《In Love With My Boyfriend鈥檚 Brother》 Chapter 1 ¡°My brother arrives today from Canada.¡± I read the message and remember that Mattmented on this a few days ago. That his younger brother had finished school and would being to New York to live with him. ¡± What time will he arrive?¡± I am interested to know, for good reason. Matt soon answers: ¡°His flight arrives afternoon.¡± I had to stayte finishing a college paper and didn¡¯t have time to meet Matt and since we will have his apartment to ourselves for a short time, I already have a n in mind to make a proper farewell. I just reply: ¡°Okay. Good night, love.¡± And Iy down to sleep for at least the rest of the night, I have to wake up very early if I want to surprise him before he goes jogging in the morning. The rm goes off at 5:15 a. m., I jump out of bed. I am still sleepy, but I am determined to go to Matt¡¯s apartment. We have been together for over a year now and it has been the best months of my life. Matt is amazing, romantic, and always gives me wonderful surprises, like outings, dinners, trips, and today I¡¯ve decided it¡¯s my turn. As soon as I get out of my car I look at the clock, it is still 6:15. He usually leaves exactly at 6:30 if I arrive soon I will be able to stop him from leaving. I put on only ck lingerie and a trench coat over it, so it won¡¯t be hard to convince him to stay. I smile at the thought of this and his surprised face. I make as little noise as possible as I open the front door with the key he has given me since the beginning of our rtionship. The lights in the whole apartment are off and it¡¯s nice in here, not cold like it is outside. I tiptoe to his room, open the door slowly, I can see a silhouette under the nket, I thank the heavens that I made it before he left. I undo the knot I made in the front of my trench coat and ce it on a chair nearby, I give my hair a slight shake to make it look messy and slightly sexy. This is not my style, but if I want to innovate today, then anything goes, even being different than I usually act. Wearing only my lingerie, I walk to the other side of the bed and lightly pull the nket over me as I approach him. I like the warmth thates from him because it makes me forget how cold it was on the way here, but just knowing that I¡¯m close to him makes my body temperature rise.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. I get closer now with my body even closer to his, I put my hand on his arm, my face is at the height of his neck, I deposit a kiss half dyed there and just feel him move slowly, he seems to be in a deep sleep, but let¡¯s change this quickly. I close my eyes because I¡¯m loving this perfume while I kiss his neck one more time. My hand goes down his arm, taking a lower direction. He¡¯s shirtless, but¡­ Is he wearing jeans? Matt doesn¡¯t usually sleep like this, but it doesn¡¯t matter now, I¡¯m already at a point where I don¡¯t want to pay attention to the details anymore, I want him kissing me and holding me tight like he always does and he does it well. And thinking about it all makes me feel more in need of him. I want to feel him. Then I move my hand down a little further finding something warm, soft, and just the way I need it to be, really ready. I make smooth, rhythmic movements as I continue kissing him and now I can hear him breathing heavily and its sexy music to my ears which only makes me intensify my hand movements. And I feel him turn to me, his body resting on top of mine and I open my eyes to meet his eyes, which I¡¯m sure are just as burning with desire as mine and I have my best smile andI scream. These eyes are looking at me intensely and confused at the same time, but they are not Matt¡¯s eyes. Ouch, damn it! That¡¯s all I can say. The guy still looks sleepy and confused. I try to move to get out from under this guy, but he instinctively holds my arms and asks me to stay calm. Then he startsughing. I don¡¯t understand why he¡¯sughing, but it makes me angrier. I say: ¡°You¡¯re not Matt!¡± He just replies with a half-smile: ¡°I¡¯m not, but I swear at the moment I wish I was.¡± He then lets go of me and falls to the side of the bed and I realize something. This hair, the smile, even the body. I quickly get up from the bed. ¡± Damn it! You¡¯re his brother!¡± He is still reveling in the situation because he isughing as he puts his hand to his eyes. But as soon as his eyes open and he looks at me, he seems kind of serious now. He looks me up and down and only then do I realize that I am only wearing ck tiny lingerie. ¡°Shit, shit, shit!¡± I turn around on the bed trying to hide my body with my hands even though I know it is doing no good. I look once more in his direction and he is following me with his eyes. I ask: ¡°Where¡¯s Matt?¡± As if that would somehow take his attention away from my body, but I know that¡¯s not happening. At least he stoppedughing. ¡°I don¡¯t know, I think he went for a walk or something.¡± I continue: ¡°Why are you here? You¡¯re not supposed to be here now.¡± He just smiles at my statement and says: ¡°I took a different flight than nned and arrived at five o¡¯clock this morning.¡± I realize that I am still wearing almost nothing as I talk to him. I look around for my trench coat, but can¡¯t find it, more nervousness I guess. He then gets up and walks over to me and approaches that chair and hands it to me. ¡°Are you looking for this?¡± He has a half-smile, which I would say is sexy if it weren¡¯t for the situation. I keep my eyes on his for a brief second and hold on getting dressed as fast as I can. As soon as I¡¯m done, he takes a deep breath, still looking amused, and says: ¡°Let me see, you must be Skyler?¡± I force a dull smile. He continues: ¡°I¡¯m Yan.¡± He holds out his hand to me and I hold it without much firmness as I say: ¡°Yeah, now I know.¡± He finds this amusing. I don¡¯t. There is silence. I¡¯ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life, I want to ask him what he¡¯s doing in Matt¡¯s room, but I can¡¯t say anything. Just stare at some part of the room that isn¡¯t him. Because I swear I¡¯ve been staring too long at this abdomen. I keep my arms folded tightly around my body as if he hadn¡¯t already seen me almost naked minutes ago and thinking about it I want to disappear now. But I hear the door opening. Mattes in saying: ¡°Yan, I took the opportunity and bought the coffee¡­.¡± But he interrupts what he was about to say when he sees me and says: ¡°Sky?¡± Chapter 2 I don¡¯t think I have many colors on my face, but I do my best to cover it up, because Matt is looking from Yan to me. I say: ¡°I thought you would be here and¡­¡± Yan interrupts me: ¡°As soon as you left I ended up lying on your bed anyway. She knocked on the door and when I opened it, well, I guess she didn¡¯t expect to find me here.¡± He has that sexy half-smile again, full of history between the lines, which is ignored by Matt, but which makes my cheeks burn. Matt seems to have believed it because his face looks different than when he looked at us a few seconds ago. Then Matt heads toward the kitchen. I look at Yan and try to ignore that he is still shirtless and now I can see that he has several tattoos and I find that I am staring at him again. So I look away and say softly: ¡°Thank you.¡± He smiles and I am starting to find his smile interesting. And I don¡¯t think it¡¯s right to feel that way. He says he is going back to bed and I walk toward the kitchen where Matt is. ¡°Different clothes.¡± Matt tells me as we drink coffee. Just thinking about it makes my breathing start to feel different because I remember what happened earlier. So I just say: ¡°It was supposed to be a surprise for you, but I don¡¯t think it¡¯s going to work out anymore.¡± He looks at me with wild thoughts. Hees toward me and I ask,ughing: ¡°What?¡± But he just picks me up and I¡¯mughing as we go into the other room where Yan is supposed to be. Matt puts me down after we enter the bedroom and as he tries to untie the knot of my trench coat and kiss me at the same time, I say: ¡°Isn¡¯t it kind of weird, with him here?¡± He knows who I¡¯m talking about and says: ¡°Yan is not a child, he is already 18 years old and from what I know he has dated more girls than I have in my 22 years.¡± I end upughing along with him but thinking about what he said at the same time. Does Yan date many women? So that¡¯s why he seems so arrogant. But I don¡¯t want to think about him now. Because I¡¯ll be embarrassed again if I remember all this. Now I¡¯d rather think about doing something else. Now I want Matt. ¡­ ¡°I have to go.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Matt grumbles pulling me back to the bed. I turn over and give him a kiss saying: ¡°I have to clean the house.¡±N?vel(D)rama.Org''s content. He looks disappointed that he can¡¯t convince me, but he knows I have to go. He turns to the corner and says: ¡°Yan is probably still sleeping and I will do the same.¡± I say goodbye and call himter. I tie my hair and leave the room. Before I leave I go to the kitchen to get some water let¡¯s just say Matt has made me sweat a little and thinking about it makes me want to go back to the room and spend some more time with him. I am still biting back a smile when Yan walks into the kitchen shirtless and with his hair all messed up. He walks past me, looking me up and down with that smile on the corner of his mouth, and goes towards the refrigerator to get something. I take a long drink of water. Because no matter how dressed I am now I know that when he is looking at me, he is seeing me just like earlier today. He turns around with a soda in his hand. He looks at me as he brings the bottle to his mouth, I know he doesn¡¯t do it in slow motion, but I see it like this. The way the muscles in his abdomen and arms flex with this simple movement, it¡¯s kind of hypnotic. Matt is not like that, he has a defined body, but he doesn¡¯t have these tattoos and¡­ Damn! He realizes that I¡¯m staring again. I try to say something to cover it up and say the first shit thates to mind: ¡°Why are you awake?¡± As soon as I¡¯m done I want to disappear again, he¡¯ll end up thinking his brother is dating a retard. And he smiles. At least I amuse him. He stops drinking his soda, looks at me, and says: ¡°I even wanted to sleep a little longer, but a girl was moaning so sexily on the other side of the wall that it made my sleep go away.¡± I swallow hard. I swear my face is burning right now. Matt has said it a few times and I know I make noise when I¡¯m fucking someone, but I swear I don¡¯t even notice. Damn it again! So I was worried about his brother¡¯s arrival, something was telling me this wasn¡¯t going to work out. I am still static. He still looks at me smiling, as he bites his lower lip with a look where I can see that he knows this has made me very embarrassed again. Then heughs. And I find that not only is his smile interesting, the sound of hisugh is also pleasant. Then he says:¡±I¡¯m sorry, but it¡¯s just that you look funny when you look like that. He still looks at me smiling. I find that I am very annoyed with him. Who does he think I am? Some clown who¡¯s just there to amuse him? I say nothing, give him my best re and walk out and toward the door. He looks surprised at my reaction. I don¡¯t care, I just want to get away from this annoying human being. So I do. But as I reach the door, I hear him call my name. I don¡¯t turn around and open the door leaving the apartment. A few secondster already in the hallway, I hear the door open again behind me and himing towards me asking me to wait. I keep my steps steady as I walk down the hall toward the stairs. But his hands hold me down and I try to let go, he insists that I listen to him, I don¡¯t want to, but he pushes me against the wall making mee face to face with him. Chapter 3 I open my eyes as I take a deep breath. I don¡¯t like that we are this close. At least he has a shirt on now. When he realizes that I¡¯m calmer he lets go but even then he still stands very close to me and says: ¡°It¡¯s serious, I¡¯m sorry.¡± I still don¡¯t say anything, I can only look at him in anger because that¡¯s what I feel now, anger. But he realizes this and continues: ¡°I just wanted to piss you off because you went and left me like that and I swear it was really hard to control myself after everything you did.¡± If he is trying to make me morefortable, he is going the wrong way, because all I can think about is what happened earlier, how my hand was inside his pants, hours earlier and it makes me blush even more. I swallow again as I remember my hand exploring his entire body. He realizes this, but continues as he walks away facing me: ¡°Can we start again?¡± I stare at him for a while. He seems to be serious. I end up extending my hand to him and return his smile. I say after a while: ¡°I don¡¯t like lying to Matt.¡± He knows that I am talking about what he said happened to Matt earlier today. He then says: ¡°I don¡¯t either, but I don¡¯t think he would understand, that we shared a bed and that you did a great job down here.¡± He says, looking down at his pants. It¡¯s official, Yan does have the power to make me embarrassed in front of him. I try to disguise the fact that what he said had me disconcerted and say: ¡°Okay, so let¡¯s forget about what happened.¡± I give him my best smile. He replies: ¡°Okay¡±. And he turns around and is about to head back in the direction of their apartment when he turns to me again and says: ¡°Well, in my case¡­ I will try to forget about it.¡± And he winks one eye. Okay, I didn¡¯t like the effect this had on me. 1 monthter. I had to live with Yan¡¯s presence. I¡¯m not saying that we¡¯re the best friends in the world, but at least he no longer says those things that make me feel embarrassed. ¡­ I¡¯m on the couch in the living room watching a movie with Matt, Yanes out of the bedroom,es into the living room and sits down next to us. I hear the microwave tell me that the popcorn is ready. I pass by him and go over to get it. I look around the room, Matt is concentrating on the movie, but Yan is looking at me. He is wearing a ck sweater with a cap that covers his head and almost hides his face.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. He¡¯s into skateboarding as far as I can tell, and that must be style. He slowly looks away, back at the TV, but not before I realized that he was looking at me. I take a deep breath. We hadn¡¯t exchanged nces like that. I walk past him back to my seat next to Matt and it¡¯s as if I can feel his eyes on us, as Matt kisses me quickly on the lips. Yan gets up and says that he has to take care of something somewhere and walks out the front door. How can they be brothers and be so different at the same time? I think as I sit on the couch and theye out of their rooms, Matt finishing the knot on his tie and Yan wearing a shirt from a band I don¡¯t recognize and ripped jeans. Mattes over to me and kisses me quickly, he iste for work and I¡¯m going to catch a ride with him to the mall near thepany where he works as awyer. Yan also goes with us, he is still not studying, Matt says that he has not decided what career he wants to pursue and for now he will just work until he tries to get into a university. He works in a musical instrument store in the mall. ¡­ Today is my birthday, so I¡¯m in this store, Matt told me to buy a nice dress that he will call some friends to celebrate in his apartment. ¡°What¡¯s up, baby?¡± I turn around and my friend Katie, who I haven¡¯t seen in a long time, is with open arms. Shees over and hugs me tight. She tells me that Matt called her and told her toe to the party. Katie lives in another city and I loved the surprise. After we try on some dresses, we decide to go to the food court for a snack. I am distracted on my cell phone when Katie says: ¡°Sky, don¡¯t look now but a hot guy ising to us.¡± I raise my eyes absentmindedly, he arrives, I look surprised and say: ¡°Yan?¡± Katie looks at me with a surprised face, but happy at the same time to know that I know him. I ignore the huge smile she has on her face and say to Yan: ¡°You around here?¡± He smiles and I swear Katie is going to faint now. I roll my eyes and he says: ¡°I just came to get a snack.¡± I feel a kick in my leg and Katie looks at me out of the corner of her eye. I just say: ¡°Hey!¡± Yan looks at me confused, I smile to cover it up and say: ¡°Yan, this is my friend Katie.¡± He says hi and she practically melts as she answers back. I roll my eyes again. She says something about a series and I notice it¡¯s about his t-shirt they are fado and I think, ¡± So it wasn¡¯t a band.¡± I end upughing and don¡¯t realize I did it out loud. They look at me not understanding anything and I just say: ¡°What? I¡¯m just reading something funny here on my cell phone.¡± They ignore me again and go back to talking about that TV show. After a while, Yan says he has to go. He looks at me in that intense way that causes a blush on my face, which I quickly try to cover up and leave. I take a long sip of my soda and tell Katie that we¡¯ll be right there. I have to say it again because she is still mesmerized by him as he walks in the opposite direction. She says: ¡°I want him! I want him so bad!¡± I roll my eyes once more and sheughs. The problem is that I don¡¯t like what I just heard. Chapter 4 All afternoon I have to listen to Katie saying how beautiful and hot Yan is. ¡­ The eveninges and while we are getting ready for the party in front of the mirror in my closet, she says: ¡°Will you tell me you haven¡¯t noticed how gorgeous he is, Sky?¡± I look at her as I pause with my lipstick and say: ¡°Yeah, he¡¯s handsome, so what?¡± I pretend to ignore it, but inside I realize that this is the first time I¡¯ve admitted out loud what I¡¯ve been thinking all this time after I met him. She just says: ¡°So what, we¡¯re going to be sister-inw, dammit!¡± Sheughs, I just pretend to find it funny. ¡­Material ? of N?velDrama.Org. For the party, I opted for a ck dress, a little short, but enough to make me feelfortable. I don¡¯t like to call too much attention. Katie, on the contrary, chose a very short red dress, which contrasted very well with her white skin and blonde hair. As soon as we arrive, I open the door, Matt sees me and says: ¡°The birthday girl is here!¡± Everyone looks in our direction, but my eyes catch his. Yan is at the far end of the room talking to two other guys and I swear he looks surprised as he rolls his eyes down my body. Yan introduces me to that guy ¡°This is Max.¡± He introduces me to Kyle, but I see that he is more interested in Katie¡¯s cleavage. She however even after meeting the guys, still seems totally into Yan. I decide to leave them there talking because I am still too focused on that hug. What the fuck is happening to me? I don¡¯t know, but I have to let it go. I go over to where Matt is and decide to have my drink to try to get these thoughts out of my head. Sometimeter, Katiees up to me and tells me that she is going out with Yan and the other guys. She winks at me and I want to wish her good luck, but I can¡¯t. She says she¡¯s going back to my apartment and I¡¯m going to go back to my apartment ?and I hand her the keys. I look at them walking out the door and feel my heart squeeze, I conclude that it¡¯s because I¡¯m worried about Katie and for no other reason¡­. The party suddenly feels a little empty. ¡­ I wake up and look at the clock, it¡¯s three in the morning. The party ended at two o¡¯clock and I still haven¡¯t fallen asleep. Matt is sound asleep next to me. I get up and go to the kitchen to get a ss of water. Minutester I hear the sound ofughter at the door, which is then opened. I hear Yanughing, while Katie says some nonsensical things andughs too. She doesn¡¯t seem very much in her normal state, so I go into the living room and find Yan holding Katie with one of her arms resting on his shoulder and his other hand around her waist. Katie lifts her face, looks at me, andughs saying: ¡°It¡¯s all spinning, Sky!¡± ¡°What did you do to her?¡± He looks at me in disbelief and with a smile on his face. ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything!¡± She¡¯s the one who overdrank. He puts her on the couch and I walk towards them. As I ask Katie if she¡¯s okay, I see out of the corner of my eye that Yan keeps looking at me and, only then do I remember that I¡¯m wearing pajamas, which by the way don¡¯t have the longest shorts in the world. But so what, I had no idea that he would be back here so soon. He then says: ¡°I was going to take her to your ce like she asked, but then I remembered that I have no idea where you live.¡± Heughs, I guess she wasn¡¯t the only one who drank tonight. I say after some thought. ¡°Dammit!¡± Katie is going to hate waking up here after all this. I stand up and feel Yan¡¯s eyes follow me. I turn to him who looks away and say: ¡°What do I do? Matt lent Gabe his car and I don¡¯t want to wake him up now.¡± Yan interrupts me: ¡°Tell me your address and I¡¯ll take her. I¡¯m in Kyle¡¯s car.¡± I look at him incredulously, stand up and walk toward him, saying: ¡°You drove after drinking and still brought my friend with you?¡± He justughs and says: ¡°Calm down! I couldn¡¯t let her finish the strip-tease she started at that bar!¡± ¡°Strip-tease? What strip-tease?¡± ¡°Katie climbed up on a table in the middle of the bar we were at and started taking off her clothes.¡± I¡¯m bbergasted and he continues: ¡°I was enjoying it, but there were a lot of cell phones pointed in her direction and then I realized that you wouldn¡¯t like seeing your friend naked tomorrow on all the socialworks.¡± Okay, maybe he scored a point in your favor by bringing her back home. ¡°But that still doesn¡¯t justify you driving around after drinking!¡± He just says: ¡°Wow, you look like Matt! How old are you? Fifty?¡± It annoys me in a way I can¡¯t exin, just because he¡¯s irresponsible and I¡¯m not, doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m that much older than him. So I answer: ¡°I¡¯m 21!¡± I just wonder why after I say that he looks me up and down biting his lower lip. But I don¡¯t question it though. ¡°Okay, then tell me your address and I¡¯ll bring her to your house!¡± ¡°You¡¯re not going to take her by yourself, like that.¡± ¡°Then what are you going to do?¡± ¡°I¡¯lle with you!¡± I don¡¯t know why, but he seems to like that idea. He then says: ¡°And you¡¯re going like this?¡± I look at my body and remember that I¡¯m only in my pajamas, but I¡¯m not going back to Matt¡¯s room to put on that tight dress. I say: ¡°Yep.¡± He doesn¡¯t question it. I say more to myself than to anyone in the room: ¡°I¡¯lle back early tomorrow morning and exin to Matt why I left in the middle of the night. You better slow down. Stop it Sky! I didn¡¯t even drink that much!¡± I give up on him. I turn to the back seat to find Katie looking like she is sleeping and doped up and that is exactly what is happening. I then turn forward and as I look out at the street, I think: ¡°Katie, you owe me one!¡± ¡­ We arrive at the front door of my apartment, Yan has to carry Katie the same way he carried her when he arrived earlier at Matt¡¯s apartment. As he holds her and she mumbles something inaudible, I put my keys in the door. We put Katie on my bed. As I watch her there, Yan crosses his arms and says: ¡°Won¡¯t you walk me to the door?¡± He has something different in his eyes, but I don¡¯t question it and walk with him to the door. ¡°That¡¯s it!¡± I say when we are finally outside. Then he starts to walk around me while looking at me smiling. I have no idea what this kid is up to. He stops with his back to the door. He still looks at me. Then I hear the sound of the key being turned in the lock. I ask, already a little anxious: ¡°What are you doing?¡± He holds up the keys and says: ¡°You¡¯re going somewhere with me! Are you crazy Yan? I¡¯m not leaving here, especially at this hour!¡± ¡°Oh yes you are.¡± I have your keys, did you forget?¡± He says as he waves them between his fingers in front of my face. Give it back here, Yan! I say as I walk toward him. But he justughs as he lifts the keys even louder: ¡°If you don¡¯te with me now, you¡¯ll stay outside, because your friend is passed out inside.¡± I stand there with my arms crossed and stare at him. He looks at me and says: ¡°Are you noting?¡± I just say: ¡°No! Then I¡¯ll have to go to n b.¡± And I¡¯m sure it won¡¯t be good. Chapter 5 ¡°What n b?¡± He has a look full of second thoughts. Hees up to me and approaches me very slowly. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, making me a little airborne at his approach, and says: ¡°I¡¯m going to start singing loud until I wake up all your neighbors.¡± I just reply: ¡°You wouldn¡¯t do that.¡± He opens his eyes and arched his eyebrows with a smile on his face. ¡°Do you want to pay to see it?¡± Why is it that every word he says so close to me now is giving me this strange shiver and chill in my stomach? He still has that smile on his face as he waits for my answer. I take a deep breath. I can¡¯t let him do such a stupid thing, I would have to exin a lot if he started singing in this hallway at this hour. Thendlord has a reputation for being extremely annoying and I¡¯m not going to pay to see how Yan just questioned me. I finally give in even though I know I shouldn¡¯t do that. ¡°All right, I will.¡± He smiles contentedly, bites his lower lip, and finally turns away from me. I breathe a sigh of relief. He has a certain power over my body that I hate to admit to myself is true, wonder if I¡¯ll ever admit it to him. Not really. ording to Matt, Yan already had a lot of dates , so I¡¯m not going to give him any more reason to have this even more inted ego. ¡­ In the car I am still tense about how epting this idea will lead me. Yan on the other hand looks like a child about to go on the coolest toy in the park. I hate to admit that I like to see him like this. I even let a smile escape my lips, which I quickly disguise. ¡­ We arrive in front of a ce with a sign with a strong red light where it is written: ¡°Tatoo Mania¡± I look at him perplexed. He finds my reaction amusing. I say: ¡°No! I¡¯m not getting out of this car!¡± He just unbuckles himself from the seat belt as he says: ¡°Stop being childish, Sky!¡± And I like it when he says my name and looks at me like that. He gets out of the car and I get out and follow him as I say: ¡°I am not childish!¡± ¡°You really shouldn¡¯t be, you¡¯re already 21!¡± I do not react now. He knows he¡¯s won this one. He walks into the establishment and a guy with half his face tattooed greets him as if they were old friends. I just watch. Yan picks up some kind of album and as he flips through it he says: ¡°You like drawing, right?¡± I am still half unresponsive as I look around from where I am standing. He continues: ¡°Matt says you are a graphic designer.¡± He pretends to be looking at the drawings but looks at me out of the corner of his eye. I finally say: ¡°Yes, I am.¡± ¡°So you like drawing.¡± I shake my head affirmatively, but then realize what¡¯s going on and say: ¡°Oh no Yan! I¡¯m not getting a tattoo.¡± He looks at me and says: ¡°I know you¡¯re not. I¡¯m going to do it myself.¡± He hands me the album as he sits down in the chair where the guy with the tattooed face is waiting for him as if he already has an appointment and says: ¡°Choose one.¡± I stand still for a moment and he smiles winking an eye as he says:It¡¯s going to be my birthday present to you. I swear I¡¯m a little speechless right now. But he seems to be serious. I say: ¡°This is surely the most unusual present I¡¯ve ever gotten.¡± He looks pleased to hear it. I begin to find the idea interesting. I start to leaf through the album and stop at a picture of a joker. ¡°I like this one.¡± It¡¯ll look good on you. And as he extends his right arm, he says: ¡°So it¡¯s going to be it.¡± And I watch excitedly, as the tattoo artist marks the design on his skin. And I think:¡±A tattoo.¡±¡±A tattoo made for me.¡±¡±My tattoo. I know I shouldn¡¯t be so fascinated, but I am. ¡°And that doesn¡¯t hurt?¡±This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. I question, looking at him as the tattoo artist finishes the design on his arm. Yan replies: ¡®If it didn¡¯t hurt, what would be the fun?¡± He thenpletes when he sees my face as if he didn¡¯t understand this very well. ¡°When you dare to get a tattoo, you¡¯ll know what I¡¯m talking about.¡± I just answer: ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s going to happen. Matt doesn¡¯t like that very much.¡± Yan no longer has such a big smile on his face when I mention Matt. I cover it up too because I remind myself that this is going to be another secret I will have with Yan, and let¡¯s just say I already have a quota of secrets I share with him. I take a deep breath as I look at the clock. It is already 4:15 in the morning. Yan says goodbye to the tattooed guy on his face and we head for my house. Already facing my door, I stare at the tattoo there on his arm for a while, then say: ¡°What if you regret it someday?¡± He stares deeply into my eyes for a while, takes a deep breath, and then says: ¡°There¡¯s no way.¡± I swear there is a lot more between the lines of what he said than I can imagine, but I won¡¯t ask that now, I bet the alcohol he ingested earlier is still speaking for him. I just smile back and he bids me goodnight. I watch him walk down the hall and bite my lips as I realize that I enjoy his presence, I enjoy his presence very much. ¡­ My head hurts like hell! Katie tells me as she walks zombie-like to the table where I am eating breakfast. I say:__Fun night? She raises her eyes to me with a mischievous smile as she says: ¡°Sky, think of a hot man.¡± I just question: ¡°Huh?¡± She answers me as if it¡¯s obvious: ¡°Yan!¡± I don¡¯t like to hear that very much. She continues: ¡°I swear no man has ever picked me up like that, put me against a wall, and kissed me like that.¡± She sighs. My heart squeezes. I don¡¯t understand myself anymore. I stare at her as she sighs, thinks, and describes the various ways and ces Yan has grabbed her. I begin to hate to hear any more about it. I want to tell her that he may have kissed her all night, but he made a mark on her body dedicated to me, only me. But that sounds kind of possessive in my thoughts and I start to push it out of my head because it sounds like I¡¯m feeling jealous of Yan.¡±Not really!¡± I mentally repeat to myself several times. Sometimeter and I say that I have to go to Matt¡¯s house to exin to him what happened and why I disappeared from his bed during the early morning hours, well, tell him, but omit some things. Katie tells me that she wants to go too because she was on her cell phone with Yan earlier today and they made a date. I sigh deeply as I imagine them together again, but push those thoughts away once more. ¡­ We arrive at their apartment and Yan is in the living room watching TV. He sees us, looks at Katie, and then looks at me and smiles. I look at his arm which is no longer as red as it was at dawn and now I can see the joker more clearly, I feel a chill in my stomach remembering our wild adventure. Matt ising out of the room with his hair messed up adorably. He says smiling: ¡°Why did you abandon me at dawn?¡± We walk in and I walk over to him passing Yan who I can feel following me with his eyes, I turn to him and greet him with a hello that I barely hear him answer. Matt hugs me and gives me a lingering kiss. Katiees over to Yan who hugs her and asks if she is okay. They start talking aboutst night and I swear they seem to ignore our presence. As I exin to Matt why I left at dawn, I see out of the corner of my eye that Yan has moved even closer to Katie and begins to take her hand. I don¡¯t like how I feel. Chapter 6 Matt calls me toe to the kitchen that he is already having breakfast. I look back and don¡¯t like how it feels to see them so close together. I want to concentrate on what Matt is saying about a possible trip he has to take in the next few days, but I still have a little attention attached to that room where those two are. I hear Katie calling me, I walk into the room and see that Yan is no longer there. She just says: ¡°Me and Yan are going out.¡± I just say okay. She then walks over and says right next to my ear: ¡°Could I borrow the keys to your apartment?¡± And I realize what they are after as soon as she finishes asking me. She adds: ¡°I forgot mine in my purse. I promise we¡¯ll be back before you want to go home again.¡± She blinks at me, as she crosses her fingers in promise. I take a deep breath. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± She hugs me as if I had given her the world. Yanes out of his room and his eyes meet mine, but quickly he shifts them to Katie who smiles back as if that smile has meaning and¡­ Shit! I know what it means and I don¡¯t like it! He walks past me to her. He has an arm around her waist now, as she says goodbye and thanks me with a whisper.Material ? of N?velDrama.Org. Before they walk out the door, Yan takes a quick look at me and I realize something: Is he trying to make me jealous? He just bites his lower lip and I swear I can see a smile at the corner of his mouth. Damn it! Who does he think he is? What kind of fucking game is this? Why is this pissing me off so much? Is he getting what he wants? Making me jealous of him? Oh, shit! As much as it hurts deeply to admit it¡­ He is seeding! Matt watches TV in the living room, while I finish washing some sses that were in the kitchen sink. And I swear I hate to imagine that those two are now in my apartment doing God knows what. I think I know exactly what they are doing and it makes me squeeze the sponge in a not-so-friendly way between my fingers. I take a deep breath. I haven¡¯t been able to get along since this kid got here. One moment he is super cool and the next he seems to be ying a game that I don¡¯t know and don¡¯t understand the rules of. I only know one thing: For some reason, he wants me to die of jealousy of him. But that¡¯s not going to happen, and it¡¯s not going to get easy for him. ¡­ Katie and Yan arrive just after we finish lunch. They say they have already eaten somewhere and Yanughs. I roll my eyes, but don¡¯t let anyone notice. ¡­ In the afternoon we are in the living room watching TV. Yan and Katie are on the other couch, he is lying on herp and Matt is sitting next to me with his arm around my body. And I hate that I can¡¯t stop myself from peeking at Yan out of the corner of my eye. I know that this is just a silly attraction for my boyfriend¡¯s little brother. I know that I love Matt too much, but I can¡¯t help what I¡¯m feeling. As much as I don¡¯t want to use Matt for my n, I do, because in a way it will be fun for him too if you know what I mean. I walk over to Matt¡¯s ear and say softly: ¡°Don¡¯t you want to go to your room and do something more fun? He has a chuckle on his face I love it when he smiles like that because it brings out a dimple on the left side of his face. He turns to me and starts kissing me. I know that we are drawing attention to those two over there, but I don¡¯t care. I know that Yan is looking at us, especially when Katie says with augh: ¡°You better go to finish that in a room over there!¡± Matt lifts me in a hug and says to Katie: ¡°Good idea!¡± I look at Yan out of the corner of my eye. He¡¯s not looking at us, but he doesn¡¯t look like the happiest person in the world either, as he pretends to be very focused on something that¡¯s ying on TV. ¡­ After yesterday afternoon, Yan and I haven¡¯t spoken to each other since. It has been a few hours since I dropped Katie off at the airport to catch a flight back to her city. She and Yan said goodbye on their way, to his room. I asked Matt toe to my apartment after we left for dinner. I didn¡¯t want to have to hear what I didn¡¯t want to hear,ing from that room there. I don¡¯t know if they will continue with what they had here, from what Katie told me this was all more of an adventure. But I don¡¯t want to think about that. I just want for the moment, to forget that they did anything inside my apartment and stop frowning at every corner of this ce, as I imagine these scenes. ¡­ A few dayster¡­ I went ahead with my n to ignore Yan¡¯s presence and make myselffortable around Matt. I was afraid to even kiss Matt when he was around, thinking that he might be embarrassed, but now I don¡¯t care anymore. ¡­ Yan arrives in the afternoon after work with his hand around the waist of a blonde girl. He asks her toe in and introduces us: ¡°This is Cassie, my girlfriend!¡± I see Katie was just a fling anyway. ¡­ Well if I wasn¡¯t worried about kissing Matt in front of Yan, I guess he thinks so too about almost screwing his new girlfriend in front of us. But if Matt rolls his eyes when I look at him to see what he thinks, well, I won¡¯t give a shit either. Well¡­ I just wish I thought so. From the looks of it, Yan¡¯s dating is getting kind of serious, they¡¯ve been together for over two months now. Cassie is not the worst person in the world, but what she doesn¡¯t have in intelligence, well¡­ she has in breasts. ¡­ I forgot a folder that I use at work and I decide to go to Matt¡¯s apartment to get it because I called Matt and he said he saw her there. I know there is no one there because at this time Matt is at work and so is Yan. I go up the stairs because the elevator is taking too long and I am in a hurry. I take the keys from my purse and put them in the lock, I open the door and see a scene that I didn¡¯t expect. Yan and Cassie are on the couch in the living room. They are naked. I stand there static as I stare at this noisy, sweaty scene and when I realize what I am witnessing, Cassie looks in my direction and then pushes Yan who stares at her without understanding what is going on. He then looks at me, but my eyes don¡¯t stay on his for long, they go down and down some more and stop right there. I know my hands have already been all over that certain part of his body, but seeing him from another angle makes me realize that the size I tried to draw in my mind never did justice to reality. I raise my eyes back to his and he doesn¡¯t seem the least bit embarrassed to be caught like this. Cassie apologizes a thousand times as she wraps herself in a sheet. I put my hand to my eyes and say: ¡°It¡¯s okay Cassie. I apologize, I didn¡¯t know you would be here.¡± Yan finally takes a towel and wraps it around his body. Cassie says she goes to her room to get dressed. I go to the kitchen to get a ss of water. Secondster I turn around to find him still wearing only that towel. Chapter 7 I stare at him standing there in front of me. I clear my throat and say: ¡°Wouldn¡¯t it be better if you went and got dressed?¡± He looks at me for a moment, then says: ¡°Why ? There¡¯s nothing here you haven¡¯t seen before.¡± I take the ss to my mouth and take a long sip of water, because I know there¡¯s a lot of shiting out of it.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. He continues as he looks at me with an amused expression: ¡°I mean, you hadn¡¯t seen it yet, you just picked it up and ¡­¡± I hold my breath as he moves a little closer, looking at me with a mischievous grin, and continues: ¡°How did you get it?¡± And he rambles a bit more as he realizes that I don¡¯t have much color in my face: ¡°Usually women introduce themselves before they do that, and¡­¡± I interrupt him: ¡°Yan, stop it, please !¡± He looks at me surprised, but without losing his smile. I continue, but with a whisper: ¡°You promised you were going to let it go.¡± ¡°I said I would try.¡± I am about to say something more, but Cassie is leaving the room. I walk to the living room to meet her, Yan walks past me going over to her and giving her a quick kiss on the lips, and heading towards her room. She says: ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Sky!¡± I just smile back and tell her it¡¯s okay. ¡­ Matt tells me that he had a serious talk with those two. They are in the living room now, while I finish washing some sses that we had soda and pizza with earlier. Matt is looking at something on his cell phone sitting on the couch and the other is Yan and Cassie. We haven¡¯t spoken much since that incident. Yan looks in my direction and unluckily catches me looking at them. Somehow I know he¡¯s enjoying seeing me annoyed, I can¡¯t help it, but at the moment what¡¯s making me like this is the fact that she has her hand on his arm and she¡¯s stroking the part where ¡°my drawing¡± is. ¡­ ¡°A whole week, Matt?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be back on Sunday. It¡¯ll go by fast.¡± I whimper, and hees over to me, kisses me quickly on the cheek, and goes back to get more shirts, while I put the ones that were already on the bed into the suitcase. ¡­ Matt traveled to the other side of the state yesterday to take care of some business at thepany where he works. I confess that I miss him a lot already. I¡¯ve gotten used to leaving work and going straight to his apartment, even if it¡¯s not so funny anymore after Yan and Cassie practically have sex while kissing everywhere. ¡­ Matt asks me to go to his apartment to pick up some things for Yan. I decide to go at a time when he is not there. We haven¡¯t been the best of friends in the world these past few days. I leave work a little early and go to the supermarket. I put some juices in the refrigerator and also some bread in a ce where he can find it. But as soon as I look in the sink, there is a huge pile of sses there. I start to wash them. It is unavoidable. The door opens. Damn it! I should put this cleaning mania behind me. ¡°Sky?¡± I feel a chill in my stomach as he pronounces my name. I turn around to find a surprised Yan seeing me here. He looks different, but I don¡¯t know-how. I just say: ¡°Oh, hi! Matt asked me to bring some things.¡± He kind of rolls his eyes. I don¡¯t care, I know how he is. He then points his eyes to the sink and says: ¡°You don¡¯t have to do that.¡± I smile a little awkwardly and say: ¡°I guess you can tell I have a cleaning mania, can¡¯t you?¡± He smiles wryly. I turn to the sink and to rx, continue: ¡°And Cassie¡¯s not a big fan of washing sses.¡± I look at him to see his reaction, but he doesn¡¯tugh, he just says: ¡°We broke up yesterday.¡± I swear I didn¡¯t see that oneing. I look at him and ignoring my heart beating strangely inside my chest, I ask: ¡°Are you okay?¡± He just looks at me for a while, then says yes and turns to go to his room. I finish washing the sses, but my thoughts are behind that door there that I can¡¯t stop staring at. Should I go over there and ask if he is okay? I end up telling myself that I shouldn¡¯t do that and go home as soon as I¡¯m done. I wish. I want to get home and not be so euphoric about everything Yan told me earlier. Matt calls me right after I prepare dinner and I tell him, but he says that Yan will be fine. ¡­ It¡¯s Wednesday afternoon and as soon as I get off work, I decide to change my route home and now I¡¯m here in front of Matt¡¯s apartment door, I have to make sure that Yan is okay. After hesitating for a moment, I knock on the door and it opens. He seems surprised to see me here. I¡¯m not sure what I¡¯m doing here either, so still standing outside the door, I just say: ¡°Hi.¡± He quickly replies: ¡°Hi.¡± He looks better to me. I then say: ¡°I just came by to see how you were doing and if you wanted to talk.¡± He seems to like the idea and as he is about to answer, I hear a female voice from inside. Yan, did you run out of orange juice? And a blonde woman wearing a short hobby appears from inside the kitchen. He looks half-unpleasantly at the floor, then answers her: ¡°I think so.¡± She sees me andes over to him and asks suspiciously with a fake smile: ¡°Who is she?¡± ¡°My brother¡¯s girlfriend.¡± She says it¡¯s nice to meet me and I also say in the same ironic tone she used. She goes back inside and I just say to Yan: ¡°I think you¡¯re in very goodpany, I¡¯ll be right there.¡± I don¡¯t even look back to see his reaction. Dumb, dumb, dumb! I repeat mentally several times while I am in the cab back to my apartment. How could I have been so stupid as to think that he would be ill and alone? ¡­ Mattughs on the phone as he hears me telling him how Yan is reacting to his breakup with Cassie. ¡°He¡¯s just like that, Sky.¡± ¡°But I don¡¯t know Matt. He should at least¡­¡± But I don¡¯t even know what I think about all this. Heughs again. ¡­ As soon as I get back home after leaving after dinner to take a walk around the block, the doorman stops me and says: ¡°A boy was here to looking for you!¡± I look at him curiously and he continues: ¡°He said he is your boyfriend¡¯s brother.¡± I am really surprised, it wasn¡¯t that long ago that I left him there with that snobby blonde in their apartment. I thank Paul the condo doorman and move on. I try not to think about why Yan came all this way to look for me and try to get some sleep. ¡­ Today is Friday. I decide to forget what happened and go on with my life without thinking that Yan exists and did you know that it has been the best thing I have ever done since he moved here? ¡­ As soon as I leave work, a colleague texts me that she ising home tomorrow to pick up that folder I said I would lend her. As I finish answering Okay, I remember that this folder is in Matt¡¯s room. I have to go there and guess what? Yan is probably home from work by now. I whimper. ¡­ I walk up to the front door of the apartment. I have the keys here, but I decide to knock first. I won¡¯t run the risk of disturbing him again like I did that day. I knock on the door, which he promptly opens and greets me with a smile, and I hate to admit to myself that I missed that smile. So I just greet him dryly back and say: ¡°I need to get a folder from Matt¡¯s room.¡± He just keeps smiling in that sexy way, as he makes room for me to walk past him and into the room. He crosses his arms and looks at me. I stop a few steps ahead and question him: ¡°What?¡± He just raises his eyebrows, still smiling as if I am amusing him, and answers: ¡°Nothing.¡± I turn and walk towards Matt¡¯s room. I walk in and close the door and say to myself: ¡°Oh, he is so frustrating!¡± Chapter 8 I decide to look for my briefcase so I can get out of here as fast as possible. After a few seconds I find it, go towards the door, take a deep breath and repeat to myself: ¡°Come on Sky, just ignore that he is there and he will stare at you with that sexy smile¡± ! I whimper. I shouldn¡¯t be thinking or even saying these things. But I take another deep breath and leave. He¡¯s still there in the same ce I left him as if he¡¯s waiting for me to return. His arms are still crossed and he stares at me. What can I do? Maybe stare back? I don¡¯t know, but I end up opting for the second option that my thought proposed. He then asks: ¡°Why are you angry?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not angry!¡± ¡°Yes you are!¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m not!¡± I reply looking steadily into his eyes, I know it¡¯s clear in my tone of voice that I am angry, yes, but at least he doesn¡¯t insist on it. I prepare myself to ask permission to pass him at the door, but he says: ¡°What are you doing today?¡± I turn around in surprise at what he just asked. ¡°Huh?¡± He knows I heard him right, so he just waits for an answer. I say: ¡°I¡¯m going home.¡± ¡°Are you staying home on a Friday night?¡± I look at him as if it¡¯s obvious. Iplete: ¡°I usually go out with Matt on Fridays, so I think I¡¯ll go home and watch a movie and¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡°You can¡¯t do that.¡± I end upughing even though I don¡¯t want to do that, he sounds like me when I first met him. Then I say: ¡°Oh, okay, so what do you suggest?¡± He walks over and says: ¡°Maybe go out with me?¡± ¡­ Why the hell does this boy always convince me to do crazy things like this? It¡¯s five o¡¯clock in the afternoon and we¡¯re in Matt¡¯s car going to who knows where.This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. ¡­ Yan parks the car and as soon as we get out I realize that we are near a track where I see several skateboarders. He turns around and goes to the trunk and pulls out a skateboard. I stare at him and he says with augh: ¡°I bet you¡¯ve never been here!¡± Well, he knows how to surprise, I can¡¯t deny. He asks me to follow him to the ce where his friends are. I then decide to ask him: ¡°Wouldn¡¯t it have been better to bring Kara?¡± He looks at me at the same moment and says: ¡°Who?¡± I¡¯m not surprised that he doesn¡¯t even remember the name of the blonde stuck-up girl who was with him that afternoon. I decide to ignore all that and say: ¡°Nothing, forget it.¡± He doesn¡¯t insist on the subject and we move on until we meet up with Max and Kyle, whom I met at my birthday party, and one more girl. Yan quickly goes towards her giving her a long hug, while he spins her around in the air and kisses her cheek several times saying that he missed her. This makes me a little uneasy and makes me look down at my feet for a while. Then he introduces me to her: ¡°Shane, this is Sky.¡± She looks at me the same way I looked at her second before, greets me, and then looks at Yan and says: ¡°You didn¡¯t tell me you were dating a pretty girl.¡± Heughs upon hearing what she said and then speaks: ¡°She¡¯s not my girlfriend.¡± He looks at me and then looking a little unfunny now, says: ¡°She is Matt¡¯s girlfriend.¡± She looks relieved and I can swear she is in love with him. ¡­ They go to the skate park and I stand in a corner and watch. Yan is good at this. All of them. He even waves after a while to me and I just smile back. They are sofortable here while I am inwardly wondering what I am doing here. I think I want to go home. When I raise my eyes again, Yan ising towards me and he has such an amused smile that it makes you want to smile back. But I guess it¡¯s a littlete to hide how I feel. He asks: ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± ¡°What do you mean nothing? You don¡¯t seem to be enjoying yourself.¡± I try to convince him otherwise, but he is already pulling me by the arm and saying he is going to show me something. Why do I think it won¡¯t be something I usually do? I stand up, and he tells me: ¡°You go skateboarding.¡± I stop where I am and say: ¡°No, I¡¯m not going.¡± ¡°Why not? Have you seen my motor skills?¡± Heughs and says: ¡°No.¡± I cross my arms and say: ¡°Then I think I¡¯d better stay here where I was.¡± He faces the skateboard on the ground and says: ¡°Nah, Sky. I¡¯ll help you.¡± I got you. I confess that I like to hear that. And it pisses me off. Hees up to me and holds my hand, and after he does, I realize that we don¡¯t touch like this very often. And it¡¯s so nice that when he lets go of me to get my reaction, I¡¯m still looking at my hand where he held it. I clear my throat to disguise it and say: ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± He smiles satisfied. As I approach, he makes me stand in front of him, but crosses his arms and looks me up and down with his eyebrows drawn together as if he doesn¡¯t like what he sees. But he has such a funny face while doing this, it makes me questionughing: ¡°What?¡± He puts a hand to his lips and looks thoughtful. Then he says: ¡°This outfit is not ideal.¡± I think it¡¯s funny what he says. But of course it¡¯s not ideal. I was at work, I¡¯m wearing skinny jeans, sneakers, and a white linen shirt. That¡¯s why I¡¯m feeling so weird here, especially when I¡¯m around Shane and her ck clothes, her hair with purple tips and that bunch of bracelets on her arms. Almost everyone here is dressed like that, except me. So I throw off my sneakers and kick them off my feet into a corner. Yanughs and seems to approve. I continue, crouch down and pull my pants down to my heels, stand up and start to unbutton my shirt. I see him blink several times as he watches me do this. I end upughing. When I finish he sees that I am wearing a ck tank top and I stand in front of him and he still looks at me and says: ¡°Go ahead, go ahead!¡± I look at him and say: ¡°Stop being so idiot Yan.¡± Heughs as I approach and he holds my arm as I try to put my foot on the skateboard. When he holds my waist so I can put my other foot on it, I can tell right away that this was not a good idea. Wow! When you said you had no motor skills, I was a little doubtful. I end upughing as I am practically tearing Yan¡¯s arm off, while he is trying to get me to move from where I got on the skateboard. At least we are the fun here. Kyle isughing his ass off as he says that I am a natural. Shane is not finding this all that funny. I decide to ignore them and a few minutester I¡¯m doing well on Yan and with one foot on the ground, I take a few steps. They are right, from the outside this must be really fun. After a while Yan says: ¡°If you really want to feel the adrenaline, do this, put your two feet on the skateboard.¡± ¡°But I¡¯m going to fall¡­¡± ¡± You won¡¯t, trust me.¡± So I do, I get on the skateboard and feel him put his foot right on and as he makes us gain speed, he holds my waist and I grab his hands. ¡°It¡¯s fun!¡± He says: ¡°Didn¡¯t I tell you?¡± But even the fact that I¡¯m doing something so far away from my reality doesn¡¯t make me forget that he is very close to me, to my body. And the warmth his hands are sending me makes me close my eyes for a second and start breathing differently. And that¡¯s when I realize that maybe it¡¯s not only me who is like this. I literally feel it close to my back. This closeness is exciting and on his body it is very obvious. I just wish I didn¡¯t find the fact that it makes him feel like that is so satisfying to me. He then stops the skateboard and I¡¯m not sure if he knows that I noticed what happened, but he looks a little embarrassed and says: ¡°Well, that¡¯s it.¡± I just smile. He says he¡¯ll be right back and I don¡¯t question it. He then meets up with Shane just ahead, says something in her ear who looks in my direction and then disguises herself. She hugs him and they walk out of my field of vision and I catch myself hating what I just saw. Chapter 9 After a while theye back from wherever they have been. ¡­ The weather is closing in and I think a storm ising. Yan and I walk to the car without saying many words, and I don¡¯t understand why he is acting so strange and I also have no idea why I am so angry. We are in the car and I realize that I won¡¯t be able to go straight home and get away from him, because my briefcase is still in their apartment. The problem is that looking at him is making me more irritated by the minute and I have no idea why. I exin to him that I still have to go back to their apartment and it doesn¡¯t seem that having made it almost halfway to my ce has made him angry, on the contrary he seems satisfied to hear me say it. ¡­ We arrive at the apartment, and as soon as we get out of the car it seems to be the time when the rain has intensified the most in thest few minutes. Result, I am almost soaked when we finally reach a covered part. Yan apologizes for not finding a parking space in a better spot and I tell him it¡¯s okay. I ask him to wait for me and I¡¯ll be right back. ¡­ I find my briefcase where I left it earlier and lock the door. I find Yan with the car radio on, he looks at me and says: ¡°There was an ident on the avenue that is on the way to your house, there is a long traffic jam, we could be stuck in traffic for hours.¡± I look at him and take a deep breath as I hear more details of the ident on the radio. Damn, he¡¯s right. If we go now we are going to be stuck there for hours. He looks at me waiting for my answer. I just take a deep breath and say: ¡°What do you suggest?¡± He seems surprised to hear me, but after a while he says: ¡°Do you want to sleep with me?¡± I swear I expected anything in the world except that. I hold my breath for a few seconds and Yan still looks at me and thenughs saying: ¡°Not literally! I mean, why don¡¯t you sleep in our apartment, or Matt¡¯s room, or wherever you want.¡± I just look at him and say: ¡°You idiot.¡± Heughs and says: ¡°Is that a yes?¡± ¡± Do I have a choice?¡± I¡¯m soaking wet and standing in traffic for hours just because I don¡¯t think I can keep my hormones quiet when I¡¯m around him wouldn¡¯t be the smartest thing in the world to do. I can do this. Spend a night with him and not do anything stupid. I can do it. He walks in front of me and pushes the elevator button. I can do it.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! As he raises his arm to push the button, his shirtes up, showing a part of his abdomen. I can do this. Not only his abdomen, but part of his boxer shorts are also showing. I don¡¯t think I can do that. I whimper. He questions and I say that it¡¯s because of the cold. ¡­ As soon as we enter the apartment, Yan turns on the TV and they are talking about the ident. He is on a couch, and I am on the one next to it. He watches the TV, and I well, I find it more interesting to look at the way he is sitting on the couch with one arm on the backrest, revealing that part I saw in the elevator again. I have no idea why leaving him like that at that time on his skateboard made me feel like I wanted to leave him like that again. Damn it Sky! What is this shit you are feeling right now? He¡¯s already worked it out with that girl that time, hasn¡¯t he? And I catch myself thinking about it, but then I think again that it was me who left him like that the first time we met. And I remember how soft and¡­ ¡°Hot!¡± Yan looks in my direction and asks: ¡°What is hot?¡± I swear I don¡¯t have any color on my face, but it¡¯s alreadying back with everything and turning me red. ¡°A hot bath! I need a nice hot bath.¡± He still looks at me suspiciously, and I continue: ¡°Why? I can¡¯t?¡± He puts his hands up and says: ¡°Of course.¡± He stares at me as I walk away from him. I am hating myself now as I walk towards Matt¡¯s room. What is this attitude I have now? ¡­ I go back into the living room and say what I just confirmed minutes ago: ¡°There is no hot water in the shower in Matt¡¯s room.¡± Yan says: ¡°Yeah, I think he talked about it.¡± ¡°Can I take a shower in your room?¡± ¡°Of course, Sky.¡± Walking towards his room, I feel silly right now for acting like an idiot with him, but I can¡¯t act any other way. ¡­ I go back to Matt¡¯s room as soon as I finish my shower. I find a ck dress that I forgot around here a while ago, back then I was thinner and now when I put it on I feel like it¡¯s shorter than it used to be, but I don¡¯t have any other clothes here except my short pajamas that I swear I won¡¯t put on for anything in this world right now. It will be the dress anyway. I go back to the living room and Yan is now watching some movie on TV, I sit down and after a while I catch him looking at me, but he doesn¡¯t disguise it when I look back, he seems curious. I then ask: ¡°What?¡± He just answers defensively: ¡°Nothing.¡± But he looks at me again and again and I get annoyed with that and get up and go to the kitchen. I fill a ss with water and take a long sip, put the ss back in the sink and as I¡¯m leaving, Yan is standing near the door. He asks: ¡°Why are you angry?¡± ¡± I¡¯m not angry!¡± ¡± Whenever you are angry, you say in that tone that you are not angry!¡± It¡¯s kind of confusing what he said, but I get it. He still looks me in the eye the same way I¡¯m doing. I turn to leave and not to face him anymore, but he grabs my arm and takes me by surprise, making me lean against the wall behind me. He walks over and says very close to my face: ¡°I¡¯m so tired of this, Sky.¡± Chapter 10 I have a question: ¡°Tired of what?¡± ¡°To pretend that I don¡¯t give a damn what you do, say or wear.¡± He looks at my dress for a while, closes his eyes for a moment, then looks at me in the eye again and continues: ¡°I can¡¯t stop thinking about you.¡± This is not easy to hear, and it seems even harder for him to admit it. Ever since that morning I identally walked into my room and got into that bed with me. I swallow hard and try to push the thoughts out of my mind. He continues: ¡°Do you have any idea what it¡¯s like for me to hear you in the next room, to see you walk past me in those clothes, but to know that the only one who will take them off you is my brother? And I hate myself every time I really want to be in his shoes.¡± I hold my breath for a moment. He brings a hand to his forehead and leaves it there for a while, while closing his eyes. He is frustrated with himself and I can¡¯t get an idea of how he feels. He then turns his gaze back to me as he says: ¡°I¡¯ve looked, but I¡¯ve looked hard, for a girl who could finish what you started this morning. But none of them came close to what you did for me.¡± That pisses me off in a way I don¡¯t understand, so I ask: ¡°Not even that bunch of blondes?¡± Heughs very hard. ¡°Do you know why I always bring some blond woman who is not very smart, or when she is smart, she is always arrogant?¡± I still look irritated at him, who continues: ¡°Because they don¡¯t look like you, so I don¡¯t run the risk of imagining that I¡¯m with you instead of anyone else.¡± Now I¡¯m speechless after hearing that. He looks down for a moment, then says: ¡°Do you know how hard it is to pretend Im okay all the time when you¡¯re around?¡± Wow, I swear I didn¡¯t expect to hear that.This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. He looks down at his pants and I can reason by myself that at the moment he is like this. I just don¡¯t have much of a reaction at the moment, it¡¯s too much to digest. He looks back at me with a still frustrated look in his eyes, then says: ¡°You don¡¯t know what you¡¯re doing to me.¡± I still look at him, because I know this is hard to admit, as it would be hard for me to admit that he has the same power over my body. At the moment I am on fire inside, but I am too surprised that I am not the only one feeling something here. He says: ¡°I think you should. You saw how I felt while just standing next to you at the skate park, didn¡¯t you?¡± Damn! He knows I noticed. But I don¡¯t really care about that, because I remember something else: ¡°But you fixed it pretty fast with the help of your little friend Shane!¡± He looks surprised at me. ¡°What?¡± I don¡¯t answer back, I just stare back as I feel all that angering back. Heughed at what I said. But I¡¯m still not serious. He then says: ¡°Where did you get that from? I mean, she didn¡¯t do anything to me, gee, I can¡¯t even imagine that. And well, if someone else did, I wouldn¡¯t.¡± He now has a smile on his face and continues: ¡°Wait. Are you jealous of Shane?¡± Hearing someone say something I haven¡¯t even been able to admit to myself is really frustrating, so I don¡¯t say anything, I just feel myself turning red again. He continues one more time: ¡°How did I not realize this before?¡± I have a question: ¡°Did you realize what?¡± ¡°That you¡¯re not indifferent to how I feel, you¡¯re jealous of me too.¡± I take a deep breath because it¡¯s getting hard to hear these thingsing from him, arrogant jerk discovering this silly crush I feel for him and. He interrupts my thoughts when he says: ¡°You¡¯re crazy about me!¡± I just feel my anger rose considerably and the next thing I know my hand has just hit his face. He looked at me static and surprised, but not angry. I just said: ¡°F*ck you, Yan!¡± I walk out toward Matt¡¯s room, mming the door behind me. He pushed me against the wall next to the door and I swear I didn¡¯t expect that. My breathing isbored, not so much by surprise as by the closeness in which we find ourselves. He looks at my mouth as he bites his lower lip and I swear it¡¯s getting hard to control this, and only I know how much I want him now. He then moves even closer and I can smell the sweet scenting from his mouth, I close my eyes or I¡¯m going to make a fool of myself. But if I was trying to control myself, closing my eyes and still feeling his breath so close to my face was not the best way in the world to do it. My mind is then bombarded with thoughts about MarriageAnd I think: ¡°Oh my God, what am I doing?¡± ¡°That is wrong!¡± ¡°What the f¡±ck am I doing here?¡± I open my eyes and without looking at his face, I put my hands on his shoulders and slowly pull him away saying: ¡°I can¡¯t do this.¡± He doesn¡¯t pull away from me, he just puts his forehead against me and we stay like that for a while just breathing heavily and I didn¡¯t want to like being close like that so much, but I do and I like it a lot. He then pulls away a little bit, looks at me in the eye and says: ¡°I know what you¡¯re feeling, because I am too and all this sucks anyway.¡± I take a deep breath, I¡¯m so confused that I try not to look at him and he continues: ¡°But I also know that if you¡¯re attracted to me that way I¡¯m attracted to you, it won¡¯t go away.¡± He holds my chin, making me look at him and continues: ¡°So why don¡¯t we get rid of it once and for all?¡± He takes another deep breath andpletes: ¡°Will you stay with me tonight?¡± I look back into his eyes half confused, really trying to convince myself that I really heard what he said. He continues as he sees my belief: ¡°It will only be once, let¡¯s never do it again.¡± Iughed. He has to be kidding. That¡¯s right. A joke. I still have that incredulous smile on my face, but he doesn¡¯tugh back, he seems sure of what he said. He¡¯s still waiting for my reply. I finally found my line and said: ¡°I¡¯m not going to do that!¡± He then moves closer to my ear as his hand finds my thigh and he slowly moves up my skin taking my dress with him and I close my eyes and his hand moves slowly up my thigh and I try to cover it up to no. He says very closely to my ear: ¡°So tell me another way to get rid of this?¡± He stops his hand, but doesn¡¯t take it away from my body, moves away and looks me in the eyes again, now he¡¯s the one with the smile on his face. I can¡¯t believe it, but I think I¡¯m considering epting his proposal. This could work I guess, but I have not been acting for a reason since the time I decided to go with him to the skateboard track. He says: ¡± Don¡¯t think a lot about it, just act.¡± Chapter 11 He understands my indecision. I know he¡¯s not thinking with his head up, but it wouldn¡¯t be bad to stop being all ted when he¡¯s around. He then says: ¡°It doesn¡¯t have to be anything romantic, I¡¯m not asking for that, and it won¡¯t be like that, I assure you. Just something physical, we won¡¯t even remember it afterwards.¡± I bite my lips and somehow he takes that as a yes, because his lips are moving closer to my neck, and he is leaving long kisses that are giving me goose bumps and I close my eyes while his hands are moving up my body and his mouth is moving down my neck. He has somehow climbed my dress as I lose myself in the warm wet kisses he leaves on my neck. He moves as far away from me as possible, making me look into his eyes, his desire evident and his naughty smile still there. Furthermore, he lifts my dress and as he does so, I realize again that this is not¡­ ¡°Hum mm¡­¡± I let out another moan as he gets rid of my dress with one hand while the other grabs my breast, and he starts kissing me there. __You don¡¯t know how much I¡¯ve wanted you to moan like that for me. It¡¯s hard to think while he¡¯s saying these things. But I can still try. And he moves his mouth down my body, leaving lingering kisses. You¡¯re beautiful, Sky. He is on his knees as he kisses me. He leaves lingering kisses on my waist as he squeezes me hard. Hot. I hold his hair and say: ¡°Yan.. no¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡°So Sexy. ¡­¡± Any drop of sanity is fading from my thoughts. ¡°I want you so bad¡­ Just let me have you¡­ Just today¡­.¡± He stands up and presses me once more against the wall, and I love it when I feel how hard he is. In the bedroom there isn¡¯t much light, I think he was already getting ready for bed, and there is only onemp on in the corner of the bed and that light just makes it harder to contain before I regret it. So, I try to do as he said, not think, just act and let myself go. That will solve this ¡°problem¡± for both of us, and everything will be fine after that. But the intense and slow way he holds my waist while biting his lips, and looking at me is slowly marking me, and then I realize that it won¡¯t be easy to forget this the way I nned it minutes ago. He then starts to press me against the wall, and slowly moves, back and forth, making me feel his body, and erection getting closer and closer to me, and this is making my breathing heavy like his. This has to be some kind of torture. Does he want me to beg for it? He is still fully dressed, while I am only in my panties and bra. He puts his hand under my bra, and when he finds my breast he squeezes gently. I moan again. Okay, that¡¯s enough. I can only say it almost in a whisper, in between pausing to breathe: ¡°Bed.¡± He smiles to hear me say this, and we go towards his bed, where he makes me lie down,es towards me, and continues kissing my body. I am almost naked, and he is still in all his clothes. I say: ¡°Let me take your clothes off?¡± Heughs next to my mouth, my favorite sexy smile. I know I sound desperate, and that¡¯s why heughs, but I don¡¯t care. Then he steps back and stands on one knee, I stand up without ever taking my eyes off his, which are fixed on mine. I hold the hem of his shirt and slowly pull it off, he raises his arms and secondster it is off his body. I hold my breath for a while because him shirtless like this, inches away from me, is even better than I imagined. Furthermore, I look at his tattoos and focus on one in particr. He follows me with his eyes the whole time. I move even closer and ce my right hand on his abdomen, I want so badly to kiss his entire body, so I start kissing long and hard there, while slowly moving up his body. His breathing bes heavy, and I look up into his face, his eyes are closed and as soon as I stop, he opens them and looks at me. He has a desire in the way he looks at me that immediately makes me need him to kiss me again. If this is only going to happen once, then it will have to be the way my mind has drawn several times. I pull him closer to me, and then turn around so that he is lying on the bed now. He doesn¡¯tin, but he looks surprised and amused at the same time. If I was supposed to let go of thought and guilt and just obey my body, I feel like I¡¯m losing control of mine, because I want to do so many things with his. I stare at him for a few seconds, all this anxiety to feel him is making me so needy of him that it hurts in the middle of my legs. I ce my hand on his chest, bring it down slowly and feel him hold his breath once again, when I stop at the waistband of his pants. Like wise, I open the button and unzip, then slide it off his body and throw it in some corner of the room. Well, now we are even in the amount of clothing, I would say.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. I walk over to him again and put my hand through his boxer shorts. I slowly, move my hand down inside as I say: ¡°You asked me to finish what I started that day¡­.¡± He takes a deep breath and bites his lips as I finally find, just in time, what I was looking for. I start a slight motion with my hands as I say: ¡°And well, I guess that¡¯s how it was¡­.¡± He closes his eyes, as I look back at him who says with a shy smile: ¡°I don¡¯t think we¡¯ll get very far if you keep this up.¡± I raise my hands in the air and he stands up and walks over to me, still smiling, holding the back of my neck with one hand and kissing my neck again. And I lose myself in his mouth again and the wonderful feeling of having his erection against my body. I lose myself in thought again and try to imagine what it would be like if we were kissing on the mouth. But I guess this is his way of making sure that this is only physical. As he kisses me, I feel his hands on my back and he says: ¡°I need you not to wear this!¡± He takes off my bra, as he holds my breast with his hand squeezing it just the right way I get lost in that feeling. And now having more of my skin in contact with his body, I feel even more needy of him and say: ¡°And I need you not to be with this!¡± I pull his boxer down as far as I can and feel him hard in my belly. I don¡¯t know how he gets rid of his boxer as fast as he can and I make him lie down once more. Not only, I mount on top of him and move slowly, biting back a smile. But I¡¯m still in my panties, so he can ¡°suffer¡± a little too. He holds my waist and squeezes me tightly, saying with a smile and closing his eyes: ¡°I¡¯m lost!¡± This makes me want tough. He reaches down and pulls my panties to the side, revealing enough of my panties with them still on my body and while I¡¯m still moving on him, he looks at me like I¡¯m the sexiest woman in the world and that¡¯s enough for me not to take it anymore. I move closer to his face and while with one hand I support myself on one side, with the other I cause him to be inside me. Chapter 12 I slowly lower myself down, as we fit together, I slowly move up and down a few times. He has his eyes closed and his mouth ajar, and knowing that I can leave him like this is the limit for me. I stand up again, he holds my waist even tighter and moves his hands down my buttocks, he squeezes there making me let out a few louder moans, I can¡¯t control myself anymore. I move faster and feel him squeeze me even harder and I look at him and he says: ¡°Please don¡¯t do this¡­¡± I question: ¡°This what?¡± ¡°I¡¯m falling in love with you.¡± I swear I didn¡¯t expect to hear that. He stands up,ing right up to me, and we are panting in rhythm with each other. He then turns me over, making me lie on the bed and when hees back, he goes deep slowly a few times and then speeds up his movements. Making us climax almost at the same time. He then stands over me, as our breaths slowly return to normal. My nails are digging into his back and I slowly ease my touch. He lowers his body to the side and we stare up at the ceiling. He runs his hand over his eyes. I mentally ask myself: ¡°How will I ever be able to forget this?¡± I¡¯m still staring at the ceiling when Yan pulls out a sheet to cover us. I hold the sheet tightly, covering myself, as if it doesn¡¯t feel good to have my skin exposed. But I really don¡¯t know how I feel. There are so many things I prefer not to think about it now, so I choose not to think about anything. I feel Yan turn to me as I stare at the ceiling. He stares at me for a while, then I feel his finger slide slowly across the skin of my left arm. I grip even tighter against my body, the sheet I¡¯m holding to cover me all the way down to my breasts. Secondster, I turn to him only to find that he has fallen asleep. I look at him for a while, his hair is messy and somehow that makes him look adorable, then I lower my eyes to his hand that is under my arm. Furthermore, I slowly pull away and ce his hand slowly next to my arm. I get out of bed making as little noise as possible, but I guess that¡¯s irrelevant, considering that he seems to be sleeping. I look around the room for my clothes and turn the doorknob slowly. Not only that, but I open the door to Matt¡¯s room. I put my clothes on the bed and go straight to the shower. The hot water pours over my body, it¡¯s as if I need to wash something off me, but I¡¯m not sure what it is. I take my robe, dry myself off and go to bed. I put on my pajamas and sit on the bed and start to cry. Likewise, I wipe the tears away, but others follow. I am sobbing and I can¡¯t decipher why I feel this way. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s because of what I just did, or if it¡¯s because of Matt, or if it¡¯s because I liked what I did, or maybe if it¡¯s because I left Yan without saying anything¡­. ¡­ I wake up and look at the clock, it¡¯s seven in the morning. I grab my clothes that are no longer soaked from yesterday¡¯s rain and get dressed. I walk past his room and by the silence in the apartment I know he is probably still sleeping. I grab my cell phone and call a cab. It¡¯s strange that I still can¡¯t think very well about what happened. After crying yesterday, I woke up today feeling strangely better. Maybe Yan really is right and everything will be normal now. I choose to think like this. ¡­ Furthermore, I get home and decide to put some books on the bookshelf, then start folding some clothes that were on the clothesline. I also pick out some other clothes to wash. I just want to keep my mind busy and it works because as soon as I finish I see that it is already noon. I am hungry, but at the same timezy to cook. I decide to take a walk to the mall and get something to eat there. ¡­ After looking at some shop windows without much interest, I go to the food court and order a sandwich and fries. I hear someone say my name while I¡¯m putting the sauce on the fries: ¡°Isn¡¯t that Sky?¡± I raise my eyes instinctively at hearing my name and I run into Kyle, a girl with the ends of her hair dyed red and¡­ Yan. I hold my breath for a moment. It really wasn¡¯t in my ns to meet him today. My eyes catch his. He looks a little ufortable and if I didn¡¯t know him well, I would say he even looks a little shy. Theye over to me. Kyle greets me and I give my best smile back. The girl also says hello and finally Yan approaches and says hello, I smile back. His colleagues are holding the menu in their hands. Kyle has the girl with the red hair on hisp, and they¡¯re saying something about ordering for everyone at the skate park. But Yan is still standing in front of me. He has one hand in the pocket of his ck jeans and the other hand is running through his hair, while he answers that this might be something Kyle asked. He looks at me once more and a girl with long ck haires in smiling and entwines her arm in his arm. He smiles at her, and she walks toward Kyle and the girl. She doesn¡¯t even notice my presence. That¡¯s better. I go back to my potatoes. I decide not to raise my eyes anymore. But then I feel someone sitting next to me on the small couch that goes around the table. He sits very close to me, the smell of his perfume denounces his arrival even before it happens. I take a deep breath and look at him to show him that it¡¯s okay, that nothing will happen if we get close again, that I feel okay about what happened, that it¡¯s not just him who can handle it. But as soon as I look into his face so close to mine, I feel that trying to prove this to him was a bad idea.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. Chapter 13 He is not smiling as usual. He¡¯s just staring back at me. Likewise, Hees up close to my face and says: ¡°Can I?¡± Then he raises his hand to his fries, and I am in disbelief at how he can act like that again so quickly. I go along with him and say getting close to his face: ¡°Of course.¡± He looks surprised at my reaction, but says nothing. I take my sandwich and ignore the fact that he is standing right next to me. His colleagues finish their order and tell him they¡¯ll get it soon, so they can go back to the dance floor. Yan nods yes, and they leave, but the ck-haired girles to his side, says something in his ear and pulls his hand away, so he can go with her. I continue with my sandwich. He gets up, but before he gets some chips, he makes me look at him, who also looks back at me and says: See you. I smile back. But inside, I don¡¯t feel good. A few minutester I see everyone leaving and Kyle waves to me and I wave back. A few minutester I see the girl with the ck hair leaning Yan against a window, and they kiss as if they were in a closed room and not in a crowded mall. The food sticks in my throat for a while, I don¡¯t think I¡¯m hungry anymore. I take a deep breath. Why am I so angry? What we did was consensual, and we agreed that it was for our goodness¡¯ sake and that it would never happen again. Then why do I have this feeling that something is still missing? Why do I still not like seeing him like this with another girl? I say to myself: ¡°Damn it, Sky!¡± On the way home, I realize something, this is precisely how it was supposed to be. Everything that happened yesterday was so that we would never have to feel anything again. So Yan is acting right, and I¡¯m the one questioning myself about something I shouldn¡¯t even care about, which is him acting and being the way he is. He¡¯s right, and I¡¯m going to act like him, as if I don¡¯t care what happened or what will happen. After all, nothing will ever happen again. I raise my eyes, take a deep breath, this bullshit about falling for that guy is over, it endedst night. I don¡¯t have to worry about it anymore. ¡­ ¡°Matt!¡± As soon as he opens the door, I run to meet him and give him a strong, tight hug, then a kiss. He says: ¡°Wow!¡± I missed you so much, Matt. He smiles. I am so happy to have him back here. ¡­ ¡°What about Yan?¡± His question takes me surprised as I grab a juice from the fridge for him. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°I just got home from a trip and came straight here.¡± ¡°Oh, he¡¯s fine. I saw him earlier today.¡± He likes to hear that and then says: ¡°Do you want to go home with me now? It¡¯s almost time to make something for dinner.¡± I prefer not to have to go to Matt¡¯s apartment now and find Yan there, probably with that girl. ¡°No, I¡¯d like to go to that restaurant we always go to, if you¡¯re not tired.¡± He looks at me and smiles. ¡°I¡¯m just going home to take a shower ande by to pick you up.¡± He takes his juice, gives me a quick kiss and walks out the door. I really want to decipher what I¡¯m feeling now because I don¡¯t know if I like feeling this way. ¡°Shhh¡­¡± I put my hand over his mouth, so that Matt stopsughing as loudly as I do. I end upughing even harder. Matt puts me against the wall again before we go into his apartment. I only agreed toe to his apartment so that we could finish what we started from the time we got into his car, before we go to the restaurant because I know that Yan won¡¯t be home at this time of night on a Sunday. I think the wine I drank is also helping that we almost had sex anywhere in the city. He opens the door and turns to kiss me again. He pulls up my skirt and squeezes my buttocks as he kisses me and says: ¡°I missed that ass.¡± I end upughing and hear someone cough. Matt walks away as we look over at Yan who is sitting on the couch watching TV. He is actually looking at us, not at the TV, as we look back. Matt lets go of me and goes to close the door. I don¡¯t even look in Yan¡¯s direction again. Matt says: ¡± I thought you had left.¡± Matt looks at me with a smile on his face. I go toward the kitchen to get a ss of water. I go back into the living room and sit down next to Matt. Likewise, I don¡¯t know why we are here if we really want to go to his room. Matt has one of his hands on my leg, and I don¡¯t know if for a second I caught Yan looking at his hand resting there. Matt finally gets us out of this awkward situation by whispering: ¡°Shall we go to my room?¡± He turns to Yan and says that he is tired from the trip and is already going to sleep. I just smile at Yan. I know he will be fine, just like he was earlier today. Furthermore, I just wonder what he is doing here at this hour. Where is the girl with the long hair? Oh, that¡¯s really not my problem. The concern is that as soon as we get up he also gets up, turns off the TV and says that he is also going to sleep. When Matt goes ahead and pulls my hand, Yan and I stay behind and as soon as he opens the door to his room, which is just before Matt¡¯s room, he looks me in the eyes in a way that is so sad, it makes me so confused again. Matt closes the door, and we begin to kiss in the same way we were kissing before Yan interrupted. And I can¡¯t believe that I¡¯m thinking of him instantly like this, but I guess I am. As Matt¡¯s mouth trails down my neck and back again to my mouth, I remember the sad look on Yan¡¯s face as he entered his room seconds ago. Damn it! He didn¡¯t have that look on his face when I found him at the mall with that girl. And it was precisely because of his attitude of pretending so well that nothing happened as we had agreed, that I decided not to think about anything anymore and to go on with my life with Matt. But now he gives me this look when I¡¯m doing what he really wanted to do, which is to let our lives move on. Okay, focus. You are with Matt now, Sky. Beautiful wonderful and the best boyfriend in the world, who kisses me as he is carrying me to bed, takes off my shirt andes to my mouth again. The problem is that while he is kissing me, I find myself thinking again what it would be like if Yan had kissed me the way Matt is kissing me now. ¡°Shit.¡± Matt stops kissing me and stands up, looking at me confused. ¡°What is it, Sky?¡± I stare at him, totally surprised as he is. It wasn¡¯t supposed toe out that loud. Now I have to give an exnation. I¡¯ll risk one: ¡°t¡¯s just that¡­ if you keep kissing me like this and with these hands, all over my body, it¡¯s going to be hard for this here to be silent.¡± He knows what I mean. And I really am telling the truth. Heughs and bites his lips: ¡°I don¡¯t want you to be silent.¡± I end upughing as hees back to my mouth. I say as he kisses me: ¡°But, we are not alone and¡­.¡± He interrupts me: ¡°Forget that my brother is here, Okay?¡± I close my eyes and lose myself in his lips that are moving down my body. I just wish I didn¡¯t think they had a simr way of making a woman totally horny in bed.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! Chapter 14 I wake up early and go to college. In between sses, I get lost in reading a giant book that the professor suggested we read for a testter this week. It¡¯s good to keep my mind upied and not to remember thatst night despite the wonderful time with Matt I did my best not to make so much noise because Yan would know what we were doing. Yan? This name in my thoughts again? I take a deep breath and go back to my reading, I promised myself that I don¡¯t want to think about him or what we did on Saturday night. ¡­ I arrive at work at 1:30 in the afternoon. It¡¯s good to keep my mind busy, so I don¡¯t think silly thoughts. It seems to be the only thing that works. The problem is that here today everything is so monotonous and Kevin, one of the directors of thepany where I work, decided to have one of his boring meetings in which we travel through the universe while he discusses the graphs presented in the slides. I try to pay as much attention as possible and empty my mind of nonsense by focusing on the graphics. ¡­ I get home and Matt calls me. We won¡¯t see each other today because he has work to do at home. And I find myself thinking that I¡¯d better not have to go over there, so as not to run into Yan. I don¡¯t like the way I¡¯m feeling. ¡­. I watch a little TV while I¡¯m already under the nket. I watch at the TV, but my mind is totally off, whatever the name of the movie is. Furthermore, I turn off the TV and decide to go to sleep. The problem is that I don¡¯t quite do that. My mind is empty again, and there is only one ce it wants to go: that night with Yan. ¡°I fall in love with you.¡± This sentence keeps repeating itself in my mind. I¡¯ve tried so hard not to think about what happened that I¡¯ve done it until now. I hadn¡¯t stopped to think about everything that had happened since that moment when Yan asked me to have sex with him. But now everything we¡¯ve done, and the things he said, are going through my head without me being able to control it. Why would he say such a thing if he told me that it was only something physical and that it would never happen again? Why did he then go after a girl to show me that he had already forgotten what happened between us? Why did he get that way when he saw me with Matt? And most importantly, why did I feel like I was cheating on him when I went into the bedroom with Matt? Shit, shit, shit! I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m even thinking this. And I also can¡¯t believe that I really wanted to be in that girl¡¯s ce just to know what his kiss tastes like. I close my eyes tightly to try to forget it all, but all I can remember is where his hands were that night, how his mouth was kissing me and marking me, the things he said to me¡­ How could something so wrong feel so right while we were in that bed together? And why do I feel this strange chilled in the middle of my stomach every time I remember his mouth on my body? I don¡¯t want there to be an answer to this. I can¡¯t be loving him, I love Matt, always have and always will. Likewise, I can¡¯t think about Yan because there¡¯s nothing I can do about it because we¡¯ve made sure it was a one-time thing and nothing more. Not only that, but I just have to get over it all. A few dayster. I am finishing washing some sses in the kitchen sink, while Matt is getting dressed in his room after his shower. Strange as it may seem, Yan and I keep up the casual conversation in the same way we always have. I can¡¯t deny that I still feel differently whenever he is around, but I manage to disguise it very well. And the fact that he implies that he doesn¡¯t have feelings for me anymore helps me to fake it better than I thought I could. I just wish that the fact that we had sex had taken the attraction for him away from me, but every time he arrives, I can still feel this strange anxiety. A few minutester, Yan arrives with a girl, and he has his hand around her waist. I feel a tightness in my stomach now, something I wanted to avoid feeling anymore, but it still insists on happening every time I see him. They walk through the door while Matt and I are on the couch watching TV. Yan doesn¡¯t look directly at me, but as they approach us, Matt stands up to greet the girl, which implies that he already knows her. Yan then says: ¡°Sky, this is Tracy, my girlfriend.¡± I¡¯m surprised. But I stand up and hold out my hand giving her my best smile while she does the same, but her smile at least seems real. She is a brte and has shoulder-length straight ck hair. She is pretty. No, she¡¯s actually beautiful and from the little we¡¯ve talked about as soon as she sat down with Yan on the sofa, I can tell she¡¯s not like the other girls he¡¯s brought here before. Maybe this time it is really for love that he has started dating. And I like to see him with someone nice like that, but I catch him looking at me, while she says something to Matt. I just wish I knew what was going on in Yan¡¯s mind.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! Tracy stays for dinner. We order pizza and I swear I think she¡¯s a pleasant person. She offers to help me with the dishes and as soon as I¡¯m a little short, I tell her I¡¯ll finish washing up, and she heads in the direction of where Yan is watching TV. Mattes over to where I am standing and says that he is already going to his room and that he will wait for me there. He hugs me from behind and puts his hand under my skirt, making me close my eyes,y my head on his shoulder and wish we were no longer in the kitchen. Heughs, and Ie back to reality as hepletes: ¡°Come quick.¡± He winks at me, but as he turns to leave, I see that Yan is looking away from us, while Tracy is on herp watching the TV. I look again at the sink and finish up as soon as I promised Matt. As I dry thest ss, I look toward the living room and Yan and Tracy are kissing. She is now sitting on the couch with her legs in hisp. They are in a slow kiss as she holds his face. He has one hand around her waist as he squeezes in some parts and the other hand is on one of her thighs where he smoother it slowly as he goes up to find the skirt she is wearing, and he moves his hand slowly up under the fabric and¡­ He opens his eyes and looks in my direction. I turn around instantly. My face is burning. Damn it! I can¡¯t believe he caught me looking at them there. Chapter 15 I finish drying the sses and walk out of the kitchen past the two of them and just look quickly and say goodnight, but even quickly, I can swear Yan is biting back a smile as he says goodnight back, and I really want to disappear now. ¡­ I wake up, look to the side and see that Matt is fast asleep. I am thirsty and get up to get some water in the kitchen. Actually, I¡¯m hungry too, so I determine what to do. I turn on the hallway lights that also turn on the living room lights. I walk slowly so as not to wake anyone up. Furthermore, I pass by Yan¡¯s bedroom door and take a deep breath, I¡¯ll have to face him sooner orter and I know he¡¯ll have that smile again, the one he always has when he baffles me. We should have arranged for him to stop teasing me in that agreement of ours as well. The lights in the living room illuminate almost the entire apartment, and I go straight to the filter without turning on the kitchen lights. I pick up the ss next to the filter and: ¡°There¡¯s ice water here if you prefer.¡± I turn around with my hand on my heart to find Yan standing shirtless with a ss of water in his hand. ¡°My God Yan! Do you want to kill me?¡± He just takes the ss to his mouth and drinks his water normally as if he hadn¡¯t almost scared me to death seconds ago, then says: ¡°I was here before you, who arrived and didn¡¯t notice.¡± I give up trying to have any conversation without him being right, he always acts as if he is right, and I am the wrong one. I put my water back in the ss, he just watches me, and this is already making me all nervous. Only then do I realize how I¡¯m dressed, wearing only Matt¡¯s shirt and panties. I close my eyes for a while. I can¡¯t hide anymore, I just have to act natural, which seems really impossible to do around him. As soon as I finish drinking my water, I get ready to leave him there, but he says: ¡°You don¡¯t have to run away just because I¡¯m here.¡± I turn around and say: ¡°I¡¯m not doing this.¡± He turns to put the ss in the sink as he says: ¡°Yes, you are.¡± I still look at him trying to convince him that he is wrong, but it is hard to pretend when that is the truth, I want to get away from him and this almost naked body in front of me as fast as possible. ¡°Okay, so what do you suggest?¡± He looks me up and down and back into my eyes with his usual smile and says: ¡°Eat?¡± I swallow hard, and heughs when he realizes it, and I hate myself that he might notice it. He concludes by walking past me and opening the refrigerator: ¡°I¡¯m hungry, maybe we can make a sandwich, what do you say?¡± I close my eyes, take a deep breath and say: ¡°Okay, but can you act normal?¡± He looks at me confused, but still smiling. Iplete: ¡°No, not acting normal, just not being, you know, those things you say¡­.¡± I know I¡¯m doing and talking shit again,, but it¡¯s impossible to avoid. I find out mentally that I hate myself again for making it so obvious. He interrupts me: ¡°Look, I think I got it.¡± That was easy. I breathe quietly again. I think this here, this moment between us, might work out after all. He looks back into the fridge as he takes some ingredients and puts them on the table and says: ¡°I promise I won¡¯t even touch the fact that I noticed that you were very interested in my kiss with Tracy.¡± If I had any color in my face, I bet it disappeared the very moment he opened his mouth to remind me of it. Where did I ever think that this conversation could somehow go? ¡°Yan¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡°No! I said we weren¡¯t going to touch that subject.¡± Okay. He¡¯s really a confusing person to me, but I know he just wanted to make me confused as always. But he continues: ¡°And after all, seeing you looking at us in a way, helped and¡­.¡± He looks at me again: ¡°And how it helped.¡± Calm down Sky. Breathe. Cut the eye contact. Breathe, woman! I breathe and step out of the direction of her eyes to go to the drawer to get the salt. I go back to the table where the ingredients for our sandwiches are. He has already sat down and started preparing his, while I am still going to start mine, I say: ¡°Tracy is nice.¡± He doesn¡¯t look at me and says: ¡°Yes, she is.¡± He doesn¡¯t look so excited. He finishes his sandwich and I finish mine. We eat in silence. After a while, I say: ¡°She¡¯s a brte.¡± He looks at me and says: ¡°Yep.¡± I don¡¯t know why,, but I want to go all the way with this and we both know where I¡¯m going with it. Then I continue: ¡°You always brought blonde girls.¡± He stops eating for a while and looks me in the eye once more. And the feeling it gives me makes me regret that I ever got into this story. He says: ¡°Remember what I exined to you about always bringing blonde women?¡± ¡°You wanted to avoid imagining you were with me when you were with them.¡± He moves closer and says very close to me: ¡°Well, maybe now I want to imagine that I¡¯m with you.¡± I swallow hard. He looks serious. He¡¯s getting closer and closer and¡­ ¡°Yan¡± Tracy¡¯s voice echoes through the room even though she is speaking softly, and returns us to our proper positions in the chair. I am totally bewildered again, and this time I think Yan is too. He replies: ¡°I¡¯m here, babyl.¡± Shees over to where we are. ¡°I want one too.¡± She blinks at him as shepletes: ¡°You¡¯ve made me hungry.¡± Argh. Now I¡¯ve lost my hunger. And I hate myself a bit more for being jealous of her. She sits down in the chair next to him, and he prepares a sandwich for her. I eat it silently, but put a smile on my face to make the mood pleasant and forget the tightness he left between my legs when he said that seconds ago. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you call me Yan?¡± ¡°You were sleeping so soundly, I wanted to avoid disturbing you.¡± Shees to him and kisses him. They kiss some more as theyugh, and she sits on hisp. I continue with my sandwich that has just been finished. Sheughs, pping Yan¡¯s hand as she puts the sandwich back on the table. I think he did something under the table that I didn¡¯t notice and don¡¯t care what it was. I just want to get out of here as soon as possible, but as I get up, I remember something important, I¡¯m not as dressed up as I look. Tracy gets up to get more juice from the fridge and offers it to me, which I take the opportunity to say: ¡°No, I think I¡¯m going back to bed now.¡± As she puts more juice in her ss, I look at Yan and nod. He looks at me confused, I whisper: ¡°I need to go to bed.¡± He just whispers back: ¡°Good.¡± He doesn¡¯t seem interested in that,, and I would say he even looks quite angry hearing that. I insist: ¡°Yan.¡± I point down, only then does he realize what I am talking about. He stands up and grabs Tracy from behind, whoughs and turns to him. They totally ignore that they are about to fall on me, and he says to her: ¡°Let¡¯s go back to the room and finish what we started?¡± He must be loving talking these things to her while I¡¯m standing here listening. She says: ¡°Again?¡± They leave the kitchen, and I bet she doesn¡¯t even realize that she¡¯s hardly eaten anything. Yan turns to me and whispers: ¡°You¡¯re wee.¡± He blinks and bites back a smile. I roll my eyes. They go to their room. I breathe a sigh of relief. I couldn¡¯t get up or Tracy would see that I was in the kitchen at dawn almost naked with her boyfriend.This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. Chapter 16 I quickly wash the sses, making as little noise as possible. As soon as they are all clean and dry, I turn around and find Yan lost in thought, biting his lips behind me. I put my hand on my heart as I say softly: That¡¯s the second time you¡¯ve almost killed me today. He looks a little ufortable that I¡¯ve caught him like this, and all I know is that he sure came quietly to stare at my ass, and that¡¯s what he was doing. It¡¯s ttering, but obnoxious too. Maybe more ttering than obnoxious but¡­ He interrupts my reverie when he walks over and says: ¡°Do you want to try a third time, only we would do it differently?¡± Oh, crap! Why did I promise to stop this cleaning mania? Ah, it was exactly to get rid of situations like this with Yan! He closes his eyes at seeing me so close to him, as I take a deep breath and hold the sink firmly behind me. ¡°Damn Sky, I¡¯m sorry.¡± Huh? Did I really hear that? He opens his eyes and meets me with a confused look because that¡¯s really how I feel:confused. ¡°I just can¡¯t, not say those things when I¡¯m around you and, well¡­ I promised I wouldn¡¯t.¡± I still don¡¯t say anything, and he continues: ¡°I can tell you¡¯re notfortable with this and I want to avoid giving you this impression that everything hasn¡¯t changed because it has, and I want you to be asfortable with me, as I am with you.¡± Now I get it. He came all this way to throw in my face that somehow he thinks things are still the same for me, that I still have the hots for him even after what we did and that he doesn¡¯t feel anything anymore and that he won¡¯t keep saying these things, so I won¡¯t make it so obvious to him (or anyone else) every time he tries? ¡°Do you understand?¡± I am incredulous. Finally, I find my line: ¡°Did youe all this way to somehow rify it for me? That you don¡¯t give a shit what I do, but that I¡¯m making it too obvious that I¡¯m crazy about you?¡± He looks at me as if he didn¡¯t expect it. But he says: ¡°Actually, I just came to get Tracy¡¯s sandwich.¡± He goes to smile, but I interrupt: ¡°Fuck you, Yan!¡± And I walk out of the kitchen towards Matt¡¯s room. I close the door and get under the nket. Matt is still sleeping, there is a giant lump forming in my throat and tears areing out of me that I can¡¯t control. How could I have been such an idiot? Why did I let myself get carried away and do that to him? Remembering what we did now makes me sick. How I hate Yan! And I repeat thisst sentences until anger and sleeppletely overtake me. ¡­ I open my eyes and see that it is not yet light. It¡¯s Saturday and I don¡¯t need to wake up early today. I look at the clock by the bed and see that it is still five forty-five in the morning. I thought I would wake up feeling bad, but I guess the amount of crying I did before going to sleep washed away some of my anger. Furthermore, I don¡¯t feel so bad anymore, I just woke up with one purpose: to entirely ignore Yan¡¯s existence and take care of my rtionship with Matt. And thinking about it, I look to the side, he is still sleeping, and his hair is all messed up and some parts cover his eye. It¡¯s a beautiful thing to watch. He slept with his shirt off because I have his shirt on. I want him. I run my eyes down his almost bare body and even though he doesn¡¯t have any fucking tattoos, he is incredibly sexy. Furthermore, I ce my hand on his abdomen and slowly work my way down to where the nket is covering him, more or less to his crotch. Likewise, I want him so bad now. But he¡¯s sleeping. I pout, and I know he¡¯d love to see that. I end up smiling. Not only that, but I unbutton the shirt I¡¯m wearing, take off my panties and slowly climb on top of him and watch him still sleeping. Likewise, I lower my body slowly, my hairbrushes his shoulders,, and he just stirs. Likewise, I get close to his ear and say: ¡°I need you, baby.¡± Furthermore, I roll over slowly because he¡¯s not ready yet the way I require him to be. Not only that, but I leave kisses on his neck, and he puts two hands on my waist, but his eyes are still closed. I can already feel his breathing getting heavier, and down here he is also awakening. I end up smiling and say it again: ¡°I need you, inside me and¡­ outside¡­¡± ¡°Sky¡­¡± I smile at him, who now has his eyes open and smiling continues: ¡°I love that you love sex.¡± I take his hands and ce them both inside my shirt on my breasts, and he strokes them slowly. I close my eyes and my head falls back. Likewise, I look back up at him, and he looks into my eyes, and I lift myself up just enough to fit him into me. And when Ie down, it¡¯s as if he fills me and I need to feel this so badly, it¡¯s as if we haven¡¯t had sex like this in days. I move up and down a few times, and I don¡¯t care if I¡¯m making noise. The instant I move up, I just want him back inside me, so I move faster down again. He pulls me into his mouth, which makes what we¡¯re doing even more delicious. He holds my ass with both hands to help me move, and I roll even more because I want to drive him crazy the way I am. I bite his lip as I climax, only to have him climax secondster. I fall on his chest so that he is still inside me, we are not having sex anymore, just calming our breaths, but I like that we can still be so connected like this. ¡­ I end up falling asleep again because I wake up and see that it is nine in the morning. Matt is getting out of the shower and I get up and get ready to go take a shower too. ¡­ I finish my shower and realize that Matt has already left. I leave the room looking for him, but all I find is Yan and Tracy sitting on hisp watching TV in the living room. They look at me, she¡¯s smiling and Yan is not so happy. I think to myself, ¡°fuck you and the shitface you¡¯re making.¡± I sit down on the other couch and ask: ¡°What about Matt?¡± I leave the question up in the air and Tracy quickly replies: ¡°He went to buy bread rolls.¡± Minutester, Matt arrives and we have coffee. Matt is happy, and I like to be the reason for that. Tracy says goodbye to us right after breakfast, she says she has to meet a friend. Yan goes back to his room and I mentally thank him for not having to enjoy hispany. Even though we haven¡¯t exchanged so much as a nce. I still feel certain anger for what he said to me yesterday. Matt asks me to keep himpany, even if he has to type some parts of his work. I read some book while he works on hisputer sitting on the bed and I in an armchair in his room. We agree to go out to lunch since we don¡¯t feel like preparing food. Matt brings something for Yan. ¡­ Matt continues working on theputer and I decide to do some general cleaning in the apartment, which includes just vacuuming the floor and dusting with the feather duster. Once I¡¯m done, I feel tired but satisfied with the result. I hate dirt and dust. I go to Matt¡¯s room to take a shower because I feel tired and hot, but he warns me as soon as I take off my clothes to go to the bathroom: ¡°There is no hot water.¡± I turn around and say: ¡°Oh no, Matt, again? I can¡¯t take a cold shower.¡± I pout, heughs and says: ¡°I know. Furthermore, I¡¯ll call someone to fix it¡­ tomorrow or the next day.¡± ¡°Matt.¡± Another pout. Hees to me and says: ¡°Take a bath in Yan¡¯s room.¡± ¡°No!¡± ¡°Why not?¡± I put my shirt back on and say: ¡°Why not, and besides he¡¯s sleeping, I don¡¯t want to disturb him.¡± ¡°Stop this nonsense, Sky. Come with me.¡± He holds my hand, and we walk out of his room towards Yan¡¯s bedroom door. Matt says: ¡°He¡¯s been asleep for a long time, it¡¯s really time to wake up for something to eat.¡± I stand beside Matt holding my towel while he knocks on the door. Yan opens the door. He is puffy eyed, shirtless and with his hair, all messed up, I feel a strange twinge in the pit of my stomach when he looks at me and quickly shifts his focus to Matt. Matt says: ¡°Sky needs to take a shower, can she use your shower, mine, you know right?¡± Yan looks at me again, then runs his hand over his face and says, opening the door: ¡°Of course.¡± Matt says as I walk past Yan through the door into his room, which is almostpletely dark: ¡°I brought you some food, I left it in the kitchen.¡± I hear Yan say thank you and I finally see the bathroom light and head in that direction.This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. Chapter 17 It feels strange to be here again after what happened, but I push those memories out of my mind. The whole room smells of Yan, actually the smell of his perfume. I look around and see some magazines, a notebook, some CDs, and the bed all messed up with the sheets. It is not nice, however, to see some books that I know for sure are Tracy¡¯s and a coat on the armchair that I also know is hers. I don¡¯t like to like it here. The bad thing about all this is that Yan is very bipr. How could he say those things to me like yesterday, and today look at me like that seconds ago, like he¡¯s not the idiot he is? It¡¯s hard to hate him. But it¡¯s a job I make sure I have. I turn to open the bathroom door fully, but it¡¯s the bedroom door that opens first, I turn, and it¡¯s Matt, sigh relieved. He says: ¡°Yan is in the room, and I¡¯m going to take a cold shower anyway because I got a call from Megan, and I¡¯m going to have to go meet her in a few minutes. Make yourselffortable and as soon as you¡¯re done I¡¯ll be in the room, maybe I can take you home before I meet her.¡± ¡°All right, I¡¯ll walk fast, I promise.¡± He turns and closes the door. Megan is one of Matt¡¯s co-workers, she¡¯s nice, but this whole thing about them having work even on the weekend is horrible. Yan¡¯s bathroom is like a normal men¡¯s room, not much inparison to Matt¡¯s bathroom, which is already almost my own because it has most of my cosmetics lying around. I take off my clothes and step into the shower stall, turning on the hot shower and I love the feeling of letting the tiredness of my entire body drain away. As soon as I am done with his soap, by the way, I see the bathroom door open. I remove the soap from my face to be sure of what I am seeing. I open part of the shower stall to find myself face to face with Yan. Furthermore, I look at him, and he looks at me calmly. I say: ¡°But what do you¡­.¡± He interrupts me: ¡°You don¡¯t have to stress, it¡¯s okay. Tracy¡¯s waiting for me and I need to brush my teeth, that¡¯s all.¡± He looks again at the sink in front of him as he puts toothpaste on his toothbrush. I still stare at him in disbelief. But he ignores me and starts brushing his teeth. I close the shower stall. I take a deep breath. Likewise, I can see the perfect silhouette of his shirtless body on the other side, and that means he can also see me naked here. Not only that, but I cross my hands over my chest instinctively, but secondster realize that it won¡¯t do any good. If he is acting like this is somethingmon and normal, well, so can I. I turn on the shower and start to get rid of the suds. I hear him turn on the sink and I think he¡¯s finished. Furthermore, I thank the heavens. But I also see that he turns off the sink and stares for a few seconds in the mirror, or is he looking at me? I can¡¯t be certain, the ss in the shower stall is too foggy, but I turn around and don¡¯t look in his direction anymore I hear the door close soon after. I turn off the shower and breathe normally again. It¡¯s sad to still be like this when he¡¯s around. I take my towel and dry myself off. I go to put on my clothes, but I can¡¯t find my bra. Likewise, I could swear I walked in here with him. Not only that, but I look around and find nothing. Maybe I took it from Matt¡¯s room. I leave the bathroom already preparing myself to bump into him in his room, but as soon as I do, I see that there is no one there, not bad. I leave his room and realize that he is in the kitchen, already dressed with a shirt and with his hair, much better than when we woke him up. Likewise, I go to Matt¡¯s room, and he is finishing getting dressed and says he needs to leave quickly. He kisses me quickly on the lips and says that he has already asked Yan to drop me home with his car. Mentally, I just say: ¡°What?¡± He leaves and Yan turns to me as he brings his ss of juice to his mouth. Before I walked back into Matt¡¯s room, I could swear that Yan had one of those usual smiles on his lips. As soon as I enter the room, I look everywhere for my bra. At least Matt¡¯s room is well-organized, but I really can¡¯t find my bra. What a mess! I look at my shirt which unfortunately is a light gray color, and you can pretty much tell that I really need my bra because my breasts are almost showing. I hear knocking at the door. Yan says on the other side: ¡°Can we go?¡± I just take my jeans jacket and get dressed, at least it disguises the fact that I have to go out without a bra. I¡¯m going straight home, so I don¡¯t have to worry about that. Furthermore, I leave the room and close the door behind me. Yan is already standing near the exit door. As I walk toward him holding a bag of clothes in my hand, he¡¯s watching me walk toward him, but he¡¯s looking at one part in particr, at the height of my chest and, Shit! Instinctively, I bring my hand to close the front of the jacket, but he is still looking, and it makes me totally ufortable, I give up closing and get close to him, I pass by him and hold the door handle while I say: ¡°Come on, weren¡¯t you rushing?¡± I swear heughs as he closes the door behind me. Ie to a conclusion as we walk down the stairs in silence. Yan grabbed my bra when he went into the bathroom at that hour. I get into the car, still in silence. He didn¡¯te with any jokes, and I thank heaven for that. He puts on a pair of sunsses, which adds a certain charm, but I turn forward, and we stare at the still silent traffic. Furthermore, he looks at me a few times and then moves his eyes down to my shirt. Then I turn to him and say: ¡°Did you took my bra, Yan?¡± He looks at me and says: ¡°What?¡± The way he reacts to my question makes me wonder if I¡¯m really sure about this. But I am. I went into that bathroom with my bra. I think. Likewise, I turn again to the traffic ahead, and he says: ¡°Why do you think I took it?¡± ¡°Because I was in the bathroom before you went in there.¡± ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Well, almost absolutely.¡± He looks at me and I look back. He is smiling when he realizes that I am not so sure and looks straight ahead again. Likewise, he then says: ¡°Don¡¯t worry, you look good like this.¡± Then he looks at my shirt again andpletes: ¡°Okay.¡± He smiles. Then my certainty increases even more that it was him.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. I turn forward again and say: ¡°Childish.¡± He just replies: ¡°Old woman.¡± I look at him who looks at me smiling even more and I cross my arms in irritation and look forward, and he says: ¡°Who¡¯s being childish now?¡± I go to answer something, but he says: ¡°We¡¯ve arrived.¡± I just turn around to realize that we are. I just say: ¡°Great.¡± I open the door and just as I¡¯m about to close it, he takes off his sses and says to me: ¡°Won¡¯t you thank me?¡± I look at him for a moment. There are several things I could say to wipe the silly smile off his face, but I choose to say only: ¡°Thank you, Yan.¡± There¡¯s a lot between the lines, and he knows it because he smiles with satisfaction at how much he¡¯s annoyed me in the few words we¡¯ve exchanged along the way. I¡¯m about to turn to enter the building when I hear the car door close, turn around, and he has just left and says: ¡°Oh, I forgot that Matt asked me to pick up a document that he left with you.¡± It was too good to be true to get rid of him like that. Chapter 18 I walk up the stairs, trying to walk as far away from him as possible. I don¡¯t care if he¡¯s looking at my ass because I¡¯m sure he¡¯s doing it. We get to my apartment, I shuffle around with the keys, and heughs. It pisses me off even more, to know that he knows it makes me like this. I finally open the door and don¡¯t even tell him toe in because he¡¯s already done that. He stays in the room and I just say: ¡°I¡¯m going to get the document Matt needs.¡± He just stands there looking at me and makes me go to my room, taking a deep breath so as not to piss me off even more. I find the folder and leave my room, he gets up from the couch while I hand it to him wishing he would go away soon. He takes the folder and stares at me,, and he looks down at my shirt one more time. Okay, that¡¯s enough! ¡°Isn¡¯t Tracy expecting you?¡± Heughs and says: ¡°Wow, you seem really interested in seeing me away.¡± I just stare at him, not going to give him any more reasons to think he¡¯s the guy. He puts his hands up and says: ¡°All right, I¡¯ming.¡± He goes to the door and I follow him to close it and get rid of him, but he turns around, and I whimper. He walks over to me and says, ¡°Look, I¡¯ve got to get out of here: ¡°Look, I have to confess something to you.¡± There¡¯s nothing good that¡¯s going toe out of this. He continues: ¡°I only do these things because I have this strange, selfish need for you to think of me, for better or worse.¡± He looks into my eyes for a while and then walks away. I finally say:Material ? of N?velDrama.Org. ¡°So you confess to taking my bra?¡± Heughs and just says: ¡°I never said that.¡± But from the smile he has on his face as he says it, I¡¯m just now sure that you are with him. I just wanted to see why he did it. I close the door and take a moment to think about what he said. That¡¯s really true, he always leaves me with a reason to remember him, be it something good or something bad. ¡­ A few dayster. ¡°So, you¡¯re really going?¡± He looks at me sitting on his bed as he puts some clothes in his suitcase. It¡¯s Friday afternoon and Matt is taking another trip. I just got off work and stopped by his apartment because he texted me about thisst-minute trip. ¡°Think at least this time it¡¯s just for one day. I¡¯ll go now in the morning, and I¡¯ll be back this time tomorrow.¡± I pout, hees to me, kisses me and says again: ¡°I promise we¡¯ll talk on the cell phone constantly.¡± ¡°It even looks like Megan is going to let you do that.¡± Heughs and says: ¡°I won¡¯t let her figure it out.¡± I end upughing and we kiss again. Yan is in the kitchen having a Coke, while Matt says goodbye to me in the living room. I hate to leave you like this on a weekend. ¡°It¡¯s okay Matt, it¡¯s really no problem, it¡¯s your job, I understand.¡± He tells me: ¡°Why don¡¯t you do the following, go out dancing, some restaurant, invite a friend of yours¡­ I don¡¯t know.¡± Heughs, so do I. I just say: ¡°No, I¡¯ll be fine.¡± I see Yan roll his eyes, I remember that once he told me that I shouldn¡¯t stay home on a Friday night. But following his ideas always leads me to do things I¡¯d rather not remember anymore. Matt says: ¡°I really would feel better knowing that you are going to have a good time.¡± I¡¯m about to say something when Yanes up to us and says: ¡°Why don¡¯t you go out with me?¡± I look at him in surprise, and Matt looks confused. He then runs his hand through his hair and says: ¡°It¡¯s Tracy¡¯s birthday, and we have prepared a surprise for her at the skateboarding rink, it will be cool.¡± I just say: ¡°It¡¯s Tracy¡¯s birthday?¡± But he just shakes his head, and Matt looks amazed to hear that. He says: ¡°Great! You¡¯re going with Yan and Tracy.¡± I look reluctant, but Matt says: ¡°Please, I don¡¯t want you not to have fun because of my work problems.¡± He smiles and raises his eyebrows, I end upughing and say: ¡°All right, I¡¯ll go.¡± Yan returns to the kitchen with a smile on his face. I ignore him. When we are at the door, Yan says: ¡°I¡¯ll pick you up at eight.¡± He has a giant smile as he says that, maybe because of the double meaning in that sentence. I roll my eyes and say: ¡°All right.¡± ¡­ It¡¯s seven fifty-five when I hear a knock on the door. I open it and find Yan looking me up and down and saying: ¡°Wow!¡± I grimace and say, turning inward: ¡°I know, I look ridiculous, I¡¯ll change.¡± But he doesn¡¯t wait for me to finish my sentence, he holds my hand and says: ¡°No, you look¡­amazing!¡± I end up smiling and say: ¡°Do you think so?¡± He just smiles and shakes his head. I just put on a basic little ck dress, but a little tight to the body and throw a jacket over it, I think he might have found a difference in the fact that my hair is loose. I hardly ever leave it like this. In the car, Yan tells me that he has arranged with Tracy to meet him there at the skate park and that we will arrive almost at the same time as her and her friend. We don¡¯t talk much on the way. To break this awkward silence that hassted for some time, I say: ¡°It¡¯s nice that you n this party for Tracy.¡± He just looks at me quickly and smiles, then says: ¡°I can be a pleasant guy asionally.¡± He winks at me and smiles again. I turn forward and say: ¡°Yeah, now I know. Heughs even more. ¡­ We arrive at the party a littlete because we hear the congrattions just before we enter. But as soon as we enter, Tracy is crying with joy andes towards us, grabs Yan and starts kissing him while everyone is screaming even more. We arrive at the party a littlete because we hear the congrattions just before we enter. But as soon as we enter, Tracy is crying with joy andes towards us, grabs Yan and starts kissing him while everyone is screaming even more. The ce of the party was divided between the dance floor, where most of the people are, a small stage with a DJ and a ce with a counter and some stools where the drinks are being served. After greeting the birthday girl amidst the screams and leaving them there having fun in a giant hug, in which I had to fight my way out of the crowd alive. I walk over to the small stool near the counter and order something a little less strong than what the people in that hug ordered earlier, and the bartenderughs. I get a message from Matt that makes me happy, that I don¡¯t feel alone here anymore. Matt: Having a great time? Me: Yeah. Matt: More than I should? Me: I wish. Me: I¡¯ve been to better parties and with betterpany. Matt: Lol Matt: Did they abandon you? Me: It wasn¡¯t really abandonment, I just lost them in the middle of that hug in the crowd. Matt: Lol Matt: Megan Matt: I¡¯ll be backter. Me: Okay I put my cell phone back in my purse and go back to my drink. ¡°Oh, so you¡¯re there!¡± I turn around and see that it¡¯s Yan approaching. He sits down next to me, he is happy, he points to the dance floor and says: ¡°So, do I know how to throw a party or not?¡± I just say: ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Tracy enjoyed it, more than you, apparently.¡± I look at him, who looks at me suggestively, then back at Tracy. She¡¯s dancing next to the DJ with some friends, she¡¯s really radiant and¡­ Wait a minute. The dress she¡¯s wearing¡­ It¡¯s simr to the one I wore for my birthday! I look at Yan, who already seems to understand that I have noticed. He doesn¡¯t even look at me as he says: ¡°Did you like the dress? It was a gift from me.¡± I¡¯m stunned. I just say after a while: ¡°This is sick.¡± He just says: ¡°No, it¡¯s sexy, really sexy.¡± He is walking back to the dance floor because Tracy is calling him. I take another shot of my drink and tell the bartender: ¡°I¡¯ll have another one, but now can you put a little more alcohol in, please?¡± Chapter 19 Tracy came to talk to me, we talked for a while, but soon she was requested elsewhere, and I told her I would be fine. After a while, I decide to go outside to breathe better because I think people in here are already more than drunk. I go to a private part, a little dark, but I can see some people skateboarding, and I like being here without anyone trying to make me feel fortable. Some timeter, I see that Yan also appears on the skateboarding track. I watch him there and see that he really belongs here, he looks so good when he is with his skateboard. I sit for a while, lean my head back and close my eyes. Furthermore, I imagine how good it would be if I had never gotten under those sheets with him that morning, if I had never allowed myself to be attracted to him, if I had never gone to bed with him? Everything would be so much easier for everyone. But I can no longer change all this and all this anxiety that I feel when I¡¯m near him. Much less, this desire that insists on making my legs ache every time I remember his mouth on my body¡­ I take a deep breath, I think the alcohol is already making me a little airborne, but it doesn¡¯t make what I¡¯m feeling goes away. I clench my legs, take a deep breath, push my feathers against each other again, and my hands clench my dress¡­ Furthermore, I whimper. ¡°Yan¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m interrupting?¡± I open my eyes and straighten up. Yan is looking at me with his usual smile. I hope he didn¡¯t see or hear anything. I¡¯m red. Likewise, I¡¯m sure. Not only that, but I stand up and say in utter bewilderment: ¡°Interrupts what?¡± He just raises his eyebrows and continues to smile as he says: ¡°I don¡¯t know, I just asked a question.¡± ¡°Nothing. You didn¡¯t interrupt anything. I just needed to get some fresh air.¡± I answer and stop facing him because something in his eyes tells me that he does know that he interrupted something, and my stomach twists at the thought. Hees closer,, and I hate to change the way I breathe as soon as he leans in close to me. I disguise it. ¡°Where is Tracy?¡± He knows I am looking for a subject that is not about us and about here. ¡°She¡¯s on her sixth or tenth shot. So, I let her have some fun with her friends.¡± I end upughing. We look some more at some boys doing maneuvers. Then I ask: ¡°How did you find me here?¡± He turns to me and says: ¡°I came following a wonderful perfume and a very sexy ck dress.¡± I swallow because he is looking at me that way again, as if he is seeing me naked. But he doesn¡¯t stop there, he continues: ¡°And if I had kept my mouth shut, maybe I would have seen her satisfy herself, while speaking my name.¡± I freeze. I stop breathing. Furthermore, I pull myself together. Shit! Likewise, I just say: ¡°Yan you can¡¯t tell me these things. You know how I feel.¡± I¡¯m about to turn away from him and walk away when he says: ¡°I don¡¯t really know.¡± I turn around and he continues: ¡°You never really told me. You always make faces and mouths and take deep breaths.¡± Heughs and continues: ¡°But you never told me how you feel.¡± He looks at me. Is he challenging me? From the look in his eyes and the smile, it looks like he is. I take courage, perhaps from the alcohol ingested earlier, and walk towards him. I step closer to his face and say: ¡°Do you really want to know how I feel?¡± He looks surprised and just shakes his head in agreement. I smile and ce my hand on his chest. I lower my eyes to my hand as I slowly move down, and I can notice how his breathing has changed, and I can also feel his heart racing. Furthermore, I like this. My hand moves down and stops where I find his boxer shorts. I look at him again, and he raises his eyes and looks at me. He doesn¡¯t have that smile anymore. He seems under control, under my control. I love it. I run my index finger along a horizontal line twice before finding the button of his pants and slowly opening it. He lifts his face and closes his eyes. He is hard, I can feel it through the fabric of his jeans. I end up smiling to myself. I slowly slip my hand inside his boxer shorts and Then I pull my hand away from him, he opens his eyes and I say: ¡°that¡¯s how I feel.¡± He just stares at me. I turn and walk away when I feel a hand around my waist. When I look back, he has already pulled me in, and we are inches apart. The next thing I know, his lips are on mine. I even intend to push him away from me, but the way he is holding me and the way his tongue ispping at my mouth, is making me want him to stop every second. So, I finally stop holding his arm tightly and let my body slowly soften as my mouth follows the rhythm of his. It¡¯s horrible to admit that I always wanted to experience his kiss, whenever I saw him kissing other girls. I wanted to know what it was like to have on mine, those lips that he bites so hard when he smiles. And as I imagine those lips are on mine, and they are softer and more addictive than I imagined, I end up moaning softly, which makes him squeeze me even tighter against his body. I wanted to avoid thinking about so many things, but I feel that this kiss is something more intimate than anything we¡¯ve ever had before,, and I didn¡¯t want it to mess with me that much. So, I enjoy it while trying not to think about how this shouldn¡¯t be happening. He then walks away slowly, his eyes closed. I stare at him, I¡¯m unresponsive now. He opens his eyes and says with a sincerity I¡¯ve never seen before: ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± It doesn¡¯t sound like a question, but like a request that requires no answer. He needs me to do this. But I feel that this time I can¡¯t do it. He broke the only barrier we had, and I allowed it. Not only am I hating him now, I¡¯m hating myself for it. ¡°Yan! There you are!¡± Tracy arrives apanied by two girls, and they areughing loudly. We turn away from each other, but I see out of the corner of my eye that as they approach, he is still looking at me, he looks sad. I want to say something, but currently I have too much to process in my mind and I choose silence. Tracy and the girls arrive, and she holds his arm as he puts a smile back on his face. I just can¡¯t decipher if it¡¯s real, at least it doesn¡¯t look like it. They follow and as soon as they realize that I am not following them, Tracy turns and says to me: ¡°Come on, Sky!¡± I just say: ¡°I¡¯ming, I¡¯ll be right there.¡± Yan looks at me again and then looks away. I put my best smile on my face, and she epts. They go on, I stay. I know that once this drink wears off, I¡¯ll really regret what I did. I stare for a while at the skate track ahead. Furthermore, I take a deep breath. What am I going to do now? Everything is so wrong for me that I reserve the right not to think about anything now. Just watch for a while longer, until I get up the courage to go inside and ask someone to take me home. I pick up my cell phone and there is a message from Matt. ¡°Matt: Megan went to get the pizza.¡± Minutester, there¡¯s another one. ¡°Matt: Where are you?¡± It¡¯s from a while ago. Damn it! I say to myself. I type back: ¡°Me: Hi, sorry, I didn¡¯t see your message before.¡± I wait, but I don¡¯t get an answer. I look at the clock, it¡¯s 1:30 in the morning. Furthermore, I guess I¡¯ll have to go back to that party over there if I want someone to take me home. ¡­ I find everyone gathered near the makeshift bar, and thank heaven I don¡¯t have to walk into the middle of that dance floor to look for them. Tracy is sitting on Yan¡¯sp while drinking something colorful andughing. I approach her and say, avoiding direct contact with Yan, who also does the same: ¡°Could someone drive me home?¡± Kyle readily offers. Just as I thank him, Yan says: ¡°I¡¯ll take you.¡± Then we look at each other and I really want to say that I¡¯d rather go with Kyle, but Yanpletes: ¡°I swear I didn¡¯t drink anything, and Tracy and her friends are going too.¡± I breathe more, relieved that I won¡¯t have to be in hispany alone. Tracy gets up and asks: ¡°Where are we going?¡± Yan gets close to her ear and says something that makes her happy. He dances off with his friends toward the exit. I follow Yan who is right behind the girls. Tracy goes in the front seat with him and me with her friends in the back. I wish I could not see his lips in the rearview mirror.This content ? N?v/elDr(a)m/a.Org. Chappter 20 Tracy is still ¡°buzzed¡± by the alcohol and turns to talk to her friends, who are also too happy for my taste, about something funny that happened at the party. They chat, while I look out the window, my thoughts so far away. She turns andments on the subject to Yan, who just says yes to something she said. She goes back toughing with her friends, out of the corner of my eye I see that Yan is fiddling with the rearview mirror and when I look in that direction I see him looking at me, he still looks serious to me. I avert my eyes elsewhere. We arrive in front of my apartment. I go downstairs and when I go to say goodbye to Tracy she says: ¡°It was great that you came with us.¡± I just smile back and say: ¡°Make sure you guys don¡¯t get into too much trouble from now on.¡± She smiles even more and says: ¡°No, we¡¯ll be fine. We¡¯re just going downtown because Yan is getting me a tattoo for my birthday present!¡± She ps her hands whileughing, she is overjoyed and so are the girls. I just say: ¡°Wow, how original.¡± I look at Yan who is looking at his hands on the steering wheel. She replies: ¡°Isn¡¯t it?¡± She doesn¡¯t understand the irony in my tone of voice. And she doesn¡¯t even deserve that I am acting like this. And I don¡¯t want to ruin her birthday any more than I already have, so I just say goodbye and head toward the entrance of the building, not even looking in Yan¡¯s direction as I turn the car around. I arrive at my apartment, Matt still hasn¡¯t answered me, but it turns out it¡¯s toote to get an answer from him. I take a shower because I couldn¡¯t sleep the way I was. The bartender went all out when I asked for a little more alcohol. I go to the kitchen to prepare a ss of milk. I clear my mind, I don¡¯t want to think about anything. Nothing. Nothing¡­ Lips¡­ That mouth in the rearview mirror¡­ I put my hands on my face. But what the hell! Matt came in this afternoon and told me to a sleepover. I was in my pajamas all day, I didn¡¯t feel like eating anything. My stomach was like shit and I didn¡¯t even drink that much, maybe it was theck of habit of ingesting alcoholic beverages that made me like this. Or maybe it was something else, something that I am trying my best not to think about. I don¡¯t remember feeling this way after we¡­ well after we had sex that night. He said himself that it would be something physical and it was, in a way. But the way he kissed me yesterday made me realize that nothing we have ever done before can be in any way just physical, it is much more than that. I know that he felt the same way I did while kissing me and I hate to admit that I liked it. I don¡¯t even want to think about it and I¡¯m already thinking again. ¡°What the fuck!¡± After we agreed that nothing more was going to happen between us, hees in with that kiss. I know I provoked him, but that didn¡¯t give him the right to do that to me. But there he was again acting like an asshole minutester as usual. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m mad at him just because he kissed me, I guess I didn¡¯t like that he went to get a tattoo for her, that was something I thought he would do just for me, but he didn¡¯t. He¡¯s a jerk and he will always be a jerk. He is an asshole and he will always be that way. ¡­ I take a shower and go to Matt¡¯s apartment. I open the door and see that Yan and Tracy are on the couch in the living room. They are cuddled together watching something on TV. And I wish I didn¡¯t feel this weird chill in my stomach every time I see them. As soon as I close the door, they look in my direction and Tracy quickly says hello, while I say hello back. Yan looks in my direction, I do too, but I quickly look away and don¡¯t do that anymore. Mattes out of the room and meets me with a kiss and a long hug saying that he missed me. As he hugs me, I face in the direction of those two over there. Yan is wearing a sweater and I hate to catch myself trying to see the tattoo he made for her. But as soon as he sees me hugging Matt, he just says something in Tracy¡¯s ear, she smiles, and they walk off in the direction of his room. ¡±I brought Chinese food, I put it in the kitchen.¡± Matt loves Chinese food and I wanted to surprise him. No one here is a big fan of cooking. I put on a movie, while Matt brings our food. I just say: ¡±I brought enough for everyone, do you want to call Yan and Tracy?¡± Mattughs and says: ¡±I guess they¡¯re not hungry right now.¡± He winks and I smile, but I don¡¯t like to imagine whatever it is they are doing there. An hourter we are with the lights off under the nket finishing watching that movie when Yanes out of the room and walks past us shirtless and with his hair all messed up. He looks sexy like that and I hate to admit it to myself. I run my eyes down his body looking for a certain new tattoo but to no avail. He looks at me and I avert my eyes to the TV. Matt says:Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. ¡± Sky brought Chinese food, try putting it in the microwave, because it must have gotten cold.¡± He heads toward the kitchen. I turn to Matt and say: ¡±Can we go to bed? I want to wake up early tomorrow.¡± ¡±Wake up early on a Sunday, Sky?¡± I just answer Matt: ¡±I have a test on Monday and some weekdays too, so I need to study.¡± ¡±Okay, let¡¯s go then.¡± I get up and don¡¯t even look in the direction of the kitchen. ¡­ I wake up early, say goodbye to Matt, and go home to study. Gracees to study with me because we are in the same ss and we have be friends since then. ¡­ Mattes to dinner with me and he doesn¡¯t stay for the night, because he also has to wake up early. I go to college in the morning and I don¡¯t do too badly on the exam. In the afternoon I go to work and I wish I wasn¡¯t feeling so airborne. The weekdays go by slowly, Mattes to my apartment whenever he finds some time and I continue with my study nights, which is the only time I have to study. It¡¯s Thursday and I¡¯m asking heaven for this week to go by fast. But I¡¯ve been missing something that I don¡¯t know what it is. ¡±Sky?¡± Lucy surprises me, while I grab some copies from the copy machine. ¡±What?¡± ¡±Wow! You¡¯re in a world of the moon girl!¡± ¡±Oh, shut up!¡± I say softly because this intimacy I have only with her, who smiles andpletes: It¡¯s almost snack time, finish that and go there. ¡±Yeah, I¡¯ll be right there. Aren¡¯t youing?¡± We always grab some snacks or coffee at the bakery across the street from my work. ¡±Not today. By the way, there¡¯s a beautiful ma looking for you at the front desk.¡± She winks at me and leaves, smiling as she sees my surprised face. As I go downstairs, I run into Yan, who is sitting in an armchair as if he were one of the employees or one of the owners of thepany. It is inevitable not to get a hint of anxiety and take the opportunity to look around while he hasn¡¯t seen me yet. I just wonder what he is doing here and how he found out where I work. He is wearing a white T-shirt and ck jeans. The girl at the front desk who I can never remember is Sally or Kelly is mesmerized by him. She almost eats him with her eyes. And ridiculous. I roll my eyes watching that scene. She is blonde, blue-eyed, and manages to get some cleavage into this almost impossible uniform of ours. He smiles at her as he looks in her direction and sees her smiling again. I roll my eyes again. And from the way I felt when I saw him smiling at her, I could have sworn that¡­ Oh, forget it Sky. I don¡¯t like him, he¡¯s nothing of mine, just my boyfriend¡¯s brother and¡­ ¡±Sky!¡± He pulls me out of my reverie and when I look in his direction he is standing with his hand in his pocket, kind of shy. I hate the pit in my stomach when he looks at me like that. I¡¯m a little embarrassed and approach him. I look at Sally or Kelly who quickly stops looking in his direction and goes back to herputer. She looks frustrated and I like that. I look in his direction now and before I can ask, he says: ¡±Matt told me where your work is once and I am here because we need to talk.¡± I look at him for a moment and say: ¡±We don¡¯t need to.¡± I turn and walk towards the exit and realize that he is following me, the next thing I know we are outside and he crosses in front of me and says: ¡±And this is why we should talk.¡± I question: ¡±That¡¯s why what?¡± He looks at me sad now and says: ¡°I don¡¯t want you to hate me.¡± Chapter 21 I never said I hate you. He still looks at me nkly andpletes: ¡±I wanted you to hate me.¡± Hearing this makes me angry and I say: ¡±Do you have any idea how bipr you are?¡± I try to follow, but he stops me. It would be easier. It¡¯s always easier when you¡¯re hating me, but¡­ I can¡¯t live with it. I look at him confused and he continues: ¡±After I kissed you¡­.¡± He runs his hand down his neck and confesses: ¡±Well, I wanted to kiss you again.¡± Iugh. Not because this is funny, more a nervousugh at what I just heard. I think he understands. Right away my breath is burning in my throat for a while. He continues: ¡±So I had to act like an idiot, because if you hated me it would make it easier for me. Believe me, I know it¡¯s selfish of me.¡± I remember one of the reasons why I am hating him these days, I look at his arm and he follows my gaze and immediately understands: ¡±That was pretty dumb too.¡± I avert my eyes and go to say: ¡±Look¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡±I just know that making you hate me is horrible. I don¡¯t want you to keep looking at me like that.¡± ¡±What way?¡± ¡±As if everything we¡¯ve ever had was a mistake.¡± I look at him for a moment, take a deep breath, and say: ¡±It was a mistake, Yan.¡± He looks down for a while and looks really sad. I don¡¯t like to say it like this, but I also know that we have to stop. I want my life back, the way it was, and if we don¡¯t stop for good, it¡¯s not going to happen. I continue: ¡±I¡¯m dating your brother, you¡¯re dating Tracy. I don¡¯t hate you, I just hate the fact that I¡¯m attracted to you and if you don¡¯t cooperate, it¡¯s hard for me too. We already tried it your way and it didn¡¯t seem to work, so let¡¯s try it my way?¡± he asks: ¡±And what would that be?¡± Leave things as they are, forget what we¡¯ve already had, and move on with the people we choose. He takes a deep breath, then answers: ¡±All right.¡± I give him a weak smile and say: ¡±Now I really need to go.¡± He leads the way and I follow without looking back. My heart is tight and I wish I hadn¡¯t kept looking at his mouth and remembering how good that kiss was. I really am the shit myself. ¡±No tattoo at all.¡± I turn around and Yan is looking at me. This takes me by surprise. He adds: ¡±This will always be something I did just for you.¡± I¡¯m too surprised to say anything. Why does he always have to say the right thing and leave me like this? I whimper. He¡¯s wearing sunsses, standing where I left him, and he looks at me for a while, then turns and walks away. I continue to stand looking in his direction as he walks away. I return home after work and while I shower I can¡¯t stop thinking about the conversation I had earlier today with Yan. Maybe now we can finally move on and put all this behind us, that¡¯s what I really want. I think. Damn it, I hate not being sure about this, especially when I meet him. ¡­ ¡±Matt: I won¡¯t be able toe to your apartment today.¡± ¡±Matt: Too much work¡± ¡±Me: I have to study too¡± ¡±Matt: See you tomorrow then¡± ¡±Me: Alright¡± ¡±Matt: Kiss¡± ¡±Me: Kiss¡± Matt won¡¯t be able to sleep over and I can¡¯te over because I have a test early tomorrow morning and I have to study. I¡¯ll stay in the books until midnight and then I¡¯ll go to sleep. ¡­. As soon as I get out of college I go straight to work, because I have to put some books that are bothering me (in that little cubicle I call my own at work) in a box and bring them to my apartment. I arrive in front of my building and see that it is already 5:30 in the afternoon. The traffic was horrible and I still have to carry this box to my floor. I stare at it on the floor for a while, trying to get up the courage to do this. I take a deep breath. My back is going to hate this. I lift the box up and realize that it is heavier than I thought. ¡±I¡¯ll help you.¡± I turn around to find Yan standing behind me. He is wearing a red cap with the brim back, reminding me that he is only eighteen years old anyway. He lifts the box, as if it doesn¡¯t weigh more than half a pound. I don¡¯t have much of a reaction. I didn¡¯t expect to run into him today. So I just say: ¡±You around here?¡± He smiles and I catch myself looking at his mouth again, but I disguise it. He says: ¡±Remember I said Tracy lives nearby?¡± I nod my head affirmatively. He continues: ¡±So, I was there. I made an appointment with Kyle to meet me at a bar nearby and he is waiting for me so we can go to the skate park.¡± I just smile and he says: ¡±So, where do you want to take this?¡± I run my hand over my eyebrow to disguise the difort of being here together again and answer: ¡±Upstairs, to my apartment.¡± He smiles and says: ¡±Can we go then?¡± ¡±I can take¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡±Is that serious?¡± I¡¯m speechless. I don¡¯t want the two of us alone, but I can¡¯t say that. It sounds childish. And if I want to make this work I have to get back to feelingfortable around him, because whether I like it or not he¡¯ll always be around. He¡¯s still waiting for an answer, so I say, pointing forward: ¡±All right, then.¡± The doorman warns us that the elevator is having problems, so we take the stairs. Yan goes ahead with the box and I say the first thing thates to mind to end this awkward silence: ¡±I should visit Tracy, but I guess our schedules don¡¯t match.¡± He just turns and smiles saying: ¡±Yep¡± The silence returns, but fortunately, we are standing in front of my apartment now. I step in front of him and open the door. He enters after me and we stare at each other for a while. He raises his eyebrows and I say: ¡±What?¡± Heughs and says: ¡±Where do I put this?¡± ¡±Oh,, right there on that table in the center.¡± I close my eyes as he turns away and taps my forehead mentally saying: ¡°Stop acting like that girl!¡± He turns around and I put a dull smile on my face and say: ¡±Thank you very much indeed, Yan.¡± He just smiles sideways. We stand facing each other and after a few awkward seconds again, I say going into the kitchen: ¡±Do you want anything juice, water?¡± Water¡¯s fine. ¡±I¡¯ll get it in a minute.¡± He stays in the living room, while I put water in a ss and then take it to him. He drinks the water but doesn¡¯t take his eyes off me. This makes me somewhat ufortable. He finishes drinking the water, thanks to me, and hands me back the ss. He smiles and says: ¡±Good, I think I¡¯ll be right there.¡± Thank you again, Yan. He smiles, I think he understands that I am thanking him for leaving too. I just wish he would stop biting that smile like that. Damn it! I breathe a sigh of relief as he turns and heads toward the door. I follow him so that I can close the door, but he says turning around: ¡±I need to try this again.¡± I question: ¡±Try what?¡± I don¡¯t even finish my sentence and he has his mouth on mine. As I let go of the kiss, I realize how much I missed it. I knew I needed something that I didn¡¯t know what it was, and it¡¯s horrible to admit to myself that it was his lips.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. He squeezes me tighter and tighter as we deepen our lips as if we are hungry for each other. When I pull away from him I don¡¯t look into his eyes, I just put my hands on his chest and we stay like this for a few seconds. I know he¡¯s looking at me, but I don¡¯t want to look back. He would know how I feel, in fact I think from the way I held him and how my mouth showed it was eager for him, I think he has an idea now. I dare to look into his eyes that I know are in mine for a split second before I turn and walk towards the kitchen. I close my eyes for a while as I hold the sink steady with both hands. I don¡¯t want to think. The way I always do. But this time I can¡¯t because he¡¯s right behind me. My breathing is still heavy because I am beginning to realize that maybe I like him. I squeeze my eyes shut even harder in frustration with myself. I don¡¯t want to feel this. But as I think about it, I feel something else. His hands were around my waist. I hold my breath for a second. He¡¯s hugging me from behind, with his body pressed against mine and his head resting on my shoulder near my neck. He doesn¡¯t say anything for a few seconds, just takes a deep breath the way I am too. He raises a hand pulls my hair away and kisses my neck. I feel my body shiver. He says softly in my ear: ¡±You have goosebumps, see you want me too.¡± I bite my lips and say trying not to sound affected: ¡±It¡¯s just cold.¡± Heughs again, and I don¡¯t want to mention what the sound of hisughter does to my body, one part in particr and he slips his hand under my skirt and slowly works his way up leaving me totally out of control as he says: ¡±You want me¡­¡± He takes a deep breath, ces his fingers slowly inside my panties, andpletes: ¡±Inside you.¡± Chapter 22 My breathing fails for a few seconds. I swear. I turn to him, look into his eyes, look for myst drop of resistance, and say: ¡±Yan, you promised¡­¡± He holds my waist now, pushes his body slowly against mine, and says,ing closer to my mouth: ¡±Yeah, I¡¯m not good with promises.¡± We are kissing again. And again I can¡¯t pull him away from me, because I want to kiss him. I feel his hand on my back as he unzips my skirt and I don¡¯t care, as long as he doesn¡¯t stop kissing me. The night is drawing in, but we don¡¯t bother to turn on the lights. We are walking through the house as we bump into furniture and my skirt has just fallen to my feet. He grabs my buttocks, making me even more glued to his body. And feeling how needy he is for me, makes me pull away from him for a second biting my lips and he says: ¡±My God that is so sexy¡­ Your mouth is so sexy¡­ You are so sexy.¡± He brings his lips back to mine as he smiles. My stomach twitches. I know it¡¯s weird, but something good to feel. I don¡¯t want to think now. Just feel. I want to allow myself to feel it because it feels so good. We arrive at my couch. We sit down without separating our mouths. I turn to him, one knee resting on the sofa. He gets rid of his shirt, I like this, I love this. Hees back to my mouth. I feel him undo the buttons of my white shirt, if I didn¡¯t know him better, I¡¯d say he was nervous, his fingers look shaky, I like that too. When he finishes with the buttons, he steps back for a moment and looks at me. His hand is on my waist now, he runs his fingers there for a moment and slowly moves up. I close my eyes for a second. His eyes follow his hand as it slowly moves up my body. He slips his hand under the fabric of my bra and his eyes meet mine. He swallows hard and says: ¡±You are so perfect.¡± We kiss again, and before I know it, we are lying on my couch. He is on top of me, between my legs kissing me and rubbing himself painfully slow against my body. I guess I¡¯m not thinking straight because I¡¯m enjoying this and my hand has just found the zipper of his jeans. After a few seconds and my struggle to get rid of his boxer shorts and not move away from his mouth he stands up and says: ¡±I need to get rid of this.¡± He stands up and gets rid of his pants as quickly as possible. He then gets back up on his knee and looks at me. I don¡¯t look so confident about it anymore when his mouth is no longer on mine. He notices this. He looks sad. I hate to see him like this. I speak after a long time without saying a word since this has begun: ¡±I must, not think.¡± He looks at me for a while, then holds my foot starts kissing my leg, and slowly works his way up. I close my eyes, okay I guess it¡¯s working because I want him to go up and kiss my whole body. He takes a moment when he reaches my waist. He stops for a moment, looks at me, and says: ¡±I can do something that will make you not think.¡± He smiles in that naughty way. Okay. My heartbeat has increased considerably now. Just gasping when I hear him say this sounds like a free pass to him because my panties are being pulled off my body and I can only close my eyes. But when his mouthes back on my body and he takes a few seconds at my belly button and slowly moves down, I find that I am very anxious for him to get lower and lower. And he does. And how he does. He does it a lot. I can¡¯t think very well and that¡¯s what I wanted. But I can still reason that no one has evere close to doing what he is doing. I think I¡¯m already moaning louder than I ever have before and that just makes him work even harder with his tongue. I think I¡¯m lost. Lost. He then stops and looks at me with a satisfied smileing towards me saying: ¡±Can you moan like that while I kiss you?¡± I don¡¯t answer, because I¡¯m still panting. He then slowly pulls away and reaches into his pants pocket on the floor. He faces me and I realize that he is putting on the condom, but my attention is soon diverted to the taste of his kiss again. He bites my lip and just as I tell him it¡¯s starting to hurt, he enters me all at once, slowly and deeply. I forget what I was going to say as I end up moaning louder than I nned and he smiles and kisses me and he continues to move in this intense, slow way and it gradually breaks me up. A teares down my eye. I don¡¯t let him see it, but each time he moves like this, I realize that maybe I like him more than I thought I would. As my nails sink into his back, he increases his movements, and this is even better. He kisses my neck for a while and I already miss his mouth on mine. He then looks at me and says slowly: ¡±Dammit! Why aren¡¯t you mine?¡± I can¡¯t process what he says, because I am having one of the best orgasms I have ever had in my life. He stays for a few seconds still kissing me on the neck, so I can¡¯t look into his eyes. He has practically just confessed that he wanted me to be his. I am not his. Damn it. This hits me hard. He stands up slowly. He knows what he just said. I know what he just said. Here we are, again, again. Finally, we realize what has happened, but unfortunately when we can¡¯t go back. He sits down, he doesn¡¯t look at me. I sit down, I don¡¯t look at him. I start to cry softly. He looks at me for a few seconds. He takes a deep breath. He doesn¡¯t say anything, just gets up and goes quietly to get dressed. I don¡¯t say anything, I have nothing to say now. I¡¯m so confused. I know he thinks he¡¯s screwed up again. I want to say that it wasn¡¯t all his fault, but I choose not to say anything. There¡¯s a lot more to this than just the two of us. There is silence. Only my low cry is heard in my apartment. He looks at me again, there are still tears welling up in my eyes. He is sad. He puts on his shirt and slowly walks out the front door. It¡¯s almost half an hour since he left. I know I promised myself that I wouldn¡¯t do it again, but I did. The strange thing is that somehow, today I¡¯m not sorry. On the contrary, I can¡¯t stop thinking about everything that has happened since the time he kissed me by the door. I think it was more because of this that I started to cry because I found out that I feel something for Yan. I hug my knees tightly and stay like this for a while, just thinking. Is it possible to love two people at the same time? After questioning myself for a while, I get up gather my clothes from around the room, and head for the bathroom. The water is running down my body and I am remembering all the parts of my body that he touched. I miss him. I have always missed him and only now do I realize it. And I feel horrible that I let him go like that. But I also can¡¯t forget that I¡¯m not his. I finish my shower, put on my robe, stare at my bed for a while. I don¡¯t feel like putting on any clothes, I don¡¯t feel like eating. I sit on the bed and stay like this for a while. I¡¯m in the middle of some serious shit and the worst part is that I knew it was going toe to this exact point and I couldn¡¯t do anything to change it. I do myself for a while and as I stare at the ceiling I think: ¡°Yan?¡± ¡°Matt?¡± Do I love them both? Could I choose? Could I do this? My cell phone vibrates with a message from Matt saying that he won¡¯t be able toe to my apartment today. I breathe a sigh of relief. It will be better so I can think about all this.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! Chapter 23 My cell phone is ringing. I don¡¯t want to answer it, it¡¯s still too early to wake up on a Saturday. My cell phone rings again. After much listening to this noise, I decided to look at the phone¡¯s screen. It¡¯s Matt. I look at the screen and there are about twenty calls, how strange. I sit up in bed. And before I can redial his number, he is calling me again. I answer in a sleepy voice and whine at the same time: ¡±Hey Matt, why are you calling me so early?¡± He just says: ¡±Can youe here?¡± I sit up in bed. Matt is in a strange voice. I say: ¡±Now?¡± He just says: ¡±Yep. Now.¡± ¡±Is everything okay, Matt? Did something happen? You¡¯re making me worried.¡± He takes a deep breath: ¡±Juste here, Okay?¡± Then he hangs up. I don¡¯t know what to do for a while. Matt is not like this, what could have happened to make him act this way? Maybe Megan made up one of thosest-minute meetings or trips again. I quickly get dressed and order a cab. On the way to Matt¡¯s apartment, I feel a strange tightness inside my chest, as if something bad is happening and it makes me apprehensive. But I have no idea why he¡¯s like that, I¡¯m really worried about him.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! And I¡¯m also worried about having to meet with Yan after what happened yesterday, I¡¯m never prepared for that and today won¡¯t be any different. I get out of the cab and take a deep breath. I need to get in and find out what is going on. I open the door and go inside. Megan is sitting on the couch. What is she doing here so early in the morning? This has to be her. As soon as she sees me she stands up, I greet her and she answers back. I look at her a little confused and ask: ¡±Where is Matt?¡± She looks a little worried, or is it unfunny? When she answers: ¡±In his room.¡± What the fuck is going on here? But I decide not to ask her and go look for him. I follow in that direction. As soon as I pass Yan¡¯s room, I see that it is ajar and there is a silence there, I keep walking. I open the door to Matt¡¯s room. He is sitting on the bed with his head down, he raises his eyes and as soon as he sees me, he looks even sadder. His eyes are red, his hair is messed up, and he just stares at me and says: ¡±Tell me it¡¯s a lie!¡± My heart leaps inside my chest because somehow I think I know what¡¯s going on, even if I don¡¯t want to believe it now. I try to move closer, but he stands up and puts a hand in the air to make me stop, saying: ¡±Just¡­ talk!¡± I am desperate to see him like this, so I question him: ¡±What?¡± He looks me in the eye and I could swear he hates me, so tearse out of my eyes. He says: ¡±Tell me you didn¡¯t sleep with him?¡± My body is frozen, but my face burns like never before and my life. My whole body burns after I realize that he knows. He still stares at me and I have no reaction, my throat also burns and I don¡¯t know what to say, but I try: ¡±Matt, I¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡±Stop. You don¡¯t have to say anything else.¡± He closes his eyes and I see tears fall down his face. I hate myself. Definitely. He runs his hand through his hair and stands with his back to me as he says: ¡±I knew he couldn¡¯t have made all that up.¡± ¡±He?¡± He must be talking about Yan. But I don¡¯t understand. I¡¯m too desperate right now to think about what Yan did. More tears fall from my eyes. I move toward him and hug him from behind. I feel his body tremble. His arms are still at his sides and I am dying inside for being the reason he is like this. I want to apologize in every possible way, but I know it won¡¯t do any good now. But I insist: ¡±Matt forgive me, please, I love you, I love you so much¡­¡± He just says: ¡±Please stay away from me.¡± I hold him even tighter while repeating over and over again that I love him. But he holds my wrists tight and pulls them away from his body slowly. He turns to me, I have never seen that look before, he has never looked at me like that as if he doesn¡¯t know me and it breaks me up. He says: ¡±Do you have any idea how I am feeling right now?¡± ¡±Matt¡­¡± He stares at me and I see even more anger on his face, somehow I know I deserve and need to hear anything he wants to say to me before I try to convince him that I love him and forgive me. ¡±You slept with my brother all this time and¡­¡± ¡±But it was only twice.¡± This sounds even worse when said out loud and I know and realize it, even more, when he looks even angrier and punches the table on the side of the bed. I shudder and cry even more. I have never seen him like this, losing control is not Matt¡¯s thing. He stares for a while, looking down at where his hand is. There is silence in the room and all we can hear are my sobs. He just says: ¡±You broke it all Sky. You¡¯re done with me.¡± I can¡¯t stand to hear it, I go towards him again, but he won¡¯t let me hug him. He just tells me: ¡±Go away!¡± He takes a deep breath andpletes: ¡±I swear I don¡¯t want to say things to you that I¡¯ll regretter!¡± I walk away slowly. Despite everything I¡¯ve done, he still thinks about not hurting me. I cry even more because I realize the biggest shit I¡¯ve ever done in my life, which was cheating on him. Chapter 24 I open the door. I look back. He is still looking at me, but as soon as I look directly into his eyes, he turns and goes to sit on the bed with his back to me. I wish I could go back in time now and erase everything wrong I¡¯ve done, but unfortunately, I can¡¯t do that. As I close the door to his room, I stand with my back to the door for a few seconds, and with my eyes closed, I take a deep breath and realize that this is happening. I am losing everything, my life is in chaos and it is all my fault. I take another deep breath and head for the exit. Megan is still in the kitchen and looks at me, but says nothing. And I wonder why she is here? Did Matt call her? Before I open the door, I nce again at his bedroom door, hoping that he wille after me, but I realize that it would be stupid of me to imagine. It¡¯s not going to happen. I open the door and just as I am about to leave, I see Megan heading in the direction of his room. ¡­ I call a cab to go to my apartment and get the hell out of here because I just want to go upstairs again and try to convince Matt one more time to forgive me, but I know I have to give him a break now and hope he wants to talk to me one more time. On the way back home, I wouldn¡¯t know how to describe what I am feeling, it is a mixture of sadness with hate, and the hate I know exactly who I am feeling for. Besides the fact that I cried almost the whole way and tried to disguise it when the taxi driver looked at me through the mirror when I get home I copse and it happens as soon as I close the door behind me. ¡±It was all so good, everything was so perfect and¡­ Now¡­¡± As I say this out loud to myself, I cry even more, because I realize that there is no turning back now. I know that I deserve this, I deserve to cry every tear that I am crying because it is all my fault. I don¡¯t know what I was thinking when I didn¡¯t think about the possibilities of when Matt finds out about this. I guess I never really thought about how it would hurt him. Now I know and it was far worse than anything I had ever imagined in this life. I hurt in the worst way the person who did nothing but the best for my life. I take a ss of water to try to calm myself and think about what to do. But I always knew what to do from the time Matt told me that ¡°he couldn¡¯t have made all that up¡±. I don¡¯t have his number, but I have Kyle¡¯s. So I do what I have to do: ¡±Hey Kyle, can you tell me where I can find Yan?¡± As soon as Kylie told me that Yan was at the skate park, I rushed over. He also told me that Matt and Yan had a fight earlier today and that he brought his stuff into a room here. Max is a little freaked out to see me, well, who wouldn¡¯t be? I look terrible, my eyes are red and puffy, my hair I have no idea what it looks like, and the sleeves of my shirt are all wet because I don¡¯t care much about that at the moment. Max and I are not the best friends in the world and that¡¯s pretty obvious now with this awkward silence while I wait for him to tell me where Yan is. He just says as soon as I ask: ¡±He¡¯s in a back room over there.¡±Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! He points me in the direction and I follow him there. God, I want to finish that guy off right now. I feel like if I tell him everything I want, it will somehow make me more relieved to get rid of him once and for all and try to win Matt back. Matt¡­ Thinking about him and how he¡¯s feeling only makes me hate myself even more and my hate reminds me that I¡¯m like this because of Yan. It¡¯s all his fault. I want to start crying again, but I take a deep breath. I can¡¯t burst into tears right now, I just have to understand why he did it first. I have everything ready in my mind, I want to ask him why he destroyed my life this way and what he might have gained from it all. I stare for a while at the door at the end of the hall. I want to take him by surprise, I don¡¯t want him to have the time to invent anything to try to convince me that he doesn¡¯t even have a heart, because now I am sure that he doesn¡¯t. Then I walk to the door at the end of the hall. So I walk to the door at the end of the hall and open it without knocking. I am ready to ask him what the fuck he just did: ¡±Yan, I just want¡­ Shit!¡± Yan is standing in the middle of the room without any clothes on. I swallow hard. He is standing in the middle of the room, finishing wiping his face with a towel. He just looks at me surprised. I don¡¯t think he expected me here. My eyes go down slowly. I stop breathing for a moment. Damn it, this didn¡¯t start the way I expected. I turn instinctively to the door. ¡±Sky? What are you doing here?¡± I bite my lips. I¡¯m still red and not sure why, at least he can¡¯t see this now. I take a deep breath because I¡¯m always doing that when I¡¯m around him. ¡±We need to talk.¡± ¡±Okay, but¡­¡± I interrupt: ¡±Can you get dressed first?¡± There¡¯s silence for a moment, then he says: ¡±Okay.¡± A whileter I question: ¡±Ready?¡± I hear him take a deep breath and say: ¡±Ready.¡± I turn around. I stare at him for a while. I look right at the part where it¡¯s not covered. And I say: ¡±Can you put a shirt on too?¡± He frowns. Iplete: ¡±Please.¡± He takes a deep breath and grabs a shirt from the bed. Why the hell haven¡¯t I started saying everything I want to say yet? I don¡¯t know. Hees toward me and asks: ¡±How did you find me here?¡± I pluck up courage: ¡±Why did you do it? Why did you end my life?¡± He stops, especially when he sees my tears start to fall. ¡±What¡¯s it like?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± I go up to him, pointing my finger: ¡±Why did you have to ruin everything? Matt hates me now!¡± He doesn¡¯t say anything, just looks at me scared. My hatred only increases. I start pushing him away with my hands and punching him in his arms and chest. Tearse streaming down my face and I throw even harder punches, which I know don¡¯t do much damage to his body. He just tells me amidst my screams: ¡±Sky, Sky¡­ Stop please, calm down!¡± But I don¡¯t want to calm down. ¡±How could you do this?¡± I cry even more. But he holds me tight in a hug that makes me cry even harder, as I feel my strength drain away. Chapter 25 He hugs me tight. I don¡¯t want him to do this. I try to punch him one more time and ites out weaker than the first few times when he wasn¡¯t holding me like this yet. ¡±I hate you.¡± ¡±Please don¡¯t say that.¡± ¡±I hate you.¡± He pulls away slowly. He has watery eyes when I look into his eyes. I stand firm, I won¡¯t change what I just said. I hate him. Then when I¡¯m still staring at him, I see that the corner of his mouth is red. Someone punched him hard there. I bet it was Matt. But I don¡¯t care about that, I just want to know one thing: ¡±Tell me, why?¡± Heughs, but as if he doesn¡¯t believe what I just asked.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! ¡±Do you think I¡­¡± He runs his hands over his face and continues: ¡±I did it for you, Sky!¡± I am in disbelief now: ¡±How¡¯s that? For me?¡± He stares at me and then moves a little closer: ¡±You were dying inside with all this.¡± I¡¯m speechless now. He continues: ¡±Yesterday, after we¡­¡± This puts me off because I remember well how we were yesterday and I know he does too. He continues: ¡±You were crying. I hated seeing you like that. I just wanted you to¡­¡± He takes a deep breath: ¡±I had to tell Matt because then you would make a decision and¡­¡± I interrupt: ¡±And you think you had the right to do that?¡± ¡±Would you do that?¡± ¡±My God, Yan, you¡¯re so selfish! At no point did you think about my reaction or Matt¡¯s, you always think only of yourself!¡± I turn my back for a while, I can¡¯t look at his face anymore. I say more to myself than to him: ¡±How could I have thought I was in love with you?¡± Hees over to me, faces me, and says: ¡±Really?¡± He holds my chin. I take his hand away and say: ¡±I¡¯m such an idiot.¡± ¡±No, you¡¯re not.¡± I look into his eyes and for a moment I want to forget this anger I¡¯m feeling towards him, but I can¡¯t. ¡±My life has been total shit since you got here.¡± ¡±I know I¡¯ve done a lot of shit. Damn, my brother hates me now.¡± He stops for a while, then continues: ¡±I know I wanted you to hate me many times and I worked hard for it, but deep down I just wanted you to like me¡­ That¡­¡± He looks down: ¡±To love me.¡± He looks into my eyes, he looks dull now. I question: ¡±Why?¡± ¡±Because I love you.¡± My God, how can he y with me like that? I know I¡¯m just another girl on his list, a girl he¡¯ll say he loves, just to be in control and then screw up my life like he¡¯s already doing. I walk away from him. ¡±Oh my God, I¡¯m so bewildered.¡± I just want to fix everything and get my life back. The way it was. Hees to me once more and says: ¡±You were suffering, Sky, you needed to make a choice.¡± I turn to him: ¡±How could you think that I would have to make a choice?¡± He looks devastated to hear this. Iplete: ¡±I would choose Matt thousand times over.¡± I don¡¯t look back, I don¡¯t care about his reaction. I don¡¯t care, I just want to get out of here as soon as possible. Get away from this selfish guy, who doesn¡¯t think about the consequences of his shitty actions. I pass Max as I leave the hall. He doesn¡¯t say anything, I much less, but I see him heading in the direction of Yan¡¯s room just as I leave. ¡­ When I get home I call Matt¡¯s cell phone several times, but he doesn¡¯t answer. I lie down on the bed and don¡¯t even bother to take off my sandals. My world is over. All I can think about is how selfish Yan was to tell Matt everything, hoping for some benefit of his own. ¡°I love you.¡± How can he lie so well by looking me in the face? He loves no one but himself. I cry even more. I wake up and look at the clock. It is already eight o¡¯clock at night. I feel weak, I need to eat something, the problem is that I¡¯m not hungry. I take a shower while thesagna is being heated in the microwave. I turn on the TV, but nothing is interesting on, and even if there was, today I don¡¯t care for it. I find a tranquilizer that was prescribed to me a few months ago when I had a stress crisis and I end up taking one of them so that I can sleep. ¡­ When I wake up, I see that it is already ten o¡¯clock in the morning. I stare at the ceiling for a while. I don¡¯t feel better, on the contrary, I think I am worse than yesterday. I reach for my cell phone, hoping that Matt has called me, but there is nothing. I make myself a cup of coffee to feel more awake and less sleepy, a fucking side effect of tranquilizers. I feel like a zombie, not only outside, but inside too. I turn on the TV, I need some background noise or I will just listen to my thoughtsin to me for being so stupid and doing so many stupid things thesest months. I sit down on the couch, while I drink my cup of coffee. Someone knocks on the door. My heart leaps. It must be Matt. I feel happy for a moment as I run to the door and open it to Yan. My smile vanishes. I just stare at him. I think it¡¯s obvious on my face how disappointed I am. He looks at me sadly. He doesn¡¯t look like he had the best night¡¯s sleep either. But I won¡¯t feel sorry, because we know whose fault it is that we are like this. I won¡¯t pretend to him that I was expecting him, because I know he knows that the smile that greeted him was not for him. ¡±Yan, what are you doing here?¡± ¡±I need to talk to you.¡± ¡±We¡¯ve already said what we need to say.¡± I go to close the door, but he puts his hand on the door to stop it before I can do that. I take a deep breath. I¡¯m not ying games today. I use irony, maybe he¡¯ll finally understand: ¡±Look, why don¡¯t you go stay with Tracy, your girlfriend?¡± He looks at me even less funny and says: ¡±Because we broke up.¡± This takes me by surprise. I say nothing and he just continues: ¡±That afternoon before I helped you with the books.¡± He still looks at me. I won¡¯t deny that it moved me. But I also remind myself that I am immune to him now and his little games. ¡±All right, so what do you want?¡± ¡±Can Ie in?¡± ¡±No.¡± He looks at me startled and surprised at the same time. I soften. ¡±I think it¡¯s better, no.¡± He looks disappointed all the same, but I stand my ground. He says: ¡±I just came to tell you that¡­¡± He takes a deep breath and continues: ¡±I came to apologize for what I caused you. I¡¯m just¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± He looks down. The bad thing is that I can¡¯t believe anything he says. ¡±It¡¯s a littlete for that, Yan.¡± He looks me in the eye again. He¡¯s none of that confident guy who always has something to say. I wonder where his huge ego is hiding now. Iplete: ¡±And well, Matt is hating me now and there¡¯s no turning back and¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡±I wanted to talk about that too.¡± Somehow he has my attention and he continues: ¡±I can talk to him, take all the me, and ask him toe back to you.¡± I stare at him now. ¡±Why would Yan do that for me?¡± Chapter 26 I even get excited about the idea, but I don¡¯t make it that obvious. The problem is that I don¡¯t trust him anymore, he might mess up again, as he has already done. So I say: ¡±I just think, you¡¯d better stay out of this Yan, please.¡± He still looks at me confused. Did he think thating here to promise me all this would change my mind and make me like him again? He¡¯s quite wrong about that. Well, if he did, he thought wrong. He takes another deep breath. He takes a few steps back and turns around, looks at me, and says: ¡±Is that what you want? Do you want me to stay away from you?¡± I wipe my eyes for a moment. I¡¯m not up for a scene today. Then I just shake my head in the affirmative. He looks sad to me now. He goes toward the stairs, I don¡¯t even look and close the door. The problem is that as soon as he leaves I burst into tears. Seeing him just makes me remember everything that happened and I feel horrible again. ¡­ One weekter¡­ I still can¡¯t get used to this routine without Matt and without talking to him. My cell phone rings. I¡¯m in no hurry to answer it because I¡¯ve given up hope that it¡¯s him calling me. I put my bag with my college books on the couch and reach for my cell phone. My biggest surprise is when I see that it¡¯s Matt. My heart leaps in my chest, I take a deep breath and answer: ¡±Matt?¡± ¡±Oh, hi Sky.¡±Material ? of N?velDrama.Org. My heart speeds up even more, but I try to sound calm: ¡±How are you?¡± There is a short silence and he says: ¡±I¡¯m just calling to let you know that I¡¯ve put your things in some boxes and am sending them to your apartment.¡± I didn¡¯t see thating and ask: ¡±What do you mean?¡± He doesn¡¯t answer, he just takes a deep breath and I continue: ¡±Matt, for God¡¯s sake, we need to talk!¡± He just looks apathetic when he says: ¡±We¡¯ve already talked Sky.¡± But I insist: ¡±No! You need toe over here and talk to me¡­¡± I hear Megan¡¯s voice: ¡°Matt, do you want me to buy coffee?¡± My anger is clear as I hear her voice and I question: ¡±What is she doing there? Does she happen to live with you now?¡± He just says: ¡±Megan is helping me a lot and¡­¡± I interrupt him: ¡±It sounds like she¡¯s been helping you for a long time, doesn¡¯t it?¡± ¡±Don¡¯t talk about her like that, you have no right.¡± He stops and takes a deep breath. I hate itself, I want to finish her off now. He says: ¡±Listen, I won¡¯t deny that she tried to kiss me on one of our trips¡­¡± ¡±I knew it!¡± ¡±I didn¡¯t break up! Nothing happened, I didn¡¯t allow it, and do you know why? Because I had a girlfriend and I loved her too much to do something like that!¡± I¡¯m speechless. Loved her? ¡±Matt¡­¡± ¡±I already exined the reason for my call, so goodbye Sky.¡± I¡¯m out of breath now. He adds: ¡±And please¡­ Don¡¯t look for me anymore.¡± The ground seems to be opening up under my feet. Sometimeter my things are delivered in two boxes to my apartment. I don¡¯t even open them to check. I sit on the couch and stare at the boxes in front of me. It¡¯s like it¡¯s living proof that Matt is noting back to me, I¡¯m not going to his apartment anymore, and I¡¯m not going to be a part of his life anymore. I wanted to cry, but I don¡¯t think I can even cry anymore. ¡­ ¡­ A few dayster¡­ I have been feeling so empty and this feeling apanies me in college, at work, at home, always. Lucy certainly notices this and while we are having coffee, she asks: ¡±Are you still feeling bad about Matt?¡± I look at her as if my sadness already affirms it. She takes a long sip of her tea and says: ¡±I don¡¯t want to discourage you, but I hear he¡¯s been seen a lot with Megan.¡± Lucy has mutual friends with Matt and hearing this makes me sad, but I should expect that. ¡±I¡¯m not saying this to make you sad friend. I just don¡¯t want you to be like this.¡± Iugh weakly and say: ¡±I know. It¡¯s just that it¡¯s still hard.¡± She says: ¡±I understand.¡± We continue drinking our tea. She interrupts my mental tour of the nights I went out with Matt to some restaurants I loved. ¡±What about his cat brother? I hear he left.¡± This takes me by surprise, I hadn¡¯t heard or wanted to talk about Yan all these days. ¡±I know he was the cause for you guys breaking up, but don¡¯t you.¡± I twist my face. ¡±Can we not talk about it?¡± She smiles and says: ¡±Of course. Forget it.¡± She finishes her tea and says: ¡±I¡¯ve got to hurry that process along, I¡¯ll go ahead. Are you going to be okay?¡± I smile to cheer her up. ¡±I¡¯ll be fine, I¡¯ll be there in a minute.¡± She kisses my forehead and leaves. A few minutester, I finish my tea. I¡¯m looking at the street through the ss of the door and see a guy passing by on a skateboard. I don¡¯t like the way I feel. ¡­ ¡±I¡¯ve been dreaming about this all this time¡­¡± I question: ¡±That what?¡± Yan smiles biting his lower lip and says: ¡±Take your clothes off again.¡± I can no longer stay away from his lips and only then do I realize how much I have missed it. His handse down slowly and squeeze my ass, a moan escapes my mouth and he smiles on my lips. And I love it when he smiles like that. He slips his hand inside my panties and I know I¡¯m lost again. He kisses me slowly and sensually biting my lips driving me crazy again as he says between kisses: ¡±I love you Sky.¡± I wake up sweating and sit up in bed. My heart is racing. ¡±What the hell!¡± I get up to get a ss of water. In the kitchen with my ss in hand, I stand for a while leaning against the sink behind me. Ever since I heard Lucy say that Yan left, I¡¯ve had repeated dreams about him. I hate it, and I hate it even more how I wake up afterward with this horrible feeling that I don¡¯t know what it is. I don¡¯t feel that anger anymore that I used to feel when I remembered him, and seeing that guy skateboarding past almost every day at the same time, in front of the ce where I drink coffee, doesn¡¯t help me not to think about him. But I don¡¯t want to think about Yan. I don¡¯t. ¡­ ¡±I¡¯ll see you tomorrow, kitten.¡± Lucy says goodbye to me and I wait for my cab. I decide to go to the confectioner¡¯s to get a cupcake. I leave quickly because I see my cabing, but as I leave quickly, I don¡¯t look both ways, so I just feel a guy almost fall on top of me. He asks me if I¡¯m okay and after the scare passes I tell him that I am. He smiles. He has a beautiful smile and his blue eyes match that smile too much. He then picks up his skateboard and moves on. Further ahead he looks back. The taxi driver is waiting for me and I follow in his direction. For the first time in many days, I feel a slight urge to smile. Chapter 27 Lucy is right, Matt is certainly moving on and I should do the same. Even though I don¡¯t feel like doing it at the moment. It¡¯s Friday, I put on jeans and a t-shirt and some makeup to cover up the dark circles under my eyes from a bad night¡¯s sleep, which is all I have on my facetely. Because after I dream about¡­ aff¡­ Yan, I don¡¯t want to sleep anymore, and I can¡¯t. I don¡¯t go to a bar or a pub or a restaurant. I don¡¯t go to a bar or some club, I just go for a walk, because I¡¯m tired of being alone on Friday nights like this. And saying that reminds me of someone¡­ Damn it, I curse myself mentally for thinking about him again. As I walk near a square that is a few blocks away from my building, I feel a cold winding towards me, making me cross my arms look down for a moment, and think a little about my own miserable lonely life. When I raise my eyes again, I see a guy stop his skateboard a few inches away from me, look at me, and smile in surprise. I am surprised too. But in a way, it¡¯s a surprise I like. I ask: ¡±Are you by any chance following me?¡± He smiles, even more, surprised by my question, and says: ¡±No, but I swear I wish I had thought of it.¡± I end upughing. He says: ¡±Well, since we¡¯ve bumped into each other almost twice, I think it¡¯s about time we introduced ourselves.¡± He holds out his hand and says: ¡±I¡¯m Simon.¡± ¡±Skr. Sky.¡± ¡±Right, SkrSky.¡± I end upughing again. He adds: ¡±You look to me like you could use some ice cream. Would you like some ice cream?¡± I look at him trying to understand why he would assume this, but he continues: ¡±Well, I can¡¯t ask you out on a date, because I¡¯m sure you have a boyfriend.¡± I end up with a dull smile now. He closes his eyes for a moment and says fixing his cap with the brim back as if somehow it¡¯s not the right way anymore. ¡±Actually, I know you have a boyfriend.¡± I look up in surprise and he continues: ¡±You¡¯re dating Yan¡¯s brother, aren¡¯t you?¡± Damn, did he have to ruin whatever was going on here by mentioning the name of the one person I don¡¯t want to think about at the moment? Even here, Yan? But even though I don¡¯t want to do that, I question: ¡±Do you know Yan?¡± He looks a little dull now, but says, ¡°Yes: ¡±Yes, I mean, no. Actually, we just hang out at the same skate park. But I haven¡¯t seen him there anymore.¡± At least he doesn¡¯t know what happened. I interrupt: ¡±I¡¯m not dating his brother anymore.¡± Somehow he seems to like hearing that. I continue: ¡±And¡­ I¡¯ll take the ice cream.¡± He smiles even more after hearing me say this. We are sitting in the ice-cream parlor. I like his eyes because it matches his white skin and the strands of straight ck hair that stick out of the sides of his cap, he looks like one of those actors from the TV series I used to watch as a teenager. He is funny, very cute to tell you the truth. He can¡¯t be more than twenty years old and I find myself wondering when I decided to have this thing for young boys. He tells me about his college course and a little about himself. I like listening more than talking. Listening to him makes me forget a little about my life and how dull it has beentely. He also says that he lives nearby, so we leave the ice cream parlor and walk around a bit before I go home. The funny thing is that I don¡¯t want to go home, everything is quiet and lonely there and it doesn¡¯t make me feel good at all. ¡±You should try skateboarding.¡± He looks at me to see my reaction. I end upughing and say: ¡±I already tried to teach myself once.¡± Then I think of Yan again tonight, even though I don¡¯t even make an effort to. Shit, Sky. He questions: ¡±So what?¡± I just answer: ¡±So it didn¡¯t work out so well.¡± Heughs, I end up smiling too. I go to try to change the subject, but when I open my mouth he says first: ¡±I live over there.¡± He points to a corner and I see a door on the side of that narrow street. He walks on. I follow him, not sure why. After a few steps, we are standing in front of his door. He steps on his skateboard and holds it propped up on the ground with one hand. He is about to say something, and I walk over to him and kiss his mouth. He looks surprised for a moment. But soon he is kissing me back. He is leaning against the wall and I guess I wasn¡¯t thinking very well when I started to kiss him. So I quickly pull away. I¡¯m too embarrassed to look him in the eye, so I don¡¯t do that. But he just says: ¡±Wow. Well¡­¡± I interrupt him: ¡±I¡¯m sorry, Simon¡­¡± I run my hands over my eyes for a moment and continue: ¡±I guess I was just in need of¡­ physical¡­ human¡­ contact.¡± This is a stupid thing to say, and I regret it as soon as I finish speaking. But heughs, andughs graciously, then says: ¡±Huh, all right. Do you want toe in?¡± I just say: ¡±I think I¡¯d better go home.¡± He insists: ¡±I can take you if you want¡­¡±Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. I just say: ¡±No, it¡¯s right across the street, you don¡¯t have to.¡± I smile so he can beforted. He just nods. I start to follow, but turn around when he says: ¡±Look, when you need, I don¡¯t know, more physical human contact, I¡¯ll be here.¡± He is smiling and I just nod, he seems to enjoy what has happened. I like the way he is. Chapter 28 But what was I thinking when I kissed him? Oh yes, I just wanted to stop thinking. I didn¡¯t want to think about anything. Especially about ¡­ Yan. What the hell is happening to me these days? I was so much better before I knew he was gone. I wanted him to go, didn¡¯t I? I asked him to do it. So why do I keep thinking about him now? Dreaming about him? And this horrible emptiness that won¡¯t go away? As soon as I get home, I go to the bathroom and look at my sleeping pills, I give up and stare for a while in the mirror. I take a deep breath, I¡¯m not going to be dependent on these drugs that give me a hangover, just because I can¡¯t deal with these silly dreams. ¡­ I wake up with my heart racing again. In my dream, I was kissing someone, but it wasn¡¯t Simon, it was Yan. But I¡¯m not crying out of sadness, or hate, I¡¯m crying because I miss him. And it seems that only now do I realize it. Damn it, Yan! I speak loudly, but I know he can¡¯t hear me. My God, how could I have asked him to leave? How could I say those things to him? What am I going to do now? I don¡¯t even have a way to talk to him. I cry even more. ¡­ I wake up that way, my particr zombie way. I sip my coffee lightly. The scene of Yan turning around and heading for the stairs doesn¡¯t want to leave my thoughts. The memories of the two of us insist on invading my thoughts during the day and make me miss all that even more, the little we had and the way only he made me feel in life. I need to do something. ¡­ I arrive at the skate park. It seems so much less fun when he¡¯s not here. I take a deep breath and walk over to a girl and ask for Max. ¡±He¡¯s not here. He left with Kylie and they won¡¯t be back until Monday.¡± It¡¯s Shane¡¯s voice right behind me. I turn around and say: ¡±Oh, hi.¡± She doesn¡¯t sound happy to see me. But I have to have some information about Yan. ¡±Shane, do you remember me?¡± ¡±Of course, how could I forget that Yan left because of you?¡± It kills me. Hearing about him kills me. I just say: ¡±Can I talk to you?¡± ¡±You¡¯re already talking.¡± ¡±Anywhere else?¡± He rolls his eyes but asks me to follow her. We arrive at a spot away from the skateboard track. I start as soon as she stops and faces me: ¡±Please, Shane, I need to know where Yan is.¡± She smiles wryly. I ignore her. She says: ¡±Don¡¯t you think you¡¯ve already done enough damage in his life?¡± ¡±I know, but¡­¡± ¡±He was devastated.¡± I say nothing and she continues: ¡±He got even worse after he came back from his apartment. Damn, I asked him not to go there.¡± ¡±I regret it so much¡­¡± She interrupts me: ¡±You know, at least after I went begging you to stay with him, he came back different.¡± ¡±Different?¡± ¡±Yep. When he left, he went on hating you.¡± ¡±What?¡± ¡±He told me he hated you for what you were making him feel.¡± It destroys me inside. ¡±You had a chance to have the best guy in the world and you blew it.¡± All I can say is: ¡±I have to go.¡± She still says after I turn around: ¡±You wanted to have both and now you¡¯re left with no one.¡± I don¡¯t even see myself leaving, I just don¡¯t want to hear her repeat that Yan hates me now, because it¡¯s too bad and it¡¯s killing me little by little.Material ? of N?velDrama.Org. The aires out burning my throat and it¡¯s hard to breathe, I want to cry but I won¡¯t do it while I¡¯m in range of her eyes. Damn, Shane. The problem is that she¡¯s right, I wanted them both and now I¡¯m alone. I hate this, I hate that Yan hates me and I hate that I had this conversation with Shane because it hurts even more to know all this. I spend Saturday evening at home under the covers, wanting to go back in time and fix everything between me and Yan. The problem is that I can¡¯t do that anymore. I wake up on Sunday a little too early for someone who always woke up at ten in the morning. It is cold, so I get my nket and go to the living room to watch TV shows. I don¡¯t stay long on the couch, because I woke up very hungry. Something rare these days. I prepare a coffee and some bread rolls that I bought yesterday. In the afternoon I decide to make a video call with Katy because I am missing her a lot these days. We talked on the phone and I exined to her everything that happened. At first, she asked me why I didn¡¯t tell her how I felt about Yan when she was with him, but I told her that I didn¡¯t even know if I felt that way about him. I lied. I think I always knew, I think I fell in love with him from the first time I saw him. Ever since that morning that I got under the covers with him, my heart never stopped racing when I met him. ¡±Are you feeling better?¡± ¡±Yep, I am.¡± ¡±You shoulde to stay with me for a few days, Sky.¡± ¡±I can¡¯t miss work, Katy.¡± We talk a little more about how she¡¯s doing and she tells me she¡¯s dating. I¡¯m happy for Katy, she deserves the best guy in the world. After a long time of talking, I say goodbye and turn on the TV again. Watching romantic movies when you are not so good at romance is not a good idea. I am already crying in the first scene. As the result, I cried through the whole movie. I decide to take a hot bath. But if I wanted to take a shower to forget Yan for a moment, here I am thinking again about him and the day he walked into the same bathroom as me in his room. I should have gone out and grabbed him. Then I start thinking about all the times I should have done it, and there were many. I should have chosen between the two of them right from the start. I should have chosen Yan. I sit down on the bed, still in my towel. I look away and say: ¡±I love you, Yan.¡± The problem is that he can¡¯t hear me. And I cry again. I¡¯m desperate. ¡­ The week drags on slowly. I haven¡¯t dared to go talk to Max, for fear that he would just confirm what Shane told me and I don¡¯t know if I can hear all that again. ¡­ Another lonely Friday night, I¡¯m going to freak out from how lonely I feel, empty. I need someone to hang out with, talk to, but I¡¯m not going out with any of my mutual friends with Matt, they probably already know about us. And I don¡¯t want to go out with my friends from college and have to spend the whole night exining why I¡¯m without Matt if they¡¯ve always seen us together. I think I already know where I want to go. ¡­ It¡¯s drizzling outside here and as soon as he opens the door, he looks surprised. ¡±Sky?¡± I just say: ¡±I need human physical contact.¡± He just smiles and says: ¡±I¡¯ll be happy to help you.¡± Chapter 29 I don¡¯t wait for him to say another word and run to his mouth. I like that Simon doesn¡¯t mind when I kiss him by surprise. I like that he kisses me as if he has been waiting for this for a long time because I am doing it the same way. I stop for a moment, trying to breathe normally again, but he just stares at me confused and still breathing hard. I say: ¡±I¡¯m sorry.¡± He questions: ¡±For what?¡± I get a little embarrassed, but answer: ¡± I think I¡¯m just using you to keep my mind off another guy.¡± He surprises me when he says: ¡±I guess I don¡¯t care.¡± We look at each other for a moment and then kiss again. His house is dimly lit and there is a firece in the corner, but I¡¯m not worried about that right now. I am more concerned about getting his shirt off his body. He finally gets rid of his shirt and let¡¯s just say I get a good view, actually a great view. I stare longingly at his abdomen. Tattoos? That has to be Karma. He has a drawing of a dragon that starts on his left shoulder, goes down the back of his arm, and ends on a part in front of his abdomen. It doesn¡¯t end, you can¡¯t see the end of the drawing because it¡¯s a little below the waistband of his jeans. I wonder if he did this on purpose so that the girls will want to see where it ends and I have an idea where it is. He catches me staring longingly at that ending that is not the ending. I no longer have that crazy urge to grab him from seconds ago. I think he realizes this and says: ¡±It¡¯s Yan, isn¡¯t it?¡± He takes me by surprise when he says this. I look at him for a moment, a bit dull, and say: ¡±I think I¡¯d better leave¡­¡± He doesn¡¯t wait for me to finish and says: ¡±I saw you talking to Yan at his girlfriend¡¯s birthday party.¡± Damn it, Yan. Even now, at a moment like this? I still look at him nkly. I¡¯m in no mood for anything, but he says: ¡±I don¡¯t want to know what happened.¡± He looks shy now and says: ¡±Just don¡¯t go away¡­ Will you stay with me?¡± I don¡¯t say anything back, but he takes that as a yes and smiles satisfied saying: ¡±I¡¯ll get us something to drink.¡± He heads for the kitchen. I keep looking at his back and there are more tattoos. I whimper. I think I¡¯ve discovered a thing for tattoos too. Tattoos. Yan. Yan. Tattoos. I run my hands over my eyes. I have to not think. But it¡¯s hard. I hear him say from the kitchen: ¡±You can sit there and make yourselffortable, I¡¯ll be right there.¡± Simon returns with a bottle of wine and two sses. This is no good. Alcohol. Sky. Sky. Alcohol. But I ept anyway and we have a few sses. He sits down next to me and I want to take my eyes off the guy¡¯s abdomen, but it¡¯s kind of hypnotic trying to figure out how and where this tattoo ends. Things are already starting to spin slowly and I want tough at anything he says, so I think it¡¯s time to stop. I am not drunk, but aerial enough to say: ¡±I need to see how and where your tattoo ends.¡± Heughs. But I¡¯m still serious and curious. He just steps back a little, opens his arms, and says: ¡±Make yourselffortable.¡± I am surprised and anxious at the same time. Shame is far from a part of me now, after these sses of wine. I bite my lips with a smile. I watch him take a deep breath. I ce my hands on the waistband of his pants and slowly pull them away from his body. I whimper. Because I can¡¯t see. I look at him and he just raises his eyebrows. He says: ¡±Wow. You give up too quickly on things.¡± Hearing this I remember that I didn¡¯t dare to go see Max. That is, I gave up on the guy I love for fear of hearing someone say that he hates me. I start to cry. Simones up to me and says: ¡±I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t mean that I just ¡­¡± He hugs me and I cry some more. He says after a while: ¡±Do you want to talk about it?¡± I just answer: ¡±No.¡± We stay like this for a while. I¡¯m not crying anymore, but I still feel sad. He says next to my ear: ¡±Is there anything I can do for you?¡± I just answer: ¡±I just want to not think about anything.¡± He says: ¡±I think I have an idea how to do that.¡± He stands up and takes my hand. I get up too and we are walking down a hallway that leads to a door. I am already starting to think about this, whatever he is going to do. He opens the door and we are in his room. There is a huge bed on which he asks me to sit. Hees right over, looks at me seductively, gets close to my ear, and says: ¡±I think you¡¯re going to love this.¡± I even get a shiver. He moves his lips even closer to my ear and says: ¡±Netflix!¡± I end upughing a lot when I hear this. He seems to be amused to see meughing like this. He sits down next to me picks up a remote turns on the TV, then tells me: ¡±Choose a movie.¡± I question: ¡±Me?¡± He confirms: ¡±Yep. You are the depressed one here.¡± I like that he treats the situation I am in like this, in a light and funny way. Heughs and I end upughing too. ¡±Okay. An action movie. I¡¯m not good with names so you can pick the movie since I picked the genre.¡± He looks satisfied and puts in some movie that I have no idea what it is saying that it is very good. Heys down further upon his bed where there are a bunch of pillows and asks me toe to stay there too because it will be morefortable. The movie starts and I just want to understand how I ended up in the bed of a guy I barely know, to watch a movie that I don¡¯t even understand much. Oh yes, I looked for it, I came after it. The problem is that I am not sorry. He is the bestpany I have had thesest few days. He says after a while: ¡±You are looking at me and not at the movie.¡± I say at the same moment: ¡±You have no shirt on!¡±Material ? of N?velDrama.Org. He looks at me pretending to be surprised when he asks: ¡±Do you think I¡¯m that sexy?¡± I don¡¯t answer and go back to looking at the movie. I roll over on the bed. He looks at me and I ignore him. He walks over to me and makes me lose focus on whatever it is I¡¯m trying to concentrate on so I don¡¯t remember I¡¯m near him and his hot body and says: ¡±Are you not enjoying the movie?¡± I cross my arms and say: ¡±No.¡± He smiles mischievously saying: ¡±So what do you want?¡± He knows what I want. But he continues: ¡±Because we already had the physical contact you came looking for when we kissed earlier.¡± I stare at him for a while. He smiles, I don¡¯t. He looks at my mouth and then says: ¡±Do you have any idea how much I want to fuck you?¡± My body almost screams at this. I instantly get goosebumps and right between my legs¡­ It hurts. I swallow hard. Chapter 30 But he says: ¡±But I¡¯m not going to do that until you ask me, because this is not about me, it¡¯s about you.¡± Was that supposed to be cute in some way? Because it wasn¡¯t. I get out of bed, leaving him not understanding what has just happened. I am at the front door and even though the rain is pouring down I walk down the street and he follows right behind. ¡±Sky, wait!¡± He shouts, I ignore him. He catches up to me and holds me, I try to let go but he puts me against the wall and I have no way out. We are getting soaked and my anger grows, even more, he looks me in the eye and says: ¡±Tell me what is going on?¡± ¡±No, I just feel like an idiot foring here and I hate you.¡± He smiles. I don¡¯t understand. He says: ¡±So what are you thinking about?¡± ¡±How I¡¯m hating you right now.¡± He smiles even more and says: ¡±Great!¡± Only then do I realize what he wanted. And he has seeded. He has disconnected me from my current thoughts. I say nothing and start kissing him again.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. He smiles as he kisses me and says into my mouth: ¡±I think we¡¯d better go inside.¡± We are getting rid of our clothes as we kiss and bump into the furniture, and I free my mind as much as possible to concentrate on the here and now. But that is easy because his hand has just reached inside my panties. I moan loudly. I had no idea how badly I needed this. And he works his fingers in and out of me slowly, while his other hand squeezes my buttocks and his mouth kisses down my neck. I bite his shoulder to keep him from moaning. He asks: ¡±Do you want to go to bed?¡± I find my voice to say: ¡±No.¡± He smiles. I don¡¯t realize we¡¯re in the kitchen until he lifts me, cing me on the corner of the sink. My panties are almost halfway down my thighs, so he pulls thempletely off my body. My shirt is unbuttoned and I wasn¡¯t even wearing a bra. But he still has his jeans on and is standing between my legs now, as he kisses me on the mouth, down my neck, and onto my breasts. I squeeze my legs even tighter around his waist bringing him closer and feeling how hard he is, while my nails are leaving marks on his back. I pull down the button of his jeans and unzip them. I dip my hand inside his gray boxer shorts, which have been making me have insane thoughts since I got here. I find what I¡¯ve been looking for, warm, soft, and ready, just the way I want it. He works his mouth on my breasts, while I masturbate him slowly. Now I¡¯m not thinking about anything and I love it. There¡¯s only one active thought in my head, and I say it out loud: ¡±I need you inside me. Soon.¡± He smiles and his hand is going to the back pocket of his jeans. He reaches for a condom and I ask: ¡±When did you put that there?¡± Heughs and admits: ¡±When I got the wine.¡± I end upughing. He puts the condom back on and kisses me on the neck again, making me lift my head back and think of nothing else. I onlye back to reality when he prates me slowly and deeply. I moan loudly this time. He seems to like it. Hees back to my mouth, as he thrusts faster and faster. I didn¡¯t even know I needed this so badly. But now I realize that I did, in fact, I needed it. You can¡¯t get very far when you haven¡¯t had sex for so long and I end uping before he does. He continues a few more thrusts before reaching climax. He still kisses my neck, when I am still trying to catch my breath. I say: ¡±That was good.¡± He smiles in my ear. I love the sound of hisughter. We stay like this for a while, until our breaths calm down. There¡¯s an awkward silence now, then he pulls away and says: ¡±There is a bathroom in my room, you can go there and take a shower if you want.¡± I immediatelye down from where I was standing and pick up my clothes from the floor. I feel numb. It feels strange andfortable at the same time like I haven¡¯t felt in a long time. As I shower, I think that it was great to be here, he was great, the sex was great, but even so, I still feel like something is missing. And I don¡¯t want to think about that right now. As I finish my shower, he knocks on the door and says: ¡±Here, a towel for you.¡± I open the door and just stick my head out as if he had never seen me naked before. I thank him with a smile and as I leave the bathroom he also says he is going to take a shower. I put on my clothes without much hurry, still feeling as if I can¡¯t believe what has happened between us. I look once more in the direction of the bathroom and leave the room, leaving only the note in which I thanked him for making my evening so much better. I¡¯m already in the living room, turning the key in the lock when Simones in wearing only a towel, with my note in his hand and says: ¡±Is this serious, Sky?¡¯ I shy away, he continues: ¡±Seriously you were going to leave without at least saying goodbye?¡± I am very embarrassed now. Then I just say: ¡±I¡¯m sorry, I just¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡±Forget it. Now tell me why do you want to go out in all this rain?¡± I look at him like it¡¯s obvious and says: ¡±I¡¯m going home.¡± ¡±You don¡¯t have to go. Why don¡¯t you sleep here? Why don¡¯t you sleep with me?¡± My breath falters a little. It¡¯s like deja vu. He said the same thing that Yan told me that rainy night. Damn it! These men will drive me crazy yet. He still looks at me and waits for an answer. Doesn¡¯t he realize how bewildered his words have made me? ¡±Well, I don¡¯t think so.¡± Hepletes after seeing my indecision: ¡±Look, I¡¯m not going to attack you¡­ Only if you want me to.¡± Heughs, and I end up smiling too. ¡­ We¡¯re in his bed. I didn¡¯t ask him to sleep on the couch, because that would be so rude of me, and it¡¯s so cold that it¡¯s no problem for us to sleep in the same bed. Since we¡¯ve already done much more than that in the kitchen. He fell asleep minutes after turning on the TV to watch a movie. I watch him sleep for a while. Simon is nice. Any girl would fall in love with him in a heartbeat, but I can¡¯t. I¡¯m already in love with another guy. I¡¯m already in love with another guy. He reminds me of Yan in so many ways, and for one thing, I think I¡¯m only here because he makes me feel like Yan is around, and I wanted him here so badly. I wish he didn¡¯t hate me. But now I think I¡¯d better go to sleep. Chapter 31 I throw my cell phone in the corner of the couch and listen to some lines from Grey¡¯s Anatomy on TV. Nothing makes much sense, because I¡¯m not paying attention. I just think about how much easier it would be to like Simon. At least he is around and enjoys mypany. But instead of thinking about that, I drift off into the thought that I should have gone after Max one more time. I close my eyes for a moment to get my thoughts straight. ¡­ I wake up to a knock on the door. I get up a little dizzy. I slepttest night and as I closed my eyes on the couch, I fell asleep. More knocks on the door, then I say in a loud voice: ¡±It¡¯sing!¡± I hope it¡¯s no one offering me anything, I¡¯m not up for long dialogues and fake smiles today. I open the door. He raises his eyes and looks at me half surprised. I just say: ¡±Max?¡± He still looks at me and says: ¡±Hey Sky. Can we talk?¡± I¡¯m still static after a while, but I pull myself together from the surprise and say: ¡±Sure. Come in.¡± He enters and I stand right behind him closing the door and thinking: ¡°What does this guy want with me?¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t even like me.¡± I say: ¡±Sit down. ¡± He just says: ¡±No, I¡¯m fine.¡± We exchange smiles. He then says: ¡±Shane told me you came to me?¡± Remembering my conversation with her hurts. But I disguise it: ¡± I just wanted to¡­¡± He interrupts me: ¡±Know about Yan.¡± I clear my throat from the difort of him staring at me like that. He continues: ¡±I knew this was going to go to shit, from the first time I saw him looking at you.¡± I take a deep breath. He says some more: ¡±Yan is a nice guy and I warned him that.¡± I interrupt him: ¡±Look, if you came here to tell me that Yan hates me, you don¡¯t have to, Shane already did that. She already gave him the message, I already feel terrible about it.¡± ¡±What? What message? What did Shane say? ¡± I just answer ¡±She told me that he hates me now. For everything I made him suffer.¡± Heughs. I don¡¯t understand. He says, kind of to himself: ¡±Dammit, Shane.¡± He continues after taking a deep breath: ¡±Yan doesn¡¯t hate you. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s gotten into Shane to tell you that.¡± Did I hear that? Yan doesn¡¯t hate me? I¡¯m vibrating inside and for the first time in many days, I feel hopeful, I feel happy. Max says even more: ¡±I don¡¯t know why she said that, I think she likes him, apparently to the point of saying those things to you and then asking me toe to talk to you to make it right.¡± I don¡¯t pay any attention to what he says. I just sit down on the couch, because it feels too good to hear. Yan doesn¡¯t hate me. I say to myself. I must look like a fool, but I don¡¯t care. Max says, snapping me back to reality: ¡±Before he left, he had written this for you.¡± He hands me a letter. I¡¯m surprised. I hold up my hand to take it and stare at it for a while. There was a letter? How could Max not give it to me all this time? He seems to read my thoughts. ¡±I didn¡¯t give it to you before, because he had asked me to do so before he came to talk to you. But when he was leaving, I asked him about this letter and he asked me to tear it up or throw it away.¡± I am sad now. I look at the letter for a while longer. I didn¡¯t even know that you even remembered him anymore and when you came to me I decided to bring this to you because I know that you care about him and he deserves to be okay. He likes you and if you want to give this a chance¡­ I don¡¯t know. Just read it and well¡­ I don¡¯t know. He smiles. I look at the letter again. ¡°It has an address on the back and his phone number. He left it for me before he left, he is in Toronto at his friend¡¯s house.¡± I see the address and ask: ¡°Do you know if he and Matt are talking to each other?¡± ¡°Yeah, I think they talked. But Yan said he wanted to stay away for a while.¡± I like what I just heard, I¡¯m d they talked. I just answer back: ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°And I didn¡¯t tell him I was going to give it to you, because I don¡¯t know what you¡¯ll do after reading it, and I won¡¯t tell him I gave it to you. Only you can decide what to do with it.¡± I take another deep breath. He says: ¡°I think that¡¯s it. Then I¡¯m going.¡± I get up and open the door for Max and say: ¡°Thank you.¡± He just smiles and waves goodbye. ¡­. I thought that as soon as Max left, I would run out and throw myself on the couch and read this letter, but I¡¯ve been staring at it for a good few minutes now. I put it on the coffee table and stare at it some more. Reading this letter forces me to take decisions and actions. But what if its content is different from what I expect? I cry. But I smile as I remember again what Max said, Yan doesn¡¯t hate me. But he asked Max to tear up this letter, so he didn¡¯t want me to read it. What do I do? Just read it! My brain screams. But what if? Fuck that ¡°what if¡±. You¡¯ll never know if you don¡¯t open it once. I take the letter from the table and hold it in my hands again. I think I was going to make a recipe and¡­ Open it. Right away. Damn it! Yeah, I have a bossy brain. I do what he asks. I open the paper and for the first time in my life, I see Yan¡¯s letters. I haven¡¯t even read it yet and I already find it so adorable. But let¡¯s get down to business.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. Chapter 32 ¡± Sky, I need you to know that¡­ I hate John Mayer.¡± I start outughing already. But I keep reading. ¡°I hate John Mayer.¡± ¡±I hate it so much that I¡¯ve been listening to this guy for several nights.¡± ¡°It all started one night after I came home, sat in the living room watching TV with you and Matt, and after you guys went to his room, I went to my room too and decided I wasn¡¯t going to listen to your moaning on the other side of the wall.¡± ¡±So I grabbed my cell phone and set it to y music in random mode.¡± ¡±And as soon as it started, I said, ¡°What the fuck is that?¡± ¡±And I saw it in my ylist: Real Music.¡± ¡±And only then did I realize that Tracy had picked up my phone the other day and said she was going to y some cool songs.¡± ¡±I guess she didn¡¯t mean it.¡± ¡±So I turned down the volume and went to find another song, but then you were at that part where you moan and don¡¯t care if there is anyone else in another room in the house. Or somewhere on earth.¡± ¡±Then I concluded that anything in the world would be better than listening to someone, even if it was my brother, pleasuring you in my ce.¡± ¡±So I listened to that song again every time I was at home and you went into the room with him, and I started to like this fucking song.¡± ¡±Because the lyrics have everything I want to say to you.¡± ¡±But I can¡¯t run away from the point of writing you this letter. Well, first, I¡¯m only doing this because I¡¯ve never had ess to your phone number and second, even if I had, it would be weird to write all this down and send it to you by message.¡± ¡±I just wanted you to know that this was not in my ns.¡± ¡±None of this was in my ns.¡± ¡±I only nned toe to New York to live with my older brother and with only one purpose: not to fall in love with anyone for a long time. I just wanted to get to know other ces, new people, women¡­¡± ¡±But on the first day what happened?¡± ¡±You!¡± ¡±And I couldn¡¯t stop thinking about you.¡± ¡±That was it! My biggest promise I couldn¡¯t keep, I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.¡± ¡±I fell madly in love with you the moment I saw you. It was horrible to hide it until I realized that you felt something for me. The problem was that it was just something physical and I wanted more. But I had to pretend that that was enough.¡± ¡±But when I kissed you¡­ well, nothing made sense anymore. The only thing I wanted was to kiss you more and more and have you for myself, only for myself.¡± ¡±I know I fucked up.¡± ¡±Falling in love with my brother¡¯s girlfriend was big shit, but also having you even so little, was the best thing that ever happened to me.¡± ¡±Love you Sky.¡± ¡±Ps: I got your bra.¡± ¡±Ps2: And I don¡¯t regret it.¡± Author¡¯s note: ¡°The name of the song is: XO is a Beyonc¨¦ song that John Mayer did a version of.¡± It inspired me to write this story. When I first posted this book I asked readers to use hashtags on the video of this song on YouTube haha maybe you¡¯ll see them there. Am I crying? Sure! If I looked up the song and listened to it while rereading the letter several times? Come on! If I dialed his number and am staring at the cell phone screen without having the courage to call? Well, of course! But I don¡¯t know what to say. He wrote all this before he came to me and I asked him, actually ordered him, to leave, in other words, to get out of my life. I was such an idiot. By having contact with this letter, with a part of Yan, I feel him closer to me and I have no idea how I managed to survive these days without him. Everything has always been him, about him. I just didn¡¯t realize it in time. But I think I know how to fix it. ¡­ 1 weekter¡­ I kept dialing his number every night, even though I had my number hidden, one such night he answered. And when he said hello and I heard his voice ( I didn¡¯t answer, just hung up, started to cry, cowardly I know) I realized that I couldn¡¯t breathe normally again, if I didn¡¯t have him by my side. Now I am on this ne bound for Canada, Toronto to be exact. Letter in hand, address, and phone number. I¡¯m not going to call, I want to surprise him. It wasn¡¯t hard to get fifteen days vacation from work, I had been saving this for a long time for an emergency, or in case I was too stressed from work. And college, well, there was only this week left to close the semester. So, I have it all figured out, and even though it sounds crazy and I am acting without thinking, I have it all nned out. I just don¡¯t know what his reaction will be. ¡­ I arrive in Toronto around three in the afternoon. I take a cab and go to the hotel that I had booked. I like what I see behind the car window. It is a beautiful city, not as full of lights and attractions as New York, but still very beautiful. I get to my room and immediately take a shower. I am tired, but I don¡¯t want to sleep because I feel exhrated to be breathing the same air as him. I call Katie as soon as I get out of the shower. She asks me: ¡±And have you talked to him yet? ¡± I answer: ¡±Not yet, but I think I¡¯ll just change and go to the address Max gave me.¡± Sheughs. She is as excited as I am. She thought the whole thing was crazy and that¡¯s why she supported me. Katie is a crazy person. ¡±Sky, please keep me informed.¡± I end upughing at her as usual and say: ¡±Of course, bye.¡±Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. Chapter 33 I call a cab and as soon as we reach the street address I ask him to drop me off right there. I still have to find the courage to go talk to him. My heart doesn¡¯t want to be quiet and the anxiety is killing me little by little. I sit down for a while. It doesn¡¯t work. I go into a small convenience store and buy some water. I sit down on the bench in the square again. I am worried about his reaction. What if I screwed up that afternoon when he came to me? I take a deep breath. I don¡¯t want to think that nothing will go wrong. I¡¯m here, aren¡¯t I? That¡¯s proof enough that I want to be with him, even though I said I preferred Matt thousand times over. Dumb, dumb, dumb. How could you, Sky? I whimper. I get up and head toward the house address. But just as I¡¯m walking a few more yards ahead, I see him walk out the door. He¡¯s with some guys and some girls too. But the only person that interests me is him. My heart races. He says something and smiles biting his lips. I freeze. But my heart hurts. I miss this smile so much that I even take a deep breath to keep my eyes on him. I move my eyes down his body. And I remember him glued to mine. He is wearing a white T-shirt and ck jeans. But I prefer to imagine him pressed against me, shirtless and kissing me and¡­ Damn Sky, you¡¯re in the middle of the street, girl. I want to go talk to him so bad, I¡¯m still frozen here doing nothing. A car approaches, he walks over and he calls out to some more girls, they get in the car and I just watch them drive away. I¡¯m frustrated. I¡¯m tired. I¡¯m hating whoever is driving that car. I¡¯m hating myself for not running out and jumping on it. ¡­ I get to my room and copse on my bed. I could have waited for them toe back, I could have gone to the address, but what to do there? The one I wanted to see was no longer there. And as much as I wished him well, it didn¡¯t feel good to see him surrounded by so many girls and with that huge smile. Something that I haven¡¯t seen happens to me since he left my life. I wake up and sit up in bed. I don¡¯t know what to do. I no longer have the conviction to look for him that I had yesterday when I arrived. Maybe he doesn¡¯t even remember me anymore. He seemed too good to me for someone who swore to love me in words and writing as well. But Yan and his bipr behavior have always made me very confused about everything. For example, I am already insecure and think that this trip was a bad idea. But since I¡¯m here, I¡¯m going to take a walk to see if that courage from yesterdayes back. ¡­Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. I spend a few hours shopping, then go back to the hotel, have lunch, watch a little TV, take a shower and it is already afternoon when I decide to change and go back to that address. It is Sunday and maybe he will be there. I get out of the cab and take a deep breath. I stare at the door for a while, heart racing, hands sweating, and ring the bell, closing my eyes for a second after doing so. Now it¡¯s all or nothing. The door opens. I smile nervously, but it is not Yan who is standing there staring at me. It¡¯s a blond boy, who looks me up and down and says with a suggestive smile: ¡°Can I help?¡± I ask: ¡°Is Yan there?¡± He rolls his eyes: ¡°Of course, that is up to Yan.¡± I still wait for an answer and he says: ¡°No. He left.¡± What the fuck. I take a deep breath. ¡°Can you tell me where he is?¡± He looks at me without much desire to do so, I insist: ¡°I¡¯m a friend of his from New York. I need to talk to him.¡± He scratches his head and says after a while: ¡°He must be at Sarah¡¯s house. Hold on a moment.¡± Hees back with a piece of paper in his hand and says: ¡°I think this is her address.¡± I smile and thank him. He closes the door as soon as I turn around. On the way, I ask myself: Who is Sarah? Then I focus on the idea that I will finally get to see him again and forget about anything else. ¡­ Facing the address, I take another deep breath and say to myself: ¡°Now I will go.¡± I smile to keep my nervousness away. I ring the doorbell. I hear his voice saying: ¡°I¡¯ll get it.¡± My heart almost leaps out of my chest. He opens the door. He stares at me. I say: ¡°Hi¡± He is surprised when he finally says: ¡°Sky?¡± He still stares at me. I don¡¯t know what to do, I want to hold him tight for hours, but he doesn¡¯t indicate his reaction, he just doesn¡¯t seem to believe I¡¯m here. I finally say: ¡°Well, I came here to¡­¡± But before I can finish any sentence, a girl appears at the door smiling and hugs him, looking at me and asking him: ¡°Who is it?¡± He closes his eyes for a moment. I look at her arms around his body. Wow. That hurts. I take a deep breath, but it¡¯s hard to find my breath. He just says: ¡°This is Sky.¡± He is bewildered when hepletes: ¡°A friend from New York.¡± Friend? Well, I think I see what¡¯s going on here. She smiles even wider as she looks at him again. She is pretty. Actually, I would say, beautiful. With big brown hair. He then extends his hand and says: ¡°Wow,e on in!¡± I hold his hand as he greets me. I don¡¯t even want to tell you how I feel when he touches me. It¡¯s a quick greeting, but full of words that won¡¯t be spoken. He seems a little upset about the whole thing. He can¡¯t be any worse off than I am. I don¡¯t know if I want to go in. I still stand there and the girl holds out her hand to me as well and says: ¡°I¡¯m Sarah. Come in. Any friend of Yan¡¯s is a friend of mine too.¡± My God, she¡¯s adorable. I already hate her. Not that I want to, but it¡¯s like instinct. I go in. If it was hard to breathe outside, imagine in here. The house looks more like a mansion. She invites me to go in a little further and chatters about being at the pool having juice and that I should follow her. Yan looks down. We haven¡¯t even had contact yet and this mansion seems small for the two of us and this tension. Sarah takes his hand and I follow them toward the pool. I¡¯m d there¡¯s no one else here but us, I don¡¯t know if I can pretend I¡¯m okay to anyone but her. He finally looks up at me as we sit down. I see the pain in his eyes. I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m feeling anymore. And all I can think about is how the hell did I end up in the pool at Yan¡¯s supposed new girlfriend¡¯s house? Chapter 34 Sarah asks me: ¡°So, Sky, how is New York?,¡± Yan looks me in the eye as if he really wants to know, but not only that, other things too. I answer: ¡°Good, nice I think, and¡­¡± I¡¯m about to say something else, but Sarah interrupts me: ¡°Yan didn¡¯t tell me you wereing¡­¡± We catch ourselves looking into each other¡¯s eyes for a while, I can¡¯t decipher what he is feeling. He takes a deep breath and then grabs a piece of fruit from a te on the table and brings it to his mouth. I think he wants to look casual, I don¡¯t know if I can act like this. I just say: ¡°He didn¡¯t know.¡± When he looks back at me, kind of surprised that I am enjoying this scene of a piece of fruit going into his mouth, making me wish it was me, I realize that Sarah is still looking at me waiting for me to answer some question she asked. I say: ¡°I¡¯m sorry. What did you say?¡± She continues as if I didn¡¯t ¡°fly¡± for a few seconds, making me feel bad for it. ¡°I love Times Square.¡± She says a few more things about New York and the trips she has made there and I can¡¯t pay much attention, even though I know I am being rude. I haven¡¯t prepared myself to talk to anyone else. Who I want to talk to doesn¡¯t seem to be possible right now. Yan takes me by surprise when he asks: ¡°How did you find me here?¡± I know he wants to know, but he asks more so that this doesn¡¯t get any more awkward than it already is. ¡°Max¡­¡± I see him straighten up in his chair, he looks ufortable, making me have some percentage of doubt if I did the right thinging here to look for him. I continue: ¡°He gave me his address.¡± He smiles, not the smile I love and wanted to see, just a discreet smile, then asks again: ¡°And how is everybody over there?¡± Wow, even he¡¯s not faking it well today, maybe it¡¯s the surprise of seeing me here, or he just doesn¡¯t want me here, I feel ufortable now, but I answer: ¡°Max, kylie, Shane, they are all fine, I talked to Shane and Max a little while ago, they miss you.¡± He has that smile again that I didn¡¯t like. Sarah seems to find it all so interesting, she doesn¡¯t even know that the questions I want to answer are others. Her phone rings. She apologizes and answers. I take the opportunity to look at Yan, who looks at me the same way, we are ufortable here. But we need to pretend. Sarah says into the phone: ¡°No, of course, we will, I just need to change It.¡± She smiles and hangs up. I guess that¡¯s my cue to leave. I get up and say I¡¯ming, Yan doesn¡¯t seem to like what he hears, but he¡¯s not trying hard to keep me here either. Sarah says: ¡°No, Yan and I are supposed to meet some friends at a party, why don¡¯t youe with us?¡± I look at Yan, but he shows no reaction. I want to be near him, but what do I do? She¡¯s still waiting for an answer, I say:Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. ¡°I¡¯d better not.¡± She says: ¡°Yes unless you have something better to do?¡± I look at her and she smiles waiting for my answer, she insists: ¡°Please, Sky?¡± I came back to the hotel with a note with the address of the party. I¡¯ve taken a shower and am staring at the note still wearing a bathrobe and sitting on the bed. I need to talk to Yan. I know it¡¯s not going to happen at this party, but just imagining that I¡¯m going to be in the same environment as him, well, that¡¯s a good enough reason for me to go there. The problem is that he will be with her. They are together, that was very obvious to me. I should have imagined that he would be moving on with his life, the same way that I tried in my way, but it didn¡¯t work out so well. After thinking about the pros and cons, I put on a ck dress and a jacket, because it is cold and I let my hair down, leaving my bangs to one side and wearing only a little make-up and nude lipstick. I arrive in front of the ce indicated in the address. As I approach the entrance where there are several people in line, one of the security guards asks my name and as I look at him a little confused he says: You can go through it, Miss Hills is waiting for you inside. I thank him and go ahead. When I am inside the club, Sarah sees me from afar andes towards me saying: ¡°How nice that Paul found you!¡± Paul? ¡°t¡¯s my security guard. I described you to him and asked him to let you in as soon as you arrived.¡± ¡°Is this your club?¡± She just smiles gracelessly. And says yes. I just say: ¡°Wow.¡± She smiles even wider. I hate to admit that she is incredibly nice. But I look around for a face, who has a body that I desire so much it hurts. And secondster when I¡¯m sitting by the bar talking to Sarah, well, he¡¯sing towards us. I look because I can¡¯t stop doing that and go down my eyes over his body as he approaches. Sarah follows my eyes and sees him, damn, I guess I need to fake it better than I am trying so hard to do. He moves closer and kisses her quickly, but his eyes return to the mine and he says: ¡°Hi, Sky.¡± Just hearing him say my name brings back so many memories. This hurts a little more. Especially pretending that I couldn¡¯t care less that he is hugging another girl in front of me and he looks nice andfortable, while I struggle to fake that smile on my face. Chapter 35 Yan sits between the two of us and I can¡¯t tell you how cold I feel in my stomach when I smell his perfume so close to me. I swear I¡¯m trying not to grab him right here. I feel desperate for his touch and the way he is holding the drinking ss and running his finger over the rim slowly is not doing much for me to keep my sanity. I ask to divert my dirty thoughts regarding the two of us and a bed: ¡°So, have you known each other for a long time?¡± Yan looks at me. Damn, he¡¯s too close. I look away from him to Sarah. She seems to love the question and holds Yan¡¯s arm answering: ¡°No, a month or so ago we were at a bar. He was sitting across from me, as we are now. He seemed upset about something so I decided to ask if everything was okay.¡± I take a deep breath. Sarah smiles and continues: ¡°I decided it would be worthwhile to stay and chat and try to cheer him up a little.¡± They kiss again. I think I¡¯m going to have to take several deep breaths today. Someone approaches Sarah and says something in her ear. She looks at me and says: ¡°I need to go out for a while. In the meantime, why don¡¯t you two have a little chat, I don¡¯t know, catch up?¡± Sheughs and continues: ¡°I¡¯ll be right back.¡± She kisses Yan again and leaves. We sit and stare at our drinks. I can¡¯t talk here, especially not about what I want to talk about, it¡¯s too noisy. He turns to me and says: ¡°Do you want to dance?¡± ¡­ Lively music is ying loudly, but as soon as we reach the dance floor, slow music starts. Some people leave the dance floor and everyone who is left is in pairs and dancing together slowly. We end upughing. Then we suddenly get serious. Hees closer and as soon as he hugs me, I can¡¯t exin what I feel, I want to squeeze him tight and never let go because it feels so good to have him so close to me. I wanted it so much thesest few days. But I just keep my arms around his neck and my head on his shoulder, because I don¡¯t want to look into his face right now, it would be too hard to resist. I feel him take a deep breath. At least I know that this closeness of ours affects him too, and that¡¯s good to feel. But as I don¡¯t press myself against him, he is doing the opposite. His hands are slowly wandering inside my jacket, on my back, and squeezing me slowly, my breathing is speeding up because it brings up those thoughts again. I close my eyes for a moment. He moves closer to my ear and says rubbing against my ear: ¡°Do you know how many nights I¡¯ve wanted to touch you like this?¡± This depletes the strength in my legs. Especially when his lips move down my neck and I feel his warm breath against my skin. But he pulls away, looks me in the eye, and leaves the dance floor, making me go back to where I was standing and ask the bartender for something to drink. A few minutester Sarah arrives. ¡°Where is Yan?¡± I thought he had gone after her. But I just lie: ¡°He said he needed to go somewhere and would be right back.¡± She feathers say: ¡°Oh okay.¡± She turns to talk to someone, a guy approaches my side and asks me if he can sit there and I just say: ¡°Of course.¡± I go back to my drink, but he introduces himself: ¡°I¡¯m Owen.¡± ¡°Sky.¡± He smiles. He is handsome. I¡¯ve never been one to find blondes attractive, but I¡¯d say Owen is. Minutester we are already talking when I notice Yaning closer. I avert my eyes, he is totally in his bipr state as he approaches as if he hadn¡¯t left me in that state on the dance floor and walked away secondster. He sits down next to me again and upon noticing Owen, Yan starts asking questions about Max. I answer so that it is brief and I don¡¯t have to face him for too long. With Yan, it¡¯s always a game, so let¡¯s y. I go back to talking to Owen and ignore the couple next to me. Yan notices and quickly turns to his girlfriend. He hugs her and says something in her ear, she smiles, it seems like deja vu. I take a long sip of my drink. They leave our field of vision and I am hating Yan now for making me feel this way after everything. Owen tries to convince me to go out with him, but I¡¯m not in the mood for anything else, I already know who I want and I¡¯m just using Owen to make him jealous. The problem is that I don¡¯t think this has worked. Owen leaves, probably to go after another girl. I want to cry so much, but I don¡¯t think I can do it here, it would be ridiculous. So I get up and head for the exit. Just as I am passing through the parking lot I hear my name called and realize that it is from inside a car. The door opens and I see Yan get out and say: ¡°I¡¯ll take you.¡± I just turn to him, stare at him for a second, and say softly: ¡°No. Thank you.¡± He knows that I am very angry with him right now, he can see it in my eyes. I won¡¯t say another word, his girlfriend must be in the car. And it¡¯s true because as soon as I take a few steps, she also gets out of the car and says: ¡°Come with us Sky. We were just about to ask you if you wanted toe.¡±Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g! I roll my eyes without her noticing and think: ¡°I know you were.¡± I just turn around, smile, and say: ¡°No, it¡¯s okay, I¡¯ll call a cab.¡± Sarah says: ¡°No, youe with us. Yan will drop me off at home and take you to the hotel.¡± Chapter 36 We are in the car back. It is disgusting to imagine what they were doing here. I see Yan look at me through the mirror and ignore it. Sarah asks me: ¡°Did Owen treat you badly?¡± Does she know him? Did she ask him to talk to me? I just answer: ¡°No, he was very kind. I¡¯m just a little tired from the trip.¡± She smiles and concludes: ¡°I knew it. He¡¯s a nice guy.¡± Yan doesn¡¯t seem to like what he hears. He looks at me once more and again I ignore him as best I can. ¡­ He leads Sarah to the door and they kiss. It¡¯s horrible to have to watch this. I don¡¯t know why I don¡¯t close my eyes and just stand here torturing myself looking at it. Yan told me to get in the front seat. I regretted it, not only for seeing that scene but also for the awkward silence we now find ourselves in on our way to the hotel. The streets are quiet and as soon as we stop at a red light, Yan looks at me and asks: ¡°Why did youe all the way here? ¡± This takes me by surprise, mainly because I can see in his eyes that he didn¡¯t want me to do this. I ignore the pain burning inside and in my throat and say: ¡°I thought the fact that I was here was already an answer.¡± He runs a hand through his hair. He looks frustrated. He doesn¡¯t look at me when he says: ¡°You said you preferred my brother a thousand times over me. So I thought you were running after him all this time. So I insist, what are you doing here?¡± This is painful to hear, especially from him. He is panting when the signal opens. I don¡¯t have much to argue with. I want to say that I¡¯ve discovered that I love him, but that sounds so stupid now, even in my thoughts. I want to cry too, but I won¡¯t do it in front of him. I want to forget the pain that overwhelms me and answer him, but the car stops, and I realize that we are standing in front of the hotel. He stands for a while with his head against the seat, his eyes closed. A whileter he opens his eyes, looks at me, and says: ¡°We need to talk.¡± We take the elevator and arrive at my room without exchanging a word. I am standing in front of him as he closes the door. He begins: ¡°Do you have any idea how I have felt this whole time?¡± I just look in his direction, he needs to tell me these things, or he will explode, I can feel it. He continues: ¡°You said you hated me and wanted me away from you. You broke up with me Sky!¡± He takes a deep breath and I can see now how much I have hurt him. He continues: ¡°Now youe in here like everything is fine. How did you want me to react?¡± I venture to say: ¡°I thought you loved me.¡± He runs his hands through his hair and takes another deep breath: ¡°The day I met Sarah, I was getting drunk at a bar because I couldn¡¯t get you out of my head and all those things you said to me and you know what she did?¡± He pauses and continues: ¡°She came to talk to me. I guess I didn¡¯t treat her that well, but she didn¡¯t care. She just kept ongoing. And she made a joke.¡± Heughs, but his eyes are watering and he continues: ¡°It wasn¡¯t a very good joke, but Iughed. For the first time in many days, I had found something funny. But then I found out a few dayster, that her mother had died in a car ident two days before she spoke to me. She saw me sad and didn¡¯t think twice about cheering me up, even though she was dying inside.¡± A tear falls from his eye, but he quickly wipes it away. I am crying now because I think I know what he is getting at. We stare at each other for a while. Then I say: ¡°I¡¯m sorry for everything I put you through, I know I was selfish in everything, especiallying here and¡­¡± I burst into tears. Then I continue: ¡°I don¡¯t want to mess that up.¡± He says: ¡°Do you understand?¡± I shake my head affirmatively and say: ¡°You can¡¯t start everything the wrong way again.¡± He looks at me for a while longer. I just say: ¡°Sarah is a nice girl.¡± He smiles, not in my favorite way, but he smiles. He is about to open the door to leave, but I say: ¡°I just need to tell you something.¡± He turns around, I cry, and continue: ¡°If I don¡¯t tell you why I came here, I swear I feel like I¡¯m going to die.¡± He looks at me intently and I say: ¡°I love you, Yan.¡± I start to sob andplete: ¡°I have always loved you.¡± He seems surprised to hear this, and the next thing I know he is hugging me. Tight. And for a long time. And I close my eyes to keep this moment in my memory because this is the most I will ever get from him. He pulls away and walks out the door. I sit down on the floor. And I cry even more.Material ? of N?velDrama.Org. Well, it wasn¡¯t the best trip of my life and it¡¯s far from being my favorite, but that¡¯s behind me. Yan is behind me. It¡¯s pretty clear to me that he made a choice, he chose her. I don¡¯t me him, I think deep down I know that I deserved it. I did what I was supposed to do and what I nned to do on this trip, the problem was that it didn¡¯t turn out the way I nned. I don¡¯t want to go home now. Since I have everything settled for a fortnight, I will change the course of things and spend a few days at Katie¡¯s house. ¡­ ¡°Would you like some hot chocte?¡± I smile to thank Katie who is entering the room. ¡°You¡¯ll be fine Sky. It¡¯ll pass in time.¡± ¡°I know it won¡¯t, I can¡¯t even stop smelling him on my clothes.¡± But I know that in thepany of my best friend, things will get better for me. ¡­ One weekter. It is Saturday morning and I am going to Katie¡¯s family¡¯s country home. Countryside, forests, rivers, this will be nice for me. I¡¯m not even bringing a phone to disconnect from the world. ¡°You know I can¡¯t go until tomorrow morning Sky.¡± ¡°All right, we¡¯ll wait for you there.¡± I leave smiling and get in the car along with Carol, Katie¡¯s younger sister. Carol loves to paint pictures and does this while I sunbathe by the Lake. I didn¡¯t want to think about Yan and how I wanted him here, but I still can¡¯t forget him for a second. I take another deep breath and even that reminds me of him. ¡­ It is Sunday morning and Katie arrives with her boyfriend Oliver. She greets everyone and looks at me strangely before saying hello. ¡­ We are near theke when she says: ¡°You won¡¯t believe who called mest night.¡± My heart races with anticipation. ¡°Yan?¡± She shakes her head affirmatively. I end up smiling and then getting sad. I question, still feeling hurt to hear his name: ¡°What did he want?¡± His phone number. ¡± And?¡± ¡°I gave it to him. But then he called and I found his phone in his room. I answered and told him to leave a message and I¡¯d give it to you today.¡± She hands me the phone. I go to voice mail and listen to what he says. Chapter 37 ¡°Sky.¡± He takes a deep breath. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say. Well, I wanted to talk to you. I went to your apartment, but I couldn¡¯t find you there.¡± ¡°What? Is he in New York? What do you mean?¡± Katie interrupts me: ¡°Shhhh¡­ Listen.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t do this. I can¡¯t live without you. I think Sarah realized that too. She told me that the way I look at you already gives everything away.¡± He smiles witlessly. So do I. ¡°She said you¡¯ll be fine, that I should be fine, and I can¡¯t be fine without you.¡± ¡°I was such an idiot. I should have said I loved you too, or before you even said that to me. So I say it now, I love you Sky. Just¡­ I¡¯m sorry ande back to me?¡± I don¡¯t know if I can find a way to breathe normally again. I¡¯m so happy it hurts inside. Katie is vibrating as much as I am, she hugs me and we stay like this for a while. I can no longer stay here away from him. But I have no way to answer because there is no phone signal here. I decide to spend the day here and leave early tomorrow so that I can pack my things and go straight to New York. I haven¡¯t called Yan, because I want to surprise him and hope that this time everything works out. I talked to Max and told him not to let Yan out of his sight. I know he is at the skate park and I will go there when I get there. In the afternoon we head for the airport. The flight is dyed for three hours and when I finally get on the ne, it is already six in the afternoon. After another three hours of flying, I arrive at my apartment around half-past nine. I leave my bags in a corner and go to take a shower. By the time I get to the skate park, it¡¯s almost 11:30. Only a few skaters are maneuvering on the track. Max tells me that he is inside, in the pool. I walk down the hallway and see a door that says swimming. I open it slowly and just ahead, at the end of the pool, I see him. My heart speeds up even more. He is in the pool, on his back with his arms supported, he didn¡¯t see meing and I realize it¡¯s because he has headphones on. He doesn¡¯t even know I heard his voice mail, so he doesn¡¯t wait here for me. I like this. It¡¯s amazing how fascinated I still am by his tattoos. I bite my lips.Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org. I lift my T-shirt, pull it off my body, and get rid of my jeans. I¡¯m wearing the same lingerie as when I got under the covers with him that morning. I walk over to the other part of the pool and he has his eyes closed and his head resting there. I stand in front of him. He opens his eyes kind of on impulse, looks at me, takes off his headphones, and says smiling: ¡°Sky?¡± I smile back. I take a few steps forward and sit down next to him, whoes closer, faces me, and pulls me into the pool. We areughing and he kisses me. A slow kiss, where his tongue wanders across my mouth, making me realize how much I missed his mouth. And his body. And his hair. And his touch. He says between kisses: ¡°I can¡¯t believe you are wearing this.¡± I end upughing because I know he knows it¡¯s the ¡°clothes¡± I met him in. ¡°You must be trying to kill me.¡± Heughs my favorite smile and continues: ¡°I don¡¯t have the strength to let go of you and grab a condom in the bedroom right now.¡± I end upughing and say: ¡°No need. I¡¯m on the pill.¡± He doesn¡¯t say anything, just sticks his mouth on mine and kisses me with even more desire now. I get rid of my bra because I want to feel his skin against mine. He enjoys me for a while as soon as I do that, and his mouth has a new destination now. And I love the way he moves his lips and tongue across my breasts. My panties he finds a way to get rid of himself. I want him so bad that every second hurts a little more, and I get rid of his shorts as well. He holds my ass firmly, without taking me away from his mouth, lifts me on hisp makes my legs go around his waist, and prates me slowly. Reminding me how much I missed this too. He pushes me further against the wall of the pool as he thrusts slowly, making me moan against his mouth. He smiles at my lips and I want to bite them now, so I do. I know I can¡¯t scream out loud here, we¡¯re not even in a room and someone coulde in at any moment and that makes it even more exciting. Having sex in the water is good. Having sex in the water is wonderful. Having sex with Yan¡­ There is no way to exin it in words. He is prating me slowly and deeply while saying: ¡°I can¡¯t believe it¡­ You¡¯re mine.¡± I smile and say after letting out a moan: ¡°Yes, I am.¡± Then he changes his movements, going faster and deeper, and I don¡¯t know how much longer I can take it. He stays like this for a few minutes, until we orgasm almost at the same time. My body is made for him. He releases my legs that are trembling and we areughing, but we go back to kissing for a while longer. I say after a while: ¡°I¡¯m cold.¡± Heughs, pulls away, and says: ¡°I¡¯ll get some towels and let¡¯s go to my room.¡± I don¡¯t think it will end here. And I love that idea. We are in Yan¡¯s makeshift room. The same one he stayed in after he left Matt¡¯s apartment. He is putting our clothes on the bed. I¡¯m looking at him. He stops for a moment, bites back a smile, and says: ¡°I love it.¡± I question: ¡°What?¡± ¡°That you still blush when you see me with my shirt off.¡± I pout and say: ¡°Silly¡± Hees to me, hugs me, and says: ¡°And you love me.¡± I look into his eyes and say seriously now: ¡°I do.¡± And I kiss his cheek and say: ¡°I love here¡­¡± Your neck ¡°I love here¡­¡± Your abdomen. ¡°Here too¡­¡± He holds my shoulders, makes me look at him. I¡¯m smiling, he¡¯s not. He just says: ¡°Have you ever had sex under the shower?¡± He is showing me the way to the bathroom in the bedroom. I just smile and say: ¡°Not with you.¡± He smiles and says, taking me in his arms: ¡°You¡¯re getting sarcastic.¡± I hold my hands tightly around his neck and say: ¡°I learned from the best.¡± He looks at meughing even harder and I say: ¡°Let¡¯s get in the shower soon.¡± ¡­ I am sitting on bleachers, while Yan is doing tricks on his skateboard. It¡¯ste and the other skaters have already left. I just sit there and enjoy him. He looks happy, I am happy, I have never felt this good before. It¡¯s as if I always needed something and didn¡¯t know what it was. Well, it was Yan, now I know that. He approaches me and stands in front of me for a while. He holds his skateboard sits down next to me and says: ¡°I think I¡¯ll stay in New York.¡± I say jokingly: ¡°Really?¡± He smiles and says: ¡°Yep. Now I have the best reason in the world to stay here.¡± I smile. After a few minutes while Yan has his arms around me I say: ¡°What about Matt? What are we going to do?¡± Yan looks at me seriously like I¡¯ve never seen him do before and says: ¡°Let¡¯s give him some time first. Then we¡¯ll talk.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± He kisses my hair. ¡°Now let¡¯s go to sleep, at least for the rest of the night.¡± I end up smiling. He looks at me, biting back my favorite smile, and kisses me. I don¡¯t think we¡¯re going to sleep, but I¡¯m dying to find out. The end. The Novel will be updated first on this website. Come back and continue reading tomorrow, everyone!