, but he keeps kissing me.


    "Aiden," I mumble against his mouth, pushing harder at his chest, "let''s go inside.".


    He groans, his forehead dropping against mine. "Yeah, but the second we step inside, I have to share you. Right here, it''s just us."


    I smile at him, but something in my stomach twists-not in the way it should. I force another chuckle, brushing it off like it''s nothing, but the words settle in my chest like a


    weight.


    I feel the heavy lump in my throat, but this is a deeper conversation that requires much more of my time and attention. Aiden''s struggling. I can see it.


    I can feel it.


    He kisses me once more before finally pulling away and shutting off the engine. I grab my bag, step out of the car and Aiden follows close behind, his hand


    ghosting over the small of my,


    my, back as we head inside.


    The house is quiet, the familiar scent of cedarwood and something sweet lingering in the air, like there are cookies in the oven. My stomach grumbles at the thought.


    I head into the living, and find Jake there on the couch. Hisptop is on his knees,


    a ss of whiskey on the table beside him. There''s a game on the T.V. but it''s muted and he has a


    4:05 pm


    Middle of ss


    frown on his eyes.


    Things at hispany are still in disarray.


    He looks up when he hears me, exhaustion evident in the tightness around his


    eyes. It pulls at my chest and I make my way toward him.


    "Hey, baby," he whispers, closing theptop and setting it aside.


    He runs his hands down his face and Ib my fingers through his hair. Just like that, some of the tension in his shoulders disappears.


    His hands find my waist and he pulls me onto hisp and kisses me. His arms hold me tight and he breathes, relieved, as if I make him feel better just by being here.


    Like he needs me.


    "Jake," I whisper, holding onto the cor of his shirt. It''s unbuttoned, giving me a view of his muscled chest. "Is everything okay?"


    His jaw clenches, eyes shifting to his closedptop. "No, everything''s a mess. My CFO has apparently been stealing from me."


    gasp. "What?"


    "I don''t think we would have caught him if he didn''t...die."


    He grimaces when he says the word, and I swallow, scooting impossibly closer to


    him. "What are you going to do?"


    He shrugs. "Nothing? He''s dead. His family is mourning."


    I frown. "He stole from you."


    "But what good coulde from it? I don''t want nor need the money. His wife''s been


    through enough."


    I cup his cheeks. "You''re a better man than they deserve."


    He presses a soft kiss to my lips and exhales against my mouth, like he''s been


    waiting all day just to do that. "Stay with me tonight?"


    405 pm. I


    Middle of ss


    I hesitate, the request making my chest tighten. I''ve been nning to see Zaid all day.


    "Not tonight," I tell him gently, brushing my fingers over his cheek in apology. "Tomorrow?"


    Jake sighs but nods. I stay on hisp, and we talk about our day as we kiss. Eventually, he tells me he has to finish some reports and I kiss him onest time.


    I head upstairs, anticipation running through me. I stop at my room first, freshening up and changing into a clean t-shirt and shorts. Zaid''s door is closed, forcing me to knock.


    "Yeah?" He calls, but it sounds distant, like he''s not paying attention.


    I open the door, walking in to him sitting on his bed with hisptop and a frown on


    his face. I press my lips together. I want to smile just from looking at him.


    He makes my insides jump, my heart race in my chest.


    He gives me a sideways nce, and then his entire attention shifts from the


    screen to me. A relieved smile softly lifts his lips. "Hey, love."


    I make my way toward him, crawling across his bed until I''m in front of him and I


    kiss


    him.


    The moment my lips touch his, everything inside me warms. My body melts into his like I belong nowhere else but right here. He exhales sharply against my mouth and he shoves hisptop to the side, cing me on hisp.


    His hands tighten around my waist, pulling me even closer until there''s nothing between us but heat and the sharp edge of wanting more.


    He''s hard.


    I rock against him and he moans. "Alina, love."


    "Yes?" I whisper, but give him no chance to answer.


    My fingers grip his shirt like I might float away. A warm, overwhelming feeling


    rushes through me,


    like every good thing I''ve ever wanted is suddenly within reach.


    He''s the one the pull away, breathless and heart racing.


    4:05 pm In


    Middle of ss


    "I would love to keep kissing you and see where this leads, but I''m in the middle of ss, love."


    My cheeks heat and I pull away. When I look toward hisptop, dread makes my stomach drop. An entire ss and a teacher awkwardly look at us through their


    cameras.


    I gasp, shoving at his chest and scampering off hisp. I run away, mming his door behind me as I make my way to my room,


    Chapter Comments


    5

 Chapter 131

    How Things Were


    It''s been a week.


    A week since I''ve seen Jake.


    Not even in passing have I caught his gaze. Thankfully, Aiden and Zaid have been with me every day. Keeping mepany, distracting me, making me feel loved.


    But Jake? He''s been swallowed whole by work. I''ve been thinking about him so much, to the point where I''m thinking of reinstating the phobia chants in my head. Even when I''mughing with Aiden or tangled up with Zaid, Jake is on my mind.


    I miss him.


    It''s starting the feel like it did when I forced myself to stay away from him.


    The board is pushing him to tak¨¦ legal action against histe CFO''s family. They want repayment. They want blood. But Jake doesn''t. And it''s been draining him to be the only one against it.


    Even if he is the founder and owner, he has the board top answer to.


    So for the past week, I''ve only received little notes from him. His handwriting is terrible, but I cherish the small apologies scribbled onto the expensive cardstock. Even more so when they are tucked between the petals of the flowers he sends


    me.


    My room is filled with them, vases on my nightstand, my dresser, my windowsill. They''re beautiful.


    But I miss him. I want him, not flowers.


    I sit on the edge of my bed, staring at the bouquet he sent this morning. I make up my mind there and then that I want to see him. Enough is enough.


    I stand up and pull my red dress from the back of my closet. It''s short, silky, and just revealing enough to make a statement. He won''t be able to ignore me, regardless of how much work he has piled up.


    I pair it with heels, letting them click against the hardwood floor as I make my way


    to my


    4:06 pm 11


    How Things Were


    vanity. A little eyeliner, soft waves in my hair, a hint of gloss on my lips.


    Satisfied with how I look, I grab my coat and head for the door.


    The moment I step down into the living room, I freeze when I catch Aiden and Zaid walking out of the kitchen with a load of junk food.


    Zaid''s body tenses instantly. His dark eyes drag over me, slow and intense, his jaw tightening. He doesn''t say a word, but the way his expression hardens tells me enough.


    I shift between my feet, pressing my lips together.


    Aiden lets out a low whistle. "Damn, baby," he drawls, his lips tilting into a smirk. "You look sexy."


    Heat rushes up my neck, and I lower my gaze, suddenly feeling like I''m caught with my hand in the cookie jar.


    I smooth my hands over the fabric of my dress. "Do you think Jake will like it?"


    Zaid doesn''t respond. Instead, he clenches his jaw, turns on his heel, and walks away. I watch him go, a strange tightness settling in my chest.


    Aiden drops what he has in his arms on the couch and makes his way toward me. He grabs my chin and tilts my face up toward him, bringing my gaze to his.


    "He''s gonna love it," he murmurs, brushing his lips over mine in a soft kiss.


    My heart is hammering in my chest now, my stomach twisting. "You think so? I haven''t seen him and I miss him. I just want to -"


    He tightens his grip on me and forces my gaze right back to his. "He''s going to love it so much that he''ll want to take it off you the second he sees you."


    I roll ''my eyes, but my stomach flutters at his words.


    Aiden grins, grabbing his car keys. "Come on, I''ll drive you."


    He keeps his hand on my thigh as he drives and I pick at his knuckles, nervous to bring up


    the next conversation.


    How Things Were


    "Aiden," I start softly, having to clear my throat when it cracks.


    His hand flexes on the wheel. "Yeah?"


    I bite my lip, gathering the courage to say what''s been weighing on me. "How are


    you really feeling about all of this?"


    He doesn''t look at me, but I see the way his shoulders tense. "What do you mean?"


    I let out a quiet sigh. "About us. About me being with you, Jake, and Zaid."


    His fingers tense on my leg, just for a second, and then he puts both hands on the wheel. "It''s fine."


    His voice strains. I keep my eyes on him, my stomach doing somersaults.


    "You saidst week how you like being the only one with me at school. That it reminds you of old times."


    He nods.


    "Do you want things to go back to how they were?"


    Aiden exhales through his nose, his lips pressing into a thin line. His silence stretches between us. It''s ufortable. I ce a hand on his thigh forfort and it seems to draw him from his thoughts.


    He sighs and nods. "Is it bad that sometimes I do?"


    I swallow hard. I expected that answer, but hearing it out loud still makes my chest


    ache.


    "I miss when it was just us. When I didn''t have to share."


    I stare at him, my throat constricting. "Aiden - "


    "I know," he cuts in before I can say more, his voice thick with frustration.


    I tighten my hand on his thigh.


    "I know you love us all. I know you don''t want to go back. And I get it, I do." He shakes his head slightly. "But that doesn''t mean I don''t miss what we had."


    4:06 pm


    How Things Were


    A lump forms in my throat. "I know, I get it."


    His jaw clenches. Silence falls between us again.


    I drop my gaze to myp, my fingers curling around the fabric of my dress. "Losing any of you would hurt me deeply. I don''t think going back will ever be an option."


    He nods, but there''s disappointment in his eyes.


    I hate this. I hate the thought of him holding onto something that can''t be real anymore.


    Finally, Aiden sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It''s something I have to work on. And get over."


    I don''t know what to say to that, but I find the words. "I don''t want you to feel like you''re losing me."


    He lets out a small, humorless chuckle. "I know. And that''s the problem, Alina. I know I haven''t lost you, but it feels like I have. I just have to learn how to share you."


    My chest tightens, and I reach over to nt a kiss on his cheek. Neither of us says anything for the rest of the drive.


    When he pulls up in front of the building, he turns to me, his expression softer


    now.


    "Good luck," he says, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.


    I smile, my fingers curling around the door handle. "Thanks."


    With a deep breath, I step out of the car, straighten my dress, and make my way inside.

 Chapter 132

    Trying To Kill Me


    The moment I step into the building, my breath catches in my throat. For as long as I''ve been dating Aiden, I''ve been here once, and yet it''s like I''m seeing it for the first time all over again.


    The ce is huge. High ceilings, sleek ss walls and clean, white marble floors that make my heels ck loud. The sound echoes and I grimace. Apart from me, it''s so quiet.


    Most of the lights have been dimmed, and the only people I see are a single receptionist behind a massive desk and a few security guards stationed by the elevators.


    It''ste, after office hours, but Jake is still working. Actually, the empty office might make


    this a little easier on my nerves.


    I square my shoulders, ignoring the nervous flutter in my stomach, and approach the receptionist. She barely nces up from the book in her perfectly manicured hands and fixes me with a bored, unimpressed look.


    She looks me up and down and sters the fakest smile on her face, setting her book facedown on the desk.


    "We''re closed for the day. There''s no reason for you to be here." Her tone is clipped,


    almost mean.


    I falter slightly, my fingers curling around the sleeves of my coat. "I''m just here to


    see


    Jake."


    At that, she raises an eyebrow, her lips twisting into a sneer. "Mr. Matthews is a very busy man. He doesn''t have any appointments at this time."


    My chest aches at how condescending she sounds. I shift on my heels, biting my lip. "I don''t have an appointment. I just... I''m just going to go up to his office, okay?"


    Sheughs, shaking her head as she leans back in her chair. "Good luck with that. No one gets past them without clearance."


    She nods towards the guards that stand beside the doors. I purse my lips; none of them would recognize me. I nce at the reception as I pull out my phone. This wasn''t how I imagined this going.


    Trying To Kill Me


    I wanted to surprise Jake, show up at his door without him knowing I was heading


    his way. Instead, here I am typing out a message to him.


    A: I''m in the lobby. The receptionist won''t let me up. I wanted this to be a surprise...


    I barely have time to lock my screen and put it back in my pocket before the receptionist''s desk phone rings. She sighs dramatically and answers it with a roll of her eyes, but the moment she hears the voice on the other end, her posture stiffens.


    "Yes, sir," she says quickly, eyes flicking to me. "Of course, sir. I-yes. Understood."


    She hangs up, her expression shifting to one of forced politeness. "I apologize for the inconvenience, Miss."


    Secondhand embarrassment floods through me. "No worries."


    She refused to meet my eyes and nods toward the security guards. "Please let her up to Mr. Matthews'' office."


    I can tell she''s struggling to keep it together, probably having been reprimanded just now. The thought makes me smirk a little as I walk past her toward the elevators, my heart racing with anticipation.


    The elevator ride up feels endless. My heart pounds in anticipation, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my dress. I smooth out the fabric, suddenly nervous despite my


    determination to see Jake.


    At thest second, I decide to remove my coat so that he can see me in the dress instead.


    It only makes my stomach flutter that much more fiercely. I''ve missed him so much it


    aches.


    When the doors slide open, I step out into a sleek hallway. I make my way toward his office, my heels clicking softly against the polished floor. There''s an empty


    desk outside. his doors and I''m sure it''s for his secretary.


    My fingers tremble slightly as I push open the heavy door.


    Jake is behind his desk, his sleeves rolled up, his tie slightly loosened, his focus locked on


    Trying To Kill Me


    hisptop screen. The top buttons of his crinkled shirt are open and I lose my breath at the sight of him.


    And the moment I step inside, his head lifts, his sharp dark eyes finding me.


    And he freezes.


    His gaze rakes over me, slow and deliberate, drinking in every inch of me. The red dress hugs my body perfectly, the heels adding a confident sway to my step. By the way his jaw tightens and his eyes hood over, I can tell he appreciates it.


    A slow, hungry smile tugs at his lips, and he drags his hand down his face. "Alina." His voice is almost like a growl. He leans back in his chair, eyes full of hunger. "You''re trying to kill me, aren''t you, baby?"


    I bite back a smile, walking toward him, setting my coat on the small couch. "You''ve been so busy," I breathe.


    His eyes soften.


    "I wanted to see you."


    His chair rolls back as he stands, closing the distance between us in two strides. Before I can take a full breath, his hands are on my waist, his warmth burning through the thin fabric of my dress.


    "I''ve missed you," he murmurs, his lips brushing my temple before trailing down, skimming over my cheek.


    My breath catches.


    "Jake," I whisper.


    He tilts my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. The longing in his eyes, the sheer need, sends heat curling through my veins.


    He kisses me. It''s not soft. Not tentative.


    It''s deep, iming, full of all the pent-up frustration, longing, and desire that''s been simmering between us. His hands lower to my thighs, skimming my skin as he slowly


    4:06 pm


    Trying To Kill Me


    makes his way up and beneath my dress.


    "Shit," he mutters. "Bare for me?"


    He grabs my ass, lifting me and settling my legs around his waist. My pussy


    settles itself right against the seam of his pants, his erection already prodding at


    me.


    I melt into him, my fingers tangling in his hair.


    I kiss him back just as fiercely, and he sits back down on his chair. He groans against my lips, massaging my ass until my dress is bunched up at my waist. For the first time in a week, I breathe.

 Chapter 133

    A Lot That Needs Fixing


    He fucks me there.


    I don''t even get my dress off, and he only manages to free his cock from his pants. We''re


    entangled, hungry and desperate for each other, so it''s heavy, but quick.


    I breathlessly pant over his lips as we bothe down from our climaxes, and my entire body trembles when he runs his fingers down my neck and spine.


    "Fuck, you''re beautiful."


    I smile, still breathing hard.


    He stands and settles me on the couch, pulling out of me. He straightens his clothes and heads back to his desk, grabbing hisptop as I fix my dress.


    Thirty minutester, I''m leaning against his shoulder, my fingers tracing small patterns over the fabric of his shirt as he types away.


    We, don''t even have to speak; being away from him for a week makes just the warmth of


    his presence enough.


    He finally exhales, stretching his fingers before shutting theptop with a soft click. He sets it aside, rubbing his tired eyes with his knuckles.


    I run my hand through his hair. "Are you done for the day?"


    He kisses me on the crown of my head, bringing me closer with his arm on my waist. "I


    have so much to do still, but it can wait until tomorrow."


    I pull back, tracing circles on the part of his chest that''s visible through his open shirt. "Jake."


    He hums in response, his fingers idly brushing up and down my arm, his eyes on mine.


    "Can we talk about something?"


    He stills for a second butposes himself. "Of course."


    I continue, choosing my words carefully. "About you and Zaid."


    4:07 pm


    A Lot That Needs Fixing


    His hand stops moving. I watch his jaw tighten slightly, a telltale sign of tension.


    "What about me and Zaid?" His voice is soft, and yet still tense.


    I shift, sitting up so I can face him properly. "What is going on between you two? Whatever it is, it doesn''t feel right."


    Jake sighs, leaning back against the couch, his gaze drifting for a second before returning to me. ¡°There''s a lot between us that needs fixing, Alina."


    I look down, intertwining our hands. ¡°It just makes me sad. I have feelings for you both and the tension... it''s a lot."


    His jaw clenches, and he exhales. "There''s a lot.''


    "Like what?" I press gently.


    He studies me for a moment. "How much has Zaid told you about him going to juvie?"


    My stomach tightens, remembering that he doesn''t know the truth.


    I swallow, choosing my words carefully. "I know why he was there."


    Jake''s face darkens. "Then you know how reckless that was."


    I see the anger in his eyes, and while I understand it, I also hate it.


    His voice isced with frustration. "I can''t wrap my head around why he would do something like that, especially after his mother."


    Ice cold panic rushes through me. My stomach turns and I ignore the sound of blood rushing to my ears.


    Jake''s brows furrow. He runs a hand down his face before meeting my gaze again. "You know he was driving, right?"


    The words hit like a hammer to my chest.


    He was driving?


    "I know he carries the guilt of it every day. It wasn''t exactly his fault, but to go


    through


    4.07 pm


    A Lot That Needs Fixing


    that and then ruin his future by doing something so dumb like that?"


    My breath catches, my vision blurring at the edges as my hearing turns muffled.


    My heartbeat pounds in my ears. I try to process what he''s just said, but it feels like my brain refuses to function.


    I didn''t know he was driving. Zaid never told me that.


    He was driving the car when his mother died.


    I feel sick.


    I mp my lips shut before I can say anything, because the truth burns on my tongue. I want to yell at him that it wasn''t Zaid that was street racing; it was Aiden.


    But it''s not my ce to reveal that. Not now. Not like this.


    I inhale shakily and force myself to nod, acting as if this wasn''t life-altering


    information. "His future''s not ruined."


    His eyes shift between mine. "I know you believe that-"


    "You don''t?" Indignation raises my voice.


    Jake exhales, raking a hand through his hair. "I can only try so hard, Alina. He has


    to do his part, too. He doesn''t try to talk to me. He has an attitude that drives me


    up the wall."


    I bite my lip, swallowing my emotions as I nod again. I want to see both sides of the story, but most of me can''t help but side with Zaid. I know the pain, the struggle, the trauma.


    I know that he took the me to save Aiden.


    "Maybe you both need to talk." It''s the only thing I manage to say. I don''t trust myself to speak, not when my mind is racing, not when my heart feels like it''s breaking for Zaid.


    Sensing the shift in mood, Jake softens. "I promise we will. This is important to you?"


    I nod, leaning in close. "Yes, because you are both important to me. I want us to


    be okay, to be able to be in the same room and have a good time. All of us


    together."


    "Okay," he concedes, kissing me softly. "We''ll get there."


    A Lot That Needs Fixing


    I smile at him and the tension eases.


    He tilts my chin up with his fingers, brushing his lips lightly against mine. "You hungry? We can go out to eat."


    "Yeah, that sounds great."


    Jake smirks, his eyes darkening as his hand slides to my waist, pulling me closer. My skin breaks out in prickles as he pushes me on my back. He grips my knees, spreading my legs


    apart.


    He lowers himself, his breath fanning my pussy. My stomach coils and I watch him with wide eyes.


    "Good. But I want my dessert first."


    They''re thest words he says before he lowers his mouth to my pussy. I moan, gripping the leather sofa as I lose myself..

 Chapter 134

    He Holds Me-1


    I stand in front of the counter in my pajamas. I watch the coffee as it pours down, almost ready.


    It''s Saturday morning and I look forward to spending the day with all three of my guys today. Those are my favorite. I turn to watch the light through the blinds. Aiden is probably still dead asleep from how much we didst night.


    A smile spreads across my cheeks as I think about it.


    The smell of coffee gets stronger and I inhale, enjoying the rare moment of stillness.


    Just as the coffee finishes brewing, a pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind. I hold on to his forearms, immediately recognizing him. Jake''s lips brush against my neck in azy, affectionate kiss.


    "Good morning, baby," he murmurs, his voice still thick with sleep.


    A smile tugs at my lips as I lean into him, resting my weight against his chest. "Good morning."


    I hum as his tongue moves down my neck. He lowers the cor of my shirt down my shoulder and bites down softly on my skin. I jolt, giggling. "Jake.¡±


    His hold around my waist tightens slightly as he rests his chin on my shoulder. "I''ve missed you."


    I turn my head slightly, brushing my lips against his. "I haven''t seen you in a few days. How''s work been?"


    Jake sighs but smiles. "Things are finally looking up. I think I''ve finally convinced the board to settle."


    I tilt my head, relieved and genuinely happy for him. "Oh, that''s great. That''s what you wanted, right?"


    He nods, pressing another kiss to my shoulder. "I just want this to be over. I want to be home with you."


    He Holds Me-1


    Before I can respond, Aiden walks into the kitchen, his hair aplete mess, eyes stillced with sleep. I hold in my chuckle. "Isn''t this a bit early for you?" I tease.


    Jake''s chest vibrates with his ownugh. "I''ve never known you to wake up before ten on


    a weekend."


    Aiden rolls his eyes, but he clearly enjoys the teasing. He grins when his gaze finds mine, stepping forward and cupping my face as he presses a soft kiss to my lips,pletely unbothered by the fact that Jake still has his arms around me.


    "Morning, babe," he says. "I had funst night."


    I blush profusely, too aware of Jake at my back. "Me too."


    Jake lets out a low chuckle behind me, his lips finding my neck again. My body responds


    to having both of their attention, wetness pooling between my legs.


    But before I can do anything about that, it''s Zaid who enters the kitchen. Jake''s body tenses immediately, his arms dropping from my waist as he takes a step back to dig


    through the fridge.


    Zaid''s eyes flick to Jake, something unreadable passing through them before he turns his attention to me. I force myself to stay rxed, telling myself that they just need time.


    They''ll work through whatever''s between them. They have to.


    He leans in, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me until I''m dizzy. My legs turn to jelly and god, these men are going to kill me.


    "Hi, love."


    I smile at him, suddenly unable to speak.


    He smirks, reaching around me. He serves me my coffee, adding just the right amount of sugar and milk. I smile in thanks as he hands it to me, his fingers brushing mine briefly.


    Aiden leans against the ind. "Valentine''s Day is in a couple of weeks. We should probably start nning how we''re splitting that up."


    Jake says something, but I don''t hear it.


    Valentine''s Day. The words hit me like a freight train.


    He Holds Me-1


    My grip tightens around the coffee mug, my heart pounding in my chest.


    Blood rushes to my ears, drowning out the casual banter between Aiden and Jake


    as they immediately start arguing about who gets me for the day.


    Valentine''s Day.


    The day my world shattered.


    Subconsciously, my fingers drift to my wrist, tracing the faint scar there.


    Chapter Comments


    Amy Craig


    POST COMMENT


    Her dad was distracted with the kids ying. He turned around to look at Alina and when he turned back around it was tote. So yes, her dad was the one driving. She is ming herself b...


    Lisa


    wait.. I am confused... previously it was her dad driving... brother in the front and her in the back... she was "teasing" her brother... dad got distracted and crashed... or am I imagining tha....


    VIEW ALL 4 COMMENTS >


    1

 Chapter 135

    He Holds Me-2


    A sh of headlights. The violent sound of metal crunching.


    I close my eyes, trying to steady myself, to push it all back down.


    When I open them again, Zaid is watching me. His brows are slightly furrowed, concern etched into his features. His handes to rest on my waist, and he pulls me close to


    him.


    "Are you okay?" he asks, voice low enough that the others don''t hear.


    I nod quickly, too quickly. "Yeah. I''m fine."


    But I can tell he calls bullshit.


    Jake and Aiden are too busy bickering to notice as Zaid takes my hand in his, squeezing gently before leading me out of the kitchen. I follow him wordlessly, my breath unsteady as he guides me to his room, closing the door behind us.


    It''s, only when we''re alone that I finally crack.


    The weight of it all crushes me at once. A choked sob escapes before I can stop it, and suddenly, I''m crumbling.


    Zaid takes the mug from my hands and ces it on his desk before holding me tight against his chest. "I''ve got you."


    My entire body shakes as I sob.


    "I''ve got you."


    The words unravel me further. I hold on to him, my fingers brushing over the scars on his torso, and the violent need to word vomit hits me. I pull away, his hands on my cheeks as


    he watches me.


    "I caused it," I finally whisper, my voice barely audible.


    Zaid blinks at me. "What?"


    "On Valentine''s day."


    He Holds Me-2


    Realization crosses his features, and he closes his eyes. "Shit, love."


    I inhale sharply, forcing the words out before I lose the courage. "My dad took us out that morning. Breakfast, then the store to get flowers for my mom-just-"


    My throat closes up. Zaid''s hold on me tightens.


    I force myself to continue. "I distracted dad. It was my fault. I should have just left Alex alone. We rolled."


    A sob breaks free, and Zaid holds me closer, his hand rubbing slow circles on my back.


    "Alex wasn''t wearing his seatbelt." My voice shatters on thest word, and I break down


    Zaid doesn''t say anything. He walks us to the edge of his bed where we sit.


    He just holds me as I fall apart, as years of grief and guilte crashing over me. "It was my fault-"


    "No, no. Don''t say that," he says, voice soft and yet determined.


    "I killed them." 2


    He pulls back, anger in his eyes. He cups my face, making sure I look directly at him. His eyes are dark, intense. Burning.


    "Don''t you dare say that." His voice is rough, almost angry, but not at me. At the thought. At the weight I''ve been carrying for years.


    I shake my head, trying to look away, but he doesn''t let me. His grip is firm but gentle, his fingers tilting my chin back up, forcing me to meet his gaze.


    "Things happen. You didn''t choose for that to happen. It was an ident." His jaw clenches, his throat working like the words physically hurt him.


    I want to yell at him that he doesn''t understand. But he does. Finally, for once,


    someone


    does.


    "You''ve been carrying this guilt for so long, and you shouldn''t have to. You didn''t


    kill


    8. pm


    He Holds Me-2


    them, love."


    My lips tremble. The memories are so strong, so suffocating, and the guilt has lived inside me for so long that I don''t know how to exist without it.


    Zaid sees it. He sees the war happening inside of me, and instead of letting me spiral, he pulls me back against him, his arms locking around me.


    His voice is softer now, but just as steady. "You loved them. They loved you. And they wouldn''t want you to do this to yourself."


    His lips press against the top of my head, lingering there as his grip on me remains unyielding. I break then, fully andpletely.


    And Zaid? He holds me.

 Chapter 136

    Breathe


    It takes me a good hour to calm down, to stop the sobbing and to dry my face.


    There''s no hiding the fact that I was crying, though, and the fact that I''ll have to exin that to Jake and Aiden makes my stomach turn.


    We head back downstairs, Zaid''s hand in mine and my coffee in his other hand.


    Jake does a double take from where he''s making breakfast, his eyes turning angry. "What''d


    he do?"


    Zaid shakes his head with a scoff.


    I make my way to Jake and nt a kiss on his cheek. "Nothing, I promise."


    He looks unsure and when I turn to meet Aiden''s eyes as he chops fruit; I find him frowning between Zaid and I.


    He doesn''t ask me anything, so the four of us make breakfast together silently. Zaid


    makes new coffee and serves me a fresh, warm mug.


    Over breakfast, Jake''s sharp gaze lingers on me longer than usual, and Aiden nudges my


    shoulder as we wash the dishes together.


    "What''s up with you?" Aiden asks, his voice light. "You''ve been quiet. You were crying."


    I force a small smile. "I''m fine. I''m just tired."


    He nods, but there''s a hesitancy to whether he believes me or not.


    Jake leans against the counter, arms crossed, eyes scanning me like he''s trying to figure out what I''m not saying. "Maybe you need a break from us. You''ve been spending the night, with one of us every night."


    "Yeah, for like two weeks," Aiden adds.


    I hum in agreement. It''s because they keep the thoughts away, the nightmares and the tears away.


    "You''re probably exhausted," Jake whispers, running his hand down my arm.


    Breathe


    Zaid, though, he doesn''t say anything. He just watches me with those dark, unreadable


    eyes.


    The hours pass and we go grocery shopping in the afternoon. The four of us pile into Jake''s car, and I let myself get caught up in the normalcy of it all.


    The bickering over which brand of pasta sauce to get, Aiden throwing random snacks into the cart, Jake scolding him like he''s a child, and Zaid staying quiet but never straying too


    far from me.


    I feel the warmth of his hand brush against mine more than once, feel the way his fingers graze my lower back when we stop to grab something from the shelves. Every time I look at him, his gaze is already on me, and when I catch it, he just leans in slightly, whispering kisses across my cheeks.


    He doesn''t push. Doesn''t ask. Just reminds me he''s there.


    I don''t know how to thank him for that.


    By the time dinner rolls around, the mood is lighter. The four of us cook together, and for a little while, everything feels normal again. The tension inside me eases, if only for a


    little while.


    I almost forget.


    After dinner, I make cookies, and Aiden turns on the music while we wait for them to bake. He grabs my hand, spinning me around in the kitchen, making meugh as he moves dramatically to the beat.


    He shoves his hips against mine, and I''mughing so much my stomach hurts.


    Jake sits at the table, watching with an amused smile.


    Zaid, however, remains quiet. His expression unreadable, his focus entirely on


    me.


    Even as I twirl in Aiden''s arms, I feel Zaid''s gaze on me. He hasn''t pushed, hasn''t brought up our conversation from earlier, but he hasn''t let me out of his sight either. It should


    make me feel suffocated, but it doesn''t. It makes me feel safe.


    It makes me feel seen.


    Breathe


    As I''m wiping down the countertop, Jake steps behind me, wrapping his arms


    around my waist. "You know we have people that do that."


    I chuckle. "Clean?"


    He nods against my shoulder.


    I shrug. "I don''t mind. It helps me clear my head."


    He grabs the rag from my hand and tosses it in the sink. He spins me in his arms,


    making me face him. "I can help you clear your mind."


    He kisses me deeply. His tongue explores my mouth as he holds me close. When we pull


    apart, I''m panting. My eyes drift over his shoulder where Zaid and Aiden are walking in.


    I smile softly, cing my hands on Jake''s shoulders. "I think I''ll sleep alone in my


    room


    tonight."


    Aiden crinkles his nose, but since I was with himst night, it doesn''t bother him much. "Fine. But I''m going out with Parker tonight."


    "Don''t be out toote," Jake says. He lets me go, letting Aiden kiss me goodbye.


    As Aiden walks away, Jake takes me back in his arms. He tucks my hair behind my ears and kisses me softly. Gentle. "Goodnight, baby."


    I give him a peck and then it''s just Zaid and I.


    He hesitates. His lips press together, his jaw tensing like he''s physically stopping himself


    from saying something. I see the conflict in his eyes, the urge to ask me if I''m really okay, to push just a little, to remind me that he knows I''m not fine.


    Instead, he leans in, kissing my forehead. "Goodnight."


    I swallow the lump in my throat. "Goodnight."


    I go to my room, climb into bed, and stare at the ceiling. The room feels too big. Too quiet. Too cold.


    I turn onto my side. Then my other side. I toss and turn, my stomach twisting. My chest aches, the weight of everything pressing down on me. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to


    4:08 pm


    Breathe


    will away the memories, the guilt, the endless loop of it''s my fault that keeps


    ying in my head.


    Every time I close my eyes, I feel like I''m suffocating.


    I can''t do this.


    Before I even think it through, I throw off the nkets and slip out of my room. My


    feet move on their own, my body already knowing where I need to be.


    Zaid''s door is closed, but I don''t hesitate. I open it quietly and step inside.


    He''s awake. Sitting up against the headboard, his phone in his hand, but the second he sees me, he puts it down.


    Neither of us says a word.


    I don''t have to ask. He doesn''t have to offer.


    I walk to his bed, and he lifts the nket for me without hesitation. I climb in


    beside him, pressing my face against his chest as his arms wrap around me.


    I finally breathe.

 Chapter 137

    Stay With Me


    The next few days pass in exactly the same way.


    It''s all a haze.


    I wake up, go to school,e home and pretend like everything is fine. Even if it''s not. February always does this to me. Just the reminder of that day sends me into a mental


    and physical spiral.


    The weight of it settles deep inside, pressing down on me.


    It''s been two years. Two years since the ident. Two years since I lost my dad and my brother. And still, no matter how much time passes, no matter how much love I have surrounding me, February drags me down into a ce I don''t know how to escape from.


    Zaid tries to shake me from my mood, but not even hisfort is enough to chase my demons away. Aiden knows something is up, but he never really questions me, even when


    we talk.


    Jake has been avoiding mepletely.


    I avoid intimacy, flinching at the thought of letting myself feel too much. But every night,


    like clockwork, when the loneliness bes unbearable, I find myself in Zaid''s bed.


    He never asks questions. He just holds me.


    I make it as far as Tuesday before Jake has had enough


    We''re all sitting at the dinner table, the quiet sound of forks clinking against tes filling the air. I barely pick at my food, my appetite nonexistent.


    Then Jake sets his fork down. The sound is deafening.


    "I need to know what''s going on," he says, his voice steady.


    I tense when I lift my gaze to his. He''s not angry, just hurt, and he''s looking right at me.


    "You''ve been distant. You get home from school and barely say a word to us. You haven''t


    been sleeping with me. Is something wrong? Did- Did I do something?"


    Stay With Me


    Aiden and Zaid are quiet, neither of them saying or doing anything.


    My throat tightens. I stare at my te, my fingers clenching in myp.


    I feel Zaid''s eyes on me. When I nce at him, his gaze is gentle but urging, silently telling me that it''s okay.


    Aiden notices the look, his brows furrowing as he nces between us. "What is going


    on?"


    I inhale.


    Aiden pins his look at Zaid. "What do you know that she hasn''t been telling us?"


    I swallow hard, my voice barely above a whisper when I finally speak. "The ident.......It happened on Valentine''s Day. Two years ago."


    Silence. I can feel their eyes burning into me.


    Aiden exhales sharply, and Jake leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair.


    "February is tough, and when you were talking about Valentine''s Day-"


    "Shit, Alina. I''m so sorry," Jake trails off, his expression shifting to something softer.


    Aiden pushes back his chair and walks around the table, wrapping his arms around me from behind. His chin rests on my shoulder, and he squeezes me tight. "You should''ve told us. We would have understood your need for space."


    I shrug, blinking back the burning in my eyes. "I didn''t want to bring it up. I didn''t want it to ruin anything. I don''t know if I want to do anything on Valentine''s."


    Jake shakes his head. "You''re not ruining anything. We just-" He sighs, rubbing a hand over his jaw. "We want to help."


    I nod, because I know that. I do. But how can they help? What can they do?


    Jake takes over, changing the conversation so that we can move on from the heavy topic. I''m thankful that I don''t have to talk about it anymore, but that doesn''t stop my mind from spinning.


    Stay With Me


    After dinner, we move to the living room, pulling out board games and cards to keep my mind busy. It works.


    I getpetitive.


    So do they.


    We''re screaming at each other over the coffee table when we all suspect Aiden of cheating. He justughs. "What? Because I''m winning I have to be cheating?"


    "Aiden, you''re winning by way toorge a margin,¡± Jake shakes his head, wrapping an arm around my waist to draw me onto hisp.


    Iy back against his chest andugh. "Aiden,e on, be honest."


    He barks augh, taking out a stack of cards from his back pocket.


    Zaid leans back, throwing his cards on the table. "I knew you weren''t that smart." That makes us allugh.


    Jake''s fingers run absentmindedly through my hair, and the steady beat of his heart is soothing. We listen as Zaid and Aiden recount stories from when they were younger, about how many times Zaid caught Aiden cheating at games.


    Jake lowers his hand and draws circles on my waist. His breath fans my ear and he whispers. "Stay with me tonight."


    I close my eyes, letting myself focus on his warmth. On his touch. I can''t avoid


    him


    forever. My body is ready for whatever distraction he can offer. I''m done with the wallowing.


    I nod.


    He breathes out in relief. "Shower?"


    I nod.


    He nts a hot kiss on my neck and helps me up. Zaid and Aiden understand immediately


    and we all say our goodnights, not missing Aiden''s annoyance and


    Stay With Me


    Zaid''s worry.


    We all make our way upstairs.


    "I''ll meet you in there, Jake," I say, staying behind to talk to Zaid.


    Jake looks between us and nods, heading into his room.


    Zaid''s dark eyes shift to me, his throat moving as he swallows thickly. "You''re okay?"


    I nod, taking his hand in mine. "Yes."


    "You sure?"


    I smile at the sentiment in his voice and step closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. ¡°Yes. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me thesest few days."


    He wraps his arms around me.


    "I know you understand better than most." My voice trembles.


    He exhales, kissing the crown of my head.


    "But I don''t want to wallow forever."


    He nods. "I know. I just- just as long as you''re okay. And you want this."


    "You don''t have to worry about me when I''m with Jake or Aiden."


    He pulls back, looking down at me, his eyes on mine. He finally nods and kisses


    me softly before heading into his room.

 Chapter 138

    Feel Wanted


    I push the door to Jake''s room open, expecting to find him waiting. Standing by the door, or even by his bed.


    But the room is empty. Frowning, I step inside and look around, wondering where he''s gone. I hear the sound of running water and make my way toward the master bathroom.


    My feet are soft against the floor and anticipation lights my body at the thought of showering with Jake.


    Of touching him.


    of finally not letting my mind run like crazy.


    As I step inside the bathroom, I see Jake standing beside the tub, filling it with water. My stomach coils. He''s shirtless, wearing only a pair of sweatpants that fit him so perfectly.


    He runs his hand beneath the water, checking the temperature.


    He doesn''t see me yet, so I take advantage, leaning against the doorframe to watch for a moment. My heart flutters at the sight of him.


    He makes me feel like this is home. It''s so domestic, like the sight of him making


    me


    breakfast.


    The way he moves, the muscles in his back shifting as he works, makes me way too aware of the fact that I haven''t had sex in days.


    He must hear my soft breathing because he turns, offering me a smile that makes my insides tighten with heat and want.


    "I thought I''d help you rx," he says, his voice low.


    I nod, swallowing because this is doing everything except making me rx. "After everything that''s happened. You''ve had a lot to deal with these past days." His words are reminders, and I have to breathe slowly, reminding myself that it''s okay. That I want to live in the moment and not the past that haunts me day in and day out.


    4:09 pm


    Feel Wanted


    I smile, stepping closer to him. "I''ll only rx if you bathe with me."


    His smile deepens, eyes twinkling with amusement. He wraps an arm around my


    waist and pulls me close. "I was just waiting for you to invite me."


    I can''t help the smallugh that escapes my lips, and the tension in my chest finally releases. Jake doesn''t waste a moment.


    He reaches for the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. His eyes take in my skin and I light up with hunger. He helps me out of my bra and my bottoms, and only when I''m standing naked in front of him does he start to take off his pants.


    My breathes out broken, his erection hard and ready for my touch.


    He steps aside, gesturing to the tub. Right, this is about rxing, not fucking.


    I climb in, settling into the warm water, feeling the heat immediately soothe my muscles.


    Jake joins me, grabbing my waist to lift me so that I straddle hisp as I sit. I moan when I feel his cock between my legs. Oh, I want it.


    Jake''s nostrils re, and he watches me. "I''m trying to keep my hands to myself."


    My breath is heavy and I nod, wanting to respect his wishes.


    His gaze softens as we settle down and he studies me, his legs stretched out beneath the water. The steam from the tub envelops us, and I close my eyes for a moment, just letting the warmth wash over me, my body sinking into thefort of the water.


    His fingers run up and down my spine, making me moan and drop my head to his chest.


    "You''re wanted here, Alina," Jake says softly, his voice a whisper. "You should feel like you can open up to any of us."


    I nod''slowly, fingers tracing the edge of his nipple. I know he''s right. I know they


    all care, all want to help me, to make me feel safe. But there''s something about Zaid that makes me feel more understood, more connected to him in a way I can''t exin.


    "I know, but Zaid understands me more. Especially when ites to the ident."


    There''s a brief silence, and I don''t look up, staring instead at the way his skin prickles


    Feel Wanted


    beneath my touch. Jake doesn''t push me further. Instead, I feel his hands lower to my legs, fingers grazing the skin just above my knee. His touch is gentle at first, then more persistent, sending a tingle through my body.


    He leans in, his lips brushing my ear, his voice deep and slow. "You deserve to feel good,


    Alina. You deserve to feel wanted."


    Before I can respond, he lifts my face and kisses me, his lips pressing against mine with a hunger I didn''t expect. His hands move, sliding along my sides, and the world around us seems to fade away. There''s no past, no future, just the warmth of the water, the heat of his body, and the way his kiss makes me forget everything else.


    My breath turns heavy, the need inside me coiling. I grasp onto his shoulders and


    I am so


    ready to just let him fuck me.


    But he pulls away, lifting me from hisp.


    "Jake?"


    He shushes me, flipping me to face away from him. He moves me, setting my hands on the edge of the tub and forcing my hips up, putting me on my knees. He spreads my leg, my ass and pussy on full disy for him.


    I try to look at him over my shoulder, but he shakes his head, a smirk on his face. "Turn


    around, baby."


    I watch him for a second longer, enough to catch his eyes widening as he takes me in and then I look back to the end of the tub. It''s like I''m blind, unable to piece together what he


    wants to do to me.


    His fingers prod at my pussy, finding my clit and pressing as they circle it. I moan, feeling the wetness pool at my entrance. He sticks two fingers inside me and I throw my head


    back at the sensation.


    "You like that?" He grunts, thrusting his fingers as he lights up my clit.


    "Yes. It feels so good."


    He hisses. I hear him move, the water beneath us sloshing. I wonder what his doing, my brows drawing together in a frown as I feel his breath on my skin.


    4:09 pm


    Feel Wanted


    My breath hitches when his other hand spreads my ass cheeks apart. "Jake-"


    His name turns into a moan, my entire body tensing when his tongue rims my asshole. Heat crawls up to my chest, but he doesn''t let me pull away. He holds me there with his hand in my pussy and his mouth on my ass.


    He eats me and fingers me until I cry out, convulsing against him. Chapter Comments

 Chapter 139

    Make Us or Break Us-1


    I wake up slowly, the warmth of the nkets wrapped around me making it hard


    to want to move. I hum, burying my face in the pillows.


    I don''t want to get up.


    The mattress dips, and the scent of fresh soap fills my senses. When I blink my eyes open, Jake is leaning over me. His hair is damp from a shower, his skin fresh and soft.


    He''s only wearing jeans as if he was dressing when he heard me stir.


    He kisses my forehead, cupping my neck as he lowers his lips to mine.


    "Good morning, baby," he murmurs, his lips still over mine.


    My body melts. I''m naked beneath the sheets. He didn''t touch me again after the tub, but he held me as we slept together, skin to skin, and I slept soundly.


    Everything in me is begging me to stay in bed.


    I pull away, dropping myself back on the pillow. "What time is it?"


    "It''s time for breakfast.".


    I lift my head, squinting my eyes at him, my brain still too sluggish to process anything beyond the fact that he looks ridiculously good this early in the morning.


    I barely catch the amusement in his voice and gasp when he pulls the sheets clean off me. The initial wave of the air has my skin prickling. I immediately curl up to conserve my


    warmth.


    But Jake doesn''t like that very much.


    I squeal, watching as he grabs my knees and spreads my legs apart, and the teasing glint


    in his eyes makes my heart stutter.


    He leans down, brushing a soft kiss over my clit, and I hum, letting myself melt into him. But when he lingers, deepening the touch of his tongue down to my pussy, I mumble, "Jake, I''m gonna bete for school."


    4:10 pm 10pm


    Make Us or Break Us-1


    He grins, pulling away just enough to meet my eyes. "You''re not going to school today."


    I blink down at him, confusion settling in. "What?"


    He quiets me with another kiss right on my pussy, this one longer, slower. My entire body lights up, want curling in the pit of my stomach.


    By the time he pulls back, my thoughts arepletely scrambled.


    He inserts two fingers inside me and I moan, arching my back as he returns his tongue to my clit. He takes his time until my thighs close around his head and I tense, feeling my orgasm rattle through me.


    I fall back, my body turningnguid, and all I can do is follow when he tugs me out of bed. He ces one of his shirts over my head and guides me downstairs, his hand warm around mine.


    When we step into the living room, I frown.


    The front door is open wide; Zaid and Aiden are packing up the car, stuffing duffel bags and coolers into the trunk. Aiden tosses a nket inside, and Zaid secures a box in ce before looking over his shoulder at me through the window.


    "What''s going on?" I ask, looking from them to Jake.


    Jake slides his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder. "This weekend is Valentine''s."


    I still.


    He squeezes me gently. "We figured you could use a distraction. So we nned something. Just the four of us."


    My chest tightens, but before the emotion can settle in, he continues, "I have a cabin up north. We can stay there for the next five days."


    I twist around to look at him, and when his words fully sink in, warmth blooms in my chest. Five days away. Just us.


    Aiden walks up, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Good morning, baby."


    410pm


    Make Us or Break Us-1


    Zaid follows, wrapping an arm around my waist. He pulls me away from them and right against his chest. "Did he tell you?"


    I nod quickly, my excitement recing the heavy weight I''ve been carrying.


    He tucks my hair behind my ear and kisses me, deep and intense. "You''re okay with this?"


    "More than okay."


    The three of them grin at my reaction, and I rush upstairs to pack my bag. I grab warm clothes, thick sweaters, leggings, and fuzzy socks before stuffing my toiletries into my bag. By the time I head back downstairs, the guys are already waiting by the car.


    The drive is full of stops, picking up food, nkets, and anything else we might need. Jake makes ament about not remembering exactly what he has at the cabin, so we stock


    up, just in case.


    By the time we load everything into the car, space is extremely limited. The trunk is full and the back seats are packed.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 140

    Make Us or Break Us-2


    "There''s no way we''re fitting in there," Iugh, shaking my head as Aiden shoves another bag into the trunk. He uses his entire body, shoving it in with his shoulder.


    Jake huffs. "Aiden''s too tall to sit in the back, he''ll have to sit in the passenger seat."


    Zaid pulls open the backseat door and looks at the single seat in the back that is usable. ¡°Looks like we''re going to have to share.¡±


    I roll my eyes, but there''s no real protest as I climb in, settling on hisp. His arms immediately wrap around my waist, holding me close.


    Aiden takes the passenger seat, and Jake slides into the driver''s seat, shooting me a dark look through the rearview mirror. His eyes drop down as if he''s looking to where Zaid has his arms around me and I look away, not able to see the jealousy running through him.


    I sigh, leaning back against Zaid''s chest. "If I suffocate you, it''s on you."


    Zaid chuckles, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. "I''m not against a bit of suffocation."


    Heat crawls through me, but I''m feeling lighter than I have in weeks. As Jake pulls onto the highway, I think about how it feels right to be with all three of them.


    That maybe these days in the cabin can make us or break us.


    Jake tells us that the drive will be just over two hours. He and Aiden start talking about basketball, how college searching is going. I listen, my heart happy with hearing how Aiden is so excited about what the future has for him.


    The ride is smooth as we make our way up the mountain; the road curving sharply with each turn. Snow-dusted trees blur past the windows, but I can hardly focus on the


    scenery.


    Zaid''s arms are wrapped around my waist, holding me securely on hisp; his warmth bleeds into me through my leggings and sweater. The positions should be ufortable, but I lean into him, sighing as I feel every inch of him at my back.


    His fingers slip under my sweater, finding my bare skin.


    Make Us or Break Us-2


    I inhale sharply as his fingertips graze the soft curve of my belly, his touch featherlight, teasing. Heat pools low in my stomach, spreading like wildfire through my veins.


    ¡°Zaid.¡± I shift slightly, trying to ignore the way his touch makes my body hum, but Zaid doesn''t stop.


    His lips brush against my ear, his voice a low rasp. "I''ve missed touching you."


    A quiet shudder runs through me, my breathing uneven as he trails slow,zy circles over my skin. His hands move with practiced ease, not rushing, just exploring, and the way his fingers tease as he ys with the band of my leggings makes me ache for more.


    My eyes drift to Aiden and Jake, but they are still full in conversation. God, I hope they can''t hear how hard I''m breathing.


    I try to keep it steady, to focus, but then Zaid presses his lips to my neck and plunges his fingers between my legs.


    He hisses when he feels how wet I am and I bite my lips to keep quiet.


    "Spread your legs for me, love."


    I do, without hesitation. His mouth keeps moving over my neck and his fingers circle my clit and then plunge into me.


    I gasp, my head falling forward until my head falls onto the back of Aiden''s seat.


    I barely register the sound of him shifting until his voice cuts through the thick air between us. "What the fuck are you two doing back there?"


    I freeze.


    (


    Jake nces at us through the rearview mirror, but it''s clear that he doesn''t need to see much to know. He exhales sharply, his hands gripping the wheel tighter.


    His lips lift in a scowl, his shoulders tensing. The car swerves as he practically yanks the car to the side of the road. The tires crunch against the gravel as wee to a jarring stop.


    Zaid''s chest rumbles with silentughter behind me,pletely unbothered. Meanwhile, my entire face burns, his hand still buried in my leggings.


    4:10 pm


    Make Us or Break Us-2


    Jake unbuckles his seatbelt and exits the car, rounding the hood with fast, angry steps.


    "Oh my," I whisper, anxiety and anticipation running through me.


    He makes his way around the car and heaves open our door. His eyes narrow in


    on where Zaid''s hand is stuffed in my leggings, and then he reaches for me. Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 141

    You Don''t Have to be Gentle


    His grip is hard. His fingers dig into my arm, but he''s careful, and when I look up at his face, I see the frustration.


    The hunger. The way his jaw is clenched so tight it looks like he might crack it.


    He''s not angry, not really. He looks desperate.


    He throws me over his shoulder, ignoring my surprised yelp as he carries me toward the trees, the snow crunching under his boots.


    Cold air bites at my skin, but his body is hot against mine, his hands gripping me like he needs me. He lowers me off his shoulder, pressing me against the rough trunk of a tree.


    "Jake, wh-what are you doing?" My body shivers, my muscles tensing when he falls to his


    knees and drags my leggings down to my ankles and off of me.


    It''s so fucking cold, but the heated look in his eyes is enough to warm me.


    He stands, leaning over me. "You think you can tease me?"


    I shake my head, trying to still the tremble in my body.


    "You think I can listen to your wet pussy, watch someone else touch you without wanting you myself?" The sound of his zipper fills the air.


    The cold is nonexistent by this time, everything inside me burning up.


    "Do you enjoy torturing me?" His voice is low, raspy, his breath hot against my lips.


    I don''t get the chance to answer before he lifts my leg around his waist and thrusts into


    1. me.


    Hard.


    I scream.


    His hand cup my face, fingers threading into my hair as his mouth crashes against mine. It''s messy, desperate, all tongue and teeth as he relentlessly thrusts into


    me.


    You Don''t Have to be Gentle


    It''s not pleasure, it all barely restrained hunger.


    He fucks me like he''s trying to brand himself into me, like he wants to erase every other touch, every other thought, until there''s only him.


    The bark digs into my back, but I don''t care.


    I want this.


    I need this.


    His lips move to my jaw, then my throat, sucking and biting, and I gasp as my fingers clutch his jacket, holding on for dear life. My cries are broken, my breath a panting mess.


    The coiled want in me builds until I''m rocking my hips against him, taking from him


    as


    much as he takes from me.


    The tension, the grief, the weight of the past few days, of the reminders of that day two years ago, it all disappears under his touch.


    His teeth graze the skin of my neck as he grunts, stilling and spilling his hot seed inside


    1. me. We breathe into each other, our chests bumping, our foreheads touching.


    He pulls back, moaning as he pulls himself out of me. I throw my head back at the feeling of emptiness. His hands leave me, a shivering cold covering me.


    But then Aiden is there, his hands sliding around my face as he tilts my chin up. His eyes


    search mine, softer, careful.


    groan, his hands kneading my ass as he lifts both of my legs to his waist.


    He takes his time, watching the features on my face as he slowly thrusts into me. "Aiden," I cry, wing at his shoulders.


    There''s a twitch in his features, that beautiful sign of his contained pleasure. He''s holding back, wanting to take it easy on me. But I don''t want that.


    "It''s okay," I grunt. "You don''t have to be gentle. You can fuck me."


    He growls, and then he kisses me.


    You Don''t Have to be Gentle


    It''s messy, still full of need, but he''s softer than Jake. He doesn''t take; he gives. His lips move with slow, savoring intent, like he wants to memorize the feel of me.


    I melt into him, my fingers curling into the fabric of his hoodie, letting him guide me as he deepens the kiss. His thrusts at fast and yet deliberate.


    He makes sure that I feel his balls on my ass, that I feel the shove of his hips all the way to my clit. He moves me himself, gripping my ass to lift me and drop me in synch with his


    thrusts.


    "Fuck, baby," he groans, his body tensing.


    I cross my ankles at his back, bringing us impossibly closer. It gives him no chance, and


    he''s grunting, giving me hisst thrusts that fill me with his cum.


    I let out a small gasp against his lips, but he doesn''t stop kissing me, doesn''t break the


    moment as he carries me back toward the car.


    By the time we reach the road, my head is spinning. My pussy is full. My lips are swollen.


    My body is buzzing.


    Aiden carefully sets me back down on Zaid''sp, his eyes dark and satisfied as he smirks


    down at me.


    Jake doesn''t say a word as he gets back in the driver''s seat. He just grips the wheel and pulls back onto the road.


    Zaid lets me lean back into his chest as I catch my breath. He moves me, draping my legs open over his thighs. The moan that leaves me as he reaches for my pussy is embarrassingly loud.


    (


    I cover my mouth, hoping to not be too loud as Zaid rubs my clit. I''m sore, and it stings from how hard Jake and Aiden fucked me.


    But Zaid''s touch is gentle, slow, teasing.


    I want to urge him on, tell him that I want to cum, but his heavy breath on my neck


    and his hard cock at my back tell me he''s enjoying this. This is for him, too.


    I grind my hips into him.


    You Don''t Have to be Gentle


    "Don''t cover you mouth, baby." Themandes from Jake, who looks at me


    from the rearview mirror for a second.


    "We want to hear you when youe," Aiden adds.


    Zaid''s lips trail up my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. "Let them hear, love."


    He circles my clit and I moan into my hand, the sound muffled. Zaid is slow and gentle as he reaches for my wrist, pulling my hand from my mouth.


    I let him, dropping my hand to my side. He plunges two fingers inside me and I gasp,ying my head onto his shoulder.


    "That''s it, love."


    He fingers me, circling my clit until my body clenches with my orgasm.


    My leggings long forgotten in the snow.

 Chapter 142

    You Get What You Want


    "There she is," Jakes mutters from the driver''s seat.


    I look ahead, taking in the modern cabin that sits in front of us. If you can even call it


    that. It''s more like a mansion. Of course it is.


    Zaid''s jacket is draped over my legs. I began to get cold after he finally let me rest from


    the three orgasms he gave me. He said the first two were the ones Aiden and Jake owed


    me, and the third one was from him.


    The cares to a stop in the driveway.


    The ce is surrounded by tall pine trees, making it private and beautiful all at the same time. The branches are heavy with snow and the sight is straight out of a Christmas card.


    Jake and Aiden don''t waste any time getting out.


    "We''ll go turn the heater on," Jake says, grabbing a set of keys from his pocket. "Make sure everything''s good inside."


    "I''ll get the garage opener and we can put the car in before it freezes over tonight," Aiden


    adds.


    Jake nods in agreement, already making his way toward the front door.


    Zaid and I stay in the car, and I shiver slightly as the warmth of the heater continues to


    blow against my skin.


    "You need your bag," he says, arms still loose around my waist.


    I nod. "Yeah, I need a pair of leggings. My other ones are-" I look back toward the trees, as if I could see them where we left them at the side of the road miles ago.


    He blows out a sharp breath from his nostrils, shaking his head.


    With his arm still around me, he reaches into the backseat, shifting bags around until he finds mine, pulling it onto the bags on our side.


    "Here," he says, unzipping it and helping me fish out a fresh pair of ck leggings.


    You Get What You Want


    I slide them on, wiggling slightly in hisp as I adjust them, and his hands flex at


    my


    waist.


    "Fuck, love. Careful, unlike them, I haven''t exactly relieved myself."


    My skin turns hot, aware all over again of the erection at my back. "Sorry."


    When I''m settled again, I turn to look at him, only to find him already watching me.


    His gaze is warm, curious. "How are you feeling?"


    I swallow, adjusting my sleeves. "I''m okay." A small smile tugs at my lips as I


    nce toward the cabin.


    His gaze follows me. "I have so many good memories of that cabin."


    I run my hands up his arms and to his neck, where I hold him close. "I really think this trip will be good for us."


    Zaid''s fingers trace small circles against my hip. "You want us all to get along."


    I nod, biting my lip. "More than that."


    He quirks an eyebrow.


    "I know we''re all still figuring things out, but I want this to work. I want us to work. And I don''t want it to feel like I have to hide things. That I have to walk on eggshells."


    His eyes soften, and he leans in slightly. "I know, love."


    For a moment, we just sit there in the quiet, the faint sound of a breeze shifting


    the tree filtering through the cold air. Then Zaid tilts his head, his lips quirking into a small smirk.


    "How did you feel about earlier?" His voice is low, teasing.


    I blink, thrown off for a second. "Earlier?"


    He raises an eyebrow, like he knows I''m stalling. "The fucking, love. How did you


    feel about being fucked up against a tree by two different men?¡±


    I p my hands over his mouth. "Do you have to be so crude?"


    You Get What You Want


    Heughs, licking my hands, forcing me to dorp them. "I''m just saying what you actually


    did."


    Heat rushes to my face. "Yeah."


    His smirk deepens. "Yeah."


    I press my lips together, trying to fight the blush creeping up my neck. "It was...a lot."


    I nce away, my fingers curling into the fabric of his coat. He stiffens, eyes dropping in a frown as he grips my chin and forces me to look at him. "Alina-"


    "But in a good way." I know where his thoughts are going, that he worries for me probably more than he should.


    His dark eyes take me in and he seems to find what he needs because he rxes and nods.


    I exhale sharply. "It was intense. And kind of overwhelming. But I liked it. I really


    liked


    it."


    He hums.


    "I never realized how possible it was to like being taken like that by people you


    trust, and want just as much."


    His hands tighten around me. "Yeah?"


    I nod, then drop my gaze, voice quieter. "I just wish you had been there, too. With


    us, in


    the trees."


    Zaid stills. "You want the three of us?"


    My heart hammers in my chest and I think I go lightheaded. Thought alone of the


    three of them, of their hands, their kisses, their cocks-


    It''s too much for me to take. Would it be possible?


    "Yes," I breathe, instantly turning hot at the confession.


    His nostrils re.


    You Get What You Want


    Then, without warning, he grips my chin, tilting my face up to his. His dark eyes search mine for a moment before he leans in, pressing the softest kiss to the corner of my mouth.


    "This is about you. What you want."


    I hold on to him tighter, suddenly needing him inside me. As if everything that happened earlier wasn''t enough to satisfy me. It should have been.


    But I realize now that without the three of them together in this with me, I will never be


    satisfied.


    "You want the three of us? Touching you? Fucking you? Kissing you?"


    My skin breaks out into goosebumps and I moan, throwing my head back as he kisses his


    way down my neck.


    "You get want you want," he murmurs, his breath warm against my skin. "I won''t let you go wanting."


    I breathe heavily, the image of the three of them making my head spin.


    He pulls back, smiling at me. "Let''s get out of here. We have a lot of unpacking to


    do."


    I huff, the heat in me slowly dissipating. Heughs, taking in the way I have to


    ease myself down from the high he gave me. I smack his chest, but it only makes his smile widen.

 Chapter 143

    I''ll Say Them-1


    I spend the next hour in the kitchen, putting away the groceries we bought earlier in the day. The guys are in and out of the cabin, grabbing the things from the car and cing them in their appropriate rooms and spaces.


    I smile to myself as I ce the things in the pantry.


    The inside of the cabin feels so much more homey than the outside. It''s warm with wooden beams and naturally colored wood furniture. There are no photos up, just like


    there aren''t any in the house.


    It makes me wonder about the memories Zaid has in this ce and if there are any


    indications of them besides the reminders he has in his head.


    I sigh, walking around the kitchen ind to stand in front of therge windows that look


    out into the snow-covered forest outside.


    It''s freezing, but it looks like a fairytale out there. It stopped snowing a bit ago, so


    now


    it''s the softness that I look at. I want to throw myself into it.


    I walk out of the kitchen and head into the living room. I run my fingers over the back of


    the couch as I take it all in, my eyesnding on the firece, where Jake has already lit a


    fire.


    The mes flicker, and my stomach coils at the sight. It''s perfect. I can picture myself


    sitting at the end of the day with a book in one hand and a hot chocte in the other.


    I turn to the guys as they walk in from the snow. They stomp their feet on the mat inside


    and shake off their coats and boots. Aiden has a handful of firewood in his hands and he


    carries them to the firece, setting them for when we need themter.


    Jake walks over to me, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. "What should we make for


    dinner?"


    I sigh, thinking of the dinner list we made when we went grocery shopping. "That sausage soup you talked about sounds good."


    He hums.


    Dil Say Them!


    Aiden grunts as he sets thest piece of wood down. "Yeah, something warm sounds really good."


    Zaid is standing on the other side of the living room and he just shrugs. "I''m good with anything."


    Jake nods then. "I''ll get started on that."


    I run my hands down my arms. "I think I''m going to head up and take a shower."


    As soon as the words leave my mouth, the three of them freeze, staring at me like


    I just suggested something scandalous.


    I blink. "What?"


    Aiden smiles, rubbing his hand down his neck. "Um, you want to do that by yourself?"


    The three of them exchange nces. Oh. They''re waiting for me to ask one of them to join me.


    A blush creeps up my neck, and I bite my lip, suddenly very aware of the weight of their gazes and the obvious look of their need. Looks like the desperate fucks against the trees weren''t enough for them, either.


    I really want to invite the three of them. But, that''s a lot, and we''re not quite there yet.


    I take a slow step forward, walking up to Jake first. He watches me carefully, his hands already reaching for my waist as I rise onto my toes and press a kiss to his lips. He exhales against me, his grip tightening slightly before he deepens it.


    He presses his body against mine and I feel his erection between us.


    I pull away, noticing the difort in his face.


    Then I walk to Aiden. He''s smirking, like he already knows what I''m doing, but his amusement fades the moment I kiss him. He cups the back of my neck, tilting my head to deepen it before I pull away, breathless.


    Finally, I turn to Zaid. He''s already watching me, eyes dark, waiting. My heart beats faster as I step in front of him, tilting my head up to kiss him. His lips move against mine, slow, and warmth spreads through me.


    I''ll Say Them-1


    He doesn''t deepen the kiss, and neither do I.


    We just kiss.


    And without breaking it, I slide my hand into his, fingers threading together as I


    tug him gently toward the hallway.


    His grip tightens, his breath hitching, but he follows without hesitation.


    Behind us, Aiden whistles low.


    Jake says nothing.


    "You know you didn''t have to choose anyone. You could''ve gone alone," Zaid whispers against my back as he follows me.


    I smile to myself, not bothering to turn to him. "I chose you because I want you." Chapter Comments

 Chapter 144

    I''ll Say Them-2


    He inhales, his body tense with the knowledge. He nods and steps into the bathroom with me. He pulls me, grabbing onto my waist and he sets me on the counter, pressing a kiss to my lips before turning around to start the shower.


    He''s beautiful. In every way. In the seriousness in his eyes, in the way he looks to protect me over everything.


    He turns back to me, and I have to blink myself out of my thoughts. I want to be in the moment, here with him. He smiles at me in that disarming way that instantly makes me


    wet.


    His hands pull on my clothes until I''m naked in front of him, the cold counter digging into my ass. He looks me over, his chest heaving with every breath.


    He keeps his eyes on me as he undresses himself and then it''s me that looks him over, my breasts trembling from how hard I breathe. When he steps up to me again, he grabs the back of my knees, spreading me open for him.


    I moan, my pussy drenched and clenching for him.


    He watches me like he always watches me.


    "Zaid," I whisper, full of need.


    He grabs himself and then ces his thick, hard cock between the lips of my pussy. He''s so big, so heavy that the pressure on my clit has me jerking.


    He exhales sharply, like he''s been holding his breath this whole time.


    "You have no idea what you do to me," he grunts.


    "Maybe the same thing you do to me," I match his voice. Steam curls around us, but I ignore the shower.


    Zaid thrusts his hips, his hands moving up my thighs until he uses his thumbs to press my lips together. It puts pressure on his cock and on my clit. I moan.


    "Looking at you," he says. "It fucking hurts."


    I''ll Say Them-2


    I try to stay present, try to listen to his words, but the tension in the pit of my stomach is


    building.


    "I used to think about touching you all the time. About putting my hands on you, holding you, feeling your skin, your warmth. Your pussy. It felt impossible. Like something I could want but never have." His fingers tighten slightly, possessive, desperate,


    I part my mouth, but no wordse out.


    "I was afraid," he continues, breathing hard and thrusting his hips. "Afraid that I''d never know what it feels like to have you this close. That I''d never get to hear the way your breath catches when I touch you, the way you moan when I fuck you. That I''d never be


    able to run my hands over you and know that you want me to." He exhales sharply, shaking his head.


    My throat is tight. "Zaid-"


    "And now I have you, and it still doesn''t feel real."


    His eyes are dark, deep, as if they contain the depths of the ocean. They say so much, hold so much pain, so much emotion.


    So much.


    He cups the back of my neck, his forehead pressing to mine. "I see you, and it feels like


    my chest is cracking open. Like there''s too much inside me and I can''t hold it in. You


    make me feel like I belong to you. Like I was made for you."


    My breath hitches and I feel tears prick the back of my eyes. I wrap a hand around his neck and I say the only words that feel right at this moment. "I belong to you, my love."


    His breath shudders. His fingers curl into my skin and he closes the distance between us,


    kissing me hard and deep, messy and yet controlled.


    I take everything he gives me, wrapping my-arms tight around his neck as he lifts me from the counter and walks us into the shower. The warms water sprays us, but it''s not enough to separate us as we kiss.


    Zaid takes over, moving us until my back is on the tiled wall. He lifts me, cing


    his cock at my asshole. I whimper, gripping his shoulders. "Zaid, please."


    I''ll Say Them-2


    He pulls away and tilts his head. "I need the words, love."


    I shake my head. "Tell me what words and I''ll say them. I''ll say them, please."


    He thrusts into my ass, and I cry out, the feeling of him inside me shooting pleasure through me.


    He''s gritting his teeth together, breathing hard as if he is stopping himself froming too early. My entire weight rests on his thighs, and he ces his hands on the tile behind


    1. me.


    "That''s not."


    He thrusts.


    "How."


    Thrust.


    "It."


    Thfust.


    "Works."


    Thrust.


    "Love."


    I nod frantically. He''s fucking me so hard, so freely. The muscles on his chest tense, the chords in his neck straining.


    "Okay, okay, okay," I whine, trying to keep my sanity. I''m crying at this point, my emotions too high, the pain and pleasure mixing up into something intense.


    When Ie, I scream, breathing into him. He follows shortly after, filling me to the brim.

 Chapter 145

    Glue Holding it Together-1


    The cabin is warm enough by the time we step out the shower.


    I dress in my pajamas already, tired from the day. It''s not evente but something tells me we''ll all be heading to bead early. I''m wearing a pair of long socks that Zaid got me and his warm hand engulfs mine as we make our way downstairs to kitchen.


    I''m practically limping, and Zaid looks down at me with an apologetic expression. "I didn''t mean to hurt you."


    I snort. "Right."


    He stills, making me stop. "I didn''t."


    I lift myself onto the tips of my toes and press my nose to his. "I know you didn''t.


    But you


    can''t tell me that you don''t like fucking me hard like that."


    He groans under his breath.


    "And I can''t tell you that I don''t like it, either. Because I do."


    He cups the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. I let him devour me untiul


    I''m weak in the knees again, but I can smell food in the air and I yfully shove at his chest.


    "Come on."


    The moment Zaid and I step into the kitchen, I catch the full scent of garlic and vegetable. The warmth of the stove heats the space and steam billows out of the pot.


    Aiden is at the stove, stirring the pot while Jake stands at the counter slicing bread. They


    both look freshly showered, their hair damp, their clothes clean andfortable.


    I smile at myself, suddenly content. Like this, is what I''ve been waiting for. To see them and do nights like this together.


    Aiden''s eyes flick up as we enter, and a slow, knowing smirk spreads across his lips. He lifts a brow, looking between the two of us. "The walls here are thin, fyi."


    I freeze mid-step, my entire body heating as mortification floods through me.


    4:13 pmt


    Glue Holding it Together-1


    Jake doesn''t even look up as he adds his two cents. "We heard every scream."


    My hands fly to my face, but it does nothing to hide the deep red I can feel creeping up


    my neck.


    Zaid just smiles, looking entirely too pleased with himself. He shrugs as he pulls out a stool at the kitchen ind and sits down. "Good."


    Jake huffs a quietugh, shaking his head as he carries a bowl of bread to the table.


    "You''re insufferable," I mutter at Zaid.


    His smile widens, and he grabs my hand, kissing my knuckles until I basically have to pull my hand from him.


    The four of us settle at the dining table, the food is passed around, and for a little while, everything feels light. I let myself rx into the moment, enjoying the warmth of the cabin, the scent of the fire burning in the living room.


    Jake sets down his spoon. "So tomorrow is my day and night with Alina."


    I blink. "What?"


    Zaid watches me silently.


    Aiden grabs a piece of bread from the middle of the table. "And the day after that


    is


    mine."


    I sit up straighter, my stomach tightening. "Wait-what do you mean?"


    Jake leans back in his chair like this is allpletely normal. "I figured I''d make


    some reservations in town for just us," he continues.


    "No," I say, the word slipping out before I can think.


    Jake stills, his jaw tightening as his brows pull together. Aiden looks up from his


    te, frowning at me like I''m incapable of the word.


    I look at Zaid, and he''s just smiling at me. Not mocking, not teasing, but soft, like encouragement.


    4:13 pm


    Glue Holding it Together-1


    Jake narrows his eyes at me. "What do you mean, ''no''?"


    I set my spoon down carefully, my heart pounding. "I mean, that''s not what I want."


    Aiden''s lips press into a thin line, and Jake''s frown deepens.


    "I don''t want to be with you separately anymore," I say, my voice soft but firm.


    Silence. Only the sound of Zaid''s chair creaking as he leans back.


    Jake exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair. Aiden nces at me, then at


    Zaid, and I brace myself for the argument that''sing.


    But I know one thing for certain. I don''t want to keep pretending that I need to divide myself between them. I want all of them.


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 Chapter 146

    Glue Holding it Together-2


    "What do you mean by not separately anymore? You want us to fuck you together?¡± Jake looks like he''s struggling to breathe. His wordse out in a rush, almost too quickly, as if he''s trying to protect something inside of him.


    I flinch at the words.


    I exhale, taking a moment to gather my thoughts before I speak. ¡°No, Jake. I don''t mean physically. I mean in every way."


    He stares at me like I just grew a second head.


    I feel a twinge of frustration, but I keep my voice even as I continue. "I want all of us to be a family. To be whole together."


    I pause, looking around the table, making sure they understand. Aiden is blinking fast as he looks down at his te. I''m not entirely sure what he''s thinking or feeling.


    "I don''t want to be the reason you all are civil. I want to be an addition to your rtionship, not the glue holding it together. I want you to be close, to respect each other. I want you to want to be around each other, even when I''m not here."


    Jake blinks, shaking his head, clearly trying to process what I''m saying. "You... You already know how I feel about Zaid."


    I look at him, my eyes unwavering. "Then you need to talk to Zaid yourself."


    I desperately shove my hands toward Zaid, who stiffens at the sudden attention. When I turn to face him, he sighs and nods.


    Jake exhales through his nostrils, his gaze shifting between me and Zaid. The silence stretches, and I can feel Aiden watching us, the frown still firmly in ce.


    It''s ufortable, the way they avoid direct confrontation, the way everything feels unresolved. I grew up in a family where we told each other everything head. That only changed when dad and Alex died and my mother ended up hating me.


    Jake finally breaks the silence, his voice biting as he speaks to Zaid. "You''re an idiot," he says, the words sharp and harsh.


    Glue Holding it Together-2


    I blink, not thinking he would do this right here, right now.


    Zaid''s jaw clenches and Aiden hisses beneath his breath.


    Jake continues. "A coward. A careless, stupid idiot for putting yourself in danger after what happened with your mother." He shakes his head, his anger ring.


    "I thought you were smarter than that, Zaid. I thought you had better character." Zaid''s posture straightens as if the impact of his words is too much. But his eyes harden, and I can see the walls go up. He doesn''t back down. "I do have better character than


    that."


    There''s a subtle tremor in his voice that betrays the hurt. I turn to Aiden, who''s been unnervingly silent this whole time. His face is as pale as paper, his lips pressed together


    in a thin line.


    "Aiden," I say softly, "you have to open up, too."


    Aiden flinches at the sound of his name, his eyes flicking to mine before he looks down at his te, as if avoiding my gaze will somehow keep the weight of the moment from crushing him.


    I wait, feeling the silence stretch again, until finally, Aiden lets out a shaky breath and looks up at Jake, his eyes glossy with emotion.


    "I... I was the one racing," he confesses, his voice barely a whisper, but it cuts through the


    room.


    Jake looks like he was punched in the stomach.


    "I was the one who crashed, dad. Zaid took the me so I wouldn''t lose my schrship opportunities. He... he did it for me."


    The words hang in the air. I can feel Zaid''s muscles tense, his jaw tightening as if he''s fighting the resentment and pain. The rawness is so obvious that I feel like I can drown in it. I have to stop myself from getting up and holding him.


    Jake''s expression shifts. Anger reces it and he stands abruptly, the chair scratching against the floor. He looks at me, then Aiden, then Zaid.


    Glue Holding it Together-2


    He says nothing as he turns on his heels and walks away and up the stairs. Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 147

    I Don''t Know My Own Sons


    The silence that follows after Jake storms off is thick, almost suffocating. I sit there, staring at my half-eaten te, my heart still pounding.


    Should I have waited until we were done with the trip to bring something up? No, not when they''re talking about separating our days.


    I look at Zaid, who is watching me with a soft smile. It mirrors how ufortable


    I am and yet lets me know that he feels better about the truth being out.


    Aiden hasn''t moved, hasn''t spoken a word.


    Zaid exhales heavily, then stands, pping Aiden on the back. "Come on, man. We should go talk some things through."


    Aiden finally blinks, his expression still unreadable, but he nods without a word and pushes back from the table.


    Zaid turns to me, his eyes warm as he leans down, pressing a soft, lingering kiss against my lips. "I''ll check in with youter, okay, love?"


    I nod, squeezing his hand before he follows Aiden out of the room, leaving me alone.


    I take a deep breath, steeling myself before I stand and head upstairs.


    Jake''s door is shut, and I don''t bother knocking. I push it open, stepping inside to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. His broad shoulders are hunched, his entire body tight with frustration and tension.


    He looks like I could touch him and he''d crack in two. He''s not crying, but his body


    trembles as if he''s trying to hold it in.


    My heart clenches.


    I walk over, sinking to my knees in front of him. Without hesitation, I reach for his


    wrists, gently prying his hands away from his face.


    "Jake," I whisper, searching his eyes.


    I Don''t Know My Own Sons


    He has them shut tight, his nostrils ring as he breathes in heavily.


    "Are you okay?" I whisper.


    He shakes his head, his jaw tightening as he exhales a shaky breath. When he finally opens his eyes, they''re shining with unshed tears. "I feel like I don''t know my own sons."


    A sharp ache blooms in my chest.


    "How could I have not seen it? Looking back now, it makes sense, there were so many signs."


    "Jake-"


    "I''m the worst father in the world," he murmurs.


    "Hey," I whisper, shushing him softly. I stand, pushing him back gently as I crawl onto hisp, wrapping my arms around his neck. His face presses against my chest, his breath warm against my skin. I cradle him close, threading my fingers through his hair. He hums, leaning into my touch.


    "You''re not," I say. "We''ve all struggled with things, Jake. Losing family members isn''t easy. None of this has been easy. You believed what they told you, that''s not being a terrible father."


    He exhales against me, his arms tightening around my waist. "I should have known they were lying."


    I shake my head, cupping his face to bring his eyes up to mine. "They''re smarter than you give them credit for."


    He smiles back at me, but it drops almost instantly. He blows out a stream of air. ¡°I have so much to make up for with Zaid."


    I nod, running my fingers through his hair. "He hasn''t deserved any of this."


    He closes his eyes, jaw clenching in anger. "And Aiden? That little prick."


    I look into his eyes. "Don''t trade in your anger toward Zaid for anger toward Aiden.


    Then it would just be the same thing."


    I Don''t Know My Own Sons


    He studies me.


    "Most of the work has to be between them and between you and Zaid." I''m panicking. Maybe overstepping, but I can''t let this fall apart when we''re so close to finallying to an understanding.


    "But Aiden-"


    "Zaid was the one that insisted. They love each other. He wanted to protect him. You want to punish Aiden for worrying about his future?" The wordse out of me shaky, broken. I want this to work, want this to get better.


    Jake frowns. "No. For lying to me. For letting Zaid take the brunt of my anger."


    I nod. There''s a lot of pain bubbled up inside these men. They need to work through it. "Do you what you have to do, bute out of this stronger, please. I can''t imagine my


    life without the three of you."


    I feel his body slowly rx, sinking into me, as if he''s letting go of something he''s been holding onto for too long. "I can''t imagine my life without you, baby."


    His breath against my chest warms me, and I sigh, leaning my head against him. "For so long, I did think of you as the glue. I had hoped that we would get closer because of you, but this shit can only be fixed by us."


    "Mmm, that''s a lot of pressure."


    "It shouldn''t be on you."


    I kiss the top of his head. "Thank you."


    He lifts his head, his lips brushing against my corbone before trailing up to my throat, my jaw.


    I shiver as he finally captures my lips, his kiss deep.


    And I let him.


    Aiden and Zaid are working through their things. Right now, I have Jake.


    4.14 pm


    I Don''t Know My Own Sons


    He holds me tighter, his arms banding around my waist as he picks me up and ces me on my back on the bed. My legs are still incredibly sore from the woods, and from Zaid, but I ignore the pull of pain.


    I wrap my thighs around him, letting them rest around his thighs. He keeps his lips


    on mine, only pulling away long enough to pull my shorts down my legs.


    I part them on instinct, letting him get a look and his eyes darken, a hungry hiss


    leaving his lips. "Fuck, you were made for me, baby."


    He unzips his pants, grabbing his cock and lining it up at my entrance. I don''t have to guess; I know I''m wet. He takes his time sinking inside me and I watch his expression as he moans from the sensation.


    He fucks me slow.


    We breathe into each other.


    Each thrust a myriad of sensations.

 Chapter 148

    We''ll See You Soon


    My eyes snap open and I blink against the faint light creeping in from the window.


    It''s early, so early the sky is still a deep gray with just the faintest light of sunrise. I frown, running my hand over the spot where Jake should be. It''s cold.


    Empty.


    I sit up, the sheets sliding off my bare skin as I nce around his room.


    It''s quiet. Still.


    My heart thumps a little harder in my chest, a ripple of unease spreading through me. I slip out of bed and find my wrinkled clothes from the night before.


    I fold them neatly at the edge of the bed and take them with me as I make my way toward my room. I haven''t fully unpacked yet, so everything is still folded in my suitcase.


    I pull out a thick, oversized sweater, a pair of ck leggings, and my warmest socks. After brushing my teeth and shoving my hair into a bun, I head downstairs, hoping I''ll run into


    one of my guys.


    The cabin is quiet, but the firece is already crackling faintly in the living room. I frown, still not hearing any deep voices filtering through the air.


    The living room is empty and when I step into the kitchen, I realize that it is, too. I notice


    a piece of paper on the kitchen ind with my name written across the front of it.


    I recognize Jake''s messy handwriting. My chest tightens as I pick it up, unfolding


    it


    carefully.


    Alina, The three of us needed to handle some things. For us. For you. We''re out for the day, but we''ll be back before dinner. There''s food in the fridge - Aiden cooked - The TV''s set up with whatever you want to watch, and the firece is going, but you''ll need to throw another log in if you don''t want it to die. Stay warm. We''ll see you soon, baby. - Jake.


    A sour excitement fills my chest and I smile, biting my bottom lip, reading the note again just to let the feeling of it settle into my chest.


    445pm


    We''ll See You Soon


    They''re trying. For each other. For me.


    1 pull out the container from the fridge and heat it up slowly on the stove. The cabin is so quiet I can hear the faint bubbling of the food as it warms, and the soft hiss of the fire as it cats away at the logs.


    I can''t stop thinking about them. Hoping they''re figuring it out. Findingmon ground.


    Healing, maybe.


    God knows I needed that when my dad and brother died. I got none of that, of course. My mother was broken and angry, so much so that she forgot I was alive right there with her.


    I ignore the pull that has on my heart.


    I can''t depend on her for closure, or kind words, because she will never give them to me.


    But my guys still have a chance. I can tell that their love for each other is there even if the years and the hurt have chipped away at it.


    I want them to trust each other again.


    I carry my food to the couch and curl up with a nket, staring at the TV but not really


    watching it.


    Still, I make myself eat. I even finish two movies. I stay inside, because something about the untouched snow makes me feel like going out would break the quiet spell they left


    behind..


    It''s something I want to enjoy with them.


    But as the hours pass, I find myself ncing at the window more and more, just a little


    bored and a little worried.


    I wonder if they''re okay. Wonder if they''re thinking of me like I''m thinking of them.


    By the time the second movie ends, the back of my head is beginning to hurt from theck of stimtions. I wash my dished and head upstairs, deciding a bath will calm my nerves, and maybe make me look less restless when they get back.


    I soak in the hot water until my skin is flushed and my fingers prune. When I finally


    step


    We''ll See You Soon


    out, I wrap myself in a thick towel and start drying off.


    As I''m rubbing lotion on myself, I hear the front door open. I step to the bedroom


    door and listen to the sound of boots scraping against the floor.


    Low voices rumble and thenughter. Real, easyughter that makes my chest squeeze in


    the best way.


    I smile, biting on my bottom lip.


    They''re home.


    Without thinking, I drop the towel I was using on my hair and dash out of the bathroom,


    still wrapped in just the one around my body. I don''t really care.


    My feet are bare against the wooden floors. My heart is pounding for an entirely different reason now. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, they''re there. The three of them, standing just inside the door. Shaking off snow. Talking. Laughing. They take off their boots, their coats, and each one is oblivious to my presence.


    I like it. I like watching them as they forget me for a moment. Watching them just


    be


    themselves around each other.


    Zaid is the first to see me. He''sughing at something Aiden said and he does a double take. Jake and Aiden notice his stare.


    They all turn, and the second their eyesnd on me, everything changes. Theughter


    dies down.


    Hunger.


    It''s painted in their eyes. Dark, hooded. Three pairs of eyes looking at me in the exact


    same way. It''s a lot to take in and I''m suddenly struggling to breathe.


    Jake''s jaw ticks, his eyes turning darker as they roam down the length of my barely covered body. Aiden''s lips part like he''s just realized he''s staring but can''t help himself. Zaid''s smile is slow, dangerous.


    And all three of them are looking at me like they might devour me where I stand.


    We''ll See You Soon


    I wouldn''t mind that.


    I take a step forward, and the towel shifts against my skin. Their eyes follow the


    movement like they''re tracking prey.


    "Hi," I breathe, but it''s barely a whisper.


    Jake''s the first to move.


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 Chapter 149

    Am I Dreaming?-1


    He might have been the first to move, but Zaid and Aiden are right behind him.


    My pulse is wild, a flutter of nerves and excitement tangled together, leaving me breathless. They''re all moving at once. Three beautiful men, closing in on me like I''m something they''ve been starving for.


    And maybe I''ve been starving, too.


    Jake gets to me first. His arm wraps around my waist without hesitation, pulling me flush against his solid chest.


    His kiss is urgent and rough in the best way, like he''s been holding it in all day and can''t wait another second. I kiss him back just as hard, my fingers gripping the front of his shirt like he might disappear if I let go.


    When he finally breaks the kiss, his mouth brushes against my ear. His voice is low, rough.


    Possessive.


    "I''ve missed you," he murmurs, his breath hot on my skin. "We''ve all missed you."


    I exhale shakily, barely able to find my voice.


    "Oh..." It''s all I can manage at first, my mind still fogged with his kiss.


    His lips trail down to my jaw, and I try to stay conscious.


    Then I force the words out, a little breathless, a little dazed. "How was your day?"


    He groans, dipping his head to press his nose against the curve of my neck, breathing me in like he''s trying to memorize the scent of me. The scrape of his stubble against my skin


    makes me shiver.


    "We can talk about thatter,¡± he says, his voice thick with want. "Right now, I just need


    you."


    A quiet gasp escapes me, but then Aiden''s body is suddenly there. Warm and solid at my back.


    Am I Dreaming? 1


    His hands curve over my hips as he leans in close, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin at the base of my neck. He trails soft, warm kisses up toward my jaw, each one sending sparks racing through me.


    "I need you, too," Aiden whispers, his words spoken in that quiet intensity that always makes me weak. "So much."


    Jake kisses down my body until he is nipping at the top of one of my breasts.


    I close my eyes for a second, sinking into the feeling of them both. Jake holding me tight from the front, Aiden''s mouth exploring me from behind. I''m lost in it. But Zaid''s missing.


    I open my eyes, finding him standing and watching, his dark eyes trailing up and down before he finally moves.


    His hand curls around my chin, tilting my face toward him. His eyes are darker than I''ve ever seen them, glowing faintly in the dim light of the cabin. He doesn''t say anything at first, just stares at me like he''s searching for something.


    And then he kisses me.


    It''s deep, iming, his mouth sliding over mine like he''s sealing something between us. His tongue teases mine, slow at first, then more demanding. I feel my knees weaken, my body turning pliant as his hand moves to the back of my head, holding me steady.


    They''re everywhere.


    And every inch of my body is lit up with need.


    Hot pleasure courses through me, anticipation eating me alive. I can''t tell who is doing what, too focused on the fact that the three of them are touching me at the same time.


    Am I dreaming?


    Has being alone all day caused me to go insane?


    I feel Jake moan against my skin and his fingers fumble with the tie of my towel. I


    can


    only gasp against Zaid''s mouth as it drops to the floor.


    Am I Dreaming?-1


    Zaid pulls away from my lips just as Jake sucks one of my nipples into his mouth. I moan, throwing my head back onto Aiden''s shoulder as he continues to kiss my neck.


    I''m trembling. Breathless. Completely undone.


    Zaid keeps his eyes on me and he drops his hand, letting his fingers slip between my legs. His features harden for a moment when he realizes how wet I am.


    Whatever they talked about when they were out, I hope they keep talking about it. Jake''s arm tightens around my waist, Aiden''s hands roam over my hips, and Zaid''s thumb brushes my clit. He kisses me again and the sensations all together are too much.


    I moan into my orgasm, letting my body fallnguidly as the pleasure takes over.


    Jake holds onto me, taking me into his arms as he carries me up the stairs. I set my chin on his shoulder, watching as Zaid and Aiden follow us, both of them peeling their clothes


    off.


    "We won''t make you choose tonight, love," Zaid whispers.

 Chapter 150

    Am I Dreaming?-2


    Aly puxxy coaches hom the pure desire those words cause.


    I turn from them and kiss my way down Jake''s neck, loving the moans that he releases.


    There''s no denying it


    I''m theirs.


    They are mine


    And I want them all right now:


    Jake drops me onto the bed, and he steps back to take his clothes off. But I get no reprieve. Zaid is on his knees before me and his mouth is on my pussy before I expect it. He covers me with kisses and teasing bites as his tongue circles my clit.


    "Zaid," I beg, pushing at his head as I feel another orgasm already building.


    I turn my head into the pillow when the pleasure builds to be too much, but then Aiden takes my lips into his and his hot chest presses against mine.


    I''m fucking delirious.


    And it''s much worse when Aiden slides his hand down my body so that his fingers take over my clit and Zaid can focus on simply devouring my pussy like a starved


    man.


    1 scream, back arching.


    It''s overwhelming. It''s too much and somehow not enough at the same time.


    Zaid stops. His lips brush my skin and he kisses his way up my body, stopping at my breasts where he teases my nipple. Aiden pulls away from my lips, kissing my neck, letting me move so that I can see everything that''s happening.


    Raw, unchecked euphoria buzzes through me. Aiden holds one of my thighs, Zaid the other. And Jake stands, hard cock jutting forward as he looks down at my pussy.


    I''m open to him, like a sacrifice, like a present. He drops to his knees and growls under his breath. "She''s fucking wet."


    Am I Dreaming?-2


    My breath catches in my throat and then it''s his mouth devouring me. "Oh god," I moan, burying my face in the pillows. I can''t breathe. There isn''t enough oxygen in the entire


    world to fill my lungs when they''re all on me like this.


    Zaid pops my nipple out of his mouth and grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. "See?


    We''re desperate for you?"


    I''m struggling to breathe. I''m seeing stars, Aiden''s fingers working their magic as Jakes thrusts his tongue inside me. My toes curl.


    "Anytime you want this, love, anytime you want us to fall to our knees and worship you like this, we will." Zaid holds me like he''s afraid I''ll disappear. Like I''m already half- vanished and he''s desperate to hold on. His eyes burn. Everything about him burns. And I


    wee the fire.


    I nod frantically, another orgasm threatening to wash over me. Zaid smiles, his eyes dropping down to my skin to watch as my entire skin breaks out in goosebumps. I can''t take it anymore.


    It ms into me. I scream, my pussy clenching and unclenching as Jake continues to deyour me. I ride it out on his face, letting it pass through me like a tsunami. I''m


    breathless, my insides boiling.


    I''ve never felt so alive. I''ve never felt so wanted. So imed. Every breath they steal from me, I dly give. Every sound they drag from my throat feels like a gift to them.


    And Zaid just watches, nostrils ring. I stay connected with him and he lets my chin go, letting me fall back into the pillows.


    But there''s no rest. Jake crawls his way up my body. I taste myself on his lips and his hand wraps around my neck and he squeezes slightly.


    Fuck, is it too soon to have another orgasm building?


    My mind loses every train of thought as Aiden lowers himself between my legs, his tongue taking me from my pussy to my asshole. My muscles tense and Zaid''s fingers y with my clit.


    They make me feel whole.


    4.15 pm


    Am I Dreaming?-2


    Like I was missing pieces of myself I didn''t know were gone until they filled in all the empty spaces. Until they shattered me in the most beautiful ways and put me back together again.


    I''m lost, my eyes closed as Jake keeps kissing me. It''s all sensations and feelings I''m going off of. I''m driven over the edge when Aiden inserts a finger into my asshole, pushing at my rim until he fits a second.


    I almost pass out from my orgasm, darkness encroaching on my vision. I''m gasping for breath, more than satisfied, more than happy. But these men don''t let me rest.


    Jake pulls away, thrusting his hips so that I feel his cock between my thighs. "We''re not done here, baby."

 Chapter 151

    Ours-1


    I moan, reaching for his cock. The moment my handes in contact with his hot


    skin, he hisses and jerks back.


    He shakes his head. "Not yet, baby."


    1 blink at him, my body stilling down from my orgasm.


    Fuck, I can''t think when they touch me.


    All I can think about is them. Jake''s lips as he brushes them against mine. Aiden''s hands as he caresses the lips of my pussy and Zaid''s tongue as he licks the rim of my asshole.


    "Oh, fuck," I whimper.


    They all chuckle, the sound rumbling through me,


    "That''s the n, baby," Aiden adds, his breath against the inside of my thigh.


    They move and my brain short-circuits. All I feel are their hands, their mouths, their breath against my skin. My mind fractures into pieces, breaking apart under their


    ministrations.


    They gather every shard of me, iming them like I was always meant to belong to them.


    Maybe I was.


    Jake and Zaid leave me, their warmth a sudden loss. But Aiden reces them, kissing me, my scent strong on his lips and nose. He grabs me, cing me over him, letting me straddle his hips.


    I can''t hold myself up and I fall against his chest.


    He smiles, pulling away from my lips to look me over. "You okay?"


    I nod.


    "It''s not too much?"


    I shake my head, no this will never be too much. I''m sopletely useless, and he has to


    use his strength to lift my hips. I feel his cock at my pussy and I whimper. My nails bite into the skin of his shoulders.


    He keeps us there, teasing, not entering me. The anticipation is killing me. That first slide of cock inside me is always the best. It feels amazing and my body is begging for it.


    He looks at me, eyes serious. "We talked about a lot today. But there was one thing that we all agreed on, that we all wanted to prove to you tonight."


    I feel Zaid''s hands slide up my spine and I almost break.


    "You want to know what that is?" Aiden''s nostrils are ring, and he is struggling to not just thrust inside me.


    I nod, knowing he wants to say this before he fucks me.


    "That you''re ours."


    My chest expands with the emotion.


    Aiden looks directly into my eyes as he tenses, his teeth gritted. "You''re mine."


    He thrusts into me, slow but not any less intense. A moan leaves my lips, my head falling back as I breathe to catch every inch of pleasure. He stretches me out, but it doesn''t hurt.


    I adjust, only feeling the satisfaction of feeling full. I gasp, cold lube dribbling down my ass. Oh, my god.


    The head of Zaid''s cock pushes at my hole, and his hand reaches in front of me. He grasps my neck, pulling me toward me, arching my back until his lips are right at my neck


    "You''re mine," he says, and his teeth scrape over my skin, and he thrusts me into me.


    A terribly guttural moan escapes me and I''m full. They feel huge inside me. I''ve forgotten what it feels like. It''s too much, god, it''s too much, and I lean back into Zaid because I


    can''t stay up on my own.


    My eyes are hooded, blood rushing through my head. Stars dance in my head and I feel like any movement could cause me to orgasm.


    The bed dips and the sharp pain of intoxication aches in my chest. I turn to see Jake


    213


    410 pm


    Ours-1


    making his way toward me. Heat blooms in the pit of my stomach as I watch the way he


    takes me in.


    His eyes are slow, assessing. He follows the curve of my ass first, where Zaid is buried deep inside me. Then he follows the arch of my back, right to my hard nipples.


    I''m wound so tight I feel I might snap.


    He reaches for me, gathering my hair and fisting it in one hand. His grip tightens when I exhale his name. He hisses, getting close enough that he rubs his cock across my lips, painting me with his pre-cum.


    Fuck, I''m going toe from this alone.


    He presses just the head of his cock in my mouth, and he moans, but his eyes never leave mine. He looks directly at me, his chest heaving as he says the two words I''ve been waiting for.

 Chapter 152

    Ours-2


    His voice is low, ragged when he whispers, "You''re mine."


    He thrusts, fucking my mouth with the length of his cock.


    Aiden growls. "Finally."


    The three of them rock in and out of me, the headboard mming into the wall as my body adjusts to being stretched and used.


    I hold down my gags, Jake holding me tighter, quickening his pace. His face


    contorts into abination of pain and ecstasy.


    "Fuck, you''re a sight," he grunts.


    I take every m of his cock to the back of my throat, loving how I make him fall apart. hips.


    Aiden is struggling to breathe beneath me, his fingers digging into the skin of my "Fuck, are you guys close?"


    Zaid grunts behind me, his hands spreading my ass cheeks apart as he ms into me. "I''m going to explode."


    There''s no rhythm to what we''re doing. It''s a mess. Chaos. Broken breaths, moans and that headboard fill the room with our fucking.


    They all touch me differently, but they all touch me like they need me. Like I''m something sacred. And I don''t know how I''ll survive this.


    I''m falling apart, my ass and pussy getting a pounding that has me thinking if there''s such a thing as needing a new vagina.


    Hell, for the sake of it, let''s just say I''m going to need a transnt for everything below


    the waist.


    I''m starting to pulse, my insides turning and I know I''m going toe, but I can''t say anything. I can''t warn them, not with Jake using my mouth as a personal toy.


    Ie so fucking hard that I think I''m broken.


    Ours-2


    But I don''t care.


    Let them burn me. Let them take and take and take because I''ll give them everything. There''s no hesitation anymore. No fear. Just this blinding need to be theirs.


    I scream around Jake''s cock, my body convulsing.


    "Fuck, I can''t hold it," he breathes, holding my head still as he buries himself deep inside my throat andes.


    Hot cum coats the inside of my throat, my mouth, my cheeks.


    "Fuck!" he growls.


    I''m about to pass out, my orgasm building into another one because Zaid and Aiden don''t


    stop.


    "Don''t swallow," Jake grunts.


    I nod, gasping for breath as he pulls out of me. I hold his cum in my mouth as Aiden stiffens beneath me, his hand goes around my neck and he moans. I feel his cum too, but when his other hand presses against my clit, I fall into another orgasm.


    I squirm, Aiden''s cum and cock inside me as Zaid relentlessly thrusts into me.


    I''m unraveling. Coming apart at every seam, but somehow they hold me together. My body arches into theirs instinctively, seeking more, always more, because there''s no such thing as enough of them.


    Zaid spreads my ass cheeks further and I know he''s close; he grunts, not slowing down. Hees as he continues his thrusts, hard and fast.


    All I feel is the warmth of him filling me up, and then he drops onto my back, breathing heavily against my skin.


    He pulls out and I groan from the quickness of it. Jake''s arms are around my waist and he pulls me off of Aiden. Setting me on my back.


    He takes one of my ankles while Zaid grabs the other. They spread me apart and their eyes gleam when they look down at me.


    Ours-2


    Heat flushes me when I realize they''re watching their cum spill out of me.


    Aiden stands between them, and he hisses at the sight. The three of them lift their gazes from my pussy and ass to my mouth. Slowly, I part my lips and show them my tongue, coated in Jake''s cum.


    Aiden rubs a hand down his face. "Fuck, I think I''m addicted."


    Jake grunts.


    "I''ve been addicted," Zaid whispers, watching me.


    Jake cups my cheek. "You can swallow it now, baby."


    I do, without hesitation.


    Because I think this is what it means to belong.


    And I never knew I could feel this whole.

 Chapter 153

    You Cheated


    I''ve memorized the ceiling fan at this point. Noticed the pattern on the paint above us, but I can''t seem to look away from it. My mind is reeling, still wondering if this is all a


    dream.


    My heart is too full. My body is too heavy with a satisfaction I never thought I''d get to feel. Honestly, I feel a little numb.


    Zaid''s head rests on my stomach, his hair soft and wild beneath my fingers as I absently run them through the strands. His body stretches down the bed, long legs tangled


    between mine, his weight a little much for me, but I don''t care.


    Aiden is to my left, his hand resting over my heart, his thumb stroking small circles on my nipple like he needs to feel me breathing beneath his palm.


    And Jake is at my right, my leg thrown over his waist as he ys with the inside of my thigh.


    They brought Aiden''s bed in here earlier. Moved it right into Jake''s room. I was too delrious from being fucked into oblivion that I didn''t notice. They just dragged it in and


    shoved the two beds together so all four of us could fit.


    It makes something deep inside me ache in the best way. Because they''re trying. They are


    trying.


    I breathe in slowly, steady. Or try to. It doesn''t really work. It''s a broken inhale and then I''mughing.


    It starts as a soft chuckle and then grows into a ridiculousugh.


    Aiden starts chuckling with me, and Zaid lifts his head from my stomach to watch me. Jake smiles, looking at me with amusement.


    "What?" Zaid chuckles, breathing against my skin.


    I cover my mouth with my hand, stillughing. ¡°I just can''t believe that happened."


    "You better believe it did," Aiden whispers, leaning toward me to press a kiss to my lips.


    418 pm


    You Cheated


    "Yeah, because it''s going to happen a lot more often," Jake mutters under his breath, his fingers pinching my thigh.


    I shake my head. "Oh, my god."


    My chest feels tight. I want to cry and scream all at the same time. Overwhelmed isn''t a strong enough word for it.


    Their hands, their mouths, their touches earlier tonight gave me everything. It finally


    feels like we''re all on the same page now.


    Wanting the same thing.


    Wanting us.


    I close my eyes for a moment, stillbing through Zaid''s hair, his soft breaths warm against my skin. When I open them again, the ceiling is still there. So are they.


    All three of them. It''s not a dream.


    "So, what did you guys talk about today?" I ask, voice soft.


    Jake''s chest rumbles with a low sound, a sigh that sounds more like a groan. He tightens his hold on my thigh, pulling me just that much closer. "We still have a lot of shit to work through, but we want to figure it out."


    I smile, tilting my head toward him so I can kiss him softly. "Really?"


    Aiden shifts beside me, his voice a little quieter. "But there''s still a lot of shit."


    My entire body trembles and I can''t tell if I''m nervous or cold. "Can we just agree that the


    four of us together is amazing?"


    They all hum.


    "And that we should do everything we can to make this work?"


    Jake kisses me, Aiden leans in closer to me and Zaid nips at the skin of my inner


    thigh before his lips brushzily against my stomach.


    We stay like that for a while longer, none of us in a rush to move from ourfortable


    You Cheated


    positions.


    But eventually, Jake grumbles something about us all smelling like sex and sweat, and somehow, that''s enough to get us moving.


    We shower together. The warm water feels good against my skin and so does Zaid''s lip as he presses kisses on my wet shoulder. Jake rubs shampoo into my hair while Aiden kneels to clean my thighs, but doesn''t go further than that.


    When we''re dressed and dry, we head downstairs. Jake throws open the fridge and starts pulling out everything we need for homemade pizza. An hourter, the kitchen is a mess. There''s flour everywhere, and leftover ingredients spread across the counter.


    We''ve each our own personal pizzas and then Aiden and I made an experimental pizza with absolutely every ingredient known to man.


    Much to Jake''s disgust and Zaid''s amusement. As we wait for them to be ready in the oven, I sneak bites of cheese straight from the bag and realize that I''m smiling so much my cheeks hurt.


    We eat in the living room, sitting on the floor around the coffee table. The firece crackles, and we y board games.


    Jake leans back against the couch, watching us with this expression like he''s finally starting to believe this could work. The hours pass and then Jake stands.


    "We''re gonna need more firewood," he says, stretching his arms over his head before dropping them to his sides.


    "I''ll help," Zaid says, already on his feet, and following Jake toward the door.


    I smile as they walk out, feeling more at ease with the fact that they are spending time together.


    It leaves me and Aiden alone, the quiet settling between us. He doesn''t look at me right away, but I can tell he''s thinking. His fingers tracezy shapes on the table''s surface, and I wait.


    "Do you think we could talk?" He says, voice soft.


    You Cheated


    I nod, scooting a little closer. "Yeah, of course."


    His eyes lift to mine, sharp but not unkind. "You cheated on me."


    My heart hammers in my chest, and I struggle for a breath. I blink, guilt straddling


    my chest as I take in his expression.

 Chapter 154

    Spilling


    "Aiden." His name leaves my mouth like a plea and an apology all at once. My fingers tremble as I set my hands on the floor.


    He exhales sharply, like he''s been holding it in too long. "You lied to me."


    There''s no usation in his voice. Just the wound, just the pain. It makes my chest ache in a way that feels permanent, like I''ve done the unforgiveable.


    "I''m sorry," I whisper.


    He shakes his head, a hollowugh escaping. "The thing is, I know that."


    I shake my head. "I didn''t mean to hurt you, that''s thest thing I wanted. And I thought I was protecting you from the pain."


    He looks down at his hands, then back at me, his gaze piercing. "I understand your. reasoning, but it doesn''t feel like it''s enough sometimes. I felt like an idiot."


    My, voice cracks. "No. I was the idiot. I was scared. I didn''t know how you''d react. I didn''t know if you''d hate me."


    His eyebrows pull together, eyes narrowing like I''ve said somethingpletely offensive. "I''ve never given you a reason to think I''d hate you."


    "I know," I breathe. "They''re my insecurities."


    He runs a hand over his face, scrubbing at his jaw like he can rub the hurt out.


    The guilt is a physical thing inside me now, twisting and wing. My throat is tight as I try to form words that don''t feel like enough. "There''s no justifiable excuse. I was lost when I moved here. Everything felt like it was falling apart. And then you came along, and you made me feel normal. Safe. Like I wasn''t broken."


    His eyes soften for a second before they harden again. "And Jake made you feel that way,


    too."


    I nod slowly. "And Zaid."


    Spilling


    His chest rises, then falls. Controlled. But I can see the war going on inside him, in his clenched jaw, the way his fingers twitch like he''s holding something back.


    "Why didn''t you tell me?" he asks again. His voice is gentler this time, but no less pained.


    ¡°Because I was afraid you''d make me choose, and I didn''t know if I could," I say, barely above a whisper.


    His gaze darkens, unreadable. "And if I had made you choose... who would you have picked?"


    I blink at him, my throat closing in on itself. The truth is raw and ugly, but I won''t lie. Not now. "No one. I wouldn''t have picked anyone."


    For a moment, he just stares at me. Like he''s trying to trante something he doesn''t understand. Then he swallows, his Adam''s apple bobbing.


    "So it''s all of us," he says slowly, "or none of us."


    I nod. "Yeah."


    We sit in silence after that. It''s heavy. But it''s honest.


    I shift closer to him, my palms scraping lightly against the wood floor. I crawl into his


    space slowly, carefully, like I''m waiting for him to push me away.


    He doesn''t.


    His legs part slightly, and I sit on him, straddling and cing my hands gently on his


    cheeks. My heart hammers in my chest, but I hold his gaze.


    "My feelings for Jake, and for Zaid, they don''t take away from what I feel for you. What I


    have with you is different. You''re different from them."


    Aiden''s eyes close for a moment, like he''s absorbing my words.


    When he opens them again, he looks so tired. But he cups my cheek with his


    hand, his thumb brushing softly over my skin.


    Tears sting my eyes. "What do you need from me? What can I do so that you feel like you


    can trust me?"


    pm


    Spilling


    He studies me, like he''s searching for something he hasn''t quite found yet. "Time? I just, I don''t want to find out about any more lies. I don''t think I could take it. Zaid was one hit and Jake was another."


    I shake my head quickly. "I have no more lies, I promise. I''m an open book now. Whatever you want to know, whatever you need to ask.''


    He nods, slowly. His hand slides from my cheek to the back of my neck, fingers threading through my hair. "Okay."


    Then he leans in. His lips brush against mine, light as a breath. My eyes flutter closed, and I press into him, tasting the hesitation, the uncertainty, but also the need. The kiss deepens gradually, and the tentative gives way to hunger.


    Careful turns desperate.


    Soft turns hard.


    Gentle turns painful.


    I move closer, my knees pressing into the hard floor on either side of him. His arms wrap around my waist, holding me there.


    His mouth is warm but tinged with something raw. His fingers dig into my hips like


    he needs to feel I''m real. I kiss him harder, my hands fisting in his shirt, clinging to him, pouring everything I can''t say into this.


    His hips move and I feel his erection between us. I gasp, pulling away.


    His jaw is clenching, breathing hard. "You were so sexy earlier, but I want you to myself."


    I nod, my sorenessing alive in sharp twinges that re with every breath. But I don''t


    care.


    Aiden is more important.


    This is more important.


    He''s quick. We don''t even take our clothes off. He just unzips enough to take out his cock, and I lower my thong and leggings down to just below the curve of my ass. He lifts me, and in one movement, he''s buried inside me.


    437pm


    Spilling


    The slow burn of my overworked muscles has me seeing stars. That paired with Aiden''s unfairly big cock has me grimacing.


    But Aiden doesn''t watch for that. He gathers the hair at the nape of neck and pulls, forcing my head back as I rock my hips into him.


    He hisses, moving his hips just as fast.


    The only sound that fills the living room is the crackling of the fire, our breathing,


    and the p of our skin.


    He stills,ing with a moan while his lips find mine. "Don''t clean up."


    ¡°Hmm?¡± I moan as he pulls on my hair.


    "I want my cum spilling out of you while we all sit here."


    I nod, heat crawling up my chest. He pulls out and we both gasp. He puts my


    thong back into ce along with my leggings.


    His thumb strokes over my side absentmindedly as he tucks himself back into his


    pants.


    By the time Jake and Zaide back with more firewood, we''re sitting on the


    couch, choosing a movie as if nothing happened.


    The entire night, I sit there, feeling Aiden''s cum spilling out of me and wetting my thong.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 155

    Intense-1


    The next day, I''m tidying up my room after a shower and before dinner. I grab a sweater I have on my bedside table and in the process, my phone falls on the floor.


    It shes on and the numbers from the corner of the screen stare back at me.


    My heart goes into overdrive.


    They''re small, unassuming, but they define my entire life at this point.


    February 14th.


    I''ve been avoiding my phone all day for this exact reason. I didn''t want to be reminded. And now I''m here, in the suffocating quiet, trying not to drown in it.


    Burning rubber and gasoline.


    The crunch of metal folding in on itself.


    shing lights. Red, white, blue, like a strobe in the middle of the nightmare.


    The images and memories bombard me, and I struggle to breathe.


    I wrap myself tighter in the nket I stole off the bed, dragging it with me like a shield as


    I step onto the balcony of my room. The cold air bites at my face, but I wee it.


    It''s sharp, cold...pletely opposite to that day as I watched the first responders check my family for signs of life.


    I was hot that day, burning from the inside out.


    The panic was too much.


    I sit on the chair, knees pulled up to my chest, staring out into nothing. It''s so dark and without lightsing from arge city, I can see the stars and the moon perfectly. It''s


    beautiful.


    The tearse quietly at first, slipping down my cheeks without much fuss. But it''s the guilt that gets me. The tight, gnawing weight in my chest that never really leaves, just burrows deeper on days like this.


    intense 1


    I press my face into the nket, trying to silence the sound that escapes me. It''s pathetic.


    I''m pathetic.


    I don''t hear the door open at first. It''s the soft creak of the floorboards that makes me lift my head, wiping at my face quickly, hoping I don''t look as wrecked as I feel.


    "Alina?" Zaid''s voice is low, careful.


    Relief floods me as soon as I see him. My body exhales without permission. Anyone else I might have faked a smile for. Lied. But Zaid? I don''t have the energy. And something


    about him makes me think I don''t need to.


    His eyes soften when he steps out onto the balcony, barefoot despite the cold.


    He knows. It feels like he always knows what I''m feeling just by looking at me.


    I don''t say anything; I don''t trust my voice yet.


    Without a word, he crouches down and scoops me up, nket and all. He settles into the


    chair with me curled in hisp, his arms solid and warm as they fold around me.


    I bury my face in his chest, letting myself melt into him, breathing in the faint scent


    of


    his cologne. It smells like something safe.


    "You wanna talk about it?" he asks after a moment, his fingers moving slowly against my back.


    I shake my head. He nods and just holds me.


    We sit like that for an hour and then I hear him breathe, as if wanting to say something. I feel his body tense under me. Not in a way that makes me pull away, but enough that I notice. Enough that I lift my head, peering up at him.


    "What''s wrong?" I ask, wiping at my face.


    His jaw tightens as his gaze searches mine. He swallows hard.


    "I don''t know if it''s my ce to have this conversation with you," he says finally.


    I frown. "What do you mean?"


    Intense-1


    He shifts, sitting up straighter, bringing me with him. His hand curls around my thigh. His eyes meet mine, and I swear I stop breathing.


    I blink. His eyes, god, his eyes. They''re always intense, always burning with something intense, but now? It''s different.


    He''s looking at me like I''m the only thing that''s ever mattered. Like I''m the only thing that will ever matter. Like if I stopped breathing, he''d stop too. That if I disappeared, he''d burn the whole world down just to find me again. It''s not just want, or lust...it''s need.


    It''s devotion.


    It''s this raw, almost feral kind of love that feels like it could crush me if I let it. Chapter Comments


    Visitor


    am I the only one who feel like Zaid is the only one who really cares about her?


    Visitor


    POST COMMENT


    Honestly she''s kidding herself Zaid is right. She jumped on a stranger just to feel. She doesn''t even take time to get to know anyone without jumping them because she just wants to be lost...


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 Chapter 156

    Intense-2


    And for a second, I don''t breathe. My chest is tight, and I can''t tell if it''s fear or something else twisting inside me.


    Because I know Aiden cares about me.


    I know Jake does, too.


    But Zaid?


    Zaid looks at me like he''d already chosen me a long time ago, and now he''s just waiting for me to catch up. And it''s not subtle.


    It''s consuming.


    I feel something crack open inside of me when I realize it. Something dangerous. Because when I look at him, I feel it too."


    And then my mind panics. Because what about Aiden? What about Jake? I love them, too.


    Don''t I? Do they make me feel like this? Do they look at me like this?


    I try to sort it out, but my brain shuts down, my heart stuttering as I press the thoughts away. I don''t want topare. I don''t want to weigh one against the other.


    Zaid tilts his head, his fingers gripping my chin so that I look at him. "Alina?"


    His touch burns me, and I struggle to speak. "Yes?"


    He frowns, shaking his head. "Maybe we can talk about it another day."


    No. No. He can''t leave me alone with my thoughts. "It''s okay."


    He blows out a steady stream of air. "I need to ask you something," he says quietly. "But I don''t know if it will upset you.''


    "Okay," I whisper, my throat tight.


    He draws in a breath. "Do you feel like... being with us is just a bandaid for the pain you feel after losing your family?" D


    Intense-2


    My first instinct rises fast. Deflect, be on the defensive, bark at him. But I catch it. I catch it because he''s not using me.


    He''s worried. For me. For himself. For all of us.


    I force myself to exhale slowly. "What do you mean?"


    He studies me for a second longer, like he''s trying to figure out if he should even say it. Then, quietly, "We''re all so into you. Fuck, I mean, I''m so into you. And I know myself. I know I''m not easy, that I can be a bit intense-"


    He catches when I lift an eyebrow and he snorts.


    "Fine, really intense. We all are. Each of us on our own is a lot. Together? I feel like it can be overwhelming. And I wonder sometimes if dating the three of us at once is... too much. If you like it because it keeps your mind busy. Keeps you from having to deal with the stuff you should be working through."


    I sit with that. It hurts, yeah. But he''s not wrong. It''s not like I haven''t thought about it before.


    I don''t say anything at first. Instead, Iy my head back on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.


    After a minute, I murmur, "I won''t lie and say you guys don''t help me forget sometimes. You do. You make it easier to breathe. But it''s not, it''s not just that. I like being with you. All of you. I like how I feel when I''m around you. I like who I am when I''m with you."


    His arms tighten around me. "I just... You mean a lot to me. It would suck toe out this realizing that I cared more for you than you did for me, or that you never cared at all."


    I lift my head again, meeting his gaze. "Do I make you feel like I''m using you?"


    He shakes his head, no hesitation. "No. You-don''t. But I think about it. We''ve all been through our own shit, and I guess I just want to make sure that what we''re doing is good for you. That if it falls apart, you''ll be okay."


    I nod slowly, trying to hide the way my heart flinches in my chest. If it falls apart? He looks at me, waiting for an answer. "I''m here because I want to be, Zaid. Because I want


    Intense-2


    this. With you. With Aiden. With Jake. I don''t want it to fall apart."


    His throat works as he swallows again, but he nods. "Okay."


    Iy back against him, letting the silence settle around us again.

 Chapter 157

    Don''t Want to Talk-1


    The movie ys on the screen while Zaid''s hand rests on my thigh. He''s rubbing circles into my skin, but all it does is make me annoyed that it''s really the only contact I''ve gotten all day.


    I ignore thements the guys make as they point out the ws in the movie. Usually I''d join in, but tonight I can''t seem to care.


    I''m sitting between Zaid and Aiden, while Jake is on the recliner on his own.


    They''ve all been a bit quieter today. Weirdly quiet.


    Like I might break if they even look at me too hard. It''s pissing me off.


    They''re walking on eggshells. Not flirty. Not yful. No teasing. Like they all know what today is and they think I''m going to shatter any second. Like I haven''t been walking around with this day carved into me every day for the past two years.


    I clench the nket around me tighter, digging my nails into the fabric to keep the sting in my eyes from turning into something worse.


    I don''t want to cry. I don''t want to feel it.


    When the movie ends, Aiden leans forward to shut the TV off, but I grab the remote first.


    "Wait, I''m not tired. I''m going to put something else on," I say, clicking through the apps to choose another one.


    Absolute silence is what I get from them all.


    "You guys good with this one?" I ask, my voice t.


    Zaid keeps his eyes on me and nods. Aiden shrugs, even though I can tell he''s tired. His eyes are heavier than usual, and there''s a small line between his brows, like he''s trying not to frown.


    Jake says nothing. His gaze just darkens, his nostrils ring like he''s trying to keep something inside.


    Don''t Want to Talk 1


    Halfway through the movie, Zaid''s head tilts against the back of the couch, his breathing going soft and even. Not long after, Aiden folds his arms and sinks deeper into the cushions, asleep too.


    Jake is still quiet, still unmoving. For a while, I stare at the screen, not really watching. I let my mind go nk because the moment I think, I''ll remember. And I can''t remember.


    Not right now.


    When the credits roll, I search for another movie without looking at Jake. I figure he''s out cold too, like the other two.


    "It''ste, you know."


    I jump from where I''m sitting and look at Jake.


    He tilts his head. "Aren''t you tired?"


    I still, the remote loose in my hand. My eyes drop to myp. ¡°If I sleep, I''ll have


    nightmares, and I don''t want to have nightmares."


    There''s a beat of silence before I hear him shift. "Come here."


    I nce at him, and he''s already sitting up, his arms open.


    I don''t hesitate. My body has been craving his touch... any touch.


    I crawl off the couch and into hisp, wrapping my arms around his neck as I


    settle against him. He smells like soap and clean clothes, like he could be someone steady in the middle of all my chaos.


    There''s a sadness in his eyes and it just tears me apart. I shake my head, but I don''t speak before he opens his mouth.


    "Alina, I''m so sorry-"


    "No," I whisper, tensing. "I don''t want to talk."


    His eyes drop to my lips and he swallows thickly. He kisses me. No hesitation. It''s hard


    and deep and real. Like he''s trying to pull me out of myself, like he''s trying to anchor me here, right now.


    Don''t Want to Talk-1


    My hands fist in his shirt, and I kiss him back, everything inside me cracking open. It''s


    messy and desperate and exactly what I need. I grind into him, causing him to hiss as he pulls away from my lips.


    "Alina-"


    "Please," I beg against his lips. "I don''t need you to treat me like I''m fragile."


    His eyes darken. "I didn''t know what you needed from me today."


    I grimace. "You could''ve asked."


    He grabs the hair at the base of my neck and pulls my head back. "What do you need, baby?"


    I grab his cock, which has hardened under my thighs. "This."


    His nostrils re as he looks me over. "Are you sure, baby?"


    I nod desperately. "I don''t want to talk, or think, I just want to lose myself."


    He pulls harder on my hair and I whimper. "That I can do for you, baby."


    He slips his hand between my thighs, under my pants, and I gasp, feeling the way


    his fingers slip from how wet I am.


    He frowns at me, lifting an eyebrow. "How are you so wet already?"


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 158

    Don''t Want to Talk-2


    My voicees out in a breathy mess. "It''s the first day of this entire trip that I haven''t been fucked. It''s all I could think about."


    He growls deep in his deep and nips at my skin, running his teeth across my jaw and down my throat. Oh my. He inserts a finger without resistance and I shift my hips, riding his hand. He pumps his finger, inserting another, my orgasm building.


    I feel it at the back of my neck, that delicious feeling growing.


    The sound of my wetness fills the living room, joined by my heavy breathing and Jake''s low growls.


    "Ride my hand until youe all over me, baby. I''m going to make youe so fucking hard, and then I''m going to spread those beautiful legs of yours and fuck your asshole


    until you scream.


    39


    That''s the only kind of talking I want right now. His words make me clench around his fingers; I grab onto his wrist and thrust my hips one more time. My orgasm washes through me and I cover my mouth to stop my moan. Aiden and Zaid are still sound


    asleep.


    Jake smiles, smug and satisfied. He draws his hand from me, and I fall against his chest, catching my breath.


    He pats my thigh once. "I want you naked when I fuck you."


    My stomach coils and I stand, quickly pulling off my shirt and sweatpants. Jake stands,


    taking off his own shirt as he moves to the other empty couch. He sits down, watching me


    with slow, hooded eyes as he fists his cock.


    "Fuck, you''re beautiful."


    My skin breaks out in goosebumps, and I make my way toward him. I;m about to straddle his hips when he grabs onto my waist and turns me around. He pulls me onto hisp with my back to his chest, his hands grabbing my ass and his thumb pressing into my hole.


    I gasp, my back arching. I nce over at Zaid and Aiden, their bodies still slumped over with sleep.


    Don''t Want to Talk-2


    Jake drags his fingers to my pussy, gathering the wetness there and spreading it to my ass. The moment he presses the head of his cock there, I hiss.


    "Jake," I moan, reaching back to grip the base of his cock.


    I line him up better, lifting myself up and then slowly lowering onto him.


    His fingers dig into my hips, and he moans against my back. "Fuck. Fuck, you''re tight."


    I let my head fall back, slowly lowering myself on his length until my muscles clench around him, pulsing from the intrusion. Every time it feels better, every time I feel fuller.


    For a moment, we just breathe into each other. His hands run up and down my spine before they spread my ass cheeks so he can get a better look.


    ¡°Alina, fuck, I will never get enough of you, baby."


    I shift my hips, but he stops me with his hands on my hips.


    "Fuck, I''m going toe," he chuckles. "Take it easy on me. I''m just a man.¡±


    Iugh, nestling the back of my head onto his shoulder and closing my eyes. We just sit there still, together. Connected. My ass clenches around him and he moans softly into my


    ear, kissing my earlobe.


    Without warning, he grabs me from the bottom of my thighs and lifts me, then drops me.


    I moan, my skin breaking out into goosebumps.


    He lifts me three more times before he stills. "You gonna join us or just stare?"


    I stiffen, looking over at both of the guys. Aiden is still sound asleep, but Zaid is awake, watching us. His eyes drop down from my face to my pussy, and I suddenly be aware of how spread apart my legs are.


    He adjusts the growing bulge in his pants and stands, making his way toward us. My heart hammers in my chest, anticipation, excitement, and relief flooding me. He says nothing, just ces one hand on the couch and leans in. He kisses me, dropping his other hand between my legs where he circles my clit.


    I jolt, moaning into his lips. His tongue explores me like he''s starving for it and that,bined with his hand on my clit, and Jake''s cock in my ass, has me falling over my


    Don''t Want to Talk-2


    edge.


    I tremble, whimpering into Zaid''s kiss. My hands drop to his wrist on instinct, but


    he


    doesn''t let that stop the precise movements of his fingers.


    I feel Jake''s hands on my thighs as they tighten. His breath is a struggle and I know he''s


    close.


    I''m dizzy, delirious.


    Zaid lifts his hand from the couch, wrapping it around my throat to angle my head. It lets him thrust his tongue down my throat, devouring me as I struggle to breathe.


    He pinches my clit, and I shatter, crying into him as my entire body crumples into itself. My nipples peak, my pussy clenching on nothing as my asshole grips tightly onto Jake''s


    cock.


    His fingers dig into my ass cheeks, holding me still, and he pumps me full of his


    cum.

 Chapter 159

    Two Hours-1


    A broken moan leaves my throat when Jake pulls out of me. I can feel my asshole gaping, can feel the loss of his fullness. Zaid watches me, dark eyes assessing,


    but he says


    nothing.


    All he does is adjust himself in his pants and moves away. That gives Jake the space to stand, his arms around me as he lifts me with him. He also doesn''t say anything. He walks


    us out of the living room and toward the stairs.


    Zaid doesn''t follow us, instead he picks up the mess of food and tes we left on the coffee table. I hear the click of the TV being shut off, the soft tter of dishes being


    stacked in the sink.


    I''m too tired to fight him on it, too worn down to argue that he should just join us in bed.


    I feel heavy and drained all at the same time.


    By the time Jake nudges his bedroom door open with his foot, I''m half-asleep against his


    chest. The bed''s soft as he lowers me onto it, and I shiver a little at the cool sheets. He


    climbs in next to me without letting go, pulling me in close. His lips brush over mine.


    I open up for him, taking his tongue and thrusting mine into his mouth. It feels good to be explored in a way that makes you feel cared for. We kiss for a while, tangled up together, his arms wrapped around me.


    It makes me feel safe. It''s a false sense of security. The memories will always haunt me,


    regardless. I''m too exhausted to keep my eyes open.


    Sleepes and so do the dreams. The memories.


    The nightmares.


    Metal shrieking. Tires skidding. That awful weightless second before the impact. The smell of burning rubber. Of gasoline. The sharp, coppery bite of blood. Alex''s limp body being carried out of the car-


    I jolt awake with a choked gasp, air burning in my lungs. My heart''s pounding, and


    I hate myself for this.


    I knew I''d have nightmares. I knew it. And I still let myself fall asleep.


    Two Hours-1


    I drag my hands over my face, trying to breathe, but it''s ragged. Ugly. My eyes sting, but I refuse to cry.


    Then I feel a hand. Warm. Heavy. Resting on my thigh.


    I turn, and Zaid''s there. Laying beside me, his dark eyes on mine, steady.


    He must''vee up after I''d fallen asleep. I didn''t hear him. Didn''t feel him. But he''s here now, and when he touches my face, it''s careful. His thumb brushes over my cheek like he''s memorizing the sight of me.


    "You''re okay," he murmurs. His voice is rough with sleep, but it wraps around me.


    I want to say something. I don''t know what.


    He moves and I blink in the darkness when I suddenly lose sight of him.


    His name is caught on my tongue. I don''t get it out. His hands spread my thighs, and he''s eating me out. I can''t think.


    Thank god I can''t think.


    His mouth, his lips, his tongue are warm and wet against my center and he brings my hunger back to life. It ignites inside of me. I fist the sheets beneath me, gasping for breath.


    His fingers dig into my skin as he sucks my clit between his teeth, biting down. That makes my back arch. He deepens his onught, thrusting his tongue into me, his fingers moving to massage my inner thighs.


    The nightmare is long forgotten and I cry into the pillow, trembling as Ie.


    He hums, slurping up all the wetness he can. The sound is obscene, like a thirsty man gulping down water.


    I should be embarrassed, but I can''t be. I belong with him, like this.


    He makes me orgasm two more times and then I am pushing at his shoulders, my thighs tight against his head. ¡°Zaid, please. I can''t. It''s too much."


    I''m exhausted.


    Two Hours-1


    He pulls away, reluctantly, and shifts up over my body. He rests his forehead against mine, breathing hard, and I feel the faintest curve of a smile ghost across his lips. Heys back down, tugging me with him until I''m tucked under his arm, my head on his chest. His hand finds mine and threads our fingers together.

 Chapter 160

    Two Hours-1


    A broken moan leaves my throat when Jake pulls out of me. I can feel my asshole gaping, can feel the loss of his fullness. Zaid watches me, dark eyes assessing,


    but he says


    nothing.


    All he does is adjust himself in his pants and moves away. That gives Jake the space to stand, his arms around me as he lifts me with him. He also doesn''t say anything. He walks


    us out of the living room and toward the stairs.


    Zaid doesn''t follow us, instead he picks up the mess of food and tes we left on the coffee table. I hear the click of the TV being shut off, the soft tter of dishes being


    stacked in the sink.


    I''m too tired to fight him on it, too worn down to argue that he should just join us in bed.


    I feel heavy and drained all at the same time.


    By the time Jake nudges his bedroom door open with his foot, I''m half-asleep against his


    chest. The bed''s soft as he lowers me onto it, and I shiver a little at the cool sheets. He


    climbs in next to me without letting go, pulling me in close. His lips brush over mine.


    I open up for him, taking his tongue and thrusting mine into his mouth. It feels good to be explored in a way that makes you feel cared for. We kiss for a while, tangled up together, his arms wrapped around me.


    It makes me feel safe. It''s a false sense of security. The memories will always haunt me,


    regardless. I''m too exhausted to keep my eyes open.


    Sleepes and so do the dreams. The memories.


    The nightmares.


    Metal shrieking. Tires skidding. That awful weightless second before the impact. The smell of burning rubber. Of gasoline. The sharp, coppery bite of blood. Alex''s limp body being carried out of the car-


    I jolt awake with a choked gasp, air burning in my lungs. My heart''s pounding, and


    I hate myself for this.


    I knew I''d have nightmares. I knew it. And I still let myself fall asleep.


    Two Hours-1


    I drag my hands over my face, trying to breathe, but it''s ragged. Ugly. My eyes sting, but I refuse to cry.


    Then I feel a hand. Warm. Heavy. Resting on my thigh.


    I turn, and Zaid''s there. Laying beside me, his dark eyes on mine, steady.


    He must''vee up after I''d fallen asleep. I didn''t hear him. Didn''t feel him. But he''s here now, and when he touches my face, it''s careful. His thumb brushes over my cheek like he''s memorizing the sight of me.


    "You''re okay," he murmurs. His voice is rough with sleep, but it wraps around me.


    I want to say something. I don''t know what.


    He moves and I blink in the darkness when I suddenly lose sight of him.


    His name is caught on my tongue. I don''t get it out. His hands spread my thighs, and he''s eating me out. I can''t think.


    Thank god I can''t think.


    His mouth, his lips, his tongue are warm and wet against my center and he brings my hunger back to life. It ignites inside of me. I fist the sheets beneath me, gasping for breath.


    His fingers dig into my skin as he sucks my clit between his teeth, biting down. That makes my back arch. He deepens his onught, thrusting his tongue into me, his fingers moving to massage my inner thighs.


    The nightmare is long forgotten and I cry into the pillow, trembling as Ie.


    He hums, slurping up all the wetness he can. The sound is obscene, like a thirsty man gulping down water.


    I should be embarrassed, but I can''t be. I belong with him, like this.


    He makes me orgasm two more times and then I am pushing at his shoulders, my thighs tight against his head. ¡°Zaid, please. I can''t. It''s too much."


    I''m exhausted.


    Two Hours-1


    He pulls away, reluctantly, and shifts up over my body. He rests his forehead against mine, breathing hard, and I feel the faintest curve of a smile ghost across his lips. Heys back down, tugging me with him until I''m tucked under his arm, my head on his chest. His hand finds mine and threads our fingers together.

 Chapter 161

    Two Hours-2


    He''s asleep before I can settle.


    I listen to his breathing even out, slow and deep, and I tell myself I should sleep too. But I


    can''t.


    The nightmare''s still under my skin.


    My body aches, my eyes burn, and my head feels too heavy for my neck. But I stay awake. Because I''m too afraid of what''s waiting for me when I close my eyes.


    I''m staring at the ceiling when the door creaks open.


    I lift my head just a little and watch as Aiden shuffles in, half-asleep, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. His dark hair''s messy, and he''s wearing nothing but sweatpants,


    his chest bare.


    He doesn''t say anything at first. He just climbs into bed on my other side because Jake, in his sleep, has rolled away to the edge of the mattress.


    Aiden mumbles into the pillow, his voice thick with sleep, "You should''ve woken me up.


    That couch is ufortable."


    I chuckle.


    And then his arm is around me, pulling me in close.


    His head shoots up, and he looks down at me, eyes widening when he sees that I''m naked.


    That wakes him uppletely.


    "Fckkkkkk," his gravelly voice is melting me from the inside out.


    It''s immediate, the erection in his pants. He tries to push it down, but I stop him,


    recing his hand with mine and then pulling it out of his pants.


    He growls, and then he''s on me. It''s fast. He grabs one of my knees, bending me with his weight. In one single thrust, he''s balls deep inside me.


    We both moan, synching our breathing as we adjust.


    Two Hours-2


    "You''re so wet," he grunts.


    I nod against his mouth, looking for a kiss. He pulls back, not letting me, and he studies my face.


    "Did you just get fucked?"


    I keep my eyes on him, realizing that he''s not upset. He likes it. My Aiden likes sharing me. I nod.


    His nostrils re, and he thrusts, muscles tensing.


    "In the ass," I whisper, my back arching when he presses my knee higher on my body and lower onto the bed.


    ¡°Fuck,¡± he moans, giving me a burst of quick thrusts like he couldn''t stop himself. The sensation has me rolling my eyes to the back of my head. I grab onto his shoulders and press my forehead to his. "Then, Zaid ate me out."


    He grabs my ass, angling me so he can thrust into me at a much faster pace, the headboard mming into the wall.


    "How many times did youe?" He struggles to speak, but that only makes him hotter.


    "F-four times," I cry, my answer making him fuck me harder.


    I''m pushed deeper into the mattress, the headboard so loud that Jake wakes up with a


    grunt.


    Zaid only groans as he turns to face me. I look right at him as Aiden bursts inside


    me,


    cum filling my pussy.


    Aiden pulls away and I want toin, but I find that he has only moved because Jake is recing him. He holds onto my hips and thrusts inside me. I gasp, tears pricking at the back of my eyes.


    "We have about two hours until sunrise," he says. He''s looking right at me, but he''s


    speaking to Zaid and Aiden.


    He shifts us, moving us so that we are on our sides, then Zaid''s hands spread my


    ass


    Two Hours-2


    cheeks. My body prickles, knowing what''s happening next.


    He takes his time, teasing me as he slowly enters me. I wrap my leg around


    Jake''s waist, kissing him as Zaid seats himself inside me.


    They fuck me, slow and gentle, careful and deliberate.


    Aiden only needs a few minutes to gather himself before he''s thrusting himself deep in my throat.

 Chapter 162

    You''re So Easy-1


    We leave a couple of dayster.


    The ride home feels different from when we came. It''s less tense, the four of us exhausted from how much we yed and slept together. I''m sore everywhere, but I wouldn''t change thest week for anything.


    Things feel lighter somehow. It''s almost as if we''re not carrying as much weight as


    we


    used to.


    I''m curled up in the backseat, one leg draped over Jake''sp, my head resting against the car door. Aiden is in the passenger seat again because of his long legs, and Zaid drives.


    Jake''s fingers tracezy circles on my calf and I breathe deeply, enjoying his touch.


    It''s easy. It''s peaceful.


    For the first time in too long, I feel good. Like we''re finally on the same page. Like we aren''t just circling the same old arguments, too scared to figure out what we want. We''re figuring it out now.


    We''re better.


    Still, there''s this quiet whisper in the back of my head reminding me that things can fall apart in a second. There is still tension between Zaid and I, between him and Jake.


    There''s still so much we haven''t figured out, and plenty that could slip through the cracks. But for now, I push the thoughts down deep and let myself be in this moment. We can celebrate the small wins as theye.


    We''re about an hour out of the city when Zaid pulls off the freeway toward a gas station.


    "I need caffeine if I''m going to get us home without driving into a ditch," he says, watching me in the rearview mirror.


    Aiden makes a face. "You''re not that old, Zaid. Come on."


    Zaid unbuckles his belt and yfully punches Aiden on the arm.


    You''re So Easy 1


    Aiden shakes his head. "I guess I''ll fill up the tank."


    Jake chuckles under his breath as I uncoil from him and stretch.


    "I''lle with you," I tell Zaid, opening my door.


    The air is crisp when I step out, but Zaid''s already waiting by the hood of the car. His


    fingers slip between mine and we head toward the convenience store.


    There''s a few more cars parked, but I don''t see many people. It''s quiet for a few moments, just the sound of gravel crunching under our boots and the wind blowing through the


    trees.


    Inside, it smells like burnt coffee and over-sweet candy, and the humming fluorescent


    lights give me a headache just by looking at them.


    "You good?" he asks, ncing down at me as we pass a rack of chips.


    I nod, and before I can say anything else, he''s stopping in the middle of the aisle.


    His hand tugs on mine just enough that I stumble into him, and his free handes up to cup my jaw. He kisses me, soft and quick, like he does this all the time and isn''t always


    intense.


    His lips pull into a smile against mine, and I smile too, my heart stuttering in the best way. We pull apart and our smiles disappear the moment we hear a gasp.


    We both turn at the same time.


    My heart hammers in my chest when I see Sadie.


    Her white-blonde hair is pinned back in that perfect messy bun she always does, and her lip gloss catches the light as her mouth twists into an ugly scowl. She stares at us, at Zaid''s hand still holding my face, at the way we stand so close.


    Her gaze flickers back and forth between us, disgust darkening her expression. "Wow, you really are a whore," she sneers. "Didn''t take you long, huh, Alina? I''m not surprised you''re so easy."


    I force myself not to flinch. I open my mouth to say something, anything.

 Chapter 163

    You''re So Easy-2


    But Zaid''s already moving.


    He lets go of me, only to step forward, putting himself squarely between Sadie and me. "Come on Sadie, just walk away."


    Sadie''s lips twist. "You''re embarrassing yourself."


    Zaid tilts his head, and there''s something cold in his eyes that makes her step


    back without realizing it. "You think I care what you think?"


    Her eyes dart to mine. "You took me to your father''s wedding rehearsal. Me. She''s with Aiden, isn''t she?"


    The reminder of that has me struggling to breathe.


    Zaid''s back notably tenses and I''d give anything to know what he''s thinking.


    "You don''t get to talk about her. Not now, not ever," he says. "You don''t get to look at her


    like you''re better. You''re not."


    Sadie''s jaw drops. Her face is bright red now, and she''s shaking a little; whether it''s from anger or embarrassment, I don''t know.


    "I thought you had better taste," she snaps weakly.


    Zaid nods. "I do. That''s why I''m with her."


    Pain crosses her eyes, but I don''t find it in me to feel bad. She turns on her heel and


    walks away in a huff, her sneakers squeaking on the floor.


    For a second, I can''t move. My stomach twists so hard I think I might be sick.


    "Zaid," I whisper, my pulse hammering. "What are we going to do?"


    He lets out a slow breath, his thumb brushing my cheek before his hand falls back to my waist. "What do you mean?"


    "She''s going to tell everyone," I whisper.


    You''re So Laby


    He frowns, "About us?"


    I nod.


    "And... that''s bad?"


    I blink at him, my chest tight. "Yes! I... I mean, rtionships like this aren''t normal. And


    you''re a guy!"


    He looks around like I''m insane.


    "No one will say anything to you, but me? They''re call me exactly what Sadie did just


    now."


    Zaid''s hand squeezes at my waist, steadying me. "It''s going to be okay. We''ll figure this


    out."


    His eyes search mine, and I know he means it. I swallow hard and nod, even if my


    stomach''s still a knot.


    We head back toward the car. Zaid stays close, his fingers stillced through mine, like he''s daring the world to say something about it.


    Jake''s the first to notice when we get close. He''s leaning against the passenger door, brows drawn together. Aiden''s in the front seat but turns around as soon as he sees us.


    "What happened?" Jake asks, frowning as he scans my face.


    Zaid nces at me like he''s giving me the choice. I take a breath.


    "We ran into Sadie," I say quietly.


    Aiden''s jaw clenches. "What did she say?"


    "Nothing worth repeating," Zaid says, his tone sharp.


    Jake looks between the two of us, his eyes softening as theynd on me. "You okay?"


    I hesitate, then nod. "Yeah. I will be.''


    We settle back in the car and I keep my mouth shut as I look out the window, gnawing on


    4:21 pm


    121pm


    You''re So Easy-2


    my lip as I think about what tomorrow at school will bring.


    "You should probably stay with her all day tomorrow," Zaid says from the passenger seat, looking over at Aiden.


    Aiden sighs, but I see him nod. ¡°She''s going to start a bunch of shit.¡±


    Zaid''s jaw clenches and I wonder if he''s thinking about the same thing I am. About how


    he brought her to the wedding rehearsal as a punishment for me. I had almost


    forgotten. I never asked him about it, and we never talked about it again.


    Jake''s hand suddenly reaches for mine, but I don''t have the energy to look at him and see the question in his eyes.


    I just want to get home.

 Chapter 164

    I Don''t Fight It-1


    The next morning is quieter than I expect. We all slept separately, fired from the days in the cabin and wanting some alone time. I wake up still feeling ofhausted, still feeling the tiredness in my bones, but I begrudgingly get ready for scho


    No one says much over breakfast; we just talk about our ns for the day and what we want to do for dinner. I''m grabbing my bag aske leans against the counter, scrolling through something on his phone, and Zaid pours himself coffee without lookin


    anyone.


    Our run in with Sadie yesterday has my stomach turning, I don''t know what to expect today and I hate how much it''s affecting me.


    I think about Will and how much it upset her when the thought I was trying to take Aiden from her. Now, she feels the same about Zaid. What will she do?


    Jake kisses me by the door, his thumb brushing along my jaw. "Call me if you need anything. If you want me to pick you up or whatever, just call, okay?"


    1 nod. "Okay,"


    His lips press against mine again, but this time it''s deeper. Slower. Like he doesn''t want to let go. When he finally does, I have to catch my breath a little.


    Zaid watches as Jake walks away, and then he steps closer. I turn to him, not sure how to read the look in his eyes. He cups my face lightly, his thumb just ghosting over my cheek.


    "I''m sorry," he murmurs,


    I look up into his eyes and feel my chest tighten. There''s so much there. Too much. Bargret, guilt, apologies he isn''t saying out loud. Is he thinking about Sadie?


    I frown without meaning to, and Zaid flinches. His hand drops away as he steps back, like


    I turned him. Like he knows I won''t ept his half assed apology.


    I want to pull him back and talk, to know what he''s thinking and how he feels. I want to know if he cases, but he''s walking away.


    Aiden appears beside me. "Come on," he says simply. His fingers wrap around mine,


    I Don''t Fight It-1


    soothing me as he pulls me toward his car.


    The ride to school is quiet at first, but not in a bad way. Aiden keeps one hand on my knee while he drives with the other, and it''s enough to keep me from thinking too hard.


    He doesn''t speak up until we''re pulling into the parking lot. "Are you okay?"


    I swallow and nod.


    "I won''t let her do anything to you."


    I keep my eyes on the window. "Thank you."


    "Are you okay with Zaid?"


    I shrug. "We''ve never really talked about what he did at the rehearsal dinner." He puts the car in park and his eyes eyebrows lift. "Shit. I forgot about that.'' "Yeah." My stomach twists, but I don''t want to have this conversation, not now. I open the car door and step out, keeping my head down as I head to my ss. Aiden doesn''t leave my side. Not for a second.


    Even when I tell him it''s fine, that I''m okay, he shrugs and follows me into every ss. The teachers don''t say a word. They just smile like they''ve already decided Aiden can do whatever he wants, and he kind of can.


    I roll my eyes when he leans in to whisper something that makes Ms. Harper blush in the middle of calculus, but it works. He stays with me.


    By lunch, I feel a little more like myself. We sit at the usual table outside, the sun warm on my skin. Nikki''s talking about Parker and Aiden has his arm draped over the back of my chair, his thumbzily tracing circles on my shoulder as heughs.


    Nikki stops mid story, her eyes going to mine, and I feel her before I see her.

 Chapter 165

    I Don''t Fight It-2


    That cold prickle at the back of my neck. I look over my shoulder, and there is Sadie, walking toward us like she owns the school. Her two shadows nking her, both of them wearing identical, mocking smirks.


    Sadie flips her hair over her shoulder as shees to a stop in front of us, her smile stretching wide when her eyesnd on Aiden''s arm around me.


    "Well, well," she says, her voice syrupy sweet. "Isn''t this cute?"


    Aiden doesn''t move. His fingers stay exactly where they are, rxed.


    Sadieughs, like this is all a joke. "You might want to be careful, Aiden. Your girlfriend''s


    a cheater."


    She says it loud enough for the other tables to hear. I feel the weight of all those stares pressing down on me and Aiden''s fingers press into me.


    I know it''s his way offorting me. He keeps his expression nk, not even blinking.


    "With your brother," sheughs, shaking her head.


    Aiden sighs. "You done, Sadie?"


    Sadie''s smile falters then. She looks at Aiden, then at his arm still around me,


    then directly at me. "You already knew."


    Aiden inhales deeply. "You can leave now."


    Sadie stares at him like he''s lost his mind. Then her eyes widen as it clicks. "Oh, my God.


    You''re sharing her."


    My throat goes tight.


    Sadie''s gaze cuts to me, disgust twisting her face. "You''re an even bigger whore than I


    thought."


    The words hit like a punch. My lungs squeeze tight. The world tilts.


    Everyone''s looking.


    I Don''t Fight It-2


    They''re staring.


    It feels just like it did after the ident. The whispers. The pitying looks. The judgment.


    My breathing turns shallow. Too fast. I try to stand, but my legs barely work.


    Aiden drops his arm and stands, blocking me from her view. "Get the fuck away from us,


    Sadie."


    I hear Nikki''s voice, sharp and angry. "Bitch."


    They start yelling at each other, but I don''t care. I bolt.


    I run inside and down the hall until I find the bathroom. I shove the door open and stumble into a stall, falling against the cold tile. My stomach twists painfully, and then I''m throwing up.


    "Alina!¡± Nikki''s voice is close, and then her hand is on my back, holding my hair out of my face as I shake and gasp for air.


    I wipe my mouth, my hands trembling. "I''m fine."


    "No, you''re not."


    The door creaks open again.


    Aiden''s voice is low as he squats next to me. "Jake''s on his way."


    I nod, still breathing too fast, but I manage to straighten a little.


    He watches me, eyes soft, and he hands me his water. I take it with shaking fingers and


    sip slowly, the cold a shock to my system.


    "Thank you," I whisper.


    "I''ll walk you to the office," Aiden says.


    I nod again because I don''t trust my voice.


    Nikki stays close as we walk back through the halls. I can feel eyes on me, but I keep my head down. Aiden walks with his arm around me, clearing the way and protecting me.


    I Don''t Fight It-2


    Jake''s already there when we reach the office. He looks up, his jaw tight when he sees me.


    "You okay?" he asks quietly as we walk out together.


    I shake my head. "I don''t want to talk about it."


    He nods, his hand finding mine and squeezing gently. "Okay."


    The ride home is quiet. He doesn''t push, and I''m grateful.


    By the time we get there, I''m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.


    "I''m going upstairs," I mumble.


    Jake kisses my temple. "I''ll be here."


    I nod and climb the stairs to my room. I don''t bother changing. I just crawl into bed


    and pull the nkets over my head.


    Sleep pulls me under fast.


    And for once, I don''t fight it.

 Chapter 166

    I Knew This Was Going to Happen


    I wake up to darkness. My head pounds and I frown, groaning as I look down at my clothes.


    I''m ufortable, sweating and I don''t even know what time it is. These types of naps are the worst. I sit up, dropping my head into my hands. It feels heavy, and it pulses painfully.


    And just like that, all the memories of earlier todaye rushing in. I breathe out and hold in my cry, I will not cry. Not today, not right now.


    I push the nkets off and stand up slowly, rubbing my face.


    It''s night. The house is too quiet. I grab my phone, seeing the missed calls from Nikki, and then my eyes widen at the time. Spm.


    Shit.


    I pull on an oversized hoodie from the floor and make my way downstairs. My socked feet barely make a sound against the hardwood, but the second I step into the living room, three heads snap up.


    They''re sitting there like they''ve been waiting hours, and maybe they have been. Jake''s already getting up, his eyes scanning me like he''s trying to make sure I''m still in one piece. Aiden moves to the edge of the couch, his jaw tight, but his hand opens like he''s ready to catch me if I fall.


    Zaid''s sitting back, but his knee bounces and his hands flex on his thighs. He''s the first to stand, steps quick and desperate. "Love."


    I stay where I am, not approaching them.


    "How are you feeling?" Zaid whispers.


    "We checked on you. You were sleeping every time. We didn''t wanna wake you," Aiden adds, also standing.


    Jake stands, reaching for me.


    I Knew This Was Going to Happen


    I press my lips together, and for a second, I try to hold it in. I try to stay standing. But the second Jake reaches for my hand, I crack. My throat tightens, and before I know it, I''m


    falling.


    Onto the couch, into their arms.


    The tearse hot and hard. My breath shudders out of me, and they all shift in, surrounding me without hesitation. I don''t know whose arms are where; I only feel


    the


    weight and warmth of them holding onto me.


    "I knew it. I knew this was gonna happen," I choke out, burying my face in Jake''s chest.


    "What, baby?" Aiden asks, his fingers threading through my hair.


    "I want this. I want us. But I didn''t want to be the middle of everything. I didn''t want everyone looking at me like, like I''m something to talk about."


    Jake tenses beneath me and Zaid cusses from beside me.


    I pull back just enough to look at them, my chest heaving. "In Florida, I was the girl who


    lost her dad and brother. And now I''m gonna be the girl with three boyfriends. People are gonna stare. They''re gonna make things up about me."


    "Baby," Jakes whispers, his arms tight around my waist.


    "What we''re doing isn''t normal. It''s not. But I just want to feel normal."


    Zaid''s jaw clenches, and he looks like he''s swallowing ss. Jake''s face softens, but his


    eyes sh. Aiden takes my hand in both of his, holding it like it''s something breakable.


    "What do you need from us? Do you want to end this?" Aiden asks quietly.


    I shake my head, trying to breathe, but it''s all tight, like I''m wearing a corset I can''t uce. "No! Never. But I don''t want to go back to school. I can''t. I can''t do it."


    Jake doesn''t even hesitate. "Okay. I''ll talk to the school. We''ll get you switched to homeschooling with Zaid."


    I exhale, shaky, but it feels like I can breathe for the first time all day.


    "Really?" I ask, my voice so small it sounds wrong.


    I Knew This Was Going to Happen


    "Really," Jake says, giving my hand a squeeze. "You don''t have to go back if you don''t


    want to."


    Aiden leans in and presses his forehead to mine. "We got you, baby."


    Zaid clears his throat, and it''s almost like he''s struggling to keep up in the conversation. "We made dinner, if you''re hungry."


    I pull back just enough to scrunch my nose. "Not really. I just... I think I wanna be alone for a little while."


    Zaid nods, like he expected that. "Okay."


    I stand slowly, my limbs heavy but a little less weighed down than before. I head


    to the kitchen and grab a bag of chips out of the pantry, and then I''m heading back upstairs.


    No one stops me. No one hovers.


    I close my door softly behind me, sink onto my bed, and turn on some random movie I


    won''t rememberter. I eat two chips. Maybe three. Then I curl up under the nkets


    again and watch until my eyes blur. Sleep finds me sometime after midnight. The next day is the same.


    I sleep. Then sleep some more. It''ste afternoon when I finally drag myself out of


    bed


    and into the shower. The water is hot, and I stand there longer than I should. I''m pruning


    by the time I get out.


    I''m toweling my hair dry when there''s a knock at my door.


    "Alina?" Jake''s voicees through softly.


    My stomach does a nasty little somersault inside me. I don''t want to talk or touch.


    Or


    have anyone touch me. I''m feeling out of sorts.


    "Nikki''s here. She wants to see you. Do you want her toe up?"


    I sigh with relief. "Yes, please."


    A minuteter, Nikki''sing up the stairs. She knocks, but only once, before she


    opens the door. She''s got a worried look on her face.


    I Knew This Was Going to Happen


    "Hey," she says, stepping inside. "You okay?"


    I sit on my bed and look at her. I think about lying. About saying yes.


    But I don''t.


    "I don''t know," I say instead.


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 Chapter 167

    It Might Be Everything


    I scoot back and sit cross-legged on my bed, picking at the fraying edge of my nket


    while Nikki just watches me.


    There''s a soft smile on her lips, like she''s trying to decide if she should start this conversation. I''m floating somewhere between exhausted and just empty, trying to keep


    my mind focused on the present.


    Nikki sighs and tilts her head at me. "You know I called you five times yesterday?"


    I blink and look over at her, offering a crooked little smile. "It was fifteen times, actually."


    Her eyes widen. "Really?"


    I can''t help butugh, but ites out like a tired sigh.


    "Fifteen times?! Are you serious? That''s fucking annoying. I get why you didn''t


    answer


    me."


    That draws an actualugh from me. "Did you think I was dead or something?"


    "I did!" she says, dramatically pping her hand over her heart. "I was about two minutes. away from driving over and breaking the door down."


    "You wouldn''t have made it past the guys, plus I was sleeping all day," I tell her, my voice


    soft but teasing.


    Her mouth twists into an exaggerated grimace. ¡°I was worried about you."


    The corner of my mouth twitches again. I can''t help but be grateful she''s here, that she


    cares enough to check up on me.


    She shifts onto the bed, turning so she''s fully facing me. "But seriously... are you okay? Yesterday was a lot."


    I lower my gaze, studying my hands in myp. I can feel my shoulders start to tense. "Yeah, I''m better today."


    She watches me carefully. "You don''t have to pretend with me. If you want to talk about


    It Might Be Everything


    it, I''m here."


    I suck in a sharp breath. My knee bounces once, betraying me. "I don''t know. It was stupid, right? I was overreacting."


    Her brows pinch. She shakes her head immediately. "I don''t think you


    overreacted. I mean... maybe, maybe there''s more going on? More than just Zaid and Aiden and the Sadie drama?"


    1 freeze.


    She''s looking at me, worried. It''s like she knows, but isn''t aware of how much she can push me. We''re friends, well, she''s my only friend. But how much do we care for each


    other?


    My heart starts thudding in my ears, and for a second, I''m not sitting here on my bed. I''m somewhere else, floating outside myself, staring at this cracked,plicated version of me, wondering if this is it. If this is my chance to finally be honest with someone who isn''t Aiden, Zaid and Jake.


    I exhale slowly.


    "There''s a lot going on," I admit. And then, before I can second-guess myself, it all pours


    out.


    I tell her everything.


    About Zaid, and Aiden, and Jake. About how it started. About how it feels. About the stolen moments, the looks, the touches, the feelings I''ve tried to keep neat and tidy in my head but always end up spilling all over the ce. I tell her about the way they each make me feel different. Safe. Brave. Reckless.


    I tell her about the guilt, the confusion, the fear of being judged, and how I hate the stares because they remind me of Florida, of the whispers after the ident.


    By the time I stop talking, I feel like I''ve finished all the oxygen in the room. My chest is heaving a little. I realize I''m gripping the nket so tight my knuckles are white.


    I don''t want her to hate me, to think less of me. But I also don''t want to feel like I''m living a double life.


    It Might Be Everything


    Nikki''s mouth is hanging open. For a long second, she says nothing. And then she stands up abruptly, running both hands through her hair.


    "Oh my god," she blurts.


    I flinch. My stomach twists as I start shaking my head. "I know. I know, it''s-"


    "Alina!" she cuts me off, stepping forward fast. "No. No judgment. Well... okay, maybe a little." She gives me a wide-eyed look. "But seriously, girl. Three?! You''ve got three guys? At the same time?! I thought it was a lot with just Zaid and Aiden. But three!?"


    groan and bury my face in my hands. "Nikki..."


    She startsughing. Loudly. Like full-on bellyughing. "And Jake?! An older man?! What is your life?!"


    That makes me smile in the middle of the emotions I''m struggling to keep contained.


    She points a finger at me, nearly doubling over. "I can barely handle one! I don''t even know how to text back half the time! You''re out here managing three full-ass rtionships."


    I pull my pillow over my head.


    "Please stop yelling, Jake can probably hear you," I mumble, even though I''m


    She flops back down beside me. "I have to catch my breath."


    I drop the pillow to look at her.


    "This is a lot." She''s breathing heavy.


    I snort. "You''re acting like you''re going through this, and not me."


    "No wonder you freaked out yesterday. And threw up. I get it now."


    I frown.


    "And the constant sleeping? Makes sense."


    It Might Be Everything


    Something shifts in my chest. "Wait. What do you mean?"


    Nikki looks at me like I''ve grown another head. "I thought this was your way of


    telling me."


    My heart hammers in my chest. "Of telling you what?"


    She shakes her head. "Uh, nothing."


    "Nikki."


    She grimaces, standing as she wrings her hands together. "Do you have pregnancy tests here?"


    I freeze.


    My brain scrambles to answer, but I''ming up empty. "Uh..."


    "I''m sorry. I thought-"


    I stare at her. My throat goes dry. "Oh, my god. Oh, fuck."


    She grabs my hands, her eyes wide with something between panic and


    excitement. "We''re gonna figure it out, okay? When''s thest time you had your period?"


    I shake my head because I can''t fucking think.


    Nikki sees the freak out and backtracks. "No, no, okay. It might be nothing?


    You''ve been


    stressed. But-"


    I nod, but my heart is pounding, and the room suddenly feels too small.


    It might be nothing.


    But it might be everything.


    "You said they haven''t been wearing protection."


    I nod. "But I''m on birth control."


    Sheughs. "Yeah, but you''re getting fucked multiple times a day by multiple


    men, one of


    It Might Be Everything


    them is bound to make a baby."


    I shake my head, my jaw dropping. "Why are youughing? This isn''t funny."


    She schools her expression and shakes her head. "No, not funny."


    "What am I gonna do?" I run my fingers through my hair and lie back on the bed.


    "Okay, first thing is first; let''s take that test."


    I nod, trying to think. "We have to go to the store."


    "Okay, good a n," she smiles. ¡°Let''s go."


    I''m getting up, about to grab my shoes, when there''s a knock on my door.


    Nikki and I freeze like we''ve been caught.

 Chapter 168

    Crossing a Line


    We''re frozen.


    Suspended in time. I can''t breathe, can''t think. My heart is pounding hard enough that I


    can hear it in my ears.


    Nikki and I stare at each other, wide eyed and breathless, tying to smooth our


    faces so we


    don''t have the truth of our conversation written in our eyes.


    She motions with her hands for me to take a deep breath, so I do.


    I take a breath. Then another. I smooth my hands over my hair, adjust my shirt like that''s going to help anything, and make my way to the door. Nikki makes a dramatic motion of zipping her lips shut, throwing away the key, and sitting back against my pillows with the most innocent look I''ve ever seen.


    I almostugh.


    I pull open the door. Shock spreads through me at seeing Zaid standing there.


    He''s got something behind his back, his jaw working like he''s in the middle of chewing something bitter. His dark eyes soften when theynd on me, and my


    entire body reacts.


    My spine shudders.


    My breath turns light.


    My heart stutters.


    I miss him.


    For a second, it''s just us. I forget that Nikki.is there. I forget about Sadie, about all the shit happening around us.


    But then his eyes flick past me and catch Nikki sitting in my room. The bubble around me


    bursts.


    "Hey, didn''t know you were here," he says politely, dipping his chin at her.


    4:24 pm f


    Crossing a Line


    Nikki raises her hand in a casual wave. "Hey."


    She''s trying just a bit too hard to not look like she''s hiding something. She looks ridiculous.


    Zaid shifts his weight, eyes turning back to me. "Can we talk privately?"


    His tone is tight, and I can feel the weight of impatience pulling on it. I nce back


    at Nikki, who''s watching us like she''s at the movies.


    "We were just about to leave," I say.


    Zaid''s frown deepens. "Please. Just for a minute."


    The air between us tightens. He looks nervous, ticking, eyes shifting between mine like he


    . can''t stand still. I cross my arms loosely and tilt my head. "Are you okay?"


    His throat works, and he gives me a small, jerky nod. "I''m fine. I''m worried about you right now."


    That makes something in my chest twist. Nikki clears her throat behind me. "I can step out."


    I hesitate for half a second before sighing. "Okay."


    I step aside as Nikki slides off the bed and gives me a quick squeeze on my arm on the


    way out.


    When she''s gone, Zaid steps inside, closing the door behind him with a gentle, careful movement, like he''s afraid of breaking something. He exhales slowly, his hand dragging through his hair as he stares at the ground. Then at me.


    His nerves are written all over him.


    I''ve never really seen him like this.


    "I might be crossing a line," he starts. His voice is thick. "And you can tell me to fuck off


    if this is too much."


    I stare at him, confused. "Zaid, what-?"


    Crossing a Line


    He pulls his hand from behind his back. It''s a box.


    A box of pregnancy tests.


    The room goes very still. My brain does this dumb stuttering thing where all I can


    do is blink at the box like it''s going to spontaneously exin itself. I lift my eyes to him, catching the way he''s anxious for my reaction.


    Without thinking, I swing the door open again. "Nikki.¡±


    She''s right there on the other side, arms crossed and clearly eavesdropping. She jumps a little when I call her, but walks back in immediately. "What?"


    Zaid looks equally confused, ncing between us. He still holds the box out awkwardly, his fingers tight around the edges.


    Nikki follows my line of sight, and the second she sees it, her eyes widen. "Oh, my god."


    We all stand there for a moment, like we''re trying to figure something out.


    Then Nikki looks at Zaid. "You think she''s pregnant too?"


    He blinks. "What?"


    I close the door again, leaning my back against it while Nikki throws herself into the middle of the room like this is all normal.


    "We were just talking about that,¡± Nikki says, pointing between herself and me. "We were literally about to go get tests."


    Zaid''s mouth parts in surprise as his gaze snaps back to me. His face is soft in that way it only ever is when he''s caught off guard, like he''s just been hit in the chest with something. "You were?"


    I shrug, forcing a weakugh. "Guess you saved us a trip. And some money."


    Nikki grins, but Zaid''s eyes don''t leave me. His expression darkens, but not in a bad way. More like he''s thinking through every possible scenario at once. I feel it like a current under my skin.


    "Did you tell Jake or Aiden?" I ask quietly.


    Crossing a Line


    He shakes his head once. "No. I wanted to talk to you first. I noticed that you were feeling


    off."


    Something warm curls in my stomach, strange and heavy. I step closer and take the box from his hands, my fingers brushing his.


    "Is it okay if I do this on my own?" My voice drops at the end, hesitant.


    He frowns, his hand falling back to his side. "Of course. This is about you. Whatever you need."


    I nod, biting my lip. Then he reaches for me, and I don''t stop him. I lean into him, his arms closing around me with a kind of relief that''s hard to exin. He sighs into my hair, his breath warm against my temple like he''s been holding this in for too long.


    I close my eyes and let myself feel it. His chest against mine. The weight of his hand at my lower back. The faint, familiar scent of him that makes my stomach twist.


    "I''ve missed you," he murmurs, his lips brushing the top of my head.


    I smile against him, breathing him in, and wrap my arms around him a little tighter.


    "Me too."


    When we finally pull apart, his fingers trail down my arm like he''s reluctant to let


    go. His eyes hold mine, dark and full of something that looks like longing. "I''ll be home."


    I nod.


    Then, he quietly adds, "If you need me."


    He takes onest look at me before stepping out, closing the door, his eyes on me


    the


    entire time, like he''s afraid I''ll break.


    Nikki lets out a long breath beside me, her hands on her hips. "Well, guess we''re


    doing


    this."


    I hold up the box and stare at it like it might explode.


    "Yeah," I say. "We are."

 Chapter 169

    Two


    Nikki sighs, and it''s the only sound in the quiet bathroom. It echoes off the walls.


    She''s lying down in the tub, her arms folded beneath her head. She looks incredibly ufortable, but she doesn''tin.


    I''m standing, frozen, staring at the door because I''m too much of a wuss to turn around and look at the test on the counter. I memorize the grain and the grooves etched into the wood. I''m imagining someone bursting in and telling me this has all been a dream.


    That I don''t have to turn around and see what''s sitting on the counter behind me.


    "I can look at it if you want me to," Nikki murmurs.


    I shake my head as I turn to face her. "No, it''s okay. I''ll do it."


    But I don''t move. I can''t. My brain can''tmunicate with my body. My feet feel bolted


    to the tile.


    "Have you thought about who the father is?" she asks quietly.


    The air punches out of my lungs. I close my eyes, pressing my palm against the


    wall to stay upright. "Oh, no. That''s a whole other thing."


    Nikki shifts in the tub, sitting up now. I can feel her gaze heavy on me even though I


    refuse to look at her.


    "You''re gonna need DNA tests. For the three of them," she says, sounding thoughtful, like


    she''ll be right there with me for every step.


    It''s nice to know that I''m not alone. I swallow hard, staring at my mmy hands. "Two," I correct her.


    There''s a pause. When I nce at her, Nikki''s frowning, her eyebrows pulled tight. "Two?"


    I let my back slide down the wall until I''m sitting on the cold floor, knees bent, fingers twisting together in myp. I exhale slow. "Zaid and I, we haven''t exactly had sex, at least not the kind that can get me pregnant."


    4:25 pm F


    Two


    The words taste strangeing out of my mouth. Like they shouldn''t be true, but they are. Nikki blinks at me, her mouth parting in shock. "What? I wouldn''t assume that. I mean, he seems super into you. Intense."


    Heat crawls up my chest, not liking that I have to exin this.


    "We''ve done other things, but not that."


    She frowns. "You don''t want to? With him?"


    My skin breaks out in prickles. "I do."


    Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. "He doesn''t want to?"


    I nod, understanding the confusion because I live in it every day. "I don''t know why. He just won''t."


    I shake my head slowly, a bitterugh scraping out of me. "It''s weird because I think he


    wants to, but something stops him."


    Nikki says nothing, but a thoughtful expression crosses her face.


    I nce at her, searching her face. "I don''t know what."


    Something happens and Nikki''s face drains of color. She stiffens, her jaw


    tightening as her breathing picks up.


    "What?" I ask, heart climbing into my throat.


    She shakes her head fast, her lips pressed together. Then, after a second, she whispers,


    "There were rumors about Zaid and-"


    She stops, closing her eyes and shaking her head again like she''s trying to dislodge the thought.


    "What, Nikki?"


    "No. You need to talk to him about it. I can''t even say it."


    "What do you mean?"


    4:25 pm


    Two


    She bites down on her lower lip. "You know he was burned in the car ident?¡±


    I nod, remembering the scars across his entire body. "Yeah."


    "He was in the hospital for a long time. And- there was a nurse," she grimaces, shaking her head. "I feel like he should be telling you this. All I know is what was whispered around at school at the time. I feel icky talking about it."


    I look at her, taking in the distraught look on her face. I feel like I understand. My heart cracks and I''m not sure I feel good talking about this without Zaid. I don''t want to hear about his struggles from others.


    I look down, not wanting the conversation to end.


    "There''s probably records somewhere, since he did press charges against."


    That''s enough to confirm what I''m thinking and I shake my head, barely able to make out


    the words. ¡°I don''t- I prefer to hear this from him."


    Nikki nods. "I understand. I''m sorry. I didn''t mean to-" Her voice cracks at the edges.


    I stare at her, my skin prickling. She tries to smile at me, but I blow out a shaky breath, trying to steady myself.


    I push myself up, legs weak but holding. My eyes close again as I turn toward the counter, my hand searching blindly for the test.


    Nikki''s silent behind me, but I can hear her as she stands. I lean in, bracing my hands on the cold marble, my heart pounding so hard it feels like it''s in my ears.


    And then I look.

 Chapter 170

    What Are We Even Doing?


    One line.


    Relief floods through me so fast my knees buckle.


    "It''s negative," I say, halfughing.


    Nikki gasps.


    I drop my elbows onto the counter and let my hand fall onto my palms. "Oh, my. It''s negative."


    I want to cry, want to shudder as the tension and anxiety leaves my body like it is being pulled out of me with a force much stronger than mine. I''m not pregnant. My mind floods open, finally letting myself think about the things I have been shoving back.


    The panic hits just as fast. My throat tightens.


    I was so stupid, reckless. I didn''t want to use protections, but now that I was facing the consequences firsthand, I wanted to p myself.


    What if next time I''m not so lucky? What does that mean for us? For me? For them?


    "Wait,


    ," Nikki says, leaning down to look at the test.


    The panic in me rises further and I watch her as her eyes narrow.


    "I see... I think I see a faint line."


    No. No, no, no, no. I look again. I can''t tell if it''s real or my brain ying tricks. ¡°I don''t


    know. If there''s a line, it''s really faint."


    Nikki grabs the box and reads the instructions again. "It says even a faint line could mean


    you''re pregnant."


    I stare at the test, my stomach twisting. We''re both staring at it now, silent, like if we look


    long enough, it will be clearer.


    I grab the test and pick it up, holding it closer and up against the light. Maybe


    there''s a line? I chew on my lips. I can''t see the line Nikki does, but what if I''m just letting my


    What Are We Even Doing?


    hope determine what I''m seeing?


    Nikki sighs. "You need to make an appointment with an OB. Get a real answer."


    I nod slowly, dragging my fingers through my hair.


    "Yeah. Okay.¡± I grab some toilet paper and wrap the test, walking out of the bathroom.


    Nikki says nothing, but she follows me with a curious look, her steps soft and slow behind mine.


    I keep going. Out of the room, down the stairs, through the back door. The warm air hits my skin and snaps me into focus for half a second. I toss the test in the big trash bin and m the lid shut like that will help.


    Nikki stands at the door with wide eyes. We walk back in and head to my room where I find the box of pregnancy tests and hide it in my bottom drawer beneath a bunch of leggings.


    Nikki drops herself onto the edge of my bed. "Why are you being so secretive?"


    I don''t even try to stop the tears. "I don''t know what to do."


    She''s on her feet fast, pulling me in for a hug. I copse into it.


    "What if I am pregnant?" I ask, letting her lead me to sit at the edge of the bed.


    "It''ll be okay,¡± she soothes, her hands going up and down my arms.


    "Will it? I mean, what would that even mean?" I pull away from her hold so we can look at each other. She frowns slightly, not really understanding where I''m going with it.


    "If it''s Jake''s, would Aiden and Zaid be fathers or brothers? Would I then break up with Aiden and Zaid?"


    Nikki''s lips part like she''s going to say something, but she closes her mouth and frowns, clearly thinking it''splicated, too.


    I keep going, not able to stop the words. "If it''s Aiden''s, is Jake a father or grandfather?"


    She grimaces at that one.


    What Are We Even Doing?


    "I mean, what the hell are we doing? Is this even something that canst? Will I marry one of them? All of them?"


    She purses her lips together as my entire life explodes around me. I was never made to really face the consequences and difficulties of being with more than one person. How will this look in the future?


    Is there even a future with all of them?


    "Don''t forget that your mom is still Jake''s wife. Forgot about that," Nikki whispers, looking just a tad disgusted with that detail.


    My voice breaks. "It''s too much."


    Nikki rubs my back, her head tilting as she looks at me. "One step at a time, okay?"


    I nod, hyperventting.


    "You need to figure out if you''re pregnant first."


    I nod, closing my eyes. A n. Steps. I can do that.


    ¡°Then talk to them. Figure out what this rtionship means to all of you. I mean,


    more than sex?"


    My heart lurches in my chest. "It is for me. I don''t know about them."


    is it


    She nods, understanding the pain in my eyes. "Then you all need to talk. They


    might be having the same questions. It''s good to talk about them."


    I bump her shoulder with mine, trying to add some lightness to the situation. "So wise for


    your age."


    She chuckles. "I wish."


    "I''ll do that; take it step by step."


    "Good." She smiles, squeezing my hands. "And I''m here. You''re not alone."


    "Thank you," I whisper.


    4:28 pm Fi FI


    What Are We Even Doing?


    A littleter, I walk Nikki to the door, promising to call her when I know more. She


    hugs me tight and tells me she loves me before she leaves.


    I go back upstairs and sit on my bed, opening myptop. I search for OB-GYNs in


    the area, clicking through names, but it''s too much.


    Just thinking about walking into a doctor''s office has me breaking out in hives.


    And then I start to think about going alone, and how that feels even more intimidating.


    The words blur. The fear ws in.


    I close theptop and head downstairs for dinner instead. Maybe food will help.


    Maybe they''ll help. Maybe, I don''t know.


    I just need a second to breathe.


    I head downstairs, running into Aiden as he''s digging through the fridge. He looks


    back at me, his smile faltering when he sees how red my face is.


    He drops the vegetables onto the counter and makes his way to me, wrapping me


    in his arms. "What''s wrong, baby?"


    I shake my head. "Can you just hold me for a while?"


    He nods, pressing kisses to the crown of my head as he surrounds me with his


    warmth.

 Chapter 171

    I''m There


    It''s been a week. A long week.


    Seven days of pretending I''m fine, of forcing my hands to stop shaking when I''m eating and I have three pairs of eyes taking in every move I make.


    I''ve spent seven days sleeping alone, curled up on my side of the bed like it''s a raft in the middle of an endless ocean.


    In the dark.


    With nothing but my own fears and anxiety surrounding me.


    Jake''s been so preupied with work that it he hasn''t really been able to ask me what''s wrong, or as me how I''m feeling. Aiden has been going to school without me and his coach is getting intense, setting more practices and meetings with scouts.


    We''ve all been feeling the pressures of our lives. No one pushes me, but they check in on me, regardless. They ask me if I''m okay with everything now that I''m at home instead of


    school.


    And I say the same thing every time. I''m fine.


    I keep thinking I''ll find the courage to call the doctor, but the phone sits next to me, untouched, like it''s mocking me. I stare at it for minutes at a time, my thumb hovering


    over the screen, and then I just can''t.


    I''m scared. Of the answer. Of what it means. Of the questions that don''t have


    answers.


    Homeschooling helps a little.


    It gives me something to do, something to focus on that isn''t the constant nausea


    in my


    stomach, or is that just nerves? I don''t even know anymore. I pour all of me into my


    sses, maybe a little too much.


    I am avoiding myself too at this point, not just the guys.


    Jake still checks on me, popping his head in with a soft smile and eyes that search my face like they can read something there. Aiden lingers in doorways sometimes, not saying


    I''m There


    anything, just waiting, like he''s giving me space and then waiting for me to lessen


    it.


    Zaid is different, though.


    He hasn''t asked. He hasn''t pried. He just watches me with those unreadable eyes, his touches softer than they''ve ever been. A kiss on the cheek when he leaves, his fingers brushing against mine when he passes by. It''s not nothing. It''s worse than nothing. It''s patient.


    But tonight, it feels like his patience runs out.


    There''s a knock on my bedroom door just as I''m finishing up thest assignment for the day. I swallow, trying to ignore the pulse in my throat. I know who it is before the door


    opens.


    "Yeah?" I call out, trying to keep my voice together.


    The door creaks open, and Zaid stands there like he''s holding himself together with a sheer force of will. He doesn''t step inside right away. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets, his shoulders tight and coiled. His jaw is set, and his nostrils re slightly, like he''s struggling to even breathe.


    I can tell immediately that he''s trying to be careful with me.


    "You okay?" His voice is rough. Not demanding, but raw, like it hurts him to ask.


    I offer the only thing I can say. "I''m fine."


    He doesn''t believe me. His eyes sh with frustration, but he reins it in. His throat bobs as he swallows hard.


    "I feel like..." He pauses, struggling to find the words, shaking his head like he hates even saying it.


    I inhale, long, trying to calm my nerves as my palms begin to sweat.


    "I feel like you''d tell me if you wanted me to know. But you haven''t."


    My heart rate spikes, and I press my trembling lips together. "I haven''t?" "About the pregnancy test."


    14:28 pm


    I''m There


    My stomach twists.


    Guilt.


    Fear.


    Shame.


    All of it ws its way through me and makes my spine shiver. I drop my gaze to


    myp, my fingers pulling at the hem of my shirt.


    "We couldn''t really read it," I admit softly.


    "What do you mean?"


    "Nikki and I couldn''t see it. It wasn''t clear. There was maybe a line, but it was faint. I


    don''t know."


    Zaid breathes out through his nose, sharp and controlled. His fingers twitch at his sides. "Did you make an appointment with a doctor?"


    I shake my head, my throat tightening. "No. I- I''m scared to go alone."


    I hate how small the words sound and how pathetic they make me look. How small I


    sound.


    But the second they''re out of my mouth, his whole body stiffens, his jaw clenching hard enough that a muscle jumps near his temple. His handse out of his pockets, fingers flexing like he''s holding back the urge to punch a wall. And then, in the roughest, gruffest voice, he says, "I''ll go with you."


    I blink. "Zaid-"


    He shakes his head once, cutting me off. "You don''t have to want me in there. I get it."


    His gaze flicks away, his throat working like it''s hard for him to say it, and I bite down on


    my tongue.


    "I can wait in the car. I''ll drive you. I''ll be there. You won''t be alone."


    I''m There


    I won''t be alone.


    Those words make my heart crack in my chest. Alone is all I''ve been feeling, all I''m able to understand at this point. I can tell he''s terrified I won''t take his help, even when it is so obvious that he is struggling to offer it to me.


    ¡°I think that would make me feel better," I tell him, my voice catching at the end.


    His eyes re wide, and he blinks like he''s surprised. "Really?"


    I nod.


    His shoulders drop a little. Not much. Just enough. He nods once, decisive. "Then


    I''m


    there."


    We sit on my bed and choose a doctor, setting an appointment for the next day. Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 172

    Don''t Want to Be Alone


    I''m chewing on my bottom lip as I watch the lights and street signs pass overhead.


    The ride is quiet, so quiet that I can hear my own breathing,


    Every tick of the turn signal, every shuffle of clothing grates against my ears like it''s too loud. Zaid''s hands have a tight hold on the wheel. I watch at his knuckles turn white, watch the way his jaw flexes every time we hit a red light.


    The tension increases with every second, and he clears his throat before he finally speaks.


    "Jace finally has a girlfriend," he says out of nowhere. His voice scratchy, rough like he hasn''t used it in days.


    I blink, startled, and turn to look at him.


    Jace?


    We''ve never talked about Jace. I mean, I know who he is. I''ve met him and talke to him before. But why is he bringing him up now?


    I have to hold in myugh, stop myself from asking him why we''re talking about Jace. I give him something because I can tell he''s grasping for normal. For small talk that doesn''t exist right now.


    "Oh, yeah? That''s good for him, I guess."


    Zaid nods, once and sharp. His leg bounces a little, the only sign of his fraying patience, his nerves. "Yeah."


    It''s all he says. I don''t think he knows what he''s saying at this point.


    I almostugh. Almost.


    Thement is so far out of left field, I can''t believe he''s trying this hard to just talk to


    1. me.


    We fall quiet again; it makes me press my hand to my stomach, even though I already feel sick enough. I focus on breathing. Zaid keeps driving, but the closer we get, the more rigid


    Don''t Want to Be Alone


    he bes. By the time we pull into the parking lot, he''s vibrating.


    it fear? Anger? Anxiety?


    He parks the car with a sharp twist of his wrist, shoves it into park harder than he needs to. He exhales through his nose, fast and harsh, like he''s fighting himself.


    I reach out without thinking, cing my hand on his thigh. He stiffens immediately.


    I leave my hand there, trying to be gentle.


    "Would you mind waiting in the lobby for me?" I ask quietly.


    I think it might help him a little, but he doesn''t anser.


    "It would make me feel better knowing you''re close."


    He turns to me then, and there''s something stricken in his eyes. Something hollow and aching. But after a long second, he nods.


    "Yeah, I can do that," he says roughly.


    We get out of the car together, and I feel him behind me, breathing heavy. In and out. His hand finds mine as we walk toward the building, his fingers sliding between mine without asking. His grip is warm and strong, and I don''t pull away. I hold on tighter.


    Inside, I check in at the front desk, filling out the forms with shaking hands. Zaid hovers just a few feet away. His eyes stay on me, even when I sit down again. They call my name sooner than I expect, and the knot in my stomach pulls tighter.


    I nce at him onest time, but he stays seated, his elbows braced on his knees as he


    rocks back and forth.


    It''s a terrible sight for me as I walk into the back. The exam room is cold, but the OBGYN is nice enough. I get checked out. They ask me questions. Take samples. And then they tell me the news I was waiting to hear.


    Not pregnant.


    The words are a relief.


    They tell me something else.


    Don''t Want to Be Alone


    And those words are a weight.


    I nod along, but everything is starting to blur, my heartbeat racing ahead of me.


    By the time I walk back out to the lobby, my vision has turned hazy around the edges. I take two steps before my knees buckle. Zaid is there in an instant, his arms catching me, steadying me.


    "Love." His voice cuts through the noise in my head, but it''s muted, like he''s speaking underwater. "Are you okay?"


    I only shake my head.


    He walks me to the car, his hand tight around my waist, and he''s the only thing keeping


    me upright.


    Once we''re inside, once the door shuts and the quiet swallows us, I close my eyes and breathe. I focus on that. In. Out. Until my pulse slows enough that I can find words again.


    "I''m not pregnant," I tell him, my voice hoarse.


    For a second, nothing happens. Then he lets out a slow breath and reaches for me, his hand finding the back of my neck as he pulls me toward him. His lips press to the crown


    of my head.


    We sit like that for a while.


    No words.


    Just breathing.


    Until he finally starts the car, and we drive home together in silence.


    Once we get home, I''m relieved to find it empty. I''m not entirely sure that I can face Jake or Aiden right now. We head upstairs and I start to walk toward my room, but Zaid pulls on my arm, walking me toward his room.


    I''m about to protest, but he beats me to it.


    "We don''t have to talk, but I don''t want you to be alone right now."


    Don''t Want to Be Alone


    My heart lurches.


    His thumb brushes circles on my palm. "And I don''t think I can be alone either."


    I fall into him, letting him carry me into his room where wey together on his bed.


    I cry, letting the tears fall, letting the tension, the sorrow, guilt and relief rush through me like waves of chaotic emotions.


    It''s hard to exin. I''m young. I don''t want to be pregnant, but I had an entire week to imagine a life where I was.


    And then to hear the words.


    "You are not pregnant, but I want to walk you through what we found, okay?"


    I shut my eyes as the memories bombard me.


    "Based on your history and what you shared about your home pregnancy test, along with the hormone levels we measured today, it''s very likely that you were pregnant recently. Very early


    on."


    I curl into Zaid''s side.


    "It''s something called a chemical pregnancy."


    I cked out the rest of the conversation. I don''t remember it and part of me is d


    about that.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 173

    Because of You


    I don''t know how much time passes, but I know it''s hours. The sun shifts through the window and I twist to lie on my back.


    There''s a lump in my throat, everything inside of me struggling toe out.


    I sigh, and Zaid looks down at me, his fingers trailing down my arms. "Do you want to talk


    about it?"


    I swallow. "I''m not pregnant."


    He frowns at that, breathing slowly to prepare himself. "Did you want to be?"


    I shake my head. "No, I don''t think so."


    His fingers draw circles on my skin. "It makes you sad?"


    I sigh. "She told me I could''ve been pregnant at one point. Something about my


    hormones or something."


    He pulls slightly away, looking down at me, eyes searching mine. "Love."


    I don''t want his pity, I just wanted someone to know, someone to be in the darkness with me. "I don''t know how to feel about it." me.


    He closes in on me, his hands finding their way under my shirt and around my waist. My stomach twists and I push at his chest. "Zaid, not know, I don''t want to-"


    "Fuck, Alina. I''m not trying to have sex with you."


    I look up at him, new tears streaming down my cheeks. He looks pained, hurt, surprised


    that I would assume that.


    "I just want to hold you."


    My skin breaks out into goosebumps, and I press into him. "I''m sorry, I just-"


    "Don''t apologize. There''s nothing to apologize for. I can''t even imagine. I''m the one that''s sorry."


    Because of You


    I shake my head. "I just, I feel stupid that it bothers me."


    "Why?"


    "I wasn''t really pregnant. I didn''t want to be. And now I feel guilty."


    His hold on me tightens.


    "It would have made everything moreplicated. It kind of scared me." The confession slides out of me smoothly. All the gnawing and worrying finally felt like it softened.


    "You have nothing to be scared about. I''ll be here, always,¡± he whispers, pressing a kiss to my temple.


    I blink at that.


    He clears his throat, chest rising with his next words. "I know it was impossible for the baby to have been mine, but I would have taken care of her as if she were."


    A sob tears through me, "Her?"


    He shrugs, "You feel like a girl mom to me."


    I struggle to breathe.


    "I would have loved her so much. Regardless."


    I try to keep my heart in check. "Well, she would have been either your sister or your


    niece, so that makes sense."


    I chuckle, trying to make that part of the conversation much less awkward.


    Zaid grips my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes, forcing me to understand how serious his next words are. "I don''t give a fuck about that. Fuck Jake. Fuck Aiden, I would have loved her simply because she came from you. Because of you, Alina."


    "Zaid-"


    "Because I love you."


    Zaid says it so quietly that for a second, I think I imagined it. But I didn''t. The words are


    Because of You


    real, and they melt into the air around us.


    My body locks up. My breath catches.


    No. No, no, no.


    My heart pounds so hard I feel sick. I can''t do this. I can''t hear this. I can''t even think about this.


    I shake my head, the walls closing in. "I can''t."


    His brows furrow, but I don''t let him speak. I press my palm to my chest like I can physically hold myself together, because inside, I''m falling apart.


    My family was ripped from me. I loved them, and they were stolen from me. I can''t love someone and lose them again.


    Zaid just watches me as I explode inside. His eyes dark and steady, his jaw tense like he''s biting back a thousand things he wants to say. Then, in a voice raw with emotion, he murmurs, "I don''t need you to say it back. I don''t need you to do anything. I just needed you to know that you are loved. Deeply, Alina. By me." The words crack something inside of me, but it isn''t relief. It isn''tfort.


    It''s rage.


    I re at him, something sharp and painful twisting in my gut. "You can''t say that."


    He doesn''t react, just keeps watching me.


    "That''s bullshit."


    Zaid flinches like I struck him.


    "Am I supposed to feel loved after everything? After Sadie? After you left me in that diner? After you pushed me away, refused to make love to me even though that''s all I''ve been wanting from you?" My voice rises, my throat burning with the force of it.


    His entire body tenses, his nostrils ring as he struggles to breathe. His eyes dark with something I can''t read. Pain, regret, something heavier.


    29 pm


    Because of You


    "There are things you still don''t know," he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "Things I struggle with. I have shown you my love in the best ways I know how. Fuck, it''s hard, trying to love after years of neglect and pain."


    "I don''t care." The words rip from me, jagged and unfiltered. "I don''t care about whatever it is, Zaid. Because if you really loved me, you''d try."


    Silence.


    "You''d try like I''ve been trying."


    His expression cracks for just a moment, just long enough for me to see how deeply my words have hit him. He can''t be oblivious to my feelings, I might not be able to get them out of my mouth, but they''re there.


    And what I''ve said now? I won''t take it back. Because love isn''t just words thrown into


    the dark.


    It''s choices.


    It''s actions.


    We stare at each other, the space between us thick with everything unsaid. And I


    don''t know if I want to run or scream or take it all back.


    I slowly get up from the bed, shaking my head. "I''m sorry."


    He blinks, but says nothing.


    I back away, making my way to my room, where I cry until I fall asleep.

 Chapter 174

    I Need Them


    I need to get out of the house.


    The walls of my room have been starting to suffocate me and my head hurts from all the crying. Everything is closing in and I know I''m letting my thoughts go just a little too


    crazy.


    I can''t sort through them.


    I make up my mind to go bother Nikki. She''ll listen without judging me and I think I need her overpowering personality right about now.


    I text her before I even put my shoes on.


    A: Coming over. Need some Nikki therapy.


    Her response is immediate.


    N: Door''s open. I''ll be waiting. <3


    By the time I get to her house, she''s already in the kitchen, digging through the cabs. She barely nces at me as she pulls out an old bottle of vodka, shaking it for emphasis.


    "Something tells me we''re going to need this. Wait, you''re not pregnant, right? You''ve been ignoring my messages."


    I roll my eyes. "You mean the ones were you just send me the pregnant emoji with a question mark?"


    She shrugs. "I didn''t think I needed to spell it out for you."


    I drop onto a stool at the kitchen ind, exhaling sharply. ¡°I''m not pregnant.¡±


    Nikki freezes, then slowly turns to face me. Her lips part like she wants to say something, but then she just sighs, a deep sigh of relief: "Holy shit."


    I let out a breath of my own as she twists the cap off the bottle and pours two shots. She slides one toward me before raising hers.


    "To not being pregnant."


    I Need Them


    "To not being pregnant," I echo, and we both throw them back.


    The alcohol burns its way down, but I barely feel it. My mind is still too full.


    I don''t even have to say anything before Nikki is studying me, her eyes narrowing.


    "Okay, what else? Because that''s not all that''s eating you up."


    I stare at my shot ss, running my finger around the rim. "It''s Zaid."


    Her brows shoot up. "Of course it is."


    I sigh and then just let it all spill out. The way he told me he loves me. The way it hit me like a freight train. How I don''t know what to do with it, how it''s all messed up because of everything he''s done right and everything he''s done wrong. The way he looked at me when I threw his words back in his face.


    By the time I finish, Nikki''s jaw is hanging open.


    "Alina," she breathes, shaking her head.


    I press my lips together.


    "I''m so sorry."


    I let out a steady stream of air and reach for the bottle, ditching the shot ss and


    just taking a long gulp from the bottle.


    She watches me, tilting her head. "You love him back."


    I hiss, grimacing from the burn down my throat. I fucking hate vodka. "Yes."


    Silence fills the room, and she ys with the ss in her hands before she looks


    right at me. "Do you love Jake and Aiden like that too?"


    I blink, my heart aching in my chest at the thought. "I don''t know."


    She purses her lips. "I think that means you don''t."


    "No, that doesn;t feel right. It''s different. I love Zaid, but Jake and Aiden feel as much a


    part of me. Like losing them would destroy me, too. But losing Zaid..."


    I Need Them


    She lets me gather my thoughts, taking a sip from the bottle herself.


    "It would be like losing my own self."


    Fuck, is it the alcohol making me so damn honest?


    "Shit, that''s a lot, girl. How do you think they would all feel about that?"


    I shrug. "Do I have to tell them?"


    Her eyes widen. "Don''t you want to tell Zaid you love him?"


    "I think I want to tell them all. I love them all. Ziad is just different. He sees me when I feel like no one else does. And it infuriates me that he finds it so easy to just brush me off sometimes. Is it possible for someone to love you and then treat you like they don''t all at


    the same time?"


    Nikki grimaces. "I would hope not."


    I groan, dropping my head onto the counter. "Why is this soplicated?"


    She chuckles. "Because you''re dating three guys. You need to talk to them, though."


    "I know. I''m avoiding it because I''m scared. If I''m too honest, won''t it hurt them? I don''t want to let go of Jake and Aiden."


    3


    Her brow furrows, and she takes another sip from the bottle before setting it down. "Why?"


    I press my hands to my face before looking at her. "Because I need them."


    She blinks, waiting for me to go on, and suddenly, the words are spilling out like I''ve been holding them back for too long.


    ¡°Zaid and me, I don''t know how to exin it, but being with him is terrifying. It''s like standing on the edge of a cliff. It''s raw, and real, and I feel it in my bones. He knows the deepest and darkest emotions I feel because he feels them, too. We have the same soul."


    She smiles at that.


    "But Jake and Aiden? They''re safety. They''re warmth. They hold me and I forget all the


    I Need The


    shitty things in my life. I feel like I need them."


    Her expression softens, but she doesn''t let me off the hook. "So, you feel like you need them, but you don''t love them?"


    It''s so hard to exin what I''m thinking. "I do. I do love them, but it''s different. What I feel for Jake and Aiden is real. I don''t think I could be here, where I am without them. But Zaid? He''s the one I can''t breathe without. At least it feels that way."


    "What do you mean?"


    "Jake is married to my mother. Aiden is probably going to go away and y basketball for some amazing school. I have thought of the possibilities, of a future where I might not be with them. It''s sad, it makes me cry. It hurts."


    She catches my drift, her eyes taking me in. "And when you think about a future without Zaid?"


    I shake my head to stop my tears from falling. "I can''t."


    She breathes in. "You need to talk to them. Your future is important and I hate watching you question yourself like this."


    I let out a sigh, feeling the weight of her words settle over me. She''s right. Of course she''s


    right.


    I just wish she wasn''t.

 Chapter 175

    The Figured it Out


    That night, I force myself to slow down, to actually think. Nikki convinced me that it is time to talk to them, and I convince her that I need one more night to process everything.


    Tomorrow I will speak to them, open up in ways that I have never opened up before. Ask them questions that will probably make us all question what our future will look like.


    I go over every conversation, every moment, trying to make sense of what I feel, of what I


    want.


    Then, finally, I make a decision. I text our group chat, setting the expectation so we all


    know what''s needed.


    A: Can we all talk after dinner?


    J: Sure.


    Aiden: Yeah, of course.


    Z: Yes.


    And just like that, it''s set in stone. There''s no backing out.


    Hourster, we are all sitting in the living room. The guys are sitting beside each other on the couch while I am on a chair I dragged in from the dining table.


    I want to face them, look at them all as we speak.


    I''m so tense that my stomach knots up. I didn''t really eat much of my dinner, nervous about this conversation. My palms are damp, my mouth dry as I lick my lips to try to add


    some moisture.


    I take a deep breath, searching for something steady, and my eyes find Zaid.


    He''s watching me, his expression unreadable, but when our gazes meet, everything inside


    me warms. His eyes soften, just enough to tell me he''s here, that he''s with me.


    It''s enough.


    I exhale and finally speak. "I thought I was pregnant."


    The Figured it Out


    The room goes still.


    Jake stiffens, his fingers digging into his knees as he keeps his dark eyes on me.


    His brows furrow, like he''s trying to process.


    Aiden''s eyes go wide and a hot, red blush crawls up his chest to his neck.


    Zaid just watches me, kind eyes and soft lips.


    Jake is the first to speak. "You thought you were pregnant?"


    I nod. "Yeah. I''m not. But for a few days, I really thought I was."


    Jake closes his eyes, letting out a slow breath, like he''s releasing an entire mountain of


    anxious energy.


    Aiden blows out a sharp exhale, running a hand through his hair. "Thank, fuck. Holy shit. I''m way too young to be a dad."


    Despite everything, I let out a small, breathyugh. ¡°Yeah. I know how you feel. I don''t exactly feel ready to be a mother."


    Then, as if realizing something at the same time, both Jake and Aiden turn to Zaid. He


    hasn''t said a word.


    "Why aren''t you reacting?" Aiden asks.


    Zaid''s dark eyes shift toward his brother and father, still not saying a word.


    Jake narrows his eyes. "You knew?"


    There was pain in his voice, like I had betrayed him, like Zaid had, too. I couldn''t let him take all the me, so I clear my throat.


    "I asked him not to tell you guys. And I didn''t want to go to the doctor''s alone-"


    "Wait," Aiden interrupts. At the same time. Jake rears back, turning to me with a pale face and blinking eyes.


    "He went to the doctor''s with you?" Jake asks, his chest heaving as his breath picks up.


    The Figured it Out


    I nod, chewing on my lip, not really knowing why they are reacting like that.


    "He drove you? He waited in the car?" Aiden asks, trying to rify.


    I shake my head, frowning. My eyes go to Zaid, who is staring at hisp. "No, um, he waited in the lobby for me."


    Aiden''s eyebrows go to his hairline and Jake looks like he can''t breathe. Something crosses his eyes and I can''t quite ce it. It''s realization, and hurt, all bundled into one.


    Jake stands then, crosses the space between us and squats in front of me, taking my hands into his. "Is that what you wanted to tell us? That you thought you were pregnant?"


    I nod, extremely confused by everyone''s reaction.


    He leans toward me, kissing me softly. "I think you need to be with Zaid tonight. We can talk tomorrow?"


    I frown but nod, my skin running cold. What is going on?


    When I finish watching Jake leave, I turn to look at Aiden. He''s looking at Zaid with a thoughtful expression, and then he turns to me. He smiles, also standing and reaching for me. He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to my feet to kiss me.


    It''s soft, but deeper than Jake''s.


    He pulls away, not saying anything but giving me a soft smile. Then, he walks away, leaving Zaid and I alone. Zaid swallows, and I can see he''s struggling, his throat moving.


    He shifts in his seat, then stands, closing the space between us. Before I can even question him, his arms wrap around me, pulling me against his chest. The warmth of him, the quiet inhale of my scent, the way he presses his chin against the top of my head, it all feels like he''s grounding himself in me.


    When he finally pulls away, I don''t let him go far. I reach up, cupping his face between my hands, my thumbs brushing against his cheekbones as I force his dark, unreadable eyes to


    meet mine.


    "What was that all about?" I ask softly.


    His lips barely part before he whispers, "They figured it out."


    The Figured it Out


    A frown tugs at my brows. "Figured what out?"


    He doesn''t answer right away, just offers me a small, sad smile before pressing his lips to my forehead. Then, without a word, he takes my hand and leads me up the stairs. His grip is firm but not forceful, his fingers intecing with mine, tying me to him. When we reach his room, he closes the door behind us, leaving me standing in the middle of his space, confusion and frustration building inside me.


    I cross my arms. "They figured what out, Zaid?"


    His eyes search mine, endless and pained, his walls crumbling brick by brick until there''s nothing left but raw vulnerability.


    "That I''m in love with you."


    My heart lurches so violently I feel dizzy. My stomach tightens, my skin prickling with bone deep goosebumps.

 Chapter 176

    The Figured it Out


    That night, I force myself to slow down, to actually think. Nikki convinced me that it is time to talk to them, and I convince her that I need one more night to process everything.


    Tomorrow I will speak to them, open up in ways that I have never opened up before. Ask them questions that will probably make us all question what our future will look like.


    I go over every conversation, every moment, trying to make sense of what I feel, of what I


    want.


    Then, finally, I make a decision. I text our group chat, setting the expectation so we all


    know what''s needed.


    A: Can we all talk after dinner?


    J: Sure.


    Aiden: Yeah, of course.


    Z: Yes.


    And just like that, it''s set in stone. There''s no backing out.


    Hourster, we are all sitting in the living room. The guys are sitting beside each other on the couch while I am on a chair I dragged in from the dining table.


    I want to face them, look at them all as we speak.


    I''m so tense that my stomach knots up. I didn''t really eat much of my dinner, nervous about this conversation. My palms are damp, my mouth dry as I lick my lips to try to add


    some moisture.


    I take a deep breath, searching for something steady, and my eyes find Zaid.


    He''s watching me, his expression unreadable, but when our gazes meet, everything inside


    me warms. His eyes soften, just enough to tell me he''s here, that he''s with me.


    It''s enough.


    I exhale and finally speak. "I thought I was pregnant."


    The Figured it Out


    The room goes still.


    Jake stiffens, his fingers digging into his knees as he keeps his dark eyes on me.


    His brows furrow, like he''s trying to process.


    Aiden''s eyes go wide and a hot, red blush crawls up his chest to his neck.


    Zaid just watches me, kind eyes and soft lips.


    Jake is the first to speak. "You thought you were pregnant?"


    I nod. "Yeah. I''m not. But for a few days, I really thought I was."


    Jake closes his eyes, letting out a slow breath, like he''s releasing an entire mountain of


    anxious energy.


    Aiden blows out a sharp exhale, running a hand through his hair. "Thank, fuck. Holy shit. I''m way too young to be a dad."


    Despite everything, I let out a small, breathyugh. ¡°Yeah. I know how you feel. I don''t exactly feel ready to be a mother."


    Then, as if realizing something at the same time, both Jake and Aiden turn to Zaid. He


    hasn''t said a word.


    "Why aren''t you reacting?" Aiden asks.


    Zaid''s dark eyes shift toward his brother and father, still not saying a word.


    Jake narrows his eyes. "You knew?"


    There was pain in his voice, like I had betrayed him, like Zaid had, too. I couldn''t let him take all the me, so I clear my throat.


    "I asked him not to tell you guys. And I didn''t want to go to the doctor''s alone-"


    "Wait," Aiden interrupts. At the same time. Jake rears back, turning to me with a pale face and blinking eyes.


    "He went to the doctor''s with you?" Jake asks, his chest heaving as his breath picks up.


    The Figured it Out


    I nod, chewing on my lip, not really knowing why they are reacting like that.


    "He drove you? He waited in the car?" Aiden asks, trying to rify.


    I shake my head, frowning. My eyes go to Zaid, who is staring at hisp. "No, um, he waited in the lobby for me."


    Aiden''s eyebrows go to his hairline and Jake looks like he can''t breathe. Something crosses his eyes and I can''t quite ce it. It''s realization, and hurt, all bundled into one.


    Jake stands then, crosses the space between us and squats in front of me, taking my hands into his. "Is that what you wanted to tell us? That you thought you were pregnant?"


    I nod, extremely confused by everyone''s reaction.


    He leans toward me, kissing me softly. "I think you need to be with Zaid tonight. We can talk tomorrow?"


    I frown but nod, my skin running cold. What is going on?


    When I finish watching Jake leave, I turn to look at Aiden. He''s looking at Zaid with a thoughtful expression, and then he turns to me. He smiles, also standing and reaching for me. He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to my feet to kiss me.


    It''s soft, but deeper than Jake''s.


    He pulls away, not saying anything but giving me a soft smile. Then, he walks away, leaving Zaid and I alone. Zaid swallows, and I can see he''s struggling, his throat moving.


    He shifts in his seat, then stands, closing the space between us. Before I can even question him, his arms wrap around me, pulling me against his chest. The warmth of him, the quiet inhale of my scent, the way he presses his chin against the top of my head, it all feels like he''s grounding himself in me.


    When he finally pulls away, I don''t let him go far. I reach up, cupping his face between my hands, my thumbs brushing against his cheekbones as I force his dark, unreadable eyes to


    meet mine.


    "What was that all about?" I ask softly.


    His lips barely part before he whispers, "They figured it out."


    The Figured it Out


    A frown tugs at my brows. "Figured what out?"


    He doesn''t answer right away, just offers me a small, sad smile before pressing his lips to my forehead. Then, without a word, he takes my hand and leads me up the stairs. His grip is firm but not forceful, his fingers intecing with mine, tying me to him. When we reach his room, he closes the door behind us, leaving me standing in the middle of his space, confusion and frustration building inside me.


    I cross my arms. "They figured what out, Zaid?"


    His eyes search mine, endless and pained, his walls crumbling brick by brick until there''s nothing left but raw vulnerability.


    "That I''m in love with you."


    My heart lurches so violently I feel dizzy. My stomach tightens, my skin prickling with bone deep goosebumps.

 Chapter 177

    Consuming


    My breath catches in my throat, and I whisper, "How?¡±


    His jaw clenches, his throat working. "Because I would never step into a doctor''s office, Or a hospital. Ever."


    My eyes widen, remembering Nikki''sments when she wasying in the bathtub.


    His voice is rough, weighed down by things I don''t fully understand. "But I did. For you."


    I blink, trying to process his words. "Why would you never step into a hospital?"


    He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "Can we can we save that conversation for another day?"


    Something in his voice makes me nod.


    I don''t push, even though I want to. He never pushes me when I''m trying to stay afloat in the memories of my own traumas.


    Instead, I cup his face again, guiding him down to me as I press my lips to his. He stiffens for a second before melting into me, his hands gripping my waist.


    He''s so gentle, so careful.


    The kiss deepens, and I pour everything into it, every unspoken feeling I''ve been terrified


    to admit.


    When I finally pull away, my eyes are ssy with unshed tears, my heart so full it feels like it might burst. I search his face, tracing the lines of worry, the fear that lingers even


    now.


    "I want to say something," I whisper, my fingers still brushing his skin.


    He watches me intently, nodding slowly.


    "I want to tell you something." I''m trembling, not knowing why it''s so hard for me to


    say the words, not knowing how I''m even going to get them out.


    The look of absolute terror on his face is what finally makes me speak.


    Consuming


    "I love you too."


    His entire expression copses. His lips part, his body going rigid, his hands flexing on my waist like he doesn''t know whether to hold on or let go. Then he starts shaking his head, disbelief flickering across his face.


    "You don''t have to say that," he says, his voice cracking. "You don''t have to feel forced to


    1 smile, pressing a finger to his lips to silence him. "Do you really think so little of yourself?"


    He trembles.


    "Do you feel like you don''t deserve love?"


    He just watches me, his eyes darker than I''ve ever seen them. I repeat myself, letting my voice soften, letting it wrap around him like a nket. "I love you."


    Shock. Fear. Disbelief. It''s all there, swirling in his gaze, and I wait for it to fade, to dissolve into relief, into peace, into love.


    Into understanding and realization that I mean the words that I say.


    But it doesn''t.


    He still can''t believe it and he looks absolutely mortified.


    So, I take his hands, pressing his palms to my cheeks, letting him feel the warmth


    of my skin, the soft hitch of my breath. "I love you, Zaid."


    His fingers twitch against my face. He''s still shaking his head, but I see the cracks forming, the fight inside him warring with the need to believe.


    "I love you," I say again, firmer this time.


    His eyes close for a brief second, and when they open again, I see it still; the fear


    of someone who''s never been told they''re worth loving.


    I reach up, brushing my lips against his, whispering against his skin.


    Consuming


    He exhales in relief, his arms wrapping around my waist as he kisses me deeply. He starts off gentle at first and then he takes over, hand searching my body, lips bruising mine.


    The force of it steals the air from my lungs. It''s not gentle, not careful. It''s desperate and consuming, and that''s my favorite part about him.


    He''s intense, all-consuming. And he''s mine.


    I melt into him, my fingers tangling in his hair, my body pressing closer as warmth floods every inch of me. He groans softly against my lips, a sound that makes my stomach tighten, makes me ache in ces I didn''t even know could ache.


    I moan in response and then I''m weightless.


    Zaid''s arms tighten around me, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. He carries me across the room, never breaking the kiss, never loosening his hold, like he can''t stand the thought of putting distance between us.


    The next thing I know, my back meets the soft mattress, and Zaid is over me, his weight braced on his forearms as his lips trail down my jaw, my neck, his breath hot and ragged. I gasp, my fingers digging into his shoulders, overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of him.


    He''s always been intense. Always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. But this is him unraveling.


    And I ampletely undone.


    "Zaid," I whisper.


    He pulls back, chest heaving. He sees the need in my eyes and he sits back, pulling his shirt over my head.


    I''m a mess, scrambling over myself as I undress. The moment he leans back over me and


    hot skin touches hot skin, I''m lost.


    We fit right into each other, and I know that nothing will ever feel like this again.


    My heart pounds against my ribs, every fiber of me alive with the realization of just how much I love this man. How much I always have. How much I always will.


    I cradle his face in my hands, guiding him back to me, pressing my lips to his in a


    kiss


    Consuming


    that is just as desperate, just as deep, just as full of everything I can''t put into words. He groans again, his body pressing closer, his hands gripping my waist like he can''t bear the thought of letting me go.


    And I don''t want him to.


    I never want him to.


    He pulls away just enough to whisper, "Let me look at you."


    I dislodge my lips from him, letting him sit back once more, except this time, his eyes roam over every inch of my body. He drinks me in from my perky nipples down to my


    pussy.


    His nostrils re, his eyes turning dark as they hood over. His fingers trail down my waist and his thumb presses between my lips. I hear it, the wetness as he slips against my skin.


    "Fuck," he grunts, his breath increasing in pace and strength.


    He pushes his thumb inside me, gripping onto my thigh as he opens me up. He looks deep into me and the muscles in his neck pop. My heart starts hammering in my chest and I struggle to breathe.

 Chapter 178

    When Did You Know?


    I watch as his eyes look over every inch of my skin and I have never felt more beautiful. He softly moves his hand, his palm pressing into my skin, and he grips my waist, drawing


    me closer to him.


    His eyes focus on mine and I struggled to breathe, a gasp leaving my lips when he presses the head of his cock right at my entrance.


    He''s big, thick and so hard. It''s heavy against my thigh, and my hands tighten into fists from the anticipation. His eyes shift between mine and I slide my hands up his torso and around his neck, holding him close as he slowly opens me up.


    It''s finally happening and I can''t stop the tremble in my body, deep in my bones.


    I moan, my back arching.


    He doesn''t thrust. He slowly slides in, my inner walls clenching onto him tight like he is what I''ve been waiting for.


    "Say it again, love."


    I keep my eyes on him, letting the tears fall as they prick the back of my eyes. His brows furrow, and he wipes them with his thumbs.


    "I love you," I whisper.


    He breathes out and then slowly thrusts thest inch inside of me. I breathe a shaky inhale, letting my body adjust to his thickness.


    He cups my face, kissing me across my cheeks and down my jaw. When he lifts his face to mine, he melts into me.


    "I love you," he whispers against my skin, slowly rocking his hips.


    I feel every inch of him as I grip him, my insides twisting and my toes curling. He moves, and I move. I stay right there with him, watching the fear and rigidness disappear from his eyes.


    I don''t know where I end, and he begins. Nothing separates us.


    When Did You Know?


    Our bodies move in perfect rhythm, every shift, every press of his lips against mine so seamlessly in sync that it feels like we were made for this, for each other.


    It''s effortless, like breathing, like something written into my DNA long before I ever realized it. I never should have fought this.


    A pang of regret twists inside me, sharp and aching. How long have I wasted? How long have I been circling him, pretending we were something less than this?


    I could have had this sooner. I could have felt whole for so much longer.


    The thought makes my chest tighten, makes me clutch at him harder, makes me press my lips to his like I can make up for lost time.


    Zaid groans softly against my mouth, his fingers tangling in my hair, his other hand pressing against my lower back, keeping me against him as his hips rock into me.


    I pull back just enough to look at him, my breathing uneven. He hasn''t touched my clit at all, and I don''t want him to. I want to stay in this moment forever. I want us to never stop, to just stay connected with him inside me.


    His dark eyes hold me captive.


    "When did you know?" I whisper, my voice barely more than breath, my fingers tracing the sharp line of his jaw.


    He doesn''t falter, his rhythm steady and strong, his strokes long. Every inch bringing me higher into the throes of pleasure. He tilts his head at me.


    I wrap one of my legs tighter around his waist, pressing my heel into his ass. I want him


    deeper.


    "When did you know you loved me?" I basically gasp as he reaches a part of me that has me wondering how I still have strength in my bones.


    His intensity softens, not in hesitation, but in certainty. In the quiet kind of knowing that he has no doubts, no questions in his mind.


    He brushes his thumb over my cheek, then leans in and kisses me slow, deep. He drops his hand to the back of my knee and bends me; folding me until my knees are practically by


    When Did You Know?


    my ears.


    I hiss. The position curves my back, gives him a new angle, and he is deep inside


    me.


    And then, against my lips, he murmurs, "That first day in the diner."


    My heart lurches so violently I gasp, my lungs convulsing for air. We had just met. We were strangers, really.


    The memory crashes over me in an instant, the scent of coffee and warm syrup, the gray clouds outside, the rain.


    When he left me there.


    I throw thest thought away and let out a shaky breath. I cup his face between my hands and kiss him again.


    Because nothing, not the past, not the ache of lost time, will ruin this. We work up


    sweat, his thrusts still slow and soft, my clit still untouched.


    We stare into each other''s eyes, and he swallows. "I don''t want this to end."


    I shake my head, my legs beginning to tremble.


    "I want to be inside you like this all the time."


    His words trigger a wave of heat inside me, my pussy clenching around him.


    His nostrils re when he feels it. "Fuck. I won''t ever get enough of you, love."


    I shake my head. "There will always be more of me to give."


    He shudders at that. "I don''t deserve you."


    My climax builds, tension coiling in my center, my body preparing for it. I don''t tear my eyes from his. "You have me, all of me."


    He groans, increasing the pace of his thrusts for a second. He closes his eyes, muscles tensing as he forces himself to slow down. He shakes his head, swallowing. "No. You have me. It was I who was made for you, remember?"


    When Did You Know?


    My heart rate spikes, my entire body warms, and I cry out as my orgasm slowly builds. It starts deep inside me and it rolls through me, not like a crashing wave, but a slow rolling


    wave.


    It''s like a fire that starts small. An ember that finds wood to feast on and grows into an all-consuming beast.


    Tears fall down the sides of my face, and my body loses all control. Stars flicker in my vision and I realize in that moment that I have never known what it was like to make


    love,


    Not until now.


    I shudder, struggling to breathe while I w at his back, finding any which way to keep us close together. His hand grips my thigh, keeping my legs apart and my knees to the sides of my face.


    A pained moan rumbles from his chest to his throat and he never once looks away from me as hees. He pumps into me, lips parting as he gasps for air and he only stills once he has stopped.


    He presses his forehead to mine, kissing me in gentle bursts as we bothe


    down from our high. It takes forever for my heart rate to return to normal, for my blood to stop feeling hot.

 Chapter 179

    I''m Yours-1


    Zaid stays inside me the entire time.


    We breathe into each other and it''s not until he finally lowers my knees and lets me wrap my legs around his waist that I realize he hasn''t softened. My eyes widen when he starts rocking into me again.


    He smiles down at me. "I told you, I won''t ever get enough of you."


    This time, he helps us climb to the heights of pleasure. He presses his fingers to my clit, circling the hard, wet bundle of nerves as his lips wrap around my nipple.


    And he thrusts.


    Fast, hard. The headboard smack into the wall and he groans like a depraved man against my skin. His teeth bite into my skin and I moan, thoroughly enjoying


    the pain.


    The buildup is quick. I tense, holding onto the muscles of his arms as Ie. My head falls back and my back arches, followed by a deep, vibrating moan from his throat.


    He pulses inside me, pumping me so full it spills out of me.


    "Zaid!" I cry, feeling my skin break out into goosebumps.


    He kisses me down the column of my neck and between my breasts. His body shudders above mine and we fall back into the mattress, our bodiesnguid from the pleasure. He pulls out of me, making me whimper, and he grunts,ughing at the sound that escapes


    1. me.


    It''ste, but not a single part of me is tired. I turn, burying myself into his side and press


    kisses to the skin of his chest.


    I never knew time could move like this, slow and hazy, wrapping around us like the softest cocoon, like the world outside doesn''t exist.


    Zaid''s fingers tracezy patterns along my spine, the tips ghosting over my skin in


    a way that sends warmth pooling in my stomach. He doesn''t leave an inch


    between us, our legs


    tangled together, the sweat on our skin drying as we stay in bed.


    I''m Yours-1


    His lips brush my temple before he whispers, "I am sorry. For everything."


    I swallow, my throat aching with the lump of emotions. "I know."


    I feel him shake his head. "I have things to make up for, a lot of exining, but I will do whatever it takes to deserve you."


    1 shift, reaching up to him to cup his cheek. My eyes find his fast, like mas drawn to each other. "You already have my love, Zaid. You don''t have to earn it."


    I cup his face and press my lips to his. He exhales against my mouth, one of his hands sliding into my hair.


    "Alina," he murmurs when I pull back just enough to breathe.


    I swallow, my fingers tracing the sharp angles of his jaw. "Yeah?"


    He watches me, eyes dark and endless, searching. "Why me?"


    The way he says it, quiet, rough, and hesitant, makes my chest ache.


    I press my forehead to his, breathing him in. "Zaid."


    His throat bobs as he swallows, and he shakes his head. "You loving Aiden makes sense. Even dad. He''s more put together. I imagine I''m thest one you''ve said this to. So why me, Alina? Is it pity?"


    My chest tightens.


    I push myself up onto my elbow, studying his face. The tension in his jaw, the flicker of doubt in his dark eyes, the way he won''t quite look at me. It makes my heart ache.


    I reach for him, my fingers brushing against his cheek, guiding his gaze back to mine. "You''re the only one I''ve said it to."


    He stays silent, but his eyes search mine, waiting.

 Chapter 180

    I''m Yours-2


    I take a slow breath. "You make me feel seen."


    He flinches as if he''s finally listening to what I''m saying.


    "With you, I don''t always have to speak for you to know what I''m feeling. It''s like we share a soul, like we were always meant to find each other."


    His expression flickers, something raw passing through his eyes.


    "You''re the only person who will ever truly know what I feel," I continue. "You don''t push me. You don''t force expectations on me. You might struggle to show your love sometimes, might struggle to fight your anger, but even with all of that, I feel loved by you. And more than that, I feel understood."


    His breath catches, his fingers tightening on my waist like he needs to anchor himself.


    I swallow hard, my voice dropping even softer. "You are the only one that makes sense."


    He stares at me, his eyes dark and endless, something breaking open inside them. And then, before I can say anything else, he pulls me to him, kissing me like he''s drowning and I''m the only thing keeping him afloat.


    I sigh into him, my bodying alight with his touch, and when he sinks inside me again, I rock my hips with his.


    His hand drops to my clit, and I hiss. "Zaid, how are you ready again so fast?"


    He rock into me. "It''s you. You make me feel like this."


    We stare into each other''s eyes as the bed rocks beneath us. It''s deep and consuming and when we finally pull away, sated and panting, he presses his forehead to mine.


    "I''m yours," he whispers.


    I smile at that, closing my eyes as I revel in the words. They make me feel powerful, not


    alone.


    I kiss him again, trying to make him feel everything I can''t put into words.


    I''m Yours-2


    I don''t know how long we stay like this, kissing, touching, talking about anything and everything that crosses our minds. He tells me about his childhood, his mother. How he and Aiden were when they were younger.


    I tell him about my father and Alex. About my mother before the ident. Our conversation flowed, both of us understanding that we spoke about happy moments in our lives because we know what the darkness looks like.


    Every time he kisses me, I realize that my favorite ce on earth is right here in bed with him,


    Kissing Aiden and Jake feels good; it feels amazing, even. But kissing Zaid is not just intoxicating, it''s transcendental.


    I could stay here forever.


    We talk until we are ovee with need again, Zaid sinking into me like it''s the first time all over again. Nothing exists while I''m here with him.


    We only sleep for a few hours before the world outside starts to wake up. The sun rises, peeking in through the window and I groan, burying my face in his side.


    I don''t want to leave.


    But the real world is waiting. Jake and Aiden are waiting.


    Zaid groans when I move. "No, not yet."


    I smile, running my fingers through his hair. "We have to."


    He lets out a dramatic sigh, but when he pulls back and looks at me, his


    expression softens. His thumb brushes over my cheek, his eyes tracing every inch


    of my face like he''s memorizing it.


    And then, so quietly I almost don''t hear it, he murmurs, "I love you."


    My heart stutters.


    I smile, pressing a kiss to his lips, lingering just long enough to feel him breathe


    me in.

 Chapter 181

    All Three of You-1


    Steam curls around us, the sound of water cascading from the showerhead filling the shower as I step in behind Zaid.


    The water is warm against my skin and I close my eyes as I let it fall over my head and my face. Zaid''s hands run up and down my body,thering me in soapy bubbles, and I lean my back onto his chest, sighing.


    He wraps his arms around me, running his lips down the side of my neck. The touch is exciting, but my heart races for an entirely different reason.


    I''m still reeling from the emotions of our confessionsst night, from how perfect it was with him. But there''s still so much we have to talk about.


    Something I have to ask him.


    I swallow hard and pull out of his arm, turning around to face him. My mouth dries, my body tensing as I watch the water slide down the hard nes of his chest. My nerves tighten my stomach, and I take a shaky breath, trying to find the right words.


    "Zaid."


    He nces down at me, his dark eyes soft. "Hmm?"


    I chew on my bottom lip, suddenly feeling stupid for even bringing it up, but I have


    know. "Are you still okay with me being with Aiden and Jake?"


    He stills, the water drumming against his skin as his gaze darkens. A frown tugs at his


    brows. "Do you still want that?"


    I do, but I''m afraid of answering without knowing what he feels.


    "The only thing that matters is you, Alina."


    I blink, taken aback by how simple he makes everything seem. "It doesn''t bother you?"


    He shakes his head without hesitation. "I''ve never had a problem with it."


    My heart lurches in my chest. He''s saying this like it is the most obvious thing in


    the


    433 pm


    All Three of You-1


    world and I am the one that hasn''t been seeing it.


    "Someone else making you happy isn''t a bad thing, Alina. It doesn''t make me jealous."


    My body coils tight and I realize it''s the relief flushing through me.


    He steps closer, his hands gliding over my arms. "I just want you to be happy."


    1 sag against him. I hadn''t realized how much I''d been holding onto the fear that this would change everything, that it would force me to choose.


    I exhale, pressing my palms against his chest. "I love Aiden and Jake," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. "But with you... it''s different. I love you more."


    His breath hitches.


    "If it ever got to the point where I had to choose, I would choose you."


    His expression shifts, something warm passing through his dark eyes before his lips part into a slow smile. His hands slide up, cupping my face as the water falls


    over us.


    "You will never have to choose between me and your happiness," he murmurs, brushing over my cheek. "I won''t ever do that to you."


    his thumb


    A half an hourter, we are heading downstairs, my hand in his as we prepare ourselves for another conversation to define what this rtionship means to the four of us.


    The smell of coffee and sizzling bacon fills the kitchen as we step downstairs. Jake is by the stove, focused on flipping pancakes, his brows furrowed in concentration. I can see the tension in the lines of his shoulders, the way he moves, a little too calcting.


    "Morning," Zaid says first, his voice rough with sleep.


    Jake nces over his shoulder and nods.


    Aiden walks in a momentter, his hair still damp from his own shower, and immediately


    moves beside Jake, grabbing tes and setting them on the counter.


    He doesn''t say much, just mutters a quiet morning before focusing on helping with


    breakfast.

 Chapter 182

    All Three of You-2


    I can feel the uncertainty in the air, the hesitation in the way Jake and Aiden avoid looking at Zaid and me for too long.


    They don''t know where they stand with me now. That realization clenches something inside my chest.


    Without another thought, I step up behind Jake and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his back. He freezes for half a second before exhaling a slow breath, his body melting into mine.


    I turn him around, cupping his face, and press my lips to his.


    He sighs into the kiss, relief flooding through him as his hands settle on my hips. When I pull away, his forehead rests against mine, and I smile softly.


    Aiden watches me with those piercing eyes, uncertainty flickering across his face. I don''t give him a chance to pull away; I close the space between us and kiss him just as deeply. He groans against my lips, his fingers tightening around my waist, pulling me closer.


    When I step back, I meet both their gazes, letting my actions speak for themselves. I''m still here. I''m still yours.


    Zaid steps beside me, his fingers brushing against mine before he moves to help them with breakfast. I go to the coffeemaker, pouring four cups as the house settles into an easier rhythm. The tension isn''t gonepletely, but it''s lighter


    now.


    We eat together at the table; the conversation starting slow before slipping into something more natural. But when the tes are empty, the real question finallyes.


    Aiden leans back in his chair, eyes locked on mine. "So... what happened? Are you going to be with Zaid? Exclusively?"


    I''m surprised that there''s no anger in his voice, just a tad bit of hurt. A bit of curiosity. Jake doesn''t look at me, just focuses on the rim of his coffee mug, as if bracing himself.


    I shake my head immediately. "No. I don''t want that. I want all of you. I always have."


    Aiden and Jake both exhale at the same time, like they''ve been holding their breath.


    All Three of You-2


    I frown. "Why did you guys think things would change?"


    Jake is the one who answers, setting his mug down. He looks at Zaid, then at me.


    "Because I knewst night. I knew immediately that Zaid is in love with you. And by the way you looked at him, you are too."


    I don''t deny it.


    Jake sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I love you, Alina. I feel so much for you. But


    I can''t give you the same kind of crazy, world-shattering love that


    Zaid can. Or Aiden."


    I frown at that, not really understanding.


    He sighs before continuing. "I''m older. I''ve fallen in love enough times. And I''m not looking for that first, passionate kind of love the way you guys are." He lets out a breath.


    There''s a prick in my chest, because I understand what he means, and yet it almost feels like he''s the one breaking up with me.


    "I don''t want to let you go, baby. You make me feel intense things. But if Zaid is the one who can give you everything you need, then I love you enough to step back."


    His words hit me deep, but I don''t hesitate. I leave Zaid''s side, stepping toward Jake and sliding onto hisp. I cup his face, forcing him to look at me.


    "I need you," I whisper. "I love you. And I need you."


    His throat bobs, something raw shing in his eyes.


    I turn to Aiden, reaching for his hand and gripping it tight. "And I need you too. I


    love you." My voice shakes, but only because of how much I mean it. "I don''t want this to end. I love all three of you."

 Chapter 183

    I Panicked


    I sit on Jake''sp, his hands resting firmly on my waist as we scroll through mattress options on hisptop.


    His breath fans the base of my neck every time he says something, and I like the feeling of him being so close to me. His fingers caress my skin,forting me and turning me on


    all at the same time.


    I turn to him as I point to a mattress, taking in the way the light from the screen highlights the edges of his jaw. He narrows his eyes to look at it.


    We''re in his home office, sitting behind his desk while Zaid and Aiden lounge on the set of couches in front of us. We decided to get a new bed together, one big enough for the


    four of us.


    Aiden exhales dramatically. "Just make sure it''s long enough for me." He''s the tallest and alwaysins about how his feet hang off the edge of the bed.


    Iugh, leaning back into Jake''s chest, tilting my head up so I can see his face. He chuckles against my skin, then presses slow, lingering kisses down the curve of my neck.


    A shiver runs through me, warmth blooming deep in my stomach.


    Jake hasn''t touched me like this for weeks, and neither has Aiden. I''m practically starving


    for their affection now that the intensity of what I was feeling went down.


    "And make sure it''s not too soft," Zaid adds from the couch.


    Iugh again, tilting my head to look at him. "We''ll make sure it fits everyone."


    Jake hums against my skin before I lean forward to tap through the options. Jake''s hands


    slide down my waist until he''s gripping my thighs, right at the base of my ass.


    I shudder but ignore him, wanting to order this before we get distracted. I shift, sliding


    my fingers over the trackpad, scrolling through different styles and sizes.


    I pause on one.


    "This one," I say, tapping the screen.


    + Panicked


    Jake smiles, nodding as he buries his fingers in my skin. "That one looks great. Get two."


    I nod, adding them to the cart and grabbing his card to ce the order. I hear his phone buzz and he looks down at the screen with a groan.


    He rubs his hands down his face. "I need to make some calls. Seems they can''t handle anything at work without me."


    I turn, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before slipping off hisp. "Okay."


    He stops be before I can walk away, his fingers on my chin, holding me against his lips. "I want you tonight."


    Heat pools in my belly, and I nod. "Yes."


    My voicees out breathy and desperate. That has him smiling, pressing another kiss to my lips before I walk away.


    I walk toward the guys and grab Aiden''s hand, tugging him up as we head to the door, Zaid following behind us. I lean back, kissing him softly. His lips are warm, and he smiles as I pull away.


    "I need to talk to Aiden," I tell him.


    Zaid nods, his expression understanding. "Okay."


    Aiden hears me, so he leads me down the hall to his room, shutting the door behind us before sitting on the bed. I straddle hisp, my hands resting lightly on his shoulders as I


    search his face.


    He looks at me, a pained expression on his face. I cup his cheeks, rubbing my thumbs


    across his skin.


    "How do you feel?" I ask softly. "Since we all talked?"


    He exhales, rubbing a hand down my thigh absentmindedly. "I don''t know. I''m still figuring that out."


    I swallow the thick lump in my throat.


    Aiden clears his throat, his fingers tightening slightly on my waist. "When you told us you


    I Panicked


    thought you were pregnant, I panicked.


    19


    He pauses, ncing away like he''s ashamed to admit that. I keep my touch on him, my eyes on his.


    "I saw my future sh before my eyes, and for a second, I was scared." He swallows.


    My heart hammers in my chest, wondering where he is going with this.


    "I love you, Alina. Being with you, it''s something I enjoy entirely. But falling in


    love? Having babies? Getting married?" He shakes his head. "I don''t know if I even want to be thinking about those things. I want to go to college. I want to y basketball. I want to do things for myself first."


    I smile, tilting his chin so he looks at me. His eyes are so deep, so honest.


    "Does that upset you?" he asks hesitantly.


    I shake my head. "No. I know that''s what you want, and I''m okay with it. We''re young, Aiden. You shouldn''t have to be thinking about that yet."


    He hesitates, then asks, "But... are you thinking about that? With Zaid? About marrying


    him?"


    I nce down at his chest. I can see his shirt moving from how hard his heart is


    beating in his chest. "Yeah," I admit.


    When I lift my eyes back up to his, he looks almost relieved.


    "I see Zaid in my life for the rest of my life. I see you there too... but it''s a bit blurry. I don''t know how you want to fit into my life."


    Aiden nods slowly, processing my words. His grip on my waist tightens slightly as


    he pulls me closer. "I don''t know, either. But I do know that I want to be with you right now."


    I lean closer to him, relieved to hear that.


    "Maybe one day I will fall in love you, maybe one day that future with us will be a


    lot


    clearer."


    I can''t help the way my heart dances in my chest at the thought. But we can''t ignore


    I Panicked


    reality, I sigh into him. "But if you ever find yourself falling for someone else, I want you


    to go after what you want. You will always be a part of my life and my heart will always be open to you. I don''t want you to feel trapped. I love you. I want you to be happy."


    His lips meet mine, slow and deep, his hands tightening around me.


    All we have right now is the present. The future can wait.


    Chapter Comments


    3

 Chapter 184

    Celebrate-1


    I stand in front of the mirror in my room.


    My nerves are shot. I''m shaking and I hate myself for it. I smoothe my hands down thecey part of the lingerie.


    It clings to me perfectly, hugging my curves in a way that makes me feel undeniably sexy. Still, the real thrilles from imagining the way their eyes will darken when they see me like this.


    I picture Jake, his gaze sweeping over me with that quiet, knowing hunger, his fingers skimming the edges of thece just to tease me. Aiden won''t even try to hide how much he wants me. And Zaid will look at me like he''s ready to worship


    me.


    Heat spreads through me at the thought.


    The anticipation makes my skin tingle.


    The babydoll lingerie leaves nothing to the imagination, the fabric so light and see through. Not to mention the open cups and crotchless thong.


    I want them, and I want it to be obvious that I want them to see me, to want me and to


    touch me.


    I bite my lip, a slow smile curling as I step away from the mirror.


    They''re going to love this.


    Tonight, I want to celebrate. For the first time, I feel like I''m being fully honest and not just with them, but with myself. It''s a freeing thought, one that fills my chest with


    warmth.


    With a final nce at my reflection, I step out of my room, my heart light as I make my way to Jake''s bedroom.


    The second I push open the door, my smile widens. They don''t notice me at first, too wrapped up in their argument. They decided to put the beds we do have together while we


    wait for the new ones to be delivered.


    434 pm 11:3


    Celebrate-1


    "I''m telling you, if we put them side by side this way, it gives us more room," Aiden insists, arms crossed, exasperation clear in his voice.


    Zaid shakes his head. "Yeah, and it also makes it impossible to get out of bed without stepping on someone."


    Jake sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We need to be thinking about practicality, not


    just space."


    Aiden scoffs. "I don''t want to be hanging off the edge."


    I bite my lip, trying to hold in myughter, but it bubbles out anyway, drawing their


    attention.


    Three pairs of eyes snap toward me, their bickering instantly forgotten. Their gazes drop, taking me in.


    My exposed breasts, perky nipples, the lips of my pussy as they peek out from my thong and my bare legs. The shift in the air is immediate, and I see Zaid''s erection as it grows, pushing at the seams of his sweatpants.


    Need coils in my belly.


    Jake''s eyes wander up and down, up and down. He can''t decide where to look at. He inhales, slow and shaky, and then shifts, rolling his shoulders. "Fuck."


    His eyes darken, his jaw tightening.


    "Holy shit," Aiden murmurs.


    Zaid swallows hard. "Love." His voice is barely above a whisper, but it''s thick.


    Jake moves, closing the space between us in three slow steps, his hand trailing up my arm before his fingers skim the strap of my lingerie.


    His thumb runs over one of my nipples and I shudder, stepping closer to him. His touch is so light, yet it sends fire racing across my skin.


    "You''re trying to kill us, aren''t you?" he mutters, his voice rough.


    I smile, heat pooling low in my stomach as Aiden and Zaid move in, too.


    Celebrate-1


    Aiden''s hands skim my waist, pulling me against him, his lips ghosting over my shoulder. Zaid''s fingers trace thece at my hips.


    I lick my lips, my eyes dropping to Jake''s mouth. He grips my chin, pulling me to him just as he closes the distance and kisses me.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 185

    Celebrate-2


    Aiden''s lipstch onto my neck, teeth and tongue working together. Zaid''s hand''s


    grip my hips and he twists the bottom half of my body that I am sandwiched perfectly between Jake and Aiden''s kisses, but my pussy faces Zaid.


    I feel him move, dropping down to his knees, and then his tongue licks me from opening to clit.


    I moan, knees buckling. Jake keeps me up, taking most of my weight. Aiden breathes heavily into my ear, his hands finding my breasts; he kneads my skin and flicks my breasts.


    I pull away from Jake''s lips with a gasp and he takes that chance to take a few steps back


    and undress.


    "I want to watch them fuck you first," Aiden whispers heavily.


    My insides light up, Zaid taking one of my legs and throwing it over his shoulder. He


    takes my clit between his teeth and bites down. I guttural moan leaves me.


    "I want to watch as they fill your pussy withe," Aiden moans, thrusting his hips into my ass where I can feel the shape of his erection. "And then I will fill your ass."


    "Yes, yes, please, Aiden," I beg, rocking my hips into Zaid''s face.


    His hands reach up and he grips my ass, spreading my cheeks so that his tongue sweeps


    over my asshole before returning to my pussy. My body trembles just as Jake makes his


    way back to me.


    He''spletely naked, hard cock pointing right at me. It presses agaisnt my side as he


    leans in to kiss me again, his hand fluttering down my skin so that he can circle my clit.


    It only takes a few strokes from him for me to shatter. I cry out, my body tensing with the


    orgasm as Zaid sticks his tongue deep inside me. He holds me against his mouth, letting me feel every wave that coils through me.


    When he pulls away, I whimper from theck of his warmth. Aiden also steps away, but Jake keeps his arms around me, kissing me until I''m breathless.


    Celebrate-2


    He picks me up like I''m weightless, setting me on my back onto the bed. He kisses me, his cock pushing against my thigh. Then, he makes his way down my body, sliding off of me until I''m alone and spread open.


    Zaid and Aiden are naked now, too, and the three of them stand at the edge of the bed, looking down at me. Zaid grabs one of my thighs and Jake grabs the other. At the same time, they open me up further, pushing my knees back until my spine curves.


    Heat floods me, and I feel myself pulse. I should be a little embarrassed at the cool air hitting my pussy and asshole. I''m sure they can all see right into me, but


    it only makes sense to bear myself in such a vulnerable way.


    They have all of me.


    "You got her so wet," Aiden whispers, eyes drinking me in.


    Zaid smiles at that. "She was already so wet."


    I release a soft mewl and the three of them snap their eyes to my face. Jake smiles and when he reaches for me, he ces a finger at my asshole. I gasp, breathing in heavily as he slowly inserts it.


    I moan, lowering my eyes to where he''s ying with me.


    My breath shatters into a broken mess when Zaid fits his own finger right along Jake''s. They thrust them together and my insides clench. Aiden inhales, stepping away until I lose sight of him.


    "Please,"


    ," I whisper.


    Zaid''s dark eyes lift to mine as he continues to move his finger inside me. "You want


    more?"


    I nod.


    "You want my cock inside you?" Jake asks in a low, throaty voice.


    I nod. "Yes, I need it. Please."


    2/

 Chapter 186

    Very Greedy


    When Aiden returns between Zaid and Jake, he''s holding something in his hands. My eyes widen and then a new heat rolls through me.


    Zaid smiles, eyes right on my pussy. "I think that made her wetter."


    Aiden shakes his head. "You like the thought of this inside you?"


    He holds up the butt plug. It''s the biggest one and I know it will feel good when Jake takes me, when Zaid takes me.


    I nod, my body still folded, with Zaid and Jake''s hands holding me down.


    That makes Aiden''s smile widen, and he steps closer, bringing the plug to my ass. Zaid and Jake pull their fingers out and then Aiden pushes the plug in.


    It''s big, thick. I hiss, tension stiffening my body.


    "You need to rx, baby," Aiden breathes, his eyes focused on my ass.


    Zaid lifts my leg, pressing kisses on my ankle. I look at him, letting my body rx at the sight of his eyes. He''s drinking me in, loving the look of me open like this.


    I moan when Aiden pushes it in another inch.


    "Fuck," Jake groans out. "That''s right, baby. You can take it."


    Aiden stops, giving me a break. He pops a finger into his mouth, wetting it before he brings to the rim of my asshole. He massages me slightly and I rx, giving him space to push it in another inch, then another.


    All I can do it moan, arching my back as he continues to push it in me. I feel the base of it hit my cheeks and I sigh, falling back while my ass clenches around the girth. My muscles contract like spams and I feel my orgasm building just from that.


    "Beautiful," Aiden murmurs, stepping away.


    Zaid preses another kiss on the inside of my ankle and then he lets me go. I can uncurl from my folded position and I take a deep breath.


    Very timely


    Jake is over me, kissing me on my nipples, then my neck, then my lips. "I''ve missed your pussy, baby,"


    I whimper against his lips.


    "I''ve missed being inside you."


    I''m burning inside and I don''t know how much longer I can hold it, ¡°Jake,"


    The bed dips, and before I know it, Zaid''s hands are on my hair. He pulls on it gently, guiding me to flip onto my knees.


    He doesn''t have to tell me what he wants. The moment I''m bnced, I fist the base of his cock and suck him inside my mouth. Zaid throws his head back, grunting, "Fuck, love,"


    Jake is behind me, grabbing my hips. The head of his cock presses at my entrance and he only stills for a second, thrusting into me in one stroke.


    I cry, tears pricking my eyes. I can barely breathe with Zaid''s cock in my mouth and my ass is stretched wide, Jakes''s cock rubbing against the plug every time he rocks in and out


    of me.


    "You have the best fucking pussy," Jake is sputtering as he rocks into me. "And mouth, fucking hell," Zaid grunts, gathering my hair into his fisted hand.


    I look up at him, catching the way his eyes soften even as his jaw clenches and nostrils re. He''s so fucking beautiful it hurts to look at him.


    My insides burn with heat, pleasure, and need.


    I let the pace of the moment take over.


    Every thrust of Jake''s hips sends me forward, forcing Zaid''s cock deeper into my mouth. It''s the perfect rhythm.


    I look over, finding Aiden. He''s sitting, watching us. His eyes move between Jake fucking me from behind and Zaid''s cock in my mouth. He''s leaning back, legs wide apart while he


    fists his cock in his hand.


    His eyes drop to where my breasts jiggle below me and he hisses. "How are we supposed


    om


    Very Greedy


    to get enough of this, baby?"


    Jakeughs, and Zaid hums. It''s the only response he gets, the bed creaking


    below us. I suck Zaid in deep and he pulls me away.


    "Fuck, love. I''m supposed toe in your pussy, remember?"


    I gasp for a lungful of air and drop onto my elbows, not skipping a beat as I take his balls into my mouth instead.


    "Shit,¡± He falls backward into the pillows, chest heaving with every breath.


    Jake''s thrusts turn shorter, more rigid, and I know he''s close. I turn away from Zaid, pushing myself onto my hands. Jake leans forward, growling as he grabs my neck and pulls me up.


    I arch my back, letting my head fall on his shoulder, and he squeezes my throat. It''s such a tight fit with the plug inside me.


    "This pussy is mine," Jake exhales into my throat.


    His thrusts are frantic, fast, the sound of our skin pping echoing off the walls. Then Zaid is in front of me, his lips on my nipples and his hand between my legs, twisting and pulling on my clit.


    I ery out, shatter, convulsing and boiling from the inside out.


    Jake growls, his hands on my hips as he holds me to him and sprays hise all over the inside of my pussy.


    Zaid pulls back, dark eyes watching my chest as I attempt to catch my breath, and then he


    watches my pussy as it still contracts around Jake''s cock. Every single nerve ending is


    firing and I need more.


    More hands on me.


    More cocks inside me.


    Moree.


    Jake presses his hands against my hips like he''s going to pull out of me, but I stop


    him.


    4:35 pm


    Very Greedy


    "No, stay inside me. Just like that. For a little while."


    I turn my head to the side so I can see him, and his eyes are heavy with desire. "You have a greedy little pussy."


    "Very greedy." I nod, moaning when the remnants of my orgasm still have my pussy clenching around his cock and my ass contracting around the plug. His hand wraps around my neck and he kisses me.


    Deep. Tongue down my throat like he''s feasting on me.


    I jerk, Zaid''s fingers ying with my clit again. But Jake doesn''t let me go, not even to look at Zaid, not even to breathe.


    My body shudders, and it feels like my heart stops in my chest as I manage to pull away from Jake''s lips. My eyes are on him as I cry out. "I''ming. Jake, I''ming again."


    The sound of Zaid''s fingers circling my clit turns obscene. It''s loud, wet, a squelching that makes me turn red from the embarrassment.


    "Fuck, you''re dripping, fuck," Zaid rasps, his eyes glued to my pussy as his movement quickens.


    "Oh yes, I feel youing. Fuck, yeah,e on my cock, just like that," Jake''s words send me over the edge.


    me


    His hand on my neck and jaw keeps me looking right into his eyes and my jaw drops open as a moan shutters through me. My legs tremble, my clit bing overly sensitive. Stars enter my vision and Ie so hard, I almost ck out for a second.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 187

    Out of Body-1


    I slump into Zaid''s arms, his warm hands pressed against my lower back. Jake pulls out of me and I hiss, whimpering into Zaid''s shoulder.


    "Fuck, baby, I''m not going tost," he whispers into my ear.


    I don''t have the chance to say anything before he''s lifting me into his arms and slowly lowering me onto his cock. He''s sitting on the bed and I''m straddling him, legs wide open for him to have ess.


    I feel the plug in my ass start to slide out from all the contracting my muscles are doing, but someone pushes it back in. When I look over my shoulder, Aiden is standing behind


    1. me.


    I moan, Zaid seating himself fully inside me, his breath heavy against my chest.


    "Fucking hell, you''re perfect." Zaid takes my lips into his, kissing me deeply as his hands grip my jaw.


    As he''s doing that, Aiden starts kissing me up my spine, then my neck. "I thought I was going to be able to wait, but I want my cock inside you now."


    A groan deep in my throat is the only response I can give him as Zaid continues to kiss me. Aiden takes his time, pulling the plug out of my ass in a slow, calcted movement.


    I mewl into Zaid''s mouth, and he finally pulls back enough for me to breathe. The moment the plug leaves my asspletely, I gasp, feeling the air hit my insides as my muscles clench and unclench.


    "Can''t believe I haven''t fucked this perfect little hole," Aiden mutters behind me.


    My entire body breaks into prickles and Zaid''s body flexes. He grips my thighs and holds me as he stands. I moan when his cock pushes deeper inside me and his nostrils re.


    Aiden closes in behind me and when he presses his cock to my asshole, my breath catches in my throat. My eyes are focused on Zaid, that beautiful darkness of his pupils like pools


    I can get lost in. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling myself up so that Aiden has a better angle with his height.


    Out of Body-?


    "Rx, my love. You can take it,¡± Zaid mutters against my lips.


    Aiden pushes in, his own moan filling the room. His big hands wrap around my hips as he slowly finds his way inside me. He fights the tightness of my walls and it only makes it feel better for me.


    Zaid''s throat tenses, his veins popping in his head. "Fuck."


    When Aiden is all the way inside me, and his balls p my ass, the three of us moan with pent up need.


    "Okay, who''s fucking moving because I''m going to fucking burst just standing here," Aiden grunts, his fingers bruising my skin.


    Zaid closes his eyes, gritting his teeth together. "I just need a second. She''s fucking tight."


    Both my pussy and ass clench around them, sending them into a fit of groans and hisses.


    Jake walks back in from the bathroom. I imagine he was cleaning himself up, but the moment he sees us, his eyes hood over.


    His cock goes fromid to semi-hard in a matter of seconds, and he''s hissing under his breath. "Jesus, fucking hell."


    Zaid''s hand drops to my clit.


    I scream. "Zaid!"


    "I need you toe fast. We won''tst long, love."


    He circles my clit, building up that boiling heat inside me. Neither of them moves,


    but they breathe heavy, tensing and untensing as they try to keep their sanity.


    Zaid drops his lips to my nipple, biting and nipping at it.


    Oh, fuck. It feels so good, so good. My orgasm is building again, my insides twisting painfully.

 Chapter 188

    Out of Body-2


    Jake walks toward us, and he grips my neck, bringing his lips to mine. He kisses me,


    thrusting his tongue down my throat, and then he pulls back. "How do you feel right now,


    baby?"


    My eyes go to his. "Full."


    He hums, eyes drinking me in.


    "So full."


    "You want toe again?"


    I nod. "Yes, please."


    "You want to be full of oure?"


    I nod, breathing heavily.


    "This isn''t helping me," Aiden hisses, thrusting once, like he can''t control it.


    Zaid moans when the movement rocks him deeper into my pussy. It''s the only warning I


    get.


    His hands wrap around my thighs, the muscles in his arms flexing as he lifts me and drops me on their cocks. I scream into Jake''s mouth, but he muffles it with his lips.


    I''m getting destroyed.


    Ravished.


    They stretch me open, my legs spreading wider. I feel Jake''s hips and I reach down, grabbing his cock and fisting it. It hardens beneath my touch, and I love the way it makes me feel.


    To have the three of them here with me.


    Zaides first with a moan that turns into a growl. He doesn''t stop moving me, though. Even through his orgasm, he continues lifting me and dropping me on their cocks.


    Out of Body-2


    Aidenes next, his fingers quite literally gripping my bones from how tight he holds.


    He yells, head thrown back as he paints my insides.


    Jake holds onto me, swallowing every single one of my moans as I start toe.


    It spreads through me from the base of my spine and crawls up and across my body like a


    swarm of bees.


    I grip on tighter to Jake''s cock, quickening my pace. He stiffens, and the moan


    that leaves his lips is what drives me over the edge.


    I stop breathing, my body ovee by the spasms of my orgasm.


    Jake''se sprays my hips, my thighs, my stomach and he thrust into my fist to ride out his pleasure.


    We all still, breathing into each other as wee down. It feels like an out-of- body experience.


    Aiden slides out of me, and I moan, listening to his breathing as he steps back. Zaid stays inside of me and Jake spreads hise across my skin.


    "Beautiful," he whispers. "I shoulde on your skin more often."


    I smile,ughing. "Sure, but I don''t think I even can walk right now."


    Jake kisses me. "I''ll get the shower started."


    He steps away, leaving me breathless. Aiden kisses the back of my neck and he joins Jake in the bathroom, the sound of the shower turning on.


    Zaid lifts mepletely in his arms, his cock still in my pussy, and I grimace when he rocks deeper inside me. He smiles, setting me on my back on the bed, and he leans over


    1. me.


    My eyes widen, my breath painful as he presses his finger to my clit.


    "Zaid," I whine, shaking my head.


    He thrusts into me, hard and fast, fingers quick on my clit. The headboard bangs against the wall. I grab onto his shoulders, my pleasure so hard it feels like pain.


    Out of Body-2


    I wrap my legs around him, taking every inch of him. He moans. "I love you."


    I nod. "Yes. Yes. I love you."


    We bothe so fast and so hard that I feel it like an echo across my body.


    He helps me take off my lingerie, and when we make our way into the bathroom, the water is barely getting warm enough.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 189

    Happy-1


    but II inhale, taking in the moment. My damp hair is spread on the pillow beneath me, feel so good that it doesn''t bother me.


    My skin is also still damp from the shower, but I''m surrounded by warmth, and the smile on my face hasn''t left. My legs are tangled with Zaid''s as wey across the makeshift bed.


    His fingers tracezy patterns along my arm, my waist and the curve of my hip. I shudder. His touch might be light, barely there, but it sends waves of satisfaction through me. He turns into me, lips brushing against my neck, pressing soft, lingering kisses.


    I sigh.


    Aiden rolls in closer from my other side, smiling up at me as he rolls one of my nipples between his fingers. I gasp, gripping his wrist to push him away.


    "Aiden, stop. I''m exhausted."


    I add a yawn and stretch for dramatics.


    "Fine." He yfully smiles,ying on his back.


    He ces one arm over his forehead and drops his other so that our fingers intertwine. I twist toward him, his amber eyes flitting over me, the look of pure happiness on his face.


    Jake walks into the bedroom from where he was downstairs, making sure the doors were locked and the lights were off. He frowns when he takes in our positions on the bed, but


    then he only shakes his head.


    "Next time, I''m sleeping next to her." He drops herself beside Aiden and props up on his elbow, watching me with azy, satisfied smile.


    Zaid presses a final kiss on my neck and lifts his head to look at the three of us. "This bed


    is too small."


    "Yeah, it''s kind of ridiculous." Aiden has a look of disgust as he looks down at the edge of


    the bed.


    I chuckle, biting my lip, still not willing to let the bliss disappear.


    Happy!


    "I don''t even know how we''re going to fit the ones we ordered in here," Jake says, amusementcing his voice.


    I roll my eyes. "What do you mean? This room is huge."


    He lifts his head to look around and says nothing, looking like he agrees with me when he shrugs.


    Aiden yawns, stretching his long arms above his head. Jakeys back and Zaid sighs, still tracing my skin.


    "We should make ns for your spring break, get tickets if we want to go somewhere," Jake says in the silence.


    Aiden perks up, turning on his side. "Let''s go to California. Beach, sun, waves, it''d be fun."


    Zaid hums beside me, his lips moving against my neck again as he mumbles, "¡°I don''t care where we go. As long as I''m with you."


    Iugh softly, turning my head to kiss him. "I just want to be with you, too."


    Zaid deepens the kiss for a moment, his hand dropping to my hips. He twists my body and I face himpletely, my leg over his waist as we get lost for a moment. I pull away, kissing the tip of his nose and turning toward Aiden.


    I straddle his hips and whisper, "And you."


    His lips are soft, warm and he exhales into me, his hand on my waist and the other sliding into my hair,


    When I finally lean toward Jake, he smiles at me.


    "Finally," he teases, capturing my lips in a slow kiss that makes my toes curl.


    When I pull away, I let out a small, contented sigh.


    "I''m... happy," I admit, my voice quiet. It''s like if I speak too loud, it will shatter the reality we''re living in.


    Jake''s fingers dig into my hip bones and then he lets me go. I roll onto my back, between Zaid and Aiden again.

 Chapter 190

    Happy-2


    "I''m happier than I ever thought I''d be," I whisper as I stare into the ceiling. My heart beats happily in my chest and I want to say the words I''m thinking. I want to speak them


    into existence.


    I want to make sure they know how I feel.


    I run my hands down to my bellybutton, feeling my skine to life. Head floods me and I have to unstick my tongue from the top of my mouth as I say the next words. "I didn''t know sex could feel." I pause, taking a moment to find the right words. "So amazing."


    The three of them chuckle, and Jake props his head up from behind Aiden''s shoulder. I have to hold in myugh at the sight.


    He smirks at me. "Yeah, well, it doesn''t always feel like that."


    I frown.


    Aiden''s body scoots in closer to me. He cups my breast, pressing a kiss to its side. I watch him, my body tingling. "It feels that way because it''s with you."


    "Oh," I exhale.


    Zaid tightens his arm around my waist, his lips pressing once more to my bare shoulder. "It''s only because of you, love."


    My heart swells, and I close my eyes for a moment, sinking into their warmth, their love. When Aiden shifts once more, I feel his erection on my thigh.


    He''s hard again, and he pushes down on his cock, visibly struggling with the sensation it causes. I imagine he doesn''t want to ask more of me, afraid I''ve given a lot tonight.


    But his need ignites mine. My inside immediately tighten, my want coiling in pain.


    Jake isn''t hard; his face rxed as he looks up at the ceiling. I look over at Zaid, and he''s hard like always, but he''se twice already.


    I make up my mind, flipping into my stomach between Aiden''s legs and sucking him into my mouth without warning. He tenses, eyes wide as he takes me in.


    Happy-2


    "Fuck, baby, you don''t have to," he hisses, head thrown back.


    The sight makes me smile, my cheeks hollowing as I suck him.


    Zaid snorts. "If she''s doing it, it''s because she wants to, not because she has to."


    The bed moves, Zaid''s hands on my thighs. I frown, wondering what he''s doing when he settles beneath me and sucks my clit into his mouth. I moan, trying to keep my focus on Aiden. I y with his balls, my fingers kneading them as I suck on his head.


    For the next few minutes, the room is filled with the noises of our sucking and slurping. Aiden and I moan, Jake saying and doing nothing, but he''s watching.


    Aiden''s hand grips my hair as he attempts to pull me away, but I don''t let him. His hips buck up, and I know he''s close. He grunts. "I''ming already."


    I don''t slow down, keeping my pace, and Zaid eats me out like he was made for it.


    My body warms up and I buck my hips, too, so sensitive.


    Aiden growls, thest thrusts of his hips filling my mouth with hise.


    I moan, swallowing without hesitation.


    My orgasmes fast, and I try to pull away from Zaid''s mouth, but his hold on me is tight.


    I''m out of breath, and it''s Aiden that has to lift me and ce me back between them. He kisses me, moaning against my lips.


    Jake clicks themp off behind him and it doesn''t take long for me to fall asleep in the darkness

 Chapter 191

    What, Indeed


    I smile to myself, stirring the pot of spaghetti I have on the stove while I sway to the music that''s ying in my head.


    I should be paying attention to the lecture ying off of myptop, but I couldn''t care less about all of that at the moment. The kitchen is warm, the windows open to the sun outside and I''m barefoot, wearing a short summer dress.


    I lean over the pot and inhale the scent of simmering tomatoes and garlic. It smells so good, and I am starving.


    The music leaves my head and I start humming, still half-listening to my online ss, the professor''s voice blending into the background of my little bubble of happiness.


    The days have been good and even better than I ever imagined. Being with them, really being with them, feels like the most natural thing in the world. I''ve found a rhythm with each of them, finding time to be alone and yet also enjoying my time with the four of us together.


    I surprise myself every day. I''ve been able to keep up. I crave them just as much as they crave me. It''s intoxicating, consuming, and yet it feels so right. They feel like a part of me now, and I can''t get enough.


    They try not to act surprised when I''m the one to initiate, even after already fucking for a few hours. I hope I never grow tired of this.


    The sound of footsteps makes me nce up, just as Zaid walks into the kitchen. His dark hair is a mess, his skin still flushed from sleep, and he''s shirtless, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips.


    My heart does a little flip at the sight of him. "Did you just wake up?"


    He frowns, shaking his head. "No, I mean, yeah, but I took a nap. I was up way earlier."


    I smile, not believing him because I''ve been up since five. "Really?"


    His eyes hood over as he makes his way toward me, gripping my chin to make me look at him. "Yes, your moans woke me up."


    What, Indeed


    My cheeks flush, the soreness between my legs ring to life. Aiden had woken me up with kisses on my neck and then sunk into me, slowly and quietly thrusting into me before leaving for school.


    "Sorry," I whisper. "I didn''t realize we had woken you up."


    "It doesn''t bother me," he murmurs, his voice thick with sleep as he steps behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.


    I lean into his warmth, careful to keep some distance from the stove. He smiles against my neck, pressing a slow, lingering kiss to my skin.


    I sigh into him, stirring the pasta.


    He nces at the pot. "Enough in there for me?"


    I nod. "Yeah, I made a lot."


    Zaid hums in approval, but just as he steps away to grab some water, Jake walks in, his eyes glued to his phone, tapping furiously. His brow is furrowed, and I hear him mutter under his breath, something about how much he needs to retire.


    I chuckle. "Retire?"


    He nods, sending onest message before tossing his phone on the ind. "Yeah."


    I stop stirring and turn to him with my arms over my chest and a raised eyebrow. "You''re in your forties."


    He smirks. "I have no need to make any more money, so why the stress?"


    Before I can respond, he strides over, cups my face, and kisses me, deep, slow, intense. His hands grip my waist, pulling me flush against him, and I melt into it, my body reacting instinctively.


    I moan, letting him run his hands down and under my dress, gripping my ass to pull me in closer to him. He''s hard beneath his pants and my insides twist. Oh god, I can''t get enough.


    A throat clears behind us, making meugh against Jake''s lips before pulling away.


    What, Indeed


    I turn my attention back to the stove, draining the pasta just as my phone dings on the counter. Wiping my hands on a dish towel, I pick it up and smile at the message from


    Nikki.


    N: We''re partying this weekend for my birthday. Be there.


    She sends me the location of a college club that allows 18-year-olds.


    A: Yay, wouldn''t miss it!


    Just as I set my phone down, Zaid steps behind me again, peering over my shoulder. "What''s that?"


    "Nikki''s birthday. Girls'' night," I say casually.


    His expression shifts just slightly, not a frown, but something close to it. He doesn''t say


    anything, but I can tell he''s not entirely thrilled about the idea. I choose to ignore


    it, focusing instead on finishing lunch.


    Jake stands at my other side. "Girls'' night?"


    Zaid sighs. "At a club."


    Jake hums and I can tell he''s also not too fond of the idea. "You''re going to be drinking?"


    I smirk, turning to face them both and pop my hip to the side. "Yes, is that a problem?"


    He shakes his head. "No, I just want you to be careful."


    I cup his face, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "We''ll be careful."


    Zaid''s phone goes off and he groans. "I have to go take a test. Wish me luck."


    He kisses me quick and turns to make his way upstairs. The moment I turn to face Jake, he''s already looking at me like he knows exactly what''s he''s going to do to


    me.


    It''s not long before he has me sitting on the counter with my knees in his hands, spreading me wide open as he fucks me.


    I moan into his mouth, loving his breath on mine, loving every little noise he


    makes as his muscles strain. "Oh, my god Jake."


    314


    What, Indeed


    "Let me see those tits."


    I drop my hands from his neck, tugging at the straps of my dress and letting them


    fall down my arms, letting my dress bunch up at my waist.


    "Fuck, you''re perfect."


    I drop my hand to my clit, circling it, pulling on it, pushing on it. My legs tremble.


    "You''re perfect."


    He smiles. "Am I?"


    I nod. "Yes, you and your perfect cock."


    He moans, his thrust quickening. "It was really fucking hard to not jerk off to the


    sound of your moaning this morning."


    I gasp, my hands tilling. "Oh, you heard me, too?"


    He nods, the veins in his neck popping. "You''re not very quiet, you know."


    I throw my head back against the cabs when I start circling my clit again.


    "Jake, I''m going toe."


    "Fuuuuckkkkkkk."


    Wee together, my eyes on his as he bites down on my lip.


    Everything is so perfect, fitting together like a jigsaw puzzle. I was in heaving,


    bliss surrounding me. Finally, I let myself ask the question I''ve refused to even think.


    What could possibly go wrong?

 Chapter 192

    Girls'' Night


    The shot of tequ burns as it goes down my throat.


    Nikki squeals from beside me and the both of us grimace. I lost count of the shots, but it is way more than I am used to and it''s starting to make me feel a bit wheezy.


    She leans toward the mirror, applying more blush on the apple of her cheeks. We''re sitting side by side on the floor, our knees knocking together as we do our makeup in her


    room.


    "Happy birthday to youuuuuuu," I start, iling my arms around.


    Nikkiughs, throwing her head back.


    "Happy birthday to youuuuuu." I swipe my brush across my eyelid.


    Nikki shakes her head. "You sound terrible."


    I shoot her a shocked look. "Excuse me?"


    "You''re so off key, but that''s fine with me. You can keep singing."


    She keeps giggling as I belt out the end of a slurred version of "Happy Birthday".


    There''s a warmth inside me, spreading with every second, and it also spreads up to my


    head. My limbs feel looser and my mind is pleasantly fuzzy. Not too much, but just enough that everything feels funnier, a little easier, a little more electric.


    When Nikki finishes her winged eyeliner, she serves us another shot and I take it. We finish our makeup and then we change into our dresses and heels.


    We''re standing quietly in front of her mirror, looking at ourselves. Nikki is wearing a sexy number, a red dress that hugs her curves perfectly and matches her bold lips. I''m wearing a little ck dress, hoping not to upstage the birthday girl.


    A wide smile spreads on Nikki''s lips. "Damn, we look hot."


    I take in the sight of us, and run my hands down my waist. "Yeah."


    Nikki blows out a steady stream of air. "We''ve had enough to drink, right? We can''t get


    theads them, so we gotta make sure we''re good."


    think about it for a second, feeling my body spin a bit. We''ll be out for a bit, so I shrug.


    She smiles wide and fills the sses, raising them toward me. "To a night we won''t


    "To a night we won''t regret," I say,ughing as we clink our sses and down another


    round


    Aikki hisses. "Well, we might regret the hangovers tomorrow."


    1 blink. "No, no, no talk of that. We''re celebrating tonight!"


    I grab my phone, ordering a car for us, "Okay, car''s on its way!"


    We grab our tiny purses and make our way downstairs, stillughing, still a little wobbly from the tequ. We have to hold on to the railings so we don''t miss a step and it''s so funny to us, we can''t stopughing.


    When we walk into the living room, we stay quiet. Parker, Zaid and Aiden are sprawled out on the couches, controllers in hand andpletely focused on their game.


    Parker is the first one to turn toward us. He pauses the game and whistles low.


    Zaid and Aiden turn. The shift is immediate, eyes darkening, the gamepletely forgotten.


    Parker pushes himself off the couch to grab Nikki by the waist and pulls her into a kiss. She melts into it, smug and pleased, while I make my way to the couch, throwing myself onto Zaid''sp with a dramatic sigh, stretching my legs out across Aiden''s,


    Zaid''s hands automaticallynd on my waist, his fingers spreading across the fabric of my dress, his grip tightening slightly. He touches the skin of my thigh and I giggle at him.


    Aiden''s eyes are fixed on me, drinking in my legs, my makeup, my hair. "Feels like we should be going with you."


    "Nope." Nikki pops the p as she peels herself away from Parker''s lips. "Girls'' night. Plus, my other friends are single, so it wouldn''t be fair."


    Girls'' Night


    The guys groan in protest.


    Zaid''s hand slips lower as if that''ll convince me to stay.


    Iugh, shifting in hisp so I can straddle him, pressing my lips to his in a slow, deep kiss. The tequ makes me bolder, the way his fingers tighten in response makes me feel like I''m on top of the world.


    When I finally pull away, Aiden is watching, eyes hooded, lips twitching.


    So, of course, I crawl off of Zaid''sp and set myself on him, brushing my lips over his, teasing, before deepening it. Aiden groans against my mouth, his hand sliding up my thigh.


    "Jesus Christ," Parker mutters.


    The sound of my phone buzzing again has me pulling away. I nce at the screen. "Our ride''s here."


    I stand, about to walk away, when Zaid''s hand mps around my waist, halting


    me before I can move. "Be careful."


    I grin, pecking his lips onest time before walking away. "Always."


    Nikki and I climb into the car, and the second we shut the door, she startsughing.


    "What?" I look at her, alsoughing because it''s contagious and anything could make meugh at this point.


    "That was so hot," she whispers.


    I snort.


    "I mean, both of them kissing on you like that? Damn. I''m kinda jealous."


    That makes meugh louder, heat in my face. "Yeah, it feels good to be with them."


    We spend the rest of the ride giggling and talking about how hot we find our guys. When we arrive at the club, the music is thumping out into the street. Nikki''s friends are waiting for us and we all hug like we''ve known each other for years.


    Girls'' Night


    We only have to wait in line for a few minutes and then we are dancing. Alcohol buzzes in our veins and weugh. The night is fun, light and everything it should


    be.


    Soon, we''ve made friends with a dozen other girls and we''ve formed a protective group. Nikki''s friends start dancing with other guys and we''re dancing with each other.


    It feels good to be free.


    "I need some water," I yell over the music, leaning into Nikki''s ear.


    She nods at me, giving me a thumbs up.


    I walk away, smiling as I stumble toward the bar. I manage to get the bartenders''


    attention and ask for some water. She sets it in front of me and I take a long,


    cooling sip.


    "Alina Hanson?"


    I almost spit the water from my mouth when I look up. I blink, confusion spreading through me. "Mr. Admas?"

 Chapter 193

    It''s Only Fair-1


    I freeze.


    Mr. Adams leans against the bar, a drink in his hand, a smug, knowing smile curling on


    his lips. My stomach twists.


    His eyes take me in from my head to my toes, and I blink to clear my head. I feel


    like this isn''t real, just a dream of some sort.


    Because, what the hell is a high school teacher doing at a college club?


    It''s creepy at best, predatory at worst.


    The bass of the music thrums through my chest, but suddenly, the warmth of the alcohol is gone, reced by something cold. I shiver, offering a small smile.


    I scan the crowd, looking for Nikki, for her friends, but the bodies blur together,


    twisting and pulsing with the music, faceless in the shing neon lights. I can''t see a damn thing and now panic is surging through me.


    He steps closer to me as he takes a drink from his cup. I take a step back, nning on taking another to walk away. Mr. Admas had other ideas. He grabs my wrist, keeping me in ce.


    "Oh,e on, tell me how you''ve been."


    I shake my head, pulling my arm. But his hold is so tight that I fear what one wrong movement will cause in his reaction.


    "I-I''ve been fine. I''m here with Nikki and some friends. They''re probably looking for me." I force a tight smile, taking another step back.


    He just follows me, keeping his hand on my wrist. "They cane find you when they want you."


    My heart starts hammering in my chest, and I look at the bartender for help. She''s so busy, getting crowded by a group of men.


    "Alina," his voice cuts through the noise as if we''re just running into each other at the


    It''s Only Fair-1


    side of the street.


    My lips tremble, and I look at the ground. "Mr. Adams, please."


    He steps in closer, and the heating off of his body has me gagging. "Call me Eric. I''m not your teacher anymore."


    Everything inside me screams to run away. I move, but he pushes off the barpletely, stepping closer. Too close.


    "I was just asking how you were doing," he says, tilting his head as if he actually


    cares.


    Something sharp curls in my stomach, my body going rigid. I shake my head. "I should, um, I should go find my friends. It was nice seeing you, Mr. Adams."


    I turn to leave, but before I can take another step, he moves, crowding me.


    My back hits the wall.


    Panic seizes my lungs.


    His hand ms against the wall beside my head, caging me in. His other hand still holds his drink, ice clinking against the ss. He leans in, his breath warm with liquor, his legs keeping me in.


    "Call me Eric, Alina," he says again, softer this time.


    I swallow hard, trying to push him away, but he doesn''t budge. The alcohol burns through my veins, making my limbs too slow, my thoughts too sluggish. He never showed any interest in me when I was his student.


    This is totally out of the blue.


    Confusing.


    His lips curl. "I heard a little rumor about you."


    My stomach drops.


    "I hear the Matthews boys have been keeping you very close."


    4:39 pm


    It''s Only Fair-1


    The world tilts, my vision tunneling. What is he getting at?


    I shake my head, my voice barely above a whisper. "Please let me go."


    But he just smiles, cruel and satisfied.


    "You know, Zaid took something from me." His fingers tighten around his ss.


    I push through my memories, remembering that first day I met Zaid. That


    arrogant, pig- headed boy that bragged about fucking his teacher''s wife. My blood runs cold.


    "That little fucker cost me my wife."


    My breath shudders out.


    "And I think it''s only fair that I take something from him."

 Chapter 194

    It''s Only Fair-2


    White, hot panic rushes through me. I knee him between the legs, shoving his arm away. He grunts, falling over, and his ss falls to the ground with a smash.


    Relief floods through me as I take a step away from him, but then his arm is around my elbow and he pulls me into a dark hallway.


    I pull on his hold, screaming, but no one hears me over the loud music thumping in the back. I keep screaming, shoving my elbow back hard enough that I feel the crunch of his


    cheek beneath my bone.


    It hurts like a bitch, but I ignore the pain and ignore the tears that trail down my cheeks. My heart ms against my ribs, my breaths short and sharp as I fight to get away, and I run right into a hard chest.


    "Fuck, Alina?"


    The familiar voice has me crying harder, Zaid''s arms around my shoulders. The moment my eyesnd on Zaid''s dark eyes, relief crashes over me so intensely that my entire body


    reacts.


    I nearly copse, my breathing out in a ragged exhale, my limbs suddenly weak. It''s like breaking through the surface after drowning, like the first gasp of air


    after being


    suffocated.


    The panic gripping my chest loosens just enough for me to move.


    He''s here. I''m safe. The terror still clings to me, but Zaid is solid, real.


    "You''re here, you''re here," I cry, leaning into his chest. I can still feel Mr. Admas'' breath


    on my skin, his hand on my arm, his words curling around my mind like poison.


    "What the fuck happened?" His voice is like an anchor in the storm, grounding


    me.


    The music sounds even louder now, and when I look over Zaid''s shoulder, I see Aiden and Parker. Parker is holding up Nikki, who is probably a bit too drunk.


    I feel the exact moment that Zaid sees Mr. Admas. His entire body stiffens, his hold on me tightening. He cusses under his breath and he quickly walks me to Aiden.


    It''s Only Fair-2


    My fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, holding on like he''s the only thing keeping me from falling apart. ¡°Zaid, please. Don''t."


    Aiden''s smilepletely disappears the moment he sees us walking toward him. Zaid transfers me into Aiden''s arms, his handing up to cup my face for a brief moment, his thumb brushing against my cheek.


    "Take her home," he says, his voice angry.


    "No, Zaid-"


    But he''s already turning away.


    Aiden frowns, looking down at me with wide eyes. "Are you okay?"


    I can only shake my head and turn to watch in horror as Zaid stalks toward Mr. Admas, his movements precise. Before Mr. Admas can react, Zaid grabs him by the cor of his


    shirt and ms him against the wall.


    My breath stutters. I shake my head. "You need to stop him before he hurts him." The wordse out of me broken, from a breath trying to not sound like a cry.


    Aiden''s already moving. He curses under his breath, pushing through the crowd as security starts to notice themotion.


    Parker and Nikki are suddenly beside me, and Aiden nces at them.


    "Take her home," he orders, his expression tight.


    I can''t hear what Zaid is saying, but I can see the rage in his face, the barely restrained violence in the way his knuckles whiten around Mr. Admas'' shirt.


    Aiden reaches them just as security does, yanking Zaid back before he can do any real


    damage.


    Parker guides me toward the exit, but I can''t take my eyes off Zaid.


    Thest thing I see before the club doors close behind us is Aiden pulling him


    away, his grip firm, his voice low, while Mr. Adams straightens his shirt, looking far too panicked.

 Chapter 195

    Wash Everything Away


    The kitchen is quiet except for the soft clinking of a spoon against ceramic as Nikki stirs a cup of tea.


    My stomach turns to the point of pain and I pick at my nails, too nervous to sit down.


    Nikki''s wide, guilt-ridden eyes meet mine for what feels like the hundredth time, her lips parting as she whispers, "I''m so sorry, Alina. We should have never gone out."


    I shake my head, exhaustion pressing down on me like a weight. "Don''t say that. It''s not your fault. I was having fun"


    I try to smile, but I''m sure ites out broken and horrible.


    "Baby, it''s not your fault," Parker interjects, his voice edged with barely contained anger. "That fucker - Mr. Admas is a pervert."


    Nikki lets out a shaky breath, turning her attention back to the tea as she busies herself searching through the cabs for honey. I nce toward the stairs, knowing that Jake is asleep, and I don''t want to wake him up.


    I chew my lip, my pulse still unsteady, but before I can even begin to process my next thought, the front door opens.


    The moment I see Zaid, I move on instinct.


    I don''t even think. My feet carry me forward before I can breathe, before I can do anything else.


    Zaid looks tired, disheveled, his dark hair a mess, his jaw tight with anger and disgust, Aiden right at his heels. But I don''t care about anything else except that he''s here. I throw myself into his arms, my fingers clutching onto his shirt as I bury myself against him, my breath shaky.


    "What happened? Are you okay?" My voicees out more frantic than I intend, but I can''t help it. I''m shaking, the adrenaline still running through me.


    He pulls back slightly, frowning down at me. His hands cup my face and his warmth brings me peace. ¡°I should be asking you that.¡±


    Wash Berything Away


    I swallow, my emotions still on edge, and before I can say anything else, he leads me back into the kitchen. Nikki wordlessly hands me the tea she had just made, and I take it gratefully, murmuring, "Thank you."


    Her mascara is running down her face, and she is looking at me like she hopes I don''t hate her. 1 pull her into a hug. She sighs, like she was waiting for that,


    "Thank you for bringing me home,"


    She nods against my shoulder, still holding me tight. "I''m sorry,"


    We pull apart and I shake my head. "It''s nothing you have to apologize for."


    Parker clears his throat. "Do you guys need anything else?"


    Aiden shakes his head, pping him on the shoulder. "No, man. Thanks for bringing her home."


    He walks them both to the door while Zaid stays with me, his eyes never leaving mine. Aiden joins them outside, no doubt exining to them what happened. Once the front door closes behind them, Zaid finally speaks. "What do you need?" My throat tightens. My hands tremble as I hold the warm mug between them, but the tea does nothing to chase away the chill that lingers on my skin.


    "I just want to take a shower. I want to wash everything away."


    Zaid doesn''t hesitate. He ces his hand on my lower back, waling me to his room. He takes the tea from my hands, setting it on the bedside table.


    His movements are careful as he walks me into the bathroom, his fingers gentle as he helps me undress. He doesn''t rush me, he just watches me.


    I cry as he takes care of me, his fingers hesitant. He doesn''t really touch me unless I lean


    into him.


    We step into the shower together, the warm water cascading over us, and I close my eyes, taking his hands and cing them on me. He slides them over my skin, washing away the remnants of vition.


    He doesn''t push for more, doesn''t ask for anything. He''s just there, quiet. When we finally


    Wash Everything Away


    get out, he dries me off, leads me to the bed, and pulls me close beneath the


    covers.


    But I can''t sleep.


    I turn on my side, staring at him. His eyes are already open, watching me in the dim light. "What happened?"


    He hesitates, his jaw clenching slightly. I see the way his throat moves when he swallows, his fingers tracing small, absentminded circles on my waist. "The cops got involved."


    My breath shallows. "The cops?"


    He nods, eyes searching mine. "They want you to go to the station tomorrow. To give a statement. And... if you want to press charges."


    Panic coils in my stomach, making my chest feel tight. Before I can spiral, his hands slide down my arms, grounding me, his voice soft. "I''m sorry for getting the cops involved. I should have controlled myself.".


    I frown. "What do you mean?"


    He flinches, a grimace tugging at his features. He looks away for a long moment,


    his fingers tightening slightly on my arm as if he''s bracing himself.


    In a voice so quiet I almost don''t hear it, he whispers, "Because I know what it feels like."


    My breath catches.


    His jaw flexes again, his Adam''s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. When he finally meets my gaze, there''s raw, unspoken pain. His voice is barely above a whisper. "I know


    what it feels like to have someone touch you when you don''t want it."


    Shock punches through me. My chest tightens, my pulse stuttering as his words settle deep, unraveling something inside me. I remember Nikki and my conversation with her as she wasying in the tub. About the nurse.


    "Is that why you don''t like hospitals?" I ask, putting the pieces together.


    He flinches, but nods. "I shouldn''t have gotten the cops involved because I don''t want you


    to feel forced to talk about it. Like I was."


    1.30 pm 1


    Wash Everything Away


    I don''t know what to say. I just reach for him, my fingers brushing over his cheek,


    and he closes his eyes, exhaling shakily at the touch.


    "Thank you," I whisper.


    He leans in closer, pressing his forehead to mine.


    And in that moment, nothing else matters but this, him and me, holding onto each


    other in the dark, our wounds invisible but understood. The world could disappear for all I care.


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 Chapter 196

    Future


    I wake to the soft press of lips against my neck. A whisper of affection that sends a shiver


    down my spine.


    A sigh escapes me, my body instinctively melting into the touch. Zaid''s lips trace the curve of my throat, his breath fanning over my skin as his fingers ghost along my waist.


    1 smile, eyes still closed, basking in the slow,zy show of intimacy. We''re both still naked from our showerst night, and I feel the push of his erection at my back.


    Needes alive inside me.


    For a moment, memories of the night before flicker at the edge of my mind, dark and unwanted, threatening to twist my stomach. But I refuse to let them take hold.


    Not right now, not when I have Zaid beside me. Naked. Hard and with his lips on my skin.


    I turn in his arms, finding his face inches from mine, his deep eyes heavy-lidded with sleep. I press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, savoring the way he smiles against my lips. before his hand cups my chin, tilting my face, pulling me into a deep kiss.


    His tongue is slow, thorough, his fingers threading into my hair as he drinks me in.


    I wrap my arms around his neck, cing my thigh on his waist.


    He pulls back just enough to murmur, "We should get up. It''ste."


    I don''t care what time it is. It could be three in the afternoon, and I would still want to stay in bed right here with him.


    I shake my head, pressing myself closer, my hands slipping down to his bare chest as I pull him back to me. I grind my hips against him, making sure he can feel me on his cock.


    His nostrils re, eyes drinking me in. "Alina."


    "Please," I whisper. "I''m fine. Don''t worry about yesterday. I just want you."


    His hand tightens in my hair and my breath catches. His grip tightening around me as he leans down, capturing my mouth in another kiss.


    Future


    We don''t pull away, Zaid shifting until his settling above me, between my legs. His lips trail down my neck, capturing my nipple between his teeth. I hiss, arching my back as I look down at him.


    Hevishes, sucking on my skin before kissing it until I''m delirious.


    "Zaid, please. I want you inside me."


    He pops my nipple out of his mouth and lifts his face to mine. He looks down at me with a seductive, feline smile. "You begging me for my cock?"


    I groan. "Yes."


    His nostrils re and he knocks my legs open wider with his knees and settling his cock at my entrance. He doesn''t use his hands. He''s so hard, so precise with his hips that he''s pushing his way inside me with his eyes on mine and his hands on the bed.


    It''s incredibly sexy.


    My eyes trail down his muscr chest, my fingers feeling down his skin, down his scars to his bellybutton.


    He moans, pushing in inch by inch. "Fuck, love."


    "Yes," I nod, my mouth suddenly dry. The wettest thing about me being my pussy.


    I breathe in, stretching to take him. It''s first thing in the morning, no forey, no hands.


    I love it like this. Love the slow intrusion, the forceful push, the painful stretch.


    "Let me in, love," he whispers, his dark eyes on me.


    open my legs wider and he shudders, burying his cock deep inside me. I''m out of breath, clenching around him.


    He starts rolling his hips and I gasp, my hands shooting to cups his face as I look into his eyes. "Oh, Zaid."


    The muscles in his neck strain and he exhales shakily.


    "I love you," I whisper against his lips.


    unse


    His eyes darken, his thrusts deepening. "I love you."


    I kiss him, my tongue sweeping over his. "My love,"


    His entire body shudders at the words. He settles his hand on my waist, his thumbs brushing soft circles against my bare skin. The sensation sends shivers cascading down my spine, tiny goosebumps rising in response to his touch.


    His cock slides in and out of me easily. My need for him is so apparent with my wetness, my bodypletely open to him.


    I want to lose myself in him, in this moment. My heart pounds against my ribs, frantic, desperate. I love him.


    I love him so much it hurts.


    The weight of it wraps around my chest. I don''t ever want to be separated from him. The thought of it, of a life without Zaid, makes my stomach twist painfully.


    Zaid is watching me, his deep dark eyes filled with so much I can''t name, but I feel


    it.


    He sees me. Sees my every thought, every fear, every unspoken desire. His fingers press slightly into my skin, and he drives his hips faster. My breath is a pant, moans leaving my


    lips.


    His voice is low when he speaks. "I''m going to get down on one knee. One day."


    My heart lurches so violently I think I might be sick.


    "For you."


    My breath catches, a sharp gasp breaking from my lips. Goosebumps spread across my skin like wildfire, my entire body reacting to his words and to the slow pace of his hips.


    Zaid holds my gaze, unwavering, his eyes so open, so raw with vulnerability, it makes my


    chest ache.


    "You are it for me, love," he continues, his voice unshaken. "There is no me without you. No future without you."


    My orgasm starts to build, my insides coiling with pleasure.


    Future


    He swallows hard, and then, softer this time, a plea. "Tell me you want that, too."


    My entire body is trembling, my vision blurring with unshed tears. His love is so absolute, that it terrifies me. But I know the answer. I''ve always known.


    "Yes," I whisper, my voice shaking. "I want that, too."


    He moans, pressing into me as he quickens the pace of his thrust. "Fuck."


    His hand grips my thigh, bending my legs so that I am opened more. So he can get a better angle.


    I whimper, pressing my head back into the pillow. "Zaid."


    "I know," he grunts, his skin pping mine. "Fuck, I know. You''re choking my


    cock."


    I cry out as I orgasm, my pussy clenching around him so tight that I wonder how he even fits inside me.


    He keeps mming into me, and I ride out my orgasm with him thrusting into me.


    Hees with a deep groan, dropping his face into the crook of my neck, where he kisses me until we''ve both caught our breath.

 Chapter 197

    What I Would Have Done


    Zaid and I walk down the stairs together, smiles tugging at our lips, warmth between us. He steals a quick kiss before we reach the kitchen, and I giggle against his mouth, thankful for his gentler side.


    We walk into the kitchen, and my eyes go to Aiden first. He''s sitting on a stool at the kitchen ind, cradling a coffee mug between his hands. He''s focused on the countertop, as if he''s too deep in thought.


    Jake leans against the counter, his focus on his phone.


    When they hear our footsteps, the both of them nce up.


    Jake blinks like he''s trying to make sure we are really here. His eyes take in the way Zaid''s arm is around my waist, the way I''m leaning into him. The muscle between his brows twitches as his gaze sharpens. "You two didn''te to bedst night."


    My cheeks flush, and I clear my throat, reaching for a mug as I step away from Zaid. "We slept in Zaid''s room."


    Silence follows as I turn my back to them and pour my coffee. I can feel their eyes on my back, their focus, attention. When I turn back around, Jake is the one to break the silence.


    "Aiden told me what happenedst night."


    I freeze, my hand mid-air as I reach for a spoon. Zaid is beside me in an instant, his chest brushing the back of my shoulder. My heart rate calms down and I take his touch for what


    it is.


    Comfort.


    I exhale a slow breath and nod. "Yeah. I don''t know what I would have done if they hadn''t shown up."


    Aiden shifts in his seat, looking at me with a guilty frown. "Zaid was getting nervous when you didn''t answer your phone. He wanted to check on you. I thought he was being paranoid."


    I close my eyes for a second, inhaling. I let Zaid''s body heat melt into me. I''m safe


    prm


    What I Would Have Done


    because of him and I don''t know what I would have done if he hadn''t been there.


    When I open my eyes again, Jake''s expression softens, and he steps closer, cupping my face between his hands. His touch is gentle, his eyes searching mine. "Are you okay?"


    I lean into him, feeling the loss of Zaid''s touch. "I feel better now, but I''m not looking forward to going to the police station."


    He nods, his fingers brushing my cheek before he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I set my mug down, rising onto my toes to kiss him deeper, wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms tighten around me, holding me close.


    "I''ll go with you," he murmurs, his forehead resting against mine. "I''ll make sure you''re okay."


    I nod before ncing at Zaid.


    He smiles at me, his eyes filled with so much. "I''ll go with you, too."


    Before I can respond, Aiden stands and strides toward me, wrapping his strong arms around me as he pulls me into a kiss. I gasp against his mouth, my hands flying to his hair, fingers tangling in the strands as he lifts me effortlessly onto the counter. My legs wrap around his waist on instinct, my heart pounding as his lips move against mine.


    When he finally pulls back, his forehead rests against mine. "We''ll all go with you."


    A shaky sigh escapes me, relief settling deep in my bones. "Okay."


    Jake grabs his keys, and without another word, we head to the police station.


    Once inside, the lump in my throat grows two sizes and I can''t swallow. My stomach turns violently and I am so sure I''m going to be sick. Zaid''s arm around my shoulders is the only thing keeping me upright.


    "I''m right here, love."


    I nod against his side, my breathing out in a shaky mess.


    An officer leads me and Jake into a small interview room, a table and two chairs filling the space. Jake sits beside me, making sure his thigh touches mine.


    What I Would Have Done


    I''m grateful for that, but all I can do is look at the door and wish it were Zaid in here with


    1. me.


    The detective across from us listens as I recount every painful detail ofst night. He''s patient as I struggle through some of the parts. I don''t know how much I can say. Will I get in trouble for being drunk at 18?


    Does that even matter at this point?


    My voice wavers at times, but I push through, forcing myself to get it all out so that it can


    be put to rest.


    Jake asks some questions, the officer telling him they have many eye witnesses and can pretty much corroborate my story. He says he can''t say much; the investigation is still ongoing.


    I just want to get out of here.


    By the time we step out of the room, Jake is seething. His hands are clenched


    into fists, his jaw tight as he res at the floor.


    "If I had been there, I would''ve punched him," he growls under his breath.


    The police officer escorting us out to the lobby clears his throat. ¡°I understand your


    sentiments, but your stepdaughter is safe now, sir. Let us take care of the rest." I flinch. Stepdaughter.


    Jake stiffens beside me and exhales, his hand pressing against the bottom of my back. "Right."


    We walk toward Zaid and Aiden in silence, and when they see us, they stand. They look


    me over, making sure I''m okay.


    It seems they''re both satisfied when they see I''m not crying.


    I reach for Zaid''s hand, squeezing it gently. "It''s over now."


    He nces at me, his expression softening just a fraction before he nods. I can


    still see something there. Something that tells me he doesn''t think this is really


    over.


    AR41


    What I Would Have Done


    We make our way back to the car.


    "There''s a video already cirction of Mr. Admas being escorted to booking."


    My heart drops into the pit of my stomach. "What?"


    Zaid shifts, looking over the passenger seat at the phone on Aiden''sp. "Is Alina''s name anywhere?"


    Aiden shakes his head. "Not that I see."


    I feel the tears finally prick the back of my eyes. I don''t need this. Don''t want this.


    My name might not be out there, but how long until it is?


    I know what it feels like to be the center of media attention, of being talked about


    around town. I can''t do that again.


    I can''t.

 Chapter 198

    Hello, Mother-1


    The next few days are a blur.


    They all mesh together and I can only say that I''ve eaten and gotten out of bed because of Zaid''s careful encouragement.


    I avoid my phone like the gue. I don''t even dare to turn on the T.V., unwilling to see the chaos that''s unfolding online.


    Back in Florida, it was like a wildfire. Once people at my school found out about what happened, it turned for the worst. People would look at me as they whispered in the corners with their friends.


    Some students that I had never even talked to, were doing interviews, or posting videos about how they know the girl that survived that terrible crash. It was a constant reminder that my life had been torn apart.


    I imagine the same will happen here, and it might be worst. There was no doubt that I was a victim in Florida, but when ites to things like this, women have been villianized more than once.


    Zaid, Aiden and Jake have been amodating. They don''t bring it up and I''ve been able to stay in my bubble. They''re attentive physically, their touches taking me out of reality.


    Last night was a good one, and I wake up in our bedroom this morning with satisfaction between my legs. The giant bed swallows me whole and I frown when


    I notice that I''m


    alone.


    The silk nightgown clings to me as I shift, my skin prickling beneath it.


    I hear the water running in the en-suite bathroom. Poking my head in, I find Zaid under the stream, head bowed, hands braced against the tiles. My mouth waters at the sight of his back, his ass, those toned legs.


    I don''t disturb him, though. He''s been beside me non stop and he deserves a moment or


    two to himself. I slip out of the room and head downstairs, needing water.


    As I reach the bottom step, I pause. Jake is standing in front of the TV, shirtless, his back muscles straining, his posture rigid. He''s only wearing sweats, the waistband riding low


    Hello, Mother-1


    on his hips, but it''s the tension rolling off of him that makes my stomach knot.


    I step closer, peering over his shoulder, and my breath catches in my throat. The news is


    1. on.


    A reporter is talking about Mr. Admas, but my gaze is immediately drawn to the screen where Sadie sits across from them, speaking animatedly with a smile on her face. I hear my name before I even fully process the words.


    She''s questioning my honesty. My testimony about what happened that night.


    My breath stutters out of me in a sharp gasp.


    Jake turns at the sound, his expression darkening before he immediately shuts the T.V. off. He moves toward me, cupping my face, his thumbs gently wiping at tears I didn''t realize had spilled.


    "What-" I whisper, but I don''t know how to finish the sentence.


    "I''m sorry, baby," he murmurs, his voice low. "It''s okay. It''ll be okay."


    I shake my head. "I don''t-I can''t-"


    The panic is wing up my throat, threatening to unravel me. I don''t want to fall apart. So I do the only thing I can think of to drown it out. The only thing that has been helping the darkness in my mind.


    I kiss him.


    Jake doesn''t hesitate. He lifts me and walks, setting me on the counter, his hands gripping my thighs as his lips move against mine. I sink into it, into the safety of him, into the way his fingers tangle in my hair, tugging just hard enough to make my body hum with


    distraction.


    He pulls away, looking down at me as he pulls my head back until I''m hissing. "Alina. I don''t think this is a good idea."


    I shake my head, a panic attack on the precipice of my mind. I don''t want to fall apart. ¡°Please. just let me forget for right now, please."

 Chapter 199

    Hello, Mother-2


    He watches as the tears fall down my cheeks.


    "Oh, baby," he mutters. His fingers pinch the spaghetti strap of my nightgown, dropping it down my arm until my right breast is exposed.


    His eyes drop down to my nipple, and he lowers his head. I sigh into him, my skin lighting up when he runs his tongue up and down my skin. A gasp leaves my lips as fire shoots through me.


    Yes, anything to stop my mind from thinking.


    I look down, his dark hair shifting, his lips against me as he sucks my breast into his mouth. He bites down, then soothes with his tongue.


    Every tug from his mouth has me whimpering. Watching him devour my breast is a more erotic sight than I thought possible.


    My breath is a broken mess, and he lifts his head, my skin glistening from his mouth. He runs his thumb up and down my nipple, circling it in deliberate, slow movements.


    "What do you need from me right now, baby?"


    I sigh, lifting my right foot to the counter, bringing my knee up and opening myself wide. My night gown shifts, bunching up at my waist, exposing my wet, needy pussy.


    I don''t care that I''m still sore fromst night.


    I need this.


    His eyes drop down to look at me. It''s a hungry, sweeping look. He doesn''t hesitate, pulling his cock from his pants and setting it right at my entrance.


    When his eyesnd on me, I shake my head. "Not soft. I don''t want tender."


    His nostrils re.


    "Fuck me hard."


    He thrusts into me, and my scream is lodged in my throat. My spine hits the counter from


    Hello, Mother-2


    how hard he''s thrusting into me, his hands holding onto my thighs.


    I drop my elbows back to hold myself up. He''s thrusting hard, my entire body shuddering and moving as he ms into me.


    Then he pulls out, his hand buried in my hair. He pulls tight until tears fall down from the pain. He grabs my hips, tilting me and then thrusts into me again, our chests bumping into each other, his hand on my scalp burning me and his cock lighting up every inch of my body.


    "Jake."


    He moans, deep and needy. "Give it to me, baby."


    He drops a hand to my clit, circling it in hard, fast circles. I roll my hip against his, seeking pleasure like a dog in heat.


    "Fuck," he grunts, his hold on my hair tightening, his fingers on my clit working harder.


    Ie. Screaming into his mouth as he sucks my lips between his teeth. I''m trembling, the adrenaline shooting through me.


    Another defense to stop the breakdown that is inevitablying.


    We breathe into each other,ing down. I didn''t even feel when he came inside me. He pulls out, tucks himself back in his pants, but returns his finger on my nipple, circling it in soft,forting movements.


    The front door opens.


    I hear it, but it doesn''t register. Not at first. I''m so used to Jake, Aiden and Zaid moving about the house. I''ve gotten used to the sound of people moving around me, doesn''t matter if I have a tongue down my throat, or a cock deep inside me.


    It has be my normal.


    So Jake and I don''t move, still entranced by our orgasms, still breathing into each other.


    A sharp, high-pitched gasp cuts through the air.


    Jake and I break apart instantly, my heart mming into my ribs.


    4:43 pm 1


    Hello, Mother-2


    And standing in the doorway, her face twisted in shock and fury, is my mother.

 Chapter 200

    A Terrible Mother


    I stop breathing. I stop feeling.


    It alles crashing back down when I inhale.


    Panic rushes through me. I fumble, my movement stiff and yet fast. I wipe my mouth, adjusting the hem of my nightgown while lifting my strap back to my shoulder.


    The room feels like it''s closing in, suffocating, too bright, too loud.


    My mother starts screaming. Her purse swings through the air, colliding with Jake''s bare shoulder.


    "Get off my daughter, you sick pervert!" she shrieks, hitting him again, her face red with


    rage.


    Jake just takes the hit, steps back and keeps his eyes on her.


    She only gets closer to him, hitting him over and over again. "What the hell do you think you''re doing?"


    "Stop!" I cry, jumping off the counter and raising my hands as if I can physically push back her fury.


    My voice cracks, but she doesn''t stop, doesn''t even hear me. She''s too far gone, her wide,


    frantic eyes darting between me and Jake like she''s witnessing a nightmare.


    "I need to call the cops," she gasps, her fingers scrambling for her phone. "This is disgusting. He needs to be arrested!"


    "No!" The desperation in my voice is raw. "I''m fine. There''s no need for that." Her gaze whips back to me, disbelief stretching her features.


    "You think this is okay?" she spits.


    I shrug. "I wanted this."


    "That man is manipting you, using you." Her voice wavers, but the anger doesn''t fade.


    A Tarde Mother


    Something in me snaps, because I can''t stand the emotions in her eyes


    "You have no right to say that," I say, my voice cold and sharp. "You don''t get to pretend to care now, after everything.¡±


    She flinches.


    "You are a terrible mother. A bitch. A selfish woman." The wordse rushing out before


    I can stop them, before I can swallow them down like I always have.


    She acts like I''ve hit her right across the face. "I lost my son, my husband-"


    I cry, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lost my father! My brother!"


    I can''t breathe. Mother just stares at me, hardening her expression to mask her emotions like she always does.


    "I''ve needed you for the past two years."


    "I needed time-"


    "Bullshit!" I scream. "You weren''t just distant, you were mean. You med me. You drank until you couldn''t even look me in the eye, telling me I was the reason they died. Telling me you wished I was the one that died."


    She blinks, confused, and I want to hit her across the face. "I don''t remember saying any


    of-"


    "Stop. I won''t let you use your alcoholism as an excuse. Fuck you. I don''t need you. Jake


    has cared for me more than you ever have. He''s been here. He''s been constant. You? You only show up when it''s convenient, when it makes you feel better about yourself."


    Her expression changes and she once again looks at me like I''m some deranged stranger. "It would be fine if he cared for you as a father figure, Alina. But he''s not. He''s using you."


    Footsteps thunder down the stairs, and then Zaid is there, his face tight. His gaze flickers between us, taking in my mother''s shaking hands, her clenched jaw, the way she still grips her purse like a weapon.


    He cautiously makes his way toward me, taking my hand in his. I breathe out a sigh of relief, tangling my fingers with his.


    A Terrible Mother


    "What''s going on?" he asks, his voice low, cautious.


    I swallow, pressing my lips tother. "Um. She caught Jake and I- uh-"


    "Fucking on the kitchen counter," my mother finishes for me. "I came here after getting calls and emails from your school about your teacher. I came here to make sure you were okay and I catch her fucking my husband on the kitchen counter."


    I roll my eyes, knowing she''s only using that word to get to me. I''d be surprised if


    she ever thought of him as a husband and not just a money bag.


    Zaid exhales sharply, then moves. He stands between me and my mother.


    Mother''s eyes narrow. "You knew about this?"


    Zaid doesn''t flinch, his eyes on me. "Yes."


    Her nostrils re. "And you think this is normal?"


    He doesn''t even look at her, just shrugs. "Just because something isn''t normal doesn''t


    mean it''s bad."


    She scoffs, shaking her head in disgust. "Well, this is bad. I''m reporting this. I''m going to


    the authorities."


    With that, she turns on her heel and storms out; the door mming behind her. Silence crushes the space she left behind.


    Jake runs a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. "There''s nothing she can do. You''re


    not a minor."


    But I see it. The panic. The worry tightening his features, flickering through his dark eyes before he turns away, heading up the stairs without another word.


    I stay where I am, my body trembling, my heart pounding. Zaid shifts closer, his arms wrapping around me.


    I let myself sink into him, into his quiet strength, pressing my face against his chest as I struggle to breathe. The weight of it all is crushing, suffocating.


    A Terrible Mother


    "What are we going to do?" I whisper, my voice breaking.


    Zaid presses his lips to my hair. "Anything we have to do."


    I close my eyes. "This is all my fault. He could get in trouble, he could lose hispany,


    he could-"


    "Hey," he cups my face and tilts my head back so I face him. "Don''t think about that right now. Take a long, hot shower. I''ll make you some coffee. I''ll talk to Jake, figure out something with your mother."


    I look at him. "You don''t have to do all of that."


    His eyes soften. "I don''t think you truly believe me when I tell you that I belong to


    you."


    My chest expands, and I close my eyes, leaning my forehead against his.


    "What happens to you, happens to me and I will do anything I can to make you smile again. To make you feel safe again."

 Chapter 202

    I''m Done


    The rest of the day passes in a blur while I try my best not to think about my


    mother.


    Of course it doesn''t work. I might not be actively talking about this morning, but it''s in my head, regardless.


    Jake''s still locked away in his office,no sign of him, no word. The only thing we get is a


    text around dinnertime.


    J: Don''t wait for me.


    So we don''t.


    Aiden and I order pizza. We sprawl on the couch, slices on paper tes, a dumb movie


    ying on the T.V.. He''sughing at the screen like it''s any other night. Like nothing''s happened. Like the world hasn''t cracked open beneath my feet.


    I haven''t exactly told him anything, because if I say it out loud, it bes real.l don''t


    want to talk about it. He thinks Zaid is feeling sick and Jake is too busy with work things.


    His hand rests on my thigh, his thumb brushing soft circles against my skin.


    Usually, it''sforting.


    Tonight, it makes my stomach twist.


    I smile at him once when he looks my way, but it feels thin. Fake. It''s a lie I can''t quite


    keep up.


    He fucked me good earlier, and it helped. It numbed me for a while, but now everything is


    rushing back in.


    Heavier. Hotter.


    I feel like I''m suffocating under it. My heart is in my stomach. Everything hurts. I want to


    cry, but there are no tears left. Just this dull, hollow ache echoing in my chest.


    "I''m gonna go check on Zaid," I say quietly, setting my te down.


    Aiden turns to look at me with a soft smile and kind eyes. He leans over and kisses me


    I''m Done


    once, lips brushing mine like nothing''s wrong. Like I''m not bleeding under my skin. "Okay, baby," he says, turning back to the screen.


    I climb the stairs slower than I need to, dragging my fingers along the railing and


    then the wall. My hand trembles when I reach Zaid''s door. I try the knob.


    It''s locked. My heart drops. That tiny click feels like a punch to the chest. He never locks


    1. it.


    I knock, once, twice. Silence follows, and I wonder how angry he is from earlier. "Zaid?"


    The door creaks open a secondter.


    He stands there, face nk. His eyes unreadable. And just like that, he looks like


    he used to before all of this, guarded, distant. Mean.


    He doesn''t say anything. Doesn''t move. Just stares at me like he''s waiting for me to say


    something. He doesn''t even invite me in.


    I rub my arms, suddenly feeling very, very small. "Can we talk?"


    He looks like he''s going to say no, his dark eyes taking me in from my head to my


    toes. I''m shaking at this point. Where is my Zaid? My love?


    He finally gives a stiff nod and steps aside.


    I walk in slowly. The air in his room feels heavier than usual. Books are scattered


    across


    his desk and I know he must''ve been studying.


    The silence between us is thick enough to choke on. I realize I''m going to have to speak


    first.


    "Um, Aiden and I ordered pizza if you''re hungry. There''s still some left over in the


    kitchen-"


    "What do you want, Alina?" he interrupts, sighing.


    I wrap my arms around myself and sigh, licking my lips to prepare myself. "I''m sorry.


    I''m Done


    About earlier."


    My voice is quiet and I lift my eyes to his, finally able to look him in the eyes.


    He nods. Says nothing. Just slides his hands into his pockets and waits.


    "I''ve missed you," I admit.


    That gets a reaction. He frowns. A sh of anger passing through his eyes before he swallows it down with a sigh.


    "I can''t do this," he breathes.


    My blood turns cold. My entire body stiffens. "What?"


    He shakes his head, eyes locking onto mine, and for a second I see it, everything


    he''s feeling. Everything he''s holding back.


    "This isn''t what forever should look like, Alina," he says. "Using sex like a makeshift bandage. Then as a weapon. As a way to show me that you can just walk away when you''re unhappy with me, with a conversation we have."


    My breath catches. "Zaid, that''s not what I was doing-"


    He scoffs, pain shing across his face. "Isn''t it?"


    I open my mouth, but there''s nothing. No words. Just silence.


    "And you know what the most fucked up part is?" He chuckles incredulously.


    I tremble, hating the look on his face.


    "I''m the only one who sees it. Jake and Aiden? They''re happy to take whatever they can get from you. I want to let you do what you want, even if it''s giving them what they want. But I see you, Alina. I see what this is doing to you. It''s killing you, slowly. Shoving everything down, pretending like you''re fine? That''s not what I want our forever to look


    like."


    Tears start streaming down my face.


    He steps closer, his voice breaking. "And I see it because I know you better than anyone."


    I''m Done


    I want to scream. I want to yell that he doesn''t understand, but he does. He does. He sees right through me.


    Zaid closes the distance, his handing up to gently cup my chin. He tilts my face until I''m forced to meet his eyes.


    "My heart is yours," he whispers. "But that doesn''t mean you get to trample on it."


    I shake my head. "That''s not what I meant to do."


    His face drops, pain etched into his dark eyes. "And because my heart is yours, I can''t keep standing here watching you destroy yourself."


    My throat tightens. "W-what are you saying?"


    His eyes glisten, and he blinks hard, like he''s trying to stop the tears. "I''m saying


    I''m


    done."


    It''s barely a whisper. But it rips through me like a scream.


    "No," I breathe.


    "I love you too much to be another reason you lose yourself."


    He lets go of my chin, stepping back, arms limp at his sides like it took everything


    he had to say those words. And I stand there, frozen. Feeling like the ground just dropped out from under me

 Chapter 203

    Gossip-1


    My heart breaks.


    Not figuratively. At least it doesn''t feel like that. It feels physical. Like my heart is actually cracked open, filling me with blood.


    Not poetic, like how people describe it in movies.


    It''s loud in my head. It shatters, devastating and brutal. I can feel it tear open in my chest, like something vital inside me just split apart. Like I''m losing a part of myself all over again.


    Losing my family was one thing, they were ripped from, taken from me. I couldn''t fight for them, I couldn''t see them.


    But Zaid?


    He''s standing right in front of me and still slipping through my fingers.


    "No," I whisper, my voice broken, my knees shaking.


    I stumble back a step, vision blurring. The world around me bends, spinning slightly as the reality of it crashes down on me.


    Zaid''s still looking at me with all that love in his eyes, but he''s letting me go. Tears spill down my cheeks, hot and endless. My throat clenches so tightly it hurts to breathe. The


    ache in my chest blooms into agony and I can''t stop it; I break.


    My knees buckle.


    Zaid catches me before I hit the floor.


    He sinks with me, arms wrapping around me as I copse against him, gasping like I''m drowning. Because that''s what it feels like. Like the oxygen has been ripped out of the world and I can''t find any to pull into my lungs.


    "Breathe,¡± he whispers, holding my cheeks. "Alina, breathe, my love, please."


    I clutch at his shirt, fisting the fabric like it''s the only thing tethering me to this world.


    Gossip 1


    My sobs are violent, shaking through my entire body.


    "Please..." I gasp. "Please don''t do this. I''ll change... I''ll get better. I swear, I''ll try harder. Just stay. Please, Zaid. Don''t go. Don''t let go of me."


    His jaw tightens as he looks down at me, eyes filled with more pain than I can stand to see. "We''ll find our way back to each other. We will. I love you, Alina. I love you so much."


    He swallows, brushing his thumb under my eye as another tear falls. "But if I need to step away for you to find yourself again, then I''ll do that."


    "I can''t find myself without you," I whisper.


    He smiles softly, sadly, cupping my face with both hands. His thumbs sweep over my cheeks like he''s trying to memorize me. "I don''t want that for you."


    Oh god, I can''t breathe.


    "I don''t want to be your crutch. I see you, Alina. I see your value, your strength, your brilliance. But if you can''t see it, then I need to step back so you can find it on your own."


    I lean forward, desperate, searching his face for something to hold on to. I press my lips to his, needing the connection, needing the hope that maybe he''s still mine.


    But he stops me.


    "No, Alina" he whispers, his voice breaking. He shakes his head and pulls back, barely.


    The way he says my name shatters me all over again.


    "I''ll be here for you, as a friend. Only as a friend."


    I crumble again. My face buries into his neck as I calm my breathing, my arms tightening around him like I can somehow fuse us together, keep him here.


    "I feel like nothing will make sense without you," I whisper.


    He holds me through it. He doesn''t speak. Just rocks me gently, fingers in my hair, lips pressed to my temple.


    And eventually, when the tears take everything from me, when exhaustion makes my body


    Gossip 1


    heavy and numb, I fall asleep in his arms,


    I don''t know how long he holds me, but when I wake up the next morning, I''m in


    my


    room. Alone.


    The bed is too cold. The air is too still. The house is too quiet.


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 Chapter 204

    Gossip-2


    And as the memories of everythinge crashing back into me, I curl into myself and sob, knowing I can''t findfort in Zaid''s arms.


    And nothing hurts more than that.


    I don''t know how long I stay like that. My body aches from staying in the same position all day. I''ve cried so much that my eyes burn and my head pounds.


    I wipe at my face with the same sleeve I''ve been using all day. It''s damp, crusted with tears. My hair is a tangled mess on my pillow, and my chest feels like it''s caved in. My heart doesn''t beat right anymore. It just kind of stutters.


    A high-pitched voice, loud and unmistakably dramatic, cuts through the thick silence of the house. My brows draw together.


    "I''m fucking seeing her, Zaid!"


    I sit up slowly, blinking in disbelief.


    "Nikki?" I whisper to myself, heart pounding in my chest.


    The voice gets closer and before I can even fully register what''s happening, the door to


    my room whips open. Nikki steps inside in all her chaotic glory. She''s carrying a small tray filled with food and a tumbler.


    She rolls her eyes. "Zaid was heading up here with this, but I told him I would give it to


    you."


    My breath catches, and I detonate all over again.


    A sob tears out of my throat as my entire body folds forward, and Nikki''s already rushing to me, setting the tray down and climbing onto my bed and pulling me into her arms like she knew all along I was seconds frompletely falling apart.


    Eventually, the storm inside me quiets just enough.


    I lean back, face blotchy and sore, my voice barely a whisper. "Why are you here?"


    Gossip-2


    She lifts an eyebrow and pulls out her phone. "Have you even looked online in thest twelve hours?"


    I blink at her. "No."


    "Probably for the best. People are fucking insane."


    My stomach twists.


    "But I''m telling you, anyway. Because you should know."


    She opens something and starts scrolling. "People are talking about everything, Alina. Your name''s all over the ce, all over gossip ounts, everywhere."


    My chest tightens. "What do you mean, everything?"


    "The Mr. Admas story blew up," she says, eyes narrowing. "Which would be good, right? Man''s a pervert. Except people suck. They''re saying you made it up. That you seduced him, then turned on him when he wouldn''t y house with you."


    Nausea creeps up my throat.


    "That''s not even the worst of it. Someone leaked everything about you and Jake, Aiden, and Zaid. Some sick online ''tea page'' got ahold of it and twisted the whole thing. People are calling you maniptive, saying you were sleeping with all of them to get your way. Who even said anything?"


    I stare at her, heart crawling into my throat. "Probably my mother."


    Her jaw drops open. "Okay, what the fuck?"


    "Yeah." I catch my breath for a moment and tell her the shitshow that happened yesterday.


    She says nothing, just watches me with her mouth wide open. You know it''s bad when she has nothing to say.


    "I''m sorry," Nikki says quickly after too much silence.


    Tears brim again, but this time they don''te out in gasps. They just fall. Soft, steady, hopeless.


    Gossip-2


    "I didn''t ask for any of this," I whisper.


    "I know, it''s so fucked up," Nikki says, reaching for my hand.


    I pull away, curling in on myself. "Zaid broke up with me."


    The silence that follows is heavy. Nikki stares at me, jaw clenched, and slowly


    reaches out again, pulling me into her chest. "Oh, Alina."


    I tell her everything, everything he said and how we left things.


    And not when I whisper that I''m scared no one will ever see me for anything other than


    the mess the world turned me into; she just holds me tighter.

 Chapter 205

    How Does It Feel?-1


    Nikki left a few hours ago. Sitting in my silence, in my thoughts, is making me go insane.


    I sigh, turning my head, and then I see the tray on my desk. My breath catches, and I reach for it, cing it on myp on the bed.


    There''s a little sticky note beside the drink and my heart drops down to my stomach. Zaid''s handwriting is scribbled across the note.


    You haven''t eaten. Please, love.


    My chest lurches painfully. Why does e care? Why is he doing this if he just ripped my


    heart out?


    I poke at the food half-heartedly at first. But one bite turns into two, then three, and


    suddenly I''m scarfing it down like I haven''t eaten in days.


    Damn, I''m hungry. Starving.


    The warmth of it settles in my belly, and then I''m too full to eat more.


    There''s a knock at my door.


    I drag myself out of bed with more effort than it should take. My legs are weak, stiff from


    being curled up for too long, and my head throbs with the ache of dehydration and


    exhaustion.


    What if it''s Zaid? What do I say to him? What will he say to me?


    My soul feels like it''s been turned inside out. I hate feeling on edge like this; is this what


    it''s going to be like for now?


    But the knockes again, gentler this time.


    When I open the door, Aiden stands there, arms crossed, brow furrowed. He looks tired


    too, He tries to smile at me, but ites out forced. I look over his shoulder to see if Zaid


    is there, or Jake. He''s alone.


    His eyes watch me for a second before he speaks. "Why didn''t you tell me?"


    How Does It Feel?-1


    My mouth opens, but no wordse.


    He shifts his weight. "About your mom. About Jake. Everything. I had to hear it from Nikki. I had to see it on social media. Why didn''t you tell me? We were together all


    afternoon."


    I shrug, the guilt climbing my throat like bile. "I just, I wanted to feel normal. For thest time. Before everything exploded."


    The moment the words leave my mouth, I hate them. I see it in his face, the sh of pain, the hurt. God, how selfish am I?


    I shake my head. "I didn''t mean to hide it. I wasn''t trying to, I just thought it''d be easier.


    For you. For me. For everyone."


    Aiden''s lips press into a thin line. "It wasn''t easier for me having to hear it from Nikki."


    I grimace.


    "She thought I knew."


    I swallow, nodding. "I should have told you."


    "Yeah, but that''s not new in our rtionship, is it?" He sighs, shaking his head.


    "The cops are downstairs. They want to talk to you."


    "What?" My stomach drops. "Cops?"


    He nods. "Two detectives. Your mom''s here too. With Jake."


    I push past him without another word.


    Rage builds up in me as I descend the stairs. Sure enough, there they are two detectives in rumpled button-ups, standing in our living room. One of them wears a thick pair of


    sses, but they''re otherwise pretty identical. No one''s talking, the silence awkward and


    tense.


    My mother stands nearby, looking at Jake with a horrid expression, like she''s there to


    protect me from the bad man.


    Jake stands there like a damn statue.


    How Does It Feel?-1


    Aiden walks away from me; he doesn''t stand near me like Zaid always does when


    he knows I need more support. It kills me.


    "You wanted to talk to me?" I say to the detectives.


    The one without the sses looks at me, giving me an awkward wave and a smile. "You''re


    Ms. Hanson?"


    I nod, folding my arms across my chest.


    "Well, I''m Detective Marcus Dney and this is my partner, Detective Joel Hartman."


    I say nothing.


    "Just had a few questions," he says. "Trying to understand what''s going on here."

 Chapter 206

    How Does It Feel?-2


    "Nothing''s going on here."


    Joel frowns and looks at my mother. "Your mother called us on allegations of grooming


    and domestic abuse."


    I snort. "My mother?"


    The detectives look at eath other like I''m the insane one here.


    "You know she''s been in Italy for the past three months."


    Marcus takes in a slow breath and jots something down on his notepad.


    "You know she''s an alcoholic, too, right?"


    They keep their expressions still. Jake shifts, looking at me with curious eyes. Aiden wants to smile, but he''s holding it back. My mother, however, does not stay quiet.


    She smiles sweetly at Joel. "Oh, these kids. They don''t know much."


    Marcus shoots her a questioning re. "In my two decades on this job, I''ve rarely found


    that to be true, Mrs. Matthews."


    I bite down, keeping my eyes on the detectives. "I''m not a child. I''m a legal adult. I have been ever since we stepped foot in Arizona.¡±


    The two men shift, clearly ufortable.


    "Well, this sounds a bit messy. I''m not entirely sure why we''re here," Joel mutters.


    I give a bitterugh. "Yeah. A messy life isn''t a crime, though. Is it?"


    They look at each other. Marcus sighs. "Look, from what we can tell, there''s no reportable offense here. No signs of abuse. No assault."


    My mother scoffs, stepping closer to the detectives. "He''s fucking my daughter! My husband is fucking my daughter!"


    Joel and Marcus turn to Jake, then to me. Joel is the first to speak. "Ma''am, you have a


    How Does It Feel?-2


    cheating husband and a messed up rtionship with your daughter. There''s really not much we can do."


    Jake shifts ufortably but says nothing, of course.


    I cross my arms tighter.


    Marcus reaches for me, a card in his hand. "I''ll leave you our card. If anything changes, let me know. But right now, there''s just nothing criminal here."


    They leave a few momentster. The door clicks shut behind them, and the silence they


    leave in their wake feels too loud.


    "You maniptive, heartless bastard!" She screams.


    Jake doesn''t flinch. He just sighs.


    "I want a divorce!" she shrieks, pointing a shaking finger at him.


    Jake doesn''t even look at her. He shrugs. "Of course we''re getting a fucking divorce. But we signed a prenup, Diana. You''re not getting a cent."


    Tears spring to her eyes instantly, and I see the moment she realizes it''s over. She won''t


    be able to lounge her time away in Italy anymore. She turns to me and I see a sh of


    pain, but it doesn''t look like losing me in this means that much to her.


    "How does it feel?" she spits. "To be with a man who married your mother just to trap you


    in his house?"


    My stomach twists, bile rising in my throat. I''ve always known that to be partly true, so


    why is it hurting so much now?


    She looks back at Jake with a shake of her head. "That''s disgusting."


    I want tough at her, but that would only make her act more the victim. "Get the


    fuck


    out."


    Her eyes widen. She storms off, the front door mming behind her.


    "Is that true?"


    How Does It Feel?-2


    I whip around. Zaid is standing halfway down the stairs, arms crossed, eyes pinned to Jake.


    Jake doesn''t say anything.


    Zaid takes a step down. "I always knew the marriage was for convenience. I thought it was something the board pushed on you. They wanted a respectable image. A family man. But it wasn''t for thepany, was it? You married her to be closer to Alina?"


    The silence that follows is louder than the screams my mother made.


    Jake doesn''t deny it. Doesn''t exin. He just looks at Zaid.


    My heart breaks all over again.


    I can''t bear it. I run.

 Chapter 207

    Needing You Turned Into an Obsession


    I don''t remember running up the stairs. My feet move on their own, mming against the


    hardwood.


    I was suffocating down there. I was struggling to stand.


    Zaid''s words still ring in my ears. The faces of the detectives as they looked at Jake when my mother told them what he was doing. The judgment in their eyes they couldn''t quite


    hide.


    The rage in my mother''s voice was nothing new, but her disgust at Jake was scarring.


    Jake, who married my mother for me.


    My chest caves in around my heart, everything tightening until I can''t breathe. I stumble into my room, fisting the doorknob, ready to shut out the world and scream into my pillow until I pass out from the blinding headache.


    But the door doesn''t close. I hear a string of words, and then a foot ms into the crack,


    stopping it from shutting.


    "Don''t," I whisper, backing away just as the door creaks open again. I expect it to be Zaid,


    but he is thest person I want to see right now.


    Thest person I want to see me in my shame. But it''s not him.


    Jake steps in, his face filled with regret. His eyes drink me in, like he''s trying to assess the


    damage.


    "Shit, baby," he breathes, his shoulders dropping, his voice raw. "I''m sorry."


    I don''t hesitate. I crash into him, my body colliding with his like it''s muscle memory. I bury my face into his chest and sob, ugly, shaking, breath stealing sobs.


    I don''t care what Zaid said. I don''t care that it''s wrong or twisted or that the world might never understand. I ignored the red gs because being him felt good; losing myself to him in the car that first time made me feel something.


    I wanted it.


    Needing You Turned Into an Obsession


    "I''m sorry," I choke out, my fingers curling into his shirt. "I didn''t mean for it to get this far. I didn''t mean for the cops to show up. This is all my fault."


    Jake''s arms wrap around me instantly, pulling me into him like he''s trying to shield me from all of it. He kisses the top of my head, lingering there like it hurts to pull away.


    "No," he says firmly. "You have nothing to apologize for. This is on me. I should''ve stayed away. I should''ve, fuck, Alina. I should''ve known better."


    I shake my head, jerking back just enough to look up at him, my grip still tight on his shirt.


    "Don''t say that. I don''t regret this. I don''t regret you. Not us," I shake my head.


    His jaw clenches hard, his eyes flickering with something soft and sad. "The best thing I can do for you is take a step back."


    My heart stutters. Just a little. It doesn''t skip entirely. The thought of losing him isn''t as painful as losing Zaid. Jake can''t break me any more than Zaid can.


    "I don''t want you to. Please."


    His brows pinch, like he''s struggling, like he wants to believe me but doesn''t know how to forgive himself for this, like he doesn''t know how we can move on. Then,


    like he can''t help himself, he leans in, brushing his lips against mine.


    The kiss is soft, too soft, like goodbye is buried somewhere in it.


    His lips leave mine, and the room feels colder for it.


    I''m still catching my breath, my fingers tangled in the fabric of his shirt, my pulse roaring in my ears.


    I want to kiss him again.


    I want to drown in the feeling of him, of us, but something shifts in his eyes. The kiss stole something from him, or maybe it gave him the courage to finally speak.


    Jake takes a step back, his thumb brushing along the edge of my jaw. And then he exhales, like he''s been holding it in for years.


    Needing You Turned Into an Obsession


    "I know I''m in the wrong," he says quietly.


    I blink, my stomach twisting.


    He doesn''t stop.


    "I''m in my forties," he says with a crooked, bitter smile, "and you''re eighteen. You''re just starting your life, Alina. You should be worried about college or falling in love for the first time. Not this. Not me."


    I should interrupt him. Tell him he is who I want. But my voice gets caught somewhere between my heart and my throat.


    "When I met you, it was like a breath of fresh air. Like I could breathe again after years of feeling like everything was just gray. You reminded me that my life wasn''t over. That there was still something out there that could make me feel young again."


    My skin prickles, goosebumps everywhere. My arms. My legs. Even the back of my neck.


    Jake notices, his eyes flicking there, like it only confirms what he''s already feeling. But he doesn''t touch me. He''s holding himself back.


    "I shouldn''t have let it grow," he murmurs. "Wanting you became needing you. And needing you turned into an obsession. I watched myself lose control, and I didn''t stop. I should have stopped."


    Tears sting the back of my eyes. I don''t know if they''re mine or his or both of ours.


    "I''ve been doing a lot of thinking ever since Diana came back into town. Trying to pull this apart, trying to figure out where I crossed the line. But the truth is, I crossed it the moment I met you."


    I take a breath, but it doesn''t go down all the way.


    "I know I''m wrong," Jake says again. "I know this is messed up. I know I shouldn''t


    want you like this. That I shouldn''t have let it happen. That I shouldn''t have married your


    fucking mother to get close to you.''


    6697


    My voice trembles when I speak. "How wrong can it be if it feels this good?"


    He freezes.


    Needing You Turned Into an Obsession


    I step closer, because I can''t stay away, because I don''t want to. "I know this isn''t normal. I know people would be taken about if they found out. But I have feelings for you. Real ones. I think I''ve had them for a long time."


    His jaw tightens, eyes searching mine like he''s looking for something that''ll convince him this isn''t a dream.


    I whisper, ¡°I don''t want to stop this either."


    He groans low in his throat, dragging a hand down his face like he''s trying to physically resist me. "You''re going to be the death of me, baby."


    He pulls me in again, pressing his forehead to mine. His hands shake slightly as they wrap around my waist, and his lips brush against mine once more, gentle.


    "I came in here with the resolve to end this, and you have me changing my mind."


    I ignore that, not wanting to bring the conversation back around. "Will you stay with me?"


    Jake nods, brushing his thumb across my cheek.


    I don''t answer. I just take his hand and pull him to my bed. He lies beside me


    without question, his arm sliding around my waist.


    He falls asleep before I do.


    I don''t fall asleep at all.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 208

    Wishing He Stayed-1


    It''s midnight.


    The numbers from my phone stare back at me, mocking me. I sigh, closing my eyes for a beat too long. When they pulse, I open them again.


    I should be asleep. Jake definitely is, with his arm over my waist, his breath slow and even against the back of my neck. Usually, that would beforting enough for me to get me sleeping.


    But I''m wired. Eyes wide open, heart thudding like it''s trying to beat its way out of my chest.


    I sigh softly and shift onto my back, careful not to wake him. The conversation from earlier reys in my mind like a song I can''t stop humming.


    The way he looked at me.


    The way his voice cracked when he said he shouldn''t have let it be what it


    is.


    Obsession.


    That word sits heavy in my stomach.


    I nce down at him. His face is peaceful in sleep, softened by the darkness. There are creases around his eyes, lines that have deepened over time. Smile lines, frown lines, little marks from the years he''s lived.


    I trace one of them with my gaze and feel something twist in my chest.


    He''s beautiful. In a way that has nothing to do with youth or perfection. He''s real. Tangible. Warm. But still, I wonder if I''m the crazy one here.


    Is this wrong?


    Will I look back years from now and see myself as a na?ve, desperate girl who clung to something she shouldn''t have? Who reached out for love in all the wrong ces?


    I breathe out and shake my head. No. I won''t regret this. Not Jake. Not Zaid. Not Aiden.


    Wishing He Stayed-1


    Gently, I lift Jake''s arm from around me and slide out of bed. He stirs but doesn''t wake. I make my way downstairs, my bare feet silent against the wooden steps.


    The kitchen is dark except for the faint light from the stove clock. I open the freezer and scowl when I see it''s empty. No ice cream.


    I chew the inside of my cheek for a second before making up my mind. It''s not thatte. The gas station down the street is still open. I grab my phone and slip outside without thinking too hard about it.


    The night air is crisp and cool, brushing against my skin as I walk down the street.


    The store is nearly empty. I make a beeline for the freezer section and grab a pint of cookie dough. Comfort food. An emotional life raft disguised in delicious calories.


    The bell above the door jingles as I walk out, and I''m halfway down the sidewalk when I hearughter.


    Too familiar. I stop.


    A group of people round the corner. They''re huddled together, loud and obnoxious. My heart lurches in my chest and my throat tightens.


    It''s Sadie. Of course it''s Sadie. She''s standing there with two other girls, Will, and


    three guys I don''t recognize. I take a step back, hoping they don''t notice me.


    But of course, if everything else is falling apart, why would tonight go smooth? Sadie stops the group, her jaw dropping in mock surprise.


    "Oh


    my god, look who it is," she sneers loud enough for the whole block to hear. Everyone stops their conversations, turning to me with raised eyebrows and disgusted


    eyes.


    "Little Miss Daddy Issues herself."


    The words hit like ps.


    Sadie steps closer. "So tell me, did you beg Mr. Adams for it? Or did you ask nicely? Either way, you shouldn''t have been surprised that he rejected you."


    Wishing He Staved-1


    I try to push past them, but Sadie shoves at my shoulder just enough to make me stumble. My ice cream falls to the sidewalk with a soft thud.


    Herughter is sharp, and her friends immediately turn, their snickers joining hers


    as


    they circle me like vultures. "How loose are you down there?"


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 209

    Wishing He stayed-2


    I grimace, trying to find an opening to escape them.


    "Really, how easy do you have to be to let three guys take you all at once?"


    My eyes burn. I clench my fists, trembling all over.


    "Slut," one of the other girl mutters.


    "Pathetic little whore," Sadie sneers. "Fucking your way into being noticed. It''s gross."


    They don''t know anything. They don''t know me. I repeat the words like a manta.


    Still, the shame curls inside me like smoke. I blink rapidly, tears slipping down my cheeks.


    "Seriously, do you just bounce between their beds like some pathetic little parasite?" the same girl snorts. "It''s giving desperate."


    Will, standing behind Sadie with a half eaten te of chili cheese fries, chuckles darkly.


    "Maybe she''s just hungry for something else."


    Then, before I can move, react, or even blink, Sadie grabs the te and flings it right at


    2


    1. me.


    The fries, cheese, and sauce stter across my chest and stomach, staining my shirt. I


    look down with my mouth open in shock.


    Laughter erupts from the group.


    "Oh shit,¡± Sadieughs, grabbing her stomach, "that color looks great on you."


    I drop to my knees on the sidewalk, grabbing the now dented ice cream with shaking fingers. My breathse shallow, and I wipe at my face, swallowing around the lump in my throat.


    By the time I walk back through the front door, I''m shaking.


    The cold air hasn''t helped. Neither did the walk. The smell of my shirt makes my stomach turn. My cheeks are still wet, and even though the tears have slowed, my heart hasn''t.


    Wishing He Stayed-2


    I shut the door behind me quietly, but the soft clink of something from the kitchen stops


    1. me.


    "Alina?"


    I freeze. It''s Zaid. He steps into view, a sandwich in one hand, his brows furrowing the second his eyes meet mine.


    "Fuck, what happened?" His voice drops, tense and urgent as he rushes to me, his sandwich forgotten on the counter.


    He takes the dented ice cream from my hand and sets it down gently. "Are you okay? Who did this?"


    I try to speak, but the words stick. My lips tremble, and I shake my head.


    "I''m okay," I whisper, even though I''m not. "Can you just, can you get Aiden? Please?"


    His expression falters. "Aiden''s asleep, love."


    The wording from his lips makes me nauseous.


    Zaid moves closer. "I can still be here for you, Alina."


    I blink fast as more tears threaten to fall, but Zaid doesn''t press. He just starts to help


    me, careful and patient. He peels off my shirt slowly, guiding my arms up, making


    sure


    the mess doesn''t get into my hair. His touch is gentle, so gentle it almost undoes


    me.


    ¡°There,¡± he says softly, and my breath hitches at the way his eyes trace over my


    tear


    stricken face. His jaw tightens, like it''s taking everything in him not to say what he''s thinking.


    He ces a hand on the small of my back and leads me upstairs. The house is quiet, the world muted, except for the pounding in my ears.


    When we get to the bathroom, he turns on the shower for me, testing the water with his


    hand until it''s just right.


    "I''ll put your ice cream in the freezer," he says. "So it''s waiting for you when you''re


    done."


    Wishing He Stayed-2


    I nod absently, even though all I want to do is ask him to stay.


    I just watch him leave, the soft click of the door louder than it should be.


    And I stand there in the steam, wishing his arms were still around me, wishing he would kiss me. Wishing he stayed.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 210

    Letting Go of the Noise


    The shower doesn''t help.


    I stay under the hot spray until my fingers wrinkle, until the smell of chili and french fries is long gone. My skin is pink from the hot water, but my nerves are still on fire. My heart hasn''t stopped hammering in my chest, regardless of how much I try to calm my


    breathing.


    The shame won''t rinse off. The cruel words still echo loud in my ears.


    Whore. Slut. Desperate.


    I tug on a clean set of pajamas and twist my wet hair into a towel. I''m so tired, but I know


    I won''t be able to sleep like this. Not with my chest feeling like it''s full of shattered ss. Not with my stomach still turning.


    Might as well get my stupid ice cream.


    I make my way down the hallway quietly, heading to the kitchen. The house is mostly dark, but Zaid has turned on the warm under cab lights, casting a soft golden glow across the counters.


    Zaid''s sitting at the ind, hunched over his sandwich. He hasn''t taken a bite, he''s sort of just staring at it.


    His eyes lift when I walk in, and I don''t miss the way they flick down my body in a slow, heated, lingering gaze. It''s just a second too long.


    I feel it like a spark against my skin. But then he blinks, clears his throat, and pushes back his stool, standing up. I''m left with my stomach tightening and my breath shallow.


    He walks over to the fridge, opening the freezer and reaches into it. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"


    He pulls out the dented pint of ice cream and grabs a spoon without needing to ask me.


    I sit on a stool with a sigh, resting my elbows on the counter. "Sadie happened." He pauses. His jaw ticks.


    Letting Go of the Noise


    "Of course she did," he mutters, opening the cab for a bowl. "She''s a bitch."


    The hatred in his voice makes me bristle, sending my skin into a mess of goosebumps.


    He exhales, leans his head back against the cab like the weight of everything suddenly hits him. "I''m sorry, you know? For everything. For taking her to the rehearsal dinner. That was shitty."


    I blink at him. He''s apologized for it before, but never so bluntly.


    It''s kind, it is, but it''s not what I want. Not what I need.


    "I don''t care about Sadie," I say softly.


    He swallows hard, but doesn''t say anything right away. Just gives me the bowl and sits down beside me, eating his sandwich.


    I watch him for a minute. His strong profile, the tired way his shoulders slope. The


    little raven inked just behind his ear that I know by heart. The one I used to kiss.


    My stomach twists. I want him. More than ice cream. More thante nightfort. More than just friends.


    I clear my throat, trying to push the ache away.


    "Couldn''t sleep?" I ask, my voice quieter now.


    He stops chewing. His eyes flick to mine, and they''re darker than before. Sadder.


    "I haven''t really slept at all since, umm," he says, then pauses.


    He doesn''t finish the sentence.


    He doesn''t have to.


    I know exactly what he means.


    And it hurts.


    We sit in silence, and when he finishes his sandwich, he still doesn''t get up. I finish thest spoonful of ice cream slowly, letting my spoon fall down with a nk.


    Letting Go of the Noise


    I quietly slide off the stool and walk to the sink, rinsing my bowl. The entire time I can feel Zaid''s eyes on me, watching.


    My body lights up. My heart hammers. They don''t listen to the logic my brain is trying so hard tomunicate.


    I turn to him, but can''t find the courage to life my eyes to his.


    "Thank you," I whisper, before slipping out of the kitchen.


    My footsteps are light on the stairs, the house hushed and still. I reach my room


    and slip inside, the door clicking shut behind me.


    Jake''s still lying there, turned toward my side of the bed, chest rising and falling in


    a steady rhythm. I peel back the covers and slide in beside him, careful not to jostle him too much.


    I reach for his arm, gently pulling it back around my waist, needing the weight of it,


    the warmth of him. Just the touch of him.


    But as soon as his arm drapes around me, he stirs.


    "Alina?" he mumbles, voice groggy and thick with sleep.


    "Shhh," I whisper, stroking his forearm. "Go back to sleep."


    But he doesn''t.


    Instead, he shifts closer, his chest pressing into my back. "Have you slept at all?¡±


    I shake my head. "No."


    "You can''t sleep?" He murmurs against the shell of my ear.


    I sigh. "No, my brain is doing too much thinking."


    He breathes slowly, then a kiss, soft, pressed just beneath my jaw.


    His voice drops low, sending goosebumps across my skin. "I can help with that."


    1 suck in a breath as he shifts, his hand sliding down my waist, guiding me onto my back.


    Letting Go of the Noise


    His body fits between my legs, his mouth trailing over my neck with soft kisses. I moan when he presses his tongue to my skin.


    He''s hard and I feel it, hot and thick on my thigh.


    My head is spinning, thoughts threatening to surface,Zaid''s eyes, Sadie''s words,


    the ache in my heart, but I force them all back.


    I let myself forget.


    Forget the shame. Forget the guilt. Forget the ache that''s been following me like a shadow.


    Right now, it''s just Jake.


    Just his hands on my skin, his mouth iming mine, his body keeping me in the present. I


    can forget about everything else.


    I can let go. I can float.


    For a little while, I let the world fall away.

 Chapter 211

    All or Nothing-1


    I wake up alone.


    I blink at the sunlight filtering in through my window and I''m surprised that I fell asleep. When I shift, I feel how sore I am. Not in a bad way. Jake helped me fall asleepst night, and that was what I needed.


    The silence settles over me. Though my heart doesn''t feel as frantic asst night, my mind is still a whirlwind. Fuck, I don''t want to think.


    I roll out of bed, pulling on an oversized shirt that was lying on my chair and heading downstairs. The faint sound of whispering reaches me before I hit the bottom step.


    I frown and slow down, my bare feet making almost no sound against the wood. When I


    peek around the corner, I see Jake, Aiden, and Zaid huddled around the kitchen ind like


    they''re plotting something.


    They go silent the second they see me.


    Zaid has his arms crossed on his chest, far from Jake. I can feel the tension between them, but I refuse to acknowledge the reason behind that.


    The air tightens, and I feel it settle in my chest like a stone.


    "What''s going on?" I ask slowly, my gaze moving between the three of them. I know that look, the guilt and tension all tangled together.


    Jake motions toward the living room. "Let''s sit down for a second."


    Now I''m really nervous. A rock settles in my chest as I follow Jake. I sit down on the couch, hugging my knees. Jake and Aiden sit in front of me while Zaid takes the seat on


    the other side of the couch.


    Jake clears his throat. "Zaid told us what happenedst night."


    I freeze. The words make me feel cold. I wrap my arms tighter around myself. Thest thing I want is a reminder.


    "He did?" I shift.


    Aiden stands, sitting beside me. His hand brushes my arm gently, thumb stroking my skin like he''s not sure if I want him to touch me.


    "I''m okay," I whisper, even though I''m not. He keeps his hand on me and I lean into it.


    Jake looks at me, serious. "We should think about maybe moving you out of here."


    My heart skips. "What? What do you mean?"


    Jake''s voice is calm, but heavy. "To another city. Another state if you want. Somewhere far away."


    My vision blurs. "I don''t want to move."


    He frowns at that and Aiden sighs. "Why not? Things will only get worse if you stay here. The media aren''t letting this go."


    Jake nods, agreeing. "The board is also going after Everything''s all over the ce."


    me,


    demanding my retirement.


    I turn to Zaid, who is watching me, saying nothing. "You agree with this?"


    He gives a stiff nod. "Things likest night can happen again."


    I shake my head, panic curling in my chest. "I don''t want to leave any of you."


    Jake frowns, thrown back as if he''s confused. "We would leave with you, baby. I would have to stay here until things are settled with your mother. And the board."


    Aiden sighs. "And I have to finish school."


    Jake''s gaze shifts to Zaid. "So you and Zaid can go first. Find a house. We''ll join you when


    we can."


    I look at Zaid sharply. My voice shakes as I turn my eyes back to Jake and Aiden. "Did he tell you he broke up with me?"


    Their heads snap toward Zaid. Jake narrows his eyes. "Wait what?"


    "You didn''t tell me that," Aiden says, looking shocked.


    All or Nothing-1


    Zaid doesn''t flinch. He just rubs a hand down his face and exhales. "Because it doesn''t change anything. I''ll still go with her."


    Aiden scoffs and shakes his head. "This doesn''t make any sense. I thought you two-"


    "Yeah," I cut in, my voice sharp. "Me too."


    I don''t give them a chance to say more. I get up and walk out the back door,


    needing air, needing space, needing something that doesn''t feel like it''s slipping through my fingers.


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 Chapter 212

    All or Nothing-2


    The morning air is warm as I copse into one of the patio chairs, curling my


    knees to my chest. I bite down on the inside of my cheek, willing myself not to cry. Thest thing I want is for any of them toe out here and see me like this.


    To see how much it''s tearing me apart.


    The door creaks, and it''s Aiden that''s making his way toward me.


    He doesn''t say anything at first. He just walks over, sits beside me, and without


    asking, pulls me gently onto hisp. His arms wrap around my waist.


    "I''m sorry," he whispers into my hair, his lips brushing my forehead.


    I let myself fall into the warmth of him.


    "I didn''t know he broke up with you," he murmurs.


    I shake my head. "It just happened."


    "Why?" He tightens his arms around me.


    I close my eyes, swallowing against the knot in my throat. "Zaid thinks I''m using


    you all to ignore what''s going on in my life."


    Aiden''s breath slows, and I can feel the way his muscles tense under me.


    "We were in the middle of something. He asked me to wait before we...before we


    got intimate again. He said we needed to talk first. That I needed to deal with things a bit and


    not bury myself in distractions."


    Aiden doesn''t say anything, but I feel the subtle shift in his breathing. He''s listening hard


    now, the way he always does when something matters.


    "I didn''t want to talk," I whisper. "I didn''t want to think. I pushed. He pulled back.


    He said no, and I got upset. I left. And I went to you."


    The silence that follows is so thick it feels like it''s pushing down on my chest.


    "I knew what I was doing. I knew it would hurt him. But in that moment, I just didn''t


    want to feel."


    Aiden exhales slowly, like he''s trying to breathe around something sharp. He shifts me just enough that I can see his face. His eyes are soft, but there''s something wounded in them, too.


    When he finally speaks, his voice is low. Careful. "And I let you."


    "No," I whisper. "You didn''t do anything wrong. You were just being you. You didn''t know."


    "But I didn''t ask why you were upset." He exhales, the sound rough. "I didn''t stop to think about what you were running from."


    My throat tightens.


    "He''s right, isn''t he?" Aiden murmurs. ¡°Zaid. You use it to hide. You use sex to make yourself feel better?"


    I swallow the lump and my throat and nod. "I think so, but it''s not just that. I love you, I do."


    Aiden pulls me in closer. "I know you do, but he''s right."


    I grimace. "By breaking up with me?"


    He smiles. "He''s in love with you, Alina. He wants you to feel whole. I''m sure being apart from you is tearing him up inside, but there are things more important in life and rtionships than sex."


    I scoff. "You''re saying that?"


    He smiles sheepishly. "Our rtionship is different. With Zaid? If you are choosing him, it''s all or nothing."


    The tearse before I can stop them, fat and hot down my cheeks. "I hate that he''s


    right. I hate that I keep hurting people just because I don''t want to sit with my pain. Is it


    so bad that I''m avoiding it?"


    Aiden''s fingers thread through my hair. "It''s not bad that you want to avoid it, but ignoring it won''t solve anything."


    All or Nothing-2


    I cry harder at that. Because it''s true. Because I know it. Because maybe I''ve known it since the second I left Zaid''s room.


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 Chapter 213

    Hurry Up, Please


    I look over at my empty closet and finish folding thest hoodie into the suitcase and stop to take a breath. My heart feels like it''s trying to crawl out of my chest, and I can''t tell if it''s fear or longing or both.


    Maybe it''s all of it.


    I don''t want to leave. Not really. Not Aiden''s warm hands and soft mouth, or Jake''s intense touches and heated nces. I don''t want to leave behind the arms that still pull me in like I''m something they crave, because I know Zaid won''t. Not like that.


    And I hate that I''m even thinking about theck of intimacy. Because it means Zaid was right. About me. About the way I run to sex instead of dealing with what''s actually wrong.


    Then, part of me wants to go. Wants to be alone with him. Because maybe if we''re together again, if he sees me trying, if he hears the way I breathe easier around him than anyone else, maybe he''ll want us again.


    Maybe I can show him that I''m okay. Or at least trying to be. Maybe we could fix this.


    I don''t know how I''m supposed to live in a house with him again. With his quiet patience, with his eyes that still look at me like I''m made of the stars. I want him. God, I want him. But he doesn''t want me. Not like that. Not anymore.


    The truth is, that even if it''s just awkward silences and polite distance and him sleeping down the hall, I''m still looking forward to leaving.


    Melview''s heavy with memories now. Arizona was supposed to be a clean te, a ce to start over. Instead, it turned into a coge of pain and mistakes and blurred lines. It got messy fast.


    But this? This house in the green somewhere? It''s a real fresh start. No history. No pressure. Just space. And it''s with Zaid.


    Zaid, who never talks unless he has something real to say.


    Zaid, who listens all the way through and remembers every word I don''t mean to say out loud.


    Hurry Up, Please


    He''s the only one I can have long conversations with and not want to run halfway through them, or avoid them altogether.


    He makes silence feel full, not empty. Because he''s the only person I''ve ever known who


    makes healing feel possible. Even when it hurts. My hands shake slightly as I zip the bag


    1. up.


    Zaid and I haven''t been alone together since the breakup. Since I walked away from him and into Aiden''s arms like a coward. I tell myself I had my reasons. That


    I was spiraling, that I needed someone. But the truth is simpler, and worse: I was scared, and I wanted to


    feel good. I wanted to feel wanted.


    A knock at the door makes me jump.


    "Yeah?" I call out.


    Aiden opens the door halfway, his eyes soft. "Hey. You okay?"


    I nod, biting the inside of my cheek.


    He steps inside, closing the door gently behind him. "What are you thinking about? You


    have a serious frown going on."


    I chuckle out of my nose. "I''m just trying to figure out how I''m going to do all of this with


    Zaid."


    Aiden frowns. "What do you mean?"


    "I don''t know how I''m going to feel, being around him. Living with him. I still..." My voice breaks. I look down at my hands. "I still love him."


    Aiden doesn''t flinch. He walks over and pulls me into a hug, resting his chin on the top of my head. "Of course you do. He does, too. It will all work out."


    I look up at him. "You think so?"


    He nods, smiling gently. "And I''ll join you guys right after graduation, okay?"


    I press a kiss to his cheek, then another to his lips. "Thank you."


    He nods again and leaves without another word. I take a deep breath, grab my suitcase,


    Hurry Up, Please


    and head downstairs.


    Their voices reach me before I reach the bottom step.


    "I haven''t found one yet," Zaid is saying, voice clipped. "We''ll figure it out once we


    get there. She wants somewhere quiet, green. I''ll take her around."


    Jake exhales, a low sound like he''s already tired of this. I round the corner a little,


    just


    enough to see them, while they still don''t see me.


    "When you do, send me the details. I''ll handle the money."


    There''s a beat of silence before the shift. The tension sharpens like a de.


    "Just make sure you treat her right," Jake says, his voice lower now, colder. "She''s been through hell. Take care of her."


    Zaid''s shoulders go rigid. His next words are t, sharp. "You think I don''t?"


    Jake doesn''t answer. Doesn''t need to.


    Zaid keeps going, voice harder now, each word hitting like a punch. "You think I haven''t been taking care of her since the beginning? I''m the one who stayed with her. I''m the one who talked her down when no one else even notices she''s spiraling."


    Jake''s jaw flexes, but he stays quiet.


    Zaid takes a breath, but it doesn''t calm him. "I''m the only one here who actually gives a damn about her beyond what she does for you. If you really cared, you would''ve shut this whole mess down before it even started."


    Something cracks in me. I can''t listen anymore.


    I step into the dining room. The air in there is thick with tension. Both of them look


    at me, startled.


    Zaid recovers first. He walks over and gently pulls the suitcase from my hand. His fingers graze mine for a second too long.


    "I''ll be in the car," he says quietly, without looking me in the eye. Then he''s gone.


    Hurry Up, Please


    Jake runs a hand through his hair, then turns to me.


    He looks at me like he doesn''t know what to say, or maybe like he knows exactly what he wants to say, but doesn''t think he should.


    I don''t tell him I heard everything.


    Instead, I just walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He exhales, the tension in his shoulders softening for the first time all morning, and he leans down to kiss me. It''s gentle at first, but the moment I respond, the moment my fingers slide into the back of his neck, it deepens fast.


    His hands grip my hips, lifting me onto the table like I weigh nothing. My legs wrap around his waist. My fingers find his hair, tugging, needing. His mouth is heat and desperation against mine.


    He pulls away just enough to breathe, lips brushing mine. "I''m going to find my way back to you," he says, his voice rough, thick with something I don''t want to name. "Once all this shit is handled. I swear, baby."


    I nod, forehead pressed to his, and whisper, "Hurry up, please." That gets a lowugh out of him. He kisses the tip of my nose, onest touch that feels almost innocentpared to everything else. Then he slides me gently off the table, making sure I''m steady on my feet before letting go.

 Chapter 214

    Five Days to Go


    The car door is heavier than I expect. Like a metaphor for the way my heart feels,


    how my


    feet feel as I lift them with every step.


    I sit down and the door closes with a loud thunk. At this point, all I can hear is the steady


    beat of my heart in my ears. Pounding.


    Zaid doesn''t look at me. He''s facing the window, his breath heavy, like he''s struggling with his own control. His eyes watch the houses, his lips moving like he''s chewing on


    them.


    I click my seatbelt into ce, the sound loud in the quiet. My thoat feels thick, dry and I


    wonder if I''m even going to be able to talk.


    He still won''t look at me. His hands are on hisp, clenched and still.


    So I decide to break the silence, my soul still sore from the barrage of feelings his words


    caused. "How''d you know I wanted to go somewhere green?"


    That gets him.


    He turns, slowly, and when his eyes meet mine, those dark, beautiful eyes that I haven''t let myself stare into the past couple of days, I feel it like a hit to the chest. His frown pulls slightly deeper, confusion settling across his features.


    I look down, swallowing the heat rising in my throat. ¡°I overheard some of your


    conversation with Jake."


    His eyes widen, nostrils ring like he''s about to say something.


    I shake my head quickly, giving him an out. "It wasn''t much. I just heard you say you were


    going to find a ce I liked. Somewhere green."


    His shoulders rx a little. I watch as he looks away and shrugs. "You always say it''s too


    dry here. That you miss the green in Florida."


    I smile and nod as I nce down at myp. "Yeah, green sounds nice."


    Without a word, he picks up his phone and hands it to me.


    Five Days to Go


    I nce at him, confused, but he jerks his chin toward the screen. I unlock it and gasp. He has a website pulled up, a dozen listings saved to his favorites. Beautiful homes. Trees everywhere. Water nearby. Space. Quiet. Nature.


    And every single one of them is in Virginia.


    The air leaves my lungs.


    "Zaid," I whisper, blinking hard as my throat tightens. I look at him, the tears already slipping past myshes. "How did you know I wanted to go to Virginia?"


    His eyes soften immediately. Something shifts in his face, like he''s in pain. Like he can''t breathe. Like he wants to run as much as I do. His hand twitches on hisp like he wants to reach for me, and I feel my whole body lean an inch in his direction, like instinct.


    "Wasn''t your dad from there?" he says quietly.


    I nod, the tears spilling now, fast and hot. I bite my bottom lip to keep it from trembling, but it''s no use.


    He watches me like he''s drinking me, breathing me in. Then, barely above a whisper, he says, "I listen to you, even when you think no one''s listening."


    God.


    I look away, trying to breathe around the knot in my chest. But it doesn''t ease. Because he''s here. And I''m here. And we''re driving across the country, together, toward something that could be new or old or broken or whole.


    I don''t know what this road trip is going to change.


    "How long will it take us to get there?" I ask, my voice fragile around the emotion


    haven''t fully swallowed down.


    "Five days," Zaid replies, eyes flicking to me, then back to the window,


    Five days.


    I shudder, almost imperceptibly, but it''s not from the cold. It''s from the weight of what


    that means.


    Five Days to Go


    Five days. Alone with him. Trapped in a car, in hotel rooms, in roadside diners, in that stretch of quiet that only happens on long highways, the kind that lets all the thoughts I''ve tried to burye wing up from underneath.


    Five days of aching for him while pretending I''m not. Five days of pretending I don''t want to reach across the center console and touch his hand. Five days of forcing my body not to lean toward his, even though it already is, silently, shamefully begging for his attention like it always does.


    This is going to be torture.


    He puts the car into gear and slowly backs out of the driveway.


    The tires crunch softly over the gravel, and I feel something tighten in my chest. My hand goes to the window, fingers brushing the ss as I watch the house shrink in the


    distance, the one Iughed in, cried in, kissed in, and made love in.


    The ce where it all got too messy, too fast.


    A sob bubbles up without warning, and I press my lips together to muffle it, but I can''t hold it backpletely. Tears drip down my face, silent and heavy. I don''t even bother


    wiping them away.


    I''m not crying for the house.


    I''m crying because part of me is still clinging to everything inside it. To Jake, to


    Aiden, to all the versions of me that didn''t know better.


    To the way Zaid looked at me once, before things shattered.


    To the four of us together, lying naked in bed after a night of exploring.


    To the feeling of not being alone.


    Zaid doesn''t say anything. He just drives, silently. I don''t know if he hears me crying, or if he''s just letting me have this moment, but either way, I''m grateful.


    Because this hurts more than I thought it would.


    And we still have five days to go.

 Chapter 215

    Diners and Deep Conversations-1


    We''ve been on the road for hours and Zaid hasn''t said a word.


    In his defense, neither have I, but I don''t want to be the only one breaking the ice


    between the two of us. The hum of the engines and the rhythm of the tires against the


    road is the only sound in the car.


    I let my eyes slide over to look at Zaid''s profile. His eyes are fixed on the road, but his expression is distant. His knuckles are white against the steering wheel, his jaw clenched


    tight.


    I lean back in my seat and look out into the passingndscape. It''s a t, dirt road for


    miles with the asional lonely tree and cacti. It''s nothing like Florida with the green


    trees and water everywhere. It''s dry, cracked and brown, but there''s at least an endless,


    beautiful sky above us.


    Zaid''s phone buzzes on the dashboard, and he reaches for it without taking his eyes off


    the road.


    He taps something and hands it to me. "You should keep looking at the houses. Choose the ones you want to see, so we have something to do when we get there."


    I take his phone, still warm from his hand. I feel a surge in my heart. The fact that he trusts me with this, unlocked, is crazy.


    I scroll through the list of houses he has. One catches my eye more than the rest. Green everywhere, a wraparound porch with a swing, ake in the background. It looks peaceful.


    I blink as I imagine us there. Zaid and I, sitting on the swing to watch the sunrise and the sunsets. Talking andughing over the dumbest things.


    I swallow the emotion in my throat and turn to him.


    "This one," I say softly, my fingers brushing over the screen.


    Zaid nces at it, his gaze flickering briefly before he looks away, his jaw tightening. He doesn''t say anything for a moment, and I feel the space between us grow evenrger.


    But then he lets out a breath, his hand tightening on the wheel. "That was my favorite,


    Diners and Deep Conversations-1


    too."


    For a brief moment, the tension softens. He still knows me. He still sees me. I don''t know if it''s a blessing or a curse. We share the same soul, and everything we do, everything we say, just reminds me of that fact.


    We drive for a while longer in silence, only the sound of the engine and the asional crackle of the radio filling the air. Neither of us has dared to put music on or anything, content with the silence.


    The miles stretch out, and I wish I could ease the tension in the car.


    The sun starts to dip lower in the sky, and Zaid pulls into a small diner on the side


    of the highway. Thank god, because I was starving. We get out of the car and walk inside; the door jingling as we enter.


    The inside smells like grease and coffee. There''s the hum of conversation and the clink of silverware, though it''s mostly empty. The entire thing hits me like a brick, reminding me of the first time Zaid took me to his favorite diner.


    I smile to myself, my hands resting on the edge of the table as we sit down.


    Zaid looks at me for a moment, then down at the menu. I don''t want to talk, but the


    silence is too heavy. I shift in my seat, trying to figure out what to say, when something inside me shifts, and I ask, "Will you tell me more about your mother?"

 Chapter 216

    Diners and Deep Conversations-2


    His eyes widen slightly, a flicker of emotion crossing his face before he schools it back into ce. The question would be random and totally out of the blue if it weren''t for the


    setting.


    He understands why I''m asking.


    His gaze flickers to the window before he answers. "She was kind of a burst of energy."


    My heart races in my chest as the memories rush through his eyes.


    "She thought aliens were real, had a theory about how they hide in in sight."


    A smile widens across my face. "Really?"


    He nods. "Did you know her and my dad were together since college?"


    Warmth spreads through me. "That''s sweet."


    He presses his lips into a tight line. "She actually dated my uncle John before my dad."


    I tilt my head, studying him as he speaks. "Your dad stole her from his brother?"


    Zaid''s eyes narrow slightly, "I don''t think so; they were good friends, the three of them. But it''s also one of those things we didn''t really talk about. Like it was weird that she


    dated him before my dad."


    I can''t help the chuckle that leaves me. "I wonder what she would think of us."


    He exhales, running a hand through his hair. "That''s a good question."


    I hum softly, considering his words. "Aiden said you were her favorite. Is that true?"


    His frown deepens at that. He hesitates, like he''s weighing the answer. "I think she loved us both equally. But Aiden was always kind of distant. Not in a bad way, just got along better with my dad, you know? And my dad prefers him, too."


    There''s a heaviness in his voice when he says it, an ache in his words that pulls at my


    chest.


    Diners and Deep Conversations-2


    "We were on our way home from my physical therapy."


    Thementes out of nowhere, but I lift my eyes to watch him stare out the window and I know exactly what he''s talking about. My heart races, tears burning the back of my


    eyes.


    "She believed I could y basketball again. Insisted on it. I was being stubborn, telling her I couldn''t."


    press a hand to my trembling lips.


    "We were arguing. I was looking at the road, and I didn''t move fast enough. Maybe if I had been calmer, I could''ve moved faster. I could have avoided him."


    I reach for him, cing my hand on his. "Zaid, it''s not your fault. He was drunk."


    He looks at me, giving me a forced smile. The same one I''ve given hundreds of people when I can''t stop the guilt.


    We eat in silence after that. It feels like we''re drifting, like the words we need to say are caught somewhere in our throats, too difficult to bring to the surface.


    Later, as the night falls, we pull into a nice hotel. The neon sign outside flickers as


    we


    check in.


    We open the door to the room, and my heart sinks when I see two beds. For a second, I


    wish we didn''t have to share a room at all.


    I sit on the edge of the bed, my fingers tracing the quilt as Zaid sets our bags


    down on the floor. We don''t say anything for a long while.


    We get ready for bed in silence. Zaid turns off the light, and I lie down, staring at


    the ceiling. I''ve never felt so alone with someone so close.


    My heart aches for him, for the man I love and the man I''ve lost.


    Sleep doesn''te easy. I lie there, wide awake, thinking of how we got here


    and where we might go, if anywhere at all.

 Chapter 217

    More Than an Escape-1


    The next day we drive so much more.


    We drive through miles of cracked desert and sun bleached signs, the kind of endless


    stretch that makes the road feel like it''s going nowhere. But inside the car, there''s music ying and I feel like I can breathe.


    We''re only a few miles outside Solince when Zaid pulls into a gas station off the highway. I stay in the care while he heads inside.


    When hees back, he dumps a handful of snacks in myp. "Thought you''d want


    options."


    I eye the mix, spicy chips, chocte covered almonds, a slushie with two straws.


    "What, no pickles this time?" I ask, smirking. I almost grabbed it and threw it out the window yesterday when the car smell was too much.


    His mouth twitches. "Didn''t want you littering the highway again."


    I roll my eyes.


    He leans against the doorframe, holding the slushie out to me. "At least I got white cherry


    this time."


    I take it, my fingers brushing his."My favorite."


    In Solince, we stop at a diner just off the square. The same kind of ce we''ve be


    ustomed to.


    We talk about mundane things, get into an argument about what makes a movie good or


    not.


    "I just don''t like it when you can tell an actor is acting," I say, taking a sip of my soda.


    He tilts his head. "But they''re actors."


    I throw a fry at him. "Yes, but they are supposed to feel like their character, not an actor."


    Heughs, catching the fry and popping it in his mouth. "Come on, let''s go. We still have


    More Than an Escape-1


    to check in and I want to sleep. I''m tired of driving."


    Outside, the air''s cold, dusk folding into night.


    He unlocks the car, and I just stand there, staring at him. "It''s nice talking to you like that, like friends."


    He twitches.


    ¡°I know this is easier for you," I whisper. ¡°Being near me, but not with me. This is what you wanted, right? I''m still trying to get the hang of it."


    He blinks. And then his entire face changes. "You think this is easy for me?"


    I watch him, kind of shocked by his reaction.


    His nostrils re, jaw clenched so tight I can see the muscle twitch. "You think this, this fucking limbo that we''re in, is what I wanted?"


    "You broke up with me, Zaid."


    "Because I had to!" His voice rises.


    My heart''s hammering. His hands are fisted at his sides, veins stark against his skin. I see the tension in his neck; the frustration radiating off him in waves. The tattoo behind his ear is visible, half-hidden by his messy hair, and I want so badly to press my mouth to it.


    "You''re drowning," his voice cracks.


    I shake my head. "No-"


    "You being in denial doesn''t make it less true."


    My chest heaves.


    "Have you seen a therapist?"


    I shake my head. "I don''t need one."


    He scoffs, something like pain crossing his eyes. "I don''t know how to fix this. I


    can''t fix this. I need you to want to fix this."


    More Than an Escape-1


    "I don''t need to fix anything," I whisper. "I just need you."


    He steps closer, and the air between us disappearing. His chest brushes mine. We''re close, so damn close. I reach for his shirt and he grabs my wrists, keeping me from touching him. My insides curl, need igniting inside me.


    He breathes hard, his hands shaking. I see the war inside him, the way his


    between restraint and desire.


    eyes flicker


    "Give me a sign," I whisper, desperate. "That I still have a chance with you. That I haven''t lost you forever."


    He exhales like it hurts. Then, his forehead presses to mine, and he says it so low


    I almost miss it. "You''ll never lose mepletely, Alina. Not even if you tried." Chapter Comments

 Chapter 218

    More Than an Escape-2


    And then his mouth finds mine.


    Hot. Slow. Devastating.


    He kisses like he''s starving. His hands are everywhere, my waist, my jaw. It hurts, but I take it. I melt into him, greedy for every second, every breath, every proof that he still


    feels this too.


    When we finally break apart, gasping, trembling, his hands still on my hips, Zaid pulls back like I''ve just burned him.


    His mouth is red. His eyes dark. Then he steps back, face twisted in some mix of guilt and rage. "This was a mistake."


    My stomach drops, and something hot rises in my throat. "A mistake?"


    He turns away, jaw working like he''s trying to swallow the words down. He runs his hands through his hair, the muscles on his back bunching.


    "Why?" I demand, voice shaking.


    He spins on me, eyes zing. "Because wanting someone isn''t enough, Alina!" My breath hitches.


    Zaid takes a step forward, veins standing out on his hands, his chest heaving. "Do you think it''s easy for me to keep pulling back? To live in the same house as you and not


    touch you? To ache for you with every fucking breath I take?"


    His voice cracks, something breaking inside him. "You think I don''t want you? That I don''t dream about you every goddamn night? That I don''t remember exactly how you


    taste, how you sound when you fall apart in my arms?"


    I stare at him, stunned. He runs a hand through his hair, looking like he''s on the edge of


    unraveling.


    His eyes are on the ground, voice softer. "I''d give you everything, Alina. Let you use me for anything. Every piece of me. I''d set myself on fire if it would keep you warm. But I


    More Than an Escape-2


    don''t even know if you see me anymore."


    Tears sting my eyes.


    Zaid''s throat bobs. ¡°Is it so hard to believe that I want to know you want me for more than just the way I make you forget everything else? That maybe I want to be wanted


    even when the world isn''t falling apart autound you?"


    He exhales like the words cost him everything. "I just... I need to know if you love me,


    Alina. Love me. Not the escape I give you. Not a version of me. Me."


    The silence between us is deafening.


    And in it, my heart folds in on itself.


    Because I do love him..


    I always have.


    But now I wonder if he''s right,, iff maybe I''ve never shown him that I love him more tham


    need him.


    "Because what happens when we''re happy? When the nightmares stop, when the memories stop chasing us?" he whispers, getting closer, his hand cupping my cheek.


    I watch him silently..


    His eyes oscitie between mine, studying me. "Because you want that, right? You want that freedom.. I want it to. For you and me, my love. What happens when you don''t meed me? When all that matters is how we love each other?"


    The pain in my chest makes me gasp and I pull away from his touch. I swallow, making my way around the car and toward the passenger seat. His eyes burn into me, that and


    angry.


    I look down at my hands on myp, struggling to breathe. Maybe I''ve always been too focused om surviving, too desperate for the relief of him, to see that he lus meeds and desiress just as intense as mine. Needs that have to do more with his hemtt tthan with our physicall rtionship.


    Za?d''s shoulders rise and fall, his eyes ssy as he climbs into the diver''s seat. He looks


    2


    More Than an Escape-2


    at me like he''s waiting for me to say something. Anything.


    But I don''t have the words yet. And so, without another sound, he starts the car.


    We drive to the motel in Solince, quiet, wrecked, andpletely burned through. Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 219

    Be Enough


    The motel is quiet. A single buzzing streemp flickers overhead, casting the parking lot in tired yellow light.


    We haven''t spoken at all since we got in the car. My stomach is still twisting with nausea; being read like that will never be easy.


    I smile at a woman who is sitting int he lobby with a book in her hands. I just stand by an empty seat, watching as Zaid makes his way to the desk.


    My breath turns shallow when his muscles strain against his shirt. I can still feel the weight of his hands on my waist. The press of his mouth against mine. The way he pulled back like it hurt to let go.


    From here, I can see his back. The tense line of his shoulders, the way his neck strains as he sighs, jaw clenched tight. His voice is calm when he speaks to the receptionist, but I see the flicker of his hand tightening into a fist at his side.


    Something''s off.


    He finally turns, walking toward me with a keycard in his hand. He doesn''t look me in the eye, just hands it to me.


    "They had a pipe burst," he says. "Only one room avable. One bed."


    I open my mouth to say something, but he cuts in first.


    "I''ll sleep in the car."


    "No," I say. "You''re driving. You need to rest."


    He finally looks at me, just for a second, and it''s like a punch to the ribs. All that restrained heat. All that frustration buried underyers of hurt. It''s nothing but pure agony in those dark eyes of his.


    I keep my voice even. "We can share a bed. We''re adults. We can be mature about it."


    He flinches like it stings. He gives me a stiff nod, and he walks ahead of me, our bags still in his hands. I want to reach for him, grab his arm, walk beside him.


    Be Enough


    When the door clicks open, my heart drops to my stomach. The room smells likevender cleaner and dust. The lights are too bright. The bed is painfully, obviously, impossibly small.


    Zaid stands in front of it like he wants to tear it apart. Like it is the bane of his existence.


    We don''t speak as we brush our teeth. Zaid goes first for the shower, and I hear the water running, imagine the steam on his skin, the way he presses his palms into the tiles when he thinks too hard.


    I close my eyes and force myself not to think about it. I go right after him, and we move around in each other in awkward ''excuse me''s''.


    When I step out of the bathroom, I''m in my sleep shorts and a thin cami, and Zaid is already under the covers, lying on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes.


    He groans, voice thick and muffled. "I''m gonna die of blue balls."


    The words seem so yful, so normal,ing from him even in the middle of a fucking storm in my heart. It makes me smile. I stop when the smile hurts, when my muscles feel like I''m making them to something they''re not used to anymore.


    I turn off the bathroom light and crawl under the nket, careful not to touch him, even if I''m facing him. The bed dips between us. Every inch of the silence stretches.


    Zaid sighs, reaching over tot hemp beside him and turns it off. The darkness covers us. Silence, too.


    My heart is heavy, my mouth dry. But I need to get the words out. "I do love you, you know."


    Zaid stiffens beside me, and I feel his breath hitch in his chest.


    love you enough to try. To get better. To stop being afraid all


    time." My voice


    wavers, but I keep going, because it matters. "I want to be more. For you. For me. I know I haven''t shown it right. I know sometimes I just... I just reach for you like you''re a lifeline, and it''s not fair to make you carry all that."


    Zaid turns his head. I can''t see much in the dark, just the faint curve of his cheek, the soft shine of his eyes. Then, he shifts his entire body, facing mepletely.


    Be Enough


    "I''m sorry," I whisper.


    He exhales, almost a sigh, then reaches for me. His hand slides into mine like it belongs there. Like it always has. "I''m sorry."


    I shake my head. "For what?"


    "I was harsh," he says. "I didn''t mean to-"


    "I needed it," I interrupt. "You''re the only one who can get through to me when I''m


    like this. When I start to spiral."


    He doesn''t say anything to that. He just holds my hand tighter.


    "I don''t want to lose you," I whisper.


    "You won''t."


    "I see my future, and it''s you. It''s always been you," I confess, my heart on my sleeve.


    He shifts closer. Our foreheads nearly touch. His breath is warm against my skin. He doesn''t kiss me, but I feel the promise of it in the space between us. For now, he just stay with me.


    We fall asleep like that, holding hands like it''s the hop that keeps us going.


    I sleep soundly. I don''t stay awake for hours and my dreams don''t wake me up.


    There''s a smile on my face when I wake up. Because I can feel the light from the window on my face. I feel rested.


    I blink my eyes open and I immediately stiffen.


    We''ve somehow ended up wrapped around each other like vines. His arm is


    draped over my waist. My leg hooked over his waist.


    My breath catches, and I look over him. His peaceful expression, his closed eyes,


    the sharp curve of his jaw.


    God, he''s beautiful.


    5:10 pm


    Be Enough


    Something hot stirs in my belly, something hungry and desperate. A need that


    pulses just


    beneath the surface.


    I close my eyes again and press my face into his chest, trying to pretend that this,


    right now, is all I''ll ever need.


    I know it''s not, but for now, it has to be enough.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 220

    Leather Journals


    The rest of the trip passes in by in contentment. Peace.


    We don''t have another confrontation or a deep conversation, and I''m thankful for it. Even


    more thankful that we aren''t forced to share a bed again.


    When Zaid woke up, he pulled away like I had burned him.


    And maybe I had.


    I burn for him.


    For once, things are easy. We exist in the same space without feeling the need to fill the silence, and it doesn''t feel like something is missing. It feels full in its own


    quiet way.


    I rest my head against the window, watching the blur of trees and signs pass. Zaid hums along to the music, tapping the wheel in rhythm, and every now and then, he nces at


    1. me.


    I never look directly at him, because although I feel better than I have in days, sometimes it''s still too much. The heaviness hasn''t disappearedpletely, but it''s settled. Like we''re learning how to carry it.


    We had to stop by and buy a couple of coats and nkets, neither one of us used to the


    weather this far east and north.


    By the time we reach Virginia, the sun is low, casting everything in a beautiful orange light.


    The air smells different here, fresher, cleaner. Hopeful, almost. And the ss against my


    cheek is cold.


    Zaid pulls off the road and drives up the narrow gravel path that winds around a gentle hill. When the housees into view, my breath catches.


    It''s exactly how I remember it from the listing. The white wood, the wraparound porch, the tall windows that I just know make the house feel light and bright.


    My eyes shift to the sign in the front yard and therge bold letters that spell out ''sold''.


    Leather Journals


    My stomach sours, sadness creeping into my eyes. "It''s sold."


    Zaid says nothing and when I turn to face him, there''s a quiet smile on his face.


    I frown, confused, and turn back to the house. "Wait... what?"


    He puts the car in park and unlocks the doors.


    "You got it?" I whisper, stunned.


    He nods. "Made some calls. Got my dad to help. We bought it."


    My mouth falls open and I just stare at him. "Zaid."


    But I don''t wait for more words. I''m already unbuckling, flying out of the car, running up


    the porch and around the back.


    Tears of joy spark in my eyes when I see theke.


    It sparkles beneath the setting sun like church windows. It''s surrounded by trees whose leaves are touching the water. It''s even better than I imagined. Peaceful. Still. Like time might actually stop here.


    I gasp, pressing both hands over my mouth. "It''s beautiful," I say, voice thick.


    He''s beside me, quiet, watching me with soft eyes. His hands in his pockets. "Yeah, it''s


    perfect."


    We walk around the porch, and he squats by the front door where the lockbox is. My heart hammers in my chest when he opens it, and Iugh when he unlocks the front door.


    Inside, the house is empty but alive. With hardwood floors, big open rooms, windows that beg for sunlight, and maybe one day, a dog skidding across the floors.


    He lets me walk ahead of him, exploring room by room, pointing things out, imagining


    what each space could be.


    "You get first dibs," Zaid says. "Pick out whatever rooms you want. Whatever you need."


    Iugh, spinning around in the center of what the living room, arms wide like I can take in the whole world. "This feels like a fresh start."


    Then I stop and look at him with narrowed eyes. "I can''t believe you bought it without even seeing it in person first."


    He shrugs, all casual. "It''s the house you wanted. I wanted to make sure you got


    it."


    Something twists in my chest. Warm and painful and tender.


    He brings in our bags. I mostly hover, pretending to be helpful. For a little while,


    we just sit on the floor and admire the space.


    And then it hits me, too hard, too fast.


    A vision shes behind my eyes. A wedding dress. Laughter echoing down the


    hall. Tiny feet running across the porch. A family. Our family.


    I blink hard and shove it away, clutching my chest. Not now. I need to focus on the right now. That''s all that matters.


    We order takeout, Thai, and eat cross-legged on the floor with twomps plugged


    in, soft music humming from Zaid''s phone, and nkets spread out like a little camp in the middle of the room.


    It''s cozy. Simple. And then Zaid shifts, reaching for his bag.


    "I have something for you."


    He looks almost unsure, insecure. I lean toward him, frowning. What else could he


    have gotten me? He''s already given me so much.


    He smiles sheepishly and hands it to me without a word. I look down. It''s a leather-bound journal, smooth and new, nk pages waiting to be filled. I run my hands over the cover, then flip through the empty pages.


    I frown, confused, but then I look up at him and he''s nervous. Like he''s afraid I


    won''t understand what this means.


    "It''s for the new chapter," he says.


    I swallow, nodding, but still not really getting it.


    He hands me a pen. "I thought we could write down what we want for our lives now that


    Leather Journals


    we have a fresh start. Our dreams. Our goals."


    He pulls out another journal from his bag, and my eyes follow his hands. The leather is worn, creased at the corners. "I started mine the night we left."


    My heart cracks right open.


    I hold the journal like it''s made of gold. Like it might fall apart in my hands if I breathe wrong. I trace the leather with my fingers, blinking against the sting in my eyes.


    "Zaid. I don''t... I''ve never really had a journal before."


    "There''s a first time fore everything."


    I sit back, opening it to the first page, setting the pen against the paper.


    Zaid doesn''t say anything, justys back on the nket, his own journal in hand,


    and


    starts writing.


    Side by side, wey there, writing in silence. The music ys low, the food forgotten, the


    night wrapping around us like a warm nket.


    And for the first time in a long time, I let myself hope.


    I write down what I want.


    1. Go to college.


    2. Find my dad''s family.


    3. Zaid


    4....

 Chapter 221

    Domestic Chaos


    1 Week Later


    The therapist''s office smells like cinnamon. It kind of tickles my nose, reminding me of Christmas and Thanksgiving.


    I sit, tucked into arge, pale pink armchair that squeaks every time I move, with my legs crisscrossed and my arms tight across my chest.


    Her name is Cami, and she''s young. Maybe like in herte twenties. Her hair is dyed a soft cotton candy pink, the ends curled slightly. She''s wearing a chunky yellow cardigan that I


    kind of want for myself and I almost feel like I''m talking to a friend.


    I tell her about the ident, about my rtionship with my brother.


    Her neon green nails click gently against the arm of her chair as she waves and gestures,


    which she does often.


    ¡°That''s a lot,¡± she says in an empathetic whisper.


    I blink at her. That''s an understatement. I manage a small smile. "Yeah. That''s one way to


    put it.".


    Sheughs easily, not in a fake way, but the kind that sounds like warmth. Like sunshine.


    I''m not sure if I like her yet.


    But I don''t dislike her either.


    She doesn''t push. Just lets the silence linger. I''m kind of thankful for that because I''m not


    sure I can get into anything having to do with Zaid, Jake or Aiden.


    "Do you still talk to your mother?"


    I shake my head. "A lot more has happened since the ident. She''s in Arizona. I''m here,


    I don''t-"


    I swallow, tightening my arms around myself.


    She shakes her head. "We don''t have to dive into everything today. Let''s go at your pace."


    Domestic Chaos


    I unload about my mother mostly, about her neglect and her alcoholism. I open up more than I expect to.


    Cami watches me closely, eyes kind and a little ssy at the corners, and I can tell she''s feeling it. Not just nodding through it like it''s her job. It feels genuine.


    By the end of the session, my eyes are puffy, my throat sore. I''m wrung out like a rag. And even though I only gave her pieces of the full story, it feels like I''ve bled out half my soul on her rug.


    Losing my mother while she stands right in front of me is a terrible thing to go through. Watching her lose herself in grief while being forced to grow up far beyond my years made me lose so much of myself.


    Cami validated it all.


    I think I do like her.


    I leave and cry all the way home, wanting to get it out so that Zaid doesn''t see me


    like


    this.


    The house smells like takeout and cardboard. Boxes are stacked everywhere, some half-


    opened, others with sticky notes in Zaid''s neat handwriting.


    A tiny shred of domestic chaos.


    I toe off my shoes and wander to the kitchen, pour myself a ss of water. My hands are


    still shaking from earlier.


    There''s this aching part of me that wants to sink into Zaid''s arms, to bury my face in his


    chest and pretend none of this happened. I remember how good it used to feel to only


    focus on the way he rolled his hips into me.


    The way he kissed me and told me loved me.


    I crave it so much right now.


    But I can''t. I promised myself I''d learn to stand on my own.


    I sip my water slowly. Let the coolness settle in my chest.


    Domestic Chaos


    My room is still mostly bare, just a blow-up mattress in the corner and one wall slowly filling with pictures and scraps of paper. The beginnings of a hunt for a family I''ve never met. A name here, an address there. Most of it is scribbled and crossed out, but it''s something. A breadcrumb trail.


    I sit on the mattress and let my head fall back against the wall.


    There''s a knock on my door. My heart does this stupid skip thing because it''s him.


    "Come in," I say, voice softer than I mean it to be.


    Zaid steps inside, holding a piece of paper in his hand. His hair is messy, shirt slightly wrinkled. He looks tired, in the same way I feel. But he smiles at me.


    "How was it?"


    I can only nod over the lump in my throat.


    He sees the emotion on my face and sits beside me on the mattress. "Are you going to go


    back?"


    "Yes. I think I want to go as often as I can." My voice is rough, broken from all the crying.


    The smile he gives me reaches his eyes, and he breathes like he''s been holding something in all day. He shifts and hands me the paper.


    I look down a the name and the phone number. I frown. "Elena Hanson. Wait... is this?"


    "Your aunt," he says, smiling down at the paper. "I called your mom. Got what I could out


    of her."


    I stare at the paper, heart pounding, and then back up at him. "You did that?"


    He nods, eyes flicking to my mouth and then back up. "I know you don''t want to


    talk to


    her, but where else could we get this information from?"


    Emotion rises so fast in my throat I can barely speak. "Zaid, I..."


    I don''t think. I just move. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.


    It''s just a peck at first, a kiss to tell him how thankful I am.


    Domestic Chaos


    And then Zaid kisses me back, deep and desperate. He''s as starved as I am. But


    he''s always been stronger than me.


    He pulls back suddenly, eyes wild, lips parted.


    "I should..." His voice is rough, thick. "I should go work out or something."


    I nod, breathless. "Okay."


    He gets up and hesitates in the doorway, like he wants to say more. But he doesn''t. He


    just leaves, and I lean back on the mattress, fingers still trembling.


    The paper rests in myp like it weighs ten pounds.


    My heart feels like it might explode.


    I reach for my phone and dial the number.

 Chapter 222

    A Long Story-1


    I''m trembling.


    It''s subtle, mostly in my hands, the way my fingers twist together in myp like they''re trying to braid my nerves into something useful instead ofpletely destructive.


    I can feel my nerves everywhere. In the pit of my stomach. In the tightness in my chest. Even my heartbeat feels wrong, like it''s trying to outrun this moment.


    The sitting room is like nothing I''ve ever seen before. Like from a movie. If I thought Jake was rich, this is a whole new awakening.


    Tall ceilings. Gilded crown molding. Paintings on every wall, some ssic, some modern, all expensive. Everything smells like lilies and lemon polish. Like wealth.


    I sigh, dropping my eyes to the woman sitting in front of me.


    Elena Hanson. My aunt.


    She sits across from me in an armchair that probably costs more than everything I''ve ever owned in my entire life. She''s dressed in a cream silk blouse and navy trousers, her heels tucked neatly under her chair. Her dark hair is swept back, not a strand out of ce, and her lipstick is the exact same shade of mauve that used to stain the edges of my grandmother''s teacups in the only photo I have of her.


    She looks like someone important.


    And she looks like him.


    Her cheekbones, the slope of her nose, the almond shape of her eyes, my eyes. Every little detail makes my heart ache.


    She smiles, soft and almost wistful. "You look just like your grandmother when she was younger. I have some pictures I can show you."


    I blink. Swallow hard. My mouth moves before my fear can catch it. "Why have I


    never


    met you before?"


    Her expression falls just enough to show the pain behind it. She sighs and smooths her


    A Long Story-1


    hands over her knees. "Because I was a coward. Young, but still a coward." My breath catches.


    "I''m obviously younger than your father," she says quietly. "His little sister. I adored him. Still do." Her lips tremble for half a second, but she catches herself.


    I bite down on my cheek so I don''t cry myself.


    "When he married your mother, Diana, our parents, they didn''t take it well. Old money. Old minds. They''d chosen someone for him, someone they thought would elevate our name, secure alliances, whatever nonsense they cared about."


    She pauses, ncing toward one of the paintings on the far wall.


    "They disowned him," she continues. "Told him he could stay in the family or stay with


    her. He chose her."


    Shock spreads through me. "What?"


    She smiles, her voice soft. "Of course he chose her. He loved her so much."


    My mind spins, my confusion spreading. "He never mentioned that. He told us his parents


    died a long time ago."


    She grimaces. "I don''t me him. They were terrible to him."


    I press my lips together, the sharp sting behind my eyes threatening to spill over.


    "I didn''t know how to stand up to them. I was too young, too afraid of losing everything." She gives a shakyugh. "So I let them send me to Ennd for school. I disappeared."


    I nod, but I don''t feel like I''m taking everything in. I''m numb.


    "And when I found out about the ident, I called Diana, but she wouldn''t talk to


    me. She wouldn''t give me anything. Not a funeral date, not anything."


    I look down at my hands. My knuckles are white from how hard I''m squeezing them.


    "That''s terrible," I whisper.


    A Long Story-1


    Elena leans forward and reaches for me. Her hand is warm, her grip gentle. Her eyes shine, ssy and earnest.


    "I''m so happy you''re here," she says, voice barely above a whisper. "That we can finally be


    a family, even if it''s just the two of us."

 Chapter 223

    A Long Story-2


    I smile, a little shy, a little stunned. "Are you, are you married? Do you have kids?"


    Sheughs, wiping her cheek with a perfectly manicured finger. "No, not yet. My boyfriend''s taking forever to propose, probably because he knows I''d say no."


    She grins, and it''s so contagious that I mirror her.


    "I like things the way they are. I want kids eventually, but I haven''t quitended in that ce yet."


    I nod. "What do you do? For work?"


    "I''m a private art curator," she says, eyes lighting up with something fierce and


    proud. "I work with collectors and galleries around the world. Helps that I can work remotely most of the time, but I travel often."


    "Art. Like dad."


    She smiles widely. "Yeah, it runs in the family."


    I smile again, more rxed this time. Her eyes drift past me andnd on someone behind me. Her lips curve into a knowing smile.


    "Is that your boyfriend?" she asks lightly.


    My cheeks go hot in a second. I nce over my shoulder.


    Zaid is in the foyer, pacing. He''s wearing one of his nicer button-downs, but his hands are stuffed awkwardly in his pockets and he keeps ncing at the ceiling like he''s trying to calm himself down.


    His hair''s messy in a way that looks almost intentional. He''s not trying to be hot. He just


    1. is.


    I look back at Elena. "No."


    She arches a brow, following the blush that creeps up my neck. "But you want him to be, don''t you?"


    A Long Story-2


    I sigh, dropping my gaze again. "It''s a long story."


    "Well," she says, pushing up from her chair with a graceful stretch, "it''s a good thing we have the rest of our lives to talk about it."


    She walks to the doorway and turns back to me with a twinkle in her eye.


    "Now, introduce me properly, will you?"


    I stand like a newborn deer, trembling like a leaf. Zaid tenses when he sees us approach, his eyes immediately finding mine.


    "Hey, I just want you to officially introduce you to my aunt," I whisper as I stand beside


    him.


    He nods, offering Elena a sweet smile before extending his hand.


    They don''t talk much, so we''re out of the house quick.


    The moment the front door closes behind us, I let out a long, shaky breath.


    Zaid is quiet as he unlocks the car and climbs into the driver''s seat. The engine


    hums to life, but he doesn''t shift out of park right away.


    I nce at him, the side of his jaw tight, his hands gripping the wheel.


    "Thank you foring with me." I say softly, turning toward him.


    He doesn''t look at me yet. Just stares straight ahead.


    "I was nervous. Scared, honestly. I don''t think I could''ve walked in there alone."


    Zaid finally turns his head, and his gaze catches mine. There''s so much tension in


    his


    eyes.


    He nods once. Still doesn''t speak.


    "Are you okay?" I ask, even softer now.


    He nods again.


    A Long Story-2


    Then, quietly, he reaches across the center console and takes my hand.


    My heart stutters.


    I don''t say anything. Just watch as his fingers thread between mine like they belong there. His grip is warm. A little rough. Familiar.


    I lean back in my seat, trying to calm the pounding in my chest. I rest our joined


    hands gently in myp, ncing at him out of the corner of my eye, but he''s already pulling out of the driveway, jaw still tight, eyes fixed on the road.


    So I don''t push.


    I just hold on tighter, smiling despite the ache in my chest, despite the confusion


    swimming in my gut.


    And I don''t stop smiling the whole way home.

 Chapter 224

    Hard Already


    1 Week Later


    The box sits in the center of the kitchen ind like some object that can tell us the future.


    It''s not wrapped in bright paper or topped with a bow, just a sleek ck box with gold edging. It''s paired with a white envelope and my name is written in calligraphy across the textured paper.


    Zaid stands beside me, arms crossed, frowning at it like it personally insulted him. "You gonna open it?"


    I tilt my head, studying it with a squint. "I don''t even know what to open. It looks like it might just be for decor?"


    He raises an eyebrow. "A box for decor?"


    I shrug, lifting the thing gently. It''s heavier than I expected. "She''s rich. You should know


    how rich people are. You are one."


    Zaid lets out a shortugh. "There''s money rich, like my dad. And then there''s rich rich like your aunt. That''s a whole other breed."


    I grin at him, shaking my head. With a heavy sigh. I walk the box to our newly furnished living room and set it on the coffee table.


    I''ll open the envelope tomorrow, on my actual birthday.


    When I walk back into the kitchen, Zaid already has ingredients out for dinner. His sleeves are pushed up, and he''s chopping a zhini and mushrooms, while the steaks sit out with salt and pepper.


    I lean against the counter, watching him, taking in the way his forearms moves.


    "What do you want to do tomorrow?" He nces at me, a small smile pulling at his lips.


    I blink at him and then frown. "I don''t know. But my aunt wants to take us out for dinner."


    11:34 pm


    Hard Already


    His smile widens. "So I have all day tomorrow with you until then?"


    I nod. "We could just get breakfast somewhere. Walk around. I don''t care. I just


    want to spend the whole day with you."


    His smile fades, his expression pulling tight. Like the words hurt.


    I frown. "What?"


    Zaid keeps chopping, slower now. "Nothing."


    "Zaid."


    He sets the knife down, hands braced on the edge of the counter. "I don''t know how much longer I can do this."


    My heart stutters. I move toward him. "Do what?"


    He lifts his eyes, and they''re full of so much longing and frustration. "Stay away from


    you."


    I stop just inches from him. "Then don''t."


    He exhales sharply, his jaw tightening. "Alina, we''ve only been here two weeks."


    I nod, trying to read the expression on his face.


    "You started therapy. You met your aunt. You''re lighter. You look happier."


    "I am happier," I whisper, wanting to show him that most of that is because of him.


    "You smile so much more," he mutters, looking at me in a way that has my stomach.


    I feel my heart turn light in my chest.


    "I don''t want to be the reason that stops," he confesses.


    My chest aches. I reach for his hand, curling my fingers around his. "You won''t be.


    I promise I won''t stop trying. I won''t stop working on me, on all of this."


    Zaid lets out a quiet, strangled sound, like he''s being tortured and tempted all at once.


    Hard Already


    "What if we just take it slow?" I whisper. "No sex. Just this. Holding hands. Kissing. Being


    together."


    "That''s gonna be hard," he mutters.


    "It''s already hard," I whisper, grinning as I step closer.


    His other handes up, cupping my jaw gently. His thumb runs across my cheek, and I


    lean into the warmth of his touch, the safety of it.


    He kisses me. Soft at first, like he''s testing the waters. Then deeper, hungrier. My fingers


    tighten in his shirt and his hand drifts to the back of my neck, and the whole world narrows down to this, to his mouth, his touch, his body and mine.


    We pull apart, breathing heavy.


    "I love you, Alina."


    I can''t help the smile that spreads across my face. "I love you."


    His forehead leans against mine, our breaths mingling, and for a moment I think that''s it; we''ve finally closed the space between us.


    But then he pulls back, just a little. His hands drop from my face, fingers twitching


    at his sides. There''s a tightness in his face.


    "What is it?" I ask quietly. "You look like you''re trying not to say something."


    He hesitates. Then, softly, "I''m just scared, Alina."


    My brows knit. "Scared of what?"


    "That we''re rushing back into something before we even know how things are gonna look now." He pulls back enough to really look at me, searching my face.


    I blink. "What do you mean?"


    "We''ve only been here two weeks. You''re still figuring things out. Therapy, your aunt, this ce, it''s all new. You''re still adjusting. I''m still adjusting."


    I swallow, my stomach souring from the nerves. "You think that means we can''t be


    Hard Already


    together?"


    He shakes his head. "I don''t know. I just know I want you to be okay. Like really


    okay."


    That hits something deep inside me. I look at him, his eyes filled with care, not doubt.


    "You think being with you will stop me from healing?"


    He seems to think about it, drawing back.


    My throat tightens. "I don''t think that.


    6693


    He smiles softly at me, leaning into me, pressing his body against mine as our


    foreheads


    touch.


    "I know," he says gently.


    I swallow hard, emotions knotting in my chest. "I want this, Zaid. Whatever it looks


    like."


    "I want this, too. Fuck, I want this," he whispers.


    Before I can answer, the doorbell rings.


    We both freeze.


    I catch his eyes, both of us dazed. He doesn''t move, just keeps looking at me like


    he can''t bring himself to let go.


    The doorbell rings again.


    Zaid sighs, keeping his forehead against mine for onest second before peeling


    himself


    away.


    "I swear," he mutters, running a hand through his hair. "If it''s another package


    from your aunt, I''m gonna lose it."


    Iugh, still catching my breath. "It better not be another weird box."

 Chapter 225

    Somewhere Else-1


    I reach for the knife to finish cutting the vegetables Zaid started on. I smile to myself, thinking of the way we kissed, thinking about how maybe this is a new start for us.


    That we won''t be alone anymore. From the way his hands felt on my skin, from the way everything in me screamed this is right, I can''t imagine being apart from him anymore.


    And then I hear it, a familiar voice. "Alina?"


    My body goes cold. It''s not excitement that floods me. Not joy. Not even confusion. It''s


    something duller. A weight I can''t exin that settles in my chest like dread.


    Footsteps echo through the foyer, and before I can react, Jake is in the kitchen with me.


    He smiles, and before I can say a single word, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me


    into a kiss. It should feel like home, but it doesn''t.


    When we pull apart, I can''t breathe. My eyes immediately find Zaid. He''s still standing by


    the kitchen counter. Still here, but looking away. His arms are folded, jaw clenched.


    Like it bothers him, like it hurts. Has it always hurt him?


    Jake''s lips brush down my neck, and I force augh. It''s awkward, shaky, not quite mine. ¡°Jake, what are you doing here?"


    He pulls back, frowning like it should''ve been obvious. "It''s your birthday


    tomorrow. I wanted to surprise you."


    Of course he did.


    I smile at him, but it''s thin, because all I can feel is the way Zaid won''t look at me. The way the light in his eyes has dimmed.


    We won''t have our day tomorrow, and least not for just us two.


    Jake presses a kiss to my forehead. "I''m going to set my things upstairs. You''re bedroom''s okay?"


    I nod absentmindedly. My bedroom is the only one with a bed. Zaid has one, too, but I


    Somewhere Else-1


    imagine they would not want to share a bed.


    The moment he''s gone, I turn to Zaid.


    "I''m sorry," I whisper, walking toward him.


    He shakes his head, forcing a smile that doesn''t reach his eyes. "It''s okay. You should spend tomorrow with him. We can celebrate another day."


    My chest tightens. "It can be the three of us. We can all hang out together."


    "I don''t know if I can be around him right now. You might have already forgiven


    him for everything, but I''m still trying to figure out how I feel about all of this," he says, voice raw. He finally looks at me, and the sadness in his eyes nearly breaks


    me.


    I nod slowly, swallowing hard. "I get it."


    He gives me a soft, pained smile, kissing me at the edge of my lips.


    "But, you''ll still have dinner with me, right? Elena wants you toe."


    That makes him smile, genuinely. "Elena, or you?"


    I bite my lip. "Me."


    "Then I wouldn''t miss it." And then he walks away.


    I stare at the spot where he was, where we stood just minutes ago, and I wonder


    how something so warm can feel so cold so quickly.


    I finish chopping the vegetables and rinse my hands.


    "Hey," Jake calls as he walks back into the kitchen, a smile on his face. It throws


    me off, but I''m sure he has no idea of everything happening in this house.


    I put on a smile and turn toward him. "Hey."


    He kisses my cheek, wrapping his arms around my waist. "What''s for dinner?"


    I put my hand over his. "Steaks."


    Somewhere Else-1


    "There''s only two."


    ¡°Zaid isn''t feeling great, so he went upstairs.¡±


    Jake turns me to face him in his arms and narrows his eyes. "Is he still upset with


    me about everything with your mom?"


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 Chapter 226

    Somewhere Else-2


    I nod slowly, careful with my expression. "Yeah."


    He lets me go then leans against the counter, arms crossed, studying me. "And you? How are you feeling about everything?"


    My stomach tightens. "I''m fine."


    It''s a lie. I know it, but I smile anyway and go back to covering the vegetables in olive oil.


    We finish making dinner, mostly in silence. The clinks of silverware and the simmering


    pot fill the space where words should go. When we sit down to eat, I try again.


    "How''s everything going?" I ask, spearing a piece of roasted zhini.


    Jake sighs, the sound is heavy and tired. "The board''s pushing me to step down. Sell my


    shares. The stock''s tanked since the story broke."


    I freeze mid-bite. "Jake, I''m so sorry."


    He waves it off with a bitter twist of his mouth. "It''s my fault. I don''t lose all of my money, so I can''tin."


    I don''t have anything to say to that, my eyes going to the hallways that leads to the


    stairs, wondering when Zaid will make an appearance.


    We clean the dishes together. I watch the soap bubble around our fingers, feel the water


    rush over my hands. shes of memories cross my mind, of home back in Arizona.


    Of when it was so easy to drown the noise and the grief getting lost in their arms and in their kisses. Now, I faced the dark alone, cried myself to sleep.


    When will things feel easy like that again?


    We finish the dishes and head upstairs. The bedroom light is warm and Jake''s things are spread across the floor.


    The bed is exactly how I left it, and my journal sits right at the center of it. Jake picks it up before I can stop him, turning it curiously in his hands.


    Somewhere Else-2


    Iugh awkwardly, plucking it from his fingers. "That''s private."


    He grins, hands raised. "My apologies, baby."


    We get ready for bed. He brushes his teeth while I tie my hair up. His cologne hangs in the air, and I blink a few times at the bathroom mirror, unsure what I''m looking for.


    I feel off.


    "How''s it been here?" he asks when we climb under the sheets. "Aside from Zaid being


    Zaid."


    He says it like it''s something bad and I''m not sure how to take that. I settle into the pillow, tucking the nket under my arm. "It''s been good. I started therapy. Met my


    father''s sister."


    He turns his head toward me, a frown on his face. ¡°I didn''t think therapy was your thing."


    I sigh."I didn''t either, but it''s been helping."


    He hums, nomittal, then adds, "Didn''t realize you had family here either."


    My throat tightens at that. Zaid knew. He paid attention.


    I don''t respond. I don''t need to.


    Jake shifts closer, his fingers tracing a path up my arm. His touch is gentle, familiar. He leans in, kissing me softly. "I missed you."


    I don''t answer. He kisses me again, slower. His hand slides to my hip.


    I let him, but somewhere between his kiss and his fingertips, I realize I''m not really


    here. My body is, maybe. But my mind is somewhere else. Caught in that strange space between habit and guilt and obligation.


    I used to crave this.


    Used to findfort in his touch.


    Now? Now, I feel disconnected. Like I''m ying a role I''ve outgrown.


    Somewhere Else-2


    His lips brush my shoulder, and I close my eyes, willing my heartbeat to find some rhythm that makes sense.


    It doesn''t. And I think about how this isn''t what I want. Not anymore.


    But I don''t say it, the words stay stuck in my throat.

 Chapter 227

    Clear and Fragile


    I wake up warm, but thefort in my chest slowly disappears into dread.


    The sheets are tangled around my legs, sunlight spilling through the cracks in the curtains, soft and golden. And Jake is beside me, his arm still draped across my waist, our


    bodies bare under the covers.


    My stomach twists, I struggle to breathe as I close my eyes and cuss to myself


    under my


    breath. Fuck. Fuck.


    I used to wake up like this and feelfort and familiarity. I would sigh and be happy for


    the quiet ease of something that made sense.


    But now, I just feel guilty, and I don''t know why.


    This wasn''t new, this wasn''t wrong. I''ve slept with him before, plenty of times, even when


    I knew I was falling for Zaid.


    So why does it feel like I did something I shouldn''t have?


    I shift carefully, slipping from under the covers without waking him. My pajamas


    are


    spread across the bed. I put them on quickly, trying to ignore the ache in my chest.


    I head into the bathroom, and when I look at my reflection; I wince.


    I can''t tell if I am as tired and washed out as I look, or if maybe I just don''t like myself


    today. Maybe I just don''t like what I see.


    I shower in silence, scrubbin my skin until it feels new ain. When I step back into the room, Jake is still asleep. I nce at the clock. He''s probably exhausted from the time change. We stayed up sote for himst night.


    I give him onest nce before stepping out into the hallway.


    The door to Zaid''s room creaks open as I pass. He''s standing there, like he was waiting for me. His smile is soft and sleepy, his hair a little messy, like he just ran his hands through


    1. it.


    "Hey," he says.


    Clear and Fragile


    "Hey."


    He reaches out, catching my fingers, and tugs me into his room. His lips are on mine before I can think, his body pressing mine gently back against the wall. I melt into him, my arms looping around his neck.


    This is what I was looking for. This feels like home.


    When he pulls away, his smile turnsnguid. "Happy birthday, love."


    My heart stutters. It fills so fast I swear it might lift me off the floor. But then he looks at me. Really looks at me. And suddenly I feel like ss, clear and fragile and breakable. I stop breathing.


    Can he see right through me?


    His hands are on the wall on either side of me, his eyes narrowing just slightly. "You slept with him."


    It''s not a question. I nod slowly. "It just happened."


    He leans back, jaw tight, and then gives me a clipped smile.


    "I''m sorry."


    He shakes his head. "No, don''t apologize. It''s fine. We agreed to this, right? Whatever makes you happy."


    I flinch. "Zaid."


    But he''s already pulling the door open. "I want you to have a good day, okay? Have fun.


    I''ll be here when you''re ready for dinner with Elena."


    And then he''s gone. Just like that.


    I walk out, heart heavy, back down the hall. I wait for Jake to wake up and ster


    a fake smile on my face as he wishes me a happy birthday.


    We spend the day together. He takes me to brunch, gives me a ne that I will never use. He seems to notice something''s off, but like me, he avoids the conversation.


    Clear and Fragile


    It''s when he silences the fifth call of the day that I start to feel like maybe he is using me as a distraction. Maybe he came here more for himself than for me.


    He tells me stories and pretends he''s not thinking about the nosedive hispany is in. I smile, nod,ugh in the right ces.


    But my thoughts are miles away. They''re with Zaid because I want to be with him.


    Wee back home just as the sun is beginning to set. The sound of a car in the driveway has me walking from the kitchen to the front door.


    My mouth drops open when I see Elena pull up to the house in a sleek, champagne colored car. She''s smiling wide, her arms in the air as she sticks her body out of the window.


    "Surprise!" she beams when I walk out.


    "Oh my god," I squeal, looking at the driver for a second before running toward Elena. She gets out of the car, wrapping her arms around me. She feels like dad. "Happy birthday!"


    I try not to cry as I press into her chest, wrapping my arms around her. "Thank you."


    She pulls away, looking over my shoulder at the house. I twist to see both Jake


    and Zaid there. Jake smiles softly at Elena, his eyebrows raised and Zaid stands further back, watching me.


    "Who''s this?" Elena asks, standing next to me.


    "Um, this is Zaid''s dad," I whisper, avoiding his gaze.


    I can tell that he stiffens, that he gives me an incredulous look, but Elena gives me


    no indication that she notices. They introduce each other.


    "Why don''t you join us?" She asks him.


    I almost say no for him. But he''s already smiling politely, nodding. "I''d love to."


    Dinner is at a candlelit rooftop restaurant she clearly handpicked. The view is stunning. The food, exquisite.


    Clear and Fragile


    But I can''t taste any of it. Because I''m sitting between Jake and Zaid.


    Zaid''s knee is close to mine but never touches. His jaw tight and silent. He''s polite and


    speaks with Elena easy enough. It''s when Jake talks that he gets ufortably quiet.


    Jake''s hand rests on the back of my chair, his thumb asionally brushing against my


    back.


    And me? I sit right there, trying to breathe. Trying not to break.


    Elena smiles at me halfway to dinner, then looks at Zaid, shooting me a questioning gaze. I shake my head, trying to tell her that we will talk about itter. She seems to


    understand that I don''t want to talk about it yet.


    Jake falls out of the conversation when Elena and I start talking about art and my therapy.


    Zaid keeps up with us.


    "Okay, but what is that box you sent her?" Zaid asks, a look of confusion on his


    face.


    I blush, trying not to show that I do not know what to do with a gift she probably spent a


    lot of money on.


    Elena bursts outughing. "I have no idea. Your grandmother gave it to me on my eighteenth birthday. I missed yours, but hey, neen isn''t too bad."


    I startughing. ¡°Wait, so you don''t even know what it is?"


    She shakes her head. "I think it''s just for decor. Haven''t really found anything


    about it."


    Weugh, and that eases the tension. I lean into Zaid, subconsciously reaching


    for his hand. He stiffens for a moment, but keeps his hold on me. He widens his legs, letting his


    knee finally touch mine.


    For a moment, I forget that Jake is there.


    I need to break up with him.

 Chapter 228

    A Grown Man


    We pull into the driveway in the dark, the cool air of the night brushing against my cheeks.


    I would be cold if I weren''t flushed. If my heart wasn''t racing in my chest. If my stomach wasn''t so twisted.


    Elena was so animated the whole ride home and I could only offer her random smiles and nods as if I was listening and notpletely in my head. I was sandwiched between Jake and Zaid, and my head was too. Ping ponging between the two.


    The second the car stops, I''m ready to bolt inside.


    "Thank you so much for dinner, Elena. I had a great time." I nod at her, turning to walk inside.


    But she catches my arm. She has a frown on her face and she watches me diligently. "Will you sit with me for a moment?"


    I hesitate, ncing toward the front door like it''s some kind of escape where I can drown in my thoughts. Jake and Aiden have already disappeared behind it, so it''s just us.


    I nod. "Yeah. Of course."


    We settle on the porch steps, the wood cool beneath us. Elena crosses her legs and studies me for a long, silent second. The tension in her face makes my chest tighten.


    "You weren''t yourself tonight. I was kind of hoping for a more fun night," she says gently.


    I nod, looking down at myp. "Jake being here threw me off."


    She tilts her head. "What''s going on?"


    I exhale hard, twisting my fingers together in myp. "I did something wrong."


    Elena tilts her head in the opposite direction, like a bird, and waits.


    "I just..." I look down, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Please don''t judge me."


    "I won''t," she says, her voice determined.


    A Grown Man


    "I''ve been in a rtionship with him," I whisper.


    Her frown deepens. "With Zaid?"


    I shake my head. "No, Jake."


    Her eyes widen slightly, but she doesn''t interrupt.


    "It''s a long story," I rush out. "A really long story. And I''m not going to get into the details right now. But it happened. We''ve been together. Since before, I had feelings with


    Zaid. I lost my virginity to him."


    She gasps, cing a hand over her mouth. "With Jake?"


    I nod, grimacing.


    Elena''s expression shifts. Disbelief. Frustration. Hurt, maybe. She exhales slowly and looks away for a moment, biting down on whatever it is she wants to say. She settles on two


    words. "That''s diabolical."


    I flinch.


    She reaches for me, cing a hand on mine. "Of him, not you."


    "That''s not the worst part."


    She lifts an eyebrow.


    "I slept with him. Last night." I choke on the words.


    If I thought she was shocked before, this leaves her incredibly pale. Reminds me


    of the time I told my dad that I was in love with the boy next door because he had


    a golden retriever. Things were so simple then.


    "I thought it was what I wanted," I say. "Jake helped me. He was the first one to make me


    feel seen and wanted after my dad and Alex died. I was so lost and alone and he just... he


    made me feel like I mattered. But now, I don''t want this."


    "Why not?" she asks calmly.


    I shrug. "My heart, it doesn''t belong to him."


    A Grown Man


    Elena looks back at me, sharp. "Then who does it belong to?"


    I don''t even hesitate. "Zaid."


    And saying it out loud, so clear and final, makes my eyes sting. "I love him. And I don''t know what to do now. I feel like I''m betraying Jake. Like I''m letting him down. And it hurts. But it hurt so much more to see Zaid and the disappointment in his eyes when he knew I was with Jakest night. It hurt so much."


    There''s a beat of silence, and then Elena stands up, pacing a few steps before turning to me with fire in her eyes.


    "Alina, I love you. So I''m going to say this inly, and you better listen."


    I blink at her, heart hammering.


    "You don''t owe Jake anything."


    My breath catches.


    "You don''t owe him your time, your body, or your happiness. He''s a grown man, for fuck''s sake. He made his choices. He''s not your responsibility. And I will not go in there and give him a piece of my mind, because this, this isn''t about him or me trying to be a protective aunt. It''s about you."


    She crouches down in front of me, her voice softening, my hands in hers. "Your heart is with Zaid. Anyone with eyes can see that. I knew it the day I met you. You''re still figuring it out, and that''s okay. But don''t tie yourself to someone just because you feel guilty. You''re allowed to grow. To change. To want more."


    I feel the tears slide down my cheeks before I even realize I''m crying. "I just, I didn''t want to be this person."


    "What person?"


    "The one who hurts someone. The one who breaks a heart. Who uses people and then leaves them."


    Elena reaches out, cupping my face in her hands. "You''re not breaking him.. You''re setting yourself free. You''re neen. You are the only person who should matter to you


    A Grown Man


    right now."


    I nod, because I don''t know what else to do. Because my chest is too full, and my head is spinning, and yet, somehow, I feel lighter.


    "Thank you," I whisper.


    She smiles, brushing the tears off my cheeks. "I''m always here. Now go inside. Breathe. And do whatever it is you need to do. You have my number. Call me, okay?"


    I stand, my legs trembling. Elena gives my hand onest squeeze before I open the front door. I stand there, listening to the car as her drivers takes her away.


    The house is quiet. The lights are dim. I close my eyes and inhale. I think through her words.


    What is the best thing for me?


    Chapter Comments


    dom Wilt


    TOTALLY GREAT READ. MORE, PLEASE!

 Chapter 229

    ATTIOnce


    Depends on How This Conversation Goes


    The only thing I can hear as I walk through the foyer is the pounding in my chest.


    I don''t want to sleep with Jake tonight, so the only way to do this is to end it now.


    I turn the corner and find Jake. He''s at the kitchen ind, hunched over his


    Nerves rush through me until I feel like I might be sick. Maybe it''s not the best time. Maybe this can wait until tomorrow.


    He runs a hand through his hair, muttering something under his breath. I''m about to step away and sneak upstairs when he sees me.


    In two seconds, his face shifts. It softens. There''s a flicker of relief in his eyes, something like want and hope all mixed up into one.


    All it does is crush me, because I can''t return it. I can''t smile back. I can''t pretend.


    He notices and sighs, shaking his head slightly as he frowns. "You''ve been acting weird around me."


    I shake my head quickly. "I haven''t."


    "Don''t lie to me," he says.


    I nce away, trying to breathe through the guilt tightening around my lungs. My fingers curl around the edge of the counter as I struggle to find words that won''t burning out. I feel guilty; I know I shouldn''t.


    Logically, what Elena said made sense. But you know who doesn''t care about logic? My stupid heart.


    Jake closes hisptop and looks at me, eyes hard. "Is it because you and Zaid are back together?"


    I frown, shaking my head.


    "Wait, are you together?"


    Depends on How This Conversation Goes


    I open my mouth, but nothinges out. How do I exin something I''m not even sure


    of myself? It''s not ck and white. It never was.


    I start to speak, but nothinges.


    Jake lets out a frustrated breath and runs his hands down his face. "I need to know where


    your head''s at, Alina. I flew across the goddamn country to see you."


    I look at him then. Really look. "Did youe here for me? Or for you?"


    His eyes narrow. "What''s that supposed to mean?"


    "It''s just a question, Jake."


    He hesitates. "Can''t it be both?"


    I guess it can be. That''s how rtionships work, right? But hising here hasn''t felt


    good. It feels like a bump in the road. Like a stop.


    "How long do you n on staying?" I ask quietly instead.


    He shrugs. "Depends on how this conversation goes."


    I flinch and a terrible heat bubbles inside me. I''ve never broken up with someone


    and this isn''t exactly easy. "I think I should sleep on the couch."


    Jake stands suddenly, the stool scraping hard against the floor. "If you''re going to end


    this, you should have the guts to say the words."


    The air sucks out of the room. There''s a fire in his eyes I''ve never seen before. It hits me


    then that I''ve never seen him angry. At least not like this. Not at me.


    Heughs bitterly, shaking his head like he can''t believe this is happening. "You don''t get


    to act like the victim, Alina. I wanted to end this, remember?"


    I rub my hands down my arms.


    "You didn''t want to let go. You made me stay with you. I sent you here for your safety,


    and now you''re breaking up with me?"


    My voice cracks. "Jake, I didn''t mean to."


    Depends on How This Conversation Goes


    "Your age is showing. Immature," he snaps, voice rising.


    I jerk back like I''ve been pped. Tears spill down my cheeks before I can stop them. "I''m d you noticed it."


    "Fuck, Alina! You can''t throw that back in my face after everything!" he yells, loud enough that I know Zaid heard.


    A door ms upstairs. Footsteps. Zaid is in the doorway, eyes scanning the room beforending on Jake, then me. His chest rises and falls in quick, controlled breaths.


    "What the hell is going on?" He makes his way to stand next to me.


    I breathe out, half relieved.


    "Why the fuck are you yelling at her?"


    Jake turns to him, fury etched into every line of his face. "I have no fucking idea.


    I''m done here. She''s your problem now."


    He storms past Zaid and disappears up the stairs, footsteps heavy.


    I stand there, shaking, broken. Zaid watches me for a second, then steps toward me. "Alina? What happened?"


    I shake my head. "I-I think we just broke up."


    He blinks like he''s surprised, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. He reaches for me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I fall into him. My fingers clutch his shirt, my forehead pressed to his chest.


    "I''ve never seen him like that," I whisper.


    Zaid exhales, his hand stroking my hair. He looks down at me, eyes tired, sad, certain. "It was just never convenient for him to be angry with you. So he wasn''t."


    I don''t say anything to that, but feel my stomach sour.


    His hands are warm on my back, and I let myself breathe.


    Footsteps echo down the stairs. I don''t move, even as Zaid stiffens slightly beneath my


    Depends on How This Conversation Goes


    hands. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jake step into the kitchen, his bag slung over one shoulder and his backpack in his other hand. His jaw is clenched, his eyes darker than I''ve ever seen them.


    Disappointment crosses his eyes, and it looks so much like defeat. I have to swallow the guilt rising in my throat. His gazends on me, still wrapped up in Zaid''s arms.


    "I''ll stay at a hotel," he says, voice quiet as he shakes head. "I''ll head back home


    in the morning."


    My throat tightens.


    He looks at me again. "Happy birthday, Alina."


    Then he turns, and just like that, he''s gone.


    The front door closes behind him, and the silence he leaves in his wake is


    deafening.


    Zaid doesn''t let go of me. His arms stay around me, steadying me as I try to process what just happened. My birthday. The end of something. The beginning of something else.


    I exhale shakily, pressing my forehead to Zaid''s shoulder.


    I don''t cry. Not this time, because I feel free.

 Chapter 230

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    Not Fixed


    Zaid and I stay in the living room longer than we probably should, sitting in the quiet of everything that''s happened. The house feels heavier now and part of me feels like I''ve ruined everything.


    His arm is draped along the back of the couch behind me, his thigh brushing mine. My heart races as I focus on that small touch. It might seem so insignificant, but it''s like food


    to a starving man.


    We sit in silence, neither of us saying anything, but I don''tin. The silence is needed and his presence is enough.


    Eventually, I sit up straighter, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt. "I''m gonna head up to bed."


    Zaid shifts beside me. "Are you gonna be okay?"


    I nod, offering a faint smile. "I''ll deal with it."


    It''s the only honest answer I have. I lean in and press a kiss to his cheek, my lips brushing his skin for just a second too long.


    "Thank you for sitting here with me."


    His eyes trace the side of my face. "I feel like we need a do over for our birthday."


    That makes me smile for real. "I wouldn''t be opposed to that."


    I try to get up, but his fingers curl gently around my wrist, stopping me.


    He takes a breath like he''s about to say something difficult. "I''m here for you, love."


    My heart stutters. I meet his eyes, and all I see there is sincerity. There''s no expectation, just him.


    I nod, cing my hand lightly over his before managing to slip away. "I know."


    I head upstairs, into the quiet of my room. The door clicks shut behind me, and I


    half expect the weight of it all to crash over me, but it doesn''t,


    Not Fixed


    I crawl into bed, and I sigh. The sheets are cool against my skin.


    I wait for the tears, but they nevere. I''m not heartbroken. I''m not even angry. Just


    sad.


    Jake''s reaction reys in my mind. The way he yelled. The way his voice cracked. The look in his eyes when he walked out.


    I didn''t know he could be that angry.


    And even though I understand why, the guilt in me settles like a stone in my stomach.


    Eventually, sleep finds me. It''s restless and shallow and full of blurry dreams I can''t hold


    on to. I wake up tired. The sky is still gray blue and my body moves before my mind


    catches up.


    I''m out of bed, down the hall, then down the stairs. The house is still and quiet.


    I sit at the kitchen ind with my journal, flipping past pages already inked with


    my


    rands and my feelings of chaos and hope. I click my pen and start writing, unloading


    every thought onto the page.


    I recount everything about Jake, about Elena, about Zaid. About the way I don''t quite


    recognize myself sometimes, but I think maybe that''s okay.


    When I finish, I stretch, close the journal, and head toward the coffee machine. The smell of fresh grounds calms me before the first drip even hits the carafe.


    My phone buzzes on the counter, and I nce down.


    Aiden.


    A smile breaks across my face, and I answer. "Hey!"


    ¡°Happy birthday, baby," he says, a little breathless. "Sorry I didn''t call yesterday. Practice rante, and then we had a special training session for those of us looking to impress colleges, Coach made us do this team dinner thing and...''


    ">


    Iugh softly, ¡°Aiden, it''s okay. Your voice message was enough."


    We talk for a while. I tell him about Elena and my therapy, like I always do. He listens,


    Not Fixed


    like he always does. Then I breathe in, readying myself.


    "Jake and I broke up."


    There''s a pause. I can practically hear the way he tenses. Then he sighs. "I knew


    he went to see you. But I didn''t know that''s how things were gonna go."


    "Me either," I admit. "It just happened. It didn''t feel right anymore." "You okay?"


    I nod, even though he can''t see me. "Yeah. Zaid''s been supportive."


    "That''s good." His voice softens. "You deserve that. I love you, okay? And it''s only like a month and a half until I''m there, okay? After graduation, I''m there."


    My chest aches in a warm way. "I can''t wait to see you."


    We say goodbye and I hang up just as Zaid walks into the kitchen, rubbing sleep from his


    eyes.


    He makes a beeline for the coffeepot. "Morning."


    "Morning." I smile at him, taking in the expanse of his chest.


    "You''re up early." He pours us each a cup, then adds a little milk and honey into mine and hands it to me.


    "I couldn''t sleep." I take a sip and sigh happily.


    "Who were you talking to?" he asks, sipping his own.


    "Aiden," I reply.


    His lips twitch into a soft smile. "How''s he doing with basketball and everything?"


    "Sounds like he''s doing really well. He said he''ll be here after graduation."


    "Good,¡± Zaid says, and there''s something warm in his voice.


    His gaze drifts to the kitchen ind, and I watch as his eyesnd on my journal.


    He picks


    Not Fixed


    it up slowly, flipping through the pages with gentle fingers.


    I expect to feel protective and defensive. But I don''t.


    Everything in there is something I''d tell him if he asked. There''s nothing I want to


    hide.


    He nces up at me. "You''ve really been using this."


    I nod. "It''s been helping. A lot."


    He smiles at that, and there''s pride in it. "Can I drive you to your therapist today? I


    was gonna run some errands anyway, thought we''d make the trip together."


    I sip my coffee, then smile. "That sounds good."


    We spend the next few minutes making breakfast together. Eggs, toast, turkey


    sausage. The kitchen fills with thefort of familiarity.


    I can''t stop looking at him, thankful that he is treating me like everything is normal.


    Not fixed.


    Not whole.


    But normal.

 Chapter 231

    A Year 1 Week Later


    I crinkly my nose at the dried paint under my fingernails, then scratch the skin


    of my palm where I have a streak of blue paint. I swipe at my face and sigh when I realize I just


    dirtied my cheek.


    The air in my room smells faintly of paint and canvas. The tip of my brush moves slowly, carefully, as I blend the shades of shadow around my grandfather''s eyes.


    Elena gave me enough pictures of him and my grandmother that I''ve finally convinced myself to attempt to paint them. At this point, I''ve memorized the slope of his cheekbone


    like it''s my own.


    She actually gave me a stack of old family photographs and some of my dad''s paintings earlier this week. I cried the first night I looked through them.


    Now I paint them the photographs. It feels like a small way to keep them here when I know they''ve all left this life.


    My therapist says painting is a healthy outlet. That it''s good for me to have something to do with my hands, something that helps me process the sadness and the heat that still lingers under my skin from time to time.


    The ache of a breakup, the frustration of a body that still wants instead of processing.


    So I paint. And I forget, for a little while, that the world is bigger than this canvas. It feels good to create, to have something that''s just mine.


    A soft knock breaks the silence, and I smile.


    "Come in," I say, turning from the canvas.


    The door creaks open and Zaid leans against the frame, arms crossed, head tilted slightly


    as he watches me.


    "You''ve got paint, everywhere," he says, the corner of his mouth lifting in amusement.


    "upational hazard," I tease, smiling.


    A Year


    He steps into the room and closes the door behind him, his footsteps soft as he


    approaches me. His fingers reach out, gently, as he brushes the pad of his thumb across


    my cheek.


    My stomach twists, and I lean into his touch. It ignites me, calms me, and sets me on fire


    all at the same time.


    "You have no idea what time it is, do you?"


    I straighten in my seat and blink at him.


    He smiles softly, his eyes shining as he traces the curves of my eyes. He cups my face,


    fingers curling lightly around my jaw, his touch so familiar now it feels like the only thing keeping me here.


    My breath turns heavy, and I swallow the lump in my throat. "What time is it?" "Six," he says.


    I blink again, startled. "Shit."


    I leap to my feet, nearly knocking over my water jar in the process. "We have to leave. I


    need to shower, I need to, ugh, my hair."


    Zaidughs, warm andpletely unbothered. He doesn''t rush me, just watches as I start peeling off my paint sttered shirt and hopping out of the room, already halfway to the


    bathroom.


    "You''re wee for the reminder," he calls after me.


    I nce back just once, catching him leaning in my doorway. He''s still smiling, and the look on his face makes my chest do something light and unfamiliar. Like he could stay like that forever, watching me run around like a maniac, and be perfectly happy.


    It''s forty-five minutes before we''re in his car, music ying low as we drive through the evening light. I keep sneaking nces at him, and he keeps pretending not to notice.


    Elena''s house smells like rosemary and something buttery when we walk in. Dinner''s already set. She waves us in, kissing both our cheeks before settling into her chair.


    We eat slow. Zaid and I leaning into each other as we tell Elena about our week. The


    3:25 pm L


    A Year


    conversation is easy andfortable. I talk to her about this new oil paint I''ve been


    trying. It''s harder to work with than acrylic. Slower to dry, the texture is different, and I''m struggling to get the lines I want.


    "I''m proud of you," she says, looking over her winess. "You''re being patient with the


    process."


    "I''m trying," I say, pushing a piece of roasted potato around my te. "But I''m not sure oil and I arepatible. It''s hard."


    "Most worthwhile things are," she says gently.


    There''s a pause, then she sighs. Her eyes flick to Zaid, then back to me. There''s something in her face that shifts. It softens with sadness, and yet I see the determination behind her


    eyes.


    "I have some news," she says.


    My stomach dips. I don''t know why I have the feeling that it''s bad news. "Okay."


    "I''ve been offered a curatorial fellowship in Florence," she says.


    My fork pauses halfway to my mouth.


    "It''s through the Uffizi," she continues. "They''re building a new private exhibition focused on lost Renaissance works, pieces that were either destroyed, stolen, or simply never seen by the public. They''ve invited a handful of curators from around the world to


    consult and help rebuild it."


    "Wait, the Uffizi?" I ask, blinking.


    Zaid tilts his head slightly. He looks between the two of us like we grew second heads. "What''s the Uffizi?"


    I let out a breathlessugh as I turn to face him. "They''re one of the most famous art museums in the world. It''s in Florence." I look back at Elena. "That''s insane."


    Zaid raises his eyebrows. "Damn. That sounds serious."


    "It is," I say, still trying to wrap my head around it.


    3:25 pm f


    A Year


    She nods, smiling, though there''s something fragile behind her eyes. "It''s a once-in-a- lifetime opportunity. A full year in Italy, working with pieces most people will never even get close to. Research, restoration partnerships, archival ess, everything I''ve spent thest twenty years preparing for." "That''s huge," I say, staring at her. "Elena, oh my god. That''s incredible." "Thank you," she says softly. "It feels like the right next step." There''s a beat of silence. Zaid is watching me carefully. I''m ovee by a sudden wave of sadness. She''ll be gone for a year. A whole year, and I feel like we just started to build our


    rtionship.


    Then Elena reaches across the table, her fingers brushing mine. "I was


    hoping you''d want


    toe with me."


    My heart stutters.


    "You could paint. Study. Take sses if you wanted. The program director


    already said they''d sponsor a residency for an emerging artist. This could be


    a chance for you to really step into who you are, Alina."


    I nce at Zaid. He''s already looking at me, unreadable, but quiet.


    A year. In Florence. Painting. Starting fresh.


    I don''t know what to say. Not yet. I feel like I''m standing at the edge of two


    very different paths, and I don''t know which one to follow.

 Chapter 232

    He Is Home


    The drive back home is quiet.


    I feel the lump in my throat, my mouth dry. It makes my tongue stick to the top of my mouth and I don''t even know how to start this conversation.


    Zaid has one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his thigh, and I can see the way his fingers flex every so often. I want to reach for his hand, ce it on myp and caress his


    skin.


    But I don''t know what he needs from me right now. His jaw is tight. He hasn''t said a word since we left Elena''s. The soft hum of the engine fills the silence between us. Music no longer ys from the speakers, and my thoughts are anything but quiet.


    My stomach twists, each turn of the road feeling like it coils the nerves in my gut tighter and tighter. I can''t stop thinking about Elena''s offer and what that means for me and


    Zaid.


    A full year in Florence, of painting, of freedom, of finally stepping into something that feels like it was made just for me. It feels like a godsend.


    I nce at Zaid. The tension in his shoulders, the way he''s chewing on the inside


    of his cheek. Leaving him now, after everything, feels like the cruelest thing I could ever do.


    "Zaid," I whisper as we turn into the house.


    He doesn''t look at me. He pulls into the garage and parks. For a moment, he just sits there. Then finally, he says quietly, "It''s okay. You don''t have to make your decision based


    on me."


    Before I can argue, he''s out of the car.


    I follow him into the hous my chest tight, my hands useless at my sides. He walks straight to the kitchen, standing at the ind with his hands shoved into his pockets, staring down like the marble surface holds the answer to all of this.


    I walk around the ind, pushing myself between him and the counter until his body has


    no choice but to make space for mine. I reach up and cup his face, forcing him to look at


    1. me.


    He Is Home


    "Zaid," I say softly. "You must not understand what I feel for you. Everything I do, I take you into ount. Every choice, every thought, you''re in there. In my head, in my heart.


    Always."


    His eyes close and he leans forward, his forehead pressing gently against mine. He breathes me in, and I watch as goosebumps cover his skin. His hands finally move, wrapping around my waist, dragging me close until there''s nothing left between us.


    My chest is against his, my legs pressed with his, our hips touching. I hum, satisfied by the feeling of his body pressed to mine. We''re two puzzle pieces that have finally found


    each other.


    "I''m going to miss you," he whispers.


    My brows pinch. "I haven''t even decided yet."


    He pulls back just enough to look at me, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. His


    umb lingers against my cheek.


    "Of course you''re going," he says, so gently it almost breaks me. "You can''t not go, Alina. It''s an amazing opportunity. You have to go. You''ll regret it if you don''t."


    My throat thickens. "I don''t know if I can go a year without you."


    He smiles, soft and sad all at once. "Maybe that''s exactly why you should go."


    We stay like that for a while, wrapped in each other. I don''t want to be separated from him for so long. It''s unfathomable.


    He pulls back with a spark in his eye, like we weren''t just on the verge of crying. "Come on. I have a surprise for you."


    I blink. "What?"


    He takes my hand and starts walking us toward the stairs. "Your birthday present.


    It just took me longer to put it together."


    "Zaid, what? You''re lying." I try tough it off, but I want to disappear into the ground because no part of me feels like I deserve something else from him right


    now.


    He doesn''t answer. Just keeps walking me up to the second floor, toward the room he''s


    He Is Home


    always joked about turning into a game room. I frown.


    "I don''t y video games," I remind him, a teasing smile on my face.


    He chuckles, his fingers squeezing mine. "Yeah. Good thing this isn''t a game room."


    When he opens the door, my breath leaves me.


    I step inside slowly, heart pounding, eyes darting from corner to corner. There''s an easel set up in the center of the room, a wooden stool in front of it. Brand new brushes sit in ss jars, sorted by size. Tubes of paint are stacked neatly on the side table, and next to them, a few of the paintings my father did. Hung on the walls under soft spotlights.


    There''s arge window that leads to the porch, and I can already imagine the way light will pour in here in the mornings.


    New nk canvases lean against the wall, waiting for me.


    My body goes numb. The world muffles around me like I''m underwater. I turn to him with tears in my eyes.


    He smiles, gently and yet a little nervous. "Now you won''t have to hunch over your desk anymore-"


    But he doesn''t get to finish the sentence.


    I cross the room in three quick steps and kiss him. My arms wrap around his neck, bringing him in closer to me.


    He catches me instantly, hands on my waist, lips moving with mine. There''s no awkwardness or hesitation in our movements. It''s the most natural thing to be with


    him.


    When we finally pull apart, I''m breathless. And more certain than ever that no matter


    where I go, this is home.


    He is home.

 Chapter 236

    We stare at each other for a moment, and then our lips are on each other once more. His are soft against mine and yet, it''s like he''s kissing me with everything he has.


    Zaid pulls me closer, his hands sliding beneath my shirt. His fingers dance over my skin and I shiver. It drives me crazy and I run my fingers through his hair, pulling him against


    1. me.


    I gasp into his mouth as his fingers find the curve of my waist. His touch is greedy, feeling me like he''s starving for my skin. One of his hands presses against my lower back, the other slips higher, his thumb brushing just under the back of my bra.


    It sends a tremble through my body, a moan past my lips.


    The anticipation in my chest increases into an aching pain. I''ve missed this. I want to cry from the realization, but I swallow it down, afraid that it will make him stop. My fingers flutter down to his neck, my hips driving into his.


    He turns us, pressing me against the wall.


    My back meets the surface with a thud, but I barely notice it. All I feel is him. His mouth moving with mine, his chest rising and falling fast against mine. His knee presses gently between my legs, and my breath stutters as I clutch his shirt in my fists.


    Need blooms low in my stomach. Spreading. Twisting. Craving.


    He pulls away.


    His breathing is ragged. His brows drawn. He''s shaking his head.


    "We shouldn''t." His voice is strained, his jaw clenched.


    But I don''t let go. My hands are already beneath his shirt, palms t against the hard lines of his stomach. The heat of his skin is fire andfort and everything I like. My gaze finds his, and J know he can see it in my eyes.


    "Zaid," I whisper, my voice shaking. "I''m not trying to run from anything. I''m not trying to lose myself."


    I press my forehead to his, our breaths tangled.


    "I''m trying to be here. With you. Right now. I want this. I want you. Not as a distraction. Not because I''m scared. But because I love you. And I want to feel that. I want to feel


    connected to you in every way possible."


    His eyes search mine. They''re dark and burning. They remind me of the night sky, glittering with stars, light in the darkest ces.


    He blinks, eyes softening because he sees the honesty and rity in my own eyes.


    His hands slide up to my face, fingers tangling in my hair, and he kisses me again. Fuck, he kisses me like he''s never going to stop.


    It''s slower now, more certain and more intimate. We''re not running anymore, we''re not chasing a high. We''re making something, building a memory breath by breath.


    His hands move as he continues to kiss me, gently removing my sweater. Slowly unzipping my pants. I pull back to watch him, following the curves of his face as he lowers his hand between my legs.


    gasp, back arching when he presses his finger against my clit and starts rubbing circles. His eyes hood over and the pure hunger in his look makes me roll my hips.


    My body breaks into goosebumps and my hands tighten into fists as I hold on to his shirt. It''s so fast, but I want to explode already.


    His fingers don''t rush. They slowly caress my clit until I;m trembling, until my legs buckle and he has to support me with an arm around my waist.


    I''m panting for breath as I look up at him. My fingers trace the line of his jaw and he leans into my touch, eyes fluttering closed.


    Without saying a word, Zaid gently lowers us both to the floor. I feel the cool hardwood against the backs of my thighs as I sink down, his body following mine in a slow, fluid


    motion.

 Chapter 237

    I can''t stop looking at him.


    The way his eyes never leave mine, even as his hands trail over my arms.


    My fingers find the hem of his shirt, and he lets me peel it off of him. When I press my palms to his chest, I feel his heart thudding beneath my touch.


    Is he nervous?


    He leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth, then my jaw, then the sensitive ce beneath my ear. My skines alive with every brush of his lips.


    His hands slide beneath my shirt, the pads of his fingers grazing my stomach. He pulls the fabric up, inch by inch, his eyes scanning every part of me as if it''s the first time he''s seeing me.


    This isn''t about forgetting. Not for either of us.


    This is about knowing.


    Knowing each other deeper than we ever have. Letting ourselves be seen and be loved. I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, pulling him down for another kiss.


    Heys me down fully, his body covering mine but never pressing too hard. My hands drop to his pants, to his zipper, and then I''m reaching inside for his cock.


    My breath hitches, he tenses, a moan escaping his lips.


    Fuck, he''s so hard. So hot. His skin is practically burning mine.


    His hips jerk against me, his cock sliding through my palm. A moan rumbles deep through his throat. "Oh, fuck, I''ve been deprived of your touch for too long. I don''t know how long I''llst."


    I shake my head, my lips grazing his. "I don''t care, I just want to be with you."


    "My love," He whispers against my corbone, and the sound of it makes me shiver. He kisses me there and then lifts his face to watch me.


    He presses at my entrance, his hands dropping to my knees. I shudder with the anticipation, loosening my hips so that he can open me wide, my legs around his hips.


    The muscles in his neck tense, his eyes simmering with heat. He slowly sinks into me, my breath leaving me in a desperate, delicious moan. He stretches me with every inch of him


    and I bury my nails into his shoulders as I take his girth.


    Zaid looks at me like I''m the only thing that matters.


    He drops to his forearms when he''spletely inside me. I pulse around him, blinking through the pain of stretching and breathing through the pleasure of having him inside


    1. me.


    His lips find my neck and he breathes heavily into my skin. "You''re perfect."


    My nipples perk, grazing the skin of his chest. "Zaid."


    He lifts his head, eyes on me as he slowly rolls his hips. Pleasure sparks through me and I keep my eyes on him.


    I don''t want to lose sight of who''s infront of me, of who is making me feel all of these


    things. Of who is making love to me.


    I let myself feel it all.


    Every brush of skin, every sigh, every drive of his cock inside me.


    We don''t say the words again, but we don''t have to. It''s so obvious in the way we


    move


    together. Obvious in the way we look at each other without looking away.


    This is us making love, the realist thing I have ever experiences.


    He''s real.


    I love him so much it feels like my heart can''t contain it. It aches with it.


    He groans softly into my mouth, pulling me impossibly closer. His movements turn


    quicker, harder. My own climax crests through me.


    This is more than sex. This is everything.


    And being with him? Letting myself have this?


    It doesn''t feel like falling.


    It feels like breathing.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 238

    It takes me a while to realize I''m in Zaid''s bed when I first open my eyes to the


    morning


    sun.


    His arms are wrapped around my waist, our legs tangled together like we fell asleep like that and never wanted to separate. His chest rises and falls behind my back, his breath


    warm on my neck.


    My body shivers and I try to hold back theugh that wants to bubble from my chest. I''m grinning like an idiot, though.


    My heart takes on an odd beat in my chest. Maybe I don''t have to leave. Maybe I don''t


    have to go to Florence with my aunt.


    Because what if what I''m looking for is already here?


    I turn slowly, careful not to wake him, and look at him. He has this crease between his brows even in sleep, like there''s always something weighing on him in his thoughts. His lips are parted slightly, and I swear I could spend the rest of my day looking at him.


    Memorizing his features.


    I lean forward and kiss the corner of his mouth, not able to help myself. His brow twitches and my smile widens. I kiss him again.


    He stirs, his eyes fluttering open, heavy with sleep. A sleepy smile curves his lips.


    "Did you just kiss me?" he asks, voice rough with sleep.


    I giggle, turning to lie on my stomach as I set my arms on his chest, propping my chin. "Maybe."


    He smiles down at me. "Morning."


    "Morning," I whisper back.


    He leans in and kisses me again, unhurried. And for a few heartbeats, there''s nothing but the warmth of his mouth and the way his hands find my waist beneath the sheets.


    3:04 am SnD


    We shower together, stealingzy kisses beneath the water, and I keep catching myself smiling. The kind of smile that creeps up without permission, the kind that belongs to


    someone happy.


    There have been only a handful of times where I''ve felt like that since my dad and Alex passed away. But this feels like something that couldst a lifetime.


    Downstairs, Zaid moves around the kitchen, bare feet against the hardwood, coffee brewing and music ying low. He''s humming softly, and I can''t stop staring at him. He''s only wearing pants, and it''s the best knowing that he feelsfortable enough around me to not care or even mention his scars.


    He''s always been beautiful to me.


    My phone buzzes on the counter, and I nce at it.


    Aunt Elena: Just sent you all the details for the trip! It''s official. Italy, here wee! June 4th. I know you''re still thinking about it, but I''m so excited for us.


    I read the words over and over again. Just an hour ago, I was content with the thought of staying here with Zaid. Now, I''m rethinking everything.


    My stomach flips, twisting around itself. I stare at the screen for a long time, the


    excitement I felt just yesterday, and thefort I felt this morning now clouded by doubt. I set the phone down quietly, swallowing.


    Zaid ces the coffee in front of me, his eyes swinging from me to my phone and back at me. "Is everything okay?"


    I press my lips together as I grab the mug. "Elena just texted me."


    "Oh?" He raises an eyebrow and takes a sip of his coffee.


    "She sent me the information for the trip. We would head out in June," I say,


    fingers tightening around the mug.


    His smile falters for just a second. A sh of sadness in his eyes, like he''s trying to hide it


    before I can catch it. But I see it.


    He forces his smile back and nods softly. "That''s good. It''s soon, but good."


    I can''t help it. The words tumble out before I even fully form them. "You coulde with us?"


    He stills. His hand is resting on the edge of the counter, and I see the way his fingers curl slightly before he inhales and turns to face me. His expression is gentle, but firm. "I can''t, Alina."


    Something inside me drops. "Oh."


    He steps closer, reaching out, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. His fingers linger there, just brushing my skin.


    "I want to," he says quietly. "God, I want to. But I have things I need to figure out too. Parts of me I still have to face. And I''m sure your aunt would have invited me too if she thought it was a good idea."


    Whatever high I was feeling fromst night crumples in an instant.


    He steps closer, pressing his forehead to mine. "Trust me, love, if this is real, then


    a year is nothingpared to the rest of our lives."


    I blink fast, the heat in my throat rising. "But what if it changes? What if we change?"


    He lifts my chin gently. "We will change. That''s the point. You''re going there to grow. To find yourself. I want that for you. I want you toe back knowing, loving yourself more than anything."


    I stare at him, my heart a storm.


    "What if you don''t want me anymore?" I ask, quieter than I mean to.


    His eyes shine with that aching, honest kind of love.


    "I''ll want you every fucking day," he says.


    "You say that now, but what if-"


    He doesn''t let me finish, pressing his lips to mine and wrapping his hand behind


    my neck. He tilts his head to get deeper ess, devouring me.


    When we pull apart, I''m struggling for breath.


    3:04 am


    "You have to trust me," he whispers.


    I swallow, nodding. There is no one I trust more than him.


    "You don''t have to doubt what we are, Alina. I''m not going anywhere. You''lle


    back and I''ll be here, doing what I know best. Waiting for you. Loving you."


    He presses a kiss to my forehead and turns around to start on breakfast.


    I stand there with my heart beating out of my chest, wondering how it''s possible


    for


    someone to make me feel like I''m flying.


    I''m still scared of leaving, still unsure of being away from him for so long. But Zaid


    has a way of calming me, of bringing me to understand that even in the chaos, there is still


    peace.


    He''s right.


    If this is real, and I believe with everything in me that it is, then time and distance


    won''t break it.


    And when Ie back, I''lle back not as someone trying to be whole, but as someone who is. As someone who has something to give.

 Chapter 239

    Time slips by in quiet routines that turn into our normal. The days are soft, happy. It makes me forget all the other things happening around us.


    Therapy gets easier, and then harder. It''s like a roller coaster, depending on what new trauma Cami wants to crack open in our sessions. I settle for going to her once a week and I never miss it, never cancel it.


    I find myself waking up in Zaid''s bed more often than not. Listening to him


    breathe, to the beat of his heart, is the best way to ward off the nightmares, and to


    make sure I sleep


    enough to function.


    The mornings are still. I usually go into the art room first thing and open the curtains wide to let the light spill into the room. I never stop being amazed at the sight. I never stop feeling emotional when I step inside and feel loved for being known so well.


    I never stop thanking him for it.


    Actually, I forced him to move his desk in herest week. He fought me for a full day until I physically dragged hisptop and wires in here and dared him to stop


    me.


    He usually sits across from me while I paint, headphones on, lost in lines of code or whatever it is that makes him mutter under his breath and rake his fingers through his


    hair. Sometimes we don''t speak for hours, just exist in the same space.


    And that''s enough.


    We haven''t had sex again.


    It''s not some decision we made or boundary we set, it''s just something unspoken. Right now, we''re focused. On ourselves. On healing. But still, there are nights when I climb into his bed without a word, and he opens his arms like he was waiting for me.


    And I sleep better than I ever have,


    Today, after breakfast, we went shopping.


    Elena came with us, as she insisted on buying me new clothes for our trip. I don''t have the heart to tell her that I haven''t made up my mind yet. Zaid is insisting I go, so I


    haven''t really told him about my doubts either.


    I don''t want to leave him.


    Zaid follows us around the stores and pretends to care about suitcase sizes but then gets very serious about which ones have the mostpartments. I try not tough.


    Later, we go out for dinner, just the two of us. A little ce with string lights on the patio


    and candles on the table.


    I twirl my fork in my pasta and nce at him over the rim of my ss. "How''s school


    been? And work?"


    Zaid leans back in his chair and sighs. "I''m ready to be done with senior year, I''m sure you are, too. Just a few more weeks of sses, but it feels like forever."


    "Yeah, but I bet it''s worst for you. You would''ve been donest year. But you''re almost there," I smile.


    "Yeah.¡± He shrugs, pushing food around on his te. "And work, well, I''m tired of thepany I''m with. I don''t know, it''s not bad, I''m just not growing there anymore. I''ve been thinking about looking for something new."


    I smile. "Why don''t you just start your own?"


    He looks up sharply, surprised. ¡°My ownpany?"


    "Why not? You could do something incredible. You''re smart and-"


    I catch him looking at me with a smile growing on his face. "I''m smart?"


    I chew on my lip so that I don''tugh and nod.


    He lets out a breath, serious once again. "You think so?"


    I nod, meaning every word. "Completely."


    We fall quiet again. I take a sip of my water and trace the edge of my te with


    my fingertip. "Aiden''sing in a few weeks," I say casually, watching him closely.


    Zaid nces up and nods, not missing a beat. "I know. I''m happy. I''ve missed him."


    There''s something tight in my chest. I swallow around it. "I''ve been meaning to ask you, how do you feel about me and Aiden?"


    His fork slips out of his hand and tters onto the te. He doesn''t flinch, just looks at me for a long moment, eyes calm and steady. "Are you asking if I''m okay with it?"


    I nod slowly, nervous. "I don''t feel the way I felt about Jake. I don''t feel like I need to distance myself. It might change when I see Aiden, but that''s not how I feel now."


    Zaid reaches across the table and takes my hand. His thumb brushes across my knuckles as he studies my face, like he''s memorizing every twitch and blink.


    "Love," he says softly, "you haveplete autonomy. Always. I''m not here to sway you or guilt you or make you feel like you owe me anything. Your rtionships are yours. And I want you to live them out, not walk on eggshells for me. I haven''t changed how I feel."


    Something stings behind my eyes, and I squeeze his hand. "But you didn''t like me being with Jake. I don''t want this to separate us further."


    He holds my gaze, firm and quiet. "That was different."


    A tear slips free before I can catch it. Iugh softly, shaking my head. "Thank you."


    Zaid squeezes my hand back, and that smile of his spreads across his face. "You don''t have to thank me. I love you. That''s it. That''s all that matters."


    My heart leaps in my chest, but it''s still saddled with guilt. I look away, trying to hide the confusion bubbling inside me.


    We finish dinner quietly and head home. That night, I don''t slip into his head, but I also don''t sleep at all.

 Chapter 240

    I sit on the windowsill of the art room, knees tucked to my chest. I''ve had that confusion build inside my chest for the past weeks and it''s killing me.


    I feel like a coward because I haven''t talked to Zaid or Cami about. I blow out a slow breath and pick up my phone, deciding to just get it over with.


    Cami picks up after two rings. "Hey, Alina."


    "Hi," I say, soft. "Do you have time to talk?"


    "It is my office hours, so yes, I have time for you," she replies warmly. "Is


    everything okay?"


    I stare out the window, watching Zaid through the ss as he waters the little herb garden we ntedst week. "Tired. Nervous, maybe."


    "Because Aiden''s flying in tomorrow?"


    "Yeah." I exhale. "I thought I was okay with everything. But now that it''s real, now that he''sing, I feel off."


    There''s a pause. "Tell me more."


    "I''ve been talking to him on the phone," I start, "and it''s fine. He''s sweet. Kind. Always checks in. I don''t feel tense or weird like I did with Jake. But is that enough? Is that enough to stay with someone?"


    Cami hums gently. "That''s a very important question. And I think, instead of rushing to


    answer it, we should first explore what''s behind it. What does it mean to you that Aiden has been kind to you?"


    I chew on my lip. "It means he loves me. That he''s safe. That he deserves someone who


    wants to be with him as much as he wants to be with me."


    "Does that someone have to be you?"


    My stomach flips. I close my eyes. "I don''t know."


    Cami''s voice stays calm. "Alina, sometimes people show us love, and we feelpelled to return it. Especially if we''ve spent years questioning whether we''re worthy of it. You''ve been through a lot-survival, trauma, grief. And in the wake of that, your instinct has been to cling to any love that doesn''t hurt, and in some cases, love that does hurt. The pain feels like a distraction for you. It makes sense. That''s survival, too."


    Tears prick my eyes, sudden and sharp. "I don''t want to be ungrateful. He''s been good to me. He''s never made me feel small. But when I think about the future, I don''t know if I


    see him in it."


    "What do you see?"


    The imagees too fast. Zaid''sugh. Us. Kissing, sleeping together, eating. Breakfast in


    bed. The way his brow creases when his code is wrong.


    I swallow hard. "Zaid. He''s all I see."


    Cami doesn''t speak for a second, then asks gently, "And when you picture Zaid, do you feel pressure to stay? Or peace?"


    I don''t hesitate. "Peace."


    "Guilt is not a sustainable foundation for love, Alina," she says, her tone kind but firm. "You''ve grown up believing that you owe your loyalty to anyone who sees your worth. But love isn''t a debt. It isn''t something you repay. And staying in a rtionship out of guilt, even with someone wonderful like Aiden, ultimately robs you both of something real."


    I press my hand to my chest, trying to slow my heart. "But what if it hurts him? What if I be the person who walks away? I mean, Jake might have deserved the pain, but not


    Aiden. Not him."


    "You''re not responsible for how he processes heartbreak, for how anyone processes heartbreak," she says. "You''re responsible for your truth. And for respecting his enough to not lead him on. If that''s what you want."


    A beat passes. Then she asks, ¡°Do you think part of you feels that if you stop being what people need you to be, you''ll lose them?"


    I flinch. "Yes. And I want Aiden in my life."


    She exhales softly. "That fear makes sense. You''ve had love taken from you, by force, by trauma, by abandonment. Your instinct is to hold on tight. But healing doesn''t mean sacrificing your truth to keep others happy. It means trusting that the people who truly see you will love you because you''re honest, not despite it."


    I wipe my eyes. "I don''t want to hurt anyone."


    "I know. And that tells me that your heart is in the right ce. But staying in something you no longer want will hurt you both in the long run."


    "I thought I did want to stay with him, that I did want him. But being alone with Zaid this past month makes me question everything. Life is so much better with just him."


    "You''re allowed to change, Alina. You''re allowed to let go of what no longer fits. That doesn''t make you cruel. That makes you honest."


    There''s a quiet beat. It sounds exactly like what my aunt told me when I opened up to Jake. If they are both telling me the same thing, then all I can say is that it is sound advice that I should follow.


    "What do I say to him?" I whisper.


    "When the timees, you will know. You will tell him not out of guilt. Not out of fear. But from love for yourself, and for him.¡±


    My throat tightens. "Thank you."


    "I''m proud of you," she says. "For doing this work. For not running away from the hard


    questions."


    I hang up a little whileter, still staring at the sky from my little perch in the window.


    Zaid walks into the room a few minutes after, his presence a balm against the ache. He doesn''t ask why I''m pensive, why I look like I might cry. He just sits down beside me in silence, and we both watch the sun slip beneath the horizon. "We have to get up early tomorrow," he whispers.


    I say nothing.


    He shifts to look at me. "You''re stilling with me to the airport, right?"


    I turn to him and nod. "Yeah. I am."


    We head to bed, in our separate rooms and again, I don''t sleep.

 Chapter 241

    Zaid and I are standing side by side at the terminal, watching the people flow in and out of the gate like waves.


    I''m trying not to fidget, but I bounce on the balls of my feet, anyway. I focus just a tad bit too much on my breathing, making sure I don''t look like I''m about to cry. I look at Zaid. He''s doing nothing out of the ordinary.


    He''s calm, like always. Quiet. Looking through the people. He looks so rxed too, and it urs to me that he''s really happy to see his brother.


    He wasn''t just sugar coating it for me. That helps the nerves settle in my stomach.


    I thought it would be worse. I was up all nightst night thinking I would feel like my stomach weight thirty pounds. That I would feel dread. That my skin would feel too tight and I''d have a thousand thoughts running through my head.


    I mean, I''m going to break up with him. I''m supposed to create space between us, let him go gently. It was a clear decision. Clean. A n I could hold on to.


    So why does my chest feel light when I see him?


    He''s so tall that he stands out from the crown immediately. He smiles at us from


    over


    people''s heads and I wave at him like I haven''t seen him in ages.


    He has a backpack slung over his shoulder, an easy casualness to him.


    And then I''m moving.


    Feet first, like they don''t belong to me. Then arms. Then everything.


    He opens his arms and pulls me into him like he''s done a thousand times. He lifts me off the ground and spins me around. I smile to myself, that familiar feeling of tion rushing through me.


    I forget about guilt for a second. I forget about confusion. When he sets me down on my feet, his lips are on mine before I can stop him.


    My body reacts before my mind does, melting into him. My arms loop around his neck. It


    alles rushing back.


    The fact that his touch was the first friendly touch I had in Arizona. When I felt alone, when everything hurt, he was the first person who didn''t make it worse. When I pull back, breathless, it''s only because I remember Zaid is here, too.


    I turn, and Zaid is approaching us. He has a soft smile on his face, hands tucked into his


    pockets. There''s no anger. No tension. No jealousy. It makes me breathe just a bit better.


    Aiden''s arm slides casually around my waist as his other arm reaches for Zaid.


    "It''s good to see you, man."


    Zaid pats his back. "Good to see you, too."


    I smile so wide as I watch them genuinely look happy.


    Aiden looks down at me again and kisses my temple.


    "Missed you," he murmurs.


    "I missed you too." I don''t know what I mean when I say it. Maybe I''m lying. Maybe I''m not. Maybe I''m both.


    We walk away from the gate and Zaid looks over his shoulder at Aiden, who still has his arm around my waist. "You hungry?"


    "Fuck, yeah. I''m starving."


    We head to the car, and everything falls into an easy routine, just as if we were back in


    Arizona. I''m in the passenger seat, Aiden stretching his legs in the back, teasing Zaid for driving too fast.


    By the time we slide into a booth at the diner, round and red and curved like it belongs in the ''90s, I''ve stopped trying to dissect my feelings.


    I just want to enjoy the moment while we live it.


    Zaid''s thigh is pressed against mine, his arm stretched across the back of the booth, his fingers barely brushing my shoulder. Aiden''s hand rests on my leg under the table.


    I sit between them, and somehow everything feels normal. Like no decision ever needed to be made. Like this is just life.


    We order pancakes and eggs and coffee. I sip mine too fast and burn my tongue. Zaid makes a face and swaps his mug with mine without a word.


    I wonder for a moment if I made all of this drama up. If I just imagined the distance. The difort. If I''m so scared of something ending that I keep trying to break it before it breaks on its own.


    I need to talk to Cami, or Elena, or both. Because what is wrong with me? Why do my emotions have no anchor? Why does every new hour feel like it resets the entire board? Do I not trust myself?


    It''s Aiden''s voice that brings me out of my thoughts. "So, I have news."


    Zaid and I both look at him.


    "I got a full ride to UCLA," he says, beaming. "I epted it."


    I blink. "Wait, really?"


    "Yeah," he nods. "It''s official."


    I smile, even as something inside me wilts. "That''s amazing."


    "It is," he says, and I can tell he means it.


    "That''s pretty awesome, Aiden," Zaid says, pressing his thigh harder against mine.


    ¡°?


    guess me going to juvie was worth something."


    Aiden grimaces.


    "It''s a joke, Aiden. I think we can do that now," Zaid says casually.


    Aiden scratches the back of his neck and nods. "I couldn''t have done all of this without


    you."


    Zaid shakes his head. "Don''t mention it. This is good."


    I grab Aiden''s hand from my thigh and intertwine our fingers, the smile still stered to


    my face, even as I feel it start to crack. "I''m so happy for you. But you''ll be so far


    from


    here."


    "I know," he frowns, looking down at our hands. "But that''s not all of it."


    I raise my eyebrows.


    "I have to go early for the summer. Training and all of that."


    I twist my body to get a better look at him. "Really? How early?"


    "In two weeks. I can only stay for a week." He swallows thickly and my heart


    drops.


    "A week?" I repeat, barely above a whisper.


    He sighs, brushing his thumb along my thigh. "Yeah. I know. I hate it too."


    Zaid''s hand starts rubbing my upper arm. I nod again, my chest hurting.


    Aiden keeps talking,unching into his ns, talking to Zaid about roommates and sses and gear.


    And I sit there between them, trying to figure out how I will know what to do in a week''s


    time.

 Chapter 243

    The sun is high and shining at its brightest by the time we get back home. There are long shadows cast before us, theke behind the house reflecting all the light.


    Aiden''s mouth drops open when Zaid pulls up the driveway. He gets out of the car and scoffs in surprise as he takes in the trees and the house. I smile to myself, knowing exactly how he feels looking at it for the first time.


    We all step inside the house and Aiden looks around, grinning like a kid.


    "This ce is insane," he says, dragging his suitcase through the entryway. "How did you guys even find this?"


    I smile, cheeks warm, because I can feel Zaid watching me from across the room. "Zaid found it."


    Aiden whistles low, still in awe. I give him a tour before I lead him upstairs.


    "You can drop your stuff here for now. It''s my room." I say, stepping aside as he wheels


    his suitcase in. He sets it down and then walks to my window to look out.


    I''m about to walk to stand beside him when I feel Zaid''s hand slip around my wrist, tugging me gently toward the hall.


    "I''ll be right back," I tell Aiden, and he nods, distracted by theke view out the window.


    Zaid pulls me into the art room, and the door clicks shut behind us.


    He doesn''t say anything, he just looks at me, jaw tight, breath shallow. Then suddenly, his lips crash into mine, and I gasp as he presses me against the wall, his body hot, his hands framing my jaw.


    I melt into it, my fingers digging into his back, my hips grinding into his. It''s fast and full of something desperate. When he finally pulls away, his lips are swollen and his chest heaving.


    "What was that for?" I whisper, dazed,


    He rests his forehead against mine. "Just needed it," he says quietly. "I''ve got a few things


    to get done. Thought I''d give you two some privacy to catch up."


    I blink. "You''re leaving?"


    He nods, stepping back, smoothing my hair with a soft touch. "Just for a bit."


    I nod too, even though part of me wants to reach for him again. He walks away first and I whisper to myself, adjusting my clothes as I slip back to my room.


    Aiden''s still standing at the window, watching the ripples on the water. He turns when I enter. ¡°It''s warm enough to swim, right?"


    "I haven''t tried."


    "Then let''s find out."


    Before I can react, he throws me over his shoulder with augh, and I shriek, pounding at


    his back as he barrels down the stairs and out onto the deck.


    "Aiden, wait, I''m not wearing -!"


    But he''s already running. Then we''re flying through the air.


    Theke hits like a shock, cold and clear, and Ie up sputtering andughing all at


    once, hair slicked back and clothes clinging to me.


    "You''re insane!" I yell, sshing water at him, trying to kick him under the water. He''sughing, swimming toward me. "C''mon. You love it."


    He catches me, arms strong around my waist. I loop mine around his shoulders, breathless from the adrenaline. He tugs at my soaked shirt, lifting it over my head before helping me


    with my jeans.


    The water is cool against my skin. I watch as he undresses and shake my head. "You ruined my clothes."


    "We were going to take them off at one point," he grins.


    I roll my eyes, but smile.


    When he throws our clothes on the deck, he''s back to wrapping an arm around my waist. His hands slide down my back and he kisses me again.


    It''s warm and familiar.


    But something''s missing.


    My eyes stay closed longer than they should. Maybe if I don''t look at him, I can pretend I don''t feel the difference. That this doesn''t feel like a memory trying to repeat itself rather


    than something new.


    He pulls back, helping me wrap my legs around his waist. "So, tell me more about this fellowship with your aunt."


    "Well, it''s my aunt''s fellowship. I''m just freeloading."


    That gets a chuckle out of him.


    I smile and tell him the basics. He listens, nodding, listening as he looks around.


    "You have to go," he says after a beat. "It''s like me not taking the UCLA offer. You have


    to."


    My heart thuds. It would be like that, wouldn''t it? I would tell Aiden he''s insane for not


    taking it if he showed any signs of doubt. I wouldn''t ever let him choose me over


    an


    opportunity like that.


    So, why would I let myself choose Zaid?


    His lips find mine again, and I kiss him back. He''s hard between his legs and his


    cock brushes against my thighs, making me tense.


    He moves his lips down my jaw. "Fuck, I''ve missed you."


    I nod, letting my body take his touch, take his kisses. I close my eyes, trying to lose myself in his touch.


    He fucks me there as he stands on the shallow end. Ie, my climax hitting me


    out of nowhere. But it all feels underwhelming. It''s not a fire. Not an ache.


    Not Zaid.


    When he throws our clothes on the deck, he''s back to wrapping an arm around


    my waist. His hands slide down my back and he kisses me again.


    It''s warm and familiar.


    But something''s missing.


    My eyes stay closed longer than they should. Maybe if I don''t look at him, I can pretend I don''t feel the difference. That this doesn''t feel like a memory trying to repeat itself rather than something new.


    He pulls back, helping me wrap my legs around his waist. "So, tell me more about this fellowship with your aunt."


    "Well, it''s my aunt''s fellowship. I''m just freeloading."


    That gets a chuckle out of him.


    I smile and tell him the basics. He listens, nodding, listening as he looks around.


    "You have to go," he says after a beat. "It''s like me not taking the UCLA offer. You have to."


    My heart thuds. It would be like that, wouldn''t it? I would tell Aiden he''s insane for not taking it if he showed any signs of doubt. I wouldn''t ever let him choose me over an opportunity like that.


    So, why would I let myself choose Zaid?


    His lips find mine again, and I kiss him back. He''s hard between his legs and his


    cock brushes against my thighs, making me tense.


    He moves his lips down my jaw. "Fuck, I''ve missed you."


    I nod, letting my body take his touch, take his kisses. I close my eyes, trying to


    lose myself in his touch.


    He fucks me there as he stands on the shallow end. Ie, my climax hitting me


    out of nowhere. But it all feels underwhelming. It''s not a fire. Not an ache.


    Not Zaid.


    I kiss him again, and we get out of the water, sitting on the porch swing wrapped


    in towels. Aiden is unnervingly quiet, and I feel too distraught to say anything.


    He finally looks at me after a moment, and he studies my profile. It''s long enough


    that I


    turn to him, wondering why he hasn''t said anything.


    His brow creases. "Did that feel different to you?".


    My chest aches and my nostrils re. Thest thing I want to do is lie. "Yes."


    He turns back to look at the water, his jaw clenching. We don''t say anything else until the door to the house opens and Zaid joins us. He looks at us with a surprised expression, no doubt wondering why we''re sitting outside naked.


    Aiden looks at Zaid and just gets up and leaves.


    I want to crumple, fall into the ground and disappear.


    "What happened?" Zaid whispers, wrapping his arms around me as I fall into his


    chest.


    The wind carries the scent of pine andke water toward us, the breeze cool.


    I don''t turn to look at Zaid, just feel his body against mine. The towel still clings to


    my damp skin and I am incredibly ufortable. Still, I don''t want to move away from his


    touch.


    Zaid''s chin rests lightly on my shoulder. His breath is warm against my skin. It seems he''s had enough of the silence and his quiet voice breaks it.


    "Do you not want to talk about it?"


    I close my eyes, my body soft in his arms, but my heart heavy. "I never told you


    this, but I didn''t know how to feel about Aidening."


    He pulls back slightly. Just enough so I feel the space open between us. His hand


    lingers on my waist, but his eyes study me intensely. "What do you mean? I thought you wanted


    him here."


    I nod. "I thought I did, too, but then when we talked at dinner that one time, I questioned my feelings."


    He says nothing, giving me the chance to keep talking.


    I turn toward him, letting the towel fall down my shoulders a little. "I ended up


    calling Cami yesterday, and I decided that I was... I was going to break up with


    him."


    Zaid blinks. I see the flicker of surprise in his eyes. Again, he doesn''t say anything, just


    waits.


    I take a breath. "And then I saw him at the airport, and he kissed me, and for a second, I remembered how he made me feel safe when I first moved to Arizona.


    He was the first realfort I had. He gave me something stable when everything


    else felt like


    quicksand."


    Zaid''s brows pull together. His thumb brushes along my cheekbone gently, like


    he''s soothing something beneath my skin.


    "I don''t know what to feel."


    He sighs, moving his hand down to my neck. "I can''t tell you what to feel, love.


    But it sounds like your confusing tonic and romantic feelings."


    "I know," I breathe. "That''s the problem. I can''t always tell the difference. I know


    they''re not the same; but sometimes my brain doesn''t know. I''m having a hard time separating them when ites to Aiden."


    He''s quiet for a long moment, and then he leans in, pressing his forehead to mine.


    "It sounds like you don''t trust your own feelings," he whispers.


    My lip trembles. I hate that he''s right.


    "I don''t," I admit, and the tears break free. They fall hot and fast, and I don''t try to stop them.


    His handse up to cradle my face, thumbs brushing away the tears like he''s done that for me my entire life. "You need to get to know yourself better, Alina. You''re smart, and strong, but if you don''t understand your own heart, how are you supposed to protect it? I can only protect you so much."


    There''s no judgement in his eyes or his voice. I let the words settle, and I know


    he''s right.


    He pulls me close again, my cheek resting against his chest, the steady thump of


    his heartbeat calming my nerves.


    After a long pause, he asks quietly, "Is that why Aiden was upset? Did you end things?"


    I shake my head, lips pressed together. "No. Not really. We were in theke, and it


    was fun. We kissed and that lead to other things, but... it was different. We both


    felt it. It wasn''t like it used to be. It wasn''t us. Not anymore."


    Zaid exhales slowly. He says nothing, just holds me tighter.


    "I think that upset him," I whisper. "That we both knew it was different."


    His hand strokes up and down my back, until my breathing evens out again.


    "You okay?" he asks quietly.


    I nod, even though I''m not sure. "I think I will be."


    His chin rests against the top of my head.


    My eyes sting again, but I don''t cry again. I don''t want to.


    We sit like that for a little while, and then he shifts. "You wanna go inside?"


    I nod. "Yeah. I need to shower."


    We walk back inside the house, our bare feet whispering over the floorboards. My


    towel is still knotted at my chest, clinging to my skin. Zaid opens the door for me,


    and I step into the cool air of the living room.


    Aiden is standing there like he was trying to decide what to do.


    He''s still only in his towel around his waist, looking sad.


    He looks up when he hears us, eyes locking onto mine. His jaw tightens, and he


    pulls in a shaky breath.


    "I didn''t mean to just walk away," he says. "I was trying to process everything."


    I cross the room before I can think better of it, my footsteps light against the hardwood. I wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek to his chest. "It''s


    okay."


    He exhales into my hair, his handnding on my shoulder with a soft thud, warm and hesitant. "I don''t know what to feel right now."


    I pull back just enough to look up at him. "Then let''s shower. Let''s get dressed.


    And then we can figure it out. We can talk."


    He nods.


    We part silently, heading in different directions. Zaid gives me a nod, a soft smile spreading across his lips, but he doesn''t follow.


    I shower quickly, water rushing over my skin, washing offke water, trying to map


    out what I want to say and how I hope this conversation will go.


    I dress in a T-shirt and cotton shorts, somethingfy and easy. My hair is


    damp, braided back.


    When Ie back into the living room, Aiden is already there, dressed and dry,


    arms crossed, gaze fixed on the floor like it might have all the answers he needs.


    Zaid''s sitting in the armchair, looking like he doesn''t know if he should breathe while we''re all here.


    When I walk in, they notice me and Zaid stands. "I''ll go upstairs. Give you guys


    some


    space."


    Before he can move, Aiden looks up. "Stay."


    Zaid pauses. Blinks at his brother.


    Aiden nods once. "You should probably be part of the conversation."


    The air changes, it tightens around my lungs. But I don''t run from it. Zaid looks at


    me and I smile at him. I want him here.


    I sit down in the middle of the couch, and Zaid and Aiden sit, too.

 Chapter 244

    The room feels so small with all three of us in it. My stomach turns violently, and


    yet I know this conversation is needed more than anything.


    I tuck my knees under my chin and look between the two of them.


    Zaid''s across from me in the armchair, elbows on his knees, fingers loosely interlocked. Aiden''s on the loveseat, one leg bouncing with nerves. His towel is reced by clean clothes and his hair is still wet from his shower.


    Neither of them are looking up, entranced by whatever is on the floor.


    I want to say something, anything, but every sentence I think of dies in my throat.


    I open my mouth, but Aiden beats me to it. "I should probably start."


    My eyes meet his. His voice is even, calm in a way that has me questioning if he''s practiced this.


    He blows out a steady stream of air. "I just want you to know where my head is at because I can''t take the look of guilt on your face."


    My eyes shift to Zaid for a moment, seekingfort. He forces a soft smile for me and I take it in, returning my attention to Aiden.


    "I''ve been dying toe visit," he says. "To see you. To be with you again."


    My throat tightens.


    ¡°But then the full ride offer came through. And the summer training camp. And I started rethinking what this rtionship was going to look like. If I even wanted to be in a long distance rtionship."


    My chest tightens.


    He looks at me directly then. "Do you want to be in a long distance rtionship?"


    I blink. "I don''t know. I don''t think so. I thought it would only be temporary. For these past couple of months."


    He frowns at that, like he''s expecting more.


    I sigh. "And it depends on who."


    His eyes flick.to Zaid.


    Zaid doesn''t look up. His head is down, hands sped tighter now. A quiet frown draws a line between his brows.


    Aiden sighs and leans back. "When dad got back to Arizona, he was pissed. Loud about it, too."


    I wince.


    Zaid shifts from his armchair and sits beside me, then gently slides his hand over mine. I tighten my fingers against his.


    "When I tried to talk to him about it, he got defensive," Aiden goes on, his eyes on our interlocked hands. "He told me not toe up here. That you were just going to break up with me but wouldn''t have the balls to do it yourself."


    I flinch, pulling my arm around myself instinctively and leaning into Zaid''s side. He doesn''t say anything, just gives my hand a small squeeze.


    "I told him to stop talking about it," Aiden says. "Told him he was being ridiculous. You have every right to end a rtionship you''re in whenever you want."


    "I''m sorry," I whisper, my head spinning.


    Aiden shakes his head. "Don''t be. I mean it."


    His gaze drops, focused on a speck on the floor. "By the time Jake was telling me


    all of this, I was already questioning where things were going with us. And then


    even more after you called to tell me about the trip to Florence."


    I can feel Zaid''s body react to that reminder. He''s tense, hotter somehow.


    Aiden looks up again, his expression a little sad. "I don''t want a long distance rtionship."


    Relief hits me so fast and so hard it makes me dizzy. I blink at him, trying to disguise it,


    but he sees it anyway.


    He smiles, and it''s so honest, not hidden behind malice or anger. His beautiful eyes shift to Zaid for a moment and return to me. "And not to mention, you don''t look at me the way you look at him."


    I suck in a breath. I''ve been trying so hard not to look at Zaid any type of way when Aiden''s in the room. I thought I was subtle, but that''s clearly not true.


    I keep my eyes on Aiden, trying to find any hint of anger in his expression. I find none. "I love you," I whisper.


    Aiden''s smile doesn''t fade. "I love you, too. But maybe our love is meant to be tonic."


    I stand up and walk to him, sinking into the seat beside him as I wrap my arms around his middle. He exhales, holding me tight.


    "You were the first person who made me feel like normal was possible," I say against his chest. "Like I didn''t have to live with that cloud over me all the time. Like their death didn''t define me."


    He hums softly, resting his chin on the top of my head. "That''s because you''ve always been more than what happened to you."


    My eyes sting.


    We sit like that for a little while, just holding on. As much as we both know this is needed, it''s still painful. It''s still sad.


    Zaid stands quietly. "I''m going to give you guys some privacy, thank you for letting me be here for that."


    I feel Aiden nod, and I just watch Zaid as he walks away from us and heads into


    the kitchen. When I hear him move between the fridge and the cabs, I realize just how hungry I am.


    "I''m sorry this didn''t work out," I say, staring at the window.


    Aiden shakes his head. "I''m not. I mean, it''s sad, but I''m happy it happened. And


    I''m happy I''m losing you to my brother."


    I chuckle at that.


    "He deserves someone good like you."


    I wince at that. My mind spins as I think of all the ways Zaid deserves so much more than what I''ve given him.


    "I''m going to miss you," I murmur.


    His arms tighten around me. "I''m going to miss you so much, too. But this is home base for me now. I''lle for Thanksgving, Christmas and New Years. I''ll still be around."


    A new sense of calm overwhelms me with that. I smile and we stay like that until Zaid walks back in to tell us he''s about to start grilling.

 Chapter 245

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    The scent of grilled corn and charred vegetables still lingers in the, mixing with ourughter bouncing off the walls.


    The kitchen''s a mess, the table even worse, crumbs and scattered tes, a few used napkins, and the worn box of a board game that''s seen better days.


    We''re gathered around it now, our tes cleared, drinks half finished Aiden leans back in his chair with his arms crossed, grinning like what happened earlier had not in fact happened.


    Zaid''s sitting beside him, elbows on the table, eyes full of amusemer as he counts spaces on the board with narrowed eyes. He looks back at his cards and frowns.


    I smile to myself as the game continues, watching them getpetitive over croissants, taking over a castle.


    It''s ridiculous, but I can''t remember thest time Iughed this hard


    And it''s not like the hurt is gone. It''s still tucked somewhere deep in my chest, bruised and tender. But right now? With both of them here, smiling, everything feels okay.


    "You cheated," Aiden mutters, pointing a chip shaped like a croissant at Zaid. "You definitely skipped like three squares."


    Zaid raises a brow. "You really think I''d cheat at Croissant Castle?"


    Aiden shrugs, smirking. "You cheated at Unost summer. I haven''t forgotten."


    "I didn''t cheat, I strategized." Zaid leans back in his chair.


    "Oh my god," Iugh, covering my mouth as I shake my head. They getpetitive over the smallest things.


    ¡°I''ll be right back, I have to pee,¡± Aiden says, standing up and stretching. "Try not to sabotage me while I''m gone."


    Zaid salutes him with his cup and waits until he disappears down the hallway before turning to me. His eyes soften the second we''re


    alone.


    "How are you feeling? We haven''t had a moment alone so that I can check up on you."


    I inhale, readying myself for the change in topic. "I''m sad, but I feel good about how it ended, and that it ended."


    Zaid watches me for a beat longer. "Really?"


    I nod.


    He gives it another second before he nods. "I moved Aiden''s stuff into my room,''


    19


    I blink, the words catching me off guard. For a second I''d forgotten we were supposed to share a bed tonight..


    Zaid smiles, like he knows exactly what just went through my head. I''m gonna sleep on the couch. We need to figure out the guest bed situation."


    "You


    can sleep with


    me," I offer without thinking,


    His smile falters just a touch, not with rejection, but softness. He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, lingering there for a moment.


    *I''d rather stay out here," he whispers. "Aiden might''ve been thinking about breaking up with you for a while, but he loves you. I don''t wanna throw salt on that wound."


    My throat tightens.


    "He''s hurting,¡± Zaid adds. "And it might take a little time before he''s okay seeing it''s like that."


    I nod, reaching across the table to touch his hand. "I get it. Thank you."


    He squeezes my fingers gently, then lets go just as Aidenes back into the


    room.


    "You two plotting my downfall?" he jokes, sitting back down.


    Zaid leans back, casually again. "I don''t have to plot, I know I''m going to win already."


    "Alright then, let''s see," Aiden says, grabbing the dice.


    And just like that, we fall back into the rhythm of the game.


    The clock ticks past midnight before Aiden starts blinking slower, yawning more between his turns.


    "I''m tapping out," he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. "I''m so fucking tired."


    Lfeel the sleepiness ying behind my own eyes and I nod. "Me, too"


    Aiden smiles half-heartedly before getting up. "Night, guys."


    "Night," we both say softly.


    He disappears down the hall and up the stairs; the door clicking shut behind him.


    "I''m going to get some nkets for you," I say, needing some time alone to breathe.


    -Zaid watches me as I go to the hallway closet and gather the things he will need to sleep on the couch. We clean the table and the kitchen in silence, neither of us pushing for more than what we can give at the moment.


    By the time we''re turning off the lights, I''m exhausted.


    That night, although Zaid is not by my side, I do sleep. There''s a calm in my heart, an understanding.


    The morning after, everything feels quiet. Not heavy. Just still. Aiden is pouring coffee, hair messy and eyes soft, and I''m shuffling. around the kitchen making breakfast and Zaid sits as he watches.


    After breakfast, I''m cleaning as theye into the kitchen with car keys in Zaid''s hands.


    "We''re thinking of heading into town," Zaid says.


    Aiden tosses a basketball in his hands. "We want to see if we can find a gym and shoot around a little."


    "You wannae?" Zaid asks, eyes meeting mine.


    I chuckle, shaking my head. "No, thank you. I think I want to stay here and paint for a while."


    Aiden nods and heads to the car. Zaid stays behind.


    He steps closer, his hand finding the small of my back, tugging mently toward him. "You sure?"


    "I''m sure." I lean into him.


    His lips brush my forehead, and then they find my lips. My fingers ghze his chest before I pull away, smiling. He lingers a second longer before finally backing away, eyes on mine. "We won''t be long


    "I''ll be here," I say, shrugging with a smile.


    I head back upstairs, the scent of paint already calling me. It doesn take long for


    me to lose track of time, colors bleeding into each other as I let myself focus on the canvas.,


    It''s been about an hour when the doorbell rings.


    I pause, brush still in my hand, frowning. We''re not expecting anyone. My apron is sttered, fingers smudged with green and white, but I wipe them down on a towel as I make my way downstairs.


    When I open the door, the air gets sucked right out of my lungs. I grip the edge of the door, blinking at him.


    "Jake?" I say, the name barely making it past my lips. "What, what are you doing here?"


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 Chapter 246

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    My breath stutters. I blink, trying to see if he is a dream, a figment my imagination,


    But he''s there, standing, real. He doesn''t look angry, just looks at me with a soft smile. He has one hand in his pocket, the other holding a bag slung over his shoulder.


    "What are you doing here?" I repeat, tightening my fingers around the doorframe.


    He smiles more, but it doesn''t quite reach his eyes. "I needed to talk to you," he says. "Get some things off my chest."


    I nce toward the driveway instinctively. Aiden and Zaid won''t be back for at least another hour. My heart beats a little faster. I don''t know if it''s nerves or the memory of ourst encounter rising up in my chest.


    Still, I step back and let him in.


    Maybe I''m overreacting. Maybe this is closure, and he really is here with good intentions.


    We walk into the living room, and I keep a respectable distance as I sit on the edge of the couch. Jake hovers near the firece before finally sitting too, hands sped together between his knees.


    His eyes flick over me, settling for a second too long on the paint stains on my apron. His expression softens.


    "I didn''t know you were into painting," he says, voice quieter than before.


    I swallow the lump in my throat.


    "I remember when Zaid got you some art stuff for Christmas, but I guess I didn''t realize how much you actually liked it."


    I shift in my seat, arms crossing over my chest. "Yeah," I say, not sure what else to say.


    He lets out a slow breath, almost like a sigh. "Just means I never really knew you, huh?"


    My teeth catch the inside of my cheek. I don''t know what to say to that either. I settle for a question. "Why are you here, Jake?¡±


    His gaze lifts to meet mine again, more honest this time. "I wanted to apologize."


    My breath catches in my throat and I try not to let it show.


    "For how I wasst time I was here. I was angry. Hurt. And I wanted someone to me. You were the easy target."


    I nod slowly. "Thank you for that." I say. And I mean it. The apology doesn''t erase everything, but it does make him more human in


    my eyes.


    He leans back slightly. "It surprised me. How fast things ended between us. I guess I wasn''t expecting it. And if it were up to me, we would still be together."


    I look down at my hands, fingers resting in myp.


    "But," he adds, with a half smile, "Aiden gave me a piece of his mind. Really made me think about things. And I get it now. At least a little. I''m sorry. I really just want you to be happy, Alina."


    Something in my chest unclenches. "Thank you," I say again, quieter this time.


    "I mean it."


    I look up at him and nod, offering him a smile. It quickly turns into frown. "This is nice and all, but it couldn''t have been a phone


    call."


    He chuckles, then shifts the bag off his shoulder and ces it on the coffee table.


    "Well, maybe. But I also came to give you this."


    He pulls out a folder and hands it to me.


    I frown, confused. "What is it?"


    "Just open it." He nods toward the mani folder in hands.


    I flip it open slowly and freeze. It''s a deed. To this house. With my name on it.


    My mouth falls open. "Is this? This house? It''s mine?"


    Jake nods once.


    "No," I say quickly, shaking my head. "Jake, I can''t ept something like this from you."


    "It''s not from me," he interrupts.


    Lblink at him. "What?"


    He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "When Zaid and Aiden were younger, I gave them each a chunk of money. Told them to invest it, save it, whatever."


    My blood runs cold through me.


    "When Zaid said you wanted this house, he used his. Insisted on paying for it himself. And when everything settled, he told me he wanted it in your name. Said he wouldn''t have it any other way."


    I press a trembling hand to my mouth. My heart is thundering so hard I can barely hear him anymore. The tearse before I can stop them, hot and fast and overwhelming. I didn''t know it was possible to feel so undeserving and so deeply loved at the same


    time.


    I don''t deserve Zaid. I never have. And now part of me wonders if I ever will.


    "He didn''t want me to tell you, but I think you should know."


    I nod, still numb.


    Jake leans in and wraps his arms around me. I let myself cry into his chest, my fingers gripping his shirt, because there''s nothing else to hold on to right now.


    "He''s never looked at anyone the way he looks at you," Jake says softly. "I''ve never seen him fall like this, Alina. I really hope you''re happy with him."


    "I am," I whisper, nodding as I try to gather the pieces of myself.


    He pulls back just enough to kiss my forehead. "I also wanted to let you know that


    my divorce with your mother, it''s finalized. You won''t have to see me again."


    I look up at him through dampshes. "You''re still Zaid''s dad. I hope one day we can all be okay around each other."


    Jake nods, a flicker of something like hope in his eyes.


    "One day."


    It''s thest thing he says before he lets me walk him to the door.


    "Goodbye, Alina," he says, eyes lingering for just a second longer. "Bye, Jake."


    And then he''s gone.


    I look down at the deed in my trembling hands and that''s when the decision is


    made in my heart. When it''s solid and I know I won''t change it again.


    I''m going to Italy.


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 Chapter 247

    I tuck the folder away in the back of my closet, behind a stack of sweaters I probably won''t touch again until fall. My fingers linger on it for a second longer than necessary, the weight of what it means still heavy in my chest, in my heart.


    Zaid has always given mefort, has always made sure I''m okay, that I''m taken care of and the revtion of this just made everything so much clearer to me.


    I don''t tell Zaid or Aiden that Jake stopped by,


    And luckily for me, Jake neveres again.


    The rest of the week passes by much quicker than any of us wanted. The three of us spend as much time as we can together. We swim in the mornings, our skin warmed by the sun. Weugh and dive, testing how long we can hold our breath.


    We eat a bit too much. Zaid manages to get us some alcohol, so we drink a little, too. We have drunken confessions at night andugh at each other.


    Zaid always manages to win any game we y and I begin to side with Aiden, using him of cheating. He swears he''s not.


    Aiden and I warm up to each other by the end of it. We can talk andugh without Zaid and it feels natural.


    Sometimes, I catch Zaid looking at me when he thinks I''m not paying attention. And sometimes, I look right back. But we don''t touch, not yet. Not with Aiden still here. I couldn''t do that to him.


    On Aiden''sst night with us, we throw him a small going away party. Nothing fancy, just lights on the patio, music, and good food. I invite Elena and her boyfriend, who turns out to be even sweeter in person than in the stories she''s told me.


    His name is Noah, and he has kind eyes and a charming awkwardness that makes everyonefortable around him. He''s incredibly smart and the only person that can keep up with his quirks is Zaid. Elena, Aiden and I just watch them like they''re speaking a differentnguage.


    At some point, the boys start a board game in the living room. Something about war and territories. Not my kind of thing, or Elena''s, for that matter. We retreat to the kitchen to wash thest of the dishes.


    We''re not talking at first,ughing as we hear the guys yelling at each other from the living room.


    Elena bumps my elbow slightly. I turn toward her just in time to see her lifting an eyebrow at me, her wet hands still dripping soap


    suds.


    "What the heck did you do to Aiden?" she asks, lowering her voice.


    I press my lips together, returning my eyes to the te in my hand before asking. "What do you mean?"


    She sighs and I swear she rolls her eyes. "Don''t y dumb with me, Ali. He''s looking at you like a lost puppy."


    I wince, drying my hands on a towel. "Yeah, I know."


    "Well?" she presses, nudging my arm. "What happened?"


    I exhale slowly, shoulders sagging under the truth I''ve been holding back from her.


    "I was in a rtionship," I say, keeping my voice low. "With Zaid. Aiden. And Jake."


    Elena''s eyes nearly pop out of her skull. "Wait. What the fuck?"


    "Yeah," I nod, eyes fixed on the soapy sink.


    She stares at me like she''s trying to calcte somethingplicated in her head.


    "I ended things with Jake," I continue, voice quiet. "And with Aiden.


    "Oh." She gasps, drying her own hands on the apron I let her borrow "Not Zaid?"


    I shake my head. "We still have to figure out exactly what our rtionship will look


    like, but no, not Zaid. He''s the only one I want. I think he has always been the only one I have ever wanted."


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 Chapter 248

    Elena''s brows draw together. "Okay. That''s good. I mean, messy, but good. I can''t imagine a rtionship like that would have worked out long term."


    I shrug. "I wasn''t thinking long term when I went into it at first. I just wanted to feel good then and there, that was all that mattered to me."


    "You''re thinking long term now?" She asks, voice soft and kind.


    Iugh softly. "I think so."


    She tilts her head, studying me. "You''re not gonna backtrack on Italy are you?"


    My throat tightens, and I bite the inside of my cheek, blinking hard against the sting behind my eyes. "No, I''m going."


    A pause.


    "I love him, Elena. I love Zaid so much it hurts. But I want to be the kind of woman who deserves him. So I''m going to find myself. Heal. Grow. Come back whole. Come back free. And when I do, I''ll love him with everything I''ve got. Like he deserves."


    Elena stares at me for a beat, then pulls me into a hug, dish soap and all.


    ¡°Good,¡± she whispers in my ear. ¡°Because I''ve never seen anyone look at anyone the way he looks at you."


    I nod into her shoulder, heart full to bursting, already counting down the days.


    "I''m proud of the steps you''ve taken in therapy and in your life as a grown woman. Your dad would have been proud of you."


    That makes the tears fall without reservation. "I miss him."


    Elenaughs, broken by her own cries. "I see him every time I look at you. He''s inside of you, I can feel it."


    Elena''s arms are warm around me, her chin tucked on my shoulder like she''s trying to hold all my broken pieces in ce. I didn''t mean to cry this much. But the week, the house, the weight of everything, it all just cracks me open.


    I pull back slightly, just enough to nce over Elena''s shoulder.


    Aiden stands there.


    His eyes widen when he sees me crying, his mouth parting like he wants to say something, but he hesitates, foot already retreating.


    Elena lets me go.


    She turns, sees him, and without a word, reaches up to wipe the tears off my cheeks, then presses a soft kiss to my forehead.


    "I''ll give you two a minute," she says gently. And just like that, she walks out.


    Aiden steps in slowly, his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. "You okay?"


    I nod even though my eyes still sting. "Yeah, we were just talking about things. My dad."


    Aiden''s face falls at that. His jaw tenses, then loosens again as he steps forward and wraps his arms around me.


    Chapter 248.


    I melt into his chest without thinking.


    "I love you," he says. "I just, I want you to know that. I will always love you."


    My heart squeezes.


    "I''m not angry," he continues. "That things are over between us, but I''m gonna miss us. A lot."


    I nod against him, arms wrapping tightly


    nd his waist. "Me, too


    He pulls back just enough to press his forehead to mine. We stay like that, breathing each other in, not needing to say anything


    else.


    Then he kisses me. Just once.


    Tears prick again, but I smile. ¡°You''reing back for Thanksgiving


    "Yeah. And you bettere visit when I start ying," he says, brushing his thumb across my cheek.


    I nod. "Promise."


    We step apart slowly, hands lingering for a second before we walk back into the living room together. Elena and Noah are getting their things, saying goodnight to Zaid.


    They hug us next and we usher them out the door.


    Then Aiden heads upstairs to grab his things. Zaid and I make our way to the car.


    In less than an hour, we''ll be at the airport.


    And just like that, another chapter quietly begins to close.


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 Chapter 249

    Zaid drives with one hand on the wheel, the other resting casually on his thigh. The sky outside is shifting into that dark ck of night, and the silence between us isn''t awkward. It''s just full of the things we''re giving each other things to say.


    I nce over at him. The slope of his nose. The slight pull on his brow. The way


    hisshes fan against his cheekbones when he


    blinks.


    He catches me.


    "You''re staring," he says, a small smile tugging at his lips.


    I don''t even pretend to look away.


    "I can''t help it,¡± I say softly. "You''re so beautiful to me."


    His jaw flexes just once, and he reaches across the console for my hand. Our fingers tangle together like muscle memory.


    I look down at them. "We have a week. Just us. Before I go."


    "I know," he says quietly, and even though he''s still smiling, I hear the weight in his voice.


    There''s a silence again.


    I squeeze his hand gently. "It''s going to suck, but it''s also going to be good. I mean, you knew I needed this. Before I even did."


    He nods, not looking at me, eyes fixed on the road ahead. "I knew. And I want you


    to have it. The space. The freedom. You''re own piece of life."


    His words warm me, and then guilt straddles my chest. I hesitate and take a breath. ¡°Jake came by. While you and Aiden were gone that one day."


    He finally nces at me.


    My heart is in my throat. "He gave me the deed."


    Zaid blinks. His hand tightens just slightly around mine, his other hand turning white on the wheel. "He wasn''t supposed to say anything."


    "Why?" I ask softly. "Why wouldn''t you want me to know?"


    He''s quiet. For a while. He lets go of my hand and brings both of his hands to the wheel. "I didn''t want you to feel like you owed me anything. You broke up with Jake, and then Aiden. What if you felt the need to break up with me?"


    "I wouldn''t have. I won''t. I don''t want to."


    He smiles, nodding. "But if you wanted to. I didn''t want this getting in the way. I wanted you to have a ce that was yours. You had to leave Florida, you had to leave Arizona. But this is yours. No one can kick you out, no one can move you across the country."


    I wipe the tears from my cheeks.


    "No matter where you end up. No matter who you chose, you have a home."


    "I''m going to miss you so much," I whisper.


    He chuckles under his breath, but there''s no humor in it, just tenderess. "You have no idea how much I''m going to miss you."


    I turn toward him more as he pulls into the driveway. We get out of the car silently


    and the moment we step inside the house, Zaid''s hand wraps around my wrist. He pulls me in, cupping my face before kissing me in a slow but intense kiss.


    1


    His hips press into mine, and I gasp from the tenderness and strengh of his touch.


    "I''ve been wanting to do this all week," Zaid exhales.


    I nod against his lips. "Me, too."


    He lifts me into his arms, carrying me to the couch, where heys on my back and settles over me. His hands explore my skin beneath my clothes and I freeze, pressing a hand to his chest.


    "What are we doing?" I ask.


    Zaid frown. "Right now?"


    I nod. "Right now. For the next week, when I get back from Italy. When are we going to stop running from each other?"


    He looks at me briefly, his eyes soft and sure. He pulls me with him as he sits, setting me on hisp with my legs around his hips. He looks like he''s thinking, letting his fingers trace the skin of my waist.


    "I''m still working through stuff," he says. "The way I grew up, the way I guarded myself. Everything that happened in the ident, and then everything that happening in the hospital. I know I''ve been messy with you. And selfish. And scared."


    "I''ve been scared, too," I whisper.


    He nods. "I know. That''s why this is good. You going to Italy. Me, staying. Facing the stuff I''ve avoided for a long time."


    I trace my thumb across his knuckles. "So what are we?"


    He smiles faintly. "We''re each other''s future, and right now, you''re my hope."


    My throat is tight.


    "We''ll figure it out when youe back," he adds. "No pressure. No timelines."


    I nod, the tears finally spilling over, but I don''t hide them.


    "Okay," I whisper. "You''re my hope, too. You have been for a while. My peace. The quiet in my storm. I wouldn''t have the guts to do any of this if it weren''t for you.¡±


    His eyes study me, and we fall quiet again.


    Eventually, my lips find his. We kiss each other like this is thest time we will, like we want to savor every moment.


    That week goes by fast. So fast. The day of my flight with Elena, my nerves are shot. I have half a mind to run out of the airport and find my way into Zaid''s arms. I remind myself why I''m doing this and get on that ne.


    Elenaforts me and then distracts me. She shows me her presentations, documents on the paintings she hopes she will get a chance to look at and then bid on. We talk about college possibilities when I get back.


    My heart feels incredibly hollow without Zaid by my side, and yet I know that I''m the luckiest person on the for having him in my life. For having Elena with me. For having this opportunity thrown on myp.


    We have a shortyover in Paris and by the time we make it to Florence, I am exhausted. The first thing I do is reach for my phone, I send out a text to Zaid and wait for his reply.


    When it doesn''te through, I call.


    When that call doesn''t go through, I start pace.


    There''s a knock on my door and then Elena walks in. She sees the worry on my


    face and she smiles. "Have you tried to call Zaid?"


    Suspicion shes through me, and I nod.


    She nods. "I just talked to him, let him know we made it here safely.


    I frown. "You talked to him?"


    She makes her way toward me and hands me a letter. ¡°He asked me to give you


    this."


    I reach for the envelope with a shaking hand, and Elena says nothing else as she walks out of my room.


    Chapter Comments

 Chapter 250

    On the envelope, in Zaid''s handwriting, it says: Letter 1 of 365.


    I blink. My heart hammers in my ears and I rip open the envelope, taking out the single piece of paper.


    My love,


    You''re probably confused right now. Maybe a little mad. Maybe even ad. I''m sorry I didn''t pick up when you called.


    I need to give you space. I know I''ve said that so many times that you probably want to smack the words out of my mouth. But f want you to understand what I mean.


    You need space. You deserve this. Every piece of it. You deserve to figure out who you are when you''re not worried about me and what I''m doing and how I''m feeling.


    I didn''t answer when you called, not because I don''t want to hear your voice, fuck, I''d kill to hear your voice right now. But because if I did, I would''ve begged you to stay.


    I''ve had to keep my mouth shut the entirest week we spent together. I promised myself that I wouldn''t ask you to stay. That I wouldn''t be selfish when ites to you.


    I swore I would never love you selfishly.


    Still, I know how hard it could be to be in apletely different country. I don''t want you to feel alone, so I wrote your 365 letters. One for everyday you''ll be gone.


    Your aunt has graciously agreed to be my partner in crime and she has every single letter I have written for you. She has agreed to give you one every morning.


    You don''t have to read them all. But I hope you do. I hope each one bes a small reminder for you when the world feels too heavy or too far from home.


    That I love you and I am cheering you on from the other side of the world.


    This is my way of being there without being there. This year is for you, my love.


    Not for us. Not for me. Just you.


    Don''t worry about me. I''ll be okay.


    But if you ever need me, if it''s truly too much to where not even my words written on paper can silence the nightmares, just send me an SOS. I''ll answer. No questions asked.


    Anything short of that? Focus on you.


    Fuck Alina, love you. It''s ridiculous how much I love you. So much it hurts in my chest when I think of you walking streets I''m not on, breathing air I don''t get to touch.


    When I saw you for that first time in detention, I was obsessed. I didn''t try to fucking hide it.


    You were sitting there with those wide eyes and pursed lips, like you wanted to hide. Like you didn''t want anyone to notice you.


    And fuck, did I notice you.


    You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I told myself 14 get you into my bed and get you out of my system. That''s what I had always done up until then. That''s what I knew. But then, saw the sadness in your eyes. The pain you thought you were hiding. And I recognized it, because it looked just like mine.


    That hollow ache you carry around like armor? I''ve worn it too. And knew, right then, I couldn''t let you walk away. Not witho knowing you. Not without learning how to make that ache disappear


    The more I got to know you, the more I knew you weren''t some girld get over.


    I fell too fast, too hard. I''ll admit that. But loving you fast doesn''t make it mean less. If anything, it made it impossible to undo.


    You are everything I never let myself want.


    When you look at me, I can''t breathe. I''d do anything for you. Die for you. Which


    is why giving you this year is easy for me to do, in retrospect.


    Fuck, as much as I don''t want to admit this, if one day you fall in love with someone else, I''ll smile through the pain if it means you''re happy.


    Because your joy means more to me than my own.


    If youe back to me after these 365 days, know that I''ll be waiting. My soul is already yours, my heart has long since been in your chest.


    Go be selfish, my love. Go be fun and brave and messy. Don''t worry about what I would think, about what might make me jealous, about what I would want or would say.


    Have that time that you were never given before you met me.


    I''ll be here. Every day. In every letter. Loving you in silence.


    Zaid


    My hands are shaking by the time I reach the end of the letter. The pages are crumpled between my fingers, my chest so tight it feels like breathing is something I have to remember to do.


    Zaid''s voice is everywhere. I press the letter to my chest and squeeze my eyes


    shut.


    I can almost feel him. I can almost hear himughing. I want to call him with that SOS. I want to hear his voice.


    But I won''t, because I get it. I get what he''s trying to do. I fold the letter back up, careful, and tuck it into the envelope Elena gave


    1. me.


    I wipe my cheeks and blow out a shaky breath. My entire body trembles as I make my way through the door and into Elena''s adjoine room. She looks up from herptop, seeing the look on my face, and immediately stands up to hug me. "Can I see them?" I whisper.


    She doesn''t answer.


    I pull back from her hug and look up at her. "I don''t mean to read them, I just want to see them."


    She smiles at me as she tucks my hair behind my ears and then walks over to her closet, where she has already set up some of her clothes. She kneels down to open a little trunk and then pulls out a few stacks of envelopes.


    They are allbeled, tied together with pretty bows.


    My heart swells to the point of pain. How long had he been working on these? Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 251

    TW: More details about SA. Please skip this chapter if that topic triggers you.


    My love,


    I don''t know if it''s because I''ve written you 19 letters already and the 20th one has me feeling vulnerable, but there''s something I''ve been wanting to tell you.


    Something I need to tell you about me, about my past, about my struggles.


    I know this is something I should have talked to you a long time ago, but every time I tried, the words got stuck in my throat. I still have trouble talking about it,


    even now.


    I think I''m only able to tell you this now because they are words on paper. I can write them down and let them go. Because I won''t have to watch your face fall apart, or watch the tears as they stream down your face.


    I''m thankful you never forced me to talk about it, that you never pushed for more


    answers.


    But you deserve to know. You deserve every piece of me, even the broken ones I''d rather keep hidden. Maybe it will make you understand me more, or let you in on why I have made you feel less than on certain asions.


    When I kept you at arm''s length in the beginning, when you begged me to fuck you and I couldn''t, it wasn''t because I didn''t want you. It wasn''t because I didn''t feel like it needed to happen between us. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not make love to you right from the beginning.


    I had to know you were real. I had to know you loved me before I gave you thest parts of myself I hadn''t let anyone touch since her. I don''t even want to write


    down her name.


    Since the hospital.


    She was a nurse, someone I trusted. She was the one in charge of my care for multiple shifts. I was stuck in that bed, burned and bandaged, drugged to the point where I couldn''t move.


    I couldn''t fight back. I''m kind of surprised I remember any


    1. it.


    But I remember her hands smothering my screams. Her hands, touching me everywhere. I remember feeling trapped in my own fucking body. I remember the shame that came after, and how small felt, how weak.


    I said nothing, afraid of what people would say. I kept it to myself, dreading every time I saw her face walk through that door.


    Eventually, it was my dad who caught her. Walked in and saw everything.


    He lost. Hired the bestwyers. Told me I was going to testify. I didn''t even get a say. I was still drugged out of my mind, still trying to figure out how to live with the aftermath of that ident, and he was already making ns. Alreadyying down thew.


    That was just another crack in our rtionship. It was just another time I realized he was so desperate to control everything. He didn''t even stop to think if I was okay. I think, maybe he needed someone to me. Maybe he needed a viin in his story, and i made mine his.


    Maybe it was easier to throw everyt

 Chapter 252

    And then there was you. You with your eyes so full of sadness it felt like looking into a mirror. You scared the shit out of me, Alina.


    Because I knew that it would never be fucking with you.


    It would always be making love to you.


    If I let myself have even a taste, I would never be able to walk away. If you only wanted me for a little while, for a way to escape whatever haunted you, it would have destroyed me.


    That''s why I waited, why I needed you to say it first. Because I couldn''t survive giving another piece of myself to someone who didn''t want to keep it, who didn''t deserve it, who I didn''t want to give it to.


    I haven''t been with anyone, not like I''ve been with you, since the hospital. I didn''t think I ever would be again.


    But everything in my head, all the control I have over my heart and my actions, falls apart in the face of you.


    You''re it for me. I don''t want anyone else. I don''t even want to think about another life, another body, another soul against mine that isn''t yours.


    You made me feel seen again. You made me feel wanted, not because I was broken, but because you truly see me.


    I''ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve that.


    I love you. More than you''ll ever know.


    00


    Zaid


    I set down the letter and give myself a second to breathe through it. It still shakes


    in my trembling hands. Elena sets down her cup of coffee on the table and looks at me with a small smile.


    "Everything okay?"


    I shake my head,ughing. ¡°You ask me that every time I read a letter."


    She shrugs. "They always have you crying."


    I fold the letter and set it back in the envelope. I usually read them alone in my room, but I had been struggling with some extra homesickness. I decided to read the letter during breakfast with Elena today tobat some of those feelings.


    I blow out a stream of air to calm my voice before I speak. "I don''t know if I deserve him."


    Elena snorts and I look at her incredulously. Sheugh


    when she sees my face. "You can''t be serious, can you?"


    "I am."


    "This is how I know you''re young. If we only loved people when they deserve it, rtionships wouldn''tst very long. Maybe right now, he''s the anchor, the deserving one, but that might change in a few years. Life happens, circumstances change."


    I look at her, nodding along, though I don''t truly grasp the meaning of her words.


    "Worry about the love that you can give, he will worry about the love he gives you, just be there for each other. Right now, focus on the person you are for yourself. Who do you deserve to be in this life?"


    Chapter 252.


    We finish breakfast as I ponder her words, as we sip thest of our coffee, I turn to her. "Does your friend still have that art studio avable for me to use?"


    Elena''s face lights up and she nods. "Yes. I can call him if you want to use it today?"


    I nod and she beams. I haven''t painted since W arrived in Florence, doing some introspective work instead. But I think now I have the inspiration I need. An entire collectiones alive in my head and I want to have it done by the time we get back home.


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 Chapter 253

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    I scroll through the photos on my phone slowly. I can''t help the feelings that ignite


    in my stomach just by looking at a picture of


    him.


    I brush my thumb over his lips, thinking about kissing him. Thinking about his breath across my skin.


    I keep scrolling, photo after photo blinks up at me. Me and Zaid smiling in front of theke, him asleep on the couch after one of our movie nights.


    He was extremely supportive of me taking as many pictures as I wanted during thatst week he had together. He joked that it would make him more secure with the fact that I wouldn''t forget him


    As if I could ever forget him.


    I have a lot of closeups of just him, too. His dark hair a mess, his sleepy smile soft and real. I trace his face with my fingertip and feel the ache settle low in my chest.


    The video call ringtone chimes, and I swipe to answer it just as my stomach flutters with nerves. Cami''s face appears on the screen, her new electric blue hair wild around her face.


    I can''t help but smile. "I love the new look."


    She grins and flips a piece of it over her shoulder. "Thanks, babe. I''ve been wanting blue hair since I was like ten, thought it was


    time for me to try it out."


    "Well, it looks really good," I smile.


    She looks me over. "I appreciate thepliment, but you look good, too. So much


    more


    peaceful."


    The words catch me off guard in the best way. I press my hand lightly against my chest and nod, my smile stretching wider.


    "I feel it," I tell her.


    "Really?" She tilts her head, taking a sip of her iced coffee.


    "Yes. The food, the weather, just the whole atmosphere here. It''s beautiful enough to where I can appreciate where I am even when I''m missing home so much it feels like I can''t breathe. I''m definitely learning a lot."


    Cami''s grin softens into something proud. "That''s the dream."


    I chew on my lip, not knowing how I want this conversation to go. I''ve been in Italy one hundred days now. I''ve read one hundred of Zaid''s letters, each one leaving me more raw and more vulnerable than I ever thought possible.


    She settles back, the video shaking slightly as she adjusts, then says "How''s the painting been going?"


    I light up immediately, that is something I can talk about. "It''s been hard," I admit, tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear. "There are days where I just stare at the canvas and think, what the hell am I even doing?"


    Camiughs a little. "We''ve all been there."


    "But I''m proud. The pieces I''ve finished, I''m proud of them. I can''t wait to finish the full collection."


    "That''s amazing, Alina. Seriously. Want to tell me about it?"


    I shake my head. "I want to finish it. I want it to be a surprise. I''ll show them to you when I get back home."


    "I can agree to that." She smiled, but then her voice drops a little, the way it always does when she''s about to switch into her serious therapist mode. "And how''ve you been doing with the thoughts about the ident?*


    I go still for a moment, twisting my fingers together in myp. I breathe in slowly, trying to follow the rhythm I''ve been practicing. Grounding my breath.


    Releasing the thoughts of guilt like a leaf floating down a river.


    "The guilt is still there sometimes," I say honestly. "That little voice that tells me it''s my fault. That they would still be here if I had just done something differently. Hadn''t distracted my dad."


    Cami nods like she expected that and then speaks gently. "It probably always will be, but that doesn''t mean it has to control you."


    "I know," I whisper. I pull in another slow breath, just like we practiced.


    She watches me, mimicking my breathing, so I know


    not


    alone.


    "I''ve been learning how to reframe those thoughts. When ites up, I acknowledge it, name it, guilt, sadness, regret, and then I remind myself: thoughts are not facts. I don''t have to believe every thought that crosses my mind."


    Cami beams at me, so proud. "And?"


    "And," I continue. "I think dad and Alex would rather look down at me and see me living. Really living. Not stuck. Not punishing myself over something that could have happened to anyone."


    She doesn''t rush me, just gives me the space to think and speak, to sit in it for a second. "That''s good, Alina. Really good. All we can do is control how we react to those thoughts. They are not always as world-ending as we believe them to be."


    I nod, realizing how many times I have thought just that.


    After a minute, her grin turns a little mischievous. "And how''s a certain someone doing?"


    Iugh, and just like that, my throat tightens with sudden tears. "I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. Sometimes I dream about just getting on a ne and flying straight into his arms again. I''m scared he might not miss me as much as I miss him."


    ?ami snorts. "Girl. From the letters you''ve told me about, that man is absolutely wrecked without you."


    Iugh through my tears, wiping my cheeks quickly. "I know he loves me. And I''m having so much fun here too. I feel so free. And I think honoring him means not feeling guilty about that. About loving my life even when I''m away from him."


    Cami pumps her fist in the air. "Exactly! That''s it, right there. That''s healing." We chat a little longer, about everything and nothing, until the call ends and we regroup. I sit there for a the warmth of it all still buzzing in my chest. second afterward, feeling


    And then I tuck my phone into my bag, grab my sketchbook, and slip out of the vi into the sun washed street.


    The cobblestones are warm under my sandals, the air rich with the scent of coffee and sweet pastries. I stop at a tiny cafe and order something sugary and ridiculous.


    I sit at a table outside, my sketchbook open in myp, and just watch.


    People pass by,ughing, talking, living.


    I pull my pencil out and start to draw, letting the moment fill me up every line a


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 Chapter 254

    I look at myself on my phone, watching it ring and waiting for Aiden to answer. We''ve been so busy and it''s been a long time since we''ve been able to catch up.


    I told him a call wouldn''t be enough, and I needed to see his face.


    The call connects, and his face fills the screen, his smile immediately warm. He looks a little grainy and I can tell he answered me on hisptop.


    "Hey, baby," Aiden greets me.


    I can''t help the smile on my face; it hurts. "Hey. You look different."


    He shakes his head, his hair longer than thest time I saw him. "Trying a new look."


    I chuckle, and he adjusts the pillow at his back.


    "How''s everything going? How''s Italy treating you?"


    I grin even wider, feeling my heart ease just a little at the sight of him. "It''s good. Really good. I''m settled in, getting the hang of thenguage, the culture, the food.


    I got a job helping Elena around. I think it''s just her way of giving me money in a way where I don''t feel guilty about it."


    Heughs at that. "That sounds like you and that sounds like Elena.


    I shrug. "Living in another country can only change us so much."


    "What about your painting? How''s thating along?"


    I lean back in my chair, looking around at my tiny workspace in the studio. I look at the paintings I''ve finished as they lean against the walls, along with a few pieces I''ve started. There are some rough drafts, others are nearlyplete.


    "It''s getting there. I''m learning a lot, experimenting with new techniques and materials. Had to throw a few of them into the donation bin, but I think I''ve got


    something here. I''ve even beenworking a bit, talking with Elena about new ideas."


    Aiden nods, his eyes lighting up. "That''s awesome. Knowing the right people is like 90% of it. I''m d she''s helping you out. It sounds like you''re really finding your stride."


    I smile, the sense of aplishment making me feel a little stronger. "Yeah, I feel like I''m starting to find my voice here."


    "I knew you''d do well," he says sincerely


    I''m about to say something else when Aiden shifts his position, and notice something in the background, a familia. -framed by a thick wooden frame.


    I freeze, my breath catching in my throat.


    "Wait," I say, my heart skipping a beat. "Are you in Virginia?"


    He grimaces, the expression fleeting but enough for me to know the anser. "Yeah."


    My heart rate picks up.


    JOW


    "I came for the weekend to visit Zaid." His voice drops a little, like ''s hesitant to continue.


    "Oh, why didn''t you tell me?" I ask, suddenly finding my fingers very interesting.


    "I didn''t want to tell you because I know you two aren''t talking right now."


    I nod, feeling a lump form in my throat, but I don''t want to let it show. I nce at the clock, and then back at Aiden, my heart a strange mixture of relief and


    nervousness.


    "Can I talk to him, anyway?" I ask quietly, almost as if the words themselves might break something inside of me.


    Aiden thinks for a moment, then nods. "Yeah, I''ll walk you over."


    He picks up hisptop, the camera following his movement as he crosses the room. I hear him knock on a door.


    A momentter, Zaid answers, and my heart lurches as I catch the sh of his familiar eyes through the screen. His expression shifts from mild surprise to something I can''t quite ce before he steps forward, taking theptop from Aiden''s hands without a word. He disappears from the frame, the sound of a door closing softly behind him.


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 Chapter 255

    Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance


    The light shifts, and then I can see him clearly.


    He''s staring at the screen, his eyes locked on mine, his expression unreadable for a beat. My breath hitches in my throat as I take in the sight of him. His face is a little sharper, like he''s been working out a lot. The lines of his jaw are more defined, but he''s growing a bit of a beard. My fingers twitch to touch the screen, but I stay st my gaze drinking him in.


    "Hey," I whisper, almost unable to speak. "I like the beard."


    He runs a hand over his chin, a soft smile curling on his lips. "d you like it."


    He stares at me for a long moment, his expression softening as he takes in every inch of me. I blush like I''m meeting him for the first time all over again.


    "You look beautiful, love."


    I blink rapidly, overwhelmed by his attention. I forget what it''s like to be in the face


    of his intensity. The tears spill over before I can stop them.


    "I miss you," I whisper, my voice breaking as I struggle to keep myposure.


    "Oh, fuck," he mutters. "Don''t cry, love, please don''t cry."


    The pained look in his eyes has me reeling in my emotions. "I''m okay. I''m happy here. I''m learning so much."


    He''s quiet for a moment, his face unreadable as he looks at me. "That''s good, right?"


    I nod and take a shaky breath, fighting the emotions swirling inside me. I search his face, looking for something, anything. "Are you forgetting me? Are you getting used to not having me there?"


    Zaid''s expression shifts then, the sadness in his eyes giving way to something warm, something steady. He shakes his head slowly.


    "No," he murmurs, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.


    I want to reach into the screen and kiss him.


    "I''m here, waiting for you, like I promised. I''m doing my own work. Therapy, all of it. I keep myself busy because otherwise I''d lose my mind thinking about you."


    I smile because I know what he means. I do the same thing. I feel a wave of relief crash over me. My heart lightens, the pain of the distance between us suddenly more bearable.


    "How''s going?" I ask quietly, needing to know that he''s really okay


    He exhales softly, rubbing the back of his neck. "It''s going. Slow. Therapy has been brutal, but I''m finally talki


    to keep in. And I finally took your advice. I think I''m going to start my ownpany."


    I listen to him without interruption. His happiness is mine. His growth is mine. out things I used


    We talk for hours after that. He listens as I tell him about my experiences, the people I''ve met, the small moments of peace I''ve found in Florence. And in return, he shares his thoughts, his own struggles, and his progress.


    The conversation drifts into the night, the words slowing until I feel my eyelids growing heavy, I yawn, trying to keep myself awake,


    but it''s useless.


    Not to mention I still have to find my way back to the vi.


    Zaid notices, frowning, "It''ste there?"


    1 nod. "I''m 6 hours ahead of you."


    His eyes go to the clock on the corner of theptop. "Shit. Get some sleep."


    I don''t want to. When are we going to talk again?


    He smiles at my expression. "I''ll call you in 50 days."


    My heart lifts and I smile, nodding. "Promise?"


    "Promise."


    And with that, we say our goodbyes and hang up.


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 Chapter 256

    Alina, my love,


    I can''t believe you''re already more than halfway through your trip. In counting


    down the days until I get to see you again. Not that


    I''m desperate or anything.


    I''m fucking desperate. I already know I am.


    Wanna make a bet? I''ll count how many times I had to jerk myself off while you were gone, and you can guess.


    Hint: It''ll be a lot more than 365.


    You remember that dance we had at the wedding, right? Our first kiss? Before you say anything... No, I am not counting that drunken, angry, messy one I stole at Parker''s party. That one doesn''t count. Actually, I''m officially dering it erased from the record.


    I''m sorry for that, by the way. I was in a terrible ce back then. You were driving me insane, love. I''m not kidding, I had to take cold showers three or four times a day just to get you out of my head. And even that barely worked.


    You were so beautiful that day at the wedding. Maybe beautiful isn''t enough to cover it. You were sexy, like haunting my fucking mind sexy.


    One look at you and I swear something inside me snapped. Ipletely lost it.


    My control was already hanging by a thread, but then we kissed. I thought I was going to die. I swear.


    I had to spend the entire time in that terrible boarding school trying to forget about you. I made no friends because I was raging the whole time. Everyone probably called me the boner boy, since the simple thought of you made me hard.


    Sometimes I wonder if Aiden and my dad plotted to send me off to that damn boarding school. Maybe they saw it happening, too. Me, falling for you.


    I mean, after I beat up that piece of shit, Will?


    Dad was probably just like, "Yep. Kid''s doomed. Ship him off." And Aiden probably didn''t fight it. He knew before I did that I would be obsessed with you.


    Maybe everyone knew. I knew. You were it for me, even then.


    You were the only one who didn''t see it yet.


    Maybe if I hadn''t been such an ass to you, maybe if I had handled it differently.


    Would you ever forgive me for all the ways I screwed it up? Maybe we can just, I don''t know, start from that kiss at the wedding?


    Pretend everything else was just noise.


    I can make it up to you, all of it. Every single second you ever doubted how much


    I loved you. I''ll spend my whole life making it up


    to you if you let me.


    I can''t wait to see you.


    miss you like crazy, even though, technically, you haven''t left yet. And more than that, I''m proud of you, love. Proud that you''re chasing your dreams, proud that you''re doing things you never gave yourself the freedom to do before this.


    Come home to me soon, okay


    Always yours, Zaid


    I set the letter down carefully, smoothing the worn edges with my fingers. Fuck, I loved these letters, I breathe for them. Some of them are so creased from me re- reading them a million times.


    Especially the ones where he describes making love to me in vivid detail. Those are extra creased from how much I reread them. That man has a way with words and a very vivid imagination.


    Thosee in handy at night when I miss him a little too much. When wetness pools between my legs and I can''t sleep.


    I chew on my lip. Yupp, I''m definitely doing that tonight. I wonder if I can beat


    Zaid''s masturbation count. I snort at myself. Yeah, right.


    I smile to myself, feeling a soft warmth bloom in my chest.


    He''s apologized for a lot in a lot of these letters. Every time I read them, I don''t have the feeling in me to say I forgive you. The forgiveness isn''t needed. I hold no anger, no grudges, no judgement.


    I wouldn''t change anything about how we met, or how we became friends, and then lovers. Not the messy beginning, not the drunken kiss, not pulling and the pushing. Not the pain and the rejection.


    It''s what makes us us. It''s why we understand each other in ways no one else ever could.


    I tuck the letter carefully into the small box I''ve been keeping in my room. It''s full of his letters and I n on taking it back home with me, keeping them forever.


    I grab my bag and head to the door to Elena''s room. I knock and wait.


    "Ready?" Elena calls as she opens the door, already looking sharp and in full work mode.


    "Yes!" I say, walking with her.


    Noah is already waiting for us outside, on his phone. He hangs it up as we approach, kissing Elena and wrapping me in a hug.


    He''s here visiting for the next three months, which makes everything feel a little more like home. I love Noah, he''s Elena''spliment and they fit together so perfectly.


    Elena hands me a portfolio once we''re settled in the car. "I just finished thisst night. Was thinking we could present it to the director tomorrow."


    I look through it, running my fingers over some of the paintings, reading the descriptions and paying attention to every detail.


    Noah drives us to the offices, his hand always on Elena''sp. The gesture is sweet, but it makes me ache. It makes me miss my half.


    We say goodbye to Noah as he heads off to do his own thing, and the two of us step into the gallery


    s, ready to get to work.


    For the next few hours, my mind is focused. The pain in my heart recedes just a


    bit and I do what I think I want to do for the rest of my life. I''ve been taking things


    a lot more seriously, and have applied for colleges back home.


    This trip might be life changing and I might be so d to be here, but all I know is that I never n on being away from Zaid for this long ever again.

 Chapter 257

    My love,


    I can''t believe we''re at letter 300 already. My hand is cramping and my handwriting has seen better days.


    But all it does is just put everything into perspective. You''ll be gone long time. Too long for my heart. I can''t persuade it that I will be fine while you''re in Florence.


    Have I ever talked to you about my nightmares? I have nightmares sometimes. I guess you know that already, since they gue you,


    too.


    But I just want to tell you what they''re about, Before I met you, mos nights, I dreamed about the ident. It was like I was trapped there, in that split second, forever. I hear my mom''s voice warning me. I smell gasoline. I feel the crunch of metal all around me.


    And the worst part? In the nightmare, I have time to move. Time to stop it. But I don''t. I just hold on to the wheel, frozen. And she


    dies because of it.


    Because of me.


    I know you know what that feels like, the smell, the guilt that doesn''t make sense but clings to you anyway. Maybe that''s why I recognized you before I even knew your name. Maybe pain knows pain.


    When I met you, though, my nightmares changed. It wasn''t about the crash anymore. It was about you. Nightmares where you


    looked at me and saw everything broken inside me.


    Nightmares where you turned away. Nightmares where I couldn''t reach you no matter how hard I tried. Nightmares where you were the one in the car, beside


    me.


    The one that didn''t survive. Nightmares, terrible nightmares where lost you, too.


    There were nights I woke up drenched in sweat, convinced I''d failed you somehow, even though you were miles away, perfectly fine.


    I used to wonder if that''s all I was meant to do, to fail the people I loved. I failed


    my mother, and by extension, I failed my father and my brother.


    I was sure I would live the rest of my life alone, whispered about when my dad and Aiden would meet up with their families for


    Christmas or whatever.


    I thought I would never be happy again.


    But then, you started trusting me. You leaned on me. You said you loved me. And somewhere along the line, my nightmares tu. into something else.


    Dreams. Dreams about a future. About a little house with a white picket fence. About kids running around the backyard, barefoot andughing.


    Fuck, do you even want kids? I hope you do. You''d make beautiful ones. If they look like you, I hope they do. I hope they look just like you.


    Dreams abouting home to you every night. Eating dinner at a messy table. Sitting next to you on the couch, our kids ying around us, but not bothering us, because listening to them makes you happy.


    Looking at you makes me happy.


    Loving each other like crazy. Fighting sometimes, because we''re stubborn, but alwaysing back together, because that''s what love


    1. is.


    We can do that, Alina. We can build a family that''s different from the ones we came from. One where love isn''t earned. One where it''s home. You''re already my home. You always have been.


    I hope you think of me as your home. If you ever doubt where you belong, know that you are mine, even when you are half a world


    away.


    Zaid


    I set the letter down slowly, my fingers brushing the pages as if they could carry his voice to my ears. The soft breeze blows through my hair, and I close my eyes and throw my head back.


    I can''t help the smile that blooms across my face. Kids with Zaid. Half him, half me. He thinks about it, like, really thinks about it. He wants this. He wants me, and my future.


    I chew on my lip, staring out at the busy street from the little cafe table where I''m sitting. I''ve thought about it before. What my kids might look like. I disagree with him, though.


    I want our kids to look like him. Dark eyes and messy hair. I want them to have his capacity to love and to be free in it. With a contented sigh, I lean back in my chair and imagine their little feet pounding down the hallway.


    I imagine Zaid, chasing after them,ughing in that way he used to save only for


    me.


    "You''re smiling like you''ve got a secret," Noah says from beside me, taking a sip of his coffee.


    I tilt my head and look at him, deciding to pick his brain. "When are you going to ask my aunt to marry you?"


    Heughs, the sound bright and easy. "I ask her every year. She tells me to wait another year. Your aunt is a stubborn woman."


    I blink at him. "Are you serious?"


    He nods, lips pursed. "I''ve had the same ring for five years now."


    I smile, but then frown. "Does that bother you? I mean, her saying no. How does that make you feel?"


    He shrugs, the picture of a man who is not bothered by this at all. It''s kind of surprising, actually. "It''s part of her spirit. She craves


    the freedom her parents never gave her."


    I watch him as he frowns and leans closer.


    "She''s told you of your grandparents?"


    I nod a little. "She mentioned that they disowned my dad for marrying my mom. I think that tells me enough of what I need to


    know."


    He tilts his head. "Well, she can tell you her stories and her struggles when she wants. All I know is that I''m just lucky she lets me


    stay by her side."


    My smile grows. I like Noah. I really, really like him. Marriage or not I hope they


    stay together forever. Some love isn''t about a ring or a piece of paper.


    It''s about staying. Choosing each other, again and again.


    And I choose Zaid. I will always choose Zaid.

 Chapter 258

    Zald''s POV


    I stare at myself in the mirror, frowning as I tighten the tie around my neck for the


    1 groan, frustrated, loosen it up and try all over again.


    third time. It still doesn''t look right.


    Maybe it''s not the tie. Maybe it''s me. I huff out a breath, dragging my hands through my hair and messing it up again.


    Noah had invited me to some fancy art function. Normally, I would told him to shove the invite up his ass. Not in those exact words, because I like the guys.


    But who the fuck wants to stand around, looking at paintings from people you''ve never met before?


    My heart clenches inside my chest. If Alina was here, she would want to go. She would stand and look at each painting as if it were the most beautiful thing in the world.


    She would. It''s the only reason I''m going. For her.


    And she loves Noah, she likes him lot. So here I am. Strangling myself with a stupid tie and telling myself not to fuck it up, because in a month, I get her back.


    If she finds out I bailed on Noah, she wouldn''t like that. And fuck knows I''ll do anything to stay in her good graces.


    I nce over at the framed photo on my dresser. Alina. Laughing. It was one of the few pictures of her she let me keep on my phone. A few days of her gone, and I realized that looking at it on my phone wasn''t enough. I wanted to be able to see it all the


    time.


    Queue the ten frames I have scattered around the house.


    I smile, a deep ache curling through my chest. Fuck, I miss her. Some nights it feels like I''m going through withdrawal. I''m a man addicted to a woman he can''t touch, can''t hold, can''t breathe without.


    It''s pathetic. I know that. Kyle, my therapist, says it''s normal, attachment, loss, grief. All normal. Doesn''t make it easier.


    One month. I get her back in one month. They will be the longest thirty days of my life.


    I finish getting dressed, grabbing my wallet and the invitation off the counter before heading out. The drive to the gallery is fast, headlights and asphalt melting together in front of me. I hand my keys to the valet, adjusting my jacket as I step inside.


    The moment I walk in, my body locks up. My blood turns to ice. I blink. Hard.


    No way


    No fucking way.


    It''s a painting. Of me.


    My eyes stare down at me from the canvas, painted in painful, brutal detail. I move closer without meaning to, my feet dragging me forward.


    There''s another painting.


    Me again.


    Sitting on the ground, my head down, the weight of the world press down on my shoulders. I imagine that''s what I look like when I remember the ident. When I have my nightmares.


    I spin on my heel, panic crashing through me.


    All the paintings. They''re all me. Every fucking one.


    My heart ms against my ribs so hard I swear people around me must hear it.


    Then one catches my eye. It''s different, because it''s not just me, it''s us.


    Me and Alina. Facing each other. Kissing.


    It''s hot. It''s raw. It''s fucking real. The colors swirl together like theye alive. I step closer, my pulse a roar in my ears. My eyes flick


    down to the name scrawled at the bottom of the frame.


    Alina Hanson.


    I can''t breathe. I can''t think. Is she here?


    The panic inside me bubbles. I spin again, scanning the crowd like a desperate man. Standing still, in the middle of the crowd like a dream made flesh. Wide, vulnerable eyes locked on mine..


    She cuts into me with just a look. Every scar, every insecurity, ripped open with the softness of her gaze. Fuck, she''s breathtaking. Her ck dress clings to every curve, and when her tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip, my knees nearly buckle.


    She''s going to kill me. And I''d die with a fucking grin on my face. dly.


    I move toward her, pressing my hands deep into my pockets because if I don''t, I''ll drag her to me and kiss her senseless right here,


    in front of everyone.


    I stop when I''m inches from her, so close I can feel the heat of her skin. Her scent wraps around me, punching the air out of my lungs.


    She breathes out a soft, "Hey."


    I watch her lips move, and for a second, I forget how to speak. I dreamed about those lips every damn night. But dreams have, nothing on the real thing. I''m fucking lost in them. I swallow and force my gaze up to hers.


    "Hi."


    She smiles, her cheeks blooming pink as she looks down, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know this is a lot," she says, waving her hand around. ¡°But I wanted you to see them."


    My voicees out rougher than I want it to. "When did you get back?"


    She presses her lips together, her hands fiddling with the delicate strap of her purse. "A few days ago. I wanted to surprise you."


    Her voice wobbles, and my chest tightens.


    "I wanted you to see what I was doing. What I was working on and learning in Florence. ''I wanted to show you that I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving-"


    I don''t let her finish. I can''t. I close the small distance between us, tilting her chin up and crushing my mouth to hers.


    It''s not soft. It''s not gentle. It''s everything I''ve been starving for.


    It''s a kiss meant to make up for every lonely night. Every broken piece. Every fucked-up fear that made me feel like maybe I wasn''t enough for her.


    Her lips part under mine, and she clutches my jacket as she gasps for breath.


    I kiss her harder.


    Fuck, I missed her.


    She pulls away, forcing me to press my forehead to hers. "Zaid."


    "Fuck," I groan, rocking my head against hers. "Don''t say my name like that, love."


    She''s breathing heavily, her body pressing in closer to mine. ¡°Let''s go home."


    I grab her hand, pressing it to my chest so she can feel how hard she is making my heart race. "What about all the people here?"


    She shakes her head. "I don''t know them. Elena and Noah put this party together.


    I don''t care. I just care about you."


    "I missed you," I rasp. "I missed you so much."


    She smiles, her hands sliding up to cup my face. "I missed you, too. Now, please,


    take me home."


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 Chapter 259

    Zaid


    I can''t drive fast enough.


    Her scent has filled up the car entirely, and she is all I can feel, see and breathe. She''s sitting right next to me, so close and yet not close enough.


    My fingers twitch on the steering wheel.


    She''s smiling, leaning back in her seat so carefree, like she''s not feeling all the desperation I am. She nces at me every few minutes and the look in her eyes


    tears me


    apart.


    She''s so fucking happy. So fucking excited to be home.


    She looks at me like she can''t believe I''m real.


    A year. Three hundred and sixty-five days, minus the month I thought she was still going to be over there. And somehow, I survived it.


    I want to know every part of her again. Every new thought. Every new piece.


    But mostly I want to touch her. Every inch of her, get to know all of that all over again, too. That part of me has been half dead since she boarded that ne.


    Not just out of want. Out of need. Out of something in me that has been dormant and half-dead since the night she boarded that ne.


    ¡°I like the beard,¡± she whispers, her hand reaching out to run her fingers through


    it.


    I nce at her again. Her eyes are wide, her lips tugged into a smile that punches straight into my gut. I grip the steering wheel harder.


    Her touch burns, kills, and heals me at the same time. I swallow hard, trying to hold myself together like a man.


    "You like it more than when you saw it on video?" I manage, though my voice sounds like it hasn''t been used in days.


    She nods. "I love it."


    I nearly pull the car over. Her fingers linger, brushing over my jaw. It''s like she doesn''t


    know what she does to me. Like she doesn''t see the effect she has.


    I shouldn''t be driving.


    Not when my heart is in my throat and my blood is boiling and I want to lean over and


    kiss her. I want to know everything about her time away.


    But right now? Right now, I want to get home, because if I don''t kiss her soon, I might lose my mind.


    She''s still watching me. Still running her fingers through my beard. Like she can''t believe


    I''m real either.


    Loving her hasn''t dulled. It''s only sharpened.


    She pulls her hand back slowly, and I feel the loss like a p. I ache for it. I nearly m


    on the brakes. I grip the wheel until my knuckles ache, my jaw locked tight.


    I worshipped her from afar.


    I drove past the airport. Twice. Bought a ticket only the second time, but I managed to keep myself here at home. I went to bed with her picture on my nightstand and woke up


    with her name in my mouth.


    She is the thing I love most in the world.


    Now she''s back, and I''m driving like the road is a countdown to a moment I''ve needed for a goddamn year. She leans her head back against the seat, watching me like she can see inside me, see the way I''m barely holding it together.


    My chest tightens.


    "I missed you so much," she whispers, like we haven''t said it to each other a thousand times already.


    I nce at her. "I didn''t miss you."


    She blinks, lips parting, frowning.


    I breathe out, shaking my head. "I didn''t miss you, Alina. I starved for you. You have no fucking idea."


    The silence in the car shifts. It grows heavier, thicker. Her eyes don''t leave mine. Neither of us says another word. I pull into the driveway, barely remembering the drive at all, heart hammering against my ribs. My hands shake a little as I park, but I shove it down and get out, walking around to open her door. Chapter Comments


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 Chapter 260

    She smiles up at me, so soft, so trusting.


    Fuck. Fuck. She doesn''t even know what she does to me.


    Ice our fingers together, pulling her toward the front door. I fumble with the keys, cursing under my breath when they slip in my hand.


    Sheughs, a soft, perfect sound, and presses her hand against my chest, steadying me without even knowing it. She reaches for the keys and opens the door.


    I barely get us through it before I turn her in my arms, pushing her back against the wall. I crash my mouth to hers. Hard. Desperate.


    She gasps against my lips, and I drink it in like the drowning man I am. Her hands are everywhere, threading into my hair, clutching at my jacket, tugging me closer even though I''m already trying to fuse us together.


    I press into her, into every curve, every dip, her soft body molding perfectly against mine. I feel her so deep in the broken, splintered pieces of me I thought were dead.


    She fits. God, she fits perfectly.


    Every kiss, every touch, tells me I belong. Tells me I''m finally home.


    I kiss her like it''s the only thing I''m good at. She whimpers against my mouth, and the sound nearly brings me to my knees.


    I pull back just a fraction, my forehead pressing to hers, our breaths heavy and tangled.


    "My love," I rasp out, my voice rough, desperate. I can''t wait, it''s impossible.


    I can''t stop my hips, they grind into her, involuntarily. My body missed her as


    much as my heart did. Her eyes, wide and shining, search mine.


    "I want you, Zaid, my love," she whispers.


    I scoop her


    up into my arms, hearing her broken breath as she clutches to me.


    I carry her straight to the living room, not bothering with anything else, not even


    attempting to wait until I can get her upstairs.


    I lower her down onto the couch, following her down, hovering above her.


    I take a second to look at her. The rise and fall of her chest. The pink flush


    blooming across her cheeks. The way she looks at me like I''m something precious.


    It wrecks me. Shatters me.


    I kiss her again, softer this time, but no less desperate. A slow, deep slide of lips,


    savoring.


    Her fingers slip under my jacket, pushing it off my shoulders, and I let it fall without a second thought.


    This is all I have ever needed. Her. I kiss her until I''m drunk on her, kiss her until it''s not


    enough.


    My fingers fumble with her dress until I find the hidden zipper. Her lips tremble, her


    breath shaking as I peel away the thin, ck fabric.


    It gives way to her perfectly soft, precious skin.


    "Fuck, you''re perfect."


    Her breasts tremble when she breathes and they draw my attention to the hard, pink


    crowns. I brush my thumb over one, watching as her skin prickles. She releases a desperate hiss, her back arching.


    Her hands w at my shirt, at my tie, at my buttons. "Zaid, please. I want to feel your


    skin. Please."


    I reluctantly pull away, shoving off my clothes like they''re offensive. I give her a moment to take me in, but only a moment because it is her that should be worshipped, not me.


    I close the distance between us, wrapping my hand around her waist and sucking a nipple


    into my mouth. I roll it between my teeth, savoring the soft moans and mewls that leave


    her mouth.

 Chapter 261

    Zaid


    I press a kiss to the valley between her breasts. "Do you have any idea how many nights I


    dreamed about this?"


    My voice is husky,ced with need, and when I look up at her, the hunger in her eyes takes me out. I tighten my hold on her waist and ce my attention on her other nipple,


    rolling it with my tongue.


    She moans, her legs wrapping around my thighs as she tries to get us closer.


    "Tell me this is real. That you''re really here."


    I can hear her breath catch, and then her hand runs through my hair. "I''m here. We''re


    together."


    I kiss my way down her ribs, to her bellybutton and she whimpers, a soft, little noise between her delicate lips. I sit back, cing my hands over her thighs and spread her legs. I put one over my waist, letting the other drop against the couch.


    She doesn''t try to hide, doesn''t move.


    And I just look at her, drink her in. Her pussy opens for me, the sight of her pink, wet skin making me desperate to sink inside her.


    Her body trembles, her breath quickening.


    "I have missed the warmth of being inside you," I murmur, using my fingers to part her pussy lips open wider for me.


    "Zaid," she begs.


    But, fuck, I just want to look at her. I press my finger inside, watching as she sucks me in, as her walls tighten around it. A delicate, earth shattering moan grows in my chest. "You are the softest ce I''ve ever touched."


    I thrust my finger in and out of her, pressing a second one in to stretch her. We haven''t fucked in a year, making sure she''s ready is the least I can do.


    I only get a few thrusts in before she''s shaking her head. "I want more."


    "I need to get you ready-"


    "No. I like the pain. I like it when you stretch me. Please."


    I still and everything around me quiets. I draw out my fingers, leaning toward her, hovering over her. My hand grips her thigh, cing it over my waist. She doesn''t take her eyes off of me and I love it.


    I love the way she looks at me. Awe, love and pure eptance in her pupils. They drop down to my lips the moment I press against her entrance. Her hands go to my shoulders


    and she buries her nails into my skin.


    I want her marks on me. I want those scars.


    She widens her hips, opening herself up as I slowly sink inside her, inch by inch.


    I don''t know how I''m still breathing. How my lungs haven''t copsed under the weight of


    this.


    Of her and this moment. Nothing, not even my most desperate imaginings, prepared me


    for how she feels. How soft her skin is beneath my hands.


    How perfect my cock feels inside her. She''s dripping for me, her insides pulsing around


    1. me.


    She breathes, moaning, her eyes on mine. We watch each other, and I take in every twitch. of her face. I love the way pleasure looks on her, the way her eyebrows perk and the way


    her eyes look so deep.


    I fill her, stretch her until there''s no space between us. I''m inside herpletely and I am


    home.


    Every sigh from her lips wrecks me. Every shift of her hips steals my breath.


    Every time she whispers that she loves me, I feel my soul wing its way closer


    to the surface, like it recognizes the only thing it was made for.


    She''s mine. But fuck, I''m hers more.


    I don''t want this to end. I want to stay in this moment forever, inside her, surrounded by her warmth, her scent, the way she clutches at me like I''m wanted.


    Does she know? That I''ve never belonged anywhere the way I belong right here, body to body, heart to heart.


    I love her. I love her so much it hurts.


    It''s overwhelming, this worship. This helpless, all-consuming love. I''ve spent a year with nothing but memories. With silence where her voice used to be. With a bed too cold and too big.


    Now she''s here and I''ll never let her go again.


    Please don''t leave. Please stay.


    I thrust into her, slow and paced. Her hands slide up my back, to the back of my neck and she kisses me. I take her lips, moving over them as I feel the shudder of my release climb through my spine.


    Fuck. This is heaven. This is nirvana.


    My hips move out of my control. I''m spasming, my climax a race.


    Alina whimpers beneath me. Shaking. She grabs my hand, lowering it to her clit. I dly circle it, watching as her expression falls, as she slowly falls apart.


    "I love you," she moans, her back arching.


    "I love you, Alina. Fuck, I love you."


    Tears stream down the sides of her face and I wipe them away, still thrusting into


    her, still circling her clit. We breathe into each other, our bodies moving in tandem. This is the


    most natural thing in the world.


    She''s beautiful. Holy fuck.


    "Zaid, I''ming. Oh, I-"


    Her eyes shut tight and I grip her ass, thrusting into her, wanting to fill her at the same time that she pulses around me.


    With her head thrown back, she lets out a mewl, her body convulsing beneath mine. I wrap my hands around her waist, holding her as Ie inside her.


    I pulse, pumping, filling her until I feel numb.


    This is it. This is happiness and purpose.


    Loving her. Touching her. Being hers.


    This is all I''ve ever needed. This is all I''ll ever want. Her. Always her.


    I fall into her neck, breathing her scent and kissing her skin. Her legs are wrapped


    tight around me, her own lips pressing kisses down my cheek.


    "I love you, Zaid."


    "I''m yours. Obsessed and hopelessly yours."


    She cups my face, bringing my lips to hers. She kisses me so softly, like she thinks I might break. I don''t fight it, I''m afraid this is all a dream. I wrap my hands around her, lifting her and turning us so that I''m the oneying down and she''s straddling me.


    My cock is still buried inside her, right where it belongs.


    We kiss until we have toe up for air and she rests her chin on my chest,zily rubbing her fingers on my skin. Her eyes widen as I get hard again, stretching her skin.


    "I look at you and all I want is more," I rasp.


    She pushes herself up, keeping her hands on my chest, and gently rocks her


    hips. I hiss, gripping her waist.


    "You''re my home," she whispers, her eyes on mine, showing me she''s telling the


    truth. "I belong right here with you. I won''t ever leave again."

 Chapter 262

    Alina


    5 Months Later (Thanksgiving)


    I smile to myself, closing my eyes for a second as I inhale the smell of better and


    roasted garlic. I mash the potatoes with a steady rhythm, humming to a song I''ve


    had stuck in my


    head all week.


    It doesn''t matter to me that I''m a bit off-key. Zaid is the only one here, and he


    likes my


    humming.


    Warm arms wrap around my waist from behind, and I feel his chest press against my back just as his lips find the side of my neck. I lean into him, chuckling when his kisses trail


    down slowly.


    My skin breaks out in goosebumps, they ripple down my spine despite the warmth in the kitchen. I try to wiggle away from him and the ticklish sensation, but he keeps me locked


    in his arms.


    "Zaid," Iugh, "I have to finish the potatoes."


    "Take a break," He whispers.


    I roll my eyes and feel him grin against my skin.


    "Turkey''s got another hour. That''s just enough time to sneak upstairs and mess around a


    little. Or a lot."


    I turn in his mine, rich


    ms to face him, smili


    ven as I shake my head. His eyes meet


    and dark, full of everything I still can''t believe is mine. There''s this look he gets, this


    quiet, soul-deep way he watches me like he''s falling in love with me all over again. Every day, every time. It never fades. It never dulls.


    It''s not new anymore, but somehow, with Zaid, it still feels new. That love doesn''t settle. It doesn''t level off. It stays high, burning in him and in me like it''s just begun.


    The part that undoes me is how constant it is, how unwavering his love is.


    I rise on my toes and kiss him. When I pull back, I whisper, "We can''t. Aiden''s bringing his new girlfriend, remember? I want to make a good impression."


    He frowns a little. "Are you afraid she''s not going to like you?"


    I y with the button of his shirt, avoiding his gaze and shrug. ¡°Maybe? I mean, I don''t know how much Aiden has told her about me, but I feel like it would be very easy to hate me. I mean, I would if the roles were reversed."


    He tucks my hair behind my ears. "Give yourself for credit, love. You''re a kind person. Besides, I wouldn''t let her say anything bad about you or to you. Aiden wouldn''t either."


    I think he''s right about that, I trust it. I nod, smiling softly.


    "So, does that mean we can sneak upstairs for a bit?"


    I shake my head with a smile.


    He groans like a man who''s just been denied air. "You''re killing me, Alina."


    Iugh and nudge his chest before turning back to the potatoes. He sighs and


    heads toward the living room, turning on music that drifts into the kitchen.


    I finish the mashed potatoes, add a bit more salt, and just as I''m wiping my hands, Zaid appears again at my side, extending his hand.


    "Dance with me," he says.


    I don''t even hesitate. I slip my hand into his, and we sway slowly in the kitchen, the afternoon light spilling in through the windows. His arms wrap around me again, and I rest my head against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat through his shirt.


    Thesest six months with Zaid have been the kind of perfect I never believed existed. It''s like the rough edges of our lives are just the right shape to hold each other. Everything between us just fell into ce.


    And when Aiden called to tell us he''d met someone, I''d never heard him sound so happy. Zaid and I were genuinely thrilled. We couldn''t wait to meet her.


    I lift my gaze, and Zaid is looking at me. Like loving me isn''t something he''s doing, it''s something he is. And I wonder if he knows that I feel the same. That every time I look at him, I still feel that rush, like we''re at the start even though we''re deep in the middle.


    I kiss his chest and let myself melt into the moment until the doorbell rings.


    Zaid grins and pulls away. "That''s them."


    He walks toward the door, and I take a moment to untie my apron, quickly fluffing my hair and smoothing the front of my sweater. I hear voices, Aiden''sugh, and a lighter, unfamiliar voiceced with excitement. I head into the foyer just in time to see Aiden hugging Zaid and holding hands with a tall, stunning blonde.


    She turns toward me with a smile that''s all sweetness and warmth.


    "This is Zoe," Aiden says, smiling like a proud man. "Zoe, this is Alina."


    Zoe wraps me in a gentle hug that feels real. "It''s so nice to finally meet you, I''ve heard


    so much about you.".


    "It''s so nice to meet you, too," I reply, instantly liking her.


    Zaid gestures toward the living room. "Come in, getfortable. I''ll grab drinks."


    We all settle in, the room filled with soft light, the scent of roasted herbs, and the hum of


    jazz still ying in the background. Zaid sits beside me, reaching for my hand andcing our fingers together. He kisses the side of my head, and I can feel that look on him again,


    even without seeing it.


    That same look. The one that never goes away. The one that reminds me I''m not just


    loved, I''m chosen, again and again.


    ¡°Elena and Noah should be here any minute,¡± I say, turning to Aiden and Zoe. Aiden lights up. "Fuck yeah. He''s funny. I really like Noah."


    I giggle. "Me too. Especially now that he finally convinced Elena to marry him."


    Laughter bubbles around the room as we sip our drinks and getfortable around each


    other.

 Chapter 263

    Alina


    There''s a warmth that settles inside of me when the tes are scraped clean and the wine''s been poured for the third time. We''re all leaned back in our chairs around the


    dining table, tired from turkey and fromughing too much, and full in every sense of the


    word.


    Zaid''s fingers are restingzily on my knee under the table, his thumb tracing small, absent circles. I nce at him, and he looks rxed, alsopletely at peace.


    As much as we like having this house to ourselves, having it filled with friends and family


    is priceless.


    Aiden''s arm is slung across the back of Zoe''s chair, Elena is swirling her wine with


    mischievous smirk, and Noah''s pretending not to notice.


    "So," Elena says, tipping her head toward Aiden and Zoe. "How did you two meet?"


    Aiden gives a softugh, scratching the back of his neck. "At school."


    Zoe grins. "We had this athlete mixer during orientation week. I y volleyball for UCLA. Aiden was standing with a bunch of basketball guys, trying to look like he wasn''t staring


    at me."


    Aiden groans with augh. "I was not staring at you."


    "You absolutely were," she teases.


    He smiles at her, like she is the light in his eyes. The same way Zaid looks at me.


    "He looked so nervous. I had to walk over and introduce myself," she says, rubbing her


    hand up and down his thigh.


    We allugh, and I catch the subtle pink creeping up Aiden''s cheeks. His eyes flit to Zoe like she''s the only person in the room. Oh, this man is in love. I don''t need


    to be told, it''s all over his face, in the softness of his smile, the way his body leans toward hers without realizing it.


    Aiden turns to Noah, trying to deflect. "What about you, man? How''d you finally get


    Elena to agree to marry you?"


    Noah chuckles, taking a sip of his whiskey. "Honestly? I think it was all Alina''s doing."


    I nearly choke on my wine,ughing. "Me? I did nothing."


    Elena rolls her eyes dramatically and smacks Noah''s arm. "No one convinced me.


    It was just time. And everyone here is invited to the wedding, by the way. I''ll send out save-the-


    dates soon. It''ll be in Italy."


    There''s a collective cheer, followed by a chorus of excited questions and half- drunk toasts.


    Zaid squeezes my knee.


    "I''m gonna go get dessert ready," I say, pushing back from the table with a smile.


    As I step into the kitchen and start arranging slices of pie onto tes, I hear soft footsteps behind me. I turn and see Zoe walking in, towering over me with her easy,


    confident smile.


    "Need any help?" she asks, already walking to the fridge.


    ¡°Uh, sure, yeah,¡± I say, caught a little off guard. "Can you grab the ice cream?"


    "On it." She pulls it out and sets it on the counter before looking at me with intent, like there''s more she came in here for. "Actually, I just wanted to check in with you."


    I blink. "With me?"


    She gives me a smile that''s warm but careful. "Aiden told me you two used to date. He


    said it ended amicably. That you were always in love with Zaid."


    I nod, smiling softly, not able to stop the heat crawling up my cheeks.


    "And I don''t want there to be anything weird between us," she says gently.


    Relief floods me, and I smile at her. "I really don''t want anything weird between us either. I want Aiden to be happy. And he looks so happy with you. He like you so much more than he''s ever liked me."


    Zoe bites her lip, her smile turning shy for the first time. "I really like him. I know


    it''s


    only been three months, and maybe that''s fast, but,I don''t know. It feels right. Is


    that


    weird?"


    Iugh, rxing immediately. "Not even a little. Trust me."


    I am not sure how much Aiden has told her exactly about how we used to date, but I''ll leave that up to him. All I''m happy about is that there is some truth made known to her. Theyplement each other so well and I would hate to be the person thates between them.


    "Thank you," she whispers, reaching for my hand.


    I take out the ice cream scoop, and we add one to each te. "What are you studying in school?"


    "I am studyingmunications, you? Do you go to school?" Her yoice is soft, sweet.


    I nod. "Yeah, I''m going to art school. Not sure what I want to do with it yet."


    We talk until we finish serving, and then I motion to the tes. "Help me carry these?"


    We head back into the dining room, each carrying a few dessert tes. As we pass them


    around, the conversation picks back up. Elena teasing Noah about his inability to foldundry, Aiden and I making thement that Zaid also sucks at folding.


    Zaid doesn''t even try to defend himself. "I might not foldundry, but I cook a lot.¡± Zoeughs. "That''s a surprise, considering Aiden does not know how to cook at all."


    Aiden feigns hurt and everyoneughs.


    I sit back down next to Zaid and watch them all.


    My people. My family.


    There are still things up in the air. I don''t know where we stand with Jake. I don''t know where I stand with my mother. There''s a quiet ache that sometimes creeps


    in when I think too long about either. But tonight, none of that has weight.


    Tonight, I am full. My heart, my home, my life.


    Zaid catches me staring, reaches for my hand under the table, and links our


    fingers.


    And just like that, I know I''m exactly where I''m supposed to be.


    Here. My home.


    The End.

 Chapter 264

    Alina 3 Years Later


    Here I am,pletely undone by seven pounds of squishy baby.


    I cradle Elena''s son in my arms, his tiny body wrapped in a pale blue nket, his


    little fists opening and closing like he''s trying to find something.


    One of his fingers wraps around mine and I forget how to breathe. My chest swells, my eyes sting, and I can''t stop smiling like an idiot.


    God, he''s perfect.


    I wiggle my finger against his tiny palm, whispering a quiet hi. He coos and it hits me like


    a punch to the heart.


    I want one.


    No, I want five.


    If they all feel this soft, smell this good, make my heart ache with love, then I want five.


    I never used to think of myself as a mother. Not seriously. Not beyond that pregnancy scare that had me spiraling, unsure of the future and everything in it. But now? Now I''m sitting here, in a quiet hospital room and everything feels clear.


    "He''s absolutely beautiful," I say, looking up.


    Thement was meant for Elena, but she''s out cold on the bed, snoring softly,pletely knocked out from forty-eight hours ofbor. Augh slips from my lips, she would hate to know that I''ve heard her snore.


    "She deserves the rest," Noah murmurs beside me, even as he tries to hide his chuckle. He leans over and presses a kiss to her forehead, brushing a strand of hair from her damp temple. "It was a long couple of days."


    There''s so much love in his eyes that it steals my breath again.


    My eyes drift across the room to Zaid.


    He''s sitting in the corner chair, his elbows on his knees, his dark eyes fixed on me like I''m some kind of vixen. His gaze is molten, hooded and hungry, wild.


    I know that look.


    It''s the look he gives me when he''s overwhelmed. He''s not even blinking, just watching the way I cradle that tiny baby boy like I was made to do it.


    He''s been getting better with hospitals, and when Elena announced his pregnancy, he


    doubled his therapy. He was determined to here for her.


    But with the way he is looking at me, I have a feeling the hospital fear is thest thing on


    his mind.


    I know exactly what he''s thinking, because I''m thinking it too.


    I look at Noah and gently pass the baby back into his arms. "Thank you for letting us visit.


    We''lle back tomorrow. With food. And hopefully you''ll be discharged soon?" "Fingers crossed," he says, smiling down at his son.


    I stand and reach for Zaid''s hand. He doesn''t speak. Doesn''t blink. Just rises wordlessly


    and follows me out.


    The ride back home is quiet, but the sibtle thrum of his thumb on my thigh has me feeling so much peace.


    We barely make it through the front door of our house before he''s on me, devouring me


    with lips. His hands are everywhere, on me as we stumble our way up the stairs, taking off


    our clothes with every step.


    I kiss him back just as hungrily, losing myself in the feel of him, the taste, the heat that simmers just below the surface. As soon as he closes the door to his bedroom, he pulls


    apart, his hands on my arms to keep me away/


    Our chests are heaving and I''m standing in my underwear, him in his briefs.


    I look at him. "Zaid?"


    "I was going to wait," he whispers, breathless. "I''ve been trying so fucking hard to wait."


    I blink up at him, confused. "Wait for what?"


    He doesn''t answer right away. Just reaches for the bookshelf, pulling down his weathered leather journal. The one that looks exactly like the one he gave me when we first moved


    into this ce.


    I frown, eyebrows pulling together as he hands it to me.


    "Page five," he says softly.


    My hands tremble just a little as I open it, flipping to the page.


    It''s his list. His list of hopes and dreams, of goals for this new start of our life, almost five


    years ago.


    I remember writing my list on the floor.


    But I look at his list and the very first line wrecks me. It tears me apart.


    1. Marry Alina.


    My vision blurs instantly, tears burning their way to the surface. My breath catches


    as I


    slowly lower the journal.


    Zaid is in front of me, closing in, stepping closer with a ring in his hand.


    "I told myself to not ask you until after your graduation."


    I raise my eyes from the ring and look into his. He pushes me until I''m up agains


    the wall and his hips drive into mine, the ring between us.


    "I''ve waited, and I would''ve waited forever, but fuckl don''t want to anymore, I want


    now.


    I wan us to start our life now."


    My lips part.


    "I saw you hold him, Alina, and I fucking saw my future sh before my eyes. Why


    can''t


    we start it now?"


    I nod. "We can."


    "Fuck, marry me, love. Marry me, please."


    The journal slips from my fingers and hits the floor with a soft thud. I wrap my


    arms around his neck and pull him into me, kissing him.


    "Yes. Yes, Zaid. Always, yes," I whisper between kisses, between struggles for breath.


    He kisses me back, stealing my oxygen as he blindly slides the ring on my finger.


    He proposed to me while we were in our underwear, and nothing could be more


    perfect.


    "I love you," he says into my ear. "I love you so fucking much."


    He wraps his arms around my waist and carries me to the bed. I cup his face,


    finding myself in his eyes.


    "I love you, Zaid. I love you."


    The Novel will be updated first on this website. Come back and


    continue reading tomorrow, everyone!