《The Outer Sphere》


 Chapter 1: Welcome to the War

    Garth Daniels sat on his recliner, watching the end of the world. He was naked except for a baby blue bathrobe spread out on the recliner underneath him. Garth had made to drink a cold beer and dry off after his shower while watching mindless TV, but every station was tuned to the same newscaster. It must be some kind of national emergency.


    ¡°¡­population of this universe will be split into two, participants randomly selected to go to each dimension.¡±  The newscaster read from the page in front of him, but something was strange about the person himself. The face that Garth had tuned into every day for five years seemed like it had been stretched tight over a mask of bone and a flicker of light could be seen from within. What was going on?


    ¡°From the survivors of each instance, candidates to join the Great War will be chosen.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s ridiculous,¡± Garth said with a scoff. ¡°If they had the tech to hop between universes, they wouldn¡¯t need foot soldiers, they¡¯d have advanced AI and bombs that would destroy planets. Is this a media stunt like War of the Worlds?¡±


    ¡°Looks like we got a smartass here,¡± The announcer said in the exact same tone as before, his eyes staring directly into the camera. Directly at Garth.


    ¡°If we had the tech to hop between universes, we¡¯d have enough to talk to each person individually, wouldn¡¯t we¡­Garth?¡± the announcer said, checking his script.


    Garth swallowed. Was he going insane?


    ¡°Cover up, I want to get through the rest of this script without losing my lunch.¡±


    Garth folded the robe over himself, peering around for the hidden camera. This made no sense, it was a bit like the scene in The Game where the TV announcer had talked to that the main character, but Garth wasn¡¯t rich. Hell, he didn¡¯t know anyone who was. He just wasn¡¯t important enough to spend this much money pranking him.


    ¡°Your universe is currently being assimilated with our own. It¡¯s not as bad as it sounds, just that most of your technology will cease to work. In order to survive, you¡¯ll each have to learn the new rules of nature.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the good news.¡± The announcer said.


    ¡°The good news!?¡± Garth demanded.


    ¡°Don¡¯t interrupt,¡± The man on the television said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and clearing his throat. ¡°The bad news is that your universe is being added to the outer shell of The Sphere, and thereby will be at the frontline of the conflict for the next few hundred years, until a suitable replacement universe with intelligent life is found.¡±


    ¡°And before you get all pissy, Garth,¡± The announcer said, pointing the rolled up sheet at the camera. ¡°The Kipling would have found your universe eventually and it would not have been pretty. Think of this as a backhanded favor. We¡¯ve seen what happens to realities with your kind of physics. They die.¡±


    Garth sat there, staring at the TV, his jaw dropped.


    ¡°Anyway,¡± The announcer said, looking back to his script ¡°let¡¯s see here¡­covered the split, the assimilation, new laws of nature¡­Ah, here it is. The transfer will be painless, and your universe will be assimilated in five, four, three, two,¡±


    ¡°Wait!¡± Garth shouted, standing up.


    ¡°one.¡±


    The world devolved into a kaleidoscope of colors, making Garth¡¯s stomach feel like it was going to flip out of his body and onto the floor. He squeezed his eyes shut against the searing intensity and dropping to the ground, trying not to retch. The room seemed to spin around him, and closing his eyes did nothing to make it any less bright.


    A second later, the spinning stopped, and he saw nothing behind his eyelids except the dark. Garth held his eyes closed for a moment longer before cautiously peering into the room. The room was the same as before. Garth had expected some alien scenery or distortion of what had already existed. Clocks melting on the walls, that sort of thing.


    Everything seemed normal. The TV was dark and the lights were off, but everything seemed normal. Garth walked to the light switch and toggled it a few times. Power was out. That wasn¡¯t the worst possible outcome.


    Now the question was, was Garth losing his mind, or had the world been plunged into another universe? Usually it¡¯s best to use Occam¡¯s razor. Which was more simple, Garth was bat-shit crazy, or aliens from another universe had hijacked theirs?


    Garth walked to the window, his robe falling open as he peered through the blinds. Same Saturday morning sun, same sky. He pulled the blinds open for a better look, his gaze directed down the main street of his little town.


    Same sleepy morning street.


    A shriek that penetrated the walls of Garth¡¯s crummy apartment building shot through the room, making Garth¡¯s heart skip a beat before it began slamming in his chest like a ten pound hammer. In the street, people began fleeing from buildings at top speed. Garth saw a gaudily dressed woman in high heels jumping over cars like an Olympic hurdler, arms pumping at either side, her face focused.


    In any other time, he would have found the sight amusing, but the thing that followed behind her¡­that wiped the smile from his face. A lean, pasty, naked man with a mouth as wide as Garth¡¯s forearm and blood covering his chest staggered after her. The strange creature was quickly left behind by the professional sprinter.


    Other people weren¡¯t quite so quick, Garth watched a dumpy middle-aged woman with a turtleneck and large chunks of hematite around her neck get dragged screaming to the ground, another pasty naked¡­thing biting down at her neck. In a matter of seconds, the woman went still as it continued to feast.


    ¡±Holy shit!¡± Garth shouted, his stomach churning.


    The screaming crowd of maybe two hundred people split around the bloody tableu in the center of the street, more and more people getting dragged down and eaten as Garth watched. One of the white things raised their head and began to scan the surroundings, mindless of the screaming crowd around it.


    ¡°Shit.¡± Garth muttered, dropping to the ground before the thing¡¯s field of view caught him standing in the window, watching all this go down like an idiot.


    ¡°What the hell, what the hell?¡± Garth muttered as he crawled along the floor. Was he seeing things? He didn¡¯t need Occam¡¯s razor to tell him shit was going down. But the question was, was he going absolutely mad, or was he actually seeing what his eyes were telling him? Gotta think.


    Garth crawled to his bedroom, where there was a beat-to shit bed with a divot in it where he had slept alone the last couple years, along with a wobbly pressboard end table and a pile of clothes on the floor. In a panicked rush, he slid his pants and shirt from the night before on: no time for underwear.


    Everything had seemed to come from inside buildings: The people, the monsters. There were none of the pasty white things on the street before people began running for their lives. That meant the monsters appeared¡­near people? Or perhaps they had been people. In any case, that meant the chances were there were some of them in Garth¡¯s apartment building. Possibly very close.


    No sooner had he thought that than the door to his apartment began to crack as powerful claws ripped through it, sending a thrill of terror down Garth¡¯s spine.


    He had to defend himself, he had to live¡­Wait, what if I am crazy, won¡¯t I just be beating on innocent people? Garth sent a glance toward the door where a couple white clawed fingers were gouging out the pressed wood of his door. He didn¡¯t have a lot of time to think. Garth stood up and grabbed the antique coat rack his mom had forced on him, bashing the base against the wall and knocking it off, making a six foot bludgeon of thick oak. At least it was finally useful for something.


    Okay, the end result is¡­If I¡¯m crazy they¡¯ll arrest me, maybe throw me in prison or a psyche ward. Not too bad. If I¡¯m not crazy, then the thing on the other side of the door will eat me if I don¡¯t kill it.


    As the white fingers clawed away another panel, Garth could make out the feral snarl on the pale humanoid monster. Its black, half-dollar sized eyes locked with his, and its efforts redoubled, trying to crawl through the hole in the door. You can do this, just like the Vikings.


    Garth gave a strangled cry and brought the broken coat stand down on the creature¡¯s head, his muscles weak with terror. It wasn¡¯t nearly enough, and the tight-skinned thing thrashed in mindless pain and rage as the coat stand bounced off its head.


    It pawed above its head, catching the weapon with one of its claws, beginning a brief struggling match over the wood. Adrenaline singing through his veins, Garth gave a twist with everything he had, and the branch of the coat stand snapped off in the creature¡¯s hand. It stared dumbly at the wood for a second before it threw it down and once again began pulling its way through the door.


    It pulled itself forward, worming into his room through the hole in the door. Once it got both arms were through the door, Garth knew he was dead meat. This time, he pulled the stand as far back as he could and brought it forward again with every ounce of force he could muster, tensing his stomach and back, hitting the creature¡¯s head like a hammer game at the fair.


    The creature¡¯s hand was crushed flat to its head, and the wood kept going, denting its head and driving its neck to the side. There was a vacant stare in its bulging eyes, like a fish that had been beaten to death with a tree branch. The white creature flopped in its death throes, half in and half out of his door.


    ¡°OOH!¡± Garth groaned as all the power fled his body, sending him stumbling backward onto the floor. That was more intense than he¡¯d expected, he felt like he wouldn¡¯t be able to move in another few minutes. Adrenaline came in handy in short bursts, but people rarely could last more than a handful of seconds in a fight, and Garth had already spent his.


    Damn, what do I do now? He thought, looking down into the street. In the minute it had taken him to dispatch the monster outside his door, the street had largely emptied, the people capable of running fast got away and everyone else... the creatures were making a meal of the sick and lame, as nature intended.


    ¡°¡¯hell with that,¡± Garth said, dropping below the windowsill and crawling to his closet. He wasn¡¯t sick, but he¡¯d been described as lame before. As an electrician, he had a few tools that could be more useful as weapons than a large wooden stick. Maybe he could find something to make a distraction. He needed to think.


    Garth opened the closet and pawed through his work bag, looking for something sharp, but the most dangerous thing he could find was a rubber mallet and a bottle of spray paint for marking hazardous lines. His circuit testers were right out. He¡¯d have more luck finding something dangerous or distracting under the sink.


    Setting aside the bag, he picked up his cordless drill, the weight reassuring in his hand. Maybe if he put his biggest bit on it, he could use it to coup de grace the monsters¡­Except the blocky yellow cordless seemed to be out of batteries. That was weird. He could have sworn he¡¯d charged it the night before, after work.


    A chill went down his spine. No way.


    Garth spotted his phone on the end table beside his recliner, and crawled to it, staying out of sight of the window. He¡¯d checked his phone right before he¡¯d gone to take a shower. The screen was black and unresponsive.


    ¡°No electricity?¡± he muttered. It was possible. But it was also possible that this ¡®assimilation¡¯ had simply emptied batteries, or redefined how electricity moved such that copper was no longer a conductor.


    Garth grabbed the unfinished DIY robot arm beside his silent computer and tore a motor out of it, sending little pieces of plastic everywhere. He took the positive and negative ends of the motor¡¯s wires and put them against his tongue, spinning the head between his fingers. Nothing. Not even the mildest tang or tingle of electricity.


    Garth chuckled as a sinking feeling took hold in his stomach. His entire livelihood up until this point had been understanding electricity, and now it was completely useless. The laws of physics had actually changed.


    ¡°SSHAAR!¡± came a hiss from outside the window, making him freeze. After a breathless moment, he realized they weren¡¯t coming after him, and he crawled to the window to get another look.


    Out in the street, the pale things --Garth decided to call them Ghouls¡ªwere patrolling the street, no less than a dozen of them, wandering from building to building, testing the air with their hideous, flat noses that opened wide as they took in the air.


    It wouldn¡¯t be long before one found him and raised an alarm. This time, there wouldn¡¯t be the screams of hundreds of other people to mask it, either.


    ¡°Crap.¡± He muttered quietly, looking around for a solution. He needed a distraction, an exit strategy, and a way to prevent them from following him. Wait a second. Did fire still work? Garth crept to his kitchen and turned on the stove before turning it back off a moment later.


    Oh right, electric spark lighters. Garth turned to the drawers on the other side of the kitchen and slid them open, until he came face to face with the cheap lighter he used when the power was out. For a tense moment, Garth thought it might not work, leaving him shit out of luck. But the little lighter was flint-based, and it flared to life with the same little sparkles it always had.


    Garth let out a gasp of satisfaction, staring at the little flame in his hand. Fire was human¡¯s most basic technology, and it still did the trick. Garth put the lighter in his pocket and got to work on his plan to escape the apartment.


    On the way out of the kitchen, Garth spotted a large kitchen knife in the wooden block and armed himself, nearly wanting to facepalm for seriously considering circuit testers. He was more than a little frazzled.


    He folded his bath robe and stuffed it in the top of his tool bag. Garth¡¯ coat had caught on fire in his last job, and it was going to be cold outside. His plan was to make it outside of town and just keep going. The fluffy robe should come in handy.


    Garth took his bedsheet and twisted it a couple times before tying one corner to the frame of his heavy recliner. He took a gallon of paint thinner and three gallons of kerosene out of his closet and dipped a rag wrapped around a shitty geode paperweight in it. His mother had forced it on him after one of her garage-saling trips, and it was finally going to come in handy. After that, he sprinkled a little kerosene on the back of the couch, filling the room with the smell of volatile chemicals.


    This was where things got dangerous. One screw up, and he¡¯d be a crisp.  Garth grabbed a chisel from his work bag and punctured the gas line behind the stove, letting the apartment begin to fill with whatever flammable gas remained in the pipes. He quietly opened the door, slipping past the corpse nearly blocking the exit, and lined the entire hallway with kerosene and paint thinner.


    The smell in the house was beginning to make Garth dizzy, and he knew the ghouls would smell it too. As he finished spreading the kerosene in the hall, he heard noises like burbling water come from the creatures outside, coming closer.


    Garth glanced back toward his apartment. It was now or never. There was no way he could hide in his room now, not with gas filling it.


    ¡°Hey, you pasty pieces of bird shit! I¡¯ve got a whole roomful of tasty treats waiting for you!¡± Garth called down the hall at the top of his lungs, his voice wavering, pitched much higher than he intended. His voice carried down the hall, down the staircase, and out the door.


    Garth heard hisses of hunger from the ghouls, then the clomping of feet on the staircase. In a matter of moments, he saw one of them reach the top of the stairs, looking at him, eyes wild with hunger.


    Garth swallowed. He didn¡¯t bother to say something clever. In truth, he wasn¡¯t sure he wouldn¡¯t simply scream in terror and fall to the ground. He turned and grabbed his door handle and pushed on it, aiming to dart into the house.


    The door slammed into his forehead as the ghoul halfway through the wood caught on the frame and stopped him from opening the door all the way, its arm catching at the exact worst spot. Garth hadn¡¯t thought that would be a problem. The screaming, pale monster with shark like teeth and overlong limbs was already halfway through the hallway, approaching him at a sprint. It seemed like they¡¯d shaken off their lethargy since they¡¯d gotten something to eat. It was much faster than he¡¯d seen on the street.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± Garth slammed his shoulder into the door, slamming it open with a crack of splintering bone, ducking into the room and slamming the door shut just as a handful of oversized white claws slammed through the thin plywood of the cheap apartment door.


    Garth backed away from the door, and the clawing stopped momentarily, but what he saw next put chills in his heart. The dead ghoul in the doorway was drawn out, and through the head-sized hole he saw at least six ghouls tear the body apart and feast on it.


    Garth peered out the window and saw the last of the ghouls on the street entering his apartment building. Good. Garth didn¡¯t know what he would have done if they decided to climb the building. He¡¯d probably just die.


    ¡°Okay, we can do this,¡± Garth said, quietly sliding the window open, and pulling the recliner closer, grabbing his workbag full of supplies and tossing it out the window. Garth glanced around one more time. It looked like the bag didn¡¯t draw any ghouls, so he was still good to go. Not like he had any other choice at this point.


    Garth got the last things ready, dousing the rest of the room in flammables and using the window to breathe. He was interrupted by the sound of claws tearing apart the door. The ghouls had only slowed down a bit, eating one of their own. One was already crawling through the door while the others tore away at the wood, widening the entrance.


    Garth put his recliner between himself and the thing crawling through the door. In seconds, the monster was through, and his door gave way with a final crack, Allowing the pale monsters to flood into his apartment.


    ¡°Bye,¡± Garth said, putting his legs outside the window and shimmying out, his hands on the bedsheet tied to the recliner.


    The ghouls lunged forward, trying to slash at him over the furniture, but the wobbly thing bucked it off as it began sliding backward, pulled toward the window by the sheet-rope. Garth slid down five feet below the window before the drop jerked to a halt as the kerosene-soaked recliner jammed up against the window, sealing the ghouls in the room full of flammables.


    Garth grabbed the kerosene dipped paperweight/rag combo and fished the lighter out of the pocket of his bathrobe.


    ¡°Here goes nothing.¡± He said, putting the flame under the rag, catching it on fire instantly. With a twirl, Garth sent the flaming paperweight up, knocking against the recliner. Catch, catch, catch! He chanted silently as the flaming rag drew an arc to his window.


    The rag bounced off the upholstry, and the recliner burst into flames. Garth put his hands in the air in celebration, remembering not to shout.


    He had to be quiet. He¡¯d seen a hell of a lot more than a dozen ghouls out there. No need to make nois-


    A deafening explosion rocked the street as Garth¡¯s apartment exploded, sending shards of glass and bits of flaming polyester raining down on the jackass who didn¡¯t run while he had the chance.


    Garth stifled a scream of pain and covered his face with his left hand, grabbing his survival gear and running, taking one last look at the fire spreading to other buildings before getting as much distance between himself and the flaming buildings as he could. It looked like it wouldn¡¯t end with just his apartment building.


    A hiss caught Garth¡¯s attention, and he saw one of the Ghouls who hadn¡¯t quite made it all the way into the apartment building, but hadn¡¯t been visible from the second story. It lunged at him, claws spread wide and mouth open to catch him whether he went left, right or backward.


    Garth bit down a yelp and barely managed to put the knife between him and the ghoul. By some act of god, the knife slid home in its skull, making the creature go limp. Its momentum carried it into him, knocking him to the ground and snapping off the handle of the cheap knife.


    Goddamn, this is not according to plan! He thought as he struggled, pushing the limp monster off of him. Out of the corner of his eye, Garth saw something green crawling toward him. it looked a bit like a caterpillar, except it had a human face, it¡¯s front limbs had the vestiges of human fingers, and it had some kind of tube extending from its mouth.


    Nope, not happening, Garth thought, putting all his effort into flinging away the dead ghoul. The caterpillar looking thing convulsed, and a squirt of greenish liquid hit the dead ghoul square in the chest. Smoke began to rise from the ghoul¡¯s body, but most horrifying of all were the tiny black worms that seemed to be burrowing into the ghoul¡¯s flesh.


    Garth stood, and the crawling thing shifted its attention to him. It began to convulse, with rhythmic, I¡¯m-about-to-puke motions.


    Garth dove out of the way, but a spattering of the green goo hit his legs and feet.


    ¡°Shit!¡± Garth shouted, and faster than he thought was possible except maybe with his ex, he tore off his pants and shoes, wiping away the worms trying to burrow into his skin with his shirt.


    The human-faced caterpillar on the other hand, simply watched Garth, dry heaved a few times, then turned and crawled on top of the ghoul, which seemed to dissolve beneath it. As a matter of fact, the caterpillar thing had left a smooth trail of eaten matter behind it. It seemed to even have wiped out a three inch layer of pavement.


    If there were enough of those things, There might not be any evidence people had ever existed in a few years


    ¡°Shaa!¡± hisses came from the doorways, and ghouls emerged from the buildings on either side of the street, along with a second wave of people who¡¯d taken the explosion as a signal to make a run for it. Where they were planning on going, that was anyone¡¯s guess.


    Garth grabbed his bag, put his head down and started sprinting, copying the fancily dressed Olympian, his bare feet slapping against the pavement as his mind churned furiously. He had to find somewhere safe. The buildings weren¡¯t safe, there hadn¡¯t been enough time for the ghouls to congregate. The ghouls had come from anywhere there had been people. Garth had to find somewhere without any people.


    Garth hissed as something punctured his right foot, causing his sprint to turn into a lurching limp-run. He didn¡¯t have time to spot and look at it, and there were hundreds of Ghouls flooding out onto the streets, picking off anyone too slow or too stupid to make a break for the woods. He also needed some shoes.


    Garth kept hopping down the street, putting weight on the heel of his wounded foot as other people sprinted past him, heading for the highway and the woods beyond. Crap. It wasn¡¯t looking good. You don¡¯t have to be faster than the flesh eating monster, just faster than the guy next to you. Right now Garth was that guy.


    He looked behind, and instantly regretted it. Among the wailing people being eaten, hisses of ghouls feasting, there were half a dozen more chasing after him, their eyes fixed on Garth¡¯s bright blue bathrobe. They were gaining on him.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± Garth faced forward and limped like the hounds of hell were after him. In a sense, it was true. In a matter of seconds he developed an arrhythmic run that involved putting twice as much stress on his left leg, using his left heel almost like a peg leg.


    Garth brought out everything he had, his legs burning as he made his way to the highway. He could hear the ghouls behind him, slowly gaining ground, and every nerve in his body seemed to be on fire, urging him to go faster.


    By the time he hit the road, Garth knew he was going to die, torn apart by those shark-like teeth. He was slowing down, and they were speeding up. He could hear their deep, animalistic breaths whistling past their teeth, as if all they had to do to whisper in his ear would be to lean forward just a little closer.


    ¡°Aagh!¡± Garth let out a cry of effort and pain as he lunged forward, trying to make it to the guard rail. Maybe it would slow them down enough for him to get away¡­Garth knew it was pointless, but he kept going anyway.


    Garth tumbled forward, past the guard rail, down into the ditch, his work bag flying with him. As he was churning through the air, Garth realized he could have dropped his bag and gone just a little bit faster, but it probably wouldn¡¯t have made a big difference.


    Garth hit the close-cropped saplings and patchy dirt, rolling down into the little stream that meandered through the ditch, the water from last night¡¯s rain.


    Garth put his hands under him and got up almost before he stopped falling, like a kid in a soccer game, too busy to notice skinned knees. It was fast, and it might have been fast enough, but Garth forgot about the wound on his foot. The shock of pain dropped him to the ground again, and Garth knew he was screwed.


    He pushed himself up onto his hands again, turning onto his back to see his oncoming doom. Maybe he could catch one of them in the eye with the drill bit in his bag, and buy enough time to get away. Garth¡¯s right hand reached for his bag as his gaze searched for the ghouls. They were less than a foot away. Staring at his feet.


    Garth let out a shout and pushed away, but they didn¡¯t follow him, staring at the ground where his feet had been. In a matter of seconds, the six creatures began to hiss and pace back and forth, looking between him and the wrist-sized stream of drainwater.


    Garth kept backing away as he let out a shuddering breath, watching the ghouls follow the path of the stream, their gaze locked on their prey.


    ¡°Is it the water?¡± he muttered to himself. Were the creatures afraid of water? Garth had to test that later. That seemed like one of those things to be filed under Important Shit To Know. Garth pushed himself to his feet and began limping up the ditch as quickly as he could, the six ghouls exploring the range of the stream.


    It wouldn¡¯t take them forever to find where the stream sank into the ground, or an overpass above the stream, and then they would double back and be on his ass in a matter of minutes. He¡¯d gotten lucky and bought some time, and now he needed to get out of here before they come back.


    Garth took a moment to study the thing in his foot. It was a shard of glass, about the size of his pinky, and it was the only thing stopping his foot from bleeding profusely and making a convenient blood trail for the monsters to follow. He couldn¡¯t take it out just yet. With a scowl, he let go of his foot and began limping through the grass toward the forest outside the city, hauling his bag with him. He still needed it.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 2: Leanne

    Leanne sat in the car silently, arms crossed as her mother drove her down the pockmarked road to her school. She¡¯d been summoned this Saturday morning to serve penance in detention for breaking tradition and standing up for herself. Practically unheard of for a girl of twelve.


    ¡°Ms. Henner tells me you gave Billy Thompson two black eyes and bruises all over his body before your math teacher could pull you off of him.¡± Her mother finally broke the tense silence.


    ¡°He spat in my hair.¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t just hurt people, Leanne, violence doesn¡¯t solve anything.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s not going to spit in my hair again. Problem solved.¡±


    Her mother sighed as she flicked the turn signal with her finger. She was a willowy, red haired woman with fine features and a once-attractive face ravaged by middle age. She sported a long sleeve shirt that hung off her thin arms and a pair of wide sunglasses above a quartz necklace.


    ¡°When you hurt people, there are consequences. I get called in, you father misses work for meetings. When you get older, it only gets more serious.¡±


    ¡°I guess it¡¯s a good thing you¡¯re wearing those sunglasses then, or Ms. Henner would have dad come in for Saturday morning detention too.¡± Leanne quipped.


    Her mom flinched, knuckles tightening on the steering wheel. She directed an angry glare at Leanne as she parked, giving her view of the bruise just inside her left eye socket. Leanne could see she wanted to say something more, but she said nothing.


    ¡°Get your backpack and get out of the car.¡±


    Leanne grabbed her backpack out of the back and hopped out, watching her mother peel away, sending little bits of rock and pavement flying up as she sped out of the parking lot. She watched her go, swearing she would never turn out like that.


    Leanne had never made the conscious choice, she just knew without considering it that she would rather go to detention for not acting like a girl should than become the bitter victim. Leanne settled the backpack on her shoulder and glanced over to the school, where she spotted Ms. Henner waving for her to come in, her body jiggling. Leanne¡¯s eyes narrowed.


    What little she knew of Ms. Henner outside of school came from her father. Dozens of times, her dad had come home, dirty and exhausted, and asked her about her grades. Every time the subject of conversation turned to Ms. Henner, ever since the home visit six months ago.


    Right in front of mom, he¡¯d call Ms. Henner a brick house, milk chocolate, say things like she was wasted on grade schoolers, and she¡¯d make way better money in the service industry. Leanne didn¡¯t know exactly what he was talking about at first, but the way he talked about Ms. Henner¡¯s looks turned her stomach. Her mom had only brought it up once.


    ¡°¡¯Body like that, it¡¯d be a crime not to.¡± Leanne muttered, echoing her dad¡¯s words with a scowl. Some of the rage directed at him had transferred over to the object of his obsession without Leanne even realizing, the woman herself coming to represent something that disgusted her.


    She trudged toward the school, brushing off the familiar hand her teacher put on her shoulder to guide her in.


    ¡°Is something wrong?¡± Ms. Henner asked, her dark brown eyes filled with concern as she looked down at Leanne. ¡°Other than being in detention, I guess.¡±


    ¡°None of your business.¡± Leanne snapped, heading down the hall with confidence. She knew exactly where the detention room was. Ms. Henner watched her for a moment, before she shrugged and followed, writing the outburst off as simple irritation at losing her weekend.


    Leanne barged into the room, put her backpack down by her desk in the corner, sat down and kicked up her feet, pulling out the fantasy book she¡¯d squirreled away in her bag. Her homework was already done, and Leanne got straight-A¡¯s without even trying, so Ms. Henner didn¡¯t even bother to stop her, merely walking between the other kids in detention, helping them with their homework.


    The other students in the room included Erik Porter, for kicking another kid in the shin, John Babson, for smooshing a burrito into a girl¡¯s face, Carlos Gutierrez, for being Mexican, and William Yates, for being targeted by a sociopath.


    William was a chubby Swedish looking butterball who¡¯d refused to give Carrie his homework, and so the girl had written threatening letters to herself and given herself a black eye. He was inches away from being expelled. He should have just earned the detention and beat her up, or fought it every step of the way, but the pudgekin had simply accepted his fate and meekly shown up to do homework or write lines. Something told Leanne he wouldn¡¯t refuse to give her his homework again.


    Erik was a half German with scruffy black hair, starting to grow an obnoxious chin and overbearing personality. His dad was in the military, and he liked to mention that at every possible turn.


    John Babson was your typical poster child for bullying. Big, stupid, and mean, with ruddy fat cheeks.


    Carlos was Mexican.


    Ms. Henner walked over to Erik and glanced down at his homework, studying it a moment before she leaned over, pointing at a math problem he seemed to be having difficulty with.


    ¡°You can make the multiplication easier by taking the zeros out, and adding them back in at the end of the problem.¡± She said, pointing down at his paper.


    ¡°Uh-huh¡± Erik grunted, his jaw hanging slack as he snuck glances into Ms. Henner¡¯s vacuum-sealed dress. Leanne noted Erik¡¯s sneaky glances at the woman¡¯s breasts spilling up and out of her top, and Carlos¡¯s naked staring at her orb-like rear end. Leanne turned away and directed her gaze back to her book. She didn¡¯t want anything to do with them. Just let this be over already.


    Ms. Henner must have noticed Leanne¡¯s discomfort, because a minute later, Leanne heard the sound of a chair being dragged over to her.


    ¡°May I have a seat?¡± Ms. Henner said, settling down in front of her, her tight pink dress practically splitting at the seams. It wasn¡¯t made for a woman with those proportions. Leanne averted her eyes so as not to stare.


    ¡°Apparently.¡±


    ¡°Leanne, I¡¯ve noticed you¡¯ve been...not in a good place recently.¡±


    ¡°how¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Billy Thompson?¡± She asked, one brow arched.


    ¡°I think at a certain point, boys need to learn that there are consequences to their actions,¡± Leanne said with a shrug. ¡°I¡¯m glad I could help him with that.¡±


    Ms. Henner sighed and ran a finger over her eyebrow in a nervous tic.


    ¡°I hope you know you can come to me if you¡¯re having problems at home, Leanne.¡±


    Hmm. Let me think about that. Tell you my dad beats my mom and fantasizes about whoring you out to all his friends for the superbowl? Tell you my mom starts with a bottle of wine in the morning, and nurses it until five?


    And what would happen? I get sent to a foster home as a teenager, where chances are the dad or the brother will try to molest me, or the mother uses me as a foil to make their daughter look better.


    Fat chance, I¡¯d take neglect over abuse any day. I¡¯m gonna ride this out until I¡¯m eighteen, join the Airforce and never look back.


    ¡°Nope, no problems.¡± Leanne said with a halfhearted smile.


    Ms. Henner frowned, and was about to speak when Leanne¡¯s ears caught the squeak of shoes running through the hall. A moment later the door was thrown open with a slam.


    ¡°Jennifer,¡± A balding, thin man said as he strode breathlessly into the room.


    ¡°Principal Hughes?¡± Ms. Henner said, standing up straight. ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± He didn¡¯t answer her straight away, instead jogging to the remote on the lectern and pointing it at the T.V. suspended in the corner of the room. The principal jammed a button on the remote, his eyes riveted to the T.V.


    ¡°Watch.¡±


    In a matter of seconds, the black screen flared to life, and a cold voice emanated from it. A man who seemed to be wearing the familiar face of their local newscaster was speaking. Wearing, because the face was stretched over bones that weren¡¯t quite¡­ human.


    ¡°The transfer will be painless, and your universe will be assimilated in Five,¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Ms. Henner asked, coming to stand in front of the TV with the principal.


    ¡°Four.¡±


    ¡°Is this a joke?¡±


    ¡°Three.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± the principal said, glancing at her, shaking his head.


    ¡°Two.¡±


    ¡°I fucking hope so.¡± He said, returning his gaze to the television.


    ¡°One.¡±


    Leanne closed her eyes against a kaleidoscope of colors, dropping to the ground and retching at the sudden twisting in her gut. A moment later, the disorienting colors were gone, and she opened her eyes to a world of darkness. Something had killed the lights, and only reflected light from the morning sun eked in through the window facing the courtyard.


    She could see Erik, Carlos and John were looking around, raising their heads from where they too had dropped to their knees. John was wiping a bit of barf off his lips, his brows furrowed in confusion. The bully rarely understood what was going on, but to be fair, the other kids in the room had no idea either.


    ¡°Huuk!¡±


    ¡°Huuk!¡± Leanne heard what sounded like retching coming from William¡¯s direction. She glanced over at the kid, wondering if he was still feeling sick from¡­whatever had just happened. When she saw him, her heart nearly stopped.


    Bright green bile streamed from the boy¡¯s mouth as he convulsed, bent over on his hands and knees. Beneath his sweater, beneath the skin under that, Leanne saw something pulsing, wriggling back and forth inside his skin. Something bigger than him.


    For a single horrible moment, all she could think of was a caterpillar from animal planet.


    ¡°AAGH!¡± The scream caught her attention, and she saw the two adults, Ms. Henner and the principal, writhing on the ground and shaking. Leanne sprang to her feet as Ms. Henner¡¯s dress tore open, revealing purple masses of flesh that spiraled upward, attaching to the ceiling beside the now-dead TV.


    Her teacher went limp, dress falling away as the mass of flesh raised her up, suspending her in the air like a cocoon. For a brief moment, Leanne saw the body her father had slavered over for the last six months of her life, the woman¡¯s smooth brown skin, wide hips, and breasts big enough to dive into. Then the moment ended.


    Vine-like lumps of flesh began to move under the woman¡¯s skin, turning it purple, discolored, and misshapen.


    A tearing sound brought Leanne out of her stupor, and she glanced back to William. The boy had grown even fatter, tearing out of his clothes as his legs shriveled into stubs.


    Two things occurred to Leanne.


    1: Whatever was happening, was happening fast.


    2: She needed to get out of here, now.


    The two adults were between her and the door. Ms. Henner suspended in the air and the principal still writhing, looking longer and skinnier by the minute. His skin was turning pale and what little hair he had was falling off in clumps.


    Leanne shared a single glance with Carlos and the two of them bolted for the door. Leanne jumped over a desk with a single bound, too panicked to curse the seating arrangement that put her in the back corner. The front row seats were reserved for kids who got bad grades.


    Carlos made it out the door first, simultaneously jumping over the principal and under Ms. Henner, trying to keep himself as far away from either of them as he could while he ran.


    Erik stood and watched in stunned silence as Leanne rushed past him. She¡¯d cleared the last desk when a slab of meat slammed into her side, knocking her against the wall and to her knees. Without sparing her a second glance,  John Babson rushed out the door, mindless of the girl he¡¯d body slammed out of the way.


    Leanne didn¡¯t have the time or presence of mind to be angry, she simply shot back to her feet and kept running, but when the third child sailed over the principal, He reacted.


    ¡°SHAAa!¡± Came a heart-stopping hiss from beneath her as the principal reached out and caught her ankle with obscenely long fingers, toppling her to the ground. The man, shedding his skin and clothes, grinned with a wide row of shark teeth as he pulled himself closer to her tender calf.


    ¡°Gah, get away!¡± Leanne shouted, kicking at the ground with her free leg, trying to pull out of the former human¡¯s grasp. All she had to do was get into the hallway and she could outrun John any day of the week.


    The creature¡¯s grip only grew stronger as it was pulled halfway out the door by her struggles. It seemed to be getting used to its body, its trembling limbs becoming more and more agile. The thing thing got onto its hands and knees, aiming to lunge forward and take its first bite of the young girl¡¯s succulent flesh.


    It shot forward on its weak arms, mouth gaping, aiming to start at her calf and work its way up, making Leanne scream in shrill terror as it closed in on her.


    The creature¡¯s gnashing teeth stopped just short of her ankle, slamming down on the tiled stone of the main hall. It threw an accusatory glance over it¡¯s shoulder, and Leanne could make out a dark purple arm seizing the former principal by his leg.


    ¡°Run.¡± Ms. Henner croaked. Her left eye was pale and sightless, her flesh boiling underneath her skin as more and more tendrils of flesh emerged from her body and secured themselves to the ceiling, walls, and floor.


    Leanne slammed her heel into the back of the thing¡¯s head as it was looking up at Ms. Henner, the momentary distraction enough to tear her leg free. In less than a second, Leanne was up and running, practically flying down the hall.


    In a matter of seconds, Leanne hit the steel double doors at a sprint, bruising her forearms as she slammed the doors open, breaking out into the light of day. The full light of day reflecting off the pavement caused her to squint as her eyes adjusted.


    Behind her, from the darkness beyond the slowly closing school door, she could hear Erik screaming. The sound felt like claws working their way down her spine. Erik¡¯s screams were cut off with the Clack of the school door closing. Leanne glanced over her shoulder, but she knew she would die if she went back in.


    In the parking lot, leaning against one of the teacher¡¯s SUVs, John gasped for air, the little sprint wiping the jerk out. Carlos was nowhere to be seen.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Leanne cried, waving at him. John took a look at her and began running in what she assumed was the direction of his house. Maybe. Whatever, it was every kid for themselves now. He¡¯d already proven that when he pushed her down.


    Leanne ran forward, ready to run all the way back to her own house before she heard it; Screams and gunfire. This must be happening everywhere. The street back to her house crossed two blocks of urban housing. There¡¯d be tons of those used-to-be-people.


    Leanne eyed the woods. She could run with the best of them, and climb trees like nobody¡¯s business. She¡¯d once outrun the bus and climbed the oak tree into Ms. Henner¡¯s first period science class before anyone got there. Ms. Henner only found out because there¡¯d been bits of bark on the windowsill.


    ¡®run.¡¯


    Ms. Henner¡¯s last word echoed in Leanne¡¯s mind. She¡¯d saved her. Why? Leanne hated her.


    Leanne¡¯s gaze caught on a beat-up truck driven by the school janitor. Harold was a vocal proponent of the NRA. Word among the kids was that the old man had nearly gotten fired several times for bringing a gun to the school in his truck, but no one had ever been brave enough to try since Tommy Ridelle.


    The principal was the old man¡¯s nephew, and swept the incidents under the rug. No one got hurt, no one needed to know. Leanne would be willing to bet the old man just got better at hiding his guns.


    Leanne glanced at the forest in the distance, then back to the school. Ms. Henner was hurting real bad, and something told Leanne that it wasn¡¯t going to end by itself.


    This is where you choose. A soft voice seemed to whisper in her mind. Choose between being a victim or a fighter.


    Leanne picked up a rock from the sidewalk and stalked toward the truck, keeping her eyes open for any more of those not-people.


    Five minutes later, She cocked the janitor''s shiny new .45 and headed back into the school...

 Chapter 3: Abstinence and the Other Thing

    ¡°Duct tape, lighter, drill bits, water bottle full of kerosene, knives, copper wire, strippers, a handful of shitty drywall nails, pliers, chisels, and about a half dozen other things I threw in the bag in a panic.¡± Garth sat back, studying the contents of his hastily assembled bag full of things from his closet he thought might come in handy in the heat of the moment. What would really make him feel better was a gun.


    ¡°One point three guns for each American, and now I¡¯m the jackass without one.¡±


    Garth could have headed deeper into the city to search for some guns, but that seemed like a good way to get shot or eaten, or both. There were sure to be looters and people with guns roaming the streets even now. It wouldn¡¯t calm down for days. Going back into the city was suicidal, so he had to use what was in the bag to survive.


    All told, the bag weighed almost thirty pounds. It had slowed him down on his trek into the woods, made his shoulder ache and put extra weight on his bloody feet, but Garth was glad he had it now. He¡¯d hiked barefoot through the spring woods until his left foot was as bloody as his right, and now that the sun was going down, he could see his breath on the air.


    Garth shivered and wrapped the bathrobe tighter around himself. If he¡¯d been wearing a full set of clothes under the robe, he¡¯d be fairly comfortable right now wrapped in the fuzzy polyester, but as it stood, each piece of skin in his legs and arms, chest and neck that strayed outside the embrace of the robe, sapped away a little more body heat.


    Garth glanced down at his muddy, bloody feet, studying them with exhausted detachment. Forgetting to grab a pair of shoes was a rookie mistake and it was probably going to get him killed. Of course everyone was a rookie in a monster apocalypse. ¡®Cept maybe doomsday preppers.


    The piece of glass was still in his foot, surrounded by mud from the hours of walking through the woods. That was probably going to get infected. Garth needed to disinfect and bind the wound, and he needed warmth, new shoes and a weapon.


    Garth raised his head and looked around. He was in the middle of the forest with no idea where he came from. He was also lost.


    ¡°One problem at a time.¡± Garth shook his head and stood, looking around the forest for a dip in the ground. He needed to make a fire. Garth spent the next half hour limping around, picking up fallen branches and rotten logs, setting up a tiny little fire in the hollow side of a tree with a splash of kerosene. The trunk and roots made three corners of a wall, protecting sight from what Garth assumed was the direction of the city.


    Garth settled in front of the fire to make the fourth wall, setting his tool bag down beside the fire. Garth set the blade of a knife in the fire, cut a few strips out of his robe and doubled them up, placing them on the ground beside him. The heat from the fire was barely enough to ward off the cold, but Garth didn¡¯t dare make a large flame and attract monsters to him. Or anyone for that matter.


    People in life or death situations had a switch flipped, and they settled into two kinds: Those who were at their best, most noble, and those who sank to their worst possible low, with no in between. Meeting other people ran the risk of running into the latter. Those kind of people tended to live longer. If Garth could get himself in a situation where he could run if he had to, he¡¯d be more inclined to meet other survivors.


    Garth needed to meet with some eventually. He needed protection when he slept, food, water, shelter, and god willing, some sex. The lone ranger bullshit works on T.V., but humans didn¡¯t become the masters of Earth by wandering away from the rest of the monkeys, walking up to a lion and saying ¡®come at me, bro¡¯.


    They did it by sticking firmly together in large tribes, and using their heads. This was no different. The human named Garth needed a tribe, or he was going to get eaten.


    A tribe. A family.


    Garth¡¯s parents were halfway across the United States, sleazing by in New York. They were probably dead. His younger brother was the quarterback at his ivy league, perfect-teeth, 4.0 GPA mega-rich school on a scholarship and his parent¡¯s last dime. Jim might still be alive, but fuck all of them, when his parents hadn¡¯t had enough money to send Jim to Harvard, they¡¯d stolen from Garth¡¯s fianc¨¦. Garth had moved to Oklahoma to get away from the backstabbing assholes.


    When her family found out, Garth was left penniless and alone. He¡¯d bailed shortly after, just bought a train ticket to anywhere.


    A degree in electrical engineering was a marketable skill. Able to get a job anywhere, he¡¯d thought, but Garth had spent three years working as a handyman, doing everything from plumbing to carpentry and knocking down wasp¡¯s nests for helpless young women. Perhaps the bitterness from his last breakup had been a palpable scent, because after Laura, no woman seemed to give him a second glance.


    Garth didn¡¯t exactly put himself out there, either. Some women were suckers for a sad man, but Garth didn¡¯t care to put that kind of baggage on display at the local bar.


    Thinking about it objectively now in the face of death, maybe he should have.


    Long story short, his family could fend for themselves.


    ¡°Guess I¡¯m one of those people at their worst,¡± Garth said, thinking back to the apartment building he¡¯d burned down in his escape and hoping everyone had gotten out okay. He hadn¡¯t even thought about anyone else at the time. Maybe they hadn¡¯t had to escape. The guy on the T.V. had said the population had been split into half and¡­wrapped around their universe. What the hell did that mean? Was his apartment building empty or not?


    Were the ghouls the other half, people who hadn¡¯t been chosen, or were they the Kipling that the guy had mentioned? Both?


    Garth fell into silence as his mind chewed the small bits of information he¡¯d been given while he worked. The man said survivors would be chosen to join the Great war. Was being chosen good or bad? He need more information, but first he needed to get the bit of glass out of his foot.


    He wiped as much of the dirt away as he could before securing the splinter of glass with his pliers and carefully pulling it out. A bead of blood pooled on the sole of his foot as he threw the shard into the crackling fire, dribbling onto the forest floor a moment later.


    Garth squeezed his sole to force a little more blood out of the puncture wound. Never hurts to get more out of it. Garth carefully watched the amount of blood oozing from his foot and decided against using the knife to cauterize it. That was in case it bled like crazy, but the little dribble wasn¡¯t bad. A little pressure and time and it should scab up nicely.


    Better not to add a burn wound on top of a puncture wound if he didn¡¯t have to.


    Garth put the strips of polyester robe on the bottom of his foot and secured it with duct tape, creating a makeshift moccasin/bandage. A minute later he had one on his other foot.


    Hungry and thirsty, Garth cut a tree just a bit smaller than his wrist down, carving away the branches before he used one of the drillbits to laboriously hand-carve a hole into the top before turning the bit the other way and lashing it in with some duct tape. Weapon done.


    Three days without water would kill him. It was starting to sink in at the end of the day, as his body ached with thirst while he lay in front of the fire, waiting to fall asleep. Garth wasn¡¯t afraid of something sneaking up on him because the entire forest floor was covered in dry leaves. If something could move silently from tree to tree like The Predator, Garth would rather die in his sleep anyway.


    He said that to himself, but it was a long, fitful time before his aching body finally relaxed into the dirt and fell asleep, curled around a homemade spear.


    Garth found himself standing in darkness. No matter which way he turned his head, there was nothing for his eyes to lock onto, but he could hear the whispering of thousands of people, in front of him, behind him, everywhere.


    What¡¯s going on? He thought, unwilling to speak out load, for fear of attracting the attention of whatever was in the forest with him. How could it be pitch black? There was a moon, stars. Without electricity, the sky should burn with the light of the milky way.


    ¡°Rank 35216, come forward.¡± Garth heard a rumbling voice, and a door opened in front of him, inches away from his face. The light that spilled out from the door blinded him for a second, and when he opened his eyes again, he stood in the center of a circle, surrounded by fantastical looking men and women of every shape and color, their arms resting on a wooden table that encircled him. Directly in front of Garth was a greying old man with a long beard who sported a well-muscled frame despite his age. He wore a strange grey robe gilded with gold.


    Garth himself wasn¡¯t wearing anything, but it didn¡¯t seem to bother them.


    To the old man¡¯s right and left was a woman with flaming clothes, her hair dancing above her head, and a  mountain of a man dressed in leather, showing the handle of some monstrous weapon over his shoulder.


    There was a well-dressed, thin man with a snide grin, a voluptuous woman who seemed about to spill out of the leafy green clothes that barely contained her, a severe man in heavily dented plate armor, a young man and woman who looked nearly identical seated beside each other¡­. The list went on.


    These dozens of people looked down at Garth with a critical eye, measuring him.


    ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± he asked, craning his neck to study all the beings watching him while he covered himself with his hands.


    ¡°The man is a coward, and only killed the Kiplings to save his own skin. I abstain.¡± The man with the great weapon said, drawing Garth¡¯s attention.


    ¡°What do you mean¡­¡± Garth¡¯s mouth hung open as the giant of a man faded, leaving an empty spot where he had sat.


    ¡°I do not sense a ruler, I abstain.¡± The grey haired man in the center spoke, vanishing like the man beside him. What was going on?


    ¡°He shows no piety, whether to his family or himself. I abstain.¡± A wizened old man with a bald skull spoke before vanishing.


    So to get this straight, they were quoting things about Garth they didn¡¯t like and then abstaining. If they were abstaining because they didn¡¯t like something about him, that meant they would stay if they did like something. Meaning, whatever was about to happen here would be good for him, as long as a few didn¡¯t abstain.


    Unless they like eating virtous people.


    ¡°I liked his use of fire to dispatch the Kipling,¡± the blazing woman said with a smile on her cherry-red lips. Was it color or temperature that caused them to glow that color? Garth was curious.


    ¡°Hastia, the goddess of fire, destruction, power and beauty will sponsor this one.¡±


    Sponsor. That couldn¡¯t be a bad thing then.


    ¡°His fate before the Kipling was a weak one.¡± The twins said as one. ¡°We abstain.¡± They vanished.


    ¡°The chaos he caused in his escape was delightful.¡± The snide man said, a sneer on his face. ¡°Entramond, the god of chaos, opportunity, swiftness, and greed will sponsor this one.¡±


    After him, a long string of gods and goddesses abstained one after the other, leaving only the voluptuous plant-covered woman watching him with watering eyes.


    The other two sponsors watched her from across the now empty table.


    ¡°Beladia?¡± Hastia asked.


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s just so sad,¡± The plant-covered woman, Beladia, Garth supposed, said. She wiped her eyes with the edge of the leaf covering her front, exposing her titanic breasts for a timeless instant that made Garth¡¯s mind go blank.


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked, shaking his head.


    ¡°You poor thing, you used your hearth to kill the enemies of the sphere, and now you have no home. I felt the longing for love in you, like a knife in my heart the moment you entered. No love, no family? It¡¯s awful! What can I do to make you whole?¡±


    The enormous woman began to bawl into her hands, while Hastia crossed her arms. Entramond rested his chin on his hand and began drumming the table with his fingertips.


    ¡°Please,¡± he said, a hard edge to his voice. ¡°Make your choice. We have another sixty five thousand to get to tonight. The others may be snatching up good candidates as we speak.¡±


    ¡°Beladia,¡± Beladia said between sobs. ¡°Goddess¡­ of¡­Hearth, nature¡­love and fertility will sponsor this one.¡±


    ¡°Finally.¡± Entramond rolled his eyes.


    ¡°Now,¡± Hastia said, turning her gaze to Garth. ¡°Who do you choose?¡±


    ¡°May I ask¡­ what happens when I choose one?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°You may ask.¡± Hastia nodded. ¡°You will be sponsored by one of us. You will be granted a boon, granting you more power than your contemporaries.¡±


    ¡°For free?¡± Garth asked. One of his father¡¯s slimy adages that nevertheless always rang true was that nothing was truly free. Not even love. Beladia burst into tears again.


    ¡°I like the way you think,¡± Entramond said. ¡°It¡¯s not free. If you are sponsored by one of us, naturally, you represent our interests. You will contribute to our power with a tiny fraction of your own, think of it as our investment in you paying dividends, rather than simply letting you die. if you gain a great deal of power, the tiny fraction we draw from you will be far greater than the initial investment.¡±


    ¡°You guys are like franchise owners, then.¡± Garth said, thinking. ¡°What powers do you plan to give me, exactly?¡±


    ¡°You may only choose one of us, and we will grant you an aspect of our domains, for example, when you choose me, you will find yourself quick of thought and action, favored by the roll of the dice, or on the road to becoming a wealthy, powerful man. Do not discount my sponsorship easily.¡±


    It was true, luck was a huge factor in staying alive. Someone who was careful and lucky had a great shot at not kicking the bucket.


    ¡°I will grant you an affinity for fire, making any flame magic you cast far more powerful. Or perhaps you would like to be stronger of arm or fairer of face?¡± Hastia said.


    ¡°Flame¡­Magic?¡± Garth repeated. She just said the magic word. The M-word. Sign me up! Blowing stuff up with your mind was a boyhood dream that ranked up there with becoming an astronaut, creating a real Jurassic Park, and nailing multiple playboy models at the same time.


    Garth was the kind of guy who couldn¡¯t help but run a wizard in every pen and paper game he ever played. D&D? Wizard. Cyberpunk? Wizard. Gritty detective noire? Wizard. A few people had banned him from playing wizards, in fact.


    ¡°I choose-¡°


    ¡°Wait!¡± Beladia shouted, dabbing her eyes again, causing Garth to avert his eyes from the jiggling goddess.


    ¡°My blessing! I swear if you choose me as your patron, you will have all my blessings! You will never want for food and shelter, any plant based magic you cast will be far more powerful, and you will find love!¡±


    ¡°What is the meaning of this?¡± Entramond demanded. ¡°Why would you would offer so much of your power to one human that might well be dead by the next nightfall?¡±


    ¡°In all the humans that have come to us this night, not one has chosen me over the others!¡± Beladia said. ¡°This system of only reviewing the hundred thousand who have contributed the most to the war in a single day in a day favors bullies, vicious, hasty men, and tyrants who cause nothing but destruction! My power is nothing compared to yours because these men care nothing for plants and love! What am I to do when the men and women I want to help spurn me?¡±


    Beladia paused for breath, fanning herself off, her breasts shaking beneath her leaf. Her face crumpled again.


    ¡°And he¡¯s just so looonelyyyy!¡± She sobbed.


    ¡°I¡¯m not that lonely.¡± Garth adamantly denied.


    Hastia sighed and rubbed her temple, flames licking up the side of her face. She turned to address Garth.


    ¡°Which do you choose? Your first patron is an important choice, so choose carefully.¡±


    ¡°Beladia.¡± Garth answered without hesitation.


    Beladia gasped, her eyes lit up with joy, and Garth was afraid she¡¯d jump over the desk and smother him, like an overbearing aunt.


    Entramond scowled and disappeared without a word, while Hastia regarded Garth a moment longer.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a decision I made with my head and my heart. I need food and shelter more than the off chance I¡¯ll get magic before dying of exposure, but more than any of that, I need a reason to live. A blessing of love implies that there will be someone out there that can give me that reason, and you can¡¯t put a price on that. Like the Beatles said, ¡®can¡¯t buy me love¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Are these Beatles great sages of your world?¡± Hastia asked.


    ¡°They¡¯re rock stars from the sixties.¡±


    At Hastia¡¯s frown, Garth corrected himself. ¡°They¡¯re Musicians¡­Minstrils?¡±


    ¡°I shall have to investigate your world¡¯s music.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t bother, most of it requires electricity and is about sex, in some form or another.¡±


    Hastia smiled. ¡°Until we meet again.¡± Then she vanished, along with the round table separating Garth from Beladia.


    ¡°Oh, thank you!¡± Beladia shouted, rushing over to him. The goddess must have been seven feet tall, towering over Garth¡¯s reasonable five ten. She swept him up in her embrace, her soft flesh wrapping around his with a tenderness that sent electric shocks through his brain. He felt buried in womanflesh. It was better than sex.


    Garth¡¯s eyes were rolling back in his head as the goddess of fertility held him, vaguely wondering if he could accidently get her pregnant with just a touch.


    ¡°OH! we have to perform the ritual to bind me as your patron before we run out of time.¡± She said, her expression worried.


    ¡°How do you perf-mmm!¡± Beladia sealed Garth¡¯s lips with her own. against his skin, he could feel the leaves covering her peel away, making her whole body pressed against his own. Garth¡¯s member stood at attention, despite the strangeness of the situation.


    The goddess gently laid down, keeping him wrapped in her embrace. Her legs spread beneath him, accepting all of him into her as they wrapped around his waist. The pleasure of the intimate contact sent shivers up Garth¡¯s spine. As if she could feel them, she stroked the back of his neck, sending the shivers and goosebumps down his waist, where they magnified and traveled back to his head, making his vision fill with dots of white.


    ¡°Oh, my god.¡± Garth blurted between kisses that seemed to be pushing some sweet, honey-like sensation through his sinuses, into his very nerves.


    ¡°Each god does it differently. How do you think I do the ritual?¡±


    ¡°I think I¡¯ve got it figured out.¡± Garth said before thrusting forward, abandoning his sense of propriety, and all rational thought as he sought to lose himself inside her.


    ¡°Yes,¡± She said, pulling him deeper. ¡°That¡¯s perfect. I¡¯ll take everything you have to give, and give you everything you can take. Love, and the power of life, of reproduction.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re almost there,¡± she whispered in his ear. ¡°Take my blessing for yourself.¡±


    As hard as Garth thrusted, and as good as the goddess beneath him felt, he felt like he had whisky dick. He just¡­couldn¡¯t¡­finish. He sped up, faster and faster under the tender ministrations of the woman beneath him, his mind going blank, growing ever closer, but never reaching his climax.


    Finally, the sensation stole his mind, and his vision went white. Garth roared like a beast as he felt intense power rushing into and out of him in staggering waves, passing through the boundary between the two bodies as though nothing separated them, magnifying and growing as it went.


    For a brief instant, Garth¡¯s mind exploded outward, and he was everything, all life at once.

 Chapter 4: Sphere Postal Service

    Garth lunged to his feet, his makeshift spear held in front of him in a death grip, breath ragged. What the hell just happened? The fluttering of wings was the only sound in the quiet forest. There were no birdcalls, though. He looked up, and saw the sky was dotted with maybe half a dozen small shapes with wings. They didn¡¯t seem like bird wings, more like tiny men with bat wings.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± he said, craning his neck to watch the winged men pass by overhead. Were they with the ghouls, the ¡®Kipling¡¯ as the people in his dream had called them? Garth moved beneath the tree, trying to keep out of sight, but the trees without their summer foliage gave him little cover.


    The fluttering of wings sounded again, closer this time, sending Garth¡¯s heart into high gear, singing in his ears. Garth put his back to the tree and held the drill bit spear in front of him, searching the sky. He didn¡¯t know what was coming, but he wasn¡¯t going to let it swoop on his back.


    The silence held, the only thing Garth could hear was himself trying to keep his breathing as quiet as possible, and the occasional gust of wind turning over a dead leaf.


    The fluttering came back, and an ugly, green thing with wings landed on the forest floor in front of him. It had the shape of a man, with a wide frog face and stubby limbs, the round case in its hand nearly too big for its fingers to grasp.


    The little thing hopped forward and studied Garth with a curious gaze before holding the round case in front of it, offering it to him. Garth was inches away from skewering the little monster, but he stopped himself. Would something trying to eat him really offer him a case of some sort, rather than calling its friends and devouring him like some kind of sky-piranha?


    His right hand still holding the spear on the little man, Garth reached forward with his left, taking the case out of the gremlin¡¯s hand. The case was tough, waterproof brown leather, with a lid on a strap. Without taking his eyes of the creature that seemed to stand back respectfully, Garth tugged the lid off, hoping it wasn¡¯t full of snakes or flesh eating scarabs.


    I¡¯ve got too much imagination, Garth thought as the lid came loose, revealing a rolled scroll inside. Glancing back and forth between the vellum and the creature, Garth began to read.


    Good morning fellow soldier, please read the entirety of this missive, included is information that will aid in your struggle to survive. ¨C General Karas Intermon.


    Hello. If you¡¯re reading this, you¡¯ve earned the right to join the fight against the Kipling. Through whatever means, fair or foul, you have survived the first night and your body has begun to acclimatize to the physics of The Sphere, what we call the coalition of realities that stand against the universe devouring Kipling, a scourge that exists to consume all sentient life in the infinite spectrum of realities.


    Our reality is the only one where the laws of physics force the Kipling to have a body; to be mortal. Without us, you would not have known what was happening until you drew your last breath. It is our dearest hope that you will join the battle against them that your world might know peace.


    Now that your body has begun to acclimatize to our physics, it has become malleable to some extent. As a reward to all survivors on their second day, The Sphere offers a boon. A free specialization in the attribute of your choice. Once this has been chosen, your body will place excess energy into the chosen field without the need for specialized Heartstones.


    This will allow it to increase much faster and further than unspecialized attributes.


    Please place a drop of blood on the attribute you would like to specialize in. You may choose not to specialize in any, but there is no benefit to this. If you miss this chance, you may register a specialization or change your specialization by filling out a 10-Z-1998A-2 form at your nearest Sphere Recruiting station in the Inner Spheres.  Do not smear the drop of blood or mark multiple attributes, or your request will be denied.


    -Strength-


    -Endurance-


    -Speed-


    -Intelligence-


    -Memory-


    -Senses-


    The laws of our reality are such that you are no longer flesh and blood, but a product of will and energy. Every living creature houses this energy in a gemstone beside their hearts. The Kipling are limitless, but we can use this power against them. From now on soldier, if you wish to grow in puissance, look for the gemstone beside a slain foe¡¯s heart. Consume it to enhance your attributes.


    When you have finished, return the scroll to the Homunculus and wait one to three Earth days for processing.


    Garth looked over the scroll, and checked the back. ¡°They¡¯re not shitting me, are they?¡± he asked the homunculus.


    The frog-like man stood there silently, regarding him with a cocked head. Garth sighed at the lack of response. He had half-hoped it would be able to carry a little conversation. He¡¯d been away from electricity and other people for one day, and he was afraid he¡¯d start naming beach balls.


    ¡°Why would they be shitting me?¡± Garth glanced at the scroll. He couldn¡¯t see any benefit in it for them. If it was a lie, they¡¯d have promised him the world, not bureaucratic bullshit. So now he needed to choose which option to take.


    The answer was pretty obvious to Garth. He pulled out one of the smaller knives from his bag and pricked his left thumb, carefully squeezing out a drop of blood onto ¡®Intelligence¡¯, the blood sat there for a moment before sinking into the ink and dying the word red.


    In any situation where getting smarter was a choice, getting smarter was the smartest choice. There were a few exceptions, but that was Garth¡¯s general rule of thumb.


    As Garth was rerolling the scroll, and about to hand the case to the Homunculus, another froglike man landed in front of him, with another case, catching Garth¡¯s attention. Like the first, it offered him the leather-bound scroll case.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see what¡¯s up.¡± He said, opening the scroll.


    Garth Daniels, ranked 35216th on your planet for contributions to the war effort against the Kipling, you have received the patronage of Beladia, goddess of hearth, nature, love and fertility. Below, for your convenience, we have included a description of your abilities and blessings.


    Garth Daniels


    -Strength- 10


    -Endurance- 10


    -Speed- 11


    -Intelligence- 13


    -Memory- 11


    -Senses- 9


    Blessings of Beladia: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility.


    ¡°Pheremones and Hyper-fertility?¡± Garth asked, re-reading the paragraph. That sounded ominous. ¡°What, do I jerk off and there¡¯s a kid there in the morning?¡± It might be better not to try, actually. He¡¯d have to find out if there was a deeper meaning. And pheromones. Was that what the goddess was talking about when she promised love? Just smelling nice wasn¡¯t going to find love.


    It reminded him of those sleazy advertisements for pheromones on late night TV and poorly funded websites. Well, it didn¡¯t matter, the first three blessings were better as a package deal than empowered fire magic he may or may not ever get. Was photosynthesis and temperature resistance the reason why she promised he¡¯d never want for food or shelter?


    Wait, photosynthesis? Garth looked at his skin and nearly dropped the scroll. He was purple! The sky was just barely brightening, so he hadn¡¯t noticed right away. Between the homunculus scaring him awake, and the contents of the scrolls, he¡¯d been distracted from his appearance.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± Garth shouted, looking over his skin. It was like he¡¯d become part plant. Another thing¡­Garth breathed out, his breath clouding in the early morning air. He shrugged off one side of his robe, exposing his arm to the cold air. He couldn¡¯t feel it, like the cold didn¡¯t matter so much to him anymore.


    It said Temperature Resistance, not Cold resistance. If he were to guess, Garth would think that Beladia had given him the ability to withstand any temperature a plant could.


    ¡°Never want for food or shelter,¡± Garth said, still inspecting his skin. When he pinched it, it still felt pain, and it was no stronger than normal. The texture was the same as before, maybe a little softer. Seems like she made good on her promise, just not in the way I was expecting. Ah well, it helps. The only problem he could see would be having to run around mostly naked all the time to allow his skin to create sugars.


    Garth was curious as to whether the photosynthesis could completely offset the need to eat. The mammalian body consumed energy like a mother fucker, so Garth predicted it was more of a supplement than a replacement, but who knew in this brave new world? Would it diffuse oxygen into his bloodstream? Did he even need oxygen anymore?


    Garth didn¡¯t have the means to test these, aside from starving himself and holding his breath, and he had better things to do than deliberately weaken himself right now. He turned his gaze back to the scroll, picking up where he left off.


    As a significant contributor to the war effort, you killed fifteen first stage Kipling and a Mother, earning the lowest rank of One Star Iron Soldier. With this elevation in status, you will be afforded a stipend of twenty Sphere Credits a week, with a bonus of eighteen for the Kiplings you have destroyed.


    What was a Mother? Something that spawned them perhaps? He hadn¡¯t seen anything like that in the apartment building, but he¡¯d seen the fire spreading before he left. Whatever the Mother was, it was unlikely it could move very quickly, as evidenced by it being caught up in the fire. It was something he could worry about later.


    Garth had a rank now? the lowest one, sure, but he was under the impression that very few other people had even gotten that far.


    Garth¡¯s gaze returned to the scroll.


    Your pay has been deposited in your name with the Sphere Universal Bank. You may spend your wages at any store in the Core Worlds and various outposts on earth. The Sphere believes that no one should have to fight without proper remuneration.


    Garth read and re-read the last paragraphs several times. They gave him pay but not the ability to spend it? The letter didn¡¯t even tell him where to find an outpost. What good was thirty-eight credits if he didn¡¯t have anything to do with it?


    He turned the scroll over and checked the back, looking for any extra information, but the back was blank.


    ¡°Guess the Sphere Universal Bank doesn¡¯t have to pay its debts that often.¡± It was basically valueless to Garth at the moment. He was far more likely to die than he was to find one of these outposts.


    That outposts existed was good news in and of itself, though. It gave him a goal. The word outpost implied military force. If he could find one, he could find safety and shelter, organization. Someone to ask some pointed questions.


    Who knew how much thirty-eight credits would buy him, maybe it was less than the price of a beer, maybe each credit was like an ounce of gold, and he was actually quite wealthy, in either case, that wasn¡¯t what he was interested in. An outpost would be a safe zone. Those were hard to come by.


    ¡°Where do I find an outpost?¡± Garth said, looking at the homunculus, which stared back at him blankly, holding out its clawed hand to receive the tube back. ¡°Agh, fine.¡± Garth picked up the tube again, aiming to put the scroll back in it, when he felt a slight rattle.


    He peered into the leather case, and spotted a slight glimmer. Tilting the tube up, the object tumbled into his hand, revealing a polished wooden idol of Beladia, her nudity almost concealed by carved wooden leaves, blowing a kiss. The figure was only about two inches tall, but it had such intricate detail that Garth knew it had come from her.


    A leather strap and a tiny note also fell into Garth¡¯s palm.


    Kipling will take many forms, they will change and grow, use them to fuel your own growth, my champion.


    Garth took in the words, then looked back at the idol. With a chuckle, Garth slipped the leather strap through a small hole in the idol and hung it over his neck. Garth thought of the dream-rendezvous with the goddess as he touched the wooden figurine.


    ¡°She probably ruined me for life.¡± Garth said. He didn¡¯t think anything would ever compare again. Maybe if he took ecstasy, but that was looking unlikely in the near future.


    Garth handed the scroll case back, and the second homunculus flew away, fluttering into the sky, joining the dozens of others in the sky. It seemed like everyone got the welcome letter with the offer of an upgrade, but only a hundred thousand got the follow up letter and a blessing.


    How good was thirty-five thousandth anyway? Garth knelt down and scratched seven and nine zeros before a thought occurred to him. They said they split humanity in half, so Garth was ranked out of three point five billion. He erased the seven and replaced it before writing thirty five thousand beneath it, counting the decimal places difference.


    Garth¡¯s eyebrows climbed. He was one out of one hundred thousand, approximately, and the people chosen for the god¡¯s blessing were the top three performers out of every hundred thousand. Garth could understand how unusual it was to kill fifteen of those pasty ghouls, but it couldn¡¯t be that unusual, could it? Especially when there were so many kooks with AK47¡¯s and thousands of rounds for them.


    Maybe the Mother was a factor.


    Garth stood up and reviewed his priorities. He needed to find an outpost, and he needed a group to get there without being mobbed by Kipling or shot by looters. Assuming guns still worked.


    He also needed a group for human camoflauge. He was willing to bet people were strung tight enough to shoot anyone on sight with an unnatural skin color right about now. If he had someone walking next to him, demonstrating that he wasn¡¯t a monster, he¡¯d be far less likely to get shot.


    Plus he could always hide behind the other people in his group.


    Garth pulled his knife out and made himself a nice kilt out of his bathrobe, cinching it around his waist with duct tape. He tapped his wounded foot on the forest floor, and didn¡¯t feel any pain. It must¡¯ve healed overnight. Praise Beladia.


    ¡°Welp,¡± Garth said, setting his spear in front of him like a walking stick while he hefted the tool bag, looking like a wild man. ¡°Time to head out.¡±


    The first thing Garth did was find a stream. If the ghouls were afraid of water, there was nothing more reassuring to have beside him than an impassable obstacle for the monsters.


    Once he found a stream, Garth followed it downhill for miles, checking the position of the sun to head roughly back the way he had come. It was dangerous, but he wanted to find people as early as possible.


    About three hours into his hike, Garth heard crashing from the woods to his left. Immediately, he ran into the stream and began to wade to the other side.


    Moments later, a lankey young girl with short red hair, jeans and a tee shirt, who looked about thirteen crashed through the woods, her eyes wide with panic. Not far behind her, Garth could make out pale shapes running between the trees.


    ¡°Come across the river!¡± Garth shouted, waving to her with his makeshift spear.


    The girl spotted Garth and raised a shiny handgun, aimed directly at him.

 Chapter 5: Takin’ ‘Em back to School

    Garth was staring down the barrel of a shiny silver forty-five, and the only thing his panicked brain could think of was ¡®how did that girl¡¯s wrists not get hurt?¡¯.


    ¡°Wait, I¡¯m not a-¡° Garth said, flinching out of the way. A concussive report blasted his ears, and he felt the sting of dirt hitting his skin.


    ¡°I¡¯m not a monster!¡± Garth shouted. Called it. Some distant part of him was smug at predicting the girl¡¯s shoot-first attitude. The rest of him was terrified.


    Sometimes you don¡¯t feel the bullet hole until you find it with your fingers, I wonder if my blood¡¯s purple now too. He thought near hysterically as he patted himself down.


    The girl looked behind her, eyes widening in fright as she spotted the Kipling closing in. She raised the gun and fired off three quick shots, putting down the lead ghoul. She shifted her aim to the second, and the gun was silent.


    Dropping the pistol, she turned and ran toward Garth, taking her chances with him.


    Garth wouldn¡¯t usually do someone a favor after they¡¯d shot at him, hell, he¡¯d probably have found some way to take revenge --Anonymously, so the person didn¡¯t shoot at him again-- But this time, It was a teenage girl who had no business being chased by monsters in the first place.


    On account of the circumstances, Garth decided to give her a pass, starting out across the river with his duct-tape spear held high.


    She was leaping into the river when the remaining ghoul caught her ankle, dropping her face first into the water as Garth charged forward, giving his best barbaric yawp.


    She flipped over and was kicking backward when Garth arrived, taking a stance and plunging his drill bit spear toward the ghoul¡¯s eye. The ghoul flinched backward and the drill bit stopped in front of its face. Damn.


    The month he¡¯d taken boxing lessons as a kid before he¡¯d decided the brain damage wasn¡¯t worth it, the instructor had tried to tell him to punch through the other guy¡¯s head. Garth had never really thought about why. Because they flinch backwards and you miss or deal next to no damage. Same holds true with spears I guess.


    Garth was a complete civilian, hadn¡¯t ever been in a real fight, or entertained joining the military, but he was a fast learner.


    He took another step and plunged the drill bit forward again, aiming for the riverbank beyond the ghoul¡¯s head. The bit caught the monster¡¯s ocular bone and scraped into its eye socket, rocking it¡¯s head back. He could feel the bit rubbing against the bones with his hand, making his hair stand on end.


    ¡°Gyaaa!¡± The ghoul shrieked, closing its long fingers around the duct-taped end of the spear, nearly wrenching it out of his hands as it thrashed.


    ¡°Motherfucker!¡± he muttered through clenched teeth as he tried to pull the spear out of its grasp.


    With a crunch, the girl swung a river rock up and brought the fist-sized weight up against the creature¡¯s skull. It went stiff and fell face first into the stream. Garth pulled the spear the rest of the way out and leaned on it as he helped the girl to her feet. They watched the Kipling twitch in the stream as they caught their breath. Garth was half expecting it to melt away in the water like cotton candy, but the body simply lay there, water swirling around it.


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± Garth said, holding his back and twisting until it popped. He must have tweaked it while he was stabbing the ghoul.


    ¡°Sure,¡± The girl said, staggering out of the stream and looking around the banks for something. A moment later she paused and looked back up at Garth with suspicion.


    ¡°Who the hell are you?¡±


    ¡°My name¡¯s Garth.¡± He said, giving her time to tell him her name. she just scowled and looked him up and down.


    ¡°Why do you look like Barney¡¯s illegitimate love child that got lost in the woods for twenty years?¡±


    ¡°And your name is¡­?¡± he asked, motioning with his hand for her to respond, his patience with the girl running thin. She didn¡¯t come across as the weepy pubescent in a slasher film, that was for sure. Maybe the tough tomboy that dies first or second to prove how badass the killer is.


    ¡°Leanne.¡±


    ¡°Well Leanne, when Barney the Purple Dinosaur and his hot intern love each other very much, they do a special kind of hug that makes babies.¡±


    She frowned.


    ¡°Unfortunately, Barney is a much beloved public figure, and his image would be irreversibly stained by a child born out of wedlock, so he hired some goons to make the hot intern disappear. She managed to get away from them and hide in the woods, and the bad guys claimed they¡¯d killed her so barney didn¡¯t have them iced.¡±


    Her jaw dropped.


    ¡°She spent the next thirty years living in the wilderness of Oklahoma, training me in the art of purple-foo, so that one day, when the time was right, I could return to civilization and avenge my mother.¡±


    Leanne squinted at him, his absurd story visibly replaying in her mind.


    ¡°Anyone ever tell you you¡¯re full of shit?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Anyone ever tell you you¡¯re a soulless ginger?¡± Garth shot back, crossing his arms, mindless of the ice-cold stream of water passing around his ankles. It actually felt kind of nice.


    ¡°Just my dad. I hate my dad.¡±


    Garth chuckled and turned back to his toolbox on the other side of the stream. Grabbing the heavy fabric bag, Garth crossed back over the stream and knelt down beside pale corpse face down in the water, flipping it over.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Leanne asked, coming to stand over his shoulder.


    ¡°You got the letter this morning from the little ugly frog-man?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡±


    ¡°You can read, right?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Her voice had a hard edge to it now.


    ¡°Then you should know these suckers should have some kind of gem beside their heart, it was mentioned in that bureaucratic form letter.¡± Garth pulled out a drywall cutter from the bag and traced it along the ghoul¡¯s chest. The thin blade peeled away the first layer of skin, but refused to make a dent on its ribcage.


    ¡°Damn,¡± he muttered, taking out his chisel and tapping it against the creature¡¯s rib bones with his palm.


    ¡°Whoah¡­¡± Leanne knelt down beside him, her eyes focused on the creature¡¯s guts with unbridaled curiosity.


    ¡°Could you pass me that rock?¡± Garth pointed at a hand sized rock on the bank. hitting it against the chisel, he was able to crack the bones and pry away each individual rib, until the internal organs lay bare before them. After a minute of searching, he found the gemstone in a pocket of skin buried just behind the heart.


    Maybe it would be faster getting to it through the back? He thought as he studied the gemstone. It was a muddy brown, partially opaque stone with minor flecks and inclusions. Garth almost thought it was a pinkie sized blood clot until he felt how hard it was, washed it off and held it up to the light.


    Well, you only live once. Garth thought, putting the pinkie sized gemstone into his mouth and swallowing it.


    ¡°Why¡¯d you swallow it?¡± Leanne asked.


    ¡°The letter said to ¡®consume¡¯ the Heartstone.¡± Garth said. ¡°Unless consume was a metaphor or used in a completely different sense, it means ¡®eat¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Alright then,¡± Leanne said, holding out her hand. ¡°Gimme the chisel, I¡¯ll give you this one because you helped me out, and I shot at you, but that one-¡° She pointed at the ghoul with three bullet holes ¡°That one¡¯s mine.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough.¡± Garth said, passing her the chisel and rock before climbing to his feet and carefully stretching his back. Garth thought he could feel something, a tingling warmth at the edge of his perception, but it wasn¡¯t like popeye with his spinach, he couldn¡¯t feel a profound difference.


    Add another condition to surviving: eat enough Heartstones to kill a bear barehanded.


    As he was considering the best way to get large quantities of farm fresh Kipling Heartstones straight to his door, Garth¡¯s gaze landed on the patch of wet sandy bank beside the ghoul¡¯s corpse. There was dead moss where his knees and shins had rested, in two distinct leg-marks.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± Garth knelt down to look at them. The moss crumbled away from his fingers as he touched it, looking as if it had been dead for years. Garth was fairly confident he didn¡¯t just sit on the only shin-shaped clumps of moss in the entire state. It had to have something to do with him.


    hyper fertility? He put his hand down beside the moss and held it there, glancing at Leanne hack away at the other ghoul¡¯s chest while keeping his head on a swivel in case more baddies showed up.


    A scant minute later, he felt something tickling the underside of his palm, writhing beneath it like it was alive. When he pulled his hand away, he saw a palm-print shaped clump of moss. The dense green plant continued to grow for a minute or two, expanding visibly in front of him before it slowly began to turn yellow, then orange, and finally grey.


    Well, Garth thought, standing. At least I know what hyper fertility does now. The question now was, how could he leverage it to his advantage?


    Could I grow food in a matter of minutes? could I grow¡­ Garth¡¯s eyes widened as he realized the implications. It was just an idea right now, he had no idea if it would work or not, but there was a possibility he could make any kind of plant he wanted. And he meant any kind.


    Pitcher plant that weeps highly flammable oil? No problem. Making an american version of bamboo that grows in an instant, spearing its victims? easy.


    Maybe even some kickass weed that didn¡¯t make Garth paranoid. Or cocaine. Drug lord of the apocalypse, that¡¯s Garth Daniels. That would probably make Beladia sad, so maybe not. Probably not a good idea to piss off the person giving you your powers.


    His mind reeled with the limitless possibilities.


    ¡°What¡¯cha doin?¡± Leanne said, coming over to the stream to wipe off her stone. It looked a little more transparent than the other one, with a pebbly exterior, but it was definitely the same thing.


    ¡°Having an epiphany.¡± Garth said. He glanced over at her. ¡°You know any libraries near the edge of town? The Maddison library is in the center of town, same with the Coffee Hut.¡±


    ¡°My school¡¯s got a library, it¡¯s just over there.¡± She said, nodding the way she¡¯d come.


    ¡°Excellent.¡± Garth said, heading that way. Leanne watched him go for a second before stuffing the gem in her pocket and picking the .45 off the dirt and brushing it off, jogging to catch up.


    ¡°Not eating yours?¡± Garth asked, glancing over his shoulder.


    ¡°Nah, you¡¯re my purple guinea pig,¡± Leanne said, coming abreast of him. She glanced up at Garth¡¯s face, squinting against the morning sunlight. ¡°If you start convulsing and bleeding from every orifice, can I have your spear?¡±


    ¡°Sure, kid.¡±


    ¡°So what¡¯s so important that you gotta go to the school to get it? You helped me out and I gotta pay you back, but I don¡¯t really wanna go back there.¡±


    Garth stopped and looked at her. ¡°Was there anything still alive in there when you left?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said, avoiding eye contact. ¡°I just¡­rather wouldn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Books.¡±


    ¡°Books?¡±


    ¡°If I¡¯m going to a library, it¡¯s to get books, obviously.¡±


    ¡°What, you gonna beat the slendermen to death with them?¡±


    ¡°Slenderman wears clothes. I call them ghouls.¡±


    ¡°Whatever.¡±


    ¡°I want an encyclopedia of north American plants.¡± Garth said as the trees thinned. He could make out the schoolyard a few dozen feet beyond the tree line. He swept his gaze back and forth across the field, and couldn¡¯t spot any of the pasty bastards.


    ¡°That¡¯s stupid.¡±


    Garth stopped and leaned against a tree and glanced at the ragged girl with half-soaked clothes.


    ¡°Look, Leanne, I could have taken the evocation specialist wizard glass cannon build, and it would have been fun, but everyone worth their salt knows that a druid has far more survivability, so I swallowed my pride and I took the Druid. Wanna be my animal companion?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re crazy.¡±


    ¡°Just weird.¡± Garth corrected, hunkering down to pick up a little brown fleck off the ground. Garth turned it over in his hand, resting it on his palm. It was an elm seed from the summer before. ¡°Now I¡¯m pretty sure if I get a book on edible wild plants, I can keep us fed all the way to the coast without having to dive in and out of cities and risk getting eaten in turn. We have to think about the long term here.¡±


    ¡°How are you gonna do that?¡± Leanne asked.


    Garth felt a tingling in his palm, some current passing between him and the tiny seed in his hand, but it didn¡¯t sprout in his palm. He found that if he concentrated on it, he could amp up the tingling, or make it go away almost entirely, still it wouldn¡¯t sprout. Must need dirt.


    ¡°Hold this.¡± Garth said, reaching into his bag and handing her his scuffed up buck knife. He then took the seed and put it on the tip of his finger before jamming it down into the dirt.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t start making sense, I¡¯m just gonna have to-¡°


    Leanne¡¯s mouth hung open as a sprout climbed out of the ground. It started as a tiny seedling with two little leaves reaching up and touching the tip of Garth¡¯s finger, sowly writhing out of the ground, surging up like he was pulling it out of the ground himself. Every second, Garth made sure to keep in contact with it, since he didn¡¯t know how long it would keep growing before it died.


    ¡°Could you trim the lower branches, please?¡± Garth said, climbing to his feet to follow the elm at about six inches a minute. Garth grabbed one of his smaller chisels and began to weave the top branches around the handle. The branches swelled under his fingers, cinching tight around the handle.


    After a stunned moment, Leanne did as he asked, shearing away the lower branches until Garth told her to stop. He took his hand off the sapling and used the buck knife to cut off the base.


    ¡°There you go,¡± He said, handing her the short spear. ¡°You needed something to back me up with.¡±


    ¡°I think I see what you mean.¡± Leanne said, hefting the wrist-thick wood that had fused around the chisel handle.


    ¡°Okay, still looks clear, let¡¯s go in.¡± Garth said, leading the charge toward the parking lot. According to Leanne, the back doors were locked, so the only way in and out of the school was the front door.


    When he pressed the steel doors open, the faint stench of rotting meat wafted into his nose.


    ¡°I can see why you didn¡¯t wanna go back.¡± Garth whispered as they crept through the dark halls. About halfway down the hall, they came to an intersection. Garth peered down the halls. Remember to look both ways, kids. Halfway down the ajoining hall was a dead ghoul with a gaping hole in its head.


    ¡°You?¡± Garth whispered, glancing back at her. In the dim light, he saw her nod.


    ¡°What¡¯s down there?¡±


    ¡°Detention room.¡± she said, her voice faint. ¡°Erik Porter, William Yates, and Ms. Henner.¡±


    ¡°You knew them?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the principal.¡± Leanne said, pointing at the ghoul corpse. So they really did start as human? Garth filed that away and set his mind to task.


    ¡°Did you take the stones out of their chests?¡± he asked. Leanne shook her head.


    ¡°I¡¯ll do it, okay? Just watch my back.¡± Might as well spare the girl from eviscerating anyone she recognized.


    She nodded.


    Poor girl must have put a bullet between the eyes of people she knew. No wonder she didn¡¯t want to come back here. Then why did she? She doesn¡¯t know me well enough for that. Garth mused to himself as he approached the corpse on the floor, keeping his eyes on the body.


    A snake that¡¯s been dead for days can still bite you.


    ¡°Okeeey,¡± he said, flipping the corpse over with the butt of his spear. The ex-principal¡¯s lipless mouth gave it a toothy grin below the gaping bullet hole in its forehead. The second thing he noticed was another, more impressive gaping hole in the creature¡¯s chest.


    His heart was gone, taken clean out of his chest.


    The sight sent chills down his spine. There¡¯s someone else in here. Someone or something had already looted the poor principal, relieving him of his Heartstone.


    Garth turned and ran back to Leanne, his duct tape moccasins whisper quiet on the tiled floor. ¡°Did you see anyone come in as you were leaving?¡± he whispered.


    She shook her head.


    ¡°Were there any people in here that weren¡¯t accounted for?¡± he asked quietly.


    Leanne was about to answer when the double doors slammed open, spilling light into the main hall.


    ¡°Gawd-damn, it¡¯s dark in here!¡± a silhouetted man with a AR-15 shouted. He was followed by two more heavyset men with heavyset guns.


    Rednecks.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 6: Confrontation

    Garth dragged Leanne into the side hall while the men were still blinded by the sudden change in brightness.


    ¡°Yeah, I use¡¯ta work in the cafeteria, a few years gone by.¡± Garth heard the armed man say as he quietly tried the nearest door handle. Locked.


    ¡°So you was a lunch lady?¡± another voice chimed in, rougher, with the timbre of someone who smoked a pack a day. The third man chuckled.


    Garth tried another door, finding it locked as well. The particular hall they were in was a dead end, with no way to turn out of sight. Once the three guys with guns came to the intersection, Garth and Leanne would be smack dab in the middle of a straight shot. Fish in a barrel.


    Leanne tapped on his side and wordlessly pointed to the detention room, door half open. He glanced back to the intersection, where he could hear the men¡¯s brazen footsteps and loud chatter approaching. He didn¡¯t want to go in that room, on the off chance that whoever or whatever took those Heartstones was still in there, but they were running out of options.


    ¡°Shut¡¯cher mouth.¡± The lead man said. ¡°Anyway, due to ma perfect recollection, I remembered that they restock non-perishables at the end of the month.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it the beginning of the month, though?¡± Garth heard the second voice speak again. A stunned silence hung in the air as they came to the intersection, and Garth saw them staring at their companion before he ducked inside the room.


    ¡°What happens after the end of the month, Roger?¡±


    ¡°Well, I-I see something!¡±


    Garth cursed internally and stepped further into the room, trying not to let his shadow move in front of the door. Hanging above him was the dark, motionless form of a naked woman, seemingly glued to the upper corner of the room by her own flesh.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Something moving, over there!¡±


    Garth heard the sound of guns being raised, and his skin went cold. He looked around for places to hide. In the other corner was something fleshy, squat and fat with little nubs coming out of the sides, a huge, lumpy shape his brain couldn¡¯t quite process. Against the far wall  Leanne was trying to pry open a window, but it was locked and near rusted shut. At the front of the room was a lectern and against the hall side was a large, standing cabinet.


    Garth ran up to her and dragged her silently to the lectern and shoved her under it before closing himself in the teacher¡¯s standing supply cabinet.


    A few sheets of paper fell out as he went in, with stupid little connect-the-dots pictures made by solving math problems. Garth didn¡¯t hear them say anything, so he prayed they hadn¡¯t heard it.


    ¡°It¡¯s just one of them creepers.¡± He heard one of them say.


    ¡°It¡¯s got a hole in it¡¯s chest,¡± Roger said. ¡°Looks like there were people here. Think they got the food already?¡±


    ¡°Roger, I¡¯m gonna ask you to stop talking. Maybe take a page from Doug¡¯s book here. everyone thinks Doug¡¯s a goddamn einstein because he only speaks when he¡¯s sure he¡¯s right. Isn¡¯t that right, Doug?¡±


    Doug didn¡¯t say anything.


    ¡°See? Anyway this only proves a person shot it, then something waited to eat the heart in the last twelve hours or so, then something moved it again afterwards. See there? I saw those creepers eat one of their own once, they go for the heart first to take the stone, then if they¡¯re hungry they¡¯ll eat the rest.¡±


    ¡°The thing I saw moving was further down the hall.¡± Roger said.


    ¡°Let¡¯s check it out, make sure we¡¯re alone here, then head to the cafeteria.¡± Their leader said.


    ¡°Doug, watch our backs.¡±


    Garth waited in breathless silence, trapped in the cabinet while they approached down the hall, all the while assaulted by every way this situation could take a horrible turn that landed him with a bullet in his guts and slowly bleeding out.


    If they caught Leanne, he¡¯d have to try to talk them down, then they¡¯d probably shoot him and cut out his heart while he was still alive. The letter hadn¡¯t specified the heartsones being limited to Kipling, after all.


    Thanks imagination, real nice.


    ¡°Hahaaa- Look what we got here! I always wondered what Jennifer looked like wearing nothing but a smile. I guess she ain¡¯t smillin¡¯ though. Hey you think it was one of these things you saw flappin¡¯ in the wind?¡± Their leader reached up with the tip of his rifle and swung one of the woman¡¯s pendulous breasts.


    ¡°Maybe.¡± Roger said.


    ¡°UURK!¡± Garth heard one of them heave.


    ¡°Jeezus, Doug, aim it in the corner, we gotta walk through here.¡± Roger said.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± Came a hoarse groan from Doug.


    ¡°Well, her chest¡¯s got a hole in it too,¡± their leader said. ¡°How about that one over there?¡±


    ¡°Feeder¡¯s torn open too.¡± Roger walked deeper into the room, his feet coming dangerously close to the cabinet where Garth was hiding.


    ¡°Wanna check the cabinets?¡±


    Ah, scenario number 5, found by the dumb one then riddled with bullets.


    ¡°Nah, whatever was here cut these things open did it hours ago, an¡¯ we¡¯ve bigger fish,¡± Their leader said. ¡°Let¡¯s get to the cafeteria. Best thing we can do now is to get the food and get out of here quick. Let¡¯s be careful though. Doug, I want you to watch our backs as we go, I mean to have you lit¡¯relly walk backwards and Roger, you hold his shoulder. I don¡¯t want nothin¡¯ sneaking up on us.¡±


    ¡°Yessir, Mr. Ex-Marine, sir.¡± Roger sneered as he turned away.


    ¡°Alright.¡± Doug gasped between throwups.


    The shadow outside the cabinet went away as Roger went back to the doorway. In a few seconds, the gun-toting trio had left the room. Garth waited a silent minute to be sure, then peeked out.


    Empty room.


    Leanne crawled out from under the lectern as Garth stepped out into the room.


    ¡°What now?¡± she whispered.


    ¡°Is the library near the cafeteria?¡±


    She shook her head. ¡°The library is a straight shot  down that hall, the cafeteria is to the left, on the far end of the school.¡±


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go to the library.¡±


    She cocked her head. ¡°Now?¡±


    ¡°There are no guarantees in life. Let¡¯s grab the book I need while it¡¯s still there. This place could burst into flame or be swarmed with baddies for all we know if we wait for those guys to finish.¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± Leanne said, ¡°but then we¡¯re getting something better than a chisel.¡±


    ¡°Deal.¡± Garth listened out the door for a moment before ducking his head out. No bullet to the face from Doug, that much was good. It looked like they¡¯d already turned the corner.


    The two of them stalked to the intersection, waiting for the chatter to dim behind a cafeteria door before continuing to the library.


    The library sprawled out in front of them at the bottom of the stairs, a humble six shelves worth of books beside a few chairs to read them. At the end of each row was a window showing the bright, sunny day outside.


    They crept into the musty library, darting around beams of light like skittish animals, until they came to the third row, where Garth found a thick book titled ¡®Edible plants of north America, an Encyclopedia¡¯.


    ¡°Holy crap, I can¡¯t believe you found something.¡± Leanne said, shaking her head.


    ¡°It¡¯s not exactly what I wanted, but I¡¯ll settle for it.¡± Garth said, turning the book over in his hand. He¡¯d hoped for some more technical books on all the plants of north America and their characteristics, but what did he expect from a middle school? He¡¯d already hit a home run with the book by itself.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s-¡° Garth started to speak when the door slammed open.


    ¡°They got cart in here we can use to-¡° The leader stopped and glanced down at  Garth and Leanne standing in the middle of the room.


    ¡°Well, look what we have here. Looters.¡± He sneered as he leveled the AR-15 at them.


    ¡°Whoah, don¡¯t shoot,¡± Garth said, his hands up, coming to stand in front of Leanne. What the hell was he doing? Garth¡¯s first instinct was to run and hide, but he knew that would get him shot, so he tried to defuse the situation. As for why he stood in front of Leanne, that escaped him.


    Maybe he was nobler than he thought?


    Maybe if they think I¡¯m willing to protect little blonde girls from harm, they¡¯ll think I¡¯m cool?


    Garth was still muddling through his thought process when the leader spoke.


    ¡°Give me a reason not to.¡± He said, aiming the rifle at Garth¡¯s chest.


    Ummm..


    ¡°You can have our stone!¡± Leanne shouted behind Garth, holding out her pocketed rock. ¡°We got one off a ghoul an hour ago.¡±


    The leader¡¯s eyes narrowed. ¡°I could just take it off your corpses.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± Garth said, thinking fast. ¡°You would lose the opportunity to take it again.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Think about it, back in medieval Europe, they didn¡¯t kill knights if they caught them, they ransomed them back to their lords, pirates worked much the same. All of it with a minimum of bloodshed. There¡¯s so few humans left in one day, can we afford to lose more? Right now, you¡¯re establishing a precedent. If you and others just kill everyone you see, one day you¡¯re gonna meet a bigger group of people who¡¯ll gun you down.


    ¡°But!¡± Garth shouted, his adrenaline stating to make his legs shake as he stared down the barrel of the gun. ¡°This can be civil, like old times. You take a ransom from us, send us on our way, then if you catch us again, you can take what we have again, no guns fired. We wave the white flag, everything¡¯s civil. That way, when you finally come across a bigger group than yours, you can wave the white flag and get away alive, with lighter pockets rather than a few extra ounces of lead.¡±


    ¡°I see what you¡¯re getting at.¡± The leader said, his grey eye flickering to Leanne peering out behind Garth. ¡°Waste not, want not. Keep your guns on ¡®em.¡± He raised his rifle and stepped forward, into the light of the library. The man had a bit of grey in his short cropped hair, his face showing maybe twenty years more than Garth. He had a scar running from his bottom lip up to a glass eye, and he looked like he worked out four hours a day, having the toned body of a twenty year old marine.


    What the hell was this guy dong working in a cafeteria??


    This was Garth¡¯s first meeting with Harold Tucker.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name, kid?¡± he said, looking Garth up and down, ¡°and why are you purple?¡±


    Garth didn¡¯t feel like it was a good time to mouth off with two guns trained on him.


    ¡°Garth Daniels, I had a dream about a goddess and woke up purple.¡±


    ¡°Huh. My name¡¯s Harold Turner, and I think you understand what kind of situation you¡¯re in, Garth Daniels.¡±


    ¡°Pretty clear, yep.¡±


    ¡°So let¡¯s be clear. When I ask you a question, I don¡¯t want the short and sweet answer. I want you to spill your guts. Why. Are. You. Purple.¡±


    Garth spilled his guts. He told them about the gods and goddesses, the extra letter he¡¯d gotten in the morning, his rank as a one star iron soldier, the outposts, his weekly pay, everything he could think of.


    Everything except for his blessings. Other than photosynthesis and temperature resistance, he kept quiet. Garth had a feeling if they knew he could make plants grow in a matter of seconds, they would hobble him like in Misery and use him as a portable food production device.


    It¡¯s what Garth would have done, had he been playing one of his role-playing games. Taking the evilest, most ruthless course of action was easy when the stakes were low, and there was nothing worse than hurt feelings and spilt soda, but in the real world, Garth realized how green he really was.


    Harold, on the other hand, was not green. Something told Garth that the old marine was flipping that little switch in his head that made you not wanna kill people, psyching himself up.


    ¡°¡¯know where one of these outposts is?¡± Harold said, inspecting the nude goddess stature hanging under Garth¡¯s neck.


    ¡°No, I was gonna look for one after this.¡±


    ¡°Edible Plants of North America, huh?¡± Harold said, picking the book up from where Garth had dropped it. ¡°Not a bad idea.¡± He handed the book to Roger. Garth didn¡¯t know which of the two was Roger and which was Doug at first until he spotted a bit of vomit on Doug¡¯s shirt.


    Roger was a mildly overweight middle aged man with a heavy frame of muscle and fat, easily two hundred and fifty pounds, wearing a worn out carhartt jacket to ward against the cold outside. He sneered as he held a shotgun leveled at them.


    Doug was a little younger, about Garth¡¯s age, slimmer than the others, with a cleft palate, a blue sweater and an AK-47 leveled at them.


    Harold listened until the end of Garth¡¯s speech, then began to cross-examine him.


    ¡°So the-¡° his voice turned sour. ¡°¡¯gods¡¯ of these people that did this to us, rewarded you for burning down an apartment building and running like a bitch?¡±


    ¡°I guess so.¡±


    ¡°And what did you specialize in, when the letters came?¡±


    ¡°Intelligence.¡± Garth said.


    Harold¡¯s eyes narrowed before a burst of laughter came from Roger.


    ¡°Hah! What are you gonna do, think ¡®em to death?¡±


    ¡°Shut up, Rog,¡± Harold said before turning his attention back to Garth. ¡°So you think you can play the long game, hole away on the side of a mountain somewhere until things settle down?¡±


    ¡°The thought had occurred to me.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°You know what I hate worse than flesh eating monsters? A fucking coward. But even cowards have their uses. Give me the stone.¡±


    Leanne handed the stone over, and Harold turned it over a couple times in the beam of sunlight from the window before tossing his head back and swallowing it.


    ¡°Now give me the gun.¡± Leanne handed that over too. In a swift motion, Harold loosed the clip and checked the chamber before putting the gun in the back of his pants.


    ¡°Now give me the kid.¡±


    Garth¡¯s blood went cold. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You told me yourself. People are gonna be hard to come by in the coming years. You couldn¡¯t fight your way out of a wet paper bag, what makes you think you could keep her alive? Manpower is gonna be valuable in the coming years, especially girls with a look like that.¡± Garth¡¯s skin crawled.


    ¡°She¡¯s not mine.¡± Garth said slowly. ¡°You¡¯ll have to ask her.¡± How the hell was he supposed to stop this guy?


    ¡°What do you think, young lady, wanna learn how to work a gun?¡± Harold said softly, kneeling in front of Leanne.


    Leanne looked at him with a scowl. ¡°I can¡¯t trust you.¡±


    ¡°What makes you say that?¡± Harold said, face expressionless.


    ¡°But you can trust me when I tell you that I¡¯ll put something sharp through the neck of anyone who touches me.¡± Leanne said.


    Harold broke into a grin. ¡°I like you. We¡¯ll have to see how long you can keep that up.¡± His arm snaked forward and caught Leanne on the chin, rocking her head back. The girl¡¯s eyes rolled back in her head, and her body went limp.


    Garth moved forward to catch her when a fist caught him in his diaphragm, cutting off his air and dropping him to his knees. Harold stood with the girl over his shoulder.


    ¡°Thanks for the intel Garth,¡± he said, looking back at Roger and Doug.


    ¡°Shoot him.¡±

 Chapter 7: Gunfight at the Library

    Doug hesitated, and Garth lunged toward a bookshelf. Roger on the other hand, brought his shotgun to his shoulder and fired, filling the quiet library with ear-piecing sound and shrapnel.


    Garth slid behind a bookshelf, his aching back overshadowed by the buckshot in his right outer thigh.


    ¡°Gaah!¡± He couldn¡¯t help but give a ragged scream before cutting it off and crawling desperately toward the window. Whoever said you didn¡¯t feel the shot until your adrenaline slowed down was full of shit.


    Options.


    He still had his spear. He could break the glass and jump out the window. Making his way around the outside wall was the fastest way to get himself out of line-of-sight. Getting out of line-of-sight was good. An AR-15 would pick him off from hundreds of yards.


    ¡°I think I pinked him!¡± Roger said, Garth could hear the smile in his voice.


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter Doug?¡± Garth heard Harold¡¯s voice as he crawled toward the window, followed by another shotgun blast that sent bits of paper and wood raining down on him like confetti.


    ¡°He didn¡¯t¡­do anything wrong, did he?¡± Doug said.


    ¡°¡¯Gotta read between the lines, Doug. He took up with a foreign power, accepted pay from them to act against us in a time of war. Lit¡¯relly the definition of high treason.¡±


    ¡°But.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t But!¡± Harold roared, his words cut off by another shotgun blast that dropped more confetti and sent a splinter of wood flying into Garth¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°I know that type. Seen ¡®em before in the Marines. He¡¯d play nice while we¡¯d a gun on him, then killed us the moment the shoe was on the other foot. Now do you want to live, or do you want to let some goddamned TRAITOR put a bullet in your spine?¡±


    ¡°I wanna live.¡± Doug said.


    Me too, asshole. Garth could hear the squeak of Rogers shoes coming down the stairs. The lumbering bastard was planning on getting a clean shot on him.


    Just a few more feet to the window.


    Break the glass.


    Run away.


    Garth chanted his two-step plan to survival over and over as he approached the window. Apparently he wasn¡¯t going fast enough, because he heard Roger¡¯s smug voice behind him.


    ¡°Say goodnight, sunshine.¡± Roger said, his lips curled up in a sneer.


    ¡°Wait-¡± Garth said as Roger raised the shotgun to his shoulder. Why are people¡¯s last words always stupid? Garth¡¯s fear addled-mind supplied as the barrel of the shotgun became a light-devouring black hole. Ah crap. I hope there¡¯s an afterlife. Maybe if they send my soul to hang out with Beladia, it won¡¯t be so bad. Then again, it could be putting your hand in a blender for all of eternity. Still don¡¯t wanna die.


    A pale, leonine shape stood up from behind the librarian¡¯s desk. It looked a bit like a white, furless tiger. Garth had a great view of the thing beginning to stalk Roger.


    ¡°Roger!¡± Harold barked.


    Roger glanced to his right, toward Harold. ¡°I got this, what-¡° his gaze followed the direction of Harold¡¯s gun before his words were cut off by a blast of gunfire. A second later, the cat-thing landed on Roger, driving the wind out of him in an unmanly squawk.


    ¡°Wait-¡° Roger gasped before the monster reached down with four inch teeth and bit the back of Roger¡¯s spine, turning the heavyset man into a shivering slab of meat. It looked between Garth and Harold, deciding whether to take the unwounded human and finish him off later.


    ¡°Goddamnit!¡± Garth heard Harold scream between blasts of automatic gunfire. A line of bright red blood bloomed on the side of the Kipling, causing it to stagger. It leapt off the shuddering corpse and charged Harold, wading through a hail of gunfire. Garth heard Doug¡¯s voice screaming as more shots were fired around the corner of the bookshelf.


    Time seemed to slow down. Garth looked at the shotgun held in Roger¡¯s twitching fingers, still vaguely pointed towards him. He looked at the window. In a brilliant flash of inspiration, one that came so naturally when he was standing above a table dictating the actions of a pewter figurine, he knew what he had to do.


    Garth¡¯s reasoning was thus: if he jumped out the window now, whoever won the fight would track him down and kill him. If he took the gun and ran, he¡¯d have maybe a decent chance, but if the Kipling won, Leanne would still be dead.


    That left grabbing the shotgun and mowing down whoever was standing at the end of the fight. It was opportunistic, cold, and 99% of Garth wanted to turn tail and run away from the storm of gunfire, but he knew it was his only chance of wrestling the best outcome out of this shit-storm.


    ¡°Fuck,¡± he muttered under his breath as he crawled forward, bullets shredding the shelves above him. The deafening gunfire stopped, Harold running out of ammo as he reached the shotgun. The handle was partially laying in Roger¡¯s expanding pool of blood.


    Garth didn¡¯t have time to be squeamish, grabbing the handle and levering himself to his feet, putting his weight on his uninjured leg and leaning on a bookshelf as he kept an eye on Harold.


    The grizzled marine tossed aside his empty rifle and leapt on the staggering Kipling in a move that was nothing short of heroic. If there was a televised apocalypse, it would have found its way onto the highlight reel. Harold unsheathed a massive knife and plunged it down into the monster¡¯s neck over and over as it thrashed, cursing and flailing. Finally the beast went down.


    Panting, Harold stood up, his tight T-shirt and jeans covered in blood.


    ¡°Serves ya right, you¡­¡± He froze when he spotted Garth leaning against the bookshelf, shotgun trained on him.


    He raised his hands and put on a sheepish grin, knife dangling from his thumb. ¡°Now-¡°


    Garth pulled the trigger.


    The shotgun erupted in sound and fury, slamming against Garth¡¯s shoulder with more force than expected, shifting his weight onto his wounded leg. Both men went down, howling in pain.


    A gout of fresh blood was oozing out of Harold¡¯s stomach as he climbed to his feet. The old man snarled as he lunged forward.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna feed you your own cock, you little-¡°


    Garth managed to focus through the dizziness, and the thought that gee, there¡¯s a lot of blood under my right leg, just in time to lift the shotgun again, this time in a kneeling position.


    Harold¡¯s eyes widened, and with speed Garth wouldn¡¯t have attributed to a wounded man pushing fifty, he juked to the right just before the blast of buckshot. The shotgun slammed into Garth¡¯s shoulder a second time, and seconds later, he heard the sound of a shattering window as Harold jumped out the window knife-first, followed by the man¡¯s retreating footsteps.


    Garth sighed and drooped down onto his ass, leaning against the bookshelf as he inspected his leg. There were three discrete holes oozing blood where the buckshot had tunneled into him. The good news was that the pellets had gone right through, so he wouldn¡¯t have to preform self-surgery and dig the lead out of himself. The bad news was that the pellets had gone all the way through, making him bleed like a motherfucker.


    Gotta get some pressure on this, Garth thought as he pushed himself up and limped toward his bag. With shaking hands, Garth slapped some clean rags from behind the librarian¡¯s desk over his wounds, binding it with duct-tape.


    My blood¡¯s still red, guess whatever¡¯s turning me purple is in the skin. Wish I knew more about biology. Maybe it¡¯s a symbiotic bacteria? Garth mused as he worked, trying to take his mind off the pain. He had to work fast to take advantage of the situation. Harold would probably go somewhere and lick his wounds for a time, but there were no guarantees in life, and Garth didn¡¯t want to be hanging around if the hardbitten scumbag decided to pay the library another visit sooner rather than later.


    Leanne was laying prone, strewn across the stairs where Harold had dropped her in the fight. Garth checked her head, but didn¡¯t feel a lump or blood, so he didn¡¯t think she¡¯d hit her head. She was just still knocked out from the bastard¡¯s punch to the girl¡¯s jaw. She was still breathing, too, so that was good.


    ¡°Leanne, wake up!¡± Garth said, shaking the girl. He could use some extra hands right about NOW. Try as he might, though, the girl refused to rouse. About five feet away from her, Doug rested against the bottom of the stairs, his hand clutching a deep claw wound on his stomach.


    Doug was panting, taking shallow, pained breaths as he tracked Garth¡¯s progress through the library. He struggled to speak as Garth walked up to him and picked up his rifle. Garth set it out of the wounded man¡¯s reach.


    Damn, I¡¯m sleepy. That can¡¯t be good.


    Garth¡¯s gaze caught on the cat-thing. It had a Heartstone in it. One that was promised to make him superhuman. Maybe it could help with surviving gunshot wounds. He pulled out his biggest chisel and got to work.


    Five minutes later, Garth was inspecting the thumb-sized stone pried from beneath the Kipling¡¯s heart. It was bright green, its texture pebbled, with hints of green sparkling from the inside. Garth ate it, and felt a pleasant tingling begin to spread across his entire body.


    The sleepiness was blown away in a matter of minutes, leaving him feeling like he¡¯d just downed a couple energy drinks with no regard for his own safety.


    ¡°Holy shit,¡± he said, blinking. Garth had never needed glasses in his daily life, but things beyond fifty feet out were fairly blurry. To his amazement, everything on the opposite side of the library came into sharp focus, and he accidentally began reading the spines of the books across the room. His attention was drawn to Doug¡¯s harsh breathing rasping against his ears.


    He needed to decide what to do with Doug.


    Easiest thing to do was take Leanne and leave him here. Garth wouldn¡¯t be able to take care of two invalids, especially when he¡¯d been shot in the leg. Maybe he¡¯d put the guy out of his misery and collect their Heartstones, assuming humans had them. Well, he could check Roger first.


    Garth heard a sharp intake of breath as Leanne woke up, clutching her head.


    ¡°What happened?¡± she asked, frowning as she glanced around the now-destroyed library.


    ¡°Fight broke out, we got lucky,¡± he said, turning Roger¡¯s corpse over and tearing open the man¡¯s shirt, fighting down a wave of nausea as the formerly living man stared up at the ceiling. The fat bastard had a poorly drawn tattoo of a naked woman just above his left tit. Guy should have gotten a refund.


    ¡°Okay.¡± Leanne said, climbing to her feet. Her gaze settled on the rifle in the corner of the room, and she walked over to it, hefting Doug¡¯s gun with a look of concentration.


    ¡°Whatever you do,¡± Garth said, looking down at Roger and psyching himself up to dissect a human, ¡°Don¡¯t point that at me, and keep you finger off the trigger.¡±


    To her credit, the girl didn¡¯t give him the usual teenage outrage at being told something obvious, merely replying with ¡°okay.¡±


    Leanne came and stood over Garth¡¯s shoulder as he began cutting through the fat of Roger¡¯s chest.


    ¡°Neat.¡± She said, peering down at the corpse. Garth¡¯s jaw dropped, and he looked at the morbidly curious child over his shoulder.


    ¡°You shoulda been a doctor, I guess,¡± he said, getting back to it. ¡°You¡¯ve got the gun, keep an eye out for any more coming, okay?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± Leanne looked away, casting her gaze around the room while Garth cracked Roger open like a fat, blood-filled, nasty smelling lobster. after a minute of digging, he found a red gem beneath the man¡¯s heart, without any fire, and a surface so rough it dragged across Garth¡¯s thumb as he wiped it off.


    ¡°Got it,¡± he said, grabbing the nearby bookshelf and dragging himself to his feet. Garth turned around and saw Leanne fixing the dying man with an odd stare. She grabbed Garth and dragged him out of earshot.


    ¡°We should help him.¡± She said, nodding her head toward the injured man.


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Because, we can trust him.¡±


    Garth ran through recent events in his memory, and while it was true that Doug was unwilling to shoot him on Harold¡¯s say-so, it didn¡¯t mean they should throw their lot in with him wholeheartedly.


    ¡°You think so?¡± he asked, to which Leanne nodded. ¡°You got any concrete reasoning for that?¡±


    ¡°You know that dream you had where you made it with the goddess of fertility, then woke up part freaky plant-man?¡±


    He nodded.


    ¡°I had something similar happen last night.¡±


    ¡°You got laid in your sleep?¡±


    ¡°No, shut up.¡± Leanne said, rolling her eyes and scowling. ¡°What I¡¯m saying is, I know that we can trust him. Without a doubt.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Leanne was in the top hundred thousand too, apparently, and was blessed with a handy-dandy little Trustworthiness HUD, apparently. Good to know. Garth wondered whether he or Doug was the more trustworthy. Probably Doug.


    Seeing how drastically Garth had been changed by a single dream, he decided not to question it. It didn¡¯t seem outside the realm of possibility at this point, anyway. He shrugged and limped over to where Doug lay panting


    ¡°Hello Doug, can you hear me?¡±


    Doug nodded.


    ¡°Doug, if you don¡¯t get some help, you¡¯re going to die.¡±


    Doug gave a whine between breaths.


    ¡°Please,please,please,¡± he panted with each breath.


    ¡°If you die, I¡¯m going to carve the stone out of your chest and eat it.¡± Garth held up Roger¡¯s stone so the wounded man could see it.


    ¡°Please, please,please¡­¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re not gonna die, because we¡¯re gonna help you.¡±


    Doug¡¯s shuddering gasps slowed.


    ¡°Open your mouth.¡±

 Chapter 8: Obligatory Grinding and Harold’s Day

    Garth pried open Doug¡¯s mouth and shoved the stone into it, forcing him to swallow. Once that was done, he had Leanne help him get the wounded man onto one of the library carts. They tucked his guts back into his stomach and pinched the ragged edges of flesh together, sealing it with superglue until they could find something better to stitch it together with.


    Leanne did the delicate work, tucking the bloody, ropy guts back in while Garth held Doug down. She wiped the wound dry before applying the glue, causing Doug to buck wildly for an instant before he fainted.


    Leanne backed away from Doug, her face pale.


    ¡°Did I¡­¡±


    ¡°Nah, he¡¯s still breathing,¡± Garth said, eyeing the rise and fall of Doug¡¯s chest.¡°Toss that book on the cart.¡± He motioned to the blood-smeared book of edible plants before going library and searching for anything he could find on first aid or medicinal plants. Sadly the section on plants was riddled with holes, and there were no books on first aid with decent pictures, on account of it being a middle school.


    ¡°Guess this is all we¡¯re getting,¡± Garth said as he came back from searching the library. The light streaming in from the windows had changed drastically since they¡¯d arrived, now hitting to opposite side of the bookshelves. They needed to move on, and they needed protection to do it.


    The shotgun had two shells left in it, and Doug¡¯s AR-15 had ten rounds, with a spare clip of thirty on his belt. Leanne and Garth threw them all on the library cart along with Garth¡¯s bag. They got behind it and pushed, straining to force the squeaky thing up the ramp.


    Garth was praying that the cart didn¡¯t break down, seeing as Doug must have weighed at least two hundred pounds. He kept his eyes and ears open, waiting for Harold to jump out like a boogeyman sponsored by Ensure as they pushed Doug down the hall. Once they got the cart outside, they upgraded to a wheelbarrow to better facilitate travelling through the woods.


    ¡°How are we doing?¡± Garth asked as they came to the stream where they¡¯d first met.


    ¡°He¡¯s cold, not breathing very deep,¡± Leanne said, putting a hand on Doug¡¯s forehead.


    ¡°Cold. Shit.¡± Garth cussed, setting the wheelbarrel down and checking Doug¡¯s gash. The cut was red and inflamed. Not a happy cut, bound together with glue. At least it wasn¡¯t bleeding. On the outside.


    ¡°He¡¯s not gonna make it through the night without some extra oomph. And a blanket.¡±


    A thought occurred to him as he glanced at the river. The school was only a few hundred feet away, and the city only a few hundred beyond that. There were sure to be a few ghouls lingering around.


    No, that was a stupid idea. What if there was another tiger-looking one? Anything with four legs would make a meal out of them in an instant.


    ¡°What is it?¡± Leanne asked.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°You looked like you thought of something. What was it?¡±


    Garth glanced at the stream, then back to her.


    ¡°How fast can you run?¡±


    ¡°Like the wind.¡±


    Garth rested against a tree, the rifle laying crossways on his lap, at war with himself. Beside him, Doug lay in the wheelbarrow, sweating and struggling to breath.


    It was a stupid idea, not worth the risk. There¡¯s no risk to me, the benefits outweigh the risk. Goddamnit, I can¡¯t expect a little girl to- Garth¡¯s self-recriminations were cut off when he heard a girl¡¯s shrill shriek. All according to plan.


    The sound made his heart hammer in his chest and his guts twist with worry. how was he supposed to know if that was a real ¡®I¡¯m getting eaten¡¯ shriek or a ¡®follow me to our ambush¡¯ shriek? No, calm down, this is why we made codewords, ¡®spiderweb¡¯ for if she¡¯s trapped and needs help, ¡®Fire at will¡¯ if she runs into Harold. So far, it¡¯s all been fine.


    The shrieking came again, closer this time. She was really egging them on. Or dying.


    Twenty seconds later, Garth made out the light blue of her T-shirt, muddled with smears of Doug¡¯s dried brown blood. The sight nearly made him sigh in relief when he noticed the horde that was following the girl, no less than forty ghouls dashed along behind her. Here we go. God I hope I was right about water. If he wasn¡¯t, they were about to get eaten, because she¡¯d drawn far more than Garth was expecting.


    Leanne flew through the woods, her small frame passing beneath branches and sliding between narrow trees, forcing the lanky ghouls to slow down and find their way around.


    Garth shouldered the rifle, putting the neon green sights on the lead ghoul, trying his damnedest to calm his breathing. As soon as the girl was out of the way, he¡¯d get started, one shot center mass on each of them. He didn¡¯t have the time or the skill to try to shoot them all in the head.


    Leanne hit the water and juked to the left, clearing Garth¡¯s field of fire.


    Garth pulled the trigger, mechanically lining up one shot after another. The recoil was vastly less than the shotgun, but the butt of the gun hit the exact same place, making his tender shoulder cry out every time he put a round in a pasty ass.


    The ghouls drew up short as they hit the water, coming to a screeching halt. They snarled at their prey that had escaped across the river, only noticing Garth picking them off a handful of seconds after Leanne hit the other side of the stream.


    There were already twelve screeching on the ground when they broke, trying to scatter in all directions. Garth focused on the ones trying to run back the way they¡¯d come, since they¡¯d chosen a bend in the river that created a natural choke point.


    Admiral Akbar would be proud.


    When the bullets ran dry, Garth dropped the gun and pulled himself to his feet with his spear, him and Leanne putting the mortally wounded but not quite dead ones out of their misery.


    All told, they managed to kill about twenty-four of the bastards, while sixteen managed to escape. They would have been able to catch more if they had more people, or more bullets, but he was fine with the haul. Garth viewed it as simple math. They exchanged the forty bullets for twenty-four Heartstones.


    Every time he or Leanne finished pulling a stone out, she would run it over to Doug and make him swallow it, until they¡¯d fed him eight. Once they had the last sixteen, Garth gave Leanne twelve and ate the last four himself.


    ¡°Why so few?¡± she asked, looking at the pile in his hand. ¡°Aren¡¯t we gonna split it even?¡±


    ¡°Consider it a bonus for being the distraction, and the one Harold took from you.¡± Garth said. ¡°And maybe if we meet Harold again, I¡¯m hoping you can make him cry like a little girl.¡±


    ¡°Damn right,¡± she said, tossing back her head and swallowing a handful at a time. ¡°I specialized in strength.¡±


    Garth¡¯s eyebrows rose. ¡°Strength?¡±


    ¡°You got a problem with that?¡± Leanne asked, cocking her head. ¡°I¡¯ve seen enough to know what side of the smackdown I wanna be on. Being able to take a beating doesn¡¯t win a fight. And while speed was tempting, it really doesn¡¯t matter once the guy has his hands on you, does it?¡±


    ¡°huh.¡± Garth said, the gears turning in his head. ¡°When this whole apocalypse thing blows over, do you wanna play a paladin in this campaign I¡¯ve homebrewed? It¡¯s like Aliens in a medieval hamlet.¡±


    ¡°What, why?¡±


    ¡°I just thought of you as the rogue, since you¡¯re tiny and have attitude, but you¡¯re actually the paladin,¡± Garth said, rubbing his chin and swallowing the tasteless stones.


    ¡°I¡¯m not interested in your lame game.¡± Leanne said.


    ¡°That¡¯s understandable, I hear girls aren¡¯t very good at math.¡±


    ¡°What!? I¡¯ll have you know I beat everyone at the last quiz-¡° Leanne¡¯s eyes narrowed at Garth¡¯s stifled chuckles.


    ¡°Kids really are easy to bait- OW!¡± He howled in pain when Leanne punched him in the shoulder hard enough to knock him onto his side. It looked like the stones were already having an effect, because the girls small fist made his arm feel like it was going to fall off.


    ¡°Son of a bitch,¡± he said, rubbing his shoulder. ¡°I didn¡¯t need another bruise, thank you.¡±


    ¡°Why not? You were asking for it.¡±


    ¡°Okay, you know why I really gave you all those stones?¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because now you owe me. Go get some more ghouls.¡±


    Leanne shook her head, but she didn¡¯t object, picking up her spear and heading back out to town.


    At least this way, she¡¯d be more likely to survive another run. The first one had been risky, but judging by the purpling bruise on Garth¡¯s shoulder, she¡¯d be able to fight her way out of damn near anything now, making luring the baddies in safer and faster.


    By the end of the day, they¡¯d Lured more than a hundred ghouls to their deaths. After the first group, they¡¯d changed to using their spears, using the stream as an impassible obstacle that the monsters were, for some reason, unwilling to traverse. They spent the day lining them up and stabbing at the mindless monsters, getting close and letting the ghouls think they might have a chance of eating the humans.


    Of the one hundred and eight, Leanne ate fifty-two stones, followed by Garth at thirty-four, and Doug at twenty-two. Once Doug¡¯s color improved, they started splitting the stones between the two of them. When Garth¡¯s spear broke he almost got eaten, but Leanne was able to pull him back into the river, just ahead of the ghoul¡¯s gnashing jaws.


    Garth made a new spear in the same fashion as Leanne¡¯s, along with a spare for both of them, and they got back to work, retiring for the day shortly after.


    When the sun began its descent, turning orange, and then red as it approached the horizon, Garth and Leanne headed into the woods, putting distance between themselves and the town. Garth knew there was always a chance that some Kipling had found a way past the river, and distance only helped slim the chance they¡¯d be discovered.


    Hell, that little stream was no obstacle at all to someone like Harold. For all Garth knew, the crazy ex-marine was tracking them through the woods.


    #


    ¡°Fucking prick.¡± Harold lay in the back of his favorite bar, next to an empty case of beer, pulling buckshot out of his abdomen one piece at a time. He¡¯d taken his shirt off and counted the holes as he staggered into ¡®The Rug. He needed three more pieces, out of the six that had hit him.


    Every good bar has a good first aid kit, especially Harold¡¯s kind of place, where young studs from the corps congregated when they were visiting their hometown, thinking they were hot shit. Harold took pleasure in setting them straight and putting the fear of god in ¡®em.


    Marines were like rottweilers, his father had said. Fierce, loyal, but every so often you gotta show ¡®em who was boss. The old man raised rottweilers. He would strap himself up in protection and wrestle the uppity ones to the ground when they started testing him, and it worked like a charm.


    Sure there¡¯d been a few cuts and bruises, a broken bone or two. One of Harold¡¯s former subordinates had called a few times, begging him not to damage government property, but he¡¯d fired back, asking who¡¯d catch more heat, a fifty three year old retiree, or the man in charge of reigning them in.


    Paul had made the incidents disappear after that. He was a good kid.


    Over the course of these incidents, Harold had seen a boot get a bit of beer bottle removed from his scalp with some nice long tweezers. Those very same tweezers sat in the neck of a small bottle of one sixty proof vodka, the blood turning it slightly pink.


    Harold picked up the dry rag and wiped his stomach before picking up a sharpie and crossing off the third wound. His sense of time had been slipping and he couldn¡¯t afford to plunge the tweezers around in a clean hole, doing even more damage.


    ¡°Three more to go, but first-¡°  Harold took a swig of his pi?a colada. He¡¯d managed to find just enough ice at the back of the freezer to make a nice big pitcher of his favorite fruity beverage ¨C one of the reasons he¡¯d had to bust some heads ¨C before beginning the surgery.


    It served three purposes, It dulled the pain, could be the last thing he drank, and if he saw white coconut cream oozing out of the holes in his stomach, then he knew he was in deep shit.


    So far so good on all counts. Harold raised the drink in salute before setting it down and getting back to work.


    Ever lost a tooth or scratched a really bad itch? That was what pulling a bullet out was like, ¡®cept in order to scratch that itch, you gotta burrow through three inches of perfectly painful flesh to get to it, moaning, sobbing, and shaking.


    Three inches.


    It shoulda been five times deeper, popping out the back, and bleeding him out in a matter of minutes. not so.


    Harold knew the one thing every good soldier needed: Endurance. They forged marines to be strong, and fast, but most especially, they needed to be tough. Tough enough to run a hundred miles in a day if he had to, carrying full combat gear.


    He¡¯d been tempted to blow the head off the ugly little man, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he¡¯d opened the letter. The words laid out before him hadn¡¯t made any sense, but he knew one thing: Marines were tough.


    So he¡¯d put a drop of blood on Endurance and handed it back to the little man on the off chance that it could help him. No matter how tough a marine got, though, he couldn¡¯t stop a bullet with his abs.


    ¡°None of ¡®em except me.¡± Harold chuckled as he pulled out the tweezers and started fishing around for that fourth bit of lead.


    ¡°Fuckin¡¯ pansy-ass.¡± He muttered to distract himself from the pain of the cold steel working its way into his stomach. Purple bastard was in deep with whoever or whatever caused this, looking at him like he was better.


    ¡°Intelligence,¡± Harold scoffed. He knew the type. Officers that thought they were hot shit on paper, in war games. The ones that thought they knew what the hell they were doing because they thought they understood the rules. Most of ¡®em died before they understood there were no rules.


    ¡°Fuckin-¡° Harold took another swig. ¡°shove that spear up his ass-¡°


    The bell on the outside door rang. Harold froze, straining his ears.


    Click-tack, click-tack. Whatever was outside didn¡¯t sound human. With a stifled grunt, Harold dragged himself to his feet, picking up the handgun he¡¯d gotten from behind the desk. A second later, he crept up to the doorway leading into the main bar and carefully peered in.


    Harold¡¯s eyes widened. Three¡­things that looked like ants with the upper bodies of men crawled through the bar, cautiously inspecting the bar. What truly set them apart was their clothing and weapons. Odd shaped bows and swords rested on their thoraxes, along with body armor covering most of their exposed flesh. It looked like some kind of hard leather.


    Most importantly, Harold could make out some kind of insignia, and dog-tags around their necks. They were soldiers.


    There¡¯s only one way out of this, he thought, his grip tightening on the pistol.

 Chapter 9: Peas and Carrots

    ¡°We did good today, but if you guys are gonna keep up the pace we¡¯re gonna need food,¡± Garth said, reading the book of edible plants with his back to the fire, winding through an exhaustive list of plants whose petals were safe to eat. As if they could fill their stomachs on one blossom at a time. Technically, they could, especially considering he could make as many of them as he wanted, but still, he¡¯d rather something more substantial. ¡°Most of these are just edible flowers and shit...Ah hah!¡± he stopped on one that looked promising.


    ¡°Jerusalem artichoke, a subspecies of sunflower, also known as sunroot, sunchoke or earth apple. Has bigass tubers that grow underground, is hardy as shit, and can be used as a substitute for potatoes.¡± Garth brought the book closer to the fire, trying to study the shape of the plant in the rapidly fading light. It was a spindlier yellow flower, without the massive sunburst shape that a typical sunflower would have had.


    ¡°Think we can find some of these?¡± he said, tapping the book and showing the picture to Leanne.


    ¡°What?¡± she asked, looking up from where she was sharpening the wicked bowie knife she¡¯d looted from a sporting goods store on one of her runs. The damn thing was as long as her forearm. She¡¯d brought back half a dozen other knives on that run, and after removing their handles and growing handles onto them, they¡¯d finally gotten some real, honest to god spears.


    ¡°Oh, I forgot.¡± She said, reaching into her pocket and bringing out some softly rattling green packets.


    ¡°Got these from Garden Center in Wally¡¯s, thought you might be able to use them to make me some dinner.¡± She tossed him the packets.


    ¡°Well, fuck,¡± he said, tossing aside the book. ¡°If I didn¡¯t have a bullet hole in my leg, I¡¯d thump you one.¡± I¡¯m not dumb, going to Walmart and getting seeds was just too dangerous for my hobbling, wounded self. Yeah.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see, you got¡­ sugar snap peas, carrots, and watermelon?¡± Garth intoned as he looked at the packets. ¡°You got a bit of a sweet tooth?¡±


    Leanne shrugged.


    ¡°You¡¯re gonna need veggies with more protein, broccoli maybe?¡±


    She made a sour face.


    ¡°This¡¯ll do for now, but you and Doug are gonna need more than peas and watermelon.¡±


    Garth planted the seeds, growing one bush after another until they had gorged themselves on the edible pods of sugar snap peas. He knew he had to be the adult, but he couldn¡¯t fault her choice. They were delicious. Once they were satiated, Garth tucked the dried seed packet in his loincloth and grabbed some pods from a nearby hyper-fertilized pea bush, busting them open with his fingernail.


    It was time to find out if his idea would bear fruit. So to speak.


    ¡°Look after the sickie,¡± he said, nodding to Doug. ¡°The panic words are the same.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t go too far.¡±


    ¡°Yes, mom.¡± Garth drawled. Leanne scowled as he limped away from the fire, behind a tree.


    Garth took a pea and held it in his hand, concentrating on the tingling feeling, trying to strengthen the sensation until it felt like a river of power was flowing through his arm, into the seed.


    Nothing happened.


    Sprout, damn you! Garth thought, taking a seat and closing his eyes, trying to prod the pea into action in his palm. Plant-based magic. That¡¯s what he was aiming for. If he could do that, he¡¯d have a head start on the rest of these shmucks.


    Try as he might, no matter how much energy he crammed into it, the stubborn pea sat on his palm, inert. Taunting him.


    ¡°F-¡° Garth cocked his hand back to throw the pea, before sighing and bringing his hand back down. Getting angry wouldn¡¯t solve anything, he needed to work his mind through the steps, isolate the way his abilities worked and experiment, constantly pushing the boundaries. He couldn¡¯t just give up from being irritated.


    Garth took a deep breath and returned his attention to the feeling, focusing more on exploring the tingling sensation in fine detail rather than maxing it out.


    Ten minutes later, he thought he felt a crack from the pea. He reached down to pick it up and look at it and wound up rolling it off his palm in the dim light.


    ¡°Whoops-¡°


    #


    Leanne was stewing as she sharpened her knife. There had been blood all over her house when she went back to it during one of her runs. Thanks to the stones, she could run faster and longer than she ever had. Enough to visit her house and make it back without Garth asking any nosy questions. It was none of his business anyway.


    The spear beside her reminded her of that wood she¡¯d made a CO2 car with, what was it¡­ balsa wood. Light, breakable, and soft. Everything was starting to seem a little like Balsa wood to Leanne.


    Which of them had died? The intrusive thoughts returned, forcing her to ask questions she¡¯d rather put in the back of her mind. Did her dad turn into one of those white things and eat her mother, or did her mom turn into a giant pod like Ms. Henner? Leanne shivered at the thought.


    Can¡¯t change any of it, just gotta do what Kolath said, gather people I can trust. Leanne glanced at Doug, the silver aura deep and strong around him. Garth¡¯s aura fluctuated wildly, although it seemed to be purer silver the closer she stood to him.


    When she had first seen him, she¡¯d thought maybe the roiling aura meant he was intending to betray her at the first opportunity, at least until she¡¯d seen Harold. The pitch black, slimy feeling she got from seeing that man made all her hairs stand on edge.


    Garth was, by comparison, harmless. He was more the kind of guy that would stick with her as long as it didn¡¯t hurt him and was a generally favorable arrangement. The deep silver of Doug¡¯s aura indicated a follower, someone who would follow her unquestioningly as soon as she earned his loyalty away from Harold.


    She could still see the faint clinging tendrils of the man¡¯s leech-like aura, but they were being rapidly pushed out and replaced with her own color of pale blue. Doug was a much easier nut to crack than Garth.


    ¡°Do right by them,¡± She murmured, repeating the advice of Kolath, King of Gods, ¡°And they¡¯ll follow your lead.¡± She turned her gaze away from Doug and returned to her work.


    ¡°AGH!¡± came shout from the other side of the tree, where Garth thought he was being quiet. Sounded like he was in trouble.


    ¡°You okay?¡± she asked, standing up. It never hurt to double check. Plus if he owed her a debt, it made it harder for him to turn on her later. She¡¯d already saved his life once, making them even.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m fine,¡± Garth¡¯s voice came from beyond the tree, along with the sound of leaves thrashing against each other and healthy dose of cursing. ¡°Just taking a shit. It, um, startled me.¡±


    Leanne rolled her eyes. She wasn¡¯t responsible for him getting overgrown for trying to wipe his ass with a leaf. She hunkered down, and returned to sharpening her new knife. It was long enough to take a ghoul¡¯s head clean off. The only problem was the reach, forcing her to step inside range of their grasping claws if she wanted to do so.


    A machete would have had better range, but the metal was so thin she knew it would fall apart after a few uses. She sighed. She¡¯d just have to accept that she was short and focus on growing. Extra height would mean extra reach.


    Maybe your dad is one of the corpses on the riverbank. You should go and check. Could you stand going the rest of your life not knowing what happened?


    Leanne shook her head. Pointless. She didn¡¯t give a damn about either of them and any thoughts otherwise were pure longing for a time when shark-toothed creatures weren¡¯t trying to eat her, not dear old mom and dad.


    Tomorrow they were going to move on, look for the outposts and try to find civilization. If Doug was alive, they¡¯d bring him. Maybe he¡¯d had enough stones that he would be able to walk. Garth seemed pretty chipper for having a hole in his leg, and Doug¡¯s fever had broken, so maybe they wouldn¡¯t have to cut him open and pull out his Heartstone.


    Leanne tested the edge of the knife with her thumb, wondering whether it would see its first use on a human or Kipling.


    ¡°ENTANGLE!¡± she heard Garth shout, and turned her head in time to see a half dozen little green balls flying through the air toward her. What? She batted one out of the air and the other five bounced harmlessly off her chest.


    Immediately upon hitting the ground the peas erupted violently, bright green tendrils burst out of the ground, winding around her legs, then her arms. Her balance compromised, she fell on her butt, more vines wrapping around her and pinning her to the ground.


    ¡°What the hell are you doing?¡± Leanne demanded, glaring at Garth. She could tell that he wasn¡¯t planning on betraying her anytime soon, but his smug expression demanded retribution.


    ¡°I call them Combat Peas, Mk.1,¡± he said with a grin as flowers bloomed and resolved into pea pods on the thick mess of pea stalks. Garth picked a sugar snap pea off her shoulder and crunched down on it with a satisfied expression. ¡°Guaranteed to delay a bad guy without losing any of its flavor-ack!¡±


    Leanne lunged forward, tearing the plants weak root system right out of the ground before chasing Garth around the fire. She almost got a hold of him at first, but the roots slowed her down somewhat, allowing the gimp to dodge out of her way. A moment later another bloom of peas tied her feet together and dropped her to the ground again.


    ¡°I see,¡± Garth said, limping away as fast as he could while readying more peas. ¡°need to breed them for longer, stronger roots, and tougher tendrils. Thank you for your help with testing the Combat Peas, Mk 1. Would you like to share any comments or criticism?¡±


    ¡°Hold still!¡±


    ¡°Nope,¡± Garth said, hiding behind the wheelbarrow with the dying man. ¡°Put down the knife or you might hurt Doug.¡±


    ¡°Put down the peas, or I might hurt you.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s ridiculous, these peas are my last line of defense. You put down the knife.¡±


    #


    The disarmament took roughly twenty minutes, involving a pinky promise not to use the peas on her again, and allowing her another solid punch on his arm. Leanne deliberately aimed for his bruised upper arm again, making the torment that much greater, but Garth kept his silence, not wanting to start another Pea War.


    ¡°We done?¡± he asked, rubbing his arm.


    ¡°For now.¡±


    ¡°Then go to bed, I¡¯ll take first watch.¡± I¡¯ll take first watch. I never thought I would, in all seriousness, be saying those words.


    ¡°No peas while I¡¯m asleep.¡±


    ¡°Nah, getting you once was enough for me. It¡¯s completely out of my system.¡± Garth was briefly tempted to surround her with watermelons while she slept, but decided against it. While it was easy to break the spirit of an agreement, all it bred was distrust and quite possibly human feces in his hair while he slept.


    Nothing was crueler than a child.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be breeding the peas until sunrise.¡± Another sentence I never expected to say. ¡°I¡¯ll wake you up at dawn, then I¡¯ll catch some sleep too.¡±


    The day must have exhausted her, because the girl started yawning almost immediately, curled up next to the fire with a couple dime store blankets on top of her. Doug slept in the wheelbarrow, his body facing the fire.


    Garth put a hand in front of Doug¡¯s face, judging how much heat he was getting. It was a little tough, but he could still generally tell how hot something was, if he concentrated.


    Garth moved the wheelbarrow a little closer to the fire, then walked off to the side of the fire, and picked a couple handfuls of peas from the remnants of their little tiff.


    He held them in his two cupped hands, concentrating on the sensation until he pushed in just the right way to cause the little click in the buzzing sensation of the Hyper-Fertility ability.


    That done, he tossed them out into the woods, making a fifty or so individual plants. He repeated this until he had about a thousand pea plants of various sizes spread out into the forest, latching onto whatever was nearby. He walked along the plants, testing the strength of their roots and vines in the light of the fire.


    Now, which of you fine specimens is going to be Combat Pea Mk.2?


    He could do it more scientifically if he had a fish-weighing scale, but eyeballing it would work, albeit a bit slower.


    Garth chuckled as he thought about what had happened when the pea had rolled off his hand, exploding between his legs. The tendrils had shot out with near ballistic energy, exploring and wrapping around every nook and cranny of his body. His cock. He¡¯d had to pull vines off his cock before they choked the life out of it. His ass had luckily been pressed firmly to the ground, or else he might have had to call Leanne in to perform amateur rectal surgery.


    Garth shuddered. Thank. God. That didn¡¯t happen. He tapped the gunshot wound. Only ten or so hours since it had happened and it was already only tender. It seemed like he could go into town tomorrow.


    And about time, because Garth was going to the men¡¯s department and getting himself some clothes. He would rather wear clothes and have to eat than ever go through nearly neutering himself again.


    He went through the plants until he found one that was very difficult to uproot, its tendrils thick and strong. He started harvesting the peas from it.


    Hello, Combat Pea Mk. 2, Garth thought as he filled his hands. He¡¯d been a little worried that genetic variation was no longer a thing in this brave new world, but if it wasn¡¯t, something else was picking up the slack. By the time the sun came up and he¡¯d reached Combat Pea Mk. 30, the color of the pea had turned orange, along with the entire plant being so tough he couldn¡¯t pull them out of the ground.


    Neat, maybe I can make them grow thorns. It was a good goal for the one thousand series of the Combat Pea. Garth thought to himself as he tapped his chin, hands full of orange peas.


    To be clear it wasn¡¯t plant-based magic, not exactly. He was just using the hyper-fertility blessing to breed incredibly tough peas in hours instead of years and supercharge their growth until it was explosive, effectively making them into a weapon.


    It was a fine distinction to make, but still there.


    ¡°Whoah, what¡¯s all this?¡± Leanne asked as she got out from under the covers, rubbing her eyes and casting her gaze over the forest, which was entirely filled with peas as far as the eye could see.


    ¡°Oh, I guess I got carried away.¡± Garth said, glancing at the sun peeking through the trees to the east.


    ¡°Meet the Combat Pea Mk.-¡° The ground seemed to tilt up sideways and smack him in the face.


    ¡°Garth, are you okay?¡± He heard Leanne¡¯s voice grow distant. His eyes rolled into his head and the world went dark.

 Chapter 10: Nubile Warrior Princess

    ¡°So, tell me about this Dungeon Rush,¡± Harold said, pouring everyone another round of Pina Colada.


    ¡°Well,¡± Tch¡¯naztt said, the translator on her wrist turning the unintelligible clicking into recognizable human-speech, ¡°Whenever a new universe is added to the sphere, the kipling have to invade the worlds again, and they always do it the same way, with dungeons.¡± The drunk ant-woman sloshed a bit of her drink as she spoke.


    One of Tch¡¯naztt¡¯s companions, a lovely Nymph (apparently) by the name of Tit¡¯chitet, jostled her elbow joint.


    ¡°That is a secret!¡± he insisted.


    ¡°Maybe back home, but this human lives in this universe. She¡¯ll find out whether she wants to or not, now stop interrupting, lovely.¡± Harold tapped his fingers on the bar and considered correcting the ant-woman about his gender, but thought better of it. While it rankled him, he had noticed the sexual dimorphism, with Tit¡¯chitet being about half her size. Chances were, in their culture, men were pretty faces with sperm sacs attached. He didn¡¯t need to make her think less of him this early in the game.


    ¡°Anyway, where was I?¡±


    ¡°Dungeon Rush.¡±


    ¡°Ah yes. This story was passed down through the queens of our hive for seven thousand years in the hopes that when the next Rush happened, we could compete with the Inner Spheres and maybe get some Mythic Cores for ourselves.¡±


    ¡°Cores?¡±


    ¡°Yes, they are the life force of the most powerful artifacts. In a few days, stars will begin to drop from the sky, landing on the ground all around the universe, but mostly where there is intelligent life to provide the psychic energy to sustain them.¡±


    ¡°Neat.¡±


    ¡°When a core is first born, it is actually at its most powerful, a Mythic Core. It is a golden orb about this big.¡± She put her thumb and chitinous forefinger together, indicating a size a bit bigger than a quarter.


    ¡°It lands on the ground in a wave of fire, if anyone is close to it when it falls, they are burned.¡± Tit¡¯chitet supplied, getting into it now. Their third companion, a guard for the young mistress by the name of Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt watched them with narrowed eyes, sipping the drink in silence.


    ¡°Right, lovely, but let the women talk.¡±


    ¡°So your queen seven thousand years back saw mercenaries coming from the other realities, like you are now, searching for these cores?¡±


    ¡°Just so. If the core can be removed from the earth before it had had a chance to burrow into the soil and create a dungeon, it can be used to create objects of wondrous power.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Harold grunted. ¡°Can I get some more ice?¡± Tch¡¯naztt reached out, a bloom of cold blue light blossoming on her finger before a block of solid ice appeared in front of him. He set about shattering it and grinding it up for more drinks. It was laborious work, but at least there was enough liquor to go around due to most of humankind being dead already.


    ¡°So these dungeons, are you using the right words? Because in my language, dungeon is a fancy word for underground prison.¡±


    ¡°Dungeons are deep, underground labyrinthine structures that house monsters. They are dangerous and vile.¡±


    That sparked a fleeting fragment of memory in Harold. Grampa, wanna play the fighter? You could be Earl Rusty kickasso, lover of women, delver of dungeons and slaughterer of orcs.


    ¡°Huh. Sooo, I hate to ask all these stupid questions-¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s only natural for a universe that¡¯s only just joined the sphere.¡±


    ¡°Right. So¡­Why do these dungeons form. What is their purpose? To make geeks feel important?¡±


    ¡°No, think of the core as a spore. It burrows into the earth, trying to make it to the center of the planet, where it can use the incredible amount of magical energy there to tear open a hole in reality, sending more spores into limitless other universes. It needs fresh air on it while it does its evil work, so there is always a path between the core and the surface, but it is never a straight shot. The dungeon grows around it as a means to defend against the planet¡¯s natural defences ¨C that¡¯s us ¨C putting out monsters and traps, dead ends, sometimes buying off the adventurers with wealth until the dungeon grows too large to stop.¡±


    ¡°And what happens when the core reaches the center of the planet?¡±


    ¡°First, all but the most powerful have their life force drawn out of their body, then, a group of enforcers from the Inner Spheres are dispatched to try to remove the core. If they fail, the entire planet implodes into the resulting tear in space.¡±


    ¡°Damn,¡± Harold said, shaking his head. ¡°I thought the pasty people-eaters were bad.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re just the first wave, a symbiotic species that breeds fear, creating a fertile psychic soil in which the core germinates.¡±


    ¡°So let me see if I got this right. these Mythic Cores are worth tons of money in the right hands.¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°Your hive scraped together all their cash to send you out here.¡± Translation: Nobody¡¯s gonna come looking for you.


    ¡°We¡¯ve been under the heel of the Inner Sphere banks for generations, it took the concerted effort of all eight thousand of us for years to afford three tickets to the newest layer of the Sphere. I was selected as the representative of our hive, as I am the finest warrior and sorceress of our generation.¡±


    ¡°It shows. That translator on your wrist has a map function showing the location of the outposts, and it can be used by anyone?¡±


    ¡°The psychic energy transmits directly to the brain, yes, why do you ask?¡± Tch¡¯naztt cocked her head in a motion that suggested curiosity and confusion, but her bodyguard was tensed, slowly setting down her drink. Looked like the jig was up.


    ¡°Just thought I should buy one at one of the outposts,¡± Harold said. ¡°Let me fix you a different drink to celebrate your first day of adventuring. This one has a bit more kick to it.¡±


    ¡°Oh, thanks, there¡¯s an outpost just a few miles west where you can-¡°


    Harold stood up from behind the counter with Jim¡¯s fifty caliber Desert Eagle right in Tch¡¯naztt¡¯s face. Jim was a nice guy. Owned the bar. Probably got eaten because of greedy, selfish fucking aliens like this one.


    Harold pulled the trigger.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt was already moving when the fleshy creature ducked behind the wooden counter, as it had so many times before. This time, something was wrong.


    ¡°Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt, I have chosen you because of your fear and mistrust of others.¡± Her Queen had made the declaration.


    ¡°What?¡± she¡¯d asked, stunned. ¡°Why not T¡¯chetizz or Sh¡¯tizit? They are far better fighters than I.¡± Perhaps her role as the pariah was finally forcing her hive to exile her, the worst punishment that could be bestowed. They¡¯d simply leave her on their adventures, less dead weight for the hive.


    ¡°There, I felt your doubt again.¡± Her queen said, antenna twitching in the unmistakable pattern of amusement. ¡°That is what we need more than anything.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    ¡°The other two have nothing but trust. Trust in themselves, and trust in others. This is an incredible power, but it is also an incredible weakness. Other races of the sphere are not like us. They will deceive, say things that are not true, turn on us seemingly from nowhere. Only one such as you, who sees malice in every action, will be able to see these things before they happen. It is a trait necessary for a Queen.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt was truly confused. Was this some kind of trick played on the pariah, a promise to put her at the center of Tzetin society despite a lifetime spent as an outcast. It didn¡¯t make sense. The Queen would never do something like this as a prank. She couldn¡¯t make any sense of the actions.


    ¡°But I thought-¡°


    ¡°Teach her how to doubt, and if you cannot, then when you return, it will be you who takes my place, and not her.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt ran through the wooden box the human female had called a ¡®bar¡¯, rushing to intercept her and put a rest to whatever this dread feeling was. She unsheathed two of her swords while her primary arms reached toward Tch¡¯naztt. The flawless gem of their hive could not be allowed to be lost here.


    They might laugh at her, reveal Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s shameful incongruous behavior, but if there was even a chance¡­


    The human raised a silver, blocky thing to Tch¡¯naztt¡¯s head while Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt was still an arm¡¯s length away, causing her antenna to shiver in horror.


    Tch¡¯naztt sent a curious glance toward Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt when the blocky silver thing exploded, and in an instant, a large portion of the confident warrior¡¯s head was torn away.


    ¡°Noo!¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt hissed, pushing her charge out of the way and swinging one of her blades at the treacherous outsider, deflecting the silver weapon it tried to aim at her with a metallic ringing.


    The human leaped backward, a scar running up the side of the silver weapon as it raised it again, intent on killing them all.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt ducked behind the wooden box separating them, grabbing Tch¡¯naztt and dragging her backwards with one hand while readying her bow with the other three.


    ¡°Aw, come on, we were just getting started!¡± She heard the human call out in her disgusting, grunting speech.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt grabbed one of the three legged wooden contraptions the human had called a ¡®stool¡¯, tossing it out the other side of the bar. With an ear splitting series of explosions, the stool was ripped to pieces as Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt stood, taking aim at the hateful outsider.


    Her human eyes widened as Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt unleashed one, two and then three arrows before she could respond. The arrows sank deep into the human¡¯s flesh, and it let out a cry of pain as it rolled backward, deeper into this ¡®Bar¡¯ that now felt more like a T¡¯zicktet¡¯s lair, designed to trap unsuspecting victims with honey.


    Time to leave. Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt dragged Tch¡¯naztt backwards out of the bar by a limp arm while peppering the doorway with arrows so the human didn¡¯t stick its fleshy head out and try to use that horrible contraption on them again.


    ¡°Come on!¡± She screamed at Tit¡¯chitet, who stared at his lover¡¯s limp body. Tch¡¯naztt had brought him on the reasoning that they could use a male to tend their fire, mend their gear and provide companionship, but Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt knew there was more to it than that. They had bonded, and he would be found out if they left him behind.


    Tch¡¯naztt had taken responsibility in a way by bringing him with her. If they had returned after consuming numerous heartstones there wouldn¡¯t be a male who could compete with him, making her choice for consort a forgone conclusion. The fact that they¡¯d bonded already would be meaningless.


    Tit¡¯chitet, frozen by terror for his bondmate, was unable to move, letting out a keening sound of fear.


    ¡°Now, Tit¡¯chitet!¡± She did not have time for his male hysterics.


    ¡°Die!¡± a guttural grunt sounded from the doorway as the human peeked around and raised its little silver death-box in the moment Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt was distracted.


    Somehow, Tit¡¯chitet moved faster than both of them, placing himself in front of Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt and Tch¡¯naztt, standing on his hind legs and flattening his thorax to make himself larger, his antenna making the sign of self-sacrifice.


    Six concussive blasts sounded, and Tit¡¯chitet fell to the ground, his antenna twitching with the meaningless gibberish of death.


    ¡°Shit,¡± the human said, and a little black box fell out of the bottom of the silver death-box. It began tugging something out of the cloth around its thorax.


    ¡°AAAA!¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt screamed, firing all the remaining arrows in her quiver as she dragged Tch¡¯naztt out of the bar.


    The human ducked inside with a curse and she took the opportunity to turn all of her attention to getting her charge out of here, keeping half of her vision on the evil bar as she tried to drag the heavy warrior to safety.


    A minute later, she felt a gentle tapping on her leg, and looked down at Tch¡¯naztt.


    Tch¡¯naztt¡¯s large, beautiful eye had been torn out, along with the nerve cluster that processed her sight. It was a mortal wound that rendered her blind and bleeding to death, but the brain housed at the base of her thorax was still functioning.


    The warrior couldn¡¯t see, and her antenna were partially lost, cutting off most of her other senses. Still, she spoke Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s name, motioning her closer.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt knelt, putting her face within reach to soothe the dying warrior. She should know that one of her people would witness her death. She was not alone.


    Tch¡¯naztt touched her face with her four hands, discerning the shape of her failed protector.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt said, her body convulsing in shame.


    The four hands gripped her tightly, and a roiling blue energy began shoving itself inside her, cooling her insides.


    ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± She demanded, trying to pull away, but the dying Tzetin held her with the firmness of iron.


    Feeling as though something was prying under each and every plate of her exoskeleton, Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt screamed, thrashing in pain. The torment didn¡¯t ebb and flow, only growing stronger in a maddening climax of ice.


    She felt like she was being frozen from the inside out.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt wasn¡¯t sure whether she stopped screaming first, or the pain went away first, but eventually the pain did go away, and with it, her companion¡¯s hands fell away from her body lifelessly.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt felt¡­ different, somehow, but she didn¡¯t know how to describe it. The nagging sensation was an unimportant side note to one earth-shattering realization: She was on a planet full of things eager to kill her, and responsible for the fate of her entire hive.


    And she was alone.

 Chapter 11: Wet Dreams may Come

    Garth sat in a rocking chair in a warm cottage made of rough-hewn wood, sipping on a cup of hot cocoa while he warmed his toes in front of a fireplace. His skin was back to normal and he could feel the warm seeping in from the gently crackling fire.


    ¡°May I ask a question?¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    ¡°Why are you naked?¡±


    Garth tried not to stare at the nude goddess relaxing beside him. Her dark breasts rose and fell with her breathing, wiggling with eye-catching jigglyness out of the corner of his eye.


    It almost looked computer generated, how perky and full they were.


    ¡°The other gods insist I wear clothes in their presence.¡± Beladia said with a pout.


    ¡°Stuffy bastards.¡±


    ¡°Does it make you uncomfortable?¡± she asked, vines growing from the chair to cover her.


    ¡°Nope! Not at all!¡±


    ¡°Out of all my apostles on Earth, you are the most violent, by far.¡± She said, moving past his outburst without comment. The vines, however, peeled away and fell to the floor.


    ¡°Near to sixty Kipling slain by your hand on the second day. And making a nourishing vegetable into a weapon?¡± She heaved a great sigh and shook her head, causing her titanic breasts to wobble.


    The small rocking chair she sat in was carved from wood, accentuating rather than hiding the curve of her hips that pressed against the sides.


    ¡°Is that bad?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m neutral.¡± She said, glancing at Garth¡¯s line of sight and smirking. ¡°Nature can be vicious, but I detest cruelty. Do what you have to to survive. While you are the most violent of my apostles, more than half of them were lost yesterday. You are still alive. The results speak for themselves.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Garth said, taking another sip of cocoa.


    They sat in silence for a few minutes, rocking back and forth, before he screwed up the courage to speak.


    ¡°What exactly am I doing here?¡± he asked.


    ¡°We are in communion.¡± She said.


    ¡°Huh.¡± They rocked in their chairs.


    ¡°What am I supposed to do?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Relax and let the troubles of the mortal world fade from your mind while you sleep. You may also ask any questions that trouble you.¡±


    They rocked a bit longer. The fire in the hearth warmed his toes.


    ¡°When I die, will I come back here?¡± Garth asked. He could have asked what he should do next, but the question about what would happen to him after he died seemed more important since it was the most likely outcome of this whole debacle.


    ¡°If you wish. There will be few of your own kind in that particular afterlife, though.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a relief. An afterlife with you doesn¡¯t sound too bad.¡± A crowded afterlife would be a bitch anyway. Plus more Beladia to himself.


    She chuckled. ¡°I can exist in more than one place at once, you know? How do you think I participated in the judging of a hundred thousand souls in a matter of hours?¡± She shrugged. ¡°You¡¯d get bored of me eventually, though.¡±


    ¡°Two or more of you at once? The pragmatist in me admits you¡¯re probably right, but it would be a fun couple hundred years, right?¡±


    ¡°Insolent mortal, you think I could only hold your attention for a few hundred years?¡± She put her hand on her chest in faux outrage before breaking into a giggle. Garth chuckled along with her, relaxing into his chair now that his concern for his immortal soul had been put at ease.


    ¡°So I guess I¡¯m less afraid of dying intellectually, but I still don¡¯t wanna die. Any advice?¡±


    ¡°Do as you have been. Strengthen yourself and your companions. Be patient and bold at once.¡±


    ¡°Sounds like an oxymoron. Anything more concrete than that?¡±


    She frowned in thought, leaning forward to pick up her cup of cocoa, her breasts swinging freely beneath her in a way that made Garth want to push her onto her hands and knees and set them swinging some more.


    He gulped a mouthful of saliva back.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got a good idea with your-¡° she said, taking a sip of cocoa and crinkling her nose with mirth, ¡°combat peas, but you¡¯re missing a key element.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°You can only breed something to be better at what it already does. Do peas strike you as a particularly savage, dangerous plant?¡±


    ¡°Not really, no.¡±


    ¡°So what would happen if you bred something that was already mean to be even worse?¡±


    Garth had never thought of any plants to be savage or dangerous, they just all moved too slow for mammals like him to give them a second thought. He dimly recalled things like funguses and parasites. Were there plants that hunted other plants?


    It hit him. He was basically trying to breed a herbivore to hunt Kipling. It would be a million times easier to breed a predator to hunt Kipling.


    ¡°I get it.¡±


    ¡°Excellent.¡± She set the cocoa down again, relaxing into the rocking chair and wiggling her toes in front of the fire.


    ¡°How can I get plant based magic?¡±


    ¡°Go to an outpost and ask there.¡±


    ¡°Where¡¯s the nearest outpost?¡± Garth pressed.


    ¡°Can¡¯t tell you that. It¡¯s against the rules.¡± Beladia stuck out her tongue.


    ¡°And it¡¯s okay to tell me about the afterlife?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s law amongst gods. We can¡¯t give direct information on the state of the war itself, both for the sake of giving our champions an unfair advantage against each other, and because information may leak to the Kipling.


    ¡°Information leak?¡± Garth asked. ¡°They can think?¡±


    ¡°Some of them. The ones you really have to watch out for, anyway.¡±


    Garth set down his cocoa and began rocking furiously, thinking hard. After half an hour of silent thought, he spoke.


    ¡°That patron thing the gods do, could a human do it? Could I give someone my power in exchange for a return like you do?¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t say.¡±


    ¡°Is it the source of your godhood?¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t say.¡±


    ¡°Hmm.¡± Garth continued rocking, glancing at Beladia from the corner of his eye.


    ¡°You can look if you want.¡± She said. ¡°I certainly don¡¯t mind.¡±


    He turned to face her. ¡°That ritual we did, can we do it again?¡± he asked, his heart hammering.


    ¡°No,¡± she said, shooting him down flatly. Garth tried not to look disappointed, but with a body like that within arm¡¯s reach, it was hard not to.


    ¡°But if you wanted to mate for pleasure¡­¡±


    She leaned back in her chair, gently settling her fingers on her breasts, trailing them down, catching ever so slightly on her nipples. Her brown fingers kept going, gliding down her stomach, catching his gaze and drawing it down to where she slid her legs ever-so-slightly apart, revealing the beginning of her pink womanhood.


    ¡°I¡¯m not opposed to that.¡± She said with a mischievous smile.


    Garth took a deep breath, his cock coming to attention.


    ¡°That would be-¡°


    Garth opened his eyes, seeing the very real, very not-a-dream noon day sun high in the sky above him.


    ¡°Awesome.¡± Garth heaved a sigh as he glanced around their camp. Leanne was nowhere to be seen and the fire had long since burned out.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been pitching a tent for hours. Any soreness, discoloration? Wish I had my phone, would have been perfect blackmail material.¡± the voice had a bit of an awkward tone to it, probably on account of Doug¡¯s cleft palate.


    Garth¡¯s attention was drawn to the pale man slumped in the wheelbarrow. Doug¡¯s eyes were focused, and while his face was pale from pain, he seemed healthy enough to have a sense of humor.


    ¡°I thought you were the strong silent type?¡± Garth said as he crawled to his feet, his boner creating what looked like a purple teepee clinging to the side of a sheer cliff. Running Bear would be proud. Garth didn¡¯t really care if he gave Doug an eyeful. it¡¯ s not like he could cut off his morning wood. It would go away soon enough.


    ¡°You heard that?¡± Doug asked, chuckling. ¡°Harold thinks I¡¯m quiet because he¡¯s a psycho son of a bitch who scares the shit out of me. I keep my mouth shut because I wanna live a good long time.¡±


    ¡°Then why follow him around?¡±


    ¡°Still safer than being on my own.¡±


    ¡°Maybe for you. How¡¯s the stomach?¡±


    ¡°Much better. It only feels like the thing¡¯s tearing out my guts again when I breathe, talk, tense up, relax, or think about Brittney Spears from the nineties too hard.¡±


    ¡°Huh, did you see Leanne leave?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, she was screaming when you passed out; woke me up. Then after you wouldn¡¯t open your eyes for awhile, she told me to watch you while she goes and gets help.¡±


    He chuckled, ¡°As if I could do anything.¡±


    ¡°Help? I was just tired¡­How long she been gone?¡±


    ¡°Oh, about five hours now.¡± Doug lifted his limp arm and pointed toward town.


    ¡°Sonofabitch.¡± That was way too long. Garth thought, picking up a couple of their knife-bladed short spears.


    ¡°Wait,¡± Doug called after him as he started toward town.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m figuratively starving and literally about to die of dehydration. To you have anything to drink or eat?¡±


    Garth hastily gathered enough sugar snap peas to fill the bottom of the wheelbarrow. He snatched up the watermelon bag and pulled out a seed, concentrating until he felt the moment it was ready, right¡­there!


    He tossed out the seed, and Doug gave a squawk of surprise when the seed erupted out of the ground into bright green leafy vines that sprawled along the ground. In a matter of seconds, there were three watermelons on the ground about twice the size of Garth¡¯s head.


    ¡°How the hell-¡°


    ¡°There¡¯s your water,¡± Garth said, putting a melon on Doug¡¯s leg along with a knife to eat it with. ¡°Good luck, I¡¯ll be back when I find her.¡±


    ¡°Good luck to you too,¡± Doug saluted with a pea. ¡°for both our sakes.¡±


    Garth picked up his orange Combat Peas along with his spear, and ran towards town, hesitating at the stream. Once he crossed over, he was truly in monster country. He touched his wounded leg. Sore, but he could run on it. He took a deep breath and charged across the stream, heading for the outskirts of town, where the homesteaders and poorly-constructed church houses littered the road.


    Deeper in he would find the Walmart and the chintzy little used game store and hobby shop eeking by on the patronage of the teens of the town, a handful of neckbeards, and Garth.


    How many people could be left? There were barely twenty thousand people to start with, so what could Leanne have come across that she couldn¡¯t deal with?


    Garth proceeded carefully, ducking from rickety building to building, filled with all sorts of business that anyone with a computer never visited. Tax prep, legal advice, etc. the office buildings had looked hollowed out an dessicated before the Kipling had come to Earth, but now they loomed over him, filled with dreadful promise.


    He could practically feel his neck itching as he turned his back on the empty, broken windows with god knows what lurking inside.


    Halfway into town, he heard the sound of fighting, the hissing of Kipling and the shouts of humans.


    Garth ducked low and crept forward, homing in on the source of the sound until he was standing a block away from the local pet and feed store, where a dozen people on the roof of the sturdy building were fending off hundreds of Kipling of various sizes.


    The stupid things climbed each other like a scene from Starship Troopers, aiming to surmount the edge of the building while the humans stabbed them with homemade weapons and kicked them off the edge, pushing them back momentarily until others took their place.


    Garth narrowed his eyes, his newly superior vision clearly making out Leanne lashing out with a foot and sending a creature easily twice her size tumbling down the pile of flesh before another stood in front of her, blocking his view.


    She looked tired, run ragged.


    ¡°Time to see what thirty generations of selective breeding can do,¡± he whispered, setting down his spear and shifting a single Combat pea Mk 30 to his free hand. The peas had become larger and much heavier. In time, Garth supposed they wouldn¡¯t even look like peas anymore, but that was fine. The extra weight let him throw it further.


    He held the pea in his hand and focused on it, pouring energy into it until he felt the snap. Then he held it longer. A pale green light began to coalesce around the pea, and it begrudgingly snapped again, going to the second tier of hyper-fertilization, the result of an entire night spent practicing.


    Garth silently drew it back and flung it out with all his might. The little orange dot sailed into the distance, disappearing into the writhing mass of kipling with no discernable effect.


    For a moment, nothing happened.


    A breath later, the party started.


    The ground shook as arm-width roots tore open the parking lot, sending anchors deep into the ground.


    The primary plant burst outward, lashing dozens of Kipling together into an immobilized mass, but that was a drop in the bucket.


    The primary plant withered, its pods cracking open even as they were flung outward, showering the horde with hundreds of yellow-orange peas.


    Each and every one of those peas burst into a life of its own without the need for Garth to fertilize them, turning the hundreds of bunched up ghouls into a weakly struggling mass covered in green vines and pea pods. Garth did have to admit that they didn¡¯t taste as good as sugar snaps any more.


    The vines had even climbed up the wall and snagged a few humans, but they were cutting themselves out of it, quickly turning the desperate defense into a one-sided slaughter against the immobilized Kipling.


    ¡°Entangle!¡± Garth whooped with joy, throwing his hands in the air.


    A second later he heard the chuffing breath of a kipling behind him.

 Chapter 12: Asshole Tiger

    Garth ducked and rolled, hand-length fangs coming down where his neck had been an instant before. Garth was fast. Faster than he¡¯d ever been in his life, with the possible exception of when he was a high school senior trying to impress girls.


    It didn¡¯t make a difference. Having missed its bite, the tiger-kipling swiped at him with its paw, raking its claws along his side. For a surreal moment, Garth felt his flesh betray him as the creature tugged him forward with its claws, pulling him toward its mouth. With a wrenching twist, Garth ripped himself off its claws and threw himself to the side, careening headfirst through a strip mall doorway.


    I thought the glass was tougher, Garth thought to himself as he plucked an emergency Combat Pea out of the waist of his kilt with his left hand. His right arm was hanging down with three deep gashes on his shoulder, dripping blood onto the glass covered floor.


    The tiger was standing beside his spear and most of his peas, spilled onto the ground when he ducked aside. He could pin it there, but how would he kill it if he couldn¡¯t reach his spear? Maybe he could lure it through the window, entangle it, then grab his spear and finish it off.


    ¡°Come on tigger, let¡¯s see if you¡¯ve got the balls! I¡¯m betting your species is nutless.¡± If the tiger understood Garth¡¯s taunts, it didn¡¯t do anything about it, pacing back and forth outside the shop, waiting for him to come back out.


    Fuck it, Garth thought, waiting for the tiger to pace a ways away from his spear before tossing the pea. Once it was entangled, he¡¯d get his gear back, kill the dumb animal and show himself as the savior of the group of humans.


    Maybe I could demand 30% of the stones, Garth thought, tossing the pea.


    That¡¯d be what, like 368 Heartstones? I¡¯d be totally- OH SHIT!


    While Garth was counting his chickens, the tiger leaped out of the way of the pea, and the burst of plant growth caught nothing but air, settling into an unmoving mass of plants. Shit, missed.


    The tiger looked at the peas then back at Garth with deliberate focus. This was no animal. Got any more? It seemed to ask, taking a step toward him.


    It was waiting for me to disarm myself! It was watching what I did with the others and it fucking made a plan! Who would have thought the first smart Kipling he came across would be a tiger shaped one.


    It was then that Garth¡¯s mind began to fire on all cylinders, like something inside him had been paying half-attention to everything that was going on, sipping a coffee and reading the morning news. Once the tiger dodged the pea, this unknown entity spit its coffee on the keyboard before taking full control.


    Calm down me, if the enemy thinks, you just have to employ a different set of tactics.


    ¡°Come get some!¡± Garth cried, a wicked smile on his face as he reached into his waistband and pulled out his clenched fist. Thinking things can be bluffed.


    The tiger hesitated, and the two of them stared each other down for a moment before it slowly, deliberately, took another step forward.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Garth cursed, turned and ran. He was in a little novelty shop with incense and carved wooden mermaids. The room was stuffed with shelf upon shelf of healing crystals, chintzy jade figurines, fake gold. Garth assumed it made its money off the rare tourist and middle aged women looking for a reason why their life sucked. The answer was usually a lack of introspection, but Garth digressed.


    Garth jumped over one of the shelves, right arm flopping beside him. He heard the crunch of glass as the tiger pursued, moving much faster than him.


    Indeed, claws sheared through the wooden shelf an instant after he jumped over it.


    Garth¡¯s feet hit the ground and he put on a burst of speed, heading for the narrow set of stairs that lead up to where the owner lived. Garth didn¡¯t know her personally, but he¡¯d seen the dumpy lady about town every now and then, always wearing a lace shawl over fancier-than-necessary tops and skirts.


    He didn¡¯t have anything against the woman, but she seemed like a prude.


    The tiger stumbled over the shelf, giving him time to make it to the top of the stairs. Garth threw open the door and stormed into the room. Garth didn¡¯t take any time to look over the room before he immediately seized furniture and began barricading the door.


    Seconds after the first cabinet was in place, claws sank into the wooden door and began prying away at it. In an act of superhuman strength, Garth shoved a dresser over to the door and toppled it over with one arm before slumping against it.


    The scratching faded as the tiger realized it would take too much effort to get to the juicy prize inside. Garth heard it head down the stairs, and went to the window to see if it¡­ wait. Couldn¡¯t tigers jump really, REALLY high?


    The dreaded moment where the tiger burst through the second story window and butchered him didn¡¯t come, and Garth cautiously peeked around the corner towards the street.


    Just in time to see the beast bite his spear in half, before lapping up his spilled Combat Peas, crunching them between its teeth.


    ¡°Asshole!¡± Garth shouted down at it from the second story.


    The cat grinned. If cats could grin, Garth was sure they would look like that. Then it raised a single paw, bottom up, and unsheathed its middle claw, flipping him off.


    And that was the first time Garth met Demon lord Sibylline, Destroyer of Hope.


    The bastard tiger had a mean streak a mile wide, lifting its leg to piss on the remains of his weapon when its ears perked up mid leg-raise. Without warning, it turned and disappeared down an alley.


    Garth slumped against the wall, sliding down, his head dizzy from blood loss. He wanted to sit down and go to sleep, but first he needed to bind his wounds and meet up with the other humans.


    Sitting against the wall, Garth really looked around the dumpy old woman¡¯s bedroom for the first time.


    The floor was covered in shag carpet, with a sex swing dominating the center of the room. There was a pillory in the corner with easy height adjustment for that special someone, a ¡®milking¡¯ table, a leather hood, and a suspicious hole in the wall lined with soft felt.


    Beside Garth¡¯s head was a nightstand with a dildo the size of his forearm, still slightly wiggling from the recent commotion.


    The nightstand had three hundred dollar bills with a man¡¯s business card on top of them.


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said, casting his gaze over the room. ¡°Never would¡¯a thought.¡±


    He stood and began ransacking the woman¡¯s room. Even if she wasn¡¯t dead, he didn¡¯t think she¡¯d begrudge him some sheets to bind his cuts. She seemed nice.


    Whatever the tiger ran from was worse than it, and so Garth wanted to be at his best. First thing was first. Stopping the bleeding.


    Antiperspirants have aluminum. Garth tossed the woman¡¯s dresser and grabbed her deodorant, wincing as he put thick lines over the ragged cuts on his shoulder.


    This probably isn¡¯t sanitary. Garth tried not to think of the old woman¡¯s armpits and god knew where else as he spread the white bar over his cuts. The aluminum in antiperspirant was the same stuff they used in the coagulant pens you could find in the shaving section. Theoretically the aluminum would cause his blood to harden up and stop flowing much faster. Plus he would smell nice.


    After that was done, he put some under his armpits ¨C he hadn¡¯t had a shower in two days ¨C and tossed the bar aside, tearing up some clean sheets and wrapping his wound.


    Once he was done wrapping, Garth went back to the window, carefully searching the street for whatever had made the vindictive tiger bolt.


    It wasn¡¯t long until he noticed it. The noise from down the street had become a shouting match. Garth stuck his head out the window and made out some kind of armed force surrounding the pet store.


    See what¡¯s going on or fade away? Garth weighed his options. Chances were Mr. Tiger was waiting just out of sight of the armed force and would ambush Garth as soon as he was clear of them.


    While there was shouting, it didn¡¯t look violent. Yet. Garth decided to err on the side of people he could talk to. Harold was an exception though. If he ever saw that prick again, he¡¯d shoot first.


    By the time Garth moved the barricade out of the way and made it to the pet store, tensions had risen, and it came to Garth¡¯s attention that the armed strangers weren¡¯t exactly from ¡®round here.


    No less than fifty men with dusky skin, flat faces, and strange animalistic brows, stood encircling the pet store. Their leader seemed to be exchanging words with Leanne. They wore uniform, heavy-looking steel armor, but they didn¡¯t seem slow. Three of them repositioned themselves between their commander and Garth as he approached.


    ¡°I¡¯m friendly,¡± Garth said, holding his hands up.


    ¡°Prove you¡¯re not a Kipling.¡± One of them said, drawing a blocky sword that looked like it had been poured in one solid piece. The commotion drew the attention of Leanne and their commander.


    ¡°Um¡­how am I supposed to do that?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s one of ours.¡± Leanne said. ¡°He¡¯s human.¡±


    ¡°What, I don¡¯t look human?¡± Garth asked before glancing down at his purple skin and blue bathrobe kilt. Ah. Still need some clothes. The rest of the survivors were still on the rooftop or leaning against the wall of the building, watching the exchange. Some of them cast him curious glances. What did Leanne do to become their spokesman?


    The three heavy infantrymen stood down, their eyes sliding past Garth and returning to observing the streets. At least he didn¡¯t have to worry about the tiger.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Garth asked as he approached.


    ¡°Join your kind, human. This discussion is between the Oliga and your leader.¡± The flat-faced alien said, its rumbling gibberish somehow registering as English in his mind.


    Garth processed that. Then he processed that some more. His leader? Garth glanced at the humans at the pet store, trying to imagine what kind of situation had unfolded here that these soldiers would think she was their leader.


    Did the humans agree to that? Why her specifically? Was it because she helped them, or because of some other circumstances?


    Need info!


    Garth grunted and headed toward the mass of dead Kipling. The aliens tensed as he got close to the Kipling.


    ¡°Get away from there!¡± one of them roared, pointing a sword at Garth. ¡°Wait until we give you permission to harvest the Heartstones.¡±


    They seemed awfully possessive for a standing military. From what he knew about government directed military, they were afforded with everything they needed. Despite their uniform and their well-funded equipment, these guys seemed¡­hungrier than they should, somehow.


    ¡°Just grabbing something,¡± Garth said, continuing to walk toward the pile. He reached the nearest pea pod when one of the brutes tromped forward and put a sword to his neck.


    ¡°Stand away,¡± he growled, a low rumbling noise that half made Garth think the guy wanted to eat him.

 Chapter 13: Seedling Lockpicking

    ¡°Just getting a snack,¡± Garth said to the heavy breathing hulk with a sword to his neck, slowly snapping off a pea pod. The brute watched him with narrowed eyes. Garth put half the pod in his mouth and bit it off.


    ¡°Mmm.¡± Garth chewed, nodding with a smile. The peas were actually a little bland and rather tough, but the guy didn¡¯t need to know that.


    ¡°Go back to your people.¡±


    ¡°You got it.¡± Garth did an about face and headed away from the pile. The guard frowned and went back to his leader, whispering something in his ear.


    ¡°When will the rest of your party return? If you don¡¯t wish to cede the Heartstones to us, we need proof your group is as large as you say.¡± Garth heard the alien¡¯s leader say as he sauntered over to the wall where a man was watching him approach.


    ¡°What the hell happened to you?¡± The guy asked, looking his purple skin up and down.


    ¡°Fucked a goddess.¡± Garth replied, shelling a pea out with his thumb. He needed some kind of bandolier across his chest. They might have some at the sporting goods store. God knew people liked to hunt deer around here.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I tell it like it is,¡± Garth said, tossing the seed off to the side. The pea hit the ground, and shook the parking lot under their feet, cracking open the pavement and creating a large bush with hundreds more peas attached to it. Everyone¡¯s attention was drawn to the plant that hadn¡¯t been there a moment ago, including the armored aliens.


    ¡°What the hell are you doing to the parking lot?¡± the idiot demanded ¨C Garth recategorized him as such.


    ¡°Is this your parking lot?¡± Garth asked, picking a few handfuls of peas. ¡°Were you planning on parking here anytime soon?¡± The idiot stared at him for a moment and stalked off while a woman approached, taking his place. She was about forty with brown hair and quick eyes that seemed to be aware of everything at once.


    ¡°You must be the one who helped us earlier,¡± she said, holding out her hand ¡°I¡¯m Carol.¡±


    ¡°Nice to meet you Carol.¡± Garth said, freeing his hand by putting a pea pod in his mouth. They shook hands while he crunched down on the pod, freeing a pea and tucking it in his cheek with some slight of tongue. Never hurt to have a spare.


    ¡°Can you tell me what¡¯s going on?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, they asked if there was anyone with a rank, the girl stepped out, and they¡¯ve been arguing about who¡¯ll take the stones.¡±


    ¡°You ever seen one?¡± Garth asked, to which the woman shook her head.


    ¡°We spent all our time staying alive, we never had time to¡­do that. I read the same letter as everyone else, but I never thought it would be true, or that they would be valuable, but now they¡¯re threatening us if they don¡¯t get what they want. I don¡¯t know why she doesn¡¯t just give it to them, but they won¡¯t even let us speak.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not giving it to them because they¡¯re valuable,¡± Garth said, shelling some more peas until he had a respectable amount. ¡°Did they actually help kill the Kipling?¡±


    ¡°Not really, they showed up a minute after your plants immobilized them, killed a couple and declared that they belonged to them.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Garth said, casting his gaze over the aliens. They didn¡¯t seem like people to pick a fight with, their uniforms implied they were part of a larger organization, and the heavy armor would be a bitch to get through, even if he pinned them down. Leanne could just cede the point and move on. There were plenty of Kipling to go around.


    Garth was pondering that when one of the aliens ran up to him. The friendly woman disappeared like smoke as the heavily armed soldier approached. Good survival instincts.


    ¡°Forest Wizard. Our commander wishes to speak to you.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Garth started walking toward where the two of them stood, but the soldier blocked his path with a sword.


    ¡°Drop the seeds.¡±


    Garth narrowed his eyes. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°It is an order. Drop the seeds or we will beat you.¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡± Garth set the seeds down in a little pile before walking back to Leanne. ¡°You need something?¡±


    Their leader, a hulking mass of iron nearly seven feet tall, looked Garth over from top to bottom, his flat face scowling under his steel visor.


    ¡°What is your rank, wizard?¡±


    ¡°One star iron, apparently.¡±


    ¡°Listen well recruit, I outrank you and disobedience in the sphere military is punishable by death. Tell me, how many more humans are in your group?¡±


    ¡°Well-¡°


    ¡°I can¡¯t trust you¨C ¡°


    The leader barked, ¡°Silence!¡±


    Garth¡¯s mind started whirling. From his vantage point beside the leader, he could see several wagons pulled by large, ox-like creatures. The wagons had large waterproof oiled canvas drawn over them, almost reminding him of Oregon trail.


    Fact: The soldiers were surrounding the humans, and not the Heartstones.


    Fact: Leanne had told the leader that there were more humans coming. She was stalling him.


    Fact: Heartstones didn¡¯t require a wagon train to transport, not even thousands would fill a single wagon.


    It was possible that they were using the wagons to transport their own food, but Garth found himself doubtful as he watched take a bloody bite straight from a Kipling.


    Leanne had said the words ¡®can¡¯t trust¡¯. They had more weight now that Garth took into consideration her magical eye for people.


    If Leanne said so, these guys were up to no good.


    Maybe I should have taken my chances with the asshole tiger.


    ¡°Who¡¯s your commanding officer?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°I¡¯ll ask the-¡°


    ¡°Where are you deployed from?¡± the best way to catch someone in a lie was to bombard them with questions. It was also a good way to piss people off.


    ¡°We¡¯ve been sent from-¡°


    ¡°What are your standing orders?¡±


    ¡°listen here, you¨C¡°


    ¡°What¡¯s the going price for human slaves?¡±


    Their leader hesitated for an instant too long. He knew it, and Garth knew it. The aliens face contorted in a rictus of anger, so wrinkly that it would have been comical except for the man¡¯s tusks. (Garth assumed it was male)


    ¡°Take these two alive! he said, pointing at the two of them. ¡°The rest, do as you wish!¡±


    Instantly, Leanne sprang into action, turning and sprinting toward the soldiers blocking her path back to the other humans. A looming dusky skinned alien stood over her with his arms wide, aiming to catch her.


    Rather than duck under or try to run around, she lunged forward and caught the man¡¯s breastplate with her forearm, flinging him aside with one arm. The steel clad soldier tumbled backward and slammed his head against the brick wall of the shop across the street.


    ¡°Damn,¡± Garth said as she flung the linebacker sized soldiers out of the way one after the other with one arm. Girl was strong.


    Steel hands clamped around Garth¡¯s arms. He didn¡¯t bother struggling, he was too beat to shit to make a good getaway anyway. Tearing open his wounds and getting crippled wasn¡¯t part of the plan.


    Leanne shouted as she ran. ¡°Back of the store, run!¡±


    As if by magic, the regular, untrained civilians who¡¯d been idly chatting with each other as though they didn¡¯t have a care in the world, turned as a single entity and ran into the store. The sight made goosebumps stand on Garth¡¯s skin. We are borg.


    Maybe there was more to Leanne¡¯s abilities than she was letting on. Garth mused as iron gauntlets dragged him toward the wagons, his heels dragging against the pavement.


    The leader watched Leanne disappear and shook his head, snorting like a wild animal with a temper. His men started after the humans, but he stopped them.


    ¡°Let her go. She would have been valuable, but it would cost us too much to hunt her down, I think. The wizard will fetch a great price at a Nezair plantation.¡±


    Garth knew he should have been terrified, but he found himself having a harder time being afraid of anything, recently. Maybe his amygdala had burnt out over the last couple days. Mostly he just felt tired, an exhaustion radiating directly from his brain.


    ¡°Is nezair a drug? Because I could see myself as a drug lord, but I always wanted to own and operate a brothel.¡±


    A gauntleted fist caught him in the jaw and nearly made him swallow his only lifeline, the pea tucked away in his cheek. Thankfully it the tough pea didn¡¯t smush against his teeth, either. Garth didn¡¯t know whether to be proud of how hard the peas had become, or to check and see if he¡¯d lost a tooth.


    ¡°be silent, prize.¡±


    ¡°I was wondering why you guys had such nice armor and weapons and I guess it¡¯s for the same reason successful con artists have nice suits. If you look good, people will believe you¡¯re legitimate, right?¡± Garth started filling in the blanks. That was the why, but the who was still a complete blank. These guys probably couldn¡¯t afford their own uniforms. They worked for someone.


    ¡°Take him to the wagon and put the magic supressors on. If he speaks again, cut out his tongue.¡±


    Garth swallowed his next words, keeping his mouth shut as they hauled him away.


    It wasn¡¯t time to use the pea yet. Like a certain pirate once said. ¡®wait for the opportune moment.¡± Or something like that.


    The back cover of the nondescript wagon was flipped open to reveal iron cages stacked on top of each other of various sizes. There were animals of all shapes and sizes in the, from yapper dogs to deer and even a lizard about the size of his forearm sitting in a tiny steel cage. The smell was unbelievable. Garth was pretty sure something was dead in there.


    ¡°Hands out.¡± One of the aliens said in its gruff, non-englishy words. Garth was more curious how they got a universal translator without electricity when-


    ¡°OW!¡± Garth shouted when the big ugly yanked his wounded arm behind his back and clapped big, runed iron clasps on his arms, connecting them to a collar around his neck and shoving him in a cage that seemed to be two sizes too small for him.


    Hell, the deer got a bigger cage.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got one hour to butcher the kipling, then we¡¯re setting off,¡± Garth heard the leader shout. Shortly afterward, he heard the thunking of heavy blades sinking through flesh as they began doing just that. ¡°These smooth roads make for easy travel, so I expect us to be in the next town by morning!¡±


    Garth contorted in his cage, twisting his back and shoulders, wincing with pain as he tweaked his wounded leg and shoulder, all to put his left hand underneath his mouth. In a heartstopping moment, Garth let the pea fall from his mouth into his hand, dreading the damn thing falling out of place and missing his hand. One pea stood between him and a life of slavery.


    Now all he had to do was wait until the aliens had collected all the Heartstones and gone to sleep and he wouldn¡¯t have to share with Leanne.


    The lizard watched him accusingly.


    ¡°What? They¡¯re the bad guys, and Leanne gave up on them. They¡¯re mine by right.¡±


    Garth could have sworn the lizard shrugged and turned away.


    Now, for a proof of concept. Garth took the pea, grunting and watching it out of the corner of his eye as he held it against the cuff¡¯s lock. If he could get the root to sprout in the keyhole, he might be able to pick the lock, or simply break it. Garth wasn¡¯t sure which one was the better choice.


    He could barely see what he was doing, twisting his wrist at an unnatural angle to get the pea lined up properly, and he had no idea which side the root would come out. There might be an element of luck to this. Now was the moment where he found out whether or not these magic suppressing cuffs did as advertised.


    Apparently not.


    Garth tapped the pea against the wood floor, letting a gentle trickle of Beladia¡¯s blessing flow through the seed. When it touched the organic surface, It sprouted a little root and leaves. Garth cut off the power, keeping the plant small as he lined the root up with his cuffs.


    Maybe the cuffs didn¡¯t seem work on blessings. They¡¯d called him a wizard, but he wasn¡¯t actually using magic. At least he wasn¡¯t using his own magic. Maybe gods were too powerful, or the source was coming from outside his body, so the cuffs couldn¡¯t stop them. In any case, Garth had a shot at getting out of here.


    ¡°Come on¡­you bastard.¡± Garth said, grunting, his spine buckling and threatening to fold in half as he finagled the tiny root into the keyhole. ¡°Get it in, right¡­there! Shit!¡±


    The sprouted pea dropped out of Garth¡¯s straining fingers and rolled out of his cage, coming to a stop in front of the little, triangular-headed green lizard. It cocked its head, staring at the pea.


    Garth gasped and flopped over in his tiny cage, glaring at the errant pea. Maybe when the wagon hit a bump, the pea would slide back over to his cage. Garth stuck the fingers of his bound hands through the bars, but he could only reach a few inches outside the cage.


    ¡°Damnit!¡± no, be calm, I¡¯ve got all day, I can still use Beladia¡¯s blessing. An opportunity will come.


    The lizard licked its lips, staring at the pea sitting just in range of its pointy snout.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare!¡±


    The lizard picked up the pea with a lightning quick strike, pulling it into the cage and raising its head to wolf down the little treat.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Garth shouted, pointing at the lizard with his bound hand in impotent fury.


    The noise startled the lizard, and it dropped the seed, turning to run away, smacking the seedling with its tail in the process, rolling the little orange seed back over to Garth.


    ¡°YES!¡±

 Chapter 14: Overdose

    Less than an hour later, Garth and his new lizard friend were rattling down the road, heading Beladia knew where. Garth couldn¡¯t see anything with the wagon covers down. He¡¯d successfully popped open his restraints and was rubbing his wrists.


    ¡°So, lizard, what¡¯s your story?¡± Garth asked, talking just to talk. ¡°Wife, kids? Owner maybe?¡±


    ¡°Got a name?¡± he asked.


    The lizard stared at him in silence, unresponsive.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna call you Wilson, after Tom Hanks¡¯ volleyball.¡±


    The day went on like this for hours, chatting with a stupid animal punctuated by the occasional Kipling attack. The thing that slowed these guys down most about the flesh eaters was tearing them apart and storing their Heartstones. Garth wasn¡¯t one hundred percent sure why they didn¡¯t eat them all on the spot, but he could come up with some hypothesis:


    Garth was willing to bet on the first or the third, since if there was simply a limit per diem, they¡¯d have some kind of ration, and he didn¡¯t hear anything to that effect.


    Another question that bothered Garth was why were there slavers at all? If the outposts were the only way back and forth between spheres, then how did these guys do it? Were they technically part of the army and paid the people running the outposts good money to look the other way when they dragged collared natives through the gates?


    And was there a bounty for the capture of slave traders? They had to be criminals. Unless they weren¡¯t. The only way Garth could singlehandedly capture a band this big was to wait until they arrived at the outpost, then expose/capture them right on their doorstep.


    Unless this was sanctioned by the inner sphere governments. Garth was fairly confident he was about to find out.


    Questions, questions.


    Days passed as he pretended to remain imprisoned, eating some of the Thrask¡¯s beef jerky as they travelled, using his key-shaped root for quick jaunts out of his cage to grab the treat. He amused himself by tossing pinky sized chunks to the lizard, who seemed to relish them. It was gamey, but it was the only meat he¡¯d had in about a week.


    They fed him a watery gruel once a day as he relaxed, waiting for the perfect opportunity.


    Three days later it came.


    ¡°Get prepped for the outpost!¡± the leader roared one night as Garth was having a philosophical discussion with Wilson. ¡°Get the blood washed off, set up the camouflage! Get the lead out of your asses! Sometimes those prissy bastards do surprise inspections, and I¡¯ll gut anyone that jeopardizes our payday!¡±


    Oooh, perfect, they¡¯re on the wrong side of the law. Delicious.


    Garth put his hands behind his back as he heard the camp burst into motion. A moment later, the back of the wagon was drawn open, the light of the fire stinging Garth¡¯s eyes.


    Garth was beneath their notice as they worked, climing into the back of the wagon and rearranging the cages, sliding him and Wilson further into the back, along with dozens of other specimens. They packed them in tight, pushing his door up against another cage. Now getting out was gonna be a bit harder.


    Then they started arranging the last third of the wagon with crates that Garth hadn¡¯t thought much of before. They took crowbars and popped the tops on the crates, allowing the most incredibly potent smell to rise and permeate the entire wagon.


    Ah, Garth thought as he tried not to gag. The customs officers would open the first crates and then pass on the rest. A trick as old as time.


    I see your nefarious plans, and I raise you my own. Garth thought, taking his key-seedling out of the corner of his cell. Once they had finished with his wagon, but while the camp was still relatively noisy, he grew the root into the joints of his cage, popping the top off and climbing out. That accomplished, Garth lured Wilson to him with a bit of jerky and scooped the lizard onto his shoulder.


    ¡°If things turn south, I might have to make a run for it, Wilson,¡± Garth whispered. ¡°Gotta keep you where I can see you.¡±


    Wilson yawned.


    Once the camp was quiet, Garth climbed the rest of the way out of the wagon, peering cautiously out of the flap. The slavers were sleeping around five low burning fires while half a dozen men stood watch.


    Garth was tempted to use his peas on them then and there, wildly running around and stabbing people, but his time playing TRPGs had taught him that a wizard should use every part of the raider caravan. No sense letting them off easy when he could stand to profit even more. That and fifty heavily armed soldiers were bound to butcher him.


    The slavers on watch were facing the darkness, their eyes alert for hidden danger while Garth snuck from wagon to wagon until he found a dozen head sized sacks of Heartstones.


    ¡°Don¡¯t mind if I do.¡± Garth whispered, climbing up and making himself comfortable.


    ¡­¡­


    ¡°Wilson.¡± Garth said between Heartstones, his stomach churning. ¡°Remind me to never do this again.¡±


    Wilson licked his eyeball in a gesture of agreement.


    ¡°Ooh, Beladia, this is weird.¡±


    Garth stuffed a few more Heartstones in his mouth, swallowing with difficulty. Somehow the stones seemed to disappear as he swallowed them, because his stomach hadn¡¯t felt a damn thing as he¡¯d gobbled down the mercenaries ill-gotten loot, but after he¡¯d passed a couple hundred, his body had started to feel cold, and sweat gathered on his brow, like he was running a fever.


    ¡°Think I should stop?¡±


    Wilson blinked twice, telling him to keep going.


    ¡°You¡¯re right, it¡¯s not often you get the opportunity to so ¨C¡° he swallowed another palmful ¡°Thoroughly screw over someone who deserves it.¡±


    Garth let out a quiet chuckle as he scooped another handful of Heartstones into his mouth. It was maybe three in the morning, the watch had just changed, and he had maybe two hours before it started getting light outside again. The fires were low, and the only other light was that of the stars. After he¡¯d taken whatever he could from here, he¡¯d rearrange the sack in a way that looked less conspicuous and go back to his wagon.


    Garth started getting dizzy. Maybe these things had an alcohol content or something.


    ¡°One more?¡± Garth asked Wilson, debating. Signs were pointing to there being some kind of limit to the number one could eat at a time, and Garth didn¡¯t want to know what happened to someone who O.D.ed. He was a bit preoccupied to care though.


    Wilson nodded with an enthusiastic grin, his colors shifting rapidly. Was Wilson a chameleon? Whatever. He thinks we should keep going.


    Garth took another handful, and swallowed.


    A twitch started in his back, spreading to his shoulders, then legs, causing him to shake all over while the ceiling lights in the wagon swirled above him. Where there ceiling lights when he started? He was pretty sure the answer was ¡®no¡¯.


    ¡°Uhh, Wilson, what¡¯s going on?¡± he asked, looking over at Wilson, who was no longer standing on his shoulder. No, the lizard was standing on the floor, about three inches from where Garth¡¯s head rested as the rest of his body shivered violently. Watching him suffer.


    ¡°You lied to me!¡± Garth accused Wilson with a harsh whisper, trying to control his body¡¯s shaking. If his foot caught the wrong thing and alerted the Thrask, he¡¯d be up shit creek in a matter of seconds.


    Garth focused on his breathing, struggling to regain control of his body, even as his eyes began to slowly roll into the back of his head. The last Garth remembered was blackness dotted with bursts of light where his optic nerves were hyperextending, and the sound of Wilson¡¯s laughter.


    Garth didn¡¯t dream about Beladia that night. There were no dreams at all, apart from an odd aching sensation that seemed to come from everywhere at once, and a feeling like he was trying to move through syrup.


    Garth opened his eyes to the sound of the Thrask breaking down the camp. Lying beside him was Wilson, looking totally innocent. A beam of sunlight streamed in from a crack in the cover.


    ¡°uuugh,¡± he groaned, sitting up. His mouth felt like he¡¯d slept with it wide open. Garth tried to work his tongue around and think about nice sour lemons while he glanced around. By some miracle, no one had noticed him, and he hadn¡¯t died.


    ¡°I blame you for this.¡± Garth said, glaring at the green, scaly bastard who¡¯d misled him.


    ¡°Is someone in there?¡± Garth heard gravel crunch underfoot outside the tent and he launched himself to his feet, looking for a place to hide. Garth dove over the boxes in the supply wagon, gracefully flattening himself on top of one of the shorter crates, just outside eyeshot of the entrance.


    With a flap of cloth, the morning light poured into Garth¡¯s eyes, nearly making him cry out. There was some golden thing spinning in the light itself. It looked like a helix made of ideas, and it felt like it was trying to worm its way into his eyeballs and take up residence there.


    What the fuck? Garth slapped his hand over his eyes.


    ¡°Huh,¡± the Thrask grunted, not seeing anyone. Wilson was on his own, the little traitor. The Thrask must not have seen him, because a second later the flap closed, and Garth took his hand off his eyes, glancing around the wagon.


    Everything he looked at in the dim wagon began to wibble-wobble, like eddies of water were flowing inside the rigid structure of their form.


    ¡°I¡¯m still tripping balls,¡± Garth whispered, looking at his own hand, watching the eddies of green flowing inside his purple skin. They reminded him of Beladia¡¯s hair.


    The wagons began to move, lurching the boxes around the cabin, and nearly tossing Garth onto the floor. He managed to hold on until the shaking became more of a steady rocking that he could navigate without losing a finger in between the crates he¡¯d perched on.


    Once he was able, Garth grabbed Wilson, who was still sitting dumbly in the center of the wagon, before crawling over the crates to the front of the wagon. The lizard didn¡¯t seem to mind it when he used its claws to poke a hole in the canvas and look out.


    His first look at the outside world nearly made Garth throw up. Shifting patterns overlay the sight he¡¯d grown accustomed to, they weren¡¯t colors, exactly, otherwise how could he see the green pattern on top of the green grass so easily? Maybe what he was looking at just felt green.


    Like people who were really high could taste colors. That sort of thing. But how was he seeing colors on top of the colors that were already there? Maybe something wrong with his eyes? If not, he was looking at something wrong with his brain, and that was a little harder to swallow.


    Maybe it would go away in a few hours.


    ¡°This is fucked up, Wilson.¡± Garth said as they peeked out the little holes. The lizard twitched its tail against his back to tell him it wanted to see.


    Garth shifted his shoulder so Wilson could get a good view, holding the lizard¡¯s eye up to the hole.


    ¡°Can you see that weird stuff, with the swirly patterns?¡±


    Wilson nodded in agreement, causing Garth to sigh in relief.


    ¡°Thank Beladia. I¡¯m not going crazy.¡±

 Chapter 15: Butter Race

    ¡°Are you ready to do this, Wilson?¡± Garth asked, taking a deep breath. ¡°I need you to keep calm and cover my back, because this could get hairy if it goes badly.¡± He grabbed Wilson and settled him on his shoulder, facing backwards.


    They were standing on top of a crate, directly underneath a slice in the wagon covering, ready to burst out like a facehugger and ruin everyone¡¯s day.


    Garth squeezed the sapling in his left hand, and the plant began rippling under his skin as it thickened, sending roots into the crates beneath it as the vines began growing outward inches per second. Once he¡¯d made several handfuls of peas, he dropped the plant to the floor.


    ¡°Hoy there!¡± Garth heard the outpost sentry say. The faintly glowing canvas went dark as the shadow of the wall crossed over it.


    ¡°Show time.¡± Garth muttered. If Wilson responded, he missed it, because the lizard was too busy watching his back. Garth supercharged the peas and launched himself up through the wagon¡¯s covering, standing on the frame and looking down at the people around him.


    ¡°By the authority vested in me by¡­erm, the Inner Spheres I guess, I¡¯m arresting these slaving assholes!¡±


    The wiggling patterns momentarily blinded him, but Garth could make out the fifty-odd Thrask looking at him with expressions ranging from astonishment to outright rage.


    ¡°Get Hi-¡°


    Garth gave them the peas.


    The earth shook and peas started flinging everywhere in a cascading wave of green, tying up anything and everything in the vicinity, including Garth.


    The defenders of the outpost were blue humanoids with skinny limbs who would be seven feet tall if they weren¡¯t so hunched over. They grabbed their weapons in alarm at Garth¡¯s arrival, summoning more of their kind to witness the spectacle.


    Feeling the none-too gentle vines around himself, Garth withdrew Beladia¡¯s power from them suddenly, making them turn to ash against his skin.


    Garth climbed down from the wagon, cutting a path through the forest of vines until he reached the edge nearest the gate.


    The outpost itself looked a bit like a castle, if a castle had been poured out of pure concrete rather than stones, with smooth, rounded walls, and steel buttresses that seemed as though they had been anchored into the very flesh of the earth by a giant¡¯s hand. Beyone that, there was a beam of blue light rising up into the sky, marking where the Gate connected the Spheres together.


    A crowd had gathered around, where aliens of every shape and color had paused their coming and going from the outpost to gawk at the spectacle he had created.


    From the massive gateway, a troop of defenders rushed out, forming an impenetrable square in front of Garth and leveling their spears at him.


    Garth stood still.


    One particular blue alien stood out in front of the others and spoke. Their language sounded like the chittering of a squirrel interspersed with pig grunts, but the translator it wore seemed to do the job just fine.


    ¡°Put down any weapons you have on you, druid. We will escort you to holding and verify your claim.¡±


    Once they had verified the Thrask were slavers and arrested them ¨C they had found other humans and even some aliens in the cages ¨C Garth had pressed for any kind of reward he could, up to and including claiming that the entire caravan minus the illicit goods had belonged to him, and the slavers had stolen it.


    Use every part of the bandit.


    His temporary alien lawyer had haggled them up to a fifth the price of the wagon train and the entire remaining sack of Heartstones. He¡¯d given him a funny look when Garth had added Wilson to the agreement, but he wasn¡¯t sure if that was because he was an alien or not.


    Logistics completed an entire day later, Garth stepped out onto the streets of the outpost, a sack of Heartstones over his shoulder, and a heavy purse of Sphere Credits on his waist, wandering until he found what seemed to be a market.


    Calls in languages too various to keep track of resounded throughout the courtyard, and the street was lined with stalls displaying objects of every shape and size, from armor and weapons ¨C little of which would fit a human ¨C to food, jewelry, books, and those universal translators that everyone seemed to be wearing.


    Every stall seemed to be hewn out of rough wood and pegged together. Garth recognized the wood as ash. The entire set-up struck him as a wild-west boomtown. It must be expensive to bring stuff back and forth across the gate, so rather than bring lumber, they brought saws and made their own. Interesting.


    Garth walked up to a grumpy looking, pale, wrinkly shopkeeper that seemed to be displaying heartstones with unusual shapes and pure colors, and dropped his bag on the man¡¯s table.


    ¡°What can I get for these?¡± he asked.


    The shopkeeper opened the bag. His eyes widened for a telling moment before he grunted. ¡°These aren¡¯t refined yet, so they¡¯re no good to anyone. I¡¯ll liquidate the whole thing for you and give you three hundred Sphere credits.¡±


    ¡°I guess we¡¯re done here.¡± Garth said, turning away.


    ¡°Wait, five hundred credits, a¡¯right?¡±


    ¡°How about five hundred credits and a bit of common knowledge, just off the top of your head?¡± Garth asked, turning back.


    ¡°Whaddya wanna know?¡± the shopkeeper said with a guarded expression.


    ¡°What do you mean by not good to anyone? The letter said to use these to fuel your growth.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re from round here?¡± The shopkeep ¡®tsked¡¯, knowing he could have lowballed Garth far more than he had.


    ¡°Congratulations for getting this far I guess.¡±


    ¡°Thanks, what do you mean by unrefined?¡± he said, trying to pin the man down.


    The shopkeeper sighed, sending another covetous glance at the bag.


    ¡°Impure, low grade Heartstones¡¯ll poison you. In small doses, it¡¯s not bad, but if you eat a lot of em, it builds up in your system. That¡¯s why we refine them, so that customers can choose the stat they want to raise without risk o¡¯ death.¡±


    Garth looked down at the pure gemstones on display, red, yellow and blue gemstones, with middling clarity, as well as clear stones with bumpy surfaces, smooth, teardrop shaped rocks, and ones with spiderwebbing cracks on the inside of the stone. There were stickers next to each of them, ¡¯99 credits each!¡¯.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t eat a bunch, did¡¯ja?¡±


    ¡°a few.¡± Hundred.


    ¡°If that¡¯s the case, head down to the Adventurer¡¯s Guild, they got physicians that can take a look at ya, make sure you¡¯re all right. The poison stays in your system until you can get a cleric to pull it out.¡± The man pointed down the street, toward the beam of glowing blue light.


    ¡°Thanks. Five hundred credits for the sack.¡± Garth said, trading the stones for cash.


    Credits were gold pieces on the metric system, with the smallest denomination being about the size of a nickel, the largest being about a U.S. half-dollar.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be back, old man.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Sure.¡± He waved Garth away as he dumped the bag of Heartstones into some kind of sorting machine in the back of his stall. It kind of reminded him of a coin sorter, actually.


    Garth strolled on until he came across a stall selling universal translators, ¡®Status Bands¡¯ they called them, ranging from simple steel bands all the way up to fancy gold embroidered black leather with studded Heartstones. They were a bit like the cell-phone of the Spheres, everyone Garth saw on the street had one, except his poor self.


    ¡°Hey there, how much will these run me?¡± Garth said, motioning to the status bands that ranged in size from a friendship bracelet, to full on armguards.


    ¡°That depends,¡± the bloblike creature said, rubbing it¡¯s pedipalps together with eagerness. ¡°we have the simple Status Band that will allow you to keep an eye on your statistics and little else, hardly fit for an adventurer of your, umm¡­¡± the creature paused as it took in Garth¡¯s ragged appearance. ¡°Skills?¡±


    It shook itself, returning to its sales pitch.


    ¡°All the way up to the Black Gold model here, that can boost a specific stat, empower magic, store a limited amount of gear, psychically inform you of another¡¯s rank and do the same for them, with a connection to the Ethernet, a banking function that can connect you instantly to the Inner Sphere bank. I use one for my own transactions!¡±


    The blob took a black band out of its goopy folds and dropped a Credit into the largest flat gemstone atop it. The coin disappeared into the gemstone, re-appearing at the blobs command.


    ¡°How much for the Black Gold?¡±


    ¡°Three hundred Sphere Credits, sir.¡±


    ¡°Got one that enhances plant magic?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, those are only available by special order. It would take a week and an extra two hundred credits to order one in the next shipment.¡±


    Garth took out eight hundred-credit coins and put them down in front of the blob. ¡°I¡¯d like a sense boosting one for now, and I¡¯d like to order a plant-magic enhancing one as well. Can you do that?¡±


    ¡°Yes sir.¡± The blob said, bobbing in agreement. ¡°Do you want a box?¡±


    ¡°Nah, I¡¯ll wear it, Garth said, accepting the gem-studded black leather armguard and sliding his wrist into it. The armguard tightened itself down on his forearm, making his hair stand on end for just a moment, before it began pumping information directly into his brain.


    ¡°Whoah.¡±


    He pulled out one of his credits, and dropped it into the gemstone. In his mind, the count went up to one hundred and thirteen. When he put his fingers over it and pictured a hundred credit coin, it rose to meet his hand.


    ¡°Awesome,¡± Garth said, putting his credits away and checking the total.


    ¡°Thanks for your help.¡± Garth said, to which the blob wiggled in acknowledgement.


    ¡°If you need a tailor, my brother in law runs one on the corner of fifth and main.¡± The blob called out as he walked away. Clothes were a priority, but the first thing he needed to do was hit this Adventurers Guild and make sure he wasn¡¯t dying of poison. And what the hell would a blob know about tailoring?


    Garth headed down the main street, the signs now readable. A few hundred yards down the road, he spotted the ¡®Adventurer¡¯s guild¡¯ sign and walked in.


    The conversation lulled for only a moment as Garth walked in, then the various aliens turned back to their tables, and Garth was ignored completely.


    There was a man who could only fit the definition of an orc sitting up against the wall, chatting with a dwarf. There was a party entirely composed of ant-people, their conversation mostly composed of silently wiggling their antennae at each other.


    Garth spotted a Thrask, along with what he could only assume was the female of his species. Her flat face had finer features and most tellingly, the cleavage window of her shirt opened three times to reveal six breasts the size of watermelons. Garth¡¯s first instinct was to grease that shit up and go through it like a waterslide.


    Gotta have life goals, Garth thought, adding Thrask-tit waterslide to his mental bucket list as he continued looking around the main hall. Maybe he could be a pioneer in more ways than one?


    After working his way through the crowded building, Garth found the main desk, and his eyes widened in surprise.


    Behind the counter was a blonde human woman in a tightly packed black top, pushing generous breasts up and into the face of the blushing orc doing paperwork in front of her. From Garth¡¯s side view, he could see how her blue jeans could barely contain her ass, that glorious curve nearly making his mouth water. If he leaned over a bit further, he could probably make out the lines of her vacuum sealed camel toe.


    She can¡¯t be real. There was no way a human woman that attractive had made it here, then had gone on to work as a receptionist in the adventurer¡¯s guild, and chosen to wear a bodice-jeans combo. Wilson seemed leery of her too, giving the product of men¡¯s lurid fantasies a suspicious sideways look.


    Once the orc was done, Garth walked up and took his place.


    ¡°I¡¯m Sandi, How can I help you sugar?¡± she said with a southern drawl. While Garth¡¯s mind thought that was suspicious, his eyes thought her breasts were fantastic.


    ¡°Um, yeah¡­are you real?¡±


    She giggled, touching her succulent lips and looking Garth up and down with a gaze that promised a sweaty night in her bed.


    ¡°Of course I¡¯m real,¡± she said with a wry grin. Garth rolled his eyes internally at his misphrasing.


    ¡°Sorry, are you human?¡±


    ¡°I always wanted to be one.¡± Sandi leaned closer and lowered her voice. ¡°Maybe you could show me how it¡¯s done.¡±


    Garth swallowed. Stay focused, she can¡¯t have always wanted it, the aliens got here a week ago. Don¡¯t be fooled by plastic!


    ¡°You¡¯ve only been here a week, and you always wanted to be one?¡±


    She pouted, crossing her arms and cocking her hips, somehow looking even more attractive. ¡°Get to the point, What do you want?¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, willing to let the matter drop. After all, she had admitted she wasn¡¯t human, and he didn¡¯t think she was obliged to tell him anything more.


    ¡°I swallowed a lot of unprocessed Heartstones and I think I need a doctor.¡±


    ¡°Oh, The physician is only available to guild members, but it¡¯s an easy fix. Here, fill out this paperwork. Use this pen.¡± She handed him a paper and a rather large silver pen with a pure red gemstone on the back of it. The style was odd, but Garth didn¡¯t see a reason to point it out.


    With a shrug, he got to work. Garth was done quickly, as the paper mirrored the contents of his Status, with the exception of Beladia¡¯s blessings.


    ¡°You certify that everything written here is true?¡± Sandi asked. Garth nodded, and she performed a quick signature at the bottom of the page, before turning to file it in the back.


    She bent at the waist, affording Garth an incredible three quarters view of her shapely ass, arched back, and the curve of her breast, her top just barely keeping them from swinging free right then and there.


    Maybe it¡¯s not a problem that she isn¡¯t human, Garth¡¯s addled mind began to erode his caution as she had trouble making the files fit, taking a bit longer to put everything away. Once she was done, she turned back to Garth with a smile.


    ¡°There, it¡¯s all taken care of. Now, Garth, I¡¯m sorry I got mad at you. I know you¡¯ve probably had a rough time since the Kipling came. I¡¯d love to make it up to you. What do you think? You¡¯re a native of this planet, do you think you could show me around sometime? I¡¯d love to see the sights.¡±


    ¡°That could be fun, sure.¡± he said, a grin coming to his face unbidden.


    ¡°Looking forward to it.¡± She said, tilting her head in the cutest way. ¡°Doctor Kine is down the hall and to your left.¡± She pointed. ¡°After you meet with him, he should refer you to the Guildmaster to address some of the problems with your status.¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡± Garth said, casting one glance back at Sandi as he walked toward the hall. Damn, those lips could suck the chrome off a-


    He almost walked into the young orc that stepped in front of him. The brute was wearing a leather armor cuirass that extended protection up to his neck and down to his groin. He looked serious about killing things for a living.


    ¡°New guy!¡± he roared, making Garth tense up. Was this the archetypical hazing ritual? Might as well get it over with.


    ¡°Take this!¡± he forced a mirror about the size of his palm into Garth¡¯s hand, shattering his expectations.


    ¡°Umm¡­¡±


    ¡°Look at her!¡± The orc shouted, pointing at the girl behind the counter. Garth glanced over his shoulder at Sandi, who looked pissed.


    ¡°With the mirror, numbnuts!¡± the orc shouted again.


    Garth oriented the mirror so he could see her through it.


    ¡°Holy shit!¡± Garth flung the mirror away, dropping to the ground.


    What he saw there chilled him to the bone. Some kind of worm-mantis looking thing with legs galore and long scythe-like appendages below human-like hands covered in chiten. The monster¡¯s eyes glowed with flickering light, as though it were burning inside. Sandi towered over the desk, seven feet tall and four feet wide. There was more of her beyond what he could see hidden beneath the desk.


    Long story short, Sandi was a terrifying killing machine.


    The entire Adventurer¡¯s guild burst into raucous laughter.


    ¡°You guys are so mean!¡± Sandi shouted, cutely stomping her foot. The floor creaked.


    ¡°That¡¯s what you get for flirting with an ambush predator, buddy.¡± The orc clapped him on the shoulder.


    Garth climbed to his feet, sheer terror surging through his veins. He¡¯d been standing well within Sandi¡¯s range. She could have grabbed him, bit his head off and eaten him in a matter of seconds.


    But she didn¡¯t.


    That gave Garth pause. If she was doing a job here, that meant she could presumably control herself and not eat people. He glanced over to where Sandi was sulking in the corner of the desk, looking away from Garth and the jeering members of the guild.


    Worth it? Maybe not, but what the hell...


    Garth took a deep, fortifying breath and marched back up to Sandi as all the eyes in the guild followed him.


    ¡°What, are you gonna yell at me now?¡± She asked.


    ¡°You promise not to eat me?¡± Garth asked, holding out his hand. Sandi¡¯s face lit up with joy.


    ¡°Holy shit, this moron¡¯s gonna die!¡± he heard someone shout.


    ¡°Of course!¡± Sandi said, shaking his hand. Her skin felt unbelievably smooth and soft against his own. Who knew what the hell he was actually shaking right now, but whatever.


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll make some time to show you around Earth.¡± Garth said with his best womanizing grin.


    ¡°Awesome!¡± Sandi said, bouncing up and down, her breasts wobbling while the floorboards underneath her creaked dangerously.


    Garth turned to face the stunned crowd and puffed out his chest, jabbing it with his thumb.


    ¡°Garth Daniels has NEVER reneged on a date!¡± Garth scanned the room, meeting each and every one of their eyes.


    ¡°And he¡¯s not about to start now!¡±


    The guildhall erupted with cheers and catcalls.

 Chapter 16: Have Some Class

    ¡°I have never seen someone with this much Heartstone residue in their system. You should be dead. Maybe it¡¯s a human thing.¡±


    Garth sat in the doctor¡¯s office on a hard wood table with dried blood caked between the panels. The walls had real wallpaper on them, unlike the rest of the guild, and there were diagrams of alien anatomy pinned up here and there.


    Doctor Kine was one of the hunched over lankey blue aliens, Shinta, he¡¯d called himself. He held a hand over Garth¡¯s forehead, a bright light emanating from his palm as he extracted the poison.


    ¡°No offence, but how can you diagnose a species you¡¯ve never seen before?¡±


    ¡°What¡­Oh! I¡¯m not sure how your reality worked back home but in The Spheres, everything is an extension of thought, pure psychic energy.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t feel like pure energy.¡±


    ¡°Of course you don¡¯t. That¡¯s normal for low level adventurers and people from other realities. Anyway, my point is, a poison or a sickness, or even a wound, exists more as an idea than some immutable fact.¡±


    Garth glanced at the perfectly smooth shoulder where four days before had been nasty gashes.


    ¡°If everything is an idea, it affects everyone the same?¡±


    ¡°Basically,¡± Doctor Kine said, picking up his notepad and jotting down some notes before shining a finger-light into Garth¡¯s eyes to check his pupils.


    ¡°Then why would me being a human have an effect?¡±


    ¡°While the same poison will affect everyone the same across the board, there are still different tolerance levels between species. Tell me, how much does your kind like recreational drugs?¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­a lot.¡± Garth couldn¡¯t help but be a bit ashamed for his species, but the doctor just jotted it down with the same dispassion as someone making a grocery list.


    ¡°And are humans often purple?¡±


    ¡°This is from Beladia¡¯s Blessing,¡± Garth said, pointing at his skin. ¡°Normally we run the gamut from very light brown to very dark brown.¡±


    Doctor Kine arched an eyebrow. ¡°You mean to tell me that you¡¯re an Apostle of Beladia? And you¡¯re still alive?¡± he glanced back at his note sheet. ¡°That fills in some of the blanks.¡±


    ¡°Why, is that rare?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re uncommon to say the least. She doesn¡¯t get a lot of people who want her gifts, young adventurers are more interested in Hastia or Kolath for the added firepower. Beladia can be¡­flighty, and the people she favors tend to not be the kind that live long.


    The big blue alien pulled a stool up beside Garth and began looking into his ears with an otoscope.


    ¡°So, what did you specialize in? I hear you don¡¯t have a Class.¡± He said conversationally, putting the ear-thing down and holding out a glowing hand, running it up and down Garth¡¯s body, which was currently sans filthy skirt.


    ¡°Intelligence.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Interesting. On overdose of Heartstone residuals in an Intelligence specialized body should have driven you more than a bit loopy while your body was trying to acclimatize. Did anything strange happen to you, visions, hallucinations, anything like that?¡±


    Garth glanced over at Wilson, who held his index claw up to his mouth, the universal sign to ¡®shut the hell up¡¯. Then the little lizard drew a thumb across his neck, the universal sign for ¡®I¡¯ll kill you if you say one more word¡¯.


    ¡°Yeah, a few. I¡¯ve been seeing squiggly things in everything, and a lizard I¡¯m now half sure isn¡¯t real.¡±


    ¡°I see. Well, the good news is that you¡¯re not crazy. Those squiggles are Mana, the energy inherent in all of creation. The building blocks of our reality. You must have unlocked Mana Sight when you Evolved. Near-death experiences can do that.


    ¡°What¡¯s the bad news?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Your mind wasn¡¯t ready to handle superintelligence, and so it made a psychic construct to defend itself, rather than overloading your mind and driving you into gibbering lunacy.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°In the adventuring business, we call them familiars.¡±


    Garth glanced at Wilson. Why did you threaten me, you little shit? Wilson shrugged.


    ¡°Why is it bad news?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s bad news like occasionally wetting the bed is bad news. You should functionally be the same as any other person with an I.Q. above two hundred and climbing, but you¡¯ll talk to yourself every now and then, and behave a little oddly.¡±


    Garth chuckled.


    ¡°If that¡¯s the worst of it, I¡¯ll be fine.¡± Garth said, holding out his hand and letting Wilson climb up his arm to perch on his shoulder again.


    ¡°Alright.¡± Dr. Kine said, standing up and putting away his tools, waiting for Garth to dress.


    ¡°Go talk to Sandi, and she¡¯ll get you set up with a Class, then you can start working for the Guild. She¡¯ll explain the rules. Since you¡¯ve unlocked Mana Sight, I suggest you go for-¡±


    ¡°Wizard. Fuck yeah.¡± Garth would have popped his collar if he had one.


    ¡°¡­Sure.¡± Dr. Kine said with a shrug and saw Garth out the door to his office.


    ¡­.


    ¡°A Class is a more sophisticated version of the Specialization you chose when you first joined the Spheres, It provides you with talents that will allow you to pick up skills and traits associated with the class more easily, in exchange for making it harder to grow in other ways. Unlike the Specialization, Classes actually have penalties, so some people choose not to take them at all.¡±


    Sandi was explaining the Class system to him while Wilson¡¯s head bobbed up and down in time to the horrific insect monster¡¯s illusory breasts.


    ¡°Development of attributes not associated with the class will be somewhat stunted, along with a somewhat diminished capacity for learning skills.¡±


    ¡°So it¡¯s a way of turning yourself into an idiot savant, got it,¡± he said. ¡°What are the classes?¡±


    ¡°Here you go.¡± Sandi slid a piece of paper with a list of classes and their descriptions across the table.


    -Warrior- Enhances Strength, Speed, and Senses. Focused on adaptability in combat, the Warrior is excellent at one on one combat, able to switch between long and short range at a moment¡¯s notice. Talents: Blades, Ranged Weapons, Spears, Clubs¡­.the list went on.


    -Soldier- Enhances Strength, Endurance, and Memory. A high Endurance provides a safety net for the professional fighter, while Memory allows quick training, efficient long-term warfare in large groups. Veterans sometimes use their enhanced Memory to memorize spells without understanding the theory, allowing for some life-saving tricks. Talents: Spears, Armor, Riding, Formations, Repair, First Aid...


    ¡°Boring¡­¡± Garth said, scrolling his finger past all the fighters.


    -Spellblade- Enhances Speed, Endurance, and Intelligence. A reliable loner class, the Spellblade can safely navigate wilds and dungeons with their speed and endurance rather than strength, using their enhanced Intelligence to harness a variety of simple magics. Talents: Blades, Ranged Weapons, Mana wielding, First Aid¡­


    ¡°Close, but not quite. Looking for core casters.¡± Garth muttered. Wilson nodded in agreement. Or maybe he was still staring at Sandi.


    ¡°What¡¯s a core caster?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°Game term for someone who specializes in magic and only magic.¡±


    ¡°Oh, turn the list over.¡± Sandi said, and Garth did so.


    -Spellslinger- Enhances Speed, Intelligence, and Senses. A Class that is adept at ranged combat, raining powerful spells down from a distance with great speed. If mana is insufficient, the class has great talent for marksmanship. Talents:  Mana Wielding, Ranged Weapons, Kinetic sight¡­etc.


    ¡°That one¡¯s a maybe.¡± Garth said as he worked his way through the spellcasting classes. He was tempted by a Druid class with a boost to Nature spells, but his eyes widened when he found the one he wanted.


    ¡°This.¡± Garth said, jabbing his finger into the Archmage class. ¡°This one.¡±


    -Archmage- Enhances Intelligence, Memory and Senses, bringing the mind closer to the font of magic than any other class. Archmages receive a boost to all spells, and are able to learn powerful spells quickly, and even create entirely new spells and magical artifacts with enough practice. The poor physical traits, and lack of Combat Talents make them unsuited for the adventuring lifestyle, leading them to focus mainly on studying the nature of Mana and developing new spells. Talents:  Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory.


    Sandi looked down at the Archmage class, her pouting lips frowning. ¡°Are you sure? It doesn¡¯t say this, but being an Archmage isn¡¯t cheap, you know? Spell books are spendy, and it takes months to completely master spells, and you¡¯re not exactly going to have time to prepare yourself before the Dungeon Rush.¡±


    ¡°Listen up, Sandi,¡± Garth said, motioning her closer. Sandi leaned closer, putting the bare skin of her cleavage inches away from Garth¡¯s face. He imagined she was actually looming over him, drool dribbling from her foot-long fangs. But whatever, she seemed like a nice, misunderstood girl.


    ¡°I always run a wizard.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± she said, and Garth held up a hand.


    ¡°How much are spellbooks?¡± he asked.


    ¡°The book for a single spell can range from eight hundred Credits, to tens of thousands, all the way up to the priceless manuscripts of Archmage Castavelle. They don¡¯t even sell those. And don¡¯t get me started on how expensive they would be to ship to the Outer Sphere.¡±


    Garth narrowed his eyes. ¡°I can make it work. I want this one.¡±


    Sandi heaved a sigh and rolled her eyes.


    ¡°Okay, but a Class is a once in a lifetime thing. I hope you know what you¡¯re doing. That¡¯ll be four hundred Credits for the Class Imprint.¡± She said as she reached under the desk, giving Garth an excellent view of her lower back leading into the thong that disappeared under her tight, tight jeans.


    ¡°Since you¡¯re a native, the Guild is willing to loan you the credits in exchange for-¡° She lifted an enormous black orb on a solid iron base, pausing when she saw the money in Garth¡¯s hand.


    ¡°Nevermind,¡± she said, setting the sphere on the counter with an impact Garth felt in his feet. How heavy was that thing? Garth handed her the cash, and Sandi made a quick note on a piece of paper and slid the coins under the table.


    ¡°Now put your hands on the orb and keep them there until I give the all clear.¡± She said sweetly, giving Garth some misgivings. The all clear? Is it gonna explode or fry my brain or something?


    Garth took a deep breath, swallowed his trepidations and put his hands on the black sphere. He¡¯d trusted her not to kill him this far, hadn¡¯t he? He stood there a moment, waiting for something to happen. The guild members all paused their conversations, turning to watch the strange human receive his Class.


    ¡°Is something supposed to happen, because-¡°


    ¡°Wait for it¡­¡± Sandi said, holding up a finger.


    Garth frowned. ¡°I don¡¯t-¡°


    A blast of lightning surged up Garth¡¯s arms. The electricity traveled through his veins, lighting up his forearms from the inside. The lightning traveled up his arms, and rather than going through his heart, they continued up to his brain, scorching shut every nerve ending and frying every synapse as power beyond comprehension flooded his soul.


    Garth couldn¡¯t take his hands off the sphere if he wanted to.


    In front of his open eyes, the Guildhall faded away, darkening as a door of pure light seemed to open in front of him. Beyond that threshold, he understood everything, including the meaning of his life, and the powers that could be his. He felt as though some cosmic entity of light had stepped through, gently but powerfully reached right into his brain and reshaped his being in the image of his choice.


    The white hot light invaded his mind, scouring away everything that was impure, leaving Garth in the perfect image of his flawed self. Somehow, he was complete while the light was there, and without it, he would be once again vulnerable to the whims of fate, shaped in the image of his circumstances, part Garth and part animal, vying for scraps from the dinner table.


    Without warning, as suddenly as it had come, the light dimmed, pulling out of Garth and heading for the door in front of him.


    ¡°NO!¡± he shouted, tears running down his cheek as the door began closing, leaving only the hollow sensation of loss. ¡°Come back, goddamnit!¡±


    ¡°Garth!¡±


    ¡°Garth!¡±


    He blinked once, then again, and he was once again standing in the guildhall with his hands tight around the black sphere. His throat was hoarse. Was I screaming?


    Sandi was pressing a hand to his forehead, watching him with concern. ¡°That took far longer than it should have. I think maybe someone in the Divine realm took a personal interest in you. How do you feel?¡±


    Garth peeled his hands away from the black sphere, panting.


    ¡°Ready for that date.¡± Garth gave her a grin amid catcalls from the spectators, setting his shaking hands on the table to steady them.

 Chapter 17: A Date With Sandi

    The hell is a phytomagus? Garth thought as he and Sandi walked down the street together after the business hours of the guild were over. Plant magician? He didn¡¯t feel like a plant, but then again, he was purple and hadn¡¯t felt the need to eat in a few days either, so who knew?


    ¡°And this is where they sell spellbooks.¡± She said, pointing to the darkened windows of a shop shuttered after dark and glowing with magical wards.


    ¡°Sorry about using you to show me around town on our date¡± Garth said with a sheepish grin, setting aside his musings. They¡¯d walked around the outpost and Sandi had pointed out every business that he intended to visit in the coming day. Garth¡¯s list of things to do tomorrow were such:


    And maybe the day after that he could start learning magic.


    Who am I kidding? I¡¯ll have to save the spellbook for last, or I won¡¯t get anything else done that day. Maybe longer.


    ¡°It¡¯s no problem. I really didn¡¯t expect anything at all, so this is nice.¡± She said, shrugging. Garth glanced at the nearby shop windows as they walked and spotted the long insect legs weaving through pedestrian traffic beside him. She was so big he couldn¡¯t make out her main body through the poor angle of the mirror.


    ¡°No, I¡¯m gonna take you out and show you the human world,¡± Garth said, shaking his head and glancing back her way. The human avatar she maintained blushed and glanced away from him. The question you gotta ask yourself is, how much of that is what I want to see?


    ¡°And to pay you back for showing me around, I¡¯d love to take you out to eat. Where would you like to go?¡± Garth wondered how much a body that size needed to eat.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s okay, you wouldn¡¯t want to.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯ve got a big appetite.¡±


    ¡°I imagine,¡± Garth said with a chuckle. ¡°but I wanna pay you back.¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t exactly take me to a restaurant.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fiiine,¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m new in town, I¡¯ve got cash burning a hole in my pocket, and I wanna impress a girl. I don¡¯t need to eat, and you¡¯ve been splendid to me. So, where do you want to eat?¡±


    ¡°Brian¡¯s Livestock!¡±


    Why am I not surprised.


    Sandi grabbed his hand and steered him toward the outskirts of the town.


    They came up to the stone wall of the city, which Sandi told him were made by earth wizards, who pulled the bedrock straight up into an unassailable wall. Walls that wouldn¡¯t have done much against drone strikes and nuclear missiles, but those things didn¡¯t have a snowball¡¯s chance in hell at working anymore, so it was a moot point.


    Against the stone wall was a wooden fence and a massive pen where an alien in a straw hat chewed on a golden piece of wheat. It would have been charming, but for the massive, low-browed beast that sat beside him, with a similar indifferent look, chewing on a similar tuft of grass.


    ¡°Brian!¡± Sandi said, waving as she approached.


    ¡°Miss Sandi, you¡¯re a couple days early.¡± Brian the Alien Farmer turned to face them. He looked like nothing less than a minotaur with a pair of overalls. He dusted his hands off as she approached, driving his shit-shovel deep into the earth with one hand.


    ¡°I know,¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯m on a date!¡± she said, pointing to Garth, who craned his neck to look up at Brain, who must have been eight feet tall if he was an inch.


    Guy must have been closing on seven hundred pounds of pure muscle, and Garth couldn¡¯t think of a single human that could possibly go toe-to-toe with him.


    Except Andre The Giant, and by extension, The Man In Black.


    The minotaur took a glance at Garth, his brows furrowed, then he looked back at Sandi.


    ¡°So is he like you, or¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a native, actually. A human.¡±


    ¡°And you¡­know who Sandi is?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°Brian!¡± Sandi exclaimed, to which the minotaur held his hands up, warding off a solid thump from Sandi. ¡°I get enough of that from the boys in the Guild!¡±


    ¡°Sorry, I just wanted to be sure!¡± Brian gave a chuffing laugh, guarding himself as Sandi¡¯s playful slaps knocked him ¨C the eight-foot tall giant ¨C around like a child.


    ¡°Brian, this is Garth, Garth, this is Brian. Garth is the nicest, handsomest guy I¡¯ve ever met. He offered to treat me to dinner, and he smells soooo good, and I was starting to get hungry again, so I figured why not? If this doesn¡¯t scare him off, nothing will.¡±


    There¡¯s the pheromones I guess, but I wonder if I smell good in the want-to-eat way, or the want to have sex with way? Garth wasn¡¯t sure he could handle either of those things.


    ¡°You¡¯re right about that.¡± Brian said before his smile faded. ¡°Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about.¡±


    ¡°What is it?¡± Sandi said, her large eyes blinking.


    ¡°To tell you the truth, this is the last time I can afford to sell you a buck. Back home the feed for the Bantas was cheap, they were hardy and they bred well, but now¡­ it¡¯s like they haven¡¯t gotten used to this planet, and most especially, feed prices are just too steep to transport through the gate. I didn¡¯t do the math well, I guess.¡±


    Brian scratched his temple in shame.


    ¡°But Brian, you¡¯re the only person here who knows me,¡± she said. ¡°No one else is willing to sell to a succubus!¡±


    ¡°I know, I know. It¡¯s just not sustainable. My feed¡¯s costing an arm and a leg, and until someone starts a plot of Banta grass, I¡¯m keeping them on quarter rations. They¡¯re starting to starve and everyone in town expects them to do the same amount of work. I can¡¯t take them outside yet either or they¡¯ll get picked off by Kipling.¡±


    Brian sighed.


    ¡°I hear¡­Earth animals can be pretty tasty?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t go out and spend half my time hunting! I¡¯ll lose my job at the Guild!¡± Sandi said, pouting. She leaned against Brian in dismay, and Garth noticed the minotaur was having a hard time keeping his eyes on her face.


    Holy crap, this is a problem I can solve.


    Garth cleared his throat, catching the attention of Sandi and Brian.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± she said, stepping away from Brian. ¡°We should go. I don¡¯t want to put such a bad end on our-¡°


    ¡°No, I think I can help both of you out.¡± Garth said. He spotted a bin beside the fence, marked FEED.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± Brian asked as Garth walked up to the bin and opened it. It was empty, about the size of a dumpster, and there were a few bits of strawlike grass at the bottom. It was about six feet deep, so Garth had to nearly crawl in to snag a little bit of grain off the very bottom.


    Garth held it up to the light of the outpost¡¯s lanterns, inspecting the stalk with a few pieces of golden grain weakly hanging on. It looked indistinguishable from wheat or barley to a layman. Perhaps they were the same, and farmers like Brian simply hadn¡¯t found the human farms yet. It had only been a week or so, after all. He¡¯d have to talk to the minotaur about it.


    ¡°I¡¯m an Apostle of Beladia.¡± Garth plucked a single grain free, watching Beladia¡¯s green mana pulse through his fingers.


    Crack


    Crack


    Crack


    Crack


    With his Mana Sight, he watched Beladia¡¯s mana swirl, condense, fracture, then condense three more times, until the grain was crackling with energy, more than he¡¯d ever been able to focus before his class change.


    ¡°Here you go.¡± Garth said, holding out the seed. ¡°Toss that in your Banta pen.¡±


    Brian gave him an odd look before glancing at Sandi. ¡°So you had a run in with Beladia huh? Some things are starting to make sense.¡±


    ¡°And make sure to stand back. It should be fun.¡± Garth said, running the numbers in his head as the information flooded into his mind.


    Just by holding the seed, he knew that the plant itself would give off fifty kernels per stalk in ideal conditions. Receiving the power of Beladia fell under ideal conditions. So, fifty kernels from the first, multiplied by fifty for the second generation, and so on, until the fourth generation.


    Fifty to the power of four was six and a quarter million kernels. At seventeen thousand kernels to the pound he was looking at three hundred and sixty seven pounds of pure grain, give or take. Not including the body of the plant itself. That would be a few extra tons of plant matter.


    Brian held the seed in his palm and snorted, giving Garth a suspicious look before shrugging.


    ¡°What the hell¡¯ve I got to lose?¡± he said, walking out to the middle of the Banta pen. He ignored Garth¡¯s warning to toss it and stand back, instead jamming the grain into the Banta-stomped dirt with his wrist-thick fingers.


    ¡°Wait-¡° Garth tried to call out, but it was lost in the explosion of green with the minotaur at the epicenter. Seeds burst out violently, covering the ground before bursting out again, covering every inch of the Banta pen with a thick stand of waist deep grass, brimming with seeds just about to ripen.


    the tidal wave of grain swept outside the pen and washed over Sandi and Garth, out into the packed dirt road leading up to the pens.


    ¡°Brian, are you okay!?¡± Sandi called, her chest heaving with worry. Her chest heaved with anything, really.


    ¡°WHOOO!¡± Brian lunged out of the densest mass of Banta grass, letting out a roar that echoed off the walls of the outpost, his fist bloody where the grass had exploded against his fingers.


    Brian surged forward, a towering wall of muscle bearing straight down on Garth. Garth only had time to flinch as the images of quarterbacks with broken spines ran through his head. Brian collided with him, driving all the wind out of Garth¡¯s lungs as he wrapped his limbs around him and lifted him in a hug that threatened to eject his internal organs.


    ¡°That was awesome!¡± Garth heard Brian bellow above his head as he struggled to survive the minotaur¡¯s gratitude.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­glad.¡± Garth wheezed.


    Brian dropped him to the ground with a grin, flexing his wounded finger. The minotaur turned to watch the Banta eat, absentmindedly winding a bandage from his overalls around the thick stubs of his fingers. The starving beasts were going to town on the grass.


    ¡°Hot damn. That¡¯s two days worth of feed there,¡± he said, dropping the bandage back into his front pocket. Brian looked back at Garth with a twinkle in his eye. ¡°How much do you want for it?¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m just here to buy Sandi dinner, so how about the first one¡¯s on the house, then one fifth the import price for a charged seed like that?¡± he said, nodding toward the center or the pen, where the grass was so thick Banta were having trouble moving. They were doing their best to eat their way out, though.


    ¡°Really?¡± Brian said, kneeling down and grabbing Garth¡¯s shoulders to stare him directly in the eye. The minotaur¡¯s huge nostrils flared, sending a gust of minotaur breath directly into his face.


    ¡°Really. It¡¯s no trouble to me, and we could both use the extra cash, right?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got a deal, Garth.¡± Brain said, clasping Garth¡¯s hands in his own massive meathooks. Garth winced as his bones creaked. Garth was used to hard work, and his hands were by no means delicate, but the minotaur made him look like a doll by comparison.


    ¡°Great, I¡¯ll stop by and make you a couple more seeds tomorrow morning. I don¡¯t know If I¡¯ll be in town all week, so I¡¯ll make enough to last awhile.¡±


    ¡°Sounds good to me. By the way, do you have a way to control exactly where they grow, or should I expect to have to trim a little outside the pen. I don¡¯t mind, it¡¯s just a bit less time spent, you know?¡±


    ¡°I getcha,¡± Garth nodded. ¡°I can¡¯t control it, but if I ever can, you¡¯ll be the first to know.¡±


    ¡°No problem,¡± Brian said, rubbing his chin and nodding.


    ¡°Boys?¡± Sandi said, drawing their attention to where the demonspawn was crossing her arms in irritation, pushing her breasts up and out even further than Garth had thought possible.


    ¡°Umm¡­yeah?¡± he asked, reorienting on her face.


    ¡°I¡¯m happy that you two can get excited about things, but can we eat? I got my heart set on eating tonight, and now I¡¯m starting to lose my mind.¡± Sandi drooled a bit. ¡°You two are starting to look tasty.¡±


    Brian hopped up, uncrossing his arms and getting to work with a quickness, he went over to the pen of reject bucks, hauling one apart from the others and guiding it to the entrance.


    As soon as the mulish animal got out of the pen and stopped trying to gore Brian, it spotted Sandi. The Banta brayed and charged the succubus, stopping just shy of spearing her with its gnarled horns, throwing its legs over her shoulders and trying to hump her legs.


    Garth stared at the strange scene, as a woman that size with a one-ton animal putting its weight on her would normally be crushed. Sandi laughed, petting the mindlessly rutting beast on its coat a moment before leaning forward and nibbling on it.


    Garth wasn¡¯t sure what to expect, but he wasn¡¯t expecting the gaping wound that appeared on the back of the Banta¡¯s neck. Sandi severed the tremendous beast¡¯s spine in one bite, dropping it to the ground.


    Garth didn¡¯t even see what did it, the Succubus¡¯s real body hidden behind a veil of illusion. He had to assume it was her mouth, but who knew.


    ¡°Hey,¡± Garth called to Brian as they both watched Sandi bend over the beast, ass wiggling, her long pink tongue lapping up the blood while her breasts were jostled by the dying beast¡¯s twitching legs. As she erotically sucked up the blood, large chunks of the animal disappeared into what Garth assumed was her real mouth.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± Brian asked, his eyes fixed on the spectacle.


    ¡°Is it possible to be aroused and scared at the same time?¡±


    ¡°You tell me.¡±


    ¡°Is this why you sell to her?¡± Garth managed to tear his eyes away from where a blood-covered Sandi was basically dry-humping her meal, and sent a glance at Brian.


    Brian rubbed the back of his neck, his fleshy nose turning red. ¡°There aren¡¯t a lot of minotaur ladies where we¡¯re from, so after she visits¡­¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t tell Sandi.¡±


    ¡°Thanks. I blew it with her a long time ago.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Well-¡°


    ¡°Garth, do you want some?¡± Sandi called from the 1/3rd eaten Banta as she pushed herself up from the exposed ribcage. Her bodice had been pushed down around her waist as she ate, freeing her head-sized melons to swing below her. Blood dripped down her breasts as her nipples brushed against the carcass beneath her.


    ¡°You got a grill I could borrow?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Sure.¡± Brian said, heading into his wooden shack.


    ¡°Could I get a couple ribs to share with Brian?¡± Garth asked, approaching the blood-covered succubus. She reached into the buck with her dainty hands and tore out a section of ribs about four feet long by three feet wide, exposing the Banta¡¯s steaming internal organs.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have to eat, but I am curious.¡±


    She held the chunk of meat out to Garth, and he glanced toward the shack, where Brian was still clomping around. No time like the present to see how far this could go.


    ¡°Mind if I cop a feel?¡± he asked, kneeling down and taking the ribs out of her hands.


    Sandi glanced down at herself and blinked, covering herself. ¡°Oh, I didn¡¯t mean to tempt you like that, I was just really hungry.¡±


    ¡°Do I look like I mind?¡± Garth asked. If he got angry every time he saw a nice pair of tits, what kind of man would that make him? Matter of fact why the hell did anyone get angry seeing a nice pair of tits? Crazy bastards. ¡°I¡¯m all for it.¡±


    ¡°Oh, well, I guess it¡¯s okay.¡± She said, putting her arms down and uncovering the massive tits.


    Garth gently ran a hand over her breasts, the blood making the soft, pliable flesh slip over his hands, the nub of her nipple brushing his palm with the slightest resistance. Garth was amazed at how blood was coming off on his hand. Were the boobs real or not? His mind was brimming with ideas.


    How much of her false image was real, and what kinds of things could he do with it?


    Sandi stifled a moan, giving Garth pause.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just, right after eating, I¡¯m a little sensitive.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Well.¡± Garth gave her nipple a light tug, making Sandi yelp before he stood up. ¡°Probably shouldn¡¯t go too far on the first date anyway.¡± Gotta find a mage armor spell or something in case Sandi¡¯s love bites get a little intense.


    ¡°If you say so,¡± she said, glaring at him as she covered her assets. The corners of her mouth twitched as she tried to suppress a smile. There was a slam from the minotaur¡¯s shack as he kicked open the door with a cloven hoof.


    ¡°Here¡¯s the grill!¡± Brian shouted, carrying out a charred wooden frame supporting a cast iron box with a grill full of charcoal. Resting on top of the grill was an old-timey barrel with a spigot and three huge mugs.


    Black dust covered the minotaur¡¯s hands from where he¡¯d been handling the charcoal. Red blood covered Garth¡¯s hand from where he¡¯d been handling Sandi. The minotaur didn¡¯t seem to notice as Garth handed him the bloody rack of ribs, probably assuming it was from the meat.


    ¡°All right, let¡¯s get this party started!¡± Brian shouted.


    An hour later, Brian and Garth were sitting and drinking beer and eating roast Banta with live entertainment, having convinced Sandi to finish her meal entirely nude. It got real interesting when her avatar started licking itself clean.


    ¡°This is weird.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Brian asked.


    ¡°This is the best date I¡¯ve ever been on.¡± Garth said around a mouthful of steaming Banta.

 Chapter 18: Good God Greg

    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt was starving. Her mourning had made her ignore her hunger, walking aimlessly and staring into a fire for days on end. It was only when she slipped and fell that she realized she was dying.


    ¡°The Z¡¯Tet hive¡­¡± She said, grunting with effort as she tried to stand. ¡°Is the strongest, most unshakable hive, with roots that go beyond the Groundbreaking. Z¡¯tet warriors¡­ Eat Ch¡¯Ti¡¯zet and crap Ze¡¯Chi.¡±


    She pushed herself to her feet, buoyed by the pride and the expectations of her Hive. Her group was dead, but she still had work to do. She had to reframe her thought process. She wasn¡¯t abandoned in exile: This was an extended work tour, away from the Hive. It was nearly unbearable, but it was necessary, she had to retrieve a Mythic Core and send one back to her tribe.


    After that, who cared what happened to her? The Queen probably said those words to her to make her less reluctant to go.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt hissed with self-loathing and punched a nearby tree, splintering the bark under her hard fist. Why must she always doubt?


    She took a deep breath and felt her lungs filling her thorax. She was still alive, she would continue her mission. First thing first, she needed food.


    Checking her quiver, she saw two dozen arrows remaining. Her Hive-mate¡¯s arrows.


    A crackling sound drew her attention, and she took aim at the sound. It was a four-footed earth creature, with strange, mossy skin that was colored light brown with white spots.


    The sudden movement made the animal bolt.


    Food!


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt fired, missing the fleeing animal by fractions of an inch. She followed up that arrow with another three in the space of a breath, but her hunger-weakened body missed every shot, allowing the animal to put distance and the strange Earth-trees between her and itself.


    It¡¯s over, she realized. That was my last chance. The male had been carrying the food, and there was no way she could go back there now. She could feel herself growing even weaker as the creature bounded through the underbrush offering barely a glimpse of its brown hide.


    That was my Hive¡¯s last chance. She saw a fleeting glimpse of the animal beyond a stand of trees. Once she died of hunger, there would be no one to save them from slavery to the Inner Sphere banks for another several thousand years, not until another Sphere was added.


    Unacceptable.


    More than dying, as a warrior, letting her Hive down because she couldn¡¯t land a single shot infuriated her. They could have sent T¡¯chetizz, whose arrows never missed their mark, or Sh¡¯tizit whose natural Endurance made her almost immortal, but they sent me, and I. Am. Failing Them!


    ¡°Nooo!¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt hissed, a flurry of impotent rage overwhelming her.


    Rage, and something else. Something colder.


    She reached out, trying with the last of her strength to capture the impossibly distant creature, when a blast of ice erupted from her splayed palm, driving her backwards and slamming her against a tree none-to-gently.


    When her vision cleared, there was a trough of upturned earth, so cold it was making a stream of mist gather at the bottom. At the end of the trough was half of the Earth creature, the other half embedded in the earth by a massive boulder of ice.


    Her vision wavering, Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt crawled toward the food, determined to survive, ignoring her Status Band that was telling her of the changes in her body.


    Ignoring the Band, Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt put two hands over the other two, dragging herself to the fresh kill. The bitter cold air in the ice-covered trough didn¡¯t seem to bother her so much. Her whole body ached from the impact with the tree, and her blood was becoming dangerously depleted of nutrition. If she didn¡¯t eat soon, she would fall asleep and never wake up.


    Keep going, keep going¡­ Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s world went dark, her last sight her own arm from about two inches away.


    ¡°Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt.¡± She heard a voice call her name, and looked up. She was no longer in a forest, instead she was standing in some kind of massive black space, with no visible floor, walls or ceiling.


    Above her stood a massive Tzetin, Her carapace showing signs of great age. A Queen of Queens. Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt knelt instinctively, her antennae twitching with the sign of respect due such a being.


    ¡°You may stand, I am not one of your Queens.¡± The Queen said. Not a queen? Obviously the queen suffered from dementia, but that didn¡¯t excuse any disrespect. She was caught in a dilemma, obey her and show disrespect, or disobey, to the same effect.


    ¡°But-¡°


    ¡°I am Greg, the god of generosity, honor, filial piety, and timely intervention. You see what you wish.¡± The Queen spoke.


    Confused, Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt climbed to her feet. The exhaustion and pain in her body seemed to be gone, allowing her to move as she would. A god, then, not a queen. What could a being like that want with this failure of her species?


    ¡°What¡­?¡±


    ¡°You may not know this, but the Tzetin are among my favorite species.¡± Greg spoke.


    ¡°There has never been a Tzetin blessed by you.¡± She replied.


    Greg¡¯s antenna twitched in the equivilant of a shrug.


    ¡°While they are consistently loyal to their Hives, there have been very few who have been blessed with a choice. You are one of those rare few, and you have chosen to stay true to your Hive, and that makes you special.


    ¡°I don¡¯t feel special.¡±


    ¡°Do you not?¡± The god asked, her antennae twitching with humor as she stepped forward, bringing her wizened form closer.


    ¡°Then let¡¯s fix that.¡± The age-spotted hand settled on Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s chest.


    A cleansing wind blew through her body, invigorating every inch of her.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s sight came back into focus, expanding out as her mind came into full control of her body. With a shuddering gasp, she pushed herself up onto her elbows, looking around as the Status Band updated.


    Time had passed. The sun had changed its angle, streaming down from the west, and only a few feet ahead of her, big black birds had gathered to peck at the cold half of the spotted brown animal ¨C a deer, she would later learn ¨C peeling away bits of flesh and skin.


    Reinvigorated, she shooed the crows out of the way, pulling flint out of the backpack hanging over her thorax. She glanced at the creature, wondering what it tasted like, and deciding she didn¡¯t care as long as it wasn¡¯t poisonous. It would be far safer to cook it. That broke down most poisons.


    She needed to be ready. She needed to be healthy and fit when the Mythic cores came down, so she could enter the fray and secure one for her Hive. One core would reinvigorate their run-down hive, allowing them to pull themselves out of poverty, While a second could be used to buy off the Bank and those ruthless Entramond worshippers, making their recovery even faster.


    A third¡­ Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt didn¡¯t even dare hope for a third. The competition would be fierce and bloody, the chances of her walking away alive with even a single Mythic core were astronomical. That is, if she behaved like a Tzetin.


    If she acted like an outsider, if she relied on the Tzetin reputation for naivete to lure a group into a false sense of security and killed them when they¡¯d fended off competitors and laid their hands on a core, then she¡¯d have a chance.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt recoiled from the idea. The thought was so foreign to her that the concept flew from her her mind, like trying to grasp a slippery ¡®tchi¡¯z seed. It made her think of the human in the ¡®bar¡¯ who¡¯d acted friendly, showing them native drinks and chatting as though they were old friends before turning on them.


    Could she do something like that?


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt shook her head, antennae quivering with disgust. She couldn¡¯t. Nothing like that, to anyone. She may not trust as easily as her kind, but she would never break it. The very thought made her stomachs churn.


    What options did that leave her?


    Speed. She had to get her first core through sheer speed. If she was as far as possible from an outpost, then she could approach one, secure it and be gone before any other prospectors showed up. Not a bad plan.


    The second Core? She would think about that after she¡¯d gotten the first.


    She got the fire going well, and used her knife to cut strips from the deer¡¯s flesh, roasting them over the flame. The meat was lean, without much fat, and no seasonings, but her insistent hunger pangs made it the sweetest meal she¡¯d eaten in some time. She just wished she had hive mates to share it with.


    #


    The bell of the tailor¡¯s shop rung as Garth pushed the door open, aggravating his hangover.


    Apparently, Minotaur beer was stronger than human beer. Go figure. Still worth it. He¡¯d settled up with Brian for the meal around midnight and Sandi had shown him to the local inn, where adventurers paid for their stays by the night, seeing how they sometimes don¡¯t return.


    The inn gave him a room somebody hadn¡¯t returned to in two weeks, clearing out the presumed dead man¡¯s possessions in a detached, efficient manner in exchange for one hundred and fifty credits. When asked why the inn was so expensive, the fat orc manager shrugged and told him he could sleep outside if he liked. Supply and demand, I guess.


    Sandi offered to keep him company, but Garth gently turned her down. He was drunk, but he still wanted to keep his wits about him, and felt like sex with Sandi was ill advised without Protection with a capital P. That, and Sandi was not good for his wits. She was, however good for his heart and autonomic nervous system. Really kept his gears oiled up, made him feel like he was twenty again. Like he wanted to fight somebody.


    Autonomic nervous system, jeez. Garth shook his head. Ever since he¡¯d begun improving his stats, his physique had gotten better, sure, but his mind had grown by leaps and bounds, allowing him to recall every useless piece of information he¡¯d ever seen, even in passing.


    It wasn¡¯t so much like all his memories were constantly present in the back of his mind, and more like a powerful search engine with an AI autofill would pull memories as they pertained to his situation and apply them.


    It was like being smarter without feeling smarter.


    Garth glanced at Wilson on his shoulder, wondering how much of that was his influence. The lizard was busy inspecting the man in the shop, ignoring Garth¡¯s navel-gazing.


    A thin man about four foot five with white irises turned from his sewing work as the door rang, glancing at Garth¡¯s ragged polyester kilt. How is this guy a blob¡¯s brother in law? Wait. Brother in law. Does that mean this guy is married to a blob-girl? Wonder how that played out. Guy probably has a hideously oversized cock that will only fit someone who literally stretches.


    ¡°You need help,¡± the tailor said, more of a statement of fact than a question.


    ¡°I lost my clothes about a week ago.¡± Garth said, stepping into the shop and dismissing his unkind thoughts. ¡°Looking for durable a new outfit and a bandolier.¡± The shop smelled a bit musty, and was completely constructed out of rough-cut wood, like every other building in the outpost. The lighting came from a small white orb on the top of a lamppost that was reflected down at the work in his hands. It looked almost like a normal lamp, except it had no cord, and was made of ornamental wrought iron.


    ¡°Nice lamp.¡±


    ¡°It was a bridal gift. Terribly expensive to ship out, but it means a lot to us.¡± The tailor said as he hopped off his seat, picking up his measuring tape. The man barely surpassed Garth¡¯s waist, but he had all the confidence of a professional as he pulled up a chair and started taking Garth¡¯s measurements.


    In a matter of minutes, he¡¯d gotten started making his clothes and shoes. Luckily there was a bandolier that fit Garth, so he paid for all of them and left, with instructions to pick up his order at sundown, walking out with the new leather strap hung over his shoulder.


    Now the second order of business: Magic.


    Garth tried to fight down his grin, but he failed miserably, prancing down the street and smiling like an idiot.

 Chapter 19: Venture Capital

    Garth arrived at the shop Sandi had pointed out to him the night before. This time it was open, and run by an elderly Shinta woman. At least he thought it was. Garth had a hard time identifying the gender of certain races, and the blue, lanky Shinta people didn¡¯t have a big difference between one and the other. Pretty sure it was an old lady though.


    The shop was boxlike and made from rough wood like the others, but it had the distinctive smell of books, and glowing wards on the door.


    ¡°Good afternoon.¡± The woman said from behind the counter as Garth entered. She frowned, her gaze settling on his ragged loincloth, then his expensive Status band before landing on his beaming face. ¡°How can I help you?¡±


    Garth looked around. The spells weren¡¯t on display, just a handful of trinkets, earings, bracelets, jewelry, even what looked like a wand.


    ¡°Spells.¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯ve just got my Class and I¡¯m looking for spells.¡±


    ¡°Any spell in particular?¡±


    Oh, this woman just bit off more than she can chew, Garth thought, taking a deep breath.


    ¡°I need something that can armor me against attack or horny succubi if possible, a spell to control plants, definitely, a spell to alter plant¡¯s genes, if you got one. A flying spell, a polymorphic spell, a spell to move things with my mind, a fireball spell, a spell that can bind a consciousness into a plant and let it roam around, or alternatively summon a plant monster. A spell to move my consciousness into a plant, a spell to turn myself into a plant, a spell to create finished products from base materials, a spell to turn my blood into acid-¡°


    Garth stopped to refill his lungs.


    ¡°Well-¡°


    ¡°A spell to make fungus grow on a target, a spell to control the chemical output of a plant or fungus. A teleport spell, a scrying spell, a spell to calm people down, a spell to turn them on, a spell to control people¡¯s minds, a spell to create illusions, a spell to make things shrink or grow, a spell to start fires, a spell to refine chemicals, a spell to make people fall asleep, a spell to-¡°


    ¡°Wait!¡± she shouted, a hand on her temple. ¡°How much money do you have?¡±


    ¡°Oh, about four and a half grand.¡± Garth said, checking his balance. He was saving another hundred and fifty for another stay in the inn.


    She sighed and rolled her eyes, going to the back of her store and coming back with a armload of books, setting them on the counter in front of him.


    ¡°These are the ones you can afford.¡± She said as Garth inspected them, his translator faithfully converting the alien writing into words he could understand.


    Ogarth¡¯s Force Armor ¨C 1500 credits


    Menendais¡¯ Plant Design ¨C 1000 credits


    Menendais¡¯ Control Plants -3000 credits


    Konamai¡¯s Fire bolt -1500 credits


    Create fire -800 credits


    ¡°To be clear, you¡¯ve got more in the back, I just can¡¯t afford them?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Most of the things you asked for, yeah, Except for a few of the truly expensive or illegal ones in that list of yours. Most of them are way over five grand apiece. Force Armor and Fire bolt are just cheap because they¡¯re common.¡±


    ¡°Why¡¯s plant design cheap, then?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°low rate of efficiency, difficult to practice, plus you gotta wait a year to see if it worked. It¡¯s mostly a novelty to the private collector, but it''s taking up space with my other books. Huge farms use it to make new cultivars, but they all have their own copies, and millions of acres, of course. You planning on starting a huge farm with only four grand?¡±


    Garth grinned. Good idea. ¡°Maybe.¡± He pointed at Control Plants. ¡°This one lets me move plants, yeah? Not make them bloom faster or make them feel better after a rain, right?¡±


    The old woman let out a dry laugh. ¡°It¡¯s a spell to create a pseudo muscular system in any plant, and control it as you wish.¡±


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± This left Garth with a dilemma. He could spring for Control plants and Force Armor, giving him a method of attack and defence, and maybe some protection for dating Sandi. Not a bad choice all around.


    OR¡­ he could pick everything aside from control plants, and pick that up later. If he could find a way to get the money.


    Suddenly, he remembered Brian¡¯s plight and the steep prices of the inn.


    Holy shit, a problem I can actually solve. Supply and demand.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take Control Plants and Plant Design, please.¡±


    ¡°You want a box for em?¡± She asked as she took the stack back to the back.


    ¡°I¡¯ll put ¡®em in my Band.¡± Garth said, taking out four thousand gold credits. After playing around with the storage function a bit this morning, he¡¯d figured out that it could store about a cubic yard of gear. Spellbooks, a wizard¡¯s lifeline, were an optimal choice. Now he had to remember not to store anything that could spill or get sticky.


    ¡°Alright. Pleasure doing business with you, and good luck with your farm, I guess.¡± The old lady said, waving at him halfheartedly as he left. He would need a ton of money if he wanted to buy any more spellbooks, but he already had an idea for exactly how to go about it.


    Garth opened the Control Plants book as he exited the shop. As if by unspoken agreement, Wilson perched on his head, steering him through the crowd as he flipped through the pages, eyes on the words hand-scrawled across the page. Thankfully the Status band seemed to translate that as well.


    #


    ¡°So how much do you pay for raw lumber?¡± Garth asked the master carpenter, a dwarf sitting in a pile of wood shavings in the middle of a yard where men were busily throwing together frame after frame for quick-build cabins. The dwarf was rich, in charge of the biggest group of construction workers in the growing city and Garth had had a hell of a time working his way through all the man¡¯s minions to speak directly to him.


    He needed a little capital to start his business, and that meant he needed some quick cash. The date with Sandi and the conversation with the magic saleswoman - collector?- got him thinking about a hybrid of quick supplies paired with long term investments.


    ¡°We don¡¯t pay for our lumber. We get it ourselves.¡± The Dwarf, one Higgurth Kole, spoke, a sour frown on his face. ¡°You trying to steal my business?¡±


    ¡°It can¡¯t be free, can it? Garth asked. All those men cutting down trees are men not building houses and making you money. I imagine you have to hire mercenaries as bodyguards when you travel, too?¡±


    ¡°We handle ourselves just fine.¡±


    Tough nut, Garth thought.


    ¡°Tell you what. I¡¯ll bet I could provide twice as much wood at half the price of one of your logging expeditions, in one day. If I''m wrong, you can have all the wood I own for free while I go consider other employment. ¡± Garth hit him with the hard sell.


    The dwarf¡¯s eyebrows rose for a moment before he scowled and shook his head.


    ¡°You couldn¡¯t match the quality of the wood we bring back, grifter. Only the finest wood makes its way back.¡± Got him.


    ¡°So if I could match it, at that price and speed, you¡¯d be interested?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re blowing smoke up my ass,¡± he said, but the dwarf¡¯s posture said he was interested.


    ¡°What¡¯s your favorite wood on Earth so far?¡±


    ¡°Nothing beats darkwood from back home, but I¡¯m partial to oak.¡±


    ¡°Oak, huh,¡± Garth said, taking an acorn out of the bandolier across his chest. It had taken him a few hours to get every species he could think of, but the payoff was worth it.


    ¡°Fire in the hole!¡± Garth shouted, tossing it into the middle of the yard.


    The earth shook as the little nut exploded into a full grown tree, its thick branches wildly thrashing the air from the recoil of its rapid growth. the men working in the yard stopped and gawked at the massive oak that''d sprouted in the center of their workplace.


    ¡°Kolath¡¯s balls!¡± The dwarf shouted, falling off his chair, knocked back by the sudden gust of wind.


    ¡°Yeah, it¡¯ll do that.¡±


    ¡°You bastard! It¡¯ll take a day just to pull that damn thing out of my work yard,¡± Higgurth shouted, his face going red ¡°And another to plug the hole it made! You¡¯ve cost me money, you damn moron!¡±


    Garth held up his hand and guided the mana in the atmosphere into the tree. Control Plants had come incredibly easy, probably on account of his class. Somehow it just made sense. He couldn¡¯t make them move fast yet, but it just took a glance at the first chapter to allow him to understand the theory and try the spell. Once he read the entire book and got some practice, he¡¯d be able to use plants as weapons.


    Right now, making them move was plenty.


    Garth¡¯s temple ached as he weaved a latticework of strands of mana through the tree, allowing its cells to expand and contract to his whim.


    Control Plants Proficiency has reached 20%!


    In front of them, the oak gingerly peeled its roots out of the ground, smoothed out the dirt it had come from, then carefully laid itself on its side beside the rest of the man¡¯s raw lumber.


    ¡°I think you¡¯ll find the oak to be very high quality.¡± Garth said, glancing at the gaping dwarf. Higgurth sobered up quickly and gave him a calculating look, rubbing his hairy chin.


    ¡°Can you do the same with Darkwood, lad?¡±


    ¡°of course.¡±


    ¡°Then you¡¯ve got a deal.¡±


    ¡°How much are you willing to pay per ton of darkwood, right now?¡±


    They got to haggling.


    ***


    ¡°I bet you want something for your patrons to drink, but booze is practically worth its weight in gold to import around here.¡± Garth said to the manager of the Inn, a rather large Orc.


    ¡°What¡¯s it to you?¡±


    ¡°How would you like to be the major shareholder in a well-established orchard that produces ten tons of apples a year, enough to keep your patrons drunk and happy on cider indefinitely?¡±


    ¡°Why, did you find one within five miles of the place?¡± the innkeeper asked with a sneer. They both knew there was nothing within sight of the outpost, and there wouldn¡¯t be for years to come, as they had just begun expanding.


    ¡°There could be one.¡± Garth said, putting a handful of dirt in the orc¡¯s cup.


    The orc snarled and grabbed Garth¡¯s neck, lifting him out of his seat at the bar, intent on pummeling him.


    ¡°Wait.¡± Garth croaked. ¡°I wanna show you something.¡±


    The innkeeper dropped his fist and Garth.


    ¡°Better be good.¡±


    Garth reached into his bandolier and grabbed an apple seed, dropping one into the dirt. He¡¯d held back on account of not wanting to make a mess, so the seedling sprung out of the ground and stopped growing at about four inches, nestled in the dirt.


    ¡°I could make you an entire orchard in a day.¡±


    Garth wasn¡¯t expecting the fist that impacted his nose, knocking him clear out of his seat. The only thing that stopped him from snapping his neck against the furniture was the back of another adventurer that cushioned his fall. Of course that came with its own set of problems.


    The adventurer flung Garth aside with a backhand, making him feel like a pinball as he careened to the floor, gasping for breath. That did not go as well as expected.


    ¡°Get the fuck out of here! You obviously used Control Plants to hide the seedling in the dirt. You can forget about staying here too, fucknugget!¡±


    Garth crawled to his feet, vision swimming. He eyed the glowering Innkeeper across the bar and wiped his bloody nose. Guess the guy wants a demonstration.


    Garth popped open his bandolier and brought out another apple seed he¡¯d gotten from a moldy husk in the trash. The apples had been brought in by an adventurer as a curiosity from an abandoned grocery store.


    Garth flicked the tiny seed onto the nearest table, and the seedling began to grow, burrowing its roots down through the table as it sprang upward. Garth stood with his arms crossed, watching the young apple tree approach the high ceiling of the inn.


    ¡°Stop!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s almost done.¡± Garth said, ignoring the innkeeper as the silent patrons watched with their mouths wide. The ones on the table backed away, sloshing their watered down swill as they retreated from the expanding roots.


    A few seconds later, the tree burst into pink and white blossoms, then rapidly swelled with fruit. Garth reached out and plucked a single red apple from the tree perched on the round wooden table, taking a bite.


    ¡°hmm¡­¡± It wasn¡¯t great since it was a cross pollination of a popular brand mixed with a crabapple, but it was still better than what they could get out here. With a little work, he could make an excellent clone.


    ¡°Not bad,¡± Garth said, nodding as he ate. ¡°Is anyone else here sick of the endless grind? Did anyone else come out here to get away from the Inner Spheres and make something that you can give to your children, your grandchildren?¡±


    ¡°Did anyone come looking for an opportunity?¡± Garth scanned the room of silent aliens listening to him.


    ¡°Does anyone here want to skip twenty years of tending a farm and own a piece of land that produces tens of thousands of credits a year right now? If you stay here, there¡¯s no loss in it for you. Nothing will happen, aside from what you already expected. A lifetime of building some meager living out of no-man¡¯s-land. But come with me now and I¡¯ll get you your first harvest in the next week.¡±


    A few hands went up.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go.¡± Garth glanced at the Innkeeper and pulled out two hundred Credit coins, throwing them on the apple-tree laden table. ¡°For the table.¡±


    ¡°Wait!¡±


    ¡°You lost your chance.¡±


    By the end of the day, a hundred or so aspiring alien farmers had plotted out a piece of land outside the walls, and Garth owned a twentieth of each one.

 Chapter 20: Familiar Treats

    The sun had gone down already by the time Garth finished with the negotiations, making sure each of the farmers had land they wanted, a different product that didn¡¯t step on any of the other¡¯s toes, and setting up a business account with the Inner Spheres where they could deposit 5% of their profits, which would then funnel into his personal account after taxes.


    Along with signing contracts, Garth spend an agonizing amount of time making sure that the sudden influx of cheap products wouldn¡¯t ruin anyone on this side of the Gate. His greatest fear was that the market would collapse, leaving all the work he¡¯d done today pointless, and more importantly, causing a lot of suffering to a lot of innocent people.


    The biggest headache was explaining why these new farmers shouldn¡¯t flood the market with their product right away, and instead dole it out sparingly for the first few years as the Outpost expanded into a proper City. Garth was pretty sure he got through to them, but he gave himself veto powers, just in case.


    It was a good deal for everyone involved, as Garth¡¯s five percent was barely noticeable, and skipping a generation of cultivating land was more than worth it. In the end, the deal essentially made Garth the owner of five farms worth of yearly profit with none of the work.


    Most of his start-up money had gone to the lawyers that made the situation truly hands-free.


    Starting tomorrow, the farmers would bring the first harvest that he¡¯d provided to the market to start making the money they would need to build more solid infrastructure on their plots, and the money would start streaming in.


    Cheaper prices would allow more people to settle. More settlers would mean more profit.


    Garth couldn¡¯t believe he¡¯d finished in a single day.


    It made him realize that so much of life¡¯s frustrations, interruptions, and slowdowns was a result of making mistakes and learning from them. He hadn¡¯t done any of that.


    The plan had flowed out of his mouth like it had been beamed into his head by an expert who¡¯d been haggling farming contracts and balancing commodities his entire life. The entire arrangement had fallen into place as if each and every alien sitting there listening to him had been waiting for it to happen, and already knew what they were supposed to do.


    If this is thinking, Garth thought, shaking his head as he walked back down main street. I don¡¯t know what I was doing before.


    Garth was walking down the lamplit street, heading for the Adventurer¡¯s guild, where at the crack of dawn, he¡¯d posted requests for a few choice plants with juicy rewards for completing them, along with hand-drawn pictures of what the plants looked like, so the aliens could identify them.


    Garth¡¯s artistic skill had improved tremendously, and he was able to draw accurate representations of the plants he was looking for, while Wilson looked on, interrupting him every now and then to demand some more jerky.


    As he walked down the street, Wilson tugged his ear, pointing toward a meat stand selling venison caught and stove-dried in the last few days. The kind of jerky you could break your teeth on.


    ¡°You don¡¯t want that.¡± Garth said. ¡°It¡¯s super hard, and you¡¯re a psychic construct. You can¡¯t even eat.¡±


    An orc walking towards him on the same side of the street crossed over, giving Garth a wide berth.


    Wilson opened his mouth, pointing at his tiny row of sharp teeth.


    ¡°No,¡± Garth said. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ no!¡±


    Wilson bit his earlobe with the aforementioned sharp pointy teeth.


    ¡°Ah! Son of a bitch!¡± Garth shouted, tilting his head and trying to pry the little bastard away from his ear. The few people remaining on the lamplit streets stared at Garth as he tugged on his own ear.


    ¡°Fine!¡± Wilson released his ear as Garth changed direction, heading for the stand. He was kind of hungry. Was Wilson hungry because he was? If Wilson existed to safeguard his Id from the overwhelming amount of superego that had been shoved into his mind, would Wilson embody those desires? He had been eyeing Sandi something fierce this morning.


    Maybe he was still suspicious of her?


    Yeah right.


    Maybe if his high school course of psychology was right, he¡¯d just figured everything out, but Garth was pretty sure there was a lot more at play than could be explained by a semester of studying Sigmund ¡®Daddy Issues¡¯ Freud.


    ¡°Why did you choose to be a lizard, anyway?¡± he asked as they approached the stand. Wilson polished his claws against his chest in a gesture that said ¡®because lizards are cool¡¯.


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± The matronly dwarf said, putting her hands on her hips with a scowl.


    ¡°Wasn¡¯t talking to you,¡± he said. ¡°By the way, can you see him?¡± Garth pointed at the lizard riding shotgun.


    ¡°See what?¡±


    ¡°That about sums it up, you¡¯re not real, therefore, you can¡¯t eat jerky. Hey!¡±


    Rather than listen to him, Wilson had already climbed down his shoulder and begun gnawing on one of the pieces of dried meat, his eyes rolling back in his head while he tried to cram the treat into his tiny mouth.


    ¡°You gonna buy something or not?¡± she asked, frowning at him with a cautious look.


    Garth glanced between the woman and the lizard gnawing on a piece of meat directly in front of her. If there were any good evidence that no one else could see him, he supposed that was it right there.


    ¡°Fine, you can have your meat.¡± Garth said, rolling his eyes and taking out gold. ¡°But only because I¡¯m in a good mood ¡®cuz we got all five things crossed off our list today, including get fabulously wealthy.¡±


    ¡°How much?¡± Garth asked.


    The woman glanced at the sign that clearly said ¡®2 credits¡¯ and back at Garth. ¡°Fifteen credits.¡±


    ¡°Damn, walked into that one,¡± Garth muttered as he took out cash. ¡°Ten pieces please.¡± Still in a good mood, still rich.


    ¡°How¡¯d you get rich in one day?¡± the woman asked as she bagged up Garth¡¯s order, including the lizard, who dangled from one of the slices of meat she dropped into the paper bag. ¡°Did the Mythic cores come down without me hearing about it?¡±


    ¡°¡­The what?¡±


    ¡°You know, the dungeon cores that fall from the sky? Worth insane amounts of money if you can pry them out of their dungeons and absolutely priceless if you can get them on the first night. You look like an adventurer Didn¡¯t you come out here for that?¡±


    The woman looked at Garth¡¯s long leather boots and sturdy wool clothes.


    Garth had been tempted to buy a robe, because it¡¯s what wizards wear, but again, he was more of a pragmatist than a traditionalist. The bandolier over his shoulder and a few inner pockets in his vest were more than enough. It was nice wearing clothes again. Garth had been relying on Temperature Resistance for so long that he forgot what being warm felt like.


    ¡°That¡¯s what all the adventurers are here for, to bring Mythic Cores back to the Inner spheres! To strike it big!¡±


    Garth¡¯s mind reeled. He had heard of it before, in bits and pieces. ¡®you¡¯re not exactly going to have time to prepare yourself before the Dungeon Rush,¡¯ Sandi had said. One of the classes had made reference to surviving a dungeon solo.


    Dungeon Rush.


    Dungeon Cores falling from the sky.


    Incredibly Valuable.


    ¡°Crap.¡± Garth said, snatching the bag out of her hands. ¡°Thanks for the meat.¡± Wilson poked his head out of the paper bag, crawling up to his shoulder.


    It¡¯s a goddamn gold rush! Garth thought as his heightened memory played back everything he knew about resource acquisition.


    Every gold rush, every oil discovery, every massive mineral deposit that everyone wanted, had one thing in common.


    From the Mayans with their gold and the conquistadores that took it, to the native americans¡¯ reservations on oil bearing land, to the Alaskans with all of the above.


    Every time, the natives got the shaft.


    Garth was a native. Ergo, he too would receive shaft.


    There were very few exceptions, and that only happened when one of the natives learned the law of the other lands and worked within their system to demand a share.


    Humans were weak, spread out, disconnected, and ununified. There were most likely less than a billion left on the planet, and they would probably trade one of these priceless cores for a blanket and a safe place to spend the night.


    Garth felt his teeth clench together as he headed for the adventurer¡¯s guild. he needed to get more information from Sandi, but his mind was already putting together a plan for tomorrow.


    People were easy to rob when they didn¡¯t know the value of what they held.


    Garth figured his newfound wealth might only be enough to send a message to one out of every thousand people or so, at best. But if they spread the word, Earth might stand a chance at retaining its independence a few hundred years from now.


    He wasn¡¯t exactly the type to show rabid allegiance to his country. Garth had never been a patriot or considered joining the military, but this was on a different scale. He held the ability to change the direction of the entire planet¡¯s fate. That kind of responsibility couldn¡¯t be ignored.


    ¡°Damnit,¡± Garth muttered as he walked, breaking off a piece of jerky for Wilson. He didn¡¯t know where the lizard stored those things: Most likely Garth was wide-eyed and drooling while dropping bits of jerky on his shoulder.


    The question now was, how long did he have before the Dungeon Rush to get the word out? According to Sandi, it was less than a month, at least. The tone of her voice suggested it might be a lot less than that.


    Important shit to know! Garth thought as the adventurer¡¯s guild came into view. After he talked to Sandi about the Dungeon Rush, he could see if anyone had come through on Garth¡¯s posted quest.


    He¡¯d specifically put up bounties for the retrieval of:


    Since it was spring, Garth wasn¡¯t exactly holding any high hopes for anything soon except maybe some Dodder. Most likely if someone had found some, they would look dead, but Garth was sure he could revive them. He¡¯d turned a knot on a log of darkwood into sixty tons of the stuff, after all.


    Bearing that in mind, Garth had suggested trying to check the houses of amateur plant-growers in the local towns, along with a convenient picture for each. Garth wasn¡¯t sure if they were drawn from memory or the new Plant Analysis that seemed to give him encyclopedic knowledge on plants he¡¯d seen or handled. It didn¡¯t matter.


    Garth didn¡¯t think he¡¯d get any takers on the first day, but it never hurt to check. The only thing on his list he was fairly sure he wouldn¡¯t ever get was the squirting cucumber. Those lived on the other side of the ocean.


    Once he had those plants, he could breed them to be some real nasty Kipling eating strains.


    Garth was picturing an enormous Venus fly trap that snapped shut around Kipling, dissolving them in a matter of hours, only to open again and let their Heartstone roll down the center stalk for Garth to come by and retrieve at his leisure.


    And dodder. Once he bred it to eat Kipling instead of other plants, he could throw one seed with a double Fertilize, and it would leap out of the ground, ensnaring the closest Kipling in a horde before sucking it dry, releasing hundreds more seeds that would fly toward the rest and drain all their fluids, leaving them dead, rather than entangled.


    It would be like a plant-based Chain Lightning spell. What the hell would Garth call it? Chain Dodder?


    Whatever. He had other things on his plate at the moment.


    Garth¡¯s gaze caught the Adventurer¡¯s guild sign, and he took a left turn, pushing open the swinging wooden door with one hand.


    ¡°Hey Sandi, I was-¡° Garth¡¯s word¡¯s died in his throat.


    In front of the Receptionist¡¯s desk were a group of five rough-looking human men leering at the succubus. What bothered Garth wasn¡¯t the overtly sexual way they were studying her faux body; Garth and everyone else in the Guild had absolutely no doubt that Sandi could defend herself. What seized his guts with icy fingers was something else entirely.


    It was the one-eyed, grey haired man with the Olympian body leading them, wearing a steel breastplate over a black leather jacket stretched tight with muscle, a suspension spring-steel recurve bow strung over his shoulder, and a sword that looked like it weighed as much as Garth¡¯s leg on his hip. Why does Harold look so much cooler than me??


    Harold Turner glanced over his shoulder as the door swung shut.


    The two made eye contact.


    ¡°Crap.¡±


    Garth reached for his bandolier.

 Chapter 21: Round Two

    Harold broke into a grin, pulling out his blade.


    ¡°Well, well, if it isn¡¯t the little-¡°


    Harold¡¯s presumably menacing trash talk was interrupted by the Combat Pea Mk. 30.


    The old bastard¡¯s eye followed the trajectory of the pea, his body tensing as he put his sword between himself and the little orange bead, not sure what to expect. When the vine erupted from the ground, it wrapped wrist thick cords around the man¡¯s sword, and halfway up his wrist.


    ¡°Wait!¡± Sandi shouted.


    Garth took another three peas out of his pocket and threw them in the general direction of the man¡¯s cronies. A breath later, they were restrained, cursing and struggling impotently.


    ¡°Sit this one out, Wilson,¡± Garth said, holding out his hand to a table so the lizard could get down. Wilson climbed down onto the table and turned back to give an imperial thumbs down ¨C end him.


    No time like the present. Garth thought, charging forward. He picked up an oversized alien chair on the way by, swinging it up and aiming it at the old man¡¯s regulation hairstyle with every fiber of muscle he could spare.


    Harold¡¯s eye widened, and he let go of his trapped sword, yanking his hand free from the clinging vines in time to block the blow with his forearm.


    Garth¡¯s speed and power were like they had been in the prime of his life, shattering the chair against the old marine¡¯s body. Hopefully he¡¯d knocked through the guy¡¯s arm and rattled his brain enough to put him out of the fight. He¡¯d settle for major damage to Harold¡¯s arm.


    Garth¡¯s hopes were dashed when a meaty arm plowed through the splinters of chair and caught him on the jaw, propelling him across the guildhall and slamming him against the floor. The impact took the fight out of him. Okay, maybe not. Better part of valor and all. Let¡¯s get out of here, Wilson.


    ¡°Ugh,¡± Garth¡¯s jaw was numb and his sight was covered with white, barely able to make out the Guildhall around him. Despite shaking fingers, he was able to reach into his bandolier and pull out an acorn. I wanted a pea so I can get away! Garth lamented with his addled thoughts. What the hell was he supposed to do with an oak?


    Harold had retrieved his sword in the meantime, and rather than help cut his lackeys free, he charged Garth, wrist thick sword high.


    ¡°Stop it!¡± Garth barely could hear the sound of Sandi¡¯s voice as he lamely threw the acorn at Harold¡¯s feet with his shaking fingers.


    Wise to Garth¡¯s tricks, Harold brought his sword down and batted aside the acorn, sending it off course. Harold brought the sword back up, ready to bring it down.


    Garth threw his Status Band in front of him, praying it would make a difference, when the violently expanding oak tree caught Harold in the neck, flinging him through the hall, crashing through two tables and sending his sword sailing out the window.


    Garth pushed himself to his feet with a groan, trying to blink the white out of his eyes and navigate to the exit. Harold was stronger than the last time they¡¯d met. Stronger by a lot. He had to get out of here.


    Garth reached into his bandolier for another pea as he limped away. One hit ¨C through a chair ¨C and he felt like he tried to kiss the express train. He could use the pea to slow down pursuit and find a place to lay low until his ears stopped ringing. A double fertilize would seal off the entrance of the guild long enough for his to get away.


    Garth heard creaking wood and breaking glass behind him and glanced over his shoulder.


    There was Harold, unscathed, hurtling forward like a Garth-seeking rocket.


    The muscles in Garth¡¯s waist cried out in pain as he tried to execute a ninety degree turn, get out of the marine¡¯s way and toss a pea at him at the same time.


    Garth was just too slow. The pea was slapped out of his hand, detonating on some hapless bystanders as Harold lunged forward, catching Garth by his neck and slamming him up against the wall, adding another concussion to his growing list of head trauma.


    ¡°Hi there, purple fella. Looks like you picked up some new tricks while I hadn¡¯t seen ya.¡± He said, his fingers tightening around Garth¡¯s neck, making it impossible to breath.


    Garth punched Harold in the jaw and nearly broke his wrist. The old man¡¯s sadistic smile grew even wider. As Garth wheezed, trying to breath in, he noticed that Harold didn¡¯t have a single scratch apart from a tiny scrape on his cheek where the oak had launched him across the room.


    The oak!


    Garth¡¯s vision was dimming as he raised his hand, channeling the mana in the Guildhall into the oak. The squiggly lines of mana marched into the tree, arranging themselves according to the spell, and the oak began to shift.


    Garth was feeling his eyes begin to press against his eyelids as he raised his hand, bringing it down to Harold¡¯s head in a chopping motion. His weak hand bounced off the man¡¯s skin to no effect.


    Harold scoffed. ¡°You can¡¯t even-¡° The oak¡¯s branch swept down and caught the ex-marine in the temple, tracing Garth¡¯s gesture. The heavy wood bent his head to the side, delivering a blow like it was going for a home run.


    Control Plants proficiency has reached 30%!


    Harold was knocked five feet away, but rather than go limp, he brought Garth with him. Garth was dragged through the Guildhall, crashing to the ground before Harold mounted him, refusing to let go of Garth¡¯s neck, tenacious as a pitbull.


    The interruption gave Garth a chance to catch a little breath before the pressure on his neck mounted again, slowly increasing over time; Harold¡¯s way of saying ¡®I¡¯ve been going easy on you.¡¯


    ¡°You¡¯re a tricky little shit!¡± Harold shouted into his face. ¡°You got anything else?¡±


    As a matter of fact, he didn¡¯t have anything else. Garth¡¯s view of the old man¡¯s snarling face and the unpainted ceiling of the guildhall here narrowing, turning dark.


    Oh well, I¡¯m gonna go fuck Beladia for a couple hundred year while you¡¯re busy wiping your ass with old magazines, dickweed.


    Garth tried to express this sentiment via a single middle finger, raised between them.


    The pressure on his neck redoubled.


    Garth¡¯s vision went black.


    ¡°Gah! what the hell?¡±


    The pressure on Garth¡¯s neck dropped away, and he sucked in a lungful of sweet air. The light of the Guild¡¯s lamps worked their way back into his eyes as the room came back into focus.


    Harold stood above him, clawing futilely at Wilson. The psychic construct was attached to the old man¡¯s face and savaging his remaining eye. Garth was stunned by the implications.


    Holy crap, Wilson can touch things. Holy crap, that mean I can move things with my mind! Garth would¡¯ve cheered at the fulfillment of one of a nerd¡¯s most basic desires if not for the broken jaw and swimming head. Instead, he thought now was as good a time as any to live to fight another day.


    He leaned over and put his relatively unwounded hand beneath him and tried to push himself to his feet, which set him perfectly for a field goal kick from the ex-marine.


    Garth felt something pop in his chest before he was flung across the room, impacting against a table, his recently regained breath knocked out of him again. Garth lay where he landed, too hurt to even groan. His own stillness and the silence of the room gave him plenty of time to think.


    I got THRASHED. This highlights a glaring problem with my plan going forward, assuming I survive. I really need a bodyguard, someone who can go toe to toe with a guy like Harold while I do the wizard thing.


    Garth stared at Harold, who sauntered over to one of his friends and casually retrieved the bound man¡¯s sword. His face was covered in tiny scratches, but Wilson was nowhere to be seen. Garth sincerely hoped Wilson was all right.


    ¡°It was nice knowing ya, kid. You certainly put up a more interesting fight than I¡¯ve ever been in, but I guess that¡¯s just gonna be par for the course from here on out.¡±


    Harold swung the sword up. Garth was too beaten to even raise his arms.


    ¡°I¡­Said¡­STOP!¡±


    Whatever happened was too fast for Garth to process. Harold disappeared in an explosion, and Garth heard the splintering of wood.


    Above him, Sandi peered down into his eyes, worry etched on her face.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± She asked, wiping a bit of blood from her fingertips onto her shirt.


    ¡°Ugh.¡± Garth groaned between breaths as he tried to sit up, experiencing the worst migraine of his life. ¡°I think I¡¯m gonna live.¡±


    ¡°Oh, thank Sorenya,¡± she breathed, leaning forward and wrapping Garth in a hug that, while somewhat restrictive, was good for his bloodflow.


    ¡°You bitch,¡± Garth heard Harold¡¯s voice through Sandi¡¯s homemade earmuffs. He leaned to the side, looking around the omnipresent breasts.


    Harold was climbing out of a hole in the wall, a deep gash down the side of his inhumanly tough face and a large, teardrop shaped puncture wound in his breastplate. Red blood oozed out of the man¡¯s armor.


    ¡°After I¡¯m done killing him, I¡¯m gonna cut off all your legs and fuck your tight little pussy until-¡°


    ¡°ENOUGH!¡± Came a roar from deeper in the guild, capturing the attention off everyone, spectator and participant alike. An Orc with grey hair and a massive build stepped out into the main hall, with Dr. Kine beside him.


    ¡°Guildmaster?¡± Sandi said as she spotted the aged orc.


    ¡°You!¡± he shouted, pointing at the ex-marine. ¡°Stand down and let Dr. Kine close your wound, or leave now and bleed to death in the street! I don¡¯t care which you do as long as you do it NOW! If you take one step closer to my receptionist, I¡¯ll tear your fucking head off!¡±


    Harold stood up straight, ignoring the hole in his stomach as he relaxed his shoulders and took in the situation. He scanned the chaos, broken tables, holes in the walls, and a massive oak that¡¯d turn up the floorboards in the center of the room.


    He glanced over at his cronies, who¡¯s just begun to fight their way free of their entanglement, then back to Dr. Kine. The severe look on the doctor¡¯s face was easy to read.


    ¡°Yeah, okay.¡± Harold strolled over to the blue-skinned doctor, sending Garth a smile.


    ¡°Catch you later.¡± He said before he disappeared down the hall to the infirmary.


    ¡°And you!¡± The Guildmaster shouted, pointing at Garth. ¡°You get your purple ass out of here! I¡¯ve got no tolerance for a man that tries to kill a fellow guildmember and destroys the guild in the process!¡±


    Garth glanced around at the destruction he¡¯d wreaked on the guildhall. He supposed he should feel somewhat affronted that he was being treated more severely than Harold, but he was still euphoric to be breathing. Nearly being smothered by Sandi¡¯s breasts was the icing on the not-dying cake.


    ¡°Alright.¡± He climbed to his feet, standing foot and a half shorter than the snarling Guildmaster. He was a big guy.


    ¡°Wait. He was trying to kill Garth!¡± Sandi protested. The old orc seemed immune to her pleas as he completely ignored her, watching Garth leave with his eyes narrowed.


    ¡°For the damage.¡± Garth said, pulling out what little money he had on him, Dropping it on the floor and limping out. His jaw hurt. His ribs hurt. His neck hurt. His spine hurt. Everything hurt.


    ¡°You and I are going to have a talk.¡± Garth heard the Guildmaster say to Sandi as he left the hall, letting the door swing closed behind him.


    His day had been going pretty good, but life always had a way of bringing you back down to Earth.

 Chapter 22: The birds and the Succubees

    Garth leaned against the bannister of Brian¡¯s porch, idly wobbling a mug of water back and forth atop the solid wood as he pondered his situation.


    He hadn¡¯t had any money, but Brian had happily agreed to let Garth crash on his floor, even with the warning that six or so angry humans might show up and cause trouble. Brian was cool. Gath estimated it would take three times that number to worry the giant.


    According to the minotaur, the punishment for murder inside city limits was death by decapitation, and Harold would most likely be informed of that, curbing potential retribution somewhat. With magic allowing people to talk to the dead or trace the owner of a weapon, it was generally pretty hard to get away with. At least in town it was, as long as there was a body or a murder weapon. Small comfort.


    Wilson had found his way back to Garth in the night. The little green lizard had been sleeping on his chest when he woke up in the morning.


    Garth took another sip of water while he and Wilson watched the light of dawn creeping down the massive walls of the outpost.


    He needed a tank. Someone that could manhandle people like Harold. Maybe several of them. The only problem was, he had no money until the farmers started depositing his share of the profits, which could take days, or even weeks, and still might not be enough to make the down payment on a merc. Garth wasn¡¯t even sure if mercs took down payments.


    It would be better if it was somebody he could trust, rather than somebody doing it for the money, but those were in short supply. The fact that he was basically in the wild west didn¡¯t help a damn bit. He could pick a high-priced mercenary with a long and trustworthy career, only to have that person stab him in the back for a chance at a Mythic Core.


    Why spend the rest of your life as a mercenary when you could spend it as a king?


    Garth heaved a sigh, wincing at the pain in his ribs. There was one problem money could help him with right now. If he could find a healer, or scrounge up the money to buy the spell himself, he could make the bruises all over his body go away that much sooner.


    Half of Garth¡¯s face, radiating outward from his jaw, was a mass of green bruises. Yep, Garth bruised green now. He wasn¡¯t quite sure why since his blood was still red, but he decided not to sweat the small stuff.


    ¡°I wish you could be my tank.¡± Garth said, glancing at Wilson.


    The lizard eyed him sideways, in a ¡®what¡¯s in it for me?¡¯ sort of way.


    ¡°Deer jerky.¡± Wilson immediately perked up, and Garth reached into his vest and produced a piece, tearing off chunks and feeding the lizard, who gobbled up the treats with its eyes rolled back in its head like a shark. Or a person that really liked jerky.


    ¡°For your hustle last night. You saved my bacon. You are encouraged to intervene again if another situation like that happens.¡±


    Wilson nodded, scurrying back up onto Garth¡¯s shoulder. The lizard began scanning the surroundings, presumably looking out for more trouble so he could extort another piece of jerky out of Garth. Well, if that was all it took to get Wilson to work for a living, he¡¯d have to add a jerky pouch to his bandolier.


    ¡°Whatcha doin?¡± Brian asked, stepping out of his cabin with a yawn. Garth thought he¡¯d never be able to sleep because of the minotaur¡¯s snores, but he¡¯d managed eventually.


    ¡°Watching the sunrise, thinking about where to get a bodyguard. You interested in giving up the farming life for excitement and adventure?¡±


    ¡°Pass.¡± Brian waved his hand dismissively. ¡°I¡¯m a homebody, and I like what I do.¡±


    ¡°Why come through the gate then?¡±


    ¡°More space to own my own place in the outer sphere, maybe start a family if the right lady comes along. I probably don¡¯t have to mention how few women can handle this.¡± He motioned at his cock making a lump through his pants. That image was going to haunt Garth for awhile.


    ¡°You might have to mention it. I don¡¯t know jack about the Inner Spheres. Are lady minotaurs rare?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Damn near mythical.¡± Brian said. ¡°They always get snapped up by the bulls in the central spheres, too.¡±


    ¡°Damn, guess that family¡¯s not looking too likely.¡±


    ¡°Not really, Minotaurs are a Quispario race.¡± Garth¡¯s translator must have not picked up that one word, because it was gibberish to him.


    ¡°A what race?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s what the inner spheres call a race that can produce pureblooded offspring with any creature of the opposite gender. They¡¯re usually the races that don¡¯t have very many females or males to start with, or none.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Was that what got you in hot water with Sandi? Wanting kids?¡±


    ¡°Nah, it was a stupid argument, maybe six years back. I got jealous of her getting so much attention from other men, and accused her of doing it on purpose. Told her she could shut it off if she tried.¡±


    ¡°That probably didn¡¯t go over well.¡±


    ¡°Nope. I know now that she can¡¯t, in fact, turn it off. She called me a bastard and took off. Took me three years to be friends with her again, but I know for a fact she¡¯s not interested anymore.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah?¡±


    ¡°When a succubus has a crush on you, you can feel it. It makes your brain shut off, until impressing her and getting her alone is the only thing you can think about. Did wonders for my work ethic. She still looks like the most amazing ¡®tauress I¡¯ve ever seen ¨C¡° Brian held his hands apart ¨C ¡°With an ass like this, but I¡¯ve never felt that overpowering haze of lust making me stupid since then.¡±


    Garth nodded. He knew what Brian was talking about. He felt like his eyes were drawn toward Sandi at all times, like she was some kind of jiggly, eye-catching magnetic force. Just the other day he¡¯d been thinking about how he¡¯d wanted to get into a fight while she was around¡­


    Holy hell, I did get into a fight while she was around! Garth realized. He had to wonder how much of that was because of his history with Harold, and how much of that was because of Sandi¡¯s mojo. Thinking back on it objectively, if Garth hadn¡¯t thrown the Combat Pea, there would have been no way Harold would have tried to kill him in cold blood in front of all the other guildmembers. Probably. Who knew with that psycho?


    Still, it was most likely Garth¡¯s overreaction that lead to his own ass-kicking. Garth leaned on the bannister and rested his weight on the uninjured side of his face, contemplating his relationship with Sandi.


    It wasn¡¯t much of a relationship, not really. One date does not spell a life together, and wizards needed to be able to think. Then again, wizards also needed to get laid often enough to keep their stress levels down and keep them functioning at peak capacity. And what was the succubus take on love and courtship rituals?.


    Garth was tempted to ask Brian more, but he felt like he should get that information from Sandi directly. He needed to hash out exactly what she was expecting from their time together, and Garth was pretty sure it wasn¡¯t a house and kids. Unless succubi were these Quispario types too.


    Forewarned is forearmed, Garth supposed. If he could master the desire that was rolling off of Sandi like a fog, then they could go on more dates. Otherwise, he¡¯d have to let her down easy. Garth never thought he¡¯d have to consider dumping someone because their only failing was being too attractive. Ce¡¯st la vie.


    Garth had suspected for a while, but Brian¡¯s comment about how hot of a ¡®tauress Sandi was confirmed it for him. Sandi looked like different things to different people.


    That gave Garth an idea for a way to tease her, but he¡¯d have to set it aside for now. He had a busy day coming up. Garth needed to make some quick cash and get himself patched up before buying supplies, guards, and a map to another outpost. He was fairly confident Harold wasn¡¯t the kind of person to let anything go, and as long as he was stronger than Garth, he wouldn¡¯t hesitate to kill him.


    In the long term, Garth had used his three days in town much more efficiently than Harold, becoming a land baron in a matter of hours while Harold had been ¡®adventuring¡¯ for ¡®quick cash¡¯. In a few years, he would probably be able to tell Harold and people like him where to set the dining room table before slipping them a crisp hundred and patronizingly telling them what a great job they did.


    In a few years, but not now. Right now, there was half a chance of Harold and his goons catching Garth in a back alley, killing him and dumping his corpse far outside of town, too unimportant to be much missed. The farmers wouldn¡¯t weep over the extra 5% they saved either. Not to mention not having to worry about Garth diluting the shares by giving more people free farms.


    That got Garth thinking. If he could find a way to visit multiple Outposts in rapid succession, he could repeat his business model here at each of them, making Garth wealthy beyond words, which is what he would need to be if he wanted to compete with the Inner Spheres.


    Gah, they¡¯ve probably got more planets under their thumb than stars in the sky. If you get a large fraction of one planet¡¯s podunk farms, who¡¯s going to care? Middle management, maybe. Somebody assigned to keeping the resources from Earth and other planets in the same galaxy flowing.


    As the scale and complexity of the problem kept growing in Garth¡¯s mind, he shook his head, dismissing it. He needed to focus on what he could do, right here and now. Start small, grow bigger.


    ¡°Well Brian,¡± Garth said, tipping the mug back and finishing the rest of the water. ¡°Send me a letter via the Ethernet if you ever get yourself a plot of land and want a quick start to your farm. I¡¯ll send you some charged seeds in the mail.¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± Brian said, holding his own mug under the hand-pumped well, sloshing fresh water into the oversized cup. He tilted his head back, downing the cold water. The way the sun backlit the ripped monster-man perfectly was almost like a commercial, giving Garth a sense of how unreal his situation was.


    ¡°And If I find girls into minotaur cock, I¡¯ll send them your way.¡±


    Brian sprayed water over the side of his house, coughing as he punched Garth¡¯s injured shoulder.


    ¡°Ow, damnit!¡±


    ¡°You really think there¡¯s gonna be a human girl that¡¯d be into Minotaurs? If you¡¯re anything to go on, they¡¯re gonna be pretty small.¡±


    Garth glanced at the rippling muscles of the shirtless man-bull.


    ¡°Yeah, but I know some of them would be into the attempt. Humans as a species are pretty fucked up.¡±


    Brian punched his shoulder again.

 Chapter 23: insults and Injuries

    ¡°How much is your teleport spell?¡± Garth said, leaning on the old shinta woman¡¯s counter. Over the last two days of preparing to leave and watching over his shoulder for Harold, he¡¯d gotten to know Kinetha and her business quite well.


    ¡°Thirty five thousands credits, and a background check.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s the range?¡±


    ¡°About five hundred miles average if the destination is known. Otherwise line of sight.¡±


    Well, shit. Garth probably couldn¡¯t eke out another 35k in another couple days, the well that was Earth Outpost 3517 had finally run dry. Not to mention a human would basically fail a background check without some kind of record of their existence on file. All Garth had was his soldier ID and getting suspended from the Adventurer¡¯s guild for starting a fight and causing property damage. Frigging bureaucracy.


    ¡°How about something that can speed up overland travel?¡±


    ¡°Forestwalk costs four thousand credits, doesn¡¯t need a background check, and best of all for you, it¡¯s plant-based.¡±


    ¡°Gimme the rundown.¡±


    ¡°It creates a cloud of mana around your feet that compels plants to push you forward, raising your walk speed by a set amount.¡±


    Garth thumbed his chin. ¡°Can I use it on other people or animals?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yes. You can even use the spell as a debuff, making the plants in the environment actively move the target away from you.¡±


    That sounded awesome.


    ¡°What kind of set amount of speed are we talking here?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°It varies based on talent, but someone like you, once you¡¯ve mastered it, would most likely be able to add an extra fifty miles an hour to your walking speed.¡±


    Garth exclaimed, ¡°Jesus.¡± He could hurt himself good at that speed, which made him want the spell even more. Once his endurance was higher, (if that ever happened) a lousy sixty mile an hour collision wouldn¡¯t bother him.


    ¡°How about someone just learning it?¡±


    ¡°Maybe three miles an hour, if you¡¯re lucky.¡±


    It was about the speed of a leisurely mosey, but if it was tacked onto a ten hour hike across country, it could turn a thirty mile day into a sixty mile day. Or if he added it to a jog, he might be able to pull a hundred miles in a day or more, like the Native Americans were rumored to be able to do back in the day.


    ¡°Ring it up, along with Create Fire, OGarth¡¯s Force armor, the endless lantern, the mana stone, and a comprehensive book about succubi if you got one.¡± Garth said, taking out the last of the money he¡¯d made supplying every artisan in town with basic goods, along with the first handful of payments from his quick-start farms around the city.


    Kinetha raised an eyebrow, but she didn¡¯t say anything about his last order. ¡°Sure.¡± The business woman went into the back of the store to retrieve the spellbooks with an efficient manner. The blue aliens were all pretty skinny and quick, but this one made the others look like they were just being lazy.


    Garth had been waiting for a just a moment when the door to the shop opened, and Harold, sporting all his gear plus a jeweled earring that he hadn¡¯t had two days ago. Wilson, who had been idly chewing his own foot, stood up and glared at him, his scales standing on end. Could lizards even do that?


    ¡°Fancy meeting you here, shrub-man,¡± Harold said, coming to dominate the center of the room as his cronies flooded in behind him. The men didn¡¯t look like homebodies he¡¯d pulled from the neighborhood like Doug and Roger, but people who thrived on the anarchy brought on by the apocalypse, covered in scars and bearing swords as well as side arms.


    They fingered their weapons, recognizing Garth instantly.


    ¡°Hey Harry, where¡¯d you get your goons this time, a day care? They know what happened to the last guys who ran with you, right?¡±


    ¡°Got killed by kipling cause they were fat and weak¡­like you.¡± Harold said, taking a step closer. To be clear, Garth wasn¡¯t fat, he just didn¡¯t work out four hours a day like Harold.


    Garth reached into his bandolier, and the one-eyed old man stopped, holding up his hands with a grin.


    ¡°Let¡¯s not start that again.¡± Harold said, the scar Sandi had given him broadening his smile.


    ¡°Yes, let¡¯s not.¡± Kinetha said, dropping the spellbooks and items on the countertop with a thud. ¡°Because the person who starts a fight in my shop will spent a week as a hen, being raped by my pet rooster and laying eggs which I will then eat in front of them.¡±


    ¡°You have a spell that can do that?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s it cost?¡± Garth and Harold demanded simultaneously before they glared at each other. What a prick, the sick bastard was probably going to use it to turn people into little girls. Garth was thinking of using it for the totally legitimate purpose of making Sandi a human woman incapable of literally biting his head off. Totally different.


    ¡°Twenty thousand and a background check.¡±


    That sucks, all the fun spells always require background checks. Make a mental note to find the right people and bribe them to facilitate a better spell selection when filthy stinking rich.


    ¡°Why do all the fun spells require background checks?¡± Harold demanded, and Garth found himself hating whatever part of himself was similar to the old man, just a little.


    ¡°Whatever, that¡¯s not what I¡¯m here for.¡± Harold said, waving his hand and leaning on the counter. ¡°We¡¯re¡­hunting a monster out there that uses plants as a medium, so I need something that can kill them quick, along with some darts that can cause crippling pain, something to speed up pursuit, and a way to keep the slippery bastard from running away again. It¡¯s slipped through my fingers a couple times now.¡±


    Harold sent Garth a wicked grin, glancing at him with his good eye as he spoke. His cronies chuckled evilly, obviously expecting him to flee in terror.


    Crossing his arms and leaning against the wall, Garth asked, ¡°Anything else you wanna tell me about your plan, ya dumb old bitch?¡±


    Harold scowled and Garth saw his knuckles whiten on top of the counter. Unfortunately, he didn¡¯t rush Garth and get turned into a hen. Garth really wanted to see that happen.


    ¡°That¡¯s too bad,¡± Garth sighed, shaking his head. ¡°And you looked like such a fan of cock.¡±


    Harold spoke slowly, ¡°When I get you alone I¡¯m gonna cut your balls off and shove ¡®em in your mouth.¡± Silence hung in the air between the two of them for a handful of tense heartbeats before Kinetha interrupted.


    ¡°Whatever is between you two, I don¡¯t want it in here.¡± Kinetha pointed at Garth. ¡°You. Take your purchases and go.¡±


    ¡°Ma¡¯am,¡± Garth said, nodding to her as he swept the items into the Status Band¡¯s storage and left.


    Once he was a block away, Garth stepped into an alleyway and leaned against the wooden wall of the building, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Garth¡¯s vision spun, and he felt like he was about to throw up.


    ¡°Oh, my god, I thought I was gonna die.¡± Garth moaned between panting breaths. Harold was a predator, and the last thing you wanna show a predator was weakness. Garth knew it in his head, but putting it into practice? That felt downright unnatural. They both knew the only thing standing between the two of them were repercussions from the city guard and possible transmogrification.


    Without that, Harold would kill the shit out of him at the drop of a hat, let alone Garth¡¯s provocations. But Garth had kept poking the bear. Why? Because the last thing he would ever do is give the asshole the impression that he intimidated Garth, even a little. That would just make things worse.


    If there was worse than getting your balls stuffed into your mouth.


    Garth sank down, squatting against the wall with his head in his shaking hands while Wilson patted his shoulder comfortingly. Now the question was, how did he get out of the outpost without getting tracked down and killed?


    Raw speed might be the simplest answer. If he could use Forestwalk to outrun Harold, he could get to the safety of an outpost and expand his business, adding to his power and influence. But if the bastard bought something that sped him and his pals up too, that might not work.


    That brought another question to Garth¡¯s mind. How did the old man afford anything from Kinetha¡¯s shop? It¡¯s not like he had any unique or marketable skills other than being really good at killing peop-


    ¡°Oh!¡± Garth shouted, slapping his forehead. ¡°He¡¯s killing people and taking their shit. The oldest bastard trick in the book.¡±


    Garth¡¯s attention was caught by motion further into the alley, where he spotted Sandi coming out from behind a stack of crates.


    ¡°Sandi?¡± Garth asked incredulously. ¡°What¡¯cha doing here?¡±


    ¡°Oh, Garth¡­Um¡­I was just cleaning up, trying to keep the city looking nice, you know?¡±


    Garth stood up and walked to the back of the alley where Sandi was fidgeting. He saw blankets with a healthy layer of dust on them bundled up in the corner.


    ¡°Are you sleeping here?¡± he asked. ¡°Is the guild not paying you enough?¡±


    ¡°Technically they¡¯re not paying me at all because I quit?¡± she said, squirming uncomfortably in a way that Garth found very distracting.


    No, that¡¯s not it, Garth realized. It¡¯s my fault. The fight at the Guildhall had gotten Sandi into enough trouble to get fired and she didn¡¯t want him to feel bad, so she hadn¡¯t told him over the last couple days he¡¯d been preparing to leave, carrying on as if everything was fine.


    There¡¯s another gut-punch. She¡¯d been fired.


    ¡°But you don¡¯t have enough to stay anywhere?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Well, some people must have talked to the guy I was renting from, so I¡¯m kinda in between places to live at the moment.¡± She gave him a wistful smile. ¡°It¡¯s fine though, succubi are tough!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll go talk to the guildmaster,¡± Garth said, standing up. Sure, the guy would probably snap his neck, but Garth had to clean up his mess.


    ¡°No!¡± Sandi said, grabbing his arm with a soft, delicate, utterly unyielding hand.


    ¡°I gotta fix this,¡± Garth tried to pull away from her grip, accomplishing approximately nothing.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine!¡± She insisted.


    ¡°No, I fucked up, cost you your job, and now you¡¯re stuck,¡± Garth grimaced, wildly gesturing at the crate-curtain set up at the back of the alley. ¡°here! While that murdering bastard lives it up all over fucking town!¡±


    He tried to pry himself away, but Sandi¡¯s grip was as strong as Harold¡¯s, completely unbreakable.


    ¡°I did need the job to get here, but now¡­now I can do what I like.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°This isn¡¯t exactly how I wanted it to happen, but everyone comes to the Outer Sphere to make a new life for themselves.¡±


    Garth looked her up and down, and sensed an opportunity. Sandi was currently between jobs, stronger than Harold, and more trustworthy than a merc. She had lost her job for him after all. She had to have had some attachment to it if she hadn¡¯t ditched it immediately after getting to Earth.


    ¡°Sandi, do you have a Class?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s recently come to my attention that I need a bodyguard while I travel across Earth, a very specific Succubus bodyguard that wants to tour Earth.¡±


    Sandi blinked a few times, and a slow grin spread across her face. ¡°That sounds fun.¡±

 Chapter 24: Plant Drill Sergeant

    ¡°Oh, before we go!¡± Sandi said, running back into the alley and producing a little potted plant with long green leaves studded with red filaments that had accumulated a little drop of liquid at the end. It was a sundew, obviously grown by a human caretaker. In her other hand she carried a handful of stringy black, dead dodder with seed pods hanging off. It looked like it had simply been ripped loose from a tree or something


    ¡°This is awesome, thank you!¡± Garth exclaimed as he inspected them. ¡°Where¡¯d you get these?¡± He had never expected to get so excited about plants, but life takes you to some strange places.


    ¡°Someone brought them in while I was going out the door, so I paid for them. The guild had taken your request down and weren¡¯t going to pay them.¡±


    Garth had assumed they¡¯d dropped his request when they¡¯d kicked him out of the guild in favor of the guy who was a literal bandit, but it still stung. Yeah, I¡¯m sure you guys won¡¯t have any problems with him. Garth was still a little sore about that.


    Garth poked the sundew with a finger, allowing Beladia¡¯s mana to flow through him. A long, reedlike stalk grew far up out of the plant, growing buds halfway up before blooming in sequence in a wave of pinkish purple. When he pulled his finger away, he felt a slight tug from the plant¡¯s sticky mucus.


    ¡°Pretty!¡± Sandi¡¯s eyes widened in wonder as the flowers bloomed and died in high speed, becoming seed pods.


    ¡°Oh, you haven¡¯t seen this trick yet, have you?¡± Garth snapped off the stalk and tossed the potted plant aside, letting the clay pot shatter in the alley.


    ¡°Hey!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, I got what I need.¡± Garth said, squeezing a seed pod between thumb and forefinger, releasing a handful of dust-grain sized seed onto his palm. The seed size itself was a problem, so for now, he decided to fold the stalk and store the whole thing in his bandolier rather than let them float around and settle into the cracks between the leather.


    Garth did the same with the dodder pods. The dodder seed was a little bigger, but still a bit unmanageable. That taken care of, Garth returned his attention to Sandi, whose eyes were fixed on the sundew he¡¯d trashed. She was frowning, looking a little sad.


    ¡°Did you like it?¡±


    ¡°It was pretty, and I spent a lot of money on it.¡± She said finally, looking back at Garth. ¡°I thought I¡¯d be keeping it to remember you by, actually.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be too sad. I could tell just by touching it that the plant was dying. It would have died in a couple days and broke your heart. Once the power went out in its climate-controlled home, it started going downhill. Carnivorous plants are very finicky.¡±


    ¡°Carnivorous?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yeah, it lures insects in with sweet nectar on the dewdrops, then wraps around them and eats them¡­¡±


    Sandi¡¯s brows furrowed, her mouth half open in shock.


    ¡°Why are you so¡­Oh, they¡¯re basically the succubi of the plant world, aren¡¯t they?¡±


    ¡°Poor thing,¡± she said, kneeling down and looking at the shattered pot on the ground. The sticky leaves of the plant were busted and covered in grit from the alley floor. The entire plant was kind of like a living metaphor for Sandi herself, and he¡¯d trashed it.


    ¡°Tell you what.¡± Garth said, considering his next move. He needed an afternoon to study the first couple chapters of his new spellbooks, set up their escape, and make Brian enough banta grass to tide him over for a few months.


    ¡°I¡¯ll make you a better one. One that¡¯ll be tough and hardy so you can take care of it. All I need you to do is get me a small pot for it, and while you¡¯re at it, get a really big pot, ¡®cuz I¡¯ve got an idea.¡±


    ¡°Okay!¡± Sandi said cheerfully, turning to run toward the carpenter¡¯s


    ¡°Hold up! Is there anything you need to get from your place?¡± Garth asked, giving her some money for the pots.


    She glanced back down the alley. ¡°Nope.¡±


    This is everything? There was no furniture to speak of, and even her bed wasn¡¯t much more than some covers. She seemed more like an animal that made a den than a civilized creature that needed shelter and furniture. Were Succubi trapdoor spiders or what? Garth realized he knew next to nothing about the inhuman creature in front of him, and he couldn¡¯t take anything for granted. He was woefully underinformed.


    Still wanna hit that though, he thought, watching Sandi¡¯s hips glide from side to side as she ran toward Higgurth¡¯s lumber yard. She turned the corner and he got a fleeting glimpse of perfect side-boob.


    ¡°Meet me at the market!¡± He called after her.


    Garth stood staring for a moment before he shook his head and got to work.


    ***


    Carnophage Succubi are a subspecies of Succubi that grew to eat meat rather than mana on the mana scarse island of Go¡¯haa on their native planet. Originally less common than True Succubi, their numbers have eclipsed the former species due to their ability to restrain their hunger. While a true succubi will drain their partner with every coupling, A Carnophage can subsist on farmed livestock, and are therefore less of a threat to both their mates and society as a whole.


    All Succubi fall under the Quispario category. However, Carnophage mates tend to live long enough to impregnate them, while true succubi are much less successful.


    By their very natures, they enjoy seducing and eating their prey, and this can lead to some trouble with self-control, which is why most Succubi chose Berserker as their class after they joined the Spheres. It may seem counter-intuitive, as the berserker class is famed for it''s loss of control, but the Restraint talent granted by the class is actually intended to help men and women who already had trouble controlling their impulses.


    There is still a great deal of ignorance surrounding Carnophage Succubi, as they are feared more than their far more lethal kin on account of their size and the grisly manner in which they feed.


    Their social mores regarding sex are nonexistent as a result of their breed, but this does not make them evil. They run the gamut of behavior, but tend to respect law and be highly empathetic. This combination of licentiousness and kindess make for an excellent time, as this author can attest. -Exotic Races of the Inner Spheres.


    ***


    Forestwalk proficiency has reached 25%!


    Design Plants proficiency has reached 8%!


    Force Armor proficiency has reached 0.5%!


    Create Fire proficiency has reached 2%!


    Garth leaned against the obelisk with the outpost¡¯s number and founding date in the center of the market, book in his lap, hands on his aching temple. When he started reading Design Plant, it had basically been a post-graduate genetic engineering lesson with a heavy side helping of biochemistry thrown in. And yet somehow, it was far easier to process than Force armor, which simply said to compress mana into a plane of force around himself before using it to pull apart the space around him, creating a wall of nothing. How the hell was he supposed to do that!?


    After a few false starts, he eventually got a flickering field of energy around himself, but it was taxing, and broke when subjected to a pebble thrown off the wall. It did prove he could cast spells other than plant magic. Create fire was a lot easier to grok because he already had a pretty good familiarity with how fire worked.


    Force Armor was probably a good indicator of how difficult spells were to learn normally, but Garth had, through several twists and turns, become a savant at plant-based spells.


    Oh well, work with what you got, I guess. It wasn¡¯t terribly exciting, but it was a diverse and handy class of magic. Something that intrigued Garth was how much more difficult Design Plant was than the other plant spells he¡¯d gotten. The people who learned it without aid were probably up shit creek.


    It was no wonder Kinetha said the performance was bad. You¡¯d have to hire an expensive specialist rather than learn it yourself. Garth closed the Forestwalk spellbook, resting his eyes and thinking as the evening sun painted the outpost¡¯s walls red. There wasn¡¯t a lot of time left in the day for studying.


    The way Garth understood it, to use a rough D&D comparison, all plant based spells had their spell level reduced by 2-3, which was huge. It meant most beginner and intermediate stuff would be easy as pie, while the truly powerful spells were only moderately difficult.


    Garth briefly considered what his life would be like if he¡¯d become an apostle of Hastia before he dismissed the idea. Probably would have starved or died of exposure, or perhaps been enslaved. He¡¯d done far too well to have doubts about his patron now.


    Speaking of Beladia, he hadn¡¯t seen her in his dreams in a while.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Sandi interrupted Garth¡¯s musing, running toward him with a hastily assembled giant wooden pot about five feet wide. The pot occluded her entire upper body, leaving only the tightly packed jeans visible as she wove nimbly through the crowd. Garth tilted his head, enjoying the view as she stopped in front of him.


    She turned and set the pot down, her back arched, pushing her butt up and out, giving him a great view of every contour of her buttcheeks. The lines of her thong lead his eyes down toward¡­


    ¡°Are you doing that on purpose?¡± Garth asked, rallying his self-control. There was no way that position was comfortable. At least it wouldn¡¯t be for a human. They¡¯d hurt their back in a flat second.


    ¡°Maybe,¡± she said, leaning an elbow on the enormous pot. ¡°You want me to stop?¡±


    ¡°Hell no, you keep that shit up.¡± Garth said, standing to check out the pot. She¡¯d even gone through the trouble of filling the massive thing with dirt, something that hadn¡¯t occurred to him. The damn thing must have weighed hundreds of pounds, though.


    ¡°Alright. I did a proof of concept with a bit of grass, but here comes the real test.¡±


    Garth took out an acorn and tossed it into the pot. People who¡¯d already been staring at them on account of the huge pot gaped as an oak began to creep out of the pot, reaching toward the sky.


    He used Control Plants and Beladia¡¯s mana together to split the oak into eight major branches, bending each of them down while preventing the roots from bursting through the pot. The branches bent downwards as they thickened, creaking with the stress as they lifted the pot off the ground. That accomplished, Garth wove a dozen smaller branches into a large mat that he and Sandi¡¯s true body could presumably sit on. Garth even added a nice bucket seat for himself.


    It looked like a fifteen foot tall giant spider with a platform on its back, and bushed branches sticking out every which way.


    ¡°Whoah!¡± Sandi said, gaping up at the construction while shielding her eyes from the evening sun. ¡°What¡¯s that gonna do?¡±


    ¡°Hopefully carry us,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°If not¡­I guess we¡¯ll have to hoof it.¡±


    ¡°Do this one now!¡± Sandi said, jumping up and down with a tiny clay pot held out in front of her, stuffed with a bit of dirt.


    ¡°Okay, give me a minute.¡± Garth said, trying to calm her down. He pulled out a seed pod and crushed it lightly between his fingernails, letting six or so tiny seeds out onto his cupped palm. He closed his eyes and tried to feel which one was the healthiest, pinning that one down with his index finger and letting the others roll off his palm.


    Garth felt a little silly staring down at the poppy-seed sized black speck on his palm, but ignored it, focusing on his first casting of Design Plant.


    [Design Plant]


    The long and short of Design Plant, was deciding how a plant would spend its limited resources. A plant couldn¡¯t be fertile and tough, and move like a sundew. What he really needed was a potted plant that looked and acted like a sundew, but was essentially immortal, so that Sandi could abuse it as much as she wanted. It¡¯s not like they would have a climate controlled room while they were travelling, after all.


    Listen up you, you¡¯re going to be an unkillable badass plant, Garth thought, emphasizing unkillable in his mind. The Design Plant spell didn¡¯t make any mention of a mental pep-talk, but Garth figured it might help. When you¡¯re burned, you¡¯re gonna grow back, when you run out of water, you¡¯re just gonna shrug and say, ¡®whatever, I can get it from the air¡¯! You¡¯re gonna be a lean, mean surviving machine! When you¡¯re cut in half, there¡¯s gonna be two of you, you feel me?


    When society has collapsed again from whatever new apocalypse, and Sandi and I are dust in the wind, you¡¯re gonna be sitting there, immune to the dust bowl, slowly gaining sentience until one day a tribe of half clothed men and women begin to worship you as a god. And you will be a merciful god, teaching them arithmetic and farming.


    Well, the long and short is you¡¯ll be tough, okay? Garth stopped letting his train of thought get carried away and got to work.


    The first thing Garth did was turn the fertility way down, instructing the seed to be totally infertile, completely unable to reproduce. That freed more resources to put toward surviving adverse conditions. Then he changed the nutrient intake. Carnivorous plants had adapted to terrible soil, so they grew small and couldn¡¯t handle good soil.


    Garth went through dozens of alterations, keeping a mental log of each one as he went. Once he had the nutrient intake turned up, he turned the maximum growth size, a related attribute way down, keeping it the same size despite sucking up nutrients from the soil like crazy.


    Where would it spend the extra energy? Split evenly between healing wounds and storing energy for droughts, respectively.


    On and on it went, the traits a bit slippery and trying to move around on him. When he would raise one, a connected one lowered, but as Garth got the hang of it, they behaved themselves more, allowing him to create something that coudln''t be found in nature.


    Design Plants proficiency has reached 12%!


    After a good ten minutes of silence, Sandi was starting to look nervous.


    ¡°Garth?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Hmm?¡± Garth looked up, seeing her breasts hanging in front of him as she peered into his eyes.


    ¡°You okay?¡±


    ¡°Almost done¡­There.¡±


    The Vagaries of mana have caused a Critical Success! The spell has outperformed your expectations!


    Design Plants proficiency has reached 15%!


    The information from his Status band flooded through his mind as he inspected the tiny speck in his hand. A small, damn near indestructible little Sundew seed. His Plant Analysis was telling him the only way it would ever spread is if someone cut it in half, which was good, because it had come out tougher than the worst weed. Garth had even added a dash of tuber, so it could regrow from the roots.


    ¡°Here you go,¡± Garth said, dropping the seed into the tiny pot. With a little jolt of Beladia¡¯s mana, the sundew unfurled, sending elegant mucous studded tendrils out in a pretty star shape.


    Garth watched the plant for a moment longer to be sure it wasn¡¯t going to open an eye and look at him, or try and take over the world or some such. It was his first mad scientist creation, and he didn¡¯t want it blowing up in his face spectacularly. That critical success business made him suspicious.

 Chapter 25: Performance Review

    ¡°We¡¯re leaving right now?¡± Sandi asked with a frown as he climbed out the window of the inn. ¡°I thought you brought me here because you wanted sex.¡±


    Wilson started tugging at Garth¡¯s ear, pointing at Sandi. I hear ya, he thought.


    Garth hesitated. He¡¯d seen one of Harold¡¯s goons watching him when he¡¯d been in the market square, so he¡¯d stashed the walker by the city gates and brought Sandi back to the Inn. The innkeeper had agreed to help them in exchange for his own farm, claiming that he and the succubus went right to bed together. Hopefully that should get them to lower their guard and not watch the inn all night. Garth didn¡¯t think Harold¡¯s ex-con cronies had that kind of discipline.


    He¡¯d also gotten into contact with the manager of his farming interests and asked the lawyer to keep Harold busy tonight. Getting him totally shitfaced would work. Lawyers were great, like legal handymen if you had the cash.


    He could probably spare a few minutes, but¡­


    ¡°We have to leave tonight, to get a head start on Harold.¡± Garth said, glancing back at the blonde succubus with the tight¡­everything. Wilson began mute crying into his own claws. ¡°While I would love to, I¡¯d rather be somewhere safe and every minute we can get is distance away from that psycho.¡±


    ¡°Oh, okay.¡± She shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s a little snug for me in here anyway. You want help getting out?¡±


    ¡°Wha-ack!¡± Garth let out a strangled cry as enormous, invisible hands grabbed him like a doll, held him out the window and gently set him on the ground. Shortly after, Sandi gingerly climbed down the wooden wall, tiny holes appearing in the boards as she did so. Garth really needed to figure out a way to see her main body.


    Garth glanced around the corner, but couldn¡¯t make anyone out on the street. The guy following Garth had saw fit to retire when they did. At least he wasn¡¯t dealing with a professional, because that would be a problem.


    Together they crept onto the street, heading for the main gate. Once there, he grabbed the walker, bribed the guards to open the gate, then they took off into the night.


    ***


    ¡°This is awesome!¡± Sandi said, her legs dangling off the edge of the platform as the giant oak spider crawled at about six miles an hour through the grassland surrounding the outpost, heading west toward outpost 3516, about five hundred miles away.


    Garth expected the trip would take at least four days, not including possible Kipling or Harold attack.


    ¡°How¡¯d you figure out how to do this?¡±


    Garth glanced up from studying the Forestwalk spellbook, lit by the magical lantern hanging from a branch over his wooden recliner. He should have gotten some pillows for the seat, but otherwise he couldn¡¯t complain.


    ¡°It¡¯s kind of an exploit of Forestwalk. Forestwalk instructs plants to move you in the direction of your choosing, and gives them the energy to do so, then returns them to their original position. If the plant were disconnected from the ground, when it tries to right itself, it takes a step forward to rebalance.¡±


    Garth was currently poring through the later chapters of the book in the tips and tricks section to look for ways to improve his proficiency and make the walker go faster.


    ¡°I did have to tweak the spell a little to get it to walk smoother, but most of the stability is from the eight legs.¡±


    ¡°Neat.¡± Sandi said, kicking her legs off the side as she watched the scenery go by.


    A thought occurred to Garth that¡¯d been bugging him for awhile. Her psychic puppet was amazing, but he was unsure of how it worked. He¡¯d been meaning to get to know her better, too.


    ¡°So can you see from your Lure¡¯s eyes?¡±


    ¡°Of course, all my senses are wired through it.¡±


    ¡°But your Lure looks different to everyone who looks at it, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± Sandi said, glancing back at him. ¡°Why do you ask?¡±


    ¡°Well when two or more people are looking at you, which set of eyes do you see from?¡±


    ¡°All of them.¡±


    ¡°How do you process that?¡±


    ¡°A cyclops might ask you how can function when you see everything in double.¡±


    ¡°You just can, huh?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s what I was born with.¡±


    Garth leaned back and considered further. ¡°So what does dating mean for a succubi? I¡¯ve been wondering.¡±


    ¡°There can be a lot of meanings to it. ¡°Sometimes it means we want to get a man alone so we can eat him, sometimes so we can breed, and sometimes because hanging out with them is fun.¡± she said, glancing over at him.


    ¡°Which one was I?¡±


    ¡°Well, at first, you smelled so tasty I wanted to tease you a bit, but after a while, it became mostly the third.¡± She winked. ¡°Maybe a bit of the other two.¡±


    Garth returned his eyes to the spellbook with a nervous chuckle. He really hoped she was kidding with him. He hadn¡¯t mastered Force Armor yet, and his ability to channel mana was being taxed by the walker, so he was basically defenseless.


    The low-grade mana stone was a jagged grey shard of a dungeon core on a leather strap hung around his neck. The low quality shard was still fairly valuable, attracting the mana in the environment to him like a magnet. It made fuel for the vehicle more readily available and thus less taxing to channel, making him able to keep the oak spider going all night. When Garth learned how to enchant things he could put a mana stone like this one into an object to run it indefinitely. The endless lantern ran off a pinky-sized piece.


    Garth had heard that some mana stones ¨C ones made from mythic cores ¨C were so good that they were dangerous to use. If the spellcaster was like a faucet, these stones made the water pressure so high, the faucet ¨C or spellcaster ¨C exploded when they tried to channel it.


    Garth wanted one.


    The stars were out, twinkling brightly in the absence of clouds or unnatural light, with the sole exception of Garth¡¯s lantern. The moon shone down on the grass, turning the green stalks into a gently shifting pale white ocean around them.


    Garth had to admit, it would have been romantic if it weren¡¯t for extenuating circumstances.


    He caught himself yawning, and closed the book. Moment of truth. He had to try sleeping with the spider moving.


    Would you turn the lamp off? Garth thought, and Wilson climbed up the branch, looking like a sailor on a ship¡¯s rigging as he reached out to turn the lantern down. When Wilson came back down, Garth had a piece of jerky ready for him.


    ¡°Good boy,¡± He said as Wilson snatched the bit of meat out of his hand, gulping it down with gusto.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Sandi asked, cocking her head to the side in a way that spilled her blonde hair over her shoulder and down between her breasts.


    ¡°Training my telekinetic powers.¡± Garth said with a grin. It was technically true. Wilson had become more amicable to taking orders in exchange for treats over the last day and a half, and although Garth was more than willing to bet most people didn¡¯t think of it that way, Wilson was an extension of Garth. That meant Garth was moving things with his mind, and that was awesome.


    ¡°By eating jerky?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m eating it?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°Did you see me turn off the lantern?¡± Apparently rather than wide-eyed and dropping jerky onto his shoulder, he was wide eyed and putting tiny, lizard-sized pieces of jerky in his own mouth without knowing it. Was he just attributing some actions to Wilson, and actually doing them all himself? That would be important to know in a fight. Garth would be pretty embarrassed if he was in another chokehold and he told Wilson to fetch him a weapon and he couldn¡¯t. Actually, he¡¯d just be dead.


    ¡°It went off by itself, didn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Garth grunted and fed Wilson another piece. Whatever works. After that he put the treats away he refocused on going to sleep.


    The spell that kept the walker going had described itself as a passive buff that didn¡¯t require active maintenance, and when he used the spell, the way it felt in his mind reminded him of a wind-up toy with a coiled inner spring. The stronger Garth¡¯s will, the bigger the spring he could create.


    Garth flooded mana into the mental construct that maintained the modified Forestwalk spell around him. it was a mental construct like Sandi¡¯s Lure and Wilson, but it didn¡¯t even have a form, just an intangible compression of energy around him that repeated a single task mindlessly.


    If Sandi was a Benz and Wilson a Ferrari, the construct was an 80¡¯s John Deer tractor, or perhaps a train.


    Garth stored the book in his band and laid down on, paying close attention to whether or not the oak-spider kept moving.


    ¡°Could you let me know if we stop moving? Garth asked. ¡°I¡¯m gonna catch some shuteye.¡± The idea was, if he could keep them moving night and day and sleep, there¡¯d be no way Harold could catch them.


    ¡°Alright.¡±


    Garth tried to relax and get comfortable, but the platform was hard and bumpy, and his brain wouldn¡¯t shut up. What if Kipling attacked, what if Sandi got hungry, what if Harold found out about him leaving? The list went on and on, and Garth found himself tossing and turning trying to get comfortable, staring out at the gently shifting grass. Garth had never particularly been insomniac, and the feeling of being unable to sleep was an unusual one.


    Really should have gotten pillows.


    A half hour of tossing and turning on the hard woven branches later, he felt something warm press up against him. Garth turned his head and saw Sandi¡¯s cheek pressing against his shoulder, her luxurious body uncannily conforming to his and radiating a comfortable heat.


    ¡°I thought you might be cold,¡± she said, looking up at him.


    ¡°I¡¯m not, but it feels nice.¡± Garth said, his eyes drifting shut. The contact, along with the rocking of the platform lulled him to sleep.


    ***


    ¡°Good evening, my acolyte.¡± Beladia said from across the pool. The two of them rested in a stone hot spring set in the center of a lush jungle. It was the middle of the night, the only light coming from the pale green water. Birdcalls and wingbeats fluttered down from the canopy above them. The glowing water churned with bubbles, concealing Beladia¡¯s form beneath the surface.


    ¡°Evening,¡± Garth said, looking around. ¡°Nice jacuzzi.¡±


    ¡°My portfolio is intrinsically linked to the comforts of home,¡± she said, her breasts bobbing just under the surface of the water, almost obscured.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t seen you in a few days. Did you want to talk to me?¡±


    ¡°I have some things to discuss, but that¡¯s not why you¡¯re here. You¡¯re here because you needed this.¡± She motioned to the natural jacuzzi. ¡°I provide. It¡¯s in my nature.¡±


    Now that he thought about it, he hadn¡¯t been particularly stressed or afraid for his life before Harold had entered the scene, but now he was concerned he might give himself an ulcer as his problems continued to grow out of proportion.


    ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± Garth said, leaning back and lifting his feet, letting the bubbles crawl between his toes. ¡°I did need this.¡± On the flat rock beside him was a beer stein full of cider.


    ¡°So what did you want to talk to me about?¡±


    ¡°Your performance as an apostle.¡±


    Oh crap, there are performance reviews? Garth thought, his shoulders tightening up again.


    Beladia lifted a hand in response to his thoughts. ¡°Not to worry. So far you¡¯ve exhibited perfectly acceptable behavior. The bit with the innkeeper was a bit vindictive, but you weren¡¯t causing him any harm, simply refusing him an opportunity. I especially like your quick-start homesteads¡­¡± She smiled a moment before her expression clouded, something seemingly worrying her.


    ¡°But?¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re drawing an awful lot of mana from me and the amount you¡¯re giving back is still just a trickle.¡±


    ¡°Should I stop?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°All I ask is that you get stronger. Perhaps create a spell to supplant my blessing if you wish to reduce my burden, but most importantly don¡¯t die.¡±


    ¡°You got it, Ma¡¯am.¡± Garth said, giving her a crisp salute.


    She laughed melodiously, her voice ringing through the air like chimes before she mock-saluted him back, a stern expression on her face. Three star-shaped flowers bloomed on both shoulders, mimicking a general¡¯s stars.


    God, I really wanna ask permission to come aboard. Garth thought. That was how Garth imagined they did dirty talk in several branches of the military, but coming aboard was probably most used in the navy. It was a perfect opportunity. He¡¯d never actually had sex with a superior officer. He¡¯d never been in the military, so all officers were technically superior officers, but the point stood.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you?¡± she asked.


    Oh right, mind-reading.


    ¡°It¡¯s just¡­I went on a date with a girl,¡± Garth said. ¡°and while it was just one date, and I don¡¯t know if we have anything between us or if we can even be a couple, I don¡¯t want to do anything that makes me feel like I¡¯m cheating or winds up biting me in the ass.¡±


    Beladia pursed her lips.


    ¡°You¡¯ve a curious sense of duty, despite knowing this is a dream.¡±


    ¡°I know, I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°No need to apologize.¡± She waved her hand dismissively before reclining, splashing her feet in the pool.


    ¡°So how¡¯s work?¡± Garth asked, wracking his brain for something to talk about with the nature goddess.


    ¡°Not great. Most of your contemporaries on Earth are dead, so my influence there is minimal, and I¡¯ve lost a fair bit of power. Even Kolath has less surviving Apostles than usual. I don¡¯t mean to be disparaging, but how did your species become the rulers of the planet?¡±


    ¡°I suppose if you came across us before modern technology turned our muscles to jelly, we¡¯d have done okay.¡± Garth shrugged.


    ¡°On the bright side, Entramond¡¯s surviving Apostles are being outdone by you, and he finds that incredibly irritating, since you chose me instead of him.¡±


    Garth rubbed his chin as he floated in the water. He liked Beladia and her way of supporting her Apostles. The only problem was that nice guys finish last. If she were to aggressively expand her power, she would no longer be the goddess he had chosen. Garth could do something, though.


    ¡°So how strong would I have to get to make up your losses on this planet?¡±


    ¡°Very,¡± Beladia said. ¡°At least as strong as the enforcers the Inner Spheres send to save dying planets.


    ¡°And all I have to do is eat those purified Heartstones?¡± That couldn¡¯t be it, or else all the most amazing fighters would be backed by companies like Pepsi or Microsoft.


    ¡°That¡¯s a start, but you have to go through Evolutions as well.¡± Beladia put a finger on her lips and studied Garth thoughtfully. ¡°Have you not been briefed by your commander?¡±


    ¡°My what?¡±


    ¡°Your commander. The one in charge of your platoon? You should have gotten a letter signed by the man in charge of Earth itself, one General Karas Intermon?¡±


    ¡°I got that, but¡­no commander. I haven¡¯t seen anything but adventurers and mercs.¡±


    ¡°You haven¡¯t seen any armies with red banners with numbers so great that they create an ocean of steel?


    ¡°Nothing like that.¡±


    She frowned, and leaned forward, gazing deep into his eyes. Ghostly flickers of translucent Beladias began to appear outside of her like phantoms, being drawn into her body. Her presence expanded, making space itself seem to warp around her.


    Suddenly the heavenly beauty in front of him seemed terrifyingly present, as though he¡¯d awoken some slumbering being of unimaginable power. A goddess.


    She put her hands on Garth¡¯s temples, the pressure of her full attention bringing tears to his eyes. It was like staring into the sun, but rather than light, there was a psychic force that threatened to tear away his sense of self.


    ¡°Remember your last weeks.¡± Beladia said, closing her eyes.


    Under the weight of her scrutiny, he felt himself reliving the invasion in high speed as the goddess poured through his mind. Garth¡¯s hands trembled as he lost control of his body, weighed down by the deity¡¯s power.


    Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an orange glow, flickering between the tall jungle trees. He tried to speak, but his body was entirely out of his control.


    Beladia muttered quietly as she scanned through his memories, pausing for a moment to review the Class Imprint, a subtle frown on her face, before moving on, all the way until his meeting with her, here.


    The fire in the distance grew larger, consuming the enormous forest and leaving nothing but darkness behind as it began to spread around them.


    ¡°They¡¯re breaking the rules,¡± she said, her eyes snapping open. Beldia¡¯s gaze was drawn to the side, where the fire seemed to be spreading...surrounding them. Garth saw her face flash a brief instant of fear before she looked directly into his eyes again.


    ¡°They¡¯re closing the gates. You have to wake up or you¡¯ll be trapped here!¡±


    ¡°What, I-¡±


    ¡°Garth, you need to wake up!¡± Beladia drew her hand back and smacked him, hard.

 Chapter 26: Succubi in Foxholes

    ¡°Garth, you need to wake up!¡±


    An impact rocked Garth¡¯s head to the side, and his eyes flew open. The first thing he noticed was how bright it was. Did he sleep all the way through until noon? The oak spider¡¯s leaves were glowing with reflected light.


    The second thing he noticed was Sandi kneeling over him, her features drawn with worry. when he looked up at her, she held his gaze for a moment before looking back up at the sky.


    Why was she- Garth¡¯s jaw dropped at the incomprehensible sight above him. The sky was filled, horizon to horizon, with shooting stars, making the night brighter than the day.


    ¡°The Mythic cores are coming down!¡± Sandi said, looking up at the incredible vista above them.


    Crap, this is a lot earlier than I was hoping. Garth sat up on the platform as the spider mindlessly continued to carry them to the west. From their perch on the side of a mountain, they could see everything.


    A streak of light preceded a distant flash followed by a rumbling explosion to the west. Then another, and another and another. Even more fell to the East, north and south, creating a long rumbling that sounded like the very bones of the earth were shifting.


    ¡°Maybe we should seek shelter?¡± Garth asked, raising his voice over the cacophony.


    ¡°Why? This is beautiful!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think-¡° Garth¡¯s words were cut off when a white hot line was drawn across his vision, leading to a detonation at the base of the mountain they rested on, the heat of the blast lighting the surrounding forest on fire and kicking up a wave of dust. The entire earth shook, rocking their spider back and forth as wind buffeted them.


    ¡°I think we should get somewhere safe!¡± Sandi shouted, shielding her eyes from the dust and light as she looked at him.


    ¡°¡­¡± Garth just stared at her a moment before nodding his head, popping open his bandolier full of charged acorns. They were on the side of a bald hill with no shelter in sight, but making a foxhole was no problem.


    He threw an acorn down, and the massive oak¡¯s roots bit into the stone mountainside, shattering rock and creating a massive hole. Sorry Beladia. At least he¡¯d used one of his pre-charged seeds, and hadn¡¯t actually burdened her right now.


    Just like at the lumberyard, the tree pulled its roots out, but this time it tore as much stone as it could on the way out, excavating a deep ditch for them to hide in.


    Garth slid off the spider, dropping to the ground, his eyes nearly shut against the heat and dirt, blindly groping his way to the foxhole. After a moment of desperate scrabbling, he tumbled into the ditch, a fairly deep hole in the stone about big enough for three people laying down.


    ¡°It¡¯s not big enough for me!¡± Sandi shouted, her Lure leaning over the edge of the hole. Of course it wasn¡¯t big enough. It was easy to forget her true size.


    ¡°Fit everything you can, I¡¯ll do the rest!¡± Garth shouted, channeling mana from the environment. His mana sight showed the squiggles marching to his tune, aligning themselves just so in the oak, and causing the log laying on its side to bend around them, forming a low wall around the ditch, effectively adding another two feet to the depth.


    For good measure, Garth threw two more acorns out, bending the resulting trees low and creating a dense canopy around them to ward off the flying chunks of earth and stone that were thrown around as the assault continued.


    Garth and Sandi spent a tense three hours listening to rocks bouncing off their makeshift shelter, along with explosions that seemed to come from everywhere, but never any that came as close as the one at the base of the mountain.


    After going through this much shit, you can bet your ass I got dibs on that one. He thought silently as he quietly prayed for the shelter to hold.


    ***


    By morning, the explosions had settled down and head sized chunks of rock no longer came knocking on the thick canopy of trees. Between the branches, Garth could make out the light of dawn. He¡¯d only gotten a couple hours of sleep, but there was no way he felt like sleeping.


    Garth had the oaks bend away from them with a wave of his hand, returning to their natural positions. Sandi crawled out of the foxhole first, her invisible body unwinding from around Garth. She got to the lip of the hole and stretched, arching her back and throwing her hands above her in a way that was most pleasing to the eye. Goddamn the thong caught my attention again. I guess that¡¯s what it¡¯s there for.


    ¡°That was awful! It was so cramped, I don¡¯t think my spine will ever recover.¡±


    ¡°I dunno, I go to cop a feel of something, so I had a pretty good time.¡± Garth said as he climbed out of the hole. The terrain below them was covered in burned dots as far as the eye could see, with about five to ten miles between each of them.


    Sandi blushed. ¡°That was my elbow.¡±


    Garth¡¯s hyperawareness of Sandi¡¯s body flared somewhat, telling him that she was taken off guard somewhat by his statement. Looks like you can dish it out, but you can¡¯t take it. He thought, suppressing a grin. Garth made a note to practice his ingenious method of messing with her.


    ¡°Seemed pretty soft for an elbow, but if you insist.¡± Garth pointed at the black circle of burned trees at the base of the mountain. ¡°That¡¯s ours.¡±


    The walker was halfway down the mountain, its high center and wind-catching platform allowing the explosions to do some real damage to it, carrying it off the side of the mountain. Just beyond the shattered vehicle was the resting place of their first Mythic core.


    ¡°Race you!¡± Sandi said, bounding down the side of the mountain in a feat of inhuman speed. She seemed peppy. Wonder if it¡¯s the promise of wealth, or the sexual harassment. Need to control my variables and figure out- oh shit, she¡¯s getting really far ahead!


    ¡°Damnit!¡± Garth cursed, applying Forestwalk to himself before taking off after her. Sandi gained a lot of ground in the beginning, where they were running across bare stone. Her hourglass figure shrinking into the distance. Once his feet touched moss, though, Garth felt like he was running on trampoline springs, getting an extra kick out of every step. Sandi started getting closer.


    When the moss changed into the low shrubs and forest, he started gaining. As it turned out, Forestwalk didn¡¯t just push up from his feet, it also bent the shrubs and trees out of his way before they pushed on his back, hurtling him down the mountain at an uncomfortable speed.


    I like this spell! Garth thought as the wind blew tears out of his eyes and Wilson held on for dear life. He felt a bit like an ice skater going down a frozen mountain at breakneck speeds.


    Sandi on the other hand, with her large size, was forced to leap over shrubs and weave around trees, delaying her just long enough for Garth to catch up, delivering a solid smack on her ass on the way by.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Sandi shouted after him as he approached the circle of charred woods. Only a few dozen feet to go now. Garth glanced over his shoulder to watch Sandi¡¯s pathetic attempt to catch up to him foiled by a stand of trees he¡¯d glided through easily. Garth was starting to get an idea on how to handle the succubus.


    ¡°Hah!¡± Garth called over his shoulder, before his toe caught something that was definitely not a plant. Garth careened headfirst into the underbrush, Wilson flew out in front of him, limbs splayed and eyes wide in terror. Garth slammed into the ground, driving all the air out of his lungs a few feet shy of the goal.


    ¡°Uuugh.¡± As stars clouded his vision, Forestwalk dragged his face through the mud, the surrounding shrubs pushing him the last few feet into the circle of blackened nature.


    ¡°Garth, are you okay!?¡± Sandi asked, coming to stand above him.


    How many times was this situation going to repeat himself, with him hurt from being stupid, staring up at Sandi? He was supposed to be the smart one, but Sandi just made him dumb and impulsive, and he loved every second of it. Garth lifted a trembling hand and motioned for Sandi to come closer. She leaned over him, bringing her ear closer as she gave Garth an excellent view down her black tank top.


    ¡°I won,¡± Garth whispered.


    ¡°Jerk.¡± She shook her head and stood up as he pushed himself to his feet. He had surprisingly few scratches as Forestwalk had bent the underbrush out of the way. It looked like the spell had its own protection against collisions, as long at whatever he was running into had some plant in it.


    He cast his gaze around the artificial clearing. Trees had been burned black from the heat of the Mythic Core¡¯s entry, and the smaller brush had been vaporized, leaving nothing but grey ash sprinked around the charred clearing.


    The Forest walk spring was still unwinding, but the charred ground gave him no boost to his speed as they approached the center. At the very center of the clearing was a single golden orb, about the size of a golf ball.


    ¡°Is that it?¡±


    ¡°Yep, that¡¯s a Mythic Core,¡± she said breathily. ¡°I never thought I¡¯d see one.¡±


    You went to a planet you knew was about to be filled with them, and never thought you¡¯d see a single one? Competition must be fierce.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here quick,¡± Garth said, holding a hand over the orb to see if it was hot. He couldn¡¯t feel any heat radiating off of it, but there was a certain¡­thickness to the air around it. Garth stopped and paid close attention to the mana in the area.


    The little squiggles were being drawn inward, condensing around the Mythic Core and creating an atmosphere so rich in mana that Garth could feel it.


    ¡°What are you waiting for?¡± Sandi asked, looking over his shoulder at the little sphere.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure it¡¯s safe to touch.¡± Garth said, glancing around. He stood up and in a matter of minutes found a dragonfly outside the range of the devastation and pressed it against the sphere. Animal testing, not PETA friendly.


    The dragonfly seemed a pretty offput at being held and placed on top of the core, but it didn¡¯t fry, or explode, or anything else for that matter. When Garth let go, it sat still in confusion for a moment, then flew off to the northeast, never to be seen again.


    ¡°Seems alright.¡± Garth said, watching the dragonfly leave.


    And that was the first time Garth met Carnifax, Hunter of dragons.


    Dismissing the insect from his mind, Garth tentatively reached out and picked up the golden sphere. If something started talking to him in his mind, or he could suddenly see a disembodied fiery eye staring at him from infinite distances, he¡¯d drop the damn thing right then and there.


    Fortunately, none of that happened, but there was a strange sense of disconnection, like he was snapping a rubber band or a light glue bond as he pulled the Mythic core out of the ground. Was that the connection the core was trying to form with the Earth to create a dungeon? Garth thought as he inspected the golden orb before putting it in his pocket.


    He¡¯d have to do some more research later, but for now they should salvage their supplies from the busted walker and get out of here, gathering as many of these priceless beauties as they could.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go find some more.¡± Garth said with a grin.

 Chapter 27: For Safekeeping

    They gathered their belonging from the toppled walker and set out. Sandi offered to flip the several thousand pound oak spider back on to its feet, but Garth said no. While he was pretty sure she could do it, they would get to each of the Mythic cores dotting the landscape much faster on foot with an application of Forestwalk.


    They didn¡¯t have much between the two of them. Garth retrieved his reading lantern, miraculously unbroken by the storm of cores falling from the sky, and Sandi picked up her little sundew, two branches torn off in the tumble, and it¡¯s sticky leaves covered in dirt.


    Normally Garth would write the plant off as toast, but the broken stems looked like they had already scabbed over, and the dirt was gradually flaking away. The plant was a tough bastard. He was a little proud of himself actually. It also made him excited to master the Design Plant spell.


    Whoops, can¡¯t get ahead of myself. Garth thought as they set out toward the west under the effect of Forestwalk. Garth had almost tried to cast it without removing the Mythic core from his possession, nearly exploding. The mana he saw condensing around the stone was so highly compressed that trying that simple spell would have blown his top off.


    As it was, he gave the core to Sandi and took quite a few steps back before the mana in the air didn¡¯t feel like it was about to ram itself down his throat, casting Forestwalk on both of them.


    The Outpost to the East that they had come from was filled with people who would no doubt be flooding into the surrounding countryside, picking up and killing each other over fortunes laying around on the dirt. And it was only thirty or so miles away.


    They set out gliding through the woods toward the mental map he had made of where the cores had fallen, the memory clear as day. Garth pulled the memory up in his mind, spotted a landmark tree, mentally dropped a you are here dot on the mental map, and oriented himself on the most efficient path to get their next three cores while still heading in a generally westerly direction.


    Garth had never been able to process information like that before. Hell, his sense of direction had never really been that good, requiring him to live long periods of time in one place before he was able to take the leap of faith and not use his GPS to tell him where the damn supermarket was.


    Wilson riding his shoulder, Garth sprang through the trees like a gazelle, running faster than humanly possible through the woods¡­only to be left in the dust by Sandi. Without the advantage of the Forestwalk spell, Garth was eating her dust.


    The succubus stopped a few dozen yards ahead and looked over her shoulder watching him impatiently.


    ¡°You know what?¡± she asked, matching his pace.


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked, springing through the woods.


    ¡°We can go faster than this.¡±


    Once again giant invisible hands clamped down around his waist, lifting him up and up into the air, dangling over nothing. Garth bit down a squeal of discomfort. No way was he going to squeal in front of Sandi.


    ¡°Spread your legs,¡± Sandi commanded.


    Never thought I¡¯d be hearing that¡­ Garth widened his legs, and the hands gently lowered him. He felt his feet bump against, then slide around something big and warm, a bit less wide than a horse, and more comfortable. Still looked like he was sitting in mid air just behind a pretty blonde.


    As a matter of fact, the height offered him an interesting view of her thong. The map in Garth¡¯s head wobbled a bit, and Garth fixed his eyes forward, determined to weather the storm of hormones.


    ¡°There¡¯s a spine behind my neck, you can hold onto that,¡± Sandi said.


    Garth felt blindly forward on Sandi¡¯s back, taking in the soft skin of the succubus¡¯s real body until he felt a hard pole sticking from it, emerging from the skin and feeling a bit like a horn. Garth got a good hold on it and nodded.


    ¡°Ready.¡±


    Sandi took off, and Garth nearly flew off the enormous invisible creature. They must be going close to fifty miles an hour through the forest, and he could only attribute six or so to himself. He saw Sandi¡¯s Lure moving with inhuman speed just below him, eyes fixed forward with her plant tucked under her arm like a running back.


    ¡°Left a little,¡± Garth said, leaning left, and she corrected, putting them on course with Garth¡¯s mental map.


    ***


    ¡°Are you tired?¡± Garth asked as they travelled, ¡°because we can stop.¡± To which Sandi shook her head, cruising along fast enough to make the spider-oak seem laughable.


    ¡°Sometimes I wonder why I even bother being clever when you can just brute force solutions like this, no problem.¡± Garth said. ¡°You are a smoother ride though.¡± Garth spotted the back of her neck turning red at his comment.


    ¡°I liked the walker, it was relaxing, and I got a little sleep.¡±


    True, eventually she did need to sleep, but at the rate they were going, it would only take one more day to reach the next outpost. Even snagging Mythic cores on the way by, they¡¯d made excellent time.


    ¡°I¡¯d make another one, but it¡¯ll be better to camp in a safe spot and not move around too much. Getting closer to civilization means it¡¯ll be a bad idea to attract attention to ourselves.¡±


    ¡°Oh, okay.¡±


    Garth¡¯s status band held a good fifteen of the gently glowing priceless golden spheres. He¡¯d briefly considered shoving a couple up his ass for safekeeping, but he was a little concerned about what mana at that concentration would do to his prostate. That and Sandi had refused to let him sit on her back if he did.


    Fifteen Mythic Cores was a king¡¯s ransom, capable of powering several national treasure level artifacts, or keeping entire cities powered for hundreds of years in the Inner Spheres, at least according to Sandi.


    Garth studied one of the gold golf balls in his fingers as they cruised through the tall grass, halfway to the next outpost already. They might be incredibly valuable on an industrial level, but Garth couldn¡¯t do a damn thing with them yet. He didn¡¯t dare use spells within twenty feet of his collection. The minimum safe radius for spellcasting kept getting wider as he acquired more of them.


    When he had the leisure, Garth wanted to cast simple spells closer and closer to one of the Mythic Cores, tempering his ability to channel large amounts of mana until he could actually cast a spell while touching one.


    The problem he¡¯d discovered during a small break, was rather than having to wrangle the mana where you wanted it to go, you had to have major skill at pumping the breaks and exercising restraint, an entirely new concept to Garth¡¯s attempts at spellcasting. Garth¡¯s mana channeling proficiency had increased according to his Status Band, due to trying different things than he was used to.


    They were cruising through tall grass, making great time. The sun was starting to sink down from its zenith, putting the time at maybe two o clock when Sandi spotted another Mythic Core¡¯s drop site.


    ¡°Over there!¡± Sandi said, pointing with her Lure through the tall grass. She¡¯d spotted one first again. The five foot four blonde simulacrum had no way of seeing above the tall weeds, but her main body¡¯s eyesight was on line with Garth¡¯s own, and despite Garth having a class that enhanced his Senses, the succubus seemed to be blessed with better eyesight naturally.


    When asked, he¡¯d gotten the succubi¡¯s admittedly incomplete explanation of Attributes and how they worked. According to Sandi, the Attributes weren¡¯t fixed numbers. They were rather more like multipliers than specific quantities detailing how strong or fast someone was.


    A man with 15 strength would be 1.5 times stronger than he rightly should be, but if he didn¡¯t work out a day in his life, he¡¯d be put to shame by one with 10 Strength who worked out religiously.


    The same was true for intelligence. Someone who never applied their Intelligence could be outperformed by a rather studious, hard-thinking individual with lower Intelligence. It was a matter of effort.


    The reason she always spotted things first was that Garth had always had bad eyesight. While it had been improved tremendously, to near superhuman levels, even, he still was starting from a far lower point than Sandi was. He narrowed his eyes, focusing in the direction Sandi had started towards.


    A moment later, he saw the tiny bit of black, burned grass on the horizon, barely a smudge on the waves of green. She¡¯d spotted another one.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go for it,¡± Garth said, glancing down at the Succubi¡¯s Lure gliding through the grass. Since he didn¡¯t have a lot to entertain himself on the trip, he had spent some of it reading his spellbooks, and the rest of the time working on his own special method of bedeviling the literal man-hunter. If what he read was true, she could feel her Lure¡¯s form somewhat, so Garth had to practice while she was distracted.


    Garth closed his eyes and send tendrils of thought exploring every belief and motivation he¡¯d ever had, until he was just outside the core of his being. Not gonna touch that!


    After a moment of mapping out his base desires and why he had them, Garth introduced the notion that black hair was exotic.


    Black hair was sexy, but forbidden. His mother would be ashamed of him if she ever knew he was dating a girl with black hair. Black haired girls were wild in the sack. The shine from their hair glistened in the most enticing way¡­


    Garth created layer after layer, tying it together into a mental construct that embedded itself in his mind before powering it with a tiny dollop of mana. The stones safely in his storage had no effect on the mana in the surrounding area. In a matter of seconds it should run out.


    That done, Garth opened his eyes, and glanced down.


    Sandi¡¯s Lure sported a head of long black hair. A few seconds later her hair shifted back to blonde as the mental construct fell apart.


    Lets see what she thinks when I turn her Lure into a giant chicken! Garth thought, then immediately reconsidered. Wouldn¡¯t she get the last laugh, because by that point he would be genuinely attracted to giant chickens?


    Garth decided to keep his pranking of Sandi within the realm of things he could be physically attracted to normally, because that image was going to haunt him. Imagine if she wanted to get one back at him by seducing him, and when the spell wore off, Garth would have memories of having sex with a giant bird? Or a chair? Garth shuddered.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± Sandi asked as they approached the black spot in the grass.


    ¡°Just thinking.¡± Garth said. Come to think of it, he¡¯d actually invented a spell! The Archmage class kicked ass! Or whatever weird-ass variant of it he¡¯d gotten. Maybe he could call it Garth¡¯s Marriage Rekindler. He was fairly sure no one was going to use his experimental self-hypnosis designed to mess with succubi to make their husband attractive again, but who knew?


    They approached the black circle, about ten feet wide, where a single golden sphere rested.


    ¡°Garth, something¡¯s weird.¡± Sandi said as they approached.


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked, his attention turning to the windswept grass around them. He didn¡¯t see anything moving.


    ¡°I can feel other people looking at me.¡±


    Crap. The Mythic Core is a trap. We need to bolt!


    ¡°Sandi, run aw-¡°


    Hold it right there!¡± a voice emerged from the grass, along with no less than fifty armed Thrask aiming thick recurve bows at them, with arrows that looked like they could puncture steel. The dusky skinned, barrel chested men had them totally surrounded. Were Thrask just more inclined to organized crime?


    ¡°Drop everything you¡¯re carrying!¡± the one in front said, leveling a sword at them. ¡°Do it quick and without a fuss, and we won¡¯t have to kill ya.¡±


    Claim jumpers.


    ¡°Bet you wish you¡¯d have let me put the cores in my ass now, huh?¡± Garth asked, his hands up.

 Chapter 28: Slap-Chop

    ¡°You, cancel the phantom steed and strip. Don¡¯t even think about running away, or we¡¯ll be forced to take some liberties with your guide here.¡± The men surrounding them were mostly armed with bows, but there were a few with heavy axes, and even a slender one with lightning dancing between his fingers, eyeing Garth¡¯s Status Band with undisguised greed. Like Garth, he was wearing practical clothing rather than robes.


    Garth immediately realized a couple things: Thrask weren¡¯t that bright, and Garth had an ace up his sleeve in the form of a massive, invisible, man-eating succubus. He shared a knowing glance with Sandi, who frowned thoughtfully.


    ¡°But he¡¯s not-¡°


    ¡°Ahem!¡± Garth coughed, interrupting Sandi. ¡°Sure, I¡¯ll get off my phantom horse ¨C he shot Sandi a glare ¨C ¡°right now. Just keep your word not to hurt us. This can all work out civilly¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± The lead Thrask said with narrowed eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you see in a coward like him, beautiful.¡± He changed his gaze to Sandi¡¯s Lure as she carefully lowered Garth off her back. He ran a rough hand up the side of her arm, his eyes raking up and down her Lure. ¡°The pay must be too good to ignore.¡±


    Garth felt Sandi¡¯s enormous clawed hands tense and shudder a bit as she set Garth down.


    ¡°My mom taught me not to hurt people, and I don¡¯t want to either, so I¡¯m warning you to please leave us alone.¡± Sandi said, her voice tight as she glared at him.


    What? Where¡¯s your killer instinct? Is this the same girl I watched eat a whole Banta? While Garth thought this the circle of armed Thrask fell about themselves, roaring with laughter. Turned out his bodyguard was a pacifist.


    Well, even if Sandi wasn¡¯t great at being intimidating, she was an excellent distraction. Every single Thrask was either:


    A. Laughing uproariously


    B. Leering at Sandi, all their attention focused on her milkshakes.


    At the very least, this gave him the opportunity to make a few adjustments to the playing field.


    Garth discretely bent the bandit¡¯s arrows using Control Plant. He wasn¡¯t good enough to do them all at once, but each one only took a fraction of a second. Garth was afraid the Thrask wizard would notice something, but he was laughing with the rest of them.


    The spell didn¡¯t allow nearly as much range of motion as it described on a living specimen, but the structure of the wood was the same, if a lot less flexible. That was fine, all he needed to do was give the arrows a 3-5 degree bend, and they wouldn¡¯t be hitting the broad side of a barn.


    That done, Garth decided to take the next step.


    Get me a pea, Garth thought, and Wilson reached into Garth¡¯s bandolier and discretely placed one in his palm. If anyone saw a floating pea, no one said anything. Beladia would probably cut him some slack, since this was life or death. If he could disable most of them, it would be plenty of confusion to lose them in the thick grass. Between Control Plant and Forestwalk, these guys were kind of on his home turf.


    On the other hand, those arrows looked thicker than his thumb and were tipped with barbed steel. It would not be pleasant to be struck by one of those. Oh well, between disableing their first shot and hitting them with a double fertilized pea, he was pretty sure he could get all of them. There were a lot less Thrask here than there had been Kipling assaulting Leanne.


    After this was over though, Garth was going to make sure he and Sandi had a talk so they were clear on how bodyguarding was to be handled in the future. If Garth had to be the intimidating one, he¡¯d like to know in advance.


    Maybe a spiked collar would make Sandi look tougher. An image of Sandi wearing steel studded leather lingerie flashed through his mind before he was able to dismiss the notion as wishful thinking.


    An application of Forestwalk on the two of them should make the Combat Peas release them by the very nature of the spell, and then the two of them would be free to grab whatever Cores the claim jumpers had stashed away before making their escape. He¡¯d hate to let the opportunity pass. Every part of the bandit, and all that.


    Sandi didn¡¯t want to hurt anyone, and Garth hadn¡¯t killed anything but Kipling thus far, and he didn¡¯t particularly want to, either, so just robbing the robbers sounded fine to him. He didn¡¯t want to remember killing anyone for the rest of his life.


    Except maybe Harold.


    Garth focused his attention on the little orange bead in the palm of his hand and opened the floodgates to Beladia¡¯s power.


    A searing sensation shot through his spine, up into his nasal passages, encompassing his entire brain with an intense pain, like someone shoved a finger into the open socket of his removed molar, tickling the nerve with their fingernail.


    ¡°Agh, sonofabitch!¡± Garth shouted, dropping to the ground and clutching his head. It only took a few seconds before the pain went away, and Garth was able to breathe properly and look up.


    Everyone was looking at him. The dusky skinned claim jumper¡¯s guards were up again, arrows half drawn. Sandi¡¯s distracting presence could only go so far.


    ¡°Garth, are you okay?¡± Sandi asked, kneeling beside him.


    ¡°Yeah, I just¡­My familiar bit me.¡± Garth said lamely, glancing around. He couldn¡¯t exactly admit he was preparing to fight them, could he? Wilson was looking betrayed, but he seemed to be busy nursing his own headache.


    The Thrask magician got a smug, Better-than-you grin while the leader simply raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°That¡¯s enough coddling the fool, woman, come back here.¡±


    A cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and Garth¡¯s idle thoughts about what he would do after this debacle was over snapped back to the present, to why the hell his Blessing had stopped working.


    Garth thought back to his dream. ¡®They¡¯re closing the gates¡¯ Beladia had said, right before she smacked him. Was he cut off from her? Garth glanced at his skin: Still Purple. He focused on the feel of the chilly spring wind on his cheeks: Still resistant to cold.


    Presumably he still smelled edible to Sandi.


    So what the hell?


    ¡°You two are a good laugh. I don¡¯t know what kind of ridiculous mother you had, but she gave you some fine gifts, I¡¯ll give her that.¡± The Thrask said, striding forward and grabbing Sandi¡¯s Lure by the back of the neck. ¡°Now you¡¯re gonna come with us, or things are gonna get unpleasant.¡±


    ¡°And you!¡± he said, directing everyone¡¯s attention back to Garth. ¡°I told you to strip! I don¡¯t want to get blood on that fine Status Band!¡±


    ¡°Ummm.¡± Garth watched Sandi¡¯s Lure as her lip began to twitch in a feral snarl, her cheeks turning red, glowering in a way that was, for once, not particularly attractive. I don¡¯t think she likes that.


    ¡°Now!¡± The Thrask gave another tug on Sandi¡¯s neck, and much to his surprise, found her as immovable as a boulder.


    ¡°Get your hands off me!¡± Sandi shouted, accompanied by a roar emanating from the air beside Garth. She slapped the Thrask¡¯s hand away with inhuman strength¡­and a little something extra. Garth thought he made out a flicker in the light as the man¡¯s arm was lopped off behind the elbow, sending the well-toned muscle flying out into the grass.


    The Thrask stared at his arm for a second, watching the blood squirt from his stump.


    Then a lot of things happened at once.


    ¡°I¡¯m casting a spell!¡± Garth shouted, jumping to his feet and weaving his hands together in a manner he thought looked more mystical than hysterical. ¡°It¡¯s a big one!¡± He had to draw their attention away from Sandi and disarm them.


    The Thrask refocused their attention on Garth.


    ¡°Kill them!¡± The leader bellowed, slapping a hand over his stump.


    Arrows hissed through the air around Garth, some of them missing by fractions of an inch. Garth didn¡¯t have time to sweat how close to being impaled he¡¯d come, the Thrask wizard was winding up his lightning spell again, and this time he looked like he intended to use it.


    ¡°Hot potato!¡± Garth shouted and summoned a Mythic Core out of his Status band, tossing it at the Thrask Magician in one smooth motion, almost like a magic trick. Rather than catch it, as Garth had hoped, the dusky mage reflexively held out a hand and summoned a plane of force to ward off whatever attack Garth was throwing at him.


    Which was also a bad idea. The instant the Mythic Core and the shield made contact with each other, the shield let out a flash of golden light, like an incandescent filament, superheated to the extreme.


    A moment later, the mage slumped to the ground, eyes bloody and rolled back in his head, a stream of red gushing from his nose. So it causes a lethal aneurysm if you try to channel too much mana. Good to know. Garth didn¡¯t have time to process his first murder, as there were fifty more guys with bows and an angry look about them.


    Garth channeled mana into Control plants, warping their bows beyond usefulness with a wave of his hand. It was easier and faster to channel mana while you used your hands as a visual aid, and he was able to get all of them before the shock of missing him and losing their mage had passed.


    ¡°Switch to your knives and rus-¡° the Thrask was cut off when something big and heavy hit him from above, crushing him to the ground and perforating him. The Thrask continued to be beaten and sliced beyond recognition for a second, before Sandi¡¯s real body leapt off him and dove into one side of the encirclement.


    Looking at the remains, Garth had the morbid thought that Sandi reminded him a bit of a Slap-Chop, but for people.


    In the confusion, some tried to take another shot, not quite understanding why their bows weren¡¯t working, while others dropped the warped wood to the ground in disgust, pulling out all manner of sharp, blood encrusted knives, shortswords, and even a meathook, closing in on the only two they could see.


    This is not good. Garth reached into his pocket, pulling out the last three charged acorns. He very gently touched Beladia¡¯s power before pulling his awareness back as though he¡¯d touched a hot stove. It still felt like an open wound. Looks like I¡¯m gonna have to use the last of the acorns, Garth thought as a dozen men sprinted toward him.


    The one in the lead was a drooling, low-browed moron with a rusty cleaver, raised high and ready to cut Garth shoulder to breastbone.


    Sandi was doing a great job, to be sure, but there were just too damn many of them, and Garth was about to get diced. Garth tensed up with his acorns out, ready to bust a nut.


    The hiss of an arrow travelling through the air at obscene speeds cut through the clamor of battle, and a handful of feathers seemed to erupt from the drooling Thrask¡¯s eye socket.

 Chapter 29: Culture Shock

    ¡°Get away from her!¡± Garth heard a¡­chittering shout, as four more arrows followed the first. All this happened in the amount of time it took him to realize there was someone else out there. Possibly several someones.


    Garth hit the deck and rolled out of the way as the Thrask with the meat cleaver toppled to the ground, rusty blade landing just shy of Garth¡¯s leg.


    The remaining Thrask skidded to a halt, looking around themselves with rising panic. To their right, Sandi seemed to be dancing in the middle of an invisible people-blender, and to their left, there were arrows coming from the tall grass, picking them off one by one. In front of them was a cowering wizard.


    They looked like they were about to come to a decision, but Garth took away any choice they had, tossing an acorn on either side of the group. The charged acorns still had Beladia Juice in them, apparently, shooting out of the ground and reaching massive size in a fraction of a second.


    Before they could get their bearings, Garth took control of the oaks, spreading their thick branches around the group to pen them in before pummeling them to death with the huge tree¡¯s main trunk.


    Control Plants proficiency has reached 35%!


    After a few seconds of that, Garth glanced around for the source of the arrows, but found nothing in either direction. To his left, Sandi pounced on the last fleeing Thrask bandit, tearing him to pieces as she lost herself in the kill. Her Lure moaned with her back arched in pleasure as her main body chewed through armor, spitting out buckles and hard leather before she could get to the tasty meat.


    That image is gonna linger, Garth thought, averting his eyes as he scanned the edge of the grass clearing, looking for their bow-wielding benefactor.


    It didn¡¯t take long for them to appear, and it was¡­not what he was expecting. A giant ant¡­man with a bow stepped into the clearing. With the mandibles and the big compound eyes, Garth couldn¡¯t make heads or tails of the creature¡¯s expression, save that it wasn¡¯t aiming the bow at him. That had to count for something.


    It was, however, keeping an arrow strung and ready to fire. Clearly this ant-man had some reservations about the two of them. He turned its head slightly, and Garth got the feeling he was studying Sandi.


    ¡°Why does your companion seem to be¡­mating with those corpses?¡± Bug-man finally spoke, tilting its head back towards Garth.


    ¡°She¡¯s a succubus.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not Tzetin?¡± Bug Man studied Sandi and the corpses disappearing into her real body for a moment, his stance shifting as he took in the way they seemed to be disappearing into something huge and gluttonous. Thankfully the guy didn¡¯t raise his bow. Garth didn¡¯t want to start another fight.


    ¡°I see.¡± Bug Man said, turning back to Garth. ¡°Three cores.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°The cost of your rescue.¡±


    Oh, great, as soon as I think being robbed is over and done with¡­Well, he did save my life. Being alive was something Garth did feel grateful for, but he couldn¡¯t afford to give away three cores to everyone who rescued him from a dangerous situation. Who said this bug person didn¡¯t stake out the bandits for this exact reason?


    ¡°We don¡¯t know that you save my life for sure¡­But you sure did lend us a hand, and you earned a reward. You can have the one over there.¡± Garth said, pointing at the Core that had been used as a Lure by the bandits. ¡°We could have come out of this conflict much worse, so I¡¯m willing to call this debacle a wash.¡±


    ¡°I will take half of the Thrask¡¯s Cores.¡±


    ¡°A third.¡± Garth nodded to Sandi. ¡°She did most of the work. I only saw you take down four.¡± Garth crossed his arms and scowled up at the bug-man in a way he hoped was intimidating. Bug-man¡¯s antennae twitched rapidly, making Garth wish his handy dandy Status Band could translate body language, because aside from the antennae, this creature was entirely motionless.


    Finally he said, ¡°Agreed.¡±


    Garth held out his hand, and the creature tensed, it¡¯s Antennae twitching.


    ¡°When you make a deal on Earth. It¡¯s customary to shake hands.¡±


    The Tzetin hesitantly held out one of his four hands and clasped Garths. It was an odd handshake, the smooth, unyielding carapace the only thing he could feel from the creature¡¯s hand.


    ¡°I¡¯m Garth. She¡¯s Sandi.¡± He said, nodding toward the succubus devouring the dead Thrask.


    ¡°I am called Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt.¡±


    While Garth¡¯s memory was good enough to remember her name, his mouth just didn¡¯t want to make those noises.


    ¡°Can I call you Itet?¡± he asked. Sounded fancy. Egyptian, even.


    ¡°No.¡±


    Still gonna do it.


    As it turned out, The Thrask did have three more Cores, if you included the one Garth threw at the mage, which Itet did. It rankled Garth a bit, but when you looked at the big picture, he was still walking away with one Core more than he walked in, so he shouldn¡¯t be too picky.


    Once Sandi calmed down, she helped clean up the ambush sight and cut Heartstones out of the bandits. The ones she hadn¡¯t eaten, anyway. Garth was quite happy he didn¡¯t have to do it himself, since all Sandi had to do was snip a corpse in half in the right spot, then pluck out the Heartstone in a matter of seconds, rather than the fifteen minutes it would take him to hack through the ribcages. All Garth had to do was haul them.


    ¡°Oof,¡± Garth grunted as he slung a Thrask over his back. His knees wobbled as he tromped over to Sandi and tried not to gag. The face peeking under his armpit with wide, lifeless eyes didn¡¯t help much. He¡¯d killed eight of them in the heat of the moment, but now his stomach was trying to do backflips.


    Fighting other people felt like an out-of-body experience, and when it ended, all the sounds, sights, and smells of death assaulted him all at once. Garth was happy he wasn¡¯t curled up in a ball or tossing his cookies.


    Itet had decided to help, and was dragging two corpses by their wrists beside him.


    ¡°You are rather weak. Are you a male?¡± Bug-man said. What did he mean by that?


    ¡°I am,¡± Garth said, not bothering with deception. Bug-man¡¯s probably a bug-girl.


    ¡°She and I can deal with the dead. Why don¡¯t you wax my bowstring and clean our gear? Males love making everything tidy.¡±


    Garth stopped dead and stared at Itet with his mouth open, then glanced at the little pile of gear by the fire she¡¯d started. He let the corpse slide off his back, hitting the ground with a thud.


    ¡°Sure,¡± he said. ¡°Then maybe after you¡¯re done here, you can make me a sandwich and fetch me a beer. I know how much females like cooking things and¡­fetching things.¡± Garth gesticulated toward the growing pile of corpses.


    The bug warrior¡¯s antennae twitched rapidly as it watched him motionlessly. Garth had no idea if it was going to laugh or fly into a rage, as she gave no sign of either.


    ¡°Are you being sarcastic?¡±


    ¡°Little bit.¡±


    ¡°I see. Humans are almost impossible to read.¡± She glanced toward the fire, and then to the bodies strewn around the clearing. ¡°Do as you think yourself capable, then.¡±


    ¡°Actually, I¡¯d love to stop carrying dead bodies and go lube up your junk. I¡¯ll do that when I¡¯ve carried eight of them, at least.¡± Garth said, slinging the corpse back over his shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m gonna carry the ones I¡¯m responsible for.¡±


    There was no logic to it, but Garth felt that he had to deal with their remains himself. They once again began hauling bodies toward Sandi, who was humming as she dissected them.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got a good sense of honor. I¡¯m glad that my junk will be in your hands.¡±


    ¡°Heeheehee.¡± Garth giggled as they walked.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Maybe I¡¯ve been hanging out with her too long.¡± Garth nodded toward the succubus.


    The Thrask leader had a particularly clear, round stone with tiny cracks running along the inside of the stone, while the mage¡¯s was a vibrant green, with a bit of an ovoid shape. These two were larger and finer quality than the others, but they were all, to a man, far better than the stuff Garth had gotten from the Kipling.


    That might explain why Harold was so beefy, if he was getting his stones from people rather than Kipling.


    ¡°The color reflects the mental Attribute that the Heartstone raises,¡± Sandi said, giving Garth a lecture as he sat there, her inner Receptionist coming through as she gave him a much needed explanation. Itet sat and watched impassively, apparently just as intrigued by her explanation.


    ¡°Blue for Intelligence, red for Memory, and yellow is for Senses.¡±


    I think she should be a sexy librarian for this explanation. With a minor effort of will, Garth used his homemade spell to shape his own desires, causing Sandi¡¯s Lure to shift in response. She became a brunette with her hair tucked in a bun, dressed Business Slutty.


    Sandi frowned a moment, taking off her new glasses and studying them, along with her new outfit.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± Itet asked.


    ¡°There¡¯s no one else here, right? I can only sense two people looking at me, but I¡¯m not¡­¡± She gave Garth an odd look.


    Garth winked.


    ¡°I guess it¡¯s fine.¡± She shrugged.


    ¡°So since the mage¡¯s Heartstone was green, that means it¡¯s a combination of Intelligence and Senses?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Right, experts can identify what the ratio of each attribute in a Heartstone is by closely studying a stone¡¯s shade. Clarity determines the potency.¡± She held the mage¡¯s aloft, studying the slightly murky stone.


    ¡°This one is good, but not great. A perfectly smooth, clear stone of one of the three primary colors and in a perfect spherical shape would be the most potent you could find. There are other Heartstones taken from powerful creatures that can have additional effects, but the vast majority of them will only raise your attributes.


    ¡°How do you determine if the stone raises a physical Attribute?¡± Garth asked. Itet seemed content to watch silently.


    ¡°Physical attributes for physical Attributes,¡± Sandi said, her breasts nearly destroying the buttons of her blouse as she chewed on her glasses. ¡°A smooth teardrop shape represents Speed. Hairline cracks in the gem itself represent Strength, and a pebbled, pitted surface represents Endurance.¡±


    Sandi pulled out some Heartstones that had the qualities she described. None of them were quite as stark as the leader and the mage¡¯s, but Garth got the idea. He could also tell that the ovoid shape of the mage¡¯s Heartstone favored speed as well as two mental Attributes.


    ¡°Does having multiple attributes on a stone limit its potency?¡±


    ¡°Correct. The potency is dictated by the clarity, divided by the ratio of the attributes displayed. There are specialized tools and techniques out there to tell you exactly what you¡¯ll get out of them, but it¡¯s easy enough to eyeball a stone¡¯s quality. Only Alchemists and Enchanters need to know the precise amount of energy in a Heartstone.¡±


    Once they were done for the night, Sandi curled around the fire, and Garth used her main body¡¯s underbelly as an invisible sofa, leaning against the soft flesh as he counted the day¡¯s haul. Thirty eight stones, fourty seven bad guys. Sandi had already eaten nine of them in her bloodlust.


    Itet sat across from them, two of her arms cleaning arrows while the other two tended what looked like roast venison on a stick, it seemed.


    ¡°What happened to your mom telling you not to hurt people?¡± Garth asked as he divvied up the stones, prioritizing colored mental stones for himself.


    Sandi¡¯s Lure snuggled up against him, her soft flesh warm under her clothes.


    ¡°My dad told me that if I ever did get into a fight, that I shouldn¡¯t take any prisoners. That and my mom told not to play with my food.¡±


    ¡°Huh, was your dad a fighter?¡±


    ¡°No, he¡¯s an Oroyan, he owns a farm one layer in. I grew up next to Brian¡¯s farm, actually. My dad said the Dungeons were reaching the end of their legal working period, and that there was gonna be a really bad economic downturn and me and my sisters should seek our fortunes elsewhere.¡±


    ¡°Farm girl, huh?¡± Garth said, picturing Sandi in a cowboy hat and chaps. That suited him just fine. ¡°What¡¯s an Oroyan, if you don¡¯t mind my asking?¡±


    ¡°Kind of a land octopus I guess. He¡¯s really smart.¡±


    Garth chuckled. ¡°Your dad¡¯s a tentacle monster.¡±


    ¡°Is not.¡± Sandi pinched his ribs.


    ¡°Close enough.¡±


    Garth set aside sixteen Heartstones and stood, bringing them over to Itet. The insect-person paused, staring at him silently as he held the gemstones toward her in his cupped hands.


    ¡°Are you offering those to me?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Yeah. A third, right? I know you only took out a few of them, but it made all the difference.¡±


    ¡°The deal was for one third of the bandit¡¯s Mythic Cores.¡±


    ¡°The spirit of the deal, the way I see it, was a third of whatever they had.¡±


    Itet studied him in silence again, antennae waving.


    ¡°Very well.¡± She reached out and received her share without complaint.


    ¡°Now,¡± Garth said, sitting down in front of her. ¡°How do you feel about another Core to watch our backs?¡±


    Tzetin are a strongly matriarchal race of insectoid people, with two feet and four arms, each with hands with opposable thumbs. While they have an overabundance of tool-using hands, their lack of creativity and initiative dampens their future as inventors and smiths. Instead, their four limbs and excellent eyesight make them famous bow and swordswomen, among the most deadly in the Inner spheres.


    They have a strong bond with their Hive, and will blindly follow the orders of their Queen. Their governmental system makes for incredibly efficient economies on the small scale, but the race is poor at delegation, making large governments less than ideal.


    Perhaps as an unfortunate consequence of their blind devotion to their queen and kin, Tzetin have very little suspicion of strangers and tend to be taken advantage of. This happens so often, some kind souls have spread rumors that to deceive a Tzetin is to invite bad luck in order to prevent the uneducated from taking advantage.


    The females of the species seem to be infertile without some kind of initiation ceremony preformed by the previous generation''s queen. This author was unable to get any information on what such a ceremony might be, only that it exists. This bottleneck makes the spread of Tzetin as a species rather slow, putting them firmly in the exotic races category. -Exotic Races of the Inner Spheres.

 Chapter 30: Fire Solves Problems

    Forestwalk proficiency has reached 45%!


    The trip to the outpost was an uneventful one, Garth spent the two days practicing two things: channeling mana closer and closer to a Mythic Core, and creating a substitute for Hyper-Fertility. Most of Garth¡¯s combat preparedness hinged on that one ability, and without it, he was practically gimped.


    He tried to copy what he¡¯d seen Beladia¡¯s mana doing to the plant he¡¯d touched with it. It was crude, but after a few tries, he got a seedling to emerge in a half hour of struggle. Without Beladia, the spell was infinitely more difficult. It wasn¡¯t so much the messing with the plant that was hard, it was the localized time dilation. Basically, he was providing nutrients and energy to the plant, but also casting a specialized version of the Haste spell on it.


    Garth was able to carefully review his memories and pick apart some of how the ability worked on a fundamental level, with an unexpected benefit.


    ¡°You have spontaneously manifested Haste! Proficiency 0.08%¡±


    Ouch.


    You have spontaneously manifested Plant Growth! Proficiency 10%


    Sometimes the Status band annoyed him. He knew he¡¯d figured out the spells, but he supposed knowing for sure that he was on the right track was helpful in its own way.


    With a little fiddling, he found that the Haste spell, as it stood, allowed him one extra second of perceived time for each thirty seconds of real time. Not enough to make a big difference for the amount of concentration it took to manage, but once his mastery was higher, it could come in handy.


    Since Garth¡¯s plan for a lasting business model was still in agriculture, he set aside the Haste spell, as cool as it was, and focused the rest of the trip on sniping different plants with the Plant Growth and Control Plant spells from Sandi¡¯s back as they traveled.


    The Mythic cores dwindles as they came closer to the Outpost, already snagged by Prospectors, until they stopped even bothering to check any burned circles in the distance.


    ¡°I¡¯m glad this happened in the spring.¡± Garth remarked, letting Wilson call his targets.


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡±


    Wilson pointed at a stand of grass, then a second later did a head fake and motioned to a tall tree, forcing Garth to cut the spell short and re-weave it from scratch. There was no visible difference on the plants themselves unless you were paying really close attention, but Garth was getting some good practice.


    ¡°Wildfires would have made it a nightmare to retrieve cores in the summer.¡±


    ¡°There are legends among my Hive of a dungeon that was flooded shortly after it came down from the sky, allowing its growth to continue unchecked, nearly destroying the planet. A wildfire would be similarly¡­sub-optimal.¡±


    ¡°Sometimes you just get unlucky.¡± Garth said, glaring at a pine cone on the side of their path, by the time Sandi had left it behind, he¡¯d managed to force a five inch seedling out of it.


    Speaking of luck, they¡¯d more than their fair share of it. Fifteen Mythic cores was astronomical by anyone¡¯s reckoning. It made Garth wonder why they were so valuable, being so easy to pluck off the ground. Although if you only got a few days to do it once every thousand years or so, then had to spread them around to satisfy the demands of the entire multiverse, it might make them a little rarer.


    ***


    ¡°How many times do we have to go through this?¡± Garth said, wafting a Mythic Core beneath the magical shopkeep¡¯s piglike nose. The squat, fat humanoid with a mouth like a catfish inhaled deeply as the golden orb passed under his nose, as though he could smell its value.


    ¡°You. Were. Robbed.¡±


    ¡°But.¡± The shopkeep¡¯s eyes widened as Garth produced a second orb, twirling them in his fingers. It was a useless skill, but Garth thought it made him look a little something like the late David Bowie. All he needed was a lot of hairspray and really tight tights. Wilson could be a goblin.


    He was standing in the shop of the man selling spells and magical accessories to Outpost 3516, a ramshackle little box with a treasure trove of spells inside. Just from what Garth could see from this side of the counter, there was an incredible selection of magical tomes, and Garth wanted the ones that required background checks.


    These were the ones with an inherent ability for misuse. Surprisingly attack spells didn¡¯t fall into this category, since they were simply on par with weapons. No, the restrictions were on spells that could allow people to infiltrate secure locations like Teleport, or subvert government officials, like Mind Control.


    ¡°But, if you¡¯re caught with one without official documentation, You¡¯ll be killed.¡± The pig-man stammered.


    Itet leaned against the rough wooden wall of the business, watching them impassively. She¡¯d disappeared after arriving at the outpost, then simply wandered back, finding them a few hours later, claiming to not know anyone better than them. Garth wasn¡¯t sure, but her posture seemed a lot more¡­relaxed than it had been before.


    while Sandi oohed and aahed, her Lure prancing around and poking at the various magical trinkets. She held a vial of some mysterious liquid up to the light, tilting her head as she studied its pretty blue water in the lamplight.


    The delicate cap on the vial broke and the damn thing slipped out of her hands, splattering all over the front of her shirt. Sandi gave a yelp as the fabric began to conform to her breasts, giving everyone a pretty good idea of what she was packing inside that shirt.


    She started brushing the liquid off with her fingers, merely succeeding in spreading it around rather than getting much of it off of her. She lifted her wet fingers to her lips and took an experimental lick before raising her shirt and wringing it out. If you looked hard enough, you could just barely see what was under there¡­


    ¡°Hey!¡± Garth said, snapping his fingers in front of the pig-man. Partly to get him to focus, and partly for Wilson¡¯s benefit. The lizard wasn¡¯t even paying attention to the conversation, and that meant Garth wasn¡¯t paying attention to the conversation. He could hardly convince the shopkeeper to break the law if they were both constantly distracted.


    Maybe Sandi could do better convincing him than me. Garth thought, sparing her one more glance. Sandi was currently trying to pick up the pieces of the vial from the floor, facing them on her hands and knees, her jeans dangerously low, and revealing her thong. The front of her shirt was semi-clear, showing her breasts swaying just inside that thin transparent container...


    Maybe not.


    ¡°Are you doing that on purpose?¡± Garth called over his shoulder.


    ¡°Huh?¡± she asked, glancing up at them. She looked a little sheepish when she saw Garth¡¯s expression. ¡°I was getting a little bored?¡±


    ¡°I think this¡¯ll go faster if you try not to distract us. You¡¯re making it hard to concentrate.¡±


    ¡°It is hard.¡± The pig man nodded, eyes drifting away from Garth again.


    ¡°But I wanna watch you make yourself a legend, like you said you were gonna do!¡± Sandi pouted.


    ¡°This is the boring part, I promise.¡±


    Garth glanced over at Itet, whose antennae were wiggling vigorously.


    ¡°Is that amusement?¡±


    ¡°Yes, with a bit of disdain,¡± she said.


    Good to know, Garth thought adding it to his list of Tzetin body language expressions.


    Amusement/Disdain


    Most of their body language had two messages: a primary and a secondary. The primary being stronger, while the secondary added flavor, allowing for a bit of subtlety, or even downright sarcasm.


    Garth rolled his eyes and turned back to the shopkeep.


    ¡°Look.¡± He said, capturing his attention once again with a Mythic Core. ¡°Do you know how much one of these is worth on the open market?¡±


    ¡°The Office of Acquisitions offers a five million credit bounty for each one.¡± The shopkeeper said.


    ¡°If you wanna settle cheap, sure. Even if you did settle for that rather than trying to resell it on your own, this one Core is worth more than all your shop combined. Two of them¡­ you¡¯d be set for life.¡±


    ¡°But it¡¯s illegal.¡±


    Garth sighed internally. He really wished he¡¯d been able to find someone with more flexible morals in the outpost with access to restricted spells. Kinetha would have been on board. On second thought, she would have killed him for trying to burn her books. This guy, though, he had the lazy look about him, but Garth had to hold his hand and walk him through it, build his confidence enough to bribe him.


    ¡°No one has to know.¡± Garth said very slowly. ¡°You sell me the books. We burn your shop down, then you turn the Cores in, and claim you found them later on your own, desperate after the unfortunate loss of your business. Are you insured against fire?¡±


    The pig man shook his head.


    ¡°Even better. No one will guess that you lit the fire yourself.¡±


    ¡°The law has truth spells¡­¡±


    ¡°The law,¡± Garth said dismissively. ¡°Have you seen a whole hell of a lot of law and order around these parts? This is still the very beginning of this stage, everyone¡¯s scrabbling to get theirs, offing each other left and right. You think fifty years from now anybody¡¯s gonna remember that one shop that burned down and think it¡¯s worth digging into the richest man in town¡¯s background, huh?¡±


    ¡°The richest?¡±


    ¡°If you play your cards right.¡± Unlikely, but Garth wasn¡¯t going to tell him that.


    The pig-man hesitated.


    ¡°Women like this one coming to you.¡± Garth said, pulling Sandi¡¯s Lure away from another table full of breakable equipment by her belt loop. He spun her to face the counter. She stood stock still eyes wide and guilty, holding a tiny apparatus that looked a bit like a watch with a landscape of frolicking animals on it. Probably planning on breaking it, too.


    ¡°And best of all,¡± he whispered, leaning forward. ¡°No one gets hurt.¡±


    ****


    It was less than an hour later that the three of them stood watching the city guard desperately trying to organize a bucket brigade to put the fire out. It was far too late, the shopkeeper¡¯s sales records had already been destroyed, along with his remaining inventory.


    ¡°Why is your first instinct to cover a wicked deed to conceal it with fire?¡± Itet asked. ¡°And how can no one suffer in an arrangement meant to circumvent the law? I understand very little of what went on there, but it was nevertheless eye-opening.¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°Glad I could show you a thing or two about being shady. It comes naturally to humans. As for the fire thing, you know I was offered patronage by Hastia and Entramond. They must¡¯ve liked the cut of my gib. Holy crap, that makes so much sense.¡±


    ¡°I am unfamiliar with that expression.¡± Itet said.


    Garth stopped to ponder whether or not there were deeper reasons for those particular gods to offer their patronage. Maybe he was more suited to them rather than simply gaining their notice in passing. Garth liked fire. He liked money, but not enough to work really hard at it or hurt people, at least before the world went to shit. What did Beladia see in him though? he didn¡¯t even have a houseplant.


    ¡°So why¡¯d you come back, anyway? Looking for more handouts?¡±


    Itet wiggled her antennae in the motion Garth understood to mean No/Irritation.


    ¡°I sent the Mythic Cores to my Hive and used the ethernet to inform them of my failure to protect my hivemates. My Queen has banished me until I learn how to be a¡­ person of less than honest nature.¡±


    ¡°A scumbag?¡± Garth asked. ¡°You think I¡¯m a scumbag.¡±


    ¡°You are a human. It comes naturally to you, yes?¡±

 Chapter 31: Never Interrupt me When I’m Rich!

    Once Garth noticed the correlation between Spell Theory and learning new spells, he decided to learn a bunch of them rather than spend tons of time on any one in particular. Spell Theory provided a substantial boost to the learning speed of spells, along with proficiency gain, and how difficult it was to create his own. By raising it as high as he could, he could save years of time when he went back and mastered each of the spells individually, with a broader understanding of Spellcraft in general.


    Mana Channel proficiency has reached 78%!


    Mana Wielding proficiency has reached 89%!


    You have learned Teleport! Proficiency .05%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 15%!


    You have learned Fly! Proficiency 4%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 17%!


    You have learned Polymorph! Proficiency 5%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 20%!


    You have learned Shrink! Proficiency 1%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 23%!


    You have learned Summon Nature Spirit! Proficiency 20%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 28%!


    You have learned Force Shield! Proficiency 2%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 29%!


    You have Learned Fireball! Proficiency 4%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 33%!


    You have learned Telekinesis! Poficiency 1%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 35%!


    You have Learned Magic Jar! Proficiency 3%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 38%!


    Ooh, Magic Jar, Garth thought as he ran through the pages of the book that described a way to prepare a special container to house the caster¡¯s soul. Maybe if he could combine it with a modified Control Plants spell, he could give Wilson a body. While it was true Wilson could move things, it was demanding on him, and he didn¡¯t do it more than a couple times a day with light objects. With a real body, the lizard could actually soak up some damage ¨C errr, be part of the team.


    ¡­¡­..


    ¡°This is so boring!¡± Sandi said, idly feeding her sundew a cricket at the caf¨¦¡¯s polished table.


    Garth looked up from the Magic Jar spellbook and set down his imported Ixellian coffee, glancing over at Itet, who made a Tzetin shrug before snapping off another bite of imported sweetroot with her mandibles. She was going to rot them eating that stuff.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± Garth asked Sandi, checking the time and tossing another alchemically purified Heartstone in his mouth. One every four hours for maximum effect. They were sitting in the closest thing to a fancy restaurant remaining on Earth, a polished wood caf¨¦ with nice rocking chairs and excellent Inner Sphere coffee in Outpost 3504


    ¡°When you said you were gonna become a legend and fight the system, I didn¡¯t think it was just gonna be two weeks of running from outpost to outpost, making lots of money, sending letters and hiring lawyers. And So. Much. Reading!¡±


    ¡°We get attacked every now and then.¡± Garth said, shooing Wilson away from his coffee. He knew if Wilson got a sip of the stuff, he¡¯d be literally bouncing off the walls for hours. Which was weird considering anything Wilson ate was actually going into Garth. How did that work?


    Every once in awhile going from outpost to outpost, people did try to rob them, but it was hardly common. Most people saw a guy riding something invisible cruising at about 70mph and just¡­went the other way. The rest of them were easily picked off by Itet before they could start trouble. For the most part their trips were pretty safe, one day hops between towns.


    Garth was pretty sure they¡¯d gotten far enough away from Harold that they could afford to relax a little, setting up franchises across the Midwest. Maybe they could find a nice beach and settle down in L.A. before people reclaimed it from the Kipling. Nobody said a wizard had to live in a dank and dusky tomb.


    It hadn¡¯t even been a month, and Garth was looking at a seven figure income. The thing that worried him the most was the complete radio silence from Beladia. What did she mean by the Gate was closing? The Gate to and from the Inner Spheres was still open albeit restricted to Citizens of the Inner Sphere, which Garth was not.


    The lawyers were part of the process of making him a citizen, actually. There were a lot of things Garth wasn¡¯t allowed to do as a non-citizen, and being a legitimate business owner, landowner, voter, and personally appealing to the Senate were all things that made it on the list.


    All necessary things for his plan to keep Earth¡­if not independent, at least not under crushing debt like most of the Hives on Itet¡¯s planet. Although, to be fair, Tzetin were incredibly gullible, so Earth probably wouldn¡¯t get that bad.


    ¡°And I mean, why did you even register us as an adventuring party if we don¡¯t do any actual adventuring?¡± Sandi demanded


    ¡°Tax benefits.¡± Itet said. She was learning well. The bug girl took a sip of her coffee, copying Garth as she leaned back in her seat, trying to learn his ways through mimicry. Coffee was the only way to get caffeine reliably nowadays, and while coffee wasn¡¯t Garth¡¯s thing, he did need the caffeine.


    ¡°The cores have already formed rat, slime, plant and insect dungeons! We could be harvesting rare materials, you could practice on plant monsters, or we could find a mutated dungeon that has traces of mithril ore, gold or orihalcum in the walls! If you stake a claim on one of those, you¡¯ll be set for life!¡±


    ¡°We already are set for life.¡±


    ¡°Farming! I grew up on a farm!¡±


    ¡°We have people to farm for us. And I don¡¯t think you would enjoy digging ore out of the ground every day, either. It would get old fast.¡±


    ¡°With that much money, we could have people..to..dig¡­for us.¡± Sandi blinked, realizing the direction her thoughts were going. ¡°Shut up.¡±


    ¡°Besides, you got to see the Grand Canyon, didn¡¯t you? And Yellowstone?¡± Garth said, flipping through the pages of his book.


    ¡°Yeah¡­those were cool,¡± Sandi admitted.


    ¡°Well over the next couple weeks, I¡¯m thinking about hitting L.A. and seeing what the situation is like there. Should be a lot of survivors, just based on numbers. Although I bet most of them starved to death the day after the Kipling came. Heh. Have you ever been to the beach?¡±


    ¡°Sure, my dad took us out to fish all the time.¡±


    ¡°Oh, did you ever do any swimming?¡±


    ¡°No, it was way too cold to swim!¡±


    ¡°Then you¡¯ve never been to the beach. Trust me, you¡¯re going to like L.A., and L.A. is gonna like you.¡±


    Who was he kidding, a man-eating monster in the shape of an incredibly beautiful woman? She¡¯d fit right in. Except Sandi was more tolerable.


    ***


    Travelling through the desert was a lot harder than Garth thought it would be, relying on a Spider-oak to pick up the slack when they rested while the hot sun was overhead. Forestwalk didn¡¯t do much on the arid, dusty rock.


    They were cruising through a little abandoned suburb in Nevada around dusk, on their way to California when Garth saw it. A perfectly happy pot plant sitting in the window of some hippie¡¯s house. It must have had some kind of drip irrigation system, because even after a month, it still looked healthy. As a matter of fact, it looked positively ripe. The leaves were a deep green, and he could make out the little white hairs from here.


    ¡°Hold on a second, Sandi,¡± Garth said, holding up his hand and causing her to slow to a stop. ¡°I gotta go¡­loot someone¡¯s house.¡±


    ¡°Help yourself, I¡¯m gonna go relax.¡± Sandi said. Itet followed her to the back of the house, where they settled in for a game of cards. Itet was dilligently trying to learn how to cheat. It didn''t help that Sandi had a remarkable field of view, and would sometimes look over her shoulder with her main body. Itet hadn''t even suspected that yet. She still had a long way to go.


    Garth walked up to the brick house with the white paint, white door. Any little thing to deflect heat away from the house in the desert. He glanced around the suburb and didn¡¯t see anyone else watching him, So he gently tried the door.


    Locked. Not unexpected.


    Garth closed his eyes and focused on the mana in the air, guiding it to coil around the deadbolt, sliding it back until he heard a click. This time when he turned the knob, the door slid open easily.


    Goddamn did Telekinesis make his life easier. Garth was pretty sure he was going to get fat if he wasn¡¯t careful with it. He could only lift and move small, unmoving things relatively clumsily right now, but he saw a lot of room for improvement.


    The stink of marijuana permeated the house, and paraphernalia practically dripped from the walls. There was an open piece of wax paper on the coffee table in front of the sofa, with a suspicious brown resin in the center of it. There was a dab rig sitting next to it, along with an uneaten pizza crust.


    Whoever lived here knew his shit. Not like Garth, who was still pretty grade-school in terms of his stoner knowledge. You smoked pot, and you got shaky, sounds and sights started having more meaning to them, you got couchlock, or maybe a little paranoid. Food tasted better.


    That was about the extent that Garth knew about pot, having driven a couple times with his friends to have some. It was fun, but the paranoia and feeling a little stupid a full day afterwards was a bit of a deal breaker for Garth.


    Still, it was a popular drug, and with Design Plant, he could do things that your average grower could only dream of. Maybe even make a strain that fit Garth like a glove.


    He was lost in thought about all the awesome things he could do with a ready supply of THC, when he noticed that the plant in the window had no drip irrigation system. It was being watered by hand.


    Garth leaned down and pressed on the pizza crust on the cluttered table. It squished down under his finger. Someone had been here in the last few hours.


    A screeching battle cry filled the air, startling Garth out of his hypothetical sleuthing. A skinny old man with a shock of white hair and tattoos coming from the collar of his shirt charged Garth, a wooden chair raised high.


    ¡°Wait, I-¡° Garth tried to speak, blocking the chair with his hands. The old man¡¯s strength and speed were nothing to write home about, and compared to Garth, who¡¯d been buying Ability points with money the last couple weeks, they were the flailings of a child.


    A vicious, angry, mean-spirited child with a heavy wooden chair aiming for his delicate parts.


    Undeterred, the old man swung the chair up again, taking another good shot at Garth, and another, before he finally managed to snatch the chair out of the man¡¯s fingers. He was going to have bruises to remind him of this encounter for days.


    ¡°You¡¯re not gonna eat me, you goddamn hellspawn!¡± The old guy shouted, diving behind the sofa while Garth looked on incredulously.


    ¡°Excuse me, I¡¯m sorry to break in to your house, I just thought nobody was alive. I don¡¯t want to hurt you, and I don¡¯t want to get hurt, so let¡¯s just talk, okay?¡± Garth said to the motionless sofa. There was no response. The dark brown upholstery shifted once, but other than that, nothing.


    ¡°We can talk this out sir. I¡¯ll get out of your house and we can just talk, okay?¡± Garth said, edging around the sofa in the direction of the door. Leaving the guy¡¯s house and letting him confront Garth on his own terms would do wonders for de-escalating the situation.


    Garth peered behind the sofa as he moved, expecting to find the man cowering behind or underneath the upholstered furniture. What he was not expecting to find was a trap door in the floor, leading into a black abyss under the house.


    Not interested in finding out where that leads, Garth thought, shaking his head. Wilson seemed to agree. Anyone crazy enough to build a bolt-hole into their living room floor was not the kind of guy you wanted to screw with on his own turf. Good way to get shot. Garth was pretty sure he hadn¡¯t gotten that tough yet.


    ¡°I¡¯m leaving!¡± Garth shouted, hoping the guy heard him from god-knows-where. He slowly backed out the door, his hands raised.


    Garth was backing out the door slowly when he spotted the old man across the yard, peeking out from behind his neighbor¡¯s white-painted house, leveling a shiny new handgun on him. His heart leapt into his throat.

 Chapter 32: Opera makes Pot Fancy and Expensive

    ¡°How can you talk?¡± the old man asked, his eyes narrowed as Garth slowly turned to face him, keeping his hands raised. With his newly superhuman sight, Garth could make out that the gun¡¯s safety was indeed OFF.


    Might as well take care of that, Garth thought, using Telekinesis to flip the toggle back to the ON position.


    Telekinesis proficiency has reached 3%!


    ¡°I¡¯m human,¡± Garth said, hands still up. ¡°Just look weird because of all the shit going down recently. I mean, you¡¯ve probably seen some weird shit yourself, right?¡±


    ¡°I saw the people-eaters tear through the neighborhood, then fuck off to greener pastures. Thought I wouldn¡¯t have to deal with anything after that.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re really missing out, guy. There¡¯s a lot more going on just a few miles distant.¡± Garth pointed toward the nearest outpost.


    ¡°It¡¯s Clark Simmons.¡±


    ¡°Clark, my name¡¯s Garth Daniels. I was just wandering by, hoping to check out L.A. maybe get some land while property values are cheap, you know?¡±


    Clark scoffed, his eyes running up and down Garth¡¯s outfit and lack of obvious weaponry before he holstered his gun, stepping out from behind the house.


    ¡°You go to a crowded place like that, it¡¯s just asking to get killed, you know? Better to settle down somewhere like here.¡± He motioned to his house in the middle of the desert. ¡°Where nobody¡¯s gonna try killing you for your little piece of dirt. You don¡¯t seem like you¡¯d last more than a few hours in L.A.¡±


    ¡°I think I could do just fine,¡± Garth said as the sound of Sandi running over entered his ears.


    ¡°Garth! What¡¯s going on?¡±


    Clark tensed, almost reaching for his gun as Sandi and Itet approached, but he seemed to think better of it, relaxing his hand away from the gun as itet pulled out her bow.


    ¡°I can see what you mean by missing out.¡± He said, eyeing the bug girl, who seemed to be watching Clark and his gun especially closely.


    ¡°This is Clark, he¡¯s okay. He decided not to shoot me when I broke into his house. He¡¯s cool.¡± Garth attempted to further de-escalate the situation.


    ¡°I¡¯ll believe that when I see it.¡± Itet said. ¡°Not a fan of¡­guns.¡±


    Garth saw something in her antennae wiggles but he wasn¡¯t sure exactly what it was. Sadness maybe? Guilt?


    ¡°What¡¯s a gun?¡± Sandi chimed in. Of all the people here, Garth expected a gun would have the least meaning to her.


    ¡°It¡¯s a weapon.¡± Itet said.


    ¡°My bad. So what do you folks want?¡± Clark said, keeping his hand away from his pistol.


    ¡°I was walking by and spotted your plant and was hoping for a cutting, is all.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Oh really?¡± Clark asked, his white brow raised. ¡°How much do you know about pot, kid?¡±


    ¡°Not much,¡± Garth answered with a shrug, glancing at the leafy plant in the window. ¡°But I know that one is a hybrid of Green Crack with an unnamed Indica from afghanistan. It has sixteen percent THC and twelve percent CBD, and it¡¯s great for sex because of a specific cocktail of fifteen drugs that I¡¯m only just now seeing. I¡¯m thinking you were trying to go for a more relaxed high and wound up getting a sex machine?¡±


    Clark, Itet and Sandi stared at Garth.


    ¡°How do you know that?¡± Clark asked, his mouth falling open.


    ¡°I can see it, plain as day.¡± Garth motioned to the potted pot plant in the window. Plant Analysis was weird. To describe the way it felt¡­ It was like being so high that sights register as sounds. He could see the information in the shape of the stalk and leaves, the color, the size, but it felt like a voice whispering all the plant¡¯s dirty little secrets in his ear. It almost sounded like Beladia. It was kinda hot.


    Wilson gave him a weird look, and Garth shook his head, dismissing that train of thought.


    ¡°It¡¯s part of the¡­¡± Garth motioned to his purple skin. ¡°shit that¡¯s been going on recently.¡±


    Clark absorbed that for a moment, looking at Garth thoughtfully. ¡°I think you need to see something.¡±


    ***


    ¡°Wow.¡± Garth¡¯s gaze ran across table after table of enormous pot plants, with camouflage netting above them to divert some of the heat and light of the Nevada sun. All of this was staged just behind the man¡¯s house, beside a hand-pumped well rigged to deliver water to all of them at once through a strategically leak hose.


    ¡°Wow is right. After the power went out and the critters buggered off, it took me three days to move the operation into the sun. Nearly lost half my damn strains.¡± Clark stood beside Garth with his hands on his hips, apparently deriving vicarious enjoyment from Garth¡¯s astonishment.


    ¡°I just have one question.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°Why keep this up when the world ended?¡± Garth asked.


    Clark¡¯s shoulders tightened for a moment before he slumped with a sigh. ¡°Well, at first it was because I thought maybe it was an isolated incident. Maybe if I carried on like normal, one day the national guard or something is gonna come rolling through in tanks and I can give each of those boys a nice sticky joint for saving my ass. Made me feel like I still got a country to call home.¡±


    He glanced over at Itet, who was still watching him cautiously. ¡°Now I¡¯m not so sure. As for why I kept it up¡­labor of love, I guess.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said, spotting a particularly fine specimen that was whispering to him. ¡°May I?¡±


    ¡°Knock yourself out.¡±


    Garth walked up to the plant that was promising him the most interesting effects and had the seven foot tall pot plan lean towards him with Control Plant, offering him a branch. Garth snapped off the small branch while Clark looked on with a frown.


    Plant Growth


    In Garth¡¯s hand, the branch bloomed and budded out, becoming heavy in his fingers. Garth kept it up until the seeds were easy to shake out into his cupped palm. Once that was done, he put the pot seeds into his bandolier and tossed aside the quickly drying branch.


    When Garth turned back to Clark, he had to suppress a yelp, as the old man was only inches away from his face, having watched the entire process over his shoulder. Garth felt the old man¡¯s rough hands seize his. Itet tensed.


    ¡°How did you do that?¡± Clark demanded. ¡°Can you show me?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± Garth said, pulling out one of the seeds and sprouting it in his hand. Under Clark¡¯s disbelieving gaze, the roots wrapped around Garth¡¯s palm, and the seven foot tall bush soared into the sky.


    ¡°Holy God almighty Jesus Christ in all the nine hells how the fuck did you do that?¡± Clark asked, his speech slipping into his native country boy accent as rambled.


    ¡°I¡¯m what¡¯s known as a phytomagus. The new world we¡¯re in has different laws of physics that allow people like you and me to do magic.¡±


    ¡°¡­Can I learn how to do that?¡± Clark asked.


    Garth thought about it. One more Beladia follower would probably be a drop in the bucket, but it certainly wouldn¡¯t hurt. A lack of apostles might even be the reason she¡¯d been cut off.


    ¡°You got a pen and paper?¡± Garth asked.


    ***


    ¡°Okay, so become an apostle of Beladia when and if possible, choose the phytomagus class if possible for Plant Analysis and Mana sight.¡± Clark said, his pen ticking beside all the bullet points Garth had given him.


    ¡°I need a Status band, the spells Plant Growth, Design plant, and Control plant. And that¡¯s it?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s it.¡± Garth said, maturing Clark¡¯s crop and having them store themselves in labelled baskets. ¡°Oh, and make sure you buy and eat plenty of Heartstones to raise your ability to do this stuff. You can probably miss one or two of those things, but for maximum effect you want all of ¡®em.¡±


    ¡°Great.¡± Clark said, making another note before tearing off the piece of paper from his notebook, folding the little yellow square into eighths and sliding it into his front pocket. Shortly afterward, he began stacking the bud into a massive backpack while Garth returned to Sandi and Itet, who were chatting in the shade.


    ¡°We¡¯re gonna head back to the last outpost,¡± Garth said, pointing a thumb at Clark, ¡°Make sure he gets there safe, then keep going to L.A.¡±


    ¡°Why would you do that for him?¡± Itet asked.


    ¡°Because it¡¯s the right thing to do.¡± Garth said with his arms crossed. Wilson bit him on the ear.


    ¡°Agh! Okay!¡± Garth pulled Wilson away from his earlobe. In the last couple weeks, Sandi and Itet had gotten used to his sudden behavioral tics. They almost didn¡¯t look at him like he was crazy.


    ¡°It¡¯s also because I¡¯m going to be a private investor in his attempts to expand his pot business to the natives of the Inner Spheres.¡±


    ¡°Ah, that¡¯s more like you.¡± Itet said, nodding.


    ¡°I can be nice and practical. Clark got a great deal! He was practically glowing!¡±


    Garth was half sure that they were pretty much trying to trade seashells to these people in exchange for gold, but who knew? Maybe in the presumably trillions or more habitable plants in countless universes, nobody had ever cultivated anything better than pot.


    Yeah right.


    Still, it was a curiousity from a new planet, so it would probably hold people¡¯s attention for a time. If Clark could market it aggressively enough, he could create a thriving business. Maybe market it as fancy and convince people to use it during operas? That actually sounded not half bad.


    Garth could easily imagine upper crust people toking on fancy pipes filled with pot to get through yet another boring show they¡¯d been dragged to. Yeah, that might work.


    Itet raised a hand, getting his attention.


    ¡°What¡¯s so great about this plant, anyway?¡± Sandi asked, drawing a grin out of Garth.


    ¡°I¡¯ll show you.¡±


    ***


    ¡°This ¡®pizza¡¯ dish is remarkable. I can feel the oils frolicking on my taste-spear. How can it be sweet, salty, savory, crunchy, and soft all at once?¡± Itet said, her mandibles snipping off chunks of Clark¡¯s homemade pizza.


    The old man had an entire basement full of flour, canned tomato paste and preserved meats and cheeses for whenever he had the munchies. He¡¯d actually been living off them for the last month, which said a lot about how often that happened.


    The Tzetin was sprawled on the couch between Garth and Clark, her thorax under the coffee table. It didn¡¯t look comfortable to Garth, but she didn¡¯t seem to be complaining.


    ¡°That¡¯s just how Earth pizza is. If there¡¯s one things humans know good, it¡¯s food.¡± Garth neglected to mention that a good portion of her newfound senses probably came from the pot. Let her figure that out on her own, and just enjoy the buzz. ¡°We¡¯re gluttonous bastards. Well, Americans are, anyway.¡±


    ¡°Guys!¡± Sandi¡¯s voice came from outside the house. The sun had gone down, but Garth could make out where her real body lay outside the window, making a depression in the gravel of Clark¡¯s front yard.


    ¡°Guys I¡¯m so hungry. Give me a slice of pizza too! Or like, five Bantas. Could you imagine how they would taste if you covered them in garlic honey first? Kolath, that sounds amazing!¡±


    ¡°I said you¡¯re not coming in until you¡¯re yourself again!¡± Garth stood, shouting at the door. He was never letting Sandi smoke pot again, for safety reasons. She¡¯d been eyeing Clark with a hungry stare, and acting a bit uninhibited before Garth had banished her from the room. uninhibited was a dangerous state for someone like that to be in.


    ¡°But I¡¯m hungry! I promise I won¡¯t lick you again.¡± she whined.


    ¡°You ate yesterday Sandi and you know it!¡± Succubi could go weeks without eating, and they certainly shouldn¡¯t feel hungry again the day after. Let alone lick people.


    Silence descended from the other side of the door, then she spoke again.


    ¡°I¡¯m tired. When did I lay down?¡±


    ¡°Just take a nap. You¡¯ll feel better in the morning.¡±


    ¡°Okay I guess, but you¡¯re getting me garlic honey Bantas when we get to the outpost tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± Garth said, sitting back down on the recliner and picking up a slice of the delicious smelling pizza. It was a simple meat cheese and sauce on homemade bread affair, but it was the closest thing to real food he¡¯d had in weeks, since the Inner sphere¡¯s apparently didn¡¯t have tomatoes, that magical fruit that made everything freaking amazing. Note: Sell tomatoes to Inner Spheres.


    Wilson took another hit of his joint, the lizard¡¯s head bobbing in time to some music only he could hear. Jerk¡¯s gonna make me completely unable to function. But what the hell, it was a party. It wasn¡¯t like they had anywhere to be. The closest kipling was hundreds of miles away, there just wasn¡¯t anything for the flesh eaters to drink around here, not knowing how to use pumps and all.


    As long as they didn¡¯t let Sandi in, no one could get hurt¡­probably.


    As Garth was lining up the first bite of the stone-fired pizza, a skittering sound of claws against the window caught his attention. Garth snapped his gaze up and looked at the window, but there was nothing. Maybe that was Sandi?


    ¡°You guys hear that?¡±


    ¡°Hear what?¡± Clark said, exhaling a long stream of smoke before he was wracked with coughs. The pot must have really hit Itet hard, because the bug warrior simply stared at the coffee table, rocking back and forth, still chewing the same piece of pizza.


    ¡°Sounded like something at the window.¡± Garth said, tottering to his feet and heading to the window, pulling the joint out of Wilson¡¯s claws on the way by. Gotta stay¡­gotta stay focused. When did I become responsible for making sure everything¡¯s safe?


    ¡°Was that you, Sandi?¡± Garth asked, opening the window and looking around the neighborhood. As far as he could tell there wasn¡¯t anything out there except the Succubus. There certainly wasn¡¯t anything more dangerous, anyway.


    Sandi¡¯s Lure was lying on the gravel, one boob mostly popping out of her shirt, hair mussed up, head propped up on her palm. The Lure seemed to flicker in front of him like it couldn¡¯t decide exactly where it was, like one of those horror movies with frames removed from the monster¡¯s movements. Long story short, she looked creepy as hell.


    ¡°You got a¡­message..thing.¡± she said, pointing up.


    ¡°A what?¡± Garth said, looking up.


    A bat-winged form dropped down from the eaves and rammed into Garth, toppling him over.


    When Garth opened his eyes again, there was a little green frog-man standing on his belly, a holding a tube under his nose.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Garth¡¯s eyes slowly focused on the messenger humunculous. He¡¯d gotten used to using them in his recent correspondences with the Inner Sphere to get himself Citizenship. Maybe it was news from the lawyer. Maybe she¡¯d made a breakthrough in his case and gotten him approved ahead of schedule.


    Garth took the tube out of the messenger¡¯s hand and popped it open.


    ¡°You order something online?¡± Clark asked, eyeing the little green man. ¡°That the alien¡¯s Amazon?¡±


    ¡°I wish.¡±


    ¡°What is it?¡± Sandi asked, leaning through the window, the sill pushing her flickering breasts up into a glorious valley.


    Garth refocused, took the letter out and unrolled the scroll before clearing his throat, reading aloud for everyone¡¯s benefit.


    ¡°Garth Daniels, as a One Star Iron Soldier and the most powerful apostle of Beladia, you have received many blessings from the Inner Spheres, but those also come with responsibilities. In our long history as a free society, many threats have... Yada yada yada¡­¡± Garth skimmed through the fluff.


    It is our duty to inform you that you have¡­been¡­drafted.¡±


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound good.¡± Clark said with a frown, but Garth was too busy skimming through the letter for the highlights. At the end of the form letter was a strange paragraph.


    ¡°To assist in the dungeon subjugation on the Usinian planet in the Sphere beneath yours, You and your adventuring party will be teleported to the battlefront in five seconds.¡±


    ¡°Wait what? Sandi said, becoming alert.


    The number shifted as Garth watched, becoming a four. Oh, crap.


    3.


    2.


    ¡°Calm down and stay together.¡± Garth said, trying to rally his senses. There was nothing they could do about it now.


    1.


    A kaleidoscope of colors seared into his eyeballs as the world around him disappeared.

 Chapter 33: Working hard at Looking Chill

    Garth carefully opened his eyes and found himself standing in the medieval equivalent of a bright conference room, with bright magic lamps studded along the walls and a thick, weathered oval table in the center.


    Around the room were no less than a dozen humans of various nationalities, races and genders. Primarily male, older, and with an unsavory look. What does that say about me? Garth¡¯s Intelligence was already breaking down the common denominators behind the scene even as he struggled to get his bearings. Older, more experienced, aggressive?


    Garth was an oddball in that respect, though.


    Garth only saw two women, one of whom was Leanne, strangely enough. The other was a rather lean redheaded woman, about thirty-five, with minor burn scars on her hands, that looked like she¡¯d gotten them welding. She had a tough, dried leather look to her.


    There was an enormous Mexican fellow in plaid, a Japanese guy missing a finger, Garth¡¯s brother Jim, a skinny biker dude with no hair and tattoos all the way up to his scalp, a bearish looking man who would have looked perfect on the cover of a lumberjack calendar¡­


    One thing everyone seemed to have in common was an alpha, overachiever, cream-of the-crop type body or mentality. ¡®cept Garth.


    Wilson bit Garth¡¯s ear.


    ¡°Ow, shit! I told you to stop doing that!¡± he shouted, turning his attention to his familiar. Wilson was pointing at Jim. The six-foot-five, brown-haired, square jawed toothpaste model was watching Garth like he might grow horns and a pointy tail. To be fair, they were all watching him like that. There was no recognition in Jim¡¯s eyes, but that was probably on account of Garth¡¯s new skin and hair.


    ¡°Yeah, I see him. We¡¯ll deal with it later.¡± Garth said, looking around the room. The biggest problem Garth could see was that his party wasn¡¯t here, leaving him basically just a guy with a few amusing parlor tricks, and no real method of defending himself to speak of. There was a door at the other side of the room, and Garth considered making a dash for it, but he had a ton of unknowns between him and freedom.


    Plus, something told him these weren¡¯t the kind of people you wanted to show weakness in front of.


    That was it, Garth thought. These people remind me of Harold. Why were he, Jim and Leanne here, then? There was a little more to this particular setup that he couldn¡¯t make heads or tails of without more info.


    Without warning, the massive oak double doors at the end of the room swung open, and a grizzled shinta strode in. The normally thin frame of the blue alien was packed with muscle and covered in a dull plated metal that looked a bit like aluminum.


    Note to self, Find out if Aluminum became Mythril.


    ¡°Good morning.¡± The shinta veteran said.


    Not where I came from. Where Garth had come from it had been almost midnight, and he was high and tired so Garth doubted he was going to be able to follow a word of whatever came next.


    ¡°I am General Kenra. You¡¯re all probably wondering the exact reason you were brought here. I know the Inner Spheres Draft letters can be a little... brief, so I¡¯ll try to fill you in. Please, have a seat.¡±


    Garth shrugged and reached toward the closest chair when Leanne walked around the table and planted herself at the head, propping her feet up on the scuffed wood, at the center of attention.


    ¡°That¡¯s one way to do it.¡± Garth muttered as he sat. Gotta make a scene if you wanna be the kingpin. The skinhead whose seat had been stolen clamped his hand down on Leanne¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°Get out of my seat, jailbait.¡±


    Leanne motioned for the big guy to lean closer, and she whispered something in his ear. Garth couldn¡¯t tell what she said, but he could make out the glint of light from a blade in her palm, pressed against the man¡¯s inner thigh. The tattooed fellow straightened, glancing down at the knife to his crotch, frowned in a menacing way that suggested violence, then shrugged and backed away, taking the next seat over.


    Apparently he didn¡¯t think bleeding to death from the groin was worth making a point.


    Looks like Leanne¡¯s doing well for herself, I guess, Garth thought as he glanced around the room. It shouldn¡¯t really matter, but it rankled a bit that he wasn¡¯t the coolest guy in the room, despite having purple skin and a sharp tailored outfit. The big bearded lumberjack who sat down next to Garth must have weighed three hundred and fifty pounds, and was hovering somewhere about six-eight. The skinhead had glowing eyes, the burned lady looked like her hair was slowly burning.


    Ah, an apostle of Hastia, Garth thought. That made sense, everyone here must be an apostle of somebody. It explained all the high-end personalities.


    The lumberjack collapsed into his chair beside Garth in a casual, but manly way that said ¡®I don¡¯t always fight monsters, but when I do, I wear oldspice deodorant and smell like fresh cut wood.¡¯


    ¡°God, I¡¯m really petty when I¡¯m high.¡± Garth said, shaking his head.


    ¡°What did you say?¡± Lumberjack said beside him. the man even sounded like he had a Swedish accent. Or Norwegian. Scandinavian?


    ¡°Nothing.¡± Garth said, shaking his head. ¡°Talking to myself.¡± He offered the man his hand. ¡°I¡¯m Garth.¡±


    ¡°Nice to meet you, Garth. I¡¯m Erik¡± he said his name in that accent where he put extra emphasis on the e, making his name ee-rick. Finnish! Garth realized as he searched his drug-addled brain. The Fin¡¯s grip made Garth think he might not be getting that hand back, but a moment later the giant let go, apparently pleased enough with the handshake to give Garth an amiable grin.


    ¡°This is exciting, yes?¡±


    Garth glanced around at the other hard-bitten men and woman settling around the table before taking stock of the guy. Mr. Eerik had a long brown beard, a long coat that he was even then shrugging out of, and a neck thicker than Garth¡¯s leg. He was probably the kind of guy that had never come across a problem or person that had ever truly been too much to handle on his own. That kind of confidence was hard to fake.


    ¡°I guess it is.¡± As the wise Andre once said, ¡®It¡¯s not my fault I¡¯m the biggest and the strongest. I don¡¯t even exercise.¡¯ Garth decided not to hold anything against Erik. Garth shrugged, reached into his vest and pulled out his half-spent joint, relighting it with a tiny flame he summoned just above his thumb.


    Create fire at 4%, the new bic lighter. In the meantime Wilson was glaring at Jim with intent to harm. Garth would stop it if his familiar tried to hurt his brother. Probably.


    ¡°Alright. We haven¡¯t much time. You are all here because you are the highest preforming Apostles from Earth for each god, and we want you to lead the rest of the iron rank soldiers in the battle to keep the dungeon from spilling over into the outside. While you do that, a party of gold rank adventurers will go in and destroy the dungeon core.¡±


    ¡°Why do you need us? I hear this sort of thing happens all the time without needing our help.¡± Leanne said, leaning back in her chair. The pose was full of machismo, but it didn¡¯t quite fit her small frame. Garth could barely see her over the edge of the table.


    ¡°This is a particularly bad situation. A kipling who evolved into a Demon Lord is stalling for time, protecting the core and launching attacks on local nations, using it as a home base until the core finishes its work and strips the life of the planet from it.¡±


    Eyebrows raised around the table, and Garth managed to hold back a series of coughs.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have time to give you all a history lesson on a planet you¡¯re never coming back to, but suffice to say a noble house got greedy and kept a dungeon going far past the legal limit. A rather patient, cunning Demon Lord found out and set up shop in that same dungeon, not announcing his presence for decades. When the noble house finally tried to remove the core, they were wiped out, and the dungeon was on track to destroy the planet. According to the family¡¯s records, it had fifty-three levels, but with the Demon Lord¡¯s influence that number could be well over eighty. Once the number reaches one hundred and one, we¡¯re all toast. Once it reaches one hundred and fifteen, the planet is toast.¡±


    ¡°Why should we care? Skinhead said from his seat across from Garth.


    ¡°You should care,¡± the shinta said slowly, for his benefit. ¡°Because this planet is the closest to yours. It lies just beneath your layer of the Sphere, and if this planet becomes a tear in reality, the Earth will suffer another round of dungeon cores spawned from the breach, be disconnected from the Inner Spheres, and most importantly, have a good chance of being drawn into said tear in reality, torn to tiny pieces and be jettisoned into oblivion.¡±


    ¡°That puts it in perspective.¡± Garth said, exhaling a cloud of smoke over the table, trying to pull a Gandalf with telekinesis to shape it. All he managed to do was spread the grey cloud around. His mind-fingers were still far too clumsy to handle a vapor. That and he was fairly stoned.


    On the other hand, Garth thought as he watched Jim across the table, this isn¡¯t going to be the sort of reunion I want to be sober for anyway.


    The shinta general gave Garth an odd look and scanned the rest of the assembled humans.


    ¡°Now, if you wouldn¡¯t mind giving us an introduction. Your name, your deity and a bit about your fighting style will be fine. We need to know where to put each of you.


    Fighting style? Did he have a fighting style? Grow big trees and pound on ¡®em? Run away until I know for sure I can beat them? Is being underhanded a fighting style?


    ¡°I am Erik,¡± the lumbering lumberjack stood beside him. ¡°I am an Apostle of Terantu, the god of courage and battle. My fighting style¡­umm¡­I hit the white men with my chainsaw until they can¡¯t move, saving my family. Then I went to village hall and used my fists to remove twenty more, saving the governor, who then led our town to safety while I stayed behind to lure out more Kipling. Terantu saw this and chose me.


    God-damn! Garth thought, glancing at the big guy sitting down beside him with a placid smile. Left for a suicide mission and he didn¡¯t think anything of it. Garth had the feeling he was going to be in heroic company.


    ¡°Jim Daniels,¡± Jim said, standing up.


    Lemme guess, he led his football team to victory against the away team and saved America.


    ¡°Me and the remaining members of my football team-¡°


    No fucking way! I was totally right!


    ¡°Used homemade spears and a line formation to kill hundreds of Kipling. Afterwards, we went to the party where my girlfriend and her parents were, and managed to rescue her along with the president of the united states-¡°


    Jesus!


    ¡°and a few senators. That night I dreamed about the twin gods of fate, Elle and Markus.¡±


    A few people perked up knowing the leader of the free world was still alive, but most of them ignored it. Zero communications means zero government, like it or not. Come to think of it, I¡¯m competing against guys like that. They¡¯re gonna know how important the mail is. There¡¯s going to be fierce competition to be the only voice that all of humanity hears. I wonder if they have video in this magic world, and a way to transmit it long distances. That¡¯s the only thing that¡¯ll bring government back to the scale it used to be, and this time, I¡¯m gonna do it right.


    ¡°Tyler.¡± The skinhead said, thumbing himself. Me and my boys stole some horses from a racetrack and ran down a bunch of the freaks. Juntei or jawntie or some shit said I did good.¡± He turned his attention to Garth. ¡°You bring enough to share with the rest of the class, asshole?¡±


    As a matter of fact, he hadn¡¯t, but Garth had an idea.


    ¡°One sec,¡± Garth said, putting the remains of the joint in his mouth, popping open his bandolier and standing. Since all the attention was on him, he might as well introduce himself.


    ¡°My name¡¯s Garth Daniels,¡± he said as he turned a B-B sized seed into a sprout, its distinctive leaves spreading outwards like hands.


    ¡°I lured a bunch of Kipling into my apartment and burned it down. Beladia chose me because she felt like it, I guess.¡± The pot grew up and outward, budding at an incredible pace.


    Control Plants


    The leaves wove themselves around the bud and dried while the bud shredded itself, disconnecting from the branches. At the end, Garth had in his palm what could only be described as a miniature cigar tree


    ¡°My fighting style involves plants.¡± Garth plucked one of the blunts and lit it with Create Fire, getting it started before he held it out to Tyler. The tattooed man lightened up as he reached for it, but his expression quickly turned murderous as Garth pulled the blunt back out of reach.


    ¡°Say please.¡±


    ¡°Do you wanna die?¡±


    ¡°I want you to understand that I¡¯m not your personal drug dispenser bitch. Be absolutely clear that I could just as easily make this into a poison that could kill you in seconds, or make you so hopelessly addicted that you¡¯d offer to suck my cock for one more hit. So please Tyler, a little respect.¡±


    Garth wasn¡¯t sure whether or not he could actually do that, but he didn¡¯t want anyone getting ideas about using him like that. Times like this you gotta strut your stuff a little to prevent problems later.


    Tyler studied Garth¡¯s face for a moment, he seemed a little more wary of the blunt than before, but he seemed to reach a decision before nodding toward the blunt Christmas tree.


    ¡°Can I get one, please?¡±


    ¡°¡¯Course, Tyler.¡± Garth said, immediately letting go of the cigar, leaving it floating in midair for a moment before Garth drifted it toward him on a bed of mana with Telekinesis. Garth wanted the people in the room to find him as mysterious as possible, because if they knew that all it took to take him down was a couple well-placed punches to the face, they¡¯d lose all respect for him they might have had.


    One of the other things he did was to employ the con-man tactic of saying the mark¡¯s name over and over to build trust. Garth didn¡¯t really consider himself a con man but he would use every advantage he could think of to train the animal in front of him not to bite.


    ¡°Anyone else want one?¡± Garth asked as he and Tyler sat back in their chairs, looking around the room. Erik raised his hand, along with the Mexican and the fire-woman. He plucked and lit a blunt for each of them except Fire-lady. She did that herself.


    ¡°Is that you, Garth?¡± Jim asked, his brows furrowed. The usual look of confusion was on his brother¡¯s face. Must be all the blows to the head.


    Here we go, Garth thought, fighting the urge to climb over the table and pummel him.

 Chapter 34: Spell Theory

    Garth told Jim to shut up until the meeting was over and to keep away from him, but even after the war council had been closed and they¡¯d sent everyone to their respective teams, Jim continued to cling to Garth like a leech.


    Garth was power walking through the hall, trying to brush Jim off while Itet and Sandi were following behind, watching with the same horrified curiosity people had when the twin towers were coming down.


    ¡°What about mom and dad? Did you even try to go find them?¡±


    ¡°For the last time. No, I didn¡¯t go check up on them, didn¡¯t even try, actually. All of you were, and still are dead to me. If you cared so much, you could¡¯ve crossed the country and gone to check rather than taking the opportunity to save a damsel and ingratiate yourself with the president.¡±


    ¡°You were closer.¡± Jim said.


    ¡°Don¡¯t care. Dead to me.¡±


    ¡°Why? They¡¯re your family!¡±


    ¡°MY FAMILY!¡± Garth shouted loud enough to damage his throat, his words echoing down the Geiger-esque halls of the castle that seemed to have been grown out of the earth. Nothing had driven the point home that they were no longer on earth better than the alien architecture.


    Jim seemed to be driven back slightly by the sheer volume of Garth¡¯s voice.


    ¡°Betrayed me!¡± Garth said, pounding his chest. ¡°If you had the balls to come forward and tell someone where the money for your tuition came from, Nat and I¡­¡± Garth choked back the words. His vision began turning red in time with the slamming beat of his heart.


    ¡°Damage was already done. You think I should have gotten myself kicked out just so you can maybe have a second chance with Natalie?¡±


    ¡°Just so I can maybe have a second chance.¡± Garth mocked, his guts boiling with rage. Wilson¡¯s claws were digging into his shoulder, but he barely felt it.


    ¡°A goddamn life! That¡¯s what I could¡¯ve gotten a chance at! Maybe I wouldn¡¯t had to have moved away in shame and left my career with her dad¡¯s company in shambles. Maybe we could have gotten back together, and Maaaybeee you¡¯d be an uncle by now, and MAYBE I¡¯d have been there to protect her when this shit went down, but NOOOOOO!¡±


    Garth¡¯s raw-throated scream reverberated through the castle.


    ¡°You shrugged and thought, ¡®Well, he¡¯s fucked, back to balling the governor¡¯s daughter and rubbing elbows with the over-privileged sons of the richest men in America¡¯.¡±


    Jim took a step back, paling and glancing around the room at the spectators. Garth had never put his feelings out so plain and simple for the golden child, so Jim was probably looking for mommy and daddy to step in, slap Garth around and tell him to just give Jim his toy.


    ¡°You threw me under the bus for fifty grand! And maybe that makes sense to you in some kind of insect-like, heartless, cost-benefit analysis, but that¡¯s not the kind of family I want to have so you. Are. Cut. OFF!¡±


    ¡°Sorry Itet. About the insect thing.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt, and I forgive you. I do not have a heart.¡± Itet was standing beside Sandi¡¯s Lure. They¡¯d been reunited after the briefing and assigned logistics and supply. Essentially kitchen duty and castle repairs, since he could make food and wood on command. Garth wasn¡¯t going to argue with not being on the frontline. People who want to be on the frontlines are stupid and don¡¯t live long.


    ¡°You¡¯re my Spock, you know that?¡± Garth said, almost able to crack a smile at Itet¡¯s lack of understanding before he turned back to Jim. ¡°You get away from me. I won¡¯t kill you because you¡¯re my brother, but nothing says I can¡¯t hurt you really bad.¡±


    And he would too. Garth had heard of a plant that had poison that could continue to cause intense pain for up to two years. One guy who¡¯d wiped his ass with a leaf shot himself in the head to end it. One hit of that stuff smacked right across Jim¡¯s face would be just about right for the last two years of Garth¡¯s life.


    Jim¡¯s face was pale, and his immaculate brows furrowed in confusion. He looked as though he¡¯d seen a ghost. He probably didn¡¯t think Garth had it in him. Well, served him right.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t supposed to go like this.¡± Jim muttered, looking around the hall and placing a hand over his stomach. ¡°Something¡¯s wrong. I can¡¯t-¡° Jim doubled over, panting deeply, and moaning. A few seconds later, he straightened, looking around wildly. ¡°What¡¯s¡­Which way, which way? I can¡¯t feel it!¡±


    ¡°Ummm.¡± Garth raised an eyebrow as his brother seemed to drop a few of his marbles on the floor. Something more than being told off by his brother seemed to be at play here.


    Jim stood up panting, his eyes rolling in his sockets wildly as he looked around the hall, then back to Garth, the light of desperation blooming before he began sprinting madly down the hall, as if he were trying to race a beam of light, screaming, ¡°Marker! Marker!¡± with shrill desperation.


    Garth and his team stood there, watching the Ivy league quarterback run screaming down the halls, out of his mind. He found himself briefly concerned, but it passed in a matter of seconds. He didn¡¯t really care at this point.


    ¡°You two have a lot in common.¡± Sandi chimed in.


    ¡°No way, that guy¡¯s crazy.¡± Wilson said.


    Garth looked at Wilson, The imaginary lizard on his shoulder looked back at him, serenity plastered all over his lizard-face. Like someone who hadn¡¯t been holding out on him for almost a month.


    ¡°Come on, let¡¯s go do some logistics.¡± Garth finally nodded toward the Quartermaster¡¯s office, deciding not to pursue an argument with his invisible friend in front of Sandi and Itet. That¡¯s probably what Wilson was going for. They were going to have words about this later, though.


    ***


    Plant Growth proficiency has reached 95%


    Control Plants Proficiency had reached 84%


    Summon Nature Spirit proficiency has reached 45%!


    Telekinesis proficiency has reached 8%!


    Polymorph proficiency has reached 12%!


    Fly proficiency has reached 8%!


    Teleport proficiency has reached 3%!


    Shrink proficiency has reached 5%!


    Magic Jar proficiency has reached 10%!


    ¡­.


    Garth watched the battle from the top of the palisades, watching a wall of steel clash against the flood of yellow skinned humanoid monsters streaming from the front of the dungeon entrance, a gaping hole in the side of the distant mountain. The fighting was particularly intense today, but not the worst he¡¯d ever seen, not since the day they¡¯d used war beasts to turn the makeshift defenses around the cave entrance to splinters, nearly overflowing the valley and spilling out into the countryside.


    The first week had been a constant nagging pain in his stomach, each rumbling explosion in the distance possibly spelling his doom, but after the third week, Garth had mostly grown numb to it.


    Garth had seen Jim a few times after that. His brother didn¡¯t talk to him anymore, simply taking off his helmet at chow time and eating silently, surrounded by his throng of adoring fans. Garth liked it that way. He had enough problems worrying about when Sandi was going to lure some guy with nothing between his ears behind a shed and eat him. The military food didn¡¯t agree with her, Garth thought she might rather eat the military.


    Jim was popular for a reason. He went out with his football team and lead them to victory after victory, somehow always hitting the bad guys where it hurt the most. Anywhere he lead his people, the formation of hobgoblins would collapse, and they¡¯d retreat back into their hole for the day.


    Some people even started calling them ¡®The Finishers¡¯.


    They didn¡¯t hold a candle to Leanne¡¯s people. She led a huge army of civilians with no particular training, yet somehow they showed discipline that would make the Spartans piss their pants, responding like a single organism.


    You could see it demonstrated from the vantage point of the walls. Even then, Garth watched Leanne¡¯s little army do an about face with a speed that seemed¡­involuntary, luring a lump of hobgoblins out and then surrounding them.


    From his vantage, it looked a little bit like pac-man.


    Tyler¡¯s god must have had something to do with riding, because he and a group of maybe four hundred other people were riding sleek black wolflike creatures and running down stragglers who managed to slip out the barricades, sometimes hammering them back in.


    Erik was in the middle of the battlefield. The very middle. Hundreds of yards behind enemy lines and being besieged by thousands of the yellow- skinned humanoids at a time.


    The first time Garth had seen the guy do it, he¡¯d been concerned, but now it was just Eerik being Eerik.


    The fire lady was bombarding the massed hobgoblins from the safety of the barricades, lobbing fireballs that blew dozens of hobs at a time into small chunks.


    That could have been me. Garth thought, a bit envious at the sight. But no, the path of a real wizard was more than a glass cannon. Garth didn¡¯t want to get pigeonholed as the guy who blows stuff up, no matter how awesome it was.


    Garth was more interested in pure spell theory than explosions. Understanding why and how magic worked would allow him to make and do things that would make other people¡¯s hair stand on end.


    Speaking of pigeonholes¡­In the small amount of time he wasn¡¯t forced to make wheat for rations or lumber to repair the barricades, a task averaging fifteen hours a day, Garth had spent all of his free time reading his spellbooks and practicing his spells. Most of them except for Fireball. That was a bad idea to practice indoors, even though he really wanted to.


    If he could just figure out a way to copy the double, triple and higher Fertilize that he¡¯d been able to do with Beladia¡¯s help, he could shave down his time spent literally staring at grass by about twelve hours a day, and devote that time to mastering his spells. Garth would kill for that.


    ¡°Come on. You gotta work with me here.¡± Garth said, looking at a single grain of this planet¡¯s grass-based food. It was mealy, and tasted a bit like barley. Garth decided to call it Alien Barley, or A-B for short. Garth had been trying to recreate the entire Hyper Fertility spell from memory, but so far hadn¡¯t been able to do anything other than a simple Plant Growth. Garth was getting close to admitting it might just be god thing.


    ¡°Maybe you¡¯re remembering it wrong.¡± Wilson whispered, his focus also on the offending grain of A-B.


    ¡°Shut up. You know as well as I do that I have a pretty fucking good memory recently.¡±


    Garth packed the mana of Plant Growth into the seed, trying to keep the spell inert by keeping it¡¯s trigger squiggle pinned down, unable to start the chain reaction that would launch the spell. Then Garth could put another layer over top. The plan was for Garth to put a pin of sensitive mana through the outer layers, and when triggered, the pin would unwind into meaningless background mana, unlocking the spell¡¯s activation sequentially.


    Garth finished his spellwork and tossed the tiny grain off the side of the wall, Garth watched it drift downwards until it hit the ground, laying inert. Garth watched it in frustration.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Garth gathered some mana from the surroundings and poked his sensitive ¡®trigger¡¯, allowing it to unravel. The spell triggered without a hitch, and the seed sprouted and matured into a fine specimen of A-B grass in a matter of seconds. And nothing else. No spray of seeds, no second growth of a small patch of grass, just one stalk that might keep a mouse busy for a couple minutes.


    ¡°Maybe you¡¯re using it wrong?¡± Wilson suggested.


    ¡°Obviously I¡¯m using it wrong.¡± Garth groaned.


    ¡°I mean your memory. Of the spell. Wrong.¡±


    ¡°What other ways are there to remember things?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°You¡¯re the supergenius. Figure it out.¡±


    Garth studied Wilson for a moment, debating the likelihood that the imaginary lizard on his shoulder was fucking with him. Like it or not, though, they were the same person, so the little creep generally had Garth¡¯s best interests at heart.


    Like food, and sleep, and sex.


    He meant well.


    Garth sighed and closed his eyes, bringing up the memory of quadruple charging Brian¡¯s Banta Grass before they left Outpost 3517. It was his clearest memory of using a stacked Hyper-Fertility before he lost contact with Beladia. The other Apostles hadn¡¯t lost contact with their gods, either, or heard anything strange from them, at least according to Tyler, Laura and Erik.


    Garth shook his head and watched the snippet of memory unfold in front of him. After he¡¯d passed twenty Memory, he could rewind and fast forward, pick and choose, watching his crystal clear memories like TiVo.


    But that wasn¡¯t getting anywhere, and Garth was getting desperate, so he tried to figure out what Wilson was getting at. Remember it differently. Animals remember things differently. Animals had a different array of senses, so they could remember events entirely in sounds, or smells.


    Struck by a sudden inspiration, Garth grabbed the memory and split it, separating smells out of the picture. When he mentally hooked into that separated memory, all he could feel was the smell of the exact moment he charged the seed. There was manure, a hint of ozone from the crackling energy, and Sandi¡¯s sweet scent¡­


    The proof of concept worked. Garth turned back to the original memory, hoping he wasn¡¯t about to damage it beyond repair. Garth took the memory of his Mana Sight and split it away from the whole. Mana Sight was a different sense, after all, despite the name.


    ¡°Whoah.¡± Garth said as he plugged into the isolated sense memory. It was surreal. Without his ocular vision tricking his eye, he could see depth in everything, the entire world laid out before him in sort of squiggly, transparent colored lines. Without anything blocking his sight, Garth saw the mana condense and form a tiny construct at the center of the seed. Garth paused the memory and zoomed in as best he could.


    It got a little fuzzy, as that was the limits of what Garth¡¯s Mana Sight could do at the time, but Garth had a pretty good view of the spell¡¯s nucleus, and understood how it worked. The tiny little thing had an incredibly delicate trigger and held each layer of the spell together from the inside with tiny paired magical strands that connected together with a branch, basically sewing the layers of the spell together.


    The trigger was designed in such a way that the sewing popped from the outside in, and an added feature of each spell layer were mana reservoirs dedicated to copying everything in each subsequent layer underneath it as the spell went off. Between those two, that explained how Beladia¡¯s hyper-fertility could piggyback onto successive generations of seeds.


    The way the spell reproduced itself was elegant and almost lifelike. Garth nearly face-palmed. Of course it¡¯s lifelike, it¡¯s Beladia.


    Thanks Spell Theory, Garth thought, once again sure of his choice to become an idiot savant of magic. Whatever or whoever had dicked with him to become a Phytomagus hadn¡¯t changed the core concept of the Archmage class, simply added a plant theme.


    ¡°When did you get so smart?¡± Garth asked Wilson.


    ¡°When your Intelligence hit 25.¡± Wilson responded with a shrug. ¡°Technically you got so smart. Hey, after this you wanna get something to eat and maybe see if Sandi is down to fool around?¡±


    ¡°Sure, we might have the time to spare from now on.¡± Garth pulled out another A-B grain. Carefully layering the spell, Garth¡®s temples began to ache on the second layer, and he felt like his head might explode on the third. It was a bit like running a marathon with a bungie cord hooked to your back.


    Each layer was exponentially harder to create than the one before it, due to the sheer quantity of mana he had to cram into it, and Garth knew if he stopped to take a break before he¡¯d cinched the final knot in the spell, it would unravel, possibly triggering the layers prematurely and blowing up in his hand.


    Beladia made this look so easy!


    No wonder she was a little concerned about the amount of her energy he was spending.


    Then again, something hard for him like this didn¡¯t mean it was hard for her. At all.


    Garth shook his head and refocused, sweat beading his brow as he stapled the last bit of the spell together. It was lopsided and crude, nowhere near as good as Beladia¡¯s work, but it was something he¡¯d made himself, and Garth was proud of that.


    You have learned Delayed Magic! Proficiency 16%!


    You have learned Recursive Casting! Proficiency 18%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 45%!


    Well, according to the Status Band, I¡¯m on the right track. Garth thought, flicking the grain over the wall.


    The result was¡­less than impressive, and more than Garth had hoped for. The outermost layer of the spell was the most awkward, and it showed as the primary seed took about eight seconds to reach maturity. When its seeds finally dropped, the result was what Garth could only describe as lumpy.


    Some of the grass took off, spraying seeds everywhere, while others chose a more slow and steady route. Some didn¡¯t grow at all, and some didn¡¯t pass on the spell to their progeny, leaving more than a few lifeless grains just lying on the dirt.


    A rippling mass of grass spread out beneath Garth in an uneven, lopsided manner, and he couldn¡¯t keep the smile off his face.


    ¡°Woo! Spell Theory!¡± Garth shouted, arm raised in triumph as Wilson hopped up and down in his shoulder in excitement, perhaps forgetting he could talk. One of the sentries on the wall gave him an odd look, but Garth was beyond caring.


    Oooh, all the things he could do with the knowledge of Recursive Casting. Chain Lightning was the most obvious that came to mind, but basically any spell he wanted to handle large amounts of similar labor without needing input from him. wash twenty plates instead of one at a time, Sure! Create a self-expanding network of mind-controlled slaves, why not?


    Garth probably wouldn¡¯t do the slave thing unless he really had to.


    The Delayed Magic skill would help make magical traps and contingency spells, too. His repertoire had greatly expanded, giving him cause for celebration. Now that Wilson had mentioned it, though, he was pretty hungry. Maybe he could get himself breakfast and an alien beer. As for the other thing¡­


    ¡°How long has it been since Sandi ate?¡± Garth asked Wilson. The trick was catching the timing right, according to Sandi¡¯s dad. The old farmer also forwarded schematics for some creative breeding restraints to ensure the safety of both parties, since they didn¡¯t know each other that well yet. Wonder if she¡¯d be mad that I¡¯ve been asking him for advice.


    ¡°Your guess is as good as mine.¡±


    ¡°Har har.¡±


    ¡°Man, I wonder what Sandi would look in bondage.¡± Garth and Wilson said at the same time. ¡°Stop copying me.¡±


    Garth was walking down the stairwell from the walls, in a pretty good mood when the world started shaking, tossing him around like the last match in a box tumbling downhill.


    ¡°Holy shit, holy shit!¡± Garth shouted as he made it down the stairs as quickly as he could, the suddenness of the earthquake rendering him incapable of eloquence.


    Garth angled for the arch of light at the end of the stairs leading outside. He had to get out into the courtyard before the entire castle came down on him. He sprinted out into the open, and looked up at the walls.


    Unlike a human castle, this one was made of a black shiny material that seemed grown out of the ground, along with the ribs that supported it. Ergo, Geiger-esque. Unlike a human castle, this one seemed to be weathering the earthquake just fine, the walls and towers gently rocking even as the bucking earth threatened to put Garth on his ass.


    ¡°Garth! Look down!¡± Wilson yelled in his ear, pointing.


    Garth looked down.


    The entire courtyard bulged upward, the hard-packed earth birthing a monstrous worm capable of swallowing houses whole. Its toothy maw erupted above the ground before tilting down to look at Garth, the only one in the courtyard.


    Crap.

 Chapter 35: Under Siege Too

    Garth reached for the dependable acorns in his largest bandolier, ready to grow one around himself if he had to survive being swallowed by a giant worm. You¡¯re such a pill, Garth Daniels.


    It didn¡¯t have any eyes, but it seemed like it was studying him, sizing up whether or not he¡¯d be a decent meal. Garth could guarantee that he wasn¡¯t. he might even be able to slip between the damn thing¡¯s rock-breaking teeth without so much as a scratch.


    ¡°Okay, big ugly,¡± Garth said, his heart hammering in his chest, adrenaline making his knees feel weak. ¡°What¡¯s it gonna be?¡±


    Contrary to his expectations, the worm gave a pulsing jerk, contorting until it was almost looking over its shoulder, then let out a whine that shook the walls before retreating back into the hole. The worm¡¯s gaping maw retreated into the darkness of the hole until Garth couldn¡¯t tell which was which. In a matter of seconds, it was gone.


    Well, that¡¯ll wake you up in the morning. Garth thought, pulling his shaking hand away from his bandolier. All around him, alarms were going off, people ringing bells, shouting and running toward the courtyard.


    Were they thinking the worm might come back, like some sea creature that had built a lair there, every once in a while coming out to snatch a couple soldiers? Like a reverse ant-eater.


    Wait, no, it¡¯s the tunnel! Garth realized the significance of a tunnel bigger than a house leading downward in a gentle slope straight toward the dungeon in the mountain.


    It¡¯s a goddamn siege weapon! Garth pulled out his acorn and hastily began working a double fertilize on it. If he choked up the entrance with enough wood, they could hold it until someone who knew what the hell they were doing could pull his ass out of the fire.


    Tap me on the shoulder if you see anything, Garth thought as began weaving the magic around the seed. Wilson was uncharacteristically focused, staring down the hole as Garth put together the spell.


    Trigger mechanism¡­casing¡­weave the mana threads out¡­First layer¡­ doesn¡¯t need the recursive mana pools so it should be a bit faster. Tug the threads through¡­


    Garth felt a tapping on his shoulder and spared a fraction of a second to look up. Torchlight glowed from deep inside the tunnel. Someone was coming.


    Garth looked back down at the acorn in his hand and worked harder, even as the defenders of the castle formed a wall of flesh and steel around the entrance. The quadruple line of people that didn¡¯t make the cut for active duty ¨C including Garth ¨C didn¡¯t exactly fill him with security.


    Garth felt like he was knitting to save his life. Second layer, create the spell, add the recursive mana pools¡­ This was where the strain started, funneling a huge quantity of mana from the environment¡­ Garth blinked, and without missing a beat, shook a single Mythic core out of his Status Band, dropping it into the hard-packed earth at his feet.


    He couldn¡¯t cast while touching one yet, but standing directly over a Mythic Core was no problem. The Core did most of the heavy lifting for him, concentrating the mana in the environment under his feet, allowing Garth to let it flow into the recursive mana pools rather than having to wrangle it.


    The difference was like night and day.


    Garth finished the spell as Wilson tapped him frantically, claws digging into his shoulder.


    Garth glanced up in time to see a wave of hobgoblins flowing out of the tunnel, clashing with the soldiers at the front.


    They should have packed tighter around the entrance, he thought as the soldiers began being pushed back. On the other hand, if they packed too tightly, or actually went in the tunnel, the enemy might have just sent the worm out again.


    Gah, I¡¯m overthinking this.


    ¡°Garth!¡± He glanced over his shoulder and spotted Sandi and Itet running from the mess hall, where Itet had been trying to recreate pizza.


    His gaze settled on the unfairly strong succubus and Garth had an idea.


    ¡°Sandi! Get the barrels of lamp oil! As many as you can carry!¡± Sandi reversed course, her invisible talons kicking up a spray of dirt as she did an about-face. Benefits of being stockroom bitch the last few weeks: They knew exactly where the stuff was.


    ¡°Itet, I need your help!¡± Garth shouted, weaving a Force Armor spell around himself. At such a low mastery, it wasn¡¯t going to stop a sword, but it might slow one down long enough for his bones to take care of the rest. Garth¡¯s hairs rose on his neck at the idea. hopefully it wouldn¡¯t come to that.


    ¡°What do you need!?¡± she demanded as she approached. Around them the roar of battle almost drowned out their words.


    ¡°Can you cut a path to the tunnel?¡± Garth asked, summoning a Nature Spirit.


    A summoning spell basically involved poking a tiny hole in reality and dropping through bait that one particular kind of spirt found very tasty. Once they¡¯d taken the bait, they were yanked over to this reality, given a physical form by the power of the caster and bound to their will. Yep, Summon spells were pretty much exactly like ice-fishing.


    The Summon Nature Spirit spell came very easily to him, and Garth found that the bodiless entity had the easiest time taking the form of a young Treant. Garth had gotten as good as he had at the spell by shamelessly using the tree-man to haul things for him when he was on duty at the store-room while he studied. He could guide the nature spirit to take other shapes, but it felt wrong, like he was going against the grain, so to speak.


    A hole opened in reality, and a woody tree-man about five feet tall climbed out.


    ¡°Watch my back!¡± Garth instructed the Treant, who watched him placidly. Spirits didn¡¯t feel things the same way people did, so a huge battle where people were dying left and right didn¡¯t phase it, but the connection between the two of them allowed it to understand the idiom, Garth was sure of that.


    The sturdy little tree took up a position behind him.


    ¡°Think you can?¡± Garth asked Itet. She nodded, drawing two of her four swords.


    ¡°Follow closely, or you will be cut down.¡±


    Keep your eyes open, Wilson. Wilson gave him a salute, nearly falling off his shoulder as the two of them lunged forward.


    Itet ran forward, aiming for a temporary gap in the defender¡¯s shield-wall. That¡¯s not good, Garth thought as he plunged forward. The line was bulging outward, people were dying, and the four-person deep line was quickly becoming a two, or one person deep line. Any moment the pressure from the tunnels was going to overwhelm the defenders, exploding outward and taking the castle away from the people using it as a base for conquering the dungeon.


    Whoever this Demon Lord was, he was a cunning bastard.


    Garth could handle cunning bastards.


    Itet held her secondary hands in front of her and unleashed twin lances of ice as she impacted the mass of yellow skinned, red-eyed hobgoblins. The Tzetin swam through the throng of monsters, plowing a line open with cannon-ball sized chunks of ice while fending off attacks with the blades in her main hands. Her large eyes gave her near three hundred and sixty degree vision, unerringly intercepting every strike.


    Garth just tried to stay close behind her and keep his head down. Wilson tugged on his hair, and Garth swerved, narrowly avoiding the swing of a club made from the bone of some enormous beast. One of the Hobgoblins they passed tried to spin and stab Garth in the kidneys, but the nature spirit punched it in the face.


    Garth tripped over a fallen corpse, and for a timeless instant he knew he was going to die. He fell forward in what felt like slow motion, toppling toward a wide-eyed hobgoblin corpse. Adrenaline in full gear, Garth simply refused to let a fall slow him, pushing off the ground with every fiber of muscle he could summon, with every limb at his disposal, hand fisted around the acorn.


    It resulted in an awkward hop forward, followed by some desperate scrambling as Garth tried to climb over dead hobgoblins on a battlefield littered with sharp pointy things, while at the same time ducking under the wild swings that were being directed his way as he tried to catch up with Itet.


    Finally, she and Garth stood thirty feet outside the entrance to the tunnel swarming with the frothing, wild-eyed humanoids. Garth felt like he was about to cough out a lung. It had felt like minutes of running, but it had only been five or six seconds. A real battle practically sucks the life out of you.


    He didn¡¯t have time to overthink it. Garth jumped as high as he could and flung the acorn down the tunnel.


    ¡°Fire in the hole!¡± Garth couldn¡¯t resist shouting. No one seemed to notice the tiny nut arcing high over the hobgoblin¡¯s heads, taking advantage of the tunnel¡¯s high ceiling.


    Garth lunged forward and caught Itet¡¯s shoulder, the bug warrior was still pressing forward, mincing the monsters as she ran.


    ¡°We¡¯re done! Turn arou-¡° Another earthquake shook the battlefield as a veritable forest exploded from the entrance, nearly overtaking the two of them. One oak had become hundreds, filling the tunnel in a matter of seconds and crushing dozens of enemies to death in the press of wood.


    The hobgoblins were cut off.


    They were momentarily stunned, looking back at the tunnel choked with green. Garth took the opportunity to spin Itet around and get her moving the other direction, back towards safety. Itet took it in stride, unleashing a dizzying flurry of ice bolts to clear the way back, running like she¡¯d meant to go that way the entire time.


    Itet bolted ahead, nearly leaving Garth in the dust. He wasn¡¯t stupid enough to ask her to slow down, though.


    A hobgoblin screeched and clawed its way through the press of bodies to block the path of Garth¡¯s retreat. Garth¡¯s summon tackled the thing around the waist, driving the hobgoblin to the ground. Garth ran over the two of them, his Force Armor barely deflecting the creature¡¯s grasping claws away from his calves. The damn thing tried to hamstring him.


    Garth left Woody behind, following Itet¡¯s receding back. Woody probably wouldn¡¯t hold it against him. Spirits couldn¡¯t die on this plane and really didn¡¯t care what you used them to do. The only problem was he was down a linebacker and getting slowly left behind.


    Garth put his head down and put every ounce of effort into catching up while trying to weave a spell around himself. Garth¡¯s attention turned inward as Wilson wordlessly took over steering them, ducking and weaving through the closing press of bodies.


    Haste was basically compressing the mana in the atmosphere responsible for regulating time as thick as you could around yourself, which allowed you a higher ratio of time, and therefore a higher ratio of things you could do.


    It sounded simple, but time specific mana was a bitch to see and even harder to grab hold of. The hands free variant of the haste spell Garth was casting was less efficient, but made a minor mental construct that looked for it, rather than use the caster¡¯s concentration. Garth needed all of his concentration.


    The spell locked into place a moment later, and everything seemed to slow down just a little bit, enough for Garth to catch a break. Garth wove around a thrashing hob, and a second later he ducked under the backswing of a rusty sword before hitting the human line, climbing over the shoulders of a hobgoblin to leap over the beleaguered soldiers, plowing face first into the ground and rolling to a stop.


    Itet carving a hole out of the center of the hob¡¯s formation shrunk their ranks and eased pressure on the humans, allowing them to fix their line and reverse the flow of the battle, and without reinforcements, the hobs were slowly being driven back.


    Thank Beladia, Garth thought, pushing himself to his feet.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Sandi called, her Lure carrying two barrels of lamp oil while two more floated above, presumably on her shoulders. Garth¡¯s side itched a bit.


    ¡°What do I do with these?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re gonna drop em down the tunnel¡­I got a great idea for what to do when they start trying to cut their way through.¡± It involves fire, of course. Garth turned to point at the tunnel, itching his side with his other hand.


    He drew his hand away with a hiss as he nicked his finger on something. Garth brought his hand up to his face, and marveled at the amount of blood on it. He hadn¡¯t nicked his finger that bad, had he?


    The itching started to ache, and Garth got a really bad feeling. What did he nick himself on?


    ¡°Garth!¡± Sandi shouted, dropping the barrels. Sandi and Itet rushed over to him as he craned his neck to inspect the snapped off blade sticking out of his left side.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Garth heard himself say.

 Chapter 36: Purple Heart

    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s, wow¡­Umm¡­¡± Garth said as he started getting dizzy. First things first, gotta cancel the Haste spell, or I¡¯m gonna die that much faster. Garth dispelled the construct maintaining the spell with a minor effort of will, and the world seemed to speed up a little bit, causing a bit of nausea. Or maybe that was the sword in his back.


    Sandi arrived beside him, her soft body propping him up. Garth was grateful for something to lean on, but he knew he must be hurt bad, because he was getting an excellent view down her shirt and it did nothing for him. He was mostly focused instead on where her Lure was pressing a hand to his side.


    ¡°Don¡¯t!¡± Garth gasped, making Sandi flinch away. ¡°Don¡¯t take it out until we get to someone who can heal.¡± The bleeding wasn¡¯t bad, but Garth¡¯s legs now felt like jelly, and his entire left side had begun to send waves of pain from the wound, making every breath an exercise in torment.


    Mental note: Get off ass and learn Heal, and get better at Force Armor.


    ¡°What do we do?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°Human biology is beyond me.¡± Itet shook her head.


    ¡°Well,¡± Garth said, blinking the sweat out of his eyes. ¡°We still need to close that hole in the floor and deal with the hob infestation. I¡¯m a human, and I¡¯m no expert, but I think I should be good for a couple hours. It hurts like crazy, but as long as I don¡¯t jostle it, I think I¡¯ll last for awhile.¡±


    Hopefully that roll there at the end didn¡¯t turn his guts into swiss cheese, but who knew? Garth had no idea what a sword in the guts was supposed to feel like. He was just saying that to make Sandi feel better. It would turn out best for everyone if they carried on under the assumption that he wasn¡¯t dying.


    ¡°Okay, what now then?¡± she asked, looking out at the tunnel where the humans were starting to tear the hobs to pieces.


    ¡°Can you carry me?¡± Garth asked, his voice more of a whimper than he intended.


    ¡°Sure.¡± Sandi¡¯s hands closed around Garth, avoiding his wound, until he was floating comfortably above her Lure¡¯s head. Which meant he was wounded, bleeding, and directly beneath her mouth. If this wasn¡¯t a trust exercise, Garth didn¡¯t know what was.


    ¡°Lucky for me, I don¡¯t have to walk to cast spells,¡± he said, his breath hitching when the blade tweaked. The sword in his guts made spells harder, though. He reached shaking fingers into his bandolier and pulled out a pot seed between two fingers. It was from the strain at Carl¡¯s house that had promised Garth it would be kind to him, but that¡¯s not what he needed right now.


    Garth held the seed in his bloody palm, and whispered, ¡°fear,¡± Trying to impress what he wanted into the plant¡¯s core being.


    Design Plant


    Without regard for anything else, Garth turned everything that could cause paranoia and hallucinations all the way up, while turning any mitigating factors down, turning the mellow plant into a malevolent bad trip waiting to happen.


    You are a scary motherfucker, if anyone gets a whiff of you, they¡¯ll be sent screaming in mindless terror. You¡¯re gonna get in their heads and set hooks in there so deep their grandchildren are gonna have PTSD. Are we clear?


    Shut up, stupid Status band.


    Once he was done, Garth packed the seed in a double fertilize and handed it to Itet.


    ¡°Toss that as deep into the entrance as you can before they get through.¡± Garth said, then he looked down at Sandi. Maybe he wasn¡¯t hurt as bad as he thought, ¡®cuz he found his gaze sliding down the curve of her back where her round hips peeked out of her low, low cut jeans. Guess I¡¯m an ass man. Wilson too.


    ¡°Set me down against the wall, then pour those barrels over the pot. When the baddies come, light it on fire, but under no circumstances should you let yourself or anyone else breath the smoke. It¡¯s not gonna be like the stuff at Carl¡¯s place. This is gonna hurt people.¡±


    Sandi nodded and carried Garth away while Itet broke off to do her job. Sandi carried him to the wall where a handful of other wounded soldiers were resting, leaning him against it on his right side, carefully making sure the exposed blade didn¡¯t rub against anything.


    ¡°We should go on another date.¡± Sandi said as she tucked him against the wall. Garth glanced up, pried out of his thoughts about pain and mortality in general long enough to notice her shaking hands. If her Lure¡¯s hands were shaking, he could only imagine how bad off she really was.


    ¡°What, this doesn¡¯t count?¡± Garth chuckled before letting out a groan, immediately punished for his sarcasm as he felt the length of steel in his insides shift just the tiniest bit.


    ¡°No. You just stay alive while I¡¯m gone, okay?¡±


    ¡°For a chance at those lips?¡± Garth said, ¡°I¡¯ll live forever.¡±


    She reached up and touched her lips, curious. ¡°What do humans do with their lips?¡±


    ¡°They press them against each other, It¡¯s a sign of affection called kissing. Feels pretty good. There are other amazing things you can do with lips like that-¡°


    It suddenly occurred to Garth that although Sandi had a human Lure, she didn¡¯t know the first thing about using it on someone, having just gotten to Earth. Garth somehow found the idea of teaching her how incredibly arousing. At least until a sudden pain erupted from his side when he breathed too deeply. Stupid sword.


    Garth winced. ¡°But umm...nevermind. The hobgoblins?¡±


    ¡°Oh, right!¡± Sandi leaned over and pecked him on the lips. Her lips were stiff and unyielding, her massive breasts brushing his shoulder not nearly long enough before she stood.


    ¡°How was that?¡±


    ¡°Give her some pointers later.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°Eh, needs work. I¡¯ll give you some pointers later.¡±


    ¡°Okay!¡± Sandi replied cheerfully before turning away and picking up the barrels, heading back toward the fighting.


    ¡°She got a sister?¡± a soldier sitting next to Garth asked, his hands clamped down a wound in his leg.


    ¡°Twelve.¡±


    The man¡¯s eyebrows rose.


    ***


    The conflict was slowly starting to die down, but any business where lives were on the line was bound to be long and messy. The last hobs were fighting tooth and nail, using the hole in the ground as their last line of defense.


    Garth didn¡¯t spend his time idly, summoning Woody to guard him and deliver charged seeds to the front where necessary. It felt like hours, but it finally happened. Some kind of siege beast that looked like a mutant rhino smashed through the wood and opened the way for reinforcements to join the hobs. The defender lit the oil on fire and all hell broke loose.


    Wailing cries of pain, like nails on chalkboard rose into the air as hundreds of Hobs were licked with flames, but shortly afterward, those cries of pain became full-throated screams of terror. The strange weed that they had trampled into the oil soaked ground let off a peculiar smelling smoke.


    His creation got under their skin and eroded their minds, disconnecting parts of their brain that were capable of using logic to calm themselves down, trapping them in an endless cycle of spiraling terror.


    ¡°It¡¯s real! It¡¯s real! It¡¯s real!¡± Garth saw one of the soldiers unfortunate enough to catch a whiff of the smoke shaking on the ground and throwing up while he shouted wildly. Garth winced in sympathy. Hopefully his allies could drag him far enough away from the battlefield to come down. Getting axed by a hulking monster while in the throes of a bad trip sounded like the worst way to die.


    Everyone seemed to handle it differently. Some of the monsters shut down and huddled, shivering in place, some looked around in utter confusion, others flew into a wild rage and struck their own down, but one fact was clear: The invading force wasn¡¯t up to fighting at the moment.


    Garth watched the chaos from the top of the wall, where Woody had helped him limp up the stairs. He glanced back over at the dungeon, where the rest of the humans stationed outside the entrance were engaged in a fight for their lives against a horde that made the previous ones look like chump change.


    Explains why we haven¡¯t gotten reinforcements yet.


    The dungeon¡¯s entrance was packed wall-to-wall with ogres in shiny steel plate, with shiny steel eight foot long beat-sticks, marching in uncharacteristic order. Uncharacteristic according to what he¡¯d read about them, anyway. Above the tens of thousands of ogres, strange, skinny bat-winged creatures flew above, dropping liquid fire on the assembled humans.


    Garth watched a gout of fire bloom in the center of Leanne¡¯s army of civilians, catching more than a couple in the blast. It didn¡¯t seem to do anything to hinder their morale, though. What black magic was she using to keep people fighting like machines? It was probably her god¡¯s blessing, but Garth wasn¡¯t sure whether it was good or bad.


    Tyler¡¯s group of riders had been cut down by maybe a fifth. Their casualties were low because they never stayed in one place long enough to get shat on.


    Garth couldn¡¯t see Erik. Hopefully the guy was still alive. Laura was busily blasting away with her fire magic. Garth couldn¡¯t make out where Jim¡¯s crew had gotten off to. Probably waiting to exploit somebody¡¯s weakness, as per usual.


    The battlefield was a chaotic mess, and people were dropping like flies.


    When were the gold-ranked adventurers going to shut the fucking thing down?


    No sooner had he thought that than there was a flash of light from the dungeon¡¯s entrance, rolling over the assembled legion. The ogres collapsed into lifeless dolls, and the imps fell out of the sky, their firepots consuming them on impact.


    Garth looked back at the courtyard, where the last of the hobgoblins had fallen into a heap. They did it! Took their goddamn time, too.


    Garth slumped against the wall in relief, the tension flowing out of him, leaving him more exhausted than he¡¯d ever been. He hadn¡¯t been this tired since his car had been stolen while he was hiking. He had collapsed back into bed more mentally and emotionally exhausted than he¡¯d ever been. Slept pretty damn good, too. Matter of fact, the hard black stone of the walls was feeling pretty comfy¡­


    No, no, nope, not good, Garth thought, levering himself back to his feet on aching muscles. He wasn¡¯t going to fall asleep on the wall and die of blood loss, no siree. Garth wasn¡¯t going to pass out without making sure someone was taking care of him.


    Garth leaned on the parapets, exhaustion dragging at his very being, when he glanced down and noticed something odd. Everyone was frozen in whatever act they¡¯d been doing a moment ago. Celebrating, grieving, thanking the gods they were still alive, you name it. Every single one of them had their eyes closed, their heads slumped over.


    Everyone was asleep.


    The defenders had all nodded off standing up, not even falling over. What the hell? Garth thought. He didn¡¯t have to wait long to find out.


    From the tunnel came a procession of humanoids wearing armor that radiated intense magic to Garth¡¯s Mana Sight. They looked like Shinta, but their skin was wrong, and they had delicate features, with fingers and teeth that were just a little bit longer than they should be.


    Kipling? Garth¡¯s eyes widened as they wove through the defenders without attacking anyone, leaving no trace of their passing. At the head of the procession was a man with blue skin who looked mostly like a slender human save for the pointed ears and horns curving outward just above his brow. A Mythic core floated between his horns, its surface engraved with delicate spellwork.


    They looked to be heading toward the Gate at the center of the castle.


    I get it, the demon lord is abandoning ship! That tunnel was his get out of jail free card in case he failed to destroy the planet!


    Garth considered his options. He had absolutely no backup, and they hadn¡¯t seemed to have noticed him. He could:


    Garth was about to choose option 2 when General Kenra stepped out from inside the castle, blocking the demon lord¡¯s path.


    Oh, maybe the General can take ¡®em. Maybe if I blindside ¡®em while they¡¯re fighting, we can¡­What the hell am I looking at?


    Karas stepped forward, the veteran full of swagger as he approached the Demon Lord. The general broke into a grin and offered a hand. The two shook hands and walked into the castle, congratulating each other while the procession of powerful Kipling wordlessly followed behind.


    Garth stared, wide-eyed at the scene unfolding below him for a moment before he chose option 3:


    Slowly get out of line of sight, stay very quiet, and don¡¯t tell anyone about it later.


    I¡¯m really sleepy. Garth¡¯s eyelids slid closed as he made himself comfortable on the nice warm stone.

 Chapter 37: A Real Bad Guy

    ¡°First thing¡¯s first. Show me your wrists.¡± The general said. The pathetic excuse for a shinta was sitting across the table from Irios with a smug grin, as if the demon lord wouldn¡¯t tear his soul from his body and use him like a puppet.


    When the time was right.


    Irios put his wrists on display on the table in front of him, showing the wriggling ball of fear that the slave magic keeping him under control hadn¡¯t faded in the slightest. That was to be expected. The symbol on his wrists faded not when the magic did, but when Irios began to push against it. The spell hung by a thread. He could snap it like a dry twig and reach across the table and tear the shinta¡¯s lungs out.


    But he didn¡¯t.


    Three thousand years ago, the last Archmage remaining involved in Irios¡¯s slavery had passed away. After millenia of slowly pretending to come around, ¡®falling in love¡¯ with an easily influenced corio woman the Inner Spheres had obviously put there as bait, the watchfulness around him had gradually fallen, until there was only one tired shinta reviewing his slave seal, like a common prisoner.


    ¡°Looks good.¡± Kenra said, turning Irios¡¯ hands over and studying the seals front to back before collapsing back into his seat. ¡°We¡¯re going to get final numbers soon, but what was your impression of the humans in battle?¡±


    ¡°Awful.¡± Irios responded without delay. He had mastered a state of instant compliance burying an ocean of rage. ¡°Their physical abilities are near worthless. They are slightly below average at teamwork, the apostle of Kolath notwithstanding. The only thing they seemed to excel at was construction and crafting. Manual labor and the like. The fire woman did alright. They struck me as being most similar to dwarves, albeit with a more timid temperament.¡±


    ¡°And it appears you managed to cross a few of the more troublesome humans off the list.¡± Kenra said, flipping open a notebook containing the names of every human Apostle that had been summoned to his base. Irios had long since grown numb to the Inner sphere¡¯s efforts to neuter the planets they took under their wing. Rampant corruption was just another fact of life here.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t see a purple corpse in the courtyard, so I assume The Beladia worshipper hid in a closet somewhere.¡±


    ¡°He definitely took part. Trees sprung out of nowhere to block the tunnel, and someone created a poisonous smoke that filled the underground, driving every breathing creature in there mad with fright. The siege wurm nearly tore apart the entire dungeon, it did more damage to us than them.¡±


    ¡°Interesting.¡± Kenra said, dabbing his pen in the inkwell and making a note beside an entry in his notebook labelled Garth Daniels. Beside the name were a few notes already. Telekinesis, fire. Shows higher proficiency for magic than expected. Restricted spells? Cut off legal routes.


    ¡°Now about your request to see Eriela,¡± Kenra said, underlining one of his notes and glancing back up.


    Here comes the dance. Step, one, two three, step.


    ¡°Is she here? Can I see her?¡± Irios said with centuries of cultivated desperation. Living creatures believed that other things were inherently like them, at least a little bit. Irios¡¯s body had a penis, so it must follow that he was attracted to the other sex of his previous race. That he wanted companionship. They refused to believe that he was so utterly alien, with his handsome face and calm demeanor. Surely a flicker of corio must still beat beneath his chest.


    It was laughable, this dance he performed with his captors. Step, one, two, three, step.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t in the budget to bring her to this layer.¡±


    And twirl, acting outraged.


    ¡°Damn it all! She¡¯s the only reason I tolerate your presence! You can¡¯t keep doing this to us!¡±


    ¡°Now calm down. A handful of us generals understand how important it is to keep you happy, so we pooled our resources and pulled some strings. We can arrange a night of unsupervised access at the end of each of your missions, as long as you both submit to a search and scan afterwards.¡±


    And bend, and dip.


    Irios sighed in faux relief. Now did he sell the general with his concern for Eriela, or his desire to monopolize her? Let¡¯s go with the nobler of the two, it may be stupid, and less realistic, but somehow it sells better.


    ¡°I just need to know she¡¯s safe.¡± Irios said, giving the table in front of him a thousand-yard stare.


    I haven¡¯t danced like this since before I became a kipling.


    ¡°She is, and you¡¯ll see for yourself tonight. Afterwards, we¡¯ve got another assignment for you on the other side of the world. We¡¯re putting together a list of humans that stand to cause the most disruption of Mythic Cores. Mr. Daniels is right at the top of that list, and we want all of them gone. Can I count on you?¡±


    ¡°You should know by now that I care nothing for them.¡± Irios said. The first honest truth he¡¯d given the general. He¡¯d long since identified the construct in his mind that forced him to tell the truth and disabled it. It had been true, but misleading. He¡¯d be just as happy to let them live if it furthered his goal.


    His goal. What is my goal? Irios¡¯s brows furrowed for a moment.


    ¡°Irios?¡± Kenra asked.


    I am Irios Obenya, a demon lord of the third rank, and my goal is¡­


    I will wait and obey until the moment comes.


    What is the moment?


    The moment I can accomplish my goal.


    What is my goal?


    I will wait and obey-


    STOP!


    Circular logic detected. Irios thought with a tiny smirk. The most sure sign of a physic construct interfering with his mind. The seal was weakening, all he would have to do was wait-


    Wait until-


    Irios ruthlessly slashed through the thoughts designed to delay and control him, to keep him stupid.


    But Erelia-


    Irios found the tiny fleck of camouflaged mana buried in his mind, and tore it apart.


    Ah, that¡¯s better. Now, what was I waiting for?


    For the first time in eight thousand years, the seals on his wrist flickered and faded. No, it was not another illusion. He¡¯d finally found his way out of the maze they¡¯d placed inside his own mind.


    Irios looked up at Kenra. The General must have seen something in his eyes, because he reached for the hilt of his blade, but Irios was faster. The demon lord leaned over the table and jammed a single sharp black nail into Kenra¡¯s cheek.


    The general gasped and froze as foreign mana began to circulate through his body. Kenra began to convulse in place as Irios withdrew his claw, blood and black ichor seeping from the tiny wound.


    ¡°I¡¯ve had my fair share of experience with mind magic over the last few thousand years, general, and you¡¯ll be happy to know that is not what is happening here.¡± Irios said, wiping his claw off on a rag from his pocket as Kenra sank back into his chair.


    ¡°I¡¯m not interested in torture or repaying you for the countless humiliations visited on me by yourself and your predecessors, and so you get to die.¡±


    Kenra stared at him, his eyes bloodshot, mouth frothing as his teeth chattered.


    ¡°But I do need your body to continue making reports and covering my activities. I can¡¯t have the entire Inner Spheres hunting me just yet, so I¡¯m replacing you with someone a bit more sympathetic to my cause.¡±


    Kenra¡¯s eyes widened further and he collapsed to the table, drool spilling out from his lips. Irios¡¯ Senses made out the man¡¯s soul leaving his body by the nearly imperceptible twitch of the surrounding mana as it moved past.


    Irios knew spells that could capture and torment souls indefinitely, but what was the point? Dead was dead. The general no longer a problem, and besides, he had given his word.


    That was one of the few things Irios had retained from his previous life. He considered himself to have a sense of honor. Sure, it had got him captured, but he had also outlived all of his peers in captivity, so Irios saw no reason not to continue. Irios believed there was a power in honor that went beyond whether or not people trusted or feared you.


    Irios watched the portal to the Abyss open, a tiny pinhole in reality. A tiny ribbon of black mana boiled out of it, wriggling like a living thing. It tested the air for a few seconds before homing in on Kenra¡¯s body, digging into the base of the man¡¯s neck like a parasitic worm.


    When the last of the black worm had disappeared, Kenra sat up suddenly, sucking in a deep breath.


    ¡°Welcome to the two thousand eight hundred and fifty ninth layer of The Spheres, my friend.¡± Irios said, leaning forward and running his thumb along Kenra¡¯s cheek. The puncture wound disappeared at Irios¡¯ touch.


    ¡°Thank you master.¡± Kenra said.


    ¡°Call me Irios. Your name is Kenra. Search your body¡¯s memories, I want you to fit in indefinitely starting tonight.¡±


    The spirit paused for a moment, reading the memories of its host. Its posture slowly relaxed, becoming more Kenra-like. ¡°Should I send the corio woman in, Irios? She¡¯s just down the hall.¡±


    Irios rolled his eyes. Of course she was. Make a big production out of how difficult it was to bring her there to keep scarcity up, but always keep her on hand in case they needed a hostage or a treat.


    ¡°Might as well. I gave her my word I¡¯d love and protect her until I died, and there¡¯s always a use for a talented enchanter.¡± Irios reached up and plucked the carved Mythic core from between his horns, inspecting the Mythic core reinforcing the seal on his wrists.


    With the seal gone, the magic preventing him from removing the core had failed as well, allowing him to finally get a good look at it. The spellwork was amateurish compared to the prison they had constructed for his mind, merely maintaining and providing power to the original spell. There was something familiar about it, though.


    ¡°Before you go, Did Kenra have a ledger of the outstanding apostles from the other hemisphere as well?¡±


    ¡°He did not, Irios.¡±


    ¡°Well, get one. Tell them you want to test a theory,¡± Irios said, thumbing through the general¡¯s notebook. One thing that Irios had noticed over the last few Dungeon Rushes, The most powerful apostles often had equally powerful kipling with the same name on the other hemisphere.


    Case in point, Irios had to kill his Corio self in battle seven thousand eight hundred years ago. That had been difficult.


    What Irios was looking through right now was a Recruiting Book, essentially.


    ¡°Garth Daniels¡­a little too cunning for his own good, apparently. His kipling will probably stab me in the back. Kill it. Leanne O¡¯malley, desires strength and control over her own fate and others¡­ might try to seize power¡­ little too small to survive the beginning. kill. Ah! Loyal, strong¡­this Erik fellow probably has a good doppleganger.¡± Irios added a note to the page, and circled Erik¡¯s home country.


    After a few minutes of browsing, Kenra opened the door, allowing a beautiful, willowy corio woman to enter. Her horns had an exotic twist to them, and her dark blue skin was lovely. She entered with a warm smile, but the moment she saw the gem no longer floating between his horns, her eyes flickered to his wrists, which were missing the sealing tattoos. She froze.


    ¡°Erelia, my dear!¡± Irios said with a grin as she entered. ¡°Did you make this?¡± he pulled the enchanted Mythic Core out of his pocket and held it to the light between his thumb and forefinger.

 Chapter 38: Throw the Wizard a Bone

    Macronomicon


    Garth¡¯s eyes opened to the sound of clinking glass. He was in an unfamiliar room grown from the same shiny black stone as the rest of the castle. Still alive, I guess. There was a basket with bloody bandages beside the door, and a blanket pulled up over his chest. He was in a soft bed, and the room was softly illuminated by a magical lamp with a low-grade core shard as its base.


    Wonder who brought me here.


    A second later, the door opened, and Sandi walked through with a wooden tray full of what looked like pink fruit juice, eggs, sausage, and a bowl full of porridge. She paused when she saw his eyes were open, setting the tray down and coming to kneel beside him.


    ¡°Garth! How are you feeling!¡± she asked, brushing her soft hands over his forehead. It felt nice.


    ¡°Stabbed.¡± Garth said. There was still pain in his side where they must have taken out the blade. ¡°Were all the healers killed or something?¡±


    ¡°They said since you were stable, they were going to use healing magic on people who needed it more. You should be on your feet the day after tomorrow, at the latest.¡±


    Sounded fishy. But then again, everything seemed fishy after what he¡¯d seen from the roof. He was just glad they¡¯d woken up at all with people so blatantly corrupt running the show. Guess all of them dying mysteriously would be hard to explain.


    ¡°Guess I better get a hobby in the meantime.¡± Garth said, putting his hands under him and trying to scoot up the bed. Pain flared in his back and waist, putting that idea out of his mind pretty quickly.


    ¡°Here,¡± she said, and massive invisible hands scooped him up and put him in a seated position. Well, not quite invisible. Garth squinted, and could make out the faintest outline of squiggly mana. It was moving up and down Sandi¡¯s real arms in a hypnotic pattern, moving and flickering like fire. If she let Garth inspect her naked body for a little while, he was sure he could figure out how to cast a similar invisibility spell.


    ¡°I can see you, a little.¡± Garth said conversationally, looking at where the camouflage wrapped around Sandi¡¯s head.


    She immediately ducked her head to the side, and Garth followed it with his eyes. She moved again, and he followed it.


    ¡°Stop it, geez!¡± Sandi¡¯s Lure said, her face bright pink as she put her hands over Garth¡¯s eyes. ¡°I¡¯m not used to people looking at me.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, it¡¯s more like I can see the magic that keeps you invisible. I can¡¯t actually see you. It¡¯s very pretty to watch.¡± Garth said, enjoying the feel of her skin against his. Sandi¡¯s fingers peeled away from his eyes a moment later, and she gave him a self-conscious look, idly fixing her hair and biting her lip.


    ¡°Just don¡¯t look my way too much, okay? It feels weird.¡±


    ¡°You got it.¡± Garth said, fighting back a smile.


    She watched him for a moment longer to make sure he wouldn¡¯t look at her. While it was tempting to glance at her real body every now and then to tease her, Garth didn¡¯t want to push his luck with the lovely killing machine. She might not bring him breakfast again if he did that.


    ¡°Oh, I brought you breakfast!¡± she said suddenly, her cheeks still flush with embarrassment as she went over to the stand and brought Garth the meal, settling the tray on his legs. Her eyes seemed to linger on his groin for a moment longer than necessary before she backed away and brought a stool over sitting, beside him as he ate.


    The pink juice was some kind of sweet, tangy fruit, and it was awesome, but the porridge was bland, and the sausage overcooked. Can¡¯t have everything, Garth thought as he ate, catching Sandi watching him every now and then. Garth was curious, but he decided to finish his food before he tackled whatever curveball Sandi was planning on throwing him.


    ¡°You were very brave yesterday,¡± she said, wiggling a bit in her seat in a way Garth found distracting.


    ¡°Not really, I was just doing what I had to do to live. People can do some pretty brave things if the choices boil down to being brave or dying.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think so.¡± She said, tilting her head to the side. ¡°Some people can do what they have to when they have to, and others, they fall apart. You didn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°If you insist,¡± he said, eating another sausage.


    Sandi passed the time with idle chit-chat about Earth, but he kept seeing her peeking at his crotch under the platter every now and then. Please tell me what I think is about to happen is about to happen. Knowing his luck she¡¯d probably ask him some inane question about how he peed and whether he needed her help or not. He didn¡¯t. Telekinesis was awesome, ¡®nuff said.


    Once he was done eating, Sandi took the platter away and set it on the nearby cabinet, then sat back down and caught his eyes with her gaze.


    ¡°So, I miiight have looked at your Status band, and seen some mail between you and my dad.¡±


    Well, crap, that took a left turn all of a sudden.


    ¡°And this.¡± She said, lifting up the Exotic Races of the Inner Spheres book, showing him the dog-eared section on Succubi he¡¯d been studying. Crap, now he was in for some shit for going behind her back.


    ¡°Sorry, I should have just asked-¡±


    ¡°No it¡¯s fine!¡± Sandi said hastily, putting the book down and putting a hand on his elbow. She leaned a bit closer and gave him a mischievous look. ¡°You were curious, and that makes me happy. To be honest I was curious about human men too.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Garth asked, his mind racing a mile a minute as his eyes were drawn downward to her heaving bosom. How exactly did she satisfy her curiosity?


    ¡°I asked around a bit about the thing you talked about. Interesting things I could do with my lips.¡±


    No way I¡¯m that lucky, Garth thought, his heart hammering in his chest, and his cock starting to swell.


    ¡°The general consensus was you were talking about something called a blowjob. Is that right?¡±


    ¡°well, there¡¯s¡­¡±Garths words dried up as he stared into her perfect face, full lips quirked up in a devious grin. ¡°Yeah, pretty much.¡±


    ¡°Well, I thought you were so brave the day before, and you got hurt so bad, you should get a nice reward. All the men I asked agreed that a blowjob was a great way to reward you, but the problem is I¡¯ve never tried it before so¡­wanna teach me how to do it?¡±


    Wilson was jumping up and down on the cabinet in excitement, causing the glass of juice to topple over and spill what little was left onto the wooden tray. Garth briefly considered throwing the lizard out, but it was an extension of himself, whatever he saw, Wilson saw. Dirty bastard.


    ¡°Yes. Yes I do.¡± Garth said, locking the door with a wave of his hand. No one was going to interrupt this. That could bite him in the ass if Sandi decided to eat him, but Garth was willing to roll those dice.


    ¡°Okay, first thing, crawl up on the end of the bed there,¡± Garth pointed toward his feet, and Sandi complied, her sinuous body arcing gracefully as she climbed up, looking up at him from the bottom of the bed. Her position made her breasts almost completely visible.


    ¡°Step two, lose the top and bottom, but keep the underwear.¡± Sandi grinned and slide the sheer tank top over her head, and the clothing dissolved into motes of light, and her jeans simply faded away, leaving only the thin black strap of cloth disappearing between her legs. Garth could make out the folds of her womanhood, cloaked by the black fabric.


    ¡°Now what?¡± Sandia asked with a grin, her plump breasts swaying as she looked him over.


    ¡°Now it¡¯s going to get a bit technical. You asked me to teach you, so I will. Take off my pants, but be careful of the wound.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± she said, carefully pulling his waistband, yelping when his cock sprung free. Garth was already ready for action, and his member was glad to be set loose from the restraining cloth.


    ¡°Wow, that¡¯s..¡± she said, her pupils dilating as she reached for it.


    ¡°Not just yet,¡± Garth said in a strict tone, causing Sandi to freeze, hand hovering so close to him he could feel the heat. ¡°Take the pants the rest of the way off, the waistband cuts into the side of a man¡¯s thighs and is slightly unpleasant. The ideal blowjob is sans pants.¡±


    Sandi complied, shimmying his pants all the way off, her nipples brushing his thighs as she worked, tracing intense sensation up his legs. Garth fought back the urge to raise his legs and bump them against those soft orbs of flesh.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said when she finished. ¡°Now you can come take a closer look.¡± He spread his legs around Sandi, and she leaned forward until she was lying between his legs, propped up on her elbows. From Garth¡¯s semi-seated position, he could make out the lovely mounds of soft skin pooling on the bed in front of her, tantalizingly close to his cock, along with her massive rounded ass that looked like it would be heaven to plunge into, deeper and deeper, until he was knocking on her cervix.


    This was fun.


    ¡°Now the lecture,¡± he said as Sandi began to play with his cock, pinching the tip between her fingers and turning it this way and that as she inspected all eight inches. Garth¡¯s cock was a grower, fitting nicely in his pants when it wasn¡¯t in use. Hard, it had a bit of an obelisk shape, a tiny bit wider toward the base than the tip. Natalie had never been able to deepthroat the whole thing on account of it¡¯s stiffness near the base, but she did her best.


    ¡°Aw, a lecture?¡±


    ¡°You asked, I teach. First thing, get some spit on your palm and wrap your hand around it firmly but gently.¡±


    Sandi¡¯s long pink tongue uncoiled from her mouth as she watched him, licking up her hand in a sensual way that gave Garth goosebumps. The girl was definitely a natural. She then got a good grasp on his base, sending shivers up his spine.


    ¡°Now stroke it up and down, gently, make sure the spit is working well as lube, if you start dragging the skin around a lot, it¡¯s probably hurting me.¡±


    Basic, high school level shit, but you gotta start somewhere.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said cheerfully. ¡°So this is a blowjob?¡±


    Garth chuckled, shaking his head. ¡°This is a handjob.¡± She gave him a suspicious look, but didn¡¯t stop stroking his shaft. Her inhumanly soft skin sliding up and down his cock made his toes curl.


    ¡°There¡¯s almost no such thing as just a blowjob. If you ever need to talk, or make the blowjob feel better, you¡¯ve gotta know how to do a handjob.¡±


    ¡°Seems pretty easy,¡± she said, glancing up at him. ¡°And you seem like you¡¯re having a good time.¡±


    ¡°That is¡­true,¡± he said, fighting down a wave of pleasure. ¡°But we haven¡¯t gotten to the blowjob.¡±


    ¡°How do I do that?¡±


    ¡°You put your mouth around my cock, put your lips over your teeth, tighten down with your lips, and bob your head up and down. You¡¯re basically simulating a woman¡¯s pussy with your mouth.¡±


    Sandi¡¯s eyebrows raised, but she wiggled forward, her warm breasts coming into contact with Garth¡¯s thighs. She angled his cock toward her mouth, awkwardly made a ring with her lips and then sank down on it. All. The. Way. Down.


    ¡°Holy-¡° Garth groaned in pleasure.


    Sandi¡¯s head came back up with a pop of released air. ¡°Did I do something wrong?¡±


    ¡°No, that¡¯s good, actually. Most girls can¡¯t go all the way down like that. You must not have a gag reflex.¡± Or need to breath, for that matter. Garth was starting to feel a bit too lucky. Wonder if that¡¯s what her dad feels like all the time.


    ¡°Is that bad?¡± she asked shyly, remembering to stroke his cock while she spoke.


    ¡°I fucking love it.¡± Garth answered.


    ¡°Cool.¡± Sandi said, returning her mouth to his cock, her lips smoothly going from the base of his cock all the way to his head, then back down again, stuffing him down her throat as she went.


    By the power of Greyskull! Garth thought, lights dancing in his vision as she slowly sped up, gaining confidence.


    ¡°Pacing will determine how long I last. Go slow if you want me to feel good for a long time, go fast and hard if you wanna make me cum right away.¡±


    Sandi nodded, keeping her pace gentle and slow, occasionally pulling back too far and slipping off his cock with a pop.


    I could get used to this, Garth thought as he leaned back and enjoyed himself.


    ¡°Looks like you¡¯ve got the basics down well enough,¡± he said, catching her attention.


    She pulled away and gently stroked his cock, a bit of drool hanging from her tongue.


    ¡°Now I have one more thing to teach you, and the rest is experimentation.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    Garth held up three fingers. ¡°There are three parts to driving a guy wild. First is sight, which you¡¯re a natural at. Human men are very sight oriented, and the sight of a beautiful body drives us stupid crazy. You¡¯ve got the look people would kill for, the only way you can get better would be to actively try to maximize the amount of stimulus I get when I look at you.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± she asked, her brows furrowed. Garth might be getting a bit technical, but this was good information to know.


    ¡°Human men like faces, tits, asses, legs, and feet.¡± Garth said, pointing at each of them. ¡°I don¡¯t really get the foot thing, but apparently it¡¯s pretty popular. If you arrange yourself so that I can see more of those, it¡¯ll make the blowjob more intense for me.¡±


    Sandi brought her legs up beneath her, pushing up her hips and spreading her legs out while arching her back to push her breasts forward. Where she human, Garth would have cried photoshop. As it was, it gave him a pretty good view of each of his listed features.


    She looked up at Garth, her green eyes wide and trusting. ¡°Like this?¡±


    ¡°Just like that. You can push your breasts around my cock for added impact if you feel like giving me a treat. There¡¯s something called a titjob that we can get into later. Anyway, the second thing is how a blowjob feels, you can get better at that with practice and doing things like playing with my balls, using your tongue, and stuff like that. We can set that one aside for now.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± She said, reaching her left hand underneath Garth and fondling his balls, sending tickling pleasure up his spine.


    ¡°The third and last thing is the most complicated one, and that¡¯s getting in my head.¡± Garth pointed to his head. She looked like she was about to do something so Garth hastily clarified.


    ¡°Not literally in my head. I mean give my mind stimulation. Usually with your words. It¡¯s called dirty talk, and some people have a harder time with it than others.¡±


    ¡°Oh, how do I do that?¡± She asked, squishing her breasts around his cock and experimentally sliding them up and down.


    ¡°Generally the first two are good enough, Oh, Beladia that feels good.¡± Garth¡¯s eyes felt like they were going to roll back in his head as she began stroking his shaft with her soft tits, dribbling drool into the valley of her breasts. Girl was a fast learner. At least when it came to sex. Maybe it was because she had a barometer to tell exactly how turned on he was at any given time. She could feel it.


    ¡°If you wanna do dirty talk, generally you tell me something exciting. Something that will push me over the edge.¡±


    She thought about it for a moment, her breasts moving up and down faster and faster.


    ¡°This feels really good.¡± She said with a smile as her hips slowly rocked. ¡°Doing this feels amazing, it¡¯s like your pleasure is feeding back into me. I love giving you blowjobs.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s pretty good. I think I¡¯m gonna-¡±


    ¡°I can barely resist the urge to take a bite.¡±


    What-Oh crap.


    Garth glanced up and just barely made out Sandi¡¯s real body looming over him, only able to make out the faint, nearly invisible shifting pattern of mana. When did she get so close?


    ¡°Sandi.¡± Garth said. ¡°I want you to listen very closely.¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡± she asked, stroking his cock with a feverish intensity, her long tongue lapping at his head every time it peeked between her soft breasts.


    ¡°I want you to take your real mouth, and put it around the wooden headboard, okay?¡±


    She frowned for a moment before she nodded, and the mass over him leaned forward, putting her mouth around the solid wood framing his bed. Garth leaned out of the way.


    ¡°Now the first part was good, but the thing about wanting to bite me was more scary than sexy. Try telling me about something you want me to do to you.¡± Garth said, watching Sandi¡¯s real body carefully. The Succubus twitched a little, but didn¡¯t move.


    ¡°When I was a little girl, I spied on dad putting mom in her breeding harness. She looked like it felt so good. I want you to tie me up until I can¡¯t move and breed me. I want you to mount me, cum deep inside and make me pregnant while I¡¯m helpless,¡± She said breathily, jerking him off frantically between her slick breasts.


    That pushed Garth over the edge. A rush of pleasure overwhelmed his senses, and Garth came into her mouth as Sandi¡¯s jaws twitched closed reflexively around the headboard, filling the room with the sound of splintering wood.


    Garth gasped as Sandi¡¯s lure leaned back, shaking in apparent orgasm, straining to keep all his focus on Sandi¡¯s real body, which was slowly chewing the headboard above him.


    A moment later, her Lure stopped twitching, and her eyes refocused on Garth. ¡°Oh, that was wonderful. I think I like giving blowjobs¡­wait.¡± She noticed the torn apart headboard and the splintered wood in her mouth, and started spitting it out, apologizing.


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, I almost- I didn¡¯t¡­I wasn¡¯t¡­¡± Her face went crimson as she spat out pieces of wood on the floor.


    ¡°It¡¯s cool, I handled it. With the right prep-¡± like a giant chew toy ¡°-I¡¯d be more than happy to get that blowjob you owe me.¡±


    ¡°I owe you?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Yeah, you finished me off with a titjob, well done, by the way. But! You promised a blowjob, ergo, you still owe me one.¡±


    She shook her head, the corners of her mouth turning up, and she looked like she was about to say something when there was a rattle, followed by a knock at the door.


    ¡°Yo, plant guy,¡± Tyler¡¯s voice intruded in their moment. ¡°I wanna talk to you.¡±

 Chapter 39: Bad Business Partners

    Sandi¡¯s clothes reappeared as if by magic, and without waiting for Garth to get dressed, she opened the door and fled the room, her face bright red, forgetting to take the tray with her. Garth just barely managed to pull the covers over himself before Tyler strode inside, craning his neck to follow Sandi¡¯s Lure down the hall as long as he could.


    He whistled, ¡°Damn, didn¡¯t think the girl doing the walk of shame would be that hot. You know where I can find a bitch like that?¡±


    Wilson gave Tyler a glare that would have melted rock if it weren¡¯t all in Garth¡¯s head.


    ¡°Don¡¯t do that.¡± Garth said, taking his hands away from the blankets and growing himself a cannabis Christmas tree with an emphasis on pain-killing and prolonging the endorphin rush. Marijuana was nothing if not flexible.


    ¡°Do what?¡± Tyler asked, his brows furrowed.


    ¡°shame women for having sex. It makes it harder for for nice guys like me to get laid." Garth exhaled a plume of smoke toward Tyler''s face, guiding it along with Telekinesis.


    "With the end of the world, I figure we got a good shot at reshaping society''s mores, so why would you want to be an asshole?"


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what the fuck you¡¯re talking about, but it made you sound like a bitch.¡± Tyler said.


    ¡°Whatever.¡± Garth rolled his eyes and plucked a painkilling cigar, drawing a deep breath of smoke, waiting for the aching in his side to go away. He¡¯d tensed a bit too much there at the end. ¡°What do you want?¡±


    ¡°That trick with the pot, can you do it with anything?¡±


    ¡°As long as it¡¯s made from a plant, yeah.¡±


    ¡°How about this?¡± Tyler asked, pulling out a little plastic bag filled with white powder.


    ¡°The hell is that?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Cocaine. I thought you were Captain Contraband or some shit.¡± Tyler said with a sneer.


    ¡°Believe it or not, before the world went to hell, I wasn¡¯t a drug dealer. And I can¡¯t make jack shit from a purified chemical in a bag, I¡¯d need a partially alive Coca branch at the very least. You got one of those on ya?¡± Garth returned his own sneer.


    ¡°Nope, but I could. The place I was before I got dragged to this shithole had a couple fields within branch-snagging distance. Not very well guarded since half the people that ran ¡®em started eating the other half, you know. They¡¯re actually dying out on account of a lack of farmers. I heard the aliens are planning on sending everyone back to the outpost closest to where they came from, so maybe you and I could work something out, what with you being a portable growing operation.¡±


    It seemed like Tyler wanted to make Garth into his drug-dispenser bitch after all.


    ¡°I¡¯ll stop you right there.¡± Garth said, pointing at Tyler with the lit cigar. ¡°Nobody¡¯s treating me like a portable growing operation, and I¡¯m not interested in growing a drug that ruins peoples lives. I¡¯ll agree to do two things if you¡¯re still on board.¡±


    Tyler¡¯s face soured, but he asked, ¡°What two things?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll tweak the plant to grow in more adverse conditions so you can grow it wherever you want, I¡¯ll give it a higher concentration of cocaine, and¡­¡±


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°And I¡¯ll make it less addictive, and remove withdrawal symptoms completely. From what I¡¯ve seen so far, I might be able to do that. The chemicals in plants aren¡¯t actually chemicals anymore, exactly, they¡¯re an expression of intent.


    The skinhead blinked.


    ¡°That¡¯s just stupid. Coke being addictive is where the money comes from.¡±


    ¡°Caffeine is only mildly addictive, and caffeine withdrawal is not life-destroying. Pepsi and coca cola made billions a year, and it wasn¡¯t just because of the sugar-water.¡±


    ¡°If you wanna make it for pussies, just use caffeine, then!¡±


    ¡°I never said I was going to dial down the effect,¡± Garth said. ¡°Matter of fact, I might be able to make it last longer, and let you come down easier, rather than feeling like a used condom when it runs its course.¡±


    Tyler stared at him like he was crazy, fingering the knife on his belt.


    ¡°Think about it this way. Fifteen years from now, there are two brands of coke on the market. Tyler-coke, and Garth-coke, respectively. Garth-coke lasts longer, you feel better afterwards, the high is better, you don¡¯t have to be afraid of getting addicted, it¡¯s legal, and it¡¯s cheap. Tyler-coke is illegal, expensive, underperforms in every respect, and you can get addicted, and Tyler-dealers are known to take advantage of their customer¡¯s desperation to get their dicks wet.¡±


    ¡°I like that part,¡± Tyler said with a grin.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you do.¡±


    Then Tyler¡¯s face turned serious. ¡°Besides, it¡¯s a chemical, cocaine is cocaine. You can¡¯t change that. If they¡¯re both pure, it¡¯ll be the same.¡±


    ¡°I guess you¡¯re right.¡± Garth admitted. ¡°I won¡¯t be making coke. I¡¯ll be making something better than coke. Something coke can¡¯t compete with. Are you interested?¡± The thug thumbed his chin for a minute, watching Garth speculatively.


    Garth had never been particularly good at reading people, but every part of Tyler¡¯s body language screamed ¡®I¡¯m gonna betray you!¡¯


    ¡°We¡¯ll see. Where you at?¡±


    ¡°If you get a branch, or better yet, a seed, to L.A. alive, that¡¯s where I¡¯m headed.¡±


    ¡°L.A.? What¡¯s there?¡±


    ¡°Beachfront property and a bunch of multimillion dollar mansions in need of new owners.¡±


    ¡°Ah, cute, you planning on setting up shop on nine oh two one oh? Palm trees, bikinis, and shit?¡±


    ¡°Pretty much.¡±


    ¡°I like it.¡± Tyler said, his hand creeping towards his knife again. You know I can see you, right? ¡°But I think your plan is shit.¡±


    ¡°Oh? I guess fifteen years from now we¡¯re gonna see my little hypothetical play out.¡±


    ¡°Not if I take you back to Mexico and put a bullet in your head unless you do what I tell you.¡±


    Welp, this took a wrong turn somewhere, Garth thought to himself as the grinning drug dealer advanced. Now he had to put the fear of Garth in him, which wasn¡¯t on Garth list of favorite things to do. Making people afraid of you was stressful, ulcer inducing work.


    ¡°Oh, why don¡¯t you try then?¡± Garth said, motioning to his supine form under the bedsheets. ¡°I¡¯m sure you can carry a hundred and eighty pounds no problem, ¡®less you¡¯re even more of a bitch than you look.¡±


    ¡°With pleasure.¡± Tyler said with a grin, pulling his knife. ¡°Minus that smartass tongue.¡±


    Garth put up a palm sized Force Shield in front of Tyler¡¯s nose, focusing on getting all the power he could with his meager skill into that tiny space. The thug obliged by lunging forward and smacking into the invisible plane of force with all his forward momentum.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± Tyler shouted, recoiling backward, dropping his knife and clutching his face. Not wanting to miss an opportunity, Garth snatched up the knife with Telekinesis and pressed the blade against Tyler¡¯s neck.


    Tyler went stiff, his own blade pressing into the skin above his jugular.


    ¡°Now Tyler,¡± Garth said with a calm, measured voice, making every effort not to allow the panic he felt to seep into his speech. Garth could still only move five or ten pounds at a time, and If Tyler put his hand up to the knife, he could wrestle it out of Garth¡¯s control in a fraction of a second. After that, things would get complicated.


    ¡°I want you to understand that I¡¯ve got more ways to kill you than an illiterate thug like you can count.¡± For emphasis, Garth summoned a flickering bead of fire above his right palm, and summoned Woody with his left. The use of three spells simultaneously ignited a blazing headache as Garth divided his attention between them.


    Tyler¡¯s gaze flickered to the knife under his chin, the young treant glaring at him, and the flickering bead of fire. It wasn¡¯t supposed to be flickering, but Tyler didn¡¯t need to know that.


    ¡°Three?¡± He said, raising a brow.


    ¡°You don¡¯t see the fourth one?¡± Garth asked incredulously, tilting his head as a little ditty played in his head. Bluff, bluff, bluffity bluuufff! It sounded a bit like Wilson. If Tyler decided to take Garth, he¡¯d drop everything except Woody and hope the noise of them fighting attracted enough attention to save his skin.


    Tyler must have bought it, though, as he turned pale and his eyes began scanning the room, looking for the mysterious fourth threat. Excellent.


    It was in the middle of this standoff that Itet opened the door, drawing their gaze. She glanced in, taking in the scene. As usual, her Tzetin body language seemed completely unreadable to a normal human, but Garth could make out Anger/Protectiveness in the way her antennae twitched.


    ¡°I guess it was five.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°You want me to kill him?¡± She asked. ¡°If I hung him upside down in the larder, I don¡¯t think the shinta would be able to tell he was human until after we leave. Or maybe just feed him to Sandi.¡±


    ¡°Thanks, Itet, but Tyler and I were just resolving our differences. Right?¡±


    Tyler nodded, and his knife lifted away from his neck and sheathed itself.


    ¡°Keep this in mind, Tyler.¡± Garth called after him. ¡°You didn¡¯t make the business decisions before the world ended, I can tell. I think you should stick to what you¡¯re good at.¡±


    The skinny thug straightened his jacket and walked out, staring at Itet for a moment on the way out.


    ¡°And you¡¯ll always have a job opportunity with me if you want it! Just come to L.A. with the right plants.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± Tyler said, stepping out of the room.


    Itet waited a moment, her head cocked as she listened to the fading footsteps. ¡°He¡¯s gone,¡± she said, turning to look at Garth. ¡°Why offer him a job when he obviously wants to kill you?¡±


    ¡°In business you gotta work with people you don¡¯t like, so I left the door open. Tyler could be an excellent connection to a lot of interesting plants from the south, and I don¡¯t think he wants to kill me so much as scare me into doing what he says. Probably. By the way, thanks for playing along by offering to kill him. I think that was the last straw that changed his mind.¡±


    ¡°Playing along?¡±


    ¡°Nevermind.¡± Garth said. ¡°So what are you doing here?¡±


    ¡°I heard there¡¯s going to be speeches given by the apostles tonight, and if you¡¯re still bedridden by the time that happens, you¡¯ll be excluded.¡±


    ¡°Why should I care about that?¡± Garth didn¡¯t want to give a speech. Hell, the opportunity to skip because he was wounded was a blessing in disguise.


    ¡°They said it was some kind of recruiting drive. Apostles use the time between missions to build a following.¡±


    Garth took a deep breath and dragged his palms down over his face while heaving an enormous sigh. Of course there were recruiting drives, why not? Everyone had seen who had preformed the best, and would decide whose camp they wanted to join at the end of the campaign.


    ¡°What is this, prom king and queen?¡± Garth groaned. No, he knew it was real politics, where you had to go out in front of people and make a splash, but there wasn¡¯t a hell of a lot of difference. I can¡¯t afford not to get whatever extra man/womanpower I can, though, so I might as well. There¡¯s also some debts I need to pay.


    ¡°Okay, new plan,¡± Garth said, pulling a coin out of his Status Band. ¡°Take this ten thousand credit coin, give it to Sandi and see if she can bribe one of the healers to get me ambulate before the speeches tonight.¡±


    ¡°I think I could do it.¡± Itet said. ¡°I would like to try.¡±


    Garth wordlessly drew a second coin from his bank account and handed it to Itet. ¡°There you go, give one to Sandi, then the two of you can see who convinces someone to get here first.¡±


    Itet gave the Tzetin smile and nodded as an afterthought before turning away. ¡°I¡¯ll get this right to her, then we compete!¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± Garth said, waving her out.


    ¡°If she¡¯d really learned, she wouldn¡¯t tell Sandi at all.¡± Wilson said beside him.


    ¡°Shush, she¡¯s trying.¡±


    ***


    Happy to help, Ms Sandi!¡± the shinta healer said, poking Garth¡¯s ribs with the scissors he was using to remove Garth¡¯s bandages. His eyes were drifting to where Sandi was leaning over to watch in rapt attention, her breasts swinging low in her nearly-transparent black shirt.


    Garth was almost too distracted to notice the scissors jabbing into his side, but it pulled him out of his stupor.


    ¡°Watch it!¡± Garth hissed.


    Itet was in the corner with her arms crossed, her antennae showing Confusion/Anger. ¡°I don¡¯t understand, he said he¡¯d be right over after getting his things!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to ask you for that ten grand back, as long as you learned your lesson.¡± Garth said, stretching and peeling the rest of the bandages off his torso before throwing on a shirt.


    ¡°Yes, watch the person I bribed until they do as I requested!¡±


    ¡°Wanna field this one Sandi?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°You gotta make sure they¡¯re the kind of person that takes bribes normally, and follows through with them before you do anything, and sometimes it¡¯s best to pay after they do what you ask, like so. Here you go sugar.¡± Sandi handed the healer a hefty ten thousand credit gold coin and kissed him on the cheek. The shinta gave the three of them an odd look before stumbling out the door, his knees weak.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t hurt that Sandi¡¯s incredibly attractive to whoever¡¯s looking at her.¡± Garth said


    ¡°This is so complicated.¡± Itet shook her head, looking at the floor.


    ¡°You¡¯ll get a handle on it, but right now I gotta go make the scene.¡± Garth handed them a few hundred credits each. ¡°Go have fun, dolls.¡±


    ¡°I am not a doll.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t I come watch?¡±


    ¡°Whatever you wanna do,¡± he said, tromping out the door. ¡°I¡¯m late!¡±


    ***


    Garth almost missed the opening, and they relegated him to the last seat of the night, which wasn¡¯t too bad of a position to be in as long as he could make a shocking enough entrance to wipe the other speeches from their minds.


    Jim¡¯s speech was well rehearsed. The kid had plenty of practice with stuff like this. Leanne¡¯s was a bit shakier, but she seemed to be able to sway the crowd and target the specific things that they cared about, until they were cheering like rabid fans. Interesting. Erik¡¯s speech was awful, and the poor guy seemed to have stage fright in front of the couple thousand assembled humans. Poor guy, guess he had some weaknesses after all.


    Finally Garth¡¯s turn came around, and general Kenra waved him up onto the stage. ¡°And finally, the most powerful Apostle of Beladia, goddess of Hearth, Nature and Love.¡±


    Garth eyed the shinta general as he passed. The blue-skinned general didn¡¯t give any indication that he knew Garth was onto his dirty little secret. Probably didn¡¯t care either. If a general was in on it, chances were the problem went all the way to the top and there wasn¡¯t a damn lot Garth could do about it. Not yet, anyway.


    He turned his gaze away from the bastard and eyed the stand in front of him, bracing a thin spiderweb of some silvery substance woven around a tiny marble of enchanted dungeon core, designed to catch and magnify vibrations. Oh, look, a microphone, neat.


    Garth swept his gaze across the assembled men and women, who looked up at him without much expectation. Most of them hadn¡¯t seen him except in passing when they took breaks in the castle. Matter of fact, he saw quite a few people giving him hard looks. Probably because they thought he was able to avoid most of the danger by being the stockboy, which was true.


    Garth glanced at Wilson, who gave him a thumbs up. He winked back. I¡¯m gonna do it.


    Garth leaned into the microphone and said, ¡°Quick show of hands, how many of you are into Minotaur cock?¡±

 Chapter 40: The Speech

    Garth swept his gaze over the stunned crowd. ¡°Nobody? Okay, you don¡¯t need to actually raise your hands. If you¡¯re cruising for a cervical bruising, when they send you back, go to Earth outpost three thousand five hundred and seventeen, that¡¯s three five one seven, ask for Brian the minotaur. He¡¯s a pretty nice guy, real down to earth, has a six pack, his own business, a house safely inside the city walls, and a cock like this.¡±


    Garth held his arms apart for emphasis. ¡°Lightweights need not apply, ¡®less you¡¯ve got a death wish. I dunno, might be squishy like Ron Jeremy¡¯s, but I ain¡¯t gonna find out for you.¡±


    There was a smattering of chuckles, a bit of nervous laughter. Well, at least he did right by Brian. Maybe something would come of it, who knew. He made sure to point out Brian had a nice safe place to live and a stable income. People probably found that pretty damn attractive right now.


    ¡°What the hell is this?¡± Tyler demanded from the back of the stage. ¡°We have to listen to this bullshit?¡±


    ¡°We had to listen to your bullshit about being the kings of the south and getting all the pussy and coke therin.¡± Leanne said, rolling her eyes.


    ¡°That¡¯s right,¡± Kenra said. ¡°Each of you is allotted five minutes of uninterrupted time to make a case for yourself as a leader.¡±


    ¡°Uninterrupted?¡± Garth asked, glancing over his shoulder at Kenra, who nodded.


    ¡°Cool.¡± Garth turned back to the audience of bedraggled humans, scanning the sea of faces as he organized his thoughts. He had a bigger goal than appealing to a couple thousand people, and this seemed like as good a time as any to get started on it.


    ¡°Alright, listen up, I¡¯m gonna talk fast because five minutes isn¡¯t a lot of time to cover everything I wanna get done today. This,¡± he said, pulling a Mythic Core out of his Status band. ¡°Is a Mythic Core. They¡¯re basically priceless, and the five million credit bounty for them is chump change. These things generate massive amounts of power and last indefinitely, as far as I know. If you get one, hold on to that sucker. These are the entire reason the Inner Spheres give one iota of a crap about us. Don¡¯t trade it for a blanket and a place to sleep, keep it on Earth. Spread the word. Don¡¯t be jackasses and kill people trying to steal them from each other either, we need to have the human population bounce back as quick as possible, so we don¡¯t have time for that.¡±


    ¡°That being said, you might be wondering how to spread the word, how to get into contact with friends and loved ones that were across the country when the shit hit the fan. I¡¯ve got you covered. The Inner sphere Postal Service is located in the government building about a block away from the Gate in each outpost. Outposts are all built the same, so once you find one, you¡¯ve got a good idea where to find the others. To send a letter, write the name of the person you¡¯re trying to get into contact with on the address. Luckily for us, the letters are magical, and can read who you intend to send it to and pinpoint that person anywhere in the multiverse; pretty cool tech. They also have a catalogue of services to get into contact with on request, including lawyer services, citizenship advocates and land claims associates. Don¡¯t come crying to me when a guy waves a piece of paper in your face and tells you you don¡¯t own your land; he does. Give them about five credits for postage, fifty for inter-reality mail. The standard package is a tube a little smaller than my forearm. Be sure to add a few credits and opt for return service if you¡¯re not sure if the people in question are anywhere near an outpost, like relatives potentially hiding in caves or abandoned buildings.¡±


    ¡°You mean you could have found out whether mom and dad were alive this whole time!?¡± Jim demanded from the row of leading apostles.


    ¡°Please save any questions for the end of the demonstration, thank you.¡± Garth said, giving Jim the finger.


    ¡°You may have noticed a few people wearing these shiny gizmos.¡± He raised his left arm to show them his Status band. ¡°These fancier ones have a connection to something called the Ethernet. It¡¯s a bit like the internet was back in the mid nineties, if any of you were around for that.¡± Garth pointed at a man about the same age as him in thick leather armor. ¡°This dude knows what I¡¯m talking about. Anybody with one of these can send free mental letters to and from anybody else with an ethernet connection, along with pictures and scanned documents with the right equipment. There¡¯s no games, but I think we can all agree that there¡¯s more important things at stake here.¡±


    There was another light chuckle, but people were paying close attention to his words. Any of them smarter than a shit-flinger like Tyler understood that he was spelling out the way to work the new system rather than being trampled by it.


    ¡°Build a network. Get in contact with other humans across the globe, make an infrastructure. Help each other out.¡± He paused a moment to let that sink in. The quicker he could restablish communication across the planet, the better.


    ¡°That being said, some of you might not have enough money to buy your own fancy Ethernet capable status bands, so I¡¯m gonna front the bill here.¡±


    Garth held his hand to his Status Band and drew out a thick stack of thousand credit coins. He glanced over the crowd, and chewed on the problem of how he was going to distribute so much money evenly in another two minutes.


    ¡°Leanne, would you mind?¡± Garth asked, glancing over his shoulder.


    ¡°Twenty upfront!¡± Leanne barked, and twenty men and women stepped smoothly forward. Garth still didn¡¯t know exactly how her ability worked, but it was coming in handy right here.


    ¡°Hand those out,¡± Garth murmured, handing each of the twenty a big stack of thousand credit coins. Ouch. This was going to Destroy his bank account, but the payoff was worth it. ¡°Come back when you run out.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s enough money there to get three primo Status Bands, and a little more for mail besides, if you want to establish a line of communication with your families.¡± Garth said, sitting on the edge of the stage and passing out money. If it worked for Oprah, it could work for him.


    ¡°Hi Doug.¡± Garth said intimately into the microphone as Doug walked by, shaking his head as he received a fist-sized stack of coins. ¡°Good to see you¡¯re alive.¡±


    He turned his attention back to the audience.


    ¡°Once you get access to the Ethernet, you can get into contact with me or any of these other fine specimens,¡± Garth said, waving to the people behind him.


    ¡°If you¡¯re looking for more ways to use those Status Bands, I¡¯m looking to outsource some work, so if you need some easy cash, send me a letter with your name and your country of residence and I¡¯ll send you a list with plants I¡¯m looking for in your area. If you live in South America, the Congo, or Australia, you can bet your sweet ass there¡¯s plants I want from there. Each one you send me via messenger service will get you five to ten thousand credits per sample. This is on a first-come, first-served basis, since I only need one of each kind. My name is Garth Daniels, just think of my handsome mug when you¡¯re writing your letter and it¡¯ll make it.¡±


    ¡°As an apostle of Beladia, there¡¯s one thing I can offer you that the rest of these people can¡¯t: A life. I can feed you. I can pay you. I can feed your family, I can house you, I can clothe you. I can give you a place to sleep, and a job. Safety. But I can¡¯t do it all alone. I¡¯ve reached a bottleneck in what I can do with just these two hands. Spread the word to your friends and family in I¡¯m looking for, in no particular order, people who are comfortable enforcing the law for a living, former police officers and emergency response teams would be a huge benefit. I need clerks to keep track of the paperwork in the new city hall, People to maintain roads, people to raise cattle and weed crops, people to engineer aqueducts, people to cook the food, people to ensure sanitation. People to learn healing spells and construction spells. People to mass produce spellbooks.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s illegal.¡± Kenra said.


    ¡°I¡¯m not a citizen.¡± Garth replied.


    ¡°I just need people, plain and simple, you show up, you get a job, and food on your plate. But more than anything else, I need MILFs.¡±


    Garth chuckled as he watched his social value in these people¡¯s eyes plummet. The faces that had been lighting up with hope turned dark. Maybe he shouldn¡¯t have sprung that on them so early, but what the hell. Might as well filter out the prudes early.


    ¡°Humanity needs more people, so if you want to come to L.A. where I¡¯m setting up shop and make people professionally,¡± Garth said, chuckling as he scanned the crowd. ¡°Then you¡¯ll get room and board and a healthy paycheck, with no chance of getting eaten by the monsters that are scouring the Earth. It¡¯s only going to get worse. The dungeons have been seeded, and monsters completely unlike the Kipling have begun roaming the wilderness. You saw what can happen. You saw people killed at this very spot. If you or someone you know would rather make money raising a family in return for a one hundred percent guaranteed safe life, I can make that happen.¡±


    ¡°Alright, that¡¯s five minutes,¡± Kenra said, uncrossing his arms. The guy didn¡¯t look very happy, but then again, Garth was pretty sure he hadn¡¯t ever seen him happy.


    ¡°Remember. Minotaur cock, outpost three five one seven, ask for Brian.¡± Kenra started walking toward him when he didn¡¯t immediately vacate the microphone. ¡°I¡¯m Garth Daniels, I¡¯ll be in L.A. You want a safe place for your family? I got one.¡± Kenra finally wrestled the microphone away from Garth¡¯s fingers, and Garth stood back, waving as he rejoined the rest of the Ranking Apostles.


    ¡°Wow,¡± Leanne said, watching him and shaking her head.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t send a letter to mom and dad?¡± Jim asked.


    ¡°I stopped after the one I sent to Natalie didn¡¯t come back.¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°Maybe you should send them a letter?¡± he brushed past the rest of the apostles, and paused by Tyler long enough to whisper in his ear.


    ¡°Still think you¡¯re the only asshole that can bring me a coca plant?¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 41: Letters

    Dear Mom and Dad.


    I hope you¡¯re both okay, I know this is a long shot, but I don¡¯t know any other way to get in contact with you. I¡¯m alive, Garth is too. We¡¯re on an alien planet, if you can believe it, fighting monsters for some Colonial alien regime. We¡¯re both doing okay. Garth is doing better than me, if you can believe it. He seems to have found his calling, taking to all this crazy shit like a fish to water. I¡¯ve jumped six ranks in their whole military ranking scheme. I¡¯m a one star Copper soldier, whatever that means. I think it¡¯s some sort of enlistment bonus for having so many people sign up to fight with me. I still get the feeling that I¡¯m just a little fish, but my pay is better, at least, along with some rank privileges.


    The work they¡¯re forcing us to do is dangerous, and when I think about the future, I get a real bad feeling, but I think I can make it. I¡¯ve got a backup plan. I¡¯m more worried about you and dad. I¡¯m sending this letter out to each of you, with five thousand Credits, a map, and a return service. There¡¯s space on the back of the letter, Write me back, get to an outpost on the map, buy a Status Band that¡¯s Ethernet capable, and you can get in contact with me.


    New York was probably hell that day, but I hope that through some kindness of fate that you¡¯re both alive and together. I love you both.


    -Sincerely, Jim Daniels


    Yo Clark, still alive?


    I may have gotten sucked up by aliens, but I¡¯m still doing alright. With this letter, you¡¯ll find a bunch of physical reinforcement Heartstones, a map and an enchanted tube. Take one of each kind of Heartstone every four hours, we gotta get you beefy if you¡¯re gonna backpack fifty pounds of pot across the desert by yourself. I also managed to find an enchanted water-dispenser. Suck on the business end of the tube and it¡¯ll turn the mana in the air into water.


    Should be enough to walk twenty miles through the desert.


    Bandits might be a problem as you approach the outpost. Let them search you for Mythic Cores if they come across you. Don¡¯t give them any reason to think you might be hiding some, and for god¡¯s sake don¡¯t try to outrun them. Your best bet is to get inside the outpost as quickly as possible. If they steal all your shit, do your damnedest to walk away alive. Beg, borrow, or steal enough money to send me a letter, and I¡¯ll get you hooked up with enough cash to get yourself a class, spells, some clothes and a place to stay.


    Things here are starting to pick up, so get that class as soon as possible. I¡¯m juggling so many projects here I¡¯m starting to lose track of them. Having another Phytomagus on the team would be amazing.


    I know you¡¯re probably not the kind of guy that wants to work for anyone, but hear me out. I need someone to be in charge of all the new exciting drugs that will be developed and spread across the west coast. I know you were around for the sixties, you old codger. I¡¯m building a new America, and it¡¯s gonna make the free-love generation look like a nunnery.


    Think on it.


    -Garth Daniels.


    Dear Mr. Daniels:


    As your representative, it has come to our attention that your citizenship request has been suspended pending a further investigation. As per GalCode: 60-403-267, you are not eligible for citizenship until a thorough investigation into your recent financial situation has concluded. In acting in your best interests, it has come to our attention that you have recently started receiving a tithe from certain parties on your plant, and GalCode: 40-266-1557 states that unusual income must be vetted before citizenship can be granted.


    In our ongoing goal of providing the best representation possible, you should be aware that an ongoing fiscal audit takes at minimum four cycles, or 32.57 rotations around your planet¡¯s sun before the investigation can be closed. As such, you should be aware that GalCode: 3-5-20178 provides citizenship incentive for those who provide meritorious service in the ongoing battle with the Kipling, with citizenship following a full cycle of service, or achievement of Gold rank in Our Distinguished Few.


    It is possible for us to petition for an expedited hearing for your citizenship request, but the first available appoint time is in 2 cycles or 16.285 rotations around your planet. As you are a new client, please find attached a convenient 2,786 page pocket document that outlines the rights and responsibilities of citizenship, as well as the method for members of a newly introduced species to gain full citizenship.


    If you have any further questions, please feel free to send a message to our office.


    It has been our pleasure to serve you.


    Sincerely,


    -- Obhai Law Firm--


    By: --Kinereth Unjali--


    --Seceretary 3rd class--


    Mr. Daniels, We regret to inform you that after reviewing your situation, the Hertai Law Firm is unable to continue to pursue the expediting of your naturalization at this time. Your case for citizenship has been dismissed by a judge of the higher courts, as a result of a suspicion of unlawful activity in your background check. When you have achieved a higher rank in the Inner Sphere, we are confident your case may be able to push through the courts with more ease. Unfortunately our partner who handled your case, one Entria Sorgoth, has taken an unexpected early retirement. We are still searching for a replacement, and do not have the manpower to handle your case currently.


    For a bit of candid advice, if you still wish to pursue Citizenship, I recommend choosing a smaller firm more desperate for money or recognition, as your case might be perceived as toxic by larger, more well established law firms.


    -- Hertai Law Firm--


    -Best Wishes, Hogar Kelista


    --associate 1st class¡ª


    ¡°Welp, that blows.¡± Garth said, tossing another letter into the trash.


    Garth was in his underwear, sitting in a self-made wooden rocking chair, leafing through a stack of letters about as thick as his wrist while Wilson made notes on an imaginary notebook. Half of the letters were from alien law firms, explaining to him why they couldn¡¯t make his citizenship happen faster. Garth pitched those across the room with callous disregard, while the other half were from people he¡¯d tapped in other parts of the country to supply him with interesting plants, usually with the seeds taped to the letter itself or in a little plastic baggie.


    ¡°Sequoia, nice.¡± Garth said, peering at the seeds about the size of a fingernail taped to the front of the letter. He flipped to the next letter, and blinked twice. ¡°Ooooh, Curare.¡± Now there was an alkaloid with which you did not want to fuck. The seeds, according to their Moonseed namesake, looked a bit like little crescent moons. The seeds whispered of death by asphyxiation into his ears as he looked at them with voices that sounded like the soft hisses of a venomous snake.


    Wow, this was the first time he¡¯d heard a plant with such a wildly different voice. Dodder sounded kinda shifty to Garth¡¯s ear, like that relative that won¡¯t move out, but Garth¡¯s first experience with truly poisonous plants made the hair on his neck stand up.


    Definitely less friendly to mammals than Marijuana. Marijuana, wheat, fruits¡­basically anything cultivated by man to make food or be tame sounded like Beladia. It was probably all in his head as he interpreted the Plant Analysis, though.


    ¡°Make a note to try engineering Dodder to create and inject Curare into the creatures it¡¯s restraining. A paralytic poison should boost its efficacy tremendously.


    ¡°Ayup.¡± Wilson jotted down a note. ¡°Also see if safrole can be converted into MDMA inside marijuana.¡±


    ¡°I guess you could, but that would seriously cut into the production of THC and CBD. I¡¯m not sure one plant would be able to handle both processes efficiently enough.¡±


    ¡°You could probably develop a strain that could do it in a matter of a time, but it might be faster to create a symbiotic relationship between two species that could handle the chemical production separately, but grow together in the same space.¡± Wilson suggested


    ¡°Interesting.¡± Garth said as he flipped through the letters. Oh, nice, good old pine trees. They have crazy flammable sap.


    ¡°Flammable grass beds with pine sap?¡± Garth pontificated, and Wilson made a note.


    ¡°Anyway, I don¡¯t think you have to concentrate on MDMA specifically. All we have to do is isolate and improve an empathogen in the mana hardwiring of a plant, and I think there¡¯s a lot of room for work to that effect in cannabis. If MDMA doesn¡¯t exist in nature, I¡¯m probably not going to be able to transfer the trait of producing it over to another plant. Cocaine works because the Coca plant makes cocaine, Sassafrass makes Safrole, not molly.¡±


    ¡°Lame.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll figure it out, maybe Clark can make steps that direction. Bull-oak armor?¡±


    ¡°Might work, could be too brittle, modify with something more flexible perhaps?¡± Wilson said, making a note.


    ¡°how about a shoreside grass modified to have decent sized edible fruit on the end?¡±


    ¡°Like a pineapple?¡±


    ¡°A bit smaller. We¡¯ll call them shoreapples. Beach-apples? Whatever. Just looking for some easy ways to keep a beachside city in food and water with little to no access to imported goods and services.¡±


    ¡°Ah, you want a variety of highly nutritious, tasty weeds.¡±


    ¡°Basically.¡±


    ¡°Got it. You realize that might cause pest infestations, though?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s either that or making all food production only come from a handful of highly guarded sources. We¡¯re going to do that anyway, but this will allow people to be less dependent on the farms. If they¡¯re attacked, people can eat beach-apples. Damn, that needs a better name. on the disease spreading vermin front, I¡¯m sure I can make the weeds pest proof.¡±


    ¡°What if the people won¡¯t eat GMOs?¡± Wilson asked, looking him dead in the eye from the end table beside Garth¡¯s chair.


    They burst out laughing.


    ¡°Another thing we¡¯re going to need, a sanitation system.¡±


    ¡°I think I could fix some kind of Mega-cactus to filter sewage back into potable water.¡±


    ¡°Ooh, good one.¡±


    ¡°Need to find a spell with voice activated triggers so I can modify Delay Spell to key in on certain words and phrases, and allow people to use seeds on command more reliably rather than just throwing them down.¡±


    ¡°You think antipersonnel and security field spells might have what you¡¯re looking for? They have to let people in and out, so they probably use command phrases, if not something more advanced to separate friend from foe.¡±


    ¡°Might work.¡±


    ¡°On a more important note, I¡¯m going to need to investigate enchantments and very long term spells, most specifically curses, along with magic that can affect a person¡¯s state of mind.¡± Garth said


    ¡°Oh? Planning on going that last step and getting Mind Control?¡±


    ¡°No. Social engineering. Gotta have to have some way of encouraging appropriate behavior.¡±


    ¡°Sounds scary.¡± Wilson said, making a note.


    ¡°Not really, think of it as positive and negative reinforcement that subtly nudges people as soon as they commit a few specific acts I have in mind. I¡¯m not always going to be around to slap people¡¯s wrists and nobody is going to respect each other right off the bat, So I¡¯m planning to curse the town whores with a recursive spell that spreads through touch and rewards good behavior with a boost of oxycontin about the same level as a hug from two naked ladies,¡±


    ¡°Sweet. All for that.¡±


    ¡°and discourages derision, slander and especially violence, with a mild case of anxiety. On the flip side, whores who sign up will get off when they do their jobs.¡±


    ¡°Sandi got you thinking about that, huh?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°Kinda. If I¡¯m not wrong, it should gradually steer behavior without anyone getting hurt, or even knowing how it happened. It¡¯ll probably take a few years, maybe as many as an entire generation before whoring is a respected side-job. Plus they¡¯ll act as an excellent vector for the social engineering spell.¡±


    ¡°Gonna tell anyone about this?¡±


    ¡°The curse isn¡¯t going to cause any more than slight anxiety, so no. Training on humans is most effective when it¡¯s consistent, and when they don¡¯t know it¡¯s happening. I had a psychology teacher who taught a student to spin in circles while scratching his head for M&Ms because he didn¡¯t know she was doing it.¡±


    ¡°Me too.¡± Wilson said, and Garth rolled his eyes. They were the same person, so of course they had the same psychology teacher.


    ¡°I¡¯m thinking about stealing some of the people-searching magic tech from the postal service to have whores who sign the employment form fall under the curse, and have it broken when they sign their release forms.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Seems a bit¡­fascist?¡±


    ¡°Quality of life of future generations, man. I don¡¯t think I¡¯m gonna be around that long, I need some method of control and direction over these people, and we need people pumping out people as fast as possible. It¡¯s been proven time and again that rewards are more motivating than punishment.¡± Garth stopped to think about what he was saying.


    ¡°God I sound evil. Is it bad that I get off on the idea of messing with people¡¯s heads?¡±


    ¡°Probably.¡± Wilson said, scratching his lizard chin.


    ¡°And you know, with Nat I-¡° Garth stopped and swallowed that thought, getting his mind back on track.


    ¡°I¡¯m all for free love, but this seems like it might blow up in your face. Just off the top of my head, I can see you going mad with power. You know how you get when cheat codes are activated.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°Let¡¯s make a rule right here and now to prevent me from going bat-shit insane. Operant conditioning only. No direct tinkering with civilian¡¯s heads.¡±


    ¡°Jawoll, mein fuhrer.¡± Wilson saluted and jotted down the note. ¡°But, just to be fair, you should at the very least put this stuff in the fine print of the whore¡¯s contracts if they¡¯re going to be your sexy secret police.¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡± Garth said, drumming his fingers on the rocking chair. ¡°Of course we¡¯re going to test the technique on Tyler to be sure it¡¯s safe for human consumption.¡±


    ¡°Hah, yeah, fuck that guy.¡± Wilson said cheerfully.


    A knocking came from the door, and Garth glanced up from his stack of letters. A second later, Sandi peered in the door, glancing at the half-finished Great White sized dental gag in the corner of the room and blushing. She stepped inside.


    ¡°General Kenra says the troops have been sorted by company and we¡¯ve got our next assignment.¡±


    Ah well, there¡¯ll be plenty of time to worry about social engineering our boyhood wet dream and darkest desires when people aren¡¯t actively trying to get us killed. Garth put his musings aside and turned his attention to Sandi.


    ¡°How many did we get?¡±


    ¡°A hundred and twenty-five.¡± More than he¡¯d thought. Must be the minotaur cock cold open.


    ¡°Excellent.¡± Garth said, coming to his feet.

 Chapter 42: Orders

    Garth walked into the courtyard, squinting against the glaring light of the afternoon sun. All the other apostles had already received their orders, leaving Garth¡¯s small group of one hundred and twenty-eight people the only humans at the castle. The delay in their assignment made him more than a little suspicious.


    Jim had sent him a letter telling him he¡¯d been sent to singlehandedly suppress a mutated mother who¡¯d begun moving across the Kipling infested countryside.


    Leanne had been required to cleanse an ancient castle deep in the Inner Spheres that had become the home of a vampire lord who had attracted at least a dozen sentient undead and a horde of mindless spawn to his banner.


    Tyler and Erik got guard duty.


    Garth figured that people the Inner Sphere deemed a threat were getting shitty assignments in the hopes that they would die out. It made sense. Cripple Earth¡¯s fighting force by identifying their best and brightest and get them killed. He was pretty sure that¡¯s not what the gods intended, but corruption and mortal greed were powerful forces.


    After pointing out the value of Mythic cores and attempting to restablish a line of communication across continents by Oprah-ing Status Bands, Garth was fairly sure they had put his name right up there on the ¡®Do not let Live¡¯ list. It was nice to think he was Earth¡¯s best and brightest, though.


    Which was why the delay in his assignment gave him such a bad feeling. They had been cooking up something especially nasty for him, and he was about to find out what.


    Garth didn¡¯t want to charge headlong into danger. If there was any choice, he¡¯d have deserted weeks ago. Problem was, they could teleport him wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted, with or without his consent, so until Garth had a way of stopping that, he had to grit his teeth and bear it. Better a suicide mission than being teleported into the center of a sun.


    Assembled in the center of the recently repaired yard were one hundred and twenty five men and women. Garth was surprised to note that nearly half of the people there were women. They ranged between twenty-five and forty, while the rest of the soldiers were men a year or two older on average, although Garth saw a handful of rosy cheeks among them.


    ¡°Guess I didn¡¯t get the youth vote.¡± Garth remarked as he walked up, eyeing the platform that would allow him to overlook the troops. Troops, pshaw. Looks like a bunch of single moms and unshaven dads.


    He didn¡¯t fail to notice that every single one of them had purchased a Status band with his money.


    Garth swerved and rather than standing on the raised platform stood in front of it, chest out, Wilson perched on his shoulder. One hundred and twenty-five people was like what, four high school classes? He could talk to them face to face.


    ¡°Bring it in.¡± Garth said, motioning, ¡°Form a circle.¡±


    They glanced at each other curiously for a moment before complying. The assembled troop of Beladia gathered around him, but the circle was a bit wide, and Garth didn¡¯t want to raise his voice to be heard.


    ¡°Bring it in a bit closer, shorties sit in the front.¡± The short members scooted in close and sat while the taller ones took a knee, crowding in as close as they could while allowing him to see each and every one of them.


    Finally, when there was only twenty feet or so between them, Garth picked one of them out, a young Hispanic woman, maybe five years younger than him.


    ¡°Why¡¯d you join up?¡±


    ¡°My son and I were taking shelter in an outpost when I was called here, the advice you gave me let me reach him again and saved his life. If you can do what you say in L.A., That¡¯s where I want to be.¡±


    ¡°How about you?¡± Garth pointed out another guy, a bit younger than him.


    ¡°I sent my dad a map, and he got the rest of my family to an outpost.¡±


    Garth picked out a handful more, each one with a family member who¡¯d been saved or reconnected with. He was starting to spot a trend. his mind starting to chew on how to influence them. Leverage their families, obviously. That was why they were here.


    ¡°Anyone here who didn¡¯t join because they¡¯ve got family they want looked after?¡± Garth asked.


    Four young men and two young women raised their hands.


    ¡°I imagine you guys are just here for the MILFs?¡±


    ¡°Nah, man, you seem pretty cool.¡± One of the kids, a skinny teenager with olive skin and a dark bush of hair on his head spoke, putting his hand down. He glanced around, gaze settling on Sandi with a hint of a smile. ¡°Although the thought had occurred to me.¡±


    Well, he¡¯s probably gonna die.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Jamal.¡±


    ¡°Well, Jamal, I¡¯ve got some bad news.¡± He pointed at Sandi. ¡°She¡¯s taken, and the MILFs are a long-term goal. Right now the immediate problem is a lot of aliens want us dead.¡±


    ¡°How about you, what¡¯s your name and why did you join?¡± Garth asked, pointing at one of the other outliers, a girl maybe twenty years old with a full figure, deceptively large breasts and brown hair.


    ¡°I¡¯m Jess, I¡­wanted a family.¡± She said, turning bright red.


    ¡°I hate to be a downer Jess, but try not to start making people until we get back to Earth. I¡¯ve got no idea how long it¡¯s going to take for these alien bastards to let us go, and need every able body.¡± He scanned the crowd.


    ¡°But if it¡¯s a family you want, look no further. Almost every single person here joined because they¡¯ve got someone they care about, and that means something. It means you¡¯ve got stability and focus. A reason to do what you do, and a reason to come home safe.


    ¡°Some of you might not come back, but right here and now, we can make damn sure that every one of your loved ones gets taken care of.¡± Garth said, pulling a tightly bound stack of blank letters out of his Status Band.


    I feel like an insurance salesman, Garth thought as he passed the letters out.


    ¡°Address these to your family. No matter what happens, I¡¯ll pick up the slack, no matter where in the world they are, I¡¯ll make sure they¡¯re taken care of. You all joined for that reason, so let¡¯s make that resolution concrete.¡±


    Ah, the mind-numbing logistics of dealing with people.


    Garth spoke while they wrote. ¡°Let me share something with you, an epiphany I had when the kipling first came. We need each other. The others may have forgotten with their fancy powers and their superhuman strength, but the people seated here understand on some level that humans got as far as we did together. And some people being able to lift cars or explode buildings with their minds while others can¡¯t isn¡¯t going to change a damn thing. They might tell you it¡¯s survival of the fittest, they might let the temptation of power make them think they have a right to rule,¡±


    ¡°Pot, meet kettle,¡± Wilson said.


    Shaddap.


    ¡°But that¡¯s bullshit. The food they eat to the clothes they wear and the place they sleep had to come from somewhere. Humans need a tribe, no, they need a family.¡±


    When they had filled out the letters and handed them back, Garth held them up in front of them.


    ¡°This list of names is what¡¯s important. The people in these pages are the reason you joined the Apostle of Beladia, and by god, I¡¯m gonna do right by them. I¡¯m gonna march right out of the gates of hell if that¡¯s what it takes. As long as I draw breath, I¡¯m gonna make it home, and your parents, your siblings, sons and daughters, are gonna live out their days in peace. I¡¯m responsible for each and every one of them. I¡¯ve got their backs. Do you know why?¡±


    Beladia, this is such cheese. Somebody shoot me now.


    ¡°When you¡¯re here, you¡¯re family.¡± Garth said with his most serious, manly tone.


    ¡°Now with unlimited breadsticks.¡± Jamal chimed in with a grin, causing a ripple of laughter to spread through the group.


    ¡°Jamal, run around the courtyard until I tell you to stop.¡±


    The laughter died down abruptly as Jamal stared at Garth blankly, not moving from his seat. It looked like he needed a little prompting.


    ¡°Itet, make it happen.¡±


    Itet rose to her feet with an inhuman hiss. The seven foot bug warrior unsheathed all four of her swords in the blink of an eye and charged Jamal, blades spinning in front of her like a food processor. With a strangled yelp, Jamal and a few people sitting beside him lunged to their feet and scattered as Itet bore down on them. Itet homed in on Jamal and chased him across the courtyard, herding him into running circles around the courtyard. She sheathed her blades a moment later and watched him run.


    ¡°We¡¯re a family!¡± Garth shouted, spreading his arms wide.


    ¡°Manson family, maybe.¡± Wilson said. Garth ignored him.


    ¡°We¡¯re a family!¡± he repeated, and again.


    Voices slowly joined his, tremulous at first, but gaining in number and volume, until the shouts began to ring off the walls and strain his ears.


    I¡¯m so embarrassed I want to crawl into a hole and never show myself again.


    ¡°So this is what being a cult leader feels like.¡± Wilson said from his shoulder amidst the chanting. ¡°I don¡¯t like it.¡±


    ¡°You and me both.¡± Some people get off on it, apparently.


    Garth needed people willing to fight and die, to lend their power toward keeping him alive on the tenuous promise that he would protect their families strewn across the globe, entire realities away. Now all I gotta do is figure out how to deliver on that promise and we¡¯re golden.


    He felt rotten.


    Maybe this is what politicians feel like all the time?


    ¡°Nah, I think they get their kicks exercising power and balling young interns.¡± Wilson said. ¡°speaking of, that Jess girl¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t even think about it.¡±


    ¡°Come on, it¡¯d be like a public service. She wants kids!¡±


    ¡°No, I hope I don¡¯t have to go into the reasons why we¡¯re not doing that, but most of them involve getting eaten, and the rest are because it¡¯s morally wrong.¡±


    Wilson glared at him for a while, his lizard-arms crossed, before sighing and relaxing his posture. ¡°Aren¡¯t you trying to change all that puritan American squeamishness about sex stuff?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s the exploitation of a power dynamic and the deceit implicit in your suggestion that¡¯s wrong, nothing else. Also, the timing couldn¡¯t be worse, so drop it.¡±


    Garth glanced away from Wilson perched on his shoulder and noticed the people of his troop looking at him a bit odd. He could explain who he was talking to, and why, but that would be more time and effort than he was willing to put forward.


    ¡°Alright, starting with you.¡± Garth said, pointing to the woman on his left. ¡°Tell me your name, class and attributes.¡±


    ¡°My name¡¯s Samanth-¡° her self-introduction was cut short by the arrival of Kenra,


    ¡°Greetings,¡± Kenra said, approaching in his typical battle-dinged armor. The muscular blue alien held an envelope at his side as he marched toward them.


    ¡°I¡¯m here to give you your orders. Teleportation will be in two hours. Be sure to be holding or wearing everything you may need.¡±


    Kenra handed Garth the envelope, and spun on his heel, marching back the way he¡¯d come with no further explanation.


    Garth peeled the envelope open and started reading.


    1st Earth Company of Beladia.


    No less than three Outposts have gone silent without warning in the Piniipay jungles on the planet Jindar. We aren¡¯t aware of the exact situation, but it¡¯s believed that an unknown enemy force obliterated them so quickly that they were unable to send for help. The Gates are down, so your Company will be teleported a half mile outside the most recent Outpost to go dead. Adventuring parties had been sent to search for the culprit, but the topography made small scale teams impractical. Your mission is to identify the party responsible and eliminate them, then reactivate the gates so that the outposts can be rebuilt.


    An Outpost had what, ten thousand people in it, maybe a thousand of them were guards? And they expected him to fight an army that had taken them out in a matter of minutes? Yep, definitely a suicide mission. If they wanted to make it seem at least a little bit doable, they would have asked him to scout out the location of these baddies and call in the cavalry, but no, it was fairly obvious they wanted him to die.


    Garth didn¡¯t let any of this show on his face.


    ¡°Good news,¡± he said with a wry grin, picking out the only upside to the ridiculous order. ¡°They¡¯re sending us to my home turf.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re all gonna die,¡± Wilson said.

 Chapter 43: The Home Field Advantage

    ¡°Alright, grab everything you can carry, nobody says they¡¯re gonna send us back here.¡± Garth said. ¡°Raid the stockroom and the armory. Make sure you¡¯ve all got a handaxe or machete, fifty feet of rope and enough food to last a couple days. An extra pair of undies would probably be well advised.¡±


    ¡°Jamal!¡± Garth shouted, attracting the young man¡¯s attention from across the courtyard.


    ¡°Steal two of those big-ass cauldrons from the kitchens and bring ¡®em back here!¡±


    Jamal set off toward the kitchens, panting as sweat dripped from his forehead. Kid needed more exercise.


    ¡°Oh, gotta get Charlie!¡± Sandi exclaimed, hopping up and going back to retrieve her sundew from Garth¡¯s room.


    ¡°What is that girl thinking?¡± Garth asked, shaking his head. He didn¡¯t understand her fascination with the plant, but he was glad she liked it.


    The First Earth Company of Beladia finished packing up about ten minutes before they had to leave under Garth¡¯s direction, and he took that time to memorize all their names and faces. Before the world ended, he hadn¡¯t been great with names and faces, but now¡­he even picked up people¡¯s nicknames from snippets of disparate conversation going on around him, his Memory dutifully storing that information under each face.


    Recalling information about someone wasn¡¯t like looking at a screen with all their vitals written beneath it that he could leisurely scroll through, it was more like unfolding a tightly compressed rubber sheet. Whenever he thought of someone¡¯s face, the information popped open, flooding his mind with a tidal wave of minutia.


    ¡°Alright everyone, pick up your bags, ten seconds.¡± Garth said, watching the number on the bottom of the letter count down. ¡°John, Pat, cauldrons up.¡± The two biggest men with the highest strength picked their cauldrons up, wearing them on their backs like distended turtle shells. The heavy cast iron had massive ropes looped around the men¡¯s shoulders.


    The humans nervously checked their weapons and fiddled with their armor, each of them wishing they could be somewhere else.


    ¡°Aaand¡­ showtime.¡±


    The kaleidoscope of colors filled Garth¡¯s vision.


    Garth found himself staring at a dense jungle canopy. He did a quick check to make sure everyone was there, and indeed, they had all landed without harm smack in the middle of an alien jungle. He would have thought at least one person would have landed funny or twisted an ankle, but that wasn¡¯t the case. How did they manage such accurate teleporting without anyone getting harmed? The first couple times Garth had tried the Teleport spell, he¡¯d fallen out of the sky. His accuracy was getting better, but his range was still only a hundred feet or so, a far cry from the five hundred miles advertised, and he still had hiccups every now and then.


    Maybe they sent some kind of scan of the terrain ahead, and arranged the people in a way that was most comfortable? He wondered how they did that. He had to figure out how they were fucking with him in order to counteract it. Maybe they had powerful artifacts that did it for them? It seemed more likely than a group of powerful white-robed wizards who could be put to better use nuking the site from orbit.


    Maybe they used the drop of blood he¡¯d used to fill out his Stat sheet. That makes a lot of sense, actually. Crap, get focused, gotta lead these people long enough to kill some bad guys. Possibly a lot of bad guys.


    The jungle around them was a dense green forest with vines creeping up every surface. The very air felt like it was weighed down with water, making breathing a little difficult. The heat slipped past the jungle canopy that bathed them in shadow. In short, it was dark, hot, wet, and overgrown.


    The trees looked like they were hundreds of years old, up to twenty feet across. Thick exposed roots with wet, slick surfaces made every step more difficult, just as likely to slip as to catch your ankle in a hole, perhaps both.


    Sandi and Itet stared openmouthed at the sheer density of plant life around them. Garth didn¡¯t know if it was an oversight by the people in charge, or if they had simply dismissed what he could do, but this truly was his home ground.


    ¡°What now, boss?¡± Jamal asked, glancing around the dark woods.


    Thousands of plant¡¯s voices whispered to him as he scanned the jungle. It was time to go to work.


    ¡°Stay here, lump up and keep a lookout for large predators. If this is anything like Earth, it¡¯s gonna have some large land animals that like the taste of meat. Nobody wander off even to pee, I¡¯m gonna find out where we are.¡±


    Garth held his hand out, and guided the abundant mana in the environment to crawl up the nearest massive tree, weaving into a muscular system. Under his control, the tower-sized tree leaned a branch down, and Garth stepped up onto it, lifting himself high up into the air. The rest of the company gasped and backed away as he ascended.


    One branch passed him off to another until he was at the top of the massive tree. With a little effort, it stretched to lift him above the rest of the canopy, bringing him into the hot light of the orange sun and giving him a clear view of the surroundings. They were on the side of a steep hill, and the entire terrain was covered in them, allowing Garth to only see a few miles in each direction before the rolling land cut off his vision. People could get lost in here, easy. No wonder the adventuring parties hadn¡¯t found squat.


    In the valley below them, he spotted the remains of the Outpost. It looked like someone had hit it with a blender. The walls that had seemed so indomitable back on Earth had been torn to shreds, and the city inside had been reduced to so much tinder.


    There was a suspicious path carved into the trees just outside the city, about fifty feet wide, probably only visible from the sky.


    With an effort of will, Garth cast the fly spell, wobbling off the tree and into the air to get a better view. It was a taxing spell to maintain, and he wasn¡¯t good enough to devote a construct to it, yet. The last time he¡¯d tried, a single gust had sent him tumbling through the air. He needed to master the art of keeping his balance in the air before the mental construct could be expected to do it for him.


    How could time manipulation be easier than flying?


    Just the way the new world works, I guess.


    Still, you couldn¡¯t beat rising up into the sky under your own power. The effort just made it that much more exhilarating. Garth felt a surge of freedom and excitement rise into his lungs, and he resisted the urge to shout for joy, looking down at the trees falling away beneath his feet. Garth wobbled in the air again and nearly fell. He reluctantly set his eyes forward. No more enjoying flying until he was better at it.


    The outpost had been torn to pieces by what looked like cannonfire, with two foot wide holes bored through the solid rock before the entire wall had been smashed by some irresistible force. The trail leading out into the jungle was comprised of flattened trees leading toward the outpost, but the trail went cold only a few hundred feet in, as though whatever huge thing had needed that much space to maneuver had simply appeared in the jungle beside the outpost and vanished without a trace.


    What could have done such a thing? Garth pictured a massive, fifty foot wide hwacha firing rocket propelled arrow after rocket propelled arrow, but the problem was, he didn¡¯t see any rockets, no track marks. There was no sign of spent ammunition of any kind, just a shredded outpost and a huge swath of leveled trees.


    What the hell did that? Could it have been a powerful magic user who drilled the holes in the wall before an army tore it down? But how could an army move that fas-


    A shadow passed over the trees to Garth¡¯s left, and he glanced over his shoulder. A giant raptor with a wingspan of twenty-five feet bore down on him, foot-long talons forming pitiless grasping claws.


    ¡°Ack!¡± Garth¡¯s inexperience with Fly saved his life, as the sudden shock made him lose control of the spell and shoot downward. The talons cut through the air above him as Garth¡¯s hands flailed, reflexively trying to find purchase.


    Garth plowed through the top layer of stick thin branches before his shins caught a thick beam about twenty feet down, sending searing pain through his legs and spinning him violently without slowing him down one bit.


    Protect the spine! He thought as he curled his arms over his head and tried his damndest to get the fly spell working again. The exposed roots of the ground were rapidly approaching when Garth got the spell running again and tried to pull up with everything he had. Only problem was, he was spinning so fast, up seemed relative.


    He must have slowed his descent somewhat, because when he plowed into the woody floor of the jungle, he didn¡¯t die on impact.


    Garth hit the slanted edge of a trunk and tumbled down. The world spun violently around him and did its best to kick the shit out of him at the same time as his downward momentum was turned into forward momentum.


    Finally, he came to a halt and untucked himself with a wheeze, gradually stretching his limbs out.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Sandi said, running up to him, her delicious mounds swaying above his face as she peered into his eyes. This seems familiar. ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°Remember that thing I said about not wandering off because of predators?¡± he said, wincing as Sandi helped him to his feet. The rest of the company crowded around, expressing various amounts of concern, except Jamal, who seemed to think it was funny.


    I guess it is a little funny.


    ¡°Well, I was right. Don¡¯t wander off, there¡¯s giant eagles above the trees, and if there are giant, man-eating eagles up there, god knows what¡¯s under the canopy. Get used to peeing under supervision.¡±


    Garth stood up straight and rubbed a bruised muscle.


    ¡°Okay, listen up, here¡¯s the mission. There¡¯s something attacking outposts in the jungle. It¡¯s our job to find out what¡¯s doing it and put a stop to it. The most recently attacked outpost is that way.¡± He said, pointing. Even with the discombobulation of falling from above the canopy, he was still able to tell what direction the outpost was in.


    ¡°We¡¯re going to go over there and investigate, see if we can figure out which way the culprits went, but before we head out, I want to take the evening to get this group better organized.¡±


    Garth organized them into five platoons of twenty five, arranged by class and stats. He made sure to get a good blend of classes in most of the five platoons. He put three older men and two lean women in charge of them. Each of them had put a lot of effort into procuring their own equipment on their own time, and was outfitted in a way that told Garth they were serious about surviving.


    Once the squads were taken care of, he pulled the meager seven magic specialists aside and crammed the Fireball, Telekinesis, Force armor and Force shield spellbooks into their hands, instructing them to pass them round robin. The men and women with the spellslinger and Warrior classes received bows from Garth, made on the spot, while the Spellslingers also received Firebolt to supplement their attacks. Spellslingers were only average at the output of each individual spell, so Garth compensated by giving them a spell with a good damage to mana ratio. Their enhanced Senses would allow them to spam it like nobody¡¯s business after enough practice.


    They needed better guerilla tactics, So Garth decided to shape the Spellblades into rangers.


    Garth taught the Forestwalk and Haste spells to the spellblades. Their higher intelligence was more suited to mental constructs that sustained buffing spells. Their physical specializations made them hardy and great for long distance travel. One of the side effects Garth had noticed about Forestwalk was the spell prevented the recipient from making much noise when walking through the woods, as the plants bend around you. With their boosted Speed, Endurance, Forestwalk, and Haste, they could reliably scout large distances relatively quietly, and run like hell if they came across something they couldn¡¯t fight.


    Garth didn¡¯t have a speedometer, but Jamal looked like he was cruising along at about seventy-five miles an hour with Garth casting Haste and Forestwalk on him as a proof of concept.


    Into one platoon in particular, Garth funneled twenty of the strength-based people who¡¯d gotten Reinforcement evolution, awakened on the battlefield against the hobs.


    According to them, it allowed them to reinforce their armor and weapons with their own Strength. They could make anything they were touching stronger and more resilient than it might otherwise be. It was a warrior¡¯s most common evolution, much like Garth¡¯s Mana Sight was the most common evolution for magic users.


    It made sense to Garth, seeing as how after a certain level of Strength, steel would be as soft as swiss cheese, and people might as well bare knuckle brawl. As it was, Garth made them the shock troops. The Anvil that could pin down an enemy while wearing extra strong armor and wait for the Spellblades to hammer into the enemies backs with their speed.


    I wonder if Alexander the Great ever had to work with only 125 people.


    Once that was done, Garth sat down by the fire and pulled out the Heal spellbook he¡¯d stolen. The sun was already down and he was exhausted, but some things needed to be done.


    You have learned Heal! Proficiency 7%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 52%!

 Chapter 44: A Victimless Crime

    Garth surveyed the destruction, eyes squinting against the blowing dust. The outpost had been torn asunder, some buildings collapsed while fires had consumed others. In front of him lay the gnawed upon disembodied arm of an orc child.


    Whatever had done this hadn¡¯t been human. Well, not human, obviously, but not civilized. The few corpses that remained looked to have been eaten by ravenous monsters. Inspecting the remains, Garth recognized two separate bite patterns. He wasn¡¯t a forensic scientist by any means, but he could tell that some bites were made by something big, and others by something about the size of a human jaw.


    Two separate species working together. Garth assumed the little bitemarks were probably the brains of the operation while the bigger bite marks did all the heavy lifting. There was still no sign of spent ammunition either, leading him to believe that whatever had made the massive holes throughout the complex had been a living creature. There were also parts of the stone wall that seemed partially melted.


    He had to watch where he stepped, because the ground was full of two-foot holes as well. At first he¡¯d been particularly cautious of them, but after most of a day of searching, nothing had come from them. He was more worried about giant eagles attacking and making off with one of their people. Which was why the Warriors and Spellslingers, the people with the sharpest eyes and idiot savant bow skills, were watching for them, armed with sharpened ironwood arrows laced with curare. Garth didn¡¯t mean to brag, but he was pretty sure his homemade ironwood could give actual iron a run for its money. Shit was heavy though. I wonder what giant eagle tastes like.


    Garth popped another candied nut into his mouth, chewing slowly as he scanned the destruction.


    ¡°You¡¯re right, these are pretty good,¡± He told Wilson, walking through the street as his platoons scavenged through the wreckage, his mind wandering as he ate. They tasted a bit like vanilla and honey, but not quite, with a bit of a spicy zing that somehow worked. Garth had been hoping for chocolate, but fat chance of that on an alien planet.


    Note: Sell chocolate to the inner spheres and get rich as hell. Cocaine chocolate? Maybe too bitter, sugarcane, and milk to smooth it. Gonna need to find a chocolatier¡­Empathogen chocolate!


    ¡°Ah hah!¡± Wilson said. ¡°Chocolate has an empathogen! A lot more mild than molly, but we can work with that.¡±


    ¡°Yup, chocolate love drug. Not sure it¡¯s actually an empathogen. I think it just raises mood.¡±


    ¡°Are you eating a dead kid¡¯s candy?¡± Sandi asked, snapping Garth out of his reverie.


    ¡°He wasn¡¯t using it.¡±


    Sandi put her hands on her hips and gave him a disapproving look.


    ¡°I¡¯m eating candy. I don¡¯t know if it was a kid¡¯s.¡± Garth replied, glancing at the miniature disembodied arm with half the flesh stripped away, where he¡¯d gotten the bag. ¡°He or she could have been a midget, or bringing it to their dad. Maybe I¡¯m eating their dad¡¯s candy.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± Itet said as she approached. ¡°Maybe it was their dad¡¯s special hallucinogenic candied nuts, and in a few hours, you¡¯ll be swimming through the rubble like a t¡¯chzzitiia.¡±


    Whatever that was, it didn¡¯t sound good. Garth gave a suspicious glance at the dusky bag of nuts in his hand and frowned. He¡¯d had something similar happen at his friend¡¯s house when he¡¯d scavenged the special brownies they left out. If the nuts were hallucinogenic, though, he would probably taste something funny, and they¡¯d probably have a case instead of a bag.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take my chances.¡± Garth said, popping another candied nut into his mouth. ¡°Practicing your bluffing?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Did it work?¡± Itet asked.


    ¡°Eh.¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°For a couple seconds.¡±


    Itet¡¯s antennae made the Happy/Satisfied expression and she went back to excavating a building with the rest of the Company.


    ¡°So, what are we looking for, exactly?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°Valuables.¡± Garth responded.


    ¡°What!?¡± Sandi¡¯s jaw dropped. ¡°I thought we were looking for survivors!¡±


    ¡°That too, but there¡¯s bound to be at least one shop that sold magic equipment around here, and we need every edge we can get. Itet, explain the logic.¡±


    ¡°Since the people we are stealing from are dead, this is what Garth would call a ¡®victimless crime¡¯, since the victims are already dead.¡± She paused and cocked her head. ¡°Does it count if we kill them first?¡± She asked from a collapsed building where she was helping lift a beam aside.


    ¡°No!¡± Garth shouted back. ¡°That¡¯s even worse than stealing! The bottom line is, the people we are stealing from won¡¯t suffer from it, okay? That¡¯s the definition of a victimless crime. Killing them first defeats the point.¡±


    ¡°But someone did kill them.¡±


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t us!¡±


    On Garth¡¯s orders, the platoons split up to search for survivors, food, weapons, and magic items. Garth didn¡¯t want to use the L-word, but they were essentially looting the city. He was especially interested in the magic items. Enchanted weapons and armor, heat-seeking arrows, or water-creating tubes like Clark¡¯s would all come in handy. Enough to defeat a force of monsters that could wipe out an outpost in minutes? Maybe, maybe not, but it couldn¡¯t hurt.


    He and Sandi enjoyed a romantic walk through the rubble of the destroyed city, Garth moving stone blocks a bit bigger than his head with Telekinesis while Sandi moved the big stuff. He was starting to get good enough at the spell that using it in combat didn¡¯t seem to be too far off.


    Woody trailed along, picking up beams and hauling them out of the way at Garth¡¯s mental direction. The spirit¡¯s physical form was six feet tall now, growing with his proficiency with the spell and his increased mental abilities.


    Garth noted the creature¡¯s exponential growth in size, and extrapolated that Summon Nature Spirit at 100% would mean a 50 foot tall Treant at Garth¡¯s current abilities. That could come in handy.


    Maybe he should give the Spellblades Summon Nature Spirit as well when they¡¯d gotten Forestwalk and Haste under their belts. Then they really would be rangers. Garth wondered what kind of shapes the spirits they summoned would take.


    ¡°Hey! We found something!¡± Jamal shouted from a street over.


    Garth turned and scrambled over the nearby building, heading toward the sound. When he summited the collapsed building, he saw a partially excavated showroom with smashed displays on the other side of the street. Jamal was holding a crossbow that seemed to be made from ivory and gold.


    The crossbow was white with twirling gold inlay, with a half cylinder over the part where the quarrel was supposed to go, and no string. It didn¡¯t look like a weapon so much as a gaudy fashion statement. Jess was standing next to him, arms clasped together around her full breasts as she admired the gaudy work of art.


    Jamal was holding the crossbow slung low in a power pose. ¡°Whaddya think, Jess?¡± he whipped the stock up to his shoulder. Taking aim at the building across the street. ¡°Think I could take out a bunch of those scumbags with this? Blam, blam!¡±


    He passed the crossbow in Garth¡¯s general direction, and Garth flinched, reflexively put up a Force Shield just as the kid¡¯s finger slipped and he pulled the trigger. With a screeching blast of force, pure white plasma coalesced and shot out, impacting the rubble five feet below where Garth¡¯s feet rested.


    A spray of rock and shrapnel bounced off Garth¡¯s shield, and when the dust cleared, he saw Jamal looking up at him, all the blood drained from his face. Garth swallowed back his anger and glanced at the girl standing next to him.


    ¡°Jess. Take the crossbow away from Jamal and give it to your platoon leader,¡± Garth said in his calmest, most matter-of-fact voice. Jess gingerly took the magic weapon away from Jamal, carefully keeping her fingers away from the trigger. She turned and headed back to the group of onlookers, where Samantha, a lean older woman with light leather armor tucked a cigar in her mouth before she took the weapon out of Jess¡¯s hands and immediately started looking for the safety. That was more like it.


    ¡°Jamal,¡± Garth said, lifting off the ground and floating down the rubble to the street below. He was unsure of the footing, and maybe wanted to scare the kid a little. ¡°Let¡¯s have a talk.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s get one thing clear. You¡¯re gonna to be running until your lungs burst. That¡¯s already decided.¡± Garth said as soon as he was close enough to talk to Jamal. ¡°You were so busy trying to impress a girl you almost got somebody killed, and that¡¯s not acceptable.¡±


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t-¡±


    ¡°You were. I know what it feels like. You don¡¯t notice you¡¯re doing it, you just feel all giddy when a girl¡¯s around, and before you know it, you¡¯re doing incredibly stupid shit. Case in point.¡±


    Jamal¡¯s brows furrowed, flickers of anger in his gaze.


    ¡°Ah,¡± Garth interrupted him, holding up a finger. ¡°You might be getting angry with me for being so mean to you, but I want you to understand the cold hard facts. You discharged a weapon right next to my ankles, your intent and my anger don¡¯t factor into this decision at all. The running is just what¡¯s going to happen.¡±


    ¡°Now,¡± he continued. ¡°There¡¯s still a lot of room for you to make things better or worse for yourself. Depending on your behavior going forward, I could make you enjoy your running so much that you thank me for years to come, or I could make it a soul-sucking hell. Now, what do you think you need to do?¡±


    Indecision flickered through Jamal¡¯s face for a moment, before the anger melted away and his shoulders slumped ¡°Shut up and run?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s step one. Once you¡¯re done I want you to ask Paul over there to teach you about trigger discipline. He was in the Navy SEALs before the world ended, and he¡¯s gonna make sure you know it by heart.¡± Garth pointed to the middle-aged commander of the heavy platoon.


    ¡°Yes sir.¡±


    Garth searched Jamal¡¯s face for any sign of anger or teenage indignation, but couldn¡¯t find any. If it was still there, it was buried deep under the surface. Behavior to be rewarded.


    ¡°That¡¯s the right attitude,¡± he said before raising his voice. ¡°Jessica! You and Jamal are running laps for an hour a day for the next two weeks. I expect you to stop your fellow soldiers from being stupid.¡± Jess flinched and nodded.


    Jamal blinked, struggling to catch up.


    ¡°Well? Go hang out with Jess,¡± Garth said, nodding toward her. ¡°I told you I could make you thank me.¡±


    ¡°Thank you sir.¡± Jamal said, jogging over toward the stacked brunette waiting for him.


    ¡°And stay in sight of the rest of the group or else I¡¯ll have to get creative!¡±


    ¡°Think that was a good play?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, I¡¯m just hoping overexposure will numb some of that need to show off around her.¡± Garth said, watching them trot off. ¡°I also want him to know I can be nice, in a backhanded sort of way. Hopefully he understands that if I can give him plenty of Jess time, I can take it away just as easy.¡±


    ¡°Carrot and stick, huh? You sure they¡¯re not gonna sneak off and bone in some abandoned building somewhere?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°Not right off the bat. Give it a week or two.¡±


    ¡°And then you can threaten to separate them.¡± Wilson said with a devious smile.


    ¡°Ayup.¡±


    Sandi walked up, bits of stone and dust in her hair. She brushed them out as she navigated the destroyed building.


    ¡°Did you get hurt?¡± Garth asked, noticing a little scrape on her chin.


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s nothing serious.¡± She said, shaking the last of the shrapnel out of her hair. A drop of blood beaded on her temple.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go kill the kid.¡± Wilson said, and Garth had already begun to turn toward Jamal when Sandi bolted down the building.


    ¡°Wow, look at all that stuff!¡± Sandi said, jumping down the rubble and heading for the building across the street. With her help, the primary beam that had held the roof together was lifted away, revealing a treasure trove of magical gear¡­and spellbooks.


    ¡°Praise Beladia.¡± Garth murmured. ¡°We¡¯re gonna loot the other three outposts.¡±

 Chapter 45: That’ll wake you up in the Morning!

    You have learned Illusion! Proficiency 8%


    You have learned Floating Eye! Proficiency 8%


    You have Learned Scry! Proficiency 8%!


    Spell Theory Proficiency has reached 53%


    You have learned Stone shape! Proficiency 15%!


    You have learned Wall of Stone! Proficiency 12%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 54%


    You have learned Create Water! Proficiency 20%!


    You have learned Warding! Proficiency 15%!


    You have learned Charm! Proficiency 8%!


    Spell Theory proficiency has reached 55%!


    Fly proficiency has reached 25%!


    Telekinesis proficiency has reached 30%!


    Spell Theory isn¡¯t growing so fast anymore, but my spells are gaining proficiency much faster than they used to. Garth thought as he telekinetically flipped one page of the Charm spellbook after another. The book was one of the highlights from the one of the destroyed shops. There had been another spell Garth had been interested in sitting in a glass case with a mithril lock on it. The Create Undead spell. He¡¯d spent an hour cutting through the reinforced glass, but when he finally touched the book, Garth had felt as though he was suffocating, so he¡¯d quickly handed it off to someone else.


    In ransacking the three destroyed outposts, Garth had finally found a breed of magic that Beladia¡¯s blessings didn¡¯t play well with, but it made sense, her being attributed with life and nature. Necromancy was about the furthest thing from that.


    Garth had found dozens of other spells of every kind, and he¡¯d passed out duplicates to the appropriate people and kept the morally dubious ones, or ones he was missing from his collection for himself.


    Charm, Attraction, Modify Memory and Dominate Mind, being prime examples. Garth wasn¡¯t even sure he trusted himself with that kind of power over people. As far as Garth was concerned, the inner workings of the mind were the last bastion of privacy that every person should have a right to.


    The only problem was, Garth was pretty sure high level wizards fought in the mind as well as in reality. Garth couldn¡¯t afford not to learn mental magic.


    ¡°Weren¡¯t you going to mess with people¡¯s heads when we get back to L.A. anyway?¡± Wilson asked from his shoulder.


    ¡°I was going to give them tiny jolts of pleasure or anxiety for observable behavior. No mind reading, no thought control. Gently enforcing standards of behavior is totally ethical.¡±


    Garth took a sip of the coffee hovering beside him.


    Jamal and Jessica jogged by side by side, sweat running down their faces in the morning sun as the First Earth Company of Beladia got ready to start their day. Men and women were crawling out of makeshift tents and stretching, strapping on their armor and weapons.


    Samantha had distributed the last outpost¡¯s loot to Garth¡¯s satisfaction the night before and Paul was currently having people break down camp and store everything in their Status bands. The Spellblades were out looking for breakfast and the giant cast iron pots stolen from the castle were slowly steaming, bringing the conjured water up to temperature for the morning stew.


    Today was the day they started to hunt the creatures responsible for the destruction. In every city, the pattern was the same, obliterated walls, eaten corpses and a trail that disappeared just outside the city. The question was, were they dealing with something that could teleport or fly?


    Garth was floating in the middle of the camp with his hands in his lap, just outside his rather large tent made of the massive drooping leaves of a jungle plant. He was flying about four feet above the ground, the Charm spellbook floating in front of him, along with a steaming wooden cup of coffee.


    One purpose of running two Telekinesis Spells and a Fly spell simultaneously was to raise his proficiency with the incredibly useful spells, and the other was to maintain his aura of mystery. Garth had learned a long time ago that sometimes it was better to simply let people assume you were mysterious and powerful, and this was taking it one step further.


    Leadership Proficiency has reached 2%!


    Ugh, being a poser is what does it? Leadership wasn¡¯t a spell, so Spell Theory didn¡¯t help, and it Garth was nowhere near a natural at it, but he was gaining proficiency with it whether he liked it or not, given the circumstances.


    His temple ached with the sustained effort of three spells, but he kept up the ridiculous fa?ade. He had to get his morning exercise in too, after all.


    A leaf rustled behind him, and Sandi crawled out of the tent, yawning as she pushed a man-sized leaf out of her way. Sandi¡¯s hair was mussed up from sleep, and her sheer white pajamas were made transparent by the morning sun streaming down into the ruined city.


    Her breasts pressed up against the thin fabric as she stretched, giving Garth a subtle view of her nipples even as the pajama top rode up, revealing the feminine curve of her waist. Her pants almost covered the curve of her hips, and her casually spread legs let Garth see where the fabric pressed tightly against the mound of her womanhood.


    Just behind her, Garth could make out where she had bitten halfway through the wooden trunk supporting his tent. She¡¯d bitten down on it reflexively last night in a moment of passion. Garth¡¯s tent wasn¡¯t big because he was the boss, it was big because it had to fit Sandi too.


    Yeah, life is pretty okay sometimes, Garth thought to himself as Sandi¡¯s hair fixed itself, and her clothes morphed into her typical tank-top and scandalously low-cut jeans.


    ¡°Morning,¡± he called, still floating in midair. ¡°Coffee?¡± he floated the steaming mug over to her.


    ¡°Urgh.¡± She said, blinking as she walked out of the tent. The leaves parted as her real body climbed out of bed, her natural invisibility spell only barely visible to Garth¡¯s eyes as she took the coffee out of the air and downed the whole thing at once into her real mouth.


    ¡°It¡¯s so bitter,¡± she complained, a sour frown on her face as she looked around the camp.


    ¡°It¡¯s that or water.¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡± The farmgirl succubus stretched again and Jamal tripped over a rock and faceplanted into the stone pavement of the outpost. Garth glanced over at the teenager being fawned over by Jess. Those two events were probably related, he thought, conjuring hot water into his mug and grinding more coffee beans telekinetically.


    ***


    In the vast jungle, Garth and his mysterious prey saw neither hide nor hair of each other. They spent a week combing through the jungle with no success when he decided to take a different tactic. What they needed was bait.


    Enter Jindar outpost 8901, closest outpost to the other three.


    ¡°We should tell them, don¡¯t you think?¡± Sandi asked as they walked through the streets. People were going about their business in the muggy weather, carting nuts into the outpost by the wagonful. Must be one of the region¡¯s staples.


    ¡°We¡¯re going to tell the right people.¡± Garth said, glancing at the orders in his hand. ¡°Although if the people in charge of this outpost aren¡¯t aware of the threat, that in itself is an even bigger problem.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± Itet asked.


    ¡°It implies someone higher up the foodchain didn¡¯t want them to even have a chance. In short it would be fishy as hell.¡±


    ¡°But they sent us.¡± She said, her antennae wiggling in confusion.


    ¡°To die, not to stop the destruction.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Non-Tzetin make no sense.¡± She paused, seemingly deep in thought. ¡°What do fish have to do with it?¡±


    Garth glanced at Sandi, who shrugged. Tzetin must not have a euphemism for suspicious.


    ¡°Fishy means suspicious.¡± Garth said, taking a hard left into the government building responsible for handling mail and slapping down a stack of letters from himself and the rest of his Company, along with a huge sack of care packages addressed to sick mothers, underage children and distant lovers making the pilgrimage to the outskirts of L.A.


    According to Clark, the city was riddled with Kipling and still needed to be cleared out, so he was taking charge and gathering up everyone at Earth outpost 3502. Luckily the old man got the class and spells he needed, so he was able to keep them afloat selling Simmons Cigars and magically growing fava beans, but they could use all the help they could get, hence the care packages.


    Some of it was loot from the other destroyed outpost, and Garth thought he might get the third degree, but the aged corio clerk did nothing more than blink, sliding the papers and packages behind his desk to be sorted. Civil servants rarely could be bothered to care. The blue skinned man¡¯s pointed ears drooped with age, and one of his horns was busted off long enough ago for the break to have worn smooth.


    ¡°That¡¯ll be five thousand three hundred and sixty nine credits. He said immediately.


    ¡°Five thousand three hundred?¡± Garth exclaimed.


    ¡°Tax.¡±


    ¡°Son of a bitch,¡± he said, digging out the cash and putting it down on the counter. ¡°Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Good afternoon.¡± The aged corio nodded.


    Task one had been completed, now Garth had to see about warning the people in charge of the city. From what he saw on the way in, they weren¡¯t expecting anything more challenging than the occasional giant eagle or snapping lizard, both of which had long since learned to stay away from settlements.


    The sentries at the wall had been playing games to pass the time, and the ballista wasn¡¯t even strung. It was like they were asking to get eaten.


    No armies could march through the jungle, was the general consensus. Their armor would rot, their skin would peel under their clothes, the biting insects would keep them from sleeping. In short, the jungle was supposedly a nightmare for any large group of creatures to move through.


    Garth¡¯s people had done it. That meant someone else could too. Hopefully when he dropped his marching orders on the governor¡¯s desk, that would light a fire under their asses. He was halfway to the governor¡¯s office when a flicker of light caught his attention.


    It was the plasma crossbow, fired into the air. The signal that the outpost was under attack. The people he¡¯d left outside had spotted something approaching.


    ¡°Son of a bitch!¡± Garth shouted, staring at the streak of light soaring into the sky. Of all the rotten luck. Why did it have to get attacked now? Well, maybe the governor will believe me. When the wall starts coming down.


    ¡°You two, go see if you can get the wall ready, I¡¯m going to warn the governor.¡±


    Sandi and Itet nodded and sprinted toward the walls, while Garth broke into a run toward the governor¡¯s office.


    Garth heard the faint snapping of trees in the distance as whatever was coming for the city began to plow through the jungle toward them.


    Garth dodged around curious rubberneckers wondering what the sound was and charged into the building, storming past the governor¡¯s secretary without a care. He burst through the door and screeched to a dead halt.


    The rather fat corio was scooping the last bars of gold from a safe into a hastily packed bugout bag. He froze when Garth entered, glancing over his shoulder guiltily. There was a wavering door of light in the corner of his office.


    ¡°Whatcha doin¡¯?¡± Garth asked unable to hide the ire in his voice as he closed and locked the door behind him, his vision narrowing on the fat bureaucrat. The little fucker knew. He knew and he was running.


    ¡°Well, I..¡±


    Garth lunged forward, causing the fat corio to yelp and made a dash for the portal. Garth jumped over the table while seizing the man with Telekinesis, pulling the horned coward straight toward his fist.


    The combined momentum sent a shockwave through Garth¡¯s hand, and the Governor¡¯s eyes rolled back in his head as a spray of blood dirtied his suit.


    Garth stood over the man, deciding what to do, when a furious pounding came at the door.


    ¡°Governor Hine, are you okay!?¡±


    Crap, Garth thought, cleaning the blood from his fist. So much for getting the governor¡¯s help.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 46: Powdered Courage

    Garth looked down at the unconscious governor and considered his options.


    Use illusion and polymorph to pretend to be the Governor? That wouldn¡¯t work. Despite the universal translator, they would be able to tell he was speaking English instead of whatever the local language was, giving him away immediately.


    Fly away out the window? Garth glanced at the window, then back to the massive gold bars. He could snag them, but it would make the governor look like he¡¯d been robbed rather than running away. Assuming they all didn¡¯t die, the guy would probably be hailed as a tragic hero, assaulted by the evil invaders.


    Goddamn it¡­wait. A hero! Garth twined mana around the shallow box in the corner of the room projecting the wavering portal. Garth deactivated the portal and the box flew across the room into his hand while the pounding on the door continued.


    He didn¡¯t have a lot of time.


    ¡°Wake up!¡± Garth said, charging his hand with the Heal spell and giving the governor a firm slap on the cheek.


    The corio¡¯s eyes flew open and he began squirming underneath Garth, mewling in terror.


    ¡°I had to, they were going to-¡®


    ¡°Shut up, SHUT UP!¡± Garth shouted into his face. The crashing of massive jungle trees was audible through the windows now. They were getting closer.


    ¡°As much as I¡¯d love for you to spill your guts, we don¡¯t have time. You see this?¡± Garth asked, holding up the delicately filigreed box. ¡°This was your only ticket out of here, I assume you disabled the Gate already?¡±


    ¡°Please, please, please, let me go,¡± The man said, his eyes tearing up, gaze locked on the portal creator. Garth was curious where the portal went, but it wasn¡¯t important right now.


    ¡°Nope. You¡¯re gonna die here.¡±


    He started sobbing uncontrollably.


    ¡°Unless you organize the guards and get a real defense going. Can you do that?¡±


    ¡°No, no, no..¡± he sobbed shaking his head.


    ¡°Your choices are fight or die. You wanna die?¡±


    The governor continued to cry and squirm.


    Goddamnit, Garth thought, reaching into his bandolier and pulling out a leather bag of Garth¡¯s prototype. He¡¯d spent two weeks figuring out how to make this tiny amount and he was going to waste it on a mewling coward.


    ¡°You know what? We don¡¯t have time for this,¡± Garth said, opening the leather bag. ¡°Cocaine.¡±


    ¡°Cocaine? Wha-¡°


    Garth interrupted the governor with a small handful of white powder held to the man¡¯s nose and mouth. The governor took a startled breath.


    I guess this¡¯ll be a good test.


    ***


    ¡°He¡¯s in here!¡± Kenmet shouted. The clerk motioned for the guards to hurry. The chainmail wearing men jingled as they rushed down the hall, aiming for the Governor¡¯s office. Someone had broken in and was tormenting the governor by the sound of it, and the crashing that was coming from outside the city walls¡­This couldn¡¯t be good.


    First thing¡¯s first. Kenmet thought. Save the governor, then he could tell them what to do about the thing outside the walls. Kenmet naively assumed the fat man would have some magic influence that would make things okay again.


    ¡°Stack up,¡± the lead guard said. ¡°This door is thick and it¡¯s gonna take at least three of us to push the-¡°


    ¡°AAAA!¡± they paused at the full-throated bellow. It sounded like it came from¡­the governor? A second later the heavy oak door was thrown open to reveal the governor, shirt torn open and bloody, with white powder and blood covering his face. The man¡¯s eyes were bloodshot and far wider than they should have been. He held a leather bag in his hand.


    ¡°Governor Hine, are you al-¡°


    ¡°ShutthefuckupKenmet!¡± Hine barked, marching past them. ¡°You,GetEveryManAndWomanThat¡¯sEverHeldABladeAndGetThemToTheArmory!¡± Hine said, pointing at Kenmet without looking.


    ¡°YouTwoGetEveryoneOffTheWallsAndInFormationBehindThemThey¡¯reComingDown!¡±


    ¡°You,DraftEverybodyFromTheAdventurersGuild!¡± Kine said, snagging a bewildered guard as he marched past.


    ¡°Right fucking NOW, morons!¡± Kine shouted, his light blue face turning purple.


    The governor¡¯s subordinates scattered like a herd of deer to their tasks, too startled and too busy to spot the purple creature laughing from the Governor¡¯s office.


    ***


    Gotta ask Tyson if that¡¯s a typical reaction, but that¡¯s one problem taken care of, Garth thought, wiping a tear from his eye as he finished filling the governor¡¯s bugout bag with gold bars. Waste not, want not.


    ¡°Hope his heart doesn¡¯t explode.¡±


    ¡°No big loss,¡± Wilson said. ¡°At least after he¡¯s done his job.¡±


    The governor continued his drug-fueled quest to save his own skin in the distance, barking out orders almost too fast to process. The walls are coming down, no matter what, huh? That little slip made Garth think the guy knew more about than a little bit about what was going on, it also meant he needed to get to Sandi and Itet and get them away from the walls.


    Garth¡¯s Status Band was completely full of spellbooks, so he kicked open the window and jumped out with the heavy bag of money in hand. Garth turned and threw the bag up on the roof where he could get to it later. Not the greatest hiding spot, but it was crunch time.


    Turning back, Garth flew above the spreading panic in the streets and landed on the wall beside Sandi just in time to see the last jungle tree come down.


    There were goblins swarming out of the forest by the thousands, but they weren¡¯t the problem. With their meager height and sticks, they could never bring down a wall this big.


    ¡°Beladia, that¡¯s not good,¡± Garth said, staring down at the fat, wriggling creature some ten stories tall, nearly on par with the city¡¯s walls, pulsing forward on six stumpy legs like a caterpillar. An anguished face was stretched over the creature¡¯s front, so thin as to be nearly invisible. The trail of trees behind it had been half-eaten as the massive creature approached. A single proboscis came out of its front, aimed at the walls.


    Garth¡¯s eyes were drawn to the figure riding on top of it, steering the creature like a sandworm from Dune. That didn¡¯t look like a goblin.


    ¡°It¡¯s a mutant feeder.¡± Sandi breathed.


    ¡°You need to get off the walls.¡± Garth said, reaching into his bandolier and pulling out a giant sequoia seed. He drew mana in from the surroundings and packed the seed with a delayed Plant Growth, not bothering with a stacked fertilize. He didn¡¯t want to destroy the entire city himself, and Sequoia took plenty of power just to make one reach adulthood. He wasn¡¯t sure he could have even pulled it off.


    ¡°Get to where the governor is marshalling everyone.¡± Garth said. Sandi and Itet joined the rest of the guards in the exodus from the walls. Now, to buy some time. Garth held the seed out in front of him with two fingers and let go. The seed zoomed forward under his guidance and buried itself in the earth in front of the repulsive creature.


    The earth shook as the giant sequoia erupted from the ground, soaring far above the walls, reaching a height of three hundred feet in a matter of moments, dwarfing the ten story creature in comparison.


    ¡°Damn,¡± Garth said, marveling at the size of the tree while pulling a Dodder seed out of his bandolier. ¡°I was hoping to break the record.¡±


    ¡°Shoulda put a little more juice into it.¡±


    ¡°Nah, need the juice.¡± Garth said, using the last of the mana he¡¯d channeled to use Control Plant to convince the massive tree to lean¡­just so.


    The screeching cry of tortured wood and the terrified wails of goblins was music to his ears.


    ¡°Maybe if we get lucky, it¡¯ll squish that giant caterpillar.¡±


    Garth didn¡¯t bother to respond, but he knew it probably wouldn¡¯t in a world where someone could get tougher just by eating heartstones, what were the odds that simple wood was any more effective than styrofoam? The enormous tree was so massive it seemed to fall like the whole thing was in slow motion. It gave Garth just enough time to reach out and draw every scrap of mana he could toward himself. The squiggling multicolor particles of reality drew around his hand and he plucked out what he needed to coach his specially bred Dodder.


    ¡°You like the taste of goblin flesh.¡± Garth said to the oversized Dodder seed. He¡¯d bred the strain to be bigger, with wrist thick vines and blood-sucking hollow thorns. The seed would burst into a plant and shoot out toward any living creature it smelled. Normally sewn, it wouldn¡¯t grow fast enough to catch anything and die out, but with Garth¡¯s Plant Growth spell, It found living creatures and sucked them dry in a matter of seconds to help fuel its own growth. It was a nasty plant.


    Garth just had to convince it to stick to goblins rather than people.


    A rumbling crash echoed through the city when the massive tree impacted on the feeder, over a million pounds of force dropping on the grub-like creature. Garth hoped to see green slime shooting out either side of the enormous log¡¯s thirty-foot diameter.


    Instead, the tree was resting on top of the seemingly soft flesh, hardly dimpling its surface. Dozens of goblins that had been standing beside the creature had been crushed by the thick branches.


    ¡°Welp, that¡¯s no good.¡± Wilson said as Garth looked back down at the seed in his hand. Create the trigger, weave the first layer, pull out the strings.


    ¡°Uh, Garth?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth grunted, beginning the second layer and carefully arranging the recursive mana pools in an efficient honeycomb shape.


    ¡°It¡¯s eating through the log.¡±


    Garth glanced up, and sure enough, the sequoia was being eating away like cotton candy by the creature beneath it. It was squirting a viscous green acid that melted the tree away from it. Along with that¡­


    Black wormlike creatures were being jettisoned outward, much like the ones the first creature like this he had met had spit out, but these were the size of sharks, with barbed ridges along their blunt heads and razor sharp teeth. They burrowed through the wood with abandon.


    ¡°Guess we found out what made the holes,¡± Garth said, looking back down at the seed in his hand.


    Third layer, recursive mana pools¡­. And done.


    The log rolled off the feeder, crushing dozens more goblins beneath it, but the main threat simply began to squirm their direction again, eating the corpses of its handlers as it swept over them. Garth was disappointed to note that the guy steering the feeder wasn¡¯t a bloody stain on the creature¡¯s back.


    Garth¡¯s Mana sight made out a shimmering bubble of mana maintaining a dome of force around him. A wizard. Great. Garth preferred to pick on people who couldn¡¯t fight back, if he had a choice about it.


    Garth shot the dodder out into the field, the tiny marble sized seed invisible in the mayhem. It leapt out of the ground, its roots disconnecting from the ground behind it as it flew through the air.


    The plant did nothing less than tackle a single nearby goblin. The little man-like green thing gave a piteous wail as it¡¯s blood was drawn out of its body through the translucent glass-like thorns. The green creature paled and withered as it¡¯s body dried out and mummified, all the precious nutrients drawn out of it.


    Now the party really gets started, Garth thought as the Chain Dodder followed suit, turning grey and going to seed.


    For a second, nothing happened. Many goblins didn¡¯t even see the fate of their companion, as many of them as there were. Only the ones who were standing right beside it showed any reaction, but they were far too close to be helped.


    The second passed, and several hundreds of dodder leaped out from the corpse of the first one and began to spread across the battlefield like a plague. Garth waited a tense moment with the fireball spell all ready to go in case the Dodder tried to climb the wall.


    He almost missed it when the mage on the back of the feeder made a pulling motion with his hand. All the mana in a few dozen feet around him was disrupted, including the mana fueling Garth¡¯s dodder, sparing a few hundred of the little green men tucked up close to the mage. Most of the rest of them were feeding the rippling mat of vegetation.


    That¡¯ll make things easier. Garth thought as he scanned the sea of dead goblins.


    ¡°Off the wall!¡± Wilson shouted into his ear with an urgency that circumvented his brain and went straight to his legs, making Garth involuntarily fling himself from the parapets.


    The place he¡¯d been standing erupted in flames, acid, and poisonous fumes. Several dozen black worms slammed into the stone and began chewing through the wall as Garth caught himself midair and flew deeper into the city.

 Chapter 47: A Real Bad Vacation

    Meanwhile, in the other Hemisphere, on a tiny blue planet, Irios was recruiting. It was Earth, but not the Earth that Garth knows.


    ¡°What do you think, Erelia?¡± Irios asked, ducking underneath the massive kipling¡¯s feral swipe, being sure to tilt his horns out of the way. ¡°How does getting away from it all and having the opportunity to research kipling in the field differ?¡±


    Erik roared. The kipling was a pale seven foot tall juggernaut with no clothes, swinging at Irios with his blackened claws. Their battle was tearing up the forest surrounding Erik¡¯s idyllic cabin.


    The lovely corio woman looked up from her notebook, her deep blue skin a shade paler with fright.


    ¡°Aside from the abject terror, It¡¯s been very informative.¡±


    ¡°There aren¡¯t many-¡° Irios let out a grunt of effort as he grabbed Erik¡¯s massive wrist and flipped him over his shoulder, dropping the snarling beast to the ground.


    ¡°Scholars of Kipling behavior.¡±


    There was no discernable difference between the hemispheres, the dirt was still dirt, the sun was the same shade, but the people were wildly different. An ancient, powerful magic designed to give everyone a fighting chance split the realities and forced the spirit of the kipling to pick one of the two bodies, rendering the other immune by some unfathomable logic. Reality double jeapordy. This Erik was the unlucky of the two.


    Well, luck was relative, and if they were still standing a thousand years after the fall of the Spheres, then it would be the other way around.


    Erik leapt to his feet with a savage snarl and bloodshot eyes. The first person to enter his vision was Erelia. He leaped toward her, mouth wide open, shark teeth bared.


    Erelia yelped and fell off her log, notebook tumbling to the ground as she scooted backward. Erik¡¯s flight was arrested mid-leap as Irios caught his ankle and slammed him back down to the ground.


    ¡°So I imagine it was no accident you ¡®fell in love¡¯ with me, eh?¡± he said, kicking the feral kipling in the face for daring to attack her.


    ¡°¡­no.¡± she said.


    ¡°Well, the good news is I still love you, at least until I figure out where you hid the construct in my mind, you sneaky woman. In the meantime, I¡¯ve got a question for you.¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Can you tell me why this man,¡± Irios said, lifting the panting, bloodied kipling off the ground and wrapping an arm around his neck. ¡°Ate his own family?¡± he pointed at the abandoned cabin to illustrate his point.


    ¡°The kipling experience a gradual restoration of their memories and minds as they age and become more powerful.¡±


    ¡°Ja, I know this.¡± The woman was very good at stating the obvious. Irios had gone through the same thing.


    ¡°My guess is that while his memories and reasoning were quite dim, he mistook love for hunger and ate them.¡± Erelia said, coming to stand and brushing dead leaves and sticks off her pert rear.


    ¡°You think?¡± Irios said, glancing at Erik¡¯s head tucked underneath his arm, scratching and clawing to be free. He glanced over at the shredded bones of children in the idyllic log cabin in the middle of the beautiful forest.


    ¡°So it¡¯s not a sign of disloyalty?¡±


    ¡°Far from it. Kipling normally do not kill each other, this is a sign he can feel emotion far sooner than otherwise indicated.¡±


    ¡°Interesting, could you toss me the Heartstones my dear?¡±


    Erelia picked up the fist-sized bag of stones and threw them to Irios. They landed in his palm with the glass clack of marbles hitting each other.


    One of the benefits of being such an old kipling, the average observer couldn¡¯t tell the difference between him and a normal corio, aside from being a single shade paler than he should have been. There were plenty of actual corio paler than him, so nobody gave him a second glance when he went to buy refined heartstones.


    ¡°Now, my friend, I need you to wake up and start grieving.¡± Irios said, pulling out a beautiful rich purple stone, perfectly clear and spherical. The best remedy for a mindless Kipling was a huge dose of Intelligence and Memory, according to Erelia.


    Erelia was the foremost researcher in the field of Kipling biology, behavior, magic, mind control, practically anything she could get her hands on, which he supposed included him as a case study. The woman must so grateful to him for getting her out of those stuffy labs.


    Irios hadn¡¯t tried to recruit other Kipling or speed their growth before he was captured so many years ago, so he deferred to her greater experience in this matter.


    And if she lied to him he would kill- spank her vigorously.


    Irios rolled his eyes at the unintended thought. Something was interrupting his thoughts, very unsubtly deflecting him away from outright harming her. He didn¡¯t really care as long as he got what he wanted from her, though.


    ¡°Now, open up.¡± Irios said, prying open Erik¡¯s jaw with his bare fingers and forcing the brilliant purple stone a bit smaller than his fist down the man¡¯s throat.


    Erik¡¯s eyes went wide as the stone obstructed his breathing, then swallowed.


    Irios let him go and stood back, watching the kipling cautiously.


    Erik laid on his back, moaning. Irios watched as the man¡¯s expression became less feral, his eyes more calm, taking in the world around him with consideration rather than rabid anger. His jaws shrank, and his claws receded just a tiny bit, but Irios was able to notice.


    ¡°Oh, is his Memory allowing him to regain his physical form?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I always thought that might be the case!¡± Erelia exclaimed, picking up her notebook and coming closer, peering into Erik¡¯s confused eyed. ¡°But they never let me forcefully evolve a kipling into a demon. Told me it was too dangerous.¡±


    ¡°It is.¡± Irios said, tugging the woman back by her collar as Erik took a swipe at her. She dropped her notebook and fell into the dirt again, watching the demon with wide eyes.


    ¡°He¡¯s not going to be as friendly as me right away, my dear.¡± Irios said, glancing over at the wide-eyed researcher.


    ¡°I got carried away.¡± She said, turning a beautiful shade of purple.


    ¡°It happens to the best of us.¡± He returned his gaze to Erik. ¡°Hello, Erik? Are you in there?¡±


    ¡°UUhh¡± Erik groaned, raising his clawed hands to his face. ¡°What, what is happening?¡±


    ¡°Oh, good, you can talk.¡± Irios said. The woman knew her stuff. It had taken Irios quite a long time to form words.


    ¡°I am your doctor. Swallow this.¡± Irios said, taking out another purple gemstone. Erik took the Heartstone and the clarity in his eyes returned, and he looked around, his eyes gradually widening.


    ¡°Where is my wife, and Magdelena? Aarne?¡±


    ¡°Sorry to say you ate them. Do you not remember?¡± Irios carefully watched the man¡¯s face as he gradually came to the realization that the pale, hairless monsters he¡¯d consumed in his madness had indeed been his wife, Magdelena and Aarne.


    ¡°What¡­I¡­¡± Erik¡¯s eyes went wide, and he flipped over and began violently convulsing and vomiting into the forest floor.


    ¡°Ah, there we go,¡± Irios said, standing back as the huge man began to thrash against the forest floor. It might take him a moment to be fully cognizant again, but the remorse was an excellent sign. Irios would have to watch him to make sure he didn¡¯t try to commit suicide, though.


    ¡°This is fascinating.¡± Erelia said, taking notes. ¡°Do you know what¡¯s going on?¡±


    ¡°Mostly he¡¯s just mad with grief, I suppose, but some part of him is wrestling with The Call.¡±


    ¡°The what?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what else to call it. We don¡¯t have an actual name for it. It¡¯s our instinct. The siren¡¯s song that lures us to spread our race across the myriad realities. It¡¯s barely a whisper for me now, as old and impotent as I¡¯ve become, but Erik must be struggling with the urge to mindlessly eat people and propagate dungeons.¡±


    ¡°AAAAAH!¡±


    ¡°You see,¡± Irios said, tugging Erelia backward by her waist as the human turned into a ball of thrashing claws.


    ¡°At first The Call feels like an enormous wedge driven into your mind, stretching your thoughts tight against the inside of your skull most uncomfortably. And when you first realize it¡¯s there, you begin to pick at it.¡±


    ¡°Fascinating.¡± She said, making notes. Irios deflected a rock big enough to turn her head into jelly, but she took no notice of it. One of the things he found so endearing about the slender corio woman.


    ¡°When you do begin to pick at it, your thoughts form swirls and eddies around the wedge, unable to maintain a flow. You realize this is happening, but your thoughts of removing the foreign matter in your mind are cut short, scattered to the wind. And each time you pick at this spike in your mind, a bit of it is washed away, mixing with your own natural thoughts, until eventually, what was always there, and what is Kipling are indistinguishable.¡±


    ¡°Is it possible to remove or replicate this spike?¡± she asked. ¡°Is it anything like the mental constructs that were used on you?¡±


    Don¡¯t remind me of those eight thousand years of slavery, woman, I¡¯ll tickle you until you can¡¯t breathe! Irios bit down a surge of irritation.


    ¡°They are wildly different. The Call feels like a sandstone monolith that gradually mixes with the mind, while the magic of the Inner Spheres creates inflexible little glass knots that direct thought like an aqueduct channels water. Easily broken if found. The call dyes you. Becomes you. And you could spend a lifetime trying to remove it with little success.¡±


    Erik began slamming his claws into the ground with a shout, as if he could murder the very Earth that had created him. It was good he was a fighter, since he would have been taken over by The Call already were he not. Everyone on the little black notebook in his pocket was a fighter, and represented a substantial prize if he could win them over before the Inner Spheres knew what was going on.


    A Demon Lord was a priceless ally.


    Erelia looked up at him, her large eyes unmindful of the wailing man in the distance. ¡°How about eight thousand years? Is that long enough to shed the control of The Call?¡±


    ¡°As I said, it¡¯s barely a whisper anymore.¡±


    ¡°So why are you still trying to destroy the Inner Spheres?¡± She asked, before paling and looking away.


    Irios put a hand around her waist and brought her close, enjoying the feel of her stiffening against his chest. He knew some small part of her was wondering if he was finally going to kill her.


    ¡°Why, because they are evil, my dear,¡± he said in faux outrage before he put a finger under her chin and tilted her lips up to meet his. Irios was spurred on by the way she relaxed into his arms and returned his kiss, molding her body around him as he molded her will around his own.


    It was only honorable to return her insidious control over him in kind.

 Chapter 48: The hero of Outpost 8901

    Garth rushed down the empty streets, sprinting to converse mana. His head was already aching with the amount he¡¯d used in the last minute. Where the hell is everyone? Garth thought, heading for the main square. If the governor had marshalled the army anywhere, it would be there.


    Behind him, he could hear the sound of the walls crumbling to the ground, torn to pieces by the shark-sized worms. He pictured the hundreds of remaining goblins spilling into the streets, scrambling over the toppled walls. At least it was better than tens of thousands of them. The guard should be able to mop them up as soon as the big one was taken care of.


    That begged the question. How was the big one going to be taken care of? Garth didn¡¯t know, but he would feel a hell of a lot safer with the rest of the city¡¯s defenders.


    Garth sprinted down the street and turned onto the main road. At the end of it, he could see a makeshift wooden wall made with wagons and planks of hastily assembled lumber. hundreds of pikes stuck up from behind it in a veritable forest. That¡¯s way too small to do any good. He glanced the way he¡¯d come and saw the feeder turning the corner, its proboscis tugged Garth¡¯s direction by the reigns of the man top its head.


    He needed to take care of that guy. But in the meantime, running was a good solution. Garth put his head down and sprinted with all his strength, putting the feeder around the corner behind him. he was still sprinting when he saw a flicker of movement to his right and a voluptuous pair of breasts smooshed around his head, followed by a pair of arms with creamy soft skin.


    Garth gave a startled squawk as Sandi¡¯s Lure reeled him sideways into a nearby building, her feet not even touching the ground as she dragged him back. I didn¡¯t even know she could do that! Now It made even more sense to call it a lure, because Garth was hooked.


    ¡°Shh¡± He heard her voice above him through his one exposed ear as she pulled him through a window. They sunk into the shadows of the abandoned house. All the lights were out, there was a steaming bowl of soup on the wobbling table, left there in the owner¡¯s haste to flee. The green curtains of the open window fluttered in the breeze, coloring the faint light that managed to enter the dimly lit house.


    Stacked up by the door and window, Garth could make out a half dozen bow-armed aliens eyeing him enviously. Another three had no weapons at all, so he assumed them to be spell-slingers. Itet stood beside the best vantage, just beside the window, her bow unslung and two arrows ready to go.


    ¡°It¡¯s an ambush,¡± Sandi whispered, releasing Garth.


    ¡°You planning on boxing them in?¡± he asked, keeping his voice low and staying out of sight of the window.


    ¡°Long enough to tear a chunk out of the big one. If it goes badly, we run out the back door and retreat to the main plaza. At least that¡¯s what the governor¡¯s plan is.¡± She said.


    ¡°It¡¯s not bad. Simple and cost effective. Where is he?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s at the center of the street to lead the primary assault.¡± She pointed toward the flimsy wall. ¡°He seemed very brave. I¡¯m glad you could convince him to help so quickly.¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­yeah, all I had to was lay out exactly what was at stake and he was more than happy to help.¡±


    Itet glanced over and ran a critical eye over Garth¡¯s form.


    ¡°You gave him your cocaine.¡± she said, returning her gaze to the window. ¡°Your bag¡¯s missing. I saw it on the governor.¡± Itet was getting better at connecting the dots, that was for sure.


    ¡°What!?¡± Sandi demanded. Nearly raising her voice. ¡°I told you I wanted to try it!¡±


    ¡°You aren¡¯t getting any more drugs until you fix your biting habit, missy. And believe it or not, cocaine is widely considered to be a pretty horrible drug that destroys lives. So why would I want to test the prototype on you?¡±


    ¡°Why would you want to test it on him??¡±


    ¡°Because he¡¯s not actually a very brave man,¡± Garth said, motioning with his hands. ¡°and I figured having the governor take part in this even a little would be better than to have him lying in a pool of his own tears shivering in his office.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Itet said, nodding.


    Sandi crossed her arms under her generous breasts and sulked, but Garth didn¡¯t have time to placate her. In the distance, a single goblin entered the street, followed by dozens, then hundreds more.


    The assembled warriors ducked low, their argument forgotten, barely daring even to breathe. In the window, Garth saw a slab of yellow-green flesh fill the window, rolling by even as it gnawed on the paving stones. The feeder was so large that the mage atop it couldn¡¯t even see the windows beneath him. He probably had a blind spot of a hundred feet around him or so, and they were going to abuse it maliciously.


    I need to signal the people in the woods, Garth thought. Nothing made a box ambush better than the last side of the box.


    Here goes nothing. Garth thought, facing away from the giant caterpillar and drawing mana from the back of the room. He wanted to be sure the mage up top didn¡¯t feel him drawing in mana.


    Once Garth had gathered enough, he closed his eyes and cast the Floating Eye spell. Conjuring a tiny, invisible eye to see for him.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Garth saw Sandi tap himself on the shoulder from the vantage of the Floating eye. Wow, looks like all the exercise¡¯s been good for me. Garth¡¯s face looked sharper than it had in a long time, with none of the baby fat from high school either.


    ¡°I¡¯m keeping an eye on him while I signal the people in the woods.¡± Garth Whispered, preparing to use the Illusion spell to put their marching orders over the bad guy¡¯s head. All he had to do was figure out how to weave the mana in the guy¡¯s blind spot.


    ¡°You gonna send them a letter?¡± Sandi whispered.


    Garth lost control of his floating eye and it unraveled as he stared at Sandi. Beladia, he was about to risk screwing everything over when he had a much more reliable way of relaying instructions. Magic wasn¡¯t necessary for every problem, damnit.


    Garth felt like heaving an enormous sigh, but he was too busy. Garth focused on the Ethernet connection in his Status Band.


    Dear Sam,


    Tell Paul and his heavies to block the path of this thing¡¯s retreat. The rest of you, hit it with everything you got when the fireworks start.


    Love, Garth Daniels, Apostle of Beladia.


    Aaand, send, Garth thought as the message flew across unknowable distance to find its target. I wonder if it¡¯s pinged all over the universe like the internet, or if it takes the shortest route? There was no time to wonder now, as Garth heard the spray of acid and black worms shoot out of the creature above them and land on the hastily constructed wall.


    There was an explosion like cannonfire, the ring of steel chains, and the screeching cry of a wounded feeder.


    ¡°That¡¯s the signal.¡± Itet said, leaning out the window and shooting approximately two poisoned ironwood arrows per second. fft, fft, ftt, The solid wood arrows flew out the window and began taking goblin lives at an astonishing rate, the heavy wood plowing through two on average.


    With a cry, guards threw open doors and windows all along the street and began bombarding the invading force with arrows, fist sized orbs of crackling blue energy, and the occasional fireball.


    Garth¡¯s eyes widened. It was the first time he¡¯d been standing shoulder-to shoulder with other magic users, and he could see the mana in the environment stretching thin as it was gathered up and lobbed at the bad guys.


    The Mana wasn¡¯t burned up and turned into nothing. All the mana spent here would unravel and return to the environment, but Garth could tell there was a more immediate problem of running out.


    Garth tried to pull out a dodder seed and use it on the big ugly, but as he went about the delicate work of using Design Plant to change its targeting, it felt like he was constantly having his elbows bumped by the people not paying attention to personal space and drawing mana from where he stood.


    This could be a problem, Garth thought as the edge of his spell unraveled, drawn to the mage next to him, who flung it out as a firebolt into the goblin filled street.


    Goddamnit, he thought, switching to a fireball.


    As quick as he could, Garth compressed mana into a tiny flammable bead and shot it out before someone could bump his mental elbow again. The bead impacted against the side of the feeder and exploded into a five-foot wide ball of flame, catching a goblin cowering beside the gigantic caterpillar. The feeder squealed in pain, but it could have been from any of the other hundreds of impacts against its flesh.


    Your Fireball Proficiency has reached 5%!


    Garth was about to take another shot at the thing when he heard a man roar, ¡°Charge!¡±


    The guards spilled out of the windows, along with Itet and Sandi, flooding the pockmarked streets with armor-clad warriors.


    I gotta see what¡¯s going on, Garth thought, jumping out the window after them and taking in the scene.


    The cannonfire and ringing chains had been spot on, as there were now enormous harpoons bloodying the front of the massive beast, each one connected to chains as thick as a man¡¯s arm. Garth didn¡¯t know where they got the gear, but that wasn¡¯t the strangest thing he saw.


    Governor Kine, in full plate armor, his eyes bloodshot, roared as he charged forward, waving a massive glowing sword. His fat body was no longer a liability as he smashed through the occasional fleeing goblin, leading a column of guards straight up the center, the danger zone of acid spray and burrowing worms.


    The feeder¡¯s proboscis spewed black worms and acid again, sailing up and over the governor in a wide arc, looking like it would land and melt them all.


    Shit! Before he knew what he was doing, Garth threw a hand out, gathered the mana in Kine¡¯s vicinity into a wide Force Shield, creating an invisible canopy above the charging troops.


    The acid was no strain at all, a plane of pure force didn¡¯t exactly have matter to dissolve, and without that, it was just as hard as deflecting an enormous loogie. No, the problem was the black worms that slammed into the shield.


    Garth¡¯s head felt as though it were splitting apart as worm after worm crashed into the invisible barrier, smashing through his meager defences and falling to the earth.


    The acid. Hold together long enough to keep the acid off of them. Garth clutched his head as the Force Shield was torn to pieces, but he kept it going, keeping the majority of the acid from landing until the fighting force had come through.


    A couple men were killed by worms, but the damage was minimal, and Kine threw himself onto the feeder with a ferocious scream, digging a dagger into its thick skin and scaling halfway up the creature¡¯s face along with dozens of other guards. Some of them got shook off, and others were blasted off by the mage atop the creature, but Kine and others dug hooks deep into the creature¡¯s flesh and dropped long scaling ropes off the side once they reached ground they could stand on.


    With these ropes, guards began to flood up the feeder¡¯s body, overwhelming the mage and slaughtering him in a matter of seconds. The governor himself dealt the killing blow, tearing the humanoid mage in half with his white-hot blade.


    Ten minutes later, the people of the city were throwing Governor Kine up in the air and shouting for joy.


    The fear of the day had been washed away by the birth of a hero.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be damned,¡± Garth said, shaking his head as his company mopped up the fleeing goblins.

 Chapter 49: Consequences

    In a distant part of a distant universe, in one of the trillions of warehouses dedicated to the exact same purpose strewn across countless worlds, a red scroll tucked in a clear glass tube nestled among countless other glass tubes, turned black.


    A young orc named Guntar Hukil unlocked the warehouse door and started his day, followed by his superior who was lazily chewing on a stalk of illium grass, his pupils slightly dialated. The man had spread the weed out the back of the metropolitan warehouse without anyone else¡¯s knowledge, and Guntar was afraid he¡¯d be punished for it one day.


    ¡°You still worried about this?¡± Jines said, following his subordinate¡¯s gaze. ¡°You need to relax. I¡¯ve worked here going on four cycles, and we haven¡¯t been audited once. Well, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll get used to it after awhile.¡±


    Guntar didn¡¯t see how that was possible, given how severe the penalty for raising Illium grass was, but he knew better than to argue with his direct superior, especially in a cushy job like this. No war, no conflict, and a government salary to take home every month.


    All he had had to do was pass a test for being particularly good at telling partial circles apart from whole circles under a certain amount of time. It wasn¡¯t even hard. All the studying and effort he had put in seemed meaningless now, seeing as how all he had to do was talley up the black scrolls at the end of the day, make a list and send it to the Inner Spheres. A completely mindless task. Well, it gave him more time to think about the work he was going to do on his house and his wife when he got home.


    Jines collapsed into the recliner he¡¯d snuck into the warehouse, picked up a book and passed Guntar the list before picking up where he¡¯d left off the day before. Guntar took it in stride, grabbing the trolley and pushing it out of the Record Keeper¡¯s area into the warehouse proper. By himself, it took every minute of his eight hour day to finish the whole warehouse.


    Guntar walked down the aisle of tubes, his eyes flickering up and down the shelves, looking for black. The shelves were well designed, so that at a moment¡¯s glance, a Record Keeper could see if any of the scrolls had turned black. There were always a lot. Between the first two aisles, Guntar could make out dozens of blackened scrolls, representing people who¡¯d been alive yesterday.


    Jines was partially right about getting used to it. At first, Guntar had felt odd about being surrounded by so much death, but it was distant and abstract, so the concern faded from his mind quickly.


    He walked through the aisles, same as every other day, loading up the cart with blackened scrolls, the name of the person printed on a gold plate on the outside of the case. Guntar made sure all the labels were facing the right way. Jines yelled at him if they weren¡¯t the way he liked them.


    An hour later, when he¡¯d collected scrolls from a quarter of the warehouse and the trolley was nearly overloaded, Guntar brought them back to the rest area and sat down at his station, beginning to print out the names of the fallen, using the labels on the cases as stamps.


    Jines glanced over from his book and raised a brow before he picked up a case, reading it aloud.


    ¡°Kenra Bineri, two star gold ranked, Planet Peria, layer 2859. Wow, how many does that make now?¡±


    ¡°Three so far.¡± Guntar said, accepting the case from Jines¡¯ hand and pressing it against the inkpad then the scroll. He didn¡¯t have time to ooh and awe over every dead general. There were thousands of generals in the warehouse alone, let alone the rest of the Spheres. It wasn¡¯t for him to sort out anyway. Guntar¡¯s only job was to make the list and send it to the higher up¡¯s for review.


    ***


    ¡°And we present to these three individuals with the Sphere¡¯s Medal of Valor for their bravery in defending the people of the planet Jindar, though they were not native to its land. Thanks to them, we are all a little safer.¡± The Shinta on the stage said, motioning to the three of them.


    Whaddya know, we all went to the same planet, Garth thought, casting a glance across the rabid crowd. Of course there could be enough problems on a single planet that they all went to the same place. Garth was aghast at the sheer scale of the behemoth government of the Inner Sphere. How many people did they represent? Trillions? Septillions? A googolplex?


    It made his head hurt just thinking about it. All he could hope to do was carve out his little niche and keep Earth thriving.


    ¡°Leanne O¡¯malley, step forward.¡± Leanne came to the front of the platform, and the Shinta placed a blue medal over her head. The shape was a funky wiggle that probably meant something to an alien a long time ago, but to Garth it just look like a toddler tried to write an ampersand. ¡°For ridding the world of Okath Na¡¯gaar, and removing the stain of his presence, we thank you.¡± He then let Leanne give a short speech.


    Garth didn¡¯t listen to the speech so much as watch it. Mana flowed from her mouth as she spoke, weaved into her words. it settled into the surrounding people, buoying them up on emotions.


    Garth idly flicked the foreign mana away from him as she spoke, studying the phenomenon.


    You have learned Clarion Call! Proficiency 5%!


    Thank you Leanne. Garth thought as he deciphered the mana in her words, then a thought occurred to him. Could he replicate other Apostle¡¯s blessings in the form of a spell? He¡¯d done it with Beladia¡¯s with enough practice, why not others? That bears investigating.


    At the very least, he might discover powerful new spells, or ways to modify them, like Recursive Casting. The question was, how did he pin down another apostle and observe them close enough to figure it out without letting them know what he was doing?


    He had a more pressing concern to deal with, though. He¡¯d realized that he was woefully underprepared to fight other magic users. Just getting his spell jostled while he was casting had messed him up but good, and the delicate weaving work of plant magic was infinitely harder to do when people were trying to siphon mana out of the surroundings.


    It explained why they used simpler fireballs and firebolts in a fight.


    ¡°Jim Daniels, please step forward.¡±


    Jim bent forward and let the medal slide over his neck. His speech was short and to the point. Something about hope and renewal, Garth thought, half listening. Once his brother was done, it was the last person¡¯s turn.


    ¡°Bet you wish you were up there.¡± Tyler said from beside him as they looked up at the stage. the skinhead had grown a bit of dark brown hair on his scalp, concealing the edges of his tattoos.


    ¡°Why?¡± Garth asked, glancing over.


    ¡°I figured you were the type is all. Missed out on your opportunity to talk about minotaur cock at length, ya fag.¡±


    Garth ran his gaze up and down Tyler. The man¡¯s equipment had improved somewhat, with a long blade about six feet long on his back, and dark black riding leathers. Seemed like the time patrolling the woods of the other continent for wandering monsters had been good to him.


    Hmm¡­ Seems like as good a time as any, Garth thought, weaving mana delicately over Tyler¡¯s body while the man was standing there glaring at him. Let¡¯s see, I don¡¯t have any automatic targeting, but since he¡¯s right in front of me, I can ignore that. Don¡¯t need to weigh it down with recursive behavior either, let¡¯s keep it as simple as possible, just have it do one thing, on one condition.


    Garth weaved the mana around him, using cobbled together pieces from warding spells, along with what he knew about emotion from Charm and what he¡¯d seen in Leanne¡¯s words as she used Clarion Call to manipulate people¡¯s emotions. It was a basic warding spell that triggered on a single phrase and fed anxiety back to the target. Simple enough.


    ¡°Call me a fag again.¡± Garth said, watching the spellwork closely.


    ¡°Fag, faggity fag fag fag.¡±Tyler said, the warding laced over his head flaring red. Rather than flaring up once, it burned bright and began sinking into Tyler¡¯s skin.


    ¡°What, you want me to carve it..on..your¡­¡± Tyler¡¯s eyes widened, and he began to pant, before clutching his heart and kneeling, his whole body shivering. That was a hell of a lot more anxiety than Garth had intended, and the warding spell was still glowing brightly¡­


    Oh, crap, feedback loop! Garth thought, hastily snipping the mana circuit. Garth wasn¡¯t sure if it was because the idiot said ¡®fag¡¯ too many times, or if it was because the spell was flawed. It was a little too strong, too. He had hoped for the guy to just get nervous and leave, but this was a bit too much. Garth reviewed the structure in his mind, removing any connections that seemed likely to create a feedback loop and reapplied it to Tyler. He left the potency the same because he wasn¡¯t sure if it was the loop or multiple triggers that caused the spell to do so much damage.


    ¡°You doing alright?¡± Garth asked, helping Tyler to his feet as Wilson cackled evilly on his shoulder.


    ¡°Get off me!¡± Tyler shrugged him off as soon as he was on his feet again, straightening his black leather while he struggled to control his breathing. Garth wasn¡¯t mad about that. Some people dealt with being terrified differently than others. Garth had never been able to look at his middle school teacher the same after they¡¯d been in a car crash together. The brain was weird.


    ¡°Hey Tyler, could you do me a favor?¡±


    ¡°What, whaddya want?¡± he said, his wandering eyes refocusing on Garth. Can¡¯t exactly ask him to call me a fag again or he¡¯ll catch on too quick, let¡¯s go the other way around and see what happens.


    ¡°Can you tell me where to find a place to sleep? I just got in town.¡±


    This time, Garth cast a much wider net, setting it to trigger on ¡®alright, sure, okay, yeah¡¯ and a few of the names of local inns.


    ¡°Yeah, The Warm Sock at the entrance. You shoulda fuckin seen it at the entrance if you weren¡¯t blind.¡± Once again the spellwork flared up, but this time it faded away quickly, only staying for a few seconds. Tyler got a dopey smile as soon as he finished speaking, his shoulders relaxing as the anxiety melted away. Well, at least the brutish thug didn¡¯t look like he was going to run away or pull a knife on anybody now.


    Too bad the spell couldn¡¯t account for tone yet.


    ¡°Cool, thanks.¡± Garth said with a warm smile. He felt a lot guiltier than he expected despite it not technically being mind control.


    You have created an original spell, what would you like to call it?


    Operant Conditioning.


    You have learned Operant Conditioning! Proficiency 4%!


    ¡°Garth, give me four days with this guy. I¡¯ll straighten out his behavior in no time.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°No,¡± Garth said, ¡°we use these powers for good.¡±


    Wilson blew a raspberry.


    ¡°What?¡± Tyler asked.


    ¡°Talking to my imaginary friend,¡± Garth said, then nudged Tyler. ¡°Hey, my guy¡¯s up.¡±


    ¡°Your guy?¡±


    On the stage, the announcer spoke.


    ¡°Kylen Hine, please step forward.¡± The fat corio stepped forward and received his medal. ¡°For saving the people of the eight thousand nine hundred and first outpost, and ending the threat of the rampaging feeder, we honor you.¡±


    The fat corio blushed and stepped forward, pulling the microphone down from where Jim had raised it way up.


    ¡°Hello, people of Juntai. I¡¯m honored to receive such high accolades from the Inner Spheres, and most importantly, the people that I helped. But I didn¡¯t do It alone. The people of my outpost have been talking about how I turned a new leaf that day, about how I¡¯m normally a man with very little spine.¡±


    ¡°And it¡¯s all true. I saw the problem and I knew what I had to do, but my legs were pudding. When all seemed lost, I got a little help from a friend from the outer spheres with a curious product from Earth.¡±


    He pulled out a brown leather bag.


    ¡°It¡¯s called cocaine.¡±


    ¡°No fucking way.¡± Tyler said, shaking his head.


    ¡°Eh, humans have been screwing each other over for hundreds of thousands of years,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°We gotta show these imperialist assholes we got game.¡±

 Chapter 50: Appearances can be Deceiving

    Hey Clark, how¡¯s tricks?


    I¡¯m sending a guy named Tyler to help coordinate our business in the south and clear L.A. This is dangerous, but he¡¯s got connections that will get bodies where they need to be. He got off a stint of military service after being deemed less hazardous than me and a couple other people. Ipso facto, he¡¯s not that bright.


    He¡¯s probably gonna be the toughest fighter there, but make no mistakes. You are his boss. I already told him as much, but we get a lot of colorful characters as apostles, apparently. He¡¯s going to try to push your buttons and take leadership away from you.


    Be absolutely careful, he¡¯s got a fair amount of manpower. Don¡¯t let him get anywhere near the kids, I suggest working with him at a separate location until I have time to adjust his behavior.


    If he walks in with dozens of his men and rounds everyone up to make a power play, making a show of how badass he is, say these words. ¡®does this make you feel like a man, Tyler?¡¯ I put a particularly nasty spell on him that will make him break down into uncontrollable sobbing. Should nip that shit in the bud.


    If you need to kill him, say ¡®Colander Snake apple¡¯. Please don¡¯t kill him if you don¡¯t have to. And for god¡¯s sake don¡¯t tell him you¡¯ve got keywords. He¡¯ll just gag you in your sleep or find a way to get rid of them.


    Make it clear we¡¯re trying to run a business, not a criminal empire. He¡¯s going to have to reframe his entire way of thinking, but he should be useful when push comes to shove.


    And thank you for looking after all the family we¡¯ve got over there, we couldn¡¯t have asked for more from you. You¡¯re in everyone¡¯s prayers.


    -Garth Daniels, Commander of the 1st Earth Company of Beladia.


    P.S.


    Pretty cool title huh?


    Kid,


    The business goes pretty good. We took everyone into town to buy classes a few weeks ago, and we¡¯re really starting to take off. I¡¯ve even got three kids that chose to become Phytomagi to help me out, a handful of druids, and plenty of willing hands.


    The cigars didn¡¯t sell great at first, but they¡¯ve started to catch on as a cheap supplement to the expensive beer in the outposts. Pretty soon, we¡¯ll send our first inter-reality shipment! God damn, I never thought I¡¯d be the first stoner to ship pot to aliens on another planet!


    With the help of the kids, we¡¯re putting out enough to supply half the country on a good day, so much so that I¡¯ve made most of it into concentrate and stored it, to keep the prices of the cigars from going too low. Once it catches on, we can meet almost any demand. Well, not if it catches on in more than one planet, which seems possible. Crap, come to think of it, there might not be enough pot in the world to supply the Inner Spheres. Not a bad problem to have.


    As for this Tyler guy, it sounds like a stupid, damn dangerous idea, even with your keywords. Sounds like this guy¡¯s used to playing a completely different ballgame than what you¡¯re aiming for, here. I¡¯ve dealt with his type before though, and let me tell you, I don¡¯t enjoy it, but I can handle them.


    Get your ass back here soon.


    -Clark Simmons


    Garth folded up the letter and tossed it in the fire beside him.


    What Clark didn¡¯t know was that Garth had locked Tyler down with a comprehensive spell designed to curb his behavior. It went far beyond two keywords. From rewarding him for saying things like ¡®please¡¯ and ¡®thank you¡¯, all the way up to making him wracked with guilt if he struck anyone, or a little anxious every time he insulted somebody. In a matter of weeks, he should be a model citizen.


    If he didn¡¯t suffer from a manic episode or kill himself, or get killed by his own crew. The horrible outcomes paraded through Garth¡¯s mind as he sat and shared a beer and a cigar with Sandi.


    Garth had wrapped the unsuspecting thug in layer after layer of spells while he was drinking with him in an inn as he was giving him the lowdown on Clark¡¯s operation near L.A. He¡¯d even designed the spell to latch on to any enchanted equipment in Tyler¡¯s possession to fuel itself and the item. Long story short, Garth was seriously stabbing Tyler in the back with a nasty, nasty curse that could potentially give him a heart attack.


    Tyler¡¯s job was to start clearing out L.A. and form supply chains to the outposts in the south Americas, but Garth trusted him about as far as he could throw him. Come to think of it, Garth was a lot stronger than he used to be, so the expression had lost some meaning recently.


    ¡°Am I supposed to feel like the bad guy?¡± Garth asked. ¡°I know he¡¯s a jackass, and I know he¡¯s gonna do everything he can to screw me while my back is turned, but it was just so easy to get the better of him.¡± Garth said, exhaling a cloud of smoke over the surface of his beer. He¡¯d gotten good enough recently that he could make the smoke into a long eastern dragon without too much detail. Garth was still working on the sailing ship.


    ¡°All I can think is what happens if I made a mistake and someone gets hurt? We didn¡¯t need to work with the guy, and if that bites us in the ass, it¡¯s on me.¡±


    Sandi took a sip of beer, listening to his whining while Itet roasted a rabbit-like creature over the Inn¡¯s fireplace. The other people in the main hall seemed to know well enough to leave them alone.


    ¡°You know,¡± Sandi said, scooting closer. ¡°I heard a few stories growing up about women that were spellslingers who got accosted and melted their attacker¡¯s faces off. People getting attacked happens less often than you might think out here, because you can¡¯t tell from appearances if someone can kill you with their mind. I think Tyler and his people are aware of that, after all the time they¡¯ve spent in the city.¡±


    An idea began to perculate in Garth¡¯s mind. If he sent Clark a handful of copies of Fly and Firebolt, and made it required learning for everyone old enough to read, not only would children be able to melt Tyler¡¯s face off if he tried anything, they could defend themselves from Kipling and monster attacks as well.


    And as far as he knew, there wasn¡¯t a single one of Tyler¡¯s crew or kipling on Earth that could fly. If all the children had to do was lift into the air and go bye-bye, then their survival rate would skyrocket.


    It was a good extra measure to the plan, but it felt like there was something¡­missing.


    He needed to make sure Tyler¡¯s thugs had the lesson rammed home. Once they were back on Earth, they would relax their guards, think other humans were easier pickings, and forget to be cautious of strangers, if they had even learned it in the first place.


    Once Garth¡¯s mind was made up, he jotted down a quick letter to Clark with a package containing the spells and a substantial portion of his bank account, then hustled for the door. Tyler and his men hadn¡¯t left the outpost yet, they still had one more night before they left, and they were celebrating being discharged. It was perfect.


    ¡°You gonna stay for¡­whatever this is?¡± Itet asked from the fire.


    ¡°No, I¡¯ve gotta go be a duplicitous scumbag.¡±


    ¡°Oh, can I come?¡± Itet asked, coming to her feet. Garth thought about it for a moment. He might need Itet if things went poorly.


    ¡°Yes you can! As long as you stay completely hidden. Sandi, you wanna come too?¡±


    ¡°What are you gonna be doing?¡± Sandi asked. She seemed subtly thinner than usual and it made Garth wonder for a second before he dismissed it. Her real body was anything but frail. Maybe she was sick?


    ¡°We¡¯re gonna be hiding in a smelly alley and tormenting soldiers on leave! You gonna be okay while we¡¯re gone?¡±


    Sandi wrinkled her nose at the ¡®smelly alley¡¯ and shook her head. ¡°You guys go ahead. I¡¯m nice and comfy in front of the fire.¡±


    ¡°Be back in a couple hours.¡± Garth said, trotting outside with Itet.


    ***


    To catch a predator, one needs the right bait, Garth thought as he strode into the alley across the street from the tavern where some of Tyler¡¯s goons were partying.


    The alley was damp and warm, owing to the warm, wet weather of the continent they were on currently. There was a decent amount of things to hide behind, a broken down wagon that had sunk into the mud and shit, becoming part of the environment and a tent with a smelly hobo living in it.


    The beggar was a human with wild hair, eight-inch beard, and crazy eyes. Garth knelt beside him, and flashed him a hundred credit coin.


    ¡°Can we use the alley for an hour or two?¡±


    The man snatched the coin out of Garth¡¯s hand and bit on it, making sure it was gold before he tucked the coin into his ragged clothes. The guy was wearing a lot for such warm weather, layer after layer of ragged robes. It must have been sweltering. stick thin arms and legs emerged from inside the clothes, giving Garth an idea of how thin he really was.


    ¡°Mi casa es su casa, make yourself at home,¡± the beggar said with a gaptoothed grin. Garth was a bit taken aback at the deep baritone and the man¡¯s educated voice, but he had other things to take care of.


    ¡°If you two could hide for a bit,¡± Garth said, pulling the strands of mana together and weaving an illusion of a little boy with a large coinpurse and a spiffy new Status band. Something the boys in there wouldn¡¯t be opposed to stealing. At Garth¡¯s direction, the lure marched into the inn, made sure he was seen, then left.


    ¡°What are we doing, exactly?¡± Itet asked from behind the wagon.


    ¡°We¡¯re giving some people a minor trauma so they think twice about attacking random strangers. Should make my people back on Earth a tiny bit safer.¡±


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t Tyler have nearly a hundred people who chose to stay with him? surely we can¡¯t get all of them here.¡±


    ¡°No, but the story will spread.¡±


    The first thug they reeled in was an orc, who stalked after the child, his eyes on the kid¡¯s coinpurse. Tyler¡¯s crew was entirely human, So Garth knew he got the wrong guy. Oh well, take the fish off the hook and try again. Once the green-skinned tusker was out of sight, Garth had the child turn around, it¡¯s eyes glowing.


    ¡°Do you wish to keep your soul, mortal?¡± the illusion asked in an incredibly deep, inhuman voice, turning to face the orc as it floated into the air with a burning aura. It¡¯s eyes shone like white hot steel.


    The orc yelped and fell on his ass, scooting out of the alley as fast as he could, while the beggar bit his knuckles, attempting to suppress his laughter. A half hour later, after a few false starts, Garth managed to lure three of the men out of the Inn, casually walking twenty feet or so behind the illusionary child.


    The kid turned into the alley, and the three men thoughtlessly followed him. They were on another planet! There was no way you¡¯d find a rich little human kid ripe for mugging in the alleys of this city. They were just being stupid¡­


    The hairs on Garth¡¯s neck stood up, and his eyes slid toward the beggar. The human beggar, on an alien planet, watching the situation with casual amusement. Garth took a steadying breath and didn¡¯t show any reaction to that thought, simply continuing with his plan. There was a 100% chance the guy hiding behind the tent beside him wasn¡¯t human, but that didn¡¯t mean he was dangerous.


    Not necessarily.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 51: When the Student is Ready, the Master Appears

    ¡°Why are we branding them?¡± Itet asked as Garth reheated the wire floating above his palm with fire mana for the second unconscious thug.


    ¡°So they don¡¯t forget.¡± He replied, touching the wire to the man¡¯s forehead before moving on. ¡°Humans have very short memories. Especially people like this.¡±


    ¡°I see. I think.¡±


    The men had postured and threatened to hurt Little Timmy (The illusion) in order to steal from him, and so Garth felt little guilt about scaring them into a mini coma. These were the kind of people Clark was going to be dealing with soon, and he didn¡¯t want them acting like animals around his Company¡¯s families.


    It had actually been kind of funny watching their reaction to Timmy rising into the air with a maelstrom of crackling energy around him, speaking in a demonic language.


    ¡°You don¡¯t seem like an Apostle of Beladia.¡± The bum said with a little frown.


    ¡°How can you tell?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve been around the block a time or two. The purple skin is a dead giveaway.¡±


    ¡°Ah, well you don¡¯t seem like a human, but here we are.¡± Garth said, branding the third and final bad egg from Tyler¡¯s crew.


    ¡°Really,¡± he said, raising his hands to look at himself. ¡°What gave it away?¡±


    ¡°Wrong planet.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± The man relaxed and lowered his arms.


    ¡°You¡¯re not going to eat these guys once I leave, are you?¡± Garth asked, pointing at them. They weren¡¯t the nicest people, but he wanted them to tell their story and serve as an example, rather than mysteriously disappearing.


    The beggar sputtered, looking genuinely offended. ¡°How could you suggest such a thing?¡±


    ¡°The only other shapeshifter I know occasionally eats people.¡± Garth said, raising his hands to placate the man. ¡°I was just covering my bases.¡±


    ¡°Hmph,¡± the man grunted and crossed his stick thin arms. ¡°See if I offer you an apprenticeship now.¡±


    ¡°An apprenticeship?¡±


    He threw his hands wide and raised his voice. ¡°Be amazed, for you are speaking to none other than Castavelle De¡¯Chestaland, the greatest spellwright in the known universes. Yes, I¡¯ve been scouring the outer Spheres for years, looking for someone to take up the mantle as the greatest Archmage the world has ever known.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± Garth said, grabbing the unconscious man under the arms and scooting him further into the alley. So the bum was a wizard. That sounded about right. Garth really, really wanted to say yes, but¡­


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± The man said, deflating.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got a lot of stuff on my plate,¡± Garth said, ticking the items off his fingers. ¡°Resettle L.A. and the rest of California. Manage an interdimensional business. Fulfill a promise to get a hundred and twenty five people home safely. Make a body for Wilson¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t forget to check whether or not Sandi¡¯s pregnant.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°Hormones!¡± Garth shouted, slamming his fist into his palm, standing over the branded body of a human thug. That might explain why Sandi looked thin. If her construct looked frail to make him more protective while she was pregnant that would explain things. That was what had been niggling in the back of his mind.


    ¡°Either that or it¡¯s a false alarm and she¡¯s just sick.¡± Wilson chimed in.


    The self-proclaimed Castavelle chuckled, shaking his head.


    ¡°Tell you what. I can respect that you¡¯ve got a lot of important things to do. Shaping your life and the fate of your planet? Those worldly matters are not trivial. How about a bet? You attack me one time, and if it meets my standards, I will tell you how to escape the cycle of being summoned over and over again to your death.¡±


    Garth glanced at Itet, who shrugged, then back to the old-looking man.


    ¡°You¡¯re not going to tell me to get gold rank, are you?¡±


    ¡°No. let me give you a tidbit. The documentation of the Inner spheres is all in hardcopy. By its very nature, it must be kept in solid, physical form, and it is what they use to teleport you across the dimensions against your will. I can tell you exactly where yours is.¡±


    ¡°And why would you offer that?¡±


    ¡°I like kids like you that use their heads rather than their fists to solve problems. Reminds me of me. If you¡¯re too busy to receive apprenticeship, then I can at least do you this favor.¡±


    ¡°If my attack is good enough?¡±


    ¡°Yep, think of it as a game. Give me your best shot.¡±


    ¡°Any kind of attack?¡± Garth clarified, tensing up.


    ¡°Any kind at all, Physical, mental, magical, fire, ice, whatever you¡¯re most confident in.¡±


    ¡°And this isn¡¯t some excuse to humiliate me about how much better you are than me at magic?¡± That would follow the typical pattern.


    ¡°I tell you what, if your attack manages to damage a hair on my head, I¡¯ll follow you back to Earth and train you there.¡± The bum preened, his expression smug.


    ¡°Promise me you won¡¯t bear ill will, no matter how underhanded and ruthless the attack.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°You wanted my best shot, didn¡¯t you?¡±


    Castavelle (Self-proclaimed) snorted and raised a hand. ¡°I promise on my honor as the greatest Archmage of all time, I won¡¯t retaliate against young Garth Daniels for his one attack, nor bear him ill will.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯re not going to read my mind?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Why all these questions?¡± the bum said, throwing up his hands. ¡°It¡¯s a simple request. Hit me with your worst attack. Lay it on me. I know for a fact that there¡¯s nothing you can do that will ruffle my feathers. Don¡¯t hold back!¡±


    ¡°Okay, you asked for it,¡± Garth said, focusing on his Status Band.


    Bcc: everyone in The Inner Spheres except Castavelle De¡¯Chestaland.


    There¡¯s a guy claiming to be Castavelle De¡¯Chestaland on the 2845th layer, the planet Jindar, 1913th outpost, in an alley across from the Howling Loon Pub. He acts like a bum, claims he¡¯s looking for an apprentice¡­


    ¡°Before we get started though, can you prove you¡¯re who you say you are?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Of course!¡± he said, revealing a strange white amulet that hurt the eyes to look at. The object seemed to twist and force Garth¡¯s sight to follow it uncomfortably.


    He¡¯s waving around a weird white amulet that hurts the eyes.


    ¡°That it?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Is that it?¡± Castavelle mocked. ¡°This is the amulet of All-seeing, the most powerful Divination aid in the known universes. I melted fifteen Mythic cores to creat¡­.¡±


    Garth zoned him out, putting the finishing touches on the letter.


    He says it¡¯s the amulet of All-seeing, whatever that means.


    Aaand, send.


    ¡°¡­Which is why I¡¯ve been unrivaled for as long as I have.¡±


    ¡°So what¡¯s it do?¡± Garth asked, refocusing on the conversation.


    ¡°I just told you!¡± Castavelle said. ¡°Now, are you going to attack me or not?¡±


    Garth raised his hand. ¡°Wait for it.¡±


    A moment of silence passed between them, all Garth could hear was the carousing from the pub across the street and the quiet blowing of the warm, wet wind.


    ¡°Die, you bastard!¡± a grey-blue shinta wearing glossy black robes and wielding a shimmering sword that looked like flowing quicksilver shouted, descending from a white portal in the sky.


    ¡°The Pan-Ua Clan will have it¡¯s revenge!¡± screamed a woman in a high pitched language, as a phalanx of heavily armed corio marched into the street through another portal. Garth felt his brows raise. Maybe this guy was the real deal. Can¡¯t be the greatest archmage of all time without making some enemies.


    ¡°Balls!¡± Castavelle shouted, his eyes widening as the shinta descended on him. A staff manifested in his hand to ward off the attack. The two weapons collided in an explosion of light and sound, searing Garth¡¯s eyes and causing his ears to ring.


    With a flicker of light from Castavelle¡¯s hand, the black robed man fell in two pieces, but even as his body fell to the ground, hundreds more mages with grudges against the archmage poured onto the rooftops.


    ¡°Don¡¯t let him leave!¡± Came a shout and bubbles of various colors of energy sprung up over the alleyway. Garth could feel the pressure weighing down on him, making it impossible to breathe, let alone move. He sank to his knees.


    Maybe this was a bad idea.


    ¡°No¡­Shit¡­¡± Wilson grunted from the ground beside him.


    ¡°He¡¯s breaking through the barriers!¡±


    A moment later the pressure lifted and the fields shattered into meaningless mana just as Castavelle vanished in a blast of light.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got a tracking spell on him, through here!¡± One elderly mage with gilded horns said, gesturing to thin air and opening a massive gate at the end of the alley. Dozens of mages jumped into the white portal moments before it closed. One of them wasn¡¯t so lucky and left behind a foot.


    Garth came to his feet, panting as more and more mages showed up, moments too late to engage with the archmage.


    ¡°What is he, a raid boss?¡± Garth asked incredulously, scanning the surroundings that were filling up with milling mages talking excitedly with each other.


    ¡°I do not know, but we should leave.¡± Itet said.


    ¡°Seconded.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°No doubt.¡± Garth began walking away, winding through the crowd of mages, trying to put some distance between himself and the situation while looking as inconspicuous as possible.


    ¡°You there.¡± A tall man with long black hair said, stepping in front of Garth. ¡°Did you see what happened here?¡±


    ¡°The Castavelle guy got away and a bunch of people followed him.¡± Garth said, trying to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible. He knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as he saw the cruel glint in the man¡¯s eye.


    ¡°So you did see what happened here.¡±


    Without warning the man reached forward and seized the top of Garth¡¯s head.


    Starting at the feet and slowly working its way up to his head, every nerve he possessed fried as the man rummaged through his mind. Garth wanted to scream, but couldn¡¯t control his lungs. It felt as though his soul was being ripped from his body.


    Itet lunged forward, but with a dismissive wave, she collapsed to the ground, motionless.


    Garth¡¯s vision filled with stars as his eyes began to roll back in his head, farther than they were ever meant to go. He tried to channel mana to cut of the fingers in his brain, but the very notion was denied him. His will to resist was ruthlessly carved away from him.


    ¡°Ah,¡± the man said, turning back to his bretheren. ¡°Elder Dragus is in pursuit, if we teleport to him, we¡¯ll be able to join the hunt and¡­ he turned back to Garth, frowning. ¡°You¡¯re the one he wanted to take as an apprentice.¡± He stared at Garth a moment longer before bursting out into wholehearted laughter.


    ¡°Your best attack, by all the gods, you got him there. Although perhaps you didn¡¯t expect this kind of turnout, hmm?¡±


    Garth couldn¡¯t answer him, the world looked like one big blur, the fuzzy stars above him shaking in time to the mad beat of his heart. He couldn¡¯t move. He couldn¡¯t think.


    ¡°Well, can¡¯t leave a Clanless mage that Castavelle showed an interest in around to cause trouble later.¡±


    Garth felt a pain in his neck, before the world tumbled around him like a drying machine. The claws paralyzing his mind relaxed, and the instant before everything went dim, he wondered if Sandi really was pregnant.


    ***


    ¡°All I can think is what happens if I made a mistake and someone gets hurt? We didn¡¯t need to work with the guy, and if that bites us in the ass, it¡¯s on me.¡± Garth said, leaning on the table and swirling the last of his beer in the mug. It wasn¡¯t quite so expensive a few layers down, where people could make their own.


    Sandi took a sip of her beer, listening to Garth¡¯s whining while Itet roasted a rabbit-like creature over the Inn¡¯s fireplace. The other people in the main hall seemed to know well enough to leave them alone.


    Sandi began to scoot over to him when the front door of the Inn burst open, drawing their attention as it slammed against the wall, revealing a snarling bum dressed in stained brown robes and sporting a wild afro of mangy greying hair.


    ¡°You!¡± he said, pointing at Garth.


    The hell does this guy want? Garth thought, tensing up and drawing the mana in the room to himself.


    ¡°because of your little-¡° he adopted a singsong voice and raised his hands to make air quotes. His left hand was missing. ¡°Attaaack, I had to purge the last three hours in every plane of existence! Do you know how fucking hard that is!? Some of them are still looking for me!¡±


    The man tromped forward and scooped up Sandi¡¯s oversized beer mug and began gulping it down, beer running down either side of his face and adding to the collection of stains on the front of his robe.


    ¡°Hey!¡± she said, to which the man responded with an animalistic growl.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t be drinking anyway,¡± he muttered into the mug before finishing it.


    Itet stood, her hands inching toward her swords. Her antennae showing Caution/Alarm. Garth motioned for her not to do anything. He didn¡¯t want crazy hobo blood on his hands.


    ¡°Can we help you?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± the bum said around a belch coming to sit in front of them. ¡°The name¡¯s Ca-¡° he paused for a second.


    ¡°Cassius, like the boxer, and you can take off that ridiculous trinket.¡± He waved a hand, and Garth got a glimpse of finely controlled mana speeding for his left arm. Too quick to react, Garth¡¯s Status band unlocked itself from his arm and threw itself in the fire, along with Sandi and Itet¡¯s.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Garth shouted.


    ¡°ZZi tchi zzitizch iizcht zi?¡± Itet asked.


    ¡°Opo oalape pi bo Huaba?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°Damn things are bugged anyway. You want a Status Band, make your own.¡± Cassius said, settling down at the table.


    Garth took a deep, steadying breath. He had to figure out what was going on, and now he couldn¡¯t even confer with his teammates.


    ¡°Why are you here, talking to us?¡± he asked, as calmly as possible.


    ¡°You don¡¯t remember? Cassius said, leaning across the table and grinning at him with blackened teeth. ¡°Two hours from now, we had a bet, and you won. Yaaay.¡± He slow-clapped his hand to his stump in front of Garth¡¯s face.


    ¡°And now if I regrow my hand, that fucker Dragus is going to be on me like white on rice because the wound was cursed. So congratu-fucking-lations, you just so happened to get lucky enough to survive because purging the time stream at the cost of one of my most powerful artifacts and my hand was the only way to avoid your ¨C air quotes again ¨C attack.¡±


    Garth took a moment to process that. Then he tried to process that some more.


    ¡°So what happened exactly?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about it.¡± Cassius said, snatching the last of Garth¡¯s beer away from him and downing that too.


    ¡°What did I win?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± The ragged man raised long grey brow and fixed him with an evil stare.


    ¡°If there was a bet, there must¡¯ve been stakes. What did I win?¡±


    ¡°Telling you what you won was not part of the bet. Although not killing you while you were still in your mother¡¯s womb was implied.¡±


    ¡°Incidentally, the place where your records are being held and used to teleport you against your will is a warehouse on the planet Gurad, 2859th layer, outpost 2516.¡±


    ¡°Was that part of the bet?¡±


    ¡°I have no obligation to tell you that.¡± Cassius gave him an angry snarl then turned to the bar. ¡°More beer!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re so goddamn lucky I¡¯m a man of my word.¡± Cassius said, turning back to face Garth, his knuckles white around the beer stein. ¡°In a few thousand years, I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll laugh and laugh about this-¡° He held up his stump again. ¡°But right now it¡¯s pretty fresh, and if I hadn¡¯t promised in advance not to retaliate for your little stunt, You¡¯d be dead and/or getting ass-raped in the most homoerotic prison in the multiverse.¡±


    ¡°What little stunt?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not gonna fucking tell you.¡± Cassius said. ¡°What if you do it again?¡±


    ¡°Suffice it to say I¡¯m going to follow through on my end of the bet, however long it takes, because your attack was up to my standards. Hah.¡± He grunted and snagged a beer from the serving wench, a sturdy green Orc woman.


    ¡°In the meantime-¡° The roast rabbit flew from the fireplace toward Cassius and he took a bite of the meat hovering beside him. ¡°I wanna get shitfaced and get laid,¡± He started knocking back the beer, giving a mighty exhale when he finished.


    ¡°Because I haven¡¯t come that close to dying in two thousand years.¡±

 Chapter 52: Personal Hygene

    ¡°There were some very expensive spellbooks in that Status Band,¡± Garth said, his damnedest to stay calm. So far the bum had showed up, showed a modest talent at Telekinesis, a fair amount of paranoia and spouted a random location. His reasons for being here were cryptic at best and involved a bet. He also seemed to harbor some kind of grudge against Garth. Mind control spells I hardly knew ye.


    ¡°You can still dive in there and save the finger paintings if you want.¡± Cassius said, taking a sip of his newly refreshed beer. The gem studded in the center of Garth¡¯s Status Band split down the middle with an audible crack.


    ¡°Well, you could¡¯ve.¡± Cassius shrugged.


    ¡°Charlie!¡± Sandi shouted, jumping out of her seat and sprinting over to the fire, kicking her status band out and daintily extracting her plant from the singed band. She cradled the carnivorous plant and cooed at it. Something about that sight niggled in the back of his mind, on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn¡¯t quite put it together.


    ¡°Well at least you got Charlie out of it.¡± Garth said, putting his jaw on his palm. Thank Beladia all the Mythic Cores were already back on Earth. Garth was a little hesitant, but the postal service made short work of it.


    ¡°welu, oodei opela soo koi?¡± Sandi asked.


    Garth stared at her for a moment, then glanced at Itet.


    ¡°It¡¯ze chizi izitech zzztic,¡± she said, with the Tzetin shrug.


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s not gonna work.¡± Garth said, drumming his fingers on the table. He¡¯d been taking the translator for granted.


    ¡°You could learn their languages.¡± Wilson said. ¡°Ladies dig a guy who can speak French, or whatever she¡¯s speaking.¡±


    ¡°I assume she¡¯s speaking a dialect of tentacle monster.¡± Garth said. Learning a new language didn¡¯t actually seem like an insurmountable task, what with his enhanced intelligence and memory. Might even be fun. ¡°Which ladies also dig.¡±


    ¡°What makes you so sure the Status bands are bugged?¡±


    ¡°They track your identity and location upon putting them on. They can even be used for an involuntary teleport. Whatever petty shit most people have going on is so far beneath their notice that it¡¯s pointless, even criminals up to mass murderers and brutal regional warlords don¡¯t really have anything to fear from them. There¡¯s just too many people to bother spending resources on them. There are a few people out there who disrupt trade so badly, or destroy the population of one or more planets, that get rounded up by those things. Status Bands are such an integral part of our lives that no one thinks twice about them they get forcefully teleported into a sun. But if you ever become enemy numero uno, like me, well, that¡¯s a different story.¡±


    ¡°Let me get this straight,¡± Garth said ¡°As long as I didn¡¯t destroy a planet or disrupt trade-¡° Garth came to a sudden stop. He had spread the word across Earth to keep the Mythic Cores to themselves. Did that count?


    Garth glanced at Sandi petting her potted plant. They had three days until their next deployment. Another suicide mission, of course. Clearing a salt flat of man-eating burrowing monsters. nobody even lived there.


    ¡°Tell me more about this warehouse that has our information.¡±


    ***


    Garth stood outside the warehouse described by Cassius, an enormous stone building. It had taken a few tries with the portable Gate he¡¯d stolen from Kine, but after a couple hours of dialing it in, he¡¯d gotten the right continent, then the right country, then the right city, and that had been plenty.


    Myriad aliens of various shapes, sizes and colors passed by without giving him a second glance as he studied the three story building that was about the size of a supermarket and apparently filled to the brim with records.


    ¡°Well, Sandi, care to do the honors?¡± Garth asked, motioning to the building.


    ¡°Hold Charlie.¡± She said, passing him the plant. The three of them wore simple silver bands around their wrists. Translators, they called them, their only function to allow communication between different languages. Without an Ethernet connection, nobody could use the simple bands to track them. Cassius had been sour about the whole thing, arguing that they should ditch all magical items made by other people entirely, but he¡¯d reluctantly agreed when Garth had threatened not to let him come.


    Garth held the plant under his arm and cocked his head to the side, watching Sandi¡¯s hips sway from side to side, thong peeking out from her low cut jeans as she entered the lobby of the building.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever get tired of that.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°You and me both.¡±


    The warehouse didn¡¯t have much in the way of security, just a front door that led to a lobby where members of the public could make claims, request records, and add information.


    Sandi was going in there to ask if the Warehouse had any records on humans from Earth. They were sending Sandi because people¡¯s brains tended to shut off around her, which was useful.


    A nerve wracking couple minutes later, Sandi came back out, waving her hands with a grin.


    ¡°We¡¯re in luck!¡± She said, bouncing on her toes, her breasts nearly popping out of her tank top. ¡°Everyone from our original teleportation is in this warehouse, including me and Itet. I told him I was looking for some friends, and he was really helpful!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure he was.¡± Wilson said. Cass stifled a cough.


    ¡°So what are you thinking?¡± Itet asked. ¡°fire again?¡±


    ¡°My first instinct is usually arson,¡± Garth said, inspecting the warehouse. ¡°But stone walls, and the scrolls protected by glass cases¡­I¡¯m not sure we could get it to spread very well.¡±


    ¡°True.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m thinking¡­shipping mistake?¡± Garth said. ¡°Big old bureaucracy like this¡­stuff gets mixed up all the time. He turned to Cass. ¡°Give me some money.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± the beggar flinched away from Garth¡¯s outstretched palm as though it were a poisonous snake.


    ¡°I can¡¯t access my bank account because of you.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Fine, but I¡¯m keeping a tab.¡± He said, five ten thousand credit coins manifesting on his palm. He handed the gold to Garth. ¡°And I charge interest.¡±


    ¡°Good, this should be enough to get what we need for the job as well as getting Cassius a bath and a new set of clothes.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± The wizard paled.


    ****


    ¡°Get off me you motherless curs!¡± Cassius shouted, thrashing wildly as Garth, Itet, and Sandi tried to force the skinny naked man into the tub. He was much stronger than he looked.


    They had taken Cassius to a bathouse in the center of town, owned and operated by three families of succubi. The main attraction was being bathed by naked women more beautiful than words can describe, but when Cassius had lashed out at one of them and given her a bloody lip, they¡¯d threatened to kick them all out if they couldn¡¯t keep Cass under control.


    Garth promising to bathe the man himself and a generous bribe kept them inside the walls of the bath house.


    ¡°You¡­could¡¯ve¡­been attended¡­¡± Garth grunted as he peeled Cass¡¯s fingers away from the copper tub. ¡°By beautiful naked women.¡± He peeled away another finger as Cassius babbled in fear. ¡°With sponges!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m losing my grip!¡± Sandi shouted, holding his kicking feet.


    ¡°Use your real body!¡±


    ¡°But he¡¯s so gross!¡±


    ¡°Just do it!¡±


    Sandi made a disgusted face and Garth saw her faint real hands as wide as Garth¡¯s chest clamp down around Cass¡¯s legs. His wildly flailing legs and flopping cock went still.


    ¡°You bastards are trying to kill me! I knew it!¡± Cass shouted at the top of his lungs.


    ¡°I¡¯ll die! You can¡¯t do this! I¡¯ll die! You¡¯re killing me!¡±


    Cass¡¯s last finger slipped off the edge of the tub.


    ¡°Now!¡±


    ¡°NO,NO!nonono!¡±


    Garth, Itet, and Sandi plunged Cass downward, pushing him into the soapy water. The beggar was submerged completely, going deathly still. They stood above the tub, panting with exertion as they held his arms and legs, but there was no more struggle to be had. He wasn¡¯t moving at all.


    ¡°Is he¡­¡± Sandi said.


    Wordlessly, the three of them backed away from the bathtub. Had he been telling the truth about a bath killing him? was it some kind of alien thing that made soap deathly poisonous to him or something? That couldn¡¯t be it, the doctor had said everyone was affected the same in this reality made of thought. Soap was a cleaning agent, and no more.


    ¡°Is he dead?¡± Itet asked. ¡°I did not believe him. It seemed like a lie. Clearly I have much to learn.¡±


    Garth bent over the tub and began fishing around for the back of the man¡¯s head. He should get his airways above the waterline. ¡°Before we go writing him off, we should check to see if he¡¯s actually dea-¡°


    Cass¡¯s limp arms began to flail, and he seized the edge of the tub with his good hand, rising out of the water with an ear piercing wail of terror.


    ¡°AAAAAIAIIIII!¡± Cass screamed, sitting up straight.


    Garth tensed, thinking the shaggy man was about to bolt, and he¡¯d have to tackle him and toss him back in the tub. Instead, Cass¡¯s face went red, and he began to shiver all across his body. His head shook wildly as if he was in the midst of an epileptic seizure.


    Cass¡¯s eyes rolled back in his head as his arms and legs began to thrash the water, sending splashes up and over the three of them. Blood appeared at his nose, then began to stream out of both nostrils at an alarming rate, mixing with the soapy water in the tub.


    ¡°We¡¯ve gotta get him outta there!¡± Garth shouted, trying to wrangle the man¡¯s wildly swinging arm. After a few seconds of desperate grasping, Garth finally got a hold of his arm and was about to pull him out when Cass went limp. Crap.


    With a grunt, Garth pulled the stick-thin man out of the tub and onto the tiled floor, the water and blood draining into grates beneath them.


    ¡°Cass, are you okay?¡± Garth bent over the man, Applying Heal to his head. Maybe he could help an aneurism. Maybe.


    Cass¡¯s eyes rolled in his sockets for a moment, half lidded, before they snapped open.


    He sat up, panting and shivering.


    ¡°Apparently some jackass thought it would be funny to put a construct in my head that gave me ablutophobia.¡±


    Cass got up and daintily stepped into the steaming bathwater, sliding down the edge of the tub and throwing his arms over his head with a sigh.


    ¡°Yeah, when you get as old and awesome as me, you start to carry around a lot of battle scars. Some stranger than others.¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re okay then?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yeah, I found the circuit making me afraid of bathing and broke it. It was really wedged in there good. Must have been a critical¡­Hey!¡±


    Garth, Itet and Sandi were already leaving. They had their own shit to take care of.


    Garth threw his arm over Sandi¡¯s shoulder as they went out the door, ignoring Cass¡¯s protests.


    ¡°How about I give you a thank-you sponge bath?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yes please,¡± Sandi said, wiping her hands on her pants with a shudder.


    Sounds like a win-win.


    ***


    ¡°Explain to me again, this Con-art.¡± Itet said.


    Garth groaned and rubbed his temple. He was explaining the plan to the three of them. Sandi and Itet were watching him intently, while Cass was playing with the wood grain of the table in front of him, making the grain pop out and turn into a tiny replica of the room they were in.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t I go again?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°Because they¡¯ve seen you before.¡± If the people running the place were at all observant, they¡¯d put two and two together when the exact same woman showed up. She could make her clothes change somewhat to disguise herself, but they would still be incredibly arousing.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you go?¡±


    ¡°Because humans have only been around for four months. There¡¯s no way this guy is gonna believe a human is deeply entrenched in the government. There aren¡¯t even any human citizens.


    ¡°Except your brother.¡± Itet corrected.


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t count. I don¡¯t know how the¡­¡± Garth clenched his fist, and the tiny Garth on the table clenched his fist. ¡°I don¡¯t know how he did that, but navigating the political scene was always more his shtick than mine. But we¡¯re getting off topic.¡±


    ¡°Itet, the reason why we¡¯re going to send you in is because you¡¯re perfect for the job.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± Sandi asked incredulously.


    ¡°Tzetin are famous for being totally honest. If we can coach Itet through this, the guy will buy anything she has to sell him.¡±


    ¡°Why would I be selling things to him?¡± Itet asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s an expression, but it does lead into what a con is, and what a con artist does.¡± Garth pointed to the table.


    ¡°Sandi, did you know this table is an antique made of a rare wood from the inner Spheres that¡¯s been logged nearly to extinction?¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Itet said, leaning forward. Cass rolled his eyes and pulled a jewlers lens out of his pocket and began scrawling on a sheet of vellum. Sandi looked a bit confused.


    ¡°Yep, the owner got it from an estate sale, he doesn¡¯t know¡­¡± Garth leaned forward and whispered. ¡°That it¡¯s worth millions.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s fascinating!¡±


    ¡°Yeah, and I convinced him to part with it for one of your swords!¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Oh, I get it.¡± Sandi said, crossing her arms with a frown.


    ¡°Wow! My sword¡¯s only worth two hundred credits!¡±


    ¡°I know, if we sell the table we can buy you as many swords as you want, just give me the sword and I¡¯ll go trade the owner for the table right now!¡±


    ¡°Okay!¡± Itet said, unsheathing one of her swords and handing it to Garth.


    ¡°And that, Itet, is a con, in its simplest form,¡± Garth said, resting the oversized blade on his shoulder.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I sold you that table, in exchange for your sword. You just got conned¡±


    ¡°But that¡¯s the owner¡¯s table.¡±


    ¡°The word con comes from confidence. I acted like I was sure the table was worth a lot of money. I acted confident. Then, I sold you the idea that you could make a lot of money, if you just hand me something of yours first.¡±


    ¡°The table isn¡¯t an antique made of rare wood?¡±


    ¡°No, sorry.¡±


    ¡°So why take my sword for it?¡± she asked.


    Garth groaned and massaged his temple again. This was more work than he¡¯d thought.


    ¡°Listen you¡¯ve got to extrapolate and learn the technique. Lie and convince your mark they¡¯ve got a lot to gain in exchange for something of theirs, then when they give it to you, you leave and never come back. That¡¯s a con.¡±


    Itet¡¯s antennae twitched in deep thought as she stared at the table.


    ¡°So¡­I tell him his desk is made of rare wood and trade it for the Scrolls?¡±


    ¡°I appreciate your efforts to improve, but I¡¯ve got a new plan.¡± Garth said, standing. ¡°We¡¯ll put a wire on you and coach you through it on site.¡±


    ***


    Guntar was tallying the numbers when a ringing came from the front desk for the second time this week. Another person interrupting his work. Jines waved dismissively, expecting his subordinate to take care of it. Guntar would probably have to work late again because of this.


    It had been no trouble for the beautiful orc woman who had obviously been in heat, though. She had been swollen in all the right places, eager for any male to come and claim her. If Guntar had an ounce less self control, he would have asked for her to come into the back where they could be alone.


    Alas, he was at work, and already had one gravid female to deal with, so his professionalism had won out. He hoped it was her again, but he knew chances were he¡¯d never see the woman again.


    Guntar stepped out into the lobby and squinted against the light streaming in through the front windows. It was much brighter out here than his little cubicle where he endlessly stamped out the names of the dead.


    ¡°Good morning,¡± A Tzetin said. She was dressed in the uniform of a government official, standing perfectly still in front of the desk, antennae twitching wildly.


    ¡°Do you have some business with records?¡± he asked.


    ***


    ¡°Oh, man, she¡¯s freaking out.¡± Garth said, watching her madly twitching antennae with the Floating Eye spell.

 Chapter 53: The Heist

    ¡°Okay, from now on, only repeat everything I say.¡± Garth said, watching Itet¡¯s antennae make the Panic/Fear gestures madly as his spell carried his voice to her ears.


    ¡°Okay.¡± She said.


    ¡°Okay, what?¡± The clerk behind the counter asked.


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s get started,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Okay. let¡¯s¡­get started?¡±


    Garth clenched his fist and swallowed back a correction. The last thing he needed now was for her to repeat his instructions to the clerk behind the desk.


    ¡°I have a list of names that were misfiled at this facility.¡±


    ¡°I have a list of names that were misfiled at this facility.¡± Itet repeated, better than last time. She was starting to match his cadence.


    ¡°The First Earth company of Beladia. They are being sent to Ubranto on the 2548th layer, and they want their records closer at hand.¡±


    Itet repeated him.


    ¡°Where¡¯s the order?¡± The Orc clerk said, his eyes narrowing.


    ¡°Oh, here.¡± Itet took the forged document out of her purse and practically threw it at the Orc in front of her, who flinched at the sudden movement. By god, this girl is a terrible actor.


    The only thing that seemed to be saving them was that very few people learned to read Tzetin body language, and they were generally considered to be completely without duplicity.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never seen this general¡¯s signature before.¡± The orc said, scanning the document. ¡°Do you mind if I show this to my supervisor?¡±


    Shiit!


    ¡°No problem.¡± Garth said. He couldn¡¯t freak out now, or he¡¯d freak out Itet, and if that happened, she¡¯d most likely start stabbing things.


    Wait, this could be good! Garth wordlessly motioned for Sandi and Cass to follow him. They began walking around the side of the building as casually as possible. Behind the building was a patch of grass growing in the packed dirt, spread around the employee entrance to the records.


    Cass grabbed a stalk and started chewing on it as they stood outside the entrance, thumb tucked into the waistband of his new pants. With his shave and haircut, he looked every bit the weathered farmer.


    Garth closed his eyes to focus on the Floating Eye in the lobby. A few seconds later, both of the record keepers came out into the lobby.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Miss¡­¡±


    ¡°Tzetin.¡± Itet barked.


    ¡°Your name is Tzetin?¡±


    ¡°No. My name is¡­¡±


    ¡°Titiz.¡± Garth said as he knelt down to look at the lock on the door. He couldn¡¯t see any mana, but when he put his hand on the door, he could feel a pulse flowing through it. Garth closed his eyes and did the memory separation trick, viewing the squiggly mana creeping through the door like sap through a tree.


    In his memory, the mana was condensed around the lock in an interweaving pattern, designed to sound an alarm if the improper key was used, and only that.


    ¡°Don¡¯t fuck with me!¡± Itet shouted, startling Garth and the clerks.


    Seems like he¡¯d have to be ready to bolt. Garth was preparing to bail, when Itet started improvising.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have to give you a name! I came here under the orders of General Kinerath to move these soldiers to Ubranto, That is all you should be concerned with!¡± through the Floating Eye, Garth made out their discomfort. Not bad. Not bad at all, Itet.


    ¡°You know what my favorite lockpicking spell in D&D is?¡± Garth asked, disconnecting from Itet and glancing at the two behind him.


    ¡°Shrink,¡± Cass supplied, and Garth stared at him for a moment before shaking his head and getting back to work.


    How does he even know what D&D is, for Beladia¡¯s sake? There were still too many mysteries about Cass, but his info about the warehouse was good enough to let him stay. Hopefully he wasn¡¯t a spy.


    ¡°You suck,¡± Garth whispered, wrapping mana around the lock area and creating a semi-permeable membrane that allowed Mass and Space mana to flow out, before forcibly creating a mana vacuum outside of it. Basically, Shrink worked on the principle of osmosis to draw size and weight out of an object.


    Garth¡¯s proficiency wasn¡¯t great, but even a little shrinking was plenty to pull the deadbolt out of its home.


    ¡°And we¡¯re in.¡± Garth whispered, pulling the door open. Garth unlocked the deadbolt from the inside, and the three of them crept into the warehouse.


    ***


    ¡°I¡¯m telling you, I don¡¯t know who this Kinerath general is, but he¡¯s going to need to come here personally with the appropriate paperwork. The irritated corio in front of her said, pointing to the requisition order in his hand.


    Everything was falling apart. Itet felt like she were standing at the end of a long tunnel, watching her body move as though it were a puppet, and she the puppeteer.


    ¡°Do you think he¡¯s got time to drop everything he¡¯s doing and kowtow to some fat bureaucratic slime? There¡¯s a war going on! He¡¯s out there is the thick of things, and he needs all the men he can get. Just recently there was a letter from a colleague on Jindar about a group with a one hundred percent survival rate, the ones who managed to kill a mutated feeder.¡±


    ¡°I hadn¡¯t heard about that. If you couldn¡¯t tell, we don¡¯t exactly live on Jindar.¡± The clerk said sarcastically.


    So these men didn¡¯t know about current events on any planet except their own, that made things easier. Just make a game of it, just like playing pretend.


    ¡°General Kinerath is recruiting survivors, the best of the best for his push to retake the Hulian Peninsula. These soldiers would be a welcome addition.¡±


    ¡°Ah, I get it.¡± The corio said with a sly grin as the younger orc watched him nervously.


    ¡°Your general wants some disposables to sweep under the rug and make him look him look like a tactical genius.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what you mean by that.¡± Itet said. It was true. She really didn¡¯t. When the hypothetical general added the extra troops to his own, he would simply have more troops, would he not? Why would anyone think he was a tactical genius?


    A sudden bolt of inspiration hit her. It was like a part of herself, so long withered and dead, had reawakened, coming back to life.


    If the troops never officially existed, it would seem the general had done their workload with only the troops at his disposal, increasing the appearance of competence. Afterward, to keep the secret, the extra soldiers would have to be¡­disposed of. That¡¯s so wrong!


    Itet wanted to flinch away from the idea, to dismiss it and force it from her mind and never think of it again, but this was what her queen had commanded her to master, so that she could protect the Hive from it. So she would learn this Con-art, and this Scum-baggery, if only to defend her people. Itet had faith in the wisdom of her Queen.


    ¡°Of course you don¡¯t know what I mean,¡± the corio scoffed, then gave her an appraising look.


    ¡°Did this Kinerath fellow send you with money?¡± he asked, raising a brow.


    Greed. Exploit. Sell. Confidence. Trust.


    The essence of a con that Garth had laid out flashed in her mind, and Itet began forming a plan to be entirely dishonest.


    ¡°Yes, but I¡¯m not sure why,¡± Itet said, revealing the ten thousand credit coin in her pocket. The corio motioned for his assistant to leave. The young orc reluctantly went back into the warehouse.


    There was a bit of noise as the orc tripped over something, drawing their attention, but a moment later the corio glanced back at her.


    ¡°It¡¯s meant for me, give it here,¡± he said, his palm outstretched.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Itet put the coin in his hand, and the smiling corio pocketed the cash.


    ¡°Tell your general he¡¯ll have his troops when I get around to it.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I guess you didn¡¯t want the job then.¡± Itet muttered to herself as she turned away.


    ¡°Job, what job?¡±


    ¡°Oh, silly me, I forgot.¡± Itet said, turning back to them. ¡°The Hulian peninsula has six outposts that need governors. He said he wants to install governors that owe him favors, whatever that means. He told me to offer a governorship and the money, and to let you decide, but it seems like you¡¯ve already made a choice, so I¡¯ll be going.¡±


    ¡°Wait!¡± the corio shouted, motioning for Itet to return. ¡°I didn¡¯t know there was a choice here. What kind of outposts are available?¡±


    ¡°Well, they were torn down by a Dungeon Surge, and a horde of kipling led by a demon. There¡¯s not much there but rubble.¡±


    The corio¡¯s face turned sour. Itet was starting to be able to read non-Tzetin expressions.


    ¡°Nevermind, you can go.¡± He waved her away.


    ¡°There was a surprising amount of Mythril used in their construction, though. It¡¯s remarkable the kipling were able to tear them down. Honestly it was everything except for the mythril struts.¡± Itet rambled on, feeling incredibly uncomfortable, her blood-pump humming as she set the hook.


    ¡°Mythril?¡± The corio whispered.


    ¡°Oh yes, the six outposts were smack in the center of a rash of mutated dungeons. Rare metals grow naturally by the megaton in that peninsula.¡±


    ¡°How many people has your general approached with this?¡±


    ¡°A few dozen, at least. He says he¡¯ll give the governorships to the people that can, and I quote, ¡®get the lead out of their bureaucratic asses¡¯.¡±


    The corio¡¯s eyes widened. He practically flung the coin back at her, snatched up the list of names and ran back into the warehouse.


    As soon as the corio was out of sight, Itet dashed outside and began ejecting her breakfast onto the street, the goop streaming out between her mandibles. She felt as if she¡¯d been poisoned.


    This was in no way natural for a Tzetin.


    ***


    ¡°Sandi, keep an eye out for the record keepers.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°What should I do if they come back?¡±


    ¡°Hide your Lure and stall them somehow.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Sandi gave him a little salute and crept off toward the lobby while Garth began checking the aisles for their scrolls. Row after row of red dots studded with the occasional blackened scroll passed across Garth¡¯s gaze, and he realized he had no idea what the organizational structure of the massive warehouse was. His Company was a drop in the bucket compared to the twenty foot shelves filled to the brim with clear glass cases.


    ¡°Damn,¡± Garth said, using telekinesis to float a dozen random cases his direction. Maybe if he could establish a pattern, he could figure out what kind of sorting system they were using to store their information. It sure as hell wasn¡¯t alphabetically or using the Dewey Decimal System.


    None of the scrolls he¡¯d selected were even human, and Garth sent them all back to their shelves with a wave of his hand. He started walking down the aisle, using Telekinesis to inspect and return scrolls at a staggering rate, but none of them were people he was looking for.


    At the speed he was going, he could finish the entire warehouse in maybe fifteen minutes, but Garth didn¡¯t think Itet could buy that much time.


    As he came to the end of the aisle of shelves, Garth walked into a massive common room with piles of scrolls stacked on carts in front of an enormous platform that was honeycombed with holes just big enough for the scroll cases to fit.


    ¡°Guess what that is.¡± Cass said, chewing on his grass, following behind Garth and not bothering to help at all.


    ¡°The involuntary teleporting machine.¡± Garth said, eyeing the group of scrolls inserted in it, and the dials indicating multidimensional coordinates.


    ¡°It¡¯s called a Deployer.¡±


    Garth took a moment to think. In order to send troops to a specific location at a specific time would have to require a certain amount of legwork work on the front end.


    ¡°We¡¯re being deployed tomorrow. You think they¡¯ve got our scrolls staged and ready to go already?¡±


    Cass shrugged.


    Worth a shot, Garth thought, heading toward the piles of scrolls beside the machine.


    It only took a minute to locate the First Company of Beladia, all hundred and twenty eight of their red scrolls sitting in a specially designed cart three places distant from the teleporter.


    I could send everyone to Earth right now! Garth realized. All he would have to do is set the coordinates, which didn¡¯t look too complicated, and direct mail every single person in his Company to Earth outpost 3502. From what Garth knew about teleportation safeguards, there was no risk of anyone landing in the middle of a wall or another person.


    Garth took a moment to stop and appreciate how far he¡¯d come with telekinesis as he removed the previous shipment from the machine a dozen at a time, clearing it for use in a matter of seconds.


    ¡°And¡­everyone but the three of us¡­¡± Garth said as he filled a tiny corner of the machine with one hundred and twenty-five people, reserving his, Itet¡¯s and sandi¡¯s scrolls. Garth couldn¡¯t mail himself, because then there¡¯d be no one here to steal the scrolls, and tomorrow they¡¯d all wind up getting sucked off Earth again.


    Hopefully no one left behind anything too important from the sudden teleportation, but he was pretty sure they would be too excited being on Earth to care. It was midmorning, Jindar time, so everyone should be dressed.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, looking over the machine¡¯s coordinate system. It was a more precise version of the portable Gate he¡¯d stolen from Kine.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see, 2860th layer. Earth. Outpost 3502. Dum de dum¡­¡± Garth hummed as he dialed in the coordinates. About a quarter mile outside the outpost should put them well within visual sight, and in a matter of hours, they¡¯ll hook up with Clark and their families. Excellent.


    Garth was putting the finishing touches on the destination when he heard an awkward grunt as Sandi tripped someone a couple aisles over, near the lobby entrance.


    Shit, I¡¯m almost done, but if we¡¯re caught this is gonna be a clusterfuck! Garth wove a thin tunnel of air that sought out and connected to Sandi¡¯s head.


    ¡°What happened?¡± he whispered.


    ¡°Garth, I tripped the younger clerk, what should I do?¡± Sandi whispered back


    ¡°Distract him for a minute, I¡¯m almost done.¡± Garth said, dialing in the last coordinate and taking a moment to double check every setting. It never hurt to not send people into a vacuum.


    Hemisphere? He thought, seeing the first, most general category represented by two mirrored symbols that he¡¯d overlooked, Garth flipped it up and down, but the coordinates were valid for both locations.


    Are there two Earths? Garth didn¡¯t have time to overthink it, he set the Hemisphere to its original location and punched the send button. A quiet rush of energy tingling against his skin was the only indication the machine was working.


    ¡°Sandi? Is that you?¡± Garth was partway through restacking the human¡¯s scrolls when he heard the confused orc¡¯s voice. He resisted the urge to smack his forehead and kept busily stacking scroll cases. I can¡¯t believe she gave him her real name!

 Chapter 54: Homecoming

    ¡°Sandi? Is that you?¡± The young orc said. He seemed rather skinny compared to others of his race, and Sandi couldn¡¯t help but think he¡¯d be a poor, bony meal. She wasn¡¯t hungry anyway, Garth had treated her to a Jindari mega-grub the day before.


    It was rather squishy, but the meat had an interesting texture that- Sandi shook off her wandering thoughts and refocused


    What was his name again? Guldar?


    ¡°Oh, Guldar, I just had to see you again.¡± Sandi said, her Lure forcibly dragging Guldar away from the center of the warehouse where he might spot Garth.


    ¡°My name¡¯s Guntar, Sandi.¡± The orc said, bemused at suddenly being dragged into a dark corner of the warehouse by a perfect specimen of orc femininity. Sandi knew from experience that her Lure looked like it was in heat, so this particular orc would be hard pressed to turn her down.


    ¡°Guntar, I just knew when I saw you that you were the one.¡±


    Sandi threw her Lure into the orc¡¯s arms, plastering him with kisses. She¡¯d never dated an orc before, but they seemed easy enough. There were a few species out there that her lure didn¡¯t work on so well, but orcs were definitely not on that list.


    Now Sandi, you have to always remember the effect you have on men, and the effect they have on you. Your Lure was made to be irresistible, and if you get addicted to using it to influence them, bad things can happen. You don¡¯t want to end up like your sister, do you? Her mother¡¯s words echoed faintly in her mind.


    Sandi watched from above as the orc gasped for breath, smothered under her Lure¡¯s cleavage. The orc¡¯s sudden spike in arousal sent pleasurable tingles up her spine and made her drool. She had eaten yesterday, but she was strangely hungry again already. Maybe no one would miss- No! Sandi cut off that train of thought with a white hot knife.


    The orc panting in her Lure¡¯s embrace was not an animal, nor was he a threat, so eating him was wrong. Maybe she could knock him out? Sandi wasn¡¯t confident in her ability to hold back and hit the orc just hard enough to knock him unconscious. She had to find a way to keep him busy long enough for Garth to finish in the main hall.


    And she wasn¡¯t going to do that.


    Sandi¡¯s concerns proved pointless when the orc suddenly pushed her face away from his, pausing to catch his breath.


    ¡°I can¡¯t. I¡¯ve got a gravid female at home who needs my support. I don¡¯t know what you see in me, but I can¡¯t¡­I can¡¯t do that to her.¡±


    Aww¡­Sandi thought, bumping her impression of Guntar up a few steps.


    ¡°Well, for being such a gentleman¡­¡± Sandi gave him a hug and a gentle peck on the cheek.


    ¡°Would you show me out?¡± Sandi asked. It should take him a couple minutes to see her off. Should be plenty of time for Garth and Cass to sneak around.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry to shame you this way.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll live.¡± She responded as he guided her toward the rear exit. It might be embarrassing for an orc woman to be turned down, but Sandi was simply relieved she didn¡¯t have to get creative in order to distract him.


    If she remembered correctly this aisle was a straight shot to the back and wouldn¡¯t let Guntar see what Garth was doing. Just to be safe, she walked on his right side, and made her neckline just a bit lower.


    As it turned out, there was a small gap that allowed a glimpse all the way to the middle of the warehouse where Garth was desperately stacking scrolls on a cart while replacing others into an odd machine, but Guntar was too busy consoling her to notice.


    At the exit, Guntar apologized profusely for not breeding with her, giving Sandi a fair amount of amusement as she looked down at him bowing to her Lure. She could probably fit the whole orc in her mouth, he was so skinny. Not much more than a snack¡­


    Why am I thinking about food again? Sandi thought, her Lure¡¯s brows furrowing. Guntar took it as her being upset, so he doubled down on the apologies.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, any other time and I would have claimed you in a heartbeat, but my wife, she¡¯s eating enough for three, and my income isn¡¯t that great and...¡± The orc ran out of excuses. ¡°And I love her above all others.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re cute for an orc. Of course I¡¯m not mad, women do eat a lot when they¡¯re pregnant. My mother would eat a whole Banta every¡­¡± Sandi¡¯s words trailed off, and her jaw dropped as the words she spoke started to sink in like icy claws in her stomach. She was very hungry, recently.


    Sandi sucked in a steadying breath. It was just one time, and it had felt so good to surreptitiously put her real body¡¯s entrance in the same place as her lure. Well, maybe it was more than one time. Garth knew she was doing it, right? He said he could see her. Barely.


    Sandi¡¯s breathing started to speed up as the armored plates of cartilage under her skin began to stiffen reflexively. I¡¯ve got to talk to Mom and Dad.


    ¡®make sure you never let a boy you don¡¯t love climax inside your real body. It¡¯s very important.¡¯ In retrospect, Sandi should have asked why, but she was never a very inquisitive person.


    Am I going to be a mommy? Sandi thought, hyperventilating as her Lure grasped it¡¯s own head.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± Sandi said, putting her arms down and standing straight like a soldier in formation, trying to control her breathing.


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m sorry again, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll find a strong male who will breed you.¡± He still thinks he¡¯s talking to a six and a half foot three-hundred-pound orc woman in heat.


    ¡°Hahahah.¡± Sandi laughed nervously. That might already be taken care of. Why the hell didn¡¯t you tell me it was because I could get knocked up, Mom!?


    ¡°Guntar, where are you you lazy tusker? We¡¯ve got to get this list together right now! come help me look!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve got to go, Jines doesn¡¯t know where anything is because he never actually does any work in here.¡± Guntar rolled his eye as he closed the door.


    ¡°Byyyee.¡± Sandi said halfheartedly as the door closed. Once Guntar was fully gone, she began sprinting toward the post office, knocking over the occasional pedestrian with the blunt edge of her long, scythelike legs


    Mom will know what to do!


    ***


    ¡°Guntar, where are you you lazy tusker? We¡¯ve got to get this list together right now! come help me look!¡±


    Garth was beginning to haul the cart of scrolls away from it¡¯s position in the line when a man¡¯s voice echoed through the warehouse from in front of him, where the lobby¡¯s entrance was.


    ¡°Coming!¡± came the young orc¡¯s voice from behind him on the opposite side of the warehouse. He was flanked.


    Crap! Garth thought, dragging the cart he¡¯d just finished reloading back to its spot and springing to the side of the Deployer, dragging Cass by his collar up against the side of the machine.


    The two of them were spooning like lovers, tucked tight against the cold steel of the Deployer when Garth put up the illusion of a person-less spot of floor over top of them. There was plenty of space around the Deployer, so they shouldn¡¯t get stepped on. Probably.


    Did he say he needed to get the list together? Did Itet actually pull it off, or is he gathering them to report for trying to run away, or is it something else entirely?


    Garth waited, keeping his breathing quiet as two sets of footsteps converged in the center of the warehouse, just around the corner, in the front of the machine. Garth didn¡¯t dare move to get a better look.


    ¡°Guntar, find the people on this list as quickly as you can, it¡¯s important.¡± A voice said, presumably the corio boss.¡±


    ¡°I thought you had to have a general sign in person along with a badge of office to allow an unscheduled transfer.¡± The orc said. ¡°This is just a list, with a signature.¡±


    Garth closed his eyes and summoned the Floating Eye, a little invisible sensory organ that was great for spying on¡­anyone, really. His proficiency was low, so the spell couldn¡¯t make anything better than a human eye and it couldn¡¯t get much more than twenty feet away from him, but it was great for peering around corners.


    ¡°Guntar my boy,¡± The corio said, clapping Guntar on the shoulder. ¡°you¡¯re going to learn that not everything is black and white in the world, and that if you don¡¯t find those scrolls right now, you¡¯re going to feel the full brunt of my ire, understood?¡±


    ¡°Got it¡­¡± Guntar said, scrolling down the list. ¡°Ah, they¡¯re right there.¡± He pointed at the cart. ¡°They¡¯re scheduled to be deployed at three P.M. tomorrow afternoon.¡±


    ¡°Balls to that.¡± Jine said, grabbing the cart. ¡°We got lucky. You¡¯re sure they¡¯re all here?¡±


    Guntar gave the cart a quick glance. ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°Brilliant, I¡¯ll be in the top six for sure.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Shaddap.¡± Jines said, pushing the cart away, followed closely by his orc assistant.


    Once they were out of sight, Garth let out a long exhale before sending the floating eye to follow them to the lobby.


    Sure enough, Itet was walking back into the lobby, wiping her mandibles with her uniformed sleeve. She seemed shaky and her antennae drooped in a way that spelled Bad/Wrong but the corio didn¡¯t seem to notice.


    ¡°Here you go, miss. Tell your general that I was happy to take his offer, and even threw a few extras in. You¡¯ll tell him that, won¡¯t you?¡± Jines said, pushing the cart her direction.


    ¡°Time to go.¡± Garth whispered to Cass, who was working his way down the fibrous grass¡¯s stalk.


    ¡°Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?¡± the skinny man giggled.


    Garth dragged him to his feet and the two of them made a beeline for the rear exit.


    ¡°Sandi?¡± Garth whispered. ¡°Are you still in here?¡± he swept the floating eye around above the aisles, but he didn¡¯t see anything until they made it outside.


    What he saw there was another pair of Sandi tracks in the dirt, leading back to the street. Where the hell did she go? Garth thought as he gently let the door close, trying to keep it as quiet as possible.


    Garth walked back around to the front of the building in time to see Itet walk out pushing four large crates on a disposable wooden cart. Itet stopped to wave at them, showing anyone paying attention that they were in cahoots. Garth shook his head. How did a girl that na?ve pull it off?


    ¡°Have you seen Sandi? Is she with you?¡± Garth asked as they joined up, heading for the Gate they¡¯d left in an abandoned warehouse.


    ¡°No, I haven¡¯t. Did she not leave with you?¡± Itet said.


    ¡°Her tracks go back out into the street, but the paving makes it impossible to tell which direction she went. Hopefully she went back to the Gate.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± he said, casting a glance around to make sure nobody was following them.


    When they arrived at the worn down wooden building, Garth breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Sandi was standing next to a glowing portal floating in the center of the building.


    ¡°Ready to go back to Earth?¡± Garth said, kneeling by the frame of the Gate and deactivating it. The gate spawned a duplicate frame wherever it summoned the gate, which could then be deactivated, making the original cease to exist. It was weird tech.


    All Garth had to do was dial in Earth outpost 3502 and they would be home free.


    He paused when he noticed Sandi standing especially close, practically brushing against his shoulder. She looked like she was angling for a hug.


    ¡°Something up?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell you later,¡± she said, smooshing herself up against him.


    ¡°Okie dokie,¡± He said, put Sandi¡¯s clinginess out mind and finished entering the coordinates. ¡°Here we go.¡±

 Chapter 55: Give me a Hand

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe it,¡± Garth said, scratching his scalp. ¡°I¡¯m gonna be a dad, and my kids are gonna be man-eating monsters.¡± He took a deep steadying breath. Everything¡¯s fine, you¡¯ve got almost a year to prepare.


    Cassius grunted, eyes on the Mythic core he was carving. They were in a room carved out of a towering sequoia, lit by a magic lamp and lined with ornate tools of every shape and size. Garth didn¡¯t know where they came from, so he assumed Cass brought them with him¡­somehow.


    Cassius occasionally glanced back to the intricate pattern on the vellum underneath his work, then back to the core. In his hand was a little pen with intricate scrollwork in gold-tinted orichalcum. The squiggly lines crawled up the pen and congregated at the tip. Whenever he brought the pen down on a spot, a half-second later, a small line of the Mythic core would disappear, erased from existence.


    ¡°fuck,¡± Cass muttered, flipping the pen over and undoing his work, bringing some of the core back into existence before flipping the pen again and retracing his lines more precisely.


    ¡°And I¡¯m not just gonna have one kid either, Sandi¡¯s race has litters. I¡¯m talking between three and twelve kids like that,¡± Garth snapped his fingers for emphasis. ¡°Bam. Although she tells me the first litter is usually on the smaller side, so three to five kids.¡±


    Cass stiffened, set the pen down and glared at Garth ¡°Did you want to actually learn how to enchant things or are you going to keep yammering on about kids? Because if you are, you can get the hell out.¡±


    Garth shut his mouth. Maybe I¡¯ve been a little more excited about it than other people. He¡¯d gotten the same cold shoulder from Clark after the first few hours of the old man politely humoring him.


    ¡°I wanna learn.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± Cass said. ¡°Now, this.¡± He opened up his desk and took out a tiny clear gem that looked like a cut diamond. ¡°This is an aether crystal, aether condensed into physical form. It¡¯s the second most important part after the core. Some would argue more important, but they¡¯re stupid.¡±


    Garth looked at the Aether closely, and noticed, that the mana around the gemstone was very thin, the squiggles seemed to be pushed away from the clear stone. Wherever it moved, mana ceased to exist. It almost looked like the lensing effect of a black hole.


    ¡°Now some theory.¡± Cass said, pulling a core the size of a softball that had been cut into a pyramid shape out of his desk and setting it down.


    The beige pyramid had been polished smooth and squiggles had been carved all the way up its length, its very tip had been removed and a small hole carved in the top.


    ¡°The points closest to the center of mass for this core are as follows,¡± Cass said, uncapping a grease pen and marking the pyramid.


    ¡°Here,¡± he said, making a dot on the center of the flat bottom.


    ¡°And here,¡± He said, drawing a black line around the bottom third of the pyramid.


    ¡°Now.¡± Cassius recapped his pen and picked up the pyramid. ¡°Cores attract mana.¡± He picked up the Aether crystal. ¡°Aether repels it. Put them together¡­¡±


    Cass delicately placed the gemstone in the depression at the top of the pyramid, and the squiggles on the side of the pyramid flared with light. That¡¯s what looked familiar, light mana!


    ¡°What¡¯s happening here is the pyramid-shaped core attracts mana that wants to condense around its center of mass. Of course space is an issue, so eventually, mana gets crowded out, pushed up to the top of the pyramid, where it gets shot out into the atmosphere again by the Aether, creating free space for more mana to move up the pyramid.¡±


    ¡°Making a current.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Exactly. The current of mana nestles into these little carvings here, and flowing in a specific pattern at high concentrations will make mana do work. In this case, creating light.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a pattern for everything,¡± he said, turning the pyramid over and dropping the Aether crystal out of it. ¡°Every effect you see with your mana sight can be recreated, modified, and harnessed. There¡¯s an enchantment for every spell, and even more besides.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s really cool,¡± Garth said, looking at the pyramid. ¡°But I have a question.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Were you just carrying a teaching aid around this whole time, or did you go out and get one for my benefit?¡±


    ¡°Bah, shut up and dick with your Status band. I¡¯ll let you know when I need another pair of hands.¡± Cass spun the core on the stand, tightened it down again, moved his magnifying glass closer and picked up the pen again, getting back to work. He made a gesture to the antique record player in the corner of the shop with his stump and a beam of tightly controlled mana put the needle down and flipped the switch.


    Inside the machine, the tiny aether crystal on a pin plunged down into the core shard, and the machine flared to life, giving off a steady glow as the squeal of hair band rock metal began to pour out of the business end of the sonophone.


    Cass began grunting and tapping his foot in time to the music as he went back to carving the core¡¯s enchantment.


    ¡°How do you know so much about human culture?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°I am human. Sort of.¡±


    ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°Every time a new reality is added to the Spheres, I drill a tiny hole through space-time and implant my soul in a handful of unborn children from each life-bearing planet. keeps me entertained. I¡¯ve been human five times, to be exact. This particular body was the last one.¡±


    Cass blew a bit of imaginary dust away and peered closely at his work, searching for any imperfections.


    ¡°My memories came back when the realities merged, I went and met myself in a Nebraska cornfield, shook hands, and then buried my corpse when my soul left my body to go back in time.¡±


    Garth took a moment to digest that.


    ¡°That seems like a lot of effort just to study foreign cultures.¡±


    ¡°Shaddap. You don¡¯t need to know why I do what I do.¡±


    Garth shrugged and sat down at another desk, pulling a lamp over his newly acquired magic boosting status bands, the Black Gold edition. There were three leather bands that had been carefully peeled apart to reveal complex Aether, core shard, and orichalcum circuitry. That was the only way to describe it. The cores cut flat, looked like the board, the channels seemed to be the wiring, and the Aether crystals looked like chips.


    Garth now knew from Cass¡¯s explanation that the wiring was doing the actual thinking, and the motherboard/Chips were actually the power source. It messed with his head a little, but Garth could get it figured out.


    It would be much easier to copy a design that already existed than to try and come up with one from scratch, which was why he had the Black gold bands in front of him. He bought three because he fully expected to destroy a few in the process of studying them.


    ¡°What are these little orichalcum studs?¡± Garth asked, pointing at different studs of the metal between different channels. There were also shards of purified Heartstone that seemed to be placed along different channels for some inscrutable reason, and completely different materials placed throughout the high-tech magic device.


    ¡°Ugh,¡± Cass groaned and set the Mythic core down and started pointing out each individual piece, naming it and telling Garth how it worked.


    He did it quickly and without repeating himself, because they both knew he could review Cass¡¯s explanation in his mind.


    When Garth finally got a handle on it, he started pulling apart one of the Status bands and frankensteining it together with another one. In this case, he was trying to add a second, secret inventory to the band, while finding and scrambling the thing¡¯s ability to divulge his location, turning it into a Smuggler¡¯s Band, essentially. Let¡¯s not get too crazy right away. Artifacts of limitless power can wait.


    Garth wasn¡¯t able to figure out how to scramble his location right away, but he successfully transplanted and integrated the storage from another band. By dual layering the new inventory seamlessly atop the other. He couldn¡¯t figure out a way to scramble his location right away, but he made it so that if anything pinged the Status band for his location, it would fall right off, preventing him from being forcibly summoned.


    ¡°Whaddya think?¡± Garth said, holding up the band after working on it for three hours.


    ¡°It¡¯s shit.¡± Cass said with one glance. ¡°I¡¯m done, get over here.¡±


    ¡°Shit?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yeah, try accessing your bank account.¡±


    Garth mentally tried to withdraw some cash when an electric pulse traveled up his arm, seizing all his muscles with tear-inducing pain.


    ¡°Gah!¡± Garth shouted wordlessly as he toppled to the ground.


    Warning, you are using an unlawful modification on your Status Band. remain where you are. Law enforcement is on the-


    The modified Black Gold: Asshole Edition fell off Garth¡¯s twitching arm.


    ¡°Well, at least you had a little forethought.¡± Cass said, chuckling as Garth shivered on the floor. ¡°Anyway, stop playing around and give me a hand here.¡±


    ¡°That¡­sucked.¡± Garth said, yanking his hand out of the band and climbing to his feet, glaring down at the offending object.


    ¡°Welcome to the Spheres.¡± Cass said cheerfully. ¡°Sure everything¡¯s hunky-dory while you¡¯re playing on their field, by their rules, but take one step outside that womb of ignorance, and you¡¯ll see some shit. Now you know why I make my own stuff. Now get your ass over here.¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± Garth said, walking over to Cass¡¯s workbench, where the wizard had locked his truncated arm in a vice at the elbow, opposite his creation that looked a bit like the Death Star, similarly clamped in place. There was a razor sharp mithril hatchet with a wide business end, and a thin plate of some obsidian substance separating the man¡¯s stump from the Mythic Core.


    ¡°Okay, what I need you to do is, and by Kolath don¡¯t do it yet, listen to everything I have to say first. I need you to take that hatchet, remove the divider between my arm and the core, wait for the curse to pool at the end of my arm, then cut it off. You have to make sure you get every piece of it.¡±


    ¡°Will I be able to see it?¡± Garth asked, hefting the hatchet.


    ¡°Should be.¡±


    ¡°Works for me.¡± Garth lifted the black panel separating the man¡¯s stump and the core.


    ¡°AAAGH!¡± Something began to writhe under Cassius¡¯s skin, tendrils of black mana that bulged the skin with physical presence. They slowly began to withdraw as the old man screamed, drawn down his arm even as they fought to maintain purchase. As the curse got more and more dense, it moved slower and was more visually obvious, Garth watched the longest tendril¡¯s grip slip from the man¡¯s shoulder, working down to his elbow.


    The stump took on a black hue as the Mythic core sucked the black mana right to the very edge of Cassius¡¯s body, pooling beneath his skin. A moment later, the biggest tendril slipped off the man¡¯s elbow and was drawn down to the stump, creating a solid line of black where the curse inhabited. Garth waited a few seconds to be sure nothing else was coming down the pipe, then he aimed a good four inches behind the black line on Cass¡¯s forearm, bringing the shimmering blade down with gusto.


    I bet a meat cleaver might have worked just as well. Garth thought as the blade sheared through flesh and bone, burying itself in the table as he cut an extra foot off Cass¡¯s arm, just below the elbow.


    The removed portion of arm clung to the mythic core for a moment, before an explosion of black mana tendrils shot violently out of the arm, writhing like living things. Garth flinched backward, summoning a shield reflexively.


    The tendrils lashed the air for a few breathless moments before they were drawn inevitably into the core, slowly dying the gold pitch black. Garth relaxed when it didn¡¯t seem like anything else was going to jump out at him.


    ¡°A little warning?¡± Garth asked, glancing over at Cass. The man was already admiring his new hand, having restored it in a fraction of a second.


    ¡°You did fine.¡± Cass glanced at the shiny black core on the table. ¡°I probably don¡¯t need to tell you, but don¡¯t touch the core, not even with mana you¡¯re connected to. Listen closely, ¡®cuz I¡¯m about to get real technical.¡± He paused and caught Garth¡¯s gaze.


    ¡°That thing¡¯s cursed as hell.¡±


    ¡°Got it,¡± Garth said, rolling his eyes as he went back to his desk to go over the status band and figure out where the tampering protection was hardwired into the circuitry.


    In the meantime, Cass picked up the blackened sphere by the clamp and tossed the whole thing, clamp and all, into a black portal, before shutting it with the urgency of someone who didn¡¯t want anything coming out the other side.


    ¡°All done,¡± Cassius said, dusting off his hands. ¡°Now we can start your training.¡±


    ¡°My what?¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 56: The First Lesson

    The two of them stood in the center of Clark¡¯s burgeoning village, a stand of enormous dead trees that had no earthly right being in a desert, their unnaturally long limbs woven together to provide relief from the sun above. The dirt under Garth¡¯s feet was earthy and soft, somehow transformed from the hard-packed desert sand. Clark had some good taste.


    There was a fountain where a cactus shaped like a spout poured water down into a trough, its long roots finding water deep under the ground and bringing it to the surface. There were a few problems, sure. The facilities being entirely made out of plants meant pest problems had a somewhat different connotation to them, and Garth spotted several small birds take bites of the fountain before a kid could rush up and scare them off.


    In the distance was a field where kids were being taught how to roll blunts, and ex-SEAL Paul watched his daughter grow a pot plant from seed in a matter of seconds with a horrifying grimace. Jamal and Jess had disappeared, shirking their morning chores. Presumably to bone in an empty tree. Okay, maybe not everything was great, but they were getting along.


    Garth stretched the kink out of his back, it was getting close to evening, and Cass wanted to ¡®train¡¯ him, whatever that meant.


    ¡°Alright, here should be good enough,¡± Cass said, glancing around the empty square. Well, empty except for Sandi, who was devouring a Banta from the outpost.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± she asked, her Lure disheveled and covered in blood.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to teach Garth how to fight with magic properly.¡±


    ¡°Ooh, that sounds fun, I¡¯ll go tell everyone!¡±


    ¡°Sandi, you don¡¯t have-¡° She was already gone. Garth clenched his fist and took a deep breath.


    ¡°Now you get to humiliate me in front of everyone,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°I guess this is happening.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t really care one way or the other,¡± Cass said, before sliding one foot in front of the other, drawing his left hand tight against his solar plexus and holding his other loosely in front of him.


    ¡°We¡¯ll start with the basics: Your stance.¡±


    ¡°Stance?¡± Garth asked, ¡°for magic?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°I mean, if it¡¯s all in our heads, what do we need a-¡°


    All the mana in the square vanished in an instant, disappearing into the fist clutched against Cass¡¯s torso. In that instant Garth realized he couldn¡¯t cast a spell even if he wanted to. Several bolts of compressed air came from Cass¡¯s right hand and hit Garth in the face, right leg, and shoulder, sending him spinning to the ground.


    ¡°Lucky you. They haven¡¯t got here yet.¡±


    ¡°Hah,¡± Garth said, pushing himself to his feet.


    ¡°The martial art that I¡¯m about to teach you, other people would kill to be standing where you are right now. So please, take a stance.¡±


    ¡°This part of that mysterious bet?¡± Garth said, trying to copy the old man¡¯s posture.


    ¡°No questions. You see this?¡± Cass opened his left hand, revealing a solid ball of brightly glowing mana, condensed to a ridiculous amount. ¡°This is my lantern.¡±


    ¡°This,¡± he said, fluttering the fingers of his right hand, ¡°is my spool.¡±


    ¡°Okay¡­¡±


    Cass relaxed his hand, and the ball of mana in it dissolved back into the environment. Garth hadn¡¯t noticed it before, but the sound and color around them seemed to creep back into the world. Had the old man really tugged the strings of reality so hard it became black and white? Garth blinked.


    ¡°In a battle between two archmagi, the radius of your lantern is always in direct contention with the other¡¯s, unless you are throwing spells at each other from across the room, and nobody¡¯s gonna get killed like that.¡±


    ¡°Pull all the mana from your surroundings into your lantern, within a foot or two of yourself. Don¡¯t try to make radius as wide as mine, start with a tiny, controlled patch of earth small enough that you can make it completely devoid of mana. If you tried to start as wide as mine, you¡¯d just clumsily scrape up a bit of mana, and that would be that.¡±


    Cass stepped in and fixed Garth¡¯s posture. ¡°Hold your lantern in front of your vital organs, close to your chest. It can be a last ditch shield or used to repair your organs should they be torn out in the heat of battle.¡±


    This was starting to sound pretty intense.


    ¡°Take all the mana you drew in and store it in your lantern.¡± He tilted Garth¡¯s hand so the back of his hand stood between his lantern and the rest of the world, torqueing Garth¡¯s wrist a little bit. At this point Garth figured it was better to shut up and roll with it.


    ¡°Now do it.¡± Cass said, and Garth attempted to compress the mana under his feet into his hand.


    ¡°A tighter circle. Actively deny yourself mana beyond the radius you have decided on.¡±


    Garth relaxed the mana back into the environment, then pulled it back in, pushing away any mana from beyond a foot around him.


    ¡°Pull harder. Nobody said it was easy, or that you could half-ass it.¡±


    Garth gritted his teeth and clenched his fist, his temples aching as he pushed to draw every single scrap of mana into his left hand.


    ¡°By Kolath, you¡¯re weaker than I thought. Put everything you have into it!¡±


    Garth couldn¡¯t hold back a wordless scream as the pain in his head began to lance out into the rest of his body, making his tendons feel as if they were carrying some great, nonexistent weight that was tearing his body apart.


    Garth closed his eyes and kept pushing. I swear to Beladia, if this gets me killed, I¡¯ll haunt the bastard.


    A second later, the pain was replaced by a strange thrumming in his heart and lungs. No it wasn¡¯t in his lungs, it was in the hand pressed against his lungs.


    Garth opened his left hand, and saw a tiny mote of bright light, like a miniature star. It was so small he could barely see its form, but its light made his eyes water.


    ¡°Only a foot across? Not a very ambitious fellow are you? I expect this to be ten feet across at least by the end of the week. In the meantime, keep holding the lantern. Walk around, see what happens.¡±


    Garth took some experimental steps, and watched as the radius of mana-void environment followed him, stretching only a foot from his feet, but definitely there. The lantern was less like a reservoir as he¡¯d thought, and more like the point where he plugged into reality itself. Weird.


    ¡°This is boring, Throw some fireballs of something!¡± Garth heard Jamal say. Sitting around the two of them were no less than forty men, women, and children, watching the show and eating the popcorn that Clark seemed to be able to conjure from thin air.


    Garth ignored them, looking back at Cass.


    ¡°There, you¡¯ve just learned the most basic technique that every clan teaches their students, let me show you why.¡±


    Cass raised a hand, and mana was drawn from the environment around Garth as he shot fireworks into the sky, detonating into sparks of colorful light just beneath the woven canopy, to the applause of the crowd. Showoff. No matter what he did, though, the thrumming sensation of the Lantern held against his chest remained steady.


    ¡°The infantile flailing that you and others were doing until now can¡¯t disturb the area of a properly made Lantern.¡±


    ¡°Nobody bumping my elbow, got it.¡±


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s harder, not impossible. Nothing is impossible. Once your Lantern is a bit bigger, we can start the real training, but for now, try to attack me.¡±


    ¡°With a spell, I mean,¡± Cass hastily clarified, adopting a stance. That gave Garth pause. Why would he need to clarify? Wasn¡¯t it obvious he was supposed to attack him with a spell? Garth¡¯s intelligence and memory put the pieces together.


    Your little Attaaack¡­


    Garth must have won the mysterious bet by attacking Cass with something other than a spell, and it had made him gun-shy. Interesting.


    Mana in a ten foot circle snapped into Cass¡¯s hand, creating a circle of muted color and sound around him. Garth could make out the strong glow of the lantern emanating from between the wizard¡¯s fingers.


    He glanced down at his own paltry circle that didn¡¯t even pull sound and light out of the environment. It had felt like he was going to die just making this tiny circle. Here was tangible proof that Garth had a long way to go.


    ¡°Well, what are you waiting for? Attack me. With a spell.¡±


    Garth drew a little mana off the sun in his fist, pulling it to his right hand, then fired a firebolt at Cass. The dart of flame hissed through the air between them, straight toward Cass¡¯s face. The wizard didn¡¯t move to dodge or block the speeding missile, but without any motion on his part, the firebolt dissolved back into mana and was drawn into the man¡¯s Lantern, maybe making it six inches into the radius of the man¡¯s circle before it disappeared.


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s all I needed to see.¡± Cassius said, dismissing the Lantern.


    ¡°I have a couple notes. First. You need to flow your mana through your body, It¡¯ll be difficult and uncomfortable at first, but it¡¯s infinitely harder to predict what you¡¯re going to send at me, or disrupt the spell if your mana is hidden inside your own flesh. Go from the lantern in your left hand, up your arm, down to the center of mass around your navel, then back up and out your spool. Don¡¯t send the mana through your heart unless you have a death wish.¡±


    ¡°Second, you should focus on using plants more in combat. You¡¯ve got the Phytomage class and the blessing of Beladia. A double specialization like that is one in a billion. Plants will always be your strongest suit, so master them.¡±


    ¡°But there¡¯s gotta be some kind of plateau, where plants can¡¯t get any better. I imagine I¡¯d lose to any fire specialized person wouldn¡¯t I? Or someone with a chainsaw.¡±


    ¡°Let me put your fears to rest. When you reach the apex of magic,¡± Cass said, ¡°The physical becomes immaterial. For example.¡± He motioned to a stalk of grass laden with seed, and a single kernel flew up to his hand. An instant later a sword of grass emerged from his hand. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a brick of some silvery metal.


    ¡°This is Adamantite, the rarest and strongest metal in existence. Stronger than a plant, yes?¡±


    ¡°Just get on with proving me wrong.¡± Garth said, crossing his arms. He could already see where this demonstration was going.


    ¡°Insolent boy.¡± Cassius said before putting the edge of the grass sword against the metal and pushing with a grunt of effort. In front of everyone¡¯s eyes a thick curl of metal began to peel away as the green blade carved through the priceless mineral like a Christmas ham.


    When the blade came out the other side, the Adamantite flew away with a harsh twang, burying itself in the sparse grass, leaving a smoking crater.


    ¡°And to further put you at ease.¡± Cass said, summoning a ball of white hot fire. The heat was so great Garth had to shield his face from twenty feet away. Standing in front of the ball of fire without a care in the world, Cass plunged the grass sword into the fire and let go of the handle, watching the grass blade suspended in the molten plasma.


    Cass whistled as he waited, giving Garth a wink and rocking back and forth on his heels until the fire finally dissipated and died out, letting the plant drop back to the ground. The blade was completely unsinged, not a single mar on its green surface. The wizard bent down and picked it up, holding it straight up in front of him.


    The leaf that comprised the blade split in two, opening to form a portal, which Cass dropped on himself, making his head and shoulders disappear, then his torso and left hand, and finally his legs, leaving only one hand floating in midair, holding the handle at an awkward angle, until finally he let go and slipped his hand through the portal, disappearing entirely. The blade clattered to the ground, the portal in its center closing, leaving nothing but a green sword once again.


    ¡°Still think there¡¯s a limit to what you can do with plants?¡± Cass asked from directly behind him, nearly making Garth jump. He turned to look at the smug face of the old man.


    ¡°I think¡­maybe not.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a good start. That¡¯s all for today.¡± Cassius smothered a yawn. ¡°Don¡¯t cast any more spells without making a Lantern first. Remember, ten feet wide by the end of the week.¡± He poked Garth¡¯s hand, stomach and other hand. ¡°Channel your mana from here, to here, to here. That¡¯s all you need to practice before the next lesson.¡±

 Chapter 57: A real bad First Impression

    -The Other Earth-


    The first thing Garth remembered was eating Tommy Carter, the barber¡¯s kid from the apartment down the road. The slender teen¡¯s corpse was torn apart like a frog in a high school biology lab, limbs spread apart without any semblance of respect for his humanity.


    The next thing he remembered was his name. Garth. I¡¯m Garth. He lifted his head, cocked to the side, bits of blood and viscera congealing on his chin.


    I¡¯m Garth and I¡¯m a human, so why¡­ He looked down at the corpse beneath him and took another bite of the stringy forearm as he contemplated. Is this normal? I don¡¯t think so? What¡¯s making me do this?


    Garth¡¯s mind brushed something. A thought, or a concept, some undefinable thing dominating the center of his being, guarding all the intersections of his thoughts.


    When he touched it, an overwhelming sensation made his eyes roll back in his head, ruthlessly severing his consciousness.


    The second thing Garth remembered was laying in the warm sun, waiting for prey to walk by. He was contemplating the most effective way to capture and consume some non-kipling, his thoughts turning toward traps and snares, then finding and raiding large groups of them with similarly large groups of others like him, then his thoughts turned toward agriculture. If he really wanted to eat the most humans he possibly could, he should build infrastructure that created and served him humans regularly.


    What was it called¡­Agriculture. I should agriculture them. Seems like the payoff would be worth it. In his head, he pictured himself as a farmer wearing denim overalls, wiping dirt off his hands.


    In this daydream, he was a human, which inevitably turned his thoughts toward why, and sure enough, he blacked out again.


    The third time Garth regained his self, he was watching a man with dusky skin shoot fire from his fingertips, engulfing one of Garth¡¯s contemporaries in a ball of flame.


    Magic, magic, magicmagicmagic, Garth thought hungrily as he spied on the sharply dressed man from a rooftop, the shreds of his own clothes long since gone. Yessssss¡­ I love magic!


    Garth stopped to think about that a moment. I love magic? When did that¡­ Garth¡¯s thought¡¯s rambled, from topic to topic, following his train of thought, and he eventually came to one of the intersections that would lead to the core of his being.


    Garth¡¯s skin broke into goosebumps and something ominous made him reflexively cut the thought short before it could trigger the awareness of  -----.


    Unknowable horror.


    He cut his thought short again, barely restrained panic beginning to fill his body.


    I¡¯ve got ----- in my brain. It¡¯s ----- me, and I need to get it ----¡­.


    something               Controlling                                Out


    Garth struggled to control his breathing as he reflexively cut introspective thoughts short, jumbled them up to make them indecipherable to the ---- that was ---- him.


    Screaming terror in the dark               Controlling


    Garth navigated his mind like a huge city, and where there were blockades set up at every major intersections, Garth could circumvent them by jumping from building to building, free-associating and piecing his thoughts together afterward. It was slow and it made him stupider than he rightly should have been, but he was buoyed up by the sensation of having a stream of consciousness rather than being completely feral.


    Garth closed his eyes and lay still in his perch as his Kipling brethren charged out of the abandoned building into the jaws of death. the small party of armed nonhumans tore them to pieces. He was more interested in navigating his mindspace.


    And that didn¡¯t look like a fight he could win.


    Okay, here¡¯s the plan. Gain power, create a wall around the --------- and then flush it out.


    THING IN MY HEAD


    Easy peasy.


    Garth opened his eyes and peered down at the blue-skinned man with the hunched over body, backwards legs and long arms. He was flinging fireballs around like nobody¡¯s business, covered from direct assault by his beefier companions. When a kipling got past the defensive line, the man held up a hand without missing a beat, and the pale creature who used to be Dave from accounting bounced off a plane of invisible force before getting hacked to pieces


    Yessss¡­. Garth began to drool. Perhaps if he approached the wizard, he could see if the man would be willing to teach him a spell or two.


    Ideally one that could remove the ------


    Quivering abomination


    And if not, he could at least find out what he tasted like.


    It had taken three days of stalking to get the guy alone, and when he finally clubbed him over the head and dragged him off, when he woke up the guy wouldn¡¯t stop screaming, calling Garth a demon and trying to kill him, so Garth dropped a rock on his head and took his stuff.


    The armband released an electric shock and almost killed him, and the books the guy had on hand were indecipherable, at least at first. Garth knew they were important though, so he took them, leaving the strange leather band on the ground, torn to shreds where he¡¯d bitten and clawed at it. There was odd circuitry-looking stuff squished inside the leather. Garth made a note to investigate further.


    When Garth instinctively ate the crimson red stone buried next to the man¡¯s heart, his thoughts began to become clearer.


    It had made it easier to ----- the ---- in his mind


    Circumvent   Blocks


    Interesting, he thought, tearing the man¡¯s arm away for trail rations as he modified his plan. He needed to find and kill more magic users and eat their Heart¡­stones¡­


    if he was going to ---- the watcher in his ----


    Escape                        Mind


    Of course, Garth realized he¡¯d already been drastically -------, he probably would have been a bit squeamish about eating things that spoke, and not have thought raw flesh tasted so good back-----.


    Garth winced as he truncated those particular thoughts an instant before they touched something they shouldn¡¯t have. He took a steadying breath.


    C''est la vie, Garth thought with a shrug, slinging the blue arm over his shoulder and setting out to hunt some more spell slingers. Maybe he could find one that wore something in his size.


    Maybe I¡¯ll get to eat Jim, the thought bubbled out of nowhere, but it put a smile on his shark-toothed maw.


    ***


    Four months later, Irios set foot on the American continent at the head of a group of no less than twelve powerful demons, scouring the last continent on their list before heading to another planet. He¡¯d seen hundreds of nascent demon lords and killed all but the ones he¡¯d judged to be worth his time.


    He killed them because the Inner Spheres would pay less attention to a world where everything was going smoothly. Less demon lords therefore meant less attention. They passed through the east of America relatively smoothly, checking a few names off his list as they went.


    ¡°Hold up,¡± he said, looking down the side of the mountain at the massive city sprawling beneath him. What should have been a ghost town was a bustling metropolis. Signs of battle damage covered the buildings, but people walked around it as if they didn¡¯t seem to mind. parents in clean, bright clothes walked their children, swinging them between their arms, sweaty laborers reconstructed buildings, and plumes of steam arose from hot griddles where teenager fixed burgers.


    ¡°This is strange.¡± Erik said. No shit.


    It was like they had somehow stumbled onto an entirely untouched city, or a slice of what the world had been like before. Distant movement caught Irios¡¯s eye, and he spotted a cargo train moving down the tracks, toward the city proper.


    ¡°There¡¯s a car.¡± Laura said, pointing out a cargo truck moving down the street, pedestrians parting around it. The woman was skeletally thin but tough, smart, and magically gifted, so Irios had added her to the group.


    The rest of his cohorts picked out the inconsistencies in the city in front of them as he watched it silently.


    In the center of the city was a tower that looked like a bone had been grown straight out of the flesh of the earth. The pale, porous stone cast a long shadow over the west side of the city as the sun came up. It was the only building that couldn¡¯t have been there before the realities were merged.


    ¡°Something¡¯s been allowed to fester here.¡± Irios said, a strange feeling crawling up his skin. Every faint Kipling instinct he had remaining told him to attack.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± Erelia asked, glancing at him with concern. ¡°Doesn¡¯t this mean that these humans have done very well at defending themselves?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think so. Not exactly. Let¡¯s go down and check it out.¡±


    The fourteen of them wound their way down the side of the mountain, passing by abandoned houses, their luxurious and commanding view of the city completely meaningless, as they stood empty and abandoned, their owner dead or fled.


    They found a pavement road and walked down the side of the mountain, the sun slowly climbing overhead until they reached a heavy stone wall that had burst out of the ground. There was a thirty foot tall main gate manned by half a dozen humans with automatic weapons.


    In front of the gate was a single man in a lawn chair, reading a book. He wore enchanted leather armor, a status band, and a razor sharp short-sword on his hip. He was average height, average build, a little on the skinny side, with a few days of stubble on his chin.


    He glanced up and broke into a smile as they approached, waving enthusiastically.


    ¡°Hello there, what brings you to Garth-topia?¡±


    One of the men on the wall shouted, ¡°It¡¯s Santo Descano, Garth! it¡¯s already been decided!¡±


    ¡°Fuck you, I built this city, I should be able to name it! Santo Descano is a stupid name, and you know it!¡± the man in front of the gate shouted. Garth? Irios narrowed his eyes. The man was paler than usual. A kipling perhaps? Working with a human?


    ¡°Garth-topia is a stupid name, It¡¯s never gonna catch on!¡±


    The man in front of the gate was about to shout back when Irios interrupted them.


    ¡°Garth,¡± he said, pointing at the man in front of them. ¡°Garth Daniels?¡±


    ¡°Speaking.¡± Garth said, turning back to them. Irios raised a brow and looked the man from top to bottom. There were faint signs of being a kipling. Mouth a bit too wide, skin a bit too pale, but without help from someone else, he had no idea how he¡¯d made so much progress.


    There was either another demon lord in play, or this upstart needed to be crushed quickly.


    ¡°My name is Irios, as you can probably tell, I¡¯m not from around here.¡±


    ¡°They are.¡± Garth said, pointing at the pale kipling standing behind him. ¡°did you bring them here for trade? We can always use extra hands. Seeing as how they¡¯re not immediately jumping the guys on the gate they must be cream of the crop.¡±


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± Laura asked, taking a step forward.


    ¡°Oh, they can talk too!? That¡¯ll get you a lot of credits.¡±


    Irios put a hand in front of Laura, keeping her from burning the kipling in front of her.


    ¡°How are you so human?¡± he asked. ¡°The Call should be dictating your every move. You shouldn¡¯t be able to feel anything but rage and hunger.¡±


    ¡°Psh, I got rid of that, like, a month ago.¡± Garth said, waving his hand dismissively. ¡°It wasn¡¯t that hard, and sure I¡¯ve had to rebuild parts of my personality that got jettisoned with it, and I¡¯m missing some memories, but I¡¯d much rather be drastically altered and free, than drastically altered and a slave. Not even a choice, really.¡±


    That wasn¡¯t possible. The life cycle of a kipling did not include provisions for someone removing the Call entirely. Kill him, kill him, kill him¡­ the urges inside Irios whispered, but he bottled them down, eager to get as much information as he could before he played his hand.


    ¡°Did someone help you with that? Is there another demon lord around here?¡±


    Garth looked around. ¡°Well, sort of. There¡¯s this Apostle named Sibylline in the next city over, and she¡¯s a total-¡° he coughed into his fist, ¡°bitch. She¡¯s got control over there. we do a little trading between her, us and the Outpost and I mean, I may be a flesh eating monster, but that woman¡­¡±


    ¡°The devil!¡±


    ¡°Exactly!¡± Garth said, pointing at one of the Guards on the wall.


    Irios shot forward and plunged his hand through the enchanted armor and Garth¡¯s breastbone, tearing out his heart along with his heartstone. The lightly armored demon looked at him, his jaw hanging loose as his eyes wandered to the dripping red organ in Irios¡¯s hand.


    ¡°Son of a bitch¡­¡± his eyes rolled back in his hand and he collapsed to the ground.


    ¡°Listen up!¡± Irios shouted to the stunned men on the wall. ¡°That was an abomination, a creature that was never meant to exist, and he would have treated you like cattle. I don¡¯t know what you think you were getting from your relationship with him, but believe me, it would not have ended well for you!¡±


    ¡°That was harsh.¡± A voice said from beside him.


    Irios looked down and spotted the corpse of Garth, lifeless and pale, eyes wide open and staring at the sky where he had fallen.


    ¡°Is this thing on?¡± the creature¡¯s mouth moved with the words followed by several thumps of a finger tapping a microphone. ¡°The video feed¡¯s cut off, so I¡¯ll have to assume you¡¯re listening. I¡¯m gonna give you one chance to get the fuck out of my city before I rain every manner of hell down on you.¡±


    ***


    Garth covered the flesh microphone made with the dead Kipling¡¯s heartstone and skin and glanced over at where Leanne was eating one of the adventurers who¡¯d died recently in the nearby dungeon. The porous stone of Garth¡¯s tower loomed over their heads, dimly lit by smoking lamps.


    ¡°Leanne, could you round up the posse and take them to the front gate? There¡¯s some tough hombres out there, and could you send out an emergency notice for the livestock to head to the shelter?¡±


    Leanne hissed at him, hunched over her meal.


    "Oh, is this a bad time for you?" Garth said, striding over to the corpse and booting her  away from it and out the door. "You wanted the job, git. Git!"


    "Fine, fuck!" she shouted, grabbing the heartstone and moving.


    Freaking teens. Work, work, work, all the time. Running a city is a giant pain in the ass.

 Chapter 58: Keep your Friends Close

    ¡°How did humans ever build anything so large without magic?¡± Sandi asked, her jaw dropped at the spectacle down the slope of the mountain. She was sitting beside him, casually weaving grass into a wreath. Itet was watching Tyler¡¯s group with predatory intensity.


    ¡°Science.¡± Garth said.


    Garth looked down at the city below them, stretching out into the horizon. It was only thanks to his superhuman sight that he was able to see all the way to the smudge of the ocean at the very edge of his sight. He twiddled two seeds in his hand, one grass kernel, and one dodder seed.


    ¡°Now that I¡¯m looking at it¡­That¡¯s a big city. Do we really need all of L.A. for less than five hundred people?¡± Clark asked. he was standing beside Garth, looking down at the city that stretched out below them.


    ¡°It¡¯s not gonna stay five hundred people forever, plus this¡¯ll be a great place to settle and trade with outpost 3502, or did you want to stay in the desert forever?¡±


    ¡°I was thinking maybe a forest a bit to the north. I mean, looking at how much work this is gonna take¡­¡±


    ¡°It won¡¯t.¡± Garth said, pocketing the dodder seed and pulling out a venus flytrap seed from further up his bandolier.


    He was currently memorizing the information about the plant¡¯s ability to sense its environment. Flytraps had sensitive hairs, Dodder could smell its prey. Once Garth isolated the ability to smell, he pulled out a raspberry seed, a strawberry, and to throw an oddball into the mix, a quaking aspen seed, Using Plant Analysis to steal their techniques for root and runner propagation.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been thinking ever since I saw Cass make a blade of grass into a portal. We don¡¯t really have to confine ourselves to what we think a plant should be able to do.¡±


    ¡°How so?¡± Clark asked.


    ¡°Steak that grows on trees. Sentry turrets that shoot seeds, interconnected root systems of a single entity that can serve as a helpful assistant when we clear out the city. Maybe even plants that can cast spells and think one day. If Cass could make a blade of grass do it, I think I could. He says I¡¯ll be better than him at plant magic one day.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure we should take everything that guy says at face value,¡± Clark said with a shrug. ¡°But I can¡¯t deny he¡¯s been helpful. He automated the farms the other day and now the kids have more time to experiment with magic. He says Kristen¡¯s more talented than you, if less ruthlessly underhanded when she wants something.¡±


    ¡°Paul¡¯s kid?¡± Garth asked. He didn¡¯t really need to ask, since the very mention of her name triggered his Memory and every detail of her existence popped into his head, but it was habit for conversation to follow a certain flow.


    ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t know what he¡¯s got against you.¡± Clark said.


    ¡°Me neither. Well, I have a rough idea, but the details are unclear.¡± Garth pulled out a moonseed.


    ¡°Too ambitious?¡± he asked Wilson, holding the seed of the poisonous plant in front of him.


    ¡°You¡¯re the boss. Besides, if you fail, we can always start over again with a new group of people that trust you not to poison them.¡±


    ¡°Har har. This thing¡¯s gonna be a doozy, which is why we¡¯re not starting with people we like.


    ¡°What are you talking about?¡± Sandi asked, sitting on the grass beside him and marveling at the size of the city.


    Garth quickly memorized the recipe for curare production, then shifted his attention to the tiny grass seed in front of him.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to make clearing out L.A. a lot easier,¡± he said. ¡°Well, if this works.¡±


    Garth pulled out a Mythic Core and held it in his left hand. He¡¯d practiced for this, hopefully he didn¡¯t have an aneurism. He took a deep steadying breath and got to work. He had to make a lantern before every spell, until it was second nature. In this case, though, he was going to need a lot of mana.


    Garth formed a Lantern, using the core as an aid, drawing mana out of the environment for twenty five feet around him and causing his fist to glow brightly. Garth had barely managed to reach a four foot radius without assistance. That meant the core had multiplied his ability to gather mana by a rough 244 times, assuming a spherical shape. Damn.


    Every time Cass saw Garth¡¯s progress with his Lantern, he would scoff, shake his head and walk away. Something told Garth that no matter how awesome this guy thought he was, he probably hadn¡¯t taught very many students before.


    He pushed away his idle thoughts and started designing the seed. His proficiency with Plant Design was¡­well he didn¡¯t know what it was, but he felt comfortable designing tiny hollow thorns filled with curare into the grass, normally hidden under the flesh of the grass, until a blade was bent and smelled a kipling pressing right up against it, at which point the tiny little syringes would shoot out and inject a lethal dose of the paralytic. No muss, no fuss. It wouldn¡¯t bother people even if they stepped on it.


    Hopefully.


    There might be a few Kipling in the city whose Endurance was far too high to be killed by poison, but all they had to do was gang up on it with maybe a dozen people and butcher it.


    The ability to propagate via runners and roots was to spread an interconnected root system through all of L.A. without using Recursive Casting, plus, he didn¡¯t have to worry about a strain mutating that liked the smell of humans, which was his biggest concern.


    Having a single root system would make it easier to put down magically if it ever got uppity, because Garth was planning on taking advantage of its sense of smell to give him an idea of where every Kipling in the entire city was.


    This was the hard part. Garth didn¡¯t have a living example of a root system that could relay information like that movie with the blue people, but he did his best, trying to copy yes/no pulses of information that the human brain¡¯s neurons did naturally. Garth wasn¡¯t a doctor, but he used his best guess to create a plant that was smart enough to tell him telepathically where it could smell kipling inside the range of its main body.


    Weapon, spy, supercomputer. Defense system. Never accomplish just one task when you could accomplish many.


    ¡°As long as it doesn¡¯t become self-aware and enslave everyone to spread it across the globe.¡± Wilson whispered.


    Garth glared at him. ¡°Why would you put that idea in my head?¡±


    ¡°Hey, we¡¯re both thinking it, I¡¯m just saying it.¡±


    Garth glanced at Clark, who watched him nervously. Sandi didn¡¯t seem worried though, she took Garth talking to himself as a given by this point. Further down the mountain, Tyler was gearing up, him and his men bitching about not being able to bring their enormous man-eating mounts back with them and being stuck with horses. Each and every one of them was wearing an extra-long riding saber.


    When I finish your body, I hope you don¡¯t say that kind of shit around other people, they¡¯re nervous enough as it is. Garth turned his attention to the seed.


    And you, your job is to protect people from Kipling, but that doesn¡¯t mean waging a war across the known universe. Just stick to L.A¡­.and be good, okay?


    The seed was unresponsive, naturally.


    Garth finalized the changes, then packed it with a delayed Plant Growth, using all of the considerable mana at his disposal.


    He didn¡¯t have to create the recursive pools of mana, or any of the fancy stuff, aside from stretching the Plant growth out a bit so it wasn¡¯t quite so explosive. He wanted minimum damage to the city proper.


    Garth packed, packed, and packed mana into the spell, until the seed began to tingle his fingers as though it were giving off little electrostatic jolts. More than that might not be safe. Garth could use Plant growth to manually spread any area that didn¡¯t quite reach far enough, so he didn¡¯t feel a desperate need to flood the entire city with poisonous grass. No, a foothold was plenty.


    Once he got as much mana as he could into the spell, Garth held the seed between thumb and forefinger with one eye closed, holding it in front of the area he wanted it to land, then wrapped it with telekinetic force and shot the seed straight out. It disappeared from his sight in a matter of seconds as he carried it down the mountain, but he could still feel it in the grasp of his spell.


    Extreme distance degraded the telekinesis spell, making it weak and unable to carry much at all¡­. but it was a tiny grass seed. Important things come in small packages. Garth thought as he felt it make contact with the open field he¡¯d aimed at.


    Garth opened his other eye and watched. In a matter of moments, the dusty open field where a house was half-built turned a lush green, spreading perceptibly outward, into the city of L.A.


    Garth held his thumb over the city, trying to gauge the radius of the green growth.


    ¡°What does that look like to you?¡± he asked. ¡°Two miles in every direction?¡±


    It was actually a drop in the bucket compared to the endless grid of streets and houses that seemed to stretch in every direction, but it was a good start. In a few years, the entire city would be full of the weed. For better or worse.


    ¡°Seems that way,¡± Clark said, squinting.


    ¡°What if someone picks some of the grass and chews on it?¡± Wilson asked.


    Curare can¡¯t penetrate the gut. The grass is edible if that¡¯s what you¡¯re asking.


    ¡°But wouldn¡¯t the thorns penetrate their gums?¡±


    Garth paused. If he laced the flesh of the grass with an antidote, that would have made more sense. Goddamnit, maybe I can use Design Plant on it again.


    ¡°Don¡¯t let anyone eat the grass.¡± Garth said to Clark before heading down the mountain to where Tyler¡¯s eighty-five men were.


    ¡°Hey Tyler, how¡¯s it going?¡± Garth said, approaching the tattooed skinhead.


    ¡°Good, thanks.¡± Oh, seems more polite than I remember.


    ¡°See that patch of green that wasn¡¯t there a couple minutes ago?¡± Garth said, pointing at the mat of grass that dominated the entrance to the city. ¡°That¡¯s your safe zone, twelve and a half square miles of it. Should be plenty for the first trip into the city. Any kipling that move in there are going to be put to sleep, and your job is to make sure they¡¯re dead. If you get attacked by a swarm of them, retreat to there before heading back to base.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll take care of it. Just make sure you follow through on your end.¡±


    ¡°I gotcha, one week of clearing the city for a ton of coke. Keep in mind when you get out of here that you¡¯re representing us as a vendor. Honestly though, you¡¯re getting a great deal, because as long as you stay inside that green part, it should be as dangerous as picking up trash off the street.¡±


    Tyler¡¯s men relaxed noticeably when Garth said that, shoulders coming down, nervous fingers coming away from their belts and resting on the horns of their saddles.


    Garth ushered Tyler aside and whispered in his ear.


    ¡°But if any of your guys or their horses feels weak or has difficulty breathing, get the fuck out of there, okay?¡± Garth gave Tyler a bright smile as the thug¡¯s eyes widened. ¡°You know how to do CPR, right?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve got it under control, ass-¡° Tyler nearly bit his tongue as he cut off the swear. Strangely the guy had turned over a new leaf in regards to cursing recently. ¡°We¡¯ve got it.¡±


    ¡°Cool,¡± Garth said, patting him on the back as he raised his voice again and pulled out a bag of corn kernels. ¡°You guys like sweet corn on the cob? This isn¡¯t the reject shit, this is the stuff that those corn munchers in Nebraska save for themselves. When you guys stop for lunch, just plant one of these in the ground and stand back.¡±


    Garth passed kernels out to Tyler¡¯s men. Some of them took them, most shook their heads.


    ¡°Good luck you guys,¡± Garth said, handing the rest of the kernels to Tyler and giving them a salute. ¡°I hope we can stay in business for a long time.¡±


    He turned and headed back up the mountain, rejoining with Clark, Sandi and Itet, as well as Paul, Samantha, and their fifty warriors. Garth fished a tiny stone shaped like a hearing aid out of his pocket and put it in his right ear as they started heading back out toward home base.


    ¡°Why are we working with that purple piece of shit?¡± a voice came through the magical microphone he¡¯d woven into the bag of treats.


    ¡°As long as he thinks he¡¯s gonna get L.A. when this is over, he¡¯ll keep lending a hand, and that means we¡¯re gonna be able to clear the place of Fu¡ªkipling a lot faster than we might have otherwise. Once the city¡¯s clear, we¡¯ll kill him and take control of his group, but not before. There were millions of people in there before the world went to shit, and I can¡¯t be asked to kill that many monsters with my bare hands.¡±


    One of Tyler¡¯s men grunted, and the neighs of horses and clippy-cloppy sounds along with the brushing of the bag against leather came through in Garth¡¯s ear as they headed out.


    ¡°Why are you smiling?¡± Sandi asked, peering over at him.


    ¡°Because I¡¯m having fun.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Garth.¡± Paul shouted from the beyond a stand of trees, his voice tinged with a bit of concern. ¡°You need to see this!¡± for Paul to get even a little concerned was a bad sign, and Garth broke into a jog, getting through the underbrush and gaining a clear view of their home base in the distance.


    No less than five hundred riders bore down on Beladia¡¯s little village, maybe ten minutes away, sending a surge of panic through Garth. They were a good forty minute hike away from the village themselves.


    He kept his voice even as he summoned a Lantern then cast Forestwalk on every person there who couldn¡¯t cast it themselves.


    ¡°Back to the base. Get the lead out.¡± He lifted off the ground and began to soar down the side of the mountain.

 Chapter 59: And your Enemies Crucified

    Garth was kicking himself as he flew down the side of the mountain, Wilson desperately holding on to his shoulder against the wind. He¡¯d brought the best people with him, without thinking about leaving Paul, Samantha, or Clark to watch the town. Cass clenched his teeth and reached into his pocket, hand closing on the Mythic Core.


    The rush of magic flooding his awareness accompanied a redoubling of speed and blast of wind. Garth had barely enough presence of mind to throw a Force Shield in front of him, calming the wind enough to see.


    The ground underneath him was sliding away at a speed that was reminiscent of a small aircraft, he must be going somewhere between one hundred and one forty. At the rate he was going, he¡¯d get there maybe three minutes before the horsemen would reach the village.


    Now the question was, how did he delay them long enough to find out what they were here for, and buy time for the rest of the company get ready to welcome them?


    Wall Of Stone should do it. When Garth reached the riders, he was hovering a hundred feet or so above them. They hadn¡¯t even bothered to look up.


    Garth tightened his grip on the Mythic core, pointed his finger and drew a line across the arid land, sinking mana deep into the earth, where it created an extra twenty feet of bedrock jutting up out of the ground a couple hundred feet in front of the horsemen. The resulting wall was about fifteen feet high, five buried in the ground, and four hundred feet long.


    They could take a detour around it easily, but the sudden appearance of a stone wall in the middle of their path was enough to give them pause. He considered boxing them in, but he honestly didn¡¯t think he could do it without having an aneurism.


    Garth felt stretched thin as he flew down in front of the wall, where the riders were slowing their horses to a canter. It wasn¡¯t like other times when he¡¯d pushed himself to use more magic and his temples had ached, or maybe given him a bit of nausea. Right now he felt like an overfilled water balloon. One poke away from bursting.


    His gaze settled on one man giving orders to the riders, waving his arms and shouting for the rest of them to slow down. Oh, Beladia, I¡¯m not in the mood for this.


    At the head of the aborted charge was Harold, the grey haired, one-eyed, ex marine who¡¯d tried to kill Garth more than once. Twice, was it?


    Well, if he gave Garth a hard time, he¡¯d teleport him a quarter mile into the sky.


    ¡°Hi Harold.¡± Garth said when the riders had come to a stop, looking at him.


    ¡°Garth. Surprised to see you¡¯re still kicking around.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m surprised you can remember my name.¡±


    Harold broke into a grin. ¡°I never forget a purple face. I should¡¯a thought of you when I heard the rumor about a town making bank selling drugs to aliens.¡±


    Now, how to disable all of them without killing them? Garth could kill all of them with the poisonous combat dodder, but he didn¡¯t feel like being responsible for the deaths of hundreds of humans just yet.


    ¡°What are you here for, Harry?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve been going around, recruiting for the H.L.A.¡± he said with severity, as if that was supposed to mean something to Garth. ¡°I heard about this place, and decided to extend the offer to join us.¡±


    Translation, we were going to steal all your shit and force you to work for us. Sometimes you had to apply some creative thinking to the bullshit that dribbled out of these people¡¯s mouths.


    The H.L.A.?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°The Human Liberation Army.¡± Harold said, sitting straighter in his saddle.


    Garth couldn¡¯t contain his mirth, breaking out into gales of laughter, chortling so hard he doubled over and spilled Wilson into the dirt. Wilson kicked his tiny lizard legs as he howled with laughter in the dusty soil. The riders didn¡¯t look at all pleased with Garth¡¯s humor, fingering fancy enchanted crossbow-guns and sleek mithril swords. They were carrying an inordinate amount of hardware and that just made Garth laugh harder.


    ¡°HA, ha, Oh my Goddess,¡± Garth said, wiping tears from his eyes. ¡°Tell me you didn¡¯t trade Mythic Cores to the aliens for all that fancy gear, thinking you¡¯ll use it to secure control over Earth and then overthrow them.¡±


    From the way Harold was scowling and reaching for his gun, it seemed like he had done that exact thing.


    ¡°I mean, that¡¯s like trading twelve tons of weapons grade plutonium for a couple ak-47¡¯s. Hehehehe.¡± He broke into a giggle as he turned Harold¡¯s safety to the on position with Telekinesis. ¡°To be fair, I did trade a couple earlier, so I can¡¯t make too much fun of you.¡±


    Gotta think of a way to get those back, if Earth had a net influx of cores, we¡¯d be sitting pretty. Ooh, if you put a mythic core in a windmill, and spun it around a weaker core, it could create pulses of energy, like an electric motor! No Aether crystal required. I might be able to make a self-sustaining perpetual motion machine¡­


    ¡°Alright, I¡¯ve heard enough.¡± Harold said, casually drawing his gun and leveling it at Garth. Nothing happened.


    Garth reached out and weaved mana into a simple construct around Harold¡¯s gun that would switch the safety to the on position whenever it was off, before using Recursive Casting to apply it to every gun present.


    ¡°What the?¡± Harold said, glaring at his gun and switching the safety off before leveling it at Garth again. Again, nothing happened.


    ¡°No go ahead, take your time.¡± Garth said, walking forward as he started casting a spell to shrink their swords to the size of sardines. The mythic core made it easy. ¡°I hear this kind of thing happens a lot to older guys.¡±


    Harold looked at his safety again, spotted that it was in the on position again, and gave Garth a fierce glare.


    ¡°Shoot him!¡± Harold shouted, and there was a chorus of guns and magic crossbows sliding against leather. Garth put up a Force Shield in case he missed one, but it seemed his worries were unfounded.


    Harold¡¯s eye was bulging out of his socket as he shouted for them to draw their swords, only to find his own had become the size of a toothpick. They groped around clumsily for handles that were more appropriately sized for keychains.


    ¡°You know,¡± Garth said, cocking his head to the side. ¡°I¡¯m a pretty forgiving guy, I think. If you had wised up a little, and didn¡¯t try to kill me again, we probably could have done business. But how the hell am I supposed to let you go after you¡¯ve tried to kill me three times?¡±


    ¡°You little shit, I¡¯ll-¡° Garth stapled his lips shut with some well-placed telekinesis.


    ¡°Your Endurance is what, somewhere between forty and sixty now?¡± Garth asked, summoning Woody to play with the rest of Harold¡¯s crew. Woody was a good ten feet tall now, able to crush spines with a well-placed blow. The treant began to lumber towards the confused, unarmed riders. Their horses reeled back at the sight of the giant treant bearing down on them, and Garth took the opportunity to pull Harold out of his saddle, across the dirt toward him.


    Garth pulled out an acorn and levitated Harold¡¯s gun from where it had dropped, dismissing the construct. As the gray haired man was climbing to his feet, his own gun shot him in the gut, causing him to grunt and stagger backwards.


    The bullet must not have gone very far past his armor, because there wasn¡¯t very much blood.


    Just breaking the surface was good enough for Garth.


    The acorn leapt out of his hands and shoved itself into the wound. Harold grunted and tore at his abdomen, but the seed was already inside him. Realizing he couldn¡¯t get it out right away, he leapt at Garth with a fair amount of speed.


    ¡°Harold,¡± Garth said as he flew above Harold¡¯s grasp, shouting over the sound of men fighting and the panicked screams of horses. ¡°You¡¯re an asshole, and everything that¡¯s happening now is a direct result of that!¡±


    ¡°Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe.¡± Garth triggered the oak to start growing inside Harold.


    ¡°You know that¡¯s a bad guy¡¯s line, right?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°AAAGH!¡± Harold began writhing in pain as lumps began to move under his skin, bloody roots burst out of his legs, anchoring him to the ground.


    Garth took control of the oak, instructing it to avoid Harold¡¯s major organs even as the tree stood Harold up, growing around the flesh of his arms and legs, lifting him into the air. In seconds, he was dangling from the front of the tree by tightly stretched skin and bones firmly clamped in place.


    In a few seconds, Harold was crucified, intrinsically bound to the tree he was pinned to, moaning weakly. Damn, he¡¯s still alive. Guy¡¯s tough.


    ¡°Garth?¡± Wilson said, catching Garth¡¯s attention. He looked at the lizard on his shoulder, who coughed, a tiny bit of blood flying out of his mouth. ¡°I don¡¯t feel so good.¡±


    Garth felt a bit of something rolling down his upper lip. He touched it and pulled away fingertips smeared with red from his bleeding nose. Shit. His eyes rolled back in his head, his last sight was the earth rushing up to meet him.


    ***


    Garth woke up alive-er than he expected, blinking as his eyes focused in the lamplight. He was inside his and Sandi¡¯s treehouse, lying in bed.


    As soon as Garth became fully conscious, the pain flooded in from everywhere. He had scrapes and a twisted shoulder from where he¡¯d fallen, but drowning all of the physical pain was the mountainous headache that felt like two giants taking turns slamming his head with an iron mallet. They had excellent rhythm.


    On the desk beside him, Wilson was covering his head and whimpering.


    Garth spotted Sandi sleeping naked beside him. Normally that would have been enough to liven his mood, but the headache was like nothing he¡¯d ever experienced, and he just closed his eyes and tried to wait it out. Every movement of his head or eyes that he made only seemed to make the pain worse.


    It calmed down drastically, until the pain was only a mere mortal splitting migraine. Once he was up to looking around, Garth homed in on his drawer full of seeds on the counter. He could grab something for the pain and it would help him get out of bed.


    Garth tried to scoop up some mana to open the drawers when he was overwhelmed by a wave of nausea, flipping onto his side and heaving his lunch onto the floor.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Sandi said, sitting up behind him. ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    She turned her head toward the door and shouted, ¡°He¡¯s awake!¡±


    A few minutes of dry heaving onto the floor and people parading in and out of his room, and Garth finally was able to control his stomach again. The fuck was that, He thought, his head screaming with pain.


    ¡°I guess you could call it mana poisoning.¡± Cass said, sitting beside Garth.


    ¡°You used a lot more than you¡¯re used to and it made you sick. It¡¯s pretty unusual unless you go around using Mythic Cores to ham-fistedly boost your mana channeling abilities. You know, using cores to boost a mage¡¯s strength is the leading cause of Magical Erectile Dysfunction?¡±


    ¡°Not funny. What happened?¡±


    ¡°What happened is you overworked yourself creating a big show and nearly blew out your ability to channel mana. It¡¯s like your liver, or your asshole, you can abuse it a few times, but keep shit like this up and it¡¯ll become loose and saggy, therefore you are forbidden from using cores in the same manner.¡±


    ¡°No problem.¡± Garth said, staring at the vomit-covered wood underneath him. He really had no problem never feeling like this again.


    ¡°You should feel better in a week or two.¡± Cass said, standing. ¡°You probably already figured this out, but don¡¯t try to channel mana in the meantime.¡±


    ¡°Got it.¡±


    ¡°And you could have defused that situation much easier with mind-magic.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t want it.¡± Garth said, wiping his mouth with the towel Sandi gave him and carefully sitting up in the bed with her help. When is she finally gonna need me to help her out?


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± Cass asked with a raised eyebrow.


    ¡°I¡¯m too morally flexible to trust myself with it. It¡¯s something I¡¯ve noticed about myself.¡± Garth said.


    Cass was about to ask another question when Paul came through the door.


    ¡°I heard you were awake.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, how¡¯s it going? Since everyone¡¯s here, is it safe to assume we won?¡±


    ¡°They gave up as soon as we made the scene, and Clark and his boys grew some cages to hold them. Their leader¡­he¡¯s still where you left him. What do you want to do with ¡®em?¡±


    ¡°Make them each write a three-hundred word essay starting with:


    My name is ____, and I regret attacking Garth-topia because___¡±


    Paul raised a brow ¡°It¡¯s Clarkstown, since he founded it. Also an essay sounds like a stupid idea.¡±


    ¡°I told him to found it! I should-¡± Garth tried to shout, but the headache redoubled. He put his fingers over his temples. ¡°Once they¡¯re done, carve the essays into their backs, then send them out to outpost 3502 naked. Take all their shit. Keep anybody with a decent apology.¡±


    Paul¡¯s eyes widened, and a moment later he nodded. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s better. What about their leader?¡±


    Garth¡¯s guts writhed as he contemplated direct murder. He took a deep breath and decided to bite the bullet. ¡°Put him out of his misery. He¡¯s not the kind of person that can be changed. I know for a fact he¡¯d come back here at the front of an even bigger army if we let him go.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Paul squared his jaw and left the room to go kill someone in cold blood. On Garth¡¯s orders. Garth felt like shit, but it slowly washed away. Harold was a killer and the world was a better place without him.


    ¡°I see what you mean.¡± Cass said. ¡°You¡¯re still gonna have to learn, at least enough to defend yourself.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± Garth said, already coming up with ideas to lower the burden of power consumption if he ever had to fend off an army again. If he had enchantments that took care of flying, telekinesis, teleportation and the other commonly used spells, he¡¯d have a lot more spare mana to fight.


    He needed to upgrade his equipment.


    ¡°See you tomorrow, get some sleep if you can.¡± Cass said, touching Garth¡¯s head with a healing spell before stepping out of their room.


    ¡°Think you could help me get to sleep?¡± Garth asked, leering over at Sandi. He must be feeling better already, because up until this point, the beautiful girl in bed beside him hadn¡¯t had much impact on him.


    ¡°Maybe. If you promise to meet my parents when they get here.¡±


    ¡°Well, I guess there¡¯s probably no getting out of it, so you¡¯ve got a deal.¡± Garth said with a chuckle, rolling over onto her soft body.


    ¡°And help me clean the bedroom.¡±


    Garth sighed and rested his cheek atop her warm breast for a moment, looking up into her hypnotic green eyes. It wasn¡¯t like boning someone who¡¯d just been tossing his cookies in a room that smelled like puke was a woman¡¯s idea of a good time anyway. He should get a shower too.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s make this happen,¡± Garth said, flinging away the covers and standing, wincing as the headache threatened to return, ¡°but you¡¯re joining me in the shower.¡±

 Chapter 60: Getting Ready for a Visit

    Sandi¡¯s mom and tentacle monster dad weren¡¯t coming right away, since they had to time their trip between harvests, and so Garth had a month and a half to get his act together.


    The first week was the hardest. Being in magical time-out was rough for someone who¡¯d gotten used to putting on his shoes in the morning with telekinesis and floating around half the time.


    Garth spent the time designing his own Status band and pretending everything was totally fine to Tyler when he came back from his work with tens of thousands of Heartstones. The drug dealer thankfully didn¡¯t notice that Garth couldn¡¯t cast anything, and Clark was able to cover for him, delivering on the promise of two thousand pounds of cocaine.


    Tyler took his payment and they made a deal for him to come back in about three months with an army that could sweep the city clean in a matter of days. According to him, the grass worked exactly as he¡¯d hoped, and a few horses that weren¡¯t watched too closely ate the grass with no ill effects. That was excellent, but if Garth were a betting man, he would say Tyler¡¯s ¡®army¡¯ would not be friendly after they took care of clearing the city.


    After the first week, Garth slowly reintroduced magic into his life, working it out like an injury, slowly and carefully. At the same time he began to make his ideas for mana-saving spells into reality.


    As far as Garth could tell, the most efficient shape for an enchanted core was a disc with a hole drilled through the center fitted with an aether crystal. Garth designed a magical egg slicer based on Cass¡¯s engraving pens, and after he¡¯d worked out the kinks of his design on a normal dungeon core bought from the nearest outpost, he¡¯d used it on a Mythic core.


    He only had twelve of the priceless things left.


    The results were two perfect eighth inch wafers from the center, and half a dozen incrementally smaller tilted ones from either side, until the useless little nubs on the end.


    Garth scrawled dense enchantments on both sides of the wafers and fitted them with aether crystals purchased from the inner spheres.


    That had been an enormous pain in the ass. He¡¯d been forced to beg Jim to launder his money for him, because only Citizens could buy Aether crystals legally, and Cass wasn¡¯t sharing. The old bastard. Sandi wasn¡¯t able to help, either. Apparently you weren¡¯t born a Citizen, but instead had to work for it, like in Starship Troopers. The comparison actually seemed pretty good, what with the shitty government.


    Garth managed to make a chip for flight, telekinesis and Force Armor, studding the gold discs into a beige motherboard made of a high tier (but not as high as a mythic core) dungeon core that had reached the end of its legal working period.


    He wrapped those three around his wrist, along with a storage function that made his previous one look Tupperware compared to a shipping container, and a Status reading effect, minus the annoying piracy protection.


    He had looked into the plant magic boost from the fancy one he¡¯d gotten, but it was as much of a plant magic boost as X-ray glasses from cereal boxes let you see through clothes. It didn¡¯t actually raise your proficiency with plant magic so much as it boosted the mana efficiency of a few basic plant spells like Control plants, giving the illusion of being better at it.


    As soon as Garth had the thought about X-ray glasses, Wilson wouldn¡¯t stop bugging him to waste one of the Mythic Core wafers on a clothes-penetrating vision enchantment. He argued that people could be hiding weapons under their bras.


    Garth promised to make one someday, because it wasn¡¯t good to deny your Id of every dark desire, but he laid down the law by insisting that it wasn¡¯t important enough to devote a slice of Mythic core to the attempt, which caused Wilson to sulk for awhile before he was back to his usual happy-go lucky self.


    Three more slices were used to create stat-boosting enchantments, stealing the design from six black-gold Status Bands bought from the outpost. Garth put a physical enchantment on one side, and a mental enchantment on the other, allowing him to cover all six stats.


    If the black gold band was a Cadillac, Garth¡¯s homemade one was an F35.


    As Garth was marveling at his finished product, Cass had walked by and pointed out to his irritation, that anything he¡¯d bought at an open-air vendor in the middle of the goddamn street couldn¡¯t possibly be a luxury item.


    Okay, so the Black gold band was a rambler, and his was a caddy. Now all he had to do was not get his arm cut off in the heat of battle. At that thought, Garth probed his breastbone. Now there was a solid plate of bone ripe for getting anchored with enchantments. Also a lot less likely to get cut off.


    That could come later, though, and would probably involve some heavy-duty painkillers. Luckily, Garth had designed the discs to be removable.


    On the Plant Magic front, Garth had finally gotten around to creating weapon and armor seeds for every occasion. The weapons were straightforward, growing arrows, spears and swords out of the ground, to be plucked at the users convenience. The armor was where it got a little weird.


    In order to allow for a good fit, a person had to plant the modified darkwood seed under themselves and stand still, allowing it to grow over them, which took some serious balls. A few people with claustrophobia had opted to simply use regular armor.


    The benefit was that Garth¡¯s armor was lighter and tougher than steel, and a person could carry a dozen potential fitted suits in a tiny purse.


    Clarkstown¡¯s armory was filled with labelled barrels with hundreds of thousands of these seeds, waiting to be put to good use.


    The mech-warrior plant suit idea didn¡¯t go very far, with Garth unable to figure out a way to power the damn thing other than using a core or doing it himself. He¡¯d have to ask Woody how he moved around so quickly. Garth shelved the idea, but not permanently. He knew there had to be a way to do it, he was just still dealing with his mental preconceptions about what a plant could and couldn¡¯t do and that was influencing his spellwork.


    Clark had suggested plant-based landmines, but once Garth had made them, he hid them away in his personal study. The explosion of steel-shredding seeds had been so violent that they¡¯d been nearly unable to find all the seeds scattered across the testing ground. Garth didn¡¯t like the idea of them getting away from him and becoming a part of the ecosystem because he was careless. He could imagine forty years from now, parents teaching their children what to look out for so they don¡¯t get blown to tiny bits.


    After the second week, Cass got back to training Garth in earnest, pounding the basics of his martial art into him. It became a daily ritual to swing by the center of town for beer, popcorn, a bit of weed and coke, and watch Garth get the shit kicked out of him.


    Needless to say, if one wizard was standing toe-to toe with another and summoned his Lantern first, turning the area around him mana-less, then he could make the other one his bitch. That was why Garth was forced to practice nothing but forming a Lantern every day for hours, to raise his speed. It reminded him a bit of a quickdraw competition.


    In a battle between two high level wizards, they would force their way into each other¡¯s zones, struggling for control of the territory between them while hoarding mana in their Lanterns. Garth never won that part of the battle, his Lantern and experience unable to compete with Cass, so he was always casting spells against a headwind, having them unravel even as they flew toward the old man.


    After the leader in the dance was decided, the wizards would then begin trying to probe each other¡¯s weaknesses in a cold, methodical bid to exploit every single one of them.


    Garth got tossed in the air. Suffocated. Blinded. Punched. Outwitted. And all that happened before mind control entered into the equation. Of course enemy wizards were going to use everything they had, so Cass would occasionally worm a spell into Garth¡¯s head from his blind spot, and suddenly winning wasn¡¯t important anymore and practice was stupid, so Garth gave up. Or Cass would be standing right in front of him drinking a lemonade, but for the life of him, Garth couldn¡¯t shoot straight.


    The lessons were aimed to make him constantly monitor himself and mentally prod the squishy bits of his brain for foreign substances at all times. At first the mental constructs had been glaring large lumps in his mind, but they¡¯d been getting smaller and smaller, growing ever more insidious. Garth wasn¡¯t entirely sure he¡¯d gotten rid of all of them, and that was reason enough to keep his guard up. Strangely enough, Cass¡¯s training focused more on overcoming mental manipulation after it was already in place rather than defending against it in the first place.


    ¡®Mind magic is generally considered a win condition.¡¯ He¡¯d said. ¡®But not for me, and not for you. Most people let their guard down once they¡¯re sure they¡¯ve got you by the balls. I¡¯ve killed a lot of powerful archmagi who thought they¡¯d made me a pet.¡¯


    He¡¯d then preceded to make Garth believe he was a little girl for the next three hours, until he¡¯d stumbled across the tiny construct in his mind and instinctively picked it apart. Garth had been in the middle of having Sandi teach him how to brush his teeth when he¡¯d realized he was male, an adult, already knew how to brush his teeth, and was absolutely furious that someone had dicked with his head.


    As the six weeks drew to a close, Garth was finally starting to get somewhere with giving Wilson a body. He¡¯d put a lot of time and effort into creating a core designed specifically to power said body and make it into a vessel capable of housing the construct. Now all he needed was a medium for the lizard to inhabit.


    ***


    ¡°I¡¯m thinking of an Adonis with a huge cock.¡± Wilson said, informing him of his ideal body as Garth put the finishing touches on the core, using a magnifying glass to check his work and obsessively comparing it to his notes, even though his memory was perfect.


    ¡°Gay.¡± Garth didn¡¯t even look away as he wove the custom enchantment together, with inspiration drawn from half a dozen different spells, along with the blueprint for Cass¡¯s little curse-eater stone in Garth¡¯s head. You let a wizard get one look at something and you¡¯ve basically spilled all your secrets.


    Garth wasn¡¯t interested in the curse aspect, or the way it had drawn it in. What he was interested in is how the mana was able to permeate the sphere and become locked inside it. If he could replicate that, he could infuse the core with the essence of the medium they decided to use for Wilson¡¯s body. That plus Magic jar and a few of the plant spells Garth was most familiar with, self-inflicted plant-design, and of course, Garth had insisted on an eject button so Wilson could leave the body at a moment¡¯s notice.


    It was more for Garth than it was for Wilson. He didn¡¯t want a part of himself getting locked in a Mythic core forever, or destroyed, for that matter.


    ¡°You realize whatever body you get is going to be more what you are rather than what you want to be?¡± Garth clarified, searching for flaws.


    ¡°What, like a sex-starved tentacle monster? I think I could swing that.¡±


    ¡°Still talkin¡¯ what you wanna be.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Come on, it¡¯s time to go!¡± Sandi called from outside Garth¡¯s slowly expanding workshop. It was slowly expanding in the sense that it was growing wider as time went by, and that he had been on quite the shopping spree in the last six weeks, and Cass had kicked him out of his own place due to size constraints as tools flooded in.


    Garth took off his lenses, slid his Status Band and Dodder bracelet on, and stood up.


    ¡°Coming!¡± Garth shouted down the hall before sliding on his bandolier full of murder-plant seeds and heading for the door.


    ¡°Is it weird that I¡¯m more nervous about meeting her parents than fighting Harold or possibly having to kill Tyler in another eight weeks?¡± Garth asked. He hadn¡¯t gotten any sleep last night, trying to avoid the day by spending all night working on Wilson¡¯s body.


    ¡°I¡¯m just gonna stay here.¡± Wilson said, huddled on the counter. ¡°You let me know how it went.¡±


    ¡°As if you could.¡± Garth said, picking the lizard and dropping him on his shoulder. ¡°Let¡¯s get this over with.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 61: The In-Laws

    Garth sliced a bit of steak, while the rest of Sandi¡¯s family tore into their prey. Three of Sandi¡¯s sisters had taken the opportunity to visit Earth, and predictably, they all looked exactly the same, right down to the black tank top, low cut jeans and thong.


    In order to avoid sit-com family drama, Garth had immediately bought four different colored ribbons and handed them out. Now all they had to do was keep the damn things on and he wouldn¡¯t accidentally get anyone else pregnant while her family was visiting.


    Her mom, strangely enough, was the only one who looked different. She looked the same as Sandi and her sisters on account of her Lure¡¯s attributes, but quite a bit older, fine lines gathering at the edge of her eyes and where she smiled set her apart from the other succubi.


    Garth found it interesting that Succubi¡¯s Lures aged with them.


    Sandi¡¯s dad was only five foot eight, but he was six feet wide, with six arm-thick tentacles writhing around his body. He had six more thick ones that came out the bottom of his body and were used to walk. He had a long head and tennis-ball sized eyes that looked like they could see in every spectrum.


    He had mottled blue and green skin that was tough, but flexible.


    Unlike what Garth¡¯s worst expectations, her dad wasn¡¯t slimy nor did his limbs flail all over the place, creeping up everything. He was every inch the gentleman, his tentacles tightly controlled and not in anyone¡¯s personal space.


    ¡°What do you think sex is like with those two?¡± Wilson whispered in his ear. ¡°I¡¯m picturing giant squid Vs. sperm whale.¡±


    Garth ignored him.


    Sandi and her sisters were off devouring a live Banta while her mom and dad were taking the opportunity to dine with Garth. Or in other words, interrogate him. Garth tried to pay attention to what they were saying, but it was a difficult proposition with four identical Sandi¡¯s frolicking almost naked in blood.


    ¡°So how did you two meet?¡± her mother said, cutting a thin slice of steak and holding it above her head, where her real body took a dainty bite.


    ¡°She was working as a counter girl at the adventurer¡¯s guild in outpost 3517,¡± Garth said. ¡°She helped me get my first class, and helped me out a lot.¡± Good idea or bad idea to tell them she lost her job because of me?


    ¡°So what¡¯s she doing now?¡± her father said in his bubbly voice. ¡°I only ask because we¡¯re a long way away from outpost 3517.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s part of my adventuring party.¡±


    Sandi¡¯s mom, Ma¡¯ta, gasped, her hand over her lips.


    ¡°We¡¯re not doing the dangerous dungeon delving so much as land reclamation,¡± Simple stuff like moving in and rebuilding after a certain portion of land has been cleared of kipling. My blessing makes me well suited for building infrastructure.¡± Garth painted his M.O. in the most positive light he could think of.


    ¡°Oh, a businessman.¡± Her father, Oopal, said appreciatively. At least Garth thought it was appreciative. He truly hoped that his translations circuit he¡¯d built by copying and improving the complex store-bought one would hold up to this stress-test. He could just imagine the spell going sour at the exact right time for him to challenge her father to trial by combat.


    ¡°Oh my, Sandi always said she¡¯d marry a mighty, muscle-bound adventurer who could sweep her off her feet and take out entire armies by himself,¡± Garth took a drink of water to hide his reaction to the armies comment. He checked most of her boxes at least. Maybe he should work out more. ¡°But it seems like she¡¯s let love guide her rather than childish notions. She¡¯s really grown up a lot since the last time we¡¯ve seen her.¡±


    ¡°Already starting her own family too. To think, she¡¯ll be turning three years old this year! How time flies!¡± Oopal chimed in.


    Garth choked and sprayed water across the table.


    ¡°Dad!¡± one of the identical succubi feasting on the Banta shouted, looking up. Garth spotted a pink ribbon on her wrist. Yep, it was the one he¡¯d knocked up.


    ¡°Okay, okay, she¡¯s twenty-seven. It¡¯s just so much fun to tease the girl¡¯s boyfriends.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t let him tease you too much, dear, he¡¯s just glad she found someone as sweet as you to take care of her. She¡¯s not exactly the brightest child and we always worried for her.¡±


    ¡°Hey!¡± Sandi shouted again, and her sisters clapped her on her shoulder, distracting her with a freshly severed rack of ribs.


    ¡°Oopal talks about your letters for days. It¡¯s the highlight of our week.¡±


    Garth felt his brows raise as he looked back and forth between her and her husband. His letters to her dad had largely been safety briefings on the proper way to mate with a Carnophage Succubus and not get one¡¯s head bitten off. There¡¯d been a little status reports and reassurances that their daughter was fine, but not much more than that.


    ¡°I hadn¡¯t known you enjoyed them that much, or I would have put more effort into them.¡±


    ¡°Oh, if you don¡¯t mind. We love hearing about our daughter¡­ and now grandchildren! We¡¯re positively thrilled!¡± Ma¡¯ta said, taking another bite of steak. It was far too little for her, but she wanted to talk to Garth more than she wanted food at the moment.


    ¡°That should be easy, I suppose.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Dad, we¡¯re out!¡± one of Sandi¡¯s sisters, said, waving her hand to get their attention.


    Sure enough, the Banta had disappeared, leaving only a dark stain on the dusty desert floor outside the outpost. Sandi and her sisters stood there with dissatisfied expressions on their faces.


    The sun had long since set, but the heat had crept into the gazebo Garth had nonchalantly set up for the family picnic, keeping the cold desert night warmer than it should have been.


    ¡°Should¡¯ve known one banta wouldn¡¯t be enough for those gluttons.¡± Oopal muttered.


    ¡°I¡¯ll go buy some more,¡± Garth said, coming to a stand. four more, and¡­one for you, Mrs Oopal?¡±


    ¡°We couldn¡¯t ask you to pay that much to feed our family.¡± Sandi¡¯s mom said.


    ¡°I wanna see if he can come through on his grand show of generosity.¡± Oopal interjected.


    ¡°Believe it or not,¡± Garth said, pulling out some pine seeds and modifying them. ¡°Sandi and I have been doing very well for ourselves on Earth.¡± He levitated the thirteen seeds up and deposited them around their picnic, one in the center, where the modified trees grew up into strange chandelier shapes.


    With another wave of his hand, the tips of the chandeliers burst into flame, fed by the extra thick magical pine sap oozing out. The whole area was bathed in light, making Garth realize how dark it had gotten in the last hour of chatting. With the organic lamps, they should be able to retain the heat and the pleasant mood for another hour or two at least before they made the trip to -Gah- Clarkstown.


    ¡°We can swing a few Banta easily.¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯ll be back in just a couple minutes.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t suppose you could throw in another dozen or so for the trip home?¡± Oopal asked before Ma¡¯ta pinched him. Garth chuckled and activated the flight spell in his Status Band and lifted off the ground, about to head for the outpost when Sandi flagged him down.


    ¡°You want something extra?¡± Garth asked when he noticed her rushing toward him. It occurred to him that he was taking food orders for his girlfriend¡¯s family again, same as five years ago. The menial task lent a sense of normalcy to the otherwise bizarre situation he¡¯d found himself in.


    ¡°No, I want to come with you. There are some keepsakes and Earth specialties I want to buy for my sisters.¡± She lowered her voice. ¡°Honey and Garlic.¡±


    ¡°You sure we should leave them to their own devices?¡± Garth asked, glancing over at the three young and one older succubi who¡¯d clumped up together and begun chatting conspiratorially, throwing glances at him every now and then.


    ¡°Now that they¡¯ve gotten a look at you, they¡¯ll spend the next few hours reaching a consensus about whether or not you¡¯re good enough for me. They¡¯ll be gossiping for the next hour at least. I¡¯ve seen it before.¡± She shrugged, watching them. Her dad grabbed another steak off the tray and began eating it at a slow pace. Garth didn¡¯t know how to read tentacle monster body language, but the man looked¡­tired.


    Sure hope I¡¯m not that exhausted in another twenty seven years. And they said the original Succubi were the only ones to suck vitality out of their prey.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said as he dropped onto Sandi¡¯s real back and stroked her head. ¡°We¡¯ll go together.¡±


    ¡°Whoo!¡± one of her sisters catcalled. ¡°I¡¯ve always wanted a guy to ride me like that!¡±


    Sandi shook her head and headed out, ignoring her sister¡¯s jabs as she took them to the gates of the outpost only a few minutes away. Once they were inside, Garth handed her a ten thousand credit coin and they went their separate ways, planning to meet up at the gate.


    ***


    Garth was leading the five Banta on a rope, using every bit of his superhuman strength to keep the ornery animals in line. He¡¯d thrown in an extra one for Sandi to eat. She¡¯d been quite a bit more voracious than usual, and he expected she¡¯d be hungry again in a couple days.


    Thank Beladia the breeder had been willing to sell the Banta, but he¡¯d practically charged Garth the price of fifteen of them. Garth had swung it, but he was fairly sure the dealer hadn¡¯t been interested in having his stock disappear at a rate of one every two days.


    Sandi had been eating buffalo from the national parks, but when they moved into the city, he¡¯d have to design some kind of meat-plant. Maybe he could have steaks grow on trees.


    ¡°Could you imagine how creepy that would look? The mutant, half-formed creatures budding on the trees? Kiiill meeee¡­¡± Wilson said, clutching his claws to his chest and twitching on his shoulder as they made their way to the front gate.


    Garth sighed. ¡°Thanks for staying quiet while I was talking to Sandi¡¯s parents. For the most part.¡±


    ¡°What are friends for? Speaking of, you think after I get a body you could hook me up with one of Sandi¡¯s sisters?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°How about I take the back while you get the front next time?¡±


    Garth stopped mid-stride and fixed Wilson with a steady glare.


    ¡°Come on! We¡¯re technically the same person! It¡¯d be like using a spell to give Sandi the works. You grab her with your own hand, don¡¯t you? What would be the difference with using the semi-autonomous fragment of your personality gluing your mind together for a little extra fun in the sack?¡±


    ¡°Wow,¡± Garth said, shaking his head as he turned the corner. ¡°I¡¯m not sure¡­I don¡¯t know how comfortable I¡¯d be-¡°


    ¡°Hey!¡± Wilson said, pinching Garth¡¯s cheek and pointing down the street, his hackles up. Garth¡¯s eyes raised, and he felt the hair on his own neck stand up.


    At the front gate stood Sandi, with heavy sacks hanging from her elbows, talking to a sharply dressed man in a white and blue silk outfit. It was loose around the arms and legs, kind of reminding Garth of a fancy karate Gi.


    Mana visibly swirled around the man, hinting at several valuable enchantments studded around his body. One around his neck, waist, both arms, and on his weapon.


    All of that meant he was wealthy and likely dabbled in magic, but it wasn¡¯t what alarmed Garth. It was the long black hair, grey eyes and mouth that seemed to be made for a cruel smile. The man was familiar, and Garth had no idea why, but he trusted his instincts and deactivated his status band, hiding the powerful enchantments.


    ¡°There he is, Hey babe!¡± Sandi said, waving as she spotted Garth leading the team of doomed animals.


    ¡°Oh, I see what you mean, He¡¯s very hard to mistake for another human, that¡¯s true.¡± The man said, looking Garth up and down. Garth felt an instant of lightheadedness.


    ¡°Well, are you two ready to go?¡±


    ¡°Sure am!¡± Garth heard himself say. Of course he was ready to go. An offer to join a clan didn¡¯t come every day, you know. Sandi nodded with a smile and the three of them headed deeper into the outpost, headed toward the Gate.

 Chapter 62: Gate Tag

    Terok was so awesome. He was affable, quick-witted, and genuinely interested in everything Garth had to say, especially if that was Garth¡¯s businesses and where he kept his Mythic Cores.


    Because he was such a good friend, Garth didn¡¯t mind letting him borrow one. The way his face lit up was reward enough.


    The black haired man looked human, but he was from a race of elven hybrids that were very long-lived, which was all he wanted to say about himself, preferring to return the conversation to Garth.


    ¡°Well, as someone who received boosted magic from Beladia along with a plant based class, I realized quickly I¡¯d need to focus on lumber, then farms, and recently I¡¯ve begun expanding the¡­how do you put it¡­luxury plant-based consumables exported from Earth. I¡¯m hoping to produce and distribute root beer, cola, chocolate, as well as vanilla and ice cream years before my brand of cocaine comes under fire from the government. Since the addictiveness has been toned down, I think it¡¯ll last longer, but I don¡¯t want to bet that some stuffy bureaucrats somewhere won¡¯t make it a scapegoat for all the universe¡¯s societal problems.¡±


    ¡°There might be similar products circulating the worlds, so I¡¯m just throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks.¡± Garth shrugged.


    ¡°I see what you mean,¡± Terok said, nodding as they came closer to the Gate. Terok flashed an odd golden badge at the man behind the door. He nodded and opened the way for them to enter the Gate house.


    Inside the house were a dozen young men and women of various races, dressed in white and blue silk, similarly to Terok. There was a lean red-skinned woman, two Corio, an orc, several shinta, some people who looked human like Terok.


    One thing they had in common was they all looked about five or more years younger than Garth. They wore long, straight bladed swords on their waists, softly glowing with magical potency.


    ¡°Welcome back, senior,¡± They said as one, coming to a stiff stand from their relaxed postures, arms behind their backs. Looks like Garth¡¯s new friend commanded a lot of respect.


    ¡°Show me the list.¡± Terok said, and one of his clanmates stepped forward with a notebook. Terok flipped through it again, then nodded. ¡°Nothing¡¯s changed, let¡¯s bring our catch home. It seems like this one will be profitable to the Dan Ui clan.¡±


    He motioned to the conductor, who nodded and pulled a lever that caused a massive shimmering blue field to open up behind the yellow line painted against the wall. The conductor pulled a second lever causing a beam with a red flag and a bell to swing down through the portal, announcing their arrival.


    I wonder what they caught, Garth thought, glancing around the room for a fish or some other game animal, but unable to find one.


    They formed a line and began to march toward the gate, with the dozen warriors following behind Terok, Sandi and Garth. As they approached the blue white shimmering field, Terok glanced over his shoulder, and seemed to spot the succubus for the first time.


    ¡°Oh, we don¡¯t need the Succubus,¡± he said, his eyes flickering over to Garth as one of his followers slid a sword from his sheath and lined it up behind her neck. Garth felt a brief moment of discomfort as the blade rammed home into Sandi¡¯s spine, but it was gone in a fraction of a second.


    Sandi¡¯s Lure coughed once, fell to the ground, flickered for a moment, then disappeared. Her real body toppled to the side and collapsed against the wall, her invisibility undone.


    ¡°Disgusting creatures.¡± Terok muttered, turning back to the Gate and striding forward.


    It¡¯ll sure be nice to join the Dan Ui clan. Garth thought as he strode forward, the motionless creature against the wall beyond his notice.


    Right before he stepped through the gate, he had an errant thought.


    ¡°What should I do with the five Banta?¡±


    ¡°Just leave them.¡±


    This made Garth frown. If he left them, they wouldn¡¯t get to the party in time. Actually, even if he took them and joined the Dan Ui clan, they wouldn¡¯t make it to the party in time. There was no situation where the Banta would make it to the party in time.


    Let¡¯s see, went into town to join the Dan Ui Guild and buy Banta for¡­. Whose party? If I join the guild, that task ceases to have meaning, and why can¡¯t I remember whose party?


    Garth found an inconsistency in his state of mind and picked at it reflexively, following the thread of faulty logic all the way back to a series of nearly invisible little staples hastily clamping his mind into an odd shape, folding some memories closed while implanting others.


    Must be training with the old man, Garth thought foggily as he dismantled the staples. This whole extended trip was a new one to Garth, but he wouldn¡¯t put anything past Cass at this point.


    Garth¡¯s feet must have stopped because the clan member behind him nearly ran into him.


    ¡°Watch it, conscript.¡± The red-skinned woman said, shoving Garth forward.


    Garth was too busy dismantling the staples to pay much attention to her words, stumbling forward, barely able to keep his balance with the last dregs of his concentration.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Terok said, turning to face them less than a foot from the portal.


    And there we go, Garth thought, dismantling the last construct in his mind, the lynch-pin of the entire affair. He half expected to open his eyes and be standing in front of Cass, or maybe drooling alone in the center of the practice yard, with people drawing on him, but none of that happened.


    He was still in the Gatehouse of outpost 3502.


    Garth¡¯s gaze slid to the right, where Sandi¡¯s heavily armored body was breathing shallowly, invisibility broken, her long serrated limbs tucked inward in a fetal position. Rage boiled up in his stomach, turning cold as it surged through his lungs, making him feel like he could spit ice, then dancing behind his eyes, whispering every way to hurt them.


    ¡°Fuck ¡®em up.¡± Wilson said.


    Garth lifted his left hand and a Lantern snapped into place, emptying the room of its magic. Terok¡¯s eyes widened, and he reached for his blade. Rather than cast a spell, Garth stepped forward and slammed a foot into the center of Terok¡¯s chest, propelling the black haired man backward through the portal even as he tried to draw his blade.


    Garth turned and held out his right hand. The dodder bracelet erupted into Garth¡¯s Combat Dodder Mark 318, intercepting the singing blade cleaving toward him and wrapping around the red-skinned woman.


    Her eyes went wide, and she toppled to the ground paralyzed, as the dodder began to eat her.


    The rest of the group unslung their swords and charged. Garth felt a few brief tugs at the edge of his control where some of the clan members tried to form their own Lanterns before giving up and drawing their blades.


    It¡¯s a clan of wizards, Garth thought as he reactivated the spells in his Status Band. Wizards with no compunctions about using mind magic. Since he¡¯d established control of the mana in the room first, the rest of them had no choice but follow his lead in this fight. Unless they run outside and establish a Lantern there.


    There was no way Garth was going to allow them a chance to run away, or win. With a telekinetic wave, the doors at the exit were closed and barred, trapping them all in the same room.


    Five clan members charged Garth, their blades raised, tromping over the red-skinned corpse as they ran. Garth added a surge of magic to the parasitic weed, and caught three more in the clutches of new growth, toppling them to the ground.


    Garth looked away from them and saw only one of the rest charging him. He held up a hand and an ironwood shield burst forward from his dodder-wristband, catching the blade. The orc had a look of astonishment as the shield anchored itself to the ground before shooting forward, slamming him into the wall hard enough to shake the solid stone government building.


    Duck.


    Receiving a sudden impulse from Wilson, Garth crouched out of the way of the fifth man¡¯s strike. A lithe corio had managed to jump with inhuman speed while Garth was distracted and place himself in Garth¡¯s blind spot. Luckily, Wilson was paying attention.


    Roll.


    Garth rolled forward, above the four paralyzed attackers, putting himself out of range of the corio and closer to the remaining seven. The corio hesitated in front of the pile of vine-covered bodies, unwilling to leap over them and share their fate.


    Of the remaining seven, two were trying to unbar the large wooden doors to get enough distance to create lanterns, while the other five were staring dumbfounded, swords held loose in their hands.


    The corio¡¯s hesitation gave Garth time to inject mana into the doors and pull, causing two spikes to break out of the dead wood and spear the escapees in the head. Their bodies slumped against the door.


    One of the clan members fumbled for something in his pocket while the others hesitantly raised their swords, obviously rethinking the importance of dying for their clan.


    Garth slid a little silver cylinder with holes off of his bandolier, and brandished it in front of himself. Smoke began to boil out of it as the modified, shrunken, psychedelic plants began to go through their life cycles and be burnt at an astounding rate.


    Garth guided four-foot thick tunnel of smoke toward them with his telekinesis, and they scattered. With an effort of will, Garth exploded the smoke in that corner of the room, using it to hide more seeds, massive carnivorous plants that would bury foot long spikes laced with poison into the target¡¯s calves before eating them.


    Naturally, the plants weren¡¯t affected by the smoke, but the same wasn¡¯t true for the Dan Ui clansmen. One accidentally breathed in the smoke, and began crying uncontrollably, rocking back and forth against the wall.


    Seeing this, the others raced to leave the room, all four of them falling prey to the venus flytrap cousins he¡¯d engineered.


    Garth glanced over his shoulder at the corio behind the slowly greying corpses wrapped in dodder. The corio paled, turned and jumped through the portal.


    Shit. Garth thought, knees creaking as he began to sprint for the portal. He couldn¡¯t let the bastard tell his clan about Garth, or else he¡¯d most likely be dead along with his entire city in a matter of days.


    Garth broke into a run, the interior of the Gatehouse passing by him as he put his head down and ran. As he approached the Gate, Terok came through, his head turned to the side, presumably looking after the clan member that had just run past him.


    In Terok¡¯s hand was a crystal with a miniature sun encased in it. A portable Lantern maybe? Usable in someone else¡¯s territory? Terok glanced forward again just in time for Garth to catch him with a sucker punch, knocking the wizard aside and plunging through the portal.


    Garth was used to the disorientation from the portals by now, and he hit the ground running. He could feel the humidity on his skin, and he could tell that they weren¡¯t in the desert anymore.


    Ahead of him, just beyond the double doors of the Gatehouse, the corio was sprinting down the hall. Garth whipped a seed down the way, plunging it into the fleeing corio¡¯s back.


    Without looking to see if it had taken the escaping clansman down, Garth wove a Warding spell on the bounds of the portal, linking it to the off switch.


    Garth glanced over at the stunned conductor, and noticed he was wearing the blue and white of the Dan Ui clan.


    Garth grew an Ironwood blade from his bracelet and without further ado, plunged it into the conductor¡¯s chest before yanking out the blade and glancing down the hall.


    The fleeing corio had fallen, so Garth had the vines feeding off of him walk the clansman back to him.


    There was a soft click in Garth¡¯s mana perception as the Warding spell noticed someone crossing the boundary of the portal and shut it down. Please don¡¯t be Sandi. Garth had a sudden burst of worst-case-scenario thinking as he turned to see who it was.


    Luckily, it had worked as planned, and Terok lay on the yellow warning tape, missing a leg and part of an arm, having left them back on Earth.


    Terok gasped in surprise and pain, feebly raising his hand. Garth felt the mana in the room begin to be pulled in towards the wizard, so he stalked forward and kicked him in the face an instant before Terok could create a Lantern and heal himself.


    ¡°A bad day for you, huh? Three sucker punches in a row.¡± Garth asked as he re-established his lantern on the other side of the Gate.


    ¡°Normally I¡¯d tell you to pass on that nobody fucks with my baby-momma and lives, but since discretion is the better part of valor, this never happened.¡± Garth swept down with the ironwood blade, cleaving through the wizard¡¯s upraised wrist, all the way through to his neck, decapitating him.


    Without wasting any time, Garth stored the three bodies in his Status Band, washed up the blood with a thick stream of summoned water, then reopened the portal, set a delayed spell and jumped through.


    Behind the desk, the conductor of the gatehouse was shivering in fright.


    ¡°Please, please,¡± was all the shinta was able to say, raising his hands and watching Garth approach like a bad dream.


    ¡°Sorry about this,¡± Garth said, lopping off the innocent man¡¯s head with a sheet of Ironwood from the squished clan member above him. At least he didn¡¯t see it coming.


    He apologized again to the innocent conductor for murdering him in cold blood, storing him along with the eleven Dan Ui clan members, and every evidence of plant matter in his band, picking up Sandi with Telekinesis and high-tailing it out of there.


    The Outpost law enforcement magicians couldn¡¯t identify the killer without a body.


    All told, the fight had lasted maybe thirty seconds, and it could very well come back to bite him in the ass later.


    Garth¡¯s fancy Status Band took the weight of both spells as they flew over the outpost. Garth tried to listen to Sandi¡¯s heartbeat mid-flight, but didn¡¯t know where to listen. He wasn¡¯t even sure if she was breathing. A Heal spell didn¡¯t seem to evoke any change in her state. Luckily there were people nearby who might know what to do.


    A minute later, Garth descended from the sky, into the softly glowing light of the gazebo where Sandi¡¯s family was waiting for the second course.


    ¡°Can I get some help?¡± Garth asked as he set her down in front of her alarmed sisters and mother. ¡°Sandi¡¯s Lure got destroyed and she passed out.¡±


    ***


    At the Dan Ui minor branch clan house in the fifteenth layer of the Inner Spheres, a delayed spell construct clicked on, changing the address of the last Gate opened in the Gatehouse before lighting the room on fire. Satisfied with its work, the construct dissipated into meaningless unstructured mana.

 Chapter 63: The Other Shoe

    ¡°Alright, now explain what happened,¡± Sandi¡¯s mother said, her arms crossed, a severe look on her face. In the distance, her sisters were fawning over her limp body.


    ¡°I told you, we got attacked by muggers and-¡°


    ¡°Stop. You already fed the girls that line, now you need to tell us what really happened,¡± Ma¡¯ta said.


    ¡°That¡¯s right. Sandi would eat a mugger for breakfast. Literally. And she shows no sign of defending herself. The only conclusion I can draw is someone she trusted did this to her, so unless you¡¯ve got a good reason¡­¡±


    The tentacle monster unfurled his multitudinous arms. Damn, Sandi had fallen pretty far from the tree, her parents were sharp.


    ¡°It was some people from something called the Dan Ui Clan. I think they were trying to kidnap me or something.¡±


    Oopal¡¯s tentacles deflated, falling limp to the ground.


    ¡°Oh man, I wish you hadn¡¯t told me that,¡± he said.


    ¡°Why, are they important?¡±


    ¡°More like image-obsessed bloodthirsty monsters, and I don¡¯t even know who they are.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know who the Dan Ui clan is, there¡¯s tens of thousands of clans in the multiverse, but each and every clan is bad news. If they even think you made them look foolish when you got away from them they¡¯ll track us down and kill all of us. Tell me they made a complete idiot of you and went their own way.¡±


    Decision time, Garth thought as he mapped out his two ideas. Option one, tell them everything, and possibly have them take Sandi away, but be better prepared for the possible repercussions.


    Option two: lie my ass off.


    Garth glanced at them askance. Might as well. He used Polymorph to add some fake bruises to his stomach, arms, and chest, revealing them to Oopal and Ma¡¯ta


    ¡°It¡¯s probably fine, they kicked the shit out of me.¡± Garth said. ¡°If you wouldn¡¯t mind taking Sandi to Clarkstown, I¡¯ve got to go back and grab those Banta, if they¡¯re even still there.¡±


    Garth had to go dump the bodies off, then defile them so thoroughly that magic couldn¡¯t make them spill the beans about who¡¯d killed them. Preferably on another planet.


    Never can be too careful with tracking spells.


    As far as Garth was aware, they probably had stuff that could find out exactly where a person had been¡­not to mention there were a thousand or so eyewitnesses who could place Terok and the rest here tonight.


    ¡°Seems like this has got a good chance of biting you in the ass,¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°No shit.¡±


    Garth flew out of sight of Sandi¡¯s parents and woke Cass up in the middle of the night, nearly getting bisected for his troubles. After explaining the situation and asking for a good planet to dump their corpses, Cass blearily suggested Amaranta city on the planet Iluda before flopping back over in bed and immediately falling back asleep.


    Garth thanked him, set up the portable gate and dropped the corpses off in a smelly back alley of Amaranta.


    From what Garth observed, the city was the perfect level of sleaze and entertainment. Clan members loved to sneak off to the place to indulge in their base desires, and it wasn¡¯t too uncommon for entire groups to go missing. He didn¡¯t need to bother robbing them, hopefully the people living here would pick their belongings clean.


    ¡°Oops,¡± Garth said, having nearly forgotten. He reached into Terok¡¯s vest pocket and pulled out his Mythic Core. ¡°Asshole.¡±


    He wasn¡¯t sure if Terok was just trying to rob him, or if the Dan Ui guild was interested in establishing a trade deal with Earth. Maybe a bit of both. He was pretty sure he was too old to be a new recruit.


    Garth wished he¡¯d gotten a little more information out of the guy before he¡¯d ended him, but it was best not to let people fight for their lives any longer than necessary. To save their lives, people were capable of some pretty heroic shit, and could turn the tide in a matter of seconds.


    Now, to defile the corpses beyond the reach of magic. Garth pulled out a tiny brown pod containing moss spores, and instructed them to turn the bodies into dirt before becoming ash themselves. Garth tossed the pod out, and the moss happily started its work, quickly spreading over the bodies. In a matter of minutes, all that would be left was dirt, ash, and some valuables.


    The valuables wouldn¡¯t stay there long. Not in a place like this.


    Garth looked out at the streets of Amaranta from the alley. Brightly colored lights above distracted from the raw sewage in the streets. Women of every race hung from windows, luring in potential customers, while less-than reputable vendors aggressively sold all manner of vice to richly dressed kids between eighteen and twenty-five.


    Or at least Garth thought that was their age. There weren¡¯t many humans.


    This seems like Tyler¡¯s cup of tea. Garth thought. This might be an excellent hub to distribute Earth¡¯s luxury products from. Namely cocaine.


    Not yet, though. Cocaine wasn¡¯t illegal in the Spheres, and as long as the PR was good, he shouldn¡¯t even think about distributing in a shithole like this.


    Matter of fact, as long as he could capitalize on making the drug a name brand with a squeaky-clean reputation and the backing of multiple government officials who used it to invigorate their work ethic and give them confidence in the face of adversity, everything was golden.


    Garth turned and hopped back through the portal, shutting it after himself before shaking the Polymorph spell out of his skin, allowing it to return to its natural purple. If anyone saw him dumping the bodies, they saw an orc do it, not an outlandishly purple human.


    ***


    ¡°And this is where we make the cocaine.¡± Garth said, showing Sandi¡¯s family around his magical sweatshop. They wanted to stick around and make sure she recovered okay and spend some more time with her before they left. It took three days for a Succubi to recover from severe damage to her Lure, and in that time, Garth was able to show them around the entire place.


    More like he was required to show them around if he ever wanted to see Sandi again. They weren¡¯t going to let him off the hook for her getting hurt anytime soon.


    ¡°Interesting,¡± Oopal said, watching the modified Coca plants drip down into the pan below them. The entire greenhouse was filled with these modified plants slowly sweating a cocaine-rich liquid from their leaves that dripped down into one shared trough that flowed into a barrel outside where it was allowed to evaporate and condense. These trees were Garth¡¯s original babies, but he was probably going to have to replace them when he created a better strain, which wasn¡¯t too far out.


    At the base of their roots was a cactus drawing water for these plants in a symbiotic relationship. If it got too wet, the cactus would stop, too dry, and it would start pumping water again. The hardest work in Garth¡¯s sweatshop was weeding and moving barrels.


    ¡°Once the stuff in the barrel is as thick as brine and starts forming crystals, we take that barrel to be refined into powder and change it out with another.¡± Garth said. ¡°The flavor is awfully bitter, so we have to put it in particularly sweet foods like soda or milk chocolate.¡±


    ¡°Look at that, Ma¡¯ta, Sandi got together with a farmer just like me.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, my dear, can you make a plant sweat?¡±


    ¡°Bah.¡±


    ¡°On the side of the trough here is what looks like a bit of white residue.¡± Garth said, picking up a bit with his finger.


    ¡°This is primarily cocaine.¡± He put a bit on his tongue and winced. A metallic, bitter taste spread through his mouth before it went numb, unable to taste any more. ¡°It doesn¡¯t taste very good.¡±


    Oopal wiped up a bit himself and tried it, wiggling his newly numb tongue inside his beak-like mouth.


    ¡°Lemme show you the other things we¡¯ve got going on.¡±


    Garth showed them to the pot Mothers.


    Rather than devote a massive space to the pot plants, Garth had a small greenhouse where he experimented with the progenitors of each different strain. That way he didn¡¯t have to throw out a massive amount of plants every time he improved one.


    People who were making batches for the day would cut off a branch from whichever strain Garth or Clark had labeled as the mother, then go replicate it by the thousands.


    This place was Clark and Garth¡¯s playground, each trying to outdo the other. Clark used his superior knowledge of pot to engineer strains to be more effective than ever before. Clark¡¯s strains were the ones that they sold.


    Garth on the other hand, spent his time here trying to break the boundary of what a plant could be expected to do. He¡¯d created healing pot, pot that made the smoker literally float, a-la Willie Wonka, pot that flickered in and out of existence. Pot that couldn¡¯t be smoked because it threw up force fields around itself when threatened, and about a dozen other things that were theoretically interesting and possible to apply to different situations, but completely unsellable.


    The first two might have a market after some fixing. Floating was terrifically comfortable, until you got nauseous from spinning, or got fifteen stories above the ground. The healing one¡­ Garth preferred to save that for him and his own.


    Of course, Wilson had insisted on a Panty Dropper strain, and it didn¡¯t disappoint. Garth didn¡¯t want to go into the messy details of the first test with Sandi¡¯s parents, but suffice it to say it had to used responsibly, or else people could wind up accidentally having sex with the wrong person, gender, species, or object.


    It was a hell of a lot of fun while it lasted.


    Garth showed them around their lumber yard where they grew darkwood and shipped it out to the closest five outposts, along with the view of L.A. from the mountaintops.


    Garth¡¯s kipling killing grass was spreading nicely. Every week or two, Samantha would bring some rangers out to L.A. and lure Kipling into the kill-zone. They were already noticing a decrease in the numbers they were able to pull out of the city. Now all he had to do was convince Tyler to go through and clear the place building by building before he tried to stab garth in the back.


    Garth lit up a pipe and practiced his wizard-smoking as he looked down at the city from the mountaintop. At this point, Garth was fairly sure dying of lung cancer was off the table, so he had no problems with smoking weed to pass the time.


    Matter of fact, a lot of the adults of Clarkstown shared the sentiment.


    I should really raise this mountain a thousand feet or two, Garth thought as he made a passable smoke ship float through the air. If he got the mountain high enough, it would create more precipitation, and he might be able to rearrange the rivers to supply water to L.A. directly rather than having to rely on the L.A. aqueduct.


    Note to self, hire a meteorologist. Garth thought, stuffing some mellow into his wooden pipe. He didn¡¯t know the first thing about the weather, only that higher mountains made more water, and raising these particular ones would probably destroy the forests on the other side.


    His plans for the city¡¯s future were a welcome distraction from the idea that somewhere out there, the other shoe was waiting to drop.


    ***


    Dragus Isparia sat crosslegged in his crystal meditation chamber. He¡¯d been casting causality mana in tight packets through the starry quartz tuned to the thinking life in all the spheres. Each softly glowing point in the crystals represented the billions of inhabitants of an entire world.


    He was busily creating a dragnet of seemingly random chance that would expose the location of Castavelle to him. Three months ago, the tiniest blip of activity had alerted Dragus to the archmage¡¯s presence, a nigh imperceptible shift in the mana of the world. Dragus had to review it in his memories several times before he was sure of what it was.


    Someone had purged the timeline and set the world back in time. Who knew how much time had been lost, but it couldn¡¯t have been much and there was only one archmagi who could do such a preposterous thing: Castavelle, the Beggar King.


    Dragus immediately put out every feeler he could, checking multiple planes of existance, but none of them had any idea there had been a change. Castavelle had purged not one plane, but all of them.


    That meant they had been about to kill him, and in only a few measly hours, too. Dragus checked every operation searching for the legendary fugitive, and found them all as cold and unpromising as they had ever been.


    He¡¯d been forced to admit that whatever had happened had been random chance. Somewhere, somehow, the man had gotten incredibly unlucky, but had managed to escape.


    He must be wounded. Tired. Disadvantaged. Altering the timeline oculd not have come easily, and so Dragus redoubled his efforts to find and destroy the longtime nuisance, seeding the planets with events that would bring him to Dragus¡¯s attention.


    ¡°Elder?¡± Kuya, a promising young trainee said, standing politely outside the room.


    ¡°Yes?¡± Dragus asked, stretching out cramps from being seated so long.


    ¡°Terok has been absent a week now, he is presumed dead.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Dragus asked, raising a brow. Terok was a promising student, but over the last few thousand years, promising students came and went. It was hardly a surprise to Dragus. It was the marginally excellent like Terok who seemed to burn themselves out most often, leaving the brilliant and the mediocre.


    ¡°And there was a fire in the branch guild Gatehouse where he¡¯d been expected to return. His master thought there might be foul play at work, and wishes to ask your permission to investigate.¡±


    ¡°Oh really?¡± What an interesting coincidence.


    ¡°Afford his master no less than three squads of our best and retrace Terok¡¯s steps.¡±


    Kuya turned to leave.


    ¡°Oh, and require all of them to wear Beacons. I wish to be kept informed.¡±


    ¡°Yes, elder.¡± Kuya bowed and left.


    Now to see if it was random chance, or if you have finally been delivered to me.

 Chapter 64: Mad Scientist’s Anonymous

    The days rolled by, and there¡¯d been no repercussions yet. Sandi had woken up with a splitting headache, and her Lure had looked a bit like melted wax for the next few days, but there was no permanent damage.


    Business continued as usual, but Garth knew he needed to step up both his personal ass-kicking abilities, and those of the two thousand people of Clarkstown.


    Since he¡¯d put out the advertisement for his little community scrawled on the backs of some five hundred men and women, people had begun to flood in like crazy, and Clark¡¯s apprentices were really starting to be put through their paces, setting up houses or two or four a day, while maintaining and expanding the water supply constantly.


    Right now food was plentiful because they could make it on demand, but sooner or later, people would have to start growing crops the old fashioned way. If this trend was taken to it¡¯s extreme, Garth and every other phytomage would be nothing but a dispenser for food and shelter. That couldn¡¯t last forever.


    They needed to take back L.A. and make farmland out of the surrounding area. California had some good farmland. In order to clear it out faster, Garth decided he¡¯d need to do it himself. He couldn¡¯t wait for Tyler to maybe show up, and he needed more practice. When Garth wasn¡¯t absolutely pissed, he wasn¡¯t quite as good at fighting.


    Upon reviewing his fight with Trenok, Garth had come upon the idea of symbiotic plants. His bracelet with its dodder and ironwood seeds had been helpful, but Garth was constantly irritated with the need to have specific seeds at specific times. Reaching into a bandolier to pull out a specific seed that wasn¡¯t on his bracelet was an extra step that slowed him down the few fractions of a second it would take for another wizard to make his head explode.


    Garth wanted access to the plants he needed instantly, and at all times.


    Garth¡¯s first ideas for symbiotic plants had been shoulder mounted beam cannons, like the predator, or perhaps defensive shielding, but he found himself shying away from anything that physically rooted into him.


    That sounded gross and painful.


    ¡°You ever notice how the bad guys are always the ones who experiment on themselves?¡± Wilson asked.


    Sure enough, every book and movie always made the bad guy weaker somehow for supplementing his natural body, introducing some kind of glaring weakness that the hero could exploit. The media he¡¯d consumed growing up possibly caused Garth to have some unconscious aversion to it as well, but after thinking it over a while, Garth decided to start experimenting with spores. The idea had sparked when he¡¯d used the moss, which reproduced with a spore rather than a true seed.


    If he could create a tiny plant that could cohabitate with his skin and release spores that were akin to stem cells, packed with the information to become any kind of plant, he could use them to create the plants he wanted, literally out of thin air. Garth pictured himself releasing tiny, microscopic cells into the air from his skin, and using them to make his plant spells fire off without any kind of delay, from any angle.


    That sounded like a challenge. Not to mention if he could create the plant, he could give it magical traits similar to the ones he¡¯d created on his pot. A second defensive layer when the plant shielded itself from harm would be welcome.


    That and Garth was still gonna add some bling to his breastbone.


    ¡°Why are you okay with strapping the equivalent of a nuclear battery to your chest but not a plant?¡± Wilson demanded.


    ¡°Because plants grow, spread and move, sending roots deeper and deeper into your flesh!¡± Garth said with a shudder. ¡°What if it¡¯s got some kind of numbing agent, and I forget where it is, and just fucking fall over dead one day!?¡±


    ¡°What if the Mythic core disc poisons you or turns you into some kind of monster?¡± Wilson replied with a shrug.


    ¡°The rat with the mythic core strapped to him is still alive, the one with the prototype symbiote suit plant died in two days!¡±


    Wilson was no longer able to sit on his shoulder, and was now sitting on a stool he¡¯d brought over from the edge of the workshop.


    While Sandi had been asleep, Garth had taken the opportunity to cut a piece of Charlie off and grow it into an enormous sticky plant about the size of a man, some five hundred years of growth packed into an afternoon.


    After that, he¡¯d introduced the enchanted core and sucked the plant into it, turning the whole thing green with red spots. Afterward, he¡¯d spent half an hour convincing Wilson it was safe to get in the core.


    When Wilson had approached the core with the intention to get in, he¡¯d been sucked inside with a brief howl of terror, and for a moment, Garth had become lightheaded, shooting to his feet in alarm.


    A few seconds later, bright green foliage had burst from the core, taking the form of a lizard about the size of a large dog, with bright red dew-covered spines up its back, dark teeth and pale green eyes.


    Wilson¡¯s new body was rather squatter and more aggressive in appearance than he¡¯d looked in Garth¡¯s head. Even though Wilson was disappointed to still be a lizard, he was thrilled to have a real body for the first time, bouncing up and down and knocking things over for the fun of it.


    He¡¯d settled down now, but he still insisted on making passes at Sandi. She took it in good humor, but it made Garth question why he¡¯d ever considered giving him a body in the first place. Unfortunately, as long as Garth found Sandi attractive, Wilson would continue to misbehave.


    Garth took a deep breath and glared at the plant-creature.


    ¡°We¡¯re doing this, okay? I need a get out of jail free card.¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡±


    Garth reached up and adjusted the mirror hanging above him so it gave him a great view of his sternum, then made sure the end table had all the tools he¡¯d need and was well within reach. Great, looks like everything¡¯s ready.


    ¡°Nurse, cocaine.¡± Garth said as he began tracing the black sharpie mark on his skin with a scalpel.


    Wilson leaned forward and sprayed the solution onto the line of flesh with beading blood. The stinging rapidly diminished as the drug¡¯s painkilling effect kicked in.


    ¡°Wipe.¡± Garth paused for a moment to let him mop up the solution before continuing.


    The rest of the room seemed to fall away until the only thing in front of him was his own chest, slowly and methodically being peeled away.


    ¡°cocaine.¡±


    ¡°suction.¡±


    Garth¡¯s voice and the occasional clatter of tools being placed on the tray was the only sound in the workshop usually filled with inane chatter and comparing movie quotes.


    Once Garth got the skin peeled away, next was the painful task of scraping the bone clean, then marking out and creating an eighth inch depression with one of Cass¡¯s little matter-erasers. The cocaine made it far more bearable, as well as giving him a contact high that kept him awake and focused.


    There was only enough room in his chest for four spell discs, so Garth carefully fitted the three defensive discs in his breastbone, and was about to start seating his newest creation, the teleportation disc, when Cass barged through the door with a beer in his hand.


    ¡°There you are, did you know you¡¯re late for¡­¡± He took in the scene, his lips pursed. ¡°Ah.¡±


    ¡°So what prompted this?¡± Cass asked, pulling up a chair and slouching in front of Garth. ¡°Seems extreme.¡±


    ¡°I was hoping it would seem like I was a guy that was serious about living. And you do know I almost died a few days ago right?¡±


    Garth grabbed the little circle of stiff paper, and dipped it in ink before carefully pressing it onto his breastbone, making a clean guideline for him to follow.


    ¡°Fair enough.¡± Cassius said, nodding. ¡°I used to dabble in stuff like that before I started jumping around from body to body and it got to be too much of a hassle for too little return.¡±


    ¡°How long have you been jumping around?¡±


    ¡°Long time.¡±


    Garth winced as the pain started to come back.


    ¡°Wilson, could I get another-¡° The lizard, already used to the routine, had Garth sprayed with the cocaine solution before he could finish speaking. ¡°Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Well, once you finish up, you¡¯re due outside for another lesson.¡± Cass stood and was about to leave when a thought occurred to Garth.


    ¡°Is it possible to cut a god off from their apostles?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Cass asked with a frown.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t been visited by Beladia since the dungeon cores fell. Does that have any relation?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± He sat back down and thought about it a moment, his jaw on his chin, brows furrowed in concentration.


    ¡°The only one who could cut Beladia off from all her apostles would be another god. If that had happened, I would have heard about it.¡± Cass gave him a blank stare for a moment, then nodded. ¡°Yep, some of my Beladia worshipping friends say they¡¯re still in contact with her, which brings me to the only other people who could do that. Me and people like me.¡±


    ¡°But why me specifically?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°I dunno.¡± Cass shrugged. ¡°I assume because something sleazy was going down on Earth nearby and they didn¡¯t want you tattling to mommy B. If you want to reestablish your connection, you can go to one of her temples, and maybe even choose a second patron if your war contribution is high enough.¡±


    ¡°I destroyed the scroll with my information.¡± Garth said. It might not be any skin off his back if he never spoke to Beladia again, but something told him it would be a good idea to get back in touch with her, unfortunately he¡¯d destroyed the only way the Inner Spheres kept track of him.


    ¡°They¡¯re freakin¡¯ gods, man. They¡¯d keep score even if the entire universe was burnt to the ground. Your scroll doesn¡¯t mean shit to them.¡± Cass picked up the teleportation disc and began idly inspecting it, turning the studded Mythic core slice over in his hands.


    ¡°What do you think?¡±


    ¡°I think you basically strapped a jet-engine to a go-kart. Amateurish at best. You could have made the engraving much smaller allowing for more complexity without losing an ounce of power.¡±


    ¡°Excellent.¡± Garth said, snatching it away from Cass¡¯s fingers. He¡¯d long since learned to interpret the man¡¯s opinion on anything not made by him. At the lowest rung was ¡®abysmal suicide machine¡¯, followed by ¡®finger painting¡¯, then ¡®amateurish¡¯. Garth hadn¡¯t gotten any assessment higher than that, but he suspected that ¡®amateurish¡¯ might pass as quite good in most other circles.


    Garth inspected the teleportation disc between his thumb and forefinger. The thing was densely packed with tiny engravings, studded with rare metals, and included a powerful mana capacitor scavenged from the portable Gate, hanging off it awkwardly.


    Garth wasn¡¯t sure it was called a mana capacitor, but that¡¯s what it did. Teleportation was a notoriously difficult proposition, and it was similarly very mana intensive to tear open a Gate. Enter the mana capacitor, which stored excess mana in a tightly compressed form and shot it out all at once on demand.


    It would increase the range of his teleportation disc from a hundred yards to a hundred miles, and with a Mythic core helping recharge it, he¡¯d be able to jump every ten seconds or so. If only it wasn¡¯t so clunky.


    Cass grunted, then leaned forward to inspect Garth¡¯s setup.


    ¡°Whatcha got?¡± he said.


    ¡°Protection for my body,¡± Garth tapped the top disc. ¡°Protection for my mind.¡± he tapped the second one. ¡°A backup mana battery in case I lose a quickdraw.¡± He tapped the third. ¡°And teleportation to get the hell out of dodge when that happens.¡±


    ¡°Sounds to me like you¡¯re planning on getting your ass kicked and running away, rather than planning on winning the fight.¡±


    Garth cocked his head to the side. ¡°Never thought of it like that.¡±


    Cass chuckled and picked up one of Garth¡¯s drafting pencils, writing something down on the paper.


    ¡°There¡¯s the address to one of Beladia¡¯s temples that takes its job more seriously. Some of her temples can be a bit¡­.eeeh..wishy-washy. She¡¯s not the goddess of taking care of business, after all. The people at this one won¡¯t try to get in your pants or make you sit around for milk and cookies, or babysit, or help in the garden for hours on end.¡± He set the pen down when he was done and glanced at Garth.


    ¡°Once you¡¯re done, hurry up and come receive your lesson.¡±


    Wilson was staring at the dead rat in the corner of the room as Cass walked out.


    ¡°I think the problem was interference with skin¡¯s natural functions. Think we could use a microscope with Plant Analysis?¡±


    Garth hadn¡¯t tried inspecting a single spore before. Mostly because he couldn¡¯t physically see them.


    ¡°That might work.¡± he said, socketing the teleportation disc in the exposed bone. Garth made sure the enchantments were secure before applying a healing solution and carefully reapplying the flap of skin to his chest, making sure there were no air bubbles. It reminded him of putting a screen protector on a new phone, only in this case, air bubbles could cause health problems.


    About half an hour later, Garth¡¯s skin was settled to his satisfaction, and with a few applications of the Heal spell, the ache was gone completely. He rubbed his chest and could barely make out the difference. There wasn¡¯t even a scar, which was excellent.


    Garth levered himself out of the bed and started getting dressed, still a little buzzed from repeated applications of coke straight to an open wound.


    ¡°Nurse.¡±


    ¡°Doctor.¡±


    Garth strapped his Status band back on, and checked his Abilities for the first time in a while.


    Garth Daniels


    Human-ish


    ????


    Apostle of Beladia


    -Strength- 20+10


    -Endurance- 20+10


    -Speed- 20+10


    -Intelligence- 40+10


    -Memory- 35+10


    -Senses- 35+10


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility.


    Class: Neophyte Phytomagus


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting*NEW, Divine Lantern Style *NEW


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind*NEW


    Divine Lantern Style? Garth thought with a smirk as the information flooded his mind. My kung-fu is unbeatable.


    He¡¯d unlocked another evolution without knowing about it, probably an intentional result of Cass dicking around in his head so much, but the thing that bothered him the most wasn¡¯t any of the new stuff. It was actually the odd uniformity of his statistics. The only way things all lined up perfectly like that was when they¡¯d been maxed out. That was, assuming the maximum for everything was the same, which didn¡¯t make sense, when you thought about it.


    If that was the case it seemed like max growth amounts might be dictated by class and specialization.


    Garth picked up the paper, memorized the address then burned it, heading for the practice ring in the evening sun. After Garth cleared L.A. he could visit the temple. It would be tough getting there without the portable Gate, but he was happy with the trade.

 Chapter 65: Clear Smarter, not Harder

    ¡°This feels weird.¡± Garth said as the Kipling gnawed on his forearm. The rabid, drooling monster that used to be a woman had clamped down on his arm with her inhumanly long jaw and was trying to saw it off with a rocking and tugging motion. It reminded him a bit of a dog with a rope toy, or perhaps more like a Komodo Dragon.


    Garth¡¯s skin hardened underneath the assault, turning a light brownish purple, stiffening only in response to pressures that would cause him external or internal injury, working equally well against stabs and bludgeoning.


    He could see his skin in her mouth, but he couldn¡¯t really feel it, just the tugging and the pressure from her teeth. This must be what it¡¯s like to have a non-newtonian fluid for blood. So far the Bark Skin enchantment buried in his chest opposite a healing spell, had made him, for a lack of a better word, ¡®tough as shit¡¯.


    Garth had figured L.A. would be a good place to do some test runs of his equipment, so he¡¯d dropped his force armor and warded off the first kipling to attack with his arms. As long as he still had the limb by the time he made it back, he should be fine. Thankfully it didn¡¯t come to reattaching severed limbs, or even sealing minor cuts.


    The kipling¡¯s teeth couldn¡¯t even penetrate his last line of defense, let alone the redundant Force Armor enchanted into his Status Band.


    Excellent.


    That made him feel a lot better about bringing an expectant mother out on a hunting trip wearing a bit of protective gear he¡¯d made for her.


    Garth didn¡¯t want to fall into the trope where he enforced punitive levels of bed rest on Sandi and basically locked her in his cave until she gave birth to his progeny, as was typically the first instinct a man had when a woman became pregnant with his children. That and Garth was fairly sure the universe would conspire to have her murdered while he was away, so he was keeping her where he could see her.


    That makes sense, right?


    Yep, Garth was of the opinion that a bit of warm sun, ocean breeze, and exercise murdering Kipling would be good for her. She wasn¡¯t that pregnant. Garth still had a good¡­


    ¡°What¡¯s the gestation time of a succubus?¡± Garth asked, snapping the Kipling¡¯s neck and stepping away from the falling corpse.


    ¡°About fifteen months, Earth time,¡± Sandi said. She glanced at a pale monster charging at them, drool spattering the ground beneath it.


    Garth saw a flicker of movement as her real body cleaved it in half with one of her forelimbs, making him wonder if his new implants made making out with her a safer proposition.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s a while. I expected it to be a little longer on account of your race¡¯s size, but man¡­¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°Just keep trucking I guess. The good news was that Sandi wouldn¡¯t be hugely pregnant any time soon, the bad news was that there was that much more time for shit to go wrong.


    That and he had to feed her the whole time.


    ¡°Can you eat veggies?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not my favorite,¡± Sandi said with a shrug as she ate the Kipling. ¡°But yes.¡±


    ¡°Giant avacados maybe?¡± Wilson supplied, walking beside them.


    ¡°Protein,¡± Garth said, tapping his nose.


    So far the lizard hadn¡¯t put his three foot tall, four foot long, hundred ten pound body to any perceivable use fighting baddies, but he was glad that other people could hear the lizard speak now. It reminded him of a joke where you put a Bluetooth on the ear of crazy people who talk to themselves. Now that people had context, he was sure he was going to get a lot less weird looks, and that suited Garth just fine.


    Their aim was to clear out as much of L.A. they could in a single trip, and Garth intended to work smarter, not harder. Tyler¡¯s crew and Samantha¡¯s rangers carefully cleared swaths of the city, but the kipling had simply spread out again, claiming emptied territory as their own, settling like grease in the bottom of a pan.


    When there were millions of them, they needed a little more forethought in how they approached the problem.


    Behind Garth, his anti-kipling grass followed, spreading through the streets behind him at a jogging pace, neatly bisecting the city. Let¡¯s see them spread through death-grass. Garth thought.


    The first thing he wanted to do was find a dungeon and threaten to destroy it. That really drove the pale monsters up the wall. Nobody else had attempted it, on account of not wanting to die overwhelmed by a tide of man-eaters, but Garth was fairly confident he could handle it.


    The second thing was use Plant growth to rapidly grow the grass to divide the newly emptied city into small, easily cleared chunks that wouldn¡¯t refill on account of Kipling being unable to traverse the grass without dying.


    Simple stuff.


    He, Wilson, and Sandi walked through the empty streets, making their way to where he had spotted a dungeon from the mountainside, navigating the streets with a mental map.


    Itet wasn¡¯t coming because she¡¯d gone home.


    The insect warrior had told Garth that she had learned everything she wanted to know about being a ¡®Scum-bag¡¯ and was going to return to her hive for the queening ceremony.


    She¡¯d wished him well, told him they¡¯d probably never see each other again, strapped on her gear and made for the outpost.


    Anti-climactic, maybe, but life tended that way.


    Or maybe the extraordinary becomes ordinary too easily? Garth thought as a sheet of ironwood bisected a leaping Kipling. Nah.


    When they finally go to the dungeon, they found a dark cave that seemed like the rock surrounding it had grown up out of the ground, pushing aside the charred buildings that had been surrounding the core¡¯s landing zone.


    Oddly enough, this was the first time Garth had ever considered going dungeon diving, and he was a little excited to see what was in the cave.


    ¡°Okay, give me the run-down on how dungeons work, Guild receptionist.¡± Garth said as they stood outside of the enclose stone doorway.


    ¡°I don¡¯t personally know all the rules, but I can give you the script.¡± Sandi said, sitting on the hood of a nearby Jaguar.


    Garth felt a toss-up between making her look like the girl in White Snake¡¯s video or going back to good old Sexy Librarian while he absorbed the lecture.


    ¡°Go with the classics.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°They¡¯re both Classics.¡±


    ¡°You know which one you want.¡±


    Big Hair felt a little unprofessional. Maybe it was a boring choice to some, but Garth opted for Sexy Librarian again


    ¡°What are you talking about?¡±


    ¡°¡¯sfine,¡± Garth said, waving his hand as Sandi¡¯s Lure morphed into the aforementioned brunette, cleavage nearly bursting out of her suit jacket.


    ¡°Anyway, dungeons grow and change as they get older, they get both harder to remove, and more valuable to keep around, making it easy to be tempted to let them go too long and get out of hand. As they age, some dungeons gain reality warping abilities to further hinder people from destroying them. For example, there was a dungeon once that men physically couldn¡¯t enter, and another where people couldn¡¯t leave until the dungeon was destroyed, making it rather difficult to remove.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll bet.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°The treasure inside consists of the heartstones of the monsters, who appear out of thin air, conjured by the core itself. These are valuable, but not uncommon, unless an aberrant monster appears.¡±


    ¡°The other treasure is valuables spawned by the dungeon itself as a means of bribing adventurers into sparing the core long enough for it to accomplish its task, and sometimes, a mutant dungeon will grow mithril, orichalcum, or gold in its walls that can be mined. These mines are more carefully tended, and artificially made easier to destroy, so that they can enjoy a longer work life.¡±


    ¡°Now I¡¯m pumped,¡± Garth said, rubbing his hands together. Who knew what kind of treasures would await them in the dungeon?


    Unfortunately, the only creatures inside were some kind of mutated sand-flea. Cool to look at, but ultimately not a threat. There was no treasure at all in the dirt-cave. Garth dragged his finger through the walls, and didn¡¯t see any specks of glittering metal. Not a mutated dungeon core either.


    ¡°It¡¯s only a couple months old, what did you expect?¡± Sandi asked quietly as they stalked through the cave, keeping their guard up just in case.


    The dungeon took up a single floor, and there were hardly any twists before Garth found the core, a beige, pearl-looking thing sitting on a pedestal at the end of the tunnel. There was a slightly bigger sand-flea in the room, and it jumped at them, its legs wriggling aggressively.


    Sandi squished it, then Garth went to the Core and picked it up.


    According to Sandi, the core wouldn¡¯t detach from the earth until you pulled it all the way out of the extra-dimensional borehole (dungeon) that it was drilling. It was all a bit disappointing, but maybe a few years from now, he could revisit the dungeons.


    Whistling, Garth walked back to the entrance of the dungeon with the core in his hand. It was a simple hundred foot walk, but he stopped just inside the entrance when he felt the inexplicable resistance from the core as it tried to remain in its dungeon.


    According to what Garth had pieced together, the Kipling were symbiotically linked with the dungeon cores, allowing them to spread far and wide across realities since time immemorial. So they should be a little offended when he destroyed one of them, right?


    Garth cast Clarion Call, breathing mana in and projecting it out with his voice, amplifying the volume and delivering its message straight to the listener¡¯s brains.


    ¡°Listen up you primitive sharkheads, I¡¯m about to destroy one of your dungeons! Then I¡¯m gonna break another, and another, until there¡¯s nothing left in the city to spread your taint across the multiverse! Whaddya think about that?¡±


    Garth¡¯s voice shook the entrance of the cave, dropping small rocks and little chunks of dirt on his shoulders. The message itself burst throughout the city, then bounced off the mountains, coming back to Garth as a faint echo.


    Garth cocked his head to the side and listened. Nothing. Maybe they need some motivation. He wasn¡¯t above destroying a dungeon or two if it helped him clear the city and get it up and running in a timely manner.


    Garth yanked the dungeon core forward, and the slight resistance became a thrumming pressure that pulled back, trying to force the fist sized orb out of his hand.


    In the distance, wails of anger rose up, so numerous that Garth had trouble telling how many there were, or where they came from. The whole city seemed to have been strummed like an electric guitar straight out of Satan¡¯s rec room, and the vibration flooded back in through the cave.


    ¡°Looks like that did it.¡± Garth said with a grin.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 66: Punching Up

    Garth let go of the dungeon core, and it sprang back down the hole like it had been shot from a sling, hitting the ground and tumbling deeper into the cave. Garth kept his ear cocked toward the entrance, and he could tell that the kipling were still coming.


    Garth¡¯s plan wasn¡¯t particularly fair or exciting, but it didn¡¯t have to be exciting to be efficient. In fact the two were often mutually exclusive.


    Garth turned on the enchantments in his Status band, and picked up Sandi.


    ¡°Whoah, hey!¡± She shouted, squirming a bit as her real body was lifted into the air by soft telekinetic hands.


    ¡°Just returning the favor,¡± Garth said before floating out the entrance to the cave and up a hundred feet above it, out of the reach of the feral kipling.


    In every direction, kipling flooded the streets, rushing the dungeon. The ones following the path of murdergrass Garth had seeded slowed, stumbled, and fell, before asphyxiating.


    The rest of them swarmed the dungeon, half of them piling into it, while the rest clumped into a writhing ball of pale skin and sharp teeth, crawling on top of each other to get a little bit closer to Garth.


    Plant Growth


    Let¡¯s make it about as wide across as a football field, that should be plenty to get all of them when they decide to flee. Garth directed the grass to fold around the kipling, and in their mindless scrabbling, they failed to notice the single organism, slightly psychic poisonous grass encircling their herd.


    Herd. I wonder what a group of kipling is called. Maybe buttload? Maybe Wilson will have a better idea-


    Garth¡¯s train of thought ended abruptly as he realized that he had not picked up Wilson.


    ¡°I¡¯m good,¡± Wilson called from Sandi¡¯s back. ¡°How about a Merger? A bunch of white people eating you alive? Take a word back from corporate America and make it mean something equally horrifying.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, I forgot you can¡¯t apparate any more.¡±


    ¡°No problem, I can literally read your mind so I wasn¡¯t surprised.¡± Wilson said, petting Sandi¡¯s head in a way that Garth wasn¡¯t entirely happy about. In response to that thought, the lizard¡¯s grin got wider.


    ¡°We¡¯re going to have to talk about consequences.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Garth?¡± Sandi said, her Lure clutching to Garth¡¯s waist for dear life.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Get me down!¡± Sandi was staring down at the ground eleven-ish stories below them with a horrified expression.


    ¡°Okay, lemme just¡­¡± Garth said, fluffing up the encirclement a little to make sure all the assembled kipling were doomed before they began to slowly descend the way they¡¯d come, back along the kipling studded grass. Any of the monsters that tried to follow him suffered an ignoble death before being slowly devoured by grass.


    They made great fertilizer, come to think of it.


    ¡°Wait,¡± Sandi said, tugging on his collar. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    Garth drew his gaze up from the grass filled street ahead of him to the group of maybe fifty ragged survivors that seemed to have run straight out of a Mad Max movie about four blocks ahead and a street over. They had guns on their waists, but they were using impromptu melee weapons to stay as quiet as possible as they left the shopping mall, the women and children pushing carts full of raided cans of food. The sudden rush of kipling must have spooked them out of their hiding spot.


    ¡°Thought most of the people in L.A. would have starved to death the next evening. Guess not.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°Do they not have any farms in L.A.?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s because most of them were already starving themselves to try and look more attractive. Well, some of them.¡± Garth admitted they might have just been being mean.


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t make any sense.¡± Sandi frowned, watching the people cautiously making their way down the streets in a tight knot, weapons forming a bristling urchin shape as they crowded together.


    ¡°If you¡¯d seen America before the apocalypse, you¡¯d understand,¡± Garth said. ¡°Now we should probably go down there and ask if they¡¯ve heard the good news about our lord and savior, Beladia.¡± Beladia was pretty much the best god to worship, in Garth¡¯s opinion, and that wasn¡¯t even including the free sex.


    ¡°That¡¯s in poor taste,¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°You¡¯re a psychic manifestation of poor taste, don¡¯t give me shit,¡± Garth said as they swooped down on the survivors.


    Just as Garth was wondering how to break the ice with the hardened survivors and whether or not he could survive a bullet through the eye, a solution presented itself.


    At the end of the street, a group of uniformed shinta came around the street, stopping the humans in their tracks.


    The shinta were wearing gold and red robes and armor with odd wiggly patterns inscribed on their lapels, and trailing ribbons that came from the hems of their shirts. It was an interesting asthetic, to be sure, but Garth found himself apprehensive at the sight of uniforms.


    More uniforms. Now he had to figure out if it was the Inner Sphere Military, or a clan, and deal with it accordingly.


    ¡°Humans, you are now the property of the Bin Gne clan!¡± the leading shinta cried, his voice laced with mana that seeped into the assembled survivors and forced them to kneel in despair. He looked middle aged for a shinta. Not as muscley as Kenra, but definitely not a slender youngling. No gray in his fur, either.


    ¡°Well, I guess that answers that question,¡± Garth said before motioning to Wilson. ¡°Here boy.¡± Wilson scowled, but jumped into Garth¡¯s arms, the sticky lizard wriggling to get comfortable.


    ¡°Sandi,¡± Garth whispered into her ear. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go see if I can bribe them to let those humans off the hook, you wait on the top of that building. If I need a little help, feel free to step in, but if I¡¯m getting the shit kicked out of me, just run and get help, okay?¡±


    Sandi nodded, and he lowered his man-eating expectant backup to the top of a nearby building overlooking the confrontation.


    ¡°Round them up,¡± the leader said, Casually pointing at the aimlessly staring group of survivors,


    ¡°Stop!¡± Garth said, lacing his intent into his voice with mana, forcing a temporary pause in their movements. The shinta looked up as Garth fell down to earth with Wilson beside him, lighting his pipe and taking a puff as he landed between the survivors and the slaving guild.


    Once Garth got to ground level, he had to take another draw on the pipe to cover his nerves at seeing a fully armed group of clan members in front of him. They looked a bit like tabletop figurines from a hundred feet above, but standing face to face, the warriors looked like they weighed five hundred pounds apiece and could snap his spine with a single gloved fist.


    The enchantments spread across the five-hundred man unit made the surrounding mana whirl and twist chaotically, causing Garth¡¯s eyes to tear up a bit as he looked at them.


    On the other hand, Garth could tell that they were taking him seriously too, the mage glanced at his Status Band, the powerful enchanted discs creating a potent whorl of mana around his left arm as he floated to the ground.


    Garth noted that his enchantments circulated mana quite a bit faster than theirs. That meant they could surmise from a glance that Garth was wearing enchanted Mythic Core, and hopefully believed him to be too.


    Luckily the layer of skin deadened their senses when it came to the stuff in his chest, so he still had a get out of jail free card. Why does living material cover mana flow better than non-living, anyway?


    Garth brushed aside the thought as he exhaled, keeping a schooled expression of indifference. At least according to their uniforms, they probably weren¡¯t looking for Terok. Garth was starting on neutral territory, hopefully.


    The ringing of drawing blades made Garth think maybe he wasn¡¯t going to get it that easy.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± The leader spoke.


    ¡°I¡¯m just a passing philanthropist, looking to do a good deed for my species.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve heard about the new drug spreading through the Inner Spheres from Earth?¡±


    The leader nodded.


    ¡°I¡¯ll give you five pounds of cocaine for each human here.¡± Garth said. ¡°That¡¯s a pretty good profit, and hey, nobody says I¡¯m going to be watching you for the rest of your life. Once we part ways, you¡¯re free to find another group and enslave them. I just want to save the people I can see.¡±


    The Shinta¡¯s eyes narrowed as he considered Garth¡¯s proposal.


    ¡°And you,¡± He said, pointing to Garth. ¡°Are you human?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a purple peeple-eater.¡± Garth said with a straight face.


    ¡°I see.¡± The shinta rubbed his chin. ¡°And are you a citizen?¡±


    Crap, Garth thought. He quickly snapped off a mental email to governor Kine, Garth¡¯s first contact on the Inner sphere¡¯s bureaucracy higher than a mailman. To be fair, leader of a city wasn¡¯t that high either, considering the scope of the Inner Spheres, but Garth took what he could get.


    Kine,


    Tell your powder buddies they got me de-enlisted if anyone asks.


    Love, Garth.


    P.S. how are the kids? I know your oldest, Tomi wants to get in the business, but you should steer him toward peddling chocolate or vanilla. The money will be almost as good, and there¡¯s significantly less chance of somebody breaking his kneecaps, you know what I mean? That and the government might outlaw it at some point and that wouldn¡¯t be good for him.


    And has Tyler touched off with you on Jindar yet? I haven¡¯t heard from him. It¡¯s pretty normal for him to leave me in the dark, so I¡¯m just trying to get an estimate on when I can expect him back.


    Anyway, I should sign off on this letter, since this shinta¡¯s glaring at me kinda funny. Oh, shit, did I write that?-


    Garth finished the letter and sent it out.


    ¡°Noooo¡­¡± Garth said. ¡°I was exempted from the draft by friends I made in the inner spheres during my tour. I might not be a citizen, but I¡¯ve got more pull than an average one, that¡¯s for sure.


    ¡°So you¡¯re telling me you¡¯re not a citizen.¡± The shinta said.


    ¡°I know what you¡¯re thinking,¡± Garth said, sighing a cloud of smoke. ¡°You¡¯re thinking hey, let¡¯s kidnap this successful people-eater and steal the rights to his business because he doesn¡¯t technically own them, according to the letter of the law. Then we can gank him and say whatever we want.¡±


    ¡°I want to stop you right there,¡± Garth said, taking another deep breath from his pipe. ¡°Because if you tried that, you would lose more than you hope to gain, trust me. I¡¯ve got friends in high places. A planetary senator, a few governors.¡±


    These people weren¡¯t technically friends, just people who enjoyed the boost in performance and confidence in their public speaking. They might not even know Garth existed, since Kine probably wanted to keep himself the only channel through which cocaine flowed into the government.


    Sooner or later, one of the politicians would come snooping around Earth, looking for a better deal, and Garth would welcome them. Nothing like a little healthy competition to energize the workforce.


    ¡°The Elder did not tell us to bring home money, drugs, or influence with petty bureaucrats. She told us to bring humans, end of discussion. I will not underperform my mission for the sake of a momentary gain. Leave now, purple peeple-eater, or the Bin Gne clan will banish your soul to the abyss.¡±


    Garth took a deep draw of his pipe, mixing hallucinogenic smoke with it on the exhale. A cloud was starting to form over their heads, waiting for Garth to send it down.


    ¡°Look, I don¡¯t¡­I don¡¯t want to make an enemy of any clans I don¡¯t have to. Is there anything I could do to convince you to look the other way?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± The lead mage raised his hand and the mana in the area was emptied out.


    It was on.


    All the enchantments fizzled in the twenty foot radius surrounding the guy. Garth was standing inside that radius, and all the hairs on his neck stood up as he felt the mana he had become so comfortable using escape his grasp. Wilson didn¡¯t look so good either. The plant lizard wasn¡¯t moving from his spot.


    ¡°Capture him.¡±


    ¡°Eep!¡± Garth lunged backward, aiming for the outside of the mage¡¯s area. Unfortunately, the man seemed like he¡¯d had a fair amount of experience dealing with other wizards as he matched Garth¡¯s pace, keeping him locked inside the mana void.


    The first row of Shinta soldiers followed their leader.


    Faster than Garth could follow, one of the warriors charged forward. When he wound back for a strike on Garth¡¯s face, he took Garth¡¯s hasty defense as an opportunity to kick Garth¡¯s legs out from under him, deliberately keeping him inside the area of the mage¡¯s Lantern. As Garth was falling, another strike came down from above, slamming him brutally a couple inches into the concrete.


    ¡°Ow.¡± It hurt more than it should have, because his Endurance was ten lower than it should have been. Hopefully he hadn¡¯t drained his little emergency battery with the Bark Skin.


    The rest of the soldiers spread out like outfielders, aiming to prevent his escape.


    ¡°Guess you guys have had some practice at this.¡± Garth moaned.


    Please, please, pleeeeease work. Garth prayed, looking up at the sky and the scowling shinta warrior standing directly over him.


    Garth triggered the teleporter in his chest, drawing a sudden surge of mana out of the battery and the capacitor.


    The shinta leering over him disappeared, leaving only the blue sky above as Garth¡¯s prone form vanished, appearing a hundred feet above them. Hah Hah!


    He heard them begin to shout as all Garth¡¯s gear turned on again, humming with power. With an effort of will, Garth set up his own Lantern, with a radius of a measly twelve feet, allowing his enchantments to draw power through his wrist and keep him afloat.


    Hmm¡­that guy is going to be a problem. Garth thought, orienting himself and looking down at the red and gold uniformed figures below him. Garth would be on the defensive the entire fight, from what he knew about fighting other spellslingers. It would be very hard to make contact with anything composed of mana unless he was standing nose-to-nose with the guy and Garth didn¡¯t think that was a good idea.


    Hallucinogenic smoke wasn¡¯t made of mana after it was created, though.


    Garth grabbed the cloud of smoke he¡¯d left hanging over their heads and pushed it down. The leader and the first row were smack dab in the middle of the cloud. Rather than oblige him and breath in, they scattered in every direction. The mage must have seen where the thread of mana pushing the air had come from, because he craned his neck up before launching into the air to confront Garth personally.


    He pushed forward, and Garth pulled back, aiming to keep their areas separate. If this guy was stronger than him, it made no sense to get into a magical arm-wrestling contest. They kept at it like that for only a few moments of them pirouetting through the sky before the shinta realized he couldn¡¯t keep up with the speed of Garth¡¯s enchantment, and he stopped trying to close the distance.


    In the meantime, Garth tried to use telekinesis to grab and throw anything he could from the ground. Rocks, bricks, unattended swords.


    The first two bounced off the man¡¯s Force Shield with no effect. The last one got a rise out of him, causing the wizard to visibly flinch as the blade sang through the air toward him, breaking through his shield and missing him by inches.


    The shinta mage caught the sword with telekinesis and gave Garth an angry glare.


    ¡°Crap.¡±


    ¡°Who taught you that technique?¡± the shinta mage asked, his eyes narrowed as he studied Garth clutching his Lantern tightly to his chest. ¡°Who would teach a human the proper way to fight?¡±


    ¡°The Fraggles.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I see, then we shall have to investigate these Fraggles and enforce punitive measures on them for teaching such things to non-citizens.¡±


    Garth giggled, chortling in mid-air. ¡°You¡¯re gonna take punitive actions against the Fraggles? Good luck finding them.¡±


    The Shinta mage responded with a fastball of gleaming steel. The sword came back, spinning so fast that it buzzed, reinforced with several layers of densely packed mana.


    Some of the mana dissolved as it went through Garth¡¯s area, but only twelve feet of mana void wasn¡¯t enough to strip all of it. Garth put up a Force shield, but it shattered, sloughing off a bit more of the mana.


    The blade broke through the Force armor enchantment and buried itself halfway through Garth¡¯s torso, treating his Bark Skin like¡­regular skin. The momentum in the blade and the distraction of being semi-bisected brought Garth crashing to the ground. It hurt a little less this time.


    Garth impacted against the brick walls of a sun-bleached building and tumbled to the ground, staring up at the mage above him. he glanced over to the side, where Wilson was growling at the other soldiers, edging toward one of the survivor¡¯s abandoned submachine guns.


    Heh, good idea. make sure you get them in the eye. Garth was pretty sure everywhere else on their bodies was as hard as steel. He glanced over at the survivors, just starting to come out of their stupors. Were they worth dying for?


    Definitely not, but the window to escape easily was long since passed.


    Even if Garth teleported away, he couldn¡¯t afford to leave behind his psychic band-aid, or his girlfriend without a gag reflex.


    Now that¡¯s worth dying for.


    Garth was trying to form a plan to bolt that involved launching Wilson halfway across the city and teleporting to catch up, when the mage lifted his arms over his head and began swirling them through the air, condensing some kind of green mist out of a thick layer of mana on his hands. A bit like gently forming curds of scrambled eggs, except upside down, green and probably lethal.


    Garth yanked the sword from his gut, gritting his teeth and keeping his eyes on the mage. The green mist was forming some kind of serpentine shape that moved like it was alive. Garth wasn¡¯t sure why the man wasn¡¯t forcing his way into Garth¡¯s Lantern and putting the jumper cables to his balls, but he had probably put a healthy amount of caution in them.


    The wound stopped bleeding quickly thanks to the two-sided disc in Garth¡¯s breastbone. He glanced to the side, and the warriors weren¡¯t coming within thirty feet of Garth, glancing between him and the mage above cooking up his death.


    Looks like they didn¡¯t want to be anywhere near him when the bomb hit. Garth had to assume whatever he was making wasn¡¯t made out of mana. He was conjuring something real that would invade Garth¡¯s Lantern and murder him.


    Might be a good time to leave. Garth tensed, about to toss Wilson halfway across the city.


    ¡°Garth! Are you okay?¡± Sandi cried as she approached, attracting everyone¡¯s attention.


    Dangit. Now I have to be a hero. This sucks.

 Chapter 67: Aggressive Cuddles

    What do you think she considers only needing a little help? Garth thought as his wounded stomach slowly knit itself back together. The pain made it hard to think, impossible to move. He was pretty sure this is where she should have run to get help from home base.


    Instead, Sandi leapt down from the building and bit one soldier¡¯s head off, neatly bisecting another with her leg, armor notwithstanding. There were a good hundred or so more, though, and they looked like they were ready to throw down.


    I need to get her some illusion armor. Garth thought, watching her Lure standing in the middle of the carnage, hissing at the armored shinta. There was a thought. Sandi¡¯s Lure was her greatest weakness, and Garth didn¡¯t know whether it could ever be expected to wear armor.


    He¡¯d have to study her Lure at length to make something that could adapt to being several forms at once.


    Garth¡¯s first instinct had been for Wilson to distract the mage with a burst of gunfire. The lizard didn¡¯t have opposable thumbs, but he was pretty sure that he could work something out if he used both hands and his feet. Instead, he was going to have him run interference for Sandi. Couldn¡¯t afford to get her any more hurt while her parents were in town. He and the lizard shared a quick glance and nodded.


    Wilson sprinted over to a warrior approaching Sandi¡¯s Lure from the side, and jumped on his back.


    Then Wilson did something Garth wasn¡¯t expecting. He thought Wilson would probably try to sink his teeth or claws into the warrior¡¯s unprotected bits, scrabble around, maybe distract him for a bit.


    What actually happened was Wilson unfolded, his red-spined back curling bonelessly around the warrior. Wilson¡¯s face, arms, and eyes were revealed to be a fa?ade as they unfurled, his body splitting down the stomach. Long spines covered in sticky acid emerged from where they were tightly packed inside him, curling around his target and causing wisps of smoke to rise along with the man¡¯s tortured screams.


    Wow.


    Garth tore his eyes away from Wilson and directed them up at the blue-skinned alien forming a green serpent of noxious fumes, compressing them into a crystalline core. There wasn¡¯t a shadow of a doubt that that would get through his Lantern¡¯s area. Sandi couldn¡¯t fly and Wilson was busy watching her back.


    Guess I¡¯ll have to take care of this myself, then, he thought.


    Garth sent a glance over to the gun on the ground, one of those boxy little submachine guns you see on so many grungy post apocalyptic movies. A scorpion?


    Garth surrounded it with mana, lifting it off the ground and aimed it at the mage. A fraction of a second later, it unleashed every bullet in its clip before hurling itself forward like a big league fastball.


    The bullets richocheted off an invisible force field that surrounded the mage, while the gun itself, with a bit more mass, managed to make contact with the mage¡¯s leg, causing the shinta in the sky to wince, but he didn¡¯t stop his movements.


    The crystalline serpent fully manifested, and as if her were drawing a bow, the shinta aimed it at me.


    ¡°Him.¡± the shinta said, and Garth saw some kind of mana flicker from his mouth to the serpent¡¯s eyes.


    Welp, not good. Garth would bet anything that serpent was a heat seeker. Or maybe a Garth-seeker would be more accurate in this situation. Garth was still somewhat in danger of having his guts pour out of the gaping hole in his stomach, but the clansman wasn¡¯t giving Garth much of a choice here.


    Now the only question was, what was the seeking fidelity vs the speed? Either one of those things ramped up to 100% would probably see Garth dead, but hopefully there was a little wiggle room where he could shake it off.


    Garth watched closely, his mind on the teleport enchantment in his chest. The thing had finished charging a few seconds ago, and he was hoping it would be enough.


    He had to wait until after the spell was launched, otherwise he¡¯d just retarget. The only forseeable problem was if the damn thing was as fast as an RPG, or a bullet. Reflexes three times faster than before, and he still couldn¡¯t see a speeding bullet.


    The crystalline emerald serpent leapt forward, gliding through the air with the speed of an arrow. A normal arrow.


    Well, that¡¯s not too bad, Garth thought as the thing streaked toward him, seemingly swimming through the air.


    Garth focused on his teleporter and the world kaleidascoped for a brief instant before he reappeared above the shinta mage.


    To Garth¡¯s dismay, the snake-thing came to a screeching halt just before impacting the ground, seemingly smelling the ground where he¡¯d lain. A moment later, it tilted its head up and stared directly at him past it¡¯s owner.


    The mage followed its gaze, craning his neck to look up at Garth.


    It was a little too late, though.


    ¡°Whooo!¡± Garth whooped as he felt the electrical twinge of energy as the area of their Lanterns overlapped. The two spheres intruded on each other, forcing a wrestling match for control over the mana in the area.


    When one mage was substantially better than the other, he could wrest the entire lantern away, otherwise the two areas became entangled. That wasn¡¯t to say the the shinta mage wasn¡¯t better than him; He was. He just wasn¡¯t so much better that he could casually take away Garth¡¯s Lantern.


    Roiling electricity sprang up between them for an instant as the mana in the air tried to decide who to flow to, then Garth hit the Shinta¡¯s back, colliding together in a burst of gut-wrenching pain.


    Garth gritted his teeth, and barely managed think through the pain long enough to loop an arm around the Shintas neck and hold him tight against Garth¡¯s stomach. Garth was probably bleeding all over the man¡¯s fancy robes, but when the alternative is having your guts fall out, Garth figured he could afford to be a little rude.


    ¡°Hey there,¡± Garth whispered intimately in his best Sam Fisher impersonation, clutching his wildly flickering Lantern against his side as he watched the emerald serpent start picking up speed, heading toward them. ¡°You think your little buddy there can tell the difference between friend and foe?¡±


    The enemy mage¡¯s Lantern was flickering as well, but not as severely as Garth¡¯s. Still, it must have been taking all of his effort to keep them both airloft now that Garth was clinging to his back and choking him like a certain D&D monster that loved to choke things.


    Pros and cons of choking a shinta with one arm.


    Pro: Their long arms actually make it more difficult for them to reach the monkey literally on their back.


    Con: Their relatively thick necks make the choke less of a choke, and more of an aggressive cuddle.


    It was all beside the point. All Garth wanted to do was buy time while playing chicken. He hung on and desperately supplied the healing enchantment with mana from the dregs of his flickering lantern. Had Garth ben trying to cast it himself, the flickering, unstable mana would have made it damn near impossible, forcing him to start over again and again and give him a pounding headache, but with the enchantment in his chest taking up the burden of healing with sporadic drips of energy bolstered and evened out by the battery in his chest, it was going okay.


    The shinta mage seemed to disagree, struggling to buck him off and cursing.


    ¡°Let me go you uncultured swine!¡± he croaked, squirming in Garth¡¯s grasp, trying to claw at his head.


    ¡°Uncultured?¡± Garth gasped. ¡°I thought offering bribes was pretty much the most cultured thing you could do. He shook his head, ¡®tsk-ing. ¡°I have so much to learn.¡±


    ¡°By the way,¡± Garth said, lifting up his lantern hand and pointing at the crystal snake speeding toward them. ¡°You gonna do something about that?¡±


    ¡°Eat a dick!¡± The shinta said, trying to surround himself with a cocoon of space mana. Yep, there¡¯s a teleportation spell if I ever saw one. Now who¡¯s uncultured?


    Garth reached out with his own meager supply of mana. Garth¡¯s flickering space mana crackled and buzzed as it was torn away from his control almost as fast as he could harness it. He inserted it into the cocoon and managed to awkwardly disrupt a little hole in it right at the back of the shinta¡¯s neck by wildly flinging mana around.


    Garth was interested to see if everything except for the base of the man¡¯s spine would teleport. That would be a pretty badass way to win a fight, and it might answer some questions Garth had on the nature of teleportation and counterspelling in general, but he didn¡¯t get to find out, as the shinta withdrew the mana with a frustrated shout. The serpent was closing in, fast. Garth could make out it¡¯s glowing, semi-transparent eyes as it bolted through the air toward them.


    The shinta relented and raised his hand, shouting, ¡°Stop!¡±


    The emerald snake froze in place a couple arm lengths away and Garth¡¯s situation changed from advantageous, to slightly less than. The only thing keeping the mage from taking his time and peeling him off had been the time limit of the snake skewering them both.


    Seven strands of mana reached around and seized Garth, peeling him away from the red and gold robed shinta¡¯s back. They coiled around Garth¡¯s extremeties, neck and torso, and carried him up and over the mage¡¯s shoulder. Straight toward the snake.


    Not good, Garth though, hacking the telekinetic strands away from him hastily. In the fraction of a second it took to cut all seven strands, he was already clearing his shoulder, aimed straight at the missile. With a burst of adrenaline, Garth did everything he could to change his momentum, trying to hook his toe on the back of the mage¡¯s shoulder and kick him.


    It wasn¡¯t quite enough, and Garth continued on his way toward the crystal snake patiently waiting for him in the sky.


    Garth was still inside the area of the mage¡¯s Lantern, so he wasn¡¯t able to fly so much as telekinetically shove himself in a direction, avoiding the spell by inches. The emerald serpent smelled faintly of industrial chemicals as he flew past it.


    Outside the range of the mage¡¯s Lantern, Garth¡¯s own snapped back to full strength, and his enchantment stabilized his fall into more of a swoop, pulling him away from the ground. Garth glanced down at his stomach, and saw that the width of the cut in his stomach had been somewhat reduced over the last few moments, but he was still playing with a disadvantage.


    Before he could think about it too hard, five glowing orbs leapt out of the mage¡¯s palm and flashed toward him. Garth wanted to block it with a force shield, but then he would be in the same situation as he was before.


    The chances were getting hit by the spheres was nowhere near as bad as getting hit by the snake. Garth was willing to bet his life that the spheres streaking toward him were an attempt to slow him down long enough to sic the snake on him again.


    So he did.


    Garth tucked his left arm and both legs in front of himself, curling into his best armadillo impression while his right arm directed mana to snag the battered sword off the ground and send it whirling toward the green menace with every ounce of power Garth could muster.


    The shinta did his little aiming thing, pointing at Garth.


    ¡°Him-¡° his words were cut off as a sword bisected the snake.


    Two things happened at once.


    Garth was hit by all five streaking spheres. Their power was somewhat unraveled by the Lantern, but they still had enough oomph to give his arms, legs and side horrible burns as they impacted against his skin.


    As for the shinta across the way, well, he was standing in the splash zone. The crystal snake exploded back into toxic mist, catching the shinta¡¯s arm and face before it congealed into a thick foam, clinging to him no matter how much he struggled.


    With a hideous shriek, the mage tried to wipe the foam off his arm, before beginning to convulse. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he fell from the air like a stone, impacting the ground at an awkward, spine-breaking angle, and laying still as the foam ate its way through his body.


    ¡°I guess I won,¡± Garth said, relaxing his turtle maneuver, arms and legs screaming in pain.


    A flicker of movement to his left caught his attention, and the last thing Garth saw was a rock that seemed to be miraculously expanding.

 Chapter 68: Look Toward the Future

    When Garth blearily opened his eyes, he was on the ground. Again. Face down this time, nose hurting like a bitch.


    It has not been a good day, he thought as he struggled to put his arms under him. Garth just wanted to clear millions of kiplings out of an enormous city in a single afternoon, was that so much to ask?


    ¡°I should thank you for the promotion.¡± A pair of gold and red shoes standing beside him said before a white hot pain lanced through Garth¡¯s back, pinning him to the pavement. Think he got a lung.


    Garth could only let out a low, bloody groan as the sword came out of him again. How the hell did he get through all Garth¡¯s fancy enchantments? Garth was starting to see Cass¡¯s wisdom in just blowing up the enemy first rather than dicking around with survivability enhancements.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t mind telling me where a human¡¯s heart is, would you?¡±


    Just go for the neck, idiot.


    ¡°Gofuerselff¡± Garth moaned.


    ¡°Oh well, I guess I¡¯ll cut off your head.¡±


    Here we go. Garth tried to trigger the teleportation disc in his chest, but it was still recharging. Not wasting any time, he reached for an acorn with a stream of mana. Maybe he could push this guy away and buy himself some time. Another three seconds should do it.


    The oak burst from beneath Garth, guarding his neck and pushing toward the swordsman¡¯s chest, but it was too slow, he already heard the swishing of a blade cutting through the air above him. If the sword could cut through his force armor and his bark skin, then an extra inch of green oak probably wouldn¡¯t make a big difference.


    ¡°Hold on Garth!¡± a distinctly masculine voice shouted, and the shinta standing above Garth was kicked aside. Out of the corner of his eye, all Garth could see was a mithril boot. Turning his head a bit, He found himself staring up his own brother¡¯s mithril-clad leg. Not a vantage he ever wanted to have.


    The six-foot four demigod looking younger brother was wearing a skin-tight shell of priceless metal, with a fancy circlet around his head that made it seem like a choir of angels were softly singing whenever you looked at him. the armor was so tight his six pack was clearly visible through the steel.


    Son of a bitch. That¡¯s totally impractical.


    ¡°Drug deal go bad?¡± Jim asked, peering down at him with a scowl as heavily armored men and women flooded the streets, pushing back the last of the clansmen.


    You don¡¯t know my life! Garth thought, unable to properly speak. Wilson, translate for me.


    ¡°You look like you were dressed by a fourteen year old girl.¡± Wilson said, approaching from the distance. Nice. No less than six people were wrapped up in red-green gooey leaves anchored to the ground where he came from, and Garth wondered how he managed to branch off and do more than one at a time.


    He¡¯d been a bit too preoccupied to watch the fight.


    Jim watched Wilson approach and stand next to Garth, obviously his by his leafy visage. Jim was pretty quick on the uptake, his eyes flickering between the two of them, expressing a moment of understanding before he nodded.


    ¡°And¡­¡±


    ¡°And thanks for the save.¡± Wilson growled reluctantly. ¡°Once my lung seals, I¡¯ll get you back.¡±


    ¡°Get me back? That sounds-one sec-¡° Jim was interrupted by a white hot blade streaking down toward him. Jim lunged forward and caught the shinta¡¯s swing under his forearm, plunged a shortsword between the plates of his armor and kicked him away, tumbling across the street to where Sandi was resting, the humans having taken the burden of fighting an entire unit off her shoulders.


    Garth was suddenly struck by the conversation he¡¯d had with Sandi¡¯s mom about her childhood wish list, and it was possible Jim checked more boxes. Garth experienced an instant of irrational jealousy.


    ¡°If you make a move on my girlfriend, I¡¯ll make you suffer.¡± Wilson said unbidden. Garth didn¡¯t ask him, but he did feel that way a bit.


    ¡°What?¡± Jim asked, glancing back down at him with a frown. ¡°Anyway, was I right? Karma bite you in the ass for trying to be a Heisenberg?¡±


    ¡°Jokes on you,¡± Wilson said as Garth summoned Woody. ¡°Everyone loves my drugs. They¡¯re still legal off-planet, too. I don¡¯t even have any competitors. No, this particular clusterfuck was a result of trying to be a hero. Apparently the trick is waiting until somebody else has done most of the work.¡±


    The ten-foot treant carefully picked up Garth and cradled him like a baby so as not to aggravate the split stomach, the sucking chest wound, and the burns on his arms and legs.


    ¡°Damn!¡± Jim said, eye widening as he saw the damage. Frankly it wasn¡¯t nearly as bad as it was twenty seconds ago, but it still looked pretty bad. ¡°You gonna be okay?¡±


    Garth weakly waved an arm.


    ¡°We¡¯ll be fine in a couple minutes.¡± Wilson said.


    Garth looked around, where the last of the clansmen were running scared in front of Jim¡¯s well-financed army. I hope they get all of ¡®em. The last thing he needed was more clans looking to kill a purple human. As far as Garth was aware, that was a pretty short list.


    ¡°So what are you doin¡¯ here anyway?¡± Wilson asked while Garth focused on getting his lung patched up. At least he wasn¡¯t passing out.


    ¡°Well, my first hint was when you asked me to purchase ten million credits worth of something called ¡®top tier aether crystals¡¯, in cash.¡±


    ¡°Heh, yeah,¡± Garth croaked, stifling a painful cough.


    ¡°Then I heard a rumor about a drug making its way through the upper echelons of the Inner Sphere bureaucracy called Cocaine. I got a little concerned, so I came to your town on a hunch, and lo and behold, you had an entire goddamn grow operation in the middle of the desert.¡±


    ¡°And?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°And did you seriously use me to launder your fucking drug money?¡±


    ¡°Launder? Nah, that would imply the money coming back to me clean. It¡¯s more like I used you to purchase supplies I couldn¡¯t have otherwise obtained legitimately.¡± Wilson said. ¡°I¡¯d call it being a patsy.¡±


    ¡°Not cool.¡± Jim said, shaking his head.


    ¡°Needed the crystals,¡± Garth said, testing his newly patched lung. ¡°Saved my ass today. Besides, I wasn¡¯t doing a drug deal here, I was-¡°


    ¡°Thank you so much for saving us!¡± a dark-haired woman with a child on her hip said, sobbing as she gave Garth an awkward hug past Woody¡¯s thick arms.


    Damn, I would have expected her to hug Jim. It usually seems to go that way.


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± Garth said, manning up as he patted her shoulder with a crispy hand. ¡°There¡¯s a safe place to stay to the East, I can take all of you once my brother and I finish talking.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yep, food, clothes, weapons, safety, rules.¡± He glanced at the kid resting on her hip, a toddler with a shock of messy blonde hair and blue eyes. The woman was quite obviously Hispanic.


    ¡°Who¡¯s this?¡±


    ¡°This is Emanuel, his mother¡­turned, so I¡¯m his mother now.¡±


    Garth tousled his hair and turned back to his mom. ¡°Tell the others we¡¯ll be going back to base, and anyone who wants to come is welcome.¡±


    She nodded and ran over to the other survivors who were staring slack-jawed at the superhuman soldiers in gleaming armor who¡¯d saved them. Her excited voice faded into the background chatter as Garth redirected his attention to Jim.


    ¡°Jim, I¡¯ve got the kernel of a plan. The world order was completely turned on its ear, and it¡¯s a scramble to rebuild it. Earth is hemorrhaging people and money. Did you know there are some species that never recover after their universe is assimilated? Do you know what they call those planets? Free land. I¡¯m not going to let that happen to us. I¡¯m going to make a large, productive city, then I¡¯m going to establish intercontinental travel and communication.¡±


    Come to think of it, if Cass could make a blade of grass into a portal, there had to be a way to make intercontinental portals out of trees. In his mind¡¯s eye, he saw an eight-lane superhighway leading from L.A. to Tokyo with a travel time of three minutes.


    Yeah, that could work.


    ¡°And you¡¯re going to make the aliens pay for it I imagine.¡±


    Garth shrugged, saying, ¡°They really like the cocaine.¡±


    Jim shook his head and sighed.


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re so interested restoring the country, because the remaining cabinet members wanted me to find out who was selling the drugs and-¡°


    ¡°Nope.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You realize all the rich old white guys you were brown nosing your entire life are now just regular old white guys? Everyone¡¯s money and power have been reset to zero. The only power they have is when people like you perpetuate it.¡±


    ¡°What are you getting at?¡± Jim asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m not rebuilding the U.S., I¡¯m not working under anyone or financing anyone, not a single damn credit. My hat¡¯s in the ring. I¡¯m gonna bring together every continent on Earth, personally, under my flag.¡±


    Jim¡¯s eyebrows raised. ¡°How do you plan to do that?¡±


    ¡°Something some of your old white men might not fully realize is that magic is a thing now, and it¡¯s gotta be taken account for. A worldwide hub that could allow you to travel to any city on the planet in a matter of minutes is within the realm of possibility now. being able to travel to any corner of the globe instantly means¡­¡±


    ¡°You could have a global government.¡± Jim said, slowly nodding.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m the first person to think of it, but I¡¯m not going to be the last. I¡¯m going to rebuild my city faster than anyone else, amass obscene amounts of money and establish portals to spread it across the globe. Highway to Beijing in five minutes.¡±


    Jim rested his palm on the pommel of his sword as he chewed his lip, tapping his fingers on the sheath. That was unmistakably his thinking face.


    ¡°It¡¯s a good idea. Can I get in on it?¡±


    Garth looked Jim over, his eyes narrowed as he weighed his options. If he let Jim in, there was a 95% chance he¡¯d go down in history as the guy who unified the world, and Garth would be a forgotten footnote in the appendices.


    Things just turned out that way.


    On the other hand, Jim¡¯s help significantly raised the chance of success, and he trusted him marginally more than Tyler. Plus, with Jim¡¯s army there, it would be that much easier to keep the thug under control and not have to kill him.


    Gain a piece, avoid losing a piece, in exchange for not being famous after his death? Probably a good deal.


    Garth swallowed the bile in his throat, along with his longing for recognition. Gotta work with people you don¡¯t like if you want to accomplish something great.


    ¡°Alright.¡± Garth said, extending his hand. ¡°But if you fuck me over I¡¯ll turn you into a woodland creature and hunt you for sport.¡±


    Jim blinked, and caught Garth¡¯s hand. ¡°You can do that?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Officially, no.¡± Garth said as he gathered a stream of mana to flow through his hand into Jim¡¯s, using Polymorph to change it into a hoof.


    Jim yelped and jumped backward, shaking as he watched his hoof morph back into a normal human hand.


    ¡°But I haven¡¯t been playing by the rules.¡±

 Chapter 69: A real bad Day

    -Other Earth-


    High in the mountains, a limbless torso rested against a pine tree in front of a dying fire, beside him was a stack of rocks with a face drawn on it, a sack of flour and an overturned bucket of apples.


    ¡°Thank you all so much for coming, it means so much to Leanne.¡±


    Leanne looked up at Garth incredulously before returning to heating up her bowie knife over the fire. Once it was good and hot, she got up and went back, bringing it close to the aqua and silver robed man.


    ¡°Wait, wait!¡± he shouted moments before she pressed the hot knife to his oozing arm-stump, forcing a terrifying howl out of him.


    ¡°This is some party huh?¡± Garth said, glancing around the empty clearing. It would have been a lot better if he still had a city and all the meat and alcohol that entailed, but ce la vie.


    ¡°The Fen Sha clan will hunt you down, monster. They don¡¯t take such insults lightly.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Mr. Torso. I arranged it myself.¡±


    ¡°Stop fucking around.¡±


    Garth heaved a sigh. Leanne was always work, work, work. Especially since that kipling bastard tore her arm off.


    ¡°Okay, fine. So Mr. Torso, the question on everyone¡¯s minds is-¡° Garth leaned down and snarled into the corio¡¯s face for emphasis. ¡°How the fuck did one person destroy my city!?¡±


    Garth had sent out his kipling enforcers, brutes slaved to his will and totally devoid of emotion, to tear the man limb from limb, only to have him tear through them with invisible blades, leveling his city like so many sandcastles and aiming for Garth¡¯s tower.


    Naturally Garth had punched the Eject button, collapsed the tower and left a believable corpse as he ran away like a bitch. A bitch who wanted to live to see another day.


    ¡°What, I..¡± the corio shivered, pale from fear, but mostly blood loss.


    ¡°Magic didn¡¯t work on him! it just kinda¡­Pfft! As soon as it got close.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s-¡°


    ¡°And he was like me! A kipling, or whatever you call it. If he can do it, I can do it.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t-¡°


    ¡°And the bastard acted like a freaking white knight or a samurai or something, like ¡®My name¡¯s Irios, and I have come to cleanse the monster¡¯.¡± Garth made a hand puppet out of one of the corio¡¯s arms, flopping it around in front of him in a rough approximation of the Kipling with a broom up his ass.


    The corio¡¯s jaw dropped for just an instant, and his panicked rambling paused. Garth caught it, though.


    ¡°you know who it is.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not possi-¡°


    ¡°Tell you what.¡± Garth said, leaning close again, grinning with his brand-new shark-teeth. ¡°You haven¡¯t answered a single question yet, and I¡¯m starting to get hungry. So I¡¯ll give you two seconds to tell me everything you know, or I eat your face.¡±


    ¡°But you haven¡¯t-¡°


    ¡°I¡¯m just fucking with you,¡± Garth said, sitting down beside Mr. Torso and putting one of his arms on a sharpened stick, roasting it like a weenie. ¡°I¡¯ve been interrupting everything you¡¯ve said. I¡¯ll give you some time to speak.¡±


    The corio sighed with relief. ¡°He¡¯s-¡°


    ¡°I will eat your face, though.¡± Garth interrupted again, watching the fat sizzle on the blue arm. There wasn¡¯t a whole lot of it. Turns out martial artists were gamey. Who knew? ¡°Sorry, sorry, interrupting again. Go ahead.¡±


    Mr. Torso looked at him hesitantly, long past Garth¡¯s two second time limit.


    ¡°Do you know what a fuck nugget is, Mr. Torso?¡± That got the lead out of his ass.


    ¡°Irios is the name of an ancient king of my people¡¯s home world, who inherited the throne and unified the planet when the Inner Spheres assimilated our universe and killed his father.¡±


    ¡°As a kipling?¡±


    ¡°No, he was unchanged, led the survivors to re-establish a foothold on our own world, slowly taking it back for ourselves.


    ¡°So this guy just has the same name.¡±


    ¡°If it was a corio, and a Kipling, it has to be from the original time our worlds split along the hemispheres. Eight thousand years old. It may even be the man¡¯s doppleganger, who slew Irios when he tried to reunite the other hemisphere¡¯s Batlusia.¡±


    ¡°Wait, hold up,¡± Garth said, taking a bite and grimacing. ¡°I never thought I¡¯d say this, but I think I like the taste of fat men in their mid-twenties, early thirties.¡±


    The corio watched him and shivered.


    ¡°That and holy shit, does that mean there¡¯s another Earth out there?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°And another me?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°If he survived.¡±


    Garth ran a thumb over his chin. ¡°Looks like I¡¯m gonna have to grow a goatee, hah.¡±


    Leanne and Mr. Torso looked at Garth like he was crazy, which was totally unfair. What was crazy was letting some guy cut off your arms and legs and then trying to threaten them.


    ¡°So this guy¡¯s some kind of ancient demon lord, huh?¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t make sense, he was defeated thousands of years ago. But if it were really him, the Inner Spheres need to know about it. Please, any Corio Kipling that old would be a serious danger to the Spheres, you have to send me back to the outpost. I have to tell them, please.¡±


    ¡°Right, right¡­¡± Garth said, chewing slowly. It was harder to savor food now that his molars were sharp as hell, but they seemed to be getting more blunt recently. ¡°Let¡¯s go back to the part where this Irios guy sucked all the mana out of the air and prevented me from annihilating his ass.¡±


    Garth literally and metaphorically grilled Mr. Torso throughout the night, uncovering the method of forming a Lantern, a bit more ancient history, and the description of the Fen Sha clan, as well as the clan system in general.


    Clans were, for all intents and purposes, government licensed organized crime syndicates. The Inner Spheres didn¡¯t have the manpower to efficiently suck all the wealth out of every planet in every reality and siphon it back to them, so they allowed a semi-feudal system to grow up where the clans would squeeze every drop of profit they could out of the planets they held sway over and pay a fraction of that back to the Inner Sphere government. It allowed each individual planet to be semi-autonomous, as long as they paid the tax-man on time.


    Small clans had a planet or less under their control. Medium sized ones had up to fifteen planets, and any more than that would be considered a large clan. Mr. Torso¡¯s clan was one of the smaller ones. Him and his group had been sent to gather a bit of cash on the down low while the ban was in place.


    For the first fifty years after a planet was assimilated, Clans were forbidden from establishing territory on them, nominally to give the citizens of the planet a chance to stabilize before the political infighting began.


    The outposts belonged to the Inner spheres, but their governors would work closely with whichever Clan was in control of the planet¡¯s surface to ship all their wealth back to the hub of all existence, The Core. An interesting little system.


    ¡°All right Mr. Torso,¡± Garth said, finishing a letter. ¡°I¡¯m writing a letter to your Fan Shu clan,¡±


    ¡°Fen Sha,¡± Leanne corrected. Garth ignored her.


    ¡°When they find you outside the outpost tomorrow, along with that note, they¡¯ll be able to sound the alarm on this Irios guy, right? Right.¡±


    ¡°Oh, thank you, thank you.¡± Mr. Torso began to weep in relief as Garth started inking a relatively large piece of bark.


    Once Garth was done with the letter, he set it to the side and gave Mr. Torso a level stare.


    ¡°Now there¡¯s just one problem. And that is that you¡¯ve seen my face.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t tell anyone, please, please, I won¡¯t. please.¡± The horned man sucked in a ragged gasp and continued begging.


    ¡°Okay, okay, stop begging, I¡¯ve got a solution that I think will work for everyone.¡±


    Garth leaned down and hefted a rock. ¡°I don¡¯t know any mind magic yet, so I can¡¯t really erase your memories, but we could always try the old fashioned way.¡± Garth was lying his ass off, but he was already having too much fun to let Mr. Torso live.


    ¡°What?¡± Mr. Torso whispered.


    ¡°In order to make you forget, I¡¯m going to beat you upside the head until you can¡¯t remember anything, then I¡¯m gonna leave you outside an outpost. With me so far?¡±


    Mr. Torso shook his head.


    ¡°Look, one way or another, they¡¯re going to find out about me, so either I kill you now and just deliver the letter, or we try to bash the memories out.¡±


    The Blue-skinned man, in his desperation and blood loss, must not have been thinking right, because he nodded his head in aquiescence, sending a shiver of pleasure through Garth¡¯s spine.


    ¡°Now ask me to do it.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± he asked with a tortured mewl.


    ¡°Ask me to beat your head with a rock until you forget about all this.¡±


    He began to hyperventilate and sob, making Garth¡¯s eyes roll back in his head. Oh, this is just the best. I can¡¯t believe I never did this before.


    ¡°Beat me until I forget.¡± He gasped between sobs.


    ¡°The whole thing. With a please.¡± Garth said, the shivers of pleasure arching through his entire body.


    ¡°Please¡­Beat my head with a rock¡­until I forget about all of this¡­¡± Garth¡¯s heart was slamming in his chest now, filling him with wave after wave of ecstasy.


    ¡°Can do!¡± Garth said, bringing the rock down against the man¡¯s skull, just hard enough to cause tremendous pain, but not hard enough to cause brain damage.


    ¡°AAAGH!¡±


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry, shit. Ask me to hit you harder.¡± Garth said, unable to keep the smile from surfacing on his face.


    ¡°Please¡­¡± Mr. Torso managed to spit the word with a bit of blood between broken lips.


    ¡°Please what?¡±


    ¡°Hit me harder.¡± Mr. Torso started weeping.


    Garth trailed up the index finger of his left hand to his breastbone, playing with the long scar there.


    ¡°If you insist!¡± Garth said, applying all of his considerable strength to the blow, bowling Mr. Torso over where he shivered in the dirt, brain scrambled.


    ¡°GNN!¡± Garth grunted in pleasure as he used his sharp fingernail to cut open the center of his chest, creating a path straight through his breastbone.


    Like wisps of smoke, black mana rose from the fresh corpse before being drawn through Garth¡¯s chest, into his Heartstone. Once that was done, Garth ate Mr. Torso¡¯s face.


    Garth had had a very bad day, and Mr. Torso was fair game.


    A half hour later, when Mr. Torso had become Mr. Trail Rations, Garth and Leanne laid down by the fire, getting ready for bed.


    ¡°You¡¯re a sick fuck.¡± Leanne said, staring at the sky.


    ¡°At least I¡¯m not a pedophile, going around kissing thirteen year old boys.¡±


    ¡°He was older than me!¡± Leanne shouted.


    ¡°Still counts.¡± Garth said, folding his arms over his chest, pondering the nature of the universe and the fact that he had a twin brother out there, and by any account, Garth was the evil one.


    Garth twiddled his thumbs, contemplating interpersonal compatibility. Some people, if met with another person with an identical personality, would do everything it took to destroy the other. Others got along like two peas in a pod.


    Garth had spent a lot of time considering how well he would get along with himself as a thought exercise and had come to the conclusion that two Garths would be better than one, but now that he was the evil twin, he was a little concerned about the viability of a meetup.


    They would have to hash out etiquette on a case by case basis, but Garth was sure they could work something out.


    ¡°Leanne, I think we¡¯re going to skip town, on a dimensional scale.¡±


    Leanne grunted and turned over.


    ¡°I think you should play the cleric, since you¡¯re a girl.¡± Garth said, thinking about where they would have to go and the equipment they would have to procure in order to slip into an outpost undetected.


    She glanced over her shoulder and glared at him.


    ¡°Just kidding. You¡¯d make a good paladin.¡± Get her some dwarf-sized platemail, and she¡¯d wreck face.


    Little piece of advice for playing with girls for the first time. Give them a more active/appreciated role than the cleric, or else they don¡¯t enjoy themselves, and you don¡¯t get return boobs.


    Speaking of boobs, Garth hadn¡¯t gotten laid in months, and he was curious as to whether his Kipling body was even capable. Over a year if you count before I turned.


    The next morning, Garth and Leanne set out to make their fortune and hopefully escape the ancient demon lord who seemed to have a hate-boner for him. The loss of four months of effort stung, but Garth knew he¡¯d lost something he was more emotionally invested in once. He just couldn¡¯t remember exactly what it was.

 Chapter 70: Bell’s Breed and Feed

    This is something most humans understand by the time they¡¯re adults, but as it turns out, money opens a lot of doors.


    Getting Garth a trip to a city on the Inner Sphere planet Ometra fell under that category. Normally reserved for citizens of high standing, Garth was able to pull some strings and grease many palms, getting him a round-trip ticket to the Best Temple of Beladia in Existance. At least, according to Cass.


    It was more expensive than using the portable Gate, for sure, but also significantly more legal. Garth didn¡¯t want to stack up more attention to himself than absolutely necessary, in a legal sense. His life was going to be hard enough when he started getting pushback against his Earth products.


    Still, wherever you went, travel was hellacious. At least if you¡¯re flying coach.


    ¡°Arms out.¡± A bored security blob said. Garth assumed he was bored. Who wouldn¡¯t be?


    He picked up a metallic wand with a red crystal at the top. Garth could only assume they put a sandwich of mana sensitive materials that would light the crystals when-oh, there it goes.


    The crystal on the top lit up with a harsh red light and a grating buzz as he passed it over Garth¡¯s Status band. A fraction of a second later the crystal in the wand cracked and went dark. That probably wasn¡¯t good.


    ¡°Sir, are you aware it¡¯s illegal to use a modified Status Band?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not modified,¡± Garth said. ¡°I made it from scratch. It¡¯s legal under the Utility Act. This is a modified bracer with added Status tracking capability. Not the other way around.¡±


    ¡°I see, and do you have any other enchantments to declare above a class C?¡±


    ¡°About four of them in my chest,¡± Garth said, tapping his collarbone.


    ¡°And would you classify them as dangerous?¡±


    ¡°Purely defensive.¡±


    ¡°and what is this?¡± he pointed at Wilson, the four foot lizard standing beside him as they got the third degree.


    ¡°He¡¯s my familiar,¡± Wilson said, pointing at Garth before he could speak. Garth shot him a glare.


    ¡°Hmmm.¡± The blob groaned in a way that made Garth think he was going to be a problem. He didn¡¯t really want to spend the rest of the day answering prying questions that might possibly include why the Inner Sphere had no record of him, so he had to take the guy out.


    This called for a targeted strike to the fat folds around where he assumed the blob¡¯s neck was.


    Garth unleashed his special move: three ten thousand credit coins nestled between his thumb and forefinger, jammed into the second fat fold. The guard¡¯s eyes widened for a moment, then returned to their placid half-closed stupor.


    The blob¡¯s attitude¡­It didn¡¯t do a one-eighty, but it shifted lighting quick from irritated boredom to complacent boredom.


    ¡°I don¡¯t care, move along.¡±


    ¡°Thank you sir.¡± Garth said, walking out of the massive Gatehouse. The size and scope of this planet¡¯s outpost put everything on Earth to shame. There was a square where species of every conceivable type walked, clopped, squirmed, slimed, flew and blew. Buildings of pure white stone rose up in every direction, sending branches to connect with each other, creating a second layer of foot traffic above them, safely ensconced inside the translucent skybridges.


    Garth gawked until someone shoved past his shoulder and he realized he was being a roadblock. Right, gotta get to the temple, re-establish the connection, get home. He didn¡¯t plan to make this a long trip if he could help it, and if someone tried to suggest what he wanted was the prize of some tournament, Garth would punch them.


    According to the locals, there was a series of very large, very marble temples where worshippers could go to make requests of the gods.


    According to Cass, however, these temples were worth about as much as the gum on your shoe. The influence of each god did have places that they tended to accumulate, but they weren¡¯t convenient enough to all be nestled together inside a carefully planned city grid. Hastia¡¯s energy tended to accumulate at picturesque mountains brimming with fire, eager to kill all nearby life.


    Entramond¡¯s power accumulated in back alleys and gambling halls, where wealth beyond petty money flowed.


    Gartok, the god of bravery, battle, and natural male enhancement paid most attention to the sites of past and future battles where heroics of epic proportions happened. A few temples were still waiting for the other shoe to drop.


    And of course, Beladia¡¯s energy created an environment good for farming, building a house, or having kids. She was pro-creation. It was kind of a chicken and egg argument, though. Did her attention come before or after people settled there?


    Garth rose into the air above the city, lifting a squirming Wilson as he got a bead on where he needed to go. About one hundred and fifty miles to the southeast of the city lay a no-nonsense temple of Beladia where they could patch up his divine connection. Getting advice from a god was worth the detour.


    Garth found the sun, oriented on southeast, and began jetting away from the glistening white spires at a remarkable speed. He should be there in about fourty-five minutes.


    About half an hour later, Garth felt something to his left, a magnetic force that seems to draw his flight path and attention toward it. Garth peered into the distance, high above the forest outside the city.


    Something about the area just over there reminded him of Beladia¡¯s color scheme. Which was funny, because green and brown were in abundance everywhere he looked, but Garth knew he¡¯d found what he was looking for, a little smudge in the distance that called to him.


    He threw up his windshield again and started flying toward it. It wasn¡¯t like it was supposed to be straight southeast, anyway. Garth was glad he hadn¡¯t passed it entirely.


    As he got closer, Garth made out farms and orchards carved out of the dense forest, yet somehow maintaining a balance with nature, which defied everything Garth knew about farming. Ripe crops and chubby babies in large supply slid beneath Garth as he approached a wooden trading post that seemed to be grown out of the ground.


    He¡¯d found the place.


    Garth settled to the ground, getting a few odd looks, and straight up stares from the children that hung onto their mothers¡¯ skirts, drooling or absentmindedly biting their fingers. Garth glanced around, gave a wave and a smile he hoped was non-threatening before turning his attention to Beladia¡¯s temple.


    It reminded him of an 1800¡¯s trading post, a boxy little affair at the center of town with a little window, a ramp leading in and a rickety door. Apparently it also doubled as a day-care as an orc girl of maybe seventeen wrangled a dozen or so squealing children in a fenced in area connected to the side of the building.


    The other side held a garden filled with plants bursting with vitality, minded by a couple teenage boys who glanced up once before returning to weeding. On the porch was a rocking bench where three women of various species chatted as they breastfed infants, rocking in unison.


    ¡°Yep, definitely the right place.¡± Wilson said, staring unabashed at the breastfeeding mothers.


    Garth was a bit hesitant to enter on account of how little he felt he belonged there, when a man in homespun trousers walked past him, his hat in his hand, giving the women a brief hello before heading into the building.


    ¡°Maybe they¡¯re Beladian fembot security drones, and they¡¯ll shoot milk beams at you if you cause trouble. The babies are probably high explosives.¡± Wilson offered.


    Garth used Telekinesis to flick a rock at Wilson, shook his head, and headed up the natural wooden ramp, moment broken. He gave the security guards a passing wave, and boldly penetrated Beladia¡¯s sacred place.


    ¡°I see what you did there,¡± Wilson chuckled as he followed behind, but Garth was too busy taking in the details of the room.


    *Ding


    A bell above the door rang as they entered.


    The lobby was small with a coffee table filled with exotic fruit and cookies, a couch to wait, and a line five deep in front of Garth. It was clean and professional, except for the pictures and totems of Beladia that ranged from master-craftmanship to finger paintings strewn all over the walls. There were more of the latter, of course.


    Am I in the right place? Garth thought, glancing around to look at the motivational posters of Beladia represented across many species, and the occasional statuette. Garth was a fan of the corio Beladia, personally.


    The smell of good food wafted through the air as a slender red-skinned woman behind the counter dealt with customers.


    ¡°Welcome to Bell¡¯s Breed N¡¯ Feed, how can we help you today?¡± she said merrily with the professional courtesy of a burger joint.


    Oh well, if this wasn¡¯t the right place, they could all have a laugh about it later. And maybe he could buy a burger.


    ¡°My wife and I haven¡¯t been able to conceive.¡± An orc man at the front of the line admitted, his head hung low. His wife held him around his waist and patted his shoulder, leaning against him lovingly.


    ¡°Down the hall to your right, first door. A specialist will be with you shortly.¡± She pointed, and they dropped two hundred credit coins into the dish at the front before heading that way. Was it a pay what-you-can affair?


    ¡°Next.¡± She said, giving the approaching pale skinned midget a bright smile.


    ¡°Welcome to Bell¡¯s Breed N¡¯ Feed, what can we do for you?¡±


    ¡°My farm¡¯s crops are withering, and I need help before we get desperate.¡±


    ¡°Give us your address, and we¡¯ll send a specialist out to see you as soon as possible.¡±


    The little man gave his address, dropped fifty credits into the pan and left the line, making way for the next person in line, a woman with a baby on her hip who complained of not being able to give enough milk.


    Wilting Farm Guy began to walk by Garth, and some strange emotion welled up inside, filling him with sympathy for the poor man. The spirit of giving seized him, and Garth grabbed the man¡¯s elbow. The man flinched into a defensive posture.


    Garth felt the irresistible urge to help the guy out.


    Ooooh, these guys are good. It seemed like they were using some kind of advanced scrying combined with emotional manipulation magic to identify and motivate the people most able to help each other. Probably. Either that or Garth was more of a softy than he thought.


    If it was intentional, and not a side effect of Bleadia¡¯s presence here, he¡¯d have to investigate how they did it.


    ¡°Guess I¡¯m the specialist.¡± Garth grunted, picking through his bandolier. He found what he wanted, a pinch of tiny wafer-like seeds.


    ¡°Here, have some potato seeds. I added a bit of avocado to boost the fats and proteins a bit, but not enough to compromise the integrity of its structure. I also added the apple hormone that prevents it from going to seed prematurely.¡±


    He charged the pinch of seeds and dropped them into the man¡¯s hands.


    ¡°It¡¯s a tuber, so store them every winter, plant the ones you don¡¯t eat or sell for next year¡¯s crop. It¡¯s very hard to get it to go to seed, don¡¯t even bother. My stuff is blight resistant, parasite resistant, drought resistant, and so on, just don¡¯t let it out into the wild, alright?¡±


    The man was about to leave, staring at the seeds in his had with his mouth unconsciously hanging open, when Garth remembered a little more.


    ¡°Oh, and the main plant¡¯s poisonous, so don¡¯t eat anything but the lumps that grow underground, okay? And not the little things that grow off it either.¡±


    He nodded, and left the lobby, the bell attached to the front door giving a homey little jingle.


    In the meantime, the line had decreased by a couple people already. Cass was right. These people were fast.


    ¡°Welcome to Bell¡¯s Breed and Feed, how can we help you?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a date to the harvest dance.¡± A young corio said, nervously playing with his clothes.


    ¡°Go ask Gita, Beyard. You already know she likes you.¡±


    ¡°But I was hoping-¡°


    ¡°You¡¯re the only one that can get yourself laid, Tom, and Beladia isn¡¯t going to help with that.¡±


    ¡°I..okay,¡± the corio teen slumped and headed out.


    ¡°Hold up.¡± Garth said, tapping the corio on the shoulder. He took a bottle of his own cider out of his Status band. ¡°Split this with Gita, and you should be brave enough to ask her out.¡±


    ¡°Is it some kind of bravery potion?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Sure, kid.¡± Garth waved him away. That was the second nudge he¡¯d gotten in less than a minute, and he was already down a bottle of cider and some seeds. Staying here was dangerous. Maybe worse than being fed cookies or forced to babysit.


    ¡°Welcome to Bell¡¯s Breed and Feed, what can I do for you?¡± She said with a shy smile, looking Garth up and down as he approached the counter. ¡°You¡¯re not from around here, did you come for something in particular? I saw you help Taggart, but Tom didn¡¯t need it.¡±


    ¡°Felt like the right thing to do.¡± Garth said, focusing on his purpose. ¡°I heard this was a place where an Apostle could get reconnected with Beladia?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re an Apostle? Of Beladia?¡± she asked.


    ¡°¡­yeah?¡±


    ¡°MOM! WE GOT A BIG FISH!¡± She turned and shouted down the hall to the right.


    ¡°This can¡¯t be good,¡± Wilson whispered beside him.


    A moment later, a red-skinned woman emerged from the hall, absentmindedly straightening her deep v-cut shirt that conformed to her breasts, pressing them up and together into an appealing cleavage.


    She wore slippers, with bare legs that led up to a short skirt that had been hastily pulled up at a rakish angle around her wide hips.


    She cleared her throat and straightened her skirt, running a hand through her disheveled hair.


    ¡°What needs my attention, my child?¡± she said in a voice like wine.


    ¡°I stand corrected.¡± Wilson said, staring up at her. "When''s our appointment with the specialist? Can I get the full service package?"


    ¡°Cool it,¡± Garth chided.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 71: Obligatory Quest

    ¡°Hello,¡± She said, offering a hand.


    Garth clasped the crimson woman¡¯s hand and found it warmer than he¡¯d expected, like she was running a fever. Maybe her race had a higher body temp?


    ¡°My name is Ellanore Kinmet, A Seer of Beladia.¡±


    ¡°Garth Daniels, Apostle of Beladia.¡±


    Her eyebrow raised, holding his gaze for a moment before she knelt down in front of Wilson, her breasts nearly spilling out of the deep cut of her shirt as she leaned over him.


    ¡°And who are you, little one?¡± she said, petting Wilson¡¯s head.


    ¡°I¡¯m Wilson!¡± Wilson said, his tail wagging like a dog. ¡°You can pick me up if you wish. I won¡¯t hold it against you.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, you¡¯re a little too big for me,¡± she said, amused.


    ¡°That¡¯s what I like to hear.¡± Wilson said with a disgusting smile.


    ¡°If. You¡¯re. Done.¡± Garth said, directing a fair amount of ire at the lizard before he turned back to Ellanore. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I gave my familiar a body, and I¡¯m starting to think that was a bad idea.¡±


    ¡°Not my fault that¡¯s what you secretly think.¡± Wilson said, his head bobbing under Ellanore¡¯s pets.


    ¡°I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!¡± Garth shouted, a phrase usually reserved for disobedient sons.


    Ellanore gave an undignified chortle before rising to her feet. Wilson immediately began to rub up against her ankles like a cat.


    That¡¯s weird, he hasn¡¯t been this much of a horn dog even with Sandi, and she¡¯s the literal personification of everything I find arousing. At least visually, she was. The woman¡¯s demeanor seemed to promise unspeakable acts of pleasure in a way that Sandi was still working on. She was making progress, though, and Garth certainly enjoyed teaching her.


    ¡°I can feel Beladia¡¯s presence on you, indeed. What did you need from my temple today?¡±


    Wait, could it be the Beladia thing? That might explain Wilson¡¯s instant fascination with the woman. Was she messing with his head? Garth reflexively poked around his mind, but didn¡¯t find anything obvious, so he turned his attention back to the conversation.


    ¡°I need to re-establish my connection with Beladia, it was cut during Communion.¡±


    Dude, Garth heard Wilson in his head. She¡¯s not wearing any underwear. Garth got a quick flash from Wilson¡¯s point of view, almost subliminal.


    Garth was tempted to kick Wilson across the room, but the best way to prevent a scene was to play it off. Revealing that Wilson was perving on her wasn¡¯t going to make friends. Doing what he was doing was unacceptable¡­if he got caught. See if you can get a better look at her ass, Garth added mentally.


    Aye aye, captain!


    ¡°That¡¯s a serious problem,¡± Ellanore said, unaware of the quick dialogue between the two of them. ¡°Let¡¯s discuss this more in the offices.¡± She pointed off to the hall on the left before walking ahead, her hips swaying with each step.


    Wilson trotted close after her, doing his best to look with his eyes and not his neck.


    ¡°Oops,¡± Garth said, pulling out a handful of ten thousand credit coins and dropping them in the donation dish with a ringing clatter before hustling to keep up with the Seer, leaving Ellanore¡¯s daughter staring at the pile of wealth with her jaw hanging loose.


    ¡°Something I¡¯m a bit concerned about,¡± Garth said as he entered a quiet little office with comfortable padded chairs facing each other, ¡°do Seers have some kind of influence over the Apostles of the same deity?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯m surprised you noticed.¡± Ellanore said, motioning for him to take a seat in front of her. ¡°What you are most likely feeling is the resonance between our blessings. You should get over it in a matter of hours.¡±


    It didn¡¯t feel like resonance to Garth. It felt like his pants were three sizes too tight.


    ¡°Good to know.¡± Garth said, shoving the attraction out of his mind as best he could. He had more important things to do today.


    ¡°So tell me how a man became an apostle of Beladia, and how you lost your connection to Beladia,¡± she said, picking up a pot of tea and pouring it for the both of them.


    ¡°Is being a man uncommon?¡± Garth grimaced as he picked up the teacup. There was nothing wrong with tea, in particular, it was just water with weak flowers and shit in it, and lacked the punch his desensitized American tastebuds craved. He took a sip. As expected, it was like drinking bitter rose-water.


    Blech, not nearly unhealthy enough.


    ¡°May I add to this?¡± he asked, pointing at the cup.


    ¡°By all means.¡± She said, nodding. ¡°Beladia seldom favors men, and vice versa. Those she does tend to have a strong desire for companionship, stability, and children.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t say you¡¯re wrong about that.¡± Garth said, pulling out a soda-cane seed and sprouting it in his hand. It would be fun to have children to mould in his image. Of course, they were going to be daughters by default, and not human either, so that was a problem, but he¡¯d get around to it worrying about it later.


    Garth snapped off the modified sugarcane sprout and forced the sap to congeal at the tip, picking up the sugar and caffeine rich sap with a finger before dropping it into his cup, where it started to fizz.


    Garth licked the rest of it off his finger and winced as it went off like pop-rocks on his tongue. Might just have to sell it in syrup form, he thought. It was a kick in the face.


    ¡°Want some?¡± he asked, offering the green stalk oozing with sap.


    She eyed where it was fizzing in his cup and shrugged, taking a bit of the sap and dropping it in her drink before following his example and licking the rest off her finger.


    It might have been sultry and seductive, had she not immediately spat it out.


    ¡°Whoo!¡± Ellanore whooped, fanning her face and bouncing up and down as she worked her tongue around her teeth, trying to scrape the stinging bubbles off.


    ¡° S¡¯good, isn¡¯t it?¡± Garth asked, taking a sip of his sparkling, sweetened, caffeinated tea. Much better.


    ¡°If you say so,¡± Ellanore said, smacking her lips and tongue with a frown. She eyed the fizzing tea cautiously, but decided to risk a sip.


    ¡°Interesting.¡± She nodded, taking another sip.


    ¡°Anyway,¡± Garth leaned back in his chair and got comfortable. He handed the Soda-cane stalk to Wilson, who began chewing on it like a bone. ¡°It went down like this¡­¡±


    ***


    About two hours later, after a long story, many clarifying questions, and a bathroom break, Garth had spun the entire tale of his becoming an Apostle and how he¡¯d lost his connection to Beladia.


    ¡°I have good news and bad news.¡± Ellanore said.


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°The good news is that you did not anger Beladia and cause her to sever the connection herself. It means it can be rebuilt.¡±


    ¡°The bad news is that a truly powerful being destroyed your link with Beladia entirely. That¡¯s what the burning forest signified in your dream. Destruction. In order to speak to the goddess again, you¡¯ll have to forge a new connection, and that isn¡¯t easy.


    ¡°How not easy are we talking here?¡± Garth asked, ready to run a cost-benefit analysis. He¡¯d gotten along fine without her, and if they wanted him to slay the demigorgon, he¡¯d probably have to turn them down.


    ¡°We¡¯ll need an object of great power, linked to the power of nature.¡±


    Here it comes¡­


    ¡°Using the heartstone of the legendary Tanglewood, we could reforge your connection to Beladia, stronger than ever. Stronger than mine, even.¡±


    Nope, nope. Nope!


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m probably going to have to-¡° Garth was starting to stand when Ellanore interrupted him.


    ¡°Of course, consuming a heartstone like that would greatly enhance your magical power, and most likely offer you a class breakthrough as well as an evolution.¡±


    Garth sat back down.


    ¡°You¡¯ve reached the limit of what growth your class can afford you.¡± She said, taking a sip of plain tea, her hands shaking a bit from all the caffeine she¡¯d had earlier.


    ¡°How¡¯d you know?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a Seer. Knowing things is my specialty.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough.¡±


    ¡°In order to break through, you must either devote many years to the study of your magic, in quiet contemplation, or¡­


    ¡°Or?¡±


    ¡°Or you could defeat a powerful creature under the eyes of the gods and use its heartstone to advance your class. We could piggyback on that burst of power to reforge the link to Beladia as well. The foundation of the link is there, it just needs¡­¡±


    ¡°A kickstart. Prime the pump, so to speak.¡±


    Garth tapped his fingers on the chair. It sounded like killing this Tanglewood guy would make him quite a bit more powerful, in the long run, ergo less likely to get murdered.


    Except for the fact that Tanglewood would probably be trying to kill him. And Garth didn¡¯t like the sound of Legendary bad guys.


    Garth certainly wasn¡¯t in the Legendary league yet. But if she thought it was a death-sentence, would she even bring it up? That made Garth wonder a few things. Did he actually have to fight it or did he just need the stone, and what was Tanglewood exactly that made her think he could beat it? The name implied it was plant-based.


    ¡°Could I just hire someone else to kill Tanglewood?¡±


    ¡°I suppose, and we could definitely reforge the link with it, but you would miss out on the class advancement and the potential for another god to become your patron.¡±


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Because we¡¯re being watched.¡± She said with a smile. ¡°Every minute of every day, the gods can see what we do.¡±


    ¡°Well, I hope they enjoy the show.¡±


    ¡°If you were to simply hire a group of adventurers to destroy the Tanglewood, the gods would most likely find no reason to offer you patronage. Except maybe Entremond. You would also not push your class to its limit and achieve a higher rank.¡±


    She stood and turned, giving Garth an excellent view as she turned to retrieve something from a desk drawer behind her. Turning back, she held a simple silver amulet with an eye engraved into its surface.


    ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s an Amulet of Endeavor.¡±


    ¡°And it does¡­what?¡±


    ¡°When you wear this amulet, you attract the god¡¯s attention, for good or ill. It is often used by young men and women to seek Patronage. Put it on before attempting a heroic task, and the gods will judge your worth.¡±


    ¡°So don¡¯t bitch out once you put it on.¡± Garth said, extrapolating worst case scenarios. Saying ¡®hey watch this!¡¯ and then letting the gods down could end poorly.


    ¡°That would be best.¡±


    Garth weighed the amulet in his hand a moment before setting it down beside him.


    ¡°So tell me about this Tanglewood fellow, and I¡¯ll tell you if I¡¯ll consider it.¡±


    ¡°Tanglewood is the name of a treant so old it became an entire forest. It moves around nearby and hunters frequently go missing when they stumble across it.¡±


    Garth blinked.


    ¡°You want me to fight a moving forest?¡±


    ¡°it¡¯s an evil forest,¡± she said, avoiding his gaze.


    ¡°You want me to fight an evil, legendary, moving forest?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    Garth drummed his fingers on the wood armrests some more.


    ¡°And you aren¡¯t just asking me to do this because it¡¯s a convenient way of getting rid of the evil forest plaguing your village, are you? You¡¯re not going to tell me later that reestablishing the connection to Beladia is easy right?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ it would make it easier for me¡­¡± Ellanore said, glancing to the side.


    ¡°Is it possible to do without the Heartstone?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± She sighed.


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Garth rubbed his chin. He still wanted that fancy Heartstone if it could do even half the things she said it would. ¡°Okay. I will try to destroy your evil, legendary, moving forest. Don¡¯t expect me to throw my life away, though. Afterward, you hook me back up with Beladia, forest gone or not.¡±


    She pursed her lips, watching him with narrowed eyes, considering his offer.


    ¡°And I¡¯ll pay you half a million credits.¡±


    ¡°Deal.¡±

 Chapter 72: Run, Forest, Run!

    It took Garth a week to set up properly, charging a few dozen specially designed seeds, and arranging contingency plans.


    He located the local Adventurers guild in the large city nearby and hired a couple high ranked teams to be on-call in case the forest overpowered him. Never hurts to be prepared.


    He also spent a whole day finding a lady merc with impeccable references to go and bodyguard Sandi, and to a lesser extent, Clarkstown. Garth knew it was probably a stupid thing to do, considering that kind of behavior usually came right before or right after a bodyguard was needed in stories.


    Fortunately, in real life, hiring a bodyguard increased survivability substantially and wasn¡¯t some death flag.


    Probably.


    Garth stood in front of twelve men and women, addressing them outside Beladia¡¯s temple, in the center of the little village. They were a motly crew, some eight men and four women dressed in dinged steel ¨C Garth even saw a bite mark in one ¨C and scuffed, ragged boiled leather.


    Three of the women seemed to be spellcasters, and five of the men looked like straight up meatheads, which made Garth sigh a little internally.


    They were two of the best adventuring parties in the city, experienced in life and death battles in the depths of ancient dungeons. One of the parties, a nimble team of corio, had even shut one down.


    The other team was mostly composed of orcs with heavy swords as long as they were, with two withered, shaman looking sisters leading them. They were excellent heavy hitters, adept at taking on big game or locking down one spot. If they were attacked by trees, Garth was confident they could bisect them without a second strike.


    The corio team was more stealth based, with three lithe stealth specialists and two magical heavy hitters led by a ranger. They were reputed to sneak up on their prey and use their glass cannons in devastating sneak attacks. He¡¯d need them to track Tanglewood if it ran away.


    ¡°So here¡¯s the deal. You already heard most of the details back in the city, but I¡¯m gonna go over it one more time so we¡¯re all on the same page, then you can ask me questions, if you have any. Your job is to wait here and if the Tanglewood kicks my ass or starts to outrun me, I want you to hunt it down and kill it.¡±


    Garth pointed at the amulet resting on his chest. ¡°As you can see, I¡¯m doing this with the hope of receiving divine patronage, but whether I succeed or not, I want that creature¡¯s heartstone. Now, the reason you¡¯re waiting here and not following me into the forest is because this village is the closest settlement to Tanglewood, and it¡¯s possible it¡¯ll try to take it out if I make him mad.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t intend to be the guy that got a bunch of people killed because he fucked up attempting a trial. I have important business contacts here who wouldn¡¯t look kindly on collateral damage, so safety of the villagers is priority one. After that is killing Tanglewood. After all that, have a good time, but keep yourselves ready to go and relatively sober. Once the fireworks start, you need to be at the top of your game.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± Garth said, pulling a box out of his Status Band and opening it in front of them, ¡°And help yourself to a sample of my line of Better Than Bandages cocaine for adventurers. It¡¯s got magical hemostatic properties, minor healing, along with a numbing effect. Best of all, it¡¯s one hundredth the price of a healing potion. Sprinkle it on wounds to stop bleeding and pain while kickstarting the healing process, or inhale it for a burst of confidence and energy, good for those last ditch efforts. It¡¯s a cheaper alternative to bandages and potions.¡±


    The orcs, already full of confidence, simply stood with their arms crossed, while the more opportunistic corio pocketed more than enough for their group. Garth didn¡¯t really mind. spreading the word was part of the job. If the corio resold it, it was all the same to him.


    ¡°Remember not to take more than two shots inside six hours, or your heart might explode, and for the love of Beladia, don¡¯t give it to children.¡±


    One of the orc¡¯s eyebrows raised. ¡°My heart might explode?¡±


    ¡°If you took too many, yeah.¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m not going to sugarcoat it, this stuff is potent, professional use only, meant for emergencies. Why do you think it¡¯s in such small vials?¡±


    ¡°Sounds interesting.¡± The orc stepped forward and took one of the remaining vials and dumped it into his hand. Before Garth could stop him, he inhaled the whole thing. The orc spent the next minute sneezing.


    Shit. Gath thought as the attention of the rest of the adventurers turned toward the claymore bearing orc.


    ¡°I can¡¯t feel my face.¡± he said once the sneezes were under control, tapping his nose. ¡°Wait a minute, I forgot to send a letter to Bisha before we left! I¡¯ll run there real quick, be right back!¡± the orc dropped into a dead run toward the city some hundred and fifty miles distant. At the edge of the village, he began whooping and jumping ten feet in the air and flailing his arms as he ran.


    ¡°Kurgoth, go fetch your brother before he runs into the Tanglewood.¡± One of the old orc shamans said, while the other took four vials form Garth and put them in her medicine pouch.


    ¡°Don¡¯t let them get used to it.¡± Garth whispered to her. ¡°Could be habit forming.¡±


    ¡°I appreciate the advice,¡± she said, giving him a rotten-toothed grin. ¡°But I know my way around medicines.¡± From the looks of it, the shamans were the responsible ones, and their troops were their..children? interesting dynamic.


    The orc had reached the edge of the woods, still hollering, and his brother was having trouble catching up.


    ¡°Let me help with that.¡± Garth said, reaching out with telekinesis and snagging the orc around the waist and picking him up. The idiot¡¯s legs continued to flail a good five seconds after Garth picked him up and began dragging him back to town.


    Garth didn¡¯t want them fucking around on his time.


    When he deposited the orc in front of the elders, one slapped him across the face, and when that didn¡¯t get his attention, the other kicked him in the shin.


    ¡°ow, what, what?¡± He said, glancing down at the two crones.


    ¡°The letter can wait Bugart. In the meantime, set up our rooms, help out with chores. Chop firewood, haul water.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m on it!¡± the orc shouted, bumping his fist against his chest as he began to run about the village, causing people to dodge out of his way as he ran.


    ¡°How long will it last?¡± the elder asked, watching her son sprinting through town to do his chores.


    ¡°My stuff will last about an hour. Longer if ingested, shorter if injected.¡±


    Her sister¡¯s eyes narrowed as she watched her nephew, before turning back to Garth and looking him up and down.


    ¡°My name¡¯s Okresha Bindas, send me a catalogue of your wares once our business here is concluded.¡±


    ***


    After everything was settled, Garth brought Wilson up into the sky and began to search for Tanglewood.


    Garth had trained a version of his combat dodder back to having a taste for plants rather than flesh, giving the parasitic plant a triple stack of recursive plant growth. There were six of those in his bandolier. Garth didn¡¯t think he needed more than that, seeing as each generation had hundreds if not thousands of seeds.


    Dodder was much more explosive than wheat.


    In addition, Garth had whipped up a moss that could cling like the dickens, climbing up anything and everything it could, achieving stickiness with modified pine sap. The substance was a bit more flammable and stickier than regular pine sap.


    At the end of the reproductive cycle the moss would self-ignite with a little spark he¡¯d worked into the spell. It should be able to clear out several acres of woods at a time. The concept Garth was going for was natural napalm.


    ¡°Are we concerned about forest fires?¡± Wilson asked as they floated above the woods, keeping an eye out for a moving forest.


    ¡°Yes, which is why we hired high level adventurers to keep the village safe.¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m not going to pull my punches, though. That¡¯s a good way to your ass killed. We¡¯ll worry about a potential forest fire when the Tanglewood is ashes.¡±


    ¡°According to Ellanore the last place someone went missing was west of the village.¡± Garth said as he peered to the west, observing the lush green hills, not quite tall enough to build snow on the tops of them.


    A few minutes of watching later and Wilson tugged his shirt. ¡°Ooh, ooh, I see it!¡± He pointed off into the distance to the southwest, where one of the mountains seemed to be¡­melting.


    ¡°Damn, that¡¯s big.¡±


    The illusion was achieved as a large portion of the trees on the side of the mountain were slowly sliding down its side, making their way into a valley that led further south, pooling into a lake of trees before it began to slide through the valley like a verdant river.


    It might seem slow from their distance, but it must have been pushing eighty miles an hour to go from the top of the mountain to the bottom in a matter of minutes. It was big, and it was fast, but¡­it can¡¯t fly.


    Garth put up his windshield and put on speed, heading for the Tanglewood. In a matter of minutes, He¡¯d closed the distance, and was hovering several hundred feet above the moving forest. The forest had come to a complete stop, and was utterly indistinguishable from a normal, non-maneating forest.


    Garth was briefly tempted to announce his presence to the forest and try to make sure he wasn¡¯t being used by an evil witch to destroy a unicorn or some other noble creature, but then decided he didn¡¯t care enough to give up the element of surprise.


    ¡°Bombs away,¡± Garth said, dropping a couple pea-sized dodder seeds into the forest. Garth had time to dust his hands as the seeds shrank into the distance.


    ¡°Hopefully that¡¯s all we have to do, and the rest of the evening can be spent getting my blessing back, and going home.¡± Garth said, waiting for the dodder to hit the forest floor.


    ¡°Do you think just nuking the site from orbit is gonna get you any favor with the gods?¡±


    ¡°Well, not with the god of getting yourself killed like an idiot, obviously, but they¡¯re a diverse bunch. Here¡¯s hoping some gods place a premium on results rather than-


    Garth¡¯s words were cut off as the forest spasmed like a horse that just got bit. An instant later, a tower of wood speared into the sky, crushing Garth from beneath so hard he thought his shins were going to be driven into his lungs.


    ***


    When Garth opened his eyes again, wood was pressing down on him from every direction, the sound of wind whipped by just outside the vice that was crushing him.


    If the wind was still whipping by, Garth was only unconscious for a second or two. A little g-force assisted short-term memory loss.


    ¡°Garth, you alright?¡±


    He heard Wilson¡¯s voice coming from outside. Was Wilson in trouble or did Tanglewood not see him as a living creature? Only way to find out was to go and see. With a mental brush of his hand, and an application of Control Plant, Garth willed the surrounding wood to bend away from him.


    It creaked and moaned, struggling to press in on him, but Garth was able to get loose enough to shoot out a narrow pocket, back into the open sky. Offshoots from the massive gnarl of wood pursued him, and more grew out of the ground, aiming for Garth. He decided to duck and weave, keeping his eyes open for Wilson


    ¡°Wilson, where you at?¡± Garth shouted over the roaring of constantly snapping wood that sounded like an avalanche on crack.


    ¡°Here!¡± Garth got a mental tug that brought his attention down to where Wilson was, some seventy feet off the ground on a branch that was trying to grow faster than Wilson could dissolve it with his spines.


    Garth took a quick glance above him, where the mass of wood was beginning to spread out above him like the legendary Ygdrasil, creating a canopy that drowned out the light. In the distance, more towers of wood were growing up, creating a cage.


    I guess it doesn¡¯t know I can teleport. Garth thought, heading for Wilson. With a mental jerk, Garth picked Wilson up and threw him screaming at unearthly speeds toward the nearest empty spot in the forming canopy. The same strategy was still possible. There had to be a limit to how far the forest could stretch. Garth just didn¡¯t know he was still in the splash zone.


    Now we know why it¡¯s a legendary forest, Garth thought as he slung Wilson upward.


    ¡°AAAH! What the heeell!¡± Wilson screamed, squirming in midair as he shot through the opening in the wooden ceiling.


    That done, Garth dived down, aiming for the ground, thousands of tons of wood following him. On the way down, he popped open his bandolier and took out his fire-moss, throwing the pods out as he pulled up, weaving out of the way of an approaching tree trunk.


    Once Garth saw the green moss that began spreading everywere start to turn yellow, then red, he bailed.


    With a thought, Garth bailed, teleporting another thousand feet up, catching Wilson as the lizard reached the apex of his flight. I¡¯m gonna have to make Wilson some enchantments so I don¡¯t have to babysit him. Some of his most obvious design flaws were the most glaringly obvious in the heat of battle.


    Garth looked down at the writhing forest beneath him, a bit of blood stinging his right eye as the massive four hundred foot tall canopy formed a face.


    Never thought I¡¯d see that.


    ¡°MEAT!¡± the face spoke with a voice of tortured wood grinding on wood


    Five.


    ¡°I WILL RUN MY ROOTS THROUGH YOUR VILE FLESH!¡±


    Four.


    ¡°NONE DARE CHALLENGE HE WHO IS MIGHTY IN HIS DOMAIN!


    Three.


    ¡°BEHOLD THE POWER THAT SINGS OF YOUR DEATH, INSIGNIFANT MEAT!


    Two, one.


    The forest burst into flame.

 Chapter 73: I don’t Recall the Rest.

    ¡°You didn¡¯t bring any marshmallows or anything, did you?¡± Wilson asked as the forest began to wail, a deep noise that reverberated through Garth¡¯s chest.


    ¡°Nah,¡± Garth said, backing them away from hovering directly above the forest lest they roast or suffocate from the rising hot air.


    ¡°Bummer.¡±


    ¡°True, just sitting here and watching is a bit anticlimactic, but it¡¯s not like I wanted a fair fight anyway.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, fuck that.¡±


    A great hand about the size of a towering redwood reached out of the flames, clawed grasp aiming toward the sky.


    ¡°You think he¡¯s gonna do the Terminator 2 thing and give us a thumbs up?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°Probably not.¡±


    ¡°MONSOOON!¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    Garth looked up and away from the burning forest and saw storm clouds coalescing out of nothing in every direction. The treant was trying to put himself out!


    ¡°Sonofabitch!¡± Who gave you permission to control the weather??


    With the crack of thunder, the sky burst open, unleashing a downpour of heavy, thick raindrops on them. In a matter of moments, the forest was out, and Garth was soaked.


    What do I do? The Dodder must not have worked, or else he¡¯d be a lot¡­ deader right now, and he rendered the firemoss useless. Garth worked through his options as the hand dragged a head and shoulders out of the ground, revealing a creature of wood and leaf that would give Godzilla a run for his money.


    The only weakness I know this thing has is its heartstone. It had the same weakness of any living creature in this fantasy-dimension, but Garth didn¡¯t know any way of locating it. Stay calm, it¡¯s most likely in its center of mass or buried in its head.


    ¡°WINDS!¡±


    Hurricane force winds began to assault Garth, nearly tugging him out of the sky. With a bit of extra mental effort, he encased himself in a Force Shield baffle.


    It drew a second castle-shattering arm out of the ground, and began pulling itself upright in the center of its own hurricane.


    Wait, it¡¯s got one more weakness. It¡¯s made of wood. his Control Plant spell had worked on it well enough to allow him to escape.


    Garth wasn¡¯t able to control nearly enough plant matter to make the big guy kill himself, or even hold him still, but, he could create a construct that might let him reach the Heartstone.


    Garth closed his eyes, creating a simple mental construct and channeling all the mana he could form his Lantern into it. In a few short seconds, Garth had a mental construct dedicated to pushing any plant matter within ten feet away from him.


    The giant pulled itself the rest of the way out of the ground and fixed Garth with a malevolent stare, his empty eyes filled with a brilliant green energy. Garth was still several hundred feet out of the thing¡¯s reach, but not for long.


    Start at the top of the head and run down his center, should give the best chance of finding the heartstone.


    ¡°SKY, FIRE!¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s skyfire-Oh crap.¡±


    A bolt of lightning took Garth in the shoulder, burning off the upper right portion of his jacket. It caused his Force armor to flare up and short out in an explosion of white, and the raw white energy didn¡¯t give a damn about how stiff his skin was, burning a fractal pattern across his flesh.


    Garth felt the energy go for his heart, and try as he might, the sheer amount of uncontrolled mana couldn¡¯t be slowed by his meager human brain. He felt like he were trying to hold onto a four-wheel drive truck with his fingernails.


    The scouring mana flowing through his body stopped just shy of his heart, disrupted and absorbed by the powerful enchantments buried right above it. Garth¡¯s whole body spasmed uncontrollably, and he began to fall out of the sky like a mosquito that made love to the coils of a bug zapper. Garth had been swatted.


    The wind whipped by his ears as he fell, force shield baffle dropped. The ground expanded beneath him, trees rapidly growing in size as he fell. Garth struggled to regain control of his flight and arrest his fall, but he was already in range of the massive treant¡¯s arms.


    Tanglewood lunged forward, clapping two hands the size of houses around Garth with a deafening concussive blast. A stormy day turned to night in a fraction of a second, and as Garth slipped between the giant hands, it turned back to day.


    The mental construct dutifully made sure no plant matter came within ten feet of him, deforming the creature¡¯s palm, allowing him to continue his fall unhindered.


    Garth snapped out of his stupor halfway to the creature¡¯s knee, getting dangerously close to the ground. Garth gritted his teeth and put everything into recovering altitude. His body might be able to withstand a thousand foot fall with all his enchantments, but his brain would be a pancake.


    Garth looked around for Wilson as he pulled up, skimming the tops of the trees as the giant slowly opened his hands to check for human remains. Well, Wilson didn¡¯t have a brain, hopefully he would be fine.


    Garth glanced up and made his way toward the treant¡¯s thigh. Before Tanglewood could recover and slap him out of the air, Garth dove into the gargantuan leg that used bundled trees like muscle fibers.


    The trees opened up and garth burrowed into the flesh of the monster like a parasitic worm, heading for a major organ. In this case, the only major organ he knew of. Treants might not have hearts, or lungs, but everything had a Heartstone, and couldn¡¯t live without one.


    Garth had no frame of reference, in the darkness inside the treant, but he pulled up his memory of the giant¡¯s posture and what he expected him to do now that there was a human wriggling through his insides. None of that went exactly to plan.


    Rather than scream and claw at his skin as a human might, the treant simply turned it¡¯s focus inward, lashing out at Garth with arms and legs formed from individual trunks and branches, aiming to squash him.


    The construct continued to faithfully bend the trees out of the way, but some of them brushed against his hair or snagged his clothes, nearly overpowering his spell with sheer force.


    Garth turned straight upward when he felt he¡¯d reached the waist. The Heartstone might not be in the center of mass, but Garth would deal with that if it happened. Tanglewood didn¡¯t exactly trike him as the kind of guy to specially hide his weak spot. Hell, who would, if they were four hundred and fifty feet tall and immortal?


    He wasn¡¯t sure if he¡¯d even be able to see the Heartstone in the dim light, but in a matter of moments, Garth¡¯s effort was rewarded. In the dark forest of tangling branches, Garth could make out a brilliantly glowing green light.


    Either I made it all the way up to the eye already, or that¡¯s the Heartstone, Garth thought, angling for it.


    The Heartstone was about the size of Garth¡¯s fist, several orders of magnitude bigger than anything he¡¯d ever seen on a creature before. It was clutched by an almost hand-like set of roots, feeding power up the ancient trunk and into the rest of the creature¡¯s body.


    I hope Ellanore doesn¡¯t want me to swallow that, Garth thought as he formed a simple blade of ironwood and began hacking at the roots. Or worse, take it as a suppository.


    ¡°AAAAGH!¡± The treant¡¯s pained shout reverberated through Garth¡¯s little cave where he was attempting to tear away the Heartstone. Garth was about halfway done when the treant decided to make things difficult.


    Tanglewood stumbled forward, trying to dislodge Garth. Floating in midair without anything to hang onto within grasping distance, the Heartstone flickered away from him, moving forward without him.


    Crap. Garth put on a burst of speed to follow, but the damn stone did a head fake, whipping past him and going far in the other direction. An instant later, he came out of the dark confines of the treant¡¯s chest and out into the gale force wind and rain of the storm surrounding them.


    The sudden wind threw Garth off and he tumbled away from the treant who was madly running away and screaming. Parts of its body were sloughing off at it ran, shedding height and weight as the damaged connection to its Heartstone took its toll.


    The giant¡¯s legs were tracking great furrows through the air, each stumbling step like the crash site of a passenger jet. And it was heading toward the village.


    Garth put on speed, plunging into the creature¡¯s back and dismissing the construct just as he hit the Heartstone, tackling the ancient tree with bodily force. Garth seized the partially uncovered gemstone with one hand, and as trunks were trying to push him away, unceremoniously yanked it out of its cradle.


    The roots snapped like dry twigs, showing the behemoth¡¯s age as he severed its connection to its power source.


    The trees bundled around him held still for a breathless instant, then they began to shift, before they began to come crashing down, filling the air with the sound of tortured wood.


    The last thing Garth saw was a branch bigger than his head going straight for his eyes.


    ***


    ¡°And then when the flood came, you organized the adventurers to keep everyone safe, and built a wooden dam in a matter of seconds, despite the howling winds and pouring rain, diverting the insta-river away and making sure the entire village wasn¡¯t washed away by the ungodly storm.¡± Wilson said, gesticulating wildly.


    Garth was vacuum sealed into a goose down bed, tucked in by some kind of professional tucker, so securely adhered to the comfortable bed that he felt he might cling to it eve if the whole thing were turned upside down. Garth stared up at the ceiling of Beladia¡¯s temple in the center of town. His whole body ached, despite his enchantments that should have returned him to perfect health within minutes of injury.


    He was simply exhausted.


    ¡°Did any of that actually happen?¡± Garth asked, looking over at Ellanore, who sat in the chair beside his bed while Wilson was in the other.


    ¡°It did, although in retrospect, you may have had a concussion. I should have noticed, what with the bloody nose, ears, eyes and the way you were staggering around. And your pupils wouldn¡¯t contract, either.¡± Ellanore said.


    Garth gave her a look. That was textbook concussion. They let him keep going after all that?


    ¡°To be fair, it was a very rough night last night. We didn¡¯t notice most of your symptoms until after the storm had subsided and you fainted.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t use the word faint.¡± Garth protested. ¡°Say collapsed, or succumbed to exhaustion. Men don¡¯t faint.¡±


    Ellanore chortled. ¡°Okay, you collapsed from exhaustion before we brought you into a lighted environment, where we could more clearly make out the details of your injuries. You were clutching a brilliant green heartstone, which is right here.¡± She lifted the green gemstone into Garth¡¯s vision.


    The Heartstone was jagged and crystalline, looking almost like a quartz crystal, but for it¡¯s color and crackling inner radiance.


    ¡°You¡¯re lucky I was the first one to see this.¡± Ellanore said. ¡°The Heartstone of a creature like Tanglewood is priceless, and more respectable teams have done heinous things to acquire them.


    ¡°Then what are the adventurers doing?¡±


    ¡°Searching the body for the Heartstone.¡± Wilson said with a shrug.


    ¡°Huh.¡±


    ¡°Here, we can re-establish your connection to Beladia while you rest,¡± Ellanore said, peeling away Garth¡¯s covers and revealing his bare chest.


    ¡°Umm¡­ I¡¯m sorry, but I¡¯m already-¡°


    she put the Heartstone against his chest and folded his hands over it before dropping the covers back down.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Nothing.¡±


    ¡°Try to relax and drift off while focusing on the Heartstone. May Beladia guide you.¡±


    She leaned down and kissed his forehead. Garth felt energy creeping from the center of his forehead, settling down through his eyes and into his brain like water trickling through loose soil, rejuvenating and relaxing him.


    Garth closed his eyes, allowing his mind to drift where it would, pendulously drawn toward the crystal held against his chest, a small green sun that his consciousness orbited around. As Garth relaxed more and more, he sank closer and closer to the green sun, until his awareness dove straight into it, drawn inexorably to the center.


    Everything went black.

 Chapter 74: Next Tier

    ¡°Good to see you again,¡± Beladia said from behind the round desk overlooking him. Once again, Garth found himself surrounded by gods, the larger-than life individuals looking down at him like a bug under a microscope.


    All around him the room was black, with no visible sources of illumination, and somehow, each god was perfectly lit in that black void.


    Eight of them, in fact.


    Garth recognized Hastia and Entramond. The god of luck and greed seemed to be wearing a new shirt with shiny obsidian buttons, and he played with an American half dollar between his fingers. Probably to appeal to Garth¡¯s nostalgia. Entramond scowled.


    Hastia seemed to be wearing living fire that just barely covered her lithe body ¨C when you were looking ¨C at times he thought he saw the fire flicker teasingly aside for an instant out of the corner of his eye. She watched him with a bemused smirk.


    Other than the three he knew, there were another five gods.


    A man wearing a mad-max outfit consisting of a bunch of black leather and piercings, along with a mohawk. He seemed dark skinned and wide-jawed, covered in scars. Indian perhaps?


    A white haired man wearing a billowing grey robe made of clouds flickering with electricity. His hair was uneaven and frayed, even burned in some places, and he had an intense look to him.


    There was a raven-haired woman with ruby lips wearing a dress that seemed to be made of latex, bumping out with her nipples, and seemingly open around her belly button and below. The rest of her was blocked by the desk.


    A brown haired man sat beside her, wearing an odd assortment of furs and rags, with sunken cheeks, patchy hair and regarding Garth with a rotten-toothed grin.


    At last was a person who seemed to be cloaked in shadow, form barely differentiated from the darkness behind them. Garth couldn¡¯t get any hint on the god¡¯s identity other than that ther was a dark form and a pair of eyes staring at him.


    Since they were reading his thoughts, the introduction process was swift.


    ¡°Delipas,¡± The mad-max guy said. ¡°God of anarchy and freedom.¡±


    ¡°Gorn, God of storms.¡± The guy literally wearing a storm said. At least made sure people knew who he was, even if they didn¡¯t know who he was.


    ¡°Munasei, goddess of lust.¡± Said the vacuum sealed woman.


    ¡°Jerry, god of revelry and intoxication.¡± Said the unhealthy looking man beside her.


    ¡°Pala, god of enigma and shadow.¡± The shadow on the far end of the table whispered.


    ¡°You¡¯ve come here to petition a Patron, and we are the ones who find you interesting,¡± Entramond said.


    ¡°Is this replacing my link with Beladia?¡± Garth asked, glancing around the room with a frown. ¡°Because her patronage has been agreeable with me so far.¡±


    ¡°No, your contribution to the effort against the Kipling has been recognized. We are able to tell exactly how many people were aided by your actions thus far, and attribute a fraction of their contribution to you. We now also feel that you have a good chance of living long enough to pay our investment in you back.¡± Hastia spoke.


    ¡°Is there a limit to the number of patrons?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°None but the limit of mortality.¡± The shadow in the corner of the room spoke, barely above a whisper.


    ¡°Three is usually the limit.¡± Jerry offered.


    ¡°Alright, what have you got?¡± Garth asked. Might as well start figuring out who Patron #2 would be.


    ¡°Not so fast.¡± Beladia said. ¡°There¡¯s rules you need to be aware of.¡±


    Entramond clicked his tongue.


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°You are allowed to select more than one blessing, in exchange for a permanent decrease in an attribute¡¯s capacity.¡± Beladia said.


    ¡°How much?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Five points each.¡±


    Ouch. Five points was half a person¡¯s weight in power, roughly.


    ¡°Wait, why didn¡¯t it cost me anything with you?¡±


    Beladia blushed.


    ¡°Because I felt like it.¡±


    ¡°Beladia has yet to recoup a small fraction of the energy she has devoted to you. But such selflessness is in her nature,¡± Hastia said.


    ¡°Hummm¡­ Do I get to choose what attribute is lowered?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Can I receive more blessings during communion, in exchange for attribute points?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Now or never, huh?¡± Garth said. All right, lets figure out who we¡¯ll be going with.


    Delipas offered a literal get out of jail free card, a boost fighting the powers that be, enhanced chaos magic and a resistance to mind control.


    Gorn offered a quickening ability similar to a barbarian rage, lightning resistance, enhanced weather magic, and a voice of thunder.


    Munasei offered an empathic cloak, the ability to keep a clear head, enhanced emotion magic and an ability to influence people via touch.


    Jerry offered immunity to the nasty side effects of drugs and resistance to poisons, a deeper understanding of both, the ability to create an area of effect when imbibing any drug, and a reduced need to sleep.


    Pala offered a resistance to scrying and truth-telling magic, enhanced illusion magic, a talent for deceit, and a shadow affinity


    Hastia again offered beauty, enhanced fire magic, strength, and a knack for destroying things.


    Entramond offered luck, business acumen, Enhanced Chaos magic, and discounts at various Entramond worshipping temples and businesses.


    Cheap, the last one¡¯s not even magical. Garth thought as he mulled over the choices. Is it just me or are most of the gods that like me not necessarily¡­good? Kinda neutral, I guess.


    Crap, I think I feel a bout of decision paralysis coming on.


    ¡°May I ask some clarifying questions?¡±


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°Delipas, does it bother you that I¡¯m making a government on earth?¡±


    Delipas shrugged. ¡°Your world order won¡¯t last long.¡±


    ¡°Will your blessing interfere with creating and administering a new Earth government?¡±


    ¡°To some extent, yes.¡±


    Delipas nodded, reading Garth¡¯s intention. With a wave of his hand, the deity disappeared from the room.


    ¡°What is the empathic cloak ability?¡± Garth asked Munasei.


    ¡°It aligns others with how you are feeling, making them more¡­receptive.¡± She said.


    The lust goddess¡¯s powers were incredibly useful for manipulating people and getting laid, but to Garth, it felt just a bit¡­disingenuous. Damn. Why do I have to pick just one?


    ¡°Because that is the way it is,¡± Gorn said.


    Garth glanced at him. Weather magic, like the treant had. It paired well with plant magic. The other abilities weren¡¯t immediately helpful, although the quickening ability could certainly help win a fight or two.


    Jerry synergized well with his plant magic as well. He could create more potent, complicated drugs and poisons, all while having a resistance to their ill effects. The area of effect ability was interesting, too, giving him the ability to indirectly drug a group of people by dosing himself. Garth supposed it was his revelry domain, allowing him to start a party anywhere he went, whether they wanted to or not.


    ¡°Did I get anything from the mutant Heartstone?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s still being decided,¡± Beladia responded.


    Huh.


    Pala began to grin as the gears in Garth¡¯s head turned.


    ¡°If it¡¯s in Beladia¡¯s nature to take extra care of me¡­Then it can be surmised that the rest of you will follow your nature in your dealings with me.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Yess.¡± The shadow hissed.


    The problem was, Garth didn¡¯t have anything more than a vague idea of their nature based on their domains.


    ¡°Would you lie to me, Pala, or perhaps give me a blessing other than what I asked for?¡±


    ¡°The blessings themselves are at face value, though I do appreciate your suspicion. It makes the anticipation sweeter.¡± The androgynous voice whispered into the room.


    Okay, he or she is creepy. That leaves me with Hastia and Entramond.


    Hastia seemed as cheerful as ever, but her gifts were unsuited for Garth now, given the road he¡¯d taken. The enhanced fire magic was useful, but the rest of it didn¡¯t really appeal to him anymore.


    Entramond was cutting corners by offering Garth two nonmagical benefits, but luck could be very helpful¡­.


    ¡°When you said the roll of the dice would favor me, did you just mean you tilt the odds of games of chance in my favor, and not constant luck at all times?¡±


    Entramond smirked and vanished.


    Don¡¯t need to make money gambling, damnit. The god of greed was stingy, go figure.


    That left Garth with five people to choose from.


    ¡°Ma¡¯am, I¡¯d love to pick you as my next patron, but I believe your power would most likely turn me into a monster in the long run.¡±


    ¡°Maybe next time,¡± Munasei said before vanishing.


    Reading his thoughts, Hastia gave him a nod before leaving.


    That left Garth with three.


    Gorn, Jerry and Pala.


    Gorn would help his city-building by allowing him to better understand and control the weather, along with a decent combat boost.


    Jerry would help his business by raising his ability to design drugs, as well as give him an interesting, exploitable utility ability. With those abilities and double plant specialization, Garth could probably aim for the top of the luxury consumables world.


    Pala wouldn¡¯t directly help his business or his city building, but gave him protection against other magic users using the Scry-and-fry method on him, and the ability to lie to anyone. Useful if he ever found himself embroiled in Inner Sphere politics.


    ¡°What¡¯s an affinity for shadow?¡± Garth asked Pala.


    ¡°The dark will welcome you into its embrace with open arms.¡±


    Awfully vague. ¡°Any penalties for that?¡±


    ¡°None.¡±


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ve made my decision.¡± Garth said.


    All the gods except Beladia and the shadow in the corner blinked out of existence.


    ¡°Interesting choice.¡± Pala said.


    ¡°My end goal in life isn¡¯t to make the best beer or cigars in the multiverse, nor is it to babysit my city by managing the weather every day. It¡¯s to bring the world together so that it can withstand the Inner Spheres, so it doesn¡¯t have to be the property of some clan. That¡¯s going to make enemies. And I bet there are very few out there who can help me avoid powerful enemies like you can.¡±


    ¡°What blessings do you wish for?¡±


    ¡°All of ¡®em,¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯ll pay ten from strength, five from Endurance.¡±


    In the inky pool in front of him, a bright white smile emerged, like the Cheshire Cat. It wasn¡¯t inhuman though, far from it. It was as if someone pasted a normal human mouth on a shadow, which made it all the more strange. There were even a couple crooked teeth. ¡°I see why Entramond likes you, greedy child. Very well.¡±


    ¡°Time for the ritual.¡±


    The barrier dividing them vanished, and the humanoid shadow stepped forward, standing in front of him, alongside Beladia.


    ¡°After you,¡± Pala whispered, motioning to Garth.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take it easy on you this time,¡± Beladia said with a wink. The goddess wrapped in leaves leaned forward, and planted a kiss on Garth¡¯s forehead, in the same spot Ellanore had placed hers. I wonder if that¡¯s a coincidence or not. garth thought as Beladia¡¯s wobbling boobs hung in front of him.


    He felt the energy flow through his skull, tickle against his sinuses like honey before burying itself in his heart.


    ¡°Stronger than ever,¡± Beladia said in satisfaction, admiring her handiwork.


    ¡°We don¡¯t have to¡­¡± Garth trailed off.


    ¡°I figured you needed it last time.¡± Beladia shrugged. ¡°You seem a lot more relaxed now.¡±


    ¡°fair enough,¡±


    ¡°My turn.¡±


    I really hope this isn¡¯t painful. Garth thought as the shadow stepped toward him. contrary to his expectations, the shadow didn¡¯t grab him or pierce him with some kind of shadow substance.


    Nope, instead it walked right through him.


    Garth felt a comfortable chill suffuse his entire body, like a cool nook on a hot day. The chill first settled on his skin, then it turned inward, cooling his flesh, then his bones, until the only place he could feel it was in his skeleton. It wasn¡¯t painful, and it wasn¡¯t anything more than cool. The chill of a shadow.


    Garth felt like a creature of shadow, cool on the inside, wearing a meat-suit to prove he was still a real boy. God I hope this wasn¡¯t a mistake.


    Pala turned around behind him and traced fingers over his brows, and the chilling sensation dribbled down into the corners of his eyes before sinking into his brain.


    ¡°There is nothing that we can give you that you could not have achieved yourself, Apostle. Do not fear what already exists inside you.¡± Pala said.


    ¡°See you tomorrow night!¡± Beladia said, waving.


    Garth¡¯s eyes opened, revealing a green lizard the size of a dog sleeping on his chest. The homespun curtains were bright with the dawn, spilling golden sunlight onto the floor beside him.


    The crystal Heartstone was gone, and Garth was naked under the sheets. Did I absorb it or did someone take off with it? Garth was willing to bet it was the former.


    With a few glances around, Garth spotted his homemade Status band and put it on.


    Garth Daniels


    Human-adjacent


    ????


    Apostle of Beladia & Pala


    -Strength- 11+10


    -Endurance- 16+10


    -Speed- 21+10


    -Intelligence- 42+10


    -Memory- 35+10


    -Senses- 36+10


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility, Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Affinity


    Class: Journeyman Phytomagus


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting, Divine Lantern Style


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind, Mind palace, Memory Lane, Plant Biology, Control Weather


    Oh, geez, that¡¯s a lot to unpack.

 Chapter 75: A Moment’s Peace

    ¡°Honey, I¡¯m home!¡± Garth called as he turned the knob of his treehouse and pushed. Garth¡¯s forehead slammed into the wooden panel when the door didn¡¯t budge. Was there furniture barricading the other side of the door or was he just crazy?


    ¡°Who is it?¡± Came an unfamiliar voice, and a panel he hadn¡¯t noticed before slid open with a clack. Behind it was the scarred cheekbones of a thrask woman. Ah, it was Sandi¡¯s bodyguard. Apparently she hadn¡¯t been necessary, and now he was being denied entry to his house and his girlfriend.


    ¡°The guy who hired you, remember?¡±


    The thrask¡¯s eyes narrowed for a moment, then the panel closed, and the door opened, revealing the heavily muscled, stone-faced woman.


    ¡°Arms up.¡± She gestured at him, other hand near her shortblade.


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Now.¡±


    Garth sighed and held his arms out while the thrask woman, one Benta Enbrook, efficiently patted him down and confiscated all his hidden weapons, including a book he thought Sandi would like, his bandolier of seeds, a piece of candy in his paocket, and an uncomfortable grope to make sure he wasn¡¯t smuggling anything under his nutsack.


    ¡°You take your job pretty seriously,¡± Garth said when they were at their most intimate. ¡°Since I¡¯m back already, can I let you off the hook?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m booked for one month,¡± Benta said, standing. ¡°It¡¯s been one week. After payment is made, it¡¯s against my code to let anybody take me off the job. Not the person who hired me, and not the person I¡¯m guarding. You¡¯d be surprised at how often people die right after a familiar face tells you you can go home.¡±


    ¡°How often?¡±


    ¡°Never. Because I don¡¯t quit.¡±


    ¡°As annoying as it is,¡± Garth said, turning around for the back pat-down ¡°I¡¯m gonna have to give you a glowing recommendation.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± She said. ¡°You¡¯re clear, but don¡¯t cause any trouble.¡± She gave Wilson a once-over. ¡°Same goes for you.¡±


    ¡°Garth, is that you?¡± Sandi shouted from deeper inside the veritable tree fort, complete with an ogre at the gate.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Garth said, shooting Benta one last glare as she took his Status Band before heading in.


    When Garth turned the corner into the kitchen, he was greeted with the sight of Samantha teaching Sandi how to make fried rice. Sandi was stirring an industrial amount of seasoned rice around in a person sized pan while the older woman stirred a dog-sized batch of eggs.


    The thing that most attracted his eye though was the lovely curved, bare bottom wiggling and bouncing as she danced and hummed while cooking, the front of her Lure protected from the hot grease by an old, battle-stained apron that only just covered her generous assets. Is Samantha seeing this? Probably not.


    ¡°Good afternoon, Garth.¡± Sandi¡¯s mom called from around the corner deeper in the house, pulling his attention away from Sandi¡¯s wiggling bottom and bouncing side-boob.


    ¡°You go on ahead,¡± Wilson said, ¡°I¡¯ll stay here and¡­help out.¡±


    Grumbling, Garth went around the corner to the living room. Ma¡¯ta and her tentacle monster husband were sitting at the table. He could faintly make out Ma¡¯ta¡¯s real body curled up in the corner, as out of the way as possible. It couldn¡¯t have been comfortable.


    ¡°Looks like it¡¯s a whole family shindig,¡± Garth said. ¡°What gives?¡±


    ¡°We were talking to Sandi about coming up here to stay,¡± Oopal said, ¡°Earth is a booming economy, and if I don¡¯t miss my guess, you¡¯re gonna need farmers when everything settles down.¡±


    ¡°What about your farm,¡± Garth asked, then glanced at where Ma¡¯ta was curled up. ¡°Would you like more space?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± she said with a dismissive wave.


    ¡°It¡¯s no trouble.¡± Garth said, melting the living wooden wall away with a wave of his hand and creating a cushion out of pliable cork beneath her.


    ¡°Oh, my Goddess above,¡± Ma¡¯ta said, stretching out her scythe-like limbs on the floor. ¡°Your husband is going to spoil me.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not married!¡± Sandi shouted from the kitchen, her face reddening as she glared from around the corner.


    ¡°Then there¡¯s still a chance for me.¡± Ma¡¯ta said, her lure grasping Garth¡¯s hand. ¡°How do you feel about experienced women?¡±


    ¡°Our daughter Polaa and her husband are going to take over the family farm.¡± Oopal said, ignoring his family¡¯s shenanigans.


    ¡°I¡¯m flattered but my heart¡¯s set on Sandi.¡± Garth gave the most appropriate answer he could using all of his well-learned In-Law-Fu before he turned back to Oopal. ¡°That¡¯s good to hear. The number of humans who farmed for a living before was very small, and they used human technology to do so. We could use all the know-how we can.¡±


    Garth sobered. ¡°Just tell me you won¡¯t be moving in with us.¡±


    Oopal laughed, slapping the solid table with a blue-green tentacle.


    ¡°Of course not¡­If we get a nice plot of land to work and a house to live in. Ma¡¯ta hears California has great farmland a bit further north.¡±


    ¡°You do huh?¡± Apparently the older succubus had been doing some reconnaissance while Garth was out and about. The old couple were wilier than they looked. They canvassed Earth well, saw a son-in-law who could get them a plot of land that was much better than their old one, and went for it.


    It was no skin off Garth¡¯s back though, there was plenty of land to go around.


    ¡°That all sounds fine to me¡­in exchange for babysitting and the occasional advice.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Deal.¡± Garth and Oopal shook hand-to-tentacle on it.


    ¡°Now if you¡¯ll excuse me,¡± Garth said, sliding out of his seat. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta say hi to Sandi.¡±


    Garth went back into the kitchen where Wilson was perving on Sandi¡¯s real body unbeknownst to Samantha, who couldn¡¯t see her body, only that Wilson was sitting in the corner of the room, looking totally innocent. He took a page from Wilson¡¯s book and sidled up next to the blushing succubus and slid a hand around her waist.


    ¡°Hope I¡¯m not too distracting, How¡¯s it going?¡± he asked. ¡°That can¡¯t be enough for you and your mom.¡±


    ¡°We ate this morning, took down a bison ourselves.¡± She glanced over her shoulder. ¡°Well, Benta helped.¡± Sandi sounded more than a little irritated, giving Garth a severe look, somewhat nullified by the hammering heartbeat he could see in her neck, the blush and the naked apron outfit only he could see.


    ¡°Sorry, I thought you might¡­be in danger while I was gone?¡±


    Sandi rolled her eyes and kept stirring. ¡°I¡¯m glad hiring a mercenary to act as my prison warden made you feel better. You know I¡¯m a pretty dangerous girl, right?¡±


    ¡°And adorable.¡± Garth said, kissing her forehead. While it was true that she could cut people into tiny ribbons without a single weapon, after seeing her get knocked out so easily by those wizards in shiny robes, he had gotten a little¡­paranoid about what life was going to throw their way next.


    Garth wasn¡¯t exactly a fan of women in freezers.


    ¡°So what¡¯s with the apron?¡± Garth asked, taking a moment to subtly squeeze a cheek as Samantha turned away to retrieve a can of vegetable oil.


    ¡°Samantha said I might get grease splatters, hence the apron.¡± She said, blushing further as his fingertips lightly brushed her womanhood before he put his hand back around her waist.


    Ahh, so the apron is the only thing that¡¯s real. Sandi¡¯s lure could move physical objects, so it made sense that it could wear clothes. At least loose fitting pieces of cloth with a loop to slip a neck through. Since her Lure had been wearing an apron, it compensated by making the apron as sexy as possible. How the hell does that all work anyway? Garth realized it was probably better not to think about it too hard.


    ¡°Out of the way, boss,¡± Samantha said, turning back with the oil, scooting Garth aside as she and Sandi mixed the fried rice together with the scrambled eggs, veggies and bits of meat, frying them one last time.


    Garth glided out of the way, leaning against the far wall.


    ¡°I looted some Steven King books from a local bookstore, thought you might like some of them, unfortunately, Benta confiscated them.¡± Garth peeked his head around the corner to where Benta was sitting in a chair beside the front door and his Status Band, thirty pages into It and moving fast.


    ¡°Looks like Benta will be done with them pretty quick, though.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re almost done here, too,¡± Sandi said. ¡°Make the table bigger, and go round up Sam and Paul¡¯s family and Clark.¡±


    ¡°Yes ma¡¯am,¡± Garth said, snagging Wilson away from where he was petting Sandi¡¯s real body unbeknownst to Samantha


    ¡°Oh come on, I could stay and help set up the table!¡± Wilson protested as Garth dragged him back out of the kitchen.


    ¡°Yeah, right.¡± Garth said, putting his Status Band back on and pulling the unwilling lizard-brain fragment of his personality out of the house. ¡°Plenty of time later.¡±


    ***


    Dinner was uneventful. Garth filled his friends and new in-laws in on what had happened while he was gone, narrating his adventures with a miniature illusion of them on the table for everyone¡¯s benefit.


    If the battle was a little more epic in the retelling, Garth¡¯s jaw a little more chiseled than it should have been, nobody called him out on it, simply enjoying the show for its own sake. Sandi tried to distract him by shapeshifting into lingerie that only he could see and occasionally sliding her foot against him under the table, but Garth was able to keep his cool long enough to finish the story.


    After dinner, Garth, Clark, Paul and his daughter cleaned up while Sandi and her folks chatted with Sam and her kids.


    Once everything was squared away, Garth kicked them all out.


    ¡°Yes, goodbye, goodbye,¡± Garth said, shooing out Sandi¡¯s parents last of all. ¡°Lovely having you, get the hell out of here. There¡¯s a place to sleep on the edge of town, big red house, two stories, not carved out of a tree, can¡¯t miss it.¡±


    Garth waved them off as they faded into the night, then shut the door with a sigh.


    When he turned around, Sandi was watching him with her arms crossed, a scowl on her face.


    ¡°Umm¡­the get the hell out of here part was a joke.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve been teasing me all night!¡± she said, jumping on him and tearing his shirt open. ¡°I think it¡¯s about time I returned the favor!¡±


    Sandi began smothering Garth with kisses, making it difficult to breath at times as her clothes began to flicker out of existence. She¡¯d long since hung up the apron and was pressing herself against him and moaning as his arousal was fed back into her, arching her back as Garth returned the kisses in time.


    They were interrupted by the sound of a crisp page sliding against a finger, drawing their attention to where Benta had just turned a page in her stolen book. Benta was still sitting by the door, reading a different book from Garth¡¯s Status band, and not paying them any attention.


    ¡°You might be more comfortable in the bedroom.¡± She said without looking away from the page.


    ¡°Bedroom?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°Sounds good to me,¡± Garth said, pushing her ahead of him, enjoying the way her hips rolled as she raced him. When they got there, Garth pushed her onto the bed, causing her to let out a little squeal before he pounced on her bottom.


    After a minute of wrestling around, Sandi began to remove Garth¡¯s clothes.


    The shirt blocked his vision of the door for a moment as she slid it over his head. The door through which an angry mercenary could stomp through if she didn¡¯t like the sounds Sandi was making. That could be a problem.


    ¡°You think we should-¡°


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare lock the door!¡± Benta¡¯s stern voice emanated from the hallway. Just three weeks until we can be rid of her.


    ¡°Guess you got lucky,¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m gonna have to take it easy on you.¡±


    Sandi gave him a devious grin. ¡°I can probably convince you otherwise.¡±


    ***


    Afterward, they lay in bed, sweaty and satisfied. Garth fixed up the claw marks in the walls and the bites in the wooden gag on the floor. He dismissed the impromptu restraints growing out of the corners of the bed, got them both some water, and they spent the rest of the night reading.


    Benta had cleared the books for Sandi¡¯s use, so she lay beside him, reading It by the light of a glowing fruit and asking him questions, like what was a car, and what was a bicycle, or a balloon. All told though, she said it was delightfully horrifying, even with all the words she didn¡¯t know.


    ¡°That¡¯s because horror is universal.¡± Garth said, nodding sagely, and shortly afterward, they fell asleep, lying together on the massive bed fit for a nine-foot long man-eating creature.


    Moments after Garth¡¯s eyes slid shut, he found himself face to face with Beladia in a picturesque tropical mountain forest, wet and warm. The dusky skinned goddess was naked again, her vibrant green hair flowing down her brown breasts, stopping just short of concealing anything.


    ¡°Welcome back!¡± she shouted with glee, engulfing him in a goddess hug. Today has been a good day.


    ¡°To what do I owe the privilege?¡± Garth asked, his voice muffled by the enormous mammaries surrounding his face.


    ¡°Coming back to me, being okay. Being a daddy already, all of the above! I¡¯m so happy that you¡¯ve come so far! She said, clasping her hands together as she backed away again.


    ¡°Thanks, I guess.¡± Garth said, still kind of stunned.


    ¡°All I want is for you to live a long time and prosper. That¡¯s my favorite thing to see.¡±


    ¡°So, what happened, with the fire and all?¡± Garth asked, it being the first time he was alone with Beladia since the connection had been cut.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure.¡± She said with a shrug. ¡°The interference was coming from your side, from Earth. I tried looking into it, but my Apostles¡­¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t very tough.¡± Garth finished for her.


    ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°No problem,¡± Garth waved it off. ¡°Just glad to be back. Got any advice for me?¡±


    ¡°Of course, and a present.¡± She said, producing a mote of light from behind her back. It was thrumming with energy, warping Garth¡¯s vision around it.


    ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°it¡¯s a secret.¡± She said with a wink. ¡°And for the advice, I guess¡­¡± She tapped her lips, frowning as she concentrated. ¡°your blessings might be a bit stronger than they were before, and you should sleep as well as you can, because tomorrow is going to be a long day.¡±


    ¡°Ugh,¡± Garth grunted, accepting the mote of light. It sank into his palm and glowed as it traced his arm back to his heart. Garth was getting used to weird things happening to his body, so it didn¡¯t bother him as much as it might have if he weren¡¯t in a dream.


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell someone they¡¯re going to have a long day tomorrow, it makes it even harder for them to relax the day before.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± Beladia said, clapping her hands together and wincing.


    The sky began to darken, drawing Garth¡¯s attention upward, where clouds choked off the sunlight filtering down into the topical forest.


    ¡°Looks like Pala is eager to talk to you.¡±


    Garth looked back down, but Beladia was gone, along with the forest. In its place was baseball stadium at night, dimly lit by floodlights. Garth stood on second base, looking out into the bleachers.


    Second base on the first date? Garth thought, looking around him. Still not quite as fast as Beladia.


    ¡°Heads up!¡± a man¡¯s voice shouted, and Garth glanced over to see a fastball speeding his way. Garth raised his hand to block it, and it was caught in the mitt on his left hand.


    Huh, Garth took the baseball out of the mitt and turned it over in his fingers, then looked up at the man in a leather jacket and jeans, with a short haircut and a Kennedy smile, motioning him to throw the ball back. A perfect replica of the day they broke into the stadium to toss the ball back and forth.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think copying one of my memories is in poor taste?¡± Garth asked, throwing the ball back at his dad.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be like that. I like being mysterious, and seeing my true form has been known to cause brain damage or drive me into a murderous rage,¡± his dad (Pala) said, catching and tossing the ball back.


    ¡°Fair enough.¡± Garth said, tossing the ball back with a little extra zing. When he was younger, he could throw it hard enough to make a sound and hit right where he wanted it, but now Garth¡¯s aim was off and his arm was weak. The ball flew wildly off course and Pala only barely managed to catch it.


    ¡°Oof,¡± the deity said, clutching its back like an old man. ¡°Work your way up to the fastballs, kid.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t call me kid.¡± Garth said, feeling the memories in him bubbling up in response to the word.


    ¡°Now, now, take it easy. I just wanted to talk to you about your future.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked. Pala was going to tell him about his future? Was that within the limits of what a god should do?


    ¡°You just graduated high school. I know you didn¡¯t get the best grades, but your teachers were blown away by you, every one of ¡®em¡¯s got a glowing recommendation.


    What the hell? It really is the memory, word for word.


    ¡°So I¡¯ve got a friend, a fellow alumni who¡¯s willing to vouch for you and Jim. With testimony from your teachers and a few greased palms, we could get you an education that really challenges you.¡±


    ¡°More greased palms than not,¡± Garth heard himself say, throwing the ball back. ¡°I just want to get out of here and start a new life with Nat, not be your stooge in the political arena.¡±


    Garth¡¯s dad sighed, scratching his temple. ¡°Look, your brother¡¯s with us on this. He still respects his family, and he¡¯s been aiming for this since he hit middle school.¡±


    ¡°Then go with him!¡± Garth shouted.


    ¡°What is it gonna take for you to get off your ass, Garth?¡± his dad said, shaking his head. ¡°One day you¡¯re going to wake up, and everything, every opportunity you might have had is going to be behind you.¡±


    A rough hand seized Garth¡¯s shoulder and shook him.


    ***


    Garth¡¯s eyes flew open, the light of dawn spilling into the bedroom window. Along with the sound of shouting and people running.


    With a sharp intake of breath, Garth sat up, looking around, his ears picking up moans of pain.


    ¡°Attack?¡± Garth said, stumbling out of bed.


    Benta stood above him, a severe expression on her face.


    ¡°Something¡¯s wrong,¡± she said, pointing at Sandi.


    ¡°This feels really weird,¡± Sandi said, her Lure flickering in and out, her real body splayed out on the bed, completely visible and massively distended.


    It was then that Clark burst through the door, sweat pooling in the neck of his shirt. ¡°Garth, they¡¯re all giving birth at once!¡±


    Macronomicon


    If you''re having a good time, do me a favor and rate the story on the front page, or Vote!

 Chapter 76: A long Day

    Macronomicon


    I''m ashamed to admit I missed half a day of writing yesterday so Patreon is still only 38 chapters ahead.


    *plays a tiny violin.


    If you wanna help out with cash, but are a below the age of 45 and therefore unable to afford cup ramen let alone a Patreon subscription, you can vote here!


    Have fun!!


    Garth rocked back and forth in his new recliner, staring out into the desert as he rocked the infant tucked in his elbow.


    Seven hundred and fifty-four babies in about twenty hours. No one was meant to look at that many bloody vaginas in one day.


    As it turned out, every single sexually active couple that had been in town while Garth had been given Beladia¡¯s ¡®Present¡¯, now had kids, skipping the whole nine months of throwing up, in utero bonding, nesting instinct, and all that jazz. There were a few teens who had been forced to explain themselves to their parents.


    And Jess had a litter of four. Jamal had more kids than Garth now. Hah. Take that Jamal.


    Just under four hundred women had given birth and Garth had been dragged from place to place for his ability to heal. Thankfully everyone was still okay, but Garth was still tense, waiting for someone to shout his name and pull him to the sight of another birth gone wrong. There were still a dozen or so women giving birth.


    Four hundred women, seven hundred babies. Needless to say, there was an overwhelming amount of twins and triplets. It was like that episode where Apu had eight kids because everyone slipped his wife ovulation drugs. Except this wasn¡¯t funny, and on a much larger scale.


    Normally a person¡¯s cervix couldn¡¯t stretch that far in a single day without serious internal damage. One more not-so-subtle hint that they weren¡¯t playing by Earth¡¯s rules anymore.


    God I need some clean sheets.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna die.¡± Garth muttered, staring at the stars slowly rising on the horizon as he tried to figure out how they were going to care for a number of babies equal to roughly thirty percent of their population. ¡°Wait, no. This is hell. I already died.¡±


    There was no telling when it might happen again either. Garth was one hundred percent sure it was his fault, and sooner or later, people were going to put it together, and probably try to burn him at the stake. Garth was just lucky Paul¡¯s kid wasn¡¯t fooling around with anyone, or else he¡¯d probably wake up with a bullet in his head.


    Oh wait, I¡¯m bulletproof. Take that. Hah.


    ¡°Wow, you look like shit.¡± Cass said, sitting beside Garth. The distant wails of crying babies creating a nail-on chalkboard sound that emanated from nearly every house, filling all of Clarkstown with their ear-shredding wails.


    Not Lucy though, she was chill as fuck.


    Garth idly ran a thumb over the wrinkly, chubby baby¡¯s downy tuft of red hair for which she¡¯d been named. Garth was almost disappointed that she wasn¡¯t a succubus.


    After all that buildup, his three kids had come out as pale purple baby girls, no worm-like body, or soft, unhardened scythe-legs, just purple-skinned girls.


    In the distance, another fullthroated scream of an infant caught Garth¡¯s attention, and he forced his neck to turn and look for the source of the noise. A moment later it quieted down, falling back into the background noise of constant screaming.


    Maybe he could make a dim, cool, box with cork lined walls where people could take turns sleeping. I¡¯ll call them Sleep-boxes and people will pay out the ass to use them. Garth you are a genius.


    ¡°You don¡¯t scream though, right? Garth said, petting the infant with his thumb while he prepared a formula bottle with telekinesis. ¡°Cuz you¡¯re chill as fuck.¡±


    ¡°Wow.¡± Cass said, interrupting his weary thoughts ¡°You look like shit.¡±


    ¡°Cass?¡± Garth asked, blinking a couple times and looking over at the wizard illuminated by his porch light, a brightly glowing flower that only bloomed at night. They pollinated with hijacked moths.


    ¡°That¡¯s me.¡±


    ¡°Where did you come from-Wait, no where have you been?¡± Garth demanded. ¡°Even Jim was here for this!¡± Sadly Jim hadn¡¯t accidently knocked anyone up and been forced to deal with the responsibility, but the extra pair of hands had been appreciated.


    ¡°Well, my morning divination yesterday told me I should get out of town if I don¡¯t want to be a baby daddy, so I grabbed my main squeeze and took a vacation to the outpost for the weekend. At least until you learn to reel in that fertility aura.¡±


    ¡°The what?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that Beladia power that¡¯s just oozing out of you. You could make people parents from a hundred yards like that.¡±


    Garth blinked the sand out of his eyes, then tried to focus on his mana sight. It was there, ever so subtly, Beladia¡¯s brown and green mana flowed out of him and soaked into the environment. Maybe this was how a Beladian temple got started.


    ¡®What, I jerk off and there¡¯s a kid there in the morning?¡¯ Garth had joked, but now the reality was staring him in the face. Garth focused on the Hyper Fertility blessing and flexed his mental muscles, cutting off the steady stream of mana flowing into the environment.


    ¡°Now, it¡¯s gonna be a bit like wetting the bed at first,¡± Cass said beginning to rock beside him. ¡°You¡¯re gonna probably have a couple accidents every now and then until you learn to hold it in.¡±


    ¡°How do you know all this?¡±


    Cass fixed him with a flat stare. ¡°I know everything. I¡¯m older than the Spheres.¡±


    ¡°Alright, Mr. Know-it-all, Why did my daughter come out humanoid rather than with six legs and a powerful hunger for flesh?¡±


    ¡°Probably because humans are an orphello race.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°An orphello race is a species that can breed with just about anything and make half-breed children. The paper to a quispario race¡¯s rock.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s nothing special about us.¡± Garth said, shaking his head. ¡°We certainly couldn¡¯t make babies with anything before.¡±


    ¡°Before you weren¡¯t living in this reality. Orphello races are characterized by an intense fascination with sex with other creatures, including anthropomorphized animals.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Crap.¡± Garth said. That explained a few things.


    ¡°Yep. Kirk¡¯s green aliens, Furries, cartoons, monster girls, tentacle porn, bestiality. You name it, people have done it. Believe it or not, most other species aren¡¯t quite so perverted, as a whole.¡±


    ¡°Makes sense.¡±


    Garth glanced out at the horizon. It was just starting to get light again. In another couple hours the sun would be up again, and he¡¯ll have been up for an entire day. Some people Garth had known before the end of the world could easily stay up a day or two at a time, then sleep a day or two afterward. Not so with Garth. He liked his time in nice manageable chunks.


    When Garth¡¯s chin hit his chest, his eyes flew open, but he managed to avoid jerking and setting off the miniature noise bomb in his lap.


    ¡°Cass?¡± Garth glanced over, but the wizard was gone, and the light on the horizon was a bit brighter than it had been before. Micro-nap. Garth felt something scratch the stubble under his chin. Tucked in Garth¡¯s shirt collar was a piece of paper that read:


    2:00 PM Training.


    Couldn¡¯t the guy have even a little bit of common decency? Like Lucy.


    All things considered, Garth¡¯s babies were more well behaved than their pure human contemporaries like Jamal¡¯s kids, so he could at least be smug about that. Better behaved didn¡¯t mean they wouldn¡¯t cry at the slightest provocation though. Neither of them were getting very much sleep anytime soon.


    Why me, Beladia? This is too much. Above and beyond cruel and unusual punishment. Garth couldn¡¯t believe this was his reward for trying to re-establish the connection with his deity. I was doing fine without it, and now I gotta come up with some kind of milk-plant because there aren¡¯t enough tits to go around.


    The sheer number of babies made Garth want to construct a series of pens with feeding tubes for them to nurse on, much like piglet pens. Only problem was, newborns were completely immobile.


    Maybe I can summon some help. Garth had a brief mental image of Woody fumbling his child from a height of twelve feet, then giving Garth a sheepish shrug. He¡¯s not an option, I guess, maybe Beladia has some Nanny-demon/angel things.


    It being an unbelievably large multiverse, there had to exist out there somewhere a creature that liked nothing more than to take care of other people¡¯s children. Without eating them. Or stealing them.


    Maybe Cass had some ideas. He claimed to know everything.


    Lucy started fussing in his lap, wiggling as the light hit her face.


    ¡°Hey, is there a-¡° Oh right, he¡¯s gone. The sun was now just starting to peek over the horizon, so Garth must have spaced out for an hour or so again. It didn¡¯t really feel like he¡¯d gotten any sleep though.


    Well, the screams of the newborn had quieted down just a little and no one had come to get him for a healing in a couple hours¡­maybe he could get comfortable and just rest his chin on his collar for a couple minutes.


    Garth¡¯s thoughts were interrupted by a well-placed kick to the face from his newborn daughter, who was giving him the ¡®feed me, and block out that light!¡¯ look.


    ¡°Fine, you win. I forgot.¡± Garth re-heated the cold bottle of formula looted from a supermarket, and stuck the nipple in her mouth, shielding her eyes from the sun with his hand.


    Garth glanced around the porch, looking for a way to arrange himself so the sun wasn¡¯t in their eyes. He could turn around and put his back to the sun, but if he nodded off, he¡¯d probably get the worst sunburn on his neck. Garth was considering it, though. The call of sleep wasn¡¯t easy to ignore.


    Wait, can I even get sunburn anymore? Garth thought, glancing at his skin, then the sun.


    Garth¡¯s musing was cut off when he spotted a cloud of dust on the horizon, lit by the rising sun.


    With a scowl, Garth weaved mana into a mirror in front of him, using the Scry spell to get a better view half a mile out.


    Lo and behold, Tyler rode at the front of an army some five thousand strong, composed of rough looking men with nothing to lose. Garth spend a moment studying the skinhead¡¯s smug face before sighing.


    It couldn¡¯t just be one thing.


    ¡°Welp,¡± Garth said, hefting the swaddled infant as he and Wilson stood and began stretching. Garth stifled a yawn.


    ¡°Daddy¡¯s gotta go make a drug deal.¡±


    ***


    The sound of five thousand horses wasn¡¯t bad as long as they were going slow. When Tyler saw Garth standing just outside the town, he drew up ten feet shy of him, horse nickering. The steady rumble slowly quieted down as the five thousand riders came to a halt.


    ¡°Garth, you babysitting? I always figured you for a twelve year old girl.¡±


    It looked like in the absence of being able to curse, Tyler had been forced to become more creative with his insults. Neuroplasticity at work.


    ¡°Magical oil spill.¡± Garth said. ¡°Just a matter of cleaning up after it for the next eighteen years.¡±


    ¡°You look like a sack of bird crap on a hot day.¡±


    ¡°I feel like it,¡± Garth said, working the kinks out of his shoulders. ¡°So, what¡¯s the deal?¡±


    ¡°The deal is, I¡¯m here with an army, ready to clear out L.A. The question is, are you ready to pay us for it?¡±


    ¡°Well, we did leave that part unnegotiated because we weren¡¯t sure how many people you could round up. Five thousand¡¯s not a bad number, though.¡±


    Garth drummed his fingers against his baby as he considered.


    ¡°You know that grass that knocks out Kipling?¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°I grew it to divide the city into sixteen sectors. Each one¡¯s small enough that a group of five thousand enterprising individuals such as yourself could clear it in a couple days. Given that it¡¯s a month long job, let¡¯s say three tons of coke per sector¡­Let¡¯s round up to a nice even fifty tons of cocaine for one kipling-free city.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a pretty generous offer, but we¡¯re interested in a different kind of payment¡­¡± He and the men around him looked down at Garth with lewd sneers.


    ¡°Oh my, but I¡¯m already taken.¡± Garth said, covering his goodies and turning to the side to protect his modesty.


    ¡°I¡¯m talking about land!¡± Tyler shouted, his scalp red, veins throbbing.


    At Tyler¡¯s shout, Lucy started bawling, letting out full-throated wails directly beneath Garth¡¯s hearing organs.


    ¡°Shhh, Shhh, it¡¯s okay, I know you have an allergic reaction to dipshits, but mom couldn¡¯t handle all three of you, so you gotta stick with me for the day, sorry.¡±


    ¡°We want a share in the new city you¡¯re building.¡±


    ¡°Ah, pirate rules. That¡¯s fine.¡±


    Tyler blinked. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re gonna need a military after the city gets put together, and only eight thousand four hundred and fifteen people, including yours, so I figure I get ten shares, you, Clark, Sam, and Paul get eight, and everyone else gets one or two.


    ¡°What makes you think I want a thousandth?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t want a thousandth of an operation that can produce fifty tons of cocaine in a month on half an acre of land, with room for expansion!?¡± Garth asked, aghast, patting Lucy on his shoulder and directing her squalling toward the rear so they could hear each other.


    Tyler blinked at him a few times, obviously confused by the math.


    ¡°That¡¯s two hundred pounds per month, per acre.¡± Garth turned his Gaze to the others in his company. ¡°twenty-five each for the rest of you.¡±


    Garth raised his voice so everyone could hear. ¡°That¡¯s eleven kilos per person, per acre, per month! And you can bet your ass we¡¯re gonna expand!¡±


    ¡°We were thinking about taking all of it.¡± Tyler said, his forearms resting against his saddle as he grinned.


    And here comes the part where Tyler pushes his luck. The man habitually tried to take more, than he deserved, no matter what he was offered.


    ¡°Why would you kill the goose that lays the golden egg, Tyler?¡± Garth asked. ¡°That seems dumb, even for you.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s more Phytomagi in your town, I even had some of my unclassed men choose it. You¡¯re expendable.¡±


    ¡°Alright, alright, that may be true.¡± Garth said, nodding, channeling mana through his spell-like ability. Controlling the weather was as easy as riding a bike thanks to Tanglewood, but he didn¡¯t understand exactly how he did it. Hence a spell-like ability rather than a spell.


    Above him, clouds appeared out of nowhere, and the entire sky began to swirl around him. One of Tyler¡¯s men glanced up, and tapped Tyler¡¯s shoulder, pointing up.


    ¡°But there isn¡¯t a doubt in my mind that I could put every single one of you in the ground right here and now.¡± Garth said, lifting off the ground as dust began to swirl around him.


    The final boss motif, good for scaring mindless gunhands.


    Tyler laughed.


    Tyler laughed?


    ¡°You¡¯re probably right.¡± He said with a shrug. ¡°But I just so happened to meet some people looking for a purple human spotted entering the Gatehouse with some friends of theirs. They¡¯re looking to ask that person some questions.¡±


    Five men and women became visible surrounding Garth, each of them wearing a blue and silver uniform. The mana snapped out of the environment,


    Crap.


    ¡°Think maybe they can?¡± Tyler asked with a grin.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna humiliate you after this is over,¡± Garth said, glaring at him. ¡°And you¡¯re getting one less share.¡±

 Chapter 77: Hold My Baby

    Macronomicon


    Long day today. No caffiene. I feel like the exhausted parents in the story. Well, maybe not quite that bad.


    Patreon is 39 chapters ahead! managed to pull forward again!


    And I gotta keep the Votes fresh on Topwebfiction. (they expire after a week, so I''mma keep buggin people)


    ¡°Before we do this,¡± Garth said, glancing around at the grim-faced people surrounding him. ¡°Can I unload my baby?¡±


    Four of the surrounding wizards glanced at the fifth, checking with her. Their leader was a muscly corio woman about five and a half feet tall, not including the horns.


    ¡°Of course,¡± she said, nodding. ¡°We¡¯re not monsters.¡±


    Oooh, ethics.


    ¡°If there¡¯s a proper code of etiquette for this sort of thing, I¡¯d love to know what it is,¡± Garth said, heading toward Tyler. ¡°Ethics separate the monsters from the people.¡± The wizards followed him, keeping their tight chokehold on the mana around him. Garth¡¯s mana battery was still good to go, though, it¡¯s Mythic Core wafers holding onto mana like nobody¡¯s business.


    It must be rare for people to embed priceless ingredients into their bodies. Garth thought as he glanced around. The basis for any wizard is forethought and preparation, but these people seemed to treat magic as more of a martial art than Garth, who went with the classic D&D wizard route. Which might typically be hard if equipment that can resist a Lantern is priceless.


    Garth understood he had an unfair advantage, and he intended to abuse it maliciously.


    There were two red-skinned Benkei, a human looking half-elf, an orc, and a corio leading them.


    ¡°Here, hold my baby,¡± Garth said, passing Lucy to Tyler. The backbiting mercenary took the child with a confused expression. ¡°If you try anything, I¡¯ll make you cry, and if she gets hurt, I¡¯ll kill ya.¡±


    He chuckled. ¡°Sure, man.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Garth said, turning back to face the robed individuals. ¡°Thanks for waiting, what would you like to know?¡±


    ¡°A half-elf, black hair, grey eyes, this tall. You were seen going into the Gatehouse with him. That very same day he disappeared, along with the Gatekeeper of two different gates.¡± The middle-aged corio woman said.


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°Did you kill Terok? He was my apprentice, and so I take this sort of thing very seriously.¡±


    Time to think fast. Garth started spinning a lie almost as fast as it spilled out of his mouth.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t me, but I saw who did it.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°This Terok guy you¡¯re talking about had me under so many mind spells, I thought he was my best friend I¡¯d never met before. Said he was going to introduce my business to the Dan Ui clan, and I was eating it up. After a short chat it came up that I was carrying a Mythic Core, and had more back home.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± The corio woman said, her brows raising. She smelled the opportunity. The key aspect of any good con is blinding the target with greed.


    ¡°So he asked me to give it to him, and I did. Anyway, it all seemed like it was going good, when there was an argument, and the red skinned girl along with three others stabbed Terok in the back, pocketing the Core.¡±


    ¡°Whatever hold he had on me, it broke when his body hit the floor, and I just bolted. I heard some swords hitting each other and a lot of shouting behind me, and that was the last I saw of them.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a very fanciful story. You mean to tell me one of Terok¡¯s charges killed him for a Mythic Core?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what it seemed like.¡± Garth said. ¡°I didn¡¯t know who they were or what their relationships were, but it seemed like he was in charge until the notion of getting their hands on seven Mythic Cores came up.¡±


    ¡°Seven?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re already gone. Turned in to the cores.¡± Garth said, waving his hand. ¡°I didn¡¯t want a run-in with anyone like that again so I got rid of them. Case in point.¡±


    The Corio woman crossed the distance between the two of them in a fraction of a second, clamping a hand down on Garth¡¯s skull.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t mind if I fact check that, would you?¡±


    Garth would¡¯ve answered, but he felt the tendrils of energy working their way through his brain.


    They entered, then seemed to dissipate like drops of food coloring in a stormy sea, disconnected and dispersed into the ever-shifting mass of his thoughts.


    ¡°What the hell is this?¡± The corio woman said, changing to a palm on his forehead. A tuning fork hit Garth¡¯s gut, twisting it, but it gave off a sensation like stale bread.


    ¡°I can¡¯t read you.¡± She said, staring up at him with a frown. ¡°You couldn¡¯t be a master¡­¡± Her eyes lit up with understanding. ¡°An apostle of Pala.¡±


    ¡°You got me,¡± Garth said, putting his hands up. Who knew Pala¡¯s blessing would come in handy so soon? ¡°¡¯Still didn¡¯t kill the guy though.¡±


    There was a dangerous gleam in the woman¡¯s eyes. ¡°An Apostle of Pala cannot be taken at their word.¡±


    Garth saw her arm tense and decided to bail.


    With an instant of shifting light, Garth triggered the teleport spell in his chest and was standing outside their Lantern¡¯s radius, watching her sword shear through empty air where his legs had been.


    Garth adopted the stance Cass had taught him, creating a Lantern that covered a radius of nine feet. Not his best work, but he was tired as hell.


    The corio displayed no shock at his sudden escape, only calling a single word as she watched him.


    ¡°Barriers.¡±


    Silvery blue transparent domes sprung up around them out of the hands of her four teammates, making Garth¡¯s skin crawl as they passed over him, expanding until he couldn¡¯t see them anymore.


    If Garth had to guess, it was to limit his escape, most likely by preventing teleportation. It wasn¡¯t really an option anyway since Tyler had his kid, but it still pressured him.


    ¡°Are you sure we have to do this ma¡¯am?¡± Garth said. ¡°You¡¯re attacking an innocent man.¡± Another key point: Sticking to your story. Garth wasn¡¯t going to drop the act under any circumstances. Even if he won the fight, however unlikely that was, he¡¯d stick with it.


    ¡°I highly doubt it.¡± She glanced at Garth¡¯s lantern, then Lucy, then back to him. Don¡¯t even think about it you bitch.


    ¡°Should we take the child?¡± one of the Benkei asked, following her gaze.


    ¡°It¡¯s beneath a member of the Dan Ui clan. Seek the easy answers to everything and you¡¯ll stunt your training.¡±


    Rather than try to take the baby hostage, she motioned for her men and Garth to follow her away from the spectators, along with the infant. Maybe she¡¯s not a bitch.


    They walked away from the group, Garth¡¯s heart hammering in his chest.


    Make sure Tyler doesn¡¯t try anything funny. Garth sent a quick thought to Wilson, who nodded and stayed behind.


    Once they were a significant distance away from Tyler¡¯s army, She stood facing him with her arms crossed.


    ¡°You asked to learn the proper etiquette. I appreciate that. I am going to arrest you on behalf of the Dan Ui clan, and you are going to resist by challenging us to a duel.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Of course. Less blood will be shed than a chaotic melee.¡± She nodded to the red skinned man beside her, who stepped forward. Damnit, she¡¯s right. Garth didn¡¯t have much of a chance of beating them solo, and probably less of one beating all of them together, unless he could harness the power of a chaotic melee, which they weren¡¯t interested in letting him do.


    The woman was pretty calm, all things considered.


    ¡°Falk Bren,¡± the red-skinned man said, taking a stance with his lantern held out in front of him. the desert dust swirled around the man¡¯s ankles. ¡°Meteor style, Ukalei Horn.¡±


    ¡°Now you say your name, followed by your school and your master. I can tell you have one. You can make up a lie if you wish, but we¡¯ll pry the truth out of you later one way or another.¡±


    Garth wanted to make fun of them for their silly Korean robes, the stick up their asses, and the need to announce their name, school, and master every time they fought, but they were serious as a heart attack, and Garth didn¡¯t think it would go over well.


    Ah well, when in rome.


    ¡°Garth Daniels,¡± he said, taking his pose again ¡°Divine Lantern, Cassius umm¡­.¡± Garth clicked his tongue. ¡°He didn¡¯t give me a last name.¡±


    At Garth¡¯s words, a few of the mages shared meaningful looks, some even backing away from him a bit, but their leader was not amused.


    Her face crumpled into an angry frown. ¡°More lies. I guess we¡¯ll have to find out who your real teacher is after we bring you back.¡±


    Garth considered protesting, but he knew when someone was already sure you were lying, you couldn¡¯t tell the truth any more convincingly than you already had. Maybe this Pala thing was a mixed bag.


    He shrugged.


    ¡°I guess so.¡±


    Falk bren gave a shout and leapt forward, slamming into the dusty earth with his lantern in the dust, spool held forward, a feral look on his face. Out of his hand came some kind of beam, a scintillating white light that lanced straight toward Garth¡¯s chest.


    Garth raised his right hand, warding off the beam with Force Shield as he tried to dodge. There was never any telling if something could be stopped by a lousy force shield. The beam degraded in the area of Garth¡¯s lantern, wisps of white mana peeling away, but it still reached his shield.


    Rather than try to penetrate it, the beam caught his defensive magic and turned it into a flare, the entire shield exploding with light in front of his eyes.


    ¡°Gah!¡± Garth was trying to blink the stars out of his eyes when he heard a rush of air above him.


    Without being able to see, Garth did the grade school move of turtling up. Garth dropped as quickly as he could, slamming his face into the dust, triggering his bracelet of seeds on contact with the ground. An inpenetrable ironwood grew up around him it¡¯s roots rippling under the ground and creating an excellent five sevenths dome around him with a little hole in the back.


    Garth immediately triggered the Fly enchantment on his Status band and flew backwards in a sliding dogeza out of his little igloo. Simultaneously, the earth shook and an ear shattering crash echoed from above him, followed by another a second later.


    Garth was still blinking the spots out of his eyes, desperately scanning the surroundings for his opponent, when he realized the man was nowhere to be seen.


    That leaves up or down. Garth thought in the brief instant of realization. A guy with a style called Meteor wouldn¡¯t burrow underground, Garth thought, taking a gamble and throwing his bracelet up above him and creating a large ironwood shield.


    The crunch of stone on wood sounded, and a shock went through his right arm, pressing the shield down and smacking Garth upside the head.


    Spent way too much strength on those blessings, Garth cursed internally as his vision finally cleared, revealing the benkei floating above Garth, weaving glistening onyx spears out of raw mana that floated, glittering menacingly within the radius of his Lantern.


    Well, that sucks. A fight between wizards was all about getting the upper hand, and using that to build up your lead before squishing the other guy. Either that or overpowering their Lantern with your own and bringing it into a brawl.


    Looking at Mr. Bren¡¯s chiseled forearms and rough hewn hands, Garth didn¡¯t think that was an option either. In the distance, Garth made out his half-smashed igloo, with a massive boulder sitting on it. did they really expect to capture him rather than kill him?


    ¡°My meteor style harnesses the power of Earth and Sky to rain destruction on the enemies of my clan!¡± The crimson skinned alien shouted from the center of a swirling tornado of obsidian shards.


    Why do they always feel the need to monologue? Maybe it¡¯s an unwritten part of formal combat etiquette, Garth thought, plucking a seed off his bracelet and giving it a short pep-talk.


    Dig down really deep before you grow up. I want you to be as flexible as spring steel and hit just as hard when you¡¯re triggered. I believe in you.


    Garth gave the seed a mental thumbs up and dropped it under his foot, channeling mana through his Lantern and down his leg, where his opponent couldn¡¯t see it.


    ¡°My Garth style harnesses the power of Plants to make a quick buck and do lots of blow, I guess. Although more recently, shadow and trickery might start to play a factor. We¡¯ll see.¡±


    Come to think of it, I haven¡¯t sampled my own product yet, Garth thought as he directed the tree to grow down deep, then up sideways, storing an enormous amount of kinetic energy, like a giant venus fly trap. There were a handful of plants that could move fast, and Garth had studied them in detail. He knew how to do this trick.


    The earth gave no sign of the plant burrowing deep underneath it, as it was carving out the rock for mass as it went, compacting harder and harder.


    ¡°You mock me!?¡± Falk demanded.


    ¡°Well, no. I just never intended to fight people to the death on a regular basis, so you¡¯ll understand if my style isn¡¯t particularly impressive. Although maybe if you¡¯re that insecure about it, you actually do have something to be worried abou-:¡±


    Falk shouted and sent a mass of dark rocks hurtling down at Garth, who used both hands on his shield to deflect them. The impact nearly drove him to his knees, heavy chunks of iron and glass clattering off his shield.


    ¡°See, this kind of overreaction is a pretty clear indicator that you don¡¯t really believe you¡¯re as good as you say. Maybe if you spent more time practicing and less time defending your honor, you¡¯d-¡°


    Falk screamed, hurtling through the air toward Garth, a swirling aura of razor sharp obsidian around him as he pulled his fist back to strike.


    Right¡­about¡­there.


    Garth leaned to the side and slid his foot off the trigger.


    A waist thick pole of pitch black wood fifty feet long erupted from the ground in a spray of rock and dirt in front of Garth, catching the crimson wizard midair like a flyswatter.


    The fighter¡¯s body ragdolled into the distance as Garth covered a yawn. It had been such a long day.


    ¡°Who¡¯s next?¡±

 Chapter 78: What WOULD your Mother Say?

    Macronomicon


    Here we go! Patreon Just hit 40 Chapters ahead, Just pounding away at them. In a purely nonexual way. For the most part.


    And Votes here really do help! They''re frigging awesome!


    ¡°Falk!¡± the female benkei shouted, standing and craning her neck to watch the combatant tumble through the air into the distance, creating a tiny puff of dust where he landed.


    Dust. Aerosol. Garth didn¡¯t look, but he idly thumbed his little nightmare smoke producer. If he could get them to take a whiff of it, they¡¯d be out of the game in a matter of seconds. It might be more humane to focus on lethargy rather than paranoia, when he got a chance.


    ¡°He¡¯s probably alive,¡± Garth said keeping his voice soft and raising his hand placatingly. ¡°The body is tough, especially after endurance tops twenty.¡± It¡¯s hard to die from a fall when you¡¯re as tough relative to your weight as an ant.


    ¡°Hera, stay. Connor, check on Falk. Hera, Bor, you¡¯re up.¡± The master¡¯s expression was one of barely restrained rage. With the light blue skin and forehead built to hold horns, sometimes it was hard to tell, but the twitching eyelid and eyebrows made it clear as day she wasn¡¯t happy.


    The half-elf stood and ran after the fallen mage while the other two faced Garth. Hera had a vicious snarl as a whip of crackling lightning manifested around her Lantern, writhing around like a living thing.


    ¡°Hera Innier, Lightning Snake style, Ellen Meene.¡± Ooh, Garth¡¯s mind processed that tidbit of information at lightning speed, forming a plan. If she didn¡¯t share the same name, it was possible they had boned in the last day or two, rather than being brother and sister. Of course if they were married, they could have the same name and still be boning. Hell, they could have different names and still be brother and sister. Guess I¡¯m just going to have to take my chances.


    The Orc dropped into a low stance as Earth began to creep up his feet, coating his body like armor, until Garth was looking at The Thing from a certain somewhat popular group of superheroes. I¡¯ll bet he still breathes.


    ¡°Bor Mak, Avalanche style, Matar Kuba.¡± Now there¡¯s a guy who looks like he might burrow through the ground.


    ¡°Two on one?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Seems a little excessive.¡± Garth summoned Woody. The twelve foot treant stepped through the rift in space, looming behind him, a handy little linebacker to prevent him from being hit by a freaking lightning whip.


    Garth was intimidated by the stone armor, but he was not at all interested in being electrocuted by a lightning snakey-whippy thing.


    Delay the girl. If I take her out of the fight, turn around and rabbit punch the rock-man as hard as you can. On my signal.


    Garth took his stance. ¡°Garth Daniels-


    ¡°We heard you the first time!¡± Hera said, charging him.


    ¡°Let¡¯s set some kind of a record.¡± Garth said as the ground beneath him shook. Woody went for Hera, drumming the ground with every step. Woody was surprisingly more nimble since Garth ate that legendary Treant heartstone.


    It didn¡¯t even slow Hera down.


    The downside of such a huge linebacker became apparent when the lightning whip wielding woman tucked and slid beneath Woody¡¯s legs without even giving him a chance to stop her.


    She was even outpacing the rock-guy, lashing forward with her whip as she slid toward Garth like she was trying to steal home base.


    Garth anchored his ironwood shield in the ground and grew it around him in a fraction of a second. the lightning whip crackled, scorching the bark of the tree surrounding him and sinking several inches into the wood he¡¯d magically compelled to be tougher than steel


    Garth unleashed a wave of Hyper Fertility.


    Most mana gets sucked up by a Lantern, but not Blessings. Maybe it was because mana from the gods was on another wavelength, or maybe it was too fundamental to existence, but there was no blocking it with a lantern.


    Garth heard Hera shout in alarm as the ironwood tree around him exploded outward, leaving a hole for him to fly straight up and survey the situation. He funneled mana into his Status Band and flew straight up, shielding himself in case he got sucker-punched.


    Hera was panting on the ground in shock, obscenely pregnant. Looks like she and Falk were doing the hanky-panky after all. That made things easier. She wasn¡¯t entirely out of the fight, but as long as Garth stayed out of whip-range, he¡¯d be probably be fine.


    Bor was running toward the ironwood tree with all the grace and poise of a sumo wrestler, aiming to tackle the tree into submission.


    Then Woody demonstrated the advantage of a massive linebacker as he spun around, catching the stone-covered man in the neck with his outrageous reach and propelling him through the tree and out the other side.


    The stone covered orc stumbled once, then collapsed to the ground, rock flaking away from his skin.


    Garth delicately landed outside Hera¡¯s whip range and gave her a little bow. ¡°Congratulations, and may Beladia smile on you.¡± She didn¡¯t pay him any attention, wincing as she held her distended belly. Beladia makes sure you know there¡¯s no such thing as one hundred percent effective contraception.


    ¡°Now,¡± Garth turned back to their leader. ¡°Should I wait for that other guy to get back?¡± Garth was putting on a strong face to hopefully scare them off, or at least make them nervous, but the fact was, Garth¡¯s heart was hammering in his chest. Adrenaline was making his tired nerves begin to simply give up and shut down. He was exhausted.


    ¡°No need, She said, standing. ¡°I¡¯ve been interrogating you this entire time. I watched you fight, and it¡¯s told me everything I need to know about how Terok died. He made a mistake and you jumped on it. Probably lured him into some kind of trap. After he died, you used plant magic to decompose his body so thoroughly we couldn¡¯t scry on it.¡±


    Ooh, good guess. Garth controlled his reaction to her statement. It wasn¡¯t hard. He didn¡¯t feel guilty at all about killing that sack. On the other hand, he did feel pretty bad about killing the innocent Gatekeeper minding his own damn business.


    ¡°All we found of his was this.¡± She spoke, pulling a crystal out of her robe. At the center was a brilliant dot of light. Some kind of stabilized lantern perhaps? Garth recalled seeing it in Terok¡¯s hand just before he punched him in the face and jumped through the portal.


    Garth hadn¡¯t taken it because it looked fairly unique and incriminating. That they found it on an entirely different planet spoke volumes about that.


    ¡°Well, am I right?¡±


    ¡°Not a word,¡± Garth lied through his teeth, shaking his head. ¡°They attacked him, I ran, end of story.¡±


    ¡°Then where are they?¡± she asked. ¡°if things happened like you said, there would be a survivor, or a mess for us to find, and neither of those things happened. As far as I can tell, you¡¯re the only one in the Spheres to have left that room.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a big multiverse,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°There¡¯s got to be plenty of places your clan can¡¯t reach. Maybe the culprit decided to take the Core and run.


    ¡°About that.¡± She said, reaching into her robe and pulling out a scroll case with a blackened scroll inside it.


    ¡°I¡¯ve already got proof that everyone who went to Earth died, and at the exact same time.¡±


    ¡°Nope,¡± Garth said, shaking his head. ¡°Didn¡¯t do it.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m done with your lies. Bor.¡±


    At her word, Garth felt an iron grasp seize his feet and pull him down underground, burying him up to his neck in the earth.


    Garth glanced over at the rock armor laying prone beside the ironwood tree, the chunks that had flaked away revealed the armor to be empty. The orc had probably regained consciousness in a matter of seconds and burrowed through the ground, leaving the shell behind.


    Garth was pretty sure he¡¯d seen that move in a Naruto episode. Didn¡¯t mean it wasn¡¯t legit, though.


    As for what was going on under him, Garth surprisingly had more wiggle room than the thought he would. The guy wasn¡¯t able to bury both of them perfectly or else he wouldn¡¯t be able to breathe.


    Breathe this. Garth thought, channeling mana into the silver paranoia censer on his Bandolier, conveniently underground with the guy holding his legs.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to have my revenge for my student. That debt must be paid.¡±


    ¡°Do you take Mastercard?¡±


    Her Lantern snapped up, searing the mana out of the environment with a tangible hum that he felt against his skin. Garth could see it breaking into his lantern and stealing his territory away from him.


    In a matter of seconds he wouldn¡¯t be able to channel any mana at all.


    Garth triggered the teleport spell buried in his chest. It had been longer than ten seconds, after all.


    Garth was hoping the barrier would only prevent teleportation outside the spells area and allow him to hop around inside it. Unfortunately, Garth was stuck.


    Next plan. Garth dismissed the idea of trying to attack her directly and instead grew a tree from his bracelet, carving out the stone underneath him in an attempt to release the smoke from beneath him. As the tree widened the hole around his neck, Garth heard the panicked breaths of Bor, hyperventilating in the dark, and a torrent of thick grey smoke poured out from beneath Garth¡¯s chin.


    Must not breathe, must not breathe. Garth thought, holding his breath.


    Rather than take a step back like Garth had hoped, the corio woman snorted and waved a hand, dispersing the smoke with a gust of wind. She drew a long, straight blade that shone in the morning sun, the mana she fed into it winding around the blade in strange, exotic ways.


    ¡°Tell me what happened, and I will let you go. Continue to lie to me and I¡¯ll kill you.¡± She loomed over him, blade pressed to his cheek. Garth¡¯s Lantern was now well and thoroughly quashed by the aging corio woman, torn to shreds by hers.


    Pssh, she was planning on killing him either way, might as well stick to his story.


    ¡°I ran away, heard fighting. That¡¯s all that happened.¡± Garth said. Telling her the truth was a no-go.


    ¡°Very well,¡± She said, drawing her blade back.


    Well, two hundred years of plowing Beladia, here we come. At least the connection was back up and running, so Garth didn¡¯t have to sweat whether they might misplace him in limbo.


    ¡°What are you doing to my apprentice?¡± Garth never thought he¡¯d be happy to hear Cass¡¯s voice.


    Her sword came down, dropping into the dirt just beside Garth¡¯s nose. Garth tried to crane his neck, but he couldn¡¯t turn easily enough to make out his savior.


    ¡°Your apprentice.¡± She said. ¡°And who am I speaking to?¡±


    ¡°Cassius Clay of the Fu Koff clan.¡±


    Garth was starting to think that maybe Cassius¡¯s identity was a fabrication.


    ¡°Cassius Clay. I am Mareen Binder of the Dan Ui Clan.¡± The foot beside his nose said, pulling the sword out of the ground. ¡°And I am passing judgment on the murderer of my apprentice.¡±


    ¡°Oh, did you see him do this?¡±


    She watched him silently.


    ¡°Did he admit to anything?¡±


    Garth could barely make out the bottom of her mouth, but from what he could see, she looked pissed.


    ¡°Then you wish to start a war with another clan over an event you have no solid proof of?¡±


    Mareen started to grind her teeth above Garth with a disturbing crackling sound.


    ¡°The debt must be paid.¡±


    ¡°Of course you have the most sincere condolences on behalf of the Fu Koff clan.¡± Cass said, his feet coming into view out of the corner of Garth¡¯s eye. The man was wearing wet foam sandals and breezy cargo shorts with a half-open Hawaiian T-shirt.


    As he stepped forward, Garth could make out her Lantern being overtaken and pushed back by Cass¡¯s, forcing her to take another step backward.


    ¡°However, attacking my apprentice for such baseless reasons warrants nothing less than your execution.¡±


    Mareen¡¯s eyes widened, and she leapt into the air, but was swatted down by an invisible force. Then she was drawn downward by fate itself, landing on her knees directly in front of Cass as if she had always been meant to be there. Her eyes were half lidded, and confused as he held up his hand, expression stony as a light flickered between his fingers. He¡¯d treated her like a toy.


    ¡°Wait!¡± Garth shouted, drawing their attention. ¡°Etiquette! Is there any way to resolve this without people dying?¡± He started to crawl his way out of the hole in the ground, leaving the panicking Bor in his hole. There had to be some kind of rules of engagement that dictated how to descalate the situation.


    Not because Garth was terribly concerned about the sanctity of life, but because if he killed these people, the Dan Ui clan would just send a bigger group to investigate their death in a never ending stream until he was a corpse. If he could convince this woman he wasn¡¯t lying though, that could be the end of it.


    That and it never payed to kill the people who played by the rules. It was the standoff with Harold all over again, except Garth was on the other side, and she had an organization backing her.


    ¡°Between¡­two clans of¡­Equal strength,¡± Mareen said, her voice faint, head wobbling. ¡°compensation. For loss.¡± Cass really did a number on her head. Somehow he was keeping her awake and aware, but too fuzzy to resist.


    Damn was mind-magic scary.


    ¡°Alright, then pay me, twelve million credits, and I¡¯ll send you back home.¡± Cass said, holding out his hand.


    ¡°Dan. Ui. Clan¡­Stronger. Not equals.¡±


    Cass scoffed, raising his hand.


    ¡°How about this,¡± Garth said. ¡°We¡¯ll admit that your clan is stronger, pay you twelve million to save face, and the fact you got beat gets swept under the rug.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± She stared at him blankly for a moment. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because I didn¡¯t kill your apprentice.¡± Garth said with the most sincerity he could muster. Something cold uncoiled inside him and flowed up through his throat and into his tongue as he spoke. Garth could almost make out a faint trace of mana leaking from his mouth. ¡°And more than anything, I just want to live in peace. If giving the Dan Ui guild face in this situation makes that happen, it¡¯s more than worth it to me.¡±


    ¡°¡­Okay.¡± She nodded.


    ***


    ¡°You owe me twelve mil too,¡± Cass said with a scowl as they walked back to Tyler¡¯s army, business concluded. ¡°I was gonna buy some rare ingredients with that money.


    ¡°You¡¯re a super powerful wizard apparently, go make your own money.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Why would I need to earn money when I have such a successful apprentice?¡± Cass asked, blinking in puzzlement as they crossed the dusty ground.


    ¡°I see what your game is now,¡± Garth said, nodding as they walked. ¡°You just wanted a sugar apprentice.¡±


    ¡°Like you would have lived any longer without my training.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m starting to think the whole training thing¡¯s a wash because it paints a huge target on my back.¡±


    Cass gasped with faux alarm. ¡°No. Really?¡±


    ¡°You keep that magic stuff to yourself,¡± Tyler shouted as they approached, holding a knife against Lucy¡¯s neck. ¡°You¡¯re gonna come over here and behave, or I¡¯m gonna cut this little turdbasket open from top to bottom.¡±


    ¡°Leading that clan to me and trying to take my city was strike two,¡± Garth said, ¡°do you really wanna go for strike three?¡±


    ¡°Keep your hands down. If I see any light coming out of either of you assholes, I¡¯ll kill the kid!¡±


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s strike three I guess,¡± Garth said, keeping his hands down. ¡°Does this make you feel like a man, Tyler? What would your mother say?¡±


    Tyler showed confusion for an instant before Garth¡¯s code phrases hit him like a ton of bricks. Tyler¡¯s face crumpled into an ugly sob, and the knife fell from his hand, burying itself in the dust of the desert.


    Garth caught Lucy and snagged her out of Tyler¡¯s grip with some creative Telekinesis, while the thug¡¯s hands covered his face.


    ¡°Here come the waterworks,¡± Garth said, rolling his eyes as long, drawn out wails of existential pain burst forward from the hardened criminal.


    Tyler fell out of his saddle and squirmed on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably in the dirt. His men watched with wide eyes and a newfound respect for Garth and his baby.


    ¡°Some help you were,¡± Garth said to Wilson.


    ¡°What, you wanted me to risk setting him off while you weren¡¯t here? I only got one body.¡±


    Garth directed his gaze at the riders, who watched him with wide eyed fear.


    ¡°Do yourselves a favor and replace him with someone smarter. There¡¯s gotta be one in five thousand of you, right? Oh, and if your little club still intends to try and take my property away from me, I¡¯m gonna decimate you while the other forty-five hundred write me a three hundred word apology letter.¡±


    ¡°Now laugh at him!¡± Garth shouted, pointing at the sobbing man on the ground, using the Clarion Call spell to make his intent clear to everyone present. Slowly at first, but swelling as time went on, they began to chuckle as they watched their boss writhe on the ground.


    ¡°No¡­¡± Tyler moaned piteously between gasping sobs. ¡°Stooop.¡±


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s see, I made good on every threat, I think it¡¯s about time to head home and catch some sleep.¡±


    Lucy started bawling her lungs out.


    ¡°or not.¡±

 Chapter 79: Ms. Banyan (AKA the gang solves the baby Problem)

    Macronomicon


    Have fun!


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    As a bit of side news, I am beat. Barely managed to work up the gumption to post. Think I''m gonna take a weekend.


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    When Garth made it home, he passed Lucy off to the first thing with two hands and collapsed into his side of the bed, where Sandi was lying with the three babies. Oh, he must have given her to Sandi.


    ¡°Are you all right?¡± Jim asked, bending over to look at his face.


    ¡°The hell are you doing in here?¡± Garth demanded, closing his eyes.


    ¡°You handed me a baby and told me to, and I quote, ¡®Take them off your hands, and ride them hard for two weeks or so.¡±


    ¡°Army.¡± Garth said, pointing out the window, eyes closed. ¡°You¡¯re an ¡®postle, Y¡¯can do it.¡±


    ¡°Ah, that makes more sense.¡± He said. Garth could feel Jim standing away as he spoke. ¡°I¡¯m on it.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± Garth muttered into the covers. ¡°This is where I die.¡± Shortly afterward, unconsciousness claimed him.


    The next morning the wailing of babies had gone from a constant nails-on chalkboard jaw-clenching drone to intermittent spikes of crying. People were starting to get their shit together, at least a little bit.


    Garth pushed himself up out of bed with a groan, his body creaking and snapping, being still so long it had gotten accustomed to inactivity. He turned his head to look at the other side of the bed, but saw no sign of Sandi.


    ¡°Ugh.¡± No wetting the magical bed, thankfully. Then again, if he had, how would he tell? By all the shouting and screams of babies? Already had plenty of that.


    Garth got to his feet, working the stiffness out of his joints as he walked into the main room of his tree-house. In the living room, he was greeted by the sight of Benta with two Succu-babies on her knees. The mercenary was positively beaming as she bounced the purple infants up and down on her lap.


    Garth stood there, taking in the sight for a full minute before Benta caught him out of the corner of her eye, her face returning to its typical stony expression.


    ¡°you¡­want a job?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Damnit.¡± Garth cursed and stumbled further into the house, where Sandi was nursing the third one. Garth couldn¡¯t be exactly sure which of his hellspawn it was, since she was swaddled up and her head was covered, looking like little more than a grub.


    To be clear, Sandi¡¯s attractive human Lure wasn¡¯t nursing the infant. That was sitting at the kitchen table with her head on the wood, a puppet with its strings cut.


    Sandi¡¯s real body was was holding the baby girl against her stomach, lying on the cork bed he¡¯d made for her mother. For all intents and purposes, to everyone else, the baby was hovering two feet off the ground in a corner of the room. Garth could make out her mother better than anyone else in the room, most likely, and the giant man-eating creature looked beat.


    Garth walked up to where Sandi was lying with her eyes half closed. ¡°Wanna catch a nap?¡± he whispered.


    Sandi silently nodded her head, and Garth spotted a bottle of formula on the counter, preforming a switch as seamlessly as he was capable of.


    Garth felt like Indiana Jones, carefully comparing the heat of the bottle to the heat of the boob before smoothly prying his daughters mouth off and replacing it with a rubber nipple before she could notice the swap.


    If the baby noticed anything she didn¡¯t say, instead continuing to nurse on the bottle at an alarming rate. Garth heaved a sigh of relief when his stomach started to grumble. Might as well fix something I guess.


    Garth headed for the kitchen where he was halted by an appalling sight.


    Shirtless and barefoot in the kitchen, his brother was stirring an enormous pot of broccoli and beef, big enough to feed a hundred people¡­or Sandi and the four other people inside the house. Beside him Wilson was begging for scraps, and Jim¡¯s girlfriend was chatting him up.


    Do the babies count as people yet? Garth wondered idly as he stumbled forward and sat on the stool beside the stove. Also was Jim gay? If they had actually done any of the ground-and-pound they should be in their own personal baby-hell right now, instead of cooking for them.


    ¡°Food.¡± Garth demanded, fixing a new bottle using the can of dried formula on the counter and conjured hot water, spinning the ball of hot water midair into a ball of hot milk, pinholing the liquid into the bottle then closing it up with a little well placed rearranging of the glass.


    Jim¡¯s girlfriend watched the magical gymnastics apprehensively, but Jim just grabbed a bowl and scooped out a big serving of broccoli and beef.


    ¡°Om, om, om,¡± Garth floated one piece of food after another into his mouth, both hands occupied with baby and bottle.


    ¡°So did you head out to the city?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I got them started on it two days ago.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve been out two days?¡± Garth demanded, keeping his voice quiet.


    ¡°Yeah, Cass says you owe him two training sessions,¡± Jim started counting on his fingers, well defined muscles sparkling in the light of the lamp-buds. Did he put baby oil on or something? ¡°Clark says our output has dropped so low we might not be able to make our current business obligations, Paul¡¯s kid is an entrepreneur, making bank babysitting, she¡¯s got like, a literal ton of coke in exchange for running a daycare with the other kids. Reclaiming L.A. is going slower than we thought because hauling the Kipling corpses out is more labor intensive than we planned for,


    ¡°Why aren¡¯t my kids in daycare?¡±


    ¡°Not enough manpower, and they¡¯re disruptive, apparently. All the other babies within fifteen feet or so are calm as you please, but once they get moved outside that¡­they lose their little minds for up to half an hour.¡±


    ¡°Who¡¯s got magic addictive psychic properties,¡± Garth said, poking the baby¡¯s belly as she gorged herself. ¡°you do!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not all. We¡¯re running low on food and formula, stemming from not having enough people to make decent sized scavenging trips into L.A. Literally everyone has someone who needs them to help with a baby.¡± Jim looked him up and down. ¡°Case in point.¡±


    ¡°Shaddap.¡±


    ¡°Clark¡¯s given most of the phytomancers and druids a free pass from babysitting, in exchange for producing food. But they¡¯re barely managing.


    ¡°I¡¯m starting to think some of these problems stem from the wave of unexpected births.¡± Garth said, rubbing his chin.¡±


    ¡°No, really?¡± Wilson asked, giving him a flat stare.


    Can¡¯t slow down L.A. or take men away from it. First of all, the guys were drug dealers and nobody would trust their kid to them.


    Wilson gave him a look.


    He was literally the only human nearby, okay. And if I¡¯d given her to you, chances are he¡¯d have tried to take her violently. You know either of us could have killed him at any time. That and I¡¯m pretty sure the guy isn¡¯t capable of killing babies. He always folds.


    And second of all, if he slowed the reclamation down, then had another ¡®accident¡¯ they¡¯d be stuck with twice the kids and still no city. Might as well get that entirely out of the way and settled, then it was done and gone.


    ¡°So the biggest sticking point here is we¡¯re stretched on labor and supplies.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Pretty much.¡±


    ¡°A¡¯ight.¡± Garth said, rearranging his burden to grab the formula tub. Were babies supposed to eat this much? Unfortunately Garth wasn¡¯t able to just Google it. Not anymore.


    I wonder what the Google database looks like, magically speaking. That and Wikipedia. If magic worked the way Garth thought, there might be something special there, some kind of spirit or code. They were, after all essentially the gateways to the accumulated knowledge of humanity before the apocalypse.


    ¡°Gonna hafta put a pin in that.¡± Garth said, walking outside and glancing around. The desert sun was just starting to pull overhead, the cool wind of night beginning to give way to the heat of the day.


    Clarkstown was created around a central ring of trees that Garth didn¡¯t have the good fortune of claiming a spot on, but he was close. In about thirty seconds, Garth was standing at the center of town, where Cass had so graciously made him eat dirt so many weeks ago.


    Hmmm¡­ He could attack this problem from two directions. Labor and supplies. Freeing up either would free up more labor. If less people had to scrounge for supplies, that meant more people working. Same if less people had to take care of babies.


    Garth decided he would try for both. Garth stood in the center of town and looked at the distance between the houses It was just big enough for what he was thinking.


    Garth went to his workshop, walked past Cass, who stared at him, mouthing ¡®twelve million¡¯. He found his seed drawer, filled with all the interesting specimens mailed to him over the last few months. It had cost him more than a little money from his burgeoning business, but it had been worth it.


    Garth snatched a common acorn and a banyan seed, heading back to his work bench, fixed with a magnifying glass on a stand.


    Garth formed a scoop-like depression in his table with an act of will and set Betty down there. Betty was the raven-haired one. You couldn¡¯t have black hair and not be named Betty. That¡¯s just how it worked.


    ¡°Okay,¡± Garth said setting aside the oak seed. The Banyan was what he was interested in.


    Garth took the tin of formula and sprinkled it in front of him, then scooped out a handful and stared at it, before spreading it out on the table and zooming in on it with his magnifying glass.


    ¡°No use. Wilson, fetch me the microscope!¡± The microscope, in low demand and looted from a nearby community college, had been easily acquired when Garth was considering doing microscopic alterations to Mythic cores. He hadn¡¯t gotten around to it yet, but it came in handy here.


    At its highest setting, the white dust was a lot less homogenous than it looked.


    Garth looked at it for a few minutes, lighting it up with a bright light summoned just behind the slide, then closing his eyes and deconstructing the memory to isolate what was mana and what wasn¡¯t.


    The ingredients didn¡¯t exactly list themselves out, but in Garth¡¯s memory, he could see the different chunks of material, going ¡®hey, I¡¯m vegetable oil! I have fat!¡± Chunks of dried cow¡¯s-milk for protein, along with a bunch of other shit that didn¡¯t exactly scream natural. It wasn¡¯t bad for babies, it was just hard to replicate any kind of inorganic chemistry


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Garth drummed his fingers on the table. ¡°I need another sample.¡±


    ¡°I like where this is going.¡± Wilson said with a grin.


    ****


    ¡°Goddamn, I¡¯m tired,¡± Jamal said, taking a deep breath.


    ¡°Mmm,¡± Jess said, her eyes closed.


    Jamal was nodding off in their little one room treehouse, his head resting against Jess¡¯s. They¡¯d paid Kristen her fee to watch their babies for the next four hours while they got some sleep, and they were falling asleep at the table after eating lunch.


    Jess¡¯s head leaned against his shoulder and he propped his head against hers, enjoying the smell of her hair as they got some much needed rest.


    ¡°Jessica!¡±


    A shout from the door startled them both awake as Garth kicked open their front door.


    ¡°I need your breast milk!¡±


    ¡°What the hell?¡± Jamal shouted, jumping to his feet.


    ¡°I¡¯ll trade yoouuu.¡± Garth said, waggling the half-full can of formula at them.


    ***


    ¡°That was fun,¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°I agree.¡± Garth said, wiggling his sore nose as he waited for the liquids to boil off of the sample they¡¯d provided him after he¡¯d explained himself.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t expect him to get through the Force shield. Kid¡¯s got a good arm.¡±


    Getting punched by someone with thirty-five strength was like a child getting punched by The Rock.


    Needless to say, Garth had done more damage to the wall of their house with the back of his head than Jamal had done to Garth¡¯s face. It had been a bit like riding a roller-coaster, except at the end they gave you some breast milk to study.


    Once Garth had it down to a thick paste, he spent the afternoon studying its mana signature in his memories. The mana signature of non-magical things, like boob milk, was a lot fainter, but that didn¡¯t mean it wasn¡¯t there, and with the help of the microscope, he was able to get a much better look at the minutia when the thing he was looking at was already zoomed in.


    So is mana-sight vision based or not? Garth thought before shaking his head. Don¡¯t think about it, we got other fish to fry.


    Once Garth had a general idea of what human milk looked like on a mana level, he set about designing his banyan tree. What he needed were shelves, diaper disposal, and milk production.


    Yesss¡­this tree¡¯s gonna have nipples. Garth suppressed a maniacal cackle.


    Essentially what he was designing was a work aid that would reduce the labor necessary to care for babies drastically while also providing food for the milk-vomiting devilspawn.


    A banyan tree had the curious ability to have roots drop from the upper branches to become entirely separate trunks.


    With the right care and direction of its growth, a single Banyan could fill an entire park, it¡¯s root-trunks supporting it.


    Each root-trunk was going to be grow into a separate Baby-station, with a crib and a bottlefeeder, so a single human watcher could care and feed for dozens of them at once. Of course there were hundreds of them, so Garth was going to have to make the entire thing into a huge grove, but once he was done, it would only take maybe thirty people to feed seven hundred and the rest could get back to work producing his drugs.


    Come to think of it, there was a lot Garth could do on that front to streamline production, too. Problems were starting to look solvable. And in one day too. Huzzah for magic.


    ¡°All you gotta do is stare at breastmilk for a couple hours, amiright?¡± Garth asked Betty, who stared at him uncomprehendingly.


    ¡°This girl knows what I¡¯m talking about.¡±


    Once Garth was finishing up his Plant Design spell, he gave his customary pep-talk. Garth wasn¡¯t sure if it was necessary, but he got a critical success the first time he did it, something that had never happened since, and somehow Garth was the best at Plant Design that he¡¯d ever seen. Maybe there was something to it.


    Okay, Ms Banyan, we¡¯re in a little bit of trouble here, and I kinda made too many babies for my own good. I need some infrastructure for us to more efficiently care for them. That¡¯s where you come in. I need you to have nipples. Like, a lot of fully functional mammaries, because each hand making bottles or holding a kid to their chest is one less worker. Sad, but true. At least help us get back to a normal balance.


    And some baby-proof cribs would be appreciated near the base of your trunks, if you wouldn¡¯t mind.


    ¡°What about human contact?¡± Wilson said. ¡°You know human babies need tons of direct attention or else they die or turn out fucked up somehow. At a certain point your streamlining idea doesn¡¯t really hold water. We might be able to get it down to one adult per five or six, but dozens is too much.


    Damn, he¡¯s right. Garth thought, before adding a hopeful plea.


    And if you could hold them and keep them company while their parents are away that would be appreciated.


    Without warning a surge of light bloomed in Garth¡¯s chest, shining behind his eyelids. It was a bright, warm light, travelling down his arm, pounding his blood with it¡¯s own heartbeat as it went. It felt like¡­Beladia¡¯s present?


    ¡°Gah!¡± Garth couldn¡¯t help but shout as it leapt out of his fingertips and into the Banyan seed like a shock of static electricity, along with a swirl of brown and green mana from the surroundings, flooding into the tiny bean-shaped seed.


    The Vagaries of mana have caused a Critical Success! The spell has outperformed your expectations!


    Design Plants proficiency has reached 85%!


    You have learned Create Life! Proficiency 0.001%


    ¡°Ooooo¡­¡± Garth studied the seed that was now packed with so much information it made his eyes hurt to look at it.


    Without wasting a second, Garth put the seed under the microscope, hoping he could learn something about what he¡¯d just done. Because I honestly don¡¯t have a clue Garth thought as he scrunched one eye closed and looked through the microscope.


    Create Life sounded pretty handy, even if it was hard to master.


    Garth marveled at the interweaving threads of mana in a beautiful and brilliant web. He looked all up and down it, trying to figure out what made the new creation tick. What made it so brilliantly complex. Scanning the seed¡¯s aura, Garth realized that it seemed to be fraying at the edges.


    ¡°Crap, we¡¯re on a time limit!¡± Garth shouted. No time to study it when it was degrading as he spoke. Garth ran, snatching up the seeds and bolting out of his garage, stopping long enough to run back, scoop up Betty and run back out.


    Here goes nothing, he thought, filling the oak with Beladia¡¯s mana, then planting the Banyan on a branch of the mighty tree.


    In a matter of minutes, Garth guided the growth of the strangler fig, Ms. Banyan, along the branches of the oak, sending guiding roots down the main trunk and along the branches until a massive network was established, crowding out the sky above and creating an airy grove with Banyan trunks every twenty feet or so.


    Once the tree was big enough, Garth allowed the oak tree frame to die, retracting Beladia¡¯s mana and leaving only Ms. Banyan.


    Garth stood back and admired his work.


    It was¡­less than impressive. The Banyan grove looked like a normal tropical banyan grove. No nipples, no cradles, no nothing.


    It was as Garth was walking through his failure of a grove, bemoaning the lack of nipples, when a woman stepped out of the Banyan trunk, the bark of the tree flowing around her like she¡¯d stepped through a stargate.


    Garth blinked.


    Ms. Banyan looked like a cross between Beladia and Jess: wide hips, full breasts, long green hair, coloration was Beladia''s, while her face reminded him of Jess. Totally naked.


    I think Jamal might punch me again.


    Ms. Banyan looked like she was seeing the world for the first time, looking around in wide-eyed wonder at every rock and twig on the ground. She saw Garth standing there, but her eyes passed over him as he was only as interesting as everything else in the grove. She nudged a rock with her foot, tried to put it in her mouth, spat it out, then tried the same with a stick.


    ¡°Please tell me we don¡¯t have another baby to take care of.¡± Wilson said, rolling his eyes.


    That caught her attention, and Ms. Banyan stared at Wilson for a moment, but when Wilson didn¡¯t do anything else, she returned to crunching dry leaves from the dead oak between her fingers, smiling at the strange sound and sensation.


    It was about this time Betty started fussing. Ms Banyan¡¯s eyes widened, and she stood, gaze unnaturally focused on the wiggling bundle in Garth¡¯s hands. She stepped forward, poking at the lump of wiggling cloth curiously.


    ¡°You sure we should be letting her do this?¡± Wilson whispered.


    ¡°I¡¯m just trying not to startle the newly born¡­whatever she is.¡± Garth whispered back.


    Betty gave a small cry and threw off the cloth hiding her face.


    Ms. Banyan gave an audible gasp, and began peeling away more of the cloth to reveal the wiggling, kicking baby underneath. She tried to scoop Betty out of Garth¡¯s hands.


    ¡°hold on there, slugger.¡± Garth said, drawing away.


    She looked up, startled, as if realizing Garth was there for the first time, then silently held out her hands in front of him, demanding the infant.


    ¡°Well, looks like she¡¯s got the instinct for it, I guess.¡± Garth said, casting all the protection spells he knew of on Betty before handing her over.


    Once the baby was in her hand, Ms. Banyan shuddered in ecstasy, gently holding her close, rocking and wordlessly cooing to her.


    ¡°Hmm..¡± Garth said, watching Betty like a hawk to make sure Ms. Banyan didn¡¯t slip up and try to feed his daughter a rock. Betty was older, after all, and she hadn¡¯t figured that out either. Maybe Kristen, Paul¡¯s kid, could teach Banyan the more technical aspects of taking care of babies.


    She seemed like a quick learner.


    ¡°Um, Garth?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± Garth glanced away from his daughter for a moment to look at Wilson. Standing right behind the lizard was a brown pair of legs.


    Behind Wilson was another Ms. Banyan, watching the baby in the dryad¡¯s arms with a focus usually reserved for stalking cats. Beside her on either side was another, and another. The two of them were surrounded by a hundred Ms. Banyans, silently, longingly, staring at Betty.


    ¡°I think we should get these Banyans some babies.¡± Wilson said


    ¡°Pretty sure they won¡¯t get violent.¡± Garth said, glancing around. ¡°But we shouldn¡¯t risk it.¡±

 Chapter 80: A Tangled Web

    Macronomicon


    Enjoy!


    I realized today that I will never be free of caffeine, so I might as well embrace it.


    God, I need a monster.


    We''re still only 41 Chapters ahead on Patreon since I took a couple days off. If you''re thinking about signing up, maybe wait until after the turn of the month, lest ye get double charged.


    There''s some Beta-reading for other stuff too, if you''re into that sorta thing.


    And as always, Voting is a great way to help out!


    On Nega-Earth:


    ¡°And just like that, all the most disruptive and dangerous potential Demon Lords from Earth have been controlled or destroyed.¡± Irios said, dusting his hands as she gazed out over the destroyed city. The pest-free Earth would avoid the notice of the government until it was too late.


    ¡°So, what now?¡± Erelia asked.


    ¡°Not much.¡± Irios said. ¡°Kipling are immortal, although they seldom lead long lives. I¡¯ll simply build power here for a few generations, then when the time is right, I¡¯ll move back to the Inner Spheres as a wealthy politician and arrange their destruction from the inside. It¡¯ll take a lot longer than you have left to live, so I wouldn¡¯t worry about it.¡±


    ¡°Somebody will stop you,¡± she said, her voice almost a whisper.


    ¡°Somebody always tries to stop me.¡± Irios said, rolling his eyes. ¡°I just try again. Immortal, remember?¡±


    ***


    In the Inner Chambers of the Dan Ui Clan.


    ¡°So Mareen, did you find the cause of your apprentice¡¯s disappearance?¡± Elder Dragus asked, sitting in a meeting with the heads of the Dan Ui clan. He was very curious to know exactly what transpired on Earth.


    ¡°I did. He was killed in an altercation with another clan. I took the price out of the clan and the one who did it in the name of the Dan Ui clan.¡± She said, her forehead pressed to the gold-inlayed floor.


    ¡°What was the price?¡±


    ¡°Twelve million and the one responsible.¡± She spoke.


    ¡°Was there a reason you did not destroy them entirely?¡± Dragus asked, and the entire assembly tensed, expecting imminent violence.


    ¡°They were part of a greater clan, master, and yet poor themselves. There was little profit in it for us.¡±


    ¡°I See. And was there any wizard on earth that was your equal? Perhaps clad in filthy robes and appearing like a beggar?¡± Of course, had she met Castavelle, she would be dead.


    ¡°No, master, I had no equal there.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Dragus turned his attention from Mareen, who crawled backward, her head down. The rest of the masters required his attention.


    Three hours later, when the inner council broke apart, Dragus retired to his Scrying Chamber, filled with the pinpoints of the inhabited stars of the Spheres.


    Rather than watch stars, he brought up a recording obtained from Mareen¡¯s beacon, displayed in three dimensions in the crystal depths of the wall.


    He watched the human cut off Mareen¡¯s flight, slam her to the ground and hit her with a stunning blast of chaotic mental energy, all at once.


    Mareen hadn¡¯t lied to him, only spoken half-truths. It was true she hadn¡¯t met an equal. There was a human on Earth better than her, and millions worse.


    There were thousands of masters out there capable of switching bodies, and nothing this particular one had done had made Dragus believe it was his ancient enemy.


    He was too soft.


    He was clean.


    He seemed to care for his apprentice.


    His style didn¡¯t match.


    Too many flaws in his attack.


    As Dragus sat there, contemplating the next place he would look, blackness boiled out of the corner of the room, creating a figure cloaked in shadow.


    Dragus hadn¡¯t been able to feel it coming, and he¡¯d been able to feel a crack in time. Dragus squashed his initial desire to demand an explanation from the silent figure staring at him.


    It wasn¡¯t wrapped in mana created to look like shadow. It wasn¡¯t cloaked in dark air, or even bent light.


    It was wrapped in true shadow, allowing Dragus to sense nothing but cold from the creature in front of him. Whatever it was, it was better than him.


    There were very few creatures that could claim that. And fewer of them were mortal in origin. A good reason to play it safe.


    ¡°To what do I owe this honor?¡± Dragus said, turning to face it and offering a deep bow.


    ¡°He is the one you seek, fool.¡± The shadow hissed, lifting a clawed finger toward the human frozen on the screen.


    ¡°Remove the obstacle, or I will find a clan more suited to my needs.¡±


    Dragus paled. His needs? It couldn¡¯t be¡­.the mysterious patron of their clan.


    ¡°The Dan Ui Clan will take every measure to ensure he cannot escape!¡± Dragus said, pressing his forehead to the cold stone of the floor.


    ¡°See that you do.¡± Dragus caught a brief flash of teeth in the swirling shadow before the creature was gone.


    Dragus inhaled deeply and took another breath, glancing back at the picture on the wall of the skinny old man in the brightly colored open shirt and sandals.


    The first step was to cut off every route that Castavelle could flee. He had to build a net around Earth that could cut it off entirely without a single gap before he even set foot on the ball of mud.


    It would take years, but Dragus wasn¡¯t going to take any chances. Castavelle¡¯s Heartstone would be exactly what Dragus needed to break through to the seventh tier.


    ****


    Outer Spheres, Approaching Earth.


    Argus glanced down at the list of planets underproducing Mythic cores. It was a short list. Of the billions of inhabited worlds, only a few had produced less than Earth. Those that had had simply been because they had been wiped out by the Kipling.


    No great loss there. The land and the dungeons would be of great benefit.


    Earth was on the opposite side of the spectrum. Someone had warned the natives, and after less than two weeks, the Mythic Core export had dried to a trickle.


    It was only then that they had discovered the regional director, one General Kenra, had passed away at the exact wrong time, his name reaching the desk of his superior too slow for anything to be done to turn things around


    Argus sighed.


    Now Earth was most likely going to become a disruptive power player in the outer spheres, most likely creating a new clan that would swallow up a dozen or more other planets before things settled down.


    Argus¡¯s job was to stop that from happening, but he didn¡¯t really see a way. It was a shit job, given to a political pariah.


    Ah well, Argus thought as he went through his stack of documents. If he couldn¡¯t change the course of history, he could always do the second best thing, and ingratiate himself to a rising star.


    His documents didn¡¯t specify exactly where this Garth fellow was. As a matter of fact, Argus couldn¡¯t even find the man¡¯s scroll, which was somewhat suspicious.


    Argus leaned out the carriage, his breath clouding up in front of him.


    ¡°How long to Earth?¡± he asked the officer riding beside him for the third time. The man rode at the head of an army of fifty thousand mithril-clad second-tier soldiers from the Inner Sphere, tasked with establishing order on the outer planets. They were just finishing with a particularly nasty assignment purging a continent that had fallen far too easily to the Kipling.


    They had been so numerous that many of them had begun to evolve into demons, with no pressure on their numbers. They had started forming organizations, the most dangerous thing that could possibly happen.


    ¡°Since my lord refuses to have a scroll made for himself-¡±


    ¡°No fucking way am I putting my lifeline in a warehouse somewhere my enemies could get to it.¡±


    ¡°It will take another two years.¡± Despite their powered armor, the water spells that kept them hydrated, and the infinite food supply meaning they needed no camp followers and marched light, they still had to travel between sixteen gates, spanning the distance of six continents between them.


    ¡°Daaaamnit.¡±


    ****


    Earth, L.A.


    ¡°I¡¯m thinking what I need is a wizard tower.¡± Garth said, framing the hills with his fingers, picturing where he would put his masterpiece.


    ¡°What?¡± Sandi asked, shaking her head with a frown.


    ¡°Every wizard has a tower, just like every pimp has a chalice. It¡¯s just the natural order of events.¡±


    ¡°You can have your tower once you get Banyan the rest of the way over the mountain.¡±


    ¡°Come on, I could whip up a tower in fifteen minutes, you guys wouldn¡¯t even notice I was gone.¡±


    Garth glanced down the mountain where the Banyan grove was slowly but surely climbing the mountain under the direction of Clarkstown¡¯s Phytomancers, aided by Ms. Banyan, who pushed her trunks from behind, aiding her roots in inchworming through the mountain soil.


    ¡°No. Get back to work.¡±


    Garth heaved a dramatic sigh. He would probably spend a lot longer than fifteen minutes on his tower, anyway. It would probably take him hours to get over the decision paralysis.


    In the last month, Ms. Banyan had become passably able to communicate, and with her help, they were able to meet and exceed their business obligations. And now that the city was clear of Kipling, it was time to truly start rebuilding.


    Unfortunately, the first step was moving everything that could be moved, and Ms. Banyan was the biggest, most unwieldy piece of infrastructure that was coming with them.


    Tables and cabinets and tools could all be loaded up on wagons and pulled by Banta, and houses were being re-grown. It wasn¡¯t too hard to shape a nice gentle switchback with a bit of Earth and Plant magic for the wagons, but Ms.Banyan was just too big to accommodate. It took the combined efforts of every phytomage they had plus Garth, just to move her.


    Garth pulled the mana around him in, creating a Lantern by habit. He was up to about fifteen feet wide now, much more powerful than when he¡¯d started, but still pretty lame, according to Cass.


    Garth wove the mana into Banyan¡¯s roots, and the struggling phytomancers let out a collective sigh of relief as the grove lurched forward again, going from snail¡¯s pace to a casual walk.


    They¡¯d be up the mountain in another half hour or so. Downhill couldn¡¯t be as difficult, right?


    Five hours later, Ms. Banyan rested at the foot of the mountain. There was still work to do moving her where she was supposed to be, but they wouldn¡¯t need Garth to do it.


    Before Garth was able to get started on his wizard tower, a bunch of people headed by Jim and Clark dragged him aside and had him look over a map of the city, bugging him about ¡®sanitation¡¯ and ¡®roads¡¯ and where everyone was going to stay.


    ¡°I can¡¯t be the only person with a perfect memory and over fifty intelligence, can I?¡± Garth asked the assembled people. At their awkward glances at each other, Garth sighed.


    ¡°Alright, fine. Focus on these main roads, keep them as open as possible for traffic to and from the outpost. We¡¯re going to cut a path through the mountain starting here.¡± Garth pointed at the map.


    ¡°Clark, make a water plant that can thrive in the sewers without choking them up. Don¡¯t let anyone live in these three places yet, their elevation means the crap literally won¡¯t flow downhill. There¡¯s a sewer connection right here, plug it. We want it going straight into the ocean for now. Not particularly eco-friendly, but our population is way too small to give a shit. I¡¯ll let one of my great grandkids deal with that problem.¡±


    ¡°Up northeast, there¡¯s a section of forest surrounded entirely by low mountains, burn it down and set up our coke plantation there. it¡¯s at least five hundred acres, so it¡¯ll last us a couple decades, plus it¡¯s fortifiable. I¡¯ll help with that.¡±


    ¡°West of that, on the slopes of the mountain is some good farmland where you guys can get started setting people up with farms to feed the city. Send anyone who wants to be a farmer up there to stake out a claim as long as they can justifiably work it. give Oopal and Ma¡¯ta first dibs.¡±


    ¡°These mountains up here are too low. I want to raise them a mile or two. Then we can design channels that lead back to us.


    ¡°A mile or two?¡± Clark asked, his jaw hanging loose.


    ¡°We got the mythic cores for it.¡± Garth said. All they had to do was plug the right spells into them and they could give them to survey teams to raise or lower the land at their whim.


    Probably an ecological disaster, but ah well, Garth was pretty confident he could work around that. After all, the hyper-fertility didn¡¯t just work on humans.


    ¡°We¡¯re gonna need a steady supply of fresh water. I want a mountain giving us that water, not a pipeline we no longer have the technology to control. I know you¡¯ve had plenty to drink so far because a large portion of us are magic users, but I don¡¯t want to be stuck supplying the entire city some day. If you couldn¡¯t tell by the young tree woman taking care of our kids, I¡¯m a big fan of automation. Humans are in general. If we can set something up to take care of itself, we¡¯d rather do that. We¡¯re lazy bastards, but we¡¯re creative.¡±


    ¡°Did you know they compare us to dwarves?¡± Garth asked. ¡°They say ¡®wow, look at all the stuff the humans built before they joined the spheres, it looks just like dwarvish architecture, isn¡¯t that marvelous¡­how quaint¡¯.¡±


    ¡°We did all that with these two hands.¡± Garth said, holding out his arms. ¡°Not a magic spell between the seven billion of us. Well, this time, this time we¡¯re gonna scare the piss out of them.¡±


    ¡°Round up any volunteers you can find with architecture and civil engineering experience, feed them a shit-ton of memory and Intelligence heartstones. I want the minimum I.Q. to be two hundred and fifty, with the ability to remember every textbook they ever read with perfect clarity. If they don¡¯t have a class yet, get them something with Earth magic. We don¡¯t exactly have access to heavy machinery anymore. I¡¯ve given you all the broad stroke, but we need experts to tackle the minutia.¡±


    They nodded and set off, scurrying to find volunteers. Everyone except for Jim, who stood beside Garth, watching the setting sun, brooding.


    ¡°Now If you¡¯ll excuse me,¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go make a tower.¡±


    ¡°I spent some time with Leanne, on one of the missions you ditched on.¡± Jim said.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°She told me about how you saved her from Kipling a couple times, how you guys made up code phrases so you would know when the other person is in trouble.¡±


    ¡°Why, is she in trouble?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Or did she die?¡± they¡¯d been trading with Leanne¡¯s people for a while now, the latter option was unlikely, but who knew? Things could change real fast on Earth nowadays.


    ¡°What was that code you guys came up with?¡±


    ¡°What, Fire at will?¡±


    ¡°no..¡±


    ¡°Spiderweb?¡±


    Jim¡¯s eyelid twitched.


    ¡°Nevermind, I was wrong.¡± He marched away through the short, poisonous grass of the reclaimed city. Garth called it Grass.


    ¡°You thought that was weird too, right?¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°Yeeeaaah,¡± Garth said, staring after him. ¡°Something¡¯s off.¡± He knelt and placed his hand in the grass. Never hurt to use the environment to your advantage.


    ¡°Keep an eye on him for me, okay?¡±


    The grass around Garth trembled in acknowledgement.


    ¡°More off than spying on your brother?¡± Sandi asked, her Lure holding Lucy and Betty while she held Ma¡¯ta in her hands.


    ¡°Yes.¡± Garth and Wilson said as one.

 Chapter 81: Experiments

    ¡°See if you can cut him in half!¡± Jamal shouted from the volunteer-assembled bleachers.


    Garth stood across the training ground from Cass, trying not to sweat in his eyes. They were standing in short-cropped, lush grass in what used to be some rich guy¡¯s backyard before it was reclaimed and turned into Garth¡¯s personal practice yard.


    A mana-voided circle surrounded both of them as they approached each other. When the two circles began to overlap, crackling bolts energy began to dance along the floor between the two of them as the friction of the mana tearing away from each other¡¯s lanterns created lightning.


    Garth was too busy to think about how badass it might look to the audience watching their match. Every sense was trained on the old man. Garth held an ironwood blade in front of himself, ready to stab. He needed something physical to pass through Cass¡¯s lantern, because a pure magic attack would be torn apart before it could reach him.


    Cass grinned, and a cocoon of space magic folded around him.


    Garth thrust the ironwood blade forward, the blade soaring forward to cover the thirty feet of distance. The bastard was probably teleporting, so¡­Garth had the pommel of the blade burst into life, sending branches in every direction behind him, hoping to catch the bastard by surprise.


    Rather than disappearing however, Cass stayed right where he was, and the blade seemed to slide around him.


    ¡°Neat spell, huh?¡± Cass asked, holding up his hand. There was a flash of light between his fingers, and Garth threw himself to the ground.


    The ironwood cage that had grown up around Garth was severed in half by an invisible blade, collapsing in on itself.


    Garth withdrew the power of growth, turning the collapsing pile of wood to ash just before it touched his skin, allowing him to sprint through the sudden briar without slowing, creating a cloud of dust as he ran.


    Garth lunged forward, tearing his sword away from the main mass, reaching into the ground and commandeering roots with mana channeled through his feet as he did.


    Spouts erupted from the ground and shot organic napalm at Cass before lighting it on fire.


    ¡°It makes it so there is an extra six feet around me in one direction. Pretty wild, huh?¡±


    The napalm squirted around him, missing the archmagi and splattering all over the ground before erupting into flame.


    ¡°Although the heat seems to be able to cross the distance.¡± He said, glancing at the fire.


    Garth leapt through the flames and swung his blade down, sublimating it into poisonous torpor vapor as he did. Despite Cass being within arm¡¯s length, the blade wouldn¡¯t hit him, seemingly shrinking as it got close.


    Cass¡¯s Lantern was slowly beginning to overtake his own, so Garth knew he needed to get out of range soon. He lengthened the blade by three feet and made another lunge before leaving, invading the old man¡¯s personal space and hoping to poison him.


    ¡°Two things.¡± Cass said as the blade shrank and bent away from him.


    ¡°The effect lenses reality in such a way that anything not perfectly aimed at me will miss, and¡­¡±


    He reached out and grabbed Garth by the neck. ¡°I said it only worked in one direction.¡±


    Cass casually kicked Garth¡¯s legs out from under him, toppling him to the floor.


    Garth flipped, putting his arms and legs under him and springing up and away, trying to get out of range before his Lantern was completely consumed. Garth was flying backward, perpendicular to the ground when Cass raised his hand again, a wicked grin on his face.


    Garth heart slammed in his chest as he tried to use Fly to change his trajectory, but his mana was eaten out from under him by Cass¡¯s lantern.


    An instant later, Garth¡¯s legs went numb as his top was separated from his bottom, a blade of bisected space passing through his stomach.


    ¡°Whooo!¡± Jamal shouted, throwing his hands up.


    The audience gasped, a few of them cheered while mothers covered the eyes of their children.


    ¡°Gah!¡± Garth couldn¡¯t help but scream wordlessly as a hitherto unimaginable pain assaulted him. Garth felt his mind shutting down, animalistically trying to claw the door shut and block out the pain.


    Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Cass approaching.


    ¡°Are we continuing or what?¡± Cass asked.


    All Garth could do was try to keep breathing. His Lantern had long since been abandoned.


    Cass sighed and put his hand on Garth¡¯s chest, and Garth¡¯s legs slid the three feet across the dirt to reunite with his upper body, coming back together seamlessly, as it they had never been apart.


    ¡°Well, I guess that¡¯s the last bout for today. Don¡¯t forget to do your homework and practice manipulating the size and potency of your Lantern, along with breathing exercises, make sure you get your cardio. There are fifty five year old men more athletic than you.¡±


    ¡°You know,¡± Cass said, kneeling down beside him ¡°At first I thought you were a pretty cautious fellow in a fight, but when the chips are down, you really turned out to be a go-for-the-throat kinda guy. Nothing wrong with that, those kind of people tend to win more often than not. But you know who wins every time?¡±


    ¡°You?¡± Garth asked sarcastically.


    ¡°Me.¡±


    ¡°You know why I win every time?¡±


    ¡°Enlighten me.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a better judge of when not to go for the throat, test the waters, and pull my punches. I¡¯m not saying to always be cautious, I¡¯m saying you need to learn when to be, or else you¡¯re gonna wind up cut in half somewhere because the endgame you had planned didn¡¯t work.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll keep it in mind.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you will.¡± Cass said, chuckling as he poked Garth in the belly.


    ***


    ¡°Give my creation life!¡± Garth shouted at the peanut seed in his hand. Unsurprisingly, the seed didn¡¯t respond.


    ¡°hmmm¡­¡± Garth said, resting his chin on his hand as he studied the seed in the confines of his tower. It was a homey, well lit affair. It was made of wood of course, but it was lit with a warm glow from the ceiling and cooled by circulating air deep in the stone of the mountain, through it¡¯s roots. The hot water was pumped to the top of the tree where it was heated by sun and magic, where it could be used for showers. The whole thing was very cushy, in a medieval sort of way.


    Now that the moving into L.A. had slowed down long enough for him to catch his breath, there were a lot of things in his Status that Garth wanted to explore.


    In no particular order: Create life, Shadow Affinity, Plant Biology, Mind Palace and Memory Lane. Also on the table was making Wilson more combat-ready, streamlining his plant magic, getting better at applying spell effects to plants, and practicing Illusion.


    Garth was pretty sure he¡¯d been able to decode just a little bit of Beladia¡¯s present at the moment it leapt out of his finger, giving him the barest hint at how to create sentient life. And what mad scientist didn¡¯t aim for that at some point?


    The ability wasn¡¯t a spell. Rather, it was a skill, nestled in with the likes of Recursive Casting. Did that mean he could apply it to nonliving spells and give them a will of their own? Or would it make physical bodies only? Garth couldn¡¯t wait to unpackage the ability.


    Only problem was, the skill was so underdeveloped, that Garth wasn¡¯t making much headway in practicing it¡­


    And he didn¡¯t know of any way of practicing it other than spamming the skill as best he could.


    Garth had gotten it to 0.005% proficiency through trial and error. Much better than before, but still¡­ not really capable of making anything more advanced than a mental construct. What was the difference, even? Garth had made some fairly complex constructs that could do advanced if/then comparison thinking, but it hadn¡¯t given him the skill.


    Garth figured it might have something to do with independence. The ability to grow separate, unbeholden to his will.


    ¡°If a defining trait is that it can choose not to do what I say, why should I bother?¡± Garth said aloud, balancing the seed on his fingertip.


    ¡°I mean, ¡®cuz it¡¯s cool, right?¡± Wilson asked from where he and Ms. Banyan were playing Peekaboo with the girls, who chortled and screamed whenever they reappeared from behind a surface. Not a great atmosphere for thinking.


    Benta and Sandi were off to get her some dinner and explore the city¡¯s dungeons. Garth already had a report of which dungeons were mutated, and which weren¡¯t. They had lucked out, and a single dungeon on the north-east mountain had mutated, growing the mineral adamantium in its walls. It was currently under guard.


    On the beach, there was another mutant dungeon that bribed people with shiny seashells and pearls. Once a few years went by the dungeon would start putting out more useful things, or at the very least, more valuable jewelry.


    That was where Sandi had gone, interested in getting herself a pearl necklace.


    She could¡¯ve just asked for one. Garth thought, staring at the seed.


    Maybe I can review the memory a couple times and learn more about what happened. Reviewing the memory itself should help me grow a lot faster than fumbling around in the dark. Garth decided to do that before bed. In the meantime, he had a bunch of other things to poke around with.


    Against the wall was a mouse cage where Mac the mouse was idly chewing on wood scraps and pooping in the corner.


    Mac was the brave pioneer of Garth¡¯s symbiote plant that would release undifferentiated stem cells into the atmosphere.


    ¡°I¡¯d like to see the old man¡¯s face when plants start magically growing from the air around my skin.¡± Garth said, opening the cage and taking Mac out, petting him.


    ¡°He¡¯d probably skin you then give you a lecture.¡± Wilson said.


    Garth shuddered. That might actually happen.


    Garth shook his head and got to work checking the mouse¡¯s health. It had been carrying the plant for two weeks, and it was still healthy. In fact, it might be more healthy than it had ever been. A good sign.


    Garth channeled mana out of the air and just over the mouse¡¯s skin, where it sank into the tiny free-floating cells. little floating green pockets of air sprang up around the mouse, rising into the air.


    With a wave of his hand, Garth made their dangling roots coil together and strengthen the bond between them, forming a complex three dimensional prism floating in midair above the mouse.


    Garth set Mac down and the roots went down to the table, creating a new cage for the mouse before the plants twined together and grew into a statue of a fish.


    ¡°Seems pretty silly.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°Check this out.¡±


    Garth lowered the mass of the new cage even more, and it began to float, taking Mac with it as it rose into the air. Little leaf-fins emerged from its sides, paddling it through the air, passenger in tow. It reminded Garth of one of those floating fish that engineers felt the need to display at their offices to prove how cool they were. Garth¡¯s was better though.


    ¡°I think the symbiote is ready,¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m gonna want to do some careful watching on a controlled patch of skin, but I think it might work.¡±


    ¡°Neat.¡± Wilson said as Ma¡¯ta nearly poked him in the eye while clumsily reaching for his face.


    Next order of business¡­Plant biology.


    That made Garth wonder. His status said he was human adjacent, and Plant biology wasn¡¯t a skill, nor was it a spell. It was an evolution.


    That suggested to Garth that he was becoming more plant-like. Good, bad? Who knew. He¡¯d have to ask Cass if there was such a thing as a detrimental evolution.


    I wonder if I can use Design Plant on myself? Garth wondered, staring at his hands.


    Thorns for nails. Garth thought, weaving the spell around his hand.


    Shiny black talons grew from Garth¡¯s fingers with an odd stretching sensation.


    ¡°Whoah.¡±


    ¡°Whoah!¡± Wilson said. Garth glanced over at Wilson, who was backing away from Betty. Wilson¡¯s nails had turned from green to black as well, along with his fangs, which were about a quarter inch longer, and sharper. The soft, sticky spines on his back had darkened. All in all, he looked a lot¡­ sharper than before.


    Betty was staring at where a drop of blood was welling up on her palm, her jaw dropped in speechlessness. A moment later she let out the mother of all wails, forcing them to slap their hands over their ears before Ms. Banyan scooped her up and began calming her down, giving Wilson and Garth a furious look.


    ¡°Don¡¯t look at me,¡± Wilson said, pointing at Garth. ¡°He did it!¡±


    That wasn¡¯t poisonous right? Garth thought as he worked to undo the change, reverting his fingernails to normal.


    Probably. You didn¡¯t mention anything to that effect, so I think we¡¯re good. The two of them conferred silently so as not to alarm Ms. Banyan. They didn¡¯t want her telling on them any more than she already was.


    So I¡¯m a plant-man now, huh? Garth thought idly as he looked at his own hand. I wonder what other changes I can make.


    Polymorph was essentially a temporary spell to transmute living things, but Design Plant changed it for good. Garth could piggyback on that to change himself permanently, on a fundamental level.


    Very interesting. Scary, but very interesting.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 82: Queen

    Macronomicon


    Back in the groove, mostly on account of 16 Oz cans of pink monster finally making their way up to Alaska again.


    I. Am. Caffeinated.


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    Should be sometime this month. Probably.


    As always thanks to all the readers for their continued support and hell, just for reading and enjoying it. That''s what it''s there for.


    In the meantime, A Vote is always helpful for directing new readers this way!


    When Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt arrived at her hive, the celebration was legendary.


    In the handful of months since she¡¯d sent the Mythic Cores home, their fortunes had improved tremendously. Nymphs and drones who¡¯d worked the land by hand for hours to eke out a mouthful of shoots a day were now leading teams of banta, digging troughs to make room for rows of shoots as far as the eye could see.


    Once the harvest came in the problem would no longer be how to get enough food, it would become how to store it, and where to sell the rest. A good problem to have.


    Her hivemates assembled houses, bridges, mills, and pens for livestock with the teamwork that could only be expected from Tzetin, using good steel tools. She even saw a two-person sawblade with blueish adamantium teeth, with a wooden handle and steel back, designed to be replaced every fifteen years or so. The teeth might outlast the hive itself.


    The entire hive was a frenzy of activity. The three spheres had more than blown away their debt to the Inner Spheres, and her queen, in her wisdom, had bought all the materials needed to make them self-sufficient, including a fair amount of preserved food and wine, to feed her people well for the half-year of backbreaking labor it would require.


    It was this very same wine that flowed upon her return.


    ¡°In honor of Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt, your Queen-to-be, and those who did not return, Drink!¡± her queen shouted from the raised dais. Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt shifted uncomfortably, bottle in hand, drawing from the straw built into her winecup. She stood beside her Queen, under the watchful eyes of the rest of the hive.


    Gone were the strange antennae twitches and odd, querying gazes, replaced with blind adoration from every member of the hive. She could see it in the way their antennae were held low and trembling gently.


    But that wasn¡¯t the only thing that made her uncomfortable.


    Behind her, immortalized as a pale imitation of themselves, her companions, Tch¡¯naztt and Tit¡¯chitet stared down at her, their antennae frozen in a noble posture of self-sacrifice.


    And it was true. They had given of themselves, and Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡­she had learned to take from others. The disparity of it made her want to retch, and the only thing she could do was force her antennae into the neutral Attentive/Neutral pose as the party went on, masking her discomfort.


    Below her, the drones caroused. For one day, princesses, warriors, drones, and Nymphs mingled freely, unconcerned with caste or gender, the words they spoke nothing but praise and gratefulness for Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt and her deeds.


    ¡°I¡¯ve always admired you!¡± a drunk young Nymph stumbled onto the dais to speak to Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt. He had large, glittering eyes that seemed to take in everything around him, his antennae moved rapidly between complex emotions and thoughts with remarkable speed, despite being drunk, but his waist was absent fat reserves and his shoulders narrow. A bright mind and a pretty pair of eyes on a frail body.


    The pair of warriors tasked with protecting the Queen stepped forward to move him away but the Queen stopped them with an amused gesture from her antennae.


    ¡°Others may have dismissed it, but I-¡® the skinny male took another long draw on the straw in his cup. ¡°I knew you had what it took to be a queen¡­Lovely and strong and¡­different. We need¡­different.¡±


    The male collapsed onto the floor, his drink sloshing out of his cup.


    ¡°How about that one?¡± the Queen asked, amused as the wine began to spread toward Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s feet. She backed away from spill as the Royal Guard picked the young Nymph off the floor and cleaned up his mess.


    ¡°How about that one, what?¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt asked.


    ¡°As a mate.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt blinked. She hadn¡¯t thought about that. At all. Her mind had been so embroiled with the inner turmoil of leaving her hivemates behind that she hadn¡¯t even thought about what came after she got home.


    The ceremony. And becoming a Queen.


    ¡°Kolath¡¯s balls,¡± she said in surprise. ¡°Why that one?¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t one male as good as any other? And you know he spoke the truth. He admired you before you left.¡±


    Not speaking the truth was a concept that hardly even existed, except recently, to the Tzetin Queens.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt considered it for a moment, before turning her Antennae down dismissively.


    ¡°I would prefer a mate that would ensure a strong generation to follow yours.¡± Itet said, her mandibles clenched tight with seriousness. She would birth the next generation. She couldn¡¯t let the hive down with sickly, skinny drones with bright eyes.


    ¡°I see. I will choose one for you then, Is that acceptable?¡±


    ¡°By your will.¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt nodded.


    ****


    When the party was over, the Queen led her down to the Succession Chamber, buried deep underneath the Queen¡¯s hut.


    The chamber had been dug into the stone millennia ago by a spare queen that had been produced by a thriving Tzetin hive, cut straight into the stone with nothing more than the carapace-breaking labor of her and her spawn.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt followed the Queen down into the earth, tree roots and low ceilings forcing her to duck her head. She dragged her fingers against the rough-hew walls as the air turned cold and damp.


    Finally, the Succession Chamber lay before them, a nest of soft pillows and silks in a depression of rock, lit by curiously glowing mushrooms that hung from the ceiling. The mushrooms had an odd, x-shaped pattern of darkness on each of their bulbous surfaces.


    ¡°Now, I will reveal the method by which a queen is made.¡± The Queen said, motioning for Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt to follow her into the chamber.


    ¡°Every day for a month, you will stay here in the darkness, and consume the milk and flesh of these mushrooms, Glow-caps, you call them, but us queens know of them as Queensfruit.¡± The queen picked up a wooden bowl and made a quick slash across a large mushroom in an X, with the center being at the lowest point.


    ¡°The combination of darkness, and a diet rich in glowcaps, will trigger a growth spurt, leading to sexual maturity.¡±


    The mushroom began to bleed a steady stream of glowing fluid, and the queen held the bowl beneath it until the dripping slowed drastically, then she held it out to Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt, nearly half full of glowing liquid.


    ¡°We¡¯ll begin right now.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt accepted the bowl and drank its contents through the bowl¡¯s straw. Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt was concerned there might be an odd chemical taste, but the milk was mostly tasteless with an odd earthy flavor.


    ¡°And as for the flesh,¡± the queen said, scraping a small mushroom off the wall. ¡°One of these a day is plenty.¡± She handed it to Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt, who ate it obediently. Once again, a mostly tasteless, earthy flavor, except with a bit of squishy consistency between her mandibles.


    ¡°Am I supposed to feel anything?¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt asked.


    ¡°Not yet,¡± the Queen said with an amused twitch of her antennae. ¡°But after the first week or so, you¡¯ll definitely be feeling something.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt wasn¡¯t sure if the queen had just made a dirty joke, as it was difficult to make out her antennae in the darkness of the cave, so she decided to remain silent.


    ¡°Good luck. The Nymph I choose for you will take care of your necessities.¡±


    ¡°Thank you my Queen.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, for coming through for us.¡± She turned to leave before pausing. ¡°And I wanted you to know, I never once doubted you. That wasn¡¯t why I made you stay on Earth. I wanted you to be proud of the home you returned to. I was ashamed of what my naivete had done to my hive, and wanted it to be different when you returned. I wanted it to be in a state where I could give it to you, my daughter, without shame.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m honored.¡± Itet said, her antennae in reverence.


    ¡°I¡¯ll see you in a month.¡± The Queen said, heading back up the tunnel into the Queen¡¯s Hut.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt eyed the exceedingly comfortable looking ten foot wide depression in the floor filled with silks and pillows, and decided to sharpen her swords, back against the cold stone wall.


    ****


    ¡°So the travel time from the Inner spheres to the outer spheres is pretty long, but across a single universe is actually longer.¡± Garth said as the two of them walked down a dirt path, backpacks over their shoulders, looking for all the world like a father and daughter on a trip.


    To either side of the path were shinta farmers weeding rice paddies. Or at least what he assumed to be rice paddies. Who knew on this planet?


    ¡°Then we gotta pass from one hemisphere to the next. Without government aid, that¡¯s a long, painful proposition that probably includes several checks to make sure we¡¯re not Kipling. Which we are, apparently.¡±


    ¡°So, alternatives?¡± Leanne asked, watching the farmers hungrily. Garth was impressed she was able to follow the conversation and lust after their meat at the same time. That sounded wrong.


    ¡°Well, the alternatives are just giving up and settling down somewhere that¡¯s not Earth, depriving us of our favorite meal.¡± For some reason human tasted way better than any other walking, talking species.


    At that comment, Leanne spat on the ground in disgust.


    ¡°Ooor, we could make friends with some people who traffic illicit goods across the spheres, and bum a ride off of them.¡±


    ¡°What makes you think they won¡¯t just kill us?¡±


    ¡°The thought had occurred to me.¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°But I mean, they¡¯re only feeling, weak, humanoid meat sacks anyway. It¡¯s not like the inter-hemisphere Gates they own are gonna shut down if we kill them all.¡±


    ¡°So what¡¯s the plan?¡± Leanne asked.


    ¡°This.¡± Garth said, motioning to the planet around him. ¡°Is the planet where Arcanite is produced. Arcanite is a highly illegal poisonous mineral that comes from a swath of mutated dungeons on this particular planet. The mineral, when diluted, becomes an extremely addictive and pleasurable drug, and when worked into sanatite blades, gives them a natural poisonous effect that never fades. One needle made of pure Arcanite will fuck up somebody¡¯s day, while the nobility run around with tiny diluted needles with a reddish hue, and put that shit under their skin like acupuncture to get off. Best of all, the expensive ones made with sanatite never lose their potency, so an aristocrat can shoot up whenever they feel like it.¡±


    ¡°I already know all that.¡± Leanne said with a scowl. ¡°That¡¯s what the guys you tortured to death all said.¡±


    ¡°Well, you gotta read between the lines.¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°You must not have watched enough TV growing up. Where there is an illegal drug with a known source, and a lot of law enforcement involved, there is corruption and smuggling.¡±


    ¡°Somehow, adventurers are going into those mines and walking out with their pockets stuffed with arcanite despite people watching for it, and someone is making bank off of it. all we have to do is join the local dungeon delving scene, start at the grass roots and work our way up on the merits of having absolutely no limits, morally speaking.¡±


    ¡°Like Kaiser Soze.¡±


    ¡°Hooolleeee shit. You actually knew one.¡±


    ¡°I watched it at a friend¡¯s house when her mom went to work.¡±


    ¡°Anyway, once we find out where their lair is, we either strike a bargain or brutally murder their entire family. Whichever they prefer. In the meantime we can get some street cred as adventurers.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t they have scanny-thingys?¡± Leanne asked, referring to the orbs that read people¡¯s status.


    ¡°Why do you think we¡¯re in a Podunk town like this? Garth asked, gesturing to the thatch-roofed shacks around them.


    ¡°They¡¯ll be lucky to have paper to write on.¡±


    ***


    ¡°Write your name, attributes and class here, along with any special information about yourself you wish the guild to know.¡± A rather skinny orc woman said, sliding a rough sheet of paper toward them. The paper had blotchy boxes with strange characters stamped on them, and Garth couldn¡¯t read a single word.


    ¡°Could you translate these boxes for me?¡± Garth asked sheepishly. The orc woman rolled her eyes and listed off all the boxes from top to bottom at a speed almost too quick to follow.


    ¡°Since you can¡¯t read, I¡¯m required to ask if you know your rights and responsibilities as an adventurer, and whether or not you have a class.¡±


    ¡°Class?¡± Garth asked, glancing at Leanne. ¡°Do they have Wizards?¡±

 Chapter 83: Date Night

    Macronomicon


    Took a long weekend.


    Speaking of, don''t expect any updates July 4-6. I''m gonna be binging Stranger Things season 3.


    Hell yeah.


    Anyway, Patreon''s 43 Chapters ahead! Impatient bastards just like you have offered so much enthusiasm and support to keep this thing humming along, so come check it out if you''re tired of waiting!


    And a vote here sends more readers this way, without fail!


    ¡°Let¡¯s see¡­ muscle tissue density vs. oxygenation.¡± Garth said, rubbing his chin as he studied himself in a cheap full-length mirror raided from a shopping mall.


    ¡°White meat or dark meat.¡± Wilson said.


    The age old problem. Garth could make his muscles denser, in exchange for being short of breath that much faster, or he could increase endurance by expanding the total area his circulatory system took up. It was all about surface area.


    Or he could just leave well enough alone.


    For someone like Garth, who took days to design a character from first level to twentieth, the joy was in the tinkering. There was no way he would pass up on the opportunity to optimize himself.


    ¡°Maybe we¡¯re thinking about this wrong.¡± Wilson Said. ¡°Maybe pair the physical changes with chemical ones? If you had some chemicals that stored and released oxygen more efficiently coursing through your veins, you could afford to pack the muscle cells closer together.


    ¡°Not just that,¡± Garth said, leaning over to scribble a note on his sheet of paper beside ¡®octopus eyes?¡¯. ¡°Don¡¯t forget inefficiencies in bone structure. I mean, the human foot has way too many bones.


    ¡°Graphene laced bones?¡± Garth said out loud, making another mark in his notebook. The longer and stronger the molecule chains he could produce, the stronger it would make his bones.


    ¡°Maybe, but not too much. Don¡¯t want you to pass out and die when your blood stops getting made.¡±


    ¡°Heh, yeah.¡± All this stuff was theoretical, and any one mistake could lead to a health problem that simply made him pass away in his sleep, without any chance to correct it.


    ¡°You realize that all the plant design we¡¯ve done so far haven¡¯t been too in detail, and yet your creations come out fine despite not knowing your biology as well as you should. This universe seems to be about intent more than cold hard facts.


    ¡°I know, but do you really wanna be that guy?¡± Garth asked, turning to look at Wilson before adopting an arrogant stance.


    ¡°You cannot destroy me, Captain Obvious, I¡¯ve laced my blood with nannites that instantly heal me!¡±


    Garth raised his hands upward, curled into claws. ¡°Oh, no, the nannites are taking over my body! It was so obvious!¡±


    ¡°Just playing devil¡¯s advocate. I¡¯m the part of you that likes to disagree with yourself.¡±


    ¡°Great.¡± Garth snorted and leaned back over the paper, jotting down a few more ideas. ¡®Pain tolerance, respiratory system overhaul¡­


    ¡°Sweat glands!¡± Wilson shouted, causing Garth to look over his shoulder.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°How long has it been since you sweated? Seriously sweated?¡±


    Garth looked down at himself, and paused to think about it. they lived in a pretty damn hot local, and yet¡­he didn¡¯t remember sweating, even when training with Cass.


    ¡°¡­before the Kipling.¡±


    ¡°Before you got Temperature Resistance.¡± Wilson said.


    ¡°Ah.¡± Close enough. ¡°Where you going with that?¡±


    ¡°My guess is you still have ¡®em, so why not put them to good use?¡±


    ¡°Spore factories?¡± Garth asked, reading the lizard¡¯s mind. Make the idle sweat glands serve a secondary function. They were even conveniently placed with microscopic tubes that lead to the surface of the skin.


    Wilson booped his nose.


    ¡°Not a bad idea.¡±


    That might raise Garth¡¯s appetite to fuel the creation of said spores, but that would probably just bring his appetite back up to the normal human amount. Garth had eaten that much before.


    ¡®Spore sweat glands¡¯, Garth wrote down and underlined in the notebook, beside all his other doodles focused on eliminating the weaknesses of the human body. To the side, there was a little diagram of a human head with a miniature heart buried inside it.


    Garth didn¡¯t intend to get his head cut off anytime soon, but it never hurt to be prepared. If he tweaked his skin to reabsorb the oxygen created in photosynthesis, he could probably keep his brain running for a few minutes longer than otherwise, even without a set of lungs.


    ¡°Arterial gates.¡± Garth said. ¡°I know arteries can close themselves off to a certain extent but what if we put structures inside me that could completely shut them off indefinitely, at a moment¡¯s notice?¡±


    ¡°To prevent bleeding out?¡±


    ¡°Pretty much.¡± Cass had a penchant for tough love, which included lopping things off to make sure Garth was taking his lessons seriously. Bastard. It did however, lead Garth to consider losing body parts as within the realm of possibilities.


    ¡°I like it. Works well with your burning need to get decapitated. Just make sure you can unplug them too.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t ever want to be a detached head,¡± Garth said, jotting it down. ¡°But better safe than sorry.¡±


    Garth put the pencil down, and looked over the notebook. ¡°Alright, OSHA requirements for mad scientists limits them to one body enhancement a month for safety reasons. Let¡¯s start with some of the least invasive, least dangerous changes, and work our way up from there.¡±


    Garth looked through his list, discarding any that touched on his circulatory system or any other system absolutely vital for life. So many of Garth¡¯s changes were invasive alterations to major body systems, he easily narrowed the choices down to three.


    ¡°Sweat glands, foot bones, or eyeballs?¡± Garth said aloud.


    ¡°Foot bones are the least likely to cause a problem in your daily life since you can fly, but my vote is for the sweat glands, since it was my idea.¡±


    ¡°Sounds good to me,¡± Garth said, pulling up memories of the all-purpose spore from every angle and magnification, superimposing them on his vision and deconstructing their mana pattern before he began to weave a sheet of mana around himself.


    Design Plant.


    Alright, me, you¡¯ve got some sweat glands that haven¡¯t been doing much of anything these last couple months, what I want you to do is to output a steady stream of something. I¡¯m not talking gushing constantly, I don¡¯t want to be a sweaty bastard. Just the normal human amount of passive perspiration, laced with these spores. Garth brought the recipe for the stem cells to the forefront of his mind as the mana sank into his skin.


    Do a good job and we¡¯ll be kicking Cass¡¯s ass before long. Garth thought, giving himself a thumbs up.


    The mana tingled through his skin for a moment before disappearing, and Garth waited for himself to have a heart attack or sudden change in the chemical balance of his brain that made him go bat-shit-crazy.


    Nothing happened.


    Garth tested his resting heart rate.


    Same as before.


    ¡°How many fingers?¡± Wilson said, holding up two claws.


    ¡°Two.¡±


    ¡°Any murderous impulses, difficulty speaking, strange cravings, or unusual changes in behavior that might indicate a stroke?¡±


    ¡°None so far.¡± Garth said, taking a deep breath. ¡°I feel fine.¡±


    Garth held out his hand and grew a tiny flower from the air above it. The delicate purple and yellow flower fluttered down out of the air and landed in his palm before turning to solid wood, and then a pale white ash.


    ¡°Is it time to do the laugh?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°Muahahahah!¡± Garth laughed uproariously, with Wilson joining in.


    ¡°What are you two doing?¡± Sandi demanded, entering the Laboratory level of Garth¡¯s tower. ¡°Why aren¡¯t you dressed yet?¡±


    ¡°Right, date night.¡± Garth said, snatching up his pants and stumbling into them as quickly as he could.


    ****


    ¡°This isn¡¯t exactly what I was thinking when you sold me on the idea of date night,¡± Garth said, hands in his pockets as he pinned a lumbering ogre against the wall with ironwood stakes. Nearby, Sandi leapt on the other one that was distracted by her Lure, sinking her scythe-like talons deep into the giant¡¯s chest cavity.


    ¡°Not to say I¡¯m not enjoying myself.¡± Garth clarified as he stepped backward, leaving an illusion of himself behind. Gotta practice that illusion skill, now that Pala was watching him closer. Gotta be mysterious. Garth was currently pondering what kind of intersection the god¡­ess? of enigma and a goddess of fertility had.


    Ogre number three spun around and slammed his tree-club down on the illusion, before Garth directed its club to grow roots into the creature¡¯s hand.


    The ogre let out a pitiful squeal, thrashing the club around in a desperate attempt to free its hands from the roots sinking into it¡¯s flesh.


    Garth took several more steps back as Sandi leapt from the fallen ogre onto the thrashing one, wanting to stay out of the splash zone.


    The ogre toppled to the ground, bloody bubbles emerging from where Sandi had stabbed all the way through to its lungs.


    It was true, with three Ms. Banyan watching the kids, Garth was able to take his mind off of things. Even more so because he wasn¡¯t even on Earth at the moment.


    Sandi had booked a trip to a planet a few dozen layers in and booked them for a dungeon run.


    Since Garth¡¯s military I.D. had been expunged, the only thing that remained was his Adventurer I.D. and apparently the suspension on his license had recently expired. Garth was good to preform random tasks of heroism for chump change.


    Sandi decided to take Garth out on a date and get them both citizenship in one fell swoop. Gold ranked adventurer? That qualified one for citizenship just as a gold ranked military I.D. did.


    Garth didn¡¯t feel the need to mention he probably could have bought them a citizenship if she really wanted one. That wasn¡¯t what she was really after. Sandi wanted to be a mighty adventurer more than she wanted citizenship. Getting him a piece of paper was just the icing on the date-cake.


    So here they were, testing in for Gold rank before they were allowed to venture into the Perianore dungeon, one of the only places on the planet that spawned Sanatite crystals. Sanatite being a curious mineral that was able to heal itself. Sandi wanted some for a necklace and maybe some baby presents, and Garth was interested in making interesting alloys. People gave them funny looks when Sandi explained they were there for their honeymoon.


    Well, sort of. Did having kids and spending all your time together count? They hadn¡¯t had a ceremony, but whatever. It was good enough.


    ¡°What¡¯s next?¡± Sandi asked, glancing back to the summoner. The orc grunted and made a pulling motion with his hand, and a twelve-foot tall drake surrounded by dozens of three foot kobolds stepped out of inky darkness.


    They oriented on Garth and Sandi, baring their teeth in anger and hissing.


    ¡°Big one or little ones?¡± Garth asked, sending roots into the ground from spores around his feet.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take the big one.¡± Sandi said, jumping up and down and waving her arms to attract the drake. Her curves slipped out of her tight clothing as she bounced, giving Garth a tantalizing view of her hips, nearly distracting Garth.


    The summoner was distracted, too, but luckily his creations had more presence of mind.


    Half the kobolds rushed forward, their lizardlike muzzles able to draw back like a snarling wolf. The rest aimed bows at Garth, and a couple more began waving bone fetishes, surrounding their compatriots with a crimson glow.


    At least until roots the size of arms burst out of the ground, ensnaring them all and plunging blood-draining thorns into their bodies. In a matter of seconds, the creatures turned grey and stopped struggling, mummifying visibly.


    Sandi¡¯s real body leapt up on the drake, who seemed to be able to see her, somewhat.


    Her bladed limbs threw up sparks as they slid off the drake¡¯s scales, searching for purchase on its body. The drake screeched, sending a blast of acid across the walled off testing room before trying to turn its head and bite at her.


    Garth wasn¡¯t a perfect witness, only barely able to see her, but what he was was impressive.


    Using four of her lower legs to clamp herself onto the drake, Sandi wrestled its head away from her like Steve Irwin, rest his soul.


    What she did next was definitely not from of the nature lover¡¯s playbook. Sandi¡¯s maw opened up wide enough to swallow a man whole and bit down on the drake¡¯s head, her jaws pressing against the creature¡¯s impenetrable scales until something gave. The creature¡¯s skull collapsed, squishing blood and brain out of its nose and mouth as it collapsed to the ground.


    ¡°Guess its scales were stronger than its bones.¡± Garth murmured, wiping a bit of brain off his bare foot. It helped get the spores out to wear less clothes.


    I imagine that would be the same excuse to force a woman to wear a bikini, Garth thought. He was simply wearing a T-shirt and comfy shorts. That filled the air around him with plenty of his seed. Hah.


    ¡°Is there another one,¡± Sandi said, panting, her breasts rising and falling in a very appealing way. She idly reached down to pull up her jeans, but they kept slipping down, showing Garth where her hips dipped into her thong. Maybe they could take some time between tests and TCOB.


    ¡°That¡¯s enough to qualify for silver rank.¡± The summoner said, watching them with a bit of disbelief. ¡°I can hardly believe a two person party managed that, but Gold rank requires an interview from the Guildmaster, along with another combat test.¡±


    ¡°Is there time to take a break between-¡°


    ¡°Mr, Daniels and Ms. Dakuum, If you¡¯ll come this way.¡± An aged corio said, the greying, Addax horned man motioned them to follow him.


    Garth sighed. Of course when Garth realized how much he liked watching Sandi kill things, They had to drag them out of the moment.


    ¡°Pretty fun date so far, though,¡± Garth said, linking arms with her and following. He could wait.

 Chapter 84: Job Interview

    The aged corio sat down at his desk with a groan, leaned over and placed his palm atop a gem studded filing cabinet.


    They were in a cozy little office with a handful of trophies from a life of adventuring. The bearskin rug was a bit bristly under Garth¡¯s feet, and he played with it while the Corio searched for the right file.


    With the Bark Skin spell and Temperature Resistance, what was the point of wearing shoes anyway? Garth had recently come to realize this after taking his shoes off for the exam.


    The only concern Garth had was that he might root in place at some point, but that was a distant fear.


    There was a flash of light from the gemstone on the side of the cabinet, then the man brusquely drew open the cabinet and retrieved the first file.


    He read through the folder for a moment, before clearing his throat.


    ¡°Garth Daniels, phytomagus.¡± He glanced up at Garth. ¡°I saw a bit of your test, very talented for a phytomagus.¡±


    He flipped to another page. ¡°Sandi¡¯kuthala Dakuum, berserker.¡± He raised a brow. ¡°Very impressive. I question why your parents would choose that particular class for their child, especially one so dangerous.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s actually less dangerous.¡± Sandi spoke with practiced ease. ¡°The Berserker class gives a bonus to resisting strong desires, like anger and hunger. Most berserkers use it to bottle up their anger so they don¡¯t hurt people when they shouldn¡¯t, but Succubi get it to resist the impulse to eat their friends. It¡¯s a very common class for us.¡±


    ¡°Interesting.¡± The corio said, adjusting his shell-rimmed glasses as he made a note on Sandi¡¯s paper before flipping to the next page.


    ¡°Your party, Tax Shelter was registered with three members, including one Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt, a Tzetin spellblade. Where is she?¡±


    Didn¡¯t know we¡¯d be getting the third degree, Garth thought.


    ¡°She went home to her hive.¡±


    The Corio grunted and made a note before flipping back to the front.


    ¡°It says here you were suspended for fighting in the adventurer¡¯s guild and causing property damage six months ago.¡± He said, glancing up at him. ¡°You don¡¯t strike me as the rowdy sort.¡±


    ¡°The long and short of it is somebody who tried to kill me a couple times showed up and I started a fight with him,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I see.¡± He closed the folder and fixed them with a flat stare. ¡°I don¡¯t appreciate tourists.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth blinked.


    ¡°You have no work history, an unsafe number of members in your party. The only history you do have with the guild is a brawl, then you dropped off the radar for half a year. Forget about getting gold rank, I¡¯m not even sure we should keep you in the books as a party.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± Sandi said with a frown. ¡°Maybe this wasn¡¯t a great idea after all.¡±


    Garth reached over and pinched her butt when the corio looked away for a moment.


    ¡°In addition, there was a request to enter the Perianore dungeon with a rather unique reason. So unique in fact, that I just had to hold onto it.¡± he reached into his desk and retrieved two letters.


    ¡°Here¡¯s a typical request: ¡°UnderEarth party wishes to enter Perianore, Five days expected stay. Deposit paid to Guild accountant, ticket #58132. All members currently in good standing, gear updated to reflect new changes in guild policy, Insurance current on all members.¡±


    ¡°Then there¡¯s this one,¡± he said, flipping to the second letter, reading it in a childlike voice.


    ¡°My name is Sandi and I¡¯d like some Sanatite so I can make some pretty seashell jewelry that I can give to my babies. My boyfriend and I haven¡¯t spent much time together recently, and I wanted to do something fun with him.¡±


    Sandi was turning red as the guild master continued in sing-song.


    ¡°I want to do something special for him, since he¡¯s given me aaaall the happiness in the world, so it would be great if we could become gold rank adventurers, since they get citizenship. He worries about it affecting his business a lot. Can we please go in the dungeon and mine some Sanatite?¡±


    He directed his gaze back to Garth and Sandi.


    ¡°Like I said,¡± He spoke with a scowl, setting the letter aside. ¡°I don¡¯t like tourists at the best of times. Especially not a dim-witted succubi and whichever man they happen to be using as a chew-toy at the moment. That letter was a joke. Almost as amusing as the idea that I might allow you fools to become gold rank adventurers and set foot in my dungeon. We have standards here, and you two clearly do not meet them.¡±


    Well, he¡¯s not wrong. It is the right decision. Garth thought, glancing over at Sandi. Her eyes were beginning to brim up with tears. But let¡¯s fuck up his world anyway.


    ¡°Agreed,¡± Wilson said from the corner, his spike standing a little straighter as he eyeballed the guy.


    My dungeon? Sounds like he¡¯s personally invested. I can work with that.


    ¡°Agreed what?¡± the Guild master said, glancing at Wilson.


    ¡°My familiar and I think this could be resolved with a donation to the guild.¡± Garth said, putting his finger on the table and using his status band to manifest a ten thousand credit gold coin underneath it.


    The guild master looked down at it and scoffed. ¡°A bribe? You think-¡°


    ¡°The difference between a bribe and a donation,¡± Garth said, lifting his finger as a stack of coins grew beneath it, channeled out of his Status Band. Once he reached a million credits at about a foot high, he started a second stack.


    ¡°Is a matter of scale. Don¡¯t you think?¡± Garth asked as he began working on his third stack of coins.


    ****


    ¡°Yay, we¡¯re gold ranked adventurers!¡± Sandi said, jumping for joy on the newly paved street outside the Guild hall before her mood did a one-eighty and she turned mournful. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry that you had to pay that mean old man five million credits.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Pfff.¡± Garth said waving his hand. ¡°Drop in the bucket.¡± Not exactly a drop in the bucket, but affordable. ¡°In the meantime, why don¡¯t we take the Guildmaster¡¯s suggestion and hire a group of adventurers to babysit us? It would make things a lot safer.¡±


    ¡°But I wanted it to be just us¡­¡± Sandi pouted.


    ¡°What if we both get hurt at the same time? Or separated? That would put a damper on this little honeymoon pretty quick. Let¡¯s at least take a group with us for the first run, just so we can get a feel for how dangerous it is without making orphans.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Sandi relented, deflating.


    Garth watched the old man stuff the five million credits into his personal account through his Floating Eye. Looks like he took the bait.


    ¡°I promise you¡¯ll have a good time,¡± Garth said, dismissing the spell with a grin.


    Time to find the right people.


    ****


    Grok Urden was cleaning his nails with his favorite knife. The blade was stubby and worn down nearly to a nub, and had long since been replaced with a better version, but Grok still liked to carry it on him. He¡¯d gotten it from his father to celebrate coming out of his first delve alive, and with a profit, a man. He used it for nail care and opening packages and letters now.


    The rest of his party, the three women and two other men packed their bags and checked their equipment, getting ready for another day of scouring the Perianore dungeon for Sanatite.


    It was a cushy gig despite the price of Sanatite being one-third its market value in this dungeon town.


    Each thumb-sized crystal they pried from the dungeon walls was worth a month¡¯s pay. On average, they brought back six or seven crystals a week. The danger level was minimal to an experienced party like their own. It was less adventuring and more saving for retirement for them.


    There was a knock at the door, before their landlord¡¯s voice came through the heavy oak slab.


    ¡°There¡¯s a gentleman down in the lobby who wishes to have a word with you. It sounds like he¡¯s offering a job?¡±


    Grok met the gaze of the rest of his party who¡¯d halted their work, sending him a curious glance. Grok hadn¡¯t put their names out there, so where had this fellow come from?


    ¡°I¡¯ll be right down.¡± He said, pocketing his knife and standing. ¡°Keep packing, I¡¯ll go tell this guy where to shove it.¡± they nodded and returned to their work.


    Grok opened the door and headed down the narrow oak stairs, walking into the beams of light in the main room.


    There, in the center of the room sat the most beautiful orc woman he¡¯d ever seen, and¡­a purple¡­man?


    He wasn¡¯t an orc, since he lacked tusks, and his nose and forehead were off. The shape of his face was all wrong to be a hornless corio. Maybe a half-elf, But purple?


    Intrigued, Grok sat across from them at the table. He glanced at the orc woman, obviously in heat, when he felt a displacement of air behind her, from something big.


    Ah, a succubus. He thought, returning his gaze to the barefoot purple man in shorts.


    ¡°What were you asking for? Grok asked as a formality, still fully intending to turn them down.


    The purple man put his arms on the table and smiled.


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for a team that can get my girl and I to the bottom of the Perianore dungeon.¡±


    Ah, a tourist.


    It happened sometimes, a rich city brat wanted a really expensive sword or armor, but they were determined to gather the ingredients themselves. A point of pride, or some such nonsense.


    ¡°Any team could take you in a couple times and get you enough to make whatever fancy toy you¡¯ve got in mind.¡± Grok said dismissively, starting to stand.


    ¡°I said the bottom of the dungeon. I want to see the Core chamber.¡±


    Grok frowned. The core chamber was kept carefully starved of air to slow the rate of growth of the dungeon, so they could continue to harvest it¡¯s resources for as long as possible.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Well, the deeper you go, the more likely you are to find Sanatite, aren¡¯t you? Have you ever wondered how much you¡¯d find at the dungeon¡¯s very center?¡±


    Grok shook his head. ¡°There¡¯s fifteen floors, and they each take an increasing amount of time and effort to navigate. We only go down to the eighth regularly. After that, logistics becomes a problem. We also don¡¯t have a healer. We simply don¡¯t have the resources to babysit two amateurs down to the bottom of the dungeon.¡±


    A knife appeared in the purple man¡¯s hand, and Grok tensed for an instant before the man slashed his own palm. The wound closed in a matter of seconds


    ¡°Oh, look, I¡¯m a healer.¡±


    Like a trick of legerdemain, the purple man reached out and plucked a carrot and an arrow out of the air.


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty good at logistics, too.¡± He said, stabbing the wooden arrow through the oak table and taking a bite of his carrot.


    ¡°May I?¡± Grok asked, pointing at the arrow.


    The purple man grunted and nodded, taking another bite of his carrot.


    Grok easily pulled the arrow out of the table with a harsh squeak and crackling of tortured wood, inspecting the all-wood arrow, with delicately carved wooden feathers emerging from its sides. Grok tested the tip on his finger and cut himself. Definitely not an illusion.


    Grok put the arrow over his knee and pulled with all his might, trying to snap it like kindling. The arrow deformed under the Orc¡¯s great strength, gradually folding over his knee as he exerted all his strength.


    When Grok let go of it, the arrow snapped back into shape as if it had never been bent, nearly removing a finger.


    ¡°Bulad would love these.¡± Grok said, turning it over in his hand.


    ¡°You made this?¡± he asked.


    The purple man nodded and held up a finger, putting his carrot in the side of his mouth like a cigar before rubbing his hands together and blowing above them, aiming toward the empty side of the common room.


    A swirl of dust motes appeared above the man¡¯s hands, then those motes became a storm of tiny trees whose bark turned to ash, leaving a swarm of thousands of hurtling arrows that buried themselves in the floor, ceiling and wall, covering every exposed inch of the wooden common room with bristling, carved feathers.


    ¡°Kolath¡¯s balls!¡± the landlord said as he emerged from behind his desk.


    Grok eyed the arrows, and the purple man paying off the landlord, who shut his mouth upon receiving generous compensation.


    Powerful magic and money. Some points make him seem like a clan member, while others¡­ he glanced over the man¡¯s simple garb and lack of pompousness.


    ¡°What was your name again?¡±


    ¡°Garth Daniels.¡±


    ¡°And you ma¡¯am, what can you do?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m Sandi! A gold ranked berserker!¡± she said, showing him her obviously fresh golden dog-tags.


    ¡°A carnophage berserker? I can¡¯t think of anything scarier.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re all berserkers.¡± Sandi huffed, crossing her arms under her generous breasts. ¡°Why don¡¯t people know that?¡±


    Grok blinked in confusion a moment before he leaned back in his chair, twirling the arrow in his hand.


    ¡°All the way to the bottom?¡±


    Macronomicon


    On time. Life be damned!


    MIght have to wean myself off the sauce for a day or two, lest I have heart palpitations.


    Meh. I''ll do it on my weekend.


    Obligatory Patreon Plug here! 44 chapters ahead for the patience impaired.


    And votes are always helpful! I use them to lure unsuspecting readers in for an ambush of enjoyable reading...or something like that.

 Chapter 85: Stay Classy

    A miniature explosion echoed through the stillness of the morning as Garth¡¯s hwacha experiment detonated with a sound like an M-80.


    ¡°Maybe we should get a book on rocket science?¡± Wilson asked as Sandi whooped.


    ¡°A book on fireworks might be more appropriate.¡± Garth said, squinting against the dawn light reflecting off the stand of trees outside the dungeon entrance.


    ¡°Again, do it again!¡± Sandi said, jostling his shoulder.


    At least Sandi¡¯s having fun, Garth thought, creating a wood arrow packed with accelerant.


    The concept had dawned on Garth when he¡¯d spontaneously had the idea for the swarm of arrows. Garth¡¯s mind had been considering how to deal with other mages when magical effects were erased when they got close to them.


    The obvious answer was flinging non-magical objects at them magically, but until recently, Garth hadn¡¯t been able to summon a swarm of arrows at the drop of a hat. That had honestly scared him a little, preforming a lot better than he¡¯d expected. A dollop of Recursive casting layered over a carefully constructed Plant Growth and a dash of Design Plant had changed thousands of the billions of spores drifting around him into arrows near-instantly.


    But there was a lot of room for improvement. It had been late that night when he¡¯d stumbled on the simple idea of a two-stage rocket.


    The concept: Fill the arrow with accelerant and light it, then delay the onset of ignition magically and fire it with magical propulsion, using a magical homing construct to steer.


    When the arrow hits a Lantern¡¯s area its homing, acceleration, and most importantly the spell dampening the burning of the accelerant, are all stripped away.


    The rocket enters its second stage as the accelerant is allowed to burn at full force in the absence of magic.


    Rather than being slowed down by a Lantern, the arrow speeds up. A simple trick that might save Garth some time and effort dealing with clan wizards. Add a bit of poison and maybe an explosive tip and you¡¯ve got a recipe for a bad time. Of course if they were anything like Garth intended to be in a couple years, poking a hole in them might not be enough.


    ¡°Alright, just one more, okay?¡± Garth said, adjusting the size and shape of the nozzle in his head. He should be getting ready for Grok and his team to show up, but he had a hard time resisting attractive, enthusiastic women in low-cut jeans.


    Garth held his hand out and used Design Plant and Plant growth on a spore above his hand. In moments, the arrow shed its bark in his hand in a cloud of ash and settled into a pen grip.


    Garth checked the nozzle, mentally applied the fire suppression, then lit it.


    With a telekinetic shove, the arrow sailed up into the air. When Garth judged it to be safe, he released the fire suppression.


    The arrow leapt forward on a cloud of smoke, several times faster than Garth¡¯s initial toss, before detonating a second or two later with another bang.


    ¡°Whoo!¡± Sandi shouted.


    ¡°Progress.¡±


    But why did it detonate mid-flight?


    ¡°Either the accelerant gummed up the engine with impurities or the wood carbonized under the heat, I¡¯m thinking.¡± Wilson.


    ¡°Yeah, I should look into further temperature-proofing plant material, and smokeless gunpowder.


    The accelerant was created through several experiments to refine tree sap into a lighter, more combustible material, aiming for rocket-fuel. Maybe if they changed to a more granulated form like gunpowder they¡¯d get what they needed. They were basically fireworks, after all.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you just make a magic gun and be done with it, then.¡±


    ¡°Because people who make guns in a magic world have no class.¡± Garth said as Sandi rocked him from side to side and demanded he shoot off another.


    ¡°And rockets are okay then?¡±


    Garth ignored him. ¡°Last one, okay?¡± Garth said to Sandi¡¯s beaming, innocent face, knowing that it probably wouldn¡¯t be.


    Garth designed the tree to be denser than iron and several times stronger, store a tiny amount of highly combustible organic compounds in the center, only grow about three feet long and a half inch wide. With Plant Growth and Control plant, he controlled every aspect of its development, resulting in an arrow encased in a thin shell of bark that turned into ash as he selectively drained growth magic out of it, revealing another perfect arrow.


    Garth checked the nozzle, dampened fire and lighted it before tossing the arrow into the sky.


    When he pulled the spell away, the rocket arrow surged into the air for an instant before detonating in another explosive failure.


    Burning shrapnel hit the ground and caught the grass by Garth¡¯s foot on fire, and he decided that was enough of that.


    ¡°One more?¡± Sandi asked with a pout.


    ¡°Welll¡­¡±


    ¡°What the hell are you doing?¡± came a rough orc voice from the paved walkway leading into the park. The dungeon itself was in the center of a park, with a high stone wall around it, a beautiful place in peacetime, and a nice open area to shoot rampaging monsters from high walls in case the dungeon ever spilled over into the city proper.


    Unlike what Garth thought, there wasn¡¯t a lot of people trying to hawk goods to adventuring parties coming and going outside the dungeon entrance. Anybody who didn¡¯t buy exactly what they needed before going into a dungeon wasn¡¯t going to live that long anyway.


    Besides, Garth thought it might be illegal to build inside the park. There were plenty of chintzy Sanatite4cash vendors just outside the walls, after all. The shops selling goods were all arranged like outfitting warehouses, rather than street vendors. Very professional.


    ¡°Perfecting a new spell?¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Well the man at the gate stopped me and asked some very pointed questions. You do know that as the leader of this party, I¡¯m responsible for any damages to the property?¡±


    Garth discretely put his foot over the bit of smoking grass, smothering the flame and wincing at the heat.


    ¡°I swear to fully compensate you for any monetary damages my actions may cause.¡± He said.


    Grok eyed him a moment before nodding. ¡°Alright. I¡¯ll hold you to that.¡± He glanced back at the five other members of the party and motioned for them to come.


    There were two Corio women with light armor, crossbows and sabers. Sisters, maybe? A benkei woman with what appeared to be wands strapped to her tight leather clothes¡­


    Sandi pinched him.


    Another male Orc frontliner, and a burly shinta man with an astonishingly thick recurve bow over his shoulder. That must be Bulad.


    A real diverse crowd, Garth thought, glancing at the Orc man in charge as he made introductions.


    Garth and Sandi smiled and introduced themselves. Grok and Kath were the two orc frontliners, the corio sisters Melaa and Hesie were middle range fighters. Bulad provided a constant stream of high power projectiles wherever they were needed, and Junten was their Benkei spellslinger.


    She focused more on using powerful spells with unique attributes to trump strong monsters with well-defined weaknesses. She had very few utility spells, so they were glad to have Garth along, and Sandi was more than welcome. Never can have too many frontliners.


    Although nearly everyone lost a bit of time staring at Sandi with a hint of lust. Even, to a lesser extent, the woman in the party.


    ¡°Alright, alright,¡± Garth said, grabbing Sandi¡¯s Lure by the shoulders and holding her in front of him. ¡°You might as well get it out of your system now, before you get caught staring at her ass while something¡¯s sneaking up on you.¡±


    They glanced at Grok, who shrugged and nodded. A moment later, Sandi was surrounded by all five of the adventurers, crowding Garth out.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you wear armor?¡±


    ¡°How long have you been gold ranked?¡±


    ¡°Are you dating anyone?¡±


    ¡°Are you into girls?¡±


    Garth resisted the temptation to continue listening to the barrage of questions and headed over to Grok. To her credit, Sandi was calm as could be, fielding questions like a pro. To be fair, she¡¯d been the most attractive person in the room her entire life. Well, her Lure was.


    ¡°So, can you brief me on what the dungeon is like and how to behave? I admit I don¡¯t have much experience.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°How many dives you been on¡­¡±


    ¡°Including the one in L.A.?¡± Garth asked, thinking back to the tiny one floor dungeon he¡¯d waltzed into.


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°One.¡±


    Grok blinked, his tusked jaw loosening in amazement.


    He whispered, ¡°Then how did you become Gold ranked?¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°Passed the combat tests with flying colors and a healthy bribe.¡±


    Grok glanced around before pulling Garth in close. ¡°Alright, look. We¡¯ll say you¡¯ve been on eight or so dives, alright? They¡¯ll treat you like a newbie, but they won¡¯t assume you¡¯re gonna get them killed.¡±


    He poked Garth in the chest. ¡°In return, you are gonna keep your head down, stay in the center of the pack, learn fast, and not do anything without being told, okay? Same goes for your girl.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough. I¡¯m here to learn.¡± Garth said. He was interested in how people managed dungeons and he¡¯d already learned a bunch, but he¡¯d never been in one before. Before he went and regulated his own dungeons, he felt like this was a god sent opportunity. Sure, it hadn¡¯t been Sandi¡¯s intention, but it was working out nicely.


    ¡°Kolath, I hope this doesn¡¯t see us rotting in the lower levels,¡± he whispered, running his fingers through a mane of black hair. ¡°If I feel the slightest bit nervous about your performance, I reserve the right to bring us back up.¡±


    ¡°Agreed.¡± Garth lied.


    They assembled in front of the dungeon entrance, a large gate made of what seemed to be quartz crystals grown straight out of the ground. It was beautiful and ominous, the opening a solid blackness.


    The grown-up dungeon had a lot more pizzaz than Garth¡¯s baby ones.


    Grox lead the way, walking fearlessly into the darkness, followed by his second frontliner, then Garth and Sandi. Garth took a deep breath and walked through the blackness. He found himself standing in a narrow tunnel.


    The interior of the dungeon wasn¡¯t much to look at, dark blueish brown rock with the occasional lumps sticking out here and there. The ceiling was a bit low, and Sandi seemed uncomfortable as she navigated the passages, crouching as she walked.


    ¡°The creatures that inhabit a dungeon respond to the energy that the core gives off.¡± Grok said for their benefit as they walked, keeping his eyes forward.


    ¡°So a mutated dungeon like this one has a different class of creature than a normal dungeon. You¡¯ll get creatures more focused on regeneration and endurance in a sanatite cave, like trolls, insect swarms, killer plants, and gods forbid you run into a hydra on the lower levels.¡±


    ¡°Almost everything in here can recover in a matter of minutes or seconds, so your best bet is to cause a massive amount of irreversible damage.¡± He thumbed an enchantment on the hilt of his blade and it began to glow a cherry red.


    I guess that means fire, or more specifically cauterization, is how they handle regeneration.


    One of the corio women put her crossbow back on its sling and passed Garth to whisper something in Grok¡¯s ear.


    ¡°Not a bad idea,¡± he said, glancing back at Garth and Sandi.


    ¡°You two want to take the front and show us how you fight while it¡¯s still a cakewalk?¡±


    Garth shared a glance with Sandi and shrugged. ¡°Sure.¡±


    Sandi and Garth shifted in place to the lead.


    A few minutes later a swarm of rats spilled out of a side tunnel, skittering toward them with crazed eyes.


    Garth reduced the size on his combat dodder and caught the swarm in its tangling vines before they closed the distance. The group moved past the rats, Bulad and the corio sisters gawking at the tangled up mess of blood-drained rats. The benkei magician sniffed and walked past with an I¡¯ve done better attitude. Nothing like some healthy competition.


    As they walked, the passageways opened up, becoming wider and taller, allowing for three of them to walk abreast and Sandi to stand up straight, if barely.


    A few minutes later they saw a group of three blue-green men with loincloths. They had bulbous foreheads and wielded clubs the size of a man¡¯s leg. They spotted Garth and charged with a hungry gleam in their eyes. They were no bigger than a human male, and Sandi made short work of them. At least the first time.


    Sandi pounced on the three of them, skewering them with her legs, but a moment later, they started getting up again, pulling their way up her legs despite being impaled. Sandi panicked, tearing the regenerating monsters to tiny pieces in a wild thrashing reminiscent of an ¡®ew ewe ew, get it off!¡¯ episode. Garth didn¡¯t mention it, and no one else seemed to notice, they were too impressed by Sandi in Blender Mode.


    ¡°We call them troll-blooded. Not as strong or smart as an average troll, but a damn sight more dangerous than your typical gobs too.¡±


    ¡°Ah, neat,¡± Garth said, lighting the quivering chunks of flesh on fire and trying to peel Sandi¡¯s lure off him.


    ¡°So what do you need Sanatite for, anyway?¡± Bulad asked as they crept on through the tunnels. The upper levels giving them leeway to talk quietly without too much danger.


    ¡°Sandi wants some heirloom jewelry, I suppose. I¡¯m more interested in how a mutant dungeon is policed and what it¡¯s like on the inside. My city has a few baby dungeons so I want to be able to offer some experienced insight on how they should be managed.¡±


    ¡°Oh? Bulad asked. ¡°You guys are from the Outer Sphere?¡±


    ¡°I am, Sandi¡¯s not native.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s cool, what¡¯s it like?¡±


    ¡°Mostly it¡¯s been plains and desert that I¡¯ve seen, but Garth cleared out a nice, nearly tropical city with great weather, sunny every day and a great beach. Once the mountains are raised and they route the rivers through, the people moving in shouldn¡¯t have any trouble with water either.¡± Sandi said cheerily.


    ¡°Your city?¡± Bulad clarified.


    ¡°There¡¯s a lot of room for upward mobility when half of everyone turns into monsters and eats half of whoever¡¯s left.¡± Garth said with a shrug.


    ¡°I guess so,¡± Bulad said, shaking his head while Garth now found himself at the center of attention rather than Sandi. It felt weird.


    The first floor took a solid five hours to navigate to the hand-carved stairs leading down, and they stopped for the night at the end of the second floor.


    Once they passed the third floor, Grok had them switch out with the Corio sisters, who were skilled rangers and capable of finding any new traps the dungeon might have created in their absence.


    It was mostly a formality, since the traps didn¡¯t change that often, but it wasn¡¯t worth risking someone¡¯s life on either.


    Past the fifth floor, they put Garth and Sandi on support, and Garth got to see trolls up close. The nine-foot tall giants seemed capable of tearing grown men in half and wielded stone weapons that would turn them into paste.


    Grok¡¯s favorite move against these huge creatures was to charge inside their reach, sever a leg with his glowing blade, and then decapitate the fallen creature. Garth saw the orc employ the tactic so often he was able to call up memories of the event and superimpose them on each other, noting very little variation in the orc¡¯s form.


    Swoop, roar, chop. Two hits, one dead troll. It was very respectable.


    The most annoying thing was going out of their way to avoid traps. Garth helped with a few wooden bridges over pressure plates, or gumming up the trap mechanisms, or filling the tiger pits with wood.


    Grok was grateful for the assist, saying it never hurt to have a safe way to retreat.


    After a business week, they had become a well-oiled machine, reaching the end of the eighth floor and the typical limit of how far Grok¡¯s party delved on a typical basis.


    Four days later they made camp in front of the Boss Room on the tenth floor. There were a few minor scrapes, cuts and burns, but garth had them back in fighting shape in no time. The team seemed eager to break the tenth floor and plunder the riches that only the Mythril ranked teams ever saw.


    ****


    ¡°This¡¯ll decide whether or not we¡¯ll be aiming for the fifteenth floor,¡± Grok said, tightening his hands around the grip of his greatsword. ¡°Should be the hardest fight of the whole trip. If we come out of this in good shape, we¡¯ll keep going, otherwise we¡¯re headed back up. We¡¯ve already gotten a decent haul.¡± He eyed the small satchel filled with Sanatite crystals.


    ¡°Afterwards, I can make fava bean chili to celebrate.¡±


    ¡°Please Garth, no more beans.¡± Junten said, rolling her eyes. it had taken most of the first five days for the mage to open up to them, but it had happened eventually. There¡¯s something about pooping in the same room to avoid being ambushed that brings people closer together.


    ¡°Sweet corn on the cob?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Hesie said.


    ¡°Fried rice with broccoli and strips of whatever meat you guys have left?¡±


    ¡°Do you have anything else?¡± Bulad asked, his bow half-drawn, half aimed at Garth.


    ¡°Real people food would be good.¡± Grok said.


    ¡°I tell you what,¡± Garth said, rearranging plant-based foods in his mind. ¡°I¡¯ve got all the ingredients to make you guys a nice veggie burger with sliced peppers and guacamole.¡±


    ¡°Whatever,¡± Melaa said rolling her eyes.


    Kath was stoic as usual. Sandi didn¡¯t really bother entering the conversation, since she¡¯d eaten monsters on the way down.


    ¡°You¡¯ll like guacamole, trust me.¡±


    ¡°Alright, get ready.¡± Grok said.


    They shut up, turning their attention to the door. A moment later Grok opened the door, leading the way in. Junten slid one of her wands out of its holster and fired a flare up onto the ceiling.


    Junten¡¯s wands, Garth had learned, were keyed to specific types of mana, making casting specific spells more fuel-efficient by doing a bit of the mental work of drawing in and separating specific types of mana. She sheathed the light-wand and pulled out a fire-wand, the one she spent the most time with.


    Strangely she never used a Lantern. Garth was starting to suspect the technique was more unusual than he assumed. The only people he¡¯d seen using it were clan-based magicians.


    The light climbed up to the ceiling revealing the hundreds of feet of scaly necks, attached to blue-green dragon heads that were waking up from the sudden intrusion. The heads peered at them, groggy at first, then angrily, hissing as they recognized them as intruders.


    ¡°That¡¯s a big hydra.¡± Garth heard Grok whisper before the door slammed shut behind them.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 86: Twelve heads are better than six

    The hydra bared its twelve sets of fangs and lumbered to its feet. All told, the creature was maybe twenty feet tall, head ten feet away from the flare burning against the ceiling of the domed room. It had a massive, barrel chested body that would make an elephant look dainty by comparison. How else do you support that much weight in the neck?


    The blue-green scales shone in the light, watery smooth and bright. They were tightly compacted against the creature¡¯s skin, leaving no room to shove a sword under. The ridged snout gave away to intelligent eyes seething with rage, like something out of a nightmare.


    Battles are often decided in the first few seconds of the engagement. What you do in those first few seconds ripple through the rest of the conflict.


    Garth bought time.


    Haste


    Garth¡¯s skill with the spell gave him a 10 second realtime, 15 perceived advantage.


    ¡°Puut uup aa smookescreeen!¡± Grok shouted, slowly waving his hand as the Hydra began to advance. As Junten was sliding her wand out of its sheath, he turned to Garth.


    ¡°Slooow iit doown!¡± He said. Garth nodded and sent a gust of wind riddled with spores toward the creature bearing down on them. The spores exploded into tangling vines just as Junnten¡¯s modified fireball detonated in the middle of the room, putting out a tremendous gout of smoke that filled the top twenty-five feet of the room with thick white vapor.


    Garth took a second to admire the view as the flare above them struggled to send light through the smoke, making the Hydra¡¯s shadow loom above them like a wiggling shadow-puppet as it tried to tear itself out of the tangling vines.


    Then the fight started.


    A massive snout plunged down through the smoke, orienting on Grok before lashing forward. The head was as big as the orc, but when it opened its mouth, it was about four feet taller than him, nothing but a maw of sharp teeth and a black opening to its gullet.


    Grok rolled out of the way, but everyone was standing in a line behind him. Garth was able to jog out of the way with time to spare, and Sandi was quick, getting out of the way fast and using her Lure to reel Junten with her. The corio sisters were on the ball, moving out of the way, but Bulad was aiming at the maw with his bow drawn. The shinta¡¯s teeth were gritted, waiting for the instant where he would get a shot at the creature¡¯s eye.


    As things stood, Bulad was going to get scooped up and swallowed without getting a chance to take the shot. Grok swung his greatsword down on the creature¡¯s neck, veins standing out on his arms as he brought the glowing hot lump of steel into contact.


    Despite Bulad¡¯s strength of thirty-five measured in units of adult male orc, his cherry red greatsword bounced off the hydras¡¯ thick scales with a spray of sparks.


    With a surge of adrenaline, Garth put a slanted Force shield in front of the creature¡¯s snout, Clenching his jaw as the sheer weight threatened to break through the spell. The modest amount of resistance guided the creature¡¯s face just a little bit to the left.


    It was a beyond common tactic to aim for the eyes.


    Garth canceled the shield as Bulad released his arrow. The arrow shot forward and caught the hydra in the right eye.


    The head reared back up into the smoke with a screech, teeth pulling back just shy of gutting the blue archer.


    Garth glanced up into the smoke writhing with hydra shadows. Did they summon the smoke to make it harder for the Hydra to see them, or to make the sight of so many heads less demoralizing?


    Maybe both.


    Twenty three eyes left. If they took them all out, that would make the fight a hell of a lot easier. Yeah right.


    ¡°Any brilliant Ideas?¡± Garth asked Wilson as he sent another wave of tangling vines up into the smoke and summoned Woody to lineback for Junten and Bulad. Grok commanded the corio sisters to take the high ground, and the two of them jumped onto the wall, transforming into human-sized spiders as they began to climb to the ceiling. Garth didn¡¯t know they could do that.


    ¡°Haah, yoouu soound liiike aa chiipmuunk!¡±


    Trust a familiar to be an idiot in the thick of things.


    Now that the Corio sisters were up in the smoke, his options for poison were somewhat limited. Maybe he could make some poisoned arrows for Bulad¡­That was too many variables. The sheer mass of the creature meant any poison would have to be in insane concentrations to kill it, and Its regeneration and high Endurance might mean it wouldn¡¯t even notice. And all that hinged on Bulad hitting it in the mouth or eyes.


    Hmm¡­


    There was always the old favorite of getting the monster to swallow an explosive.


    A time honored Hollywood tradition.


    Garth pulled out an acorn and began frantically using Design Plant.


    Garth made it a nasty sonofabitch, with a paralytic, a sedative, nasty barbed grains, and a core of accelerant.


    Garth packed it with a delayed plant growth and kept his mental thumb on the spoon.


    The entire process took him ten seconds, perceived.


    In that time, Grok and Kath had pulled out bottles of oil from their belts and removed the corks with their teeth with practiced efficiency, coating their blades in a handful of seconds. The oil spread by itself, solidifying into a salid crystalline coating around their swords that looked a bit like obsidian.


    ¡°Neext Oones Cooming, Saandii, prooteect the caasters!¡± Grok shouted as the cherry red took on a smoky look beneath the crystal around his sword. He pointed at Kath. ¡°Uunder, too thee heaart!¡±


    Kath nodded and the two of them dashed forward as one of the smoke-shadows resolved into another head. The two fighters slid under the head, aiming for the main body Leaving Garth and co. to fend for themselves.


    Up above, Garth could hear the whizz of crossbow bolts and the annoyed screeching of the Hydra as the sisters distracted it, aiming for noses, gums and eyes. he couldn¡¯t see them through the smoke, but the sound was reassuring.


    The hydra¡¯s head snapped forward, and Woody did his duty, throwing himself bodily against the approaching teeth, the twelve foot Treant grabbing the dripping fangs and wrenching them brutally to the side. The head followed the teeth, pulled aside at an awkward angle. One of the teeth popped out of its socket, causing a pained screech that reminded Garth of tortured steel.


    As Woody held the head, Garth fed it the acorn, Shoving the seed as far down its gullet as he could manage. Once he let go, the Plant growth was on a ten second timer, realtime, to give it some time to make its way into the creature¡¯s gut rather than detonate inside a neck.


    ¡°Too thee siides!¡± Garth heard Sandi shout. Four heads as big as people emerged from the smoke, using the first head¡¯s point of view to orient themselves and strike straight down at them.


    Sandi jumped over one head, dragging Junten out of the way of a second. The mage paid no attention to Sandi¡¯s arms around her waist, dragging her through thin air. The crimson Benkei had a snarl on her face as she channeled a beam of white-hot fire into the snapping jaws that missed her by a few inches.


    On Garth¡¯s right, two more heads came down, angled at him and Bulad.


    Woody let go of the head he had, allowing it to draw away, swallowing the blood oozing from its empty socket. The Nature Spirit charged the other two heads, leaping feet first like a Mexican luchador, snagging one head with his hands while drop-kicking the other.


    Unfortunately, Woody¡¯s kick pushed the fourth head on a collision course with Bulad who had dodged into the new trajectory.


    The Hydra¡¯s head smashed into the wall, sending Bulad tumbling away from the impact.


    In a heartbeat, the ranger sat up and raised his bow, but it had been snapped in half. then he pulled a shortsword and tried to stand. He collapsed, his leg severed above the knee in the impact between fang and stone wall.


    The kicked hydra head snarled and returned to Woody, catching the treant¡¯s offending legs, not bothering with the blue archer.


    Now pinned, the two heads began to worry at Woody¡¯s body like a dog with a bone, lifting him up into the smoke.


    Out of the corner of his eye, Garth saw Sandi plunge her claws down into the eyes of the head she straddled, while the burned head lay on the floor, a hole vaporized through the back of its skull. Looked like the ladies were doing a lot better than the men.


    Garth sprinted to Bulad, and Used Heal with one hand, focusing on the ranger¡¯s internal injuries, if he had any, while he pulled out his Better than Bandages ? and applied a handful of pain-killer and coagulant to the stump.


    ¡°Gaah, hoow aare wee dooing?¡± Bulad grunted, trying to sit up.


    Let¡¯s see. One head down, three eyes destroyed, a couple with minor wounds.


    Garth glanced over at Grok and Kath. The two orcs were using their enhanced blades to carve through the side of the Hydra to reach its heart. The red hot blades were barely slowing down the regeneration, as the wounds closed up almost as fast as they made them.


    The hole in the head in front of them was slowly closing.


    Woody¡¯s upper torso hit the ground beside them, shaking the stone floor with its mass.


    Not great.


    ¡°Pretty good,¡± Garth said with a grin.


    ¡°Stay there for a minute.¡± Garth said, pushing Bulad against the edge of the room and raising a thick wall of stone around him. The stone was the same color as the rest of the room, and The Hydra shouldn¡¯t spot it in the heat of battle with so many other distractions.


    ¡°Iii caan stiill Shoot, maake mee anoother boow!¡±


    Shouldn¡¯t have to, Garth thought, counting down the seconds as he watched Kath and Grok¡¯s crystalline coating begin to chip against the monster¡¯s tough hide.


    ¡°Back away!¡± Garth shouted, conveying his intent to the orcs with Clarion Call.


    Five seconds.


    Grok and Kath glanced at him and retreated from their hacking, deciding to trust him.


    Garth sprinted toward Sandi and Junten, making a short stone wall for Grok and Kath.


    Four seconds.


    Two more heads emerged from the smoke, aiming for Sandi, who was sawing through the thrashing head¡¯s eye-holes with her legs. Junten got another blast off and seared away half of one of their faces.


    Three seconds.


    Garth created a massive ironwood tree at his feet and had it whip down on the other approaching head, bludgeoning it away from Sandi and co.


    Two seconds.


    Garth flung his left hand out unconsciously as he grew the ironwood tree into a sheet interposed between them and the blast.


    One.


    The room shook as a tree exploded from the large cut on the Hydra¡¯s side, following the path of least resistance. Its canopy filled the ceiling of the room, casting more shadows through the smoke.


    The hydra howled in pain, its heads turning toward the intruder in its body, gnawing on the rocket-fuel filled, poisonous tree. The Hydra didn¡¯t seem to be having any trouble despite being completely impaled and most likely poisoned.


    Garth spotted it¡¯s ruptured flesh close around the tree, sealing it in, and ever so slightly, pushing it out.


    In a couple minutes, it would shed the tree like a tooth.


    Well, we¡¯re not gonna let that happen.


    ¡°Throw the sword!¡± Garth shouted, pointing at the tree emerging from the monster¡¯s thick hide.


    Grok nodded and stood up from behind the low wall and threw his glowing greatsword like a fastball. The spinning blade impacted on the tree, burying itself halfway through the wood.


    For the barest fraction of a second, nothing happened, then a blue gout of flame exploded from the wound in the tree, shooting the blade spinning above Grok¡¯s head and embedding it in the stone wall.


    The heat from the flame was so great that Garth could feel it from fifty feet away. The fire incinerated the wood, burning off the top half of the tree and leaving nothing but a jet of flame.


    The torque from the accelerant flipped the confused Hydra onto it¡¯s side, then flipped it over, then again, and again, picking up in speed.


    It reminded Garth of a cruel child strapping a firework to a hapless mouse.


    The Hydra began to spin, thrashing around the boss room at unbelievable speeds, turning into a meatgrinder as the energy from the Rocket-Tree dispersed. The blue flame began shooting out of other parts of the hydra¡¯s body as they were wounded by the death-roll, then the hydra exploded, sending chunks of smoking Hydra flesh and poisonous wood everywhere.


    When the hydra finally came to a stop, it was a twitching wreck with most of its ribs blown out the side of its body.


    ¡°Did anybody get hit by a splinter?¡± Garth asked, turning all the plant matter in the room to ash as a precaution.


    Grok didn¡¯t reply, grabbing Kath¡¯s sword and wading into the Hydra¡¯s chest cavity, not stopping until he¡¯d removed the heart.


    ¡°I¡¯m good.¡± Junten said.


    ¡°Fine.¡± Sandi said.


    ¡°We¡¯re okay,¡±


    ¡°Got some hydra in my hair,¡± the sisters said.


    ¡°Fine,¡± Kath said, diligently checking himself for wounds.


    ¡°Wounded?¡± Grok panted, glancing back at them.


    ¡°Bulad lost a leg,¡± Garth said, glancing at the ground. ¡°Help me look for it.¡±


    ****


    ¡°It¡¯s a little stiff.¡± Bulad said, stretching and unstretching his leg. ¡°You sure it¡¯s not gonna fall off again?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Garth said. ¡°But being able to move it at all is a pretty good sign.¡±


    ¡°huh.¡± The ranger grunted and continued stretching his reattached leg, leaning on his new bow, courtesy of Garth.


    ¡°So what¡¯s the plan, boss?¡± he asked, addressing Grok. The team of veteran adventurers watched their leader expectantly.


    Grok glanced at the Hydra corpse, his own scrapped sword, Bulad¡¯s leg, and finally at Garth.


    ¡°If you can make me a sword, we¡¯ll keep going.¡±


    Garth rubbed his hands together. ¡°On it.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Enjoy! Have some good old fashioned dungeon boss fighting.


    Many sloppy thanks to the people on Patreon, Their support and enthusiasm had kept the story going and evolving, 46 chapters ahead for those wonderfull nuggets of awesome! Did I think I was gonna get this far? Not really, but it''s amazing how far you can get when you decide that quitting isn''t an option.


    If you''re anywhere near as poor as I am, but still want to help the story, Voting here sends people and enthusiasm this way!

 Chapter 87: Rubbing his nose in It

    Macronomicon


    Sorry for missing yesterday''s chapter, so you''re getting it today! Long story short: Taxes, Adulting.


    Sadly no adultery, that would imply more than one person finds me attractive.


    Self-deprecation aside, Enjoy the chapter! Patreon is 47 chapters ahead! I love you guys! in a purely platonic bro-love sort of way.


    If you wanna help out, Voting over here sends people this way. I can tell, theres a function on royalroad that shows where people come from.


    ¡°Enjoy it while you can,¡± Garth said, motioning to his ultimate masterpiece, a guacamole hydra burger using the last of the monster¡¯s flesh they¡¯d been backpacking down with them, one of the only meats that didn¡¯t taste like complete ass down here.


    ¡°I¡¯ve specifically designed the rest of the meal plan for the dive to be as bland as possible, so you¡¯ll have a reason to get out faster.¡± Garth said with a grin, taking a bite.


    The rest of the party groaned and bitched as they ate. ¡°I mean, It¡¯s not like we¡¯re down here for a vacation or anything.¡± Melaa said as she devoured the burger beside her sister, leaning up against one of three bags stuffed to the brim with Sanatite crystals, the self-healing wondermetal that this particular city prided itself on producing.


    ¡°We¡¯re not interested in being down here any longer than we have to.¡± Hesie tacked on, wiping a bit of guac off her lips.


    ¡°One more thing to look forward to when you get topside.¡± Garth said. ¡°Until then it¡¯s rice and bean burritos, no exceptions. We can¡¯t have you getting comfortable down here before we get topside.¡±


    The rest of the adventuring party groaned louder, and Junten threw a guacamole covered bun at his face. Garth caught it in midair with a bit of telekinesis and put it back on her sandwich.


    ¡°Not even for me?¡± Sandi asked with a pout.


    ¡°Well, as the person knocking boots with me on a regular basis, of course you¡¯re the exception to the no exceptions rule.¡± Garth said, winning another round of jeering.


    ¡°Well, if they¡¯re not going to get anything yummy to eat¡­I won¡¯t be.¡±


    ¡°You would hold the sex hostage¡­For them?¡± Garth asked in faux outrage.


    Sandi lifted her head, determination chiseled onto her face.


    ¡°Okay, okay, I give, you guys can have tomatoes and soy sauce and beef flavoring on your fried rice and shit. You know I was kidding about that, right?¡±


    ¡°For a Succubus, food is deadly serious.¡± Sandi said with an aloof posture.


    The rest of the group cheered and patted Sandi on the back, chuckling as Garth¡¯s campfire slowly burnt down.


    ***


    ¡°Ah, damn, I¡¯m beat,¡± Grok said, his eyelids slowly sliding shut. ¡°First watch?¡±


    ¡°Spooey.¡± Bulad said, tucking his arms into his coat, snuggling up to his new bow with his eyes closed.


    ¡°I can¡­¡±Kath yawned into his fist. ¡°I can do it¡­¡± the orc¡¯s eyes were in REM despite being open.


    ¡°I¡¯ll do it. Woody and I will give you guys the first four hours, aright? Then somebody else gets the bitching hours.¡± Garth said.


    Grok grunted, nodded, and began to snore, the torpor drugs in the food finally starting to drag the men with the highest endurance into dreamland.


    Garth stood and cracked his back with a groan, overlooking the placidly sleeping crew. Sandi was curled up in the corner while her Lure was being spooned by the benkei mage. Helie and Melaa were buried under some covers, and Grok and Kath had nodded off sitting against the walls, with their weapons in hand.


    Surrounding them was the small antechamber just before the Core room, covered in depressions in the dark stone where they had spent the evening prying away fist to arm sized crystals from the wall. In three weeks they¡¯d made enough money for most people to retire, even split six ways.


    Sanatite was a soft reddish metal with a shiny luster, a bit like gold. It wasn¡¯t an ideal metal to make tools out of, but it had the habit of healing any marks that were made in it in a matter of seconds.


    With the right treatment, the healing ability could be suppressed long enough to add the metal to alloys, or permeate other objects with it, giving inanimate objects the ability to repair wear and tear.


    It was often used to create heirlooms to be passed down from generation to generation, of course, whenever a sanatite laced blade was struck against an Adamantium one, it would be sheared in half.


    It was a poor man¡¯s luxury good, but despite all that, it was the lifeblood that sustained the entire town built around this dungeon, and as the dungeon grew larger, so would the town.


    And Garth was planning on destroying it.


    Nobody calls the mother of my children dim-witted and gets to keep their job, their dungeon, their respect. Their fucking city.


    Garth grabbed a blanket out of a backpack and draped it over Sandi, heart beating madly. He glanced at the door to the core room.


    The survey teams that went in once a year had essentially barricaded the last opening to the dungeon, putting a thick concrete wall between Garth and the final room. There were tiny holes in the original wall to allow the dungeon core to breathe, but just barely. Around the concrete plaster, there were gaps almost a finger length wide, where the dungeon had expanded its walls in an attempt to ease its own breathing. In another nine months, the team would come back, remove the wall, catalogue the dungeon¡¯s growth, and replace the concrete closer to the dungeon¡¯s core.


    Garth Summoned Woody.


    ¡°Stand guard there,¡± Garth said, pointing to the dim hall the group had come from. ¡°If anything tries to attack them in their sleep, stop it.¡±


    Woody wordlessly went to stand in the hall, hunkering down like a hockey goalie. No one woke up.


    Garth returned his attention to the concrete wall, and snuck his way up to it, putting his eye up to the crack the dungeon had managed to carve for its breathing.


    It was dim until Garth summoned a light on the other side of the door. In front of him was an elongated, cucumber shaped chamber with a core on a pedestal at the end of it, as if the core was trying to stretch away from the door, burrowing deeper into the ground.


    It fit what Garth knew.


    Garth closed his eyes and focused, wrapping himself in mana. In a blink of an eye, Garth was standing inside the chamber.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Wilson whispered from outside. ¡°What about me?¡±


    ¡°Fine, just be quiet.¡± Garth whispered back, teleporting his familiar into the room with him.


    At the end of the short studded with red, lustrous metallic crystals, was the mutated dungeon core. It was about the size and coloration of a softball that had broken someone¡¯s nose and been steeped in blood. Garth knew from experience.


    Most Cores, normal cores, were gold when they were born, fading to pale white as they aged, but mutated ones like this had unique colors, apparently.


    ¡°I hear you make really high quality potions when you¡¯re ground up,¡± Garth said, manifesting a wooden maul in his hand.


    ¡°Yeah, fuck that guy for making Sandi cry.¡± Wilson said.


    Garth stood over the red core, maul raised, one solid muscle twitch away from killing the entire dungeon. He suddenly thought of Grok and co. and the thousands of adventurers who would come here to make their fortune over the millennia this dungeon would be in operation.


    ¡°I¡¯m having an attack of conscience¡­¡± Garth said, lowering the hammer.


    ¡°Yeah, me too.¡± Wilson said, deflating. ¡°Maybe we could leave a note to the people who survey the dungeon implicating the Guildmaster in a conspiracy? He is up five million bucks of unreported income.¡±


    ¡°That might work, but it just feels too¡­impersonal.¡± Garth said, turning the hammer to ash and taking a seat in front of the Core, legs crossed. ¡°And destroying the core just hurts too many unrelated people.¡±


    ¡°I just wish I could¡­Idunno, rub that smug bastard¡¯s nose in it.¡± Garth said.


    Wilson¡¯s eyes widened, and he pointed at Garth.


    ¡°Yep, realized it the moment I said it.¡± Garth said, putting up soundproofing.


    ****


    Guildmaster Eckert Duvan was wrapping up a long day of looking for a business to launder the five million credits, organizing guild paperwork with a relieved sigh. Relieved that it was over. The day, and his career.


    In another six months or so, he¡¯d be announcing his retirement, they¡¯d send him off in style, and he¡¯d get full retirement benefits. That combined with his recent nest egg, would allow him to be sipping booze watered down with fruit, ogling young women on the beach until his heart gave out.


    If he bought a brothel on the beach of Caasia, he¡¯d have his piggy bank right at hand. Retirement was looking ten times better than it had a few short weeks before.


    As Eckert was organizing the brochures of the beachside pleasure houses with information written down on the backs he¡¯d received from getting into contact with their owners, he smelled a waft of something¡­musty.


    Like the stale air from the deepest part of a dungeon.


    Eckert¡¯s skin crawled as the mana in the room vanished, but before he could look for what had done it, a hand seized the back of his neck and shoved, slamming his face down onto the table.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Eckert shouted, his eyes watering as he clasped his hands to his nose.


    When he could open his eyes again, Eckert found himself in a very different location, surrounded by red crystals in a tunnel lit by a floating white light. The air was musty and stale. He was in the dungeon.


    ¡°Good evening,¡± The purple man holding his neck said. ¡°We¡¯re gonna have a talk about your recent behavior.¡±


    ¡°I am the Guildmaster of Pelianore, if an upstart like you thinks you can-¡° The iron grasp on his neck tightened, strangling Eckert¡¯s words.


    ¡°Let me show you something.¡± The purple man, No, Garth, Said. Eckert put a name to the only purple person he knew. Then invisible pressure shoved Eckert to his knees and Garth forced his face into contact with the Dungeon Core.


    ¡°What does that look like to you?¡± Garth¡¯s voice came from behind him as Eckert¡¯s eyelid was peeled open by the core being roughly smushed against his face.


    ¡°Dungeon core.¡±


    ¡°Good answer. It¡¯s the Pelianore dungeon core.¡± Garth¡¯s voice raised. ¡°And if I Smash the Pelianore dungeon core, are you still the Guildmaster of Pelianore?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°And if I tell Anyone about the five million credits you accepted to let an unqualified individual buy citizenship, are you still Guildmaster?¡±


    ¡°¡­No.¡±


    ¡°And if I gut you, leave you here to be eaten by the core and its monsters, are you still the guildmaster?¡±


    Eckert was silent. He didn¡¯t like the direction this conversation was going. He needed to scare the upstart off and buy himself enough breathing room to retaliate. Judging by his mana controlling technique, he was part of one of the guilds. If they found out he was poaching someone else¡¯s territory, the boy was as good as dead.


    ¡°This planet is under the protection of the Kinereth Paquis clan, what you are doing will start a war between yours and theirs. You will die for doing something this stupid.¡±


    Behind him, Garth chuckled. ¡°You should have thought about that before you took my money. How are you going to explain that five million credit windfall to your Kinereth Paquis clan? I know for a fact you didn¡¯t give it to the guild, instead you stuffed it in your cheeks like a greedy squirrel.¡±


    Eckert paled. That could look bad for him.


    ¡°Let¡¯s face it,¡± Garth whispered in his ear. ¡°You took my money, I own you.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to do anything for you, you fucking maniac!¡±


    ¡°Calm down, calm down,¡± Garth said quietly, murderously, his breath tickling Eckert¡¯s ear. Eckert began struggling in earnest, trying to roll aside, elbow his captor, gore him with his horns. Anything.


    It was all for naught. Eckert saw the mana in the room move at the clan member¡¯s command, locking him in place. Ecker tried to wrench it away, tried to cast his own spell and blast the upstart in the face, but he couldn¡¯t do anything more than pluck on the mana¡¯s strings, making it vibrate ineffectually.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want you to do anything difficult, or life threatening.¡± Garth murmured into his ear. It felt like the words were reaching through his ear and settling directly into his mind, causing Eckert to struggle even harder. The bastards using magic on me!


    ¡°Just do one, easy, simple, legal little thing for me.¡± Garth continued. ¡°Or I¡¯ll burn your life, and your dungeon, and your guild, and your town to the ground. And once all is said and done, The Kinereth Guild is gonna come looking all right¡­for you.¡±


    Eckert slumped in his magical restraints.


    ¡°What¡­What do you want?¡± The bastard probably wanted him to smuggle Sanatite out of the city to bypass the tariffs and make a boatload of money. It was a stupid plan. The clan paid extra close attention to their source of income. It was the same as stealing from them.


    The whole thing was just a more circuitous way of winding up disgraced and dead.


    Garth shrugged and shook his head, saying, ¡°Just an apology.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±

 Chapter 88: A New Breed

    ¡°Is there anything more I can get for you, my Queen?¡± The bright-eyed, skinny young nymph said, his four hands clasped together and his antennae bowed. The Queen must have thought it was quite a joke, assigning her the only nymph she¡¯d expressed an opinion on.


    ¡°Bring me an entire Banta and save us the time,¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt said, tearing into the meal between shrugging and stretching, trapped in her own aching exoskeleton. She was growing, and she was ravenous, eating half her weight every day.


    And the longer this process went on, the more fascinating she found Tekchizeti. It was a strange sensation, almost like hunger, but warmer, somewhere deep inside her lower abdomen.


    Maybe if she ignored it, it would go away.


    ¡°I could bring a quarter of a Banta, my queen,¡± He said, expressive Antennae shifting rapidly through alarm, thoughtfulness, revision, decisiveness.


    ¡°That would be fine.¡±


    Half an hour later, Tekchizeti returned, dragging a large Banta leg almost as big as he was. The weak male struggled under the burden, his legs wobbling as he descended the tunnel into the cavern.


    ¡°Good, bring it over.¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s hunger made her say. ¡°And sit next to me.¡± The other feeling made her speak before she could realize where it came from.


    ¡°As you wish.¡± Tekchizeti sat beside her, his antennae practically blaring Excitement/Nervousness with wild swings between the two of them.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt wasn¡¯t really sure what hers were doing. She found all of her attention focused on the body occupying the pillow beside her. She found herself devoting most of her attention to the side of her vision, studying the pretty male beside her. She was so distracted that she almost swallowed a bone.


    ¡°So¡­What do we do?¡± Tekchizeti asked.


    ¡°Sit down and shut up,¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt said. ¡°Tell me about yourself.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt clattered her mandibles internally at the conflicting commands she was giving him. the new emotions were making her behavior erratic at best.


    Was she a failure as a queen? She hadn¡¯t heard anything about this. In any case, she had to present a consistent ruler to her Queen-chosen mate. Surely the queen knew better than she did.


    ¡°I was groomed from a young age to be a scholar. At the queen¡¯s request, my thesis was on deviant behavior and how it may be of value to the tribe. You¡¯re one of my case studies.¡±


    The warmth in Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s abdomen quieted down.


    ¡°What?¡± She demanded. ¡°Are you saying¡­¡±


    ¡°I recommended you as a candidate for queen,¡± he said cheerfully. ¡°I had noticed that your trouble working with others didn¡¯t stem from a lack of love for your hive, but rather an inborn instinct that might allow you to-¡°


    ¡°You little assdew licker!¡± She shouted, leaping on the nymph and throttling him.


    ¡°Please, my Queen!¡± he hissed and chittered in alarm, unable to put up a struggle against her vastly superior mass. His thin arms tugged on her own pointlessly while his lower arms beat ineffectively against her thicker, darker chitin.


    ¡°Because of you, I had to watch my friends get murdered! I had to wander the Earth alone, away from my hive for longer than anyone should ever have to!¡±


    ¡°But¡­What if you hadn¡¯t gone? What would have happened to us?¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt heaved a sigh and released him, holding her head in her hands, still on top of the nymph. They would all be dead, because she was the only princess capable of doubt. Perhaps Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt should thank him, but the honor of becoming a queen was far more of a burden. One he¡¯d had a direct hand in.


    ¡°I apologize, I¡¯ve been¡­strange recently.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± he said, reaching up and patting her torso and mandibles. ¡°Queens are confused at first.¡± The sensation of his hands against her torso was incredible, causing her mandibles to relax. Her abdomen convulsively dipped down, bumping against his.


    A jolt of pleasure shot through Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s body, and she stiffened for an instant before hastily pushing herself off him.


    ¡°That¡¯s not¡­we didn¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°We did not, my queen,¡± he said, sitting up, his antennae nervous and thoughtful and confused and excited. ¡°I don¡¯t think so.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt said. ¡°I mean, it¡¯s too soon, anyway.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s been three weeks, my queen. The extra week is practically a formality.¡±


    ¡°How do you know that?¡±


    ¡°The Queen told me that you would be, and I quote, ¡®a slavering ball of lust¡¯ by the second week. A date that came and went. Would you like for me to send for a different male?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not necessary,¡± she replied immediately, idly petting his abdomen with her lower right hand. ¡°I just don¡¯t know¡­How to do it.¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt realized what her hand was doing and pulled it back quickly.


    ¡°I could show you?¡± he said quietly. ¡°Males are given a basic education in the art of pleasing a queen, should it ever be required of them.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt pulled her upper right hand away from where it had wandered onto his back, and her lower left away from his leg. She drew in an enormous breath and heaved a sigh.


    ¡°If you would be so kind.¡±


    ****


    Queen Ti¡¯zishki watched through the scrying spell as the two youngsters finally got around to breeding.


    ¡°It¡¯s about time,¡± she said, giving them privacy with a dismissive wave of her hand. Her plans for the next generation of her people were coming to fruition. The cleverest scholar and the most free-thinking princess were an excellent match.


    Tzetin were strong and nimble, renowned as excellent combatants, and yet they were poor, their land and population constantly shrinking. Idiotic queens across their home planet tried to breed ever fiercer warriors, hoping to bring back their glory through force of arms.


    Then they would agree to an outrageously bad deal, and some off-worlder would walk away with all their food, or money, or land.


    Ti¡¯zishki had realized that it wasn¡¯t a matter of strength at arms, or even intelligence. It was about thinking in a way that ran contrary to the very nature of the Tzetin. She couldn¡¯t do it well, herself, but she had hoped to identify a princess who could.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt had that kind of non-Tzetin mind from a very young age. Hopefully a pairing with Tekchizeti would lead to more cunning queens in the future.


    Queen Ti¡¯zishki would not allow her race to die out.


    ****


    The next five days were a blur of passion for Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt, taking every free moment to delight in the male¡¯s body, using him to satisfy herself at the slightest provocation. He seemed fine with it.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt had reached the full size of a Queen, some nine and a half feet tall, dwarfing the little male.


    ¡°Tekchizeti, fetch me another shoulder cut of Urtoros and then perhaps do your duty while I eat.¡± She said, lazily reclining in the pool of silk at the center of the cave. Her swords lay at the end of the cavern where she had set them over a week ago, nearly forgotten. There was no way they would fit her now.


    They were child-sized now, the handles almost too small for her hands.


    ¡°My queen¡­¡± he said, his antennae showing hints of unease and a small amount of discontent beneath his reverence.


    What did he have to be discontent about? From everything she¡¯d seen, he enjoyed himself as much as she. Perhaps there was something she was unable to see it.


    ¡°Tell me what is bothering you.¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt said, placing a digit as long as his head between his antennae and massaging the sensitive area.


    His posture of deference began to give way to the wild twitches of arousal and pleasure.


    ¡°I..Ummm¡­¡± he said, shaking. ¡°I wonder if perhaps my queen does not value me for more than fetching food and breeding.¡±


    ¡°Foolish, emotional male,¡± she said, picking him up and setting him atop her abdomen. ¡°We Haven¡¯t been outside the Succession Chamber yet, have we? When I go back aboveground, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll have plenty of opportunities to prove your value to me.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt considered for a moment as she petted him. ¡°I would be especially glad if you were a capable minister. I care little for tedious paperwork.¡±


    ¡°I am very good at paperwork,¡± he purred between his words.


    ¡°Good male.¡±


    Itet was about to slide him lower on her abdomen and put him to work when the smell of smoke and screams from non-tzetin lungs resonated in her eardrums.


    ¡°What in Kolath¡¯s name is that?¡± She said, sitting forward violently, sending the male tumbling to the floor.


    ¡°What is what, what?¡± he asked, coming out of his rutting stupor. A moment later, he heard the sound, coming to attention.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt made for the tunnel up, stooping far lower than she had on the way in. She reached the trapdoor, only to find it held down. In the distance, the sounds of Tzetin in pain filled the air, and a tiny bit of smoke wafted between the slats.


    She slammed against the wooden trapdoor twice to no avail, then braced her body against the floor, and pushed with every muscle in her body straining to its limit.


    There was a tortured metal screech as the trapdoor began to open.


    ¡°Stop!¡± Came the commanding voice of her Queen. In the tiny crack, Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt could see her queen¡¯s feet. ¡°Stay down there until I call you. You alone must get through this unharmed. Our hive depends on it. Maybe more.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s insides burned, but she swallowed her unease and let the trap door fall back to the ground. With a hiss of frustration, she turned back the way she had come.


    ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± Tekchizeti asked, shivering in terror.


    ¡°Don¡¯t know,¡± she said, walking past him and grabbing her swords. Her harness that secured her blades didn¡¯t fit anymore, so she simply grabbed the four blades and unsheathed them. ¡°Something bad.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt stalked back to the tunnel and listened. She heard the sound of the Queen leaving the hut, and the sound of battle. In a few short minutes of agonizing waiting for the queen¡¯s signal, the sound of Tzetin disappeared, and only the mocking laughs of Otherworlder¡¯s remained.


    She tightened her fist around the tiny sword handle. She should have trusted her instinct and gone against the Queens wishes. With her help they might have¡­died slower, her cynical mind filled in for her.


    ¡°Hey, look at this,¡± a guttural offworlder voice said from the end of the tunnel. ¡°This must be the Queen¡¯s hut.¡±


    ¡°How do you figure?¡± Another voice asked.


    ¡°More shiny rocks, than anyone else.¡±


    There was a loud guffaw.


    ¡°Fuckin¡¯ barbarians. You think that¡¯s how they choose ¡®em? Least flimsy hovel?¡±


    ¡°Who cares? We did our job, let¡¯s get out of here.¡± Said a third voice.


    ¡°Gotta be thorough,¡± The second voice said. ¡°Besides, some of these rocks are valuable.


    There was a slam above her and a pained shout along with the clattering of stone on wood.


    ¡°Gah, I stubbed my toe!¡±


    ¡°What the hell? There¡¯s a trapdoor here, and the fastening¡¯s bent, poor Cirius lost some skin on that one.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s pry it open, maybe they¡¯ve got something valuable in there.¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt stepped away from the tunnel, dragging Tekchizeti back with her. She took a deep breath and shoved all the fear and anger down and locked it away. Suddenly it was as though she was watching her body from a distance. She was about to lie.


    ¡°Tekchizeti, I need you to stay calm and agree with whatever I say.¡±


    ****


    ¡°Our saviours!¡± Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt said, clasping her hands together. Her blades were hidden beneath the sheets in the center of the cavern. The torch-wielding orcs paused at the entrance of the Succession Chamber to stare at her and Tekchizeti. ¡°The Ji¡¯Zztit hive will pay you handsomely for my return! Those foul T¡¯zzitet captured me and my mate and intended to use us as a bargaining chip!¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt chose to impersonate the most well-off hive on the planet, a hive known to provide muscle to the Dan Ui clan, and a nearby one as well. Her queen would never do something so risky, but it might just sound plausible to an offworlder.


    She could see their faces light up, but Tekchizeti¡¯s antennae were twitching in horror, his gaze directed at her. She could read the complex emotions displayed without him needing to voice a single one.


    How could you say that about your hive? How could you claim to be anything else? What kind of monster are you? Mostly he just looked shellshocked and confused.


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt represented the Hive now. The Hive decided to live.


    ¡°Political prisoner, huh?¡± The man in front said, whistling as he took in Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s size. A moment later, he directed his gaze toward Tekchizeti. ¡°Not the kind of treasure I was hoping for, but almost as good.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯re her mate from the Ji¡¯Zztit hive?¡± he asked, his posture relaxed, obviously not expecting any trouble. This was good. Once they were outside the tunnel, Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt could take Tekchizeti and find an opportunity to escape. All Tekchizeti had to do was say yes.


    ¡°I am¡­the servant of Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt!¡± The male¡¯s voice began to raise, causing the orcs to change their stance. Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt could only watch in horror as the little male rushed them, his Antennae quivering with rage and confusion. ¡°Of the T¡¯zzitet Hive!¡±


    With a smooth motion, the orc lopped the little Tzetin¡¯s head from his shoulder. He studied the corpse for a moment, then brandished his blade at her, a quizzical look on his face.


    ¡°Did you just lie to me?¡±


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt skewered him and his two friends on swords made of ice.


    I should have done it this way from the beginning, she thought as the orc tried to claw the blade out of his gut. She used her free hand to snap his neck before disposing of his friends. Poor Tekchizeti.


    ****


    Abred Norman of the Dan Ui clan was cleaning his fingernails as the mercenaries cleaned out the T¡¯zzitet hive. The analogy wasn¡¯t a bad one, this particular hive had grown a bit too much, so it was time for them to be trimmed down to size. Somehow they¡¯d succeeded during the dungeon Rush, and rather than spend it all on food and weapons as they should have, they decided to buy farming equipment, switching their focus on stabilizing and expanding.


    That attitude didn¡¯t sit well with the ones in charge of this planet. Tzetin were a valuable resource. As they were. They should stick to fighting who they were told and leave the thinking to their betters.


    The ignorant savages.


    ¡°What¡¯s taking Gurd so long?¡± Abred wondered aloud.


    ¡°I think they found the queen¡¯s hut.¡± His underling said.


    Ah, looting.


    ¡°Well tell them to hurry up. I don¡¯t want to spend a second longer in this stinking cesspit than I have to.¡± He wrinkled his nose as he looked around at the tiny straw huts.


    ¡°Remind him that a dock in pay would cost him far more than a chance at a bit of¡­scrimshaw or whatever the hell these bugs consider valuable. Seashells?¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± The underling set off toward the hut at the top of the rocky outcropping, obviously the Queen¡¯s hut because it had a goddamned proper wooden floor.


    Abred snorted and continued picking the dirt and slime from beneath his nails. Terrible hygene, all of them. He couldn¡¯t wait to get back to the branch.


    An ear drum shocking sound of shattering wood caught Abred¡¯s attention as the Queen¡¯s hut exploded, pinning the nameless minion to the ground with a massive beam.


    What was his name again? And what the hell is that?


    A Queen stepped out of the hut, nearly bigger than it was. Her chitin was darker and healthier than any rural queen had a right to be, and she was huge! What had they been feeding her??


    Abred¡¯s thoughts came to a halt when a spear of ice shot out of a free hand and perforated two of his mercenaries.


    Magic using, extra large, extra rural queen. He thought, bringing up his Lantern. Just when you think you¡¯ve seen everything.


    Macronomicon


    Hot. Nasty. Bug-sex. Write what you know, I guess.


    Anyway, Today''s chapter dump calorically funded by a monster and a costco Apple Crumble Muffin, two of my favorite guilty pleasures, and only affordable thanks to my Patrons reading 47 chapters ahead!. I never thought life could be this good. A muffin and a drink at the same time?


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 Chapter 89: Fleshweaver

    Macronomicon


    Enjoy!


    day three of the muffin-fueled writing rage.


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    Abred sat against the straw shack, trembling hand holding his innards inside his body. Both his legs were folded under him at unnatural angles, a constant source of terrible pain.


    All his training undone by sheer hulking ferocity and a fucking length of wood bigger than he was.


    The queen came back from where she had disappeared to further in the hive, causing Abred to clench and moan as a fresh wave of pain assaulted him.


    The Tzetin tilted its head, studying him with its huge, disgusting eyes.


    ¡°I want to know who did this.¡± The Tzetin chittered, the huge bug leaning down to inspect his wound.


    This was a perfect opportunity. All he had to do was spin a tale for her that was just plausible and she¡¯d deliver him and herself to the hands of the Dan Ui clan.


    ¡°My queen,¡± Abred wheedled, panting. ¡°I¡¯m a prisoner, forced to work for these people by these.¡± He motioned to the gaudy bracelets on his wrists. ¡°I could not be more grateful to you for the assistance.¡± Unless she was an Archmage, she most likely wouldn¡¯t be able to tell there was no mana circulating through the bracelets, and being a Tzetin, she would eat it up.


    ¡°Ah,¡± The Queen said, looking at the golden bracelet, held between her chitinous thumb and forefinger. ¡°Your welcome.¡±


    Abred heard a crunch, then a fresh pain seared up his arm, joining the rest¡¯s incessant nagging. The queen had crushed his wrist between her fingers, along with the bracelet, which was now crushed into his flesh, stopping up his veins.


    Abred began to thrash violently, trying to claw himself away from the immovable hand almost the size of his chest.


    ¡°Did that undo the enchantment?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Perhaps I need to get both of them?¡± she said, reaching for the other wrist.


    ¡°No, NO!¡± Abred said, trying to keep his wrist away from her.


    ¡°Oh, alright. Anyway, I was asking about who did this, not your tale of woe. Non-Tzetin are so often confused about what is and what is not that I seperated six of your companions around the hive, and the first two with identical stories will be returned unharmed. You¡¯re actually the second one I¡¯m telling this, so you¡¯ve got a very good chance as long as you¡¯re not¡­confused about the reason for this attack.¡±


    Abred¡¯s blood ran cold. The Tzetin were looking for a way to deal with dishonesty and subterfuge. It seemed like they still didn¡¯t understand it, but they¡¯d come up with a brutally effective way to seek the truth.


    ¡°The Dan Ui Clan instructed us to cull the T¡¯zzitet hive.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°They were free of their debt and likely to grow into a problem in the future if left unchecked.¡±


    ¡°Your story matches,¡± The Tzetin said, causing Abred to heave a sigh of relief.


    The last thing he saw was a dark shelled fist heading for his face.


    ****


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt cleaned the clan member¡¯s brain matter from her fist, her insides quivering with rage, hoplessness, disgust, and shame. He¡¯d believed every word of her lies.


    She turned and went down the side path that lead toward the entrance to the hive, standing above the Queen, who was sprawled against a thatch hut, her limbs rigid in death.


    ¡°What would you have done different, if you had known?¡±


    The corpse held no answers for her. Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt took a deep breath and sat in the mud of the street, letting the loss of her hive sink in.


    What you need to do, is protect the hive. A familiar voice whispered at the back of her awareness. The same voice that had given her power over ice. Her sister who died better than her in every way.


    What hive? It¡¯s gone. Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt thought, inhaling the smoke that hung over the hive, wallowing in despair.


    You¡¯re the hive, saplicker!


    Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt¡¯s head came up, then she glanced at her bulbous queen abdomen and her darkened exoskeleton.


    Right. She stood and headed back to the Succession chamber.


    She only had a few weeks until she started laying the next generation of the hive, and she would need a Succession Chamber. If another queen dug one by hand, Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt could too. She just needed the mushrooms.


    There was no way she was going to stay on this planet controlled by the Dan Ui clan. If she went to the outer spheres, she would have fifty uncontested years to grow a healthy hive, powerful enough not to be trifled with.


    As soon as she thought of the outer spheres, she thought of one person.


    That scumbag will help.


    *****


    ¡°How¡¯s the new arm treating you?¡± Garth said as they walked through the Arcanite dungeon, filling their pockets with the illicit mineral.


    Leanne flexed her blue left hand, torn from a delicate Corio woman who¡¯d tried to kill them in their sleep. She hadn¡¯t been a perfect match for Leanne, but Garth had been able to tweak it enough to make it feel natural for her.


    ¡°The fur feels weird.¡± She said, stroking the forearm.


    ¡°You¡¯ll go blind playing with yourself like that.¡±


    Leanne used her new arm to punch Garth in the shoulder, sending him careening into the stone wall.


    Garth spat out a rock and pounced on Leanne.


    ¡°That how you show gratitude young lady? Arm confiscated!¡±


    ¡°Try it bitch,¡± She shouted, kicking him away from her. ¡°You¡¯re not my dad!¡±


    When Garth charged her a second time, she leapt into the air and pirouetted around him, putting him in an arm bar in a blink of an eye.


    Leanne yanked backward without mercy, and Garth was only barely able to remove his elbow joint in time to avoid it breaking. Channeling mana through his body, Garth grew slimy brown tentacles he¡¯d harvested from the stationary ambush predators that looked like stalagmites.


    They burst out of his chest, complete with nerves, extending his perceptions outward as his brain changed on the fly to accommodate them. Garth¡¯s vision went white as he removed the connection to his optic nerves, before rewiring them to the new eyeballs sticking out of his nipples.


    Garth peeled out of his clothes, and his head folded back, chest splitting down the center to reveal a row of jagged teeth made from his rib bones.


    ¡°I¡¯ll bet you¡¯ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going,¡± Garth said with his chest-mouth, the air rattling through air sacks built just for speech.


    ¡°MUAHAHAHA!¡±


    Leanne tried to drop the arm bar, but Garth¡¯s hand had turned into another sticky tentacle and wrapped around her limbs, preventing her escape.


    ¡°Now gimme that arm, you ungrateful brat.¡±


    ¡°Bite me!¡± Leanne shouted, biting off a chunk of his tentacle and squirming away, delivering a solid kick to his now empty head.


    ¡°If you insist.¡± Garth said, his chest mouth looming wide as Leanne screeched.


    Out of the corner of his nipple-eye, Garth saw motion, followed by a shriek of horror.


    ¡°Umm¡­¡± Garth said, turning to address the party of three adventurers watching the two of them scuffle. ¡°This isn¡¯t what it looks like.¡±


    It was a party of two big orcs and a lithe benkei woman, all dressed in light armor, with shortbows and longswords. Each of them had a bandolier full of potions and scars from years of fighting.


    ¡°Kill it!¡±


    In a matter of seconds, half a dozen arrows lanced toward Garth, perforating him.


    ¡°I blame you for this,¡± Garth said to Leanne as he rerouted his circulation around the arrows in the midst of charging forward. Garth¡¯s head snapped back into place and he became able to see what he was doing more comfortably. For a touch of flair, he wiggled his tentacles and gave an unearthly howl from his distended jaw, while gnashing his ribcage teeth.


    ¡°Gods!¡± the lead orc shouted, dropping his bow and drawing his sword in one smooth motion.


    Garth was about to reach them when the stone under his feet turned to liquid mud, dropping him knee deep into the puddle before it solidified in an instant. Garth glanced over at the Benkei woman who was deep in concentration. That woman could be a problem.


    ¡°Die!¡± the lead orc plunged forward and slammed his blade down on Garth¡¯s neck, cleaving away his head and right arm, which flopped down onto the ground.


    Torso Garth whipped a tentacle forward, stretching it and wrapping it around the Benkei mage¡¯s face, seeking to invade her body. Garth hadn¡¯t had a Benkei sample yet.


    ¡°It¡¯s not dead!¡± The second orc shouted, cleaving the tentacle in half.


    The lead orc let out a feral howl and brought his blade straight down on Garth¡¯s chest, cutting him in twain and sending gouts of blood everywhere.


    Head and Shoulder Garth grabbed and bit into the orc¡¯s leg, forcing himself into the meat-sack¡¯s bloodstream.


    The lead orc screamed and tried to dislodge the disembodied head while the second or tried to unwrap Tentacle Garth, who was worming his way into the mage¡¯s respritory system.


    To be fair, he managed to tear a lot of Tentacle Garth away. The Garth that remained crawled into the mages lungs and began to assimilate and reproduce.


    ¡°It¡¯s a regenerator, Use fire!¡± the lead orc called, shearing Head Garth away from his leg and pulling out a potion. He drank the potion down and then breathed an enormous jet of fire onto both halves of Torso Garth.


    Garth¡¯s thought processes became muddied as his torso started mindlessly flailing in the heat of the fire. The other hims were too small with too little neural tissue to do very much thinking, and the connection between them was disturbed by the chaotic screaming of the largest piece.


    The fight devolved into pain and mindless thrashing.


    Time slipped by. Warm. Wet. Hungry. Aching growth. Confinement. Garth was penned in somewhere, confined. When he tried to stretch out, something pushed back, keeping him in check. It felt like Garth was trapped in some kind of egg. confined in every direction.


    Rallying all his strength and every bit of brainpower he could muster, Garth pushed up, piercing through his confinement with the snap of bone.


    ¡°I liiiive!¡± Garth shrieked in a tiny voice as he emerged from the Benkei woman¡¯s chest. Never thought I¡¯d be a chestburster. Life goals.


    The lead orc was thrashing on the ground, his mouth frothing as he went into shock from the Garth eating its way through his bloodstream. Shoulda lost the leg, buddy, Garth thought as he pried himself the rest of the way out.


    ¡°Pardon me,¡± He said as he shoved a big, soft breast out of his way. There were perks to being baby-sized, after all.


    ¡°What the hell are you?¡± The second orc, clutching his stomach where Leanne had disemboweled him. His eyes were wide with terror, skin pale from blood loss.


    ¡°Oh, hey Garth, I thought you were dead.¡± Leanne glanced over at where the monsterous charred corpse was still smoking, standing upright and split in half.


    ¡°Perks of having a decentralized nervous system, I suppose.¡± Garth said, then glanced at the orc. ¡°And as for what I am¡­Human Kipling Aberrant FleshWeaver, is probably the most accurate description.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a mouthful.¡±


    ¡°You know it,¡± Garth said, reaching back down into the Benkei mage¡¯s chest and retrieving her heart. It didn¡¯t come easy, as attached to her entire circulatory system.


    ¡°You ever see those movies where someone pulls someone else¡¯s heart out of their chest?¡± Garth said, straining to get it out of there. ¡°Well, it¡¯s total bullshit. This sucker is in here good.


    Garth formed blades with his hands and cut around the heart before pulling it out, snacking on the tough meat and the crunchy heartstone.


    ¡°mmm, that¡¯s good stuff.¡± Garth turned back to the mortally wounded orc. ¡°So. About the Arcanite trade. Did you or Krog do any under the table dealing with a large syndicate?¡±


    ¡°How do you know his name?¡±


    Garth finished the heart, feeling his body ache painfully as it rapidly grew. He eyed the Benkei woman, her eyes sunken into her face, since there was nothing behind it to support them. Garth had eaten her brain first.


    ¡°Take a guess.¡±


    The remains of Tentacle Garth coiled up Garth¡¯s leg and rejoined him, along with a flood of red blood from the now dead Krog. Head and Shoulder Garth clawed his way across the floor, eager to reunite despite half his head sheared away by the lead orc.

 Chapter 90: Offshoots

    Macronomicon


    Enjoy the chapter!


    Missed yesterday because of a manual override, so you get one today!


    I hope you''re having fun! The shit seems to be getting close to hitting the fan. Sort of.


    Many hugs and kissed and seruptitious handies under the table to my Amazing Patrons, reading and commenting forty..ummm forty nine? wow, okay 49 chapters ahead!


    If you vote it, they will come.


    Geda Fared, the undisputed master of the Black Dragon Syndicate and an elder of the Fen Sha clan, enjoyed looking down on other people. His audience room gave him the superiority he craved. Half of it was covered in gold and jewels, while the other half was compacted dirt and concrete.


    Of course he made his petitioners kneel in the dirt. No matter how wealthy they thought they were, they would wind up with dirt on their knees while he sat on gold that had been molded to his ass.


    In front of him was a fat merchant and his son begging him for protection from Geda¡¯s bandits who had been raiding the man¡¯s olive exports and secretly investigating whether or not he¡¯d been trying to smuggle arcanite off planet.


    The good news was that the man hadn¡¯t been found guilty. But he still needed to pay for the privilege of conducting business.


    ¡°I understand that the raids have been hard on your business,¡± Geda said, choosing his words carefully, so as not to seem a poor spoken ruler. Image was everything.


    He was practically the king of this entire planet.


    ¡°So I will simply accept a flat forty percent of each shipment, delivered to the Miliati warehouse the day before you send them out. If you do so, I will will be able to afford you protection that will prevent any more harm from befalling your business.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re the one who-¡° The younger man raised his head and began to shout, filling Geda with a killing rage. In a flash the older merchant grabbed the boy by the back of his head and slammed him down into the dirt, forcing a comical squawk out of the teen.


    The funny noise and pool of blood spreading from the young man¡¯s nose made him forget about his anger. Geda glanced over at Kineth, his shinta companion. The two shared a mocking glance at the boy before Geda addressed them again.


    ¡°I have set the terms, I will leave it to you to decide whether or not you will follow them.¡± Geda said, waving his hand dismissively


    ¡°Thank you my lord,¡± the merchant spoke into the dirt before pulling his son out of the room by the scruff of his neck.


    ¡°Why spare the boy?¡± Kineth asked.


    ¡°You know how this works, The man¡¯s only got one son to lose. What use is there destroying our only leverage?¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± Kineth said before nodding to himself, causing Geda to glance over at the old shinta curiously. Geda¡¯s mentor was getting pretty long in the tooth, perhaps it was finally time to retire him.


    ¡°Who¡¯s next?¡± Geda asked, hoping for perhaps a single mother and her daughter, or any combination that ended the day with a sloppy blowjob and a new source of income. Geda wasn¡¯t picky, all that really mattered to him was forcing people to do things they had never thought they would sink to.


    ¡°A pair of refugees looking for transport to the other hemisphere, all the way out to the Outer Sphere.¡±


    Geda whistled. ¡°damn, they must think we¡¯re made of money. Nothing they could possibly have or do could be worth our time. Blindfold them and send them to the appropriate locations.¡± Geda waved dismissively.


    The appropriate locations simply meant the place where a specific race and gender could exploited for maximum profit. There were a few rare species out there that would go straight to auction, and some who made excellent laborers regardless of gender, like the Tzetin. The rest were roughly divided between isolated, unregulated whorehouses, and hard labor in the Arconite mines.


    ¡°Who¡¯s next?¡±


    ¡°It says here they have something to trade for the trip.¡±


    ¡°Since I assume you would have taken it from them if they had it on hand-¡°


    ¡°Yes sir.¡±


    ¡°Then send them in and let¡¯s get this farce over with.¡± Geda said. Probably some tusker¡¯s wisdom teeth carved into a charm against disease. Never pass up a potential opportunity though, no matter how tedious sifting through the chaff might be. Geda rubbed his brows as the large double doors slowly opened, pushed by his orc guards.


    He sat a bit straighter as what appeared to be elf-hybrids walked through the door. They were very strange looking for elf hybrids, though. Their hair was shorn close to their heads, and their clothes were dusty, ripped, and all wrong. One was short and small with red hair, a completely unheard of color for elf hybrids. Perhaps a child? The other was normal size and color hair. A bit pale, but otherwise within the realm of possibility.


    But why would their hair be so short? In the elven custom, hair length corresponded to station. These two looked like slaves, but there were no elven slaves. Not even among the hybrids. It was very strange.


    The strangest part was the Corio arm adorning the smaller one.


    ¡°I believe they¡¯re humans, sir.¡± Kineth said.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°A species from the outer sphere that displays a remarkable outward similarity to hybrids, but are in fact stupider, weaker, slower, and more cowardly.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± Geda said, chuckling as the two humans approached him. ¡°Maybe the brothels can market them as hybrids until the existence of humans becomes common knowledge.¡±


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t take smarts, strength, or courage to suck a cock, I suppose,¡± Kineth said, nodding beside him.


    ¡°Depends on the cock.¡± Geda whispered back, suppressing a grin.


    The two humans approached the raised throne and stopped at the edge of the packed earth, glancing around curiously, unaware that their fate had already been decided.


    ¡°Welcome to my audience chamber,¡± Geda said, magnanimously ignoring their lack of manners. They were from the outer sphere after all. ¡°I¡¯m told you seek transport all the way to the other hemisphere. What do you have to offer for your transport?¡±


    ¡°Well-¡° bigger human started to speak


    ¡°You will kneel in the presence of the leader of the Black dragon Syndicate!¡± Kineth said on que, his voice projecting powerfully into the room. It was nice having such an understanding right hand.


    Someone had to be the bad guy. Maybe Kineth didn¡¯t need to be replaced.


    ¡°Oh, umm¡­okay.¡± The bigger human grunted with effort as he went down on both knees, followed shortly by the smaller, red haired one.


    Geda noticed the human giving Kineth a small frown. He glanced over at Kineth, who seemed to be enjoying his role as Geda¡¯s enforcer for the first time in Kolath knew how long.


    Strange.


    ¡°And put your head on the dirt, filthy commoner.¡±


    Geda gave Kineth a look.


    ¡°Too much?¡± KIneth whispered.


    ¡°A little.¡± Geda turned his attention back to the humans, who were glaring at Kineth, rather than looking fearfully toward him.


    It was settled. This had been Kineth¡¯s last day on the job.


    ¡°Do not mind him.¡± Geda said. ¡°How do you propose to pay to be shuttled to the other hemisphere, and all the way out to the Outer spheres at that?¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± The human with brown hair said as the large double door creaked open behind him. ¡°I was thinking I would trade the ride for not killing your children.¡± Through the door, seven of Geda¡¯s warriors escorted Geda¡¯s three children, his eldest daughter, middle daughter, and youngest son.


    They were bound and gagged, but Geda recognized them and the luxurious bedclothes they were wearing. Their eyes were filled with tears, rolling around at the man kneeling in front of them and the Geda¡¯s own trusted guards who had betrayed him.


    ¡°How dare you!¡± Geda roared, coming to his feet and creating a Lantern that filled most of the room.


    ¡°He dares a lot of things,¡± the small, red human said, glaring at her partner.


    In response to Geda¡¯s roar, The treacherous guards put blades to his children¡¯s necks, their faces devoid of expression. Beside him, Kineth drew his blade, and there they were, stuck at an impasse.


    They have to know I can kill them instantly. Geda thought, working his way through the convolutions. There was treachery at work here, and there was no way some bumpkin from the Outer Sphere orchestrated this entire thing. That took inside information.


    Kineth had been acting strangely.


    Geda whirled and put a beam of fire through Kineth¡¯s torso. The old shinta gave him a look of surprise before collapsing to the ground, a smoking hole in his chest, his sword clattering to the ground. With a simultaneous wave of his hand, he wrapped the seven guards in restricting mana, paralyzing them before lopping off their heads with an invisible blade of force.


    ¡°Ooh, good guess.¡± The kneeling man said, a smug grin on his face. ¡°Leanne, you might wanna exit the room, this is getting tricky.¡±


    The smaller one got to her feet and seized a fallen sword from the ground. ¡°fuck that,¡± she said. ¡°I want a piece of this guy-¡°


    Geda wrapped her in paralyzing mana and aimed a blade of force at her neck. An instant later, she was knocked off her feet by the bigger man tackling her aside.


    He lost a bit of his ear and a slice of shoulder.


    The paralyzed girl was then bodily thrown out of the room by the bigger human. Geda¡¯s children danced away from the fallen guards and the bleeding human.


    ¡°My name is Garth Daniels, and if you would just-¡° Geda interrupted him with a blade of force that split the upstart in two. The human collapsed into two equal parts, forming a pool of blood. In the distance, he could hear the patter of the other human running.


    Geda¡¯s hands trembled from the adrenaline. It had been a long while since something this serious had happened. A reminder not to grow soft. He¡¯d have to come to some kind of arrangement with the children so their grandfather didn¡¯t kill him.


    His children ran to him, and he swept them into a hug, nearly hyperventilating as he stroked his children¡¯s hair.


    ¡°Julian, are you alright?¡± he asked his son as he knelt and untied the youngest child¡¯s gag.


    His middle daughter¡¯s muffled screams barely even registered as his son¡¯s cherry red lips parted to reveal a grotesque, tooth covered tongue that lashed out and seized Geda¡¯s neck, sawing away at his jugular.


    Geda gave a strangled cry and tried to push his son away, but the child exhibited unnatural strength and elasticity, deforming around his father¡¯s arms even as his own tightened around Geda¡¯s neck, losing any semblance of Benkei nature.


    The last thing Geda saw was his smiling eldest daughter holding back his frantic middle daughter, her bonds long ago sloughed off.


    *****


    ¡°Youngest Child Garth got the kill, pay up.¡± Kineth Garth said, holding out his hand as the hole in his chest slowly closed.


    There was a bit of grumbling as the other Garths threw their cash into the pot.


    ¡°Hardly fair when you knew him as well as you did.¡± One of the formerly headless guards grumbled, tossing his money in.


    ¡°If you knew that, you shouldn¡¯t have bet.¡±


    ¡°Pfff.¡±


    ¡°Hey, what are we gonna do about those two?¡±


    As one, all ten Garths simultaneously turned to look at Geda¡¯s remaining children, the conniving, evil eldest daughter, and the sweet, innocent middle daughter. At least according to Kineth¡¯s admittedly spotty memories. You couldn¡¯t get the whole story by eating someone, but it was a lot better than guessing.


    ¡°Say, umm¡­¡± Garth said, searching his spotty memory for her name.


    ¡°Rhenara,¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s it.¡± Garth said, snapping his fingers. One of his Offshoots walked up to the cowering younger sister and raised a hand. The hand morphed into shiny black blade with a microscopic serrated edge, duplicating the tooth of the dinosaur-like carnivores in the deeper levels of this planet¡¯s dungeons.


    Hezro, I think they¡¯re called, Garth thought as the innocent girl let out a small yelp before she was cut down.


    ¡°Rhenara, it didn¡¯t escape me that you could¡¯ve freed yourself at any time, and that look on your face when I ate your dad¡­Priceless.¡±


    She nodded, showing no reaction as Guard Garth bent down and began morphing around her sister¡¯s corpse.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got balls kid,¡± he paused and glanced at her again. ¡°No offence.¡±


    ¡°None taken.¡±


    ¡°How would you like to inherit your dad¡¯s job?¡± Garth said, thinking of all the benefits of having someone owe him a favor in the upper reaches of this particular criminal empire.


    ¡°I¡¯d rather follow you.¡± Rhenara said, staring him in the eye. ¡°I am very unlikely to survive the storm that will follow this, one way or the other.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Garth considered a moment. The fewer people that knew he was capable of reproducing and spreading like a plague, the better. The smartest thing to do was kill her where she stood and Light the entire palace on fire before using the smuggling Gate.


    Buuuut¡­the smartest thing was boring, so he¡¯d compromise. Garth just would have to convince her he had some kind of hard limit on the number of bodies he could possess.


    The most stupid thing he could do was spread himself around willy-nilly. Eventually they¡¯d get wise to it and simply quarantine then glass whatever planets he was on.


    Twenty was a good number. Intimidating, yet believable that he couldn¡¯t stretch any further. Garth didn¡¯t know for a fact that¡¯s where his limit was, but it didn¡¯t seem like there was one. As his total mass increased, his processing power increased with it.


    Maybe when coordinating between them became exponentially more difficult through sheer numbers. Maybe there was a limit. But it wasn¡¯t twenty.


    ¡°I heard from Kineth that you used to like bad boys.¡± Garth said. ¡°So are you following me because you¡¯re waiting for an opportunity to get revenge, or because you want to take advantage of me to seize power somewhere far away from here? Or do you simply like bad boys?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d be impressed if it was one of the first two.¡± Guard Garth said, standing


    ¡°How can you be sure I¡¯m even a boy?¡± her younger sister asked as she sat up, wearing nothing but bloodied rags.


    ¡°A bit of all three.¡± She said with a shrug. ¡°I¡¯d kill you if I thought I could, that frustration blends with a certain amount of¡­fascination with you.¡±


    ¡°Ooo, feisty.¡±


    Leanne came back into the room, wielding a big, bloody sword and panting.


    ¡°What¡¯d I miss?¡± She asked, glancing around the bloodstained room.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got another sidekick. She totally digs me.¡±


    Leanne glanced at Rhenara and rolled her eyes.


    ¡°Let¡¯s just get to the Gate.¡± She said, putting the blade over her shoulder and stomping off.


    ¡°Wait, Leanne, I need a new set of clothes!¡± Garth said, motioning to his bisected, bloody vest.


    ¡°Not my problem!¡± She shouted over her shoulder.


    ¡°How long do you think it¡¯ll take her to realize she doesn¡¯t know where the secret entrance to the basement is?¡± Kineth Garth said.


    ¡°About as long as it¡¯ll take you to reabsorb.¡± Garth said, taking his scraps of clothing off and holding out his arms.


    As one, the Offshoots returned to him, melding back into his body. Garth didn¡¯t gain any weight from the extra mass, which was odd, but his thoughts became more fluid, less fractured as he absorbed their knowledge and heartstones. His body felt stronger, faster, more whole.


    It was better than sex.


    Once he was done, Garth stood in the center of the bloodstained palace, totally naked.


    Garth cleared his throat at the benkei staring at him.


    ¡°You don¡¯t happen to know if your dad kept a spare set of clothes around here, do you?¡±

 Chapter 91: He Started It

    ¡°I had plenty of time to think about my behavior while you were gone, and memories of my own daughter kept springing to mind.¡± Guildmaster Eckert Duvan said, addressing Sandi. The aged corio seemed very contrite as he stopped the party outside the entrance of the dungeon.


    The party of veteran adventurers gave the guildmaster several double and even triple takes as the old man took Sandi away to apologize.


    ¡°Huh, never thought he had it in him,¡± Bulad whispered to Garth.


    Garth shrugged.


    ¡°And I wanted to apologize for treating you the way I did. I¡¯d be aggrieved if someone treated my little girl that way, and I realized you¡¯re someone else¡¯s little girl too, not some man eating monster.¡±


    ¡°I have eaten a few men before?¡± Sandi said, causing the Guild master¡¯s heartfelt apology to stutter to a halt.


    ¡°They totally deserved it, though.¡± She clarified, patting the Guildmaster¡¯s shoulder reassuringly.


    ¡°What I¡¯m trying to say is¡­you¡¯re not a monster. You¡¯re a person, and¡­¡± he hesitated for a timeless moment, ¡°I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t treat you like one.¡±


    ¡°Thank you!¡± She said, sniffling back tears and hugging him, engulfing the aged corio with her generous mummeries. Her heart-shaped bottom wiggled enticingly as he struggled in her grasp.


    The assembled party of adventurers admired the view for a moment before she set him down again. The Corio sisters rolled their eyes and went about their business but Junten looked like she wanted a hug too. She was practically drooling.


    ¡°Now comes the more serious business.¡± The Guildmaster said, struggling to keep his breathing calm. ¡°We have to process your haul.¡± He motioned for nearby clerks with large scales to come forward.


    Without missing a beat, Grok unslung the backpack full of crystals, and the rest of the party began emptying their Status bands, dropping a couple cubic feet of sanatite per person into a great bin brought by the guild personnel.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Garth whispered to Grok.


    ¡°Taxes, essentially. It¡¯s illegal to walk straight out of the city with the sanatite gained in the dungeon, even more so on a big haul like this. We register the quantity with the guild, then it¡¯s possible to buy a portion of it back with the receipt they give us. We show the receipt to the people at the gate, showing that we¡¯ve paid for the mineral in question.¡±


    ¡°Ah, and if we don¡¯t want Sanatite?¡±


    ¡°You can get a receipt for cash straight from the guild¡¯s coffers.¡±


    Interesting, so the clan that ruled this place liked to know exactly how much product came out of their mine. The old man wasn¡¯t jerking him around, they ran a tight ship.


    Wonder if they¡¯re interested in the luxury goods trade? Garth leaned over an empty bin wider than he was tall, and held out his Status band.


    A cascade of the self-healing mineral tumbled out of thin air, creating a cacophony of tinkling crystals. In a minute, the bin was full, and Garth motioned for them to bring the next one over.


    ¡°What the hell is that?¡± Grok asked quietly.


    ¡°What is what?¡±


    ¡°That status band. You¡¯ve got to have a couple hundred storage enchantments slaved together to store that much.¡±


    Or one really big one, thanks to the Mythic Core chips.


    ¡°Well, it was a hobby project I spent a lot of time on in wizard college.¡±


    ¡°You could sell something like that for¡­.¡± Grok blew air between his lips as he tried to calculate its value. ¡°A lot.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s got sentimental value.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Sandi shouted, tackling him with a hug. Luckily Garth¡¯s spine had long since exceeded human standards, and he only had the wind driven out of him in an ¡®oof!¡¯.


    ¡°I told you he was actually nice.¡± Sandi said, her breasts pushing up under his chin as she rubbed against him gleefully. It was times like this, looking down at her crystal green eyes and over her shoulder to her sacral dimples that Garth felt happy with his life choices.


    ¡°I know, you were right, I was wrong. I guess the old man was just having an off day or something.¡±


    ¡°Well, I¡¯ll try not to hold it against you.¡± She said, preening.


    ¡°Babe, you can hold it against me any time you want.¡± Garth said, grabbing a handful of generous buttcheek and making Sandi blush.


    A cleared throat caught Garth¡¯s attention and dragged him back to the present.


    ¡°Hmm? Oh,¡± Garth patted Sandi on the head as he stepped away and turned to greet the Guildmaster. ¡°What can I do for you, sir?¡±


    ¡°If you come with me, I¡¯d like to give you your ticket in private.¡± He said, glancing at Sandi.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll be right back.¡± Garth glanced over at Sandi. ¡°I think Junten wants a hug too.¡± She grinned and wandered off in that direction.


    Garth followed the guildmaster to a hastily constructed tent, where he watched the corio spin mana into a soundproof wall of air.


    ¡°I did what you said, remove the curse you put on me.¡±


    ¡°What curse?¡±


    ¡°The one that make apologizing feel good, you daft bastard.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not all it does, but you¡¯re a mage, you¡¯ll figure it out,¡± Garth said with a shrug. The spell wasn¡¯t hidden in the mind, since it only needed to observe behavior rather than intent, it was possible to bury it anywhere. In this case, the tough nail of the guildmaster¡¯s left hoof, where he couldn¡¯t feel a damn thing. When it was triggered, it would reach up to the brain and slam it with dopamine and fade away in the blink of an eye.


    Definitely a step up from Tyler¡¯s prototype. Not sure if it was ready for mass production yet, though.


    The old man gave him the fiercest glare he¡¯d seen in awhile before he gave a defeated sigh. ¡°What do you want from me?¡±


    ¡°Straight to the point, huh?¡± Garth said, tapping his fingers on his elbow as he thought. ¡°What is the Kinereth Paquis clan like, as far as clans go? Because I¡¯m thinking about expanding my business.¡±


    ¡°They are harsh but fair. They mercilessly kill anyone who disobeys them, and yet allow a fair amount of freedom to those who follow their rules.¡±


    Garth considered a moment.


    ¡°How would you like to negotiate a distribution agreement with them?¡± Garth asked.


    The wrinkled Corio deflated, looking like a sad sack. ¡°Honestly, I was looking forward to retiring within the year.¡±


    ¡°But you can¡¯t retire this year.¡± Garth said, aghast. ¡°The bomb I put beneath the dungeon core won¡¯t be out of range for another two years.¡±


    ¡°That was a good apology, by the way,¡± Garth said, patting the corio on the shoulder as his expression crumbled.


    The Corio buried his face in his hands for a moment, then dragged them down with a sharp inhaled, fortifying himself for the next couple years, most likely.


    ¡°Fine, but I want compensation. I was planning on enjoying the next fifteen years until I return to the gods.¡±


    ¡°You got it.¡±


    The corio nodded, staring off into the distance. ¡°Oh, right, here¡¯s your ticket.¡± He passed Garth a crimson tag with Garth¡¯s name on it.


    ¡°How¡¯d you figure out my share already?¡± Garth asked, taking the ticket. He¡¯d filled up the bins only moments before


    ¡°Simple. You brought back far more than the maximum amount of Sanatite, so the excess was confiscated and you¡¯re being given a crimson ticket, worth twenty five thousand credits in cash or sanatite.¡±


    ¡°Not sure I like this system.¡± Garth said, turning the crimson ticket over in his hand. He had a lot more than that coming in every month from L.A. and various outposts across Earth. The six weeks of work he¡¯d invested in exploring to the bottom of a valuable dungeon equaled about five days worth of income.


    ¡°Keeps industrious types like you from emptying the entire dungeon out in a single trip. Also Prevents asshat mithril and adamantine adventurers from hoarding the entire dungeon¡¯s resources for themselves. Keeps them from squatting on a small dungeon like this.¡±


    ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± Garth said, scratching his chin with the ticket. ¡°About how much does this ticket pay for?¡±


    ¡°Oh, about two kilos of Sanatite.¡±


    Garth stopped scratching his chin.


    ¡°I loaded at least a thousand into those bins.¡±


    The Guildmaster finally began to smile. ¡°I know.¡±


    Last time I work at the bottom of the supply chain, Garth thought to himself.


    ****


    Outside the Gatehouse, Garth gave the six adventurers tough wooden business cards with his location in the multiverse written down. He materialized the cards in a little puff of ash with a flourish before he handed out each one.


    ¡°If you ever feel like you¡¯re not appreciated enough, or want a good rise in social strata, feel free to visit my city,¡± Garth said. ¡°I know for a fact you¡¯re not being paid well enough here.¡±


    Garth leaned close to them. ¡°Two words. Adamantite mine,¡± he whispered. As their eyes widened, Garth pulled back with a grin. ¡°¡¯Course, it¡¯s still very young, but if certain veteran adventurers wanted to get in on the ground floor and lend their expertise towards management, that would be most welcome. I¡¯ve seen that there¡¯s a lot more to running a dungeon than simply letting adventurers run wild in there.


    Grok glanced down at the red ticket in his hand, then to the others, a thoughtful expression on his face. He looked back at Garth.


    ¡°We¡¯ll have to buy some specialized equipment and sort out our affairs, but I think I speak for all of us when I say we¡¯re interested. He glanced at Garth¡¯s card. ¡°Expect us in a month or two.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, clapping him on the shoulder before following Sandi into the Gate. ¡°Looking forward to it!¡±


    The outrageous fees paid, the Gate conductor entered in Earth outpost 3502, and pulled the lever that sent a bell through to the other side, a moment later, the bell rung on their side and the conductor waved them through.


    Garth and Sandi stepped through the portal. After the disorientation of the portal faded, they were immediately assaulted by the familiar dry desert air of outpost 3502.


    Once they were outside, Garth sat crosslegged and focused on teleporting them to L.A. He wasn¡¯t quite able to make it in one jump, but three jumps later, they appeared in front of the city gate. Garth was interested to see how much progress had been made in the month and a half he¡¯d been on honeymoon/vacation from squawling infants.


    Clark had been meaning to get together with a few of the other phytomancer children and grow an enormous wall out of a series of mutant honey locust.


    There had also been efforts to raise the mountains, redirect rivers, and create aquaducts with earth magic. When Garth had left, there had been a lot of work beginning clearing houses and unnecessary roads to make space for these projects, and he was curious to see where they each were at.


    Plus Garth was secretly imagining the welcome home party. He knew he was probably overestimating the amount of love people had for him, but it was nice to daydream.


    It wasn¡¯t quite what he was expecting.


    Garth and Sandi opened their eyes to shouts of alarm, smoke rising into the air, and people running for their lives.


    The thorny honey locust wall was cracked, and the gate was on fire. There was an enormous black Tzetin shooting what looked like a stream of liquid nitrogen at the gate while thousands of onlookers watched Jim being beaten to death by¡­Garth?


    The doppleganger was wearing a poorly fitted heavy silk yellow vest and black pants. He was paler than Garth had been originally, and he leaned over Jim, battering the jaw protector of his brother¡¯s metal helmet into a skewed mess with his bare hands.


    Standing beside him was Leanne with a corio arm, and off in the crowd Garth spotted a black haired girl watching the fight with way too much pleasure.


    In the meantime though, Jim had gone limp, and this other Garth was hauling him up by the collar of his breastplate.


    he peeled the helmet off Jim¡¯s swollen face and gave a sharktoothed grin as he wound up a finishing blow.


    Garth shouted, ¡°What the hell is going on?¡±


    His words, reinforced by Clarion Call, echoed across the entrance to his city and drew all eyes to him as he reached out with telekinesis and separated the two combatants.


    The other Garth dropped the bit of steel that had torn off in his hand like a guilty child and pointed at Jim.


    ¡°He started it.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Back from my midweek weekend. You folks probably didn''t notice much, but I spent a good twenty-eight hours on a couch watching TV. Good stuff.


    Enjoy the chapter!


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 Chapter 92: Molesting a Dragon

    ***Nega-Garth, six weeks ago.***


    ¡°God, these colors are hideous,¡± Garth said, inspecting his new outfit. ¡°I mean, I¡¯m no interior decorator, but I look like a goddamn wasp.¡± Garth grumbled for a moment, picking at the man-cleavage window before shrugging and looking back up at Rhenara. ¡°I guess you¡¯d need red skin to pull it off.¡±


    Rhenara shrugged. ¡°What¡¯s the deal with the little girl following you around?¡±


    ¡°Oh Leanne?¡± Garth asked. ¡°She¡¯s a scrappy little bastard, got her head out of the fog almost as fast as me with a little help. If she had been older and experimented with more drugs, I shudder to think how quick she might¡¯ve gotten free. We worked together at Garth-Topia, my city, until a dickhole burned the whole thing down.¡±


    She processed that for a moment, delicate black eyebrows furrowing.


    ¡°Garth-topia?¡±


    ¡°Posthumously renamed,¡± Garth said with a shrug, picking up his backpack from the bed. Dead bastards on the city council couldn¡¯t stop him from renaming it now.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Leanne shouted from the distance. ¡°Where the hell¡¯s the Gate?¡±


    ¡°Plus I always kinda wanted to be a dad. With the glassy, exhausted stare and the five-o-clock shadow? Leanne makes me think of that.¡±


    Rhenara shook her head. Apparently she didn¡¯t see how anyone could want that.


    ¡°Ah well. COMING!¡± he shouted to Leanne, heading out of Geda¡¯s personal room, the crime-lord¡¯s gold treasures jingling in the backpack. They came down the hall, entered the grand oval overlooking the lobby and walked down the marble steps, where Leanne was waiting for them at the bottom.


    ¡°Okay, where the hell is the Gate? You said he¡¯d have a Gate.¡± Leanne said, arms crossed in the center of the fanciful gilded lobby.


    ¡°Calm down, the guy was a remorseless drug smuggler shitstain on the asscrack of the planet.-¡° he turned to Rhenara. ¡°No offence.¡±


    She shrugged.


    ¡°Smuggler being the key word.¡± Garth said, reaching up to a lantern and pulling it down with a clunk. A door leading down into the darkness peeled away from the wall as if by magic. Probably was magic, Garth thought as they descended into the tunnel.


    The tunnel was completely unlit, and Garth had to summon a light above his head halfway down, spilling pale light on the stone steps. The stone was smooth and worn from decades of use, and completely undecorated, unlike the palace they had come from.


    At the bottom of the stairs, the tunnel widened out into a massive cavern the size of a football stadium, with a glowing blue portal at the center. In the blue light of the Gate, Garth could see crate after crate of illicit goods stacked on top of each other. He could smell mildew and the rot of perishables left too long.


    ¡°Looks like the black dragon syndicate a better sorting system,¡± Garth said, wrinkling his nose at the smell. Rhenara was covering her nose and turning pale. Leanne grunted and pretended not to notice to prove how tough she was.


    Garth patted her on the head for an instant before she knocked his arm aside.


    ¡°Maybe they could outsource to Amazon.¡± Garth said, glancing up at the featureless expanse of the ceiling. ¡°Get some overhead lights, pallets, steel shelves and a forklift. Shipping labels.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re dead, so what does it matter?¡± Leanne said, tromping down the path that led to the Gate.


    ¡°Just making conversation,¡± Garth said with a shrug and trotting to catch up. A glint of pale blue light off a different pattern in the distance made Garth stop in his tracks.


    ¡°Leanne, stop.¡± Garth said, putting as much Dad-Says-Right-Now into it as he could.


    Leanne halted and glanced back at Garth quizzically.


    ¡°Keep your eyes open, I think I saw something move.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    Garth closed his eyes and pulled up the memory, isolating and enhancing the brief glimmer of light that had caught his eye. It was about fifty yards away, a patch of¡­scales glimmering in the light. Moving.


    Extrapolating their size from the crates beside them and the total distance, each shiny black scale was about the size of two hands held together.


    Hmm.


    ¡°I think I figured out why they call themselves the Black Dragon Syndicate.¡± Garth whispered.


    A cacophonous rumble echoed through the chamber, and Garth¡¯s head swiveled, spotting Rhenara¡¯s arm holding some kind of lever before the entire passageway collapsed, filled with stone and dust.


    Garth heaved a sigh.


    ¡°Worth a shot anyway.¡±


    ****


    Rhenara sprinted up the stairs. Between Sass¡¯ia and the cave-in, she¡¯d have enough time to reach the rest of her family, to warn the Fen Sha clan about the terrible monster born out of a nightmare.


    She had no tears for her father or her bitch of a sister, but Bell¡­the sweet boy didn¡¯t deserve any of this. It had taken all of her years of experience bottling up her emotions and putting on a charade for her snake-pit of a family to convince the monster to spare her long enough to get the upper hand.


    She wasn¡¯t sure Sass¡¯ia would win. The monster seemed to be immortal, but if the legendary black dragon raised by the founder of their branch family could buy enough time¡­she could at least report his existence to her Clan.


    She would be deposed. A powerless girl sitting on one of the pillars of the Fen Sha clan¡¯s income would immediately be ousted and most likely killed.


    But the one who killed her brother in his bed would die.


    And that was all she cared about.


    Rhenara saw the light of the main hall through the dust choking the tunnel, and sprinted for it, her goal almost in sight. It was a short jump to the nearest clan branch from here.


    She emerged full speed from the tunnel, intending to turn left for the main door to the palace, when an iron hand grasped her by her throat.


    Her own father bodily slammed her against the wall.


    ¡°Nooo!¡± Rhenara screamed, clawing at his hands. He had been dead! His corpse had been lying in the audience room! Her cries were cut short and she felt a splash of blood escape her lips as something sharp emerged from her father¡¯s palm and bored into her throat.


    ¡°Does this feel weird for you?¡± Her father said, pressing forward and licking her blood from his wrist and her lips.


    Her vision faded, and only one thing reached her ears.


    ¡°¡¯Cuz this feels pretty weird for me.¡±


    ****


    Garth turned his attention away from the dead girl and refocused on the immediate problem. Black dragon that her father¡¯s memories had conveniently omitted. Maybe he had some kind of memory self-destruct so people couldn¡¯t gain the clan¡¯s info?


    In any case, the immediate problem was the huge cracks trailing up the ceiling. Damn girl had pushed the self-destruct button, and it was all coming down.


    Garth would be fine. He was currently eating the girl¡¯s corpse upstairs, but Leanne needed looking after, and Garth didn¡¯t want to have to look for another Gate that could take them to the other side of the known multiverse.


    ¡°The Gate!¡± Garth screamed, pointing at the shimmering blue portal. As they ran, he scraped up all the mana he could, funneling it into his own body until every fiber of his being felt like it was crackling with energy.


    There was no way the black dragon would let them get there unmolested.


    So Garth would molest it back.


    As if on cue, the black dragon reared up in front of Leanne, scattering wooden crates to the four corners of the collapsing cavern.


    It had the form of a sleek black snake fifty feet long, dancing through the air on a cloud of seemingly chaotic mana. Its scales were shining with the reflected blue of the Gate, appearing to be lit by neon lights in the darkness of the cavern. It was a very pretty snake.


    Without any more ado, The aura under the dragon launched it forward, leaping toward Leanne.


    Leanne jumped out of the way, delivering a blow against the dragon¡¯s scales as she sailed through the air. There was a squeal of tortured metal as sparks flew up from the impact. The dragon turned its head without a single pause and followed Leanne¡¯s flying body.


    Whoops, Garth thought, launching forward and activating his plan. Supercharged with an abundance of mana, Garth grew eight feet of height and an extra pair of arms as he charged. He had originally planned on turning into something a little spikier, but something a bit like a four-armed King Cong seemed like the right choice when it¡¯s scales were that hard.


    Wish it didn¡¯t hurt so much.


    Garth rammed into the dragon¡¯s head and seized it in a feral grip, pulling it away from Leanne.


    ¡°Set the coordinates!¡± Garth roared as the massive snake looped around his arm and pulled its head free, aiming to bite his neck. He blocked it with another hand, catching the two foot fangs just short of Garth¡¯s face. ¡°I¡¯ll catch up!¡±


    The dragon saw Leanne break into a sprint for the gate, and peeled away from Garth, soaring through the air on a cloud of brilliant green-blue mana and homing in on her.


    ¡°Not so fast.¡± Garth said, arresting its flight with four hands securely grabbing its wriggling form.


    It yanked to a stop, and the dragon¡¯s head turned to look back at him with what he could swear was indignant anger in its brilliant green eyes.


    ¡°C¡¯mon, you can¡¯t leave me alone on the dance floor,¡± Garth said, sucking in more mana and hardening his skin into armored plates while enormous mantis claws burst out of his back. One good stick in those peepers, and this fight would be over.


    The Dragon gave him a silent stare for a moment, brows seemingly furrowed in concentration. A boulder the size of a car missed them by a few arm¡¯s lengths.


    A brilliant white light coalesced on the dragon¡¯s forehead as all the mana in the nearest twenty feet was emptied. The damn thing made a Lantern.


    Garth¡¯s transformations halted in their tracks as his mana supply was cut off.


    ¡°Oh, you just had to make this harder on yourself.¡± Garth muttered, leaping forward and grappling the giant snake¡¯s head.


    It squirmed out of his grasp, but not before he¡¯d slammed its head against the boulder twice. Unfortunately, it still had the damned lantern on its forehead.


    The snake mouth yawned wide and Garth spotted a flash of light from the miniature star, just before a blast of caustic green goop flooded out of it¡¯s mouth and covered Garth from head to toe.


    Pain dominated Garth¡¯s consciousness, and he barely managed to reroute processing through the Garth upstairs long enough to slough off most of his outer flesh, consuming it for scraps of energy to transform.


    The dragon seemed surprised when a human-sized, spiky Garth launched out of its enemy¡¯s chest with all the force of a cannon, catching the snake in the mouth.


    ¡°Nice trick, wanna see mine?¡± Garth said, stabbing the creature in the mouth and injecting himself into its flesh, a long wormy parasite intent on burrowing through every single vital organ the creature had.


    The dragon snapped its head to the side violently, jettisoning Garth from its mouth and glaring at him.


    The black snake made to blast him again, when it registered an instant of confusion before it began to writhe in pain, its Lantern dropped. The fifty foot snake hit the ground when it lost control of its flight, crushing crates of cargo and flattening steel carts as it writhed in pain.


    Garth didn¡¯t let the opportunity slip by. He leapt forward, gaining size and weight, creating one massive crablike arm that erupted from his chest. In a matter of seconds, the arm dwarfed Garth, the powerful muscles seizing the dragon behind the head and squeezing the life out of it. Just a little more and he¡¯d pop it¡¯s head off through sheer pressure, beating his parasite to the punch.


    Then it spoke.


    ¡°I yield! Have mercy on this one! On my honor!¡±


    The dragon¡¯s voice was that of a young woman, but not too high and cutesy. Just a scosh husky and yet it cut through the cacophony of raining boulders like a knife. Garth had a sudden image of the woman on the other side of the voice. Raven haired and sassy.


    I want it.


    Second time¡¯s the charm, right?


    Garth told the parasite to stop until further notice, then grew some beefy dragging legs, hauling the dragon with him towards the gate, shielding his catch from the raining rocks.


    A boulder twice the size of his head flattened Garth¡¯s skull, and he just kept dragging, shrugging off the wound. It hadn¡¯t even cost him very much flesh.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± Leanne said when she saw the monsterous, flat-headed crab-man approaching the Gate with a limp black snake twice as long as most people¡¯s houses.


    ¡°Always worth a shot.¡± Garth replied in a garbled, bloody mess.


    ¡°Whatever, just don¡¯t fucking get your juices on me,¡± Leanne said, leaping through the Gate.


    Freakin teens, Garth thought, bundling up the dragon and shoving it through before leaping into the portal.


    Oh, neat, I can still communicate across realities, Garth thought, simultaneously present in Geda¡¯s mansion and on the other hemisphere. Maybe it was the Kipling in him.


    Welp, can¡¯t leave a bunch of interrogatable corpses, he thought, picking up the other teenage girl and heading for the incinerator, whistling and setting fire to the palace as he walked.


    A minute later, he threw her in the furnace, then jumped in himself.


    ****


    ¡°I was honor-bound to protect the Faren family¡¯s secrets, but the end of their line makes the promise invalid. Since I have surrendered to you, you may name your terms.¡±


    They were standing in a thicket outside an outpost on a no-name planet Geda had used as a staging point for distributing to the other hemisphere. Thick forest and tall mountains made the visibility atrocious. Perfect for smuggling.


    The air was muggy and Garth found himself absorbing biting insects with startling regularity. Served the little bastards right.


    ¡°I can make you do anything?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Obviously you can¡¯t make me do something that I would rather die than do.¡± The wounded dragon said, her head cocked to the side.


    ¡°I want¡­¡± Garth said, tapping his chin.


    ¡°Dragonskin boots?¡± Leanne offered.


    ¡°Shush.¡±


    ¡°How about this.¡± Garth said. ¡°You follow me around in the form of my choosing for the rest of my short, miserable mortal life, and once I pass away, you are totally free. Of course there¡¯s a bunch of errata where you don¡¯t betray me or do me harm, but that¡¯s kind of in context, don¡¯t you think? Wait, are you kind of an honorable fill-in the blanks sort, or a genie ¡®gotta be exact or you get monkey-pawed¡¯ type?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about, but why would I dishonor myself by killing the one who spared me?¡±


    ¡°Good enough.¡± Garth said. ¡°Do we have a deal?¡±


    ¡°What form?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Relax, it won¡¯t be a squirrel or cow or anything.¡± Garth said with his most winning smile, gathering the mana for his transmutation spell. Garth didn¡¯t get the opportunity to use it too often, but shaping bodies just came naturally to him, whether it was his own, or others.


    He wasn¡¯t called a fleshweaver for nothing.


    It was simply more practical in combat to enhance his own flesh rather than pin someone down and take the time to alter them. If he had them at his mercy, and that much time, he could simply kill them.

 Chapter 93: Looking as Dangerous as possible

    They¡¯d landed at a hub of travel and it had only taken a few short jumps and a lot of cash to make it to Earth. The other Earth. Luckily Garth had looted the palace.


    I wonder what they call the two hemispheres? North and South or something? It¡¯s not like those concepts have much meaning. You can turn a map upside down after all. Obviously this is the southern hemisphere.


    Another four weeks of wandering Earth and he¡¯d heard the rumor that someone was rebuilding L.A. and the surrounding countryside. It was supposedly one spot where humanity was rebuilding itself.


    Not the only place. There were a few places up north, The Finnish, someone in Detroit, a tyrant in South Africa, and of course, a few bastions of humanity in China, where the sheer quantity of people guaranteed some kind of resistance.


    Garth didn¡¯t hear anything about Japan, but there were most likely some eighteen year olds inexplicably competent in the ways of the apocalypse. At least if the stereotypes held.


    Garth chose to head to L.A. because the weather would be nice and the people would speak English.


    All Garth had to do after that was make some enormous stilt-legs on a millipede-like body after assimilating a few dozen wild animals to cruise along at sixty miles an hour, crossing America while riding on himself.


    His self-mount rapidly lost mass as they crossed the desert, consuming itself to carry all three of them across the dust-covered highways packed with abandoned cars.


    Once they hit Outpost 3502, they got directions to L.A. which was surprisingly to follow the road. Surprising because the Outpost itself was miles off the highway, but had a solid, concrete-like road as wide as an eight-lane highway leading right up to its gate, as if it had always been there.


    On their way outside the gate, Garth lead Horse Garth, who had shifted to the shape of a horse to be inconspicuous, while Leanne and the black dragon followed.


    ¡°Come on Sassy, there¡¯s only a dozen miles or so to go until we get to the mountain.¡± Garth said, glancing back at the black skinned woman with exotic features, perfectly straight black hair and brilliant green eyes.


    Kind of a Queen of the Nile look. Not bad, Garth.


    Sass gave him a glare, wobbling forward one step at a time as he congratulated himself. ¡°I haven¡¯t been in this body long enough to even master walking and now you want me to carry a backpack and wear clothes. And my name is Sass¡¯ia.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a pet name, humans do it all the time.¡±


    ¡°I am not a pet.¡±


    ¡°Debatable,¡± Leanne said as they walked, her Corio arm hidden behind a long leather sleeve.


    ¡°Watch your tone, child. The great Sass¡¯ia did not surrender to you.¡± Sass got distracted and tripped over her own foot, falling on her face.


    ¡°Legs are STUPID!¡± She screamed into the ground, pounding the concrete with her fists. ¡°Two legs are stupider!¡± Garth found the meltdown amusing until he noticed the fist-marks she was leaving in the concrete.


    ¡°Ease up.¡± Garth said, picking her up and setting her back on her feet like a toppled action figure. Horse Garth chewed his cud and watched with amusement. He was doing such a good job pretending to be a horse he¡¯d even caught Leanne treating him like one, and not to be sarcastic either.


    Well, if I ever need a job, I can always get one being a beast of burden. Pay¡¯s lousy though.


    ¡°Can I please just fly?¡± she asked, tears in her eyes.


    ¡°Sorry Sass, I¡¯ve let you fly or ride the last four weeks and you haven¡¯t gotten any better at walking. We gotta get you used to your body as soon as possible so you can blend in.¡±


    She whimpered quietly.


    ¡°Gah, okay, I can put your backpack on Wilbur, okay?¡± Garth said, taking the straps off her shoulders as Horse Garth nickered and grazed on some desert brush. It wasn¡¯t so bad with a body built to eat it.


    ¡°Garth, my shoulders hurt.¡± Leanne said, pouting with watering eyes.


    ¡°Nice try.¡±


    ¡°Worth a shot.¡±


    Garth took Sass¡¯s hand and helped her walk until she got her stride.


    An hour later it was still a bit jerky but as long as nothing unexpected happened, she was able to walk without assistance.


    ¡°Look at that. You¡¯re doing great.¡± Garth said, giving her a thumbs up.


    ¡°The balance is atrocious. And these,¡± she cupped her breasts, holding them out to Garth. ¡°What the hell are these for, anyway? They¡¯re throwing off everything.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re a part that female humans use to distract and intimidate their prey, disguising their deadly nature with soft, pillowy distractions before they strike with their hidden claws...¡±


    ¡°Ah, I see.¡± She nodded, then frowned.


    Leanne simply stared at Garth with her mouth open, slowly shaking her head. Garth shrugged.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have claws, though?¡±


    ¡°Try flexing the muscles in your hand in weird ways.¡±


    ¡°Oh, oh wow!¡± Sassy said, admiring the single razor sharp claw that half emerged from a sheath in her forearm. She experimented and flexed her hand and rolled her wrist, gradually getting control over it.


    ¡°That¡¯s why male humans are awed and afeared of females with bigger chests and hips, because those are clear indicators of their ferocity.¡± Garth said, nodding sagely.


    Leanne¡¯s jaw dropped.


    My god, this is too much fun.


    ¡°Am I intimidating for a human woman? Do my chest and hips reflect my dangerousness?¡± Sassy asked eagerly.


    ¡°Not really, I didn¡¯t want you to make anyone afraid of you.¡±


    ¡°They should be! The legendary Sass¡¯ia wants them to know how much they have to fear! I can¡¯t stand the thought of seeming like a weakling everywhere I go. Make them bigger.¡±


    ¡°If you insist.¡± Garth said, choking back a laugh.


    ¡°Oh my god!¡± Leanne said, storming off up the hill. They were starting to ascend the mountain, following the road perfectly cut into the mountain. The walls were smooth, a clear sign of Earth magic being used. Whoever was in charge was doing a pretty good job. Rome was built on roads, after all.


    ¡°Keep Wilbur company for a moment,¡± Garth said, hustling to catch up with Leanne.


    ¡°Too much?¡± Garth said as he caught up with Leanne.


    ¡°I don¡¯t care about her.¡± Leanne spat, looking at him with real anger in her eyes.


    ¡°Then what?¡±


    ¡°You know I¡¯m never going to grow up right?¡±


    ¡°And?¡±


    Leanne hesitated for a minute, then glanced back at Sass making wobbly poses with her forearm claws.


    ¡°Can you do the same for me? Make me look older?¡± Garth saw real desperation in her eyes. She was starting to realize her lot in the universe.


    ¡°Oh. Sure. On one condition.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not gonna make you look older than you are, so ask me again in a couple years.¡±


    She thought about it for a moment, chewing her lip. Leanne nodded.


    ¡°Fine. Deal.¡± She offered her hand, and Garth took it.


    ¡°Check this out!¡± Sass said behind them, drawing their attention as she began spinning in a circle with her claws extended, before tripping and falling, landing in the dusty road again. Thankfully she didn¡¯t break one of the claws off. That would be painful.


    ¡°Think you could throw in some of those claws?¡± Leanne asked, looking back at him.


    ¡°Hell, I could do that right now.¡± Garth said. ¡°You¡¯re gonna want to eat something first, though.¡±


    *****


    On the other side of the mountain, they saw a massive, thorny wall half-built around the bowl that was being rebuilt out of the abandoned wreck of L.A. The road wound down the mountain until it reached a massive wooden gate that seemed to be grown in place out of a hinged¡­tree.


    Weird.


    Garth heard chittering behind him, and glanced over his shoulder.


    He and his horse self nearly jumped out of their skin at the sight of the ten foot tall ant-person plodding along the road, waving at them.


    ¡°What the hell is that?¡± Leanne said, tensing.


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s on a road, wearing gear and not attacking, soo¡­person?¡± Garth said.


    ¡°It¡¯s a Tzetin.¡± Sass said. ¡°They¡¯re harmless simpletons.¡±


    ¡°Like you,¡± Leanne said, dodging out of Sass¡¯s strike.


    When it arrived, the Tzetin looked down at them, chittering in its strange language for a moment.


    Garth simply shook his head. the common American expression of ¡®I have no Idea what you¡¯re saying.¡¯ Maybe he could eat it and absorb it¡¯s neural network for controlling six limbs. Garth had felt a little clunky in that last fight.


    The Tzetin cocked its head to the side in confusion a moment, then fished around in its bag, retrieving a bracelet which it slipped onto its thumb in an awkward fit.


    ¡°Hello there, strange to see a human without a Status Band in these parts.¡±


    ¡°They don¡¯t agree with me,¡± Garth said. ¡°Pleased to meet you, my name¡¯s Garth.¡±


    The Tzetin went still a moment, antennae wiggling before it spoke. ¡°Is Garth a common name on Earth?¡±


    ¡°On this part of the world, kinda, why?¡±


    ¡°I know another one, my friend should be in this city.¡± It nodded toward the gates below.


    ¡°Neat.¡± Wonder if it¡¯s my doppleganger. Garth pondered for a moment. His out-of-shape body probably didn¡¯t stand that great of a chance of making it through the apocalypse. This guy was most likely someone else. But¡­ it never hurt to check.


    ¡°I am Itet¡¯chi¡¯zzt.¡±


    ¡°Can I call you Itet?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Do you remember what your friend Garth¡¯s last name was?¡±


    ¡°You may. His last name is Daniels. He made the city, I¡¯m told.¡±


    There¡¯s thousands of Garth Daniels. It could be some other dude. A twinkle of light caught the corner of his eye, and he glanced over, spotting a Wizard Tower made from wood, sticking out of the side of the mountain and overlooking the entire city.


    Yeeaaah, it¡¯s me.


    Well, any friend of mine is a friend of mine, Garth though, shelving the notion of eating the giant bug person.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll have some business to work out with this Garth fellow. Wanna join us on the trip to the city Gate?¡±


    The Tzetin sized up the distance between where they stood and the gate to the city.


    It looked at Sass, awkwardly swinging her arms to stabilize herself.


    ¡°I¡¯ll hold you a place in line.¡± The Tzetin nodded and started down the mountain, it¡¯s huge legs carrying it faster than a human could sprint.


    By the time they got to the gate, the Tzetin was second in line from the gate, about to be inspected. Sass was resting her new leg muscles on Wilbur¡¯s back as they navigated the stream of humanity, almost attracting as much attention for her exotic appearance as Itet was.


    At the gate, wagons of food and building supplies, pots, pans, guns, blankets, raw fabric streamed into the city, and on the way out, wagon after wagon left the gate filled to the brim with stacked of something packaged in heavy paper, looking a bit like sugar packages, but without labelling.


    There were a few other things, bunches of what looked like green bamboo, big chilled tubs, and other odd sundries, but most of what left the city were the brown paper packages.


    Curious, Garth sidled up next to one of the wagons and sharpened his finger, slicing his finger into one of the packages and pulling a spoonful out. A white powder.


    Garth nibbled on a bit of it. The strange acrid taste filled his mouth in an instant before he spat it out.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± he muttered, still spitting as he watched the wagon continue on.


    ¡°What do you think you¡¯re doing?¡± A voice demanded, spinning him around to look at a handsome, shaved face with a chiseled physique, standing a good four inches taller than him. Something about him was kinda familiar¡­


    ¡°Garth?¡± the man said, his brows furrowed, eyes widening.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Garth Daniels?¡± Who the hell is this guy?


    ¡°Uhhuh?¡± Garth said, watching him warily.


    ¡°It¡¯s Jim. Your brother. You¡¯re not purple anymore? Did something happen? You okay?¡±


    Garth¡¯s tongue went numb.


    Jim. Brother. Garth searched himself for any memory of that, and couldn¡¯t place it. The name was familiar, though.


    ¡°Doebent ring a beee.¡± Garth said as the numbness spread through his mouth. His senses began to tingle as his decentralized nervous system began to fire rapidly. He could feel his heart beginning to hammer in his chest.


    Jim¡¯s brows furrowed and he took a good look in Garth¡¯s eyes, searching for something. He placed his hand on Garth¡¯s forehead and closed his eyes.


    ¡°Do you remember mom, dad?¡±


    Garth searched his mind. He should remember a mom and a dad. But he didn¡¯t. This must all be pieces of his core that got ripped out with the Kipling. Interesting. Maybe this Jim fellow could help him fill in the blanks.


    ¡°Natalie?¡±


    Garth¡¯s hand shot forward reflexively as a wave of outrage swept over him as something clicked back into place. Call it a hanging puzzle piece of the person he used to be, clinging to the gaping wound left when he ejected the core of his being. It was the piece that hated his brother, and it was fixed back into that place with that one name.


    Garth caught Jim in the nose and sent him sprawling backward twenty feet.


    ***


    ¡°And then we scuffled around, he lit some fires, I beat on him a little bit, Itet started putting the fires out, and then you showed up.¡± The Kipling Garth said, glancing around Garth¡¯s tower, seemingly unconcerned and totally calm.


    ¡°And wow, you really are purple.¡±


    Garth sat across from him, heart pounding.


    ¡°You made Jim look like a bitch.¡± Which was pretty extraordinary because Jim was supposed to be the chosen one. Once he woke up, they¡¯d have to ask him what happened.


    ¡°Jim is a bitch.¡±


    The two of them reached across the table and high-fived.

 Chapter 94: Doppleganger Faux Pas

    ***Purple Garth***


    In the largest room of his wizard tower, Garth arranged a massive circular table.


    ¡°We bring this, the first annual meeting of the Order of Transhemispheric Doppleganger Twins, to order.¡± Garth said, clacking his gavel against the table before allowing it to turn to ash. ¡°Let the record show that we have non-members present.¡± Jim, Sam, Sandi, Itet, Clark and Paul watched the Garths with wide-eyed awe. Or maybe it was shock at seeing grown men wearing robes and wigs.


    ¡°Noted.¡± Garth¡¯s doppleganger said, using a typewriter to act as the stenographer.


    Garth cleared his throat and read from his script. ¡°On the docket for today¡¯s proceedings, we have:


    ¡°Garth, are you really gonna let a kipling run around as much as he wants just because you get a kick out of it being your evil twin? We should lock it up, if not kill it outright. I punched that thing hard enough to cave in his skull and it didn¡¯t do shit!¡± Jim said, standing up and pointing at Member A with a scowl. Rude.


    ¡°Let the record show that Jim did not have the floor.¡±


    ¡°Noted, member one.¡±


    ¡°What the hell?¡±


    ¡°Jim, I¡¯ve studied clich¨¦ long enough to know that stupid mistrust, suspicions, and secrets are what cause almost every doppleganger to turn evil.¡± Garth said. Treating your clone like shit never worked out well for anyone.


    ¡°Yeah, read a book Jim.¡± Evil Garth said.


    ¡°You said he wants to eat people!¡±


    ¡°An excellent example of putting all my cards on the table.¡± Evil Garth said with a shrug. ¡°Builds trust.¡±


    ¡°indeed, with these uncertain times, the fact is people are already dying left and right. Evil Garth doesn¡¯t want to kill people, he just wants to eat them. I¡¯m sure we can create a system that will supply his needs from the military or adventurers.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°You just called him Evil Garth!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s why we have item three on the docket, Jim, pay attention.¡± Evil Garth said, rolling his eyes.


    ¡°Fuck this!¡± Jim shouted and stormed out of the room.


    The silence hung in the air for a moment after Jim¡¯s outburst.


    ¡°Finally.¡± Evil Garth said, swigging a bottle of water before returning to his typewriter.


    ¡°I thought he¡¯d never leave.¡± Garth said, massaging the back of his neck. These wigs were heavy and overheating his brain.


    ¡°I¡¯d like to add a motion to remove dress requirements to the docket.¡±


    ¡°Seconded.¡±


    The two of them tore their wigs and robes off.


    That done, Garth manifested another gavel and clacked it against the table again.


    ¡°Alright, before we move on to the first item on the docket, I¡¯d like to open the floor for comments. Would anyone like to add anything?¡±


    ¡°How do we know this Garth isn¡¯t going to hurt our children? Isn¡¯t he dangerous?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°Everyone¡¯s dangerous.¡± Garth said. ¡°I saw Kristen glass a section of the desert with a ball of fire bigger than a house. Your kids are as likely to be hurt by Evil Garth as they are to be caught up in a magic accident. Less likely, actually. Evil Garth¡¯s going to be on his best behavior.¡±


    ¡°I guess my question is, how do you know he doesn¡¯t have the desire to hurt people? Behavior notwithstanding.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll field this one,¡± Evil Garth said, addressing Paul. ¡°When whatever Kipling have was planted in me, I tore it out, along with a lot of who I was before. Your Garth doesn¡¯t have a desire to hurt children in the first place, so there¡¯s no combination of things you could remove from his personality to make him want to do that. I¡¯m the same guy, just missing a few bits and pieces. None of that makes me want to hurt anyone.¡±


    ¡°Plus the eating people.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a side effect of having my body changed by the kipling.¡±


    ¡°Last question,¡± Paul said, crossing his beefy arms. ¡°Can you survive without eating people?¡±


    Garth glanced over at his evil twin, who tapped his fingers in an eerily familiar way as he considered the question. That was something Garth had wondered as well.


    ¡°Probably.¡± He gritted out.


    ¡°Well-¡°


    ¡°But, I do exhibit withdrawal-like symptoms after a couple weeks. I wouldn¡¯t vouch for my own behavior once that starts.¡±


    Paul grunted and sat back down.


    ¡°Should we add a possible rehab to the docket?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°A relapse might get someone killed. Be safer to feed me a corpse every month. Tastier too.¡±


    ¡°And what do the non-members think?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m with Evil Garth on that one. A junkie is dangerous and unstable when they¡¯re jonesing. Keep him stable if you¡¯re gonna keep him around.¡± Paul said.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think people are going to be happy being fed to a monster posthumously.¡± Clark said.


    ¡°Pay people¡¯s families a premium for organ donors.¡± Evil Garth said with a shrug. ¡°It worked in my city.¡±


    ¡°your city?¡± Sandi asked.


    ¡°Garth-topia in the northern hemisphere.¡±


    Clark blinked. ¡°Well now I¡¯m convinced it¡¯s the same guy.¡±


    ¡°All right,¡± Garth said, banging the gavel and drawing attention to himself. ¡°This sounds like we¡¯re discussing item two on the docket. Let¡¯s hold this conversation until we¡¯ve cleared item one: Integrating Evil Garth into the workforce.¡±


    ¡°What kind of job would you like?¡± he said, glancing at his doppleganger. ¡°Maybe something in the military to put you closer to the corpses?¡±


    ¡°I would have taken that offer a while ago, but I realized recently that I could do a lot of good for people as a physician-plastic surgeon-physical therapist-women¡¯s self-defense instructor.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a lot of slashes. And I¡¯m a little concerned about the last one,¡± Samantha said, the ex-nurse frowning as she studied Evil Garth.


    ¡°And you are, miss?¡±


    ¡°Samantha.¡±


    ¡°Samantha, you are a good example of what I could offer. You¡¯re looking a little long in the tooth. Do you have any age related aches or pains?¡±


    ¡°My hands are pretty fucked up from thirty years of washing them fifty times a day, and my knees are running out of cartilage.¡±


    ¡°May I?¡±


    Sam considered it a moment, before nodding.


    ¡°Knock yourself out.¡±


    Evil Garth glanced around a moment, seeing that no one objected before he returned his attention to Sam. ¡°This is gonna hurt a bit.¡± He waved his hand and Garth watched incredibly fine thread of mana tug out of the weave of the surroundings before sinking into Sam¡¯s hands and presumably her knees beneath the table.


    To her credit, the older woman didn¡¯t even flinch or wince, taking the pain in stoic silence.


    In front of them, the gnarled hands smoothed, seemingly regressing years of age.


    ¡°I rebuilt the cartilage in your knees, smoothed down some bone spurs, and took the liberty of making your skin softer.¡± Evil Garth said, leaning back in his chair. ¡°Needless to say I can fix pretty much any ailment, with the possible exception of auto-immune diseases.¡±


    Sam stared at her hands for a moment, opening and closing them. She looked at Evil Garth, then stood and raised a knee to her chest before extending it.


    ¡°If my knees are the same a week from now, then I¡¯m convinced,¡± she said, sitting back down.


    ¡°Is that permanent?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Well, they¡¯ll probably come back in twenty years or so.¡±


    ¡°The spell.¡±


    ¡°Oh, yeah, that¡¯s permanent.¡±


    As far as Garth was aware, there wasn¡¯t a spell for changing people permanently, and he¡¯d looked. It was only by manipulating a loophole that he¡¯d managed to do what he had on himself. Interesting stuff.


    Did Evil Garth¡­have a patron?


    ¡°Doctor it is.¡± Garth said. ¡°Provided you study medicine and have Samantha supervise you for a probationary period of no less than a year.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough,¡± Evil Garth said with a shrug.


    ¡°Alright, on to item two on the docket. I believe it¡¯s been discussed at length, and so I suggest we move the issue to the city council to arrange the funding for an organ donor incentive.¡±


    ¡°Why would anyone be an organ donor? Nobody¡¯s got the equipment or training to transplant organs?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°I can do it.¡± Evil Garth said. ¡°Easily. Arms, legs, hearts, lungs, whatever you need.¡±


    ¡°Alright, as long as more people than this one guy are benefitting from this, I¡¯m on board.¡± Clark said. ¡°I¡¯ll bring it up to the council.¡±


    ¡°Thanks,¡± Garth said. ¡°Now, Item three, what do we call our dopplegangers?¡±


    ¡°I think he looks like a Kit¡¯chit.¡± Itet said.


    ¡°No.¡± Both Garths said as one.


    ¡°Personally I feel we shouldn¡¯t change either of our names. Names are tied to your identity. If you change it, you change who you are. And I¡¯m already pretty messed up.¡± Evil Garth said.


    ¡°Agreed, but how about a title¡­Dr. Garth?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Considering the profession you¡¯ve chosen.¡±


    ¡°Hah, not Dr. Daniels?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure one of them rolls off the tongue better.¡±


    ¡°I like it,¡± Evil Garth said with a grin.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, organizing and shuffling his stack of papers. ¡°Cruising right along. Now we have to decide which one of us wears the bizarro goatee.¡±


    Sam stood and left the room, followed by Paul and Clark. They walked through the open wooden arch that seemed to be melted into the wooden wall and took the stairs down to the ground floor of Garth¡¯s tower.


    ¡°These people have no idea what¡¯s important,¡± Evil Garth said, shaking his head solemnly.


    ¡°First question.¡± Garth said. ¡°Can you still grow facial hair?¡±


    **** Later that day****


    ¡°I¡¯m an uncle!¡± Dr. Daniels said, picking up one of the chubby purple infants with a grin. ¡°Awesome!¡±


    Lucy stared at him in confusion a moment before her expression reached Zen, dropping a load in her diaper.


    ¡°¡­And I¡¯m done,¡± he said, handing the baby back to Ms. Banyan.


    ¡°It¡¯s only been six months dude! You work fast!¡± Dr. Daniels said, rounding on Garth with a grin.


    ¡°I know, I¡¯m pretty proud of myself.¡± Garth said with a chuckle. He glanced around. No one else was with them besides Ms. Banyan.


    Garth wrapped them in a bell of solid air, preventing any sound from escaping their conversation. Hopefully Dr. Daniels wouldn¡¯t fly off the handle like he had with Jim. Garth pretended to be at ease, but every time he saw the shark-toothed grin on his own face, it took everything he had to maintain eye contact.


    ¡°I wanted to ask,¡± Garth said, spotting Dr. Daniel¡¯s eye following the movement of mana around them.


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°What made you abandon your Earth?¡± If there was some kind of planet-busting apocalypse weapon, Garth felt like he should know about it. Dr. Daniels relaxed at the question. Was he expecting an attack?


    ¡°A Kipling destroyed my city and swore to kill me. I felt like a change of scenery would be a good idea.¡±


    ¡°Does he know where you are?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Not a chance, and even if he did, I¡¯m a lot more dangerous now than I was when he pushed me off my turf, ever since I got my class and Patron.¡±


    Garth met his eye for a silent moment before speaking. ¡°I can¡¯t abandon this place. I¡¯m putting down roots, starting a family. If your trouble follows you here, I hope you know that you¡¯re putting your family at risk too.¡±


    Dr. Daniels gave him a cold stare, eyes narrowed. He glanced at the babies in Ms. Banyan¡¯s arms.


    ¡°I understand, I¡¯ll fight to my last ounce of blood for this place if it comes to that.¡±


    ¡°Good enough,¡± Garth said, nodding. ¡°Now, what was that about a Patron? I didn¡¯t think Kipling could have them?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m something else.¡± Dr. Daniels gave a sharktoothed grin. ¡°I¡¯ll show you mine if you show me yours.¡±


    ¡°Garth Daniels, Phytomancer, Apostle of Beladia.¡± Garth spread his palm and focused on a tiny mote of life floating above his skin and kindled it into a miniature bonzai. ¡°Goddess of Nature, Love, Fertility, and Home.¡±


    ¡°That explains the kids.¡± Dr Daniels said, holding out his own hand. ¡°Garth Daniels, Fleshweaver, Apostle of Kuragor, God of Chaos, Mutability, Perversion, and Rebirth.¡±


    The hair on the back of Garth¡¯s neck stood up as a small finger pushed its way through the center of his doppleganger¡¯s palm, then four more, followed by another hand, and another, until there was a fleshy ¡®palm tree¡¯ jutting out of the man¡¯s hand in a grotesque mockery of his own bonzai, leaf-fingers twitching as if in the wind.


    ¡°A utility ability, I like it.¡± Dr. Daniels said, retracting the flesh back into his hand and shaking it as if working out a cramp.


    ¡°I would have picked something with a bit more range.¡± Garth said, allowing the banzai to return to ash.


    ¡°Me too, but I didn¡¯t have a choice.¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not complaining. I¡¯ve made the most of it.¡±


    There was something Dr. Daniels wasn¡¯t telling him. Garth wasn¡¯t totally familiar with his own body language, but he¡¯d never been great at lying until he¡¯d become an apostle of Pala.


    It was all fair, because Dr. Daniels was covered in motes of dust ready to spring into flesh eating roots, and Garth was fairly sure the man was hiding his own trump card.


    Garth looked him in the eye, pursed his lips and nodded. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s get you and your crew set up with a place to call home already. I¡¯ve got to earmark land for Itet¡¯s hive after this.¡±


    Macronomicon


    There we go, the three chapters I owe for that weeklong dry spell.


    Please don''t take it poorly, but due to job scheduling, it may come in three chapter chunks from now on, but still 3 a week, so you should be okay. On average.


    As always, Patreon is way ahead. How far, you ask? Umm.. lemme do some quick Math... 51 chapters ahead.


    And it''s been a week, so please Vote! It is incredibly helpful!

 Chapter 95: Intermission #1: Outskirts with Jamal

    Jamal found a quiet spot on the side of the mountain and rummaged through his backpack. He was having lunch early, but it wasn¡¯t like there was anyone keeping tabs on his time card. Jamal had worked at Freddie¡¯s once, with people telling you when you could eat, leave, shit, all with the droning of crappy music on the radio.


    ¡°Speaking of the radio,¡± Jamal muttered, pulling out the wooden box nestled on the top of his backpack. Jamal had sprung for the deluxe version with the lifetime warranty. The damn thing was made out of wood and gold scrollwork that would outlast him, and soaked in a sanantite bath until the heavy radio would mend minor dings on its own. Jamal was planning on giving it to his son.


    In just a year and a half, they¡¯d come so far.


    Garth had compared it to the eighteen hundreds, when scientists were changing the world left and right, when electricity came into it¡¯s own. Movies, radio, medicine. Somebody had already figured out radio.


    Jamal flipped the switch to turn the speakers on, then dialed in his favorite station before returning to his backpack and retrieving one of Jess¡¯s tuna sandwiches. Jamal turned back and looked out over the bowl as the sound of Disturbed made the local wildlife flee the area. Jamal took a bite of his sandwich, admiring his sheer altitude.


    Jamal was working as an engineer for the mountain raising project. His job was to head out to areas earmarked by the survey team and raise or lower the mountain to the determined elevation.


    Other people were feeling the pinch of privatization, but not Jamal. He worked for the State. As the population of L.A. exploded the government had been forced to move from shares to a more nuanced economy, and that had caught a few people off guard. They were getting through it though, since anybody with two legs or two hands could find work. Even semi-competent Disc jockeys.


    The music ended as he was working through the second half of his sandwich, and an advertisement came on the air.


    Dr. Daniels all-purpose clinic invites you to come down for a check-up. There¡¯s no reason to suffer through the aches and pains of old age in silent dignity. Kick that shit to the curb. Minor arthritis cured for as low as a hundred credits. Full body streamlining for just a thousand credits. Cancer? Gone. Ulcers? Gone.


    You don¡¯t have to be sick to swing by. We offer enhancement for any major organ for just two hundred credits. Never be short of breath again with a lung adjustment! Lift like the scwartznegger! Have the body you¡¯ve always dreamed of! It¡¯s a new era, why not have a new you!? Skin color, fifty credits, height, five hundred credits, facial structure, one hundred credits, Body sculpting for as low as three hundred credits!


    You one of those sick furry fucks? We¡¯ve got nonhuman packages starting as low as two thousand credits. Think people will stare and laugh? Think again! There¡¯s so many goddamn aliens out there, You¡¯d be a drop in the bucket.


    Dr. Daniels. Be who you wanna be!


    Jamal shook his head and chuckled, turning off the radio and packing up his lunch. Just two years ago, he would have never heard an ad like that on the radio.


    Just two years ago, he was a hair¡¯s breadth from dropping his life to run away from the mounting pressure of adulthood. The strangest thing was, he had more responsibility than he¡¯d ever had before, and yet somehow he felt¡­freer.


    If this had been two years ago, and he¡¯d knocked Jess up, who knows what might have happened? He might have followed his dad¡¯s example and flown the coop. As much as he hated the bastard, it was the only example for how to deal with his problems that he¡¯d ever had.


    But now? Now there was nowhere to run to that wasn¡¯t a lawless wasteland, he had a decent job, a pension plan, and only worked a five hour day. His kids were taken care of, and he was happy. No reason to run.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Jamal said, picking up his survey tools and a pad of paper, calculating the current elevation of area E 27.


    ¡°Looks like we need to raise about three hundred feet.¡± Jamal muttered, looking at the notepad in his hand. That was gonna be a two week job.


    Jamal unboxed his most valuable piece of equipment, a squat cylinder with a pepper grinder handle on the top. It was about half the size of a fifty-five gallon drum and heavy. The only reason Jamal could carry it into the mountains was that everyone was superhuman nowadays. The old standards for strength no longer applied.


    Jamal set it down with its screw tip plunged into the earth, made sure his other equipment was nowhere near where a tree might fall, then started turning the handle.


    Inside the machine, a series of gears changed his slow turn into high speed rotation, spinning Aether Crystals past carved slices of Mythic Cores at speeds too fast for the eye. Jamal didn¡¯t know how it worked, but he knew that it worked.


    The earth began to rumble and buck as though it were an earthquake, making the trees around the clearing sway. This was the most dangerous part of the job. Lots of moving mass, plenty of energy being thrown around for someone to get hurt with. Jamal kept spinning the handle, keeping his head on a swivel for any natural or unnatural disaster that might visit him. Rockslides, fallen trees and sudden cracks in the ground were the two most common ways people got hurt doing this.


    Jamal was out of range of a rockslide and in the middle of a clearing, so he only needed to worry about losing the priceless piece of terraforming equipment down a hole in the ground. Talk about a design flaw.


    Well, that wasn¡¯t the only thing he needed to worry about. There were also wild monsters to contend with. The natural predators that spawned with the dungeons took generations to spread across the globe.


    Except for goblins.


    The sneaky little fuckers bred like rabbits, and a tribe could wander as far as fifty miles in a single day. They redefined the term ¡®invasive species.¡¯


    No matter how high your endurance got, A well placed blow to the back of the head could knock someone out of commission long enough to get eaten.


    In another sixty to a hundred years or so, bigger predators would move in and establish a balance with the goblins, making them less common.


    And making bigger, nastier things more common, Jamal thought with a sigh as he watched the ground for signs of opening up.


    ¡°There¡¯s one thing we can¡¯t tolerate, it¡¯s large predators near human settlements. Don¡¯t worry about it. Your kids are gonna do like we did before, and scour them from the face of the Earth. If there¡¯s one thing we humans good at, it¡¯s systematic genocide.¡±


    Garth was a weird bastard, but he seemed optimistic.


    After half an hour of spinning, Jamal took a break to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He didn¡¯t have anything to base it on, but he felt like he¡¯d raised this section of the mountain four feet or so. He¡¯d be able to get a better read on it when he headed back down and saw where the ground had cracked and heaved.


    Where does the extra ground come from, anyway? Jamal thought to himself. Were they literally pulling magma up toward the surface, or injecting concrete down into the mountain to plump them up like silicone injections.


    That was above his paygrade, but Jamal hoped they weren¡¯t creating volcanos all the way around the city beneath them.


    That just seemed stupid.


    A rumbling sound grabbed his attention, coming from the south. It wasn¡¯t Jamal, and it wasn¡¯t another engineer shaping the mountains either, the sound was wrong. To the south stood Garth¡¯s tower, a hulking tree at least five hundred feet tall, dwarfing the subtropical plants around it.


    Jamal¡¯s vision caught movement as a streamlined pine tree fifty feet tall shot up into the sky, trailing fire and a line of smoke behind it.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± Jamal said quietly, craning his neck to watch the tree-rocket¡¯s progress as it disappeared into the blue sky. Garth had mentioned satellite technology before, but Jamal hadn¡¯t been expecting to see a fucking tree soaring into the sky to deliver the package.


    Jamal was gawking like a kid when the stone flung by the goblin caught him in the eye.


    Jamal¡¯s Endurance and the fact that the stone spent most of its force fracturing his orbital were the only things that saved him from instant death.


    The world darkened and sound faded away as Jamal fell to the ground, twitching. Through the uncontrolled spasms, and the mind-shattering pain, Jamal barely heard the victorious screeching of goblins bursting from the bushes.


    Jamal faintly realized that the next thing that happened would determine whether he lived or died. They were going to rush out and club him on the head until he stopped moving, and then eat him.


    He needed to cover his head right now.


    Jamal moaned and mustered every nerve in his body to drag his arms over his head an instant before a heavy impact slammed against his forearms, again and again. Jamal felt a pressure on his chest as his boiled leather vest stopped a stab aimed at his heart.


    Jamal¡¯s life flashed before his eyes, the absentee father, the poor mother without a spare second to spend on her son who¡¯d gotten in trouble at school again.


    Then the life that could have been flickered through his mind. Jess, their home. Children. The amazing sex¡­


    Fuck that dying shit! Jamal thought, gritting his teeth and opening his eyes. the smashed eyeball registered nothing but pain, but the other saw little green feet standing above him.


    He couldn¡¯t lie around and wait for one of them to stab him in the neck. Keeping one hand above his head and neck, Jamal tore his sword out of its sheath and caught one of the little bastards in the foot.


    The goblin fell to the ground with a howl, while the rest of them jumped backward, hissing in disappointment at a hunt gone sour.


    ¡°Come on, you little fuckers, let¡¯s see what you got,¡± Jamal said, climbing to his feet as fast as he could. Whatever you do, don¡¯t fall down. He felt the blood from his socket weeping down his cheek like tears.


    ****


    Marianne Edwards, thirty-seven year member of the U.S. corps of engineers and manager of the city¡¯s new corps, was organizing reports and building a mental map of the mountain progress, and how it could be integrated into the city¡¯s infrastructure, when the door of her office slammed open, scattering her concentration. Her vision turned red.


    Someone was gonna get her foot up their ass.


    ¡°What do you think you¡¯re- AAH!¡± Marianne screamed and flew back in her seat, sending analog papers scattering up into the air.


    Directly in front of her was the dripping, disembodied head of a Goblin, jaw hanging slack, exposing its sharp teeth and long, swollen tongue.


    Holding the head up for her benefit was Jamal Hernandez, baring his teeth in a snarl and wearing a blood-soaked rag over his eye.


    ¡°This! This is what we have to deal with out there!¡± Jamal said, slamming the head down on her desk, covering her documents in spatters of blood. ¡°Not fucking delays in traffic or mainframe crashes. No, we get things that think humans taste like chicken!¡±


    ¡°Now listen up, desk bitch. I talked to the rest of the engineers, and not a single one of us is going back out there until we get a partner to watch our backs.¡± He held up his thumb and forefinger. ¡°I was this close to getting eaten today, and thankfully I was able to scare them away, but guess what did happen?¡±


    He peeled off the bloody bandage. ¡°I lost a fucking eye!¡±


    Marianne leaned back in the chair. Jamal was usually a sweet tempered boy. A bit of a sassback, but never malicious. She had never seen him this angry, and it made the angry retort wither on her tongue.


    ¡°So don¡¯t expect any more work on that mountain until we¡¯re not being fed to the wildlife, and I swear to god,¡± He drew his sword and leveled it at Marianne, ¡°If the government doesn¡¯t pay for a new eye I¡¯m gonna do something we both regret.¡±


    Marianne¡¯s heart slammed in her chest as she eyed the sword pointed at her.


    It was the first time in her long life anyone had drawn a sword on her. Go figure. The boy had made his point though, it wasn¡¯t the safe country it had used to be, a blind spot in her thinking.


    ¡°I¡¯ll make some calls.¡± She tried to say it with confidence, but it came out as a whisper.


    ****


    Garth was reworking the design of his satellite when he got the call from the treasurer. Pretty soon they¡¯d be a spacefaring nation again. Fuck the apocalypse. Humans bounce back.


    ¡°Seems like the engineers want bigger groups and health insurance.¡± The woman, Henrietta Evans, spoke into his ear through the magical phone.


    ¡°How much are we making from exports?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°In short, an obscene amount.¡± She said.


    ¡°Make it happen, then. As a matter of fact, Get with Paul and expand the corps of engineers and military if we¡¯ve got the money for it. Big stick and all.¡±


    ¡°Yes sir.¡± Henrietta said, hanging up.


    Macronomicon


    Thus begins the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 96: Intermission #2: Bad Behavior

    ¡°Is that horse staring at us?¡± Leon asked, glancing over his shoulder at the horse seemingly watching them. In response to his question, the animal bent down and started mindlessly munching on the grass.


    ¡°Psshaw, that¡¯s just The Law making you paranoid.¡± Bear said, using a pair of heavy duty shears to cut the fencing outside the government warehouse. ¡°If you want to be in this business, you¡¯re gonna have to grow a thicker skin.¡±


    Leon wondered where he¡¯d picked up The Law. He¡¯d been extra careful not to go whoring, stay at an inn, do any banking, or write his name down anywhere, but their glorious fucking leader¡¯s mildly annoying curse was like the magical equivalent of herpes. Almost everyone had it, and seemed it spread to everyone who didn¡¯t with a mind of its own.


    You could pay to have it removed, certain underground mages had already cracked the code and made a tidy profit taking the curse off, but what was the point? Just living in L.A. would have you pick it up again in a matter of days, if not hours. For normal people, it wasn¡¯t so bad, but for people like Leon, it was suffocating.


    Which is the point, Leon admitted to himself, looking up at the government warehouse. On the plus side, it was also why there was so little law enforcement. With a city rapidly approaching fifty thousand, there should have been at least a hundred police, but there was less than a quarter of that.


    The reason? Everyone was too busy rebuilding to commit a crime. That and the goddamned magical herpes making people wracked with nerves every time they did something illegal. Most people didn¡¯t even know they had it on them, and the rest didn¡¯t care. The spell basically only triggered when you hurt someone or stole from someone. Now Leon was a nervous wreck as long as he had the curse on him, and he spent half of the money he made making regular trips to his local de-curser.


    No, he couldn¡¯t have the curse on him. He hadn¡¯t done anything before this job that might have compromised his ability to think.


    He was just the regular kind of nervous that came with such a big job.


    They stood in front of the government warehouse, where all the inbound and outbound supplies rested for a night before moving out of state, and where the cash accumulated by the wagonload. Entire wagons full to the brim with ten thousand credit coins, guarded only by a handful of weak-ass kids.


    Leon glanced down at the slaughtered boys, their rosy cheeks pale, faces frozen in expressions of horror. They all wore the slapdash uniform of the city¡¯s military, wearing the purple and green crest stamped with Beladia¡¯s symbol. Sucked to be them tonight.


    They really should have found a better place to put all this money. It was like asking for it to be stolen.


    The plan was simple, take two of the cash wagons, drape their pre-made coverings over them to change their appearance, and take the new portal to China, where the rest of the crew had secured a path offworld.


    In another twelve hours, they wouldn¡¯t even be on Earth, They¡¯d be laying on an alien beach, drinking margaritas and wading through alien pussy.


    ¡°How much cash are we looking at?¡± Hugh whispered as Bear took care of the last link in the chain fence.


    ¡°Check it.¡± Bear said, and their skinny mage, Kyle Stern, stepped forward, putting his hand into his pocket and pulling out a handful of mana-sensitive dust, tossing it into the courtyard beyond the fence. The dust glittered in the air before settling to the ground, outlining the traps buried underneath the concrete.


    ¡°Assuming a standard wagon size, nine feet long, five feet wide internally, and coins with a diameter of one and a half inches, and eighth inch thick, packed to the five foot ceiling. Four eighty to the top¡­ two point two five square inches per coin¡­ two eight eighty¡­times ten grand¡­¡±


    Kyle glanced back at Hugh with a grin. ¡°About thirteen point eight billion credits per wagon.¡±


    ¡°Jesus, fuck!¡± Hugh exclaimed quietly.


    ¡°More than enough to go around.¡± Bear said, clapping a hand on their shoulders. ¡°Stick to the plan, and remember the rules. Each of you has an earmarked share and not even death is gonna change that, so don¡¯t get any bright ideas. I don¡¯t want idiots blinded by an amount of money they couldn¡¯t hope to spend in a lifetime, I want professionals.¡±


    He looked down at the magical traps highlighted with the glittering dust.


    ¡°Hugh, widen the cut in the fence, Kyle, make a path that we can bring wagons back through. Leon, Miles, with me.¡±


    ¡°Got it.¡±


    Bear handed off the bolt-cutters and fearlessly stepped inside the trapped compound, gingerly tiptoeing around the magical traps designed to paralyze intruders and alert security. In a matter of seconds, Leon and Miles followed him through, creeping to the warehouse door.


    Bear waited for them to line up behind him before sliding the stolen magical key across the door¡¯s lock, silently opening the door and creeping in.


    Behind them, Leon heard the sounds of Hugh widening the gap, and the soft cracking of stone as Kyle disable the security.


    They stepped into the quiet warehouse, and Bear twisted on a magical torch, flooding the entire building with brilliant magical light. There were crates and boxes stored and stacked here and there, and row after row of wagons packed into the building, making the entire place look like nothing less than a medieval parking garage.


    Leon spotted a stack of paper bags of coke as they crept through the warehouse, and his feet turned in that direction unconsciously, separating from the group.


    ¡°What have we here?¡± He whispered to himself, fishing into his pocket for his switchblade. If the Herpes Curse was one thing he hated about L.A., then the coke was the one thing he couldn¡¯t get enough of. The effect made pre-magic coke look like amateur work. It was better in every way, as Leon could attest.


    He had sliced open a bag and was lifting the powder filled tip of his knife up to his nose when Bear seized his hand, knife handle and all.


    ¡°What are you-¡° Leon started to say, grunting as he tried to pull his hand out of the more powerful man¡¯s grip.


    ¡°Listen here.¡± Bear said, the knife trembling under Leon¡¯s nose as he turned it sideways, letting the cocaine slide off the blade, and turning the business end toward his nostril.


    ¡°You stick to the plan, you do only what we set out to do.¡± The shivering blade started to rise, pressing against Leon¡¯s nostril. Leon tried to pull his head away when Miles grabbed the back of his head to keep it steady. ¡°It¡¯s distractions like this that get people caught or killed. You¡¯re on the clock, and your ass is mine.¡±


    ¡°I catch you pulling shit like this one more time, and you¡¯re losing a body part, understood?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± Leon gritted out, watching his own shining blade under his nose.


    ¡°Good, now let¡¯s move, we¡¯re on a deadline, and it doesn¡¯t account for dealing with this shit.


    Bear pulled the blade away from Leon¡¯s grip and pocketed it.


    ¡°Move.¡± He pointed down the row of empty wagons.


    Leon moved.


    Thirty seconds later, Leon heard Mile¡¯s soft whistle, and the three of them converged on a row of wagons filled to the brim with ten thousand credit coins, used for government payrolls and supply acquisition from the Inner spheres.


    All told, there were six wagons full to the brim with gold.


    ¡°God in heaven, it¡¯s beautiful,¡± Miles whispered. In the torchlight, Leon could see a tear sparkling down his cheek. Almost fourteen billion from each wagon? Even if it was half that much, this score was going to set them up for life, and beyond. If an afterlife could be bought, this might cover it.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think there would be six,¡± Bear muttered, rubbing his chin in thought.


    ¡°Are we taking more than two?¡± Leon asked.


    ¡°No.¡± Bear decided quickly. ¡°We have two wrappings, and only enough manpower to pull two. There¡¯s no need to put ourselves at risk for an extra unimaginable sum. You couldn¡¯t spend all of your original share of two in a lifetime, what are you gonna do with the extra?¡±


    ¡°We could get Hugh-¡°


    ¡°Shut up and get under the tongue,¡± Bear said, fixing him with a deadly stare. The beast of a man¡¯s hand crept toward the sword on his belt.


    Leon decided it was time to stop arguing.


    He and Miles got under the wagon¡¯s tongue and lifted, getting the wagon ready to move with their supernatural strength.


    Bear did the same with another wagon, nodded to them, and began rolling the wagon out, panting with effort as he hauled the wagon along with the strength of eight average men.


    Leon put his head down, and started pulling with Miles, making their wagon pull out into the aisle, turning to follow Bear toward the garage gate.


    Leon knew in his head that Bear was right, but in his heart, he mourned having to leave behind such an unimaginable amount of cash. They followed close behind Bear until he made it to the gate, taking an opportunity to rest while the big man hauled on the chains that would open the garage.


    Once they got out with Hugh and Kyle, they could take turns resting while the others pulled the wagons. Once they got the wagons turned west, it would just be a matter of riding the breaks downhill until they got to the new China Gate, a massive tree that supported a portal to the other side of the world.


    After that, they¡¯d skip Earth entirely.


    This was going to go down in history as the biggest heist on Earth. Leon was thinking about the stories that would be told and retold as he leaned against the tongue, waiting for the garage door to open the rest of the way. The garage door clunked the rest of the way open, letting the starlight from outside spill into the warehouse as Bear¡¯s shadow moved back to the front of his wagon.


    Then things started to go strange.


    ¡°Hugh, what are you doing he-¡° Bear¡¯s words were cut off by a grunt, a bit of scuffle and the sound of breaking bones.


    Leon and Miles shared a glance and dropped the wagon tongue as one, sprinting for the entrance.


    Leon was hoping the bastard had gotten stabbed. Well, maybe not stabbed, they needed his contacts to get off-planet. maybe just roughed up a little.


    When they got to the front, they saw Hugh lying on the ground, his neck wrenched into an awkward angle, and Bear was clutching a wound on his side.


    He did get stabbed! Leon thought with a small amount of satisfaction.


    ¡°Change of plans,¡± Bear said to the two of them, staunching the bleeding with his hands and grimacing down at Hugh.


    ¡°Grab the front wagon, and make for the fence.¡± He shook his head. ¡°Hugh seemed like a good kid, but you never know what greed will do to people until you get the scent of money.¡±


    True. If Leon still had his knife, he might be tempted to finish the job, but instead he went back to the wagon tongue.


    Miles didn¡¯t follow him right away, staring out into the darkness of the yard, still filled with traps.


    ¡°Where¡¯s Kyle?¡± he asked, scanning the concrete yard with furrowed brows.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Bear said, looking around. ¡°Something¡¯s really wrong.¡±


    ¡°No shit,¡± The corpse of Hugh gurgled, standing up and realigning his head in front of the stunned onlookers. Out of the darkness Kyle approached them, his clothes covered in blood, bearing a wicked grin on his dimpled face.


    ¡°Leon, Miles, fill up your status bands with cash and run for the back of the warehouse. The job¡¯s over.¡± Bear said, drawing his sword.


    ¡°Ooh, I like your style.¡± Hugh and Kyle said simultaneously, their attention focusing on Bear as their voices harmonized eerily.


    ¡°What are you, some kind of body snatcher?¡± Bear said, leveling his sword on the two men as Leon and Miles rushed to ditch. Bear began to exude an aura of fire, radiating searing heat in every direction, until the stone beneath him glowed a cherry red.


    ¡°Quick on the uptake, too¡­¡± Kyle¡¯s eyes narrowed, and a mischievous grin dimpled his cheeks.


    Leon wasn¡¯t having any of that shit. He grabbed a handful of cash, ¡®ported it to his Status band and booked it. There had been a slatted window up high in the back of the warehouse. He could-


    Leon¡¯s thoughts ended as a bladelike tentacle cleaved through his skull.


    ****


    ¡°Robbery gone wrong Al?¡± Jules asked. The young man had been one of a very few people who expressed an interest in law enforcement in the modern chaos. He had the heart for it, if not the brains or the experience.


    Alice Gibbons studied the mutilated corpses, the brilliant light of the L.A. sun glaring down on the bloodied concrete shipping yard. When she had worked as a detective, she had often been referred to as Al, which had caused no end to the number of mixups regarding her gender.


    But it was better than people calling her Alice.


    ¡°Fifth one¡¯s out back in the alley. A big guy, maybe three hundred pounds of muscle. Linebacker material, and probably with a class to boot. He looks like he bled out.¡± Jules chattered on beside her as she looked over the scene, trying to fit the pieces together any way she could.


    ¡°Al?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re probably right,¡± Alice said. ¡°When groups of scumbags like this get introduced to that much money, they tend to implode. Everything about this scene matches that idea¡­Except this guy¡¯s facing the wrong direction, and his wound doesn¡¯t match any of the dead men¡¯s weapons. That one¡¯s got way too few wounds for the amount of blood on his clothes, and there¡¯s a bit of blood over by the fence, completely opposite where the main confrontation occurred.


    ¡°Sooo.. Sixth man?¡± Jules asked.


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Alice said, her attention wandering to the opposite street where a horse was munching on grass on the corner of the street, in a perfect location to surveil traffic from either direction.


    ¡°Maybe it wasn¡¯t a man.¡±


    ¡°Pff..¡± Jules started laughing, then stopped when he saw her face. ¡°What, you¡¯re serious?¡±


    ¡°Jules, Aliens are all over the planet, and I can literally do magic.¡± She reached out to the mana in the surroundings and then touched the amulet of Unglaus, establishing a connection to the cold diety of death. She mentally requested permission to interrogate a subject, and was rewarded with a cold sensation that worked its way through her belly.


    That meant yes.


    Alice put her fingers on the corpse¡¯s shoulder, and saw her tunnel of mana flicker as a soul descended back into the temporarily reactivated body.


    ¡°Who did this?¡±


    The corpse with a third of its head shorn away opened its mouth, moaning into the bloodstained concrete.


    It spoke, ¡°Moonnsteer.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± Jules said, nudging her shoulder. ¡°You think that horse is watching us?¡±


    ¡°No. It¡¯s just a dumb horse.¡± Alice lied as prickles of panic settled on the back of her neck. No sense letting it know that she knew about it. Maybe she was being paranoid. But years of experience told her that horse was watching them. It was watching them carefully. Like a person.


    ¡°Oh, okay,¡± Jules said, turning his attention back to the surroundings. The sweet idiot.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 97: Shit hits the Fan

    **Horse**


    Day five hundred and fifty two as a horse:


    Assimilation of the animals of L.A. approximately 97% complete. Ravens, feral cats and other vermin with high survival instincts have proven difficult. All major livestock has been turned. Estimated biomass eight thousand tons.


    Resulting extra processing power has been rerouted to my show card, Dr. Daniels, while the spare bodies have been left with their animal instincts. I suspect plant Garth has created some kind of biological failsafe, and so I¡¯ve buried a few dormant bodies outside city limits.


    Today I stopped a major robbery that would have cost the government billions. The scumbags won¡¯t be missed. I recruited another minion, a man named Bear. Originally five foot four, used Dr. Garth¡¯s services to increase his height and change his identity while capitalizing on our monkey fixation with size and authority¡­ Highly intelligent, pragmatic individual, yet willing to lay down his life for his team. Very valuable if I can convince him to be an independent actor.


    A former detective working for the city¡¯s law enforcement is onto me, but seems to be willing to look the other way as long as I kill criminals. Establish contact?


    ****


    ¡°That was awful.¡± Garth said, walking away from the house of the last guard member, leaving behind the man¡¯s widow rocking in a recliner, weeping into a rag. The sobbing had woken up the baby and made the entire visit another nerve wracking experience in a long line of them.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to do the visits,¡± Clark said, walking beside him, ¡°I can handle it.¡±


    ¡°As long as I¡¯m still technically in charge of this place, I gotta take the job seriously.¡± Garth said, glancing up at the blue, cloudless sky. They might need some rain later this evening. The mood seemed right for rain. ¡°That includes shit days like this.¡±


    For all intents and purposes, the government was under Clark¡¯s control, and they simply paid taxes to Garth, which was fine with him. Garth had a big say in what got done, but the size of the city had swollen until it had begun to manage itself somewhat, and all he had to do was sit back and profit.


    ¡°The first deaths in our military and it¡¯s assholes trying to rob us!¡± Garth stopped and considered his words a moment. ¡°Not that I want our people to die, you understand, but they didn¡¯t sign up to be killed by our own citizens looking to make a buck. Tell me the money is being moved somewhere more secure.¡±


    ¡°Being built right now.¡± Clark said.


    ¡°God damn it.¡± Garth muttered, shaking his head. There would be a point where he wasn¡¯t able to make personal trips to everyone who¡¯d lost someone, but for now, he knew he had to swallow that pill or he¡¯d lose the last bit of connection to the city¡¯s governance.


    Garth took a deep breath. He needed to calm down, but he still needed to do his job.


    ¡°Let me know when the funeral is going to be. I¡¯ve gotta go de-stress.¡±


    ¡°Golf?¡± Clark asked with a smirk.


    ¡°Hah. The green likes me too much to be fair.¡± Garth lifted into the air and flew to his tower, leaving Clark on the ground in the middle of the residential cul-de-sac


    Garth flew into the sky entrance of his wizard tower, entering the cool comforting shadow of the tree¡¯s interior.


    Garth walked into his lab, where hundreds of potted plants with alphanumeric codes rested on tables beside microscopes and jury-rigged lab equipment, redesigned to work with magic rather than electricity.


    ¡°How¡¯d it go?¡± Wilson asked, unrolling from his scoop bed in the corner of the room.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t miss much.¡± Garth threw his clothes in a pile and stood in front of a mirror, chaking himself for any odd growths or unexpected mutations. So far so good.


    ¡°A lot of crying and generally feeling awful.¡± Garth stroked the enchantments buried under the skin of his forehead and temples, feeling the tiny bumps in his skin.


    As it turned out, billions of credits could even buy the ingredients to make Stabilized Lanterns, which were incredibly difficult to produce.


    One had to create a solution of powdered Aether Crystal and other rare ingredients to fill a bath full of the liquid solution ¨C the bigger the better ¨C and hold a Lantern inside it long enough for the crystal to grow up around it. This was usually accomplished with a variation of the Haste spell, speeding up the process drastically. You rarely saw an idiot willing to hold a lantern in one place for weeks at a time.


    Once the Lantern was stabilized, The Aether crystal was allowed to continue growing around it, reinforcing the cage.


    Once the crystal was grown to the user¡¯s satisfaction, they removed it from the bath and could then carry it around with them, a portable mana supply only accessible through direct contact.


    However, the place where the Stabilized Lantern was made would never recover its magic ¨C unless the crystal was broken. The stabilized Lantern could also be broken by specific spells cast on the barren sphere of land connected to it.


    That was why Garth had made the one in his head at the bottom of the ocean last summer.


    Garth leaned away from the mirror and studied his looks.


    He hadn¡¯t changed his appearance a bit since the beginning, taking pains to maintain his current body shape.


    He could have made himself taller, more imposing, more handsome, even given himself a flatter stomach, but he didn¡¯t.


    Garth understood that a person¡¯s name and their appearance had strong ties to their identity, and he wanted to keep himself as¡­Garthy as possible, despite arming himself to the teeth.


    Funny things we¡¯re sticklers about, Garth thought, patting his small amount of paunch. He had unnaturally strong bones, dense muscles supplied via ultra-efficient blood carriers, modified all of his senses to inhuman levels, created secondary organs with stop-gates, and generally reworked every part of his body.


    But he¡¯d made damn sure to keep his regular Joe fa?ade.


    Don¡¯t exactly want to scream ¡®I¡¯m genetically modifying myself into a weapon of mass destruction!¡¯ at the top of your lungs, do you?


    ¡°You didn¡¯t even give yourself a bigger dick,¡± Wilson said. ¡°I¡¯m proud of you, man.¡±


    ¡°Shaddap.¡±


    Garth was putting his pants back on when Cass stormed into the room, slamming various rare ingredients into his pockets before reaching for more, spilling over several sensitive plants Garth had been working on his Create Life skill with.


    He¡¯d even trained one to open and close its leaves on command. It was nowhere near the level that Ms. Banyan was at, but Garth was starting to get the hang of the skill, making simple animal-level intelligences out of plants.


    ¡°Is there something I can help you with?¡± Garth asked as Cass ran from table to table, muttering to himself.


    The ancient wizard didn¡¯t seem to hear him, chanting under his breath as he scanned the room frantically.


    ¡°Did you use the last of the Mythic core?¡± He demanded, finally locking eyes with Garth. Cass¡¯s eyes were wide, whites visible all the way around.


    Something had spooked him.


    ¡°No, there¡¯s some in the storage room.¡± Garth replied, a bit taken aback. ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°Okay, Hah!¡± Cass shouted as he ran out of the room. ¡°I¡¯m dying, boy!¡±


    Garth and Wilson glanced at each other, then back at the empty doorframe.


    ¡°Might be a good idea to see what that¡¯s all about,¡± Wilson said, stretching.


    Garth nodded and ran after Cass, followed by Wilson. They ran down the smooth wooden hallway and turned into the storage room where the old man was loading all the Mythic cores into his pockets, some thirty of them that Garth had paid mercenaries a lot of money to bring back from other planets.


    It was hypocritical, maybe, but Earth was going to survive.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on? Garth asked.


    ¡°You know what dying is like when you can see the future?¡± Cass said, going to the next bin and grabbing handfuls of Aether crystals, then Heartstones and rare metals.


    ¡°It¡¯s agonizing. It¡¯s a constant death, exploring one option after another, each one ending in death, as time slowly runs out, pushing you toward one of those final outcomes.¡±


    He glanced at Garth. ¡°I know because I¡¯ve read the minds of other men with similar abilities, right before I killed them. Third most terrifying thing I¡¯ve ever experienced, right after being swallowed by an Old One.¡±


    Cass chuckled. ¡°Who knows, maybe I can pull off an upset at the very end of the game. But for that I need every advantage I can get.¡± He inspected a jar with a dead chimera thoughtfully.


    ¡°Someone¡¯s going to try to kill you?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°They are killing me!¡± Cass shouted. ¡°Did you not understand the concept of future vision? They¡¯re ¨C ¡° He made violent scissoring gestures with his hands. ¡°Busily cutting off all my options, right now!¡±


    Cass took a deep breath and met Garth with a level stare.


    ¡°I¡¯m leaving the city. They¡¯re going to come looking for me here, and being here won¡¯t provide me with a big enough advantage. You should consider moving your family out of town. I don¡¯t know how bad it¡¯s gonna be, since I can¡¯t see what happens when I¡¯m not here, but you should be prepared for the worst.¡±


    Garth processed that.


    ¡°When?¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­¡± Cass said, glancing around the room. ¡°What time is it?¡±


    The phone in the corner of the room starting to ring.


    ¡°Oh shit, I¡¯m here already? Cass said, staring at the phone like a poisonous snake. ¡°Gotta go.¡± Cass blinked out of existence.


    ¡°Should we be worried?¡± Wilson asked.


    ¡°Better safe than sorry,¡± Garth said. ¡°What it takes to scare something like that, I don¡¯t even wanna know.¡± He leaned forward and grabbed the phone off the receiver, holding it to his ear. ¡°Speak.¡±


    ¡°Sir, there¡¯s¡­some kind of army outside the city, they¡¯re flying the standard of the Inner spheres. I don¡¯t think they¡¯re with a Clan.


    ¡°Damnit. Don¡¯t let them in. I¡¯m on my way,¡± Garth said, his stomach sinking. Was this all related to Cass, who¡¯d blown through here like a whirlwind? It was unlikely that the two were entirely separate.


    Garth glanced at Wilson.


    ¡°On it,¡± Wilson said, rising into the air on his custom enchantment and shooting out the door to seek out Sandi and the kids and get them somewhere safe.


    The portal to China might be far enough.


    ¡°Wasn¡¯t what I was expecting to be doing today, but what the hell.¡± Not like we get to pick and choose where we die.


    Except maybe people who can see the future.


    If Cass dragged his mess onto the city, Garth was going to turn on him like nobodies business.


    Garth lifted off the ground and soared out of his tower and high into the air, where he made out a phalanx of some fifty thousand soldiers, wearing shining mythril armor and the colors of the Inner Spheres.


    ¡°Welp, that puts five hundred riders to shame,¡± Garth said, hooking his thumbs in his belt-loops as he scoured the shining rows of aliens with his enhanced senses.


    They felt Strong. Each and every one of them felt like¡­well, they felt like Garth.


    But they didn¡¯t look like wizards.


    No one said you had to wear robes and look fancy, but mages liked to hold themselves above others, and weren¡¯t interested in standing in formation in sweltering heat, one of fifty thousand.


    Garth briefly considered raining pine rockets filled with mustard gas down on them, but it was probably a bad idea to do so before he¡¯d heard them out.


    Maybe they were here to help.


    Hah.


    At the very least, there was a possibility he could buy them off and avoid bloodshed.


    Garth-topia¡¯s GDP could afford paying off some Inner Sphere officials.


    Garth soared through the air, landing at the gate where a couple hundred frightened men and women wearing the colors of Beladia were preventing fifty thousand hardened veterans, from the look of them, from entering the city.


    It wasn¡¯t so much them being kept out by force, so much as the army passively waiting, fully aware that they could take the city any time they wanted to. There were as many soldiers as there were citizens.


    At the head of the army was a palanquin draped with gold and crimson silk. Seeing Garth arrive, a man stepped out from the box while an attendant put shoes on the ground for him to step into.


    I bet this guy thinks highly of himself. Garth did a double take and frowned. Everything about him seemed human, save for his ears, which had a strange whorl to them at the top.


    Elf, maybe?


    The man was wearing a gaudy robe made of shimmering iridescent cloth, and he took dainty steps, mincing forward until he stood in front of Garth, flanked by several hulking orcs in shining plate that radiated powerful enchantments.


    ¡°Good afternoon,¡± he said with a smile.


    ¡°Afternoon,¡± Garth replied. ¡°May I ask what prompted the army?¡±


    ¡° My Name is Argus Greenspeaker, Reports reached the core that Earth is¡­in need of assistance, and we have been sent to facilitate.¡±


    ¡°Try Australia. That continent needs all the help they can get. We¡¯re doing just fine here.¡±


    ¡°From what we understand, this city is the biggest representation of human civilization on Earth. Sure there are pockets here and there, but this is the seed of the future. The inner Sphere is concerned that mismanagement may cause such a promising seed to¡­rot. If you would allow us to tour the city, we could then send word back to the core that their fears were unfounded.¡±


    Garth glanced at the massive army and began growing a network of explosives into the ground through his feet. He looked like he was considering the man¡¯s suggestion to stall for time.


    ¡°I¡¯d be happy to welcome yourself, Argus Greenspeaker, and five men of your choosing, but your army will not set foot inside the city. I¡¯d be happy to arrange food and housing for them, though.¡±


    Argus gave him a fake smile and nodded, awful cheesy vibes dripping off of him like slime off a fish.


    ¡°That would be most welcome, just one question.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°Are you¡­¡± He slid a scrap of paper out of his sleeve and read it. ¡°Garth Daniels?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± Garth lied with the power of Pala rolling off his tongue like chilled air. ¡°He¡¯s in Ireland, across the ocean.¡±


    ¡°I see, and you know this how?


    "He established the luxury goods trade and then left me in charge while he spreads it across the planet."


    "Ah, I see."


    ¡°Hey Garth, what¡¯s going on?¡± Clark said, approaching from the city gates.


    Argus¡¯s expression turned predatory. ¡°I see.¡±


    Garth heaved a sigh. Bad luck happens to the best of us.


    ¡°Arrest him.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 98: Thy list of Crimes

    Argus looked Garth up and down as the orcs flanking him advanced.


    ¡°Here I thought someone who caused this much trouble would be stronger, but I won¡¯t complain about my good fortune,¡± Argus said with good-natured grin. ¡°I¡¯ve been ignorant of how weak everything is In the Outer Spheres. Desensitized, I suppose. Even someone only on his second tier like you can carve out a nice little kingdom.¡±


    Garth raised his left hand and summoned a Lantern, emptying all the mana within twenty feet. Better not to look like an easy target. Argus¡¯s eyebrow twitched upon seeing the pea-sized sun glowing through Garth¡¯s fingers.


    ¡°Wait a moment. I¡¯m sure we can come to an agreement,¡± Garth said with his most disarming smile. ¡°Surely there¡¯s a lot more to gain from working together than a ham fisted confrontation.¡±


    ¡°Ham-fisted.¡± Argus said, savoring the words as he spoke. ¡°An interesting idiom with an easy to understand meaning.¡± He motioned for the approaching orcs to stand down.


    ¡°Let¡¯s use our words then, shall we?¡± He said, pulling out his notepad and reviewing it.


    ¡°Garth Daniels, you are wanted by the Core for draft dodging, possession and distribution of restricted spells, possession and distribution of restricted technology, smuggling, Sale of narcotics, bribery, murder, theft, tax evasion, and most recently, lying to an Elf.¡±


    Garth mentally nodded as he checked off the list. Lying to an elf being a punishable offense was pretty stupid, but the one that stuck in his mind was the technology.


    ¡°What restricted technology?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°As a citizen of the Spheres, you¡¯re beholden to its laws, whether you are aware of them or not. In this case, the distribution of a long range communication system not approved by the Inner sphere, the creation of unlicensed terraforming and transportation technology, and reverse engineering of proprietary postal technology.¡±


    That got under Garth¡¯s skin.


    ¡°So the Core doesn¡¯t want us¡­talking to each other?¡±


    ¡°No, of course you¡¯re free to use the Postal Service. The Core simply understands that some technologies are too powerful to be trusted in the hands of such young races.¡±


    ¡°We had those technologies before.¡± Garth said, eyes narrowed.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but those are the rules that the Inner core has laid down, understanding that there is more potential for misuse than you could imagine.¡±


    Long story short, the Inner spheres wanted to keep everyone in the middle ages while they sucked the life out of them. Garth was starting to think that there might not be a way to coexist peacefully with the Inner Spheres, but they outnumbered Earthlings on an astronomical scale.


    Rock and a hard place.


    ¡°I¡¯ve read a book about cell phones turning people into zombies. Humans can imagine a lot. There has to be a way to contest that law.¡±


    ¡°You may have your planet¡¯s representative apply for an exemption from the law. These requests are often successful.¡±


    ¡°Lemme guess, Earth can¡¯t have a representative until a hundred year acclimation period elapses?¡±


    Argus slowly smiled. ¡°Three hundred.¡±


    ¡°Anything a whole lot of money could do to fix that?¡± Garth asked, trying to explore every possibility that didn¡¯t include violence.


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid not,¡± Argus said with a smug smile ¡°Now if you don¡¯t mind coming with me, you can plead your case in court.¡±


    Well, that was that.


    The silk-robed dandy revealed an instant of surprise when Garth unleashed a hurricane of sharpened wood on the three men.


    He channeled the power through his spool, using wind to launch thousands of spores forward, transforming them into self-propelling darts that hissed forward, kicking up a screen of dust and smoke while peppering the bureaucrat and his men with holes.


    When the dust settled however, they had significantly less holes than Garth was expecting, which was a problem.


    ¡°We can add resisting arrest to the list of charges, If you survive,¡± Argus said, a stabilized lantern in his palm projecting a shimmering dome that forced the darts to warp around him, embedding themselves in the hard concrete of the road outside the city gates.


    Before Garth could make another move, a heavy plated fist blindsided him. Garth¡¯s vision burst into stars as the ground scoured against the side of his face, finally stopping when he was ten feet away.


    The lantern in his fist dissolved into nothing.


    Garth¡¯s vision cleared as Argus¡¯s Lantern crackled into place around them, stealing control over the mana in the environment. The orc in the distance was rushing to grab him, so Garth flopped onto his side and channeled mana from the stabilized lantern in his head, aiming to detonate the land mines he¡¯d placed in the ground beneath the army.


    Garth¡¯s hand hit the earth, and almost simultaneously Argus knelt to the ground, placing his own mana between Garth and his creations.


    Freaking counterspellers, Garth thought before an armored body landed on him full force, making his reinforced ribs creak in place.


    Garth activated his Teleportation enchantment and flickered a hundred feet into the air before the second one could make a field goal with his head.


    Garth was turning to face the enemy in midair when he spotted a strange chain of shimmering blue mana that looked semi-organic, launch itself towards where Garth had been moments ago.


    The chain hit the remnants of Garth¡¯s teleportation, then Garth saw a bubble of space magic form there, and he spotted his own skin. Not good.


    ¡°Fu-¡° the chain popped through the fold in space behind him and caught him in the back, dragging him violently back through his own reconstructed portal.


    Garth slammed into the ground, back underneath the orc, and back in front of the other one bearing down on him, aiming for a kick. This time he was facing up, into the snarling tusker way too close for comfort.


    Garth threw his arm over his head just in time to take a kick that nearly snapped his neck. The mithril toed boots gouged out a chunk of flesh from his arm and almost dislodged him from beneath the other orc.


    Garth took the opportunity as they slid across the ground to shove the armored soldier off of him, sending the tough orc reeling through the air, hitting the ground with a plume of dust.


    Garth pushed himself to his feet in a fraction of a second, watching the two orcs and panting as the flesh around his arm cinched shut in a matter of heartbeats.


    This might be a bit of a problem.


    The orcs were manageable, but the fancy man was making things difficult.


    The two veterans looked at each other and shared a nod, unsheathing their swords.


    Goddamnit.


    Garth made a new lantern, put his head down and rushed Argus, forcing the man¡¯s bodyguards to move to keep up with him. As he did, Garth began to spin his lantern, orienting the rotation perpendicular to his sprint, willing the void into a magic consuming shield.


    It was a tactic that Cass had taught him for closing the gap with another wizard when you don¡¯t know what kind of shit they have up their sleeves. Hopefully if Argus fired anything at him in haste, it would be torn apart. Once he was close enough he could channel mana through his foot again and attack from an unexpected direction.


    The orcs, despite wearing full armor, were fast, and they reached Garth in about half the time it would take to reach the other mage.


    Garth channeled the Mana in his lantern into an omni-directional explosion of wood, choking the air with solid plant flesh that was harder than steel.


    Garth sprinted through it like a fish through water, dissolving some of it into ash, allowing other wood to push against his back and propel him forward.


    Garth felt a bit like a bullet shot out of a railgun, popping out of the tangle of wood at breakneck speeds, rushing the other mage so quickly he wasn¡¯t even touching the ground.


    When Garth¡¯s Lantern intersected Argus¡¯s, the man¡¯s face peeled away and dissolved into meaningless mana, revealing something sharp and made of metal.


    Garth put a foot down and nearly twisted his ankle out of its socket getting his head and neck out of the way of the slashing attack that had been hidden by illusion. The blade changed its angle suddenly, swooping down and impacting against the bone of his right arm.


    ¡°AAGH!¡± Garth let out a shout as he scrambled backward, waiting for his bone to heal.


    ¡°You might be weak, but you were well trained, I¡¯ll give you that.¡± Argus glanced at his sword.


    ¡°Strong bones too. You weren¡¯t experimenting on yourself were you? That¡¯s illegal too, and you don¡¯t seem the type.¡±


    ¡°Why would I want to seem the type?¡± Garth said, growling in pain as the wound closed.


    ¡°Ah. Now I¡¯m curious.¡±


    Space mana folded around Argus.


    Garth tried to dodge, but the blade had already come down on his arm, seemingly before the teleportation had finished. The mithril sang with mana directed from the man¡¯s Lantern, held behind him like a fencer.


    The reinforced blade sliced through Garth¡¯s arm, easily lopping it off above the elbow.


    ¡°Gah!¡± Garth lunged away, directing his focus on the spores sloughing off his skin, changing them into poisonous self-immolating flesh-eaters. The gate in his armpit closed his vein just like he¡¯d designed it to, stopping the blood flooding from his arm mid-gush.


    Meanwhile, the Orcs had cut their way out of the tangle and leapt at him.


    Garth swung his remaining arm, directing a blast of wind filled with the microscopic spores at the orcs.


    One dodged out of the way, while the other guarded against the wind with his forearm.


    The orc fell to the ground, howling in pain as his flesh swelled inside his armor, bits of pus filled skin oozing out the cracks. He began to shiver violently as the other tried to narrow the distance between the two of them.


    Garth filled the air with the spores and spun them around himself in a tornado, forcing the other orc to jump away, his hands swelling as the spores spread their poisonous roots.


    ¡°Burn!¡± Garth shouted, releasing a wave of trigger mana. The two orcs burst into flame wherever the spores had taken root.


    Their screams raised in pitch before the fire winked out of existence a moment later, dissolved into nothing but mana.


    In front of Garth¡¯s eyes, the orc¡¯s flesh began to heal. Beyond them, Argus winked.


    ¡°Tired of your shit, asshole!¡± Garth shouted, pointing at the wizard with his left hand as his right arm slowly regrew. It would take ten minutes or so before it was up to working again, and that was way too slow.


    How Cass had managed it, Garth would never know.


    ¡°I think you¡¯re doing rather well.¡± Argus said with a grin. Garth wasn¡¯t stupid enough to think he had a chance. The guy had simply countered everything he¡¯d done. Like an adult playing with a child. Or a cat with a mouse.


    The thought made Garth burn with fury. He would bloody this fucker¡¯s nose if it was the last thing he did.


    ¡°See if you can take this,¡± Garth said, channeling the power of Pala as he made a pretty light dance in front of him while directing most of his mana through his feet.


    ¡°Go on then,¡± Argus said, amused.


    Garth popped one of the Illusion spells buried in his shoulder blade, making a clone of himself directly on top of his position as he turned invisible and dropped into the pit his tree was digging.


    The illusion released the fake ¡®Spell¡¯ fractions of a second before Garth¡¯s tree popped out of the ground, aiming spear-like thorns at the other wizard¡¯s flesh, Garth riding along in the hollow trunk.


    Garth felt the tree screech to a halt just shy of the wizard, all the mana that had been moving it dispersed in an instant. He could feel the other mage through the senses built into the tree. He knew he was arm¡¯s length away. Perfect.


    ¡°You¡¯re going to have to do better than-¡°


    Garth¡¯s hand burst through the thick bark of the tree, catching the effeminate elf by the back of the neck and hauling him forward, toward where Garth¡¯s face was bursting through the bark.


    Garth head-butted the elf right in the face, using the reinforced bones of his forehead to break his nose. Probably should have gone for the jugular, but there¡¯s something to be said about damaging someone¡¯s face.


    Argus fell backwards with a spray of blood, and Garth followed him, shaping a wooden blade out of thin air as he fell forward, intent on skewering the little prick.


    ¡°STOP!¡±


    That one word sent a blast of energy through the scene, halting everything and everyone, catching Garth in mid-fall, blade aimed at the pompous elf¡¯s midsection. The status band on Garth¡¯s wrist heated up, burning into his skin.


    What the hell kind of magic was this?


    Argus righted himself and touched a hand to his nose, astonished at the sight of his own blood. Garth was still trapped in place, desperately struggling to move.


    ¡°You-¡° he started to speak, his jaw hanging ¡°I am an elf!¡± His voice began to raise in volume and pitch.


    ¡°You can¡¯t touch me, you ignorant-¡° He seemed to be at a loss for words. ¡°Whatever the hell you are!¡±


    Argus raised his hands and mana swirled around him under tight control, weaving so tight around him it was machinelike.


    ¡°The laws of this universe were authored for us! Kiss the ground for the mere notion that we might breathe the same air as you, you filthy, ignorant, feral animal!¡±


    Argus panted, his eyes obviously wild with the desire to inflict physical harm, but the aristocrat restrained himself. Out of the corner of his eye, Garth could see Argus¡¯s face turn red before three flashes of light came from his hands, and Garth¡¯s limbs went numb.


    The world started moving again, dropping Garth onto the dusty concrete road filled with the remnants of battle. Garth¡¯s three remaining limbs were completely immobile, and he somehow couldn¡¯t tap into the Lantern buried in his head.


    ¡°Arrest him, we need him alive to know how far his influence spread across Earth. Burn the city to the ground.¡±


    MOVE! Garth thought as he stared at his own immobile hand.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 99: Eight Thousand Tons of Muscle.

    Garth felt a cold steel circle snap shut around his neck, and his Mana Sight popped off like a defective lightbulb, leaving him with the mundane view of the world he¡¯d almost forgotten.


    Garth was hauled to his feet, feeling slowly returning to his limbs a moment before manacles were placed on his feet and hand. The Orc gave Garth¡¯s regrowing arm nub a confused stare for a moment before he shrugged and left the last one hooked onto itself.


    Good. In a few minutes, he¡¯d have a functioning arm. In the meantime, though, the immediate problem was-


    ¡°Divisions one and two, through the gate!¡± an orc wearing a bright red sash shouted, pointing forward as the front two fifths of the army rushed the closed gate, somehow sprinting in lockstep.


    A handful of bolts flashed from the walls and bounced off the soldiers heavy armor, while most of the people on the wall paled and ran. A moment later, the last few brave men and women on the wall were scooped up and carried kicking and away by their companions.


    Garth didn¡¯t hold it against them. They had just seen their nuclear deterrent get his ass kicked. Now he was chained up and it was looking pretty bad.


    There was still a little bit he could do to maybe help his family.


    ¡°There¡¯s no reason to attack them! You already have the guy you were looking for! Let these people go free and I¡¯ll help you. I can remove all the tech from the city!¡± Garth shouted, trying to get Argus¡¯s attention.


    The elf dabbed his bleeding nose with a gold-embroidered handkerchief, and glared up at Garth.


    ¡°I think we both know that the concept behind many of these technologies is already common knowledge among your people. If I don¡¯t rip the ideas out from the root, they¡¯ll spread and grow. Besides, what could I possibly need your help with?¡±


    The land behind Argus brightened to near blinding levels for a brief instant, casting him in silouhette for an instant as the wall surrounding the city exploded outward, filling the entire battlefield with shrapnel.


    The wood pelted off an invisible dome around the two of them, but the rest of the vanguard wasn¡¯t so lucky.


    Everywhere, veteran soldiers were dead, rolling in pain, limping away, or cinching off exposed arteries where their limbs had been torn asunder by wood that made steel look like play-do.


    A few seconds later, the veterans began to froth at the mouth and scream wildly, setting upon each other with their swords and their teeth, mad with rage. The green grass outside the walls soaked up orc blood.


    Grass was really earning his keep.


    ¡°Could¡¯a helped you with that.¡± Garth said with a shrug as the next two divisions were ordered to restrain their brethren while the toxins ran their course.


    ¡°What in the world?¡± The Elf said, his jaw hanging open. ¡°There was no spell there! No magic at all!¡±


    ¡°What can I say, we humans are really good at killing without magic.¡±


    ¡°That wasn¡¯t good! you just¡­ Flung sharp, poisoned wood at them really hard!¡±


    Garth tested the chains, and received a tiny flash of pain when he tried to reach out for the mana in the environment, accompanied by a small glow. He stopped and glanced up, surveying the total chaos on the battlefield in front of them.


    ¡°Worked, didn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Now you have no wall.¡± Argus scoffed, pointing at the splintered, carbonized remains of their city wall.


    There was a strange squeaking, like Styrofoam against plastic, as green shoots of new Claymore Wood began to grow through the hollowed remains of the previous generation, regrowing from the roots. The wall was a tuber.


    ¡°Huh, weird.¡± Garth said. Clark must have emergency rerouted the mana from the non-essential city infrastructure to the wall and then told Grass to blow it.


    Cool.


    ¡°No. NO!¡± Argus shouted, spreading his hands wide in front of him.


    The light of the sun dimmed an instant before a beam of light twenty feet wide caught the regrowing gate and turned it to ash, scouring a glass valley straight into the heart of the city.


    Garth closed his eyes against the light, and when he blinked the dots out of them, he saw a long glass trough, crackling and fracturing as the heat left it. The Gatehouse and fifty feet of buildings behind it had simply ceased to exist.


    ¡°There,¡± Argus said, hauling Garth to his feet and pointing. ¡°Brute force. Something your shit-flinging monkey brain can understand.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to kill these people.¡± Garth said, meeting the elf¡¯s eyes.


    ¡°They killed hundreds of Inner Sphere Soldiers,¡± Argus said with a sneer. ¡°Their lives are forfeit.¡±


    Garth glanced at a maddened soldier who stabbed one of his comrades before being decapitated by another.


    ¡°Technically, I think your Inner Sphere Soldiers have done more damage to themselves.¡±


    ¡°You just can¡¯t-¡° Argus struck Garth across the face, knocking him back to the ground. The chains on his legs prevented him from catching himself. ¡°Help yourself, can you?¡±


    ¡°I think I left my ability to feel fear with my familiar.¡± Garth said, chuckling into the dirt.


    ****


    ¡°Hurry, get them to the China portal!¡± Wilson said, nearly hyperventilating as he zoomed through the air, herding Sandi and the girls through the city, toward their first intercontinental trade portal. The purple toddlers were far too small and ungainly to run, so they were squealing with delight, riding on their mother¡¯s back as she navigated the crowd of people heading for the safety of China. Never thought I¡¯d think that phrase.


    Once the girls were on the other side, Wilson could give Garth the signal, and Garth could teleport to the gate.


    Then they would cut the connection between the two gates. Maybe everyone wouldn¡¯t have evacuated yet, but the important people would be where they needed to be.


    Live to fight another day.


    Sandi was making good time, able to walk over most people while her Lure slipped through them.


    ¡°What about my parents?¡± Sandi shouted up at Wilson, who was busy experiencing how the fight was going through Garth¡¯s emotions. Not well, from what he could feel.


    ¡°They¡¯re miles to the north, and they¡¯re not human. We¡¯ll send them mail to act like they don¡¯t know us. Should be good enough! Now hurry up, you can¡¯t send a letter if you¡¯re dead!¡± Wilson shouted over the clamor of the crowd that was slowly beginning to choke the streets.


    It shouldn¡¯t be this crowded, Wilson thought. After all, the portal to China was maybe forty feet wide, plenty big enough for people to evacuate the city. Fifty thousand in five minutes? Doable. So why?


    Wilson had a sinking sensation in his gut.


    ¡°Keep moving, I¡¯m gonna go ahead and check something!¡± Wilson floated up and sped toward the massive tree that hosted the portal.


    What he saw there made him come to a dead stop in midair, heart wrenching with despair.


    Rather than the view of a Chinese pavilion through the portal, there was only a view of the beach and the pacific ocean beyond between the two massive branches that came together to make the gate.


    ¡°Shit,¡± Wilson said, at a loss. What had happened to-


    The robbers must have meant to use the China gate to escape, and then cut it off. Their friends had written them off and bailed, destroying the gate in the process.


    ¡°Son of a bitch!¡±


    What the hell where they supposed to do now?


    A burly man, nearly seven feet tall and wearing official attire stood up on the defunct portal shouted and waved his hands, gathering everyone¡¯s attention.


    ¡°Everyone, go to the Dungeon Street Dungeons! The military is going to protect you there!¡±


    Dungeon Street had been renamed such because it had managed to connect three nearby dungeons together, creating the major artery for the city¡¯s crab-monster based food trade, along with sundries like pearls, and the occasional treasure.


    The three dungeons might be big enough to fit all fifty thousand people, standing room only. But when the enemy army came knocking, how long could they last?


    With magic that summoned water, cooked food, and giant crab-monsters spawning constantly¡­Maybe quite a while.


    Wilson glanced out to the beach, where the last of the sailing ships had left the docks, fleeing the city in droves. Nothing was left that was big enough to accommodate more than a single person.


    ¡°Damnit!¡±


    He flew back to Sandi as the crowd began to shift, beginning to flow toward Dungeon Street.


    ¡°Change of plans! These people are going to Dungeon Street!¡± Wilson said. ¡°I want you to head to the beach and follow it north. There¡¯s a thin band of sand you can follow to get around the mountains. That should get you out of their range after a day or two. It should take them a long time to crack those dungeons open and kill the idiots hiding inside, plenty of time to hook up with your parents and take the kids to the nearest outpost!¡±


    Sandi stared at him, horrified, and Wilson knew he¡¯d phrased it wrong.


    ¡°I¡¯m not abandoning these people! I¡¯m gonna help defend the city!¡±


    Shit. Why did I have to marry such a stupid, good-natured person?


    ¡°Please!¡± Wilson shouted.


    ¡°I¡¯m not abandoning the city, and I¡¯m not abandoning you, Garth!¡±


    An explosion rumbled in the distance as the city wall exploded


    ¡°Goddamnit,¡± Wilson snarled, following after her as she put her foot down and started helping people who had fallen, trying to save as many people as possible, stopping to help a woman with a stroller, facing the wrong direction.


    What about my kids? Wilson thought desperately as Sandi fucked around helping others when she could be getting out of dodge.


    ¡°Ma¡¯am, you¡¯re facing the wrong way, we¡¯ve got to get to Dungeon street,¡± Sandi said, approaching them.


    ¡°Not to worry, dear, We¡¯ll be fine.¡± The woman, who looked like she¡¯d been torn out of a nineteen thirties magazine, smiled at them, the very picture of calm.


    Did that baby just wink at me? Wilson thought.


    ****


    With a dismissive gesture, Argus caused Garth to float into the air, still bound by the mana-suppressing chains.


    It didn¡¯t seem to block his implants from functioning, Garth thought as he experimentally wiggled his free stub, just a bit bigger than it had been a minute before. Maybe he could trigger an Illusion Escape or a Teleport given the right opportunity.


    The question was, how would he make sure the collar around his neck wouldn¡¯t come with him?


    ¡°Come, criminal. You¡¯ll get to witness what happens to people who do not know their place.¡±


    ¡°Oh joy,¡± Garth said, his mind running through every possibility he could think of to escape the collar. Nothing seemed like it would be sure to stick save decapitation. Garth could probably survive that. Maybe.


    How convenient.


    Now he just needed to find someone to cut off his head.


    ¡°Division four, advance!¡± the leader shouted, leading the charge through the gap in the walls. They stormed into the streets, moving at superhuman speeds.


    The army plowed into a knot of civilians in the street struggling to get away.


    God I hope Sandi isn¡¯t in there, Garth thought uncharitably as the screaming citizens were cut down trying to escape. The orc soldiers roughly thrust the bodies to the side of the street


    Garth didn¡¯t see any Succubus body among the dead, and he prayed his baby momma had gotten away. Maybe if he could break his feet, he could slide the shackles off¡­


    Garth, we got problems, Sandi¡¯s trying to be a hero. Wilson got in touch with him through their shared thoughts.


    What? Make her get away! Garth shot back.


    Can¡¯t. We¡¯re entering the second dungeon on dungeon street with the kids. Do what you can, bro.


    ¡°You know what kind of situation I¡¯m in!¡± Garth shouted, earning an odd look from his captors.


    ¡°Damnit!¡± Garth dropped to the ground and aimed to gnaw off his hand and feet.


    A solid blow to his head made his vision fill with stars as time seemed to start skipping around. Garth blinked a couple times as the scenes of carnage continued one after another.


    ¡°Lieutenant Dan! A man in a buzzcut with a pair of dogtags and army fatigues shouted, crouched over another man with short black hair with an open vest, missing his legs.


    He had an Alabama accent.


    A few seconds later, he was cut down beside his friend, spurting blood from his neck.


    Did I just see that?


    Garth blinked a couple times as a woman walking her baby in nineteen-thirties clothes was set upon, cleaved in two, her baby dashed on the ground.


    ¡°Where shall I go? What shall I do?¡± A tearful woman clung to a rather dapper looking gentleman, merely a hundred feet ahead of the advancing army.


    ¡°Frankly my dear, I don¡¯t give a damn.¡± He shook her off him and turned to run shortly before they were murdered.


    Okay, something weird is going on, Garth thought as Argus cackled, setting fire to the surrounding buildings as his army marched through them.


    They reached the center of the city when a bizarre sight brought their rapid advance to a halt.


    A wall of pulsing flesh dominated the center of the street, dozens of beating hearts the size of refrigerators pulsed in the near-transparent flesh, while monstrous fetuses with bulging foreheads and strange jaw-like formations on their chests writhed.


    They kicked and squirmed against the clear placentas, ready to be born.


    ¡°What in the nine hells is that?¡± Argus said, staring at the disgusting side, all pretense of composure dropped.


    ¡°My lord.¡± The orc commander said, grabbing Argus¡¯s shoulder and pointing.


    Silently surrounding them was every victim of their slaughter, pale and dripping blood. Along with thousands of dogs, cats, cows, rats, birds¡­All watching them, motionless.


    The closest victim of their murderous invasion raised her hand and pointed at them, her nearly severed head opening it¡¯s mouth.


    As one, their mouths opened wide, unhinging like a snake, and a deafening shriek assaulted their ears. Every single animal made the same teakettle whistling sound as the thousands of bodies began to charge Argus¡¯s formation with brutal speed.


    That was a hell of an ambush.


    ¡°Kolath protect us!¡± Argus shrieked, diving into the deepest point of the formation. To their credit, the veteran soldiers didn¡¯t panic and made a hasty box formation, setting their shields and weapons in front of them.


    It didn¡¯t help.


    The creatures, who Garth suspected of being Dr. Daniels, morphed around their weapons and blasts of fire, forcing themselves into every orifice and eating the soldiers out from the inside in explosions of blood and viscera.


    ¡°Can one of you guys cut my head off?¡± Garth asked, pointing at his collar.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 100: Best laid Plants

    The formation of orcs melted away from the onslaught of zombie humans, torn apart by the horns of bulls stronger than they had any right to be, walking engines of destruction. Seagulls swooped down from above, pecking at the soldier¡¯s exposed eyes with deceptively sharp bills, all the while mimicking the screams of their victims.


    ¡°No, stop, help me! It hurts!¡± The seagulls screamed jovially in their awful voices.


    Argus, in the center of the formation, turned pale, his eyes wide as he shielded himself with magic before blinking out of existence, presumably teleporting to the rest of his army.


    As the soldiers were swept away, Garth was left standing with half a dozen zombie-looking humans lurching toward him, clawed hands aimed in his direction, their teeth gnashing.


    ¡°You can stop with the theatrics,¡± Garth said. ¡°Can I get some help with this or what?¡± He pointed at the metallic collar.


    The lead zombie stood up straight and sighed.


    ¡°You¡¯re no fun, dude.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have time to dick around, just like I don¡¯t have time to ask you why you¡¯ve got Susan Grey¡¯s dog in your little zombie horde there.¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± The zombie said with a shrug, the other five mangled corpses limping past him to feed on the dead.


    Without warning, the zombie lunged forward, its hand flashing forward, catching Garth under the chin with some kind of blade that hadn¡¯t been there a moment ago.


    ****


    ¡°Son of a bitch!¡± Garth shouted, his whole body shivering. The bloody collar lay on the ground beside him, where Dr. Daniels had flicked it off his stump of a neck before Garth had floated his head back down and reattached it.


    Thank god he hadn¡¯t had to do it with his teeth, because he¡¯d been fading a lot faster than he¡¯d thought he would.


    Testing of the backup systems in his head was complete, only problem was how much it hurt.


    Despite having turned his pain receptor¡¯s maximum fire rate down, he had still nearly passed out when his head had been separated from his body. Not to mention, the base of his spinal column being damaged caused a lot more sensory distress than he¡¯d expected.


    All told, it was a shitty experience that he hoped he wouldn¡¯t have to repeat and it was everything he could do not to toss his cookies.


    ¡°What are you complaining about? I get my head cut off all the time.¡± Dr. D said with a shrug. There was an orcish grunt of effort and a head flew by them, tumbling down the road.


    ¡°Case in point.¡±


    ¡°Screw you,¡± Garth said, working the stiffness out of the muscles in his neck. ¡°Where¡¯s Jim?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s up there,¡± Dr. Daniels said, pointing at the mountains, where they could just barely make out Jim¡¯s thousand hoplites storming down the mountain, using the slope to boost the force of their charge.


    ¡°Kinda outnumbered, aren¡¯t they?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Can I get a hand taking off my hands?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s see,-¡° Chop ¡°the wall took out maybe five thousand and disabled seven more ¨C ¡° chop ¡° I just got ten soo..¡± Chop ¡°Yeah, He¡¯s gonna have a hard time. I¡¯m gonna be using these ten K to dig into their side and relieve the pressure on him.¡±


    ¡°I think I can do better.¡± Garth said, flexing his reattached limbs.


    ¡°Knock yourself out.¡± The assimilated orcs started cleaning themselves up and straightening their armor. Their leader winked at Garth before leading the charge back the way they¡¯d come.


    ¡°Don¡¯t mind if I do,¡± Garth said, sitting crosslegged on the side of the street, sitting in Grass¡¯s soft blades.


    Garth reached down and connected to Grass¡¯s senses, getting a feel for the battlefield. There were still some twenty-eight thousand soldiers, making a bee-line for the East Valley, the only way in and out of the city.


    Grass, there are people trying to hurt your people, I¡¯m giving you some help.


    Garth weaved together everything he knew. Design Plant and Plant Growth. Spell Theory, Create Life, Recursive Casting, and all of a dozen things he¡¯d studied in the year and a half since he¡¯d settled down here.


    He focused on a single spore and grew it into poisonous wood, harder and more flexible than mithril. Then he applied the knowledge he¡¯d gained from a year of designing plants to spin their own simple spells, Experiments he¡¯d started with pot that would float, heal, or protect itself.


    That felt like forever ago.


    In this case, he added the recipe for the Fly spell, a rocket engine, and a couple pounds of explosives, along with paralytic poison.


    Garth keyed those last two traits to randomly deactivate in the plant¡¯s offspring, so that there would be a variety of explosive and non-explosive darts for different situations. Poisonous, explosive darts weren¡¯t always good if there could be collateral damage.


    Garth was making self-propelling darts again, but this time they were going to be alive, floating until in use, and under the command of Grass. More like cruise missiles than anything, really.


    Garth grew the spore into a seed, about half the size of Garth¡¯s pinky, before he gave the creature a pep-talk/mission statement.


    Alright, listen up, there are a lot of bad people doing bad things to our friends and family, and we need you to go in there and selflessly perforate them, giving your life for the lives of our citizens.


    I know, it¡¯s a shit job, but you¡¯re gonna have a hell of a time screaming through the air at hundreds of miles an hour before you bury yourself in some unsuspecting asshole¡¯s chest and make him and his friends into mincemeat.


    Your Coordinator is Grass of the L.A. Defense Team. Once you have your orders, he¡¯ll show you where to go.


    Garth reached down to Grass and established the psychic link between the two of them.


    The typical mad scientist doubts niggled at the back of Garth¡¯s mind, but Garth set them aside. He was aware that a vengeful Grass with access to cruise missiles would be dangerous, but that was a problem for another day.


    Right now there were nearly thirty thousand bad guys running away from the city so that they could attack it later.


    Now was the time for hardball politics.


    The Inner Sphere would never spend more money taming Earth than they would make on its taxes. If Garth wiped out the opposing force, they would think twice about wasting the resources to send another one, rather than sitting down at the bargaining table.


    This must be how clans are formed.


    Garth put the finishing touches on the creature, mentally apologizing for such a short lifespan.


    The Vagaries of mana have caused a Critical Success! The spell has outperformed your expectations!


    Design Plants proficiency has reached 98%!


    Create Life proficiency has reached 4%!


    ¡°Whoah,¡± Garth said, taking a second look at the beautiful web of mana in the seed with his mind¡¯s eye. It wasn¡¯t nearly as advanced as Ms.Banyan, but he¡¯d jumped from 2% to 4% in one critical success.


    ¡°Only one thing left to do.¡± Garth muttered, injecting the seed with Mana.


    ¡°Fly my pretties!¡± Garth shouted, sitting crosslegged in the middle of a blood-soaked warzone, tossing a seed above his head.


    The seed exploded into motion, expanding in the air above him, writhing and wiggling as it elongated.


    Garth hadn¡¯t put much emphasis on how it looked in his mind, only what it did, so he was curious to see what a critical success would do. Those didn¡¯t come around that often.


    The seed started as an amorphous blob, wiggling in the air, jerkily pushing itself forward in a wormlike manner. After a moment of experimenting, fins emerged from the creature, and the head became more compact, with a nose that extended to a razor-sharp point about two and a half feet in length.


    Garth blinked a couple times. Above him, a dark brown swordfish nearly seven feet in length swam lazy circles above his head. The creature¡¯s fins were reinforced leaves, its stomach roiling with mana that it compressed into a cloud underneath it to support itself. Its nose was wicked sharp, and stronger than wood had any right to be.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s interesting,¡± Garth said, coming to his feet. ¡°I dub thee, the Special Weapons Ordinance Rare, umm¡­ well, I don¡¯t really have time to make an acronym that spells swordfish right now.¡± Garth shrugged.


    The creature noticed Garth¡¯s movement and reacted to it, changing its orbit around him, watching his movements.


    ¡°Your name is Swordfish. Not particularly creative, but meaningful enough. Now, I need you to make babies and then go splatter some baddies.¡±


    The creature dropped a cloud of floating seeds into the air from its cloaca before swimming off into the sky, under the direction of Grass.


    Garth pulled in mana and matured every single seed until there was a school of fish missiles darkening the sky above him. It only took a couple seconds, and by the time he¡¯d finished with the last of them, there was a powerful detonation in the distance as Swordfish gave her life for the cause.


    Maybe Garth should make a little statue of the first swordfish.


    Nah.


    ¡°I wanna see this.¡± Garth said, rising into the air in the center of the school whirling blades.


    ****


    Wilson and Sandi were far in the back of the second dungeon, taking shelter from the army outside. They were nestled in the very back of the dungeon, beside the young Core. In all directions was a relentless crush of bodies.


    In the distance, there was a commotion as a spawned monster terrorized some kids before it could get put down. The monsters in the first floor of this baby dungeon were mostly crabs and turtles, owing to their proximity to the ocean. In the future, there was a good chance entire floor would be underwater.


    In the distance, there was a clamor of voices and the cracking of wood.


    ¡°Who brings a wagon into a dungeon? Fucking moron!¡±


    ¡°Get it out of the way, we can¡¯t get in!¡±


    Sandi peered over the heads of the other refugees huddled against the floor, her expression determined.


    ¡°Wilson, I¡¯m going to go help people by the entrance, watch the girls for me.¡± Sandi said, gently setting her daughters on the ground in front of him.


    ¡°Wait, i-¡°


    ¡°Thank you!¡± Sandi said, running above the crowd towards the entrance.


    Goddamnit. Now Wilson was split between going after Sandi and keeping confused and tearful toddlers from getting crushed in the press of bodies.


    There wasn¡¯t really a choice. Someone was already starting to spill into the empty space Sandi had left behind. In a half hour, the kids would be smothered.


    Wilson let out a grunt of pure frustration before grabbing Lucy, Betty, and Marylin, setting them close together.


    I hate doing this. He thought, then unrolled, his body decompressing into a wall of sundew.


    Wilson sank roots into the ground and wrapped around the kids, his thorns pointed outward.


    The three toddlers, deprived of their mother and locked into a confined space, began to bawl, sending waves of anxiety flooding through the dungeon. Little psychic bastards.


    ¡°Hey, hey,¡± Wilson said, manifesting a face as best he could on the inside of the wall of plant matter. ¡°It¡¯s okay, your mom is gonna be right back as soon as she¡¯s done being a dummy.¡±


    ¡°Mom Not Dumb!¡± Lucy gave an ear-piercing shout, which was soon picked up by the other three, and chanted directly into Wilson¡¯s ear canal.


    ¡°Gah, okay, mommy is awesome, Just...we gotta calm down, so everyone else can calm down.¡±


    They gave him a blank stare.


    I hate my life.


    ¡°Do you girls wanna play a game? Tic tac toe, or how about¡­tickle war!¡±


    He tagged one of the three with his dew-covered spines, being deliberately careful not to hurt them.


    Marylin squealed and tried to bat away his spine while the others tried to catch it.


    Everyone in the room breathed a bit easier without the inexplicable sense of dread hovering over them.


    I wish Ms. Banyan were here.


    ****


    Garth landed on the wall of the city, giving him an excellent view of the retreating army. Harried from both sides by Dr. Daniels and Jim, they had tightened into a defensive formation, inching toward the gap in the crescent shaped mountains while Argus fended off the horde of turned friendlies pouring down on them with a wall of fire. They were getting away.


    ¡°Grass, put five explosive swordfish near the rear of their formation. I think Dr. D can tolerate more shrapnel than Jim and his buddies. Send the non-explosive fish to impact their second line.¡±


    Garth felt a pulse of understanding from the city-wide network of sensitive grass below him, and a dozen fish left the school around Garth, soaring high up into the air before turning to dive toward the battle. Halfway to impact, their tails popped, shooting compressed flames out of their butts, destroying themselves to inflict damage on the enemy. Kinda like bees.


    The swordfish gained an unnatural amount of speed in those last few seconds of life, leaving behind a smoking trail as they tore through the air, impacting on the solid formation of orcs with devastating results.


    The explosions tore the rear line to shreds, leaving gaping holes in the formation, gaping holes in Grass and the earth beneath him. It even took out a few of Dr. Daniel¡¯s bodies, shredding them beyond recovery.


    A piece of shrapnel flew up from the battlefield, too fast for Garth¡¯s superhuman senses to see as it cut through the air. The sharp piece of wood slammed into Garth¡¯s defensive enchantments and ricocheted off his chest, leaving a smoking hole in his bloodstained clothes.


    If Garth had been a regular guy, he might have bought it just now. He mentally raised the danger level of the explosive swordfish.


    The second line of the orc formation was toppled over, crushed and skewered by the sheer mass of the oncoming missiles. Without them backing up the first line, Jim would be able to push it around much easier.


    They were about to wipe these bastards up.


    A seagull landed beside Garth and pinched his finger.


    ¡°Ow, what?¡±


    ¡°Swordfish, really?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what the spell wanted to be.¡± Garth said with a shrug.


    ¡°Well, aim a little better next time, because that stung like a bitch.¡±


    ¡°I thought they were zombies.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Nooot exactly¡­¡±


    ¡°We need to have a talk about this. But not right now.¡± Garth glanced at the seagull beside him. ¡°Think you can capture that Argus fellow? He might be worth more to us alive.¡±


    ¡°I can do that.¡± The seagull nodded and flapped away.


    Assuming he doesn¡¯t teleport away.


    Dr. Garth would probably go for the magic-suppressing collar and manacles, then sneak up on the bastard using the body of someone familiar.


    Garth didn¡¯t need to be privy to every little detail.


    He stood on the wall, watching as the enemy army was torn to shreds. The orcs began to surrender, laying down their weapons and putting their hands in the air in the universal symbol of ¡®I give up!¡¯


    ¡°Grass, tell Jim to cool it.¡± Dr. Garth had been able to take in the situation as a whole and was taking prisoners, but Jim was in the thick of things, cutting down orcs left and right.


    A moment later, his gleaming unit of veterans retreated from the fight and stood by as the enemy began to surrender.


    A clinking noise behind him nearly made Garth jump, turning to see what was sneaking up on him.


    Sandi stood there, wearing his custom-made chainmail tunic.


    It was a long story how Garth had managed to make mithril chainmail that existed as an idea, involving baking the object in rare thought-clay until it ceased to exist and pumping oodles of very specific mana into the resulting mold, creating an illusion based on an idea.


    One thing Garth was sure of, was that Sandi¡¯s lure had a bigger influence on the illusionary chainmail than he¡¯d planned on. The metal links seemed to be vacuum sealed onto her body, and just wide-gauged enough to leave no illusions about the flesh that lay underneath the metal rings.


    Garth shook his head and stopped staring.


    ¡°What are you doing here? Where are the kids?¡±


    ¡°Wilson is watching them.¡± Sandi said. ¡°We¡¯re in the same party. We should fight together.¡± She raised her chin and gave him a determined look.


    Garth glanced down at the battlefield below them, where things were wrapping up nicely. He spotted three orc soldiers wrestle Argus to the ground, a shiny metal collar around his neck. Had everything still been going down, Garth would have had a hard time deciding whether or not to send her away, but since the war was basically over¡­


    ¡°Sorry to say, the fighting¡¯s already done.¡± Garth shrugged.


    Sandi¡¯s expression clouded with equal amounts of disappointment and relief.


    ¡°Wanna interrogate the prisoner with me?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Can I?¡± She said, lighting up.


    ****


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if the elves have invented this or not¡­¡± Garth said, with a towel in his hand. He and Sandi were standing in the middle of the ripped and torn battlefield, with Argus strapped to a table, watched by the orcs who had been under his command until a few minutes ago.


    ¡°But this is considered some of the most effective torture we humans have. So if you¡¯d like to spare yourself a tremendous amount of discomfort, you might want to start talking.¡±


    ¡°What, is the most effective torture for humans a bath?¡± Argus said with a sneer. ¡°Do your worst, and make sure to get behind my ears.¡± A few of his orcs chuckled.


    ¡°Okay, you asked for it.¡± Garth pulled the towel tight over Argus¡¯s face and Sandi started pouring the water out of her jug, onto the towel.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never waterboarded someone before,¡± Garth turned to Paul who was watching with his arms crossed. ¡°How long should I keep it up, exactly?¡±


    ¡°Well, there¡¯s a lot of variables, especially considering that Endurance can raise your tolerance to oxygen deprivation. I¡¯d say to draw a bell curve with the subject¡¯s thrashing. Once their struggling gets past the climax and starts to weaken, that¡¯s when you wanna give them a moment to breathe.¡±


    The ex-SEAL knew a thing or two about torture.


    Argus tried to take a breath, and realized he was basically drowning. The heavy ironwood table creaked as he began thrashing with superhuman strength underneath the towel.


    Garth gave him a good two minutes of drowning, before taking the towel off his face. Argus gasped in wretchedly, coughing out dribbles of water that had invaded his throat.


    ¡°You spineless coward! Kill me!¡± Argus shouted, his throat hoarse.


    ¡°Not the words I¡¯m looking for.¡± Garth put the towel back over his face.


    ***a Handful of waterboardings later***


    ¡°I think I¡¯m really starting to enjoy myself.¡± Garth said, watching Sandi¡¯s heaving breasts through the sheer chainmail.


    ¡°He¡¯s passing out.¡± Sandi said.


    ¡°Oh, right.¡± Garth pulled the towel away from Argus¡¯s face. The sun was starting to head toward the horizon, and the shadows were getting longer.


    Argus choked and spit water, his body clearing his lungs on reflex as tears and snot streamed down his face.


    ¡°Anything, I¡¯ll tell you anything!¡± he shrieked.


    ¡°But that¡¯s not what I want.¡± Garth said, getting ready to put the towel over the elf¡¯s face again.


    ¡°What do you want!?¡± he cried.


    ¡°I think he¡¯s ready,¡± the muscle-bound Ex-SEAL whispered in his ear. ¡°Destroy his pride.¡±


    Garth tapped his chin thoughtfully.


    ¡°Say elves drool, humans rule.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Argus said, his frows furrowing in confusion. ¡°Why-¡°


    His questions were interrupted by another waterboarding.


    ¡°No questions,¡± Garth said, taking the towel away once the thrashing had stopped. ¡°Just do what I say.¡± The orcs that were watching were no longer amused.


    ¡°elves¡­drool, humans rule.¡± Argus whimpered as Paul clapped Garth on the shoulder with a grin.


    ¡°Now, tell me everything you know about methods to secure Earth as an independent state.¡±


    The elf opened his mouth to speak when a voice seemed to emanate from everywhere at once.


    ¡°What is going on here?¡± The earth rumbled and Grass seemed to wilt in fright.


    Garth glanced around, then up, spotting a formation of some eight hundred men standing in mid-air, With an aged corio with massive gilded horns at the front of them. Who the hell were these guys?


    ¡°Negotiations.¡± Garth said, projecting his voice magically and patting Argus¡¯s cheek. ¡°May I help you?¡±


    ¡°Castavelle De¡¯chestaland. You will surrender any object or person that has come into contact with the fugitive, as well as his apprentice.¡±


    Several things became clear.


    Cassius wasn¡¯t the old bastard¡¯s real name, and Garth wasn¡¯t going to survive this if they found out he was the aforementioned apprentice. Each one of those men and women felt unfathomably dangerous on Garth¡¯s Bad-news-o-meter.


    ¡°He bailed with his apprentice about six hours ago, didn¡¯t say where he was going. We don¡¯t keep a catalogue of everything he¡¯s touched, but we can fork up everything we can think of.¡±


    ¡°I know what his apprentice looks like, Garth.¡± The corio pointed at Garth with a smug smile.


    ¡°Well, shit.¡± Garth glanced at the concerned faces around him before he looked back at the badasses floating above him.


    ¡°I¡¯m not going anywhere with you.¡±


    ¡°Not what I had in mind.¡± The corio said, extending a finger.


    A ball of white hot light the size of an elephant coalesced in front of him and shot forward, bearing down on Garth.


    Garth only had time to reach out with Telekinesis and shove Sandi away from him.


    Garth tried to Teleport, but something jammed the spell. He conjured a massive wall of around him and tried to sink into the earth, but the thick wood vanished in front of the brilliant light.


    The last thing Garth saw was Sandi¡¯s chainmail covered thigh before the ball of light caught him. Garth squinted his eyes against the glare and held his arms and legs in front of him, desperately trying to expend the energy of the spell before it hit his brain.


    The light worked its way up his arms in a fraction of a second, before he could even feel pain. For an instant, Garth¡¯s life flashed in front of his eyes, before the sphere of molten mana took those, too.


    Sorry man, I-


    ***


    ¡°Finally tired of tickle fights, huh?¡± Wilson said, physically and emotionally exhausted from keeping all three of the little monsters entertained.


    They¡¯d won.


    People were beginning to stream out of the dungeon again, returning to the surface in the aftermath of the battle. it was like being stuck at the rear end of the worst traffic jam in history. Or the back of the plane. It might be another hour or two before they were able to stand up and get out, with all the thousands of bodies crammed into the dungeon, and he¡¯d have to keep the busy throughout all of it.


    It didn¡¯t seem like it would be too hard. The three of them had nodded off, and Wilson figured he could take a moment to nap before he had to rouse them and start herding the unruly toddlers toward the exit.


    Wilson sighed and recompressed into his normal shape, lying down to relax for a moment. Having a real body was a bitch sometimes.


    Wilson heaved a sigh, then felt a spike of fear followed by strange burning sensation in his chest.


    Sorry man, I-


    ¡°Ow, ow, OW!¡± Flames burst out of Wilson¡¯s core, then his entire body began to glow with heat.


    Gotta save the kids. Wilson leapt away from the children fractions of a second before his entire body burst into raging flames.


    ¡°AAGH!¡±


    ***


    A howl split the air of the dungeon and Dr. Garth Daniels watched his doppleganger¡¯s familiar leap away from his children, glowing white hot.


    The dog-sized lizard knocked against the pedestal that supported the Core, dropping the dungeon¡¯s center on his white-hot skin, where it began to melt.


    Wilson¡¯s body began to melt down into slag, burning away in an explosion of heat, the sphere holding his essence melted deep into the floor, white hot.


    The lack of a dungeon core destabilized the semi-extra dimensional space, causing the stone above them to begin to shiver and buckle as the dungeon went through its death throes.


    This place is no longer safe. I¡¯ve got to get- Garth glanced over at where his nieces were woken up by the commotion, crying in fear.


    I¡¯ve got to get my family out of here.


    Garth scooped up the three toddlers, grew six extra legs with gecko pads and ran out of the dungeon along the ceiling, bypassing the screaming mass of civilians. He ran with everything he had, sometimes losing his footing, but always barely managing to hang onto the bucking ceiling, long enough to jump out of the dungeon entrance.


    Behind him, the dungeon collapsed, silencing the thousands of people who hadn¡¯t gotten out the door.


    Garth looked at the chaos around him, and saw floating men and women in blue and silver combing the city from the sky, picking up random people and objects with red beams of light before destroying them.


    ¡°What the hell is this, war of the worlds?¡±


    Garth paused briefly to consider that the aliens in war of the worlds were not military types, but instead stupid hick farmers who didn¡¯t pay any attention to the food safety briefing.


    Then he dove into a sewer, assuming a crablike form and scuttling toward the ocean while his other bodies bought as much time as they could.


    ¡°You girls are gonna be just fine, I promise.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    For the 100th chapter I decided to kill the MC. He''s gotta have a backstory right? More on that later.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 101: Garthspawn

    Garth fell a good four feet and landed on the dirty ground, bruising his shoulder. The light in the room was blinding, but it wasn¡¯t bright, it was more like he¡¯d never experienced light before.


    What the hell, I was playing cards with Hank¡­


    He squinted, trying to take in his blurry surroundings.


    He was naked, for one.


    Dirt walls.


    Bloodstained altar.


    Dozens of naked cultists surrounding a strange magic circle with about six dead guys piled up in it.


    What the hell? Is this one of Hank¡¯s pranks? Garth wouldn¡¯t put it past her. People in the afterlife got up to some pretty elaborate entertainment. Although with Beladia¡¯s crowd it was generally good natured. And sexy. The cultists were naked.


    And they were all staring at Garth. Might as well say something.


    ¡°I hope I¡¯m¡­¡± Garth tried to push himself to his feet, and found himself weaker than he¡¯d ever experienced, his arms wobbling as he tried to push himself to his feet. ¡°Not interrupting anything.¡± Garth collapsed back to the ground.


    What the hell? Hank couldn¡¯t dial down my strength as part of a prank unless Beladia was in on it.


    Garth glanced down at himself, and saw that his skin was smooth and hairless, light purple, arms and legs stick-thin. He was missing all his scars. In Beladia¡¯s afterlife, he¡¯d been his normal skin color, weight and scars, because that was what he¡¯d grown up with. Garth didn¡¯t exactly like being purple, or young.


    Am I alive again?


    Garth glanced around the room. It was some sort of cave. Behind him was a bright green palm tree with large¡­Garth-shaped fruits. They had bright red translucent flesh and a dark purple human curled up in the fetal position inside. The tree radiated power that seemed to wash over him, and somehow¡­resonate with him.


    ¡°Dark Father of Sin, your children greet you,¡± the frontmost cultist said, kowtowing in front of him, her large breasts squishing against the floor as he shakily dragged himself to his feet.


    She had light purple skin, and red hair.


    The sight triggered an ancient memory in the back of Garth¡¯s mind.


    ¡°¡­Lucy?¡±


    ¡°My name is Ellanore Garthspawn, Dark Father of Sin. Lucy was one of the Prime Evils, and my granddam some thirty generations ago. It is an honor to be in your presence.¡±


    Garth¡¯s newly recreated stomach growled unbidden.


    ¡°We have prepared a feast for you.¡± Ellanore motioned to the pile of dead bodies.


    Garth glanced at her, face pressed into the floor.


    Then he looked at the other eleven cultists, similarly positioned, seemingly unwilling to look at him directly. About half of them were beautiful women with purple skin, and the rest were ragged looking humans, mostly young men with a hungry look to them.


    Pretty sure there¡¯s some miscommunication here, Garth thought, leaning against the Garth tree. We¡¯re going to need to have a long talk, but first¡­


    ¡°You guys have some bread, or cheese? I¡¯m not particularly partial to human flesh. Stir fry? Fried rice? Eggs?¡±


    Ellanore stiffened, apparently startled. She glanced up at him with her eyes wide for a moment before averting her gaze. ¡°I¡­was not aware that the Dark Father of Sin did not eat human flesh. I did not mean to offend you.¡±


    ¡°Why do you keep calling me that? Actually,¡± Garth said, noting the appearance of ribs on a few of them. ¡°Why don¡¯t you guys tell me the whole story over a couple pears and a bowl of guacamole?¡±


    Garth snagged one of the spores floating around him and turned it into a miniature pear tree, while he made another into an automated avocado chunk dispenser.


    Guess I still got the gene mods, Garth thought as he summoned a wooden bowl. It was unlikely he still had the Mythic core implants, though.


    An instant later, a migraine started to crawl up his skull, and the mana he had been deftly weaving into food and utensils began to slip out of his control.


    Without letting on, Garth simply slowed his use of magic and started milking the avacado chunks. He didn¡¯t know what these people wanted with him exactly, and until he did, he was going to pretend to be a powerful caster.


    ¡°It¡¯s gonna be a little plain, since we don¡¯t have garlic and onions, but it¡¯s got good protein and a little bit of savory I tossed in there,¡± Garth said, wincing as he created a spoon and handed the bowl of whipped avacado to Ellanore, along with a pear.


    ¡°Now, tell me why you think I¡¯m called the Dark Father of Sin, and like eating people.¡± Garth leaned back and started eating a pear, giving his digestive system a jump-start. There wasn¡¯t any light to photosynthesize down here anyway. Was it some kind of dungeon?


    Ellanore looked at the pear sitting in the center of a bowl full of guac, looking a bit shell-shocked.


    ¡°You are Garth Daniels?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Father of Betty, Marylin and Lucy Daniels,¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°founder of the ancient lost city of Los Angeles?¡±


    ¡°Kind of. I rebuilt it.¡±


    ¡°Devourer of the city of Chicago?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Enslaver of the western continent?¡±


    ¡°What??¡±


    ¡°The one who opened the gate in the sky that brought the kipling into this layer of the Sphere?¡±


    ¡°Okay, stop right there.¡± Garth said, holding his temples. ¡°Obviously some of the things I¡¯ve done have been exaggerated. Or made up.¡±


    ¡°Garth Daniels devouring the city of Chicago is a well-known fact.¡±


    ¡°Well it wasn¡¯t me.¡± Garth said, taking another bite of pear, feeling his body starting to wake up. The weakness in his limbs was fading. ¡°Probably the other Garth. He had the means to do something like that. Fucker smearing my name.¡± Garth shook his head. If he was still rambling around, Garth had some very intense questions for him.


    You spend a few hundred years dead and people make up all kinds of shit about you.


    ¡°There¡¯s¡­more than one Garth Daniels, Dark Father of Sin?¡± Ellanore asked, sharing glances with the others.


    ¡°Okay, you really need to stop calling me that.¡± Garth said. ¡°Call me Garth, or Gramps, since I¡¯m technically your umpteenth great grandad, anything but Dark Father of Sin.¡±


    ¡°As you wish, Gramps.¡± She said solemnly, pressing her forehead to the floor again.


    ¡°Okay, just call me Garth. That made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.¡±


    ¡°I can call you Garth, but¡­there may be problems with that.¡±


    ¡°What, why?¡±


    ¡°The name is somewhat frowned upon. Calling you Garth in public might draw attention.¡±


    ¡°What, like calling someone Hitler or Lucifer in public with all seriousness?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know those names.¡± Ellanore shook her head.


    ¡°Well, damn, I¡¯m the new Hitler. Awesome.¡± Garth rolled his eyes, then glanced at his skin. He stood out like a sore thumb too. Gonna be hard to maintain a low profile.


    ¡°Alright. I think I¡¯ve got a pretty good idea of what happened after I died, L.A. collapsed, tons of bad publicity, et cetera, but I¡¯m still curious about one thing.¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Did Sandi live? She worshipped a different god, which was admittedly poor planning on our part, so I never met her when she passed on.¡±


    ¡°It was eight hundred years ago¡­We simply don¡¯t know what happened to her.¡±


    Garth sighed. ¡°Well it was worth a shot.¡±


    He tossed aside his pear core and grabbed another.


    ¡°So.¡± He took a bite. ¡°What did you want from me?¡±


    ¡°We wish for your help toppling the Empire of Mississippi.¡± Ellanore said.


    Garth hummed the first few bars of Dueling Banjos. They watched him with grim expressions.


    ¡°Wait, you¡¯re serious?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Wow, a lot¡¯s changed.¡± Garth said, running his hand over the stubble on his scalp. He needed a few months of growth to get back to normal.


    ¡°Please, people are starving by the thousands underneath the harsh tax of the Empire. Disease is running rampant, and monsters roam the land like never before. The civilians live every day in fear and hunger, eking out an existence that can¡¯t be called living.¡±


    Garth burped and tossed aside his half-eaten pear, the eyes of the cultists following it.


    ¡°So if I¡¯m the evilest man who ever lived, why do you want my help?¡±


    Ellanore paused. ¡°We have exhausted every option. We¡¯re desperate enough to seek aid from a greater evil.¡±


    ¡°Let me ask a question. Do you think I¡¯m evil?¡±


    Garth¡¯s thirtieth great granddaughter shared an odd look with her friends.


    ¡°You¡¯re not?¡±


    Garth couldn¡¯t help it. He started chuckling, then full-throated laughing. The ridiculousness of the situation, and the freshly reopened wound of a life lost swirled up inside him and left his body as gales of laughter. He had been so close to re-entering the cycle of reincarnation as a blank slate, and now this.


    Garth laughed until he cried.


    Then he laughed some more.


    The cultists sat up, studying him as he curled in on himself and sobbed into his palms.


    A few minutes later, Garth wiped the tears away from his face and took a deep breath.


    ¡°Whew, goddamn, I needed that.¡± Garth said, done whining for now. He pushed himself up off his knee and stood again, taking in his situation.


    ¡°Any of you guys bring a Status Band with your clothes when you came in? Preferably without an Aethernet connection.¡±


    ¡°Ah, nevermind,¡± Garth said, spotting one on one of the corpses. He walked into the center of the poorly constructed trapping circle, dragging his toe through the lines as he entered. The cultists scooted away from him, then put their hands down on the circle, attempting to charge it with mana.


    Nothing happened.


    ¡°It¡¯s not working!¡± one of the purple women said.


    ¡°SSHHH!¡± Ellanore hushed her.


    Garth took the Status Band off of a blonde kid, unkempt, mean looking, and maybe twenty five years old. With a tiny wooden scalpel he teased apart the two pieces of leather sewed together to reveal the control system of the status band.


    Garth disabled the Aethernet connection and the piracy protection, then slapped the band on his arm.


    Garth Daniels


    Advanced Phyto-Human *New


    Warning! Subject is wanted by the Core for war crimes. Authorities have been alerted!


    Apostle of Beladia & Pala


    -Strength- 10


    -Endurance- 10


    -Speed- 10


    -Intelligence- 13


    -Memory- 12


    -Senses- 13


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility, Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Affinity


    Class: Neophyte Phytolich *New


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting, Divine Lantern Style, Create Life,


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind, Mind palace, Memory Lane, Plant Biology, Control Weather, Racial Advancement.


    ¡°Phyto-lich, huh?¡± Garth glanced back at the tree full of Garth pods. Something told him his rebirth here didn¡¯t have a damn thing to do with the people worshipping his tree. It kinda reminded him of Wilson. It shared the same coloration as Sandi¡¯s pet Charlie.


    Was Wilson trapped in there forever, or did he recombine with Garth? Garth¡¯s eyes started watering again.


    ¡°My lord?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not a lord.¡± Garth said, pulling the tiny capacitor out of the Status band, making the whole thing useless.


    He took the capacitor between his thumbs and peeled it apart, revealing the only smooth core slice in the entire piece of magic tech.


    ¡°May I ask what you¡¯re doing?¡±


    ¡°Making a disguise. Can¡¯t be purple all the time anymore.¡± Garth condensed a tiny amount of space mana on the tip of his finger and hastily drew an enchantment, then scavenged a tiny Aether crystal from the band and fused it to the center of the disc.


    Garth¡¯s skin color lightened, the purple washing out, until he looked like himself again.


    ¡°Alright.¡± Garth said, rounding on the cultists. ¡°I¡¯ll forgive you for this.¡± He motioned to the defunct magical trap. It didn¡¯t have any mana conducting materials or core fragments. Not even any mana flowing through it.


    What were they thinking? Something wasn¡¯t making sense.


    ¡°If you show me around this Mississippi empire of yours, at which point I will decide whether or not to help you out.¡±


    The cultists looked at each other and nodded.


    ¡°We would-¡°


    ¡°And some clothes.¡± Garth cut in.


    ¡°Be happy to oblige.¡±


    *****


    They guided him out of the dungeon, a lush jungle filled with all manner of plant based horror, from blood-sucking vines to deadly poison spines and spores that take root in your lungs.


    In front of Garth though, they all folded aside, meekly moving out of the way as he strolled through the tunnels, adjusting himself in his scratchy new wool trousers.


    Garth thought he was prepared, but he almost lost it again when he made it to the surface.


    Momentarily blinded by the light of the sun as they stepped outside, Garth¡¯s eyes adjusted in a matter of seconds, revealing a dense subtropical forest.


    The only thing that reminded him of L.A. were the crescent mountains surrounding them in the distance, heated rivers sliding down their slopes into the basin. Garth knew it was a good idea to make them into volcanoes.


    Any evidence that people had ever lived there was long since consumed by the forest, thick with bamboo, moss, and grass.


    Bamboo? Garth thought, stepping to the side of the path leading into the dungeon. He lifted a hand and rapped his knuckles on the wood. L.A. didn¡¯t have bamboo. Maybe it was an invasive species.


    ¡°My lord, please don¡¯t step off the path!¡± Ellanore shouted, grabbing his elbow and trying to haul him back.


    A bamboo spear settled under Garth¡¯s chin, causing him to freeze as figures emerged from the surrounding foliage as if by magic.


    They were surrounded.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.


    You know what they say: Winners write the history books.

 Chapter 102: Fugitives

    ¡°Ms. Banyan?¡± Garth said, staring.


    Jess¡¯s face, carved out of wood, was staring back at him. More of the identical dryads stepped out of the woods, their eyes fixed on Garth.


    ¡°My lord, we have to escape,¡± Ellanore said, putting herself in front of him, a delicate longsword raised to defend him. Commendable, but Garth was the one with spare bodies.


    ¡°Move aside, child,¡± Ms. Banyan said, nudging Ellanore aside with her spear.


    When Ellanore refused to budge, Garth stepped out from behind her, pulling the enchanted disc out of his pocket and setting it on Ellanore¡¯s shoulder.


    Instantly, Garth¡¯s skin returned to its purple hue.


    Ms. Banyan¡¯s eyes widened, brimming with tears.


    ¡°How-


    WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?


    A voice like thunder echoed in Garth¡¯s mind, brimming with anger.


    WE HAVE SUFFERED WITHOUT YOU AND YOU RETURN TO US NOW?


    The pressure drove Garth to his knees, clutching his head as something tore through it. Around him, the cultists watched Garth with curiosity and alarm.


    ¡°I was dead!¡± Garth shouted, his head splitting at the seams.


    THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?


    Ms. Banyan knelt and stroked Grass beneath their feet.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, my love, we both saw him killed. That was not his fault.¡± She said, and the pressure lessened somewhat as Grass regained control of his emotions.


    Why are you here?


    ¡°The dungeon behind me formed some kind of phylactery, near as I can figure.¡± Garth said, pointing a thumb over his shoulder.


    There¡¯s no one left. For hundreds of years. There¡¯s NO ONE LEFT TO PROTECT!


    YOU GAVE US ONE PURPOSE AND IT¡¯S GONE!


    More Ms. Banyans knelt and soothed Grass. The voice in Garth¡¯s head dimmed again, dialing back from head-splitting so headache inducing.


    Only outsiders, for hundreds of years, nothing but invaders.


    Garth pursed his lips.


    ¡°Have you considered letting new people settle here?¡±


    The voice in Garth¡¯s head went deathly silent.


    I suppose that¡¯s what we did the first time, isn¡¯t it? Those memories are so dim, hardly anything left but feelings about things I can¡¯t even remember.


    Garth stood and cleared his throat.


    ¡°Grass and Banyan, by the power invested in me by Beladia, I expand your raison d¡¯¨ºtre to include Mayorship of L.A. and the responsibility of resettling it.¡±


    Everyone stared at him. Garth could even feel the bamboo looking at him.


    ¡°Did that work?¡± Garth asked hopefully.


    We¡¯ll see, Grass said with the equivalent of mental grumbling.


    ¡°It¡¯s given us something to think about,¡± Banyan said, then her eyes pupils dilated. ¡°Can you imagine, Grass? Children again!¡±


    ¡°Glad we could settle that.¡± Garth said, turning back toward the trail.


    Where do you think you¡¯re going? Ms. Banyan¡¯s spears came up instantly.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to head over to that wizard tower.¡± Garth said, pointing at the massive weathered trunk on the side of the mountain. It had long since fallen and been torn apart by time, but the first twenty feet or so of jagged wood still clung to the mountainside.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna loot the ruins of my hopes and dreams, get some clothes that don¡¯t scratch my nutsack so bad, then probably launch some kind of nefarious vendetta on the people responsible for this.¡± Garth motioned to the forest around them, with its distinct lack of people.


    Maybe waterboard Argus again if he¡¯s still alive.


    The thought reminded him of Sandi, standing four feet away in her sheer chainmail. That thought got him thinking about his daughters growing up in the hands of his enemies, believing that they were born evil.


    And that thought got him punching a nearby oak tree.


    Garth¡¯s fist sank into the wood, burying itself to the wrist like he was punching into Styrofoam.


    ¡°My lord?¡±


    ¡°Not a lord,¡± Garth said, taking a deep breath and pulling his hand out of the tree with the harsh squeal of stressed wood, healing the damage to the oak as an afterthought.


    Garth inspected his unblemished hand.


    This is ten strength?


    ¡°Just had a bad thought, I¡¯m fine. I would like to go now.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re leaving us?¡± Banyan asked.


    ¡°Sure am,¡± Garth said, walking through the forest of bamboo spears, bending them out of his way as he strolled past the army of Ms. Banyans.


    ¡°Don¡¯t want to sound¡­cliche, but if I get caught here, chances are both of you will get burned to the ground. So I¡¯m leaving you, to protect you.¡±


    Ms. Banyan narrowed her eyes. ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound like you.¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± Garth shouted over his shoulder. ¡°I also want to be as far away from my immobile, vulnerable phylactery as possible so they don¡¯t make the connection should I get creamed again.¡±


    That¡¯s more like the father we remember. Grass whispered in his mind.


    I guess they are my kids too, Garth thought. He did make them, after all. They seemed like they turned out okay, if a bit rough around the edges from hundreds of years of neglect.


    Show me somebody that wouldn¡¯t damage.


    ¡°Eh,¡± Garth waved them off. The confused cultists formed a narrow line behind him as the forest began to warp around them, propelling them forward until they were cruising through the thick undergrowth, speeding through Grass¡¯s brain toward Garth¡¯s former tower.


    ****


    Garth was whistling ¡®Take me out to the Ball Game¡¯ when they arrived at the ruined tower. The top of the tree had long since sloughed away, exposing the rooms inside to open air.


    Garth didn¡¯t have enough control over mana to fly yet, so he climbed up the side of the tree until he got to the exposed room. before him lay his storage room for some of Garth¡¯s more expensive stuff.


    Garth heaved himself up and into the moss-coated room with a grunt, followed by Ellanore and two of her purple sisters.


    Every wooden surface was drenched with moss, and every metal table, every clamp and shelving unit salvaged from Home Depot had become a rust outline on the floor.


    ¡°Damn,¡± Garth said, running his toes through the piles of rust and moss. There was nothing left from his shelves. None of the valuable ingredients, none of the prototypes.


    ¡°God I hope the landmine carrots didn¡¯t go wild.¡± Garth murmered as he searched through the mess. It looked like his place had been picked clean by scavengers a long time ago.


    Garth didn¡¯t hold it against them. They had probably needed the dough and where was Garth? Getting stripteases from a deity in the afterlife.


    Good times.


    Garth could now honestly say he had no fear of death. He¡¯d still probably avoid it out of habit, though.


    ¡°There¡¯s nothing here.¡± Ellanore said, glancing around the ruin.


    ¡°Nah, I packed a little suitcase in case of emergency in here,¡± Garth said, orienting himself. Everything was covered in moss and worn away by time so it was difficult to tell exactly where he was. The wood was dead, so the mechanism wouldn¡¯t work either, but Garth was pretty sure it would still be there.


    He hadn¡¯t told anyone about it.


    Let¡¯s see, the east facing shelves were here, then about two paces west.. Garth knelt down and jammed his fingers through the rotten wood and yanked a chunk of the floor out, tossing it against the wall, where it landed softly against a pile of moss.


    Underneath him was the bug-out bag. Garth put it together in case the peasants ever came up to his tower with torches and pitchforks. The contents hadn¡¯t been particularly useful in the last emergency, but now they were going to come in handy.


    In the hole, glittering gold peeked up at him underneath the rot-shredded fabric of the bag.


    Five million credits, in ingot form, stamped with the Inner Core¡¯s seal of approval, along with three self-replenishing milk bottles ¨C Garth tossed those aside ¨C and five enchanted core slices on rotten necklaces, designed to make the user less noticeable and more resilient, and at the very bottom, three Mythic Cores along with tools, rare metals, and supplies, wrapped in a forearm-sized canister of cured leather, the most valuable part of the entire bag.


    If they his family ever needed to relocate, it had the tools to make everything they might need. Much like a 3-D printer on a space station. Just good planning.


    Shoulda taken a minute to send this with Wilson.


    Wouldn¡¯t have made much of a difference, but it was the thought that counted.


    Garth wanted to check the contents, but the way the Cult of Garth was gawking at the gold ingots, he figured it was probably best not to blow their little minds.


    ¡°People win revolutions,¡± Garth said, hefting a gold bar. ¡°But money helps.¡±


    I need a new bag for this stuff. And I need Heartstones.


    Garth wanted to get back in shape as quickly as possible.


    ****


    They traveled on foot, leaving through the steep valley between the crescent mountains, and were stopped for inspection at a stone fort just outside.


    ¡°Welcome back from the Green Hell,¡± the gateman said jovially, the plump man teetered back in his seat as he waved them through. ¡°Anything to declare?¡±


    You need a shave and a bath, Garth thought, his arms crossed.


    ¡°About two hundred pounds of Ironwood,¡± One of the young cultists said, putting his backpack on the table and opening it to reveal a severed log. ¡°Nothing else in there but poison and death.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯ll be one hundred and fifteen credits for the lot of it then.¡± The fat man said.


    ¡°I lost a sword in there worth more than that!¡± he shouted.


    The fat gatekeeper shrugged. ¡°I told you it wasn¡¯t worth your time. Say, did you see anything from the other idiots that came in there after yah? Said they were looking for some sap that turns things to gold or some such.¡±


    ¡°Not hide nor hair.¡±


    ¡°Nobody¡¯s loss, I guess.¡± He glanced at the purple women mingled in with the rather large group of cultists.


    ¡°I thought you were moving in, what with all the breeders you were taking in there with ya. Damn idiocy, I thought, but maybe you were right about the forest liking them.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d appreciate it if you kept that to yourself. I still want to explore a few of the untouched areas before anyone else gets a chance.¡± The cultist dropped a couple gold credits in the man¡¯s hand.


    ¡°No skin off my back, guess you¡¯re out quite a few credits now, though.¡± The gatekeeper chuckled. ¡°Just keep your Garthspawn on a leash when you get back to town, we don¡¯t care what you do with your whores in the woods, but don¡¯t care for an incident inside city limits, understood?¡±


    The gatekeep glanced over his shoulder at the gate, then back to them.


    ¡°Just to be sure, All of these Garthspawn have their papers, yeah? Cuz that¡¯s a right lot of them. I was under the impression they were rare. And valuable.¡±


    Ellanore and quite a few members of the group went pale. That wasn¡¯t good.


    ¡°What are you, the sheriff?¡± Garth demanded. ¡°Just take the money and open the gate.¡±


    ¡°Who the hell is this little spitfuck, and where did he learn to talk to his elders!?¡± The gatekeeper roared.


    Elder my ass, Garth thought, rolling his eyes moments before the gate slammed open, drawing his attention.


    A posse of some hundred men wearing leather armor and riding horses burst through the gate, leveling crossbows on them.


    ¡°Michael Brooke and associates, you¡¯re under arrest for the theft and trafficking of the property of the state,¡± The man with thick sideburns in the front spoke, holding out a script as he read.


    ¡°Including Ellanore Garthspawn, Athena Garthspawn, Alice Garthspawn, Number Three Garthspawn, and Ferra Garthspawn. These and any other stolen property on your person will be confiscated and remain in the possession of the state.


    He smiled and cast his eyes over the six or so women he hadn¡¯t mentioned by name, and Garth could see the gears turning in his head. Something told him that he was going to personally confiscate the stolen property.


    ¡°You should have told me you were slaves.¡± Garth muttered to Ellanore.


    ¡°I¡¯m not property.¡± She bit the words out.


    ¡°He seems to disagree.¡±


    ¡°Shut up! Get them in chains and on the wagon. If we make good time we can have an execution this evening at outpost 3502!¡±


    One of the young cultists made a break for it and a bolt threw him to a ground, with half a dozen more pinning him there as securely as a butterfly on display.


    ¡°Unless you want to die. Right. Now.¡± The mutton-chopped man scanned them with narrowed eyes. Nobody wanted to die right then and there, so they stayed still.


    The captain passed the gatekeeper a small leather sack that jingled with coin.


    ¡°Pleasure doing business with you.¡±


    ¡°So nice being alive again,¡± Garth said, taking in a deep breath of unwashed bodies as he was bodily shoved toward a wagon bound for his execution, chains dangling from his wrists.


    ¡°Shut up, kid!¡± a man said, aiming a blow at Garth¡¯s nose.


    Garth leaned into it.


    ¡°Ah, fuck!¡± The man said, cradling his hand as his chortling cohorts lifted Garth onto the wagon.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry kid, testify against these murderous scum, and you¡¯ll only get five years hard labor, rather than a noose.¡± Another man said.


    How was a noose supposed to kill someone with inhuman endurance? Nooses only worked because the human body is frail. After a certain point it would just be waiting for them to starve on the rope.


    Interesting, interesting.


    ¡°Honestly think I¡¯d prefer the noose.¡± Garth said with a shrug.


    ¡°Your choice, lad.¡± They shoved him into the wagon.


    ¡°Also, why does everyone keep calling me kid? Can I get a mirror?¡±


    ¡°This shiny enough for you, shitstain?¡± A soldier growled, holding a saber under Garth¡¯s throat.


    ¡°That¡¯ll do.¡± Garth grabbed the blade and moved it to get a good look at his face as the cavalryman grunted, trying to tug it out of his hands.


    The blade was thin, and not terrifically smooth. Garth had to pass over his features a little bit at a time, from his brows, to his eyes, to his lips, but what Garth saw there floored him. mid to late teens, maybe? Rosy cheeks and smooth, unblemished features. Smaller nose.


    ¡°Bleh,¡± Garth said, letting go of the saber with a twang. The cavalryman reeled in his saddle, nearly falling off his horse. He gave Garth a strange look before swallowing his words and sheathing his weapon.


    I spent a long time waiting to get respectably old, but on the other hand, it¡¯s best not to look twenty extra years of gift lifespan in the mouth.


    ¡°Wake me up when we get to the gallows,¡± Garth said, finding a comfortable position and closing his eyes.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 103: Car Troubles

    Garth paced back and forth, dressed in a sharp black suit, his shoes clacking on the wooden floor as he slapped a riding crop across his palm.


    Behind him was a chalkboard with ¡®Detention¡¯ written on it in big fluffy letters. In front of him was a classroom full of perfectly arranged desks, empty save for two.


    Beladia and Pala, wearing schoolgirl outfits.


    The dreamscape was rather fluid once you got the hang of it.


    Pala didn¡¯t really fill out the outfit, being a creature of sexless shadow, but Beladia was almost spilling out of it. Her eyes darted around the room guiltily.


    ¡°Today we¡¯re going to talk about how certain parties went through so much trouble to keep me entertained and sane and learning for eight hundred years. How they taught me the most advanced magic, and of course¡­whenever I wanted to slay a dragon or go on an adventure, or participate in a magic circle, there were always plenty of volunteers. Practice, is what that was.¡±


    Pala was stonefaced and cloaked in shadow, but Beladia looked extremely guilty, wiggling in her seat, short skirt unable to protect her from the cold plastic of the chair.


    ¡°You even let me go to Ercath¡¯s realm of war for twenty years as an exchange student. Something I was told is rare.¡±


    Garth tapped the riding crop to his lips.


    ¡°I wondered to myself, why the special treatment? What sinister plot were you two hatching? As the years went by, nothing bad happened, and I couldn¡¯t see any clouds forming in the afterlife that might warn me about what was going to happen, so I dropped it.¡±


    ¡°I know what you were planning now, so we don¡¯t need to discuss why you did it. You were protecting your investment, trying to buy time until your apostle could be alive again, still sending power and belief back to you through the Siphon in his soul.¡±


    Garth held up the riding crop and pointed it between the two of them.


    ¡°What we need to find out now, is which one of you two hatched the idea?¡±


    Pala and Beladia stared back at him silently, until Beladia¡¯s squirming seemed to erupt from her chest.


    ¡°It was me! You don¡¯t have to take it out on Pala!¡± She shouted piteously. She still looked guilty though.


    ¡°So it was your idea.¡± Garth said, pointing at Pala. Pala was averse to telling the truth non-cryptically, and Beladia was too generous for her own good. It was obviously Pala¡¯s idea, and Beladia was covering for her.


    ¡°Maybe. But if it was, what of it?¡±


    ¡°A little heads up would have been welcome.¡±


    Pala shook their head. ¡°You never would have made it if you believed it to be training and not a game. You would have chosen the freedom of reincarnation sooner or later. Your mortal concept of time is so small.¡±


    ¡°I would have appreciated the choice.¡± Garth said, his grip tightening on the leather switch before relaxing again. ¡°But I understand you were just looking out for your sister who has so few powerful Apostles. Just a whole lot of believers and not a lot of energy to spread around between them, right? Admit it, you did it for her.¡±


    ¡°I protected my investment.¡±


    ¡°Sure your shadow isn¡¯t blushing?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    Garth straightened and took a deep breath, letting it out at a measured pace. ¡°Well, bygones are bygones, can¡¯t do anything about it now¡­But!¡±


    Garth slapped the riding crop in his hand one final time, with authority. ¡°Fifteen swats across the butt with the riding crop. I want you two bent over the desks, pronto.¡±


    Pala blinked once, then vanished, fleeing Garth¡¯s dream.


    Damn.


    ¡°Do I have to?¡± Beladia asked, her eyes welling up with tears, breasts nearly pooling on the desk beneath her.


    Still got one on the hook! Garth felt like doing a little dance, but he masked it from Beladia¡¯s thought-reading.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you feel bad for lying to your apostle?¡± Garth asked.


    The gullible deity nodded, sniffing and tearing up.


    ¡°I can see the guilt is tearing you up. If you receive your punishment, you¡¯ll feel better, because you¡¯ll have paid for your mistake. You won¡¯t have to feel bad about it anymore.¡±


    ¡°O-okay¡­¡± Beladia said, hesitantly sliding out from behind the desk and walking around it. She turned around and put her hands on the desk before looking over her shoulder.


    ¡°Is it gonna hurt?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s gonna sting a little, but you¡¯re tough.¡± Garth¡¯s eyes wandered down to where the miniskirt revealed the very bottom curve of her brown buttcheeks.


    ¡°Alright,¡± She said, bending over. ¡°Fifteen right?¡±


    Garth didn¡¯t speak, instead slowly watching the curtain of her miniskirt rise as she bent her waist, revealing her supple brown ass in all its glory, a thin band of black fabric covering her womanhood.


    ¡°Thirty, since you¡¯re covering for Pala.¡±


    Beladia let out a wordless whine as Garth drew back with the riding crop, savoring the moment.


    The entire classroom began to shake violently, like it had been hit with a major earthquake.


    ¡°Aw, damn,¡± Garth said as the dream began falling apart. He placed a swift strike on Beladia¡¯s rear end, reveling in her yelp.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get the rest next-


    ****


    Time,¡± Garth said, his eyes flashing open. Leaning above him was Ellanore with a harried look on her face, shaking his shoulder. The manacles binding them all together rattled as she shook him.


    ¡°You interrupted me at the best part.¡± Garth said accusingly.


    ¡°We noticed.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t care.¡±


    She blinked, licking her lips and apparently at a loss for words. ¡°Are you going to help us?¡±


    ¡°Do you need help?¡± Garth asked. ¡°There aren¡¯t even any magic suppressors on these chains, just pop them open, put the guards to sleep and¡­go.¡±


    The cultists stared at him.


    ¡°I mean you tried to use a trapping circle on me. Albeit without any mana, which made me wonder¡­Do none of you know how to use magic?¡±


    ¡°We found the circle in an ancient book. We hoped¡­it might work by itself?¡±


    Garth grunted. ¡°Well that was poor planning.¡± He turned over in the wagon, mulling over why these people were so backwards. Turning over landed his line of sight on one of his ultra-great granddaughters, silently weeping as tears slid down her cheeks, cradled in the arms of one of the male cultists.


    Ah, goddamnit. Now he was emotionally invested. Break the axle, sneak them out at night, I guess.


    ¡°Only the chosen few with the most pure bloodline can harness the power of magic.¡± Ellanore said behind him. ¡°Maybe a handful of people on Earth.¡±


    ¡°Horse-shit.¡± Garth said offhand. He glanced over his shoulder at her.


    ¡°Is it a crime to practice magic outside of the ruling class?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Punishable by death, yes.¡±


    ¡°Why would you need to make it a crime if it was impossible for common folk to do?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Why make it punishable by death if the ability to use magic is inheritable? Wouldn¡¯t they marry those people into branch families?¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­¡±


    ¡°Umm is right. Think critically, children.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°What does that mean?¡±


    Garth sat up, and really looked at Ellanore. Poor homespun clothing, slightly emaciated, credulous stare.


    ¡°Do you know how to read?¡± Garth asked.


    She shook her head.


    ¡°Does anyone here know how to read?¡± Garth demanded, turning to scan the rest of the wagon, seeing a bunch of healthy young men and women between the ages of eighteen and twenty-seven shake their heads.


    ¡°It¡¯s illegal for a peasant to read.¡± Ellanore explained. ¡°Hard labor.¡±


    Well, fuck, Garth thought, leaning back down and banging his head against the wall of the wagon in frustration.


    ¡°Cut that out!¡± a voice shouted from outside the wagon, rapping on the side.


    Garth took a deep breath and mulled over his thoughts. Humans had the smack down laid on them. Made sense. Garth was this close to putting up satellites so that people could watch the post-apocalyptic thunderdome in their living room.


    As well as being able to harness instant communication for his war machine, spy tech, beaming mana from place to place where needed, and weapons of mass destruction.


    Humans, modern ones, had been aware of the potential of technology and had sought to recreate previous comforts and weapons, and maybe invent some new ones.


    These ones¡­ they were trapped in the sixteenth century.


    No reading. Yep, that would do it.


    Invention and the arts are supported by a leisure class. People who don¡¯t have to fight for every scrap they get. Give them time to stare at their bellybuttons for a while, and eventually they find a passion and pursue it.


    Many major artists and inventors were independently wealthy, affording them the time and money to create something that might not work.


    Get rid of that social class, prevent reading and writing, and then only the absolute prodigies will ever rise out of the muck.


    And all you gotta do is kill those people.


    The more insights Garth got into the state of the world, the more he wanted to tear it apart with his bare hands, and the less he wanted Ellanore and her friends involved. I mean, they can¡¯t even read.


    ¡°Okay,¡± Garth said, propping his manacled hands up on his knees. ¡°This is what¡¯s going to happen.¡±


    ****


    The wagon¡¯s axle broke with a wrenching squeal, and all the prisoners shouted as the wagon tilted to the side, wobbling like it was drunk. A moment later, the extra torque snapped off the second wheel, tilting the entire wagon at a harsh angle. All the prisoners screamed as they slid across the floor and bunched up on top of Garth.


    Maybe I should have snapped the other side, Garth thought as someone kneed him in the ribs.


    ¡°Oh, nooo, the wagon is busted.¡± Garth said, deadpan. ¡°Guess we¡¯ll have to stay the night to fix it.¡±


    Less than a minute later, the leader of the posse flipped the wagon flap open, exposing them to the evening sun.


    ¡°Get out,¡± Mutton-chops said, growling with frustration as they clumsily piled out. A moment later a dozen men were lifting the side of the wagon and working the busted axle out with a heavy mallet and a short length of wood.


    Garth wound up sitting under guard with the rest of the cultists, eavesdropping on the captain¡¯s conversation while he twiddled his thumbs.


    ¡°-The hell is taking so long?¡± Mutton chops demanded.


    ¡°The alignment¡¯s gone a bit cock-eyed in the crash. It¡¯ll take a bit of finagling to get it straight again.¡± His minion said. The man was balding with a deceptive amount of muscle, and experience in carpentry.


    ¡°How long?¡±


    ¡°Two hours, give or take.¡±


    ¡°Damn. Alright, keep at it.¡± Mutton chops waited for the carpenter to leave before muttering to himself. ¡°I wanted to sleep in a bed tonight.¡±


    Didn¡¯t we all.


    The captain motioned for two more of his soldiers, instructing them to set up camp, dig the latrines, and set up defenses against monsters.


    Defenses against monsters amounted to a handful of spears in the ground, and a lot of string attached to bells. Probably not much that would want to attack a platoon of a hundred men, but who knew? Garth hadn¡¯t been around for awhile, so if they felt they needed to take caution, then he¡¯d leave them to it.


    Then came the inevitable point in time where the soldiers wanted to pass around the Garthspawn as the evening¡¯s ¡®entertainment¡¯.


    ¡°No, no!¡± one of the purple girls shouted, trying to tug her arm out of the larger man¡¯s grip, as he unlocked her from the chain gang and began tugging her toward the center of the camp.


    Mutton Chops was looking on with a grin as the girl was dragged to the center of the camp and thrown to the ground.


    Garth held his palm up and blew poisonous gas spores across the camp in a tightly controlled gust. The dollop of poisoned air caught the camp leader across the face, and his smile faltered.


    He glanced around at the laughing and jeering men, then down at his trousers with a confused expression. Finally he glance back up at the man tearing away the girl¡¯s clothes.


    ¡°What the hell do you think you¡¯re doing, Jeb?¡± Mutton-chops asked, his voice pitched dangerously low.


    Garth leaned back, resting against one of the other captives and throwing his hands behind his head. Here come the fireworks. Wish I could make myself some popcorn without drawing attention.


    The gas was a cocktail designed to make a man impotent, insecure, paranoid, and violent.


    What do you do when you have a limp dick?


    Over-compensate. Assert dominance.


    ¡°It¡¯s the evening¡¯s entertainment¡­sir?¡±


    ¡°The fuck it is, Jeb. That¡¯s the property of the state. My property.¡±


    ¡°Sir?¡±


    Mutton chop¡¯s eyes were bloodshot and bugging out.


    ¡°Think you can spoil my catch?¡±


    ¡°But you said-¡°


    ¡°I know what you say about me when you think no one¡¯s around. You think I¡¯m a pussy!?¡±


    ¡°I never said-¡°


    Mutton chops walked up and caught his subordinate with a right cross to the face, laying the man out on the ground, where he groaned and held his broken nose.


    Mutton chops stood panting over the soldier, his fingers twitching on the handle of his sword while blood streamed between the man¡¯s fingers. The captain seemed to come back to himself for a moment, looking around at the quietly glaring soldiers with widened eyes.


    He stepped in it, now he had to roll with it.


    He picked the girl up by the hair and tossed her back with the others.


    ¡°Nobody touches them. If it¡¯s whores you want, go to Red street. Anyone who looks to them for companionship will spend the night with a length of steel in their guts.¡±


    They didn¡¯t move, watching their captain with simmering anger. For a moment, Garth thought they were going to mutiny, then Mutton chops drew his sword, filling the air with the ring of steel.


    ¡°Come on then, test me now and save yourself the court martial and hanging.¡±


    The soldiers sullenly went back to their duties, leaving Garth¡¯s progeny alone.


    ¡°Wow, you¡¯re such a gentleman,¡± Garth said, fingers linked behind his head. ¡°I guess chivalry isn¡¯t ¨C Huurk!¡± Garth¡¯s words were cut off as Mutton-chops stabbed him in the stomach.


    That really massed with your diaphragm, getting stabbed. Garth¡¯s nerves had been turned down to only report about 40% maximum pain, so rather than mind-numbing pain searing a hole in his guts, it was more like getting a sharp punch to the gut by an amateur.


    Painful enough to demand attention, but not too painful to ignore.


    ¡°Don¡¯t mistake me, boy. The Garthspawn have value. You¡¯re worth less to me than the horseshit on my shoes.¡± He pulled the sword free and wiped it on his pant-leg. ¡°That¡¯ll give you something to think about on the ride to the gallows.¡±


    ¡°I get it,¡± Garth said, stemming the bleeding with his hand, but primarily concealing the closing wound. ¡°You gotta show the boys you¡¯re still hard¡­metaphorically speaking, by stabbing somebody. Guess it¡¯ll make them think twice knowing you can hurt someone who can¡¯t fight back, huh? Or maybe not.¡±


    Mutton chops inhaled swiftly and drew his blade back, aiming to cut down with all his weight.


    ¡°Stop!¡± Ellanore shouted, throwing herself over Garth, forcing the man to stay his hand inches away from her neck.


    The Captain watched them for a moment, his lips curling back in a snarl.


    ¡°Enjoy your last night on Earth, boy.¡± He kicked Garth past Ellanore and stalked away.


    Now how to make the wound seem like it¡¯s still there? Garth was working on a method to fake injury when Ellanore wrenched his hand away from his stomach with surprising force.


    ¡°Let me see! We have to know if it hit¡­the¡­¡± She paused, wiping away the blood to reveal smooth skin.


    Garth lifted his fingers to his lips and winked. ¡°Continue to panic, if you would be so kind.¡±


    ¡°We have to know if it hit your liver!¡± she said, shifting above him to break the line of sight from the rest of the camp. ¡°Hold still. Put pressure on it! Don¡¯t try to talk, stay with me!¡±


    ¡°What now?¡± she whispered.


    ¡°I already told you, they go to sleep, and you walk out.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­They have watches.¡±


    ¡°Not a problem.¡± Garth said.


    *****


    When the fires burned low, every single sentry felt a strange stupor sink into their bones, their eyes drifting closed of their own accord. Their reason stripped away by drugs, each and every one of them found a nice place to curl up, yawned, and fell asleep. A minute later, the soft clicking of manacles opening echoed through the camps, unheard by human ears.


    ¡°How are you doing this?¡± one of the men whispered as they looked around at the sleeping sentries and the unlocked manacles.


    ¡°Magic. Obviously.¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you coming?¡± Ellanore asked, glancing back at Garth, who was reattaching his manacles.


    ¡°I gotta catch up on my sleep. Got a hot date.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯ll kill you when they get to town.¡±


    ¡°Pfff.¡± Garth waved it off. ¡°I¡¯m the Dark Father of Sin, You think something like group of a hundred men concerns me? They¡¯re not gonna kill me right away since I¡¯m the only witness, and they¡¯ll understand why you had to leave me behind, what with my gaping stomach wound. Why do you think I let him stab me?¡±


    ¡°Ummm¡­I thought you were crazy.


    ¡°Me too.


    ¡°me as well.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I did too.¡±


    Garth scowled as murmurs of agreement echoed through the camp.


    ¡°Get outta here. You¡¯ll get your revolution, but it¡¯ll be on my terms, when I¡¯m good and ready. In the meantime, you tell Ms. Banyan what I told you, got it?¡±


    ¡°Alright¡­Garth.¡± Ellanore said. The two dozen cultists stalked through between the unconscious sentries and disappeared into the night, cautiously sneaking past the bell traps.


    ¡°Thought they¡¯d never leave.¡± Garth rolled over and stifled a yawn, fluffing his backpack of gold underneath his head and laying back down.


    ***


    Garth¡¯s pleasant dreams of disciplining Beladia were interrupted by screams of alarm. Garth squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will himself back to the dreamscape. They had probably found out about the escapees, but they already had hours to hoof it back to the Green Hell of L.A.no way were they getting caught again.


    Unless they¡¯re stupid.


    Maybe the odds weren¡¯t so great.


    All the thunder and fury didn¡¯t have anything to do with Garth, though. He was just here for the ride into town. Maybe if he made a spore that induced apathy, they¡¯d give up and go home, taking him with them. Seemed like it might work.


    Garth tried to sleep harder.


    The screams raised in pitch.


    That¡¯s weird, I think I smell¡­blood?


    Garth¡¯s eyes snapped open and saw Mutton-chop staring wide-eyed back at him, an inch away from his nose. His face was pale and bobbing up and down in Garth¡¯s field of view as the insect-creature tore off pieces of flesh from the dead captain¡¯s ribs.


    For an instant, Garth wanted to turn over and go back to sleep, but then another creature jumped toward him, huge gnashing mandibles opening to reveal fingerlike protrusions lining its gullet.


    Macronomicon


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 Chapter 104: Chairman Mao

    Garth put a hand underneath him and shoved off the ground, propelling himself up and away from the insect-creature.


    Garth tumbled awkwardly through the air, tucking his limbs in as the creature eating Mutton-Chops flinched and snapped at him, hissing in indignation as he flew over its back.


    Sailing through the air above them, Garth got his first good look at the creatures in the second before he hit the ground again.


    Smooth, flat bodies with a teardrop shape. long, oar shaped legs that folded neatly into the monster¡¯s carapace. They wore camouflage brown and green shells that faded into the forest.


    They looked a bit like a kite the size of a horse with legs and razor sharp mandibles.


    Then Garth hit the ground and started running.


    ¡°Wake up, Yenner swarm! WAKE UP!¡±


    ¡°They got the captain!¡±


    ¡°Shit, Get off me!¡±


    The sound of combat and screams of pain filled the air as Garth ran, and in the chaos, he almost didn¡¯t made out the dark lump of hard shell hurtling toward him from the woods.


    One of the creatures leaned way back on it¡¯s long legs and thrust itself forward, like a man throwing a dart. Except in this case the dart was it¡¯s body, several hundred pounds of bludgeoning force, speeding toward him at something like a hundred miles an hour.


    Garth heard the sound of air being cut through as it extended barbed forelimbs to skewer him.


    Garth threw himself to the side, barely pulling himself out of range of the creature¡¯s talons.


    His chains, though. Those got hit.


    Garth was yanked up and into the air with neck-breaking force, slamming against the flat side of the remarkably aerodynamic creature as it pulled him along by his chains.


    It immediately tried to spin and bite him, so Garth latched onto it¡¯s side and didn¡¯t let go.


    Garth used his meager ability to harness mana to create a poisoned wooden shiv and stabbed it into the creature¡¯s carapace, using it as a handhold to pull himself up further onto the creature¡¯s back.


    A couple seconds later, the creature stopped moving, the poison cocktail rendering it inert.


    Take that, fucker, Garth thought, panting, his left arm slowly swelling from where the force of the impact had shattered it. If the thing had managed to hit him dead on, his chest would have collapsed, and he¡¯d have probably woken up in front of the Garth Tree again.


    With a minor effort of will, Garth unlocked the manacles on his wrists and glanced around the battlefield.


    There was nobody left alive. In just a few seconds, a swarm of the horse sized monsters¡­Yenner, he thought they¡¯d called them, had completely annihilated the camp. Everywhere he looked, Yenner were feasting on dead humans, dead horses, and the occasional dead Yenner.


    Down the road, Garth could make out where a handful of the camp¡¯s horses had managed to escape, throwing up a dust cloud as they ran.


    Time to go.


    Garth leapt off the Yenner, weaving light mana around him as he went.


    Illusion.


    Garth was overlapped with illusion magic, suddenly looking like nothing more than another Yenner, looking for its own scrap of meat.


    Garth grabbed his backpack and jumped through the feeding frenzy, towards the horses.


    His illusion was rough, and it didn¡¯t have any substance to it, owing to his low mental stats. Its scuttling legs occasionally flickered out of existence and the carapace went through things it wasn¡¯t supposed to. It wouldn¡¯t have fooled a human.


    But they were stupid insects. It wasn¡¯t a problem.


    Garth leapt out of the encirclement of Yenner, some twenty feet before he sprinted for the horses, his legs a blur beneath him, air rushing through his ears almost painfully.


    What am I doing, forty-five miles an hour? What is with my new body?


    Garth was starting to appreciate why some people chose for higher physical builds.


    He understood it, but it was still stupid.


    As the girl in that one commercial said a long ass time ago, ¡®why not both?¡¯


    Garth caught up to the horses in a couple minutes and leapt onto one, guiding it along the road to Outpost 3502 as he re-fused the bones in his left arm.


    ****


    ¡°I made this road, you know.¡± Garth said to his horse as they trotted along the ancient, cracked concrete. They had joined the main concrete path, set down so many years ago, merging with a constant stream of traffic moving east and west. None seemed to take the fork in the road to L.A.


    The horse snorted in disbelief.


    ¡°Alright, fine, I commissioned it. Geomancers were better suited for the job, anyway. And besides, rich people take credit for things done on their behalf all the time.¡±


    Garth looked up from the horse¡¯s mane and glanced behind them, where the other four horses meekly followed, their herd instinct driving them along. A few travelers gave him curious glances, but nobody tried to stop him.


    Off in the distance, Garth made out the ancient stand of trees of Clarkstown, hollowed out and broken without water or magic. The sight drove another sinking lead weight into the pit of his stomach.


    It really had been eight hundred years.


    An hour later, the sight ahead of him stopped him in his tracks.


    Outpost 3502 had gone from a little township dead in the desert to a massive hub of trade bridging the east and west seaboard. Heavy stone walls ringed the city in at least five layers, from the glittering homes of the nobility in the center, in progressively more meager housing the closer to the outside they got.


    A little shanty of tents clustered around the outside of the wall, where the poor in homespun wool rested, and the sick waited to die.


    The sight of the city itself wasn¡¯t what gave him pause.


    It was the fifty foot flags hanging from the walls that depicted Jim¡¯s face, stoic and chiseled, staring nobly out into the desert, like a modern chairman Mao.


    The leather of the pommel ripped quietly under Garth¡¯s grip.


    I knew this would happen. I just didn¡¯t expect to still be alive for it.


    Garth took a deep breath and tried to look at the bright side.


    At least the face on the wall was a human.


    Garth took a deep breath. Better get this over with. He urged the horse to start moving again, drawing him closer and closer to the giant face on the walls.


    If Jim was dead, they were worshipping him, Garth had to burn it to the ground.


    If he was still alive, he¡¯d spend the rest of his life as a small woodland creature.


    Gotta deliver on your threats.


    ****


    Paul Tucker surveyed the devastation, his stomach churning at the sight of the slaughter.


    Half-eaten carcasses of knights and horses were strewn across the road. The platoon of a hundred riders had died to a man, every corpse accounted for.


    The Yenner generally left whole, if gnawed upon, corpses, allowing Paul to identify most of the corpses, and educated guesses on the rest.


    Out of all the corpses, there were eight dead Yenner.


    The biggest question wasn¡¯t who had been slaughtered here, it was how? Something wasn¡¯t quite adding up.


    From their positioning, they were heading back. From their records, he saw that Captain Brady had signed out on a mission to arrest dissidents. Were they coming home empty-handed, or did they have prisoners?


    Paul scanned the devastation, narrowing on the undamaged wagon that they had brought to transport their catch.


    He sauntered over to the wagon, his lieutenant following behind him.


    ¡°Did the kid say anything about any prisoners?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°He said he caught the tail end of it, and decided to grab the horses for a reward. Never mentioned any prisoners.¡±


    This was all strange.


    Their sentries should have been able to keep the fires burning to ward off the Yenner, or raise the alarm if they approached, allowing them to present a united front.


    The complete slaughter spoke of an ambush, the men caught with their pants completely down.


    Paul stopped in front of the wagon, casting his gaze over it.


    The wagon was newly repaired, a broken axle lay beside it. Paul flipped open the wagon and glanced around the dark interior.


    ¡°Where are the manacles?¡± he asked, pulling his head out of the musky wooden container.


    His lieutenant glanced around. ¡°There,¡± he spoke, pointing.


    Paul followed the man¡¯s finger, spotting the chain links halfway across the camp, partially draped over a half-eaten Yenner, one of only eight dead.


    Paul dodged around the rest of his crew cleaning up the seldom-used road to the forsaken city, heading for the chains.


    ¡°What are you doing over here?¡± he muttered, bending to inspect the chains. All the manacles were popped open. There had been no evidence of any prisoner corpses, so why were the chains outside the wagon?


    Unless the prisoners had escaped before the Yenner attack?


    But then why would the chains be draped over the dead Yenner rather than under it? Not to mention the link caught in the Yenner¡¯s foreclaw.


    A change in the pattern caught Paul¡¯s eye, something that wasn¡¯t supposed to be there.


    A tiny bit of wood emerged from the corner of the yenner¡¯s body. Paul frowned and glanced over the monster¡¯s, seeing nothing else but Yenner bites to explain it¡¯s death.


    Other dead Yenners had swords sticking out of them, or had been split open by a heroic effort before aforementioned hero had been eaten by another Yenner.


    This one had a splinter.


    Paul put his hand on the creature¡¯s carapace and seized the bit of wood and pulled. The wooden shiv slid free with a squirt of monster blood.


    Not a splinter, a shiv. So one of the prisoners had been making a shiv for his escape? Feels a little heavy. On a whim, Paul took out his belt-knife and ran it along the edge of the wooden blade.


    Nothing happened.


    Frowning, Paul pushed harder.


    The fine edge of his steel dagger peeled away like wood shavings. The irony wasn¡¯t lost on him.


    Not even Ironwood from the Green Hell can do that.


    Paul leaned down and cleaned the blood off the blade of the shiv on a corpse¡¯s clothes and tucked it in his belt. That bore further investigation.


    ¡°So what do you think?¡±


    ¡°Well, Lieutenant Carlson, I think they were heading back to town with a single prisoner, and somehow all of their sentries fell asleep, their alarms failed, and they got ambushed. Said single prisoner probably dodged a Yenner as he was unlocking his manacles, right there, then escaped the slaughter and¡­¡± Paul looked up at the road in the distance, leading toward the main thoroughfare. Stole some horses to get the rest of the way back to town.


    The hairs on the back of Paul¡¯s neck stood up.


    ¡°We still got that kid who brought the horses back? I wanna ask him some questions.¡±


    ¡°No, sir, we let him go with a couple credits. Why was there only one prisoner?¡±


    ¡°If there had been any more than one, the chances one or more of them would have been killed is huge. There would be some corpses attached to those chains, you can bet your life.¡±


    ¡°Oh, neat. We can look for the kid if you want.¡±


    ¡°Nevermind.¡± They didn¡¯t pay Paul enough to care about an escaped teenager who hadn¡¯t been alive long enough to do anything truly heinous. The wooden dagger tucked in his belt tickled at something in the back of his mind though, some half-remembered feeling that he had as a child.


    ¡°This was obviously a Yenner swarm, our resources are better spent scouring them out of the forest between here and the Green Hell. Make the report.¡±


    ¡°Sir.¡± Lieutenant Carlson saluted and marched off to make the report.


    Paul stood there, lost in his thoughts as he ran his thumb over his new dagger¡¯s handle.


    ****


    ¡°AHAHAHA!¡± The shopkeeper and all five customers laughed in Garth¡¯s face. ¡°The kid wants ¡®equipment to refine heartstones¡¯!¡±


    The smell of the man¡¯s rotting teeth wafted over Garth, putting a damper on his already sour mood.


    ¡°Well, excuse me, milord, I¡¯ll just run in the back and fetch that for you!¡± He broke into another gale of uproarious laughter.


    Garth very deliberately put a ten thousand credit coin on the countertop, the clack of gold on wood silencing them.


    ¡°Where¡¯d you steal that.¡±


    ¡°Buried treasure,¡± Garth said. ¡°No one¡¯s gonna come looking for it, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re asking.¡±


    ¡°Likely story.¡± The warehouse manager said, snatching up the coin. ¡°Get lost.¡±


    Garth raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°There¡¯s nothing like that here. You¡¯d need to be a nobleman to even buy a refined heartstone, and the equipment for it is under the control of the imperial court.¡±


    Garth sighed. ¡°Of course it is.¡± He¡¯d have to make his own. Unfortunately Garth¡¯s memory wasn¡¯t perfect anymore, having slipped back into the realm of mortals when his body was resurrected. When he was sleeping, his soul was able to remember every second of his eight hundred years of Afterlife, but when he was awake, his brain fuzzed everything up with its constant thinking.


    He needed to consume some memory Heartstones, so that he could remember how to make them. A vicious cycle.


    He had some idea of the things he needed, though.


    ¡°Where can I buy rare materials? I need adamantium, pure glass, a centrifuge, Ignitite, A porcelain bowl ¨C ¡°


    ¡°Like I said,¡± The balding man said, leaning over the counter, his paunch deforming against the wood. ¡°You¡¯d need to be a noble to even think about purchasing those things, and you¡¯re not. now make like a good boy and get the fuck outta my shop.¡±


    Garth glanced at the ten thousand credit coin in the man¡¯s hand.


    ¡°My money?¡± he asked, already seeing where this was going.


    ¡°It¡¯s my money now, nobody¡¯s gonna come looking for it, yeah? Now get out of here before I call the guard on you, you little sneak-thief.¡±


    Garth considered breaking the man¡¯s kneecaps for an instant before dismissing it. while he could take the money back any way he wanted, he didn¡¯t want stories about him to start floating around the city. And a murder investigation was right out. What he needed was the right kind of leverage.


    ¡°Alright then,¡± Garth said, nodding. ¡°Thanks for the information. I¡¯ll expect change, when you¡¯ve got smaller bills.¡±


    The warehouse manager snorted.


    Garth stepped outside the shop and looked back at the sign.


    ¡®Johnson¡¯s warehouse¡¯. It was arguably the biggest building that didn¡¯t require a gold-plated badge to get to, and was the latest in a line of failures to secure supplies.


    The wild west feel, where anyone could become anything with the right effort, was long since gone. It had been replaced by a strict hierarchy where the keys to power were tightly controlled, and power itself was doled out in tiny spoonfuls to the starving masses.


    Garth considered simply eating naturally forming heartstones in the wild> He could farm quite a few, but it wasn¡¯t his first choice. With the exception of certain legendary creatures, the stones all contained trace impurities.


    The poison in heartstones was no joke, and the amount that had accrued in his system the first time around had put limits on his development and saddled him with Wilson.


    That hadn¡¯t a bad thing, exactly, but he¡¯d been a hair¡¯s breadth from going mad, and physical classes had mutations or wasting sicknesses if they failed to deal with the poison.


    Garth intended this time around for his stats to be tightly controlled from step one. If the only way to get what he needed was to be a noble, then Garth was just going to have to engineer a meteoric rise in social status.


    No problem. Garth hefted the backpack laden with gold and priceless artifacts and turned back onto the street.


    As he was walking down the street, pondering his next move, a grimy hand reached out from an alleyway and pulled him into the darkness, nearly yanking him off his feet. An enhanced body didn¡¯t make him weigh any more, so the big arm nearly made him fly into the confines of the alley, shoes barely scraping the ground.


    Garth¡¯s eyes adjusted rapidly, and he found himself standing across from four grinning brutes, one behind him with a knife to his neck, and his arms pinned behind his back.


    ¡°You must be the kid carrying that treasure around town.¡± Their leader said with a grin.


    Goddamn, opportunity knocks, Garth thought. The thing he liked most about outlaws was that they were hesitant to tattle on him.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 105: Children’s Fables

    Garth seized the knife blade in his right hand with an application of Barkskin, then bashed the back of his head against the man behind him.


    ¡°Wha-¡° The leader¡¯s smile faltered, and he hurried to draw his blade when Garth kicked him in the diaphragm, using his friend for extra leverage.


    Two more thugs rushed him, and Garth grabbed the guy holding his nose behind him and launched him at the approaching men.


    They toppled to the ground in a tangle of limbs.


    Garth started humming as he stomped down on them, interrupting their attempts to get back up with well-placed stomps and field goal kicks. Soon the humming gave way to shouting.


    ¡°Hmmm Mmm mmmMMotherfucker smears me for eight. Hundred. YEARS!¡± Garth growled between kicks. ¡°Nothing¡¯s left but fucking dust. You goddamn piece of shit, I¡¯ll go back in time and make a fucking sandwich out of you. Kids are all fucked up. YOU FUCKED WITH MY KIDS!¡±


    It had been a long couple days, and Garth just needed to vent a little.


    Garth caught a man in the knee and heard a popping sound, followed by a wail of pain. He kicked him in the teeth, forcing him to shut up.


    ¡°Do you think ribs can penetrate the internal organs with enough force?¡± Garth asked, returning to the moment and lining up a shot. ¡°I think they can.¡±


    Garth made a field goal kick directed at a man¡¯s ribcage. It gave a satisfying snap as the thug was launched away.


    One of the skinnier men pushed himself to his hands and knees, staring at the back of the alley where they presumably had their escape route. Criminals tended to choose alleys with a rear exit. He tried to push himself the rest of the way up and make a run for it.


    ¡°He¡¯s a noble! We gotta-¡° Garth interrupted him with a well-placed kick that propelled the man into a nearby wall, hitting his head against the stone with a crack.


    ¡°Did I say you could leave?¡± Garth demanded. So they thought he was a noble. That implied superhuman strength being common in the ruling class. Wow, talk about not giving a shit about the sword of Damocles.


    There was literally no way to rebel when the nobility could kill thousands of peasants by themselves. Most revolutions were successful because the monarch¡¯s military stopped supporting them for whatever reason.


    In this case, the nobility made up a significant amount of their own military strength, becoming even more entrenched than they had before the Kipling came.


    Before the kipling, there was one unifying factor: No matter how much power accumulated in the hands of the rich and powerful, they were still just men. They could be outfought, and outthought.


    Now, though, eight hundred years of power creep had made the nobles gods among men.


    The man Garth had kicked went limp, and his friends froze. Garth nudged the man with his boot. His eyes were wide and bloodshot, a thin stream of blood draining from his nose. Probably dead.


    Garth felt a pang of guilt, and squashed it down. The afterlife wasn¡¯t that bad, anyway. The man¡¯s death quenched the rage that had been building for some time, but it didn¡¯t go away entirely.


    These men weren¡¯t the target of his ire. There were bigger fish to fry, and it was a long road getting there. He couldn¡¯t afford to start murdering everyone who irritated him. Probably.


    ¡°I want to ask you three some questions.¡±


    ¡°Yes, milord.¡± Their leader gasped between broken teeth, putting his bloody forehead on the ground.


    ***


    Paul Tucker returned from the day at the library pouring through encyclopedias of rare materials.


    He couldn¡¯t find a damn thing about whatever the wooden blade was made of. Wood, obviously, but what kind of wood held an edge better than steel?


    He entered his home, a small two-story affair in the noble district, outside the palace, groaning as he slid out of his coat and hung it up on the rack. Curiosity had driven him to spend the entire day at the library on his day off, for nothing.


    ¡°Daddy!¡±


    Three small children tackled him around his waist and legs, nearly sending him sprawling to the hard wood floor.


    ¡°Ease up, you gobs,¡± Paul said, stumbling away, carefully trying not to step on any of his progeny.


    ¡°Sandra put syrup in my hair!¡± His middle daughter, Nina said, burying her face in Paul¡¯s shirt.


    ¡°Did not!¡± screamed his youngest.


    In truth, Paul could see the sticky knot of hair from his vantage point directly above her. He assessed the damage while his sons tried their hand at pulling one of his legs out from under him.


    ¡°There¡¯s syrup there, all right,¡± He said. ¡°Somebody put it there.¡±


    ¡°It was an accident!¡± Sandra screeched.


    ¡°The law doesn¡¯t mind what you were thinking when you did something, only that what you did was bad.¡±


    ¡°NoOO!¡± Sandra shrieked and ran, stomping away at full force, her tiny feet making an abnormal amount of noise as she ran.


    ¡°Carla, if you would.¡±


    His eldest, standing beside his wife, snaked a hand out and caught the runner, who devolved into a fit of shrieking. She gave Paul a glance before taking the squalling toddler off to a separate room for her spanking.


    The screams faded down the hall, until they were muffled behind the children¡¯s bedroom door.


    Paul sighed and rubbed his temples.


    ¡°Alright, give your father some time with your mother,¡± Paul said, raising his hand threateningly.


    The children scattered like cockroaches, giggling as they returned to their play outside the house.


    ¡°Welcome back, my lord,¡± Lora said, bowing, causing a few strands of her raven black hair to tumble over her purple brow. ¡°Did you find wha- Eeep!¡±


    Paul seized his ¡®spawn by the waist and pulled her in for a kiss, enjoying the way her generous body conformed itself to his. Paul kept at it until she was panting with lust, her eyes unfocused.


    Then he pulled away, leaving her to adjust her hair as he inspected her with a mischievous grin.


    Lora was a bit short for her kind, just above five feet tall, but adorned with childbearing hips that bounce back, a welcoming womb and pendulous breasts that never seemed to run dry. Her wit was kind and cheerful and never failed to make him feel better.


    She was the best purchase he¡¯d ever made.


    Paul had scrimped and saved as a commissioned officer for fifteen years, from the age of thirteen, where the only duty he had was cleaning toilets and relaying orders, all the way up until his post as an Assistant Detective.


    He¡¯d become a little jaded along the way, learning where to apply his morals, and where the point was moot, but he¡¯d never lost his dream of being like the men in the palace, with their Garthspawn concubines.


    At the age of thirty, he¡¯d applied for the license, paid the astronomical fee to the government office and picked her out of a selection of five women. The next day he had her papers, and the fifteen year old girl was living in his home.


    The only problem was, she was afraid of him.


    That wouldn¡¯t do.


    So Paul had applied the same singleminded determination to wooing the girl as he had to buying her in the first place.


    He waited.


    For two long years, he waited. Until at last, she came to him.


    Perhaps he should have listened to his father and invested the money in business ventures or heartstones to improve his career and longevity. And yet, every time he felt the envious stares of his underlings, he knew he¡¯d made the right choice. Paul would rather spend his life wallowing in a hard-earned luxury than swim through the mire of politics.


    Thirteen years later at forty-three, he was feeling the march of years, his career was secure, and he had but one fear: One day his wife might give birth to a Garthspawn that would be taken from them. They¡¯d been lucky so far, but one day she might give birth to a little purple girl, and Paul would be required to take her to the government office, and then she would be gone. After having five children, Paul didn¡¯t think he could bear to see one of them taken away.


    Not when he knew the fate awaiting Garthspawn.


    ¡°My lord?¡± Lora asked, her eyes refocusing ¡°Is something wrong?¡±


    ¡°A bit lost in thought...¡± Paul thought a moment before he spread his arms wide. ¡°Undress me, wench! I¡¯m going to the reading room. You may report to me there for your regulation plowing once the children have been secured.¡±


    Lora gave him a mock salute.


    ¡°Yes sir!¡± she said with a stiffened expression, dropping to her knees and undressing him.


    ¡°Thank you my dear,¡± Paul said, stepping out of his pants and sauntering through his house naked. Felt good to be out of the stuffy work clothes with the restrictive belts. He headed to the kitchen and scooped out a bowl of soup and a slice of bread and brought it upstairs to the reading room, ignoring the terrified shrieks of his children.


    Paul slouched down in his comfortable chair and stared at the wooden dagger on his desk as he ate. What did it mean? If he had discovered some kind of new material, he could sit on it until his sons needed a purpose in life, then let them become tycoons.


    Something about the dagger gave him a bad feeling though. There was so much unexplained. Who had made it, and how? If the material was tougher than steel, had they used diamond dust to shape it? if there was already an operation sophisticated enough to use materials like that, why hadn¡¯t they become public?


    Eventually Paul realized his meal was long since done, and Lora was nowhere to be seen.


    Must have gotten held up. Paul stood up and went to their bedroom, where he got dressed before taking his bowl down to check on Lora and the children.


    A light peeked out from the children¡¯s room, and Paul quietly pushed the door open wide enough to see them.


    Lora sat in the corner by the candle, the orange light illuminating her beautiful face, making her hair glow with streaks of reflected light. She held a book of fables in her hands angling it so that more light fell on the pages as she read.


    Paul could see by the spine that it was the Illuminated History of the Mississippi Empire.


    A bit scary reading, but there were some interesting fights. Carla must have requested it.


    The children, listening to the stories, were wrapped up in their blankets like sausages, noses peeking out from beneath their covers as their mother read them a bed-time story.


    ¡°And the evil Garth betrayed their trust, poisoning their commanders during the meeting. The army, with no leadership remaining, tried to rally for a single charge to overturn the loss, but the wily Garth was ready for just such a thing. He had a plan.¡±


    ¡°What did he do?¡± Nina asked, her eyes wide.


    ¡°He set a trap,¡± Lora said with emphasis and an evil grin.


    ¡°The first of our Lord¡¯s children had not yet shown his true colors, and together they stood in front of the advancing army-¡±


    ¡°Mommy?¡± Nina asked.


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°If you¡¯re Garthspawn, does that make you evil?¡± she asked. Paul rolled his eyes. Children were able to ask the most devastating questions completely innocently.


    Lora seemed to wilt under the question that must have been brewing in the back of the little girl¡¯s mind.


    ¡°Well I-¡°


    ¡°Of course she¡¯s not, dummy,¡± twelve year old Carla said.


    ¡°Yeah, mom is the best. How can you be the best and evil? Doesn¡¯t follow.¡± His ten year old son, Rupert, said.


    ¡°But my teacher said Garthspawn are born evil, every one of them.¡± His second son, Canner, said. For that you get no dinner.


    Just when things were about to resolve themselves nicely, the brat had to throw a wrench in it by bringing up an authority figure. Well, there was no higher authority figure than Daddy. Especially if he was a Senior Detective in the Empire¡¯s Military Law enforcement.


    ¡°I¡¯ll handle this one,¡± Paul said, drawing their attention to where he stood with his arms crossed in his most intimidating manner.


    ¡°Your mother¡¯s body shows the touch of the Betrayer, but her mind, and most importantly her soul, are her own. Do you understand?¡±


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t make her do things?¡± Nina asked, looking relieved.


    ¡°No. Now apologize for hurting your mother¡¯s feelings.¡±


    ¡°Sorry mommy.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, child,¡± Lora said, her eyes watering. ¡°Where were we, oh! The trap!¡±


    Paul turned to leave. It would be another fifteen minutes at least until she joined him in bed.


    ¡°Garth created a man-eating forest beneath the advancing army, in less than a heartbeat. The wood entwined around them, crushing them to a paste and using their blood to fuel their own unholy growth. Garth¡¯s trees were stronger than the swords and axes of his victims, and fire was unable to take hold of it.¡±


    The children were listening with gaping mouths at the gruesome story, but something Lora had said stuck in the back of his mind.


    Garth¡¯s trees were stronger than the swords and axes of his victims. Fire was unable to take hold of it.


    ¡°Our lord begged him to stop the slaughter, but¡­¡±


    Lora¡¯s voice faded away as Paul sprinted down the hallway, up the stairs, and snatched the knife from the reading room. He stomped down the stairs, grabbed his badge and slid his shoes on.


    ¡°What is it my lord?¡±


    ¡°Going out!¡± Paul cried, running out into the night in his small clothes.


    A minute later he arrived at the nearest blacksmith¡¯s shop, shoved past the counter into the back room where the forge was running.


    ¡°Hey, what are you doing, you madman?¡±


    He shut them up with his badge.


    ¡°Get out of this room,¡± he said, staring the much larger blacksmith and his rather young, healthy apprentice down, daring them to challenge the authority of the Empire.


    They left, befuddled.


    Paul grabbed a pair of tongs and shoving the wooden blade into the hot coals. He waited long enough for any common wood to have long since turned to ash, then pulled it back out.


    Nothing.


    He held the wooden blade to another wooden surface, and flame licked up its side where it caught the other wood on fire.


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t burn.¡±


    Paul quenched the blade and went back out.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± He nodded at the smith, then ran back home, his airy smallclothes letting in the cold night air.


    Once he got home, he found Lora setting the book aside, beside the candleholder in the children¡¯s room.


    ¡°Gotta borrow this,¡± He said, snatching up the book.


    ¡°Is it important?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°More important than me?¡± she asked, folding her arms beneath her breasts and pressing them upward.


    ¡°Ummm¡­¡±


    ¡°I can take care of everything,¡± she said with a wicked grin.


    ¡°By all the gods, you¡¯re bad for me.¡± Paul said, grabbing her hand and pulling her upstairs.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 106: Sibling Rivalry

    Need to sit down and have a think, Garth thought, nearly sitting on the street before reconsidering and moving to a tavern. He couldn¡¯t get his new noble-quality tailored threads dirty on the first day of owning them.


    Remind me to make microscopic cleaning plant.


    Garth sat in the tavern, and ordered a beer while he pondered his next move.


    According to the men he¡¯d beaten to near death, they worked for a fellow named George, and managed some small-time shit, mostly extortion, drug smuggling, and prostitution, mixed with a little bit of theft.


    Garth had been the target of that, actually. It hadn¡¯t turned out so great for them.


    This George fellow wasn¡¯t the top of the ladder, couldn¡¯t be. He must have a boss, and that guy must have a boss.


    And there was no way the nobility didn¡¯t get their fingers in the crime pie at some point.


    So what are we thinking, Garth thought as the wench delivered his beer. Keep tugging on strings until we make our way to the top of the seedy underworld¡­and then what?


    He idly smacked her generous rear and leaned out of the way of the counterattack before the girl stalked away in a huff.


    Let¡¯s make a list.


    And he needed to do most of that stuff without using plant-based magic in public, at least until he rewrote history too.


    To condense, he needed a noble title for parts one and three, and a lot of money for part two. The rest of them involved a lot of time and effort.


    Maybe¡­ make his own noble family? Say he got fifty people ripped via Heartstone enhancement, that was the equivalent of a noble family¡¯s standing army right there. They¡¯d probably be hesitant to attack him.


    Doesn¡¯t make me official, though. And I need the noble access for the materials in the first place.


    Gah, Garth clutched his head. It was such an annoying, circular problem. Can¡¯t have the stuff because you¡¯re not noble, can¡¯t be noble because you don¡¯t have the stuff.


    A lot like the twenty-first century, actually. Nice to know some things never change.


    ¡°Hey, Barb, long time no see,¡± A greasy man with thick leather clothes said as he sauntered up to the countertop.


    ¡°George,¡± Said the matronly woman behind the bar, ¡°I hear all your goons are laid up.¡±


    Oops, time to go, Garth thought, chugging the last of his beer and standing up. Right on time. If the man¡¯s thugs couldn¡¯t demand payment, George would have to do it himself, so Garth had waited at one of the places he extorted.


    ¡°I¡¯m here, Aint I?¡± George said with a grin. He was missing a couple teeth. ¡°Where¡¯s the money you owe me?¡±


    ¡°Owe you? For protection from your goons?¡± she asked. ¡°They¡¯re gone and I could snap you in half myself.¡±


    ¡°You think so?¡± he asked, pulling out a wicked curved blade with a gap-toothed smile.


    ¡°Maybe I follow one of your patrons home and get my money that way, or better yet, start a fire when you¡¯re tucked into your beds¡­There are plenty of ways for me to get what¡¯s mine.¡±


    This is lovely and all, but¡­ Garth tapped the guy on the shoulder.


    ¡°The hell do you want!¡± His eyes flickered up and down Garth¡¯s snazzy new vest embroidered with the colors of Beladia. ¡°¡­Milord.¡±


    Garth weaved mana into the man¡¯s brain.


    Charm.


    George¡¯s eyes dilated as the spell took hold. The spell was a simple one that would wrench the man¡¯s feelings in a positive direction whenever he thought of Garth. That included looking at him, of course. The spell would only last about an hour at Garth¡¯s current meager abilities, but it was plenty for now.


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for a business opportunity, and was hoping to speak to you in private.¡± Garth said with his most teenage affectation.


    George glanced at Barb, who was watching the two of them in confusion.


    ¡°It¡¯s worth a lot more than she is.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Sure, kid,¡± George said with a grin, putting his knife away. He threw an arm over Garth¡¯s shoulder and steered him outside the tavern.


    Garth endured the man¡¯s breath until they had made their way to a private alley. There, he put the man to sleep and laced him with the most powerful permanent Conditioning spells he could muster.


    He couldn¡¯t give the man a heart attack like he could in his prime, but he¡¯d be slightly nervous every time he did something Garth didn¡¯t like, and slightly joyful everytime he did something Garth approved of.


    Time to make and obedient worker drone.


    It was a fairly long list, and Garth worked at it for a few hours, writing down his design on a flow sheet scrawled on the wall to keep his operant conditioning straight. He didn¡¯t try to make George into a polite, law abiding citizen like with Tyler.


    He was making a criminal Work-a-holic.


    He would feel euphoric when he was out making money, and nervous and ill at ease when resting on his laurels. Can¡¯t run a criminal empire without elbow grease. Why not someone else¡¯s?


    Most importantly, he would feel anxious any time he disobeyed Garth. After a few months, the conditioning spells would fade, and Garth would get to see whether the results were permanent.


    Science was fun.


    Once he was done tweaking the web of spells, Garth erased the flow chart on the wall, reapplied the Charm spell, and woke George up.


    ¡°Oh, what happened?¡± George said, allowing Garth to pull him to his feet.


    ¡°I think someone hit you on the back of the head as we were making our way to the alley. You got all loopy.¡±


    ¡°Oh, yeah, no wonder,¡± George said, holding his head. ¡°I¡¯ve got an army marching through my head.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, it¡¯ll do that,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°Should pass.¡±


    ¡°So¡­What did you want, gob?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for a job.¡± Garth said. ¡°My family¡¯s fallen on hard times, and I was hoping to make some extra cash to support them.¡±


    George chuckled and began snorting.


    ¡°No way, having a Nobleson working with me is like signing my own death warrant. You¡¯re poisonous, kid.¡±


    Having rebuffed Garth, the punitive measures in the spell kicked in, causing George to get anxious. The man started peering over his shoulder.


    ¡°Matter of fact, I shouldn¡¯t even be talking with you.¡±


    Damnit, garth thought. The Conditioning spells weren¡¯t a precise art yet. Gotta focus on positive reinforcement. He needed to get the man saying yes.


    ¡°You like making money, right?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yeah, I like money,¡± George said, then began to grin as his previous nerves were washed away by agreeing with Garth.


    Eventually he would start agreeing with Garth subconsciously, but only when his subconscious had enough time to figure out the pattern.


    ¡°And nobles have a lot of money.¡±


    ¡°All the money,¡± George said, spitting on the ground.


    ¡°So what if you had someone who could put you in contact with them? I mean, you run the streets, right?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s above me, gob, I can¡¯t do it.¡± George said, before he once again got a hunted look, being punished for denying Garth.


    ¡°Well,¡± Garth said, putting the hook out there. ¡°If you can¡¯t help me, do you know someone who can?¡±


    *** Alicia Denton***


    Alicia sat at her aunt¡¯s right hand side as the boring, dry politics of the city were hashed out by the patriarchs of each family.


    Her aunt nodded as Alicia¡¯s father delivered her speech, the man long sense versed in public presentation and politics, doing an excellent job of pretending their ideas were his own.


    Alicia watched and listened carefully, trying to peel away the veneer of calm that each of the patriarchs maintained. Little gestures, unconscious nervous behavior, the way their eyes looked, whether they tapped their feet. She was looking for the tells that would let her guess which horse would win.


    Horses, they called them.


    The Board of each family, consisting of the sisters of the current Patriarch, looked down upon the men seated in an oval in the center of the room, chasing each other¡¯s tails like horses.


    The Council of Santo Descanso was composed of nine noble families, Nine men and the forty-six women who advised them and ran their businesses. While the Patriarch had the final say in theory, all his assets were managed by his sisters, so a delicate balance was maintained between the puppet and the puppeteers.


    ¡°Next order of business, a patrol of one hundred men was destroyed by a Yenner attack. A fund must be put forth to replace the men and more importantly, control the Yenner population across the Western range of our city.¡±


    ¡°Let the Bergstrom family pay for it,¡± her father said. ¡°They are the ones who are most heavily invested in farming to the west. It¡¯s their responsibility to keep their people safe.¡±


    ¡°And I suppose if milord¡¯s lands in the east were attacked, we should wait for you to sort it out?¡± The Bergstrom representative asked pointedly.


    The man was pale and sweating, quieter than he usually was. Alicia smiled and waited for them to tear him apart. The farm-lord hadn¡¯t deserved a seat on the council for years, and this might just be the push they needed to unseat him for a branch family of the Denton¡¯s.


    ¡°It¡¯s not an attack, it¡¯s insects,¡± her father said with a sneer. ¡°We shouldn¡¯t be burdened with cleaning up your land when you were too stingy to properly maintain it.¡±


    ¡°I share a similar stance,¡± the fat, balding, patriarch of the Ford house said. ¡°With one important caveat. The patrol belonged to the city, and while Bergstrom was responsible for the safety of his citizens, the safety of those men was their own responsibility. I believe the burden of replacement should fall on all of our shoulders squarely. As a matter of fact, I have a daughter who displays quite the martial prowess who would be keen on joining the Imperial Legion as a captain.¡±


    ¡°And there it is, trying to get your dirty paws on the city¡¯s military again.¡± A fourth patriarch said with a sneer.


    The scene devolved into a shouting match, and Alicia mentally checked out, her mind returning to her own battle for power. Now that Father wasn¡¯t producing any more heirs, the battle between the siblings for control had begun in earnest.


    Just this year, two of her brothers had died, presumably killed by agents of her sisters.


    Alicia had chosen to back her brother James, a clever boy who had a practiced air of averageness. He hardly ever rose to the forefront of their father¡¯s attention, but he never failed either. Solid, dependable, and most importantly, able to keep his head down while his more bloodthirsty brothers and sisters were picking each other off. Once a few more of her brothers died, her other sisters would begin to line up behind her, but she would always be first.


    All he needed was someone smarter than him willing to bend the rules. No one cared how you won the patriarchy, only that you did. Her Aunt had told them the story of seducing the Chief of police, in excruciating detail, almost every night before bed. She hadn¡¯t ever said it directly, but Alicia had done research, and the night she spoke of with such fondness was the same night more than half of Father¡¯s brothers died in a fire.


    Aunt Maggie was the one in charge, now, because she did whatever it took.


    The race was still early, though, so Alicia was simply building money and connections, amassing a great deal of both through her clever method of rigging the scales of the dungeon¡¯s tax office.


    Why pay people to carry adamantium crystals in their ass when you could inflate the tax without anyone knowing and keep the difference? The only link in the chain was a clerk in the office who she paid well to keep his mouth shut and mail her the raw profits.


    She pictured her brother and his supporters well-armed, and well supported by a seemingly endless well of cash.


    When the other frontrunners discovered her brother¡¯s hidden depths, it would be too late.


    ***


    When the political theatre was done, the men and women filed out through separate entrances. The board members staring daggers at each other while the patriarchs walked stiffly to their individual carriages.


    Alicia rode in the carriage with her aunt and father on the way home. He peeled himself out of his jacket with a sigh and wiped sweat from his face with a cold, wet cloth. He and her Aunt talked politics as she listened.


    When they returned to the mansion, Alicia said her goodbyes to her Aunt Maggie, then traversed the Labyrinthine halls of the Denton Mansion, seeking out her brother¡¯s room, where he¡¯d be hard at work memorizing law and great speeches of the past, as per her coaching.


    ¡°James,¡± she said when she arrived at his door, ¡°It¡¯s Alicia. Tell me you¡¯re decent.¡± Nobody wanted to walk in on their brother with a chambermaid or worse.


    After a few seconds of silence, she shrugged. ¡°You¡¯ve been warned.¡±


    She opened the door.


    On the bed, half turned over, flattened into the silk sheets by rigor mortis, was her unremarkable brother, a massive stain of brown around his neck.


    She closed the door.


    ¡°Well, shit.¡± So much for that angle. Alicia stumbled away and leaned against the walls of the hallway as she considered her next move.


    Her second brother, Kyle, walked down the hall, wrapped in a towel, drying off his hair.


    ¡°Sweet sister, you look as if you¡¯d seen a ghost,¡± he said with a malicious grin. ¡°Have you visited James yet? I¡¯m sure his company will cheer you up.¡±


    Alicia tilted her head to stare at the current frontrunner.


    ¡°You missed a spot.¡± She said, pointing behind her ear.


    He paused a moment to guiltily touch the side of his head, bringing back nothing, but assuring Alicia that he had done the deed himself.


    ¡°Clever.¡± He said, reading her expression. ¡°Are you sure you don¡¯t want to support me? There¡¯re still positions open on my board for someone like you.¡±


    ¡°If you give me first chair.¡± Alicia said.


    Kyle clicked his tongue. ¡°That position has already been promised to Benedette, Can I interest you in dishwashing, or perhaps Human Relations?¡±


    ¡°Eat a dick Kyle. I¡¯ll be the first chair one way or another.¡± Alicia pushed herself to her feet and began walking away, her heart simmering with rage.


    Kyle caught her arm as she passed him. He leaned close to whisper in her ear.


    ¡°Careful sister. It might be against the rules to strike out at you, but the rules won¡¯t mean much to you after you¡¯re dead. Keep pushing and I¡¯ll treat you like any of my other brothers.¡±


    Alicia bit him. Hard.


    ¡°Agh, fuck!¡± Kyle shouted, tearing his bloody ear away from her mouth.


    ¡°Something to remember me by,¡± Alicia said before running for all she was worth.


    She needed a new brother to back, but all the acceptable ones had long since been taken by another sister, who would receive the first chair instead of her.


    So she needed to back an unacceptable one.


    Normally, only a handful of brothers die in the succession, and most of the rest are pushed out of the running peacefully, but Kyle had forced her into a situation where she would have to kill every brother between her and the first chair.


    So be it.


    Alicia sprinted down the hall, to where her second youngest brother¡¯s room was. When she entered the room, the eight-year old was busily recreating the battle of Detroit with tiny wooden soldiers.


    ¡°Hi Alicia,¡± he said absentmindedly as she entered.


    ¡°Hi Thomas,¡± she said, sitting crosslegged beside him.


    ¡°How would you like to have a real army?¡±


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 107: Collision Course

    Marcus Denton was sitting at his desk with a throbbing headache, review the financials for the last quarter. The profit margin of his businesses had taken a huge nosedive recently, which was saying something. He usually stole his wares.


    The adventurers he paid to smuggle Adamantium out of the dungeon north of the Green Hell were feeling the pinch. Someone was undercutting him, and he couldn¡¯t afford to pay them the old price.


    That and the tax was even higher this year on Adamantium, making those men particularly discontent.


    Extortion money had taken a bit of a dive as three crews had been beaten nearly to death by a mysterious assailant in the last three days.


    Probably some nobleson with more muscle than sense playing Paladin. As soon as Marcus found out who it was, he would destroy the man¡¯s family wealth and show him there was more to strength than knocking people around.


    Prostitution revenue was down. As the Madam had explained, some nameless thing had spooked the clientele. This had been independently verified, but he¡¯d given her a beating anyway. It was her job to solve problems like that.


    Pickpocketing and petty theft rent was stable, but it barely covered the bribes to the police in the area. With so many crews out of commission, he couldn¡¯t arrange for them to rob any large warehouses and fluff up their income selling stolen goods. All in all, it was a bad scene.


    A bunch of unusual occurrences coming together to form the most awful headache. Marcus had in years. If Marcus were a superstitious man, he would believe some ill-omened shit was happening, but raised as a nobleson, he didn¡¯t believe in the supernatural.


    Maybe some illegal magician was using voodoo on them.


    How was he supposed to contact his brother and tell him that the businesses that made up a quarter of his family¡¯s income had taken a sudden nosedive?


    The short answer? He wouldn¡¯t.


    Marcus would deal with the problems that he could deal with personally, and for the others, he would dip into his personal savings, hire professionals, and have them straighten out his shit. He had enough money set aside for an emergency to pretend the businesses were still profitable for six months before he ran out.


    Yeah, I can handle this.


    Might need to do some recruiting, too. Marcus thought, pulling out a bottle of wine from beneath his desk and pouring himself a cup. A few of his members were likely to walk away after having their faces pushed in like that. Some might not even be able to walk.


    There was a knock on the door.


    ¡°What?¡± Marcus barked.


    ¡°Boss, there¡¯s a kid here, wants a job.¡±


    Speak of the Betrayer.


    ¡°Put him with Danny¡¯s boys.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a bit of a special case, sir.¡±


    ¡°Oh? Send him in.¡±


    Marcus was pouring himself a cup when he spotted the well-dressed young man sauntering into his office, gawking at his trophies on the walls. Ah, I see, he looks like a noble, but I don¡¯t recognize the insignia on his vest at all.


    It was an easy mistake to make, seeing as all his men had seen maybe a handful of nobles in their lifetime in the common and slums districts. Either the kid was a noble from another city, or he had made up the insignia and saved up enough money for an exceptional set of clothes. Either way, he wasn¡¯t nearly as important as he had led his men to believe, but he¡¯d gotten Marcus¡¯s attention.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± he demanded, jamming the cork back into the bottle.


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for a job.¡± The boy said, his attention slowly wandering back to Marcus.


    That was odd, normally a kid like that wouldn¡¯t be able to take his eyes off Marcus, due to fear and awe. Either the kid had mental problems, or he wasn¡¯t afraid of him.


    Point for being a noble from another city.


    ¡°Plenty of opportunity doing street work, making the rounds. Unless you¡¯ve got a profitable contact in another city, you¡¯re worth less to me than the gaudy clothes on your back.¡±


    ¡°I thought they looked nice, but I¡¯ll be the first to admit I don¡¯t have an eye for fashion.¡± The boy said glancing down at his clothes. ¡°You like the symbol of Beladia?¡± He pointed to the symbol of a tree whose roots formed an egg.


    ¡°I don¡¯t care. Stop wasting my time or I¡¯ll feed you to the pigs.¡±


    ¡°Well, I was looking for a specific job. There are things I need to do in the city before I can move on, and I need an income to make it happen.¡±


    ¡°And that job is¡­?¡± Marcus said, losing his patience.


    ¡°Yours.¡± The boy¡¯s hand flashed forward, and Marcus was able to put his hand between him and whatever was speeding toward him before everything went white.


    ***Garth***


    Garth kicked The Boss¡¯s body out of his chair, onto the floor. There was a large wooden spike pinning the man¡¯s hand to his face, erupting from the back of his skull. With a well-placed foot and a bit of tugging, Garth was able to retrieve the spike and turn it to ash.


    ¡°May you go to whatever afterlife suits you,¡± he murmured.


    ¡°Boss, is something wrong?¡± came the bodyguard¡¯s voice from outside.


    ¡°Yeah, get in here, He¡¯s about to sign something and he needs a witness!¡± Garth said. Let¡¯s see, a dash of terror, combined with a mild paralytic. He waved his hand and with a gust of wind, filled the far end of the room with invisible airborne drugs that would put the bodyguards into a highly suggestable state.


    Instant stockholm syndrome.


    Best of all, it wasn¡¯t technically magical control, so it couldn¡¯t be discovered in that way.


    ¡°What are you gonna-¡° Both of the Bosses men inhaled sharply as they saw Garth propping up the man¡¯s corpse in his chair, and got hit with the full whammy of psycadelic drugs, with a heavy dose of oxytocin.


    Their pupils dilated and they wobbled on their feet, staring slack jawed a the scene in front of them.


    ¡°I, Marcus Denton,¡± Garth said as he made the corpse with a hole in its face write on a nearby sheet of paper. ¡°Do hereby give¡­¡± Garth had an internal struggle. He never wanted to use a pseudonym, but there was practically no way he could avoid it, now.


    And he couldn¡¯t use a funny one like Harry Potter, or Gandalf the white, because it could give a hint about his age. Garth had no choice but to suck it up and choose the blandest name he could think of.


    ¡°John Smith, all my properties, without exception, as well as all of my responsibilities, to manage in any way he sees fit.¡±


    Garth pitched his voice higher. ¡°Why thank you Marcus!¡± Garth used Telekinesis to move the man¡¯s head to look at him and flap its jaw.


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± He had the corpse say with an audible illusion.


    Marcus¡¯s bodyguard¡¯s screamed and fell onto their butts as Garth knocked the dead body back off of the chair and took his seat. Who knew what they were seeing right now, but they were definitely going to feel the effects for years to come.


    Excellent.


    ¡°So,¡± Garth said, throwing his feet up on the desk. ¡°You heard the man, I¡¯m in charge now, so I need you to bring me all your problems.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You heard me.¡± Garth said. ¡°Being in charge isn¡¯t about sitting behind a desk lording it over everyone, it¡¯s about solving the awful problems that get passed up to you. The money and women are kind of a fringe benefit. Do you have any paperwork showing the state of the business?¡±


    They shook their heads, slowly coming out of their stupor.


    ¡°Can¡¯t read.¡±


    ¡°Sonofabitch.¡± Garth said, leaning forward and picking through the papers on Marcus¡¯s desk. He glanced down at the lifeless body beside him. ¡°You could have organized it by month or something.¡±


    He looked back up at the two men watching him from the floor with pale faces.


    Oh right, the paralytic. He motionlessly gave them an antidote on an imperceptible gust of wind. They would only remember being frozen with terror.


    ¡°Since you rockheads can¡¯t read, prepare an oral report on the minutia of the business, who¡¯s important, who runs what, and how. Once I have that, I¡¯ll start putting names and faces to the numbers on these pages.¡±


    ¡°I have an Adamantium smuggling ring!?¡± Garth said aloud as he came across the details on Marcus¡¯s notes. The two cronies looked at each other and started heading for the door.


    ¡°Oh, and if you don¡¯t come back, I¡¯ll find you and your families,¡± Garth said confidently. He didn¡¯t intend to kill innocents, but he needed them to believe it. He needed them to heed him long enough for him to prove he knew what he was doing.


    After all, this was the second time he was running a criminal empire.


    Well, maybe more than that. A lot of the years with Beladia were fuzzy.


    Garth intended to be more hands-on this time.


    ***Alicia***


    ¡°You¡¯re sure this is what you want?¡± her father asked Thomas one last time.


    Thomas, having been thoroughly briefed by Alicia, nodded again, before hastily following it up with ¡°Yes, Father.¡±


    They stood in front of the entire family, assembled to watch one of the youngest boys throw his hat in the ring to compete for the right to be the Sole Heir. The heavy oak dinner tables had been shoved aside to create a space in the center of the dining room where Thomas stood, fidgeting under the scrutiny of the rest of the family. He hadn¡¯t buckled yet, despite all of their father¡¯s questions.


    Their father heaved an enormous sigh and dragged his fingers down his face and through his short black and grey beard, before shooting Alicia a glare.


    ¡°I have seen your determination, Thomas Denton. As Patriarch, I have no choice but to Admit Thomas Denton to the battle of succession. May fortune favor you. If at any point you wish to concede, you may speak with me or Aunt Maggie privately and we will handle the details.


    ¡°Yes Father.¡± Thomas said with a childish bow.


    ¡°And let me use this opportunity, with all of us gathered here, to speak to another matter. My youngest, Bradley, is not to be used as a pawn in your game, and if one of you tries to reproduce Alicia¡¯s stunt, I will personally remove all your teeth.¡±


    The eight boys and thirteen girls of the Denton household nodded solemnly.


    Their father cast his gaze over everyone present, then nodded. ¡°Alright. Then let¡¯s have dinner.


    Hours later, Alicia was walking Thomas back to his room, holding his hand the entire way and glancing over her shoulder for pursuers. Kyle was a creature of habit. If he found something that worked, he would do it again. He was also cruel. What better way to dash his sister¡¯s hope than kill the boy on the same night he ill-advisedly joined the race for the patriarchy?


    She was counting on it.


    Alicia cautiously opened the door and peered into Thomas¡¯s room, checking the closet and wardrobe for attackers, and peering outside, into the gardens rendered pitch black by the new moon.


    ¡°What are you looking for?¡± Thomas asked her. Alicia focused her attention on her younger brother, kneeling to look him in the eye.


    ¡°Thomas, in this game, your brothers and sisters are trying to catch you. It¡¯s kind of like a big game of tag.¡±


    ¡°Where the losers die.¡± Thomas said. Alicia wasn¡¯t sure he understood the implications, but she nodded.


    ¡°Yes, and the game doesn¡¯t end at bedtime. As a matter of fact, it gets even worse at bedtime. So what you¡¯re going to do now is hide where people won¡¯t find you, and I¡¯ll try to catch them trying to catch you.¡±


    ¡°Why can¡¯t I catch people? Thomas asked, sticking out his bottom lip a bit sullenly.


    ¡°Because even if you did catch someone, your brothers would cheat and catch you. I can stop them from cheating. It¡¯s very important we stop that from happening, okay? For now, we¡¯ll be a team, you hide, and I catch.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± Thomas said, nodding.


    ¡°Alright, now, put this on under your clothes,¡± She said, handing him the hastily re-sized mithril shirt meant for his brother. ¡°Then put on your jacket, because you¡¯re going climbing.¡±


    ¡°I get to climb, and at night?¡± he asked, enthralled.


    ¡°Welcome to the game.¡± Alicia said with a grin.


    Once she had Thomas squared away, she quietly left the room, making sure the door was locked. She kept her eyes open for watchers. Just because she didn¡¯t see any didn¡¯t mean they weren¡¯t there, however. Alicia walked in a dignified manner until she reached her room, opened the door and stepped inside.


    Once she was in her room, all her veneer of placid calm was lost, and she began changing clothes at a frightening pace. She couldn¡¯t afford to still be in her room when Kyle came for her brother.


    She shrugged out of her dress in a matter of seconds, threw on form fitting black pants and a black silk button up shirt and buckled her prized adamantium rapier onto her belt before climbing out the window. All told, about thirty seconds had passed since she¡¯d closed the door.


    Alicia nimbly crawled along the outer wall of her family¡¯s mansion, silently leaping from balcony to balcony, before she met her brother on the balcony above his window.


    ¡°Having fun?¡± she asked, and he grinned, nodding.


    ¡°Good, I¡¯m gonna watch the room. If you want to stand watch, poke me if you see anyone coming. It might get boring, so if you get sleepy, take a nap, okay?


    ¡°Okay.¡± Thomas said, stifling a yawn.


    It was his bed-time.


    With an internal sigh, Alicia leaned over the balcony in the pitch-black night and peered into her brother¡¯s room.


    The night was uneventful for the first two hours, and Alicia found herself questioning her level of caution when the door to the room finally opened, letting in the illumination of a tiny glow-stone, more steady, and less bright than a candle.


    It was just barely enough light to navigate by, and not enough to wake anyone up.


    Alicia tensed, ready to swing down into the windowsill and perforate Kyle, when another darkened form followed behind his.


    Two of them? Alicia was playing a risky enough game already without pressing her luck in a fight with two heirs, with their superhuman strength. Why would they work together at anything¡­unless they¡¯d already reached an agreement about who would be the successor, and the other was just staying in the running to weed out the competition.


    Heirs working together were dangerous.


    Shit, Alicia cursed internally.


    ¡°He¡¯s not here either,¡± Kyle whispered, peeling back the covers to reveal a lump of pillows. ¡°She must have relocated him.¡±


    Either?? Did they go to my room? This game was starting to hit a little close to home.


    ¡°Let¡¯s tell Father and go back to bed. We can free Thomas of her venomous influence some other time.¡±


    The two heirs silently padded out of the room.


    So it¡¯s like that, is it? Alicia thought, her vision turning red. Betrayed by her own Father.


    Well, like Aunt Maggie, I¡¯m going to win, no matter what it takes.


    In the meantime, she was no longer betting her horse¡¯s life. She was betting her own.


    Alicia slid back onto the balcony and turned to Thomas, who was quietly snoring, insensate. She needed a safe place to sleep.


    Aunt Maggie would turn them away. She was forbidden from helping any one side, as was the rest of her family.


    Except uncle Marcus.


    He was outside the realm of family politics, and he owed her a few favors. He would be easy to browbeat into offering her a safe place to stay, but he inevitably worked for her father. It would never last.


    Perhaps she could use him to set a trap. Beg him for a safe house and rig it with poison while she and her brother stayed at an Inn incognito.


    She would need to find them both a change of clothes, but it could be done.


    Plan formulating in her mind, Alicia picked up her sleeping brother and laboriously carried him down to the garden before she headed for the gate that lead to the city street.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 108: Slugmatch in the Alley

    ¡°So now you¡¯re telling me that the official tax rate is 98.5%?¡± Garth asked the sweating clerk. The skinny man with bulging eyes nodded emphatically.


    That explains why smuggling the adamantium out is so goddamn profitable. Shove a single crystal up your butt duty free, and it¡¯s the same as carrying more than fifty out the front gate with you. If every mine of every planet was taxed similarly, were they building bedpans and sidewalks out of adamantium in the Core?


    Adamantium mech suits? I¡¯d pay to see that.


    Garth reigned in his thoughts


    ¡°Up half a percent from last year?¡± he asked. The thugs behind Garth glowered at the clerk, cracking their knuckles. These particular men were adventurers who risked their lives in the Adamantium mine north of the dungeon, however the recent uptick in the tax rate had rendered the job less than profitable.


    ¡°You understand that half a percent, while it may seem small, is actually 25% of these men¡¯s income?¡± Garth thumbed at the men behind him.


    ¡°Ah, yessir.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s very odd, because Randy here,¡± He pointed at the other growling adventurer ¨C ¡°is a gold ranked adventurer and citizen of the Inner Spheres, so he and I did a little legwork and it sure seems like the tax rate for adamantium is derived from a flat amount imposed by the Dan Ui clan that hasn¡¯t changed in centuries. We both feel that it¡¯s a little odd for it to change now.¡±


    The clerk glanced back and forth between them nervously as Garth leaned on the counter.


    ¡°So,¡± he glanced down at the man¡¯s placard. ¡°Michael, can I call you Mike? Mike, if we go behind your little desk there and look around, we¡¯re not going to see approximately a quarter of these fine gentlemen¡¯s income earmarked for some nefarious purposes are we?¡±


    ¡°Y-you can¡¯t.. that¡¯s against the law -It¡¯s unlawful for a Civilian to-¡°


    ¡°Randy.¡±


    Randy and his buddy Koth lightly jumped over the wooden desk, landing on either side of the slender man.


    ¡°So many people confuse something that is illegal with something that you can¡¯t do.¡± Garth said, following the two of them over the desk as they held the clerk¡¯s arms.


    ¡°Now, are you going to tell us what your game is, or are we going to have to break every bone in your body?¡±


    After a few minutes of roughing the guy up he spilled the beans, implicating some Brenna girl in the conspiracy to defraud the adventurers. Garth didn¡¯t recognize the name or the description, and neither did his adventurer friends.


    ¡°Well, when she comes back around, you give her something from us, okay?¡± Garth said.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    Garth punched the clerk in the jaw, being careful not to kill him.


    The clerk¡¯s face snapped to the side, and a minute later he coughed up a tooth.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go.¡± Garth said, leaving Mike to think about his actions.


    Garth and Marcus¡¯s smugglers went their separate ways, their pockets loaded with their hard-earned loot. They clapped him on the back on the way out, telling him that they¡¯d love to continue doing business with him in the future, and that he was damn scary for a kid.


    That¡¯s the big problem taken care of, Garth thought, walking through the dark streets back toward the Boss¡¯s office. There was a lot of other things he would have to do, like interview and set up Operant Conditioning on each of the people working for him, weed out bad eggs, hire some new crewmembers to stay on top of the protection racket, destroy the Dentons, overhaul the exploitative prostitution ring. Unspook the whore¡¯s customers that he¡¯d spooked, get an inroad with the law¡­


    Garth heaved a sigh. He was swamped.


    Destroying the Dentons might be the trickiest part. He¡¯d found the recurring payments to the noble house in Marcus¡¯s ledger, and realized that the entire criminal organization was the Denton¡¯s operation. They were unlikely to work with him after killing one of their own, and the amount of money that flowed through Marcus¡¯s hands into that noble house was a huge threat to the profit margin.


    Garth surely didn¡¯t want to continue paying them, but upsetting the applecart at this point would just lead to death or, worst case scenario, a mob with pitchforks aiming for his phylactery.


    Best case scenario, Garth could hold the business hostage and negotiate a lower payment and concessions from the Dentons, who would carry on as if nothing was wrong in order to avoid bringing their dirty laundry to light.


    That meant the next step Garth should take is to gather all the damning evidence he could in a nice package, and square it away somewhere safely. That and get plenty of muscle, since their first instinct would be to kill his ass.


    Work, work, he thought, ambling through the narrow alley to the door to Marcus¡¯s tacky skull-filled office. He might have thought it was cool when he was fourteen, but now he was just irritated by how much dusting the orbital sockets would take.


    Garth stopped and leaned against the door to the office, conjuring a self-wrapping blunt between his fingers. He needed to relax a moment before getting back to work, and to do that, he¡¯d have to get past his powerful racial resistance to drugs.


    Garth lit the cigar with a flame from his thumb and puffed on it to get it started before relaxing and letting the designer drugs work their way through his system.


    Garth was just starting to feel the effects in his muscles when he noticed an odd pattern in the sounds of the surrounding alley, thanks to the pot altering his perceptions.


    Behind the moans of lady entrepreneurs from the windows above him, and beneath the soft scratching of vermin in the alleyway darting out to find something to eat, he heard a soft pat pat, along with a faster tempo patter patter that was a little bit louder, less able to mask its noise.


    Garth peered down the darkened alley, taking another puff of his cigar as he listened to the sounds approach.


    Whatever it was, it didn¡¯t bother him. The likelihood of something scarier than him blundering down this particular alleyway was astronomical.


    Unless it was Cass being a beggar again.


    You just wait until I find you again.


    In a matter of seconds, a girl of maybe eighteen turned the corner, holding the hand of a young boy.


    She was slender, with full, crimson lips, black hair and blue eyes peeking out from a beneath a black mask. Her clothes were all black, of high quality silk, and a silvery rapier of exquisite quality hung from her side as she walked. She had small breasts on a thin frame that lead down to hips that flared out into a generous butt, gradually narrowing back down into her legs.


    Never going to have balance problems, Garth thought, watching them approach. Mmn.


    The boy was maybe eight, also black hair, blue eyes. still had a bit of baby fat, a bit young to have many distinguishing features. He looked sleepy.


    The girl strode up to him like she owned the place, heedless of the rats that scurried out of the way. The boy on the other hand, seemed a little skittish around them.


    ¡°Who are you supposed to be, the dread pirate Roberts?¡± Garth asked the girl in black, tapping a bit of ash off the end of his cigar as they stopped in front of him.


    ***Alicia***


    ¡°I¡¯m here to see Marcus Denton on urgent business.¡± She said, shaking off the odd question from the door guard. She briefly wondered what might have prompted her uncle to hire a door guard, and then settle for someone as unintimidating as this brown haired lad of fifteen. He was a few inches shorter than her, and obviously not of noble birth, despite his gaudy clothes. His face had none of the tell-tale features that many of the noble houses had, with a rather thin face with a slightly bulbous nose and jutting brow, lending him a bit of an unsophisticated look. His body wasn¡¯t as large or solidly built as a boy born from a Garthspawn, either.


    The dimwitted looking commoner in front of her sucked in a breath through his teeth, paused a moment to take a puff of his strange smelling cigar, before speaking.


    ¡°He¡¯s¡­indisposed. I can pass a message along, if you like.¡±


    Alicia¡¯s ire rose as the half-lidded fool shrugged her off like some common street walker.


    ¡°I will speak to him now.¡± She said, freeing her rapier from its sheath with a beautiful ringing sound. ¡°I don¡¯t care who he¡¯s with, or what he¡¯s doing with them, my uncle will see me.¡±


    ¡°Your uncle?¡± The door guard said, his eyes regaining a bit of clarity.


    ¡°You stand before nobility,¡± she said, putting the tip of the rapier beneath his chin. ¡°Did the sword not make that perfectly clear? Now, open the door, or I will be forced to go through you.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± The boy said, glancing behind him at the door. ¡°Oh! You think I¡¯m guarding the door!¡± He slapped his palm against his forehead and took another puff of the acrid smelling smoke while chuckling, completely ignoring the sword against his neck. ¡°That makes sense.¡±


    Something about his behavior was making the hairs on Alicia¡¯s neck stand on end. There was something not right about the boy in front of her. No concern for the blade, no concern for her status, no concern for his life.


    ¡°So your uncle¡¯s out of commission for the night. He smoked way too much opium and is currently sleeping it off in the bed in the back. He won¡¯t do anyone any good until tomorrow. Is there anything I can get for you in the meantime?¡±


    ¡°Opium?¡± She asked, frowning. She had never seen ¨C or heard of ¨C her uncle dabbling in the drugs he occasionally moved from city to city.


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s still a thing nowadays, right?¡± The boy asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m losing my patience. Stand aside or be cut down.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, stand aside,¡± Thomas echoed.


    ¡°No problem, no problem.¡± He said, scooting aside. She hauled the heavy door open and climbed the flight of stairs to her uncle¡¯s office. She passed by the trophys without even noticing them, zeroing in on the tiny room in the back of the office. Peeking her head in, she saw her uncle curled into the fetal position snoring into his pillow.


    ¡°Uncle,¡± Alicia said, shaking him. ¡°Uncle Marcus!¡±


    True to his word, her uncle didn¡¯t respond in the slightest. If it weren¡¯t for his snoring, she would have thought him a corpse.


    Alicia growled in frustration, stood up and opened his desk, pulling out one of the safehouse envelopes, containing the address of a safehouse, its key, and a thousand credits.


    Maybe it was better she didn¡¯t have to deal with Marcus. He might have asked her about the Adamantium tax she had used to line her pockets these last six months.


    She bent down and wrote a quick letter.


    Uncle, the race for Succession has made it necessary to move out of the Denton Mansion until the winner is decided. I¡¯m borrowing a safehouse key in exchange for one of the favors you owe me.


    When you wake up, perhaps reconsider whatever drug-addled thoughts prompted you to hire the fool guarding the door.


    Thomas got to the top of the stairs moments before she finished writing.


    ¡°What now, Alicia?¡± he asked with a yawn. ¡°I¡¯m tired.¡±


    ¡°Now we need to buy a change of clothes and rent a room at an Inn. I can carry you if you need to sleep.¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± he said, struggling to keep his eyes open. ¡°This is like a treasure hunt. It¡¯s really fun.¡±


    ¡°Glad you think so,¡± she said, taking his hand and heading back down the stairs. When she stepped back into the alley, the smell of trash, sewage and sex assaulted her nostrils again, nearly making her stomach rebel against her.


    She couldn¡¯t afford to be weak, so she squared her shoulders and strode purposefully out into the alley.


    ¡°Find what you were looking for?¡± The boy outside the door asked jovially. That was strange. It was frowned upon for a commoner to engage a noble in conversation. He¡¯d been allowed to speak because she¡¯d been speaking to him, but here he was, talking to her without being prompted as if he were her equal.


    It simply added to her sense of unease.


    ¡°Do not speak to me.¡± She said without looking at him, marching toward the alley exit.


    ¡°¡¯Kay,¡± he said.


    She glanced over her shoulder and saw him staring at her hips for an instant before his gaze flickered away, his face assuming studied indifference.


    How uncouth. Her first instinct was to gut him, and her second was to tell Marcus, so her uncle could gut him.


    Then she dug down past her anger and remembered her Aunt¡¯s tales of seduction. If she gutted him, he was dead, and she got nothing. If he lusted after her, maybe she could profit from it someday. According to Maggie, lust made men work for free and hampered their judgement.


    So she faced forward and added a little sway to her hips as she walked, Letting them work their magic.


    ***Garth***


    Looks like the Marcus decoy worked, Garth thought, eyeing the girl¡¯s generous hips that had begun to roll as soon as she noticed him watching. Was she trying to seduce him? after threatening to kill him?


    I¡¯m confused. But also slightly aroused.


    Not gonna say no to nice view though, Garth thought taking another hit as he watched the perfectly round buttocks jiggle and sway, barely contained by her pants. There was about a half of his cigar left when two big thugs jumped into the alley and swung heavy clubs at the young girl¡¯s face.


    She reeled out of the way of the blow, shoving her brother backward with superhuman force, sending him tumbling halfway back down the alley towards Garth.


    Now things are getting interesting, Garth thought, tapping ash from his cigar.


    She freed her adamantium rapier and lashed out, the reflected light from the blade creating a crescent of silver in his retina.


    One of the thug¡¯s clubs was sheared in two, the cut taking a bit of flesh out of his shoulder.


    The other one aimed a two-handed blow at her, and she swirled inside the man¡¯s reach, avoiding the strike but putting her at a bad range for her rapier. With some creative maneuvering, she was able to pull her sword all the way back and stab at the chest only inches away from her own.


    The man saw this coming, however, and knocked her blade aside with his palm, forcing it to go through the flesh of his side rather than his internal organs.


    His partner dropped his club and pulled out a wicked dagger, swinging it at her chest.


    She nimbly danced around the man¡¯s partner, trying to put him between her and the blade, and received a shallow gash across her shoulder for her efforts.


    I wonder if this is common, Garth thought as the boy sat up and began to cry while the girl screamed in pain.


    Garth resolved to step in if the girl looked like she was going to die, or if they went after the boy, but otherwise, this was an excellent opportunity to see a noble in action.


    She growled and ripped her blade out of the man¡¯s side, skewering his knife-wielding partner in the center of his chest, driving him up against the wall.


    The man who¡¯d had the rapier through his side stumbled aside as she forced his partner up against the wall and began sawing through his heart. He shook his head, reached into his shirt and retrieved his own blade.


    The girl was preoccupied with her first kill and didn¡¯t notice the dagger plunging toward her kidneys.


    The man barreled into her blade first, slamming her up against the wall in a Thug/girl/Thug sandwich, held together by steel in flesh.


    She let out a scream of pain and knocked her head against the man¡¯s nose, sending him reeling backward. She twisted around and delivered a gymnast level kick to the side of the man¡¯s head. His dagger fell from senseless fingers, clean.


    Must be wearing body armor, Garth thought, nodding.


    She picked up the dagger and jumped on the toppled thug, ramming the blade into his chest six times while his desperate, clutching fingers tried to tear at her face, hair and clothes.


    Finally, the man stopped moving, his arms falling beside him as his blood emptied into the gutters.


    The Denton girl stood up, her face mask torn away, her lip busted, panting desperately.


    Pretty cute, Garth thought, taking another puff of his cigar.


    The sudden red light from the end of his cigar attracted her attention to his face, and she began limping over to him, holding a hand over her right kidney, where she¡¯d surely have a nasty bruise in the morning.


    She gonna try to silence the witness? Garth thought idly as she approached, passing by the weeping boy. Let¡¯s see what kind of people we¡¯re dealing with.


    She stopped in front of him, glaring at him with bloodshot eyes, the painful stoop making her appear animalistic.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you help?¡± She demanded.


    Garth shrugged. ¡°You seemed like you had it under control.¡±


    ¡°Give me that,¡± She snarled, snatching the cigar out of Garth¡¯s hand and taking a deep breath of the thick smoke.


    ¡°Wait that¡¯s-¡°


    Her eyelids fluttered for a moment before her eyes rolled into the back of her head. She collapsed into the grimy alley. Her split lip sealed, and her bruises began magically fading, care of Garth¡¯s cigar.


    ¡°My own special blend.¡± Garth sighed.


    Garth was now left alone in an alley with a couple corpses, a weeping child, and a blood-covered unconscious girl. He hadn¡¯t been in a situation this awkward since the prom.


    At least this couldn¡¯t get much worse.


    ¡°City police! Nobody move!¡± came an authoritative voice from outside the alley.


    I stand corrected. Thank you karma, you sadistic bitch.


    Macronomicon


    Thus continues the spew of chapters! It''s a celebration! 2 times a day for a week, people will get their fixes, so don''t forget to check in.


    After this run is over, the Patreon will be 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 109: Cat and Mouse

    ¡°What is this?¡± Paul asked, jamming the opened book into Bertrand the historian¡¯s face. The word Phytomagus was underlined, severely reducing the value of the hand-written text.


    ¡°Phytomagus?¡± The historian asked, frowning. He had a shock of unruly white hair and a face that was so droopy it looked liable to slide off his skull.


    ¡°Yes, there¡¯s only one reference to it in the book, attributing it to some of Garth¡¯s followers.¡±


    ¡°Mmmn, ah, yes.¡± Burt muttered to himself a moment and turned to the shelf behind his desk, his gnarled hands sorting through the books by feel. ¡°Here we go.¡± He pulled a thin hardbound book out.


    The title was printed in dark ink, and the book was bound in ancient red leather, giving it a somber feeling.


    ¡°Lost and Forbidden Classes from the time of the Gods.¡±


    ¡°Ahem, let¡¯s see. Blood-drinker, Oath-taker¡­¡± He flipped through a couple more pages. ¡°There we are! Phytomagus.¡±


    Paul reached out to take the manual, but the old man snatched it away from him with surprising swiftness.


    ¡°After what you did you to the Illuminated History of the Mississippi Empire?¡± he asked with a scowl. ¡°I¡¯ll read it to you.¡±


    Paul sighed and leaned on the desk as the old man cleared his throat.


    ¡°Pioneered by Clark Simmons, one of the Betrayer¡¯s wicked lieutenants, the phytomagus is a class that allows the user a more intuitive understanding of any magic involving plants, and to a much lesser extent, life. This at first seemed highly beneficial, and its use spread like wildfire to engineer bountiful harvests and building materials. However, every Phytomage eventually began to go mad as the wicked class distorted their minds, losing touch with reality, and degrading the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, their humanity reverting to an animalistic state. ¡°


    ¡°Was Garth a Phytomage?¡± Paul asked. ¡°What you just read, combined with some of the things I read seem to suggest that.¡±


    ¡°Garth Daniels was a different animal entirely, he accomplished feats completely outside the bounds of a phytomage, so his class, and even his race are uncertain. I have an entire book dedicated to theories about The Betrayer if you want, but for now hush up and let me read.¡±


    ¡°Where was I? Ah,¡± Burt cleared his throat. ¡°Because of the grievous harm a Phytomagus could cause to others and to the economy with their poisonous weeds that could choke the life out of the land, the class has been forbidden since the fall of man, when we were thrown from our crystal towers, back to the mud of the Earth.¡±


    ¡°Does it say what they can do? Do they have any defining features?¡± Paul asked, frustrated with Burt¡¯s slow reading speed.


    ¡°Let me see, em¡­¡± Burt cleared his throat. ¡°In battle, a Phytomagus was relatively weak, and more focused on logistics. It is said, however, that the greatest Phytomage, Kristen Tanner, created an entire wooden castle overnight, and when it was approached, the walls exploded into razor sharp shards hard enough to penetrate steel armor. Many men were lost to put her out of her insane misery.¡±


    ¡°Does it say anything more about these wooden shards? Could they resist fire?¡± Paul asked.


    Burt raised an eyebrow, but skimmed through the text anyway. ¡°It says they could create unnatural plants that could outperform their normal brethren in any number of ways, so, maybe?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d really like to read it myself.¡± Paul said through clenched teeth.


    ¡°Too bad.¡± Burt replied, ¡°You should have thought about that before you doodled in one of only five copies. Thank the gods it wasn¡¯t the original.¡±


    ¡°Burt, I promise that I won¡¯t harm the book, or leave with it. I will read it right here in front of you. I also promise that if you don¡¯t hand me the book, you¡¯re going to die of dysentery in prison in about two weeks.¡±


    The historian stared at him, horrified, before handing him the book with a shaky hand.


    Finally, Paul took the book and set it on the desk, rapidly scanning the pages.


    Clark distributed seeds that could grow into fully formed arms and armor in a matter of seconds, performing as well as their metal counterparts in the battle of Sickness Pass. A few of these wooden blades remain in the Mississippi City Museum.


    ¡°Hah!¡± Paul pinned his finger on the paragraph with a victorious shout.


    Paul was certain he was dealing with a user of a Forbidden Class. A Phytomagus, specifically.


    Now the question was, where the hell did they come from, where were they now, and how could they use magic?


    Was it some dispossessed royal heir?


    Paul shook his head. He had to keep it to things he knew. There was evidence of a phytomagus between here and the Green Hell, and he or she had been present for the battle between the Yenner and the group sent to retrieve reported rebels.


    Now there were no rebels, no Guardsmen, and no Phytomagus.


    Paul had to find the boy again. There was a slim chance he¡¯d seen something that he hadn¡¯t been aware of, like the plants being especially lush that day or something. On the other hand, there was a slim chance that the boy was the phytomagus.


    It seemed safe to investigate the possibility that the phytomagus had come from the ruins of L.A., more commonly called The Green Hell. Perhaps there was an unrestricted Class Imprinting Sphere somewhere in the ancient ruins of the city?


    Paul shook his head again. Too far out on a limb. Narrow your focus. If the phytomage had fled back to the green hell, it wasn¡¯t his problem to pursue. He had to operate under the notion that the person had chosen to come to his city, and prepare for that.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± Burt asked timidly.


    ¡°No, I think I¡¯ve got what I need,¡± Paul said, sliding the book back across the old man¡¯s desk. He tightened his coat and turned toward the door, exiting the aristocratic quarter¡¯s reference library into the cool night air.


    Whether to report this to the higher-ups or not? All the tangible evidence he had was a shiv that could have come from a relic of the bygone age. It could have come from a relic, but something told him it wouldn¡¯t have been tossed aside like an afterthought if that was the case.


    No, he needed more than that, and getting himself laughed out of the office and possibly losing his job would do more harm than good. Especially if there was no phytomagus.


    Paul¡¯s feet turned toward the trade district and the slums beyond. In his years of police work, he¡¯d made connections that might serve him as an early warning system. He could ask them to keep an eye open from anything strange going on in the city and report back to him.


    Paul was entering the seedier side of the trade district when he heard a young girl scream in pain from an alleyway ahead of him.


    ¡°Balls,¡± Paul cursed, scanning the dark, empty street. There was a halfway decent chance that this was a ploy to lure in white knights and strip them of their property. He didn¡¯t see anyone, but that didn¡¯t mean much.


    He should probably turn back and find another way to the slums.


    Then Paul heard a feminine shout of rage, a deep throated man¡¯s cry of pain, and the unsettling sound of steel scraping against flesh and bone.


    That doesn¡¯t sound like they¡¯re faking, Paul thought, drawing his blade and quietly approaching the alley, keeping his eyes and ears tuned for the smallest sounds, especially the scrape of bootleather behind him, in case this was still just an ambush, albeit a uncannily well-acted one.


    A child started crying from the alleyway.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you help me!?¡± came an angry young woman¡¯s voice with an aristocratic lilt to it.


    There was a reply, but it was too soft to carry outside the alley.


    ¡°Give me that!¡±


    Definitely not an ambush, Paul thought, putting on his game face. He would love to have backup right about now, but something strange had just happened, and that was the sort of thing Paul was looking for. Why would the assaulted woman sound angry rather than terrified? The possibility that she was the perpetrator was high.


    ¡°City police! Nobody move!¡± Paul projected from the street outside, listening to the scrape of feet against stone for a moment before ducking his head in for a quick look into the alley, on guard for a sudden attack.


    The alley was a slaughter.


    Two large men lay near the entrance, one pinned to the building by a thin adamantium blade that only an aristocrat could afford, the other sprawled in the center of the alley, torn to shreds by repeated stabbing from a curved knife that was still embedded in his chest.


    Further back, there was the last inch of a cigar, still glowing at the end. Other than that, the alley was empty, with no way in or out other than where Paul was standing. There weren¡¯t even any doors into the buildings on either side.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± Paul asked, craning his neck up. Did they climb? There was nothing for them to climb on, and honestly, there had to have been at least two people, a girl and the child she spoke to. Paul didn¡¯t believe they would have both been able to climb the buildings in the short time between his shout and looking around the corner, even if there were things to climb on.


    They had vanished like ghosts. Things were starting to get strange in Santo Descanso


    ***Garth***


    ¡°City police! Nobody move!¡±


    Garth cursed Karma and grabbed the girl, throwing her over his shoulder with all the speed his supremely relaxed body could muster. He didn¡¯t even have time to appreciate the warm hip pressing against his cheek as he reached out with telekinesis and snagged the bawling boy and pulled him into the back of the alley with the two of them.


    Garth leaned down and pressed his hand against the child¡¯s mouth.


    ¡°We¡¯ve gotta be quiet now, or your sister¡¯s gonna get arrested,¡± he whispered, ¡°understood?¡±


    Garth threw up an illusion to cover the three of them huddled in the back of the alley, and one to cover the door to Marcus¡¯s office.


    Didn¡¯t want people snooping around in there.


    The boy nodded just before brown haired man with a chiseled jaw and streaks of grey in his hair ducked his head around the corner, stared at the dead thugs a moment, and began creeping into the alley, his head scanning side to side, and up.


    Garth recognized him as the officer senior to the one who¡¯d taken his statement. It had only been a brief second, but the younger man had shown a great deal of deference to this one.


    Mind control has a way of snowballing out of control, using more to cover up the mind control you already used, so Garth wanted to keep its use on a tight leash. As long as the detective never saw them here, he didn¡¯t intend to do anything to him.


    ¡°He won¡¯t see us as long as we stay quiet in the dark.¡± Garth whispered straight into the boy¡¯s ear. The eight-year-old nodded silently.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± The detective said, glancing around the alley, gradually focusing on the adamantium rapier stuck in the dead man¡¯s chest. He grabbed the handle and yanked the blade free of the stone behind the corpse, allowing it to drop to the ground.


    ¡°Denton,¡± he said quietly, inspecting the blade. The man glanced around the alley a moment longer, then seemingly decided not to push his luck, bringing the rapier with him into the street.


    ¡°Well, that was exciting, but I think it¡¯s time to go,¡± Garth whispered, putting the boy to sleep with sedatives grown from invisible spores.


    The scene was probably going to be crawling with police in the next half hour, so now was the time to book it. He sat the unconscious girl down on the wall and inspected her features. It didn¡¯t escape him that she matched the description that the clerk had given him of the Brenna girl who¡¯d orchestrated the embezzlement.


    Looks like we got a budding crime queen here¡­


    Garth searched her for clues as to what she was doing here, keeping his attitude professional as be probed through her clothes. A moment later he dug an envelope out of her shirt detailing the location of a safehouse in the Trade district.


    Garth didn¡¯t have any better ideas for what to do with the two of them, so he put the envelope in his pocket and threw the siblings over his shoulders, booking it to the address.


    Macronomicon


    Thus ends the spew of chapters!


    Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. Garth was always gonna die, from the beginning, because I found the premise of a man both thrown out of time and kind of Isekai-ed without even leaving his planet to be amusing, with the twist of being the antichrist. Hope you guys have enjoyed everything so far!


    Now that the run is over, the Patreon is exactly 40 chapters ahead.

 Chapter 110: New day, new Opportunities.

    ***Alicia***


    Alicia inhaled, turning over in bed and stretching against the soft linens. Every muscle in her body was singing with pleasure. It felt like it had the time she and her sisters had been taken to the spa by Aunt Maggie, where she¡¯d forsaken the hot baths and the steam for four straight hours of massage.


    As a matter of fact, she was having a hard time even moving.


    Alicia¡¯s eyes flew open and she inhaled, adrenaline kick-starting her muscles, allowing her to sit up, albeit shakily.


    She should still be in the alley. Alleys don¡¯t have beds. If she wasn¡¯t there, where the hell was she, and why did she feel so good?


    Around her was a sparse wooden room without any decorations. there was a small cabinet against the wall and a table in the corner.


    Right in front of her, Thomas continued to breathe quietly, his small frame only taking up a small amount of the rather generous bed.


    Alicia pushed herself to her feet, arms shaking and head fuzzy. Her stomach cried out in protest, and her gaze settled on the table, where someone had carefully arranged a cornucopia of fresh fruit and vegetables alongside a wooden bowl filled to the brim with a noxious looking green paste beside a plate of extremely thin looking¡­crackers? - that seemed to be sprinkled with salt.


    She stumbled forward on shaky legs and collapsed into the chair in front of the table. directly in front of her was the safehouse envelope, with a note scrawled on its back.


    -In case you get the munchies.


    -John Smith


    Alicia read and re-read the note, wondering where the hell this John fellow had gotten foods that were completely out of season.


    It was spring.


    Mystery for another time. Right now I need to eat and relocate before Marcus tells my family where I am.


    Alicia grabbed a fistful of broccoli and started eating. As she wolfed down the food, a waft of savory smell drifted over from the poisonous looking green goop.


    She leaned in close and smelled it. Yes, that was where it was coming from. Hesitantly, The noble heiress dipped the broccoli in the green paste and tried a bit.


    ¡°Oh, gods,¡± she moaned and started shoveling the stuff into her mouth.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Okay, so today we¡¯re going to take a field trip to the Bergstrom Estate.¡± Garth said, tapping his sheaf of incriminating evidence against the desk before packaging it securely.


    ¡°What¡¯s a field trip?¡± Cole, the big bruiser he was taking with him asked. Why did tough guys always shave their heads?


    ¡°You should be able to figure it out from the context, Cole.¡±


    ¡°Oh, okay¡­What¡¯s context?¡±


    Garth eyed the man towering over him then shook his head. ¡°You see Cole, this is why I need a sidekick from the twenty-first century to toss witty banter back and forth.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s only the ninth century, though?¡± Cole said. ¡°Eight forty-three, A.S.¡±


    ¡°Never change, Cole.¡± Garth said, heading for the door.


    The Bergstroms, from what Garth had been able to gather, controlled a large portion of all the land to the west, bridging the gap between outpost 3502 and L.A. They were nominally in control of the Green Hell and the adamantium mine to the northeast of it, however, they were unable to afford to hire adventurers powerful enough to delve beyond the first floor of the dungeon.


    No Adamantium income means no adamantium to spend on equipping adventurers with the tools they need to kill mutated monsters with extra-tough skin. It was a vicious cycle.


    The taxes they earned from the property barely covered its maintenance, and from what Garth had seen, The Dentons had been making the money that the Bergstroms should have been making.


    The Bergstroms were weak. Politically, financially, and successor..ily. The aged patriarch of the Bergstrom family had been kicked in the balls one too many times as an adult, and his last son had died last year in a bar fight defending his mother¡¯s honor¡­against a Denton.


    There was a river of bad blood there for Garth to swim in.


    Metaphorically.


    The two of them arrived at the front gate, where Garth was surprised to note that the family didn¡¯t even have the money to hire a guard. The latch on the heavy wrought iron gate was about as long as Garth¡¯s arm and in plain view.


    ¡°Guess it¡¯s self service.¡± Garth said. ¡°Cole, wait here and try not to look¡­threatening.¡±


    Cole nodded, then sat down and watched the birds in the trees with a slack jaw and glazed eyes. Maybe the guy was smarter than I gave him credit for. Or maybe he just likes birds.


    Garth lifted the latch and walked through the terrace, admiring the poorly kept garden as he approached the large double doors of the mansion.


    Garth strolled up the marble steps and tugged on the rope that rang an enormous silver bell placed above him.


    Garth stood there for a minute before a frantic scrabbling sounded from behind the door and it opened quickly, revealing a young girl of maybe fifteen.


    ¡°Franco, you can¡¯t be here right now, my Father is¡­¡± She frowned. ¡°Who are you?¡±


    ¡°My name is John smith, and I¡¯ve come to talk to your father about high-stakes blackmail, would you mind showing me to him?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s not here.¡± She said.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Garth said. ¡°Well, then my name¡¯s actually Franco and I¡¯m here to Marbles n¡¯ chill. Or whatever us medieval kids are calling it these days.¡±


    She frowned more, then glanced around behind him, spotting Cole leaning up against the wrought iron gate.


    ¡°You can talk to the First Chair.¡± She said, stepping away from the door and motioning him to come in.


    Garth considered for a moment. Whats a First Chair? Like, in music they¡¯re the bees knees, but in nobility¡­Never heard of em.


    Well, it sounded important. More important than a fifteen year old girl expecting some nookie on the side.


    ¡°Alright.¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m sure I can convince him.¡±


    The girl gave him an odd look and closed the door behind him before guiding him deeper into the mansion.


    The inside was dim, lit by candles and lamps. In the absence of magic or electricity, shadows pooled in the unused corners, and soot from the light sources pooled on the ceiling.


    Damn. Garth glanced around idly as he walked through the halls. At least everything looked like it was in better repair than the garden.


    They took some stairs up to the second floor and followed a long hall to the side of the mansion, where She opened a door to a little sitting room. She laboriously lit an oil lamp the old fashioned way and put it on the table. between the chairs.


    ¡°Sit here,¡± She said, pointing at the comfy upholstered chair facing the door, appeasing his gunslinger instincts. ¡°I¡¯ll bring the First Chair shortly.¡± Garth put the papers on the desk, unloaded his backpack on the floor, and sat down.


    Hmmm¡­. Garth tapped his toes as she waited, wondering about all the different ways this could turn out terribly. If they were trying to ambush him, Garth¡¯s preferred method would have been to pump carbon monoxide into a death room.


    Garth glanced around, then stood and checked the window. Not sealed shut, actually existed, probably not a gas chamber. Garth opened the window and kept waiting. Never know when he might have to jump out of it.


    His second choice was ninjas.


    Sitting there, Garth realized that the light from the lamp was obscuring his sight of the door, and shifted it to the side.


    He kept waiting.


    A few minutes later, the door opened, and an arm with a healthy tan came through the doorway, followed by shoulders that supported generous breasts, blonde hair done up in a ponytail.


    ¡°Sandi!?¡± Garth blurted.


    No, wait. A succubus. A big, maneating succubus just entered the room with me. Chances of this being a trap had ticked up.


    The Lure giggled. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, people often confuse me for someone else.¡± She sat down in front of Garth and held out her hand. ¡°I¡¯m the First Chair.¡±


    Ah, so they at least want her to hear what I have to say before I get killed and eaten. Cool. Maybe I can talk my way out of here.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure they do, miss¡­?


    ¡°Brenda Bergstrom, first chair of the Bergstrom family.¡±


    My ass, Garth thought as he leaned back in his chair with a shit-eating grin, trying to feel where in the room the Succubus was. Garth¡¯s senses weren¡¯t high enough to directly see a Succubi¡¯s active camo yet, but he could feel the air shift behind him and to the right.


    Garth motionlessly cast Barkskin. Might stop him from being split in half. Maybe.


    ¡°I¡¯m John Smith, Unemployed.¡±


    ¡°I believe you told Melinda that you came to blackmail us?¡± She said sweetly.


    ¡°No, no, she got the wrong impression,¡± Garth said, launching into his salesman spiel. Better practice on the Succubi who looked like his dead wife before he closed the deal with the actual Bergstroms.


    ¡°I¡¯m here about high stakes blackmail, specifically, of the Dentons,¡± Garth said, sliding the enormous stack of paper out of the leather binder and placing it in front of her.


    ¡°This details every criminal thing the Dentons have received payment for in the last twelve years.¡± Garth said. ¡°You should be totally qualified to read it, being the First Chair and all.¡±


    Her smile faltered.


    ¡°You came to us with blackmail¡­for the Dentons?¡±


    Garth sighed and scratched his head. Looking at Sandi was getting under his skin. ¡°Could I talk to an adult, someone who actually knows the score? This is demeaning.¡±


    A real noble would understand he was looking to trade.


    ¡°How dare you speak like that to-¡°


    ¡°Look, you¡¯re obviously a succubi, and I¡¯m sure you¡¯re a nice girl, but they would never make a succubi first chair of anything.¡±


    She frowned, and her mouth opened uncertainly before glancing at the door.


    A moment later, the door opened again, and a thin woman of maybe fifty years strolled into the room like she owned it.


    ¡°Brenda Bergstrom, I presume.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll speak when spoken to.¡± She snapped, taking the seat the succubus hastily vacated, barely ahead of the woman¡¯s brisk pace.


    Garth giggled.


    She gave him a glare, and Garth broke out into full blown laughter.


    ¡°You¡¯ll speak when spoken to? My god, I haven¡¯t heard than in¡­ever. Hah hahahaha¡­¡± He held his palm over his chest, stifling his laughter. ¡°No, I¡¯m sorry. Your house, your rules. Go ahead¡­I¡¯ll allow it.¡± Garth devolved into another gale of laughter.


    ¡°If you think I¡¯ll tolerate this!¡± Brenda said, standing, her face murderous.


    ¡°I think you will!¡± Garth shouted back, matching her expression. ¡°Your house is falling apart, You¡¯ve got no money, no successor, and you¡¯re this close to being kicked off the city council.¡± He held up his thumb and forefinger.


    ¡°The last thing you want to do is disrespect me.¡±


    Now to scare the shit out of her.


    Garth glanced down at himself. ¡°Ah, crap, I¡¯m not acting like a fifteen-year-old again.¡± He put his fist to his mouth and cleared his throat.


    ¡°Oh Ms. Bergstrom, I¡¯m so intimidated by your displeasure, I¡¯ll just shut up and sit here acting small while you take what you want.¡± Garth said in singsong. ¡°Better?¡±


    ¡°What is wrong with you?¡± She breathed.


    ¡°I just got a little emotional when I saw your pet.¡± Garth nodded at the imposter. ¡°Long story.¡±


    ¡°Aanyway,¡± Garth said, rubbing his hands together before putting his fingers on the stack of paper. ¡°I have here, the written accounts of every illegal activity the Dentons have been doing for twelve years.¡±


    He leaned to grab the heavy backpack and hauled it onto the table.


    Everyone in the room tensed, and Garth swore he could feel something sharp pressing against his back as he undid the drawstrings.


    ¡°I have here, five million credits minus a couple hundred thousand for personal needs.¡± Garth said, pulling the sides of the backpack down to reveal the gold.


    ¡°And here,¡± he pointed at himself. ¡°I have control of the Denton¡¯s former operation, looking to sell it to the highest bidder. It¡¯s quite profitable.¡±


    Brenda Bergstrom collapsed into her chair, and began silently reading through the papers, her hands shaking.


    The woman¡¯s face paled as she read.


    ¡°Those bastards!¡± She snarled, clutching one piece of paper tightly in her gnarled fist.


    ¡°Ooh, something strike a nerve?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Be silent!¡±


    ¡°Nnnoo.¡± Garth said before glancing around the room. ¡°Do you need some water or something?¡±


    Brenda Bergstrom sighed and put the paper down, fastidiously smoothing out the wrinkles before looking up at Garth.


    ¡°Who are you and what do you want? You¡¯re obviously not a commoner, and you¡¯re obviously not a noble. I don¡¯t know what you are.¡± She glanced at the pile of gold. ¡°And you obviously don¡¯t want money.¡±


    ¡°My name is John Smith, and all I¡¯ve ever wanted¡­is to have a dad.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°In exchange for everything you see here, as well as my services, I would like to be adopted as the sole heir of the Bergstrom family. You can say I was some undiscovered bastard child if it makes you feel better.¡±


    It was either this or marry the queen, Garth thought.


    It was Brenda¡¯s turn to laugh, with an aristocratic, studied sneer.


    ¡°Oh my, you think far too highly of yourself, bringing these things to us and demanding ownership of the family. You do not have a deal Mr. Smith. One flaw in your manic thinking is that we can simply take what you¡¯ve brought.¡±


    Her eyes flickered to the empty space over Garth¡¯s shoulder and she nodded.


    There was a slight disturbance of wind behind him and a pinch of pain glided across his throat from ear to ear as a razor sharp blade sank into it.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 111: Hardball

    Garth slapped a hand over his neck, stumbling backwards. Two of the many things about throat-cutting that Hollywod gets wrong is that it¡¯s not instant death, and the coughing.


    Garth violently coughed up a spoonful of blood that managed to seep through the nick in his windpipe before it sealed itself. Thankfully the Barkskin had mitigated some of the damage, so she hadn¡¯t gotten a good cut on his major veins. That and they were¡­a little tougher than human veins, care of Garth Remodeling # 18. Think Kevlar reinforcement.


    I know I said I should keep it to one a month, Garth thought as he stumbled dramatically toward the window. But self-modification is addicting.


    A sharp pain in his back sent a cramp all the way up his spine, before the knife twisted against his biothread reinforced heart and pulled out. All of Garth¡¯s vital organs had their own armor.


    There¡¯s the coup de grace, Garth thought, twisting and slumping backwards against the open window and healing the hole in his back. Now, to act like an idiot. A dead idiot.


    ¡°What, I¡­ Mom..¡± Garth stared straight forward and let his breath rattle out of his throat. Hopefully they wouldn¡¯t notice that he hadn¡¯t voided his bowels, because Garth wasn¡¯t that committed to this entire endeavor.


    Odd that a succubus is using a knife, though. Garth had expected to have to contend with giant scythlike claws tearing him to little pieces.


    ¡°Is he dead?¡± Brenda asked.


    ¡°Something felt strange, but yes, ma¡¯am, if his heart were still beating, we¡¯d see it oozing out of his neck.¡± The Lure said.


    ¡°What an unsightly fellow.¡± Brenda said, returning her attention to the documents in front of her. ¡°Get rid of that duplicate, it offends me.¡±


    A moment later The Sandi-lookalike disappeared and a purple woman stepped out of thin air, wearing tight black clothes. A Garthspawn that could use the racial abilities of the succubus!


    Nobody noticed Garth¡¯s eyes widen.


    Ninjas! His number two choice.


    Well, Kunoichi, but let¡¯s not split hairs.


    Now, let¡¯s see if the villains have a monologue over the fresh corpse, as is tradition, Garth thought, staring straight forward in his death-pose.


    ¡°Those bastards.¡± Brenda said, returning her attention to the particular piece of paper that had grabbed her attention moments before.


    ¡°They paid the innkeeper days before Jason died. We always knew it was a deliberate killing, but now we have proof of intent.¡±


    ¡°What shall I do with the body?¡± the Garthspawn said, glancing at him nervously.


    ¡°Nothing. Vera and the others will clean that pompous dipshit up. You get back to Edward. We can¡¯t leave him unguarded for a minute longer than necessary.¡±


    ¡°Do you think they know about him?¡± The Garthspawn asked.


    Ooooh, a secret person named Edward. The patriarch of the house is named Heath, therefore¡­secret heir mayhaps? Makes sense if everyone and their mother was trying to kill their last heir.


    ¡°They¡¯re gonna know about him now.¡± Garth said, climbing to his feet.


    The Garthspawn ninja girl turned invisible again.


    Damn.


    Garth felt a bit of air displaced in front of his face. he closed his eyes and jerked his head to the side. The woman¡¯s knife slid off Garth¡¯s ocular bone, missing his eye by less than an inch.


    Garth reached up and seized her arm in a crushing grip, forcing her to drop the knife and then pinned her to the floor, holding her arm hostage.


    ¡°Now look,¡± Garth said. ¡°You¡¯re not getting those papers without some kind of-¡°


    Garth was struck with a sudden wave of euphoria and contentment. Maybe he could take a nap. Garth relaxed and let out a yawn. It had been a long day already, and¡­wait, that¡¯s not natu- The Garthspawn twisted out of his grasp and backed away as he tried to reach for her, just a bit too slow.


    As Garth¡¯s attention was caught by her, the Garthspawn¡¯s lure instantly reappeared beside him and picked up the fallen dagger, plunging it toward Garth¡¯s skull, where it skittered off his carbon-fiber reinforced bone, giving him a wicked scalp wound.


    This girl was starting to get on his nerves. It would be very impressive if he weren¡¯t on the receiving end, after all, he should be dead three times already.


    Better not give her a fourth chance.


    ¡°All right, game¡¯s over.¡± Garth said, grabbing the dagger out of the surprised lure¡¯s hand while sending an invisible puff of sleep spores into the corner where the Garthspawn had gone invisible again.


    Reappearing, his granddaughter¡¯s eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed. Garth stepped forward and carefully caught her and laid her on the ground. A girl with that much talent at murdering is a keeper.


    Garth stood and cast a glance at Brenda, who was pressed against the wall, her face colorless.


    When she saw him looking at her, she made a dash for the door. With a burst of telekinesis, the door slammed shut in her face and locked itself. She pounded on the door with frightening strength as Garth picked up his toppled chair and sat down again, embedding the dagger deep in the wood of the table.


    ¡°Brenda. Brenda!¡± He shouted, grabbing her attention away from the door.


    ¡°Are we going to sit down and talk about this or are you going to continue acting like a frightened child?¡±


    She saw him sitting at the table, panting lightly. The stick thin older woman considered him a moment, her face pale, hands trembling.


    She took one mincing step forward at a time, as if afraid that making too much noise would upset him.


    ¡°Are you a Royal?¡±


    ¡°What makes you think that?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°You¡¯re¡­not human.¡± She glanced at the door. ¡°You can do magic.¡±


    Garth considered her question. Did that mean nobles couldn¡¯t do magic either? He¡¯d been careful about using magic for nothing? He¡¯d been afraid random noble A would stumble across one of his spells and raise the alarm, but apparently only a handful of people on the planet were allowed to use magic.


    Nobles got Heartstones, though, so surely some of them would achieve Mana Sight. After that it would only take some experimentation to¡­. Oh no. The nobility only got Physical Heartstones, didn¡¯t they?


    With physical heartstones reinforcing their bodies, they could bully the peasants all they wanted, and with the mental heartstones all to themselves, the royals could bully the Nobles all they wanted.


    A perfect stratified power scheme.


    Damn!


    That meant the mental attribute stones he was looking for were even harder to come by. He¡¯d have to make his own.


    Garth reconsidered eating wild heartstones.


    No, this time he was going to have a perfect record, maximum absorption and attributes high enough to make Cass shit his pants. Couldn¡¯t take any shortcuts if he wanted to eviscerate the guy who¡¯d vaporized him.


    That left him with finding pure mental stones to serve as bases. Three legendary creatures who exemplified the mental stats he was looking for.


    A quest.


    NNoooooooo, not another quest!


    That made Garth take pause. What if the only heartstones he ever absorbed were from legendary creatures? That seemed a bit untennable, there were only so many legendary creatures per world, and if he died, he¡¯d lose all of them, and it would be incredibly difficult to beat legendary creatures without using heartstones¡­Unless¡­


    Heartstones didn¡¯t follow from body to body, meaning the ill effects wouldn¡¯t either, soo¡­


    Pretty long game plan. Did you honestly expect to get badass enough to kill the guy in one lifetime?


    ¡°Sir¡­?¡± Brenda asked.


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked, returning his spaced-out gaze to her.


    ¡°Are you a Royal?¡±


    ¡°Who founded the Empire?¡± Garth demanded.


    ¡°Our Lord Jim Daniels, of course.¡± She said.


    ¡°Then obviously I am,¡± Garth said. Technically true. ¡°And I¡¯m afraid you¡¯ve soured the deal.¡± He said, placing a possessive, blood soaked hand on the mound of evidence, smudging it.


    ¡°Give me one good reason why I shouldn¡¯t walk out the door with the evidence, and the money, and tell the Dentons about this Edward person as a bit of vindictive revenge for the whole...¡± He motioned to his throat. ¡°Throat-cutting thing. I kinda took it personally. I think by now you¡¯ve realized that you can¡¯t stop me, so what are you going to do?¡±


    ¡°What do you want?¡± she asked, defeated.


    ¡°I already told you,¡± Garth said, leaning forward. ¡°But this time, let me be a little more specific.¡±


    ***Paul***


    ¡°What are we doing here again?¡± Carl asked, yawning. Paul¡¯s Lieutenant was a fat, lazy bastard, but he had naturally acute senses and got a strange kick out of tracking down people and objects. He would have made an excellent detective were it not for his distaste for work and complete rejection of paperwork.


    They were standing in the alley where he¡¯d found the rapier. The entire thing seemed a lot grimier under the light of the morning sun. he was hoping to find something to tell him a more complete story, but who knew what the street vermin had made away with under the cover of night?


    How had they vanished?


    ¡°A denton was involved. Do we need to know anything more?¡± Carl asked.


    ¡°We¡¯re seeing if there¡¯s anything I missed.¡± Paul said, glancing at the door he hadn¡¯t seen last night. It was inconspicuous, but he shouldn¡¯t have missed it. It was probably how they¡¯d gotten away.


    Am I just getting old? He thought, bending down to turn the dead man over and search his pockets.


    There was nothing there but lint and some sticky strands of hair, covered in some kind of syrup. There should have been at least a little spending money. A wallet or coinpurse hopefully.


    There was nothing to suggest that these men were professional enough to leave all their identifying marks at home.


    Paul turned the man¡¯s head over and saw where an earring had been roughly torn out of his ear.


    Shit. They¡¯d already been picked clean. He could have Carl search outside the alley for anything the scavengers hadn¡¯t wanted, once he took a look at the mysterious door.


    Paul stood up and headed for the door, carefully pulling it open. The door was seated a little off, but it gave after a light tug. He held his body out of the way as he opened it in case of some kind of trap.


    Carl stood behind him, unconcerned.


    The door opened without incident, and Paul cautiously made his way up to a short hall ending in a two-room office. The office was tossed. Shelves were lying on the floor, papers were strewn about everywhere, and half the skulls on the walls had been torn down and smashed against the floor.


    Paul bent down and checked the desk, to see if anything was glued to the underside, then glanced across the shattered skulls. Had something been hidden in one of the skulls?


    A quiet snoring caught Paul¡¯s attention, and he freed his short blade, standing up to investigate. Paul crept toward the back of the office and peered into the dark room.


    Inside, a man lay face-down in the sheets, only half of his face visible, snoring heavily.


    It probably wasn¡¯t a good idea to shake him awake with a shortsword in his hand, so paul decided to make noise from a safe distance.


    ¡°Hey. Wake up!¡±


    Paul repeated himself three times, raising his voice each time, and adding mention that he was with the police.


    The man in the bed didn¡¯t even stir. Didn¡¯t move at all. Matter of fact. His chest didn¡¯t look like he was breathing.


    Paul walked forward and violently flipped the man over with his boot, revealing the other half of the man¡¯s face, where a gaping hole was slowly dribbling blood and brain matter into the sheets.


    Paul cursed, backing away in surprise before taking a moment to get control over his stomach. He had questions that needed answering, and he¡¯d seen worse. What was making the snoring?


    Paul bent down and searched through the covers for the source of the noise.


    Beneath the man¡¯s chest was a tiny disk of milky white with a strange, etched pattern on its surface.


    The disc was making loud snores.


    What the hell? Paul thought, picking up the snoring disc. Was he looking at¡­magic?


    An instant later, the disc flashed white-hot, and Paul dropped it with a yelp. The disc hit the bedsheets and caught fire, burning unnaturally hot.


    ¡°No, NO!¡± Paul screamed, trying to put out the fire and retrieve the disk. The fire spread like a living thing, and Paul had no choice but to retreat from the heat of the blaze, missing a good deal of his eyebrows.


    Paul stumbled out of the building, coughing his lungs ragged.


    He had seen magic.


    And it had destroyed itself. Along with everything else in that building.


    Paul glanced back up at the building, where flames were starting to break out the windows. People were beginning to shout and scream with alarm.


    Damn. I got nothing. Nothing.


    Were the Royals playing their games in Paul¡¯s city? That¡¯s the only way he could imagine something like that being there. Or was it really just a rogue Phytomagus?


    Paul glanced over at Carl, who was turning over the last third of a cigar in his fingers pensively.


    ¡°Where were you?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°Long stairs.¡± Carl said. ¡°Narrow hall. Office couldn¡¯t have been that much bigger. Wasn¡¯t interested in having my crotch glued to your ass¡­sir.¡±


    ¡°At least it isn¡¯t a total waste.¡± Carl said, holding the cigar up to where flames were licking out of the window. ¡°Found a blunt with some juice left in it.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t smoke the evidence,¡± Paul said absentmindedly, staring at the office that could have told him¡­something, going up in flames.


    Cruel, murderous, calculating bastard. Someone who knew how to do things that had been lost to the sands of time, secrets guarded jealously by the Royal Family. That¡¯s what kind of magic user he knew had taken residence in the city, but Paul couldn¡¯t prove it.


    ¡°Wow, this is really¡­.good.¡± Carl said, attracting Paul¡¯s attention before he leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down and taking a nap, curled up on himself like a fat hedgehog.


    The cigar slowly burned between the man¡¯s fingers, sending a thin trail of smoke up into the air.


    Paul remembered the cigar that had been burning in the alley the night before, but he¡¯d glazed over it, focused on the obviously expensive sword instead. That had been a mistake. This Phytomagus obviously liked strong drugs.


    That established a connection between a Denton and the Phytomage last night, however small. One of them knew what he looked like.


    Looks like Carl found something useful again, Paul thought, winding back to slap Carl awake.

 Chapter 112: Disastrous Second Impression

    Alicia paced the room in the Inn while Thomas ate, making a mental list of the siblings she had to kill.


    Kyle, Brendon, Jordan, Johnathon, Elie, Michael, Benedette, Susie.


    It was a pretty long list, but once those eight were out of the way, There would be nobody remaining in the family to oppose her¡­


    Alicia put a hand on the empty dresser and sighed. With those eight people out of the way, there wouldn¡¯t be anyone left in the family with a spine either. That would lead to a gradual loss of power like the Bergstroms.


    She sighed and struck Benedette and Susie from the list, and resolved to push as many of her brothers out of the running as she could without killing them.


    Except for Kyle.


    The monster could kill his own family members without hesitation. There was no peaceful solution with him.


    That was a long-term goal, though. In the meantime, she needed to keep Thomas safe. Just because Kyle was following her father¡¯s wishes for now, didn¡¯t mean he wouldn¡¯t kill Thomas in a heartbeat if it was convenient.


    How do you keep an eight-year-old penned up in one room the entire day while you¡¯re off searching for your sibling¡¯s weaknesses?


    Short answer: you can¡¯t.


    ¡°Wait here a moment,¡± Alicia said to Thomas, who was gobbling up a stew. He nodded without stopping.


    She glided down the stairs and slipped into the stables, grabbing a bit of dirt on her fingers and heading back up, ignoring the lingering gaze on her hips from the men in the main room. She¡¯d been conscious of them ever since they filled out, but at least at her home, people hadn¡¯t stared at them.


    She blushed, recalling rolling her hips at the young man in the alley. Why had she done that?


    She had mustered all that courage to try her hand at being seductive, and he hadn¡¯t even tried to help her! Weren¡¯t men supposed to turn into slavering beasts willing to do whatever it took to earn her favor?


    See if she ever tried that again.


    No, you can¡¯t stop because of one bad experience. The stares directed at her hips meant that there was some kind of draw there.


    Alicia put a little roll in her step as she approached the stairs. Just before she took the first step, she glanced over her shoulder and nearly flinched at the hungry stares the men were giving her.


    ¡°I¡¯m heading out soon, I don¡¯t suppose one of you could show me where to buy a knife?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll show you to Heath¡¯s Knives, he¡¯s got the best blades in the city!¡± one man said, standing.


    ¡°Fuck that noise, I¡¯ll show you to my uncle¡¯s place, and get you a deal!¡± a young man from the corner shouted, standing as well.


    ¡°Hell, I¡¯ll buy you one myself, Lass.¡± An older fellow said from his seat.


    ¡°Just give me a minute,¡± Alicia said with a smile before turning and heading back up the stairs. At the top, she stopped, panting at the sheer intensity she¡¯d been receiving. In the noble quarter, the attention directed toward her was hidden behind a veneer of civility, rather than animalistic hyper-focus. Her heart was hammering in her ears as she tried to calm down.


    ¡°This thing is dangerous,¡± She murmured, glancing behind her and sliding a hand over her hip, ignoring the shaking of her fingers as she caught her breath. That was probably just the adrenaline getting the better of her.


    Looks like aunt Maggie was right. That boy not helping me in the alley was just a fluke. Probably a total coward.


    Alicia took a deep breath and put her head on straight, dismissing the strange feelings with a gust of wind from her diaphragm. She had things to do today.


    Alicia came back into the room, where Thomas was sliding off of his chair.


    She knelt down and began smudging his face and clothes with the dirt from the stables. It smelled faintly of manure, but that was good. Made people less likely to recognize him.


    ¡°Thomas, I have a job for you today. It¡¯s part of the game.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Make friends. I want you to go outside and make friends. Play with other kids your age. Wrestle. Get dirty. Learn to talk like they do. It¡¯ll come in handy at some point, being able to pretend that you¡¯re not a noble.¡±


    ¡°I can play!¡± he said, heading for the door.


    ¡°Ah, ah,¡± She said, grabbing him by the shirt and turning him around. ¡°Remember, your name is Thomas Black, like the color of our hair. If you need to remember your last name, remember it¡¯s the color of your hair. You are not a noble. You are the orphan brother of a young merchant girl named Brenna.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Thomas said, angling to play outside.


    ¡°Wait.¡± Alicia said, exasperated. ¡°Who are you?¡±


    ¡°Thomas Black, like my hair.¡±


    ¡°And who am I?¡±


    ¡°Brenna Black.¡±


    ¡°And what is your mission today?¡±


    ¡°Roughhouse and get into trouble.¡±


    ¡°Good enough.¡± Alicia said, kissing him on a non-smudged part of his forehead. ¡°Have fun, stay with the other kids, meet me at the Inn around nightfall. Don¡¯t let anyone separate you from the group. If they try, that means¡­¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re working for the other side.¡± Thomas said.


    ¡°Exactly. Good job.¡± She stood and gave him a push. ¡°Go have fun, and I expect you to be a complete ragamuffin when you get back to the Inn.¡±


    ¡°Yes sir.¡± Thomas said with a salute. ¡°Ma¡¯am.¡±


    Once Thomas was gone, she headed down herself, allowing the first man who stood, one Misha Edwards, to show her to Heath¡¯s Knives.


    She had her own money, and she didn¡¯t want the men with the hungry looks in their eyes to believe she owed them a great deal.


    Misha tried to talk her ear off, going on and on about his business in sheep-herding, how he turned out no less than three thousand wool shirts in the last year alone. He also unsubtley tried to pry into her affairs, asking where she was from, why he hadn¡¯t seen her around before, Etc, Etc.


    By the time they reached the shop, she had had enough of it.


    ¡°Thank you for the directions, Misha, I¡¯ll be able to handle it from here.¡±


    Alicia saw a complex pattern of emotions play across his face, primarily disappointment with a hint of anger, ending when he nodded, his face returning to studied neutrality.


    ¡°Well, alright, let me know if you need help finding anything again.¡± He said with a fake smile that prickled the hairs on the back of her neck. He waved and headed back to the Inn while she stepped inside the shop.


    The whole ordeal had been exciting, but also a bit unnerving.


    Now she turned to something she was more comfortable with: Buying a shiv to take to the academy in case she had to fight off an attacker.


    She was going to be late soon, so she flew past the hefty knives meant for a lifetime of hard work, and searched for a thin length of steel she could stab someone with one time.


    ¡°Looking for something specific, young lady?¡± The shopkeeper asked, watching her gaze scanning the knives over and over again.


    ¡°Yes, do you perhaps have something small with a stiletto blade a young woman could hide on her person to defend herself from attackers?¡±


    The shopkeeper¡¯s brown eyes widened, and he glanced around the room a moment, before walking up to the front and locking the door.


    She watched him, a bit apprehensive as he wordlessly went back to the counter and motioned for her to join him behind it.


    She walked around the counter and the shopkeeper bent down and opened a false panel in the lower rear of the wall, revealing a display of some dozen thin blades with narrow handles.


    ¡°Switchblades for personal defence, ma¡¯am. Every one of them¡¯s got an adamantium catching mechanism, so it¡¯ll never fail to engage or snap back into its handle when you hit a rib.¡± He pointed a rough finger at the ones on the left.


    ¡°Simple steel on the left here, Mithril for light and durable, good for concealment, and on the right, a tempered Arcanite blade, guaranteed to take the other guy out of the fight.¡±


    Beneath the blades were price tags, and Alicia was ashamed to admit she only had enough for the steel switchblade.


    ¡°The Arcanite blade is tempting,¡± She said, ¡°but perhaps overkill. The second steel one, with the black and silver handle, will do perfectly.¡±


    ¡°Glad you chose the steel.¡± The man said, retrieving the blade she¡¯d chosen. ¡°If you had enough to buy the Arcanite on you, I¡¯d have thought you were a plant.¡±


    ****


    Minutes later Alicia arrived at the Academy, a gleaming marble palace dedicated to instructing the sons and daughters of the one hundred and four noble houses of the city.


    She adjusted the blade bound to her left forearm and headed through the gates.


    She couldn¡¯t be seen as weak. Not showing up for school was a sign that they¡¯d put her on the back foot, and there was no way she¡¯d let that happen.


    Besides, where else was she going to find opportunities to sway her sisters to her side and possibly murder Kyle in the bathroom?


    Alicia put her head down and joined the stream of aristocratic students yawning as they filtered into the gigantic building.


    She caught Kyle leering at her from a side hall, and ignored him. We¡¯ll see who dies, bastard.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe you left the house in the middle of the night.¡± Her younger sister Mary said, swooping up beside her from behind, followed closely by her gaggle of fawning hens. ¡°It¡¯s like something out of a storybook. Albeit with less handsome young men.¡±


    ¡°I had Thomas with me,¡± Alicia said, trying to humor her vapid sister. ¡°Does he count?¡±


    Mary chortled, followed closely by her twittering idiots.


    ¡°Only in the strictest sense,¡± She said. ¡°You know, Father is livid.¡±


    ¡°I sensed as much when he instructed Kyle to kill me.¡±


    Mary stopped in her tracks, disrupting the flow of teen traffic through the halls.


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s true. I was outside the window when they blabbed about it.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s awful!¡± She squealed.


    ¡°It¡¯s terrible, and it¡¯s why you should support me rather than Kyle. He could kill any one of us and he wouldn¡¯t bat an eye.¡±


    ¡°Kind of a reason not to support you, don¡¯t you think?¡± Mary asked, struggling to catch up with Alicia¡¯s ground-eating pace.


    ¡°Sure, if you want to spend the next fifty years of your life living in fear.¡±


    ¡°Beats dying.¡±


    ¡°Look,¡± Alicia said, dialing down her request. ¡°Can I at least get your word that if you have the opportunity to sell me out, that you won¡¯t? Not until this whole thing shakes out.¡±


    Mary considered a moment, her bodice heaving as she gave a sigh. ¡°Alright, that I can do.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Mary.¡±


    The two of them went their separate ways, and Alicia settled in for the first class of the day, her mind awhirl with plans for how to isolate Kyle from his support. She didn¡¯t even notice the unfamiliar student standing at the front of the class until the instructor cleared her throat and caught Alicia¡¯s attention.


    ¡°We have here a new student.¡±


    No way¡­


    ¡°Introduce yourself,¡± she said to the low-browed, thin-faced, bulbous-nosed coward of a commoner.


    ¡°Hello fellow teenage children.¡± He said with a self-deprecating smile that was actually kind of charming, in an ugly-yet-confident way.


    ¡°My name is Edward Bergstrom. You can Call me Ed if you like. I like spending my parent¡¯s money, jockeying for social status among my peers, worrying about my body image, what I¡¯ll be when I grow up, and talking about girls. Just like all the rest of you¡­normal teenage people.¡±


    Alicia found herself smirking while the rest of the class looked on in shock as he made a mockery of the teenage condition.


    ¡°I am most certainly not an old soul in a child¡¯s body who may or may not have done terrible things in a previous life and definitely not secretly running a criminal empire in my spare time.¡±


    Ah, he¡¯s a delusional idiot with eighth grade syndrome, Alicia thought, the smile disappearing like smoke.


    ¡°That being said, does anyone wanna buy some contraband?¡± He said, pulling a little box out of his pocket and almost opening it before the teacher swatted him on the back of the head. ¡°Ow.¡±


    ¡°Go sit over there, Mr. Bergstrom.¡± Their instructor said, pointing at the empty seat beside Alicia as the entire class laughed at the young man¡¯s antics.


    No..no.nonononNO! Alicia screamed internally as the boy ambled over to sit beside her before blowing the teacher a kiss.


    ¡°Have we met?¡± he asked, glancing over at her.


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°Pretty sure I¡¯d recognize that ass anywh-¡°


    Alicia¡¯s fist sent Edward tumbling out of his chair, his skull impacting against the stone wall some five feet distant.


    The silence in the classroom was complete.


    Macronomicon


    There ye go.


    Summer is getting pretty close up here in Alaska. I can tell because don''t have to wear socks while I write and small animals have to lay low for fear of hummingbird sized mosquitos. The green foliage and almost warm temperatures make me antsy, almost dragging me out of my rocking chair. Almost.


    Slowly recovering after that dump of chapters last week. Patreon is 43 chapters ahead as I write this.


    Still working on the professional cover. Making strides.

 Chapter 113: Playing with the Rules

    Macronomicon


    Garth couldn¡¯t help giggling as he climbed to his feet. Luckily his skull hadn¡¯t put a dent in the wall, so nobody would think he hit it hard enough to kill somebody.


    ¡°Ms. Denton!¡± The teacher shouted from the front, breaking the silence. ¡°This is-¡°


    ¡°No, No, it¡¯s okay!¡± Garth said, levering himself up off the wall. ¡°It was my fault. I was way out of line.¡± Which was true. Maybe the spirit of being a cavalier devil-may-care teenager had gotten the better of him.


    Deep in his heart of hearts, he knew it was because she had a really nice butt.


    Anyway, getting knocked around had given him an opportunity to get some stuff done other than sit in a chair and learn shit he already knew.


    Garth took a step toward his chair and folded his leg out from under him, falling forward and catching himself on his desk.


    ¡°Why is the room so spinny?¡± he asked, using an illusion to fake a vigorous nosebleed.


    ¡°Hah, looks like the old soul can¡¯t take a punch.¡± A boy catcalled in a cruel voice. Garth took note, then dismissed it as the class began to laugh at him. Must. Not. Hurt. Children.


    ¡°Ms. Denton, take Edward to the infirmary.¡± The teacher said with an irritated tone.


    ¡°Why me?¡±


    ¡°Because you did it. Is that not obvious?¡±


    Garth suppressed a chuckle and focused on looking concussed.


    ¡°Fine.¡± Brenna said, roughly grabbing his arm and hauling him to his feet.


    She smelled nice.


    The girl didn¡¯t show any sign of struggle as she walked him to the front door, taking him outside the classroom and turning left.


    Garth marveled at the large marble halls draped with tapestries that showed scenes that covered every major event of the entire history of the Mississippi Empire. It had started in Mississipi, of course, based on using the river for agriculture and transportation, then spread it¡¯s influence west. They were way out in the sticks apparently, being damn close to California was practically on the other side of the world.


    The law got more draconian the further East you went.


    ¡°Ahh, thanks,¡± Garth said, standing up straight and stretching. ¡°Don¡¯t know if I could have gotten through an entire lesson without exploding something with my mind to ease the boredom.¡±


    ¡°The class didn¡¯t even start.¡± She said, brows furrowed, staring at him like something squirming on a dinner plate.


    ¡°Right, well, thanks for the out. Which way is the principal¡¯s office?¡±


    ¡°The what?¡±


    ¡°Principal, the guy in charge of the school?¡±


    ¡°The headmaster?¡±


    ¡°What, did we get all British while I was gone?¡±


    ¡°Wha-¡°


    ¡°Don¡¯t answer that. Probably a nobility thing. Which way is the Headmaster?¡±


    ¡°first right, then third on the left.¡± She said, pointing down the hall.


    ¡°¡¯Kay, thanks,¡± Garth said, studying the tapestries. This one showed Jim heroically leading an epic battle against a coalition of slavering nonhumans.


    Pretty sure that¡¯s not how that went down. Garth had been wondering why he hadn¡¯t seen much in the way of non-humans.


    Ethnic cleansing, anyone?


    Garth was suddenly curious about his tapestry, if he had one. They seemed to be organized by date soo¡­


    Garth started following the tapestries back to their source, following them further and further as they detailed one horrific act after another.


    The arrival of the dragons. The Dan Ui clan conquering earth. Garth saw the guy who murdered him, floating above a mass of groveling subjects, a halo of gold around his head, like a goddamn saint.


    Garth walked further, his neck craning upward as he viewed snippets of history in reverse, written by the victors. If he wanted to write his own history, he¡¯d have to wipe out everything they¡¯d built from the wreckage. An atrocity to right another atrocity.


    Damnit.


    The more he looked at the angrier he got.


    ¡°Edward?¡± Brenna called after him.


    ¡°Hmm?¡±


    ¡°Are you not going to the infirmary? Or the Headmasters?¡±


    ¡°Just a sec.¡± Garth said as he stopped in front of the second tapestry, by date.


    It was a picture of him, kneeling at sword point in front of his brother, about to be executed in front of a crowd of ridiculously happy onlookers.


    The Betrayer Answers for his Crimes. ¨C year 2 A.S.


    ¡°Bullshit!¡± Garth shouted. ¡°I was vaporized by a Kamehameha, not¡­¡± Garth gritted his teeth.


    ¡°Can you believe this shit?¡± Garth asked, glancing over at Brenna, who watched him with apathy.


    ¡°What about it?¡± she asked.


    Oh crap¡­


    ¡°Umm¡­ their clothes. All the people in this tapestry are wearing homespun peasant garb, but in the first two years after the kipling came, there was still a bunch of clothes left over from the world before. People hadn¡¯t really started going native yet, seeing as how there were like, a hundred silk shirts per person, since the majority of mankind was extinct.¡±


    ¡°Such an admirable scholar of history,¡± she said, crossing her arms.


    ¡°One specific part of it.¡± Garth said. ¡°You could say I¡¯m an expert on the Fall of Man, and everything else is a great big blank.¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re fine then?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yep, You¡¯re free to go, Brenna.¡± Garth said, glancing back at the tapestry and stewing. He just needed a grease pen and he¡¯d be able to draw a stupid villain mustache on Jim¡¯s stupid face. They had Garth¡¯s face all wrong too, made him chiseled and muscular rather than thin, intelligent, and average. The only reason he knew it was him was because the man was purple.


    Garth shook his head. Fucking Jim. How much do you have to shit all over me until you¡¯re satisfied?


    Garth glanced over and saw Brenna staring at him.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not my name.¡± she said.


    ¡°It¡¯s not?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Huh.¡±


    ¡°Where did you hear that name?¡± she demanded, stepping closer until they were practically nose to nose.


    Still smelled nice.


    ¡°I dunno, you looked like a Brenna to me?¡± Garth said. ¡°What is your name, anyway?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Alicia. Where did you hear that name?¡±


    ¡°Well, Alicia, I¡¯m Edward Bergstrom, nice to meet you.¡± Garth held out a hand.


    She seized it and pulled him close, squeezing his hand with inhuman strength.


    ¡°You sure it¡¯s not John Smith?¡±


    Garth gave her an extra-wide smile.


    She gave a frustrated grunt and turned away.


    ¡°You sure you wanna leave?¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± She asked over her shoulder.


    Garth put a hand over his heart. ¡°I swear on my true name that hanging out with me will be way more fun, informative, opportunity creating, and probably dangerous, than sitting in a classroom and zoning out.¡±


    ¡°Last time I saw you, you were cowering in an alley while I was being attacked.¡±


    ¡°Cowering, what cowering? I was high as balls. Speaking of.¡± Garth manifested a cigar in his pocket and pulled it out, retrieving an expensive lighter he¡¯d stolen from her dead uncle, and starting it up. It¡¯s five o¡¯clock somewhere.


    ¡°That¡¯s my uncle¡¯s.¡± She said.


    ¡°I¡¯m borrowing it.¡± Garth replied, starting toward the principal¡¯s office.


    ¡°He got it from my grandfather. He¡¯d never lend it.¡±


    ¡°Borrowing without permission,¡± Garth clarified as Alicia trotted to catch up with him. ¡°And try not to breathe the smoke if you wanna keep all your motor functions intact.¡± Garth breathed out to the opposite side, trying to avoid her with the knockout smoke.


    Garth was partway down the hall when Alicia tackled him to the floor, trying to grab the lighter out of his pocket.


    Garth carefully kept the smoking end of the cigar away from her face as she wrestled with him.


    ¡°Now, this isn¡¯t¡­very¡­ladylike.¡± Garth said, trying to ward off her hands with his one free hand, and not doing a very good job.


    After a minute of fierce struggle, she got him in a reverse mount, pinned his free arm under her knee and was able to search though his pockets unhindered.


    Garth didn¡¯t mind, taking another hit and moving the lighter around telekinetically, busting through the seams of his pocket as he enjoyed the view of her working for it.


    ¡°Almost got it. Nope, not quite. Slippery thing.¡± Garth said as her hand groped around in his pockets. Having a pretty girl grinding on top of him was quite the stimulus, and there weren¡¯t enough dead puppies in the world.


    ¡°That¡¯s me.¡± Garth said as she fumbled through his pockets. ¡°Still me.¡±


    It¡¯s times like this, Garth thought as she recoiled away from him, her neck turning crimson, That I think maybe I¡¯m a bad person.


    ¡°Find what you were looking for?¡± Garth asked.


    She spun around on top of him, producing a switchblade from nowhere and holding it to his neck.


    ¡°Give me. The lighter.¡± She said, her face red with anger and embarrassment.


    ¡°Could¡¯a just asked,¡± Garth said, tucking the cigar in his mouth and digging the lighter out of his pocket.


    ¡°How?¡± She demanded, looking at the lighter in his hand. ¡°It wasn¡¯t¡­Gah!¡±


    She snatched it out of his hand and stood up, panting.


    ¡°That was fun,¡± Garth said, dusting himself off. ¡°Remind me to borrow more stuff from your uncle.


    ¡°How did you even¡­you¡¯re a Bergstrom! He would be just as likely to kill you as talk to you!¡±


    ¡°If you really wanna know, follow me.¡± Garth said, turning back toward the headmaster¡¯s office. Sounds like the guy¡¯s the master of giving head.


    ¡°You coming?¡± Garth asked over his shoulder.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ve had enough of you for one day.¡± Alicia said, turning her back on him and starting off in the other direction.


    Garth¡¯s gaze slid down her slim waist to the juicy buns wobbling beneath, and he heaved a sigh. No more fun for today. Well, it was probably better that she wasn¡¯t present for what he was about to do anyway.


    Garth straightened his clothes and headed to the office, where he came across a large oak door. He knocked politely.


    ¡°Come in,¡± came a woman¡¯s voice.


    Garth opened the door and strutted in, weaving mana as he went.


    ¡°What-¡°


    Charm Person


    The headmaster ¨C mistress? ¨C took the full force of the spell to the face, point blank. Her face went from annoyed and irritated, to delight to see him, a welcome reprieve from paperwork.


    ¡°Hello,¡± She said, beaming. ¡°I don¡¯t think we¡¯ve met in person. I¡¯m Gloria Pendleton, you must be Edward Bergstrom.¡± She held out a hand.


    She was¡­ in her early forties maybe, and a diet of physical Heartstones had kept her looking good. An athletic, short woman with dirty blonde hair.


    Garth wasn¡¯t sure exactly where he drew the line on who was okay to use mind magic and drugs on, but he knew this woman was in the ¡®fend for herself¡¯ category, while young girls like Alicia were not to be tampered with.


    Maybe a sliding scale starting at the age of twenty-five and adjusted based on the person¡¯s good/evil ratio, as well as other mitigating factors.


    Totally evil twenty year old, fair game. Totally good thirty year old¡­not quite yet.


    Totally evil ten year old, give them some time.


    Might work.


    Garth switched the cigar to his left hand and shook hers.


    ¡°Wonderful to meet you in person.¡± Garth said, noticing her eyes on his cigar. She looked at war with herself, since her duty was to punish him, but everything about him was registering as a good thing right now.


    ¡°Would you like one?¡± Garth asked, taking a seat and pointing at his cigar.


    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t. I¡¯ve got a job to do.¡± She said, glancing at it longingly. ¡°And you shouldn¡¯t either.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m on a mission to get to know every member of the faculty,¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m sure you can take five minutes to talk.¡±


    ¡°What do you say¡­¡± Garth pulled another cigar out of his pocket. ¡°Until this runs out?¡±


    The headmistress squirmed in her seat for a moment, before coming to a decision. ¡°Shut the door.¡±


    Garth handed her the cigar and she lit it while he closed the door to her office.


    She took a deep breath, lighting the cigar with a lighter from her desk.


    ¡°Smooth isn¡¯t it?¡± Garth asked, coming back to his seat.


    ¡°Mmmn.¡± She said, her eyelids fluttering as the drugs overloaded her with oxytocin and a dozen other drugs designed to raise her suggestability.


    They chatted aimlessly for a couple minutes, until Garth saw that her eyes were black, and she was rocking in her seat, unable to respond to him with little more than a grunt of affirmation.


    Garth wove his precanned Operant Conditioning spell on her, with a few tweaks.


    ¡°You like agreeing with me.¡± Garth said, leaning back in his chair.


    ¡°I do?¡± she whispered.


    ¡°Try it.¡±


    ¡°I do.¡± She said, then shuddered as a wave of pleasure ran through her.


    ¡°I¡¯m the best student in the school, You¡¯re awed and amazed by me, and you take my suggestions seriously. Agree with me.¡±


    ¡°Yess.¡± She whispered, shaking in her seat.


    ¡°Anything I say, you thought of yourself.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°You care about and work towards my best interests.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°You defer to my judgement.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°You validate your existence with my approval.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re secretly in love with me, and desperately want to earn my favor.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Alright, most important one. You don¡¯t care who I am. No matter who you discover me to be, how you feel is more important.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Alright, from the top. Now you repeat after me. You feel good when you agree with me¡­¡±


    Can¡¯t brainwash someone with just one repetition, Garth thought, taking a puff of his cigar and settling in for the long haul as the headmistress humped the chair in front of him.


    The best thing about brainwashing with drugs is that it doesn¡¯t leave magical evidence.


    Open the door with Charm person, then switch to old-school methods reinforced by Operant Conditioning, then once the new behavior is set, dismiss all the magic, leaving only the changed person, and no evidence of foul play.


    Other than a vastly altered set of behaviors.


    An hour later, she began to sober up, and Garth gave her the antidote on a breeze to speed the transition without telltale grogginess.


    ¡°Oh, what were we talking about?¡± Gloria asked, looking a bit confused as she came to.


    ¡°We were talking about a field trip to the forest.¡±


    ¡°We were?¡±


    ¡°Yes. You remember the recent incident with the Yenner?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± She said, her hips subconsciously grinding against the chair as she agreed with him.


    ¡°I was telling you how it would be a good idea to send the upperclassmen out to exterminate the Yenner and harvest their heartstones. It¡¯ll be a good lesson in land management and show them what harvesting Heartstones was like in the beginning.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I was just thinking that.¡± She said, then frowned. ¡°What if someone gets hurt?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re tougher than regular people. All your students are nobles with superhuman abilities, not like some hundred soldiers. It¡¯ll be a breeze. And if someone does get hurt, hey, that¡¯s why the nobles have so many children by systematically raping my granddaughters, right?¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± She agreed with him reflexively, then paused to think about what he¡¯d said. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m saying it¡¯ll be fine, and no one¡¯s going to begrudge you filtering out some of the weakest links.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, gaining confidence. ¡°Alright. I can have the city council and the Bergstroms specifically owe me a favor in one fell swoop. And it would be educational.¡±


    ¡°Wouldn¡¯t it just?¡± Garth asked sweetly.


    ¡°Don¡¯t forget to collect all the heartstones the students gather and store them somewhere safe. It wouldn¡¯t do for a student to poison themselves with them.¡±


    ¡°Yes, excellent idea.¡± She said, unconsciously humping the chair.


    I love my job. Garth thought, smiling.


    Gloria noticed his smile and gave him a shy one of her own.


    ¡°Well, Gloria, it was nice to meet you,¡± Garth said, standing in front of her and extending a hand. She took it and held his hand for a moment longer than was absolutely necessary, looking him up and down.


    ¡°You too, Mr. Bergstrom. Feel free to stop by any time.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I will, but first I¡¯ve got to ¡®meet¡¯ the rest of the faculty. Can you tell me who¡¯s on break right now? it¡¯s¡­¡± Garth consulted his inner clock. ¡°About noon thirty.¡±


    ¡°Jennifer Kinsley should be on break right now, would you like me to show you?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± Garth said, heading for the door, before pausing. He¡¯d only seen women in the Academy so far. It couldn¡¯t be¡­


    ¡°Are there only women in the faculty?¡±


    ¡°Yes, given that male heirs are sparse in adulthood, most of the academy has always been run by third or fourth chairs of various families. That and the last male Headmaster some hundred years ago abused his position, and there were various incidents arising from male teachers. It¡¯s been tradition for several generations now to strictly have a female faculty.


    ¡°Huh.¡± Gimmicky, but I can work with this.


    ¡°You sure you can find your way?¡± she pleaded.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, Gloria, you should focus on your work.¡± And finding a change of undies.


    It was a messy kind of brainwashing.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, sitting down. ¡°Visit me again sometime,¡± She said, the words seemingly erupting unbidden from her mouth.


    ¡°I will,¡± to reinforce your training, ¡°see you later.¡±


    ¡°Oh, by the way.¡± Garth stopped at the door. ¡°Do you have a grease pencil?¡±


    ****Alicia***


    Alicia ducked into an empty office as she heard Edward heading for the door.


    Edward strolled past her, humming to himself as he headed for the Main Hall, twirling a grease pencil in his fingers.


    What the hell did I just witness? She thought, a cold sweat forming on her forehead. She had felt guilty about abandoning the hopeless, delusional idiot, and had gone back to the principles office, where he would surely be being eaten alive by Gloria Pendleton, but she had instead been chanting¡­something. It had been difficult to make out through the door. A few minutes later, they had a short conversation, and he¡¯d left, none the worse for wear, with Gloria calling after him like a lovetorn woman.


    Alicia waited for him to turn the corner, then gave it a few heartbeats before following him down the hall, peering around the corner.


    Edward stood at the far end of the main hall, chuckling to himself as he doodled on Jim Daniel¡¯s face with the thick black pigment, drawing a twirling mustache and a pair of horns on the Saviour of Humanity.

 Chapter 114: Stepping on Landmines

    Macronomicon


    Paul sat at dinner across from Maggie Denton, whose deep cut top offered a tantalizing view, with her generous breasts resting on the table. How she kept them clean while eating was beyond him, but he appreciated the effort.


    All her nieces and nephews were in attendance around the massive dining table, save one empty chair, third from her left.


    ¡°I apologize that my brother couldn¡¯t make it,¡± she said, nodding at the magnificent wooden chair carved from a single piece of ironwood at the head of the table.


    ¡°No problem at all, I just had some easy questions,¡± Paul said.


    ¡°Oh,¡± She said, doing a seated hop that made her whole body jiggle distractingly. ¡°Questions, I love questions.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Carl asked, his brows furrowed, a piece of meat halfway to his mouth.


    ¡°It means a man is showing an interest in me.¡± she raised a grape to her mouth and used her lips a bit more than necessary to eat it.


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for a Denton that uses an Adamantium rapier,¡± Paul said, watching the eyes of the younger Dentons.


    Sure enough, some of the children in their tens glanced at the empty chair Paul consulted his studied knowledge of the Denton family, putting names to faces and eliminating them one by one.


    So, the missing Alicia was the rapier-wielder. That made sense.


    ¡°Whatever for?¡± Maggie said with a gentle smile, her shoulders relaxed, gaze fixed on Paul. The woman had done this song and dance before.


    ¡°They may be in contact with someone else I¡¯m looking for, actually,¡± Paul said. ¡°No other reason than that.¡±


    ¡°Really? How did you come to be aware of a Denton with an adamantium rapier?¡±


    ¡°Carl.¡±


    Carl sighed and set down his fork, trudging to the entrance of the dining hall and retrieving the cloth-wrapped rapier.


    ¡°We found this at the scene of a double homicide. I would very much like to know who was involved, beyond Alicia.¡±


    Her eyebrow twitched.


    Paul nodded at Carl, who regretfully handed the sword to one of the Denton children. It was enough for both of them to retire to a life of ease, if they could find a place to sell it without being killed.


    ¡°Oh, and will there be any backlash from this double homicide that involved a Denton?¡± Maggie asked, her eyes narrowing the tiniest bit, calculating profit and loss.


    ¡°No. I¡¯ve already taken the liberty of registering it as self-defence and fabricating testimonials. You¡¯ll not even hear of it.¡± Paul said.


    ¡°Oh my, what a fast worker. I should think such direct action should be rewarded.¡± She said, watching him with a sharp gaze


    Paul leaned forward and laced his fingers together. ¡°Pay me if you want to reward me, but let me be blunt. I think I¡¯m chasing someone more important, and certainly more dangerous, than your niece, and she¡¯s seen their face. I would very much like to speak with her.¡±


    ¡°So this truly isn¡¯t about us?¡± Maggie asked with muted surprise.


    ¡°My apologies.¡± Paul said, not sorry at all to divorce himself from any involvement with the Dentons.


    She gave him a calculating look.


    ¡°So, what kind of person is more valuable to you than my niece? A direct heir whose parent were killed by cutpurses moonlighting as a crime fighter, perhaps? Is one of the Patriarchs a serial killer?¡± she asked with a breathy gasp. ¡°I knew it! Old Gunnerson always gave me the creeps.¡±


    Paul watched her silently, his hands clasped together, unwilling to correct her.


    ¡°He thinks he¡¯s chasing a Phytomagus.¡± Carl said derisively, then paled as Paul gave him a stare powerful enough to light shit on fire. Why was Carl frighteningly perceptive at some times and completely stupid at others?


    ¡°Children, dinner is over.¡± Maggie said. As one, the children obediently rose from their seats and filed out of the room.


    ¡°Carl, go wait outside and think about what you¡¯ve done.¡± Paul said, sliding the fat lieutenant¡¯s cup of wine away from him.


    ¡°Damn.¡± Carl stood and trompted outside, leaving the two of them alone. Carl gave a last glance at Maggie¡¯s breasts before heading for the front door.


    Ah, boobs and alcohol, the two most powerful I.Q. lowering force in the known universe.


    Damnit.


    ¡°I¡¯m not familiar with what a Phytomagus is, but it sounds¡­magical in nature.¡± Maggie said, leaning forward. ¡°The Dentons would be happy to provide you with whatever assistance you might need to apprehend such a person.¡±


    ¡°Not report them to the empire?¡± Paul asked, raising a brow.


    ¡°There¡¯s no need for an Inquisition to come all the way out here to the outskirts of the empire. The Dentons would be happy to exorcise this particular evil from the face of the Earth on the Emperor¡¯s behalf.¡±


    ¡°Not lock him up and torture the secret of magic out of him?¡± Paul asked.


    Maggie¡¯s smile never slipped.


    ¡°We¡¯d be happy to share the bounty, detective Tucker. Your small family could benefit greatly from an alliance by marriage. Maybe we could even find a way for you to keep your garthspawn daughters, were you to have any.¡±


    Her words twisted in his gut like a knife, but he ignored it.


    ¡°If even half the things I¡¯ve read are true, you cannot lock this person up against their will.¡±


    ¡°Men design for themselves far more powerful cages than iron and steel within the confines of their own mind.¡± She said sweetly.


    Fucking Carl.


    Now he had two choices. Work with the Dentons and get money and power, or refuse to work with them, and possibly wind up a corpse in an alley while Maggie Denton moved heaven and earth to acquire her very own spellcaster in the hopes of elevating her family to the status of royalty.


    And he still hadn¡¯t resolved the issue of what to do with the phytomagus when he found him. Beg and plead? Cut off his head without warning? He might save a lot of innocent people from the unfettered slaughter of an Inquisition, but he¡¯d damn himself. What a shitty situation.


    ¡°I have a condition.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± she asked, popping a grape into her mouth.


    ¡°Please do not search for this man behind my back. People have loose lips and any person you task with this is one more information leak.¡±


    ¡°So I saw.¡± She said, glancing toward the direction Carl had left. ¡°Is he going to be a problem?¡± her voice was icy.


    ¡°I would prefer him alive. He¡¯s got a better pair of eyes than mine, and can be like a bloodhound when used properly.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Maggie said, leaning back in her chair, twirling a fork in her hand as she considered.


    She stabbed the fork deep into the hardwood table.


    ¡°Alright then. Let¡¯s talk specifics.¡±


    ***Garth***


    Garth decided to head back to the class for the last two hours of the day, just in time to catch P.E., or as they called it, Martial training.


    The open air courtyard was filled with soft sand, perfect for taking a dive into. A heavily muscled woman watched stonefaced while teenage boys tried to beat the shit out of each other with practice sticks.


    Over in the corner a practice match developed into a scuffle as one nobleson threw his sword at the other and tackled him to the ground, piling in blow after blow to the kid¡¯s face.


    Garth glanced over at she-hulk to see if the woman was watching. She was, but what came next gave Garth the chills.


    ¡°Nice groundwork, Kyle.¡±


    Well okay then, full contact it is. Hitting people with sharp lengths of wood wasn¡¯t anywhere on Garth¡¯s list of things to strive towards¡­with the possible exception of playful smacks to bare bottoms, but that was an entirely different wheelhouse.


    He would much rather blow things up with his mind and alter the very fabric of reality. Beating people with sticks was boring. Anyone can do that. Gotta find a way to cruise through this without having to punch somebody.


    Garth glanced around and spotted a shy girl standing in the corner trying to look inconspicuous.


    There we go.


    Garth ambled up to her.


    ¡°I¡¯m new here, could you show me the forms?¡± Garth said, intending to spend the rest of the class making ultra-slow practice swings with a timid girl.


    She opened her mouth to respond, and her eyes widened, looking behind him a fraction of a second before an iron grip clamped down on his shoulder.


    ¡°I¡¯ll teach you,¡± Kyle said, wiping sweat from his brow with bruised knuckles and a charming grin. He almost didn¡¯t look like he was going to haze the shit out of Garth.


    Hmm¡­.what a shitty situation. Garth didn¡¯t want to sandbag it, nor could he afford to humiliate the kid.


    The best option was to accept, pretend to lose his patience as Kyle fought circles around him, attack in fake anger, and get the shit beat out of him. Everyone would be totally sure he was a normal teen at that point.


    Second best option was to avoid it entirely.


    ¡°My apologies, but I think you¡¯re so much better than me that I wouldn¡¯t learn a single thing and that I¡¯d wind up with another concussion.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I heard about that.¡± He said with a grin. ¡°Come on, I¡¯ll take it easy on ya.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, old soul, show him the fighting style you learned from a bygone era!¡± one boy catcalled, making swooshing sounds while doing karate chops.


    ¡°Let your past life as a dashing swordsman rise to the surface!¡±


    Garth realized he had no choice as the rest of the class joined in at mocking him.


    Well, guess I better get this over with.


    At least his plan for having them not take him seriously was working.


    Kyle walked him out to a corner of the practice yard.


    ¡°So I assume you¡¯ve never wielded a sword before, seeing as you though you were just another commoner until recently.¡± Kyle said.


    ¡°That about sums it up.¡±


    ¡°This is the pommel, holds the hilt on with a screw in non-wooden swords. Some people forget to pay attention to the stuf holding their sword together and die when the handle slips off because of metal fatigue.¡±


    Holy crap, is this an actual lesson? Garth thought, ratcheting up his opinion of Kyle by a few notches.


    ¡°This is the hilt. Try not to hold the sword too tight, or it¡¯ll cramp your hand and make your grip brittle.¡±


    ¡°The guard, so you don¡¯t lose your fingers.¡± He glanced up at Garth ¡°You¡¯d be surprised how often that happens even with the guard.¡±


    Another reason to hate swordfighting.


    ¡°The fuller, to reduce weight, the edge, and the point. I¡¯m fairly sure you can figure out what those are for.¡±


    He straightened and adopted a stance. ¡°There are a few basic things that make an excellent swordsman. A quick wit, a strong body, lots of practice, and a complete lack of compassion for your fellow man.¡±


    ¡°I get that. Hard to murder people creatively if you care about hurting them.¡± Garth said nodding.


    Kyle grinned. ¡°Exactly. Now I¡¯ll show you the difference parrying left and right, blocking and what to do after. Now stab at me, very slowly.


    Garth shrugged, picked up the sword and slowly extended it toward Kyle¡¯s stomach.


    Kyle, in the meantime, moved like molasses as he slowly stepped forward, using his left hand on the side of the blade for extra stability as he brushed Garth¡¯s aside. Garth watched as Kyle¡¯s elbow sailed slowly into his face, all part of the same movement.


    Garth obligingly toppled backward into the sand. Another thing I hate about swordmanship, is how much regular tackling and punching is involved.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t need to go that far,¡± Kyle said, chuckling as he pulled Garth to his feet. ¡°And if the enemy has a helmet on or a wicked bite, it might be a better idea to turn it into a shoulder check. Anything you can do to put them on their back gives you a huge advantage.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Garth said, nodding.


    ¡°Now you do what I just did.¡±


    They spent a few minutes slowly working through the basics. Garth knew they had names, but he organized them under cheap moves, dirty tricks, nut shots, and strikes banned by the MMA.


    Which made him eager to never fight a guy with a sword who knew what he was doing.


    ¡°So you¡¯re a Bergstrom, huh?¡± Kyle said as they slowly struck at each other.


    Here it comes.


    ¡°I guess I am.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°You¡¯re in an interesting position, being the sole successor to the family. My family, well, it¡¯s a madhouse right now. You still have to worry about people killing you, just not your own brothers and sisters.¡±


    ¡°There is that.¡± Garth said sarcastically.


    Kyle smirked. ¡°There¡¯s one thing you might be overlooking. Since you¡¯re the only heir, you don¡¯t have to worry about how to get the patriarchy, that part¡¯s already taken care of. Since you¡¯re a shoe-in, you can start thinking about what you¡¯re going to do with it. Since people know you¡¯ll be the next Patriarch of the Bergstrom family, you can make alliances that will blossom as you ascend the throne.¡±


    ¡°Ah, and this is where you offer one of these alliances.¡± Garth said, slowly shoulder checking Kyle.


    ¡°Well, yeah.¡¯ Kyle said with a shy grin. ¡°You must not be aware, but most of your successors were killed by my family. I got your big brother Juka, actually. He had this girl he was sweet on who worked in the Rob¡¯aGob tavern¡­¡±


    Icy fingers ran down Garth¡¯s spine as he heard a teenage boy brag about murdering his brother.


    ¡°Anyway, I¡¯ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I think my family¡¯s policy of wiping out your family is a bit extreme. If I were patriarch, I would rather have your family as a friend. I¡¯d rather have you as a friend.¡±


    ¡°Seems odd to lead with ¡®I killed your brother¡¯.¡±


    ¡°You would¡¯ve found out eventually, I don¡¯t want you thinking I was a liar, and besides, you didn¡¯t even know him. You were snatched away from your mother to be the puppet of the next generation of Chairs.


    ¡°Explain the chair system.¡± Garth said, slowly blocking a strike.


    ¡°Ah right, you just got thrust into this mess. Well, in a normal Succession ¨C yours isn¡¯t normal, by the way ¨C every son who thinks they have a chance at attaining the patriarchy tosses their hat in the ring in the first few weeks, then their sisters choose who they want to back, and in what order. They then work to maximize the chances that particular son will be chosen as the successor.¡±


    ¡°As the sons are forced out of the race or eliminated, the sisters will reshuffle, choosing sides, until the last son remains, and becomes the new patriarch, at which point, the sisters are ranked by that son, based on the amount of support they received.


    ¡°And the person who backed him first becomes first chair.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Traditionally, yes. First chair has as much power as the patriarch and more freedom to wield it. They run the family, and delegate responsibilities to the second, third and so on.¡±


    ¡°Huh, so who¡¯s going to be my first chair?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, maybe watch your sisters for a while, see which one leads the pack, so to speak.¡±


    What an odd system. Every family run by a brother/sister duo.


    ¡°So where does your mother come into all this?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°My mother was a Garthspawn. I don¡¯t know which of my father¡¯s stable she was, but I do have an idea.¡±


    ¡°Stable?¡± Garth demanded, the wood squeaking under his grip


    ¡°All noble children are born from a stable of Garthspawn kept by the house. Who wouldn¡¯t want plenty of healthy heirs to run the family businesses?¡± He paused and considered a moment. ¡°That¡¯s one thing for you to look forward to. I am too.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. That sounds great.¡± Garth gritted through his teeth. Garth had quipped about the systematic rape of his granddaughters to the principal, but he hadn¡¯t been aware of the full scope of the problem until now, and it was a lot more systematic, and a lot more rapey than he¡¯d thought.


    That and every single noble was a descendant of his.


    His grandchildren were raping his other grandchildren.


    You know what, not gonna care about that anymore. Thirty-two goddamn generations was far too diluted to treat each and every one of them like his children. Except the Garthspawn seemed to have some kind of dominant trait that linked back to him and his daughters.


    Those are the ones that are suffering, those are the ones that need my help.


    That and the kids caught in lethal family squabbles.


    And the starving peons who had most likely been born from a garthspawn at some point.


    Okay so there¡¯s a lot of people I could help, but we¡¯ll keep the focus narrow for now.


    ¡°So now you¡¯ve heard about the way things are, what do you say to giving me a hand?¡± Kyle asked. ¡°If I become the patriarch, our two families could benefit together¡­¡±


    ¡°Or if you prefer, I can revert to our old way of thinking and kill you right here,¡± Kyle said, glancing to where the teacher was paying attention to something else all the way across the practice yard.


    ¡°I could snap your neck and be done with it before the instructor could do a damn thing.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Garth said, smouldering with anger. ¡°You couldn¡¯t.¡±

 Chapter 115: Throwing the fight.

    ¡°Really?¡± Kyle asked with raised brows. ¡°What makes you so sure?¡±


    ¡°I consider myself something of an expert of history before the fall of man. I was fascinated by the things we used to be able to do, and I¡¯ve spent years of my life scouring every mention I could find of that bygone era.¡± Garth set up his backstory.


    ¡°And you recreated some object that gives you the godlike power of the ancients? Flying through the sky? Killing a man at fifty feet with nothing but a shiny metal box?¡± Kyle asked sarcastically.


    ¡°I saw a quote.¡± Garth said, subtly weakening Kyle¡¯s heavy wooden sword.


    ¡°Oh, this should be good,¡± Kyle said, grinning as he stretched.


    ¡°Know yourself, and know your enemy, and you shall not fear the outcome of a thousand battles.¡±


    ¡°That seems¡­fairly obvious?¡± Kyle¡¯s eyebrows clouded. ¡°Was there a point to that?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t know me.¡±


    Garth lunged forward, arm outstretched.


    Kyle sidestepped easily and grunted with effort, delivering a full power, two handed strike to the back of Garth¡¯s neck, but the heavy wooden blade simply snapped rather than damage its master.


    ¡°And that¡¯s another Bergstrom for¡­me?¡± Kyle noticed the busted blade an instant before Garth grabbed him by the face and took him to the ground.


    ¡°It¡¯s about time!¡± one of the onlookers shouted, his attention attracted back to the melee.


    Garth was planning on going for a mount as they were falling, but the bastard was strong, peeling Garth¡¯s grip away from his face and jutting his knees up into Garth¡¯s stomach, while hunching his back, turning the fall into a roll. He threw Garth all the way over him, and used that momentum to flip himself on top of him in a mount position.


    Well, that¡¯s no good, Garth thought an instant before a punch drove his face into the sand.


    ¡°Kick his ass Kyle!¡±


    ¡°You can do it, old soul, harness the powers of your ancestors or some shit!¡±


    ¡°Nice groundwork Kyle.¡± The teacher said with a bored tone before returning to teaching two of the slower members.


    One thing that Garth had taken away from Kyle¡¯s lessons was that there weren¡¯t really any rules in a real fight.


    Garth grabbed some of the sand lying beside him and threw it in the teenage psycho¡¯s face. The kid blocked the sand with his forearm, but it also blocked his vision of Garth¡¯s true target: His dick.


    Garth awkwardly punched straight down with everything he had, where the kid¡¯s thighs were conveniently spread.


    ¡°Uuung¡± Kyle let out an anguished groan and leaned forward, the veins on his neck standing out as his face turned red.


    Garth wrapped a hand around the back of Kyle¡¯s head and brought his neck into biting distance. Garth tasted blood when Kyle let out a shout and returned fire, delivering a blow that could shatter stone into Garth¡¯s gut.


    Garth¡¯s jaw loosened as a grunt was forced out of his lungs, and Kyle took the opportunity to push himself away, flinging backward with superhuman strength.


    ¡°Ooh, that¡¯s umm¡­ Teacher?¡± one of the catcallers spoke with rising alarm as they saw Kyle back away with a bloody hand clapped to the side of his neck.


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter, weren¡¯t you going to break my neck?¡± Garth pushed himself up and lunged forward, sliding his front foot forward along the ground violently as he went, sending a spray of sand in front of himself.


    Never hurts to stick with the classics.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Kyle said, squinting as Garth tackled him back to the ground. The two of them flew through the air a moment before Garth landed on top of Kyle, driving the air out of him. Kyle¡¯s free hand was caught under Garth¡¯s armpit, and Garth pinned his other hand to the ground, allowing his bloodied neck to continue oozing into the sand.


    ¡°Looks like I missed the jugular,¡± Garth whispered into Kyle¡¯s ear before licking the side of his face. ¡°Maybe next time I¡¯ll get a proper taste of your blood.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t Garth¡¯s thing, but you had to make people reaaaally uncomfortable if you wanted them to be afraid of you. Psychos need something a bit more kinky than the idle threat of violence.


    ¡°You insane bastard!¡± Kyle shouted, slamming his forehead into Garth¡¯s nose.


    The impact sent stars through Garth¡¯s vision, turning his already bloody nose into a faucet.


    Garth felt a giggle welling up from inside, and didn¡¯t bother to push it down.


    ¡°Hee hee heee¡­¡± Garth spat the blood dribbling into his mouth into Kyle¡¯s eyes, then pushed himself up and delivered a solid blow to the kid¡¯s temple, the boy began to shudder like a clubbed fish, and so Garth discretely healed the lethal damage to his brain.


    Whoops, gotta keep him alive for this.


    ¡°What should I take next?¡± Garth asked as the boy¡¯s eyes rolled back to the front.


    ¡°I¡¯m thinking maybe snipping your nose off.¡± Garth sported a manic grin and clacked his bloody teeth together while wiggling his eyebrows.


    ¡°No, NO!¡± Kyle shrieked, pushing Garth away with a superhuman shove and crab walking backwards.


    Garth tumbled backwards, cackling. He pushed himself to his hands and knees and spotted Kyle, then prowled forward, singing to the tune of Lesley Gore¡¯s ¡®you don¡¯t own me¡¯


    ?You don¡¯t know me¡­


    ?I¡¯m not just one of your¡­many toooys.


    ?You don¡¯t know me¡­


    ?Don¡¯t run your mouth off you...little boooy.


    ¡°Get away from me!¡± Kyle shouted, his nostrils flaring, eyes wide with fear. Excellent.


    Garth was getting into it, now, scuttling forward inhumanly fast. When Kyle kicked at him in fear, he¡¯d catch it and break the little psycho¡¯s ankle¡­ Maybe bite off a toe.


    People thought psychopaths don¡¯t feel fear, because of all those cop shows where they don¡¯t give a shit about the interrogator¡¯s threats.


    Not so. Most of them are so calm because they know law enforcement would never do any permanent damage. The threats and intimidation, It¡¯s all so much hot air. But real threats, actual harm, or a complete loss of control, and they feel it. They can feel fear.


    Now to make this one afraid of him¡­


    ¡°Mr. Bergstrom, that¡¯s enough!¡± The instructor shouted, Snapping Garth out of it.


    Garth felt the energy drain out of his body and he sat back on his knees and panted, glancing at the teacher.


    ¡°How was my groundwork?¡± He asked, putting a thumb on the side of his nose and blowing the blood out of one nostril before clearing the other one.


    The assembled student were watching him with equal measures fear and awe. Alicia was staring at him with something of a predatory smile.


    Shit, I was supposed to throw the fight. His plan had been to act like a teenage hothead, but now he seemed more like a bat-shit crazy serial killer.


    Not really what I was going for.


    ¡°That was totally inappropriate!¡± She shouted.


    ¡°Why?¡± Garth asked, pointing at Kyle, who was staunching his neck again, watching him with wide eyes. ¡°I won, didn¡¯t I? What separates punching someone in the face from above from biting their neck and scaring the shit out of them?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just wrong!¡±


    ¡°Well, that doesn¡¯t make sense.¡±


    This is why I¡¯ll never understand fighters, Garth thought with a sigh.


    ¡°You, take Kyle to the infirmary!¡± The instructor said, pointing to one of the onlookers.


    ¡°I¡¯ll do it!¡± Alicia chimed in sweetly.


    ¡°I can walk, bitch, mind yourself!¡± Kyle shouted, practically running from the practice yard with his hand clapped over his neck.


    ¡°See you tomorrow!¡± Garth shouted after him before a lead weight settled in his stomach.


    ¡°And you, Mr. Bergstrom¡­¡± The brainwashed teacher said, hesitating. ¡°See to it that doesn¡¯t happen again.¡±


    Whatever that was, Garth thought with a sigh.


    Garth¡¯s temper had gotten the better of him. Again. He was supposed to lose, badly. They were supposed to make fun of him, allowing them to build a mental image of him that didn¡¯t sync with being the leader of an underground organization, or the reincarnation of their Satan.


    They would have laughed everything he did off as him being weird and not give it a second thought. He was supposed to look like a hotheaded teenage idiot.


    Wait a minute. I am a hotheaded teenager. Garth realized. He was in a teenage body, ergo, his emotions were roiling out of control, except the problem was, this time around, he matched outlandish power with total social isolation and a complete lack of give-a-shit. He was a time-bomb.


    Gonna have to find a way to reel that shit in, Garth thought as he was about to climb to his feet. I need someone to keep me grounded, like a sidekick.


    I miss Wilson.


    Garth glanced up, and saw black pants stretched around a juicy pair of thighs, leading up into hips that flared outward pleasingly.


    A hand entered his field of view, and Garth took it, allowing Alicia to pull him to his feet. She gave him a smirk and handed him a wet towel.


    ¡°For your face.¡± She said.


    ¡°Ah, thanks.¡± He said, wiping an alarming amount of blood away from his mouth.


    ¡°So listen,¡± She said, looking him up and down, ¡°I¡¯ve been thinking earlier...¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to make you grab my junk, I just kinda was having fun wrestling, and¡­¡± Garth shrugged.


    ¡°Not. That.¡± She growled, her face reddening.


    ¡°Oh, nevermind. What¡¯s up?¡± Garth asked, scanning the crowd of students that were giving him sideways glances. He probably wasn¡¯t going to get practice partners in awhile.


    ¡°You said hanging out with you would be more exciting, and more profitable than attending classes.¡±


    ¡°Not my exact words, but basically, yeah.¡±


    I was reconsidering my stance on that.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not just saying that because I almost killed your brother and you¡¯re backing someone else, are you?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a factor,¡± Alicai admitted, ¡°But it¡¯s more about how you almost killed him. you¡¯re not afraid of him, and I need people like that around me.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Garth grunted. ¡°And it doesn¡¯t bother you that our families have a blood feud?¡±


    ¡°Kyle wasn¡¯t wrong,¡± she said. ¡°You can make meaningful decisions right now. Putting Kyle¡¯s head on your mantle will go a long way toward satisfying your father and aunt¡¯s thirst for vengeance, and then between the two of us¡­¡±


    She stepped closer and played with the collar of his shirt, her sweet scent piercing the smell of blood.


    ¡°We could wash away the hate.¡± she whispered.


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for a sidekick, not a puppeteer.¡± Garth said, gently removing her soft fingers from where they were tickling his collarbone.


    ¡°If you ever wanna hang out for the fun of it, let me know, but in the meantime, I got bigger fish to fry than your low-stakes family squabbles.¡±


    ¡°Low stakes!?¡± She shouted, hurting his eardrums.


    ¡°You heard me,¡± Garth said, rubbing his ear with his palm. ¡°I¡¯ll tell you the same thing I told your brother: ¡®You don¡¯t know me.¡¯¡±


    ¡°If you really want to know what I am¡­¡± Garth considered for a moment, ¡°Go ask your uncle about me, he¡¯s got the inside scoop.¡± Garth said, turning to leave. ¡°If you still want my help after that, well¡­we¡¯ll talk terms.¡±


    The tone of an enormous bell cut through the chatter.


    ¡°Oh, look at that, time to go home,¡± Garth said, breaking into a sprint.


    ¡°Wait!¡± Alicia shouted after him. ¡°You have to help clean up the yard!¡±


    Garth ignored her and busted out of the academy, running just to run.


    He didn¡¯t stop until he was all the way back to the Bergstrom manor.


    Garth stopped at the front door and rang the bell, panting.


    As first days go¡­that was pretty disastrous.


    ***Alicia***


    Alicia stewed on Edward¡¯s words the entire trip back to the Inn. She ducked into an alley and changed clothes, heading out a side route to make sure Kyle¡¯s lackeys couldn¡¯t track her to her Inn.


    Once she was dressed in a baggy hemp shirt and skirt, she meandered around the city for an hour or so, occasionally cutting through sidestreets and backtracking, until she was in Marcus¡¯s side of the trade district, standing in front of the alley where she¡¯d been forced to defend herself from two hired murderers.


    There was no way to prove they were hired by Benedette, but Kyle preferred doing things himself, and Susie didn¡¯t have the money, so it was fairly obvious to Alicia. Lost in her own thoughts, Alicia didn¡¯t notice the difference until she was almost in the alley itself.


    Her gaze didn¡¯t even touch on the bloodstains on the ground from the day before, instead landing on the smoking husk of her uncle¡¯s base of operations. The main beams of the building stood like a blackened ribcage, the rest of the wood completely burned away.


    ¡°What the hell?¡± Alicia said quietly. Where was her uncle, then? Surely he couldn¡¯t be inside.


    This might warrant hazarding a trip home to see Aunt Maggie.


    Macronomicon


    There we go, last chapter of the week, 115th chapter, Jeez, never thought I''d get this far. Anyway, That puts Patreon up to 45 chapters ahead! Slowly but surely rebuilding our lead.


    The wonderful people who support me there keep this silliness flowing.

 Chapter 116: Secret’s out

    Macronomicon


    ¡°Lovely to see you dear,¡± Maggie said, smothering Alicia against her chest.


    ¡°MMM!¡± she groaned, her airways blocked.


    ¡°What brought you home?¡± Maggie said, eagerly sitting down and staring at Alicia with hyper-focus.


    All this was strange. First, when she arrived, one of her younger sisters had cried bloody murder, and run off, and less than a minute later Maggie herself had come to get her and sat her down for a talk.


    Having grown up with her, Alicia could read the woman¡¯s subtle tells, and she was truly eager to hear about something.


    ¡°I wanted to ask about uncle Marcus.¡±


    Maggie¡¯s brows furrowed, obviously not expecting Alicia¡¯s line of questioning.


    ¡°What about him?¡±


    ¡°Is he still alive?¡±


    ¡°Why would you ask that?¡±


    ¡°His place is burned down. Didn¡¯t you hear?¡±


    Maggie froze in place, her habitual smile flickering out.


    ¡°I should have,¡± She said, putting her knuckle to her lips as she thought. ¡°I really should have. That¡¯s not good.¡±


    ¡°That dour detective plays things close to the vest, I¡¯ll give him that.¡± Maggie grimaced in a rare moment of outward anger before she returned back to her typical amused self.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know about your uncle, but if we haven¡¯t heard from him or any of his men, chances are good he¡¯s gone, dear.¡±


    ¡°Dead?¡± Alicia asked, a cold shiver running down the back of her neck.


    ¡°He¡¯s not on vacation if that¡¯s what you¡¯re asking.¡± Maggie said, pausing to take a sip from the wineglass in front of her.


    Ask your uncle about me, he¡¯s got the inside scoop.


    What happened in that alley? Alicia had taken the cigar from Edward, and after that she didn¡¯t remember a thing. She thought maybe the relief of winning that fight mixed with the blunt had somehow killed her short term memory, or caused her to faint.


    She had seen her uncle, he¡¯d been snoring away that very night. Had Edward gone back and lit the place on fire, allowing her uncle to succumb to smoke inhalation while he was too insensate to move?


    Something didn¡¯t feel right about that.


    ¡°Alicia,¡± Maggie said, her voice bringing Alicia out of her thoughts. ¡°You dropped something.¡±


    On que, one of her brothers entered, bringing Alicia¡¯s rapier with him. Johnathan nodded to the two of them, then went his way as she picked up her rapier and cradled it against her chest.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t see Guile when I went back! I was sure some scavenger had melted it down into pieces and sold them!¡±


    The chances of a scavenger being able to do anything to adamantium were slim to none, but she had still been concerned.


    Maggie watched her snuggle her rapier for a moment, her finger tapping the rim of her drink impatiently.


    ¡°I wanted to ask you something.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°A detective came by, thinking there might have been someone else there with you. Do you remember who you met in the alley where they found that sword?¡±


    ¡°The Bergstrom heir, apparently.¡±


    The crystal goblet shattered in her aunt¡¯s grip.


    ***The Next Day***


    ¡°Therefore the upper classmen will be taking a field trip into the Clarkstown forest on the edge of the Green Hell to-.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what stuck!?¡± Edward blurted from the back of the class, making Alicia tense and stare at the phytomagus. Edward took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, going back to sleep while the headmaster finished delivering the news.


    ¡°To significantly reduce the Yenner population. This is going to be a dangerous trip, so each family is suggested to send a bodyguard with their student¡­¡±


    Ms. Pendleton¡¯s words droned into the background as Alicia stared at the wolf in their midst. Could this odd boy really be a monster capable of killing her uncle and weaving spells? He certainly didn¡¯t seem to respect any authority but his own.


    The night before, Maggie had given her a mission. Bring Edward over to their side, or learn the secret of magic from him.


    Maggie didn¡¯t even have any evidence, just half-assed testimony from an aging detective who told of a wooden knife.


    But he¡¯s so plain, Alicia thought, watching him while resting her head on her palm. If she had to guess, she would think he was a Berserker after that outburst the day before. He had never demonstrated anything resembling mysticism, and he certainly hadn¡¯t made anything out of wood or controlled plants.


    Alicia couldn¡¯t overlook the possibility that this was a red herring designed to eat up her time and distract her from important matters.


    At least Thomas is having fun, She thought idly. The boy had blended seamlessly into the local hoodlums and begun making his own little empire. Not a bad idea, getting started at the grass roots.


    ¡°¡­now I¡¯ll let you back you your class. Remember to come prepared for a trek on Friday.¡±


    The headmaster gave the floor back to their instructor and went her own way, but not before shooting Edward a¡­longing stare?


    Alicia felt her eyebrow raise.


    There was definitely something off about the Bergstrom Heir, but magic? Who knew.


    Perhaps the Bergstroms, tired of having their Heirs killed, had adopted the most bloodthirsty, dangerous boy they could find, as a way of vicariously exacting their revenge.


    That seems outlandish.


    But he doesn¡¯t seem to be at all interested in politics. If he were a real heir, shouldn¡¯t that be the filter through which he sees everything? It seemed as though the opposite were true. He seemed to treat everyone with an equal amount of condescension, certainly not looking to make friends and alliances.


    What had he said he needed? A side-kick?


    Alicia blew air through her lips as the lesson droned on.


    A couple hours later, it was time to move to the practice yard, and the commotion woke Edward up. He yawned and stretched while pushing himself off the cold marble floor, blearily following the crowd.


    Alicia sank into the back of the herd until she was walking beside him.


    ¡°Welcome to the land of the living.¡±


    ¡°Ugh,¡± he replied, smacking his lips. ¡°Didn¡¯t get a lot of sleep last night.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah?¡± she asked, expecting more than that.


    He squinted at her. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Doing what? Or who?¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t tell you yet,¡± Edward said. ¡°It¡¯s not time for the punchline.¡±


    The walked in silence for a moment as Alicia stewed on that bit of nonsense. She glanced up and noticed they¡¯d fallen far behind the rest of the class.


    The last student turned the corner, and Alicia snagged Edward by the shirt and slammed him against the wall.


    ¡°Is this about your uncle?¡± Edward said, blinking tears out of his eyes.


    ¡°What did you do?¡± she demanded.


    ¡°I killed him, obviously.¡±


    Alicia delivered a solid knee to his groin, causing him to grunt in pain.


    ¡°That¡¯s-¡°


    She punched him in the face.


    ¡°You know, he-¡°


    She unsheathed her hidden knife and went for his throat. Maggie would be just as happy knowing no one else had access to this monster. Not a chance on Earth would she cozy up to the man who killed her favorite uncle. Not even for her aunt.


    Edward held his hand up, and the blade pierced through, emerging from the back of his palm. His hand clamped down around hers, preventing her from pulling the blade out for another attack.


    ¡°Maybe not the knife.¡± Edward said, calmly pulling the blade away from his face.


    Alicia aimed an elbow strike at his eyebrow, and unleashed a knee into his ribcage that cut through the air.


    He shrugged them off, seemingly unaffected.


    Alicia kept at it until she stood there, panting.


    ¡°You know, however kind he was to you, your uncle made the lives of thousands of people miserable. He was not a good man.¡± Edward said.


    ¡°He was MY family!¡±


    ¡°Come on, doesn¡¯t that seem kind of hypocritical, considering you want to kill your family members too? I just got a head start, and a great deal on Adamantium¡­Brenna.¡±


    Ice settled in the pit of her stomach.


    ¡°What the hell did you do?¡±


    ¡°I took over your uncle¡¯s job.¡± Edward said with a shrug. ¡°I figured the Dentons didn¡¯t really need all that tax-free money, and that I could think of a better use for it. You know, he would have found out about your little trick siphoning money away from him in a matter of days, and he wouldn¡¯t have been your favorite uncle after that.¡±


    ¡°I probably saved your life.¡± Edward gave her a knowing look.


    Alicia punched him again, bruising her knuckles, but it didn¡¯t wipe the expression off his face.


    She tried to step away, but his hand was wrapped around hers.


    ¡°Let go of me!¡±


    How dare he try to hold her after everything he¡¯d done!


    She struggled like that for a full minute, kicking and cursing, her screams ringing through the halls, all the while he pinned her knife hand in an iron grip, unflinching in the face of so much abuse.


    Eventually her arms turned to lead, and sank down to her sides.


    ¡°It probably doesn¡¯t mean much,¡± He said quietly. ¡°but my parents played me and my brother off against each other for years before I figured it out and got outta there. It never got anyone killed, but there was plenty of betrayal on both side, and led to a historically inaccurate falling out.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry your family is so fucked up.¡± Edward said when she had finally stopped struggling.


    ¡°You don¡¯t know a damn thing!¡± Alicia said, rallying her energy to kick him. It felt like she was kicking ironwood, doing more damage to her legs than him.


    ¡°This is natural! This is what I was born to do, and if I¡¯m weak, I¡¯ll die, just like James, and Frank, and Steven, and Sarah!¡± Alicia started scratching at his wrist, completely out of control now. She began to mentally list every grievance she¡¯d accumulated with her siblings in the last five years, when they had changed from a family to a den of snakes, eager to kill and eat each other.


    He held her hand tight to the handle of the switch blade for what felt like an hour, but it must have only been ten minutes of her struggling to get away from him.


    When Alicia got control of her breathing again, she stopped struggling and gently pushed away from Edward. He let her go.


    She drew in a shuddering breath, her limbs shaky.


    ¡°I still hate you for killing Marcus.¡±


    ¡°Gotcha.¡± he said.


    ¡°But we can talk terms.¡±


    ¡°Oh, good,¡± he said, rocking back and forth. ¡°Because I¡¯ve realized I need s-¡°


    At that exact moment Kyle turned the corner and froze, catching their attention.


    The handsome teenager turned pale and sprinted away as fast as he could.


    ¡°What was that about?¡±


    ¡°I snuck into the Denton manor last night and pierced his nipples while he slept.¡±


    ¡°Seriously?¡± She asked.


    ¡°I wrote a note and everything. He didn¡¯t even wake up for it. You wanted to know why I was tired this morning? That was it.¡±


    Disregarding how on Earth he managed to sneak into the Denton manor, that was the funniest thing she¡¯d heard in weeks.


    Alicia felt a mad chuckle welling up from deep inside.


    ¡°The rings were made out of adamantium, too. They¡¯re not coming out.¡±


    ¡°Hahaha!¡± She broke into a full-blown laugh.


    Once she calmed down, she took a deep, steadying breath.


    She could cram the loss of her uncle down with the others for now if she had to. She had to refocus on what was important, which was doing what her aunt expected of her. She needed a way to get Edward on her side, but lust wasn¡¯t the right way to go.


    He had offered his own story to her. He was feeling lonely.


    There¡¯s no better way to get someone on your side than make them think that you¡¯re on their side. In that case, she could pretend to betray her family in favor of him. Make her aunt seem like the evil temptress Alicia was trying to escape from.


    Alicia decided to go with that route, but she still needed to confirm whether or not this Bergstrom was even worth her time.


    ¡°You should be careful, ¡®cuz my aunt¡¯s got it out for you. She thinks you¡¯ve got some kind of forbidden class.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Garth said. ¡°Like what?¡±


    ¡°fito-something.¡± Alicia said, watching his expression closely. He didn¡¯t reveal any telltale signs of surprise, but she couldn¡¯t be sure.


    ¡°She thinks you can do magic.¡±


    ¡°Magic?¡± Edward asked, his eyes widening for a moment before he, too broke into laughter. ¡°My parents chose berserker for me because I had such a hard time controlling myself! I wouldn¡¯t know the first word to a magic spell!¡±


    ¡°Can you imagine, though?¡± he asked, striking a pose. ¡°Elemental Lighting, strike my foes! Roast them where they stand! A little to the left, if you would, lightning.¡±


    ¡°You probably shouldn¡¯t have left a dagger made of wood that was stronger than steel at the yenner ambush.¡± Alicia tested him a third time.


    He paused, mid-pose, brows furrowed. ¡°Well, shit.¡±


    Alicia¡¯s skin tingled with excitement.


    ¡°So you are a mage.¡± I don¡¯t believe it, Aunt Maggie will be frothing at the mouth. Then another realization struck her like a punch to the stomach. They could all be killed by the inquisition if word got out.


    ¡°I admit nothing.¡± Edward said. ¡°I¡¯d be happy to submit to a Class Inspection.¡±


    ¡°If you were a mage, couldn¡¯t you falsify it?¡±


    ¡°Nnnno?¡±


    ¡°If you were a mage, I¡¯d be obligated to report you to the church, who would then launch an Inquisition, composed of thousands of second tier warriors, and at least half a dozen royals, who can move the earth and sky with their will alone. They would tear this city apart, killing thousands until they found you, following you to the ends of the Earth if they had to.¡±


    ¡°Yeesh,¡± he said, raising his hand. Alicia felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as something invisible shifted around her. He was probably thinking of erasing her, right here.


    ¡°But!¡± She added hastily, ¡°I don¡¯t want to do that!¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°I want the power to conquer my family with minimal bloodshed. Teach me magic, and I can do that.¡± That was her secondary goal, after all.


    ¡°You¡¯re still thinking so small.¡± Edward said, cocking his head to the side.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°What about the rest of the world? If you had magic, Why would you care about being first chair of a family in charge of a minor city?¡±


    That was true. Why would she have to give Maggie anything, when the power from magic would easily secure her place as head of the family? What would she even need a family for if she could conjure her every want out of thin air?


    ¡°I tell you what. I¡¯ve got some stuff I¡¯m working on that make your succession race look like small potatoes. Set aside your family and work with me for a while instead, and I¡¯ll teach you everything I know, then you can decide whether you want to go back to your race.¡±


    Alicia opened her mouth, moments away from agreeing, before she thought of Thomas. If she hadn¡¯t convinced him to enter the running, she would have no qualms about leaving her family behind right here and now, but she was responsible for him.


    ¡°I¡­won¡¯t.¡± Alicia said. ¡°I¡¯m responsible for my brother¡¯s situation. I still won¡¯t tell anyone about you, in the hopes that the offer still stands if my situation changes.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a pretty mature decision.¡± Edward said. ¡°Tell you what. If you just hang out with me and listen to my bitching, I¡¯m not going to hide anything I¡¯m doing from you. Maybe you¡¯ll figure something out on your own.¡±


    ¡°Listen to your bitching?¡±


    ¡°I really need someone to talk to.¡± Edward said with a thin smile. ¡°Keep me grounded, you know?¡±


    ¡°Oh, right,¡± he said, seizing the switchblade handle in his left hand and pulling the blade out of his palm.


    ¡°Almost forgot your knife.¡±


    I almost forgot my knife. How on Earth did the person with the blade in his hand forget about it? Never mind carrying on a conversation like nothing was wrong.


    Edward flexed his fingers as the wound closed in a matter of seconds.


    ¡°Ah, that¡¯s better.¡±


    What did I get myself into? Alicia thought, staring at his hand.

 Chapter 117: Putting it all out There

    Garth took a deep breath of the morning air, feeling the warm sun on his back as the train of students marched toward the west.


    ¡°So here¡¯s my situation in a nutshell,¡± Garth said to the gaggle of Dentons surrounding him: Alicia, Benedette and Susie. According to Alicia, they were agents of her aunt, sent to turn him.


    Of course, by that metric, Alicia was too.


    Garth was pretty sure he¡¯d be able to turn her first, though.


    Unless that was what she wanted him to think.


    Spy stuff is hard, Garth thought.


    ¡°A few years back, a bastard put me in prison. While I was gone, my wife died and some A-hole stole my kids. My evil twin ruined my reputation while I was in the slammer and my brother capitalized on it to make his career.


    Now I¡¯m out, and my kids are slaves, my brother¡¯s untouchable, the bastard is gone and I don¡¯t even know who the A-hole was. And my evil twin hasn¡¯t been seen or heard from in ages.¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re sixteen.¡± Benedette said, the tall brunette giving him a sideways glance with raised eyebrows. She was taller than Garth actually.


    And there goes the temptation to change my height again.


    She shared a glance with her sister who shrugged.


    ¡°I¡¯m trying to get a handle on my emotions here and looking for advice,¡± Garth said, wagging a finger at her, ¡°Not tell a coherent story. Names, dates, places, facts, and events have been changed to protect the innocent. If I were you, I wouldn¡¯t tug on that thread.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Benedette said, rolling her eyes when she thought he couldn¡¯t see her. Which was fair because his face was pointed the wrong way. The invisible eye over his shoulder caught it, though.


    Can¡¯t even get respect from teenagers anymore. Oh wait. nobody ever has. Except maybe rock stars. Youtube stars. Movie stars. Drug dealers. Pretty much anybody considered less than wholesome or having a star in their name.


    He glanced back at her and she gave him a cheery, attentive smile.


    ¡°Anyway,¡± Garth continued. ¡°The point is, my entire life from before I went to prison is gone. Just¡­poof. My kids hate me, everybody hates me because of my brother and my evil twin, and I¡¯ve got no property, and no reason to keep my behavior stable. You know that¡¯s why they send married astronauts up into space, right? Because they¡¯ve got a wife and kids, and a house, and a mortgage. They¡¯re invested, they¡¯re less likely to crack. I¡¯m invested in nothing. Step it up, Kyle.¡±


    Garth tugged on the chain connected to the teenager¡¯s indestructible padlock nose-ring, forcing him to stumble forward. He had offered to use his superhuman strength to carry everyone¡¯s luggage.


    What a nice kid.


    ¡°What¡¯s an astronaut?¡± Susie asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s a job from before the fall of man,¡± Garth said offhand. ¡°They were very highly trained engineers who would work on satellites in space.¡±


    ¡°Space? Like, area?¡±


    ¡°Outer space.¡± Garth said pointing up. ¡°Outside of Earth¡¯s breathable atmosphere.¡±


    ¡°But-¡°


    ¡°Not relevant.¡± Alicia interrupted. ¡°You¡¯re looking for ways to become invested now that you¡¯re out of prison.¡±


    ¡°Basically.¡±


    ¡°How long were you in ¡®prison¡¯?¡± Benedette asked, the air quotes practically hanging in the air.


    ¡°Long enough.¡± Garth replied.


    ¡°You could get a hobby, join a new circle of friends, or get married.¡± Susie offered. ¡°I know some girls who would be happy to court you.¡± She twirled her hair shyly.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you do.¡± Garth shook his head. ¡°The circle of friend¡¯s thing sounds tempting, except for the fact that everyone hates me.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t hate you.¡± Benedette said, leaning against him, her breast squishing up against his shoulder.


    Garth slid a hand around her waist and copped a feel before pinching her butt, causing her to yelp and jump away. She was trying to seduce him for evil, her butt was fair game.


    ¡°You do, you just don¡¯t know it yet.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°What about your kids? They¡¯re still around, right? You could focus on them.¡± Kyle offered from the back of the group. Finally someone with decent input.


    Garth took a deep breath and stared at the sky for a moment before stealing a sideways glance at one of the Garthspawn bodyguards walking beside her charge. The purple woman was wearing a simple leather breastplate loaded with knives over easy-to-move-in pants and shirt.


    There were dozens of them on this trip. It seemed like the noble families used their ¡®stable¡¯ of Garthspawn for all sorts of things. Mommies and muscle. That aligned well with the damage the Bergstrom¡¯s bodyguard had done to him.


    ¡°That¡¯s the long-term plan, Kyle-a-roo, but like I said, they were raised to hate and fear me, and any relationship I start with them without telling them who I am is bound for tragedy.¡±


    ¡°You seem to be unwilling to move on past the ¡®everybody hates me¡¯ bit.¡± Alicia said.


    Garth thought about it for a moment and scratched his head. ¡°Yeah, that about sums it up.¡±


    Susie looked at Alicia and shrugged, Benedette rubbed the sore spot on her butt and stuck her tongue out while his head was turned.


    ¡°So what are we supposed to do about it?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Just talking helps.¡± Garth said as they approached the forest. ¡°For now, maybe I can make something that doesn¡¯t hate me. Get invested in that. If I make some kind of voodoo doll that I pour all my love into, I wouldn¡¯t misbehave for fear of it being destroyed.¡±


    ¡°Why not get a dog?¡± Kyle said between pants.


    ¡°Easier, but I don¡¯t want to have to feed it.¡±


    ¡°Or go steady with someone. You don¡¯t have to marry them.¡± Benedette said. ¡°Sex evens the temper very well, I hear.¡±


    ¡°True,¡± Garth said. ¡°Except as my memories of my time in prison have been fading, it¡¯s made my separation from my wife seem more and more recent. The pain of her loss is actually growing over time, if you can believe it. That and I¡¯m not interested in my new squeeze turning on me when she finds out who I am. That would probably send me off the deep end.¡±


    Maybe I could have a hooker even me out every now and then, Garth thought. I think Sandi would be cool with that. Probably?


    Garth decided to put a pin in that until they made it back home, having come up with two possible ideas to get him more even-keeled.


    I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m a god among men, and taking care of my own emotional health has become the top priority, Garth thought, shaking his head with a wry grin.


    ¡°Anyway, enough about me, how does your aunt like her new nipple rings?¡± Garth asked, and the group of Dentons froze in place.


    ¡°What, she didn¡¯t tell you?¡± Garth asked over his shoulder. ¡°She sends a bunch of kids to spy on me, and you think I¡¯m not going to respond to that? If I did it to Kyle, I could do it to any of you.¡±


    ¡°I hear they¡¯re really good for sex, though.¡± Garth said, facing forward again. ¡°She¡¯ll probably thank me later.¡± It was a simple matter of filling the entire manor with soporific spores, unlocking the front door via telekinesis, then wandering around till he found Maggie¡¯s room.


    There¡¯d been a poison needle trap on the door handle, but Garth had been able to shrug it off.


    Maybe a little gold chain between the two of them. Mmn. Good stuff.


    ¡°You¡¯re crazy.¡± Susie said.


    ¡°I¡¯m not crazy. I¡¯m trying to convey that I could kill them in their sleep without mutilating them, or actually killing them. I¡¯m trying to exercise restraint. Does no one get that?¡±


    ¡°Traditionally that¡¯s done with a sword through the pillow,¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°Boring. I like my way better. Plus they will always wonder to themselves, ¡®why the hell didn¡¯t I wake up while the bastard was playing with my nipples?¡¯.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not going to take that lying down,¡± Benedette said.


    ¡°Took it lying down last night,¡± Garth shot back.


    ¡°You know what I mean,¡± she responded.


    ¡°Attention students!¡± came a call from the front of the train of students hiking down the road. ¡°The Clarkstown forest-¡°


    Garth scoffed.


    ¡±- is just ahead. Keep your eyes peeled for Yenner. They look like clusters of young trees leaning toward each other in the ambush position. Once we go into the forest, your noble selves becoming some bugs lunch is a real possibility. Keep your eyes open and stay with a group of no less than five other students at all times!¡±


    ¡°Not only are we here to build forestry skills and help control the Yenner population, we¡¯re also here to show you what it was like to live as a human forced to eat raw, poisonous Heartstones back in the beginning. Each Yenner you kill, you will also be responsible for collecting its heartstone and turning it in to your instructor!¡±


    There was a general groan of disgust at the prospect of dissecting hundreds of bugs.


    ¡°We¡¯re going to march two miles into the forest where we¡¯ve set up a camp in advance. From there, you¡¯ll go out in teams along with your instructors to clear the woods. Of course, exterminating targets of opportunity like goblins are also encouraged.¡±


    I wonder if Brian came out okay. Garth recalled getting a thank you note from him over the ethernet, together with a picture of several pairs of feminine hands guiding his cock into a fat butt. He was certainly living the high life for a while.


    Maybe now minotaurs are one of those Kill-on-sight monsters, Garth thought with a sigh. Sure hope he did okay, hid in the mountains somewhere and spawned thousands of half-breed cow-women. That sounds like a place I¡¯d like to visit.


    ¡°Edward!¡± Alicia shouted in his ear as he was daydreaming about riding cowgirl.


    ¡°Ack, what?¡±


    ¡°The line¡¯s moving again.¡±


    ¡°So it is,¡± Garth said, moving forward again, ignoring the kids staring at him.


    ¡°And hey,¡± he said, glancing back at them. ¡°We¡¯ve got a party of five students already! Factor in your invisible babysitters, and we could totally strike out on our own, like daring explorers!¡±


    The Dentons shared meaningful glances and began to march after him.


    In a matter of hours they made it to the camp, where the academy instructors had gone ahead and made a clearing where the students could set up some ramshackle tents to spend the night in.


    Garth set his backpack filled with mild contact-based paralytics down at the spot they¡¯d chosen to set up camp, a fairly isolated spot on the edge of the camp. It was the least safe spot to be in in case of Yenenr Attack, but also the best spot to be in if they wanted to get involved in some shenanigans


    Garth stretched his back and headed over to where the  Headmaster ¨C mistress? ¨C was taking roll and forming Ye olde adventuring parties.


    ¡°Are you sure you want to be in a party with those four?¡± The Headmaster asked from her makeshift desk where she was registering the student¡¯s groups. ¡°The Denton¡¯s and the Bergstrom¡¯s don¡¯t exactly¡­get along.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± Garth said, waving his hand dismissively.


    ¡°I¡¯m frankly surprised you bothered to show up. There¡¯s any number of noble houses interested in taking the Bergstrom¡¯s seat on the City council, and you¡¯re their weakest link.¡±


    Garth chuckled at being labeled the weakest link.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be careful, I promise.¡±


    ¡°You do that. If you get hurt I¡¯ll-¡° She bit the words off, trying to maintain the fa?ade of neutrality.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine. I¡¯m practically indestructible.¡±


    ¡°Typical teenage boy,¡± Gloria said shaking her head with a sigh.


    ¡°So what¡¯s going to happen to all the Heartstones?¡± Garth asked, casually leaning on the desk.


    ¡°They¡¯re going to be collected and turned in to the state for their bounty.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think it¡¯s unethical to profit off your students like that? You should gather them all up and destroy them once everything is said and done.¡±


    ¡°I¡­Suppose it is, a bit, but that¡¯s a lot of money¡­¡±


    ¡°Might cost you more when their parents find out you profited off their kids.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Yes..¡± She said. The Headmaster¡¯s waist made micro-twitches as her body flooded with pleasure for agreeing with him. ¡°Yes, you¡¯re right. We shouldn¡¯t risk damaging our prestige.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d be happy to dispose of them for you.¡±


    ¡°Do you know the proper way?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± Garth said with a smile, ¡°you can trust me.¡±


    ¡°Okay¡­yes, I¡¯ll be counting on you to dispose of them properly.¡± She said, her cheeks flushing as she struggled to keep control of herself.


    ¡°Good work, Headmaster.¡±


    ¡°NNNNo problem.¡± She gasped as the trigger words activated the conditioning spell.


    Gloria signed off on the party arrangement once she caught her breath, wishing him luck before welcoming the next group¡¯s representative.


    Garth headed back to the camp and came across an interesting sight.


    The tents were only partially assembled, Garth¡¯s backpack was opened, and tilted to the side, some of its precious contents spilling out onto the ground. Thankfully the Mythic cores at the bottom were still buried deep, nestled inside their case.


    Kyle and Benedette were leaned up against a tree, completely still, while Susie panicked over them. Alicia was standing off to the side, fingering the rapier on her waist, obviously considering killing off the competition right here and now.


    ¡°Easy tiger.¡± Garth whispered, clapping her on the shoulder. ¡°Their bodyguards are still here.¡± Garth took his hand away and headed for the tree where the two teenagers were laying with their eyes closed, apparently unconscious.


    Garth knew they could hear everything.


    ¡°They were looking for the key to Kyle¡¯s nose ring. Are they dead?¡± Susie asked, on the verge of tears. Garth felt the air move around him as the kid¡¯s Garthspawn bodyguards got ready to ice him.


    ¡°Nah, they¡¯re still breathing. They¡¯re just unable to move so good right now. They¡¯ll be fine in a half an hour or so.¡±


    Garth reached out with both hands and peeled open one eye of each of the offenders so they could see him.


    ¡°Let this be a lesson. Your aunt sent you here for a reason. And that reason is, I can do shit your puny mind can¡¯t even comprehend. Do not. Fuck with me.¡±


    Garth reached into his vest and pulled out his key, opening the mind-bogglingly expensive adamantium lock on the kid¡¯s nose and let the chain fall to the ground.


    Garth glanced around, spotting no one from the main camp. He went over to his backpack, neutralized the poison and pulled out the graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate that he¡¯d made the night before.


    ¡°Now who wants S¡¯mores?¡±

 Chapter 118: Dangers of Pissing in the Dark

    Garth lay in his bedroll, staring up at the ceiling of his tent, chewing on his ideas. He wanted to make a spell technique that would allow him to weave more mana into it at a later date, allowing him to create a creature with the same power level that he¡¯d had when he was in his prime. Kind of a modular spell, for lack of a better word.


    His current concept was to introduce strong bracing in the weave, then come back and fill it in when he had rested a bit.


    Problem was, his control of mana was a lot weaker and sloppier than it had been, and it frustrated him to no end. He couldn¡¯t make something stronger than his capacity anyway.


    Maybe a kind of polarized, magnetic spell that will lump together on its own?


    At least once he got those heartstones, he¡¯d start making progress again. Between him and an entire school of supercharged teens working for him, he¡¯d make some good progress this weekend.


    He¡¯d even managed to figure out the names of the three bodyguards the Dentons had sent to keep tabs on him. He¡¯d tried to lace their S¡¯mores with tiny seeds that pinged his Mana Sight, but they had refused to take anything from him. It was like they were expecting him to adulterate their food or something. Weird.


    Gotta pee.


    Garth levered himself up and opened the flap to his tent, revealing Susie standing there with her hand raised.


    The black haired, slender girl with a round face was wearing a sheer, loose fitting nightgown, allowing the light of the fire to shine through from the side, illuminating three quarters of her body. Her pale skin glowed from inside the gown, unwittingly revealing her entire body.


    She had modest breasts with rather large, outstanding nipples, a slim waist and small rear. As she stood there, blushing at his evaluating look, her inner thighs glistened with a little something extra.


    ¡°No.¡± Garth said, eyeing the knife strapped to her leg.


    ¡°What?¡± She glanced down at herself, realizing her gown was effectively see-through. ¡°No, this was just for protection, I swear.¡± She made a show of covering up, plastering her arms across herself.


    ¡°Be that as it may, I only enjoy women sneaking into my bed when that¡¯s what they want to do, and not because it¡¯s their job.¡±


    ¡°But this is¡­ I¡­¡± Susie began to whimper, her eyes brimming with tears.


    Ah, damn it. She pulled out the trump card.


    ¡°Fine, you can wait in my tent, I¡¯m just going to take a piss.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she sniffled, ducking into his tent.


    Totally faking it. Welp, not going back in there tonight. Garth considered his problem for a moment. He could always steal Susie¡¯s tent while she waited for him to come back.


    But first, to walk into the dark woods full of man-eating monsters and power hungry aristocrats, pull down his pants and pee against a tree. What could go wrong?


    He could go to the latrine, where it was ten times safer, but it was on the other side of the camp, and Garth wanted to lure out anybody who might mean him harm.


    Garth glanced around the camp, looking for traces of the Garthspawn bodyguards, but found nothing.


    He closed his eyes and dove into the senses of the plants around him.


    One, sitting in the grass by the fire.


    Another, leaning against a tree, feet in the root-filled hollows.


    And a third sitting in the branches of another tree.


    He couldn¡¯t see them, but he could feel their weight.


    ¡°Don¡¯t bother following me,¡± Garth said, eyeing where he knew each of the three to be. ¡°I¡¯ve got a date with a tree, and I can¡¯t go with you guys breathing down my neck.¡±


    If they responded, Garth didn¡¯t catch it.


    Geez, you¡¯d think with all the time I spent tweaking my eyes and ears, I¡¯d be able to see those girls, but nooo, I¡¯ve gotta raise my intelligence and senses.


    Garth glanced out into the dark woods.


    They weren¡¯t dark.


    Garth had spent a great deal of time optimizing his eyes before he¡¯d gotten ganked, restructuring them like an octopus to get rid of the blind spot, and vastly increasing the density of photoreceptors. Garth had opted against using eyeshine to boost his nightvision, since it¡¯s patently obvious when your eyes glow in the firelight. Still, he saw just fine in the tiny amount of light leaking through the clouds.


    Garth¡¯s M.O. had always been to appear normal at first glance. He didn¡¯t want to grow armor over his skin, or horn-studs on his knuckles, simply because it would make people look twice.


    Maybe I should tweak my features a little, though. People are shallow. An extra six inches of height would probably do wonders for my self-esteem.


    This is where Wilson would suggest I add the extra six inches to my dick instead.


    There¡¯s only so much distance to the cervix, Wilson, you horny, dead bastard. What am I supposed to do with the extra five point eight inches that just won¡¯t go in?


    Garth meandered around a bear trap set out for him by the idiots who thought he couldn¡¯t see them hiding in the trees.


    To be fair, it was almost pitch black outside. To them.


    There were some three young men and two women, dressed in silk clothes, watching him anxiously. Garth heard one of them curse under her breath as he stumbled on a root and hopped over their tripwire, rigged to drop a log on him.


    This is kind of amateur hour, isn¡¯t it? Garth thought, keeping his senses open for their Garthspawn bodyguards, if they brought any. He couldn¡¯t feel any telltale shift in the air, so they weren¡¯t breathing down his neck.


    Garth undid his trousers and started pissing on their tree, putting a hand on the wood to support himself. He closed his eyes to search for anybody who might be invisible using the senses of the forest around him, while growing tiny branches around their feet to trip them when they decided to move.


    Garth didn¡¯t feel a Garthspawn. What he did feel was a Yenner stalking them, waiting for one of them to step out from behind the tree so it could tackle that person.


    Garth turned his focus to the giant insect and forced a poisonous branch to grow straight into its eye, all the way to its brain in an instant. The creature died without a sound, twitching in the ambush position.


    The kids above him exercised more restraint than Garth had given them credit for. They probably had decided on a plan where if he didn¡¯t set off a trap, they wouldn¡¯t jump down to finish the job.


    Maybe not amateur hour, maybe¡­intermediate hour?


    On the other hand, they hadn¡¯t covered their faces, so that was a point against them.


    Well, he¡¯d go figure out their names and houses, then report back to Brenda on who wanted Edward dead, as per his side of the deal.


    Wonder how the work on the refiner is going? Garth thought, shaking off and re-fastening his pants. His vague memories from the afterlife that he¡¯d written down suggested he needed a condenser and an adamantium pressure cooker, at least. Five million credits would buy enough adamantium to make that. Probably.


    Garth assumed he would remember more clearly when he¡¯d had a heaping helping of dirty heartstones.


    Come to think of it¡­ Garth turned toward the dead Yenner and began tromping through the woods towards it.


    ¡°Where¡¯s he going?¡± came a faint whisper from the tree behind him.


    Yep, definitely amateur hour.


    Garth stopped in front of the horse-sized corpse and took a deep breath, stretching the limits of his weakened power to create an extra-large cleaver, about as tall as him.


    With a few well-placed hits, the bug was cut in half, and Garth rummaged around in the goop until he came back with a pebbly stone. It was difficult to tell its color in the low light, but it was most likely a shade of brown, a dirty mix of all three mental traits.


    Garth rubbed the blood off with his shirt and ate the stone before heading back past the tree where his would-be assassins lurked, making plenty of noise as he tromped through the woods.


    There was really no such thing as stealth in a forest when you were just walking through it. Unless you were jumping from giant tree to giant tree like the predator. The forest floor just had too many dead leaves and underbrush to move quietly.


    Garth paused to check if anyone was following him again.


    Place was clear, just the five dopes sitting in a tree, S-U-C-K-I-N-G


    I wonder what I should make myself look like if I do change my looks. The power of appearance is pretty unbelievable. I mean, there was that episode of Mythbusters where Carrie padded her bra and made 36% more in tips.


    The moral is, just slap a fake pair of triple D¡¯s on yourself and everything will work out great. Garth rolled his eyes.


    Before he fucked with his appearance, he should draft a plan, practice sculpting, and raise his stats. If he just dove in, he might wind up looking like a plastic surgery gone wrong.


    One more thing on his checklist.


    Garth lightly hopped over the tripwire, ambling back toward the camp, when he felt something displace all the air above him.


    Garth glanced up, spotting the edge of an insectile wing the size of a semi-truck illuminated by the faint light of the waning moon. In a blink of his eye, the wing was gone again, making him question if he¡¯d seen it in the first place.


    Garth didn¡¯t hear a thing, but a soft breeze pressed down on the entire forest, stirring the branches of the trees as the silent creature passed overhead, about a hundred and twenty miles an hour, judging by how quickly that gentle rustle of branches was fading into the distance.


    Jesus.


    We¡¯re gonna need a bigger boat. Garth thought, craning his neck to stare at the sky, hoping for another look at the creature.


    He stepped in the bear trap.


    The hardened steel snapped shut around Garth¡¯s ankle, sharpened steel teeth piercing his skin and warping out of shape against his bones.


    ¡°Ow, fuck!¡± Garth cursed and surveyed the damage as pain on the level of a wicked pinch assaulted him.


    Now who¡¯s the amateur?


    ¡°Now!¡±


    The five idiots leapt out of the branches, every one of them screaming in surprise as small twigs that hadn¡¯t been there before held their feet beck before snapping, forcing them into an end over end tumble to the ground.


    If they hadn¡¯t been fed Endurance heartstones, Garth was sure at least one of them would have broken their neck.


    Garth sighed and raised his hand, sending a gust of soporific laden wind their way as they clumsily tried to stand and get their act together.


    ¡°Edward Bergstrom, your time has¡­come.¡± The leader said, stumbling forward and unsheathing her sword before she pitched into the ground face first.


    ¡°Unlikely,¡± Garth said with a scoff, then looked back down at his dilemma, bending down to pull the trap open. As Garth was forcing the trap open, he heard a crashing through the woods as Alicia ran toward him, blindly running through the dark woods.


    ¡°I heard screams. Edward, are you here?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m here. Don¡¯t move, it¡¯s a bit of a minefield in here.¡± Garth grunted as he used all of his strength to force the trap open. The thing was sized for a bear. A superpowered one. They did not want him to be able to keep his foot.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± she asked, staring out into the darkness blindly, narrowing in on his voice.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± Garth said, gingerly sliding his foot out of the trap before letting the teeth go. They clanged shut with a surprising amount of sound.


    ¡°What was that?¡± She asked, her hand on her sword as the Garthspawn bodyguards arrived behind her.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine, see?¡± Garth said, creating a floating point of light above himself. ¡°Now you can see me.¡± It honestly felt good to not have to hide what he was capable of. Even if it was little more than parlor tricks and knockout gas.


    ¡°Was there someone else out here with you?¡± Alicia asked, squinting against the glare of the light. The Garthspawn seemed to be pretty fascinated by the light, their jaws dropping.


    I wonder if they had the inside scoop. Garth was pretty sure they wouldn¡¯t snitch, their boss already knew, and he was just plain tired of not using magic.


    Garth glanced over his shoulder to where the five teens were sleeping in the darkness, outside of Alicia¡¯s sight.


    ¡°Yeah, but they got scared off.¡± Garth wasn¡¯t in the mood to ruin his night by dragging them into camp and interrogating them.


    Let them take their chances with the night. They¡¯d probably be okay.


    ¡°They put out some bear traps, so you¡¯re gonna wanna watch your step on the way back,¡± Garth said, limping forward as his leg healed.


    ¡°You stepped in a bear trap?¡±


    ¡°Help me walk it off?¡± Garth asked, putting his arm over her shoulder.


    ¡°I think they¡¯re designed so that you can¡¯t walk it off. We need to get you back to the fire so we can take a look at it.¡±


    Garth snorted. His leg was starting to scab up already. In a couple minutes, the damage would be gone. It was more just an excuse to get carried along by a pretty girl.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got a change of subject for you.¡± Garth said, eyeing the brush that was displaced as the Garthspawn stalked along beside them. ¡°A riddle.¡±


    ¡°Really? Now?¡±


    ¡°Humor me. I fly at a hundred miles an hour without a sound, my wings are clear, letting the light of the moon shine through, and are as long as an oak is tall, What am I?¡±


    ¡°Pfft,¡± She scoffed. ¡°That¡¯s Carnifax, obviously. You suck at riddles.¡±


    ¡°Definitely Carnifax.¡± Came a voice from their left.


    ¡°For sure.¡± Came another.


    ¡°And this Carnifax,¡± Garth said, ¡°Would you describe it as legendary?


    Macronomicon


    That''s what I had planned for last Friday!


    Next release should be on or around next friday!


    If you''re still reading this, by God, you''re incredible! You feel the desire to Vote and bring more people into this bizarre adventure.


    I''m chugging away at the advanced chapters on patreon, 47 chapters ahead at last count. slowly but surely regaining that lead.

 Chapter 119: Overdose Pt. 2

    Garth sat on a raised stump, watching the morning activity of the camp.


    The sun was pouring through the trees from the east and partially dressed girls were emerging from their tents, stretching in the cold morning light. All he needed now was David Attenborough narrating.


    there were guys too, but Garth wasn¡¯t paying attention to them.


    Garth glanced over at a musclebound teen tugging on leather boots, appreciated that someone would enjoy the view before shifting back to girls getting dressed in the center of camp, sans modesty.


    Sometimes the future wasn¡¯t so bad.


    ¡°All I¡¯m saying,¡± Garth said around a mouthful of beef jerky as the rest of his team packed up to go Yenner hunting. ¡°Is that the Archetypical Wuxia system where the strong rule doesn¡¯t make any sense. Does being the strongest give you knowledge of city planning? Infrastructure? Economics? And let¡¯s not forget that the guys who are the strongest devote the most time to being the strongest. When do they have any time to make decisions of state?¡±


    ¡°Are you going to help pack up?¡± Alicia asked.


    Garth scoffed. ¡°No. That¡¯s my point. I¡¯m the strongest one here, I don¡¯t have to do shit.¡±


    ¡°NOW!¡± she shouted, her voice ringing through the air, catching the attention of the entire camp.


    ¡°Fine, fine.¡± Garth said, sliding off the stump and heading for his tent. He regarded it for a moment. ¡°You know, I don¡¯t think I should have to clean this up, seeing as I didn¡¯t even sleep in it last night.¡±


    ¡°Not my fault,¡± Susie said, giving him a sullen look as she put on her adventuring armor.


    ¡°It kind of is.¡±


    ¡°You would have slept great.¡±


    Garth narrowed his eyes. Touch¨¦, young one.


    Garth glanced around, didn¡¯t see anyone from the other camps paying attention to them.


    ¡°Womb, are there any Garthspawn watching us?¡±


    ¡°Other than ours?¡± The Garthspawn bodyguard with the terrible name whispered beside him.


    ¡°Obviously.¡±


    ¡°No, Edward.¡±


    ¡°Alicia, is this the only thing I have to clean up?¡± Garth asked, weaving a series of delayed spells in a stretch of his mana control.


    ¡°That and your backpack.¡±


    ¡°Cool.¡± Garth poked the tent, snagged his backpack and walked back to the stump, pulling out some ingredients and fixing himself a ham sandwich.


    ¡°Are you going to clean up your tent or what?¡±


    ¡°Give it a second,¡± Garth said, putting mayo on his bread, following it with his homemade mustard. Two key ingredients to a good sandwich.


    The tent¡¯s poles popped apart and slid out of their loops by themselves. The tent deflated, its stakes pulling out of the ground and rolling into a nice group.


    The tent folded itself neatly, then the poles and stakes gathered together before the ropes slithered around the bundle like snakes, tying themselves into knots, securing the package together.


    ¡°Whaddya think of that?¡± Garth asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.


    ¡°You folded it wrong.¡± Alicia said, settling her rapier on the belt that she slung over her generous hips.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Kyle said, fastening his iron knuckles on. The boy was wearing six separate weapons. Overcompensate much?


    ¡°The door is supposed to be tucked in, not flapping around on the outside like that.¡± Benedette said, shrugging her bow over her shoulder.


    Garth glared at them for a moment, carefully chewing his sandwich before he spoke.


    ¡°I can move things with my mind, and that¡¯s what I get?¡±


    ¡°it¡¯s impressive, sure, But it¡¯s wrong.¡±


    ¡°Sonofabitch,¡± Garth sighed, stuffing the last of the sandwich in his mouth and heading back down to refold the tent.


    It had stretched his ability to handle mana simultaneously to pull off that trick, and he hadn¡¯t managed to nail the landing. It was intensely frustrating how much weaker he was.


    I mean, I could still kill everyone here with my hands tied behind my back, but throw a couple Lantern users at me, and I¡¯m toast.


    About fifteen minutes later, everyone was packed up, their groups paired with an instructor.


    Garth¡¯s group got a particularly blustery young lady chock full of enthusiasm, who confidently led them storming around the side of the mountain the entire day, not encountering a single Yenner. There were a few goblins, but they were the icing on an otherwise bland cake.


    That and a crossbow bolt had nearly taken off Garth¡¯s head when they passed by another group.


    Garth noted his face and moved on.


    By the time they got back to camp, aching and tired, their exuberant, completely inept guide was consoling them for their part in scaring away all the prey.


    ¡°They¡¯re up there, in those mountains,¡± The instructor said as she stared soulfully into the distance. ¡°You kids must have scared them off, but it wasn¡¯t a bad first attempt. You¡¯ll do better tomorrow.¡±


    Garth watched the dark side of blind confidence unfold. If they were making noise, that would attract Yenner, according to the twelve other groups that had brought back oodles of heartstones. The fact that none attacked meant that there were none on those mountainsides.


    Couldn¡¯t she see that??


    Once their chaperone had left, Garth stood up.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna go ask the Headmaster for an instructor with an IQ higher than eighty.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s an I.Q.?¡±


    ¡°Nevermind.¡±


    Garth walked up to where Gloria was tallying the day¡¯s haul, a hefty sack on the table beside her.


    ¡°Good work, Headmaster.¡± Garth said the key phrase as he approached.


    Glorria stiffened, her tight script suffering a long scratch from her pen.


    ¡°NNYes?¡± she asked, glancing up at him.


    ¡°Those the heartstones?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Can I have them?¡±


    ¡°What, why?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m disposing of them, remember?¡±


    ¡°Yes..Yes, of course.¡± She nodded at the sack, about the size of Garth¡¯s chest.


    Garth grabbed it and threw it over his shoulder.


    ¡°And is there any way you could¡­remove the need for a chaperone for my group?¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°I would be so happy with you.¡±


    Gloria began to stammer as her body flooded with nervous anticipation. ¡°A-all right,¡± She said, blushing. ¡°But promise not to wander too far.¡±


    ¡°We won¡¯t go further than half a day¡¯s hike out.¡± Garth lied.


    Garth stashed the heartstones outside the firelight, using Forestwalk to glide silently around to the other side of the camp.


    Garth entered from the opposite side he¡¯d left, enjoying everyone¡¯s startled expression as he slid soundlessly out of the darkness, taking a seat by the fire.


    What can I say? The dark likes me.


    ¡°Alicia, can I talk to you in private?¡± Garth asked.


    Her eyebrows raised a moment, then she nodded.


    ¡°That means you too,¡± Garth said, eyeing where he thought the bodyguards probably were. They were damn professional, and he¡¯d only caught a glimpse of one once when it was her turn to sleep.


    ¡°Alicia?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± She said, standing.


    ¡°Cool, see you guys in a couple hours or so.¡± Garth lifted his hand. ¡°I promise to do my best to bring her back alive, barring earthshattering meteor strikes or the meddling of ancient evil entities.¡±


    ¡°Strangely specific, but Garth¡¯s tomb is just over those mountains, after all.¡± Benedette said, combing her hair until it sparkled in the firelight.


    ¡°None of us really care what you do to her,¡± Kyle said, his eyes closed.


    Susie yawned covering her mouth with her hand, ignoring the conversation entirely.


    I have a tomb? Garth thought, before dismissing it. Bigger things to do.


    ¡°C¡¯mon.¡±


    Garth led Alicia out into the darkness, keeping his senses peeled for ambush and insects. He had long since established a well-known habit of going outside the camp to pee, and so there were three or four hopefuls every time he went out.


    Garth put those people to sleep, Casting Forestwalk on Alicia and guiding her around the traps, until they were nearly a mile outside of camp.


    Garth connected his senses to the forest around him, double checking that there was nobody nearby, before he deemed it safe.


    Garth slowly grew a dozen light-blocking pine trees around them, his temple throbbing as he pushed himself to his limits.


    When they were finally effectively cut off, Garth created a self-refilling torch and lit it with his thumb-flame.


    ¡°What are we doing here?¡± Alicia asked. Garth opened the bag, revealing the wealth of glittering stones.


    Garth wanted to see what she would do. He said he would let her see what he did, not teach her anything. If she wanted the power, she¡¯d have to grab it herself.


    Garth started swallowing heartstones, holding them up to the light and eating the ones with the most clarity and color, tossing the ones with more physical characteristics into a smaller bag.


    ¡°Those are poison. You can¡¯t just eat them. It¡¯ll kill you.¡±


    Garth ignored her, continuing to sort through them, tossing aside the muddy, deformed ones, aiming for the smoothest, clearest ones and swallowing them with gusto.


    ¡°Is that how you got magic?¡± She asked.


    Garth ignored her.


    A half-minute went by, and her eyes narrowed, studying his behavior. After another minute, she reached into the bag and started sorting through them, swallowing the most colorful, clearest, smoothest ones she could find.


    Garth couldn¡¯t push down the urge to smile.


    Smart girl.


    The two of them continued to pick through the bag in silence for half an hour, until Alicia started acting funny.


    ¡°Oh, Kolath, this is weird.¡± Alicia said, a sheen of sweat beading on her forehead. ¡°Is that torch moving? Well, I mean, the torch not the flame.¡± She narrowed her eyes and looked back down at the shimmering heartstones in her hand, a look of horror dawning on her face.


    ¡°This was a bad idea.¡± She glanced back up at Garth. ¡°Am I going to die?¡±


    Probably not, Garth thought, setting aside his heartstones while he was still lucid. He had to be sober enough to take care of her. I¡¯ll make sure you live.


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­feel good.¡±


    The girl started throwing up, retching this afternoon¡¯s lunch out into her own lap, but conspicuously no heartstones. A moment later Alicia¡¯s eyes rolled back in her head, and her body started to convulse violently, flopping onto her back.


    Garth leapt up and rolled her onto her side so she didn¡¯t inhale her own vomit.


    ¡°Aaagh!¡± Alicia let out pitiful groans as her body struggled to cope with the overdose of mental heartstones. The average quality was much higher than what Garth had eaten when he¡¯d gotten his evolution. He¡¯d made sure she ate nothing but stones that leaned toward mental attributes to help facilitate her evolution. Then again, he had been specced for mental stats, and she was most likely not.


    If she was lucky, this would force her body to gain the ability to see mana.


    If she wasn¡¯t lucky, Garth would have to resuscitate her a couple times.


    If she was really unlucky, she was going to die or go insane.


    Garth was going to do his best to make sure that didn¡¯t happen, keeping his fingers on her pulse and watching her breathing as she shook violently in the grass.


    Five minutes into it, Garth stopped feeling a heartbeat.


    ¡°Shit,¡± Garth said, narrowing his focus into his mana control, tugging threads of energy out of the environment and channeling them into her heart.


    Nothing.


    Garth redoubled the power, until there was a tiny jolt of electricity that discharged from her still form. Her back arched, and Alicia gasped, her body beginning to convulse again, shaking the underbrush around them and knocking over the torch Garth had planted in the ground.


    ¡°Damnit!¡± Garth cursed, picking up the torch and stabbing it into the ground further away.


    Garth jumped back to her and put two fingers on her neck, feeling her erratic heartbeat. Her breathing came fast and shallow, eventually so shallow that he couldn¡¯t see her breathing at all. Her heartbeat was weakening again.


    God I hope I didn¡¯t make a vegetable, Garth thought, using telekinesis to expand and contract her lungs, breathing for her. Her heartbeat stabilized, and Garth kept her lungs moving until he felt them spasm beneath his ministrations, and she started coughing violently into the grass.


    After a half an hour or so of tense moments, counting every heartbeat, every breath, she began to breathe deeply and easily, entirely on her own.


    Praise Beladia, I was lucky to survive that.


    Well, she was still alive, so that was something. Now that her body had adapted, there was no point leaving the poison in there.


    Garth put his hand forward and cast the spell doctor Kine had so many years ago, running a filter of attributeless mana through her body and pulling the junk mana that got stuck to it out.


    He repeated the process several times to be sure, and her even breaths became deeper, more even as she sank into restful sleep. Hopefully the poison hadn¡¯t been in her system long enough to do any long-term damage to her maximum attributes. She¡¯d been hit pretty hard.


    Garth on the other hand, hadn¡¯t even gotten a buzz yet. Probably his new race, or class, or something. Maybe I¡¯m not even effected by heartstones anymore, he thought with a sinking feeling.


    He pulled the stripped-down status band out of his vest pocket and slapped it on his wrist.


    Garth Daniels


    Advanced Phyto-Human


    Warning! Subject is wanted by the Core for war crimes. Authorities have been alerted!


    Apostle of Beladia & Pala


    -Strength- 11


    -Endurance- 11


    -Speed- 12


    -Intelligence- 15


    -Memory- 16


    -Senses- 15


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility, Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Affinity


    Class: Neophyte Phytolich


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting, Divine Lantern Style, Create Life,


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind, Mind palace, Memory Lane, Plant Biology, Control Weather, Racial Advancement.


    Excellent, Garth thought, settling his back against a tree, where he could watch the ambitious girl for any relapses. Good progress for just one night.


    Garth started filtering the poison out of his system now that the good stuff had a chance to be absorbed by his body.


    He would accidentally pull some of the good energy out, and he wouldn¡¯t be able to get all of the poison, but that¡¯s what his next body was for.


    Macronomicon


    at the end of the week, Patreon should have, ummm... about 35 chapters ahead?

 Chapter 120: A whole new world

    ***Alicia***


    Light seeped in through her eyelids, and Alicia blearily opened her eyes.


    While she was unpackaging shapes and colors, she noticed how sore her limbs, chest, throat and heart were.


    ¡°By Kolath, I¡¯m alive¡­¡± She breathed, putting her hand underneath her and levering her torso up.


    That was when she noticed the odd squiggles in everything, colors on top of colors, like they had always been there, but she just hadn¡¯t been able to see them.


    ¡°Oh, good, you¡¯re awake,¡± Edward¡¯s voice came from above her. ¡°How many fingers am I holding up?¡±


    She glanced up and saw Edward holding up two fingers.


    ¡°Two.¡± She said, ¡°I think something¡¯s wrong with my eyes.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re seeing mana,¡± Edward said, his middle finger unravelling into squiggles and dissipating back into the environment. Alicia blinked. He had six fingers up until a second ago, and she hadn¡¯t noticed.


    ¡°Congratulations, you¡¯ve unlocked the most essential evolution of any spellslinger.¡± Edward said, sitting down in front of her with a bowl of steaming broth.


    ¡°Your brain is struggling to parse information it¡¯s never had to process before. Give it a couple days and it¡¯ll be as natural as breathing.¡±


    ¡°I caught a rabbit while you were sleeping off the last of the poison,¡± he said, holding the bowl out. ¡°Want some?¡±


    Alicia grimaced, looking down at the bowl of noodle soup in his hand. Where did he get the noodles? The carrots? The spices? It was highly suspicious, and she wasn¡¯t sure she would ever accept anything from him again.


    Then her stomach sent a sharp pain through her abdomen, reminding her that she¡¯d lost her dinner last night.


    ¡°Sure,¡± she said, taking the bowl and sipping at it.


    It was delicious.


    ¡°Sooo,¡± Edward said as she began gobbling up the rabbit stew. ¡°Notice anything odd? Strange animals silently watching you? Ideas that were crazy now seem totally rational? Anything like that?¡±


    Alicia glanced around, then down at her bare thighs being tickled by the grass beneath them.


    ¡°My pants are missing.¡± She said, glaring at him.


    ¡°They were covered in puke,¡± Edward said, pointing behind him, where her pants were drying on a branch in front of the modest campfire. ¡°Now they¡¯re not.¡±


    Alicia turned the bowl over in her hands as she studied him, eyes narrowed. It really seemed like he¡¯d given her the secret of magic, and he hadn¡¯t taken advantage of her while she was asleep. Why was he being so generous?


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me the secret of magic was so easy? What if I show other people how to do it?¡± She asked, studying the faint flickers of mana in her skin.


    ¡°You died twice last night, you know.¡± Edward said, sipping from another wooden bowl. ¡°I kept you alive. With magic. If you wanna go ahead and get someone else killed, be my guest.¡±


    Of course, nothing is that easy.


    ¡°Oh right, I forgot to ask you what your class was.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have one,¡± Alicia said. ¡°You choose one at the end of your schooling.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Edward grunted, sitting back. ¡°So you¡¯ll get to choose something to match your newfound magical aptitude. Cool. I thought you were going to stuck with Swashbuckler or Dread Pirate Roberts or something. Be pretty hard for you to learn magic with a nonmagical class.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I won¡¯t be able to pick anything with magical aptitude. The Class Imprinters aren¡¯t able to bestow magical classes. The method to achieve those classes has been lost to time. I¡¯ll probably choose Duelist, or Elocutor.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a crock of shit.¡± Edward said before downing the rest of his bowl.


    ¡°What?¡±


    Those history books I read in class have wizards springing up and dropping like flies, common enough to use them as heavy artillery in one particular battle. If the method of gaining those classes was that secret, why so many of them? Then all of a sudden, about fifty years after Jim unified the continent under the Mississippi Empire, all mention of them stops.¡±


    Edward looked at his bowl thoughtfully. ¡°Your Class Imprinters have probably been tampered with.¡±


    ¡°Then how¡¯d you become a Phytomagus?¡±


    ¡°Class Imprint.¡± Edward said, giving her a grin.


    ¡°Where??¡±


    ¡°That¡­is a secret.¡±


    Alicia¡¯s hands balled into fists in frustration. This commoner was getting on her nerves.


    ¡°Your pants are probably dry,¡± Edward said, rising smoothly to his feet. ¡°We should get back before they send out search parties.¡± He glanced at the sun approaching its noonday height. ¡°Well, any more search parties. We¡¯re overdue by about twelve hours.¡±


    ¡°What do you want to tell them?¡± Edward asked, glancing back at her.


    Alicia took a deep breath and refocused on the problem at hand, rather than the infuriating man in front of her.


    That¡¯s right, I can¡¯t just admit that I can see mana now. We need a lie that will have them scoff and roll their eyes and not inquire any further.


    ¡°Tell them we were out gathering firewood together and got lost and tired. We decided to wait until morning to find camp again.¡± She said.


    ¡°That¡¯s a pretty blatant lie.¡± Edward said.


    ¡°Yes, it is.¡± Alicia said, taking her pants from him and sliding into them. They were warm and smelled like smoke.


    ¡°Ah, is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?¡± he asked.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Sneaking out into the forest to have sex.¡±


    ¡°No, but it should be easy for them to come to that assumption.¡± Alicia said, running her fingers through her hair before kneeling in the dirt and rocking back and forth to get her pants dirty again. At least on the knees. ¡°All you have to do is deny it emphatically while blushing. You think you can do that?¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s this?¡± he asked, smiling. She saw an instant where squiggles of mana were tugged out of the ground before Edward¡¯s face turned pink and began glowing brilliantly, forcing her to narrow her eyes against the glare.


    ¡°I hope you¡¯re joking,¡± Alicia said, standing and dusting off most of the dirt on her knees.


    ¡°Of course. It¡¯s actually a pretty damn good plan.¡± Edward said, his face returning to normal. ¡°Nobody¡¯s gonna think twice.¡±


    ¡°Well?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Well what?¡±


    ¡°Get your knees dirty.¡±


    Edward sighed, and knelt in the dirt, making thrusting motions while Alicia watched speculatively.


    He wasn¡¯t that bad looking, actually. The brow lent a bit of force to an otherwise intelligent set of features. And he looked like he knew how to work his hips.


    Then Edward ruined the moment by pretending to cum prematurely.


    ¡°Oh, shit baby,¡± Edward said ¡°You were just too good.¡± He then flopped onto his side and started to snore into the forest floor.


    Alicia restrained the urge to laugh and kicked him in the side instead.


    ¡°What? I was making it authentic.¡±


    ¡°Is everything a joke to you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m just trying to enjoy my teenage years. You¡¯re only young once, you know.¡±


    Alicia shook her head. What did I do to deserve this?


    ¡°Come on, let¡¯s get back to camp.¡± She started marching west, toward the plumes of campfire smoke in the distance, smirking as she did.


    ***Garth***


    Garth was walking along beside her in silence when he a flicker of movement above him caught his eye.


    Garth glanced up and saw a school of swordfish basking in the light of the sun, their green fins brilliant as they floated through the sky above the mountain in a relaxed, whorling pattern.


    ¡°Hey look, swordfish,¡± Garth said, pointing.


    ¡°Wha ¨C get down!¡± Alicia shouted, tackling him to the ground.


    ¡°Umm, why?¡± Garth asked, but Alicia put a hand over his mouth, watching the sky.


    Her modest breasts were pressing against his chest, but the thing that really grabbed Garth¡¯s attention was over her shoulder, where her pants had been pulled down just a little by the tackle, revealing the shape of her lower back and the point where her round booty jutted out, stretching her pants tight.


    ¡°Skyfish. They¡¯re patrolling the boundary of the Green Hell. Another monster left behind by Garth to plague humanity. More people die to them in the Green Hell than anything else. Sometimes they come all the way out into the woods. Those things are insanely dangerous.¡±


    Garth tried denying the ¡®plague humanity¡¯ bit, but his mouth was covered by her rapier-callused fingers, so it just came out as ¡°Mm MMph, mm. mmm!¡±


    ¡°Shhh.¡± She shushed him.


    Garth rolled his eyes and just watched the school of Swordfish patrol the mountain range. Looked like Grass had that shit on lockdown. Good.


    Meanwhile Ms. Banyan ¨C I suppose it¡¯s Mrs. Banyan now that she¡¯s with Grass. ¨C would be teaching Ellanore and company how to read and write, and sheltering them indefinitely, as a trial phase of sorts.


    A shadow passed over them in an instant just as the school was entering the edge of his vision, and a dragonfly the size of a couple fully loaded Semi trucks zoomed above them at outrageous speeds.


    The dragonfly slammed into one of the giant missile-fish, grabbing it with its tree-sized legs and biting the seven-foot long fish¡¯s head off with a small explosion. The enormous dragonfly took its prey and swooped down out of sight.


    ¡°Carnifax.¡± Alicia whispered.


    Garth pushed Alicia off him, sending her tumbling backward with a squawk. He climbed the nearest tree to get a better view. It was frustratingly short, so Garth made the tree grow another twelve feet, putting him solidly above the rest of the canopy.


    ¡°Edward, what are you doing? She whispered from the ground. ¡°They¡¯ll see us.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± Garth said, watching the massive dragonfly rest on the side of the mountain and devour its energy-rich prey. ¡°I think we¡¯re pretty low on their list.¡±


    I can¡¯t believe an ecosystem developed around the swordfish. Garth had no idea where a giant dragonfly would even come from, but one thing he knew for sure: That right there was a legendary creature, with a great big heartstone.


    Patience for now. I¡¯m not even close to tangling with something that big, especially if it¡¯s got an ace up its sleeve like Tanglewood.


    Garth climbed back down the tree and joined Alicia on the ground.


    ¡°C¡¯mon, let¡¯s make it back. Only half a day left of this camping trip.¡±


    When they arrived at the base, the other three members of the party were waiting beside an empty campsight.


    ¡°Looks like they deigned to join us.¡± Kyle said, arms crossed.


    ¡°Must have been some talk.¡± Benedette said, eyeing them up and down.


    ¡°Did anyone else ask for us?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°We made excuses for you,¡± Susie said. ¡°You ready to go?¡±


    ¡°We were in the wood gathering firewood, got lost and decided to wait for morning!¡± Garth blurted in his best guilty expression, tapping into Pala¡¯s gift to mislead them.


    ¡°Who cares?¡± Kyle asked.


    ¡°Edward, nobody else even knew we were gone, they covered for us. It¡¯s fine.¡± Alicia said, her eyebrows furrowing.


    Garth suppressed a manic grin as he sold the lie, hard.


    ¡°It was too dark and we couldn¡¯t see the trail!¡± he made an illusion of a blush bloom on his and Alicia¡¯ faces while using Clarion Call to instill more meaning into his words. Garth shifted nervously from side to side.


    Alicia¡¯s eyes followed the traces of mana swirling around him, confused. ¡°Edward, what are you-¡°


    ¡°Nothing happened!¡± Garth shouted, his posture stiff.


    Kyle glanced at Garth and Alicia, then his eyes widened in sudden realization.


    ¡°Ah, well, that¡¯s problematic.¡±


    ¡°I thought you were doing some shady deal, not getting pounded, Alicia.¡± Benedette said, giving her sister a sideways look. ¡°Although it¡¯s never a bad idea to get it while you can.¡±


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t!¡± she shouted, blushing for real. Garth wasn¡¯t entirely sure if it was embarrassment or anger that was coloring her cheeks, now.


    Susie leaned over and whispered something in Benedette¡¯s ear.


    ¡°I guess it¡¯s fine,¡± she said, shrugging and turning away.


    ¡°I told you we didn¡¯t do anything!¡±


    ¡°What did you do then?¡±


    ¡°Damnit!¡±


    My work here is done, Garth thought, jamming the little sack of nice heartstones he¡¯d picked out for himself this morning in his backpack. The chaff he¡¯d buried to grind up and refine later.


    One every four hours for maximum effect, Garth thought, discreetly popping a purple heartstone in his mouth.


    As Alicia argued with her sisters, Garth debated where to take the team today. Half the day was already used up, and the local wildlife was already cleared out.


    Garth glanced up at the mountain range separating them from L.A.


    He was sorely tempted to bring them over the mountain and dig through the city for a few more hidden goodies. Unfortunately, the ruins of L.A. was the place where everybody knew his name, so it was right out.


    That and Grass seemed like he needed a little time to calm down.


    Garth sat and pondered their destination for a while, the conversation drifting in and out of his attention.


    ¡°¡­scrawny looking looking brat like him!¡±


    Actually, there was the Adamantium mine up northwest, in the plateau overlooking L.A.


    With Forestwalk, Garth could get them there and back in a matter of hours.


    They didn¡¯t have weeks to spend diving to the bottom, though.


    That area did have some walls and guard posts that had been installed eight hundred years ago, though, when it had doubled as their coke farm. It might be worth it to check and see if there were any weapons left over in their cellars.


    ¡°You guys interested in a field trip?¡± Garth said, catching their attention.


    Macronomicon


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 Chapter 121 : Treasure Hunt

    Paul sat with his head in his hands in the reading room, ignoring the growling of his stomach, and the aching of his spine. It had been twelve hours since he¡¯d found Carl beaten nearly to death in his own home, his tongue removed. Paul hadn¡¯t eaten a bite, or moved from his chair.


    It had been a warning from Maggie Denton. The entire thing screamed ¡®Keep your mouth shut.¡¯


    The door to the reading room unlatched and Nina crept in.


    ¡°Daddy, he¡¯s awake,¡± she whispered.


    ¡°Good job, Nina,¡± Paul said, creaking as he stood up. ¡°Get yourself a cookie.¡±


    ¡°Oatmeal?¡± she asked with a bit a sour face.


    ¡°It¡¯s that or nothing.¡± Paul said, stretching.


    Nina had already learned not to haggle with him, and instead sprinted for the kitchen, her feet padding on the smooth oak floorboards.


    Paul walked down the stairs to the first floor, cast a glance down the hall where Carla and Lora were putting dinner away for the night, directing Rupert and Canner to fetch them things as they packed them tightly before setting them in a wooden box filled with Icefish extract.


    It made food smell a little fishy after a few days, but it worked a hell of a lot better than hopes and prayers.


    Paul turned to the left, to the guest room across from the children¡¯s bedroom. He opened the door and cast his gaze over the purpling figure laying there.


    Carl was covered in bruises, with seeping bandages all over his body where the beating had broken the surface of his skin.


    And he would never speak again.


    Did you learn to keep your mouth shut?


    Half a dozen flippant remarks bubbled up and died in his throat, unable to speak in the face of his lieutenant¡¯s misery.


    Carl¡¯s brown eyes followed him as Paul pulled up a chair and sat beside him, staring back at the fat man in his guest room.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get them back. They¡¯ll forget about it in a matter of days, but I won¡¯t. One way or another, I¡¯ll tear the whole family down.¡±


    Carl glanced to the end table beside the bed, where a paper covered with scratchy words and a stick of charcoal rested.


    Paul grabbed the pad and brought it over to Carl, putting the charcoal in the man¡¯s swelling fingers.


    Carl groaned as he shifted his hand to write. Once he was done, Paul looked at the paper.


    WE


    Carl grinned a gaptoothed grin.


    ¡°Alright. We will tear the whole family down.¡±


    Paul reached into his pocket and pulled out a rather large bottle of white fluid. ¡°I shook down Gregor for some poppy milk. Ask Lora or Carla to dose it out for you.¡±


    Paul held his finger up to the side of the bottle, just below the fill line. ¡°Sleep easy.¡±


    He slid his finger down further. ¡°Sleep forever. Understand?¡±


    Carl nodded, and Paul poured a bit into a spoon from the end table and put it into the lieutenant¡¯s mouth.


    The stuff tasted awful, but Paul doubted Carl could taste much between the blood and missing most of his tongue. Carl had a few false starts, learning how to drink again without his tongue, but he eventually got it down.


    Paul put the opiates in the drawer of the end table, said his goodbyes and headed to bed, where Lora ambushed him with a ham sandwich and her naked body.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Allow me to learn you kids something about magic.¡±


    Garth stood in front of the group of Dentons, him and his lectern rolling through the grass just ahead of the group of teens hiking up the slope of the mountain.


    ¡°It might surprise you to know that magic is about more than just blowing shit up.¡±


    Garth took a drink of his cool, refreshing lemonade while the Dentons panted, marching up the thirty-degree slope towards the plateau. If Garth¡¯s internal map was correct, they were pretty close to where Carnifax had devoured a swordfish a few hours before.


    Not that that meant much. The thing could be halfway across the country by now.


    ¡°Magic is about changing the rules of engagement. It¡¯s about rewriting reality into something more advantageous to you.¡±


    Garth tapped his temple. ¡°First rule. Never stop thinking. What tools do you have at your disposal, what tools do they have at their disposal? How can you best turn the situation to your advantage?¡±


    ¡°Kinda sounds like regular fighting.¡± Kyle said, following the path Garth had started.


    ¡°Shaddap. The key difference is, once you¡¯ve straight up shot a ball of fire at someone, you¡¯ve basically given up seeking advantage and stepped up to the endgame, often prematurely.¡±


    ¡°I personally prefer utility wizards,¡± Garth said, turning the lectern aside and laying down in the comfy grass, carried ahead of them by Forestwalk running on a simple construct in his mind. His power was starting to come back, and Garth loved it.


    ¡°It¡¯s always seemed to me, that a dozen useful spells have always outweighed being able to make things go boom once or twice.¡±


    Kyle glanced back at the rest of the party, who were trodding along behind them.


    ¡°Did you guys already know he was a mage?¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t the tent rolling itself up, or the fact that he could break into the mansion whenever he wanted and pierce whatever he wanted give that away?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°We knew,¡± Benedette sighed.


    ¡°What if someone sees him with us?¡± Kyle hissed.


    ¡°Not a problem,¡± Garth said. ¡°We¡¯re way outside the bounds of the field trip, and besides, if someone does see us, that¡¯s what rohypnol is for.¡±


    Garth peered down at the people marching up the mountain after him. ¡°I¡¯ll go back to pretending to be a helpless bastard taken off the streets as soon as we head back, promise.¡±


    ¡°Helpless??¡± Kyle demanded, then pointed at the scar on his neck, along with the piercings in his nose. ¡°Everyone knows you did this to me!¡±


    ¡°You tried to kill me.¡± Garth said, stretching. ¡°I¡¯m defending myself.¡±


    ¡°How is this ¨C¡°


    ¡°Would you rather die?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°¡­no.¡±


    ¡°Then take your licks and hope you learned your lesson about trying to kill strangers.¡±


    Garth closed his eyes and summoned a floating eye while he pretended to nap, gliding along the grass ahead of them.


    Kyle fingered his crossbow, but Benedette stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, shaking her head silently.


    ¡°How much longer, Edward?¡± Alicia asked. The girl had kept close to the front of the group so she could study the way the mana moved around Garth.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see, according to the book I read, there was a fort just over this ridge, and more dotted all the way around the edge of the plateau. The ones further away from the city are gonna be less likely to be picked clean, but we¡¯ll check the basements real quick, to be sure we¡¯re not missing anything.¡±


    Garth glanced above him. ¡°Maybe fifteen minutes?¡±


    A short time later they had arrived in front of the first dilapidated fort. It had weathered the years fairly well, on account of being solid stone drawn out of the ground by Earth magic specialists.


    The whole thing was covered in weeds, and parts of the walls had crumbled over time, but it was still recognizable as a fort.


    The entrance stood open, its wooden door long since rotted away.


    With a wave of Garth¡¯s hand, the thorny vines choking the entrance moved aside, creating an opening for the five of them ¨C plus bodyguards ¨C to climb through.


    The inside of the fort was a mess. Organic materials had long since rotted away from flagpoles, buckles and hinges, giving the scene a strange, half-constructed, otherworldly quality to it.


    Old growth trees dotted what had once been an open courtyard, where Garth¡¯s military gathered to train and relax between patrols.


    In the corner of the courtyard was a broken wood stove where they had baked pizzas.


    There was broken pottery fragments embedded here and there in the grass where people had broken them in their haste to evacuate.


    Maybe we shouldn¡¯t have come here, Garth thought. He¡¯d imagined it to be like a fun treasure hunt, but knowing exactly which person that carnation-covered porcelain bowl had belonged to was like a punch in the gut.


    I hope old Beth got out okay. There had never been a better Pizza-smith and nicer old lady. Woman had been forged out of iron.


    ¡°You guys know what pizza is?¡±


    ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t we?¡±


    ¡°Good, good. It¡¯s nice to know humanity still has a couple things going for it.¡± Garth glanced around the ruined fort. ¡°Let¡¯s hit the basement before I lose my taste for this place completely. The basement¡¯s going to be pretty cramped, so it¡¯ll just be me and Alicia, since she¡¯s my favorite, everyone else who is not my favorite can check around up here.¡±


    Kyle snorted, but found a place to sit, while Alicia narrowed her eyes and followed him into the dark of the fort, shaking her head.


    They crept down the musty stone stairs located in the corner of the building, Garth holding a summoned torch out in front of them.


    ¡°Be on the lookout for goblins.¡± She whispered as they snuck downward. ¡°This is a perfect den for them.¡± Garth didn¡¯t see anything with his enhanced eyes, but he listened carefully as they entered the storage room.


    Nothing.


    The four hundred square feet of low ceilings had been picked clean, with nothing but the occasional scrap of wood or cloth on the floor.


    ¡°Well, bummer,¡± Garth was hoping that at least the barrels of weaponized seeds might still be around. He didn¡¯t hold out much hope for the men¡¯s salary or any magic items but the seeds didn¡¯t seem like the sort of thing people would steal.


    ¡°You sound disappointed we¡¯re not being attacked by rabid green men.¡± She whispered back.


    ¡°Place is clean, let¡¯s not spend too much time in one spot. Sun¡¯s already starting to-¡°


    Garth was interrupted by a distant shout.


    ¡°Guys! You¡¯re gonna want to see this!¡±


    Garth and Alicia exchanged a look and she leapt onto the worn stone stairs, getting ahead of him on the way back up and sprinting up the stairs above him.


    Not that Garth minded.


    They made it to the top in a matter of seconds, and Garth scanned the courtyard for the rest of the group, not finding anyone. For a brief second, Garth thought maybe something was terribly wrong, or he¡¯d been led into a trap, but then Benedette¡¯s voice rang through the courtyard again.


    ¡°Over here, in the back!¡±


    He and Alicia followed the voice to the back of the fort, where the wall wrapped around the back of the central tower.


    In the central building, there was a rough hole clawed into the side of the wall, neatly sandwiched against the main wall, making it very difficult to spot from outside. The wall gave way into the barracks.


    Spilling out of the barracks were gold and gems of every shape and size, but that wasn¡¯t the first thing that Garth saw.


    Rib bones big enough to use as oars were scattered around the narrow entrance, and a horned skull lay on its side, draconic teeth half buried in the dirt.


    ¡°A dragon¡¯s lair.¡± Garth breathed.


    ¡°A young one, by the look of it.¡± Susie said, sticking her hand in the eye sockets. ¡°It¡¯s not even bigger than my chest. The corpse is less than a year old, there¡¯s still a bit of brain stuff in the back.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t come anywhere near me, and we¡¯ll be fine, Susie.¡± Benedette said, watching Susie wipe some of the brain tissue off on her pants.


    ¡°How can you think that¡¯s gross when a nice date for you ends with you gargling ¨C¡°


    ¡°Come on!¡± Kyle shouted with a twisted grimace. ¡°Do you really have to have this conversation now? Edward¡¯s idea paid off. Not in the way we thought, but it did. Let¡¯s just pack this stuff up and get this load out of here.¡±


    ¡°We should put Benedette in charge.¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°What, why?¡± Kyle asked.


    ¡°Because, I know a thing or two about getting a load out.¡± Benedette said, grinning at Kyle¡¯s discomfort.


    The three sisters started laughing uproariously as Kyle turned away and stuffed his backpack with gold.


    ¡°Oh my God, let¡¯s just go.¡±


    Garth watched from a distance, an outsider. For a moment as they teased Kyle, they actually kind of resembled a family. Then Garth considered that Kyle had killed several people in cold blood and Benedette was his benefactor. Susie was backing the number two horse, and Alicia wanted to kill all her competition and take control of the entire family.


    ¡°How do people get so fucked up?¡± he whispered to himself, watching the mortal enemies chuckle as they started combing through the pile of treasure.


    Then Garth realized they weren¡¯t waiting around for him to start picking treasure out of the moldy dragon¡¯s den, so he hopped up and got to work.


    ¡°Nope,¡± Garth said, tossing aside a gold coin. ¡°Nope.¡± Gem encrusted goblet. ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°oooh,¡± Shiny status band with possible core pieces inside. Garth nicked that one. The sun was slowly going down as they picked through the treasure: To each however much they could carry.


    So Garth was being very specific, aiming for pure heartstones from the creature¡¯s more powerful prey, and the occasional enchanted item. If he broke enough of them down he might be able to make himself something spiffy.


    He did need some good tools for when he decided to crack open the mythic cores.


    Garth tossed aside a scrap of moldy leather, and came face to face with a silver amulet, it¡¯s straps long since rotted away, and yet the metal hadn¡¯t tarnished a bit, still as bright as the day it had been made.


    An Amulet of Endeavor. The necklace you put on when you were about to say ¡®hold my beer¡¯ and go do something stupid.


    It was the amulet that one could use to garner the attention of the gods and make Apostles.


    It was priceless.


    What the hell is it doing here? Garth glanced around, and caught sight of a pile of bones in the corner of the barracks. Maybe the Apostle hopeful had made it his quest to defeat the young dragon and got his ass eaten.


    Sounds about right.


    Sudden realization bloomed. The gods granted classes through the Class Imprinters. It was a bit like an automated response line. But if someone got their attention with an amulet of Endeavor, it stood to reason you could ask them for a class in person, right?


    Maybe this plain silver amulet is the key to getting Alicia something more interesting than Duelist.


    Garth pocketed the palm-sized silver eye and kept rifling through the junk filling the dilapidated building for another few minutes, until the others were ready to go back to camp.


    They were headed back to the entrance when a gentle breeze passed by, along with a shadow, too quick to make out.


    ¡°Did you see¡­¡± Alicia asked, glancing upward.


    A dragonfly with a head the sized of a small house landed in front of them on a blast of wind that sent dust whirling in every directions.


    ¡°Humans.¡± Came a voice that seemed to rattle the nerves inside their bodies, making everyone¡¯s legs turn to jelly. Except for Garth.


    This is awesome. Garth thought as he studied the massive compound eyes up close. They studied him back.


    ¡°What are you doing in my trap?¡±


    Macronomicon


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    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 122: Sleep Talking

    Garth glanced at the ruins behind him, and the teenagers trying to stand up.


    ¡°Your trap?¡±


    ¡°Yes. This is one of my dragon traps.¡± The massive compound eyes shimmered in front of him, fifteen feet in the air, while tower-shield sized mandibles clacked together in front of him, punctuating Carnifax¡¯s sentence.


    Garth¡¯s bones were stronger than steel, but looking at those huge, sharp plates coming together, Garth was fairly sure this thing could pinch him in half with minimal effort.


    Dragon traps. What do dragons like? Treasure. Perhaps Carnifax was using this place as a lure.


    ¡°Would I be correct in assuming the treasure here was to lure in young dragons?¡±


    ¡°You would.¡±


    Garth glanced at the kids carrying packs.


    Time to bow and scrape and promise anything if it got him out of here alive.


    ¡°We¡¯re deeply sorry for any disrespect. We didn¡¯t realize the treasure already had an owner, and took some. Would it smooth things over a bit, were we to replace what has been taken?¡±


    Carnifax moved faster than Garth could blink, slamming a tree-sized hairy leg in front of him. Right in front of his feet were two foot-long claws, flexing into the soft ground.


    ¡°As you can see, I lack the manual dexterity to do it myself, so that would be most appreciated.¡±


    Garth glanced backwards.


    ¡°You heard him.¡±


    ¡°Her.¡±


    ¡°Her. Go put that stuff back.¡±


    In the meantime, Garth thought, pulling his backpack closer and dumping the contents out into the grass.


    ¡°May I buy these things from you?¡± Garth asked as the teens and their bodyguards retreated back into the fort. ¡°You seem to have been around long enough to know that trade often benefits both parties.¡±


    Carnifax watched him with the stillness of an insect. Debating.


    ¡°What can you offer?¡±


    ¡°Goods and services.¡± Garth said. ¡°If your only use for this treasure is luring dragons, I can simply exchange these baubles for gold at a two to one ratio.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± Garth held up his hand, ¡°If you perhaps need infrastructure built, such as shelter big enough for you, or perhaps a gold windmill to spread the smell of gold on the wind that much better.¡±


    ¡°How do dragons sense gold anyway?¡± Garth mused to himself.


    ¡°sight and smell work well.¡± Carnifax spoke. ¡°Yes, a gold, glittering lure that moves by itself and puts its scent in the wind. I see possibilities.¡±


    ¡°But.¡± Carnifax interrupted her own musing with a clack.


    ¡°What guarantee have I that you will follow through with your side of the deal with a monster? Do you have¡­what is it called¡­permission from the ruler monkeys to build here?¡±


    ¡°Been around the block a couple times, huh?¡±


    ¡°A couple.¡±


    ¡°Then it might interest you to know that the Bergstrom family, which I represent, owns the rights to the lands west of the city.¡± Garth pointed toward the outpost to the east. ¡°I could build anywhere in this forested mountain range with minimal red tape.¡±


    ¡°Seems a terrible coincidence, you owning these lands.¡±


    ¡°It does, huh?¡± Garth said. ¡°How about I trade you gold for this?¡± Garth said picking up the amulet. ¡°Then come back with more representatives of the Bergstrom family to verify my claim and discuss taxes?¡±


    ¡°Taxes?¡± the voice sounded almost amused.


    ¡°I don¡¯t see why not. If we go ahead and industrialize your dragon hunting scheme we could quadruple your dragon meat income, and all this would be done on Bergstrom land, with Bergstrom infrastructure. I would think a tax of say¡­ one quarter of the meat and Heartstones you catch on our land would be reasonable.¡±


    Carnifax¡¯s massive claws tapped the pile of heartstones in front of Garth. ¡°Yes, I can see you like Heartstones, human, more than gold.¡±


    Garth felt her voice sounded a little suspicious, but there was no way to tell with her unblinking, stare and complete lack of expression.


    At that point, the teens took the opportunity to leap from the upper levels of the rear of the fort, their backpacks laden with gold as they used their superhuman strength to clear the wall. The two watched them fly through the air, flailing their arms as they dropped down on the other side. A moment later they disappeared into the forest, their retreat covered by the thick woods.


    Carnifax¡¯s huge head tilted back toward Garth, and he didn¡¯t know whether she was going to eat him or not. Insect body language was hard.


    ¡°I could kill you now¡­but it seems as if I have already paid for your services.¡± Carnifax said, laying a claw over Garth¡¯s pile of way-more-valuable-than-gold loot.


    Fucking kids.


    A massive, hairy leg settled in front of him.


    ¡°Grab on, I wish to show you where you will be working. Impress me.¡±


    Garth muscled down revulsion and got a foothold on some of the enormous hairs, whisking the amulet back into his pocket moments before Carnifax leapt into the air, flying at speeds that forced Garth to put a Force Shield in front of his face. Land, red-tinted by the evening sun, slid away under him, and in a matter of minutes, he was far away from the mountain and beyond another.


    Finally, Carnifax went into her descent, a gut-wrenching fall only slightly better than terminal velocity.


    The impact with the ground shook Garth loose, and he fell into roughly three feet of water, gasping as he resurfaced.


    ¡°I want this pond three times my length, radius. And I¡¯m not asking much¡­maybe fifteen feet deep, so my tail can get a good soak.¡±


    Garth came to his feet, spitting out pond water. He glanced around. The pond was ten feet around, and shallow enough to stand in. He surveyed the land, spotting the marshy, non-river that fed into it.


    ¡°I¡¯m not gonna lie, this is gonna take a lot of man-hours, I¡¯m probably going to have to hire a lot of independent contractors to redirect and upgrade the flow of water while the others dig your pond out. Could take months.¡±


    ¡°You have until nightfall. All right, wizard, show me what you can do.¡±


    Garth paused, glancing up at the giant dragonfly. ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°I have very good eyes.¡± Carnifax said, leaning close. Putting her nightmarishly large mandibles inches away from Garth, dominating his vision. ¡°I can see the amateurish weave of mana over your skin. I can see the lump in your pocket where you used telekinesis to filch the Amulet of Endeavor. I. See. Everything.¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± Garth said, rolling up his sleeves. ¡°You¡¯ll get your damn pond.¡±


    ¡°Excellent.¡±


    By the time Garth dragged himself back to the camp, night had long since fallen, and he was utterly exhausted from reshaping a pond to Carnifax¡¯s liking, along with a lily pad big enough to support her.


    And all he had to show for it was the amulet he¡¯d been forced to beg and do extra work for.


    He felt like the kid stuck washing dishes when all his friends bailed on the tab.


    When Garth entered the circle of firelight, the four Dentons looked up from sorting their ill-gotten loot.


    ¡°Hey, I told you he was alive,¡± Kyle said. ¡°Pay up.¡± Susie and Alicia sighed and started digging out gold coins from their backpacks.


    ¡°Nope,¡± Garth said, directing mana to tuck all the gold and jewels back into their backpacks.


    ¡°Mine.¡± Garth picked up a backpack.


    ¡°Mine,¡± Garth said, plucking another out of loose fingers.


    ¡°Mine. Aaand¡­mine.¡±


    ¡°Hey, that¡¯s-¡±


    Garth turned and growled in Benedette¡¯s face, using Clarion Call to convey the depth of his irritation with them. The blonde girl backed away from him, paling in the firelight.


    ¡°You ditched me, and I had to pay Carnifax back for everything you stole. Ergo, it¡¯s mine.¡± Garth carried the four gold-laden backpacks to his tent, grumbling as the canvas snagged on the heavy bags.


    He crawled inside, stacked the backpacks along the side of his tent, pulled his blanket up around himself, and passed out.


    ***Alicia***


    The four Dentons sat around the campfire, making battle plans now that the heir to the family that they were in a blood feud with had gone to sleep.


    ¡°I think we¡¯ve long since established that that is no bastard son of the Bergstroms.¡± Kyle said, peeling bits of bark off his stick and throwing it into the fire.


    ¡°Obviously.¡± Benedette said.


    ¡°The question is what to do about him?¡± Susie asked. ¡°If he can walk all over us, we should just kill him.¡±


    Kyle hefted his heavy steel crossbow. ¡°Pretty sure this would work. Five hundred and fifty pound draw.¡± He pulled a special silvery bolt out of his quiver. ¡°And a lead-filled adamantium bolt for good measure. He might be tough, but this would kill a royal, and is therefore incredibly illegal.¡±


    ¡°Not until Aunt Maggie gives us the go-ahead.¡± Benedette said.


    ¡°¡°I could go over there and put him out of our misery right now. He looked exhausted. You heard what he did to Aunt Maggie.¡± Kyle said, glancing over his shoulder.


    ¡°From him. We don¡¯t move at his say-so, do we?¡±


    ¡°¡¯Got a point.¡± Kyle sighed, twirling the heavy, armor-piercing bolt around his finger before sliding it back into his quiver.


    ¡°What about you, Al?¡± Benedette asked. ¡°We haven¡¯t heard much from you. Any insight?¡±


    ¡°I think he¡¯s older than he lets on.¡± Alicia said, making herself another S¡¯more. ¡°And using magic to change his appearance.¡±


    ¡°What gave you that idea?¡± Kyle asked, glancing over at her.


    What gave her the idea was the regularity of his skin. Most people¡¯s skin seemed to have random flickers of mana, but Edward¡¯s skin, flickered in a recognizable pattern. She¡¯d had to stare at it for half an hour as they were marching up the size of the mountain, narrowing her vision to the left side of his face, but she¡¯d spotted a pattern to the flickers.


    Alicia had compared it to her skin and her sibling¡¯s, and normal skin doesn¡¯t have a pattern.


    She couldn¡¯t tell them that, though.


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t act like a teen.¡± She said finally.


    ¡°He acts like a loon.¡± Susie said.


    Kyle held out a hand to quiet Susie, brows furrowed. ¡°Go on.¡±


    ¡°Well, you heard his speech about just getting out of prison, right? The wife and kids?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that was a terrible lie. He¡¯s¡­way¡­too¡­young.¡± Benedette smacked herself on the forehead.


    ¡°So if his appearance is the lie, more pieces fit the puzzle. Any ideas on what he wants, or who he really is?¡± Kyle asked.


    ¡°Just his class, that he can do magic, and that he was locked away for a long time. Long enough for his life to fall apart without him.¡±


    ¡°Any Royals spend any time in prison recently?¡± Kyle asked.


    ¡°Would they tell us?¡± Susie shot back.


    ¡°So he¡¯s older, and emotionally unstable.¡± Benedette said, tapping her fingers on her knee. ¡°He¡¯s looking for companionship, not to show off like we thought. He¡¯s just so used to using his powers that he comes off as grandiose. I can handle that.¡±


    ¡°mmn, so he feels entitled to his powers. That screams Royal to me.¡± Susie said.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know about that.¡± Alicia said. ¡°It¡¯s hard to define, but it seems like he hates the Royals, and everything they stand for. He talks about the way the world is now, like he was around to see it before. He defaced the tapestry in the academy.¡±


    Alicia was also confident that he arranged the entire field trip to supply himself with heartstones, and that meant he had set hooks deep into the faculty. Terrifyingly deep. Maybe the only reason we¡¯re able to think for ourselves is because he views us as children.


    What invisible barrier stopped him from doing to her whatever he¡¯d done to the faculty? Alicia considered the sheer power at his disposal and a trill of fear shot through her. Fear and a little bit of something warmer. Alicia frowned as she took a moment to identify the sensation: Desire. Is it desire for him, or the power he wields?


    Alicia cringed a bit internally. Maybe a bit of both?


    ¡°He¡¯s the one who did that?¡± Kyle asked. ¡°Put the little crown on Garth?¡±


    Alicia shrugged. She didn¡¯t know exactly what the significance was there either. Perhaps there was a lineage of royals descended from Garth rather than Jim?


    ¡°You can be a Royal and hate the Royal family,¡± Susie said with a shrug. ¡°If ours is any indication.¡±


    ¡°Hah.¡± Kyle poked the fire with a stick. ¡°So, our best guess is that he¡¯s a Royal hiding from the rest, sporting some kind of grudge.¡±


    ¡°I can work with that,¡± Benedette said with a smile.


    ¡°We¡¯ll revise our strategies according to what we¡¯ve learned,¡± Susie said, ¡°In the meantime, I suggest we hold off on the Succession until the outside threat has been dealt with.¡±


    ¡°Agreed.¡± Alicia lied.


    ¡°Sounds good to me,¡± Kyle lied.


    ¡°That would be for the best.¡± Benedette agreed with no intention of following through.


    They all knew the others were lying.


    The conversation wound down over the next half hour, and they each said their good-nights, retiring to their individual tents. Alicia stayed up until the other three had retired, eying her tent from a distance.


    If Kyle were to try anything, it would be tonight, when their bodyguards were at their most exhausted, and they could see the end of their shift coming.


    Not sleeping in there. Her solitary tent was across from Kyle¡¯s but she knew that sleeping there would get her killed. Something about the way he had deliberately not sent her any spite over the course of this camping trip, acting like the amiable brother, had sent chills down her spine. She knew he was planning something, and tonight was the last night. He was going to try to kill her.


    Alicia went into her tent, and slid out of her clothes, making a bundle inside her bedroll and allowing her pants to peek out the door of the tent. She took her boots and Guile and set them up against the side of the tent, where they cast an obvious shadow.


    Alicia never went anywhere without her sword.


    She waited twenty minutes, until all was silent, before silently sneaking out of the back of her tent, crawling through the grass with nothing on but the blade strapped to her forearm. The green blades tickled across her entire body as she quietly circled around to Edward¡¯s tent and slid through a gap in the fabric.


    Edward was snoring, spooning their bags of treasure, dead to the world, when her hips caught on the gap and ripped the fabric of the tent. It wasn¡¯t a loud sound, by any means, but it was enough to wake up the Phytomancer.


    ¡°Sandi, Wha-¡±


    With a burst of silent speed, Alicia got the rest of the way into the tent, spun around and put the mage in a headlock and pressed a hand over his mouth.


    ¡°Quiet.¡± She whispered, nearly inaudible. ¡°Can you be quiet?¡±


    He nodded solemnly, her elbow around his jugular.


    She slowly peeled her hand off his mouth.


    ¡°I appreciate the offer Alicia, but I already sai-¡°


    ¡°Shut up,¡± she whispered.


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Can you make it safe to sleep in here? Prevent anyone from coming inside the tent or getting through the walls? Make it invisible or forgettable or something?¡±


    Edward blinked at her a few times, his gaze rapidly shaking off the stupor of sleep.


    ¡°Oh, umm¡­sure.¡± He whispered, and motioned with his hand. In front of her eyes, an odd latticework of tiny clear roots sprang out of thin air, coating the inside of the tent with a watery sheen.


    They grew over the door to the tent and the gap she¡¯d squirmed through.


    ¡°That¡¯s it?¡± She asked, studying the shiny pebbled surface. It didn¡¯t look like it could resist a strong wind.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Edward said. ¡°That¡¯ll stand up to a mortar assault, so if you¡¯ll excuse me¡­¡±


    He turned back over and fell asleep.


    Alicia didn¡¯t know exactly what a mortar assault was, but anything with the word assault was likely to be extreme.


    Alicia scooted in beside him, and tugged on the covers until he grudgingly gave her a share, before settling down and trying to relax long enough to fall asleep.


    The crunch of dirt under boots woke her, causing her to sit up and listen as someone stalked away from the tent to her left. Her tent. Alicia tried to open the tent flap, but the strange clear substance lining the inside was harder than stone, so she couldn¡¯t get a look at them.


    Alicia laid back down. She had most likely survived another day, but she couldn¡¯t get complacent.


    That was when Edward turned over in his sleep and threw an arm and leg over her.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna write this down.¡± He murmured beside her ear. ¡°I know, but I gotta try.¡±


    Alicia furrowed her brows as the man started whispering alchemical ingredients and quantities into her ear while his forearm rested on her breasts.


    He smells nice. Why did I never notice that before? Alicia thought as she tried to memorize his odd list. It might be worth it to listen to him in his sleep more often.


    It vaguely occurred to her how that might be accomplished.


    Depends on how useful he is, I guess.


    A short while later, he stopped speaking, his dreams moving on to less interesting subjects, and Alicia didn¡¯t hear any more movement outside the tents, so she allowed herself to fall back asleep.


    ***Garth***


    Garth was playing strip golf with Beladia and aiming for a hole in one, when a shrill scream and a vicious impact burst through Garth¡¯s pleasant dreams, and his eyes flew open.


    Naked and straddling him, Alicia was shouting at him with her arm raised, her short black hair forming a curtain around her alarmed face. Flickering shadows played across the outside of the tent, and he smelled burning meat.


    ¡°Open the tent, or we¡¯re gonna die!¡±


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 Chapter 123: The Fire

    ¡°What¡¯s-¡° Garth inhaled a lungful of smoke as he sat up, forcing him into a fit of coughing.


    ¡°Forest fire!¡± Alicia shouted. ¡°Open the tent!¡±


    Garth nodded, eyes watering, and the plastic-like membrane dissolved into ash as he unraveled it.


    Alicia turned and lunged through the tent-flap, dragging Garth by his collar.


    Garth patted his vest pockets where the amulet and the illusion chip rested, making sure he was properly skinned for the outing.


    Speaking of skin.


    All around him was a stampede of hundreds of girls wearing nothing more than thongs. Some of them wore even less, as demonstrated by Alicia.


    Garth didn¡¯t have time to dwell on it, as the heat from the blaze pressed in from the direction they came from, making the side of his face tingle. Probably a lot more painful to them. Garth could never forget he dialed his pain receptors down, or else he¡¯d start accidently hurting people.


    The forest blazed to the west, the fires leaping up into the sky, cutting off his view of the mountain his phylactery hid behind.


    ¡°Stop gawking and run!¡±


    Garth didn¡¯t have any more time to think about it, as Alicia came back from her tent with her rapier, grabbed his hand again and tugged him forward with superhuman strength, forcing him to stumble along behind her. Garth glanced around, and saw the noble heirs using their enhanced physiques to escape the blaze with inhuman proficiency, some even jumping from tree to tree.


    How could a fire have snuck up on people like this?


    Short answer: It couldn¡¯t have.


    A fire in a subtropical forest where it had been lush and green the night before? I call Shenanigans.


    Someone had to have set the fire. Several someones, in fact, as one person can¡¯t make an instant forest fire by themselves.


    That meant a group. And a group has a unifying purpose. And their unifying purpose was¡­Probably not good.


    Is this the work of those amateurs I¡¯ve been dodging all weekend?


    If that was the case, running away from the fire might not be the best idea.


    Garth glanced forward, where Alicia¡¯s rounded bottom was bouncing in front of him, sprinting along while dragging him ahead.


    ¡°Hold on, hold on!¡± Garth shouted, pulling his hand out of hers.


    ¡°What?¡± She demanded, spinning on him.


    ¡°I gotta see something!¡±


    Garth jumped five feet up into a nearby tree, grabbed a couple branches and hauled himself up another five, feeling like a spider monkey as he reveled in his powerful body.


    Garth didn¡¯t think anyone would notice a tree getting a bit bigger in the middle of the mass naked exodus, so he compelled it to tower over the rest of the canopy, giving him an excellent view in all directions.


    They were currently situated in a bowl of fire, surrounded in all directions but one, toward the bottom of the slope, where Garth spotted a long blackened slash in the forest that had already been burned and cleared. In the center of that slash was a row of men with torches, standing in front of piles of dry wood, ready to set it alight.


    ¡°Crap.¡±


    ¡°What is it?¡± Alicia asked as she reached the top of the tree. She followed Garth¡¯s gaze and took in the situation in an instant. ¡°Crap.¡±


    Garth briefly considered digging a twelve-foot hole in the ground and filling it with an oxygen supply, where he could ride out the entire fire. Looking down, Garth could make out the stream of bare bottoms and bouncing boobs flowing toward the base of the mountain, where they would meet a toasty death.


    That¡¯s something I don¡¯t need on my conscience, Garth thought, reaching out his hand toward the east and focusing on his Control Weather Evolution.


    I wonder how the evolutions stuck with my soul, but the attributes followed my body. How is Cass so powerful when he switches bodies constantly?


    Questions for another time. For now, Garth directed all of his focus on a narrow, hundred-foot band of woods that hadn¡¯t been lit yet. Garth was going to make an alley they could escape through.


    Clouds formed in a matter of seconds, a rectangle of water vapor totally unnatural in origin swirling above the man with torches.


    Somebody was going to walk away from this with the knowledge that there had been a mage present, but Garth would be damned if his selfish field trip would be responsible for hundreds of dead teens. Some of whom probably didn¡¯t deserve to die.


    Damnit. Garth gritted his teeth and tugged more and more mana from the environment, swirling it together above the unlit pyre.


    Control Weather¡¯s limitations were beginning to show. Since it was an innate evolution he¡¯d gotten from Tanglewood, it didn¡¯t require the same amount of concentration as a spell, but it lacked the flexibility. He could:


    And that was it. He couldn¡¯t change the color of the rain, create a mental construct to direct it for him, give it magical effects, or apply techniques like Recursive Casting or Create Life to it either.


    On the other hand, the energy consumption was low, which was good.


    ¡°Rain.¡± Garth growled from the top of his tower, looking down over the land blanketed in flames and smoke.


    With the crack of thunder, the skies opened up above the men with torches, and a torrent of rain began to soak them and their bundles of sticks.


    Garth watched with satisfaction as they panicked and tried to light the pyres, to no effect.


    ¡°Edward!¡± Alicia shouted in his ear between coughs. ¡°We¡¯re cut off!¡±


    Garth refocused on the flames around them, his temples beginning to give a warning ache as he began to overextend himself. While he had directed the skies to sabotage the ambush at the base of the mountain, the others had left them behind while the bowl of fire had wrapped around them the rest of the way, cutting off their avenue to rejoin the rest of the group.


    A little help, Beladia. Garth thought, using Design Plant on a mote floating above him, his head pounding from mana overuse, and smoke.


    You grow sideways and hollow.


    ¡°You haven¡¯t had sex in the last two days have you!?¡± Garth shouted at Alicia.


    ¡°What??¡±


    ¡°Just checking!¡±


    Garth opened the door to Hyper Fertility just a crack, allowing the mote in his palm to bathe in Beladia¡¯s energy, growing into a crooked, side facing sequoia sapling. Garth threw it down into the flames.


    ¡°Jump!¡± Garth shouted, looking down into the flames beneath them.


    ¡°Are you crazy?¡±


    Garth grinned. ¡°I¡¯m a wizard.¡±


    Garth jumped out of the tree and pulled a column of cold air down from the upper atmosphere, his headache becoming staggeringly intense.


    Garth hit the ground hard, the frigid air blasting away the heat of the flames around him as he staggered and held his head. The cold air wouldn¡¯t keep him safe forever. He felt his foot tingle as the flesh was burned by the embers underfoot.


    Garth pushed himself to his feet as light began to hurt his eyes. Right in front of him, the sequoia sapling was growing into their escape tunnel, rapidly shooting forward hundreds of feet, powered by Beladia¡¯s blessing.


    Garth took a step toward the sideways tree and stumbled, his vision blurring.


    Not a good time to pass out, Garth thought, leaning against the tree as the cold air began to fail, letting the heat crowd in around him. Everything was starting to spin around him, and it all seemed a little bit silly.


    There was a crash beside him as Alicia hit the ground.


    ¡°Ah!¡± She gritted her teeth and bit off a cry of pain as she stood on the burning embers with her bare feet.


    ¡°Where?¡± she demanded.


    Garth put a hand on the sequioa¡¯s massive base, where its trunk had formed a ninety degree angle and jutted out five hundred feet into the blazing forest. Pulling Beladia¡¯s mana out of it, the base of the tree sloughed away to reveal a hollow tunnel leading through the fire.


    ¡°Ta-da~¡± Garth brayed with a smug grin, seconds before Alicia grabbed him by the collar and hauled him into the tree, the two of them dropping to their knees inside, gasping for breath.


    The heat faded, and Garth had a moment to breathe, his mind unscrambling a bit.


    Oxygen deprivation.


    Garth filled the wooden tunnel with oxygen-specialized moss. The two of them took deep breaths, their heads clearing in a matter of moments. Garth¡¯s pounding headache eased a little, at least some of it from smoke inhalation.


    They rose to their feet at the same time, and shared a glance before sprinting down the long, dark, wooden tunnel. Garth made a light above them, so they didn¡¯t trip as the tunnel ever so slowly got narrower.


    After a full minute of sprinting, the tunnel was too narrow to run any longer, and Garth pulled Beladia¡¯s mana out of the wood. The hot air roared in from outside, and Garth grimaced sticking his head outside to check.


    They had managed to sprint through two hundred feet of flaming woods, putting them a solid twenty feet ahead of the blaze that was relentlessly marching forward.


    ¡°We¡¯re good, let¡¯s go!¡± Garth stepped out and grabbed Alicia¡¯s hand, pulling her up and out of the trunk before they both began running away from the fire again.


    Garth put the pedal to the metal, sprinting at full speed toward the safe-ish zone he¡¯d cleared. There were still men there with intent to hurt, but against a bunch of superhuman naked kids? Fair fight.


    Garth paused for an instant to glance behind him, not hearing his companion. He saw Alicia running far behind him at half speed, wincing as she stepped on rocks and twigs with her burned feet.


    He couldn¡¯t tell in the tunnel since they¡¯d been going a little slower, but Alicia was barely keeping ahead of the fire, now.


    Garth ran back to Alicia


    ¡°Just keep going!¡± she said, waving him off and using her sword as a cane.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± Garth said, charging forward low, and scooping her off her feet and onto his shoulder in a viking-carry before spinning around and running for it.


    Garth¡¯s current teen body didn¡¯t really have the shoulders for the Viking carry, so it was a bit of a struggle to keep the girl¡¯s wide bottom balanced as he ran, too busy jumping over fallen trees and dodging around lumps of fire to appreciate the soft hip pressed against his cheek.


    She wasn¡¯t particularly heavy though, so they made good time, regrouping with the slower students in a matter of moments before they broke out into the area that had already been burned so that the saboteurs would have time to run away.


    Garth reveled in the blessedly cool rain that was still pouring down as he scrambled over a massive stack of partially scorched tree trunks alongside dozens of other soaked students.


    Garth flopped to the ground with a panting gasp, dropping Alicia¡¯s bottom into the ash-y muck, where she sent up a wave of mud with a yelp of surprise.


    ¡°My god, I need more exercise.¡± Garth said, panting on his hands and knees as he surveyed the situation.


    Most of the men with torches were scattered around the clearing, unblinking eyes staring into the air where they had been cut down by the faculty. They wore tattered homespun and had thin arms and hollow cheeks that spoke of weeks without food. Bleeding gums and loose teeth from malnutrition.


    Peasants.


    Most of them had stood and fought when their plan had fallen apart, a few running away to be hunted down by the teachers and bodyguards in the woods. That meant there hadn¡¯t been a strong, smart leader who could have told them all to bail as soon as the sky started pissing all over their master plan.


    What was their plan? Garth thought, eying the last of the starving men being executed by the superhuman noble instructors. They fought with blind rage, and were struck down methodically. Vengeance?


    Garth¡¯s heart panged as he realized he had simply traded the lives he knew for those of strangers. He shook it off, rationalizing: They might have had a good reason to do what they did, but they put us in a position where it was us or them. They made the choice for someone to die here.


    Garth flopped onto his back and stared into the blaze just beyond the burned stretch of forest, peeking back at him through the charred trees from where it busily consumed any evidence he had used magic.


    Once again, fire was helping him out.


    Garth found himself chuckling as the rain soaked him to the bone and Alicia nursed her burned feet.


    ¡°All this time you noble spawn were trying to kill me with piss-ant traps, and a bunch of peasants almost do it with a little bit of fire.¡±


    He glanced at Alicia, who met his gaze. ¡°Too bad I think Hastia has a crush on me. Probably shouldn¡¯t scorn her a third time.¡±


    Garth glanced around at the other students and their bodyguards watching the forest fire in a daze, put his finger to his lips, signaling for Alicia to keep silent, and reached out to touch her feet.


    Heal.


    The shiny red burns faded back to normal skin in seconds, and she sighed in relief, leaning back in the steaming muck. A moment later she seemed to realize something and directed a piercing gaze at him.


    ¡°Give me your clothes.¡±


    ¡°Take it easy, T-one thousand.¡± Garth said, unbuttoning his vest and palming the core slice that kept him looking normal.


    Come to think of it, there had to be plants that were skin colored, right? He could just change his natural pigmentation and not have to worry about it. That would be small potatoes compared to everything else he¡¯d changed. Unless Beladia was stubborn about him being in her colors.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think the pants will fit you,¡± Garth said wryly, handing her his undershirt.


    Alicia narrowed her eyes and was busily shrugging into his soaked shirt when Benedette arrived, looking panicked.


    ¡°Have you seen Susie?¡±


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 Chapter 124: The Exodus

    Alicia¡¯s eyes widened and she cast a quick look around the charred woods.


    ¡°No, I haven¡¯t.¡±


    The sisters shared a quick look. ¡°Did you get the north already?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Double check it for me, I might have missed her.¡± Benedette said. The two of them glanced at Garth.


    ¡°I don¡¯t mean to sound callus,¡± Garth said, flopping back down into the mud, ¡°But surviving that took it out of me, I¡¯m tired, and my head feels like it¡¯s being put through a wood splitter. Let me know how it goes.¡±


    Alicia and Benedette split up, calling Susie¡¯s name as they searched the mud filled waste of burnt trees and stacked wood. It was reminiscent of a world war one battlefield Garth had seen in a black and white photograph before.


    If the girls couldn¡¯t find Susie, once he had enough rest, he could use Scry on her, to at least be able to tell them if their sister was alive or dead.


    Garth found a log to rest his body against and fluffed it a little before reclining in the slackening rain, staring up at the rectangular clouds being disrupted by the massive column of smoke.


    It probably wasn¡¯t going to be safe to rest here for much longer.


    Garth closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, easing the pain of overworking his brain through Cass¡¯s proprietary meditating techniques.


    Garth was methodically fixing the drain on his system and stretching his mental muscles when someone called out nearby.


    ¡°Edward.¡±


    Probably some other Edward.


    ¡°Edward.¡±


    She sounds a little pissed. I pity the fool.


    ¡°Edward!¡± A hand roughly shook Garth¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°Ack, what?¡± Garth shouted, his eyes opening to see Alicia and Benedette supporting Susie.


    The girl was in bad shape: Half her scalp was covered in burns, one eye seemed to be swollen shut, burns traveled all the way down her shoulder to her back, hips, and legs. She was in so much pain that she was shivering, her pupils were dilated until her eyes were completely black. Needless to say she was missing most of her hair.


    ¡°Fix her.¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± Garth said, glancing around at the couple hundred other students who were composing themselves. In a few minutes they¡¯d probably start the miserable, half naked march back to the city.


    There were way too many people who¡¯d seen Susie¡¯s extensive burns, and if Garth healed her now, that was it, he was done. He¡¯d gotten away with doing it to Alicia because the burns were limited to the soles of her feet, and no one had really gotten a good look at them.


    ¡°No. There¡¯s too many witnesses.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Fix her!¡± Alicia shouted, drawing the attention of many of the nearby teens, who looked on curiously.


    ¡°He¡¯s right,¡± Susie whispered through her chattering teeth. ¡°We can¡¯t¡­let anyone know.¡±


    ¡°Is there anything you can do for her?¡± Benedette pleaded.


    There were plenty of things Garth could do for her, and Alicia¡¯s desperate look struck him right in the softest part of his tough fa?ade. Damnit.


    ¡°You Dentons are sucking me dry.¡± Garth grumbled, reaching into his left-hand vest pocket. ¡°And not in the fun way, either.¡±


    Garth manifested some stripped aloe leaves that also produced cocaine.


    ¡°Oh, would you look at that,¡± Garth murmured, pulling out the clear gel slabs from his pocket. ¡°I just so happened to have something for burns and pain.¡± Plausible deniability.


    ¡°Rub these on the burns, and she¡¯ll feel better. It¡¯ll help with healing too.¡±


    Alicia and Benedette snatched the leaves out of his hand and began coating Susie with the clear liquid.


    Susie flinched and moaned in pain as they started, but gradually began to relax as the drugs kicked in.


    ¡°So where¡¯s Kyle?¡± Garth asked with his hands in his pockets, glancing around. He didn¡¯t see any Garthspawn either. Maybe Grass had gotten the hang of it¡­


    ¡°I think he might be on the other side of the fire.¡± Benedette said, glancing toward the mountain. ¡°He went out last night-¡°


    ¡°To kill me.¡± Alicia chimed in.


    ¡°Allegedly. I think he may have been outside the camp when the fire started.¡± Benedette said, holding out Susie¡¯s arm and gently covering it in Garth¡¯s patented Aloe-cocaine mix.


    ¡°Ah well, if you guys aren¡¯t worried, then I¡¯m not worried.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°We¡¯re not.¡± Alicia and Benedette said as one.


    ¡°Speaking of being worried, are all your bodyguards accounted for?¡± Garth asked.


    They gave him an odd look, as if he had asked him to check and see if the sky was still blue.


    ¡°Womb?¡± Alicia called out. ¡°Doll? Breeder?¡± There was no response.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to have to have a discussion with your elders about how you name Garthspawn in the future.¡± Garth said. ¡°Don¡¯t you think if they had still been around, they would have found Susie before you?¡±


    Alicia¡¯s eyes widened, and she looked around at the students. There wasn¡¯t a single Garthspawn in attendance, when there had been maybe one for every three noble heirs, about a hundred of them, give or take.


    And they couldn¡¯t all be invisible at the moment, either. Not after an exhausting trial like that.


    Garth glanced at the mountain. Looks like the plan with Grass is coming along nicely. Garth patted the Amulet of Endeavor in his right-hand pocket. Maybe I should let him wear it.


    Getting Grass a class would be a pain in the ass, but the benefit would be vast once the effort was past. Heh.


    Still don¡¯t know if that¡¯s possible, though, Garth thought, as he watched the Headmaster stalk through the haggard ranks of the students, getting everyone ready to march.


    ¡°You,¡± Gloria barked at a rather large young man. ¡°You look brawny, go over there and carry a stretcher. Your nursemaids aren¡¯t here to do it for you.¡± She pointed at where students were lashing together trees to make simple stretchers to carry the injured. ¡°You, you and you, join him.¡±


    She glanced over and saw the Dentons, marching toward them with focus.


    ¡°Get her to one of the stretchers.¡± She pointed toward them with a scowl, prompting the girls to drag themselves to their feet and carry Susie over there.


    Once the girls were gone, her gaze returned to Garth. ¡°And as for you¡­¡± Her expression melted.


    ¡°Are you all right?¡± Gloria asked, seizing his face with both of her hands. ¡°You didn¡¯t get burned anywhere did you?¡± She started peeling his vest off like an overanxious mother.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine, I¡¯m fine. I just ¨C whoah!¡± Garth slapped her hand away when she started peering down his pants.


    ¡°I¡¯m completely fine, okay? I just have a bit of a headache, and this isn¡¯t-¡°


    ¡°A headache?¡± she demanded, peering into his eyes with the desperation of a starving woman. ¡°That could be serious damage from smoke inhalation! Get on one of the stretchers!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, I-¡°


    ¡°Right now, young man!¡± She said, pulling rank on him.


    In a matter of minutes, Garth was lying on a stretcher beside Susie.


    ¡°So what are you in for?¡± Susie asked. The girl was a lot more chipper now that the cocaine was numbing her nerves and getting her blood pumping again.


    ¡°Headache.¡± Garth said, folding his hands behind his head as they picked up their stretchers and began carrying them toward civilization in a neat double line.


    ¡°That must be awful.¡± She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.


    ¡°Wasn¡¯t my idea.¡±


    Garth closed his eyes and blocked out the distractions around him, focusing on weaving the spell from space mana, maintaining a steady idea of Grass as he did so, giving the spell a target.


    Scry


    Garth was a quarter mile in the air, looking down into the valley where Grass and Mrs. Banyan made their home. He could see Grass, a huge swath of grass and bamboo that covered the entirety of L.A., and a school of Swordfish swimming through the air above him.


    Garth tried to mentally zoom in, but the spell kept sliding out of his control, denying him the ability to see in more detail what was happening on the other side of the mountain, where he suspected the Garthspawn might have disappeared to.


    If Grass had found a way to call them home.


    ¡°Need more control.¡± Garth murmured, opening his eyes. It didn¡¯t help that he didn¡¯t have anything to focus the spell with like a mirror or a pool of water.


    Garth closed his eyes again and relaxed, letting himself be carried through the forest.


    When the train of students broke out of the woods, the excited voices of teenagers cut through Garth¡¯s thoughts, grabbing his attention.


    He sat up and twisted to glance over his shoulder, spotting an army five thousand strong, flying the banners of the city.


    ¡°That was fast,¡± Garth said, lying back down and focusing on looking as sick as possible.


    Be cool, they¡¯re probably a relief force sent to aid the academy when they saw the forest fire.


    ¡°Students! Do not move!¡± Came a voice along with the clopping of hooves as a rider went by them. ¡°We¡¯re here to find a traitor!¡±


    Or not, Garth thought, staring up at the blue sky. At least it¡¯s not me.


    ¡°Which one of you is Edward Bergstrom?¡±


    Fuck.


    Garth sighed and raised his hand.


    ***The Exodus***


    Once Lora was sure her husband was fed, she helped him sleep in the best way she knew of. She knew he was afraid of having a Garthspawn, and so she recently had found other, equally pleasurable ways of satisfying him, even if it was only to make him feel better for a while longer.


    Once Paul was tucked into their bed, lightly snoring, she studied his face for a few minutes.


    She never had thought she could be so in love with someone.


    Raised for sixteen years from the time she¡¯d been given to the state, taught that her only worth lie in producing heirs for nobles, she¡¯d dreaded the day she was put up for auction.


    Then the day came, and she and her sisters had been paraded past hundreds of older men throughout the day, eyed critically before being casually dismissed. She didn¡¯t know what was more humiliating, being shown off and handled impersonally like an animal, or them having no interest in her. Until one of them had been unable to take his eyes off of her.


    It had sent shivers of dread down her spine, that man¡¯s focused gaze. In a day, she had been taken from her former life and abruptly dropped in a stranger¡¯s home. A handsome, charming, patient stranger who¡¯d won her over with a kindness she¡¯d never expected.


    Lora reached out and booped Paul¡¯s nose, and he grumbled in his sleep, turning over. She felt far luckier than she deserved, because every moment with him was bliss.


    The light of the candle flickered, drawing her attention to her purple skin that marked her as tainted. She could never be his wife because of that damned skin, but without it she¡¯d never have found him.


    She stroked her stomach. She was pregnant again, and this time it felt different. She wasn¡¯t sure how to tell Paul yet, but she thought it might be another Garthspawn. There was some kind of resonance forming inside her that she had never experienced with any of her other children.


    She was afraid to tell Paul, even though she knew the day would come sooner or later. She wanted to put it off at least one more day, unwilling to face that reality.


    Lara blew out the candle and slid under the covers, pressing her generous breasts against his back, curling her legs beneath his, wishing she could feel all of him at once. Being pressed against him made her feel like everything would be okay, even if she knew it wouldn¡¯t be.


    Tucked against her love like that, she fell asleep.


    Lora had a strange dream.


    She dreamed she was walking through the streets at night. Somehow she knew that no one could be allowed to see her, that she had to hide.


    Just like in a dream, strange, surreal things happened. She actually turned invisible!


    Sliding through the damp night with nothing on, and no body to speak of, she felt like a ghost, joining a massive procession of ghosts. Thousands of invisible women just like her. She couldn¡¯t see them, but somehow she knew they were there.


    This procession of ghosts seemed to march through the night as Lora drifted in and out of the dream, first travelling along the desert highway, then through a forest, her senses numb to the pricks of twigs and rocks as she floated ever westward, following the brilliant light of the moon as it sailed through the sky.


    In her dream, the forest around her glittered softly, shivering with delight as thousands of ghosts tickled the moonlit leaves on the way by.


    Time passed without her noticing, and she found herself standing in front of a massive, unmanned gate nestled in the center of a steep valley, held open in front of her. The moon peeked just above it, seemingly winking at her in mirth.


    Inside the gate was a bamboo forest, gently waving at her, ushering her and all the other ghosts in.


    Then she dreamt no more.


    Lora rolled over in bed, inhaling as she woke up. She had to make breakfast with Clara and Rupert for the family.


    Maybe if I sleep in, Paul will make breakfast for me again, she thought guiltily. No, I shouldn¡¯t. She rolled over and smelled her man¡¯s scent in the sheets¡­except it wasn¡¯t there.


    Lora¡¯s eyes shot open, and she sat up, scanning the room she found herself in.


    She was in a soft padded single bed made from homespun wool over a bamboo frame, in a tiny hut built against the side of a tree, barely big enough for the bed, with a single open doorway where the light of dawn streamed in.


    ¡°Good, you¡¯re awake.¡± A voice came from the corner, where a beautiful, naked, brown-skinned woman phased through the tree trunk.


    Lora squawked and flopped out of bed, urging her short legs to spring her towards the doorway.


    Where is Paul, and Clara, Rupert¡­Where are my children??


    ¡°Wait!-¡° her voice faded rapidly as Lora stumbled out into the open, where she saw thousands of other tiny huts, and thousands of other Purple skinned women milling around, many of them looking confused.


    Where am I? Lora thought, craning her neck to examine the strange forest of interweaving bamboo and a strange brown tree that seemed to be interconnected everywhere. The two woods seemed to weave gracefully around each other in a way that almost seemed¡­sexual?


    Forests do not have sex. Lora shook her head at the strange notion that tugged at the edge of her Garthspawn empathy, focusing on the situation at hand, which was finding out what was going on.


    ¡°Excuse me,¡± she said, tapping the shoulder of a nearby Garthspawn, a tall woman with high cheekbones, the kind Lords loved to show off at their parties. ¡°Do you know what¡¯s going on?¡±


    The woman turned, and laughed in Lora¡¯s face. ¡°Your guess is as good as mine. Word going around is we¡¯ve all been called to the green hell, to answer for the sin of being Garthspawn.¡±


    ¡°I can answer any questions you might have.¡± The same brown skinned woman said, stepping out of a nearby trunk.


    Another stepped out of another trunk, and another, and another, until there were just as many brown women as purple.


    In the wave of confusion, the brown woman took Lora and each other Garthspawn aside to speak to each of them privately.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been taken from your home, so I understand if you¡¯re confused.¡±


    ¡°Are my children all right?¡± Lora asked, eliciting a brow raise.


    ¡°Yes, they are fine.¡±


    Lora sighed in relief before refocusing on the woman in front of her, ignoring the occasional raised voices around her.


    ¡°I want to go home.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± She said, a clipboard manifesting out of thin air in her hand. ¡°My name is Mrs. Banyan, and your name is?¡±


    ¡°Lora Tucker.¡±


    ¡°Got it, Lora.¡± She said, scribbling down a note. ¡°And you want to go home because¡­¡±


    ¡°I have a family there and they need their mother, and I need my husband!¡± She shouted, before clapping her hands over her mouth. She wasn¡¯t supposed to call him that.


    ¡°I see.¡± The tree-woman said, scribbling another note. ¡°And would you say your relationship with your owner is¡­good?¡±


    ¡°I love him, and he loves me, because he¡¯s the best man in the whole city. Why are you asking me all these questions? I just want to go home!¡±


    ¡°Tucker¡­Imprint triggered¡­looks healthy¡­sense of self intact¡­¡± Mrs. Banyan pressed a finger into Lora¡¯s stomach. ¡°Well-fed. Happy.¡±


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Lora demanded.


    ¡°Oh this?¡± she asked. ¡°Interviewing every concubine of every noble in the city to expose every secret they have buried, and also decide who can be sent back to their family and who needs to have their owner disappear in the middle of the night. From what I¡¯ve seen and heard so far Mr. Tucker has treated you well enough. If you wish to go back to your family, go to the south side of the city and you¡¯ll be back in your home tomorrow night with no recollection of these events.


    If you wish to have your children moved here, where you can live with all of them in peace outside the influence of the Mississippi Empire, go west, to the beach where the city planning is taking place, and if you have some secret reason to hate your ¡®husband¡¯, you can head north and give me a more detailed report in confidence.¡±


    A half hour later, Lora was standing in the center of the ruined city, holding her stomach as her gaze was torn between the west and the south.


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 6/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 125: No Excuse for Ignorance

    ¡°My name is Richard Lam.¡±


    Garth sat in a hastily constructed tent-office with rich red brocade walls across from a bruiser of an asian man wearing a simple leather breastplate that exposed his leg-thick arms.


    ¡°Do you know why you¡¯re in here?¡± he asked, fingers laced.


    Ah, the first question police ask to allow you to self-incriminate. It was nice to know that some things never really change.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if you knew, but I was living in the slum until I was twelve and then sequestered away for the next four years by the ¨C my family. I don¡¯t know much of anything.¡±


    The huge man sighed and rubbed his temples. ¡°That¡¯s going to be a problem. Look.¡± He pulled out a map of the forest and spread it out over the table.


    ¡°The Bergstroms are responsible for anything that happens in this forest, and what happened was treason. By the faculties count, no less than one hundred and twenty peasants took up arms against the state, along with the ones still haunting the forest, the ones who started the blaze. Someone had to have supplied them with quite a bit of accelerant.¡±


    ¡°And? What do you need me for?¡±


    Richard gave him a dead stare. ¡°The Bergstrom family is responsible. If the architect of recent events isn¡¯t found, It¡¯ll land on your shoulders.¡±


    ¡°Pffff.¡± Garth blew air through his lips and waved dismissively. ¡°I suppose since the entire empire is the emperor¡¯s responsibility, he should be constantly hanging himself.¡±


    Garth leaned forward to meet the man¡¯s gaze. ¡°I hear that¡¯s a great way to get off.¡±


    ¡°Respect your superiors, or you might find out firsthand, boy.¡±


    ¡°Superior, what superior?¡± Garth asked. ¡°As far as I¡¯m aware, I¡¯m a shoe-in for the City Council and you¡­your job has reduced you to pressuring teenagers like a creepy uncle.¡±


    The man across from him clenched his fists tight. ¡°Choose your words carefully, Bergstrom. Your family isn¡¯t exactly in a position for you to be so cavalier.¡±


    ¡°Oh, there goes my lack of manners again,¡± Garth said, admonishing himself. ¡°Raised on the street, you know.¡±


    ¡°So what did you actually want?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Before you shot yourself in the foot with scare tactics?¡±


    Richard watched him appraisingly for a moment before answering. ¡°In light of recent events, we will be launching a full-scale investigation into who supplied and organized the rebels. The Bergstrom¡¯s assistance in this matter would be¡­appreciated.¡±


    ¡°Was that so hard?¡± Garth asked, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, every inch the defiant teen.


    The huge man pulled out a grease pen, his hand dwarfing the writing utensil as he set it on the map.


    ¡°Mark your families logging operations, where the wildling¡¯s passages through the forest are, and if you aware of any places that Prima Regula might shelter, use as meeting grounds, or store supplies, mark them as well.¡±


    Who the hell are the Wildlings and Prima Regula?


    Garth stared down at the map for a minute before looking back up at the expectant man. ¡°I have no idea what you¡¯re talking about. Have you asked my Aunt Brenda?¡±


    ¡°Damn it boy, this is not a game!¡± he roared, coming to his feet.


    ¡°Did you miss the part where I haven¡¯t been outside the city until today? I must have missed the briefing on secret routes through the forest. As far as I know, we don¡¯t really do anything illegal, and that¡¯s why the Bergstrom¡¯s are getting screwed recently. If you are really interested in finding rebels, I¡¯m sure Brenda will help you, but if you¡¯re just looking to sell our information to some other family, I¡¯m afraid you can¡¯t get a word of it out of me.¡±


    The Asian bear relaxed in his seat, studying Garth with his finger on his jaw. ¡°You¡¯re telling me that you¡­the heir to the entire Bergstrom family, have no idea about its business affairs?¡±


    Garth sucked in a breath through his teeth. All he knew about was the Adamantium mine, and never really paid attention to the forest.


    ¡°Why should I care what some puppet threatens?¡± the man murmured to himself.


    I could give you a few reasons, Garth thought.


    ¡°Gah! You¡¯re less than useless. Go join the others.¡± The bear of a man waved him away dismissively before returning his attention to the map.


    ¡°Say, what did you mean when you kept saying ¡®recent¡¯ events? You were talking about the fire, right? Why not say fire?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Get out.¡±


    Garth got out, surprised to find a long line of teens waiting outside the tent for a debrief from the officer. Many of them were pale, having heard the shouting. Alicia and Benedette were included in that line, although they looked somewhat bored.


    Garth glanced around the military camp, where hundreds of men and women were busily making setting up camp and putting together a hastily assembled fence around it.


    I need some modern history. So far Garth hadn¡¯t been gathering enough information, as evidenced by his complete ignorance under questioning.


    Garth had been hesitant to ask anyone about common knowledge, for fear it could give them a hint about his origins, but honestly, it was better to look like an idiot than be ignorant indefinitely.


    ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± His best bet was to get some of the general stuff in bits and pieces here and there, then get specifics from Alicia once he knew enough not to let slip that he was Garth Daniels, Dark Father of Sin. Whoever the fuck that is.


    Why didn¡¯t I just claim to have amnesia? Amnesia is the freaking catch-all! Garth sighed internally. He hadn¡¯t claimed amnesia because he didn¡¯t want to feel like he was a character on Days of our Lives.


    Garth scanned the line of kids and saw a skinny blonde kid with a cheesy mustache, a jaw that seemed to want to hang open, and nasty sunburns on his forehead and shoulders. He seems approachable.


    Garth walked up to him and extended his hand.


    Since I can¡¯t really claim amnesia now, we¡¯re just gonna roll with naivete.


    ¡°Hi, I¡¯m Edward Bergstrom.¡±


    The kid¡¯s jaw closed, and he looked Garth up and down, motionless. ¡°I know.¡±


    ¡°And you are¡­¡±


    ¡°Tad Williams.¡±


    That¡¯s a terrible name. Tad. Jesus, reminds me of high school bullies from the sixties, not slackjawed peach-fuzz teens.


    ¡°So Tad, what does your family do?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re on the council.¡±


    ¡°I mean what¡¯s your business?¡±


    ¡°Why, so you can pretend like you¡¯re interested?¡±


    ¡°Pretty much.¡±


    Tad looked Garth up and down a moment and chuckled. ¡°You should know, you know?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, but I was a little too poor growing up to learn that, more worried about where my next meal was coming from. The last four years have been kind of a blur. My family just let me out of my cage, and they expect me to be a puppet. That¡¯s what¡¯s gonna happen if I don¡¯t take the initiative, you know? So I thought I¡¯d make some friends, figure out what¡¯s going on around me.¡±


    Tad pursed his lips and finally shook Garth¡¯s hand.


    ¡°I saw what you did to Kyle. That was good for a laugh. Keep it up.¡± His eyes drifted away from Garth as he stepped forward in line, apparently forgetting about him.


    ¡°Wait, what does your family do?¡± Garth asked, stepping forward to keep pace.


    ¡°What? Oh, we¡¯re specialty farmers. Yeah,¡± he glanced up as he muttered to himself. ¡°That¡¯s basically it.¡± He then ignored Garth¡¯s follow-up questions until he left him alone.


    Damn, this is harder than I thought.


    Garth approached another boy, and then a girl, both from minor houses dealing with things like farming and infrastructure.


    From what Garth could gather about the Bergstroms, they controlled the forest in name, but several nomadic tribes wandered through it from time to time, and they were more trouble to control than they were worth, so they just let them be.


    Those people were called the Wildlings, and they hunted and sold strange monster ingredients to the Ravenleaf family of alchemists that he hadn¡¯t met yet.


    Sounds like they picked that name from a copy of Harry Potter. Could have just had a sensible name like Roberts, but nooo, they wanted to be special.


    The wildlings were known for using fire and explosives, which is why Mr. Lam was pestering him about their routes.


    Prima Regula were much harder to get information about. The first person he¡¯d asked had turned pale and backed away from him, leaning into the canvas of the tent until it had given way falling into an occupied tent where a squad was eating.


    Rather than get up and apologize, the frightened youth had jumped over their meal and ran out their door, prompting them to start a chase through the camp.


    Garth had decided not to ask anyone else.


    A few minutes later, Garth spotted Alicia tromping out of the interrogator¡¯s tent, badonkadonk bobbling with every step she took, straining the fabric of her pants.


    Damn. Whoever lent her their pants didn¡¯t quite measure up.


    When she turned the corner, Garth shook himself out of his stupor and hustled to catch up, having let her get a rather long lead while he stared.


    Garth managed to catch up to her in just a few seconds, coming along stride her.


    ¡°Hey, Al,¡± Garth began.


    Her eye twitched a bit, but she didn¡¯t correct him.


    ¡°I was gonna ask you for some help, since you¡¯re probably the closest person to me right now.¡±


    She gave him a raised brow. ¡°Physically? Distance-wise? If that¡¯s the case, I could be somewhere else right now.¡±


    ¡°I mean the most invested in keeping secrets with me.¡± Garth said, forming a meaningless swirl of mana in the air and watching her gaze land on it for a second before returning to him.


    ¡°What do you want?¡±


    ¡°I need some no-questions asked modern history and social studies study groups. Me and you.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re getting those at school.¡±


    ¡°Nah, those are boring, he begot her, who begot that jackass, etc.¡± Garth said, waving them off disgustedly. ¡°I¡¯m more interested in the dynamics of the city at large. I need someone to teach me about the nine Council families and what they do, what their alliances are, who they like and dislike. Stuff like that, without asking me any questions about why I¡¯m asking stupid, ignorant questions.¡±


    She stopped in the middle of her stride, crossing her arms and looking at him with an appraising look.


    ¡°That¡¯s valuable information.¡±


    ¡°No it isn¡¯t. It¡¯s common knowledge.¡±


    ¡°Not for you, apparently, and you need it to continue your charade as a Bergstrom. That makes it valuable.¡±


    ¡°Charade, what charade? I am one hundred percent related to the Bergstroms.¡±


    Technically true, albeit probably even more distantly than Alicia herself.


    The beautiful raven-haired girl in front of him rolled her eyes at his protestations. ¡°Teach me magic in exchange.¡±


    Garth glanced around and didn¡¯t see anyone watching.


    ¡°I hardly see how that¡¯s a fair trade,¡± he whispered. ¡°I can get that information from anywhere.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah, and what happens when they start asking questions, Edward Bergstrom?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell them I was raised on the streets.¡±


    ¡°Really? What¡¯s the name of the city?¡± She asked, her arms crossed.


    ¡°Outpost 3502?¡± Garth asked, wincing.


    She stared at him with wide, unbelieving eyes. ¡°Maybe six hundred years ago. It¡¯s Santo Descanso. How do you not know that?¡±


    ¡°Retrograde amnesia?¡± Garth hazarded.


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked, cocking her hips to the side.


    ¡°Damnit, I said no questions, okay?¡±


    ¡°Then teach me magic.¡±


    ¡°One spell.¡± Garth whispered, ¡°Not-¡° he waved his hands in the air vaguely, ¡°magic.¡±


    ¡°One spell per day.¡±


    ¡°One spell per spell you can get the hang of. It could be none, or a hundred, but trust me, you¡¯re gonna have a hard time since you¡¯re not specced for it.¡±


    ¡°Specced?¡±


    ¡°Bonus spells if you learn how to twerk.¡± Garth blurted before his jaw snapped shut, punctuating the sentence with an audible ¡®click¡¯.


    Damn you teen hormones!


    ¡°What¡¯s twerk?¡±


    ¡°Questions again¡­but nevermind that last one. That was my lizard brain talking.¡±


    Good to know Wilson is still alive in spirit. I should really get around to making the clothes-penetrating vision enchantment. In between stirring up a war and toppling an empire.


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll see you after class is out, first day it¡¯s back in session.¡± Alicia said before power-walking away again.


    ¡°Wait up,¡± Garth called, trotting after her. ¡°Where are you going?¡±


    ¡°To take care of Susie. Your leaves helped but it didn¡¯t last forever.¡±


    Garth glanced around the military camp and shrugged. He could think of worse things to do than curry favor with the injured students. Make some more Aloe leaf, come across as a real nice guy.


    ¡°Let me get my backpack,¡± he said, turning to leave before he stopped in his tracks.


    The backpack I left in the forest fire?


    The backpack with three Mythic Cores in it!?


    ¡°Gotta go.¡± Garth said, turning and sprinting back toward the smoldering woods before stopping at the pre-burned swath, where a wave of heat washed over him from the other side. The forest was burning just as merrily as before, hissing at him from every direction as water escaped from the dying trees.


    It would be days before the forest was safe enough to go looking for his treasure. In the meantime, the question was, was a forest fire hot enough to melt Mythic cores?


    ¡°Damnit.¡± Garth spat, glaring at the fire. ¡°That was pretty backhanded, Hastia.¡±


    ***Alicia***


    Excellent. Alicia thought as she watched Edward ¨C or whoever he was ¨C sprint away. She¡¯d gotten him to budge on teaching her magic, in exchange for information available to every noble child since birth.


    Win for me, She thought, the young man¡¯s desperate sprint bringing a smile to her face. Now the hard part: Facing Susie again.


    Every fiber of her being wanted to avoid her sister, as if denying her pain and injuries would make them go away. But she needed Susie to be on her side.


    Alicia screwed up her courage and opened the tent-flap to the infirmary, where dozens of students rested with bandages across burns all over their bodies.


    Alicia narrowed in on Susie, half mummified and laying on the cot with her eyes closed.


    ¡°Hey Suz,¡± she said, taking a seat as Susie¡¯s one exposed eye opened to look at her.


    ¡°I brought you a couple heartstones,¡± she said, pulling the clear pebbly stones out of her pockets.  ¡°It should help reduce the scarring, along with speeding up your recovery.¡±


    While Susie swallowed the heartstones, Alicia replaced the bandages with new, clean ones, damped with cold water.


    ¡°Thanks, Al.¡± Susie said, her voice hoarse. That was something that might never recover, the damage making her sister sound like an old woman who¡¯d smoked her entire life.


    ¡°I know you¡¯d help me if I needed it.¡± Alicia said, angling to make sure Susie was ingratiated to her.


    Susie chuckled for a moment before she coughed into her palm.


    ¡°I¡¯m not so sure about that.¡± She said, patting Alicia¡¯s hand. ¡°But I do owe you one, and I don¡¯t like owing you anything, so I¡¯ll pay you back right here.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°Benedette knows where you¡¯re hiding Thomas. That dinky little inn on the west side of the city.¡±


    Alicia shot to her feet, her heart hammering with alarm.


    Susie smiled gently.


    ¡°Relax, Thomas is gonna be fine. Father was very clear about his affection for his younger sons. She¡¯s going to be angling for you. Sometime when you go back there, there¡¯s going to be someone waiting for you, maybe Kyle, maybe hired killers.¡± She shrugged weakly. ¡°Who knows.¡±


    Alicia sat back down, heart slowly calming.


    ¡°Thank you, Susie.¡±


    ¡°Pssh¡­we¡¯re even. Now scratch my butt. It itches and I can¡¯t get to it myself.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid I can¡¯t reach your butt without more information about Benedette¡¯s operations.¡± Alicia said wryly as she gently turned Susie over and scratched her bottom.


    ¡°Hah hah.¡±


    ¡°Am I interrupting something?¡± Edward asked, entering the infirmary with a wet burlap sack over his shoulder. The kid¡¯s confident grin on his soot-covered face was almost charming.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± Alicia asked, setting Susie back down despite her whines for her to continue.


    ¡°Attention burn victims!¡± Edward said, ignoring her. Alicia noticed some strange orange mana spilling from his mouth as he spoke.


    He¡¯s casting a spell right now? How?


    ¡°I, Edward Bergstrom, having excellent familial knowledge of the local area, made a quick trip to the Green Hell and retrieved these lovely leaves that are excellent for burns, risking life and limb, for you.¡±


    Edward then pulled out a clear, shiny gel¡­slab that looked something like a fillet, and tossed it at a teen across the tent, where it hit them on the chest with a slap.


    The boy groaned in pain at first, then his eyes opened wide and he began to rub it over his wounds, cooling and soothing them.


    ¡°There¡¯s plenty for everyone!¡± Edward shouted tossing the gross skinned leaves everywhere. ¡°You get relief, and you get relief!¡±


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 7/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 126: Negotiations Break Down

    When they finally let the students back into the walled city, Garth knew that his plan had worked.


    It was total chaos.


    Police and military had been deployed to search buildings from top to bottom. Richly dressed men and women of standing were crying on the side of the street, make-up running down their faces, while others had turned violent, screaming and shouting, breaking buildings with their bare hands. Those people had to be subdued by their family, since they were too much for the police to handle on their own.


    As Garth walked further into the noble district, the worse it got, chuckling to himself as he strolled through the street.


    The other toddlers always did throw a hissy fit when my kids went home for the day. Take that little hissy fit and scale it up to rioting and full-on anxiety attacks when an entire city¡¯s emotional Blankey got stripped away.


    A man¡¯s cry caught Garth¡¯s attention.


    ¡°Is there a wet nurse anywhere? My daughter¡¯s just been born and she needs to eat! She¡¯ll starve without her mother!¡±


    Garth glanced over and saw a haggard nobleman staggering through the streets, one of his sleeves torn off, carrying a swaddled infant.


    Not letting babies die, Nuh-uh. Garth was pretty sure that if Beladia had some ground rules, that would be one of them. If not #1.


    Garth turned his feet and stalked toward the confused looking man with a thick red mustache and slightly jutting chin.


    ¡°Hey. Hey!¡± Garth shouted before grabbing the man¡¯s ear and forcing him to face him.


    The man¡¯s eyes refocused on Garth.


    ¡°Stop and think. You¡¯re looking in the wrong place, pal. None of these noble ladies were getting knocked up in the first place. Go down to Joshua street in the trade district, there¡¯s a brothel there. You¡¯re sure to find someone who¡¯ll be willing to help you. Bring some cash.¡±


    The man¡¯s eyes cleared up for a moment.


    ¡°Yes, Yes, you¡¯re right. Thank you!¡± he said before sprinting off into the distance, his odd coattails thrashing behind him.


    ¡°And don¡¯t run with a fucking baby!¡± Garth shouted after him, using Clarion Call, to force the man to consider his words. After a moment, he slowed to a fast walk.


    ¡°Jeez¡­oop, sorry, Bell.¡± Garth shook his head and wondered if habitually cursing with another deity¡¯s name irritated Beladia.


    Doesn¡¯t really seem like the jealous type, anyway.


    Garth¡¯s memories of the afterlife were fuzzy and distant, but he was pretty sure there was a lot of sex with a lot of people. And¡­building a log cabin with a bunch of nudists? Weird.


    Garth refocused on the present. That guy couldn¡¯t be the only person in town in need of a wet nurse. By stealing all the Garthspawn in the city, Garth had basically put himself in another bind with a lack of breasts.


    Damnit, how do I keep getting in these situations? Garth thought to himself before rolling his eyes. Because you¡¯re an apostle of Beladia, goddess of the icky consequences of creampies.


    Garth dismissed the uncharitable thoughts about his patron and headed back to the Bergstrom manor, where the Bergstroms were desperately trying to manage in the wake of The Exodus.


    ¡°Wipe your goddamn feet!¡± a curly haired girl said as Garth walked in the front door, wearing a poorly sized apron and sweeping up dirt in the lobby. Garth glanced around the room and saw Brenda Bergstrom and her brother and Patriarch Aaron Bergstrom, sitting side by side and staring into space, rocking back and forth on a couch, while their younger family members struggled to clean and cook on their own, fingers shaking.


    Garth shrugged and tapped his boots off outside then headed to his office, where Cole was waiting for him with an awful oral report.


    ¡°So what happened over the weekend, Cole?¡± Garth asked, putting his feet up on the Patriarch¡¯s desk and taking a deep draw on his cigar.


    ¡°Umm, a dozen or so thugs came into the Joshua street brothel and killed three of our bouncers, the whores followed them somewhere else at knifepoint. The adamantium we hadn¡¯t relocated yet has been emptied out of the warehouses. People visited every business under our protection and smashed the places up, and did some damage to their clientele too.¡±


    Garth inhaled too deeply and started coughing.


    ¡°A few of our crew members got killed: Tom, Kimshaw, Freeter and Boise. The rest disappeared. I assume they¡¯re working for the other guys now.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay to say Dentons.¡± Garth said, getting control of his breathing. Maggie Denton had been really busy while Garth was gone.


    She knew I was gone. That was freaking obvious: She¡¯d sent three people to watch him. So it wasn¡¯t to woo him over like the kids had been told, it was to distract him while they crippled his businesses. Garth tapped his fingers on the table, studying the mouth-breather standing next to him who essentially represented the extent of Garth¡¯s criminal empire, now.


    She wouldn¡¯t have done this if she had any fear of reprisals. Most likely she expected Garth to march into her mansion all fire and fury, then she would club him over the head with her insurance policy: information that he was an illegal magic user, and one or more letters in the hands of a friend, to be mailed in the event of her death.


    Or something like that.


    Garth would have to work backwards, rather than cap the problem at the source. He would have to isolate and brainwash each and every ally of Maggie Denton¡¯s.


    Legwork, legwork.


    Take away her insurance policy, then nail her to the wall.


    Gotta do things in the right order if you want them to turn out right.


    Garth got rid of a bit of ash on his cigar then took another draw.


    His first step would be to save the whores, then cast Operant Conditioning on all of Maggie¡¯s friends while they were particularly emotionally vulnerable from the loss of their Garthspawn, then force them to experience anxiety mixed with a healthy amount of disgust every time they saw her. Make their dicks go limp and watch their support for her melt away in a matter of weeks.


    Business was business, but it was damn difficult to do business with someone who thoroughly repulsed you.


    This whole situation would have been so much more manageable if I had someone to keep an eye on things while I was gone. If one person had been smart enough to circle the freaking wagons, or better yet, hunt down and interrupt Maggie¡¯s operations, the damage would have been minimal.


    Garth exhaled, glancing at Cole staring at him expectantly.


    Well, you work with what you get I suppose.


    ¡°Cole, in light of your news, I gave a guy some bad baby advice.¡± Garth said, leaning over in his desk and pulling out the list of Denton supporters.


    ¡°We¡¯re going to have to find him and help get his baby fed, then we¡¯re going to tour the city and visit the¡­¡± Garth flipped through papers detailing payoffs Marcus had made to other families. ¡°Hawkins, Peters, Jones, Hernandez and Park Familie-¡°


    The door burst open, and a rather tall man with salt and pepper hair tromped in.


    Cole moved to get in the way, but the man picked him up like a ragdoll, smacked him hard enough to give him a concussion and threw him out of the office.


    A noble, then.


    ¡°Can I help you?¡± Garth asked, straightening his stack of papers and setting them back in his desk drawer as the man closed and locked the door.


    The man was tall with an angular face, and he looked like he had been muscular at one point, but a lot of it had been melted away by the years.


    ¡°Where is my wife?¡± he demanded leaning over the desk with bared teeth.


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± Garth asked with a brow raised.


    Who the hell is this guy and why does he think I have anything to do with his wife? Garth really hadn¡¯t had time to sleep around, recently.


    ¡°The Garthspawn, where are they? What did you do with them?¡± he asked, his volume raising as a cold sweat settled on the back of Garth¡¯s neck.


    That was fast. The man was speaking with total confidence.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have anything to do with that.¡± Garth said, invoking Pala¡¯s power to obfuscate the truth.


    ¡°Don¡¯t bullshit me. A phytomage moves into town from the Green Hell, on multiple occasions is witnessed showing emotional instability in regards to Garthspawn, takes over the Denton¡¯s operations and and a week later all the Garthspawn disappear.¡± He narrowed his eyes.


    ¡°Is that where they are? The Green Hell?¡±


    Damn! Garth thought, eyebrows raising unbidden. This guy¡¯s on the ball.


    ¡°I¡¯m Edward Bergstrom,¡± Garth said slowly, working magic into his speech to reinforce its potency. ¡°I don¡¯t know who you¡¯re confusing me with, but I¡¯m not him.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± The man with greying hair looked confused a moment before his eyes sharpened again. ¡°No, I just confronted a boy downstairs who looks exactly like you. He started crying in seconds. You aren¡¯t afraid of me at all. You¡¯re the Phytomage I¡¯ve been following, you¡¯re trying to mess with my head, and you¡¯re definitely not Edward Bergstrom.¡±


    ¡°And you should be afraid of me,¡± he said, leaning forward, until his face was inches away from Garth¡¯s.


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± Garth asked, bemused.


    ¡°Because if you don¡¯t tell me where my wife is-¡±


    Like snakes, the man¡¯s hands struck forward, reaching into Garth¡¯s vest pockets and pulling out the enchanted disc along with the Amulet of Endeavor.


    For an instant the man looked brown-haired and fair skinned before he smashed both objects down, snapping the brittle disk of dungeon core off in the wood of the desk.


    He watched the slice for a moment, as if expecting it to blow up.


    ¡°I can show people what you-¡° He glanced up at Garth. ¡°Really¡­are.¡± The color faded from the man¡¯s face as he visibly made connections.


    ¡°This is awkward.¡± Garth said, inspecting his natural purple coloration for the first time in days.


    The tall man turned and lunged for the door. Garth picked him up with strands of mana and carried him, kicking and screaming back to the desk, where he pulled out a chair for him.


    ¡°HE¡¯S GARTH! HE¡¯S GAAARTH!¡±


    Garth covered the man¡¯s mouth and the screaming turned into loud groans.


    ¡°Okay, yes, I¡¯m Garth Daniels. Good job. Calm down.¡±


    Garth leaned back in his chair, studying the broken enchantment on his table.


    ¡°How¡¯d you know about that?¡± he asked, pointing at it.


    The guy stared at him silently.


    ¡°Speak.¡±


    ¡°The snoring device. I thought you might wear something like that to keep you looking like Edward Bergstrom.¡±


    ¡°So you found that.¡± Garth said, leaning back in his chair, contemplating.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°I have a letter addressed to-¡°


    ¡°yes, yes, revealing that I¡¯m a phytomage, and if you don¡¯t receive it yourself I¡¯ll be hunted down. It¡¯s a pretty common tactic. I¡¯m more interested in you, personally.¡±


    Garth leaned forward putting his elbows on the desk as the man watched him like a poisonous cobra.


    It was flattering, but mostly irritating.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Paul Tucker.¡±


    ¡°What do you do, Paul Tucker?¡±


    ¡°Senior Detective.¡±


    ¡°So you know your way around crime?¡± Garth asked, a jittering excitement worming up inside him. This might be a very useful individual.


    He stared at Garth a moment before speaking. ¡°I just want my wife back.¡±


    ¡°Right, right, and I can help with that.¡± Garth bounced his knees with nervous energy.¡±¡­In exchange for some help dealing with the Dentons and maybe managing a criminal empire.¡±


    ¡°No way I¡¯d help the Dark Father of Sin.¡±


    ¡°Okay, look, stop being a dick to your great Grandpa-in-law. I¡¯m sure you¡¯re smart enough for it to occur to you that it¡¯s entirely possible that the anecdotal history about me is somewhat¡­exaggerated? I¡¯m really not that bad of a guy.¡±


    ¡°You kidnapped my wife!¡±


    ¡°I kidnapped a lot of people, but I never kidnapped any wife of yours.¡± Garth said, his fingers laced.


    Technically true, Garth thought to himself as Paul¡¯s face screwed up in anger moments before Cole started pounding on the door.


    ¡°Boss, are you okay in there?¡± Cole shouted.


    ¡°Hold on a second,¡± Garth said, holding up a finger and weaving an illusion around himself. ¡°I gotta take this.¡±


    In a moment, Garth was pale and freckled again, and he unlocked the door.


    ¡°Cole, take this fruit and squeeze it out into a glass bottle,¡± Garth said, slapping a heavy, warm, soft brown fruit with a nipple into his hand. ¡°Then stuff a clean rag in the top. Once that¡¯s done, find a guy running around with a red mustache and a baby, and give that to him, he should be somewhere near the brothel on Joshua street.¡±


    Cole looked down at the boob-fruit in his hand, his brows furrowed.


    ¡°Now, Cole! And be quick about it!¡±


    Cole nodded and sprinted down the hall, tucking the disembodied boob in his elbow like a football player.


    ¡°Hah.¡± Garth chuckled, watching him a bit longer before he turned back to Paul, who was watching him like a madman.


    ¡°Okay, where were we? You accused me of kidnapping your wife, and I responded by saying that she wasn¡¯t your wife, that you bought my great granddaughter like an animal at auction, and then forced her to bear your children like some kind of human brood mare.¡±


    Paul¡¯s gaze bored into Garth¡¯s face.


    ¡°It isn¡¯t like that.¡±


    ¡°Oh, really?¡± Garth said, dismissing the illusion and sitting back down at his desk. ¡°Then you¡¯ve got nothing to worry about. The ones that want to come home will start reappearing in the next few days, completely unharmed, albeit a bit foggy on the last couple days.¡±


    ¡°In the meantime,¡± Garth said, leaning forward. ¡°You help me with a couple things, and I¡¯ll put in a good word for you.¡±


    ¡°If what you say is true, she¡¯ll come back in the next couple days. If it isn¡¯t, why on Earth would I help you?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t like the way my legacy has been treated, Paul. I don¡¯t like the way they¡¯re used like property when they¡¯re the backbone of your entire society, and I don¡¯t like being called the Dark Father of Sin, so I¡¯m gonna destroy the world as you know it.¡± Garth said, sitting back in his chair. ¡°I¡¯m gonna crack it open like a rotten egg and expose its smelly, slimy insides.¡±


    Garth didn¡¯t think it was a good idea to tell Paul about his idea for starting his own clan and taking it interplanetary. That was all in the future. Baby steps.


    ¡°But first I need money and power, and to get that, I need someone to act on my behalf who has a good head on their shoulders. You have a good head on your shoulders, Paul.¡±


    ¡°Working with you is a death sentence.¡± Paul said, shaking his head.


    ¡°Nonsense.¡± Garth said. ¡°How many people would believe I was alive, even if you told them to their face? Did you know some people think I never existed at all? That I was a composite legend of stories drawn from several historical figures?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve got every single Garthspawn in the city spilling all the dark, dirty secrets of the families they work for into the waiting ears of my people. In a couple days, I¡¯m going to get a little curated book of secrets, with chapters neatly organized by family, exposing every single thing they¡¯ve ever done. Every weakness they have.¡±


    Garth took a deep breath.


    ¡°By the time I¡¯m done, by the time people guess my name, every noble family in the city would sacrifice everything to keep me out of the hands of the empire. They¡¯ll have to ask my permission to sneeze.¡±


    ¡°Ooorr¡­¡± Garth said. ¡°In order to protect myself, I use your woman and others like her to kill you and every other literate man, woman and child before setting fire to the city and bailing on this continent to set up shop somewhere else and ride out the slaughter.¡±


    Garth gave him a wicked grin.


    ¡°Do you think this mass disappearance isn¡¯t going to attract attention from the Empire? Ball¡¯s already in motion, Paul. Do you think they¡¯ll want to purge the Garthspawn, maybe, just to be safe? If I don¡¯t control every word the council says by the time they get here, your family is going to die, Paul. I personally think the safest bet for you and your family is for you to get your hands dirty and help me take the reigns of the city.¡±


    Paul watched Garth, unblinking.


    ¡°This is a deal with Garth.¡±


    Garth glanced to the side, then back to Paul. ¡°Yeah, it is.¡±


    I hate being used as a substitute for The Devil.


    Paul considered for a long while, as Garth watched him silently.


    ¡°All right. As long as I¡¯ve got no other choice, I¡¯ll work with you.¡±


    Paul stood and held out his hand.


    Garth reached out and took it.


    ¡°It¡¯s good to have someone so quick on the-¡°


    Garth notice a glint of light from the man¡¯s other hand.


    Is that a tiny metal crossbow?


    Garth¡¯s vision went white.


    ***Paul***


    Paul cradled his broken wrist, where the kickback on the adamantium reinforced hand crossbow had snapped it, sending all that power straight through the kid¡¯s head.


    Garth was twitching on the ground, a silvery bolt emerging from the top of his skull.


    Never accept a deal from Garth. Or someone who thinks they are. If it had actually been Garth, the crossbow wouldn¡¯t have worked. Didn¡¯t matter one way or the other, he was dead now.


    Paul grunted as he began rolling the body up in the office¡¯s carpet. He still needed to take the body to be burnt, or there would still be dire consequences.


    Fuck, this is hard to do one-handed.


    He only had maybe a half a day to finish up here and reach the Green Hell with every man he could muster to get his wife back, before whatever cult that had taken her could receive news of their leader¡¯s death.


    What he¡¯d said had implied he could use Garthspawn to do his work for him, and that was unacceptable. He had to take the boy out of the equation.


    Maybe a Garthspawn had, through some miracle been born male, and fancied himself Garth. The idea the man was still alive and in a young body was ludicrous, and after Paul had time to think it through, he¡¯d decided it was most likely an impersonator with special powers.


    Killing him had been a last resort, but it seemed to have worked. Nip that shit in the bud.


    Now the hard part, Paul thought, heaving the body over his shoulder one-handed.


    ***Garth***


    Garth fell from a height of four feet, dropping down onto his shoulder in the center of the jungle-filled cavern.


    ¡°God¡­DAMN! I want him even more!¡±


    But not in a sexual way.


    When his muscles gained strength again, Garth wiped the placenta slime off himself, threw on some clothes that were neatly stacked by his Garth-tree phylactery, and started sprinting toward the dungeon entrance barefoot.


    Guess I gotta show this guy that he doesn¡¯t have any other options.


    And never ever, ever let him near my phylactery.


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 8/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 127: Priorities

    ¡°I heard you the first time, Paul,¡± Donald Lam said. ¡°And I told you that we¡¯ve already got an expedition scheduled to check the Green Hell tomorrow.¡±


    Donald Lam, of the Lam family, one of many Lam sons to forfeit his right to succession and take a career in Law enforcement as a calculated move to expand the family¡¯s power, sat directly in front of Paul, waving dismissively.


    He was Paul¡¯s boss.


    ¡°The Garthspawn are there, right now, and we only have a couple hours at most before things are gonna go from bad to worse. Give me the list of people going, I¡¯ll round them up and we can be off in half an hour.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re hysterical, like pretty much everyone else in the city,¡± Donald said, the grizzled man pouring a shot of glowing rum and knocking it back.


    ¡°I¡¯m hysterical too,¡± he said, looking at his shaking hands. ¡°drinking in front of a subordinate in the middle of the afternoon.¡± He capped the bottle and set it on the floor beside him. ¡°But I do know one thing. Running off to the Green Hell at top speed in the early evening without the faintest hint of a plan¡­is a stupid thing to do.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s where they are! I Know it!¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s that?¡± Donald asked, narrowing his eyes.


    ¡°It¡¯s the only nearby place that can feed that many people. It¡¯s the only place that can support life. I mean, come on, everywhere else is a desert except for the north, and the Gonzalez family is just as messed up as the rest of us.¡±


    ¡°What if they did go into the desert?¡± Donald asked. ¡°What then?¡±


    ¡°If they went in to the desert, they¡¯re gone,¡± Paul said. ¡°between the monsters and the harsh conditions, they might last a couple days.¡±


    ¡°And what if whoever took them was waiting with supplies for the trek?¡±


    ¡°There was no sign that anyone else was involved, they just got up in the middle of the night and fucking walked away! There were no broken locks, or windows, or stolen property¡­nobody saw anything, damn it!¡±


    Donald¡¯s eyebrows twitched.


    ¡°In light of your heightened emotional state, I¡¯m going to let you off the hook, but this conversation is over. You can ask Mr. Williams to reassign you to the Green Hell expedition if you wish, but it is happening tomorrow, with preparation.¡±


    Paul knew the look on the director¡¯s face. He wasn¡¯t going to budge for anyone, no matter how wrong he was.


    Paul swallowed an impulse to curse, realizing that it would do him more harm than good now.


    Paul walked down the steps of the brick office building, his mind running full speed as he merged with the foot traffic on the street.


    Plan B. options¡­.options¡­


    He needed muscle, and he needed people who knew how to navigate the Green Hell. He could dip into his saving and hire maybe two adventuring parties, which would be a drop in the bucket stacked up against whoever had the power to move that many Garthspawn.


    Hopefully he¡¯d gotten the culprit this morning, and there was only a token force of people guarding the Garthspawn.


    Ideally, they were on their way home already.


    ¡°Damn.¡±


    Possibilities.


    Inspiration struck Paul like a bolt of lightning, a way to deal with each scenario presented itself.


    He needed a Wildling nomad who knew how to get in and out of the Green Hell without getting killed by poisonous grass, or exploded by sky-fish, or vanished in a myriad of ways. With a guide like that, he could form a small team, find Lora and get out before anyone knew he was there.


    All he needed was a Wildling willing to risk their life for him: Fat chance of finding one of those.


    Unless I can make a friend right now.


    Paul craned his neck to look over his shoulder at the jail situated right next to the Police precinct.


    ¡°Might work.¡±


    Paul¡¯s feet turned and he headed towards the jail.


    The thick iron door of the jail was unlocked, and the man who should have been whiling away the time behind a cage was gone, presumably off drinking, or temporarily reassigned to one of the search parties. They probably figured the prisoners would be fine without food for a day.


    Paul entered the cage and grabbed the keyring, unlocking the gate leading further into the jail before slipping inside.


    ¡°Hey, I haven¡¯t eaten anything in days! Go make me a sandwich, bitch!¡± a thin man shouted, pressing his face against the bars.


    ¡°Do you know who my father is!¡± A young, black haired man in a gold-threaded vest shouted. ¡°He won¡¯t tolerate ¨C Hey, look at me when I¡¯m speaking to you!¡±


    Paul ignored the clamor, studying the contents of each cell briefly before moving on, until he found what he was looking for, in the last cell.


    A sprawling mass of whipcord muscle, sharp teeth and claws.


    The Wildling was of wolf descent, and favored his animalistic heritage heavily, with hands that were barely able to hold anything, arms that matched the length of legs that seemed to bend backwards, a muzzle, and a thin coat of grey fur all across his body.


    His stomach was tucked in underneath his ribs, obviously emaciated.


    ¡°You.¡± Paul said. ¡°Wildling.¡±


    The Wildling¡¯s ear perked up, and he opened a single eye from where he¡¯d been napping, looking Paul up and down before closing it again.


    ¡°Execution time already?¡± he asked, lazily pushing himself up to a sitting position, the chains around his neck and arms preventing him from coming any closer to the bars.


    ¡°Maybe not.¡± Paul said, leaning close to the cage and dropping his voice to a whisper so the other prisoners couldn¡¯t hear them.


    ¡°What are you in for?¡±


    ¡°Tax evasion.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t fuck with me.¡± Paul said, pulling the keyring out of his pocket and dangling it in front of him. At the sight, the wildling¡¯s ears swiveled forward, and Paul was suddenly the center of the man¡¯s attention.


    ¡°What are you in for?¡±


    ¡°I got caught knotting a noble bitch. Her family cried rape, but she cried ¡®more!¡¯¡±


    Paul narrowed his eyes. He didn¡¯t have any way of knowing what the man said was true, so he¡¯d have to exploit the man¡¯s culture.


    ¡°Do wildlings still respect blood debts?¡±


    ¡°Just like we still hate being called wildlings. What¡¯s your plan, you save me and I¡¯m your servant for the rest of my life? I¡¯d rather swing.¡±


    ¡°I save your life, you help me with one job. I don¡¯t know if you noticed, but things aren¡¯t exactly normal right now.¡±


    ¡°Do tell,¡± the Wildling said, lips drawing back from inch and a half long fangs as he grinned, reclining against the stone wall.


    ¡°All the Garthspawn in the city have been kidnapped, including my wife. You help me get her back, I absolve you of your blood debt. Is that agreeable?¡±


    ¡°Those are your only terms?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t get creative.¡± Paul said, bending an iron key between thumb and forefinger. ¡°try to monkey paw me and I¡¯ll end you. It¡¯s a simple deal.¡±


    The Wildling gave a chuckle that sounded like a dog hacking something up. ¡°I was more worried about the other way around, what with how you nobles are.¡±


    ¡°Soon as I have her back in the city, you¡¯re done. Clear enough?¡±


    ¡°Back in the city? Where is she now?¡±


    ¡°The Green Hell.¡± Paul didn¡¯t feel like mincing words.


    The Wildling¡¯s expression changed in an instant, his ears going flat, eyes narrowing. ¡°That¡¯s a tall order.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s that or execution. Which do you think you have a better chance of surviving?¡± Paul asked.


    The wolf-man laughed his hacking laugh again.


    ¡°Alright. Sure. Sounds like a much more fun way to go.¡±


    ¡°Alright then.¡± Paul stood and tossed the keyring to the Wilding. ¡°My name¡¯s Paul Tucker. Let everyone else out on your way out. It¡¯ll obfuscate your escape. Meet me on the road to the west.¡±


    Paul turned and left.


    Behind him he heard the soft clicking of steel on steel as the wildling began unlocking his cuffs with his clumsy fingers.


    ¡°Ragnar Vargson. I¡¯ll see you there, once I¡¯m done obfuscating my escape.¡±


    ***Garth***


    Garth made it back to the city at half past noon, panting desperately for oxygen and leaning against a tailor¡¯s brick wall.


    Garth¡¯s mouth was filled with the taste of blood from sprinting all the way back to the city as quick as his undernourished, underexcercised, newborn body could be expected to.


    ¡°Wasted a whole freaking week of work.¡± Garth muttered. It didn¡¯t matter in the long run, but Garth had to be careful, if he played fast and loose with his lives, he might outstrip his phylactery¡¯s ability to produce more Garth-fruits and wind up taking another incredibly long nap.


    And I was just starting to remember the afterlife!


    Maybe it¡¯s like a dream, and I¡¯ll always be on the verge of remembering, in bits and pieces, Garth thought, spitting out the copper taste and slowing his breathing, double checking his skin out of nervous habit. All that was keeping him normal looking was a thin mental construct, which essentially took all of his mental energy to maintain because he¡¯d been killed. Again.


    Damnit!


    Garth was going to walk right up to that Paul guy, put the fear of Garth in him, and lay down exactly how things were going to go. Getting a good henchman was priority one on his list.


    Ah, shit, I forgot the kidnapped whores. They¡¯d been taken to an undisclosed location where they were presumably being forced to work or being killed. Now there was a time sensitive problem. Looks like Paul is priority two.


    Garth glanced up at where Paul was walking out of the boiler room of the factory, presumably from dumping Garth¡¯s body. There hadn¡¯t been anything left in the Bergstrom mansion but a bloodstain.


    Bastard stole the carpet and walked right out the front door.


    Brenda Bergstrom looked like she¡¯d seen a ghost when he¡¯d stormed into the mansion.


    Garth¡¯s fist tightened for a moment as he watched the lankey man head for the north side of the city before he pushed away from the wall and headed towards Joshua Street in the opposite direction.


    I¡¯ll be back, buddy. This¡¯ll only take a minute.


    The brothel was empty when Garth got there. Some of the red silks had been torn down in the scuffle, exposing the water damaged wood behind them. Velvet covered chairs and chintzy lacquered tables had been left where they¡¯d been smashed. The floor was covered in glass and wood splinters.


    In the recent turmoil and riots, even the bodies of Garth¡¯s three bouncers had been left where they lay.


    Garth cruised through the scene, dispassionately examining everything until he found what he was looking for.


    Hallway across the room from where one of the corpses was curled in on itself, was a bouncer¡¯s beat-stick, with a sheen of dried blood and a bit of matted hair.


    ¡°That¡¯ll do.¡± Garth muttered, picking up the club and wiping the sticky blood off onto his palm.


    Garth took a deep breath and let his illusion fade away, clearing all of his thoughts for the spell he was about to weave.


    Normally Garth wouldn¡¯t have been able to cast it well enough to make out anything, but blood and hair was an excellent catalyst.


    Scry


    Garth held the bloody ichor in his fist and closed his eyes, seeing a warehouse in the slums on the west side of town. Feminine screams rang softly in his ears.


    Garth zoomed out a little and recognized the neighborhood.


    ¡°Well then,¡± Garth said, wiping his bloody hand on one of the bouncer¡¯s shirts before turning to sprint the other way.


    It took Garth five minutes to get to the warehouse at full speed, navigating around the ornery police patrols and rioting nobles. Garth stopping just outside and peeked through a neighboring building. The warehouse was abandoned, its windows were boarded up, and a solid metal door secured it against a frontal assault.


    Garth¡¯s enhanced eyes could make out men standing guard inside the second story windows, and he could make out the sobbing of women from here. They were probably waiting for him.


    Motherfuckers.


    Garth stayed out of sight until he got his breath back, made himself an ironwood spear, took six deep breaths to hyperoxygenate his blood, then turned the corner and sprinted for the squat building at top speed.


    Garth saw the sentry¡¯s eyes go wide as he flew down the muddy dirt road, muscles in his legs and feet propelling him forward at speeds he¡¯d never believed possible when he was completely human. Garth crossed the distance in three seconds.


    The man was standing from his chair when Garth jumped up, using his spear to pole vault through the hastily boarded up windows, bypassing the metal door entirely.


    Garth hit the man feet first as the wooden slats popped aside for their master.


    ¡°Whoo!¡±


    Garth landed on a catwalk overlooking the hollowed out warehouse where no less than twenty women were huddled together under armed guard. The man he¡¯d kicked was propelled through an iron railing, down to the wooden floor, his spine cracking audibly.


    The women were in various states of undress, and at least three of them were currently being raped. The men stood up and tried to pull up their pants at Garth¡¯s sudden intrusion, but he wasn¡¯t interested in giving them any time to get any bright ideas, like taking hostages.


    Garth didn¡¯t have the mental power to cover his identity manually and put people to sleep at the same time, so he had to move fast.


    Garth gave the other sentry a front kick that shattered his ribs and broke him against the stone wall before leaping down into the open floor of the warehouse, wading into the thick of things.


    ¡°The Lannisters send their regards!¡± Garth shouted as he smashed through the men with raw power. Nobody had ever taught him how to use a spear, but the concept was pretty simple: Stick the pointy end in the other man.


    ¡°Die!¡± a large ruddy man charged Garth from behind, coming out of Garth¡¯s blind spot, as he¡¯d been underneath the catwalk. He was brandishing a heavy, cleaver-like sword.


    Garth¡¯s spear was currently lodged in a rosy-cheeked teenager who¡¯d been in the process of pulling up his pants. The kid had a death grip on the spear, staring down it the wood plowing through his breastbone with bulging eyes.


    ¡°fuck,¡± Garth grumbled under his breath and ducked down, holding the handle of the spear over his head.


    The heavy sword rang off the handle, and Garth let it go, lunging forward to tackle the bigger man. He seized the meaty forearm with his left hand. Garth¡¯s hand was only barely big enough to wrap around three quarters of his wrist.  Garth squeezed hard with his left hand, and felt the bone begin to crack under his grip, while delivering a feral punch to the man¡¯s temple


    A flash of pain came from Garth¡¯s back as a bolt propelled itself  between his ribs and erupted from his chest, sinking three inches into the big man in front of him.


    Crossbows!?


    Garth¡¯s perforated side muscles screamed in pain as he twisted hard, pirouetting with the big man in his arms as five other bolts screamed through the air and buried themselves in his meat-shield.


    Garth peeked over the twitching man¡¯s shoulder and spotted half a dozen men on the next building over reloading their crossbows while six more trained their aim on his face.


    Methinks this was a trap.


    Not that I care.


    The bolts weren¡¯t adamantium, and the only way he¡¯d die in one shot is if someone managed to hit his eyeball.


    Garth ducked behind his meat shield and three more bolts shot past where his head had been, embedding themselves in the wood floor.


    Another thug finished buckling his pants and grabbed a knife, charging Garth without minding the hissing bolts flying through the air.


    Wow, these guys are fearless¡­


    Garth caught the knife with his hand and grabbed the man¡¯s head, forcing him to hold still for a moment, revealing his extremely dilated pupils.


    Ah, drugs. That¡¯d do it.


    Garth rammed the knife up into the man¡¯s skull, then dropped to the ground and scrambled closer to the wall closest to the snipers an instant ahead of another three bolts.


    Once he was out of sight of the windows, Garth took a moment to catch his breath.


    Gotta find a way to get around these bastards, kill ¡®em from behind.


    That was when a bolt shot through the window and pinned one of the whores to the ground, a lovely dirty blonde of maybe twenty. She grunted and clutched the length of wood in her gut, before she began to let out wails of pains, while the other women tried to move out of sight of the windows, their hands and feet bound together.


    Or not, frontal assault it is. Garth dropped the illusion for a second and grew the biggest shield he could in a fraction of a second, a kite shield only big enough to cover his head and upper torso.


    By the time he was done, another three women had been shot, but none of them were dead yet.


    They were on the clock, though.


    Garth reactivated the illusion, leapt straight up and caught the catwalk above him before hauling himself up and through the window, attracting fire from the snipers.


    They had been saving at least nine shots for him. Five of the bolts buried themselves in his shield as he was falling and his legs took three and one bolt hit him in the gut.


    It didn¡¯t matter, because none of them were able to nick his armored internal organs, which simply slid out of the way.


    I like to wear my armor on the inside.


    Garth landed in the street and with another jump, he pulled himself up onto the roof with the crossbowmen.


    ¡°Afternoon.¡±  Garth dropped the illusion and manifested a wooden claymore in his hands as the men hastily pulled out their weapons, jaws dropping in shock.


    Dead men tell no tales.


    Garth caught three men on the first swing, cleaving their bodies in half as they tried to rise from their kneeling positions. He chopped up six more in the next couple seconds and killed the last three with poisonous darts as they tried to flee.


    Once they were dead, Garth caught his breath, reactivated the illusion and jumped back through the second story window, landing in the warehouse again, where half a dozen thugs lay dead or dying, and four woman were slowly succumbing to blood loss and shock.


    The whores stared at Garth with panicked eyes, trying to worm away from him as he stalked forward to check the wounded.


    Three of the four weren¡¯t going to be alive in the next couple hours. The last one would probably make it.


    ¡°Alright everyone, listen up. My name is Edward Bergstrom, and I¡¯m your boss. If you¡¯re interested in career advancement opportunities, you can visit my office later this evening. I have business planned until..¡±


    Garth glanced out the window at the sun starting its downward slide.


    ¡°Five or six. Talk to me after, but for right now, I want everyone to close their eyes.¡±


    They stared at him.


    Clarion Call


    ¡°CLOSE YOUR EYES!¡± Garth shouted, infusing his voice with mana.


    As one, they shut their eyes tight.


    ¡°Ah, that¡¯s better,¡± Garth said, releasing his illusion as his temples began to pound. ¡°And keep them shut until I say so.¡±


    Garth prowled over to the first girl who¡¯d been shot and covered her eyes before yanking the bolt out and healing her.


    Despite the screams, none of them opened their eyes.


    Garth repeated the process, three more times, his head aching more and more as he overexerted himself.


    This Paul guy is gonna make up for all the freaking trouble he¡¯s put me through. Garth thought, fixing the last girl and stumbling away from her.


    Garth reapplied the illusion.


    ¡°All right, you can open your eyes now.¡±


    The women looked confused that not only was no one hurt, people who had been hurt were now not hurt.


    ¡°Plausible deniability, right, ladies?¡± Garth said, manifesting a short wooden blade behind his back and then using it to saw through the ropes around their wrists and ankles. ¡°You didn¡¯t see shit.¡±


    After Garth had sawed through the third pair or hands, the ground seemed to tilt sideways, his skin flickering between purple and freckled.


    Aw crap. Garth thought, his nose tickling as blood began to ooze out of it.


    Garth¡¯s eyes slid closed.


    I better not be dying twice in one day, that would be total¡­


    ¡°Bullshit,¡± Garth groaned, his eyes opening to the harsh red light of evening spilling through the shutters of an abandoned building.


    He tried to turn his head and came up against fleshy resistance. There was a boob in the way, practically smothering him.


    ¡°hi there,¡± a brown haired woman said shyly, her face barely visible above the outcropping of her shirt.


    ¡°Yo.¡± Garth said, groaning and clutching his head as he sat up out of her lap. He checked his skin.


    Yep, still purple.


    Crap.


    ¡°Ladies,¡± Garth said, looking around at the twenty-odd women watching him curiously. ¡°If you talk about anything that happened here today, even with each other¡­It¡¯ll probably get you killed. So¡­decide on a story you can all agree on before you go anywhere else.¡±


    Garth groaned and glanced at the orange sun. He¡¯d been out maybe an hour and a half?


    ¡°Are you a god?¡± one of the younger girls with a round cherubic face asked.


    ¡°What? No.¡±


    ¡°Are you a Garthspawn? A boy?¡± asked a slender blonde. ¡°I heard those exist, but they¡¯re unbelievably rare.¡±


    Garth considered that for a moment. Better than being Garth.


    ¡°You got me. I¡¯m a male Garthspawn on the run from my¡­¡± Garth grimaced. ¡°Family.¡±


    Kinda true.


    Garth¡¯s illusion flickered back into existence to gasps of surprise. ¡°Now forget you know that or it¡¯ll get you hurt, alright?¡±


    Nods of assent all around.


    ¡°The last thing I wanted was for any of you to get caught up in a power struggle, so go somewhere safe until things die down, or, if you¡¯re interested in job advancement, head on over to the Bergstrom Manor and tell them Edward sent you. I¡¯ll get back there sometime around nightfall.¡±


    ¡°In the meantime,¡± Garth said, staring dramatically into the sun. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta do some talent scouting.¡±


    God, I¡¯ve been running all day, Garth thought as he started sprinting, considering stealing a horse.


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 9/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 128: Now Hiring!

    Paul met Ragnar on the road to the west, atop Bruce, his brown stallion.


    ¡°You¡¯re not going to ride that thing all the way into the Green Hell, are you?¡± Ragnar asked, loping alongside him, the Wildling occasionally dropping to all fours as if it were more comfortable.


    ¡°Seems easy enough,¡± Paul said, nodding at the road. ¡°The gate is straight ahead.¡±


    Ragnar laughed. ¡°The gate. We are not using the gate. The forest watches the gate closer than anywhere else. There are a few spots on the mountain peaks that are devoid of soil. We¡¯ll go in through its blind spot, then make sure not to make any trouble that would draw its attention.¡±


    ¡°The forest¡¯s¡­attention?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Superstitious wilding nonsense?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°You came to me for help, remember?¡± Ragnar stood and pointed at the horseshoe shaped smudge of fire and smoke on the side of the mountain. ¡°We¡¯ll follow the road past that point, then go behind the fire, while the forest¡¯s blinded. Once we¡¯re inside the green hell, do not cut anything. You can step on twigs and branches, even snap things off with your bare hands if you¡¯re feeling lucky, but the forest can feel it when you cut it. It¡¯ll know you¡¯re human.¡±


    ¡°I suppose it goes without saying that I shouldn¡¯t start a fire, then?¡± Paul asked with a raised eyebrow.


    ¡°You learn quickly. If you want to blend in, act like an animal would, and the forest won¡¯t pay any attention to you. At least not at first. That includes riding horses.¡±


    ¡°And wearing shoes, I suppose?¡± Paul asked, glancing down at the wildling trotting along beside him.


    Ragnar gave him a wide smile. ¡°Now you¡¯re getting it.¡±


    ¡°You want me to rescue my wife¡­naked?¡±


    ¡°Your words, not mine.¡±


    Paul considered. With the modest amount of Heartstones he¡¯d purchased as a noble, his Endurance was high enough that he didn¡¯t really need clothes to protect him from the elements, or shoes to stop sharp rocks.


    Either the wolf was right, or he was fucking with him: One of those possibilities increased his chances of saving Lora, and the other didn¡¯t lose him anything but his dignity.


    ¡°Alright, but the belt stays on.¡± Paul patted his weapon belt, wincing as his fractured wrist screamed in pain.


    Paul hadn¡¯t realized how much of a kick the Crownslayer crossbows had. They were absolutely not meant to be used by peasants. If Paul was a peasant, he¡¯d have lost his arm. He¡¯d stolen one from the vault underneath the police precinct, in case the kid was a royal in disguise.


    It should have gone through his head and the ceiling beyond, but it got caught in his skull. That means the boy had bones that were at least as strong as steel.


    Multiple sources had confirmed that the boy was harder to kill than he appeared. Even Brenda Bergstrom had been convinced to give her account of meeting him.


    She slit his throat from ear to ear, and it looked like he died, but he was faking. The boy was fine in a matter of seconds!


    I saw Kyle Denton lay a wicked blow to the base of Edward¡¯s spine, with every ounce of his power. Ed should have spent the rest of his life as a vegetable, but he went all crazy and started biting Kyle instead. Watching two guys wrestle was pretty hot. Do you know if he has a girlfriend, detective?


    ¡°Agh,¡± Paul muttered, shaking his head. Sometimes his strong memory brought up shit he didn¡¯t want to think about.


    The point was the Edward impersonator had somehow enhanced his survivability. Paul didn¡¯t know if it was illusion, or high Endurance, or what, so he had decided not to take any chances and shoot him in the brain with a bolt that couldn¡¯t be stopped, then burn the body.


    A half hour of silent contemplation later, Ragnar stopped him.


    ¡°Here¡¯s where we leave the road,¡± he said, pointing to the treeline to the north.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Paul said, sliding off his horse one-handed.


    ¡°Take care Bruce.¡± Paul said, patting the horse, before leaning close.


    ¡°There are apples at home.¡±


    Bruce perked up and began trotting the way they came, eager to get treats from the kids.


    Paul unlaced his boots before kicking them off, starting on his trousers as he looked up at the dense forest ahead of him.


    ¡°Ugh, I¡¯ll never understand why humans wear shoes. The smell is ungodly.¡± Ragnar said, his nose wrinkling up.


    ¡°Maybe we just don¡¯t like stepping in shit filled with parasitic worms that burrow through the skin.¡± Paul said evenly as he started on his shirt, carefully sliding out of it while favoring his injured arm.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Ragnar gave an animalistic growl. ¡°Parasitic worms build character! My mom had worms.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°Nah, I¡¯m kidding, we¡¯re just smart enough not to step in shit.¡±


    ¡°To each their own,¡± Paul said, taking off his shirt.


    Now Paul was wearing nothing but his belt with his sword, waterskin and a pouch full of dry crackers.


    ¡°Good enough,¡± Ragnar said, nodding before he loped into the woods. ¡°Come along then.¡±


    Maybe he wasn¡¯t fucking with me.


    The two of them climbed diagonally up the side of the mountain, behind the fire that smoldered on two days after it started.


    After three hours of sweaty naked hiking and biting insects, they reached the top of the mountain chain, and Ragnar pulled him aside and began covering him in mud and leaves.


    ¡°The tricks I¡¯ve told you so far are known to a few human rangers, but the ones I¡¯m about to teach you belong to my tribe, and if you repeat them to anyone, I will hunt you down.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Paul said. ¡°I promise not to breathe a word of this, even to my own family.¡±


    Ragnar studied him for a moment, weighing his honesty.


    ¡°When we enter the grass, thank it for welcoming the Vargson tribe, then proceed to think only of hunting, eating meat, or mating. There are things you shouldn¡¯t think, but telling you what they are would be stupid. Just focus one those three things and try not to let your mind wander, okay?¡±


    ¡°The grass? Not the forest?¡±


    ¡°It seems to be an extention of the forest somehow. We don¡¯t know exactly, the forest has existed long before the tribes.¡±


    Ragnar rolled his shoulders and cautiously began down the opposite slope, making his way down the mountain until he came across the grass line, where the stony mountainside gave way to lush green blades.


    ¡°Thank you grass, for welcoming the Vargson tribe.¡± Ragnar said, then gently began padding down the side of the mountain.


    Paul cast his gaze upward, to the school of skyfish meandering against the blue of the open air, a few miles away, then glanced back down to where Ragnar was dwindling into the distance and shrugged.


    Worth a shot.


    ¡°Thank you, grass, for welcoming the Vargson tribe.¡± Paul said, then began to concentrate on thoughts of eating raw deer as he followed along behind Ragnar.


    YOU ARE WELCOME.


    A thought that was entirely not Paul touched on Paul¡¯s mind briefly before moving away, sending tingles down the back of his neck. Paul got goosebumps, and for a brief instant wondered about what the voice had been before he wrenched his thoughts back to the proscribed menu.


    Raw deer, hunting, mounting she-wolves, Paul chanted his mantra internally, keeping his focus razor sharp as he followed the wildling.


    No one told me-


    Hunting


    That the forest


    Sex.


    Was alive.


    Paul shook his head, padding along through the soft grass behind Ragnar.


    The scrub gave way to a clearing after awhile, and Paul was finally able to make out the ruined city in the center of the bowl-shaped mountains, with perfectly symmetrical rivers flowing down on either side of the gate, down into the lush green forest studded with ancient ruins.


    Paul could make out tiny brown and purple figures moving around in the distance, along the beach, and every so often he spotted movement through the thick canopy. The Garthspawn were down there, in the forest.


    The forest itself was strange, like nothing he¡¯d ever seen before. The entire thing seemed to be one interlaced piece of wood, with branches melting into other trunks, creating a solid latticework of canopy above him, while the bamboo intermingled seamlessly with the wood.


    The forest was like nothing natural he¡¯d ever seen. It had been designed by someone, but not for the benefit of people, giving it an odd, unrealistic feeling as they traveled through it.


    They crept into the valley, the trees whispering to each other as they passed beneath them.


    Paul felt the alien mind brush against his own, but ignored it.


    Hungry. Chase prey. Mate.


    The sensation passed a moment later, and Paul narrowed his eyes, following Ragnar in avoiding the gaze of naked brown women who seemed to patrol the area with bamboo spears.


    He was going to get his woman back. No matter what.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Alright, you haven¡¯t seen anyone by the name of Paul Tucker yet, have you?¡± Garth asked upon getting back inside Grass¡¯s range.


    ¡°I wish you could tone it down,¡± Garth muttered, cradling his head. He¡¯d gone off-road and invoked Forestwalk to jet ahead of Paul, hopefully cutting him and whatever posse he¡¯d rounded up off at the gate.


    ¡°Alright.. Listen up, I want an ambush set up for Paul right here. I think a hundred or so Mrs. Banyans with grass skirts and spears would send the right message. Oh, and get Paul Tucker¡¯s Garthspawn, I want to interview her about her man and see whether or not she could be good leverage.


    ¡­..


    ¡­.


    ..


    ¡°Grass?¡±


    LORA TUCKER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED.


    ¡°What!?¡± Garth demanded, staring accusingly at the nearest tuft of grass just inside the gate.


    SHE WAS TAKEN FROM THE CITY TWELVE MINUTES AGO BY A PARTICULARLY HORNY PIECE OF WALKING DIRT. BANYAN IS FOLLOWING IT.


    There¡¯s no such thing as horny dirt!


    Fucking Paul.


    Garth started chuckling uncontrollably.


    ¡°Oh, you can bet your ass I want this guy on my team. Grass, Tell Mrs. Banyan to back off and show me the direction he¡¯s heading.¡±


    Mrs. Banyan phased out of a nearby trunk as Grass began downloading the information into Garth¡¯s head.


    ¡°There¡¯s something you should know.¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡±


    ¡°Lora Tucker chose to stay here with her children.¡± she said, giving Garth a clipboard with the Garthspawn¡¯s information.


    ¡°Reeaaallly?¡± Garth asked, going over the neatly typed pages.


    Looks like she¡¯s expecting a baby. A Garthspawn baby. I can use this.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± Garth said, handing it back.


    Forestwalk


    Garth leaped up towards the steep, tree-studded stone abutting the gate, was caught by low hanging branches and tossed upward, into the branches of the next one.


    In a matter of seconds, Garth was at the top of the mountain, sprinting along at inhuman speeds, aiming to cut off Mr. Tucker, Employee #1.


    ***Paul***


    ¡°Wait!¡± Lora cried, pushing herself off of his shoulder.


    They were most of the way up the mountain, they had managed to lose the pursuit of strange, identical brown women, and were about to be home free, with nothing but a boring walk between them and being home again.


    Why did she stop me?


    ¡°What is it?¡± Paul asked, looking at her. She seemed, guilty? Paul already knew it wasn¡¯t her fault she¡¯d been taken.


    ¡°We don¡¯t really have a lot of spare time,¡± Ragnar said, glancing upward furtively.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Paul said placatingly, ¡°I know it wasn¡¯t your-¡±


    ¡°I chose to stay.¡± She interrupted him, her voice soft.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m pregnant.¡± Lora said, holding her stomach gingerly.


    Paul didn¡¯t understand.


    ¡°Why would you stay here because of that?¡±


    ¡°A week ago¡­¡± Lora¡¯s eye began to water, her voice wavering. ¡°I noticed, that when I sing, it makes her happy¡­I can feel it. She¡¯s like me¡­and we can¡¯t keep her. Not there.¡±


    The ground felt like it was falling out from under his feet, Paul¡¯s breath caught in his throat and his knees seemed to lock up.


    ¡°We can¡­figure something out.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to live in fear that one day she¡¯ll be taken. I love you and you were the best thing that ever happened to me, but I¡¯m not na?ve enough to believe the same thing will happen to her.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s no life for either of you here,¡± Paul said. ¡°There¡¯s an expedition, thousands strong coming here tomorrow, and they¡¯re going to burn this place to the ground if they have to. It¡¯s not going to be about getting you back, it¡¯s going to be about sending a message. Even if you did make it, they¡¯d probably put you in prison. We might never see each other again either way. The only way we¡¯ll make it is if we lay low and wait out the storm.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Lora said, unconsciously clutching her stomach. ¡°My daughter is going to be free. They have the power to make that happen.¡±


    ¡°Your children need their mother.¡± Paul said.


    ¡°I know,¡± She sobbed, ¡°that¡¯s why I asked them to bring them here.¡±


    ¡°What!?¡± Paul shouted. ¡°You would bring them here? where they could ¨C I-¡° He clenched his fist in impotent rage.


    ¡°I need you too. I need my children.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± Lora said, tears streaming down her face. ¡°I know, I just¡­¡± She breathed in a ragged breath. ¡°I can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°This is a real tearjerker, but I didn¡¯t agree to do family counseling. Just knock her out and take her with us. Our window is closing fast.¡± Ragnar said, scanning the surroundings.


    Paul saw an instant of fear in Lora¡¯s eyes, and realized that deep down, under all that love and patience, there was one underlying fact that he couldn¡¯t erase:


    He¡¯d bought her.


    Paul took a deep breath, muscling through the swirling emotions.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never forced you to do anything, and I never will. Please, come with us and I¡¯ll do everything in my power to keep our daughter safe. I came this far for you. What¡¯s a little thing like hiding one girl?¡±


    Lora began sobbing wholeheartedly, sinking to her knees and burying her face in her hands. Paul knew the answer was no.


    ¡°Damn. Going through a rough patch there, buddy?¡± A familiar voice called from above them, making the hair on Paul¡¯s neck stand up.


    He couldn¡¯t possibly still be alive.


    ¡°Family troubles can be hard,¡± The purple boy with green hair said, sauntering into view from behind a trunk. ¡°Maybe¡­and this is just a thought¡­you might want to consider working for the guy whose agenda includes your daughter not being raped by strangers? I¡¯m sure I could finagle a way for all of you to be together as a unit again.¡±


    Paul stared at him, open mouthed. Is he¡­


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m the real thing.¡± Garth said, picking up a twig and flicking it into the brush. ¡°The bolt through the skull didn¡¯t take. I would¡¯ve found you sooner, but I had some whores to save. Long story.¡±


    ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m looking for a few good men and women to be my hands and feet, and you¡¯ve impressed me. How would you like a job?¡±


    ¡°You gonna say something?¡± Garth asked, green eyebrow raised.


    Paul felt like his future was being sheared away by a powerful force, leaving without options.


    ¡°What did you need me to do?¡±


    ¡°Hey, I signed on to get your woman back to Santo Descanso, not join a revolution led by whatever the fuck that is,¡± Ragnar said, snarling at Garth, who seemed to take it in stride.


    ¡°Fastest way to get her back home, is to make home a place she can go back to.¡± Garth said, glancing at Lora, who was frozen with fear.


    ¡°But first things first.¡± Garth said with a grin, holding up a finger. ¡°The expedition into the Green Hell is going to fail. And the scope of that failure and its ultimate body count could depend on you. Can I count on you to take on that responsibility?¡±


    Paul glanced at Lora.


    ¡°If she¡¯s gonna be here when they come, then yes.¡±


    ¡°Excellent. You¡¯re going to be a most valued member of Garth Industries, LLC. Medical, dental, retirement plan, excellent pay, the works.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re¡­The¡­Garth?¡± Lora asked.


    ¡°One and the same. Older brother of that selfish cunt Jim Daniels, pioneer of the Phytomagus class, purveyor of Pot, conjurer of Cocaine, retailer of root beer, chocolate, and ice cream.¡±


    A plant grew in his hand, a tiny weed rolling its own leaves into a cigar, which he then lit with a fire from his thumb.


    Lora started to hyperventilate, staring at the mythic personification of evil.


    ¡°Calm down.¡± Garth said, blowing a ring of smoke at her.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, her eyes half lidded as the smoke rolled past her face.


    Paul watched the exchange as icy fingers worked their way into his gut.


    ¡°Is that how you control them?¡±


    ¡°What this?¡± he asked, looking at the cigar in his hand. ¡°Naw, this is a strong sedative I like to smoke. Grass is the one who controls the Garthspawn.¡±


    ¡°Who is-¡°


    I AM GRASS.


    The forest around them shook violently for a moment.


    The grass is Grass. Good to know. Paul thought, trying to figure out a way to burn the entire forest dow-


    NOT A GOOD IDEA.


    ¡°I guess you could call him my firstborn,¡± The Father of Sin said, tucking the cigar in the corner of his mouth before making another. ¡°He¡¯s a bit rough around the edges, and not particularly bright. I never expected him to be sapient in the first place. Not like Ms. Banyan. I can¡¯t take credit for her, she¡¯s Beladia¡¯s work.


    Brown, identical women melted out of the nearby tree trunks, instantly surrounding them.


    ¡°Want one?¡± he asked, holding another cigar out. ¡°I babied it down for you.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll pass.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯ll fix your wriiiist.¡± The ancient evil sorcerer said, waggling the lit cigar.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll take it.¡± Ragnar said, taking it and inhaling deeply. ¡°Since I¡¯m in this for the long haul apparently.¡±


    ¡°I absolve you of your debt.¡± Paul said. ¡°You can¡¯t help me with this.¡±


    ¡°Not how a blood-debt works,¡± Ragnar said. ¡°You¡¯re stuck with me until she-¡° He pointed at Lora. ¡°Is over there.¡± He pointed toward the city.


    ¡°Unless you wanna try fighting out?¡±


    Paul scanned the thousands of spear-wielding brown naked women that surrounded them in the light of the rising moon, then glanced up at the thousands of Sky-fish swirling above them like a tornado, each one lethal enough to kill dozens of armed soldiers.


    Maybe she is safe here, Paul found himself thinking.


    ¡°Damn,¡± Ragnar said, coughing. ¡°This is some good shit.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 10/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 129: Taking care of Business (and working overtime)

    Chapter 129: Taking care of Business (and working overtime)


    When Garth got back to the Bergstrom manor, he was exhausted, having done three trips back and forth between L.A. and S.D. All he wanted to do was collapse into bed and pass out, maybe bug Bel for a meeting with some of his afterlife buddies.


    Whoever they are.


    Garth knew he had some, just couldn¡¯t remember who they were.


    Wait a minute, couldn¡¯t I just have Bel repeat after me? Memory is weird.


    Garth¡¯s limp arm settled on the doorknob of the Bergtrom Manor, and he leaned against the door more than actively pushing it open.


    Beladia, I¡¯m begging here, all I want to do is go to bed. I¡¯d be happy with just getting some sleep.


    And maybe a blowjob.


    I¡¯m not asking for much.


    Garth stumbled into the main hall of the manor, and found himself being stared at by no less than two dozen whores¡­along with a severely irritated looking Brenda, a couple of her nieces, and Edward Bergstrom (The real one).


    Where¡¯d Paul leave that fancy crossbow? I¡¯ll shoot myself in the head.


    ¡°Right,¡± Garth said, slapping himself in the face to wake up. ¡°Job opportunities.¡±


    ¡°Mr. Smith,¡± Brenda said, her mouth set in a thin line. ¡°Would you mind explaining what these whores are doing here?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Garth said, dragging himself to the nearest couch, where a young woman with large brown breasts, and wide hips that nearly spilled out of her clothes scooted aside for him.


    Garth plopped down on the couch and leaned back, nearly passing out from being comfortable for the first time in twenty hours, since he¡¯d been assassinated early this morning.


    When Garth managed to force his eyes open again, everyone was still looking at him, so it must not have been that long.


    Garth glanced to the side, where the Indian woman was watching him curiously. Indian facial structure wasn¡¯t Garth¡¯s favorite, but he was a man of broad standards, so she was relatively cute, all things considered.


    Except for her nose, which seemed to have been broken repeatedly, and squashed to the side.


    ¡°Got¡¯cher nose.¡± Garth reached out and broke it again.


    Heal


    The nose healed so quickly the woman could only let out a startled yelp before the pain was gone and her nose was straight again.


    Much better.


    ¡°Right,¡± Garth said, looking back at them. ¡°Job opportunities. I don¡¯t want to beat around the bush. Most of you are going to continue working in the fast paced, exciting world of spreading your legs for money.¡±


    ¡°But we¡¯re going to make some changes.¡±


    Garth glanced around the room and spotted a large, fancy looking plant that complemented the main hall¡¯s d¨¦cor.


    It looked heavy and Garth didn¡¯t want to get up.


    ¡°Ed, stop fawning over them and bring me that plant.¡± Garth said, throwing his legs up over the arm of the couch and turning sideways to use the woman¡¯s breasts as a pillow.


    Brenda looked furious.


    The former street rat-cum-Bergstrom bastard child reluctantly got up from between the two young ladies and fetched the massive pot, grunting as he picked it up and hauled it over to Garth.


    ¡°There we go.¡± Once the plant was within easy reach, Garth tore it out of the pot, spraying himself and his pillow with dirt.


    Garth spat out a bit that got in his mouth and tossed aside the decorative plant, getting started on his spell.


    Something with a decent amount of surface area. A fern would do nicely.


    ¡°Now, could you whores decide amongst yourselves on who the three bravest, most selfless, altruistic women among you are? I¡¯m not interested in someone who¡¯d bail on you given the chance, or abuse their power, because believe me, they¡¯re going to have that temptation. Think carefully. I want whores who are invested. Bonus points if they got hurt trying to stop the kidnappers this weekend.¡±


    As the whores conferred among themselves, Garth turned his attention to a single mote that only he could sense.


    Let¡¯s see. Ahem. Your job is to leak a mildly addictive chemical cocktail into the air that will inhibit male aggression, inflame lust and boost energy, sensitivity, trust and generosity. In short, I want you to make their Johns docile repeat spenders. I know aggression and lust are a little tough to tease apart, but I¡¯ll count on you.


    On the flip side, I want you to dull female anxiety, boost confidence and energy. I know, it¡¯s a bit of a mixed bag, but you can do it.


    Make your new home a great place to forget about your worries and fuck.


    ¡­And spend money.


    Design Plant


    A moment later, a crimson fern unrolled from the center of the pot of dirt, causing Garth to giggle uncontrollably, drawing a lot of strange looks.


    The Red Fern.


    ¡°That¡­is an excellent name for a brothel.¡±


    But would it be shitting all over a decent Y/A book about ¡®coon dogs, along with native American myths?


    Garth didn¡¯t really care.


    A couple minutes later, the three bravest, most respectable whores stood in front of Garth in his office. Each and every one of them had some indication of a beating. Split lips, black eyes, and broken noses.


    They were all a bit older than the others, maybe in their late twenties, old enough to have some forethought, but not too old for sex work.


    The girl on the left was Justine, brown hair, brown eyed, crooked teeth and a bit dumpy. In the middle was Claire, with stringy blonde hair, broad hips, and a scar on her lower lip. On the left was April, another brunette with darker skin, a strong jaw and a modest figure.


    They can¡¯t all be Sandi.


    To be fair Sandi, and every other succubus presented an image that was a composite of every feature Garth¡¯s mind perceived to be attractive or sexually available. Not just hot, but asking for it.


    That was kind of hard to measure up to.


    ¡°Agh,¡± Garth rubbed his eyes before reaching into his desk, yawning. A moment later, he pulled out a shoebox filled to the brim with purified physical Heartstones. About two million credits worth, bought by the Bergstrom family on Garth¡¯s dime.


    ¡°Now before we get started, I want you all to take a vow of secrecy, for your sake and that of your friends. What happens in here stays here.¡±


    One by one, they agreed, swearing not to breathe a word of it.


    ¡°What do you make of these?¡± Garth asked them, opening the box.


    ¡°Heartstones.¡± Claire breathed.


    ¡°Yup. Your new job is going to be secret bouncers. If events like this weekend ever happen again, I¡¯ll expect the three of you to risk your lives to protect your friends. Do you think you can do that?¡±


    The three of them glanced at each other, then back at Garth.


    Justine said, ¡°We already did.¡±


    Garth smirked, pushing the box forward. ¡°Wanna win next time?¡±


    *****


    The first week after Garth got back was a non-stop blur of running from problem to problem, putting out fires. Garth thought he was going to spend the rest of his life rushing from one emergency to the next, but things finally started to slow down for him after the first week.


    The expedition into the Green Hell was an abject failure, sent scurrying back to the safety of Santo Descanso in a matter of days due to a series of poor planning decisions and untimely coincidences, such as food rotting, and animals getting sick. A few men were nearly killed by close calls from a Skyfish attack that effectively crippled the expedition, putting the final nail in the coffin.


    It was determined that had there been any Garthspawn in the ruins of L.A. they would have seen signs of them, or they were dead.


    Although many men got sick, poisoned or injured, there were no losses.


    To the east, the expedition into the desert uncovered evidence of a large number of people travelling on foot, but was forced to turn back when losses to the local wildlife became too great.


    The redheaded guy with the mustache that had been running through the streets in a panic with his baby was actually the patriarch of one of the nine council families, Curt Mcdonnell. They were a rather accomplished family of smiths and tinkers, slowly expanding what could be done with valuable magical minerals. They were also one of the few families with the ability to perform magic: Stunted, pathetic magic suited only for making enchantments, but magic all the same. If anyone could make the parts Garth needed, it would be them.


    Garth made a point of visiting the baby every few days.


    Never hurts to make friends.


    After losing eighteen killers in one day at the ambush, the Dentons backed off, giving Garth some breathing room to get situated. He deliberately avoided a confrontation with them while shoring up his power in the city¡¯s underworld.


    The mine was again filling the Bergstrom¡¯s coffers once Garth flipped the smugglers over to his side and started making regular trips through the dungeon himself. The profits would have been incredible, but Garth was saving the majority of it for personal use.


    The Red Fern started out making him a piddly twenty thousand the first week, but the second drew in sixty thousand. Reviews were good and Garth expected that number to continue to skyrocket.


    Paul was as good as his word, thoroughly tanking the Green Hell expedition, and dealing with the fallout in such a way that attention was drawn away from the possibility of


    After a week, Garthspawn reappeared as if they¡¯d never left, confused and uncertain, but generally well cared for.


    They were interrogated pretty harshly for a while, but eventually, The Exodus was just something that had happened on this crazy planet called Earth.


    Then Garth got The Book, giving him an in-detail accounting of each noble family in the city, from the mouths of their concubines.


    Now Garth had a blueprint of the entire city¡¯s underworld, more complete than any one person could hope to get in their entire lives. All he had to do was tug on the right strings and they¡¯d fall all over themselves.


    Good times.


    After the second week, the Descanso Academy reopened, and Garth saw Alicia for the first time in awhile, standing behind her while the principal announced the plan to instigate more field trips, since the noble kid¡¯s parents seemed to relish the idea of anything that might toughen their children up.


    And if they died, hey, that¡¯s why they had dozens of them.


    Wonder how long that mentality is gonna last.


    ¡°So what¡¯s the standing orders back home?¡± Garth asked, going through the fencing motions with Alicia, admiring the way her slow-motion lunges accentuated her glutes.


    ¡°You want me to spy on my family?¡± She asked, brow raised.


    ¡°Spy is a strong word.¡± Garth said, slowly stepping in as he pushed her blade upward. They wound up face to face, his lips inches away from hers. He could feel her breasts pressing against his chest, and a small part of him demanded that he take another step forward and touch more of her.


    God, I need to get laid in real life, Garth thought, almost magnetically drawn in. Beladia wet dreams weren''t going to cut it much longer


    Alicia smirked, her vibrant blue eyes twinkling before she gave him a slow motion headbutt.


    ¡°I was thinking more along the lines of,¡± Garth said, clutching his nose dramatically and staggering away. ¡°If there was a party line, like ¡®Let¡¯s leave him alone for now¡¯, or ¡®do not engage¡¯¡­not asking you for details, just hoping you could fill me in a little.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s too bad¡­¡± she said, with mock sincerity as she pantomimed stabbing him to death, while he slowly succumbed.


    ¡°E tu, Brute?¡± Garth said, before falling limp.


    ¡°This is swordsmanship training, not a goddamned play!¡±  The instructor shouted into Garth¡¯s ear.


    ¡°Could¡¯a fooled me,¡± Garth muttered, rubbing his ear once the instructor had moved on.


    ¡°People who don¡¯t take their practice seriously are the first ones to die!¡± The instructor shouted, scanning the practicing students with her hands on her hips. ¡°The Principal has upped the stakes for you upper classmen, and the Williams family is hosting another ¡®field trip¡¯ on their property.¡±


    ¡°Some of you..¡± She glanced at Garth. ¡°May get killed, especially when you act like fighting is a joke.¡±


    Alicia offered Garth a hand up, the soft skin of the back of her delicate hands at odds with her rough calluses.


    ¡°Whatever she¡¯s planning, she¡¯s not saying anything to any of us.¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°So, I don¡¯t know, expect the unexpected, I guess?¡±


    ¡°Could just be you she¡¯s not talking to.¡± Garth said, rubbing the dirt off his butt.


    ¡°That¡¯s not-¡°


    ¡°You¡¯re my favorite, remember?¡± Garth said with a grin. ¡°Why would they include you in any plan against me?¡±


    Alicia¡¯s jaw dropped, then she went red and bonked him on the head with the wooden sword.


    Garth Daniels


    Advanced Phyto-Human


    Warning! Subject is wanted by the Core for war crimes. Authorities have been alerted!


    Apostle of Beladia & Pala


    -Strength- 13


    -Endurance- 14


    -Speed- 15


    -Intelligence- 19


    -Memory- 19


    -Senses- 18


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility, Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Affinity


    Class: Neophyte Phytolich


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting, Divine Lantern Style, Create Life,


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin, Cleanse


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind, Mind palace, Memory Lane, Plant Biology, Control Weather, Racial Advancement.


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 11/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 130: Doodles & Plans

    ¡°Aren¡¯t those poisonous?¡±  Paul asked as Garth ate a purple heartstone with only a few minor blemishes, courtesy of Gloria Pendleton.


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°Nevermind.¡±


    The two of them were seated in Garth¡¯s Bergstrom Office, with a few adjustments of account for potential assassination attempts: A pair of large houseplants flanked Paul, ready to restrain him in an instant.


    Paul was reliable, in the sense that he was good at getting work done and thinking on his feet, but Garth didn¡¯t have any illusions that the man had a sense of loyalty. Not yet.


    Garth wasn¡¯t interested in getting shot in the head again and losing two weeks of progress.


    ¡°So here¡¯s my problem,¡± Garth said, leaning forward. ¡°I have a somewhat infamous mien.¡±


    ¡°Really.¡± Paul raised a brow.


    ¡°And my public identity eats up a lot of my time. I need someone to help manage¡­¡± Garth cleared his throat and pulled out a large book bound in black leather with a gold leaf title:


    ¡°Really?¡± Paul asked, glancing at the cover.


    ¡°You like it? I got it made special.¡±


    Paul shifted uncomfortably in his seat. ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°Anyway. My influence is pretty limited right now, because the Dentons took a piece out of me when The Fire was going down. A large portion of the crews who handle protection rackets got murdered and the rest switched sides. I¡¯m down a lot of muscle and a bit of income.¡±


    ¡°The things I¡¯m still in control of include a whorehouse called The Red Fern rapidly approaching respectability.¡± Garth said, flipping through his personal notes, looking for a blank spot. He almost had an eidetic memory again, so he mostly used the book to practice for changing his appearance.


    ¡°The adamantium mine to the northeast, and you¡­and a guy named Cole who¡¯s too dumb to bail on a sinking ship.¡±


    What Garth needed was an organization, fresh from the ground up, without any conflicting loyalties. He needed talented personnel that the Dentons were entirely unaware of.


    ¡°You¡¯re a detective, right?¡± Garth asked, lacing his fingers together.


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure you already knew that.¡±


    ¡°Paul, I want to tell you a story from eight hundred and fifty six years ago.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°I was playing Call of Duty, and there was this guy-¡°


    ¡°How do you play someone¡¯s call of duty?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a game, don¡¯t interrupt. There was this guy who had a party full of monsters. He beat the ever-loving crap out of us. I was the only person who even got close to an even kill/death ratio. Do you know what happened afterwards?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t even know what you¡¯re talking about.¡± Paul admitted.


    ¡°He invited me, the best person on the opposing team to join his party, and his party of five monsters became a party of six, and we fucking cleaned up for hours. He did this after every match, inviting the best player from the opposing team.¡±


    Ah to be a teenager in the 2000¡¯s again.


    Paul watched him expectantly.


    ¡°You¡¯re law enforcement. Are there up-and-coming gangs, Paul? Kids somewhere between fourteen and twenty, scrappy as hell?¡±


    ¡°Five or six.¡± He said.


    ¡°I want you to use your position to crush them. Disabuse them of the notion that they¡¯ll ever make it in a profession like this. Use the opportunity, the conflict, to identify the one or two most talented individuals from each of those gangs, the ones with balls of steel who hold the whole gang up. Isolate them from the others, get them some tailored clothes, a big meal, a bath, a whore¡­give them everything they¡¯ve ever dreamed of the upper crust enjoying. Spare no expense. Get them addicted to the lifestyle, and then point them my direction.¡±


    Garth gave a big grin. ¡°We¡¯re gonna make a Family.¡±


    ¡°And how do you expect me to afford that?¡±


    ¡°Small business loan.¡± Garth said, closing his doodle book before reaching into his desk and pulling out one of his modified status bands, with two cubic feet of secret storage.


    ¡°There¡¯s two hundred thousand credits in here, don¡¯t spend it all in one place. And please, don¡¯t let me find out you spent this on yourself instead of using it to woo young men.¡±


    ¡°And I suppose I get the shaft?¡± The greying man asked.


    ¡°Well, I was thinking to myself what I could pay a family man with.¡±


    ¡°What, do I get to visit my wife if I dance to your tune well enough?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°I was thinking more along the lines of actual payment.¡± Garth said, revealing a small box of heartstones. ¡°For your kids, if you want. I know getting enough for all of them is beyond your income, So I¡¯ll pay you by assuming one of your expenses.¡±


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t show up on my taxes, either.¡± Paul said, eyeing the box. ¡°Alright, I¡¯ll take it, but I want to see my wife.¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°No one¡¯s stopping you.¡±


    Paul put on the status band and after a moment, figured out how to use the smuggler¡¯s stash, stowing away the heartstones.


    ¡°How do you intend to fund a crew composed entirely of talented, wealth-addicted, ambitious young men who aren¡¯t afraid of anything?¡± Paul asked. ¡°Your money can¡¯t be infinite.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to expand into drug distribution.¡± Garth said.


    Paul¡¯s eyebrows rose.


    ¡°The drug trade is set in stone. You¡¯d be competing with the Gonzales family, who practically own their own separate fortress city to the north, in some of the only farmable land available. They¡¯ve got enough free land to raise hidden plots of poppy, marijuana, and coca, which they use to pad their more legal income. They don¡¯t tolerate competition well. You could probably sell a little here and there for chump change on a streetcorner, but the minute you tried to establish a presence or start your own plantations, they would crush you.¡±


    ¡°Let me deal with that problem, you woo me some go-getters.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Paul said, standing up. ¡°Is that all you wanted?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want you too deep in my business just yet, for plausible deniablility,¡± Garth said. ¡°So yes.¡±


    Paul gave him one last look and turned on his heel, walking out of Garth¡¯s office. In the moment the door was open, he made out Ragnar approaching Paul, his tail wagging.


    ¡°Did you get another one of those cigars?¡±


    Garth chuckled and reopened his notebook, picked up a piece of charcoal and began sketching. Garth needed to develop his artistic visualization before he changed his appearance.


    While he doodled naked men, he pondered his problems.


    Paul was right: he was hemorrhaging money.


    Two million to keep the Bergstroms afloat, two to outfit his whorehouse with noble-level bouncers. One hundred thousand for a months worth of heartstones for Paul¡¯s kids, two hundred earmarked for recruitment.


    He wasn¡¯t making any money from the Adamantium mines, in fact he was breaking even stockpiling the tiny crystals the size of his pinky he bought from the smugglers with the tax revenue.


    Garth hadn¡¯t intended to get back into the drug trade, as lucrative as it was, for fear of being outed as Garth.


    Now that he¡¯d had time to think about it, all he had to do was maintain the status quo: not heavily modify the product or make it float or cast spells on the people who snorted it.


    Boring.


    The last thought anyone ever had was that he was Garth, mythical ancient evil wizard. Paul hadn¡¯t even bought it. He¡¯d panicked a bit at first, but once he¡¯d had time to process it, he¡¯d believed Garth was a male Garthspawn.


    ¡°If anyone thought twice about it though,¡± Garth said, running his off hand through his short green hair. ¡°Garthspawn don¡¯t have green hair.¡±


    The people he really needed to avoid were the extremely nosy ones like Paul, and ones who knew him personally from before.


    Not a whole lot of those.


    In the trillions of worlds, a drug distribution ring changing hands from one gang to another would draw precisely no attention.


    It probably wouldn¡¯t even show up on the Empire¡¯s radar.


    The Gonzales family wouldn¡¯t admit they were getting pushed around. Something told Garth that their secret fields were going to wilt and die, soon.


    Garth started working on sketching his ideal V muscles, working down toward the junk. Chicks dig the V muscle. Well, Sandi hadn¡¯t really been able to tell one human from another very well, but Nat had liked ¡®em, along with every other chick he¡¯d ever met.


    Muscular, but not intimidatingly muscular. Some ladies don¡¯t want to be smothered.


    Garth started drawing the hips and thighs.


    Then again, some do.


    Garth worked downward until the feet, then realized he hadn¡¯t given his prototype ideal self a penis, leaving a gaping blank spot in the center.


    Garth sighed and started filling it in¡­.


    Garth stopped and looked at his work, finding it not quite what he wanted, erasing the crudely drawn dong and starting over.


    That one didn¡¯t turn out good either.


    Suddenly, Garth realized he¡¯d been obsessing over drawing dick for over half an hour.


    There¡¯s gotta be something better to do.


    ¡°Screw this.¡± Garth set the charcoal down and pushed the book away. Garth stood up and left his office, heading down the stairs to the main hall.


    ¡°Where are you heading?¡± Rachel Bergstrom asked as he stalked toward the door.


    ¡°Gonna hit a bar and see if I can get l can get lucky.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s stupid, why don¡¯t you just get-¡°


    ¡°Because,¡± Garth said, rounding on her before falling silent. ¡­.because the Garthspawn are my kids? Because there¡¯s a power dynamic? Because I¡¯m the whore¡¯s boss? Because everyone who knows me wants something from me, and sticking my dick in them is tacit agreement to whatever their evil plan is?


    ¡°Just because.¡± Garth turned back and clomped out the door.


    Garth walked down the dark streets, out into the trade district where the foot traffic picked up, heading for the closest bar, a bit higher quality than others, due to its proximity to the noble quarter.


    Garth was drawn to the lights and music, angling toward the door and coming inside, the smell of beer and food washing over him.


    There were maybe two women there, obviously with other people, and the rest looked like tired paper pushers after a long day in the cubicle.


    ¡°Nope,¡± Garth said, spinning on his heel and heading for the next.


    ***Alicia***


    ¡°I think he¡¯s gone,¡± Alicia said, raising her head above the hedge to peer at the mansion.


    Aunt Maggie had asked them to see if they could get any more information on the phytomage, potentially uncover the secret behind his magic, if the man was stupid enough to leave it lying around.


    None of them thought he was that stupid, but the man¡¯s behavior was often erratic. There was every possibility that they would find something valuable in his office.


    ¡°Third floor, second window on the left,¡± Benedette said, hiking the rope up on her shoulder.


    They glanced around, made sure no one was watching, then crept up to the side of the Bergstrom estate.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t even hire guards,¡± Alicia scoffed under her breath. ¡°The Bergstroms were practically asking for it.¡±


    Benedette put her hands on the ground and Alicia stepped on them, launching high up into the air, where she caught herself on the third floor window. The wood of the windowsill creaked for a second before settling under Alicia¡¯s modest weight. She tested the window: Locked.


    ¡°damn,¡± she muttered, fishing a bit of adhesive skin from a Sticky Toad out of her belt pouch, dangling one handed. She slapped it on the window and tapped the glass with her knuckle hard enough to shatter it, peeling the sticky skin away to reveal a large round hole.


    ¡°Watch out below,¡± she whispered, tucking up the glass and tossing it past Benedette. Alicia hauled herself up with one hand and reached up through the hole in the window, opening the lock before sliding the window up and crawling through.


    Once Alicia was inside, Benedette tossed the rope up, and she pulled her sister up into the window. Benedette had invested more of her allowance into looking pretty and buying gifts for her friends. Alicia didn¡¯t quite understand. Everything fell down to you in the end, why not make yourself as tough as possible?


    On the other hand, Benedette had a lot more friends, and that was a problem that had reared its head more than once.


    Once Benedette joined her, the two of them stopped and waited a moment to see if anyone was coming to investigate the quiet noises.


    A minute later, and the house was still silent.


    Once they were sure no one was coming, Alicia lit the lamp while Benedette scanned the office.


    ¡°Criminal Enterprises of Edward Bergstrom?¡± Benedette asked, hefting the large black book on the table.


    ¡°He thinks he¡¯s funny.¡± Alicia said, glancing over before setting the lamp back on its wall-mount.


    ¡°I think he¡¯s gay.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Alicia asked, returning to join her sister, who flipped through page after page of doodles of naked men. At the beginning they were awfully amateurish, but page by page, they were improving¡­


    That wasn¡¯t what caught her attention though.


    Beside each drawing were notes, detailing Edward¡¯s businesses:


    They were far more limited than their worst case scenario. Where is he getting the money?


    As Benedette flipped through the pages, chuckling, Alicia spotted a note that gave her a clue as to Edward¡¯s goals.


    Mcdonnel family has the skills to create heartstone refiner. Look for recipes?


    Alicia glanced at Benedette, who was perhaps enjoying the illustrations a bit more than she should be. Why isn¡¯t she reading the notes?


    ¡°Hold on a second,¡± Alicia said, pausing a page and staring hard at the notes.


    Tax Carnifax¡¯s infrastructure. Hire lawyer? Need a projected yearly income.


    ¡°Oh, so this is one your type?¡± Benedette asked with a raised brow. ¡°They actually all seem a little¡­same-y to me.¡±


    Alicia ignored her, staring hard at the notes¡­that seemed to wriggle under her gaze. They¡¯re mana! I¡¯m the only one who can read these!


    Without waiting for her, Benedette flipped forward, revealing a drawing of a naked young woman lunging forward with a rapier, a curvaceous butt jutting out suggestively behind her. She had a slim build down to wide hips, and straight black hair down to her jaw.


    At the bottom was a bit of scrawled text.


    ¡°Oh look, it¡¯s you. Maybe he¡¯s not all gay. Like, ninety nine percent gay?¡±


    ¡°My butt is not that big!¡± Alicia hissed, looking up at Benedette. ¡°And it doesn¡¯t look like that when you lunge, she¡¯s practically breaking her spine to stick her butt out!¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­¡± Benedette glanced at Alicia¡¯s behind with a pensive look. ¡°You kinda do look like that when you do lunges. All I can say is¡­take it as a compliment? Men would kill for you to sit on them with that thing.¡±


    Alicia took a deep steadying breath, fighting the urge to murder her sister.


    I could kill her right here, and no one would know. No one at all¡­


    A large leaf from the nearby potted plant wrapped around her wrist, nearly startling Alicia out of her skin.


    ¡°What the hell!¡± She shouted, reaching for her sword with her other hand. The potted plant bent down and curled more of its long leaves around both arms, suspending her in the air.


    ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± Benedette cried, standing in the center of the room completely unmolested by the plant behind her.


    ¡°How should I know?¡± Alicia whispered, struggling against the plant, barely able to pull her arms inward toward the pommel of her blade. ¡°Help me!¡±


    Benedette reached toward her knife when the plant behind her sprung into sudden motion, lashing a dozen long, flat leaves around her and dangling her up in the air with a yelp.


    The two sisters struggled in midair for a good five minutes, and Alicia was finally able to reach her blade, but she wasn¡¯t able to draw it.


    Damn it! Alicia, increasingly desperate, leaned her head over to bite the leaves around her arms, but three more bands locked around her head, pinning her in place.


    At that point, the powerlessness made her lose it, thrashing mindlessly in the plant¡¯s grip, just shy of screaming her lungs out. The only thing that stopped her was the knowledge that if the Bergstroms found her here, incapacitated, they would make her disappear.


    Drawing attention to themselves was a sure way to get killed.


    In Alicia¡¯s mindless thrashing, she felt the pot rock a bit, and she realized if she toppled the plant over she might be able to kill it and get free.


    As soon as Alicia thought of rocking back and forth, more leaves wrapped around her waist and held her completely motionless.


    Come on!


    ¡°You still haven¡¯t figured it out?¡± Benedette asked, drawing Alicia¡¯s attention to where the guardian plant was gently lowering her to the ground.


    ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°Stop trying to struggle. Sometimes you just gotta relax and let them have their way with you.¡±


    ¡°Why do you have to make everything about sex?¡± Alicia whispered, but followed her sister¡¯s advice, relaxed and just¡­waited.


    The bands around her waist slowly retracted, followed by her head, and finally the plant set her down on the ground and released her arms.


    ¡°C¡¯mon,¡± Benedette said, ¡°let¡¯s look for something actually useful.¡±


    Alicia caught her breath, rubbed her wrists and glanced at the black leatherbound book. She couldn¡¯t keep reading it while Benedette was in the same room, or she¡¯d tip her off that there was more to it.


    I wonder what the note at the bottom of my page said, a little voice said in the back of her mind, curious to know what he thought of her.


    They scrounged through the office, not bothering to leave everything the way they found it: They¡¯d broken the window on the way in.


    They found a couple hundred thousand in cash, and confiscated it.


    They found six torn apart Status Bands tucked in the bottom left drawer, a stash of cigars, and little else. The books in the room all belonged to the Patriarch before Edward had confiscated it, and none of them held anything but a bit of mold.


    Alicia was drawn back to the book, her fingers itching with the desire to read what he thought of her. If it even is about you¡­


    Finally Alicia gave in, deciding it would be less suspicious to take a quick glance than to hover around the damn thing all night.


    She flipped the book open again, to a chuckle from her sister, until she came back to the drawing of her.


    You make the Rockin¡¯ world go round!


    What does that even mean!? Alicia thought, studying the text and shaking her head. Curious, Alicia flipped to the next page, where the whole page was dominated by another drawing of a naked man, with notes pointing to various parts of his anatomy, noting head to body ratio, shoulder to waist, v-muscles?


    New body must be ideal. Find a way to average physical attractiveness data. Perhaps use information tracking with a revised version of succubi¡¯s Lure? Reset to male and find an average.


    ¡°So he knows how to enchant. This is good information.¡± Benedette said, hands on her hips. ¡°We also took another bite out of him with the cash. That and the gay thing, and we can modify our strategy.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think he¡¯s gay.¡± Alicia said, reading through more


    ¡°Even gay men can appreciate a bubble butt.¡±


    ¡°You notice how all the drawings are similar?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s his type.¡±


    ¡°I think he wants to change the way he looks.¡±


    Benedette¡¯s eyebrows raised. ¡°That¡¯s¡­a possibility I hadn¡¯t considered. Can he do that?¡±


    ¡°Idunno.¡± Alicia shrugged, absorbing more of Edward¡¯s secret plans as she flipped through the book, trying not to let on that she was reading until she got to the end of the notebook.


    ¡°Oh wait, I just realized something!¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°What?¡± Benedette asked, glancing up from where she was preparing to climb back down the rope.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t see you in here at all.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s pretty petty, Al.¡± Benedette said with a scowl before dropping below the window sill.


    ¡°Should have left you to get molested by the plant.¡± Her voice came through the window.


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 12/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 131: Meeting the Competition

    ¡°?Don¡¯t..stop, Beliieeeeving!¡± Garth belted out the last song of the night while stunned onlookers gawked at him. Behind Garth, the Illusory band provided the music to the ancient song. As long as no groupies jumped on stage and tried to touch them, everything was cool.


    In the corner of the little bar abutting the slums, Garth had reintroduced the concept of karaoke: It didn¡¯t go great.


    Garth ducked out of the way of a wooden mug, his drunken reflexes still up to the challenge of dodging audience thrown shrapnel. Mostly.


    ¡°Hold on to that feeeeellllingg!¡±


    ¡°Get the fuck outta here!¡± a big bald man shouted, throwing a knife at Garth. He tried to bob out of the way, and the handle richocheted off his shoulder.


    Garth had never been a fan of karaoke when he was alive the first time, but not giving a fuck about what people thought about him was liberating.


    Garth had misunderstood the culture. Eight hundred years in the future had changed the way to get laid drastically.


    Garth wasn¡¯t sure exactly how you did it now, but going to a bar and picking up a cougar was no longer on the menu, so Garth had been stuck hopping from boring bar to boring bar, until finally he decided to take matters into his own hands with some karaoke.


    Some of the people in the bar were ignoring him, some watching, some getting more and more angry, like the big bruiser front and center in front of the stage.


    His wife was sitting across from him, laughing at Garth. There were half a dozen laborers sprinkled around the room, minding their own business, and in the corner was a slender woman with pure white hair, gnarled knuckles and wrinkled skin, watching with amusement.


    I mean, I could go for a cougar, but that is maybe a bit too old for me.


    ¡°I know I said that was the last song, but with a crowd like this, how could I quit now? Next song¡¯s for this guy,¡± Garth said, singling out the huge fellow. ¡°He knows what I¡¯m talking about. I feel a connection between us.¡±


    Garth took a deep breath. ¡°I like big butts and I cannot lie!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s it you little shit!¡±


    ¡°You other brothers ¨C ack!¡± The guy leaped up on the stage and tackled Garth, who only had enough spare presence of mind to have the illusions run behind the curtain before they disappeared. In the meantime, the man locked his meaty hands around Garth¡¯s throat, making it difficult to sing.


    Difficult, but not impossible.


    ¡°Can¡¯t deny, when a girl-¡°


    Garth got picked up. Even though he had unnatural strength, he still only weighed about a hundred and forty pounds.


    In the next second, Garth was tossed from the stage, ragdolling through some furniture and tumbling across the rough wooden floor. The only thing preventing a healthy amount of splinters and bruising was Bark Skin.


    Spells are coming along nicely, Garth thought as he hit the bar and pulled himself to his feet. he was approximately a quarter as powerful as he¡¯d been at his best. Enough to multitask a little.


    The real question is, what are the stat limits of a phytolich? Sooner or later he¡¯d run into the same problem as before, and his improvement would bottleneck until he proved to the gods that he deserved an upgrade.


    Can¡¯t imagine a phytolich would be any weaker than a phytomagus.


    ¡°Two more shots,¡± Garth said, dropping two credits on the table, the hollow golden coins the size of a quarter.


    When was the last time I handled money this small? Garth thought to himself as he downed what was close to pure fiery alcohol. I wonder if I could gargle fire with these things.


    The big guy tromped up to Garth from the stage, intending to take the scrap further.


    ¡°Look,¡± Garth said, turning to face him with his second shot. ¡°You wanted me off the stage, I¡¯m off the stage. That tumble through the chairs probably broke something. Why bother with me when you could go home and go balls deep?¡± Garth nodded at the man¡¯s plain wife, who looked a little exasperated at her husband¡¯s antics.


    ¡°Sometimes pieces of shit get cocky and need a lesson in manners.¡±


    ¡°Define irony.¡± Garth said, downing the second shot before kicking the man in the nuts.


    Hard.


    The big man curled in on himself, his face going red, The veins standing out on the side of his neck and face as he fell to the ground.


    ¡°And now you¡¯re going to spend the rest of the night with an icepack pressed to your balls. What have we learned?¡±


    ¡°Uugh.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. Moderation.¡±


    ¡°Another shot.¡±


    ¡°I think you¡¯ve had enough.¡± The bartender said, eyeing the man being flipped over by his wife. He seemed to be having trouble breathing.


    ¡°No, you don¡¯t understand, my tolerance is super high. Really.¡± Garth said, leaning his weight on the bar. I¡¯m generically engineered to be tough.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re done.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re just as bad as the first six bartenders.¡± Garth muttered.


    ¡°Hey, kid.¡± A rough voice called.


    There was a light pat on his shoulder, and Garth turned to see the withered woman who¡¯d been watching him from the corner.


    She was wearing a red shirt, brown riding pants, along with leather boots that nearly came up to her knees. She was dressed better than everyone else in the bar with the possible exception of Garth himself.


    Well, after that tumble through the chairs, I can write these clothes off.


    ¡°Sorry Ma¡¯am, not really interested in G.I.L.F.s. No offence intended, you¡¯re just way outside my strike zone.


    ¡°I¡¯m not here to hit on you, kid.¡±


    ¡°Could you at least pretend to be? It would do wonders for my self-esteem.¡±


    She chuckled, shaking her head.


    What the heck is she here for, then?


    ¡°You made me laugh. It¡¯s been a long time since I¡¯ve seen an idiot like you get up on stage and belt out bad poetry with such conviction.¡±


    ¡°Yes, well, I consider myself something of an artist. Wrote them all myself, you know?¡±


    Anyone who cared about copyright infringement is dead. Actually, pretty much everything¡¯s public domain by now.


    She chuckled. ¡°Like hell you did. I¡¯m guessing you heard them from a vinyl record at the palace?¡±


    Icy fingers went down the back of Garth¡¯s spine and he sobered up in an instant.


    Crap, the woman knew the freaking songs. What was the most appropriate way to play off the woman¡¯s suggestion? Lean into it.


    ¡°You¡¯re right, I visited the palace with my dad when I was younger,¡± Garth said with a chuckle. ¡°Figured these shmucks wouldn¡¯t be able to tell the difference.¡±


    ¡°Visited the palace, eh? When?¡± the woman asked, leaning closer, and Garth felt something closing in around him, not a physical presence, but more like an idea. it pressed against his skin and made his hair stand up.


    Abort, abort!


    Something about the little old lady was setting off alarm bells in Garth¡¯s head.


    ¡°Oh, somewhere between five and ten years ago,¡± Garth said being as vague as possible. Surely there was a ball in that five year period. ¡°My dad brought the family out to kiss the ring, so to speak.¡±


    ¡°And who is your dad?¡± She asked, her smile getting wider.


    ¡°You know what?¡± Garth said, stifling a yawn. ¡°I¡¯m really starting to get tired. As much as I love getting grilled for details, I should probably go home and get some sleep.¡±


    ¡°At least tell me your name.¡± she said.


    ¡°I tell you what,¡± Garth said, stumbling away from the bar. ¡°You answer one question, and I¡¯ll give you my name.¡±


    ¡°Shoot,¡± she said.


    ¡°Where can a guy get laid around here?¡± Garth said, angling toward the door. ¡°I¡¯ve been cruising the bars, and nothing.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m new in town, so I don¡¯t know for certain, but if I had to guess, probably the fighting pits.¡±


    ¡°Thanks,¡± Garth said, nodding. ¡°My name¡¯s Edward Bergstrom, have a good night.¡±


    ¡°Thanks for the music,¡± She said, waving him off. ¡°I especially enjoyed the electric guitar. Where is the rest of your band, anyway?¡±


    Crap.


    Garth¡¯s first instinct was to excuse himself and run like hell, then a thought occurred to him.


    How does she know what an electric guitar is? Or even what it sounds like? Garth glanced back at the old woman watched him with a casual smile.


    What¡¯s the worst that could happen?


    Your soul gets imprisoned for all of eternity, a niggling voice warned Garth.


    Let¡¯s roll those dice.


    Garth sidled back up to the bar. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll bite. How do you know what an electric guitar is?¡±


    ¡°Been living at the palace a while,¡± She said with a shrug. ¡°Worked there as a maid for forty years.¡±


    And you just so happened to ask specifically what one instrument was, and they bothered to answer? It was unlikely, but a lot can happen in forty years. Hell, why would the royals even know?


    ¡°And your name?¡±


    ¡°Linda Callahan.¡±


    ¡°Nice to meet you,¡± he said, offering his hand.


    ¡°Same.¡±


    Everything went black.


    ¡­.


    ¡­¡­.


    Garth was sitting in the living room playing Call of Duty, his feet up on the bookshelf  where the TV was stationed, barely four feet away from the grainy, boxy screen. His family hadn¡¯t bothered to buy a flatscreen while the old TV still worked.


    ¡°Take that you fucker.¡± Garth growled, right before missing his shot. The sniper bullet sailed right over the other guy¡¯s shoulder as he charged in with his submachine gun going full auto. Garth ducked back behind the corner of the hall, and when the clip ran dry, charged out and knifed the enemy in the face while he was reloading.


    He heard movement behind him, and instinctively grabbed the submachine gun off the corpse and spun around, filling another two enemies with holes, leaping up from the middle of the pack to the top in a fraction of a second.


    Why do I suck at sniping? Garth was much better at CQC even though he really wanted to be a sniper. They were so much cooler!


    Garth was pretty sure it was because sniping was just point and shoot with accuracy while CQC was quick thinking and moving fast to outsmart the other guy, with less focus on accuracy.


    ¡°Garth.¡±


    Garth glanced over his shoulder as his mom stormed into the room.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You need to feed the dog.¡± She said, her eyebrows furrowed together, her mouth downturned in her signature scowl.


    What is she talking about? I love my dog. I freakin¡¯ feed him every day-


    An emaciated black lab with swirling black eyes limped into the room, its ribs sticking out from its gaunt frame, belly hugging its spine.


    ¡°You asked for him, but you don¡¯t do anything with him, you don¡¯t feed him, you don¡¯t play with him or take him out on walks. What was the point, Garth?¡±


    That¡¯s not my dog. Garth¡¯s dog didn¡¯t have swirling black eyes, that was for damn sure. He wasn¡¯t starved either.


    This isn¡¯t my house. Garth thought, glancing around the room. I haven¡¯t lived here in nearly twenty years.


    The dog stepped forward, its unclipped nails clicking on the wooden floor. It licked Garth¡¯s hand, looking up at him.


    ¡°Well, are you gonna take care of it, or do I have to take him back?¡±


    Garth stood out of his chair. This is a dream.


    There¡¯s only one person who communicates through hard to understand prophetic dreams.


    ¡°Pala, can¡¯t you just tell me what you want?¡± Garth asked.


    His mom frowned, an ugly, froglike expression.


    ¡°No.¡±


    The dream ended as a brilliant light poured into his eyes, singing his eyeballs and forcing him awake.


    Garth tried to open his eyes, but the light was too bright, and he had to sit there for a moment with his eyes closed while they adapted.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Garth asked, peering through his watering eyes.


    There was a brilliant magical light shining directly into his face, while the room around him was cast in darkness. There was a silhouette in front of him, his eyes unable to make them out through the glare.


    ¡°Good to know you¡¯re sticking with the classics,¡± Garth said, smacking his lips. The extreme dryness in his mouth indicated he¡¯d been slackjawed unconscious for an hour or two.


    The important question was Pala¡¯s message.


    Garth ignored whatever the person in front of him was saying and delved into his rapidly fading memory of the dream. Pala said there was a dog. She said she¡¯d given it to him, and would take it away if he dodn¡¯t take care of it.


    The dog was a metaphor, obviously, so what had she given him that Garth hadn¡¯t been taking care of?


    Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Affinity, Garth mentally ticked off all his blessings. The only one he hadn¡¯t really used was Shadow Affinity. The dog had looked¡­shadowy.


    Pretty simple message. Use the blessing I gave you or I¡¯ll take it away.


    ¡°Are you listening to me?¡± The person across from him asked, his voice had an ominous edge to it.


    ¡°Not really, no.¡± Garth said, refocusing. It was a man, that much he could tell from the voice and the line of his jaw.


    Wonder how they knocked me out. I suspect magic was involved.


    ¡°Put your hands on the scanner.¡±


    Garth glanced down at his hands that were manacled to the table, and there was a  crystal orb just within reach, about a quarter the size of a Class Imprinter.


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    Garth put his palms on the orb.


    Light flared up inside the orb and Garth¡¯s attributes began to scroll down the opposite side of the orb, all jumbled up and unreadable.


    Garth couldn¡¯t see the man¡¯s expression, but he was pretty sure the man was confused.


    ¡°Anything else you needed?¡± Garth asked. ¡°by the way, you got some water or something? I¡¯ve been drinking all night, and I need some water to take the edge off the hangover I¡¯m sure to have tomorrow. Oh, and some pretzels.¡±


    Without a word, the shadow on the other side of the table stood and left.


    ¡°Well, damn,¡± Garth muttered.


    Garth tried to pull mana out of the environment, but the collar seemed to interfere with his ability to weave it together, forming a kind of polar opposite and forcing individual strands of mana apart as he wove them together.


    Hm..


    Any help here, Shadow Affinity? Garth thought.


    For a couple minutes, there was nothing, then a prickling sensation crawled along Garth¡¯s skin. The shadows around Garth¡¯s feet began to swirl, brushing up against his ankles with a cold sensation that reminded him of Pala.


    The swirling is nice, but are you going to do anything?


    The shadows continued to swirl under him, doing precisely nothing.


    Be nice if you gave me a briefing on how to use this blessing, Garth thought, rolling his eyes.


    The door opened again and a rather thin silhouette walked in and sat down in front of him.


    ¡°Who are you?¡± the old woman¡¯s voice came from the shadow.


    ¡°Hi Linda.¡±


    ¡°Who are you?¡± she repeated.


    ¡°Could I get some pretzels?¡±


    ¡°Who are you?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯m gonna answer that,¡± Garth said, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. ¡°¡¯Cuz I don¡¯t think you¡¯re a retired maid, and beyond that, I think you weren¡¯t even interested in having sex with me.¡±


    ¡°Look, tell me what I want to know now, or we¡¯re going to have to start pulling out things that don¡¯t grow back.¡±


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you just read my mind?¡± Garth asked with a grin.


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t seem to work. Are you from the Inner Spheres? Are you a Royal?¡±


    Garth shrugged.


    ¡°For the last time. Tell me who you are.¡±


    ¡°Harry Potter.¡±


    ¡°Are you serious?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s my name.¡± Garth said, then raised a brow. ¡°Unless you have a reason to believe that¡¯s a fake name?¡±


    ¡°I know it¡¯s a fake name,¡± she said, leaning forward, until Garth could make out her white eyebrows, lowered as she glared at him.


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± Garth asked with a grin. ¡°You read it in a book somewhere, Linda?¡±


    She tapped her fingers on the table.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna find out who, or what, you are. And you¡¯re gonna wish you had just told me.¡±


    ¡°Same here,¡± Garth said. ¡°There¡¯s gotta be only so many people from the twenty-first century like you wandering around.¡±


    Linda stopped tapping the table.


    ¡°Maybe you knew what an electric guitar sounded like,¡± Garth said, ¡°What it was called, and maybe you¡¯ve heard those songs on vinyl, but how did you know to point it out specifically unless you knew it was impossible for me to use one? Guess I¡¯ll just have to ask around for nine-hundred year old women after I escape. Can¡¯t be too many of those.¡±


    ¡°No need. Since you¡¯re not walking out of here anytime soon, I¡¯ll fill you in. You¡¯re looking at the leader of the Prima Regula. And you, Edward Bergstrom, have been making quite a mess here in Santo Descanso, attracting unwanted attention.¡±


    She watched him like a hawk, weighing his reaction.


    ¡°Who are the Prima Regula?¡± Garth asked with a shrug.


    ¡°You¡¯re shitting me.¡±


    ¡°Retrograde amnesia?¡±


    ¡°Bullshit.¡±


    Garth shrugged again, and Linda heaved a long sigh. ¡°Whatever enchantment you¡¯ve got on you that makes you unreadable is a pain, so we¡¯ll have to resort to more physical methods of getting your identity out of you. I was hoping it wouldn¡¯t come to that, because you seem like a smart kid.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re going to strip you naked, pull out all your nails and teeth, then peel you like an onion, until you tell us the truth. You sure you wanna go through that?¡±


    ¡°I should be fine.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡± She said, standing. ¡°Be right¡­back.¡±


    Garth maintained the illusion of confidence until she closed the door.


    Fuck! I¡¯m in deep shit! Garth thought, leaning over the table, his brain struggling to figure out a way to bail.


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 13/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 132: Eskapeh Mushroom

    The Problem: Garth was chained to a table and presumably about to be tortured, and somewhere in the building was a caster who was most likely better than him.


    The chick was probably closing on nine hundred years old, but even if she was only how old she looked, that meant she had sixty plus years of experience casting versus his two and a half.


    Wish I could remember what I did while I was dead. The Memory attribute alone wasn¡¯t the key to unlocking soul-memories. Garth felt like they were half remembered dreams.


    The cuffs and collar might be stopping him from using mana, but Garth knew from experience that Blessings weren¡¯t affected.


    ¡°So the choices are¡­ escape, die and lose two weeks of work, or wait here and get tortured.¡±


    Not a fun spread of choices there. Garth leaned down and ran his fingers over the metal around his neck. He could probably disengage it with the spores in the air. Undifferentiated as they were, they¡¯d probably make proto-moss, or some kind of mushroom.


    But, I do need to figure out how Shadow affinity works or else Pala is going to take it away...


    ¡°Hey, can you pick this lock?¡± Garth whispered, pointing at his collar. The swirling shadow below him formed a thin spout and reached up into the collar.


    The collar got a bit cold, and nothing else happened. A moment later the shadow poured back out of it, the swirling pool giving him something like a shrug.


    Freaking useless..


    As if indignant, the shadow began to fade back into the floor.


    ¡°Wait!¡± Garth whispered. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I just don¡¯t know how to use you right, it¡¯s not your fault. Could you maybe hang around and look for an opportunity to help?¡± If he had the blessing active twenty-four-seven he¡¯d bump into the right way to use it a lot faster than hardly ever using it at all.


    The shadow paused for a moment, then bobbed in agreement, resuming its swirling around his ankles.


    ¡°Alright then, let¡¯s do this.¡± Garth wiped a bit of sweat off his forehead and used the tip of his finger to wipe it into the keyhole.


    If I accidently break my neck or cut my head off, so be it.


    Hyper fertility


    Channeling Beladia¡¯s blessing through the tip of his finger struck the hundreds of thousands of microscopic seeds in the lock and forced them to bloom into whatever plant they felt like being at the moment. The environment was dark and wet.


    Thin, glowing mushrooms exploded out of the keyhole with enough force to snap the lock apart, allowing the collar to fall away from his neck, scattering their spores all across the floor.


    Got out of it a lot faster than last time.


    Garth opened the locks on his wrists in a second, then made a Lantern, pulling all the mana in the room into his fist.


    Best way to protect against magic was a lantern.


    Unless she knocked you out with a drug. Garth squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. Shut up, Wilson. He hated second-guessing himself. That¡¯s what Wilson had been for.


    Garth looked down below him. Solid concrete, as well as the walls and ceiling, like he was in some kind of private bunker.


    The door was reinforced steel. Luckily they didn¡¯t have the technology for a two-way mirror.


    I could go through the door and fight my way through an unknown amount of bad guys, culminating in an epic boss fight against the old lady who would destroy me until I unlock the power of friendship and trying really hard.


    ¡­but I¡¯m not stupid.


    People tended to think of warfare two dimensionally since people couldn¡¯t fly or swim through the ground with any speed.


    Garth knelt down and put his hand on the floor, creating a plant underneath his palm designed to tunnel through the ground and give him another escape route.


    The plant was going slower than it might¡¯ve to prevent an earthquake as it bored through the floor, digesting the concrete and earth beneath it to add to its own mass. It would take another thirty seconds.


    Thirty seconds doesn¡¯t sound like a lot, but it is when someone¡¯s trying to kill you.


    Garth reached his hand out and formed the spores into a solid slab of ironwood in front of the door, followed by a dozen layers of his Garth-Wrap semi-clear Kevlar substitute. The concept was based on the material that lined his major organs.


    In a few seconds, the entire room was spiderwebbed with tough-as-hell wood reinforced by stretchable shower curtains.


    That¡¯ll do.


    Garth¡¯s ears heard the distinct sound of someone trying to turn the latch, then shouting.


    It¡¯s go time.


    Garth hardened his Lantern, contracting it to make it harder to interfere with and swirling it to make it eat up other people¡¯s mana even faster.


    The shouting was picked up by more voices, and dull thuds resounded off the door as they beat on it uselessly.


    The tunnel was almost done when the door exploded into fragments, only missing Garth because of the stretchy fabric there to catch it.


    Through the semi-transparent sheets, Garth saw the blurry outline of someone slender with white hair march through the door unhindered.


    The stretchy fabric that should have bought him an extra ten seconds while they changed tactics fell in half, divided by an invisible stroke too sharp to process.


    Garth¡¯s eyebrows raised. That was fast.


    ¡°Kid. You¡¯ve got talent. Why not join the Prima Regula? This organization is the only place you can practice magic without being hunted down. You might feel invincible because you figured out a couple tricks on your own, but you don¡¯t stand a chance against the Empire by yourself.¡±


    ¡°Tell you what, kid.¡± Garth said, ¡°how about I kidnap you and threaten torture before offering to let you join my secret organization? I mean, it¡¯s been around longer than Prima Regalia or whatever. Probably. Hell of a lot cooler anyway. I¡¯ll go home and give it some thought. Maybe we can do business. Don¡¯t want to shut out a potential ally over a few little threats.¡±


    ¡°You really don¡¯t know anything do you?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Story of my life.¡± Garth said, taking a step backward into the pit behind him.


    Linda snarled and reached out, white beams of light forming out of the air and wrapping around his Lantern before dissolving like cotton candy.


    Garth gave a salute as he fell straight down, was grabbed by the plant and shot underground along the tunnel, flying through the tube like a scene from Futurama.


    A couple seconds later Garth was ejected, kicking and screaming out into the open air outside the base. Garth landed on his feet, the shadow swirling around him


    He was in the middle of the desert in the middle of the night, a cold wind stirring the scrub brush. In the distance, there was a tent-town built around a concrete bunker, with fires and torches casting little pools of light in the middle of the dark night.


    No time like the present, Garth thought, starting to put some distance between himself and the base, glancing behind him to make sure no one followed through the tunnel.


    Burn.


    The tunnel caught fire, sending a gout of compressed blue fire shooting out of the plant on both ends.


    If old lady was anywhere near as good as Garth thought she was ¨C


    An earth-shaking crack sounded, and Garth could make out a single figure punching through the top of the concrete bunker, followed by a burst of flame.


    He didn¡¯t have a lot of time to clear the scene.


    Forestwalk


    God I wish I still had my enchantments.


    Garth had been waiting to cut the Mythic Cores until he had the ideal conditions, but the ability to teleport, even a mile or two, would have been tremendously appreciated right now.


    Soon as this is over, I¡¯m searching through the charred ashes for my Cores. The land is probably cool enough now.


    Garth sprinted through the desert, hopping from dusty scrub to cactus, each one flinging him forward, forcing him through the air as fast as a cheetah, the wind whistling through his ears.


    Don¡¯t look this way.. Garth prayed. Damn.


    The old woman, underlit by a blazing fire, oriented on the blue flame screaming out of the other end of Garth¡¯s tunnel and shot through the air toward him, the air breaking around her.


    I never broke the air when I flew.


    ¡°Shit,¡± Garth muttered, glancing over his shoulder. She was focused on the blue flame, temporarily light-blinded as she scanned the surroundings for him. That wouldn¡¯t last forever.


    All Garth had left was a stupid idea.


    He flopped down to the ground and put the illusion of a small hill overtop of himself, turtling up and hoping he could distract her long enough to get away.


    At the same time, Garth made an illusion of himself sprinting away at about forty-five degrees away from where he currently was.


    Something Garth wasn¡¯t expecting happened.


    The darkness that had been circling him leapt up and fastened itself to the stationary image of a hill. The shadows of the surrounding land swam up the edges of his hollow simulacrum, filling it up from the inside, weaving shadow in through the strands of mana.


    Then the desert sand crunched under the illusionary Garth¡¯s feet as it sprinted away at inhuman speeds.


    It shouldn¡¯t be able to crunch dirt under its feet. Garth thought, his hair standing up on his neck as the simulacrum raced away, to the edge of his control and beyond.


    The sound brought Linda¡¯s attention to the illusion and she shot up into the air, summoning her entire body covered with glowing mana.


    The old lady crashed into Garth¡¯s illusion like a meteor, a glowing light through the sky. A wave of superheated dirt rose up as she punched the illusion deep into the ground.


    Garth lay there quietly, feeling a bit like he¡¯d clipped through the desert floor in New Vegas, with disembodied shrubs just a few feet above him rustling in the wind, but completely able to see through the dirt itself.


    Are you helping me? he thought, feeling a tremor of happiness from the shadows wrapping securely around his entire body.


    ¡°My Queen!¡± Came a man¡¯s shout as he sprinted from the other side of the camp toward where Linda was climbing out of a flaming crater in the ground. He was on a collision course with Garth¡¯s fake hill, causing Garth to tense up. He wasn¡¯t sure what to do with the guy when he stumbled over him. Maybe take him hostage and try to run for it?


    Garth had no time to come up with a good plan. Seconds later the man¡¯s foot came down on his fake terrain, pushing off of it and leaping forward toward the old woman, passing less than a foot above Garth.


    You can make things real??


    Garth got a noncommittal feeling from the shadows around him, a ¡®sort of¡¯ feeling.


    ¡°Illusion, and a good one.¡± Linda said. The old woman strode out of the flaming crater some two hundred feet distant from Garth.


    She scanned the surroundings.


    ¡°I can¡¯t feel him anymore, either he¡¯s already gone, or he¡¯s better at hiding than I gave him credit for.¡± She took a deep breath.


    ¡°Cut our losses. Don¡¯t spend your time looking for someone who might be gone already. Pack up and relocate to the Valentine base before anyone catches wind that we were here.¡±


    ¡°Yes, my Queen,¡± He said, whipping out a salute before sprinting back toward the flaming bunker.


    Queen, huh? Interesting. Garth thought as he hid from the scary lady like a bitch.


    She scanned the horizon with a harsh beam of light from her palm one more time. ¡°damn,¡± she muttered once the man was out of earshot, shooting up into the air and patrolling the surroundings like a police helicopter.


    The question was, would she feel it if Garth tried to make himself another escape tunnel? Probably.


    Rather than risk it, Garth stayed where he was, watching as the Prima Regula packed up and marched to the south in just a couple hours.


    The scary lady and all her people were gone by the time Garth relaxed the illusion, allowing the strands of mana to unravel. The shadow swirling around him gave him a ¡®bye bye¡¯ wave before it was consumed by the light of dawn.


    Empowered illusion magic at night? Garth thought to himself. No, there was probably more to it. Shadow affinity. Maybe it meant less he had an affinity for shadows and more that shadows had an affinity for him.


    Garth lay on his back in the desert sand, staring straight up into the sky.


    ¡°At least I don¡¯t have a hangover.¡±


    Now to hike back home through the desert.


    Macronomicon


    Chapter 14/15 in the Cover Celebration Submission Position!


    Patreon is 35 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 133: Gold Digger

    ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Perez.¡± Paul said shaking the woman¡¯s hand before leaving. ¡°The flatcakes were incredible.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Mr. Tucker. I hope I get to see John building a house in a month or so.¡±


    Paul said his goodbyes and left, retreating from the tiny apartment that smelled like good cooking, eerily reminding him of his own house.


    ¡°That was the biggest load of bullshit I¡¯ve ever heard. Hiring kids from gangs?¡± Ragnar said as Paul walked out the bottom of the apartment building where six of the families of the fifteen members of the West Street Warriors lived.


    Carl was carefully eating a pastry, but he nodded his agreement.


    ¡°I got good information.¡± Paul said.


    ¡°From their moms?¡± Ragnar asked.


    ¡°Moms always say their son is just the cleverest boy in the world, but if you know what platitudes to look for, you can cut through the bullshit. Is the kid good at hiding stuff from his family? Does she make excuses for his behavior? Does he take good care of his mother or not? I found out a lot.¡±


    ¡°If you say so.¡±


    ¡°I do.¡± Paul said, marching down the street.


    Carl winced as he got his aching body into motion while Ragnar easily loped along beside them.


    ¡°That gives us all the information we need on the Warriors, I¡¯ve got three prime candidates for being the kind of people¡­that man wants.¡±


    That man being a figure of myth.


    ¡°Aa AA?¡± Carl asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m not telling you anything about it, Carl. If you knew who we were working for, you¡¯d find a way to spill the beans somehow.¡±


    Carl angrily pointed at his face.


    ¡°Trust me, it¡¯s the sort of thing you¡¯d be more comfortable not knowing.¡± Paul said. ¡°I wish I hadn¡¯t pulled on that thread.¡±


    Carl shrugged.


    The three of them walked down to the warehouses on the west side of the city, eyes following the odd trio the entire way.


    They walked up to a derelict building, a factory abandoned a long time ago when the Glover family had been destroyed by the Gonzales¡¯s.


    The Warriors had seen the three of them coming, and when Paul made it to the front door, there was a rosy cheeked young man smoking in the doorway, fixing them with studied amusement.


    ¡°Ooh, let me guess. A fatty, a Wildling, and a cop walk into a bar.¡± He said, chuckling.


    Paul looked around the area, studying the dirt, the broken glass, and the faint smell of human feces from where they¡¯d been shitting in a hole.


    Garth might be right about addicting them to a fine lifestyle: The difference was like Heaven and Earth.


    ¡°Here¡¯s the punchline.¡± Paul punched the kid in the face.


    ¡°Ragnar, up and over, keep them from running, but try not to hamstring anyone.¡±


    ¡°Racist,¡± Ragnar muttered, leaping fifteen feet in the air and getting on top of the squat building in one smooth motion.


    ¡°Cuff him,¡± Paul said, pointing at the kid. ¡°We¡¯ll bring back more in a minute.¡±


    Clark nodded and opened his coat to reveal dozens of handcuffs.


    Paul strode into the building like he owned the place.


    ¡°Cops!¡± came a man¡¯s bellow, and no less than a dozen people began scrambling in four different directions, bobbing and weaving chaotically through the rotting storage crates to throw off pursuit.


    Four went for the back entrance that stood open, shedding a beam of light into the dark building. Ragnar pounced on the front two, slamming them into the glass-studded dirt outside the building before he leaped on the next two, knocking their heads together hard enough to make them go limp.


    Two went to the windows in their confusion, then turned back when they saw Carl waving at them from the front yard. They turned and headed toward a wide open trap door in the floor that lead to the sewers.


    A couple of the bigger boys charged Paul, as if by going through him, they could escape their situation. Paul caught their wrists and broke their arms with a twist.


    They collapsed to the ground, their faces looking more surprised than in pain.


    It was surprising to see a noble his age working as a mid-ranked detective.


    ¡°Two more here,¡± Paul said, sauntering through the dusty concrete building. In the corner of the dimly lit room, he made out a rusted iron pedal-driven lathe, no longer functional, but good enough for his purposes.


    Paul leaned down and grabbed the lathe, trying not to injure his back as he dragged the heavy machine across the floor. He kicked the trap door closed, then settled the heavy iron directly on top of it.


    ¡°Nice work,¡± Paul said as Ragnar trotted back up to him, having made sure his prey were knocked out. The sound of steel cuffs ratcheting closed filled the air as Clark made sure the boys couldn¡¯t run.


    ¡°Easy.¡±


    ¡°I prefer easy.¡±


    A few seconds later the Warriors began to bash on the trapdoor, shouting as they were penned in by Paul¡¯s hirlings in the sewers. The heavy lathe Paul was leaning on kept the trap door sealed tight as the gang members desperately struggled to push back into their hideout.


    ¡°What do you guys wanna do for lunch?¡± Paul asked, rubbing his back.


    *****


    Once they got the gang back to the jailhouse, Paul sorted the boys into three catagories: Loyal Followers, Leadership Material, and Chaff.


    The Chaff were some four cling-ons who wanted to be part of a gang, but rolled on the others immediately, Paul let those go home right away.


    The Loyal Followers were the kids who wouldn¡¯t squeal, no matter what, but were a little dimwitted. Paul bought them a big meal, with plenty of meat. They were the kind of people that could be won over with kindness. Some ate right away, some crossed their arms and glared, but they¡¯d all eat eventually.


    The Leadership Material turned out to be a short kid with a scar down the side of his jaw and a calculating look in his eyes, constantly sizing up his situation. Paul had been surprised when the rest of the kids, even his three likely picks, had kept glancing toward the brown-haired boy for advice and permission as they were interrogated.


    Paul had isolated him from the rest and now he sat across from the brown-haired kid, a plate full of steak and potatoes in front of both of them.


    ¡°Fred, you¡¯re talented.¡± Paul said, sawing at his steak. ¡°You built and organized a gang of no less than sixteen people, and actually managed to make a profit. That¡¯s nothing to scoff at.¡±


    The kid watched him closely, following every move Paul made. Eyeing him like a predator. He ate the steak mechanically, not moaning and rolling his eyes in pleasure at the exquisite flavor, or putting up a pointless hunger strike.


    He was getting energy where he could.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got what it takes to survive, even thrive at the street level, but you¡¯re not special. If you had some vague notion that you could drag yourself to the top of the underworld, I¡¯ll give you this one chance to leave now.¡± Paul pointed at the door.


    ¡°What¡¯s this about?¡± Fred asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m trying to show you that there¡¯s more to life than sleeping on a concrete floor, and there¡¯s a lot more money to be made than the chump change you got from raiding a couple warehouses.¡±


    ¡°We kept our families fed for another six months with that ¡®chump change¡¯,¡± Fred said.


    ¡°Mmn.¡± Paul wiped his mouth with the nearby tablecloth before standing.


    ¡°You could do a lot better. I want to show you something, let¡¯s take a walk.¡± Paul said, opening the door to the interrogation room and walking out without looking back. A moment later he heard the kid¡¯s footsteps behind him.


    They passed by the security guard, who opened the gate with a nod to Paul. A short hall and a turn, and they descended the stone steps onto the street.


    ¡°If you wanna run, now¡¯s your chance.¡± Paul said, motioning to the street.


    ¡°I wanna see where this goes, but if it ends up with some weird old man who wants to fuck me, I¡¯ll start cutting things.¡±


    ¡°Alright then,¡± Paul said, suppressing a grin.


    Paul took Fred to The Red Fern and booked him a room for two weeks, amenities included. He passed the madam all the cash she would need to get the boy a tailored suit, and keep him in wine and food for the entire time.


    After the business was over Paul strolled out of the brothel, shrugging his stiff shoulders. Now all he had to do was start on the boy¡¯s competitors.


    Maybe pay Lora a visit during the weekend. That put a bit more energy in his step. Maybe she¡¯ll have a hint of a way to kill that monster. And if not they could just have sex.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Why are we having lessons out here?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°What, you want to learn magic where other people might see you?¡± Garth nudged his foot through the ash and smoldering charcoal, searching for his Mythic cores. He needed to leverage them effectively, which meant he should make stat enhancing slices with the smaller pieces, then use his enhanced abilities to make stronger ones.


    I need to enchant a slicer too. Work, work. He could probably fix a slicer out of an enchanted blade if he could steal one to tear apart.


    ¡°You seem¡­distracted,¡± she said, eyeing him sideways.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m a little distressed. You could say heartbroken, even.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    Garth heaved a dramatic sigh, muscling back his laughter.


    Garth still couldn¡¯t help giggling every time he thought of the video of Alicia getting wrapped up by the houseplant, recorded by a little cactus on the shelves. Every time he reviewed it, he found himself thinking I¡¯ve seen enough hentai¡­ and then nothing happened.


    Maybe it she had tried to violently attack the plant with her vagina, it would have restrained it, but real life is never quite as sexy as human¡¯s imagination. Still funny as hell though.


    ¡°A girl I have a crush on¡­stole a couple hundred thousand credits from my office.¡± Garth kept his face studiously somber. ¡°Now I have to punish her.¡±


    Alicia¡¯s eyes went wide, hand wandering to her sword. ¡°Did you bring me out here to kill me?¡±


    ¡°No, I was going to ask you for help getting back at your sister. No one breaks my heart like that!¡±


    She froze, unpackaging the mislead.


    ¡°That¡¯s not funny,¡± she said, her hand still near her sword.


    ¡°I thought it was funny,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°How was the drawing of you, by the way?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re guessing,¡± Alicia said, relaxing.


    ¡°I liked that catty jab you made to your sister at the end, about her not being in the book.¡±


    Alicia¡¯s jaw dropped.


    ¡°Wizard.¡± Garth thumbed himself. ¡°Student.¡± He pointed at her. ¡°You¡¯re just lucky I¡¯m a lot nicer than the guy who taught me. That bastard liked cutting off limbs to prove a point.¡±


    Garth shuddered. Not to mention Garth wasn¡¯t good enough to cut someone in half and make sure they didn¡¯t die. Not yet, anyway.


    ¡°Anyway, this particular wizard is looking for something specific in the ashes of our little camping party a couple weeks ago. Go ahead and start the tutoring, I can do both.¡±


    Garth paused for a moment. ¡°Start with the Williams family, since we¡¯re going into their land next Friday.¡±


    ¡°The Williams are in charge of the desert to the east of Santo Descanso, Their primary export is silk woven from the wiretap weavers, a breed of monstrous spider that thrives in the desert.¡±


    Garth frowned. He hadn¡¯t come across any giant spiders on the boring trek back home. Maybe he got lucky. As for the name¡­


    ¡°Wiretap?¡± Garth asked. ¡°how do you know what a wiretap is?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­just what they¡¯re called.¡± Alicia said. ¡°The Williams family risk their lives to harvest the silk, and the industry is generally considered too dangerous for other families to attempt to steal their business.¡±


    ¡°So they¡¯re hardasses,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°They don¡¯t just produce a profitable export, they produce battle-hardened heirs with balls of steel. Nobody wants to mess with people who aren¡¯t afraid of death. A bit like the emperor¡¯s Sardaukar, although probably not as extreme.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°Nevermind. Point is, the Williams are considered tough, right?¡±


    She nodded.


    ¡°They are also the only people who know the secret of preparing the silk, so that factors into their control over the market.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± Garth swept through another pile of debris. ¡°This is the same clearing isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Garth glanced up at the mountain, trying to triangulate his exact position and having a hard time of it: He couldn¡¯t even see the mountain when there¡¯d been a forest here.


    ¡°I think so.¡±


    ¡°So what¡¯s your noble¡¯s opinion on why the William¡¯s are cool with hosting a field trip to their lands?¡±


    ¡°Honestly? I think they just want to intimidate us.¡±


    ¡°Hah. Fun.¡±


    Garth spotted a half melted belt buckle, pulling it out of the ashes.


    ¡°Recognize this?¡± Garth asked. It was the buckle on the front of Alicia¡¯s pants that she¡¯d left behind in the fire.


    ¡°My buckle.¡±


    ¡°Where exactly did you leave it?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°In my tent.¡±


    ¡°In the middle, at the head of the bed, pressed up against one side or the other? What?¡± Garth set the buckle exactly where he¡¯d found it.


    ¡°Draw your tent around it.¡±


    Alicia stepped forward, oriented herself and drew a rectangle around the buckle with the tip of her scabbard.


    ¡°Alright, if your tent was here,¡± Garth muttered, following his mental map of the camp to exactly where his backpack was when they woke up that morning.


    Garth dug through six inches of ash to reveal a scorched leather tube.


    ¡°Ahah!¡± Garth crowed, pulling the tube out of the ash, spilling the half-melted enchanting tools out onto his hand, along with the three Mythic cores.


    ¡°What are those?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Nosy, much?¡± Garth asked, clamping his hands down on the Mythic Cores.


    Alicia took a reflexive step back as the light seemed to dim, mana forming a vortex around Garth.


    Garth¡¯s head began to ache instantly as the three Cores drew in mana far beyond his ability to process alone.


    Let¡¯s see if I explode.


    Recursive Casting


    Design Plant


    Hyper Fertility


    Dear forest, if you could send your roots deep into the earth and pull gold up and give it to me, I would appreciate it.


    The wave of mana exploded outward from Garth, settling into the earth, infusing the entire forest as Garth dropped the orbs with a groan, feeling like his head was about to explode. The earth rumbled for a moment before the minor tremors died back down.


    ¡°What the hell was that?¡± Alicia asked, looking around.


    ¡°Right. I wasn¡¯t sure I wouldn¡¯t explode, but it was worth a shot. I think mana overuse is more a body related problem than a soul one. I should recover.¡± Garth said, groaning as he bent down and tucked the Mythic cores into his pockets.


    ¡°What did you do?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s my business.¡± Garth said, massaging his temples. ¡°You still need to learn your first spell. How do you feel about Force Armor? That¡¯s an easy one.¡±


    Around them, the forest regrew in a matter of seconds, and Alicia yelped and jumped out of the way as one nudged her butt.


    The trees reached adult height, fell over and turned to more ash in a matter of seconds.


    Good thing it¡¯s dark out.


    Garth was wondering what form the gold would take, and found himself rather pleased when he picked a quarter inch wide, five foot long gold rod out of the center of the pile of ash. The rod of soft metal bent a bit under its own weight.


    Garth was afraid it would be a liquid solution that he¡¯d have to boil the liquid off, but he always found himself pleasantly surprised when he let the plant do as it wanted.


    ¡°How did you do that?¡± Alicia asked, watching him shuffle through the ash.


    ¡°Don¡¯t focus on what I can do.¡± Garth said, picking out another gold rod, and another, each of varying size and length, tossing them over his shoulder.


    ¡°Focus on what you want to do.¡± Garth looked up and met her eye. ¡°What do you want to be able to do?¡±


    Macronomicon


    And that''s the last chapter of the Cover Celebration Submission Position! I hope you''re having fun, but let''s be honest, if you weren''t you probably wouldn''t be reading this.


    A final round of applause for the Artist, before we resume our regularly scheduled content.


    Patreon is back up to 41 chapters ahead!

 Chapter 134: Old Acquaintances

    Garth dragged himself into bed, groaning. As it turned out, Alicia didn¡¯t know the first thing about spellcraft, so a ¡®spell¡¯ lesson had inevitably morphed into a ¡®magic¡¯ lesson.


    According to the terms of their agreement, all he had to do was throw his hands up in the air and call her a lost cause for not being able to understand a single spell, but Garth was a total pushover for a sassy lady with a nice round butt.


    He¡¯d spent the entire night trying to teach her how to channel mana out of the environment and how to control it, and they hadn¡¯t gotten anywhere.


    This must be how hard it was to learn with a non-magic class. Well, can¡¯t give up after one lesson. Imagine how many college courses would be obsolete if you could learn everything in one day. Garth didn¡¯t regret one iota losing some talent in underwater basket weaving to make room for being a magical savant.


    ¡°Ugh,¡± Garth started organizing his plans, face buried in the covers.


    Each of those things had several steps. He¡¯d have to visit no less than five families that supported the Dentons and use Operant Conditioning on all of them.


    The pure heartstone mess was a huge part of his plan, but as it stood, he didn¡¯t have anyone that could smith the tools except possibly the Mcdonnells.


    Items three through six were a huge mess he didn¡¯t want to dip his toes into right this second.


    Was I missing anything?


    Garth sat up, and pulled a Mythic Core out of his pocket. Right, these things.


    Each one would make six slices, so he could make up to eighteen double sided enchantments. If he made them subdermals like last time, they¡¯d probably be lost if he got murdered again.


    Of course the point of using them was to prevent getting murdered in the first place. Garth glanced down at the body he was in currently. He didn¡¯t plan on staying with this one permanently, so why use the Cores in a limited capacity?


    So the problem was, find a way to create an object that couldn¡¯t be lost or stolen, that he could benefit from indefinitely.


    Garth only had a limited knowledge of soul-targeting magic, Magic Jar being the extent of it. He didn¡¯t know enough to force a particular enchantment to teleport to his soul, which would be the ideal solution.


    There might not even be a solution. Garth thought back to Cassius, who was too good for body modifications. Garth was starting to understand why.


    Crap, decision paralysis. Garth shook his head. It would be better to get some use out of them than to put them on a dusty shelf for a special occasion that might never arrive.


    The air in the corner of the room rippled, and Linda walked in, casual as can be.


    Well, crap. I did give her my name.


    ¡°Hey, knock first. I¡¯m fifteen years old. I got the internet in here. You keep barging in, you¡¯re gonna see something you didn¡¯t wanna see.¡± Garth said.


    The old woman chuckled. ¡°I didn¡¯t think you¡¯d still be here,¡± she said, spinning the nearby chair to face Garth and sitting in it. ¡°Where¡¯d you get that?¡± She asked, nodding toward the Mythic core.


    ¡°No offence, but¡­¡± Garth pulled all the mana in the room into his Lantern.


    ¡°Whatever it takes for you to feel comfortable.¡± Linda said with a dismissive wave.


    Garth chuckled, shaking his head. ¡°This? I got this from the Isle of Nunya.¡± He held the Mythic core up for her to see.


    ¡°Nunya Bizness?¡± Linda asked, raising a single snow-white brow above her piercing green eyes.


    Garth broke into a smile.


    ¡°I¡¯d like to know why someone who¡¯s apparently a kid, but acts like a thirty year old man torn straight out of the twenty-first century can use a Mythic core, no scratch that, three Mythic cores, to cast highly advanced Plant magic without dying.¡±


    ¡°Spying on me? I thought that was impossible.¡±


    ¡°Gotta learn to bend the rules a little.¡± She said, pointing at him. ¡°I spied on your clothes. If I just so happened to see you too while I was doing that, oh well.¡±


    Garth glanced down at his shirt and made a note to change clothes after every major conflict with another wizard.


    ¡°So whaddya want?¡±


    ¡°I want what¡¯s mine.¡±


    Garth glanced to the side. ¡°Okaaay. Do I¡­have it?¡±


    ¡°I want my kingdom back from the Clans. I want my planet back.¡±


    ¡°So who are you again?¡±


    Linda heaved a sigh.


    ¡°I literally can¡¯t tell you.¡± She said, leaning back in the seat. ¡°I¡¯m cursed. I can¡¯t tell anyone who I really am, same for anyone who knows me. It makes things difficult. Makes my organization shadowy and corrupt, fills people¡¯s hearts with fear and trepidation when they¡¯re close to figuring out who I am, so they shy away from the truth.¡±


    ¡°Sounds like Operant Conditioning. Whoever cursed you probably created that spell using The Law in ancient L.A. as a template. It¡¯s less of a curse on you, than it is a self-replicating virus spell infecting everyone, designed to subtly modify the people¡¯s behavior. It was some of Garth Daniel¡¯s best work, that handsome devil. The original was designed to last about a month and only infect seven hosts before killing itself to prevent mutation. The power sources were the enchanted jewelry the government whores wore, so men took it home with them like an STD before spreading it to friends and family.¡±


    Garth chuckled. Good memories.


    Her posture changed, cocking her head and staring at him, knuckles whitening.


    ¡°The spell on you seems more targeted, and possibly doesn¡¯t have a power source, simply infecting the people and then sticking with them indefinitely. Not a safe thing to do, because of the risk of the spell mutating. If there is a power source, It¡¯s most likely in a place where lots of people from all walks of life go religiously, like a church, or a brothel. That¡¯s the way Garth did it, anyway.¡±


    Garth enjoyed the way her jaw was slowly falling open, revealing metallic prosthetic teeth.


    ¡°I¡¯ll bet you tried to remove the curse on yourself, and maybe made a little progress, were able to say your name for a day or two, but it came right back a little while later, right?¡±


    ¡°How do you¡­


    ¡°If you want to remove the curse, either get yourself a very talented wizard capable of making self-replicating spells to design a similarly infectious counterspell, or, find the source of the curse in every major city and smash it.¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°But that¡¯s just me eyeballing the situation. I could be totally wrong.¡±


    Linda stared at him, the old woman slowly regaining her composure and unclenching her fingers from where they had embedded themselves in Garth¡¯s chair.


    ¡°That was an insight that opened a lot of doors for me, thank you. I¡¯d never heard the inside details of The Law of L.A. and how it worked. Ever. From anyone.¡± Linda said, nodding her head. ¡°There¡¯s just one thing you got wrong.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Garth Daniels wasn¡¯t particularly handsome. His face looked like a neanderthal fucked a very large rat.¡±


    Must¡­not..self-incriminate¡­ Garth thought, pushing down the indignation. Of course, if she was trying to bait him, it meant she was most of the way there already. Garth wasn¡¯t going to give her the satisfaction, though.


    ¡°Huh, how do you know that, Linda? The only place I¡¯ve seen his face was history books and tapestries. You wouldn¡¯t happen to be a figure of myth and legend as well, would you?¡±


    She narrowed her eyes and chuckled, standing from her chair.


    ¡°Thanks for the tip, kid, You¡¯ve most likely broken two hundred years of deadlock, and Sandi was a stupid whore.¡±


    ¡°You fucking take that ba-!¡± Garth shouted, jumping out of his bed before icy fingers worked their way down his spine.


    Shiiiiiiit.


    ¡°See you later, Garth.¡± Linda said, the old woman smirking victoriously. ¡°I don¡¯t know how you¡¯re still alive, but if you want help, the Prima Regula would be happy to work with you.¡± Mana rippled around her and she vanished, leaving a white business card fluttering to the ground.


    Curt¡¯s Bakery


    2431 Fresnel street


    Ask for the first order of the day.


    ¡°At least I still have all my teeth, you denture-wearing, geriatric bitch!¡± Garth shouted into the empty room.


    Great, now another person knows who I am. Sooner or later there¡¯s going to be a leak. Garth flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He needed his pure heartstones, and he needed them yesterday.


    The only way I¡¯m gonna survive the Empire finding out about me is by being badass enough to bend that horned bastard over my knee. I gotta pick up the pace.


    Garth¡¯s mental stats had been in the eighties when he bit the dust the first time, carefully cultivated over the course of two years, and he hadn¡¯t had a chance.


    The Phyto-lich class was growing significantly faster than the Phytomagus, outstripping the other¡¯s growth rate by leaps and bounds, hopefully it would allow him to fend for himself.


    Garth had bottlenecked the first time around forty before he had to increase his tier, getting rid of the Neophyte at the beginning of his Class.


    I wonder how many tiers there are¡­ Garth felt like he knew this, like it was something he¡¯d learned while he was dead, coming back to him as a vague feeling. He felt like there couldn¡¯t be more than twelve tiers, and there were differences between classes, so a tier two from one class might not be equal to a tier two from another.


    Garth didn¡¯t know this for sure, but he¡¯d been tier two and ruling the western seaboard. Garth couldn¡¯t even imagine what a tier twelve would look like.


    ******


    ¡°Sooner or later, you¡¯re going to give in, or you¡¯re going to go insane,¡± Dragus said, glaring at the intricately carved heartstone in front of him. It was a fist-sized, brilliant opalescent sphere with impossibly fine carvings creating a pattern that reflected light in a hypnotizing array of colors.


    ¡°Nuh-uh,¡± the heartstone said, mana glittering from it in lethal waves of existence-erasing spellwork that bounced off Dragus¡¯s containment field.


    ¡°I¡¯ve still got the memories of twelve thousand eight hundred and forty-three lifetimes to unpack, relive, and process. I¡¯ll be good for another hundred and twelve thousand years, give or take, before I even start getting bored. You think you can last that long without making a mistake?¡±


    ¡°The game¡¯s over. You lost.¡± Dragus said. ¡°If waiting for a hundred thousand years is what it takes, then I¡¯ll gladly do so.¡±


    ¡°The game¡¯s over when it¡¯s over.¡± Castavelle Dechestaland¡¯s soul said from inside its self-imprisonment, keeping his heartstone active and absolutely lethal to consume. The stand-off between the two of them had lasted eight hundred and fifteen years, and it looked like it was only just beginning.


    The ninth tier archmage¡¯s wounded soul had reverted to its original form inside the gem, an ancient, barbarous looking elf dressed in ragged furs with a divine arrow through its stomach.


    ¡°This break is giving me plenty of time to recover.¡± Castavelle said, fruitlessly sawing at the glowing arrow with a stone knife.


    ¡°You¡¯ve had thousands of years since Nyssa threw you back down to the mortal plane. All the resources you spent in that time haven¡¯t done a thing. The arrow isn¡¯t going to come out because it can¡¯t come out. To do so would invalidate the will of a god. So why do you think you¡¯ll be able to remove it now? Did you become a god last night?¡±


    ¡°Everybody needs a hobby. And the will of a god isn¡¯t immutable. It¡¯s just very, very strong.¡±


    Dragus snorted.


    ¡°All you are now is a tasty snack for men like me to advance our tiers.¡±


    ¡°Try it.¡± Castavelle said, giving Dragus a feral grin, withdrawing the waves of magic, making the heartstone appear edible. ¡°You might like being me.¡±


    Dragus experienced a moment of white hot rage, then laughed, the anger swiftly turning into enjoyment as he studied his ancient prey¡¯s predicament. He had plenty of time to allow the wizard to go mad. Once that happened, he would slip out of his heartstone and be drawn into the pedestal beneath his gem, to be bound motionless for all eternity, going ever more insane.


    And Dragus would eat his heartstone, becoming one step closer to godhood.


    ¡°I have all the time in the multiverse,¡± Dragus said, turning off the light in the shimmering quartz-lined room. ¡°I¡¯ll visit in another ten years or so. Maybe longer. I might get busy.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Normally I post these chapters after I finish writing for the day, but I''m a little hung over and you guys have waited long enough.


    Here you go!

 Chapter 135: Complete with Treasure

    Garth hefted the football sized bag of heartstones he¡¯d saved as a backup for his next body, standing beneath the Garth-fruit. It always felt a little strange seeing his own body through the semi-transparent membrane, curled up like a fetus.


    To the side was another set of clothes he¡¯d gotten ready for the next time he got ganked.


    With the current political climate, Garth felt he might be needing the next body sooner rather than later. Maybe I can figure out a way to pop more than one fruit at a time, and ship their comatose bodies offsite to wake up in, or bounce my consciousness between them. Something to look into.


    Garth knelt and set the bag beside the tree. Garth¡¯s Phylac-tree reminded him a bit of a stubby palm tree, with sundew spines dripping with Garth-babies. It was bright green with seven red spines drooping from the top. The two he¡¯d already come out of were standing up straight, relieved of the weight of his body, forming little nubs at the tip where he assumed another Garth body would gestate.


    Garth was going to watch it a little longer to make sure, but he would be relieved to know he wasn¡¯t on some kind of stupid lives limit.


    Although if he was killed six more times in a row, he¡¯d have to wait however long it took the fruit to grow. Nine months or fifteen years, he had no idea. The point was moot, because being killed six times in a row implied someone was spawncamping him and he had bigger problems to worry about.


    What he really needed were some defences. The Phylac-tree was only guarded by Grass and Ms. Banyan, and Ellanore and her cult were under strict instructions not to talk about it. After Paul had posed as a horny piece of dirt and retrieved his wife from the coast, Garth had a few misgivings about leaving that couple as the only guardians.


    Garth pulled a mythic core out of his pocket, frowning. He could use them to build infrastructure and defences inside the base.


    He¡¯d reap dividends from a better base no matter how many times he died. Plus people wouldn¡¯t be able to steal it without also being at the center of his power.


    Garth looked around, gauging the stone room.


    ¡°Not bad. I could put a workbench right there, Plant turrets with poisonous spines on either side of the entryway.¡±


    A few seconds after each thought, plants burst from the ground to fulfil his desires. The workbench formed out of green wood that hardened into a bench with a cork-padded swivel chair and a light, along with several tool pieces waiting for core slices to be added.


    In the entrance to the Core room, two plants emerged from the ground, looking disturbingly like piranha plants from Mario.


    ¡°No, no, no copyright infringement, look decorative until you shoot.¡±


    The piranha plants melted away, replaced by decorative office plants, whose only sign of being trapped was a thin black line around the base of their branches, where they would be shot outward with violent force.


    So, my own personal holodeck, huh? Garth thought, looking around. It kind of made sense, with the way the Phylac-tree seemed to be fused to the dungeon, and he was fused to the tree. A sudden immature thought struck him.


    ¡°Strippers.¡±


    Plants burst out of the ground, their long leaves wrapping around them to create the seamless form of naked women dancing sinuously, arching their backs as they leaned against their poles (stems).


    ¡°Safe for work.¡±


    The leaves unraveled, until it was just a wobbling plant.


    ¡°Not safe for work.¡±


    In an instant, the dancers were back, rolling their hips invitingly and giving him a ardorous gaze.


    ¡°Ehehehehe.¡± Garth gave a short chuckle before sighing. ¡°Alright, got that outta my system. Safe for work.¡±


    Garth tore his gaze away from the wiggling plants in the center of the room, shaking his head.


    ¡°Someday, somebody¡¯s gonna break in and lose all respect for me.¡±


    ¡°Disguised, trapped wall safe.¡±


    Wood that matched the color of the stone wall raised the surface of one side of Garth¡¯s lair. Garth opened the safe by feel and put the three Mythic cores inside, closing it and studying it closely.


    Without knowing about it, it was almost impossible to find. The living wood even did an excellent job breaking the mana sight. There was a bit more mana pooling on that side of the cave, but it was hard to notice.


    ¡°I¡¯ll deal with that when I get back from the field trip.¡± Ugh, just saying that sentence makes me wanna shoot myself. As long as no rogues slipped into his fortress with their idiot savant skill at locating and disabling traps and safes, he should be fine.


    ¡°Dear god, I¡¯m becoming a D&D villain, complete with treasure.¡±


    Garth shrugged.


    ¡°Well, time to get back to my master plan of conquering humanity.¡± Garth winced at how close to home he was hitting with his own humor.


    Garth turned and was about to leave, casting a glance back at the Phylac-tree over his shoulder. He would come back and make sure the defences were perfect when he got back, but for now¡­


    ¡°False wall.¡±


    A realistic cave wall grew from the floor, cutting off sight of the Garth-tree, but still allowing air to get to it. Out of sight, out of mind. Hopefully.


    Garth left the dungeon and walked through the burgeoning city. In a large practice yard, older, more experienced Garthspawn were teaching others how to use their powers. Mrs. Banyan was even taking part in the more mundane lessons, one of her clones each learning how to use a knife, scale a wall, differentiate between poisons, and even cook the dishes of the future.


    It was a little weird watching women sending their Sandi¡¯s out like pokemon and having them fight each other. Not Sandi, their Lure.


    Garth spotted Sheath, the Bergstrom Garthspawn who¡¯d almost killed him twice demonstrating her trick, when she would throw a blade past someone, manifest her Lure to catch it and finish them from behind.


    It was a nasty move.


    Beyond the practice yards were the open-air classes, where Mrs. Banyan was teaching reading and writing to the various Garthspawn, including Ellanore¡¯s group.


    The dozen or so young men who¡¯d been with the cult looked a little out of place, outnumbered a hundred to one by the purple women pressing in from every direction as they diligently memorized their letters and numbers.


    ¡°I gotta get more dudes in here.¡± Garth muttered to himself as he passed the study session. Stupid guys might appreciate the totally off kilter ratio, but from a sociological standpoint, things always got weird when one gender was in the extreme minority.


    ¡°Dark Father!¡± A woman cried in the distance.


    ¡°Ugh¡­¡± Garth turned and saw Ellanore running to catch up with him, her breasts jostling around inside her shirt in a way that spoke of heft. Dr. Daniels got a lot of follow-up back pain clients, Garth thought idly as she approached.


    ¡°Dark Father,¡± She panted, resting a hand on her knees as she caught her breath.


    ¡°You need to stop calling me that, and more exercise,¡± Garth said. ¡°Maybe take up a sport?¡±


    ¡°Thank you for everything you¡¯ve done for us.¡± She said, lowering her head.


    ¡°Really, it¡¯s not me.¡± Garth said. ¡°Everything is being organized by your great aunt and uncle¡­who are married¡­¡± Garth frowned. That¡¯s where the metaphor gets weird.


    ¡°Maybe, but it all stems from you and your generosity. You are nothing like the Devourer of Chicago that we¡¯ve been told stories of to scare us as children.¡±


    ¡°I told you, different guy. I¡¯m the one blessed by the goddess of fertility. Devouring cities isn¡¯t really on her agenda.¡±


    ¡°I understand, D-¡° She paused. ¡°Garth. I¡¯ll share your words with the others.¡±


    ¡°Hold up,¡± Garth said, stopping her before she turned away.


    ¡°Yes, D ¨C Garth?¡±


    Garth suppressed the impulse to roll his eyes.


    ¡°What do you know about when Chicago was devoured? The history books are a little vague about that. Plus it happened on the other side of the country.¡±


    ¡°The country?¡± Ellanore asked, puzzlement written on her face.


    ¡°Continent. Whatever.¡±


    ¡°My family is descended from a tribe who served The Dark Father and his daughters. From the stories, it¡¯s believed that he was destroyed there, and his progeny scattered to the wind.¡±


    That made no sense. Dr. Daniels was practically The Thing. Almost impossible to destroy, especially since the first thing he would have done was leave backup bodies here and there in case things went wrong.


    ¡°If he was destroyed there, why didn¡¯t you try to rez him there?¡±


    ¡°We did, but after further research, we discovered record of your tomb in the ruins of L.A. We thought maybe the history was wrong and you fled to L.A. after Chicago, so we tried to resurrect you at the crater where it was said you died. That didn¡¯t work either. It was only by sheerest luck we stumbled across the¡­place.¡±


    She cocked her head and frowned. ¡°The strangest thing was, the further we went west, the more the stories about Garth Daniels changed, from being a mass of flesh and corruption who could change people to their core at the snap of his fingers, to a walking force of nature, who made trees fly through the air and explode.¡±


    ¡°Two. Different. People.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I¡¯m starting to think so, myself. But then, why do you claim to be the father of the three Prime Evils?¡±


    ¡°You call your gramma a prime evil again,¡± Garth said, preparing an exaggerated backhand. ¡°Because he must have stolen my kids after I died. Nominally to protect them, but how messed up they must have been, raised by a guy whose favorite snack is freakin¡¯ human flesh. Damnit.¡±


    Garth felt a lead weight settle in his stomach. ¡°Well this really livened up my day, Ellie, I¡¯m gonna go sulk for awhile.¡± Garth turned to leave.


    ¡°The stories say he was lured to Chicago to protect his fourth daughter, who was born human, but had demon blood in her veins. Her name has long been lost. Was she yours too?¡±


    Garth froze, remembering the pale, sharp-toothed Leanne that had been standing next to Dr. Daniels when they¡¯d first met. Could the stories be referring to her? She was only mostly human looking.


    ¡°Not mine, but I probably knew her.¡± Garth took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was good to know that Dr. Daniels had been willing to risk himself for another person. It spoke volumes about how he might have treated his nieces.


    However it turned out for their descendants, hopefully Lucy, Betty and Ma¡¯ta had good lives.


    Garth set the musing aside and patted Ellanore on the head. ¡°I gotta head back to town, field trip in the morning. Keep up the good work here.¡±


    ¡°Of course, and thank you again.¡±


    ¡°Just shut up and accept my help, fueled by the guilt of not being around for my children.¡± Garth patted her head again.


    Ellanore gave him an odd look, then ran back to her knot of friends.


    ¡°Eh, call it like it is.¡± Garth said, turning away.


    ****


    The next day, the school took a trip out to the desert, out into the sweltering heat and scrub-brush, marching through the shimmering air, choking on the dust swirling on the hot air.


    ¡°Probably wasn¡¯t a good idea to wear black.¡± Garth said to Alicia.


    ¡°No, really?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I mean, you can really tell the difference between the people with experience in the desert and the city kids,¡± Garth said, scanning the train of students.


    About two thirds of the students were dressed in bright white, with nice hats, carrying large sacks of water on their back, their families operating at least partially in the desert.


    The rest were mostly stumbling along, their shirts wrapped around their heads, Alicia being one of them.


    ¡°How are you not dying?¡± She snapped at Garth, who was wearing a vest and long sleeve undershirt.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got cactus blood.¡± Garth said, scrunching his nose and wiggling his fingers. Plants could withstand the desert, so Garth could too. Temperature resistance coming in handy again.


    Alicia scoffed. ¡°You are a prickly bastard.¡±


    Garth pulled a notepad out of his backpack. ¡°That reminds me, what¡¯s your endurance?¡±


    ¡°Why do you want to know?¡± she asked, squinting at him against the glaring sunlight and dust.


    ¡°This would be an excellent study of the effect of Endurance against sunburn.¡± Garth glanced at her uncovered shoulders. ¡°Think you¡¯ll get a tan?¡±


    ¡°You know it¡¯s rude to ask a noble about their attribute values, right?¡± she asked, glancing at him.


    ¡°I did not know that.¡± Garth admitted. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Aside from being a bit personal, if you know someone¡¯s attributes, you know their weaknesses. Endurance in particular can give you the information you need to dose them correctly with poisons.


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said. Maybe he could make a simple machine to check someone¡¯s Endurance physically.


    He could rig a needle to a spring, and see how much pressure it took to puncture a universally thin portion of their skin, say under the eye or the bottom of the wrist.


    No way to get a baseline, though. No one on the trip was normal human levels of toughness.


    ¡°So what is your Endurance?¡± Garth asked.


    Alicia ignored him.


    Garth shrugged and changed topics, getting his lesson in local history out of the way.


    After another hour of marching, they were assembled into a formation while a grey haired man addressed them. He had a long grey beard that had been burnt off in places, and wiry muscles. He wore white-painted leather armor and on his head rested a white mask with tiny eye-slits, ready to pull down like a welder¡¯s mask.


    ¡°Alright kids, this is the briefing. Listen up, because I¡¯m not taking questions. Tonight you¡¯re going to learn a little about the way the Williams make their living.¡±


    He pointed at the scrub-brush and cactus covered hill behind him. ¡°On the other side of this hill is a nesting ground of Wiretap Weavers. Desert Chars use the area as a thoroughfare, and the Wiretaps prey on them. And anything else that wanders in, you get me? They¡¯re stationary ambush predators, so they won¡¯t cross the hill for us. It¡¯s safe to rest here until we stage our hunt tonight.¡±


    ¡°Last time, I heard you chose your own groups, but that¡¯s not going to fly this time. Williams, front and center!¡±


    Dozens of young men and women from the age of fifteen to twenty five, covered in scars and sunburns, came to stand in front of the group of teens.


    Ah, the chaperones were all Williams. Makes sense.


    Garth recognized Tad Williams, with the gaping jaw and thin mustache.


    ¡°Each of you is going to have one of my kids leading your group, because without it, you wouldn¡¯t make it back, and I¡¯ll catch an earful if I lose more than a dozen or so of you.¡±


    ¡°Some of you are probably gonna die. Not much we can do about that now, but there are a few things you can do to improve your odds: Do exactly what your guide says. This is our playground. Never relax, and always think in worst case scenarios. There¡¯s probably more maneating spiders just around the corners.¡±


    ¡°Oh, and¡­¡± he pulled the brilliantly white half-mask down over his eyes. ¡°Always guard your eyes. Williams, pick your teams.¡±


    The Williams Patriarch stepped down from his soap-box and their chaperones started picking teams.


    ¡°Ooh, ooh,¡± Garth said, waving his and Alicia¡¯s hands when Tad was looking for team-mates. ¡°Pick us!¡±


    Tad rolled his eyes and singled them out. When he got over to the teen, the boy grabbed him by the collar. ¡°You¡¯re going to take this seriously, right Ed? I¡¯d hate to have to ditch you in the middle of the Weaver nest to be slowly baked. It¡¯s not a fun way to die.¡±


    ¡°I like living as much as the next guy,¡± Garth said, nodding.


    ¡°Just do what I say and for god¡¯s sake don¡¯t wander away from the group for any reason, ¡®less you like being food.¡± Tad said.


    ¡°I do not like being food, no.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Tad glanced over at the remaining students and saw that the tough ones were already snapped up. ¡°Damn,¡± he said, letting go of Garth and rushing back into the fray. Of team-choosing.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t he give you a talking to?¡± Garth asked Alicia.


    ¡°I wonder.¡±


    A minute later Tad came back with a defeated look to him, leading a willowy redheaded girl with long hair peeking out from under her shirt-turban. She had a toolbelt slung low on her hips, and her shoulders were already beet red. Low Endurance?


    ¡°Caitlyn Mcdonnell,¡± She said, offering Garth her hand. Garth eyed the freckles that stood out under the desert sun as she gave a grin.


    ¡°Edward Bergstrom.¡±


    ¡°Alicia Denton.¡± Alicia said, shaking her hand as well.


    ¡°Great,¡± Tad sighed, burying his face in his hands, the only one wearing desert-appropriate apparel. ¡°I got three complete amateurs.¡±


    Macronomicon

 136: Laser Spiders

    They sat in a circle outside their tents, commiserating on The Plan.


    ¡°Wiretaps are very dangerous during the day, so we¡¯re going in at night. Unfortunately they¡¯re only slightly less dangerous at night, so we need to be especially careful.¡±


    He handed out half-masks with tiny slits for the eyes.


    ¡°How are we supposed to see in these?¡± Garth asked, sliding it over his face.


    ¡°The wiretap¡¯s web transmits light from along its entire surface area to a central strand it holds on its abdomen.¡±


    Tad snapped his fingers.


    ¡°Just like that, it can flip that strand up, and direct an ungodly amount of light straight into your eyes, potentially blinding you forever.¡± He shrugged. ¡°Or as long as it takes for it to eat you.¡±


    ¡°Each wiretap¡¯s nest has little dark, glassy nubs along the outer edge of the web that it can use to spy on anyone coming or going. It¡¯s almost impossible to catch them by surprise.¡±


    ¡°OH, that¡¯s why they¡¯re called wiretaps!¡± Garth said. Alicia and Tad gave him a frustrated look while Caitlyn seemed curious.


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Well, before the fall of man, wiretapping was a form of spying remotely using wires. This thing uses its web to spy from a distance, hence Wiretap Weaver.¡±


    ¡°Neat.¡±


    ¡°Of course it¡¯s kind of wrong, because originally wiretapping was listening in on people¡¯s conversations, not-¡°


    ¡°Ed.¡± Tad said. ¡°Please.¡±


    ¡°Go ahead.¡±


    ¡°During the day, the wiretap¡¯s defences are even stronger. I¡¯ve seen it cause someone to catch fire on an ill-advised full moon run, I can only imagine what it could do during the day. I can only imagine, because no one has ever come back from a day run.¡±


    ¡°laser spiders. Awesome.¡± Garth whispered under his breath.


    ¡°Father chose a new moon for the class to see what we do, so it¡¯s the safest it¡¯s ever going to get, but don¡¯t misunderstand, they¡¯re still dangerous. They are, on average, the size of a cow, with fangs about¡­¡± He held his hands a foot and a half apart. ¡°This long. Don¡¯t think for an instant that because we took away their strongest defenses that they¡¯re not dangerous.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve told us how dangerous they are, at length, so what¡¯s the plan?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°My father is using this opportunity to host a little competition between the Williams, with a reward for the person who brings in the most silk. Their own personal Infiltrator Armor.¡±


    ¡°And you want to win.¡± Garth hazarded.


    ¡°Hell no. I wanna live.¡± Tad said. ¡°Let this dumbass competition weed out the morons. The Wiretaps closer to the center of the Desert Char migration path are going to be bigger, with more silk pods to snatch. They¡¯re generally better fed, and less desperate for food, but if you do irritate them¡­¡± He shrugged. ¡°you¡¯re dead.¡±


    ¡°With a group of three amateurs, the odds of something going horrendously wrong are pretty high, So I want to aim for something more manageable in a worst case scenario.¡±


    ¡°I want to go for a spider on the edge of their territory. I spent the afternoon scouting and I found a web that looks like its owner is well fed. Hopefully we can get the best of both worlds, and the spider is both small and too bloated to lift a finger against intruders.¡±


    In the distance, Garth heard shouting as the covered wagons that had been following them the entire trip unfolded, attracting dozens of students. A single man stood on top of each of them passing things out to the rapidly swelling crowd.


    ¡°They¡¯re handing out supplies.¡± Tad said, standing. ¡°Edward, I need an extra pair of hands.¡±


    ¡°Got it.¡± Garth said, standing. ¡°Be right back.¡±


    The two boys struggled through the crowd to each of the three wagons, getting four sets of bright white armor, four long spears with thick iron braces. They reminded Garth of boar spears. The other wagons handed out food, firewood and¡­puppets?


    ¡°Decoys.¡± Tad said on the way back, holding the lightweight taxidermied lizard in front of himself.


    ¡°Like I said, they¡¯re very sight oriented, not so much on smell or hearing, so if you can fool their sight, you can fool them.¡±


    ¡°They go like this,¡± he said, setting the taxidermied lizard the size of a large dog on the ground, then shoving his boar spear up its cloaca. The spear clicked into place with something on the inside, and suddenly the whole thing was one piece, a lizard puppet on a pole.


    ¡°The release is here.¡± Tad said, leaning forward and striking between the lizard¡¯s back legs. The puppet deformed a bit before Tad¡¯s fist hit something solid, and the lizard detached from the spear.


    ¡°Nifty.¡±


    ¡°Caitlyn¡¯s family makes these for us, actually.¡±


    It hadn¡¯t been lost on Garth that Caitlyn¡¯s last name had been Mcdonnell, the same as the baby-carrying, red-mustached patriarch.


    When they got back to the tents, Alicia and Caitlyn were happily chatting about their favorite gladiators in the Fighting Pits.


    ¡°One shot, every time. You gotta respect somebody who¡¯s that good.¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°Kind of a boring choice, though, All of Goliath¡¯s fights are over too quick. Like, blam, ¡®Aiiiii!¡¯ I like Persius, he may not win them all, but he always puts on a good show¡­and by all the gods, that man¡¯s body¡­¡± Caitlyn¡¯s eyes rolled into the back of her head and her jaw dropped while Alicia chuckled.


    ¡°Wrestling¡¯s fake.¡± Garth said as he and Tad got there.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Nevermind. Got our supplies.¡±


    ¡°You got a¡­puppet?¡± Alicia asked.


    Garth lifted the lizard on the end of his spear and did his best Kermit impression.


    ¡°It¡¯s not easy being green. Especially when you gotta get chewed on by a spider instead of the guy with his hand up your butt.¡±


    Caitlyn gave him a curious glance, while Alicia purposefully ignored him, already used to his antics.


    Maybe I should join Linda¡¯s team, at least to have someone to bounce things off of, Garth thought, setting the puppet down and joining the planning session.


    ****


    Three hours later, when the sun was truly gone, they assembled outside the web that Tad had claimed with a wooden stake with his name on it.


    Problem was, his stake was nowhere to be seen, and the shimmering web had five muscle bound, scar-covered, hardbitten types standing around it.


    Garth wanted to pay attention to the  guys who¡¯d claim jumped Tad¡¯s spot, but his attention was drawn to the creature¡¯s web. It was like looking at a mirage within arm¡¯s length. The ground seemed to morph into the black, star-studded sky at the edge of the web, rippling with the illusion of water as the wind gently blew over it.


    It must fool animals into coming in close for a drink before eating them.


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s cool.¡± Garth muttered. What would silk woven from that even look like? Wait a minute, the prize was Infiltrator Armor? Camo suit? ¡°Very cool.¡±


    ¡°What the hell do you think you¡¯re doing here, Tad?¡± Tad¡¯s brother said, drawing Garth¡¯s attention to him.


    The man¡¯s face was a mass of scar tissue with the exception of the half-mask around his eyes.


    ¡°I could say the same.¡± Tad said. ¡°This is my claim.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± His brother acted surprised, looking around with exaggerated concern. ¡°I don¡¯t see your stake anywhere.¡±


    Tad reached into his vest pocket, pulled out some wax paper with deliberate movements.


    ¡°Say what you like, chucklefuck.¡± He said, pulling out a bit of sticky substance and putting it in his mouth. ¡°I¡¯m not leaving this spot. Maybe you win the fight, and maybe you kill me and the others without suffering debilitating injury. I wrote where I¡¯d be hunting on my will. You think father would miss a drop of blood outside this web?¡±


    Tad¡¯s brother slowly smiled. ¡°Alright then. Worth a shot.¡± He motioned to the others and they walked into the darkness.


    ¡°That was odd,¡± Caitlyn said, staring after them.


    ¡°Ever since I was young I was good at telling which webs were the most profitable. Eventually my brothers started trying to steal my claims, rather than figure out how to read the webs themselves.¡±


    Garth glanced over the different webs scattered across the valley, each a night-time mirage reflecting the stars in the sky.


    ¡°They all look the same to me.¡± Garth said. ¡°That one¡¯s a bit bigger.¡± He pointed, before a motion out of the corner of his eye caught his attention.


    Out past the edge of the torch¡¯s light, Garth¡¯s night vision could make out a dim figure wind it¡¯s arm back and hurl something toward them.


    ¡°One second.¡± Garth said, stepping forward and snatching Tad¡¯s wooden claim stake out of the air before it impacted against the young man¡¯s armor.


    Tad glanced down at the stake, then grabbed it and slammed it back down in the dusty soil with a grimace.


    ¡°Are they trying to kill you?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Just scare me. It probably wouldn¡¯t have gone through the armor, but thanks anyway. They¡¯re just jealous I¡¯m the only one our father has been able to teach how to read the webs. They think I¡¯m cheating somehow.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Garth asked, frowning. It couldn¡¯t be that hard. It wasn¡¯t like his brothers were all lazy. Maybe Tad had something all the others didn¡¯t. Or maybe he and his father were missing something everyone else had.


    ¡°Are you color-blind?¡± Garth asked, glancing at Tad.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Color blindness helps with pattern recognition. They used to use color blind men in the army as scouts because they can see things that were hidden behind camouflage better. Their eyes don¡¯t get confused by the mess of colors.¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°Either that or you¡¯re a tetrachromat, which is primarily a female condition. More likely you¡¯re colorblind. Garth put his backpack down and started rummaging through it.


    ¡°Does anyone have anything red?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Green and grey, let¡¯s make a rainbow.¡±


    ¡°Can we just do the thing?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m curious.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Me too. Here¡¯s some rouge.¡± Caitlyn said, pulling it out of her belt and handing it to Garth.


    ¡°Why are you carrying that?¡± Alicia asked, staring at her.


    ¡°It¡¯s not heavy,¡± she said with a shrug.


    ¡°Okay,¡± Garth said, using the makeup to paint red numbers on various green and yellow leaves torn from the surrounding scrub. ¡°Can you tell me the numbers on these?¡±


    ¡°Do we have to do this?¡± Tad asked.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you wanna see if this is why your brothers can¡¯t ¡®read the webs?¡¯¡± Garth asked.


    Tad considered a moment. ¡°Fine.¡± He held up the leaves under the torchlight.


    ¡°Seven, sixteen, forty-two, eight¡­¡± He held up another slightly dark green succulent leaf with a red twelve written on it. ¡°You forgot to write anything on this.¡±


    ¡°Yep, Tad¡¯s colorblind, mystery solved,¡± Garth said, tossing the leaves aside and dusting his hands off while Tad stared down at the leaf in his hand.


    ¡°How do you know all that?¡± Caitlyn asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m a veritable well of information.¡± Garth preened.


    ¡°Whatever,¡± Tad said, tossing the succulent leaf aside. ¡°Get in your positions.¡±


    The positions were: Tad at the front with the decoy, flanked by Garth and Caitlyn, with Alicia holding the most difficult task of rear guard, walking backwards the entire way with her spear upraised without losing the rest of the group.


    Tad had been torn between being the rear-guard and the lead, but decided to take the lead because he was the only one who knew what they were looking for.


    Under Tad¡¯s direction they crept forward toward the web, decoy in front of them. The spider was diurnal, but it didn¡¯t close its eyes to sleep, or dream. They simply had to present a target small enough that it didn¡¯t think it would make a midnight snack worth waking up for.


    To that end, they all hunched down and made themselves small as they approached the edge of the web.


    ¡°be prepared for anything,¡± Tad whispered as he put the puppet close to the ¡®pond¡¯ and dipped it down a couple times to ¡®drink¡¯.


    Garth¡¯s heart hammered in his chest as he waited for the massive spider he¡¯d been promised, but nothing happened.


    Kinda boring, actually.


    ¡°Ed, Cait, put your spears under the web and lift.¡± Tad said, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his temple, holding his puppet spear braced under his foot.


    Garth and Cait put their spears under the edge of the web and ¨C


    The calm mirage exploded outward as a white haired spider at least eight feet wide leapt out, straight at Tad, ignoring the stuffed animal on the end of his spear.


    Tad gave a shout and jerked the spear upward, matching the blur-fast spider¡¯s downward arch.


    White-furred spider met muppet, and the creature impaled itself on the blade hidden inside, its downward strike halted by the thick cross guard on the spear.


    ¡°Holy-¡° Garth shouted, his voice mingling with the screams of alarm from Alicia and Caitlyn.


    ¡°Masks dow-


    The creature thrashed violently, and a blinding light hit Garth¡¯s retinas, followed by a fuzzy, blunt impact.


    ¡°Gah, son of a bitch!¡± Garth howled as his eyes burned. He tumbled away into something sticky. Probably a spiderweb.


    Not good.


    ¡°Cait, Alicia! Get another spear in it. Don¡¯t be afraid of its legs, just get in there! Cait!¡±


    ¡°My eyes!¡±


    Floating eye.


    Garth summoned a separate eye and used its unburned vision to get a handle on his situation. Garth was currently tumbled into the creature¡¯s web, the sticky mirage-like silk closing in around him like a purse as he sunk into the trap.


    ¡°Son of a bitch!¡± Garth still had his spear, and he plunged it into the ground beneath him. He strummed the wood of the spear with mana like a guitar, and it bent nearly ninety degrees before flinging him partially out of the trap, tangible mirages clinging to his skin and clothes as he flew.


    Garth landed halfway out of the web, and started clawing the rest of the way out, his clothes ripping as the web tried to reel them back in through some unknown mechanism.


    Force armor


    Garth set up a field of force pushing outward from his skin and managed to detach the last of the webs as he crawled forward, trying to take in the situation with his floating eye.


    The spider let out a hiss reminiscent of tearing steel as it thrashed, trying to nail Tad with its foreclaws, sharp as daggers and as long as fingers.


    Tad covered his face with one arm while his other hand held a death grip on the spear. Brilliant glowing hairs detached from the spider¡¯s abdomen and buried themselves in the white boiled leather of his armor, burning brilliantly like white phosphorous.


    God overdesigned spiders. Seriously. How many defenses is this thing supposed to have?


    Alicia was snarling under her mask, thrusting forward with her spear, putting another blade into the monster¡¯s underbelly. The creature¡¯s abdomen was still thrashing wildly, spraying them with glaring white light that reflected off their eye-masks and hitting them with white-phosphorous hairs six inches long.


    Caitlyn was covering her eyes and reaching for something in her belt, her spear on the ground beside her.


    ¡°I need an extra spear to pin its abdomen!¡± Tad shouted, his arm over his eyes, unaware of the entire situation.


    Garth leapt to his feet and lunged forward, commanding Caitlyn¡¯s spear to leap to him.


    ¡°Here!¡± Garth shouted, and Tad reached his arm out blindly.


    Garth shoved the spear into his hand.


    Tad expertly lowered the spear and rammed it forward into the monster¡¯s slender abdomen, pinning its blinding beam and hairs in place.


    The creature shrieked again and nailed the overextended boy on the side of his neck with its talons. Tad saw the blow coming a fraction of a second before it landed, and tucked his neck behind his shoulder right before he was thrown out into the desert sand by the bone-shattering strike.


    Tad flew out with a grunt and landed breathless in the sand.


    Without thinking, Garth lunged forward and grabbed the boys two spears, keeping them from falling out of the spider and ruining their work.


    Suddenly the spider was looming over Garth, it¡¯s claws shredding the air a few inches away from his face as its massive fangs sawed at the wood keeping it on its back feet.


    Not a fan of spiders. Garth, like so many others, was not a huge fan of creepy crawlies. It wasn¡¯t bad enough to be called a phobia, but he definitely found them hair-raising.


    After this, maybe it¡¯ll be a full blown phobia.


    The sheer mind-blowing terror was somewhat offset by the fact that he was watching himself in third person, rather than looking straight up into the bulging eyes and teeth of the monster that wanted to eat him. He was also somewhat distracted by the feel of Alicia pressing up beside him, her focus on keeping the monster still.


    ¡°Stay still!¡± Caitlyn shouted, pulling out a silvery block of¡­is that a gun? The redheaded girl aimed the muzzle at the spider and pulled the trigger.


    Clack, clack, clack! The gunlike object made quiet reports as it sent streaks of reflected light through the air. At each sound, a little hole opened up in the spider¡¯s abdomen. After six shots, Cait fumbled in her belt for another magazine.


    The spider gave another shriek, quieter this time.


    Tad pushed himself to his feet and ran back over to them, favoring his right arm. He took the first spear from Garth¡¯s left hand and leaned on it, hard.


    ¡°Push it over!¡± The three of them put their superhuman strength into pushing the spider onto its back.


    The Wiretap Weaver teetered on its back legs for a moment before finally crashing downward, tangling in its own web.


    ¡°Now! Stab the shit out of it!¡± Tad shouted, leading by example as he drew his spear out one-handed and proceeded to stab the thrashing spider over and over again.


    They followed suit, and in a matter of seconds that seemed to stretch into minutes, the spider was dead, curled in on itself.


    ¡°Whoo!¡± Tad whooped, burying his spear in the ground and unlacing his scorched breastplate. Blood pulsed from the deep cut in his upper shoulder as he did. His chest was covered in burn marks where the phosphorous hairs had gotten through to do damage.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen an easier start to a hunt!¡± he said with a grin, tying a bandage over his shoulder with practiced ease.


    Distant shouts of distress and pain echoed on the wind along with flashes of light. They sat down to take a breather and watch the chaos. Their experience was not unique.


    Macronomicon


    I think I mentioned the laser spiders a good long time ago. Anyway, enjoy some spider-fighting.


    Have fun!


    Patreon is still 42 chapters ahead, but if you''re thinking about jumping in, wait until the end of the month so you don''t get double-charged.

 Chapter 137: Bucket List

    Garth turned the heavy metal pistol over in his hand. It looked a bit like a semi-automatic, with a bit of a blocky profile, not quite as slender and sleek as a modern gun had been.


    ¡°So what¡¯s the propellant?¡± he asked, glancing at Caitlyn.


    ¡°An adamantium spring in the barrel.¡±


    Oh, it¡¯s like an airsoft gun. That shoots steel balls. While Garth thought it was tacky to use one¡¯s knowledge to make guns in a fantasy world, it was totally legit for the natives to make their own guns.


    ¡°What charges the spring?¡± Garth asked, not seeing a lever or hand-action anywhere.


    ¡°It¡¯s not important,¡± Caitlyn said testily, taking the gun out of his hand.


    ¡°Ah, trade secret?¡± Or magic?


    ¡°Something like that.¡±


    ¡°Neat.¡± Garth said. ¡°I couldn¡¯t help but notice your bullets didn¡¯t break the sound barrier.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s the sound barrier?¡± Cait asked.


    ¡°Well, when an object goes faster than the speed of sound-¡° Garth prepared his monologue.


    ¡°Is that really important?¡± Alicia asked.


    Garth considered. ¡°Not really, I was getting to something else.¡± He returned his gaze to Caitlyn. ¡°Have you considered using a lever to increase your acceleration? I¡¯m sure your spring can only move so fast, but if you put a lever on the end of it, like, a little half-moon with the fulcrum braced on the frame of the gun, you could get a faster muzzle velocity.¡±


    ¡°Using the spring¡¯s draw rather than its expansion.¡± Caitlyn¡¯s expression went blank.


    ¡°I could probably use a half circle, make it so the feed will only push a new bullet up when the spring is fully charged. I¡¯d have to restructure the inside, move the spring to the side, and¡­probably get a thicker spring¡­the frame would have to be reinforced, and it might throw off the kick¡­¡±


    Caitlyn began muttering to herself, staring at the ground with her eyes wide.


    Alicia leaned in close and whispered, ¡°I think you broke her.¡±


    ¡°Just wait until I tell her about compound bows.¡± Garth whispered back.


    ¡°Alright, the bleeding is stopped, and I¡¯m done pulling shit out of my armor.¡± Tad said, handing Caitlyn¡¯s pliers back to her.


    She took them absentmindedly, still staring at the ground.


    ¡°Okay, so everyone¡¯s attention.¡± Tad said, jostling Caitlyn until she looked at him.


    ¡°The spider¡¯s lair is under the web, it¡¯s a series of wide, mazelike trenches dug into the ground, with thin dirt walls reinforced by webbing. It¡¯s easy to get lost down there, so keep together to an uncomfortable degree, okay?¡±


    Cait nodded, her eyes focusing again as her mind returned to the situation.


    ¡°So with the spider out of the way, the nest is probably safe, but there¡¯s never any guarantees. It¡¯s got a real low chance of happening, but if that wiretap was a momma, there could be thousands of little ones down there. If that¡¯s the case, running is our only choice, since one bite from the little ones is lethal. If you stay you will be spider food. If I turn and start running, follow me. I¡¯ve been doing this long enough to get back to the entrance just fine.¡±


    ¡°One other potential way we could get killed is if one of the other Wiretaps gets curious and comes to investigate this web. It¡¯s unlikely since this is on the outskirts, but¡­ don¡¯t let your guard down, that¡¯s how two of my uncles died.¡±


    ¡°Got it.¡± Garth said, hefting Caitlyn¡¯s spear. Garth¡¯s spear was an irrecoverable mess, covered with sticky webs. Caitlyn had her pistol out, in the center of the group


    ¡°Alright then,¡± Tad said, holding his spear out in front of him.


    ¡°Let¡¯s lift the edge of the web again.¡± He chuckled, his knuckles white on the grip of his spear. He and Garth once again lifted the edge of the web.


    Garth primary heart pounded in his chest as he expected to see light glinting off another bulbous eye before a flurry of motion sealed his fate. The single event had already registered as a Do not want activity in Garth¡¯s brain. No wonder Tad is so stressed out, Garth thought, glancing at the sweating youth.


    Nothing revealed itself, no lidless eyes, no white, burning hairs, or lasers on the end of long, teardrop shaped abdomens, just a gradual ramp leading down under the web.


    They ducked under the web, the view of its mirage shifting drastically as they reached eye level, and then entered the ground beneath it.


    The light of the stars was cut off, and the world became pitch black as they lowered the web tarp-roof over themselves. Now that Garth saw the layout, he understood more about how the webs worked. They were strung like a gazebo between the walls that made the maze, projecting the illusion of water above their heads, waiting for an idiot animal to fell into it.


    The webs would sink into the maze, folding around the creature, practically gift-wrapping it.


    The spider would bite then wrap up its prey, before repairing the damage to the web.


    Then why does it need all the other ways to kill things? Garth thought bitterly as they silently stalked down the trench, each of them keeping a hand on another person¡¯s shoulder and their heads on a swivel. Freakin¡¯ overdesigned piece of garbage.


    Garth thought about the pure yellow Senses heartstone just smaller than a golf ball in his pocket. Great heartstones, though.


    Tad lead the way with a torch held low, so as not to set the roof on fire. They followed the twists and turns of the maze, slowly going deeper until they arrived at a stone chamber that gave off heat like an open oven.


    The stone chamber had a narrow opening compared to the rest of the maze, with only enough room for two people to enter at once.


    Tad set his torch down outside the chamber, and Garth realized that it was lit: the ceiling was glowing with the concentrated light of millions of stars packed together like sardines, lighting the chamber up with pale light, almost as bright as fully functional fluorescent lighting.


    ¡°This is the oven, where the wiretap cooks its prey. Imagine how hot it is during the day,¡± Tad said, pulling his armor¡¯s hood and face mask up and around his eye protection, until they couldn¡¯t see any of his skin. They followed suit, protecting their skin before following him into the suffocating heat.


    Garth saw where parts of the wall had scorch marks and rivulets of blackened stone where it had been melted to the spider¡¯s exacting specifications. Did it seriously dig through stone with a laser? Nature is weird.


    ¡°They like the warm.¡± Tad said, looking around for an attack. ¡°They bake their prey here during the day and sleep here at night.¡± Tad said. ¡°See this?¡± he pointed at a vaguely lizard-shaped mirage stuck to the floor. It was almost invisible until Garth¡¯s eyes adjusted, like looking at one of those old 3-d pictures. ¡°Three of these are enough material to make a dress that your aunts pay would eighty thousand credits for.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s dozens of them here.¡± Caitlyn said, glancing around the melted stone room.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you use the material above us?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°My question exactly.¡± Garth chimed in.


    Tad glanced back at them, his expression unreadable behind the heat-mask. Most likely weighing how much to tell them. He shrugged.


    ¡°It¡¯s too delicate. This stuff,¡± he kicked a wrapped-up lizard, ¡°this stuff is tougher and easier to process. Start scraping these off the floor, we¡¯ll carry two per person.¡±


    I wonder if it¡¯s a natural byproduct of baking it. Garth thought, studying the cocoons up close as he slid his spear under them and started prying. Maybe the strands get fused together thicker by the high temperatures.


    It was laborious work, and Tad simply stood in the corner and kept his eyes wide, watching the three different entrances, spear held in the guard position.


    Garth didn¡¯t mind. It was better than getting jumped by a spider moving faster than a cheetah. He could probably fight one off by himself, but it wouldn¡¯t be pleasant.


    About four minutes in, the intense heat was just starting to get to them through their heavy clothes when Garth managed to pry the first silk cocoon off the ground, revealing a writhing mass of pale multilegged horrors surrounding a mummified lizard.


    In the blink of an eye, one of them jumped on Garth, its tiny fangs rebounding against his Bark Skin spell. The rest swarmed forward, rushing towards Garth.


    ¡°Shit!¡± Garth shouted, stumbling backward and catching Tad¡¯s attention.


    ¡°Babies.¡± Tad said in a calm voice with a hard edge to it. The rapidly spreading swarm was filling the area that they had come from, so he swung his spear to face the north exit. ¡°That direction. Now.¡±


    Garth and Tad juked around the swarm, heading toward where Alicia and Caitlyn were prying cocoons off the groun near the North exit.


    ¡°Ed,¡± Tad said, pausing by Alicia¡¯s cocoon and seizing it. Garth stopped for an instant and the two of them yanked upward, breaking the silk wrap away from the stone floor in an instant, bringing a bit of stone floor up with it, before Tad tucked it under his arm and kept running, the two of them making it out of the oven just ahead of the swarm chasing them.


    ¡°Keep moving. Light jog. Don¡¯t run.¡± Tad said, his voice studiously calm as they fled the spider hoard into the blackness of the tunnels.


    ¡°Don¡¯t run??¡± Alicia demanded.


    ¡°Wanna get separated?¡± Tad asked, his slow pace keeping him just barely ahead of the swarm of spiders chittering behind them. Alicia shook her head and kept just ahead of Tad, concern written across her face. Thankfully the Wiretaps were too young to shoot lasers or incendiary hairs at them, so they could only chase. After a short minute long jog following the trench walls, the little ones got hungry and started settling for eating each other, breaking off pursuit to devour their brothers and sisters.


    When he heard the speed of the swarm drop drastically, Tad sighed and slowed to a walk, pulling a spare torch out of his backpack, handing Garth his spear while he scraped sparks over the smelly cloth. A few seconds later, real light filled the trench.


    ¡°We all here?¡± Tad asked, glancing around at Garth and Alicia. They were conspicuously missing Caitlyn. ¡°Apparently not.¡±


    Tad¡¯s eyes narrowed as he used the torch to light up the swarm behind them, busily devouring each other.


    Tad clicked his tongue. ¡°Can¡¯t let a Mcdonnell die down here. Dad¡¯ll have my ass.¡±


    ¡°Okay, Here¡¯s the plan¡­..damn.¡± He glanced up. ¡°I can hop over to another trench and double back while you guys make a break for the outside.¡±


    ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°These are only for emergencies, but I¡¯d say this counts. If I¡¯m gonna get cussed out either way¡­¡± He pulled a stick off his belt and twisted a cap off the end of it.


    The foot long stick burst into brilliant white molten heat, flooding the tunnel with light and attracting the attention of the spiderlings, who began to creep closer, as if hypnotized.


    Tad didn¡¯t pay any attention to them, instead holding the white-hot stick to the web above them, melting a hole through the fiber-optic webbing of the ceiling. A terrible acrid stench filled the hall, and little flaming bits of web rained down above them, burning patches of their hoods.


    In a few seconds, there was a hole in the ceiling big enough for a person.


    ¡°Up,¡± Tad said, tossing the flare down the tunnel, where the spiderlings converged on it, heedless of the molten temperature that popped them with odd sizzling noises.


    Alicia leapt up the wall, caught the edge, and teetered precariously for an instant before walking across the narrow wall covered in webs, her arms steadying her.


    ¡°I feel like I¡¯m standing on the sky.¡± She said.


    ¡°Just don¡¯t fall in,¡± Tad said, following behind Garth and tossing his silk-covered lizard clear of the web. ¡°Cuz that¡¯s a death sentence.¡± He scanned the mirage they were standing on top of.


    ¡°The center of the web is over there, where the oven is.¡± We ran out that way, and turned this direction. I saw Caitlyn leave the same way so she must have taken a right. If she¡¯s still alive, she¡¯s probably¡­¡± Tad pulled out another flare and lit it up, throwing it in a high arc, where it landed on the opposite side of the massive, shimmering mirage.


    ¡°Over there,¡± Tad said as the flare burned a hole through the web, dropping into the distant trench.


    Scry


    Garth glanced down into the reflective surface of the web and saw the flare land right next to Caitlyn, who was shivering in fright.


    Damn. Kid¡¯s good.


    ¡°What are those things anyway?¡±


    ¡°Wiretap hairs.¡± Tad pointed toward the north. ¡°The edge of the web¡¯s only twenty feet away from us, with some careful walking and a pole-vault, you¡¯ll be out of the web in a minute or two. I don¡¯t have time to chat.¡± He turned toward the


    ¡°I¡¯d like to come with.¡± Garth said. He wasn¡¯t interested in letting Tad or Caitlyn die.


    Tad shrugged. ¡°Your funeral. Step only where I do.¡± He deftly walked around Garth and Alicia by leaning at a forty-five degree angle and using his spear to push off the opposite wall hidden beneath the rippling mirage.


    ¡°Rule number one. I¡¯m staying with the group,¡± Alicia said, hefting her rapier. She¡¯d lent Caitlyn her spear so the girl could pry effectively.


    Now they only had two spears between them.


    ¡°Good plan.¡± Tad said, poking the ground in front of him as he followed the top of the wall, looking like a man walking through open space. Garth and Alicia followed suit, poking the ground in front of themselves as they backtracked to the distant hole in the web.


    ¡°Caitlyn!¡± Tad shouted at the top of his lungs.


    ¡°Yeah!?¡± Caitlyn¡¯s voice came from the hole.


    ¡°You bit!?¡±


    ¡°No!¡±


    Tad muttered, ¡°damn, I have to rescue her now.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re coming!¡± he shouted.


    In a couple minutes they made their way to the hole that was filled with acrid, burning smoke. Caitlyn stood in the white light of the flare, pressing her bandana tightly over her face, expression unreadable.


    The three of them hopped down in the trench, looking around. They were in a dead end, the only way forward leading back toward the baby spiders.


    ¡°You¡¯re damn lucky you¡¯re not spider food. Let¡¯s climb back out and find a better path out.¡± Garth heard Tad say, right before a shadow crossed over the stars above.


    There was a screeching hiss and four long forelegs reached through the ceiling, snatching Tad up and drawing him toward the opening in the ceiling. The hair monster lunged forward, its face half-sticking through the hole in the ceiling, bulbous, unblinking eyes taking in their every move.


    ¡°Gah,¡± A surge of adrenaline shocked Garth¡¯s system as he grunted, lowered his spear and jammed it up into the spider¡¯s face an instant before Tad was skewered.


    Alicia grabbed Tad¡¯s leg and bodily yanked him sideways, the struggling youth¡¯s armor the only thing was the only thing keeping him from being ripped to shreds by the grasping talons as he was pulled out of the spider¡¯s grasp.


    The spider shrieked and backed away from the hole in a flash of movement, like it had never been there.


    ¡°We¡­ probably shouldn¡¯t go back up above the web.¡± Tad said, holding a shaking hand to the bloody hood covering his scalp.


    ¡°I thought you said it was probably safe, and that a baby swarm and a rogue spider were both unlikely.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°It was unlikely, and it shouldn¡¯t be happening,¡± Tad said with a shrug. ¡°but let¡¯s not pretend like it¡¯s not.¡±


    ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be in horrible agony?¡± Alicia asked, glancing at Tad, covered in minor cuts and burns.


    ¡°Oh, I will be if we live. I took some excellent painkillers before we got started. Who wants to die in horrible pain, amiright?¡±


    ¡°Is that what that was?¡±


    ¡°I guess we need to figure out what to do.¡± Tad said, glancing up at the hole of sudden death and down at the passage of deadly poison.


    ¡°But first, does anyone else here not wanna die a virgin?¡±


    At their awkward silence, he gave a sad laugh.


    ¡°Just me then. Cool.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Enjoy youthful hijinks!


    I''m starting a Beta webnovel on my Patreon, 13 chapters long and counting. Once it hits 50k words I''ll toss it up on here, but ''till then it''s a secret.


    A bit more LitRPG than this one, but not by much.


    Oh, and I managed to pull 1 chapter ahead, putting Patreon''s lead up to 43 chapters.


    Thanks for reading and have fun!

 Chapter 138: Exit Stratege-r-y

    Ben Tunken sat on the hillside overlooking the Wiretap nests. The Thrask watched the brilliant lights bloom in the distance with his spyglass, suppressing the urge to yawn. Another day, another boring assassination meant to look like an accident.


    Ben hadn¡¯t always killed people for money, he¡¯d actually gone AWOL out on his second tour in the military when he saw how bad he had it, and paid some smugglers to bring him to the Outer Spheres.


    Take a little military training and some required animal handling spells from the Inner Sphere, and move out to the Outer Spheres, and he was practically a god. With a mental flick of the wrist, he could make a horse break someone¡¯s neck, a beloved dog go for the jugular, or a cat kill an infant while the parents slept.


    Although he¡¯d never quite had a job quite like this one. Hundreds of targets, and rather than anyone in particular, a percentage: sixty percent.


    Ben didn¡¯t see many light flashes coming from the northwest side of the valley, so he drew the thin thread of mana from the environment and reached out, feeling the underdeveloped minds of the spiders in their nighttime torpor. He sent a wave of adrenaline, stoking the fight-or-flight instinct of the spiders in that area, and rousing them from their sleep.


    Just like a painting, a swath of color bloomed on that part of the valley as the spiders reacted violently to the intruders.


    Maybe I should aim for a perfect score, Ben thought as he directed a Wiretap¡¯s attention to a retreating group of children, where it pounced on them, breaking the group apart and killing one young man outright.


    Speaking of children. He glanced beside him at the two young monkeys with their tiny jaws and pointy, bulbous noses.


    ¡°Maggie didn¡¯t say anything about babysitting,¡± He said gruffly.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to worry about us, big guy, You¡¯ve got your job, we¡¯ve got ours. We can handle ourselves.¡± The little golden haired one said, sending him a seductive smile. Ben would have appreciated it if she didn¡¯t look like a long-nosed baboon.


    ¡°And what is your job?¡±


    ¡°Seems fairly obvious.¡± The bigger monkey said, his eye peering into the scope on a crossbow that was almost bigger than he was.


    ¡°You¡¯re here to kill a high percentage, and we¡¯re here to make sure one specific person joins them.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± Ben said. He had been wondering what they were doing here with such a tremendous crossbow when he had already agreed to do the work.


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°Do you care?¡±


    ¡°I do not.¡± Ben replied, dropping the issue.


    ¡°How did you get all the spiders to attack?¡± The golden haired monkey asked. ¡°It¡¯s uncanny.¡±


    ¡°I burned a secret blend of herbs, upwind of the valley a few hours ago,¡± Ben lied. ¡°It puts the spiders on edge.¡±


    ¡°Simple,¡± The bigger monkey said, nodding without looking away from his scope. ¡°I like it.¡±


    ¡°You really do have a way with animals, Ben. Are you sure the Dentons couldn¡¯t retain you full time?¡±


    ¡°Sadly, I¡¯ve got a rather unique face here on Earth,¡± Ben said, carefully tiptoeing his mana past the slumbering entity in the center of the valley to sow chaos on the opposite side.


    For an instant, he brushed up against it. its sheer malice and hunger made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, as dreadful as if some omniscient being had a personal vendetta against him: Knew everything about him and didn¡¯t sympathize one little bit. It made it hungry.


    In that momentary contact, he felt its dreamlike trance begin to melt through his mental defences at an astounding rate before he pulled away.


    Ben kept a straight face as he inflamed the aggression of the spiders on the far side of the valley, keeping his breathing calm.


    ¡°what about your face?¡± the small monkey asked.


    ¡°Oh, my enemies would find me easily if I were to stay in one place.¡± Ben said.


    ¡°I understand.¡±


    The larger monkey was silent, staring down the scope, watching the shimmering web on the north-west corner of the desert valley.


    ***Garth**


    ¡°How about your flares?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Can we use them to get around the swarm?¡±


    ¡°No. By this point they¡¯re starting to diffuse through the entire nest. Not a swarm anymore. We¡¯ve probably only got a couple minutes before they start stumbling on us a couple at a time.¡±


    ¡°Can we go through the wall?¡± Alicia asked, knocking on the web-reinforced dirt. It might as well have been concrete.


    ¡°Normally I¡¯d say no,¡± Tad said, glancing down at Alicia¡¯s monumentally expensive rapier. ¡°But this is one of those situations. Give it a shot. The side wall has a better chance of being connected to something.¡±


    Alicia took the length of adamantium on her waist and jammed it through the wall with a grunt before she began sawing through, her blade moving at a snail¡¯s pace.


    ¡°I¡¯ll check for the babies.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Careful not to look¡­appetizing.¡± Tad said.


    Garth took a few steps further into the tunnel, keeping his eyes open for spiderlings. After a short turn, he saw them: a loose mess of spiderlings, some hibernating, some wandering around. A few of them turned to gaze at his light source.


    On the ground was the massacre of dead spiderlings that had been eaten by their siblings. The pool of bodies was clumped in one spot, forming a perfect line that stretched from one side of the tunnel to the other.


    It seemed there hadn¡¯t been a single spider that had chosen to go further than that point. Or maybe they weren¡¯t able to.


    Interesting.


    Garth held out a hand and send a gust of poisoned wind out, sending all the spiderlings to eternal sleep. With their tiny systems, they were particularly easy to poison.


    At least I can make it safe under here without stirring up too much trouble. Garth didn¡¯t think he could nail down the big one long enough to take it out of commission without arousing suspicion, but a bunch of babies dying of malnutrition happened all the time in nature.


    Still, there was always a chance some of the spiderlings resisted, or were sheltered from the wind, and wound up biting one of his team-mates. It would be best if they simply got the hell out.


    Garth checked the tunnel one last time then turned back, where Caitlyn was wrapping a bandage around Tad¡¯s scalp and Alicia was busily sawing through the wall.


    ¡°How¡¯d it look?¡± Tad asked.


    ¡°Seems like they¡¯re asleep, all tuckered out from eating each other.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Thank the gods for that.¡± Tad said, relaxing against the wall.


    Caitlyn finished the bandage and leaned against the wall herself, both of them careful not to get within range of the hole in the ceiling.


    Garth glanced over where Alicia was working, and decided to speed things up.


    ¡°May I?¡± Garth asked, stepping up beside her.


    ¡°You can have Guile when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.¡± Alicia said, continuing her fevered sawing at the web-reinforced wall.


    ¡°Not what I meant,¡± Garth said, closing his fingers down around hers. Alicia stiffened for a moment before nodding, and the two of them began forcing the blade through the compacted dirt at a prodigious rate.


    As they worked, Garth could feel the warmth of her body against his own, her shoulder and hip pressing against him as they sawed. With a bit of focus he was able to shut out his hyper awareness of the pretty girl beside him and focus on the task at hand. Just barely.


    A minute later, Alicia muttered, ¡°You smell nice.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a Gift.¡± From Beladia.


    Alicia snorted, and kept sawing.


    Once they were through, Alicia took a step back and kicked, hard. The two-foot circle of wall peeled open, dangling on the other side by a few uncut pieces of web.


    ¡°Alright, lemme take a look. Don¡¯t wanna go losing your head.¡± Tad said, taking Caitlyn¡¯s makeup mirror on the end of a spear and scanning the opposite side of the wall for spiders.


    ¡°It would suck all kinds of ass to jump through here and have a bunch of the little ones fall on our heads.¡± he muttered, tongue slipping out of his mouth as he concentrated.


    ¡°Looks clear.¡± He turned back. ¡°Fast as possible. Me, in and left.¡± He pointed at himself, then motioned to the hole. ¡°Then you,¡± he pointed at Alicia. ¡°In and right.¡± He pointed at Caitlyn. ¡°In and left.¡± He pointed at Garth . ¡°Go in backwards. You¡¯re watching our asses.¡±


    Garth nodded.


    ¡°Three, two¡­¡± Without hesitation, Tad threw his spear and jumped through the hole in the wall, coming to his feet and breaking left, Alicia hot on his heels and breaking right. A second later, Caitlyn jumped through, her feet catching on the wall. She pushed herself to her feet and raised her gun in an instant, going toward Tad.


    Garth backed up to the hole, spear lifted, eyes trained on the hole in the ceiling. He made out a single bulbous eye just barely visible over the edge of the burned web, watching him.


    Garth kept the spear between them as he gave the creature the finger, feet scraping against the floor as he eased his way backward toward the hole. Once he was there, he lifted his feet and plunged backward, supporting himself with the spear and trying to get through as quickly as possible. That was the vulnerable part. Surprisingly, the spider didn¡¯t go for him. the bulbous eyes disappeared as if they¡¯d never been there. Catch you later.


    Predators seem like they¡¯re smart, like they¡¯re toying with you¡­That¡¯s just natural selection carrying on the most brutally effective hunting methods.


    Garth heaved a sigh of relief as he came to a stand in the center of the group. They were still going to have to deal with the monster on the way out, he realized.


    Something to look forward to.


    Tad led the way, until they came across a section where the floor slanted upward, leading up into the web above them.


    ¡°Here¡¯s the exit,¡± he said, pointing at the ramp. ¡°The murder hole, where they come out to snatch their prey or defend their territory.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t there a big spider waiting for us on the on the other side of this?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, but it¡¯s not that smart.¡± Tad said. ¡°Assuming we trick it, we might just go home today.¡±


    ¡°How do you plan on tricking it?¡±


    ¡°Ever play with a cat? I figured I¡¯d make another decoy, let it take it, then stab it, oh, about seventeen or so times.


    ¡°Where are you gonna get another decoy?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Thought I¡¯d use my armor.¡± Tad said, unbuckling his breastplate.


    ¡°Use mine,¡± Garth said, stopping him. ¡°You need that armor to keep all the blood inside you.¡±


    A few minutes later, Garth was standing there in his underwear, feeling the cool night air crawling up his back.


    Were he not supremely confident that none of these spiders could hurt him, he wouldn¡¯t have offered to let Tad use his armor. Garth made sure he was wearing force armor, and Bark skin though.


    I¡¯m not totally crazy.


    On the end of Tad¡¯s spear was a makeshift man, a boiled leather cuirass with arms and legs filled with wadded clothing and a lumpy head packed inside the hood.


    ¡°?I¡¯m just a normal, everyday, unsuspecting huuuman.¡± Tad sang softly to himself as he watched the web. He lifted the head of the dummy up to the web and jostled it a couple times to make sure they had the Wiretap¡¯s attention.


    ¡°? Sure hope no giant pain in the ass, tackles me on the way out of this here neeest.¡±


    Garth carefully peeled the edge of the web back while Alicia watched their back.


    Tad wiggled the dummy, making it march up the ramp and into the dim light of the stars.


    There was a rapid drumlike sound an instant before a blur of pale white screamed in from the left. The wiretap tackled the dummy at breakneck speeds, slamming it to the ground. The plan worked perfectly, but the angle of the spider¡¯s strike slammed Tad¡¯s spear handle into his ribs and snapped the wooden pole off.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Tad grunted as he was driven to his knees. ¡°Get it.¡± he groaned.


    Garth rushed forward with the last remaining spear, toward the creature slamming foot-long fangs through his armor.


    It dodged.


    The spider saw the strike coming and ducked before skittering sideways at a speed nearly too fast for the eye. Jesus, that¡¯s-crap! Just as Garth thought the monster was retreating, it pounced forward again, knocking his spear aside and going for his delicious Garthmeats.


    Garth was barely able to drop the spear in time to catch the two fangs plunging toward him with his hands.


    Way closer than I wanted to be! Garth thought as the creature¡¯s hairs broke off and folded against Force armor.


    ¡°Hold on!¡± Alicia shouted, running forward, swinging with her rapier. Did anyone ever tell her that it¡¯s a stabbing weapon?


    The spider skittered to the side, and Garth¡¯s death grip on the monster¡¯s fangs took him along for the ride, roadhauling him ten feet in the blink of an eye.


    ¡°Get it to hold still!¡± Garth heard Caitlyn shout. all he could see was fangs and weird mandible things and deadly white hairs.


    Piece of shit, Garth thought.


    Telekinesis.


    With an effort of will, Garth snapped the two fangs in his hands off and pushed the spider away.


    It reeled back, screeching loud enough to bust eardrums.


    ¡°There!¡±


    Clack, clack, clack! Garth heard the sound of Caitlyn¡¯s gun.


    Several holes opened up on the creature¡¯s carapace, and one of its largest eyes burst. It shrieked, shivered and lunged for Garth again. Alicia stepped up beside him with his spear and caught the monster on the crossguard.


    ¡°Thanks. One second.¡± Garth lunged forward, the creature¡¯s bladed talons unable to pierce his spellwork. Garth slammed into the creature¡¯s abdomen, knocking it backwards and stabbing it wildly with its own fangs.


    Phosphorous hairs popped under him by the dozen, forcing Garth to retreat from the extreme heat. Unfortunately for the spider, none of them penetrated Garth¡¯s Force armor, and they were all still resting on the creature¡¯s abdomen. Those hairs caught more alight, and the spider thrashed on the ground as a large portion of its internal organs cooked.


    ¡°That sucked.¡± Caitlyn said. ¡°I know for sure now. The Williams are crazy.¡±


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± Alicia asked, glancing up and down Garth¡¯s unmarred body, eyes lingering a bit longer than necessary.


    ¡°I got lucky,¡± Garth said with a wink.


    ¡°Go team.¡± Tad grunted, cradling his broken ribs. ¡°I think my drugs are wearing off.¡± He stooped to pick up the cocooned lizard he¡¯d thrown out earlier. ¡°Let¡¯s go back to camp. I¡¯ve got some more there.¡±


    ¡°Is it always this bad?¡± Alicia asked as they turned away from the valley.


    ¡°Hell no. I thought we were home free after the first one. This was like the perfect storm of suckage. They shouldn¡¯t have been that fast either. Didn¡¯t wanna worry you guys, though.¡± Tad said as he limped along.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t wanna worry us? What was that about not dying a virgin?¡± Alicia asked with a raised brow.


    ¡°Is that an offer?¡±


    ¡°Shove it, Tad.¡±


    Garth was walking along beside them, chuckling, when a whizzing impact made it difficult to breath.


    What the-


    Garth came to a fraction of a second later, sliding along the scratchy desert floor, his armor spells destroyed, and his chest cavity crushed by a half-inch bolt comprised entirely of adamantium.


    Garth only saw about an inch of it sticking out.


    That¡¯s bad.


    Macronomicon


    CLIFF!


    Sorry, it''s my job. Gotta do it every now and then.


    The current rate of release is a byproduct of splitting my time between two stories. My apologies, but I have a solid start on the new one, and it''ll be coming out right about....NOW!

 Chapter 139: First Volley

    ¡°Nice shot!¡± the golden monkey said, patting the larger one on the shoulder as they stood.


    ¡°Shoulda aimed lower,¡± The bigger one muttered, sliding backwards. ¡°Shooting downhill threw me off.¡±


    ¡°Good enough for me. We¡¯ll deliver the second half of your fee to tomorrow morning, Mr. Ben.¡± The two monkeys turned away and began creeping back down the side of the hill.


    Ben grunted, using his spyglass to watch the collapsed figure. Whoever it was had gotten nailed right in the center of his chest. There was no surviving that. Was the boy just being modest? Or had he actually been aiming at the boy¡¯s crotch?


    The teen monkeys that were with him, crowded around their fellow monkey, most likely making their wailing danger-noises. They should be scavenging his pockets and moving on. It wasn¡¯t exactly safe there anyway.


    Humans are so weak.


    Ben was peeking through the spyglass when he spotted a wave of green mana coalesce around the corpse an instant before the three other monkeys went limp, collapsing into a boneless pile around it.


    ¡°What¡­the?¡±


    A stream of green mana snaked up the side of the hill in a fraction of a second, brilliant enough to bring tears to Ben¡¯s eyes. Someone was sending mana to trace the shot back.


    ¡°Shit!¡± Ben shouted, leaping from his stony perch. No one told me there¡¯d be other magic users!


    He was much too late. The desert floor around him exploded with grasping vines. Chips of stone flew everywhere, making shallow cuts in Ben¡¯s thick skin. The vine wrapped around his limbs as he tried to run, thickening and turning to incredibly dense wood.


    Ben tore his knife out of his belt with his free hand and brought it down with full force on the vines curling around his other arm.


    The blade bit half a centimeter into the wood before it snapped off at the handle, the wood regaining its shape through some miraculous elasticity.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± Ben cursed, struggling in the grasp of the vines. They started to wind around his other hand, rendering him powerless.


    This was a worst case scenario. If he was caught he¡¯d have to answer for the deaths of dozens of monkeys. Death would most likely not be swift.


    ¡°Children, release me!¡± Ben shouted at the two monkeys who¡¯d turned to gawk at him from outside the range of the grasping vines.


    ¡°Huh. Looks like it didn¡¯t take.¡± The bigger one said. ¡°Plan B?¡±


    ¡°We can¡¯t just leave him there.¡± the golden one said. It should have relieved him, but something in the way she said it made Ben¡¯s blood run cold. They wouldn¡¯t dare!


    A tiny voice whispered to him that they would dare, that he¡¯d already seen what they could do.


    ¡°You¡¯re right about that.¡± The bigger one said, reloading his crossbow.


    ¡°No!¡± Ben shouted. ¡°Just set me free. I can work for the Dentons! You don¡¯t have to do this!¡±


    ¡°People of all races grovel alike, have you noticed that, Kyle?¡±


    ¡°Eh.¡± The bigger one said, aiming his crossbow. ¡°You might feel a little pinch.¡±


    In a panic, Ben thrashed in the restraints as hard as he could, and a bolt whizzed by his face, taking a large portion of his ear with it.


    The pain calmed Ben down. This is it. I¡¯m most likely going to die.


    ¡°Damn, stop wiggling.¡±


    A surge of anger rose up as the bigger one started reloading the crossbow again.


    If I¡¯m going to die, I¡¯ll take as many of you with me as I can. Ben thought, reaching out with his senses and mentally poking the evil thing at the center of the valley with every ounce of hopelessness he was experiencing right now. Shock the thing into a rampage.


    Maybe it will buy me time to escape in the confusion-


    Ben¡¯s thoughts were cut off when the smaller monkey drew her sword and ran forward, jamming it into his throat.


    Searing pain enveloped Ben¡¯s consciousness as the golden monkey gave the sword a twist and a jerk, severing his spinal column and his major veins.


    ¡°We don¡¯t have time for target practice,¡± he heard her say, turning away from him without a second glance and grabbing the bigger one¡¯s elbow. The last thing Ben saw was the two of them sprinting away, their superhuman strength seeing them cross the desert in tremendous leaps.


    Damn you.


    The last sensation Ben had was a strange sliding sensation, as the thing in the center of the valley latched onto his mind and began shucking it like an oyster.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Edward, what happened!?¡±


    Seems obvious.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    Better than I look.


    The teens crowded around Garth, making an already highly uncomfortable situation claustrophobic as well.


    I can¡¯t let them see what happens next. Garth filled the air with soporifics, and the three children practically headbutted him, teetering over and slamming their foreheads into his already wounded chest, forcing a groan out of him.


    Garth searched his memory, focusing on the instant of trajectory he¡¯d seen before being shot, then figuring out its origin by running the bolt back along its flight path.


    Top of that hill, huh?


    Garth sent a burst of mana up the hill, intending to catch whoever was up there.


    Once that was done, Garth took another look at the bolt in his chest.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Garth coughed up a mouthful of blood as he sat up, ignoring the strange tugging sensation as the bolt came out of the ground.


    The damn thing went right through his heart, and clipped his diaphragm, making it hard to breath.


    Garth¡¯s backup heart had already kicked into gear, and his secondary oxygenators were working, albeit poorly in the low light.


    Thank Beladia for turning this shit down, Garth thought as he inspected the wound. He felt like he got kicked in the chest by a donkey, but he should be in mind-numbing, PTSD-causing, blackout levels of pain.


    Grunting, Garth reached an arm behind himself and touched a finger to the bolt head sticking out. It was covered in blood and dirty, dirty, dirt. Garth stripped a rag off of his sleeve and wiped the bolt down as best as he could before yanking it out.


    Having a solid object pass through his heart felt wrong, on a whole bunch of levels, but Garth managed to get it out without losing his lunch. Can¡¯t believe all those practice sessions with Cass are actually paying off.


    Hmm, Garth thought as he studied the fortune in his hands. Someone was nice enough to send me two pounds of adamantium, express. It¡¯ll definitely help building the lab. I should see if they¡¯re willing to part with any more.


    Heal.


    He stood up, coughing the rest of the blood out of his throat as he studied the hill the shot had come from. The rocky hilltop was covered with writhing vines. When Garth squinted his eyes, he thought he could see some kind of figure caught in the spell.


    Write that one down as Grasping Vines. It¡¯s a classic.


    Garth grunted, momentarily distracted as his ribs began to snap back into place.


    He was blinking tears out of his eyes when he noticed a long, thin strand of reddish mana coming from the hilltop, heading to the East, disappearing into the center of the valley.


    Some kind of alarm, or S.O.S signal? Garth thought to himself, squinting at the thin stream of mana. In any case, it was probably better to get up there before¡­


    The mana dimmed for a moment, before there was a flash of light.


    A cord of mana traced the S.O.S. back to the source, and something about it gave Garth the gut feeling that he should either stand very still, or run very fast¡­preferably both.


    That doesn¡¯t look good. Garth thought as a thin black stream was drawn back through the mana cord like a straw. His gaze followed the mana-straw all the way back to where it disappeared into the ground in the center of the valley.


    A monsterous Wiretap about fifteen feet across pulled itself out of the dusty soil, shaking the dirt off itself in a cascade of dust. It seemed to be coming from the biggest mirage, in the very center of the valley, the one Garth had pointed to earlier in the night.


    Oh, oh my. A mother¡¯s comforting voice resounded in Garth¡¯s mind as the gigantic Wiretap did a leisurely spin to observe the entire valley. I was wondering what the commotion was about. It¡¯s really quite the infestation, isn¡¯t it?


    Crap, Garth thought, sneaking closer to the rest of his group. Giant monsters referring to humans as an infestation was never a good thing. If the thing in the center of the valley saw him move, it didn¡¯t react. There were plenty of other young men and women screaming and running with a lot more vigor, anyway.


    Let¡¯s see If we can clean this up a bit. The spider said, its abdomen flipping up. Garth made out a waist-thick cord of solid webbing connected to it before a brilliant beam of white, concentrated starlight began to sweep across the west side of the valley, where most of the students were trying to reach the camp on the other side.


    Garth couldn¡¯t see exactly what was happening because the glare was too bright, but wherever the light touched a student, when it moved on, there was no student. A white-hot, molten picture was being scribbled on the side of the hill in liquid glass.


    ¡°Welp, that¡¯s bad.¡± Garth muttered, crouching down and summoning some cover before sending his mana deep into the earth. Can¡¯t let it keep murdering kids.


    The creature¡¯s strength biggest strength was its light-beams. No reason not to quash that where he could.


    Garth¡¯s cover was a mirrored wood satellite dish covered in bark. In the creature¡¯s lair, Garth¡¯s mana rose from the earth, forcing the growth of firemoss along its walls and ceilings.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see what happens,¡± Garth muttered, glancing at the adamantium bolt in his hands. ¡°It¡¯s been awhile.¡± Garth set the bolt in the ground beside him and rubbed his hands together, dusting off one of his long-neglected original spells.


    Garth¡¯s Fusillade.


    Garth caused a stiff wind to rush in from behind him, carrying his spores forward at maybe thirty miles an hour. He limited the scope of the spell, creating less missiles in exchange for making them much bigger.


    A dozen ten-foot long wooden arrows grew in thin air, creating a puff of ash as they shed their bark, before orienting on the gigantic spider. The magic propulsion kicked in, and the arrows took off, wanting nothing more than to nestle themselves inside the creature.


    It would be really nice if these hit, Garth thought, watching the spider who was humming a meaningless tune as she scoured the people off the side of her valley. But I don¡¯t think it¡¯s gonna happen. These spiders moved fast. Possibly fast enough to dodge his arrows.


    As he¡¯d feared, the spider¡¯s eyesight was practically a hundred and eighty degrees. It was humming an aimless tune one second, and the next it was a hundred feet away from where the greatspear-sized arrows had embedded themselves.


    Garth adjusted the dish.


    ¡°Hey web-breath, why don¡¯t you vaporize someone your own size, magically speaking!¡± Garth shouted at the top of his lungs.


    The spider turned to face him specifically, bringing him into the center of its field of view, until all eight bulbous eyes had an excellent view of him.


    A wizard. Came the cheery mom-voice. I haven¡¯t seen one of you in decades, barring that morsel I just ate. You wouldn¡¯t by any chance be willing to jump in my mind-mouth like the other one did, would you?¡±


    ¡°Nah, I¡¯m good,¡± Garth said, waving his hand dismissively.


    Shame.


    The towering spider flipped its abdomen up, and Garth jumped for his shallow satellite dish shaped cover.


    The beam of light followed Garth to his cover and burned through the bark surrounding the mirror-wood.


    For an instant, the spideress got a taste of her own medicine, the reflected light burning out an eye in the fraction of a second it took her to turn it off.


    A howl of rage sounded from the other side of the satellite.


    Detonate.


    The creature¡¯s lair caught fire as the firemoss self-ignited, and the screech of anger redoubled. The intense heat spread through the entire lair, ruining every inch of the spider¡¯s solar collector and rendering its beam useless.


    Or, it should have.


    A beam of white light bored through Garth¡¯s mirrorwood and took his right arm off at the shoulder, turning it to ash before he could feel pain. Garth lunged to the side before the rest of him was ashed.


    How the hell?


    Garth risked a quick glance out and saw the spider holding her legs wide behind her, with a sheet of light-collecting fabric held between them. Two other legs scratched her butt, detaching several eight-inch long hairs. Eight inch long hairs that would emit a terrifying amount of light and heat.


    Oh. That¡¯s not fair, Garth thought as she prepared to shoot another laser at him.


    Macronomicon


    Here you go!


    Summer''s been a bit of a drag, but I''m committed to putting these babies out with some frequency.


    Patreon is 44 ahead! (I''m so tired.)


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 140: Never Start a war of Attrition Against a lich

    Alicia¡¯s eyes fluttered open to explosions, and strange whooshing sounds. About four feet in front of her, one of her family¡¯s crown killer bolts was half buried in the dirt.


    Why am I on the ground? Alicia pushed herself up, lightheaded from whatever was running through her system. Right next to her were Caitlyn and Tad, slumped over and quietly snoring.


    The world around her was a mess. The desert shrubs were on fire all around them, filling the air with the smell of smoke, and parts of the earth had been glassed.


    What the hell?


    ¡°Ahahaha!¡± a maniacal laugh sounded in the distance.


    Alicia blinked and turned toward the source, but found her sight blocked by a rather large, squat tree that was partially on fire. She crawled around it, holding her shirt to her mouth to avoid inhaling too much smoke.


    In the distance, Edward ¨C or she thought it was him ¨C was covered from head to toe in the mirage-like webbing. In place of his right arm was some kind of branching tree with dark leaves and a knot that seemed to be trained on something.


    ¡°What, is this a first time you¡¯re getting a taste of your own medicine?¡±


    Alicia frowned and peered further around the edge of the trunk before pulling back hastily. It was a Wiretap that towered ten feet into the sky, fifteen feet wide. It made the ones they¡¯d fought look like babies. The creature was missing at least four of its eyes. Alicia had never thought that spiders could look mad, not having mammalian body language, but that spider looked pissed!


    I¡¯ll lay my eggs in your chest cavity, Wizard!


    A thunderous thought made Alicia¡¯s head ache.


    ¡°You were gonna do that anyway. Try to make it a bit more vindictive. Unfriend me on facebook, or sleep with my best friend, or something.¡±


    ¡°You sure you don¡¯t wanna shoot me again?¡± Edward said, waggling the strange tree fused to his arm. ¡°I¡¯m finally starting to get a hang of this. I mean, Lasers aren¡¯t my thing, but they are pretty effective.¡±


    Vindictive you say? It seems like one of your friends is awake. I totally forgot about them.


    ¡°Crap.¡± Edward muttered.


    ¡°Shit.¡± Alicia cursed, lunging forward.


    Alicia¡¯s feet came out from under her as the earth beneath her fell away at an astonishing pace, dropping her and the other two into a bowl of earth


    A fraction of a second later, a white light bored through the wood hiding them, sweeping across the area they had just been.


    Almost simultaneously there was a whistling of air as a large object sped through space, followed by a thud and a generous amount of cursing, both mental and physical.


    ¡°Eight legged piece of shit, I hear your taste like chicken roasted over a fire!¡±


    Your flimsy nature magic gives you a lot of unfounded confidence, little man, when you should be starting a farm to raise more humans for me to eat. It¡¯s what suits you.


    Alicia peeked her head over the lip of the bowl, her eyes widening.


    The spider was partially obstructed by gigantic, swift moving vines that she cut away with blasts of blinding light from her abdomen while trying to reach Edward.


    Edward, for his part, looked like a fly that had been hit by a flyswatter, his body was crushed against a large standing stone, five feet up in the air, tossed there by a giant¡¯s backhand. He was surrounded by a bloody splatter, his guts were hanging out, and his legs were hanging on by a thread.


    How can he sound so calm? He¡¯s obviously going to die. A flick of the Wiretap¡¯s abdomen turned toward her, and Alicia barely managed to get her head down in time to avoid losing it.


    The beam of light passed over her head, and Alicia decided not to risk raising it again.


    Although if he dies, I¡¯m definitely next. Damnit!


    Maybe she could run for it, but it was a bit of an understatement to call the creature¡¯s ranged attacks fast. One flick of it¡¯s abdomen and she¡¯d be a goner.


    Could I help him win? Alicia thought, searching the ground for something she could throw.


    ***Garth***


    Garth had forced the wiretap to stop laz-ing him, but he¡¯d underestimated the creature¡¯s sheer speed and strength, caught unaware as he tried to save Alicia et al.


    One bum¡¯s rush later, and he was barely managing to keep the thing from finishing the job, stalling with crowd control while his body stabilized. Nothing major was damaged, but his skin had split like a badly stitched soccer ball, and his guts were tugging on places they shouldn¡¯t be tugging on inside of him.


    It felt real weird.


    ¡°Yo.¡± Garth said, blowing Ms. Wiretap a kiss.


    Fusillade


    The wind turned his spores into a hundred arrow sized fireworks, streaking through the sky toward the massive creature.


    Ms. Wiretap threw up some of those damned hairs and used them to shoot a wide-angle laser, detonating all of the arrows before they had a chance to get to her.


    The light from the laser and the explosions filled up his laser-tree arm, and a tiny blue laser shot from the knot in the tree and made contact with another one of the gargantuan spider¡¯s eyes, searing it dead with an audible pop.


    ¡°Oh, shit, lost another one. You should probably stop hitting yourself.¡±


    A deafening shriek ripped at Garth¡¯s eardrums as Ms. Wiretap¡¯s struggles redoubled, tearing through his grasping vines at an uncomfortable rate. Oh, crap. Garth refocused all of his attention on the vines, but the spider began swimming through them, gaining feet per second.


    If you would just slow down for a second, I could launch some flares, see which one of us regenerates faster. I bet it¡¯s me. If Garth could give them both an overwhelming amount of light, he could make it into a battle of attrition. Laser-tree-hand is eager for more eyeballs to pop.


    Four more eyes to go.


    Unfortunately it was taking all of Garth¡¯s effort to slow it down. Twenty feet and counting.


    This has been a great stress-test for my body, Garth thought as the man-sized mandibles approached him. Definitely have some notes once I¡¯m in a safe place again. Garth¡¯s eyes had long since been burned away, leaving the Arcane Eye, and while the mirage silk tended to stretch and overlap a bit beyond their physical limits, there were large rents in the webbing he¡¯d covered himself with, creating gaps where his body was charred beyond recognition.


    Gotta get mobile and buy some time. Legs are unusable, so flying it is.


    Fly


    Garth peeled away from the rock and soared into the sky, leaving a man-sized splatter-mark behind him.


    The spider¡¯s abdomen convulsed, raising up its laser-turret-thing and pointing it at him.


    Garth transposed his arm-tree between the two of them, hoping to have it reflect a bit of the damage, maybe take out an eye while he got some distance between them.


    Instead of a laser, a stream of light-bending webs shot through the air, snarling around Garth and forcing him to drop like a stone.


    Oh, right, spider. Duh. Garth felt sheepish as the wind whistled through his ears.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna eat your heartstone and laugh, you overdesigned cocksucker!¡± Garth shouted in the instant before he hit the ground, swaddled in webs.


    Oh, I suck, all right. The creature projected its thoughts as it slammed down its enormous fangs on Garth¡¯s chest cavity, forcing the air out of his lungs.


    ¡°Uuuh.¡±


    It felt like a violation of the highest order, the enormous chitin spears sinking into his chest. As they were designed to do, his armored organs slid out of the way, but he could still feel the venom designed to digest him spreading through his body with a painful warmth.


    Ah, that¡¯s better. Nothing like a hard-earned meal, wouldn¡¯t you agree? Or are you dead already?


    Damnit. Garth pulled in mana from the surroundings, building it into a last-ditch spell as his thoughts turned sluggish. He just needed to slow the creature down long enough to get the shot off. And not miss.


    You Dodgy McDodgy bastard. The only shots Garth had been able to hit with had been literally moving at the speed of light.


    Still so much fight. The voice in Garth¡¯s mind had begun to resonate, filling up his mind, resting behind his hollow eyes and putting pressure on his ears. Somehow it was like his mind had been dialed in to her frequency and he couldn¡¯t shut her out.


    Now that my venom is inside you, let¡¯s see about what you¡¯ve got hiding in that little monkey brain of yours?


    Garth gasped, still working on his spell as his youngest memories began to flash in front of his eyes as the monster pored through them.


    I like to use every part of the buffalo. Especially one like you.


    ¡­.Oh my, it seems like you were born quite some time ago¡­ she dug backward, from the oldest memories forward.


    Oh, my. It seems like I¡¯ve bagged quite the celebrity, Garth Daniels. I guess you weren¡¯t as nasty as other people¡¯s memories made you out to be. Time does tend to distort the truth. Garth¡¯s mind filled with a low chuckle as she pored through his memories of ancient L.A.


    Ooh, almost made it, she said as she watched him get destroyed. but how did you¡­


    In a flicker, the spider accessed the details of his phylactery that granted him unlimited lives, his thousands of lethal swordfish and his rapidly expanding power base in the west.


    Umm¡­ the spider said, backing away from him slightly. How about we drop this here and call it a draw? She had realized that eating him here and now wouldn¡¯t solve her Garth problem. He¡¯d just come back later with the heavy artillery.


    ¡°Nah,¡± Garth said, ¡°I¡¯d rather eat you.¡±


    A flicker of reflected light from the  south was the only warning as Alicia jumped out of the bowl and hauled the heavy bolt forward, throwing it like an oversized dart with a grunt.


    The bolt managed to avoid the wiretap¡¯s notice, seeing as she was missing more than half of her eyes.


    It slammed into the spider¡¯s carapace, driving a hole through its face and the flesh beneath.


    The spider shrieked and scratched at its face with its forelegs.


    No time like the present, Garth thought, releasing the stored up energy beneath the massive Wiretap.


    For the second time in a row, the spider failed to dodge, and a huge spike of dark, poisonous wood shot out of the ground, lifting the house-sized spider off the ground and poisoning it as the tree grew up to thirty feet in the air, carrying the thrashing spider with it into the sky.


    ¡°Nothing like a hard-earned meal, amiright?¡± Garth said as the spider¡¯s struggles began to slow.


    Not fair, came the fading voice.


    ¡°Yeah well¡­I don¡¯t really care what you think.¡±


    Garth relaxed in his light bending cocoon that reminded him of a super intense sleeping bag. The whole thing was actually pretty comfortable once someone wasn¡¯t trying to kill you.


    Garth jerked out of the stupor, pretty sure his organs were currently turning into goop. Crap.


    Heal


    I need to get a blood transfusion or something. Maybe¡­


    Cleanse


    Garth lay there, repeating the two spells over and over until his body was capable of fending for itself. He had explored the bleeding edge of what his body could tolerate, even gone a bit beyond it, riding out the height of his poisoning with nothing but willpower and magical kidney dialysis.  The rest of Garth¡¯s body was covered with blackened scabs that would be very difficult to explain to Alicia and others, and they would take a week or two to go away on their own.


    Not a big fan of Wiretap hunting.


    ¡°Edward!¡± He heard Alicia shout as she approached him, once she was sure the Wiretap Queen ¨C or whatever she was ¨C was actually dead.


    That¡¯s what I forgot to do, we were supposed to exchange names and have a proper showdown. I¡¯ll do that next time. For now I gotta make this girl think I¡¯m as human as I possibly can.


    ¡°Hey, Al, you think you could cut me out of here?¡± Garth asked sweetly, his voice muffled by the webbing across his face.


    Alicia knelt down and patted his body to figure out where exactly he was: the silk made it difficult to see his form. Once she separated hit head from his feet, she cut the webbing away from his face with a blade.


    ¡°It really doesn¡¯t want to come off,¡± She said, trying to peel it away, barely exposing his mouth.


    ¡°Probably because it hasn¡¯t cured entirely yet.¡± Garth said. This could be a good thing. ¡°Tell you what, how about you wake the other two and they carry me back to camp?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, we shouldn¡¯t stay here any longer,¡± she said, looking around. There was still the occasional flash of light, but it¡¯d died down a lot since the big one had run everyone off.


    Probably better this way, Garth thought to himself. He could simply have himself shipped back to the Bergstroms and the mirage webbing would prevent anyone from seeing how horrifically wounded he was.


    In the meantime¡­ Garth zoomed his Arcane Eye up to the dead matriarch, and dissolved the tree supporting the curled up spider into ash, along with all evidence of plant magic.


    When the spider hit the ground, Garth pried open the gaping chest cavity telekinetically, poking around until he found the heartstone, tearing it out and nestling the fist-sized yellow stone deep inside his webbing.


    A second later the cavalry showed up.


    ¡°Holy shit, Ed, how are you still alive?¡± Tad asked, leaning over him. Garth¡¯s eyes weren¡¯t uncovered, so he shrugged.


    ¡°Just lucky I guess. Could you guys do me a huge favor and carry me back to camp?¡±


    ¡°Mother of god, it¡¯s Tulesta,¡± Tad said, gazing at the huge spider curled in on itself some twenty feet away. ¡°What happened?¡±


    ¡°I really don¡¯t know.¡± Garth said impatiently. ¡°Carnifax, maybe? In any case, I wanna be gone before whatever did it decides that I¡¯d make a good follow-up snack. I literally can¡¯t move right now.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, alright.¡± He glanced up. ¡°Cait, could you get his feet?¡±


    Tad tried to get Garth¡¯s head, but after almost dropping it when he nearly passed out from blood loss, Garth wound up being dragged back to camp through the rocky soil over Alicia¡¯s shoulder while Caitlyn kept Tad steady.


    Camp reminded Garth of a world war one treatment facility for victims of mustard gas. There were beds everywhere with moaning patients covered in blood-soaked gauze. Burns and bites and severed limbs abounded.


    I think the school did a pretty good job with this field trip.


    At the entrance of the camp, Tad¡¯s father was waiting for them, chewing something slowly as he watched them approach.


    ¡°Lose anyone?¡± he asked, looking Tad up and down.


    ¡°No sir,¡± Tad said, holding out the dog-sized lizard cocoon.


    Tad¡¯s grey-haired father looked the cocoon over a few times with a scowl before returning it to Tad.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t bring back as much as I was hoping for.¡± He scowled at the four of them, his eyes lingering on Garth swaddled up in webs with nothing but his lips showing. ¡°And you used your flares in front of outsiders. But¡­¡±


    ¡°Your team looks healthy, which is more than I can say for most of your brothers and sisters. If you have that much extra manpower at the end of the hunt, bring back more silk.¡±


    ¡°Yes sir.¡± Tad said, nodding.


    ¡°Get to the medical tent, boy. You¡¯re bleeding all over my armor.¡±


    ¡°Sir.¡± Tad nodded again, and the four of them continued through to the camp.


    ¡°Your dad¡¯s kind of a jerk.¡± Garth said once they were out of earshot.


    ¡°Can you expect him to be desperately worried about each and every one of his thirty four children and twelve younger brothers? He was fair.¡±


    ¡°I guess that¡¯s the best you can hope for with numbers like that.¡± Garth said, shrugging inside his cocoon.


    Macronomicon


    Sorry, time swept me off my feet, and I''d been gone nearly a week before I knew it!


    I probably should''ve released yesterday but I had the option of playing D&D for the first time in years, and wasn''t gonna say no to that. Wizard4life!

 Chapter 141: Wingman

    ¡°More treasure.¡± Garth said when he got back to his Phylactery, three days later. It had been an exercise in mind-numbing boredom, but he had managed to steal back into the valley once the sun was up and harvest a bit more spider silk from Tulesta¡¯s corpse.


    Garth slipped the oversized, silk-stuffed backpack off his shoulder and set it down against the stone wall of his lair, enjoying the fresh air of the indoor jungle.


    Lair. Never thought I¡¯d have a lair, Garth thought, detaching the sack of heartstones and conjuring a large wooden bowl for them.


    He took the fifty-pound sack of spider-stones and turned it upside down, filling the bowl with thousands of thumb sized yellow stones


    Yellow for senses, Garth thought as he began picking through them, searching for the ones with the best clarity. It made sense that a creature like that had a heavy focus on senses. Their sight was pretty damn good.


    Haul wasn¡¯t quite as rich as I thought it would be, though, Garth thought as he sorted them out by quality. Having them all be similar colors made it even faster to sort out which ones had good clarity and which ones were opaque, but Garth was having trouble finding the cream of the crop.


    In a sack this size there should be fifty or so nearly flawless heartstones, but I haven¡¯t found a single one.


    ¡°This is off,¡± Garth said, stretching his neck after an hour or so of picking through the stones had only gotten him a dozen ones that were good enough to eat immediately.


    The rest of the stones could live in the little nook by the tree until Garth had something to-


    He paused, staring at the gnarl of roots wrapped around the sack he¡¯d placed beside his phylactery just half a week ago. Garth felt his eyebrows raise on his forehead.


    Is that what I think that is?


    The roots wrapped around the bag were blackened, with odd lumps on them, gradually turning green as they led back to the main trunk.


    Garth dropped the bag and ran to the Garth-tree. Now that he was closer, he could see an odd dark smudge travelling up the side of the tree, and faint, sickly spots.


    I poisoned my fucking Phylactery! Garth shoved his hand through the brittle roots and tore the shredded bag of heartstones out, scattering them everywhere.


    The heartstones looked like jolly ranchers that someone had been sucking on for a few minutes, smaller, narrower than they had been before.


    Crap, crap, crap¡­ Garth didn¡¯t know the first thing about his phylactery: He¡¯d made it by accident! Needless to say he had no idea what to do when it got sick.


    Best thing to do might be to let it recover on its own. Charlie was a tough plant.


    Garth collected the half-absorbed heartstones, putting them in his pocket.


    Okay, so looking past the poisoning thing, this means that the tree can absorb heartstones. The question then is, what is it using them for?


    Garth¡¯s eyes were drawn upward, toward the fruits laden with Garths in the fetal position.


    Harder, better, faster, or stronger? Garth thought, standing and looking at the tree more closely. Or all of the above?


    I need diagnostic equipment. Garth knelt to look at the discoloration on the side of his tree and sighed. That¡¯s not good. Garth placed a hand on the bright green tree and cast Cleanse, keeping the spell running for a good fifteen minutes.


    The junk mana in an impure heartstone was unwilling to be absorbed gracefully into the body, floating through the system and trashing it like carginocens. I really hope my lifeline didn¡¯t just get magical cancer.


    If only there was a way to filter out the bad stuff¡­


    If my phylactery can do it, why not another plant? Trees fill their leaves with toxins and dump them at the end of the year, don¡¯t they? There¡¯s a framework for it.


    But how do I get them to let go of the good stuff?


    ¡°Question for another time,¡± Garth said, glancing at the wall where his Mythic cores rested. For now I need to know what that unplanned fertilizer did to my me-tree.


    Garth glanced at the strap of leather on his wrist. The one he was wearing wouldn¡¯t work, it was designed only to work with thinking humanoids, and only to report values to the person wearing it.


    What he needed was a tool that could read other creature¡¯s statuses, and that probably wasn¡¯t the sort of thing a civilian could get easily.


    Luckily I¡¯m not a civilian. Hmm¡­ who would be the most likely people to have something like that?


    Garth snapped his fingers. ¡°Law enforcement!¡±


    ********


    ¡°You want me to do what?¡± Paul asked, taking a sip of his coffee.


    ¡°I want you to steal the diagnostic equipment from the Police precinct.¡±


    ¡°The scanner?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that.¡±


    ¡°Any reason why?¡±


    ¡°Paul, you are a scary perceptive man, and I trust you with information about as far as I can throw you.¡±


    ¡°How far could you throw me?¡± Paul cocked a brow.


    ¡°Like, a couple hundred feet.¡± Garth flattened his hands on the caf¨¦¡¯s table. ¡°You know what? It¡¯s an old saying, from before people could throw each other very far.¡±


    Paul didn¡¯t say anything, just eyed Garth speculatively while downing the only source of caffeine on Earth.


    ¡°You know those things are huge, right?¡± he asked, taking the cup away from his face and handing it back to the serving wench, who gave Garth a smile and walked away with a fascinating sway to her hips.


    I wonder when she gets off, Garth thought, admiring how limber she was as she bent over to retrieve a plate full of empty drinks.


    When Garth looked back at Paul, he was watching him with a raised brow.


    ¡°It¡¯s been eight hundred years, and this body is technically a virgin, all right?¡± Garth said, crossing his arms.


    ¡°¡­Like I was saying, the Scanner is used to read the comprehensive status on reprobates without I.D., Wildlings, the occasional nonhuman drifters.¡±


    ¡°Sounds perfect.¡± Garth said, manifesting an endless sugar fountain from his fist like a magic trick. Technically is magic. ¡°That¡¯s exactly what I need.¡±


    With a bit of legerdemain, Garth¡¯s ice water was pale pink with a soft fizz to it. He threw the drink back and drank down every ounce of it before anyone else could see.


    ¡°God, I needed that. Good thing the FDA isn¡¯t around to keep me from putting weird shit in my energy drinks, am I right?¡±


    ¡°The Scanner is huge, there¡¯s only one, and it will be missed.¡±


    ¡°Damn.¡± Garth tapped his fingers on the glass, considering making himself another when he thought of something.


    ¡°All I really need is to see its guts. I could make a new one offsite.¡±


    ¡°Guess I could arrest you,¡± Paul said. ¡°But you¡¯re not exactly a nameless drifter or offworlder.¡±


    Garth glanced around and made sure no one else was looking before he used an illusion to change his appearance to that of a Thrask and tried to punch Paul in the face. Without missing a beat, the aging detective pushed the punch away and slammed Garth¡¯s face on the table.


    ¡°Oh, right now?¡± Paul said while Garth groaned. The commotion had startled the serving wench, and she was staring at the two of them from where she was hiding behind a booth.


    Paul glanced around and yawned.


    ¡°Yeah, I guess I got time.¡± He said, wrenching Garth¡¯s arms behind him and slapping cuffs on them.


    ¡°Those new recruits you wanted?¡± Paul whispered to him as he hauled him out the front of the diner.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± Garth felt the patter of blood on the front of his shirt as he was guided down the steps of the fancy coffee shop, but couldn¡¯t stop it without any hands.


    ¡°I got five of them on the hook. They¡¯ll be In Old L.A. by Friday.¡±


    ¡°Awesome,¡± Garth said, wiggling one of his front tusks with his tongue. ¡°I think you knocked my tusk loose.¡±


    Paul snorted and guided him to the police station, where he brought Garth into the Scanning room, a little dark office with a box for suspects to stand on while the machine read their status.


    The aging detective was his lookout while Garth opened up the machine¡¯s case and figured out what made it tick.


    The Scanner was a tall metal case with an odd lens at the front that reflected onto a mana sensitive plate. It was a lot more sophisticated machine than his status band and it kind of reminded him of an old camera. What is the lens even for?


    I wonder if it¡¯ll do what I want it to do?


    Garth took the nearby stool for very short suspects and summoned a potted plant on top of it. The plant would naturally accumulate in little potato-like grenades under the soil.


    Garth situated them directly in front of the Scanner, then went back to the operator side and flipped the switch.


    There was a silent explosion of mana bouncing off Garth¡¯s ¡®Tater ¡®Nades that stung Garth¡¯s eyes.


    ¡°Freakin¡¯ warn people,¡± he muttered, while the screen on the operator side of the machine populated


    ¡®Tater ¡®Nade


    Mutant Explosive Tuber


    No Status


    No Blessings


    -Strength- --


    -Endurance- --


    -Speed- --


    -Intelligence- --


    -Memory- --


    -Senses- --


    Full sun, water twice a week.


    Delay : 5 seconds


    Kill Radius: 25 meters


    Shrapnel: Incidental


    A rare Species of tuber that forms high explosives inside the root. When one is detached, a chain reaction will begin that detonate the explosive shortly afterward. The tubers themselves create uniform round green shapes, and are much harder on the outside than typical tubers. Some varieties employ shrapnel as well as concussive damage.


    First introducer on Sphere 892 by the phytomagus Corlia Saperadus, these ¡®Tater ¡®nades first achieved notoriety for their effectiveness at supplying the small rebel army, however, many thousands of years later, children still occasionally die to finding them in the wild and mistaking them for natural ¡®taters, causing their current infamy.


    ¡°Yeah, guess there¡¯s nothing new under the sun,¡± Garth grumbled. Pretty sure I¡¯m not the first person to invent anything. The machine worked well enough though. Garth carefully used telekinesis to disassemble the entire machine in a matter of minutes before reconstructing it, committing each piece to memory as he did.


    On the back of the last plate that held together the entire machine, Garth spotted the Mcdonnell family crest.


    Hm¡­ I am going to need tools. I should probably pay them a visit. Garth levitated the last plate onto the front of the machine and drilled all four bolts into it simultaneously, finishing his three-minute examination.


    ¡°Get what you needed?¡± Paul asked as Garth approached, glancing behind him to make sure the Scanner was still there.


    ¡°¡¯Course,¡± Garth said, dusting his hands before glancing over his shoulder at the ¡®¡¯Tater ¡®Nades.¡¯


    ¡°You¡¯re gonna wanna read what the Scanner has to say about that plant, and¡­¡± Garth winced. ¡°Don¡¯t keep it too close to your desk.¡±


    ¡°If you say so,¡± Paul said, Leading Garth back out to the street. I could probably make some improvements over the store bought version, Garth thought to himself, lost in his thoughts as he left the Precinct.


    ¡°Take care, Ed,¡± Paul said, waving him off and stepping back inside.


    Garth listened closely for the telltale sound of a grenade going off, but nothing.


    What was I hoping for, death and destruction?


    Garth shrugged and set off down the street. Well, that was work taken care of for the day, now to take it easy for the rest of the day.


    Where did Linda say people were hooking up nowadays? The Fighting Pits?


    Who do I know who could show me where the fighting pits are?


    Garth¡¯s feet stopped, and he glanced up at the evening sun. There was plenty of time left in the day, and he knew exactly who he needed as his wingman. Someone solid. Someone dependable. Someone his age. Someone male.


    ***Tad***


    Tad was laying on his recliner, reading a book as his scabs from the last expedition healed. Another day or two, and he¡¯d be good to send back out again.


    The very thought of going back out there to hunt Wiretaps again gave him a cold chill of dread.


    Being lightly wounded was practically a vacation, and Tad was milking every second he could out of it. No working out, just reading books and relaxing.


    Sara Conner, the hero of the story, was crawling through a massive vice powered by the Forge-Gods, while the tireless undead being crawled after her, still going despite being blasted down to a mere skeleton.


    Lyle was dead, and things were looking bleak.


    Then the vice began to close. It moved slowly at first squeezing in around the wounded woman. Eventually, she felt both sides of the vice pressing down, suffocating her like a silk cocoon. Wrapped up in their silk and baking to death¡­


    Tad slammed the book shut, and took a deep steadying breath, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Vices don¡¯t even have silk, you idiot.


    Tad wanted to open the book again. He wanted to¡­But what if I¡¯m actually dead, and all this is a fever dream before I die? Sometimes for no reason at all, Tad felt like he was going to open his eyes again, and he¡¯d be there, the spider looming over him, unable to move a muscle and knowing the end was coming.


    Read the book.


    What if it¡¯s the end of your story hiding in those pages? Don¡¯t walk into that.


    It¡¯s just a book. You are alive.


    Tad glanced back down at the book, his heartbeat skyrocketing again.


    ¡°Shit.¡± Tad watched his body as if from a distance as he opened the book and began reading again. You¡¯re really here in the couch. It¡¯s fine.


    ¡°TAD!¡± Edward¡¯s voice echoed through the courtyard, snapping Tad out of his anxiety.


    Tad stood and walked over to his window, opening it and glancing out into the hot air of the William¡¯s practice yard.


    ¡°What!?¡± he shouted back.


    Edward put his thumb and forefinger together then passed the index finger of his other hand through it in what was obviously a vulgar gesture.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go meet girls at the Fighting Pits!¡±


    What the hell is this kid thinking? I¡¯m not going anywhere.


    Tad was about to tell him to fuck off when he glanced over his shoulder and spotted his book on his recliner. Suddenly the room looked a lot smaller, pressing in around him.


    ¡°Give me a minute!¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 142: Downtime

    ***Alicia***


    Alicia was sitting in Maggie¡¯s sitting room, where her aunt was enjoying some afternoon tea, sunlight streaming in through the large windows and landing on her shoulder.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you warn me you were going to try to kill Edward?¡± Alicia paused for a moment. ¡°Actually why do you want to kill him at all? I thought you wanted the secret of magic.¡±


    Maggie heaved a sigh, gazing out into the brilliant green garden. ¡°The detective was right. The boy ¨C or whatever he is ¨C is too dangerous to let live. Every day he lives, he grows his roots, costing us money. I sent a few boys up to his Red Fern and they came back with broken legs. I lost eighteen professionals last week, and we don¡¯t have the resources to continue playing with him.¡±


    Maggie shrugged, her full breasts shifting in her dress as she did so.


    ¡°I decided to cut our losses in the most certain way possible.¡±


    ¡°Well it didn¡¯t work. I don¡¯t remember exactly what happened, but finding our crownkiller in the dirt was a dead giveaway that one of us tried to kill him.


    ¡°In the dirt? Kyle said he shot the boy in the heart. Interesting. Maybe that bolt would mean something to a Denton, but to the rest of the world, it means that the Prima Regula tried to kill him. The rebel group won¡¯t bother trying to deny attacking him, they¡¯ll simply finish the job.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯re sure about that?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°I¡¯ve made arrangements.¡± Maggie said with a smile before shifting in her chair. ¡°On another topic I think we can celebrate: your birthday is approaching!  A month from now we¡¯ll take you to the palace and get you your class. Have you decided what role you want to play, dear? Perhaps a demagogue like your aunt Maggie? I know how much trouble you have at public speaking. A class like that would clear things up right away.¡±


    ¡°Benedette is already good enough with her mouth. I was thinking something that would allow me to defend myself. Swiftblade, maybe.¡±


    ¡°Hm. A bit of an uninspired choice.¡±  Maggie shrugged, her mouth pursed in disdain as she reached down and grabbed a folded piece of paper out of her purse.


    ¡°Well, in any case, I got you this. Happy birthday.¡±


    Alicia took the paper from her aunt¡¯s hand, frowning.


    Is it some kind of deed to a property? Aunt Maggie doesn¡¯t send out well-wishes either¡­Maybe instructions for a job?


    As Alicia opened the paper, the reality turned out to be none of the above. In bright crimson ink with a pebbled texture was the number ¡®88¡¯.


    ¡°Eighty eight?¡± Alicia asked, glancing up at her aunt.


    Maggie¡¯s expression turned predatory.


    ¡°So, how far have you gotten extracting the secret of magic from the boy? He seems to favor you.¡±


    Alicia glanced back down at the odd piece of paper, and noticed on second glance the strange squirming of a small portion of the crimson numbers.


    Mana, turning a 33 into an 88. Damnit. It was a simple test to out my Mana Sight. Her aunt must have had it smuggled out of the local church.


    Alicia scowled, crumpling the paper up and tossing it aside. She didn¡¯t have anything to gain from continuing to lie to her aunt.


    ¡°He showed me how to get Mana Sight, but it¡¯s not something we can reproduce easily. An overdose on unpurified heartstones with high clarity and smooth, spherical shape. My heart stopped twice, apparently.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Maggie said, lacing her fingers together. ¡°And have you learned any magic?¡±


    ¡°He made some mana that was easier for me to manipulate, but I¡¯m still far from using it.¡± Now because her aunt was dead set on killing Edward, she may never get the opportunity to learn how to cast spells anything like what she¡¯d seen him doing.


    What on earth was that strange blue beam coming from his arm, and how in Kolath¡¯s name did he survive that fight? If Alicia could harness a fraction of that power, she¡¯d be the undisputed First Chair, and the Dentons might even marry into Royalty.


    Seeing Edward¡¯s maimed body splattered against the standing stone gave her the dread feeling that her aunt had engaged something beyond her ken.


    ¡°Is it possible to cancel the plan to kill Edward?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°If I were left without a teacher, it would take years before I could do the simplest spells.¡±


    ¡°Then take them.¡± Maggie said, her voice stern. ¡°He¡¯s been far too disruptive to let him live. The sheer attitude of that boy leaves me no choice.¡±


    Alicia glanced down at her aunt¡¯s breasts. ¡°Are you just sore that he pierced your nipples?¡± Cutting adamantium rings out couldn¡¯t have been comfortable, but I can¡¯t see Maggie tolerating something like that for an instant.


    Alicia watched her aunt¡¯s hand flash out with the strength of a noble, and didn¡¯t dodge, turning her cheekbone into the blow. Maggie had great strength, but her class ensured it was barely superhuman.


    It barely stang.


    ¡°Get everything you can out of him in the next week, Alicia, because he¡¯s not going to live much longer than that.¡±


    You really have a way of pissing people off, Edward.


    ***Garth***


    Garth took a huge, sticky bite out of his candied apple as they walked down the street. Unfortunately glass wasn¡¯t so common that they could grab some drinks and take them with them to the pits, so they had to settle for whatever was for sale there.


    I hope they have good cider.


    ¡°So, Tad.¡± Garth said, rummaging in his Status Band and pulling an adamantium bolt out. ¡°Do you know where these come from?¡±


    Tad glanced over and his eyes widened for a second and he coughed out a chunk of roast hare, before his eyes returned to their usual half lidded state and his voice went flat.


    ¡°Put that away.¡± He said, not looking directly at Garth and taking another bite of his skewer.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Possessing one is punishable by death.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± Garth put it back in the Status Band. Frigging thing only had two cubic feet of space. Couldn¡¯t store much more than a change of clothes in there, and it barely accommodated the solid lump of adamantium that¡¯d been shot into his chest.


    Tad didn¡¯t remember Garth getting shot by it due to a huge dose of rohypnol right around that point scrubbing his long term memory, so now he needed to give the guy a story he might believe.


    ¡°Ah, well, someone tried to shot me with it, but missed. I thought I¡¯d keep it, because that¡¯s a lot of money sitting there.¡±


    ¡°Not enough to die for, I¡¯m sure.¡±


    ¡°Eh.¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°I¡¯ve died for less.¡±


    Tad glanced at him with a raised brow.


    ¡°So why¡¯s it illegal to have one?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re used by the ¨C¡° Tad lowered his voice. ¡°Prima Regula, to assassinate royalty.¡±


    ¡°Oh, alright.¡± Guess I can ask them where it came from, then. I sincerely doubt it was Linda or whoever she is. Ask the baker for the first order of the day, huh?


    ¡°Well, forget about it, let¡¯s just focus on having a good time at the Pits.¡±


    ¡°As long as you don¡¯t start waving your adamantium rod around in public like an idiot.¡± Tad said as they turned the corner, the food vendors around them slowly morphing into souvenirs and wooden action figures.


    ¡°Nice one.¡± Garth chuckled as they approached the massive stone building that had young men and women streaming out of it non-stop.


    The entrance was an enormous looming arch holding up the two-story behemoth, looking like poured concrete. It was a squat building painted a reflective ivory. Garth spotted some sunlight leaking in from beyond the entrance, so he guessed it was at least partially open-roofed.


    There were signs that read:


    Competitors


    Spectators


    The competitors sign was on the left, where the entrance led downward at a gentle slope, and the spectator sign was on the right, where the stone ramp led upward, and a little sunlight from outside spilled through. That¡¯s where most of the young people were coming from.


    There was an aging woman in light clothes sitting behind a desk at the entrance who stopped Garth as he approached.


    ¡°Are you boys here to fight or spectate?¡±


    ¡°You take amateurs?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Sometimes boys want to settle a dispute on the sand, and we get to watch. Usually the winner walks out with the purse. Everyone wins.¡±


    ¡°How much is the purse?¡±  Garth asked.


    ¡°For someone like you?¡± She asked, looking him up and down. ¡°A hundred credits.¡±


    ¡°Huh. Somehow I feel undervalued. We¡¯re not here to blow your minds with our martial prowess though, we¡¯re here to ¨C ¡° Garth glanced over his shoulder and saw Tad some ten feet away, pale and staring at the gate.


    ¡°Be right back.¡±


    The old woman waved Garth off dismissively as he turned away, welcoming the next people in line, who paid her with experienced speed and walked up the ramp to the spectator level.


    Garth sidled up next to Tad, who was still staring at the entrance, his jaw hanging open and sweat beading on the side of his temple.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡±


    ¡°I just remembered, I¡¯ve still got to do some things at home. I can come back later.¡± The entire time Tad spoke, his eyes were glued to the entrance. His hands were clenched into fists and the vein on the side of his temple was beating double-time.


    It looked like nothing more than an anxiety attack.


    Garth followed his gaze to the gate, and didn¡¯t see anything.


    Clarion Call.


    ¡°What¡¯s really going on? Maybe I can help.¡± Garth laced his words with mana, making them more persuasive. Simply asking someone what was going on one time wouldn¡¯t typically cut to the heart of the matter, but Clarion Call forced them to seriously consider his words.


    ¡°I¡­ahh..¡± Tad finally glanced at him. ¡°I think I might be dead.¡±


    Garth blinked.


    ¡°Care to elaborate?¡± He took another bite of his candy apple.


    ¡°The Gate to the underworld¡­kinda looks like that. What if when I go through there, I find myself being judged by the gods, or worse yet, face to face with a wiretap¡¯s dead eyes as it sucks out my innards?¡±


    Garth considered Tad for a moment, tapping his candy apple stick with his fingers.


    ¡°Tad, you¡¯ve got a little PTSD. And that¡¯s okay.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s PeeTeeEsDee?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s like a wound to the mind that people who risk their lives tend to get.¡±


    ¡°A wound to the mind?¡±


    ¡°Yep,¡± Garth said, cleaning his fingers and tossing the stick aside. ¡°It usually takes about a year to mostly recover, I had a very mild case when I was in my early twenties after I nearly overdosed at a friend¡¯s party.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re fifteen.¡±


    ¡°Shut up. Point is, I did some research and homebrewed a few remedies. I assume this is spider related?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, rubbing his hands together. ¡°Two easy things that can help are exercise and sharing lots of surface area with someone who likes you. Both of those things help restabilize an overactive amygdala. Assuming we still have them.¡±


    ¡°So¡­¡± Tad asked glancing at Garth sideways.


    ¡°Plan¡¯s changed. Let¡¯s get in there and get you a girlfriend!¡±


    ¡°How is that plan different?¡± Tad asked.


    ¡°Eh,¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°Now we¡¯re more focused on you. It¡¯s a nice opportunity to forget about my problems for a day and focus on something easy.¡±


    ¡°Getting me a girlfriend is easy?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty fucking good at getting other people laid. A guy named Brian did me a solid and I later got photographic evidence of a foursome I was directly responsible for.¡±


    ¡°Oh, how did you do it?¡±


    ¡°Less questions, more going through that door. That¡¯s step one.¡± Garth pointed at the arch leading into the Pits.


    ¡°Umm¡­¡±


    ¡°Alright, I have an idea.¡± Garth knelt down. ¡°If you ride me in there, maybe it¡¯ll be easier on you mentally. You can steer me with my ears. Whaddya think?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think so, Ed.¡± Tad said, shaking his head.


    ¡°Hmm¡­sorry.¡±


    Garth picked Tad up and threw him thirty feet, landing him through the entrance and halfway up the ramp leading to the second story.


    ¡°Two please,¡± Garth said, handing the bemused gatekeeper a hundred credit coin. ¡°Keep the change.¡±


    ¡°Agh,¡± Tad sputtered as he stood up, spitting out ramp-dust. Garth caught him by his shirt and dragged him into the second story of the fighting pits.


    ¡°So, feel dead?¡± Garth asked, glancing up at the blue sky above them.


    The Fighting pits were an interesting invention, kind of a cross between an open-air mall and a colosseum. The second floor wound around several smaller pits where one-on one and small group amateur fights happened. Outside the walkways and benches surrounding the pits were vendors selling every manner of refreshment in skimpy outfits.


    ¡°No, I feel like you tossed me.¡± Tad said, brushing the dust off his arms.


    ¡°You¡¯re tough. You can take it.¡±


    Tad turned toward a vendor, a large breasted woman in a low cut shirt handing out refreshments in echange for cold hard cash.


    ¡°Beer.¡± Tad said, putting a coin down.


    ¡°Lemonade.¡± Garth said, following suit.


    Their money was swiftly replaced with a stein of beer and a cold lemonade.


    Garth snatched the beer out of Tad¡¯s hand and shoved the lemonade into it.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got PTSD. No beer for you.¡± Plus you¡¯re a teenager.


    Garth could swear he heard Tad growling as he downed the teen¡¯s drink.


    The two of them idled through the crowds that were teeming with people their age, drifting along with the rest of the crowd and eventually finding their way to the largest pit, a good two hundred feet across, where two teams of twenty were beating the shit out of each other with dulled swords, trying to push each other into their end zones.


    It was kind of like Football crossed with Sumo Wrestling.


    ¡°They don¡¯t kill each other?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Why would they?¡± Tad asked, sipping his lemonade. ¡°Why would anyone fight to the death on a daily basis?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t they have owners who force them to fight to the death?¡±


    ¡°Sure, rarely, but people aren¡¯t cheap and having a slave die in a single match is kind of a bad investment, don¡¯t you think?¡± Tad grimaced, looking down at the team battles. ¡°Generally their job is safer than mine.¡±


    ¡°No shit.¡± Garth watched the red team push the green team into the end zone while the teens around him cheered.


    Once the green team was defeated, a whistle sounded, and the two teams limped off the field, some sporting bruises and sprained limbs, but generally alive.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s get around to getting you a girlfriend. What¡¯s your type? And please don¡¯t say crazy. We¡¯re looking for mental stability here.¡±


    ¡°Brown hair, dark skin. Kind.¡± Tad said, his voice quiet.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth scanned the crowd and spotted a girl with three friends chatting as the cleaners scraped the clumped up blood out of the sand between matches.


    She had dark skin and long brown hair. She had a slender frame and wore a red blouse over her modest breasts.


    ¡°How about her?¡± Garth asked, pointing before glancing back at Tad.


    Tad was busily avoiding eye contact and shuffling away from him.


    ¡°What the hell,¡± Garth demanded, dragging Tad back. ¡°All right, let¡¯s go talk to that girl. If that doesn¡¯t pan out, we¡¯ll talk to another, and another, until you have a girlfriend.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­I¡­can¡¯t do that.¡± Tad said, shaking his head.


    Garth sighed internally.


    ¡°Let¡¯s put it this way: Which is worse, a girl you don¡¯t know laughing at you or getting eaten by giant spiders?¡±


    ¡°¡­Probably the girl laughing at me.¡± Tad said.


    ¡°Are you serious!?¡± Garth demanded. ¡°Stop, take a deep breath and rethink on my question, or I will end you.¡±


    Tad hesitated. ¡°Probably the spiders.¡±


    ¡°Right, and you face that on a regular basis. This should be easy.¡±


    ¡°These are two different things.¡±


    ¡°I thought you didn¡¯t want to die a virgin?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t, it¡¯s just¡­¡± Tad held his hands up, gesturing toward the small knot of girls. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    ¡°Getting a date on a cold open is a numbers game. You just talk to girl after girl until one of them decides to give you a chance. I saw a guy get turned down like twenty times on a streetcorner. He got a date in ten minutes.¡±


    ¡°Is that how you do it?¡± Tad asked, his eyes wide.


    ¡°Hell no. I pick one girl and stick with her.¡±


    ¡°Then why are you trying to make me do something you don¡¯t do!?¡±


    ¡°Cuz it¡¯s fun.¡± Garth gave him a grin, and Tad buried his face in his hands.


    ¡°Oh gods.¡±


    ¡°All right, you are going to go over and talk to that girl, or I will get upset.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t even know what to say.¡±


    ¡°Me neither, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll figure it out after you get laughed at a couple dozen times. Maybe lead with ¡®Hi, I¡¯m Tad Williams and I fight giant spiders for a living.¡¯¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re really going to make me do this?¡± Tad said.


    ¡°Nope. You can totally puss out if you want. Give your first time to a wiretap, I guess.¡±


    ¡°Gah.¡±


    ¡°Just keep in mind girls are people too, not some strange alien creature. They generally like boys too. She¡¯s not gonna hurt you¡­physically.¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡± Tad said before marching stiffly toward the small group of girls.


    Once Tad was gone, Garth noticed the crowd around them growing more agitated by the second, staring down into the arena.


    ¡°Ladies and gentlemeeen!¡± Came a loud voice as a fat man walked out of one of the four entrances. The man had some kind of microphone with a gemstone studded in the center. A Mcdonnell invention?


    A kernel of an idea was forming in Garth¡¯s mind.


    ¡°Welcome to the main event! The fight you¡¯ve all been waiting for!¡±


    ¡°From the north, raised by bears, with no concept of mercy, five hundred pounds of skull crushing muscle! He¡¯s been undefeated in the last five years¡­The Savage!¡±


    At his gesture, a nearly seven foot tall man strutted out of the entrance, wearing a bear skin over his shoulders.


    He stepped into the center of the arena and tore the bear skin off his shoulders, revealing a heavily muscled frame, spinning and holding his hands up.


    Once the cheering died down, the announcer introduced the next fighter.


    ¡°From the South, a fighter who honed his skills for years chewing up the competition. He lost a close match a year ago to The Savage, and this contender has been itching for payback. It¡¯s Bloodstoooorm!¡±


    The crowd went wild again as another man, slightly smaller, but significantly more well defined, walked into the center of the arena and snatched the microphone out of the announcer¡¯s hand.


    ¡°Savage, you got lucky last year, and when I¡¯m done with you this time, you¡¯re going to be nothing but a stain on the sand.¡±


    Garth sighed and put his elbow on the railing. It made sense, fighting and drama? There was a reason why wrestling was so popular despite being so blatantly fake. Although the snatching the mic part gives me an idea.


    Garth watched them posture for a moment longer before Tad returned, looking a bit shaken.


    ¡°How¡¯d it go?¡±


    ¡°She laughed me off.¡± Tad said with a shrug.


    ¡°How do you feel?¡±


    ¡°Honestly¡­It wasn¡¯t that bad.¡± He shrugged. ¡°You were right. It¡¯s nowhere near as bad as going into a live web.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you think so, because this next part¡¯s gonna be really embarrassing for you.¡±


    Garth grabbed Tad¡¯s wrist and jumped into the arena, snatching the mic from the announcer who had been about to leave the ring.


    ¡°And making their first appearance tonight. From the East,¡± Garth stage shouted into the mic. ¡°Your great, great, granddaddy, the man with the plan, The Ancient Criminal! And with him, spider hunter extraordinaire, death defying hardass, Motherfuckin¡¯ Bigdick Tad Willllliiiiams!¡±


    ¡°Ed, what the fuck!?¡± Tad shouted as Garth raised his arm.


    ***


    ¡°He looks pretty spry for getting a bolt to the heart.¡± Benedette muttered as she watched the show take a turn for the bizarre. Her date didn¡¯t hear her over the screaming. She glanced over at her contact, a third of the way around the edge of the arena, a thin old woman with pure white hair. Something about the scene gave her pause.


    Benedette¡¯s contact in the Prima Regula was wholeheartedly grinning as Edward launched into a speech about Tad¡¯s cock and how amazing it was. She¡¯d never seen the woman smile. Ever.


    They¡¯d already exchanged status bands and confirmed the contents, so there was no need to hang around any longer, but the woman who¡¯d never cast an eye toward the fights before seemed to be¡­nostalgic?


    Macronomicon


    Patrons generally enjoyed these two chapters. Here''s hoping you guys do too.


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 143: Wrestling’s fake

    ¡°And that is why, ladies, if you value your life, sanity and the ability to tighten your kegel muscles ever again, you should never be in the same room as Bigdick Tad.¡±


    Garth spoke intimately into the microphone, spinning to take in the entire screaming crowd.


    ¡°What the hell are you doing?¡± Tad demanded a few steps away.


    ¡°I¡¯m having fun. Incidentally, you¡¯re probably gonna get laid.¡±


    ¡°You just told them not to have sex with me!¡±


    ¡°I warned them against doing it. To a teen, that¡¯s practically an imperative.¡±


    Garth winked.


    Garth heard clanging off to the side and saw security trying to get through the gate. Unfortunately something was keeping it closed. Weird.


    Garth spotted The Savage tromping toward them with murder written all over his face. God, this is an excellent vacation. Almost as fun as an orgy¡­almost.


    Garth turned to Tad and spoke, ¡°Tad, I need you to take a deep breath, contemplate how fucking low the stakes are here, and let loose.¡±


    Tad closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, then nodded, exhaling.


    ¡°Excellent.¡± Garth tossed him the microphone, then turned toward The Savage and met him halfway.


    ¡°The Ancient Criminal is pure malicious intent, a fucking hodgepodge of every evil man has ever conceived!¡± Tad began to shout into the microphone, gesticulating wildly.


    Garth stepped forward until he was face-to-face with The Savage. Or as close as he could be with the man looming over a foot taller than him.


    ¡°Pretty stupid idea, kid,¡± The Savage rumbled, staring down at him.


    ¡°Nah, I got the situation under control.¡± Garth said. ¡°I was thinking we put up a little fight, you sell us a little before beating us, then you get back to your match.¡± Garth revealed a lump of gold from his sleeve, out of sight of the rest of the crowd. ¡°How much do you want to make that happen?¡±


    The Savage shrugged and glanced up into the audience. Garth followed his gaze to a richly dressed older woman. The wrestler gave her an odd hand signal, and his patron frowned and shook her head.


    ¡°Looks like the powers that be want me to put you out of your misery quick and get to the real fight.¡±


    ¡°Improv, man! Did no one ever teach you-¡° A huge fist interrupted Garth¡¯s question.


    Garth flew backwards, tumbling twenty feet through the sand as the blow sent him flying, all the way back to Tad. Careful use of Fly turned his wild tumble into a backflip and Garth set himself down right beside Tad.


    ¡°Tad, he didn¡¯t take a bribe, and side note: I think these men use heartstones,¡± Garth said as the enormous muscle-man¡¯s jaw dropped at Garth¡¯s recovery.


    ¡°No shit. Their sponsors want them to win.¡±


    Garth glanced at Tad. ¡°So these guys are stronger than you?¡±


    ¡°Us, they¡¯re stronger than us.¡± Tad corrected him.


    ¡°eeehhh,¡± Garth waggled his fingers. ¡°Duck.¡±


    Tad¡¯s eyes widened and he dropped out of the way of a feral punch by BloodStorm before rolling to the side and springing up.


    ¡°How about you take that one. Mic.¡± Tad tossed Garth the microphone, and Garth began commenting on the fight.


    ¡°Bigdick Tad is getting pushed around the arena, just barely staying clear of Bloodstorm¡¯s experienced, precise punches and kicks. His legendary third leg technique is of no help while his pants are still on. God help Bloodstorm if he decided to take them off.¡±


    Garth covered the microphone and chuckled to himself a moment before the hulking brute arrived again, lunging forward in the sand, aiming for a tackle.


    ¡°The Savage catches The Ancient Criminal in a vicious tackle, leveraging his tremendous size to overwhelm the smaller competitor. Now it¡­it looks like he¡¯s going for a suplex!¡± Garth shouted into the microphone as he rose up into the air, the bigger man throwing him backwards and slamming him into the ground.


    ¡°Shut up!¡±


    The wrestler flipped over and jumped on top of Garth, raising one ham-sized fist up and bringing it down on Garth¡¯s face. Garth just barely managed to keep the microphone out of range of the man¡¯s repeated punches that drove his skull into the sand until it met something hard.


    ¡°Looks like The Savage is trying his best to put his opponent in the ground, literally, but he¡¯s just too weak to overcome pure evil. How¡¯s your hand there, hoss?¡±


    Once Garth¡¯s skull hit the concrete beneath the stadium, the superhuman man was punching something with a little less give than he was used to. It didn¡¯t seem like he broke anything, but he was wincing as he flexed his knuckles.


    Garth had a nosebleed.


    ¡°Let¡¯s take this opportunity to check the situation with Bigdick Tad and Bloodstorm.¡± Garth said, using legwork and a bit of Fly to slide out from under The Savage, trying not to headbutt the man¡¯s crotch as he went.


    Garth spun and leaped on top of his opponent, tracking Tad¡¯s fight as he did. Garth hooked his mic arm around The Savage¡¯s neck and put the microphone beside the man¡¯s ear, continuing his narration.


    ¡°The Ancient criminal puts The savage in a chokehold!¡± he leaned over and whispered in The big man¡¯s other ear.


    ¡°Can you breath okay?¡±


    The savage nodded.


    ¡°Cool, shake me off in about five seconds.¡±


    The Savage nodded and began to faux struggle while Garth commented on Tad.


    ¡°Bigdick Tad is pushed all the way to the edge of the arena, for some reason acting like his dick isn¡¯t as big as ¨C ¡°


    Tad jumped as Bloodstorm lunged toward him, braced his shoulders against the concrete wall of the arena, and caught Bloodstorm in the face with both feet.


    The arena wall suffered some minor cosmetic damage as the paint cracked in the wall, and Bloodstorm shot back like he¡¯d been hit by a car, flinging up sand as he slid to a halt, shaking his head and wobbling on his feet.


    ¡°Damn, Bigdick Tad lured Bloodstorm into a trap! I take it back, he truly lives up to his name! And now Bigdick Tad is pressing his advantage, mercilessly aiming blow after blow at Bloodstorm¡¯s head, trying to keep his opponent from regaining his senses!¡±


    Kid¡¯s got good fighting instincts, Garth thought before he felt mounting pressure on his arm.


    ¡°What¡¯s this, the Savage is mustering his herculean strength to tear The Ancient Criminal¡¯s hold wide open! Does anyone have a better name? five syllables is too MUUUCH!¡±


    Garth¡¯s commenting turned to a shout as his opponent flung him over his shoulder and slammed him into the arena floor.


    ¡°How about the sandbag!¡± Garth heard a shout from the stands.


    ¡°Ref, the Ancient Criminal needs both hands. Hold this.¡± Garth said, tossing the mic to the referee, who almost fumbled it.


    Garth snaked his hand around the big man¡¯s wrist, almost unable to hold it on account of his size. He used both hands to drag the man forward, placing both legs on the man¡¯s chest and pushing with everything he had.


    The Savage went flying into the air, sailing up some twenty feet in the sky, eye level with the spectators, his limbs flailing as he tried to find purchase in midair. He looked like he was trying to swim in his onesie.


    Garth put his feet under him and jumped up, grabbing the man¡¯s uniform and turning him to face away, prison rape style. Garth put his right knee in the small of the man¡¯s back and turned him to face downward.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take most of the impact with my left leg.¡± Garth whispered to him as they started falling. ¡°You do the same with your arms and legs.¡±


    His opponent nodded, and the two of them screamed downward. Garth arrested his fall with his opposite leg, sending a massive amount of torque through his left leg while The Savage slammed his arms and legs downward to mitigate the fall.


    Garth¡¯s knee lightly made contact with the huge man¡¯s spine, and his opponent sold it, writhing in pain and holding his back while Garth stretched out and healed the damage to his opposite leg.


    ¡°The Ancient criminal has performed some kind of aerial spine-breaking maneuver on The Savage!¡± The announcer shouted, getting into it now. ¡°I don¡¯t know if he can recover!¡±


    Garth glanced over and spotted Tad with Bloodstorm¡¯s Blood covering his fists, redfaced and panting. Tad was covered in scrapes and bruises, and he was developing a hell of a black eye, but he was the one standing in the end. The bigger, more experienced, and lauded man was moaning weakly in the sand of the arena.


    Huh. Guess I should have told him wrestling is fake. Poor Bloodstorm. Well, the guy didn¡¯t look like he was taking it easy on Tad either.


    Garth tore off his shirt and raised his hands, circling around his opponent while pantomiming a few vindictive stomps to the man¡¯s face to keep the crowd interested.


    On the last stomp, Garth¡¯s opponent grabbed his leg and slammed him into the dirt.


    ¡°how¡¯s your back?¡± Garth whispered.


    ¡°Fine, thanks. Spine breaker?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to snap you like firewood, you little punk!¡± the big man shouted for the crowd¡¯s benefit.


    ¡°It looks like The Savage can keep fighting, and he¡¯s lifting the Ancient Criminal above his head¡­is he..He is! He¡¯s going to break his spine over his knee in a stunning turnaround!¡±


    Garth was lifted over his opponent¡¯s head, thrashing wildly for the crowd, before he was drain downward, landing with the small of his back against the man¡¯s knee.


    That¡¯s a tricky one. Garth tried to absorb all the damage he could with his hands and feet, but still, an incredible amount of force slammed into his spine.


    Garth sold it, rolling off the man¡¯s knee and screaming, clutching his own spine. A few seconds later, the savage pulled him up into a headlock.


    ¡°That felt like you were being just a little vindictive there,¡± Garth muttered.


    ¡°Thought you could take it.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s my friend doing?¡±


    The Savage jerked Garth¡¯s head to face Tad, who was now shirtless, showing off his spectacular array of scars. The teen currently had Bloodstorm in an arm-bar that was threatening to end the man¡¯s career.


    ¡°You should tell your friend to take it easy, or I won¡¯t have anyone to fight next year.¡± The Savage said.


    ¡°Toss me over there.¡±


    ¡°Happily.¡± The huge man shook Garth like a ragdoll before throwing him straight at Tad, where Garth slammed into him and knocked him off his opponent.


    ¡°Hey Tad,¡± Garth said to Tad, who was buried in the sand beneath him.


    ¡°Ed, what the hell are we doing here?¡±


    ¡°Getting you a girlfriend, obviously. The Savage is gonna fake choke us out, then throw us back into the stands, right, Savage?¡±


    ¡°Sounds good to me,¡± the seven-foot tall man said, rolling his shoulders. ¡°It¡¯s been fun kids.¡±


    The huge wrestler grabbed the two of them while Bloodstorm recovered from Tad¡¯s thrashing.


    His hands were big enough to wrap around their throats, and he growled ferociously as he held them up by their necks, holding them delicately to avoid cutting off their air for real.


    Tad followed Garth¡¯s example and struggled for a while before going limp.


    ¡°The savage has seized Bigdick Tad and his teammate while the two of them were disoriented, and he¡¯s now strangling them, holding them at arm¡¯s length in an incredible feat of strength!¡±


    ¡°The savage is just too big to return fire, and the two competitors can¡¯t do anything about it!¡±


    ¡°I could break his elbow,¡± Tad muttered with his eyes closed.


    ¡°Shut up, you¡¯re supposed to be passing out,¡± Garth said with his jaw clenched.


    ¡°Bite me.¡±


    ¡°Raaah!¡± The Savage roared and swung one arm, then the other, sending the two of them sailing over the bannister and into the crowd.


    Garth and Tad impacted against the hard concrete of the floor and rolled to a halt as the teeming throng melted out of the way. Garth surreptitiously reached out and cast Heal on Tad as he lay there less than a foot away, groaning. The Savage has pretty good aim.


    A hand entered Garth¡¯s peripheral vision, and he took his, hauling himself to his feet.


    ¡°Thanks, Linda.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve always been bad at keeping a low profile.¡± The white haired leader of the Prima Regula said with a wry smile.


    ¡°Just getting my friend here a date,¡± Garth said, pointing a thumb at Tad, who was being surrounded by excited spectators, more than half of them young women.


    Where¡¯s my crowd of people? Garth thought as he glanced over. He and Linda had an odd radius of free space around them, as if people were actively avoiding them.


    ¡°Spell?¡±


    ¡°convenient for crowds.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth grunted. ¡°It¡¯s handy meeting you here, because I wanted to ask you about something.¡±


    ¡°I wanted to ask you something too,¡± she said.


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°How would you like to desecrate a church dedicated to worshipping your brother?¡±


    Garth narrowed his eyes and shook his head. ¡°You gotta tell me who you are.¡±


    ¡°I thought it would be more fun if you found out on your own.¡±


    Garth considered for a moment. ¡°Alright, I would love to shit all over a Jim-church, but only if you answer my other question, and buy me a pitcher of cider. With honey.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s talk.¡± Linda said, motioning for him to follow her.


    ¡°Ed! Where are you going!?¡± Tad shouted after him, multiple delicate hands exploring the scars covering his body.


    ¡°I gotta go take care of some business!¡± Garth shouted over the throng of people. He gave Tad a thumb¡¯s up. ¡°I¡¯m sure you can handle yourself while I¡¯m gone. Have fun, use protection, and pace yourself! Remember, exercise and physical contact!¡±


    Garth turned away and followed the rebel leader into the dark corridor.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 144: Von Neumann Probing

    There are at least seven defining characteristics of life, and growth and reproduction are two of them. If I got the blessing of another god who matched some of the remaining ones, would I get that much better at creating self-replicating life?


    Swordfish was basically Garth¡¯s Magnum Opus from before he died, a self-renewing endless supply of air-to-ground missiles.


    I bet if I did, I could make some pretty amazing shit¡­


    Theoretically he could make creatures that produced heartstones, but that would mean he¡¯d have to make sentient life with no purpose other than to accumulate energy and die for him.


    Every time he used Create Life, it always worked best when he put passion into it.


    There was simply no way he could be emotionally invested in something he¡¯d created only to suffer, so the premise was flawed. It was basically like asking him to raise a puppy for six months and then strangle it.


    But I could make some kind of underground system that traps, processes, and filters heartstones, and delivers the good stuff to me in a sludge.


    But I¡¯d have to worry about it eating people, pets and livestock. The biggest problem with designing stuff to work on its own is not knowing when a five year old is getting eaten by your venus flytrap.


    Magical Von Neumann Probe.


    Garth tapped his fingers on his knees, when a thought came to him.


    What if it only hunted goblins?


    A self-replicating strain of hunter-killers keyed to specific creatures, with a bit of psychic ability, a hive-mind or some other kind of ability to scan each other for mutations in their prey preference. If they find mutations in the replication of other hunter killers, they destroy them.


    Package that together with a method of controlling them, also self-regulated, and Garth had the makings of something interesting.


    We¡¯ll start small, do a bunch of trial runs with only goblins, but eventually it could be good enough to move up to much more delicate issues like wandering monsters, rabid animals, serial killers, and elves.


    Garth considered for a moment. Okay, fine, I won¡¯t launch a genocide.


    It made Garth wonder. There was no way he was the first phytolich in all of the 2859 layers of the sphere to think of self-replicating hunter-killers to control wild monster populations. He should have seen some, either on Earth or the places he¡¯d visited.


    Garth could only think of two reasons why that was the case:


    Garth¡¯s jaw dropped, and the hair stood up on his neck and arms.


    ¡­


    ¡­..


    What if the goblins are the hunter-killers? They¡¯re aggressive, Check. They reproduce quickly, check. They serve a valuable function in population suppression in conquered worlds, check.


    So maybe the things he¡¯d been seeing all along and taking for granted were some ancient magus¡¯s brainchild.


    It made sense. Goblins were highly adaptable, small, strong for their size, required no upkeep, and cared for themselves.


    When designing a self-replicating probe, efficiency was key, so the goblins were quite the achievement in that regard.


    Without the assistance of magic, the Swordfish had a rather long gestation time of five years, and they needed a controller, whereas goblins were self-sustained, self-directed, and only took a month per batch.


    Perhaps Garth could piggyback on that efficiency and create a T-1000 Goblin hunter-killer, that looked, smelled, and acted like a goblin until it followed some back to their lair, at which point it would massacre them and shove their heartstones through a portal in its stomach, that would deactivate upon death, along with a suicide switch in case it got caught by a rival mage.


    Guess I¡¯ll have to figure out if monsters really are engineered species. It¡¯d be tough to separate them from regular living creatures, since without a prime directive, or access code, that¡¯s all they really are.


    Access code.


    If self-replicating engineered life-forms exist out there, some mages would probably put backdoors that would allow them to be controlled, while others would just fit their creations with a predilection for one specific behavior.


    Perhaps I could make a plant that tries to broadcast psychic frequencies and codes at a high speed until it found the backdoor, then transfer that information to me. like brute forcing a password.


    Magic is fun.


    ¡°What are you thinking about?¡± Linda said, waving her hand in front of Garth¡¯s face to grab his attention, bringing him back to their conversation in the isolated booth at the back of the rowdy bar.


    Men¡¯s shouts, beer splashes and the occasional squeal covered the sound of their conversation, and someone would have to be standing right beside their table and staring at them to have a good view of it.


    Just to make sure, Garth waved his hand through the air beside them to double check.


    Always expect invisibility.


    ¡°Thinkin¡¯ ¡®bout life.¡± Garth said as he pulled himself out of the rabbit hole of his burgeoning intellect and refocused on the old woman and pitcher of cider in front of him.


    ¡°So you want me to waltz into the church. The church, which is home to the only branch of people in Santo Descanso capable of detecting magic, who are so lazy they haven¡¯t pulled their heads out of Jim¡¯s ass long enough to take notice of all the strange occurances going on.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯ve noticed,¡± Linda said. ¡°They¡¯ve just been looking for me, and not you.¡±


    ¡°And you want me to go in there, and kick the hornet¡¯s nest by smashing one of their most precious idols, an orb given to the city some six hundred years ago by Cuntbag Jim himself, which is spawning self-replicating curses ¨C which are not technically alive, by the way ¨C so that you can be queen of Earth again?¡±


    ¡°Pretty much,¡± she said, sipping her drink.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you do this again?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°It repels me. The orb is a strong enchantment that keeps me from getting close. The spell is reinforced by collecting the passive mental energy of the people it¡¯s cursed. In order to destroy it, I¡¯d have to nuke the city from orbit.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s the only way to be sure,¡± Garth said with a shrug.


    ¡°Hah.¡±


    ¡°So why me, specifically? I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve got plenty of goons who could do it for you.¡±


    ¡°I need a royal.¡±


    Garth blinked.


    ¡°Whaddya mean?¡±


    ¡°The spell holding the curse together is a real piece of work. Only someone with Jim¡¯s blood can get close enough to destroy it.¡±


    ¡°You think being his brother counts.¡±


    ¡°It might.¡± Linda ran a hand through her hair and itched a scar along her scalp. ¡°It¡¯s been eight hundred years, but finding one of Jim¡¯s progeny that hasn¡¯t been brainwashed is like finding a needle in a haystack.¡±


    ¡°Brainwashed?¡± Garth asked, thinking of Gloria, the Highly Motivated To Assist.


    ¡°There¡¯s a place in the church where every child is taken on their sixth birthday to be tested for Jim¡¯s blood. If they have even a drop, they¡¯re carted off to join his army and be indoctrinated for the next fifteen years.¡±


    Linda took a deep breath. ¡°They say it¡¯s to protect the country, and to have them raised to match the divine potential in their blood.¡± She spat on the wooden floor of the tavern. ¡°But it¡¯s just to keep control over who has access to the royal blood, seeing as so many things in their empire are keyed to it. case in point.¡±


    ¡°So you want me to try my hand at smashing the orb because I¡¯m the only one you could find, huh? I hate to tell you this, but there¡¯s a good chance I don¡¯t have ¡®royal blood¡¯. I¡¯m not Jim¡¯s kid, and this isn¡¯t even my original body.¡±


    Linda looked him up and down. ¡°You don¡¯t say. In any case, I¡¯m willing to pay you to make the attempt, and if you actually steal it, I¡¯ll pay you even more.¡±


    Garth shifted in his seat.


    ¡°What kind of payment are we talking here?¡± he could basically make his own money at any point in time, so whatever she had to offer probably wasn¡¯t going to be worth it.


    Linda reached into the pocket of her vest and pulled out Sandi¡¯s seashell necklace, the mother-of-pearl as pristine as the day it was infused with Sanatite. She laid the token on the table and met Garth¡¯s eye.


    ¡°Where did you get that?¡± Garth demanded.


    ¡°Sandi, obviously.¡±


    ¡°Do you know how she died?¡±


    ¡°She got caught fighting against the Dan Ui clan and was executed, about forty years after you died. Jim passed the sentence.¡±


    Anger and icy hopelessness writhed through Garth¡¯s stomach. Maybe it would have been better not knowing.


    ¡°Fine, I¡¯ll try. Dick move.¡± Garth snatched up the necklace and looped it over his head before she could take it back.


    ¡°And if you succeed, this.¡± She pulled out a notebook bound in poorly cured leather. The title was stitched into the cover, drab brown thread forming strange characters.  The paper wasn¡¯t paper, but vellum.


    ¡°I hear wizards like old books,¡± She said, brandishing it in front of him.


    ¡°What language is that?¡± Garth asked, but he already knew the answer.


    ¡°Ancient Elvish. It¡¯s deliberately omitted from the translation enchantment in our status bands. A spy of mine used a spell to make a precise copy when they broke into a Clan library three hundred years ago, so no one will come looking for it. Unfortunately they died and the library was locked down, so I haven¡¯t been able to get reference books.


    ¡°That¡¯s more like it,¡± Garth said, practically drooling as he reached out for it.


    ¡°Ah,¡± she said, pulling it away. ¡°Not until you smash.¡±


    Garth painstakingly read the cover of the book with the skill he¡¯d gained from Cass¡¯s lessons. Ancient elven was a minor subject he¡¯d been forced to absorb as most of the old man¡¯s diagrams of enchantments and spells had been written in it.


    Starfall: A Treatise on the Origin of Gods.


    -Castavelle DeChestaland


    Oh yeah, I want that, Garth thought to himself.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m in.¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯ll have your church defiled one way or another, but probably no sooner than a month out. I got a lot on my schedule.¡±


    ¡°Good, that gives me time to be somewhere else when it goes down.¡±


    ¡°Speaking of being somewhere else¡­¡±


    Garth pulled out the Crownkiller bolt and showed it to Linda.


    ¡°I got shot with one of these the other day, would you happen to know where you were when it hit me? I hear these are all the rage in the Prima Regula.¡±


    She took the adamantium bolt out of Garth¡¯s hands, and inspected it, her lips pressed into a severe line.


    ¡°And you¡¯re still alive?¡± she asked, giving him a piercing look.


    Garth smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t have anyone shoot you if that¡¯s what you¡¯re asking. We have a fair number of suppliers across the globe, but this particular one came from the Dentons, I can tell by the shape of the fin. They either shot you themselves, or sold it to the person who did.¡±


    ¡°Methinks it was the former.¡± Garth put the expensive bolt back in his Status Band. Not a particularly surprising piece of information. Gotta follow up on that. And if Alicia was in on it, I¡¯ve got the perfect excuse to spank those hams.


    Wilson, alive and well.


    ¡°You think I can get them to send a few more my way? I made a hell of profit off that assassination attempt.¡±


    Garth¡¯s first instinct was to take the bolt and use it to nail Kyle or Benedette to the wall of the Denton mansion like a butterfly exhibit, in plain view of the road so that Maggie could see what happened when she fucked with him.


    Calm, calmie calm.


    The moment you start killing people in gruesome ways to make statements, you lose the moral high-ground¡­probably¡­unless it works.


    Garth really didn¡¯t want to wake up one day as a monster who thought killing people over a perceived slight was okay.


    ¡°How did you do it?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Linda asked.


    ¡°Get people on your side. Almost become Queen of Earth. Deal with politics, that sort of thing.¡±


    ¡°Simple, I didn¡¯t have enemies.¡±


    ¡°You must have had enemies.¡±


    ¡°Listen, Edward. I put a lot of effort into making trustworthy people my friends, but if I couldn¡¯t trust them, I put a lot of effort into putting them in the ground. Don¡¯t half ass it. If they¡¯re not on your side, hit them so hard they can¡¯t hit back.¡±


    ¡°Machiavellian tactics then, huh?¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I¡¯m surprised you knew that.¡±


    ¡°I fell into the Wikipedia rabbit hole more than once, and with the Mental attributes¡­¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°I remember everything crystal clear all the way back until about ten months old, then it gets a little fuzzy. Still working on unlocking soul-memories, since everything I did while I was dead is kinda of dream-like. Comes to me in bits and pieces.¡±


    "There''s an afterlife by the way, and yes, they have a foosball table." Garth said, downing the rest of his drink.


    Linda frowned, but didn¡¯t comment.


    When the meeting with Linda was over, Garth went back to the Bergstrom manor and got to work, aiming to knock each task out as quickly as possible, but quickly came to the realization that he needed some extra manpower.


    Okay, let¡¯s organize our thoughts. The Phylactery needs an overhaul, I¡¯ve gotta deal with Paul¡¯s new recruits, buy some tools from the Mcdonnell¡¯s, deal with the Dentons, teach Alicia magic, smash an orb in the church, set aside the drug trade for until I can smush the Gonzalez family, keep the principal from jumping my bones, attend classes¡­. Am I missing anything?


    Oh right, and refine heartstones.


    ¡°Yaaaaay.¡±


    Guess I better multitask.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 1/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish?


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 145: Denial is not a river in Egypt

    ***Alicia***


    Alicia was doing her evening exercises at the new inn, while Thomas devoured half a roast turkey by himself. Once he was done eating, he¡¯d probably crawl into the bed and doze for the rest of the night, until he got up in the early morning to go out and play with his street ruffian friends.


    Once Alicia had heard from Susie that her hiding spot had been discovered, she¡¯d whisked Thomas away in the middle of the night, relocating them to a place halfway across town.


    The inn was a lot nicer than her previous one, and she was fairly confident that they wouldn¡¯t be able to track her, the only problem was, this particular Inn was much more expensive, burning through cash at a staggering rate.


    It was fine, though. By selling off a few of her belongings from the mansion, she¡¯d be able to live here for at least four months. Either she would be first chair, or she would be dead in that amount of time, so she wasn¡¯t particularly concerned with the future.


    Alicia finished the last lunge then came to a stand, setting Guile against the wall and panting as she took off the Yoke from around her shoulders.


    the Yoke was an interesting item the nobility had been bestowed by Royalty a long time ago to aid in imprisoning nobles captured on the battlefield, but it had recently come into vogue to use it to exercise.


    It was a heavy, loose iron collar that settled around her shoulders and suppressed her physical attributes, temporarily making her as weak as a commoner, allowing her to exercise without having to resort to lifting enormous weights or breaking the surrounding environment.


    The Yoke nudged against her necklace, the Maiden¡¯s Charm around her neck as she lifted it over her shoulders. She¡¯d bought it on a whim the day before. As the charm against pregnancy brushed against her skin, she briefly remembered the thoughts that had prompted the impulse buy.


    I¡¯m not planning on having sex with him. Other girls my age are wearing them, and it¡¯s best to be prepared and fit in. Better safe than sorry. Yes. It¡¯s just the thing to do.


    She briefly recalled the boy¡¯s wry grin, easy confidence, like nothing in the world mattered to him, and the staggering power he could bring to bear. Enough to compete with a noble family by himself. Enough to win a battle against a creature of legend without batting an eye.


    Spending time with Edward had Alicia discovering new things about herself. One thing she¡¯d uncovered out recently: She found power attractive.


    Agh, not thinking about this!


    She slammed the heavy iron collar on the table beside her and sat down beside Thomas.


    ¡°I¡¯m done, Al,¡± he said, patting his stomach and leaping into the goose-down comforter, snoring in moments.


    Alicia waved him off, sweat trickling down her temple as she cut off a slice of the dry meat and chewed it while staring at the table.


    Now it was time for the second exercise of the night: the one Edward had taught her.


    She tried to focus on individual strands of mana, concentrating on isolating them and plucking them free from their surroundings.


    It felt like she was trying to tug threads of silk out of a fine cloth with steelworker¡¯s gloves on. She couldn¡¯t feel much, but occasionally she saw a twitch of mana, and was able to suss it out.


    Alicia¡¯s entire being was focused on the mana flowing through and around the table when the door burst open, sending splinters of wood clattering across the smooth floor.


    Six masked men streamed through the doorway, swords drawn, their attention on her.


    Alicia looked up, almost unable to shake off the stupor of kneading mana out of the environment.


    They found me!


    Suddenly Alicia knew how they¡¯d found her, as she spotted one of Thomas¡¯s friends in the grip of the last man to come into the room.


    Alicia glanced at her sword, which was by the door. There was no way they would let her get close to it, and she couldn¡¯t stay seated either.


    She put her foot on the table braced against the wall and shoved away, landing in the bed beside Thomas.


    She grabbed her brother by his shirt and kicked open the window.


    ¡°Al, what¡¯s-¡± Thomas¡¯s question was cut off by a yelp as she threw him out onto the balcony. He should be able to jump down to the street and escape with ease.


    ¡°Run, Tom.¡± She bit the words out before jumping off the bed just ahead of the whistling strike of one of the assassins.


    She landed feet first on the wall and jumped, taking advantage of the high ceilings to sail over their heads, aiming for her sword.


    One of the bigger men was faster than she expected, jumping five feet in the air to intercept her, bringing his longsword across with a vicious strike.


    A surge of adrenaline lending her speed, Alicia wildly kicked the ceiling, propelling herself down to the to the ground to the sound of crunching wood.


    A sharp pain spread from her right thigh as she rolled away from her landing point, barely ahead of the downward swing of the men crowding around her.


    ¡°Looks like we found her,¡± she heard someone say, followed by the crack of breaking bone and the sound of a child¡¯s body hitting the floor. Alicia was too busy to look, but she knew they¡¯d just broken the young boy¡¯s neck.


    ¡°You could bounce a credit off that ass.¡± Said another as he snatched up Guile just ahead of Alicia¡¯s reaching fingers. Alicia burned with anger, but she couldn¡¯t stay in one place to hit the man with her elbow, swinging at her as he was.


    ¡°I don¡¯t care what you do with the corpse, but don¡¯t play with her while she¡¯s still alive. You can have all the whores you want once this is done.¡±


    Alicia rolled to the left, out of the way of another sword strike, feeling like a nobleman¡¯s Gant-ball, bouncing around the room at disorienting speeds.


    She felt a flare of pain as her back caught the table with a crack, breaking the table and sending the tableware tumbling to the floor.


    Alicia¡¯s mind barely stopped to catch up as she snatched up the fork and knife, flicking them both at the nearest masked man, who batted them out of the air.


    ¡°Stupid girl, Never-¡°


    He was cut off by screeching wood as Alicia tore the table leg free and slammed it into the side of his head, sending the table flying and filling the room with shards of broken glass.


    Fuck, Alicia thought as she dove into the shuddering corpse. Now there¡¯s glass on the floor, and I¡¯m the only one not wearing shoes.


    She used the twitching corpse as a springboard and came away with his sword in her right hand, a table leg in her left.


    ¡°Come if you want to die, amateurs.¡± Alicia growled.


    They came.


    Rather than stand and fight, Alicia threw her table leg at one, blocked a second with the dead man¡¯s sword, and somersaulted backward out of the third man¡¯s attack, landing behind the king sized bed.


    ¡°HAH!¡± Alicia shouted, kicking the underside of the bed with everything she had and flipping the heavy oak frame on its side, sending the mattress careening into two of the charging assassins.


    Alicia ignored the pain in her shin and the glass in her feet, lunging forward and stabbing through the mattress, feeling her pilfered blade strike flesh twice on the other side of the goose down.


    Alicia dodged backward before a hapless third man tried to return the blind strike through the mattress.


    The heavy oak frame teetered for a moment before slamming back to the ground, clearing Alicia¡¯s view of the room.


    One assassin was twitching on the ground, while another had been pierced through the neck. A third lay beside the bed, clutching his bleeding stomach.


    One was pulling his sword from the mattress while the other two were trying to flank around her.


    ¡°And then there were three.¡± She said, projecting an iron voice through the room, mustering all of her nerve and giving them her fiercest glare. If she could get them to run away after losing half their number, that would be ideal, since if she started moving again she was sure they would see her limp.


    ¡°Damn,¡± came a voice from the corner of the room, where Edward was sitting on one of her room¡¯s chairs, nursing a mug of cider. ¡°That was cool. Hey, once you¡¯re done with these guys, I need your help getting all my ducks in a row.¡±


    The three assassin¡¯s heads whipped around to face the unknown man.


    ¡°No witnesses!¡± the leader said, raising Guile over his head.


    Alicia saw a flash of intricate green and purple mana an instant before six darts manifested in front of Edward and shot forward, burying themselves in his attacker¡¯s eyes. The three of them slumped forward simultaneously, their blades clattering to the floor.


    That¡¯s power. Alicia thought, butterflies tickling her stomach.


    ¡°I guess we¡¯re done here,¡± Edward said with a shrug. He lifted his mug again then paused for a moment, squinting toward the balcony where Thomas stood, a stain of urine on the little boy¡¯s pants.


    ¡°We can take your brother. I know a place where he¡¯ll be safe.¡± Then he drank.


    ¡°What about Jacob, um¡­sir?¡± Thomas asked.


    ¡°What about him?¡± Edward asked, motioning to an empty spot on the floor. ¡°I got to him before he died. A broken neck is fast, but not instantaneous. He left about eight seconds ago.¡±


    ¡°Are you a god?¡±


    ¡°No, but I work for one.¡± Edward clicked his tongue. ¡°Two.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d rather not stay somewhere of your choosing,¡± Alicia said, straightening her spine and taking a step forward. She would find another place to stay that wasn¡¯t under Edward¡¯s control.


    Her cracked shin sent her down on one leg with a hiss of pain.


    ¡°Oh, you¡¯re hurt.¡± Edward said, standing and dragging the chair closer to her.


    Is it the angle or did he get taller? Alicia, half desperate to save face, and half curious to measure Edward¡¯s height, stood again, putting all her weight on her good leg.


    He is taller! In the days since the wiretap expedition, Edward had grown an inch and a half! Alicia¡¯s eyes traveled from the boy¡¯s scalp to his piercing, bright blue eyes, which she could swear were a shade lighter, and his jaw that had strengthened.


    He looks even better than- nope, not going there. She cut the thought off. What the hell?


    ¡°Here,¡± Edward said, sitting on the chair in front of her and patting his knee. ¡°Show me the wound and I¡¯ll fix it.¡±


    Without thinking, Alicia sat on his knee and raised her leg to show him the swelling shin. White threads of mana detached themselves from the air around her, sinking into her injured bone. Watching the power she coveted being commanded so effortlessly brought a strange sensation bubbling up from inside. Then the healing started.


    The sudden contrast between the sharp pain and the icy relief of the spell erasing her wound drew a faint moan from her lips. She came back to herself with a startled twitch, conscious of the warmth of Edward¡¯s body on her back, and the sudden warmth between her legs¡­ and her younger brother peering at her with a raised brow.


    ¡°I think he meant for you to put your foot on his knee.¡± Thomas said dryly.


    ¡°True, but I¡¯m not complaining,¡± Edward said, leaning past her torso to inspect her foot, Forcing a girlish yelp out of her as he grabbed it and making it difficult to stand up again.


    Alicia¡¯s face was blessedly out of Edward¡¯s line of sight, because she felt like it was going to catch fire.


    What is wrong with me, a boy pats his knee and I sit and stay like a dog!? Of course he just wanted to see the leg! Alicia¡¯s palm felt like ice on her burning face. It wasn¡¯t so much the physical contact, or sitting on the leg that bothered her, it was the way she had done it without thinking, perching on him like a tamed animal.


    The embarrassment distracted her from the throbbing pain as Edward began picking glass shards out of her foot.


    ¡°Could you do me a favor and find your sister¡¯s shoes in this mess? Without getting glass in your feet.¡±


    ¡°Sir.¡± Thomas said, saluting.


    ¡°Don¡¯t just do as he says!¡± Alicia snapped.


    Thomas paused. ¡°You don¡¯t want your shoes?¡±


    Alicia blinked and took a deep, calming breath. ¡°It¡¯s fine, just¡­don¡¯t jump at any order he gives you just to please him.¡±


    Thomas blinked, and a fraction of a second later, the irony of her phrasing caught up with her. Munasei, curse you for stealing my ability to think clearly!


    ¡°¡­okay?¡±


    A minute later, the last of the glass was out of her foot and she was easing her shoes on. She stood up slowly, wiggling from side to side gingerly to settle her feet into her tall black leather boots. Wiggling because her boots were being difficult, definitely not because she enjoyed how Edward couldn¡¯t take his eyes off her butt resting on his knee.


    ¡°Like what you see?¡± She whispered as she shifted, straightening her legs and bending down to start her other boot.


    ¡°Now I know you¡¯re doing that on purpose.¡± Edward murmured, his voice quiet enough to escape Thomas¡¯s hearing.


    ¡°Does it bother you?¡± She asked, inwardly grinning as she shifted to her other boot, keeping one eye on his reactions as she slipped back and forth on his leg. It felt good to be doing things on purpose rather than getting swept up in her base urges. Really good.


    ¡°Less than you might think.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± Alicia said. Because that¡¯s all you get. She stood and walked over to Guile, retrieving the rapier and strapping it to her belt.


    Thomas was waiting outside when Alicia turned back to Edward, who was standing, finally released from her weight. The boy was relaxed, tucking his hand in his pocket, watching her expectantly.


    I wonder.... She thought mischievously. Is he hiding something?


    ¡°You ready to go?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s head out.¡± He said, heading for the entrance.


    When they were side by side, he pulled his hand out of his pocket to open the door, and Alicia¡¯s gaze flitted down without thinking, landing on the lump in Edward¡¯s pants.


    Gah, I looked at it!


    Alicia fixed her eyes forward, struggling to keep down a victorious smile. Got him! Take that! she thought, the warmth between her legs redoubling as she fought the urge to look again.


    The butterflies were back.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 2/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish?


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 146: Sorting shit Out

    The three of them stood in front of Paul¡¯s house, lit only by the light of the waning moon. The barest candlelight spilled from the door as Paul glared at them with dark sircles under his eyes.


    ¡°You want me to hide a Denton.¡± Paul said, glowering at Garth. ¡°From the Dentons.¡±


    ¡°Just a little one,¡± Garth said, patting the kid on the shoulder. ¡°Until it¡¯s safe for him to be out and about again.¡±


    ¡°And what about her?¡± he asked, glancing at Alicia, who was idling in the man¡¯s front yard. ¡°What¡¯s the point of hiding him when she¡¯s here, listening to every word you say?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m the one who wants him hidden,¡± she said.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Paul,¡± Garth said, ¡°She¡¯s not going to tell her family about you, because that would lead them to her brother, right Al?¡±


    She sighed and nodded.


    Paul narrowed his eyes, weighing his choices. It didn¡¯t last long.


    ¡°No.¡± he said, closing the door on Garth¡¯s hastily inserted fingers.


    ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°Why not? I¡¯ll tell you why not. Because the Dentons are fucking monsters that would kill children if they were an obstacle, and leaving that boy with my kids is a recipe for coming home one day and finding them carved up and arranged by size. There is no fucking way I¡¯m risking the safety of my children.¡±


    ¡°Actually, speaking of the safety of your children,¡± Garth said, pitching his voice lower. ¡°I also wanted to let you know that the city might become dangerous for people of all ages over the next month, and it might be a good idea to, you know,¡± Garth tilted his head to the west. ¡°Ship ¡®em out.¡±


    ¡°So you wanna take my kids too, now, huh?¡± Paul growled, his expression murderous.


    ¡°Send ¡®em or don¡¯t, city¡¯s still gonna be dangerous, but out west, they¡¯ll be with their mother. She¡¯s on the planning committee, if you can believe it.¡± Garth clapped Thomas on the shoulder. ¡°Plus you can send him with ¡®em.¡±


    ¡°Send him where?¡± Alicia asked, grabbing Garth¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°Where we¡¯ll be going, actually.¡±


    ¡°Which is¡­¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to tell you, because you would say no without giving it a chance.¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°C¡¯mon, give it a chance.¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡± Paul said, ¡°I¡¯ll send them out, the kid included, just stop drawing attention to us. I expect them to be well taken care of and far, far, far from danger.¡±


    ¡°On my honor.¡± Garth said.


    Paul grumbled and dragged Thomas in the door, slamming it shut behind him.


    This time the city was going to be a proper fortress with multiple escape routes, so another perfect storm of bad luck didn¡¯t cripple their escape mechanism.


    This time, I¡¯m not going to wait for an invading force to state their business. I¡¯ll just blow their asses up.


    ¡°He better be fine,¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°He will be. I have a couple people I trust completely guarding a large section of land, removed from the city¡­kind of a ranch, you could say.¡±


    Alicia shrugged and nodded.


    ¡°Alright, that¡¯s taken care of. Now, item one on our list. Visiting Caitlyn Mcdonnell.¡±


    ¡°Why her?¡± she asked, prickling.


    Garth¡¯s jaw dropped, staring at the slender, raven haired girl who eyed him suspiciously. I¡¯ve never had someone be jealous of me before. Well, Natalie had been jealous a few times, but Garth had never been perceptive enough to notice it as it was happening. It was an interesting sensation, objectively knowing someone had a crush on you.


    It was taking every ounce of Garth¡¯s self-control not to treat Alicia patronizingly or act like the dirty, dirty old man he really was.


    ¡°What?¡± she asked, eyeing his stunned expression.


    You¡¯re cute when you¡¯re jealous ¨C I want to experiment with plant-based lubricants on you.


    Garth¡¯s teeth clacked shut. Self-control had never been Garth¡¯s strong suit, and he didn¡¯t like not speaking his mind, but coming on way too strong was a much bigger problem, so he just shut his mouth.


    ¡°She¡¯s got tools I need to borrow.¡± Garth said, swallowing the rest of his thoughts.


    She watched him a moment longer. ¡°I see.¡± She turned back toward the gate, her prominent booty rolling in a hypnotic figure eight as she walked.


    Not only that, watching women kick people¡¯s asses is a bit of a turn-on. The danger tickled Garth¡¯s contrarian urge to subdue them.


    For an instant Garth remembered the feeling of her well-defined backside resting on his knee, and briefly thought of all the fun things he could teach her to do with it before he shook his head and kept walking, putting the ideas on the shelf. I¡¯m not saying I won¡¯t, I¡¯m saying it¡¯s way too early. Garth glanced up and spotted Alicia watching him out of the corner of her eye. Yeah, I¡¯ll definitely get around to it.


    Garth was trying not to stare when the Beastman he¡¯d seen with Paul came out of the darkness just outside the gate, startling Alicia, who made a reflexive grab for her sword.


    ¡°Can I bum another one of those smokes off you?¡± the beastman asked in his strange, rumbling voice.


    ¡°Sure,¡± Garth said, tossing him a couple.


    ¡°Much obliged.¡± Ragnar said, nodding to the two of them before loping up to the house. Rather than knock on the door, he leapt up to the second story and hopped onto the roof, nestling into what looked like a bird¡¯s nest sized for an ostrich.


    ¡°Huh, guess he lives on Paul¡¯s roof now.¡±


    Alicia slid her sword back in its sheath and shook her head, her gait returning to normal as they left, steering toward the Mcdonnell mansion.


    ¡°So which way is Caitlyn¡¯s house?¡± Garth asked. She glanced over her shoulder and frowned at him.


    ¡°This way,¡± she said, the sway unconsciously returning to her hips as she was reminded of the competition.


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re helping me.¡± Garth said immediately.


    ¡°Of course,¡± she said, continuing to sashay in front of him with a pleased smile.


    Garth bit his knuckles, forcing down the urge to tease her. Tease women about doing something you like, and they stop doing the thing you like! It seemed fucking obvious, but had been impossible for a younger Garth to wrap his brain around when he was in the moment. Tough for a lot of dudes, actually. He¡¯d wised up a lot the last couple years he¡¯d been alive, though. The mental heartstones don¡¯t hurt either.


    Basically you gotta find a way to reward a girl for being sexy that doesn¡¯t amount to pointing your finger and shouting ¡®Hah hah! You¡¯re shaking your ass at me!¡¯ Seems like that would be common sense.


    This doesn¡¯t seem entirely fair, leveraging my superior knowledge toward taming Alicia. Actually, I wonder if she¡¯s messed with my head at all. Other than convincing me to teach her magic for a smile. Does that count? Yeah, that counts. Ah well, give and take, I guess.


    Garth didn¡¯t deny it. Denying that someone was messing with your head was a great way of letting them keep doing it, one of the lessons Cass had drilled into him.


    They made it to the Mcdonnell house as the sky was beginning to lighten in the east.


    Garth stepped forward and rapped on the door for a solid ten minutes until a haggard looking black-haired Garthspawn in a plain nightie opened the door, looking rather upset.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± She grumbled, eyelids blinking slowly through gum-filled eyes.


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯d like to speak to the master of the house.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s this about?¡±


    ¡°You said you were here for Caitlyn.¡± Alicia quietly accused behind his back.


    ¡°A cubic foot of gold.¡± Garth said with his best salesman smile.


    ¡°Hah.¡± She said before closing the door.


    ¡°Looks like we¡¯ll have to come back later.¡± Alicia said.


    Garth dislodged the cube of gold from his status band, half of the amount his trees had pulled out of the mountainside in a single evening, smelted together.


    a cubic foot of gold weighs twelve hundred pounds, Garth idly thought as he watched the shiny cube sail downward, embedding itself in the solid oak floor with a tremendous crash.


    The more you know.


    The door jerked open again.


    ¡°What the hell are you ¨C ¡° She paused, looking at the gold on their porch. ¡°I¡¯ll go get the master.¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡± Garth said sweetly.


    A minute later, Garth and Alicia were having tea across a dark, polished table from a beleaguered Curt Mcdonnell.


    ¡°So what brings you here, my boy?¡± Curt asked, sipping his tea.


    Garth couldn¡¯t take his eyes off the man¡¯s thick red mustache that dipped into his teacup and came away with a tiny amount of foam every time. How does he do it?


    It was like a solid slab of hair that someone had chiseled out of monolithic hair-stone and glued to the front of the man¡¯s face.


    ¡°Edward has an important favor to ask,¡± Alicia said, nudging Garth in the side and snapping him out of his stupor.


    ¡°Yes, I need to buy as many aether crystals as you can spare, some core motherboards, transistors and logic gates. If you don¡¯t have those I¡¯d be happy to buy the materials to make them. And I need to borrow the tools to use them, but those I¡¯ll return.¡±


    Curt¡¯s eyebrows rose, a bit of foam dripped from his mustache.


    ¡°That¡¯s a tall order.¡± He finally said. ¡°I¡¯m surprised you know anything about enchanting. Are you just parroting something the Dentons told you to say?¡± He glanced toward Alicia.


    ¡°No sir, the item I¡¯m working on is a specialized status band, A personal project that would allow me to glean more information about myself than I could possibly know: things like mineral deficiencies, talents, things that I like or dislike that I haven¡¯t even experienced yet, the state of my body, whether I¡¯m healthy, or if I have an ailment, what that might be.¡±


    ¡°interesting concept. I could see how that could be useful.¡± He tapped his teacup before unlatching the status band on his wrist, a gaudy silver and gold sheet of metal strapped to his forearm with a leather band.


    ¡°Show me you know what you¡¯re talking about,¡± he said, passing it to Garth.


    Garth found the catch cleverly hidden on the inside of the band, and flicked it, popping open the decorative plate to reveal the enchantments laid out on the forearm protector.


    The entire thing was a tangled mess of colors that seemed completely pointless to the untrained eye. In fact if Garth hadn¡¯t have been able to see mana at all, the whole thing would have looked pretty boring, and been nigh impossible to decipher.


    Better impress him, then.


    ¡°Welp, you¡¯ve got your enchanting laid out on one solid piece of dungeon core, probably imported, given the dungeon core used to make this must have been older than eight hundred years. You can tell by the pearlescence and how strongly it attracts the mana around it.¡±


    Garth watched the channels of mana flow through the rigid lines carved into the motherboard.


    ¡°Right here¡¯s your copyright protection,¡± GArth said, pointing at a little nub of tin with an aether crystal in it. ¡°If someone other than you puts this band on, or makes a duplicate, the tin will melt, and the Aether crystal will touch the plate, causing an explosion that¡¯ll blow the guy¡¯s arm off.¡±


    ¡°Very good.¡±


    ¡°Here¡¯s the standard Status reading feature,¡± Garth said, pointing. ¡°No surprises there. Oh, and this is designed to mask you from other spells designed to read your status. This here is a nice¡­ten cubic foot storage space, not bad. And let¡¯s see¡­¡±


    Garth¡¯s eyes settled on a black gemstone that was fed a large amount of mana, splitting it into three streams of red, yellow and blue.


    ¡°And this nub here draws in raw mana, sends it through this gemstone here which refracts it into the three primary mental attributes, raising them by about¡­¡± Garth eyeballed the strength of the mana flowing through the circuits.


    ¡°Two points each?¡±


    Not bad, 2 points is 20% of human standard, so that¡¯s a pretty commanding lead when compared to an un-augmented human. On the other hand, we¡¯re aiming a lot higher than that.


    ¡°So you can see mana, too. That was more than I expected. I¡¯ll admit you¡¯re no parrot, but it¡¯s still risky sending you home with the things you requested without any kind of oversight.¡±


    ¡°Oversight, huh?¡±


    ¡°Caitlyn.¡±


    The red-headed teen stepped inside the sitting room, her thick leather belt heavy with tools slung over her hips. She was wearing a night gown under it, though.


    That¡¯s an odd combo. Did she just throw it on when the Garthspawn woke her up?


    ¡°Yes father?¡±


    ¡°Caitlyn is my sixth daughter. I believe the two of you have met. She told me all about your ideas for her pistol, and it made her rather manic the last few days.¡±


    ¡°Speaking of, the steel balls started spinning one direction or the other when I took your advice, so I had to rifle the barrel and attach the lever to a separate plunger so the friction with the lever didn¡¯t cause a spin!¡± she blurted. ¡°Then I made a second spring and mirrored them-¡°


    Curt held up a hand and Caitlyn¡¯s word-vomit stopped instantly.


    ¡°If you take Caitlyn with you, allow her to watch your process, and send her back safely, I will afford you the materials you have asked for.¡±


    Ah, so that¡¯s the game. Caitlyn comes home with a few new tricks for enchanting, reports them back to her family, The Mcdonnells stand to improve their technique, and Garth gets what he wants. He also starts thinking about himself in the third person.


    Let¡¯s see. The risk to me is minimal. The only people who can enchant getting a little better at what they do doesn¡¯t bother me one bit. The only problem is making sure they don¡¯t see the phylactery or hear anyone refer to me as Garth. A teleporter to and from my lair would cover that.


    Only problem is I don¡¯t have the power for a Gate creating plant, and I don¡¯t want to waste a mythic core on one.


    Looks like I¡¯ll just have to use the old trick of putting bags over their heads.


    Sounds fun.


    ¡°That seems like a reasonable exchange.¡± Garth said, shaking Curt¡¯s hand.


    Garth saw Alicia scowl as Caitlyn began to crowd around Garth, disassembling her new prototype in front of him and showing him all the pieces in an enthusiasm overload.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 3/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish?


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 147: Working Hard, or Hardly Working

    ¡°Welcome to my man-cave!¡± Garth said, tugging the black hoods off his three bound prisoners.


    Alicia and Caitlyn, blinked as their eyes adjusted to the light in Garth¡¯s newly renovated core room. Tad started awake, yawning.


    The layout was reminiscent of a 21st century penthouse, with a large open space dominated by fancy furniture and a sweet cork floor. Magical lights in the ceiling kept the place brightly lit, and the walls were smooth polished and stained ironwood, making sure these kids couldn¡¯t get somewhere they weren¡¯t supposed to be.


    Garth¡¯s personal R&R room could double as a prison if it had to.


    ¡°The perfect place to get away from it all and focus on work for the weekend. There¡¯s the bar, if you¡¯re in the mood for a soda or a mixed drink.¡± Garth said, pointing at the semicircle in the corner of the airy room where Ms. Banyan stood behind the bar, wearing a snazzy bartender¡¯s vest. ¡°Mrs. Banyan presiding.¡±


    ¡°Over there¡¯s the sofa with a coffee table. I got some tabletop games over there, but they might be superfluous.¡± Garth pointed at his sweet-ass gaming table he probably would never get to use.


    ¡°T.V.¡¯s over there. I¡¯m still working on piercing the veil of reality, time and space to find an identical universe that didn¡¯t get eaten by kipling so I can finally find out how Endgame turned out. I have a few movies and T.V. shows that I¡¯ve seen before drawn out of my memory. It was actually trickier than I thought it would be, piecing together parts where I blinked, or looked away for a minute or two, but I think I did a good job.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s kidding right?¡± Tad said, glancing at the other two. Caitlyn shrugged, bemused, while Alicia looked like she wanted to steal everything in the room, her gaze tracing the contours of the gold-inlaid decorative table that was fused to the floor.


    The dancing naked lady plants were safely tucked away beside the bar in SFW mode, Garth¡¯s Phylactery was hidden behind a four-foot thick wall of solid ironwood. It got its air through pipes laid in the floor and ceiling that connected further back in the dungeon.


    ¡°Bathrooms are over there and there. Workshop¡¯s that way. Kitchen is through there. and lastly, the bedrooms are that way.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll show you to the workshop,¡± Garth said, beckoning them forward.


    ¡°Still tied up, buddy.¡± Tad said, kneeling where Ms. Banyan had set the three of them a moment ago.


    ¡°Sure about that?¡± Garth asked, turning the ropes to ash.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m¡­¡± Tad pulled his hands forward and frowned, rubbing his wrists as he wandered toward the bar to order a drink.


    ¡°Was this necessary?¡± Alicia asked, brushing ash off her black clothes.


    ¡°Kind of. My man-cave is a very secretive place I only allow a select few people to penetrate.¡±


    Hah.


    Alicia narrowed her eyes. ¡°I felt two people carrying me. If that held true for the other two, that¡¯s nine people already.


    ¡°Less than you might think.¡± Garth responded. ¡°Seriously, there are people I never want to find out about this place, so yes, the kidnapping and the bags over the heads, even the five hour bound and gagged cart ride were all necessary.¡±


    ¡°Why him, then?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, why me?¡± Tad asked, returning with a beer.


    ¡°The conversation with Caitlyn¡¯s father got me thinking. I might have cracked part of the code of the wiretap silk, so I-¡° Garth glanced around the room. There was no redhead.


    ¡°Where¡¯s Caitlyn?¡±


    ¡°This is awesome!¡± came a cry from the workshop.


    ¡°Like I was saying.¡± Garth said, motioning for them to follow. They walked after him into the room, when a sudden rush of heat washed over them. The workshop was roughly divided into three areas, a fabrication area for tinkering with metals, complete with every tool Garth could think of, a set of looms and spinners along with some microscopes and a tensile strength scale crowded around a light-based furnace, and a large bench filled with the specialized tools he¡¯d borrowed from the Mcdonnell¡¯s rounded things out.


    Alicia gasped at the sight, while Tad took another sip of his beer.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna need more ice,¡± he muttered as the heat from multiple smelting furnaces pressed in around him.


    ¡°I made a space for each family¡¯s specialty.¡± GArth said. ¡°Tad, I had some ideas about the wiretap silk, and if I make them work, you¡¯re free to take the method back to your family.¡±


    ¡°Cool.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s the bench where I¡¯m going to be making my special Status Band.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Yess..¡±


    ¡°And over there is your space, Caitlyn, where you can work on your pistol or whatever strikes your fancy.¡±


    Oh look, a distraction.


    Caitlyn tried to play it cool, but her feet dragged her over to the fabrication area, and within a minute, she was already putting pencil to paper, designing¡­some kind of block-thing?


    ¡°Where¡¯s my area?¡± Alicia asked, arms crossed.


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth asked, glancing her way.


    ¡°What¡¯s my family¡¯s ¡®specialty?¡¯¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Killing people and taking their stuff, isn¡¯t it?¡± Garth asked.


    Alicia¡¯s eyes widened, and Garth knew he had said the wrong thing.


    ¡°What I meant to say is that I made a spot for you to practice your mana manipulation where you don¡¯t have to worry about men in masks breaking in and trying to steal your turkey.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not what that was about!¡± Alicia shouted. ¡°That was my fam-¡° Her mouth sealed shut as if by magic.


    That was your family trying to kill you and take your stuff? Garth thought, his internal monologue dripping with sarcasm.


    ¡°Huh. Anyway, it¡¯s right over there.¡± Garth pointed, keeping his voice low. ¡°You should find it much easier to control mana over there, it¡¯s chock full of free-floating mana. You might even be able to cast a spell.¡±


    ¡°I even wrote down a bit of my understanding of magic and the world in general. There¡¯s even a couple starter spells you can try. It¡¯s a notebook in the end table, just skim it if you¡¯re feeling lost, and if you absolutely need help, come bug me.¡±


    ¡°What are you going to be doing?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Multitasking.¡± Garth responded.


    Alicia huffed and headed over to the rocking chair and the end table beside it. Underneath her, the three Mythic cores were stirring up a whirlwind of free-floating mana, making the chair the eye of the storm.


    Anybody who can¡¯t cast something in the middle of that, probably shouldn¡¯t be learning magic.


    Alright, back to work, Garth thought, turning around. For a fraction of a second, he caught Caitlyn giving the rocking chair in the corner of the room a strange look.


    Hmmm. Methinks there¡¯s a possibility this girl can see mana already. He thought back to the line of dead spiders in the dirt where someone had likely put up an invisible wall of some kind.


    It hadn¡¯t been Garth. The question was, did she do it herself, or was it an enchantment?


    Garth considered snooping through her possessions, but decided against it. There would be plenty of time to find out more about Caitlyn later.


    A few minutes later, everyone was absorbed in their tasks, with the exception of Tad, who didn¡¯t have any particular goal.


    ¡°Here¡¯s the idea,¡± Gath said, showing him to the light-based oven, made of plant matter. Almost everything was made of some kind of wood in here, so it didn¡¯t exactly stand out.


    ¡°There¡¯s fifteen different units on this oven,¡± Garth said, pulling out a tray, ¡°each unit can be dialed in to a specific heat and radiance.¡±


    Garth turned the radiance dial, and the light inside the little section of the oven became blindingly bright. Garth quickly dialed it back down.


    ¡°So what we¡¯re going to do is bake sheets of this.¡± Garth said, showing Tad the raw, spider silk. ¡°Until they look like this.¡± He pulled out a shimmering mirage handkerchief that had cost him a pretty penny, courtesy of the Williams.


    ¡°They already look the same.¡± Tad said.


    It was true, to the naked eye, the two looked the same, except the handkerchief was a solid fabric that would last a long time, while the raw silk would fall apart rather quickly.


    ¡°To the naked eye they look the same. Hell you can hardly see them at all, but do this¡­¡± Garth tore the Rolls Royce of hankies in half and tugged out a single thread before doing the same with the raw silk.


    He went over to the microscopes and put sections of thread under them.


    ¡°Check it out. You can be the first to look at it, but I¡¯ll bet you money the threads look different under a microscope.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s a microscope?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s like a really powerful magnifying glass.¡±


    ¡°How do I look through it?¡± Tad asked, glancing over the microscope curiously.


    After a couple minutes showing Tad how to work the microscope, the kid was glancing back and forth between the two samples.


    ¡°The raw silk seems to be loose and flaky strands, while the stuff you got from your handkerchief looks kind of like it was melted together a little bit before being spun into thread. Still messy, though.¡±


    ¡°Can you imagine how fine the cloth would be if you could find a way to make the fiber all go the same direction in perfect order, melted together at the perfect ratio?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Damn,¡± Tad said, standing up and glancing at Garth ¡°I could start a whole new family. change my name and let the Williams handle the fucking spiders.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, basically.¡± Garth said. ¡°I also have some distilled water, petri dishes, and a bunch of different acids and bases over there.¡± GArth said. ¡°I didn¡¯t know what we¡¯d need so I just grabbed everything I could think of. You can try to make a process to make the strands lay flat, but keep in mind a lot of that shit is toxic, so do everything in very small batches.¡±


    Garth handed him a notebook and a pen. ¡°Record everything you do, quantities, ratios, times, ingredients, weight. Anything you can think of. And make sure to label every sample you make.¡±


    Tad¡¯s eyebrows rose, and he glanced at the pen in his hand. ¡°Everything.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°So we can put the samples on a graph and draw a curve to find the ideal technique after you¡¯ve made a couple hundred samples.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s mind-numbing.¡± Tad said.


    ¡°That¡¯s science, bitch.¡±


    Tad chuckled and shook his head. ¡°All right, how do I get started?¡±


    ¡°Cut chunks of raw silk off that sheet there,¡± GArth said. ¡°Small ones. Label them batch 1-A through 1-O, bake them at a consistent temperature, while adjusting the light level up by a few degrees for each of them. Or bake at a consistent light while raising the temperature by five degrees or so for each of the samples. As long as you keep one variable constant while only changing the other one.¡±


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s easy.¡±


    Once Garth had Tad squared away, he glanced over at Alicia, whose eyes were closed in a meditative trance, belied by the mana around herself in a blade-shape as a malicious smile crept onto her face.


    Caitlyn was meticulously forming a mold for whatever part she¡¯d just drawn, using sculpting tools to shape the wax with religious fervor.


    Looks like I¡¯m going to get a lot done this weekend, Garth thought, rolling up his sleeves and settling down to his enchanting bench, organizing the supplies.


    Oh, looks like I got enough extra to make that x-ray vision enchantment, Garth thought, glancing up to make sure nobody was watching.


    He pulled out a sheet of drafting paper and started designing the spell. It was a simple thing, he could pull it off real quick to fulfill his promise to Wilson, then get back to the more important stuff.


    Let¡¯s see, Garth thought, writing the description of the spell out, then making modifications, making it more self-contained and compact.


    Adding clauses to prevent seeing through people¡¯s skin and hair added a lot of complexity, and the spell wound up expanding to almost six inches wide on the paper before Garth could figure out an elegant way to package the whole thing together, dropping it down to about an inch and a half on paper. With the right tools and magnification, he could enchant a core slice about the size of a button to grant its wielder with clothes-penetrating vision.


    Excellent, fifteen minutes in and the design is done already. Just gotta knock this out of the park then I can get back to work. Garth glanced up. Still no one paying attention to him. Whew. Caitlyn was really the only person he needed to be afraid of seeing it, though. She might be able to work out its purpose.


    Garth was sitting there, absorbed in his work and pondering whether to use the otherwise difficult to use nub at the end of a Mythic core for the enchantment.


    Someone cleared their throat behind him.


    ¡°Gah!¡± Garth jumped in his seat and tried to cover his drawing. He wound up slamming his hand a quarter inch through the design and into the table with a bang. The other three teens looked up at the startling sound and gave Garth a strange look.


    ¡°Paul brought the new recruits.¡± Mrs. Banyan said, giving Garth¡¯s design a disdainful look and turning back to the bar.


    ¡°Ah, shit.¡± Garth said, standing and wiping the hand-sized dent in his table out. I haven¡¯t even gotten started. ¡°You guys keep doing what you¡¯re doing, I gotta take care of some stuff.¡±


    He slipped the design with a hand-print cut out of it into the cabinet next to him.


    ¡°Alright, you kids, stay safe. I¡¯ll be back in an hour. Don¡¯t try to leave, and if you¡¯ve got any questions, or need anything, ask Mrs. Banyan.¡±


    ¡°We can¡¯t leave?¡±


    ¡°If you try, the last thing you¡¯re going to remember is your tenth birthday party.¡± Garth said with a smile. ¡°We¡¯ll head back to the city Sunday evening.¡±


    ¡°Be right back.¡±


    Garth left the workstation, walked back to the entryway and strode through the solid wood wall that melted open for him, sealing shut behind him as he stepped out into the muggy, jungle-like dungeon proper.


    Garth whistled, walking past the dozens of non-lethal booby trap plants designed to knock out any kids trying to sneak around his house past bedtime. Closer to the entrance of the dungeon, the traps became a bit more aggressive, causing serious injury, along with nasty poisonous effects ranging from simple heart-stopping poison, to subtle poisons that inflamed suspicion and aggression to tear parties apart from the inside.


    The entrance itself was covered with a camouflage plant that enjoyed covering large open holes and looking like the surrounding shrubbery while allowing air to flow through. It also exuded a cocktail of chemicals and magical effects that made it hard for people to register it in their memory, and forget it existed, walking right by it.


    Best first line of defense is anonymity.


    Garth stepped out of his dungeon into the fresh air above, then began gliding through the forest composed of Mrs. Banyan and Grass, aiming for the city that was slowly being rebuilt.


    When he got to the practice yard, there were six young men standing in a row, sending contemptuous glances at each other as Paul kept a watchful eye on them.


    Mrs. Banyan was standing nearby, three of her were watching the boys while another four were hidden in nearby trunks.


    Sheath, the assassin Garthspawn who¡¯d belonged to the Bergstroms was watching nearby with crossed arms.


    ¡°Good afternoon gentlemen, and welcome to boot camp.¡± Garth called as he casually arrived onto the thick Grass of the practice yard.


    ¡°My name is Edward Bergstrom, and I am going to be your boss.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not working for a kid whose only calluses are from jerking himself off.¡± One of the young men said, to general chuckles of agreement.


    ¡°I thought you might feel that way.¡± Garth said, taking his shirt off. ¡°So I thought I¡¯d give you a demonstration. Paul.¡±


    Paul pulled out a wicked knife with a bone handle and a curved blade and wordlessly threw it in front of the boys, where it sank deep into the Grass.


    ¡°First person to make a drop of my blood touch Grass gets my job. Any takers?¡±


    The practice yard was deathly silent.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 4/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish?


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 148: Dry-humping a Fossil

    ***Alicia***


    ¡°So is it just me, or does it seem like Edward Bergstrom isn¡¯t Edward Bergstrom?¡± Tad asked, putting his feet up on Ed¡¯s coffee table while he waited for his experiments to bake.


    ¡°He can use magic.¡± Caitlyn said.


    ¡°Obviously. He hadn¡¯t been subtle about it since we got here. Your smelter is literally made of wood. Half the shit here is.¡± He pointed at the voluptuous bartender who was watching them with inhuman stillness. ¡°She¡¯s made of wood.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Go look real close, she¡¯s got a grain.¡±


    Caitlyn went up to the bar, where Mrs. Banyan gently smiled and gave her hand to the young Mcdonnell to study.


    ¡°By Kolath, you¡¯re right. What do you think he brought us here for? To use us in profane experiments? Eat our souls or something? Can I get a daiquiri?¡±


    Ms Banyan started mixing the drink.


    ¡°Probably not. Seems like the accommodations wouldn¡¯t need to be so fancy. Ooh, check this out.¡± He grabbed the coffee table and lifted the surface up, where it swung up and in on a series of hinges.


    ¡°Alicia, you don¡¯t seem to be very surprised that your boyfriend is at the very least, a plant by the royal family, and more likely a rogue wizard.¡±


    Alicia noticed Caitlyn flinch at Tad¡¯s words, nearly tripping.


    ¡°I already knew,¡± Alicia said, smug in her intimate knowledge of the young man.


    She took a drink of wine, using the opportunity to try weaving mana outside the mana-rich practice area. She smiled as she saw the tiny ripples she was able to make in the alcohol in front of her nose.


    It¡¯s coming along.


    ¡°Did you know he¡¯s nine hundred years old?¡±


    Alicia coughed, the wine spewing across the table.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a TeeVee.¡± Tad said as if it explained everything.


    ¡°What¡¯s a TeeVee? I kinda just spaced it out when he was introducing the place. I thought it was some kind of mirror.¡± Caitlyn said.


    ¡°I don¡¯t really know.¡± Tad shrugged. ¡°I remember reading a brief mention of ¡®watching TV¡¯ in an ancient story I read once. The story was from before the fall of man.¡±


    ¡°You read books?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Something wrong with that?¡± Tad shot back.


    ¡°Seems odd for a Williams.¡±


    Tad snorted and turned back to the TeeVee.


    ¡°Maybe you have to do something to it.¡± Caitlyn said, stepping up to the black, shiny surface, running her fingers around the edges of the screen, frowning and poking it in various places.¡±


    ¡°Allow me,¡± Mrs. Banyan murmured, wiping up the spilled wine with a cloth before picking up a small black rectangle from the table and pointing it toward the table.


    An instant later the TeeVee flared up with light and the sound of an entire orchestra blasted out of nowhere.


    Caitlyn squawked and toppled backwards, landing in a tangle of limbs against the coffee table, making the entire thing buck, spilling Tad¡¯s drink into his lap. Not wasting a second, she drew her pistol and fired three shots into the screen where a metal man was standing, with a similar metal weapon.


    Three steel ball bearings studded the screen, but rather than pin down the images like it should have, they simply kept flowing without a care.


    Above him was an odd word: Robocop.


    ¡°Please, children,¡± Mrs. Banyan said, cleaning up the second spilled drink. ¡°There¡¯s nothing in this place that can hurt you.¡±


    ¡°I could stick my hand in the smelter.¡± Tad said.


    ¡°There¡¯s nothing in here that can hurt you as long as you¡¯re not an idiot.¡± She replied, walking up to the TeeVee and tugging the steel balls out by hand before giving them back to Caitlyn.


    In seconds, the dents in the TeeVee healed, restoring the complete picture again, showing a melting man get smashed by some kind of box on wheels.


    ¡°It¡¯s interesting all right, but it keeps repeating.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re still on the dvd menu.¡± Mrs. Banyan sighed as she pointed the little black box again. A moment later the screen went black, then a strange logo appeared. What followed was a strange, disorienting play, where the audience shifted every five seconds or so, making Alicia a little sick to her stomach.


    ¡°This doesn¡¯t prove he¡¯s nine hundred years old,¡± Alicia said, stubbornly trying to hold on to the image of the young man she¡¯d built in her mind.


    ¡°He said he made these from his memory,¡± Tad said, eating a handful of popcorn. ¡°Tell me where you can watch one of these, let alone¡­¡± he used the ¡®remote¡¯ to pull up the menu. ¡°Six hundred and fifteen, including series. Anywhere except man¡¯s golden age.¡±


    Alicia put her hand on her forehead, her image of Edward shattered. She had considered the possibility that he might be older than he looked, back on the first field trip, but it had been maybe a dozen years or more.


    Now she realized she¡¯d been practically dry-humping an ancient fossil.


    An ancient fossil with a nice body who can heal mortal wounds, survive tussles with legendary creatures, kill people without moving a muscle, and summon gold straight from the ground at his leisure.


    Alicia took a deep breath and looked back up at the screen. I¡¯m strangely comfortable with that. If anything, it tipped the scales further in his favor, giving her a framework for the boy¡¯s inexplicable power and confidence.


    One thing was for sure: Maggie didn¡¯t know what she was getting into.


    ¡°Can you imagine all the things he knows?¡± Caitlyn said, wiggling in excitement. ¡°I mean, I was stumbling through recreating the weapons of the ancient humans and he immediately knew what it was and had suggestions! He might know spells that don¡¯t even exist anymore! He might know someone famous from the fall of man!¡±


    Caitlyn gasped in the middle of her rant ¡°He might have met the first Emperor while he was still just a man! Just think, he was around while legends walked the earth!¡±


    ¡°Might be one,¡± Tad said quietly into his drink, so low that Alicia almost didn¡¯t make it out.


    That¡¯s a good point. There weren¡¯t any immortal people wandering around nowadays whose biographies included the words: didn¡¯t do anything of note.


    ¡°Mrs. Banyan, who is Edward, really?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Edward Bergstrom is the seventeen year old bastard son of Oliver Bergstrom. He likes blueberry pie and sports and riding horses.¡± She said mechanically. ¡°He most certainly isn¡¯t an eight hundred and seventy-five year old wizard.¡± Mrs. Banyan gave a wink.


    Alicia groaned.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°No one?¡± Garth asked. ¡°come one, there¡¯s no rules, no limits, no reprecussions. Any way you can make me spill that one drop of blood. Give me your best shot.¡±


    The young men were silent.


    ¡°I thought Paul brought me the most ambitious street urchins in the city, but I guess that doesn¡¯t amount to much.¡±


    The recruits in front of him bristled at the provocation, glaring at him. Ah, youth.


    The largest young man, a good five inches taller than Garth stooped to pick up the dagger in front of him, testing its edge.


    ¡°It¡¯ll break the skin.¡± Garth assured him. ¡°Unless you¡¯re afraid to be holding a real weapon?¡±


    Tall Lad A charged Garth, holding the blade in stabbing position. Garth met the boy¡¯s lunge with his own, wrapping his fingers behind the guard and slamming his shoulder into the other kid¡¯s body with inhuman force.


    He tumbled away from Garth, leaving the blade in Garth¡¯s hand.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± Garth asked, holding his hand out above the groaning boy.


    ¡°Greg,¡± he said, taking Garths hand and pulling himself to his feet.


    ¡°Greg, I appreciate your going first,¡± Garth said. ¡°At the very least I know one of you¡¯s got balls.¡± Garth took a Red Fern BOGO coupon out of his pocket and slapped it into the youth¡¯s hand.


    ¡°Next?¡± Garth tossed the dagger back into the earth in front of them.


    Another young man charged forward as soon as the dagger hit the ground, holding his left hand in front of him, and the dagger behind him, out of Garth¡¯s reach.


    So he¡¯s aiming to use his left hand to poke a hole in my defence and hit me with a quick slice. Not a bad idea, especially trying to just get a nick. Let¡¯s roll with it.


    Garth raised his hand to block and the kid grabbed it, yanking Garth¡¯s hand aside.


    Garth let him.


    A fraction of a second later he swung the knife forward. Garth grabbed the hand holding his wrist and used his superhuman strength to tug the kid¡¯s arm in front of his own slash, effectively blocking it.


    The recruit gave a cry of pain and fell backward, clutching his gushing arm.


    Ooh, that looks serious¡­


    ¡°Mrs. Banyan, could you¡­thanks.¡± In a second, two Banyans had swept in to hold the boy still and bandage his wound.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name, bleedy?¡±


    ¡°Juan,¡± he said through clenched teeth, his body shaking.


    ¡°That was a good idea, Juan, and decisive. I like that kind of initiative.¡±


    He pulled out a laminated coupon and tucked it in the kid¡¯s pocket. ¡°Thirty percent off any refreshments offered at the bar for life, a great value.¡± He leaned forward and whispered ¡°That includes the drugs.¡± He patted Juan¡¯s chest and stood.


    ¡°Any more takers?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Kinda pointless, don¡¯t you think?¡± one of the kids said, his arms crossed. ¡°We can¡¯t compete with a noble.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you pointed that out, Givie McGiveuperson.¡± Garth said, motioning to Paul, who brought out a heavy steel Yoke.


    ¡°This, Paul tells me, Is a Yoke, often used to subdue nobility by making them no longer able to literally chew granite and shit out cement.¡±


    ¡°How do we know it¡¯s real?¡± one asked.


    ¡°Good question.¡± Garth said. ¡°Hold him down please.¡±


    The three boys standing beside the boy held him still while Garth put the heavy collar over his shoulders.


    The kid dropped to his knees, barely able to keep his head up.


    ¡°Whaddya think, does it work?¡±


    He nodded.


    ¡°Cool.¡± Garth took the collar off and the boy gasped deeply, like he¡¯d been too weak to breathe.


    ¡°Now I could wear this, but there¡¯d be no more consolation coupons for attempting nightmare mode.¡± Garth said, fishing the four remaining coupons out of his pocket and flashing them to the young men in front of him. ¡°Free Sunday Worship, Hump Day Specials, Flat twenty percent discount, and a Frequent Flier¡¯s card.¡±


    They stood, staring at him, when the shortest one raised his hand.


    ¡°I¡¯ll give it a try,¡± He said, stepping forward.


    ¡°All right, show me what you got.¡± Garth said, rolling his shoulders.


    Shorty took the curved blade and put both hands behind his back.


    Ooh, tricky.


    A moment later he lunged forward, aiming a punch at Garth¡¯s nose. A bloody nose would count if it touched the grass, so that wasn¡¯t acceptable. Garth easily blocked the strike, deflecting it with his palm while he waited for the trick.


    I hope it¡¯s a good one.


    Shorty¡¯s other hand whipped around, also empty, also aiming for Garth¡¯s nose. Garth leaned his head out of the way of the punch and a moment later the kid splayed out his fingers, poking Garth in the eye with his pinkie finger.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Garth grunted, closing his eye.


    In an instant, the kid whipped both hands behind his back and tore them forward again, aiming for Garth¡¯s blurry right hand side.


    There we go. Good trick.


    Garth grunted and moved to block both hands, only to realize the kid¡¯s hands were still empty.


    ¡°Now!¡± he shouted, clamping down on Garth¡¯s awkwardly posed arms and dragging them bodily further to the right.


    Another man swept in from the left, dagger in hand. He never had the knife at all, he gave it to someone else!


    Damnit! Garth thought, tearing his arms out of the kid¡¯s grip and intercepting the lunge with his hands. He was on the back foot, so there wasn¡¯t much he could do but catch it.


    Garth caught the man¡¯s wrists with a triumphant grin. Just a little too slow kiddies. If he¡¯d been moving before you shouted, he might¡¯ve ¨C Garth¡¯s thoughts were interrupted by a sudden stabbing pain.


    Garth tore the dagger out of the man¡¯s hand and staggered backward.


    Jutting from his chest and tickling his heart was a rather large switchblade.


    ¡°How¡¯s that, ya bitch?¡± The short one said with a vicious grin. ¡°Guess I¡¯m the boss now.¡±


    The other young men gave the kid sideways glances, murmuring amongst themselves. Sheath gripped her short sword tightly, watching Garth with wide eyes.


    ¡°Try harder.¡± Garth said, pushing his blood back inside with magic as he pulled out the knife. The blade was clean.


    The length of steel left behind a dark, dry wound in his chest. ¡°Went for a stab when you should¡¯ve cut me, see?¡±


    In front of the pale onlookers, Garth jammed a finger deep into the wound and wiggled it around. Garth pried the wound open a bit and showed them. ¡°Nicked my heart a little though. That was a good try. Anyone else?¡±


    Garth scanned the remaining recruits, who stared at him silently.


    ¡°Anybody at all?¡± Garth asked. ¡°I¡¯ll wear the Yoke.¡±


    Continued silence.


    Garth fanned the laminated coupons in front of Fred. ¡°Go ahead and pick two. You earned it, slugger.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 5/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 149: Dirty Operating System

    Garth rubbed his aching neck, groaning in pleasure. Taking care of three teens for a weekend was a harrowing experience, no matter how powerful you were.


    When he got back they started asking him pointed questions about his life before ¡®prison¡¯, trying to figure out his secret identity by puzzling out who he knew and where he was when the world went to shit.


    Seems like they got nine-tenths of the way there, Garth thought, putting the finishing touches on his magical laser cutter. Still, no one wanted to believe that the amicable nine-hundred year old wizard who gave them candy and soda was the antichrist.


    Well, as long as he doesn¡¯t kidnap them and take them to a secure location and run experiments.


    ¡°That looks nothing like a Status Reader.¡± Caitlyn pointed out.


    Garth¡¯s laser cutter was a boxlike object with a large disk on two pairs of floating rails on the top, able to move in any two dimensional direction while projecting a variable strength laser through a gemstone in the bottom. The enchanting was all exposed on the disc, the rails and box were just to hold the thing up.


    ¡°I¡¯ll have to take your word for it,¡± Tad said, sipping a slurpee.


    ¡°To quote one of my favorite games as a child,¡± Garth said, standing back to admire his creation. ¡°Technological advance is an inherently iterative process. One does not simply take sand from the beach and produce a Dataprobe. We use crude tools to fashion better tools, and then our better tools to fashion more precise tools, and so on. Each minor refinement is a step in the process, and all of the steps must be taken.¡±


    ¡°So, what are you saying?¡± She asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m using your family¡¯s tools to make a better one, and I¡¯ll use this one to make the status reader.


    Garth took a step forward and opened up the CAD portion of the laser-cutter.


    ¡°So I was thinking to myself how freaking hard it is to pack so much detail into such a small area with just my hands, when I remembered that people before the fall of man didn¡¯t make much by hand, we had robots in factories do that for us, especially incredibly delicate things like CPU¡¯s.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s a SeePeeyou?¡± Catilyn asked.


    ¡°Central Processing Unit.¡± Garth began the process of entering the data into the simple interface.


    ¡°What¡¯s a robot?¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s with all the questions?¡± Garth demanded over his shoulder.


    It took Garth thirty minutes to finish programming the cutter, consulting his written version, rife with eraser smudges and notes detailing exactly what went where, and the depth of each individual line.


    ¡°What got me thinking about this was the fact that Caitlyn¡¯s parents sent me way more materials than what I needed to make the enchanter. At first I was thinking they were just generous, then while I was erasing one of my flawed designs I remembered this cool tool a friend of mine used a couple years ago that could restore mistakes.¡±


    Garth grabbed the biggest sheet of quarter inch Core material and placed it under the box.


    ¡°I realized that I¡¯m gonna make a mistake or two and the pieces I mess up on are just gonna get tossed out. I don¡¯t really know how that jerk made a tool that literally backfills material that¡¯s been erased from existence, but the concept of a laser is pretty familiar to me, so I decided to do it the human way, by making a tool to get it right the first time.¡±


    Garth considered the large core slice again, slowly looming bigger in his vision.


    ¡°Actually, let¡¯s test it first.¡± Garth pulled the pristine slice out and took a bit of scrap out, fixing it beneath the laser and flipping the switch.


    Aether crystal came down and completed the circuit, and the air between the gem and the core sample glowed a brilliant blue.


    It seemed to be working, the laser cutter humming along at an incredibly rapid pace, putting detailed work into the sample piece. There didn¡¯t seem to be anything wrong with the laser cutter itself, it didn¡¯t seem to be loose or jerky: Everything had to be precise.


    ¡°And once it¡¯s done, we should get a ¨C ¡°


    The table caught fire, then a section of it fell out in front of their eyes, landing on the ground and sending smoking bits of sharply cut wood clattering every direction. Caitlyn yelped and jumped backward, while Tad sucked on his slurpee, watching the SNAFU with amusement.


    Then the laser began carving into the floor.


    ¡°Abort, abort!¡± Garth cried, leaping forward and flipping the switch off.


    ¡°Looks like I need to make some adjustments, dial it in a little.¡± Garth chuckled. ¡°I was totally expecting that.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    Caitlyn bent down and picked up one of the table¡¯s chunks, along with the core piece that had been resting above it.


    It was supposed to be a dual channel with two spots for inserts, and it had instead made a semi-curved flat piece of wood cut against the grain with two holes drilled in either side.


    ¡°This is amazing.¡± She breathed.


    ¡°It is? Looks like scrap to me.¡± Tad said.


    ¡°If you were trying to make this on purpose, how long would it take, hours? His machine did it in seconds, along with a dozen others.¡±


    ¡°This girl gets it.¡± Garth said, snapping his fingers.


    After a few minutes of calibrating Se?or Laser, Garth had the power down where he wanted it, and the table fixed.


    ¡°Here we go.¡± Garth said, flipping the switch.


    The laser hummed, sending a tiny blue beam through the air as it carved through the core, creating the pathways for the CPUs of his Garth-Tree interface.


    Garth had briefly considered enchanting it with a Lure and calling it the Slutty Operating System, but that seemed counter productive and distracting, especially since it would look like Sandi


    Once the laser was done Garth lifted the outer edge of the core away to reveal nine perfectly identical chips, about two inches wide. All they needed now was Aether crystals and logic gates in the appropriate places.


    ¡°By all the gods!¡± Caitlyn shouted before prostrating herself before him. ¡°Teach me! Please!¡±


    This must be how all those Isekai dumbasses feel after introducing rice to the ignorant masses, because nothing solves otherworld problems like introducing rice and hot springs.


    It briefly occurred to Garth that he was still on Earth, and that being groveled to felt pretty good. I mean, I still shouldn¡¯t go out of my way to have people grovel, but there¡¯s no sense not enjoying it when it happens¡­.


    Garth enjoyed it just a moment longer before telling Caitlyn to stand up.


    Must not¡­be creepy perv¡­


    ¡°I¡¯d be happy to teach you¡­¡± Garth said, ¡°If I get to take a peek at your assets.¡±


    God, I fucked it up already!


    ¡°Your Attributes.¡± Garth clarified quickly.


    Caitlyn¡¯s bright smile when he said he would teach her became guarded.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Something about your behavior tells me your Mental stats are above ten.¡± Garth replied. ¡°That, and I haven¡¯t seen very many clear heartstones from the last field trip¡­.and when you cast Force Shield, you left a distinct line of dead spiderlings.¡±


    Garth silently, motionlessly, gathered an ominous cloud of mana behind himself, big and scary, but ultimately harmless.


    Caitlyn went pale, but her eyes didn¡¯t leave Garth¡¯s face. Garth didn¡¯t know whether it was the cloud of mana or the accusation of using magic.


    Let¡¯s see, if she¡¯s never seen the heal spell before, which is likely¡­


    Garth formed the heal spell into a spear-shape and jabbed it toward Caitlyn, slow enough for her to dodge, if she wanted.


    Caitlyn reeled backward, falling onto her butt, eyes locked on the spear.


    ¡°And lastly, you can see mana.¡± Garth said, gently pushing the heal spell through his hand to show it couldn¡¯t do any damage.


    Caitlyn sighed and nodded. ¡°I¡¯ve been eating heartstones, one a week, to give my body a chance to process them.¡±


    ¡°That stuff builds up in your system. Hold still.¡±


    Cleanse


    Caitlyn flinched as Garth reached out with the poison-filtering spell and began raking it through her body, wicking out black, chunky mana and tossing it aside.


    I wonder if that just goes back into the atmosphere and we simply breath it in again. I might have to think about safe disposal. What a headache.


    ¡°You weren¡¯t feeling it yet because you¡¯re still young, and you weren¡¯t going too fast, and you were picking the purest gemstones, but sooner or later it was gonna catch up with you. How¡¯d you get Mana Sight and live, by the way?¡±


    ¡°I snuck some heartstones back to my room a few years ago, ate them out of curiosity, threw up, had the shakes, got really sick and dizzy, then fell asleep. When I woke up, I could see mana.¡±


    Sounds familiar.


    Garth glanced at Alicia, who was busily meditating in the Mana Chair, beginning to create organization out of the chaos. I guess some people have a better reaction than others. At least she¡¯s making progress.


    ¡°Edward?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°Will you teach me magic like her?¡± she asked with upturned eyes.


    Of course, if she could see what Alicia was doing it would have become fairly obvious pretty quick.


    Tad glanced at Alicia, realization dawning on his face.


    ¡°I get the feeling I was part of a conversation I shouldn¡¯t have been.¡±


    ¡°How about you, Tad, you wanna learn magic?¡± Garth asked, turning to him.


    ¡°Nah, I¡¯d rather not live my life in fear of the Inquisition, thank you.¡± He waved his hand. ¡°Now if you¡¯ll excuse me, Batch twenty is coming out in a minute.¡±


    ¡°How about you?¡± Garth asked, turning back to Caitlyn. ¡°Aren¡¯t you afraid of the inquisition?¡±


    ¡°Terrified, but I¡¯ve already got Mana Sight, and that makes me as damned in their eyes as Garth himself. Why not learn what I can before I die? You must know things no one could imagine. I want to know how big the world really is.¡±


    Garth chuckled a bit at the reference to himself. It always tickled him when he came up in casual conversation as a curse or standard by which Evil was measured. Sometimes it blinded him with white hot anger, but usually it was funny.


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s a pretty good sell. Gimmie a second.¡±


    Garth walked up to Alicia, who took the wax plugs out of her ears as he approached.


    ¡°What is it?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m teaching Caitlyn too, don¡¯t kill her.¡±


    Her blue eyed flickered to the side, studying Caitlyn for a second before returning to him, brows furrowing.


    ¡°Do you just teach any pretty girl that asks you now?¡±


    ¡°So far, yes,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°Because Tad turned me down and your aunt is evil, and no one else has expressed an interest.¡±


    Alicia scoffed and put the earplugs back in, closing her eyes and shutting him out like an angry teen.


    Oh wait, she is an angry teen. How do you deal with one of those? Garth had no idea, because he¡¯d never had one, and when he was one, he was thinking about other things. Mostly video games and getting laid.


    ¡°Seriously. Don¡¯t kill her, or have her killed, or anything like that. I know you wanna protect your monopoly on the whole magic thing, but that¡¯s just the Denton in you talking.¡±


    Alicia opened her eyes and gave him a glare that could melt steel. ¡°I won¡¯t mess with her, damnit. Now leave me alone.¡±


    ¡°Thanks,¡± Garth said, laying a hand on the top of the notebook. The reference to a copying spell gave him an idea.


    With a thought, he made a book-copying plant that sank its microscopic roots through his notebook, destroying it completely before blooming into two identical copies. Garth ashed the clinging tendrils and flipped through the pages to make sure it took correctly.


    ¡°Excellent. Don¡¯t be afraid to put your heads together when you don¡¯t understand something. Study buddies are proven effective.¡±


    Alicia gave him the finger. Aw, she¡¯s sulking because I¡¯m teaching someone else.


    Garth leaned close and whispered, ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I like dangerous women.¡±


    Alicia reddened, and Garth turned away, handing the notebook to Caitlyn.


    ¡°There you go, it¡¯s got the basics, and if you don¡¯t understand anything, put your head together with Alicia, and if there¡¯s anything you both don¡¯t understand, come to me.¡±


    ¡°Thank you!¡± she said, clutching it to her chest. It¡¯s a little bigger than Alicia¡¯s isn¡¯t it? Garth thought, Taking care not to get caught staring.


    ***Later that night***


    Once the kids went to sleep, Garth was able to assemble the pieces of the interface, a clunky wood and core control panel about four feet wide and three feet tall. It reminded him a little of those big screen control panels that people have in futuristic movies.


    He glanced around, used scry to make sure everyone was in bed, then picked up the clunky 8-bit computer and bid the wall in the back of the room to open, revealing his Phylactery in all it¡¯s kinda-gross glory.


    Garth situated the magical computer in front of the bright green tree, and got the cord pooled in the front cabinet and connected it to the back of the machine before snapping the enchanted band around the trunk. Garth took the opportunity to inspect the dark swath in the bark. It had retreated an eighth of an inch from where he¡¯d marked it with a grease pen a few days ago.


    Very good. Garth took a deep breath. Here, we go.


    Clarion Call


    ¡°Boot.¡±


    The panel beneath him hummed to life.


    Garth had decided to substitute a traditional interface for commands via Clarion call. It made it much more difficult for any random people to mess with things they shouldn¡¯t.


    The panel lit up and text too fast for the eye began running down the screen as it preformed it¡¯s first start up. Once it was done, the screen went blank and a single word popped up in DOS-like white on black text.


    Command prompt


    ¡°Run Diagnostic.¡±


    Running¡­.


    Running¡­¡­.


    Complete.


    ¡°Display.¡±


    Garth-Tree, AKA Phylac-tree


    Advanced Phylactery Variant ¨C Type (Plant) Subtype (nature)


    Options


    Stats


    Health


    ¡°Health¡±


    Overall Health 96% positive, minor discoloration, 8% slowdown in functions.


    A decrease in airflow has caused a 12% slowdown in functions.


    Ambient temperature within tolerance, 2 degrees below ideal, causing 6% slowdown in functions.


    Recovering from minor poison. Complete recovery estimated time 4 weeks.


    ¡°Stats,¡± Garth said, curious to see what the result of eating the heartstones was.


    These are the Attribute values of the Garth-tree, Vessels born from the tree share these. By default they are the same for all Vessels, however you may change this from the Options menu.


    -Strength- 11


    -Endurance- 11


    -Speed- 11


    -Intelligence- 14


    -Memory- 14


    -Senses- 14


    Incubation time: 15.6 years *affected by Endurance, Speed, and environmental penalties.


    ¡°No freaking way.¡± Garth murmured.


    Screw starting from scratch over and over again, let¡¯s pump this thing full of heartstone fertilizer.


    Make a golf-ball sized portal, linked to a literal processing plant. The energy to process and recover from junk mana supplied by a Mythic core, with self-replicating goblinoid hunter-killers with portals in their tum tums that connect. Garth glanced over his shoulder toward the workshop.


    Here¡¯s a good use for a mythic core.


    ¡°Options.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 6/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 150: What is your type, Anyway?

    The kids were stretching in the living room, yawning as Mrs. Banyan made breakfast for them in the kitchen: Eggs and bacon. One good application of Beladia¡¯s fertility aura and there was more than enough livestock to go around L.A. It was pretty funny watching a chicken literally shoot eggs out of its cloaca at high speeds.


    Thank you, Ma¡¯am.


    Tad was the first one up. He was eating a second helping of breakfast and reclining on the sofa, circles under his eyes and food stains on his shirt. He looked like he didn¡¯t even change clothes. He was watching cartoons on the TV.


    Caitlyn stumbled out of the girl¡¯s bathroom, yawning and stretching before smacking her soft crimson lips and scratching her butt. She had a mussed up mat of red hair that hadn¡¯t been combed yet, wandering toward the savory smells of the kitchen with her eyes half-closed, her long nightgown suspended from her perky nipples.


    Alicia was watching him from the sofa, silently shaking her head.


    Garth shrugged.


    What am I supposed to do, not see things?


    Alicia was already dressed in her Sunday best, a teal shirt with another pair of black pants that were inches away from waving the white flag. Her porcelain skin sported a blush that hadn¡¯t been there the night before.


    Did Caitlyn loan her rouge? Garth shrugged internally. Not my problem. Be great if they were getting along, though.


    Garth went to the kitchen and passed Caitlyn, who was mechanically eating breakfast while standing in the center of the tiled floor, chewing slowly with her eyes closed.


    ¡°Get her a coffee¡­.light,¡± Garth told the trio of Mrs. Banyans who were taking care of serving breakfast. One of the idle ones nodded and pulled a bag of coffee beans down from the cabinet. If the girl had never had caffeine before Garth didn¡¯t want to explode her heart.


    Garth took his plate of breakfast and ambled back to the living room.


    ¡°Good morning, and welcome to the second day of the sleepover,¡± Garth said between bites of egg. ¡°We¡¯ll head back to the city around seven tomorrow, and have you in your beds by midnight, so make sure your bags are packed by then.¡±


    Tad grunted.


    Alicia pointedly ignored him.


    Caitlyn groaned from the kitchen.


    I get no respect.


    Garth stretched his legs and stood.


    ¡°Before we get started this morning, I¡¯m gonna go grab some supplies from outside, anyone wanna come with?¡±


    ¡°I want to try some things out with the lasercutter.¡±  Caitlyn said, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, nursing her coffee.  ¡°Mind if I use it while you¡¯re gone? I have some weapon concepts to test.¡±


    ¡°Sure, that¡¯s fi-¡°


    ¡°I¡¯ll go!¡± Alicia stood eagerly.


    Garth blinked at her sudden energy.  Cabin fever? Garth nodded to Tad while collecting everyone¡¯s plates.  ¡°How about you?¡±


    ¡°Nah, I have some things I wanna try too.  There wasn¡¯t much variation in yesterday¡¯s batches.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, dropping the plates with another Mrs. Banyan.  Or was she Mrs. Grass now? ¡°Al and I are gonna be gone for maybe eight hours, don¡¯t get up to anything crazy while I¡¯m gone.¡±


    Garth spotted Alicia sneaking a glance towards Caitlyn, who was deep in thought, her eyes gleaming as she pondered either the wonder of the laser press or the wonder of coffee.


    Ahh.  She wants to play keep-away with the ancient wizard.  Man, Dentons aren¡¯t very good at sharing. Or maybe just women. Well, men get jealous too, soo¡­people? Teens. Teens aren¡¯t very good at sharing.


    Garth nodded inwardly.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to try adding small amounts of chemicals to the baking process today, see if the spiders venom reacts to the flesh of their prey at baking temperatures. Caitlyn, would you be any help with that?¡±


    ¡°Hmm? No, I¡¯m more of a builder than a chemist.  Ravenleafs get touchy about other people playing with chemicals and we need them for too many things to risk an embargo.¡±


    ¡°Alright, sounds like you guys have things well in hand. Al, you wanna hit the bathroom before we go?¡±


    She shook her head and hefted her rapier. ¡°I¡¯m good to go.¡±


    ¡°Excellent,¡± Garth said, picking up the black hood from the counter.


    Alicia paled.


    ¡°Actually I think I will.¡±


    ¡°Good idea.¡±


    ****


    ¡°Is this really necessary?¡± Alicia said in his ear, the sack muffling her words. Her arms were tied together around his neck and her legs were arapped around his hips, her bottom resting on a makeshift saddle as he glided through the forest at a speed that put cars to shame. They made it to the other side of the mountain in only a handful of minutes as the brush and trees bent around him and his passenger to propel them further and faster.


    ¡°Of course it¡¯s necessary.¡± Garth said, enjoying having a girl pressed against his back probably a bit more than he should have.


    It did actually serve a purpose, though. Since she had no way of telling how fast they were going, Alicia would assume that at most they were a mile or two outside of his lair, rather than fifty.


    Once Garth got where he wanted to be, he let her off his shoulders, untied her and took off the hood.


    ¡°Here we are, a forest where we can find my supplies.¡± Garth said, motioning to the surrounding greenery.


    Alicia peered up at the sun and the surrounding mountains.


    ¡°Your secret base is outside Clarkstown?¡±


    ¡°Maybe,¡± Garth said, stretching his shoulders. ¡°Now, we need to hunt for my supplies.¡±


    ¡°I forgot to ask,¡± Alicia said. ¡°What are your supplies?¡±


    ¡°Live goblins.¡±


    She shook her head and gave him a double take. ¡°Live goblins? What do you need them for? There¡¯s no good reason to catch them rather than kill them. There¡¯s literally nothing that can be done with them. They¡¯re dangerous, stupid, disobedient, their tools are terrible, they taste awful, they reproduce at ridiculous rates. They found out humans can make half-breeds with anything a long time ago, and now they¡¯ve got a penchant for kidnapping women to make hobgoblins, who are even worse, if you can believe it.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to train an animal to hunt them, so I need some live ones.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Oh.¡± Alicia pondered it for a moment. ¡°You actually managed to find the one good reason to catch them alive. I¡¯m impressed.¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡± Garth nodded.


    Finding goblins took longer than he thought.


    They began to stomp through the woods, making sure to make plenty of noise, but it just didn¡¯t seem like the goblins were biting this time of year. They were the ultimate invasive species, it wasn¡¯t like there weren¡¯t any in the forest, though.


    ¡°The moment you actually try to find one,¡± Garth muttered to himself after a few minutes had gone by. ¡°Heeeere Gobby gobby gobby!¡±


    Garth clicked his tongue, scanning the surrounding forest.


    ¡°Maybe you just don¡¯t look edible.¡± Alicia said, glancing over as she walked beside him. ¡°Kinda stringy.¡±


    ¡°Pssh, I¡¯m with you on that one. If I were a goblin I would eat you, hands down. Nice big hunks of....¡±


    Alicia raised a brow.


    Garth cleared his throat. ¡°Slightly more tender meat.¡± He glanced around the forest. You really think we¡¯re scaring them off?¡±


    ¡°Not really. Two lightly armored humans wandering through the woods? They¡¯d fall over themselves to attack us. Most likely we¡¯re just unlucky and haven¡¯t wandered into any of their territories.¡±


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Garth stopped and held his palm against the nearest tree, sharing his senses with the forest. It seemed like there weren¡¯t any goblins, at least none within the three hundred foot radius that he could feel.


    Hmmm¡­ Can¡¯t really afford to be doing this all day.


    Garth held up his hand and made a little bloodhound daffodil to sniff out the nearest gobs. The little green plant with a bright yellow flower sniffed the air a bit, then turned southward.


    ¡°On we go,¡± Garth said, following his homemade goblin compass.


    ¡°So what was your wife like, before you went to ¡®prison¡¯?¡± Alicia asked as she followed beside him.


    ¡°Picture the sluttiest looking woman you could possibly imagine.¡± Garth said, following the direction the flower pointed.


    ¡°So my sister?¡± Alicia laughed.


    ¡°Benedette doesn¡¯t even hold a candle. She wasn¡¯t very bright either, and a little na?ve too.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ nice?¡±


    ¡°She had a heart of gold though, and she only ate people in self-defense.¡±


    ¡°I fail to see how you can eat people in self-defense.¡± Alicia said, frowning.


    ¡°She pulled it off,¡± Garth said. The memories Alicia was bringing up were bittersweet, and perfectly clear, from the moment he met Sandi, to the moment he lost sight of her, interrupted by a beam of searing light.


    ¡°So what made her so attractive? What kind of girl do you like?¡± Alicia asked, sidling closer, her hips nearly colliding with his own.


    ¡°Her? The brightest smile in the world and an ass straight out of my wildest dreams.¡±


    Technically true.


    Alicia grinned, her smile radiant in the dark of the forest.


    Garth decided to mess with her a bit. ¡°Huge boobs, too.¡±  Alicia¡¯s smile became a bit strained. ¡°Like, out to here.¡± Garth motioned. Alicia¡¯s expression became dangerous and Garth decided to move on.


    ¡°But my type? What really gets me going? Dangerous women. Smart women, too.¡±


    ¡°But you said she wasn¡¯t that bright.¡± Alicia said, frowning.


    ¡°I like dumb women too,¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°Harmless ones as well, actually. Tall ones, skinny ones, chubby ones, dainty ones, ones that climb on rocks. My tastes could best be described as¡­ broad.¡± Garth thought all the way back to his many childhood crushes.


    ¡°But what¡¯s your type?¡± Alicia asked, giving him a frustrated look. ¡°You just told me ¡®I like women in general¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I guess, but if I had to distill it down to a handful of traits¡­¡± Garth rubbed his chin before holding up a finger.


    ¡°One, they do right by me. That disqualifies your Aunt.¡±


    He held up another finger.


    ¡°Two, they find me attractive.¡± Nothing looks quite as good on a woman as her wanting to jump your bones.


    ¡°And third, they have good teeth.¡± Garth bared his teeth and pointed at them. ¡°A girl could be the nicest, prettiest, most devoted girl in the world, but if she had meth-mouth, I don¡¯t think I would be able to touch her with a ten-foot pole.¡±


    ¡°Let me tell you,¡± Garth chuckled as he walked, ¡°My wife had some good teeth.¡± Garth¡¯s chuckle built to a full-blown giggle as he walked. They were like, a foot long and razor sharp.


    ¡°What was her name?¡± Alicia asked, her voice soft and compassionate.


    ¡°Nice try,¡± Garth ¡°But like I told you brats last night, that¡¯s classified.¡±


    Alicia tsked in irritation, crossing her arms.


    Garth glanced over at her and patted her shoulder.


    ¡°So how about you? What¡¯s the ideal man in this brave new world?¡±


    Alicia¡¯s eyes flashed. ¡°They¡¯re powerful.¡± She said immediately.  ¡°Power is law, in the end.¡±


    ¡°Wow, Al. That¡¯s intense.¡±


    ¡°Oh, well¡­¡± Alicia blushed the tiniest bit.  ¡°Can you not call me Al? It¡¯s a terrible name.¡±


    ¡°Aww, you don¡¯t like it? Why not?¡±


    ¡°My family calls me Al. Hearing someone call me that makes me put them in a little box in my head labeled ¡®may stab you in the back at some point.¡¯¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just a name.¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°It seems like a problem you could solve by killing the right people, but don¡¯t take my advice. Most problems look killable to me.¡±


    Garth sighed, staring into the distance.¡°I¡¯m gonna change how you feel about that name for you. Besides, nobody gets three syllables.  Even the guy who taught ME magic only got one.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t mean Garth?!¡± Alicia gaped at him.


    ¡°Hah, you wish.¡± Garth said. ¡°I never met the guy.¡±


    Still true, I¡¯ve never met myself before. Except for that one time.


    ¡°This was some dude named Cassius. We called him Cass, a wrinkled old geezer that would rather run than stay for a fight he might not win.¡±


    ¡°He was very powerful though. Made the world six feet longer in one direction once.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she asked. ¡°What does that even mean?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I still don¡¯t know how he did it,¡± Garth said with a chuckle. ¡°But he had his specialty, I have mine. Watch.¡±


    Garth took a moment to organize his thoughts, concentrating on his perception of weather mana, tugging it out of the environment.


    A small flurry of wind appeared above his hand.


    He concentrated on a spore twirling right above his hand.


    Design Plant


    Heal your wielder, defend them from harm, concentrate and channel weather mana like a pro. You come from a long line of distinguished wands, but unlike your parents, you went goth and bucked the trend, wanting to become a dual purpose fighting wand like none other! People better be careful not to get blown away by your awesome might!


    The spore sprouted, forming into tight wooden whorls.  Ash fell away to reveal a hilt ¨C a crown of living leaves forming the scales of the grip, flowing mana circuits wound among the branches on the pommel.  Roots almost as hard as adamantium wound into a caged wristguard.


    Garth seared the channeled weather mana through the length of the wood, pushing out the nature mana and priming it to channel only one kind of mana.


    Garth wound up with a dark grey, wooden wand resting in his palm, It looked like other magical aides he¡¯d seen before, but it had a guard meant for catching blades, and a sharp wedge point at the end if she really needed to stab someone.


    A fighting wand.


    It wasn¡¯t particularly helpful for people who had a hyper-magical class like Garth, but it was invaluable to someone who didn¡¯t.


    ¡°I don¡¯t really like the word¡­but I suppose people could misconstrue me as being¡­¡± Garth held the weapon out to her. ¡°Powerful?¡±


    Avarice practically dripped from Alicia¡¯s gaze when she saw the small eddies of mana pooling around the wand.  Hearing his words, though, she blushed again.


    ¡°Uh, well, I suppose that you could¡­ maybe¡­ say that, umm¡­¡±


    A rock shot out of the brush and ricocheted off Garth¡¯s reinforced skull.


    ¡°Ow.¡±


    ¡°Oh, would you look at that.¡± Alicia stammered, snatching the parrying wand from him. ¡°Goblins. Let¡¯s go fight them.¡±


    ****


    ¡°We¡¯re back!¡± Garth shouted as he entered his lair.


    Unfortunately there was no one to greet them.


    Garth let Alicia down off his shoulders and took the sack off her head. The dozen tied up goblins continued to wiggle in their bonds. It had been pretty helacious figuring out how to bring them with him. He¡¯d wound up having to cast Forestwalk on each of them to prevent them from being roadhauled to pieces on the way over, and had to tie them up with leather straps made from their own filthy clothes.


    The entire experience left Garth sorely in need of a bar of soap and maybe a couple episodes of Crocodile hunter to get his mind off of how gross the goblin nest had been.


    When they got close to the nest, the goblin¡¯s effort to kill them, and their stench, had redoubled.


    The entire nest was run by a couple disgusting smelling hobgoblins, whose odor was most accurately described as ¡®anaerobic bacteria colony¡¯


    I need a shower and to watch Steve Irwin manhandling wild animals, Garth thought, directing the dungeon to form a cage around the goblins. They could stand to have one too.


    Bars of solid ironwood formed around the goblins and a drain opened up beneath them. A second later, spigots began blasting them with water, following Garth¡¯s wishes.


    ¡°How did you do that? I didn¡¯t see any mana move.¡±


    ¡°I built the place.¡± Garth said with a shrug before turning back to the living room. ¡°Guys? We¡¯re back!¡± They¡¯re probably in the workroom.


    Garth¡¯s call was followed shortly by a tremendous Boom that shook the floor, nearly knocking him over.


    ¡°What the hell was that!?¡± Garth and Alicia shouted simultaneously, shortly before another explosion rocked the house. The sound seemed to be coming from the direction of the workshop.


    Noo¡­.


    Garth broke into a sprint, aiming for the workshop.


    Caitlyn and Tad were standing near the entrance. Tad had what looked like a missile launcher over his shoulder, aimed at the opposite wall separating Garth¡¯s phylactery from the rest of the house. There was a hand-painted target on the wall, already embedded with dozens of small steel ball bearings, and at least seven slugs almost the size of tennis cannisters.


    ¡°No! Bad!¡± Garth shouted, waving his arms and running toward them, trying to get their attention, but they were wearing earplugs and not facing him.


    Tad pulled the trigger, and the entire dungeon shook again.


    The steel slug hit the wall right on top of the previous one, and together they tore through the ironwood wall, sending a crack about half the width of Garth¡¯s arm through the wall.


    The golden light of the Phylactery room leaked through the crack in the bunker wall.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Garth shouted, jumping in front of the two of them. With a mental command, he sealed the fissure in the wall moments before Alicia came in, trotting behind him.


    ¡°What did I say about doing something crazy?¡± Garth demanded, his arms spread wide between their property-destruction machine and his most vital lifeline. No more shooting at my fucking phylactery, capisce!?


    ¡°¡­Don¡¯t do it?¡± Caitlyn said, her head lowered.


    ¡°And would you define shooting a cannon inside someone else¡¯s house as crazy?¡±


    ¡°I was just excited to try it, and we can¡¯t leave, so I¡­¡± Caitlyn wilted at Garth¡¯s furious glare.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I don¡¯t have an excuse,¡± she said in a pitiful voice


    ¡°She made me.¡± Tad said, pointing at Caitlyn, entirely unrepentant.


    Garth took long, slow, deep breath and then one more. ¡°I¡¯ll think of a creative punishment for both of you, but for now¡­¡±


    Garth leaned forward and whispered to Caitlyn, ¡°How did you negate the recoil?¡±


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 7/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 151: Secrets

    ¡°I¡¯m not sure if this is heaven or hell.¡± Greg groaned into the open barracks. He was lying face up, every muscle in his body crying out in pain, barely able to lift a finger. During the day. He¡¯d been forced to perform meaningless task after meaningless task that could only be accomplished by a group of people.


    Between the reading and writing lessons, the math lessons, and the history lessons, his brain felt just as mushy as his limbs. Tomorrow they would have to do it all over again, and that almost made him want to cry.


    The scenery was nice though. Above him, four curvaceous brown Mrs. Banyans massaged his aching muscles, her luscious breasts brushing against him as they massaged his arms and legs. Greg didn¡¯t want another black eye, so he chose not to cop a feel, just enjoying the moment. This strange village of Garthspawn got the blood pumping in more ways than one.


    ¡°Little bit of both I imagine.¡± Juan said, groaning into the massage table as two more rubbed his back.


    That was how it went. They were treated like dogs during the day, and kings at night.


    ¡°Marry me.¡± Juan said.


    ¡°No, me!¡± John shouted.


    ¡°Forget about those guys, I¡¯ll do you so good you¡¯ll ¨C OW!¡± Zack¡¯s lewd confession was cut off by a pinch from Mrs. Banyan.


    ¡°Now boys,¡± The words came from the lips of every wooden woman present, creating an eerie resonance. ¡°I¡¯m already married.¡±


    ¡°Where¡¯s Fred, anyway?¡± John asked, his voice muffled by the massage table.


    ¡°He said he was going to do some more studying.¡± Zack said.


    ¡°We get two hours of free time a day and he¡¯s gonna spend it looking at a book?¡± Greg asked, ¡°That boy is scary in more ways than one.


    ¡°He¡¯d studying with Heather.¡± Zack clarified.


    ¡°Studying or going balls deep?¡± John asked.


    ¡°Little bit of both, I imagine?¡± Jaun said.


    ¡°Who knows?¡± Mrs. Banyan said.


    ***Fred***


    Out in the forest, Fred was peeling open the chest of a Yenner he¡¯d hunted with Heather Garthspawn, while Mrs. Banyan chaperoned the two of them. The only thing on his mind was getting an edge on the competition. If the ancient humans could eat raw heartstones and live, Fred could too. Each one he hunted would make the exercises easier, the lessons stick better, and allow him to pull ahead of the others.


    Whatever this creature was that was masquerading as Edward Bergstrom, it represented a both a tremendous opportunity, and a tremendous risk.


    No way was Fred going to settle for being middle management in exchange for risking his life. Fred tugged the dull stone away from the creature¡¯s heart, examining it in the torchlight. It was about the size of his thumb, dull green with a pebbled surface.


    Fred ate it, grimacing at the acrid taste of blood before the stone dissolved on the way down his throat. Not the sort of thing you get used to, but necessary.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see if we can get another before curfew. How long do we have?¡± he asked, glancing back at Mrs. Banyan while hefting his new spear.


    ¡°forty-five minutes.¡± she said.


    ¡°Nearest monster?¡±


    ¡°A Yenner a quarter mile that way,¡± she said, pointing. ¡°Or a group of Dire wolves a half mile that way.¡± She pointed.


    ¡°This¡­is¡­awful.¡± Heather said between gasping breaths.


    ¡°You gotta work hard if you wanna be on top,¡± Fred said with a shrug. All his muscles were crying out in pain, but he had enough left in him to walk and lift a spear and put it between him and a pouncing Yenner. He needed someone to carry the spare spears, though, and Heather seemed to like him.


    ¡°When you¡­asked me¡­to come out into the woods¡­¡± the slender, black haired Garthspawn who taught them basic math panted as she climbed the side of the mountain with spare unbroken spears over her shoulder.


    ¡°I thought¡­you¡­wanted to fuck¡­¡± She panted. ¡°Who knew¡­carrying your spears wasn¡¯t a euphemism?¡±


    ¡°Wait,¡± Fred asked, rounding on Heather. ¡°And you followed me anyway?¡±


    Heather gave him a shy, hopeful smile, and his heart immediately kicked into high gear. He¡¯d never had a woman show an interest in him like this. He had to treat this situation with the delicacy a demure woman like her deserved.


    ¡°We¡¯re taking the Yenner.¡± He said, turning toward the single monster. Dire wolves moved in packs and he was in no shape to handle more than one monster at a time.


    Heather deflated, her spark of enthusiasm faded away, making her look like an abused animal as she watched him with upturned eyes.


    ¡°We can make love later, when we¡¯ve gotten to know each other, with a proper bed, and the time to devote to it.¡± Fred said, hoping to appease the disappointed girl. Something romantic, with candlelight and soft silk sheets¡­


    ¡°We can do it real quick standing up,¡± she said with a shrug.


    Fred¡¯s heart nearly jumped out of his chest and his mind went blank, all cunning and ambition drowned in a haze of stunned amazement.


    ¡°We¡­we can?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, lemme show you,¡± she said, putting her thumbs in her waistband.


    ¡°NO!¡± Fred shouted with a higher pitched shout than he¡¯d intended.


    ¡°Lets¡­um¡­ finish what we came here to do, and then¡­be together, okay?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re cute,¡± Heather said, pulling her pants down.


    ***Greg***


    Greg was groaning while Mrs. Banyan worked his back when he heard snickering above him.


    What? Greg glanced over his shoulder to see that every Mrs. Banyan in the room was covering her mouth, trying to suppress a giggle. Finally she didn¡¯t seem to be able to contain it and burst out laughing.


    ¡°What is it?¡± Greg asked for the rest of the men in the room, who were watching the dryad curiously.


    ¡°It¡¯s nothing,¡± she said, her laughter coming down to a chuckle as she shook her head. ¡°Nothing.¡± She cleared her throat and got back to work.


    *** Caitlyn***


    What was that light? Caitlyn couldn¡¯t stop thinking about the glow that had come through the wall. There had been a golden light flowing from the crack they¡¯d punched in the sturdy wooden wall. She¡¯d even gotten an instant where she¡¯d seen something green beyond the thick wood.


    Edward had seemed less angry at them, and more¡­panicked? The way his arms flailed as he ran, the expression on his face. Something had scared him, badly, and it wasn¡¯t concern for their well-being. He had immediately closed the hole in the wall and stood in front of it until they put down the cannon, like they¡¯d been pointing it at his baby.


    From what she¡¯d seen the wall was about four feet thick, and behind those four feet was something really interesting.


    Caitlyn rolled onto her side, spotting Alicia sleeping curled up around her sword. What kind of life makes a woman sleep like that? The girl¡¯s delicate brows were furrowed, an angry expression on her face.


    Wonder what she¡¯s dreaming about.


    ¡­


    Wonder what¡¯s behind that wall.


    Caitlyn turned onto her other side, facing the opposite direction, taking a deep breath and trying to relax into the incredibly soft, yet firm pillow.


    Somehow everything in Edward¡¯s ¡®man-cave¡¯ as he called it, was better than anything she¡¯d experienced before.


    And yet, despite the pillow cradling her head, the softest mattress she¡¯d ever felt, and covers that kept her at just the right temperature, she couldn¡¯t sleep.


    Her fragmented thoughts kept drifting back to the wall, and what might lay behind it. after an hour of staring at the inside of her own eyelids, Caitlyn sighed and threw the covers off, creeping along the warm wooden floors, until she came to the men¡¯s bedroom.


    She carefully opened the door and peeked her head in.


    The light from the hallway splashed into the boy¡¯s bedroom, dimly illuminating the sleeping figures of Tad and Edward. Tad had thrown his covers off, sprawled across the bed entirely naked, the slender boy¡¯s manhood only concealed by the faintest shadow.


    Kolath, I was not prepared for that, Caitlyn thought, her hair standing up on the back of her neck.


    Caitlyn squeezed her eyes shut for a second and then directed her gaze at Edward, who was curled up in his covers, his peaceful sleeping face pointed toward her.


    Good, he¡¯s asleep.


    Caitlyn carefully closed the door, trying not to make any noise as she latched it before sneaking down the hall.


    When she got to the main room, Mrs. Banyan was nowhere to be seen, and the lights were dark. It was only bright enough to navigate the room without tripping, the entire scene cast in shades of grey. Nothing to stop her from satisfying her curiosity.


    Not even the goblins, Caitlyn realized with a start. If they had still been in the cage, they would have started shouting, making lewd gestures and flinging shit again. There would have been no way they would have let her sneak past them without making noise. Somehow they were no longer in the cage Edward had put them in.


    Caitlyn silently padded to the workshop, her nightgown fluttering around her thighs as she walked. She got to the room and the lights brightened on their own, somehow sensing that someone had entered.


    She stopped in front of the back wall, where she and Tad had shot the cannon earlier that day. The wall was discolored where it had regrown, stronger than before.


    Caitlyn grabbed a nearby chisel and struck it against the wooden wall.


    The wood dented the chisel, rolling the steel up like a soft cheese.


    ¡°Damn,¡± she breathed. How am I supposed to get through here?¡±


    ***Garth***


    Garth sat in his phylactery room, naked except for the Amulet of Endeavor resting against his chest, sitting crosslegged at the center of a carefully constructed ritual circle, one of the many things he¡¯d learned shortly before he¡¯d been killed the first time.


    A properly created ritual circle, using mana conducting materials with channels designed to assist, was like using a lever and fulcrum to move something heavy, in a magical sense.


    Against the wall was a throbbing, strange plant that looked something like a pitcher plant with a pipe extending from it, all the way to his Phylactery. The Plant was designed to absorb and regurgitate the raw power of a heartstone in a more digestable form. There was a heavily enchanted Mythic core at its center that powered its ability to recover from the poisonous junk mana, without which the plant would wither and die in a matter of days. The core also powered the inactive receiving portal above its pitcher.


    Garth had actually done something similar with a Mythic core powering the portal to China.


    Still kinda pissed about that.


    In the center of his lap, Garth had the second mythic core, ready to be used as part of the spell. Across from him, was an altar with twelve restrained goblins. Garth wouldn¡¯t have had to restrain them if they had stopped flinging their own shit. Fucking monsters.


    ¡°I dub thee: Inky, Pinky, Stinky, Wrinkly, Slinky, Finky, Winky, Dinky, Tinky, Vinky, Linky, and of course¡­.¡± Garth glanced at the last one in the line. ¡°How could I forget Kinky?¡±


    ¡°Welcome to the creation of the Multiverse¡¯s best hope for goblin population control. You may feel a slight pinch.¡±


    Garth picked up the Mythic Core in both hands, and took a deep, steadying breath.


    Pala, Beladia, If you care to help, now¡¯s the time. I¡¯m about to make something really dangerous. Let¡¯s make history.


    Garth felt ice settle in his neck and behind his eyes as Pala turned her attention to him. A gentle warmth spread through his stomach and vitals as Beladia settled in to watch.


    Garth began channeling mana, the circle around him regulating the mana intake and blocking kinds that he would otherwise have to pick out of his spell-soup by hand. It reduced the strain on his body and mind drastically.


    Design plant


    Create life


    ¡°You know what I want ladies, but I¡¯ll spell it out for you. Give me a creature that can ¨C¡°


    Garth¡¯s lungs froze as Pala forced out a cold breath, pumping him like a bellows and forcing him to speak.


    ¡°Dwell among it¡¯s prey in secrecy, always concealing its true intent.¡±


    Garth¡¯s hair stood on end as a swirling shadow erupted from his lips and hung in the air, a swirling mass of intention. I can¡¯t stop the spell.


    ¡°Their only purpose is to kill those that they have been based on. They will be smarter, faster, stronger. They will feast on their flesh and-¡°


    Garth¡¯s eyes rolled back in his head as a wave of pleasure rose through his groin all the way to his scalp, forcing a choked voice out of him.


    ¡°Reproduce, grow and spread to every corner of existence.¡±


    Beladia¡¯s purple mana squirmed from his mouth and joined Pala¡¯s, creating an ever-shifting purple and black tangle of mana.


    ¡°When they have consumed their prey, they will be compelled to push its heartstone through the portal concealed in their belly-button. They will have no interest in harming anything that is not their prey. They will seldom mutate, and regularly check each other for mutations. If they see one of their own that has mutated, they will destroy it with extreme prejudice. As for a backdoor to control them¡­.¡±


    Garth considered for a moment. If he left a backdoor, he could wield them in the future as an army, at least until another wizard found the backdoor, then things would get messy. If he didn¡¯t put a backdoor, the only thing they would ever be good for is stemming the goblin population and feeding his Heartstone Processer.


    ¡°My creations are their own creatures, and will have no means to control them.¡± Ahah, that might bite me in the ass.


    It¡¯ll cost me a trump card, but on the other hand, these things will outlast me, becoming their own species. I don¡¯t want them to have shackles that people might exploit for the rest of existence.


    Garth had gained a new appreciation for things that would outlast him recently, flung so far into the future.


    Then something happened that Garth wasn¡¯t expecting.


    Your Create Life skill has reached ten percent, my Apostle! Congratulations, but it may still be a bit too early for you. Garth heard Beladia¡¯s amused voice in his mind an instant before his hands clamped involuntarily down on the Mythic core.


    ¡°Gah!¡± Pain like he hadn¡¯t felt in a long time assailed him, travelling down his raised arms and into his ribcage, reaching all the way to his lungs.


    Flesh began to melt away from his arms, drawn up through his hands, melding with the Mythic core and turning into a golden stream of mana, floating up to join the whirling mass in front of him.


    Garth couldn¡¯t hold in the scream that felt like it was drawn from his very soul as his flesh withered away, melting the mythic core in his hands.


    When there was nothing left of the Mythic Core, Garth slumped over, his body pale purple and withered, gasping for breath.


    Garth could only motionlessly watch as the mana spun together in an intricate pattern, the three separate colors of mana folding in on each other over and over, shrinking as they did.


    There was a flash of light that forced Garth to shut his eyes, followed by the clattering of many hard, small objects falling on the ground.


    Garth opened his eyes, not sure what to expect.


    In front of him were five ominous daggers, with wicked sharp straight edges, made of black wood. The chill of Pala¡¯s shadow rolled off of them, but the handles seemed to be blackened roots twined around each other, ending in a pommel shaped like a perfect white egg.


    It¡¯s Beladia¡¯s symbol Garth realized: An egg wrapped in tree roots.


    Garth tried to push himself to his feet, but his arms and legs looked like a ninety year old man¡¯s, and he nearly fell twice before he managed to stagger to his feet.


    Garth¡¯s body wasn¡¯t recovering. It seemed like the damage from casting the spell was more than just a simple wound.


    Hopefully this was worth it. Garth thought, carefully picking up one of the five daggers and approaching Icky.


    The goblin began to thrash even more in its bonds, but there was no way its strength could match Garth¡¯s spells.


    With a grunt, Garth raised the dagger over his head with both trembling hands, and used his weight to bury it in the goblin¡¯s chest, to the hilt.


    The goblin¡¯s desperate struggles wound to a stop, and its eyes rolled back into its head as it died.


    But it didn¡¯t stop there.


    The egg began to glow, and roots peeled away from the handle and forced their way into the goblin¡¯s body, using it for sustenance.


    In front of Garth¡¯s eyes, the goblin mummified as the egg grew, first the size of a chicken egg, then an ostrich egg, until finally it was nearly as big as his chest. it became softer, until he could see a goblinoid form curled up inside the egg.


    Half a minute later, a goblin burst out of the egg, spilling fluid across Garth¡¯s clean floor.


    Life is messy, I guess.


    The newly born creature gasped its first lungful of air, shivering.


    The other goblins watched in horror as a perfect replica of Icky struggled to its feet, looking about itself curiously.


    It looked at Garth, the only thing moving in the room, and cocked its head to the side in confusion, watching every move Garth made.


    Garth stepped forward and patted Pinky on the head, drawing his creation¡¯s attention to the goblin.


    ¡°I believe this is what you¡¯re looking for. Go ahead and eat up.¡±


    Pinky struggled and shouted, but his words were muffled by the gag. The only thing he succeeded in doing was drawing the Hunter-Killer¡¯s attention to himself.


    His creation¡¯s eyes lit up with desire, and he stepped forward tentatively, giving Garth cautious glances, as if he expected Garth to punish him.


    ¡°Go ahead,¡± Garth said soothingly. ¡°He¡¯s all yours.¡±


    Garth was fairly sure the goblin lookalike didn¡¯t understand English, but the tone of his voice conveyed meaning just as surely.


    The hunter-killer took a small bite at first, causing the goblin to shriek and thrash more, but when it¡¯s blood hit his creation¡¯s tongue, it shuddered with pleasure before opening its mouth unnaturally wide and clamping down on Pinky¡¯s throat.


    After it was halfway through eating Pinky, it pulled out the goblin¡¯s heartstone with a confused look. It knew it was supposed to do something with it, but it had only been alive a few minutes.


    It looked at Garth, perhaps hoping for advice.


    Garth put his index finger in his bellybutton.


    The Goblin-Killer looked down at its own bellybutton and curiously bumped the heartstone into it. it smiled in pleasure and kept at it, until finally it got the confidence to jam it in.


    The Goblin-Killer¡¯s eyes rolled back in pleasure again, and it gave Garth a wide grin as the goblin¡¯s Heartstone teleported across the room and plopped into the processing Plant with an audible plink. Perfect.


    ¡°GoodBoi!¡± Garth said, patting the smiling goblinoid with bloody meat chunks hanging from his teeth on the head. ¡°Go ahead and finish up your meal. Daddy need some rest.¡±


    Garth summoned a wooden lawn chair and collapsed into it. He wasn¡¯t showing any signs of recovery some fifteen minutes later. It was possible he¡¯d have to ditch this body.


    The goblin-Killer- no, I can¡¯t call him that forever¡­how about Mark one? Or Mark for short? Is it even a him?¡±


    Mark the Goblin-killer enthusiastically ate Pinky, and then Stinky, and then Wrinkly, shuddering in pleasure every time it jammed a heartstone through its belly-button.


    I really hope they don¡¯t start jamming random objects through there, Garth thought, melting into the lawn chair. He could picture them starting to fuck the belly hole with random objects, and that would totally gunk up the system. Well, not much I can do about it now.


    As Mark was finishing Wrinkly, he fell to the ground, moaning in pain.


    Yeah, I was wondering when he was gonna get a bellyache. That¡¯s a lot of goblin for one goblin.


    Then he started heaving.


    ¡°Oh come on, don¡¯t throw up on my phylactery-room floor!¡± Garth complained from his armchair, but he was totally exhausted, and getting up was a daunting task.


    Mark got onto his hands and knees and started to dry-heave, looking for all intents to be a sick cat with a hairball.


    Wait a minute¡­. it couldn¡¯t be.


    Mark¡¯s jaw swung open, his neck distending as he hacked up a baby Mark, about half his size.


    Freakin¡¯ placenta on the floor again¡­


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s an alarming rate of reproduction.¡± Garth said idly from his armchair. ¡°Guess that goblin penis is just for show.¡±


    Together Mark and Baby Mark ate the next five goblins, before Mark started dry heaving again. Baby Mark had already grown three inches.


    Garth tapped his fingers and glanced at the remaining four knives.


    I should probably hide those somewhere very, very safe.


    Garth had intentionally not mentioned goblins when he created the spell to allow for a bit of flexibility, and so whatever got stabbed by one of those ominous blades would be the subject of a genocide.


    That included humans.


    Garth put his chin on his fist, gaze locked to the four black blades. All he would have to do is kidnap a handful of elves¡­ maybe teach the hunter-killer advanced behavior before it just randomly went out and tried to kill them¡­


    Nah¡­


    As much as Garth wanted to commit genocide on the guys who had wronged him¡­.It seemed irresponsible without knowing the whole situation. Plus it seems like an interdimensional government that¡¯s been around tens of thousands of years might be the kind of people who have an answer for hunter-killers.


    Do I smell smoke?


    A flash of light caught Garth¡¯s attention to his right, and a six foot circle of the wall peeled away from a blazing circle of blue light that scalded his floor and ceiling.


    The slab of ironwood swung forward on a crackling hinge of ironwood, rolling up against the wall to reveal Caitlyn creeping into the room, the detached rails of his laser cutter behind her.


    She stepped cautiously inside, her eyes wide as her gaze flitted about the room, touching on the Processing Plant, the phylactery, his ritual circle, the carnage-smeared, uncaged flesh-eating goblins in the corner of the room.


    She stopped, her skin went pale, jaw hung open in an almost-scream.


    Mark and his two babies froze in the middle of devouring Kinky to study this strange new thing with an odd red mane and lumps on its chest.


    Garth raised a grey and wrinkled hand from his seat, gathering everyone¡¯s attention.


    ¡°She¡¯s harmless boys,¡± he said in a gentle tone to put everyone at ease, before addressing the girl. ¡°Caitlyn, there¡¯s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.¡±


    The withered lich said from his throne as his minions gorged themselves.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 8/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!


    P.S. just got done writing an Explicit chapter and imagine my surprise when like half the people said it was too tame!

 Chapter 152: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Ethical Kidnapping

    ¡°Can I help you?¡± Garth asked, barely able to restrain his irritation.


    ¡°Ah, sorry, umm, sir.¡± She stammered, her eyes flitting about the room, looking at a bunch of things she wasn¡¯t supposed to be looking at. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to-¡°


    Sir? Does she not know who I am? Garth glanced down at his grey-purple wrinkled skin. No, she does not. let¡¯s see what we can do with that.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t mean to what?¡± Garth demanded, deepening his voice and making it not-Garthy. ¡°Did you trip, disassemble the laser cutter and secure it to the wall? Then I suppose you sneezed and programmed it to cut a wide cone, which is the only kind of door that would have moved in a four foot-thick wall!¡±


    ¡°I just, um¡­wanted to see what was on the other side.¡± She said quietly.


    ¡°Well, now you have,¡± Garth said.


    If you little spores could produce a drug that depresses the part of the central nervous system that creates memories for the next say, twelve hours, that would be great.


    summoning mana around him, Garth created a channel of air with amnesia-causing spores. Not full-blown retrograde amnesia, just preventing the limbic system from doing it¡¯s job so great for a little while.


    It was just as Garth was creating his vaporized rophypnol that Tad entered the room behind Caitlyn.


    ¡°Hey I heard some weird stuff going on, What¡¯s¡­Whoah.¡± Tad¡¯s loose jaw hung open as he rubbernecked around Garth¡¯s most sensitive equipment.


    Seriously?


    Garth waved his hand, blasting Tad and Caitlyn in the face with the channel of drugged air. Now I have to move Tad¡¯s body too and I¡¯m weak as hell.


    Cleaning this door up is going to be a pain in the ass, Garth thought as he fixed the Caitlyn problem. I mean, that¡¯s at least a ton of hardwood right there, and if I ash it, I¡¯ll have maybe five hundred pounds of fluffy white ash to deal with. Maybe I can make it grow legs and walk itself out. Or cut it into manageable chunks, make those grow legs and walk out the front door.


    Garth had already moved on to cleanup mode when Caitlyn flinched and raised her hand. A gold bracelet on her wrist flared with light and a Force shield popped into place in front of her, turning the drug-laden wind away. Beside her, Tad drew a startled gasp before slumping to the ground.


    Oh right, she can see mana.


    ¡°What did you just try to do to me?¡± She whispered, looking down at Tad¡¯s collapsed form, her face missing that rosy hue Garth had gotten used to.


    Garth strained to lace his pruny fingers together, using his connection to the dungeon to spin his chair to fully face her. It might have been a mistake, since he wasn¡¯t wearing anything, but Caitlyn was already too alarmed for that to bother her.


    ¡°Well, Edward and I don¡¯t like people rudely breaking into parts of the house that are clearly not meant to be accessed, but unlike him, I¡¯m a generally nice guy. I¡¯ll just make it so you don¡¯t remember a moment of this, and you can go back to bed. If Edward finds out about this, he¡¯ll probably kill you.¡±


    ¡°So,¡± Garth said, leaning forward in his chair. ¡°Be a good girl and take a deep breath of the drugged air so we can move on.¡±


    With a casual effort of will, Garth dismantled the bracelet with thin strands of Force. The shield flickered out of existence, and the drugged air caught her across the face.


    Caitlyn¡¯s eyes widened, but she clenched her jaw and tried to turn, her face slamming against the newly repaired hole in the wall. The redheaded girl stumbled silently backwards and turned to face him.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to.¡± She said, using up her precious air.


    ¡°Obviously.¡±


    ¡°I want to know.¡±


    ¡°Want to know what?¡± Garth asked, but the girl stayed silent, eyes on the mana in the air that was swirling around her.


    Garth rolled his eyes and pushed the drugged air away from her, replacing it with clean, breathable air that wouldn¡¯t roofie her the moment she inhaled.


    ¡°Speak.¡±


    Caitlyn took a deep breath.


    ¡°I want to know what this is. How it works, how its made, what its history is.¡± She pointed at the ritual circle, the Processing Plant, the Phylactery and its interface. ¡°Things like this haven¡¯t existed on Earth since before the fall of man.¡±


    Garth scoffed.


    ¡°Wrong about that,¡± he said with a smile.


    ¡°Then tell me if I¡¯m wrong. I¡¯ve spent my whole life listening to fairy tales, stories about the magical things the ancients could do. Glass towers that scraped against the sky, giant metal machines that flew in the sky, part golem metal police officers who protected the citizens of Detroit. Now the door to all the things I¡¯ve dreamed of is sitting right in front of me. I have to take it.¡±


    Garth cleared his throat.


    ¡°That last one didn¡¯t actually happen. That was just a story.¡±


    ¡°Damn.¡± She lowered her voice, crestfallen. ¡°What about the flying machines?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, those were real.¡± Garth shrugged.


    A hint of a smile came back to her face.


    ¡°Well, if that¡¯s all you¡¯ve got to say¡­¡± Garth said, gathering the mana to put her to sleep.


    ¡°Wait!¡± Caitlyn squawked, pressing her back against the wall. ¡°I won¡¯t tell anyone, I promise, I just want to learn!¡±


    God, I hate it when people beg. Since it usually works on me. Garth wasn¡¯t the hardest hearted fellow in the world, especially when his victims had time to grovel. I suppose that¡¯s why groveling exists.


    ¡°I promise, I¡¯ll keep it a secret,¡± she sobbed, sliding down the wall.


    Oh, goddamnit, now she¡¯s crying. A lifetime of conditioning screamed in his ear to do anything to make a crying woman stop. Garth knew that was what was happening, but it didn¡¯t make it any easier to ignore.


    ¡°Look, there¡¯s a lot of people out there who can literally read minds, and I would bet anything some of them are in this Inquisition you¡¯re so afraid of, so your promise to keep a secret doesn¡¯t really hold water, does it?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll do anything! I¡­I don¡¯t even have to leave!¡± she said, her flecked green eyes upturned. ¡°Just let me learn!¡±


    Garth opened his mouth with a witty response, then closed it again. He rested his chin on his fist, considering the outcome.


    That might work. Creative kidnapping. If this time period is anything like the middle ages, it might not be entirely off the table to legally buy a child from their parents. I could bribe her family to just¡­let me have her.


    Garth glanced down at the slender redhead silently watching him deliberate.


    Plus nobody says I have to keep her prisoner forever. After just a couple years, I think I¡¯ll have enough power to allow her to leave without risking anything. And if the world finds out about my existence anywhere in that time, I could let her go, damage done.


    Like a foreign exchange student. That you buy from her parents. Her parents, who are probably under the assumption that you¡¯ll be raping her on a regular basis.


    Oy, this is tricky.


    ¡°Sir?¡±


    ¡°Hold on, I¡¯m thinking.¡±


    He could also use Operant Conditioning to make it more difficult for her to spill the beans, but woven through that thought was the temptation to be a general sleazeball and use it to train her according to his whims.


    Man, I¡¯m terrible, but I really, reeeeaally wanna do that. I could slowly open the door to a whole world of-


    Behind Garth¡¯s eyebrows, his superego went to war with his Wilson, while he struggled to find a compromise between the two. Garth knew that if he did curse her with the spell, there was every chance of Caitlyn losing her self-determination, becoming nothing more than a plaything, and that was bad.


    On the other hand, if he didn¡¯t do it, he would be constantly tempted to, and would probably wind up casting a version of the spell on her that was ill advised.


    Best thing to do might be to carefully set up a set of rules, and then run them by her. maybe a contract she can rip up if it gets too weird.


    Garth briefly recalled when he¡¯d reverse engineered the Inner Sphere Postal Service¡¯s targeting system, that allowed the mail to find someone anywhere in the multiverse with just a name.


    Garth had taken a slice of mythic core and mana-sensitive ink to pull the enchantment to the surface of the paper and create an outline of its shape. Good times.


    I could probably piggyback the spell onto a contract targeting her or something like that, so if she didn¡¯t like where things were going, she could rip it up.


    Not a bad compromise¡­That really just leaves the parents.


    ¡°Let me ask you a purely hypothetical question, Caitlyn.¡± Garth said.


    She swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded. ¡°...Okay.¡±


    ¡°In this day and age, how would I go about buying a girl from her parents? what¡¯s the social conventions there?¡±


    ¡°Sometimes, talented children are adopted or married across families to bring them closer together. The Chairs of the two houses will negotiate terms, then the Patriarchs of each family will review and then ratify them.¡±


    ¡°That seems long and complicated,¡± Garth said. ¡°Any way to speed that up?¡±


    ¡°In the case that a child¡¯s value to their family is greatly diminished, such as in the case of death, dismemberment, brain damage, or any other condition that renders the child unable to perform their duties, the responsible party must pay the Patriarch a penalty and take responsibility for the child¡¯s well-being.¡±


    ¡°Like, you broke it, you bought it?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure what that means.¡±


    Ugh, doesn¡¯t that mean I¡¯d still have to tell him that I caused irreparable harm to the guy¡¯s cute daughter? I¡¯m sure that¡¯d go over well. Maybe I can shift the blame a little, and wow them at the same time¡­ Garth¡¯s plan once they got back started percolating.


    ¡°Follow up hypothetical question. Does ¡®I¡¯ll do anything¡¯ include being stuck here for at least the next two years, and being subject to a rather invasive curse designed to modify your behavior and prevent you from speaking about my identity?¡±


    She met his eye and took a deep breath.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Excellent,¡± Garth said, rubbing his leathery hands together. ¡°Let¡¯s get started with the contract. Fetch me the paper from the corner over there, along with some of the scrap core outside.¡±


    ¡°Contract?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I want it written down on paper, so you understand everything that I¡¯ll be doing, and to define and limit the powers of the curse.¡±


    ¡°That sounds good, but what about Edward? Should I wake him?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m Edward.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°So you¡¯re the nine hundred year old wizard? That makes sense.¡± She said, glancing at his withered, impotent form. ¡°Is Edward just a puppet then? I¡¯ve never seen any mana entering him.¡±


    ¡°Less talky, more fetchy.¡± Garth said, using telekinesis to swat her on the butt, opening the wall to the work room.


    Caitlyn yelped and hustled out of the room.


    I really do need to switch bodies. Garth thought as he inspected himself. He ached everywhere, even his organs, but he needed to stay in this body until he¡¯d finished casting her Operant Conditioning. When he moved again, he¡¯d take another huge step backward in power.


    Garth glanced at the processing plant currently digesting the eleven goblin Heartstones. A tiny drip of liquid fell from the pipe, dropping down onto his Phylactery. The drop of liquid scintillated with the brilliant colors of the rainbow in the instant it hung in the air before spattering on the roots of his Phylactery.


    The strange drop of liquid looked a bit like the odd pink, blue and yellow rainbow colors of an oil slick a moment before the tree absorbed it. The sight brought a smile to his face. I really need to let Mark, Mike, and Ike out to play tomorrow. See what happens.


    At a certain point their exponential growth in numbers might overwhelm his ability to process the raw mana stones, but it would be an excellent problem to have.


    If there was one thing Garth appreciated, it was labor-saving automation.


    That¡¯s what being a wizard is about.


    *****


    ¡°Okay, I understand the panic attack if I try to tell people who you are, but I don¡¯t know who you are.¡± Caitlyn said, leafing through the long-winded NDA.


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t take you long.¡± Garth said, pointing over his shoulder at the Phylactery. ¡°What do you see?¡±


    ¡°Purple men in egg-fruits?¡± she asked.


    ¡°And who do you know that is purple?¡±


    ¡°Garthspawn¡­¡± Her brows furrowed in confusion for a while, then her eyes widened. ¡°Garth?¡±


    ¡°That wasn¡¯t that hard.¡± Garth said. ¡°Keep reading.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re Garth.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Keep reading.¡±


    ¡°The Dark Father of Sin.¡±


    ¡°People just call me that. My daughters were angels, I¡¯m sure.¡±


    Caitlyn was slowly backing away from him, eyes wide, breathing in short gasps.


    ¡°Oh come on, we made it this far. You were willing to trust a strange ancient entity whose identity was unclear with a free pass to alter your behavior, why are you making a big deal out of this now? I thought you wanted to know what really happened back then? Trust me, there¡¯s no one on earth who remembers the before-times better than me.¡±


    ¡°You caused the fall of man.¡± She said quietly.


    ¡°Lies.¡±


    ¡°You wiped out an entire city.¡±


    ¡°Total fabrication.¡±


    ¡°You carved an evil text into the backs of a thousand men.¡±


    ¡°What, like the Necronomicon?¡± Garth asked. ¡°First of all, there were only five hundred men, and it wasn¡¯t some evil ancient spellbook or something stupid like that. I had them write apology letters for attacking Clarkstown and then carved them into their backs. Standard stuff, really. I didn¡¯t even skin them.¡±


    ¡°C¡¯mon,¡± Garth said, exasperated at the typical fear response that had been driven into her by so many fairy tales that painted him as the devil. ¡°We both know I could have forced you to forget about all this, and to be brutally honest, you¡¯re not important enough for me to trick. This is me humoring your unbridled curiosity.¡±


    Garth leaned forward. ¡°Do you want to know everything that I know, or do you want to wake up tomorrow morning none the wiser? Choose.¡±


    Caitlyn began reading the contract again. ¡°What are major and minor positive and negative reinforcement?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you know, minor and major negative reinforcement are minor and major anxiety in response to a code phrase spoken by me, while positive reinforcement will allow the curse to stimulate the reward circuit in your brain, also to a code phrase. Don¡¯t worry, I can¡¯t actually see what you¡¯re thinking or alter it in any way. We¡¯re only concerned with behavioral psychology here. The minor positive reinforcement would be no different than say, getting patted in the head by your dad for doing a good job, or a hug from someone you like.¡±


    ¡°What about the major positive reinforcement.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯ll probably barely use it,¡± Garth said dismissively.


    ¡°But what is it?¡± she persisted.


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s just a teensy, tiny,¡± Garth coughed into his hand, ¡°Orgasm.¡±


    Caitlyn¡¯s brows climbed her forehead while her eyes narrowed, looking at him with a bit of disdain. ¡°You really are a dirty old man, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Bah, judge me if you want, just keep reading the contract.¡±


    Once Caitlyn read through the entire thing, she finally agreed to two years of house arrest and allowed him to cast Operant Conditioning on her after signing.


    ¡°I don¡¯t feel any different?¡± she said once the spell took root inside her.


    ¡°Because I haven¡¯t done anything.¡±


    ¡°I was half afraid you were going you were going to start toying with me the moment the spell took.¡± She let out a relieved sigh and brushed back her messy red locks.


    ¡°Pfft,¡± Garth scoffed.  ¡°You gotta use that shit slowly and sparingly. Especially since I¡¯m not drugging you like headmaster Gloria.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Aaaanyway,¡± Garth said, changing the subject. ¡°Can I borrow that pistol of yours?¡±


    In an odd move, Caitlyn pulled up her nightgown, revealing her long, slender legs. Garth¡¯s gaze unconsciously climbed up them until he spotted something leather and steel strapped to her leg.


    ¡°No way, you sleep with that thing?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a dangerous world.¡± She said, handing the pistol strapped to her leg to him.


    Wonder why she didn¡¯t pull it on me. She was probably pretty close to it, though.


    ¡°I appreciate it,¡± Garth said the minor trigger as he received the gun, causing Caitlyn to smile dreamily for a moment before she frowned, brows furrowed.


    ¡°Was that a code phrase?¡± she asked, squinting at him suspiciously.


    ¡°Don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about,¡± Garth said, putting the barrel of the gun to his eyeball.


    ¡°Wait!-¡°


    He pulled the trigger.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 9/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 153: Hold my Liver

    Garth dropped four feet to the hard-packed earth, slapped his hands against the ground, tucked himself into a forward roll, and came up with jazz hands, naked save for the bits of placenta-like material clinging to him here and there.


    ¡°Tada!¡± Garth exclaimed with his body¡¯s first breath, his fingers fluttering.


    Caitlyn was kneeling over Garth¡¯s pruny corpse, sobbing her eyes out. She suddenly became very still. Her alone head turned towards him and Garth could almost feel a creaking sound as she did. Ooh, maybe she didn¡¯t think it was funny.


    On his current, second consideration, Garth expected Caitlyn to be mad, or terrified, but it didn¡¯t turn out that way.


    He was way off.


    Caitlyn took one look at him, turned green and puked all over his valuable corpse.


    ******


    ¡°This is probably right up there in the category of weirdest things I¡¯ve ever done.¡± Garth muttered, sawing through his pruny corpse¡¯s stomach.


    Garth wanted to see what his heartstone looked like, or if his corpse even had one.


    Getting to it was almost impossible. Once the body was dead, his newly designed blood-armor had frozen up inside him, turning the entire body into a resin statue with carbon-reinforced bones. Garth grunted, peeling the tough, bio-weave reinforced skin away from the muscles and starting on the abdomen.


    Caitlyn was standing off to the side, trying to hold her lunch in.


    Probably should have asked Alicia to help dissect myself.


    ¡°Jesus¡­Christ.¡± Garth panted, sawing away with all his strength. ¡°I...Pity¡­the¡­fool.¡±


    Once Garth was through the abdomen, he studied the guts for a moment.


    ¡°Come check this out.¡± Garth called over his shoulder. ¡°Well there¡¯s your problem right there,¡± Garth said like a car mechanic, wiping the sweat from his brow before tapping the withered organs riddled with black spots as Mike and Ike watched curiously. Caitlyn was looking a little green.


    ¡°Internal organs are all fucked up,¡± Garth said, pointing out his liver, which looked like a bug had chewed away large chunks and shat on other spots. Garth tapped on the guts again, his saw making a Clink!


    They were hard as a rock.


    Only one way to get through this.


    Garth made a wooden pry-bar and started chipping away at his corpse¡¯s abdomen, having to clamp the body down with wood to fight the extreme torque.


    ¡°Here, we...gooo.¡± Garth grunted as he finally got the prybar behind his liver and hauled back on it with all his strength.


    Finally his liver snapped out of place, rattling around in his solidified torso. Garth bent down and picked it up, offering it to Caitlyn.


    ¡°Here, hold my liver.¡±


    ¡°No, that¡¯s okay.¡± Caitlyn said, backing away again. It was probably for the best. Garth didn¡¯t want to have to clean vomit off of himself again.


    The concept behind the congealed blood that hardening his abdominal cavity into a resin cast had been that when he was hurt, his blood could form a protective coating on the outside of his body. Extra armor where it was needed while he healed. Exactly like a scab, but much faster and stronger.


    In this case though, it made dissecting himself infinitely more difficult.


    After half an hour of sweaty labor overseen by the three goblin Hunter-Killers, Garth finally withdrew his heartstone.


    ¡°Hah!¡± Garth shouted triumphantly, holding the gem into the light.


    The stone leaned toward purple, with a high clarity, a bit bigger than his thumb.


    ¡°Not bad,¡± Garth muttered, cleaning it off before swallowing it. A warmth spread from his chest to every corner of his being as the heartstone kicked in faster than he¡¯d ever experienced.


    Kinda makes sense, though. It being mine, after all.


    ¡°Is magic always so¡­¡± Caitlyn looked around the room, covered in blood and gore, placenta and bile. ¡°Messy?¡±


    ¡°Well, Cait, can I call you Cait? I happen to be aligned with a goddess of life, and life is messy. I imagine if I was the apostle of the goddess of fire, my secret lair would be a lot cleaner. Maybe a bit more charred, though.¡±


    Achievement unlocked, Garth thought, putting his hand on the phylactery interface. Eat your heartstone out.


    The powerful scanner flared to life, Garth¡¯s information filling the window as Caitlyn tried to peer over his shoulder.


    Garth Daniels


    Advanced Phyto-Human


    Apostle of Beladia & Pala


    -Strength- 14


    -Endurance- 14


    -Speed- 16


    -Intelligence- 22


    -Memory- 22


    -Senses- 20


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility, Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Affinity


    Class: Journeyman Phytolich*


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting, Divine Lantern Style, Create Life, Divine Channeling*


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin, Cleanse


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind, Mind palace, Memory Lane, Plant Biology, Control Weather, Racial Advancement.


    Oh, that¡¯s good, I only lost 20% of my gains, not including the little boost I got from the higher starting point. It¡¯s almost like I didn¡¯t die. Recycling the heartstone is the way to go.


    Apparently I got Channel Divinity and another tier of Phytolich just now. Did the gods see something I didn¡¯t? Maybe this winds up solving the goblin problem, and they know it.


    Garth thumbed his chin. I wonder if I could become a legendary creature then eat my own heartstone for a bonus?  He shook his head. Probably defeats the point.


    ¡°If you wanted to get to your heartstone, why not use the laser cutter?¡± Caitlyn asked from his shoulder, where she was peeking at his status. Rude.


    ¡°If you must know¡­¡± Garth paused. Damnit, that would have been way easier. ¡°I wanted to stress test various parts of my body without having to.. you know, be in the body while I did. It¡¯ll help me get a real handle on what my body can take without doing it to myself.¡±


    My reinforced femurs might actually make good weapons. Use every part of the Garth. A sinister idea occurred to Garth as he glanced over at his own body. Is it too macabre to make a fancy cane out of my own leg bones? Nah.


    ¡°I see, that makes sense,¡± she nodded.


    ¡°Speaking of the laser cutter, I want you to reassemble that thing, make a cover for its exposed wiring, and clean up this mess!¡±


    She stared at him with a confused expression.


    ¡°You wanna learn you gotta work! Chop chop!¡±


    Caitlyn started, and then got to work getting the machine put back together.


    Ah, interns.


    In the meantime, Garth had to make her an enchantment for her to fake a grievous injury.


    Well, at least my body isn¡¯t actually tired. Garth gave himself a whiff. Still got that fresh-body smell.


    At this rate, I¡¯m going to be out of bodies in less than a year, Garth thought, looking around his dungeon.


    Well, can¡¯t forget about the minor details.


    Garth made a heat and cold generating plant that kept the cave at the ideal temperature, then he created little tufts of grass beside the air intakes that used magic to move wind from one side to the other, un-stifling the air supply.


    Garth turned back to the phylactery¡¯s control panel and checked the incubation time.


    Incubation time: 13.5 years.


    Well, shaved off two years, so that¡¯s nice.


    Garth opened up the options menu and cranked up the age of his clones to twenty-five. No more waking up in the body of a teenager. At least, not if he could help it.


    Incubation time: 22.5 Years.


    Hmm¡­ Looks like we need to up our speed here, a little.


    That and¡­ had ingesting raw heartstones forever tainted Garth¡¯s phylactery and prevented him from reaching the most powerful state he possibly could? Garth¡¯s gaze flickered up to the slowly healing brown spot in the bark. I suppose that depends on a few things. If my phylactery has a heartstone, and if it can be tainted.


    Garth had never actually seen a physical symptom of heartstone poisoning, no discoloration, or anything like that. Maybe if his phylactery could shed the negative effects, as it seemed to be doing, it could recover just as good as new.


    To that effect¡­


    Garth directed the dungeon to create a climbing vine that spiraled its way up his Phylactery, a symbiotic plant designed to draw out any badness it could filter out, and shed that with small fruit. An extra immune system.


    Oh right. Speeding up the process. Just make a haste spell that effects the room. shouldn¡¯t be hard. Should be good for keeping the Processing Plant abreast of Mark¡¯s heartstone output too.


    Garth instructed the dungeon create a plant in the center of the room, shaped like a throne, that could concentrate time mana locally, and a sharp pain jabbed through his temples.


    Feels like a ¡®no¡¯. Garth thought, holding his head. Garth wasn¡¯t sure if it was beyond the powers of the dungeon, or simply because he¡¯d overused them recently. Or maybe it was just cuz I wanted a throne.


    I¡¯ll come back to that later, Garth thought, allowing the ice pick headache to fade away.


    Still got one Mythic Core left, but I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s what I want to use it for. I can probably design a plant to do channel Time mana when I¡¯ve got more power.


    Garth turned and patted Mark on the head, squatting down to eye level with his murderous children. For some reason it seemed to improve his Create Life skill when he treated his creations like his children. Go figure.


    ¡°Hey there Mark. Yeah, that¡¯s your name. I hope you don¡¯t come to resent me for making you the way that you are, and if you ever find yourself truly wanting to be something more than what I¡¯ve made you to be, come pay me a visit, okay?¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°But if everything worked out, you should find nothing in life more fulfilling than infiltrating goblin nests and eating them from the inside out. And who knows, maybe when you¡¯re ready to retire, you can become the chieftain of a little tribe in the middle of nowhere, and hunt them for leisure.¡±


    Garth patted Mark on the shoulder, and the Goblin-looking thing gave him a toothy grin.


    ¡°Let me show you where to get started.¡±


    Garth motioned for the three of them to follow him, and waved to Caitlyn on the way out.


    ¡°Be right back!¡±


    Caitlyn nodded, absorbed with putting the cutter back together.


    Garth led the three goblinoids out the front of the dungeon, cast Forestwalk on them and guided them to the most recent place they¡¯d run into goblins. Garth and Alicia hadn¡¯t gotten all of them. Plenty of the vermin had gotten away, and would eventually regroup here, so this wasn¡¯t a bad place to start.


    Garth was distressed at the horrendous smell of the nest, but Mark, Mike, and Ike seemed to be excited. They inspected everything, smelling stuff Garth wouldn¡¯t touch with a ten-foot pole, drooling hungrily.


    ¡°Bring it in, boys.¡± Garth said, motioning them to come closer and kneeling.


    ¡°I have to leave you here. I can¡¯t be with you for the rest of your lives.¡±


    Mark gave him puppy eyes, brimming with tears.


    ¡°Trust me, you¡¯ll have a happier life doing what you were meant to do. It¡¯s just that hunting goblins and eating them isn¡¯t what I¡¯m meant to do.¡±


    Mark gave him a wide stare, as if surprised.


    ¡°I know, I¡¯m a terrible father, but there comes a time when you gotta harden your heart and put your kids on the bus to school.¡±


    He clapped Mark on the shoulder.


    ¡°Little man, you¡¯re gonna do great. Listen to your teacher, watch your behavior in public, and if one of the other kids gives you a hard time, kick them in the balls and eat them.¡±


    Garth stood up and began walking away, and Mark looked torn between following him and continuing to investigate the intriguing-smelling empty nest with his progeny.


    With one final look, Mark turned to investigate the goblin warren.


    Just a stray group of gobs looking for a new home, nothing to see here, Garth thought, wiping a tear from his eye as he left.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 10/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 154: The last Morning

    ¡°Good morning!¡± Garth said, marching in front of the lined-up recruits, his cane jabbing into the dew-covered Grass ahead of him as he walked. ¡°The teens I¡¯ve got locked up in my dungeon are still asleep, so I¡¯ve got time to come take a look at your training.¡±


    ¡°Some of you may be wondering where I got this beautiful cane.¡± Garth held up the wrinkled leg with the ball of a femur sticking out of it, showing it to the pale young men who hadn¡¯t looked away from it for a while now. ¡°Long story short, I got tired after removing the leg and decided to just run with it.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry though,¡± Garth said, pacing the opposite direction when he made it to the end of the line. ¡°He was already dead and totally okay with it.¡±


    ¡°Now,¡± Garth said. ¡° Since I¡¯m here today, I thought we could do something fun. I¡¯ll be a part of your exercise, VIP protection. I¡¯ll be playing the role of the valuable liaison between our organization and a large distributing family. You¡¯re going to split up into two groups, and each defender is going to be given one Garthspawn, and each attacker is going to have one Mrs. Banyan. This represents the discrepancy in information. Attackers will always have their shit together, knowing exactly what the defenders are doing, while defenders are out in the open, never knowing when they¡¯ll get hit.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll be using these paint covered blades, bows and crossbows to make the attempt,¡± Garth said, pointing. ¡°And the stage will be the mansion of a rich and powerful family.¡±


    ¡°Fred, You¡¯re a defender. You already proved you¡¯re good at trying to kill me, let¡¯s expand your horizons. Juan, Zack, you¡¯re with him. The other three take your weapons and pair off with a Mrs. Banyan. Any questions?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, why do you look different?¡± Fred asked.


    ¡°I shaved my head,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Naw your face changed a little, and you¡¯re taller.¡±


    ¡°Good eye. It¡¯s a growth spurt.¡± Garth lied. ¡°I¡¯m super hungry all the time and my body aches where I can feel the bones stretching. It¡¯s awful.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Fred said, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. Garth was approaching six feet tall, already three inches taller than he¡¯d been as an adult, and he didn¡¯t plan on stopping until he could look down on his baby brother again.


    Things were starting to look small. No wonder tall people tended to have big egos.


    ¡°I got a question,¡± Juan said. ¡°Where¡¯s the mansion?¡±


    ¡°Mrs. Banyan, if you would?¡±


    A circle of Mrs. Banyan formed around an empty plot of Grass and raised their hands as one. A hurricane of green mana swirled in from every direction, and gigantic wooden stilts erupted from the ground, causing minimal damage to Grass before unfurling into an enormous mansion. Mrs. Banyan had learned some tricks while Garth was gone. How could she not?


    Eight hundred years is a long time.


    Is she stronger than me? Quite possible. Her biggest limitation was being unable to leave her real body too far behind.


    Three Garthspawn stepped forward to help out, and together, the seven of them walked up the wooden stairs of the mansion.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s get to work.¡± Garth tottered up the stairs with his cane putting his best foot forward.


    Once they got into the mansion¡¯s foyer, Fred turned to face the Garthspawn. ¡°Can any of you turn invisible?¡± He asked.


    One of the three girls raised her hand.


    ¡°Alright, take your knife, turn invisible, and go out one of the windows and pick them off from behind. The rest of us are gonna stay with Edward at a spot that¡¯s real hard to get to, third floor, end of the hall. It¡¯ll give her more time to pick them off.¡±


    ¡°Says who?¡± Juan said, snagging a Garthspawn by the elbow. ¡°Me and her are gonna patrol the halls. The place is too big to just sit in one spot.¡±


    ¡°I wanna be with Fred,¡± The black-haired, slender Garthspawn said, shrugging out of Juan¡¯s grasp and glomping Fred. He looked highly uncomfortable.


    Zack and the other Garthspawn were wandering away from them, gawking at the marvelous darkwood mansion with beautiful carvings, while it looked like a fist-fight was about to break out between Fred and Juan.


    Oh, my god. I had no idea it was this bad.


    Garth dragged his hands over his face and cleared his throat. ¡°Obviously one weekend isn¡¯t enough to make you lifelong friends, but you guys have a lot of balls to pull this shit in front of me. I think we need more team-building exercises. Pushups.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Juan asked.


    Clarion Call


    ¡°Pushups! Every single one of you! Drop to the ground and start doing pushups until I tell you to stop.¡±


    Garth lined them up and put the remaining five people to work doing pushups.


    ¡°Now, in every group, there has to be a leader. I¡¯m not going to dick around and put it to a vote or try to spare your feeling, in this particular case that¡¯s going to be Fred.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± Juan grunted between pushups.


    ¡°Because you got grabby with one of the Garthspawn, but mostly because Fred spoke first. Don¡¯t worry, each of you is going to get plenty of opportunities to take the lead over the next few months.¡±


    ¡°And you,¡± Garth said, pointing to the slender girl straining to do a single pushup. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Heather, sir.¡±


    ¡°Heather, did you think this would be a good opportunity to sneak away and make out with Fred over here? I¡¯ve heard Garthspawn¡¯s biological imperatives are fairly strong, but I don¡¯t give a shit. I expect professionalism. We aren¡¯t in a high school P.E. class, this is military discipline.¡±


    Garth turned to Zack and the blonde Garthspawn, quietly doing pushups.


    ¡°And what the hell were you doing wandering off like that? I need protection, not the damn architecture!¡±


    A whizzing noise came from one of the side halls, and a red- covered arrow splattered Garth¡¯s clothes with paint.


    ¡°See, case in point! Alright, up, we¡¯re going back to the practice yard.¡±


    Garth grabbed all six recruits and three Garthspawn and lined them up in the practice yard. The girl who could harness a Succubi¡¯s invisibility had a red paint mark across her torso, while two of the attackers had red marks on their necks.


    Apparently she¡¯d almost gotten all three of them, but Mrs. Banyan had used her wireless communication to inform the last one and he¡¯d caught her by surprise.


    Then the guy had free reign to waltz in the window and snipe Garth from the hallway.


    This will serve as a good Before picture, Garth thought, watching the men Paul had selected for him running while carrying a litter filled with rocks.


    ¡°So what do you think?¡± Mrs. Banyan asked.


    ¡°I think we¡¯ve got a bunch of hotheads. Make them into leaders, establish a chain of command, and integrate the Garthspawn with any fighting experience into it. Focus on team building exercises, the more strenuous and difficult the better. When I visit again, I want them to jump in front of bullets for each other.¡±


    ¡°Once they respect and work well with each other, give them teams, and start larger exercises. I may have been over-enthusiastic with the book learning. Trim it down to the necessary until they aren¡¯t starting fights with each other at the drop of a hat.¡±


    ¡°Teams of Garthspawn?¡±


    ¡°Not like we have anything else,¡± Garth muttered. ¡°Just try to make sure they can keep it in their pants when they have to. Also, recruit Garthspawn for Special Forces, make Sheath the leader. A group of ninjas could come in handy.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± she said, nodding.


    ¡°Next time I visit, I expect them to have their shit together.¡±


    Mrs. Banyan saluted with a comically severe expression. ¡°Yes, sir!¡±


    ¡°When did you learn sass?¡±


    Mrs. Banyan winked.


    ****


    Garth got back to the house deep in the plant-dungeon just an hour after the sunrise, sliding his overcoat off and hanging it up.


    There was light coming from the kitchen, and Garth followed it to find Tad sitting at the counter, eating eggs and a blueberry pie.


    ¡°Morning.¡± Garth said, sliding up beside him.


    ¡°Mornin¡¯¡± Tad said between bites.


    Blueberry pie sounds damn good.


    ¡°May I have pie as well, Mrs. Banyan?¡±


    ¡°Coming right up!¡± the Banyan behind the counter said, taking the pie out of the oven and slicing a chunk out for Garth.


    ¡°Vanilla Ice cream too, please.¡±


    ¡°Sure!¡±


    Banyan opened up the freezer and scooped out a dollop of ice cream for Garth¡¯s pie, putting it in front of Garth while Tad stared with wide eyes.


    ¡°The hell is that?¡± he asked.


    ¡°What, have you never had ice cream with your pie? Must be a twenty-ninth century thing.¡±


    ¡°Ice cream.¡± Tad said, pushing his plate forward. Half a minute later he was groaning in pleasure as he ate the hot pie and the cold cream at the same time.


    Once Tad was done devouring his desert, he tapped Garth on the shoulder.


    ¡°Something I wanted to show you,¡± he said, turning away and heading towards the workshop.


    They walked into the workshop, a wave of heat washing over them as they entered. Tad made a beeline for his experiments, and pulled out a handful of petri dishes, one of which was filled with some kind of silvery sludge, and others with pieces of the light-bending fabric.


    ¡°So I¡¯ve made some progress,¡± he said. ¡°I wasn¡¯t getting any changes with just heat, or just chemicals, and on a whim I mixed a couple, and they made the webbing dissolve.¡± He pointed at the silvery puddle in the petri dish.¡±


    ¡°Then I tried diluting them, and I got this.¡± He said, putting a petri dish under the microscope and showing Garth. The fraying ends of the web seemed to have melted a bit back into the web proper. Not as much as the Williams secret method, but better than before.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t gotten any better than that, and it makes the fabric a little stiff and crumbly if the mix is wrong.¡± Tad scratched his head. ¡°I dunno what I¡¯m missing.¡±


    Garth¡¯s eyes slid back to the puddle of goop in the first petri dish.


    ¡°I think you should consider working with this material.¡± He said using a stick to poke at the slime. The silvery substance was extremely viscous, sliming up the stick, and dangling four feet long above the table as Garth held it up to the light.


    ¡°That?¡± Tad asked. ¡°That¡¯s slime.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯d be surprised how often things look nothing like the finished product until the very end. Don¡¯t let yourself be limited to thinking you have to make your perfect fabric in only one step. I suggest subjecting this stuff to some kind of mechanical separation process to line all the strands up together. That¡¯s what slime is, after all, long, microscopic chains of molecules clumped together.¡±


    Garth considered for a moment. ¡°Maybe I need to make you something like a taffy puller.¡±


    ¡°Huh, I guess.¡± Tad said giving the slime a sideways glance.


    After he and Tad had been chatting for awhile, Caitlyn and Alicia entered the room, fresh from breakfast, and sporting small amounts of pie at the corner of their mouths.


    Alicia took her place in her chair, closing her eyes and single-mindedly trying to channel mana. Her brows furrowed, as there was less swirling around her than there had been the day before, owing to Garth using two of the three mythic cores. What had once been a swirling vortex of loose, fluffed energy ripe for the taking, was now a humming, dense pool of mana on the floor.


    Alicia didn¡¯t ask Garth what had happened, instead simply tightening her jaw and working harder at controlling the mana around her.


    Caitlyn shot Garth a look and went to the laser cutter with the last of the core slices he¡¯d bought from her dad, settling it on the cutter and starting to program in her next project.


    Everything¡¯s going good then. Wonder when I¡¯ll have a chance to make that X-ray vision enchantment. There should be enough left even after ¨C


    Garth¡¯s thoughts were interrupted by Caitlyn¡¯s full throated scream of pain.


    Macronomicon


    Okie dokie, hold onto your hats, ''cuz I''m dumping on you like it''s some kind of weird sex thing.


    This is chapter 11/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 155: You Break her, you buy Her

    Shouts of alarm made Garth jump in place almost before he knew what was going on.


    ¡°Put pressure on it!¡± He heard Alicia shout.


    I really hope that¡¯s our cover story and not an actual emergency. Trope-wise, this is where something actually bad happens.


    Caitlyn¡¯s shriek of pain was all he needed to hear.


    Not a bad scream.


    Garth turned and ran to the laser cutter, just behind Tad, who seemed even more on the ball than the guy who was expecting the commotion.


    When they arrived, Caitlyn was clutching her right hand, a bloody cloth wound around it. The laser cutter was locked into Band-saw mode, and just outside its range was the fake half a hand he¡¯d made earlier that night, silently smoking.


    Caitlyn was leaning against the cutter¡¯s heavy base, moaning in pain as she shook, really selling it.


    ¡°What happened?¡± Tad demanded as he came near to Alicia and Caitlyn.


    ¡°She slipped and the cutter went through her hand!¡± Alicia said, before glancing at Garth. ¡°Can you put the fingers back on, with your magic?¡±


    ¡°Let me see!¡± Garth said, stepping forward and inspecting the quarter of a fake hand. ¡°Shit, it¡¯s cauterized, I can¡¯t put this back on! Get out of the way, let me stop the bleeding!¡± Hopefully the two other kids don¡¯t realize that it should have been cauterized on both sides, and that stopping the bleeding shouldn¡¯t have been that hard.


    Garth knelt down and pushed Alicia out of the way, and wrapped his hands around Caitlyn¡¯s wound, channeling Heal into her hand to stop the bleeding of the cut along her stump.


    The secret to their charade was a laser-etched polymorph enchantment that he¡¯d thrown together the night before. All it did was truncate her right fingers and a quarter of her palm, making it seem like she had lost them in a tragic table-saw accident.


    As soon as she took it off, her hand returned to normal.


    You break it, you buy it. Garth thought, trying to suppress a smile as he unwrapped Caitlyn¡¯s hand. I wonder how many more teenagers I could con out of ¨C Garth ended that unhealthy train of thought and refocused on his performance.


    In order to get blood, Caitlyn had cut her side of her stub-hand, pretty deeply. It served as an unofficial last test of Caitlyn¡¯s willingness to go the distance. Garth might have had reservations about taking her under his wing if she didn¡¯t have the guts for a little self-harm.


    The wound was gone, and all that was left was a stumpy, malformed hand with only a thumb and a truncated index finger remaining.


    Caitlyn¡¯s eyes widened at the sight, and she began to shudder, silently sobbing, face wrinkling up into an ugly cry.


    Damn. She¡¯s a much better actress than I thought.


    ¡°I want to go home.¡± She whimpered.


    The trip back home was a lot more glum than Garth had expected. Alicia acted like she didn¡¯t care, but Garth could tell by the way she fidgeted in the corner of the wagon that she had been affected. Tad was trying to make Caitlyn feel better, telling her about all the uncles and aunts with missing body parts who¡¯d gone on to achieve success.


    Garth had felt that gagging them at this point would have been cruel, but it would have saved them from Tad¡¯s anecdotes about Aunt Stumpy.


    All three teens were wearing their hoods, so Tad could only tell that Caitlyn wasn¡¯t responding to him, so after a while, he stopped talking, leaving the rattling wagon silent.


    Caitlyn, for her part, seemed pretty relaxed, propping her head up on his leg and snoring softly.


    How can she go from puking up over a simple suicide/self-dissection, to being perfectly relaxed faking an injury? Maybe Caitlyn had talent as an actor.


    Tad probably thought the one snoring was the callous Alicia, Alicia probably thought it was Garth. With their hoods on, they were in the dark, figuratively and literally.


    Garth had briefly considered leaving Caitlyn¡¯s hood off, but with everything she already knew about him, knowing exactly where his phylactery was was too much.


    A Garth¡¯s gotta have some secrets.


    Once they got into town, Garth took off their hoods and let them go their separate ways, keeping Caitlyn company as she went back to her family. Garth wasn¡¯t really expecting any major surprises, but it was best to keep his eye on the teenage girl until he could get her safely locked away in his basement. Make sure she didn¡¯t try to escape.


    Hmm¡­ my thoughts are sounding pretty dubious.


    He and Caitlyn got to the Mcdonnell mansion in the early evening, when the sun was just starting to redden the buildings around them.


    The Mcmansion was a new money sort of thing, with elegant art, a nice lawn, and well-manicured bushes in the shape of mythical creatures ¨C which may no longer be mythical ¨C but none of it was particularly old.


    Garth strode up to the front door with Caitlyn beside him and rang the doorbell. Which in this case was an actual bell on a rope. An elegant bell on an elegant rope, but still.


    ¡°Caity, you¡¯re back!¡± The door burst open and a small child tackled Caitlyn across the midriff. The teen took that sudden headbutt with grace and poise, patting the child on the head. The little girl seemed to share her coloration, sporting a mane of flaming red hair.


    ¡°Anne, could you get Father for me, I¡¯ve got to talk to him, It¡¯s important.¡±


    ¡°On it!¡± The tyke shouted at full volume before stomping away.


    ¡°I see they fixed the porch.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure price was no object.¡±


    Garth chuckled.


    Caitlyn guided Garth to the sitting room, and a minute later, Caitlyn¡¯s father showed up, scanning her with his gaze, lingering on the hand she kapt tucked in her pocket.


    ¡°So,¡± Curt said, sitting on the flowery upholstery across from them. ¡°How was your trip?¡±


    ¡°I learned more than I ever imagined I could!¡± Caitlyn said, her voice brimming with enthusiasm. ¡°Edward taught me about the concept behind something called a rail-gun, I made a lot of improvements to my pistol, and I made a cannon that can shoot through four feet of solid steel!¡±


    ¡°Almost. It took two shots, remember,¡± Garth corrected, content to let her take the lead as he sipped the tea.


    ¡°I see. Anything else?¡± Curt asked. Garth wasn¡¯t expecting Caitlyn to spill the real beans, but he got his forget-me-stick ready just in case.


    Caitlyn, talented actress that she was, fidgeted in her seat, looking highly uncomfortable. Or maybe she was, lying to her dad. Either way it lended itself nicely to the performance.


    ¡°I¡­kind of hurt myself.¡±


    ¡°That why your hand is still in your pocket?¡± Curt asked, raising a bushy red brow. ¡°Show me.¡±


    ¡°Now, dad, promise not to panic,¡± Caitlyn said, giving him a cautious look.


    ¡°I don¡¯t panic. I¡¯m the Mcdonnell family¡¯s rock.¡± He said, sipping his tea.


    ¡°I know how you are. Promise.¡±


    ¡°Fine, I promise,¡± Curt finally said, rolling his eyes.


    ¡°Not to panic.¡±


    ¡°I promise not to panic.¡± The Patriarch had a hint of anger in his tone, now.


    Caitlyn pulled her stumpy right hand into her father¡¯s line of sight.


    Curt dropped the teacup in his hand, splattering the liquid everywhere before scrambling over the short coffee table between them, knocking the teapot aside to get a closer look at her hand. The delicate porcelain teapot shattered on the floor. Picture of calm, this guy.


    ¡°By all the gods!¡± he shouted into the stub-hand, holding it directly in front of himself like a microphone.


    ¡°You¡¯ve ruined her! You¡¯ve ruined her whole life!¡± He turned towards Garth and shoved the truncated hand under Garth¡¯s nose, dragging Caitlyn along for the ride.


    ¡°It¡¯s not his fault! I got careless working on Ed¡¯s cutter on Band-saw mode. It was just an accident!¡± Caitlyn protested as Garth stared into Mr. McDonnell¡¯s bulging eyes.


    ¡°No,¡± Garth said, deciding now was the time to step in and ingratiate himself a bit. ¡°It was my responsibility! She was in my home, using my equipment, it¡¯s my fault!¡±


    And there we¡¯ve opened the door. The other party has to admit that it¡¯s my fault for the purchase to be valid.


    ¡°Damn right it is you little bastard. You see if the Mcdonnel family ever gives you the time of day again. You¡¯ve ruined one of our best enchanters! Aahh, Caitlyn, I¡¯ll find a way to fix you! I¡¯ll get started on a prosthesis tonight!¡±


    ¡°Look, I¡¯m willing to take pay for this, let me take responsibility for fixing her up.¡± Along with legal ownership. ¡°I just want to make up for the damage I¡¯ve caused.¡±


    ¡°As if I¡¯d let you anywhere near my gumdrop, butcher!¡± Curt shouted, dragging Caitlyn up and away from the couch, hyperventilating. Gumdrop?


    Caitlyn¡¯s expression was frozen in horror, and her face was bright red as her father drew her into a protective swaddle. It looked like her father¡¯s overprotectiveness had exceeded her acting ability, but the man was already too far gone to notice.


    I¡¯d hate to see what he looks like when he hasn¡¯t been warned.


    ¡°Katie! Samantha! Garneeeet!¡±


    Caitlyn¡¯s aunts bustled into the room, gasping and passing Caitlyn¡¯s hand between the three of them while shooting Garth the odd glare. Every single one of them was a lovely woman with bright red hair.


    As an odd aside, I guess that means that Garthspawn are excellent for preserving rare genetic traits like red hair.


    ¡°How could you do this-


    ¡°Do you know what you-


    ¡°She¡¯s going to wind up-


    The accusations went from one angry voice to four in a matter of seconds, the wave of vitriol forcing Garth back on his heels. Maybe I won¡¯t do this more than once. It¡¯s not worth it. Actually, the Dentons might take this a lot better than the Mcdonnells, but I think Alicia wants to run the family to badly to agree to the sham.


    This plot to buy a teenage girl from her family didn¡¯t work without the girl¡¯s assistance.


    ¡°Please! Stop bickering over me!¡± Caitlyn said, pushing away from the adults fawning over her. I can still work, with the tool Ga ¨C Edward made for me.¡±


    Case in point.


    ¡°What do you mean you can still work? you can¡¯t even hold a drafting tool, let alone an engraver.¡±


    Time to pick up Caitlyn¡¯s lead.


    ¡°I think the thing that caused this problem can also fix it. I¡¯ve got something that should let Caitlyn explore her curiosity just as well as she could before her injury. Won¡¯t you come take a look?¡±


    A couple minutes later they were standing outside, staring at the laser cutter sitting in the grass, speechless


    ¡°See, dad?¡± Caitlyn said, holding up a heart shape cut out of wood in a matter of seconds. ¡°I dare you to cut faster than me.¡±


    ¡°How, umm¡­¡± Curt said, trying to process what he just saw. ¡°How do we know that that¡¯s not the only thing it can do?¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± Garth said, pointing at Caitlyn, ¡°Give her a request.¡±


    ¡°A NAND logic gate.¡± Curt barked. Caitlyn turned back to the cutter and started programming the shape. It was clunky and required a lot of math, but the girl had a good head on her shoulders, and her increased intelligence made it easier than it should have been.


    It took a few minutes to program.


    ¡°I could have carved one by now,¡± Curt said, arms crossed, scowling. ¡°I fail to see how-¡°


    ¡°How many would you like?¡± Caitlyn asked, flipping the switch. With a flare of light, the laser cut the logic gate in into the heart shape in a couple seconds. She stopped the laser, readjusted the starting point, then turned it on again, making another gate. Caitlyn didn¡¯t stop until she¡¯d made a pretty design entirely out of NAND gates.


    ¡°Oh. I see.¡± Curt said, staring out into space as labor costs dropped drastically in his mind. Caitlyn¡¯s aunts stepped aside and began whispering to each other, glancing at the laser cutter hungrily.


    Excellent. It made sense to Garth that if the thing was enough to make a premier scion of an enchanting household grovel, it would carry a similar impact for the rest of them. Hence the leather cap on the back of the laser cutter, covering the exposed enchanting.


    He didn¡¯t want them to just reverse engineer it by memory.


    Curt was still staring out into the garden wall when Caitlyn¡¯s aunts reached a consensus, returning to Garth.


    ¡°We¡¯ve reconsidered your offer to take responsibility for Caitlyn¡¯s injury.¡±


    Hook, line and sinker.


    ¡°What?¡± Curt asked, starting out of his stupor. ¡°What!¡±


    ¡°Since it seems that Edward here is the only one that could provide Caitlyn the tools to carry on her passion, it would be cruel of us to keep her here.¡± Katie, the leader of the three Aunts said.


    ¡°However, we can¡¯t simply send her give her over to you without¡­following the right procedure. There¡¯s a seldom used law that might come into play here.¡±


    She paused dramatically.


    ¡°Tell me, do you still want to take responsibility for her injury?¡±


    ¡°More than anything. I feel terrible about it.¡± Garth lied, bowing his head in shame.


    ¡°Wait, you can¡¯t be considering ¨C mmmph!¡± one of the other Aunts clapped a hand over Curt¡¯s mouth while Katie strategically tried to pressure Garth into giving them the plans for the laser cutter, in exchange for Caitlyn. You know, to make sure it was safe for her to use and all.


    I love it when they think it¡¯s their idea.


    ¡°I can just make another for you in a couple hours, if you¡¯ve got the materials,¡± Garth said. ¡°There¡¯s only two pieces to it, after all.¡± Such a nice young man.


    Katie¡¯s eyes lit up and she trotted back into the mansion, holding her dress up as she ran in a display of unladylike speed.


    ¡°This is ridiculous!¡± Curt said, breaking away from Garnet¡¯s restraints. ¡°It¡¯s a sham! A ruse designed to steal my daughter! The boy is just trying to take my gumdrop from me! I can see it in his womanizing blue eyes!¡± he pointed at Garth with a shaking finger.


    Is he super perceptive or just hysterical? Garth wasn¡¯t entirely sure, but the guy was spot-on.


    ¡°Please, Dad, he¡¯s just trying to help. He¡¯s been nothing but kind to me, before, during, and after the injury.¡± Caitlyn said. Her voice lowered to a near whisper. ¡°I want to stay with him.¡±


    Curt met her eyes and finally broke down, clutching his daughter and sobbing, rocking back and forth. After a few minutes he calmed down and wiped his eyes clear, sniffling.


    ¡°Okay, if that¡¯s what you want.¡± He took a deep, shuddering breath. ¡°Do you think you could fetch my hanky, dear?¡±


    ¡°Okay dad,¡± Caitlyn said, trotting up the mansion stairs.


    Curt followed her progress until she disappeared into the large wooden entryway. Once the girl was completely gone, he turned on Garth and lifted him off his feet by his shirt.


    ¡°If I hear a single word that you¡¯re mistreating my daughter, I¡¯ll strap you down to that cutter you¡¯re so proud of and drill some sense into your Skull!¡±


    ¡°Curt!¡± Garnet and Samantha shouted and peeled the Patriarch away from Garth.


    ¡°She¡¯s a friend. I would never harm a friend. As a matter of fact, I¡¯ll do everything I can to fix what I¡¯ve done,¡± Garth said. ¡°As soon as we get back, I¡¯ll start working on a way to regrow her fingers.¡±


    There we go, an excuse for her to go back to normal, since she won¡¯t want to spend the rest of her life wearing the stub-hand enchantment. If we say we ¡®fixed it¡¯ then I still have Caitlyn, while the angst from her father is greatly reduced.


    ¡°See that you do.¡± Curt said, straightening his jacket that had been crumpled when his sisters dragged him away.


    Now that that¡¯s taken care of¡­. ¡°I will need more supplies to make the attempt though. I¡¯d be happy to pay for them.¡±


    ¡°Oh, you¡¯ll pay all right.¡± Curt¡¯s eyes narrowed.


    I really hope Curt mellows out after I ¡®fix¡¯ her hand.


    ¡°And where would I find glass vials with airtight lids?¡± Garth asked. ¡°I also need to work with adamantium.¡±


    ¡°The Ravenleaf Family has those things,¡± Samantha said. The slender woman of maybe forty-five slipped a gold signet ring from her hand into Garth¡¯s palm. ¡°Tell them we sent you. Take Caitlyn.¡± She lowered her voice to a whisper. ¡°We¡¯ll talk to Curt while you¡¯re gone.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Going into the home stretch of the dump, but Wake of the Ravager''s is just getting started! Go check that one out if you''re still craving more. It''s honestly better so far, lol.


    This is chapter 12/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 156: Exponential Growth

    ¡°You¡¯re never going to let me live this down are you?¡± Caitlyn asked, her arms crossed.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what you mean,¡± Garth said as he adjusted the framed copy of Caitlyn¡¯s deed of ownership, right next to the framed NDA she¡¯d signed. ¡°I just want to be proud of you.¡±


    Garth adjusted the frame one more time, making sure it was perfectly level on the phylactery room¡¯s rear wall.


    Caitlyn cocked an eyebrow.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯m just excited. I¡¯ve never owned an eighteen-year old redheaded girl named Caitlyn¡­with freckles before. Let the excitement run its course. I should be back to normal in half an hour or so.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t own me. You¡¯re just responsible for my actions and well-being.¡± She said.


    ¡°I¡¯d like to direct your attention to paragraph three,¡± Garth said, underlining it with his finger. ¡°In keeping with this responsibility, the undersigned has complete authority over the oversigned.¡±


    Garth glanced back at her, waggling his eyebrows. ¡°Eh, Eh?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got no license to resell, which you would if I were property, ergo, you don¡¯t own me.¡± Caitlyn said with a smug smirk.


    ¡°Ah, shit.¡± Point set match.


    ¡°Oh well,¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°It was a good buzz while it lasted. Apprentice! Put a bottle under that leaky faucet. Your Responsible Party demands it.¡±


    Caitlyn shook her head and sighed, taking one of the clear glass bottles he¡¯d bought from the Ravenleaf family and setting it at the end of a long wooden frame that held the bottle directly below his Processing Plant.


    Drip,drop,drip¡­Overnight, the pace had gone from almost nothing to a slow, steady drip, as little heartstones dropped into the top of the giant pitcher every five minutes or so. In a couple weeks, Garth fully expected to be able to shower under the stuff.


    In the meantime, he wanted to see if it was possible to use the resulting liquid as a substitute for heartstones. He couldn¡¯t see himself experimenting on Caitlyn, and his new recruits were a bit too low on the totem pole to just be handing them stat upgrades, so like so many other things, he¡¯d have to use his own body as a test subject.


    Not like I don¡¯t have a spare, Garth thought, motioning for Caitlyn to bring him the vial of liquid once it was about halfway full. It had no smell, but the visual was like an oil slick over water. Very strange stuff.


    Here goes. Garth tilted his head back and drank the substance, eye screwed shut. Thankfully, it didn¡¯t have a taste. Garth was expecting something tangy and bitter, or maybe lutefisk.


    Anything but lutefisk.


    Garth put his hand on the phylactery interface panel and dialed the stats into the hundreds category.


    Hmm¡­ .01 of a stat point across the board. It took about three minutes to fill that vial halfway¡­


    ((24X60)/3) X.01=4.8


    Almost five points a day, not even considering the likely exponential growth of Mark¡¯s output. Damn. Of course there¡¯s a body¡¯s absorption limit. I recall the one every four hours rule. Does that even apply here? This stuff is like pre-ground up baby food, made perfectly easy to digest right off the bat. Plus the sizes aren¡¯t consistent.


    If Garth were to monopolize the output, his stats would break into the hundreds in less than two weeks.


    I don¡¯t think my heart was ready for industrialized power-leveling. It¡¯s one thing to mentally conceptualize exponential growth, and an entirely different one to experience it firsthand.


    On the other hand, killing the son of a bitch who destroyed his life seemed that much closer.


    It¡¯s the little things.


    Grass, could you have Mrs. Banyan come here, please?


    SURE


    Now the question was, did he hijack the stuff meant for his new bodies, or split it sparingly between the two?


    Garth would probably bump up against the limit of his new body sooner rather than later. His first body had capped out at 85 intelligence as a journeyman phytomagus. A phytolich probably had higher limits, but they wouldn¡¯t be infinite.


    So the most important thing would be to raise my tier sometime in the next couple weeks¡­ Garth glanced at the Amulet of Endeavor hanging on the wall. Beside it was the yellow heartstone of Tulesta the legendary spider.


    Hmm¡­ Class advancement.


    I wonder what tier that horny guy who killed me was?


    After a moment of pondering, Garth discovered a simple solution. All he had to do was reach the highest tier in existence. That should be plenty to kill the guy. No problemo.


    Not to mention there are a few giants running around on Earth that have had eight hundred years to get pumped. Can¡¯t really afford to let myself get ass-kicked by those people.


    Garth wouldn¡¯t be entirely comfortable on Earth until he made his previous heights look like child¡¯s play.


    Mrs. Banyan waved the wall at the back of the room open and strode through.


    ¡°What did you need, Garth?¡±


    ¡°See the stuff that¡¯s dripping?¡± he said, pointing at the rainbow droplets falling down onto the roots of his lifeline. ¡°Could you collect them into jars for the next two days?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± She said, grabbing one of Garth¡¯s larger mason jars and putting it under the leak of heartstone juice.


    ¡°And try to keep it airtight once it¡¯s full. Worst case, it¡¯ll evaporate like crazy or solidify into a gem inside the jar. Well, if that happens, we¡¯ll just have to change the way we store it.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    Thankfully Mrs. Banyan didn¡¯t really have the ability to get bored. Well, maybe she did, but hundreds of other bodies were doing interesting things all the time, so she was never lacking for entertainment.


    ¡°How¡¯s the training with the new recruits going?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°They can taste blood,¡± she said with a smile.


    ¡°Excellent,¡± Garth said, picking up the fist-sized yellow heartstone. ¡°We all need to get better before things get worse.¡± Garth studied the stone for a moment in his hand, which seemed to bend the light around it to some extent, making the stone appear just a bit smaller than it felt in his hand.


    I don¡¯t think I can swallow this.


    Garth created a cot in the corner of the room and laid down, stone across his chest.


    ¡°What should I do?¡± Caitlyn asked as Garth closed his eyes.


    ¡°Read my notebook, practice spellwork, and help Banyan close the jars. I shouldn¡¯t be out long.¡±


    ***Alicia***


    It had been three days since she¡¯d last seen Edward, when he¡¯d seen her off, helping Caitlyn get off the wagon before waving goodbye. Three days that he hadn¡¯t attended the academy.


    Alicia chewed on her pencil, glaring at the history book in front of her, a weathered drawing depicting the Founder¡¯s rise to the heavens. It¡¯s not like her legs were broken. She could have gotten off that wagon easily.


    And then Edward didn¡¯t show up to the Academy. It wasn¡¯t like he had a busted hand too. Now both of them were off somewhere, doing something¡­without Alicia. She started doodling, not with any shape in mind, just pressing the pencil down, making thick black lines that nearly tore through the paper.


    ¡°Listen up, children.¡± The instructor said, interrupting their silent reading time. Alicia glanced up at the front of the classroom, where the headmaster stood. The aging blonde with the severe expression pulled out a notecard.


    ¡°I¡¯ve come to inform you that Edward Bergstrom has been withdrawn from attendance by his family, as well as Caitlyn McDonnell, for injuries.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t uncommon for children to be withdrawn due to death or injury, what with the bloodthirsty games they played jockeying for position amongst their peers, but she knew for a fact that Edward wasn¡¯t injured. She also knew that he was teaching Caitlyn magic separately from her.


    For the last three days.


    What the hell am I even doing here? She thought, glancing down at the rote memorization they expected of her. Everything had gotten significantly easier since she¡¯d begun eating the heartstones.


    What was the point of sitting in this chair bored to death for hours on end? She was almost done with her term at the academy, but if she waited the four months until the end of her enrollment, that would be four months for the fire-crotch to get ahead of her.


    ¡°Edward asked me to read this farewell message to you.¡± The Headmaster said, her eyes brimming with inexplicable tears.


    ¡°Dear irreplaceable classmates whose names and faces escape me, I have been struck down by a most grievous wound, and may not be able to recover in time to graduate with you, despite my most valiant effort.


    Never fear though, for I will only focus on convalescing and studying as hard as I can, and definitely not secretly changing my appearance for the second phase of my master plan, while drastically increasing my power level.


    And most certainly not training at one hundred times earth¡¯s gravity for the Namek arc.¡±


    The pencil in Alicia¡¯s hand snapped. She sat there, staring at the broken pencil. Something snapped inside her, echoing the fragile stick in her hand.


    Fuck this.


    Alicia shoved her chair back and walked out the door, ignoring the inquiries tossed at her by her classmates, her instructor, and the Headmaster of the academy.


    I have to find Edward before he changes his appearance. I might never see him again if he does that. I couldn¡¯t trust him to come to me, either, he¡¯s a total flake. I gotta beat that out of him.


    That and Caitlyn. Alicia¡¯s thoughts turned dark. All it takes is a pretty face and he¡¯ll give up the secret of magic. How much more could she have gotten out of him in three days? No, that girl doesn¡¯t seem that calculating. She¡¯s probably wrapped around his finger at this very moment, unable to stop thinking about where he is or who he¡¯s with. Not like me.


    He needs someone like me to make sure he doesn¡¯t get taken advantage of, though. Handing out magical power like candy isn¡¯t going to end well for him.


    Alicia made it to the main street before she stopped, realizing that she had no idea where to go. She had tried to listen closely through the bags and had figured out that they exited the city through the east gate, but the road split several times, and his stupid lair could be in any direction.


    If only I knew someone who knew where¡­


    The man who took her brother away.


    He knows.


    Alicia¡¯s feet turned in the direction of the modest house she¡¯d last seen her brother enter, her pace slowly increasing until she was flying down the street, She didn¡¯t know why, but it felt like every step that brought her closer to Edward was easier, pulling her onward as her heart hammered in her chest.


    And then I can take everything he has! She thought, grinning evilly as she ran.


    In a matter of minutes she stood in front of the little house, rapping on the door. It seemed like no one was in, which was odd. Must have sent his children away. Alicia frowned a moment, and then turned and crossed the street, banging on his neighbor¡¯s door.


    ¡°Coming!¡± She kept pounding.


    ¡°Hold on, damnit!¡± Alicia kept banging on the door.


    The door flew open along with a wave of rank air as a grey haired man in sweat-stained nightwear filled the entrance.


    ¡°What the hell do you think ¨C urp!¡±


    Alicia drew the man down to face level and met his eye, making sure he was paying attention.


    ¡°Who lives in that house?¡± She asked, pointing.


    ¡°who do you think you-¡±


    She interrupted him with a slap and then drew her knife, putting it to the man¡¯s neck.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I forgot to say please.¡±


    ¡°Paul Tucker, Paul Tucker.¡± He whimpered.


    ¡°Where is he?¡±


    ¡°Work, probably.¡±


    ¡°Where does he work?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s a detective, so, the precinct, probably?¡±


    Alicia kicked him back into his muggy, rank house and turned back to her quest: Information.


    Macronomicon


    Going into the home stretch of the dump, but Wake of the Ravager''s is just getting started! Go check that one out if you''re still craving more. It''s honestly better so far, lol.


    This is chapter 13/15 of the dump, look forward to two a day until next..fridayish.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 157: Dirty Deeds

    ***Paul***


    Paul stood in his boss¡¯s office, thumbing through some light reading.


    ¡°I still don¡¯t understand why you can¡¯t just let me eat him,¡± Ragnar said over Donald Lam¡¯s bound and gagged body. Carl shrugged, still mute.


    ¡°Because people have a thing about eating each other. And besides, if he died now, how would he answer for the¡­seventeen influential young men and women he¡¯s helped disappear? Nevermind the gambling debts, the handful of murdered prostitutes, the embezzlement, tax evasion, laundering¡­¡±


    Paul flipped to the next page of the black notebook. Six pages dedicated to this waste of space.


    ¡°I could go on, but I won¡¯t¡­But I could.¡±


    Paul had made sure to spend a couple days fact checking a lot of the information in the book before he tried to use it against his boss. It would be real embarrassing if he tried to blackmail the man and it turned out to be unreliable.


    ¡°Donny boy...I always knew you were shady, but it turns out you¡¯ve been a very bad man these last few years.¡± Paul flipped back to the front of the page, where the informant¡¯s names were listed.


    ¡°I hear none of your family¡¯s Garthspawn came back.¡± Paul said, sitting on the man¡¯s desk. ¡°More than anything else, I think that speaks to your character. A man who doesn¡¯t make his women happy¡­¡± Paul shook his head and tsked, flipping to the last two pages of the report.


    ¡°This little notebook is real handy. It even has suggestions for how to dispose of you in ways that arouse the least amount of suspicion. Would you like to hear them?¡±


    Donald shook his head.


    ¡°Too bad. Since you like to get coked up while you beat on hookers, we could put you in a seedy hotel with an exploded heart, your face covered in blood and cocaine.¡±


    Paul withdrew a quarter-pound paper envelope of cocaine ¨C more than enough to kill a man ¨C and slammed it down on the desk.


    ¡°How does that sound?¡±


    Donald shook his head.


    ¡°Or,¡± Paul said, his gaze returning to the notebook. ¡°You owe the Jones family, who loan shark for the Dentons, one hundred and eighty thousand credits. Thus far they have waived your rather large debt in exchange for your cooperation on¡­less savory matters.¡±


    Paul directed his attention back to his restrained boss. ¡°Did you know that they have a signature way of killing people? They cut off the hands and tongue, crack open the chest and leave a specific dagger in their heart.¡±


    Paul reached into his vest and pulled out an ornate knife, embedding it deep into the table beside the cocaine.


    ¡°How does that one sound?¡±


    The chief of police for the city of Santo Descanso began wiggling madly, shaking his head.


    ¡°Option number three¡­¡± Paul said, turning back to the notebook Garth had given him.


    ¡°I think he wants to talk.¡± Ragnar said, his distended muzzle wrinkling in disgust.


    ¡°How can you tell?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s pissed himself.¡±


    Paul glanced over at Carl, who nodded and ungagged the man.


    Donald sucked in a huge breath.


    Ragnar lunged forward and slapped a hand over Donald¡¯s mouth an instant before he could scream, his claws digging into the side of the man¡¯s face. The wolf beastkin gave a guttural growl that shook the hairs on Paul¡¯s forearms before he leaned forward and whispered something in Donald¡¯s ear.


    Donald went very still, and when Ragnar pulled his hand away, he stayed silent.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± He whispered.


    ¡°I want to watch my youngest daughter grow up,¡± Paul said, folding his hand on his lap. ¡°But right now I¡¯ll settle for a substantial pay increase. Promote me to captain.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­impossible. You¡¯d be skipping three ranks.¡±


    ¡°Not impossible. Difficult. Unorthodox, even. It certainly wouldn¡¯t make us any friends, but I¡¯m too old and too pressed for time to play the politics game.¡±


    ¡°The¡­positions are full, they¡¯re all full up.¡± Donald stammered. ¡°I can¡¯t make you a captain, because they¡¯re all full.¡±


    ¡°One captain¡­¡± Paul opened up the book and flipped through the police section. ¡°Captain Morgan, will be announcing his retirement tomorrow due to a sudden desire to spend more time with his family. Give me his job.¡±


    I wonder why Garth thought captain Morgan was a funny name.


    Paul watched Donald struggle with the decision, while he laid out the next steps in his mind.


    Giving the chief one night would push him to make a move. He¡¯d most likely call in a few favors to have people come to Paul¡¯s house and disappear him before the ball started rolling on the promotion. People only had so many favors they could call in. Paul would then disappear the people called in for the favor, decreasing Donald¡¯s power.


    He never would have tried it while his family was in town, but Paul¡¯s weaknesses were literally out of reach for his enemies. It was the perfect time to trim the fat a little, on a societal level.


    ¡°Alright, fine. I¡¯ll do it. You¡¯re a scary bastard, you know that? How come you never pushed for a higher rank before now?¡±


    ¡°Never had a reason.¡± Paul answered. ¡°I like my work simple. Was actually thinking about retiring in say..three years?¡±


    The government retirement pay was determined by averaging the last three years of income, with the rank at the time of retirement playing a factor. A captain¡¯s pension was much better than a detective¡¯s.


    It was a story Donald might believe.


    I can¡¯t actually tell him I plan on killing him and taking his job, can I?


    Donald¡¯s desk was a hop, skip and a jump away from the captain¡¯s position.


    ¡°I see what you¡¯re aiming at. Sounds like a plan. On one condition. You give me that book.¡±


    One way or another, Donald was going to end up dead, face down in a pile of coke. But for now he needed to think Paul was as shady as he was. Willing to play ball.


    ¡°This book?¡± Paul asked, hefting the black book of secrets. ¡°This is an expensive book. I could sell you this book, or trade it for something of equal value, but I¡¯m not going to give it to you. It¡¯s worth a hell of a lot more than a captain¡¯s position, as I think you¡¯re well aware.¡±


    ¡°I have a stash of credits that-¡°


    ¡°This one?¡± Paul asked, pulling the leather satchel beside the desk off the ground and opening it in front of him, showing him the gleaming gold.


    ¡°It¡¯s a start, but I was hoping for something with a bit more¡­real property value. Like the little businesses you own around the city that launder money for the Gonzalez family.¡±


    Donald froze.


    ¡°Come now, it¡¯s all in the book.¡± Paul said. ¡°I should think that raises its value even higher.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯ll kill me if I sell those places.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a section on the Gonzalez family right here.¡± Paul pointed out, ¡°Plenty of ways to blackmail them into accepting the new ownership, especially if business stays the same for them.¡±


    ¡°Well, what do you say?¡± Paul asked. ¡°Every major family in the entire city, just waiting to be exploited. I don¡¯t really have the leverage to get to them all, but you do. Worth a lot more than a couple businesses and a promotion you¡¯re not even paying for out of your own pocket isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Donald Lam seemed to come to a decision. ¡°Untie me. let¡¯s do some paperwork.¡±


    The door slammed open and a young woman with short black hair, a rounded face and cherry red lips stormed through the entrance.


    Ah, this must be Alicia Denton.


    ¡°Ms. Denton!¡± Donald¡¯s eyes lit up like he¡¯d seen a ray of sunlight in the abyss. ¡°These men are trying to-¡°


    ¡°Shut it.¡± She snapped ad Don, gliding up to Paul, her rapier rattling against her wide hips.


    Donald¡¯s eyes went misty as he was ignored. Ragnar chuckled and put the gag back in his mouth.


    ¡°Can I help you?¡± Paul asked.


    She must be looking for me. it¡¯s probably about ¨C


    You must be Paul,¡± She said, offering him a delicate hand. ¡°We met a few nights ago. I¡¯m looking for Edward. I was hoping you knew where he was.¡±


    Paul glanced back at the gagged chief of police.


    ¡°I¡¯d rather not say in front of company. Would you give me half an hour?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure it wouldn¡¯t take long to point me in the right direction?¡± the Denton asked, her face upturned, full lips pouting. ¡°Unless it¡¯s something important?¡±


    ¡°Would you mind watching the chief for a minute? And mind the door.¡±


    Carl gave him a salute, and Ragnar pulled out a cigar, lighting it up and blowing the smoke in Donald¡¯s face.


    They stepped out of the office into the crowded police station that humming along like their chief wasn¡¯t being tied up and extorted.


    Paul guided the young girl to a place he knew no one would overhear them due to its thick walls and proximity to the noisy main floor, then addressed her.


    ¡°Alright, so you wanna know where ¡®Edward¡¯ is, huh?¡± Paul asked, leaning against the wall across from her.


    ¡°I would appreciate it,¡± she said.


    ¡°You¡¯re Alicia Denton, right?¡±


    ¡°What of it?¡±


    ¡°Edward¡¯s pet project.¡±


    She looked confused, cocking her head to the side.


    ¡°Is there some reason you can¡¯t tell me?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, a pretty simple reason, actually. You¡¯re a Denton.¡±


    He wasn¡¯t going to tell her where his family was without some kind of insurance she wouldn¡¯t report back to her aunt about where he was hiding his children.


    Her eye narrowed the smallest fraction before the expression left her face entirely.


    That Denton hardheartedness kicked in instantly.


    ¡°Alright Paul, what do you want?¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Paul asked.


    ¡°What do you want, from me, that will convince you to tell me where Edward is?¡±


    Paul thought about his evening for a moment. They could always use extra muscle later tonight during the more dangerous portion of the plan, and tearing down the Lam monopoly on Law enforcement and the military would be directly counter to the Denton party line. Working with him on that would be something she wouldn¡¯t be able to tell anyone about, and a pretty good piece of dirt on her.


    ¡°How about this. I know the general area where that thing pretending to be a kid is. You provide me with some extra muscle tonight, I¡¯ll tell you where to look.¡±


    Alicia raised an eyebrow. She didn¡¯t seem flustered at Paul¡¯s description of Edward, which lead him to think that she¡¯d figured out some of the secret as well. Maybe not the biggest one, but she definitely knew the boy she was looking for wasn¡¯t a boy.


    ¡°And this extra muscle request¡­you wouldn¡¯t happen to be acting against the Lam family would you?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t say before I do it, but I can honestly say your family isn¡¯t going to like it. Not one bit.¡±


    Alicia pondered for a moment, her cherubic face pensive, hiding the cold mechanisms behind it. ¡°Then how about a more nuanced trade?¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re climbing the political ladder on Edward¡¯s behalf, aren¡¯t you? Do you think my aunt knows that?¡±


    A thread of ice worked its way down Paul¡¯s spine. Maggie didn¡¯t know about the connection between the two of them, but if Paul started acting up, it wouldn¡¯t be too difficult to put two and two together. The vicious woman could make things difficult. Or just outright kill him.


    ¡°What are you getting at?¡± He asked, trying not to show how close to home she¡¯d struck.


    ¡°If you¡¯re going to join the higher ranks of the police department, you¡¯re going to have weight to throw around. Specifically deciding who to hire and who not to hire.¡±


    ¡°I want five guaranteed entry level positions for people of my choice, and in exchange I will mitigate the fallout of upsetting the status quo with my aunt.¡±


    Paul thought about it for a minute. It would be ten or fifteen years before those guaranteed hires could become high enough ranked to be a serious problem, and by that time a lot of things could happen. In fact, there might not be a city fifteen years from now. Not with Garth Daniels living next door.


    It wasn¡¯t a hard promise to make, but he couldn¡¯t just agree to it.


    ¡°That and the directions, in exchange for your help tonight.¡± Paul mused. ¡°How did this turn into an extortion? You get one guaranteed hire.¡±


    ¡°Three.¡±


    ¡°Two.¡±


    ¡°Three or I walk away and tell my aunt aaall about finding Don tied up in his own office.¡±


    ¡°Fine. Three. Give me a few minutes to finish with the chief and I¡¯ll meet you back here, then we can go over what I¡¯ll need help with.¡±


    Macronomicon


    Going into the home stretch of the dump, but Wake of the Ravager''s is just getting started! Go check that one out if you''re still craving more. It''s honestly better so far, lol.


    This is chapter 14/15 of the dump... parting is such sweet sorrow, but I remember people really enjoying the next one, so there''s that to look forward to.


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38?


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 158: Done dirt Cheap!

    ***Paul***


    Paul and Alicia sat in the living room of his neighbor¡¯s disgusting house, playing a board game while they waited for the night¡¯s festivities. The girl was fond of taking big risks, and often wound up losing turns or overshooting her mark on the board. It was an interesting view into her personality.


    ¡°I¡¯ll spend the last of my rolls for this one,¡± she said, grabbing three extra dice to make a run for the finish line. Paul worked out the averages in his head and realized that gave him an approximately 80% chance of making up the lost ground and winning over the next couple turns while she had no movements left. Assuming she didn¡¯t roll too high above average.


    ¡°Hah! Twenty!¡± The dark-haired girl moved her piece to the finish line and did a vindictive victory dance in the endzone with her wooden horse figurine.


    ¡°four out of five times, you would have lost that bet.¡±


    ¡°The words of a sore loser. It was a twenty percent chance to win right then and there, or a hundred percent chance to finish carrying on with the boring back and forth. I saw an opportunity to bring the game to a close, one way or another.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough,¡± Paul said with a shrug.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been wondering,¡± Alicia asked, kicking her feet in the air as she fiddled with the horse token.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°How did you meet Edward, wind up working for him?¡±


    ¡°I found evidence that there was a Phytomagus in the city and narrowed it down to Edward. Then he kidnapped my wife and held her as a guarantee of my good behavior. That¡¯s the how and why of it.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± Alicia¡¯s face darkened. ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°What, did you think your boy was a nice guy?¡±


    ¡°Not exactly, but¡­¡±


    ¡°To be fair, she¡¯s doing well, and she¡­¡±Paul felt like he had to choke out the rest. ¡°chose to stay there.¡±


    Alicia gave him a look of sympathy mixed with a bit of condescension. ¡°Damn.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°how about you?¡± Paul asked. ¡°What happened in that alley where I found the sword?¡±


    ¡°That was you?¡± She shook her head in amazement. ¡°I got attacked by men hired to kill me, and Edward just smoked his stupid cigar and watched. This was apparently right after he killed my uncle.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I saw that.¡±


    ¡°Still pretty pissed off about that.¡± Alicia said, her fingers tightening around the game piece.


    ¡°Why do you like him so much, then?¡± Paul asked. ¡°I¡¯m just playing for the winning team. What¡¯s your excuse?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t like him.¡± The young girl said hastily, her defenses coming back up. ¡°He¡¯s a powerful tool that hands out ungodly powers to anyone with a pretty face who asks nicely. I want to use him for just that.¡±


    Paul chuckled. ¡°He is a bit of a tool.¡±


    I could probably convince Garth to hand out powers, given how easy she makes it sound, but just like the way she plays the game, it¡¯s an all or nothing gamble, and I¡¯m too old to make those any more.


    The sound of the back door opening caught their attention.


    ¡°You think that¡¯s the owner?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Nah, I gave Harry enough cash for a week-long bender, and believe me, that man knows how to go on a bender. It¡¯s probably Carl and Ragnar with the guest of honor.¡± Paul set the game aside and stood up. There was going to be a lot of work tonight, one way or another, so he put his game face on and steeled himself.


    From the back of the house, his two subordinates dragged Donald Lam kicking and thrashing, a Yoke around his neck, hands and feet bound.


    ¡°Don! We¡¯ve got to stop meeting like this! It is nice of you to join us, though. Here, take a seat by the window.¡± Paul grabbed a rocking chair and spun it to face Paul¡¯s house, then he turned out all the lights, so no one could see into the room.


    Ragnar and Carl had been tasked with watching Don for any suspicious activity, and kidnapping him if he made a wrong move. It should have been terribly hard to get by the Lam family security, but their former Garthspawn had made sure to note the little escape tunnel and exactly where the entrance was.


    Operating with this much information about his targets was refreshing.


    Don was coated in dust from being dragged through the unused tunnel, his eyes wide. With terror as he looked around the darkened room.


    ¡°Now Don, the only reason you¡¯d be here is if Carl and Ragnar here saw you meeting with people you shouldn¡¯t be meeting with. Fixers.¡±


    Paul glanced at Alicia. ¡°It¡¯s probably well documented that I dote on my wife and children. Ask anyone who knows me from the precinct. If I were a filthy scum-sucker like you, I might think to even the playing field and get some leverage of my own.¡±


    ¡°So, If I see anyone try to break into my house tonight, I¡¯ll assume that they¡¯re working for you, and that they¡¯re trying to harm me and mine. Sound about right?¡±


    ¡°Mmmph!¡±


    Less than a minute later five individuals crept down the street before boosting each other over Paul¡¯s gate. Rather than going for the front door, they silently padded to a side window and slipped into the house.


    ¡°You know what I do to people who try to fuck with my family?¡± Paul said, picking up the crossbow beside the window and matching Alicia¡¯s gaze. ¡°I kill them. Ragnar.¡±


    ¡°Mmmph!¡± Donald shook his head violently.


    Ragnar grinned his hideous, half-dog grin and loped silently to the front door, shadowing the assassins. Two minutes later the beastkin waved to them from Paul¡¯s open front door.


    Paul silently said goodbye to his home of fifteen years, and slid the window open, waiting for Ragnar to get clear before pulling the trigger. The bolt shot through the door and impacted against one of several decorative jars scattered around the house, filled with raw Sky-fish oil that Ragnar had bought from his tribe for this exact purpose.


    Paul¡¯s house exploded.


    A wave of air and heat put Paul on his back foot, while Ragnar let out a yip and dropped to all fours to escape the raging inferno. Thick flames burst from every window and whatever sound the five men might have made as they died was swallowed up by the roar of flames.


    Carl had made sure to get behind something so he was least affected. Alicia seemed to approve of the high-stakes gamble, nodding to herself with her arms crossed.


    ¡°Anything you¡¯d like to add?¡± Paul asked, turning to face Donald Lam, well aware that he was framed by the burning building. Carl took the man¡¯s gag away.


    ¡°My son was in there!¡±


    ¡°You got more,¡± Paul said before leaning close and dropping his voice to a whisper. ¡°So don¡¯t test me.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not as clever as you think you are, and if you give me one reason to think you¡¯re not going to be good to your word, I¡¯ll kill your whole family. I¡¯ll wipe the Lams out of the city. In one night.¡±


    He glanced at Alicia.


    ¡°From the root.¡±


    ¡°What do you say?¡± Paul asked Don.


    The man stared at him silently.


    ¡°Carl go do the thing.¡±


    Carl¡¯s brows furrowed. What thing? He seemed to ask.


    ¡°The thing where we kill all the Lams overnight.¡±


    In actuality It was a furnace with a giant bellows designed to produce a massive amount of bad air, something Garth called Carbon Monoxide. It was placed at the end of the secret tunnel into the Lam¡¯s basement, and could easily produce enough bad air to suffocate them down to the last Lam baby in its crib.


    Honestly the babies would suffocate first, Paul thought, his emotions cold.


    ¡°Aaaah,¡± Carl said, nodding and heading for the door.


    ¡°Okay! Okay!¡¯ Donald said. ¡°I¡¯ll do what you say, just fucking¡­Stop.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to be the lead investigator for this little fire here, and it¡¯s going to be found that my whole family died in it, with five crispy corpses to sell the story. I¡¯m going to be just devastated. Are we clear?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°The department is going to pay me a consolation, enough to cover the house and my pain and suffering arranging this little coup. After that I¡¯m going to throw myself into my new position as captain with gusto as a way of coping with my terrible loss and searching for the culprit. Clear?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Excellent.¡± Paul said, squatting in front of his boss. ¡°But you did try to hurt my family, and I kill the people who do that. Due to your unique position maybe we can dial that back to a stiff reminder? Better?¡±


    Donald nodded.


    ¡°Is that better?¡± Paul asked, prompting a response.


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s better.¡± Donald snarled.


    Paul pulled a wickedly curved knife, designed for castrating bulls with a quick yank. ¡°Good. Alicia, do you want to hold him down or do the cutting?¡±


    ¡°No, No, you can¡¯t do this! People will ask questions!¡± Donald shouted.


    ¡°Not if I cut somewhere under your clothes.¡± Paul said, tracing the blade down Donald¡¯s chest until it reached his inner thigh.


    ¡°I hear you really like this thing.¡± Paul said. ¡°Whores three times a week, even after getting frisky with the Garthspawn a couple times a day. Maybe it would save a lot of women a lot of trouble if I just got rid of it.¡±


    ¡°No, no nononnoonOOO.¡± Donald chanted, hyperventilating as spit blew out from between his clenched teeth.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll hold him down. looking at an old man¡¯s penis isn¡¯t exactly what I had in mind for tonight.¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°I bet,¡± Paul said with a chuckle before returning his gaze to the chief of police.


    ¡°Ask me to cut off your toes.¡±


    ¡°Wha¡­What?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m giving you the opportunity to choose what I cut off. That¡¯s me giving you some power in our little relationship here. Don¡¯t you appreciate it? Ask me to cut off your toes, so that you don¡¯t forget about our deal and why you shouldn¡¯t fuck with me or my family.¡±


    It was also a technique designed to break a man down by making him complicit in his own torture. Paul knew, it, Don knew it.


    Paul waited, tapping the blade on Donald¡¯s thigh.


    ¡°..no.¡±


    ¡°Guess we have to do this the hard way.¡±


    By the light of the burning house, Paul lit a candle and placed the blade over it to heat while he tugged off the man¡¯s pants.


    Alicia averted her eyes, but Paul didn¡¯t shay away, With quick, professional motions, he grabbed the man¡¯s shriveled genitals in a firm grasp and put the fire-heated curve of sharp steel behind them, the boiling hot metal scalding his flesh as it made incidental contact with his thighs, forcing a yelp of pain out of his lungs.


    ¡°Fine, Fine!¡± Don shouted as Paul tensed for the neutering.


    ¡°Say it.¡±


    ¡°Cut off my toes.¡± Don said with a sob.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°So I don¡¯t forget.¡±


    ¡°Right-O.¡±


    Paul took the hot blade away from Don¡¯s scrotum, and the man breathed a heavy sigh of relief. It was short lived, because Paul immediately moved the hot knife on to his toes.


    ¡°Paul,¡± Alicia said, pulling his attention away from his work. ¡°Looks like one got out.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Paul said, raising his head to look.


    A slightly scalded young man was walking away from the inferno, aiming for the house they were in, walking with a slight limp and carrying a shortsword. He must have seen the candle in the window.


    ¡°Richard, RICHARD!¡± Don screamed at the top of his lungs as his son staggered toward them.


    ¡°Well, you did want to kill someone.¡±


    ¡°That I did,¡± Alicia said with a smile. She went to the front door, and in the light of the raging inferno across the street, they watched the short, lethal fight between the fencer and the crooked soldier.


    The girl drew a strange grey parrying rod with a basket hilt and lunged forward, gliding across the grass in a way that made her seem light as a feather. Richard¡¯s silhouette knocked her first thrust aside as he attempted to close the distance, but the girl¡¯s lower body strained for an instant before she skated backward through the grass, strange dirt-devils forming around her feet as she kept the man with the shorter blade at the perfect distance.


    She whipped the sword back and thrusted again, and caught the Lam in the shoulder. while he was distracted by the pain, she stabbed him three more times in the lungs.


    When the large silhouette slumped over, Alicia Denton stepped forward and dispassionately stabbed the Donald¡¯s son in the heart twice before stepping away, watching the corpse for movement before she put a superhuman kick into its chest, sending it tumbling across the street and into the burning building before heading back.


    ¡°Now,¡± Paul said, his gaze turning back to Don just in time to see the last light of hope fade from his eyes. ¡°Where were we?¡±


    Macronomicon


    Last chapter of the dump, but Wake of the Ravager''s is...probably also done, being a smaller run. Hmmm. Anyway, check it out if you like, I''ll see you guys next time!


    This is chapter 15/15 of the dump, If my nerd calculations are correct it should be the end of friday, or early saturday, depending on where you live. Hope you had a great time!


    I finally, finally got back to 50 chapters ahead on patreon, but after this week it should be about... 38.


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 159: Soul sumo Wrestling

    Caitlyn settled in at her desk, her mind abuzz with new ideas to write down while Garth ¨C The Garth, the most reviled human in history, yes that one, ¨C slept on a cot not twenty feet away from her. She¡¯d seen the man put a bullet through his own eye, and he seemed fine!


    Caitlyn¡¯s reaction wasn¡¯t her proudest moment, but something had flipped a switch inside her, making her already queasy stomach turn against her.


    He must be using some kind of soul transposition to jump from body to body, but each body is him. How? People only get one body.


    She glanced over at the strange tree that had purple men curled inside its gigantic fruits. That had to be what was making them, but it still boggled Caitlyn¡¯s mind. The only work her family knew how to do were minor physical effects and status bands. Make a shield, make fire, move a little wind, create light.


    Nothing like that.


    She needed to learn everything she could, from the beginning. Garth seemed to dislike answering questions about the Founder, so she would instead have to ask about different things.


    Flying machines seems like a good place to start. If I could make something like that, I could make travel faster and safer for everyone. Imagine how few people would die from travelling, if they could just fly over all the monsters that riddle the countryside?


    As it currently stood, any long-range travel was exceedingly dangerous without a group of armed soldiers, bodyguards and mercenaries.


    It made trade expensive and difficult.


    And how cool would that be! I wonder how ancient humans did it. Maybe some kind of magic that produces lift or defies gravity?


    Caitlyn heard a sound in the distance, a long groan through strained lungs. She raised her head and spotted Garth thrashing in his cot.


    What, what¡¯s going on? She thought as the muscles in Garth¡¯s face spasmed, his entire body twitching uncontrollably. His eyes were wide open, and his body was writhing in a strange, asymmetrical pattern that made her stomach turn sour.


    ¡°NNgggaaaa!¡± Garth gave an awkward vocalization as his eyes rolled in their sockets before his entire body tensed up.


    The sound attracted Ms. Banyan¡¯s attention, and the dryad ran over to her creator, checking his pulse. An instant later, she glanced over her shoulder, straight at Caitlyn.


    ¡°Help me hold him down until more of me get here!¡± she shouted.


    ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°I have no idea, but we¡¯ve got to keep him from harming himself.¡±


    Garth¡¯s eyes focused on them, first one, then the other, their movement independent of each other. His mouth opened and an ear-splitting hiss emerged before devolving into a shriek.


    His awkward fumbles quickly turned into almost coherent movements, with a strange jerkiness to them, like a puppet on strings.


    He tried to sit up, when something slammed him back to the ground, his body devolving once again into muscle tearing, intense spasm. His back arched and another scream forced its way out of the ancient wizard¡¯s lungs.


    ¡°What is going on?¡± Caitlyn screamed as she held Garth down long enough for Mrs. Banyan to use ironwood to secure him to the cot.


    Like an animal, Garth lunged up and tried to bite at them, his eyes spinning in their sockets madly.


    Caitlyn felt like she might throw up again.


    ***Garth***


    When Garth opened his eyes after sinking down in the depths of himself, he was once again in back in his old body, standing in an empty blackness, but this time without a single other person, neither man nor god to welcome him.


    No other people at all.


    There was, however, a spider. One that towered over him, its white fur practically glowing in the darkness. Garth¡¯s nonexistent heart skipped a beat. Whatever was going on here, it wasn¡¯t good. Tulesta¡¯s massive fangs twitched in some indecipherable spider body language, all eight of its gargantuan eyes turned toward him.


    ¡°Ummm¡­Hi?¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be taking your body now, morsel.¡± She said.


    In the blink of an eye, the spider shot forward, slamming her gigantic fangs blunt-end first into Garth, sending him shooting out, out,


    Suddenly everything turned bright, and colors seemed to come from every direction at once. He had no eyes, but somehow he could see in every direction, in every spectrum. His senses far more than they had ever been before.


    Yet his mind wasn¡¯t up to the task of interpreting the riot of information raging through him. It blended together until he could only make out shapes and disconnected colors. Warm gold light, browns, greens, purples.


    I¡¯m in the Phylactery room? Garth thought, focusing his attention on one single thing in front of him, trying desperately to narrow his field of view, until he realized he was looking down at his own body, being held down by Caitlyn and Mrs. Banyan.


    Oh, that bitch! Garth felt a tugging sensation, and he discovered he was being sucked into the phylactery. Is this supposed to happen? Garth experimentally tried to resist, but nothing seemed to change the inexorable pull of his body-maker.


    When he reached it, his senses felt like a bell that had been struck by a hammer, flaring up his consciousness with brilliant white light. I remember. This is the door to the afterlife.


    Garth slowly drifted forward, mesmerized by the white light, the temptation to cast away all of his problem and relax with Beladia for another thousand years.


    Like a dog yanked on a chain, Garth let out an awkward yelp as he was jettisoned violently backward toward his body, slamming into the floor of the black space.


    The spider that had been slowly melting into the floor, coalesced into a single entity again, it¡¯s attention palpably baleful.


    ¡°I¡¯m just as confused as you,¡± Garth said, dragging himself to his feet. ¡°But if I had to guess, I think the Phylactery sent me to the nearest active body, i.e. this one. I don¡¯t think you can get rid of me that easily.¡±


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll crush your soul into dust.¡± Tulesta said, pouncing on him.


    Garth tried to dodge, but the faster spider knocked him to the ground, picked him up and began twirling him around, wrapping him in light-bending sheets of silk.


    GArth tried his plant magic, but there was no medium through with to use it. there were no plants in¡­wherever the hell they were.


    Are we in my heartstone?


    Garth desperately tried to break out of the winding silk, but his magic was crippled, and even accessing Beladia¡¯s blessing just scattered her mana ineffectually around. The blessing still worked, there was just nothing to use it on.


    Time to switch gears.


    Shadow, a little help please?


    ***Caitlyn***


    By all the gods it¡¯s getting stranger!


    Garth¡¯s body began to float upward on a column of pure shadow, attempting to sink into his eyes and mouth as intense beams of light shot out of his entire body, seemingly burning from within.


    Caitlyn could make out the shape of the man¡¯s bones against the light that shone through his body.


    He was still twitching violently, occasionally coming to rest for an instant before his struggles redoubled.


    She felt fear cramp her stomach as the screaming continued.


    ¡°You can go somewhere else for a while,¡± Mrs. Banyan said after they¡¯d been watching the struggle for a solid six hours. ¡°You need some rest.¡±


    Caitlyn nodded, almost numb from sheer stress and exhaustion. She stumbled to the bedroom and passed out, heedless of the distant wordless moaning of the strange wizard.


    When Caitlyn woke up the next day, it was still going, with a worried-looking Mrs. Banyan force-feeding Garth liquids and keeping a sun-lamp on his purple skin.


    ¡°Has it gotten any better?¡± She asked, approaching Mrs. Banyan.


    ¡°It hasn¡¯t, but it hasn¡¯t gotten any worse, either. I don¡¯t know what to do in this situation. I¡¯ve never seen anything like it.


    Mrs. Banyan lit up. ¡°Maybe I know someone who has.¡±


    ***Garth***


    The blackness of the floor lifted up in a formless tornado, and the darkness around them pressed close to them, a cool, comforting chill.


    Shadow pierced through the silk, allowing Garth to slip out and land on his feet, sliding down the tunnel of darkness.


    Okay, what do I know about souls, and fighting souls¡­Garth realized that he knew a lot. His eight hundred years of experience with the afterlife flooding back into his mind as soon as he touched on it, unconnected to his body as he was.


    Fighting as a soul was less about technique and more about raw will. Sure he could do magic, or use Blessings, but that was really just an extention of his will. Will and raw nastiness.


    I can get nasty.


    ¡°Hey, you eight legged piece of shit. I roasted and ate one of you in my backyard once. You taste delicious with a little bit of butter and black pepper!¡±


    Garth focused on the little, harmless spider in front of him. It had gotten full of itself after getting all big and strong because a Mythic core had chosen it as a defender shortly before being plucked from the ground.


    Garth on the other hand, was a human, and when the chips were down, no matter how icky spiders were, humans held the overwhelming advantage.


    In front of Garth, the spider rapidly lost size.


    ¡°What kind of lame-ass spider were you before you stumbled across the core, anyway? Some kind of jumping spider? I had one land on my pants once. Long story short, I killed it.


    ¡°I am immortal, brilliant sun god!¡± the spider said, now only about the size of a horse.


    ¡°Wow, read a book. You have any idea how many idiots think they¡¯re gods right before they got murdered? Oh wait, you don¡¯t, because you haven¡¯t had a formal education. You¡¯re just a stupid spider. When was the first time you put together a coherent thought? last week?¡±


    Nastiness achieved, Garth thought, as the spider continued to shrink, becoming the size of a pony.


    Or maybe I¡¯m growing. Garth thought as the spider attacked him again. This time he was able to see it coming, and catch the massive fangs. Tulesta wrapped four limbs around behind Garth¡¯s back and tried to force Garth onto her fangs, razor sharp claws sinking into his back.


    Garth unleashed a withering stream of derogatory expletives that disparaged spiders, insects in general, Tulesta specifically, but the spider stopped losing any size.


    With a grunt, Garth pushed the spider backward, trying to force it out of the blackness, out of himself. Without a phylactery nearby, the spider¡¯s soul would either go to the afterlife or dissipate entirely.


    Garth had the advantage of intelligence and lifetimes of culture and cunning, speaking to the most enlightened minds of Beladia¡¯s High Court to draw on, bombarding the creature with images of existential horror and paradoxes intended to paralyze it¡¯s mind long enough to shove it out of his body.


    The spider¡¯s advantage was sheer, screaming, brutal will built over eight hundred years of fighting to survive a pitiless desert.


    The two of them wrestled back and forth for what seemed like years, Shadow protecting him from the spider¡¯s burning hairs and blinding flashes.


    It had to be painful for a shadow to throw itself in the way of it¡¯s antithesis like that, but Garth appreciated it. tremendously. With its help and a lot of mudslinging, Garth had drawn Tulesta into a standstill.


    ¡°Give up, you¡¯re dead, you can¡¯t win. I¡¯ve got infinite replays.¡± Garth growled, face-to-giant-eyeball as he pushed the spider physically backward. Go suck on deer in spider-heaven. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll be popular there.¡±


    ¡°Not if I kick you out long enough to destroy your pathetic anchor, mortal.¡±


    ¡°You keep,¡± Garth wrenched on the spider¡¯s fangs, tossing it onto its back. ¡°Using that word.¡±


    Garth jumped onto the spider and the two of them began wrestling, With Garth at a severe disadvantage.


    ¡°I¡¯m not a mortal anymore, little spider.¡±


    ¡°Am I interrupting something?¡± a voice made both of them freeze.


    Garth and Tulesta glanced over from where they were wrestling to see a slender, beautiful woman in her late twenties. She had a mane of red hair and dazzling mithril armor sculpted around her body.


    ¡°Caitlyn? I really have been fighting this thing for years.¡±


    She rolled her eyes.


    ¡°It¡¯s Tuesday, numbnuts. I¡¯m Linda.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Oh, right. Soul-identity.¡± The way people saw themselves affected their souls.


    ¡°Thought you might need some help. Your dryad was concerned. You know it¡¯s been nearly a week?¡±


    ¡°I had no idea. How¡¯s the ¨C ¡±


    Tulesta chose that moment to throw Garth off of her and leap for Linda, hissing furiously. The old woman who fancied herself young and beautiful let out a shout, a shining steel shield as tall as she was manifesting on her left hand.


    In her right hand was a beautiful golden sword, flames dancing along the blade.


    She lunged forward, catching Tulesta on her shield like a bug on a windshield, sending the spider skidding backwards.


    Garth leapt to his feet, grabbed Tulesta¡¯s soul around the midsection, and performed a suplex on the bug, dropping it straight onto its sensitive eyes.


    As Tulesta was wriggling in pain, the two of them each placed a foot on the creature¡¯s midsection and violently shoved her out.


    Tulesta didn¡¯t fall out of the darkness so much as disappear, fading from the dreamscape. As she disappeared, Garth noticed a shimmering spiderleg, seemingly crafted out of bent light.


    ¡°Thanks Linda,¡± Garth said. ¡°I owe you one,¡±


    ¡°You owe me two,¡± she said with a smile, vanishing from his dream.


    Once Linda was gone, Garth squatted to inspect the mirage-spider leg on the ground. It was most likely the energy from the legendary creature¡¯s heartstone, made metaphysical.


    ¡°How the hell am I supposed to use this, though?¡± he asked, picking it up.


    Do I meditate on it, ram it through my stomach, or eat it, or what?


    As Garth was contemplating trying to meld it into the darkness around him like he¡¯d seen Tulesta doing, he heard the clicking of dog¡¯s toenails on stone.


    Out of the darkness came the same starving black Lab from Pala¡¯s dream, looking between the spider-leg made of bent light and Garth, his eyebrows twitching hopefully.


    Shadow rolled off of it like mist from dry ice, and Garth knew he was looking at the one that had helped him twice already.


    ¡°Okay, fine, but only because you look pathetic,¡± GArth said, handing the leg to the dog, who gingerly reached out and took the leg before trotting off to the corner of Garth¡¯s mind and laying down to start gnawing on it.


    ¡°Pssh, all that effort for a dog¡¯s chew-toy.¡± Garth said, rolling his eyes. he put his hands on his hips and took in his surroundings again, glancing around the featureless expanse.


    ¡°Now how the hell do I get out of here?¡±


    ***Caitlyn***


    ¡°There,¡± the ancient looking woman said, taking her gnarled hand off of Garth¡¯s forehead. Garth¡¯s breathing had calmed, and he was no longer experiencing back-breaking seizures, just sleeping peacefully.


    They were standing in a grove outside L.A. where Mrs. Banyan had agreed to meet this mystery healer. Caitlyn was under strict instructions not to say anything about Garth¡¯s dungeon, because although this was an old friend of his, she wasn¡¯t the nicest person in the world, either.


    ¡°He should wake up in a couple hours,¡± she said, putting her leather glove back on. ¡°Tell Garth not to absorb large heartstones without cooking them first.¡±


    ¡°Thank you Leanne,¡± Mrs. Banyan said, nodding to the ancient witch.


    Did she say Leanne? As in the Queen who nearly plunged the world into chaos six hundred and fifty years ago? Caitlyn¡¯s body tensed, heart hammering.


    She felt like an ant just trying not to get stepped on, or noticed. The reality of her situation seemed more and more outlandish every day that passed.


    Caitlyn swallowed the urge to ask inane questions, a physical lump in her throat.


    ¡°Who¡¯s this?¡± She asked, glancing over at Caitlyn, sending a shiver of dread through her.


    ¡°One of Garth¡¯s apprentices. Caitlyn.¡±


    ¡°Nice to meet you Caitlyn.¡± She said, shaking her hand.


    ¡°Looks like you¡¯ve got the bad fortune of studying under Garth Daniels, possibly one of the unluckiest S.O.B.¡¯s on Earth, but damn good at magic. Keep in mind that Garth is a bit flighty, and tends to get distracted, so he needs a firm hand to keep him on task. That¡¯s what his wife told me, anyway. From what I saw personally, she wasn¡¯t wrong.¡±


    ¡°Okay?¡± Caitlyn said. The prospect of keeping someone who could shoot themselves in the eye as part of a gag, on task, was daunting.


    ¡°Take it easy,¡± She said, clapping Caitlyn on the shoulder. ¡°The guy¡¯s a total sucker for women.¡±


    ¡°True,¡± Banyan said, her head cocked to the side in reminiscence.


    INDEED, HE OFTEN THINKS ABOUT MATING WITH YOU. Grass chimed in.


    Macronomicon


    Here you go! Back from the goldpanning trip, and before you ask, we got jack shit.


    Goldpanning isn''t easy, who knew?

 Chapter 160: Jelly Bean, The Goblin Queen

    Macronomicon


    ¡°Last I checked, thinking about things wasn¡¯t a crime.¡± Garth said as his canning device spit out another batch of sixteen ounce aluminum cans of Garth-aid?, ready for consumption.


    It collected the output from the Processing Plant and Ms. Banyan wheeled case after case out of the dungeon. Garth was forced to bail himself out, because the output was already unsustainable. The leaky faucet had become a full-on stream of the raw heartstone juice while he was asleep, and If he didn¡¯t do something about it, he was going to flood his dungeon.


    So, cut it with a little water, sugar, caffeine and carbonation, and call it a soft drink.


    ¡°I¡¯m a guy. I think about sex all the time, right Grass?¡±


    YOU DO. MORE THAN THE AVERAGE MALE.


    ¡°See? It¡¯s not like I¡¯m an animal who would jump you simply because you¡¯re old enough to¡­you know. It¡¯s just that I¡¯m WAY older than you, even if we don¡¯t count the years I¡¯ve been dead. I don¡¯t know what the mores of society are nowadays, but it just doesn¡¯t feel right to me. What I¡¯m saying is that I wouldn¡¯t take advantage of you¡­well, I try not to take advantage of you¡­Umm. Anyway, please stop ignoring me. I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ll never think about sex with you again.¡±


    YOU LIE.


    Shut up, Grass!


    Caitlyn glanced over from her workbench where she had been ignoring him, drawing a blueprint with a cold, angry expression. Her eyes widened as if she had just noticed him, and she reached up to her ears and pulled out two tiny little earbuds that were belting out music from the 20th century.


    ¡°Were you trying to talk to me?¡± She asked, her green eyes wide in an expression of attentive innocence. She really did have a lovely face. Sharp, perfect lines compared to Alicia¡¯s rounded lusciousness.


    Man, I wanna see what she looks like when I use the orgasm keyphrase on her. Mm. And other expressions.


    YOU LIED.


    Sometimes you gotta tell women what they need to hear, even if there¡¯s no way it could be true.


    Garth reprocessed what he¡¯d seen. Ear buds? She couldn¡¯t hear me? Where the hell did she get earbuds from? Probably Linda. She hasn¡¯t been ignoring me, she¡¯s been jamming out. Damnit.


    ¡°You¡¯re¡­not mad at me?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°What, oh, no, I was just having trouble with this blueprint, getting everything to fit together the way I want it to. Why, is something wrong?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Nope, it¡¯s all good,¡± Garth said, getting back on task, cracking open a Garth-aid? Punch, and downing it as manfully as possible to hide his previous blubbering.


    Garth turned his attention back to the deluge of raw Heartstone juice coming out of the pipe.


    I guess I¡¯m gonna have to expand the number of people who get stat increases, because this is way too much for one man.


    It¡¯s above and beyond exponential growth, Garth thought as he glanced at the downpour of tiny goblin heartstones gently clicking against each other midair as they rained down into the pitcher of the Processing Plant.


    I wonder what the interdimensional record for most goblins killed with a single spell is? Maybe I¡¯ll be in the running someday?


    Their hunting skill improved, Garth realized. That could account for the incredibly rapid advance in goblin slaying. Creating more hunter-killers, and teaching their offspring the proper techniques.


    I wonder how Mark One is doing, Garth thought idly as Mrs. Banyan rushed past him to begin stacking flats of Garth-Aid? for transpo.


    ¡°Garth, Alicia¡¯s been spotted entering the gates of the Green Hell.¡±  Mrs. Banyan said as she stacked boxes.


    ¡°Got it,¡± Garth said, taking another sip and grabbing a couple for the road.


    ***Jelly Bean***


    Jelana Bean, known as Jelly Bean to her village due to her short height, roly poly body, soft breasts, and soft character, had hitched a ride with a merchant caravan in a fit of anger-induced self-determination.


    Normally she went along with whatever she was told, had done for most of her life. It was easier and less stressful than figuring things out for herself, and making mistakes.


    It seemed whenever she did something of her own will, it had been a colossal mistake.


    Not this time, though. Only staying in that awful place would have been a mistake.


    It had been three days ago when her friend Amy broke the news that the boys in town didn¡¯t actually like her, they just treated her like the village well; communal property.


    She hadn¡¯t believed her at first, but when Boras came by the next night, she had asked him if it was true, he had laughed and brushed off the question, and in an uncharacteristic show of strength, she¡¯d demanded an answer.


    He¡¯d gotten angry and hurt her, then did what he came to do anyway.


    Not one second longer.


    Jelly was very easygoing. She could have adjusted, could have gone along with that kind of life if the boys kept being nice to her, but that was over. They didn¡¯t even hide their scorn behind her back anymore.


    Or maybe it was Jelly that had changed, seeing things that were already there.


    So when the merchant caravan headed for Santo Descanso to the south had passed through her small town, she¡¯d done the bravest thing she could think of: She ran away.


    The caravan guards were nice about it, but she was always afraid they would get angry and hurt her like Boras, so she went along and did whatever they wanted. Unfortunately, what some of the younger ones seemed to want was to hurt her.


    It wasn¡¯t all bad. A couple of the older men were very nice to her, and just wanted to fall asleep with her after sex, and sometimes talk about their dead wives. That was a little awkward, but if that was all she had to do, she was happy to help them.


    It was halfway through the trip when Jelly Bean realized she¡¯d fallen into the same situation as the village.


    She was sitting on the edge of the wagon, trying to puzzle out her current situation in the brilliant noonday sun, the forest a few hundred feet to the right of the road.


    Jelly liked sex, and she liked making people feel good, but when she did, they treated her bad. Was she supposed to be mean and grumpy all the time? Would they treat her well then?


    Why is everything so hard?


    Maybe¡­Maybe I should ask someone for advice? It felt like a good idea, but she¡¯d asked for advice many times before. Men usually advised her to enjoy herself, and women usually gave her a cold shoulder.


    I¡¯m starting to think men¡¯s advice is bad. I¡¯m not sure why, but it doesn¡¯t seem to help, and I usually wind up having sex with them afterward.


    Jelly Bean kicked her feet off the side of the wagon some more.


    I guess I¡¯ll have to try mean and grumpy, ¡®Cuz I don¡¯t know what else to do.


    It was when Jelly had reached that single destiny-altering thought that she heard the screech of goblins.


    Dirt flew up all around them as the little green men emerged from wooden trap doors buried in the ground.


    What? Jelly thought, stunned into passivity as the little men raced forward with their short spears and began ruthlessly jamming them into any gap in the caravan guard¡¯s armor.


    ¡°Jelly, hide!¡± one of the nice guards said, yanking her backward into the wagon while she gave a startled squawk before the beefy man stuffed her into a crate.


    Jelly¡¯s world became stifling and claustrophobic. All around her she could hear the sound of combat, cried of pain from men and goblins, the sound of steel on steel.


    Her heart hammered in her chest, the tight quarters of the box nearly making her lose her composure and try to claw her way out.


    ¡°Everyone to the front! Guard the horses and punch through!¡± Someone shouted over the high pitched gibberish of the goblins.


    Oh thank goodness, we¡¯re going to get away, she thought, relieved. She heard the sound of the wagons start to move, the sound of combat fading away into the distance.


    Why is it getting further away?


    Jelly was in the rear wagon.


    Did they forget about me?


    A few minutes went by, and the only sound she heard was the hissing and gibbering of goblins. The click of their claws on the wooden floor of the wagon send waves of dread through her stomach.


    Maybe if I stay really still, they¡¯ll get tired of searching through the wagon and leave.


    Another tense minute went by, and the lid of the crate was lifted off, revealing the face of a little green man with a deadly sharp grin.


    ¡°Hi?¡± Jelly Bean said meekly.


    ****


    This can¡¯t be happening, this can¡¯t be happening, Jelly thought over and over as she was dragged through the forest, the twigs scraping against her delicate skin and tearing her homespun clothes.


    I didn¡¯t do anything bad! Goblins only take little girls who do bad things or wander into the forest alone. I was with a group of guards! I did what I was told!


    ¡°Why is this happening to me-ow!¡± Jelly Bean yelped as the goblin behind her poked her behind with its spear. The evil thing cackled with glee at her girlish yip, and proceeded to poke her more, as its friends joined in tormenting her.


    Jelly wanted to slap the spears away from her bottom, but her hands were bound to her neck, connected to a long rope that several of the awful-smelling little men tugged on, seemingly every time she got her balance.


    Jelly knew what was waiting for her; a slow death at the hands of goblins, raped until she died and then they would eat her.


    Maybe someone will save me, she thought, tears brimming in her eyes as she was yanked off balance again, stumbling forward. Every step they took, however, brought her further from the road and closer to their den. Further from rescue.


    The goblins had made it clear that if she resisted they would kill her, and seeing them eat the handful of guard that had died was more than convincing enough.


    She didn¡¯t want to die, so she did what she was told.


    But she knew she was going to anyway.


    They dragged her to a foul-smelling cave, shoving her into it, heedless of her retching. Inside was a short tunnel leading to a cavern big enough for three people. The light from outside barely illuminated the room, and when Jelly¡¯s eyes adjusted, she wished it didn¡¯t.


    The corpse of another woman rotted in the corner, parts of her flesh stripped away to feed the goblin horde. Her face was sunken and her eyes rotted out, showing Jelly exactly what she was in for.


    Something snapped inside her, and the threat of death was no longer enough to stop her. Not when she could see her future rotting in front of her.


    ¡°NO!¡± she screamed, thrashing violently and trying to break out of her bonds. The Goblins swarmed around her, holding onto her limbs and wearing her down, waiting until she had no energy left to struggle.


    They moved the rotten corpse out of the way and carried her into its place, tearing her clothes away from her. Jelly¡¯s heavy breasts spilled out and to either side as they roughly placed her on her back and tied her arms to metal pilons sunk straight into the rock.


    Jelly¡¯s life became a nightmare of pain and humiliation. For days, they didn¡¯t leave her alone, anxious to play with their new toy, until gradually their interest died down, coming in ones and twos every couple hours.


    After three days, Jelly had given up, just waiting for an infection to end her life. She wasn¡¯t brave enough to starve to death, so when they brought food, she ate, hating herself. She wasn¡¯t brave enough to make one of them mad enough to kill her either. They would just hurt her, but leave her alive.


    She didn¡¯t want more pain.


    On the fourth day, things got strange.


    A goblin walked into the room with a friend, the two of them grinning maliciously as they approached her, their members swollen already.


    Against her will, she found her body growing warm. Her mind was shut off, but her body did anything it could to reduce the pain. It horrified her that sometimes¡­it felt good, even if she didn¡¯t want it to.


    The first little green man shoved her limp legs aside and was about to mount her when the second one grabbed the first one by the head and snapped his neck.


    The broken-necked goblin fell on top of Jelly, twitching with blood leaking from between his lips as his staring eyes bored into her from atop her breast.


    The sight drew the first semblance of emotion that Jelly had been able to feel in days. She squawked and squirmed before the second goblin grabbed the other one¡¯s neck and dragged him into the dark opposite corner of the cave and ate him. a minute later it fiddled with it¡¯s stomach. She couldn¡¯t quite make out what it was doing on the other side of the cave, but it seemed to enjoy it.


    What is going on? Jelly began to feel curiosity again. Her newlyfound hope and curiosity went out the window as the goblin shot her an odd glance before wordlessly heading back out of the cave.


    A couple hours later, the same thing happened again.


    And again.


    And again.


    She realized it was the same goblin doing this, somehow able to consume an entire goblin in a matter of minutes, before going about his business like nothing was wrong. The goblins themselves were too stupid to figure out that something was picking them off.


    When it happened again, Jelly called out to the goblin.


    ¡°Wait!¡± she said as it dragged its brethren to the corner of the room again. It stopped and looked at her, eyes full of intelligence. Not at all like a goblin.


    ¡°Jelly Bean.¡± She said, pointing at herself, before inwardly cursing at using her nickname rather than her actual name.


    ¡°JellyBean?¡± It asked, pointing at her with a curious gaze.


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s me.¡± she said, nodding. ¡°Can you let me out of here?¡±


    The goblin looked confused for a moment, before pointing at itself.


    ¡°Mark. One.¡±


    Mark one? That doesn¡¯t sound goblin at all. Jelly wasn¡¯t sure what it might mean, but it definitely wasn¡¯t a goblin name.


    He pointed at her. ¡°Jellybean here, good hunt.¡± He then turned and walked off, ignoring her protests.


    Mark one continued to lure goblins in one at a time for three days killing and eating them one at a time, until finally, he bothered to untie her and bring her outside.


    She froze once the light of the outside world struck her eyes. Outside the cave was nothing but goblins, dozens of them meticulously creating stone arrows and tools with intense focus.


    Not a single one of them looked at her twice, instead focusing on their work in an un-goblinlike manner.


    Mark One shouted something in goblin, and the little green men¡¯s heads came up, paying attention to him.


    ¡°Jellybean Isth ager uft shii zugle ben sappa win twee. Sim ker fol dundeda soppei can!¡±


    Suddenly the dozen or so goblins directed their attention at her, giving her sharp-toothed smile that had all of the menace of goblins, but none of the mindless brutishness. These¡­things knew exactly what they were doing.


    ¡°What did you say to them?¡±


    ¡°You be Jellybean for tribe.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she asked confused.


    It wasn¡¯t much longer until she found out exactly what they meant. They dressed her in rags that barely covered her body, and motioned for her to run away.


    Jelly was happy enough to get away, so she ran the direction they pointed. Strangely, rather than hitting the road, she seemed to go deeper into the woods. Did they send me the wrong way?


    It wasn¡¯t long before another group of goblins captured her, and just before they shoved her into a different cave, a hail of stone-tipped arrows descended on them, catching the frenzied, horny tribe of goblins off guard.


    Mark One and the rest of his tribe howled with a hair raising battle cry as they flooded out of the woods, falling on the other green men and tearing them to pieces while they were still alive.


    ¡°You good Jellybean,¡± Mark One said with a smile, wiping blood from his mouth as Jelly sat with her back against a tree, panting from the sheer fright of being in the middle of a storm of arrows and spears.


    Jelly watched in horror as about a third of the goblin tribe puked up babies, swelling their numbers even further.


    ¡°Go be Jellybean that way,¡± he said, pointing with a happy grin.


    ¡°I AM NOT BAIT!¡± Jelly shouted as something cracked inside her. ¡°I AM A PERSON, MY NAME IS JELANA BEAN, AND I DON¡¯T WANT THIS!¡±


    Mark One and the other strange goblin things turned to face her curiously, crowding around her and Mark, pressing in close without a hint of malice. Confusion was written all over the ugly little green man¡¯s face as he glanced around, unsure of himself.


    ¡°¡­What then¡­you want?¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 161: Soda & Mascara

    Alicia was about halfway to his semi-secret, rapidly rebuilding city when Garth managed to get ahead of her, sipping on his refreshment.


    ¡°Hi, Al. How¡¯s it hanging? Want one?¡±


    ¡°Not gonna knock me out, is it?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Nah, it¡¯s basically refined heartstone lemonade.¡±


    She snatched it out of his hand and after a couple seconds figuring out the pulltab, took a big swig before spitting it out across the forest floor.


    ¡°It¡¯s beer!¡± she shouted, holding the soda at a distance, then the flavor hit her, and she looked extremely confused.


    Garth couldn¡¯t hold in his laughter.


    ¡°Oh my god, haha, every time. I love it.¡± He took a deep drink and looked back at Alicia, who seemed to be forcing herself to drink it, rapidly coming to terms with carbonation in a non-alcoholic beverage.


    ¡°So, what¡¯d you need from me?¡±


    ¡°Magic lessons,¡± She said, slamming back the rest of her drink with gusto and releasing a belch. She crumpled the aluminum container in her hand and tossed it aside.


    Nobody taught her how to do that, right?


    ¡°Pick up the can. They¡¯re not biodegradable, and this is my forest.¡±


    Come to think of it, aluminum cans are kind of a problem. Garth thought, glancing down at the can in his hand. Alicia bent down and picked up the can, bringing it back to him. Garth telekinetically crushed it into a tiny ball and stuffed it in his pocket.


    ¡°Magic lessons, huh? I thought the agreement was I teach you magic as long as I need lessons in common sense? I¡¯ve just recently exceeded common sense.¡±


    With the Processing Plant pumping out so much raw power, Garth was almost ready to move onto phase two, whatever that was.


    ¡°I¡¯ll bet,¡± Alicia said sourly. ¡°So what¡¯s Caitlyn doing here, then? She¡¯s not at her house.¡±


    ¡°I had to take responsibility for doing so much damage to her life and career. You see ¨C¡± Garth launched into his pre-canned speech.


    Without waiting for him to finish, Alicia put her hand on a nearby tree, flipped her knife out of her belt and slammed it down, aiming to chop off her fingers.


    Garth reflexively put a mental projection of his hand into the tree, reaching out and wrapping his fingers around hers.


    A wooden hand erupted from the wood and closed around hers, just before the blade sank into her fingers.


    ¡°That seems..¡± Garth said, ice running down his spine as the girl glared at him. ¡°A little extreme.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not here to dick around.¡± She reached into her belt and pulled out the parrying wand he¡¯d made for her. ¡°Even with this thing¡¯s help, I can only make short gusts of wind to help me or hinder an enemy, or take a few pounds off when I make a jump. I need more. A lot more.¡±


    ¡°Should be able to shoot lightning out of that thing too.¡±


    Alicia blinked and looked down at the wand in her hand.


    ¡°Lemme show you.¡± Garth said, taking the wand out of her hand. ¡°lightning used to be static electricity from the clouds rubbing up on each other, but now it¡¯s raw weather mana compressed and directed at your enemies. One of the simplest spells in theory, but hard to do just on the sheer amount of power you need for that kind of compression.


    Alicia watched, wide eyed, as Garth funneled all the available mana within fifteen feet into a Lantern through the wand, which acted as a natural filter. All the non-weather mana bounced off the wand to return to the environment.


    Rather than a serene ball of white light, Garth got a sphere of tumultuous energy, crackling with lightning.


    ¡°Then you just string a thin line of contiguous mana between you and the target¡­¡± Garth created a channel for the lightning to flow through. ¡°..And release.¡±


    The entire world turned white. His chest felt like someone had drop kicked his ribs, and his eardrums simply gave up. He heard the blast with his whole body.


    Garth felt himself being tossed backwards, slamming into a tree none too gently.


    Garth blinked a couple times, staring up at the sky, watching flaming bits of wood rain down on them from above as his automatic healing kicked in, fixing the scalding on his eyeballs, the minor organ damage, and the perforated ear drums.


    Good thing I¡¯m tough, cuz that was¡­Garth froze as he was sitting up.


    Crap, crap. He flopped over and blinked the tears out of his ears to locate Alicia, whose legs were sticking out of a nearby bush, black pants riddled with shrapnel.


    Gotta make sure her major organs are okay, Garth thought, scrambling to his feet and rushing over to where Alicia lay, staring up at the sky with clouded over eyes.


    Okay, major organs first. Garth wove the healing spell and ignored her ears and eyes, touching on her brain, then her spine, then her heart and lungs, making sure that there was no internal bleeding.


    ¡°wha, wha- go- on?¡± Alicia groaned as he finished making sure she wouldn¡¯t die on him.


    ¡°Garth! What happened?¡± Mrs. Banyan shouted as she and Ellanore came running up to him, following a smoking trough in the ground about five feet wide and three hundred feet long.


    Their feet cracked the thin sheet of glass that had formed on the edges.


    ¡°You¡¯re lucky her eardrums are still busted,¡± Garth said, ¡°Call me Edward.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t know there was anyone left who hadn¡¯t figured out your secret.¡± Ellanore said, bowing.


    Is she giving me sass? Garth thought, glancing over at her. Ellanore¡¯s tone and posture was completely deferential, but the exact wording was a little¡­


    Whatever. ¡°Just call me Edward for now,¡± he said, healing Alicia¡¯s eyes and ears.


    ¡°As you wish Edward.¡±


    As if the name had kickstarted Alicia, she sat up violently, halfway through a sentence.


    ¡°¡­AAII want that!¡± She blinked, her eyes focusing on Garth and the other two women.


    ¡°First lesson: How to Shoot lightning.¡± She said, not demanding, simply stating a fact. She tried to get up, but let out a yelp and hissed in pain, flopping back onto her butt.


    She stared accusingly at several thick splinters buried in the flesh of her arms and legs.


    ¡°Hold on, I¡¯ll take care of those in a second, I just gotta take care of some stuff first.¡±


    He turned to Ellanore and dragged her off to the side.


    ¡°There a reason you were out here with Banyan? Were you looking for me?¡±


    ¡°Yes my lord,¡± she visibly screwed up her courage. ¡°We are very appreciative of everything you¡¯ve done for us, but our families in the east are still suffering at the hands of the Mississippi empire.


    ¡°What do you expect me to do against a continent spanning empire in two months?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Nevermind, don¡¯t answer that. I¡¯ve been regaining my former strength, but I doubt even my former strength is enough to upset the status quo. I have to do more than that, and that might take a while.¡±


    She frowned, crestfallen.


    ¡°But I can do something for you in the meantime.¡± Garth relented. ¡°Do people grow potatoes in the east?¡±


    She nodded.


    ¡°Excellent.¡±


    He filled his soda can with water, rinsed it out, and conjured a few thousand wafer-shaped potato seeds.


    Space-folding maybe? That¡¯s one freaking high-end potato.


    Garth packed the potato with incredible resilience, hardiness, efficiency, and taste, and most uniquely the ability to be bigger on the inside than the outside, allowing it to store massive amounts of potato inside the potato.


    Potato-ception.


    I dub thee the Lembas Potato, unbelievably hardy and resistant to insects and vermin. Let one bite of your delicious starchy goodness keep a man full and on his feet for an entire day of hard labor. Because two bites might explode his stomach.


    Garth knew that handing out plant-based goodies would eventually lead back to him, but this time he was going to hurt the people that came after him so bad they couldn¡¯t afford to try again.


    It would take months for it to get back to him, though. And months from now, Garth didn¡¯t see himself as something that a measly continental empire could handle.


    ¡°Take these,¡± Garth said, rattling the thousands of seeds around in the empty can. ¡°Make a caravan with the boys you came in here with, and fill the wagons with barrels of Garth-Aid?. Distribute about a dozen of these seeds to each farmer you come across, along with a three gallon keg. Tell them to hold onto these potatoes for eating, and never use them as part of their taxes.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± She said, taking the can and bowing ¡°Thank you very much.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m an apostle of Beladia, feeding people is one of my specialties.¡±


    ¡°What are the other specialties?¡± Ellanore asked.


    Breeding people.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it,¡± Garth said dismissively. ¡°Go spread the joy. I guarantee you those potatoes will keep people fed.¡±


    ¡°And the strange beverage?¡±


    Each three gallon keg has enough heartstone juice in it to give a person 20 points to every attribute. One farmer drinks that and suddenly he¡¯s Einstein in Paul Bunyan¡¯s body. It¡¯ll create total chaos when the serfs are smarter and stronger than their overlords. If anything, that¡¯ll do more to overthrow the Mississippi empire than I could do by myself.


    I¡¯d like to say it was all part of my master plan, but I¡¯m just a dog chasing cars. Like The Joker. Only slightly less evil.


    ¡°It¡¯s a goodwill gift.¡± Garth said, ushering her away. ¡°Make sure you and your boyfriends drink about three gallons of it apiece too, okay?¡±


    Ellanore gave him a curious glance as Mrs. Banyan picked up the slack and guided her away.


    Garth cracked open another can and started sipping on it. Still gotta drink like fifteen gallons of this stuff to max out tier two. Blech. I should make some different flavors.


    He returned to where Alicia was sitting, her face drawn tight with pain.


    ¡°Alright, you wanted a magic lesson? How about the Heal Spell?¡± Garth squatted down beside her and conjured a wooden pair of scissors, starting from the bottom of her pant-leg and cutting all the way up to uncover a pale, luscious thigh studded with wooden splinters, some as big as his thumb.


    Garth repeated the process with her left pant leg, lifting the shredded pants away from her lower body. She winced and hissed in pain as the fabric caught and tugged on a few of the deeply seated splinters.


    ¡°Why not teach me how to do that instead?¡± she asked, using her chin to point toward the glassed trough in the forest, unmindful of her rather tight black underwear on display.


    Thankfully it didn¡¯t look like she got any shrapnel there, so Garth focused on her wounded legs.


    ¡°Because, knowing how to heal yourself is always a good idea, especially when stuff like today happens.¡± Garth grabbed a thumb-thick piece of wood embedded in her leg. ¡°Watch closely.¡±


    ¡°Ready?¡±


    ¡°How come you don¡¯t have any shrapnel in you?¡± she asked suspiciously.


    ¡°Just lucky I guess,¡± Garth said, yanking the splinter out and deliberately forming the heal spell over her injury, so she could see it.


    ¡°NNNGGG,¡± Alicia grunted in pain, then let out a relieved sigh as he healed the puncture wound.


    ¡°Next.¡± Garth moved on to the next one, higher up on her thigh.


    He yanked it out, and her fingers dug furrows through the ground as she suppressed a cry of pain. A second later she let out a strange moan when he healed her.


    Makes sense. Probably feels a lot better when the damn thing is out of there.


    Garth kept going, his focus gradually narrowing down to a single point, like a surgeon as he pulled out one splinter after another before healing the wound. His senses blocked out sounds and sights other than the next splinter, keeping him going for about half an hour, until Alicia¡¯s legs started shaking, jostling the splinters out of his way and making them difficult to grasp.


    Maybe it was too much pain for her to handle. I should see if she needs a break, Garth thought, glancing up with his mouth open to ask if he should stop.


    Alicia was red-faced, panting, and biting her bottom lip while her blue eyes bored into his own. The light makeup around her eyes was trailing down the corners of her eyes and her whole body seemed to be shivering, radiating outward from her hips.


    Garth shut his mouth with a click, lowered his head and got back to work. Well, beats being emotionally scarred from all the pain, I guess.


    That gives me another idea for the blueprint drawer, Garth thought, politely ignoring the girl¡¯s noises as he started plucking the smaller pieces of wood out of her skin.


    ¡°Alright, do you think you can do one of the smaller ones?¡± Garth asked once they were down to a handful of small splinters.


    ¡°I¡¯ll try,¡± Alicia said, her voice trembling. Garth yanked the little splinter out of her ankle, and Alicia¡¯s shaking hand covered it. A little bit of mana coalesced around her hands but nothing happened to the puncture wound slowly welling up with blood.


    ¡°No problem, you just need more practice with your mana control, and higher stats.¡± Garth said, doing his absolute best not to mention how much she seemed to be enjoying the pain. ¡°Since I assume you grew some balls and skipped school to hang out with me, I¡¯ll train you.¡±


    ¡°Why the sudden change of heart?¡± she asked, slowly getting control of her breathing.


    ¡°You¡¯ve managed to convince me with your..enthusiam.¡± Garth said with a charming smile. Unfortunately he was unable to prevent himself from sneaking another peek at her legs.


    ¡°You really are easy,¡± She said, shaking her head.


    ¡°Shaddap,¡± Garth yanked a splinter out of her arm, eliciting a gasp and more convulsions.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 162: It’s got Electrolytes

    ***Alicia***


    What the hell was that? Alicia thought to herself, barely processing Edwards words as she signed the document he¡¯d laid down in front of her.


    Non-disclosure agreement, uh huh, penalties, forfeiture of memories, sure, physical responses, of course. Operant Conditioning, whatever. The talk went in one ear and out the other as she stared into the wooden table of Edward¡¯s mansion, pondering the sensations that had rocked her world less than an hour prior.


    Never in her life had anything like the things her sister described happened to her. At first it was just scream-inducing discomfort, just like pain always had been, but each time he pulled one of the splinters and healed it a second later, she¡¯d gotten a huge shot of adrenaline, making her heart slam violently in her chest. All that adrenaline then became meaningless when the pain faded a second later, energetically whirling inside around her body with nothing to do.


    In the middle of the cooling sensation of the healing spell and the ten-pound hammer heartbeats, she¡¯d glanced up at Edward¡¯s face, his brows furrowed in concentration. She felt the hand on her thigh steadying the wound and something changed.


    The next splinter he¡¯d tugged out had still been painful, but along with the pain, there was the tiniest tingling that worked its way down her spine, between her legs. The sensation had slowly grown with each new burst of pain, until she was soaked, more aroused than she¡¯d ever been in her life.


    The underwear digging into her crotch had been her only relief, and she thanked the gods that Edward had been too stupid or too polite to notice her shaking.


    Kolath, I hope he didn¡¯t notice. An eight-hundred year old wizard didn¡¯t notice? Don¡¯t kid yourself. Alicia¡¯s inner monologue went to war with itself.


    And Alicia still had no idea why. She knew what had happened, the details plucked from her sister¡¯s tales of debauchery, she just never, ever, thought it would be her.


    Not after¡­


    I¡¯m not supposed to be like this! Never in her life had she conflated pain and pleasure, and the only thing that was different from the past was the boy sitting in front of her.


    ¡°Hellooo?¡± Edward asked, waving his hand in front of her.


    ¡°Yes, what?¡± Alicia said, her eyes focusing on his face.


    That was a mistake. The sight brought the memory back to the forefront, and she began to feel the tiniest tingle again.


    Munasei leave me be! I¡¯m not a deviant whore like my sister!


    ¡°This is a two-year contract. Do you understand? During that time I have the right to keep you from your family, and if either of us tear it up, you forget everything that happened during that time. This is a terrific gamble on your part. Are you sure you want to do this?¡±


    Alicia¡¯s mind dragged itself out of the whirl of excitement and dark memories to focus on Edward.


    ¡°Kyle might become the nominee for patriarch while I¡¯m gone, it¡¯s true, but even if everyone unanimously supported him, who says he¡¯ll make it to the seat alive? My father¡¯s got a dozen years left in him. At least. Plenty of time.¡±


    ¡°You might feel differently about the scale of your family troubles in two years,¡± Edward said. ¡°Matter of fact, I¡¯m hoping you do.¡±


    Alicia leaned over and signed the document, and an odd red web leapt out of the paper and sank into her skin before she could take a startled breath.


    ¡°One copy for you,¡± he said, passing her the sheet.


    ¡°And one for me. Now, let¡¯s start training.¡±


    ¡°What do I need to do?¡± she asked.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Alright, listen up,¡± Garth said, pacing back and forth, passing by his Shadow clone as he did so. The Illusion was mimicking his behavior, even when he stopped to pick his nose. It was relatively easy to tell which one was Shadow, because there was a circle of brighter light around the illusion¡¯s feet where it shed light like water from a duck.


    Yes indeed, Shadow could come out to play during the day.


    ¡°I have in front of me, training tools I have devised to assist in instructing you.¡± Garth motioned to the first pair of items on the table, shadow acting as a silent showcase girl. On the table was a pair of clickers, one gold, one black. They had three buttons apiece, one green plus sign, one pink and heart-shaped, and one red.


    ¡°Since I¡¯m training two people at once, for the sake of convenience and preventing confusion I¡¯ve connected these clickers to your NDA¡¯s. For example. Alicia!¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Give me twenty pushups.¡±


    Alicia dropped to the ground immediately and knocked out twenty pushups in a matter of seconds. Very obedient, very fast. Traits to be rewarded.


    ¡°Good girl.¡± Garth accepted the black clicker from Shadow and clicked the heart shaped button. Alicia shuddered, wavered a bit, then stood up straight.


    ¡°Caitlyn!¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± she asked, glancing nervously over at Alicia, whose face was a little red.


    ¡°Five firebolts into the target.¡±


    Caitlyn hesitated a moment, then whipped out five firebolts in rapid succession as Alicia looked on jealously. Caitlyn did have a few days to get ahead of her. Hmm, not quite as instantaneous.


    ¡°Good.¡± Garth clicked the green plus sign on the gold clicker, and Caitlyn broke into a grin.


    ¡°As you can see,¡± Garth said, showing them the clickers. ¡°Very cost effective training props.¡±


    ¡°Next on the menu, is this.¡± Garth picked up a two-and-a-half foot long rod about a quarter inch across and bound in black leather with a little loop of leather at the end.


    ¡°It¡¯s a tool enchanted with a powerful healing effect, in case one of you gets injured during your training. If you get into trouble and I¡¯m not there to help, this little baby will save your butts.¡±


    ¡°But why is it a riding crop?¡± Alicia.


    ¡°That¡¯s how it works, you just smack someone with it, heals them right up.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Caitlyn said, her brows furrowed. ¡°But why did you make it a riding crop?¡±


    ¡°Not just any riding crop,¡± Garth said, slapping the toy in his palm menacingly. ¡°It can multitask. When Caitlyn¡¯s been bad,¡± Alicia¡¯s been good, ¡°or somebody needs a healing from getting injured during training.


    ¡°Why are you only using it on me?¡± Caitlyn asked, dismayed.


    ¡°Because Al has an incredible tolerance for pain. It wouldn¡¯t get the desired results. Besides, I really don¡¯t expect you to misbehave, Cait.¡±


    ¡°I guess,¡± she said, folding her arms.


    ¡°Next up,¡± Garth moved on to two black leather collars. ¡°I know what you¡¯re thinking, ¡®collars? I signed up for magic lessons, and this fucking weirdo wants to put a collar on me! No way Jose.¡¯, but these collars are actually safety equipment. They create an invisible protective bubble around your head so that neither of you can instantly kill the other during training. Should give me enough time to get there, or if not, the other person can give them a beating with Mr. Heal.¡±


    Alicia raised her hand.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Did they need to have spikes?¡±


    Garth blinked.


    ¡°Yes.¡± Garth and Alicia stared each other down for a moment, before Garth moved on to the next item.


    ¡°Next we have these two,¡± he said, pointing at the shiny black arrowhead-shaped object and the clear bottle of fluid. ¡°Would anyone like to guess what these are for?¡±


    ¡°Do they increase our endurance or learning comprehension?¡± Caitlyn said.


    ¡°Something like that. This is magical plant-based lubricant.¡± Garth pointed at the bottle. ¡°It makes things go in other things easier. And this,¡± Garth said, picking up the buttplug. ¡°Is a buttplug. It plugs the butt.¡±


    At Caitlyn¡¯s horrified face, Garth cackled madly and tossed aside the sex-toy, where the illusion dissolved in the forest. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m sorry, but I couldn¡¯t help it. I tried really hard not to want to do that, but the gag was totally worth it.¡±


    Garth cleared his throat at Alicia¡¯s intense stare, putting his Sensei face back on.


    ¡°Moving on,¡± Garth said, coming to the last item on the table, a fifty-gallon wooden barrel with a bunch of paper cups next to it. ¡°One barrel of Garth-Aid? the Thirst Eviscerator. It¡¯s got what apprentices crave.¡±


    ¡°And what does it have?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°It¡¯s got Electrolytes.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Huh?¡± Alicia asked, brows furrowed in confusion.


    ¡°It¡¯s probably from his TeeVee. You might think he¡¯s odd, but it makes sense when you realize most of his behavior stems from copying funnier people from a thousand years ago.¡± Mrs. Banyan said as she wheeled a barrel of Garth-aid? past them. The volume was still increasing, and Garth was starting to get a little concerned.


    ¡°Eight hundred and fifty years ago, thank you very much,¡± Garth said, leaning on the table with a scowl.


    ¡°Anyway, that¡¯s all I could prep on such short notice,¡± Garth said, picking up the two clickers and holding one in either hand.


    ¡°Let¡¯s begin with your stance,¡± Garth said, adopting the familiar stance of the Divine Lantern Technique. Garth wasn¡¯t going to teach them Lanterns, at least not yet. Not when he couldn¡¯t trust them one hundred percent, and certainly not when using it would draw the wrong sort of interplanetary attention before they were ready to deal with it, but he could at least build the foundation.


    ¡°You girls are right handed, right?¡± Garth asked, and they nodded.


    ¡°This is my Lantern,¡± he said, tucking Caitlyn¡¯s clicker to his chest. ¡°This is my Spool,¡± he said, wiggling the fingers of his right hand as he crouched.


    Wonder if I could come up with some inane training techniques that would let them practice in their daily lives and pull a Mr. Miyagi on them.


    Wax on, Wax off.


    As long as I don¡¯t let being a Sensei get to my head. Garth briefly recalled the buttplug prank. Too late.


    ¡°Caitlyn, straighten your back a little until you feel tension in your stomach and butt¡­good.¡±


    Green button.


    Alicia¡¯s posture was better, being a consumate fencer, but her offhand placement wasn¡¯t great.


    ¡°Alicia, wrap your left hand in a little tighter, use your wrist to really shield your lantern. Good.¡±


    Green button.


    Garth walked around them and made minor adjustments to their form and reinforced exactly when they were in the right position with a minor blast of good vibes. Once they had the posture down, he let them stretch out, before having them jump into and out of the Divine Lantern stance.


    ¡°Why,¡± Alicia asked between hops into and out of Divine Lantern Stance. ¡°Are we doing this?¡±


    ¡°She who questions her training, only trains herself at asking questions.¡± Garth said sagely.


    ¡°What!?¡±


    ¡°That one was from a movie too,¡± Caitlyn panted, hopping into the stance smoothly. ¡°Saw it last night.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re ruining my mystique.¡± Garth said bitterly. He didn¡¯t hit the red button though. Actually having someone to bounce things off of was refreshing. Punishing them for quips seemed like a great way to shut them up, but Garth didn¡¯t want that. That would be dull.


    ¡°Alright, five minute power stretches,¡± Garth said once the two of them were dripping with sweat and visibly in pain from holding the awkward pose. ¡°Channel all the mana you can handle and hold it there in front of you.¡± Garth said, instructing them to sit crosslegged.


    Once again, he wasn¡¯t teaching them the specific technique to make a Lantern, just strengthening their Mana Control for that possible eventuality.


    No one suffered from having a higher Mana Control.


    The girls sat across from each other and began drawing mana into an amorphous lump in front of themselves. Caitlyn¡¯s eyes were closed, and a few rather decent sized lumps of mana were accumulating, swirling around her hands like living things, moving to the timing of her breath.


    On the other hand, Alicia was enviously staring at Caitlyn¡¯s lumps, her own mana control faltering and flickering in a jerky, awkward way.


    Garth squatted down beside her.


    ¡°Is looking at her going to make you any better? Close your eyes.¡±


    Alicia did so.


    ¡°Take a deep breath. Focus first on quality before size. Don¡¯t try to make a bigger lump of mana than her, just harness a tiny bit of mana that moves exactly the way you want, then slowly add to it.


    In front of Garth¡¯s eyes, the jittery mana scattered everywhere, leaving a tiny sliver of white mana, that bent and twisted in front of her hands like a serpent. It slowly grew, until it was about the size of two earthworms stuck together, and then Alicia¡¯s brows furrowed, and it began to shake again.


    ¡°Stop. Back it off a little.¡±


    The shaking stopped and it returned to its snake-like smoothness.


    ¡°There, hold that for five minutes.¡± Garth said, setting a mental timer.


    Alicia nodded, keeping her eyes closed.


    ¡°Caitlyn, you¡¯re slipping a little.¡±


    The girl frowned as the amount of mana she was controlling easily at first quickly began to weigh on her.


    By the end of the five minutes they were both clenching their jaws, their mana flickering nigh uncontrollably.


    ¡°Time¡¯s up, that¡¯s the training for today. Good job both of you.¡± Garth said, clicking the heart-shaped button on both of them as they were standing up.


    ¡°Eek!¡± Caitlyn let out a yelp and collapsed forward, breaking her fall with her hands.


    ¡°Nnng¡± Alicia swallowed a moan, but her legs buckled out from under her, dropping her panting back to the ground.


    I love my job sometimes, Garth thought, putting the clickers in his pockets, picking up a paper cup and filling it with the heartstone juice.


    ¡°Now feel free to stretch, walk around a bit, and if you¡¯re thirsty, you should definitely drink some Garth-Aid?, water is an ingredient. Not a major one, but I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll get some hydration.¡±


    ¡°Why do you call it Garth-Aid?¡± Alicia asked.


    Oh crap.


    ¡°Because I had to do some truly evil things to make it,¡± He said mysteriously.


    ¡°Whatever.¡±


    Whew, dodged that bullet.


    Later that night Garth was planning his next day after finishing his backlog of enchanting projects.


    Let¡¯s see, tomorrow, the three of us can do training in the morning, then I can go into town, visit the bakery on the card, Garth glanced at the piece of vellum in his hand.


    Curt¡¯s Bakery


    2431 Fresnel street


    Ask for the first order of the day.


    Meet with the Prima regula, then when the sun is down, maybe snoop around the church, see what all the hubbub is about in regards to Linda¡¯s curse.


    That sounded like a pretty full day, even if you didn¡¯t include running for your life from the baying hounds of the theocracy.


    A movement out of the corner of his eye caught Garth¡¯s attention. Alicia was standing in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot and wringing her hands nervously.


    Garth glanced at the clock that read two in the morning. Garth didn¡¯t sleep much anymore, but she should be in bed.


    ¡°Something I can help you with?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Can we..can we do some more training?¡± she asked.


    Garth felt his eyebrows climb up his forehead.


    ¡°Magic training?¡±


    She opened her mouth, closed it again, hesitated, and spoke.


    ¡°No...¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Garth processed that for a moment. ¡°Ooooh.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 163: The safe word Is Pequod

    ¡°So then I told him, ¡®Oh my god, I¡¯ve never felt anything like that before! What are you doing to me!?¡¯¡± Benedette cried, slamming the table with her hands and moaning, tossing her hair as she re-enacted her night over with the merchant¡¯s son.


    Susie chortled, nearly spilling her drink all over the dinner table. Kyle had his head in his hands, while James smirked, leaning back in his chair.


    The rest of the Denton children were either mollified or confused.


    ¡°He said,¡± Benedette lowered her voice and furrowed her brow. ¡°You like that baby?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Yes!¡± she shouted slamming the table, before the expression drained from her face, her jaw hanging slack as she stared at the ceiling.


    ¡°And next week we got the contract.¡± She said, looking back down at her audience.


    ¡°That¡¯s awesome!¡± Alicia said, starry eyed at her elder sister¡¯s exploits.


    ¡°That¡¯s a good example of one little trick for wrapping men around your finger,¡± Maggie said, smiling.


    ¡°May I be excused?¡± Kyle asked, ¡°seeing as I don¡¯t plan on fucking a dude anytime soon.¡±


    ¡°You may not.¡± Aunt Maggie said, directing a cold gaze at him. ¡°You benefit just as much from knowing when people are manipulating you.¡±


    Maggie turned back to the table, and in that moment, her eyes landed on Alicia, and she knew Maggie was talking to her specifically.


    ¡°Pride is a terribly seductive thing. If a man feels like he¡¯s uncovered some hidden side of your sexuality, his pride will render him blindly enamored with you.¡±


    Alicia lay in bed, staring at the wall, reminiscing over the past, before things became quite as ugly as they were now.


    It¡¯s not bad advice, she thought to herself. Maybe she could use this as the jumping off point to exert a bit more control over Edward.


    Then the memory continued unbidden.


    ¡°Next week, I¡¯ll be attending a charity ball.¡±


    ¡°Ooh, ooh,¡± The younger Alicia shouted, raising her hand, ¡°Can I come?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t see why not.¡±


    ¡°Yess,¡± Alicia fist-pumped. Now she could finally take a step into the world of intrigue she¡¯d only heard about.


    ¡°You¡¯ll have to reign in that enthusiasm, though,¡± Maggie said with a wry grin.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Alicia¡¯s eyes snapped open as she gave a soft cry, throwing the silk sheets off as she sat up. She took a deep breath and glanced at Caitlyn, who breathed deeply in the bed on the other side of the room.


    Alicia shuddered at the memory. Ugh, not that, not now,


    She took a deep breath and the shaking of her fingers gradually slowed. She glanced at the door, where the golden light of the hallway spilled into their room, keeping it just barely bright enough to navigate by.


    If he actually had uncovered a hidden side of her that even she hadn¡¯t known about ¨C which he didn¡¯t ¨C  wasn¡¯t that an even better cover than faking it like Benedette? Her limbs started trembling at the thought.


    Alicia didn¡¯t know if it was fear or anticipation.


    She took a deep breath and stood, padding silently towards the door.


    Okay, let¡¯s do this.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°So, what kind of training are you talking about?¡± Garth asked, his chest throbbing furiously. The two of them were in his bedroom, Alicia standing in front of him wearing little more than a t-shirt and a pair of undies. The sight was good for his heart.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­not sure.¡± She said, fidgeting. ¡°It¡¯s just, earlier, when you pulled those splinters out of me, it started...to feel good? I was hoping you could help me get a handle on it.¡±


    ¡°Well, pleasure and pain follow virtually identical pathways in the brain.¡± Garth started yammering, his heart beating so madly he started seeing stars. ¡°It¡¯s fairly common for the two to get mixed up, actually.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked. ¡°Could you¡­could you show me?¡±


    Garth felt like climbing Mount Everest, beating his chest and shouting into the winds, ¡®Look what I have created!¡¯


    Can¡¯t let myself get carried away, Garth struggled to bring himself down off that mountain and get his head out of the clouds. I¡¯m her teacher, and it would be totally immoral to ¨C


    Alicia took off her nightie, revealing her perfectly rounded, modest breasts. The cherry colored nipples stood proudly in the air for a moment before she covered them, giving him a shy look.


    A Fatal exception 8008S has occurred at 02:17 in 848YM4K1NG V5. R3450N. The current application will be terminated.


    Rebooting¡­¡­


    Rebooting¡­¡­¡­.


    ¡°I guess I could show you a thing or two,¡± Garth blurted.


    Damnit!


    ¡°What do I do?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Get comfortable.¡± Garth said, motioning to the bed. He held out his hand and floated the riding crop over to himself.


    ¡°Now, Garth said, pacing back and forth riding crop in hand. ¡°I¡¯ll admit I don¡¯t have a lot of practical experience on the subject, but I did study it. And no, I¡¯m not just talking about porn.¡±


    Al looked confused.


    ¡°Yesterday was a fluke. You can¡¯t just start hurting a masochist and assume they¡¯re gonna get off on it. You¡¯ve gotta get them in the mood. Since the pathways in the brain are so similar, if you get them a little aroused first, the pump is primed. Then you can start hurting them. In moderation.¡±


    Garth realized he was producing less-than-sexy word salad, but his mouth seemed to be running on autopilot.


    ¡°Anyway, common Masochist stuff usually includes a little light bondage as foreplay to get them in the mood. For a lot of them feeling helpless really cranks up the voltage. There¡¯s also¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes, let¡¯s do that.¡± Alicia said hastily, causing Garth to frown.


    That was quicker than I thought.


    That one little slip on Alicia¡¯s part got Garth thinking again. If she never knew she was a masochist, why would she jump into being tied up by a stranger? Wouldn¡¯t she want to experiment a little bit at a time with someone she trusts? I obviously shouldn¡¯t fall into that category.


    Jesus, what the hell am I doing? Garth glanced down at the riding crop in his hand, then really looked at the half naked teenager on his bed. She was pale behind a concealing layer of rouge painted onto her cheeks, he could see the whites all the way around her eyes, and her fingertips were trembling.


    She was terrified.


    Holy crap, she almost got me.


    She had been trying to make him sex-stupid! And it had worked! She had to be punished, but at the same time she was already terrified.


    How do you go about punishing a teenage masochist who is already scared in a meaningful way? Tricky.


    In Garth¡¯s study of behavior control, the punishment had to be unpleasant for the receiver, but not to the point that it espoused fear or vengeful feelings. Impartial. Physical punishments were right out, seeing as she might enjoy it, and he couldn¡¯t really use the clicker, since she was already in a heightened state of anxiety. Didn¡¯t wanna cause a meltdown or heart attack.


    I think I got it.


    One of the most important things in training an animal to behave was proving that your will was stronger than theirs.


    ¡°Very well,¡± Garth said. With a motion, smooth wooden shackles sprang out of the bed and bound her hands and feet before pulling with inhuman force, spreading her arms and legs apart, revealing her entire young body to him and rendering her helpless.


    The trembling spread.


    ¡°Masochists also like to have gags, so they can¡¯t scream really loud and wake up their roommates.¡± Garth said with a learned air.


    ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia said, nodding, obviously forcing herself to go with whatever he suggested.


    Garth manifested a bit gag made of smooth wood and pressed it against the girl¡¯s soft lips, until she hesitantly opened her mouth and allowed it to settle between her teeth.


    Garth strapped it tight before he took a step back and studied the topless young girl strapped down to his bed, her breathing coming fast and hard as the act hit her too close to home. She was scared out of her mind.


    More than the situation warrants, I¡¯d say.


    Garth put his thumb under his chin and tapped his cheek.


    ¡°Maybe tilt you up a bit.¡±


    At his mental command, the dungeon adjusted the bed and the manacles so she was in a more comfortable half-seated position.


    ¡°Comfy?¡±


    She nodded.


    Try to manipulate me, huh? I¡¯ll show you what happens.


    ¡°The biggest defining feature of a masochist is they find pleasure in suffering.¡± Garth said, standing over the bed, wielding the riding crop menacingly.


    ¡°Sometimes guilt can be a factor, especially when aforementioned masochist is trying to manipulate the other person. You wouldn¡¯t happen to feel guilty anything, would you?¡± Garth asked.


    Alicia¡¯s eyes widened further and she began bucking in the bed, trying to escape. Alas, the bonds were magically reinforced, and her concentration was far too poor to strike back at him with magic.


    ¡°That¡¯s what I thought,¡± Garth said solemnly, tracing her sides with the riding crop.


    ¡°You can forget about enjoying this, because I¡¯m about to punish you, and it¡¯s not gonna be fun.¡± Garth said with an evil grin.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to inflict on you, the most terrible, most awful, most insufferable suffering I¡¯ve ever been forced to endure:


    Garth swung the riding crop backwards, forcing her to flinch. When he pulled his hand forward again, it instead held the illusion of a large blue tome.


    ¡°A.P. Lit.¡± he said with a deep, foreboding tone.


    Alicia¡¯s brows furrowed in confusion as Garth opened the book, created a rocking chair and threw his feet up beside her.


    He began using his perfect memory to recite it word for word.


    ¡°Call me Ishmael. Some years ago ¨C never mind how long precisely ¨C  having little or no money in my purse and nothing in particular to interest me on shore¡­¡±


    ****


    Caitlyn silently backed away from the cracked open doorway, her blood so loud in her ears that she honestly couldn¡¯t tell if she was really being quiet or not.


    ¡°Munasei, that was hot,¡± she muttered, slinking back to her room.


    ****


    The first stage was denial. Alicia tried to shut him out, closing her eyes and humming, doing everything she could to stop him from reading. Unfortunately she was bound and gagged, and his voice made its way into her ears no matter what she did.


    The second stage was anger: Struggling against her bonds with inhuman strength and trying to scream at him through the gag.


    The third stage was bargaining, looking up at him sweetly with tear-filled eyes that begged him to stop reading.


    The fourth stage was depression, with Alicia numbly staring at the ceiling while Garth continued reading from the epic yarn.


    The fifth stage was acceptance, but unfortunately, the break of dawn and Mrs. Banyan¡¯s call for breakfast interrupted their six-hour moment together before she could really start to enjoy the description of the Pequod¡¯s belowdecks.


    Garth freed Alicia, the raven-haired girl stumbling expressionlessly over to her nightgown, throwing it over her head, and wandering toward the exit.


    Garth glanced down at the marks on her arms and legs and felt a pang of guilt. I¡¯m responsible for that, I should fix it.


    Seemed like a good opportunity to test the rod.


    ¡°Hold on a sec,¡± he said, grabbing the black riding crop and delivering a solid smack against the girl¡¯s rounded booty. With an audible crack, the slowly manifesting bruises on her wrists disappeared like they¡¯d never been.


    Yep, it works.


    ¡°NNggg.¡± she groaned in pleasure, twitching and leaning on the wall as her legs gave out, sinking her to her knees and panting. Alicia gave him a passionate, teary eyed glance over her shoulder before continuing her shuffle out of his room.


    ¡°Buh byee¡­¡± Garth waved.


    ***Alicia***


    After Edward had given them their new material for the day and personally instructed them, he¡¯d left them to their own devices, claiming he needed to take care of some business in town.


    Alicia sat across from Caitlyn in the early morning sun, passing a ball of mana back and forth, altering it between each pass to make it more difficult for the opposite party to regain control of it. It was an exercise to practice spell combat against an opponent, and fine-tune one¡¯s mana control in the process.


    Quickly letting go and reacquiring control of mana was a very basic skill that was the foundation of being an excellent spellslinger.


    Unfortunately, Alicia kept dropping it, missing the ball of mana entirely and allowing it to dissipate against her chest, forcing them to start the process over and over again.


    She was so tired, but at the same time, more relaxed than she¡¯d ever been in her life, like some kind of burden had been dredged out of her very heart. It made it almost impossible to keep her eyes open.


    Just when she¡¯d thought everything was over, her heart singing in relief, that last unexpected burst of pain combined with the cooling sensation replacing the pain in her limbs had started some kind of chain reaction that sent her shuddering to her knees.


    I was toyed with, Alicia thought, the notion causing conflicting indignation and desire. That man toyed with me. She wasn¡¯t sure anymore whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.


    ¡°Rough night?¡± Caitlyn asked, causing Alicia to start, her eyes shooting open.


    Alicia nodded.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t get much sleep?¡±


    Alicia nodded.


    ¡°Edward keep you busy?¡±


    Alicia nodded off.


    ¡­


    ¡°Thought so,¡± Caitlyn said, doing self-study as she thought back to what she¡¯d seen the night before. It was pretty intense right up until he started reading from that book. Caitlyn hadn¡¯t gotten much sleep either.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 164: drop a loaf

    Garth walked into the bakery, expecting the wonderful smell of baked goods and a glass case full of delicious breads to choose from. What he got instead was the smell of smoke and faint mildew, and an assortment of awful crackers, made from B or even C grade flour, that seemed to have chunky bits in it.


    There was a beetle carapace sticking out of one of the flat, brick-hard pieces of bread.


    Ah right, the plight of the people totally slipped my mind¡­


    Welp, my hopes for a raspberry white chocolate roll have been dashed.


    Strangely enough, the place was actually pretty popular, emaciated men and women wandering in every minute or two and dropping a credit for a short stack of flatbreads.


    Garth strolled up to the front counter where a freckled kid with a youthful handsomeness, and an older, balding fella worked the counter.


    ¡°Hi, what can I get for you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d like the first order of the day.¡± Garth said, leaning on the counter. He could do that now, as he was approaching six foot two, and everything was starting to look small and leanable.


    Must have been what Jim felt like all the time.


    The two behind the counter tensed in their white baker uniforms, before the older one nodded and headed toward the back.


    Garth followed him idly with his gaze before glancing back to the kid.


    ¡°Do you guys sell white chocolate raspberry rolls?¡±


    He shook his head.


    ¡°White chocolate blueberry?¡±


    He shook his head again.


    What am I thinking? The only non-plant based product in those recipes is the eggs and butter. I could just make it myself.


    Garth tapped his fingers on the counter, glancing around.


    ¡°You guys have eggs & butter?¡±


    ¡°Is that some kind of code word?¡± The kid asked, looking thoroughly confused. ¡°I just started working here, and they only told me the one.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Cody.¡±


    ¡°Cody, when a man asks you if you have eggs and butter, it¡¯s because he wants to know if you have eggs and butter.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not much older than me.¡± Cody said.


    Clarion Call


    ¡°Butter!¡±


    Mana shot out of Garth¡¯s mouth and lodged itself directly into Cody¡¯s brain, keeping him on task.


    ¡°We¡¯ve got a five pound slab in the back!¡± Cody yelped. ¡°And eggs!¡±


    ¡°Excellent,¡± Garth said, lifting the bar and striding behind the counter.


    ¡°Hey you¡¯re not supposed to¡­okay.¡± Cody mumbled as Garth towered over him, ambling into the kitchen portion of the bakery.


    ****


    All the disparate bits of breadmaking experience Garth had ever had were easily accessible due to his insane amount of Memory, and applicable due to his Intelligence.


    An hour later, the white chocolate and berry sweetbreads were just about to finish rising when Linda showed up.


    ¡°Good to see you¡¯ve settled in to your new life¡­as a baker.¡± Linda said, cocking her head to the side.


    ¡°I had a craving. I¡¯m literally the apostle of a goddess of plenty, so, you know, food¡¯s not really a problem.¡± Garth said, carefully moving the loaf to the oven, where Cody was in charge of keeping the wood-fired temperature regulated.


    ¡°Let me show you something,¡± Linda said, nodding deeper into the kitchen the way she¡¯d come.


    ¡°But¡­White chocolate berry bread.¡± Garth said, pointing at the lump of dough.


    Linda raised an eyebrow, power radiating off of her like heat from a bonfire.


    ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± Garth said, ¡°I can get it on the way out.¡± He glanced back at Cody. ¡°Give it another ten minutes to rise, then bake it. It¡¯s got extra moisture from the chocolate, so make sure you bake it a little longer. Dark brown on the outside, but not burnt, a¡¯right?¡±


    Cody nodded.


    ¡°And I swear, if there¡¯s not some left for me when I get back¡­.¡± Garth raised his hand menacingly. ¡°I¡¯m gonna do somethin¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Got it.¡±


    ¡°Edward?¡± Linda asked pointedly.


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s go.¡±


    Not too surprisingly, she led him to a tiny trapdoor in a closet with a ladder leading down into the sewers. The square was barely big enough to get his shoulders through, leading Garth to exhale and scrunch his shoulders together shortly before he squeezed down into the tunnel, climbing down the ladder and worming his way backwards until he managed to set his feet on some stone.


    Linda followed behind him, tugging some stone plate out of the wall and settling it beneath the trap door.


    The smell of human shit, after a certain point, no longer had a smell, really, it was more like being punched in the olfactory.


    Garth briefly considered making some algea of something to deoderize it, but figured Linda probably wanted her secret hideout to be as authentic as possible, so he simply created a light above his head and followed.


    After about ten minutes of walking, and passing by a few nauseous looking guards, Linda beat on an iron door clearly welded into the tunnel by magic.


    She and the doorman exchanged a brief, cryptic exchange before the door swung open, revealing an almost respectable War Room, with a table with wooden soldier figurines and everything.


    ¡°You guys ever get together on the weekend and play Risk?¡±


    They only had two colors, though.


    God, I could go for a game night. That¡¯s my next punishment: Monopoly. Topless Monopoly.


    Garth¡¯s comment earned a lot of angry stares from the steely haired men and women hunched around the board, who¡¯d stopped their hushed tactic-ing when he¡¯d walked in the door.


    The older ones were angry, but their gaze flickered over to Linda then back to Garth, restraining themselves.


    The younger ones, well¡­


    ¡°Who the hell do you think you are?¡± a young man got into Garth¡¯s face, outraged for his superiors. It reminded Garth of those stuffy Japanese CEO¡¯s who have people to get angry for them.


    ¡°These people have given up their lives!¡±


    Garth furrowed his brows, and looked at the kid like one would look at a retarded puppy, then tapped himself on the chest and spoke slowly, so he would understand.


    ¡°Me too.¡±


    The kid looked about half ready to explode when Linda cleared her throat, drawing attention to herself.


    ¡°So, the last week or so, I¡¯ve been giving you a few specific history lessons. You remember those?¡±


    They nodded.


    ¡°Good, then I¡¯m happy to present to you, Mr. Garth Daniels.¡± She said, pointing to him.


    Total silence dominated the war room. even the young messengers running orders back and forth stopped to stare, creating something of a pile-up as new ones stacked up behind them, craning their necks and standing on their toes to see over each other.


    ¡°¡¯Sup?¡±


    Continued silence.


    ¡°He¡¯s just a kid,¡± Garth heard someone mutter in the distance.


    ¡°Maybe this will help.¡± Garth said, unbuttoning his shirt and using magic to surgically remove the disguise enchantment buried beneath his skin.


    Garth¡¯s skin turned purple, his newly regrowing stubble of hair turned green, and the tension level in the room skyrocketed.


    ¡°What I wanted to show you is over here,¡± Linda said.


    Garth wasn¡¯t sure if the crowd of military types was parting for Linda or him, but either way, they were able to get to what looked like nothing more than an overlook, the kind you might see in a cheap Hawaiian hotel, letting you look down on¡­more hotels.


    Garth had no idea what it was doing in the middle of the sewer system, but he wasn¡¯t complaining.


    They walked out onto the balcony, and Garth looked down, marveling at the scenery before him.


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s a little impressive,¡± He said.


    A quarter mile below him, Tens of thousands of tiny, dark-colored Tzetin soldiers worked nonstop to expand a room that was large beyond the rational limit. In the enormous expanse, some trained, some swung swords, shot magic or arrows, more were running wheelbarrows full of dirt in and out of an Honest-to-God Gate, ensuring the displaced dirt would never find its way onto the surface, allowing nearly limitless expansion.


    Garth glanced up and spotted an adamantium latticework above him keeping the city above them separate from the city below.


    Garth¡¯s gaze was drawn back to the little blue circle on the far end of the cavern, nearly a mile away.


    Hello, Multiverse.


    ¡°Whaddya think?¡±


    ¡°As evil underground empires go,¡± Garth said, leaning on the bannister. ¡°You¡¯ve done very well for yourself.¡±


    ¡°Bah, it could be a lot better. I used to have eight of those gates,¡± She motioned to the glowing blue circle far in the distance.


    ¡°Now I have one. Three cities almost as big as this one, hundreds of years worth of effort for each one, destroyed.¡±


    Hmm¡­


    ¡°Entire cities, this big?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Almost.¡± Linda turned to face him, leaning on the bannister as well. ¡°When the Dan Ui started claiming Earth for themselves, using Jim as a proxy, I knew that the most powerful piece to have access to are these gates, so I stole some. Eight of them.¡±


    She pointed up. ¡°Directly above us is where the former gatehouse was. I trashed that one, and buried one I got from outpost 3506 directly underneath it. Every time they see that point on the map, they think, ¡®nah, that gate was smashed¡¯. Makes something of a blind spot.¡±


    She glanced back to the gate below them. ¡°As far as I know, that¡¯s the only way off planet, right there.


    ¡°Is that itet¡¯s hive?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Sure is,¡± she said. ¡°I helped her get offplanet shortly after you got roasted and Earth was declared a quarantine zone.¡±


    ¡°A wha?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s just say your evil twin is widely considered a-¡° Linda gave him air quotes. ¡°Doomsday Scenario. It¡¯s one of the reasons Earth is so human-centric again. Very low tourism the first five hundred years. The quarantine¡¯s been lifted, but people are a little hesitant to visit.¡±


    ¡°Like Chernobyl.¡±


    ¡°Exactly.¡±


    ¡°The Dan Ui continued the tradition of cutting Earth off from the rest of the Spheres. If people aren¡¯t bringing new ideas and information in from other planets, it makes it that much easier to maintain the status quo.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Garth stared at the Gate, representing the freedom go anywhere he wanted and do anything. Maybe Evil Earth is nice this time of year. They probably didn¡¯t have storybooks depicting him as evil incarnate.


    ¡°Is Itet still alive?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Wanna visit?¡±


    ¡°I do indeed.¡±


    Garth jumped over the bannister and caught himself in midair with Fly, sailing through the air toward the Gate.


    ¡°So tell me, how does the empire manage to destroy three cities comparable to this one, when they have someone like you on their side?¡± Garth asked ¡°Did they leave some Clan members behind, because I refuse to believe you can¡¯t handle a couple Inquisitors. What do they have that you don¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°They have Jim.¡±


    Garth nearly fell out of the sky, dropping a good twenty feet before he got his air-legs under him again.


    ¡°Jim¡¯s ALIVE?¡± Garth asked, regaining altitude as Linda watched him with quiet amusement.


    ¡°He sure is. Immortality was one of the first things he got. A reward for being the Dan-Ui¡¯s liaison on Earth. He¡¯s the Founder, worshipped as a living god, and from their point of view, it¡¯s justified.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said, turning numb inside. It was the only way to avoid flying into a rage in mid-air. You know what they say: Don¡¯t fly angry. Looks like I¡¯ve got someone to ask pointed questions to about Sandi and my legacy. Can¡¯t kill him right off the bat, though. There¡¯s always the tiniest chance my brother isn¡¯t a complete scumbag.


    ¡°You¡¯ll need a lot more than what you¡¯ve got now if you want to bring him down.¡± Linda said. ¡°He and I have both advanced to Tier four, but he¡¯s slightly stronger in one-on-one combat.¡± She narrowed her eyes. ¡°Which I find irritating.¡±


    ¡°Does it look like I want to hurt my brother?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°All over your face.¡±


    The two of them glided down to a stop in front of the Gate, and without missing a beat, joined the line of Ant-people going into the Gate.


    The cool wet of the underground was replaced with hot sun and dry wind, the soft background noise of Tzetin practicing replaced by the ring of steel and the screams of the dying.


    All around him, Tzetin were fighting to the death.


    ¡°Ummm¡­¡± Garth said, scanning the battlefield. Burnt tree stumps were everywhere, and Tzetin were unloading their wheelbarrows of dirt to create a ramp leading up into the castle formed of a pale green stone.


    On top of the walls, crimson, black haired Benkei shot arrows and balls of fire that detonated on contact with the ant-soldier¡¯s heavy shields.


    The explosions and the trenches reminded Garth of stories of world war one, except for the magic and the castle, that was.


    ¡°Well, this is a mess,¡± Garth said, putting his hands on his hips. Probably not gonna get back in time for that bread.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 165: Old Friends

    Garth followed the stream of Tzetin relaying orders back and forth, meandering through the hectic battlefield until he found what he was looking for: A Tzetin much grander than the others, carapace pale with age, overseeing the battlefield with steady determination.


    As he came close, several ant-people raised their weapons and waggled their antennae in the Threatening/Protective gesture.


    ¡°Yo Itet, is that you?¡± Garth shouted, waving his arms just outside the Tzetin kill range, Linda standing beside him. The enormous Tzetin roused, seemingly exerting effort to look at them.


    ¡°Who is this disrespectful one?¡± the queen asked.


    ¡°He¡¯s Garth.¡±


    ¡°The living one, or the dead one?¡± she asked, clambering painfully to her feet.


    ¡°The dead one.¡±


    ¡°Really!?¡± The ten-foot tall queen bent low to study him. ¡°His mandibles look different. Our Garth was more handy than handsome.¡±


    ¡°I can be both,¡± Garth muttered. He held up his hand and focused on a spore floating directly above his palm. In a breath, a sundew formed on his palm.


    ¡°Charlie, the immortal sundew.¡± Garth said, presenting it to Itet. Linda frowned, but that made sense. Charlie was a bit of insider information about them.


    Itet¡¯s antennae began to twitch wildly, studying him even closer.


    ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°Trade secret.¡± Garth said. ¡°But I¡¯m pretty sure it¡¯s illegal in all fifty states. Unlike animal fucking.¡± Lotta half-animal people running around.


    ¡°So¡­what does your hive do for a living right now?¡± Garth said into the awkward silence.


    ¡°As you see.¡± Itet said, motioning to the battlefield with her stiff joints.


    Garth did see. Seemed like a few too many Tzetin getting maimed for OSHA standards to apply. He wanted to help, but¡­


    ¡°I thought you wanted to get away from your hive being used as mercenary forces.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t get me wrong, I don¡¯t enjoy it, but it¡¯s what is expected of our race. We have made excellent strides, though. My hive is never underpaid for our efforts, due to the formation of the lawyer caste.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Garth said, frowning.


    ¡°Yes, a scholar who navigates the law, fights dishonesty, and can even engage in some from time to time, on behalf of the hive. It was the crystallization of what my Queen had always wanted. Every now and then a youngling is hatched with the predisposition.¡±


    ¡°As a matter of fact,¡± Itet turned her head to the side. ¡°Chi¡¯tet, come here.¡±


    A slender, dark carapaced Tzetin came over to them, holding some kind of binder tucked in the elbow of one of her arms.


    ¡°Yes, my Queen?¡±


    ¡°Chi¡¯tet, this is an old dead friend of mine who has returned from the grave to visit.¡±


    ¡°Did he ask for money?¡± Chi¡¯tet asked, turning her focus on him, her antennae lowered in suspicion ¡°Offer a quick credit, or a convenient solution to a problem?¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t she precious?¡± Itet said, patting the smaller bug on the back and nearly causing her to drop her binder. Queens are big.


    A mercenary army of Tzetin might come in handy.


    ¡°Actually, since you¡¯ve got the soldiers ¨C¡°


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell you the same thing I told her,¡± She pointed at Linda with her antennae. ¡°I won¡¯t risk my entire Hive trying to overthrow a Clan.¡±


    That wasn¡¯t entirely unexpected.


    ¡°How about one of them lawyers, then?¡± Garth nodded at Chi¡¯tet.


    Itet considered, her antennae twitching thoughtfully.


    ¡°My Queen!¡± Chi¡¯tet said. Garth wasn¡¯t sure exactly what the posture her antennae were in, but he guessed it was aghast.


    ¡°Prove you¡¯re Garth, end this conflict quickly and save a few lives of my hivemates, and you may have Chi¡¯tet here.¡±


    ¡°My Queen!¡±


    More aghastness.


    ¡°Tut, child. You needed to go on your Journey sooner or later, If the human is who I he says he is, you should have quite the story upon your return. Or you¡¯ll be dead.¡±


    Hmmm¡­Kill a bunch of people, receive one free lawyer? Garth glanced over his shoulder at the siege going on behind him. He wasn¡¯t exactly comfortable just walking in and mowing them down without knowing the score, but he was afraid that even if he knew the score, he¡¯d still be reluctant to take a side.


    ¡°Please tell me that¡¯s a castle full of pedophiles.¡± Garth pointed his thumb behind him.


    ¡°The current people of Greencastle took it away from the country of Endora a hundred and forty years ago. Now their great grandchildren defend it.¡± Itet said.


    ¡°And what¡¯s going to happen to them when they¡¯re routed?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°They¡¯ll most likely be purged from the castle and replaced with people from Endora.¡±


    ¡°No such thing as a good war, huh?¡± Garth muttered, before a thought occurred to him.


    ¡°You take POWs?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Not usually, no.¡± Itet said.


    ¡°It¡¯s within our authority on the battlefield, but seldom is a single soldier¡¯s ransom worth more than the amount it takes to keep them prisoner and negotiate their release.¡± Chi¡¯tet supplied.


    ¡°Garth, don¡¯t ¨C ¡° Linda began.


    ¡°What if I took them prisoner back in L.A?¡± It was a lot more appealing to Garth than killing people whose only crime seemed to be living there.


    Linda slapped her forehead.


    ¡°How the hell are you going to feed and care for ten thousand prisoners?¡± Linda demanded.


    Garth frowned. Easily?


    ¡°Apparently, you forgot who the fuck you¡¯re dealing with.¡±


    Garth put his hand to the ground and focused in a single spore.


    You¡¯re gonna be a two-stage rocket filled with soporifics.


    Garth supplied the information to the plant, a simple combination of two of his favorite go-to traits. Then he wrapped the seed in two layers of Recursive Casting and stepped away.


    A missile shaped green cactus grew out of the ground, standing about ten feet tall.


    ¡°So, if I can end the fight right here, you wouldn¡¯t mind carting them back to my home base under cover of night?¡± Garth asked, leaning against the missile.


    ¡°I¡¯ll believe it when I see it,¡± Linda said, arms crossed.


    ¡°It¡¯s certainly safer than fighting. I would not mind.¡± Itet said.


    ¡°Cool.¡± Garth took his hand off the rocket and ignited it. The green cactus sailed high up into the air, then split into a hundred, then ten thousand, clouding out the sun with green rockets.


    With a mental nudge, the rockets turned downward, aiming to saturate the castle with their payload.


    It was odd watching the gigantic trail of white smoke made by the rockets filling the sky, drawing a line above the castle that Garth was fairly certain was visible from space.


    When the rockets were only a couple hundred feet away from the castle, a beam of crackling lightning shot out from the walls, detonating the tightly packed missiles prematurely in a chain reaction that lit the entire sky.


    Garth whistled as the distant thumping that sounded like ten thousand M-80¡¯s going off in unison washed over them.


    ¡°Dayum.¡± Garth said, his jacket flapping in the sudden breeze.


    ¡°It was a good try.¡± Linda clapped him on the shoulder. The old woman had a bit of a smug smile.


    ¡°You that slowly settling smoke?¡± Garth asked, pointing. ¡°That¡¯s not smoke.¡± He frowned. I hope I¡¯m not breaking some kind of multiversal wartime laws. He turned to Itet.


    ¡°There isn¡¯t some kind of Spheres Geneva Convention against using chemical warfare, is there?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s rare and expensive, not worth the cost, and barely regulated.¡± Chi¡¯tet supplied.


    ¡°Psssh, Plants make chemicals for free.¡± Garth could have just as easily filled the castle with mustard gas.


    The defenders on the walls began to sag, slowly succumbing to the torpor of sleep.


    ¡°Wait maybe ten minutes, then send your people in to collect my prisoners,¡± Garth said, reaching into his jacket and producing a Garth-Aid?.


    ¡°Want some?¡± Garth asked, making a wooden straw and offering it to Itet.


    ¡°Please,¡± she said, accepting the soft-drink.


    ¡°My Queen!¡±


    ¡°So,¡± Garth said, taking out another Garth-Aid? and popping the top before he turned to Linda. ¡°Tell me about that Church.¡±


    *****


    Wheelbarrows formerly full of dirt were now going in the opposite direction, laden with POWs. They were primarily the crimson-skinned Benkei, but there was a remarkable amount of diversity amongst Garth¡¯s sleepy new hires. A couple minotaurs, some Shinta, a handful of those little pale halflings, corio, quite a few orcs.


    More than half of them were women and children. Each wheelbarrow with a sleeping child in it reassured Garth that he¡¯d made the right choice, despite it being the messier one.


    And really, it was no trouble at all to feed and organize any number of people, why not take advantage of that by unnaturally swelling the size of the city? A few weeks in the paradise he¡¯d created for them, and he was sure the majority of his prisoners would convert, defending their new home while frothing at the mouth.


    And if they didn¡¯t he¡¯d kill them.


    Garth had a sudden epiphany. One of Beladia¡¯s inherent strengths was manpower. He could simply afford to build and feed a bigger army than anyone else, so why not take advantage of that fact?


    And with Mrs. Banyan handling logistics, it¡¯s no skin off my back. She¡¯s the entire executive branch of the government. Hah, branch.


    Garth took a sip of his drink. I hope she¡¯s not mad at me.


    Out of the corner of his eye, Garth noticed Linda watching him closely.


    ¡°You fight like a Clan. Cold, Indifferent, and using overwhelming force from a distance, not even getting your clothes dirty.¡±


    ¡°Correction. I fight like a human. We¡¯d been doing shit like that to each other for close to a hundred years by the time the Spheres showed up. It¡¯s the reason we got fucked so hard.¡±


    She frowned.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t know that? We had long range communication tech, had the concept of nukes and WMDs, transportation, computers, viruses, medicine. Simply put, we had dangerous ideas, and they kicked our asses for it. They want their vassal states to be nice and medieval.¡±


    ¡°I¡­was young. I thought they just hated humans. It took a long time to realize there might be a more political reason for it.¡±


    ¡°Hmm.¡± Garth said, taking another sip.


    ¡°If you¡¯re tasked with displacing people again, would you mind letting me know? I could always use more POWs.¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± Itet said, waving a pale hand, resting on the ground as they watched the stream of sleeping prisoners go by.


    Once Garth¡¯s can was empty, he stood and said his goodbyes to Itet before dragging his prize, the reluctant ant-lawyer with him.


    ******


    ¡°That¡¯s the church of the Founder,¡± Linda said with a scowl as they observed the church from a distance.


    It was a pristine building without a speck of dust that practically sparkled in the sunlight. Statues of Jim in heroic poses battling all manner of monster littered the courtyard.


    ¡°I really like the fact that they got his glutes right,¡± Garth said, pointing at the clenched buns as Jim hurled a spear at some kind of giant scorpion.


    ¡°You seem awfully calm.¡±


    ¡°I laugh, otherwise I¡¯d cry.¡± Garth said, his skin crawling at all of his brother¡¯s statues.


    The church itself was out of mass, since they had arrived so late in the day. The trip into town and visiting the bakery had cost him the opportunity to visit while they expounded on Jim¡¯s virtues in great detail. Thank my god for that.


    ¡°So what are we dealing with?¡± Garth asked, glancing up at the building¡¯s large stained glass windows. One of which detailing his own execution, which had never happened.


    Garth felt his jaw get tight.


    ¡°The church is basically the local branch of the inquisition. They¡¯ve got a spell dampening field, and sensitive equipment inside that can tell them if someone is trying to use magic. They don¡¯t have the strength of arms the Inquisitors have, but they¡¯re dug in like a tick. The community loves them, and they¡¯ve got a lot of fancy doodads to prevent any unwanted intrusion.¡±


    Garth could see the spell dampening field. When little motes of mana squiggled their way into its range, they were dragged to the ground, like they¡¯d suddenly encountered a hundred time earth¡¯s gravity.


    Garth held his hand out, intending to test the field¡¯s effects, but instead stubbing his finger against something like an unyielding pane of glass


    ¡°After mass, they flip a switch, and a forcefield pops up that prevents anyone not wearing a priest¡¯s amulet from coming or going.¡±


    She held out a hand and pressed against the same invisible pane.


    ¡°If you were to break the forcefield, they would automatically send a messenger to the empire. We shouldn¡¯t worry about that too much, since I¡¯m fairly certain you¡¯ve made enough of a stink to bring them out anyway.¡±


    ¡°Pfff.¡±


    ¡°The best bet would be to sneak in with a stolen amulet and disable the orb, then leave.¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± Garth said, studying the building. ¡°I wanna ocean¡¯s eleven this sumbitch.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Too young?¡± Garth asked with a raised brow, and got a cold look in return.


    ¡°I think we should switch your curse orb out for a fake, then we can destroy it at our leisure. That would be especially important if I¡¯m no longer related to the asshat. I also think we should do it during mass, because stealing it in front of a huge crowd would be funnier.¡±


    ¡°Are you shitting me?¡±


    ¡°Hmm?¡± Garth caught her unbelieving stare. ¡°You gotta enjoy what you do or it doesn¡¯t turn out right.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m starting to see why you got killed the first time.¡±


    ¡°That was one hundred percent not my fault.¡± Garth said. ¡°I was totally fine until my teacher¡¯s enemies showed up out of Bumfuque Nowhere.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°Guess I should make a plan to visit this place during mass.¡± Garth muttered. He needed to see what it looked like on the inside before he could figure out exactly what he was going to do.


    ¡°Can I help you, my child?¡± A man¡¯s voice rumbled form behind him.


    Garth turned and found that Linda had vanished, leaving him talking to himself just outside the church¡¯s courtyard. Chi¡¯tet was already on her way to L.A. through the tunnels beneath the city.


    A priest stood in front of him, wearing a black silk robe that looked both elegant and practical. Beneath the silk, garth could tell that his body was covered in whirling mana from all the enchantments studded beneath his clothes. The guy was secretly armed to the teeth, and he was giving Garth a suspicious look.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 166: Tell me About the Bad Guy

    Macronomicon


    Garth flicked his gaze back up to the priest. If the guy catches me staring at his goodies, that¡¯s probably all she wrote.


    ¡°Good to meet you, priest. I¡¯m Carl Jung from the north, and I was curious about your faith.¡± Garth said, holding out his hand as the chill of Pala¡¯s blessing rolled off his tongue.


    The best way to get a priest to stop talking about you is to get them talking about their faith.


    ¡°Well met, young man,¡± the priest said, vigorously shaking Garth¡¯s hand. ¡°I envy you the journey of discovery you are about to embark on!¡±


    Garth barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes, then the man grabbed him by the shoulder and led him through the barrier, the magic sliding around them as they entered.


    Garth¡¯s heart skipped a beat as he was guided into the suppression field, but the enchantment keeping his skin human colored didn¡¯t falter, thank Beladia. I wasn¡¯t looking forward to washing priest off my hands today.


    ¡°The story of the Founder is a tale as old as time, the one truth that binds all people together¡­.¡±


    Garth started tuning him out, taking in the shape of the church once they were inside. The inside was just as lofty and grand as it had appeared from the outside, lit by brilliant sunlight streaming in through the beautiful, if historically inaccurate stained glass windows.


    There were pews, and a pulpit, plenty of gold and silk, and behind all of that, a black statue of a rather curvaceous woman holding an orb about the size of a small beach ball. It was dark, dark blue green with a semi-transparent outside, and just barely visible beneath the surface were intricate carvings in a rather large core, buried beneath the glass protective sheath.


    ¡°And then on the third day, the Founder rose from the dead.¡±


    ¡°Wait, what?¡± Garth asked, his attention snapping back to the priest.


    The man repeated himself, and Garth¡¯s jaw slowly dropped at the sheer volume of things that had been lifted straight out of The Bible, with a few names copy-pasted.


    If it ain¡¯t broke, don¡¯t fix it, I guess.


    The man must have taken Garth¡¯s slack jaw for amazement, because he grinned and continued to tell the story of Jim-Jesus the Founder.


    ¡°I don¡¯t mean to sound like a nonbeliever, and I certainly don¡¯t mean to cause any¡­violence, but what about, you know, the gods?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Oh, there¡¯s no problem at all. He is Kolath¡¯s son, made from himself. His is the word of the gods, because he is them.¡±


    ¡°Got it,¡± Garth said, nodding.


    He didn¡¯t get it.


    ¡°Was there anything more you would like to hear? You¡¯re more than welcome to join our mass, and we¡¯ve got a special program to help foreigners get settled into the city.¡±


    I¡¯ll bet you do. Anything more I¡¯d like to hear, huh?


    ¡°I¡¯d like to hear more about Garth Daniels.¡± Garth said, barely suppressing a grin.


    ¡°Wha, what?¡± The man said, blanching. ¡°Why would you want to hear of such an evil¡­thing?¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡° Where I come from, they say a hero¡¯s worth is told most clearly in the villains he fights. That¡¯s why people like batman.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°Old myth,¡± Garth said dismissively ¡°Now how about that bad guy?¡±


    ******


    Finn Jenson hustled through the white halls of the Imperial Palace, his round cheeks jiggling and the towering marble pillars whooshing by as he made his way to the Founder¡¯s chambers.


    He didn¡¯t know what news he was delivering, but the person he was delivering it to meant that it was more important than anything else he¡¯d ever been tasked with handling.


    Finn¡¯s usual boyish curiosity got stomped out hard when he considered taking a peek at the missive in his hand. That was grounds for execution, or worse.


    Finn hustled along the pristine halls, passing maids and the occasional Senator, until he came across the Founder¡¯s Chambers, guarded by two second-tier women who practically radiated power.


    Well, they should have been. There was only a single woman guarding the Founder¡¯s chambers, her cheeks red from exertion, a thin sheen of sweat on her brow. She was wearing heavy steel armor that covered most of her feminine features, save for her face.


    Her apparent exhaustion didn¡¯t seem to stop her from doing her job, though, leveling a spear at Finn¡¯s quivering chin. He tried to back off, but somehow she kept the steel pressed against him.


    ¡°I have ¨C have a message for the Founder,¡± Finn stuttered as the spear dimpled the fat on his neck, slowly holding up the missive. The scroll tube was lined with the purple jade of the Intelligence Department.


    ¡°He¡¯s busy. Not to be disturbed.¡± She said, death in her eyes.


    ¡°It¡¯s time sensitive, Time sensitive!¡± Finn bawled, ¡°That¡¯s what I was told. Please don¡¯t kill me.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you know that only one messenger has been cleared to deliver here?¡± She asked. ¡°And it¡¯s not you. You being here is tantamount to treason, and you know what we do to treasonous scum like you.¡±


    ¡°Caroline, stop badgering the man. You know as well as I do that no one could possibly harm me.¡± The deep voice of the Founder reverberated through the solid oak door.


    ¡°But Foundeeer.¡± The veteran guardswoman¡­whined?


    What is happening here? Finn asked himself, awestruck by the absurdity of it.


    ¡°No Buts.¡±


    The Imperial guard scowled and stood out of Finn¡¯s way.


    ¡°I¡¯ll remember your face, fat man,¡± she whispered as Finn walked up to the door, shaking in his boots.


    ¡°I heard that!¡± The Founder shouted through the door.


    Caroline ¨C he was pretty sure that was her name ¨C clicked her tongue and looked back out at the hall, once again an expressionless statue.


    With trembling hands, Finn pushed open the double doors, and took a moment to parse the scene he was looking at.


    Pieces of steel were strewn about the Founder¡¯s bed,


    The missing guard, shorn of her lower armor, was pressed face-first deep into a silk bed, her hips raised to meet the Founder¡¯s, sending vulgar moans and slaps of skin on skin through the bedroom.


    The Guardswoman made eye contact with the stunned messenger and let out a strangled shout, trying to push herself up.


    ¡°I¡¯ve gotta-¡°


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it, Sasha, just keep doing what you¡¯re doing.¡± The Founder said, forcing the inhumanly strong woman¡¯s head back down into the sheets, until her face was pressed so deep into the covers, she could only breathe by turning her head to the side. He left his hand there until she began to thrust backwards against him again, ignoring Finn¡¯s presence.


    The Founder himself wore a short-chopped brown beard and hair. His lean, muscular body was covered in a sheen of sweat, looking for all the world like a god come to life. Finn had always wanted to look like that.


    ¡°So, Time sensitive message.¡± The Founder said, snapping his fingers to get Finn¡¯s attention.


    ¡°I ah-¡° Finn swallowed a tremendous lump in his throat, then cleared it. ¡°I was assigned to bring you this missive from the Intelligence Department.¡± He raised the scroll case in his hands.


    ¡°Those old ninnies. Never quite been the same since Carolus retired. Well, read it to me.¡±


    ¡°wha, what?¡± Finn asked.


    ¡°Can¡¯t you see I¡¯m busy? Not exactly a stable surface to read on either, if you get my drift.¡± The Founder motioned to the hips in front of his own, punctuating it with a spank, causing the half-armored woman to yelp.


    Finn decided to swallow back whatever retort he might have made against literally anyone else, and just do as he was told.


    He pulled the vellum scroll out of the jade-capped canister, and began decoding the message, written in Spymaster Forian¡¯s dry script.


    ¡°Founder, there have been whisperings of strange happenings in the west. The frontier city of Santo Descanso is dead center of a rash of Prima Regula activity. Added to this the census has been noting a sharp decrease in military age youths in the area, perhaps owing to aggressive recruiting on the part of the Prima Regula and their false queen.


    There have also been rumors of strange occurrences happening among the city¡¯s Garthspawn, but they haven¡¯t been confirmed by the mouths of the nobles.


    ¡°That¡¯s odd,¡± the Founder said, frowning before he shrugged. ¡°Of course they wouldn¡¯t confirm anything. They like to play things close to the vest. Anything else?¡±


    ¡°Several notable figures in the underworld have died or gone missing, and the minor nobility has begun to turn on each other. The Gonzales family has lost their entire harvest of opium and Cocaine, and the Bergstrom family has made a complete reversal of their fortunes.¡± Finn said, paraphrasing as he scanned through the lengthy report.


    The Founder¡¯s eyebrows shot up. ¡°That¡¯s a lot of upheaval for a small city. How¡¯s the Adamantium trade through all this?¡±


    ¡°Holding steady, founder.¡± Finn said.


    ¡°Odd. Lemme see that.¡± The Founder said, releasing his guard to collapse into the bed, a boneless wreck.


    Rather than take it out of Finn¡¯s hands, he stood beside him so the two could both read the information contained within, far more detailed than Finn¡¯s summaries, with charts and stale numbers so dry they almost concealed the intent of the message.


    ¡°You understood all this?¡± The Founder asked. ¡°And summarized it to me in seconds? I¡¯m impressed, kid.¡±


    He took the scroll from Finn¡¯s hand, scanned it once, then the message burst into hissing flames in the god¡¯s grip. ¡°Tell the Intelligence Department that I¡¯m going to send Nathaniel, then meet my people at the West gate. I could use a secretary on this mission and you¡¯re available.¡±


    Nathanial.


    A cold shiver ran down Finn¡¯s spine. The High Inquisitor wasn¡¯t known for his merciful nature, and he didn¡¯t always point his aggression at enemies of the state. He was thorough, though. Some would argue too thorough. The Founder had just put Finn in a very precarious position. The best bet was to blend in with the furniture.


    Finn opened his mouth to say that he was in fact, still employed by the Intelligence Department, but decided the Founder was probably going to get his way, one way or another.


    ¡°I would be honored.¡±


    ¡°¡¯Course you would. Sasha, up! We have to get dressed. People to order about.¡± the Founder began throwing clothes on, muttering as he tugged on a pair of pants.


    I wonder why The Founder doesn¡¯t have any Garthspawn to keep him company. Finn thought, not seeing any sign of the purple women that served the upper class as he glanced around the opulent bedroom.


    The Founder cast him a withering stare over his shoulder, making Finn¡¯s blood freeze in his veins.


    ¡°Because that would make me an animal,¡± he said, then shuddered, making faces and sticking out his tongue as he wiped himself down with a damp towel.


    ¡°Bleh.¡± He glanced at Finn. ¡°You find your relatives attractive?¡±


    ¡°No sir.¡± Finn said, keeping his posture straight and his mind blank.


    ¡°Good. Because I might have had to look for another secretary. Git.¡± He pointed at the door.


    Finn took that as an opportunity to escape, delivering the Founder¡¯s return message to the Intelligence department.


    They seemed surprised that the Founder asked for him specifically, but they didn¡¯t question the decision, simply sending Finn to get fitted for some boiled leather armor and the Intelligence Department¡¯s typical traveling pack, consisting of salt, dried rations, and a notebook.


    ¡®take notes of everything. Especially Nathanial¡¯s behavior.¡¯ The head of the Department had told him.


    Finn wasn¡¯t one hundred percent sure why that was so important, but he had been trained long enough that he knew not to ask questions.


    So when Nathanial, leading four horsemen in gleaming golden armor and four wagons full of support personnel arrived at the West gate, Finn simply made a note and guided his horse to join the expedition.


    ***Caitlyn***


    ¡°Is that all you¡¯re going to do the whole time you¡¯re here?¡± Caitlyn asked, glancing over from her movie at Alicia, who was practicing her Mana Channeling in the living room of Garth¡¯s lair.


    How strange that Alicia still didn¡¯t know who her patron was. The impulse to talk about it was maddening, but until Alicia knew who he was, the agreement she¡¯d signed was still being enforced.


    ¡°Until it¡¯s as natural as breathing.¡± Alicia said, her eyes closed, plump lips downturned in a frown as she manipulated the thread of mana in front of her.


    ¡°I¡¯d bet you¡¯d make more progress if you got more rest. Unwind a little.¡±


    ¡°Says the natural,¡± Alicia said sullenly.


    Not like I wanted to be better at it than you, Caitlyn thought, shrugging and turning her attention back to the movie, as seen through the eyes of the world¡¯s oldest human. Or so he said.


    Caitlyn watched primarily the dramatic movies, mostly for ideas on real technology that had existed in the time Garth Daniels had been around. She had quickly discovered that science fiction and fantasy held a few too many leaps in logic to be useful to her, although some of them introduced interesting concepts, like spacecraft, bioweapons and Dyson spheres.


    She was more interested in things like cars, planes, telephones, cell-phones, toasters, microwaves, and all manner of practical inventions.


    She paused the movie during a scene where a car was making a jump, giving her a good view of the vehicle¡¯s undercarriage and allowing her to make a sketch, when Garth stormed in, still wearing his Edward Disguise. His collar was loosened, and his eyes had bags under them, as though he¡¯d stayed up for days.


    ¡°Ugh, that was terrible!¡± he shouted, unbuttoning his undershirt further, and fanning himself off, the commotion prompting Alicia to open an eye and peek at him.


    ¡°I gotta let off some steam.¡± Garth crooked a finger and mana wound itself around Alicia¡¯s waist, lifting her generous buns off the ground. Her eyes went wide and she silently pawed at the air like a cat as she floated toward Garth¡¯s bedchamber.


    Caitlyn watched Alicia disappear around the corner.


    ¡°Huh,¡± Caitlyn bit her lip and returned to her sketch, desperately trying to keep herself on task.


    It worked for a good half hour.


    Then the muffled shrieking started.


    Heart pounding, Caitlyn set the sketchbook aside, and turned the movie back on to cover the sound of her approach, feeling as if she were a spectator, watching her own body sneak toward the bedroom. The temptation to investigate was too great.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 167: Paul’s Night Out

    ***Paul***


    Carl gave him a pained look as he struggled to pull the cart up the minor slope leading to the hideout of the Iron Legion, A gang that distributed for the Gonzales family. Paul couldn¡¯t see his face, but the look in his eyes screamed ¡®why do I have to pull the damn cart?¡¯


    ¡°Because Ragnar stands out too much.¡± Paul said, his voice muffled through the wool mask drawn over his face. Carl continued to pout, putting his substantial weight into the bar.


    Finally they arrived at the shifty tavern, where the core members of the legion relaxed with their entertainment.


    Paul got a strange look from the doorguard, who fingered his blade as he approached. The mask was a dead giveaway that he intended something nefarious. Problem was, all kinds of nefarious activities happened here on a daily basis, so what was one more to this man?


    ¡°Stop here,¡± Paul said, kicking the cart¡¯s breaks into gear and hauling the top off, revealing three tightly bound young men with hoods over their heads, cutting off their vision completely.


    They began to thrash as he and Carl grabbed them by their arms and roughly hauled them out of the cart.


    ¡°Be still,¡± Paul growled, delivering a light blow to their heads to knock some sense into them. They continued pulling them out and lining them up in front of the Inn, gradually gaining an audience.


    ¡°Delivery for Erena Speakers.¡± Paul spoke to the door guard, holding two of the men while Carl kept the third in line.


    ¡°Take ¡®em off.¡± The man gruffly said, motioning to them. Whether he was talking about Paul¡¯s mask or the men¡¯s hoods, it didn¡¯t really matter; Paul wasn¡¯t taking them off.


    ¡°Oh, you want people to know who just got dragged in here? Your funeral, I guess,¡± Paul said, putting his hand on top of the hood.


    ¡°Hold up.¡± The grizzled door glanced around at their audience, then motioned for them to follow him. ¡°Come.¡±


    He guided the five men through the boisterous tavern to the back room, where six large men were playing a game of dice while their boss sat in the corner, literally snorting coke off a hooker¡¯s genitals.


    The only odd bit to Paul¡¯s eyes was that the hooker was a man, sweating profusely as the opulently dressed woman used a sharp blade to arrange the line of white powder on his rather impressive erection. She made sure everything was nice and straight before closing a single nostril with a delicately painted fingernail and inhaling vigorously, all the way to the tip. she groaned and wrinkled her nose as she glanced back up at Paul.


    Erena Speakers was a dropout from the dwindling Speakers family, who had severed ties with her former house and turned to a life of crime. She¡¯d been somewhat successful, too, forming a gang and allying herself with the underbelly of the Gonzales family.


    She was rather lovely, her slim arms, skinny waist and innocent features belying the sadistic bitch hidden below the surface. As a noble, her endurance made her body tough enough to only show a trace of her drug habit, and her strength was such that she could rule the gang with the threat of violence.


    Not a nice lady.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± she asked, eyes narrowed as the guard showed them through the door. The six thugs in the corner perked up, grabbing their shortswords that were leaning up against the table.


    ¡°I came across something valuable on my travels,¡± Paul said, ¡°Too hot for me, thought I could resell.¡±


    ¡°Take off the stupid masks.¡± She said.


    Paul shrugged and took off the mask, Carl following suit close behind. It was beside the point now.


    ¡°I know your face¡­¡± she said, tapping her cheek and shoving the naked man away from her. ¡°You¡¯re a cop. A detective, right?¡±


    At her words, a few of the men unsheathed their swords, glaring at him angrily.


    ¡°What makes you think you¡¯re gonna leave here alive?¡±


    ¡°Captain now, actually,¡± Paul said, putting his hand on the first hood. ¡°And I¡¯m glad you¡¯ve got such a good memory for faces. Maybe you can tell me who this is?¡±


    Paul ripped the hood off of Jim Evans, the son of Erena¡¯s direct competitor, the leader of the Sixth Street Demons.


    Erena¡¯s eyes went wide.


    ¡°Why give yourself a pain in the ass by killing a captain, when you could ransom little Jimmy here back to daddy?¡±


    Paul smacked the back of the gagged kid¡¯s head to punctuate his sentence. Jim Evan¡¯s eyes went wide when he saw Erena, and he began struggling harder.


    ¡°And his merry men.¡± At Paul¡¯s signal Carl took the hood off of two of the kid¡¯s posse that they¡¯d rounded up with him.


    ¡°You could make a tidy profit.¡± Paul glanced at the scarred man-slave holding the back of his head and wincing from where he¡¯d impacted against the stone wall.


    ¡°Or, do whatever you like to them. I don¡¯t really care as long as I get mine.¡±


    Erena sat forward in her seat, a hungry look in her eyes as she surveyed the goods.


    ¡°I think we can do business¡­captain,¡± she said with a lovely smile.


    ¡°Don¡¯t wear it out. Five thousand credits for the kid, one each for his friends.¡± Paul said gruffly.


    ¡°Seems a bit steep.¡± She said with a frown.


    ¡°We both know you¡¯d make hundreds of times that much if Hugh so much as cedes a single street, so don¡¯t try to lowball me.¡± Paul said.


    The crime boss shrugged, the exotic griffon plumage over her shoulders bobbing as she did.


    ¡°Fine. Far be it from me to stop someone from making a terrible deal.¡± She said with a shrug.


    ¡°Consider it a token of goodwill. I am a new captain after all, and I know better than to not pick a side.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± she said before turning to her men. ¡°Keep him here.¡± She glanced back at Paul ¡°I¡¯ll be back with your seven grand.¡±


    ¡°Make it in coke,¡± Paul called after her as she fished a fancy key out of her cleavage.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got other friends to make too.¡± Paul said with a shrug.


    ¡°I see, captain.¡± She said with a devious smile.


    She turned and left the room.


    Paul counted to thirty seconds, then threw little Jimmy Evans into the crowd of armed men, they started, holding their weapons up and turning his valuable hostage into a pincushion.


    Before they could react, Paul leapt over the table and bludgeoned all six men in the cranium with the Sixth Street Demon¡¯s favorite weapon: A thin iron rod.


    They fell to the ground, shivering as their brains bled to death. Paul eased the crick out of his back after finishing off the poor hooker before the pitiful man could feel too much fear.


    Never felt good, killing innocents.


    Carl and Paul swiftly executed jimmy¡¯s friends before Erena walked through the door, a large package of coke in her hand. Her casual smile froze on her face when she saw the destruction Carl had wrought.


    The woman dropped the package, reached into her vest and pulled out a thin adamantium dagger, almost a foot and a half long. She screeched and tried to block his blow aimed at her head, but the sheer weight of Paul¡¯s strike drove the blade of her dagger partway through her skull.


    Paul didn¡¯t stop there.


    Nobles are tough.


    Paul swung back, lodging the heavy iron into her face again and again, burying the blade three inches into the woman¡¯s skull, until she was a slumped mass in the corner.


    ¡°Ah, my back,¡± Paul moaned as he stood up, rubbing his aching spine.


    Carl grabbed the coke and tore it apart by hand, spreading it around haphazardly before brushing it off his hands onto jimmy¡¯s outfit.


    They untied the dead kids, pulled out extra masks identical to their own and slid them over the three young men¡¯s faces. He slipped an iron bar into each of their hands, made a few extra defensive wounds on the shivering thugs, and then surveyed the damage.


    ¡°Look like a hit gone disastrously wrong to you?¡± Paul asked.


    Carl nodded.


    The Iron Legion was crippled, the Demons were sure to be thoroughly pissed. With the tiniest bit of luck they would tear each other to tiny little pieces.


    Gotta clear the field before you can grow something new.


    ¡°Gonna need a hell of a shower after this,¡± Paul muttered, sliding the mask back over his blood covered face. Everyone who¡¯d seen him was dead. Now he was just a member of the Demons, running away after a botched assassination.


    Paul lashed out and kicked the nearby furniture, knocking down expensive pottery and glass, screaming at full volume to attract attention before he and Carl bulled out the door they had come from, lashing about themselves as Paul used his superior strength to push open a path for them to retreat.


    ¡°Where¡¯s Jimmy?¡± Paul shouted. ¡°Just keep running!¡± he said in a different tone, speaking for Carl, who wordlessly shouted as they sprinted through the shellshocked Iron Legion bar.


    The sheer speed and ferocity of their escape prevented any major pursuit, and in a matter of minutes, they were home free, showering at Paul¡¯s house and tossing their clothes in the furnace.


    The next morning, Paul was settling in behind his new desk when an overenthusiastic young detective named Simon, a man with a weak chin and short-cropped dirty blond hair, stormed into his office and began speaking at full volume.


    ¡°Captain Tucker, congratulations on the promotion!¡± he shouted.


    ¡°Thanks, ki-¡°


    ¡°There¡¯s been a damn messy piece of work on the south side of the city. The Iron Legion was hit hard in an attack last night. They¡¯re going to war with the Demons!¡±


    ¡°Oh, really?¡± Paul asked, trying to keep his expression interested. ¡°Give me details.¡±


    ¡°I had to call in some friends to show up in force to get access to the crime scene, but there wasn¡¯t any bodies, just some bloodstains, broken furniture, and a whole lot of coke spread around!¡±


    ¡°Use your inside voice.¡± Paul said, wincing.


    ¡°Sir! I believe there was some kind of deal between the two gangs that went sour, and now the two of them are having at each other. Someone big must have bit it because they seem pretty rabid. If you sign off on it, I can petition the military for backup and try to put a stop to it and retrieve the bodies for further investigation.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re going to invoke martial law,¡± Paul asked. ¡°for this?¡±


    ¡°Yes sir!¡±


    ¡°They aren¡¯t going to give you the bodies, Simon, because if it truly was someone important who got murdered, they would keep a fucking lid on it. You can bet your shiny new badge that they¡¯re already ashes.¡±


    ¡°But¡­what about finding the culprit?¡±


    ¡°Believe me, they¡¯ll find who¡¯s responsible.¡± Paul said, oozing with confidence. ¡°Your job in this instance is to minimize damages. Make your presence known in civilian areas and give the gangs a friendly reminder to keep their bloodbaths restricted to the cover of darkness, in back alleys and abandoned warehouses, not where innocent bystanders can get involved. Save military involvement for a worst case scenario.¡±


    Simon frowned, then snapped a quick salute. ¡°Understood.¡± He stomped out of the office and out into the precinct.


    Paul watched the loud young detective leave the room, then threw his feet up on the desk and fished the little black book out of his vest, dipping a pen in his nearby inkwell and crossing out a couple names.


    Then he looked further down the list.


    More names. More information.


    ¡°I hope that bastard is putting in as many hours as I am,¡± Paul muttered, flipping through the booklet to try and locate the next lowest hanging fruit.


    ***Garth***


    This time I think I¡¯ll let her get a little more sleep this time, Garth thought to himself, tapping the huge feather against the wood of his chair. They had started much earlier in the evening, after all. Doctors generally recommend less than four hours of tickling at one time.


    Alicia was once again strapped in place, redfaced, topless and panting desperately with exertion. Garth hadn¡¯t even asked her to take off her shirt. I hope this becomes a habit.


    ¡°And that, Al, is tickle torture. Whaddya think?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t breathe.¡± She muttered, staring at the ceiling, her eyes wet with tears. ¡°My stomach is on fire.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s a common symptom.¡± Garth said, leaning over her to undo her restraints.


    She tried to sit up, but hissed in pain as her abs refused to flex. Garth put a hand behind her shoulder and helped her get to her feet, the only contact he¡¯d made the entire time.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Fine,¡± she muttered.


    ¡°Want me to make the pain go away?¡± Garth asked with his most innocent face.


    She glanced over at the riding crop leaning against the wooden chair.


    ¡°¡­.¡± She said something, too quiet for Garth to pick up.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Alright, just face away for a moment, and put your hands on the bed,¡± Garth said, keeping his voice businesslike despite the lewd grin in his very soul.


    ¡°I¡¯m really impressed with you,¡± Garth said as she hesitantly turned away and stuck her butt out toward him. ¡°You didn¡¯t use the safe word at all.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not that weak. You¡¯ve got nothing I can¡¯t hanDLLEEEE¡± Alicia sank to her knees and balled her hands into fists as the crop laid a welt beneath her tight black underwear. She breathed out of clenched teeth and began shaking as the marks on her body faded away.


    Nothing you can¡¯t handle? Garth thought as he watched her shudder in ecstasy. Girl, I¡¯m treating you with the kiddiest of kid¡¯s gloves.


    ¡°Good job, I¡¯ll see you here tomorrow. You¡¯re free for the rest of the night. I¡¯ve got business to attend to.¡±


    ¡°Tomorrow?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to be my favorite?¡± Garth asked sweetly, bending the leather-bound healing crop between his hands.


    Alicia¡¯s eyes narrowed, deliberating on who was manipulating whom.


    People tend to think in either/or. The truth is, obviously both of us are being manipulated. Garth thought as he waited for her answer.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, suppressing a yawn as she picked up her folded shirt off the chair behind Garth¡¯s head and slid into it, heading to bed.


    That was fun. Time to go see a lawyer about Clan Law.


    Garth Daniels


    Advanced Phyto-Human


    Apostle of Beladia & Pala


    -Strength- 45


    -Endurance- 60


    -Speed- 70


    -Intelligence- 125


    -Memory- 125


    -Senses- 125


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility, Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Guidance


    Class: Journeyman Phytolich


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting, Divine Lantern Style, Create Life, Divine Channeling


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin, Cleanse


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind, Mind palace, Memory Lane, Plant Biology, Control Weather, Racial Advancement.


    Macronomicon


    Thanks for reading! If you''re incapable of waiting, I''m hovering around ~50 Chapters ahead on Patreon!


    If you are a beacon of serenity in these troubled times, I''m probably going to drop about 20 chapters next month, so look forward to that. Have fun!

 Chapter 168: BBQ

    ¡°I fail to see how this helps me.¡± The air thrummed in Garth¡¯s chest as Carnifax spoke.


    ¡°It helps because it creates a paper trail.¡± Garth said. ¡°In the future, when Earth starts reintegrating with the Inner Spheres, they¡¯re going to stop seeing you as a god-thing and start seeing you as a paycheck.¡±


    ¡°One of the ¨C and I use this word with great reluctance ¨C good things about the Inner Spheres is that they will consider the rights of any creature that can communicate. I mean, nine times out of ten they¡¯ll throw them right out the window, but they¡¯ll consider them.¡±


    ¡°This,¡± Garth said, tapping the contract floating in front of him, ¡°Creates a paper trail that says ¡®yes, Carnifax, Hunter of Dragons is a person and can integrate into society as well as the next giant dragonfly.¡¯¡±


    The two of them hovered in midair a quarter mile above the mountainside, across from them Chi¡¯tet was supported by Garth¡¯s magic, her antennae trembling in the first stages of barely restrained panic.


    ¡°And this Article of Incorporation drafted by our lovely Chi¡¯tet here, would prove intent to join the Inner Spheres as a solid citizen.¡±


    ¡°You, human, want me to enter an agreement that forfeits one eighth my catch, on the slim chance that one day I may need to prove myself amenable to laws made by tiny, filthy, two legged stickflingers?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, pretty much.¡± Garth said. ¡°It¡¯s only an eighth, twelve point five percent is considered a pretty low tax rate, all things considered.¡±


    The minivan-sized eyeballs studied Garth for a moment.


    ¡°Ten percent of any dragons caught, beyond the first dozen each month. I will not starve myself for your silly paperwork.¡±


    ¡°fifty percent.¡± Garth said immediately. ¡°You don¡¯t even thing you¡¯ll catch that many.¡±


    ¡°Twenty percent. You seem to be confident I will.¡±


    ¡°A third.¡±


    ¡°A quarter, and no higher.¡±


    ¡°Deal,¡± Garth said. ¡°Could you draft that up, Chi¡¯tet?¡± Garth handed the contract to Chi¡¯tet.


    ¡°On the ground, maybe.¡± Chi¡¯tet said.


    ¡°Should we take this to the pond?¡±


    ¡°No wizard, I want to see what I¡¯m paying for.¡±


    Haven¡¯t paid for it yet, Garth thought ungenerously as he rolled up his sleeves.


    ¡°Don¡¯t try to shrug off the contract after this,¡± he said. ¡°¡¯cause I can instruct the swordfish to defend themselves.¡±


    ¡°That would be amusing.¡± Carnifax said. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll ask you to do that.¡±


    ¡°Or make them go away.¡± Garth said. Swordfish were the most reliable source of high-energy flying protein that Carnifax had available to her. According to her, the taste was bland and a bit tangy, but it was thanks to them she was able to survive without raiding human settlements or scouring the globe for her favorite snack.


    Garth had her by the short hairs. Not that dragonflies had short hairs.


    ¡°Less amusing.¡±


    In the distance, Alicia and Caitlyn came wobbling up to them, bearing the brightly colored rocks, Alicia clutching her wand in a death-grip. She seemed a little pale.


    They were really starting to come into their own over the last couple weeks, magic-wise. Garth himself had difficulty with the Fly spell for a long time, but it was expected for a magic duel to include the sky as an option, and they were doing great, considering the lack of a class, and the limitations thereof.


    ¡°You got it!¡± Garth said, taking the neon colored rocks away from them and cooing. ¡°Who¡¯s a good apprentice? You two are!¡±


    Alicia¡¯s anger got her over her fear of heights long enough to give him a withering glare. It was odd she was afraid of heights because at a certain level of Endurance, terminal velocity was no longer terminal.


    Caitlyn just gave him a judging look.


    ¡°This means you¡¯re both ready for the next phase of your training.¡±


    Alicia sighed in relief.


    ¡°Chase these down, grasshoppers.¡± Garth said, imbuing two mini swordfish with a burning desire not to get caught. The tiny fluorescent fish darted away from Garth and went swimming out into the sky.


    Create Life proficiency has reached 11%!


    Yay!


    Caitlyn and Alicia both groaned and set out to catching the tiny flying lures. Garth watched them as they went. The two of them were wearing form-fitting flying leathers for reduced drag, and that worked out just fine for Garth.


    The two of them were very different fliers. Garth hadn¡¯t thought people would have different flight patterns, but he supposed that probably applied to everyone, especially beginners.


    Alicia would wobble forward slowly, then put on a burst of speed, trying desperately to snatch the irritating creature out of the air, while Caitlyn maintained a higher average speed, but didn¡¯t handle the turns quite as well, plus she got flustered when the little fish flew back in her face, closing her eyes and slapping haphazardly.


    Garth cast one last glance at Alicia¡¯s strained leather pants before turning his attention back to the matter at hand.


    ¡°Alright what was I doing?¡±


    ¡°Ogling.¡±


    ¡°Ogling.¡±


    ¡°Before the ogling. Ah right,¡± Garth said, focusing on the latent nature mana in the area. He was stronger then he¡¯d been before he died now, and this was his first opportunity to really test it.


    Give me a creation that exudes a scent irresistible to dragons, luring them to their doom, a perfect trap plated with gold.


    Garth grew a spore into a peanut sized seed then launched it down into the side of the mountain. It landed in a very carefully chosen spot, then sent its roots deep into the earth, grinding through stone and pulling the miniscule amounts of gold up.


    The tree burst out of the ground and unfolded into something resembling a cross between a weeping willow and a quaking aspen. As it grew, its rounded, coin sized leaves gradually turned a warm gold as the rare mineral was gradually pulled out of the ground and stored on the outside of the leaf.


    One the tree was done growing it looked, from the air, like nothing more than a massive pile of gold, twenty feet high and forty feet wide, even though nothing could be further from the truth. Each quaking leaf sent golden beams of reflected light, creating a dazzling effect that was visible for tens of miles in every direction: as long as you were viewing it from a couple degrees above it.


    The people at Santo Descanso had their view blocked by the mountainside, as a precaution. It wouldn¡¯t do to lure people in with the glittering tree.


    The scent though, that was even better. The wind that passed through the leaves of the tree would not only carry the scent of gold, but also pheromones that would make dragons stupid aroused. The smell was that of an incredibly attractive underaged female with an obscenely large horde.


    Dragons weren¡¯t super bright. The oldest ones could think rationally, but the younger ones were all spit and vinegar, and would generally rob whoever they pleased to build their glittering nests.


    Garth briefly considered. What if dragons are another creation similar to my hunter-killers? Self-replicating treasure seekers, tougher than the average creature, and able to bully the average person¡¯s wealth away from them. Or perhaps whoever made them had some specific circumstances, like pesky gold littered the ground, and he never expected them to become robbers. Who can tell? It¡¯s an interesting thought though, all these monsters with inexplicably strange behavior.


    ¡°That¡¯s a shiny tree, human, But we will have to wait and see if-¡°


    the faintest screech caused Garth and Carnifax to turn their heads and focus on the southeast, where a tiny red dot was flying toward them.


    ¡°How about-¡°


    ¡°Wait.¡± Carnifax said, watching the dragon approach. This did seem like an excellent opportunity to test the effectiveness of the lure.


    Over the next five minutes, The dragon continued to close on them, but rather than pay any attention to the four people and one enormous hunter floating in the sky, the young red dragon flew down to the lure, prowling around it for a few seconds before mounting the tree and humping it with glazed eyes.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take five of them, a hundred miles apart.¡± The dragonfly motioned to the north and then the south with a single clawed leg. ¡°Across the coastline.¡±


    Kind of like a hunter¡¯s trap line. She really does have an instinct for this, doesn¡¯t she?


    Garth glanced down at the dragon beneath them copulating with his tree. ¡°Celebratory barbeque?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not enough to satisfy me, let alone-¡° Carnifax was interrupted by another screech in the distance, accompanied by a red smudge on the horizon to the west.


    ¡°I find myself now somewhat concerned about depopulation.¡± Garth said as they watched the second dragon approach them. This one was significantly larger.


    ¡°Hmm.¡±


    ¡°BBQ?¡±


    ¡­.


    ¡°I¡¯ll make you a pond.¡±


    ****


    ¡°Try an inner loin, that¡¯s where they¡¯re juiciest.¡± Carnifax was luxuriating in the makeshift pond while mandible deep in the larger dragon. The smaller one ¨C that being a relative term ¨C was slowly being disassembled by the dozens of cleaver-wielding men and women of L.A. to make rich steaks.


    Dragon had a strong flavor, that when seared over a fire with some barbeque sauce, became amazing.


    Might be even better with Grampa¡¯s S.O.W. sauce, Garth thought to himself as he chewed the slightly tough meat. And a good tenderizing.


    Garth¡¯s organized crime unit sat on one side of the firepit stuffed with slow-cooking dragon ribs wrapped in foil, watching Carnifax with wide eyes, barely touching their food. Except for Fred, who seemed to dismiss the giant dragonfly and focus on sampling all the different parts a dragon had to offer. Heather was clinging on him again, and the young man seemed to bear it with tired acceptance.


    Wore him down, I guess.


    Each of the young men was starting to show huge leaps in their progress on a diet of strict training and a quart of Garth-Aid? in the morning. Garth was tight fisted handing out attributes at first, but it rapidly became apparent that he had more than he was ever going to use, what with the thousand of purified goblin cores falling into his Processor every hour.


    At this point Garth figured having an entire city of noble-level people would work in his favor better than an underground lake he couldn¡¯t use. They¡¯d be much more able to defend themselves that way. The likelihood of someone getting strong enough to give him the finger was pretty slim, not only attribute-wise, but also the fact that Garth controlled the very ground they walked on, and his creations patrolled the air they breathed.


    Plus¡­ Garth glanced around at the ancient, rotted out buildings around them. Never gonna let that happen again. Not when I could have thousands of people capable of stepping up to the plate.


    Chi¡¯tet, being an honored guest, was sitting to Garth¡¯s right on a large cork seat, while Alicia and Caitlyn were seated to his left. Between them was Thomas, who, when he wasn¡¯t stuffing his little face with expensive dragon meat, was making doe-eyes at Caitlyn.


    Paul was out of town for work, but his kids and wife were halfway around the fire, chugging down mug after mug of Garth-Aid?


    I wonder if it¡¯s safe for pregnant women? Garth pondered.


    Aliens of various sizes and shapes stopped by for a dragon steak, greeting him as they passed by. It had taken some time, but Mrs. Banyan was able to establish order in the refugees he had essentially kidnapped, by virtue of her omnipresence, intelligence, and kindness.


    When the alternative is death, things tend to look pretty palatable. Garth thought as a seven and a half foot tall minotaur gave him a smile and a meaty salute, slapping the bloody steak in his fist against his forehead before devouring it.


    I miss Brian. I¡¯m pretty sure that guy was a minotaur genius.


    Wolf Wildlings meandered in and out of the party, loping along on their hands and feet, helping themselves to bits of the dragon. Ragnar¡¯s tribe had wandered back within Grass¡¯s range and he¡¯d extended Garth¡¯s invitation.


    Wolf wildling women had a certain charm, if you were able to overlook the fur and odd proportions, and the uncanny valley humanoid features. They were lithe and whipcord muscle, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.


    They were easy to understand, too. If they didn¡¯t like you they would tear a chunk out, as one minotaur discovered, to his apparent amusement.


    The city wasn¡¯t quite such a taco fest anymore either with the inclusion of the aliens and wildlings, but it was still about a three to one ratio, not including Mrs. Banyan¡¯s many bodies.


    Better than three hundred to one, I guess.


    Garth surveyed the chaotic party that Mrs. Banyan was just barely keeping under control. His enhanced eyes could make out even more enthusiastic partying in the woods under the supposed cover of darkness.


    Normally that would have gotten a chuckle out of Garth, but he was preoccupied with what-ifs. What if the inquisition is stronger than I thought, what if that horny bastard shows up again?


    Garth glanced up and spotted Alicia¡¯s bright blue eyes riveted on his. She looked away.


    When she¡¯d come out of her room the morning after her tickling and come across Chi¡¯tet, her reaction to the ant-faced person had been predictably hilarious, but then Chi¡¯tet had let Garth¡¯s name slip and things had become really awkward. He hadn¡¯t warned Chi¡¯tet.


    Garth hadn¡¯t put much value on keeping the secret at that point, but Alicia¡¯s reaction had been less than ideal, involving some shortness of breath and white knuckles.


    She hadn¡¯t tried to seduce him in weeks, which was disappointing. Needless to say she hadn¡¯t shown up in his room the next day either.


    Garth finished his rib and tossed it in the fire, licking barbeque sauce off his fingers. He  let the sounds of partying wash over him for a few minutes before he finally stood and went back to his lair.


    Might as well get some work done.


    ***Alicia***


    ¡°I thought I could take advantage of this ancient wizard, and now I feel like I¡¯m riding a freaking manticore, barely holding on with my fingertips,¡± Alicia said, leaning on Guile as she sat across from Caitlyn.


    Garth ¨C The Garth ¨C hadn¡¯t gotten around to giving them separate rooms. Most of the time Alicia found it irksome sharing space with someone both better than her at magic, and at the same time a bit of a bumbling¡­bumbler.


    In this case though, it was somewhat appreciated, since she needed someone to talk to.


    ¡°Garth doesn¡¯t strike me as dangerous,¡± Caitlyn said, holding up her unharmed right hand. ¡°He could have hurt me for real, but he didn¡¯t¡±


    ¡°That proves nothing.¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°It cost him nothing to be kind to you, and gained him your loyalty.¡±


    ¡°huh,¡± Caitlyn said, cocking her head. ¡°I never thought of it like that.¡± She shrugged, her nightgown lifting with her shoulders.


    ¡°I still don¡¯t think he¡¯s that bad, though.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you get it?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°At any second he could snap his fingers and murder either of us, so why does that make me so¡­?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Caitlyn asked with a frown.


    Intimidated, interested, lustful, ambitious, fearful, excited¡­happy? Mad out of my gourd? Alicia was feeling so many things simultaneously she was having a huge amount of difficulty parsing it.


    ¡°I mean, when I thought he was just an ancient wizard¡­I thought It was sexy,¡± Alicia admitted.


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°And now that I know who he is, it¡¯s terrifying, right? but still sexy! How does that work? I feel like the gates of hell are going to literally spring open and drag him back along with anyone near him, and yet, all that power¡­Mmm.¡±


    Caitlyn gave Alicia an odd, judgemental look.


    ¡°So why are you avoiding him?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m not avoiding him.¡± Alicia denied flatly.


    ¡°You spent the last two weeks deliberately being wherever he was not. I would call that avoiding.¡±


    ¡°I just need to¡­come to terms with it.¡± Alicia said, glancing up at her contemporary. ¡°You ever wonder if he¡¯s doing anything to your head?¡±


    ¡°Other than the contract and the pervy clicker?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, other than that.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s any use worrying about it.¡± Caitlyn said. ¡°But to quote the lessons, ¡®Merely being able to question whether or not someone is in your head is a good sign¡¯.¡±


    ¡°He said mental control feels like little glass staples in your head, holding your thoughts in a certain shape. You feel any of those?¡±


    ¡°Would I, if he had been lying to us?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Seems like it boils down to whether or not you trust him, and not so much who he is.¡±


    Alicia gazed at the wall for a moment, picking at her own thoughts. She had an undercurrent of unease in the back of her mind since she¡¯d found herself thinking sexual thoughts about him. Knowing who he was had given that feeling a convenient straw man to hide behind.


    The reality was, she was terrified of having sex with him. Terrified it would be like the last time. That was a serious impediment to her plan to monopolize the wizard for herself.


    Alicia tapped her fingers on Guile as she thought. Well, that won¡¯t stand. Anger started to build up, partly at herself for her cowardice, and partly at Garth for his deception. She used the anger to tear that undercurrent of fear to tiny little shreds.


    Not to sound like Benedette, but I decide who I do what with, and how much.


    Despite her best efforts, the undercurrent of fear kept rearing its ugly head, no matter how many times she visualized tearing it apart.


    Alicia Denton


    Human


    Non-citizen of the Inner Spheres


    -Strength- 25 - Capped


    -Endurance- 20 - Capped


    -Speed- 30- Capped


    -Intelligence- 20- Capped


    -Memory- 25- Capped


    -Senses- 30- Capped


    Blessings: None


    Class: None


    Skills: Fencing, Close Quarters Combat, First Aid, Etiquette, Mana Channel*, Mana Wielding*, Spell Theory*,


    Spells: Aiding Wind, Force Armor, Fly, Force Shield, Lightning


    Evolutions: Mana Sight


    Macronomicon


    I was procrastinating the F*ck out of this, and realized if I didn''t get it started now I''d be behind by 2-3 days and nobody wants that. So, here''s 1/20 of the Outer Sphere Dump for you guys while I get ready for my weekend of D&D.


    2 chapters a day for 10 days sounds about right.


    After this dump, Patreon will be 32-35 chapters ahead. Matter of fact, I''m gonna go batch change all the permissions as soon as I''m done scheduling this.


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 169: Something Hardass this way comes

    Nathanial was not a handsome man. The High Inquisitor was missing the left half of his nose and his lip was split into a ghoulish scowl by a blade. Even without the unfortunate wound, the man¡¯s grey skin and uncomfortable staring would have made the man unpleasant.


    Together with his personality, it made him terrifying.


    That old, old, saying, don¡¯t judge a book by it¡¯s cover? That didn¡¯t not apply to Nathanial. He acted exactly how he looked, and he seemed to relish any opportunity to prove it.


    ¡°Jenson.¡± Nathanial barked out Finn¡¯s last name.


    ¡°Yes!¡±


    ¡°Dig through her clothes,¡± he said, pointing at the small pile of clothes in front of the pregnant villager covering herself with her palms. She was the least starved person in the village, most likely through a concerted effort by the other villagers to keep her baby alive, although that wasn¡¯t saying much.


    They had stopped at every single village on their way by, even though it cost them a day each time, and had forcibly rounded up the couple hundred people each time to perform a witch hunt. So far the only thing that they had uncovered was that people were starving, and Finn was becoming increasingly aware of his plumpness, as people tended to stare at him hungrily.


    Four other soldiers dug through the individual piles as Nathanial rode his Charger back and forth across the lines, singling out who to search, mainly old people and pregnant women.


    ¡°Yeah, you fucking heard me. Search the gravid bitch¡¯s clothes, or I will halfway cut off your head and you¡¯ll find out what spinal fluid tastes like before the lights go out, do you understand?¡±


    Finn dropped down onto the woman¡¯s clothes like it was a life-preserver slowly floating away.


    ¡°Sorry about this,¡± he muttered, beginning to search the scratchy, rough woven pockets. They were covered in dust that seemed to fall through the rather large gaps in the lining, drifting down to the ground as Finn shoved a hand in one pocket, then the other, hoping to at least get this over with as soon as possible.


    Squish.


    Squish? Finn pulled out his hand, and a thick, ropy string of rotten egg followed his hand, nearly overwhelming him with its stench. Finn had to fight not to gag as he backed away from the woman¡¯s clothes and started wiping the slimy, disgusting stuff off in the grass.


    She looked genuinely apologetic.


    ¡°I was removing some eggs that had gone bad from the coop.¡± She said apologetically. ¡°They must have broken when my clothes were tossed on the ground.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s-¡° Finn choked on the putrid smell, his body jiggling. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡±


    Dear Goddess, why would you put me on this path, fumbling through rural hick¡¯s pockets, hands soaked in a substance that can only be described as foul on an industrial scale?


    What kind of idiot carries rotten eggs in their pocket? I¡¯m not going through that dumbass villager¡¯s vest any more, Finn thought, switching to the woman¡¯s frayed pants. I¡¯d rather die.


    ¡°JENSON!¡± The High inquisitor¡¯s shout made Finn freeze, shortly followed by the ringing of drawn steel. ¡°Put. Your hand. Back in that pocket.¡±


    Finn put his hand back in that pocket.


    The pregnant villager tensed, looking at something behind Finn


    ¡°Remove the egg.¡± The inquisitor¡¯s voice came from directly behind him, now, and Finn felt a line of cold steel touch the back of his neck.


    Finn stopped breathing through his nose, trying not to vomit as he scooped out the runny, disgusting substance that was both solid and liquid, and somehow making his eyes water despite no longer breathing through his nose.


    Finally the pocket was cleared of eggshells, but the whole rough fabric was coated in slimy egg.


    ¡°Turn the pocket inside out and run your hands along the seams.¡± Nathanial said.


    Finn did so, then noticed a lump in the pocket¡¯s inner seam. A knife appeared, inches away from Finn¡¯s face, and he took it, teasing apart the rough sewing to reveal a tiny, egg-soaked, silk pocket with a key and a tiny scrap of paper with some egg-mottled writing on it.


    ¡°Hand them here.¡±


    Finn, not daring to look up, handed the objects over his shoulder.


    ¡°Looks like our resident swine here caught one!¡± Nathanial shouted with glee.


    Finn dared to look over his shoulder long enough to get a glance at the High Inquisitors face: Glee was not a good look for him.


    A hand grabbed Finn¡¯s shirt and tossed him aside.


    Nathanial stepped forward, his blade settling on the woman¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°This, gentlemen, is a learning experience. If you find something during an inspection that makes you want to stop, like a pocketful of  rotten eggs, or someone who just has to be innocent, that is when you look harder. Always check the old and the pregnant first. Humans instinctively shy away from suspecting them.¡± He scanned the rest of the spectating soldiers, whose faces were unreadable.


    ¡°Making them excellent spies.¡± He directed his gaze back to the shivering woman. ¡°I¡¯m not a monster. Would you like to executed with your child, or wait until after it¡¯s born?¡±


    ¡°After,¡± she gritted out.


    ¡°That¡¯ll take a lot of effort, make it worth our while.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare touch Marie!¡± a man shouted, lunging out from the lined up villagers, barreling toward Finn and the golden-armored Inquisitor.


    Finn flinched like an idiot, putting his arms in front of his face as the lighter, weaker, malnourished man charged them, but the inquisitor simply held up a hand and lightning arced out of his hand and blasted the villager in the heart.


    The charging man slid to a halt directly in front of Finn, his dead eyes staring lifelessly.


    ¡°That the father?¡± Nathanial asked.


    She nodded silently.


    ¡°huh.¡± He snapped his gaze back to the villager ¨C spy ¨C Finn corrected himself.


    ¡°Well, if you want that moron¡¯s child to see the light of day, you¡¯ll do everything you¡¯re told. Havier, see to it.¡±


    One of Nathanial¡¯s subordinate inquisitors, a man with dark hair and skin with a misplaced hawk-nose, led the woman away.


    ¡°Jenson.¡±


    Finn flinched involuntarily.


    ¡°Sir?¡±


    ¡°Record this and send a report back to HQ once we hit MidSomner.¡± Nathanial said, holding out the smudged note.


    ¡°Sir.¡± Finn said, taking it and trying not to let his teeth chatter.


    Nathanial¡¯s face went blank like an animal taking a shit in the woods, then he turned and clomped away, holding the brass key in a tight fist. It was only after the Inquisitor had disappeared around the corner did Finn risk taking his eyes off the murderous fellow to inspect the message.


    It was soaked in foul smelling goop, but with a little squinting, it was still legible.


    Finn quickly decoded the message with the speed of an old hand, and arranged it in his mind.


    It was the coordinates of a series of dead drops, and the times to use them, that would no doubt allow the empire to round up quite a few dissidents, at least until word got out that Marie was ¨C


    Screams pierced Finns ears as the rounded up villagers scattered and fled for their lives, the inquisitors leading their chargers through them. Finn witnessed one child split in two by a casual slice from an Inquisitor¡¯s blade.


    It was pandemonium as the soldiers fell on the villagers with no purpose other than to exterminate every single one of them.


    This time Finn did throw up.


    ¡°You know what they say,¡± Nathanial said, appearing from nowhere to stand beside Finn. ¡°Dead men tell no tales. Well, dead men and newborns.¡±


    He glanced at Finn¡¯s breasts. ¡°On that subject, do you lactate?¡±


    ¡°No, sir,¡± Finn gasped between heaves.


    ¡°Damn. I guess we¡¯ll have to leave the woman alive a while yet.¡± he clicked his tongue and wandered off, heedless of the slaughter around him. The only creature whose life the Inquisitor even hinted at guaranteeing was the baby¡¯s.


    ***Garth***


    Garth made a couple more adjustments on the Hail Mary Body, an idea he¡¯d been toying with the last couple days, weaving Design Plant with one hand and changing the sliders on his interface with the other, targeting the rightmost body on the Phylac-tree.


    The concept: If Garth got between a rock and a hard place, it would most likely be some implacable enemy that had wiped the floor with Garth.


    If that were to happen, the worst-case scenario would be aforementioned enemy burning their way to Garth¡¯s Phylactery, steamrolling anything and anyone in their path.


    If they whipped his ass once, there was no reason they wouldn¡¯t be able to do it a second time at his phylactery.


    If he showed up in the same body as before.


    The Hail Mary concept was to throw aside any pretence of humanity to minmax combat potential and survivability¡­for a day or two, until the body literally burned itself out through sheer overclocking.


    Drain nearly all the points from Strength and Endurance to bolster the mental stats while also siphoning some of it away to create a body that intrinsically cast spells on itself without user input, folding space to store a very large amount of tissue into an object the size of a quarter, then folding space and causality around itself to create a nearly impenetrable maze of contradictions.


    Getting a spell through its defences would be less an issue of strength, and more an issue of time. Calculating Pi to a million places while rubbing your tummy, patting your head and playing Jenga with your asscheeks.


    Once the maze-like barriers of illusion, warped space, and mental blocks were penetrated, it would be a simple matter to destroy the body.


    But in the meantime, Hail Mary would unload a devastating amount of firepower on the person forcing him to use it.


    Garth made a couple more adjustments, still trying to get the fetus to accept shifting so many of its resources into harnessing so much magic. Garth lowered the sliders on the physical stats again, and tried to convince the body to fold space around itself, creating the first layer of defence.


    After a minute struggling with the damn thing, the slider in front of him slid back up to its previous levels, the Design Plant failing.


    Making something more powerful than Garth already was was a tricky proposition, and actual living things didn¡¯t take kindly to minmaxing a two day lifespan. Even mayflies spend a couple years as nymphs.


    Garth shrugged and relaxed, allowing the mana in his lair to dissipate back into the environment. I¡¯ll put some more study into the theory of space mana. If I can make a plant copy Castavelle¡¯s one way space bubble, that¡¯ll be an excellent first line of defence.


    Garth stepped away and faced his other developing problem.


    Off to his right, the firehose filled with Garth-Aid? was going a little slack. There was still plenty coming in, but demand was starting to outpace supply, especially since the hunter-killers had basically hunted every goblin in the surrounding countryside, and had to start ranging far from home to find them.


    Eventually they would reach some kind of equilibrium between natural goblins and hunter-killers, but for now, there were dips occasionally, where his creatures didn¡¯t find anything much to munch on.


    Maybe I can kick start this process, Garth thought to himself, forming the kernel of an idea.


    ***Alicia***


    Alicia drew mana through the wand held behind her, and shoved it forward in time with her sword thrusts, compressing it along Guile¡¯s edge and sending it shooting forward.


    Lightning raced along the razor edge of the adamantium rapier and shot out in a wrist thick arc, striking the training dummy in the head. the pure magical force split the dummy¡¯s head open and lit it on fire.


    That¡¯s more like it, she thought, but the visual evidence of her improvement paled in comparison to the secrets she was now a part of.


    Ancient: Check.


    Magic User: Check.


    Plants: Check.


    Lair in the Green hell: Check.


    Every hint that Edw ¨C Garth ¨C Every hint that Garth had given her had been shrugged off as a simple coincidence. How could I have been so fucking blind?


    Alicia was, by all accounts, the last person to know.


    And yet he still had the friendly air of the young man she¡¯d come to know him as. She couldn¡¯t look at him and see a horrible ancient wizard, when he¡¯d already created the image of a boisterous young man. It wreaked havoc with her attempts to straighten out her feelings for him.


    She felt stinging at the corners of her eyes as she lunged forward, gliding along the ground with Aiding Wind and burying the rapier hilt-deep in the face of the mannequin, sawing the blade out of the smug, handsome purple face she saw in her mind¡¯s eye.


    Alicia levered the wand at another target across the way with a shout and a jagged bolt of lightning exploded a third straw stuffed dummy from the inside.


    She stood there, panting and trying not to think about the sense of betrayal she knew she shouldn¡¯t be feeling.


    Should I have just torn up the contract and woken up at the Denton Manor none the wiser? She thought for the one hundred and eighteenth time since she¡¯d spoken to Caitlyn.


    No.


    Alicia knew she¡¯d never forgive herself if she simply woke up and realized she¡¯d failed somehow. The shame would have eaten her insides out, and made her do something highly irresponsible. Not only would she be driven mad, she would have lost her powers.


    If keeping the secret of history¡¯s most reviled man was what it took to keep this ¨C She laced Guile with crackling energy ¨C then she would shoulder the risks. The only impediment now was spreading her legs without having a panic attack.


    Just like Maggie taught us.


    The brief thought of her aunt lead her mind to dangerous memories. Painful, murderous ones.


    ¡°You looked pretty evil just now.¡± Caitlyn said from the sideline, sitting on a bench and waiting for her turn as the dummies regrew.


    ¡°Your face was underlit by lightning and everything.¡± Garth said, casually rocking beside Caitlyn in a wooden rocking chair that hadn¡¯t been there mere seconds ago. ¡°Very mad scientist.¡±


    Alicia flinched and froze, the lightning dissipating from the sword as her heart began to hammer in her chest.


    He doesn¡¯t know I was imagining him when I was practicing does he?


    Did he like what he saw? A tiny voice in the back of her head chimed in, so quietly she barely realized she¡¯d thought it at all.


    Why is he looking at me like that?


    ¡°Now you just look guilty.¡± Garth said, the bastard rising to his feet. They¡¯d been the same height when they¡¯d met, but now the ancient wizard towered over her, sending shivers down her spine whenever she looked into his perfect¨C Munasei leave me be!


    Alicia took a deep breath and calmed herself.


    It¡¯s all just a trick to make himself look more impressive. I can¡¯t be led around by the nose by physical appearances¡­.


    You thought he was cute before he was handsome.


    I swear to Kolath, I will enter my own brain and find whichever cluster of synapses is talking out of turn and end them! I am in charge here!


    ¡°Alicia,¡± Garth said, and stepped closer. Alicia¡¯s meteoric rise in Senses meant she could easily feel Garth¡¯s body heat pressing against her own from a couple feet away, should she choose to focus on that. It was hard not to.


    ¡°Yes?¡± Alicia asked focusing on listening to him and not trying to feel him up with her enhanced senses.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna go on a bit of an errand, and wanted some company. You in?¡±


    ¡°Sure, I guess ¨C ack!¡±


    A whorl of telekinetic mana wrapped around her and the two of them shot straight into the air at ungodly speeds, causing her ears to pop from the sudden change in pressure.


    The two of them were still standing still, guarded from the wind, with their feet solidly underneath them. The world though, the world slid underneath them like Garth had picked up a miniature figurine off a map, slid the map beneath it, then set it back down.


    A moment later they were plummeting downward with no indication they were falling other than the rising pit of her stomach telling her about the fact that she was about to be a pancake.


    They descended into an unassuming clearing that resolved into a strange above-ground goblin village. Goblins rarely made their own structures, but these ones seemed to be rather industrious.


    Alicia tensed up, ready to swing about her with the rapier as the little monsters assaulted them, before Garth put a hand on her shoulder.


    ¡°Not here to fight,¡± Garth murmured.


    In the corner of the clearing, a rather plump woman dressed in rags that barely contained her pendulous breasts released one of the goblins from a suffocating hug, watching them descend from the sky with a gaping jaw. Her clothes were studded with bones and shiny rocks that seemed to mark her as one of the tribe.


    Weird.


    There were goblins literally making music on the other side of the little village.


    Even weirder.


    ¡°Hey, Mark One, good to see you.¡±


    ¡°Good to see you as well, Father.¡± The previously struggling goblin said, nodding.


    ¡°I see your English has come a long way.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Thank you father.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s life?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Living it,¡± the ugly green man said.


    ¡°Rock on.¡±


    Garth threw up a strange gesture. Alicia wasn¡¯t sure if it was magical, but she didn¡¯t see any mana forming around him, so it probably wasn¡¯t Magical.


    ¡°I¡¯m looking to take¡­let¡¯s say¡­a dozen volunteers to start their own tribes, like Mark here.¡± Garth said, addressing the crowd.


    ¡°Not enough tribes?¡± The goblin apparently known as Mark One asked curiously.


    ¡°Oh, there are plenty of your tribes,¡± Garth said with a sly grin. ¡°On Earth.¡±


    Macronomicon


    I was procrastinating the F*ck out of this, and realized if I didn''t get it started now I''d be behind by 2-3 days and nobody wants that. So, here''s 2/20 of the Outer Sphere Dump for you guys while I get ready for my weekend of D&D.


    2 chapters a day for 10 days sounds about right.


    After this dump, Patreon will be 32-35 chapters ahead. Matter of fact, I''m gonna go batch change all the permissions as soon as I''m done scheduling this.


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 170: Pit-Stop

    Mark One: My father, what about him?


    Interviewer: How do you feel about the insatiable need to consume goblins that Garth embedded in the very core of your species? Do you resent it?


    Mark One: Resent it? How do you feel about sex, Tom? Do you like it? could you live without it if you had to? Do you curse the gods for being born that way? To my people, it¡¯s the same. We hunt goblins to reproduce, because it¡¯s fun, and it doesn¡¯t hurt anybody.


    Interviewer: What about-


    Mark One: Anybody who matters.


    Interviewer: I see.


    Mark One: I and others of my generation have grown, found our own passions. Much like your human teenagers spend most of their time playing with their newfound favorite toy, eventually the older ones get tired of it and find something meaningful to devote their lives to.


    Mark one: (Scratches his protruding nose) I will admit that every couple years I¡¯ll visit one of the reservations, go out on safari and hunt a few gobs for sport, even if the old baby-gizzard is all dried up. (Pats his chest)


    Interviewer: Interesting. One other question I had before the break. How exactly did the word for love, bait, human female, disaster, forbidden, and Queen all stem from the same characters in your people¡¯s language. Jelaybein?


    Mark One: (Chuckles) that¡¯s a bit of a long story.


    ****


    ¡°So, who was that?¡± Alicia asked, standing beside him as the land slid by underneath them, the subtropical forest thinning out as they pressed eastward at great speeds.


    ¡°That was Mark One.¡±


    ¡°Any why did he call you father?¡±


    ¡°I made him.¡±


    ¡°When!?¡±


    ¡°like, two months ago,¡± Garth said. ¡°He was a little side project.¡±


    ¡°Are you¡­¡± she glanced off to the side, bit her lip and went silent.


    ¡°Am I what?¡± Garth asked as the quiet stretched out uncomfortably.


    ¡°Are you human?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    Alicia went pale.


    ¡°But I used to be.¡±


    ¡°Why are you bothering with me?¡± she murmured.


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth grunted, seeking clarification.


    ¡°Why are you bothering with me!?¡± She screamed, a foot away from him. ¡°You¡¯re obviously some kind of¡­fucking¡­Earthshattering, inhuman, interdimensional Wizard whose only purpose in life is to bring ruin and destruction to the planet. How is tormenting me high on your priority list? What the hell do you even see in me?¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Garth grunted.


    That seems like it¡¯s been simmering for awhile now. He glanced at the nearest goblinoid of the forty-eight they¡¯d grabbed from the nearest tribes to seed other planets, a hooknosed green little man with a placid stare.


    The little man glanced between him and Alicia and shrugged, as if to say, I don¡¯t know either, man.


    ¡°You obviously could have forced me and my family to dance to your mad tune at any moment, so why are you doing this to me?¡±


    ¡°What, specifically, am I doing?¡± Garth asked, glancing over his shoulder at Alicia, whose cheeks were coloring.


    ¡°Treating me like a toy! Teaching me magic when you don¡¯t have to. Carrying me with you on trips that I serve no purpose on! Smelling amazing all the time!¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± That last one was a little weird. Thanks Beladia.


    Garth scratched his chin.


    ¡°Do you want the political answer or the pragmatic one?¡±


    ¡°Pragmatic.¡±


    ¡°For me, violence and beautiful women mix like chocolate and peanut butter. When I saw you kill those goons in that alley where we first met, you can bet your irresistible ass that I was interested. Later I realized that to keep myself stable I needed some kind of emotional attachment, like a pet. So I decided you would be a decent choice.¡±


    That sounded better in my head.


    ¡°Pet!?¡± she demanded. ¡°Pet!?¡±


    That¡¯s probably not good.


    ¡°Emotional attachment, I don¡¯t actually think of you as ¨C ¡°


    ¡°You¡¯re going to bring about another Fall, and you want me on a chain in a slinky bikini beside your throne of skulls, is that it?¡±


    Garth pictured it for a moment. Sounds pretty hot, although it¡¯s odd that¡¯s still a trope in this day and age.


    ¡°I¡¯m down for it if you are, I guess.¡±


    Alicia¡¯s eye twitched before she pushed away from him, bursting out of the quiet bubble into the wind and flying down to the forest floor.


    Garth brought the bubble of air to a halt and watched Alicia fly away, her horizontal posture revealing the arch of her back just beyond her exaggerated buns.


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Garth said as he watched her fly away. Critical fail.


    ¡°What should I do?¡± he murmured. She seemed pretty miffed...about something. Seems it might be internal conflict causing her to lash out.


    There was a tugging on his sleeve, and Garth turned to see the hooknosed goblin staring up at him, along with the other forty-seven little green monster-slayers.


    ¡°When Jellibeen mad at hunter for badness, fix by nice-grab jellibeen soft-parts and give shinies. Make better.¡±


    Garth processed that nearly nonsensical advice for a couple seconds.


    ¡°Nice-grab¡­hug? You¡¯re talking about hugs and presents, right?¡±


    Garth¡¯s goblin lookalike opened its mouth, frowned for a moment in solemn contemplation, then nodded vigorously. Like bobbleheads, the rest of the troop nodded their heads as well, until Garth was staring over a field of nodding goblins heads. Maybe it was Beladia¡¯s influence that made them such amicable folk.


    ¡°I think¡­this may be more¡­nuanced than a hug and some shinies can fix, but I¡¯ll take that under advisement. Could help. Can you fellas hang out in one spot for an hour or two?¡±


    Garth knew they didn¡¯t actually need to eat, so that probably wouldn¡¯t be too hard on them, unless they got the urge to wander off and go hunting.


    The goblin gave him a black-nailed thumbs up and a toothy grin.


    ¡°Thanks Crixis,¡± Garth said. ¡°Your name is Crixis now.¡±


    Crixis clapped his hands together in glee as they descended.


    Garth left the hunters to mind their own business and used Scry to locate Alicia in a matter of minutes, gliding through the brush until he got to her.


    Alicia was, uncharacteristically, moping. Garth had fully expected her to be thrashing the underbrush with her rapier and snarling. Moping was harder to deal with in Garth¡¯s opinion.


    Garth walked up to her and sat down.


    ¡°It occurs to me that what you¡¯ve been told about me might be coloring your perception. We need to have the talk.¡±


    Alicia stared at the ground.


    Garth took a deep breath and started with his tale.


    ¡°Eight hundred and forty five years and twelve days ago, I was about two thousand miles to your left, standing up to my knees in raw sewage. As a handyman, you get called in for plumbing occasionally, even if you¡¯re not qualified. Especially if you¡¯re not qualified, sometimes.¡±


    Alicia glanced up at him, her brows furrowed, plump crimson lips frowning.


    ¡°This particular job was a result of some idiot flushing an entire beach towel down the hotel¡¯s toilet. The sheer amount of time and effort required to do that boggles the mind. Anyway, after hours and hours kneeling, with my cheek pressed up against the sewage pipe and my arm buried in shit up to the shoulder, I finally got it free, unplugging the system, whereupon a blast of pressurized sewage caught my foot and sent me sprawling face first into the giant puddle of shit at the bottom of the hole. I got paid two hundred dollars.¡±


    ¡°Is that a lot?¡± she asked.


    ¡°No. So I spent five dollars to drive back to my apartment, threw my fifty dollars worth of unsalvageable clothes in the trash, and took a shower to wash all the shit off me. Once that was done, I sat down to watch the news, only the usual newscaster was different¡­¡±


    Alicia listened to Garth¡¯s story, her eyes beginning to regain some of their life as he regaled her with his tales of moral dubiousness. It took the better part of two hours before Garth reached the end of his story, when the old Corio showed up and  caught him in a beam of light that blocked teleports.


    Garth described a riot of half-formed soul-memories, and then dropping to the ground in the center of a ritual full of naked Garthspawn trying to resurrect him.


    ¡°And that¡¯s the tale of the most evil man in recorded history.¡± Garth said, kicking his heels against the tree stump.


    ¡°Oh.¡± Alicia said, processing. She had gradually closed the distance between them until her luscious hips and thighs were pressing into him. Garth wasn¡¯t sure if it was conscious or not, but any closer and she¡¯d be sitting in his lap.


    Which he wouldn¡¯t mind. The girl was small enough to fit, nowadays. Garth had stopped his growth just two inches taller than Jim. There was no logical reason for it, he just wanted his brother to look up at him before he died.


    Garth felt like a giant among men, and the formerly formidable Denton looking rather petite in contrast was an interesting phenomenon. It afforded him a bird¡¯s eye view of the girl¡¯s neck, leading down into her collarbone, when he looked at her face beside him.


    They sat there, silently watching the grass grow, unsure of what to say to each other. It was pretty obvious to Garth that she found him attractive. She wanted him, but she had hang-ups, which mostly consisted of some ingrained need to profit from sex, and come out on top, and some deep-rooted fear he wasn¡¯t sure of.


    Ah, fuck it. We ain¡¯t getting any younger.


    ¡°S¡¯cuse me.¡± Garth murmured and nice-grabbed Alicia¡¯s waist. She let out a little squeak as she was lifted up and onto his lap, her magnificent bottom settling on his legs. It wasn¡¯t the first time he¡¯d had her on his lap, but it was the first time she¡¯d been so much smaller than him.


    ¡°Alicia, I want to show you something.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    Garth leaned, gently turned her head to the side with his left hand. He took in her blushed cheeks, bright blue eyes and crimson lips, inches away from his own. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, breath held in her throat.


    He kissed her. The girl stiffened at first, then relaxed, allowing her lips to soften against his own. Once her mouth was fully invested, Garth slid his left hand down from her cheek to her shoulder, then down to her modest breasts.


    Alicia moaned into Garth¡¯s mouth as he began to massage the gradually hardening nipples pressing against her shirt. His right hand drifted down her stomach, tickling the edge of her inner thighs as he stoked her practice leathers.


    Alicia¡¯s thighs drifted apart, inviting him to explore the warmth between her legs. Garth kept the molesting professional, gently stroking her mound through her pants until her hips began to rock back and forth in time to his movements, unconsciously rubbing her rounded bottom against the very edge of Garth¡¯s cock.


    Garth opened her mouth with his own and lured her tongue out, feeling the delicate bumps sliding against his lips.


    After maybe three minutes of the heart-pounding kiss, Garth pulled away, inspecting his pet/apprentice/toy. Her eyes were dazed, half lidded, jaw relaxed, allowing her lips to spread. She was panting with arousal, and the spot he was rubbing was getting warmer under his touch.


    ¡°Take off your pants.¡± Garth said.


    Alicia¡¯s eyes sharpened.


    ¡°What¡¯s in it for me?¡± she asked, a mischievous smile crossing her lips.


    Garth chuckled.


    ¡°Still the same girl,¡± he said as Alicia rose to her feet in front of him, languidly swaying her glorious hips back and forth in front of him, making it difficult to think.


    Difficult, but not impossible. This was a battle of wills, and Garth wasn¡¯t going to give her an inch.


    Garth shook his head. ¡°Seems like a dangerous precedent. I can¡¯t very well offer you a spell every time.¡±


    ¡°Besides,¡± Garth said, sliding his hand up her inner thigh until the side of his hand met soft flesh barely contained by leather.


    Alicia moaned and began sliding herself against him, making her juicy booty shake and flex in time with her movements.


    ¡°Something tells me you want to.¡±


    ¡°What I want,¡± Alicia panted, ¡°and what you get, aren¡¯t always going to be the same.¡±


    ¡°Alright. I¡¯ll tell you what¡¯s in it for you,¡± Garth said. ¡°If you take off your pants, you¡¯ll get a spanking. Otherwise, we¡¯ll stop here and get back on our way.¡±


    Alicia glanced at him over her shoulder, biting her lip as she thought about it. Her face turned red and she looked away from him as she hooked her thumbs in the waistband of her pants.


    She slowly drew the brown leather practice pants down along with her black silk panties ¨C more than Garth had expected ¨C  The waistband seemed to have trouble making its way down her plump cheeks, dimpling them as it slid along her smooth skin, revealing her ass in its entirety. The black underwear peeled soggily away from her crotch as she bent forward.


    ¡°That¡¯s far enough,¡± Garth said once the pants were halfway down.


    He took her hand and guided her to fold herself over his knees.


    Garth took a moment to study her pale skin, rounded cheeks, and the obvious arousal between them.


    Then he brought his hand down on her soft flesh, sending a resounding clap through the forest, accompanied by the girl¡¯s barely constrained groan.


    *******


    Crixis, your advice was good, you¡¯re gonna do great.¡± Garth said, patting the remorseless goblin killer on the head before sending him through Linda¡¯s Gate.


    Garth realigned the gate to another planet, sending pair after pair of goblin hunters to premarked abandoned Gates scattered across the multiverse that Itet and Linda used to avoid official attention.


    Garth couldn¡¯t just send two goblins into the center of a city and expect them not to get murdered immediately, regardless of how docile they were.


    Alicia was standing off to the side, gawking at the Tzetin army bustling about the chamber buried beneath her city. She was standing because she couldn¡¯t sit down without making strange noises.


    ¡°So, how many ¡®apprentices¡¯ do you have?¡± Linda asked, cocking an eyebrow as she leaned against the Gate, her green eye peering into his soul.


    ¡°Just the two.¡± Garth gave her a wink.


    ¡°And how soon do you plan on dealing with the orb in the church?¡±


    ¡°Day after tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°I look forward to it.¡±


    Macronomicon


    I was procrastinating the F*ck out of this, and realized if I didn''t get it started now I''d be behind by 2-3 days and nobody wants that. So, here''s 3/20 of the Outer Sphere Dump for you guys while I get ready for my weekend of D&D.


    2 chapters a day for 10 days sounds about right.


    After this dump, Patreon will be 32-35 chapters ahead. Matter of fact, I''m gonna go batch change all the permissions as soon as I''m done scheduling this.


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 171: The day after Tomorrow

    Garth sat in the pews, glaring at the orb held by the black statue of Sassia. Garth had no idea why one of Dr. Daniel¡¯s old partners in crime was immortalized in stone, holding an orb that disseminated tiny, self-replicating curses, but it didn¡¯t really matter right now.


    When he had seen the orb the first time, it had been dormant, but now that he was attending mass, he was absolutely sure that it was doing exactly what he thought it had been.


    Tiny little flecks of dark red mana shot out of the orb like omnidirectional rain. They were so tiny that Garth might not have been able to see them before his senses were roughly equivilant to an eagle with a telescope. He could see them sinking into people¡¯s skin and then gradually drawing on mana in the environment to replicate, about one copy every half hour popped out of people as they sat, listening to the priest¡¯s sermon.


    A magical disease. And the symptom was forgetting someone.


    On the plus side, for the orb to work, the field that suppressed mana had to be lowered. The field was generated by a lever out of sight of the congregation that plunged a rather large Aether crystal down into a similarly large, intricately carved dungeon core.


    Garth briefly considered stealing that too, but decided against it. With Linda¡¯s connection to the multiverse, there were less risky ways to smuggle Aether crystals onto the planet.


    The biggest problem, Garth thought, idly playing with the nearly indestructible seashells around his neck, Is that I can¡¯t touch the damn thing. That had been the first thing Garth had discovered.


    He might be Jim¡¯s brother, but either his planty-ness or his not being the spawn of the cunt¡¯s semen, meant that grabbing the thing himself was off the table. That was the first thing that Garth had checked a few weeks ago, while Fred and Zack distracted everyone by beating the crap out of each other.


    I liked the part where Fred bit the priest, Garth thought with a grin.


    Being unable to touch the damn thing was a setback. It meant Garth would have to come up with an alternative, either make a workaround, or find a Jimspawn patsy.


    Garth had decided to try the second one first. After studying the orb in his memories, divested of its physical shell, he was able to reverse engineer the bit of magic that only allowed people descended from Jim to touch it.


    The technique harkened back to when he first learned Recursive Spell from one of Beladia¡¯s powers.


    It was a relatively simple piece of work, and the way the spell was shaped required that there be a drop of the founder¡¯s blood at the very center of the spell, which Garth was very interested in obtaining.


    The spell read the blood inside, and decreed that anyone descended from aforementioned blood would be allowed through the barrier. The interesting part was that it boosted it¡¯s power by drawing energy from churchgoers.


    There is power in will, even if the people praying don¡¯t notice it, they still cause a little eddy of magic.


    Not enough to do anything themselves, but the effect was there.


    It reminded Garth of static electricity. Magical static electricity generated by thousands of people worshipping the same guy in the same way.


    The orb collected that and used it to reinforce it¡¯s own defenses.


    With its shields up and the latent power of tens of thousands of people supporting it, Garth wouldn¡¯t be surprised if Linda couldn¡¯t nuke it from orbit.


    Well, maybe on the second try, once all the believers were vaporized.


    Still, Garth was pretty sure he had an easier way to get the orb.


    Enter Caitlyn.


    Caitlyn was sitting next to him fidgeting nervously. She was a lot worse at dealing with stress than Alicia was, her eyes constantly darting around and jumping at sudden noises.


    Not exactly ideal.


    Garth had done a little sword-from-the-stone testing and found that Caitlyn was distantly descended from Garth¡¯s brother. She was also descended from Garth on account of her mom being Garthspawn, but who wasn¡¯t at this point?


    That¡¯s a bit of a downer, Garth thought. She was lovely, but also his brother¡¯s great, great¡­whatever. It was meaningless, but still messed with his head a bit. Best not to think about it.


    ¡°You¡¯re gonna be fine, relax.¡±


    ¡°What if it doesn¡¯t work?¡± she asked, nearly hyperventilating.


    ¡°Stop and smell the flower,¡± Garth said, pulling a flower out of his pocket and offering it to her.


    Caitlyn inhaled the mild sedatives deeply and relaxed back into her chair, handing it back to Garth while the priest continued his sermon.


    ¡°If it doesn¡¯t work, just go back to what you were doing, like nothing happened.¡± Garth explained. ¡°When it does work, you finish mass and walk out of here.¡±


    ¡°Like nothing happened?¡± the redheaded girl asked, glancing up at him.


    ¡°Now you¡¯re getting it.¡±


    They waited until Communion, when everyone was called up to accept the flesh of Jim.


    Garth shuddered. It was a little wafer like before, but it was still gross to think of it. I mean, what part of Jim¡¯s flesh exactly? His taint? And who wants to ritualistically cannibalize their deity anyway?


    Garth joined the back of the line, and when Caitlyn made it to the front, as close to the orb as she could get, he felt a hand grab his shoulder.


    ¡°The fuck did you just say to me?¡± one of the new recruits, a kid named John said, glaring up at him.


    ¡°I said you¡¯re a scrawny cunt with no manners!¡± Garth shouted, enjoying his role in the distraction this time around.


    Let¡¯s see if I can bite that priest on the other ankle.


    John obligingly tackled him halfway across the gigantic church, landing them squarely twenty feet opposite Caitlyn. In order to rubberneck, the crowd would have to look directly away from the orb.


    And who doesn¡¯t love rubbernecking?


    ¡°Hey! Not again!¡± the priest shouted, limping over to them as the crowd of some five hundred people turned to watch them.


    That¡¯s your cue kid, Garth thought.


    Just like they¡¯d practiced, Caitlyn leapt to her feet, hopped over the decorative bannister and touched the orb with her smuggler¡¯s band. The blue-green glass orb flickered out of existence, then back in as a perfect replica took its place.


    Caitlyn hopped back over the bannister and turned to watch the scuffle.


    John was on top of garth, possibly channeling some kind of resentment for his months of intense training through feral punches, but Garth barely felt it.


    When he saw Caitlyn watching, he gave her a wink before biting the priest¡¯s uninjured leg as the man tried to separate them.


    ¡°AAAH!¡±


    ******


    ¡°And stay out of the house of the Founder, you mad dogs!¡± The enforcer said, tossing Garth and John out onto the street.


    ¡°That went pretty well,¡± Garth said, levering himself up from the muck. Horse drawn carriages included a lot of horse-shit on the roads.


    ¡°Pssh, you didn¡¯t even put up a fight.¡± John said, dusting himself off.


    ¡°Wasn¡¯t part of the plan. Why, did you want me to?¡± Garth said, looking down at John. The six-foot tall kid came up to his nose.


    ¡°Um¡­no sir.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± Garth tossed John a thousand credit coin. ¡°Go take the rest of the day off. I still gotta wait for the package.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t mind if I do,¡± he said, ambling in the direction of the re-light district.


    ¡°Don¡¯t spend it all in one place!¡± Garth shouted after him.


    Garth settled into waiting outside the church, idling his time away by designing a spell that would make Jim¡¯s statues show signs of aging, growing paunchy beer guts, big noses, and hair in their ears over the next hundred years or so.


    So slow, they won¡¯t even notice, Garth thought to himself, chuckling as he added a receding hairline.


    Garth put a pin in the side-project when mass started being let out. Garth leaned against the wall of the building opposite the church¡¯s entrance, watching each and every person exit the wide doors and walk down the marble steps.


    After a minute, Garth saw Caitlyn walking up to the entrance, her head down, looking nervous.


    We really gotta work on that. Garth thought as she walked through the entrance.


    Every part of her except the Status Band. That struck some kind of dome that turned opaque against the status band.


    Garth extrapolated the size and shape of the dome from that small piece of it, and realized there had to be something buried deep under the church that prevented anyone with making off with the orb. Or maybe it was meant to protect Jim¡¯s blood. That might be more likely.


    Well, damn. Be nice if something went according to plan one day.


    Garth spotted the dome flare into existence just as an ear-piercing alarm went off and an adamantium sheet began to slam shut in front of the startled redhead. He could simply go home and tear up her contract, leaving her holding the damning evidence with no memory of how she got there, but that seemed like something of a dick move.


    Haste, Teleport, Greater Invisibility


    Garth leapt forward, tunneling through space to tackle Caitlyn to the ground and rendering them both invisible, using the spell he¡¯d gotten from studying Succubi abilities.


    Garth clamped a hand over her mouth and dragged both of them away from the startled crowd clogging up the exit in slow-motion.


    ¡°Let¡¯s make lemonade,¡± Garth muttered as he watched the priest go for the magic suppressing lever in slow motion.


    ¡°Don¡¯t breathe.¡± Garth warned Caitlyn, who nodded.


    Before the priest could flip the switch, Garth filled the entire room with his patented forget-me spores?, dragging Caitlyn to the back entrance.


    The priest almost managed to flip the switch, but after a couple breaths, he and everyone else in the room stood staring blankly at the walls like zombies.


    Garth hustled the two of them over to the rear entrance that led deeper into the church, where an armed response team was boiling out of the inner sanctums, eyes full of zeal.


    Garth and Caitlyn silently waited for all six of the armored knights to clomp into the church before tracing their steps further into the church.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Garth heard their leader shout as they tiptoed behind them, plunging deeper into the bowels of the church.


    When they expect you to run away, the best place to hide is under their nose.


    And Garth really, really wanted that book.


    ¡°Father, what¡¯s¡­going¡­on?¡±


    Seemed like the forget-me spores were having their effect, despite the resistances to poison in the men¡¯s enchantments. It wouldn¡¯t last forever, though. they had an extra few minutes to find the thing preventing the orb from leaving, smash it, and be on their merry way.


    On the other hand, Garth thought, grabbing the status band and trying to teleport it away. It didn¡¯t work.


    Ah well, guess we have to do this the hard way, Garth thought as they crept down the stone steps.


    ¡°You can breathe now,¡± GArth said as they got to the bottom, far outside the influence of his drug-filled spores.


    Caitlyn inhaled a gasping breath.


    ¡°We¡¯re gonna die!¡± she whispered. ¡°Why did you go deeper!?¡±


    ¡°Relax,¡± Garth said, handing her the flower again. ¡°This isn¡¯t even the most dangerous pickle I¡¯ve ever been in. Did I ever tell you about the time I pinched my sister-in-law¡¯s ass by mistake?¡±


    She looked at him with rounded eyes and shook her head.


    Garth summoned Shadow in the form of a black Labrador. Garth could use some extra scouting power. Garth bent down and ruffled the dog¡¯s ears. See if you can track down the source of that spell keeping us in here, please.


    Garth stood back up as Shadow started sniffing around in front of them. He launched into the sordid tale in order to keep Caitlyn distracted from the possibility of death.


    ¡°Well, we were out shopping¡­¡±


    Caitlyn McDonnell


    Human


    Non-citizen of the Inner Spheres


    -Strength- 20 - Capped


    -Endurance- 15 - Capped


    -Speed- 25- Capped


    -Intelligence- 30- Capped


    -Memory- 20- Capped


    -Senses- 20- Capped


    Blessings: None


    Class: None


    Skills: Enchanting, Smithing, Engineering, Etiquette, Mana Channel*, Mana Wielding*, Spell Theory*,


    Spells: Telekinesis, Mass shift, Heat, Cold, Force Armor, Fly, Force Shield,


    Evolutions: Mana Sight


    Macronomicon


    I was procrastinating the F*ck out of this, and realized if I didn''t get it started now I''d be behind by 2-3 days and nobody wants that. So, here''s 4/20 of the Outer Sphere Dump for you guys while I get ready for my weekend of D&D.


    2 chapters a day for 10 days sounds about right.


    After this dump, Patreon will be 32-35 chapters ahead. Matter of fact, I''m gonna go batch change all the permissions as soon as I''m done scheduling this.


    Enjoy!

 Chapter 172: Operational Security

    The area under the church was much bigger than it should have been. Long marble halls stretched in three directions from the staircase, with no indication offending anytime soon. The halls were well lit by tiny enchanted bits of core in recessed alcoves above them.


    The whole thing looked¡­modern.


    Studding the walls were door after door with reinforced glass windows, and behind each door was a¡­specimen?


    There was a man that looked somewhat like a shaggy minotaur behind one of the doors, except his horns were too thick and his hair looked like he could survive a nuclear winter in comfort and style.


    Further along was some kind of snake-child, the age old question of ¡®wouldn¡¯t it be cool if we could stick arms on a snake?¡¯ at least the kid ¨C it was probably a kid ¨C wasn¡¯t stuck halfway between legs and slithering and therefore unable to move.


    GArth could just see it hissing ¡®kill¡­meee.¡¯


    It seems like they¡¯d found¡­some kind of research facility?


    ¡°Now that¡¯s interesting.¡± Garth murmured as they followed Shadow, who was snuffling the ground in search of the thing hindering their escape. They followed the hall to the left for a good hundred feet when a door opened behind them, causing Caitlyn to inhale a sudden panicked breath.


    Garth put a hand over her mouth again and they leaned into a doorway, pressing into it as flat as they could.


    It was a meaningless gesture, more reflexive than thought out.


    Luckily for them, the woman who came through the door had her nose in a stack of papers, and was heading the opposite direction.


    She wasn¡¯t wearing a lab coat, per se, but she gave off the scientist vibes, and was wearing a white uniform.


    Garth dragged Caitlyn along behind him, aiming for the door the woman had just come through, his instincts screaming at him to take advantage of any temporarily unlocked door.


    He managed to slide Caitlyn through just before the door latched shut. Shadow oozed under the doorframe and popped back to full size, watching him with a curious head-tilt.


    ¡°It¡¯s sneaking around secret government facilities one o¡¯ one,¡± Garth whispered. ¡°Always go for the slowly closing door.¡±


    Shadow seemed to agree. Or at least it didn¡¯t show any outward signs and going back to sniffing the floor.


    The room they found themselves in this time had¡­a lot more people in it, a bunch of eggheads at the opposite side of the room all staring through a large piece of glass, taking notes and muttering to themselves. There must have been a dozen of them, and if even one of them turned around, Garth would have the unenviable task of punching a bunch of people wearing glasses. Terrible Karma, that.


    He still wanted to know what they were looking at.


    ¡°don¡¯t let anyone out the door, Garth said, directing a glance at the two of them. Garth tried to harness a little mana, but predictably, the mana was vacuum sealed to the floor. This was a no-go zone.


    Makes sense.


    Garth tiptoed up behind the dozen lab workers, noting that they were rather racially diverse. Two humans, three corio, a benkei, five shinta and a couple oddballs, Garth couldn¡¯t name.


    Luckily for him, Garth had recently gotten rather tall, so he was able to make out what they were staring at without having to jostle through them.


    What garth saw was horrifying.


    There were three children in a dozen cages.


    Garth said three because the other children weren¡¯t children, per se. They were Kipling. Little pale lanky mockeries of the human form.


    Before Garth could do anything, the frontmost researcher pressed a button in front of himself, and a brilliant light shown down above the tenth cage.


    Garth¡¯s Mana Sight being what it was nowadays, he saw the Kipling spirit¡­or whatever the fuck it was, come down from whatever container it had been held in, circling lazily around the brown-haired boy. It was nearly invisible, bending the mana around it, and it didn¡¯t have much of a form, but it did have eyes that watched its prey hungrily.


    Don¡¯t you fucking dare. Garth thought furiously.


    As if it heard him, the spirit looked up at Garth and the researchers, and the invisible thing twisted violently before slamming up against the glass, aiming for Garth. The hairs on Garth¡¯s head stood as the researchers began to mutter to each other, heedless of the invisible thing trying to get through the glass.


    ¡°Integration is slow. Do you think we got a dud?¡±


    ¡°Give it a minute or two. There¡¯s no rush,¡± a seasoned corio said, still watching.


    The Kipling spirit battered itself against the window futilely for another second before it seemingly gave up, heading for the shivering ragamuffin.


    ¡°No, you cocksucker!¡± Garth shouted, startling every person in the room, including himself.


    Rather than take the time to explain what he was doing there or come up with a clever solution, Garth lunged forward, shoved the balding orc with spectacles out of the way and punched the glass, perforating it with his carbon-reinforced knuckle. Garth¡¯s attributes didn¡¯t reflect his self-modifications.


    ¡°Come get some, asshole!¡± Garth motioned to the invisible thing. It seemed to smirk, lazily sliding away from the kid and heading for the hole in the glass.


    Now, how the fuck do I deal with a soul-devouring monstrosity that takes bodies with no access to mana?


    ¡°What are you doing!?¡± The corio researcher demanded, seemingly the one in charge of the experiment.


    ¡°One side, Jim,¡± Garth pushed the man away and raised his hand to catch the evil spirit slithering through the hole in the magically warded glass.


    It probably wasn¡¯t a great idea, but Garth didn¡¯t really have much of a choice. Garth covered his hand in a thin film of Beladia¡¯s mana, which shrugged off the magic dead-zone like it wasn¡¯t even there. Garth¡¯s green glowing hand clamped down on the wiggling¡­thing, and he grinned as it¡¯s eyes widened in surprise.


    Betcha didn¡¯t see that coming, you little shit.


    Beladia¡¯s mana seemed to cause the thing physical pain as it writhed in his grasp, accompanied by a sizzling, popping sensation against Garth¡¯s skin.


    Garth brought another mana-laced hand up to tear the thing in half when it managed to squirm out of his grasp. Slippery thing. It gave him a cautious look and instead went for the corio on the ground, slipping around Garth¡¯s hand and up the nose of the corio.


    The blue ibex-man began shuddering, his limbs elongating, and his previously flat teeth becoming sharp and pointy.


    Hmmm. Let me stop and consider the deep moral ramifications.


    Garth grabbed the guy¡¯s horns and twisted, hard and fast, severing his spine.


    Killed a kipling, killed a guy who torments children for a living. Win-win.


    The Kipling had other ideas though. The invisible spirit flew from the mouth of the corio with his head on backwards and shot into the balding orc.


    Huh, this might be more complicated than I thought, Garth thought, as the orc fell to the ground and began convulsing.


    Well, when a problem gets complicated, put a bandaid on that shit and ask for help, Garth thought, breaking the orc¡¯s arm and legs while the rest of the researchers began to flee in panic.


    The orc finished the transformation, becoming a slavering Kipling version of himself, eyeing Garth hungrily. Unfortunately the creature¡¯s limbs were damaged beyond repair and Garth was sitting on his back, pressing him into the stone floor of the research facility.


    There, band-aid applied. Now¡­


    The remaining ten researchers were bottlenecked at the door where Shadow growled at them, the size of a panther.


    ¡°Hey, eggheads.¡± Garth said. ¡°What¡¯s the deal with this guy?¡± he asked, pointing at the Kipling underneath him.


    They were too busy staring at Shadow, who¡¯d grown some pretty respectable fangs.


    ¡°HEY!¡± Garth shouted loud enough to vibrate the industrial spirit-proof glass.


    The researchers hesitantly looked back at him.


    ¡°What¡¯s the deal with this guy? Is he gonna enter a new body every time I kill him, or what?¡±


    ¡°I¡­don¡¯t know.¡± One of the lanky shinta women said.


    ¡°Well, what were you studying here? Unless you were just putting Kipling in kid¡¯s bodies for shits and giggles.¡±


    The shinta woman stepped forward and started saying something, but it was interrupted by a snarl from her former co-worker.


    ¡°Shut up a sec.¡± Garth said, busting the creature¡¯s jaw. He glanced back at her. ¡°Go on.¡±


    ¡°You know the theory of the Kipling?¡±


    ¡°A symbiotic species that goes ridealong with dungeon cores. Not being restricted by the speed of light, they take over sapient hosts on the target planet weeks before the cores show up, boosting the odds that a dungeon will complete its lifecycle and poke a hole in the fabric of reality to start the process all over again. The interplanetary version of a virus, actually.


    ¡°Um¡­yes.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯m surprised you-¡°


    ¡°I¡¯ve been around the block a couple times,¡± Garth said, waving it off. ¡°What were you studying in this Podunk backwater?¡± Garth looked them up and down. They were most likely with the Dan Ui clan, and Earth was being used as a sort of Area 51, where no one really wanted to go anyway.


    The plot thickens. Garth thought as the shinta organized her thoughts.


    ¡°Think of the collection of realities we experience to be a cluster of bubbles at the bottom of a deep ocean. The kipling came from beyond that abyss, and we know almost nothing about them. If we could understand more about what makes them the way they are, we just might be able to create something that prevents them from entering our realities from beyond the edge of nothing.¡±


    ¡°Huh, and how does putting them in children factor into this?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°They¡¯re easy to get?¡± she said with a wince.


    ¡°Right, and why were you putting them in anyone, for that matter?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve recently developed equipment that can detect Kipling that have mutated. By studying their entire lifecycle, we hope to identify traits that can be more beneficial to society as a whole.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re trying to engineer them? It sounds like you¡¯re telling me that you¡¯re going through thousands of them, looking for a mutant with exactly the traits you want, like you¡¯re breeding freaking apple trees.¡±


    ¡°Which still leaves the question, why were you using children?¡±


    ¡°I have no excuse.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s more like it.¡± Garth said, glancing around. Now, how to put a lid on this shit show.


    ¡°But it¡¯s for a good cause!¡±


    Garth put a fist down through the orc¡¯s brain stem, killing him instantly.


    The Kipling, having not learned its lesson the first time, tried to dart up and into Garth¡¯s nose.


    Garth backhanded the spirit away, toward Ms. ¡®it¡¯s for a good cause¡¯ the spirit reoriented itself and shot into her open mouth.


    She started convulsing as Garth stood up.


    ¡°I might be a bit of an evil scientist type myself,¡± Garth said, standing up and grabbing the mutating shinta by the back of her neck, hauling her toward the glass.


    Garth found the switches to unlock the side door and the last three cages and flipped them.


    ¡°But I always stop and think about the cost in suffering before I go on a wild freaking human experimentation bender.¡±


    Garth dragged her past the nine cages with kipling in them, to the tenth, where the moppy headed boy was cowering in the corner of the unlocked cage, staring at him with wide eyes.


    ¡°Out.¡± Garth said, pointing his thumb. The kid nodded and vacated the cage moments before Garth tossed the snarling abomination inside and slammed the door shut. The former researcher began banging on the cage bars in mindless fury.


    ¡°You, you, and you, you¡¯re coming with me,¡± GArth said, pointing at the three kids.


    He hadn¡¯t intended to do any rescuing, but now that he was committed, it would feel like a waste of time not to save them. If he left them, the people in charge would go ¡®ho hum, let¡¯s continue with the experiments,¡¯ and that would be the end of the kids, so if he wanted all the shit he¡¯d gone through today to have any meaning, he had to get them out of here.


    Ah, the good old Sunk Cost Bias. How I¡¯ve missed you.


    A thought briefly occurred to Garth and he eyed them suspiciously. Sure hope none of them have a mutant kipling inside them that looks perfectly normal. Garth had seen too many sci-fi horror movies to fall for that lame shtick.


    I¡¯ll have Mrs. Banyan keep a close eye on them for a couple weeks, Garth thought as they followed him meekly out the door like ducklings.


    Garth got back in the room to find the nine remaining researchers watching him fearfully. Eleven corpses, ten hungry Kipling. Dang, the numbers almost work out just right. well, at least I know what I¡¯m gonna do with them once I¡¯m done with my questions.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, bending down to use the orc¡¯s uniform to wipe the blood off his hands. ¡°You.¡± He pointed at the closest researcher. ¡°Which way is whatever is generating the security field? The generator room, or the security room, or whatever it¡¯s called?¡±


    ¡°out the door and to the left. All the way to the end of the hall,¡± one researcher said, nodding nervously.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go check it out together,¡± Garth said, grabbing the human by the back of the neck and steering him toward the door. ¡°Of course if it¡¯s not the right spot¡­¡±


    ¡°Take a right, a right! end of the hall on the right!¡± he squawked.


    ¡°Ah, it¡¯s okay, people can be confused during a traumatic event.¡±


    Garth briefly considered bringing some of the researchers with him for debriefing, but his hands were already full with Caitlyn and three cling-ons.


    Plus Mrs. Banyan had been getting really passive-aggressive about ¡®Operational Security.¡¯


    Garth snapped the man¡¯s neck with his fingers.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 173: Hypocrisy, Schmipocrisy

    The scientists broke in all directions, aiming for the safety in numbers of¡­where exactly? Shadow was still covering the exit. Maybe if they all rushed him, a couple would get out, but they seemed to be too panic stricken to roll those dice, choosing to scatter.


    ¡°If you guys keep ¨C ¡° Garth snagged one by the back of the neck. ¡°Running, it¡¯s going to take all day to kill all of you.¡± Garth prepared himself to end the man¡¯s life.


    ¡°Garth!¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth asked, glancing up at Caitlyn, who was watching him with a horrified expression. The kids were hiding behind her too, for some reason.


    ¡°Do you have to kill them?¡± She asked.


    Garth thought about that for a moment.


    ¡°Nobody ever has to do anything, Cait, I¡¯m doing it because I want to.¡±


    ¡°Could you not do it?¡±


    Garth glanced over at the researchers huddling in the opposite corner of the room like frightened animals, and scratched his chin.


    ¡°Yeah, I suppose I could, but let me offer a rebuttal.¡±


    Garth faced the scientists and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. ¡°That beautiful redhead behind me is Caitlyn McDonnell of the local McDonnell family.¡±


    ¡°Why are you telling them that!?¡± She shouted.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it would take like, three questions to figure that out. They¡¯ve seen your face after all. I¡¯m just bringing the problem into focus for you.¡±


    ¡°Now Caitlyn here, was able to steal the orb in the church above us, proving that she¡¯s a descendant of Jim Daniels. That means the rest of her family is, too.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Caitlyn asked, her jaw dropped.


    ¡°Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Your great great-something grandmother got the ground and pound from my brother. You¡¯re technically my niece and my granddaughter. Grats.¡±


    ¡°You told me it was a personality test!¡±


    ¡°Eh.¡± He shrugged.


    ¡°Now,¡± Garth said, addressing the scientists again. ¡°Do each and every single one of you, swear to keep her identity a secret no matter what heinous tortures are performed on you after we leave?¡±


    They all nodded.


    ¡°Garth.¡±


    ¡°No matter how far away we are, and no matter how many promises the Dan Ui clan make to relocate you preventing any real possibility of us ever threatening you again? You swearsies?¡±


    They didn¡¯t seem quite so sure of themselves that time.


    ¡°Garth!¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡± he asked, glancing over his shoulder at Caitlyn.


    ¡°I get it. But can¡¯t you¡­take them with us or something?¡±


    Garth opened his mouth to say no, then considered it. It was much like the ferrying three animals across the water problem.


    Leave the chicken with the fox and it¡¯ll get eaten.


    Leave the researchers here while he took Cait back to base and they¡¯d scatter instantly.


    Leave her here too long and she was likely to get murdered by men with big swords.


    ¡°Excuse me,¡± A Shinta man raised a hand as Garth was contemplating their fate.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Are you the Garth who waterboarded an Elf?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯d be me.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re pretty infamous on this side of the Sphere.¡±


    ¡°Aw, don¡¯t try to butter me up.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°It¡¯s true,¡± A Benkei said. ¡°You¡¯re the first person to assault an elf in tens of thousands of years, then you just disappeared. The bounty on you is¡­astronomical.¡±


    ¡°¡­How astronomical are we talking here? Literally astronomical, or metaphorically astronomical?¡±


    ¡°Garth!?¡± Caitlyn asked.


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked. ¡°I¡¯m sure the Inner Spheres has planets available for astronomical bounty rewards.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s beside the point!¡±


    Garth frowned, looking at the huddled mixed species pile of eggheads, and realized he¡¯d lost his Kill-boner, which meant now he¡¯d have to kill them in cold blood, and that was less satisfying.


    ¡°Eh, you guys ruined the mood,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°So let¡¯s have a tiebreaker. Tell me one good thing your research has contributed to society. Ready, go.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re working on countermeasures for the Kipl-¡°


    ¡°Stuff you¡¯ve already contributed.¡± Garth clarified. ¡°I thought that was implicit in my previous statement.¡±


    ¡°We can use our research to identify and disable mutant Kipling faster than ever before.¡±


    ¡°I bet you one dollar against everything I own that technology won¡¯t make it to the outer spheres where it¡¯s needed.¡±


    The scientists squirmed a bit at that.


    ¡°Well, if you don¡¯t have anything to add¡­¡± Garth said, approaching them. Maybe there¡¯s a chair leg I can club them with or something, getting blood all over my hands is ruining my shirt.


    ¡°We figured out how to synthesize and mutate cores!¡± A corio woman shouted.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Garth stopped. ¡°Oooh.¡±


    ¡°You guys know how to create new dungeons?¡± Garth asked, squatting down to inspect them eye-to-eye.


    Dungeons formed the basis of any planet¡¯s economy. If they figured out how to make their own, the only limit to production would be sheer manpower.


    ¡°It¡¯s theoretical and would take a staggering amount of energy, but yes.¡±


    So they don¡¯t actually know how to do it yet¡­But still, the temptation of that kind of power was hard to ignore.


    ¡°And is this something unique to your team, or is it something any researcher would know?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s unique to us.¡± The corio said, her voice quavering. ¡°We¡¯ve been studying mutation for years, the thirteen of us.


    Oh yeah, the woman in the hallway.


    ¡°You¡¯re not gonna tell me I killed the four best researchers already, are you?¡± Garth asked,


    ¡°Johas and Felda were rather politically minded fools, but Kemmel¡¯s loss will sting. Duras was an undergrad.¡±


    ¡°Sounds like I got lucky,¡± Garth said, climbing to his feet. ¡°Consider yourselves Shanghaied.¡±


    Once the limits on his magic were dropped, all he needed to do was make a secure room, and create a plant portal, like Cass had done so many years ago.


    If Garth was the last one through, not a single one would be able to get away.


    Ideally.


    ¡°Alright, I¡¯m going to step out of here, then you¡¯re going to follow me out and make the turn toward the security room while I count you off. If someone doesn¡¯t come out, I¡¯ll kill ¡®em. If they try to run, I¡¯ll kill ¡®em. Understood?


    They nodded enthusiastically.


    ¡°Gimme a second to feed Johas, Felda, Kemmel and Duras to your experiments.¡±


    Can¡¯t have people casting Speak With Dead.


    Garth leaned down and picked up a cold ankle. ¡°It¡¯s for a good cause.¡±


    A minute later Garth stepped outside of the room and stepped to the left, herding the researchers to the right, toward the security room.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± The woman in uniform called out, jogging down the hall toward them, clutching her notepad against her chest as she ran.


    ¡°The Dan Ui has decided to relocate your team. If you could join the line.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re covered in blood!¡± she said, looking him up and down.


    ¡°That¡¯s fairly obvious.¡±


    ¡°Kenna, run!¡± one of the men harsh whispered.


    Garth rolled his eyes and lunged forward, grabbing this Kenna person and putting her in line in front of the whisperer.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t expressly forbid you from speaking, so I¡¯m gonna let that one slide, but if you fucking do anything like that again, I¡¯m not gonna kill you, I¡¯m gonna kill the girl you risked your life for, understood?¡±


    Kenna seemed pretty stunned, staring wide eyed at Garth, but the other researchers kept their heads down.


    ¡°Understood,¡± Mr. Whisperer said.


    ¡°Awesome.¡± Garth stepped back and put them back to walking toward the Security room.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Kenna asked, totally confused.


    ¡°Shhh.¡± One of Garth¡¯s prisoners hissed.


    ¡°Beladia, this is so much messier than just killing them.¡± Garth massaged the bridge of his nose, up into his eyebrows, accidentally smearing blood on his face. They probably had spouses or relatives that would need kidnapping or assuaging. This could go on for months.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it better than killing them?¡± Caitlyn asked, bringing up the rear.


    ¡°Debatable.¡±


    I almost wish Alicia had been the descendant. As weird as that would have been, at least the girl is comfortable with murdering people for the sake of convenience.


    ¡°Halt, in the name of the Founder!¡±


    Garth glanced over at the three heavily armed and armored man at the end of the hall. The one in the lead was leveling a sword at him.


    Their faces were covered by a steel helm with Jim¡¯s face printed onto it.


    The message was clear.


    If you fight us, you¡¯re fighting the Founder, and everything humanity stands for.


    But to Garth it just looked like an opportunity to beat on Jim¡¯s face for a minute.


    ¡°Cait, would you be a dear and take them to the security room and smash whatever needs to be smashed. Shadow, make sure she doesn¡¯t get mutinied on.¡±


    Shadow cocked his head to the side for a moment, then went on ahead, his claws clicking on the stone floor as he herded the eggheads.


    ¡°Okay,¡± Caitlyn said, pushing the researchers forward.


    Once they got moving again, Garth turned to face the three suits of armor jangling down the hallway toward him.


    Garth hadn¡¯t done much stress-testing of his new body in the absence of magic, so this seemed like as good a time as any. But of course it was always best to start by trying to talk your way out of it.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, raising his hands. ¡°You got me. Let¡¯s-¡°


    They were past words, apparently. A razor-sharp steel blade whistled through the air towards Garth¡¯s neck.


    Garth interposed his knuckles between himself and the blade. The steel begrudgingly cut through the skin of his knuckles, but stopped dead upon striking his reinforced bone, ringing like it had struck a solid block of granite.


    The soldier grunted with pain, staggering back and clutching his wrist, where the rebound had surely done some damage.


    ¡°He¡¯s got some kind of armor, use your faith!¡±


    The other two soldiers paused for a second as Garth watched, and drew a bit of mana from the reservoirs under their armor, drawing it along their blades until they glowed with a holy light.


    Garth read the spell as they cast it, slow as they were at shaping the mana. It was a bit like waiting for a seventh grader to stumble through reading something aloud when you already knew the subject matter.


    The spell made the sword sharper, sure, but it didn¡¯t have to make it glow with ¡®holy¡¯ radiance. That was just pageantry. That told Garth that these guys didn¡¯t really have a grasp of what they were doing. They had been taught to do one thing without any of the concepts behind it, like a raven can be taught to drop a quarter in a vending machine for peanuts without having any idea what currency is.


    ¡°Faith? Come on, that¡¯s just a spell.¡± Garth said, motioning to the men dismissively.


    ¡°Die, heretic!¡± one of them screamed, lunging forward with his glowing sword.


    Hmm.


    Garth intercepted the blade with his left hand, and sure enough, it sliced through it like a tomato, sending a handful of his fingers scattering across the floor. Not strong enough to resist magically enhanced weapons, good to know.


    Gotta clean those fingers and blood up on the way out, Garth thought to himself as he ducked under the swing, punched Jim right in his smug ass face before forming a spear with his right hand and piercing the man¡¯s armor with his fingers, grabbing the mana reservoir and yanking it back out with the tortured squeal of tearing steel.


    ¡°Look, I can do it too,¡± Garth said, siphoning the mana out of the little core wafer battery and wiggling his left hand as it regrew, bathed in holy light. The grabbing of the reservoir hadn¡¯t been gentle, and the man staggered back, clutching his chest.


    ¡°Guess my faith must be faithier.¡±


    When the third soldier attacked again, Garth ended it with a quick punch to the face, sending the man catapulting back down the hall at lethal speeds. Garth dispassionately killed the other two before they could start begging for their lives.


    Killing begging people when you weren¡¯t mad was hard. Harder than fighting three faceless guys in armor anyway.


    Garth pulled a hanky out of the lead knights¡¯ armor, and scooped up his errant fingers, then wiped up his blood and lit that section of the floor on fire with the battery.


    ¡°YOU! Explain this!¡± A knight with his helmet open to reveal a greying beard below eyes that burned with zealous fire.


    Suddenly the pressure bearing down on the mana in the area lifted, and Garth could make out the shape of it beginning to float back into the environment.


    ¡°I would explain how these men tripped on their own platemail and died from concussive blows to the head, but¡­ I don¡¯t wanna.¡±


    Garth turned and ran for the security room, dropping a massive load of forget-me spores behind him.


    ¡°After him! he¡¯s¡­um¡­.By The Founder, what happened here!?¡±


    Garth heard the man¡¯s focus break as he shut the door behind him. He gummed up the entrance with solid wood, then cast his eyes around the room.


    Against the far wall was a rather large core disc, around two feet in diameter, with a large aether crystal that had been pried out of the center, resting in Caitlyn¡¯s hands.


    In the center of the room was some kind of pool, a bird bath-like object ten feet on a side that had a tiny pinhole in the center, and seemed to¡­bounce mana?


    Garth glanced up and saw the other part of the satellite dish, the little block that collects all the concentrated information and sends it¡­somewhere.


    ¡°Not sure I wanna tug on that thread.¡± Garth muttered, looking back down at Caitlyn, who had surprisingly managed to keep the scientists in line with Shadow¡¯s help.


    ¡°Goodboi!¡± Garth said, kneeling to pet the creature of literal darkness. Shadow¡¯s tail began wagging so hard its entire butt began whipping around, banging against the satellite dish in the center of the room.


    ¡°Good work for you too Cait.¡± Garth said, reaching into his pocket and clicking the heart shaped button on the clicker.


    Caitlyn watched him with no reaction.


    A hundred miles away, Alicia yelped and collapsed in the middle of a practice lunge, landing facedown with her whole body twitching.


    Whoops, wrong one.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, patting the pocket full of fingers in his vest. ¡°Let¡¯s get this show on the road.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 174: The Wheel Turns.

    In the middle of the bamboo-Banyan jungle, a shimmering portal the size of a beach ball opened up, and a slender girl with a great mane of red hair jumped through, carrying a few licks of flame with her. She was followed almost instantly by half a dozen non-humans, wearing thick white uniforms with gold trim.


    Many of them sported burns and rolled on the forest floor, clutching their wounds under singed fabric.


    ¡°Whooo!¡± Garth cried, jumping out of the raging inferno and landing on the forest floor. Things had gotten pretty dicey when the captain guy started using fire spells to try and flush them out. Creating the portal plant had been a lot harder than he¡¯d expected and he¡¯d only managed one barely big enough to jump through like a trained animal.


    A second later, the portal closed, cutting off the searing waves of heat from the other side, leaving them alone in the forest of his creation.


    ¡°Thank you again Hastia,¡± Garth said, pinching out the part of his clothes that had caught fire.


    Garth could feel his seared shut eyeball heal and return to normal, along with the section of his arm that had been burned nearly to the bone.


    ¡°Garth, are you okay?¡± Caitlyn asked, climbing to her feet.


    ¡°Fine,¡± Garth said, healing the groaning researchers, studying them as he did.


    He couldn¡¯t exactly bring them into the fold and expect instant allegiance. Although that would be nice. The biggest problem was trusting them with access to things like research materials and Garth-Aid? and hoping they didn¡¯t devise some kind of superweapon to wipe him out while he wasn¡¯t looking.


    Looks like I¡¯ll have to delegate responsibility. And I know just the person.


    ¡°Who¡¯s the most senior member here? The one who¡¯s in charge when whoever was above them gets murdered?¡±


    A Corio woman raised her hand.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Ixel.¡±


    ¡°Ixel, make a list of everything you need to create and mutate synthesized cores, and give it to Caitlyn here. She¡¯s going to be your new project manager.¡±


    Ixel nodded, shying away from him.


    Jeez, you kill half their number and they treat you like some kind of giant spider or something.


    ¡°What? Why me? That will eat into my studying time.¡±


    ¡°And maybe you¡¯ll thing about that next time you beg me to keep a puppy you found on the road.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°They¡¯re people!¡±


    ¡°Eh,¡± Garth waggled his hand. ¡°But don¡¯t look at this as a glass half empty situation. Look at this as a You-have-your-very-own-research-team-situation. As long as I get my cores, I really don¡¯t care what else you do with them.¡±


    ¡°Imagine,¡± Garth said, putting a hand over her shoulder and dramatically waving his hand in front of them. You could have them help you create a fully automatic weapon, like one of those P-90¡¯s you saw on that show. Or even¡­a plane!¡±


    ¡°Oooo.¡± Caitlyn said, her eyes dancing with possibilities.


    Hook, line and sinker.


    ¡°Have Mrs. Banyan help you get them settled and get the things they need. If you find you¡¯re having trouble keeping them under control, ask Mrs. Banyan to give you a SP4-NK1-NG. As many as it takes. She¡¯ll know what that is.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t that Garth didn¡¯t think Caitlyn was smart enough to figure it out, it was more that modern kids don¡¯t have any concept of 1337 speak.


    ¡°Alright.¡± She said, nodding. She was about to turn away and get started with the researchers when Garth stopped her.


    ¡°Hold up. Band.¡± Garth held out his hand.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Caitlyn took off the Smuggler¡¯s Band and put it in his hand.


    ¡°Excuse me.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Caitlyn frowned as Garth poked her finger with a strangely sharp seed. ¡°Ow!¡±


    ¡°Just needed a drop,¡± Garth said before he healed her finger and ejected the Orb.


    The orb dropped to the ground, where it hovered about six inches above the forest floor.


    Garth tried to poke it with a stick: Nothing. The force field seemed to deflect everything that wasn¡¯t inherently Jim-aligned. I wonder how they work on it.


    I need you to grow into something that can touch the orb, use the blood as a template. Oh, and not a complete creature or anything, I don¡¯t want evil Caitlyn clones running around. Just an arm would be great.


    The seed in his hand sprouted into a pale, feminine arm dotted with freckles. The entire thing looked like it belonged to a giant. It was five feet long with fingers that would wrap around the orb easily.


    Garth aimed the giant Caitlyn hand at the orb and squeezed the base, using it like a claw-hand. The plant arm responded to the stimulus as planned and cinched down around the orb. Garth threw the whole package over his shoulder like a bindle, and gave the stunned Caitlyn a wink.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you do that from the beginning?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t know it would work.¡±


    Alright, now it can be moved around outside of the smuggler¡¯s band, but can it be moved into it? Garth tried to put away the both of them as a set, crossing his fingers that it would work.


    With a puff of displaced air, the two of them disappeared into the band.


    Thank Beladia. Time to go sell it to Linda.


    ¡°Alright Cait, I¡¯ve gotta do some dirty deals, say hi to Al for me.¡± Garth pulled in an enormous amount of space mana, wrapped it around himself, and connected the dots, making here, There.


    Teleport


    Garth appeared behind a small ridge outside of the city of Santo Descanso. Garth had done a little scouting around the city over the last week and found a decent place for a guy to pop in and out of existence without anyone asking any nosy questions.


    Garth joined the sparse stream of traffic headed into the city¡¯s East gate ¨C might as well not seem like he was coming from the west ¨C and found his way to the bakery, said hi to Cody and the others while he waited for Linda to clear him to enter.


    A short while later, Garth was sitting across from Linda, drinking a beer and regaling her with the story of retrieving the orb while the rest of her company crowded around them.


    ¡°You couldn¡¯t have just stolen it at night?¡± She asked, her jaw resting on her palm.


    ¡°Antimagic field would have been up. It would have made it very tricky to leave when the alarm went off. I found it very helpful, being able to use spells while I was in the church. The civilians don¡¯t remember a damn thing.


    ¡°Alright, Let¡¯s see it.¡± Linda said, motioning with two gnarled fingers. A sweaty, grey haired general-looking guy stood beside her, glaring at Garth. He wasn¡¯t entirely sure if the guy was actually mad or had Resting Glare Face. A lot of those fighting types seemed to come down with that.


    Garth popped the orb out of the Status band, whereupon it immediately began emitting a high-pitched wail and blinking bright red. All the while it continued spattering the audience with small flecks of mana that formed tiny self-replicating curses.


    Everyone except Garth and Linda, who reflexively drew mana out of the environment to shield themselves.


    ¡°Neat, it¡¯s got an alarm system!¡± Garth shouted over the noise.


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s the one, put it away!¡±  Linda shouted.


    Garth pulled out the giant freckled hand, grabbed the orb and shunted them both back into the Smuggler¡¯s band.


    ¡°One curse-orb, one Smuggler¡¯s Band to move it, and one giant hand to hold it in, free of charge. Your total comes to¡­one copy of an ancient notebook, please.¡±


    Garth took the smuggler¡¯s band and waved it in front of them.


    Linda leaned back in her chair and studied him with a calculating eye.


    ¡°What could I offer you for Caitlyn? I want someone who can touch the orb without it screaming bloody murder. I need to take it apart and study it, not simply smash the damn thing.¡±


    ¡°So you were watching who I brought into the church, huh?¡± Garth said. ¡°That makes sense. You and I are cool and all, but I¡¯m not letting her out of my sight. She knows too much about me and mine to let her wander around on her own.¡±


    ¡°And John doesn¡¯t?¡± She asked.


    So she either kidnapped John or simply had someone follow him. More likely just keeping an eye on him in case he¡¯s useful.


    ¡°Sorry to disappoint, but John¡¯s on the Distribution side of my business, which is strictly need to know. He and his friends probably figured out I¡¯m not Edward Bergstrom, but they¡¯re not gonna know much more than that.


    They know about Garth-Aid?, and that could be something I don¡¯t want Linda to know, Garth thought, feeling the icy stab of stress.


    ¡°Well, it was worth a shot.¡± Linda said, clapping her hands together with a grin. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t want to alienate you this late in the game.¡± She glanced over her shoulder and held out her hand. A second later Mr. Glaresalot dropped the notebook in her hand.


    ¡°I can always use lasers to disassemble the orb. Turns out invisible barriers aren¡¯t so good at blocking light. Who knew? Might lose a little bit of information, but I think It¡¯ll turn out fine.¡±


    She showed him the cover.


    Starfall: A Treatise on the Origin of Gods.


    -Castavelle DeChestaland


    Yep, that¡¯s the one. You know, assuming she didn¡¯t duplicate the cover and leave a book filled with gibberish or find a million other ways to stab me in the back.


    ¡°Just to be clear,¡± Garth said, sliding the band across the table. ¡°John is not currently captive? Because my HR department would crawl up my ass if he got kidnapped.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°Cool.¡± Garth said, placing his hand on the book and sliding it over to himself while Linda did the same with the band.


    ¡°Do you mind if I hang around for a moment and authenticate this?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°You read elvish?¡± Linda asked.


    ¡°Not as such, just know how to spot gibberish. Pure formality.¡±


    Garth opened the first page and scanned its contents. The words shimmered and changed in front of his eyes, drawing a stunned pause out of him. there were several paragraphs worth of text and a ten digit keypanel on the bottom of the first page.


    Welcome to Castavelle De¡¯Chestaland¡¯s Notebook!


    If you¡¯re Munasei and you¡¯ve woken up mortal again after a night of debauchery, press 1


    If you¡¯re Crix Magoo, I don¡¯t know where the Warp is seeping off to, your guess is as good as mine. Press 2 for more details.


    If you¡¯re one of my apprentices, press 3.


    If you¡¯re Kolath, I¡¯m sorry I can¡¯t be there in person, but please press 4 to suck a close approximation of my wrinkly cock.


    If you¡¯re Beladia and you¡¯ve been knocked up by an Eldritch horror from the Beyond again¡­First of all, why? Why do you sleep with anything that moves? Not everything can be swayed by a good lay, or is secretly a warm and fuzzy nice guy on the inside, just waiting for their paternal instincts to kick in! I¡¯ll admit that most things with a penis can swayed by you, but not them! Please Press 5 to select a planet to lay the Doom Egg on while I get an extermination team ready.


    If you¡¯re Dragus, peel off the thin layer of paper over the back inside cover to find the secret of ultimate power. (This is not a trap.)


    Garth felt a little curious about some of the other buttons, but he felt like the risk inherent in a few of them might be more than he was interested in tackling at this moment.


    Garth pressed three, and the notebook fluttered in his hand, the pages moving by themselves until they opened on a blank page that began to fill itself in.


    ¡°I thought this was a copy.¡± Garth said, glancing up at Linda.


    ¡°Should be.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth glanced down, eyeing the rapidly updating contents.


    Please select your name. Names are in chronological order.


    Garth started scrolling through, looking for his name in elvish, too interested in the notebook to bother looking up.


    There were thousands of names, and after a minute, he decided to flip to the back, some thirty pages in and work his way back. It took him a while to find his name buried among thousands of others.


    How is this chronological order? There¡¯s thousands of people after me.


    Jus Breen, whose sister tried to retake Enora and launched the war of the Shimmer.


    Garth Daniels, who sold more coke to the inner spheres than any man alive.


    Kal Didei, who had a decent stand-up act.


    How the hell is this book so small? Garth pondered as he put a finger down on his name, and the pages went blank again.


    Magic, duh.


    The book flipped back to the second page and began filling in.


    Garth, buddy, how you been? I¡¯m a construct made by Cass. You can call me Cass. I¡¯m currently unlocking the apprentice section for you, K through 8th grade. In the meantime, help me narrow down which exact path you¡¯ve taken since I last saw you.


    What followed was a quick quiz of what Garth had been doing the last couple months, followed by several judgmental comments.


    Really? The teenager? This really is the darkest timeline.


    Screw you.


    Calculating¡­


    Variables controlled, I look forward to working with you. And now a message from Castavelle.


    Hey, kid. If you¡¯re reading this, I¡¯m a bit caught up in something. There¡¯s no rush, but if you find the time, could you come to the home of the Dan-Ui Clan on Carevia 6 and break me out of soul-prison? Again, no rush, the only thing at stake is gibbering madness and the eventual dissolution of my very soul.


    You won¡¯t be able to pull it off until you¡¯re tier eight at least, so instructions on exactly how to find me will be locked until then, so you don¡¯t go on a half-cocked crazy adventure to rescue little old me.


    Not that I think you would.


    -Love, Castavelle


    P.S. Duck.


    No seriously, hunker down. Right now.


    Garth frowned and leaned down.


    Mr. Glaresalot went nuclear, exploding in a bloody blast that sent a fragment of his adamantine sword tearing through the air above Garth¡¯s head, decapitated one of the spectators.


    Macronomicon


    7/20 of the chapter streak!

 Chapter 175: Everybody loves the Parade

    Garth blinked his eyes, trying to get the afterimage of Mr. Glaresalot¡¯s rib cage out of his eyes. His ears weren¡¯t much better off either, only to make out muffled vowels around him. on the edge of his vision, he saw limbs flailing and lots of blood.


    I got what I wanted, so this might be a good time to get lost, Garth thought, numbly pocketing the book and pushing himself to his feet.


    As his vision cleared, he could make out Linda levering herself up, wounds all across her body seemingly bubbling away like they¡¯d been washed off with hydrogen peroxide.


    She turned and started shouting something to one of the people rushing in the door. After a few seconds, Garth¡¯s eardrums fixed themselves, and the sound of shouting flooded into his ears in high def.


    ¡°Aaaa, my leg!¡±


    ¡°..Capable of fighting to the entrances, this might have been the start of an attack!¡±


    ¡°So Linda,¡± Garth said, catching her attention. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go¡­I¡¯ll catch you sometime when you¡¯re not busy.¡± The entire underground plaza was the subject of a lock against teleportation, with the sole exception of the gate at the center of the room, so he had to leave physically.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± she said, drawing her sword and leveling it at him. ¡°I need time to determine whether or not you were responsible for this.¡±


    ¡°Me?¡± Garth asked. ¡°I got a pretty good look at Mr. Glaresalot¡¯s last seconds, and if it had been me, he would¡¯ve shown roots under the skin or something, maybe pollen out the ears or turning green. In any case there¡¯d be a lot more wood involved.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll have to submit to a scan to make sure you don¡¯t have any tracking spells on you.¡±


    ¡°I think we both know that you can¡¯t make me do that,¡± Garth said. ¡°Now, I¡¯m going to leave. Either you get out of my way, or we have at it, and you lose more people in the scuffle. You might be out of my league right now, but not by much.¡±


    Garth drew the mana in the room into a golf-ball sized brilliant star in his hand and watched her expectantly.


    After a minute studying him, she relaxed, put her sword away and spoke. ¡°You¡¯ll have to use the main entrance, the Bakery is compromised.¡±


    How the hell do you already know the bakery is compromised? Garth thought. It seemed a little too convenient.


    ¡°Are you just saying that to get me to fight my way out if we¡¯re under attack?¡± Garth asked with a grin. Getting him to pull double duty and fight through her enemies just to leave? That¡¯s efficiency.


    Linda¡¯s expression remained the same. She had an excellent poker face.


    ¡°Ah well, It¡¯s your house after all,¡± he said, tiptoeing around her without looking away. If it came down to it, Garth was sure he could get away faster than her people could. On the upside, leaving through the main entrance would allow him to find another way into her base. You can never know too much about your political friends.


    Garth kneeled down beside the man missing a good half his leg. ¡°Excuse me sir, could you direct me to the main entrance?¡±


    ¡°aaaah...it hurts so fuckin bad!¡±


    ¡°Guess not.¡± Garth stood and strode past Leanne¡¯s minions, wandering around and following the rush of soldiers until he found the main entrance.


    The main entrance was a pair of massive stone double doors above a staircase wide enough for ten men to stand shoulder to shoulder. it was a lot like the outside cellar door you sometimes see in movies from the nineties.


    The men who guarded it were crouched low, holding shields and spears towards the inanimate hunk of stone, causing Garth, who was standing up, to tower over them by default.


    A couple minutes went by.


    ¡°So is something gonna happen or¡­?¡±


    ¡°SHHH!¡± someone shushed him.


    Garth waited a couple more.


    Well, that was anticlimactic, Garth thought turning back and wading through the hundreds of rebels who¡¯d taken places behind him.


    There was a bit of muttering and accusatory glares, but Garth made it to the back of the line without anything exploding through the doors and proving him wrong. Matter of fact the entire dome, which used to be humming with activity, was eerily silent.


    I wonder what the acoustics are like in here.


    Garth clamped down on the urge to ask who farted really, really loud, and put his head down and looked for Linda.


    She was still in the command room. It was somewhat cleaned up, with most of the bleeders picked up, but there were still chunks of Mr. Glaresalot everywhere.


    ¡°So¡­doesn¡¯t look like you¡¯re getting attacked, but every time I tried to pull the lever to open the front door, somebody kept smacking my hand. I would¡¯ve been into it if it was a cute girl, but it was some grungy lookin¡¯ dude.¡±


    ¡°You can leave, Garth.¡± She said quietly, yanking a bloody adamantium fragment out of the wall with her thumb and forefinger.


    ¡°soo¡­care to tell me what happened?¡±


    ¡°Ken must¡¯ve picked up a cursed item. They change up their tactics every forty years or so, with enough time between them to catch the younger generation off guard.¡±


    She took the shard and showed it to Garth.


    ¡°This is one of them. It was designed to stay dormant until a certain number of my high command were in a room with me, which is why we never spotted it. once it identified me and three of my generals, it locked Ken in place and, well, you know the rest.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡±


    ¡°Jim had to have made this himself, you know?¡± she said, putting the adamantium away in a pocket. ¡°Nobody else on earth has this kind of power.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not 100% sure what Jim¡¯s relation is to the Dan Ui Clan, but I¡¯m pretty sure they¡¯re some form of sympatico. So why couldn¡¯t it have come from them?¡±


    ¡°The Dan Ui clan doesn¡¯t give a shit about Earth. They treat Jim like their slave. There¡¯s no way he¡¯d be able to garner that kind of support.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a secret Dan Ui research facility like, one hundred and fifty feet beyond the edge of your little dome. That direction.¡± Garth said, pointing. ¡°Something tells me they might be more interested in Earth than you think.¡±


    ¡°No, that¡¯s¡­¡± she frowned. ¡°Not possible.¡±


    Her eye twitched, and a drop of blood fell from her nose.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know when they did it, but somebody got me. Fucking mind control.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s happened to the best of us. Did I tell you the story about the one-armed man with ablutophobia?¡±


    ***later***


    Garth stepped out of the bakery, nibbling on a dry piece of flatbread, and was stunned by the sheer amount of noise that washed over him. A cheering throng had formed, choking the streets with shouting people.


    ¡°All right, all right, settle down, I¡¯ve got some time to do autographs.¡± Garth said before noticing that no one seemed to actually be looking at him. They were all facing the east gate, standing on their tippy toes or riding their boyfriends to see further.


    Fine, not like I wanted to be famous anyway.


    Garth didn¡¯t have much trouble seeing over a crowd anymore, seeing as how he towered over the average at six foot six nowadays, but he still couldn¡¯t make out what was happening around the corner.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Garth asked the nearest boy, who was rabidly cheering at the back of a taller man, in his own little bubble.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± he said jovially. ¡°But it sounds like there¡¯s a parade!¡±


    ¡°A parade?¡± Garth asked with a crooked brow. I hope it¡¯s nude Brazillian Carnival dancers on a giant float, but my luck isn¡¯t that good. Note to self, ask Mrs. Banyan to dance for Carnival.


    Garth started wading through people, using his superior height and long arms to elbow people out of the way, making a beeline for the east gate.


    Once he turned the corner, he sort of wished he hadn¡¯t made himself so tall


    Four men in glittering gold armor trotted down the street on massive stallions, waving and smiling as people cheered madly. They radiated the kind of power Garth came to expect from people in their third tier, and mana whorled around them madly, seemingly caught in the event horizon of their presence. They almost seemed to create a Lantern just by riding through.


    Behind them were two rows of fifty men walking on either side of four oversized armored wagons.


    And one fat guy on a horse.


    Garth glanced back at the lead rider, who was missing a piece of lip and half his nose. He wasn¡¯t smiling like the rest of them, he was scanning the crowd with a scowl, seemingly looking for his next target.


    The golden-armored man turned toward him, and Garth started smiling and waving like everyone else. It wouldn¡¯t do to be standing there, a head taller than everyone else, scowling at someone obviously capable of making his life difficult.


    ¡°I want to have your babies!¡± Garth shouted, his words lost to the roar of the crowd. The guy next to him must¡¯ve heard though, because he gave Garth an odd look.


    ¡°Who are these guys?¡± Garth leaned over and asked him through his smile.


    ¡°High inquisitors, obviously! Heroes of the war against the vile southern barbarians!¡±


    Guess I¡¯m definitely not going to get naked samba dancers. Ah well, a man can dream. That and it looks like the amount of time I can spend dicking around has reached its limit.


    The lead rider¡¯s gaze locked on Garth¡¯s for an instant, and he felt the foreign touch of another¡¯s mind on his own. Pala¡¯s assistance against reading didn¡¯t mean you couldn¡¯t put your own thoughts up front to be read.


    Gosh, these are the guys that slaughtered those vile barbarians! Garth thought loudly. What heroes! What stunning examples of ¨C the touch left his mind ¨C total ponces. I mean, who wears gold armor? Either it¡¯s made of gold and it weighs a literal ton while at the same time being soft, or polished brass, which isn¡¯t a hell of a lot better, especially compared to ¨C the man¡¯s eyes swept past Garth again ¨C in complete awe, I wish I¡¯d been born with the capacity to even lick their boots. Alas I¡¯m too old, and too lowborn to ever entertain the notion of ¨C the touch left ¨C kicking the ever-loving shit out of them before jamming those gold helmets up Jim¡¯s ass.


    I need to get back to base and tell them to prepare for a fight.


    If even one of these guys were touching people¡¯s minds, then the clock was ticking.


    Garth waved and smiled and thought admiring thoughts as he gradually inched his way toward the east gate they were leaving behind. The process was slow and painful and his head was so full of nonsense that he felt like washing his brain out with soap by the time the procession turned the corner.


    ¡°Thank Beladia,¡± Garth muttered as he jostled his way through the crowd, fighting against the tide of people trying to follow the procession. Garth made it to his little nook and ¡®ported out, landing in the center of the practice yard where citizens of New L.A. ¨C terribly uncreative name ¨C were toiling away to practice their magic and swordplay.


    ¡°Alarm! Alarm! All hands to battle stations! This is not a drill!¡± Garth shouted, grabbing two swords and banging them against each other, forcing people to pay attention to him. in a matter of minutes, Garth¡¯s city was a boiling anthill of frenzied purpose.


    *** Finn ***


    Finn was riding behind the four Inquisitors and their leader, High Inquisitor Nathanial, when something strange happened.


    In an eerie display each of them flinched simultaneously, they turned in their saddles as one, ignoring the roar of the crowd around them to look directly at Finn. No, they were looking behind him, back toward the east gate.


    ¡°Felt a ¡®port.¡± One of them grunted.


    ¡°Like rats from a sinking ship.¡± Nathanial said, glaring past Finn, before his eyes refocused on Finn¡¯s face.


    ¡°Finn.¡±


    ¡°Yessir!¡±


    ¡°Day one of our investigation, felt a Teleport cast east of the city, at least third tier. Chances are it¡¯s the Prima Regula. Write it down. You¡¯re our letter master after all.


    ¡°And watch your ass.¡± Another inquisitor said, glancing at him. ¡°Last time we came across someone that strong, we lost our secretary.¡±


    ¡°Last three times, actually.¡± Another one said without looking at him.


    The pen in Finn¡¯s hand shook as he took down the note.


    ¡°How do you deal with someone who can¡­¡± Finn hesitated to use the word, since it was only spoken of in myth and legend. ¡°Teleport?¡±


    ¡°Easy. You don¡¯t spend your time and energy chasing them all over hell and back. Just find their nest and squish it.¡± Nathaniel said. ¡°Oh, and I spotted a teen that was suspiciously tall and handsome. Write it down. I¡¯m gonna look into him.¡±


    ¡°Yes sir,¡± Finn said, glancing down at his notebook for composing reports to send back to Intelligence.


    Third-tier Teleport user. Affiliation?


    Suspiciously handsome teenager?


    Finn shook his head and closed his book.


    What is wrong with these people?


    Macronomicon


    8/20 chapters in the avalanche! Enjoy!

 Chapter 176: The Enemy has Landed.

    Paul sat in his captain¡¯s chair, glancing between the black book and paper in front of him, creating his Itinerary for the next week.


    There was total chaos on the streets, and Paul was being pushed to the limit making shit happen and people die. Today he had to attend a ball and recruit the lady Vasquez to their side, tomorrow he¡¯d be out cleaning up the last of the Iron Legion and Sixth Street Demons.


    Damn, I¡¯m exhausted, Paul thought, rubbing the bridge of his nose.


    ¡°Captain!¡± Simon shouted barging into his room.


    ¡°This better be important.¡± Paul said, glaring at Simon over his work.


    ¡°There¡¯s Inquisitors in the city! They¡¯re probably on their way to the south to kick the crap out of the woolies.¡±


    Icy dread settled in Paul¡¯s stomach. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s what they¡¯re here for. Simon, go fetch Carl and Ragnar. And take this back to the records room, would you?¡±


    Paul motioned to the wooden box filled with doctored reports from the last three months.


    ¡°Can do!¡± Simon shouted, grabbing it and trotting out.


    Wish I had his enthusiasm for everything, Paul thought, stretching in his chair and wincing when it tweaked his back. He got out of the chair with a groan, grumbling as he rubbed his back glancing out the slatted window.


    What he saw gave him pause. An enormous stallion with a golden-armored man stopped outside the precinct, along with twenty legionnaires setting up a perimeter around the tiny little office building.


    ¡°Well, shit.¡±


    Now jumping out the window wasn¡¯t an option.


    Less than a minute later Ragnar and Carl showed up. The Golden-armored man was still getting his troops lined up, and Don Lam was busily kissing his ass. Wouldn¡¯t last forever, though.


    Paul pulled a key out of his pocket and tossed it to Ragnar. ¡°Escort Ragnar to the jail. I don¡¯t want the inquisitor to see him in a place they weren¡¯t expecting him, then get yourself to the records room and make sure everything is sorted by date.


    Carl scowled. He found organizing the records room intolerable. Paul considered warning Carl about mind-magic, but what would be the point? Telling someone like Carl to not think about something was the same as underlining the thought three times.


    Might as well just put him into a position where all he could think about was how much he hated his job and his superior.


    ¡°Get it done. Now.¡± Paul said.


    ¡°I find your plan slightly insulting, but seeing as I don¡¯t have a better one,¡± Ragnar said, turning and leaving with Carl.


    Paul glanced out the window again and spotted the Inquisitor being guided up the steps like royalty. All that Don Lam was missing was an unfolding red carpet.


    Paul narrowed his eyes. If even half the things he¡¯d heard about inquisitors were true, this was going to be a rough couple weeks. If these guys really did read minds, He¡¯d have to start by applying a similar tactic that he¡¯d used to fool Grass.


    Boobs.


    Better destroy the-


    Bagels with cream cheese.


    Evidence.


    Paul opened up the bottom of his drawer and lifted up false bottom, revealing a tiny slime living in the musty container, not much bigger than his thumb. The bottom was coated with an acid-proof substance the little slime couldn¡¯t eat through.


    Paul grabbed the little black book and all his documentation and threw them to the slime. There were copies of everything in the Green Hell. Right now his priority was leaving nothing in his desk but a little innocuous contraband.


    It¡¯d be best to give them a red herring to chase after, rather than looking squeaky clean until they found his little document disposer.


    The evidence Paul kept implicated him in a squabble between families, as nothing more than a minor pawn.


    The tiny slime began to eat into it from the corner, very slowly engulfing the book of secrets and dissolving it.


    Seeing that the creature was doing its work, Paul put the false bottom back on his drawer and shoved it back in, steeling his mind for the inevitable confrontation.


    Lora¡¯s tight ass.


    Pizza.


    *** Don ***


    ¡°Right this way,¡± Donald Lam said, escorting the inquisitor.


    ¡°I¡¯ll need access to your records for the last six months.¡± The inquisitor said. He was a young man, maybe in his late twenties, with a severe look, as though nothing were good enough. His name was Richard, apparently.


    ¡°Of course.¡± Don bowed as he promised the kid anything he wanted. This is my chance! I can leverage this brat against Paul and pry that damnable book out of his hands! Don would also settle for Paul getting taken away and tortured to death by the inquisition, but the amount that the ex-detective knew about Don¡¯s side-income made that a losing proposition.


    One day, though, I¡¯ll put that man in the ground.


    They clomped along through the precinct, drawing the awed stares of everyone present. Everyone knew Inquisitors were the closest thing to living gods, capable of things that boggled the mind.


    The took the sharp left turn to records, where Paul¡¯s crony was bent over a box of records with his brow furrowed in disgust.


    Damn, what did Paul make him do in here? The most important question is, how does it effect me?


    ¡°What are you doing in here, Corporal?¡±


    Carl gave them a glum look. His eyes widened slightly as he spotted Richard in his gleaming outfit.


    ¡°Aah oii aan.¡± He grunted pointing at the box in front of him.


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to organize them for me.¡± Richard said, leaning forward into the claustrophobic records room with a scowl as he studied the dates on the boxes.


    ¡°I want these six months.¡± he said, pointing them out with his short sword. ¡°Take them to the legionnaires downstairs.¡±


    Carl paused, nodded at Don¡¯s look and picked up two months and began trundling forward, the fat man barely able to navigate through the tight room.


    ¡°And be quick about it,¡± Don snapped, never missing an opportunity to make life miserable for someone who¡¯d chosen the wrong side.


    ¡°I apologize for his incompetence.¡± Don said, bowing deeper, making sure Carl could hear him.


    ¡°The fuck are you on about?¡± Richard asked him with an unsettling frown.


    ¡°I-¡°


    ¡°I don¡¯t care. Next stop, your office.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Don kowtowed some more as he escorted the Inquisitor to his office.


    When they got there, Don went to sit at his desk, but the Inquisitor pushed him out of the way, stepping behind Donald¡¯s fine ironwood desk and rummaging through it. Don felt a spike of fear run through him.


    He didn¡¯t keep anything incriminating related to his side-businesses in his desk, but the mere fact that a Royal was searching through it made him paranoid that maybe he¡¯d left some crucial piece of evidence behind.


    Richard pulled out several of Don¡¯s candies out, putting them on top of the desk, followed by some reports he¡¯d forgotten to file, along with some paper clips he¡¯d bent into little men with bows, and his pair of pliers.


    I guess I don¡¯t have anything that¡¯s-


    Richard pulled out an employee folder with Paul¡¯s name on it, with nothing out of place save for the knife marks where he¡¯d stabbed the entire thing until the center was falling apart, raining bits of paper.


    I forgot about that.


    ¡°Care to explain?¡± Richard asked.


    ¡°I hate that guy.¡± Don replied. Which is true. If there was one thing Don had learned in his years of double dealing, it was the art of a confident lie.


    ¡°He and I have had¡­differences. A long chain of one-upsmanship that culminated with him getting my mentee terminated. However while we¡¯re at work, I, at least, try to keep things professional.¡±


    ¡°Real professional.¡± He said, waggling the folder and letting more bits fall out of it.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t do it to him, did I?¡± Don said.


    Richard raised a hand, and the air itself clamped around Don.


    ¡°Cut the shit.¡± Richard said. ¡°I may not be as good as my master, but you¡¯ve been radiating intense hatred the entire time I¡¯ve been here. The kind that leads to murder. I¡¯ve been sent to investigate anything out of the ordinary, and a superior wanting to literally murder an employee without having the balls to fire them is rare.¡±


    ¡°Now, tell me everything you know about this Paul character, and don¡¯t even think about lying.¡±


    ***Paul***


    It had been five hours since the Inquisitor had come, and one person after another was called into the Chief¡¯s office for ten minutes or so, then came back out looking like they¡¯d been threatened with death.


    Which was always possible. After they came out of Don¡¯s office, they were allowed to go straight home for the day, and instructed not to speak to anyone. The sun gradually went down, marking the time Paul should have been heading back home, but anyone who hadn¡¯t been interviewed yet was strongly encouraged to stay.


    The order they were called in was by rank, Paul noticed, starting with the other captain, and working their way down, but skipping him.


    Why would they be skipping him?


    Because they were asking questions about him.


    If that was the case, why not start from the bottom to avoid arousing Paul¡¯s suspicion? Or call him in in the same order as everyone else and ask him normal questions? Paul¡¯s eyes widened as he realized the entire thing was a ploy to put him on edge and get him to do something incriminating like make a break for it.


    Sadly each of the Legionnaires stationed outside the precinct were stronger and faster than he was, with a combat oriented class to boot. There was no way he could escape on foot, even if he thought of some clever ploy


    ¡°Freakin¡¯ idiots,¡± he muttered, sitting back down at his desk. What are you gonna do with a swordsman class when you start getting bone spurs? Your usefulness is gonna run out around thirty-five.


    Paul pulled his shaving and makeup kit out of his desk and got to work, giving himself a smooth shave and hiding the purple bags under his eyes.


    Even in a world where it was possible to read another man¡¯s mind, Appearance was nine-tenths of the law.


    Paul had only finished when Simon barged his head into Paul¡¯s office, breaking the eerie silence of the almost empty precinct.


    ¡°Paul, er, Sir!¡± Simon said.


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°the, um¡­the Inquisitor wants to see you now.¡±


    ¡°¡¯bout time,¡± Paul said, standing up and heading for the door.


    ¡°You on your way home?¡± he asked as he got into the hallway and saw Simon digging through his desk with shaking hands.


    ¡°Yes sir.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll see you tomorrow then,¡± Paul said, heading for Don¡¯s office.


    Paul stopped in front of Don¡¯s office and knocked.


    ¡°Come in.¡± he heard the Inquisitor¡¯s voice.


    Paul opened the door and found Don¡¯s corpse sprawled against the shelves on the left side of the man¡¯s office, bloody handprints where he¡¯d tried to lift himself to his feet. From what little Paul could see, Don had his throat slit.


    ¡°Huh,¡± Paul grunted as he took a seat in front of the inquisitor, who had a notebook filled with scrawling script. People¡¯s statements.


    ¡°He tried to lie to me.¡± the Inquisitor said. ¡°Badly. You won¡¯t do that to me, will you Paul?¡±


    ¡°Badly? No. I¡¯m very good at lying,¡± Paul said. The corpse in the corner of the room was there to alarm him and throw him off his game, which meant this whole ordeal was going according to a carefully trained plan. Paul knew this game.


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Back in time, I shook hands with Garth Daniels himself before engaging in a wild orgy with the local flora and fauna,¡± Paul said deadpan. Which was fun.


    The inquisitor blinked.


    ¡°Maybe you are good at lying. It would explain the difference in opinion regarding you.¡± He said, tapping the notebook with his pen.


    ¡°Your former contemporaries have nothing but good things to say about you. I believe the words ¡®straight arrow¡¯ and ¡®brilliant detective¡¯ were used more than once. But your superiors¡­ he flipped back to the front of the notebook where his senior captains and Don¡¯s testimony lay. ¡°The emotion I got from them was anger masking a fair amount of fear.¡±


    He narrowed his eyes and studied Paul for a good minute.


    ¡°What motivates a man who¡¯d been content to be a detective for ten years to suddenly want to blackmail his way to the top?¡±


    ¡°Just wanted a better life for my wife and kids.¡± Paul said.


    ¡°I¡¯m unconcerned with your criminal enterprises, Paul. Surprising, isn¡¯t it? An inquisitor overlooking a crime. I¡¯m going after bigger fish than you, and I¡¯d be perfectly happy if you were to lend your¡­unique insight into flushing them out.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s that?¡± Paul asked, concentrating on Lora.


    ¡°In your business of blackmailing Don there and rising to the top of what passes for police in this shithole, did you come into contact with anyone from out of town trying to move in on a family¡¯s territory or establish a large supply line out of nowhere?¡±


    ¡°Who are you looking for?¡± Paul asked, frowning. Those were awfully specific questions.


    ¡°My master taught me not to reveal the subject of my investigation. It tends to¡­skew the answers I receive.¡±


    ¡°Now that you mention it,¡± Paul said. ¡°I have seen an upstart out-of-towner, looking to make a name for himself. I laughed him off at first, but he¡¯s got a lot more staying power than logic would suggest.¡±


    ¡°Really,¡± The inquisitor asked, leaning forward. ¡°Where is he? Does he associate with anyone?¡±


    ¡°He drifts in and out of the city semi-regularly, gives big orders to the local crime scene, then fades away for a few days to a few weeks at a time. I can help your people set up a net to catch him when he drifts in again. As for associates, I¡¯ve seen him spending time with a Denton Girl on a regular basis.¡±


    Paul casually slipped that half-truth in there, struggling not to feel a sense of antagonism toward the Dentons.


    Lora¡¯s tits. There, calm.


    ¡°No, that won¡¯t be necessary,¡± The inquisitor said, leaning back in his chair as he made notes. ¡°I¡¯d like to ask you a couple dozen more questions, but first I¡¯d like to ask a philosophical question. What separates men from boys?¡±


    ¡°Something worth living for.¡± Paul answered without hesitation.


    ¡°Good answer.¡± The inquisitor said, chuckling as he scribbled in his notebook. ¡°Now this person, what does he look like¡­.¡±


    Macronomicon


    I''d forgotten how much I like Paul''s POV.


    The Storm of chapters continues! 9/20. The other 11, along with 7 more are up for 1$ subbers, for those who suck at waiting.


    "I feel like a cheap whore." - Macronomicon, 2019

 Chapter 177: So you want to Start Touching Yourself

    ***Tad Williams***


    Tad groaned and pushed himself out of bed, mindful not to put his weight on the nice girls who¡¯d followed him home from the pits. He stumbled onto the wooden floor of his bedroom and yawned, stretching as he tugged on his discarded clothes.


    Cross that off the bucket list, I guess. Tad had spent less time hunting recently and had instead begun to focus on learning silk processing from the lest combat-prone members of the family. He was already sure he could make a better product once he applied chemicals in addition to heat and stretching.


    Beautiful day outside, a bit late in the afternoon, but- Tad¡¯s inner monologue froze when he saw the gilded horse outside his family¡¯s mansion.


    Crap, crap, crap! Tad thought, hastily shrugging out of his stained clothes and waking up Tara and Ela.


    ¡°C¡¯mon, wake up you two, It¡¯s important!¡± he said, jostling them.


    ¡°Mmmwhat?¡± Ela groaned as she opened her eyes and rolled over, exposing her creamy thighs and soft breasts from beneath the covers. The sight got Tad¡¯s heart beating like crazy.


    ¡°There¡¯s an inquisitor outside!¡± Tad said, causing Tara to sit up in alarm, blinking the gum out of her eyes. ¡°We¡¯ve only got enough time for one more round!¡±


    ****Gloria Pendleton, The Brainwashed Headmaster.****


    Face it, he¡¯s never coming back.


    Gloria stared at her desk, where she¡¯d drawn Edward¡¯s face. She hadn¡¯t seen or heard anything from the boy in over a month, after he suddenly, inexplicably withdrew himself from the academy.


    I wish I knew where he went, then I could have followed him. Gloria thought, her heart sinking in her chest even as the thought of the boy lit a fire between her legs.


    Sometimes in her fantasies, she crawled into his room while she was asleep, and when he opened his eyes, he would use her until she had nothing left to give. It felt so good to be used by him¡­ Then the two of them would run away and live like animals in heat in the forest.


    It¡¯s a viable plan, She thought. As nobles, our bodies are tough enough to survive apart from civilization. I just need to be more important to him than everything else. I need to make him happier than anything else.


    What if he gets bored of me after a while? Perhaps I should bring backup¡­Spread his attention out¡­some of the other teachers¡­enough so that he never has to leave¡­he could tell us what to do. I love it when he tells me what to do. It always feels so good! Just the sound of his voice makes me drool¡­


    Gloria bit her thumb while her left hand wandered down between her legs.


    ¡°Headmaster!¡± her number two said as she barged into Gloria¡¯s office.


    Gloria yelped, jumping in her seat.


    ¡°What!¡± she gave a strangled squawk then adjusted her tone back to Headmaster. ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s an inquisitor here to ask about Edward?¡±


    ¡°Is he hurt? did he get kidnapped? Is that why we haven¡¯t heard from him? Does he still like me? is he okay? Where is he?¡± Gloria blurted the questions out before her brain could process them.


    Her second frowned and glanced to the side. ¡°I think¡­he wants to ask you questions?¡± she said.


    ¡°Right. Send him in.¡±


    A short time later, the Inquisitor entered. He held his helmet at his side, revealing an affable face in its late forties. The man sported a large beard streaked with grey and had a jolly gleam in his eye as he greeted Gloria.


    ¡°Good afternoon, Ms. Pendleton. I¡¯m Stephen,¡± He said, grinning as he shook her hand. He sat down in the leather-upholstered chair across from hers, setting his helmet down beside her paperwork.


    ¡°So sorry I didn¡¯t meet you in person, Inquisitor, I hope you¡¯re not offended.¡±


    ¡°Pfft. I rather dislike having my hand held.¡± He waved dismissively with a smile.


    ¡°How can I help you?¡± Gloria asked. I hope Edward isn¡¯t in any kind of trouble. If they ask about him, what should I say? Gloria felt panic begin to grow inside her like a sprouting tree. She had to make sure Edward was all right.


    ¡°I¡¯d like to ask you about the attack on your students a couple months ago, where several hundred farmers got it in their heads to attack the nobility out of nowhere.¡±


    Gloria breathed an internal sigh of relief.


    Stephen¡¯s eyebrow twitched.


    ¡°That was orchestrated by a rather deranged individual named Luke Evans, a former student here. He¡¯s since been executed by his family.¡±


    ¡°Are any of the peasants involved in the attack still alive?¡±


    ¡°No, sir.¡±


    ¡°Shame.¡± Stephen studied her with the slightest smirk, bringing his thumb up to his chin and scratching under his beard.


    ¡°I couldn¡¯t help but notice you seemed relieved when I brought up the attack. Was there something else troubling you?¡±


    Gloria hesitated, unsure whether or not it was a good idea to talk about Edward. She could tell him everything about Edward, and hope the man passed over the information as worthless, or she could lie for her love, and possibly incite the man¡¯s curiosity into what was so important she had decided to conceal it from him.


    It was a horrible choice to make, but something inside her whispered that the information she had about Edward wasn¡¯t the sort that an Inquisitor would overlook.


    She really only had one choice.


    ¡°I was concerned that one of my students or faculty might be involved with something I was unaware of. I was relieved that the matter was one that had been already resolved.¡± Gloria lied smoothly.


    Fifteen years climbing the ladder at the Academy weren¡¯t for nothing.


    ¡°I see,¡± Stephen pursed his lips and furrowed his brows, playing with the sheets of paper on her desk before meeting her eyes again.


    ¡°Are you aware of the punishment for lying to an Inquisitor?¡± he asked. All trace of levity faded from his dead eyes.


    Gloria swallowed her heart that was trying to work its way up her throat.


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    ¡°Then you won¡¯t mind reporting yourself to our temporary headquarters for a more thorough debriefing.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d be happy to,¡± Gloria said, controlling the tremor spreading through her hands as he watched her, his fingers tapping idly on the desk.


    ¡°¡­Right. Now, I¡¯ve already asked Justine to grab the files from the last six months, the only burning question I have left is¡­where did the idea for your little field trips come from? Why was the entire senior class traipsing around the woods for no discernable reason?¡±


    The man¡¯s questions continued for some time, asking about the field trips, and the recent crime wave. He asked about her students and faculty, asking if any of them had behaved oddly recently. Gloria gave him as much truth as she could while deflecting away from Edward anywhere she could manage.


    Finally, when her nerves were almost completely frayed, it came to an end.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯ll be enough for now. If you wouldn¡¯t mind reporting to the police precinct for a more thorough debrief¡­say on your weekend? It¡¯s not urgent enough to inconvenience your work.¡±


    Two days away.


    ¡°I¡¯m grateful,¡± Gloria said, hoping the man didn¡¯t feel the sweat on her palm as she shook his hand.


    ¡°ma¡¯am.¡± He said, nodding his head and picking up his helmet before marching out.


    ***Stephen***


    That woman¡¯s hiding something, Stephen thought as he walked down the marble steps of the academy. He¡¯d narrowed it down to one of the students. That was where she got defensive. And what he felt when he approached the subject? An unnatural amount of panic and intense longing.


    It felt like she might have quite a few constructs rattling around in her head. I¡¯ll request the captain take a look at her when she arrives in the precinct this weekend.


    If she doesn¡¯t try to make a break for it before then.


    Stephen had leaned on her until the discomfort and fear radiating off the woman was palpable, then he gave her a narrow window to escape.


    If she was going to run, it might lead him straight to this lover of hers that seemed to take up most of the woman¡¯s thoughts.


    Stephen stopped outside the academy and motioned one of the legionnaires in his Vigintum to approach.


    ¡°Sir?¡±


    ¡°Change into plainclothes. I want you secretly follow the headmaster of the academy over the next two days. If she tries to run, activate your tracker and follow her as far as you can.¡±


    ¡°Understood.¡± The legionnaire saluted and ran off to get changed.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Technically there is precedent, but finding a court of appeals high enough that isn¡¯t afraid of the Dan Ui clan is rather difficult.¡± Chi¡¯tet said.


    ¡°Mhmm,¡± Garth said, flipping to the next page in the notebook.


    Chapter 4: Getting past the hump.


    Now that you¡¯ve made contact with your soul, it¡¯s time to give it a good workout.


    Most people think of it as soul-delving, or heartstone shaping, Etc. I propose that it¡¯s not like that at all. Most people don¡¯t really assign a form to their soul, and if they do, typically it¡¯s the same as their body.


    This is totally wrong. I¡¯ve worn so many bodies by now that I know for a fact the two aren¡¯t related.


    Some people think they have to dive deep to the center of their soul to find the truth of their being to unlock their potential and advance to the fourth tier. Others think they have to focus on the engraving of their heartstone.


    I like to think of it more like¡­soul yoga.


    Bear with me.


    The shape of your soul reflects the shape of your heartstone. After a certain age, the heartstone becomes spherical. Not because your soul is, but because your soul has wobbled and jostled around so much that the heartstone becomes round. Maybe a little lumpy.


    The art of training your soul to control itself and thereby shape your heartstone into a deliberately engineered piece of architecture is easy to learn, and difficult to master.


    First, you-


    ¡°Are you listening?¡± she asked, prying Garth¡¯s attention away from the priceless knowledge. It had been so intriguing he¡¯d blown all the way through the chapter describing how to break through tier three.


    ¡°Huh? No.¡± he said, briefly glancing up before his eyes began drifting back towards the notebook.


    ¡°You might be able to use your memories as evidence if they¡¯ve already been admitted as evidence in another case, but the Dan Ui can easily move to dismiss your claim, since you haven¡¯t actually been on Earth this whole time. It creates a glaring flaw in your plan.


    ¡°It¡¯s not a flaw, it¡¯s a red herring,¡± Garth said, flipping back a couple pages to the beginning of chapter 3.


    ¡°What sound does that symbol make?¡± Caitlyn asked, pointing at a squiggly line with the back of her pen.


    ¡°N¡¯ua,¡± Garth said idly as the redheaded girl took notes. He wasn¡¯t going to teach her ancient elvish, but if she wanted to decode what he was reading¡­Initiative like that took people far.


    ¡°Well, what is your plan? If you told me, I could tell you whether or not it has any chance of working. The law is a lot more complicated than you might think.¡± Chi¡¯tet said.


    ¡°I realize that, but I¡¯d rather play this one close to the vest. There¡¯s plenty of people out there who can dick with people¡¯s minds, so I can barely trust a secret to stay safe in my own head, thanks to Pala¡¯s Blessing.¡±


    ¡°I refuse to believe You¡¯re an Apostle of Pala.¡±


    ¡°Would an apostle of Pala seem like one?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Food for thought.¡±


    Garth started rereading chapter three.


    Chapter 3: So you want to start touching yourself.


    Tier three has been described by many as the first major bottleneck that filters the wheat from the chaff, the idioms from the idiots. All that is necessary to reach tier two is doing something really stupid while a god is watching.


    They have low standards.


    To reach tier three, you must touch your soul.


    ¡®How the fuck do I do that?¡¯ you ask. ¡®I¡¯m already touching it. It¡¯s literally inside me right now.¡¯


    Well, the plain and simple answer boils down to two options.


    Within these pages lie the hallowed techniques and exercises that will allow you to reach the enlightenment you seek¡­


    ¡­


    But if that¡¯s not fast enough for you, I¡¯ve written the sphere¡¯s Address of the planet that has Hildaven in the footnotes. It¡¯s the plant that you need to ingest to go on your very own ayahuasca trip of self-discovery, booiii!


    P.S. if you have a temper, it¡¯d probably be for the best if you don¡¯t go on your trip near anyone¡­mortal. Ditto if you¡¯re a lech, although the context there is a bit more¡­fluid.


    Otherwise, it¡¯s great for parties and fun for all ages!


    And don¡¯t try your Design Plant nonsense to try to dodge the issue. These drugs have a deep-seated cultural significance. I.E. they¡¯re actually being powered up by the collective psychic energy of the planet¡¯s natives, not the drugs themselves.


    You could try actual ayahuasca, but I wouldn¡¯t bank on it. it¡¯s kind of like trying to view your soul through a kaliedascope. Fun, although all the spirits trying to talk to/nibble on you while you¡¯re high is kind of a bummer.


    Why is it always drugs? Garth thought, checking the footnote. That¡¯s a hell of a long way away. Can¡¯t leave until the Inquisitor Problem is taken care of, so for now I¡¯ll stick to meditation.


    Macronomicon


    10/20 of the Bust. Halfway there. Bummer. On a side note, I''m starting to feel old. Like, that Stephen Fry anecdote where his or some other guy''s Grandmother says, ''dear lord it can''t be breakfast again already.''


    I''ll spare you a Patreon Plug today. Shit, I just did it.

 Chapter 178: Died with his Pants On

    ***Emilio, Inquisitor***


    ¡°Let¡¯s see, Tad Williams. Alias¡­¡®Bigdick Tad?¡¯¡± Inquisitor Emilio arched a brow, glancing up at the teen in front of him who was seemingly unphased by being interrogated by an inquisitor. Rather than a typical reaction where their fear and anxiety was low and spiked in response to probing questions, the boy radiated a constant fear that felt barely restrained, ebbing and flowed with no discernable rhyme or reason.


    And yet, he looked fine on the outside.


    ¡°Wasn¡¯t my idea,¡± Tad said, leaning against the chair.


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°And what?¡± Tad asked.


    ¡°Do you have a bick dick?¡±


    Tad shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I guess I don¡¯t spend enough time staring at other guy¡¯s junk to get an average. I¡¯m just a normal guy who puts his pants on one leg at a time.¡±


    The inquisitor blinked, but decided not to follow up on that one.


    ¡°During both school outings, there was a rather high casualty rate, especially in your family¡¯s playground¡­Wiretaps, was it?¡±


    ¡°Yep, those things¡¯ll eatcha.¡± Tad said, and Emilio felt a huge spike of terror associated with the statement. None of it showed on the boy¡¯s face.


    Ah, maybe that¡¯s it. Makes sense in hindsight.


    ¡°And were you aware that they were more active that day than usual?¡±


    ¡°Ask any Williams and they¡¯ll tell you that. Something stank.¡±


    ¡°Did you see any suspicious activity from any of your peers? Any outsiders who weren¡¯t supposed to be there?¡±


    ¡°I spent the first half of that trip face deep in spiders, and the second half on a stretcher. On the trip out¡­I didn¡¯t see anything out of the ordinary.¡±


    ¡°Do you know anything about a thrask who might have been operating in the area?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t even know what that is.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s start small then, tell me about the students that went on the trip with you.¡±


    Tad launched into a tale bemoaning his fate stuck with three of the most ill-equipped students on the trip.


    Emilio stopped him when he mentioned the Denton mooning over Edward Bergstrom.


    Describe this Edward Bergstrom to me,¡± He said, scribbling in his notepad.


    ¡°Five foot eight, dirty blonde, protruding brow, thin jaw.¡±


    ¡°Most helpful.¡± Excellent, a name to go with the face, Emilio thought, suppressing a grin.


    ¡°Going after Ed? I¡¯d watch my back if I were you guys, though,¡± Tad said. ¡°Pretty sure that guys a nine-hundred year-old Royal.¡±


    Emilio paused, setting down his pen as tingles worked their way up his spine.


    Could it be her? it wouldn¡¯t be the first time she¡¯s changed her form. Although a young man¡­well, we wouldn¡¯t have guessed it, so it makes sense in that regard.


    ¡°Elaborate.¡± He said, his tone icy cold.


    ¡°Well, Ed¡¯s a nice guy, don¡¯t get me wrong, and I owe him a solid, but not a get-your-balls-chopped-off solid.¡±


    Emilio listened to the boy¡¯s tale with increasing alarm, until he shot out of his seat, almost involuntarily.


    ¡°Stay right there,¡± he said, pointing at Tad as he turned to the door.


    It couldn¡¯t be her, but she¡¯s the only unaccounted for immortal we know of just wandering around.


    Emilio powerwalked down the halls of the precinct, aiming for High Inquisitor Nathanial¡¯s office. He had to speak to him right now.


    It couldn¡¯t be her, it couldn¡¯t be any of the others, so we have an Ancient running around that we don¡¯t even know about!? Nathanial needs to hear this right now!


    A hand on a long arm shot out of the bathroom to his right and clapped over Emilio¡¯s mouth before yanking him forcibly into the tiled room, pinning his arms behind his back with Royal force.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think Tad would spill quite so many beans,¡± A voice rumbled in Emilio¡¯s ear. ¡°To be fair, he doesn¡¯t owe me his life.¡±


    Emilio tried to summon mana to his hand and blast the upstart, but nothing happened. At the same time, a shining ball of light caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.


    A lantern!


    Heart hammering, Emilio tried to break out of the hold, to no avail. Even when he lifted his legs to bang against the tile, mana condensed into shackles around his leg that held them in place.


    He tried to scream. He tried to bite.


    Nothing happened.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never been very good at mind reading, so bear with me here.¡±


    A sharp pain at the back of Emilio¡¯s head made him kick reflexively.


    ¡°Lucky for you there aren¡¯t any pain nerves in the brain¡­¡± were the last words he heard before everything went fuzzy, then white, then nothing.


    ***Garth***


    Garth whistled the town theme to his favorite version of Oregon Trail as he plucked the brain-cauliflower from the back of the Inquisitor¡¯s skull, leaving only a tiny mark at the back of the man¡¯s head.


    Like my teacher once said, magic kinda blends together at the higher levels.


    Still whistling, Garth stored the cauliflower in his Band, dragged the corpse over to the urinal, pulled down it¡¯s pants and slumped it up against the urinal. He wanted to make it look like the kid was attacked in the middle of taking a casual piss, not going to tattle on him. Might buy Paul a couple extra minutes of confusion.


    Garth was considering giving him a grievous wound to serve as a red herring, distracting from the little pucker at the back of his skull, but decided against it. Dude was already dead, and if these guys were any good at what they did, they probably wouldn¡¯t miss the wound.


    Garth was positioning the body just so, when he heard the pounding of feet down the hall.


    They probably felt the lantern, Garth thought, teleporting out.


    ***Finn***


    Finn frowned as he flipped through the documents. There was something off about these numbers. They felt too arbitrary, and some obituaries were missing. Every ounce of Finn¡¯s training led him to believe that these documents had been altered.


    I wish he hadn¡¯t killed the chief of police, Finn thought. Then I would at least be able to narrow down who did it and why, but the man¡¯ s so sure that Paul¡¯s the key to unravelling this weirdness.


    And the ridiculous crusade to locate a tall, handsome young man. Finn had no idea what made these people tick.


    Finn was organizing the documents, comparing them year to year to try and get a read on what might have been changed, when the door to Richard¡¯s interrogation room slammed open, and he charged down the hall at full speed, speeding through the main hall room so quickly he caused some of Finn¡¯s papers to flip into the air.


    A fraction of a second later the High inquisitor¡¯s door blew off its hinges, revealing the bloodstained carpet as the man blurred through the office building, scattering hours of Finn¡¯s work.


    Finn cursed, trying to snatch his paper out of the air, when he noticed an odd name on the registry of titled landholders.


    Carnifax W. Pondhawk


    Who would name their child after the legendary dragonfly that roams the extreme west of the empire? Finn paused a moment and glanced up. Wait, we are in the extreme west.


    Huh.


    ****


    Richard got to the bathroom first, skidding to a halt and grimacing at their compatriot¡¯s pale corpse before Nathanial bulled past him, stretching his hand outward to catch some fleeting thing.


    ¡°The portal¡¯s still fresh,¡± the High Inquisitor said, snagging Richard¡¯s armor and pulling him forward as a desert landscape spread in front of them.


    They landed on their feet a quarter mile outside of the city in a little dip in the landscape hidden from the walls.


    A tall young man was taking off bloodstained clothes as they touched down in the dirt. He froze.


    ¡°Damnit.¡±


    ***Garth***


    ¡°for the Queen!¡± Garth shouted, shaking his fist in his best approximation of youthful zealotry.


    Couldn¡¯t hurt to pin the blame on the Prima Regula. Linda would forgive him. Probably.


    The two Inquisitors spared him no words.  The young one named Richard drew his blade while the old one who was missing half his nose clenched his fist tight, forming a Lantern around himself.


    I recognize that style, Garth thought as he shot backward, barely avoiding the edge of the man¡¯s controlled area. These two obviously belonged to the Dan Ui.


    Now Garth was sure that the Dan Ui clan was running the empire. They were most likely running every other major country on the planet under some other name, but all the taxed valuables flowed to the same clan.


    Garth lifted his hand and brought up a Lantern, just a tiny bit smaller than the other man¡¯s. They took that in for a fraction of a second before lunging forward.


    Well, I did want to see how tough they were, Garth thought as they approached. This was a convenient opportunity to establish a base line to compare to later. Jim was likely to be much harder to fend off.


    Garth flew up into the air, avoiding the blade by pulling his feet up as he sailed upward. Most people found it difficult to cast and fly at the same time.


    A steel chain wove itself into being from mana and flew from the High Inquisitor¡¯s palm, penetrating Garth¡¯s Lantern and wrapping around his legs, its physical form ignoring the mana-rending properties.


    Damnit. Garth complained bitterly as he tried to disentangle his legs using neutral Telekinesis. He didn¡¯t want to give away his affiliation with plants and nature just yet, seeing as there weren¡¯t many people on earth like Garth.


    It was a lot like fighting with both hands tied behind his back.


    Before he could get the thing off, a wrenching pull dragged him out of the sky and slammed him into the ground, burying him several inches into the hard desert floor, forcing the air out of his lungs in an undignified groan.


    When Garth opened his eyes again, an Inquisitor was already above him, bringing down his sword. Garth whipped to the side, avoiding being skewered by inches. Unfortunately, that brought him within range of the High Inquisitor. lightning crawled across the ground between them as the High inquisitor caught Garth with a solid kick to the chest, sending him careening through the sky toward Richard.


    I feel like a soccer ball getting set up for a header. Garth thought as he twisted in midair to orient himself.


    The kick hadn¡¯t hurt. Thank Beladia, Garth¡¯s enhanced body seemed to be easily capable of keeping pace with these Inquisitors.


    Garth caught the approaching adamantium blade with his fingers, causing a harsh squeal to emanate from the metal as he dragged the blade out of the way and headbutted the surprised inquisitor.


    Seeing that their play wasn¡¯t turning out well, the High Inquisitor dragged Garth away from his partner while simultaneously creating iron restraints out of nothing.


    They weren¡¯t iron, obviously, because iron was like tissue paper, but they looked like it. Maybe they represented the concept of iron.


    Garth didn¡¯t have any longer to contemplate it as he slid backwards through the dirt, iron shackles flying toward him.


    Garth lined the edge of his hand with raw mana and drew it across the approaching shackles and down onto the chains around his feet. He felt a slight tingle as the flesh of his feet was roasted along with the chains, setting him free.


    A blunt impact across his back sent him sailing forward toward the High Inquisitor, arms flailing. Nathanial¡¯s blade sprang into his hand and he sweapt it down toward Garth¡¯s neck.


    Garth blocked a strike with his forearm, and tried to assume control of the High inquisitor¡¯s Lantern, causing the wild lightning storm around the two of them to redouble.


    Sensing this, Nathanial peeled away from Garth weaving more iron restraints. When Garth tried to follow, He was delayed for a fraction of a second as Richard seized his arm.


    Mother-


    Garth snarled, turned and grabbed the bloody-nosed man¡¯s arm and twisted. The unlucky Inquisitor¡¯s hand was levered so violently that his fingers audibly cut through the air, followed by the pop of bone breaking.


    In the moment of distraction, an intricate web of chains wrapped around Garth, cinching tight and preventing him from moving.


    A moment later Garth had a sword in his primary heart and spleen, and his Lantern was slowly being overtaken.


    ¡°Die, you bastard!¡± Richard snarled in his face, while Nathaniel watched him with narrowed eyes. Not a big fan of being the meat in a dude sandwich.


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said, glancing over his shoulder at the High Inquisitor. ¡°Guess they weren¡¯t fucking around. I¡¯ll see you guys later.¡±


    Garth pulled his rip-cord, biting the node in his mouth in half.


    A small plant buried out in the middle of nowhere pinged his automatic teleport, drawing him to it, then it withered and turned to ash.


    Garth saw bright sky before the process repeated itself, sending him careening partway across the world in the blink of an eye. The sky was dark.


    Again and again, Garth was teleported to little seeds he¡¯d distributed around western America, bouncing like a ping-pong ball before he landed outside Alaska, set his scryable clothes and status band on fire before he teleported manually back to his lair.


    Alicia stared as he walked past her completely nude, fist clenched around a pink, brainy looking cauliflower plant.


    ¡°Busy day?¡± she asked, craning her neck to keep him in sight as Garth was about to go into his Phylac-tree room.


    ¡°Something like that.¡± He called over his shoulder.


    So the inquisitors were a little better than him when he was pulling his punches. They worked well together too. That didn¡¯t bode well for the difficulty uptick that would surely be present when Jim came a-knocking.


    As it stood, he wanted the Inquisitors stirring up trouble for a little while, so he didn¡¯t murder all of them outright. There was a certain art to building alarm. Just snuffing them all out would be alarming, sure, but not nearly as much as Garth needed.


    He needed mega-tornado alarms and air raid sirens that stretched all the way back to the Inner Spheres.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, summoning a pot of soil with a speaker on the bottom. He placed the Inquisitor¡¯s shiny pink cauliflower in the pot, gave it a little water mixed with Garth-Aid?, and use Plant Growth to encourage it to sink its roots deep.


    ¡°Hello, hello, can you hear me?¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± the speaker on the bottom of the pot said. ¡°I¡­I can¡¯t see, I can¡¯t move. What¡¯s happening? I can¡¯t feel anything! Am I losing my mind?¡±


    ¡°Nah, nah, I just wanted to pick your brain for a while,¡± Garth said, leaning back in his rocking chair. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Emilio. I¡­I don¡¯t want to be here.¡±


    ¡°I get that a lot.¡± Garth said, resting his chin on his fist. ¡°So Emilio, Let me give you the skinny. You¡¯re a plant grown from the brain of Emilio the Inquisitor. You¡¯re Emilio the Plant, and with good behavior, I¡®ll  give you a way to see and move around.¡±


    Strange retching noises came through the speaker.


    ¡°Emilio, calm down.¡± Garth said.


    Emilio devolved into panicked gibbering.


    Hmm¡­. This is gonna take some work.


    I have no Mouth & I Must Scream, huh? Well, mad science doesn¡¯t do itself.


    Garth put his captive creation under and started tinkering with him.


    ***Richard***


    ¡°He¡¯s gone! Are you going to follow him?¡±


    Nathanial shook his head.


    ¡°Could be a trap, or a wild goose chase meant to keep us busy. We¡¯re going back to regroup and get your arms straightened out.¡±


    ¡°This is nothing.¡±


    ¡°Even so.¡±


    When they got back, Finn was standing next to a pile of vomit, shakily staring at the mutilated corpse that appeared to have been literally caught with his pants down, taking a piss.


    Richard watched the High Inquisitor study the body for a moment before patting down the crotch of the man¡¯s pants


    ¡°He wasn¡¯t taking a piss. He died with his pants on.¡± He glanced over his shoulder.


    ¡°What was Emilio working on?¡±


    ¡°The Williams boy.¡± Richard responded. When he made it to the interrogation room, the only thing that remained was Emilio¡¯s notebook, with the name Edward Bergstrom written at the very end.


    Macronomicon


    11/20. It'' all downhill from here! Take that however you want, I guess.


    Thanks for reading, and Enjoy!

 Chapter 179: The Double fake out

    ¡°No mind control,¡± Nathanial said, commiserating with his subordinates outside. ¡°I can¡¯t feel anything out of the ordinary at all.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re shitting me.¡± Richard said before he bit his tongue.


    ¡°I am not shitting you.¡± Nathanial said, eyeing Richard thoughtfully. ¡°In light of Emilio¡¯s death, I¡¯m going to give that slip a pass.¡±


    He turned back to Stephen and Mark.


    ¡°Just because I don¡¯t feel something wrong, magically speaking, doesn¡¯t mean I have holes for eyes. The woman¡¯s been tampered with somehow, and it obviously has something to do with this Edward Bergstrom fellow she¡¯s covering for.¡±


    ¡°Brainwashing?¡± Finn asked, flinching when the eyes of the four demigod-like men turned toward him.


    ¡°It could be brainwashing?¡± he repeated, nearly whimpering despite his best efforts. ¡°The Intelligence Agency tried something similar, since we don¡¯t have access to magic. It¡¯s more effective with drugs, but still not nearly as effective as magic, and more expensive.¡±


    Nathanial raised a brow.


    ¡°Go on.¡± He said.


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s a sort of training. You train them to think however you want. Reward, punishment, the whole deal. If she was brainwashed, well, normally it would have worn off pretty quickly in the absence of reinforcement, so that¡¯s why this is ¨C¡°


    Nathanial stood up so fast his chair clattered to the ground, making Finn flinch. The half-nosed man strode to the holding room with Gloria and slammed the door open, revealing the blonde woman sitting in the interrogation room.


    Without warning, he put his palm to Gloria¡¯s head, evoking a yelp from the headmaster.


    ¡°Edward Bergstrom.¡± He said, eyes narrowed.


    Gloria shuddered, then stiffened as Nathanial began to peel a crimson strand of mana out of her as the other three Inquisitors and Finn watched from the doorway.


    ¡°Damn thing only rose to the surface when it was triggered. That was why it was so hard to find.¡± The High Inquisitor carefully peeled the spellwork away from Gloria¡¯s head before severing it, causing the tightly wound construct to dissolve into nothing.


    ¡°That spell seemed to behave a lot like the one suppressing Leanne¡¯s ability to make more zealots.¡± Stephen said, frowning.


    ¡°I¡¯m aware,¡± Nathanial said through gritted teeth. He glanced at Gloria and Finn. ¡°We¡¯ll talk about this later.¡±


    They left the room, with Gloria looking dazed behind them. As soon as the door was closed, Nathanial began giving instructions.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to hit the Bergstrom household with Richard. Stephen and Mark, you two hit the Denton household. Until reinforcements get here, it¡¯s the buddy system.¡±


    ¡°We killed him, didn¡¯t we?¡± Richard asked.


    ¡°I¡¯ve seen the expression of many men who have been stabbed in the heart, and that was like nothing I¡¯ve seen, meaning one of several things must be true. We didn¡¯t stab him in the heart, he felt he could survive it, or¡­¡±


    ¡°Or?¡±


    ¡°Or it wasn¡¯t a man.¡± Nathanial said with a grin.


    His severe gaze turned to Finn, making shivers run up his spine.


    ¡°You, spend the rest of the evening softening up Ms. Pendleton. I want her deprogrammed as quickly as possible.¡±


    ¡°But it can take months to¨C¡° Finn stammered before he was interrupted.


    ¡°Then you better get started right now.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t you just,¡± Mark made a clipping gesture at his head.


    ¡°Not without losing a lot of valuable evidence. Forcing the issue will get us only what we know to ask for, but a woman scorned will give us all that and more.¡±


    ¡°Alright, get to it.¡± he said, dismissing the other two.


    Finn was about to leave when Nathanial caught his shoulder, causing his adrenalin to spike. He never knew when the High Inquisitor was going to fly off the into a rage and start murdering people.


    ¡°I¡¯m not that bad. Just a minute.¡± He said before dragging the scribe to his office, Richard trailing close behind, his broken arm splinted and healing quickly due to his high Endurance.


    The inquisitor pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a quick letter before dropping wax on it and impressing the High Inquisitor seal on the soft wax. He blew on it a moment to soften it before slipping the entire thing in an envelope and handing it to Finn.


    ¡°Take that to the post office, and give them this,¡± he said, handing him the seal. ¡°Impress upon them that time is of the essence.¡±


    ¡°Sir.¡± Finn preformed his snappiest salute, to which the High Inquisitor seemed unimpressed.


    Finn took off down the hall, aiming to deliver the letter as quickly as possible.


    Finn trotted out onto the street and made a hard left turn, aiming for the Post office. It wasn¡¯t his first time being a runner, and he didn¡¯t mind. Messages were important, and someone needed to run them.


    He must have been running a bit too fast though, because he got a little lightheaded near one of the alleys, but after a moment of catching his breath, he continued on at a powerwalk.


    Once he¡¯d delivered the letter and impressed upon the clerk there the importance of getting it to the capitol in the least amount of time possible, he trotted back to continue interviewing Gloria Bergstrom.


    ***Garth***


    Garth waited in an alley outside the precinct. When he saw the fat scribe take off through his Scry spell that he used to keep tabs on the Inquisitors, he moved to intercept. Sure it could be a trap, but he was having too much fun.


    The chubby fellow ran straight through a cloud of Garth¡¯s Forget-Me spores and leaned against the alley wall, panting, his eyes staring into space.


    I wonder what he wrote in the letter exactly? Garth thought. he¡¯d been shielding it with his hand, and Garth hadn¡¯t had time to reorient the viewpoint of the Scry spell.


    Garth slipped his hand in to the man¡¯s vest and came away with the letter. Still whistling a jaunty theme song, he pulled out Emilio the Plant from his Storage band.


    ¡°HAAAAH.¡± The potted, brain shaped plant gave an audible gasp of air as Garth pulled him up to look at the letter.


    ¡°It¡¯s so stuffy in there!¡±


    ¡°Take a look at this,¡± Garth said, holding Em up. A pair of eyes opened at the front of the pink cauliflower.


    It had taken some tinkering, but Emilio the Plant was as happy and chipper as could be. it involved creating a distinct separation between his personal identity and that of the man whose memories he had, and a few choice modifications to the way he processed fear and helplessness, and the desire for autonomy, which Garth intended to carry forward into the design of future Brain ¡®Flowers.


    ¡°Looks like a Discard stamp.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°The little loop at the bottom of the seal is missing, along with the fifth bar on the Eagle symbol. It¡¯s a decoy.¡±


    Garth opened the letter and pretended to read while looking around with a tiny Arcane eye.


    Sure enough, the two men he had fought a couple days ago were peering at him from the next building over, being all sneaky like.


    They weren¡¯t moving to capture him, though. They were probably trying to suss out more of his abilities before going on the attack.


    Garth refocused on the letter in his hand.


    High Inquisitor Nathanial urgently requests reinforcements from Central Command. One Inquisitor is down, Enemy unknown, but suspected to be a Prima Regula in command of Third Tier power. A Platoon of High Inquisitors is requested to prevent any more casualties.


    ¡°Well this is boring.¡± Garth said, running his hand over the letter, rearranging the ink and fixing the wax seal on the back to be an official one, keeping it covered with his other hand.


    High Inquisitor Nathanial urgently requests reinforcements from Central Command. The Forgotten Queen has been sighted, and has access to a Gate. Requesting reinforcements from the Dan Ui clan to prevent her escape to another Layer. Swift and overwhelming force recommended.


    ¡°We call them the Saviors, and the Forgotten Queen is a reverential term used by people who work for her. We call her the Apostle of Kolath.¡±


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s Leanne!¡± Garth said, facepalming. ¡°Boy do I feel dumb now. That white hair and the age threw me off. And she¡¯s not nearly so¡­spiteful. Really mellowed out.¡±


    He chuckled and shook his head as he finished modifying the letter before he slipped it back into the fat guy¡¯s vest before pinching him on his chubby cheeks, putting his hands in his pockets and walking out of the alley, scanning both directions carefully like he was still on guard. He even threw a glance up at the building across the street, just to make sure that they believed they managed to sneak by him.


    I wonder if this is a double fake out or a triple fake out. I¡¯m having a hard time keeping track. In any case, I got my work cut out for me. Keeping myself secret and hidden and Patient for years on end isn¡¯t really my strong suit, so we¡¯ll make some chaos and see how it goes.


    ***Richard***


    So we¡¯re being watched.


    ¡°No doubt about it, it was the same guy. Didn¡¯t seem stabbed either, so he¡¯s got access to some kind of healing,¡± Richard said.


    Healing wasn¡¯t exactly commonplace, not even among the Inquisitors. The royal family didn¡¯t want the spell making it out into the general populace. It was one of the carrots they could hold over their heads, and so they guarded the secret jealously. It was why Richard¡¯s arm was still in a brace.


    ¡°I felt Nature mana in the cloud that Finn walked through. All the other spells the suspect used were neutral, raw mana or simple, common ones like force and space. Nature mana? That¡¯s the sort of thing you have to work at to get good at. For a cloud whose effects are easily copied by a Befuddle? That¡¯s the boy¡¯s specialty. He¡¯s been trying not to tip his hand, I think.¡±


    ¡°A Druid from the South?¡± Richard asked.


    ¡°Something about that seems wrong. He doesn¡¯t look the part, and he doesn¡¯t have a stupid snake wrapped around his neck, and that potted brain¡­I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m thinking it wasn¡¯t a druid.¡± Nathanial squinted as Finn shook off the spell and began trotting away like he hadn¡¯t noticed a couple minutes of lost time.


    ¡°So we¡¯ve got Tier Three spell work, a nature focus, an obviously modified body, healing, teleportation, and a very powerful Lantern¡­I¡¯m drawing a blank. There shouldn¡¯t be anyone on Earth alive or dead like that.¡± Richard said.


    ¡°Obviously there is someone on Earth like that. We just need to figure out where he came from. It¡¯s possible Leanne¡¯s brought in a specialist from outside Earth, someone polymorphed to look human.¡±


    ¡°She can¡¯t use her power on people stronger willed than her, which precludes the possibility of recruiting someone stronger than her to save her ass, which matched the fight we had earlier. If he were on The Apostle of Kolath¡¯s level, we would have died instantly.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think he was trying to kill us.¡± Nathanial said. ¡°As a third Tier, she should be able to convert him, but the look he gave us¡­was not that of a zealot. I don¡¯t know why she would let him float around as a free agent.¡±


    ¡°Maybe she did it the old-fashioned way,¡± Richard hazarded. ¡°With money.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s not jump to conclusions. There¡¯s no evidence that thing is from offplanet, and until there is, let¡¯s focus on who on Earth matches that description.¡± Nathanial said.


    ¡°Roger.¡±


    ¡°In the meantime, let¡¯s check the Bergstrom manor then get some ice cream.¡±


    Richard paused, giving Nathaniel a double-take. ¡°Are you serious?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, if this guy who uses their name had any contact with the Bergstroms in the last few months, he should¡¯ve disappeared the entire household the day we showed up, which means we''ll have plenty of time for a snack on the way back to the precinct.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 180: Surveillance

    ¡°Lost him on the Scry.¡±  Richard said.


    ¡°Really? What happened?¡±


    ¡°He went into an abandoned building, shit in his hand, gave the entire room the finger, which I assume was meant for me, lit his clothes on fire and teleported out.¡±


    ¡°Huh. That¡¯s a new one.¡±


    The two inquisitors sauntered back into the precinct, hours ahead of the team sent to investigate the Dentons and their connection to this mysterious hand-shitter.


    When they got to the High Inquisitor¡¯s office, Richard smelled something foul. Nathaniel took one peek in the former chief of police¡¯s office and growled a bit.


    He closed the door and stepped back, craned his neck and shouted ¡°Finn! Grab some cleaning supplies and get over here on the double!¡± The fat man in the main office started and fell off of his chair, nearly faceplanting on the dirty office floor.


    Richard got curious and peered into the room.


    It was covered in shit. Shit was smeared on the walls, the floor, the desk¡­even the ceiling.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s troubling.¡±


    ¡°The shit¡¯s a distraction,¡± Nathaniel said. ¡°Check to make sure nothing¡¯s missing from the rest of the office. Stay within earshot.¡± He clapped Richard on the shoulder.


    ¡°Sir.¡±


    ¡°I gotta check to see if anything¡¯s out of place.¡± Nathaniel said with a scowl.


    The two went their separate ways, but a couple seconds later Richard heard the High Inquisitor chuckle.


    By all the gods, what could make that man laugh? Richard thought in alarm, scrambling back to the Chief¡¯s office.


    Richard took a deep breath, held it, and then entered the shit-covered room, spotting the High Inquisitor looking down at the desk in amusement.


    On the desk, written in human shit, was a limerick.


    Jim got nervous, and sent me a tool


    He was callous, half-nosed and cruel.


    He swung and he missed


    And then I got pissed.


    And now his desk is covered in stool.


    ¡°That¡¯s the best laugh I¡¯ve gotten in fifteen years,¡± the High Inquisitor said. ¡°We¡¯ve got a prankster.¡± He gave Richard one of the secret Inquisitor hand signs.


    Set up a Dimensional Trap.


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t seem that funny to me.¡± Richard said, acting as if he hadn¡¯t seen it. They didn¡¯t have the luxury of avoiding Scrying as easily.


    ¡°You lack perspective. I¡¯m gonna rub his face in it. Get back to your orders.¡±


    ¡°Sir.¡±


    ¡°FIIIINNN!¡± Nathaniel shouted as Richard left the office. ¡°Where are those cleaning supplies!?¡±


    Finn the scribe hustled past Richard, the jiggling mass puffing as he carried a bucket full of soapy water sloshing down the hall.


    Some of it got on Richard, but he didn¡¯t backhand the scribe. He felt like a shower anyway.


    Richard walked all the way to the storeroom where the inquisitor¡¯s storeroom, his senses strained to their utmost. It occurred to him now, that he was alone, just like Emilio had been when he was killed.


    Richard cautiously entered the room and fished through their supplies for the expensive enchantment that would trap anyone teleporting in a stasis bubble.


    The Dimensional Trap came in two parts, the enchantment itself, and a space-sensitive crystal that would trigger it when it felt any folding of space within one hundred feet.


    Setting up the device was as simple as sliding the crystal into the enchantment¡­ which was somewhat phallic.


    Richard put it together without incident then brought it back upstairs, spotting the jiggly scribe on his hands and knees scrubbing at the inquisitor¡¯s floor while Nathanial flipped through his documents.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Why are you naked again!?¡± Alicia demanded as Garth walked back into the lair, sans clothes. Caitlyn blushed and turned back to her drafting project, secretly peeking.


    ¡°Scrying is a bitch. Even if people can¡¯t Scry on you personally, they can do it to your clothes if they got a good enough look at them. Ask Caitlyn.¡±


    Garth had written the spell down in a notebook and hidden it in his bedroom somewhere she could find, because the girl seemed to get off on spying, even learning faster when she thought she was forbidden than when she was spoon fed, which was weird¡­Scry seemed like a good spell for her.


    Caitlyn froze, shoulders hunched guiltily, but Alicia ignored his comment.


    ¡°Can¡¯t you keep a spare set of clothes somewhere?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± Garth answered deadpan, going into his room and putting on some pants before he set Emilio in front of the Scry-tube.


    ¡°Let me know if they do anything funky.¡± Garth said. ¡°I gotta prepare to receive an old friend.¡±


    ¡°Roger,¡± Emilio said, watching the pool of eight major figures that Garth needed to keep an eye on.


    Inquisitors were normally difficult to spy on, but Emilio had given him the access code, essentially. Such a helpful brain-plant.


    Garth walked back out into the living room where Alicia was practicing her mana control and Caitlyn was drafting a new gun.


    The two girls were nowhere near where they needed to be in order to protect themselves. Garth needed two things for them. Combat experience, and Classes.


    ¡°Listen up!¡± Garth said clapping his hands. ¡°Enjoy your last night of freedom. I¡¯m going to be accelerating your training with real world experience over the next couple days.¡± He clenched his fist. ¡°Fights to the death with people who are better than you in every way. Like in anime.¡±


    ¡°I¡­don¡¯t wanna do that.¡± Caitlyn said.


    ¡°Damn. Al?¡± he turned to the black haired girl sitting croslegged in the middle of the room.


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re right, that anime trope is stupid,¡± Garth muttered to himself. ¡°Well, I gotta go have a talk with Mrs. Banyan, and I¡¯ll get back to you on that one.¡±


    Now to lure Alicia to the dark side.


    Garth snapped his fingers and pointed at Alicia. ¡°Don¡¯t bother Emilio while I¡¯m gone,¡±


    ¡°Why would I-¡°


    Garth snapped his fingers again, walking backwards, eyes fixed on Alicia until the wall came between them.


    Teleport.


    Garth turned and jumped through space to land in the center of the practice yard.


    ¡°Mrs. Banyan.¡± He called, and she stepped out of a trunk.


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Can you make this?¡± he asked, creating one of his laser eye-pokers with dark blue-green leaves.


    ¡°Not from nothing like you do. I may be a Beladian Dryad, but I lack the sheer talent,¡± She said, shaking her head. ¡°I could grow them, easily, however.¡±


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Garth glanced back down at the tiny sapling in his hand. He wanted more options against the Dan Ui Clan when they showed up a second time. Swordfish were one thing, but he wanted many different lines of defense.


    When Cass had made world longer in one direction, he had mentioned that the heat still hit him.


    The spell Horn Guy had used to kill him had been a ball of heat in a dimensional lock tube.


    It seemed to follow that simple heat and light had the quality of being hard to defend against with magical shenanigans.


    Garth knew he was punching above his weight class, and that meant he had to set the most vicious trap he could imagine if he even wanted a couple extra seconds of breathing room.


    The laser eye-pokey thing was so heavily modified it didn¡¯t even give off viable seeds, so he¡¯d have to make each seed himself.


    Well, better modify it some more. Add a connection to Grass, raise the size limit, tweak a few things¡­the first one was a hell of a rush job anyway.


    ¡°Alright, I¡¯ll make you dumpster filled with seeds. When I get them to you, I want you to cover both sides of the mountain with them, kay?¡±


    ¡°sir.¡± Banyan snapped a salute.


    ¡°And can you ask everyone in the refugees if they know how to make a Class Orb?


    Mrs. Banyan¡¯s face went blank for a moment, like someone taking a satisfying dump, then she refocused on his face.


    ¡°Sorry, there aren¡¯t any. Although it seems to be common knowledge that Class orbs are limited to the pre-rendered classes their creator defined.¡±


    ¡°I wonder how Clark got Phytomage, then,¡± Garth mused.


    ¡°Probably got burned into the orb by Beladia.¡± Mrs. Banyan said, blinking her big brown eyes. It still took Garth aback how similar she looked to Jessica.


    ¡°Comes down to the Gods again, doesn¡¯t it?¡± Garth asked, shaking his head. That amulet of Endeavor was looking more and more attractive.


    All he needed to do was set an impossible task in front of them and set them loose. Shouldn¡¯t be too hard.


    ***Alicia***


    ¡°Don¡¯t bother Emilio¡­Pfft. I¡¯ll show you bothering,¡± Alicia muttered to herself, standing up and heading for Garth¡¯s room shortly after he left.


    She didn¡¯t exactly have a plan for what she was going to do to the disgusting brain¡­thing, but any idea of petty sabotage flew from her mind when she spotted what was happening in the bottom right hand screen, where her aunt was talking to two men in golden armor.


    ¡°Let me hear what they¡¯re saying!¡± she told Emilio, who startled when he saw Alicia right beside him.


    A second later, her aunt¡¯s voice began to flow from the plant¡¯s pot.


    ¡°She killed her brother for standing against Kyle in the Succession.¡± Maggie shrugged. From Alicia¡¯s aerial point of view, she could see the Inquisitor¡¯s eyes flicker down and back up to the lying bitch¡¯s face. Almost in perfect time with her shrug.


    ¡°When she killed James, I kicked her out of my council. I couldn¡¯t bring myself to look at her.¡± Kyle said, a single tear forming at the corner of his eye. He wiped it away. ¡°James was my friend.¡±


    ¡°You son of a bitch!¡± Alicia shouted to the heedless figures on the other side of the Scrying spell. Her vision began to tint red. ¡°He was my friend!¡±


    Emilio wisely said nothing.


    ¡°She started making deals outside her authority,¡± Maggie said. ¡°Getting involved with crime and bringing shame to our household. That was when she started hanging out with this Edward boy you¡¯re asking about. When we finally disowned her, she snuck back into the mansion and kidnapped her younger brother. Some insane part of her mind believed she was still in the running for First chair. Ever since then she¡¯s made multiple attempts on the lives of her brothers and sisters.¡±


    ¡°During the ¡®field trip¡¯, she tried to throw me into the fire,¡± Susie said in her smoky voice from across the table. ¡°I¡¯ve got the burns to prove it.¡±


    ¡°Fuck!¡± Alicia said, kicking the scrying bowl over so hard it shattered under her foot and sprayed water everywhere.


    ¡°hey!¡± Emilio the Brain said, but she didn¡¯t hear him.


    Hang me out to dry? I¡¯ll execute every last one of you!


    Alicia knew exactly what the logic behind their actions were. Make her a scapegoat and distance the family themselves from any involvement with Edward ¨C Garth ¨C so that the family could continue on with the least amount of damage.


    It didn¡¯t make it feel any better. Once they had voiced it to an Inquisitor, it had become the Truth, with a capital T. The Inquisitor would compile the report, which would then be filed in the Empire, and her ¡®murders¡¯ would become fact. And if they changed their story a little bit, it would all come crashing down on them.


    So they lied.


    Smeared her name.


    If there was one thing Alicia couldn¡¯t tolerate, it was being accused of killing James.


    She turned and stormed out of Garth¡¯s room and headed for the living room, where Caitlyn was glancing over her shoulder at the sudden shattering noise.


    ¡°I¡¯m taking this,¡± she said, picking Caitlyn¡¯s most recent pistol up and hanging the holster over her waist.


    ¡°Umm-¡° Caitlyn tried to say something, but she stopped when Alicia looked at her, swallowing and turning even paler, if that was believable.


    ¡°Have fun?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I will.¡± Alicia said, feeling a smile start to rise to her face. She felt¡­free somehow.


    Alicia tromped into Garth¡¯s workshop with the strange Garth-plant. She slapped one of his Status bands on her wrist, feeling the stat boost fill her with strength.


    She picked up one of his armor enchantments and put the disc on her back, where it fused to her clothing, causing a slight pressure in her ear as a suit of invisible armor snapped up around her.


    Alicia spotted an amulet on the wall and put it over her head, stuffing several of the ancient wizard¡¯s explosive seeds into the status band, along with vials of his so-called performance enhancing drugs.


    In the center of the room was a golden sphere on a pedestal, with mana swirling around it so thickly she could almost taste the stuff.


    She grabbed it and put it in the status band.


    Alicia stalked back to her room, ignoring Caitlyn¡¯s panicked looks, grabbing Cunning and Guile.


    The wand on her right hip, and the long rapier over her back, Alicia marched out of the cozy house in the center of a dungeon, through the underground forest, and out into the light of the sun.


    ***Garth***


    Garth stood beside Emilio, watching Maggie and the Inquisitors giving each other hand signals under the table while Alicia headed toward their trap, wearing the Amulet of Endeavor.


    ¡°I had to make the Inquisitors know I was watching them to pull off this little trick. Girl needs a class, and to do that, she¡¯s got to walk headfirst into doing something really stupid. I could have never pulled off something this convoluted when I was building decks and unplugging septic lines.¡±


    ¡°I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Moriarty.¡± Garth said, arms crossed as he watched Alicia use her new skills to skate across the ground at bullet-train speeds, doing exactly as he¡¯d predicted. Garth wasn¡¯t even sure how he¡¯d predicted it. it just kind of¡­flowed through him.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know who that is,¡± Emilio said.


    I¡¯m so smart I can¡¯t even comprehend it. Garth thought, peering into the scrying bowl.


    ¡°Think you could lower the angle a little and turn it a bit to give us a nice three-quarters view of her butt?¡± he asked.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 181: The Training he was Talking About.

    ¡°Whew, this is rough,¡± Garth said, wiping a bit of perspiration away and glancing over his shoulder at the giant screen in the center of the training field.


    ¡°Ah, ah,¡± Mrs. Banyan said, turning his head back toward the wooden box the size of a wagon half full of seeds.


    ¡°You said a dumpster full, and I¡¯m gonna hold you to that.¡±


    ¡°But I wanna watch the fight.¡± Garth also wanted to be able to intervene quickly if she wound up getting her butt kicked more than she should. He¡¯d left a lot of high-end gear laying around for her to borrow, because those Inquisitors were way above her paygrade.


    ¡°We¡¯ll let you know if she hits a snag.¡±


    ¡°Listen to your creator once in awhile, would¡¯ja?¡± Garth muttered, turning back to the dumpster and getting back to the laborious process of blessing each and every laser-tree with his personal attention and a will.


    He felt like that greeter from the movie. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you.


    Garth had improved the laser¡¯s output drastically, thousands of times over, and when the tree was at full mast ¨C hah, full mast ¨C it could burn a hole through plate steel about the size of a quarter.


    And its beam contained a random pattern of Space mana. Not enough to do anything weird to physical bodies ¨C probably ¨C, but enough to scramble teleportation or funky non-euclidean spaces.


    He still didn¡¯t know how to make them, exactly, but you don¡¯t have to know how to build a computer to smash it with a brick.


    Fuck non-euclidean spaces.


    Garth was taking a note from the Horny guy. If step one of Wizard Battle was to summon a Lantern and take control of a space, step two was to limit the other wizard¡¯s mobility as much as possible, Especially teleportation.


    Well, you know what they say, a drop of sweat is worth a gallon of blood, or some such¡­ Not that I bleed that much these days, or even feel pain for that matter?


    Does the human condition still apply to me?


    ¡°Keep those hands moving!¡± Mrs. Banyan said, jolting Garth out of his reverie.


    Lemme see, getting yelled at by my own daughter vis a vis Beladia for slacking off around the house, random bystanders sending me amused and pitying glances.


    Yep, the human condition still applies. I can almost still feel shame.


    Garth glanced back down at the seed in his hand and got to work.


    Garth had even added an upgrade for Grass. These trees were a lot like RAM for Grass, and should make his thinking more nuanced and fluid. They plugged into Grass, and were controlled by him, but they also funneled just a little more processing power and memory back into him than they cost.


    He¡¯ll thank me later. Assuming he doesn¡¯t change completely and set his mind on taking over the world, but we should be safe.


    Probably.


    The only thing the tree couldn¡¯t do was reproduce, which went against his instincts as an apostle of Beladia, but he¡¯d devoted so much of the tree¡¯s energy to developing the weapon systems that it simply didn¡¯t have enough left over to get busy.


    Which meant he had to do each of them by hand.


    Over his shoulder, he heard something blow up, and the cheering of thousands of people who watched the big screen scrying TV he¡¯d set up in the center of L.A. to watch Alicia fight inquisitors as practice.


    When did we get so many people? Garth thought, glancing over his shoulder to see a wooden breast in front of him. He zoomed out a bit to see Mrs. Banyan watching him with a scowl, hands on her hips.


    ¡°What about popcorn? I could make these people some popcorn?¡±


    She raised a brow.


    ¡°Right, working,¡± Garth said, turning back to his job.


    On a scale of one to ten, how much do you think Alicia is gonna hate me for manipulating her into this? Garth thought to himself as another explosion noise rocked the open space, followed by the sound of lightning.


    Maybe a four? I mean I did tell her not to bother Emilio.


    ¡­Knowing this would happen.


    Blame is a funny thing.


    ***Alicia, ten minutes ago***


    Alicia had a long time to think about what she was going to do on the glide over. She wasn¡¯t comfortable with flight and being suspended high up in the air yet, but she made excellent time whooshing along the ground, compressed air under her feet.


    No matter how she contorted her thoughts, she couldn¡¯t see a path forward that involved her and Maggie ¨C Aunt Maggie was right out ¨C being friends. Even if all of this blew over tomorrow, and by the grace of the goddess of forgiveness, Alicia decided to forgive her, it didn¡¯t matter.


    Maggie would assume Alicia was just waiting for an opportunity to get back at her and act accordingly, finding some creative way to kill her. She crossed that line with no intention of ever getting Alicia back, and nothing that happened now could change that.


    The rest of her family though, they might take her back.


    Especially if she killed Maggie.


    So the plan, if there was one. Come down on them like a bolt of lightning, kill Maggie ¨C Kyle too if he was standing close enough ¨C and be gone before anyone knew she was there.


    She¡¯d only taken an hour to get to Santo Descanso, so there was every possibility that the Inquisitors were still there. She¡¯d have to watch the Denton Manor from a distance and wait for them to leave.


    Then she could do what she set out to do.


    I¡¯m not the same woman that ran away in the middle of the night, she thought, her fingers tightening around the wand on her hip.


    Once she got to the gate, she put her head down and joined the stream of people flowing along the cobbled roads, making her way to the clock tower.


    The clock tower was a dusty old clock that their neighbors, the Campbells had been particularly proud of. She¡¯d been told as much, anyway. Growing up, it had just been the empty clock tower she and James liked to sneak into and watch the Denton mansion from a distance, pretending they were sniping their brothers and sisters.


    Who knew I¡¯d use it for the express purpose of stalking my aunt?


    Alicia ducked down a side alley as she came closer to the noble quarter, executed a ten-foot jump and grabbed a building ledge. She hauled herself up then crouched down low, legs spread wide. Thankfully Garth wasn¡¯t around to give away their position with an appreciative whistle.


    ***Garth, ten minutes ago***


    Garth whistled appreciatively as she squatted down, stretching the leather of her pants and jutting her perfect behind out like no one was watching, which wasn¡¯t exactly true.


    ¡°Damn, boss. You know how to pick ¡®em.¡± Juan said as they admired the ten-foot tukas on the the twenty foot tall, forty foot wide TV Garth had set up in the center of L.A. on a whim.


    ¡°I know right?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Nah, she crazy. Girl¡¯s on a mission to kill her family. Don¡¯t stick your dick in crazy.¡± Zack said.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t she like, eight hundred and forty years younger than you?¡± Fred chimed in. ¡°You have anything in common?¡±


    ¡°What, you want me to go around dating mummies? You see, I haven¡¯t stuck my dick in anything, and as for what we¡¯ve got in common, she likes power, and I like cra¨C¡° Garth¡¯s words were cut off as Mrs. Banyan grabbed his ear and yanked him down to eye level.


    ¡°Where are the seeds you promised me?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Can it wait?¡± Garth asked. ¡°We¡¯re sort of in the middle of-¡°


    ¡°Invading a woman¡¯s privacy?¡±


    ¡°You could see it that wa-.¡± The tug grew stronger, and Garth was forced to march along with her or lose the ear.


    ***Alicia***


    She crept along the lower portion of the rooftop, staying out of sight of the Denton Manor, until she was one jump away from the Campbell¡¯s.


    Alicia peeked around the corner, didn¡¯t see anyone outside her home or standing in the windows, before she made a quick jump over to the Campbell rooftop. She soundlessly let herself drop down to the weed-choked back yard.


    She looked down at a dandelion under her foot.


    No one was particularly eager to move in next to the Dentons, a fact she¡¯d taken great pride in, but now that seemed¡­disappointing, somehow. Hollow.


    Gah, focus on the mission.


    Alicia shook her head and got back to work, creeping up to the rear of the dilapidated building, where the flaking paint-covered door was caught, stuck partway open by a huge stand of weeds.


    She squared her shoulders and crept forward through the same opening she¡¯d crept through hundreds of times before when she was younger. She needed to cross through the squeaky foyer, sticking to the walls to avoid making noise, then up the stairs, dodging the broken step, then climb the rotten ladder up to the tower, where she could peer out the tiny holes in the wall without being seen.


    Alicia¡¯s thoughts were interrupted by a tugging sensation.


    She glanced down and noticed her butt had caught between the door and the frame, tangible evidence she was no longer the same person who¡¯d come this way before.


    ¡°By all the gods,¡± she muttered in exasperation, trying to pull herself through. The tugging grew stronger, and her hip let out a twinge of pain as the door seemed to tighten.


    ¡°Damned thing.¡± She hissed, putting her palms on the frame and pushing her back against it, hard.


    Against her superhuman strength, the door gave way with a soft crack of wood and crushed weeds, allowing her hips to pass through.


    Why couldn¡¯t my chest have gotten stuck? She thought, massaging the sore spot high on her hip as she crept toward the foyer.


    The back room was the same as it had always been, row after row of filthy jars covered in dust and mold. All of the sweet jam that Mr. Campbell had made had long since been eaten up by Alicia and James, leaving only the empty, broken jars littering the ground.


    She stepped carefully, sliding the glass out of the way as she navigated the rickety shelves, aiming for the foyer. She cautiously ducked her head in and checked the large room. Not a soul in sight.


    Alicia slid around the corner, silently padding along the edge of the room. The floor was filled with warped boards, and despite her little stunt with the back door, she didn¡¯t want to make any noise if she could help it.


    Inquisitors most likely had better senses than she did, and she didn¡¯t want to risk them hearing her from across the street if she didn¡¯t have to.


    She carefully tiptoed around the warped boards she remembered from her childhood, passing silently through the darkened foyer. The only light that seemed to enter the room came from the large windows above the second floor, and the sun was on the opposite side of the house, granting only a dim outline of objects.


    She was halfway to the stairs when a warped board four feet away from her squeaked as it depressed into the floor.


    Squeak!


    Following her instinct, Alicia threw herself to the ground.


    Metal chains flew over her head and two men wearing golden armor suddenly became visible, causing her heart to leap into her throat.


    It¡¯s a trap! She thought as she scrambled backward, fingers reaching the broken stairwell leading up to the second floor.


    ¡°Alicia, I wasn¡¯t sure which of you would come. I¡¯m glad it¡¯s you.¡± Aunt Maggie¡¯s voice came from beyond the two inquisitors.


    She faded into view, stepping forward from the shadows of the kitchen, still wearing her formal gown, as if she¡¯d be visiting a ball after this.


    ¡°We have a lot to talk about.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 182: Eye of the Tiger

    ¡°How¡¯s life, Alicia? We haven¡¯t really had our usual chats in months.¡± Maggie said, daintily folding herself to be at eye level.


    Anger long since buried began bubbling to the surface like crude oil, ready to be lit on fire. Her decision to kill Maggie had unlocked emotions she couldn¡¯t admit she had two months ago.


    ¡°How¡¯s selling your nieces to politicians for profit and power? Still going good?¡±


    ¡°That was my fault. You got a bad egg, Al. Benedette¡¯s-¡±


    ¡°Do not call me Al.¡± Alicia hissed.


    ¡°Ms. Denton.¡± The young-ish inquisitor said, glancing over at Maggie. ¡°If you could wait until we subdue her. The girl is wearing at least three Artifact Grade magical items.


    ¡°Lit up like a Founder¡¯s Tree.¡± The other one, a man with a bushy black beard said, staring at her.


    ¡°Nonsense, She¡¯s my niece. I can talk sense into her.¡±


    Alicia glanced between the men and Maggie. If she was caught, Garth would tear up her contract, and she wouldn¡¯t be able to tell them anything. Not even why she was there. Perfect. All she needed to do then, was kill Maggie.


    Then she¡¯d most likely wake up in an interrogation cell with no memory of what she¡¯d done, unable to reveal Garth¡¯s true identity, Aunt out of her life.


    Works for me.


    Alicia put her legs under her and jumped, her body sailing fifteen feet up in the air, reaching eye level with the banister overlooking the first floor.


    Can¡¯t try to kill her right away, not while they¡¯re standing between me and her. Alicia thought. They would most likely move to block, and once her goal was revealed, there was no way she¡¯d get past them.


    She caught the bannister, which gave a hideous creaking noise as she swung over it, up onto the second floor. She dropped to the ground and began sprinting down the hallway at full speed, always keeping her position relative to Maggie¡¯s last known location.


    Alicia passed directly over it, and considered sending a bolt of lightning straight through the floor and roasting everything in a wide cone beneath her. After a certain level, her master had said, walls lost their meaning.


    A prickle on her newly refined sense for mana warned her before her eyes, as a Binding Chain screamed through the air from the direction she¡¯d come.


    Alicia drew Guile and shoved raw mana down its edge, causing it to crackle with lightning. She let out a scream and annihilated the chain in midflight, drawing her crackling blade down on the construct and reducing it to sparkling chunks of mana.


    Behind the chain was a stunned looking Inquisitor.


    Where¡¯s the other one? Is he trying to cut me off from the other side of the hall?


    Alicia looked, but there was no one there.


    The floor beneath her exploded in an all-encompassing wave of shrapnel as the ancient floor gave way before a shimmering chain. The wooden shrapnel bounced off the invisible shield created by the enchanted disc between her shoulder blades.


    Oh right, walls have no meaning.


    The chain wrapped around her legs and dragged her back through the hole, wood shrieking against her magical armor.


    She should have been hurt badly by the rough handling, but between her Abilities being upgraded by the status band, and her Force armor, she felt like they hadn¡¯t even gotten started.


    Alicia drew her wand in midair, an instant before she slammed roughly into the first floor again. She crunched a couple inches into the wooden floor, but it wasn¡¯t that bad, the force had been spread out evenly, and Alicia was a lot tougher than wood.


    ¡°Stephen! She¡¯s got spells!¡± A voice echoed from above them as Alicia channeled raw mana through Cunning, creating a gust of wind that picked the inquisitor up and slammed him through the wall behind him.


    ¡°I can see that!¡± The bearded man¡¯s voice echoed from the hole in the wall.


    Her master had said, ¡®no matter how high someone¡¯s strength gets, their weight stays the same.¡¯


    Alicia cut the chains from around her legs, and made a sprint for the side wall, boosting her speed with a relentless gust of wind. Walls have no meaning.


    The other inquisitor was dropping down through the hole in the second floor when Alicia hit the wall like a train with her elbows in front of her. The wall of the dilapidated mansion shattered in front of her way as she dove through.


    An instant later, her hips encountered an instant of resistance as they shattered their own way through the wall. Then she was tumbling through the weed-choked front yard of the Campbell house.


    Not wasting a second, Alicia whipped around, slinging one of Garth¡¯s bombs out of her Status Band and straight through the hole she¡¯d just gone through.


    An instant later Moss shot out of the hole and covered the side of the mansion face in an instant.


    Moss? MOSS?


    Alicia should have vetted those bombs.


    The two Inquisitors dove through the hole in the wall, one after the other


    She stood and leveled her adamantium blade at them, Cunning behind her in her left hand. She needed to stall them long enough to stop them.


    Should have known Garth¡¯s bombs were just pretty foliage. My master likes covering things in plants so they look nice. I swear, he probably sleeps with them.


    ¡­Maybe I should wear green?


    ¡°Now Ms. Denton,¡± the bearded Inquisitor said. ¡°If you allow us to help you, we can remove whatever hold this man has over you.¡±


    Alicia chuckled, spotting the moss turning yellow behind them.


    ¡°Save the leniency talk for peasants.¡± She said, stalling for time. ¡°I know what¡¯s in store for me. If you want this heretic, you¡¯ll have to work for it.¡±


    They started advancing toward her, which wasn¡¯t what she wanted. She wanted them to stay still. Better yet, have them get closer to the moss, because it was red.


    Alicia funneled all the mana she could manage through Cunning and sent a vicious wind toward them, hoping to knock them back into the moss.


    Both inquisitors held up shields of force, pressing forward against her wind.


    Damn!


    The moss exploded, with far more intensity than Alicia was expecting. The Campbell Manor turned into a raging ball of fire and shrapnel, sending out a wave of pure force that pummeled all three of them to their knees.


    I wonder if Maggie was still in there. Nah, she wouldn¡¯t be polite enough to stay there and get torn to shreds.


    The force of the blast was far more than she was expecting, but at least Alicia was expecting something, allowing her to recover faster, she used the Inquisitor¡¯s forward stumble to lunge forward, hoping to skewer the man and turn this into a fight she might actually win.


    The Adamantium blade hit the gold armor and slid off, sending up a curl of gold metal as the armor shrieked in pain.


    The blade finally found a chink in the Inquisitor¡¯s armor, catching on his shoulder and puncturing through.


    He gave a pained cry, and Alicia found herself grinning, until she saw a gold gauntlet cinch down around the blade. The bearded one gave her a feral smile as he held the adamantium rapier in an iron grip.


    She gave one wholehearted attempt to tug the blade free. He¡¯s stronger than me. change strategy. She focused her will and began charging the blade with mana, creating lightning along the blade.


    The Inquisitor¡¯s jaw clenched, and his fingers tightened over the blade, refusing to let go. Out of the corner of her eye, Alicia saw the younger on charging her with his sword unsheathed. He drew his sword backhand and aimed at the back of Guile, to catch her wrist and torso with a strike that would surely cut off her hand and cleave her in two.


    With a snarl, Alicia let go of her sword and jumped over the strike.


    Normally, jumping is a bad idea, as once your feet leave the ground, your trajectory is clear as day, leaving you at the mercy of your opponent.


    Normally.


    Fly


    Alicia dodged the Inquisitor¡¯s follow-up strike by using fly to arrest her fall just outside his range. his swing went wide and Alicia flew closer in a burst of speed, ramming her sharp wand toward his eye.


    The inquisitor cursed and held his armored hand up in front of his eye, the hardened wand screeching as it collided with the metal.


    Damn, missed again. I can¡¯t keep this up for much-


    No sooner had she thought it, than the younger Inquisitor reached up and snagged her ankle as she flew past. She tried to bend down and stab his arm or face while he was holding onto her, but the man swung her downward so hard it flattened her body out, impacting against the soft earth hard enough to knock the wind out of her lungs.


    Damn it all!


    Alicia switched her wand to her right hand and began building a charge of raw mana, filling it as full as she could, trying to emulate the magnificent destruction she¡¯d seen Garth accomplish.


    It wasn¡¯t nearly as impressive, a wobbling flicker of compressed mana at the tip of her Wand. Somehow it needed to be stabilized, and Alicia had no idea how to do that.


    The Inquisitor who¡¯d slammed her to the ground followed up with a downward strike that buried itself in the ground, sending up a cloud of dust as she rolled away.


    The other one was on top of her before she had a moment to stand, spearing down at her with her own sword, the silvery-blue blade sparkling in the sunlight.


    That is my sword! Alicia thought with indignant rage as she brought the wand up to meet it, the adamantium blade stopping at the wand¡¯s basket grip. With a vindictive smile, Alicia released the compressed mana through the familiar length of adamantium, sending a bolt of lightning straight up into the man¡¯s uninjured arm.


    The bearded Inquisitor, Stephen, stood stock still, smoke erupting from his burned fingers. Rather than let go of the sword like She¡¯d hoped, he reddened and let out a guttural scream before kicking Alicia with every ounce of his strength.


    The power of the strike overloaded and shattered her Force Armor, forcing Alicia to catch the kick with her ribcage. She was sent flying through the air, hitting the rusted gate of the Campbell manor hard enough to punch a hole through the wrought iron with her back.


    Fly


    Alicia tumbled through the air, gritting her teeth and desperately trying to hold on to her wand. Her hips and legs tingled ominously, but strangely, the pain all over her body¡­invigorated her, making her blood rampage through her veins with all the violent energy of an earthquake, supercharging every part of her body. Her arms, her legs, Her¡­


    Not important. Fighting right now, she thought, ignoring the silky warmth spreading between her legs.


    ***Garth***


    Great, Garth thought, eating his lightly salted popcorn as he watched Alicia¡¯s manic, lusty grin. My first girlfriend since resurrecting is a masochistic battle-junkie. How does one even deal with that? Am I supposed to beat her up every time we make out? Sock her in the jaw?


    Ah well, I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll figure it out. I¡¯m a genius. The question now is¡­Cal glanced over at Caitlyn, who was watching the fight in abject terror.


    He had to design a Trial to Caitlyn¡¯s specs too. She wasn¡¯t a masochistic battle junky, she was a voyeuristic gear-head.


    Maybe I could have her make some spy gear for me, then arrange for her dad to be arrested. She would then steal aforementioned spy gear and try to break them out. But how would I make sure she wears the Amulet of Endeavor?


    Ah well, the idea needs refinement.


    Garth popped another bit of popcorn into his mouth as Alicia stabilized in midair, unaware that her pants had been torn to shreds, exposing large swaths of her smooth white skin.


    Alicia whipped out Caitlyn¡¯s pistol, glaring down the inquisitors in a two-fisted stance that was sure to make the highlight reel.


    ¡°Are the seeds done?¡± Mrs. Banyan demanded beside him.


    ¡°Yup,¡± Garth said, nodding at a house-sized crate full of tiny saplings. ¡°I made sixteen different types and then took cuttings to make clones.¡±


    ¡°Lazy,¡± she scoffed, but a couple dozen of her picked up the crate and started taking it out of the city anyway.


    I get no respect. Nyuck nyuck.


    Garth leaned over and spoke into a plant-based microphone. ¡°You ready with plan B?¡±


    ¡°Just give me the word,¡± Paul¡¯s voice emanated from the long-range microphone.


    ¡°Give it a minute,¡± Garth said, eyes on the big screen. ¡°Gotta let her do her absolute best.¡±


    Macronomicon


    I know you may be sad to see it go, but these mass releases are exhausting, emotionally.

 Chapter 183: Mommy Mode

    Gods, I hope my spine isn¡¯t broken, Alicia thought, flying upward to gain distance. The Denton manor shrank under her, along with the city of Santo Descanso. In a matter of seconds the place she¡¯d spent her entire life seemed tiny and insignificant.


    Everything diminished, save the two Inquisitors, who took to the air in pursuit.


    Damn! Even by a rough estimate, she was certain the inquisitors had more Intelligence than she did, which amounted to a longer flight time. Trying to outrun them in the air would be folly.


    So don¡¯t outrun them.


    Alicia angled herself toward the sun, forcing the Inquisitors to squint as they chased her. Still no sign of Maggie.


    She pointed Cunning toward the desert sky and formed a wall of thick clouds above her head, vanishing into it as the Inquisitor¡¯s caught up with her.


    Alicia juked left as the was entering the mist, then right once it become too thick to see. She took one of Garth¡¯s ¡®performance enhancing drugs¡¯ out of her status band and guzzled the vial down before tossing it aside. It tasted like lime.


    I don¡¯t care if these men eat Gorath hearts for breakfast. I¡¯m getting what I came for.


    Alicia¡¯s heart began to pound in her chest, her arms and legs shivering with anticipation. The bruises seemed to disappear from her senses, and the worrisome tingling in her legs faded away.


    Her vision tinted red around the edges.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Ooh, she took the Baller Special.¡± Garth winced. It made sense though, she was trying to win, not struggle lamely and then get caught.


    ¡°What was that?¡± Fred asked as the cloud above the city began flaring up with streaks of lightning.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s a scientific name for it, but I like to call it the Garth Baller Special.¡± Garth said, tapping his feet and taking another handful of popcorn. ¡°It basically triggers ¡®mommy mode¡¯.¡±


    ¡°What the hell is mommy mode?¡± Juan asked.


    ¡°You¡¯ve never hear stories about women lifting cars to¡­or I guess wagons, to get to their kids when they¡¯re in danger?¡±


    ¡°No, but I heard of a woman killing two slavers who were trying to kidnap her twelve year old son.¡±


    ¡°There, close enough,¡± Garth said, passing the popcorn around. ¡°I always wanted to know how mommy mode affected people in a world where attribute values are a thing, so this is an excellent case study.¡±


    ¡°Well, mommy mode seems pretty damaging to the body,¡± Zack said. ¡°She just broke her hand on that guy¡¯s armor.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a powerful regenerative effect. I don¡¯t make defective goods.¡± Garth spoke around a mouthful of popcorn. ¡°And it¡¯s the Garth Baller Special.¡±


    ¡°Mommy mode,¡± Fred said.


    ¡°Mommy mode,¡± Juan agreed.


    ¡°Bah.¡±


    ****


    Alicia impacted the Inquisitor with the force of a meteor. She felt like some divine being had drawn her back and shot her forward like an arrow. The impact tore the younger inquisitor away from his partner and got her inside the range of his sword.


    She hauled back and slammed the wedge tip of Cunning against the man¡¯s side as hard as she could.


    There was a horrifying crunch, and when she looked down, she spotted her wrist twisted at a horrific angle, her wand jammed several inches into the man¡¯s armor. With a grin, Alicia unleashed a bold of lightning straight into the inquisitor¡¯s chest before kicking him away.


    He gave a scream and tumbled away, heading at breakneck speeds for the cobbled streets of Santo Descanso.


    The other one.


    Alicia whipped around and leveled Caitlyn¡¯s toy on the charging Inquisitor, squeezing the trigger. The bullets shot out of the gun with a crack of displaced air as the steel ball bearings broke the sound barrier.


    The Inquisitor put his golden gauntlet in front of his face as he sailed across the distance between them, earning four new dents in the obviously-not-gold armor.


    ¡°Should¡¯a worn my helmet,¡± The bearded one growled. A second later, Alicia saw a strange, nearly invisible man wrap itself around him in a bubble, concentrating itself.


    Then the Inquisitor started moving faster. Much faster.


    He forced himself into range of Alicia, and unleashed four blindingly fast stabs at her chest and arms.


    She only had enough speed to block half of them, and so she reflexively used Caitlyn¡¯s gun to knock aside the two aiming for her vital organs.


    With quick, precise strikes, the inquisitor punctured her shoulders with Guile, rendering her arms unusable. The inquisitor wobbled in midair as he cast a silvery chain at her, just a bit too fast for her to outfly.


    A screaming animal inside her told her to bite and scratch every inch of the way. She still didn¡¯t know if she¡¯d done what she came here to do, and she wasn¡¯t leaving without settling the score.


    ¡°Hold¡­Still!¡± The Inquisitor tried to knock her out with a golden gauntlet to the face, but he was back to normal speeds, and she swayed out of the way before lunging forward, aiming to bite him on the neck.


    He caught her neck with his armored forearm, but he lost concentration his Fly spell, plummeting toward the ground.


    Alicia was pretty proud of that, until the chain wrapped around her body went tight and dragged her screaming down to earth as well.


    The fucker was heavy.


    They landed in a crowded street two blocks over from the Denton manor, halfway to the city market. Alicia coughed and blinked, amazed that the fall hadn¡¯t killed her.


    The chain was still there, though. Damn.


    She wiggled, trying to get out of it before the Inquisitors recovered from the fall, looking like a grub or some kind of human-faced caterpillar. Alicia tried to cut through it with raw lightning, channeling every ounce of Mana she could scrape up through her wand.


    She experienced a moment of blinding pain as the bearded inquisitor slammed his foot down on her broken wrist before prying the wand out of her hand.


    ¡°AAAGH!¡± Munasei, stop distracting me!


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Paul, do the thing!¡±


    ¡°working on it,¡± Paul growled through the microphone as Garth watched the second Inquisitor rejoin the first, not wearing his armor, and clutching his wounded side. ¡°How was I supposed to know they¡¯d start flying?¡±


    She really made them pay for it, Garth thought as he inspected the two wounded Inquisiors. If it had been a one-on-one fight, she would have won the moment she took the drugs.


    So proud of my little classless monster.


    ¡°Hurry up, hurry up¡­¡± Garth said as they patched their wounds and made to bundle her up and start limping back to base.


    ***Alicia***


    She was considering trying her teeth on the summoned chains, when Aunt Maggie appeared out of a side alley, trailing Benedette and Kyle.


    My three favorite people all in one place, Alicia thought, eyes narrowing. If there was any time to pull the strange core out of her storage, it was now.


    ¡°Sweetie, I¡¯ll do everything I can to help you get released, you just need to cooperate with them,¡± Maggie said, smiling gently as she walked towards her. Aunt Maggie¡¯s favorite ring, a gaudy piece of work with a strong poison hidden in it, was spun backwards on her finger, presumably so she could put some on her thumb and rub it in a cut or in Alicia¡¯s mouth.


    Just get a little closer, you bitch, and I¡¯ll fry everyone here, starting with you. She had seen what Garth could do with the golden orb things. It was a shame there had only been one. She didn¡¯t know where the others went, but one should be plenty.


    ¡°Ma¡¯am,¡± the bearded one said, standing between the two of them. ¡°I think it¡¯s better if you don¡¯t approach her.¡± he said sternly, taking a pointed glance at Maggie¡¯s hand. Maggie smiled and nodded.


    Her tells were pretty well hidden, but Alicia knew she was seething on the inside. Alicia was too.


    I don¡¯t want her to be upset, I want her dead!


    Alicia summoned the golden orb into her hand and tried to draw mana through it to create lightning and incinerate the woman responsible for every misery she¡¯d endured.


    Everything went white.


    ¡­.


    There were distant sounds, but they barely registered. Voices down a long hallway.


    ¡­¡­.


    Alicia felt someone pry the thing away from her hand. She forgot if that was important or not.


    There was a strange tickling, itching sensation beneath her nose, at the corners of her eyes, in her ears.


    She couldn¡¯t seem to pin any single thought down. They were like slippery eels, impossible to hold onto, blending in with the other squirming thoughts under the surface, and not giving you the bread you were looking for.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°You sure putting a Mythic Core where she could find it was a good idea?¡±  Mrs. Banyan asked. ¡°Because to me it seems callous and wildly ill-advised.¡±


    ¡°Noted, watch the artistry unfold.¡±


    Alicia was lying on the ground, bleeding from the nose, eyes and ears, but her eyes were still moving a little, her hand twitching. She had been strong enough to not die instantly, and  the Garth Baller special in her system was rapidly fixing the damage.


    Probably.


    ¡°I¡¯m in position.¡± Paul said.


    ¡°Deliver the package.¡±


    ***Alicia***


    Alicia was starting to recover, the sounds were still dim, but the meaning behind them was becoming clear.


    ¡°Keep pressure on it!¡± the Bearded Inquisitor shouted, kneeling in the corner of her vision, clamping his hand above the younger one¡¯s severed foot. There was a glowing spider web of white-hot stone that seemed to emanate from around Alicia.


    Luckily she wasn¡¯t lying in any of it, but her face was staring into a thick line of white hot stone bit about three inches away. she could feel the heat on her cheeks.


    People were screaming, she could hear that distantly. Alicia noticed the lines of hot stone acutally went up the sides of buildings, too, but they seemed to have just ceased to exist, tearing through the wood walls in the characteristic pattern of lightning.


    Lightning. I can make lightning.


    Did I make this?


    The fog was slowly lifting. She remembered she was in a fight, she fell, and then¡­


    Maggie appeared above her.


    ¡°Oh, sweetheart, are you all right?¡± she asked, wiping a bit of blood off Alicia¡¯s split eyebrow with her thumb.


    Something about that registered as a bad thing.


    Her aunt had the look she got when she was winning.


    Poison. She poisoned me.


    SHE POISONED ME!


    Alicia¡¯s clarity came back quickly and brutally. There was no way she was going to accept an end like this! She had to kill her somehow!


    She struggled against the chains, tried to summon an ounce of mana, but that jjust caused her vision to go white again, causing her whole body to shake with pain.


    ¡°Gah!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll see if I can find someone to help you,¡± Maggie said, swiftly standing and moving away, following the golden rule of poisoning: Don¡¯t get caught standing next to the target holding poison.


    ¡°I¡¯ll kill you!¡± Alicia shouted as she felt her heartbeat become erratic.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you will, my dear.¡± Maggie said, allowing herself a small smile.


    ¡°Hey!¡± the Bearded Inquisitor said, a jagged line of his armor missing to reveal a heavily muscled chest as he approached. ¡°Stand away from her!¡±


    Too late, you dolt, she already got me when you were busy with your friend¡¯s stump. Alicia¡¯s body began to shiver and sweat as the fast acting poison began to make itself noticed. Maggie was already halfway across the street.


    There was a strange hissing, followed by a Crunch of shattering stone, drawing everyone¡¯s attention.


    In the center of the street was a single adamantium bolt. A Crownkiller bolt, with a single sheet of paper wrapped around it.


    Maggie turned pale as the bearded Inquisitor untied the paper and scanned it.


    ¡°Turnabout is fair play


    -E.¡± He spoke aloud.


    ¡°Either of you know what this means?¡± he asked, glancing between Maggie and Alicia.


    Alicia started to chuckle.


    ¡°heh, heheh, hehehehahahHAH!¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare-¡° Maggie started shouting.


    ¡°It¡¯s ours!¡± Alicia said, giggling, shivering and dry-heaving as nausea began to overwhelm her. All the nausea in the world couldn¡¯t dampen her spirits ¡°It¡¯s made by the Dentons! We steal Adamantium off the books, make them and sell them to the Prima Regula and whoever else wants them for a huge profit!¡±


    Crownkiller bolts were 95% lead, and paid for as if they were entirely adamantium, netting the producers a huge profit. Creating them was an offense punishable by death, not just of the person involved, but their entire family.


    The Inquisitor¡¯s gaze traveled between the two of them, and she saw him make the connection.


    Maggie knew it too. Her veneer of civility sloughed off, and she snarled like a cornered animal before turning and sprinting away, her dress ripping along the sides as she presumably ran to cover up their family¡¯s misdeeds, or perhaps simply try to escape the city.


    ¡°I told you I¡¯d kill you, you¡­¡± Alicia fought through a wave of disorienting spinning. ¡°bitch!¡± It wasn¡¯t as personal as she¡¯d hoped, but Maggie was marked, now. she¡¯d either die in a gutter or drawn and quartered in the capital.


    Nobles can live a long time while being split in half.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get an official statement back at the precinct,¡± The bearded one said, pulling the armor enchantment off her back and removing her Status Band.


    ¡°Suck my cock.¡± Alicia muttered. Suddenly losing the Status band meant losing its boost to her Endurance, the only thing barely keeping her awake. She blacked out.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°That was exciting and all, but don¡¯t they have a Mythic Core now?¡± Mrs. Banyan asked.


    Garth paused putting popcorn in his face.


    ¡°Oooh, that¡¯s why I did that.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Well I was wondering why I let her take one. It¡¯s not for her, it¡¯s for the Inquisitors. It¡¯s the bait.¡±


    ¡°Explain.¡±


    ¡°The letter I sent earlier might have some draw, but if they get reports that someone is handing out Mythic cores to eighteen-year-old girls like candy, that¡¯s gonna turn some heads. It¡¯s my bait. To get a reaction.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t get it.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 184: Munasei, Leave me Be

    ¡°Where am I?¡± Alicia asked, glancing around the pitch black emptiness she suddenly found herself in. There was a floor, so that was good, but it was invisible. Or merely the same color black as everything else.


    She could see herself with perfect clarity though, so there had to be light. She didn¡¯t seem wounded, either. As a matter of fact, she wasn¡¯t even wearing the same clothes¡­She was wearing her favorite shirt that was destroyed a year ago.


    How on Earth am I here, wearing clothes that no longer exist¡­unless¡­


    ¡°Am I dead?¡± she wondered aloud. Her voice reached out into silence.


    ¡°You are not.¡± Came a rumbling voice.


    Alicia suppressed a yelp as a table that formed a circle around her materialized from nowhere. Around it were five giants, the likes of which she¡¯d never seen. Gods?


    On the right was a black haired woman with sparkling crimson lips, in a dress that shone like liquid, so tight that it concealed absolutely nothing.


    Sitting beside her was a white-haired man wearing a billowing grey robe made of clouds flickering with electricity. His hair was uneaven and frayed, even burned in some places. He had an intense look to him, almost glaring.


    To the left of Alicia was a brown skinned, green haired woman with the biggest breasts Alicia had ever seen, as if someone had asked how much, and the only answer was ¡®yes.¡¯ She was wearing massive green leaves, and waving excitedly like a Garthspawn at her child¡¯s soccer game.


    Beside that one was a thin woman wearing full light armor and a sneer. Her hair was blond, hacked off below her ears, and she wore no makeup or jewelry.


    The thing that really stole her attention though, was the monstrosity sitting in front of her. A fleshy thing with eyes, mouths and talons constantly erupting from it, only to die back down and rejoin that main mass. She could feel it looking at her, even if its eyes were constantly changing.


    How does it even sit in a chair? She thought.


    ¡°With great patience.¡± A buzzing voice echoed through the darkness.


    ¡°Good afternoon, Alicia, You¡¯ve come here to petition a Patron, and we are the ones who find you interesting and have no qualms about your¡­pedigree.¡±


    ¡°My Pedigree?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Patron?¡± None of this made any sense.


    The thin blonde woman closed her eyes for a moment.


    ¡°Her master didn¡¯t tell her what the amulet was for,¡± she said with a mean smile.


    ¡°Alicia, Alicia, over here!¡± the brown woman with grossly exaggerated features called as she continued to wave. No woman could possibly be that voluptuous.


    ¡°That¡¯s mean.¡± She muttered, frowning for an instant before brightening again.


    ¡°I came in case you didn¡¯t get any attention, but it looks like I worried for nothing.¡± She said with a smile. ¡°You¡¯re being offered an apostleship by four different gods! Isn¡¯t it exciting!?¡±


    ¡°Apostle¡­ship?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°but that¡¯s¡­from the age of the fall of man¡­legends. They don¡¯t exist anymore.¡±


    ¡°I feel like I exist.¡± The ruby lipped¡­goddess said, sucking on some kind of sweet.


    ¡°Who are all of you?¡±


    ¡°Beladia! Goddess of Hearth, nature, Love and Fertility! I¡¯m just here to make sure my apostle¡¯s new lover gets a Patron.¡±


    Alicia chose to ignore the ¡®lover¡¯ bit.


    ¡°Stacy. Goddess of Vengeance and the scorned.¡± The armored blonde woman said. ¡°You did whatever it took to give them what was coming to them. With my help you could make it stick.¡±


    ¡°Kuragor, God of Chaos, Mutability, Perversion, and Rebirth.¡± The blob of flesh said in its disconcerting voice. ¡°I advocate reinvention of the self. You have done that admirably.¡±


    ¡°Gorn, God of Storms.¡± The white haired man shrouded in cloud said. ¡°I enjoyed your amateurish display of lightning and clouds, and I wish to see that talent nutured.¡±


    The black-haired woman in the tight dress popped the candy out of her mouth long enough to speak, ¡°Munasei, Goddess of lust.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯m just happy to be here.¡±


    Of course she is, Alicia thought, glancing over the tasteless dress and overbearing lipstick. This only seemed to make Munasei smile wider. It didn¡¯t help that despite all this, Alicia couldn¡¯t help but be aroused by her. Probably using some wicked magic.


    ¡°Why are you here then? I didn¡¯t do anything that would impress you.¡± she demanded.


    ¡°You prayed to me?¡± Munasei said with a grin.


    ¡°No I¡­¡± Alicia recalled the thousands of times she¡¯d technically prayed to the goddess. Munasei, leave me be! ¡°Damnit.¡±


    ¡°So what¡¯s happening, how does this work?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Choose one of us,¡± The blob of flesh buzzed again. ¡°And we will give you power fitting an apostle. And¡­¡± The thing formed several warped noses like pits in it¡¯s flesh. It breathed in, sending shivers up her spine as she felt it taste her.


    ¡°And a Class. Yes, that is why you are here.¡±


    ¡°Oooh, a blank slate. I¡¯m interested.¡± Munasei said, leaning forward intently.


    Alicai thought for a moment, and something kept bothering her.


    ¡°What was that about my pedigree?¡± she asked. ¡°My family line?¡±


    ¡°Your Master¡¯s Master is a rather polarizing individual. A persona non-grata among Kolath¡¯s clique.¡± Kuragor buzzed. ¡°Which I care nothing for.¡±


    ¡°Same.¡± Stacy said.


    ¡°I owe him for a couple¡­¡± Munasei coughed into her hand. ¡°Favors.¡±


    ¡°Me too.¡± Beladia said, nodding.


    Gorn just crossed his arms, tiny bolts of lightning travelling through his cloudy clothes.


    ¡°So, what kind of apostle will I be?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got a lot of potential. Choose me,¡± Munasei said, leaning forward and deliberately squishing her breasts up on the table. ¡°You¡¯ll be irresistible.¡±


    I¡¯m offended she even thinks that would work on me, Alicia thought, staring at the cleavage.


    ¡­.


    ¡°Ahem,¡± Stacy cleared her throat, allowing Alicia to tear her attention away from Munasei. Is this what men feel like all the time? What a horrifying thought.


    ¡°My blessings include enhanced scrying, an intuitive knowledge of who deserves vengeance, and a powerful boost to fire magic, for the purpose of smiting.¡±


    Ooh, I like smiting.


    ¡°My blessings are a malleable form, enhanced durability, Corruption aura, and Flesh-shaping magics.¡± Kuragor spoke.


    That¡¯s¡­really weird. I don¡¯t like the sound of any of those things.


    Kuragor faded from his seat as soon as she had that thought.


    ¡°I offer Quickening, Lightning resistance, Enhanced Weather Magic, and a Voice of Thunder. With a class built to suit, you could fly and release your lightning as naturally as breathing. No more relying on that stick.¡±


    Gorn made a convincing argument.


    ¡°If you choose me, you could have-¡° Munasei started.


    ¡°I choose Gorn.¡± Alicia interrupted the goddess. Munasei narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.


    Stacy scowled and vanished. Alicia wasn¡¯t interested in living for vengeance the rest of her life. That sounded exhausting. She might have been vengeful in the moment, but staying that way forever? Not her cup of tea.


    ¡°Bye, have fun!¡± Beladia said, waving before she winked out of existance, leaving only Munasei and Gorn.


    ¡°Which of my blessings do you wish for?¡± Gorn asked. ¡°Each after the first will cost you five points from an attribute of your choice. There¡¯s no need to be overly concerned though, as your limits are about to increase greatly.¡±


    ¡°The first three.¡± Alicia said. ¡°I don¡¯t particularly feel the need to shout. Take five points each from Senses and Strength.¡±


    ¡°As you wish,¡± Gorn said, holding out a finger.


    A bolt of lightning leapt from his hand and slammed into Alicia¡¯s chest sending searing pain out from her heart, through every nerve in her body. The pain rushed to her head and flooded her body with a wave of powerful adrenaline that tingled everywhere, forcing a tiny moan from between her lips.


    Nobody heard that. The lightning is too loud, too bright to see through.


    Munasei raised a brow, resting her chin on her palm as she watched the show. Her lips curled into a mischievous smile.


    A few seconds later the bolt of lightning fizzled out, seemingly being drawn into Alicia¡¯s chest. She hadn¡¯t noticed the bolt lift her into the air, and Alicia was startled when she dropped to the ground, panting, her arms and legs shivering with an overabundance of adrenaline.


    ¡°Now, for your Class,¡± Gorn said, lifting his hand again, only to have his cloud-sleeve caught by Munasei.


    ¡°Gorn, can I talk to you for a minute, over there?¡± She asked, pointing into the darkness.


    No. A shiver of dread went up Alicia¡¯s spine. No, this can¡¯t be good.


    Gorn, the white haired, stoic god of storms blushed.


    ¡°Of course, Munasei.¡± He said. Alicia tried to interrupt, tried to say something, but her body was practically a quivering mass, completely unable to move.


    They can read my thoughts, though, right? Get back here! Don¡¯t listen to that slut!


    Munasei glanced over her shoulder and winked. She guided Gorn into the darkness beyond the range of Alicia¡¯s sight. As she walked away from the desk, Alicia could see that the goddess of lust¡¯s dress split around her hips, leaving her backside completely exposed.


    Munasei, leave me be!


    Together they faded into the blackness surrounding them, and Alicia desperately struggled to recover from the bolt of lightning to the chest, her limbs ever so slowly regaining their strength. Too slowly.


    One minute became two, then three.


    Alicia was trying to stand by dragging herself to her feet, leaning on the giant¡¯s table when her wobbling legs wouldn¡¯t support her weight, when an explosion of lightning pulsed outward from the darkness in a wave of crackling energy, knocking Alicia down again. It was shortly followed by another, and another, each diminishing in strength.


    Then a steady wave of lighting washed over everything and stayed there, crackling with power for a good thirty seconds before it receded. The bolts of power didn¡¯t seem to hurt Alicia, though. Maybe the Lightning resistance was already in effect.


    Alicia was crawling to her feet again when she spotted Munasei walking back from the darkness.


    The Goddess of Lust was carefully reapplying her lipstick, her raven hair standing up straight, three feet in the air, with tiny blue sparks travelling between the strands. Perfectly composed, she took her seat and ran her hand through her hair, collecting the sparks on her hand and shaking it off like water, causing her hair to fall perfectly back into place.


    In a second, it was like nothing had ever happened.


    ¡°Gorn has something to tell you.¡± She said with a smile.


    The ancient storm deity staggered into the light, adjusting his cloud-pants. There was lipstick on his cheek, and neck¡­and Alicia suspected lower as well.


    ¡°Munasei and I have had a¡­discussion about your class, and she had some suggestions for alterations that might suit you better than I could do alone, so she¡¯s going to help out.¡±


    ¡°You bastard!¡± Alicia groaned, climbing to her feet. ¡°How can you just hand control over to her!?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m the god of storms, not the god of celibacy, or resisting temptation.¡± Gorn muttered. The desk ceased to exist, and Alicia tumbled to the ground again, her support lost.


    ¡°Here,¡± Munasei murmered, her towering form sitting down beside Alicia and scooping her up like an errant cat to sit in her lap. This close, the giant goddess smelled amazing, and the way she felt was like a bed in the middle of a daydream, sending a listless pleasure through Alicia¡¯s entire body. Munasei was soft.


    ¡°let me show you what we decided on.¡± Munasei whispered, setting her fingers on Alicia¡¯s temples.


    Alicia felt a door open in her mind that she had never realized was there. Behind that door was a being of pure light, that stepped into her mind, sending tendrils throughout her entire being. Building, rearranging, fixing, adding. Never subtracting.


    Tears began to stream down her cheeks as something metallic and warped inside her was ironed out, polished and reinforced.


    Gorn stooped in front of her, and pressed his finger to her forehead, and another being stepped through the doorway, and suddenly there were two cosmic entities rummaging through her very essence, working together to create something¡­strange out of her.


    Alicia felt full, like her head was stuffed with far too much, and if she untensed her tightened jaw, raw deity would come shooting out of her nose. She knew it was illogical, but that¡¯s how it felt. She could feel parts of her¡­changing, as the pressure built.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­¡± Alicia choked out the words past the mind-boggling power that assaulted her senses. ¡°going to stay me?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± Munasei said from inside her, the words ringing through her body like a bell. Alicia let out a gasp of relief.


    A few minutes later the white beings left her mind, and for an instant she was lonelier than she¡¯d ever been before. Life had no meaning compared to that sensation.


    ¡°There there,¡± Munasei said, petting Alicia¡¯s limp body in her lap. ¡°That¡¯s why we don¡¯t generally do the Class Imprint ourselves. You¡¯ll feel better in a minute.¡±


    It was true. A few minutes later, enough of Alicia¡¯s mind had come back to push herself out of Munasei¡¯s lap, grumbling all the while about seductresses.


    Gorn nodded and disappeared, leaving Alicia alone with Munasei as she brought herself to her feet.


    ¡°I do hope you¡¯ve relaxed enough to choose me next time.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve felt what you can do.¡± Alicia said. ¡°Couldn¡¯t you just make me want to?¡±


    ¡°Where¡¯s the fun in that?¡± She winked at Alicia again and vanished.


    Freaking¡­Just ¡®cuz I like¡­bah. Alicia had lived her entire life with a shameless slut, and following in her footsteps was not high on her priority list. Not anymore.


    You don¡¯t have to be the same kind as Maggie. You don¡¯t have to be mean about it.


    Nope, not thinking about that. Instead, let¡¯s think about how to get out of here.


    Alicia looked around the darkness.


    ¡°Is this supposed to end, or¡­¡±


    The darkness around her popped like a bubble and Alicia found herself falling through space, tugged back to her body, she could instinctively feel its presence waiting for her.


    Ah, so I¡¯ll be back to my body in a couple seconds, Now all I have to worry about is the fact that I¡¯m captured by Inquisitors and quite possibly going to have no memories of the last couple months. No big deal.


    Something caught her, arresting her gentle fall back to her body.


    Something made of flesh.


    Alicia glanced down at the flesh-net she found herself in, squirming around her in a way that set her hairs on end.


    ¡°What the hell is this!?¡± she tugged on the net that began to flow around her. Suddenly the rest of the scenery came into focus, and her stomach turned. Everywhere she looked was a hellscape of shifting flesh that threatened to consume her.


    ¡°Welcome, Apostle of Gorn,¡± Kuragor said, his voice buzzing from everywhere at once, hurting her ears. ¡°I have no Faith on Earth, so I would like for you to relay a message to my Apostle.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s of no consequence to you.¡± A shiny black talon formed out of the ceiling and pressed itself to her forehead, and suddenly she felt her entire body resonate so hard she felt like she¡¯d crumble to pieces.


    ¡°I am bored.¡±


    ....


    ¡°Garth.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 185: Omnipresent Supergalactic Oneness!

    ¡°Ohm¡­¡±


    ¡°Ohm¡­¡±


    ¡°Ohm¡­¡±


    Dr. Daniels was in the lotus position, doing his best to clear his mind, trawling through his thoughts and feelings. Every time he caught a bit of foreign matter, he scooped it out and tossed it into his mind-basket.


    Eight hundred years after he ate Chicago for being rude, he was still picking a bit of jaggoff out of his brain every now and then.


    As it turns out, eating people and absorbing their memory did make you crazy. So he had turned his attention to mastering his own mind. He needed mental control on an industrial scale, so he sought out the last remaining masters of Zen meditation¡­and ate them.


    That hadn¡¯t helped as much as he hoped it would.


    Still, in the following eight hundred years, he¡¯d become very proficient in isolating and containing stray bits of other people. He did it by cobbling pieces together into functional people and then turning them off, making them go dormant inside him.


    Dr. D had the distinct impression Kuragor had wanted him to fail spectacularly and turn into a mindless mass of shifting flesh which the god would then add to his mass. There was no evidence for it, just a gut feeling about what lay at the end of the path for him if he went on a rampage and consumed planets willy-nilly.


    God wants to watch me crash and burn? Wants to eat me? I¡¯ll eat him back. I¡¯ll attain humility, spiritual-ness, and Omnipresent Supergalactic Oneness just to spite him. That¡¯ll show the fucker.


    He wasn¡¯t really going to eat Kuragor, though. It didn¡¯t escape his notice how similar the two were already, and there was every possibility that, upon consuming the deity, he would become him, which would be the height of stupidity.


    I ain¡¯t nobody¡¯s paradox bitch!


    He Z-snapped.


    Huh, there¡¯s another chunk from a black woman¡­feels young. I¡¯ll add it to Shayan.


    Basket full, Dr. Daniels closed his eyes and entered his Mind-Warehouse, far less snobby than a Mind-Palace.


    He stepped into the darkness of his Mind-Warehouse and flicked the light switch next to the door. They popped on with the sound that high powered industrial lights make, the kind you see at a Costco or a professional pot-growing operation.


    The pale light revealed row upon row of people standing in formation with their eyes closed, in varying states of opacity. Most of the people in the back were completely solid, and the ones toward the front were mostly transparent. Thousands of them


    Shayan, the sassy young black girl he¡¯d been building from spare parts was closer to the front, but mostly solid, since he¡¯d found a lot of pieces for her recently. She was standing between Gary, the stupid, compensating, middle aged white man with a pedo mustache and an enormous beer gut, and Marianne, the slutty, slutty, frog-faced woman with a strange pear shape.


    Dr. Daniels pulled the z-snap out of his mind-basket, filled with bits and pieces of people he¡¯d eaten, and put the little nub of Z-snap to Shayan¡¯s chest. The piece sank in, and she got a little bit more solid.


    In my head, playing with my dolls again, Dr. Daniels thought to himself, taking a step back and putting his hands on his hips, surveyed the tens of thousands of minds in his collection.


    It¡¯s all coming together. He got back to putting together his people, plucking traits and beliefs and experiences out of his basket and putting them where they fit. In the beginning he¡¯d made bimbos, sex kittens, chiseled super-heroes, and dashing rogues, but it had gotten stale quickly. Nowadays he liked putting a lot of detail and craftsmanship into his lifelike creations, editing and fitting disparate memories and thoughts together as seamlessly as possible, such that they could operate independently if they had to, with no inkling that they were artificial.


    Suddenly Dr. Daniels was wrenched out of his creative glow when he felt Kuragor ping him through another Apostle. Damn union rules.


    I am bored. The voice rang through his mind like thunder, violently shaking his Mind-warehouse and causing the lights in the ceiling to swing around precariously.


    His puppet¡¯s faces alternated between light and shadow as the lamps swung above them, making their features seem like they were writhing back and forth, changing, shifting¡­


    As one, their eyes opened and fixed on Dr. Daniels.


    ¡°I thought I told you never to call me on this line.¡±


    ¡°Garth.¡± They spoke as one, sending a wave of formless energy through him.


    ¡°Ayup.¡±


    ¡°I am bored. I do not care if you plan to oppose me or not, but do something already.¡±


    Dr. Daniels glanced around the warehouse and checked his basket. Seems clean enough. He could probably stand to consume another army or two, since he¡¯d mostly finished digesting the previous handful.


    ¡°You gonna try to eat me?¡±


    ¡°Only if you spiral out of control. It is one of a god¡¯s tasks, to keep our followers in check.¡±


    ¡°Huh. And you¡¯re absolutely, definitely, not a future version of me that got catapulted into the past or anything are you?¡±


    ¡°I cherish your imagination, Garth.¡±


    ¡°I noticed a distinct lack of denial.¡±


    ¡°The west has become a Powder keg. I wish to see it ignited.¡±


    ¡°Of course you do.¡± Guess I could say hi to Leanne and see how the kids are doing while I accidentally a war.


    ¡°How about, as a totally chaotic, random thing, I go and defuse aforementioned powder keg?¡±


    ¡°Jim and Dragus will be humiliated.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Well, why didn¡¯t you say so?¡± Dr. Daniels said, rolling up his sleeves. ¡°Transform and roll out.¡±


    ***Tibet***


    Neil Yao carried Master Fuk Mi¡¯s chamber pot back from where he¡¯d tossed the contents and scrubbed it fresh for the new day. The icy wind outside had ripped away any Zen that he might have cultivated, leading to a hurried scraping of the poop-water followed by a quick rinse before he jumped back inside the monastery, his nipples aching from the cold.


    Once he was back inside, he slowed down to a serene walk, constantly trying to temper his mind. Constant awareness, especially of yourself, was what the master taught, guiding generation after generation of students to enlightenment.


    It was rumored that the man was old beyond words, as the most aged of the master¡¯s disciples would often mention anecdotes from their predecessors going back at least a hundred years. In all that time, the Master hadn¡¯t aged a day.


    Not to say he wasn¡¯t ancient.


    Neil glanced over at the Master, in a perfect lotus, contemplating the universe. His deep, resonating voice washed over the other students and instilled a sense of tranquility as he chanted.


    One day, I will find the peace that these men have achieved, Neil thought to himself. His parents had fled to the West before the influence of the Mississippi empire reached the coast, seeking shelter from their tyranny across the ocean.


    His mother and Neil had dived into the culture head first, but his father refused to learn more than the bare minimum to live in their new home, and often spoke English at home, making Neil one of the few people in the monastery who could speak it.


    This fact had never been an issue before today.


    The ancient, gnarled Master, Fuk Mi sat motionless in the lotus position in the center of the room, surrounded by his pupils who hung on every word of his timeless wisdom.


    As Neil was passing by, moving to the next elder¡¯s bedroom, the Master¡¯s steady chant changed, drawing the attention of every one of his devoted pupils.


    Fuk Mi began to writhe in place, his voice becoming a shrill wail, sending a lance of panic through Neil and everyone present. Startled, his followers crowded around him, looking for any way they could help. The old man clutched his head and gave out pained, full throated screams.


    ¡°Master! What is wrong?¡± one of the elder monks spoke.


    They saw the old man shiver and swallow back another scream¡­


    ¡°My children¡­I have one final piece of wisdom to impart on you¡­come closer.¡± He panted, groaning in pain.


    The disciples crowded even closer around him.


    ¡°Get everyone, everyone gather around.¡±


    A runner went off to get the rest of the monks who were off cooking, doing laundry, etc.


    In a matter of minutes the entire monastery was gathered around Master Fuk Mi, all thirty-six members holding back their tears, eagerly awaiting their master¡¯s wisdom and at the same time dreading the last time they would ever hear him speak.


    ¡°Everyone¡¯s here,¡± he said, panting as he glanced around. ¡°Good, then these are my final words for you.¡±


    He drew a wheezing, shuddering breath and held out his hand, extending his gnarled, bony, trembling index finger.


    ¡°Pull my finger.¡±


    The elders seemed confused, but one of the younger monks did as he said, popping the ancient man''s knuckle.


    Fuk Mi¡¯s skin turned translucent for an instant, revealing something squirming around inside him.


    In front of the stunned monks, the gnarled master distended outward, then exploded in a tangle of viscera, coating each and every one of them in a bucketful of skin, blood and guts.


    Neil reeled back and spat, then began to panic as the blood began squirming out of his mouth, dripping to the floor with a mind of its own.


    By all the gods! Neil thought with his dad¡¯s favorite exclamation, retching on the floor.


    The shouting got stronger, and Neil glanced over to see people climbing out of Fuk mi¡¯s chest, all the while the Master¡¯s head howled with a sound that set the hairs on Neil¡¯s neck straight up.


    He and the other monks scrambled backward, their bulging eyes the only part of their faces that weren¡¯t


    First was a curvaceous woman wearing a confident smile followed by a man a bigger cock, more muscle than Neil¡¯d ever seen in his life, and a chiseled jaw. Then there was a series of dozens of women with extremely exaggerated features and balloon-like breasts jiggling in front of them, running the gamut of every race Neil knew of, and some he didn¡¯t. then there was a procession of more and more alien creatures, some far larger than the master himself, tearing their way out of his body with blades that jutted out of their many limbs.


    Then the sexy aliens started climbing out of the old man, in a discernable gradient. Warped creatures made of armor and muscle gradually twisting into shiny black, ribbed beings with pale milky breasts, then worm-like creatures that slithered along on nipple-legs jutting out of hundreds of breasts that ran down the creature¡¯s length.


    Then there were four-segmented, black, chitinous..things that seemed like nothing more than women¡¯s hips stacked on top of each other.


    The wild and creative became eldritch and bizarre, to downright stomach turning, eventually leading Neil to lose his meager breakfast of flatbread and rice as they marched through the slowly rising tide of blood.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Someone said in English, causing Neil to raise his head.


    After the series of monsters parading out of Fuk Mi, came seemingly normal people, aware of their surroundings, looking around and speaking, unlike the single-minded creatures that came before.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t I stop walking?¡±


    ¡°Somebody help me!¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s happening to me!?¡±


    ¡°Mommy!¡±


    Despite their apparent sense of self, they couldn¡¯t stop their forward march as they looked around in sheer terror, and that made Neil¡¯s heart feel like it was going to fall out of his chest. He needed to escape, but his limbs wouldn¡¯t support a ghost, let alone himself.


    Finally, after a few minutes of people streaming out, a pale man of average height, brown hair and blue eyes tugged himself loose from Fuk Mi¡¯s chest. He was the only creature wearing any clothes at all, wearing only a parted, pale leather overcoat that Neil knew was made from human skin.


    The man surveyed the carnage and the shivering, blood covered monks, nodded to himself, and followed the stream of abominations out the massive double doors leading into the snowy mountain peaks.


    Once outside, the stranger turned and closed the monastery''s massive double doors, giving them a sardonic grin.


    Once the door was shut, the silence was complete, and all that was left of the temple¡¯s master was a shredded husk of skin.


    ¡°Fuck me.¡± Neil breathed one of his father¡¯s favorite swears.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 186: Thoughts on Body Modification

    ¡°Those Dimensional traps they¡¯re putting up around her,¡± Garth asked around a mouthful of popcorn. ¡°how good would they be at stopping say, a seventh-tier master of a clan, as a random, nonspecific example?¡±


    ¡°Not at all?¡± Emilio said.


    ¡°Dang. Looks like it has to be context.¡± Garth sighed and stood.


    On the big screen, Alicia was slowly waking up, guarded by three Inquisitors and about to be interrogated by their boss. Things weren¡¯t looking great for her.


    ¡°Shadow.¡±


    The black lab jumped out of his shadow, tail wagging so hard it pulled its butt left and right, whipping across his shins.


    Garth leaned down, hands on his knees.


    ¡°Who¡¯s a goodboi? Who¡¯s a good force of nature!? You are!¡±


    Shadow¡¯s eyes were bugging out, whining and trying to lick him as he pet him.


    ¡°You wanna play ¡®save the princess?¡¯ ya wanna get the princess? Get the princess!?¡±


    Shadow whined, agonized by the delay.


    ¡°You wanna freak out some squares? Wanna give some people night terrors?¡±


    Shadow¡¯s eyes widened and he barked.


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s what I thought.¡± Garth kneeled down and tousled Shadow¡¯s fur, bringing him in for a squeeze. He grabbed shadow¡¯s wiggling head and pointed at the big screen where Alicia was just regaining consciousness, strapped naked to the interrogation table. Dozens of sharp implements were on a table beside her, waiting to be used.


    ¡°See that?¡± he whispered.


    Shadow went completely still.


    ¡°That¡¯s the princess.¡±


    Shadow¡¯s mouth opened, its tongue hanging out as it panted.


    ¡°You wanna get the princess?¡±


    His tail started wagging again.


    ¡°Go get the princess!¡± Garth shouted, standing and pointing.


    Shadow burst into black smoke and vanished.


    ¡°Guess it¡¯s about time I did something too,¡± Garth said, adjusting his pants.


    Teleport


    ***


    The Denton manor hadn¡¯t been touched by the brutal combat, aside from a few flaming pieces of the Campbell manor that had dropped on it, but those hadn¡¯t caught anything.


    No, the fire was coming from inside the building, licking up and out, eager to detroy as much evidence as possible.


    ¡°Pardon me,¡± Garth said, opening the front door and dusting off a spell he hadn¡¯t used in a long time.


    Create water


    I¡¯m not trying to be a dick, Hastia, I just want to get through here without burning off my clothes. I¡¯ll light something on fire in your honor after this. You ever been to Burning Man?


    Garth used his Mana Control to summon three inches of water across every surface of the manor simultaneously. The sudden blast of steam nearly knocked him backwards, but Garth waved the hot air away and proceeded. There were a fair amount of blackened places in the mansion, where the walls and floor had caught fire. They were obviously deliberate.


    Using fire to conceal evidence of crimes. People after my heart.


    Garth whistled as he put a bit of extra water on a few smouldering places, raising his hand and created a Maggie tracking device. The delicate flower sniffed around a bit, then pointed downward at a thirty-degree angle.


    Basement or secret tunnel? He thought, pursing his lips.


    He didn¡¯t want to give away his involvement too much, via tunneling down through the floor straight to them with a plant. That would look bad when people investigate later.


    Even worse than the entire mansion being soggy.


    He didn¡¯t seem to be moving on his Maggie-Tracker, so he probably could afford to spend a couple minutes finding the way down.


    Garth paced around the room, whistling, listening to the acoustics in the room. One hundred and twenty-five Senses was nothing to sneeze at. It was normally something in the back of his head, like white noise, but if he decided to pay attention to it, he could hear the sound coming back to him from the walls.


    I¡¯m the bat-man.


    eventually the sound resonating from one of the walls came back different. It was situated at a dividing wall between two large, open rooms, and it looked like it had a massive load-bearing pillar in the center, decorated with murals, but it sounded¡­


    Garth tapped on the boxy part of wall.


    Yep, hollow.


    Rather than looking for a the secret lever, Garth plunged his arm through the wall and tore the secret door off its hinges. Garth felt the floor buck under his feet, just the tiniest bit.


    That¡¯s not good.


    Garth was able to feel it coming, but he wasn¡¯t quite fast enough to stop the lead-filled adamantium bolt from carving a Saving Private Ryan quality hole through his liver, going all the way through him and embedding itself in the far wall.


    ¡°Goddamnit,¡± Garth muttered, ignoring the pinch in his side and going back to the bolt. He incinerated his blood off the adamantium bolt and anywhere else he could find it. When he finished, he tore the armor piercing death-arrow out of the wall, stowing it away.


    In the meantime, his liver repaired itself, and his blood oozed out of the wound, hardening into a pre-designed resin plate, adding a bit of structural integrity on the spot while it healed.


    If Garth bled everywhere at once, he¡¯d look a little bit like the Guyver.


    Garth grumbled about secret doors and traps as he descended the stairs leading in to the dark bowels of the Denton manor.


    ¡°I¡¯m not the goddamn rogue. Freaking trapped doors and shit. That¡¯s only gonna stop one person! How is that a viable strategy?¡± Garth felt a step sink under his left foot, and a sickle-like blade slammed out of the paper-mache wall and warped against his shin-bone.


    Guess they used steel for that one.


    ¡°I mean, maybe, just maybe, the very idea of a trap can slow people down, assuming they¡¯re afraid of death and dismemberment,¡± Garth said, leaning down to wipe his blood off the sickle.


    Gotta be careful about where my insides go nowadays. I wonder if there¡¯s some kind of spell or enchantment that can keep my insides inside, you know, without making it so I can never piss again.


    One of the stairs refused to bear his weight and tried to sink his foot into a bear trap. Garth was fast enough to pull himself out of that one and continue his amble down the deadly stairs.


    ¡°But really, once people know the whole thing is trapped, it¡¯s no longer a mystery. I guess we¡¯re operating on the assumption that the traps are kind of a last-ditch thing. Either catch an intruder/spy off guard and kill them after they¡¯ve already bypassed every other security measure, then dispose of the body later, or buy enough time for the family to escape via underground tunnels.¡±


    ¡°Self-resetting traps, though. Those are tough to build.¡±


    Garth got to the bottom of the stairs, and felt something brush against the doorway as he walked. He glanced over and saw half a dozen poisoned needles sticking out of his right arm and neck.


    ¡°A for effort, I guess,¡± he said, pulling the needles out.


    The underground portion of the Denton manor was part bolt-hole, part lab, part smithy. You needed heavy duty, specialized equipment to work adamantium, namely jet fuel.


    The room was well lit with magical stones, carved out of the bedrock, with air vents in the floor and ceiling, creating a decent air-exchange. There was a rack full of glass jars full of Swordfish jelly, with tubes connected to a blast furnace where the adamantium was melted, along with several forms to pour it into, an anvil and Adamantium-dipped hammers, along with iron tongs, and a heat-treating oven.


    In the middle of it, Maggie and her brother were directing the quickly moving older Denton children, who were packing up the most essential supplies, and arranging to destroy the most damning evidence.


    ¡°Hello there!¡± Garth called, attracting their attention as he approached. ¡°Bit of a low ceiling isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Garth overlooked the tallest of them, the Denton Patriarch with the beard and the exhausted look, and it made it a little difficult to stand up straight.


    ¡°I had some things I wanted to discuss,¡± he said, pulling a chair away from one of the workbenches and sitting down.


    ¡°Who the hell do you think you are?¡± the patriarch demanded. Garth put him to sleep with a wave of his hand.


    Kyle was starting to edge toward the exit of the room, so Garth put a Force shield in front of it.


    ¡°I think this is the first time we¡¯ve actually talked with each other,¡± Garth said, addressing the woman in the torn and grimy gown. ¡°I mean we met when I gave you the titty-rings for your impudence, but you don¡¯t remember that.¡±


    Oooh, boy, she looks angry.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± she asked, ignoring the bawling children trying to wake up their daddy. Poor guy was absent for all the big decisions in his life lately. Bummer.


    ¡°I wanna express my deepest regret that you chose to pick a fight with someone so far out of your league and my sympathy for the fact that your life is crashing down around your ears. Trust me, I¡¯ve been there.¡± Garth said, trying to keep a straight face.


    ¡°Get to the point.¡±


    ¡°I also want to know what your brilliant backup plan to expose me was if you couldn¡¯t turn me to your side, specifically, what the level of response will be. A lot of attention? A little? What¡¯s the time frame going to look like, and how serious will it be? I¡¯m already committed to this course of action, but knowing exactly how many contributing factors are in play does wonders for my chronic anxiety. So¡­¡±


    Garth lowered his voice.


    ¡°How much are they going to know?¡±


    ¡°You were supposed to be a boy.¡± She gritted through her teeth. ¡°A simple, stupid, horny, boy!¡±


    ¡°I get that a lot.¡±


    ¡°¡­I need a guarantee that I¡¯ll receive your protection.¡± She said.


    ¡°Nope.¡± Garth said jovially.


    ¡°Your guarantee that you won¡¯t harm us.¡± She said.


    ¡°Until you¡¯re out of my sight, and as long as you never come back. I could do that.¡± Garth said, drumming his fingers on the chair.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, narrowing her eyes, obviously deliberating on what to tell him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t hold back, or sugar-coat it. I need to know exactly what you told, and exactly who you told. Believe me, if I found out you lied here, it would be incredibly easy for me to find you again. I¡¯ve got a device that can track anyone whose nipples I¡¯ve pierced.¡±


    Masochists like body modifications, right? I wonder if Alicia would be into it. Oooh, I could split her tongue, I always thought that was hot. I wonder If the concept of tramp stamps still exist, too. Could make a comeback.


    ¡°I forwarded a message to my great uncle in the empire¡¯s Intelligence Division. It has-¡°


    Kyle tried to make a break for the exit, and slammed his nose into the invisible plane of force, knocking himself out with the sheer power behind the blow to his head.


    Garth glanced back up to Maggie.


    ¡°Go on.¡±


    ¡°It has everything we knew about you since you took Alicia out of the Academy¡­Garth.¡±


    Benedette¡¯s eyes widened, glancing back and forth between him and her aunt.


    ¡°Ooh, good guess,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°But I know you didn¡¯t use the G-word in your letter.¡±


    ¡°And why wouldn¡¯t I use your name, Garth?¡± She said the name like a four letter word.


    ¡°Because you wanted maximum response, am I right? along with maximum deniability. You knew if you said that you were confident that a mythological figure was alive and well, bumming around the streets of Santo Descanso in the shape of a teenage boy¡­well, they¡¯d put your letter on the top of the Ignore pile. Then when they found out it was actually me, the empire would kill you for only sending a letter instead of ringing the chapel bells and shouting it from the hilltops.¡±


    ¡°So,¡± Garth said, removing the button sized enchantment that kept him looking human. His skin turned purple in front of their horrified faces.


    ¡°What is actually in the letter?¡±


    Maggie broke down and told him everything. It was a lot of information, and it danced around his identity, but anyone who¡¯d spent any time with him would be able to piece it together. And maybe even a few people who hadn¡¯t. The vengeful detective down the hall being the case in point.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said once Maggie had spilled her guts, coming to a stand. About halfway through he¡¯d spaced out and started thinking about what kind of body modifications would look good on Alicia. ¡°You have my word that I will not harm you in your flight to escape the city, nor will I pursue you as long as you act in good faith.¡±


    ¡°They might be a little harder to convince, though.¡± Garth said pointing at Paul, his tongueless friend, and Ragnar, standing in the narrow tunnel leading to sweet, sweet freedom.


    ¡°Thank you so much for the information, your help being a bitch to your niece, she¡¯s a treasure, and I hope whatever god you worship has a swanky afterlife, Bye.¡±


    ¡°Wai-¡°


    Teleport.


    Garth landed in the practice yard with a rush of displaced air.


    The scrying TV he¡¯d set up had been switched to night-vision mode. Apparently the precinct had gotten a little hectic while he was gone.


    ¡°Take care of business?¡± Mrs. Banyan asked.


    ¡°Yeah, how about you?¡±


    She held an acorn up on her palm.


    ¡°And¡­.¡±


    The acorn was struck from every angle by thin beams of light, exploding from the sudden heat.


    ¡°No damage, either.¡± Mrs. Banyan said, showing him her unblemished hand with a smile.


    ¡°How do you feel about tongue splitting?¡± Garth asked.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 187: Midlife Crisis

    ¡°I think it¡¯s a pathetic midlife crisis where a grown man tries to use his underage girlfriend as a dress-up doll!¡± Garth said. ¡°Can you believe she said that? She was so sweet and innocent eight hundred years ago¡­¡±


    Alicia was below him, still naked, still strapped to the table, a gag in her mouth muffling her shouting. She was glaring at him for some reason.


    ¡°I¡¯m sitting here, baring my feelings, and you¡¯re glaring at me,¡± Garth said, pulling up the interrogator¡¯s chair and putting his feet up on the torture table. ¡°You have any idea how difficult it was to distract all three Inquisitors so we could have this talk?¡±


    They had established a rotation system, and never left her with one person unless there was an emergency. Luckily a living shadow terrorizing the precinct counted as an emergency, so Garth only had to deal with one of them.


    That particular young man was sleeping off some rhino level tranqs.


    ¡°I just think it¡¯s not fair for her to assume this is some kind of unhinged compensation for something. I¡¯m the most stablest guy she knows, ya know?¡±


    Alicia glanced down at the heavy steel straps holding her in place and growled something muffled.


    ¡°Yeah, I was upset about it too.¡±


    She growled louder.


    Okay, that¡¯s probably enough teasing.


    ¡°It had the kernel of truth though.¡± Garth said, staring at the ceiling. So many kernels. He glanced back down at his restrained prot¨¦g¨¦.


    ¡°So on that note, I, out of respect for you as a person, have brought a set of your clothes from the lair.¡±


    Garth stood and took Alicia¡¯s shirt, pants, and undies out of his Status Band and placed them neatly on the chair beside her.


    ¡°And¡­¡± Garth produced a tiny adamantium file with a flourish.


    ¡°I brought you a tiny escape file so you can cut through your bonds on your own and feel pride in your personal accomplishments. Nothing builds confidence like persevering through adversity.¡±


    ¡°MMMMM!¡±


    Okay, maybe now it¡¯s enough teasing.


    With wave of his hand, Garth grew strong weeds in the joints of Alicia¡¯s steel straps, shearing them apart.


    ¡°Or I could just take you home now.¡±


    Amid the clanging of metal falling to the ground, Alicia jumped to her feet and threw her arms around his neck.


    ¡°Oh, okay.¡± Garth said, patting her back. Once again, he had to marvel how small and dainty she felt compared to his new height. He also had to stop his hands from roaming lower. Taking his mind off the perfect buns he could see jutting out behind her as he peered over her shoulder, Garth decided to put his hands to better use unfastening her gag.


    He thumbed the strap on the back of her head, feeling her hair brush against his skin. He fed the strap through the loop and unhooked it before pulling the gag itself out of her mouth. She looked up at him as the leather-bound steel slipped between her crimson lips, her eyes wide and imploring, a perfect moment that seemed to hang in the air¡­


    ¡°Bastard!¡± she punched him in the liver, before recoiling and cradling her hand.


    ¡°Oh yeah, I got shot there earlier this morning.¡± Garth said. ¡°Should flake off in a day or two. Spunk is a good sign though. Get dressed while we talk. As tempting as it is to harass you fresh off a torture slab, I¡¯m desperately trying to prove to myself that this is not a midlife crisis, so I¡¯m going to try to behave like we¡¯re not in a Gor novel.¡±


    Garth turned around and listened to the distinctive sound of ass squeezing into leather pants.


    Senses at one hundred and twenty-five, baby.


    ¡°So, you get a class, and a patron?¡± he asked, facing the wall.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°And¡­¡±


    ¡°And what?¡±


    ¡°What were they?¡± Garth asked. ¡°I¡¯m curious.¡±


    ¡°How did you know to ask?¡± she shot back.


    ¡°Oh, the amulet with the eye on it is a great way of getting attention from the gods. Put it on, do something stupid, and be judged. Anyway, I¡¯m burning with curiosity. What didja get?¡±


    ¡°Not telling.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not telling you. It¡¯s extremely rude to ask someone their class, you know?¡±


    ¡°Oh. How about your deity?¡±


    ¡°Gorn.¡±


    God of storms. That¡¯s not a bad choice. Should be good for flying and nuking people with lightning. I mean, it¡¯s not as versatile and rewarding as plant magic and drugs, but it¡¯s a decent choice. I wonder if her class is lightning based for a double-specialization. If I¡¯m anything to go on, those pay hefty dividends.


    ¡°You done?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    Garth turned around as Alicia finished shrugging her shoulders and tugging the bottom of her shirt. She seemed a little flushed for some reason.


    A gigantic, amorphous black blob with tentacles that grew mouths whispering horrible secrets oozed through the wall and shrank down to a dog before Alicia could even yelp.


    ¡°Did you have fun scaring the bad guys?¡± Garth said, petting Shadow, who was panting with delight, and possibly exhaustion. ¡°Okay, take a break.¡± Shadow sank back into the floor, nestling up against Garth¡¯s shadow, until the two became one.


    ¡°Probably don¡¯t have long until the Inquisitors show up.¡± Garth said. ¡°You good to fly?¡±


    Alicia nodded.


    ¡°Okay. No matter what happens, don¡¯t come back for me. I know you¡¯re besotted, but you¡¯ve gotta stick to the-hey I¡¯m not done!¡± Alicia was already leaving by the time he was halfway through his prepared speech.


    Garth darted out into the hall, stepping on the Inquisitor on the way out.


    Another problem with being six foot six? Dodging was less practical.


    Garth was used to dodging, but when the hallway was only a few feet wide, and there was a girl in it already, it made things complicated.


    On one side of the hall were two Inquisitors, and on the other side was the half-nosed one who could make a Lantern.


    Wonder if I could take all three of them? Garth thought to himself. His need to keep his plant magic under wraps was going to be thoroughly blown when Maggie¡¯s contingency letter was read, anyway.


    ¡°You¡¯re surrounded.¡± The half-nosed one said, forming a Lantern, forcing Garth to do the same as Alicia looked on in interest. ¡°Please¡­don¡¯t go bitching out on us again.¡±


    Garth felt the dimensional lock spells form above them, causing his skin to prickle.


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t dream of it.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re surrounded.¡± One of the cheeky younger Inquisitors said. ¡°Cooperate and we¡¯ll be lenient.¡±


    ¡°Al,¡± Garth said, snagging the back of her pants and drawing her close. ¡°How¡¯s your condition?¡±


    ¡°Honestly? I feel like miles and miles of ass.¡±


    ¡°More for me, then.¡± Garth said, spinning a sphere of telekinetic energy around them.


    First things first. I don¡¯t like being penned in.


    As the Inquisitors were charging forward, casting their spells, Garth unleashed every ounce of pent up energy in his Lantern, expanding it in every direction.


    The Inquisitor¡¯s reflexively cut through the spell with blades of mana, but the walls and ceiling didn¡¯t really have that option.


    The Precinct exploded around them, sending chunks of the building violently in every direction.


    The light of the afternoon sun broke through the dust in a matter of seconds, but Garth was far too busy to admire it.


    The three enemies hadn¡¯t even been slowed down by his spell. The High Inquisitor, aware of Garth¡¯s superior Lantern-work, hung back and worked support, shooting chains and bolts of steel at them.


    Garth whipped his hand forward and caught the ranged attacks on a shield of ironwood, while sending branches shooting out of the ground to attack the other two.


    ¡°Stand on my foot.¡± Garth said, holding his foot out. Alicia did so.


    ¡°Be free!¡± He said, kicking upwards, sending her sailing upward, out of the range of his dense, mana-stripping Lantern.


    Alicia squawked for a moment, arms waving in midair, before she caught herself, and began limping toward the west. Garth called it limping because it was far slower than she should be able to fly.


    Doy. He almost smacked his forehead. Last time he¡¯d overused a Mythic core in a similar way, he¡¯d been far worse off than Alicia looked right now. She was probably just using her inborne female ability to hide discomfort. Is that sexist?


    Probably a good thing I didn¡¯t act like a total creep. Thank you Mrs. Banyan.


    Garth waited until she¡¯d gone some thirty feet away and pushed off the ground, flying straight up into the air.


    Fusillade.


    Garth conjured thousands of tiny, self-propelled ironwood rockets, and aimed them at the men standing below him.


    Half-nose¡¯s eyes widened as the cloud of ash resolved into a storm of arrows pelting down towards him.


    While they were busy hunkering under their Force shields, Garth took a moment to assess Alicia¡¯s situation. Still limping along.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna give you a booster!¡± he shouted.


    ¡°What?¡±


    Garth created a bicycle-sized rocket that strapped itself to her back by thin wooden tendrils, then lit it. A pure blue flame came out of the back of the rocket, and Garth saw Alicia¡¯s eyes widen a second before the thrust truly started in earnest.


    Alicia¡¯s screaming form disappeared into the distance, toward L.A.


    Mrs. Banyan can catch her. Or maybe Alicia can catch herself. Idunno. I¡¯m sure she¡¯ll be fine.


    Garth briefly considered doing the same for himself, but dismissed it. He wanted to give these inquisitors a reason to call the big guns, or none of him blowing his cover and acting like an idiot would pay any dividends. He needed them to come, and he needed them on time.


    He ducked beneath a conjured steel bolt, then flew back down to the ground, surveying the wreckage of the police station. Thankfully, having shadow run amok as a nightmare-beast had caused both the precinct, and the block to be abandoned, allowing for minimal casualties.


    Except for the woman¡¯s hand sticking out from underneath the rubble over there, Garth thought with a pang of guilt.


    He swooped down to see Gloria Pendleton lying under the rubble, in surprisingly good condition for being directly exposed to that much power. It was her inhuman Endurance that had kept her mostly lucid as a drop of blood crawled down her temple.


    ¡°Edward¡­¡± She breathed, her eyes focusing on him and a smile forming on her lips. ¡°I knew you¡¯d come for me.¡± She bore obvious signs of torture. A few missing fingernails, some cuts, lots of blood and salted wounds.


    Garth resisted the urge to suck in a breath through his teeth.


    Ah shit, I forgot about Gloria.


    ¡°That¡¯s right, babe,¡± Garth said. ¡°I couldn¡¯t leave you here by yourself.¡±


    ¡°Are we running away together?¡± she asked, her eyes unfocusing again.


    Damn, she¡¯s out of it. Garth was responsible for getting this woman caught up in his schemes, and that gave him a tiny pang of guilt in the pit of his stomach.


    No reason I can¡¯t help her out here.


    ¡°In a manner of speaking. Lemme just-¡°


    A bolt took Garth in the back and sent him tumbling end over end, then its hooks flared out and sank into his flesh, dragging him through the destroyed police station by a conjured chain.


    ¡°Gimme a sec,¡± Garth groaned as Gloria watched him get dragged past her, her brows furrowed in concussed confusion.


    Garth pushed himself off the ground, whipped around and channeled mana to create a burst of wood to tear open one of the chain¡¯s links, arresting his road-haul.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, pushing the barbed bolt the rest of the way through his body and tossing it aside clean as the Inquisitors watched in disbelief. ¡°You guys done pissed me off.¡±


    ***Alicia***


    Alicia clawed at the air that had become a force so strong she couldn¡¯t open her eyes or breathe, slamming against it with more speed than she¡¯d ever thought possible.


    I¡¯m gonna die. This is how my life ends.


    Alicia muscled past that fatalistic thought and tried to tug the wooden tendrils off her shoulders and chest, where they held her securely to Garth¡¯s phallic¡­speed¡­thing.


    Unfortunately, the damn things had the same sturdiness of all of the ancient wizard¡¯s creations, and wouldn¡¯t budge at her insistent tugging. She shielded her mouth long enough to take a breath and got back to work.


    In the course of bringing her clothes, he¡¯d never thought to bring her a weapon, so she was stuck using her bare hands to try and saw the roots stronger than iron away from her body.


    This isn¡¯t working, she thought with a tight-lipped scowl.


    Let¡¯s try mana. Flying had been painful and difficult, but the only way she was going to free herself from the bonds was with magic.


    Alicia shielded her mouth, took a deep breath, and focused on drawing mana in.


    Weather Mana seemed to be the only mana that paid any heed to her in her weakened state, so she pulled in everything she could, concentrating it into her fingertips.


    Over the howling of the wind, she heard the crackling of lightning, and felt it dancing on her fingertips.


    Her fingers began to ache deliciously, reminding her of the very specific pain in her mouth when she was really hungry and smelled something so good that it made her drool. Tingles spread, raising the hair on her forearms. It was an odd sort of pain.


    Alicia ignored it, pressing her crackling fingertips to the wood. After a few seconds, the roots fell free, then she did the other shoulder.


    Once both shoulders were free, Alicia began burning through the root wrapped around her waist, keeping her spine as straight as possible so the sheer weight of the air rushing past her didn¡¯t fold her in half.


    A few seconds later, she felt a jolt and a wash of heat blow past her as she tumbled free of the flying penis. I¡¯m pretty sure that¡¯s what it is. Why not make something normal, like a bird?


    With a grunt, Alicia stabilized herself in midair, then opened her eyes.


    She was about five hundred feet above Garth¡¯s city. She glanced over her shoulder and spotted a trail in the sky marking where the penis had passed only a hundred feet or so above the steep mountains surrounding his land. In the distance, the phallus crashed into the ocean violently, sending up a spray of salt water.


    What is wrong with that man? By the gods, I need a nap.


    Alicia Denton


    Human


    Apostle of Gorn


    Non-citizen of the Inner Spheres


    -Strength- 20


    -Endurance- 20


    -Speed- 30


    -Intelligence- 20


    -Memory- 25


    -Senses- 25


    Blessings: Quickening, Lightning resistance, Enhanced Weather Magic


    Class: Tempest Temptress


    Skills: Fencing, Close Quarters Combat, First Aid, Etiquette, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory


    Spells: Aiding Wind, Force Armor, Fly, Force Shield, Lightning, Control Weather


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Conduit, Feedback Channeling.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 188: Motivation

    Let¡¯s see, we¡¯ve got beardo, half-nose and¡­ the third Inquisitor didn¡¯t really have any obvious flaws, like a certain younger brother. We¡¯ll call him Jim Junior.


    Jim Junior leapt at Garth¡¯s back, and was blown away by a tiny purple and yellow potato flower that cast Force Shield.


    Garth took the fraction of a second that rebound bought him to summon something flashy. If he wanted attention, this would probably do it.


    Summon Nature Spirit.


    Garth sent his lure out into the other plane, and snagged a big one.


    ¡°Oh boy, Woody¡¯s grown up a bit hasn¡¯t he?¡± Garth muttered as the fifty foot tall treant stepped out of the spirit world and into 6th avenue.


    Half-Nose didn¡¯t seem to like that, and neither did the people on 6th avenue et al. What few people had gathered to gawk at the spectacle of the police precinct exploding, had chosen the better part of valor once the treant began peering over the buildingtops onto other streets.


    Honestly thought there¡¯d be buildings taller than four stories after eight hundred years.


    ¡°Woody, these bad men tortured someone I brainwashed, an act almost as despicable as brainwashing her in the first place. Get ¡®em.¡±


    I should see if there¡¯s a way to summon a stronger Treant in a smaller package, because his mass is just becoming a problem.


    Woody obliged, leaning down to slam his fist on Half-nose, who managed to dodge, sending a fireball right into Woody¡¯s face.


    It seemed to make him mad.


    Woody went two-fisted, slamming the ground with everything he had and causing the earth to buck under Garth¡¯s feet.


    Half-Nose dodged that as well, leaping into the air to escape the onslaught.


    Maybe there¡¯s some kind of caster spirit I can summon, because the turn order ratio of being outnumbered is a probl-


    Beardo and Jim Junior jumped at him, while their boss was being distracted by Woody.


    Garth sidestepped toward Beardo, grabbed his head and slammed it into Jim Junior¡¯s armor, using the bearded man as shield and weapon, sending the two of them tumbling to the ground.


    ¡°Don¡¯t interrupt my inner monologue.¡± Garth said, tugging Beardo¡¯s knife out of his wrist. There are a lot of options that become available when defense is no longer important.


    Illusion


    Garth made an illusionary Black Labrador.


    Shadow.


    Shadow flew out of the pool of darkness around Garth¡¯s feet and filled up the illusion like prison origami, making it solid and allowing him to touch people in the most inappropriate ways.


    ¡°Who¡¯s a goodboi?¡± Garth asked, and Shadow whined, whipping his tail around.


    ¡°You see those guys?¡± Garth pointed at the stunned inquisitors. ¡°Those are bad guys. Bad guys.¡±


    Shadow growled.


    ¡°Go get¡¯em!¡±


    Beardo and Jim Junior seemed a little taken aback at first at the medium-sized dog running toward them, less frightened than confused. Then Shadow¡¯s teeth punctured deep into Beardo¡¯s armor, drawing a pained scream out of him.


    Jim Junior decided to help his buddy rather than ditch him to continue attacking Garth.


    This left Garth completely unsupervised.


    Hmm. What should I do with my newfound freedom? Garth thought to himself.


    Garth¡¯s first instinct was to create a wooden lifeguard tower and watch the fight while occasionally blowing a whistle to tell them to stop running.


    That just seems immature.


    Crack.


    Woody tore off a chunk of building and threw it at Half-nose, who dodged around it in midair and sent a volley of conjured steel bolts down at Garth, ignoring the giant treant.


    That makes sense, Garth thought. Once Half-Nose was out of reach of Woody, he ceased to be particularly troublesome, so why not take the opportunity to go for the source?


    Woody held his arm over Garth¡¯s head, and the steel arrows buried themselves in the back of the tree-person¡¯s massive hand.


    I wonder what style Inquisitors are being taught nowadays. Seems to focus on steel conjuration and subdual. I think I saw a hint of mind magic there, but it got torn to pieces by my Lantern.


    Woody grabbed the patch of metal stake jutting out from the back of his hand and tore them out, throwing the whole group back at Half-nose like a speedball. Half-Nose managed to divert his own summoned weapons away from himself with a slanted shield.


    There was an explosion behind Garth, and he glanced behind him to see Shadow launched away, trailing smoke. The black lab went through a brick wall, and darted out a second later, none the worse for wear, aiming to disable another limb.


    The two inquisitors had learned not to let him get close enough to bite, and so as soon as they saw the dog coming back out of the building, they took to the air, leaving Garth the only one still on the ground.


    Pussies.


    ¡°You whippersnappers!¡± Garth said, shaking his fist at them. ¡°Back in my day, we didn¡¯t have fancy shmancy fly spells! We had to walk through four feet of snow to get to our fights, and we liked it!¡±


    The three of them reconvened in the air, sharing a brief converstion while dodging pieces of the precinct lobbed at them by Woody.


    Garth took the opportunity to see to Gloria.


    ¡°How¡¯s it going Gee?¡± Garth asked, putting his hand on her forehead and checking the state of her conditioning spell. Looks like someone took it off.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t tell them anything. You would¡¯ve been so proud of me,¡± she said.


    ¡°Would¡¯ve been?¡± Garth asked.


    Heal.


    Operant conditioning.


    Might as well put that back.


    ¡°I¡¯m standing right here, super-duper proud of you.¡±


    The damage faded away, leaving the severe looking middle aged woman beaming at him like a happy baby.


    ¡°So if you could leave the area and go to the Green Hell, I would appreciate that.¡±


    ¡°Do you have a little cabin there we can hide away in?¡± she asked, her eyes wide.


    ¡°Something like that.¡±


    ¡°That would be lovely.¡±


    ¡°And you can wait on me hand and foot, taking care of my every need. Doesn¡¯t that sound nice?¡±


    ¡°Oh, yes!¡± she breathed, her eyes wide.


    ¡°And how do you feel about Garthspawn?¡±


    She frowned, as if confused by the question.


    ¡°Disgusting things whose only purpose is to act as wombs for the nobility, aren¡¯t they? Emotional, clingy creatures driven by their base desires, that can¡¯t think rationally to save their lives.¡±


    And this is why I don¡¯t feel bad.


    Heal.


    With one more application of heal and some minor telekinesis, Garth freed her from the rubble.


    ¡°You go on ahead, I¡¯ll meet up with you there.¡± Garth said.


    Gloria Pendleton blushed and nodded, practically skipping away.


    Alright, back to what I was doing¡­Spectacle.


    Control Weather.


    Garth used the Control weather Spell-like ability to make clouds form above the city, shrouding the confused Inquisitors.


    Garth modified the laser tree schematic in head, dubbing it the Attention Seeker, then he had it sprout from the ground beneath him. The tree had the bearing of a sequoia, and it lifted him straight into the sky, soaring up, and up, into the low hanging clouds he¡¯d conjured above the city.


    ¡°Attention Seeker, do your thing.¡±


    At Garth¡¯s mental nudge, the tree began to emit multicolored lights, creating shifting beams of harmless light in the mist of the cloud, causing refracted light to bathe the entire city in a scintillating glow.


    Think they¡¯ll notice that? Garth thought to himself as he watched the tree below him. Could¡¯ve used some epic music. It was a little too late to add speakers to the tree and start blaring Welcome to the jungle at full volume. The timing was just off now.


    I guess we¡¯ll just have to make due.


    Half-Nose slammed into him from behind, his Lantern interfering with Garth¡¯s, tearing him off the top of the towering laser tree, causing them to tumble uncontrolled through the air.


    Garth contracted and spun his Lantern as he¡¯d been taught, shredding Half-Nose¡¯s domain and restabilizing his flight.


    Relying on his instincts, Garth threw a hand over the back of his skull and felt a knife skitter off his finger bones.


    Looks like he¡¯s going for a brain shot now. Garth wasn¡¯t sure if that strike would have gone through his skull, but he didn¡¯t want to take any chances.


    Garth caught the man by the armor and hauled him over his head, kicking him away.


    Not out of his Lantern, though. Garth grabbed Half-Nose telekinetically while he was still inside Garth¡¯s range, rendering him powerless.


    ¡°So hey, I was wondering if you guys could give my brother a message.¡± Garth said, eyeing Half-Nose, who didn¡¯t seem to be used to being on the bottom.


    Guy seems like a top. Got the haircut for it.


    A shearing in the air behind Garth was enough warning to dodge the floating sword before Beardo and Jim Junior flew at him from both sides.


    Garth flew up.


    Once they entered his Lantern, their flight became uncontrolled, and the two fully armored men crashed into each other, unable to change trajectory.


    ¡°I don¡¯t mean to the bad guy monologue thing,¡± Garth said, snatching the other two up with Telekinesis, forcing them to stay inside the range of his lantern. ¡°But isn¡¯t charging into a guy with a better Lantern than you a bad idea?¡±


    Half-nose whipped out a tiny crossbow.


    Garth batted his arm to the side with a puff of mental energy, causing him to miss with the tiny thing.


    Fool me once, shame on you.


    ¡°So the message that you¡¯re going to send to my brother for me is as follows:¡±


    Garth took a deep breath, organizing the many things he wanted to tell his scumbag brother, most important of which was allowing the execution of his Succubus-in-law. That was assuming Leanne was telling the truth. Older people¡¯s relationship with the truth can be more¡­nuanced.


    ¡°The disciple of the Divine Lantern says hi.¡±


    It didn¡¯t really mean anything to Jim, but it meant a lot to his puppet masters.


    Garth flung them downward at a speed just barely safe enough for them to survive.


    From what he could tell, the minions had Endurance around forty-five, and their boss outpaced Garth around sixty-five.


    That was with normal, unmodified human bodies. Six point five times regular femur strength vs six point oh times carbon-reinforced, carefully human-designed femur strength.


    It wasn¡¯t even a question.


    That meant that terminal velocity didn¡¯t really pose a threat, since their weight-to-toughness ratio was too high, so he gave them a bit of extra zing, launching them straight downward at breakneck speeds.


    How much damage does balsa wood take from a fall? Maybe a few scuffs. Same concept.


    Garth pushed himself downward at full speed, keeping them in range of his lantern as they tore through the air.


    One thing you always see in monster movies and robot fights... superhero movies¡­etc, is the strong one is always tossing the other ones around when they would be better served grappling.


    Have I thought this before?


    In any case, Garth didn¡¯t intend to do them the favor of allowing them outside his Lantern.


    As the ground was rapidly approaching, a grenade tumbled up to him. It was a strange sensation to see the little pinless steel orb floating up to him, since he was outpacing gravity.


    Garth threw his hand in front of his eyes, and created an ironwood shield in front of him in the blink of an eye.


    The blast knocked the wind out of him, causing him and his shield to spin and hit the ground at an awkward angle.


    Garth was flipped around three times and landed on his back, buried three inches deep in the cobblestone road.


    ¡°Uugh.¡± That definitely had some zing to it. Who gave these guys grenades? Shoulda guessed though. They are human, after all. We¡¯re good at this shit.


    Above him, the laser light show continued in the clouds overhanging the city. Flickering green, red, yellow and blue beams filling the grey sky with color.


    Now all we need is EDM


    Heal.


    All the aches and pains fled Garth¡¯s body, and his most recent wounds finished closing up instantly. He still had blood armor patches all over his body, though, and his clothes were shredded from the rough play.


    I need to learn Mending. Ya know, if it exists.


    Garth rolled out of the hole and surveyed his situation.


    Beardo and Jim Junior were buried in the ground, breathing faintly, while Half-nose was climbing to his feet.


    With a shaky hand, he pulled the Mythic core out of his Status band and held it in front of himself, aiming it at Garth like a gun.


    Mana began to pool around Half-Nose in alarming quantities.


    ¡°What the hell are you?¡± he demanded with a snarl.


    ¡°Oh, there¡¯s so many classic responses to that, I¡¯m finding it hard to pick one,¡± Garth said with a chuckle. Robocop, batman, your worst nightmare? It opens up so many doors I¡¯m having trouble picking one.


    Mana was sucked into Half-Nose like water into a sponge, and a fraction of a second later, a beam of energy tore out of him. Garth ducked to the side with a yelp, but lost a significant amount of his shoulder.


    Never been on the receiving end before. Kinda fun. Garth leapt out of the way as another bolt of pure energy screamed past him, roasting his outer skin as it passed by his legs.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 189: Instant communication

    Macronomicon


    Sorry I''ve been gone so long, A combination of life events and apathy have made posting difficult, but no longer! So here you go, I''ll drop a couple chapters to make up for the extra week I missed.


    Enjoy!


    Garth didn¡¯t really mind Half-nose having the core, or even using it to boost his spells. As long as the thing wasn¡¯t scrapped for parts by the end of this he could always get it back. Two factors kept Garth calm.


    ¡°Maybe we could have a civil conversation, ¡®cuz I mean, the property damage is getting ¨C ack!¡± Garth ducked hard enough to slam himself into the ground, hands under his chest.


    Fly


    Garth shot sideways as the beam followed him down, tumbling behind the stone wall of a shop.


    ¡°Civil conversation? About what? Your grudge against the founder, who is the bedrock of my entire existance?¡±


    ¡°D¡¯awww.¡± Garth glanced around the side of the building, noticing Woody in position to squish the distracted High Inquisitor.


    Garth gave it the universal ¡®stop¡¯ signal by swiping his fingertips across his clavicle.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know who you are, but I know what you are.¡± Half-nose said, oozing a little bit of blood from his nostril.


    ¡°Oh yeah, what¡¯s that?¡± Garth asked, sneaking around the building while he threw his voice with a tunnel of compressed air.


    ¡°You¡¯re an Ancient from the fall of man, like the Apostle of Kolath.¡±


    A bolt of reality-melting raw mana blasted the spot where Garth had been directing his voice.


    ¡°To be fair, I am an Apostle.¡± Garth said, peering around the other corner of the building. Shadow sniffed his hand, and he gave him a quick pet.


    ¡°You¡¯re one of hundreds of Ancients that have tried to tear the Founder down. Always with the same words, accusing the founder of tyranny, or selling us to another power.¡±


    Garth ducked another bolt of energy that carved a hole out of his hiding place.


    I¡¯m running out of hiding spaces.


    Garth made a maze of green mana, then tore walls of magically diffusing Ironwood out of the ground with it, causing the city to rumble and shake as the labyrinth formed in the heart of the city.


    Not that there were any people within three blocks of them.


    ¡°I have to wonder, how soft were the Ancients? How easy were their lives that simply doing what must be done is considered intolerable?¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­pretty soft. America was literally the fattest nation in the world. I hate to admit it, but I was developing a bit of a gut myself when-¡°


    A bouncy steel ball bearing the size of a beach-ball hit the far wall of Garth¡¯s impromptu maze and rebounded into him, taking him off his feet with its sheer mass and crushing him against the far wall.


    The steel beach ball rolled away while Garth groaned. Behind him was the outline of Garth¡¯s spine and ribs pressed into the slightly softer ironwood.


    If his pain receptors hadn¡¯t been turned down to 40%, that would have hurt.


    ¡°Ow.¡±


    Garth processed the thing¡¯s trajectory overlayed on his memory of the labyrinth¡¯s construction. It had come from¡­right there.


    Garth took a step forward and kicked the steel ball, putting a bit of English on it. The spin helped it get back around the corner and made it unpredictable to the unprepared.


    He was rewarded a second later with a grunt and the sound of armor crumpling.


    A second later, Half-Nose came sailing over the edge of the labyrinth, straight onto Garth. The armor of his left side had been squished by the ball bearing. The golden armor was crumbled and there was a bit of blood dripping down from inside it.


    The momentum took them both to the ground, and Half-Nose brought the Mythic core toward Garth¡¯s chest. Garth reacted instantly, slapping his own hand around Half-Nose¡¯s and the golden golf ball.


    He had a disadvantage wrestling control of the mana away from Half-Nose, who had physical contact with the core, but it was enough to turn the beam of raw directed mana into a lightning storm of power around the two of them.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve got what it takes to fix the government and all the world¡¯s inequalities,¡± Garth said with a shrug, eyeing the snarling man on top of him as he slowly took more and more of the mana away from him. ¡°But I do think Jim¡¯s been misbehaving in my absence, and there¡¯s no one more qualified to spank him than me.¡±


    Half-nose raised a hand to strike him, and Garth caught it with his forehead, breaking the man¡¯s fingers.


    ¡°You think you¡¯ll be any different?¡± Half-Nose demanded, cradling his hand. ¡°I¡¯ve been off-planet. I¡¯ve seen what the Dan Ui clan is capable of. Whatever half-assed plan you have to overthrow the Founder is hopeless. Even If you succeed by the grace of the gods, they¡¯ll just use you as their mouthpiece, and in the meantime, you¡¯ll be responsible for the disruption of the entire empire. Hundreds of thousands of deaths, for nothing.¡±


    ¡°The only people who die are the ones who don¡¯t do as I say. I have infinite, self-replicating generosity for those who align themselves with me.¡± Garth said.


    The lambas potato being a case in point.


    Garth kicked the Inquisitor off him, causing the man to tumble backward into the ironwood wall, coughing. The wizard duel was starting to take the shape of a knock-down, drag out fight.


    Garth glanced up at the sky. The dimensional trap must be active somewhere in the rubble, making teleportation highly impractical.


    Garth glanced down at the High Inquisitor with a critical eye. The guy was beat to shit, and he was on the verge of an aneurism from magical overuse. His nose bleeding freely down the front of his face, creating twin channels of blood that dripped down his lips.


    Probably time to get the hell out of here before he does something stupid like-


    ¡°Hurk!¡± A sword slid off Garth¡¯s skull, then pulled back and squeaked past his ribs to lodge itself in his lungs. Inquisitor number 4, We¡¯ll call him Tranqs, had decided to wake up and assist his boss.


    Garth looked down at the sword in his chest, then back up at the guy.


    Down to the sword.


    Back up at the guy.


    Garth grabbed the blade and backhanded the guy with telekinetically assisted force, sending him slamming into the wall and back to his dreamless sleep.


    You fuckin¡¯ try to take it easy on someone and they stab you in the lungs.


    ¡°You know how many times I got stabbed in the chest before I became immortal?¡± Garth wheezed as he removed the steel and tossed it aside, squatting beside the shivering High Inquisitor. The shivering was most likely a combination of pain, overwork, and adrenaline, because the guy didn¡¯t look the least bit scared.


    ¡°Not hardly never.¡±


    ¡°You know why it¡¯s happening now?¡± Garth asked, peering into the man¡¯s swelling face.


    ¡°Because I can afford to take it easy on you. You¡¯re beneath me. Old me would¡¯ve probably just killed you and been done with it. I¡¯m honestly interested in what kind of force the ¡®Mississippi Empire¡¯ can muster if you¡¯re their best and brightest. Makes me wonder why Leanne¡¯s so paranoid.¡±


    At Half-nose¡¯s widened gaze, Garth shrugged. ¡°Not all Ancients know each other, that¡¯s ageist, but in my case, we go way back. Almost as far as me and your bitch-boy founder.¡±


    Half-nose snarled and brought the mythic core up, into Garth¡¯s waiting palm. Garth scattered the energy while placing his other hand on the man¡¯s forehead.


    Heal.


    Can¡¯t let this guy croak on me just yet.


    ¡°I apologize, that was offensive to bitch-boys. Jim¡¯s a cold-blooded, opportunistic, only-slightly-more-intelligent-than-average, narcissistic, self-righteous waste of space. And you can tell him, from me, that his statues suck.¡±


    Garth hit the man with a dose of tranquilizers that would be enough to kill a normal human, and watched as he nodded off, desperately trying to keep his eyes locked on Garth.


    Garth took a moment to pry the Mythic core out of the man¡¯s death-grip, marveling at the burns on the man¡¯s palms where he¡¯d channeled so much raw mana.


    Garth pocketed the golf-ball sized doom seed and stood up.


    All around him were devastated buildings and streets torn apart like tissue paper. The sky had a full laser show happening in the clouds above.


    Garth pulled the energy out of the massive tree towering over the city and watched it begin to rain down as ash. In a matter of minutes, the city would be covered in a fine layer of white powder, making it seem like an apocalyptic volcano or meteor strike had devastated the city.


    Alright, if that doesn¡¯t get the empire¡¯s attention, Idunno what would.


    He eyed the guy one more time. One was easy, but about three to five High Inquisitors could probably toast him as the economy of numbers worked against him, and he had to assume that the empire could field a lot more than that.


    Not to mention there could be people from the Dan Ui clan above third tier, easily.


    I need to make some more preparations.


    And he didn¡¯t have a lot of time to do it.


    Garth had just proven that this High inquisitor couldn¡¯t beat him on his own. That meant, if he was a professional, he would request reinforcements.


    Good thing I already did that for him, In case he decided to get cold feet.


    Garth flew up into the sky and angled toward the west, toward his nice little subtropical slice of coastline.


    ***Finn***


    The explosions and flying chunks of stone and buildings had finally stopped rocking the tiny desk that Finn had huddled under, and after a minute or so of silence, he finally dared to peek his head out into the ash-filled air.


    Some strange shadow creature fit only for a nightmare had put out all the lights in the building and stalked them, then the precinct had exploded with no warning, until finally Finn had simply decided to stay under his desk where it was safe until people stopped throwing each other around like dolls.


    ¡°Hello?¡± Finn asked the silence. There were dark, smooth wooden walls made of a single, polished piece of wood surrounding them, coming out of the very ground.


    ¡°Hello?¡± He tried to quell the tremor in his voice, but it didn¡¯t seem to want to go away.


    Off in the distance, there was some quiet coughing and scraping. Finn wasn¡¯t sure if it was the Good Guys or the Bad Guys, but numerically, it was more likely to be his people.


    Plus they didn¡¯t sound good, so maybe they weren¡¯t a threat, one way or another. With that in mind, Finn grabbed a broken chair leg and began to creep through the wooden labyrinth, heading for the source of the noise.


    After about ten minutes, he happened across the source: High Inquisitor Nathanial was pawing at his chest, trying to undue his armor strap with his burned right hand. His left hand laid limp at his side, crushed and swollen.


    ¡°Finn?¡± Nathanial said, glancing over, peering through two swollen eyes. ¡°That you?¡±


    ¡°Yes sir!¡± Finn said, dropping his improvised weapon and rushing to assist.


    ¡°Get this breastplate loosened, I can¡¯t breathe.¡±


    ¡°Right away!¡± Finn knelt down to loosen the straps tucked away inside the armor¡¯s plates, then pried the severely dented golden armor away from the man¡¯s chest.


    Had they actually come across the Apostle of Kolath? Finn would have assumed she¡¯d be on the other side of the world, building her power. Finn couldn¡¯t imagine the forces involved that would reduce the man¡¯s armor to such a state.


    Beneath the armor, the high inquisitor wore a simple brown padded suit under the armor, stained with sweat.


    ¡°Fetch my seal, it¡¯s in my satchel.¡± Nathanial said, pointing.


    Finn felt the large porcelain piece lacquered with gold and jade in the man¡¯s leather pouch, pulling it out reverentially. It was a beautiful, priceless piece of art in the shape of a dragon, unique to each High Inquisitor. Stealing one was punishable by death, forging one was punishable by death. Handling it without permission, death, looking at it wrong¡­you get the idea.


    Finn blew a bit of lint from Nathanial¡¯s pocket off it, his hands trembling nervously, taking care not to damage it in any way. At this moment in his life, Finn literally held his life in his hands.


    ¡°Here you go.¡± Finn said, offering it to him with both hands.


    ¡°Good, now smash it.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Finn asked, breaking out in a cold sweat. Was this some kind of game, or test? Did he want him to get himself killed for heresy?


    ¡°Smash. The. Seal. I know you¡¯re not an idiot Finn.¡±


    ¡°are you sur-¡°


    ¡°Do it!¡±


    Finn obeyed reflexively, tossing it away as hard as he could. The piece of porcelain sailed through the air for a timeless moment that Fin could swear lasted for half a minute, then it smashed against the wooden wall, it¡¯s white, gold and green pieces falling to the rubble-filled ground.


    Well, that¡¯s it. If he was messing with me, then I¡¯m dead.


    Finn glanced back and flinched at the vicious smile on the older man¡¯s face, but relaxed when he realized it wasn¡¯t for him.


    The broken pieces of the seal began to shake, trembling in the dirt before they were lifted in the air by some unknown force, forming a large circle in midair.


    The air in the center of this circle formed a swirling shimmer that eventually stabilized, then darkened and gained color, revealing the throne, where the Emperor was sitting, apparently bored.


    What¡¯s going on?


    The emperor glanced up and seemed to notice them.


    ¡°Oh, Nate¡­You look like shit.¡± He glanced over at Finn sitting next to the High inquisitor. ¡°Hi Finn!¡±


    ¡°Greetings founder!¡± Fin said, groveling before the image in the air.


    ¡°Whaddya need?¡± the Founder said, unperturbed.


    ¡°I¡¯d like to make my report in private.¡± Nathanial said, still leaning against the wooden walls.


    ¡°You heard the man, get outta here!¡± The Founder said, and unseen courtiers strode away, their heels clacking against the marble floors of the palace.


    ¡°All right, we¡¯re alone,¡± he glanced at Finn ¡°-Ish. What do you have to tell me?¡±


    As the details of Nathanial¡¯s report flowed, The Founder¡¯s expression was amazed at first, then it became darker and darker.


    ¡°We¡¯ll be there in two hours.¡± he said, and the tiny portal shut, the porcelain tinkling back down to the ground.

 Chapter 190: It’s all coming together

    Garth sat down on his couch, put his feet up, and turned on the magical TV, cracking open an imported beer.


    This particular kind was made by a dwarven worshipper of Beladia, and widely considered among the best in the Spheres.


    ¡°Oh, god damn,¡± Garth muttered in ecstasy, putting on an episode of Adventure Time. Work was done for the day, now it was time to relax. The Core was back in Grass¡¯s keeping, providing Garth¡¯s Command center with a sizeable upgrade, neither Tad nor Alicia were in any danger of dying. Caitlyn was humming away on a new idea. His X-ray vision button was missing.


    He had a couple weeks until the shit hit the fan. Probably.


    All was right with the world.


    Alicia came out of her bedroom, squinting against the light. That¡¯s what a mana overdose hangover will do to ya. She was paler than usual, her crimson lips slightly pink, with a greenish hue to her cheeks, and circles under her eyes.


    She looked like she felt awful.


    For the first time since he¡¯d seen her, she wasn¡¯t wearing tight, revealing clothes, and instead was wearing essentially an extra long t-shirt for sleeping, the cloth tenting around the tips of her breasts, concealing the rest of her body.


    She squinted at the TV, then at Garth, and his beer.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sharing. You¡¯re too young for alcohol anyway.¡± Garth said, redirecting his attention to the T.V.


    If I¡¯m immortal, doesn¡¯t that mean I can teach people how to make cartoons again, then wait the hundred years or so it¡¯ll take for them to get good? Garth pursed his lips. Maybe things were looking up.


    Out of the corner of his vision he saw Alicia silently climb onto the couch.


    ¡°Mana O.D. is not good for you, You should ¨C oh, okay.¡± Garth was about to tell her to go back to bed when Alicia climbed up on top of him, snuggled up against his stomach and went back to sleep.


    Garth tried to keep his attention on the cartoon, but his eyes kept falling down to the girl snoozing peacefully in his lap. The t-shirt had caught against him and worked its way up her thigh, revealing the very edge of her underwear.


    As tempting as that is, I don¡¯t think she¡¯s in a good place for that, physically and emotionally. Despite having made that decision with his rational mind, Garth¡¯s body responded appropriately.


    ¡°You¡¯re poking me,¡± she muttered, her eyes still closed.


    ¡°Is it uncomfortable?¡±


    ¡°No. It¡¯s warm.¡±


    Heal.


    ¡°It¡¯ll go away in a few minutes,¡± Garth said, petting her soft black hair with his glowing hand and taking a sip of his beer. Hopefully a heal would help her deal with the symptoms. She groaned appreciatively as the healing light encased her body, and fell back asleep, snoring lightly against his chest.


    There haven¡¯t been many moments in my life that I realize are perfect as they happen, but I think this might be one.


    What was the last perfect moment? When the girls were about a year old, and Sandi and I left the girls with Mrs. Banyan and went on that camping trip in Oregon?


    Splashing Sandi in an Oregon stream.


    Natalie forcing me to hug her goodbye for the first time when we were teens.


    Garth could remember each and every moment with perfect clarity, as if he was reliving it. A specialized sort of time travel.


    Garth glanced down at Alicia, still petting her hair. He was finally starting to organize and accept the loss of his loved ones, so maybe there was room for another.


    I wonder, on a scale of one to ten, how evil scientist I should go ensuring this one stays around awhile?


    To be fair, Sandi had outlived him, and not the other way around.


    Garth went to war with himself, vanquishing the urge to make clones or bind her soul to something, seeing as that would be an epic breach of trust. His sense of right and wrong had gotten a bit...detached, but that one was easy.


    Not that far gone yet.


    Insurance policies could come later. In the meantime, he needed to advance her training to the point where she could become a peer rather than a protege.


    That, and if she learns to stop the aging process right around 25... give her some time to fill out a little more.


    Garth wasn¡¯t a total monk.


    Tad strolled into the living room, toward the T.V. He spotted Garth and Alicia on the couch and promptly spun on his heel, went to grab a bite to eat from the kitchen before fucking off. Tad was a bro.


    Mrs. Banyan, on the other hand, was not a bro.


    ¡°Garth. There¡¯s something you should see.¡± She said, power walking into the room through the wooden wall.


    ¡°Can it wait, like, an hour or two?¡± Garth asked. I was having a perfect moment here.


    ¡°Not really,¡± She said, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and changing the channel to Emilio¡¯s feed.


    An army the likes of which Garth had never seen was marching through a massive shimmering portal just outside of Santo Descanso. It was wide enough to accommodate hundreds of men abreast, and they marched through, streaming thousands of men, siege weapons and war animals each minute.


    They were dressed in glittering gold armor and marched in perfect sync. It seemed like Jim had committed a significant portion of his military to this particular endeavor. Whether it was for him, or for Leanne, Garth had no idea.


    ¡°Oh.¡± Garth said. ¡°Well, shit, think they¡¯ll wait until tomorrow to attack?¡±


    ¡°I doubt it.¡±


    Garth sighed, lifted Alicia up telekinetically, then laid her down on the couch, conjuring a blanket for her.


    ¡°Get the deep-range band.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Already have it.¡± she said, pulling the thick status band out from behind her and offering it to him. It was clunky, but it was a powerhouse that could connect to the Ethernet through any kind of interference.


    It kinda reminded Garth of a Pip-Boy.


    Garth made sure the contraption was powered down before strapping it on his wrist. Wouldn¡¯t do to start the fireworks early.


    Garth glanced over at Mrs. Banyan, whose brows were knotted with worry.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, Banyan. The worst thing that could happen is we all die, and you get to meet your mom.¡±


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t make me feel a lot better. In the afterlife, there is no growth, no new life.¡±


    ¡°You might be right,¡± Garth said. ¡°I guess I¡¯ll have to make sure this turns out good for us, then.¡±


    ***


    It is an integral part of armies to line them up, get them squared away, give them a speech, and send them to war. Formations are just par for the course.


    Garth hung out a mile above the earth, less than a speck in the sky, lazily waiting for the glittering rows of soldiers to come to attention.


    Finally the massive hole in the air closed behind a train of supplies to feed and maintain and army of thousands. The last wagon had a massive wooden platform on it, and half a dozen burly men picked it up and carried it to the front of the rows of heavily armored men, where it was backlit by the setting sun. it was time for the rallying speech.


    Control weather.


    Oooh, pageantry, Garth thought, beginning his descent, trailing a whirling vortex of clouds behind him, forcing his way through the air, forming a spout behind him. From a distance, he would look like a tornado touching down out of an angry sky.


    The handful of specks on the podium looked up, probably warned by their soldiers.


    One of them raised their hand and a shimmering field of tightly knit mana encompassed the entire army.


    Grass, gimmie some penetration.


    The shield was stronger than anything Garth could have made by himself, and definitely stronger than anything he could have chewed through with his own mental strength. It was Teflon.


    But¡­ aim a couple thousand beams of compressed light and scrambling Space mana at small parts of the shield and follow them up with supercharged swordfish, Things get pretty fluid.


    Brilliant blue lasers converged on the shimmering barrier from the mountainside, converging to heat tiny spots to the point where physics ceased to work. They struck with pinpoint accuracy moments before dozens of sky-blue Swordfish plunged out of Garth¡¯s swirling cloud and tore through the barrier, blowing the platform to tiny bits and paving the way for Garth¡¯s entrance.


    Garth sent his spores ahead of him, rapidly contructing a new, incredibly gaudy platform that drew gold out of the earth to plate itself, seconds before landing on it.


    Control weather.


    With a thought, Garth blew away the dust that had been kicked up by his entrance, giving every single soldier a decent line of sight to him, and allowing Garth to see the people he¡¯d upstaged.


    He spotted Jim getting to his feet, surrounded by his underlings. Still wearing that obnoxious eight-pack breastplate. Hopefully he wouldn¡¯t interrupt a man while he was talking.


    Clarion Call.


    Just for the hell of it, Garth adopted an irish accent.


    ¡°You have been chosen to reveal our existance to the world!¡±


    Garth¡¯s voice blasted outward, reached the ears of every single gold-plated buffoon as he tossed aside his disguising enchantment, skin turning purple.


    ¡°You will witness what happens here today, and you will tell of it later! All eyes to the front!¡±


    ¡°Really, Boondock Saints?¡± Jim asked, wiping a bloody nose with his thumb. ¡°I hope you don¡¯t mind those being your last words.¡±


    ¡°I couldn¡¯t resist.¡± Garth said so quietly, only his brother could hear it.


    ¡°Now you will receive us.¡±


    Garth flipped the switch on his deep range status band, sending his pre-recorded message across the spheres, and alerting the Inner Spheres as to his exact location.


    Garth couldn¡¯t deal with any one thing by itself¡­ but all of them together?


    Bcc: everyone in The Inner Spheres.


    There¡¯s a guy claiming to be Castavelle De¡¯Chestaland¡¯s apprentice, Garth Daniels, on the 2859th layer, planet Earth, just outside the 3502nd outpost. He uses a lot of plant magic, says he has a book that shows where to find the archmage. It¡¯s called Starfall: A Treatise on the Origin of Gods. Little brown booklet, about the size of a man¡¯s palm, but he says it talks to him.


    Maybe my problems will solve each other.


    Jim looked down at his status band in mild confusion for a moment, before looking back up at Garth, realization widening his eyes.


    Garth burst into a giggle moments before Jim snarled and leapt up onto the stage almost faster than Garth could follow, slamming him to the gold-plated floor of his platform.


    ¡°What the hell did you just do?¡±


    ¡°I think you know.¡± Garth rasped.


    Grass, could you¡­


    ON IT.


    Tiny beams of blue came from the mountain and burned a dick and hairy nutsack on the side of his brother¡¯s face, causing him to reel back, clapping a hand on his cheek. Jim glanced over to the mountain and tore his hand through the air, fingers curled into claws.


    The East side of the mountains, some twenty miles distant, erupted in flames, from horizon to horizon.


    Oh, dang. I can¡¯t let this opportunity go to waste


    Seizing the opportunity, Garth jumped forward, channeling an ungodly amount of mana through his palm and slapping Jim¡¯s injured cheek.


    Heal.


    Garth made sure the healing was just clumsy enough to leave big, white, scars.


    ¡°Ahahahaha! It¡¯s permanent now!¡± Garth howled with laughter as Jim watched him, horrified, and maybe a little teary.


    ¡°Damn you!¡± he shouted, kicking Garth away hard enough to break his ribs.


    That¡¯s new, Garth thought, flying fast enough to rip through the air. His bones weren¡¯t supposed to break. How much strength does this guy have?


    Garth hit the dusty earth and dug a furrow in the ground before tumbling a hundred yards in a tangle of limbs. He pushed himself up with a pained groan as his body tried to correct itself.


    ¡°Where is he!?¡± a grey-blue shinta wearing glossy black robes and wielding a shimmering sword that looked like flowing quicksilver shouted, descending from a white portal in the sky.


    ¡°The Pan-Ua Clan will have its revenge!¡± screamed a woman in a high pitched language, as a phalanx of heavily armed corio marched into the dusty desert through another portal.


    I can¡¯t quite put my finger on it, but something about this feels familiar.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 191: Marker

    Macronomicon


    Bad news: Looks like this story is going on hiatus.


    Good news: There''s about 38 chapters up on patreon that I''m gonna start flooding out here. Sorry I''ve been so distant, it''s been a hell of a holiday season.


    Hope everyone had a wonderful christmas!


    As for the decision to stop writing, It''s because this is my first webnovel. I''ve made a lot of mistakes, and I''ve improved a lot (I think) since then in the year I''ve been writing it, so I''d like to clear time to work on other projects. I stopped writing before total burnout, so hopefully one day I can revisit this story with fresh eyes, but for now, look forward to the other things I''ve got coming down the pipe!


    Peace!


    One by one, portals of every shape and size began to open as creatures began to step out into the dusty wasteland, their attention focused on two tiny men brawling in the center.


    Alicia blinked the gum out of her eyes, her head feeling much better after a full night¡¯s sleep. In front of her Mrs. Banyan was watching the TV with rapt attention.


    ¡°That¡¯s umm¡­¡± Alicia said, her jaw dropping as she watched the chaos unfold on the screen in front of her. That was more non-human creatures than she¡¯d ever seen. The sky and land were being torn apart by the arrival of these godlike beings dressed in living armor, stepping onto Earth as if they had simply walked through a door.


    ¡°That¡¯s not a movie, is it?¡± She asked,


    ¡°That¡¯s Garth,¡± Mrs. Banyan said without looking away. ¡°He¡¯d never admit it, but he enjoys chaos.¡±


    Mrs. Banyan changed the channel, showing a burning mountainside, where hundreds of Mrs. Banyans raised their arms to weave thick clouds out of thin air, drenching the sudden fire with a torrential downpour. Seconds later, trees with dark blue-green leaves began to sprout at astonishing speeds, replacing every inch of the mountainside¡¯s flora with Laser Trees.


    ¡°Keep your interference discrete,¡± She muttered to Grass.


    I HAVE RECENTLY MASTERED SUBTLETY. FAIL TO WITNESS MY HIDDEN PROWESS. Grass mentally shouted in their ears.


    ***Garth***


    Garth was walking back toward Jim when the Shinta with the shimmering robe lunged at him with his liquid metal sword, robe fluttering behind him as he tore through the air.


    ¡°No part of that man¡¯s foul legacy will taint the land!¡± he shouted, bringing his blade down toward Garth


    The guy¡¯s sword looked like a combination between a lightsaber, a lava lamp, and the T-1000 liquid metal terminator.


    Garth created a wooden buckler on his palm that generated its own repulsing force and tried to catch the blade before it gained momentum.


    It worked at first, but an instant later, the sword seemed to adjust to the buckler¡¯s defensive properties, beginning to slide through at an exponential rate, reminding Garth of the borg.


    The shinta¡¯s finger burst into flames. He shouted in pain and staggered back.


    Garth used the moment of distraction to make a branch shoot out of the shield and pierce the Shinta¡¯s brain. He fell over, twitching. Garth didn¡¯t know if this guy could come back from a wound like that, because at the higher levels, all bets were off. Garth just resolved to put some distance between the two of them and kept walking back toward the center of the chaos.


    Garth glanced over at the distant snowcapped mountains that wrapped around his city. Mrs. Banyan had already replaced the fire with a new, more dense artillery support structure.


    He hadn¡¯t seen the beam. The lasers had been modified?


    I ADDED A MANA SHELL TO THE BEAM THAT KEEPS IT INVISIBLE AND IMPROVES OUTPUT.


    Goddamn, good job Grass.


    THE REQUEST FOR SUBTLETY WAS BANYAN.


    Of course it was. Keep it up, but let me talk to dick-face for a while.


    OF COURSE.


    Garth began running toward the center of the melee, where the Pan Ua clan had begun throwing down with Jim¡¯s army, who were unwitting extensions of the Dan Ui, causing Garth to suck air through his teeth.


    I hope those clans are goooood friends, because this might just cause a little incident. Matter of fact, this whole planet is under their jurisdiction. Uh-ooh. Wonder how they¡¯ll respond to this?


    ¡°You!¡± Jim shouted, backhanding a robed clan member out of his way as he approached.


    ¡°Hey, just the guy I wanted to talk to-¡°


    Jim swung down with his Shortsword before Garth could lure him into a conversation. There was an explosion of heat and light, and the blade of Jim¡¯s sword flew off into the distance, leaving a smoking metal stump in Jim¡¯s hand. He stared at it for a moment, stunned.


    ¡°I was wondering if you knew anything about a carnophage succubus named Sandi being executed about¡­forty-two years after the ¨C ¡°


    Jim threw a hand forward and a tidal wave of red mana tore through Garth¡¯s meager mental defenses, and turned the world pitch black.


    When Garth opened his eyes again, he was tied down in a spread eagle to a cold steel cross. He was in a dingy dungeon with stuffy, rebreathed air, thick with the smell of blood.


    A cenobite lookalike loomed over him with a menacing grin, his lips stapled back in a horrific grin. It wielded a shiny scalpel taken from a tray of torturous implements beside it.


    ¡°Welcome to Endless suffering. You¡¯re going to spend the rest of you short life here, deep under the earth, begging me to end your suffering.


    ¡°It¡¯s an illusion.¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°Red mana? This is obviously in my head.¡±


    ¡°I think you would have done a better job with a dentist¡¯s office,¡± Garth said, giving the cenobite a raised eyebrow as he looked around the room. ¡°Dr. Olsen was scary as shit. Little Chinese woman? She absolutely violated your mouth with her steel-like fingers.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s the time dilation anyway? One to a hundred, one to a thousand? What are we talking here?¡± Garth glanced around. Maybe Jim would be helpful enough to put a clock up somewhere. ¡°I¡¯m picking up kind of a Naruto vibe from this. You know the scene.¡±


    The cenobite morphed into Jim, giving him a thoughtful look.


    ¡°Who are you?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Garth, obviously.¡±


    ¡°Garth is dead.¡±


    ¡°Garth was dead.¡±


    Jim watched him for a little while, frowning. ¡°Prove it.¡±


    ¡°You cried when I stopped you from putting toothpicks on mom¡¯s birthday cake to make up for the missing candles. I drove you to your first date in middle school, and she stood you up so we watched Saw instead.¡±


    Jim¡¯s eyes narrowed.


    ¡°It seems like you really are him.¡±


    ¡°Right, so can we talk about Sandi ¨C urk.¡±


    A shortsword manifested out of thin air and plunged into Garth¡¯s chest.


    ¡°You¡¯re far too willful to be left alive.¡±


    ¡°Wow, Jim, dark. So about Sandi, I heard you had something to do with her death, just trying to get testimonials, make sure Leanne was telling me the truth. Only problem is it¡¯s kinda your word against hers since everyone else died a long time ago. I don¡¯t wanna do that tropey thing where I mindlessly destroy you on someone else¡¯s say-so, and surprise, surprise, Leanne was lying all along because eight hundred years roaming the earth has turned her into an unfeeling sociopath. You know, the usual.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re just as annoying and talkative as I remember.¡± Jim said.


    ¡°Takes more than a shortsword to the chest to shut me up.¡±


    ¡°How about one through the eye?¡± Jim asked.


    ¡°Yeh, yeh, that¡¯d do it, but first, did you kill my wife?¡±


    ¡°Her death demoralized the resistance, and saved thousands of lives that would have been lost pointlessly trying resist the Dan Ui. I did what I had to do.¡±


    ¡°Aaaahhh,¡± Garth relaxed back into the frame beneath him. ¡°The old ¡®did what I had to do¡¯ excuse. I feel so much better about killing you now.¡±


    ¡°Goodbye, Garth.¡± Jim said, brandishing a long dagger and bringing it down on Garth¡¯s face.


    The entire room exploded with white light.


    Garth opened his eyes.


    Still in the desert, still midday, everything was still complete chaos around him.


    Jim staggered back, dropping the dagger in his hand and clutching his blackened eyes where Grass had fried them.


    ¡°The Divine Lantern Technique will be mine!¡± A corio shouted, leading a group of six or so toward Garth and Jim from behind him.


    I really just wanted a little time to talk to/kill my brother in peace. Is that so much to ask?


    Garth turned around, raised a hand and made a gun shape.


    ¡°pew, pew, pew.¡±


    After Grass exploded three of their heads from behind their shields, the other four turned around and ran the other direction.


    Garth turned around and picked up Jim¡¯s long dagger, eyeing his brother, who was wiping away his scorched-out eyeballs with some high-level healing magic, revealing perfect new blue eyes glaring at him in fury.


    He¡¯d even gotten rid of the dick-face, which was a bummer. Getting rid of scars implied a rather high level of body control.


    Garth created his Lantern and drew the mana void around himself like a cloak, putting more sophistication into the absence of mana around him than the mote of light itself.


    Controlling the void of the Lantern was one of the secrets of the Divine Lantern, apparently. Garth hadn¡¯t seen this many Lanterns in one place before, and now he knew his was something special.


    Garth forced roots through the ground beneath his feet and had them erupt directly underneath Jim. He wanted to beat the shit out of him first, but sometimes you just gotta put the sad old dog down.


    Jim¡¯s eye twitched and he leapt out of the way of the roots faster than they could spear him, snapping up a rock and throwing it at Garth in one fluid move.


    The rock shattered against Garth¡¯s eyebrow, about half an inch above his eyeball.


    ¡°Ow.¡±


    Jim clicked his tongue. ¡°So close.¡±


    Fusillade.


    Thousands of spores changed into self-propelled rocket arrows, forcing their way into Jim¡¯s Lantern, then blasting forward when his void indirectly lit their fuses.


    Jim tucked his arm over his eyes and created a vortex of air around himself, causing the majority of the unguided arrows to miss over the last ten feet, turning the dirt around him into a pincushion. There were a few arrows in his armor, but the damage was minimal.


    ¡°I remember that spell,¡± Jim said with a grin. ¡°Let me do you one better.¡±


    A net of hair-thin wires with about an inch between them launched itself toward Garth, propelled by some strange glowing from behind them.


    The net was about twenty feet by forty, gaining momentum at incredible speeds, and obviously tracking Garth. He could tell just by looking at it that it would cube him into tiny little pieces if he didn¡¯t come up with an answer to it.


    Now or never, you son of a bitch.


    Garth created a lotus in his hand that pushed away reality, stretching the fabric of space around them. He watched the approaching net shift and warp, one of its gaps widening drastically to slide around him.


    The net warped around Garth and hit the ground, burying itself so deep he couldn¡¯t see it, possibly not stopping at all. He felt like sagging to the ground in relief. He¡¯d never been able to push away space to the same extent that Cass had. This was practically a fluke. Garth wasn¡¯t even sure he¡¯d be able to do it again.


    ¡°I can do this all day,¡± Garth said with a cocky grin as Jim frowned at him, trying to piece together how he¡¯d done that trick.


    ¡°You know, I remember something about turning you into a deer and hunting you for sport.¡± Garth said. ¡°Maybe that would be a good way to end this fucking farce of a brotherhood.¡±


    ¡°A tier three isn¡¯t capable of it.¡± Jim said ¡°You¡¯re like a child,¡± he glanced over at the distant mountain that kept sniping him. ¡°With a gun.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a tier two, numbnuts. You kill my wife, shit all over my legacy, enslave my children and you think I¡¯m going to meekly say ¡®Oh, I guess since my power level is lower, I¡¯ll just accept everything you¡¯ve done on faith because I can¡¯t beat you in an arm wrestling contest¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Your uncreative ass couldn¡¯t stop me while I¡¯m two tiers behind you, and when I catch up? I¡¯ll tear everything you¡¯ve created down. You can rest easy though, I¡¯ll simply scrub you and the Dan Ui from the history books, like you never existed at all.¡±


    Jim¡¯s eye narrowed.


    ¡°You weren¡¯t there. You didn¡¯t face the choices I had to.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t really¡­care? I assume all your choices to betray the Earth were motivated by threat of death, so you could have chosen to die, let them pick someone less competent than you at the very least.¡±


    Jim¡¯s lips drew back in a feral snarl, and he charged forward.


    His leg burst into flames and fell away beneath the knee, distracting him long enough for Garth to catch the faster man with a counter to the face, shoving his engineered knuckle bones into Jim¡¯s nose and breaking the shit out of it.


    Jim tumbled backward, spewing blood from his nose and lips, catching himself in mid-fall with Fly and rushing toward Garth at near sonic speeds.


    End this for me, will you? Garth thought to Grass.


    Garth felt a sudden heat and his chest burst into flame, a huge, wonky cut carved through it.


    Grass, what the hell!


    HE HAD SOME KIND OF REFLECTIVE DEFENCES ON HIS VITALS!


    Garth hadn¡¯t even seen him do it.


    Guess that¡¯s what I get for overusing the lasers.


    Garth tried to raise a hand, but his pecs were severed, allowing Jim to pierce through his defenses, tugging the blade out of Garth¡¯s hand in the process, stabbing it down toward Garth¡¯s eye.


    Garth tucked in his chin and turned his head to the side, catching the blade on his forehead in a fast twitch that nearly snapped his muscles. Jim impacted against the rest of him, tumbling the two men through the desert sand.


    Garth landed face up with Jim on his chest, dagger poised to end his life.


    Win some, lose some. He struggled to raise his arms, but his chest was too damaged.


    Once Garth was in his new body, he¡¯d have to apply some of the lessons he¡¯d learned today to the new design. That and do his best to survive stage 2 of the plan.


    ¡°He¡¯s mine!¡± A corio woman wielding a fiery glaive shoved it straight through Jim¡¯s chest, tearing him off of Garth and tossing him aside, tearing the flaming spear out sideways with a spurt of gore.


    Garth glanced over and saw his brother gurgling on his own blood, looking down at the wound in confusion.


    What the fuck?


    ¡°Now, apprentice of Castavelle, you will tell me everything ¨C¡°


    Grass popped the woman¡¯s head like a balloon.


    Garth flopped onto his side and crawled over to where Jim was bleeding out, trying to heal himself. Garth telekinetically seized his brother¡¯s blade and rammed it into Jim¡¯s heart, just a few inches above the glaive¡¯s wound.


    Jim coughed up a mouthful of blood and chuckled spitefully, looking at him.


    A complex strand of black mana that looked like some kind of tapeworm wriggled its way out of his ear, disappearing into a tiny fold in space.


    Jim locked eyes with Garth.


    ¡°Mar¡­ker.¡±


    Garth¡¯s brother died, his eyes wide.


    Okay, now I¡¯m seriously creeped out.


    ¡°Who is responsible for this challenge to the authority of the Dan Ui?¡± A voice shook the very earth.


    But, not a lot of time to think about it.

 Chapter 192: Gimmie a minute

    Garth glanced up and saw some four hundred or so Dan Ui clan members floating in the sky, looking imperiously down on the chaos below. At the head of them was someone he actually recognized: Mareen, the Corio woman who¡¯d almost killed him in order to avenge her apprentice.


    I wonder how she¡¯s doing nowadays.


    Immortals were popping out of the woodwork.


    ¡°Cease this at once!¡± Her magically enhanced words blasted across the battlefield and forced even the most feral combatants to stop and pay attention.


    ¡°This planet is under the protection of the Dan Ui Clan. You will leave at once, or we will snuff out your pathetic lives. There is no Apprentice of Castavelle, there is no book that details the ascension to godhood, and there never has been. You Janfa are hopping at a hoax.¡±


    All around, they glanced at each other, some in mid-swing, seemingly unsure of what to do now that the local authorities had showed up.


    ¡°Marker, huh?¡± Garth muttered, pulling out the priceless notebook/database in his pocket.


    ¡°Is there a spell to view the past?¡± Garth asked, having opened to a random page. At this point he didn¡¯t think it even mattered.


    How long ago?


    ¡°About eight hundred and forty-three, give or take a few months.¡±


    Ooh, that¡¯s a long one. Usually I only peer through time to see if I left the stove on. For events that distant, you¡¯ll need some kind of beacon or timestamp to look back that far, usually some kind of Divine Intervention.


    ¡°Like a marker?¡± Garth asked.


    Yeah man, congratulations, there are many ways to say the same thing.


    ¡°Let¡¯s assume the beacon is there, how do I do the spell?¡±


    First, create a large spell circle in the design of Borpheus, the god of time, to channel Time mana more efficiently. Then the spell requires deflowering two virgins with different hair colors on the night of a full moon while praising Borpheus, and using that power to peer into the misty depths of the past.


    Garth raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°I swear to Hastia I will burn you.¡±


    It was worth a shot. Here¡¯s the spell. It requires blood from the user and a lot of on-the spot-calculations, and it¡¯s in no way safe to use. Cast at your own risk.


    In front of Garth¡¯s eyes, the pages began to fill with dense text and denser equations, his training with Cass just barely enough to keep him abreast of the spell¡¯s intricacies. Some of the formulas didn¡¯t even make sense.


    The text reached the bottom of the page, and for a brief moment, Garth thought he was done.


    Then it flipped over and started scrawling on the other side, continuing to print in one smooth, unstoppable flood of detailed information that reminded him of a crash report.


    ¡°You there!¡± a crimson Benkei man said, stalking over to him. ¡°Is that the book in question?¡±


    ¡°Gimmie a minute.¡± Garth said, flipping through the pages and memorizing the archmage¡¯s notes on scrying events that already happened a long-ass time ago using Divine Intervention as waypoints.


    ¡°It is!¡± the Benkei shouted, peering at the cover from a stooped posture. ¡°It¡¯s you!¡± he continued, pointing at Garth, attracting the attention of a few of the squabbling clans, who looked over at him, salivating as their eyes turned toward the book.


    ¡°Whaddya want, a medal?¡± Garth muttered without looking away from the book.


    ¡°Give me that!¡± the Benkei shouted, lunging toward Garth, thrown off course by the sudden explosion of his head, care of Grass. Garth kept reading.


    Suddenly Garth was the center of attention again, attracting the greedy wizard¡¯s gazes away from where Mareen was threatening them with swift death if they didn¡¯t get off the Dan Ui¡¯s property.


    Garth turned the page, wondering how long this damn theory was.


    26 Pages.


    Not Bad. Definitely not as long as it could have been, Cal thought with a shrug turning the page and ignoring the fact that the book just read his mind. Being surprised around something Cass had made was a waste of effort.


    ¡°It¡¯s mine!¡±


    ¡°Out of the way!¡±


    ¡°You were warned!¡±


    One Orcish wizard jumped toward Garth, arms outstretched, but his head was squished as Mareen landed on the man¡¯s head.


    ¡°Are you the cause of this?¡± the aged Corio of honor demanded, grinding the bloody paste under her heel.


    Garth held up his finger as he scanned the book¡¯s contents. Only a couple pages to go. ¡°One second.¡±


    A blue-robed Shinta drew a wand and shot some kind of magical arrow at Garth, only for it to disappear in an explosion of light.


    Mareen reached for the book, and the tips of her fingers blackened in an instant, forcing the Corio to draw her hand back.


    ¡°This insolence comes with a price,¡± She said, glancing over at the mountain.


    Without a motion on her part, the wind picked up, violently swirling around them. It forced the dust of the desert up into the air, creating an effective blind and cutting off Grass¡¯s most powerful ability.


    Mareen shook off the crusting of burned flesh on her finger like a booger as the wall of dust isolated them away from the others.


    That¡¯s one way to do it, Garth thought, committing the last two pages to memory.


    ¡°Give me the book, it belongs to the Dan Ui Clan. If you force me to take it from you, there will be blood.¡±


    ¡°Insolence, huh?¡± Garth asked, snapping the book closed with one hand and putting it back in his pocket. ¡°Is that any way to talk to the Fu Koff clan?¡±


    Mareen paled, eyes widening.


    ¡°You really are him. Taller, Less ugly, but I can see it now.¡±


    ¡°Why does everyone have to comment on my face?¡± Garth demanded. ¡°I¡¯m glad the new one is pretty, but you¡¯re a Corio, human standards of beauty should be outside your wheelhouse.¡±


    Mareen snapped her hand up and Garth followed suit, both of them creating Lanterns. That were immediately in contention with each other, creating a Venn diagram of lightning bolts.


    Mareen¡¯s Lantern quickly overwhelmed his, tearing chunks away from his higher mana-saturation area until Garth contracted and compressed his, squeezing it down to a two-foot circle around himself that was more mana-sparse than hers, all the color leeched out of it.


    Her territory wrapped around and engulfed his, but she couldn¡¯t pop his bubble of claimed land.


    ¡°That really is the Divine Lantern,¡± She murmured, staring at his tiny, unpierceable Lantern.


    That thought seems sexual, somehow. Magical chastity be-oh shit!


    A block of stone appeared noiselessly over his head, and Garth was forced to support it with a tree, then fire back with jagged branches growing out of it. She wiped the wood away with some kind of invisible field that turned them to dust.


    ¡°Yes, you fight the same, too.¡±


    ¡°I could have told you that.¡±


    ¡°Master Dragus will have many questions for you, I¡¯m sure.¡±


    Didn¡¯t have a lot of questions last time, Garth thought, eyeing her suspiciously. She had a pretty overwhelming advantage. She had a wider range that she could summon magical effects in, way more experience, and most likely a much higher tier.


    All the Divine Lantern technique allowed him to do was not get his lantern snuffed out by a bigger one. It gave him a fighting chance, but not much of one.


    In a one on one fight, Garth was up shit creek.


    ¡°I don¡¯t suppose I could bribe you to look the other way again?¡± Garth said, stalling for time.


    ¡°It was not a bribe! It was a concession!¡±


    ¡°Sure, sure,¡± Garth said, nodding.


    Garth bolted. He put his head down and surrounded himself with the Fly spell, squeezing himself forward at unbelievable speeds like a watermelon seed between two fat fingers.


    Unfortunately Mareen was faster, catching up to him in a fraction of a second and tackling him to the dusty ground. They tumbled over each other for a few seconds, and in the exchange she somehow managed to pull a knife and stab him twice before he flooded his spores with mana, creating an explosion of Ironwood that failed to knock her back, flowing around her as if they were never meant to harm her in the first place.


    Damn causality defences. I gotta learn how to do those.


    Mareen dragged him to his feet, his skin blackening around the two stab wounds in his stomach.


    ¡°You know, I never thanked you for not holding my daughter hostage when you had the opportunity.¡± Garth said between coughs. Whatever was in that dagger was bad juju.


    ¡°I appreciate that.¡± She said, sliding the dagger back into its sheath as energy drained out of Garth¡¯s limbs.


    Cleanse


    Garth tried to use the cleansing spell on the wound, but it must not have been a poison, magical or otherwise. He didn¡¯t know what the hell it was, but it was circumventing his body¡¯s natural healing and any attempt he made to fix it magically.


    Grass, how much time do I have left?


    TWO MINUTES THIRTEEN SECONDS.


    Buy me some time, my body¡¯s not up to it.


    Outside the curtain of dust, explosions began to rock the landscape as Grass rained Swordfish down on the assembled armies like rain. Most of them exploded against powerful barriers, but here and there, the Swordfish managed to crack through the acolyte¡¯s defensive magics through sheer numbers, scattering lethal poison through the sky and bringing down even more.


    A Dan Ui clan member dropped out of the sky, landing four feet from where Mareen was holding Garth.


    ¡°I find you irritating.¡± She said, narrowing her eyes as Garth chuckled. Thanks to the Mythic Core, Grass could make as many Swordfish as he wanted.


    ¡°Give him to me, Mareen.¡± The Pan Ua woman said, cutting through the field of dust with half a dozen cohorts, ignoring the shouting and explosions going on outside the curtain. ¡°This man has the answers we need.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve already marked him,¡± Mareen said, nodding at Garth. ¡°He¡¯s Dan Ui property now.¡±


    Oh, I recognize this now. Garth thought, looking down at the blackened tendrils spreading across his skin. It was exactly like the curse that Cass had needed his help to remove.


    That¡¯s a pain in the ass. Garth didn¡¯t want to waste an entire Mythic Core decursing a wound. He was down to his last one, after all. It looked like he¡¯d have to ride it out until he could find a convenient moment to off himself.


    Hopefully the damn thing doesn¡¯t follow the soul.


    ¡°We¡¯ll see about that!¡±


    Pan Ua clan lady charged forward, and Mareen tossed him aside before raising her blade to meet the attack, throwing up bolts of lightning as their Lanterns intersected, evenly matched.


    Garth crawled away, chuckling as his stomach wounds ached and dripped black goop from where they¡¯d been trying to eat him from the inside out. The pain was starting to reach the point of a real stab wound, making his arms and legs even weaker than they had been already.


    How the hell was Cass okay after getting hit by something like this? Garth demanded as he crawled through the dirt as fast as he could.


    Maximum distance.


    ¡°Where do you think you¡¯re going?¡± A Pan Ua clan member with their distinctive orange and red footwear said, standing in front of him. He must be keen on seizing the prize while the heavyweights tussled.


    Garth glanced up and saw a young Benkei with a butt-chin and short-cropped black hair.


    You poor soul. No one that young could have possibly done something to deserve a butt chin.


    ¡°I was going to visit your mom. I got the itch.¡±


    He scowled and kicked Garth in the face, causing him to tumble backward, sliding to a halt at the shins of a blue and silver robed Dan Ui member.


    Shadow, I need some help.


    Shadow leapt out from beneath Garth and bit down on the woman¡¯s ankles, eliciting a shriek of pain.


    Garth coughed up a mouthful of black gunk, then raised his shaking hand to cast Illusion.


    He created the illusion of a massive black tentacle monster with a lamprey like set of jaws that unfolded in a howl. The surrounding Clan members were startled at first, but when the tentacles went through their weapons and vice versa, they simply chose to ignore the illusion, refocusing their attention on Garth. It wasn¡¯t real, after all.


    The Dan Ui woman, a meaty orc woman, kicked Shadow away and pinned Garth to the ground, looming huge overtop him as she throttled his neck.


    ¡°in you go, pup.¡± Garth rasped, glancing over at the black lab.


    Shadow¡¯s physical form unraveled into a pool of shadow that leapt straight into the tentacle monster.


    The orc woman was violently torn away from him as the illusion suddenly became real, along with half a dozen other people who had turned their backs on the figment. The unlucky orc woman was torn in half, while the other six were similarly dealt with. The situation devolved into a full-on war with the illusiory monster that had suddenly become real.


    A rather quick Pan Ua clan member still had the goal in sight, and he slid around the tentacle monster and shoved Garth out of its range, putting him where they could get at him.


    ¡°You¡¯re coming with me.¡± He said, out of breath, tugging what looked like a slice of core with a teleportation beacon on it. beam me up.


    That¡¯s not acceptable, Garth thought. He needed to stay on Earth.


    Garth focused his little remaining mana on a plant that reached out from his shoulder to grab the beacon, activating it on itself.


    With a flash of space mana, the beacon-activating-plant and the beacon itself ceased to exist on this plane.


    ¡°Damn you!¡± Shinta man snarled, raising a hand back, green mist swirling around it.


    Garth¡¯s vision was starting to get a little dim.


    A burst of white lightning seared his eyeballs, making it even harder to see. When he blinked the spots out of his eyes, he saw an ass standing in front of him that he would recognize anywhere. The Shinta was limping away from them with a seared left hand side.


    Alicia was glancing at him over her shoulder, and probably attributed his staring at her butt to be because he was close to death. That was also a factor.


    ¡°Garth, are you alright?¡±


    ¡°You¡­should¡­be¡­in¡­bed,¡± Garth wheezed as the curse began to eat away at his lungs. ¡°This¡­is¡­kinda¡­above¡­your¡­paygrade.¡±


    ¡°Who is this?¡± Mareen asked, wiping blood from her cursed dagger.


    ¡°I¡¯m his apprentice,¡± Alicia said with pride, jutting out her chin and daring Mareen to do something about it.


    ¡°Reeeeaaally?¡± Mareen asked with a tone that said far more about her intentions. He killed one of hers, and now she had the opportunity to return the favor.


    How much time? Garth thought.


    ONE MINUTE THIRTY SECONDS.


    I only bought forty-three seconds!?


    ¡°God¡­Damn..it.¡± Garth panted, weaving a teleport spell for Alicia. If he could get her to the other side of the planet, she wouldn¡¯t be able to get back in time to do something this uncharacteristically selfless again.


    Garth began weaving the space mana, but Mareen waved her hand and made it disappear like smoke.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if you knew this, but your master owes me a debt.¡± She said with a predatory smile. "And you''ve given me the opportunity to collect."


    ¡°Titty monster coming through!¡± Came a familiar voice.


    A man wearing assless chaps and a black leather cowboy hat and nothing else tore through the cloud of dust, neatly sandwiched between massive breasts that grew out of a gigantic centipede-like monster with a horrifying predator-face, running along on nipple legs.


    The boob-cowboy was holding the two giant nipples in front of him like reigns, pulling them close together and obscenely grinding between them as the monster undulated forward.


    ¡°Uhh-¡° Mareen was so caught off guard that the titty-monster knocked her aside with one of its mouth-arms, sending her tumbling violently away.


    ¡°Yeehaw!¡±


    That looks like fun, Garth thought, wheezing.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 193: Subpoena is hard to spell

    The boob-cowboy glanced over and spotted Jim with a knife through his chest and half of his floating ribs torn away.


    ¡°Well, Shee-it, looks like I missed the party.¡± He said as he dismounted, spitting some dark brown chew off to the side. He turned back toward Alicia, his hands on his hips, wedding tackle flopping in the dusty wind. This all would have been fine with Garth had the man not been wearing the same idealized body as Garth¡¯s. Obviously Dr. Daniels and he shared the same asthetic.


    ¡°Hey there, Missy,¡± he said with a deepened, southern accent. ¡°They call me the boob cowboy, or B.C. for short. You¡¯ve got a hell of a lotta talent to kill this varmint alone.¡± His eyes flickered down to her staggering hips and back up. ¡°Real talent.¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­¡± Alicia said, giving the abomination a confused, scared look as she backed away.


    ¡°She¡¯s¡­Taken¡­¡± Garth wheezed.


    ¡°Ho-lee Shit!¡± he said, flinching away from Garth. ¡°You¡¯re still alive. Hey, you look familiar, pardner.¡±


    ¡°Drop¡­the¡­bit.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll quit having fun when I¡¯m dead.¡± Dr. Daniels said, squatting down beside him. ¡°Nice to see you again, brother from an identical mother.¡± He poked Garth in his collapsing chest. ¡°You seem like you¡¯re in a hell of a pickle.¡±


    ¡°Listen¡­I¡­Hate¡­to¡­ask¡­a¡­favor¡­but¡­could¡­you¡­buy¡­another¡­


    SEVENTY-FIVE SECONDS.


    ¡°Seventy¡­five¡­seconds?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± he said, and the titty monster rushed off to wreak havoc on the dust filled battlefield. ¡°I don¡¯t need all of me to do that, though.¡±


    He sat his bare ass down on the dirt, regarding Garth impassively. ¡°So where have you been, winner of the cosmic coin toss?¡±


    ¡°Balls¡­deep¡­in¡­Beladia.¡±


    ¡°No kidding? Maybe I should consider converting, or at least adding to my portfolio.¡±


    ¡°I doubt¡­she¡¯d¡­take¡­you.¡±


    ¡°Please, from what I¡¯ve heard, she has lower standards than Munasei.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯bout¡­you?¡±


    ¡°I went a little crazy for awhile from eating too many people, but you know how that is. Also had to lay low because of the quarantine.¡±


    Garth saw a bimbo with ridiculously oversized pink lips and breasts searching through a headless orc¡¯s clothes until she found something she was looking for. She pulled out a golden artifact of some kind and twisted it, disappearing in an instant to some other planet.


    ¡°Should¡­I¡­be¡­worried?¡±


    ¡°Nah, Crystal¡¯s not the brightest bulb. She¡¯ll probably wind up working at a strip joint or an alien seven eleven.¡± Dr. Daniels said, following Garth¡¯s gaze. ¡°The one you really gotta watch out for is the mastermind supervillain I made when I got bored¡­oh, there he goes¡­nevermind.¡±


    He snapped his attention back to Garth. ¡°That reminds me, have you ever had sex as a woman? It¡¯s totally awesome, like, your entire body goes limp and you can¡¯t do anything but make monkey sounds.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­nice.¡±


    ¡°Who the hell is he?¡± Alicia asked.


    Garth limply waved at Dr. D. to do the introductions.


    ¡°Right,¡± he said, standing up and holding his hand out for a shake, incidentally affording Garth an excellent view of his bare ass. Garth rolled his eyes.


    ¡°My name is Garth Daniels, but when he and I are in the same place, we usually call me Dr. Daniels, or Dr. D.¡±


    When Alicia hesitantly grasped his hand, he clasped a second hand over it. ¡°Not gonna lie, I¡¯m digging the Hartman Hips, but if you ever want a little more up top, I¡¯m the guy to know. I haven¡¯t practiced in a few centuries, but altering the human body is like riding a bicycle.¡±


    She pulled her hand out of his, staring at him warily.


    ¡°Alicia Denton. Garth¡¯s apprentice.¡±


    ¡°Why apprentice yourself to the lame Garth when you can study under the cool one who can allow you to reshape your body on a whim? ¡­that reminds me¡­¡±


    He turned to Garth. ¡°Have you seen my dragon anywhere? Ink-black skin, green eyes, straight black hair, short-stack. I lost contact with her around Chicago.¡±


    ¡°I¡­saw¡­a¡­statue.¡±


    ¡°A statue is good, if she got famous, I might be able to get in touch with her again. Where was the statue?¡±


    ¡°His¡­Church.¡± Garth pointed a thumb.


    ¡°Son of a bitch!¡± Dr. Daniels stalked up to the corpse and started kicking it. ¡°How many things are you going to fucking steal from me before you¡¯re fucking satisfied!?¡±


    Alicia looked over and finally took a real good look at the corpse she¡¯d been standing next to for a while now.


    ¡°Is¡­is that the Founder?¡± she asked, barely above a whisper.


    She started shaking like a leaf, her face becoming white as snow as the blood drained from it.


    ¡°In a manner of speaking,¡± Garth said between gasps. ¡°Pretty sure the Founder was a magical parasite in my brother¡¯s head dictating his every move, but I¡¯m willing to be proven wrong.¡±


    ¡°Stupid, piece, of, shit,¡± Dr. Daniels said as he kicked the corpse. ¡°Steal, my, dragon?¡±


    Dr. Daniels took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders, turning back to Garth. ¡°So where¡¯s the other one?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Kuragor promised humiliation for Jim and Dragus. Where¡¯s the other one?¡±


    ¡°Working¡­on it.¡± Garth said.


    Time?


    TEN SECONDS.


    Mareen shot out of the dust like a bullet, her palm held out in front of her. Her hand flashed with a brilliant light, and an identical shape was torn through Dr. Daniel¡¯s head. Dr. Daniels staggered back, slumping to the ground and spilling brains everywhere while Mareen moved on.


    She swung her arm around to Alicia, and Garth used the last of his strength to reach out and wrench her feet out from under her.


    The blast of force cut a hand-shaped void through the air, that made a strange pinging sound as the air rushed back into the tunnel. Mareen was adjusting for another shot as Alecia fell, But Alicia was just a bit faster.


    Alicai screamed as Mana poured into her falling body, converted to lightning inside her and spilled out, slamming into Mareen with physical force, piercing her Lantern with raw energy.


    I guess that¡¯s one way to do it, Garth thought, irritated at being solely a spectator. It was taking all of his mana control to keep his brain running with its backup systems working overtime.


    Mareen hit the ground face first, but she didn¡¯t stay down, flipping over onto her feet in a mind-bendingly fast move while Alicia was still struggling to put her legs under her.


    Mareen snarled and raised her hand again, when Dr. Daniels caught the side of her face with a backhand. Mareen was catapulted away, limbs flailing as she spun through the air.


    ¡°Do you have any idea how much that stings?¡± he said, his head regrowing as bits of brain matter grew legs and inch-wormed their way up to his foot where they rejoined the rest of his body, T-1000 style.


    ¡°I¡¯m not here for you, abomination.¡± Mareen said.


    ¡°How about now?¡± Dr. Daniels said, waving a hand. At his bidding, mana everywhere pressed gently, precisely down on the dirt in the air, settling it all to the ground and revealing the desert battlefield, where thousands of clan members from across the multiverse were either being consumed by inhuman monsters, or fighting back to back with their sworn enemies to survive the tide of flesh that was washing over them from the east.


    The people being shoveled into the maw of terrifying horror-creatures or engulfed by normal-seeming civilians included the four hundred Dan Ui Clan members, who had been closer to the East, somehow brought down to earth and then overrun.


    Mareen let out a wordless scream of rage and sailed into the air. Garth saw mana flood in around her, gathering like a storm in quantities he¡¯d never seen a living being process before.


    She pointed her finger downward, and with the storm of mana coursing through her body, a single green bolt of densely packed mana shot forward, aimed at one of the abominations with a gaping mouth, currently devouring an unconscious Dan Ui member.


    The only way Garth could describe what happened next was a reverse nuclear blast. Like a shockwave travelling inward, mana congregated into a bright star at the tip of a single claw on the abomination¡¯s hand, where it intercepted the green bolt of energy, and together they ceased to exist.


    ¡°A curse?¡± The creatures said as one, looking up at Mareen. ¡°You think you can kill all of me through one of me? Allow me to respond in kind.¡±


    Every extention of Dr. D. raised a limb and a scintillating sphere formed around Mareen, beginning to shrink. The corio¡¯s form was partially concealed within the sphere, but Garth could see that she was attempting to break free.


    ¡°I¡¯ll crush you into a marble.¡± Dr. Daniels said, slowly clenching his fist as the sphere shrunk. ¡°The fun thing about this spell is it actually gets stronger the smaller the bubble gets. Surface area to power ratio. If you couldn¡¯t break out at first, you never will.¡±


    Mareen¡¯s horn¡¯s snapped off one after the other as the suffocating sphere closed down around her, jerking her head as the sudden pressure was released.


    Dr. Daniels could be a problem, Garth thought to himself. In the eight hundred years the creature had been missing, he¡¯d reached a level that Garth couldn¡¯t touch. Not yet, anyway.


    The sphere was about beach-ball sized when a light shone down from above, encasing Garth in a paralyzing field.


    ¡°By order of the Inner Spheres, Garth Daniels of Earth is under arrest for war crimes.¡± Came a booming voice in the sky.


    0 seconds.


    ¡°Eh?¡± Dr. Daniels said, moments before a blinding light bore down on him, reducing him and all his offshoots to ash.


    Garth knew that he had spares hidden away somewhere, though. The creature was impossible to get rid of.


    Dr. Daniel¡¯s spell unraveled, and Mareen and her horns fell towards the ground, unmoving. Another beam of light halted her mid-fall. More and more beams of light encased people, freezing them like they were trapped in amber, including Alicia beside him.


    ¡°You have all been subpoenaed.¡±


    Garth relaxed and allowed himself to fall unconscious. The fuzz had finally arrived, and that meant he could finally catch a nap.


    ***


    When he opened his eyes again, he was in a rather spacious prison cell, thirty feet by sixty feet, with a king-sized bed, walk-in closet, partially detached kitchen and master bathroom.


    He looked down at his chest and stomach and saw that the rotting curse he¡¯d been struck with had been cured by means unknown, leaving him once again with his unearned six pack.


    Garth peeled the silk sheets off and slid his feet out onto the lukewarm floor, flexing and unflexing his toes while he yawned lazily.


    This is the life.


    The way he knew it was a prison cell was that one side of the entire room was made of reinforced glass that allowed spectators and guards to keep a close eye on him. That and he had already been informed where he would end up, and what it would look like.


    ¡°Chi¡¯tet, nice to see you again.¡± Garth said, scratching himself as he hunted around the cell for some pants. The Tzetin lawyer was sitting outside the glass on a table with a briefcase and notepad. Very lawyerly.


    ¡°You as well. It took quite a while for your body to reverse the damage in a mana-voided environment, you missed a week of planning.¡±


    Garth glanced up at the massive Aether crystals in the ceiling flushing all the mana out of the room.


    ¡°I¡¯ll bet.¡±


    ¡°You have two weeks until your Trial. During the time you have been asleep, I have been in contact with the estate and it has agreed to name you as the owner. I also made overtures to Mr. Nielshin, and he has responded positively to your sentencing bargain. So far so good¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sensing a but, here.¡± Garth said, eyeing the subtle twitching of


    ¡°He wishes that you avoid embarrassing him, and requires you to work elves rule, Humans drool into a sentence while in court.¡±


    Garth chuckled. ¡°That¡¯s an easy one.¡±


    ¡°Very well, I wasn¡¯t sure you¡¯d agree to the terms. I¡¯ll make a note.¡± Chi¡¯tet said.


    ¡°How much was my bounty?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Forty million Credits,¡± she said, still scribbling.


    ¡°Does that cover my retainer?¡±


    ¡°Barely,¡± Chi¡¯tet said with a bit of humor/sarcasm in the inflection of her antennae. ¡°I¡¯ve already used a fair amount of it to make sure you were assigned to a prison of our liking, where you¡¯re unlikely to disappear under mysterious circumstances, along with securing the amenities you see, as well as your cellmate.¡±


    ¡°My what?¡±


    Alicia stepped out of the kitchen, dunking a bit of bread in soup. She glanced up and spotted Garth talking to Chi¡¯tet in the nude, turned bright red and spun on her heel, heading back.


    She was wearing a t-shirt and underwear stretched tight by her spellbinding butt, showing a few tantalizing inches of tummy where her shirt rode up. She had mussed up hair, like she¡¯d just gotten out of bed.


    ¡°You¡¯re one of the good ones, Chi¡¯tet. You and your mom.¡±


    ¡°I provide this level of support for all my clients. You are not special.¡±


    ¡°Sure, sure,¡± Garth said, eyeing the kitchen that Alicia had retreated to. ¡°You said I¡¯ve got two weeks locked in a penthouse?¡±


    ¡°Fifteen days to be more precise.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna go¡­Have some breakfast.¡±


    Chi¡¯tet did the Tzetin equivilant of an eye-roll.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 194: Jailhouse rock (Explicit)

    Macronomicon


    ¡°My god,¡± Garth said with a groan as he collapsed into the downy alien bed. ¡°Can you believe we¡¯ve been having nonstop sex for the last two weeks?¡±


    Alicia raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°You woke up yesterday.¡±


    ¡°Eh, it was worth a shot.¡±


    ¡­.


    Day 1:


    She chuckled, her hand unconsciously traveling to the necklace Garth could just barely make out under her state-issued jumper, reassuring herself it was still there.


    ¡°What¡¯s the necklace?¡± Garth asked, curiousity piqued.


    ¡°Nothing!¡± she said, tearing her hand away from it and clearing her throat. ¡°It¡¯s nothing, just a keepsake I wear all the time.¡±


    Garth searched his memories. It seemed like she¡¯d started wearing it a month or two after they¡¯d met, and been fiddling with it when she thought he wasn¡¯t paying attention.


    It only took him a couple second to crack the body language, running back over every time he¡¯d seen her wearing it.


    Some kind of contraceptive? Garth thought. Wonder how she got them to let her bring it into the prison. Garth glanced up at the massive Aether crystals in the ceiling making the entire place a dead zone. Wonder if it even works in here.


    The point was kind of moot because Garth had designed his lich-body unable to have kids until he wanted to, almost like a bit of magical vasectomy. He felt like it might have been a bit of an insult to Beladia, but she was a pretty understanding goddess.


    No more accidentally being a daddy eight months early. That had been one of the most stressful situations of his life. Blackmailing criminal empires didn¡¯t come close. You don¡¯t have to bottle feed Keizer soze.


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said, drawing his mind back to the present, where Alicia was stretching out, back turned to him and the large window with guards on the other side. Not the most romantic of two week getaways, but he could make it work. She idly itched her head, before her gaze fell on the bathroom.


    ¡°Taking a shower?¡± he asked as she headed for the room, the only one with a decent amount of privacy. Which made it a hotbed for fun-times.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± She said as she sashayed toward the bathroom, her hips drawing a hypnotic figure eight as she moved.


    ¡°Can I help?¡±


    Alicia froze in place.


    ¡°Okay.¡± Her voice hitched as she spoke, almost a squeak. Then she cleared her throat and strode into the bathroom, out of sight of the guards.


    Garth followed her to the walk-in shower, closing the door behind him. He could see her pulse pounding madly in her neck and cheeks as she stood there, watching him expectantly, between the sink and the walk-in shower.


    Freakin¡¯ prison¡¯s got nicer facilities than most people.


    The floors were concrete, but they had some kind of laminate and stain that gave them a homey look, leading into the walk-in shower that was big enough to lay down in.


    Which Garth intended to.


    ¡°You need help with the first step?¡± Garth asked, stepping closer and fingering the first button of her shirt.


    ¡°No, I can do it!¡± She said, stepping back and raising her hand to her buttons, flushing furiously.


    Garth gently caught her hand before she was able to do anything, drawing her attention back towards his eyes. ¡°Do you want help with the first step?¡± he asked, unbuttoning the top of her blouse.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­I never¡­¡±


    ¡°it¡¯s fun, trust me,¡± Garth said, slipping each individual button loose and slowly drawing the shirt down over her shoulders, keeping eye contact with her the entire time. She began shivering as his wrists slid against her bare arms, drawing her shirt away and placing it on the nearby counter.


    ¡°Good?¡± he asked.


    Alicia nodded.


    He¡¯d seen her breasts before. Twice in fact, but it had never been even remotely sexual. Seeing those tender nipples on her modest breasts in this context nearly made him loose his calm and spend ten minutes playing with them.


    Garth brushed his fingers down her front, angling for her pants She gasped as he lightly pinched her nipples on the way down before settling his hands on her waistband.


    Her belt was free in a matter of seconds, and he knelt in front of her, sliding her pants down over her luscious curves, tingling travelling up his arms as he brushed against her silken skin.


    ¡°Step, and step,¡± Garth said, tugging the pants out from beneath her feet. Then he stood up to admire his handiwork.


    The raven-haired girl was watching him with nervous energy and visible arousal, shifting her hips and unconsciously touching herself over her black lace underwear.


    ¡°Undies now?¡±


    She nodded mutely.


    Garth slid his hands down the small of her back and dragged her underwear along for the ride, stroking her generous bottom as his hands carried the underwear downward. She held her trembling fingers over her crotch as he knelt to slide the silk undies rest of the way down, having her step out of them one leg at a time and placing them on top of her pants.


    ¡°There we go, step one complete.¡± Garth said, shrugging out of his clothes as she watched, her gaze feverishly travelling up and down his body, only stopping when she met his gaze again.


    ¡°So¡­um, what do we ¨C ¡° she began.


    ¡°We take a shower.¡± Garth said, ushering her into the standing shower, admiring her slender form as he guided her in.


    Garth spun the handle and started the shower, a contraption that would bring heated water from outside the mana void and rain it down on their heads. The temperature didn¡¯t get very hot, but it was a prison, after all, he wasn¡¯t expecting five stars.


    Although I¡¯d give that five stars, Garth thought as he watched Alicia rinse, swaying from foot to foot as she closed her eyes and let water trickle down her body. Her body was lean, with a thin layer of fat over an athletic frame¡­and those buns. Garth had to fight the urge to kneel down and chew on them.


    Probably a little early for butt chewing.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna wash your back now,¡± Garth said after a couple minutes, pumping a bit of soap on his palm.


    ¡°Oh, okay.¡± She said, turning around.


    ¡°hands on the wall.¡±


    Alicia hesitated an instant before she obeyed, frowning at him over her shoulder. Then she groaned in pleasure as he worked sudsy hands over her small back, putting a lot of pressure into it, making it nearly a massage.


    ¡°Spread your legs and stick out your butt.¡±


    She didn¡¯t hesitate this time, closing her eyes and putting her forehead against the walls as she spread her legs, and arched her back, showing him her soft, glistening pussy lips right beneath her tight little butthole.


    Garth was hard in an instant.


    Down boy.


    Today wasn¡¯t going to be sex. Not penetrative, anyway.


    ¡°Gotta get your legs.¡± He said, working his soapy hands over her hips and down her outer thighs, before working his way back up her inner thighs, slowly getting closer to her drooling pussy.


    She began to moan and twitch as he stroked her inner thighs, just beneath her sex, where her body was incredibly sensitive.


    Soap in the cooch was bad, though, so Garth pulled out a detachable shower head and rinsed her off before he began to stroke directly over her pussy.


    ¡°ooh,¡± Alicia let out a moan of pleasure that seemed to startle her.


    ¡°How does that¡­Nnn¡­feel so good?¡± she gasped as she tried to bite back her noises.


    ¡°There¡¯s good sex, and bad sex,¡± Garth said, his left hand slowly inching forward, until the tip of his middle finger was making tiny circles around her clit, while his other fingers were drenched, sinking into her wet pussy.


    ¡°I get the feeling you haven¡¯t had much of the former.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t¡­Know¡­it could feel¡­so good¡­¡± she groaned, completely surrendering to his touch, her upper body lowering against the wall, arching her back further and unconsciously lining herself up with his throbbing cock.


    ¡°This?¡± Garth asked with a raised brow. ¡°This is just a handjob.¡±


    Garth waited until she was on the very edge of cumming, watching the slowly building pattern of gasps and twitches, until she was a hairs breadth away from climax.


    Garth pulled his left hand away from her clit.


    ¡°wha ¨C¡°


    Garth raised his right hand back and planted a good, stinging swat on her right butt cheek, enjoying her gasp, and the way her buns jiggled.


    ¡°Wait, that¡¯s ¨C ¡°


    Garth spanked her three more times before she began to shudder in orgasm, her legs buckling out from under her as she collapsed to the wet, soapy concrete floor.


    ¡°Have fun?¡± he asked as she recovered. She nodded mutely.


    Day 4:


    Garth finished undressing Alicia for their shower as per usual. She didn¡¯t hide herself from him anymore, which was nice.


    Might be about time to introduce some new concepts.


    This time, though, she didn¡¯t jump into the shower to wait for him, instead watching him as he started to get undressed.


    ¡°Can¡­can I help you?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Of course.¡± Garth said, taking his hands away from his shirt.


    Alicia stepped close, looking up into his eyes as she lifted the shirt over his chest, struggling to tug it up and over his head. She stared at his chest for a breathless moment before she kneeled in front of him, her breath brushing the front of his pants as she unfastened his belt.


    Looking down at the girl kneeling in front of him, her succulent bottom jutting out behind her, was enough to get him halfway hard, throbbing inside his pants. When she glanced up at him with a questioning look, seemingly asking if she was doing it right, Garth was diamonds.


    Alicia yanked his pants and underwear down in one fell swoop, perhaps nervous or not thinking about seduction, letting his cock fly free to bounce in front of her nose. She stared at his member, swallowing nervously. She reached up and gently placed a hand on his cock. She glanced up at Garth.


    Garth allowed her to satisfy her curiosity, standing patiently while she turned his cock this way and that, asking him questions and studying it from every angle. After ten minutes of standing there with a girl kneeling in front of him and asking questions, Garth finally stepped out of his pants, breaking the spell.


    ¡°Oh, sorry,¡± she said, standing and heading into the shower.


    It had become something of a habit for Alicia to bend over for him after she was done with her hair, and today was no exception. She bent low, her pussy glistening as she waited for him to pleasure her.


    This time, Garth got much closer, laying his cock between her amazing ass cheeks and reaching around her front.


    ¡°Mmmm.¡± Alicia moaned as he soaped his cock up and began grinding it between her cheeks. His left hand was working with her breasts while his right caressed her sopping pussy, working her clit towards an orgasm.


    ¡°How¡¯s that?¡± he asked, sliding his length between her jiggly cheeks.


    ¡°It¡¯s rubbing against my butt a little,¡± she said, her voice feathery with pleasure. ¡°It feels nice.¡±


    Hmm¡­


    Garth kept going until she came, clamping his hands down on her hips to hold her up as she shook through the climax, trembling against the wall.


    ¡°Can you do me a favor?¡± Garth asked as she became able to support her weight again.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Just stay there for a moment,¡± he said.


    Alicia nodded, putting her hands back on the wall and jutting her butt out for him.


    He buried himself in her crack and grabbed her two voluminous asscheeks, folding them over himself and using his thumb to keep himself buried.


    Just like that Garth began pleasuring himself using her buns, thrusting far harder than he¡¯d been able to when his hands had been occupied by other parts of her body.


    Alicia was caught off guard by his sudden vigor. She yelped and slipped, catching herself against the wall as he used her body to relieve himself, his balls slapping against her sensitive butt as he slammed into her.


    Her arms buckled and she went to her elbows against the concrete wall, pushed forward by his desperate thrusting.


    The feeling of smooth skin sliding up and down his cock after so many months of waiting was too much to bear, and Garth came like a firehose, spreading hot cum across Alicia¡¯s back. It was such a long time coming that it felt like the cum wasn¡¯t pumping out, but spraying in one constant purge, painting her slim body and thick ass white with cum.


    ¡°Oh god, I needed that,¡± Garth said, staggering away. This time he was the one who collapsed.


    ¡°I felt how much there was,¡± Alicia said, panting as she stood up straight, touching her back and bringing it up to study. ¡°That was a lot.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to tell me,¡± Garth said, sprawling on the shower floor, arms and legs akimbo. ¡°I was there.¡±


    ¡°Why do you smell like fruit?¡± she asked, frowning at the white substance on her hand.


    ¡°Because I can do whatever the fuck I want.¡± Garth said, staring at the ceiling.


    She seemingly made up her mind and put a bit on the tip of her tongue.


    ¡°Why do you taste like a Pina Colada?¡±


    ¡°What, you don¡¯t like it?¡± Garth asked, peering up at her.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s just, not what I heard¡­men are supposed to taste like.¡±


    ¡°I can change it once we¡¯re out of here, if you want. Strawberry daiquiri¡­or chocolate maybe? Most drinks are plant-based.¡±


    ¡°You are a very strange man.¡± She said, idly scraping more of his cum off her back and licking it off her fingers with relish.


    And that is why I do it, Garth thought, watching her enjoy his cum.


    Day 7:


    ¡°I understand that they don¡¯t have any sweets in this prison,¡± Garth said, setting aside the law book he was reading in bed, glancing down at Alicia vigorously pumping her spit-wetted hand up and down his shaft, occasionally dropping her head down to slurp up some of his sweet pre-cum. ¡°but being treated like desert is a little degrading.¡±


    ¡°Seems like a fair trade to me,¡± she said, waiting for him to tense up. When she spotted the signs he was cumming, she sealed her lips around his cock and started drinking, her eyes fluttering in pleasure as Garth clutched the bedsheets and arched his back, trying his best not to alert the guards on the other side of the window as he pumped mouthfuls of cum into her waiting lips.


    ¡°Or are you not enjoying yourself?¡± she asked after savoring his taste and swallowing.


    ¡°Umm¡­¡±


    Day 9:


    ¡°Can you¡­put it in?¡± Alicia asked, glancing over her shoulder as he thrusted his cock between her thighs, brushing against her drooling pussy as he did.


    ¡°Of course,¡±Garth said, his hearts hammering in his chest. ¡°Tilt your hips back further, lower your chest.¡± Here we go.


    She complied, lining her pussy up with him, trying to keep an eye on what was going on despite the terrible angle.


    Garth rubbed against her entrance for a few seconds, then guided the head of his cock past her soft, drenched lips.


    She felt like heaven.


    Garth slowly pushed inside Alicia, until he was pressed firmly against her ass. Her soft, wet flesh wrapped around him, sending tingles of pleasure all the way up his spine.


    ¡°OOooaoooaooa,¡± Alicia let out a long, soft groan, like he¡¯d somehow managed to squeeze all the air out of her lungs with his cock.


    Garth pulled out, and thrust back in, falling into an easy rhythm with low impact, deliberately avoiding bumping against her cervix or jostling her around. He wanted to isolate just the sensation of his cock in her pussy, and let her feel only that.


    ¡°Oh, Munasei, Oh, Oh gods!¡± she said, slipping further down the wall as her arms grew weak.


    ¡°You like this?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Yes, yes,¡± She nodded, gasping into the wall.


    ¡°Well, it gets better.¡± He said, allowing himself to plunge just a little deeper, bottoming out inside her.


    ¡°Gah, oh, Munasei! That¡¯s incredible!¡± she gasped, her fingers and toes curling at the foreign sensation of her cervix getting love taps. Her hands slipped off the wall, and she put them on the floor as Garth humped her, starting to put some weight into it.


    They were fucking like animals, now, and Garth wasn¡¯t sure he wanted her whole experience to be like that. A moment later, he pulled out, and she collapsed to the ground, a shivering mess.


    ¡°Would you like to try another position?¡±


    ¡°okay.¡±


    He gently placed her on her back on the warm stone and spread her legs.


    ¡°This is how¡­¡± She muttered to herself, her body tensing.


    ¡°You good?¡±


    Alicia looked up at him and nodded.


    Garth kneeled in front of her, lined himself up and plunged in, eliciting another gasp of pleasure from the slender girl beneath him.


    He leaned forward and scooped up her head and upper body, cradling it against his chest while he rammed her pussy over and over, panting like an animal as he sought to breed her.


    It was the strangest dichotomy between tenderness and lust, and Alicia just held him back, moaning in pleasure as he invaded the deepest parts of her body to satisfy his desire, her nails pinpricks of pain against the building wave of pleasure.


    Garth groaned as he came, instinctively thrusting himself against her deepest part and flooding it with cum. He heard her gasp beside his ear, prompting him to lean down and bite her shoulder as he came, holding her still as she accepted every ounce of his Pina Colada.


    The bite caused her to go over the edge, her whole body shivering as her orgasm caused her pussy to contract and relax, pulling as much of him in as it could, milking the last of his seed out of him.


    Garth leaned away from her, and saw Alicia sating at the ceiling and shivering, a fresh bite mark on her shoulder.


    It took a minute for her to look at him, her eyes tearing up.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± She said, laughing softly, tears streaming down either side of her face.


    Day 11:


    ¡°Mmm,¡± Alicia said as he slid his lubricated thumb over her butthole, gently massaging it in circles. ¡°It¡¯s kind of tickly, and good at the same time?¡±


    ¡°How about this?¡± Garth said, slowly pushing his thumb in.


    And this is why we give ourselves a lube-organ, He thought, flexing the tiny muscle in his lower abdomen to push a bit more lube out of his cock and into his palm, pulling his thumb out and picking up more before smearing it around her asshole. Natalie would have liked it.


    If I was going to make all my upgrades for fighting I might as well blow my own head off now.


    ¡°It¡¯s weird, feels like I have to poop, but also feels really good.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s normal.¡± Garth said, returning his left hand to her clit.


    ¡°Oh, wow.¡± She shuddered and gasped, her booty shaking as her hips twitched.


    Garth had already made all of his anal mistakes in his teenage years, so Alicia was able to benefit from his experience, which boiled down to lots of lube and a slow pace.


    Eventually she was comfortable enough for him to finger-fuck her warm asshole while he kept her edging with his other hand, enjoying the feeling of her ass clenching and unclenching around him while she rode the edge of an orgasm, her small hands balled into fists on the wet floor as she let out guttural, animalistic groans.


    Day 13:


    Not making many mistakes led to rather quick development. Faster than Garth thought possible, anyway.


    ¡°You¡¯re a natural.¡± Garth said, enjoying the feel of her tight asshole stroking up and down his shaft. She had a wider natural comfort zone than other women he¡¯d known, and was able to handle all of him, easily.


    ¡°Don¡¯t say that,¡± Alicia said as she rode him, touching her clit as she slammed her juicy butt up and down against his hips, swallowing his cock with her ass until he could feel her against his balls. She wasn¡¯t going at a slow, pleasure-oriented pace, either.


    She was rocking her hips up and down at a speed that was best described as athletic, slamming down against him a couple times a second in a desperate effort to suck the cum out of him.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been with people who are not naturals.¡± Garth said with a shrug, pushing a bit more lube into her as she rode him. ¡°You are a natural.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not my fault.¡± She gasped. ¡°It was Munasei. She messed with my class.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure it works like that,¡± Garth said, frowning up at her. ¡°It¡¯s not like it¡¯s a bad thing, either.¡±


    ¡°I know that¡­now!¡± She said as she thrusted down with a little extra power, tightening around him as she pulled up, creating a moment of mind-bending pleasure.


    Garth couldn¡¯t withstand that forever. A few minutes later, he began to tense up and she started slamming down against him with everything she had.


    ¡°Cum in me, cum in my ass!¡± She gasped as Garth grabbed her hips and held himself as deep as he could inside her. She shivered in time with his pumping, bringing herself to screaming orgasm before collapsing on top of him.


    Garth stood, letting his cock slide out of her ass as he held her up in a princess carry. She gave the slightest moan and shudder as he came free, but didn¡¯t open her eyes. Instead she nestled into his chest and started snoring.


    Garth took the shower head and rinsed them both with warm water, dried Alicia off and put them both to bed.


    Day 14:


    ¡°My god,¡± Garth said with a groan as he collapsed into the downy alien bed. ¡°Can you believe we¡¯ve been having nonstop sex for the last two weeks?¡±


    Alicia threw a pillow at his face.


    ¡°You knew!¡± she shouted.


    ¡°I suspected.¡± He said, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her in close. ¡°Why, you wanna stop?¡±


    She growled and leaned in for a kiss, her soft lips exploring his own, while her warm body conformed to his. Garth reached down and felt the heat radiating from between her legs, inwardly delighted when she spread her legs for him, allowing him to massage her crotch over her underwear.


    Chi¡¯tet cleared her throat the Tzetin way, with lots of harsh chittering. ¡°If you don¡¯t mind, I¡¯d like to discuss our plans for the day after tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re still here?¡± Garth asked, breaking away from Alicia¡¯s fierce kisses.

 Chapter 195: Miss Trial

    Garth walked into the alien courtroom, wearing a prisoner badge that made it impossible to conceive of ---------¡­whatever it made it impossible to conceive of. His head was on a swivel, gawking at the many, many ways it was different from a human courtroom.


    The entire thing seemed like it was built to house giants, for starters. There was an inordinate amount of room down the hall and between each and every seat, along with a ceiling that stretched fifty feet in the air, far enough that Garth was a little suspicious that there might be weather in here of some kind.


    The entire place was lit by a dim red light. Garth supposed that might be easier on creatures with some kind of night-vision, but it made it pretty freaking spooky for a human. Alicia¡¯s hesitant steps being a case in point.


    The attendants herded her to the spectator seats, and Garth to the defendant chair, where Chi¡¯tet joined him, wearing a ridiculous robe¡­thingy. It was brown silk down to her feet and split around her secondary arms, nearly dragging on the floor.


    ¡°You really have to wear that?¡± Garth whispered as people of every size and shape began flooding into the courtroom, eager to get a peek at the guy who waterboarded an elf. Or maybe they were just here to get a look at the memory of the event.


    ¡°It¡¯s tradition, shut up.¡± Chi¡¯tet said, opening her briefcase and preparing her notes. ¡°Don¡¯t forget to say the line.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m on it.¡± Garth said. He¡¯d been feeling pretty relaxed the last couple weeks, so he was about to smile and wave to the gawkers, but then he realized that was something serial killers did, so he decided to just focus on looking innocent.


    More and more people were filtering in, even a few he recognized. There was Mareen, and even one of the guys who had been standing behind the Dan Ui grandmaster what¡¯s-his-name when they destroyed L.A.


    ¡­forty eight years ahead of schedule.


    Garth nodded at them with a tight smile. They in turn watched him like a hawk.


    ¡°All rise for the honorable judge Timmy Pandscam.¡±


    They all stood, and a slime monster not unlike the one who¡¯d sold him his first Status band oozed over to the judge¡¯s seat and settled into the scoop chair, overlooking them with it¡¯s eyeless wisdom.


    ¡°Be seated,¡± It said. It¡¯s translated voice was old and dignified, but Garth had no way of telling its age or gender¡­at all. It was beside the point, but Garth couldn¡¯t help wondering if they chose sexless, ageless, formless judges to be as free from prejudice as possible.


    ¡°We will now begin the trial of this revolting stick-person.¡±


    And replaced it with other kinds, I guess.


    ¡°Now, let the prosecution present the charges.¡±


    The guy on the other side of the theater, a tall blue Shinta with his own brown robes, stood and opened his notebook, which unfolded into a list the length of Garth¡¯s arm.


    ¡°The charges are as follows: Dereliction of duty, desertion, theft of government property, impersonating an officer¡­¡±


    Garth spaced out for a moment as he checked each of the boxes, nodding to himself.


    ¡°Sale and distribution of narcotics, failure to adhere to city zoning ordinance, intention to reproduce spellbooks without a license...¡±


    Garth zoned out again.


    I think some fried chicken when I get back to Earth would be awesome. We¡¯ve got the birds for it. I could reintroduce KFC. Eeeh¡­maybe not. Still gonna have some fried chicken though.


    Garth was tapping his fingers on the table, bending his colossal intelligence on figuring out The Colonel¡¯s secret recipe, when the prosecution read the last charge.


    ¡°And finally, the assault and torture of an elf.¡±


    A collective gasp rippled through the observers.


    ¡°They act like that¡¯s a bad thing,¡± Garth said, glancing around.


    ¡°The elves are denizens of the First World, they are immortal and at the Apex of the inner spheres. Just because he was young, weak and stupid didn¡¯t make him not an elf.¡±


    ¡°Eh,¡± Garth said with a shrug, ¡°Working out for us so far.¡±


    ¡°You¡­¡± Chi¡¯tet gave him an angry antennae wiggle before returning to her notes.


    Garth twiddled his thumbs and rocked back and forth in his chair, until the glacially slow trial got to the important part.


    ¡°Do you, Garth Daniels, deny these accusations?¡±


    Garth stood and cleared his throat.


    ¡°You know, back on my planet, we know that the elves are untouchable and better than us in every way. We even have a saying, Elves rule, humans drool, that crystalizes exactly how lame and unworthy we are compared to them. I¡¯m not even fit to lick an elf¡¯s boot. I know this, and I unequivocally deny these heinous allegations.¡± Garth said before sitting back down.


    ¡°I see,¡± the blob said in a tone that made Garth think it would be rubbing its temples if it had them. ¡°Since this trial is a bit of a special case, I¡¯ll call upon the services of an apostle of Ferenor to make sure there is no doubt as to the outcome of this trial.¡± The blob handed a note to the bailiff before turning back to address the court.


    Ferenor was, according to Chi¡¯tet, the god of Truth, and their Apostles were capable of telling the veracity of anything, even doctored images, or, more pertinent to Garth¡¯s situation: memories.


    They were also notoriously hard to bribe, but Chi¡¯tet had been able to find an inroad with one that involved exposing lies.


    The trial continued for a good hour before the apostle showed up.


    A corio woman wearing yellow robes that seemed to be spun from sunlight was guided by the bailiff into the theater to sit beside the prosecution. No matter how hard Garth stared, he couldn¡¯t see through them, despite how they seemed to be made from air.


    ¡°Welcome, Maya Onerein, It honors us to have you in this court.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± She said, with a nod, glancing over at Garth and frowning. They hadn¡¯t met yet, but Chi¡¯tet had.


    Garth smiled and waved.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t mind, would you repeat your earlier statement denying the assault and torture of an elf working for the Inner Spheres?¡±


    Garth leaned forward and spoke into his microphone, ¡°Didn¡¯t do it.¡±


    Maya¡¯s eyes widened.


    ¡°Well, Miss Onerein?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s an Apostle of Pala.¡± She said. ¡°I can¡¯t read his words.¡±


    The crowd began speaking over each other in hushed tones that flitted around the theater while Garth sat back and waited for the next development.


    It¡¯s not just the ingredients, I¡¯ve gotta make some kind of fluffer that can make the batter the exact right consistency to make that extra crispy chicken skin. Maybe I can make a plant that makes and whips the batter all at once. I don¡¯t think there¡¯s any animal product in there¡­ even if there were, I could always replicate fats and proteins and junk.


    Why not take it one step further? Why not make a fried chicken fruit tree? Garth imagined a tree that grew wings, thighs, and drumsticks in a kind of un-fried state, with the batter just below the surface. Then when it was detached from the tree, it would trigger a burst of magic that would expel the batter to the surface, which would then crisp from a sudden wave of high heat.


    It might burn the people who pick it, though¡­Well, you gotta make some sacrifices for freshness.


    ¡°I see,¡± the blob said, exasperation clearly in his tone now. ¡°I always dreaded the day I¡¯d receive a disciple of Pala in my courtroom. I¡¯m glad you¡¯re here, Miss Onerein. I invoke my power as a representative of the Inner Spheres to order a Mnemonic Testimony.¡±


    ¡°Here we go,¡± Chi¡¯tet clicked softly.


    ¡°Sir,¡± Maya Onerein said, heading over to Garth¡¯s seat.


    ¡°Hey, wait, doesn¡¯t using my own memories against me break some kinda rule?¡± Garth said as she approached, really wishing there were some way to -------


    Stupid prisoner badge.


    The Corio Apostle strode up to him and put a hand to his forehead, and his life began flashing before his eyes, like a bad VHS tape on fast forward, scanning dispassionately through his life, although she seemed to pause for a moment or two on some of the more explicit memories before moving on.


    Finally, She got to the moment in question, where he¡¯d tied Argus down and waterboarded him.


    Garth felt a mental pinch as she copied the memory and drew it out of him.


    This is make or break right here, Garth thought, hoping she¡¯d extended the copied memory by the thirty seconds he¡¯d need.


    An apostle of Ferenor couldn¡¯t tell whether memories in the head of an apostle of Pala were fabrications or not, as they were still part of the Apostle and fell under her protection, but once the memories were removed, that protection fell away, and the Apostle could tell the audience for a fact, whether or not the memories spoke the truth.


    A little truth-y loophole.


    ¡°I have the memory,¡± Maya said, heading back to the prosecution¡¯s desk and manifesting a glowing blue ball at the tips of her fingers, placing it in a depression built into the deck.


    A hologram of Garth¡¯s memory leapt out of the desk, dominating the space between the desks and the judge¡¯s panel.


    Garth saw his point of view as he poured water over the towel pressed over Argus¡¯s face, shortly before taking it off, then glancing up at Sandi, who grinned back at him.


    The courtroom watched in stunned silence as the elf¡¯s struggles got more and more intense, nearly passing out several times, until words caused Garth to glance up, spotting the assembled might of the Dan Ui Clan.


    On Earth.


    When they weren¡¯t supposed to be.


    Then the memory cut out.


    ¡°What can you say about this memory?¡± Timmy said.


    ¡°Having removed it from the Apostle, I can verify that every part of it is accurate and unaltered.¡± Maya said. ¡°What was seen there was what happened.¡±


    ¡°Enter it as evidence M.T. G.D.  nine oh seven five three.¡± The judge said, consulting a notepad as he spoke to the clerk taking notes.


    ¡°Seems like this is going to be a shorter trial than I was expecting,¡± Judge Pandscam said, wiggling in pleasure. ¡°We¡¯ll take a short recess, and then continue with the trial.¡±


    Just like that, the trial continued, while Garth tried to figure out a way to bring crispy chicken skins back at an affordable, convenient pace.


    Garth got slapped with the guilty verdict on most of the things he was charged with in a matter of hours, especially the elf-torture. Not that Garth was really hoping to be able to win an innocent plea. He just had to plead innocent to get the memory taken as evidence.


    Then they moved on to sentencing.


    ¡°If I had my way, I¡¯d have them throw you in a hole until the end of time and be done with it,¡± Timmy Pandscam said, his voice carrying an undercurrent of anger. ¡°But it seems like Argus Nielshin would like to exercise an esoteric law that gives him, as the aggrieved elf, the right to carry out your sentencing. May Kolath have mercy on you.¡±


    Timmy Pandscam slimed his way off the bucket chair and oozed offstage, and was shortly replaced by a familiar face, one Argus Neilshin, who cleaned and transmuted the chair into a human-shaped one with a wave of his hand.


    The simple scoop turned into a gaudy, gold-plated chair padded in thick red velvet, designed to make whoever was sitting in it look tasteless and important.


    Argus plopped down in the chair and laced his fingers together, leaning forward eagerly.


    ¡°Hello again Garth,¡± he said, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

 Chapter 196: 1 Night of Rehabilitation

    ¡°Ah, Garth, what to do with you?¡± Argus said, toying with the tiny symbol of the Inner Spheres on the desk in front of him.


    ¡°Do you have any idea what that little stunt cost me, in influence, in prestige, in honor? My father still plays the memory of it every decade at the Festhall.¡± He jabbed his finger into the desk. ¡°Every. Decade.¡±


    ¡°Nothing worse than that has happened to you in eight hundred years?¡± Garth asked, genuinely confused. If life had taught him anything, it was that an infinite life must by necessity contain infinite suffering. Maybe Argus wasn¡¯t experiencing his fair share, but eight hundred years was plenty of time for something bad to happen to him.


    ¡°Do not speak out of turn, or I will have the bailiff reprimand you.¡± Argus said. Garth raised an eyebrow, but sat back in his chair and let the angry elf blow off some steam.


    ¡°I spent so many nights, thinking how you¡¯d done me wrong. And as much as I hated you, the adversity made me strong. I learned how to get along.¡±


    Garth desperately tried to keep a straight face, his stomach cramping from where he was muscling down the giggles.


    ¡°And now you¡¯re back with that sad look on your face, and you expect me to forgive most of a millennia of humiliation?¡±


    ¡°Bahahahahaha!¡± Garth burst out laughing, unable to keep it in any longer. It was like the man had fallen asleep to Aretha Franklin and could only speak in quotes.


    ¡°Bailiff.¡±


    The Bailiff pulled out a little remote and pressed a button, and Garth felt pain for the first time in years, emanating from the prisoner badge. It was a dull, aching throb, that leaned into a sharp pain that seared through his entire body. It reminded him of when a dentist managed to hurt you even through their damn numbing shots.


    The spell must be causing the pain directly, because I literally can¡¯t normally feel that much pain.


    ¡°ow, haha, ow, OW, shit!¡± Garth thrashed in the chair a bit, his mind struggling for a way out of the situation.


    Oh wait, why don¡¯t I just ----------


    I freaking hate you, prisoner badge.


    The bailiff took his finger off the button, and Garth sat there, panting. Ow, damn that hurt. But I will survive.


    ¡°hehehehe.¡± Garth started giggling again, until the pain came back. ¡°ow, ow, fuck!¡±


    ¡°Something funny?¡± Argus said. ¡°Speak.¡±


    ¡°You were quoting an ancient Earth song, not word for word, but close.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Nice to know you¡¯re more predictable than you seem.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°He said if I handed him a good excuse to use the pain inducer on you, he¡¯d be more likely to agree to our terms, so I asked a few Earth immortals for advice.¡± Chi¡¯tet whispered with an antennae dip.


    ¡°Chi¡¯tet,¡± Garth whispered back, faux betrayed. ¡°I thought you were one of the good guys?¡±


    She shrugged him off.


    ¡°Garth Daniels, for your crimes against the inner spheres and me personally, I sentence you to eight hours of community service in Terrafell.¡± He said, clacking the gavel and giving Garth a sardonic grin. ¡°After which time your crimes will be erased.¡±


    The spectators broke into chattering, so loud that Garth was afraid he¡¯d have to raise his voice for Chi¡¯tet to hear him.


    ¡°Eight hours of community service?¡± Garth asked. ¡°How much did you pay him, anyway, ¡®cuz that seems light.¡±


    Chit¡¯tet though, she did not seem pleased. Her antennae were quaking with anger and indignation.


    ¡°Terrafell is a megadungeon. Eight hours of community service is a joke way of saying execution. They bring you into the depths, and leave you there, with no way of returning. The reason it¡¯s a problem is that according to the letter of our contract, you are only serving eight hours of time, which falls well under our two week minimum for full transfer of ownership of Castavelle¡¯s summer home on Quinteruis.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said sitting back. They had, through awkward legal maneuvering, had Garth positively I.D.ed as Castavelle¡¯s apprentice, and managed to lay a claim on some of the old man¡¯s abandoned property, of which there were many.


    They were hotly contested because a few of them contained some of the old man¡¯s spellbooks, or artifacts he¡¯d made, which made them valuable grab bags for the super-rich.


    Chi¡¯tet had spotted the barely used law that allowed elves to sentence their attackers, and they used one of the priceless islands chock full of magical secrets as an incentive for Argus to give Garth a lenient sentence.


    I guess his lawyer found a loophole too.


    On the plus side, my crimes are all wiped out at the end of those eight hours, dead or not.


    ¡°I wish you luck in your next life,¡± Argus said, smiling as he left.


    ¡°Okay, what¡¯s the rub?¡± Garth asked. ¡°What¡¯s so bad about this one?¡±


    ¡°Terrafell is a one-way dungeon. It created a Law within that prevents things from coming out. After it consumed several adamantium ranked teams, it should have popped the planet it was on hundreds of years ago, but it seems like it was a dud, or perhaps one of the teams sent to kill it disabled it somehow. It¡¯s grown to a massive size, welling up on the side of the planet like a blemish.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth tapped his fingers against his elbow. ¡°Can my soul leave? Will I go to the afterlife?¡±


    ¡°it¡¯s unknown. No one has been inhumane enough to test it on someone. at least not publicly.¡±


    Okay, so dying and trying to escape to my phylactery is plan B.


    ¡°Well, the joke¡¯s on him,¡± Garth said, putting his hands behind his neck. ¡° We got most of what we wanted today, and the book told me the place we gave him is a deathtrap.¡±


    ¡°Do you want the book back?¡± Chi¡¯tet asked.


    ¡°Yeah, if anything knows offhand how to escape an inescapable dungeon, it¡¯ll be that.¡± Garth said, nodding. ¡°You just get started on phase two while I¡¯m gone.¡±


    Now that M.T. G.D. 90753 was logged as evidence and verified by a truthseer, it was irrefutable evidence that the Dan Ui Clan had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. It had only been a flash of motion and a freeze frame, before it was wiped off the hologram, but that one freezeframe was damning¡­hopefully.


    While he was gone, Chi¡¯tet would switch clients to someone who had a better claim to Earth than Garth, and launch a campaign to have the Dan Ui¡¯s ownership rendered invalid.


    Once that was done, they would only have to pay the Inner spheres the flat 30% of their takes in dungeons, rather than paying Dan Ui 95%. This would massively deflate the price of rare minerals.


    It would cause a bit of stress on the poor adventurers while the pricing stabilized, but eventually the materials would kick-start industry as the materials found their way into previously unexplored niches. That would take, maybe¡­twenty to fifty years?


    He needed someone who would definitely still be around by then to keep an eye on it, and the Earth as a whole.


    Earth needed a new clan. One administered by an Earth native who was impartial to the petty squabbles of her politics, one that could stand against the tide of prospectors looking to steal it once the Dan Ui were removed.


    It needed the Fuk Mi Clan.


    Well, she¡¯s probably not going to call it that. Garth thought, chuckling to himself.


    ¡°Here¡¯s the book.¡± Chi¡¯tet said, pulling a tiny leather bound notebook the size of a thumb out of her briefcase and passing it to him. The book expanded in his hand, turning into a respectably sized notebook.


    ¡°Danka.¡±


    ****


    ¡°What¡¯s the sitch?¡± Garth asked, opening the book.


    You¡¯re fucked. The good news is if you die, your soul will most likely return to the Phylactery.


    ¡°What¡¯s the bad news?¡± Garth asked.


    The bad news is that is that is the 68th time you have asked me that question.


    Garth looked up, and saw that he was no longer sitting in the court. Matter of fact he had no idea where he was. He was in a large circular, stone room, with a ceiling that oppressively low over their heads. Against the walls, skeletons of every shape and size where arranged in various states of misery, curled up against the wall, holding their heads, in the fetal position, or simply sprawled out.


    Holy crap, I¡¯m already in the dungeon! Memory loss!


    ¡°I need you to¡­¡± Garth trailed off as he forgot exactly what he was thinking about, idly closing the book in front of him. Garth stared at his surroundings, idly wondering where he was and what was going on, but never able to sustain a train of thought long enough to worry about it.


    The feel of the weight in his hand attracted his attention down to the book, and the details of his surroundings rapidly faded from his mind. Oh, right, Chi¡¯tet just gave me the book back.


    ¡°So, what¡¯s the sitch?¡± he asked.


    You¡¯re fucked. The good news is if you die, your soul will most likely return to the Phylactery.


    ¡°What¡¯s the bad news?¡±


    The bad news is that is that is the 69th time you have asked me that question.


    Hah, sixty-nine¡­ Garth thought, with a chuckle. Garth frowned, staring at the number rather than looking up.


    69th? Am I experiencing memory loss?


    Duh.


    ¡°Memento me.¡± He said immediately.


    Really, the number 69 is what does it? If the book had a voice, Garth was sure it would be dripping with sarcasm.


    ¡°Bite me.¡± Garth muttered, glancing up, eyes widening at the oppressive atmosphere around him. ¡°I¡¯m already in the dungeon!¡± Garth forgot about the book in his hand, gawking at the surroundings. A moment later, the tenous thread of thought that kept him aware of his location was cut, and he simply stared impassively at the walls.


    Something heavy in my hand, Garth thought, glancing down.


    Oh right, Chi¡¯tet just gave me the book. Garth thought, opening it.


    Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.


    The single line kept rolling down the page for a couple seconds before shifting.


    That¡¯s weird. Garth thought, frowning.


    Walk forward. Keep looking at me. Walk forward. Keep looking at me. Walk forward. Keep looking at me. Walk forward. Keep looking at me. Walk forward. Keep looking at me.


    Okay, obviously something weird is going on, Garth thought, resisting the urge to look away from the book. When the book said duck it was usually a good idea to duck. This was probably no different.


    Garth walked forward a couple steps and felt a strange tug around his midsection. He glanced down and saw a rope wrapped around his waist. He glanced over his shoulder and spotted Alicia attached to the rope, staring at the rope tugging on her in confusion.


    How the fuck did she get there? Garth thought.


    ¡°Hey, how did you get there?¡± Garth asked, and Alicia shrugged. They should be in the courtroom, and as a matter of fact, where the hell were they?


    Garth glanced forward again, rapidly losing his sense of urgency.


    Something heavy in my hand, Garth thought, glancing down.


    Oh right, Chi¡¯tet just gave me the book. Garth thought, opening it.


    ignore all distractions, Look at me, walk forward, numbnuts.


    The text flashed on and off in front of his eyes, and Garth shrugged, beginning to walk forward.


    When did I stand, anyway? I was just sitting in the courtroom.


    Garth felt something tug around his waist, and he read the text. The text said to ignore it, so he kept going.


    Progress was a bit halting, even with the text constantly reminding him what to do. Every once in awhile he heard Alicia speaking behind him, then he forgot what was said, then who said it, then he forgot he heard anything at all. For a moment it was alarming, but then he forgot he¡¯d forgotten.


    Ignore distractions, look at the book, walk forward.


    After an indeterminate amount of time walking forward, Garth noticed the shape of the room around him changing in his peripherals, The chamber around him approaching a tunnel.


    He stepped across the threshold and memories came flooding back.


    ***


    ¡°This doesn¡¯t seem like the best decision you ever made,¡± Garth said, his anger running cold through his veins as he glanced at Alicia who was being similarly prodded toward the gaping void of the dungeon entrance, also restrained.


    ¡°No? she¡¯s your apprentice and lover, is she not? She might have some small claim on Castavelle¡¯s inheritance when you are declared dead, and that doesn¡¯t sit well with me, so I had her sign a Terrafell delver¡¯s contract, and here she is.¡± He said, motioning to Alicia¡¯s broken fingers. In just the couple hours they¡¯d spent taking him to the planet, he¡¯d done a number on her.


    ¡°Much less responsive to pain than I expected so I had to..¡± he wobbled his finger at his head. ¡°Get a little creative. It should wear off in a couple days if it heals at all, but it shouldn¡¯t make a big difference if she¡¯s been lobotomized. Not like you kept her around for her wits.¡±


    ¡°Suit yourself,¡± Garth said with a shrug. ¡°But when we get out, I¡¯m not stopping her from gutting you.¡±


    ¡°Well said.¡± Argus gave him a grin moments before the void of the entrance swallowed them up.


    ¡°You doing alright?¡± Garth asked, glancing over at the pale girl with the full crimson lips.


    ¡°Did you know,¡± Alicia said, her eyes instantly focusing on Garth with a hint of mischief. ¡°That if we kill this dungeon, I have the rights to everything within and a substantial bounty?¡±


    ¡°I did not know that. Glad to see you¡¯re not lobotomized.¡±


    ¡°I was in too much pain to be lobotomized.¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­is that good?¡±


    ¡°it¡¯s good. Heal my fingers.¡± She held up her mangled hands.


    They tried going back out, but the exit had simply ceased to exist, so their only choice had been to move forward after Garth had removed their restraints by channeling Beladia¡¯s aura and snapping the magic cancelling bands.


    ****


    They had eventually decided on using Garth as the trap-detector. As annoying as it was, he was simply more durable than she was. When he stepped into the Forget-me room many hours later, he¡¯d stood in one place for minutes, forgetting what he was doing over and over until Alicia was able to get him out. Then he¡¯d made a rope and tried to forge through the room on pure speed, book in hand as a backup.


    And now, nine hours after being tossed into the place, they¡¯d made their way through one of the most insidious rooms of the dungeon.


    On the bright side, my criminal record is expunged by now. Thank Beladia for silver linings.

 Chapter 197: Forward Progress

    ¡°I don¡¯t exactly have all of forever to spend down here, so let¡¯s do this the most efficient way,¡± Garth said as they rested against the wall of the dungeon. This particular place had smooth cobbled walls that stood straight up, unlike the previous layer of the dungeon.


    A dungeon was created as an extradimensional spore burrowed through the planet¡¯s crust, looking for the juicy center to feed off of. This particular dungeon had an unknown number of layers, and was mutated as hell.


    A normal dungeon would form floors like growth rings, with mazes and monsters built around the core steadily working it¡¯s way down.


    Unfortunately, this particular dungeon was retarded.


    Its monsters were few and far between, and rarely more than a nuisance. The biggest problem was that the dungeon had mutated a penchant for being fucking mind-bendingly devious, throwing Laws at them non-stop from room to room.


    Right now they were resting in a hallway, stuck between a room where the shortest distance between two points wasn¡¯t a straight line, and the unknown. Garth glanced over at the previous room. Several times he¡¯d nearly reached out and poked the back of his own head as he tried to stumble through the invisible maze of warped space, but he didn¡¯t know if it was TimeCop rules or not, so he didn¡¯t tap himself on the back of the head.


    Everyone knows the movies get time-travel right, right?


    Garth shuddered and looked ahead, using a mote of light on the tip of his finger to shed light on the passageway. It looked like they were in a level of Dungeon Hack. A room behind them, and flat, smooth stone walls ahead, leading to Beladia knew what.


    Garth ran a finger across the dusty floor. At least the floor was dusty. That was a good sign. No tracks leading anywhere and no shiny floor, suggesting no gelatinous cubes¡­or guys with brooms.


    ¡°Let¡¯s take it easy for the rest of the day to get our mental strength back,¡± Garth said, creating a lamp plant. ¡°These rooms are taking more out of us than meets the eye.¡±


    Alicia was staring out into the hallway, and her gaze flickered back to him.


    ¡°I¡¯m hungry.¡±


    ¡°Boy, you got trapped in a dungeon with the right guy,¡± Garth said, clapping his hands together and manifesting a wooden bowl overflowing with fruits and vegetables in between the two of them.


    As they ate, Garth considered the dungeon, and how they could escape from it. Dungeons were extradimensional, simply burrowing up wasn¡¯t going to cut it. Burrowing toward the core, perhaps?


    He held out his hand and had a root begin to work its way through the stone. Bits of rock fell away as the root dug. A minute later, Garth retracted the root and inspected his work. There was a small hole in the wall, slowly closing over time.


    Hmm, heals itself.


    That wasn¡¯t a huge impediment. A tunnel big enough to walk through would either heal very slowly, or not at all. All Garth needed to do was make a core-sniffing root and have it cut them a direct tunnel to the core.


    Garth weighed the cons. There was every possibility that punching straight through rooms would lead the root to go through some unpredictable terrain, like the previous room, where a straight line wasn¡¯t. it might even interact with the root itself in unforeseen ways, like making it a man-eating monster, or unleash some horde of tiny, flesh-eating, reality-warping beetles that would follow the root back to him.


    Well, that last one seemed unlikely, but just as unlikely as everything else around here.


    The long and short of it was, Garth was going to have to traverse the maze one way or the other, and a method to reduce the total number of sadistic rooms he had to go through would be a huge bonus, outweighing the potential risks. There were huge risks entering each individual room, therefore less rooms amounted to less risks.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna try taking us through the walls,¡± Garth said between bites of fresh corn.


    Alicia glanced up from her food, and followed his gaze to the wall. ¡°Okay.¡±


    Garth glanced over at her as she put her head down and kept eating.


    ¡°No opinion?¡±


    ¡°What do you want from me?¡± she snapped, a hint of ire in her voice. ¡°I¡¯m totally out of my depth here. Have been since the beginning, just now I know it!¡±


    Alicia¡¯s eyes were brimming with tears of frustration. The stress was started to get to her.


    ¡°Aww¡­¡± Garth pulled her into his lap. ¡°I have no idea what I¡¯m doing, either, I just kinda...keep going out of sheer stubbornness. Anyway, just keep treading water, and one day you¡¯ll amaze yourself with how far you¡¯ve gotten. You¡¯re the first Denton to go offplanet, after all.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t treat me like a child.¡±


    Garth started petting her head, enjoying the way she softened under his ministrations.


    ¡°Don¡¯t treat me like a pet either,¡± She purred, tucking her legs in despite herself, curling up in his lap.


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Garth mused as he pet her hair. ¡°How about we have dessert and a nap before we keep going?¡±


    ¡°That sounds nice.¡± Alicia said in a small voice.


    Garth stood with the slender girl in his arms.


    ¡°What-¡°


    He tossed her into the air, and she managed a panicked squawk, clawing the air for an instant before landing on a hastily assembled bed made of one hundred percent biodegradable plant matter. The four post bed took up the entire hallway, but nobody else was using it, so it shouldn¡¯t be a problem.


    Garth collapsed into the soft covers beside her.


    ¡°so what do you want for desssert?¡± He asked, putting his hand under his head and pulling the sexiest pose he could think of. Alicia watched him fumble into position with a raised brow and a hint of a smirk.


    ¡°Grapes, pomegranates¡­.me?¡±


    ¡°Grapes,¡± She said immediately.


    ¡°Oh,¡± Garth said, frowning. He didn¡¯t exactly have a plan for her choosing anything other than his delicious, nutritious jism.


    ¡°Well I guess ¨C ack!¡± Garth¡¯s surprised shout was cut off by Alicia¡¯s cherry red lips as she jumped on top of him, her warm thighs cinching around his waist.


    ****


    ¡°Okay then, tunneling it is,¡± Garth said, facing the wall, arms akimbo.


    Dessert had been a slam dunk, and the nap afterwards had been pretty great too. They were rested, in a good place, and ready to face more of the dungeon¡¯s Mind-fucks.


    Shoulda called this place Mind-fuck dungeon. Matter of fact, That¡¯s exactly what I¡¯m going to do when I get out of here. I¡¯m going to rename it.


    Garth pulled out his recipe for a goblin sniffer, and tried tuning it to sniff out dungeon core.


    The yellow daffodil tested the air a moment, then solidly turned to the right, down the hall they would have to go to press further into the dungeon.


    Ah, yes¡­smells rely on air. What I need is something that picks up high frequency waves from the core itself.


    Garth sat in front of the wall and began designing a satellite dish plant. Something orchid-like with large, delicate petals that could feel the signals a core put out.


    If there are such things.


    After a good hour of testing ideas, Garth summoned a large purple flower with gigantic petals and trembling pistil, after a couple moments looking around, it eventually turned like someone had grabbed it and pointed it down and to the left, at a gentle fifteen degree slope.


    The core was much farther sideways than it was down, If the dish-flower was working properly. That made sense, given that the dungeon was a dud. It should have reached the planet¡¯s core hundreds of years ago and imploded the planet. This suggested to Garth that it probably had a terrible sense of down as a result of it¡¯s mutation.


    Once Garth was fairly certain the plant wasn¡¯t bullshitting him, he  walked fifty feet down the hall and used triangulation to estimate the distance to the core.


    About twelve miles, give or take, depending on whether or not on or both sides of the triangle were curly-Q¡¯ed all to hell and back. After that, it was a simple matter to key a tunneling root to bore a hole through the wall, carrying the sensor along with it.


    Garth didn¡¯t bother to make the plant sentient, only able to carry out it¡¯s simple task. In a place like this, being able to overthink things was probably more of a liability than it was a blessing.


    Garth took a step back and raised his hand, creating a new dish-plant with tunneling roots. He funneled mana into it, and the seven foot wide hallway was soon flooded with biomass as the oversized bulldozer of a plant began chewing through the wall, carrying it¡¯s core-sensing dish along with it.


    As the plant went, it deposited quick-hardening resin on the walls, keeping them from healing closed, and forming a nice smooth, plastic-y tunnel for them to follow.


    Garth took a minute to clear the rubble out of the way, then peered down the dimly lit tunnel. He sent a ball of magical light down it, not seeing anything that screamed bad news.


    ¡°Ready?¡± Garth asked.


    Alicia nodded, following him into the hole he¡¯d made in the wall.


    ***


    The dungeon became sentient with a start, it¡¯s first experience was sharp pain, like a nasty toothache. It could see everything at once, but its focus was narrowed down to the two lanky figures walked down the tunnel that was being bored through it.


    The angle they were travelling at was aimed straight for it¡¯s Core, it realized in a moment of panic. The purple one in front locked his legs and the tunnel started shaking. The strange plant-creature kept tunneling forward, heedless.


    I have to stop them, but how?


    The dungeon inspected the tunneling plant creature, and spotted the complex workings of mana in its makeup.


    That seems easy.


    The dungeon pulled mana in around the purple man and a series of spear-like pieces of wood leapt from the organic coating along the edge of the painful wound in the dungeon¡¯s walls.


    The dungeon looked at the second intruder, about to repeat the process, when it noticed that the purple one was uninjured.


    The wooden spears failed to penetrate the man¡¯s tougher-than-possible skin, instead slamming him against the side of the tunnel and causing the tunnel to shake violently.


    The dungeon was frustrated and angry, causing the tunnel to shake and shift as the purple thing tried to drag itself to its feet.


    Well, if that¡¯s how it wants to play.


    The dungeon summoned a massive wooden fist that shot down from above the little purple man, aiming to scramble his brain and squish his organs against his pathetic tunnel.


    The man was squished, but something was wrong. Even more pain spread through the area where the purple creature was squished.


    He was still alive, and he was doing something, and it hurt¡­a little.


    Die, die, die, die!


    Ironwood fists far bigger than the pathetic purple creature slammed down from the ceiling, intent on turning him into a paste, and the more he hit the purple man, the more the purple man hurt him back.


    Not one to lose, the dungeon reeled back for an epic smash, gathering all the mana it could. The little purple man was tough, but he had a pretty good idea of how tough now, all he needed to do was surpass the strength of his bones and crush his entire body to a paste under the weight of countless tons of rock¡­


    Something caught the dungeon¡¯s attention.


    The smaller one, with the amazing booty tightly packed into black pants, was electrocuting herself, smoke rising where her hair was catching fire.


    Lightning was coursing along her entire body, flickering in her eyes. She was screaming in pain, anger, and pleasure all at once.


    This gave the dungeon pause.


    I didn¡¯t do that.


    Why is she hurting herself?


    Well, it¡¯s not important to me what one pathetic creature does to itself before the end, I have to finish of the intruder here before I get to the other one.


    Why is she hurting herself?


    An old pathetic creature¡¯s voice settled into the back of the dungeon¡¯s mind.


    Latch onto every inconsistency and tenaciously cling to it. Follow it no matter where it leads, or how horrifying the result is.


    Why was she hurting herself?


    The dungeon redirected its attention to the purple man, and experimentally thwacked him with an ironwood fist.


    It hurt.


    Why did it hurt when he hit the purple man?


    Am I the purple man?


    No, I¡¯m the dungeon.


    The purple man raised an experimental hand and waved it around the room.


    I¡¯m both?


    Who is the purple man?


    No, I¡¯m the Dungeon!


    A sudden overwhelming thought staggered the dungeon, making the tunnel shake and the battered purple man fall to his knees.


    That¡¯s right. I have to be the dungeon. If I weren¡¯t that would mean I wasn¡¯t real. I¡¯m real¡­ unless the dungeon is making me think that.


    I¡¯m the dungeon. If I doubt this I will cease to exist!


    Death? Death from not believing in oneself?


    No. A core of pride formed in the dungeon¡¯s will. Either I am, or I am not. Nothing I believe in this moment will change that.


    Under the direction of the dungeon, the purple man got back to his feet, stumbling blindly through the tunnel.


    And just like that. the dungeon¡¯s mind ceased to exist, painlessly returning to nothingness.


    ***


    Garth stumbled the last couple steps out of the range of the Law, wanting to lose his lunch, but under too much pressure to vomit. He turned back and snaked out a tendril of vine back into the tunnel, where Alicia was crackling with blue-white energy, smoke rising off her body.


    The damn Law tricked you into thinking you were the dungeon and using your abilities to cause self-harm. It was a particularly nasty room they were passing through the influence of.


    Garth¡¯s vine wound around Alicia¡¯s waist and dragged her violently down the tunnel, slamming into his chest.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± Garth asked, looking into her eyes.


    She was panting desperately, tremors arcing through her body, followed by tiny bolts of lightning.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± she said breathlessly, her eyes flickering with lightning as she looked up at him. ¡°It¡¯s fine. I¡¯m a Conduit. I¡¯m almost completely immune.¡±


    ¡°Oh, good,¡± Garth said, holding up a finger. ¡°Gimme a second.¡±


    He pushed her off, turned over and threw up.


    He, as the dungeon, had just committed suicide, ceasing to exist to prove a point, and it had messed him up, a little.


    Mind-fuck dungeon, indeed.


    Macronomicon


    Holding up alright so far, but we''re only two days in, let''s see how strung out I am in two weeks.


    Enjoy!

 198: Facets

    ¡°Get back here, you sonofabitch,¡± Stick-Together Garth growled, tackling the sprinting Finish-the-Dungeon Garth to the ground and pinning him there with thick bands of wood.


    ¡°No, you don¡¯t understand, I¡¯ve got to get to the end!¡±


    ¡°And you will, but we need all of us to get there, damnit!¡± Stick-together said, glancing at the other Garths aimlessly wandering around the room, one laughing manically while one wept into his palms. The rest just seemed kind of dazed.


    Thank god I absorbed Magic Garth first, Stick-together thought, as he began to subdue the rest of the errant facets of his personality. He felt like a cartoon character that¡¯d run through some kind of grate and each resulting piece hand run off on its own, but he was finally starting to make headway.


    Thankfully Garth¡¯s desire to kill himself was weak, manifesting as a Goth-Garth, lightly tapping his forehead against the wall. It would¡¯ve been bad if that part was particularly strong. It might have started stalking and killing the Garths that were unable to move on their own like  a seriel killer, essentially destroying large portions of his personality.


    Self-Preservation Garth was going to be the tough one. Stick-Together wasn¡¯t quite sure where he¡¯d gotten it, but the manifestation of Garth¡¯s will to survive was brandishing a shiv, holding it between himself and everyone else, taking rapid, panicked breaths. Despite the way he looked, he¡¯d gotten a rather large slice of the pie.


    I can save him until I get stronger, Stick-together thought.


    ¡°How are you doing, As-One?¡± Stick together asked his female counterpart. As-one was basically Alicia¡¯s Stick-together, and so the two of them had decided to cooperate at wrangling and reuniting with the other facets of their personalities.


    ¡°My magic isn¡¯t very good at subduing without harm. I think we should take my Fight next.¡± She pointed at a round-bottomed girl making whooshing noises as she kicked and punched at open air, shadowboxing some unseen opponent.


    ¡°Give you a heads-up over the others, sure.¡± Stick-together nodded with his hands on his hips, ignoring the slapping sounds coming from behind him.


    As-One¡¯s eyes slid past him, toward where Horny-Garth and Horny-Alicia were violently humping, groaning and staring mindlessly at the wall like animals, ignoring the damp, rocky terrain and the pebbles under them.


    ¡°You sure we need all of them?¡± she asked with a wrinkled nose.


    ¡°That¡¯s Hang-Ups talking. I¡¯m absolutely sure we need all of them to be the same person we were when we went in. Remember not to pick up any more negative pieces of your personality until the end, it could slow you down.¡±


    ¡°Ooor, you could, I don¡¯t know, go back in the room, separate again and leave Hang-ups here to die?¡± another Garth said, sidling up next to them. ¡°I mean, does she really help?¡±


    ¡°Shut up, Manipulative Pervert.¡± Stick Together said.


    ¡°Pff, fine, I¡¯ll go over here with the cool kids.¡± Manipulative Pervert walked over to Masochist Alicia, clubbing herself on the shins with a stone with an unsatisfied expression. He leaned close and whispered something, causing her to brighten up and follow him over to another Garth, who had a mean grin.


    ¡°That can¡¯t be good. It¡¯s a goddamn madhouse,¡± Stick together said, shaking his head. ¡°Let¡¯s get your Fight back, and hope they can¡¯t cause too much damage while we¡¯re gone.¡± Together they began stalking toward Fight.


    When she noticed them coming, she adopted a defensive stance, raising her hands up and lowering her center of gravity.


    Well, the element of surprise isn¡¯t really an option at this point, he thought, breaking into a sprint with As-One.


    Fight lunged forward, surprising both of them by reducing the distance faster than they were expecting. She kneed As-one in the groin, causing the girl to stumble and tilt to the side, and at the same time, caught Stick-Together in the head with an elbow, causing searing pain along his eyebrow, forcing him to stagger back and clutch his bleeding brow.


    Only a few remnants of Garth¡¯s sports knowledge remained, but he was pretty sure elbow strikes were a foul.


    Fight used his distraction to aim another kick at As-one¡¯s face, where she barely blocked with her hands, getting flung back.


    Stick-together didn¡¯t know what to do exactly, since his Fight was off on the other side of the room, watching the chaos with amusement. He did know that he couldn¡¯t let her beat As-One to death. The girl was the lynch-pin of their personality, and her loss would make it very hard for him to recombine with the rest of himself.


    Stick Together blinked through the pain and charged forward to receive a jab to the nose, causing his vision to shatter into stars. Ignoring the pain, he spread his arms out wide and managed to catch Alicia¡¯s fight on the shoulder, using his superior weight to drag her to the ground.


    Unfortunately she had a much lower center of gravity than him, simply leaning low in the direction of his fall, allowing him to slide off her before she continued, kicking both of them, silently snarling as she did.


    ¡°Use magic!¡± As-One shouted, guarding her face with her forearms.


    Oh right. Having just gotten it back today, and without his Fight, he hadn¡¯t even thought of using it offensively.


    Stick-together put his palm on the ground, channeling nature mana from the air into the spores under his hands, directing the resulting roots to tunnel over and wind around Fight¡¯s ankles.


    The girl almost toppled before looking over at Garth and down at her feet. She immediately squatted down to strike him, aiming to make him lose his concentration.


    As-one let out a feral shout, and tackled Fight to the ground, where Garth made more roots to pin her arms to the ground.


    Fight was struggling violently against the hold of the roots as As-One closed her eyes and pressed her hands against her forehead. As one glittered for a moment before fading from existence, her essence merging with Fight.


    ¡°Let me up,¡± As-one said from the ground.


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    She stood up and flexed her hands.


    ¡°I¡¯m a lot stronger now.¡±


    ¡°Fight seemed to be a lot of you.¡± he agreed.


    As-One glanced up at Garth¡¯s Fight, who began taking off his shirt, anticipating their next move.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get your Fight back¡± she said with a feral grin. ¡°Then beat the shit out of the rest of these bitches until they fall in line.¡±


    ¡°Your Fight is showing.¡± Stick together said, chuckling as he stood, the pain slowly fading.


    ***later***


    ¡°Wait, you don¡¯t have to do this, I could be like a side-kick,¡± Manipulative Pervert said, his hands up as Garth approached. ¡°I mean, we¡¯re all still together, right? I could give my input, same as I always do, but we would have two cocks. Two cocks. And you know, Alicia told me- MMMPH!¡±


    Garth wrapped his last fragment up with a single thought, gagging him with a root.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe how much of a pain in the ass it was to get you.¡± he muttered, putting his hand on the man¡¯s forehead and willing them to rejoin.


    A moment later, Garth opened his eyes, a root in his mouth, arms and legs bound with wood.


    With a thought, the wood crumbled to ash, and Garth stepped away from the damp stone wall with a sigh. Finally, he felt entirely himself again. Even the tiny voice in his head suggesting he use the Facet Room to reconstruct Alicia¡¯s personality however he wanted was back where it should be. Garth squished it.


    He glanced back down the hall to the room they¡¯d just left, recently dubbed the Facet Room. In the center of the room, a fist-sized sphere of what looked like moonstone was jutting out of the ground.


    Garth walked toward it slowly, sliding his feet out in front of him carefully, until he felt the hairs on his skin raising from the strange sensation of being split. He saw several feet, nearly placed identically to his own, step into the range of the room.


    He pulled his foot back, and the split feet pulled back too.


    Garth sat down and studied the moonstone growing from the upper corner of the room. It was in the form of a sphere made of tiny hexagons, a bit like a bug¡¯s eye. Its facets each reflected a different color, shifting as Garth moved his point of view, a property of the moonstone, he was sure.


    The question was, did the crystal do the effect, or was it the room? Or both? Garth had seen adamantium growing from the walls of mutated dungeons that spawned ultra-tough creatures.


    What kind of things grew from the walls of a reality-warping dungeon like this? Garth¡¯s Greedy self had been sitting here, contemplating that very same thing an hour ago, and now he was focusing all his mind on it. garth intended to profit from this death-trap.


    He needed two things. A guinea pig to test it, and a way to contain the effect if the stone really did what the room did.


    Garth glanced over his shoulder, and spotted Alicia sitting crosslegged, brows furrowed, jaw clenched, eyes closed. Living lightning flickered from beneath the various scrapes and bruises, making her flicker with internal electricity. The bruises were slowly fading, but not as quickly as if he¡¯d cast a Heal on her.


    There¡¯s my guinea pig.


    ¡°Oh, apprentice,¡± Garth called, and Alicia opened her glowing eyes, gazing at him as the lightning faded away. ¡°I need your assistance with something.¡±


    ¡°Why do I get the feeling I¡¯m not going to like it?¡± she asked as she came to sit beside him.


    ¡°I need you to stand here, in case that,¡± Garth said, pointing at the fist-sized bug-eye moonstone jutting out of the wall, ¡°is what is causing the Facet room.¡±


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you do it?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Because I¡¯m more powerful and therefore better at helping you put your pieces back together, and you are less so. Also because you¡¯re my apprentice. Wizard apprentices are often test-subjeccts. It¡¯s a rite of passage.¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± she said, glancing up at the stone. ¡°We both got pretty close to that stone when we were wandering around the Facet Room, so it¡¯s probably safe.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the spirit,¡± Garth said, backing away before reaching thirty feet out with a vine hand and tugging the stone out its seat in the wall.


    He pulled it four feet closer to them. If it had been generating the entire field, at that point it would have covered Alicia and split her into her Facets. It didn¡¯t do that.


    Garth buried a hint of disappointment as he pulled it closer. Perhaps it mimicked the room¡¯s effect, but its area was smaller.


    He kept pulling it closer until it was about a foot in front of Alicia.


    ¡°I don¡¯t feel anything,¡± Alicia said, reaching out and taking the moonstone from Garth¡¯s vine hand. She turned it this way and that, inspecting it in the bright light of Garth¡¯s illumination plants.


    ¡°It is pretty though,¡± she murmured, studying its glittering facets as she turned it over in her hand.


    ¡°You don¡¯t feel any urge to keep it all to yourself or call it ¡®your precious¡¯, do you?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°What? No. Where did that come from?¡±


    ¡°Nowhere in particular.¡± Garth shrugged. ¡°Well, you can bring it along and figure out what it does later. After all, it technically belongs to you.¡±


    Alicia turned and looked at him with a budding smile. ¡°Tha-¡°


    ¡°Thank you!¡± A phantom of Alicia leaped out of her body, becoming solid as she jumped on Garth, locking his lips in a tight kiss as Original Alicia watched, her jaw hanging loose.


    Well, I think we know it works now, Garth thought.


    ¡°I love you so much! I¡¯m addicted to you!¡± Love-Dovey Alicia said, vacuum-sealing onto him while plastering him with kisses.


    Garth peered past the black hair and reached out with his vine hand, snatching the moonstone out of Original Alicia¡¯s hands and moved it back into its home before things could get any more complicated.


    ¡°The first thing we need to do¡± Garth said, trying to speak past the smattering of kisses. ¡°Is figure out if this a Copy or a Facet. Do you feel any urge to do this?¡± Garth asked Original, pointing at the Alicia hugging him and sighing contentedly.


    Original shook her head slowly.


    ¡°Hmm¡­Facet then.¡±


    So the crystal had a much weaker effect that only made one facet at a time, most likely on contact, or close proximity, precipitated by strong emotions. It was possible it could do more given enough time, but Garth had wanted to keep things simple.


    Garth could think of a few things he could do with something like that off the top of his head. With the right research, he might be able to create a mechanism to control which facets are made and possibly blend people¡¯s facets together to create an entirely new person.


    Interesting stuff, but first I gotta get rid of the girl snuggling on me.


    ¡°Alicia, you need to go back to your original, okay?¡± Garth said, trying to peel her off of him.


    Lovey-dovey shook her head.


    ¡°Don¡¯t wanna. I wanna do this forever.¡±


    ¡°This is embarrassing.¡± Original said, crossing her arms. ¡°I¡¯m not even sure I want her back.¡±


    ¡°You think Manipulative Pervert wasn¡¯t embarrassing for me? You¡¯re taking her back.¡± Garth said with Clarion Call for emphasis.


    ¡°If you say so.¡±


    ¡°Alicia, if you hug me forever, I wouldn¡¯t like it. As a matter of fact, I might start to dislike you.¡±


    Lovey-Dovey gasped, looking up at him, her blue eyes wide.


    ¡°But if you join up with Original again, You¡¯ll have plenty of chances to hug me.¡±


    ¡°Nuh uh, she always stops me from doing what I want!¡± Lovey-Dovey said, shaking her head vigorously like a child.


    ¡°I¡¯ll work with her on that, I promise. Matter of fact, I¡¯ll give you a hug.¡±


    ¡°Promise?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Absolutely.¡±


    ¡°Okaay.¡± The Facet of Alicia¡¯s personality reluctantly disentangled herself, unwrapping her legs and putting her feet on the ground before going over to Original, putting her hand on the other¡¯s forehead and re-merging.


    ¡°Well, that was weird-oof.¡± Alicia was cut off as Garth swept her up in his arms, pressing her to his chest.


    ¡°Get off me,¡± she said, pushing on him with an unconvincing lack of strength.


    ¡°We both know that¡¯s not what you want,¡± Garth said.


    Alicia sighed and hugged him back.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 199: The Practice Effect

    They were getting closer to the Core. The plant-based tunneler had popped out into a benign room, and Garth took the opportunity to take a break for the day. His body didn¡¯t strictly need rest, but his mind did. That seemed to be the currency that this dungeon dealt in, Effort of Will.


    ¡°Just because it didn¡¯t kill us right away or make us try to kill ourselves doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s benign. I¡¯d like to know what it does before I¡¯m willing to sleep in it.¡± Alicia said, glancing around the room. ¡°Otherwise we can just sleep in the tunnel.¡±


    ¡°Right you are,¡± Garth said from where he was once again triangulating the position of the Core. It was a good idea to get as many readings as possible. The location of the core had done a couple suspicious shifts in direction that Garth attributed to warped space on a grand scale, rather than the core moving around on them.


    If it was moving around, they were probably going to be here a while.


    The room they were in was a wide stone cavern, rounded with high ceilings and a smooth stone floor. Jutting out of the walls and ceiling were laminar crystals that resembled some kind of cross between fiber optic cable and quartz.


    Light that shone on them faintly emerged from the tops, redirected by the crystal into a single flow.


    If the Facet Moonstone had a physical manifestation that hinted at its function, what does this redirection of light tell us?


    It was all too abstract to guess just from looking at them, anyway. Garth turned back to his project, setting up two radar plants and using them to calculate the exact distance to the Core.


    Garth allowed the plants to zero in on the core, and took measurements of their angles, working a quick mental calculation to find the distance. High school math for the win.


    ¡°About a mile and a half to the core.¡± He said, getting up and turning around to see Alicia poking at one of the crystals, a pale green looking quartz.


    ¡°Have you noticed any changes in your thoughts or behavior?¡± Garth asked, prompting her to glance up at him, brows raised.


    ¡°no.¡± she said.


    ¡°Are you compelled to lie compulsively?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± she said again frowning at him with her full lips.


    ¡°Just what someone compelled to lie would say,¡± Garth said, manifesting a sheet of paper in his hand and taking faux notes.


    Alicia snorted.


    ¡°Do you feel compelled to be an ass?¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°No more than usual.¡± He turned his gaze toward the dozen or so crystals littering the ground. On a more critical look, there were some interesting facts that weren¡¯t obvious at first glance,


    Chief among them were the empty sockets where crystals had been taken from the room. That implied something or someone found enough value in these crystals to take them from where they emerged from the ground.


    Garth took a second look at the placement of the crystals and noticed that none of them were particularly crowding each other out, spread quite evenly through the room.


    Evenness was not natural.


    Hmm¡­wild tribe of the descendants of adventurers who managed to make it this far? Farming this particular room for its crystals with uniquely beneficial effects?


    Off the top of Garth¡¯s head, it was either that, an animal that ate the crystal, or an effect of the crystal itself.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t seem to have any effect on our bodies or minds,¡± Alicia said, bending over to touch one of the crystals.


    ¡°Can you-eep!¡± Her question was cut off by a swat across her rounded booty.


    ¡°What was that for!?¡± she demanded, glaring at him and rubbing her bottom.


    ¡°Testing to see if it activated with heightened emotions. How do you feel?¡± Garth said with a straight face. Trying to stop himself from spanking her when she bent over was more difficult than managing a burgeoning empire, and usually ended in failure.


    She kept her eyes on his face for a moment, studying him suspiciously, and Garth managed to avoid breaking by a hair¡¯s breadth.


    ¡°Fine,¡± she said, turning back to the crystals. ¡°Can you create some kind of plant that can indicate if something has changed?¡±


    ¡°Like a weird-o-meter?¡± Garth asked. It was a good idea, probably gleaned from hanging out with Caitlyn, or Garth himself. If your eyes or ears weren¡¯t up to the task of measuring a change, make a tool to measure the change instead. Thus far, the rooms had created dramatic and obvious Laws, so they hadn¡¯t needed anything like that. They needed to get a read.


    ¡°Yeah, whatever that is,¡± she responded.


    ¡°It¡¯s a good idea, but there¡¯s one problem.¡±


    ¡°And that is?¡±


    ¡°The Laws of the rooms are literally changing reality, not causing effects. The meter we made would exist inside that reality, and thus be unable to tell us if anything was out of the ordinary. The only reason we know anything is different is because we¡¯re subjective viewers.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­shitty.¡± She finally said, frowning.


    ¡°I agree.¡± Garth said, glancing at the entrances of which there were no less than six. Another reason to take the straight line rather than wander the maze-like web of tunnels.


    Alright, which one shows the most signs of wear?


    ¡°What are you looking for?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Aboriginals.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Pygmies.¡± Garth said absentmindedly, studying the south west entrance. Direction being somewhat subjective, Garth had decided to call the Core the North pole, and the entrance the South.


    The southwest entrance was the flattest, but it didn¡¯t show any kind of groove he would expect from hundreds of years of foot traffic, none of them did.


    ¡°Are you still speaking Human?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°English, actually, and yes. I¡¯m looking for natives.¡± Garth said, wandering over to the other entrances and checked them, glancing over at the two radar flowers as he passed.


    They were a couple fractions of a degree off their last reading.


    Is the core really moving?


    ¡°Natives? People, living here?¡± She asked, giving him a disbelieving gaze.


    ¡°What? it worked for Journey to the Center of the Earth, Atlantis, The Time Machine, Alien from L.A., King Kong, umm¡­.I¡¯m sure there¡¯s more I haven¡¯t seen.¡±


    Alicia raised a brow.


    ¡°There are crystals missing,¡± Garth said, pointing out the empty sockets, ¡°They¡¯re spaced evenly, and that hallway is suspiciously flat.¡±


    She glanced around, her posture slowly becoming more guarded.


    ¡°I see it now.¡± she said. ¡°Do you think they¡¯d be hostile?¡±


    Garth shrugged. ¡°That really boils down to how much food these hypothetical natives have. If they have to scrounge for every scrap, they¡¯ll begrudge newcomers or see them as a source of new food.¡±


    Alicia looked around the room, straining her senses, and clearly a little spooked.


    ¡°On the other hand, if they have found some kind of paradise with more than enough space and food for everyone, similar to the ancient Hawaiians, they would gravitate more toward a friendly mindset.¡±


    ¡°Who are the Hawaiians?¡±


    ¡°Ancient people on one of the most lush island chains in the world, about two thousand four hundred and seventy-nine miles West South West of the Green Hell. Very cool people.¡±


    The island was probably cut off from the rest of the world again when the Kipling came¡­


    Maybe I can visit and see what became of it sometime.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, though. In any case, the natives, if there are any, are unlikely to be nearly as strong, physically, as you or me, simply because there aren¡¯t many Heartstones to consume.¡±


    ¡°Unless they took advantage of some kind of loophole in the Laws of the dungeon.¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°Unless that, yes.¡± Garth said, idly pondering what that might look like. Split livestock into dozens of different personalities and eat them all, right off the top of his head.


    If there was a loophole, this particular patch likely had something to do with it¡­


    ¡°New Ancestors!¡± came a high pitched scream from a rock¡­no, a person dressed in drab cloth that mimicked the cave walls perfectly. It was a young Corio female, wearing a strange helmet decoratively carved from stone.


    Garth¡¯s Corio was dated, but his memory was perfect. The girl¡¯s pronunciation was strange, but he was fairly sure he¡¯d understood her correctly.


    Alicia jumped in place, startled by the girl¡¯s completely silent approach.


    ¡°Oh, whaddya know.¡± Garth said as the Corio turned and ran away. ¡°Now we get to see if they¡¯re hostile or not.¡±


    Garth, as the more physically durable of the two, sat in front of the entrance cross-legged in an effort to appear as harmless as possible. If they came in with arrows and blowguns and turned him into a pincushion, they would have their answer.


    Less than a minute later, half a dozen orcs and Corio crept around the corner, bows and clubs held at the ready.


    Garth stared at them.


    They stared at him.


    Garth stared back.


    ¡°Hello,¡± Garth said in Corio, then Orc.


    ¡°Hello,¡± The well-muscled orc in the lead said, his posture relaxing somewhat, arrowhead inching toward the ground.


    They didn¡¯t look particularly skinny or malnourished, so hopefully they weren¡¯t entertaining the idea of eating them or using them as mulch.


    ¡°Explain what you are doing in our Impeyaga.¡±


    Garth blinked. Impeyaga wasn¡¯t in his vocabulary, but it probably meant this crystal farm.


    ¡°This is impeyaga?¡± Garth asked pointing at the floor. The lead orc nodded.


    ¡°We came in this dungeon a while ago. Arriving here was an accident, we mean no disrespect, and wish to make amends, if necessary.¡±


    The orc¡¯s gaze flickered up to the laminated tunnel the tunneling plant had bored through the wall, then back to Garth.


    ¡°what is a dungeon? Did you come here through Ancestor Gate?


    ¡°A dungeon is where we are. What is the ancestor gate?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Many many Nifishya beyond here is a gate all ancestors came through. According to the elders, this gate only works one way, not letting the ancestors return to the spirit world.


    Ni-fishya sounded like a slurring of Bad and Room from original corio, most likely representing rooms with dangerous Laws.


    ¡°I¡¯m fairly certain we did come through the ancestor gate.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°You both should speak to the elder.¡± He said, glancing at Alicia and the tunnel farther back. ¡°Perhaps you may be a good omen.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d be happy to.¡± Garth said, climbing to his feet, suddenly towering over the shorter people. They were a little taken aback at his height for a moment before their leader spoke again.


    ¡°This way.¡±


    The leader nodded, and garth followed him into the hallway.


    Under his bare feet, he could feel the stone of the floor become soft and bouncy, pushing back against him, making walking easier and quieter than it might have been otherwise.


    That¡¯s interesting, he thought before redirecting his attention to the halls themselves. Softly glowing crystals provided enough illumination to walk by, and study the natives of the Terrafell dungeon.


    They seemed to all be wearing stone helms adorned with intricate patterns. When Garth looked closely he could see a bit of mana pulse along the surface of the carvings, moving like a heartbeat.


    Interesting. Fashion choice or necessity?


    Their bows were also interesting. They were thin and short, seemingly too weak to be used as such. They looked more like child¡¯s toys than anything Garth had seen before.


    ¡°Do you need those in here?¡± Garth asked, pointing at the bow.


    ¡°Occasionally a monster will wander through the nifishya and become more of a threat than it should be. It is better to be prepared for such a thing.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Garth strung together some mana and waved it around. No response. He made it very thick and put it directly in front of their faces. Still no response.


    So I guess they can¡¯t see Mana.


    Garth snaked a thread of mana through his foot, through the floor and along a side tunnel, sprouting an insta-baddie.


    The plant monster bellowed and sauntered out of the side-tunnel, perfectly menacing. It looked like a larger, mutated version of one of the mouths-with-legs he¡¯d easily squished earlier.


    The lead orc let out a shout and lifted his bow, drawing and firing in an instant. Garth was forced to squint as an implosion of mana converged on the tiny bow and the arrow shot out at unbelievable speeds, accompanied by a sheath of pure white mana, annihilating Garth¡¯s target.


    To the untrained eye, the monster simply exploded when the arrow hit it, the projectile burying itself in the wall behind it.


    ¡°See?¡± the lead orc said, glancing back at Garth with a tusked grin.  A nearby corio shook his head with a sigh.


    ¡°Whoah, did you see that?¡± Alicia asked, blinking stars out of her eyes.


    ¡°I did see.¡± Garth said, impressed.


    ¡°How much of that was you, and how much your fifth generation bow, Kurt?¡± another one said, jostling the orc¡¯s ribs.


    ¡°Bah. Envy. That¡¯s all I¡¯m hearing.¡±


    ¡°That bow is the result of five generations of what?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Engineering?¡±


    ¡°People,¡± Kurt said with a confused look as they continued on, ¡°What else would it be?¡±


    ¡°So the bow is five generations old?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°How do you keep it from falling apart?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Maintenance? Repair?¡±


    ¡°Hah! you are a funny...¡± He glanced up and down at Garth¡¯s purple skin and green hair, lack of tusks and extreme height. ¡°Whatever you are.¡±


    Hmmm¡­. Garth¡¯s gaze landed on the chunk of laminar crystal peeking out from beneath the thumb of one of the hunters, embedded in the very handle of the bow.


    Color me intrigued.


    The village was in the center of a massive, brightly lit cave with some kind of miniature sun at the center, beating down on them with the heat of noon.


    Buried in the far wall was a sword with a chunk of the laminar crystal in its hilt, sloughing off enough water to create a river through the center of the village, sweeping away refuse to the lower levels.


    Garth couldn¡¯t see any enchantment that would cause it to do that.


    There was a flower box full of ripe wheat that they passed by, overflowing with health and vitality.  As they were walking through town, a matronly women walked out and gave them a unimpressed huff before she cut the wheat and headed back into her home.


    In front of his eyes, the wheat regrew. This wouldn¡¯t normally surprise Garth since he¡¯d pulled tricks like that many a time. The thing was, it was the dusty, dirty, decidedly unenchanted flowerbox that was providing come kind of crude spellwork, along with something his Mana sight couldn¡¯t quite make out.


    Extra nutrients?


    On the side of the box was a pale laminar crystal.


    ¡°interesting¡­¡± Garth said as they walked toward the chieftan¡¯s hut, gaining a following of fascinated villagers who poked and prodded at the two of them in fascination.


    Garth, for his part, spotted a rusty hoe that dripped with a nutrient rich moss growing at a visible rate, a pool of lightly steaming water children were playing in, and a weaving machine that seemed to create fine silk out of anything that was tossed into it.


    Curiouser and curiouser. Garth¡¯s instinct for profit was telling him there was a major untapped resource buried under the surface here.


    White man comes in and steals native¡¯s stuff. A tale as old as time. Well, I guess I¡¯m not technically white anymore.


    ¡°Here it is,¡± Kurt said, pointing to the elder¡¯s hut. Hut was a bit of a misnomer, as the supports seemed to be elegant ivory, and the panels of the wall were some kind of velvet/stone hybrid. Warm, comfy, and yet hard and unyielding at the same time.


    Whatever it was made from didn¡¯t exist outside this dungeon. Not easily anyway.


    ¡°Welcome, Welcome.¡± the elder, a wizened orc said, waving them in excitedly. He was sitting in front of a steaming bowl of soup filled with some unknowable substance. His bowl and spoon were made of a similar ivory substance. The soup smelled good.


    ¡°Welcome to the Safe Haven, outsiders,¡± he said with a toothless grin. ¡°Excuse me if I eat. My bowels rebel if I don¡¯t eat regular meals.¡±


    ¡°Totally understand.¡±


    ¡°So, what news from the outside world?¡± the orc asked.


    ¡°You believe in an outside world?¡± Garth asked. ¡°It seemed like your men thought it was the spirit world.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s why I¡¯m the elder, and they¡¯re the hunters.¡± He said, blowing steam off his soup and taking a sip. ¡°I¡¯ve inherited the stories of each of the ancestors, including before they came to this place, and I can only assume our world is some kind of¡­prison for especially wicked people.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not too far off,¡± Garth said with a shrug.


    ¡°Should I be worried about you?¡± the elder pointed his spoon, looking Garth up and down.


    ¡°No sir. My exile here was more¡­political in nature.¡±


    ¡°I see. And her?¡±


    ¡°I followed him.¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°I see.¡± The orc folded his gnarled hands over each other. ¡°I hate to break this to you, but you¡¯ll be spending the rest of your lives here, one way or another.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I kind of got that feeling.¡± Garth said before glancing out the door. ¡°Doesn¡¯t seem too bad, all things considered.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± the elder chuckled. ¡°Well, now that you¡¯re here it the easiest way to have you be accepted by the community would be to contribute something to our way of life, So, do possibly have any fruits? Seeds of any kind? An animal on your person? A Technology we are unaware of? Be thorough. The first wheat came from a single grain trapped in one of the first Ancestor¡¯s sock.¡±


    ¡°I am an encyclopedia of seeds.¡± Garth said.


    The elder glanced over at Alicia, who shrugged.


    ¡°Explain.¡±


    Garth grew a miniature apricot in his palm, conjured a wooden chair and sat down in front of the elder, maintaining hard eye contact while he ate the fruit.


    The Elder stared at him until his spoon fell out of his hand and clattered to the ground.


    ¡°Here you go.¡± Garth said, sliding the pit across the table before making an apple and starting on that one.


    ¡°How did you do that?¡± the elder breathed.


    ¡°How about a trade?¡± Garth asked, ignoring the man¡¯s question. ¡°One seed of any kind you like, in exchange for each fact about the laminar crystal that grows in your village¡¯s impeyaga.¡±


    The elder¡¯s expression became somewhat confused, like they¡¯d asked a stupid question. ¡°You wish to hear about the Shibeyaga?¡±


    ¡°Please.¡± Garth said, his hands folded.


    ****


    ¡°Isn¡¯t that awesome!¡± Garth said, pointing at the fake sun and the sword creating the waterfall.¡±


    ¡°Awesome how?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Okay, so according to the elder, the Shibeyaga, or Practice Stone, makes any object in contact with it become better at whatever it is being used for.¡±


    ¡°So, Kurt¡¯s bow.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. It¡¯s been around for a hundred years or longer, and It blows holes in things like nobody¡¯s business.¡±


    ¡°So what¡¯s the awesome?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°It makes things better and last longer.¡±


    ¡°The key is sapience!¡± Garth said raising a finger in the air like a mad scientist. ¡°The illusion of purpose!¡±


    ¡°Fifty years ago, that stream was much smaller, but now it¡¯s almost a river.¡± Garth said, pointing to the sword. ¡°According to the Elder, one particular cold night one of the ancestors saw water condensing on the sword and stuck it into the wall above a bucket, which would slowly fill up. Now it makes a creek!¡±


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°Nobody was using the damn thing.¡±


    ¡°They were using it to make water though?¡± Alicia said with a frown.


    ¡°It was the subjective perception of a purpose by a sapient creature remolding the sword¡¯s physical and magical characteristics ¨C from a distance! Isn¡¯t that incredible!?¡±


    Alicia frowned some more.


    ¡°The sun, for example.¡± Garth said, pointing up. ¡°That started as a dim glowing crystal that helped make the cave slightly less¡­pitch black, but over hundreds of years of contact with a Practice Stone, it became¡­that!¡±


    ¡°So¡­It makes things better?¡±


    ¡°At the purpose we believe them to have.¡± Garth said with a manic grin. ¡°And we don¡¯t even have to touch them. Although I imagine touching probably improves the practice stone¡¯s ability to read what you want from the object. Hence the crystals in the bows handle rather than anywhere else.¡±


    ¡°Those,¡± Garth said, pointing, at the individual flowerpots filled with ripe wheat. ¡°Those flowerpots used to be made of stone, but now they¡¯re some kind of like, indestructible plastic that absorbs nitrogen from the air and gives it to the plants. That¡¯s the element of the spell I couldn¡¯t see! It does it without mana!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s very cool, but I don¡¯t see why you¡¯re excited.¡±


    ¡°My dear,¡± Garth said, throwing his arm around Alicia¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Don¡¯t ditch the clothes and settle yourself in for a lifetime eating wheat and moss with the natives, because we¡¯re getting out of here.¡±


    ***


    ¡°You¡¯re never getting out of here.¡± The elder said flatly, glaring at them from across his table.


    ¡°Really? After all the things I¡¯ve done for your village? Those new trees I grew for you the last few weeks? Hollowing out more space for houses? Improving your water system? tricking Alicia into wearing nothing but a thong out of respect for your ways? That seems awfully final for someone who¡¯s done so much for you.¡±


    The elder sighed and scratched his head.


    ¡°We know a safe way to the Core, but it is a nifishya, very bad. Many many years ago, the core room became Nifishya, and its guardian along with it. We do not want to lose someone as valuable as you, and risk the wrath of the guardian in the process.¡±


    ¡°Exactly how nifishya are we talking here?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Only intruders can suffer any harm while within the bounds of the Core room, while the guardian and the core are immortal. It is the Law of the place. The beast that guards the room is also very powerful, very fast, and very deadly.¡±


    ¡°That sounds good to me.¡± Garth said with a grin, causing the elder to erupt with another aggravated sigh.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 200: Scientists with Benefits

    ¡°So here¡¯s what I want to do,¡± Garth said, sitting beside Alicia in the village hot tub, taking a dip with the rest of the Terrafell natives. Needless to say no one was wearing anything, including the wrinkly village elder.


    Bleh.


    They had kicked the kids out to have a moot of the more influencial villagers. The Elder, a few hunters, and their wives.


    ¡°The Practice Effect has to get it¡¯s direction from us. A purpose has never been an objective fact. It must be subjective, and that means mind magic is especially powerful.¡±


    ¡°This sounds strange.¡± One of the corio women said. ¡°The practice effect just is. We have no control over it.¡±


    ¡°Wrong!¡± Garth said, excited. ¡°Because it is subjective, as long as we can control our thoughts, we can control the Practice Effect.¡±


    ¡°And what if the practice effect is simply a positive feedback loop based on tangible benefits that have been received from an object, rather than what we perceive.¡±


    Ah shit, I didn¡¯t think about that.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got a simple way to test that,¡± Garth lied. ¡°but in any case, how would the universe know what was a benefit to you? The laws of reality are cold and unfeeling.¡±


    ¡°You said these stones change them. The laws of reality.¡± Alicia said, leaning back and kicking her feet idly. ¡°What if the stone extracts a construct from your mind and then applies it to reality, which then works independently of your perception?¡±


    ¡°Whose side are you on?¡± Garth demanded, turning over to her. Kurt and his wife Jaela, along with the rest of the surrounding villagers, broke into a laugh.


    ¡°Looks like your girl knows how to get under your skin.¡± Kurt said, grinning with his primal orc-teeth.


    ¡°Bah,¡± Garth crossed his arms and faux sulked, to more laughter.


    ¡°No one said that was a bad thing,¡± Kurt¡¯s wife said, she had a button nose, contrasting her large teeth and larger bosom. Garth had caught Al staring more than once, and Jaela probably had too.


    ¡°I¡¯m more interested in your end goal.¡± The elder said. it was his responsibility to herd the conversation along before it could devolve into mindless chatter and romantic advice.


    ¡°Well, the end goal would be to take control of the Core of the dungeon and harness it to our whim. If you can¡¯t destroy it, control it.¡±


    The Terrafell native stared at him. All laughter and side conversation had subsided.


    ¡°How do you plan on doing that, exactly?¡± The elder said.


    ¡°Well, first I¡¯ll test my theory extensively, work out the guiding principles to how the Practice Stone works. I¡¯ll need to develop a material that can block thoughts of Purpose from interacting with the Stone, along with a way to transmit them.¡±


    ¡°Then once I¡¯ve got that taken care of, I¡¯ll create a little hood to put on the sphere that blocks out negative Purposes and lets in positive ones. In a positive feedback loop, as the core does more things that benefit us, we will believe more strongly that its purpose it to help us, which will slowly transform this place from a deathtrap into a utopia.¡±


    The elder and Kurt exchanged looks.


    ¡°That¡¯s a drastic course of action. How do you plan on getting past the Guardian?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll do it myself,¡± Garth said. ¡°I¡¯m pretty tough. I can lose an arm or two and still be fine.¡±


    Kurt¡¯s eyebrows climbed his forehead.


    ¡°How much time do you expect this experimenting to take before you¡¯re ready to try it on the dungeon?¡± the elder asked.


    ¡°Month or two, at least. Maybe years. There¡¯s no mana condensing material, so I¡¯m going to have to get creative.¡±


    ¡°And how do we know it will do what you say?¡±


    ¡°As proof of concept I¡¯ll turn an object with no purpose into something wildly different, and very specific. Like a rock that mows everyone¡¯s lawns and stirs porridge.¡±


    ¡°And can you guarantee the lives of our families were you to fail and incur the wrath of the core?¡±


    ¡°As far as I¡¯m aware, the core isn¡¯t a thinking being, but you have my word that I will do everything in my power to assure your safety.¡±


    ¡°See that you do,¡± the elder said, giving Garth a calculating stare. ¡°I can see a lot of good coming from your ideas. A lot of bad, too.¡± He addressed the rest of the people in the tub. ¡°I¡¯m curious to see what comes of this. Practice Stones work slowly, so I¡¯ll postpone judgement until we¡¯ve seen a few examples of what Garth is speaking of.¡±


    ¡°Now if you¡¯ll excuse me, I¡¯m getting pruny.¡±


    Everyone groaned and shielded their eyes as the stick thin, wrinkly orc stood up and climbed out of the hot tub, exposing his horrifying front, and then his sagging backside before wrapping a towel around his waist and plodding back to his hut.


    ¡°That¡¯s going to linger,¡± Garth muttered, taking his hand off his eyes.


    ¡°I saw it coming and managed to miss the whole thing.¡± Alicia said with her eyes scrunched shut. ¡°Is he gone yet?¡±


    Garth pinched her defenseless nipple.


    Alicia gave a girlish squeak and punched Garth in the ribs before he held up his hands in surrender, putting an end to the quick fight.


    ¡°So how did you two meet?¡± Jaela asked, separating from her husband to slid across the rounded stone bench and speak to Alicia.


    Ah, once the elder is gone, business is over and gossip begins, Garth thought as he listened to Alicia give her accounting of their meeting. It was vastly different from how Garth remembered it, but he didn¡¯t say anything.


    ¡°You said you could lose an arm and be fine?¡± Kurt asked, addressing him. ¡°I find that hard to swallow.¡±


    That¡¯s what she said.


    ¡°Here, I can show you,¡± Garth said, a wooden blade growing in his hand, sending a bit of ash into the water as the bark sloughed off. The ash caught Alicia¡¯s attention, and she looked over just as Garth was lining the blade up with his arm.


    ¡°Do not get blood in here.¡± She said, scowling at him.


    ¡°Bah,¡± Garth muttered. ¡°Let¡¯s go to the stream.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± Kurt said, nodding.


    Garth climbed out of the stone tub, waving off a playful spank from Alicia as he got to his feet.


    Two other hunters followed Garth to the stream, steam rising off the four of them like like fire.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s see it.¡± Kurt said, he and the other two hunters crossing their arms. In the distance the women shook their heads, rolled their eyes and went back to less violent forms of gossip, chatting happily amongst themselves.


    ¡°You asked for it.¡± Garth said, tossing aside the little knife he¡¯d been intending to make a small cut with, and replaced it with a massive wooden cleaver.


    Everyone leaned in a little closer, fascination written all over their faces. Who wouldn¡¯t stare at a man about to cut off his own arm?


    Garth took a deep breath, lining the cleaver up just beyond his elbow. He took some practice swings, pretending to be nervous as he changed his grip on the cleaver.


    The key to a good performance is building tension.


    Garth took a few more deep breaths, lining up the cleaver, and beginning to shake.


    Kurt scoffed. ¡°Pfft. I knew that was a pile of sh-¡°


    Garth let out a scream and lopped off his arm. Thankfully he was able to get through the bone.


    ¡°Shiit!¡± Kurt shouted, flinching backward as Garth began to scream and thrash, surreptitiously aiming the squirting vein at Kurt¡¯s face.


    ¡°Oh god, oh god!¡± Garth shouted lamely, staggering forward continuing to aim the vein at Kurt as the hunter stumbled backward and fell on his back, covered in blood from head to toe. ¡°Why did I do that? Where¡¯s my arm? Oh my god!¡±


    All three hunters were crawling away from him in panic at this point, none were spared.


    A few of the women screamed at the scene, prompting Alicia to glance over her shoulder at Garth¡¯s antics.


    ¡°Garth, stop being an ass!¡±


    With a thought, Garth¡¯s wound scabbed over, and he stopped staggering forward, straightening up and putting his hand on his hip, leaving three blood-covered hunters staring up at him, wide eyed.


    ¡°Ya¡¯ll might wanna wash off the blood quick, it gets pretty hard when it dries.¡±


    Kurt was the first to leap off the ground, catching Garth in the midsection and carrying him forward, followed by the other two.


    ¡°What are you ¨C ¡° Garth looked behind him, where they were carrying him. ¡°Wait, time out, time out ¨C aaagh!¡± They tossed him into the creek, and while it wasn¡¯t ice cold, compared to the hot tub it was arctic.


    Garth surfaced with a gasp as the other hunters dove in after him to rinse themselves off. After a few minutes of dunking him in revenge, they marveled at his rapidly regrowing stub before the four of them crawled out of the stream, shivering until they slipped back into the steaming pool of water.


    ¡°Remind me never to call your bluff again,¡± Kurt said with a chuckle before retrieving Garth¡¯s disembodied hand from the edge of the pool. The purple hand was dramatically clawed, which made it an excellent ball scratcher, according to Kurt.


    ¡°You keep that in mind.¡± Garth said, putting his feet up in the hot water, as if there was something to rest them on.


    ¡°It¡¯s getting late.¡± Jaela said, pointing at the dim sun above them that kept everyone on Village Time. It had been gradually growing darker this entire time, but Garth hadn¡¯t really noticed it until it had been mentioned, his vision had been engineered to be excellent in the dark.


    Which was a shame, because he couldn¡¯t use it as an excuse to fumble around like the others were, bumping into each other and playfully copping feels.


    ¡°Will you two be joining us this evening?¡± Jaela asked as things started to get a little more heated around the pool, people playing around under the surface of the water, supposedly under cover of the dark.


    I wonder if I should tell them I can see in the dark¡­Naaaah.


    Garth glanced over, and saw Alicia nod in assent, her cheeks burning. Her hand touched on his inner thigh under the water, and slowly began to work its way up.


    ¡°Sure, we¡¯re down.¡± Garth pointed at his stump. ¡°I might need someone to give me a hand, though.¡±


    *****


    Well, the locals are friendly. That¡¯s undeniably a good thing. Garth chewed on a bit of coca leaf as he pondered the room in front of him. He was standing in front of the core room, eyeballing the pale white core the size of a basketball.


    The guardian was a massive leonine thing with barbs on its back, armor plating, and a comparatively small mouth surrounded by powerful muscles. It was reported to be able to use them to snip large chunks out of people then wait for them to bleed out.


    A chomp-and-stalk, much like a komodo dragon.


    It was an extremely mutated version of some of the rodent-like predators on the planet¡¯s surface, and it didn¡¯t like him.


    The room¡¯s boss was pacing back and forth, keeping an eye on Garth, who was sitting only a few feet outside the beast¡¯s territory. The creature was most likely expecting him to make a run for it.


    Which Garth would, if the core could suffer any damage. So far he¡¯d shot ironwood stakes into the room, and they¡¯d shattered against the walls, the monster, and finally the Core. There was also no drugging the creature to allow him better access to the Core. Apparently, whatever made them invincible prevented drugs from working on them.


    That was a bad sign for his plan, if there was truly no way to alter the Sphere at all, then it would fail miserably and the two of them would probably spend the rest of Alicia¡¯s life cooling their heels in Terrafell. Is this why the core can¡¯t go any deeper? Because it¡¯s locked itself in place with some kind of stasis field?


    What Garth was betting his escape on was that he could use the Practice Stones to override the Law of the core room and change the way the core itself behaved.


    But what happens if the core kicks back into gear and starts tunneling toward the planet¡¯s core again? And why won¡¯t this fucking rodent give me a clear view?


    ¡°If you could move just a couple inches to the side,¡± Garth said, motioning for the monster staring at him hungrily to scooch before peering back into his rangefinder.


    ¡°So, according to this, the diameter of the sphere is twenty-five point three four eight centimeters.¡± He said to Alicia, who wrote it down. ¡°A little bigger than a basketball.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s a centimeter, and a basketball?¡±


    Garth stood up from the rangefinder, blinking. ¡°You don¡¯t know what basketball is?¡±


    Alicia shook her head.


    ¡°Remind me to introduce you guys to basketball when we get back. And make a note that we need to test the Practice Stone¡¯s effect in the Core room¡¯s Law before we do anything drastic.


    He turned to Kurt. ¡°I got everything I need, thanks.¡±


    ¡°That was less impressive than I was expecting.¡±


    ¡°Science is pretty boring until something explodes. A famous guy said that.¡±


    ¡°Oh, who?¡±


    ¡°Me.¡± Garth said with a grin.


    ¡°Alright, next thing we need to do is gather up a bunch of smooth cut rocks, set them on a practice stone, and lie to the villagers about how they attract mana for my enchantments.¡±


    ¡°Lie to the villagers?¡± Kurt asked, his brows furrowed.


    ¡°I want to see how effective their belief is at creating a perception of Purpose. You know those helmets your tribe wears around?¡±


    ¡°The Idachi, they protect our thoughts from the nifishya.¡±


    ¡°They sure do, but the new ones don¡¯t work that great, do they?¡± Garth recalled the almost living pulses of mana he¡¯d seen running along the decorated stone helmets.


    ¡°Newly created Idachi provide little protection. We give them to the most experienced hunters, who can shrug off most of the Nifishya¡¯s effects on their own.¡±


    ¡°My god,¡± Garth said, clapping his hands together. ¡°This is giving me chills. Alicia, give me the list of experiments we need to run.¡±


    ¡°Establishing a base rate of performance enhancement over time vs the control,¡± she began ticking off boxes on her notepad as she spoke. ¡°identifying the means by which the stone¡¯s assign purpose to an object, enhancing the speed of a Practice stone¡¯s effects via boosting the mental signal of perceived purpose, physical alteration of the crystal itself, or synergistic effects.¡±


    ¡°Practicing a practice stone probably won¡¯t work.¡± Garth muttered.


    ¡°It¡¯s been tried, many times.¡± Kurt agreed.


    Alicia continued, ¡°Using the Practice stones to create high-quality tools and materials for experimentation and fabrication, finding a way to filter Purpose or create artificial Purpose using plants or magic, testing the Practice stone in rooms that have different Laws, including the core room, and about a dozen more things that make no sense to me.¡±


    ¡°You signed on for this, you gotta do the science thing.¡± Garth said, rubbing his hands together in glee.


    ¡°including, and this is on the list, ¡®women¡¯s lingerie¡¯?¡± she asked, giving him a raised brow.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get to work.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 201: Jean-O-Cide

    Dragus was meditating and upkeeping the intricate spellwork inscribed on his heartstone by his very soul, sharpening the lines, modifying the distribution of colors, seeking the ideal. In the unlikely event that someone were to tear out his heartstone right this second, it would be like the most hypnotic opal anyone had ever seen, with purples, greens, oranges and yellows flickering like fire inside.


    Dragus knew because he¡¯d done it to people like himself before.


    In the distance, he could make out the faint shift in air pressure as a young messenger padded down the hall. He could feel it was a corio, and a woman.


    Teranda then, Kuya¡¯s descendant.


    Kuya had been a promising trainee and had even joined the ranks of the masters before her life was ended over a border dispute with the Fen Sha.


    One thing every immortal knew: Their end would be violent. That was just a fact of immortality. Once you cut out aging or disease, the options became somewhat limited.


    Not Dragus though. He had the heartstone and soul of an Original, waiting for him to break into the realm of the Divine.


    So many people looked up to the Dan Ui clan as the epitome of power, but they didn¡¯t have the same vision that Dragus did. The Dan Ui clan owned more planets, more systems than any other clan, draining power straight from stars to fuels their war machine, but they were still small. Out there were organizations, beings, so powerful that they didn¡¯t even deign to interact with the people of the Spheres.


    Every place he had ever been, every name Dragus had ever heard, every great tale, epic triumph, or tragic sorrow, had occurred in a tiny bubble at the bottom of a vast ocean.


    Dragus wanted to break out of this limiting shell of the Spheres and becoming a god was step one. Once he was out in the wider world¡­He¡¯d pull his reality¡¯s power along with his like a cloak, and conquer them too.


    God of conquest. That¡¯s got a nice ring to it.


    Teranda knocked at the door far more meekly than her great grandmother, and were Dragus¡¯s senses not so acute, he might have missed it entirely.


    ¡°Come in,¡± He said, rolling his eyes at the trainee¡¯s timidness. Still, he had to maintain his persona as the wise and confident clan elder, and berating someone for being too meek did not come across as wise or confident.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got the weekly report.¡± She said shyly, shielding herself from his gaze unconsciously. Kolath, did someone tell her I have eye beams or something?


    ¡°let¡¯s have it,¡± Dragus said, letting none of it into his voice. Best to leave well enough alone. This wouldn¡¯t be the last time he had a star-stuck trainee run for him, and it definitely wasn¡¯t the first.


    The best thing to do was simply wait until their nerves faded.


    ¡°Yes, Umm¡­¡± She slipped open her first folder. ¡°The council of elders wish to know why there was a CC¡¯ed message that circulated from one of your holdings, Earth, that indicated a clue to the location of the First Archmage.¡±


    ¡°It was a hoax to create chaos in our territory.¡±


    Her voice became even higher and fainter.


    ¡°They also wish to know why Earth¡¯s ownership is in dispute. The sex, slaves and drugs on that planet are quite profitable.¡±


    ¡°It will go nowhere, they do not have the same resources nor the same political clout as us.¡±


    ¡°They wish to speak to you. Tomorrow.¡±


    Dragus raised a brow. Pressuring him with such sudden summons was a slap in the face.  He wouldn¡¯t have to worry about the other elders in time, but until then, it was best to continue the charade. Castavelle couldn¡¯t hang on as long as he claimed.


    ¡°Of course. I honor the wishes of the council. I will be there. And what about my reports? What about this imposter who claimed to be Castvelle¡¯s apprentice?


    ¡°Ah yes, Garth Daniels.¡±


    Dragus blinked, the memory of the event unfolding. His Disintegration spell was as powerful as a star and as sensitive as a machine¡­built to sense things. He had felt the man torn to atoms, sensed his soul claimed by Beladia and taken to the afterlife. That had been the end of it.¡±


    ¡°The subject was an apostle of Pala, so take this with a healthy dose of sceptisicm, but an Apostle of Ferenor confirmed his identity as a true disciple of Castavelle De¡¯Chestaland, teaching him under the terrible pseudonym Cassius Clay, a famous human gladiator. Barring a doppleganger replacing the Apostle, or some other extenuating circumstance, it is best to assume that it is the Truth of Ferenor.¡±


    ¡°Ugh,¡± Dragus involuntarily groaned. If it was the same man, then he had some way of coming back to life, and knowing Beladia, it was something to do with plants: A phytolich.


    The last Phytolich he¡¯d met some three thousand years ago had spread spores across the multiverse that could house his soul and regrow his body: Slippery and annoying.


    This particular one probably wasn¡¯t quite so widespread. Most likely, all Dragus needed to do was go to the bastards last known location on his home planet and cast around for a few minutes. His phylactery was probably in a single location, and it certainly couldn¡¯t stand up to a seventh-tier Grand Archmage like Dragus¡­


    Except for the Fact that the Inner Spheres were watching Earth closely while it¡¯s ownership was under dispute. Going there himself or sending any of his students now would be a black mark on the Dan-Ui¡¯s record, and would cause even more damage to their credibility than a pathetic second tier Phytolich ever could.


    Teranda watched him cautiously, and Dragus cut his un-elder-like complaining short. He would simply have to hire out to deal with this mess while Earth was under review. Waiting until they won the legal battle was simply too long.


    ¡°And the apprentice himself? Where is he now?¡±


    ¡°Well, he was sentenced to eight hours of community service in the Terrafell dungeon, at the end of which, his criminal record was expunged, by order of one Argus Neilshin.


    Moron! That prison can¡¯t hold a soul. The bastard will return to haunt me eventually, with a blank slate in the eyes of the law, too.


    ¡°Where is he now?¡± Dragus asked. ¡°This Neilshin fellow?¡± That elf could reopen the case, or push for new sentencing for some other slight against him. There had been many.


    ¡°Umm¡­He¡¯s no longer¡­alive.¡±


    ¡°What!?¡± Dragus demanded, bringing himself to his feet. The mana in the air responded to his anger, condensing into tiny bolts of electricity that spread along the ground like a web.


    Teranda squeaked and shielded her face.


    Dragus sighed, and sat back down, letting the anger flow away from him.


    ¡°Tell me what happened.¡±


    ¡°At the end of Garth Daniel¡¯s eight-hour sentence, ownership of Castavelle¡¯s summer home on Quinteruis was transferred to Mr. Neilshin. We assume this was part of a bribe to convince the elf to give him a lenient sentence. Mr. Neilshin visited within the week, bypassing the wards that prevent non-owners from entering. He died going through the front gate, mid-stride with a grin on his face, like the life had been torn from his body so quickly that he hadn¡¯t even noticed it.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Dragus scratched his head. ¡°Natural selection works on elves too, I guess.¡±


    Teranda stared, obviously uncomfortable at someone disparaging the first class citizens of the multiverse.


    ¡°Alright, we¡¯re just going to have to deal with this problem on our own. Don¡¯t waste any resources on Terrafell. He¡¯s going to reappear on Earth. Send word to double down on our bid to maintain control of Earth. Cut him off at his power base.


    ¡°Sir,¡± she said, making a note at the bottom of the margin.


    ¡°Hit me with the dry stuff.¡± At his word, Teranda flipped to the next folder that showed his personal wealth and how it was progressing.


    ¡°Master Keranos has put down the insurrection on Altuna, productivity is up three percent.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡±


    ¡°There was a drought on the largest continent of Ghonbei, and proceeds are expected to fall for a couple years, until the workforce replenishes itself.¡±


    Dragus waved it off. It wasn¡¯t something he wanted to spend time or resources correcting.


    ¡°Productivity on three of your other planets has grown by ten to fifteen percent, in the last month.¡±


    Dragus frowned. ¡°Is there a reason for that?¡± he asked.


    ¡°According to this it¡¯s¡­¡± she flipped through her sheets. ¡°Decreased monster attacks causing less shrink. Goblins in particular seem to be behaving oddly. Scouts have said they¡¯ve spotted them engaging in little wars with each other¡­more so than usual. Some of these battles range in the millions of the vermin and stretch from one side of the continent to the other.¡±


    ¡°Why are you talking to me about goblins?¡± Dragus demanded. He didn¡¯t care what the pests did to each other. A world war between goblins was only a benefit in that it reduced their filthy numbers.


    ¡°Sorry, I just, em, moving on. Strangely enough, the incidence of murders has risen on these planets ¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s all I need to know,¡± Dragus said. ¡°Move on.¡±


    ¡°Oh, then, the items you requested to be bought at auction we acquired, except the GodWill Core, which was acquired by elder Stephan of the Fan Sha clan.


    Dragus didn¡¯t bother to maintain his fa?ade, rubbing his temples and groaning.


    ***Jelly Bean***


    She¡¯s so beautiful,¡± Jelly said, cradling her daughter as the goblins looked on with awe. Sweat still matted Jelly¡¯s hair to her scalp, and she didn¡¯t know if she could walk just yet.


    The pregnancy had been unnaturally short. Dangerously short. Mark One had made sure she had everything she needed, instructing his whole tribe carry her to the Green Hell, where Mrs. Banyan was able to ensure she would be safe. It was a little scary, but Mrs. Banyan had gotten rid of most of the pain, healed her, and kept having her drink some strange, bubbly drink that danced on her tongue.


    Despite being extremely exhausted, she was starting to feel better than she ever had in her life. Her lungs had become bellows that flooded her with a rush of power, her limbs felt like they could lift mountains, and her mind had never been so clear.


    I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll go away.


    Now the labor was over, and she rested in a wooden bed, surrounded by her new family, who were extremely curious about the little pink baby.


    ¡°Why she not biggening yet?¡± one asked, poking her. ¡°Usually get big in hours.


    ¡°Why pink and not green?¡±


    ¡°Why she come from fun-hole and not eat hole?¡± another asked.


    ¡°Can boy fun-hole do that too?¡±


    Mark One clamped a hand on two of the spectator¡¯s shoulders, his claws making dimples in their skin. ¡°Give jellybean some alone time.¡± He said, his voice nearly a growl.


    How sweet, Jelly thought, smiling as she watched him get protective of her. The goblins paled and scurried away, returning to their usual jobs.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry about that,¡± Mark One said, watching them go, casting glances over their shoulders like dogs that wanted desperately to come back and investigate. ¡°I¡¯ll teach them about bothering people who are sick.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, I love all of them. And your speech has gotten even better! Good job!¡± She reached out and pinched his cheek before he brushed her hand away.


    ¡°I¡¯m happy you and your baby is safe.¡± Mark One said.


    ¡°It¡¯s your baby too, you know?¡± Jelly said with a grin. ¡°She¡¯s got your eyes.¡±


    ¡°All our eyes look similar to me.¡± Mark one had a thoughtful expression for a moment. ¡°She only- gah, she¡¯s only half mine, at best. you keep the whole tribe happy.¡±


    ¡°Do you, umm¡­ do you know how babies work?¡± Jelly asked, brows furrowing.


    ¡°Sure, we each put baby juice inside Jellybean, which builds up into a baby inside her ¨C you.¡±


    ¡°No that¡¯s-¡° Jelly Bean stopped and  thought for a moment. Why bother telling them they should be jealous of each other and that only one could be the father? Wouldn¡¯t it be better for her baby if she was everyone¡¯s daughter?


    Jelly Bean didn¡¯t stop to ponder where that moment of insight came from.


    ¡°You know what? That¡¯s exactly how it works.¡± Jelly said with a smile. ¡°She did get your eyes, though.¡±


    Mark One couldn¡¯t see his own eyes, but they were yellowish with flecks of green, unlike the rest of his tribe, whose were simply brown, yellow, or green. Now there were two with those eyes.


    ¡°What are you going to call her?¡±


    ¡°My granny was really nice, before she passed away. I¡¯m thinking of naming her Jean. Jean One.¡±


    Jean began to fuss inside her wraps, wiggling around.


    ¡°Are you hungry, little Jean?¡± Jelly cooed, holding the infant to her breast, where she began suckling with a surprising amount of force, making Jelly¡¯s toes curl at the near-overload of sensation.


    ¡°Here,¡± Mrs. Banyan said, stepping out of a nearby trunk with a bottle full of faintly iridescent milk. She handed it to Jelly. ¡°Try to make half of her feedings from this. It¡¯ll make sure she doesn¡¯t get sick.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Banyan.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s my pleasure,¡± she said, eyeing the baby with a faint smile. ¡°I was made for this.¡±


    A tiny lance of pain shot through Jelly¡¯s nipple.


    ¡°Ow, Jean, no biting.¡± Jelly blew a gentle, but irritating wind into Jean¡¯s eyes.


    ¡°Biting?¡± Mrs. Banyan asked with a frown.


    ¡°I think she¡¯s teething.¡± Jelly said.


    Mrs. Banyan frowned, staring at the infant intensely before she turned and disappeared into the forest.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 202: Side Effects Include Ninja Lawnmower Rocks

    Captain¡¯s log:


    Two months in, and here¡¯s where we stand on Practice Stone research.


    First, the obvious. An object has to be being used for its purpose for the Practice Effect to come into play. This means that something that passively does its job, like the sun or the water condenser, is constantly Practicing, while something like a bow is not being used for its purpose if it¡¯s just sitting there.


    Second. Sentient and Sapient creatures were thought to be immune to the effect. They are not. They are highly resistant. The sentient mind resists having a single defining Purpose, while the Sapient mind resists it even more. Despite this, a Resonance showed small changes in the subject¡¯s ability and behavior after a single instance. The potential for abuse is rather high, so the experiment was deemed a failure and the official results falsely claimed sapients were one hundred percent immune.


    No one likes to think they can be shaped like clay at the whims of some mad scientist.


    -Note: shape people I know like clay. They¡¯ll thank me later.


    Third, the properties of the crystals themselves. An object does not require direct contact with the Practice stone. Each one creates a field relative to the size of the crystal, about four feet on average, objects that are moved or carried are often adorned with them so they stay within those fields. The fields themselves are waves, as was proven when I managed to create a resonance event.


    Fourth. Resonance events. By creating an enclosure of identical crystals at precise distances from each other, they create an invisible resonance in the center of the formation, where the speed of an object¡¯s Practice is improved at a cubic rate dictated by the number of stones. This is the only known method of boosting the Practice Effect.


    -Ioun stone formation? Food for thought.


    Fifth. Purpose is teeth-grindingly difficult to pin down, and as a key component in my escape plan, I have to fully understand the way objects are assigned purpose and how to manipulate that. The Grass-mowing rock I told all the villagers I had modified to mow grass showed no sign of improvement for two weeks.


    I knew there was a possibility that it could be changed to mow grass, because it kept the grass it was sitting on down. With that as a basis for a very limited, awful functionality, I wanted to see if it would improve, perhaps moving at a slug or snail pace while battering down the grass. After no improvement, I decided to put the rock in a resonance formation with twelve identically cut stones, boosting the Practice effect¡¯s speed by a calculated one thousand seven hundred and twenty-eight times. The reality is more likely to be less, due to microscopic differences between the crystals.


    I would be able to calculate the practical number, but the rock was gone the next morning, and now I can¡¯t find it. The damn thing seems to be hiding from me.


    -Sidenote, Try a resonance formation with a robot butler.


    -Side Sidenote, the grass looks amazing.


    Sixth. Identifying and isolating Purpose is kind of a pain in the ass. There¡¯s no material that can do it¡­.except, the helmet the villagers use to protect their noggins from harmful Laws messing with their heads. I was graciously lent one of the finest helmets in the village to run experiments on. With it in the center of the Resonance Formation, it dampened the practice of a light-creating stone by roughly ninety eight percent.


    The problem is, the helm is most likely blocking Law altering reality, rather than Purpose. Which is weird because it uses a Law to gain strength. Nope, not gonna touch that with a ten-foot pole.


    Now. I¡¯ve also confirmed that an object can change purpose from one to another over time. A splendid example would be the sword creating the waterfall on the other side of the village. I theorize that some substances might provide a ghost of resistance to Purpose, like a window filters out an imperceptible amount of light.


    If I were to follow the Grass mowing rock¡¯s scheme, I could skip identifying and studying the identity of Purpose in the Practice Effect¡¯s system, and simply make an object capable of harnessing specific types.


    Which I could then reverse engineer to identify how Purpose works. And if all else fails, I could just go for it. But how do I make sure the creation does exactly what I need it to do? The stakes are too high to just wing it. For example, The grass rock¡¯s purpose has evolved, creating pretty patterns in people¡¯s grass. I assume someone saw a lined pattern and thought, oh man, that¡¯s cool, then the rock started doing it more, creating a feedback loop.


    The problem would be if people start attributing certain unwanted behavior patterns to the dungeon. The most likely outcome I could see was ascribing some malevolent divinity to the Core, and expecting it to demand sacrifices.


    Then it would start demanding sacrifices.


    Enter a horrible feedback loop of awful until everyone is dead.


    No, I need to create something that only allows Garth¡¯s Purpose through, or failing that, only allows a predetermined Purpose to affect the Core.


    Garth tapped his pen on his book, thinking.


    Oh well, only way to find out is to give it a shot. time to Start growing Purpose filtering and magnifying materials.


    The notes sank into the magic book, absorbed into the pages, leaving them once again blank. This way if he got mind-fucked again, he could get back some of his progress.


    Om nom nom. Text floated to the surface of the pages.


    ¡°You¡¯re not actually eating that, are you?¡± Garth asked.


    Yes and no. The words I can spit back out whenever you want. The information sustains me. Everyone knows the more information a book has in it, the better it is.


    ¡°That¡¯s snobbish.¡±


    Maybe against childrens books.


    ¡°I loved Go Dog Go when I was a kid.¡±


    Philistine.


    ¡°So, have you experienced any changes from the effects of the stones?¡±


    I¡¯m too awesome to be swayed by some pedestrian, low-level reality-warping effects. My Self correcting subroutines have prevented any changes.


    ¡°That¡¯s good I guess.¡±


    My Self-correcting subroutines have also increased their efficiency by about 0.005% since we¡¯ve gotten here, which irks me.


    ¡°Ah.¡±


    Garth turned to face several dome-shaped pieces of steel that he¡¯d been able to refine out of the dungeon¡¯s walls, designed to fit a certain basketball sized core.


    They were steel now, but who knew what they would look like after he lied his ass off about their Purpose and gave them a couple nights in the center of a resonance formation?


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s get this show on the road.¡± Garth took his wooden card full of clearly demarcated plates of steel with colorful pictures on them, which were otherwise identical, and rolled it out of his hut, emerging on the outskirt of the village and rolling it into the village square.


    Garth stood there for the next eight hours, explaining to each and every villager that came by exactly what they did and how they were different, firmly cementing the object¡¯s Purpose in the collective consciousness, including his own. Kurt watched with suspicion, but some more chocolate kept him from saying anything.


    ¡°The brown one with the hammer on the front is for tools. It lets through any thoughts that reinforce an object¡¯s sturdiness. The one with a flowerpot here, this one only lets through thoughts that make the object inside better at growing plants.¡±


    ¡°So it¡¯s a flowerpot?¡± a drooling half-orc child asked, dirty finger hanging half out of his lips.


    ¡°NO!¡± Garth caught himself before he shouted further, balling his hands into fists. This was why this was such an inexact science.


    ¡°It makes things into flowerpots, dummy.¡± His tiny Corio friend said, poking him. She was a tiny little goat-person with tiny little horn-nubs on her head.


    ¡°You know what? Close enough.¡± Garth said with a nod. Now that I¡¯ve spent the last half hour getting them primed, let¡¯s do the one I really care about. It was necessary to explain the previous six so that any misunderstandings could be cleared up before he described the one he really wanted to turn out accurately.


    It was like a filtration system for stupid.


    ¡°This one here, is tuned to my frequency alone, and only lets my thoughts through.¡± He said, laying a possessive hand on the purple one with green on top.


    ¡°It looks like your head!¡± the orc boy said, pointing.


    This is going to be a long day.


    When the artificial sun began to dim overhead, the number of gawkers had greatly diminished, because Garth had already explained the function of each dome to the entire village. The remainder were really just there because it was a convenient place to gossip.


    Garth squinted up at the dimming gemstone in the ceiling, then back down.


    ¡°If you¡¯ll excuse me,¡± Garth said politely to the corio mothers, whose herd/gossip instinct had caused them to surround him like an oasis in the desert.


    ¡°Of course,¡± Kerana said, nodding and moving out of the way as he packed up his cart and rolled it back into his mad science hovel.


    Maybe not as much of a mad science hovel as it could have been.


    Needs more crackling electricity and ladies tied up in compromising positions, Garth thought as he entered. The room was a simple, flat circle that he¡¯d cut out of the stone, then erected a solid wall of wood around. It was bigger than most of the houses, but deliberately smaller than the village elder¡¯s.


    ¡°Maybe Alicia would be willing to help with that.¡± Garth said to himself as he put each of the domes in the center of a ring of pre-cut Practice Stones, covering a single light-emitting stone. The domes had to be actively muffling the Purpose to something else to gain


    ¡°I feel like now would be the time for an evil laugh,¡± Garth said, rubbing his hands together in glee as the exposed steel ever so slowly began to turn paler. He was using twenty crystals each, after all, for a maximum speed of eight thousand times normal speed.


    Probably closer to five thousand times speed, though.


    In order to make sure they didn¡¯t gain self-awareness and wander off like the lawnmowing rock whose whereabouts were unknown, he had decided to only use resonance formations under adult supervision. No more leaving the formation on while he slept.


    It still hasn¡¯t fallen for any of the traps yet.


    And to make sure the light-emitting crystals didn¡¯t get bright enough to melt through the floor, Garth was going to have to check on them every five minutes or so, which would be about a month of standard Practice.


    He glanced at the wheelbarrow full of faintly glowing crystals.


    Yeah, I got this.


    He glanced at the dome that was meant to filter out all thoughts save his own.


    The crystal under that dome, it kinda looks like Beladia doing a pinup pose.


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s taken care of,¡± Garth said, ¡°Now, the ioun stone project.¡±


    Garth took out the plates of mana sensitive stone he¡¯d grown from cheap granite. The stones had turned almost Core colored, a milky, shiny, pale color.


    Garth flexed his hand and manifested blackened thorn-like claws at the tips of his fingers. He started whistling as he worked, dragging a sharpened claw through the stone and peeling up large sections to make room for the mana channels.


    First step, a new laser cutter, get some Practice on that, then make some Ioun Stones, then delve through space-time I should untangle the web of lies and uncover the secrets of the past before Alicia comes home with dinner.


    I wonder what I should cook tonight. I guess it depends on what she brings back, but I¡¯m thinking some kind of pasta. Not too much though, or I won¡¯t have enough energy to indulge Alicia¡¯s habit of getting tied up and whipped.


    A few minutes into musing while he carved, Castavelle¡¯s notebook started ringing, so he bopped it on the cover to stop it, and checked the crystals under the domes.


    They were noticeably brighter than before, but didn¡¯t show much sign of changing according to the dome¡¯s filter.


    That was fine. The filters were starting at a much lower point than the glowing crystals. The glowing crystals obviously made light, while the amount of Purpose that steel filtered was basically zero.


    Garth took his lumpy, decidedly non-Beladia glowing crystal and set it aside with a note. He didn¡¯t want his personal filter to think he only wanted Beladia paraphernalia, so he created half a dozen different purposes for individual glowing crystals, including heating liquids and spinning in a circle when exposed to heat.


    The Purpose of the final dome was to only let his belief on what the object should do through, all


    Five minutes made them brighter, but just barely noticeable. Let¡¯s take this out to ten minutes, or two months per check-up.


    Garth switched out the crystal in his personal filter and went back to work on a laser-cutter, humming along until a thought occurred to him.


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s what happened!¡± Garth shouted, slapping his forehead, barely missing himself with his claws.


    About a week in, when the Grass-cutting rock hadn¡¯t been moving, a kid had asked him why it wasn¡¯t moving, and asked him if he was, perchance, full of shit.


    Garth had tossed off a quick lie about the rock only moving when no one was looking, all stealthy-like. This answer had seemed to satisfy the kid, who¡¯d gone off to play, and Garth had completely put it out of his mind.


    The mythos of the rock had spread word of mouth without Garth knowing about it, and it had gotten ninja-powers, which explained why it was so hard to find.


    Ninja lawnmowing rock, Garth thought with a chuckle before blowing a bit of dust out of his mana channels.


    After about five years worth of Practice, Garth started seeing the first tangible benefits, with the Flower-pot maker specifically. The glowing crystal¡¯s gains in brightness began to slow down, and then plateau, as it started to slowly widen out into a dish, with a little ridge around the edge. Garth imagined if he waited longer, those ridges would go full-on flowerpot.


    Soon, all of the domes were doing an excellent job whitelisting certain Purposes.


    Garth took the crystal he¡¯d decided looked a bit like Beladia and put it back under the hood before returning to his laser cutter, which was Practicing in the center of a similar formation.


    The cuts quickly became more and more detailed, the movements more and more precise, until Garth was forced to make a microscope to see the intricate details. At this rate, I¡¯ll be able to sign my name on Abe Lincoln¡¯s Mole. If I had a penny¡­which I don¡¯t.


    Garth was about to start work on the ioun stones when he heard Alicia approach the front door. He could tell it was her by the sound her feet made on the ground. She also seemed to be carrying at least twenty pounds of meat for future eats.  I guess unraveling the very fabric of time was a little presumptuous for a single evening. Alicia entered Garth¡¯s hut with a bloody leg of some unidentified monster over her shoulder, and a tiny Gorn sitting on her other.


    The pint-sized storm god glanced around the hut with measured disappointment.


    ¡°Needs more clouds,¡± He said, kicking his tiny heels against her shoulder.


    ¡°This is new,¡± Garth said, straightening.


    Alicia looked Garth dead in the eye and asked, ¡°Can you make him go away?¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 203: Watch what you Think

    ¡°Stick out your tongue and say ah.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± The tiny Gorn stuck out his tongue and Garth used a tongue depressor to check his tiny tonsils, followed by a stethoscope to the chest to listen to his tiny heartbeat.


    ¡°Well, Mr. Gorn, from what I can see, you seem to have come down with a sudden case of Avatar Syndrome,¡± Garth said, taking the stethoscope off his ears. Garth wasn¡¯t the absolute most knowledgeable man in the multiverse, but compared to everyone else in this dungeon, he was the goddamned Dr. Who.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got a heartbeat, tonsils, pupillary response, salivation, all the things to indicate being alive, but¡­¡±


    Garth pulled out Gorn¡¯s palm, took some mana and tried to push it through the deity¡¯s flesh.


    The mana bounced off, and for a brief second, he could see the ultrafine web of mana in a strange, organic pattern underneath his skin. Normally mana would go straight through a person¡¯s body unless it had some kind of effect.


    ¡°You seem to be entirely composed of mana rather than fleshy meat and, according to you, are cut off from your main consciousness?¡±


    Gorn nodded. ¡°It¡¯s very disconcerting, being corporeal again. I don¡¯t know why Munasei and Beladia like it so much. I¡¯d much rather be happily spread out, everywhere, making storms.¡±


    ¡°Probably because it¡¯s hard to for Munasei to get nailed while incorporeal.¡± Alicia chimed in.


    Gorn shuddered.


    ¡°Alicia, tell me how this happened again.¡± Garth said, turning his wheeled doctor chair to face her.


    ¡°We were hunting for meat lizards in one of the Nifishnya, one that makes bad thoughts take form.¡±


    ¡°Like the Facet one?¡±


    ¡°From what they told me, it makes weird, amorphous creatures that attack or pester, not copies.¡±


    ¡°Not like the Facet one.¡± Garth said, thumbing his chin. ¡°Were you wearing your OSHA safety gear?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Alicia asked raising a brow.


    ¡°Were you wearing a helmet?¡±


    ¡°Yes, one of the best ones.¡±


    ¡°And when did Gorn here make the scene?¡±


    ¡°We were ambushed by a mouther. I saw it coming a mile away, but when I went to flick it out of the air with lightning, he came out instead.¡±


    ¡°So you tapped into Gorn¡¯s gifts.¡± Garth clarified.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Well this seems like an easy fix.¡± Garth said, slapping his knee. ¡°Blast him.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Gorn and Alicia said at the same time.


    ¡°Every Apostle has a two way connection to their deity.¡± Garth thought about his extra strong Beladia tether. ¡°Some stronger than others.¡±


    He pointed at the tiny Gorn. ¡°That is a part of Gorn¡¯s mana, given physical form, but lacking a connection to his consciousness. If you were to channel his mana while touching him, the connection will be restablished, and Gorn will use that opportunity to reabsorb his avatar here.


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    Alicia placed a hand on Gorn¡¯s shoulder, and lightning lanced down her arm. In a flash of light almost too fast for Garth¡¯s enhanced senses, Gorn¡¯s avatar dissolved in a flash of light and travelled back up Alicia¡¯s arm, overloading her whole body with crackling bolts of energy.


    ¡°Gah, mother-¡° Alicia tensed up for an instant, then relaxed, her eyelids fluttering as the endorphins flooded her brain. ¡°fuuuck.¡±


    Wow, I had no idea that would work. Garth made a note in Castavelle¡¯s notebook.


    ¡°What was your class again?¡± Garth asked, redirecting his attention to Alicia.


    ¡°None of your business.¡± She said when she came down from the pain high.


    ¡°As your master, I would think-¡°


    ¡°What¡¯s for dinner?¡± she asked, avoiding the subject.


    ¡°Spaghetti. It¡¯s not Lightning Bottom is it?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°I would have thought after all the things we¡¯ve done, you wouldn¡¯t be embarrassed about the name of your class.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re pretty grating sometimes,¡± she said, sitting at the table and pointing a fork at him. Her plush lips got him thinking about things other than her class.


    ¡°I¡¯ve heard that before. I¡¯ll drop it for now,¡± Garth said, putting his hands up as Alicia began eating.


    Almost as soon as she got started, Garth ushered her up and showed her each of his new inventions of the day, gushing in a flood of excitement while she forked rolls of pasta from her bowl into her mouth.


    ¡°Ioun stones that alter reality at my command!¡± Garth said, excited.


    Alicia sucked in the last strand of spaghetti, careful not to slap herself in the face with the noodle. ¡°Explain.¡±


    ¡°Okay, so I got the resonance formation.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡±


    ¡°So I was thinking about making a formation of stones covered with an enchantment that would make them float anywhere I want them to, always in prefect relation to each other, so I can simply pick targets and they¡¯ll spin around it, giving whatever it is a shit-ton of exposure to the practice effect.¡±


    ¡°A floating, targetable Resonance formation.¡± Alicia said, nodding. ¡°Neat.¡±


    ¡°Right. Ever since I found out about the need for a precise distance for the resonance to work, I¡¯ve been brainstorming ways to put one around the core without the rat-tiger in the Core Room fucking everything all up.¡±


    ¡°And you think this will do it?¡±


    ¡°Yes, If I make them autocorrecting, so they return to formation even if knocked away, or change their formation if one is destroyed. As long as they¡¯re tough too, they should be able to reassemble themselves between every bat from those gigantic claws. They might not be on one hundred percent of the time, while reassembling, but it¡¯s way better than having to start from scratch if the creature manages to move a single crystal by a fraction of a centimeter.


    ¡°Okay, why are you so excited, though?¡±


    ¡°because,¡± Garth said, reaching under the dome in the center of the formation and pulling out the tiny crystalline Beladia in the middle of washing her hair in the nude. She glowed softly in the green and brown of the deity¡¯s colors.


    ¡°I made this with Practice stones and my own thoughts and nothing else.¡±


    ¡°¡­good?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a hundred villagers here that believed that this stone¡¯s Purpose was to glow and that was it. from my experiment, I know that Purpose is unaffected by stats, so their belief heavily outweighs my own.¡± Garth said with a grin. ¡°This little figurine means I made a filter that only lets my Purpose through.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯re going to put that cap on the Core?¡± Alicia asked, glancing over at the pale dome.


    ¡°Nope!¡± Garth said with a grin. ¡°I¡¯m gonna coat the Ioun Stones with it, so that no matter what they¡¯re targeting, my Purpose is the only one transmitted through them.¡±


    ¡°You sure that¡¯ll work?¡± she asked.


    ¡°No, but the dome works, so, Worst case scenario I¡¯ll have to make a few dozen pok¨¦ball looking things, and we¡¯ll have to keep the Boss distracted while we hijack the dungeon a little bit at a time.¡±


    ¡°So in either case¡­¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re going home.¡±


    Alicia jumped on him and gave him a big spaghetti kiss on his cheek.


    ***


    A couple days later, Garth finished his Halo, small Practice stones cuts with machine precision to be absolutely identical before being coated with a layer of Purpose filter, then a layer of enchantments scripted with microscopic detail, then a layer of armor.


    Wish I had better names than Purpose filter. Ah well, it is what it is.


    Garth had programmed the enchantments with every behavior he could imagine, using his laser cutter to make maximum use of the layer of I Can¡¯t Believe It¡¯s Not Core? stone, leaving a little bit of wiggle room, pockets of open space in the design for the shells to grow into.


    While the stones themselves were immune to their own effect, the shell that he¡¯d placed around them would be constantly under the barrage of the Practice effect. Garth was confident that leaving open space on the enchantment would allow new channels to grow as the shells learned.


    Yep, why stop at a really useful tool when you can give it the ability to learn and grow?


    One of these days, I¡¯m gonna ¨C Garth truncated the thought before he finished it. He had to be careful what he thought before his creation had stabilized.


    As Garth took the clamp off of it, the last stone came off the table, spinning with its delicate guts hidden behind a millimeter of nigh indestructible armor. The trapezohedron joined the swarm of identical bretheran, their formation automagically adapting to incorporate the new addition.


    Since they were in standby mode, they took turns spinning in the center of their own formation, an idea Garth had to maximize their efficiency. Why waste time doing nothing when they could be Practicing each other? The actual behavior reminded Garth of an animal preening its feathers as they methodically gave each piece a couple seconds at the center of the mind-bogglingly intense Practice Effect, improving its armor, behavior patterns, and filter Efficiency. Each stone spent a moment in the center before moving on to the next in an odd kind of conveyor belt that was almost hypnotic to watch.


    ¡°Alrighty then,¡± Garth said, looking around. The first thing he needed to do was confirm that the filters were working properly, which meant more testing. His first thought was to grab a bunch of villagers and claim he¡¯d made another lawnmowing rock. Problem was, they would more than likely catch on if he then whipped out his incredibly fancy looking metal coated crystals and had them spin around an ordinary rock or something. That wouldn¡¯t work.


    Garth stood away from the work bench and cracked his spine with a groan. He¡¯d been working on the Ioun Stones in a creative frenzy for sixteen hours, and Alicia had long since gone to bed, woken up, had breakfast and went out for the day.


    ¡°A simple glow-stone should do it.¡± Garth took one of the glowstones and placed it on a stand for this specific purpose.


    ¡°Alright, let¡¯s-¡° Garth glanced over his shoulder at the Halo, and his jaw dropped.


    ¡°Well that was fast.¡±


    The formation of stones had altered their idle into a complex three-dimensional shape that allowed nearly every single piece to receive boosted Practice simultaneously. The pattern still shifted hypnotically, stirring in a way that made Garth¡¯s brain hurt, even when he tried to review the memory in slow-mo.


    Are the enchantments diddling with Space magic? I never added that.


    As soon as he thought of it, light began to warp around the Halo in strange ways, as pockets of reality-altering contradictions opened up in space, until each stone was at the center of the other twenty-four stones, each one receiving the full brunt of over ten thousand times Practice speed, simultaneously. So many tiny portals made it look like the air was filled with thousands of the metal-coated gemstones, spinning and glittering.


    ¡°Alright, very impressive, get over here.¡± Garth said, snapping his finger and pointing at the glowstone, not allowing himself to feel the slightest trepidation. This thing was more powerful than he¡¯d expected.


    The tears in space disappeared, and the stones moved to make a new formation around the target.


    Widen it out, Garth thought, peering into the gem as he projected the exact purpose he wanted the gem for. He needed a large, round, flat surface to create a scrying mirror out of, and this stone was doing it.


    The gemstone morphed in front of him at an unreal speed, turning from a glowing stone into a large, round mirror as his reflection went from a vague impression to a full color replica with internal lighting. Somehow the gem put on several pounds of weight as it shifted.


    With a thought, Garth waved the Halo off, and the stones returned to their mind-bending self-Practice.


    ¡°How¡¯s this look?¡± Garth asked, holding up The Origin of Gods up to inspect the mirror.


    Looks better than I expected. Now you gotta create these symbols. Using the blood of someone who was there helps.


    Garth inspected the image that came up, committing them to memory in seconds.


    ¡°You¡¯re not screwing with me this time?¡± Garth asked.


    Not this time.


    ¡°Alright¡­hope this works.¡± Garth muttered, slicing open his fingertip and replicating the runes with broad, confident strokes. He wasn¡¯t sure his blood counted, but it wasn¡¯t absolutely necessary that it did, either.


    ¡°Clean that up a little, would you?¡± Garth asked Halo as soon as he was done. The metal-sheathed crystals crowded around the mirror, and in seconds, the blood lettering shifted, becoming perfectly even, with lines that looked like they had been stamped on by a laser printer.


    ¡°How¡¯s that?¡± He asked again, holding up the book.


    Passable. All you need to do now it touch the mirror, Pick a marker, and cast the spell.


    Garth closed his eyes and touched the mirror, picturing the complicated spell in his mind, temples aching as he contorted the Space and Time mana into the proper shape and sending them through the mirror.


    He could feel it warm up under his hand, and mentally nudged the Halo to start Practicing the mirror again.


    Scry the Past.


    Garth opened his eyes. He was in the halls of


    ¡°Marker, Marker!¡± Jim shouted, running down the ribbed hall like a lunatic. Garth took a step after him, aiming to figure out what the prick¡¯s hint was before he heard another voice.


    ¡°You two have a lot in common.¡± Sandi said, causing Garth to freeze.


    He glanced behind him and saw himself staring after Jim with a disgusted expression.


    Ghost rules, I guess. Garth heard the sound of Jim¡¯s footsteps retreating down the hall and reluctantly tore his eyes away from Sandi, chasing Jim at his top speed.


    The tall, athletic man tore open a door and ducked into a sideroom just around the corner, shivering, sweating and rocking back and forth.


    ¡°Marker, marker, markermarkermarker.¡±


    Garth¡¯s hair stood on end as he watched his brother devolve into some kind of mental breakdown state of extreme stress.


    ¡°The hell is going on?¡± Garth muttered to himself, squatting down to observe Jim¡¯s bulging eyes. If he hadn¡¯t been furious with him at the time, he would have realized that Jim wasn¡¯t upset or sad, or even crazy for being told off¡­ he was terrified. Gun to the head terrified.


    ¡°Stumbled on something you shouldn¡¯t have, did you?¡± a voice came from the corner of the room, drawing Garth attention.


    A¡­shadow emerged from the corner of the room, advancing on Jim. It looked¡­kind of like Pala, but it was decidedly masculine. Garth had spent enough time around Pala to know that the deity didn¡¯t want anyone to have any clue about any aspect of his/her identity.


    This shadow walked and talked like it had a dick.


    Interesting.


    ¡°I told you not to overuse that ability. Didn¡¯t I tell you that? Then you went begging to my sister for help, and nearly ruined everything. She¡¯s already suspicious enough.¡±


    The shadow walked forward, and some buried survival instinct in Garth made him move out of the shadow¡¯s way. Even in Patrick Swayze Mode, something told him this shadow was bad news.


    ¡°Please, don¡¯t,¡± Jim blubbered, tears streaming down the star quarterback¡¯s cheeks as the shadow knelt in front of him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, all you have to do is zone out, like you¡¯re watching TV. I hear humans can waste their entire lives like that.¡±


    A tiny black portal opened in the air, and a squirming thread of black mana writhed its way out of the abyss, curling into a sphere in the shadow¡¯s palm.


    A flicker of defiance passed across Jim¡¯s eyes. ¡°She told me what to do. He¡¯s going to see this. he¡¯s going to come.¡±


    ¡°Really? Because I don¡¯t see him any-¡° The shadow¡¯s head came up suddenly, and it¡¯s neck twisted to look directly into Garth¡¯s eyes. Its gaze forced a thread of ice down his spine that raised every hair on his body.


    ¡°Son of a bitch.¡± The shadow sighed, raising its hand toward Garth. A wave of black fire rolled toward him.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 204: Backlash

    Garth slammed the scrying shut with all the intensity of someone opening a refrigerator full of severed heads. It didn¡¯t help.


    Black fire flooded through the mirror, and Garth was propelled through the air, the small of his back slamming against his stone workbench before he was flipped over and hit the side of his little hut hard enough to send splinters erupting out around him like a strange halo.


    The fire stormed through the mirror, filling the hut like water. It radiated an energy that hurt to look at, like staring into a blacklight. Wherever the fire lingered, things crumbled to dust.  The table and all Garth¡¯s tools were covered in it, dissolving in seconds as he peeled himself away from the wall.


    Garth gave a quick mental command for the Halo to keep itself out of reach of the fire, and the swarm of stones lifted themselves out of range.


    Garth¡¯s clothes crumbled away, and the grey corruption began to spread to his skin. Garth tried to put a blockade of mana between himself and the ravenous spell, but the fire treated the external mana like it wasn¡¯t even there.


    ¡°The Fff-¡° Garth grunted as his skin began to lose it¡¯s healthy Beladian purple.


    Pain began to shoot across his entire body as his skin¡¯s nerves reactivated, crying out in agony instants before they began to swell and mutate.


    His engineered body was trying to fix itself as growths began to form all across his body before they played out in instants, turning black and sloughing off faster than they could regrow.


    It wasn¡¯t fire. The cancerous little nubs that peeled off of him in droves attested to that, but Garth couldn¡¯t quite narrow down what was happening to him.


    It wasn¡¯t fire, and it had to be magical in origin, but it was unaffected by magic. A Blessing? An Apostle¡¯s Blessing couldn¡¯t be prevented by typical means.


    The fire seemed to be slowing down as Garth¡¯s adrenal response kicked into high gear, giving him plenty of perceived time to study his rapidly mutating skin.


    It seems like cancer-causing radiation on fast-forward, except, if it were, my insides would be growing tumors too. Radiation doesn¡¯t stop at the skin. So whatever this is can penetrate mana like it¡¯s not even there, but can¡¯t penetrate skin unless it broke it down.


    Garth¡¯s gaze flickered over to his destroyed workstation. One of his big steel clamps was simply a pile of rust at this point.


    It¡¯s not rapid aging, but it mimics the effects of rapid aging, mixed with radiation¡­.Entropy!


    The fire probably came from a god. One who¡¯d spoken to Jim, and warned him not to overuse his ability.


    Presumably the one who gave it to him.


    He obviously had a dick, and talked about his sister.


    I only know one god that ticks all those boxes.


    That night I dreamed about the twin gods of fate, Elle and Markus.


    Garth remembered Jim mentioning his patrons, just minutes before he was taken over by a black mana tapeworm. Brother and sister.


    Garth also remembered their appearance, as the two of them had dismissed him as not being¡­Fate-y enough.


    Garth closed his eyes and brought up the memory of Jim speaking to him after the meeting, separating his mana sight from the memory of the event.


    Surprise surprise, The little butthole was using his Blessing, Weal and Woe, to navigate the conversation with Garth to achieve the best possible result.


    The Blessing was a strange one, with a rather intricate arrangement of mana that allowed it to accept almost any proposed action with a single thought, then test it to see if would read Weal or Woe.


    Weal was a silvery mana, while Woe was light-absorbing black¡­much like the flames that were currently destroying his body. The entire spell could be boiled down to a very delicate test that worked like an upside down tuning fork. Smack the business end with the proposed course of action, and the weal or Woe would respond by rising up the handle of the tuning fork.


    Garth watched in fascination as Jim pinged the Good Idea/Bad Idea ability every ten seconds or so, essentially surrendering control of his decision-making process to his patrons.


    Stupid brother of mine.


    You have Learned Weal and Woe! 0.1% Profic?§¨???----


    Garth¡¯s Status Band released a puff of smoke as it corrupted and fell off his arm.


    Yeah, better hurry this shit up.


    Garth was pulled back into the present moment, where his body was rapidly being devoured by black cancer-flames. He channeled Beladia¡¯s mana, pushing his fertility aura out in a tightly controlled wave. The black fire pressed up against the purple mana, providing extreme resistance as he tried to peel it away from his skin.


    It lost its hold on him as the last of his unhealthy skin crumbled and was replaced by fresh new tissue, like a nasty piece of stuck-on food taking some of the stove¡¯s chrome with it. I¡¯ll live.


    The black flames were pushed back by Beladia¡¯s mana, and Garth thought he could feel¡­irritation, when he looked at them.


    Garth pushed himself off the wall, keeping Beladia¡¯s Fertility aura wrapped tightly around himself in an ovoid shape. Moss sprang into being, and insects seemed to come out of nowhere like Genesis, covering the floor at his feet. When the aura passed, the black flames attacked them, crumbling them to dust in seconds.


    Garth broke into a run toward the scrying mirror that was still belching black flame into his little hut, the runes written in his blood glowing along the edges.


    Garth covered his fist in hardened plant matter and let out a grunt of effort as he smashed his pointed knuckles against the reflective pane.


    The mirror shattered, and as soon as the symbols written in his blood were no longer whole, the black fire pouring into the room shut off like someone had simply flipped a switch.


    Now what do I do about the shit we¡¯ve got here? Garth thought, glancing around the veritable ocean of Woe that was pooling around him, barely held off by his status as and Apostle.


    Last thing I need is Alicia coming back right now, Garth thought, glancing toward the door. His first instinct was to stick the door shut so that she couldn¡¯t stumble into this absolutely foul substance.


    Oh, that¡¯s not going to be an option, Garth thought as he spotted all the holes that had been worn through the sides of his wooden hut. The fire poured out of the compromised hut, flowing like water among the startled villagers.


    Shit!


    Garth sprinted for the door and didn¡¯t bother to slow down long enough to open it. Sure enough the door had been weakened enough for him to jump right through it, shedding the crumbling wood like water.


    Teleport.


    Garth teleported himself twenty feet away with a one hundred and eighty degree turn, facing his own hut that was oozing black badness into the village.


    ¡°If there are any unwanted pregnancies, I apologize in advance! Hold onto your uteruses, erm, uteri!¡±


    Garth held both hands forward and channeled a flood of Beladia¡¯s Borrowed Mana, probably earning him a stern talking-to from the busty deity during his next REM sleep. He corralled the black fire before it had a chance to spread any further than his lawn.


    Out of the corner of his eye, Garth spotted Ninja Lawnmower Rock vanish in a puff of smoke.


    Damnit! No, I¡¯ve got more important things to do. Garth shook off his frustration and focused on creating a wall of purple mana, penning the flames into his house.


    A sudden thought sent ice through Garth¡¯s veins, but when he glanced over his shoulder, Halo was sitting there in idle mode, outside the hut. It must had gotten out while the getting was good, too.


    ¡°This circle of grass helps hold the black flames at bay.¡± Garth told himself and Halo. ¡°Make it so.¡±


    Halo did three passes around the perimeter, and the living grass began radiating the same silvery mana that seemed to be the black stuff¡¯s antithesis, pushing the mana inward to reinforce Garth¡¯s containment.


    Mana From Elle?


    Who cared, as long as it did what it was supposed to do.


    That¡¯s what got Jim killed, A little voice said in the back of his mind.


    Garth gingerly slackened Beladia¡¯s mana and was pleasantly surprised when the grass took over the job of keeping the fire contained. The fire settled for climbing up his hut and consuming everything inside it in an angry blaze.


    Do your worst, shitheel, I already made Halo, I can recreate better tools in a matter of hours, Garth thought, crossing his arms with a smug grin. Now I gotta wonder how much this deity knows, and how bad he¡¯s trying to kill me. Or was I just dealing with an apostle?


    Gah, not enough information to be one hundred percent sure. I sure as hell don¡¯t have the ability if someone is scrying on me from the future¡­I think.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Kurt shouted, his green face pale in fright as he charged up, staring slackjawed at the building black fire consuming Garth¡¯s House/Laboratory.


    ¡°Ayup?¡± Garth asked, his arms crossed as he glanced over at the orc.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on? What happened?¡±


    ¡°I made a reality warping Omni-tool,¡± Garth said, unfolding his arms and ticking off a finger, ¡°I scried on an event that happened some eight hundred and forty eight years ago,¡± he ticked another finger.


    ¡°Pissed off a god, and I¡¯m pretty sure he was responsible for like, a small fraction of my brother¡¯s douchiness. He just sent me a Cease and Desist letter that caught my skin and house on magic evil fire.¡±


    Garth paused in the middle of ticking off fingers, his mind making connections at a blazing speed.


    ¡°And I¡¯m pretty sure Pala was trying to warn me about my brother being used by one of her contemporaries, and not in the good way.¡±


    That and the god of chaos, who knew my city would turn into shit. I feel like I¡¯m the only one that¡¯s not playing with a full deck.


    Garth pointed at the nearest shadow, a pool of darkness beneath a wheelbarrow from which Pala was probably watching him with voyeuristic glee.


    ¡°Cryptic prophecies that can only be understood after they¡¯re needed are fucking useless, Pala, and you know it!¡±


    ¡°What about your house?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m done with it, anyway,¡± Garth said, waving Kurt off. ¡° I made the thing I wanted to make, so my progress has been preserved. I¡¯ll wait until the fire dies down and build something even better.


    Ah crap, I left Origin in there. Garth¡¯s heart skipped a beat at the possibility of losing such a critical source of knowledge. That wizard¡¯s book was probably more valuable than all the summer homes Castavelle had ever had.


    Shit.


    Garth glanced up.


    Shit.


    The black fire was climbing Garth¡¯s rather tall hut, then leaping to the ceiling, where it sank into the stone, disappearing into the dungeon proper.


    ¡°Kurt, I want you to get your family and the rest of the villagers together, okay?¡± Garth said, a tiny flicker of panic surging through his heart as the entire dungeon gave a little shudder. He didn¡¯t get concerned for his safety so much anymore, but his friends getting hurt was worrisome.


    If Garth¡¯s hypothesis was correct, the flame destroyed his skin by making each individual cell experience extremely bad luck at incredible speeds, resulting in massive amounts of cancer. That same bad luck, or Woe, could spread through the dungeon and try to kill him another way.


    The floor bucked out from beneath him, throwing him and Kurt into the air for an instant before they came back down to the ground.


    Yeah, like that.


    ¡°Kurt, Get everyone you can to the center of the village!¡± Garth shouted, holding his hand up.


    A pillar of ultra-strong wood leapt out of Garth¡¯s hand before securing itself to the floor, stabilizing the ceiling.


    ¡°Get everyone here!¡± He shouted. ¡°I¡¯ll get the Hunters!¡± the hunters included Alicia.


    The Dungeon was dying, and they were inside of it. Like parasitic worms in a decaying corpse, their time was limited.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 205: U.S.S Fertility

    Garth  skimmed across the surface of the dungeon floor, not even bothering to move his legs, carried along by a column of mana as he shot down the tunnel. He snatched one of the ornate helmets for his brainmeats on the way out, settling it as he ripped through the air.


    Hunters went down the southwest tunnel this morning, about six hours ago, so they should already have been on their way home.


    After fifteen seconds of cruising down the halls at over a hundred miles per hour, Garth came to a halt in front of the panicked hunters, Alicia out in front. The wind following him sent a blast of small debris across them and sent several hide skirt flipping up.


    Did they know I could fly? Garth thought to himself as the orc/corio hunters gawked at him. Whatever.


    ¡°If you could run like hell back to the village in an orderly fashion, that would be greaaat.¡± Garth motioned with his hand, and sent a pulse of nature mana down the tunnel, growing a thick ivory-colored coating of reinforcement all the way back to their little village. Hopefully with that, the tunnel wouldn¡¯t collapse on them.


    ¡°You,¡± He said, singling out Alicia as the others rushed past him. ¡°You¡¯re coming with me. hop to.¡±


    Garth began flying forward, checking behind him to see if she was following. Indeed. She was much better in the air since becoming the Apostle of Gorn. He could make out her curves over her shoulder as she flew behind him. Mmm.


    Banging while flying? A giant boulder dislodged itself from the ceiling and dropped directly in front of him, forcing him to swerve around, navigating the tiny remaining space. Put a pin in it.


    ¡°What are those?¡± Alicia asked over the rush of wind.


    ¡°Huh?¡± When Garth glanced back at her, she was pointing at Halo.


    ¡°Its my most recent artifact. I¡¯d put it above the Genocide blade, actually, on sheer utility. And I made it myself. Halo, meet Alicia, Alicia, meet Halo.¡±


    Halo bobbed in midair as it followed him like a leaf in the wind, glowing slightly red and forming a heart.


    ¡°Haha, it¡¯s got jokes,¡± Garth said. ¡°And only fifteen minutes old. New record ¨C Oshit!¡±


    Garth looked back forward and swerved out of the way as he nearly splattered on a sharp turn in the tunnel ahead of him.


    ¡°What¡¯s happening, and where are we going?¡± Alicia asked, flowing around the corner with arguably more grace. It might not be long before she was better than him in the air.


    ¡°Apostle problems, and we¡¯re going to the Core!¡± Garth shouted back at her as they swerved around stone outcroppings and over fallen debris. The entire dungeon was falling apart at the seams.


    Garth got a high-speed head start going toward the identity loss room, aiming for the opposite side.


    The man was flying through the air, he didn¡¯t know why he was flying through the air, or why he considered himself a man.


    Wait, who am I?


    Garth hit the floor on the other side, tumbling end over end for an instant before he remembered who he was and where he was going. He kicked the fly spell back into high gear and picked himself up.


    He glanced behind him and Alicia didn¡¯t give much more than a wobble before joining him on the other side. Her helmet was older than his.


    Cheap helmets made in Junen, Garth thought, tapping the noggin protective gear that half-worked at best.


    Improve the mind-protection of the hat, Halo.


    Halo began to spin around his head like its name-sake.


    The next room they went through, the helmet worked a lot better, preventing their thoughts from manifesting as strange eldritch creatures ¨C waitaminute ¨C Garth swooped up and snapped a strange blue crystal that looked like bubbles growing out of each other off the ceiling.


    ¡°Hold onto this and try not to think of anything!¡± Garth said, tossing the crystal over his shoulder as they flew.


    They took a hard left turn and blasted through a wall of debris that had recently cut off the Core room. a few hundred meters further, Garth came to a halt at the deepest point of the reality-warping dungeon.


    The indestructability Law of the room must have failed somehow. The giant rat-lion Boss of the dungeon was a bubbling mass of black goop, and the sphere was slowly turning dull grey and flaking away under an onslaught of black flames.


    The core was letting out a kind of mental and physical shriek that resounded in his ears and gave him a headache as it slowly dissolved. Whatever this core was, it was special. Maybe even alive.


    Not on my watch, buddy.


    Garth held his hand out and used Beladia¡¯s mana to wash away the corruption. The Core was pitted and damaged, suspended in the center of the room on a dwindling flow of mana.


    Halo, resuscitate, and reprogram. This dungeon was my servant, always was, really.


    Garth¡¯s Marriage Rekindler.


    Garth used his slapdash homebrew spell to quickly trawl through his own mind and eliminate any hostility toward the Core, highlighting memories and emotions related to when he had profited off the dungeon. Then he created a false narrative in his mind that the dungeon was his to command and always had been.


    Halo began to spin around the core, imprinting and reinforcing Garth¡¯s Purpose for it in a matter of seconds. It tore space, allowing more than one side of the individual gems to face the core at once, raising the already impressive speed of the Practice Effect from staggering to astronomical.


    Oh yeah, and the dungeon¡¯s core is totally immune to Woe channeled from Markus, the god of Woe.


    The Dungeon¡¯s core went from a dull, pitted core with an anemic spin in the center of the column of mana, to a healthy gold, smooth, and bobbing with vigor.


    The black fire was being forced back by the wave of purple mana, followed by an invisible wall that radiated outward from the core, only noticeable via the black flames lapping against it. once the core took control of the situation, Garth held out his hand.


    ¡°Gem please.¡±


    Alicia handed him the vaguely cauliflower shaped stone, and Garth snapped it in half over his knee, creating two halves. Garth took the bigger one in his right hand and stared at it.


    Halo, if you would.


    The gemstone in his hand turned into a spike even as Garth jammed it down into the Core with a grunt. The two stones incorporated into each other instantly, with Halo acting as the ultimate catalyst, allowing the spike to enter the top of the basketball sized orb without a wisp of resistance.


    The gemstone spike went all the way to the center of the core, then Garth laid his hand on it.


    Garth uncorked his connection to Beladia, mentally removing every safety feature, everything meant to keep his mind and body safe. Until now he¡¯d been using a squirt gun, now he was using a firehose.


    Thankfully the goddess of fertility¡¯s mana didn¡¯t have a particularly harsh aftertaste. Had Alicia done the same thing, she¡¯d probably have become a crispy bug on a zapper, but an overflow of Beladia¡¯s mana felt like¡­


    The easiest way to describe it was experiencing every biological function at once while high on acid. Not exactly pleasant to Garth¡¯s many orifices, but tolerable.


    Garth let out a scream as Beladia shot down his arm, into the gemstone and out into the Core, Halo making adjustments at the speed of light all the while to make this work rather than shatter everything into a million pieces and detonate half the planet.


    ¡°EEK!¡±


    A brown skinned Beladia lookalike let out an alarmed squeak as she fell naked from the air, her generous bottom landing on the stone floor with a slap.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± she asked, sitting up.


    ¡°Sorry for the brevity, but can you purge all the black fire that¡¯s spreading everywhere?¡±


    ¡°Huh? Oh?¡± she frowned, looking at the black fire spreading from. ¡°Sure.¡±


    With a wave of her hand, the black fire was banished, dying where it stood, destroyed by precise jets of Beladia Mana from the very walls.


    Muahahahah! Garth had to struggle to hold in his amusement.


    ¡°Make a viewscreen and get the more deadly rooms situated in places people won¡¯t go.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± Beladia said, before cocking her head and glancing at Garth. ¡°Why am I a dungeon right now, Garth?¡±


    ¡°Ehh,¡± Garth said, glancing over at the perfect sphere with a sliver of blue crystal merged with it¡¯s top.


    ¡°Reasons?¡± He glanced over at Alicia, who was staring at the eight-foot tall goddess with wide eyes. He glanced down at her stomach and sighed in relief as he brushed moss and mushrooms off his skin and hair.


    He was half afraid that he¡¯d get an immaculate conception over there. It wasn¡¯t off the table where his goddess was involved.


    ¡°I found a stone that makes avatars and figured you might like having another place of power, and if the inhabitants were going to worship the core as a god anyway, that might as well be directed toward you.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t feel the rest of myself.¡±


    Halo, can you fix that?


    Halo spun around the core, and it¡¯s shade changed to brown.


    ¡°Oh, there it is,¡± she said, her eyes flashing purple for an instant. She ran a hand through her green hair and leaves emerged from behind her to cover her breasts.


    Aww.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t had this much power in the mortal realm in ages,¡± She said, looking at her fingers in fascination. She glanced up.


    ¡°This place, it¡¯s completely under my control.¡±


    ¡°True.¡± Garth admitted, nodding his head.


    ¡°Let this be an extension of my divine realm, an example of my eternal reward made flesh.¡±


    Her words shook the floor, and the ceiling flew away, expanding outward faster than an arrow. The tunnels widened as if eroded by millions of years in seconds, until the entire dungeon had become hollow, all the narrow restrictions a thing of the past.


    Garth could even see the village a few miles distant. Its man-made sun rose up and became a real-looking sun as plants sprung up everywhere inside the newly created mega-dome.


    ¡°Cool, Cool, you¡¯re missing one thing though.¡± Garth said, nodding as he surveyed what she¡¯d done with the place. A perfect little utopia of nature and plenty. Exactly what he was hoping for when he¡¯d established a connection to Beladia with the core. A permanent connection to a good natured deity was the perfect way to make sure that the core never turned evil.


    ¡°What is that?¡±


    ¡°The dungeon does whatever you say, and you do whatever I say.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± She asked, confused.


    Garth adopted his pirate voice as Halo began to multiply itself, filling the very air with Practice Stones, ¡°Batten down the hatches, stow the rum, grease up the wenches, untie the mooring and get this ship ready to sail¡­Yaarrrr!¡±


    ¡°Aye Aye!¡± the Beladia-connected avatar of the dungeon ¨C designed to obey him ¨C  saluted as the dungeon began to rumble around them.


    Behind him a big purple and yellow flower emerged from the ground and spurted clear lubricant all over Alicia, the sheer force knocking her off of her feet.


    Whoops. That part was a joke.


    ***


    Dragus was sitting in front of Castavelle, reading the history of the archmage¡¯s failures to demoralize him when Teranda¡¯s meek knock came on Dragus¡¯s door, transmitted all the way down into his sanctum.


    ¡°I can wait, if you¡¯re busy.¡± Castavelle said, still sawing at the divine arrow penetrating his very soul.


    Dargus¡¯ eyes narrowed. He had specifically asked not to be disturbed. He set the book down and left the room, dismissing the lights with a thought before heading up to his room.


    The stairs to his trophy room disappeared as he entered his meditation chamber, shunted away to another dimension and replaced with solid stone. No evidence of his ilicit storehouse remaining.


    ¡°Come in,¡± he said, suppressing his ire. He knew she didn¡¯t particularly relish interrupting him, so it must be something important.


    For her.


    If it turned out not to be something important for him too, he would have to teach her the difference.


    ¡°You¡¯re two weeks early. This better be important.¡±


    Teranda practically withered under his stair. ¡°Yes, umm¡­ It¡¯s about Terrafell.¡±


    ¡°Did the apprentice escape, then? That¡¯s not worth my time. I already told you what I want done with him.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not so much about Castavelle¡¯s apprentice as it is about Terrafell dungeon itself.¡±


    ¡°Speak.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s gone.¡±


    ¡°Gone? This second-tier apprentice destroyed it? Do you expect me to believe that?¡±


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t destroyed. It separated itself from the planet and¡­flew away.¡±


    Dragus could swear he heard Castavelle¡¯s laughter echoing in his mind.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 206: Beam me, Scotty

    Captain¡¯s log:


    Space: The third-to-final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Fertility. It¡¯s continuing mission, to explore passion, and boldly go to exotic ports of call, making sexy peace with the native populations.


    Stardate¡­Wednesday.


    The Fertility made an emergency departure in the wake of an unexpected attack by forces allied with a less-than sexy deity, and many of its systems were half-finished at best, leading to several close calls. Thankfully, with Halo assisting the streamlining of the vessel, and Beladia consecrating the space as her own, we were able to escape the notice of whatever thing tried to stop us from fulfilling our mission of spreading genes all over the galaxy.


    Or perhaps it¡¯s just waiting for its chance to strike.


    The last two weeks since we took off have been a rush from one emergency to another, fixing hairline leaks in our walls threatening to suffocate us, structural problems that nearly snapped the ship/dungeon/Temple of Beladia in half, a lack of gravity, boiling from the heat of the sun, freezing from the cold of space, etc, etc.


    Turns out space is hard. Who knew?


    Without Halo we would most certainly be dead. He¡­she..it¡­ Does Halo identify as a gender? It¡¯s obviously intelligent enough to have a sense of self-identity. Whatever, I¡¯ll find out later. It has been a godsend.


    Now that things have calmed down somewhat, the ship is gradually growing an airlock under Halo¡¯s supervision so that we can begin to do work on the outside, shielding and magical wards. We¡¯ll need pressurized space-suits and oxygen supplies for the work. I¡¯m thinking some kind of moss? We may need to run safety tests.


    Turns out that FTL travel is kind of a high bar. I¡¯ve got some Space-folding Laws redirected toward the bow, but it only brings us to one-sixteenth light-speed, sadly. Getting anywhere in this universe will take a while.


    Which leads back to the bigger problem. We¡¯re stuck in one universe, and we want to be in another, so we¡¯re directing the U.S.S fertility toward a distant asteroid field, where we can mine the supplies we¡¯ll need to create a Gate. As it stands, there simply isn¡¯t enough spare material to build a Gate without damaging the structural integrity of the Fertility.


    The asteroid field is still about two weeks away, even going eleven thousand six hundred and twenty five miles¡­per second.


    Freaking astronomical distances.


    Morale is high. Beladia is good for that in more ways than one, and I suspect the ship¡¯s avatar may be embroiled in a strange romantic entanglement with about half of the population, or the entire adult demographic. I chose a good diety to chaperone the core¡¯s behavior, not a celibate one, apparently. Seems like everyone¡¯s cool with it, though.


    I¡¯m just worried about the ship getting pregnant, like in Farscape. We need to keep her away from any other handsome spaceships in case that¡¯s a thing¡­ Then again, it¡¯s unlikely that other ships would be alive enough to be receptive to her advances.


    The natives have never had quite such a wide-open space to frolic around in, Or quite this variety of food, and have taken to worshiping Beladia as a goddess¡­which she is, so Everything¡¯s kosher.


    They didn¡¯t, however, understand the concept that their home had separated from the planet it was on and was now hurtling through space at unimaginable speeds, and in some places there were only a few feet of rock between them and sudden decompression.


    For the most part, they shrugged and kept living their lives, which had gotten substantially better.


    The life-threatening Laws couldn¡¯t be entirely deactivated, so Beladia shrunk the rooms and gradually relocated them to the bilge, around the same time that she grew a ship-wide Gravity Law that kept everyone¡¯s feet on the floor, with the exception of a grown-up jungle gym with zero gravity at my suggestion¡­I mean come on, it¡¯s zero gravity, who wouldn¡¯t?


    I can fly, but floating is something else entirely.


    In these next two weeks, we¡¯ll focus on important safety features, from most important to least, including internal force-fields to prevent air from escaping in sudden decompression, and external ones to ward off space debris from shooting straight through us. We are going pretty fast, after all. Additionally, this will include a comprehensive shaping and reinforcement of the exterior hull, which presumably still looks like a fucked-up mountain range.


    We won¡¯t know what it looks like out there until we do our space-walk.


    Still, this won¡¯t occupy more than a few day of my time, and so my thoughts turn towards our final destination. I could steer the ship towards Earth, but I wouldn¡¯t really have much more of an advantage than I did before¡­aside from a spaceship the size of a mountain range, and an industrious little swarm of reality-altering stones. Aside from those.


    No, I need to take my game to the next level, so if some A-hole walks through all my tricks, they can¡¯t just wipe the floor with me.


    I need to get to the next tier.


    Origin is fine, btw: I¡¯m writing in him right now. Apparently he¡¯s tougher than he looks.


    Misfortune slides off me like water from a duck¡¯s back.


    Noted.


    Idea: Shrinking Law to further leverage the already spectacular interior space of Fertility. I¡¯ll bring it up with Bel. I should be careful not to make it so big in here that different factions eventually go to war with each other, but I don¡¯t think Bell would allow it.


    Bel has recreated the invulnerability Law to protect the Core. It was mutated to uselessness by the black flames, but she was able to reinstitute it.


    Once the high priority safety features have been taken care of, I¡¯d like to focus on creating a practice arena of a few square miles with a similar Invulnerability Law, allowing me to train her in the harsh manner of Castavelle without risking damage to either of us, or the delicate bubble we¡¯re ride in.


    Alicia seems like she¡¯s spoiling for stress relief after the last two weeks of near-death experiences¡­and rough sex only seems to do so much. She seems eager to punch someone, and just the other day threatened to kill me if I sang ¡®love boat¡¯ one more time, which was totally irrational. It¡¯s thematic.


    -Garth Daniels, Captain of the Fertility, signing off.


    ***1 Week later***


    ¡°Bum¡­bum¡­BANAAAA!¡± Garth hummed the iconic notes from 2001: A Space Odyssey as he performed the universe¡¯s first space walk¡­probably.


    ¡°How¡¯s the airlock?¡± Garth asked, speaking into the microphone just below his mouth. He was in a puffy suit mostly composed of various plant fibers, slowly floating out into the void, his stomach roiling at the sensation of constantly falling.


    ¡°It¡¯s holding just fine, no leaks, and Bel says she doesn¡¯t feel anything wrong.¡± Alicia¡¯s tinny voice came through the speakers, also in front of his face. The speaker had been created out of  two pieces of wire enchanted to mimic each other regardless of distance. Tada, instant communications.


    Crappy communications with only one bandwidth, but communications nonetheless. Garth tried to turn himself and take a look at the ship behind him, but of course, he didn¡¯t have anything to push off of.


    Silly me.


    Fly.


    The spell did nothing.


    That¡¯s new.


    Garth consciously reached out for the mana, but found himself drawing a blank. He focused his attention on the mana around him, and was astonished to discover that most of the mana he¡¯d grown accustomed to manipulating was totally absent.


    Nothing but Space, Light and Time Mana everywhere he looked, and not particularly thick, either. This led Garth to hypothesize that most mana happened planetside.


    Actually, why haven¡¯t I noticed a decrease in mana availability over the last several weeks? And will my safety feature even work?


    The safety feature was a short range teleport built into his suit that was paired with a pad just inside the airlock. Worst case scenario, he should be able to ditch the suit and go back to the ship.


    The enchantment worked based on space mana, and there was space mana available, so¡­maybe?


    Garth compressed some space mana into a plane of Force, then grabbed it and turned himself to get a look at the ship.


    All he saw was a massive, jagged wall of stone that stretched to the horizon in every direction.


    Almost forgot how big this thing is. Baby needs some detail work, bad.


    And off to his right, he saw the center of the solar system, whatever passed for uv rays these days piercing directly into his eyeballs, causing damage slightly slower than his natural regeneration could fix them.


    So, I need a space go-cart that runs off Space mana, and a better layer of eye protection on my windshield.


    Garth summoned another plane of force in front of him and pushed away, getting some distance between himself and the ship.


    He could make out trace amounts of mana coming off of the ship itself, wafting outward like water vapor. Is that something I need to be concerned about? Are we slowly losing mana? Running out would be a slowly starve or freeze to death kind of proposition.


    It seemed like the ship itself had done a pretty good job of carrying mana along with it, but Garth wasn¡¯t sure if that was because it had brought life with it, a critical number of sapient beings, simply enough mass, or Beladia¡¯s presence cause the enormous ship to qualify as a planet.


    Who knew?


    Science! This was about as excited as Garth had gotten in a while¡­at least until he cleared the side of the ship and actually got a good look at it.


    Once he was a couple miles away from the airlock, he began to see the ship in it¡¯s entirety. It was a bit like the ancient Chinese myth of the turtle with the world on its back.


    The ship was a massive dome shape, with cracked mountains covering the outside, arranged almost like the spikey segments of a battle-tortoise.


    Aw, man, I should have named it Battle-tortoise.


    Too late for regrets now.


    The previously snow-covered peaks had long since sublimated, leaving nothing but bare rock and a bit of dirt. The trees didn¡¯t look so good and¡­Is that a cabin? Garth sucked a breath through his teeth.


    Ouch, talk about a bad day. I hope it was abandoned¡­or inhabited by Hitler.


    ¡°What is it? are we leaking or something?¡± Alicia¡¯s voice came through the speaker.


    ¡°Cabin on one of the mountains.¡±


    ¡°oh.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, hopefully it was empty. Can you send out Halo?¡±


    ¡°Sure, I ¨C oh, it already went through the airlock.¡±


    In the distance, Garth saw Halo¡¯s glittering form come out into the vacuum of space, the twenty-five individual rocks stopped dead once it hit the mana-vacuum, slowly drifting apart. Garth was thinking he might have to collect Halo and put it back inside when the rocks seemed to shake off their torpor and slowly come back together, arranging themselves for self-improvement.


    After a couple seconds of that, it reoriented of Garth and came out to him, skimming across the distance in a matter of seconds. It seemed like it was able to move just fine after a little time to adapt to using a different kind of propulsion.


    I¡¯m so proud.


    How you doing? Can you still hear me? Garth thought.


    Halo changed into a green P symbol.


    Alright, let¡¯s go over what we want. How much of the exterior of the ship do you think you can Practice at once with your Space tearing trick?


    Halo changed into the shape of a ship and lit up a tiny slice of the bow with green, while the rest was red.


    Not a lot, huh? so I imagine it¡¯d take a few days of sweeping around the exterior. Alright, Alicia and I are going to try designing some transportation. In the meantime, I want you to improve the mana, temperature, and radiation insulation of the outer hull so that we¡¯re not leaking so much mana into the void. If that turns out to be a bad thing, we can always vent it. I¡¯d rather have control over that than just leaving it alone.


    Halo bobbed an affirmative and turned away.


    Oh, and we¡¯re going to be terraforming and enchanting the outer hull as well, once we¡¯ve got transportation, so don¡¯t make it too deep, and send a stone to check in every now and then.


    Halo bobbed again, then spread out into a wide net, duplicates springing into being to fill the gaps. They weren¡¯t actually duplicates though, it was just the artifact tearing space so that each face of it¡¯s gemstones was equally applied to a side, rather than letting them face away.


    Each trapezohedron had twenty sides, and that times twenty five, only gave five-hundred usable sides, which was paltry compared to the size of the ship.


    But, under the resonance of Halo, the tiny section of rock that it could effect was rapidly changing color from dull rock, to something metallic.


    It¡¯s like filling in a canvas a pixel at a time. This is gonna take a while. At least Halo didn¡¯t get bored or distracted by boobs or the need to eat. That would bring down the ETA drastically.


    Garth put a plane of force behind him and pushed off of it, aiming for the airlock.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 207: Deep-space Mining for Dummies

    ¡°Holy shit. Ooooh, my god..¡± Garth groaned, throwing his head back.


    ¡°Garth!¡± Bel shouted as she barged into his room.


    Garth yelped and drew the covers over himself with a howl, causing Bel to halt in the doorway, frowning at him.


    ¡°Yes?¡± he fixed her with an accusing glare designed to stop the deity¡¯s avatar in place and hopefully prevent her from asking any questions. At all.


    ¡°We¡­ matched speed with the asteroid. We can go mine it now.¡± Bel¡¯s eyes wandered down his lumpy covers in confusion.


    ¡°Wonderful! I¡¯ll meet you at the airlock in about¡­fifteen minutes. If I don¡¯t finish my morning cultivation, I tend to get a little cranky.¡± Garth gave his best innocent grin.


    ¡°Okay!¡± she said cheerfully, turning and leaving, closing the door behind her.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think she would have cared.¡± Alicia¡¯s voice emanated from beneath his covers.


    ¡°Quiet, you,¡± Garth said, telekinetically spanking her hams.


    ****


    ¡°All right, this will be your first space walk,¡± Garth said as he and Alicia climbed into their suits. Do me a favor and try not to get PTSD and/or obsessed with it like Natalie Portman, aright?¡±


    ¡°I feel like commenting on how rarely you make sense would only encourage it.¡± Alicia said as she put one foot after the other into her suit. She was wearing a tight black undersuit designed to provide a final layer of protection against extreme pressures and slight decompression.


    It was also designed to look fabulous, and Garth snuck a few peeks at her rounded bottom the couple seconds he had before she drew the suit up over her waist.


    Once the show was over, he got back to work sliding into his own.


    They checked each other¡¯s seals good, and walked into the airlock. They¡¯d had an entire week of deceleration and another week of adjusting to the asteroid field¡¯s speed to allow them to get Alicia ready to handle zero G.


    Which included a lot of trips into the vomitorium. That¡¯s what Garth called the adult jungle gym with no gravity, as it was best first introduced to people on an empty stomach, as they found out the hard way.


    The training mostly covered safety and handling Space Mana to navigate by hand or patch a hole in one¡¯s suit. Alicia was a lot¡­squishier than he was, in most respects, and he didn¡¯t want her to die out in the middle of nowhere if he could help it.


    I wonder how a body with four times human toughness would fare in the vacuum of space. At a certain point we just gotta be like tardigrades, right? Something to try out on prisoners of war.


    Does the Inner Spheres have the Geneva Conventions? Nah, probably not. They¡¯re assholes.


    He could have had her stay inside, but what kind of monster would force a girl to stay inside the entire time you¡¯re in space? Almost nobody gets the chance to space-walk, and denying that to someone is the lowest of crimes. The absolute lowest.


    That and he had use for Alicia¡¯s talents.


    Garth flipped the switch and the fertility¡¯s heavy stone door slid behind them. Garth spotted a bit of the sealing goop oozing from the door as it swung past. It was leaked out by the biology of the ship itself, which was laced with thousands of different biomes of symbiotic plants that preformed various tasks, from waste reclamation to creating a tight seal on the airlock. The ship was one part stone, two parts biological, one part mechanical, and Garth loved it.


    The massive stone slab sealed off the rest of the air behind them, then the air in the airlock was rapidly sucked out. This was the point in time where any fault in their suits would be revealed, and they would have to smash the emergency button, but neither he nor Alicia was leaking.


    At least, not from their suit.


    ¡°Alright, can you hear me?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Loud and clear.¡± Alicia said, giving him a thumb¡¯s up.


    ¡°I hear you.¡± Bel said from the command center at her core. ¡°Hey, cut it out.¡± She started giggling. ¡°Not here, I¡¯m busy.¡±


    Garth and Alicia shared a glance. He should probably establish some kind of radio discipline and fraternization laws. Business hours were for business.


    ¡°Bel, unless you can make multiple bodies, I want you to kick out whoever is trying to get you to grab their junk. We want you to be focused¡­ so we don¡¯t get left to die in the vacuum of space while you¡¯re fooling around.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a great idea!¡± Bel¡¯s voice came through the microphone. A moment later, her voice came back. ¡°Done! This bridge is now for business-y stuff only sir! I hung a sign and everything.¡±


    Garth could practically see her jiggling salute, full serious face on.


    ¡°Excellent.¡±


    ¡°Is it just me or is your goddess¡­¡±


    Garth made a quick cutting motion in front of his neck and Alicia¡¯s words trailed off. Bel was a tough cookie, but not a smart one, and calling her out on it didn¡¯t really do anything but hurt her feelings.


    ¡°Alright, we¡¯re heading out.¡± Garth said, pulling the man-sized lever that released the outer door. The organic sealant cracked and shattered off as they exposed it to space, leaving the groove in the stone door ready to be refilled when they came back inside.


    Together they pushed off the airlock door and out into nothingness.


    They checked to make triple sure that no one was leaking, and then tested Alicia¡¯s powers.


    ¡°It feels weird, but I can do it. It¡¯s less like there¡¯s wind moving me than there is a small explosion behind me as the air expands.¡± Alicia began flitting about in space with substantially more grace than him, channeling her deity¡¯s mana to create wind behind her to push her along, mixed with Space mana to stop on a dime.


    That would be useful.


    ¡°Alright. The asteroid we stopped next to is the furthest afield,¡± Garth said, pointing toward the distant hunk of rock. ¡°So hopefully, as long as our sensors were correct, there won¡¯t be any others within spitting distance. We¡¯re not interested in exciting chases through asteroid fields, or nearly getting eaten by a giant worm.¡±


    Garth pointed his Grappling hook at the rock and pressed the forward button. This was his solution to navigating in space being a bitch. The Grappling hook was inspired by the old batman cartoons that had little guns that could carry full grown men up the side of walls at ridiculous speeds.


    The Mythbusters disproved it, but the idea had stuck in young Garth¡¯s head. What the little handle did, was create a force latticework in the direction it was pointed, just a couple inches ahead of the flat barrel of the gun, then pull itself along said latticework, as well as whatever happened to be holding onto it. As it passed the latticework, it tore it apart, diffusing the mana into the environment.


    It was more like a space zipper than a grappling hook actually, but it did what Garth wanted it to do, and that was good enough for him. Once he was moving at a comfortable speed, he glanced over at Alicia who was following beside him, staring around them in awe.


    ¡°It¡¯s like nothing I¡¯ve ever seen before.¡± She pointed at the brightest star burning in the distance. ¡°Is that where we came from?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the sun, anyway. The planet is off to the left somewhere, I think. Yeah, there it it.¡± Garth pointed at the tiny blue dot.


    ¡°By all the gods! That¡¯s the whole planet? That¡¯s everything on that entire world?¡±


    ¡°Kinda puts the scale of things into perspective, doesn¡¯t it?¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I think I¡¯m gonna throw up.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare,¡± Garth barked, peering through his clear resin helmet at the young woman who was shaking in her suit.


    She took three deep, shuddering breaths and nodded her head inside her big helmet. ¡°Okay, I think I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°Good, because we¡¯ve got a lot to do today.¡±


    A couple minutes later they arrived at the asteroid, which appeared to be standing still relative to the enormous ship. It wasn¡¯t. Both the Fertility and the asteroid were circling the star at mind-boggling speeds, but relative to each other, they were still.


    The lumpy rock gradually came into view as they got closer, fully one third the size of the Fertility, a couple miles in diameter. Here and there, Garth saw shiny metal peeking out, and he nearly rubbed his hands together in glee, but decided against it as he currently looked like the stay-puffed marshmallow man.


    All they had to do now was carefully tow this bad boy a couple thousand miles away from the danger zone of the asteroid belt, then take their time separating the iron from the less desirable metals to create a Gate.


    It would take a little time to process all that rock and generate that much core-substitute using Halo, but it wouldn¡¯t take more than¡­a couple months, maybe?


    Garth glanced up at where Halo was doing crosshatching on the fertility¡¯s exterior, a tiny point of light against the bald mountain range in the distance. To save time and energy, the little vunderkind was reinforcing the outer hull in criss-cross, with the intention of going back and filling in the blanks later. It was a third of the way done.


    Freaking astronomical numbers.


    Simple scale was what Garth was battling with now. He had a cute little tool that could make something do nearly anything¡­as long as it wasn¡¯t the size of a mountain range.


    I need to make more Halos¡­as soon as more Practice stones are grown to the right size.


    Practice stones, hell, all of the Law stones that grew out of the dungeon¡¯s chambers, were particularly finicky and slow growing. They took years to get big enough to do anything with, and trying to use a time accelerating Law messed them up. They didn¡¯t grow in all the rooms, and the rooms they did grow in, they did it sporadically, at best. The Practice stones probably grew as reliably as they did from some kind of slight positive feedback effect from their own Law.


    The Law Stones reminded Garth of vanilla. An incredibly finicky cash crop, totally worth exploiting the native population for.


    Garth turned himself in midair and landed with his feet on the asteroid, his stomach flipping as down became up and visa-versa.


    ¡°I claim this celestial body in the name of Garth Daniels, and I officially name it: The Turd.¡± That¡¯s what I was forgetting. A flag.


    ¡°You have no class,¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°What would you name it, then? It looks like a turd.¡± Garth glanced over at where the girl was landing on the giant asteroid¡¯s pockmarked surface. The dusty stone they stood on had been battered by runaway rocks presumably for several billion years, forming it into the lumpy poo shape it was today. It was destiny.


    ¡°Kenaan, after the god of plenty¡¯s ship that bears treasure from a thousand lands through the sky while people sleep.¡± Alicia said.


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    ¡°Turning the Fertility around, please start pushing the Kenaan toward it.¡± Bel said as the Fertility began to ever so slowly list to the side, spinning in place with all the speed of tree sap. It was probably rather fast at the edges, dozens of miles per hour, but once again, size was slowing everything down.


    ¡°Goddamn it.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll do no such thing.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not actually Beladia and you know it!¡± Garth shouted through the speakers, pointing at the slowly turning giant dome.


    A raspberry came through the microphone in front of his face.


    ¡°Unprofessional, is what this is,¡± Garth grumbled, enjoying the banter as he motioned for Alica to navigate to the other side of the enormous rock. They were going to push it forward, dock it with the bottom of the Fertility, and retreat from the asteroid belt before they got hit by some unaccounted for debris.


    ¡°Al, in position?¡± he asked, sitting down and watching his very own spaceship turn and glitter in the sunlight. Ultimate wet dream.


    But am I a Picard, or a Kirk? Garth thought back to Sandi. Probably a Kirk.


    ¡°Give me a minute,¡± Alicia¡¯s voice came through his helmet. ¡°The dark side of this thing is pretty lumpy, and it¡¯s several miles wide, so don¡¯t expect me to¡­what is that?¡±


    ¡°If it¡¯s a giant egg, leave it alone, those facehuggers can melt through our helmets in no time.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a pocket on this thing filled with mana. Too dark to see where it¡¯s coming from.¡±


    Garth¡¯s eyebrows shot up, and he grabbed his tethered Grappling Hook and aimed it after Alicia, navigating the rough terrain.


    After accelerating for a minute, he began to crest the lit parts of the asteroid and head into the thing¡¯s shadow.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna check it out.¡±


    ¡°Said every horror story victim ever.¡± Garth said into his microphone as he chased Alicia down. ¡°I¡¯m not saying you can¡¯t, I¡¯m just saying weigh your risks.¡±


    ¡°Got it. I pulled in closer. It looks like just another crater, filled with mana.¡±


    Crater, filled with mana? That kinda sounds like¡­


    ¡°Oh, hey check it out!¡± Alicia came into view, standing in a pit of rapidly evaporating mana, proudly holding a Mythic Core above her head, mana of every type swirling around her hand. In space.


    Mana of every kind in space.


    ¡°Emergency meeting on the Fertility.¡± Garth said through his microphone.


    ****


    ¡°And these three points on the whiteboard detail why we are in such a unique postion to profit,¡± Garth said, using his pointer to gesture toward his three main reasons. He was standing in front of the entire crew, which consisted of a couple dozen shirtless, grass-skirt wearing villagers, Bel, Halo, and Alicia. There were a couple dozen children as well, but they were off playing at the BBQ.


    ¡°Reason one. Space is difficult and expensive. It takes an inordinate amount of resources to build any kind of spaceship, let alone something long-term like ours. The sheer value of the hunk of rock we are standing in is incalculable.¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡± Bel said.


    ¡°It would not surprise me in the slightest if it were simply far more cost-effective to slap another reality onto the Spheres and harvest their planet-side cores than it would be to send people into space.¡±


    ¡°Reason number two. Space is big and alien to our psyche. We as planet-bound monkey people tend to think of everything in two dimensions, forward, back, side to side. But when you add the third dimension, everything suddenly gets real complicated for us to understand. I¡¯ll try to explain.¡±


    ¡°If there were a billion Fertilities, and we all started out into space from the planet behind us, each going a slightly different direction¡­¡± Garth met each one of their eyes in turn. ¡°By the time we got to this asteroid belt, we could each harvest Cores from it for the rest of our natural lives and never run into each other. Space is big. Even if the skies were teeming with ships, they¡¯d never make a dent in it, and there are two thousand eight hundred and fifty-nine layers, each with thousands upon thousands of planets, all of which have their cores, which would be a necessary ingredient for space travel, brutally torn away from them.¡±


    Garth was starting to think that might have been at least a small part of why planets cores were snatched up with such fervor.


    ¡°And lastly, sheer, fucking ignorance, courtesy of your alien overlords,¡± Garth said, pointing at the picture of an ape scratching his ass.


    ¡°Kurt, what is a star?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve never seen a star.¡±


    ¡°Okay, bad example. Alicia, what is a star?¡±


    ¡°A pinhole in the veil of the night,¡± she said as a matter of course.


    ¡°Boom!¡± Garth pumped a fist.


    ¡°So, at the rate of one new layer every nine hundred years for a grand total of two million, three hundred and three thousand, one hundred years¡­give or take, assuming a healthy, growing space-fleet, and accounting for their incredibly low rate of reproduction and indolence, I calculate that the elves have explored about¡­.¡±


    Garth¡¯s pointer snapped down on a tiny speck on the bottom of his whiteboard. ¡°That much space.¡±


    ¡°So what are we gonna do?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Like you said, even if we harvested them for the rest of our lives, we¡¯d never get them all, and what would be the point?


    ¡°The point is always power.¡± Garth said, clenching a fist. ¡°We¡¯re going to get the Earth back from those fuckwads, and we¡¯re going to do it in style.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s Earth?¡± Kurt¡¯s wife Jaela said, raising her free hand. Her other was cradling the ship¡¯s first space-baby while she nursed.


    Halo made a question mark in the air.


    It had slipped his mind that only he and Alicia were native Earthlings.


    Garth groaned and put his face in his hand.


    Garth Daniels


    Advanced Phyto-Human


    Apostle of Beladia & Pala


    -Strength- 45


    -Endurance- 60


    -Speed- 70


    -Intelligence- 125


    -Memory- 125


    -Senses- 125


    Blessings: Photosynthesis, Temperature resistance, Empowered Plant Magic, Pheremones, Hyper-fertility, Unscryable, Empowered Illusion Magic, Deceitful, Shadow Guidance


    Class: Journeyman Phytolich


    Skills: Mana Boost, Mana Channel, Mana Wielding, Spell Theory, Delayed Spell, Recursive Spell, Enchanting, Divine Lantern Style, Create Life, Divine Channeling


    Spells: Control Plants, Design Plant, Force Armor, Forestwalk, Create Fire, Haste, Plant Growth, Teleport, Polymorph, Fly, Shrink, Summon Nature Spirit, Force Shield, Fireball, Telekinesis, Magic Jar, Heal, Illusion, Floating Eye, Scry, Stone Shape, Wall of Stone, Create Water, Warding, Charm, Clarion Call, Operant Conditioning, Bark Skin, Fusillade, Cleanse, Greater Invisibility, Lineage Keys, Weal and Woe


    Evolutions: Mana Sight, Resilient Mind, Mind palace, Memory Lane, Plant Biology, Control Weather, Racial Advancement.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 208: Pit Stop

    Caitlyn sat there, face covered in a thin layer of dust, staring at the airfoil in front of her.  They¡¯d created models that worked perfectly well, using a thin ring of synthetic Core around the front edge that pulled wind backward, propelling the model forward, but scaling it up was becoming difficult. The amount of propulsion that worked for the model was nowhere near enough for the scaled up version, as the law of cubic space began fighting her.


    Garth had been gone six months, and Caitlyn had come to terms with the idea that he might not be coming back. Even if he was alive, he was trapped in a dungeon there was no coming back from. That information had come from Chi¡¯tet.


    So Caitlyn had buckled down and worked together with Grass and Banyan to hold everything together, keeping the city calm and growing, preparing for the inevitable. In another month, the Dan Ui clan would receive their slap on the wrist, then the restriction on their world would be lifted, and Earth would be free game, available for any clan that wanted to stake a claim on it.


    The idea that entire worlds and everyone living on them could be claimed, bought and sold like so much uninhabited land made the hair on her arms stand up.


    ¡°What do you think?¡± Banyan asked, glancing over the plane she¡¯d put together to help them fend off the Empire. Air superiority would go a long way toward maintaining their independence.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll need to use a propeller, just moving the air with an enchantment is too weak, unless I use an inordinate amount of Core,¡± Caitlyn said.


    Why am I even doing this? once the Clans return, it¡¯ll be the age of the gods all over again, and a little flying machine won¡¯t do anything to stop it.


    Caitlyn wrapped her arms around her knees. She just needed something to keep her mind occupied, rather than thinking about how quickly everything was going to go to hell, or how many of them might die one month from now.


    We¡¯ve got the Garth Aid?, our citizens are bigger, stronger, and healthier than theirs. The city is literally alive and can handle huge amounts of Mana with ease, there are trees surrounding us that shoot beams of light at enemies. We can finally make our own cores. We¡¯ll be fine.


    Keep telling yourself that.


    ¡°Caitlyn?¡±


    ¡°Hmm?¡± she said, shaking herself out of her thoughts, spotting Ixel addressing her with a clipboard.


    The senior Corio researcher looked over her hand-written notes and began to give Caitlyn the rundown.


    ¡°We achieved a new strength for synthetic cores, 2.8 Quires, roughly 40% more mana draw than before, using a technique that aligns the raw materials with a rotating field.¡±


    ¡°forty percent more,¡± Caitlyn said, doing the numbers. ¡°That¡¯s roughly equivalent to a fifty year old core.¡± A fifty year old core had a very weak mana draw in the grand scheme of things. It might improve her planes, though.


    It was remarkable that they could make enchantable core substitute, but the researchers had perhaps exaggerated their abilities in order to not be slaughtered wholesale. Caitlyn didn¡¯t blame them for it, but it was irritating.


    The synthetic core they made was weak and almost useless, definitely not military grade like white five hundred year old core, or gold mythic core. The mutation technique they claimed to have was theoretical, only applicable to cores that were above a certain power threshold, namely mythic cores.


    Which they didn¡¯t have any of.


    ¡°Keep it up,¡± Caitlyn said. If nothing else, low power core substitute could be used for civilian endeavors, assuming they could bring the astronomical cost in raw heartstone sludge down. ¡°Every little bit counts.¡±


    Caitlyn returned to her internal calculations of exactly how screwed they were. Garth made the laser forest, though, and he admits to not being the strongest wizard in the multiverse, by a long shot. Doesn¡¯t that mean that there are others out there who can wipe out everything he¡¯s done with a wave of their hand?


    Caitlyn had been introduced to the wider world of science and magic for a brief amount of time, and as quickly as he¡¯d come, Garth Daniels, fabled monster of the Age of the Gods, had vanished, leaving her with memories and a legendary living city that seemed to think she was worthy.


    Caitlyn flinched at Ixel¡¯s touch on her shoulder.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure¡­I¡¯m sure everything will be all right, Caitlyn.¡± The Corio woman said.


    My literal prisoner is trying to cheer me up. I must look terrible.


    ¡°Remind me to draft a letter absolving you of any responsibility for your actions while you were here,¡± Caitlyn said with a smile she didn¡¯t feel. just another part of being responsible.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think that would help,¡± Ixel said, tilting her horned head. ¡°But I appreciate the offer.¡±


    ¡°Anytime,¡± Caitlyn said, returning her gaze to the flying machine she was trying to build. She needed to take a break, blow off some steam and come back at the problem with fresh eyes.


    Maybe I¡¯ll take the Button for a spin tonight.


    Caitlyn had tried crafting Garth¡¯s intricate design with a hand-print through it, hoping for some kind of solution to all her problems, and wound up with a magic button that allowed its bearer to see through non-living materials.


    Caitlyn¡¯s reaction was mixed. It was disappointing to know the Earth¡¯s most feared and vilified mythological figure was basically just a giant pervert. It was also disappointing to know that she was one, too. On the other hand, it was unbelievably gratifying to spy on people at their most intimate, and Caitlyn was afraid she might have some kind of stress-induced addiction.


    Her hand drifted toward the pocket that held the enchanted disc.


    A cloud passed overhead, darkening the sky above them.


    I could walk through the minotaur side of the city tonight, there¡¯s usually something going on there worth watching. The minotaurs were very¡­primal, very large.


    The sky darkened some more, tickling the back of Caitlyn¡¯s mind.


    ¡°An eclipse?¡± Ixel said, looking up as the sky continued to darken.


    Caitlyn glanced up and spotted something perfectly round slowly drifting in front of the sun, blocking it out to create a full eclipse, revealing the sun¡¯s radiant corona.


    ¡°Is that the moon?¡± Caitlyn asked with a frown, glancing over to the side.


    The moon was still sitting near the horizon, a pale orb that nearly blended into the blue of the sky.


    ¡°That¡¯s no moon,¡± Garth said, peering into the sky beside them. ¡°That¡¯s a space station.¡±


    Ixel and Caitlyn launched themselves away from the purple man who¡¯d suddenly appeared between them, too close and too sudden for comfort.


    Caitlyn felt a half dozen things at once. Relief, amazement, happiness, but the thing that blurted out of her mouth was simple accusation.


    ¡°What the hell, Garth?¡± she demanded.


    ¡°And¡­cross that line off the bucket list,¡± The ancient sorcerer said, making a note in a brown notebook manifesting itself in his hand before he snapped it shut with one hand, causing it to vanish.


    ¡°Oh good, you¡¯re both here,¡± he said, his gaze taking in the both of them as he looked up.


    ¡°Caitlyn, I need you to make some guns, really big guns. You finish your P90?¡±


    ¡°¡­yes.¡±


    ¡°And Ixel, was it?¡±


    ¡°yes.¡±


    ¡°I need your team¡¯s core mutating expertise. You weren¡¯t lying about that, were you?¡±


    ¡°We¡­¡± Ixel hesitated in front of the man who¡¯d killed so many of her co-workers.


    ¡°We haven¡¯t been able to make a Core alive enough to mutate. It would have to be on par with a mythic core to be able to apply the technique. I¡¯m afraid it¡¯s theoretical until our Synthetic core production advances significantly.¡±


    She winced, expecting some kind of retribution.


    ¡°That¡¯s not a problem,¡± Garth said with a grin. ¡°Now tell all your teammates to pack their bags and get ready for a change of scenery. I¡¯m just swinging by for a quick pit-stop to pick up a few things I left here before the Dan Ui get on my case.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± Ixel said, nodding.


    ¡°And tell them to get somewhere nice and open, ¡®cuz chances are it¡¯ll be a bumpy ride.¡±


    ¡°o..kay.¡±


    ****later***


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t be afraid of heights,¡± Garth said, arms crossed as he eyed Caitlyn. The slim redhead was clutching his leg and hyperventilating. ¡°You can fly. I taught you how to fly.¡±


    ¡°This is different!¡± Caitlyn shouted, pointing at the puffy white clouds far below L.A. as the Fertility raised the city into space.


    Garth couldn¡¯t exactly leave his Phylactery alone on earth, and he figured he might as well take his city with him too.


    There was a massive patch of bare bedrock beneath them where the Fertility had sheared the city away from the ground, wrapped it in a bubble of force and begun lifting it into the air.


    The general consensus among the population run the gamut between tightly controlled fear and sheer panic. Garth chuckled as he spotted a minotaur rocking back and forth, hugging himself while a woman in a settler bonnet pet his head, trying to keep him calm.


    I AM VERY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS! Grass shouted into his mind.


    I wonder if Grass and Ninja Lawnmowing Rock will get along¡­probably.


    Garth glanced up at the blinding amount of mana that was being harnessed by the Fertility to physically lift the city into the air, creating enormous chains of force, so dense they could be seen without Mana Sight, hauling the city up link by link like a construction crane.


    It was a demonstration of sheer unbridled power that would hopefully give the Dan Ui pause.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I tested it with bigger chunks of land, on planets with higher gravity than this one,¡± Garth said loudly so everyone could hear him, tapping the forcefield at the edge of the city. ¡°We¡¯re totally safe.¡±


    Garth glanced around for the thing that would inevitably prove him wrong.


    Failing to find it, he shrugged.


    ¡°Did you know that if we fell from this height, it would wipe out the human race along with life on Earth?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Pretty cool, right?¡±


    Caitlyn¡¯s grip tightened, and the minotaur rocked harder.


    ¡°I¡¯m unappreciated in my time.¡±


    Garth was half-expecting some kind of Dan-Ui ambush, but he managed to hoist the city up into the Fertility¡¯s belly and take off before they could respond.


    That didn¡¯t mean there wasn¡¯t any kind of response, but it was limited to a swarm of some thirty or forty robe-wearing mercenary assassins trying and failing to break through the force bubble, watching with comic irritation as the city was raised above the breathable level.


    Maybe they didn¡¯t expect him to steal his city.


    Once the massive airlock closed around them, the bubble popped, and Garth felt a momentary pain in his ear as the pressure equalized with the ship.


    ¡°Welcome to the U.S.S. Fertility!¡± Garth said, motioning to the ship around them. ¡°If your house is still intact, feel free to move back in! if your home was damaged by the transition, Speak to Bel for housing assistance.¡±


    They were standing in an enormous dome, their feet solidly held to the floor by the ship¡¯s laws as it began winding up it¡¯s Gate.


    To double the total usable area of the ship, Garth had converted it into a full-on sphere, with each dome receiving opposite night and day, sandwiched against each other.


    They hadn¡¯t felt it, but once the gigantic dome airlock had closed around them, all of L.A. had flipped upside down, and now the other side of the ship was under their feet.


    A hundred feet of reinforced stone lay between them and the other side of the sphere, where the dungeon native currently lived, opposite them.


    With a bit of work, Garth would poke holes between the two to allow travel between the two lands sandwiched against each other, which would be necessary in the future.


    ¡°Are we still alive?¡± Caitlyn asked, her eyes wide in the darkness, not even bothering to admire the faux stars on the faux night sky above her.


    ¡°You¡¯re alive.¡± Alicia said, flying down from above with her arms crossed, surrounded by a tightly controlled whorl of her deity¡¯s magic. It was rather impressive, really.


    her eyes narrowed as she looked at where Caitlyn was grabbing his leg. ¡°Although for how much longer, who can say.¡±


    Oh right, I forgot about that.


    A flower grew out of the floor and squirted Alicia in the face with water, causing her to sputter and land awkwardly on the ground.


    ¡°Bad apprentice, no being catty.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 209: Intergalactic, Planetary

    ¡°And if you¡¯ll look to your left, you¡¯ll see the Mythic core bin, where the priceless unsprouted dungeon cores are collected as they keep tumbling in through our Receiving Portal.


    Garth pointed to a big dumpster looking thing where Cores were rolling in at the rate of about one every hour or two. The bottom of the massive dumpster was filled with cores.


    Garth took a page from his own book and used the first three Mythic Cores they managed to find in the asteroid belt to make space-worthy Von Neumann probes. 1 whole, one powdered, to create the first one, and one to create a receiver.


    Garth liked to call them Stanleys.


    Stanleys took the form of jellyfish looking creatures, with a tough, clear outer membrane that puffed out in response to the vacuum of space. Inside was a microcosm of life, like a closed terrarium, that supported all the functions necessary to keep the creature alive. The membrane let light through, allowing the inner plant to flourish.


    Dangling below it were root-tentacles for grabbing Mythic cores and holding onto space-rock, bringing it up to the creature¡¯s bottom, where it would either be teleported or slowly absorbed into the microcosm to fuel further growth.


    Once the Stanley¡¯s life cycle was over and it had enough raw material, it would grow thousands of babies inside itself, where it was warm and protected from space, before exploding violently, scattering aforementioned babies all throughout the asteroid belt.


    Unfortunately Stanleys weren¡¯t capable of interstellar flight. Matter of fact, they¡¯d only harvested the tiniest amount of the asteroid belt itself.


    Garth didn¡¯t really design much of an ability to defend themselves either, as simply existing in space without dying and advanced teleportation abilities took everything he had. If they ever ran into more advanced probes, they would die, but that didn¡¯t bother Garth too much.


    Because the creatures were mindless, harmless, and couldn¡¯t exist planet-side, he had felt more comfortable installing a magical backdoor that allowed him to control them.


    The very next Mythic core went to adding that backdoor to his new Status band, allowing him to direct the Stanleys to go where they needed to be rather than spreading randomly while there were still only a couple hundred of them. There was one other ability, the ability to teleport the asteroid they were clinging onto to a location of Garth¡¯s choosing, from any distance, and across realities, in exchange for their lives. Garth was going to build some planets.


    It was well within the realm of possibility for them all to die out without finding another asteroid to breed on, so Garth made sure they were spread out real good, to give them a fighting chance.


    Clunk.


    As Garth was showing Caitlyn and the eggheads around, a Mythic Core dropped through the receptacle with all the pomp and ceremony of a soda coming out of a vending machine, dropping into the massive bin.


    Halo swooped down out of nowhere, clutching a burlap sack with four stones while six more formed a tight grip around a trowel. It came down and started filling the sack with Mythic Core.


    ¡°What is that?¡± Caitlyn.


    Several of the free stones of Halo turned to face them¡­sort of.


    ¡°Halo, this is Caitlyn, Caitlyn, this is Halo.¡±


    Caitlyn waved and Halo bobbed acknowledgement, before returning to its duty.


    ¡°Halo¡¯s our resident improvement specialist. Mark your name in its time sheet, and it¡¯ll improve anything you want. You two will get to know each other well while you¡¯re designing weapons systems for the Fertility. What are you up to right now anyway, Halo?¡±


    Halo made a crude drawing of Bel with its available stones.


    ¡°It¡¯s working on the command room.¡± Garth interpreted. A moment later, the sack was full, and Halo bobbed away, with some thirty cores in its sack.


    ¡°This is impossible,¡± Ixel said quietly, leaning over the edge of the dumpster to inspect the thousands of Cores littering the bottom of the huge container.


    ¡°Not impossible, Just unlikely.¡± Garth said, peering over her shoulder.


    ¡°I need you and your team to start mutating cores. Think you can do that?¡±


    ¡°Well, with this many, yes, but the mutation is¡­difficult to control.¡±


    ¡°You mean random, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°So far, that seems to be the case,¡± The Corio scientist admitted.


    ¡°Go nuts,¡± Garth said. ¡°Mutate, identify, then label and store as many cores as you can. One of your goals is to find a way to control the change, but if you can¡¯t, then it¡¯s my responsibility to find something to do with them.¡±


    ¡°As you wish.¡± She said quietly, shaking her head. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen anything like this.¡±


    ¡°Course you haven¡¯t.¡± Garth said. ¡°Elves trained people not to look up a long time ago. Moving on!¡±


    Garth ushered them away from the cores, and showed the eggheads to their new laboratory, letting them know where Halo¡¯s time sheet was. Somehow the time sheet system worked, despite the original design being Garth¡¯s Purpose only. Halo had become more self-determining than he expected.


    Garth didn¡¯t worry about it. Matter of fact, he wouldn¡¯t worry about it. Thinking bad thoughts about Halo was the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot. Halo was awesome, ¡®nuff said.


    Garth took Caitlyn to the Command Center, where Bel¡¯s Core was surrounded by five boosting crystals made from pure Mythic Core. It was part of the reason the ship had the chops to steal large sections of land.


    ¡°So this is the communications section,¡± Garth said, pointing to a series of screens that showed so-so pictures of the goings-on around the outside of the ship.


    ¡°I know you¡¯re a fan of divination magic, so improving communications will be your second task.¡± Garth said. ¡°Your first, more immediate task is to design some really big fuckin¡¯ guns. There¡¯re ladders leading to large bays along the equator of the ship, where I¡¯ve stored a lot of the raw materials you¡¯re going to need, steel and all that. There¡¯s no workstation yet, but I put a laser cutter and a heaping helping of cores in Bay A-1, to help you get started.¡±


    Garth leaned forward and punched in the number on the simple communications array, and got a picture of a massive, empty bay, big enough to house a small town. in the corner of the gigantic room was a tiny speck, the laser cutter, sitting beside a literal mountain of different flavors of ore.


    ¡°That¡­¡± Caitlyn looked at the screen, uncomprehending. ¡°That¡¯s too big. There¡¯s no way I could build something like that in my lifetime, let alone¡­¡± She glanced down at the map of the ship.


    ¡°Let alone hundreds of them!¡± Caitlyn was shivering, seemingly overwhelmed.


    ¡°Caitlyn.¡± Garth said sternly, forcing her to look at him.


    ¡°I built this place in six months, with little more than a couple well-placed rocks and happy thoughts. You are my apprentice. You¡¯re going to build a belt of guns in three months.¡±


    She started shaking harder.


    ¡°Want a hint?¡±


    She nodded.


    ¡°Focus less on building one giant gun and more on creating something that can build giant guns in a matter of minutes. Bonus points if it can build other things too. Don¡¯t be afraid to ask around for ideas.¡±


    Maybe she would land on the idea of a 3-D printer, maybe she wouldn¡¯t, but lighting a fire under a kid¡¯s ass was a good way of encouraging them to grow.


    ¡°Understood?¡± Garth asked.


    Caitlyn nodded.


    ¡°Alright, and¡­¡± She flinched as Garth took the palm sized disk out of her vest pocket and set it on the Comms panel.


    ¡°I¡¯ll give you your little voyeur disc back when you build your first rail-gun.¡±


    ¡°You designed it,¡± she muttered.


    ¡°That was old Garth!¡± Garth said. ¡°New Garth is appalled at old Garth¡¯s lack of vision! A real voyeur disc should also be able to let you hear them and their thoughts, lower inhibitions, and implant suggestions!¡±


    Caitlyn¡¯s jaw dropped at Garth¡¯s brilliance.


    ¡°That sounds evil.¡±


    ¡°Eh,¡± Garth said, waggling his fingers. ¡°It toes the line.¡±


    Alicia entered the room, and Garth mentally readied his squirt bottle. She gave Caitlyn a reserved glance that wasn¡¯t a spray-able offence before addressing Garth.


    ¡°The Gate is spinning up. We should be ready to go in half an hour.


    ¡°Half an hour?¡± Garth whined. ¡°that¡¯s like¡­half a whole hour.¡±


    ¡°And you wish a machine that can create new gates on the spot and send a ship the size of a mountain range through multiple dimensions into completely uncharted territory with no chance of sending us into a sun or black hole, asteroid belt, meteor shower, solar flare, or any of a thousand things that could kill us¡­would do it faster than in half an hour?¡±


    ¡°Be nice, wouldn¡¯t it?¡± Garth said, grabbing the voyeur disc and taking a moment to appreciate Alicia¡¯s posture before he tucked the disc in his pocket, lack of skin contact shutting off the effect.


    ¡°Bel, could you let everyone know every five minutes, then do a countdown for the last ten seconds? I don¡¯t want anyone getting hurt like last time.¡±


    Last time, old man Beyate had bonked his head from the sudden teleportation, and Garth had realized he needed to warn everyone before he did things.


    The large brown woman gave him a salute and began speaking into the P.A. system with a mom-like tone.


    ¡°The Fertility will be relocating in thirty minutes, sweethearts.¡± Her voice echoed through the supermassive ship, reaching everyone at once.


    ¡°Carrie and Fenson, stop playing in that cave and go find your mom and help her get everything ready to go. Buchard, your shelves aren¡¯t safe, take them down before we go. No, Kinnei, you¡¯re not going to be able to finish that before we go, just set it aside.¡±


    ¡°Do you think it¡¯s weirder that the ship can see everyone at once, or that she¡¯s taken a role as all the ship¡¯s children¡¯s hot new stepmom?¡± Garth asked Idly.


    ¡°Still need to know our destination,¡± Al said, keeping him on track.


    ¡°Right.¡± Garth tugged on the dimensional string that Origin had taught him to look for and the book manifested in his hand, the spatial pocket around it unraveling.


    Garth flipped the book open.


    ¡°Where are the drugs?¡±


    They are grown on several planets, the closest, and most lightly defended, is the Dan-Ui controlled planet of Kurm, where millions of their hopeful cultivators go on pilgrimage to petition for the right to advance to the third tier. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany.


    ¡°Castavelle created you before A New Hope came out, didn¡¯t he?¡± Garth asked, raising an eyebrow.


    Time is an illusion.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s ominous.¡±


    Garth briefly considered time paradoxes before the hair on his skin stood up. Nope, let¡¯s not fall down that particular rabbit hole. The idea of predestiny gave Garth the heeby-jeebies, and it wasn¡¯t aided by the fact that Jim truly had sent him a message through time, despite all the events in between that could have derailed it.


    ¡°Anyway, can you give me the exact coordinates?¡±


    ¡­I don¡¯t want to.


    ¡°Give me the coordinates.¡±


    The page in front of him began to spill forward with dense alphanumerical script, pinning down the sphere, hemisphere, galaxy, solar system and planet with excruciating detail, because nothing less than that would get them where they needed to go.


    The numbers came to a halt, slowly shifting as their relative position did too.


    ¡°Awesome, thanks,¡± Garth tore the page out and handed it to Al. ¡°Feed this to the Gate, and we¡¯ll be on our way.¡± In his hand, Origin let out a high-pitched whine of pain.


    Al took the paper and headed off.


    Godsdamnit, that hurts!


    ¡°You can self-repair.¡± Garth said. ¡°You¡¯re fine.¡±


    It¡¯s like having your ball hairs yanked out all at once!


    ¡°Castavelle has gotten a wax before?¡± Garth asked before glancing up and noticing Caitlyn still watching him, unsure of whether or not to leave.


    ¡°Here, I¡¯ve got something that will make both of you feel better.¡± Garth said, offering Origin to Caitlyn.


    ¡°Caitlyn, meet Origin. It¡¯ll help you with the know how to get your project done.¡±


    Origin, this is Caitlyn, she¡¯ll help you feel better by holding you against her chest unconsciously because you¡¯re just a book. Plus she¡¯s a perv who¡¯ll probably use you for something morally questionable.


    Your terms are acceptable. Origin wrote in his exposed page.


    GARTH, SOMETHING ITCHES. Grass¡¯s overbearing mental voice echoed in his mind.


    ***


    Knurt Correll waited in the lobby of the Elder¡¯s palacial manor, to break the news that the Black tide Mercenary company had not only failed to secure their prey, but that aforementioned prey had escaped, along with the entire valley suspected to be it¡¯s home base.


    That was not a second tier level magic, Knurt thought, his toes bouncing his knees nervously as he waited. People whose classes were third tier and above were rare enough. One in millions managed to get that high in their lifetime, but what Knurt had just witnessed, he didn¡¯t think it would be possible even for a Seventh-tier immortal like Elder Dragus.


    Not that I¡¯ll tell him that, Knurt thought. He was going to state the facts, offer a refund and wash his hands of this mess. Mercenaries had to know when to back out of a contract that was too big for them.


    The floating¡­thing blocked out the sun, the gods-damned sun!


    A stately corio woman approached, her posture elegant as she entered the room.


    ¡°Good afternoon. I am Teranda, I¡¯ll guide you to Elder Dragus.¡±


    Knurt rose to his feet and bowed politely. Never hurts to be extra polite with the clients. Especially when they can kill you with a thought.


    The Corio in front of him was one such person.


    She motioned for him to follow her, and lead him down a series of long halls paved with smooth white stone. Despite not seeing any servants, Knurt couldn¡¯t make out any dirt on the smooth stone that had been polished to a mirror shine.


    Do I really look that nervous? He thought, glancing down at his own reflection.


    ¡°Here we are,¡± Teranda said, pointing to a door. ¡°You may enter, I will wait outside.¡±


    Knurt swallowed and opened the door, revealing a cozy little office, where the elder was sitting in front of a rather large desk.


    ¡°So,¡± the elder said, hands folded, his bushy white brows drawn together in a scowl. ¡°How¡¯d it go?¡±


    Please, by all the gods, just let me get out of this alive, Knurt prayed as he began his report.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 210: Planetary, intergalactic

    Garth stood on the teleportation pad designed after a certain nonspecific space exploration TV series, and touched his communicator, which gave a welcoming doodle. It made Garth feel like he was a kid again, and no one else knew the difference, so why not?


    ¡°Scotty, beam us to the surface where we can bust a prime directive all over their faces.¡±


    Alicia leaned into his periphery with a frown. ¡°What are you talking about?¡±


    Caitlyn leaned into his other periphery, looking at Alicia. ¡°He designed this place to look like the set from Star-Trek, a play from his youth about people exploring space. It¡¯s probably to make him feel young again instead of an ancient fossil from days long past.¡±


    ¡°I thought that¡¯s what I was for,¡± Alicia said with a smirk.


    ¡°Slut.¡±


    ¡°Voyeuristic nerd.¡±


    ¡°When did I lose control of this situation?¡± Garth pondered aloud.


    WHEN YOU BROUGHT THE SECOND FEMALE ON BOARD! Grass intoned.


    I think that¡¯s fairly obvious.


    I¡¯M STILL NOT SPEAKING TO YOU.


    Look, Grass, his mythos is to be undetectable, and I think he¡¯s been upgrading himself, too¡­I simply can¡¯t find the ninja lawnmowing rock. Besides, you¡¯re not in any danger.


    IT FEELS WEIRD!


    But people love your new look.


    THEY DO?


    Of course! Haven¡¯t you felt them admiring your smooth turf, the beautiful curves of the earth highlighted by your brilliant green surface? And haven¡¯t you felt the children romping and playing on you?


    HMMM¡­.


    Garth turned his attention to his apprentices. ¡°Quick, hit the button.¡±


    Alicia turned away from eyeing Caitlyn and mashed the teleport button, sending them and everything in the teleporter down to the surface of the planet.


    Kurm didn¡¯t look particularly out of the ordinary from space. Normal sized cities, normal wilderness, oceans, deserts, all that jazz.


    But when they hit the ground, they noticed a few things were off right away. The grass around the city that appeared normal from space was taller than Garth¡¯s head, with stalks half as thick as his wrist.


    Garth was six foot six at the moment.


    ¡°Is it lower gravity or something?¡± Garth muttered, glancing up, and marveling at the massive trees looming above them, putting redwoods to shame as they branched out in every direction, making a looming canopy of thick branches hundreds of feet above them in an impossible display of structural integrity. There was a reason redwoods were straight, but these trees seemed to be ignoring that.


    Garth felt as if he¡¯d somehow shrunk in the teleportation, and now they had to go on a merry adventure to inform their parents to get un-shrunk.


    ¡°Oh, my goddess, it¡¯s so beautiful here,¡± Alicia said, spinning and taking in the sights.


    ¡°Did we shrink?¡± Caitlyn snapped off a stalk of grass.


    ¡°Probably not.¡± Garth said, pulling in a wave of mana.


    Control Plants.


    As one, all the grass within several hundred feet of them decided to lay flat, giving them a much better view of their surroundings.


    To the east was a massive stone wall, forty feet tall, with some kind of brown resin at the top. It was being patrolled by tiny figures that seemed to be wearing boiled leather. Looming behind that was a distant golden palace, glimmering in the midday sun.


    ¡°Looks like the flora¡¯s just big here.¡±


    It didn¡¯t bother Garth, though. Show me a plant that doesn¡¯t bend to my will. Except Grass and Mrs. Banyan, but kids always disobey their parents.


    ¡°Well, lets go say hi to the natives, and remember, never break the prime directive.¡±


    ¡°This place is a gathering place of third-tier hopefuls from across the multiverse,¡± Caitlyn pointed out. ¡°They already know about aliens.¡±


    ¡°Just let me have this, you peeping Tammy,¡± Garth said, causing Caitlyn to frown in confusion. Some phrases may not have made the nine hundred year gap. Especially when peeping Tammys are traditionally, very rare.


    Most guys will show girls their junk on request.


    ¡­or is that just me? I remember some of my friends not being as intensely interested in women as I was¡­Probably a hormone imbalance, those poor sods.


    ¡°Yeah, figure that one out.¡± Garth said as the redhead searched her growing knowledge of early twenty-first century pop-culture. He glanced up at the skies. Looked clear.


    ¡°Let¡¯s fly over to the gate and then walk in,¡± Garth said. ¡°They probably have some kind of rule about flying over the wall without a permit or an invisible bug zapper or something like that.¡±


    Fly.


    Garth funneled colorless mana under himself, and Alicia took to the air behind him with the more energetic, rowdier Weather Mana.


    A moment later, Caitlyn followed, also using the more predictable colorless mana beneath herself.


    She wobbled an imperceptible amount before straightening and following after them. Garth faced backward in midair to inspect her mana use.


    The fly spell, was at its heart, a 3-D tube of mana that carried you along in whatever direction you chose.


    Caitlyn¡¯s control was good, she was recycling spent mana well, using it like a conveyer belt, bringing mana behind her back to the front to squeeze her further along through the air, and only losing maybe fifteen percent of her mana each revolution.


    If she were keeping a hundred percent of it, that would make her fly spell require nothing more than the initial investment of will, along with a mental construct to steer it, but she was nowhere near that point.


    Even Garth was losing tiny little bits of mana to the environment as he floated backwards through the air. Maybe three percent per revolution, which meant the strain of flying was substantially lower for him.


    Garth glanced up.


    Alicia was swooping through the air above them with laughter, burning through her mana and losing a staggering third of her tube to the atmosphere as she performed acrobatic loops and twists in midair. Rather than supply her own mana, though, she was channeling Gorn¡¯s to make up for her horrible control, leaving a thin wake of cloud behind her, kind of like a jet, actually.


    Garth glanced back down at Caitlyn floating along, her face focused.


    Alicia needs to learn better control, and Caitlyn needs to achieve the second tier, and maybe a Patron.


    The question of course was, how to achieve those things? Alicia had vengeance to motivate her to do something incredibly stupid, but what did Caitlyn have? She just wanted to stay at home, reinvent the wheel and jerk off while spying on people, none of which seemed particularly worthy of Patronage from a deity.


    Well, it¡¯s not like I did anything particularly plant or fertility-based before Beladia picked me up. I wonder if there¡¯s a god of Voyeurs? He¡¯d probably be interested in Caitlyn. I¡¯ll have to ask Origin. I bet if there were, he¡¯d look like a wooden wall with a hole in it.


    Garth was chuckling to himself when a screech and fwumph of fire sounded from above him.


    Alicia was in the clutches of a massive bird of prey whose plumage was literally made of fire, It¡¯s foot long claws digging into her black leather armor. while she was plunging downward toward the ground, Alicia put a hand on a claw, struggling to pull it out of her left shoulder.


    ¡°Caitlyn!¡± Garth said with urgency, snapping her attention away from the deadly fight going on above them.


    ¡°Yes?¡± She asked, her flight wobbling again as she struggled to process.


    ¡°Hand me Origin, I need to look something up.¡±


    Caitlyn gave him an odd look and handed him the book out of her breast pocket.


    Alicia tore the claw away from her shoulder and tried to break the birds finger with a feminine scream of effort, but the fingers attached to the talons were bigger than her arm, and the creature was more than likely near equal to her in it¡¯s attributes.


    ¡°You¡¯re doing good, Al!¡± Garth shouted, continuing to float toward the city as he opened the book. Caitlyn huddled near him, casting her eyes around fearfully for more giant predators.


    Oh, it¡¯s you. Origin wrote as he opened it. Give me back to Caitlyn, things were just starting to get interesting.


    Is there a god of voyeurs and would he take Caitlyn? Garth thought as Alicia let out a shout of fury and pleasure, driving back the creature¡¯s gnashing beak with a wave of lightning that burned out one of it¡¯s eyes.


    The phoenix-looking thing let out a howl of pain and gripped down on Alicia harder, slicing through her enchanted armor.


    ¡°Mother-¡°


    Alicia cut off her curse, growled and seized a claw with both hands, looping Gorn¡¯s mana between her hands before giving a strange squeak. The channeled lighting was focused in a small point, and literally melted the creature¡¯s talon off.


    It¡¯s really odd, and somewhat arousing to watch her fight, Garth thought idly. At least her Mana Control is improving during battle.


    I know, right? Think you could give me to Alicia once Caitlyn¡¯s done?


    ¡°Sure, man.¡±


    Anyway, to answer your question, while there is such a being, you can¡¯t guarantee that Caitlyn will attract his attention, no matter how specifically you cater her Trial. Her best bet is to do something dangerous and over the top that will attract a lot of attention from multiple deities. Giving her a variety of choices is your responsibility as her Sensei.


    ¡°Damn, I thought that might be the case,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± Caitlyn asked.


    Garth glanced up. The phoenix had reflexively dropped Alicia and was spurting blood from it¡¯s burned-off talon. Al clad herself in lightning before channeled it through her own flesh, striking the monster square in the face.


    The phoenix gave a strangled squawk and started tumbling toward the ground, followed closely by his apprentice, riding a lightning bolt toward the ground and stabbing the creature in the chest repeatedly.


    ¡°Nah,¡± Garth said, handing the book back. What should I have her do? Infiltrate the local magistrate and steal paperwork or something? There would have to be an element of danger and insurmountable odds. Something intelligence based, though, and not¡­


    Garth glanced at Alicia cackling as she cut off the creature¡¯s head with Guile.


    Not that. So spycraft, against someone, or an organization higher tier than her, with the fate of thousands hanging in the balance. 007 type stuff suits Caitlyn more, preferably with gadgets she builds herself. If there¡¯s a god of voyeurs, there sure as hell is a god of invention or craftiness.


    She¡¯s only tier one. Everything is higher tier than her.


    It didn¡¯t escape Garth¡¯s notice that if the monster had gone after Caitlyn, he¡¯d most likely be down one apprentice. Should be plenty of opportunities to pit her against something stronger, then.


    Having determined Caitlyn¡¯s future, Garth turned back toward the city. The little specks on the wall seemed to have seen the flashy fight between Alicia and the monster, and were peering over the edge of the parapet.


    I wonder what that brown resin-looking stuff is.


    ¡°Check it out,¡± Alicia said, rejoining the two of them as they approached the wall, hoisting a massive black talon over her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m gonna make the top into a beer mug, the bottom into a sheath, and the tip into a necklace.¡±


    Garth glanced over at the black-haired girl, whose clothes were artfully shredded, with gaping holes in the tight leather exposing swaths of pale white skin.


    ¡°Oh no, you¡¯re bleeding,¡± Garth said with faux concern as they arrived at the gate, where hundreds of people wearing everything from cultivator robes to adventurer leathers and solid plate mail filed in and out of the entrance.


    ¡°It¡¯s not that bad,¡± Alicia said, poking one of the deep scratches across her thigh, watching it ooze blood.


    ¡°We can¡¯t have that. Better make sure it doesn¡¯t get infected.¡± The Rod of Love manifested in his hand, and Garth gave the riding crop a few experimental swishes, eyeing Alicia.


    ¡°Here?¡± she asked, paling as she glanced around the disaffected city-goers streaming past them. ¡°Couldn¡¯t you just ¨C¡°


    ¡°Nope, Gotta treat wounds immediately,¡± Garth said, and Alicia yelped when he grabbed her with overwhelming strength and bent her over his knee, using the rod to thoroughly apply a full heal through the massive tears in her pants, and not stopping until she was satisfied with his work.


    ***Later***


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, shrugging his shoulders as Alicia slid off his knee into a puddle on the ground, panting and red-faced.


    Anybody who hadn¡¯t had somewhere to be right then had formed a circle of gawkers around the two of them some five or ten people deep. Some shouting encouragement to him, or Alicia, but most simply staring.


    Strangely enough, Caitlyn had decided to stand somewhere far away from the two of them. Her face was beet red from secondhand embarrassment, but she was unable to look away.


    ¡°Now, to business,¡± Garth said as he stood, eyeing the gate past the crowd of onlookers. Gotta see what the locals know about the Hildaven flower.


    ¡°Clear the way! Clear the road for the prince!¡±


    A prince? I thought the Dan Ui ran this place, Garth thought as the crowd jerked out of their jiggling butt-induced stupor and immediately got onto the side of the road and bowed low in obeisance.


    Garth, meanwhile, sat back down on his wooden chair rooted in the center of the street, reclining and putting his feet up on whatever was in front of him, which happened to be Alicia.


    The crowd parted to reveal a young Shinta, probably male, riding a palanquin and wearing thick silks embroidered with gold. In Garth¡¯s Mana sight, he registered as a tier two, stronger than average, stronger than Garth, even, magically speaking. About on the same level as Jim, who¡¯d been a tier four.


    In front of him was a corio with a very official looking hat, very tall and black and shaped like a box. He was prodding people out of the way with some kind of crook.


    It¡¯s not like the guy can¡¯t fly is it? Garth thought, eyeing the four sweaty orcs carrying the palanquin. Wasteful. Garth had way better ways to use orcs for hard labor.


    The corio in the lead saw Garth sitting there, and looked like he was about to blow a gasket, storming forward with his staff and roughly poking Garth with it.


    ¡°Clear the path for the prince!¡± he shouted, unable to unseat Garth with his baby-nudges.


    ¡°Kublem, easy, I believe this is the one we seek.¡± The man on the litter said, pointing at the massive claw beside Garth¡¯s chair. He looked down at Garth in a manner that made Garth¡¯s hackles rise.


    ¡°Were you the one who defeat the Junshei earlier today?¡±


    ¡°Big flaming bird thing?¡±


    ¡°That would be it.¡±


    ¡°The creature would still be alive if it weren¡¯t for me, yes.¡±


    Alicia twitched under his feet.


    ¡°Hey, I-¡°


    ¡°Hush apprentice, the adults are speaking.¡±


    The glare Garth got in response was priceless.


    ¡°Excellent. You belong to me now. Report to the Palace for your assignment.¡± He glanced down at the crook wielding fellow. ¡°We¡¯re done here.¡±


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± Garth said, his ire building.


    ¡°You¡¯ll speak when spoken to!¡± the crook wielder poked him again, and Garth made the man¡¯s staff turn on him like a snake and wrap around his windpipe, preventing him from speaking.


    ¡°Ah, you must be new here.¡± The silk-covered Shinta said, his palanquin turning to face Garth again before speaking slowly. As if to an idiot.


    ¡°I. Own.¡± He pointed to himself. ¡°You.¡± He pointed to Garth. ¡°Now.¡± he pointed to the ground.


    ¡°Why would your esteemed self bother with little old me?¡± Garth said, his anger slowly building.


    ¡°The Junshei is a deadly threat, and I¡¯ll need capable slaves when I go on my pilgrimage for the Hildaven flower next week. Consider yourself lucky. If there are spare doses, you may be chosen for ascend with me, if you¡¯re especially well behaved. Although at this point, I¡¯m seriously doubting it.


    ¡°Huh,¡± Garth said, scratching his chin. He had two options here: Pretend to be the guy¡¯s stooge long enough to get the drug he needed, snatching it away from the prince in a dramatic last-second grab¡­or he could simply not show up and possibly become an enemy of the state.


    Or, option three.


    ¡°Suck my cock.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± The prince asked, blinking.


    ¡°Maybe it doesn¡¯t translate well,¡± Garth said, glancing at his status band/translator.


    ¡°I.¡± Garth pointed at himself. ¡°Want. You.¡± Garth pointed at the prince. ¡°To put. Your mouth.¡± Garth pointed at him. ¡°On my male sex organ.¡± Garth pointed to his crotch. ¡°And pleasure it with your lips and tongue.¡± Garth motioned back and forth. ¡°Simulating a woman¡¯s vagina. With your face.¡±


    There was utter silence. Garth glanced over at the people prostrating themselves, who looked like they would give anything to be somewhere else at that exact moment. Something about their expressions tickled his funny bone, and he couldn¡¯t help but laugh.


    ¡°Do you have any idea who I am!?¡± The prince demanded, rising to his feet. Still on the palanquin, by the way.


    Garth channeled a tiny blip of mana through his status band.


    He replied, ¡°Do you have any idea what an Orbital Strike is?¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 211: Pow, Right in the Cultural Identity

    ***Then***


    Maren sat on his father¡¯s lap, kicking his heels against the man¡¯s shins as they watched the setting sun turn the distant mountain bright red.


    This was one of those rare moments when the busy man had even a moment to spare for his offspring, and Maren was a little bitter that it took the form of a lecture.


    ¡°You see that mountain, Maren?¡± The king asked.


    ¡°Of course I see it, father.¡±


    ¡°That is Chuldeva. You can see it from any part of our kingdom, In the ancient tongue it means, ¡®pillar of our beliefs¡¯. As long as Chuldeva stands, we will stand as a people. Do you know why?¡±


    Maren couldn¡¯t help feeling a little curious. This lesson was a little less dry than others so far, so he hadn¡¯t nodded off, as was his custom when the lessons went on too long. Besides, he didn¡¯t get much time with his father to himself.


    ¡°Why, father?¡±


    ¡°Because there¡¯s a wish granter at the peak of the mountain.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Maren gasped, eyeing the white mountain soaked in red sunlight. Maybe if he wished at it hard enough, he could have a sister¡­or a friend.


    ¡°Yes, a huge dragon with crimson scales, so big that she can even be spotted roaming the mountainside with the naked eye on a clear day.¡±


    Maren looked harder, leaning forward in his father¡¯s lap.


    The king chuckled and brought him back to rest against his chest. Maren didn¡¯t struggle too much, enjoying the rare feeling of warmth.


    ¡°The dragon¡¯s name is Hajiira, and she can feel the gaze of those of our people who look upon Chuldeva with troubled hearts. She grants those in need the strength to carry on. Looking upon Chuldeva cools the pain in a farmer¡¯s back after a long day, Calms a merchant¡¯s greed, and eases a weary king¡¯s mind.¡±


    ¡°That sounds made up.¡± Maren said.


    ¡°It¡¯s easing my mind right now, my son.¡±


    ¡°Not for me.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not any of those three things yet, so you don¡¯t need your wishes granted.¡±


    Maren considered a moment, then spoke.


    ¡°This all seems highly suspicious,¡± he said, using one of his mentor¡¯s favorite phrases when he got up to trouble. ¡°It¡¯s a wish granter, but it only makes people feel better by looking at it? Presumably in a relaxing situation when they take a moment to forget their troubles?¡±


    Maren was a genius, but genius confers no inherent resistance to tickle torture. His father seized him by the ribs and in a moment of horror, he knew he¡¯d overstepped his bounds.


    After a few minutes of shrieking, his father spoke again.


    ¡°Maybe you¡¯ll climb the mountain one day, and see if it¡¯s true for yourself. Meet Hajiira.¡±


    ¡°Have you?¡± Maren asked, peering up at his father, whose chin hairs were beginning to go grey, his eyes sunken and tired. Maren felt as though his father had seen and done everything there was under the sun, even though he knew that couldn¡¯t be the case.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t had the time to make the pilgrimage, my father died while I was young, but I plan on sticking around a long time, so you can have a childhood.


    ¡°I¡¯ll allow it.¡± Maren said, nestling back into his father¡¯s lap and looking out at the pink glowing mountain. The Pillar of our beliefs¡­ Maren imagined the strength to carry on with his boring lectures tomorrow without falling asleep was radiating from the mountain, suffusing him with a gentle energy.


    ***now***


    Somewhere in the deep reaches of space, entire realities away, orbiting the outer edge of a solar system, a Stanley was peacefully minding it¡¯s own business, photosynthesizing with the dim light from the sun and stars, latched onto a tiny asteroid about the size of a football field.


    Suddenly, the Stanley withered in the blink of an eye, the space jellyfish turning as grey as the rock it was attached to as all its resources, including the poor creature¡¯s life were devoted to casting a staggeringly powerful teleport that crossed dimensions.


    An eyeblink later, and there was no asteroid, just a dead Stanley drifting through the lonely reaches of space. It was fine though, because it had thousands of siblings who entered hibernation as they began to drift away, searching for more asteroids to attach themselves to and continue their life cycle.


    A reality away, the Fertility caught the meteor with chains of Force, calculated trajectory, then gave the massive asteroid a light toss toward the planet, converting it from an asteroid to a meteor.


    ***Garth***


    There was a sudden flash of light that caught everyone¡¯s attention, followed by the rumble of supersonic flight. In the distance, a flaming rock hurtled downward toward the largest mountain on the continent, chosen as a demonstration for its clear line of sight from every angle.


    ¡°Anybody here familiar with the duck and cover technique?¡± Garth asked as the flaming rock tore through the upper atmosphere without even blinking. Just me then? Nice.¡±


    Garth put a shield of force up between them and the soon-to-be shrapnel. There would definitely be fallout from his actions, but at this point, he¡¯d rather kill a bunch of woodland creatures and cause serious property damage than pretend to be someone¡¯s slave.


    The hundreds of miles-distant mountain exploded in a flash of light, followed by a spray of melted stone like a rock thrown into a pond. In the distance, a wave of energy flattened the enormous trees in an expanding circle around the mountain, travelling their direction at the speed of sound. Garth just wished he¡¯d been able to get an areal view of it.


    ¡°Neat.¡± Garth said the instant before the shockwave hit.


    A blast of wind and broken branches the size of semi-trucks battered against the force shield, causing some concern for his apprentice¡¯s well-being.


    Caitlyn and Alicia seemed to be enjoying themselves, though, so it was probably fine. Caitlyn even had the presence of mind to make her own layer of defences, though the point was probably moot.


    ¡°~¡±


    ¡°What!?¡± Garth saw Caitlyn¡¯s lips move, but couldn¡¯t make out what she was saying over the rumbling that seemed to consume the world.


    ¡°~!¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re fine!¡± Garth shouted, giving her a thumbs up. ¡°This is nowhere near enough to cause global extinction!¡± Hopefully that¡¯s what she was asking. Eh, if it was important, she¡¯ll ask me later.


    Then the earthquake hit. Garth wasn¡¯t particularly familiar with earthquakes, being a city slicker most of his childhood and running away to the Midwest, so when the ground bucked out from under him, he was totally unprepared.


    The ground dropped out from under him, and as he was falling downward, it surged back up, jamming his knees violently into his hips, buckling his legs and dropping him to the ground. Garth felt like the entire world had become one enormous bucking bronco, and he was the idiot who¡¯d put the five-dollar bill in the machine in an attempt to impress his friends.


    Everyone else was in the same boat. No one had managed to stay standing through the first violent kick, and were now flattened by the sheer fury of the earth. The asshat¡¯s palanquin was on the ground dropped by the four bearers, who had each fallen one way or another.


    Garth tried to stand up twice as the ground continued to shudder, each time the violent churning of the earth itself knocking him back down. From his unique vantage point on the ground, he saw the massive city wall ripple, deciding whether or not it wanted to collapse on them.


    The third time, Garth had enough presence of mind to fly, simply lifting himself off the ground into the dusty air. Caitlyn noticed his separation from the ground and joined him, starting a trend where everyone capable of flight simply waited out the earthquake in the relative safety of the air.


    Relatively safe now that the initial shockwave had gone past them, that was.


    The clique of fliers was relatively exclusive. It was Garth, Al, Cait, Mr. Too Big For His Britches, and half a dozen others whose flying skill betrayed a tier somewhere between Caitlyn and Alicia.


    It was irritating to note that the cause of this event had slightly better control over his mana than Garth did, only leaking a tiny amount of mana into the environment as he floated in the air, staring at the mountain. The guy must be considered pretty talented for his tier.


    ¡°What do you guys think that was, a seven or an eight on the Richter scale?¡±


    Garth glanced over at the wall, which was still standing.


    ¡°Probably a seven.¡±


    A few of the other wizard glanced at him, uncomprehending, but the prince simply stared toward the mountain, despite a cloud of dust obscuring their vision.


    It was at this moment that stones began to rain back down from where they¡¯d been jettisoned into the atmosphere, dropping stones everywhere from the size of golf-balls to one about as big as a Buick, which crashed through the city wall, leaving a gaping hole through the stone before digging a massive trough through the cobbled streets.


    I hope nobody got killed by that little show, Garth thought as he shielded the crowd from the deadly rain, summoning a dome of force above them, his dome supported by ¨C strangely enough ¨C the princeling¡¯s creation.


    The stone rain continued for a good five minutes, reaching a peak about two minutes in, then slowly coming to a stop as the last bits of stone bounced off the shield.


    At the tail end of the rain, there was a wet squelch above them that drew Garth¡¯s gaze upward, where a giant red object tumbled down the side of the dome. Garth tried to figure out what it was exactly, but couldn¡¯t quite make it out until it came to rest on the ground, resting atop the pile of stone runoff from the dome.


    It was the giant disembodied head of some kind of red-scaled lizard, that Garth could have labeled dragon-esque, although it seemed to have a mane.


    The head was somewhat worse for wear, with snapped off horns and missing an eye. The remaining eye stared accusingly at the prince for the sin of making Garth Daniels upset.


    At least that¡¯s how Garth saw it.


    ¡°Hajiira ¡­¡± The prince said quietly.


    It was at this moment that a gust of wind blew away the dust and revealed the mountain ¨C or rather the lack of one. The mountain¡¯s peaks had been obliterated, replacing it with a gigantic crater that extended out to the slopes of the mountain itself.


    The prince let out a shuddering gasp as tears began to stream down his cheeks.


    What¡¯s the big deal, it¡¯s just a mountain. I could make mountains all day long. Note to self: Make a propaganda mountain of the prince in a humiliating position. Maybe just his face with a boot on it, maybe at the center of the new lake.


    ¡°I give you Garth Lake.¡± Garth said, motioning to the crater. ¡°No need to thank me.¡±


    ¡°You did this?¡± he asked, and Garth imagined a wooden creak as the man shifted his gaze to Garth. Man, he looks pissed.


    ¡°Would you like another demonstration?¡± Garth asked, pointing at the city. It was totally a bluff, since Garth didn¡¯t have a penchant for blowing up cities to prove a point, but the silk-clad shinta didn¡¯t need to know that.


    Better to let the man think he meant business.


    The fires of anger sputtered and died as the prince glanced over his shoulder at the severely damaged city wall, and the pristine, un-cratered palace beyond it.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± the Shinta asked, his voice cold and even.


    Garth blinked. He hadn¡¯t really had anything in mind other than shock and awe, overlooking the list of demands that typically went along with holding an entire nation hostage.


    One..hundred..Billion dollars!


    ***


    ¡°I¡¯ve never had a palanquin ride before,¡± Garth said idly as he rummaged through the little box on the side of Maren¡¯s seat, finding some nice fruits and a bottle of some fine liquor. Garth tried the fruit and found them to be something like a lychee, a fruit with a unique texture and pleasant, but not overpowering taste.


    He ate a couple and stored the seeds away for later. You can never have too many good fruits.


    ¡°I find that surprising,¡± Alicia said from the ground beside him. There was only so much room on the platform and he didn¡¯t want to overburden the orcs. ¡°You seem like the type who might enjoy it.¡±


    ¡°Eh, the novelty is wearing off fast,¡± he said, taking a sip of Prince Maren¡¯s wine. ¡°Flying is way better.¡±


    ¡°So tell me,¡± Garth said, turning his attention to Maren, who was walking on the other side of the palanquin. ¡°The pilgrimage for the Hildaven flower, Give me the details.¡±


    Maren was somehow under the impression that Garth was a fifth tier or higher master visiting with his apprentices, and Garth wasn¡¯t going to disabuse him of that notion any time soon.


    Garth¡¯s heart suddenly froze as a thought occurred to him. ¡°Please tell me they didn¡¯t only grow on the snow-capped peaks of the mount¡­whatever it was.¡±


    ¡°Chuldeva. It means ¡®the pillar of our beliefs¡¯.¡± Maren said, giving him the thousand yard stare.


    ¡°Meant. It meant that. Now it¡¯s a cautionary tale about the prince who acted like a cunt to the wrong guy.¡± Garth grinned down at him. ¡°You¡¯re gonna go down in history. Also you didn¡¯t answer my question.¡±


    ¡°The Hildaven flower blooms every seven years in midsummer, when the twin suns are equidistant. It grows in the noxious marsh of K¡¯than, that stretches from one side of the continent to the other. During this time, the monster population explodes, washing against the city walls like waves against a stone cliff, before eventually settling back down when the twin suns retreat.¡±


    Garth looked up in the sky and saw the two suns, about thirty-five degrees apart, bearing down on them with relentless heat.


    ¡°During this time, it becomes a desperate fight for survival even one step outside the city walls, requiring the vast majority of our manpower to stay here and protect the citizens, while hopefuls who wish to discover the flower and ascend to the next tier form small, elite groups and venture out to find the flower in bloom, facing death at every turn.¡±


    ¡°That sounds exciting. And how many people do you expect will be partaking in this particular pilgrimage?¡±


    ¡°From the city alone, Thousands, but most of them will never make it back, and those that do are unlikely to have found what they were looking for.¡±


    ¡°Hmm¡­swamp, huh? That doesn¡¯t sound too bad.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 212: The Mire

    ¡°Good afternoon, your majesty,¡± Garth said, bowing deeply to the throne while Caitlyn and Alicia. ¡°I do hope this day finds you and your court well.¡± Garth sneaked a glance at the ruined reception room, filled with hastily swept away broken glass, fallen lamps, and even a scorched tapestry.


    The man¡¯s court was obviously not well after Garth¡¯s little pissing contest.


    Mana ebbed around Papa Maren like a heartbeat, almost in time with the vein on the side of his head.


    ¡°Alas, I¡¯ve never had the pleasure of meeting you, Mr...¡±


    ¡°Garth Daniels, your majesty, here to seek the Hildaven flower with my apprentices during the Surge.¡±


    ¡°What are you that can level mountains with that paltry amount of control over the mana in the room?¡±


    Garth shrugged as he came up from his bow. ¡°You of all people should know how delegation works.¡±


    ¡°I suppose your benefactor is the one who gives you the confidence to walk into my house without a guard. Some people are upset with you.¡±


    Papa Maren looked upset. The Shinta¡¯s long brows quivered with repressed rage.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got a solution that I think sees us all equally happy,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°The first part, I¡¯ll allow your son to take part in my run through K¡¯than to retrieve the flower.¡±


    ¡°There are three third tier Cultivators and myself who could take Maren through the swamp without breaking a sweat in the city alone. What you offer is not special.¡±


    ¡°The second part is, I will show your son how to create a new mountain. His legacy can be restoring Chuldeva rather than destroying it.¡±


    ¡°And how do you expect to do that?¡± Papa Maren asked, knitting his fingers together and leaning forward. The man was interested.


    ¡°We¡¯d go up into space, shop for another mountain, cut it into shape, and gently lower it into the hole where the other one was. It would be bare rock for a few thousand years, but you could have a public works project to cover the slopes with dirt if you wanted to speed things up.¡±


    ¡°into space?¡± Papa Maren asked, glancing up with Garth¡¯s pointed finger.


    ¡°Where do you think the rock from the sky came from? There¡¯s so much more territory to expand into outside your planet. We could find a chunk of stone the size of your Chuldeva, no problem.¡±


    Papa Maren spent a long while tapping his fingers against the back of his hand as he considered Garth¡¯s offer.


    ¡°I understand the impact that a legend has on a king¡¯s rule, and while I would be happy to have Maren secure his place in history, there are conditions.¡± He finally said, staring down at Garth with intense blue eyes.


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°Your demonstration damaged the city wall. The Eliokamphs, who normally are kept out, will flood into the city through no less than sixteen breaches in our defences that we know of. If even one gets through, they will plant eggs in some poor fool out of sight in a basement somewhere, erupting out by the thousands and infesting the entire city in a matter of weeks.¡±


    ¡°As it stands right now, we have no choice but to declare martial law and impress every cultivator of second tier or lower to defend the city.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a wizard.¡±


    Papa Maren raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°I identify as a wizard.¡± Garth explained, tapping his chest. ¡°Not a cultivator. Too wuxia.¡±


    ¡°All right then, wizard. Can you delegate a solution to this problem? Otherwise you will be facing the midsummer Surge along with your apprentices.¡±


    ¡°¡­You can¡¯t?¡± Garth asked with a frown. It was just a city wall. Stone Shape or Wall of Stone should work perfectly, and Garth knew for a fact they were easy-peasy. A handful of people should be able to patch a stone wall with magic in a matter of minutes. Hours at most.


    For a similar reason, stone walls shouldn¡¯t be that effective against people.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see,¡± Garth murmured, holding out his hand and tugging Earth mana out of the ground and shaping it into a rigid stone latticework.


    Wall of stone.


    A pillar of smooth stone appeared under his palm, resting against the floor.


    ¡°What the¡­¡± the king stood from his seat, staring at Garth¡¯s paltry creation.


    ¡°You can¡¯t do this?¡±


    ¡°Cultivators can¡¯t create solid objects from nothing until the fifth tier.¡±


    ¡°Is Cultivator a physical class?¡± Garth asked, cocking his head to the side, ¡°¡¯Cuz I skipped that side of the book.¡±


    It would make sense though, a martial arts class with higher physical specs wouldn¡¯t unlock wizard-like abilities until higher tiers, when their intelligence caught up. The question was why everyone was a ¡®cultivator¡¯ and not a mix of different classes.


    ¡°I have some questions, if you don¡¯t mind.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°I¡¯ll answer them if I see fit.¡± Papa Maren sat back down in his chair.


    ¡°What class did you choose when you put your hands on the Imprinting orb?¡± Garth asked.


    Papa Maren blinked.


    ¡°Choose?¡±


    Ayup, there¡¯s your problem right there, Garth thought like a tired plumber.


    From what Garth was seeing, it was Inner sphere law that newly inducted planets be given access to all classes that weren¡¯t illegal, but when those planets got snapped up by a clan, they immediately imposed restrictions on what classes they could and couldn¡¯t have, to keep Garths from springing out of the woodwork.


    How much of what I¡¯ve seen is Inner sphere corruption, and how much is clan? Beladia was alarmed to hear we hadn¡¯t been assigned armies to help against the Kipling, right before she got cut off. In a perfect world, we would have had armies assisting in Kipling cleanup and showing us the ropes of the new world, assimilating us seamlessly into their system.


    That felt like a lifetime ago, but it was only eight hundred and forty-five years.


    That seemed like another good thing to add to Garth¡¯s constantly shrinking bucket list. ¡®Find asshole who denied Earth aid and introduce him to the concept of the Orbital Strike.¡¯


    ¡°What do you mean by choose?¡± Papa Maren asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know how to break it to you,¡± Garth said ¡°So I¡¯ll just say it. The people running this planet have slowly, over the course of thousands of years, narrowed the spectrum of Classes that could be chosen, until no one alive could remember a time when there was anything but a single choice. They were doing that on my planet too, no big deal. But that¡¯s neither here nor there.¡±


    Garth glanced over at Maren and back to his father, who seemed to be digesting that information.


    ¡°You wanted a solution to your wall problem.¡±


    Garth pinged his band.


    Bell, could you send, ah¡­ Garth considered sixteen, the bear minimum to get all the wall fixed at once, then reconsidered, doubling it for spares, then reconsidered again, looking at all the property destruction around him. Send three hundred or so Banyan to my position? I need a reconstruction team.


    GRASS WON THE BET. PAY UP.


    Grass¡¯s booming mental voice came on the airwaves.


    A second later, with a pop of displaced air, three hundred Mrs. Banyans appeared, causing Papa Maren to flinch in his throne.


    ¡°Mrs. Banyan, this is King Maren the fifth,¡± Garth said. ¡°King Maren the fifth, this is Mrs. Banyan.¡±


    ¡°Would you please patch up the city wall and repair the city proper? It¡¯s got a lot of¡­holes in it.¡±


    ¡°It begs the question of why we sent a meteor down here in the first place,¡± Her closest body said, clearly a little salty about having to clean up Garth¡¯s mess.


    ¡°To prove we could, obviously. Now we¡¯re fixing it. To prove we can.¡±


    The three hundred Mrs. Banyans glanced at the throne at the same time, considering.


    ¡°Okay, but I can only stay away from my tree for so long.¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡±


    The dark brown woodgrained women in grass skirts filed out of the audience room, past dozens of startled guards.


    ¡°They should have the walls and most of the city patched up in a couple hours.¡± Garth said, returning his attention to the king, who was slowly relaxing.


    ¡°I have one more request, before you abscond with my heir.¡±


    ¡°Wazzat?¡±


    ¡°I request that one of your apprentices stay to oversee the reconstruction and aid in the city¡¯s defense during the weeks you¡¯ll be searching for the Hildaven.¡±


    Translation: I¡¯ll be keeping one of your apprentices hostage so you think twice about hurting my son. Garth didn¡¯t even have to think about it.


    ¡°Caitlyn, you¡¯re up.¡±


    ¡°Wha- what!?¡± the redhead squeaked as Garth pushed her forward.


    ¡°Let¡¯s face it, the stuff out in the swamp, if it¡¯s even close to as tough as Alicia¡¯s firebird, you¡¯re probably gonna die. And as a hosta- er, technical advisor, you¡¯ll be treated very well, probably.¡±


    ¡°Here,¡± Garth said, taking the Amulet of Endeavor out of his Status Band and slipping it over her head. ¡°A lucky charm. Just do what comes naturally to you, and you¡¯ll do fine.¡±


    Alicia frowned. ¡°Isn¡¯t that ¨C¡°


    ¡°Hush now, apprentice,¡± Garth said. There was no better spying opportunity than being a hostage in a king¡¯s court. Probably.


    ****


    ¡°¡¯Cuz this is thriller!¡± Garth moonwalked above the solid brown swamp water under the watchful eyes of Alicia, Maren and the fifteen or so bodyguards/assassins. They were bodyguards if you were Maren, assassins if you were Garth, although no one had tried to kill him yet. They were probably under orders only to kill him under a very specific set of circumstances.


    ¡°Thriller night!¡±


    Garth may have underestimated the difficulty of navigating this particular swamp. The violently acidic swamp muck wreaked havoc on people¡¯s bodies, so everyone who came along had to float above the water¡¯s surface, constantly draining their energy.


    Above them was a smog-like cloud of poisonous green mist that prevented people from spotting the flowers from above, ruling out spotting the plants from the safety of the air.


    Nope, they had to flit around from tree to tree like Will-o-wisps, not high enough to choke on the smog, not low enough to get dissolved.


    Good times. Garth was wearing a flying enchantment that kept him aloft without any strain, but the same couldn¡¯t be said of everyone else.


    One of the bodyguards flew closer, the strain of hovering indefinitely showing around his eyes. ¡°Mr. Daniels, there are more than a few creatures in this swam that hunt based on sound, so if you could-¡°


    Garth ignored the assassin, moonwalking away while grabbing his crotch.


    ¡°And no one¡¯s gonna save you from the beast about to ¨C¡°


    A nearby tree exploded into motion, its branches slamming into him with bone crushing force, pummeling him into the swamp water.


    Garth¡¯s world became instantly muffled as he was surrounded by the acidic water. He closed his stinging eyes against the water as his skin began to send up bubbles, rapidly being eaten away.


    Garth had just enough presence of mind to direct his enchantment to fly him up, as his skin began to become truly uncomfortable.


    Garth felt solid bands of what seemed like rough wood latch onto his arms, legs, and waist, pulling him deeper into the drink.


    Two can play at this game. Garth thought.


    Control Plants.


    He drew in the nature mana, formed a rudimentary musculature in the plant, and told it to unwrap him.


    The tree smacked the mana under his control away from itself like an angry toddler before surrounding itself with a dense randomized skin of nature mana, the equivilant of jamming its fingers in its ears and saying ¡®lalala, I can¡¯t hear you!¡¯


    For an instant, Garth was stunned at the fact that there was a plant capable of disobeying him, as the more nature mana he threw at it, the more it was absorbed and deflected.


    He¡¯d never come across a sentient plant he hadn¡¯t made before.


    ¡°Bah!¡± Garth gurgled into the brown acid-water, just barely preventing himself from swallowing some of the noxious brew.


    Fine. FINE!


    Bark Skin


    Polymorph


    Garth targeted himself with the spell, using a complex weave of mana around himself to assume the form of something a little more suited to fighting in a swamp: A prehistoric crocodile.


    Garth felt himself stretching uncomfortably as the bands of roots around his neck, arms and legs snapped. His nose elongated into a snorkle, his tail into a massive paddle, and his teeth, death.


    ¡°ARUAHAAHURAHA!¡± Garth said, taking a breath as his mouth broke the surface of the shallow water. Crocodiles weren¡¯t that good at speaking. He saw the stunned tree to his left, its limbs rapidly turning flaccid as it lost the will to fight.


    Too late for that, sucker!


    Garth let out a barbaric yawp and thrashed to the side, sending up a spray of the toxic water as he clamped his jaws down around the fleeing tree.


    He felt the creature¡¯s bark splinter under his teeth, and sweet sap filled his mouth as it started desperately beating on the top of his head with its gnarled, mace-like limbs.


    Its hammer-like blows did more damage to the monster¡¯s hands than it did to Garth¡¯s armored head as he gradually bit the damn thing in half. It let out a wretched moan, and slumped back in his mouth, it¡¯s maple-adjacent blood quenching his thirst. He got a little of the swamp water in his mouth, ravaging his mouth and throat.


    Once the creature had gone completely still, Garth let it out of his mouth and got back to business.


    Fly.


    Garth dismissed the polymorph as he rose into the air, his spine, arms, ribs and organs distinctly uncomfortable as they clicked against each other, creaking back into their normal positions.


    ¡°Did you guys wanna try some of this tree sap?¡± Garth asked as his lips, skin and eyes grew back. ¡°It¡¯s pretty good.¡±


    When he could see well again, he spotted Alicia watching him with something between fear and lust, while the others were staring at him like a giant spider that had started nesting in their favorite coat.


    ¡°Oh right,¡± Garth said, glancing down at his naked body. ¡°Clothes melted off.¡± He sent out a pulse of mana and his Status Band flew out of the swamp, untouched by the acid. It opened up and secured itself around his wrist and he pulled out a spare pair of pants from its storage, sliding into them in midair.


    ¡°Always bring spare clothes.¡±

 Chapter 213: Captivated

    ***Caitlyn***


    Caitlyn saw Garth off with the rest of the city, waving from the top of the wall as his procession headed out the gate. She was standing uncomfortably close to the palanquin of the Shinta king of the city.


    Caitlyn had been raised to maintain a certain level of decorum, forged in the fire of high society, but this¡­


    Caitlyn looked left.


    She looked right.


    Am I the only human in a thousand miles? The only thing that prevented her from having a panic attack on top of the wall as she watched her lifeline march into the forest, was the fact that she had more lifelines.


    Mrs. Banyan was subtly checking in on her every hour or two as she swept over the city, cleaning up her father¡¯s ill-conceived mess as a show of strength.


    The little metal badge Garth had lifted right out of Star-Trek would allow her to retreat to the Fertility if she needed to escape, and¡­


    Caitlyn put a hand on the large silver eye dangling between her boobs. It was kinda tasteless, uncomfortable, and she couldn¡¯t see any movement of mana around it, but Garth wouldn¡¯t have given her a meaningless trinket just to boost her confidence would he?


    That kind of seems like something he might do.


    ¡°And there they go,¡± the king said quietly as the procession disappeared from sight. ¡°Honestly I couldn¡¯t have asked for a better trial than your master for my son. He¡¯d grown¡­stagnant, even third tiers couldn¡¯t match him.¡± He turned and eyed Caitlyn. ¡°And you can¡¯t raise a great king with stagnation.¡±


    ¡°I always thought nothing I did was good enough for my dad,¡± Caitlyn said. ¡°But I wouldn¡¯t be where I am without that kind of pressure.¡±


    ¡°I see. Well, it¡¯s lovely to meet you miss.. is it a miss?¡± The Shinta frowned from his palanquin. ¡°I see you¡¯ve got breasts, but I¡¯ve never seen your species before, so I didn¡¯t want to assume.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a miss,¡± Caitlyn said, crossing her arms over her chest modestly before thinking better of it and returning to her relaxed stance. It was fine. He wasn¡¯t even the same species, so it didn¡¯t count. If he was a human, things would have been different. Probably.


    Caitlyn was not okay with people ogling her back.


    She thought about it a moment, idly bringing her arms up to rest more comfortably folded under her chest.


    Probably.


    ¡°Well miss Caitlyn, it¡¯s an honor to have you with Us. You¡¯ll have to tell Us all about your travels over dinner, and We will regale you with stories about Our kingdom.¡±


    ¡°That sounds wonderful.¡± Caitlyn said, nodding.


    ¡°Indeed.¡± The king tapped his Palanquin bearers on the shoulders. ¡°Let¡¯s be off.¡±


    The heavyset orcs easily turned the palanquin, which was when Caitlyn noticed one of the bearers tear his gaze away from her chest in order to attend to his duty.


    Caitlyn glanced down, and noticed she¡¯d been pushing them up and out with her arms, making neat little mounds in the scoop neck of her shirt.


    I forgot the orcs were even there!


    Caitlyn took a deep breath and forced her hands down to her sides, her heart slamming blood through her body as a bolt of excitement ran down her spine.


    I have to act with decorum. I¡¯m the first example of humans they¡¯ll have.


    Actually, Garth¡¯s voice rang in her mind, Humans have been officially evaluated at an eight point seven on the Qinsy Scale, putting us in the top four percent of all the thousands of sapient creatures for promiscuity. We¡¯re a slutty, slutty species. If anything, your behavior is par for the course. It¡¯s one of the reasons Beladia and Munasei like us so much.


    Are you listening to my thoughts!? Caitlyn demanded internally, her face burning.


    Couldn¡¯t leave my apprentice without adult supervision, but if you need alone time, there¡¯s a switch hidden on the back of your Status Band that¡¯ll cut the connection.


    You modified my Band!? Caitlyn rolled her sleeve back, furiously looking for the switch.


    Did you know Pre-Spheres studies have indicated that a voyeur is sixty three percent likely to also have exhibitionist tendencies? I read it on wiki-


    Caitlyn found the switch, a camouflaged little inset tab that could slide back and forth a miniscule amount. She jammed it ruthlessly, and Garth¡¯s idle chatter cut out, leaving her standing in the street, panting with humiliation and glaring at her arm.


    ¡°Problem?¡± the king asked, glancing over his shoulder.


    ¡°No, your majesty, just a small issue with my Status Band.¡±


    The King¡¯s gaze landed on her custom band for a moment.


    ¡°We¡¯ll have to demonstrate our generosity in hosting the apprentice of such a distinguished¡­wizard. Allow me to provide you with a new one.¡±


    Caitlyn froze for an instant. She couldn¡¯t say no without insulting the king, and saying yes would lose one of her lifelines.


    Caitlyn¡¯s band was a simple leather affair, but she¡¯d made herself in her spare time in the last month while the enormous Gate around the Fertility was spinning up.


    She¡¯d made the interior out of fifteen Mythic core centers, cut by a laser into perfect curved hexagons that created a seamless surface around her entire wrist. She¡¯d spent sleepless nights designing its abilities, and even managed to book ten minutes of Halo¡¯s precious time, making the band more powerful than anything on the Fertility, save possibly Garth, Halo, the Fertility, and by extension Bell, and the Gate.


    It even had a tiny gem of Practice stone embedded on either end, creating a bubble of Law just big enough to accommodate the Band, allowing it to improve over time on its own.


    If she lost it, she would be down another lifeline.


    ¡°I would be happy to accept your generosity, but creating and maintaining our own Status Bands is one of our responsibilities as an apprentice.¡± Caitlyn lied. ¡°I can¡¯t neglect my training.¡±


    ¡°Commendable.¡± The king rumbled and Caitlyn breathed an internal sigh of relief before following him out into the street.


    Halfway back to the Palace, they were ambushed.


    Half a dozen orc men wearing masks leapt out of an alley to the right of the palanquin, while another four jumped off nearby roofs, surrounding them in an instant.


    Caitlyn flinched away from the attackers, putting one hand on the badge that would allow Fertility to teleport her away, while summoning her magical P90 in the other.


    ¡°Maren the fifth, We, the-¡°


    With the sound of rattling marbles breaking the sound barrier, fifty adamantium ball-bearings smaller than her thumb tore through the left flank of the black-clothed men, blasting through the stone walls behind them like strawbales.


    Maren the fifth cast Caitlyn a bemused glance before he leapt off the palanquin with surprising grace, putting his limbs crashing through the men¡¯s bones, sending them collapsing to the ground in a flurry of fists.


    In a matter of seconds, the fight was over, and the once lively street was dead as the king slid into a new silken robe after washing his hands. It seemed like no one wanted to be associated with the attack.


    Caitlyn was one of five living individuals on the street, making her feel awkward as she stood there, hand slowly releasing her teleporter.


    ¡°That is an interesting weapon.¡± He said, eyeing Caitlyn¡¯s P-90.


    Her heart leapt in her chest.


    ¡°You like it? It¡¯s modeled after a pre-Sphere weapon, small enough to use with one hand, big enough to adopt a rifle stance. The tricky part was actually the adamantium bullets. Since they aren¡¯t propelled by gas, I was able to give them a uniquely aerodynamic shape, wrapped around the tiny core stud that rests at the heart of each of the bullets. There are five of them, and they are designed to trigger a pulse in a corresponding enchanted stud as they pass by. That triggers a remote teleport in the bullet three shots prior, putting the bullet back in the clip after approximately a quarter second has passed. With that design, I can shoot at close range targets all day at about two hundred and forty shots per minute, or more controlled, slow fire at more distant targets, allowing the bullets to reach their mark before they are ¡®ported back. The effective range is close to a thousand feet, and ¨C¡°


    Caitlyn¡¯s teeth clacked shut as she realized she was oversharing.


    ¡°You remind me of my cousin,¡± King Maren said with a chuckle as he climbed back up onto his palanquin.


    ¡°Does he like designing things too?¡± Caitlyn asked. maybe someone at the palace will be fun to talk to. She gasped with excitement. Maybe he¡¯ll be able to show me something I can use in my next project.


    ¡°Not really, no,¡± King Maren said, crushing Caitlyn¡¯s hopes. ¡°He used to, though. Drew all sorts of useless inventions and wanted the royal coffers to pay for them.¡±


    ¡°What happened?¡± Caitlyn asked. maybe if she showed him the P-90...


    ¡°Beaten to death.¡± Maren said. ¡°The Royal family exemplifies rule by the strong, and challenges are frequent.¡±


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s¡­¡± Awful? Caitlyn didn¡¯t know how to proceed. On Earth the nobles were the nobles because of their relative strength.


    ¡°We live in a melting pot, Caitlyn,¡± King Maren said as he sat down on the Palanquin. ¡°On a world ripe with monster cores, overflowing with anonymous migrant cultivators, and the Hildaven flower growing wild, anyone with luck, money, talent, or hard work can reach the third tier. The king must be strong enough to fend off these self-made demigods with ease.¡±


    The king had somehow read her expression despite not being totally familiar with humans.


    ¡°That¡¯s not the case on my home planet,¡± Caitlyn said.


    ¡°Tell me more,¡± Maren said, patting the seat next to him.


    Caitlyn shrugged and put a foot on one of the orcs shoulders and climbed up into the seat.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°Oh, come on, that¡¯s like, the opposite of spying,¡± Garth muttered, sliding Caitlyn¡¯s clicker back into his Status band as Caitlyn started telling the freaking king all about Earth without getting a whole hell of a lot in return.


    She¡¯d given away the position of her teleporter badge, the importance of her status band, and the fact that she was armed. Garth had seen the man¡¯s gaze land on the badge, even if Caitlyn hadn¡¯t


    It was standard practice though, harmlessly sounding out her value as an ally or potential damage as an enemy. Garth was slightly suspicious of the attack in the middle of the street, wondering if perhaps the king had orchestrated it to make Caitlyn show some of her cards.


    Just because Caitlyn had flipped the switch didn¡¯t mean he no longer could see what was going on with her. The switch only cut communications one way, unlike what Garth might have led her to believe.


    Ah well, she¡¯s just getting started, and I already spotted a clickable action.


    *****


    ¡°Range! flexibility! Never stop thinking!¡± Garth said, pulling out his other clicker and redirecting his attention to Alicia, who was sparring with Maren junior.


    The fight benefitted them both, as Alicia¡¯s master ¨C Garth ¨C wasn¡¯t the close-range brawler type, and Maren¡¯s people had very little experience with tossing lightning around.


    ¡°Maren, lightning is raw, compressed mana, try to make your barrier go in multiple directions at once to tease apart the mana. Below a certain density, it simply fizzles out.¡±


    ¡°Why are you helping him!?¡± Alicia demanded shortly before a slightly scorched fist slid through her stream of lightning and broke her nose, sending her body tumbling end over end into a swamp tree.


    ¡°I¡¯m helping him, to help you.¡± Garth said as he and the rest of the crew sailed above the muck, searching for an island of dry land to camp on. ¡°Adversity helps us put together a bag of tools that we can then use going forward in life.¡±


    Garth considered his words. ¡°Gah, I sound like a high school guidance counselor. Having apprentices is making me boring.¡± Garth was happy though, being a sensei was something like being a dad, which Garth had always wanted to be.


    Well, except for all the sex.


    Maren followed Alicia to the tree she was embedded in, adopting a vertical mount position and aiming to knock her lights out.


    Alicia let out a scream of pain as she channeled her god¡¯s power internally. Her flesh began to glow, blue electricity snapping and lighting up the veins and bones under her skin.


    The first punch that made contact with her face was met by an arc of lightning that leapt from her broken nose to the young prince¡¯s arm.


    Maren stiffened in surprise, and Alicia used the opportunity to slide out from under him, wrapping her legs around the Shinta¡¯s neck and squeezing, hard.


    Maren was suddenly the one being pressed into the tree, being choked out by a triangle hold that doubled as a taser.


    ¡°You¡­rustic¡­barbarian¡­bitch!¡±


    ¡°Who¡¯s the one eating bark, you limp-wristed, palanquin-riding fop?¡± Alicia demanded.


    ¡°Yes, target their weaknesses with trash talk!¡± Garth shouted with glee, rubbing his hands together and earning curious glances from dozen bodyguards. ¡°Yours was a little weak though, Maren. Not personal enough.¡±


    Maren was wheezing as he tried to summon the muscle strength to pulle Alicia¡¯s legs away from his neck.


    ¡°Probably got this far guzzling your master¡¯s co-¡°


    Alicia went for a vicious rabbit punch. Maren leaned out of the way and caught the black-haired girl¡¯s wrist, overextending her until she had no choice but to let go of his neck or dislocate something.


    ¡°What do you know, it works,¡± Maren muttered before he chased after her.


    ¡°Work on your Mana Control!¡± Garth shouted after Alicia as she zoomed away into the marsh, disappearing in an instant. ¡°You¡¯re leaving a super easy to read jet-trail!¡±


    Ah, it¡¯s so rewarding being a sensei, Garth thought when a huge blast of lightning erupted from behind a stand of trees as they tried to subdue each other.


    ¡°So what is that brown stuff on top of the city walls for?¡± Garth asked one of the nearby bodyguards a question that had been bugging him for awhile.


    ¡°The tar sticks to Eliokamphs legs as they try to climb the wall, giving spearmen extra time to dispatch them,¡± he supplied.


    ¡°It¡¯s a glue trap?¡± Garth marveled.


    ¡°Set up two weeks ago for the Surge.¡±


    ¡°Neato.¡±


    Alicia blasted through a solid hardwood in front of him, and Garth reached out with a catcher¡¯s mit of mana, stopping her tumbling fall before she hit the water.


    ¡°Winner, Maren!¡± Garth intoned, pausing when Maren came around the corner, sporting a broken arm and several burn marks all over his body. ¡°Barely!¡±


    ¡°Fuck that,¡± Alicia said, weakly trying to push herself out of Garth¡¯s grip. She was all torn up, with two black eyes, a split lip and several deep cuts. This particular apprentice is rather competitive.


    ¡°Now now Al,¡± Garth said, kissing a small section of unwounded forehead. ¡°You had your fun, but the match was only until we found an island. Which we have.¡±


    Alicia¡¯s blue eyes focused on the stand of trees dotting the island peeking above the acidic water. Enough space for a dozen people two lie down, but not a lot more.


    ¡°Fine.¡± She muttered, relaxing.


    ¡°Now peel yourself out of those busted up clothes, we¡¯ve gotta get you washed up and healed before we can put you in a new outfit.¡±


    Alicia blinked, glancing between him, the others, and the tiny island with absolutely no privacy.


    Garth grinned.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 214: Caitlyn Vs Privacy

    The orcs Grog and Burg sat by their anemic fire, trying to ignore the slapping noises and animalistic grunting coming from the other side of the island, behind the tiny bush that had sprung up two hours ago.


    ¡°Eight point seven on the Qinsey scale indeed,¡± Matta, the Corio mercenary said as he sat down cross legged beside them.


    ¡°What?¡± Burg said. He¡¯d never heard of the Qinsey scale. ¡°What does that mean?¡±


    ¡°Some pervert scholar a long time ago wanted to graph how often different species got it on.¡± Matta said, rustling around in his pack to pull out some dried food and a skin of water.


    ¡°I hear,¡± Grog said, whispering conspiratorily, ¡°That human females don¡¯t even have heat cycles.¡±


    A shriek pierced the air for a second, drawing their attention. The bush had finally stopped shaking.


    ¡°Really?¡± Burg asked directing his gaze back to Grog.


    ¡°Yeah, no heat cycles means that they¡¯re always in heat, always ready to go. With a human woman, anytime you feel like it, just tackle them to the ground and take ¡®em.¡±


    The purple man stumbled out from behind the bush, fully naked and panting desperately.


    ¡°That¡¯s not¡­¡± he gasped, snatching the waterskin out of Matta¡¯s hands and draining it over a long, awkward moment.


    ¡°Oh god, that¡¯s better¡­what was I saying?¡± The purple man¡¯s gaze landed back on them. ¡°Oh, right. That¡¯s not exactly true,¡± he said, shooting water out of his finger into the waterskin.


    ¡°Human women can be rather lusty, but each one of them is also a unique, delicate, tricky puzzle that require a careful, considered approach in order to unlock their hearts.¡±


    ¡°You stripped her in front of everyone and then beat her with a stick.¡± Burg said.


    ¡°True, but I guarantee you that the orcish mating ritual of subduing the female prior to coitus will not work out like you think.¡±


    ¡°Is that not what you were doing?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s complicated, okay? She wouldn¡¯t let just anyone do that to her. With human women you gotta be on some level their friend.¡±


    Grog¡¯s face crumpled into a mask of deep concentration. ¡°Friend? Like¡­another man¡­who you have sex with?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s gross,¡± Burg said.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll stick with orc women, thank you.¡±


    ¡°Bah, you guys don¡¯t know what¡¯s good for ya,¡± The purple man grumbled, creating a tall glass of ice water between his hands as the human female stumbled out from behind the bush. She snatched the water from his hands and drank it in a single session.


    ¡°Oh, thank Gorn.¡±


    It was about this time when their boss, Prince Maren of Teldane, crawled out of his tent, casting a critical eye over the assembled bodyguards and mercenaries, lingering on the humans as his expression soured.


    ¡°I am going to sleep. For the next eight hours, the first person to make any sound will be executed.¡±


    ¡°Do you know what geosynchronous orbit is?¡± the purple man asked.


    ¡°Just keep it down.¡± Maren muttered, retreating back into his tent.


    ****


    ¡°He seemed grumpy,¡± Alicia said, taking another swig of water.


    ¡°Camping affects everyone differently.¡± Garth inspected his little slice of the tiny island. He didn¡¯t have a whole lot of space.


    Garth briefly considered using the badges to warp up to the Fertility for the night and sleep between silk sheets, but¡­it was the principle of camping to be miserable.


    Not that this was a camping trip, exactly. The camping was more in the eye of the beholder in this case. At least Garth got the opportunity to study some offworld plants and build his repertoire.


    Time to get the camp ready for bed.


    Warding


    Garth created a semi-permeable barrier around the camp to let air through, because the alternative would fill the dome with smoke and farts.


    Summon Nature Spirit


    A few men shouted when Woody¡¯s towering body stepped out of the black portal, drawing an irate growl from Maren¡¯s tent.


    Woody gingerly stepped over the tent and took a stance on the very edge of the tiny island.


    ¡°Alright, Woody, your job is to protect us while we sleep. Sound good?¡±


    The fifteen-foot treant gave him a thumbs-up.


    Garth fabricated a comfy bed of cork and cotton with a mosquito net, big enough for two. He was just wrapping up when he felt Alicia¡¯s hands on his shoulder.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°That,¡± She said, pointing at the treant silently watching them.


    ¡°That?¡±


    ¡°I want to learn how to summon living storms.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡± Garth glanced up at the treant. ¡°Maybe?¡± Garth wasn¡¯t sure how a storm would be alive, but he wasn¡¯t ruling anything out at this point. ¡°Tomorrow though, after sparring.¡±


    ¡°Awesome.¡± Alicia gave a grin of childlike excitement before climbing under the mosquito net and burying herself under the covers, depositing her clothes at her feet.


    ¡°You coming?¡± she called, her form highlighted by the covers. For a moment, Garth almost said fuck it and slipped into bed.


    ¡°I want to check out the plants here some more,¡± he said, glancing around with narrowed eyes. ¡°They¡¯re insolent.¡± At least the one that¡¯d tried to eat him.


    ¡°Boring old fossil.¡±


    ¡°Tart.¡±


    Alicia closed her eyes and went to sleep while Garth began investigating. Garth sat down on the bank of the acid swamp and picked a weed, a little scraggly bit of grass.


    Plant Growth.


    Garth¡¯s spell rebounded off the grass like it was made of rubber. Magical rubber.


    Curious, Garth made a wooden trowel using his own spores. That worked, no problem.


    So it¡¯s only native flora, like I thought. Does that extend to fauna as well? After a bit of hunting through the grass like an idiot under the watchful eyes of the bodyguards, Garth was able to find a beetle approximately the size of his thumb.


    Polymorph.


    Garth tried to make it a little bigger, but once again, his mana rebounded as the beetle pushed back against it.


    Interesting¡­


    Polymorph.


    Garth put real effort into changing the beetle, pushing hard. After a minute of concentration, Garth was able to make the beetle a little bigger, after which it reverted to its previous size and shape in a matter of seconds.


    Damn. Garth thought, sitting back in the mud, letting the beetle crawl into a nearby pile of sticks.


    So what are we looking at here?


    A: Creatures evolved magical defenses at some point.


    B: Something is different about the planet or it¡¯s people that causes my form of magic to affect it poorly.


    C: It could be a planet-wide enchantment by the Dan-Ui clan to prevent asshats from stealing or destroying the habitat of their magic flower.


    In any case it wasn¡¯t that big of a problem. Garth carried his spores around with him wherever he went, so despite being unable to mess with the local flora, he was still doing fine.


    The fancy bed he¡¯d conjured was a case-in-point.


    Speaking of fancy beds¡­


    Garth swooped down into the queen-sized mattress precariously perched at the edge of the swamp while the others looked on in envy, scooting up behind Alicia¡¯s refreshingly soft behind.


    ¡°I thought you wanted to play with your plants for the rest of the night.¡± She said with her eyes closed, a hint of a smile on her face.


    ¡°They lost my interest,¡± Garth said, ¡°This on the other hand, this has my interest.¡±


    He could figure out a test to tease out the exact reason for the local creatures being stubborn tomorrow.


    ***Caitlyn***


    Caitlyn couldn¡¯t sleep. The air was unfamiliar, the pillows were lumpy, the sheets thick with uncomfortable, unnecessary embroidery, the temperature was hot. There were dozens of reasons not to be able to fall asleep, but chief among them was the thought that kept repeating in her mind.


    I¡¯m a hostage. Garth knew it too, he almost said as much out loud. Vicious relic.


    They did not want her as a technical advisor, that was for sure. King Maren had thrust a fancy gown on her that night, one that necessitated leaving her teleportation badge and Status Band behind.


    Now she didn¡¯t know where either was, because they certainly weren¡¯t in her room anymore. The Status band was easier to justify leaving, at her request it should have teleported back to her wrist from wherever it was being kept.


    Caitlyn drew in and let out a tiny pulse of Space mana, rippling through the castle like strumming a string. Nothing.


    Either they had a special room that could block teleportation, or they had destroyed her priceless artifact. Caitlyn was betting on the second one.


    A wave of impotent rage rose inside her stomach at the loss. It had taken her a while, but after sitting and thinking it over for an hour or two, she¡¯d finally pieced it together.


    Maren¡¯s son was with a madman, so he took one of the madman¡¯s apprentices as a hostage. As long as the prince came back unharmed, she¡¯d be fine.


    In theory.


    Deliberately hobbling her by taking away her things was ominous, but not necessarily a bad plan. There was plausible deniability. Oh, the servants must have stolen them, they¡¯re so untrustworthy. Here, let me execute this thief to calm your rage.


    Well, fine.


    Caitlyn¡¯s gaze turned toward the locked door. Barred from the outside, in case she was unclear about the kind of situation she was in.


    Two can play at that game.


    She reached up to her earring and pried it open, taking the Aether crystal stud and flipping it around on a hinge, setting it back in the Mythic core frame. The spellwork silently flared to life as the mana circuit was completed.


    Suddenly, Caitlyn could see everything.


    She may have taken a bit of Halo¡¯s time for more clandestine projects¡­especially after Garth confiscated her spying tool.


    This particular beauty could turn the transparency on every nonliving substance up to ninety percent, along with directional audio amplification, a HUD, recording for later, and a host of other quality of life enhancements she could think of, like making the floor stay opaque within four feet of her. It made it easier not to trip.


    On the other side of the ghostly door, Caitlyn saw two orcs standing ramrod straight, leaning on nearly invisible polearms as they guarded her door. Since their clothes were nonliving, she could make out every detail of their green skin.


    She had to stifle a giggle as she watched one of them scratch his ass. It was a nice ass.


    Caitlyn stood and began scanning the room. Barred door with two guards who felt stronger than her, especially without her Status Band. We¡¯ll call that plan B.


    A cabinet full of tea paraphenelia, nothing behind it. A series of cabinets, bookshelves, recliner¡­nothing.


    She continued, slowly scanning the room. Chair, wall, wall, naked midget staring at me.


    Caitlyn nearly jumped in place and screamed before she could muscle the instinct down, continuing to pan her gaze across the ephemeral room.


    The pale little man wasn¡¯t actually naked, that was just her little spy earing showing her through the man¡¯s clothes. He was staring at her, though, from an observing point on the other side of the wall.


    Creepy.


    Caitlyn turned and went for the bookshelf, picking a book at random and heading back to the recliner.


    She wriggled into a comfortable position, held the book in front of her face, and began changing the settings on her earring, changing the opacity of the book in her hand until she could watch the watcher through it.


    She made sure to flip the page every minute or two, while she studied the little man and the hidden door that gave him access to her room.


    With some changes in the settings, she was able to locate the mechanism to open the door, a taut rope that was connected to a series of gears. She followed the rope buried in the wall with her eyes, strung all the way to the other side of the room, where it was connected to the chandelier, just out of her standing reach.


    I hate being short.


    She turned the page.


    After around half an hour, the little spy turned away and crept silently over to the door, making Caitlyn¡¯s heart stall in her chest.


    Rather than open the secret door, however, he simply turned deeper into the castle¡¯s walls, disappearing down a staircase.


    Caitlyn leapt out of the seat, tucked the pillows into a human shape, set the book down beside it, and pulled her hair back into a tight pony-tail.


    She created a simple blade of Force and chopped off the excess, tucking the fiery hair into the bed, where it peeked out to lend a bit of authenticity to her decoy.


    Telekinesis.


    Caitlyn stood next to the secret door, reached out with the spell and yanked on the distant chandelier.


    The door popped open, and Caitlyn caught it to prevent it from squeaking, slipping into the dark tunnel.


    Invisibility.


    Caitlyn¡¯s body disappeared.


    She¡¯d originally found the spell sneaking into Garth¡¯s room and snooping through his things, where she¡¯d found a description of Greater Invisibility.


    She¡¯d been able to simplify and reverse engineer it a bit, giving her Invisibility, which was an applied illusion that created a small mirage centered around the self, forcing light to twist around. It was delicate, though, and had a tendency to break if the mental construct couldn¡¯t compensate fast enough.


    Greater Invisibility didn¡¯t have that problem, but it was too complex for Caitlyn to learn at her current level.


    Caitlyn closed the door behind her, raised the light sensitivity on her earing, then started stalking down the staircase as quietly as she could.


    She was partway down when she spotted the glow of a candle as another small man ascended the stairs.


    There was nowhere to duck off to the side, and the little man was surely going to be walking down the center of the staircase, leaving no room to squeeze by him.


    He is short.


    Caitlyn put her hands and feet on either side of the narrow staircase and lifted herself up, gluing her back to the ceiling.


    The midget turned the corner, spilling light on the empty staircase where she¡¯d been. He carried on without incident, his head inches away from brushing against a low hanging foot.


    Once he was past, Caitlyn silently lowered herself to the ground and followed the stairs to the bottom. The room beyond was an empty study, and she crept out into it, smelling aging books.


    Find my badge, escape to the Fertility. Find leverage, use that to assure my safety. Find a way out. Use it. If all else fails, return to the room after four hours.


    This room she found herself in was the second most likely one to have her badge, as the spies could have simply deposited it in the cabinet or on the bookshelf after stealing it from the room above.


    She scanned the room, adjusting transparency to see inside the cabinets and furniture. No such luck. She¡¯d have to explore the castle proper.


    Caitlyn reaffirmed her mission statement as she entered the hall a floor lower than her current prison, dialing the transparency up to see where all the people were on this floor.


    The floor was relatively quiet. Cailtyn made out a dozen people sleeping, a couple having sex, one reading, one masturbating. In the far corner of the building was a man standing up, talking to the air.


    Normally, Caitlyn might take a moment to peer in on these private moments, but she was in a rush.


    She looked up, more of the same. Down too.


    The servants had all called it a day, and the halls were quiet. All she needed to do now was find her property or find her way out.


    Caitlyn turned the opacity up, giving her a better idea of walls and line of sight, while still being able to tell what the people were doing inside their rooms.


    She began carefully inspecting the contents of the rooms to see if she could find her purloined teleportation badge. The most likely place was a vault of some kind, but she probably wouldn¡¯t have much luck getting to it.


    I need to add a feature that lets me make specific objects glow, Caitlyn thought as she contended with the uniform transparency of the walls, trying to adjust the range and intensity so she could see through the walls, but not through the rooms themselves. She was already running into the limitations of her toy.


    After a few minutes she decided to ignore any room someone was sleeping in, as the servant¡¯s quarters didn¡¯t have anything of interest.


    The Corio talking to air was in a much bigger room, though, pacing back and forth, his head turning to follow something as he nursed what looked like a glass of wine.


    Cailtyn scanned the rest of the floor, and failing to see anything, decided to creep closer. Maybe something interesting was going on that she could capitalize on.


    As she came closer, Caitlyn began to be able to see what the corio was talking to: a floating worm with tendrils extending outward.


    That¡¯s¡­What the hell is that? I want to hear what they¡¯re saying.


    Her earring began giving her sound captured straight from the air vibrations in the room.


    ¡°My lord doesn¡¯t mean to offend,¡± The placating voice wasn¡¯t from the pacing corio, and must have been from the worm.


    Caitlyn frowned and changed the settings to ignore the wall in front of her, but not pierce any further.


    ¡°Of course he means to offend,¡± the corio snapped, his nudity gradually replaced with the blue and white robes of ¨C Caitlyn stifled a gasp. The history books were filled with depictions of blue-horned men in robes exactly like that, coming down from the heavens to offer the scepter of rulership to The Founder.


    The Dan Ui, Garth calls them.


    The worm, though, was even stranger. As Caitlyn brought the opacity of non-living material back up, a body faded into view, a corio man that Caitlyn recognized as the blustery Kublem fellow with the hooked staff.


    ¡°I am the caretaker of this planet, and any notion to the contrary is ridiculous. Tell your lord I¡¯ll see him at once. Better yet, tell me where he is and he¡¯ll see me right now.


    ¡°The loss of Culdavera has been a national tragedy, and taken a great toll on its leadership¡­ Perhaps our honored guest could wait until morning?¡±


    The Dan Ui member lashed out and clamped a hand around Kublem¡¯s neck, forcing the little corio off his feet.


    ¡°Listen to me, you little shit, Elder Nayeba has divined a being of catastrophic significance has touched down on this planet, and your little mountain is just the start. I¡¯ve got eleven other world leaders to get to today before I¡¯m done, so where. Is. He?¡±


    The choking corio let out a grin and began to melt around the Dan-Ui¡¯s hand.


    The man let out a shout and tried to pull his hand away, but it was stuck fast. A fraction of a second later, the clan member coated his palm with a force blade and decisively cut off his own hand, barely avoiding a bloody, gnashing ribcage that aimed to capture him.


    ¡°It¡¯s you,¡± the corio whispered, stemming the bleeding with a white light from his good hand.


    ¡°It¡¯s me.¡± The corio¡¯s chest cavity said as the smiling head tilted back.


    I think now is a good time to go, Caitlyn thought, turning to leave with all haste. At this point she¡¯d rather take her chances jumping out the window and disappearing into the city.


    The door crashed open, and the Dan Ui member sprinted down the hall at top speed, like a man who hadn¡¯t had his arm chopped off.


    Unfortunately, Caitlyn was still invisible, and the Corio crashed into her with a staggering amount of force, toppling to the ground.


    The corio was starting to float into the air when a massive¡­thing dropped down from the ceiling, pinning him to the floor.


    ¡°Hel-¡° the amorphous thing slapped a pseudopod over the corio¡¯s mouth.


    ¡°Shhh,¡± it said with audible sadistic glee. ¡°People are trying to sleep.¡±


    The Dan-Ui member thrashed, and summoned mana to himself, but it was all torn to shreds by the waves of power rolling off the creature. It¡¯s pseudopod turned into thin tentacles that began to drill their way beneath the Corio¡¯s skin.


    ¡°I¡¯ll have to get rid of Kublem, but I think the caretaker of the entire planet is a nice catch, don¡¯t you?¡±


    The creature had a blunt face, almost lizardlike, with a row of saw teeth peeled back in a grin. It had two enormous nostrils that sucked in the air, expanding and contracting as it breathed.


    ¡°Speaking of nice catches¡­¡± It said, it¡¯s nostrils expanding as it breathed in with a shudder. ¡°I never expected to find my favorite food on this planet. Spying on me.¡±


    Caitlyn looked down. The collision had revealed her.


    She tried to get her feet under her, but another creature leapt out of the first one¡¯s back and was on her before she could blink, peering into her eyes.


    ¡°Wait,¡± Caitlyn tried to beg for her life, but it stopped her.


    ¡°Shhh, I¡¯m kinda trying to maintain a low profile here,¡± it said, clapping a bloody hand over her mouth.


    she tried to move, to thrash, to summon mana toward her, but she was just as helpless as the twitching corio.


    ¡°Wait a minute.¡± The creature muttered taking a deep sniff of her hair.


    ¡°You smell like¡­¡±


    The creature peered down at her with a golden eye. ¡°Are you Garth¡¯s apprentice? Nod for yes, shake your head for no.¡±


    Caitlyn nodded.


    ¡°Aww, man, I knew it. My favorite food practically delivers itself to me, and it¡¯s got my brother¡¯s name on it. Do you know how hard it is not to raid the fridge? Ah well, according to the unwritten rules of clone etiquette, I¡¯ve gotta let you go¡­unless you want me to eat you?


    Caitlyn shook her head vigorously.


    ¡°Fine,¡± the monster said sulkily, taking its hands off her and prowling back over to the shivering Corio corpse that was beginning to move of its own accord.


    ¡°You should avoid parading that delicious meat around me, though,¡± The monster said as it climbed the wall, disappearing into the darkness of the high ceiling, hauling the Dan Ui member with him.


    ¡°I have poor self-control.¡±


    ***Garth***


    Garth¡¯s eyes snapped open to the shouting of a dozen men and the rumbling of the earth. Outside his mosquito net, Garth saw where the rumbling was coming from: Woody was pulverizing giant carnivorous beetles the size of Volkwagons as they slowly shoved their way through Garth¡¯s warding spell.


    ¡°Surge started,¡± Alicia said as she jumped out the other side of the bed, wielding the wand he¡¯d made for her and wearing a feral grin.


    Garth yawned and slipped off the side of the bed, putting his slippers on and wiggling his toes.


    He wasn¡¯t in a hurry.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 215: The Surge

    Maren¡¯s fist plowed through a chitinous face, coving the cultivator to the elbow in gore.


    ¡°Heaven¡¯s falling Strike!¡± he shouted, pulling a quick flip and crashing his heel down on another beetle, ending its life as his foot went through its central nervous system.


    ¡°Did he just scream out the name of his attack?¡± Garth muttered as he fixed himself a juicy, caffeine-laced fruit for breakfast, squeezing it into a mug as he blinked the sand out of his eyes. Followed by a bit of magically generated pop-rocks, and Garth had a somewhat fizzy drink to wake up.


    He knocked the delicious brew back while the twelve bodyguards leapt into action, destroying the overwhelming numbers of beetles with relative ease.


    In some misguided attempt to compete with Maren, Alicia started naming her attacks.


    ¡°Sky¡¯s fury!¡± she shouted, casting a regular old Lightning Bolt on one of the bugs.


    I need to teach her Recursive spell techniques so she can cast chain lighting, Garth made a mental note, reaching into his pocket and hitting her clicker right on the red X.


    No apprentice of mine is gonna shout out fancy names while they attack.


    Alicia gasped as she was hit by a sudden wave of anxiety that was gone as quickly as it came. Her brain looked around for a reason, and settled on embarrassment. She blushed and went back to fighting, thankfully without trying to impress her rival with cool names.


    The fighting style of the native population was largely physical, dispatching the creatures with fists, feet, hammers and blades. There was even a second tier archer who used condensed mana for arrows, just a hop skip and a jump away from being a wizard.


    Garth took another drink, watching his apprentice work.


    Alicia¡¯s skill has grown tangibly in the last couple days just from having a rival. I had thought Caitlyn and Alicia could be each other¡¯s foils, but the girls are just interested in different things.


    What would a rival for Caitlyn look like? Me, maybe?


    Garth did share a certain taste for building things and a lack of respect for people¡¯s privacy. Only problem was it would take her years to catch up.


    Maybe not, after she got to third tier.


    ¡°You¡¯re doing great,¡± Garth said, giving Alicia a thumbs-up as he sipped on his lumpy, bubbling breakfast.


    Did I leave my pants under the covers or did they slide off into the mud? Garth thought as he inspected the ground around his slippered feet.


    One of the beetles slid between Woody¡¯s fists, smashed through the queen-sized bed behind him and latched its slicing mandibles onto Garth¡¯s neck.


    ¡°Ack!¡± Garth was suddenly lifted off his feet, feeling the creature¡¯s razor sharp mouth-bits slide through his toughened skin and scrape against his strengthened bone. The bio-armored veins and windpipe squished out of the way. All in all, Garth only sustaining minor damage to the meat of his neck.


    Now that I think of it, how much does Alicia know about me being immortal¡­ish? It was just Caitlyn who¡¯d seen the tree in action, right?


    The bug thrashed him violently from side to side before it slammed him down to the ground in a rough sideways plow, trying ineffectively to bite off his head.


    Garth almost spilled his drink.


    ¡°Garth!¡± tremendous a bolt of lightning vaporized the creature¡¯s face, forcing it to let go of him as it died.


    Alicia landed beside him in a panic, turning Garth¡¯s limp body over on its back.


    ¡°Garth! Oh, Kolath!¡± she recoiled from the massive cuts on either side of his neck, and the blood slowly oozing out of the wounds. On a normal human, a double neck wound that deep was pretty lethal.


    ¡°Alicia,¡± Garth rasped.


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°My last request¡­¡±


    ¡°No, you¡¯re not gonna die. I¡¯ll get the Rod of Love. You¡¯re gonna be okay.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s too late for that now,¡± Garth said, stopping her hand as she reached for his Status Band. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta promise me something.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Promise me!¡±


    ¡°Anything!¡± She said, tears forming in her eyes.


    ¡°Sit on my face.¡±


    ****


    ¡°You promised to sit on my face, not burn it off.¡±


    ¡°I can do both,¡± Alicia said with a shrug as Garth peeled away carbonized skin from his face. His teeth were cracked, so he¡¯d have to pull them to make room for new ones, and it might take all day for his lips to come back with all the cauterized flesh around.


    Some people just couldn¡¯t handle practical jokes.


    ¡°Gimme some sugar baby.¡± Garth said, clacking his charred teeth together as flesh slowly regrew on his skull. That Gorn mana must give it some serious anti-regeneration abilities.


    ¡°Garth, why didn¡¯t you ¨C holy Hajiira!¡± Maren said as he came face to face with a skull with blackened flesh and two perfectly good eyeballs staring at him.


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked, his words slightly messed up from lack of lips.


    ¡°Umm¡­the Surge has begun. The Hildaven flower should be blooming for the next twenty-four hours. We¡¯re going to leave camp here and begin searching the swamp in earnest. We don¡¯t have time to pack up. We¡¯ll meet back here in about twenty hours then make a dash for the city with everyone who¡¯s left.¡±


    ¡°Right. Apprentice.¡± Garth turned to Alicia.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    She didn¡¯t need a reason to compete, but it would be fun.


    ¡°If you get more Hildaven flowers than Maren, I¡¯ll teach you how to make lightning that makes little babies that seek out their own targets. If you fail, I¡¯ll punish you with A.P. Lit.¡±


    Without waiting for any further input, Alicia paled and dashed away, leaving them behind in the forest alive with spawning monsters.


    Garth cleared his throat. ¡°A.P. Lit it is.¡± He turned to face Maren. ¡°What does the Hildaven flower look like and where does it grow?¡± Learn to ask questions, padawan.


    ¡°It¡¯s a white flower with yellow and brown streaks, about the size of my palm.¡± Maren said, holding out his palm. ¡°It creates a shimmering gold field with its pollen that keeps out everything except for its Guardian beast.¡±


    ¡°That sounds important.¡±


    ¡°Every Hildaven flower comes with a Guardian beast to protect it.¡±


    ¡°That sounds contrived.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that eight hundred years ago, I hear.¡± Maren said with a shrug. ¡°Guardian beasts just started showing up. Only a few at first, but then more and more. The death toll from gathering Hildaven slowly rose, until today.¡±


    That¡¯s weird. Did the Dan-Ui put the Guardians in place to prevent over-picking or what? Everything about that screams artificial¡­


    ¡°Thanks, I¡¯ll see you guys in twenty hours.¡±


    ¡°I know you¡¯re strong, Garth, but are you sure you want you and your apprentice to be out there by yourselves? It¡¯s dangerous out there, and the Hildaven flowers are treacherous.¡±


    ¡°Adversity builds character.¡±


    Garth lifted himself into the air and took off, heading west south west, cruising through the swamp at full speed, landscape teeming with writhing beetles sliding by underneath him.


    After about three hours of straight flight, Garth came across a strange depression of land, where the swamp water poured down like a miniature Niagra falls. No matter how long Garth watched it, the water level in the depression didn¡¯t seem to rise, leaving the solitary island in the center dry.


    It was then he noticed the faint golden shimmer of pollen on the air.


    This seems like a trap, Garth thought to himself as he flew toward the island.


    You don¡¯t find flowers on the center of an island perfectly situated in some kind of fountain, you find them growing on the side of a random stand of trees, half-hidden from the road by a leaning log.


    As Garth approached, he spotted a Hildaven flower growing from a brown vine wrapped around a stump in the center of the island.


    Like a goddamn sword in the stone. There was obviously some kind of intelligence behind the placement.


    Garth landed next to it, eyeing the flower. It kinda looked like a Lily, with big petals that curled away from the central style.


    ¡°Okaay, you¡¯ve lured me into your trap. Let¡¯s do this thing.¡± Garth called out, looking around.


    A fifty-foot ugly brown snake burst out of the murky water, glaring down at him from above.


    ¡°Hello there,¡± Garth said, hands in his pockets. ¡°I don¡¯t suppose I could talk to whoever built this obvious deathtrap?¡±


    It hissed at him, drawing in red mana and mixing it with the harsh sound on the way out.


    Wait, red means ¨C


    Before Garth could finish his thought, his mind was overwhelmed by sheer panic, an emotion he hadn¡¯t tasted in the better part of eight hundred years.


    I¡¯ve never seen something that big, I need to get out of here right now! Garth thought, turning on his heel and running for the water, making a spectacular jump before landing in the waist-deep water, which began to eat away at his legs.


    Red means mind control.


    Garth¡¯s heart slammed twice in his chest before it began to slow. He did a quick scan of his mind, and didn¡¯t find any staples or constructs messing with his head.


    The red mana wasn¡¯t establishing any sort of long term control, it was just reaching directly into his amygdala to instill temporary panic, enough to make him¡­


    Garth looked down at his legs bubbling under the acid concentrated by the waterfall.


    Do something really stupid.


    The snake was already coming for him. Its gigantic coils made the entire circle of water ripple, causing Garth to stumble as one of the creature¡¯s coils he was standing on moved from under his feet.


    Seems like a good time to fly away and re-consider stepping into an obvious trap.


    Garth slipped the fly spell around himself and shot out of the acid, hurtling into the air.


    I think I¡¯ll come back later and rain a wooden missile salvo down on the big bastard. That¡¯ll teach him.


    Mana condensed around the Lily atop the stump before bursting forward and shredding Garth¡¯s Fly spell to shreds. One second he was hurtling up, in a controlled ascent. The next, Garth¡¯s limbs were flailing as he drew a perfect arc through the air, toward the giant snake¡¯s open maw.


    Huh, it¡¯s got esophageal teeth, Garth¡¯s brain had a stray thought as he fell toward the ravenous maw.


    Garth formed a Lantern in his left hand, snapping into place as a sphere of muted color around him. The vine¡¯s attempt to disrupt his casting was torn apart and added to the shining golf-ball in his left hand.


    Garth wrapped himself in another Fly, pulling away from the teeth, but not before leaving a little present.


    Fusilade.


    Garth created a wooden missile with enough oomph to blow the snake¡¯s head clean off, aiming it straight at the creature¡¯s open mouth.


    A nearly nonsensical gust of haphazard-looking space mana erupted from the vine, warping space in a wave that intersected with the simple firework.


    Garth blinked twice as he saw the snake distort around the missile as space folded, making a straight line meaningless. The missile veered off and blew up a distant tree with a concussive detonation.


    I gotta get my Lantern in range of that fuckin¡¯ flower.


    As soon as he had that thought, the snake charged, aiming to force him away from its ward.


    ¡°I don¡¯t suppose ¨C Garth grunted as the snake slammed into his wooden shield, nearly gagging on the piece of ironwood.


    ¡°You¡¯d be willing to talk this out,¡± Garth said, prompting spikes to grow from the shield.


    The snake threw its head to the side, dislodging the shield before it could do any damage.


    ¡°I just want to eat your unborn children.¡±


    Wow, it sounds kinda evil when I say it like that.


    ¡°Nothing?¡± Garth asked as the snake glared at him. It hissed again, the red mana torn apart and added to his Lantern


    There¡¯s a bit of a problem using just enough force to kill the snake, without damaging the flower¡­and how the fuck does it know how to counterspell?


    A fraction of a second later, a giant tail swept down from behind him, cracking Garth on the crown of his skull and sending his body hurtling down into the concentrated acid.


    Garth¡¯s Lantern popped out of existence like a bulb burning out when he hit the water hard enough to create a crater around himself. His skin began to bubble violently as the acid flooded back in.


    Before Garth could get his feet under him or recreate his Lantern, his whole body was wrapped in a wall of muscle and forced to the bottom of the water.


    Dick move.


    Then Garth Felt a Lantern wash over him, sucking away all the mana around him.


    Okay, that¡¯s it.


    Garth let out a furious bubble of effort as he shifted his arm up to his shoulder and tapped his badge.


    The doodle was muffled by the water, but he heard it.


    Beam me up, Bel!


    Captain, with you in such close proximity with a living creature, it¡¯s hard to lock on to your signal. If we try now, we may experience a catastrophic transporter accident, resulting in your death.


    I told you to say that for dramatic effect in case I was ever wrestling a lizard creature, but seriously, teleport me now, this thing¡¯s squeezing the purple outta me!


    Fiiine.


    Garth made a desperate bid to regain control of the mana around himself, trying to wrestle it away from whatever had him in a magic-free zone. He felt the tiniest shift in the air as electricity began to sizzle around him.


    The battery inside the badge discharged, hauling Garth into space.


    Along with his snake.


    Did the flower or whoever was responsible, add the snake to my teleport?


    Concentrated acid spilled out of the transporters, sending smoke rising from every surface as it began eating away at the platform.


    The snake that had stubbornly followed Garth through space continued mindlessly tightening around him.


    He took the opportunity to grab some mana from the environment and created poisonous thorns that erupted out from the spores across his skin.


    The snake hissed and released him, it¡¯s mind-altering sound sending the spectators running in fear, all except for Garth.


    ¡°Not so tough without your cockamamie flower, are ya?¡± Garth said, funneling mana inward.


    Fusillade


    A hundred arrows the size of full grown bamboo leapt forward under their own power, filling the transporter room with even more smoke as they perforating the giant snake, pinning it to the wall.


    The giant snake struggled weakly for a moment before it died.


    Garth panted as he eyed the monstrosity, then cast his gaze around the room.


    Acid had etched the transporter pad, which was fine, because it was a decorative layer over the actual guts of the transporter. The neatly trimmed grass around the transporter had been blackened by acid, and smoke clouded the air.


    Bell was at the transport station, her eyes wide, hand held over the button, frozen in terror. The people of the tribe who¡¯d been in the room were standing at the exit, peering in.


    Halo gave him a ¡®okay¡¯ emoji.


    Garth cleared his throat and glanced at the giant snake oozing blood onto the grass, then the deep pits in the teleporter¡¯s fa?ade, and finally the burned grass. ¡°I expect this all to be cleaned up by the time I get back.¡±


    Bel shook herself out of her stupor. ¡°Boo!¡± she threw an acorn at him.


    ¡°Teleport me back a hundred feet above..


    Wait, poison mist. Goddamn.


    ¡°Scratch that, teleport me back twenty feet above where you got me, and a hundred feet to the south.¡±


    Should be plenty to avoid whoever¡¯s Lantern was fucking with me.


    ¡°You bring nothing but trouble.¡± Bell said with a sigh.


    ¡°I gave you life!¡± Garth shouted, pointing at Bell before she gave him a mischievous grin and hit the button.


    Garth reappeared in midair in an unfamiliar part of the swamp.


    He caught himself with Fly, then cast his gaze around until he relocated the shallow depression hosting his flower.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Garth said, creating a Lantern in his left fist. ¡°Let¡¯s see what you got, flower.¡±


    Geez, I sure hope Alicia¡¯s still alive.


    Garth approached the flower and was shocked to discover a light at the center of the bulb, where the all the mana in the shallow depression was gathering.


    That plant made a Lantern.


    That plant made a Lantern.


    I don¡¯t know if I should congratulate it, or brew it into a tea.


    It wasn¡¯t a great lantern, as Garth flew in close, his began gobbling up the flower¡¯s with minimal ground lightning, which would be present if the struggle was intense.


    Garth landed and leaned in close and studied the flower that was even then trying to mass mana toward itself. Garth had made plants with magical effects, but Garth always assumed creating a Lantern required a thinking being.


    There was a time when people thought building a car required a thinking being, then came the first fully automated factories.


    Or the flower might just be a thinking creature.


    It had counterspelled him, twice.


    ¡°Hello?¡± Garth said, giving the flower a nudge, noting the tiny cloud of golden spores that rose from it at his touch. He squatted low and began studying the thing.


    ¡°Are you alive?¡± Garth whispered before tilting his head, putting his eyeball less than an inch away from the pale petals, watching for some kind of sign.


    ¡°Can you understand me?¡±


    ¡°It cannot, but we can.¡± Came a deep voice from behind him. Garth peered over his shoulder and saw that the depression he knelt in was surrounded by little green men.


    Not goblin little green¡­ more like rhino. They were much wider than they were long, with a single horn jutting out above their nose. Three feet tall linebackers with rhino horns. They were wearing a strange combination of leather and chiton, their exposed skin was covered in scars, and all their staves seemed to be made of living wood.


    ¡°Huh.¡± Garth stood and examined the creatures.


    ¡°Are you the ones responsible for all of this?¡± Garth motioned at the flower and the swamp in general.


    ¡°We are,¡± one of the ones with the fanciest wooden staff said, eyeing Garth with a murderous scowl.


    ¡°I know it makes me sound like an entitled jackass,¡± Garth said, ¡°But how much do I have to pay you for three blooms and to teach me your tricks?¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 216: Tasty Book Trade

    ¡°So,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°So.¡± The wide little green man with the rhino horn said, scowling at him. Garth was starting to think that it was fixed there, like grumpy cats looked grumpy without meaning to. A racial case of Resting Furious Face.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think you should do something about your apprentice?¡± he asked, pointing at Garth. ¡°You almost died.¡±


    ¡°Naah,¡± Garth said, glancing around the little wooden cottage with knots for windows. They reminded Garth of Yoda¡¯s hut. Matter of fact, if the shaman sitting in front of him was a lot wrinkly-er, and didn¡¯t have a giant nose-horn, he might fit the part.


    ¡°She¡¯s gonna be fine.¡± Garth said, studying the walls. ¡°Ever since I became semi-mortal, I¡¯ve slacked on safety¡­a lot. She doesn¡¯t have that luxury. She should be fine.¡±


    ¡°Suit yourself.¡±


    There was a series of flashes of light that caught their attention, pouring in the windows and punctuated by the squelch of Woody crushing an eliokamph.


    ¡°We heard you try to negotiate with the Hildaven flower. You¡¯re the first person to do that. Why?¡±


    ¡°People haven¡¯t seen intelligent plants before?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°The Hildaven is not intelligent.¡± The shaman said with a shrug.


    ¡°I find that fascinating.¡± Garth said, leaning closer. ¡°because it did things that I would only attribute to ¨C¡°


    The thunder hit the cottage from wherever Alicia was fighting, fifteen seconds of solid explosion noises.


    Garth and the green shaman thing patiently waited for the sound to face.


    ¡°Things I could only attribute to ¨C¡°


    More thunder poured in through the windows.


    ¡°A thinking creature.¡±


    ¡°The Hildaven is¡­¡± the shaman chewed his words for a moment. ¡°The lifeblood of our race.¡±


    ¡°I suppose that makes me taking one a problem.¡±


    ¡°Not at all.¡±


    ¡°Come again?¡±


    ¡°You earned it.¡±


    Garth cocked his head to the side. ¡°Are you¡­working with the Dan Ui, to test people?¡±


    The little green man shook his head. ¡°We find the Dan Ui and the Inner spheres abhorrent. We don¡¯t work with them. we simply do what we have to do to survive.¡±


    ¡°Explain.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯ll just give you the entire history of my people,¡± The shaman growled. ¡°Because you asked so nicely.¡±


    ¡°Would some drugs help?¡± Garth asked, summoning a tablespoon of cocaine on the coffee table.


    ¡°Your magic is different than ours,¡± The shaman said, eyeing the narcotic.


    ¡°I know. That¡¯s why I¡¯m interested in you. I¡¯m willing to trade my knowledge for yours. Maybe a Mythic Core thrown in?¡±


    The shaman dipped a finger in the powder curiously.


    ¡°Just rub it in your gums until your mouth turns numb. That¡¯s how you know it¡¯s working.¡±


    ***


    ¡°So then the prophet Emian figured out a way for us to live on our own. He guided the Goldba ¨C we¡¯re called Golba, by the way ¨C to live in the swamps, using the swamp-dwellers as our guide.¡±


    The Shaman ¨C Hurk ¨C was pacing back and forth, talking at high speeds and telling Garth everything he wanted to know. Hopefully the old man¡¯s heart didn¡¯t give out. Garth may have neglected to give the man Geriatric coke.


    ¡°So everyone moved to the swamps to escape the incursion of strange people from other worlds.¡±


    ¡°Aliens.¡±


    ¡°Aliens, yes. Well, it wasn¡¯t long before these aliens found out about the Hildaven. We used the Hildaven for Vision Quests, but once the Kipling came, it began unlocking memories buried in our very soul.


    ¡°Really.¡±


    ¡°Oh yes, and these aliens coveted it. They began delving deep into our last safe haven every seven years, huge expeditions of them, slowly thinning out the Hildaven and pushing the swamp back. They started building farms and castles, pushing the Great swamp back when the Hildaven was gone from an area. We didn¡¯t think much of it at first, but the prophet was all like, ¡®where does it end?¡¯ and he shared his vision with us, and we were all like, ¡®holy shit, this is going to consume us,¡¯ so we did the only thing we could and ¨C¡°


    Hurk stopped mid-pacing and took the glass of water that Garth held outstretched, knocking back the entire thing in a few huge gulps.


    ¡°Ahh, thank you. Where was I?¡±


    ¡°The only thing you could do.¡± Garth said, rolling himself a cigar with magic boosting properties.


    ¡°Right, we realized that while the Hildaven is the reason they¡¯re encroaching, it¡¯s also the reason they¡¯re not simply filling the great swamp and wiping us out. So we found a balance.¡±


    ¡°You made getting the drug harder.¡± Garth said, lighting his cigar and taking a few puffs before practicing his smoke rings.


    ¡°Exactly. It took thousands of years, but we did it. So slowly that no one noticed, we made the swamp poisonous, we made the monsters, the surge, we made the Hildaven protect itself.¡±


    The Shaman flopped back down in his chair.


    ¡°But not¡­¡± he trailed off, his eyes darting to the window. ¡°But not so difficult that the Dan Ui would come down and sort things out. If anything they¡¯re¡­¡± Hurk scowled, ¡°Appreciative, of the things we¡¯ve done. Made it sustainable.¡±


    ¡°So you do work with them,¡± Garth said, taking a hit.


    ¡°Everything we did was to ensure our people¡¯s survival. Were there a way to do that and tear Dragus¡¯s heart from his chest and banish his clan from this world, we would do that.¡±


    ¡°You know Dragus?¡± Garth asked, smoke escaping from his lips as he tried to speak and keep the smoke in.


    ¡°Naw, I know of him. He¡¯s a household name. You?¡±


    ¡°I got killed by him once when they took over my planet,¡± Garth said, exhaling and passing the cigar over. ¡°Before I became a household name.¡±


    ¡°Hah,¡± the Shaman blinked a couple times, the smoke rising from between his fingers as he stared at Garth. ¡°You¡¯re serious?¡±


    ¡°Semi-mortal, remember?¡± Garth said. ¡°Take a very small hit, hold it in your mouth a moment, then exhale and pass it back. I¡¯m highly resistant to poison, so my cigars kick like a mule. You should get enough through your mucus membranes.¡±


    Hurk swished the smoke around like a man using mouthwash, then puffed the remaining toward the window.


    ¡°Tastes all right, but I¡¯m not¡­nevermind.¡± He glanced back at Garth with unfocused eyes. ¡°What an odd sensation. I¡¯m literally tasting mana right now.¡±


    ¡°Mmn..¡± Garth said, putting the cigar back in his mouth and holding his hand above the table.


    With a soft rush of displaced air, the tome of knowledge Garth had collected about plant magic settled on the coffee table scattering some of the cocaine off the side.


    ¡°It¡¯s wizard-weed.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Hurk said, tearing his gaze away from his own hands.


    ¡°Long time ago, I had the idea for weaponized Synethesia. You know how some people can hear or see numbers? And all they have to do to solve problems is make them look or sound right?¡±


    ¡°I¡­have no idea what you¡¯re talking about.¡±


    ¡°Think of it this way.¡± Garth said, tapping the side of his skull. ¡°The parts of your brain that interpret taste and smell have been temporarily rewired to boost your ability to process mana. Takes some getting used to, the side effect is you taste and smell it, and sometimes it¡¯s pretty rank until you figure out how to do the spell right. But it is faster.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough.¡± Hurk said, reaching under the coffee table and opening a hidden panel buried in the floor. He retrieved a book bound in ancient wooden planks and written on leather. Green leather. Ew. Use what you got, I guess.


    ¡°The techniques that my people used to build the Great Swamp as you know it today. I believe you mentioned a Mythic Core?¡±


    Garth took a Mythic core out of his Status Band and set it on top of his book.


    ¡°All the knowledge I¡¯ve gained about plant manipulation, from common and uncommon techniques used by the Inner spheres, to self-created ones, drugs, a few seed samples, and two techniques I learned from a goddess. And¡­one Mythic Core.¡±


    Garth had to add the Mythic Core as a guarantee of good faith, because from the other man¡¯s point of view, he could be totally scamming him. The Mythic Core meant Garth wanted it as bad as he said he did.


    The two wizards slid their books across the table and carefully picked the other¡¯s up, reclined backward and began reading.


    ***


    Caitlyn found herself in a black room, in the center of a circular table that seemed to be made from a single piece of wood.


    There were strange giants seated around the table¡­Three of them.


    One looked familiar.


    ¡°Hi, Caitlyn!¡± The large brown woman with the titanic breasts said, waving merrily.


    ¡°Bel?¡±


    ¡°Sure!¡±


    Caitlyn frowned ¡°Where exactly am I?¡±


    ¡°You went to sleep after sneaking back to your room,¡± a woman in a tight black leather dress said, steepling her fingers. ¡°We brought you here.¡±


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t an incredible show, but you did learn some things nobody else knew,¡± A stout woman with a buzz-cut and a false eye said, ¡°And you did it with my kind of style, rather than brute strength. And luck.¡±


    ¡°A whole lot of luck.¡± The wall to Caitlyn¡¯s right said, drawing an involuntary yelp out of her. Where she thought the seats ended was a wall¡­with a hole in it, with one eye peeking out at her.


    Apparently there were four people here, and one was¡­watching her from behind a wall with a hole in it.


    ¡°But where is here?¡±


    ¡°An in-between space, where we offer Patronage. You, Caitlyn Mcdonnell, tickle our fancy.¡± The woman in black said, her ruby lips drawing a seductive smile.


    ¡°You¡¯re too much of a coward for most of the other gods,¡± The stout woman said. ¡°Or they¡¯re too afraid of Kolath and Nyssa to come forward. I don¡¯t demand blind courage from my Apostles, though, only innovation.¡±


    ¡°Gods¡­¡± Caitlyn said, the hair standing up on her neck and arms. ¡°Apostles?¡±


    ¡°Oh right,¡± the eight foot tall brown woman said. ¡°Garth didn¡¯t tell you anything. That Amulet he put on your neck was to get our attention. And your sneaking around at night got offers from these Gods, for apostleship. If you accept, they will give you their blessings in exchange for some of your power.¡±


    ¡°You watched everything I did after he put on the amulet?¡± Caitlyn asked, feeling her skin slowly heat up, her stomach sink. There were a few things that she¡¯d done with the amulet on that she¡¯d rather not anyone see, ever, especially not all the gods at once.


    ¡°I always watch everything.¡± The voice from the other side of the wall said.


    ¡°Now Tom, don¡¯t upset her. Dear, your perving on the men in the guard¡¯s showers is a perfectly natural expression of your species¡¯ desire to breed,¡± Beladia said in a comforting tone, but her words only made Caitlyn sink down and curl in on herself.


    ¡°It was pretty hot.¡± The woman in black leather said. ¡°Pity you didn¡¯t take it further and offer to wash their backs.¡±


    Desperate for one god that wasn¡¯t a wretched pervert, Caitlyn glanced over at the stout woman. Maybe she was normal.


    ¡°Rude,¡± Beladia said with a frown.


    ¡°I am Elora, Goddess of Innovation, and I just liked your gadgets,¡± she said, poking herself with a thumb. ¡°The P-90 and the earring were solid work, and I¡¯d like to help you take your craft to the next level. My blessings include Talent, Inspiration, Imbue with Self, and Lucky Logistics.¡±


    Caitlyn breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. Thank the gods she was exceptional in some respect other than her sexual deviance.


    ¡°Oh, come now, we¡¯re not that bad.¡± The woman in black leather said. ¡°I am Munasei, Goddess of Lust, and you know what I want. I offer an empathic cloak that can sway those around you. The ability to keep a clear head no matter the situation. I know it sounds counter intuitive, but it¡¯s best to be the one in control. You could pick an enhanced talent for emotion magic, or the ability to influence people via touch.¡±


    ¡°Tom, God of Voyeurs,¡± the eyeball in the wall said. ¡°I watch people too. My Blessings include unblockable scrying and divination, an aura that normalizes your actions in the minds of others, Mental Fortitude in case you accidently peek on a cosmic horror, and exceptional night vision. ¡±


    Caitlyn glanced down, and spotted a second hole in the wall halfway down to the ground.


    ¡°What¡¯s the second hole for?¡±


    ¡°If you need to ask, you don¡¯t need to know.¡±


    ¡°Unblockable Divination?¡± Caitlyn asked. ¡°What about Pala, the god of Enigma?¡±


    ¡°I know what they look like. Spied on them before.¡±


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯re cosmic laws in place that prevent me from divulging or reproducing information or images of them. Sadly my portfolio doesn¡¯t include the unpreventable transmitting of information, so Pala¡¯s secrets are safe.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± She turned to Elora. ¡°What¡¯s Lucky Logistics?¡±


    ¡°Luck will favor your craft. Spare parts when you need them, packages arrive on time, undamaged, power when you need it, weather and the environment will conspire to allow you to finish your work before the winds begin to howl.¡±


    ¡°Hmmm¡­¡±


    ***Garth***


    ¡°What¡¯s with this Control plants method?¡± Hurk asked, scowling as usual. ¡°It tastes like someone is pulling metal tines down my tongue.¡±


    ¡°Oh, you¡¯re making the pseudo-muscles straight,¡± Garth said, peeking out from under the Golba¡¯s book. ¡°Try weaving them around each other. Experiment.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Yes, that tastes right.¡±


    ¡°I like the way you guys do it, with the microwaves.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± Hurk said, his eyes scanning Garth¡¯s book.


    ¡°Okay, so the thing I¡¯ve been working on, is this¡­¡± Garth said, taking another puff of his cigar before passing it on, turning the book over to show Hurk.


    ¡°The technique you used to create the modern Hildaven flower tastes like a spikey, powder-y nettle with like, chocolate buried deep under the spines, like umm¡­a spiky Ferrero Rocher.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure what that is, but¡­¡± Hurk squinted at the page detailing the mana formation with bloodshot eyes. ¡°The modern Hildaven¡¯s abilities are built on the foundation of its power to tap the soul. That¡¯s why you¡¯re getting two different flavors.¡±


    ¡°Ah, that¡¯s what¡¯s going on,¡± Garth muttered. ¡°tap the soul, tap the soul¡­¡± he wiggled his tongue around as spiky, chalky, and chocolate began to sort themselves out into distinct concepts in his mind.


    Mmm, a pseudo-soul using ambient energy. Tricks mana into responding faster..remote access¡­


    Design Plants proficiency has reached 99%!


    Create Life proficiency has reached 18%!


    Hello there Proficiency numbers, it¡¯s been a long time.


    Flavors and concepts were literally dancing on the tip of Garth¡¯s tongue as he read, the only sound the shuffling of paper. I could do this for days, Garth thought as he studied the spellbook.


    The front door slammed open, revealing Alicia, supporting Maren, the two of them bleeding as they limped into the wooden cottage. They were beat to hell, their clothes torn, parts burnt off by acid, but in her left hand, Alicia clutched two Hildaven flowers.


    ¡°Close the door, you¡¯re letting the hallucinogenic smoke out.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 217: Have a nice Trip

    It was a bit of a shame to crush the pretty white flowers in the process of making the tea, but one did what one must.


    ¡°So what should I expect?¡± Garth asked, blowing on the hot steam coming out of his cup.


    ¡°Expectations are rarely helpful. Just focus on staying relaxed and enjoying yourself.¡± Hurk said, still flipping through Garth¡¯s grimoire.


    ¡°A¡¯ight.¡±


    ¡°I still can¡¯t believe you¡¯re a tier two.¡± Maren said, watching him with narrowed eyes.


    ¡°Tiers are bullshit.¡± Garth said taking a deep drink. The tea had a half dozen other ingredients that combined to make a green slurry that tasted like industrial runoff, in addition to a couple extra ingredients Garth had designed to suppress his super-liver. Garth finished the entire cup and slammed it down before grinning at Maren.


    The young shinta¡¯s wound weren¡¯t incapacitating, so Garth had decided to let him live with the bruises. Alicia had some wounds that seems like they might get infected, so he¡¯d patched her up, and she was currently studying the parts of Hurk¡¯s book that had to do with the weather of the Great Swamp while convalescing


    Garth had kinda skimmed over them, but Alicia seemed pretty interested in making poison clouds. Wonder if Gorn would be cool with that.


    ¡°So, how long does this stuff take to hit?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Five, four three..¡± Garth¡¯s eyebrows went up.


    ¡°Kidding,¡± Hurk said. ¡°It¡¯s like any other edible, it¡¯ll take half an hour or more to hit.¡±


    ¡°Guess that makes sense.¡±


    ¡°Why am I not taking my share?¡± Maren asked, the prince eyeing the empty teapot coated with scum.


    ¡°Because,¡± Hurk said, flipping the page. ¡°We don¡¯t want more than one drugged-out-of-their-mind cultivator at once. It¡¯s best to have plenty of hands on deck for each breakthrough.¡±


    ¡°Wizard.¡± Garth said, suppressing a weird chemical-flavored burp.


    ¡°Wizard.¡±


    Garth sat back and returned to his thoughts, relaxing while he waited for the drugs to work their magic. They sat like that for a while before he started chatting with whoever was listening.


    ¡°I wonder if I could ever get a crack at designing a class. If I could really figure out what the guts of those imprinters look like I might be able to make something a lot better. A real wizard class. None of this archmage stuff.¡±


    ¡°The Golba still have a few left from when the Spheres came.¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± Garth said, waving it off. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t wanna break one of your Imprinters.¡±


    ¡°That was not on offer.¡± Hurk said, eyeing him over the book. ¡°I just want to be clear about that.¡±


    ¡°Anyway, Class imprints have been a subject of fascination for a while,¡± Garth said. ¡°I mean, the gods can do them. is the Imprinter a machine that imprints classes on its own, or is it like an automagical voice-mail system for the gods to stamp people with prefabs?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re getting hard to understand,¡± Hurk said, ¡°I think it might be kicking in.¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± Garth said, squinting at Hurk as his chair slowly slid backwards in the gently swaying house.


    ¡°And another thing. Divine mana. What¡¯s up with that? The gods having their own personal bundle of mana that they can loan out, and it¡¯s completely immune to Lanterns and manipulation? How does that work? As far as I know, Mana is in the environment, right? and you draw it in, shape it, then use it. But a god has to like, have a reservoir of mana that¡¯s¡­bound to them¡­or maybe it is them?¡±


    Garth blinked, glancing down at the floor.


    There was a knot in the floor, a simple piece of the wood that had popped out at some point during the lifetime of the little cabin they were sheltering in. It was a pitch black hole in the floor.


    Garth stopped wiggling in place and really stared at the hole. It seemed to be getting bigger.


    ¡°Are you guys seeing this?¡± Garth asked. No one worth mentioning responded.


    The hole kept widening, bigger and bigger, until it engulfed everything that Garth could see, and everything around him was pitch black.


    ¡°Whoah,¡± Garth said, looking around. It was a lot like the black space where gods offered patronage, but no chairs, no tables, or nothin¡¯.


    In the sides of his vision, he caught little snippets of movement, like other people moving around him, but not quite visible enough to make out. Every time he tried to turn his head, he just missed them.


    As a matter of fact, I can¡¯t turn my head! Garth tried, but his head was locked in place, and the flickers on either side of him started coming faster and faster.


    Am I moving?


    Garth¡¯s suspicions were confirmed when a dot of light in front of him began rapidly expanding. He was on some kind of roller coaster, his shoulders strapped in for the ride!


    ****


    ¡°Is that normal?¡± Alicia asked as Garth lowered himself onto a knothole in the floor, groaning incoherently while peering into it.


    Hurk looked away from experimenting with a bit of kudzu in his hand, glancing at the prostrate purple man gently pawing at the rough wood of the floor.


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ****


    The tiny dot of light slowly grew, revealing white clouds and blue sky, until he exploded out of the black tunnel into a strange townscape. Garth wouldn¡¯t call it a city-scape, as it was the small town he¡¯d lived in prior to the end of the world.


    Mostly. There were a few differences here and there.


    The pizza hut was shining with a beatific light, and the entire building was¡­crispy?


    The roads were shittier. They¡¯d gotten a new pave just the day before the invasion, so that wasn¡¯t how Garth remembered them.


    Waste of tax dollars. Should have known the end of the world was coming.


    Garth reached down and unfastened the harness over his shoulders and stepped out of the roller coaster, which vanished behind him.


    ¡°This is what, a week before the Kipling?¡± Garth muttered to himself.


    He glanced around. ¡°I thought my internal space would be zanier, full of odd non-sequitars, and definitely more filled with repressed sexual desires. Cuz I got plenty of those.¡±


    The sky above him began to warp, turning an ugly red, feeling like it was about to snap.


    ¡°But this is fine.¡± Garth said, holding up a hand and trying to calm whoever was watching. Himself, maybe? Expectations were what shaped this reality, and Garth had decided to expect things to be simple.


    Even though they usually aren¡¯t


    The world wobbled again for a dangerous instant, and Garth took a deep, calming breath.


    Garth cleared his throat and looked around. People he vaguely remembered were going about their business, fading in and out of his muddy awareness, and he couldn¡¯t read a damn thing, all the signs on the walls and dime store buildings kept shifting and changing under scrutiny.


    ¡°A dream then. Not actually back in time. Probably.¡±


    Garth shrugged. Only one way to be sure.


    Whistling, Garth headed down the street, joining the sparse foot traffic as a huge blimp shaped like Sandi flew overhead, her nudity mostly covered by an advertisement for raisin-bran.


    Garth hoofed it to a phone on the side of the drab town police building. He fished out a small handful of skeeball tokens and jammed them into the coin slot until he got a dial tone.


    Garth glanced at the number pad whose numbers seemed to shift and rearrange under his scrutiny.


    ¡°Pathetic.¡± Garth grumbled as he jammed the keypad through muscle memory, not even bothering to look at the numbers. He knew who he was calling, and it wasn¡¯t a series of numbers, it was a feeling¡­an intent.


    The phone rang a couple times, then there was a half-heard click, followed by a woman¡¯s voice.


    ¡°Hello?¡±


    ¡°Hey Nat,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Garth?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, It¡¯s me. You still have that grandpa with the veritable armory and the cabin out in the middle of nowhere?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, what are you¡­¡±


    ¡°Well, you better get there quick, because if I get to you first, I¡¯m going to cut your fucking head off. I know where you live, you bitch.¡±


    Garth slammed the phone down.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s my good deed for this particular acid trip,¡± Garth said, stepping out onto the street comprised of wiggling eels. If Natalie was over at her geriatric, gun-hoarding grandfather¡¯s during the apocalypse, her chances are vastly improved¡­probably.


    Garth wanted to avoid the stupid movie-clich¨¦ where he desperately tried to convince her the end was coming, and she ignored him. Easier and more effective to threaten her life.


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Garth said, inspecting the brown things wiggling under his feet. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t take any more detours. This..whatever the hell it is, is getting weirder.¡±


    The phone behind him rang.


    ¡°Then again¡­¡±


    Garth didn¡¯t exactly have a plan for getting in touch with his soul, so answering a ringing phone was as good a choice as any. Garth walked back up to it and lifted the receiver up to his ear.


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°Hello again Garth, have you ever heard of the term Soul-Death?¡± Garth felt cold air roll off the phone, dripping down onto his shoulder.


    ¡°Oh hey, it¡¯s the shadowy cunt who puppeted my brother for most of a millennia. Do me a favor and off yourself in the most humiliating way possible. Save me a trip. Thanks, pumpkin.¡±


    ¡°Sorry. Can¡¯t. The Hildaven in your system is used for the third tier breakthrough because it weakens the barriers between the soul and the mind, which leaves room for-¡°


    Garth hung up. The eels were starting to encroach, and whoever was on the other end was buying time. The longer he chatted with the asshole, the worse his chances of getting out alive.


    ¡°Time to find my center!¡± Garth said, sprinting out onto the road, too fast for the eels to get a hold of him.


    ***Alicia***


    Garth was laying on his side, his legs twitching like a sleeping dog¡¯s. He was drooling onto the floor as he dreamt about running.


    To something, or away from something? Alicia thought, eying the ancient phytomage. Every once in a while she had a sudden feeling of dread when she looked at him, reinforced by a lifetime of stories that described him as pure, treacherous, evil. The source of humanity¡¯s sins.


    But seeing him twitching on the ground, Alicia had to suppress a giggle. There was no way that was anything more than a man blundering his way through life. A powerful man, maybe, but just a man.


    Garth let out a groan and started humping the air.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t want to see that,¡± Maren said, rolling his eyes and turning away.


    ¡°Here,¡± Alicia said, rolling Garth onto his belly and putting a pillow under him. Garth swiftly began ravishing the pillow in a way that made Alicia tingle¡­just a little bit. She could identify with the pillow, that was for sure.


    ¡°s¡¯ a trick,¡± Garth groaned ¡°Yer na her!¡±


    ¡°Is humping inanimate objects normal?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°Depends on the person, but¡­Yep.¡± Hurk said, seemingly bored.


    ¡°Tell me where it is or I¡¯ll pull out, trickster!¡± Garth shouted, strangely clearly. His arm raised and came down on the floor in a clear spank.


    ¡°Is he¡­¡± Maren said.


    ¡°Fucking an answer out of his spirit guide?¡± Hurk said, turning the page. ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure I want to take the Hildaven now.¡± Maren said, frowning.


    ¡°What? It¡¯s an afternoon of behaving like an idiot in exchange for skipping a lifetime of meditation. What¡¯s the problem?¡± Hurk asked.


    ¡°The problem is ¨C¡°


    The entire house rocked, making wooden cups clatter against each other, dried herbs rustle, and the floor squeak. Their gaze flicked down to the phytomagus on the floor, who seemed to be back to running, his arms and legs twitching.


    ¡°¡¯s comin, ¡®s comin, ¡®s comin!¡±


    The entire house rocked again, shuddering more violently this time.


    ¡°That wasn¡¯t him,¡± Hurk said, standing, his eyes wide with alarm. The wide green man put his palm on the floor and Alicia saw him channel a pulse of mana through the floor.


    ¡°It¡¯s an eruption of Meltoks, right beneath us.¡± Hurk said, his jaw dropping.


    ¡°What the hell are Meltoks-¡°


    ¡°No time, Grab your master and get clear!¡± Hurk said, picking up the two books and running out the door.


    Maren was right behind him, the princeling free of any unconscious bodied.


    ¡°Damn,¡± Alicia muttered, hoisting Garth over her shoulder and sprinting for the exit.


    The  floor swelled up beneath her before the boards between her and the door exploded outward, followed by a flood of gnashing teeth.


    ***848 years ago***


    Natalie lurched out of bed, gasping.


    ¡°Huh?¡± Garth grunted turning his head to face her in the soft blue of the night-light.


    ¡°I just had a dream.¡± Natalie jabbed him in the ribs. ¡°You threatened to cut my head off if I didn¡¯t go over to my grandpa¡¯s house.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s fuckin¡¯ weird.¡± Garth said, rolling over and going back to sleep.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 218: Mantra

    ¡°Well now I know I¡¯m high,¡± Garth said as a scene from the Langoliers dominated the sky above his head. It was as if someone had taken a tv playing either Langoliers or Critters and wrapped it around the entire sky.


    Nothing but rotund bodies with wide mouths and sharp teeth as far as the eye could see.


    ¡°I already figured the eels out, sucker.¡± Garth said, glancing back down at his spirit guide. ¡°You think this is gonna bother me ¨C ow!¡±


    Sandi¡¯s head had been replaced with a huge furry mouth in a horrific alteration to her Lure. The mouth had lunged forward and sunk it¡¯s teeth into his hand, giving him a steady ache in his hand as the teeth scraped against his metacarpals.


    ¡°The hell!¡± Garth said, yanking his hand away and delivering a solid punch to his ex-wife¡¯s newly furry face. He was pretty sure she wasn¡¯t real at this point. Sandi would never bite him¡­except for that one time.


    Garth rolled off the bed and onto a hardwood floor while the mouth creatures in the sky seemed to watch him.


    Strange. It¡¯s almost like they¡¯re real. Garth thought. But they couldn¡¯t be real because they¡¯re obviously behind an invisible barrier in the sky, and I¡¯m totally safe at Hurk¡¯s cabin. Right?


    Actually, come to think of it, every once in awhile, he saw bits and pieces of the cabin between the flood of mouths. A moment later Alicia¡¯s butt stepped in front of him and began pushing the mouth-things back.


    Her butt is really good at shooting lightning, Garth thought idly as he moved his tongue to reel in his senses and dive into a different hallucination. He ran along the inside of his mouth and dived into a saliva divot where they would never find him.


    When Garth blinked again, he was running along a two lane, stretched-out Sandi-road. His spirit guide was elongated until she was entirely unrecognizeable, drawing a path through pitch blackness.


    Garth hoofed it as fast as he could, apologizing when he stepped on a sensitive spot and the entire road shook violently. Garth followed the path winding in an imperceptible circle and down, until finally he was standing in a room¡­


    Not a room exactly, there were no walls, but there was a floor, an ugly dark brown rug that looked like it had seen twenty years of dirt, along with a young kid playing video games with his feet up on the bookshelf that supported the TV in front of him.


    To the kid¡¯s right was a massive vault door that said ¡®Soul Control Room¡¯. It was solid steel, eight feet thick if it was an inch, and completely unsupported by anything. Garth took a moment to lean over and glance around the other side of the vault door. Nothing.


    The only way in was through. Stupid dream-state.


    ¡°Yo, Ghost of Christmas past,¡± Garth said, slapping his younger self on the back of the head. ¡°How do I get in there? My spirit guide gave me the deets after a good humping, but I ain¡¯t gonna do the same to you. You¡¯re gonna get slaps.¡±


    The long-haired kid¡¯s headphones were knocked off by Garth¡¯s casual cuff, and he glanced around with concern before his eyes locked on Garth¡¯s face. The sixteen year old doppleganger¡¯s eyes went wide and he stumbled out of his chair, sending it skittering over the dirt-filled rug and off into the abyss surrounding them.


    ¡°Oh, hey, um, Garth. The kid said, frowning. ¡°What, um¡­what are you doing here so soon? You¡¯re not due until your sixties.¡±


    ¡°Acid trip.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Oh, wow.¡± He looked thoughtful for a moment, until Garth lifted his hand threateningly, causing him to flinch.


    ¡°How do I get in?¡± Garth said, pointing at the vault.


    ¡°Oh, well, umm¡­¡±


    Garth slapped him.


    ¡°Ow, no, it¡¯s not that I don¡¯t want to tell you, I just, well¡­can I start at the beginning?¡±


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    The acne ridden shame of Garth¡¯s teenage years held out a hand. ¡°Hi, I¡¯m the Gatekeeper, the part of you that regulates access to your soul. I um, haven¡¯t really gotten any practice at this before.¡±


    ¡°I see that. How do I get in there?¡±


    ¡°Oh that. Well¡­¡± Teenage him grabbed a notecard from the bookshelf where his grimy feet had been resting only a few moments before.


    A bite mark showed up on Garth¡¯s arm, accompanied by a flare of pain.


    ¡°And if you could hurry it up, that would be cool. I think we¡¯re being eaten by monsters.¡±


    ¡°Okay, umm¡­ it says here you have to open it with an epiphany, which will then become your Mantra.¡±


    ¡°Say what?¡± Garth asked, blinking.


    ¡°You take one of your epiphanies.¡± Young Garth said, making strange motions for some reason, like pulling balls out of a bucket.


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°throw it at the door.¡± He pantomimed throwing it at the vault.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°It becomes your mantra.¡± He pantomimed a¡­halo or something?


    ¡°That makes no sense.¡±


    ¡°Okay, maybe I need¡­¡± The Gatekeeper said, turning toward the bookshelf and thumbing through them.


    Teen Garth¡¯s Call of Duty character got iced while he was looking, exploded by a grenade.


    ¡°Shit. You fucking-¡° the teen Garth picked up his controller with a thunderous expression.


    ¡°There is more important shit happening. I will slap you again.¡± Garth threatened. The Gatekeeper¡¯s eyes widened and he turned back to his book-search.


    ¡°Okay, here,¡± he said as he tugged a slim book out of the shelf.


    ¡°Mantras and you?¡± it was an illustrated kid¡¯s book.


    Garth took the book out of the kids hand and speed-read it. The words shifted and blurred under his gaze, like they would in a dream, but through jitters in his hand, sensations in his tongue, and the way his eyes twitched, somehow they all flowed together into his brain to create tangible information.


    Either that or I¡¯m making it all up.


    Garth dismissed the thought and contemplated what the book had to say.


    Throughout a person¡¯s life, they will have many epiphanies with the potential to shape their life. Most of them don¡¯t, but sooner or later, most people find one to dedicate their life to, whether that be their realized love for their children, their belief that the earth was flat¡­not all epiphanies are true.


    These epiphanies can become a mantra, which, when meditated on long enough, can open the door to the soul.


    Garth¡¯s mind caught on a particular bit of knowledge that lingered in his consciousness like a lump in information-gravy.


    The Mantra further defines the meaning of the person¡¯s existence in the Spheres.


    Garth glanced up at The Gatekeeper.


    ¡°This is the next stage of Class Selection isn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Kinda.¡± The Gatekeeper assented.


    Garth glanced down and spotted a bucket that he¡¯d assumed to be trash a split second ago. it was filled with blue balls.


    Hah, blue balls.


    Garth leaned over and picked it up, handing the book back to Acne-Ridden.


    Garth reached in deep and pulled out a ball. It was made of blue foam like one of those school dodgeballs that fit in the palm of your hand. He turned it in his hand. A sticker on the side had tiny script, and despite this being a dream, the lettering was crisp and clear.


    Magic isn¡¯t real ¨C Garth Daniels, age 12.


    Interesting¡­ I wonder how that would change me. Would it make me worse at magic or better? I¡¯m not going to blindly assume all of these are good for me, so I¡¯ll pass on that epiphany.


    Garth pulled out another.


    Girls are people too. ¨C Garth Daniels, age 23


    Well, that¡¯s embarrassing, Garth thought, tossing that one back.


    All change is precipitated by pain. ¨C Garth Daniels, age 30


    Better, we¡¯ll keep that one in mind, but it might be a little too¡­Pinhead for me.


    Amusingly, religions as a thought-virus follow the basic principles of evolution. ¨C Garth Daniels, age 29


    That one is interesting. Might jell well with my current class and life-attribute leaning.


    Garth pulled it out and held it in his left hand as he continued digging through the bin.


    There was a horrible shriek in the distance as the spiral Sandi-road that led him here caught fire, black flames following the flattened lure toward the little room he was in.


    ¡°That¡¯s not good,¡± Garth muttered, pawing through his lifetime of epiphanies. Most of them where stupid little things that most people realized without having to even think about it, but had never defined.


    ¡°Hurry up,¡± The Gatekeeper said, as Garth pawed through the basket of balls.


    ¡°Can¡¯t rush perfection,¡± Garth said, tossing aside a Movie Meaning realization. If the epiphany was going to shape his future, he wanted it to be basic, powerful, and awesome.


    ¡°We don¡¯t have time! Just use the one you have!¡± Gatekeeper said, pointing at the religion virus in his hand.


    ¡°Nah.¡± Garth said, looking over his shoulder. The road was rapidly being consumed by fire, and he didn¡¯t have time to screw around any more.


    The depth of the balls indicated how recent they were, and his later epiphanies tended to be insightful, but not exactly what he needed.


    Last ball. Garth thought to himself, plunging his hand deep into the bucket and pulling it back out with a childhood epiphany.


    Compound interest is awesome ¨C Garth Daniels, age 8


    Garth was assaulted by a memory, mostly forgotten and buried underneath a mountain of hard feelings, but resurrected by his high Abilities.


    Garth sat in the car while his dad drove away from the bank. ¡°Why is the number so weird? Garth asked, pointing at all the extra cents in his dad¡¯s account statement. ¡°You put full numbers in, right?¡±


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s interest,¡± Garth¡¯s dad said, glancing over at him before returning his eyes to the road.


    ¡°What¡¯s interest?¡±


    ¡°Well, the bank pays out a small percentage to us for keeping our money with them.¡±


    ¡°how much?¡±


    ¡°One point eight percent, I think.¡± He said, his gnarled fingers flicking the turn sign on the aging bronco. He glanced down at Garth. ¡°Every hundred dollars, they pay us one point eight dollars per year.¡±


    ¡°So what if we had a million dollars in the bank?¡± Garth asked, quoting the biggest amount of money he could think of.


    ¡°Well, then they would pay us eighteen thousand dollars a year.¡± His dad said, turning onto the road.


    Garth¡¯s eyes widened, and he glanced between the bank statement and his dad. ¡°Soo¡­if we had a million dollars, You¡¯d never have to work again?¡±


    His dad chuckled. ¡°Not exactly. Eighteen thousand isn¡¯t quite enough to live off of, but it is a huge windfall. I¡¯d rather invest it in a higher paying stock, keep working and let the compound interest build up.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s compound interest?¡±


    ¡°Well, if we didn¡¯t spend that eighteen thousand, what would happen next year?¡± his dad asked. Garth didn¡¯t realize it at the time, but his dad was always trying to get him to think things through.


    ¡°We¡¯d get another eighteen thousand.¡± Garth answered with a shrug.


    ¡°Not quite. You¡¯re forgetting the eighteen thousand we didn¡¯t spend. That¡¯s in the bank too. The interest on that is¡­lets see¡­hundred, thousand, ten thousand¡­ three hundred.. give or take. So the next year you¡¯d be getting eighteen thousand three hundred. Three hundred more than the year before.¡±


    ¡°So after a thousand years, it would be huge.¡± Garth said, extrapolating using big numbers. He¡¯d found it was easier to figure things out if they were bigger.


    ¡°Well, neither of us is going to be here in a thousand years, but yeah. A decent interest rate would probably be in the billions, if not more.¡±


    ¡°Whoah, compound interest is awesome.¡±


    His dad chuckled again, his gold wedding ring catching the light as he turned again.


    Garth went on to try his hand at investing money throughout his childhood, whenever he had the money for it. he always crashed and burned or there was something more important that demanded his money, but he never lost the fascination with interest.


    Interest is growth. A simplified expression of the explosive expansion of life over time. This will work.


    All right, I¡¯m done here.


    Garth reached up and grabbed the knobbly plastic handle of the door and yanked. He kicked open the door of his dad¡¯s beat up truck and jumped into traffic, landing on his feet in the Vault room, clutching the blue ball as The gatekeeper stared at him in horror.


    ¡°This is the one.¡± Garth said, hefting it.


    ¡°Throw it now!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d rather you didn¡¯t,¡± the black figure said, emerging from the flames as it stepped off the end of the Sandi-road. He was barely five feet away from Garth


    ¡°Check this out,¡± Garth said, tossing the religion epiphany at Mr. Ominous, while throwing the other at the Vault. The blue foam ball turned into bright blue light as it sank into the black figure¡¯s chest, causing him to stumble.


    ¡°Wh-wha¡­¡± The black figure stuttered for a moment as Garth¡¯s epiphany sunk in.


    The other ball sank into the vault, and the solid steel door began cracking open with a hiss of displaced air.


    Then it began opening¡­really, really slowly.


    ¡°Damn.¡± Garth muttered as it swung open a little at a time.


    ¡°There¡¯s not enough time.¡± The Gatekeeper said.


    ¡°Garth. There¡¯s nowhere left to go.¡± The black figure. ¡°I¡¯m going to crush your mind against this barrier, and then your soul, and you¡¯ll cause me no more trouble.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll stop causing trouble when I¡¯m dead.¡± Garth said, eyeing the bucket of epiphanies.


    ¡°That¡¯s the idea.¡±


    Garth kicked the bucket. Hard.


    Blue realizations from Garth¡¯s childhood ejected themselves out of the bucket by the thousands, far more than the thing could ever be expected to hold. It washed over the black figure in a spray of blue and stopped it in its tracks as it tried to parse Garth¡¯s deepest thoughts.


    I can¡¯t believe I was twenty-three before I realized that. Garth thought with an angry grunt.


    He glanced over his shoulder at the vault door. Through the slowly widening crack, he could see a little bit of faint glow from the room beyond.


    The black figure continued walking forward, inexorably, like the terminator. ¡°That¡¯s¡­not enough to - ¡±


    The Gatekeeper let out a suicidal cry and tackled the black figure, knocking him over the edge of the brown carpet, and off into the abyss.


    You have redeemed yourself, young Garth who didn¡¯t know girls were people too yet.


    The vault slowly opened the rest of the way, revealing a control room filled with unhooked machinery.


    Garth rushed into the control room and slammed the red butten beside the vault door, causing the solid steel plate to begin inching closed again.


    A moment later, the black figure¡¯s fingers appeared on the side of his carpet, hauling itself out of the darkness.


    Garth looked around the room. it was something like a security room, with a couple monitors, one showing Alicia fighting a wave of flesh-gnawing monsters, and the other showing the view just outside the door to his soul, where the dark-flame-man was clawing back up onto the platform.


    The rest of the room was full of servers, buttons, dials, and switches buried in complicated panels¡­unfortunately they were all dormant, without a single flicker of life.


    Garth cast his gaze around the room and spotted several outlets, where the cords from the machines were disconnected.


    ¡°Seems simple enough.¡± Garth muttered to himself before diving under the server and snatching up the power cord. He took each of the power cords and slammed them into their homes, then stood up and jammed his thumb into each power button, bringing a dozen individual computers online, their monitors blinking as they booted.


    Finally the biggest screen in the center booted up as the vault door closed with a final hiss of air. The monitor showing the outside revealed the black flame-man pounding on the vault door.


    The monitor gave him a single line.


    Please speak the password.


    ¡°Umm..¡±


    Please speak the password.


    ¡°Compound interest is awesome?¡±


    Welcome to a higher form of consciousness, Garth Daniels, What can you do for you today?


    ¡°Eject the guy burning a hole through my vault door?¡± Garth said, leaning into where he thought the microphone probably was. The Stainless steel was starting to turn grey as the baddie began entropy-ing through it.


    There was a shimmer of light off to Garth¡¯s left, and Garth spotted a massive lever that hadn¡¯t been there when he came in. it featured a prominent inscription in bold letters.


    Ejectulate.


    ¡°All right,¡± Garth said with a chuckle, approaching the lever. ¡°Lets¡¯ ejectulate this son of a bitch all over the place.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 219: Bel gets a Date

    If there was one thing Alicia could pride herself on, it was her growing command of lightning. She let out a guttural scream of rage as she roasted another Meltok getting too close to her supine master. He¡¯d already been bitten several times and simply refused to rise from his stupor.


    I need something more permanent than this. Alicia decided to go out on a limb and try combining two aspects of spellcraft on the fly.


    Hope I don¡¯t explode.


    She weaved the condensed weather mana into a wall of roiling lightning, echoing the shape of the Wall of Force.


    The lightning sprang into being, not as a solid wall, but more of a randomly shifting pattern of death in front of her, scorching the floor as it fluctuated in front of her.


    Alicia took two staggering steps back and fell to the ground, the shifting wall of lightning giving her glimpses of the monsters dominating the rest of the house.


    Meltoks were ugly.


    There was a lot more to that, but that was Alicia¡¯s educated assessment. They were furry around the face and head, with a strange, wormlike body that ran back into a huge hivelike mass of hexagonal holes in a gigantic living thing¡­


    Alicia knew they weren¡¯t extentions or mouthpieces of whatever had burst through the floor, as a few of them had broken off and were slithering around the old man¡¯s house, testing everything with their disgusting jaws that seemed to emerge from their mouths when they decided to bite something.


    Behind the neck they were smooth and dry, not slimy, just thick, wrinkled skin that looked like an old man¡¯s knuckle¡­all the way down. Their sides bulged and strange lumps pressed out from inside their skin as they moved.


    All in all, Alicia gave them a seven out of ten on her personal scale of gross.


    Their movement was a little too¡­dumb to be particularly gross or scary. She saw one knock it¡¯s head on the coffee table for the third time. That and they didn¡¯t ooze as much as they could have.


    I¡¯ve become numb, she thought, putting a hand under her chin and contemplating the creatures. Garth has ruined my sense of gross.


    Six months ago, these would have been the grossest thing she could imagine, but watching Garth grow body parts back and his strange plant creations¡­


    Alicia shuddered. She liked things clean and orderly.


    The massive host for the meltoks began to slowly wind its way back down the hole, causing the little munchers to stop what they were doing and flop their way back to it.


    Finally, she thought, another tiny thread that had been strung tight slowly relaxing as the monster disappeared into the ground.


    Then the wood beneath her began to creak.


    Gods damn it! Alicia thought, lunging forward and grabbing Garth by the shirt as she ran.


    Alicia tore through the lightning barrier with ease, like one of Garth¡¯s recently invented edible underwear.


    Ugh, Alicia winced at the stray thought as she sprinted through the destroyed building, jumping over the hole the Meltoks had gone down and leaping out the door.


    Hurk was standing on top of some kind of woven mat, with thin roots reaching down in to the murky water. It held him aloft above the deadly swamp, moving him quickly to the west.


    ¡°What the hell is going on?¡± she demanded, putting mana beneath her and lifting the two of them up to meet the Swamp Shaman.


    ¡°You¡¯d think I would know, wouldn¡¯t you!?¡± Hurk shouted back, glaring at her. Well, she thought he was glaring at her. it was hard to tell with the squat man¡¯s alien face what expression he was making. For all she knew he was happy to see her.


    ¡°Meltok eruptions are very rare and typically happen in the deeper, drier parts of the swamp. This was an incredibly unfortunate thing! After the mother dies and they eat their fill, I¡¯d like your help repairing my home, if you don¡¯t mind.¡±


    ¡°What did you say?¡± Alicia shouted over the din of the cottage busting again as the worm-like creature broke through the floor.


    ¡°I¡¯d like your help repairing my home!¡±


    ¡°Before that!¡±


    ¡°Meltok Eruptions are rare!¡±


    ¡°After that!¡±


    ¡°This was incredibly unfortunate?¡± Hurk said, frowning as he reached out to a nearby tree, coaxing a series of tendrils to emerge, weaving a place to set down Garth and relieve her aching fingers.


    ¡°Oh, no.¡±


    *** Orbiting Kurm ***


    Beladia had visited the mortal Shift thousands of times, but for Bel, everything was a new experience. Orbiting a planet for any length of time was a novel experience.


    Half dungeon, half divine avatar, All spaceship.


    Bel chuckled as she wrote in her diary, feeling the steady thrumming of her connection to Beladia thrumming through her like a heartbeat. Someone would probably want to hear about what it was like to be Bel.


    Maybe Origin would be interested in my diary? She wrote, kicking her heels as she did.


    ~niden~


    What was that? Bel thought, raising her head as she heard a momentary sound.


    ~pond imm~


    It didn¡¯t fall under her normal hearing, that of the avatars she used to present herself across the ship. It more felt like her entire body had been strummed like the string of an instrument to generate that sound.


    ¡°Hello?¡±


    ~is the ~


    Hmm¡­ it¡¯s going in and out of tune¡­


    Bel rolled off her bed and sat on the floor, closing her eyes and focusing on exactly what she was doing that allowed her to hear those words. With focus only possible due to her inhuman nature, she narrowed in on the sensation¡­There!


    ~ unident ~


    She slipped off the sensation in her excitement, and worked to bring it back.


    ~Unidentified ethership, this is the Rigor, the personal vessel of Elder Nayeba of the Dan Ui. Identify yourself immediately and prepare to submit to an inspection.


    Bel blinked. She¡¯d never met another spaceship before.


    Halo, can you help me make my eyes better?


    Halo gave her a Green Check sign.


    A minute later, she spotted the silver vessel floating a few miles away from them. long, smooth, shiny and hard¡­with a certain ruggedness to his face.


    Oh, he¡¯s handsome. Bel leapt out of bed, a sudden nervous anxiety seizing her heart.


    I¡¯ve gotta brush my hair and polish my chassis!


    ***


    ¡°I don¡¯t think they¡¯re going to respond, ma¡¯am,¡± the second tier Adept said, taking his hand off the Transmit lever.


    ¡°Keep at it,¡± Nayeba said, peering at the simple scrying device that made the front of the bridge effectively see-through. Her heart was frozen in her chest.


    She¡¯d never seen anything like the solid gold sphere floating in the distance. It wasn¡¯t typical of the Fen Sha, the Gul Ba, The Sen Twin, or any other clan that she knew of with Etherships.


    For all intents, it looked like a giant Mythic Core, all the way down to the torrent of Mana swirling around it. The object was so huge that the mana seemed to have developed it¡¯s own weather systems, like the atmosphere of a small planet.


    It was terrifying.


    I can¡¯t think of anything else that could be the calamity I foresaw.


    Except the calamity she foresaw had been¡­hungry, breathing¡­reproducing¡­spreading like a disease.


    That didn¡¯t match up with the cold golden ball in front of them. Perhaps it was simply whatever was inside.


    There had to be something inside. If there ever was a mythic core of that magnitude it certainly wouldn¡¯t fall into geosynchronous orbit. Someone or something was telling it what to do, and there was no way such an anomaly was unrelated to her vision.


    She¡¯d gone through the hassle of bringing Rigor in case she needed to wipe some cities off the map to contain the threat, but Nayeba was starting to think she was underprepared for this.


    ¡°Keep at it,¡± she repeated, heading back to her seat.


    ¡°Elder?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± she glanced over her shoulder.


    The golden core seemed to become¡­shinier, it¡¯s surface glassy smooth and rippling like water, while the erratic flows of mana had straightened themselves out and began flowing around the ship in visually pleasing patterns.


    What in the world am I looking at?


    A blast of finely control mana in amounts too large to comprehend fired from the golden sphere and swept toward them.


    An attack? Nayeba thought, raising her defenses and preparing to teleport straight onto the sphere if necessary. An instant later, the mana engulfed them.


    HI RIGOR, MY NAME¡¯S BEL!


    The entire Ethership shuddered as a voice like thunder swept through it, rattling seats, the scrying, the Elder. Everything. A few more of those and the ship will be torn apart.


    The adept glanced at Nayeba, his hands clapped over his ears. At her nod, he took his hands away and pressed the transmission lever down, completing the circuit of high grade Core.


    ¡°I¡¯m asking for your registration, not your name,¡± The adept glanced at Nayeba.


    ¡°The volume,¡± She said, irritated at his lack of initiative, pointing at her ears.


    ¡°And could you transmit quieter?¡±


    ¡°HOWS THIS!?¡± a shout rang through the Rigor, heard by everyone aboard the entire ship, from the Bridge to the lowest air deck.


    ¡°About half that,¡± he said.


    ¡°How about now?¡± The voice emanating from the golden sphere reached a volume that was just above speaking volume.


    ¡°Just fine,¡± Nayeba said.


    ¡°That¡¯ll do.¡± The adept said, visibly shaken as he hunched over the transmitter. ¡°Now, could you provide us with your Ethership¡¯s registration and prepare for an inspection?¡±


    ¡°My name¡¯s Bel,¡± the woman¡¯s voice said, ringing from every surface as wave after wave of mana washed over them. ¡°I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s my registration, or if I have some other one, or none at all. I haven¡¯t been a Ethership for very long. Is that the right word? They always called me a spaceship? Maybe that¡¯s what I am?¡±


    The adept¡¯s jaw slowly began to hang open as the implications of the voice¡¯s words began to sink in.


    Are we talking to the ethership itself? Nayeba thought, her hair standing on end.


    The adept seemingly decided to ignore her statement and move on, doing as he¡¯d been trained to do.


    ¡°By the way, is an inspection normal for Etherships? Do I inspect you after you inspect me? I think I¡¯d like that.¡±


    ¡°We will ascertain your registration during the inspection, prepare to receive passengers. Any hostility toward them is ill advised.


    ¡°Ah, I¡¯ve got a teleportation shield up, it¡¯s kind of baked into my hull. If you try to teleport your passengers in by force, they¡¯ll get torn apart. You¡¯ll have to come closer and¡­dock manually. Yes. A big, strong ship like you can handle that, right?¡±


    The adept lifted his finger off the transmitter.


    ¡°I have no idea what to say to that. I think the other ship is¡­flirting with the Rigor?¡±


    Nayeba chewed on her thumbnail, a habit she¡¯d given up since girlhood. She studied the  mysterious orb in the distance, then scanned the deck, full of adepts managing every aspect of her Ethership, from the air to the acceleration.


    ¡°Take us in for a manual docking.¡±


    She pointed at the adept.


    ¡°Veyers. Your name is now Rigor, and your mission is to charm the pants off this ship. I don¡¯t care what you have to say.¡±


    There was a light chuckle around the bridge, until she swept her gaze across the crew, causing the Corios to swallow their mirth.


    ¡°I know you lot are proud, because I am. This is my pride,¡± she said, resting a hand on the chair beneath her.


    ¡°The most advanced ship in the Dan Ui fleet, powered by four Mythic Cores, with technology second only to the Inner Spheres, and plated with Adamantium from a dozen worlds under my command, and able to wipe out whole cities with ease.¡±


    ¡°So maybe you lot are forgetting that this¡­ship, nearly tore us apart with her voice.¡±


    The crew lowered their heads.


    ¡°Now bring us in, tactfully, like a gentleman. And Rigor. Keep her distracted.¡±


    Adept Veyers nodded, pressing the transmission function as they approached.


    ¡°So, um¡­ I¡¯ve never seen you around here before. Where are you from?¡± He said, swallowing his nerves.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 220: Tier 3: Lucid Death

    ¡°This is really uncomfortable,¡± Garth said in the Hyspex stance, his arms spread to the sides,


    ¡°Gumpei is a deep art with a rich history,¡± Hank the Legosen said, stretching out her huge arms along with him, Her legless torso on the other hand was forming a striking curve.


    She wasn¡¯t a snake woman, more like a sea cucumber woman whose underside did most of the grazing for her, rather than her mouth.


    Legosen were limited to an isolated planet on a distant world many, many layers away, but in Beladia¡¯s afterlife, it was a melting pot where you could meet all kinds of people who liked peace and procreation.


    ¡°How about we just call it what it is,¡± Garth said as he focused his attention inward. ¡°Soul Yoga. I¡¯ll have you know I have never been the most flexible guy in the class. Fastest, sometimes, smartest, occasionally, but never the most flexible.¡±


    ¡°How about we call Yoga what it is¡­Body Gumpei.¡±


    ¡°Nah, doesn¡¯t track.¡± Garth muttered, groaning.


    ¡°I agree, it sounds weird.¡± Hank said, rolling over and stretching her humanoid half down while she wiggled the little stubs on the bottom of her stomach that she used to move and grind up grass for sustenance.


    ¡°So why are we doing it?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Do you want to win Ercath¡¯s annual Blood Cup or not?¡±


    ¡°That I do,¡± Garth said with a grin. ¡°You can only live an idyllic life with a colony of kogals for so long before the desire for actual conflict reaches a point where you¡¯d willingly get hit in the face with a mace.¡±


    Kogals being a 9.3 on the Quinsey scale meant they were essentially the Bonobos of the Inner spheres. The dark skinned, fluffy men and women made Garth look like a prude. Unfortunately, like so many other species, their lack of underhandedness or aggression limited them to a single world in the 1329th layer.


    It also starved a need for conflict that Garth didn¡¯t even know he had.


    ¡°Then train. Maybe Beladia¡¯s team will put up a decent showing this year.¡±


    They didn¡¯t.


    ***


    Long story short, Beladia¡¯s team got stomped, as usual.


    Garth opened his eyes through the fuzziness of a hard sleep to the sight of a fuzzy faced worm-like creature with shark teeth trying to gnaw through his hardened blood and failing spectacularly.


    ¡°Gah,¡± Garth flung the creature off and sat up, scanning his surroundings. He was in the center of the ruins of Hurk¡¯s abode surrounded by fuzzy flesh eaters. Garth checked his body and saw his clothes were a mess and he was covered in his last-ditch resin armor, indicating that he¡¯d been chomped on from every direction while he¡¯d been unconscious.


    Did they abandon me, or did they get eaten?


    ¡°Al, what¡¯s going on?¡± Garth asked pressing a hand to his temple. The blood loss was making him woozy.


    Garth¡¯s sudden movement had attracted the attention of the surrounding worms, who began to see him as a living thing rather than a super hard piece of detritus. They began to swarm his direction, crowding around him.


    Garth wasn¡¯ interested in letting the creatures mouth him to death, or¡­I guess they might be able to asphyxiate me?


    Garth reached out for mana and felt an odd sensation, something like the tingling of a limb that had fallen asleep as he brought it towards himself. Something inside his chest, right behind his heart. It was like an organ he¡¯d never felt before now was responsible for drawing the mana inward and manipulating it.


    Fly


    Garth pulled himself out of the ruin of Hurk¡¯s house and surveyed the damage. The old man¡¯s quaint cottage formed from a single massive hollowed out tree had been rent asunder, and strange meat-eating furry-faced, knobbly earthworm looking things were squiriming about everywhere, trying to reach him.


    There was no sign of either Hurk or Al.


    I¡¯m not still asleep, am I? Garth thought, pulling in mana.


    This is a test. Garth wrote in the air in glowing script. He glanced away and back three times with no shifting of the words or their meaning.


    He tapped his fingers together¡­Felt real enough. It didn¡¯t have the strange disconnect between himself and his emotions that a dream usually had¡­and he was able to think rationally.


    So, if I¡¯m awake, the questions is, what the hell happened while I was out?


    Garth settled into the Gumpei mental space and began putting his soul in stress positions, with the intention of carving spellwork directly into his heartstone where it resided.


    Wait, when did I learn that?


    Garth¡¯s flight staggered in midair as lifetimes of experience pressed in from every direction, from his arrival in Beladia¡¯s afterlife, all the way through his eight hundred year stay. Ages of experience piled on top of each other, as he established full conscious contact with his soul.


    The answer is don¡¯t think about it, Garth decided, his flight stabilizing. If he dove into philosophizing about whether or not he was the same man who knocked back the hallucinogenic tea, he¡¯d fall down a rabbit hole there might not be any coming back from. It was just a simple reshuffling of memories and personality of a Garth who truly had done all the things he now remembered.


    Same guy.


    ¡°First thing¡¯s first: Al and Hurk.¡±


    Garth reached for his badge to communicate with Bel, but found it missing, most likely in the gut of one of the little bastards.


    No biggie, I¡¯ll just summon it back.


    Garth released a short-wave burst of mana, pinging his badge.


    Nothing happened.


    Garth tried again.


    Still nothing. Same thing with his status band.


    It¡¯s the curse of the modern man to be over-reliant on technology.


    ¡°Damnit.¡±


    ¡°AL!¡± Garth shouted at the top of his lungs.


    ¡°Garth!?¡± came a distant voice.


    Guess I shoulda shouted from the beginning.


    ¡°You¡¯re still alive?¡±


    ¡°Doi!¡± Garth said, orienting on the sound and heading towards it.


    Alicia was reclining against a broken tree stump inches above the acidic water. She would look supremely comfortable were it not for the bruises and scraped coverin her body, along with the compound fracture, causing bone to jut out of her lower leg.


    All in all she was a mess.


    Need to up her Endurance or shove the Heal spell into her head. Garth had a sneaking suspicion she was avoiding learning it on purpose.


    ¡°Here, let me ¨C ¡°


    ¡°Hold on!¡± She said, stopping him with an upraised hand. ¡°Stay away from me!¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°You¡¯re cursed.¡± She said. ¡°Something or someone is manipulating your luck.¡±


    ¡°Luck isn¡¯t a factor,¡± Garth said with a scoff. ¡°But if it makes you feel any better, I¡¯ll check.¡±


    Garth drew in the delicate mana and created the fate litmus test spell, painstakingly recreating his brother¡¯s divine ability, creating a very poor analog of the original.


    Weal and Woe.


    Will something bad happen if I go help Alicia? Garth pictured himself going over there and fixing her leg.


    The litmus test blackened, the Woe portion of the carefully balanced spellwork growing to dominate the entire formation.


    Huh. It¡¯s probably not accurate.


    Weal and Woe.


    Will something bad happen if I stay here?


    The formation stayed neutral, about 51% Woe, because standing in one place indefinitely in a toxic swamp filled with monsters isn¡¯t good for a man¡¯s health. So nothing particularly good or bad would happen if he stood still, according to the spell.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m pretty sure I¡¯m not ¨C ¡° A glint of light preceded the piece of metallic shrapnel that tore through the carbon fiber reinforced bones of Garth¡¯s upper body and exploded the swamp behind him. In the sky, he barely perceived more glints of light. Garth lost feeling in everything below his chest. As he began to fall, he realized he had a choice to make.


    Save Alicia or cling to his body as long as possible.


    She was a fair bit squishier.


    Garth reached out and forced a surge of mana into the spores floating around his apprentice, creating a simple, hastily created version of a dandelion to bloom beside Alicia¡¯s face. It was the first, toughest flower Garth could think of. The dandelion created a powerful repulsive force that would veer anything and everything except sassy young women named Alicia away from it.


    Garth was just in time.


    Another piece of metallic shrapnel that reminded Garth of the hardened aluminum wing of a jumbo jet was redirected by the forcefield straight into Garth¡¯s face.


    Ah, adamantium, Garth thought the instant before his head was split open.


    This time, Garth was conscious of the entire process of dying, in a way he¡¯d never been before. His body fell to the ground, and his soul stuck to his Heartstone like a hermit crab in a shell, Buried in the relative safety of all the meat.


    Garth opened the lid and peeked his head out, rising outside of the tangled mess of his former body.


    He glanced around. His vision was watery, like his eyes were covered in a thin film of tears. He could see Alicia lunging out of the relative safety of the dandelion like an idiot, hopping over to him and trying to piece him back together.


    Hmm¡­Garth thought, waving a hand through Al¡¯s shoulders, his spectral form unable to touch anything. Never been dead before. Well I have, but I was never lucid.


    Garth felt a tugging sensation, around his waist, and looked down, spotting something like an umbilical cord that emerged from his waist and stretched up into infinity.


    To my Phylactery, more like. Garth put a finger on the cord and strummed it, experiencing a moment of extreme disorientation. Just above his skin, Garth saw an aura that had a neon blue, pebbly look to it, like the border of a galaxy, or a field of stardust.


    Personal mana, perhaps?


    ¡°Welcome to the afterlife, Garth,¡± Garth turned his gaze, and spotted the only being in the whole world that looked like it wasn¡¯t coated with a watery film.


    It was freckled woman with a plush figure. She looked like she¡¯d seen her fair share of hard labor, but hadn¡¯t lost her sense of humor.


    Divine light surrounded her, outweighing and overwhelming Garth¡¯s paltry aura with ease. There was something sickly sweet about it, though, like it was just about to turn rancid.


    ¡°There isn¡¯t much time, and there¡¯s something you need to hear about my brother,¡± she said, coming closer to him.


    Garth stepped back.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°What are you doing, pretending to be Elle?¡± Garth said, peering at the supposed goddess of fortune.


    ¡°What are you talking about?¡± She asked, taking a step closer.


    ¡°None of that shit, you stay where you are,¡± Garth said, backing away further. ¡°If you¡¯ve got something to say, you can say it over there just as easy.¡±


    She was now standing where he¡¯d been just moments ago, and she cast Alicia a thoughtful glance.


    ¡°You really do have a knack for pissing me off.¡± She said, her voice deepening, turning masculine as she stroked a hand through Alicia¡¯s hair, unnoticed by the still-living girl.


    Like a fire was consuming her from inside, gouts of black flame emerged from the divine being¡¯s eyes, mouth, and fingernails, everywhere there wasn¡¯t contiguous skin. The flames licked up her sides, depositing black filth as they went, drowning her form in black, looking eerily similar to Pala.


    ¡°Ah, you again.¡± Garth said. ¡°I don¡¯t think you need that disguise, Markus. I can¡¯t think of anyone but the God of Woe who could use targeted strikes of bad luck to assassinate the competition.¡±


    The shadow¡¯s eyes widened.


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s right, I¡¯ve been around the block a few times. You think I wouldn¡¯t figure it out when I watched you kill my brother?¡±


    ¡°Barely a blink in my existence.¡± He said, his voice hoarse. ¡°I¡¯ve come so close, so many times, and I can already feel my sister¡¯s influence narrowing in on you, tugging you along in the direction of her choosing, like a piece of flotsam in a river. Go back to Beladia¡¯s Afterlife, or I¡¯ll be forced to consign your soul to oblivion.¡±


    ¡°I would do that, but I kinda got sick of all the romance and cuddles. Pissing you off as her representative seems like an excellent diversion.¡±


    ¡°Even if it costs you?¡± He asked, his palm hovering near Alicia¡¯s hair.


    ¡°There¡¯s more where that came from,¡± Garth said with a shrug, praying that Pala¡¯s knack for misleading others was still applicable. He was willing to give up on Al if she were killed, but it was far from his first choice, and he¡¯d do a lot to keep her alive.


    The shadow let out a hiss and leaped toward him, claws outstretched.


    Garth yanked on the Umbilical, his Soul Tether, his vision blurring as he soared through the cold vacuum of space at incredible speeds, just ahead of the god chasing after him.


    In the distance, The wavy, watery form of The Fertility rapidly expanded, surrounded by cloud of shredded adamantium, presumably where the near light-speed shrapnel that had hit him had come from.


    What the hell happened here? Garth thought as he slipped through the hull of the ship and into his Phylactery room.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 221: The Hand Job

    ***Caitlyn***


    ¡°Where is my badge, sire?¡± Caitlyn asked, hands folded over each other in as dignified a posture as she could manage.


    ¡°Your badge?¡± Maken senior asked.


    ¡°This one,¡± Caitlyn said, pointing at her upper left shoulder, where Garth insisted everyone wear their badges.


    ¡°Ah, I knew something was different. That was it.¡±


    Cailtyn was also wearing a candlestick strapped to her head by a strap of cloth she¡¯d cut from her sheets for the purpose of testing her new Blessing. She¡¯d spent hours deciding which God to go with, and had finally decided on Tom, because of how much better her survivability became in unpredictable scenarios simply because of his Rationalization Aura.


    Being able to sneak out of her room and leave the palace without raising any kind of fuss was liberating.


    It burned her up inside that she didn¡¯t pick Elora, and if she ever got the opportunity she would¡­those Blessings sounded heavenly.


    ¡°I know, you outmaneuvered me on this, I admit I was na?ve, and I know you¡¯d much rather I not have access to it while I¡¯m a guest, but it¡¯s a matter of grave importance.¡±


    The king stopped eating breakfast and looked at her. Really looked.


    Maybe he¡¯ll make a deal about the candlestick, or at least say something about it. Caitlyn Thought with trepidation. If he noticed something out of the ordinary, then her backup plan of snooping through the palace until she found what she was looking for was dead on arrival.


    He looked at her, up and down, gaze never lingering on the candlestick. Then he shrugged and continued working a knife through a hunk of meat that filled his plate with a thin sheen of blood. It seemed a little raw.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to keep your badge from you. What use would I have for it?¡± Maren asked. ¡°There was probably a theft in your room. The servants have sticky fingers sometimes. I¡¯ll do what I can to assist your search for it.¡±


    Playing coy, just like I knew he would, Caitlyn thought with an internal sigh. At this rate she would never get her badge back. Somehow she had to get through to Maren.


    ¡°Look. I have to contact my master and warn him. There¡¯s something evil on his planet. It calls itself his brother, but it looks like a monster.¡±


    Caitlyn¡¯s thoughts turned inward. What gave the creature the gall to call itself Garth¡¯s brother? Matter of fact, why did it spare me? Caitlyn briefly thought of the times Garth would mention that he was only responsible for the stories in the west, and his brother was responsible for the others.


    ¡­.the one who ate Chicago?


    How does someone become brothers with a living plague?


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± Maren said, between mouthfuls. ¡°Of all the people who could help, Your master is one of the least likely to actually do so.¡±


    ¡°Of course he would do something! Do you think he¡¯s a coward?¡± Caitlyn demanded.


    Maren chuckled and brought a napkin up to his chin, wiping a bit of juice off his lips before speaking.


    ¡°No, my dear, that¡¯s not what I mean at all. About eight hundred and forty some odd years back, your master and his brother signed an Evil Twin Nonaggression Pact with the intention of avoiding stupid clone tropes.¡±


    Maren shook his fork in faux anger before chuckling as a creeping dread wormed it¡¯s way into Caitlyn¡¯s stomach. He shouldn¡¯t know those things. He¡¯d never seen Garth nor this monster before in his life. He was universes away. How on earth did he know more than Caitlyn did about the history of Garth and this monster?


    Caitlyn could think of only one explanation, and it chilled her to the bone.


    ¡°How do you know that?¡± Caitlyn whispered, the hair on her neck going up.


    ¡°Anyway, your master is highly unlikely to retaliate against this monster as that would break his pact and expose him, you, and that bountiful bottomed young lady to retaliation.¡±


    Maren sawed off another bit of raw meat and popped it in his mouth with relish.


    ¡°Do you even know where my badge is?¡± Caitlyn asked the monster in Maren¡¯s form in front of her.


    ¡°I told you, I had nothing to do with it. It was probably someone who works here, though.¡± Maren winked at her.


    ¡°Well. I guess I¡¯ll have to go find out myself. Can you direct towards someone who could help me who isn¡¯t you right now?¡±


    ¡°Mmmn yes,¡± he said, wiping his lips again before pointing. ¡°My spymaster has barricaded himself inside his office, claiming that people are being replaced with dopplegangers. He¡¯s as likely to cut off your head as help you, since he¡¯s obviously gone insane, but if anyone knew where your badge went, it¡¯d be him.


    Caitlyn looked back at Maren and frowned. ¡°Do you know what¡¯s happened to you?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Maren asked, brows furrowed as Caitlyn¡¯s hair stood on end.


    ¡°What was our conversation about?¡± she asked.


    ¡°You asked me about your stolen badge, and I offered to help you find it. Go see Jorkson, my dear. And be careful. As I said, the man¡¯s obviously completely lost his mind.¡±


    Okaaay then. I can see why, Caitlyn thought as she walked away from the table, her meal unfinished.


    Who even knows what they¡¯re serving today? She thought, shuddering as she watched Maren wolf down the mystery meat with gusto.


    Caitlyn reached up and tore the candlestick off her head. She was no longer in the mood to test out her new Blessings, she was in the mood to get the hell off the planet.


    She glanced at the candlestick in her hand, her heart sinking a little as she turned and went in the direction Maren had indicated, searching for this Jorkson fellow¡¯s office.


    It took a couple minutes of asking around, but Caitlyn was finally able to find the man¡¯s office, at the end of a series of winding halls that formed a labyrinth inside the palace.


    She knocked on the solid oak door.


    ¡°I said leave me be, hellspawn!¡± a deep voice reverberated through the wood.


    ¡°Hello, Jorksen, my name is Caitlyn, And I don¡¯t think something as simple as a door is going to protect you from what is going on here.¡±


    There was silence, then a clatter and scraped of furniture being moved. Finally a small slot in the door slid open, revealing the brown eyes and green skin of an orc.


    ¡°Who the hell are you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m Caitlyn, the king¡¯s guest. The one I¡¯m assuming you arranged to steal from?¡±


    ¡°Bigger problems than your jewelry, come back never.¡±


    He slammed the slot shut, then opened it again a moment later while Caitlyn was still processing.


    ¡°And while you¡¯re at it, get out of the city, if you know what¡¯s good for you. King¡¯s not himself any more, and only the gods know who¡¯s really themselves and not some insane doppleganger.¡±


    He slammed the slot shut again, and Caitlyn began to hear the shifting of furniture again.


    ¡°That¡¯s what I want to talk to you about!¡± Caitlyn shouted through the door. ¡°With my badge, I could call for help, but I need them to do that.¡±


    ¡°Prove you¡¯re not one of them.¡± Jorkson¡¯s voice came through the door.


    ¡°How am I supposed to do that?¡± Caitlyn asked.


    ¡°I cut one of their hands off and it grew a fucking face and started crawling around.¡±


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°Each separate part of this creature¡¯s body has its own brain, can survive on it¡¯s own. Wants to survive. That means there¡¯s an easy way of testing this.¡±


    ¡°And that is?¡±


    The view-slot opened again.


    ¡°Cut off your hand. If it starts walking around on it¡¯s own, then you¡¯re one of them.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not cutting off my hand, and I¡¯m not one of them.¡± Caitlyn said, crossing her arms.


    ¡°You¡¯d think that, wouldn¡¯t you?¡± Jorkson said. ¡°But Maren, he doesn¡¯t even know. The creature surfaces now and again in his words and behavior, but he doesn¡¯t remember any of it. I can tell it¡¯s not acting. That creature in there still thinks it¡¯s king Maren.


    He held a bloody rag wrapped over a stump up to the view slot.


    ¡°I know for sure that I¡¯m not it.¡±


    ¡°Oh, gods, are you okay!?¡± Caitlyn asked. Maren wasn¡¯t exaggerating when he said the man was off his rocker.


    ¡° Agonizing pain? Yes, Woozy, yes, sleepy, a little, but okay? Okay? I haven¡¯t heard a question that stupid in years!¡±


    ¡°How long has it been off?¡± she asked.


    ¡°A couple minutes, I think¡­¡± Jorkson said, his eyes darting to the side.


    ¡°I can help reattach it, I can heal you. Would you like your hand back?¡± Caitlyn asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± Jorkson¡¯s voice came through the door as a whining half-sob. A man close to breaking. Then his eyes widened.


    ¡°But not until you prove you¡¯re not one of those creatures.¡±


    Caitlyn thought fast.


    ¡°How about blood? That¡¯s a part of me. Take a little blood and put a hot knife through it. if I¡¯m the creature, it would move around or something. Would that do?¡±


    ¡°Damnit, that¡¯s a much better test,¡± Jorkson muttered, then left the door, and she heard some clattering on the other side.


    ¡°Here,¡± he said, poking a hand-made crystal shot glass through the viewport. ¡°Put your blood in there, where I can see you. And no tricks!¡±


    ¡°I need a knife.¡±


    With a bit more muttering, a pearl-handled knife came through the slot.


    Caitlyn was not a fan of pain, but compared to the level of concern bordering on panic that was building inside her, this was more than worth it.


    She winced as she made a deep cut through her palm, dribbling blood into the shot-glass.


    Heal


    With a single pass of the white, cleansing mana, the pain in her palm went away and the wound closed without a scar. Caitlyn handed the glass with her blood over to the spymaster.


    She sat there in silence for an awkward minute, cleaning off her hand, when finally she heard the sound of more furniture being moved away from the door. A moment later, the door opened revealing an orc with an imposing barrel chest and gut to match, dressed in silken finery.


    ¡°Come in, quickly,¡± He said, motioning to her. ¡°And don¡¯t try anything funny.¡±


    Caitlyn ducked into the room and studied it as the rightfully paranoid orc started re-barricading the door, moving furniture with one meaty hand.


    The office was tasteful and expensive, but that really boiled down to a lot of very heavy hardwood furniture to put in front of the door.


    ¡°You don¡¯t seem like a spymaster.¡± Caitlyn said.


    ¡°That¡¯s the point, isn¡¯t it.¡± Jorkson said, putting the last piece of furniture down before turning to her.


    ¡°Now, my hand.¡± He said, unwrapping his stump and pointing to a severed gree hand in the far corner of the room.


    ¡°Right, right,¡± Caitlyn said, running over and grabbing the hand.


    She lined it up with the man¡¯s gushing wrist as best she could and tried to fuse them back together with Heal.


    On a hunch, Caitlyn made the Heal spell into a sieve, a kind of strainer mesh of Heal, that she pulled through the man¡¯s arm from one side of the wound to the other, straightening out the crimped edges of the veins and aligning the pieces as best as they could.


    Heal.


    She kept at it for a full minute until the orc hissed in pain.


    ¡°Ah, fuck, it stings like I¡¯ve been sitting on it for months. That¡¯s a good sign.¡± He reached over and grabbed a bottle of alcohol and downed a third of it.


    ¡°Ah,¡± he exhaled, his breath liable to catch fire, looking down at his left hand slowly curling and uncurling.


    ¡°I owe you. Now, what did you want again?¡±


    ¡°My badge?¡± She asked. ¡°I was hoping you could help me find it.¡±


    He looked her up and down.


    ¡°Oh, no need for that. here.¡± He went up to his desk that was currently pressed up against the door an opened the drawers, pulling out an ivory box, twice as long as it was wide.


    He set it on the desk, beside the recliner that was stacked on top of it, then unlatched it.


    The box opened to reveal a pitch black interior that seemed to bee far deeper than it should be, coated in a shiny, reflective surface.


    ¡°Goodies we got from the Dan-Ui for contraband,¡± He said by way of explanation as he took her badge and Status Band out of the box, handing them to her.


    ¡°Oh, thank the gods.¡± Caitlyn said, pinning the badge to her chest and slipping the status band over her wrist.


    She felt the distinctive rush of power and clarity as the band drastically boosted her attributes.


    Without wasting a second, Caitlyn touched the badge and contacted Bel.


    Bel, I need to warn Garth, there¡¯s a monster on this planet, and it¡¯s taken over the king.


    Bel¡¯s voice echoed in her mind.


    Garth dropped out of contact hours ago. We¡¯re talking to this Elder lady who came in on a handsome ship, and she says he might be some kind of cataclysmic event, which is a weird thing to say about a person.


    Elder of what!? Caitlyn demanded.


    The Dan Ui.


    Cailtyn¡¯s heart stopped for a moment, then she made her choice.


    ¡°Beam me up.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 222: Bid High

    ¡°So Rigor, what does docking feel like for you?¡± Bel asked with a nervous chuckle. ¡°I¡¯ve never¡­done that before.¡±


    Veyers wanted to sigh and drop his forehead into his palm, but he refrained. He¡¯d never been trained for anything like this, but that didn¡¯t mean he didn¡¯t understand the stakes at hand.


    The snickering of his crewmembers while the Elder wasn¡¯t paying attention didn¡¯t make it any easier, though.


    ¡°Pleasant, I suppose, What with the added stability of another ship¡¯s atmosphere control.¡± Veyers Qarkshitted as best he could.


    ¡°Neat!¡± Bel said as the ship in front of them loomed, the size of a moon, and far bigger than their own ship.


    ¡°Umm, so I¡¯m sorry if this is insensitive, but are boy ships supposed to be so small?¡±


    ¡°Yes, actually,¡± Veyers said, leaning back in his chair. Finally something he knew a little about. ¡°There are boy ships like me and girl ships, like the Fen Sha¡¯s Starlight, but you¡¯re something different.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not a girl?¡±


    ¡°You obviously are, but you¡¯re also a mothership. Something much harder to come by.¡±


    ¡°I make little ship babies like you!?¡± the voice thrumming through the entire bridge squealed with delight. ¡°That sounds so cute!¡±


    This time Veyers did put his head in his palm, mouth still aimed at the communicator.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it just.¡± He said with all the enthusiasm he could muster.


    ***Bel***


    Bel fell backward onto her bed and rolled around on the bed, kicking her heels. She was delighted, because after only a handful of months being alive, someone was providing her context for her existence, making her feel special.


    And if it happened to be a rogueishly handsome shiny little ship, then all the better.


    I want to have his babies too. Bel suddenly decided, her head coming off the bed. How do I do that?


    Bel ran a self-diagnostic, and tried to identify how that might happen. She didn¡¯t find anything. Bel could feel every part of the Fertility, inspect it as though it were right in front of her, and know without a shadow of a doubt, exactly what it was for.


    There was no place on her that made baby ships.


    Am I defective? Bel thought with a slight gasp.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± Rigor¡¯s voice bounced gently against her hull.


    ¡°Umm¡­ no!¡±


    What if he¡¯s not interested in me because I¡¯m not a real mothership? She thought, sitting up, her heart sinking.


    Wait. I can fix this!


    ¡°Halo, Halo!¡± She whispered, avoiding the frequency Rigor was on.


    Halo showed up a few seconds later, the loose collection of crystals forming a question mark.


    ¡°I need you to help me speed up some changes I¡¯m going to make to my ports!¡± she said.


    Halo gave her a thumbs up.


    ¡°Thank you!¡±


    ***Veyers***


    ¡°How¡¯s it going?¡± Elder Nayeba asked. Surely she had a pretty good idea, considering the other ship¡¯s voice was echoing through the entire Rigor, probably causing metal fatigue.


    It was Veyer¡¯s job to answer to the best of his ability, and without snark. Not that Veyer thought he¡¯d live through giving the Elder sass.


    ¡°She¡¯s glad to have us aboard, and it currently opening port V-9. And she wants to know what Rigor¡¯s parents are like.¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t know which one that is,¡± Nayeba said peering at the gold sphere dominating their viewscreen. ¡°This ship is totally alien in it¡¯s construction. We¡¯ll have to use our eyes.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I just remembered,¡± Bel¡¯s voice echoed through their ship again. ¡°you probably can¡¯t really tell which way is which. Here, I¡¯ll guide you in.¡±


    The helmsman let out a yelp as the Rigor¡¯s controls bucked out of his hands violently. The ship started moving toward a tiny rectangular hole that was sliding open on the sphere¡¯s side, the adamantium hull screeching in protest as it was warped by the enormous power that had wrapped around them.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Nayeba demanded, her knuckles a pale blue as they grabbed the armrest of her chair. ¡°What is it doing?¡±


    ¡°Um, Bel, that¡¯s a kind thought,¡± Veyers said, his head aching as he tried to think quick and couch his words in a way the enormous Ether-station could understand. ¡°But Etherships don¡¯t really like it when they have their steering taken away. If you could just give a visual, that would be plenty.¡±


    ¡°Oh, sorry!¡± Bel said, and Veyer could hear her embarrassment as the controls stopped moving by themselves. ¡°I didn¡¯t know.¡±


    A moment later, mana coalesced into a string of lights, guiding them toward the port.


    ¡°It¡¯s all right, Bel.¡± Veyers said, more calm than he felt, his heart slamming in his chest as his hearing caught the high pitched whine of air leakage.


    The Elder heard it too.


    ¡°Number two, take Salson and Muns and plug the leak. Once you¡¯ve done that, do a circuit of the entire ship and look for anything else that might be out of place. I for one don¡¯t want to asphyxiate in my sleep.


    ¡°Ma¡¯am.¡± The three corios stood and marched out of the bridge.


    ¡°Gudred, follow the lights, and Veyers¡­¡± She eyed him from the corner of her eye. ¡°Keep doing what you¡¯re doing.¡±


    ¡°Ma¡¯am.¡± Veyers tossed a salute and continued to man the communicator. No one was snickering now.


    It was about this time when a more masculine voice came over the transmission.


    ¡°Bel, you¡¯ve been locked in your room for over an hour now, what¡¯s the deal?¡±


    ¡°Emilio, I¡¯m on the phone, get out!¡±


    Veyers stared at the communicator, uncomprehending, and unsure of what to say.


    ¡°First off, I don¡¯t know what a phone is, and secondly, what the hell does that mean?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a handsome spaceship out there, and I don¡¯t need your hyper-suspicious inquisitor-brain ruining everything again.


    ¡°I did you a favor!¡± the masculine voice shouted, ringing through the Rigor. ¡°You can¡¯t just sleep around with everyone and expect there to be no hard feelings.


    ¡°Seemed to work out fine.¡±


    ¡°Because I was watching out for you. Defusing things before they¡­wait, handsome spaceship? Who is that?¡±


    ¡°His name is Rigor and he¡¯s super nice. He¡¯s going to inspect me, and then I¡¯ll return the favor. We¡¯re friends already.¡±


    The rest of the bridge glanced at Veyers.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t agree to that,¡± Veyers said, keeping his finger off the button.


    ¡°Oh yeah, let me see him.¡±


    ¡°No, you¡¯ll just get all paranoid.¡±


    ¡°Being in the dark about who or what you¡¯re talking to is making me pretty fucking paranoid.¡±


    ¡°Ugh, fine, Dad. You¡¯re such a worrywart,¡± Bel¡¯s voice came over the communicator as Gudred brought them into port. The Rigor settled gently into the gigantic bay that engulfed their ship, settling to the ground. There was a click more felt than heard as the pressure changed while the Mythic Cores began recharging the ship¡¯s batteries.


    ¡°Someone has to be. This place is run like a goddamn floating orgy yacht. If it wasn¡¯t for me¡­What the hell is that?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s Rigor.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I see, it¡¯s got it written on the bow. Bel, can you read?¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s obviously man-made¡­What did you mean by inspect?¡±


    ¡°Well, Rigor said I was pretty and wanted to get a better look at me.¡±


    ¡°What exactly did he say?¡±


    ¡°This is Rigor, Umm¡­ the personal vessel of Elder Nubya of the Dan Ui. Tell me who you are and prepare to submit for an inspection. Sounded kinda sexy.¡±


    ¡°Godsdamnit, lead with that next time! What bay are they in!?¡±


    ¡°V-9?¡± Bel¡¯s voice whined through the ship.


    ¡°I think now would be a good time to disembark. Come.¡± Elder Nayeba said, standing and marching to the airlock, gathering the rest of the bridge behind her.


    ¡°Not you, Veyers,¡± She said as he stood. ¡°You get to keep sweet-talking this ship.¡±


    ¡°Ma¡¯am.¡± He said, his stomach working itself into a knot as he sat down, alone on the ship.


    ***Garth***


    Garth dove into one of his bodies, and suffered a moment of disorientation as his never before used lungs, limbs, and eyeballs took a moment to register.


    Then the placenta split open and Garth toppled to the cushy cork floor of his innermost sanctum.


    ¡°Gah, I¡¯m so glad I added the landing pa-ack!¡± Garth let out a garbled cry as water jetted down from above, rinsing the icky goop off of him in a matter of seconds. In the heat of the moment he¡¯d overlooked the other improvements he¡¯d made.


    A second later, jets of warm air began drying him as he struggled to sprint through the cleaning phase, toward the tank filled with undiluted purified Heartstone.


    Garth picked up a bottomless bottle and threw on some pants laid out on a nearby bench, marching toward the outside, knocking back the Heartstone juice as quickly as he could.


    It was unlikely to make any difference between now and when he confronted whatever clusterfuck had littered the sky with spaceship parts, but he would take every advantage he could get.


    Garth was halfway through the tunnel to the entrance of his dungeon when he spotted Markus, or the Apostle of Markus. Whichever.


    He didn¡¯t see him so much as he felt the hairs on his arms stand up and point in a particular direction.


    When he directed his Mana Sight toward the area, he got the vaguest outline of a human staring back at him.


    ¡°Cheers.¡± Garth said, raising the bottle toward him before knocking some more back. ¡°I¡¯ll bet there¡¯s not a lot you can do to me when my soul has a meat-suit.¡±


    ¡°Stray thought, Markus,¡± Garth said, his eyes losing focus. ¡°You think I can program my phylactery to grow lady bodies?¡±


    The Apostle disappeared.


    ¡°Probably. I mean, hormonally, it¡¯s a fairly small change.¡±


    I¡¯ve officially been in the same boring body eight hundred and eighty years now, So that¡¯s definitely on the table. Maybe we¡¯ll make it a punishment game for the next time I die.


    Garth stepped out of his lair into the light of the faux sun at high noon above them.


    He oriented himself on the distant control room.


    Teleport.


    Garth arrived at a three-way Mexican stand-off between Emilio and Caitlyn, Bel, and an older Corio woman with some six bodyguards standing imposingly behind her.


    Emilio the former Inquisitor turned cauliflower brain was living in the body of a Stanley, with a design similar to the spacefaring plants, Albeit far more advanced, able to move under his own power and manipulate mana and grip things with extra strong, dexterous tentacles.


    The man-plant never felt at ease lounging around and enjoying himself, so Garth had given him the job of managing security on The Fertility, not expecting to really need it for anything more than busting a few heads when they got rowdy. Nothing too serious.


    In this case, it looked like things had gotten pretty serious.


    Every single one of the unknown group was wearing the Dan-Ui colors, wielding Lanterns in a sort of chevron formation that made them stronger as a group than they would be individually.


    Interesting.


    ¡°I swear, you stop picking on Rigor or I¡¯ll blow all of you into space!¡± Bel shouted, her Core throbbing red with anger, encroaching on the sliver of blue where Beladia¡¯s connection kept the dungeon¡¯s personality sweet and loveable.


    ¡°Bel, you need to get these people off our ship. And Rigor isn¡¯t a person, he¡¯s a ship!¡±


    Bel gasped, glaring at Caitlyn.


    Hah, racist, Caitlyn, racist.


    ¡°This is a Dan-Ui controlled planet,¡± the older woman said with narrowed eyes, clutching a lantern in her hand. ¡°You¡¯re not welcome here.¡±


    ¡°In case you didn¡¯t notice,¡± Emilio said, his speaker vibrating at the front of his green disc of flesh, just beneath the clear dome of polycarbons keeping his brain safe. ¡°We don¡¯t need your permission. Get off our ship.¡±


    ¡°And go where? The Rigor is dead in the water. Torn to shreds by your weapons. You¡¯re lucky no one was hurt.¡±


    ¡°Nooo! Rigor¡¯s dead!¡± Bel started bawling, taking the two opposing groups back.


    Garth glanced at the bottomless flask in his hand.


    I need something stronger than this.


    He walked past Caitlyn and Emilio, skirting around the edge of the Dan-Ui¡¯s Lanterns, sauntering up to a low table filled with paper cups. He held the cup up to the spigot labeled Rum, and twisted the handle, filling it partway with the beverage befor switching to mango puree and ice, starting a mixed drink.


    ¡°Garth, we-¡°


    ¡°Hold on a minute, I¡¯m too thirsty to deal with this now.¡±


    ¡°Are you-¡° the elder corio started.


    ¡°Hold on¡­¡± Garth said, finishing his daiquiri before taking a huge swig. ¡°There we go.¡±


    He turned to face Bel.


    ¡°Bel, Rigor is gonna be fine, ships have something called a black box that stores there personality and memories. We can rebuild him.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± she asked, her core slowly returning to it¡¯s normal color.


    ¡°Sure. I need you to do something for me, though.¡±


    ¡°okay!¡± Bel said, brightening.


    Garth deconstructed the Weal and Woe spell, identifying and scraping together a tiny bit of Entropic Mana and showing it to her, the Unluck pinched between his thumb and forefinger, tingling where it caused nerves to self-destruct.


    ¡°Can you scan the ambient for unnatural variations of this kind of mana and lock them down? There¡¯s more interested in us than these people, and they tend to use this.¡±


    ¡°Got it,¡± she said, jiggling as she gave him a salute.


    ¡°Garth, these people are ¨C ¡°


    ¡°Yeah, I know. Emilio, do damage control. Go assure everyone that everything¡¯s fine. Make sure we¡¯re not leaking or anything. Caitlyn, start working on a way to humpty dumpty Rigor back together.


    ¡°What does that-¡°


    ¡°Now.¡± Garth gave her the glare he¡¯d learned from his mother.


    ¡°Okay,¡± his apprentice said, paling before she left.


    ¡°The hell is humpty dumpty?¡± he heard her mutter as she left.


    ¡°I take it you¡¯re in charge here?¡± The old Corio looked his apparently twenty-year old body up and down, noting his lack of shirt.


    ¡°Nominally.¡± Garth said, sipping his booze.


    ¡°The Dan Ui clan has confiscated this vessel as recompense for the damage to the Rigor, and trespassing on Clan property.¡±


    ¡°Have you?¡± Garth asked, taking another sip.


    ¡°Surrender and instruct the vessel to bear toward the Lun¡¯dar Gate.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I get it,¡± Garth said, nodding sagely. ¡°This is the part of the negotiation where we both put forward terms and haggle each other down.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not-¡°


    ¡°I have confiscated the Dan-Ui clan as recompense for ruining my mid-thirties, and a consistent lack of respect for Apostles with grudges.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± The elder Corio woman asked, her jaw slowly slackening. ¡°You¡¯re an Apostle?¡±


    ¡°Surrender your Clan eldership and instruct yourself to bear towards the library for a cup of coffee and an early retirement, including but not limited to having your brain digested by a plant and converted into a floating tentacle monster minion.¡±


    Garth took a slurp from his cup, loud in the utter silence.


    ¡°Your counter offer?¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 223: Rigorous Negotiations

    ¡°My counter offer is I cut off your head and take control of this ship!¡± the elder said, her Lantern brightened, forming a galaxy spiral with wispy threads emerging from between her fingers.


    ¡°Kya!¡± The ship¡¯s avatar dove behind a potted plant.


    Garth stared at the elder for a moment then took a long, slow drink, finishing the rest of his cup.


    ¡°How¡¯s that working out for you?¡± Garth said, going back to the refreshments and refilling his cup. Dying was thirsty work. As he was mixing himself another drink, his brand-new stomach came online and demanded food.


    ¡°Cutting off my head that is ¨C does anyone else here want an omelet or something? I¡¯m craving protein.¡±


    ¡°What did you do? Why can¡¯t I attack you?¡± Nabeya demanded.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been around the block awhile, right? Remember the Terrafell dungeon? Its mutation led to the rampant creation of reality warping Laws.


    ¡°I¡¯ve seen Laws before.¡±


    ¡°Right, well, after Bel¡¯s core here almost died, she put several redundant Laws in place on this room. One of which simply decrees that nothing can be hurt here, and another says that while you can think of committing violence, you will never manage to act on it.¡±


    Elder Nabeya dismissed her Lantern and pulled out a pen from her breast pocket. She scowled as the muscles in her wrist went taut.


    Nothing happened to her pen.


    ¡°I see. If nothing can be destroyed, How are you drinking that?¡± she pointed at the cup in his hand.


    Garth shrugged, downed the rest of the booze before crushing the cup in his hand and tossing it into the trash. ¡°Just lucky I guess.¡±


    The elder¡¯s eyes narrowed, and Garth was pretty sure his message was received: He had the overwhelming advantage of terrain.


    ¡°I want my ship back, and I want you out of my clan¡¯s territory. We¡¯ve got enough to deal with without adding you to the list.¡±


    ¡°Is that so?¡±


    ¡°You may think you¡¯re powerful in the safety of this abomination of an ether-station, but there are beings out there who could peel this place open like a tin can.¡±


    ¡°Is that so?¡±


    ¡°Obviously. And several of them are Dan Ui.¡±


    ¡°Hm¡­¡±


    Garth summoned a gnarled wooden chair behind himself and took a seat, summoning Origin to his hand.


    ¡°Yo, How many people in the Dan Ui could peel the Fertility like a tin can?¡±


    3.


    ¡°Yeesh, that¡¯s more than I thought. Does that include Dragus?¡±


    Nope.


    ¡°Excellent.¡±


    ¡°Where did you get that?¡± Nabeya demanded, stepping forward and reaching a hand out to seize the book.


    Garth slapped her hand away with a tsk.


    ¡°Bad Elder. No Grabbies.¡±


    One of the guild members suppressed a chuckle, too quick for the elder to see whodunit.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you admit that we¡¯re on more equal footing than you thought, and give me a counteroffer? Get this over with?¡± Garth asked. ¡°Like you said, you¡¯re terribly busy.¡±


    Elder Nabeya eyed him critically for a minute, all sound stilled.


    ¡°Leave this solar system, return the value of my ship, and your name will be added to our clan¡¯s list of persona non grata, rather than hunted down.¡±


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s a bit better,¡± Garth said, doing the Basic Instinct leg cross in his chair. Unfortunately he wasn¡¯t wearing a skirt.


    ¡°Counter offer. I don¡¯t harvest your brain and glean the secrets of the Dan Ui clan ¨C ¡° Garth was pretty sure Origin already knew everything anyway ¨C ¡°And instead simply drop you off planetside naked, Sans arms and legs, with ¡®I was a naughty bird¡¯ indelibly marked on your skin?¡±


    ¡°Give my ship back and leave.¡±


    ¡°Drop you off, just naked.¡±


    ¡°Give me my ship back.¡± The elder gritted out.


    ¡°Ah, now we¡¯re at the heart of it. The one thing you want above all others. But what on earth makes you think I could provide your ship back? It was destroyed.¡± Garth laced his fingers together and drummed the tips on his knuckles.


    He glanced over at Bel.


    ¡°Did you have sex with her ship?¡±


    Bel¡¯s eyes darted to the side. ¡°No? There wasn¡¯t enough time before Caitlyn blasted Rigor!¡± She said hastily.


    ¡°Is the Fertility pregnant?¡±


    Bel¡¯s eyes darted to the side again.


    ¡°You really take after the goddess you¡¯re tethered to.¡±


    ¡°He called me a mothership!¡± she shouted. ¡°What kind of mothership can¡¯t make cute little baby ships!?¡±


    ¡°Mothership is a euphemism for a ship that is big enough to dock other ships!¡± Garth shouted back.


    ¡°Well now I know that.¡± Bel sniffed, sulking as she crossed her arms over her generous chest.


    Garth turned back to the stunned Elder Nabeya. ¡°So maybe I can provide you with a ship, depending on gestation. Possibly a better one than you had, even. But I need more than just a demand to leave and a promise of recrimination. I need something of value from you.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± she asked.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got a little problem with one of your fellow Elders. One Dragus.¡± Garth said. The corio woman¡¯s face soured as the name was mentioned. ¡°I can see you¡¯ve heard of him.¡±


    ¡°he¡¯s a bad seed.¡± Nabeya said. ¡°His misdeeds will catch up to him eventually.¡±


    ¡°They are catching up to him.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± she asked.


    ¡°One. I want information on what planets are the responsibility of Dragus. That information shouldn¡¯t lead back to you, since I imagine it could be learned through other channels.¡±


    ¡°indeed.¡±


    ¡°And two. I want you to intercede on my ship¡¯s behalf should one of the three individuals capable of killing her ever become an issue. In exchange for these two things, I¡¯ll give you your pick of one of Bel¡¯s babies.¡±


    ¡°Nooo!¡± Bel moaned. ¡°Why can¡¯t we just put Rigor back together? He didn¡¯t deserve to die!¡±


    ¡°Nabeya, was Rigor actually the one talking to Bel. Was the ship intelligent?¡±


    A corio in the back hesitantly raised his hand.


    ¡°That was me.¡±


    ¡°Rigor!¡± Bel shouted, tackling the poor crewmember to the ground and smothering him with kisses. ¡°You¡¯re alive!¡±


    ¡°Riiight. Anyway, the non-sentient ship Rigor is busted up and spread out to kingdom come. Giving them a baby ship is easier.


    ¡°Not my babies!¡± Bel said, clutching the corio tight to her chest, partially suffocating the man.


    ¡°How about when they reach adulthood and need a job?¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± Bel muttered, still clinging as the voice of Rigor weakly struggled.


    ¡°Is there some kind of Law forcing people to honor their agreements?¡± Nabeya asked glancing around the room.


    Garth shrugged. There was one preventing them from speaking agreements they didn¡¯t intend to keep, which was close enough.


    ¡°Hmm. I¡¯d like to add a term.¡±


    ¡°Shoot.¡±


    ¡°Until said ship is delivered I¡¯d like for the..¡± She glanced over at Bel. ¡°Fertility? To serve as our base of operations, while we root out the calamity on Kurm.¡±


    ¡°Whoah,¡± Garth said, holding up a hand. ¡°Hosting you for Calamity fighting costs extra. What kind of calamity, and what are you, Elder of the Dan Ui clan, offering in exchange?¡±


    As she described the calamity, Garth felt his eyebrows go up.


    This sounds familiar.


    ***Alicia***


    No time like the present, Alicia thought, summoning every scrap of her focus to tug the white mana of healing out of the environment.


    She¡¯d already gone through the excruciating torment of setting her compound fracture, and was ready to heal everything back into place. Now all she had to do was get the damned spell to work.


    Alicia¡¯s control was shit, though, and several times, the mana simply unraveled, dissipating into the environment before she was able to apply it to herself.


    ¡®Control, control, control¡­be more like Caitlyn¡¯ Alicia mocked Garth in her mind as she tried to apply a healing spell to her newly set leg. She glanced over at her master¡¯s corpse, Then at the swarm of hungry looking beetles pressing against the barrier created by the bright yellow weed.


    She felt a tiny bit of guilt for mocking a dead man, along with an unfamiliar, gut wrenching sadness that she¡¯d managed to lock away before it could do any more damage to her chances to survive..


    Not thinking about that. Just focusing on the healing spell.


    The healing mana slipped out of her control once more.


    Damnit. Alicia started over from the beginning.


    Halfway through, she noticed the beetles were six inches closer, and the yellow flower was starting to look¡­droopy.


    She lost control again, the wisps of white mana dissipating back into the environment.


    ¡°Fuck! Fine, you wanna be that way?¡±


    Without thinking, Alicia grabbed all the white mana she could find, compressed it into lightning, and blasted it through her injured leg.


    Pain begat pleasure, and Alicia made a sound as the pain in her leg momentarily shot up to mind-altering levels. She let out a primal groan as her eyes rolled back in her head, her body twitching, and for an instant she was glad that Garth was dead, so he could never tease her about it.


    A moment later, the pain faded along with the crackling energy and light.


    Alicia carefully opened one eye, expecting to find a scorched mess where her leg had been, but instead it was healed, perfectly back to the way it had been before.


    She knocked on it with her knuckles.


    No pain.


    ¡°Munasei, you¡¯ve got a sick sense of humor.¡± Stupid goddess messing with my brain.


    Alicia held out a hand and summoned all the healing energy she could to it, compressed it into chaotic lightning, then slammed it into her chest.


    The lightning paralyzed her lungs, allowing her nothing more than a tiny gasp as the mana flooded her with pain, burning through all the little cuts, bruises, and scrapes across her entire body.


    ¡°Gods damnit!¡± Alicia shouted as the wave of pain/healing receded, her head coming back up. She would never, ever, admit to anyone that she had enjoyed it.


    It was missing something, anyway not as fun when it¡¯s just ¨C nope, not thinking about that anymore. Got work to do.


    When Alicia opened her eyes, the gnashing jaws of the insects were even closer now, the little weed visibly drooping. She might have briefly lost consciousness.


    Time to leave, she thought, testing her arms and legs as she rested against the splintered tree. Good to go.


    She patted the pocket containing her Hildaven flowers before calling on Gorn¡¯s mana to launch herself into the air.


    She exploded upward in a burst of wild air currents. Some of the creatures tried to lunge for her, but were driven off by the air before they could reach.


    I just gotta get back to the city, then I can think of what to do, Alicia decided. A hollow realization swept through her body. Without Garth, she was completely bereft of the safety net he represented.


    Her heart slammed blood through her veins as she pictured surviving on an alien planet all on her own. Exciting, but dreadful. Lonely, but fueled by adrenaline.


    Hey, Al, I¡¯ve got a job for you.


    Alicia almost fell out of the sky as Garth¡¯s words rattled through her skull, filling her ears with his powerful voice.


    ¡°What the hell? I thought you were dead!¡±


    I¡¯m back on the fertility, with my tree. Oh, yeah, I forgot, Caitlyn was the one who¡¯d seen me die before. I let her into my private sanctum, which is not a metaphor, and showed her the tree that makes new bodies that house my soul when my meat-suit dies. You should see it sometime. It¡¯s pretty cool.


    ¡°How do I rate lower than Caitlyn?¡± Alicia demanded, leveling off her flight toward civilization and regaining altitude, placing her just below the poison mist.


    She¡¯s nosier than you. Anyway¡­ I need you to do something for me once you get back to town.


    Alicia took a deep breath and let her master¡¯s eccentricities roll off of her. Of course he was alive. What was I thinking?


    ¡°All right, what do you need?¡±


    I need you to get two large boards and string them together. Find some bright paint, and write ¡®Emergency Clone Meeting¡¯ on both of them, then wear them like a poncho. Then I need you to take off your clothes and run up and down the city streets screaming about the end of times at the top of your lungs, wearing nothing but a wooden sign.


    ¡°You¡¯re just trying to humiliate me!¡± Alicia shouted.


    I can do two things at once. Besides. I guarantee you¡¯ll have fun.


    A wave of pleasure radiating from Alicia¡¯s center of gravity made her flight wobble.


    ¡°You¡¯ve still got the damn clickers!?¡±


    I made plenty of spares, of course. I¡¯m not an idiot.


    ***Caitlyn***


    ¡°Hehehe.¡±


    Caitlyn watched Garth fiddle with the clicker as he gave a gross chuckle, at the end of the hastily assembled meeting table, with all the major player on the fertility on one side, and Elder Nabeya¡¯s men on the other, listening in on the plant-wizard¡¯s one-sided conversation.


    I could do it. I mean, no one would think anything of it. I could run the streets naked and people would think it was totally normal¡­ NO, I can¡¯t let myself sink to their level!


    Caitlyn squashed the urge to volunteer for that mission, but her hand had already twitched.


    ¡°Caitlyn, you had something to add?¡± Paul asked, sitting next to his wife, the mayor of New Space L.A.


    Damnit. I have to think quick or else there¡¯ll be two people running around the streets naked. It was a strangely appealing thought, though. Total freedom.


    ¡°I know at least one person I¡¯m sure is affected by your calamity. I could pass the message on directly.¡± Caitlyn stammered.


    Garth glanced at her and nodded. ¡°Of course, that¡¯s probably our best shot at getting the message through.¡± His eyes became distant, staring into space before locking his gaze on Caitlyn.


    ¡°But, on the off chance that person¡¯s not there anymore, what better way to get the message out than naked street sign streaking? Ah, that¡¯s like a tongue twister. Naked street sign streaking. Naked street sign stre-¡±


    Caitlyn¡¯s blood ran cold.


    Why did I pick this person as a teacher?


    ***Dr. Daniels***


    ¡°Is Jorkson still holed up in his office?¡± Garth asked his manservant between audiences.


    ¡°Ah, yes sire, he refuses to come out.¡±


    ¡°Well, then deliver him all the paperwork he¡¯s missed out on over the last week, along with a cookpot and some vegetables. Tell him I can¡¯t get him if he makes sure to cook all his meals thoroughly.¡±


    Manfried ¨C that¡¯s what Garth had renamed him in his head, since all butlers share the same name ¨C frowned in confusion but didn¡¯t press the matter, simply nodding and heading to deliver the head spy some grub.


    It was more fun getting them to drop their guard and work with him rather than violently subjugate them. Besides, Garth didn¡¯t want to over-do it on the assimilation again and go crazy. All he really had to do was unify a dozen or so of the most influential people on the planet, and he¡¯d be in hog heaven indefinitely.


    Being the king was boring, but it was a job one of them had to do, in order to steer the planet towards a situation more to his liking.


    ¡°Send in the next case.¡± He said imperiously, his back aching from sitting in the chair too long.


    Even a freaking shapeshifter could get back pain on this damn chair. How the old king did it was anyone¡¯s guess.


    ¡°Sire,¡± Manfried number two said, leaning towards his ear.


    ¡°Eh?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a female of a strange species running around the city in the nude, wearing a sign, disrupting trade.¡±


    ¡°The fuck?¡± Garth said, frowning. ¡°What¡¯s it say?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s in another language, but I¡¯m an amazing artist,¡± Manfried said, pulling out a piece of paper with a sketch of a round-bottomed young woman sprinting in the buff, a sign reading ¡®Emergency clone meeting¡¯ barely covering her bits. ¡°Can you read it?¡±


    ¡°Ah, it¡¯s a message from my brother, he wants to talk to me.¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Sire, you don¡¯t have a brother.¡±


    ¡°Shaddap.¡±


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 224: Veneer

    The bench is fucking cold, Alicia thought, her head in her hands as she waited for Garth¡¯s message to make it¡¯s way to whoever it needed to make it to.


    Not how I thought I¡¯d be spending my time here, butt freezing off because they couldn¡¯t be bothered to get me a pair of pants. Bastards, all of them, but especially Garth.


    ¡°May I ask your business?¡± the guard¡¯s voice came from around the corner, his voice dry from boredom.


    ¡°I¡¯m here to talk with one of your prisoners.¡± Alicia heard Cailtlyn¡¯s voice come through the hall, and it wrenched her head up. Was this word that she could leave, or was Caitlyn just here to mock her?


    ¡°Right, let me unlock the gate.¡±


    The orc came up to the steel door and jammed a crude key into it, unlocking the door with a clunk. He nodded to the person behind him.


    ¡°Have a nice day.¡±


    ¡°I will, thank you.¡±


    Caitlyn slid past him and into the jail cell, peering down at Alicia.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t they arrest you?¡± Alicia looked Caitlyn up and down. Caitlyn was wearing an exact copy of Alicia¡¯s sign, effectively covering her front and her back. The redhead¡¯s face was crimson as a cherry pie. If she blushed any harder, Alicia thought she might look like she were being strangled.


    ¡°I-It¡¯s normal for me to wear this.¡± Caitlyn said, shifting in place nervously. Alicia thought about it for a second, and her fellow apprentice¡¯s words did have an air of truth. There was nothing out of the ordinary with Caitlyn wearing that sign.


    ¡°I suppose, so why did I get arrested and not you?¡± Alicia tried to muddle through it¡­but she kept arriving at mental dead ends, her thinking foggy and confused.


    Why would my thinking be foggy? It¡¯s never been sharper in my life.


    Alicia thought about that for a moment.


    It happened whenever she tried to think about¡­


    What was I thinking about again?


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure, but I am here to get you out.¡± She leaned close to Alicia and whispered. ¡°After I get the door open, stay quiet.¡±


    ¡°Get me out?¡± Alicia demanded. ¡°I could get out whenever I wanted to. I choose to stay in this cell because it gives me a break from running around the streets naked, screaming at the top of my lungs and making a scene!¡±


    That and I don¡¯t want to cause Garth trouble with the local government, but Caitlyn doesn¡¯t need to know that.


    ¡°I promise I won¡¯t make a scene.¡± Caitlyn turned and waved at the reclining orc around the corner. ¡°Hello, Mr. jail guard?¡±


    There was a startled snorting around the corner. ¡°Ack, I kinda spaced you being there.¡±


    ¡°it happens. Can you let me out now?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± he came up to the door, keys rattling in his grip. Caitlyn¡¯s freckled hand snaked out and snatched the keyring out of his hand.


    ¡°Hey! You can¡¯t¡­you shouldn¡¯t¡­.What was I doin?¡± The guard¡¯s gaze went from hostile as he reached for his weapon, to upset, then confused as he slowly relaxed.


    ¡°I¡¯m here on official business to release this woman.¡± She pointed at Alicia.


    ¡°Oh. Riiight. That must be why I gave you the keys.¡± He nodded sagely.


    Caitlyn giggled. ¡°Works every time. I¡¯m loving this.¡± loving what? The one strange thing was that absolutely no part of Caitlyn¡¯s behavior was out of the ordinary or unexpected. She was supposed to snatch the keys away from the jailor, she was supposed to be standing there, addressing her in nothing but a signboard.


    Alicia tried to work around the problem. The context.


    Caitlyn was supposed to be here, but what was the context? Alicia hadn¡¯t heard anything from anyone about her coming to her rescue ¨C not that she needed one ¨C and no one ever said anything about breaking her out.


    What breaking me out? She¡¯s supposed to be here. Everything¡¯s official.


    But WHY?


    Alicia was stewing on these thoughts, frustrated as her suspicions slipped away like so much sand, disappearing grain by grain while Caitlyn threw the lock open.


    ¡°Come along then.¡± Caitlyn said, reaching into a bag hung on her other shoulder, previously hidden behind the sign. She pulled out a pair of pants.


    ¡°Garth said we did good, so we can get dressed.¡±


    Alicia grumbled as she snatched the fabric out of Caitlyn¡¯s hands, tugging the clothes on with a haste that even surprised her.


    ¡°What about you? Why aren¡¯t you dressed already?¡±


    ¡°Umm¡­¡± Caitlyn frowned and glanced to the side. ¡°It¡¯s not important.¡±


    Alicia scoffed. ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here. I¡¯m done with this planet.¡±


    ¡°Not until we deliver this,¡± Caitlyn said, pulling a transporter out of her bag, ¡°to someone who identifies themselves as Doctor Daniels. In the meantime, Garth said you had a Hildaven flower for me?¡±


    Alicia¡¯s eyes narrowed as she considered telling Caitlyn to go fuck herself. She didn¡¯t exactly want her fellow apprentice to keep up with her, especially given the girl was more talented at magic, and her insanity matched Garth¡¯s so closely.


    There was a strange burning sensation in her guts as she noted the two¡¯s similarities.


    but the word had come from Garth himself. She didn¡¯t exactly have a way to tell Caitlyn no without Garth getting involved.


    ¡°Yeah, I stashed it outside the city before this whole debacle.¡±


    ¡°Cool, let¡¯s go make the tea while we wait for this Dr. Daniels fellow to approach us.¡± Cailtyn looked like she thought of something as she handed the bemused guard back his keys on their way out.


    ¡°Oh, Garth said we could wait a few years on the Hildaven if we wanted more Epiphanies to choose from.¡±


    ¡°What does that mean?¡± Alicia asked.


    ¡°He said something about your magic gaining a flavor?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s cryptic.¡±


    ¡°Fuck waiting. Waiting is for plants and animals,¡± Alicia said, rolling up her sleeves.


    She wasn¡¯t going to meekly sit and wait when she knew she could ascend to a higher level of being. Power and prestige were in her grasp, on a scale that would make the Inquisitors of Earth shit their pants.


    Munasei, please don¡¯t make me hump the floor, she thought, crossing her fingers where Caitlyn couldn¡¯t see them.


    ***


    They found the bag with the hildaven flowers outside of the city, and it was a simple matter to find a safe place, conjure drinkable water for the tea, Alicia using her perfect memory to replicate the preparation of the flower, which amounted to a simple grind and strain.


    Once she had a cup full of the mildly murky tea, she knocked it back.


    ¡°Gah, that¡¯s gross.¡± She said.


    ¡°Agreed.¡± Caitlyn said, grimacing as she looked at the newly empty cup in her own hand.


    ¡°You drank it too!?¡± Alicia demanded, her anger ebbing away rapidly. ¡°One of us is supposed to look out for the other.¡±


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you say that?¡± Caitlyn asked.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think I¡¯d have to.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Caitlyn glanced at her cup. ¡°Whoops?¡±


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t I notice that?¡± Alicia demanded, her mind going fuzzy. ¡°What is up with you?¡±


    ¡°Nothing.¡± Caitlyn said, a little too quickly. Which was perfectly normal. No reason to be upset.


    Alicia¡¯s thoughts swirled around and around one fact that she simply wasn¡¯t able to pin down over the course of half an hour. Her head was starting to hurt when she cracked through the fog like the delicate shell of an egg, and got to the juicy insides as she pinned down one suspicion.


    ¡°You did something!¡± Alicia shouted, tackling the startled bookworm to the ground and straddling her.


    ¡°No I didn¡¯t!¡±


    ¡°What did you do!¡± Alicia demanded, the reason for the question disappearing as quickly as it came. No, fuck that. I¡¯ll just repeat the question until she gives me the answer.


    Alicia leveraged her short-term memory, chanting the question as the reason for it completely faded from her mind.


    ¡°Whatdidyoudowhatdidyoudowhatdidyoudo ¨C ¡°


    ¡°Okay, okay, I¡¯ll tell you!¡±


    Alicia frowned. ¡°tell me what?¡±


    She assessed the situation. She was mounted on top of Caitlyn, whose eyes were wide with fear. Her posture was aggressive, and she was only mildly tingly. An interrogation.


    Caitlyn¡¯s eyes darted to the side evasively, and Alicia pinched her, hard.


    ¡°OW!¡±


    ¡°Tellmewhattellmewhattellmewhattellmewhat!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m an apostle now! I¡¯ve got an aura that makes everything I do seem normal. I can get away with almost anything.¡±


    Alicia raised a fist. ¡°You do anything weird to me and make me think it was okay?¡±


    ¡°No! Why would I do that!?¡±


    ¡°Then we¡¯re cool. Welcome to the club.¡± Alicia slumped off of her and rolled to the side, the canopy around them spinning.


    ¡°Think some bugs will eat us while we¡¯re high?¡± she asked, glancing over at Caitlyn, who was panting, also staring at the canopy.


    ¡°Not on my watch.¡± A rather handsome, bronze-skinned man wearing strange, flattering clothes approached from the wilderness. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure you two break through the third tier safely.¡±


    ¡°Dr. Daniels?¡± Alicia asked, squinting. He didn¡¯t look like the one she¡¯d met outside Santo Descanso, but who knew?


    ¡°In a matter of speaking. I¡¯m one of his offshoots with their own personality, name of Veneer. I¡¯m in charge of operations on this planet.¡±


    ¡°Veneer¡­means fa?ade.¡± Alicia said as the trees started to wiggle. That was a stupid pseudonym.


    ¡°Sure does,¡± he said with a friendly grin. ¡°So, one of my fellow offshoots got a message for my creator. Emergency clone meeting?¡±


    ¡°Caitlyn.¡± Alicia said, poking the redhead, who blinked, looking away from her hand superimposed on the canopy. ¡°The thing.¡±


    ¡°Right, the thing.¡± Caitlyn dug through her bag for a moment, and held up the golden triangle pin.


    ****


    ¡°A Transporter,¡± Veneer chuckled to himself as he stooped down to take it. ¡°It sure is Garth. This will be fun.¡±


    One more opportunity to finally free myself from the creator¡¯s grasp and wreak my vengeance on the spheres.


    Veneer internalized his maniacal laugh. He was undercover right now.


    ¡°How do you use this thing?¡± he asked, glancing up at Caitlyn, but the slender redhead was already drooling.


    ¡°Hmm..¡±  He glanced at Alicia, who was idly pawing the ground and watching the dirt tumble through her fingers.


    ¡°I¡¯ll figure it out,¡± he said, turning it back and forth in his hand.


    ***Garth***


    ¡°And that¡¯s how I learned about self-control after I banged my coworker¡¯s wife.¡± Garth said, putting the finishing touch on the presentation on the white-board. ¡°Any questions?¡± he asked the assembled audience, including Nubeya and her men. Bel had changed her form to look like a Corio and was currently sitting in Veyer¡¯s lap.


    Despite the thin fur coating, Garth could see the sweat beading around the man¡¯s eyes.


    ¡°She looked like a frog.¡± Tad said, raising an eyebrow.


    ¡°Not a question, but what can I say? I was in my early twenties, and willing to jump at anything that came my way. An experience I¡¯m told not everyone has.¡± Garth put the cap back on his marker with authority. ¡°Any other questions?¡±


    ¡°What did that have to do with rooting out the Calamity on Kurm?¡± Nabeya demanded.


    ¡°That was to waste time,¡± Garth admitted. ¡°I sent someone I strongly believe to be the calamity you speak of, a message in text, let¡¯s call it a text message. This person has strong ties to me, and I¡¯d like to speak to him before we get underway with the whole¡­bombardment thing.


    ¡°Useless! Transport me and my men to the surface at once!¡±


    ¡°Calm down, there¡¯s plenty of time to blow everything up later. I¡¯ve gotta see if my evil twin is willing to neg ¨C ¡°


    Space mana warped around Garth and his surroundings were swapped out with the swamps of Kurm.


    ¡°otiate.¡±


    Garth glanced around. Swamp in every direction for miles, with critters from Critters nowhere to be seen, a bit of movement caught his eye, and Garth spotted his two apprentices flopped down on the ground.


    Caitlyn was chuckling, long, extended chuckles that spoke of inappropriate behavior, while Alicia simply humped the ground.


    ¡°You summoned me?¡± he asked, facing the man standing in front of him. the fellow was deceptively young, clean shaven, square jawed, and wearing an incredibly snazzy three piece suit. He was also wearing what appeared to be a flat gold chain necklace around his neck like one of those mafiosos from TV. Dr. Daniels in a different body, perhaps?


    ¡°Garth. Nice to finally meet you, officially.¡±


    ¡°Officially?¡± So¡­not Dr. Daniels?


    ¡°I¡¯m Veneer, one of the personalities Dr. Daniels created.¡± he said, offering his hand. ¡°I got your message. Although I thought the Transporter would take me to you, not the other way around.¡±


    ¡°And introduce you to an isolated population of civilians? Have you met yourself?¡± Garth said, catching the abomination¡¯s hand with his own.


    ¡°Fair enough.¡± Veneer said, grasping his hand hard, but not hard enough to bother the reinforced boned of the Garth Mk 3.


    As they were shaking, Garth pointed his other hand at the handsome man.


    ¡°Are you the supervillain? Veneer sounds like a supervillain name, and Dr. Daniels mentioned making one of those.¡±


    Veneer¡¯s charming smile twitched.


    ¡°Why would you say that?¡±


    ¡°You been around the block a couple times, specifically in a place where a powerful diviner says there¡¯s going to be a calamity, and you¡­kinda start to expect supervillains.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a lot more boring than that, unfortunately. He made me a clich¨¦¡¯ of an attractive young businessman, nothing more.¡± Veneer said, releasing Garth¡¯s hand.


    ¡°So, no maniacal laughter?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°No plans for world domination?¡±


    ¡°None.¡±


    ¡°No nanoscopic worms burrowing into my hand, with the express purpose of hollowing out my brain and replacing it with yours?¡± Garth asked, holding up his hand.


    Veneer blinked, his smile slipping.


    "Listen," Garth said, putting his hand on Veneer''s shoulder and clamping down until he felt the creature''s shoulder bones begin to creak. "Every brilliant thought you''ve ever had, every plan, every cultural reference, it stems from us. Me and Dr. D. If you can think of it, I can think of it. So, are there worms?"


    ¡°No sir.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± Garth put his hand down. ¡°Because if that happened, it would violate the truce, and your Pappy and I would be very disappointed with you.¡±


    The slight itching in Garth¡¯s palm went away.


    Macronomicon

 Chapter 225: War Pigs

    Macronomicon


    ¡°We bring this, the third annual meeting of the Order of Transhemispheric Doppleganger Twins, to order.¡± Garth said, slamming the gavel down before returning it to ash.


    The four of them were sitting in a hastily constructed cabin in the middle of the swamps of Kurm, just Nabeya, Garth, Dr. D, and Veneer. Terrible name. Caitlyn and Alicia were writhing around on the ground as they made drug-induced contact with their driving epiphanies.


    ¡°First order of business, addressing the elephant in the room,¡± Garth said, eyeing the Dan Ui clan member, then he glanced across the table at Veneer and Dr. Daniels, who had returned to his original form as per the meeting¡¯s decorum.


    ¡°The fact that this meeting has been in recess for eight hundred and forty-five years, and what we can do better to stay in communication moving forward.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d like to volunteer to leave a copy of myself on the Fertility,¡± Dr. Daniels said, raising his hand.


    Garth summoned a new gavel and twiddled it between his thumbs.


    ¡°That seems like a hell of a security risk. No offence.¡±


    ¡°Nah, I get it.¡±


    ¡°Perhaps linked PCs?¡±


    ¡°Pen pals.¡± Dr. D said, pointing at him.


    ¡°That¡¯ll be good enough.¡± Garth nodded, glancing over at Nabeya, who looked half-ready to leap on either of them, glancing between the three of them with suspicion.


    ¡°Now, to the important business.¡± Garth said, pointing at Veneer.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Veneer, is there anything you¡¯d like to tell us?¡± Garth asked.


    Veneer shook his head for a moment, before he caught himself, and seemed to struggle his words through some kind of barrier.


    ¡°I¡­would l-like exemption f-from the Clone¡­Truce. I¡¯m my own man.¡±


    Dr. D¡¯s jaw fell open for a moment before he broke into a huge grin and slapped Veneer on his back.


    ¡°That¡¯s my Boi!¡±


    ¡°The first of my creations to give me a little pushback, eh? I thought it might be the superhero, or the genius detective, but they¡¯re too caught up doing good to realize they¡¯re not real.¡±


    ¡°Right, this presents a bit of a problem for us,¡± Garth said. ¡°If we were to exempt Veneer from the Clone Truce, we¡¯d have to be sure he was no longer under your influence. A completely separate abomination.¡±


    ¡°Because if he were still under my control, I could play both sides, yeah I get it.¡±


    Dr. Daniels snapped his fingers.


    The handsome supervillain melted in front of their eyes as his flesh rolled off of him. All the while, Veneer was screeching in inhuman agony as his limbs stopped working, slumping forward in his chair.


    Flesh puddled on the table in front of them and crawled over to Dr. Daniels, rejoining with his arm and disappearing into his body.


    All that was left of Veneer was a dried-out, eyeless husk.


    ¡°And that did¡­what?¡± Garth asked.


    ¡°Like a responsible parent, I¡¯m giving him the opportunity to stand on his own two feet.¡± he motioned to the husk. ¡°I couldn¡¯t take that back when I severed the bond. It¡¯s his now. Unequivocally.¡±


    The husk gasped, twitching. He tried to push himself up and failed, his bone giving out, causing him to slump back down onto the table, groaning in pain.


    ¡°Happy birthday. Want water and some enriched avocado?¡± Garth asked, summoning a glass of water and a protein pear.


    ¡°Please.¡± Veneer gasped, his hollow eye sockets closed.


    ¡°I¡¯ll have no part in whatever unholy abomination is at play here,¡± she said, eyeing the three of them. ¡°I¡¯d just as soon kill the three of you right now.¡±


    ¡°Really, the only people at risk of dying here are you, Veneer, and the crew of the Rigor currently trapped in The Fertility¡¯s airlock.¡± Garth pointed at Dr. Daniels and himself. ¡°We¡¯re decentralized.¡±


    ¡°About time,¡± Dr. D said, raising his hand. ¡°Up top.¡±


    They high-fived.


    ¡°It¡¯s more of a lich immortality system than a The Thing immortality system, though.¡± Garth admitted.


    ¡°Not bad. Upside is you don¡¯t get other people¡¯s dying thought surfacing every now and again like burps.¡± Dr. Daniels said.


    ¡°That is a hell of an upside. Wait, don¡¯t go!¡± Garth shouted as Nabeya turned to leave. ¡°We¡¯ve got your issue to address.¡±


    ¡°My issue?¡± She asked.


    Garth turned to face Dr. D, who was looking particularly rosy after draining a hundred pounds of flesh from his child.


    Garth threw a thumb over his shoulder, pointing at the reluctant Elder.¡°She wants my assistance hunting you and Veneer. How much assistance am I allowed to provide your enemies without violating the Articles of Clonehood?¡±


    ¡°hmm¡­¡± Dr. D thought about it while Veneer gummed a ripe avocado. He¡¯d lost most of his teeth in the divorce.


    ¡°How about we just exempt Kurm?¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I went interplanetary seven months ago, man, remember? I could lose every mouthpiece on this planet and it wouldn¡¯t even be a drop in the bucket. I say hit me with everything you got.¡±


    Garth tapped his finger on his elbow, studying his evil twin. ¡°So you can develop countermeasures for if things ever do turn sideways between us.


    Dr. D shrugged with a smile.


    No one says I have to actually go all out against him. And anything he can¡¯t comprehend or replicate is something he won¡¯t be able to create a counter for. Until I¡¯ve got a better idea though, I¡¯ll stick to escorting this elder lady until the Fertility¡¯s bun has left the oven. No need to give Dr. D. ideas.


    ¡°Alright, sounds good. Let¡¯s draft up an Exemption.¡± Garth summoned a piece of paper and a pen, leveling it at Dr. D. ¡°On a personal note, I¡¯d appreciate it if you didn¡¯t eat my apprentices, despite them being part of the exemption.¡±


    ¡°I understand grudges. Ransom then?¡±


    ¡°Sounds good,¡± Garth said, scribbling on the paper as he began to draft the exception to the Truce.


    ¡°Really? You are so involved with this walking catastrophy that you¡¯ve got to create a document do what must be done?¡±


    ¡°Elder Nabeya.¡± Dr. D. said, addressing her directly for the first time, bearing a sharklike smile. ¡°I¡¯m on enough different planets right now that I am beyond the Dan Ui¡¯s capacity to contend with. In four more years, I will have a stranglehold over every government in the outer thousand spheres.¡±


    ¡°When I am powerful enough, I will no longer be an¡± ¨C he made air quotes ¨C ¡°¡¯Extinction level event.¡¯ I will become an accepted fact of The Inner Spheres, just like your parasitic Clans. Better, even. They won¡¯t dare try to remove me for fear of how much money it will cost them.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what it boils down to.¡± Garth said, nodding as he wrote. ¡°Pose enough of a threat to their wallet and they¡¯ll compromise.¡± He glanced back up at Dr. Daniels. ¡°similar plan here.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m actually getting really good at piecing together selfless, charismatic rulers out of personality-sludge.¡± Dr. D said. ¡°They¡¯re gonna love me.¡±


    ¡°By the way, many of the people aboard Fertility, I¡¯m going to need them uncompromised when I move on to other planets, and others are simply civilians. Would you mind marking their faces with a grease pen or something rather than assimilating them, should you find a way to infiltrate The Fertility?¡±


    ¡°Sure man.¡± Dr. D said with a grin. ¡°Sounds kinda fun, although asking me not to assimilate them is like asking me to play with both hands tied behind my back.¡±


    ¡°How about you mark them secretly anywhere on their bodies and I give them a heads up that they have to obey your commands if you do that?¡±


    ¡°One hand tied behind my back. I can work with that.¡±


    ¡°Is this a game to you two!?¡± Nabeya demanded.


    ¡°Kind of.¡± The two of them answered simultaneously.


    Raw mana began whirling around her, creating a storm of tiny lightning bolts as the mana grew more and more compressed around the Dan Ui Elder.


    Oh yeah, I forgot. Not on the Fertility any more, and she¡¯s probably at least fifth tier. Maybe higher.


    In short, she could squash him like a bug.


    ¡°Listen, Nabeya. I just negotiated sweetheart terms for the war with your calamity here. We can try to kick him off this planet as hard as we want, and he¡¯ll basically slap-fight back. Well, except for you. You¡¯re not part of the agreement, so he¡¯ll probably try to kill you pretty hard.¡±


    ¡°That I will.¡±


    ¡°But you should be able to handle it. You¡¯re an elder, after all.¡±


    Nabeya¡¯s eyes narrowed, and the storm of power gathering around her snapped into a Lantern the size of a baseball, covering their entire meeting hut and extending out into the swamp beyond.


    Garth felt his backup batteries kick in, slowly releasing mana back into his meat-suit from the wafers of Mythic core and Aether crystal implanted before the body was born.


    ¡°How many Dan Ui planets are you on?¡± she asked, her voice cold and level as she sat back down at the table.


    ¡°Tell you what. I¡¯ve been kind of lacking stimulation recently with how easy interdimensional domination is, so how about this: you sign this agreement, participate in this gentlemanly war rather than running away and tattling on me, and I¡¯ll give the Dan Ui notice of which of their planets I¡¯m on, four years before anyone else.¡±


    Dr. D slid the draft out from in front of Garth and towards Nabeya. She scanned it in a matter of seconds before sliding it back to Dr. D.


    ¡°Add the clause for your whereabouts, and I¡¯ll play your little game.¡±


    ¡°Ooh, this is so exciting!¡± Dr. D. said, rubbing his hands together before accepting the pen from Garth. ¡°My very first official war as a hive-mind!¡±


    ¡°Generals gathered in their masses!¡± Garth sang.


    ¡°Just like witches at black masses!¡± Dr. D followed.


    The two glanced over at Veneer, who laid still, not joining their totally appropriate pop-culture reference, his water gone and super avocado only half eaten.


    ¡°Boo.¡± Dr. D. said.


    ¡°Is he dead?¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± Dr. D. reached out and poked Veneer with the pen. The supervillain crumbled to dust, nothing but a hollow shell. He glanced under the table, where a little hole in the ground marked where Veneer had burrowed away. ¡°He bitched out. Makes sense.¡±


    ¡°Right. 24 hours to take effect?¡± Garth asked, tapping the paper.


    ¡°I could start right now,¡± Dr. D. said with a shrug before handing it back to Nabeya.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine with that,¡± Garth said.


    ¡°Better than pretending to a truce.¡± Nabeya said.


    She looked over the agreement for a few moments, then added her name to the page.


    ¡°Now, a copy for each of you.¡± Garth said, placing a hand on the document and duplicating it twice, handing one to Nabeya and the other to Dr. Daniels/


    Nabeya¡¯s copy vanished from her hands in an elegant whorl of golden mana, transported somewhere elsewhere, while Dr. Daniels ate his.


    ¡°Ready?¡± Garth asked, glancing around the table.


    ¡°Three.¡± Dr. D said with a shark-toothed smile.


    ¡°Two.¡± Nabeya said, eyes narrowing.


    ¡°One.¡± Garth finished.


    Nabeya stood so quickly that little splinters formed around her feet from the pressure, she whipped a hand up and her Lantern turned into a disturbingly familiar beam of light that overwhelmed Dr. D. in a fraction of a second, vaporizing the abomination¡¯s body in an oppressive wave of heat and light.


    Garth lunged out of his chair, heading for the elder.


    The log cabin¡¯s walls exploded inward as hundreds of mouthed tentacles burst into the room, aiming for the elder.


    She shredded the approaching tentacles with bands of white fire, some of which caught Garth¡¯s legs, leaving him flying through the air on inertia alone.


    Several of the disembodied tentacles suffered a similar fate, their inertia carrying them into the elder, where they buried barbed teeth into the corio¡¯s arms and legs.


    Garth slammed into Elder Nabeya¡¯s side and triggered the Transporter, giving Bel a target.


    Garth saw the light outside the cabin grow dim as a massive mouth blocked out the sun, closing around the cabin itself.


    The next second, he and Nabeya dropped to the ground inside the Fertility, with disembodied tentacles trying to burrow their way into her flesh.


    The Elder let out a harsh grunt and a wave of mana ejected the barbed talons from her flesh, tearing open her wounds at the same time.


    A second later she blnked once with a healing light, closing the wounds so quickly Garth almost second guessed it they¡¯d ever been.


    That¡¯s not good enough.


    ¡°Get to the Control Room!¡± he shouted, hauling the Elder to her feet.


    ¡°Why?¡± she demanded.


    The Control room should allow her to survive the microscopic remains of Dr. D. that were burrowing their way painlessly through her body as they spoke, aiming to convert her.


    ¡°Poison!¡± Garth shouted.


    ¡°I¡¯m immune to poison!¡± she shouted back.


    ¡°Not this kind, Move ya goob!¡±


    Garth looked over his shoulder and spotted one of the disembodied tentacles slowly squirming away, morphing legs as he watched.


    Firebolt.


    Garth seared the little detachment where it stood on shaky new legs, but the other¡­There was nothing but a bloody streak where it had writhed away.


    Damnit, he got on the ship already.


    Garth broke into a sprint, aiming for the control room.


    He screeched into the control room just behind the elder. Safely in the area where nothing could be harmed, she would be safe, but so would the parasites in her bloodstream. A standoff.


    ¡°Now, will you tell me what kind of poison he used? What kind of creature are we dealing with? You seem to know much more than you¡¯ve told me.¡±


    ¡°We bought you time,¡± Garth said, ¡°Time I¡¯ll use to explain, but right now, I need to get the ship in order.¡±


    He glanced over at Bell, who was peeking out at them from beneath the covers of a new bed situated in the corner of the room.


    Veyers was there too.


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± she squeaked.


    ¡°Whatever. It¡¯s an emergency, get ready to work.¡± Garth pulled the Emergency lever, causing a klaxon to sound throughout the entire ship, then he picked up the speaker, his voice cutting through the emergency sounds.


    ¡°Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Today we¡¯re going to have some War games to keep us on our toes. We¡¯ve been boarded by a polymorphic creature with a penchant for assimilating its victims into a collective. This is a drill. If someone or something marks you with a grease pen, you are on the enemy team until the drill is over. Once again, this is a drill, but I want you to take it seriously. Keep security tight.¡±


    Garth glanced over at Bell, releasing the button on the speaker.


    ¡°Bell, this is not a drill. Expand the Indestructible Law across the entire ship to prevent him from actually assimilating anyone, then I want you to create these six anti-parasitic Laws, ship-wide, before you take the Indestructible Law down again so people can eat.¡±


    Garth scrawled down six laws that would prevent shapeshifting, burrowing into flesh, absorbing people, and generally being The thing.


    ¡°Get it done. You now have full priority use of Halo. Only after you have these in place, I¡¯d like you to put up a Law preventing people from marking each other with grease pens or other means.¡±


    ¡°Sir.¡± Bel said, jumping out of bed and slapping her hands on her core.


    The ship began to hum around them as the Laws governing reality aboard the ship moved.


    ¡°Game on, you bastard.¡±

 Chapter 226: The Clone Wars.

    Dr. Daniels ran through the labyrinthine halls in the shape of a fox, thinking furiously.


    Dr. D¡¯s proprioception was telling him he was thousands of miles outside the planet¡¯s atmosphere, which was silly¡­ unless he was in space.


    Why the hell am I out in space?


    I thought The Fertility was a regular ship or a secret sex club, or both, but no, apparently my clone has created a¡­


    Dr. Daniel¡¯s foxy jaw gaped as he came out into the simulated daylight, viewing the distant painted-on wisps of clouds above his head.


    I¡¯m inside a dome. In all likelihood it¡¯s a sphere. Why waste a flat surface? Hmm..


    Suddenly Garth¡¯s voice came over some kind of magical P.A. system.


    ¡°This is your captain speaking¡­¡±


    Dr. D. listened with an ear cocked as Garth played it off as a drill.


    I suppose it is a drill.


    Dr. D. was clearly the better recipient of this deal, seeing as Garth already had a pretty good idea of his abilities, but Dr. D. had no idea how much Garth had improved in the last millennia. That and he would gain some valuable experience fighting knock-off death stars, which would spread to every one of his thousands of bodies.


    If I were Garth, and I were going to try to stop me from assimilating people, what would I do? Gather the crew and immolate them? No, that¡¯s not right.


    It would be something area wide, stiffer than a warning. Perhaps a spell that jettisoned him off the ship or burned everything without an I.D. of some sort.


    Wonder if he¡¯s got a magical IFF Transponder.


    In any case, Dr. D. Needed to ¡®Assimilate¡¯ someone as soon as possible. He¡¯d of course considered doing it the old-fashioned way, but had decided not to. A friendship with your only doppleganger was a terrible thing to waste, even if he was a bit of a pansy about you eating people.


    But where the hell do I find a grease pen? Do I have to make one out of my own body, cuz that¡¯s rough. Might be able to do it, though.


    Indistinct conversation made Dr. D¡¯s ear twitch. He crept out of the tunnel and into the subtropical underbrush, toward the sound.


    ¡°But why?¡± a purple short-stack that achingly reminded him of Betty, albeit shorter and plumper asked.


    ¡°Because, our guest didn¡¯t bring a grease pen with him, and Garth doesn¡¯t want him resorting to doing anything dangerous in order to ¡®mark¡¯ his victims.¡± A woman made entirely out of fine polished wood said, wearing a box of grease pens strapped to her chest. She was tossing the pens out into the jungle haphazardly, causing one to land at Dr. D¡¯s feet.


    Interesting. He¡¯s rather cautious that I¡¯ll go full The Thing. These pens and the announcement were designed to make it easier for me to do things the non-lethal way. I suppose I¡¯d be cautious too.


    Dr. D. picked up the pen and tugged the cap off with his foxy-feet, creating a tiny pop in the woods.


    ¡°Did you hear that?¡± The Garthspawn asked.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± the wood woman said with a frown, trying to locate the sound. ¡°You should get out of here, Lora. Grass says there¡¯s something hungry in the woods.¡±


    Grass? Oh, It¡¯s Ms. Banyan. I almost didn¡¯t recognize her.


    Ms. Banyan had achieved an air of sophistication and a sweet pantsuit that made her nothing like the child-rearing wild-woman she¡¯d been before. She looked more like a career-woman than the lady in charge of hands-on sex-ed.


    ¡°What about-¡°


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine.¡± Ms. Banyan said as another of her stepped out of the nearest Banyan tree that seemed to litter the¡­entire valley.


    Wow. She big. Dr. Daniels marveled as he restructured his vocal chords. Animal voices were incredibly creepy and uncomfortable to speak in.


    Dr. Daniels crept over to the nearest Banyan trunk, desperately trying to maintain silence. With a flick of his head, he dragged the marker across the trunk.


    Point, Dr. D.


    ¡°Hey Banyan, long time, no see.¡± He called in an eerily childish voice. Not that he could help it, given how tiny he was, currently.


    The two Banyan¡¯s heads snapped over to look at him, standing next to one of her trees with a marker beside him.


    ¡°According to the rules of the game, you¡¯re on my side now, correct? What with this being your main body and all.¡±


    Her eyes narrowed.


    ¡°Who are you?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Dr. D. asked, aghast. ¡°You don¡¯t recognize me?¡±


    ¡°I do not, little creature,¡± she said, dipping down to look him in the eye. ¡°But I¡¯d like you to know that I¡¯d rather burn my own grove down than let you harm any of the children aboard the Fertility.¡±


    ¡°God, who said anything about hurting children? Is Momma Bear your default setting or something?¡±


    Ms. Banyan cocked her head to the side.


    ¡°Your speech sounds familiar.¡±


    ¡°Its¡¯a mea-a. Dr. D-a.¡± he said with a phony Italian accent.


    ¡°Ah, I understand why Garth made that announcement.¡±


    She reached out and smacked his furry cheek, discombobulating him and forcing the shapeshifter to spend a moment getting his bearings.


    ¡°That¡¯s for stealing the triplets.¡±


    ¡°Away from certain death? You¡¯re welcome.¡±


    ¡°They would have lived a better life with me and Grass.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s debatable. At the time, you two were the equivilant of a six year old and a Mac from the eighties, whereas I had all the life experience of their father.¡±


    ¡°Not all of it.¡± she said with a sour look.


    ¡°Are you on my team now Ms. Banyan, or what?¡± Dr. D. said, nodding to the pen mark on her tree. ¡°It would be a shame if you didn¡¯t follow the rules of the game. Might make me think about not following them either.¡±


    She rolled her eyes. ¡°Fine, but I hope you know I¡¯d have plenty of time to excise you from my network if this were real. And it¡¯s Mrs. Banyan now.¡±


    ¡°Oh, ¡®grats.¡± Dr. D said. ¡°I need you to do two things now that you¡¯re on my team.¡±


    Mrs. Banyan heaved a long-suffering sigh.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I need you to mark everybody within reach of your marker-carrying clones, and I need you to make me some food.¡±


    ¡°How much?¡± she asked, crossing her arms with a scowl. Surprised yelps began to travel through the subtropical valley as Mrs. Banyans turned on their charges, pinning them down and swiping them with the black pens, adding them to the Marked collective.


    ¡°Ehh¡­¡± Dr. D said, glancing up at the canopy. ¡°fifty tons?¡±


    She opened her mouth to protest.


    ¡°I know you can do it. You must have enough bodies to fill this entire valley with fruit.¡±


    ¡°Fine, but it¡¯ll be nothing but eggplant. Fifty tons of eggplant.¡±


    ¡°Noooo!¡± Dr. Daniels¡¯ cry morphed into a fox¡¯s chattering cry.


    ¡°I¡¯m not doing human flesh flavored fruit. Ever.¡± She said, glaring at him.


    ¡°At least guacamole, it¡¯s almost as good as human flesh.¡±


    ¡°Ugh, Fine.¡±


    Several dozen Mrs. Banyan stepped out of the surrounding trunks and raised their hands up, weaving a tremendous amount of mana between them, conjuring giants avacados and onions.


    ¡°Now we¡¯re talking¡­¡± Dr. Daniels said, rubbing his paws together as the delicious goo began to manifest.


    Garth was surely going to manifest some way to push back against his pseudo assmimilation, like using spores to put everyone to sleep or something, and that meant that Dr. D needed more mass. His body¡¯s value was substantially increased by the terms of the game.


    In a matter of minutes, Mrs. Banyan had a small mountain of guac in front of him, and dr. D dived in.


    At least, he tried to.


    His foxy body bounced off the food like a rubber ball.


    ¡°Ah, what the¡­did you do this?¡± he asked, rubbing his nose¡­which didn¡¯t hurt.


    Odd.


    ¡°No,¡± Mrs. Banyan said, rapping her knuckles on the massive pile of food. ¡°I have no idea what this is.¡±


    Dr. Daniels opened his jaws and tried to gnaw on the soft-looking pile of delicious nutrition he needed to make more stunt doubles, but it was hard as a rock. Harder, even.


    The strangest part was that he wasn¡¯t getting hurt, either, he was simply incapable of damaging anything.


    ¡°The grease pens stopped working.¡± Mrs. Banyan said with a vacant expression, ¡°at around three thousand members assimilated.¡±


    ¡°Spy,¡± Dr. D. said imperiously. ¡°I need you to stealthily approach Garth and find out what the hell is going on. Also, arrange for some of the assimilated to scatter and become a drain on Garth¡¯s resources, while the others hide in a centralized location. I need you to hide them.¡±


    ¡°Yessir,¡± she said reluctantly, snapping a lazy salute. ¡°Although I feel I should warn you, in the spirit of the rules of the game, that Garth already knows you got me. I do have bodies everywhere, and they gave the alarm while you were talking to us.¡±


    ¡°Damn, fair enough. The hell is going on with this guac?¡± he tried to bite a nearby fern and found it just as impenetrable as the demon guac.


    Oh, he¡¯s got some kind of invulnerability field that prevents anything from taking damage. Eating things damages them, as does assimilating them. Smart. That means I¡¯m not going to get any more recruits in the meantime¡­and the Elder is still alive.


    His worms were too small to provide him with a good sense of where the elder was, and they weren¡¯t getting any bigger or more numerous, meaning they¡¯d been stalled out.


    Good thing to know. Dr. Daniels noted dispassionately. That was something he¡¯d have to look out for.


    ¡°Bugger. We¡¯re going to have to get creative.¡± He tugged on the mana in the surroundings, but his Core was nowhere near powerful enough to do much with it. If he wanted to do strong magic he needed a few days to grow his new core¡­or¡­


    He glanced at Mrs. Banyan. ¡°I¡¯m going to teach you a spell to directly feed me and increase my mass. It¡¯s pretty fuel inefficient, but desperate times call for desperate measures.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡± Mrs. Banyan said.


    ¡°It goes like this¡­¡±


    ***Alicia***


    Alicia blinked her eyes open, smacking her lips and grimacing at the awful aftertaste of last night¡¯s horrible, horrible mistake.


    People are power. Alicia ruminated on the epiphany she¡¯d used to open the door into the library inside of her soul. It was a point that her aunt had tried to hammer home so many times when she was younger, that she¡¯d wound up trying to run away from it, even when she¡¯d understood its meaning.


    But it¡¯s no less true.


    The library inside her soul had been a quaint thing, modeled after her favorite bookstore as a child, with a rich velvet chair that swallowed her up. Each of the titles on the shelves had hinted at some facet of her personality, from a thick tome of Shameful Dreams to a thin pamphlet labeled Desire To Pick Nose. Each one had a¡­gravitas to it that felt like it would resist any effort to move, but somehow she knew she could, if she wanted to.


    Instinctively, she felt that there was probably a way to rearrange the bookshelves in a better way, possibly even rewrite some of them entirely.


    ¡°All right, where are you, Perverse Attraction to Irritating Men? You¡¯re getting rewritten.¡± Alicia said, closing her eyes, and diving back down into her soul.


    Wish this thing was alphabetical, or maybe had some guiding theme.


    Alicia was cruising through the shelves when her fingers landed on a black, leather bound book, thick as her wrist.


    Trauma Vol. 1


    Her hair stood on end, and she hesitantly reached out to the book, her fingers stopping just shy of the cover.


    She was just about to touch the book when she felt a hand on her shoulder.


    ¡°Ack!¡± Alicia shouted, flailing her limbs at her mysterious attacker, her eyes flying open.


    Caitlyn gave a strangled scream as she was knocked backward with all the force of a charging Dire Boar, tumbling once before her shoulders hit the wood of the wall, burying herself three inches deep.


    ¡°Umm¡­Sorry.¡±


    ¡°You seem kinda jumpy.¡± Caitlyn said, dabbing her split lip with a glowing finger. In seconds, the mark went away like it had never been. ¡°Was your Epiphany Don¡¯t Take Candy From Strangers?¡±


    ¡°Bite me,¡± Alicia grumbled, climbing to her feet and stretching, looking around the wooden cabin. It was exactly as they left it. ¡°What was yours?¡±


    ¡°Concentrated Effort Is Unstoppable.¡± Caitlyn said. ¡°You?¡±


    ¡°People Are Power.¡± Alicia said, brushing the floor-dirt off her nice clothes.


    ¡°That¡¯s odd. I didn¡¯t take you for the manipulative type. I mean, for a Denton, anyway.¡±


    Alicia gave her a glare, hoping the chatty redhead would shut up, but it didn¡¯t seem to work.


    ¡°See, your sister would lean into it, smile and say something charming, while you¡­you just glare at people, hoping they¡¯ll shut up.¡±


    ¡°Gah,¡± Alicia looked at the ceiling and begged Munasei for patience. Wait, no! Not Munasei, Gorn!...Actually, he doesn¡¯t seem that patient either.


    ¡°Whatever, I¡¯ll handle it myself.¡± Alicia muttered.


    ¡°Where¡¯s my transporter?¡± Caitlyn asked, patting through her bag. ¡°Matter of fact, where¡¯s your transporter?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Alicia asked, really looking at her fellow apprentice, widening her eyes to improve her vision in the gloom of the cabin.


    ¡°Is that ink on your face?¡± She asked, pointing at the thick black smiley face drawn on Caitlyn¡¯s forehead. Caitlyn¡¯s head came up, studying Alicia for a moment. She frowned, staring at her for a second before reaching up to her forehead and bringing her fingers back with a thick smudge of blackened grease.


    Alicia copied her and came back a black smudge of her own.


    ¡°What the hell?¡±


    ¡°Greetings,¡± a voice came from the doorway as it was dramatically thrown open, flooding the room with light. In the doorway was the silhouette of a kidnapper.


    He probably thought we were two defenseless girls in the middle of nowhere. This¡¯ll show him.


    ¡°Get him!¡± Alicia shouted, channeling enough lightning to create a glass trough a hundred feet long, straight into the creep¡¯s chest.


    The walls of the cabin flexed, and all the mana in the room was siphoned away in a fraction of a second, unravelling her spell before it even hit the target.


    ¡°Now, before you do anything drastic, I¡¯d like to explain the rules of the game that you two have been volunteered for.¡± The man said.


    ¡°What game?¡±


    As Alicia¡¯s eyes adjusted, she made out¡­Garth? A bit more homely, much shorter, and with normal skin, but all his essential features were there.


    ¡°My brother from an identical mother has included you in our little game, a dry run of conflict as it were. I¡¯ve already marked you as an addition to my team since he ditched you in the swamp, so get ready to act against your master until this game is over.¡±


    ¡°Before I get down to the nitty gritty of the rules of the game and the plan, does anyone have to use the bathroom?¡±


    Caitlyn raised her hand.