《Casual Heroing》
Prologue
Prologue
Original Length: 862 words.
Post Revision Length: 1148 words.
Sometimes, a book is a book.
When you are on the sweaty subway, though, its an excuse to stare at some weirdos without being punched in the face. Or maybe, to stare at thedies!
And sure, my dear Dostoevskij, you might be right when you write that murder is indeed an interesting dilemma. But see, 150 pages just to ponder about it, thats a bit too much, isnt it? You could have trimmed it down to twenty, maybe even ten!
Maybe its not just about the Russian ent sounding so mercurial; maybe your people do like to brood over things until the sun goes out. And looking at how long some of those books are, I mean when the sun literally stops working.
Now, look at thatdy over there, my loquacious writer. She looks like my future wife, doesnt she? Wholesome, ssy, and a bit bookish, huh?
I mean, she doesnt have a book, but she looks like she reads them, I think! But, even if she didnt, would that turn me off? For all I love to be transported in St. Petersburgs streets with you, I wouldnt mind if this girl wanted to bring me to Arbys.
But you, Fdor, you know that I will indeed ponder for much more than 150 pages before mustering the courage to ask her out. I mean, if I were to kill someone, I would ponder nothing near 150 pages, just some advice for you, Fdor. So next time, please make it shorter. But here, here we are talking about asking my charming subway crush! Its a much more serious matter!
Killing someone is easy! And why should I care about it? But romance? Despite all the crime shows popping up in thest fifty years, my dear Fdor, romance is still worthy of more thought than murder itself.
Oh no, shes staring back. Goddammit,e on, Fdor, do me a favor and shield me from having to grow a pair, you damn gambling addict! Make this thick unreadable thing worth its retail price! Please!
Im trying to look inconspicuous, but I fear my presence has been noted. s, it is time tomit seppuku. Goodbye life, its time for me to ascend to another world, and
Oh man, shes still looking at me!
And not just looking!
Oh my
Hi!
Now that shes up close and we are both standing, I can see that her whole face smiles. Her eyes are sparkling, and two tiny pearls at her ears somehow drag my attention to her toothy smile.
She looks like an ad for a dentist studio depicting the perfect next-door childhood crush. This woman jumps on the balls of her feet with such a cheery smile that Im probably just having a stroke. Of course, this cant be real-life, can it?
Hello! I gather the confidence that I only have with women and baking.
Do you want my number? she winks at me.
She winks and clicks her tongue.
Breathe, Joey. Breathe.
I know, I know. My new subway crush just used my move. And with this, she has now stolen both my move and my heart.
Here we go. Civilization is going to end, isnt it? Cute subway girl wants to give me her number just like that?
Come on, this doesnt happen in real life!
I can see tomorrows headline already.
Joey Luciani gets asked out by a girl on the subway, the moon explodes, and now the tides are currently swallowing the entire! Thank you very much, Joey! This is all from the end of the world!
Nah, too long to fit in the newspapers. Maybe they would do a TV service while the world is ending. Yeah, thats more like it.
You want my number or not? she asks again, this time with a smirk.
I just spaced out. But Im always ready for ast-minute save. I messed up enough times in my life to know how to get out of any pickle.
You are just too beautiful, and I got stumped for a moment, I pronounce the cheesy line with the courage of a person who already lost his dignity eons ago.
Her vibrantugh goes off amid the sweaty and noisy subway, making it my personal Garden of Eden for a moment. She shakes her head and gives me a once-over. Then, after a few excruciating moments where shes evaluating if Im good enough as a potential date, she whips out the phone.
Victory!
Give me your number, Casanova, and Im Vanessa, by the way, she winks again.
Now, after three winks, I start fearing that she might have a tic or something.
Here we go, couldnt be a normal one? Nope, not for me! She has a tic! Those are too many winks, arent they? But should I ask her if she has a tic? It doesnt seem like the wisest dating move.
What do I do? Im way too deep already to pull back now!
Im Joey, I wink back.
So, putting the tic questions aside for another moment, I start spelling out my phone number, and she gives me a ring; and now I have her phone number.
She smiles again and, in the same way it happens in films, the subway stops precisely at the right moment; she smiles at me onest time, making my heart jump out of my chest, and then she gets off.
Holy moly, I am living the dream!
Emboldened by Lady Luck, I try the unthinkable.
Its time for the cheesiest move in the world! Its time to ask her out to dinner tonight, right here and now! Maybe even Ill even give her a kiss! Why not! Today, nothing can go wrong! Nothing! I feel like Im on top of the world! The cutest girl just asked me out! Im invincible! I have defeated luck, finally!
I jump out of the seat, and I start running at the closing doors, barely making it through them. Not even Brad Pitt could have looked that cool and unfazed as I just did!
Then, I blink.
I blink, once again.
And I blink, another time, just to make sure.
Yeah, this is not New Yorks subway, is it?
A vast treasury with enormous riches and artifacts stands before me. Swords, your standard straight-out-of-aic golden coins, some more glittering swords, armors on mannequins, or just armor pieces thrown around in the golden coins to make it look fancier.
A truly artistic and well-ced hoard, I find myself sighing with a hint of boredom.
See, I am not shocked.
What did you expect from me?
Should I be surprised that I just traveled in space, time or whatever, when my subway crush just asked to exchange numbers? What did you expect exactly? Because, Im telling you, this is exactly what I would have expected.
Chapter 1: Oh No!
Chapter 1: Oh No!
Original Length: 1042 words.
Post Revision Length: 1385 words.
Many people would lose their marbles in my situation, and who am I to me them? But heres the critical difference between them and me. They dismiss luck as superstition and would never act in a way or another because they thought this might actually be not a good idea for me because of myck of luck.
Instead, I am a staunch supporter of superstitious practices and luck. Why? Rationally, if luck doesnt exist, its not really a problem now, is it? But what if luck does exist? Well, better be prepared!
For once, I had almost thought I could have had something nice, that my mistress luck was about to remove its pointy heels from my battered chest. But it was just a fools dream. Cool, wholesome, bookish subway girl and me? Yeah, sure. Whats next? Miss Universe asking if I can be her booty call?
Come on.
And its not that my confidence is low because Im not good-looking. As I always exined to my mother, the only reason I gotid is that I somehow look good and can pull some shameless moves. How? Well, most human beings would be afraid of being so cheesy and idiotic. But when you really do it, women do get swept off their feet. Or theyugh at you. Lets say its pretty much fifty-fifty. Maybe forty-sixty, but Im digressing.
The most important thing, buddy, is to factor in the p risk. Its a ten percent chance of getting a p when you pull a move in the wrong context or, most likely, on the wrong woman. As there are crazy men, there is an equal number of crazy women out there. Better be prepared for anything because you never know what coulde your way.
And I always had a higher p risk than your average Joe precisely because of luck. So, even when I see a beautiful woman who could be interested in me, I try to be careful.
Now, in fact, I simply apply my dating mindset to the current situation Im in. Yeah, yeah, I am in front of a perfectly arranged treasure hoard that could give Pixar animators a run for their money. So how does dating apply to this?
Well, this is the equivalent of Miss Universe giving me a booty-call, isnt it? And you think I would fall for it? Think again, pal, because if I started touching something, a colossal dragon would pop up and roast me right there. Maybe the dragon would first do so metaphorically, and only after a good bout of insults, literally.
I notice that I am incredibly close to a very thick tome that looks magical. Now, one could say that it doesnt really look magical, but that the word magical is actually on the cover.
Magical Theory The Omnium Compendium. Sound a bit pretentious, if I have to be honest.
And for a moment, I forget the most essential rule because this book is not just like Miss Universe, but its like a Miss Universe paired with a massive caboose on her. While I sessfully ignored the rest of the riches around me, something pulls me toward that book, and an insane idea starts brewing in my mind. Its the idea that I could touch that tome without consequences.
Its just too enticing. And so, taken by the maism of the book maybe because deep down everyone dreams to wake up with magical powers I turn the book to its first page.
At this point, do I really have to say what happened next? Like, is it even necessary? Come on, we all know it.
As Lady Luck usually wills it, a dimensional rift or simply a tear in the space-time continuum of reality, you could say opens below my feet and the book. And it does what a massive crack in the fabric of the universe does: it swallows us both.
Well, I might as well die torn apart into billions and billions of atoms while my real essence turns to nothing more than universal mush. I just wish I could have met Selena Gomez before dying and
Ind on my ass, with the book on my knees.
Huh, thats something, I nod toward the book, giving the artifact my approval for not having turned me into molecr dust.
I look around. It seems Im outside some sort of a medieval city with walls and a gate with a long queue. The walls look very neat and clean. Actually, those rocks look too clean for the current setting. Who lives there, some cleaning freaks?
I stare at the people in the queue while scratching my chin and squinting my eyes. Theres something that feels distinctly wrong, but I cant put my finger on it.
What is all this sun in my eyes, anyway?! What the hell?! Shouldnt these dimensional jumps bring me somewhere dangerous in the middle of the night? I was expecting to be dumped in thend of the dead or something, with zombies, skeletons, and mad necromancers all around! I mean, I can understand the creepy treasure hoard, but this?
Theres even a little bird thatnds near me and starts chirping.
Come on, Lady Luck, we both know where this is going. Whos this bird, huh? Is it going to transform into a giant monster and tear me apart?
The little bird, what looks like a puffy blue sparrow,nds on top of the tome and chirps cheerfully again, almost happy to see me. That is, obviously, until the tome disintegrates the poor creature with some obscure spell.
sted into oblivion.
Well, thats more like it, I pat the book, agreeing with it on the tone we should give to my lifes tale.
No chirping birds in my apocalyptic adventure, thank-you-very-much.
With the book under my armpit, I start making my way toward the gate. Not much I can do without a
HOLY SHIT.
HOLY SHIT.
OH NO.
OH NO. PLEASE. NONONONO.
THIS CANT BE HAPPENING.
I take a better look at the people queueing in front of me, and I see what gave the feeling that something was out of ce.
They are not humans.
Oh, okay, they are not humans.
They are the most vile and spiteful creatures a goddamn British writer came up with!
They are Elves!
Oh. My. God, I make a U-turn and start walking away from those wretched things when, as a suspicious human in a city full of Elves, I get the shout.
I dont know if you have ever been stopped by the police while doing something untoward, like urinating in a public ce, speeding a red light, or telling a woman that shes the spitting image of your mom.
HEY! YOU!
Those two words are pronounced with the same distinct cadence in two different worlds, it seems. And I hear sprinting heavy steps right after.
Here we go. Whats worse than Elves, you might ask? Well, besides French people, only Elven Police, I guess.
Hello, gentlemen, how may I help you? I greet them with a radiant smile, so big that the two tall and armored Elves almost recoil.
Ahem, one of them quickly tries to rpose himself. We are not used to humansing here
They speak English, I realize after a second. The book cover, too, was in English, wasnt it? I mean, if I read it, it must have been.
Oh, Im so sorry. If you could point me to the nearest human city, I will be going immediately.
The two look at me like Im an idiot.
The nearest human city is probably on another continent or something like that, isnt it?
The nearest human city is on another continent, Human.
Isnt that lovely?
And we are at war with them, the other guard adds while resting a hand on the borate hilt of his sword.
Well, I hope that Elven prisons look good. As long as they dont force me to eat a vegetarian diet or anything of the sort, Im good with doing some time before I figure out the rest. But knowing my rtionship with Lady Luck, I''m in for a hell of a lot of broli, arent I?
Chapter 2: No Classes
Chapter 2: No sses
Original Length: 956 words.
Post Revision Length: 1256 words.
You better not try anything weird, mage, one of two tall guards said, the one with light green eyes and an evident fun deficiency. We are walking toward their headquarter, or at least thats what they told me.
Mage? I ask, confused.
Yeah, isnt that a spellbook? the green-eyed guard pointed at my murderous tome.
Oh, this bad boy, here. I think so? But Im not a mage. Im just Sort of carrying it around? I try a goofy smile, but I only get two icy stares in return.
Tough crowd.
Man, I hate Elves so much.
I dont, like, hate, hate, but they are an overused clich in fiction, and now, in real life, too, it seems. I would have epted a body-built lizard and a talking ant as the weemittee in this new world, but Elves I dont know. Theres something infuriating in hearing women go crazy about Ondo Bloom in a blonde wig that has left me a dramatic contempt for this species.
God, I wonder if they would disintegrate after touching this goddamn book like the chirping bird. Could that be considered murder? Am I sure I want to eat broli in their prisons until the end of my days? But Jesus, its so heavy! Cant one of them offer to carry it for me? I mean, they either get sted into nothing, and I go to jail for life, or, second-best case, I dont get cramps in my arms. Its a win-win situation.
Or would I get executed? Do Elves have the death penalty?
So How does this work? What are you taking me in for, being a bit too handsome? again, I try irony, but I know the joke is more for my sake than theirs.
You need to undergo an interview before you can receive an official city pass. We usually conduct this thing at the gate, but since you look like a mage, you are going to get interrogated by another person versed in magic in case you were hiding something dangerous.
I mean, at least they exin things clearly, dont they?
In the meanwhile, I look around. Im in a pretty big city, arent I? If the two armored brutes at my sides werent pushing me around, I would have enjoyed the sight. Despite being a medieval ce, it looks clean.
Damn Elves and their clean streets. They ruined the authentic medieval experience of shit pouring down the curbs.
Is the person interviewing me a man or a woman? I ask with a cheeky tone.
Why do you care? one of the two brutes grumbles.
Gotta find out whether or not I need to take out a big loan for some jewelry, I smile. Isnt that how you court women in medieval times, jewelry?
In what times? they both seem very confused by the use of the adjective.
I meant, even if you are Elves, you do still have to court women to make babies, dont you?
You want to court a female Elf? they both narrow their eyes and put their hands closer to the hilts of their swords.
One of them has a spear on his back. Maybe Ill be a human kebab before the end of the day; who knows what Lady Luck is setting up for me.
Sure, why not, and even more than one, Id say! I smile.
There is probably some big taboo about this if they are at war with humans. I dont really care, though. If there are cute Elven women, why not try to woo one or two?
Whats your name, human? one of them grabs my shoulder and pushes me forward. Not the friendliest of shoves.
Joey Luciani, Italian ancestry if that earns me points with thedies, I smile at both, and I get the feeling that being skewered is getting closer than I thought.
Never heard of the Luciani Family, Lucillus, the first guard tells the green-eyed one.
Because you dont study the notes the Captain gives us on the stupid humans, Lucillus grumbles.
So, you know the Luciani family, Lucillus? the grizzly guard asks.
The aforementioned Lucillus, the green-eyed guard, simply stays silent at the question, brooding.
You dont? the burly man sighs and fishes a snack out of a pocket, smirking at his pal.
I could have! At least I read the notes!
Well, might as well start reading books if they want me to read those goddamn poems the Captain loves to write.
Illiterate Elves. Interesting.
One myth busted.
Still hate them.
Not as much as French people, but I still do.
Antoninus, Captain Drusillus will have your ears chopped off if you dont start studying, Lucillus said.
Wait a second. Are those Latin names?
Elves with Ancient Roman names. What the
You, Luciani, whats your business here in Amorium? Lucillus shoots a new question, this time at me.
Amorium? What a weird name. And Elves doing an Ancient Roman cosy? Just terrible. But I wonder, will the women be wearing some cute tunics? I crane my neck around, but the guards block most of my view.
No idea, pal. I kind of found myself in the area, I say while still straining to look around for the fair sex, Im not in for funny business, though. However, I might have to find myself a job since my funds are not avable to me at the moment.
You an adventurer? Antoninus, the illiterate brute, asks.
A what? I have no idea what an adventurer is.
An adventurer. Taking missions, teams, Dungeon diving, saving people, and so on.
Is this some kind of a DnD setting where you take up quests to exterminate monsters for money? And no, I dont y DnD. I did listen to a funny podcast-like experience of voice actors ying DnD, but I was never into it enough to try it myself plus, I used that to while away time during the graveyard shifts or the most boring moments in the bakery. Theres something virginity-inducing in ying with make-believe stories that has always kept me from finding my own group.
Nah, Im a baker.
A baker with a spell-book? Lucillus stares hard at me. So hard I start to think he wants to bare my soul naked or something. Or maybe he ys for the other team. Well, not your lucky day, Lucillus; I y for the skirt-chasing team. Unless I try picturing Lucillus with a skirt, but I only get rewarded with shivers.
Oh God, why did I even try to picture that?
I shiver once again.
Both guards look at me funny, still waiting for an answer.
Gotta make a living somehow. I might be able to innovate a bit with some magic, I shrug.
And what sses do you have? You will not be asked to reveal your levels, but you will be asked to reveal your sses under truth stone. If you do possess dangerous sses, you will face charges as soon as we find them.
sses? I stare ahead without understanding the question.
Yeah, sses, Lucillus replies as if he said the most natural thing in the world.
Right, those voice actors had sses and levels, didnt they?
Oh, I probably will have to reveal that I have no ss.
Huh, that might make those gentlemen quite suspicious. s, I do not have much choice, do I?
No sses, friends, I give them the brightest smile. My cheeks are straining so much that I might get facial paralysis before I wrap it up.
Chapter 3: Clerks
Chapter 3: Clerks
Original Length: 1078 words.
Post Revision Length: 1338 words.
After saying that I have no ss, they look at me as if Im the biggest idiot they ever saw. Are they necessarily wrong? Maybe, or maybe not. If I am an idiot, Im sure I could find more convincing reasons.
Well, I indeed have no idea whats going on, how this world works, if Elves are, like, actual Elves or Humans with pointy ears.
We are nearing the Watch building, and they point it out for me. After following the big finger''s trajectory, I rest my eyes on a massive construction. It resembles a small castle, with incredibly thick walls and little fortified walls all around it. It gives off the feeling that anyone who would be foolish enough to assault it would instantly die. And die a terrible death.
The houses around it are dwarfed by its presence, making it stick out like a sore thumb. Lucillus and Antoninus both look at the building with a neutral expression I guess they have seen it enough times not to be surprised anymore.
There is quite the traffic in-and-out of that ce. Do these Elves love their bureaucracy? God, I hope not.
I would like to sightsee some more, but my two guards are very interested in thetest statement about my unfortunate situation.
No sses? Lucillus narrows his eyes.
No sses, I smile with joy.
You have no sses, Lucillus reiterates to make sure.
No sses at all! the smile doesnt leave my face for a second.
He says he has no sses, chimes in Antoninus, the illiterate brute.
No sses at all! I repeat once again in our little theatrics.
They both sigh and shrug.
If you are in any weird cult, you will have to state so during the interview, Lucillus warns me.
Cult?
Do they think Im some kind of a nut because they live in a goddamn world with sses, whatever they are, and I dont have one? Well, that does sound about right. Its probably like running around half-naked in the center of New York. Fewer people than you might think actually care, but they do treat you like a massive weirdo once you approach them.
I knew this guy on the subway who always wore tank tops, no matter what season. It could be freezing, and the guy would wear tank tops all year round. Funny guy, but I would indeed never hang out with him in any other ce than the subway, where it could look like he struck up a conversation with me, and I was just being bothered by him.
In this case, I was the weirdo in the tank top, and the guards were me trying to escape such apany as soon as possible.
Yeah, one of those people who doesnt believe in sses and stuff like that.
Here we go, Im already one of those people who does something something.
Let me tell you, thats the worst kind of person you can ever be to someone. Once you are one of those people, society will relegate you to its darkest corners, with the rest of the misfits, degenerates, and French people.
When I enter the building, I find many more guards than I had imagined bustling around, some cleaning armor in the main hall, some chatting and waiting for their turns, and others just, well, guarding. Plus, theres a massive desk with a whole lot of clerks behind it and many queues right in front of it.
Lucillus puts a hand on my shoulder and starts steering me toward the said desk, to a particr section where no one seems to be queueing. I look at a sign right above those three clerks there, and it says Watch-only.
My brain, still shell-shocked about the change of worlds, finally realizes something. Im going to interact with one of the most hellish races who have been guing Earth since time immemorial. This time their name snakes around my ears with all the hate, the spite, and the horror of their profession.
Clerks.
The bane of society, the reason we cannot be better people. They slow down the progress of humanity as a whole with their ipetence, irritability, and irrational responses.
And the forms, oh boy, the forms.
I like to think that the only reason I ever let my mothere to work with me was that I didnt have to read anything pertaining to legal stuff, technicalities, and so on. I delegated every single legal matter to my mother. For all I knew, I didnt have a house or a business, and she owned everything. But Id rather find out one day that my mother sold everything and moved to Mexico with a toy-boy than having to go through the endless queues, forms, inspections, and so on.
If someone asked whether I would rather be bitten by a venomous snake or entertain a conversation with a clerk about which modules I needed to perform whatever legal thing I wanted to do, Id be already jumping in the Indiana Jones snake pit, even before the person had finished formting the question.
Oh, are we getting in the queue? horror and despair seep through my tone, and both guards look at me, then at each other.
No, we have the rooms for these interviews in the back. Antoninus will start on the forms needed for us to take you here. It will help expedite the process. Antoninus, the tall, green-eyed guard speaks to the burlier one for a second before thetter goes off to the counter reserved for Watch employees.
I almost vomit as a form of relief.
My mother told me I needed to see a therapist about this thing with clerks, but I swear to God, again, Id rather jump from the Brooklyn Bridge on a cold night than talk to a clerk.
Head-first.
Yeah, ma, I know I have some problem. Possibly psychiatric. Will that make me go to a therapist and confront my anxiety issues about paperwork, or will I simply keep avoiding paperwork forever?
Guess the answer.
But you will need to get in the civilians queue on your own if the interview reveals that you do not pose a danger for the city.
I look at him and nod, trying to find the most rational response.
Can I be put in prison, instead?
Huh? Antoninus stops midway and goes back to us, looks at Lucillus, maybe thinking there was a joke he didnt get.
What? Lucillus asks.
Prison, Id like to be put in prison. Im not going through forms or documents or, God forbid, and Jesus forgive me for saying their hellish name, a .
My mother once had toe to pick me up from the Police station because I had a car ident and refused to even look at the insurance forms. When she appeared with awyer, I almost flipped. An officer tackled me while I tried to run away. Dont get me wrong, I had already signed everything after my mother had read the documents, but I was not spending one more second in thepany of one of those devilish creatures.
Turns out that trying to sprint in a Police station is not a smart move and that a 240-pound officer can, and will, bruise your ribs with a tackle.
When my mother exined why I was running, half the station startedughing so hard that a couple of peeps almost managed to escape.
But Im digressing.
So, I state my intentions with the utmost calm and rationality.
I would rather get thrown in prison for a month than have to go through that queue with forms at the end. I invoke my rights as a citizen, and I beg you, throw me in jail.
Hopefully, they would listen.
Also, I hoped that they had some books in prison.
I wonder if I can read whatevernguage they write in. Wait, I can read the books cover. Then, it should be the same, I think.
Chapter 4: Interview
Chapter 4: Interview
Original Length: 1011 words.
Post Revision Length: 1028 words.
LET ME GO! IM NOT GOING THROUGH THE QUEUE! ITS MY RIGHT TO REQUEST BEING SENT TO Prison! LET ME GO, I SAID!
I never said I was a rational person.
I do like to read a lot, and I might give off the impression that Im some sort of a refined intellectualeven though my mother once said no one had ever thought that nor referred to me as one, and I was the only personbeling myself as a refined intellectual.
Well, back to the present problem, Im trying to shout, il my arms around, and run away from my doomed fate. I could have been facing a Dragon, and I would have simply died in a few seconds, charred, had I not picked up the damn heavy book that was still with me.
Many guards are looking at me with an amused look while Lucillus and Antoninus are literally dragging me, with my legs gone limp, toward the room where Im supposed to have the interview.
Cant we throw him away for a while? Antoninus grumbles.
Sure, and you tell Captain Drusillus we are taking up space in a cell because an idiot doesnt want to speak to a clerk. I so want to spend my next two weeks on the graveyard shift on the walls.
A woman Elf, the first I see up close,es out from the room, storming and shouting at the two guards.
Whats all this ruckus?! I was taking notes on my studies, and I almost broke my pen because of thismotion!
Antoninus and Lucillus hoist me up, already wincing since they expect me to scream again. But now, all the talk has gone out of me.
The woman I have in front of me is not just a younger Elf than the two guards, but she is most definitely my future wife. She has shoulder-length hair, a bit tomboyish, eyes so green and deep I think I just ended up in the Amazon Forest.
Haha! I kickstart my legs once again and pat the astonished Antoninus and Lucillus on the shoulders, freeing myself from their grasp.
We were jesting, miss, my deepest apologies. Antoninus and Lucillus were just a bit down, and I was trying to cheer them up. It wasnt my intention to disrupt your important work, I give her the most shameless smile in my life.
The two tall guards by my sides have nothing to say because what just came out of my mouth was so absurd that they are still catching up with reality. The woman eyes me with a bit of suspicion, but then she wrinkles her beautiful nose and gestures toward the door.
You are here for a mage-conducted interview, right?
I most certainly am, I say with the broadest smile a person can muster.
I put the spell-book that I had been holding to my chest under my armpit again, and I follow her into the room, winking toward the two wide-eyed guards and closing the door right behind me.
I am Officer Lucinda, my future wife says, and I will conduct this interview under a truth stone with you.
She whips out what looked like the medieval version of a legal pad.
First andst name, please.
Joey Luciani, single, not married, I state candidly.
The truth stone, a simple gem on the center of the table, shines a bright green.
Didnt ask thatst part, she replies while not taking her eyes off the pad and only ncing once at the stone.
Once she has my identity down, she continues.
Mr. Luciani, whats your order of business here?
I found myself without a penny under unknown circumstances, and I would like to find a job as a baker in the city to pay for amodation and food. Maybe even buy a book or two if they are not too expensive.
The stone shes green once again, and she jots down what I just said with mechanical precision. She doesnt just have the uracy of a machine, though, but also the coldness.
Mr. Luciani
Please, call me Joey, I smile.
Mr. Luciani, so is [Baker] your main ss?
I have no sses.
The stone shes green, but she doesnt write on the pad this time.
No sses?
Yep, I nod while pointing toward the truth stone shing green.
How old are you? she asks me with a frown.
Well, officer Lucinda, it kind of depends on how old you are and if you date younger men, I return the question with a smile.
See, I have every problem in the world with approaching a girl without a pretext. Im not good at cold approaches. But once you say even just hello, well, we start dancing, baby.
It is in your interest to know that I can dere you not just unfit to receive a city approval to work here, but I could also g you as a dangerous individual.
The truth stone shes green.
Oh, it goes both ways.
Thats interesting.
I would rather go to prison than have to go through all the forms for the city, I say with a bright smile, but Im happy I got the most beautiful Officer in the city with me, so beautiful I could even go through a library card registration process if you were my library clerk.
Green, green and green.
Not a lying bone in this body, Officer Lucinda.
She narrows her eyes, clearly not happy that a human weirdo was trying to hit on her. But as I always told my mom, dating is like game theory.
And that was pretty much it. I have no idea how game theory works, but neither does my mom.
Officer Lucinda bends to fish something from her loose robe and slowly rests a stick oh, thats a magic wand! on the table.
I am entitled to use force in case the subject has any intention of harassing me in any way.
Green.
Oh boy.
I wouldnt mind you using force on me, Officer Lucinda, I sh a wink at her.
And the other thing that shes is
Green, baby.
Chapter 5: Holding Hands
Chapter 5: Holding Hands
Original Length: 965 words.
Post Revision Length: 1101 words.
See, Officer Lucinda, I find clerks rather hellish in nature. I mean, all their little gestures, the lingo they use to clearly make you confused I mean, no one knows what module 57B is, dont be smug about it,e on. And thats why I imagine that Hell is just a huge post office with infinite floors, where clerks send you from one ce to another, and you can never file your application to Heaven, forever damned to this eternal torment of bureaucracy.
Lucinda is looking at me as if I was a madman.
I mean, she is not that far off, is she? Plus, does she even know what hell is? Isnt that a very human concept? But doesnt every culture have its own version of hell? Too many questions. I take a glimpse at the curve her robe makes on the chest area; now Im happier, and my mind reached a truly zen state. In fact, who needs philosophical questions when you have that in front of you? Also, she looks like someone whos packing in the caboose department too. What a catch, two for the price of one hot Elf.
Arent I lucky?
I got here through a huge dimensional shenanigan or something, I have what could be a spellbook of mass destruction, and here I am, flirting with the cutest officer of the Watch. Im having a field day!
Mr. Luciani, can we please get back to the interview? Do you even want to go out and find a job?
I mean, on the one hand, sure. I like baking. On the other, it would mean Id have to go through the queue, and Id have to leave thepany of the most beautiful officer in the city.
Mr. Luciani she starts with an exasperated tone.
Call me Joey, please, I smile warmly.
Do you n on hurting anyone in the city, Joey? she asks with an angry frown.
Only if they are your boyfriend, Officer.
Green.
And even in that case, only their feelings, by stealing you away.
Green.
Officer Lucinda has probably never had to face a cute bag of tricks like me. I might be a little overboard and overly cheesy, for sure, but this approach has worked wonders before! And if I can get a date with the cutest Elf girl, I swear, God, I swear to you and on you that I will stop hating this race!
Do you carry any items that could be potentially dangerous?
Uh-oh.
She sees me hesitating, and for the first time, she raises an eyebrow in a very inquisitive manner.
Oh my, that really makes my heart flutter.
Well I start, trying to think of a goodeback. But shes looking at me with those deep green eyes, and this time, I have nothing ready!
What? You thought I wasing up with everything on the spot? Tsk, this takes preparation. Im used to rehearsing conversations aloud while baking or with my mom. You dont get smooth responses like mine just on the spur of the moment.
So, Joey, what are you hiding?
This time, she smiles. Shes clearly happy to have caught me with something. And, let me tell you, Im dying from how cute she looks with that impish grin. I wish I could make her a pie and bring it to her when shes overworked; then I would look at the sweet and grateful expression while I drop off the snack, give her a warm smile, a little peck on the lips, and go back to the bakery.
Ill repeat myself, she says with her beautiful evil smile, what are you hiding?
Well, not my crush on you, thats clear.
Green.
That was good improv, I must give it to me.
She looks a bit troubled by my revtion, but thats exactly what I want. She will think about me, thats for sure. And I do intend toe back here as soon as possible. Not to go to jail, obviouslyprobably.
So, what is it? she rests a hand on her wand.
Cant lie to my future wife, can I? Especially if she wants to fry me to death.
This bad boy here, I p the cover of the book, might be choke-full of dangerous protection spells that dont trigger when I touch it, but that has so far eliminated every single life form that came in contact with it.
Did you get that from a Dungeon? she raises an eyebrow after seeing that the truth stone shed green.
I think so? I mean, Im not sure what you would ssify as a Dungeon, but I would probably call it so.
The truth stone shes green, even if lighter than before. Apparently, not being sure of something makes for unclear answers.
Well, you will need to bring the spellbook to a certified [Enchanter] and submit a form
No, no, no. Im not doing any forms. Cuff me, right now.
I volunteer my wrists toward Lucinda.
Its a simple form, literally one page of
Cuffs, please! No forms! PLEASE!
She is speechless. How a person can be so scared of bureaucracy is probably beyond her. But I value my time and my life. Id rather do a month in prison and have a new set of stories to tell on my next date than write down things on a stupid form. Things that I know I would get wrong.
And if you think Im paranoid, please do consider that you are talking to a man who just got catapulted in a new dimension with a cursed spellbook and who basically got arrested in the first ten minutes of his adventure.
Just saying.
If that spellbook is any good, Officer Lucinda said while rubbing her forehead, you might think about bing an adventurer. With some basic spells, you could make some coins and then
Nope. Not interested. The only thing Ill risk my life with is diabetes from eating sweets for the next fifty years of my life, thank-you-very-much.
You might have a good spellbook on your hands, and you are not interested in adventuring? What were you doing in a Dungeon, then? And arent you interested in testing your magical talent? I could do it even here and now.
Now that shes talking magic, her eyes are zing.
Do you need to hold my hand to test my talent? I ask, curious.
Not really, you can simply stay there, and I can fetch a stone that
Not interested then, I say with a smile.
Chapter 6: 27/9
Chapter 6: 27/9
So, apparently Lucinda wants me to go to an [Enchanter] in a few days and she even offered to escort me if I let her peak at the spellbook after we discover if its going to kill the next person who tries to use it.
Yo, Lucillus! I catch the guard filling out some forms while I steer away from the clerks.
Whooh, you? You passed the interview, I gather, he stares at me.
Yeah, baby, I p his shoulder, happy I got to spend all that time with Officer Lucinda, my future wife.
Lucillus looks at his shoulder and then at my hand the same way you would stare at a corpse and the person who just murdered it.
Can I help you? hes cold and distant with me, but I need to find a way to make some money before Im forced to sleep on the streets.
Listen, I need someone to introduce me to a job or two. I guess people here dont like humans that much, but I need some coin to sleep in an inn or something. I cant keep wandering around all night. Im more of an inn person, not the wandering type.
He looks at me and then puts his eyes back to the form hes filling out.
Come on, Lucillus, I bet we can help each other! Im a baker! You know who likes cakes and sweets? Women! And you look like someone whos not sharing his cakes with anyone, otherwise you wouldnt be so grumpy, am I right? I can help you get to whomever you need to. Come on, man,e on.
The tall Elf stares down at me. Im quite tall myself at 6 feet and 3 inches, but the guy breaks the 66 easily.
Was Lucinda taller or shorter? God, I didnt notice!
I see Lucillus hesitate for a fraction of a second and I pounce on the asion to capitalize.
I am a great baker, one of the best! And Im good at decorating! I can make you all the cakes, sweets, and cookies you want if you help me find a job.
As soon as I see the man sigh, I know I have his coboration. Tiring out the prey is the first rule of how to get people to help you in life. Once you tread the obnoxious/funny line long enough, you be endearing enough to not get kicked (constantly) and tiring enough that people just want to get rid of your problems so they can get rid of you.
Its a skill, Im telling you.
Theres a bakery that provides rations for when you go out for a day or two and meals for our own mess hall. My cousin works there. If you can wait ten minutes, Ill submit my report for the day and introduce you to her. If you mess up, you are on your own. My cousin is very strict and serious about her job. Now, just be quiet while Im doing this.
I spend the next ten minutes smiling around while sitting at the table with the other guards and Lucillus,pletely rxed. They are all filling some forms. Id be curious to see their penmanship and the writtennguage, but Im not going to read any forms, not even if they are someone elses.
Once my mother asked why I was so afraid of forms that did not pertain to me. It was a good question.
Well, once you see other forms, you might realize you are missing a permit, that somethings expiring, or that you might go to jail because the fire rm system doesnt really work.
Now, would you rather spend thest week of your life knowing you are going to jail, trying to fix the unfixable? Wouldnt you rather enjoy the vacation that is, indeed, life?
Well, my mother would repeat again that I needed a psychiatrist, and a good one at that.
It was always surprising when she said that, considering that my family was very traditionalist and considered mental health a taboo. Well, look at that, I am the breaker of chains, the wind of progress that makes the most skeptic people want to believe that psychiatrists actually work because, if they dont, they are stuck with me.
Im always there when mankind calls, baby.
Lets get going, Lucillus grumbles at me.
So, if she has to both bake for the morning and for the Watch, is your cousins shop open 24/7?
Whats twentyfourseven? Lucillus asks.
I mean, is it open twenty-four hours out of twenty-four?
He keeps staring at me as if Im stupid or something.
You mean 27/9? he asks.
What?
27/9.
27/9? I am bedazzled.
Yes, he stares confusedly at me.
You mean that we have twenty-seven hours in a day and there are nine days per week?
Yes? my question carries such incredulity that he seems to doubt his own statement.
Ha. Thats interesting. Im going to get a massive jeg, I suppose, I shrug. Better than getting burned alive by a Dragon.
He looks at me weirdly, but this Lucillus does not make anyments.
I guess he doesnt want to prolong this conversation much more.
Well, whats your cousin like? Is she hot?
For the first time since I got here, he smiles radiantly. He seems rejuvenated by the question, so happy he could cry from the joy hes currently overwhelmed with.
Shes a massive bitch, isnt she?
Shes very hard on her employees. We had to hold her off once because she almost beat a man to death.
Well, shes a massive violent bitch.
As expected.
Thank you, Lady Luck.
Chapter 7: Chef
Chapter 7: Chef
A very fit elf stares at me with a frown that puts Lucilluss to shame. This woman has a cute pink apron on her front, on top of a medieval chef attire; but if she didnt have that, she could have easily given a military general a run for their money.
How you doin? I ask with a wide smile while winking.
She slowly takes out a massive wooden spoon from a pocket in her apron and starts tapping her other hand with it.
Do you want me to go to prison again? she asks her cousin.
This guy says hes a baker and that hes good, Clodia. I dont know how he got here, but hes one of those ssless weirdos and needs a job. He currently doesnt have a penny. And you alwaysin with Aunt Marce that you dont have enough good workers.
She doesnt bother replying to her cousin and just stares at me.
Hey, nice to meet you Im Jo
What kind of baking can you do? she interrupts me ruthlessly.
Shes kinda hot once you get over the fact that shes probably stronger than me and shes my exact same height.
Im specialized in cakes, frosting and decorating. I can make bread easily. I can make savory pastries, like sugarless croissants, and prepare a good filling that will fly off the shelves. The only problem is that Im not from anywhere close and I may need a day or two to adjust to your ingredients.
Honest, at least. Is that a spellbook?
Yeah, trying to learn how to spit fire or something to incorporate it in my desserts. I think I could pull off a mean Crme Brule if I could have nice control over the size and the temperature of the me.
She stares at me hard and then naturally asks.
Whats a crme parle?
Brule. You take some custard and caramelize the sugar on top with a me.
Caramelize? she raises an eyebrow.
Heat the sugar so much it bes a liquid?
She takes me by my shirt and starts dragging me toward theb.
We dont have a open me to use to caramelize the toppings, sadly. But I just heat up the sugar and mix it a bit with a rudimentary whisk to make it liquid.
She stares at the thing, enraptured.
I didnt know sugar did that, she says whispering.
No one ever tried? You have a bakery, magic, and God knows what, and no one had ever thought of caramel? Dudette, we can be rich with this simple trick alone, up top!
I raise my five, but she looks at me confused.
You p the hand with yours, like that.
I high-five myself and then we try again.
She almost breaks my hand, shoulder no, the entire arm.
Also, it kind of turned me on, to be fair. I fancy me a strong girl. Even though Officer Lucinda is my biggest crush at the moment; but its not like we are married. Yet.
Whats your name?
Apparently, now she wants to know.
Joey Luciani, miss Clodia.
Weird name, she shrugs and goes for a handshake. And its chef Clodia for you.
To be honest, Im a bit hesitant considering that she almost broke my hand in two with the previous high-five. But I do wonder what this beautiful woman can do in bed to a man.
I grin like an idiot while she mauls my hand.
In that moment, a super cute Elf, much shorter than us,es to Clodia.
Chef, sorry to interrupt, but we have a VIP customer waiting for you. They want a custom dessert for the dance they are hosting.
This shorter Elf has some serious curves and I regret that shes wearing the all-covering uniform. I bet she has some raging well, lets not be crass now. Lets say shes hiding quite the treasure hoard under that ensemble.
Well, being among Elves has not been that bad so far.
Did Lucinda have? I cant remember now. God, how did I not notice? What if she has little plums?
Ill be there shortly. Let me arrange some work for the human, first, Vinte.
I stare at Vintes backside.
Thank God not all elves are super slender with a ballerina physique. While I turn to my new head chef, I notice that shes staring with the same grin I was donning a second ago.
Wait a second.
WAIT A SECOND.
Oh man, Clodia bats for the other team, doesnt she?
Second hot girl I meet in a day and shes gay?
I mean, Ive just arrived. I havent even settled. I cant just ept her not being a possible love interest.
Isnt it a little weird that Im in medieval times and I already met a member of the LGBTQmunity?
Whats this, a Netflix show?
What about my strong girl fantasies, huh?
Clodia turns at me and immediately notices that Im looking at her weirdly.
You have a problem, human? she has spotted my disappointed expression.
Just wish I was a woman, now, boss, I give her my signature wink, adding a nice click with the side of my mouth.
I perfected this move in front of a mirror, practiced it a thousand times until it reached perfect smoothness.
Clodia raises an eyebrow and snorts.
You wish, she shakes her head and points me toward a corner of theb, you are going to start preparing the ingredients for the night shift. Unless you are too good for that.
Oh, a test.
Not a problem.
I have to physically refrain from winking, this time. It may appear I have a tic, like subway-girl.
Did the subway girl tell me her name?
Oh, shoot. I dont remember.
And while I ponder matters of extraordinary importance, Clodia moves forward with her schedule.
Raissa,e here! Clodia shouts so loud that I would drop a te if I had one. No one else seems even remotely fazed, though.
Chef? another Elf, this one quite in,es answering the call.
Teach Joey how to arrange the ingredients for the night shift. And show him around. When hes done, let him rest in the break room.
Yes, chef, the Elf woman does not even blink at the orders.
Clodia runs a pretty tight ship, huh?
If you dont behave, human, Ill have your guts be the filling of my next pie. Is that clear?
My signature winkes out on its own volition this time.
Sure, boss.
Chapter 8: Flour, Yeast, Sugar
Chapter 8: Flour, Yeast, Sugar
You have to prepare the various types of flour for the other employees, Raissa exins to me.
Make the work easier for the others, I nod. Ive had high schoolers in the paste work for me to make a few bucks and they did pretty much the same kind of things.
Maybe another person in my position would be offended by the humble job they just gave me, but I really dont care.
We have put tags to make this easier for people trying out the job. And dont worry, everyone started out doing this, she adds with a sweet tone in her voice, probably thinking Id be bummed out by the work.
Girl, I have Italian American parents. I know a degree of exploitation that you have no idea of. I ved away countless times in the family restaurant.
Moving a few ingredients around and arranging them between tables? Tsk, its nothing for this big boy.
Sure, its nothing until I see that the flour bags that she wants me to haul probably weight around 120 pounds each.
Wait a second, how much bread do you even ship out every day?
She shrugs.
No idea. But we go through ten to fifteen of those bags each day, just for the bread. We always make a bit more for the Watch too, just in case.
Goddamn medieval times and their carb-rich diets.
I can already feel my arms turning to jelly, but I just keep smiling while I slowly die inside.
Wait.
My ears turn off while I watch the shorter and thinner girl.
How does she take those huge bags?
What level are you in cooking-rted sses? I hear Raissa ask.
No sses yet, I smile.
Oh, she looks at me with a slight frown.
Once again, Im one of those people. At least, thats what her stare tells me.
But it doesnt really matter. I can change peoples mind. Ive done it before, and I can do it again, baby!
Then, you have to put all the necessary bowls on the tables. You will find them in the cupboard. Ill show you, dont worry.
Raissa goes on and exins to me a very neat system.
Its a good thing that I have a memory of steel for everything rted to baking. I still cannot remember my parents birthdays, but I could recall a thousand and one recipes in an instant
She asks me for a demonstration, and I start hauling one of those giant sacks of flour. We have some big bags in my own bakery too, but I started ordering the smaller ones to make it more convenient for me and my employees to move them around.
My mother used a not-very-nice adjective that I shall not repeat to describe myziness.
I put the right bowls, some wooden spoons, salt and so on, on the table.
As soon as Im done with the first twelve tables, I notice something.
Wheres the yeast? I ask confused. The sugar is missing too, but if the yeast is not there, it does make sense that theres no sugar.
The what? Raissa looks at me curiously.
Holy.
They dont use yeast.
WE ARE BECOMING RICH, BABY!
Nothing, it doesnt matter, I say while an idea creeps in, can you point out a ce where I can buy beer wholesale, perhaps?
Sure, there are a few breweries I can show you on the city mapter.
Im so going to blow Clodias mind!
Im so exhrated that I almost dont feel the pain in my arms while I carry thest bags of flour.
Even if it looks easy, it takes almost two hours to arrange everything, clean the tables from residues of the previous night, and double check the tools to make sure they are both clean and still perfectly functioning.
By the end of it, I realize that Im quite dead. I dont take the night shift in my bakery anymore, thankfully. But I was transported to this new dimension in the evening and now its morning. Even if I joked about it before, I am jetgged.
Wait, dimensiongged?
There is a joke there. Its better if I start thinking about it. Im sure Ill be abducted or something at some point, and I might need some humor to entertain my captors and make sure they dont skin me alive too soon.
My mom always tells me Im way too paranoid. I like to think Im very prepared. I always tell her that if I ever end up in prison because of some clerical stuff I didnt do which she says is impossible, but thats because she trusts them I already have a n sketched out.
Im a baker, right? I will probably go to a minimum-security prison, or even get house arrest.
So, if I got min-security, Id simply ask the prison ward to have me lead a baking program. Then, Ill pay off my dues to some gangs in the form of sweets.
I can imagine the conversations.
Yo, Joey Luciani is a good piece of ass.
You better not touch him, pal.
Oh, and why is that?
Hes under the protection of the cake-act. He makes cakes for all the gangs, and no one touches his ass.
Thats my n in case I go to prison.
If they get me a house arrest, Ill just open a baking ount on social media. I think we might have one, but Im not sure. My mother records around a hundred videos of me doing stuff every day. It may be that she either forgets my face when she goes back home and doesnt see me for barely ten hours, or we do have a social media ount and she opened it without my permission.
Knowing the woman, Id say we have a 50-50 chance of it being one or another. Or even both.
Chapter 9: Kneading
Chapter 9: Kneading
Is the human resting? Clodia asked Raissa.
The head chef had just spent almost an hour going over the details of their VIP customer.
He is in the back, as you told me, chef. He was really tired.
Lazy humans. They are so frail. Anyway, how much did hein? Are we going to keep him or is he too much of a little girl?
He didntin, chef, Raissa said with a frown, but he did talk my ears off until I left him alone with several feet between us.
He does talk a lot, Clodia scratched her chin thoughtfully.
Chef, I know that some of us dont really like humans. But I think that in the future we might want him in the front desk. I bet that people would buy anything just to shut him up.
Both Raissa and Clodiaughed at that.
Well, if he didntin, wake him up in time for the night shift. Ill be back here anyway. This human knows some very weird baking methods and Im going to pry all of them out of him.
When I wake up, Im not feeling great.
Mind you, I dont think Im supposed to feel great. There is a whole bunch of thoughts that Ive been Matrix-dodging since I have arrived here.
For example, what about my family, my bakery shop, my cat.
Well, my cat is an asshole who likes my neighbor Sarah more than me. But I do like my neighbor Sarah more than him too, so, thats that.
No more bills and no more rent, though. Being catapulted across dimensions has its benefits. And mom told me there was going be a tax audit or something like that. She also said we were squeaky clean and that ass tax officers should go well, lets skip that part.
Anyway, as soon as I wake up and open the door, I find Clodia in front of it.
Shes giving me the full-rookie wringer, alright.
Good morning, princess, she smiles evilly.
Morning, beautiful, I reply without missing a beat.
Are you ready for the hardest work you ever performed in your life? she starts pushing me toward theb once again.
I really want to ask how long Im going to run night shifts for, but I know that that is the wrong question. If you asked that my father, you might be working night shifts for the next five years.
Its his Italian roots or something. Sometimes I like to joke that my house is a Chinese re-education camp, but that offends both my family and some Asian friends of mine. I mean, some other Asian friends really hate China, so its always a mixed bag.
Back to the wrong question, now.
Born ready to work, boss. Will you introduce me to my co-workers? I ask with a smile.
Always be friendly in the workce. Do not make enemies, unless someone throws boiling oil at you or something like that. Working in a restaurant, or a bakery for that matter, is like being in a trench. You dont have time for petty squabbles. You are paddling up craps creek together and you dont want a person to row in the opposite direction and drag you back toke liquid poop.
So, Im ready to make friends. Especially because I do need friends in this city.
Whats the name of the city again?
Well, it doesnt matter.
I get introduced to every person by Clodia. She tells me a quick fact about everyone, and Imit everything to memory. Names and personal histories are another very important thing in a workce.
I just hope no one is racist or anything like that.
I do wonder if this is how ck people sometimes feel around white people. Are we the Elves and they are the humans of our world?
And didnt I just say something slightly racist?
Well.
This is minia and shes going to be your supervisor. Do whatever she tells you to, no questions asked.
I look at the Elf named minia, almost as tall as Clodia, but much more feminine, and with big, round doe eyes.
Now that I look around, I notice that we dont have male bakers. Is it a gendered profession or is it because Clodia prefers women to men?
Well, Im not going toin.
Hi, minia, Im Joey. Joey Luciani. Thank you in advance for your help, I say with arge smile.
Dont let him butter you up. Hes clearly a butt-kisser, Clodia tells the other woman, whos clearly much sweeter and softer than the chef.
Clodia, dont abuse the poor human, minia sighs. Nice to meet you.
She gives me a nice and normal handshake that doesnt break my hand and thats enough for me to like her to death.
She has a chefs hat but her pink haires out of it rebelliously.
Thats an unexpected color.
Its dyed, she tells me.
Oops, staring much, Joey?
Its very beautiful, I reply with my signature wink and tongue click.
Clodia rolls up her eyes to the ceiling, while miniaughs with a hand on her mouth. Her pointy ears jiggle a bit while shes giggling.
Hes a smooth talker, Clodia, minia eyes the head chef.
And then I notice that minia has not called Clodia chef once. Interesting. Childhood friends? Lovers?
You two, get going and get going fast, chop-chop, Clodia tells us and then hurries to some other workers.
So, she told me you already have experience, but no sses and no skills yet. Dont worry, though, Im not one to judge
I was thinking of picking up a ss and skills as soon as possible, minia, I say, interrupting her, I just had some reasons because of which I couldnt have picked up anything before. Now, though, Im peachy.
I shoot another wink and she replies with a giggle.
Lets get working, then.
She starts mixing up the ingredients on the table at a speed that shouldnt be humanly, or otherwise elvenly, possible.
Oh, you must be new to skills, right? Well, this is [Fast Kneading], one of the first skills I got when I got the [Baker] ss.
My brain against my conscious will, I swear immediately wonders if that skill can knead other stuff too. I keep smiling and asking minia questions, while my eyes wonder from time to time to the front part of her apron, where a sizeable bump makes my thoughts go astray.
Chapter 10: Baking
Chapter 10: Baking
Nipples? minia asks.
Nipples! I say.
Nipples?
NIPPLES! Iugh out loud.
I dont believe it, sheughs too.
Oh, you better.
Shes impressed by how fast we finished together and now were having a sweet recess, while some other peoplee and clean our table.
You are telling me that some people in your country make cakes that look like nipples?
Its not from my country, its more like where my parentse from. They do these small white cakes that look like boobs with a candied cherry on top. They are delicious!
I swear minia cant stopughing. She is basically bent over the table holding for her dear life.
Theughter is so loud that Clodia swiftlyes toward us, worried that Im hampering the productivity of the all-female workce with my manly ways.
minia, you t-eared dumbell, whats so funny, huh?
Boobs! minia keepsughing, apparently finding the idea of a boob-cake the most hrious thing in the world.
Boobs? Clodia slowly spells out the word while turning her head toward me like an owl. In a creepy Im going to peck your eyes out way, if its not clear enough.
Judging from the murderous stare, she thinks that I made an inappropriate joke, doesnt she?
I was describing a cake that looks like a boob. And they call it St. Agathas Nipple, I raise my hands defensively. And we had already finished the kneading and all!
Clodia looks at our table, which is indeed clean after we deposited the dough in some huge containers. I do wonder how they make it rise without yeast, honestly.
So you didnt make inappropriatements in regards to minia, did you?
To be fair, I stop thinking about all the jokes I cracked before, trying to figure out whether or not some of them were inappropriate. Knowing me, the answer is probably yes, some were extremely inappropriate.
But now, look at the real magic.
Oh, Clodia,e on. The kid was just telling me a couple of things from wherever hees from. He wasnt inappropriate and hes one of your hardest workers. He managed to almost keep my pace without skills! Give him a break, will you?
Whatever, Clodia stares at me from head to toe and then shrugs. Then, she goes on with her work somewhere else.
minia winks at me and clears away someughter tears from her eyes.
Come on, lets get going, Im going to show you something that will to blow your mind.
[Dough Raise]
Im looking at multiple people channeling a skill to make the dough rise inside the massive metallic containers.
Now, we have to wait a couple of hours for the whole skill to work its magic and thats going to make our bread super puffy! minia tells me while sticking out her chest proudly.
So, you use skills to make the bread rise, huh, I scratch my chin, thoughtful.
What else would you use? she looks at me as if Im some kind of a savage.
Well, you will have to coerce the answer out of me, I wink at minia.
These youngsters she mumbles in good will.
Oh yeah, they are terrible people, arent they? I put both hands on my sides and nod wisely.
At some point, my jokes should have stopped working. Im honestly still tired even after having slept for so long. I cant help it, the dimensionalg has thrown me for a loop.
We start baking the bread as soon as the skills have run out.
Which shapes? I ask curiously.
Mh? minia and I have started speaking a bit less. She, too, is getting a bit tired.
Which shapes do we need for the bread? I take some oil to lubricate my hands and avoid the dough sticking to them.
The usual shapes? Long ones for the bigger ones meant for families, smaller round circles for the bread we are sending to the Watch, and so on.
I look around for a second, confused. It is true that in an establishment this big it makes sense to streamline things as much as possible, but I do feel like they could have done something better.
However, as soon as I see a sh of tiredness in minias eyes, I immediately smile and copy the shapes shes putting on the massive steel tray.
There are moments to be a smartass and there are moments when you dont want to rock the boat. Read the room, rookie.
The ovens are massive constructions that are fed wood by the shovel and with three people manning them at all times.
They have variants of the [Cook] ss specialized in managing ovens and temperatures. The guy there is a [Apprentice cksmith] whoes here to help manage the ovens for the bread batches and makes a pretty penny out of it.
These people are trained very well and they switch back and forth with grace you would never find in any bakery on Earth. Only huge fast-food chains are probably more efficient, but thats to the detriment of quality.
I wouldnt say that me and minia became thick as thieves in our first shift together, but I certainly found a friend for the future.
Hey, minia. You dont happen to know Officer Lucinda, do you? I try to keep it as casual as possible, but the Elf woman has already pinned down my behavior.
I would advise against whatever you are thinking, Joey, she says with a smirk, shes a very talented mage, gunning for the Nine Towers Academy. Shes working for the Watch mostly because she wants to make some money on her own.
Woah, do you have a file on her or something? If so, can I have it?
Chapter 11: Housing
Chapter 11: Housing
Luciani,e with me. We need to get you somewhere to sleep. Come on, chop-chop, little human, Clodia has the impressive ability of marching, shouting, taking my arm and starting to push me out of theb while making it seempletely normal.
I have a friend who manages a houseplex close-by, Clodia says with a serious face, Im not sure I want to know what you are doing here, honestly. But if you passed the interview, you are not a problem, right?
Nope. Imy current predicament is plenty weird, but unless someone touches this, I point at the spellbook, I shouldnt pose any danger. I mean, unless you have bad ingredients and someone gets diarr
Clodia ps the back of my neck so fast I almost fall forward.
My ingredients are the best! she says to the ear of mine shes now twisting.
And listen, Luciani, I like helping people, but if you cause one problem for my girls, I will have you hanging by the balls and I will personally put a few arrows through your eyes while you y the swinging target. Tell me that Ive been clear enough, now, Clodia is kind of hurting my ear, to be honest.
But before I can say anything orin, the wordse out of my mouth almost against my will.
I have no intention of harming anyone, even though I wouldnt refuse sleeping with a cute co-worker.
My eyes go wide and Clodia releases me.
Well, you are a male and thats to be expected. Happy that we can go on with our business without a problem.
My mind is still reeling. What did just happen?
Its a skill, Joey. [Make It a Safe Workce], it helps me filter people and make sure no one messes around in myb. I can coerce bad intentions out of employees, spot trouble arising, and even spot trouble in your personal life, Clodia provides the answer to the question I havent asked yet. And you dont reek of trouble at all. No, my skill is so freakishly calm around you that I dont even understand whats going on. Dont you know anyone in this world? Dont you have one problem?
Huh, interesting.
The skill didnt pick up anything from me because I dont have anyone around here that I messed up with. I must look like a saint through the skill.
Just relocated and I didntdont have much left to my life. Im starting with a clean te and I dont intend to trouble you, Clodia, I do feel the need to add, I do regret, though, that I dont have much of a chance with you.
She frowns, more confused than angry.
I just threatened you, roughed you up a little and you are thinking about me?
Men are pigs, I say with the cheeriest smile.
Men are pigs, she ps my shoulder and leads the way towards my new home.
An Elf with silver hair is looking down at me.
Are all Elves this freakishly tall? I dont understand. Does this mean I cant y the Im so freaking tall card with women? Man, dont I start with a huge handicap, then?
You brought a human, Clodia? the silver haired Elf narrows her eyes.
Shut it, old hag. I can guarantee for the human, hes working for me, Clodia shoots back, unfazed.
And why do I care, pray tell, the older Elf crosses her arms and stares right through my current new boss.
I can bring back some sweets? I volunteer an answer that earns me two hard stares. And my name is Joey. Joey Luciani. How you doin?
The silver-haired Elf stares back and forth from me to Clodia.
After a good half a minute of awkward silence, she nods and fishes out a couple of keys from a pocket of her long robe.
This is for the gate at the entrance. This one is for your room. You pay every week, but dont worry about that. Clodia is going to take that from your pay and volunteer two months of rent in advance.
My boss doesnt look thrilled about that.
There is a little stove with a heating rune. The cupboard has a preservation rune. You ruin any of those two runes and you pay a fine to have an [Enchanter] inscribe them again. The bathroom is shared and if you receive any messages or letters, the guard at the entrance will take them for you.
Im nodding throughout the whole thing, even though I have no idea how to use a heating rune or whatever is inside my freshly-rented apartment.
Questions? the woman asks.
I didnt get your name, I smile brightly.
Thats because I didnt tell you, the woman promptly leaves me and Clodia hanging in front of whats my new amodation.
Shes like that, dont worry, Clodia breathes out, almost deting. It was a bit stressing talking to the older woman. But now, an interesting question takes over my mind.
How old do Elves get? I ask, curious.
What do you mean? Clodia frowns.
Dont Elves live longer than humans?
What? Apart from the fact that humans are tasteless creatures who cannot refrain from killing each other at every twist and turn, we pretty much live for the same amount of time. Sixty is probably a lucky age to get to, on average. There are older bags, people with high enough levels that even their lifespans, if affected. Then, on the other end, adventurers probably die around thirty. I am twenty-six and
YOU ARE WHAT? I almost faint hearing that.
Twenty-six, and as I was saying
Twenty-six?! But Im twenty-three and you look much I bit my tongue and immediately cursed my damn mouth.
I look much what? Do finish the sentence, Luciani, Clodia narrows her eyes so much they are now arrow-slits.
You look like the most stunning woman who ever walked the Elvennds.
Clodia cracks a fist a very un-elven move, if you ask me.
But talking un-elven things, while I ignore my boss threatening to kill me right here and now, Im surprised Elves dont live more than humans.
What a weird world.
Chapter 12: Lesson 1
Chapter 12: Lesson 1
Imying down on a weird mattress. Its quite hard and probably stuffed with God-knows-what.
At this moment, it finally gets to me. It being the reality of having travelled to another world without any chance to go back; any chance in in sight, at least. Im not even sure that looking for a way back is the smartest choice.
Theres this magical phenomenon when, one second, its all good for us humans: everything looks pretty and doable. Then, the next second, one thing goes out of ce, and we start spiralling out of control. Looking for a solution that doesnt exist would quite ruin my life, wouldnt it?
I can feel the anxiety in my neck, chest and arms. My stomach too, I think. Its like getting a twenty-year-old fine for some unpaid taxes that has got in the range of millions. You cant pay it. You will never be able to. Theres no way out and, suddenly, you have lost everything, and no matter whom you talk to, you are done.
Being in another world and panicking, just the teensiest bit, is in my rights. But I know myself and I know that if I start panicking, Ill probably fall in that sorry state for a month or something.
Well, better distract myself before I start puking my breakfast. I had a nice sandwich with minia during our break. I could have done with a croissant, but thats another thing they dont seem to know.
I get up and finally decide to do what anyone else in my situation would have done in the first minutes since arriving in this world.
Ok, book, show me whatve you got, I say while moving my hand toward the cover to open the tome. Im really curious about this Magical Theory The Omnium Compendium.
Next, the book shoots up in the air, one foot from my face, and it turns to a nk page.
ck ink slowly materializes on it.
ce your hand on the page for the proficiency assessment.
Where other people would have doubted or brought this thing to get evaluated before messing with it, I smile and ce my hand there.
The ck ink fades and a new sentence appears.
Proficiency: ...none
That sound about right, I answer.
Another sentence appears below the second.
Dear disciple, I hope youve got my wondrous gift and that you will one day share it with the most talented [Mage] you know. This Relic is my lifes achievement. It will teach you all that I could not. We will revolutionize the field of magic teaching thanks to this Relic! If you ever meet the Meteor Archmage after bing an [Archmage] yourself, please, do st him into nothingness on my behalf. Im still sick thinking about the disgusting dinner he treated me to at thest Magical University.
There were a few more personal notes that made meugh but carried no meaning to me.
Suddenly, the ink faded again, and the book materialized another sentence.
Lay your hands on both pages for the talent assessment.
I was going to suck, wasnt I?
I have a self-teaching thingy that should teach me magic. If its anything like the Indian YouTubers who taught me math in high school, this is going to be a st. But even with the ungodly talent of those Indian dudes, I could barely cram the necessary notions to pass Calculus. By my standards, at least.
Iy my hands on the page, waiting for the disheartening judgement.
Talent level: 23!
I remove my hands to see if theres anything more written there. But nope, nothing.
Well, thats... I dont know. What the hell does 23 mean? 23pared to what?
My swearing is interrupted by a new paragraph appearing.
An appropriate route to learn magic will be formted shortly. Magister Mulligan enabled the homework function by default for his dear disciple. He also enabled the efficient homework punishing system: [Thunderbolt Curse] applied to the student.
For an instant, I feel an electric sensation through my veins. However, it goes away the next second, leaving me wondering if it even happened.
If homework is notpleted, the student will suffer an electric shock as strong as the number of the remaining exercises. Beware! Have a healing potion on hand in case youve decided to ck off.
Reading the warning at the end of the paragraph, I do feel like cursing. This book seems like the kind of thing that some adventurer nut would want to use.
Book, I want to be a baker, cant you take off this curse?
The book doesnt react to meining.
Or so I thought.
A jolt of electricity courses through my entire body, making me spasm. I cant even shout because my muscles are seizing up on the spot.
Itsts something like two seconds, but to me, it was like two hours.
There is noining on the path to be an [Archmage].
Thats the books response to myint.
The jolt didnt hurt as much as I thought it would, but its still like being spanked hard all over your body. And not the kind of spanking that I wouldnt mind.
Lesson 1: Use your natural Mana to create a [Light] spell.
A veritable wall of text appears with finely distilled knowledge about what I need to do.
My eyes jump to the second page yes, the instructions are two pages. Two big pages with small and wriggly instructions. At the end, there is something that stands out.
Description: even the most stupid [Mage] can cast [Light]. Even children learn how to do that. [Sailors], [Shopkeepers] and even [Politicians]. Your journey to greatness must start somewhere, before you go y terrible monsters and live the mightiest adventures!
Requirement: learn how to produce an inferior [Light] in two days.
Two days? I scratch the back of my head. I dont even know what mana is and you want me to
An electric shock seizes my body again, but this time it stings.
I fall face first on the bed.
It seems like this book is set on making me an [Archmage] or whatever. Well, I guess Ill be able to bake more with the help of magic.
Bing an overpowered [Archmage] to live great whatever,
Im not interested.
Im going to bake cakes and have afortable life.
The most effort Ill make will be chasing girls!
Huh, maybe magic will help me with that too.
Book, do you have magic that lets women fall in love with you or that helps you get some
Another shock snatches up my flesh, this time even stronger than before.
While I fall and get a huge bruise on my forehead, new words appear on the page.
Mind Magic is strictly forbidden and pursuing romantic rtionships shouldnt be on the mind of a future [Archmage], disciple. Focus on your magic! Good luck!
Chapter 13: Arrest Me
Chapter 13: Arrest Me
Im out.
I mean, Im going for a walk.
Clodia gave me an enchanted clock thats now resting on my houses wall. She told me to get back to work before the 26th hour. Im still getting around the notion of having 27 hours and 9 days. Listen, its weird. I cant help but try to fit it in our system.
I do wonder if we have the same hours or if their simply has a different orbit, or things like that.
I do watch documentaries from time to time, but this world-wide stuff has never interested me that much.
Apparently, I live in a nice district.
I look around and, once again, I dont smell human excrements. I used to think that the Middle Ages were all about throwing your own waste around in the streets.
Deep down, Im a bit disappointed by theck of human manure. If I ever manage to go back, Ill be sorely disappointed that I wont be able to tell people that I was knee-deep in human excrements.
You cant deny it makes for a great story.
I can already imagine peoples distorted expression when I describe the kind of sick, disgusting, tainted and diseased
I almost bump into Officer Lucinda while Im thinking about colorful evacuations.
Luciani, she looks at me with a polite smile.
I kind of recoil.
I was thinking about some unsavory things, and now, there is the cutest policewoman smiling at me with a charm that steals all the blood in my heart.
Officer! I have a crime to report!
She can already see where this is going and sighs.
What is it? she gestures with a hand for me to go ahead and tell the cheesy line.
I dont know, but Im sure I did something bad. Would you mind cuffing me? I wink at her.
She giggles, not expecting this very in variation of a someone stole two stars and put them in your eyes or something simr.
Its all about the right intonation, the right look, the right facial expression. Delivery is essential. You master that and, boom, you get punched by many boyfriends you didnt or mostly did know of.
The giggle is short-lived and she moves on immediately, much more interested in a particr thing I have.
I came here to escort you to the [Enchanter], Lucinda says.
Do you have to cuff me if I refuse?
Its a legitimate question.
Im just curious about my rights, thews, and all.
I dont. Ill call Lucillus or Antoninus. They will do it.
The thought of being cuffed by the two tall Elves makes me want to throw myself off a cliff.
It justes to me that French people and Elves are somewhat simr. I mean, they have one simrity I can think of on the spot. I really like French women and really dislike French men.
Its the same with Elves!
The [Enchanter] is close-by. Fetch the book and lets go. He should be able to conduct a brief evaluation that will let us know if your book holds any secrets or dangers.
I hope the [Enchanter] can burn the book. But something tells me that voicing my suggestion would get me zapped. And Im not in a very zappy mood, if you catch my drift.
Lets go, baby-doll, she looks at me with a little despise, but she seems interested enough in my book to let it slide.
So, you never go out and rx? I ask with wide eyes.
When Im not working to put away money to pay for my entrance fee at the academy, Im practicing magic, she shrugs. The path to be an [Archmage] is stained with blood, most of which is yours. You have to sweat it hard if you want to be someone in the field of magic.
If you ever met a lunatic Law student with crazy ambitions, thats the kind of vibe Im getting from my dear Lucinda now.
Well, I still love my future wife to death, though.
She can pursue all the magic she wants, and Ill make the cakes.
I feel a slight zap in my left wrist and I swear.
Is the goddamn book reading my thoughts now?!
Uhm.
Wait.
Thats not so far-fetched, is it?
And you just want to be a baker? she asks with some disappointment.
Sure thing. I dont care about adventuring, being a [Mage] or whatnot, I say while ignoring another little zap, I just want to live a good life, marry a good woman and make good children. If you are interested, I have a spot open.
I dont think our paths will cross in the future, she says with no apparent regret on her face.
I mean, I get her. She has all these dreams and stuff. But I can still follow her and bake wherever. I dont really care.
Happy wife, happy life.
Dont worry, lifes too short to worry about paths and whatnot. Ill be happy with the dinner you promised me, I smile.
What dinner? she raises an eyebrow.
You said that we would have a nice dinner if I let you tag along to the [Enchanter], I winked.
She looks troubled and gazes at a ring on her finger. I notice a slight sh and she shakes her head.
I promised no such dinner, you liar.
I only lie to get more time with a beautiful woman, Officer. You should arrest me for that.
Chapter 14: Smirk
Chapter 14: Smirk
I really dont understand why people get so hung up on their career. Some people decide to make everything in their life about that. They burn friends, family, and all the other bridges that hold them back in the most ruthless manner.
While I stare at Lucinda, I have the wisdom of a thousand books in me, but I still cannot muster the words needed to make her see the same world I can.
Im not saying that friends and families are everything. Hell, thats the same of saying that work is everything. Its just that the worlds big enough to always find someone nicer, someone, who might give you a good job just on a hunch, who might out you in a house of a friend and feed you just because. Its rare and, above all, it might be ufortable. But its real.
And while I look at your disappointed expression, I do wonder why my heart still beats so fast for you, Lucinda.
It has a few interesting forms but thats it. Basic protection enchantments to ward off the wear, but its quite weak. Its barely worth ten golds, honestly.
The Elf [Enchanter] looks at Lucinda with a shrug.
His words are incorrect and I probably wield a world-shattering artifact that could change many lives. But that doesnt really matter to me. I just want to enjoy a little slice of the world, a little slice of life. So, I shut up, not willing to invite further examination on the mighty tome that is clearly trying to pass off as a cheap book.
Should I bill my services to
The Elf doesnt know my name, does he?
To the Watch, Lucinda sighs. This is Watch business.
The [Enchanter] stares at me again and then nods.
Lets go, Lucinda says with a depressed attitude.
Thank you for your time, sir. Ive got to take my lovely girlfriend back now, I tell the mean [Enchanter], she clearly needs someforting.
Lucinda ps my shoulders while the [Enchanter] looks at her with wild eyes.
With a human? he stumbles on his own words. I mean, Im sorry. Its none of my business, Officer.
You know what they say, pal, big human
Lucinda kicks my shin so hard I start jumping up and down.
Ouch! She cant wait! Oh, man! Ill bring you a cake as a thank you. Whats your favorite, buddy?
Huh, I really like vani, but I dont think theres a need for
Vani cake! Coming right up! I shout while fleeing the [Enchanter] shop.
Whatever happens in my life, Ill always buy people with cake. Its so easy that it should be a legal crime by now. Or is it an illegal crime?
Lucinda is a bit angry with me and her eyes stare with so many daggers she could build the Iron Throne with them and order my beheading at her beck and call.
Why are you like this? she chews out her words.
You seemed so sad that this bad boy is useless, I p the book cover and get a little zap in return, that I just wanted to cheer you up a little.
I dont need your concern, human, she says with pure despise.
You know, I have experience with crazy women. And I dont mean crazy as in oh, shes such a crazy babe. No, no, no. I have dated psych-ward material more than once. And I am surprised no woman ever stabbed me, to be honest.
Now, when I hear these words from Lucinda, Ipile them in my crazy-to-normal trantor and they pretty much say I do like you, but I also want to see you dead.
I mean, it does sound ridiculous. But see, love is about chasing and getting chased. Its a hunt. For men and women alike. Until now, I yed the hunter and I pushed. But shes getting toofortable with my pushing and she just became mean. If I keep pushing, she is going to edge me out of her life. So, Ill just leave on a high note.
What I do is: smile sadly, sigh theatrically, put a hand over my eyes with the most pathos you could ever imagine.
Hugh Jackman can shine my shoes.
I just wanted to be nice, thats all, Lucinda. Im sorry if I offended you. Ill just go my way with this useless garbage here, I say with my eyes almost teary.
Now, this is the pathetic move. It works, man. It works a lot of times.
Women are caretakers and men are garbage. Thats why it works; its in our nature.
I start walking away and I feel like she will make me wait at least a few days before
Joey, she calls out.
I raise an eyebrow and smirk, but then I reset my face to sad while turning around.
Yes? I already know how this will go and I can already taste victory.
You owe me the money for the [Enchanter]. Make sure to bring them to me as soon as you get paid. Its five silver coins.
She spins around and goes away.
Well.
I smile to her back and shrug.
Lets give her a couple of days.
See, she wants the money back. Thats a sign she might be interested
Oh, wait! You can leave the money at the clerk counter in the Watch! she shouts at me, already several feet distant.
I throw a look at her with a terrified frown and, before she turns back again, it almost seems that she smirked?
Chapter 15: Secret Weapon
Chapter 15: Secret Weapon
Im telling you, its a sign, I nod wisely toward minia, who looks at me with skeptical eyes.
Yeah, I dont think so, minia cringes.
Come on, she smirked! For Gods sake! A smirk! Its basically a done deal!
If you say so, minia sniggers.
Im rolling the bread dough with a pin when minia asks me.
Have you got a ss?
Huh, I should? I didnt really get one, I reply, surprised.
You get sses when you rest. Either sleep, naps, or even dinner and lunch at times. The first ss might take a little longer than usual, but then the first few levels shoulde rolling. If you havent got one yet, you might get one tonight.
I mean, I would like a ss to get women. Is there such a thing?
Sure, [Flirt], minia says with a smile, until they get too high-level and they are banned from cities or killed by the concerned husbands; sometimes they get offed as a precautionary measure, even. You might want to refuse such a ss if you get it.
Well, do I want to refuse it just because someone would kill me, though? I mean, I will probably die at some point anyway. Isnt it better to die doing what you love? I give her my signature wink with the tongue click.
Sure she shakes her head whileughing.
Me and minia clicked.
Its amazing how well we work together. We are so in synch that you wouldnt believe this is just the second night shift we spend together.
And we can fall in silence for a couple of hours, while we are still experienced enough to take care of a lot of bread with just a few nces tomunicate. When she extends a hand, she finds me handing her the right tool without flinching. When Im looking for something, she nudges the thing towards me before I even have to ask.
I have to say, Im surprised we work this well together and I still havent caught feelings for her. Shes sort of an aplice, a crime partner you do a lot of business with, but one you dont want to tangle your romantic life with.
Hows your magicing along? she asks while we relieve another couple of workers from the chores they couldnt get done on time.
Meh. I didnt practice much. I tried it out a couple of times, but then I fell asleep. Im still getting my footing with the hours.
She nodded, probably thinking I wasnt used to the night shift. In reality, I was referring to the 27/9 weirdness.
But I suppose Ill kind of be forced to learn some magic, you know, I say with a sad smile, thinking about the zaps that await me if I dont finish my stupid homework.
Oh, if you want to court Lucinda, you have to be a [Grand Mage] or something, sheughed hard.
Uh?
Wait a second.
If I bedazzle her with a disy of magic, you think I could get to her? I ask with wide eyes.
If you could do something cool, she would probably jump your skin, kid. Lucinda is one hell of a researcher. She would kill to spend time with someone with a good understanding of magic. You show off a couple of good tricks and you might as well have be the King of Elves in her eyes.
See, now this is a dilemma. To hell with Dostoevsky.
Should I try hard and learn some good magic to get a girl? Is trying hard in my bones if there is a girl involved?
Mh.
I dont know. I dont like sweating out too much. What if I learn too much magic and someonees to bother me because Im too strong or something?
minia snorts so hard she almost spits on the dough in front of her.
What? I ask with an offended expression.
Joey, she wants to be an [Archmage]. I was joking before. You cannot catch up to her. How do you think you could be so magically powerful that one of the greatest magical talents in the city if not the greatest, mind you would hang out with you for your magic? Huh, do you have a secret weapon or something?
I look at my secret weapon,ying on my bed, untouched.
I exhale.
Even if I didnt want to, this damned book is set on making me a [Mage], so
Lets see what we can do.
Book, how you doin? Can you show me the instructions again?
The book levitates in the air and opens dead in the middle, now with nk pages. It had shown some basic magic spells to the [Enchanter] to fool him, but the truth is that the book will materialize whatever you need. It could have had four pages and still worked.
Yeah, yeah. The most stupid mage, whatever I skip the first part about how easy this should be for me because Im not sure it will. I have a 23 in talent. Which tells me absolutely nothing.
Mana is inside the body of every living being. Even children can cast [Light] with their low reserves of Mana.
This book is not just setting me up to fail with all these remarks, but it is also going to make me look like the biggest fool onwhatever this is called.
To feel it for the first time, you may ask your master or request the book to guide you. Whatever you prefer.
Oh, mighty book, can you show me my Mana? I ask with an eyebrow raised.
After cing a hand on it, I expect to feel some tingling or something that would indicate a spark of power in my body.
What I wasnt expecting was my vision topletely change. One moment I was looking at my hand on the book, the next moment I see pure energy dancing around everything. I am pure energy, the book is pure energy. I see a world of energy.
A world of Mana.
Everything is light, but its also air, fire, earth and water. Its also metal and wood. And its also a thousand other things.
Its so overwhelming that I feel my mind starting to shut down already.
But I can see the book as the greatest zing fire in the universe.
And when I look at myself, I can feel it. I can feel the Mana. Its there, its in my flesh, bones, muscles, hair, nails, and skin.
Its everywhere.
And I suddenly get an intimate feeling with it, something that tells me how to move it, how to bend it, how to make it travel from my body to the outside world.
For a second, I feel all-powerful.
Then, I faint.
[Mage ss Acquired!]
[Mage Level 1!]
[Skill Advanced Mana Sense Acquired!]
Chapter 16: Billion
Chapter 16: Billion
Whats up with magic?
I mean, really, what is up with people wanting to do magic?
And dont tell me that people dont want to! Hell, Harry Potter! Come on, we both know how famous it is. Its like a new religion.
Harry Potter outsold faith!
HA!
Thats something, isnt it?
And when I look at this ss that Ive got, I think, well, thats something I like.
Why, though?
I mean, yes, humans are pathetic, for sure. We slogged in the mud for millennia, maybe even more: I dont watch much National Geographic or whatever you need to watch to know these facts.
But when you really think about it, howe we are so taken with magic?
What is it that grips us by our most precious jewels and never lets go?
My exnation is the following we want to know that we can do some magic. We are too ordinary, otherwise. Too mundane! If you cant do some measure of magic, well, you are a failure!
Beforeing to Amorium, magic could have been making someone smile with the right jokes or catching a cab without having to scream your lungs out or to violently wave your hand for half a minute.
And thats why Harry Potter sold!
People need magic! People need to believe they are special!
I hate being special, though. I really do.
But I cant help and stare at those words in my head.
[Mage
Emphatic pause.
Level 1]
And.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
It kind of chokes me.
I cant I just cant.
Its so, so beautiful.
Its beyond power. Its beyond any rational exnation.
I see it, and my heart pours out a joy I never felt before.
Never!
Never in my entire life have I been so happy about something. I kind of hate it, honestly! Why does this make me so happy?!
Magic is a pain in the ass! Its a shortcut to being murdered before my time woulde! No, thank you, I dont want to be murdered!
Why, do you want someone to stab your eyes out while trying to steal the ultimate magical device you happened to find by mistake?
Be my guest, by all means.
Magic is basically women.
They choke me, they make me flushed, they throw a wrench in my life in a way that no other person or thing could ever do.
If I even won the lottery, I wouldnt care that much. Sure, I would buy some amenities for my ce. Maybe a bigger couch. Not one that you can open; I dont want people sleeping over. Now that I think about it, I would probably buy a couch that disappears inside the floor. That way, I would hide it every time someonees over to bother me.
Imagine that.
They would go oh, shoot, theres no couch here, I cant sleep over, I cannot impose like the little imposing, clingy, and annoying thing that I am.
Then, I would probably do some 007 stuff to my bed too. Like, unless I need to sleep on it, it will be super ufortable and thin. Maybe make it 80% of the size of a single bed. Yeah. Enough so that you can do the dirty deed on it without falling, but not enough to have someone sleep over.
Here we go.
I just had a billion-dor idea and I cant sell it to anyone in this ce.
Or can I?
Yeah, its super small unless you want to sleep on it. So, if you have someone over, they cannot possibly at least in good conscience ask you to sleep on such a small bed! I exin to minia.
The woman startsughing so hard that, as per usual, Clodiaes over with her military strut.
Whats so funny? the chef asks with a reproachful stare.
See, me and minia, we work really hard. We are so good at our job that we can easily joke around and still be much better than everyone else. So, Clodia doesnt really have that much purchase on us.
I think I just had the most genius idea of my entire life. A couch that disappears when you have people over, so they cant ask if they can crash at your ce, and a bed that bes thinner too thin to think that two people could ever sleep there, but thick enough to you know, do the thing.
Clodia frowns for a second, before slowly fishing out the big wooden spoon.
I really want to beat you up, Luciani. Is there something you screwed up today, perhaps? minia, did he mess up something?
Clodia, leave the poor kid alone. Hes fun, hes a hard worker. Dont bother him,e on.
minia nudged Clodia with her elbow. Her hands were still sticky and covered in dough and flour.
Luciani, we are going to talk shop in a few days. Please, do mess something up before then. I promise, it wont interfere with our talks, but it will certainly help me scratch a certain itch, she pointed her words by pping the wooden spoon on her open hand.
Sure, boss, I smile at her and give her my signature wink.
Good, she starts walking back.
Not even two seconds after I silently make an irate impression of Clodia to her back, the woman throws her wooden spoon with a deadly precision and smacks my forehead right on.
OUCH! I grab my forehead.
Thank you, Luciani, much appreciated, Clodia smirks and goes back to her office.
Man, it really hurts. What the hell!
You are going to bruise if you dont apply some potion on it, minia snorts.
Youugh at my plight? I ask, seemingly offended.
Sure, Joey. Its very fun, trust me.
These damn sadistic Elves.
Sexy sadistic Elves.
Goddammit, Joey, you disgust me.
Chapter 17: Splitting Oceans
Chapter 17: Splitting Oceans
Another night of work has gone by, and I start feeling the tiredness creeping in.
Working night shifts is not easy, not even after Id done that for a few years. It takes time before you get into the right routine; and even that right routine is something that you wouldnt wish upon your worst enemy.
And the why is quite simple.
Humans are not really night creatures.
We need sun to energize ourselves, not unlike Superman.
Im just less jacked and with a plethora of weird powers, instead of super-strength and the ability to fly.
I do a mean tongue-rolling-click though. And when you pair that with a wink, its much better than flying around and looking like a bird.
And while I have these thoughts, my personal Lois Lane pops out of nowhere.
She doesnt take notice of me, for all Im covered in flour and quite conspicuous. Ill wash with a bucket of heated water and a bar of soap that Clodia threw at me before after I told her that I have yet to take a proper bath.
I didnt sweat that much, though, so my personal fragrance was still tolerable.
Wa
I cut myself off when I see her meeting a dashing Elf, much taller than me, probably even taller than Lucillus.
The guy is wearing a white robe and it clearly contours a body fit for a prince.
He smiles with wisdom, beauty and heroism.
She giggles and softly punches his shoulder, probably for an improper remark.
It seems that my designs for Lucinda are not working.
I exhale.
What hurts in that scene of two perfect people getting together, probably to discuss magic or whatnot, is the subtext. Its not the scene itself. I barely know the girl, for all I have as inexplicable thing for her.
Its that he is a mage. And he looks powerful.
To be sure, I activate for the second time the only ability I earned.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
The world explodes in a myriad of lights and figures. And that man talking to Lucinda is like a lighthouse in the dark.
I swiftly deactivate the skill before it can overwhelm me.
I shake my head.
When I project myself into the future, what hurts me is not that Lucinda may end up with such a guy, but that every single Lucinda in this world will.
minia said that I shouldnt meddle with her, that shes going to the Nine Towers Academy. What a mouthful, honestly. My baker friend told me that she is going to need references, rmendations and so on.
If you think about it, its pretty much like dating an aspiringwyer who wants to go to Yale and then off to a bigw firm.
They live in another world. They choose to put the rest of their life on the curb while they focus on one goal. And one only.
Theres no ce there for baking.
And I speak from experience; maybe that is why it hurts so much.
For a second, I am tempted. I know how powerful the spell tome I wield must be. And I know I could be an [Archmage] or whatever that thing is. I mean, I dont know. But something tells me that I could.
I could scorch the earth, topple mountains, and split oceans.
Imagine all the things I could do, all the people I could amaze. Kingdoms woulde begging, wouldnt they? And I could be King, and Lucinda, this one or the next one, could be my Queen.
There are solutions for everything. There is a solution for my jealousy, a solution that would have me reach for the highest power, climb on top of everyone else.
And its all in the book, isnt it?
I could go to the damned Nine Towers Academy and make it a pile of rubbles. I could sweep Lucinda off her feet. And maybeno, probably, she would fall for me.
My carefree mind has been tempted in the past. Im not a monk, nor am I immune to ambition.
But I rejected it.
I put away my feelings and I try to just not think of Lucinda. Its not the first Lucinda I meet, its not the first Lucinda I fall for. Its fine. It is what it is. No hard feelings.
I mean, not that I canpletely control those.
Luciani? I hear a familiar male voice while I drag my feet away from the scene where I have just left yet another piece of my heart.
Lucillus? I turn toward him, and I give him a smile. Im sure some sadness is obvious, but theres not much I can do about it.
You are crying, the man states matter-of-factly.
I touch my cheek and I find a bit of wetness.
Yeah, kind of, arent I? I shook my head.
Its not sobbing and wailing, its just a few tears.
The man is sharp as an arrow and looks in the distance toward Lucinda whos still joking with the handsome man.
Lucillus sighs and takes my arm, deaf to my protests.
What are you doing? I ask, stunned.
Shut up,e with me, the tall Elf says.
He drags me for a hundred feet or so to a pub. By now, my tears are dry, but he still kicks me in.
Ever been in an elven pub? he asks from behind me.
Not really. What do you drink, nectar mixed with rose petals? I snort.
Humans, the tall Elf spits out the word more tired than disgusted.
Eligius! Two pints and fill them up! Lucillus shouts toward the bartender, earning a thumb-up in return.
This establishment is where I usuallye to rx and avoid people like you, Lucillus turns toward me and smiles.
It is pretty much how you would imagine your medieval pub. A lot of darkened wood, thick tables and a few people day-drinking like us.
Lucillus makes me sit at one uncharacteristically clean table and goes to the counter to take our beers.
So, human. Whats up?
You know, I dont really have any coin on me, I smile toothily.
My cousin is probably worried that you would waste them. You got a house and she sung your praises yesterday. The beers are on me, dont worry. Youll have plenty of time to repay me in the future, and plenty of asions too if you keep chasing girls like that.
After that remark, we dont really talk about my feelings or anything. We share a beer, I gather some new curious facts about Amorium, like how the war is going and so on.
But we dont talk about Lucinda, nor do we talk about love.
We chill.
And thats it.
Two men sharing a beer at the pub around noon.
Thats all I need to mend my broken heart.
Chapter 18: Light
Chapter 18: Light
And let there be light.
Yeah, I wish it was that easy, huh?
Not in a sphemous way, obviously. My family is very religious, and I even though dont really care that much about going to church, there are a few good wife-prospects there so
Right now, Im practicing pagan magic. The one I should make light with if I dont want the book to zap me to death.
Im not sure it will be to death, but why risk it, right?
I think about my previous thoughts on Harry Potter, and I find it extremely funny that my first feat of magic reminds me of an old version of theputer game of the most famous wizard on Earth.
Its hard to exin, because the nuance of it is impossible to convey to muggles.
But it is indeed very simr to tracing a shape. Imagine having a pen and you can regte how much ink you can discharge at once. Well, weaving magic together follows a simr procedure.
You put together a rune, but you dont have one starting point. I tried and I managed to startpleting the thing from three different parts.
Its like
Oh, man, its hard to exin.
Its like ying that Harry Potter game where you have to trace the spell during your sses. But the model is not two-dimensional. You have three dimensions and the imaginary lines you have to follow can be thinner or thicker.
And not just that!
There appears to be a timeponent to this damned thing!
Is time a dimension?
Can I say that this thing is actually four dimensions worth of pain in the ass?
The lines move, they are not fixed. For this spell, its easy to see where they will go, and when you will need to tackle such lines.
Its like tracing scribble, honestly. Its like a three-dimensional scribble that moves around, evolves in time, and that you must trace with your mana.
How does that work, huh?
Well, I wish knew, pal.
One would think, well, its just a [Light] spell, how hard can this be? I wasnt Albert Einstein, but I bet I could do such a spell easily!
The student should start by using a three-point approach, before trying toplete the whole thing at once. It may take minutes on the first try. Remember, the path to [Archmage] is full of trials! Dont give up!
I cannot deal with the pep talk from this book.
It makes me feel even more stupid.
Come on, you son of a gun, I growl at the scribble Im forming in the air in front of me and that I can only see with [Advanced Mana Sense]. Come on, you filthy beast.
I keep swearing at it, hoping it will make it easier.
Slowly and with attention, I start tracing the outline of the spell the book showed me. I dont go for perfection, but the spell matrix?
Is that a matrix? Is that what a matrix would look like?
Should I call it scribble or matrix?
The question makes my attention falter and the entire thing implode once again, leaving me slightly drained. The book has already told me that [Light] doesnt take much mana, but Ive failed countless times by now.
Whoever created this sted thing didnt consider how talentless a person can be. I start thinking that the 23 on my score was probably on a scale of one to a thousand. That would definitely make sense.
Book, how much time do I have left?
4 hours.
How bad will the [Thunderbolt Curse] zap me if I fail?
Not something a future [Archmage] shouldnt be able to take with some strong healing potion to help cure the burns.
Isnt thatforting?
Now, since I dont really have any strong healing potion justying around, I think I will try again.
So, lets start with the books instructions.
Three points to start from. Interesting.
Book, are there optimal points to start from?
Yes.
Thats the answer.
Ok, book, can you tell me where I should start?
The words in front of me appear in ck ink, as usual.
Start from the farthest points you can see, keep a bnce. Dont move the mana along the spell matrix uniformly. Bnce is everything. Some parts will require you going slower, some going faster.
Couldnt you have told me before? I ask, exasperated.
A proper [Mage] has to learn to ask the right questions.
And thats it, the ink disappears, and the book resumes its nk look.
Oh well, lets look at this scribblematrix once again.
I activate the skill and start looking in nk space, trying to visualize the spell matrix in front of me.
It rotates gently, changing shape ever so slightly while dancing around.
Its fascinatingno, enrapturing.
This time, I focus. Magic is like a recipe. You cant mess up, but you need to stay flexible.
I focus my mana on three points, the ones at the outermost parts of the matrix. Now, I start slowly tracing them toward the center.
I can feel my sweaty forehead going cold from the exertion. This is no joke. Mana is ethereal and its not like trying to draw something with your hands, but its still much harder than you would think.
Now, though, I know something more. I have the new teaching the book has imparted on me.
Slower there. You, faster.
I whisper to myself to guide my mana in the right grooves of the scribble. I make it a bit thinner there, and a bit faster. Then, I make it a bit heavier up there, and a little slower.
I start getting into a weird rhythm. Im like a Pacman professional, I move and weave my mana all around.
Its a strange dance, as if someone was beating a drum in my hears, but Ive fallen into it so perfectly that without even noticing, the three lines I was tracing now touched each other.
Now, lets take a second to examine what I just did.
Someone would feel tremendously proud ofpleting a spell in a day or two, I guess. However, I have to remind you, I justpleted the spell a few inches from my eyes. Sure, why wouldnt I? Do you think that I am able to think?
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
I just sted a [Light] spell right in my eyes, so strong I feel them burning, and I scream in pain.
Sure, making it ten feet away and closing my eyes would have been the same since I was using a skill to see the mana, and not my actual sight.
Im on the ground, screaming in pain and swearing to high heaven, when I hear my door open and someone rush in.
Chapter 19: Silver
Chapter 19: Silver
What the hell?!
I recognize the voice of my elvenndy.
Turn off that sted [Light]! Did you just cast that in front of you, you human dimwit?!
I
Turn it off, kid! You made it too bright!
I dont know how! I whine on the ground.
Its like someone poured hotva in my eyes.
You t-eared idiot, I can hear thendy. Whatever, Ill do it.
She mutters a simple word.
[Dispel].
Then, she approaches me and takes my cheeks in her strong, wiry hand.
Dont move, stupid human, she growls.
I feel a corking off something and she pours a liquid on my closed eyes.
Open your eyelids, you need to get the potion in there to have it work.
I try to, but it hurts too much. I feel like I scorched off my corneas.
Without ceremonies, she takes two fingers and forces my eyes open, not caring about my screams and protests.
I swear, boy, if you dont shut up, I will break your nose with a [Shockwave], and this time, I wont waste any good potion on you.
I whimper on the ground, eyes still hurting. However, I feel a wave of relief after half a minute. Clearly, the potion is working.
Gently open the eyes. How can a person be so stupid, I wonder. Is that the first time you casted a [Light] spell?
Yes?
I try to open my eyes but, even though I can now see some blurred figures, they are still extremely sensitive.
What?
Theres a short silence.
Thats the first time you casted a [Light] spell? she asks again, this time her tone in wary.
Yes? Ive practiced yesterday too, though.
Once again, I can feel a pondering silence.
This is interesting, she exhales. Get up, boy. We need to talk a little, me and you. And you wont probably be able to work in this condition. Ill send a message to that stupid other kid myself.
Uhm, Im sorry, can you wait? Id like to go to work if its possible. I still have to sleep and rest. Maybe Ill be better.
Again, a short silence makes me think that shes looking at me with an eyebrow raised.
Lets do that, then. Take my hand now and follow me slowly, thendy says and grabs my wrist.
She starts gently bringing me out of my own apartment. I hear her putting my kingly keys in my pocket. Im surprised by how maternal this woman is.
We get to her own apartment, after Id almost thrown myself off the stairs to three stories below.
She closes her door and steers me toward a chair.
So, kid. Im giving you a minute toe up with a good exnation for how you just overcharged a magic spell that you shouldnt be able to make even flicker. Nonot just flicker. [Light] spells are supposed to be pale andctescent, at best. You basically made a [sh] spell, the kind you use to blind someone, like you did to yourself.
Well, it appears that this woman is onto me. I guess that the matrix of that spell must have been really efficient or something like that. Or maybe I just screwed up and used too much mana. I cant really know. And Im not sure what Im going to tell this woman. Should I reveal I have a very powerful relic that is forcing me to learn magic?
Something tells me thats not the smartest choice.
I really dont want the attention, but I really cannot lie because I suspect she has a truth-stone on her.
Iits nothing dangerous for you. I think. But I have a very unusual way of training my magic. Wait, not just training. I have a very unusual way of learning magic. And its kind of a secret. I cant tell you without putting us both in danger.
Then, I try to slowly open my eyes once again, and I finally get a blurry image of thendy whos a bit too close to me for my own tastes. I have to say, shes fit and doesnt look half bad. But I guess shes more on the grandmother side rather than the milf one.
Is that a problem for me?
Well Not really.
Its not my fault that I like to think in sexual terms of every female I meet. Well, maybe not every single one. minia and I are clearly hitting it off as friends and Im not that interested in her.
Would I mind seeing her naked?
I dont think so.
But do I want to see her
Well, lets leave it at that.
You are not lying, human. But I am a trained [Mage]. Im not as fancy as those Nine Towers fellows, but I can still put a hole in your head before you can say Elf.
Well, thats not the mostforting thought, I smile and shut my eyes, giving them a much-needed rest.
Be careful with your weird magic, human. If you did that with a [Fireball], you would be dead. And that would ruin the apartment. Since I cant take money from the dead nor kill you again, I would prefer you practiced the most dangerous spells outside. Am I clear?
Loud and clear, maam, I say cheerily. Now that the pain has subsided, I am back to my normal self. Thank you very much for your help. I dont know what I would have done without you. And thank you so much for using that potion on me. I can only imagine it must be a bit costly for you to help such an idiot as
Yeah, yeah, she waved her hand at me, dont worry. Im going to bill it to your boss. I didnt use that much, so it should be only a few silver coins.
There is not much goodwill in this woman, is there?
I have some biscuits that rascal brought when she brought you here. Ill go take them. Ill also make some tea. Well discuss some magic, you and me. I want to make sure you avoid burning myplex.
Oh, I take it back. Shes nice.
Ill bill the biscuits and tea to your room, dont worry about cash.
Wow.
I take back the taking back.
What a scrooge.
Chapter 20: Secrecy
Chapter 20: Secrecy
Every single time I think about women, I am afraid of being sexist. To be honest, Im not even sure what sexist means anymore. In my experience, being sexist is meeting a girl with colored hair from Columbia that screams at me because I didnt know about her protest on misgenderingnguage.
Thats why I am very careful when I ask thendy, whose name is still a mystery to me, my next question.
Do Elves favor men over women?
Its a passing thought but, at the same time, its something you would expect from a medieval society.
My host, whom I can now see a bit more clearly, raises an eyebrow andughs.
Humans, she shakes her head. This is probably the first genuine mirth Ive seen on her face. No, kid. Elves are more versed in magicpared to your t-eared kin. That means women have fried more than one handsy [Warrior]. In our history, you can even find [Queens] who gutted their treacherous husbands. We are far from a matriarchy, but we are no men-dominated kingdom.
I dont think I have ever asked which kingdom we were in and who these queens and kings were. Or maybe I did. And then I forgot. Considering my weird sleeping patterns, theres a good chance that I could have already heard some name.
May I know your name? I ask tentatively with a tiny smile. I dont want her to be offended by my wide grins.
Agostina, kid, she sighs as she puts down a tea and some biscuits.
Beautiful name, mdy, I feel a bit more daring now that shes been less hard on me. And thank you for the tea and biscuits.
I want to say stuff like you didnt have to or you are an amazing host and andy I could only dream of, but I dont want to be thrown out.
You have to read your crowd. Thisdy was old school. Even if she allowed some measure of tomfoolery from me, she wouldnt stand for too much of it.
So, I tone down my usual antics to cute instead of overwhelming.
Kid, she says while pouring me some tea, can you tell me how you were casting that spell? Even if you are training unusually, as you im, I could give you a hand to avoid blowing yourself up.
At that moment, my brain spaces out because I realize something.
The book is a wonderful tool, but its probably simr to an untrained AI, right?
Ok, wait.
Do I know how they train AI?
Huh.
Not really.
Ok, its probably simr to how I think they train AI. It doesnt take into consideration human error, meaning that it doesnt prevent me from making the stupidest choice. And if an [Archmage] made it, the Mulligan fellow, he probably didnt even remember what the mostmon mistakes were. Or maybe not the mostmon mistakes, but edge cases that idiots like me would turn into reality.
I definitely need to ask the book if it can learn
OUCH! the older Elf jabs her wand into my stomach.
Were you daydreaming? she asks with a frown.
Its just that your question made me think and I forgot to answer, I say massaging the tender spot she poked. And no, its not because Im soft. She really gave it all with that damn poke.
Care to answer now? she says and then takes a sip of her tea. Mm, good stuff. I need to ask that idiot merchant to buy more of these leaves.
Elves drinking tea.
Truly an abomination.
I wish I could go back in time and kill that British degenerate and burn all tea ntations in the world.
But lets answer before she pokes my eyes out next.
I just traced the matrix, as you do, but I forgot to do it farther from my eyes.
I look at her sharp eyes behind the teacup. See, the as you do part is something Im absolutely not sure of. But I do have to pretend I know what Im doing and that whatever Im doing is the normalcy, dont I? So, Im trying to understand if shes onto me or not.
Describe what you mean with traced the matrix, she goes on.
Well, the squiggly lines, you know? You use three points and then start tracing the matrix in the air with your mana. Once you get through the scribble, boom, magic done, right?
Now, she even forgets to drink from her cup. And that tells me that Im probably practicing something fairly unusual, arent I?
You mean that you visualized the full matrix very vividly before materializing it?
Huh?
What?
Maybe? I cringe.
So, you are overcharging your spells by taking more time than needed to impress the spell matrix?
Impress?
What?
II dont know what Im doing, to be honest, I shrug with a bitter expression. And its true. I see a truth-stone on the table turning green. Shes not the kind of person who needs to be subtle about these things. Would you mind teaching me how to materialize the [Light] spell?
Im curious to know whether Im casting spells differently from the rest of the poption. Is it so far-fetched to think that maybe my spellcasting method could be superior to theirs? Is that the reason my [Light] spell was so powerful?
So, I fully expect her to show me some shabby version of the spell. I wouldnt mind feeling like Im a genius of sorts.
You really dont know anything about magic, do you, kid? she snorts. How someone recreates a spell is a well-guarded secret. Even a [Light] spell is usually something that stronger mages dont want to trade since it would give insights in how they use every other spell. I asked you because I figured you are newbie without secrets to give away. In fact, there are exceptions, like wide-spread knowledge at the academy or direct disciples of [Archmages] and so on, who will learn in exchange for a magical contract. But unless you want to be my disciple for the next twenty years of your life, I fear Ill not be able to exin you my [Light] spell.
Well, why am I surprised?
This is exactly what I should have expected from this world.
What, you thought I could just be a secretly overpowered mage and lord my superiority over others from the shadow?
Hell no.
These motherflippin pieces of biscuit dont share their knowledge unless I go to some nine-damned academy or something.
I exhale and leave it at that.
Come on, Lady Luck, you could be merciful from time to time.
Even a masochist needs some respite!
Chapter 21: Wolf and Fox
Chapter 21: Wolf and Fox
I could definitelynd thendy if I tried hard enough, I tell minia with the tone of a seasoned warrior who knows which battles to pick.
Yeah, and I could convince Clodia to give everyone double their sry and even a kiss on the cheek, minia snorts while rolling some dough.
Ye of little faith, I said with extreme disgust. Im repelled by the inexistent trust you put in my wondrous means.
You im to be a great baker, but all I see is someone behind on his new bread-schedule, she smiles wickedly at me.
I pout.
Yeah, yeah.
Im not five but I pout.
Clodia likes productivity and has upped mine and minias quota, since we both appear to be too good at our jobs. So good that we chat until she has to pull us by the ear.
I could seduce anyone, minia, my dear. I could seduce even Clodia if I wanted to. Its called the magic stick, and Im the love doctor, I say with my signature wink.
Her expression suddenly goes ck. A secondter, minias now fighting back the tears while she seemingly looks over my shoulders.
Oh, God.
Shes behind me, isnt she?
Good evening, love doctor, I hear a t toneing from behind my shoulders.
Hey, boss, I say with a smile so high my cheekbones are probably going to break or something.
Thinking of trying the magic stick on me? Id be curious to see if it bends or breaks, Clodia says, squeezing one of my shoulders.
I cross my legs, feeling the phantom pain in myher region.
Sorry, boss, we were having augh, I say to save myself from whatever punishment shes devising for me. My voice goes a bit higher than normal; its not surprising if you consider the fear Im currently harboring in my heart.
As you always do, she replies with an icy smile, her hand still squeezing my shoulder.
Listen, Im not big. Im no The Rock, okay? Clodia, instead, probably does the Elven version of CrossFit or something like that. I swear, her arms must be twice as strong as mine. So, I feel itspletely fair and not at all emascting that I feel my shoulder crumpling under the death-grasp of her demonic ws.
I suddenly exhale in contentment after she releases said mp.
Leave the bread behind. You two,e with me. You didntin about the workload and had a wonderful run. Its time to get to the serious stuff.
I look at her uprehending.
minia, Clodia gestures toward my work-buddy.
Joey, you passed the test. We might as well start working on something more important. Clodia wanted me to keep an eye on you for a month or so, but in my opinion and in the opinion of the truth-stone you are a good kid.
minia undoes the upper part of her uniform to show a little pin close to her corbone.
Oh, shoot, thats a truth-stone? But how can she see?
It heats up if you lie about something. Save from the jokes that got picked up as lies, you are the most ingenuous kid I have seen in a big city.
Wait a second, my eyes go wide, what the hell is this? Clodia nted you here to keep an eye on me?
minia nods and winks toward me, trying to copy my signature move.
minia is my highest leveled employee and the most talented baker in the entire ce, Clodia says. When you got here with several different ideas, including caramel, I asked her if she had ever heard of it. It was easy to reproduce once we knew what to do, but the idea had simply never been tried by anyone we know of.
Well.
They pulled a big switcharoo on me, didnt they?
And you had minia tail me to make sure I wasnt a scammer?
minia snorts by the side.
No, Joey. I offered because I wanted to know the human who had developed a new baking technique without even thinking about it. The same supposed [Baker] with no ss. You also know some secrets about bread and many other things, dont you?
I look at her and frown.
Another person would feel betrayed, maybe. I am a sucker for deception and drama, and I truly have tomend their y. I mean, not that I was attentive or anything like that. But they did well and they treated me fairly.
So, now Im off to being tortured by two beautiful Elves until I spit out everything I know? I say with a smile and only half joking.
minia suddenly assumes the betrayed expression that should have been my prerogative.
What?! How can you even think something like that?!
Clodia puts up a hand in front of her and looks at me dead-right in the eyes.
Im going to offer you a magical contract that will
WOAH! Im not signing any magical contract! I put up my hands.
I assure you; we can go along with whatever terms you are thinking, just dont dismiss Clodia tries to say with the most reasonable tone shes ever used since I met her.
No, no, no. To hell with contracts. Im not signing it, I cross my arms.
So, he is really afraid of clerks and paperwork, Clodia looks at minia, whos looking back with an I told you expression hanging on her face.
Joey, what if I call Lucinda to be your approved legal representative in this transaction? We can make sure she will make enough money she will not even think of saying no.
And we can make this as quick as possible, Clodia says with a sincere smile.
No, no! minia, for a second time, puts her hand in front of the chef. This is going to take a long time. The negotiation will be long and drawn out. You will need to spend a lot of time with your legal representative. Hours, maybe even burning the midnight oil together to figure out the best solution for your deal.
Clodia stares at her, not yet catching up.
I, instead, have caught up really well.
And my hand is so stretched out it could fall off at any moment.
Oh, minia, you truly know this old heart, I say with a wolfish grin.
Oh yeah, baby, she replies with eyes sharper than a fox, games on.
Chapter 22: Bodyguards
Chapter 22: Bodyguards
Ok, we have put in a request with the Watch for a legal representative on the basis that you dont have knowledge of elvenws, Lucillus says with a pained expression, and as my cousin has requested, we got Lucinda to be the person designated since she knows thews well and she could use the money.
Captain Drusillus was happy about your request, Antoninus, the illiterate brute, says from the side. He doesnt really know why his captain his happy, but hes content with the guy not being in a bad mood.
Hes happy because this is following a sensible procedure, Lucillus says with a sigh. He knows whats really going on and he doesnt approve.
Well, if I truly have to spend some time with Lucinda to take care of the paperwork, I guess I can do it. Im just happy to have someone like her helping a poor idiot like me. And you two big boys protecting me, I say and try to sling a hand above Antoninuss shoulder.
This fe is so goddamn tall. What is he, a giraffe?
Whatever, I relent after two tries. The tall guard doesnt seem bothered by my attempts, but instead hes happy that the bakery has agreed to pay for a personal escort too.
Apparently, if the Watch is not too busy, they will loan out guards on request to rich patrons who need protection.
What are we protecting you from? as if clued by my thoughts, Antoninus asks the question.
Himself, Lucillus mumbles.
Not everyone might be happy that a human is doing business with Elves in this moment of history, I say wisely.
But we have other humans, and no one attacks them, Antoninus remarks.
Yeah, man, but they are not trying to get into the pants of an officer who clearly has other suitors capable of reducing them to a pile of ashes, are they?
Oh, God, I need to buy something for minia. I need to give her a gift. Shes not just funny and smart and a hard worker. Shes also a conniving demon of the highest caliber! My heart is literally bursting with emotions when I think of her devious n once again!
This is some next-level Gossip Girl shenanigans.
Happy Bakery is a good employee, in any case, Antoninus shrugs the problem away with an ease not even I am capable of.
Happy Bakery? I ask.
The ce where you work? Lucillus looks at me weirdly.
Oh, thats the name. I didnt bother reading the sign, I nod.
You didnt know the name of the ce? Antoninuss eyes pop out.
I didnt know, I say with a smile.
He didnt know the name of the ce! the previously calm Antoninus shouts toward Lucillus, despaired.
He didnt, Lucillus sighs.
I truly didnt! I smile even wider.
Oh my god, this is just Antoninus raises his arm in the air before letting them go down again after a moment.
Now, putting aside the fact that I didnt know the name of the ce, theres a thing thats not clear to me.
Did Clodia choose the name? I ask Lucillus.
Yes, he understands the subtext in my question and he, too, cringes.
Wow, I bend the corners of my mouth like Robert De Niro in a yeah, I do understand, but it is extremely weird, isnt it? I mean, whats up with Clodia? Happy Bakery? She looks like she would beat customers if they didnt line up straight while buying croissants kind of expression.
Mh, is Lucilluss answer, while his eyebrows pick up a more Yes, Happy Bakery, not Mauling Bakery or Imma-beat-you-to-a-pulp Bakery. God knows what goes on in that womans head, but better not to ask if you catch my drift vibe.
So, now that I have my personal security detail, shouldnt we pick up my legal representative? I rub my hands. I wish I could be sitting with a cat purring on myp and with an evil monocle resting on my eye, but you have to get by with what life gives you.
Im surprised they picked me, Lucinda said with the face of a person who was not surprised.
Such a wondrous coincidence, isnt it? I say with a shameless grin.
She bits her lower lip, probably to avoid swearing at me.
Care to go for breakfast? she asks with a resigned tone.
We are picking her up from her house and she has yet to eat, apparently.
Sure, where to? nothing can beat my cheery tone.
Now, while we make some small talk and we start walking to a joint close by, where they serve food from a stand on a few wobbly tables, my mind wanders.
Being in Lucindas presence makes me think about two things. And two only.
One:
I didnt even read the deadline of the next damn book homework. Once I was in the clear, Ipletely forgot about consulting the tome. Now, Im hoping I dont get zapped.
Yeah, yeah. I know.
Shouldnt I be thinking about Lucinda, my future wife, whos in front of me, exining something about a meaty breakfast?
Well, for all my heart is metaphorically electrified by her presence, I dont want myself to be literally turned into a lightbulb by my stupid [Thunderbolt Curse]
Second:
I forgot.
Goddammit.
What was I thinking about?
Man, I hate when this happens.
What was it again?
Magic and
Gee.
Arent you eating something? she asks me while I cant remember the second important thing I was forgetting.
Nah. Breakfast is like a one-night stand to me. Cold and quick, more of a chore than anything else.
In fact, I could do with some ck coffee if these damn apparently-carnivorous Elves werent so enamored with their tea.
You stupid Hobbit-writing-tea-leaves-eating Brit. I hate you. Man, I hate you and your whole franchise so much.
Thats a weird simile, Lucinda giggles.
Well, at least sheughs at my raucous jokes.
Behind me, a much louder raucous snortes from a red-faced Antoninus, whos I notice when I turn basically choking on his own saliva.
Now that I see him enjoying my joke so much, Im not sure if I should feel ttered or insulted.
Chapter 23: Brownie
Chapter 23: Brownie
Sometimes Im gripped by anxiety.
Not the kind you get when you are on the verge of getting fired, no, no.
Imagine you are having breakfast with Selena Gomez. Why are you consuming food with her, you might ask. Instead, my question would be, why are you not choking?! Man, thats Selena Gomez, for Gods sake! You should be breathless, you tasteless donkey!.
Anyway.
Lets say you are either having breakfast with Selena Gomez or whomever you consider erroneously the most beautiful woman on the. Or man. Or whatever. You know what Im saying.
Ok, now, you go to the bathroom because your dder is exploding. However, the joint you are currently in has a spotlessly clean bathroom. For some crazy reason, you are terrified to dirty even one tile with your filthy body fluids; God knows that, lucky as you are, an employee might find out and tell Selena what kind of a disgusting nasty beast you are.
So, you sit down to deliver a number one.
But thats when it happens.
Another impulse takes over your body. Your weak flesh, not being ustomed to sitting on the throne without getting the signal to open all dams, wants relief.
But you cant.
You are around the clock.
Selena Gomez is waiting for you.
Now, you are fighting with every fiber of your being to keep in what is trying to go out at all costs.
In this colorful metaphor, I justpared my infatuation for Lucinda to a fat number two, and the fattest at that!
The sitting down on the throne, instead, is me spending time with her when I know I should be doing somethingpletely different. We cant happen. I just caught some feelings for her because well, because.
So, I shouldnt be sitting here, but I should be spending time with my Selena Gomez who, in this metaphor, is baking?
Yeah, I know. This didnte out the best way, did it?
I thought it would turn out differently. But it is what it is.
Sometimes I start stories and I dont really know where Im going.
This is the result.
Baking is my Selena and I know I should be getting back to her as soon as possible. But that big, fat, lovely, beautiful, wondrous brownie turd would feel so good if I just let go a little bit.
Ok, I think Im bringing this metaphor a bit too far, to be honest.
You sure you dont want anything? Lucinda stares guiltily at me while she downs a steak for breakfast.
No, dont worry. I wouldnt want to wreck my waistline, I answer while looking at the three-pounder that shes devouring without blinking.
Am I sure I like the girl slurping a three-people worth of steak for breakfast?
Dont look at me like that. I need to eat something like this, or Ill need even more for lunch. Magic takes a lot of energy out of you.
Miss, your side of marinated peppers, the chef clearly knows Lucinda and hes now bringing a huge te of oily peppers.
Thank you, Aligium, Lucinda nods.
A pleasure, miss.
Thats like, I dont know, two pounds of peppers?
Steak and marinated peppers for breakfast?
Whats for lunch? Dead rats?
I look at her scarfing down the steak as you would look at a lion pouncing on a gazelle. I am fascinated, horrified, and even a bit turned on.
You must spend an awful lot of money on food, is the first thing Im able to say after watching such a gory show in silence for five minutes.
The predator is now on thest remains of her meal and looks at me with much of the peppers oil on her chin.
Mh, she nods and shrugs.
She even gives a little burp as she uses a napkin to clean her little mouth, before raising a thumb up toward the chef in the distance.
How can I not love this woman?
My mother always says Im a pig because I cannot eat with my parents poise. Listen, if you dont cut my spaghetti, I make a mess. If you dont want me to make a mess, I have to get close to the te and try to avoid the whipping effect you make when you suck in the spaghetti too fast.
AH!
Yes!
Now I remember what I was thinking about before, when I met Lucinda!
I still didnt get a ss as a [Baker], I tell my lovely and hungry hyena, I worked more than a few days there, but I didnt get anything like that. Any idea why?
Lucinda looks pensive while she ponders the question for a bit.
Do you have any other ss? she asks.
[Mage].
Her eyebrows go up.
But not in the good way.
Shes not surprised, shes just
Oh, good for you, good for you.
Pity.
Shes just feeling a bit of pity. She already knows I must have tried hard to learn some magic, didnt she?
Look, I can make a mean [Light], I think.
Maybe you dont want to be a [Baker]? If you dont see yourself as that thing or if a big part of you doesnt consider [Baker] something that you are, that might be the answer. Itsmon knowledge. If you got a ss for everything you did, you would be swarmed with sses. Instead, you tend to acquire sses toward which your spirit leans.
Oh shoot.
What is this psychobabble?
I cant even try to get a ss without the universe trying to give me a lesson in my rotten psychology.
Look, Lady Luck, or whoever is pulling the strings, I dont want to know. Im good. Really. Thank you. And if you dont want me to be a [Baker], Ill just go be a baker.
Shall we go?
Lucinda asks me while she fishes for some coin in her robe.
I nod and get up, ready for the red curtains to open on our new y.
Chapter 24: Lesson 2
Chapter 24: Lesson 2
Ok, so, the first part of the deal was extremely boring. Basically, Lucinda spent hours reading through the documents and making notes. She said she would get back to me to discuss my possible options and she would also need to know how valuable I think I am in this negotiation.
To be honest, I could have done without this. But, at the same time, Clodia has agreed to still give me an advance and let me hang around the bakery if I wanted to. minia was going to resume her usual dayshift and I could go and learn more stuff about this world from her.
Well, thats that.
Hopefully, my rtionship with Lucinda will transition from strictly work-rted to whats the opposite of that? Hot and bothered? Can a rtionship be hot and bothered? Or is it better to describe it as hot and heavy? But I dont like heavy. I want light. Can we have hot and light? Is that a thing?
While my thoughts go astray, I sit down on my bed in the apartment and the spell book opens itself after levitating in front of me.
Lesson 2: Use your natural Mana to create three [Light] spells at once.
Magister Mulligan used to always say that [Light] is the foundation for any mage, and thats why so many guard their methods when ites down to the spell. Therefore, you will be focusing on the fundamentals, manipting different versions of the spell. The difficulty will increase gradually, until your foundation is solid enough to delve into the depth of true magic.
It seems like I wont be doing anything too dangerous, at least.
So, three [Lights] at once.
Im not able to catch myself in time before saying out loud.
How hard can it be?
And thats it.
Thats my sentence.
Im doomed.
Coming from an Italian family, Im extremely superstitious. Hell, I could probably teach a college course on everything you need to avoid to not make something happen!
For example, whining about something is a sure-fire method to get it aplished. If you are losing a match with your buddies in some videogame, or even real life such is the power of this technique you just need to start whining about it, say that you will lose for sure. Then, magically, something happens. Call it luck, fate or God. It doesnt matter.
Whining is the best way to go through life.
But now, Ive gone against the sacred method. Ive professed my faith for the anti-whining; my hybris is going to cost me dearly.
I sigh.
Lets get to it.
Im on the verge of trying to visualize three spell matrixes far from me when I think back to what the book had said about mages and questions.
Book, can you exin to me whats the main difference between casting one spell and casting multiple spells? It seems to me that I only have to repeat the process once.
I swear on my mothers panties, the book just scoffed at me. It did something like crumpling its own pages, and it sounded like a snort!
More ck ink appears on the page in front of me, in a mocking cursive.
Casting one spell is the act of fitting one matrix into the world. You can think of it as drawing on paper. When you look at it, you can pretty much see the whole progress at a nce. It doesnt matter how big the drawing is, you can just step back and still appreciate it in its entirety.
Instead, the books keep manifesting more magical ink, simul-casting is something deeper. You can think of it as writing a book. Whereas a painting will always be manifest in its appearance, a book is different in the way it presents itself: you can never read an entire book at one nce. And it is impossible to grasp every single sentence at once like you would do with a painting.
I look at thecent book with a frown.
Ok, can you exin that again, but imagine Im five?
The book flips on a new page and materializes more ink.
Simul-casting moreplex magic is the realm of true [Mages]. Only the best of the best can simul-cast multiple spells, especially if they are different. However, [Light] is simple enough that even a novice if guided correctly may attempt such a wondrous feat.
Everyone has their own understanding of how to do it. The best way to think about it is that you cannot control the individual parts, but only the sum; at the same time, you can manipte the individual parts, but you will not be able to see the sum of them in advance.
Thats it.
I try to ask more questions, but the book tries to nail down the same concept of individual parts and the sum of the parts.
I guess the best way to approach the problem is to try and create the three spells at the same time.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I activate my dear spell and then I try to visualize three matrixes at the same time.
After a few instants, I get why this is insanely difficult.
Most people simply cast spells in quick session because a spell matrix is not fixed; its something you trace based on the moment. You can probably attempt a quick cast based on your previous experience, but it would only make for a lesser copy of the spell, not the real deal.
Plus, every spell you activate at the same time affects the other.
I turn off the [Advanced Mana Sense] at once and I ask, Book, how long do I have to learn this?
Description: simul-casting [Lights] is the most appropriate exercise based on your evaluation from the The Omnium Compendium! Yourst attempt gave life to a superior [Light] spell. Now, you have to take one of the great challenges well in advance. Wasting your talent is a mortal sin. And with a mortal [Thunderbolt] you shall be rewarded if you ck off!
Requirement: learn how to simul-cast at least three inferior [Light] spells in a month.
I wonder if the part about this mortal [Thunderbolt] is a figure of speech, I wonder aloud.
No, is what the book materializes on the other page in huge characters.
Chapter 25: Anger
Chapter 25: Anger
While looking at the book, I realize I didnt level up afterpleting the first lesson. However, from what the book said, I created a good version of the [Light] spell, didnt I? So good, now the book would literally zap me to death in a month if I dontplete my next batch of homework.
See, this is one of the reasons I dont like being an overachiever. When you work too hard, people start realizing they could squeeze even more out of you. And I dont like that. I like cking off. I like working three hours instead of eight. If I can triple my productivity, I will not triple my working output, I will just reduce by three my working time.
Sadly, the book has other ns for me. And when it says that the [Thunderbolt] would veritably kill me, I have the feeling its not joking.
Well, lets look at the spell matrixes once again, this time Ill try working with two and see how it goes.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
My apartment turns, once again, into a world of energy and I visualize two spell matrixes on the other end of it after closing my eyelids. I can still see everything, since this view is the byproduct of a skill and not my real sight.
So, I examine the two changing spell matrixes and I start noticing what the book meant. If I want to do what I did with my first spell, it would probably be impossible. I get the feeling, using the metaphor the book employed, that it would be like trying to make two drawings at once, one with your left hand and the other with your right.
So, thats probably not going to work, is it? I could maybe learn to do that with two [Light] spells, but it would fail with three, wouldnt it?
Oh God, this is going be hard. This is going to be so damn hard.
I feel it in my bones.
This is some stupid karate-kid level of magic.
It is, trust me.
I have a gift when watching tv shows that lets me call in advance 98% of the clichs, bad tropes, stupid cheesy moves.
And right now, Im getting major oh look, this is so esoteric and cool, brother, why dont youe with me to theic bookstore to purchase the new DnD expansion vibes.
Why, Lady Luck, do I have to struggle with this? I am not wholesome enough to immerse myself in whatever meditative practice is required to pass this test. Imzy, a bit snarky and I love to fool around. Sure, my mother argues that being a self-conscious idiot is still not better than being a in idiot who doesnt know whats going on; but I have a measure of disagreement with that.
This thing is made for someone who loves to grind videogames or something. Im a man who loves to read books and judge people who spend their time at the gym instead of getting a coffee with some cutie right by the library.
Sadly, my whining falls to deaf ears. No one is going to get me out of this.
See, now Im angry.
For the first time since Ivee to Amorium, Im angry.
I have kept out of the way of danger, conflict and whatever. The most daring thing I can do is sharing some baking recipes that people with literal level and sses could probably reproduce in half-a-second.
And Im not angry because I got the book. No, no. I enjoy learning some magic. Im angry because I know what the books meant. I know what I have to do. Once you read enough books and watch enough tv shows, you know exactly whats the next move to make.
I dont want to game the system.
I just want to bake and enjoy myself.
But now its toote for any rational decision.
Im angry.
This goddamn world and this goddamn book want me to do some stupid hard magic that apparently no one can figure out.
I pull back the sleeves of the shirt Im wearing.
Im doing this stupid fucking magic right now, right here. Fuck the book. Fuck Amorium. Fuck Lucinda and her stupidly-tall fucking-magical boyfriend.
And I dont care what they say, Im having a fucking coffee after this. Even if I have to make a chimp eat the seeds and shit them in front of me right after.
Ma, listen, I said Im going to take the fucking test!
Language, young man! my mother screams at me. You are having one of your fits! And you know very well that you will regret it! Just go calm down and if you still feel like taking the test, you can always do that at another time! They said they are reserving a spot for you even if you dont want to go and take the exam!
Im done listening to this bullshit! I scream, if pa wants me to not waste my talents so much, Ill go be whatever the fuck he wants me to be! Ill fucking show him what Im supposed to be doing. I hope Ill fucking kill myself one day and I hope that someone will regret not listening to me once in my entire fucking life!
Joey, honey, please, calm down. Lets talk about it before you go and do something you dont want to. Please.
My mom has tears in her eyes, but Im too angry to let go. Once this version of is out, its toote to get it back in.
I spread ten spell matrixes all around me.
Why ten? You think this is pure arrogance? Well, think twice.
The book told me the solution in in terms: you cannot control the individual matrixes as you would do for one spell alone.
Its simple and hard at the same time.
When you write a story, you cannot see how everything will y out. Not even if you are the writer. You build on a concept, hoping that the sum of theponents will be greater than the individual parts. The fact that they are ten makes it impossible to think of them individually and helps me focus on the greater picture.
So, instead of wasting my time trying to concentrate on any of those matrixes, I just rx, I let go.
I start weaving magic out of thin air without a structure, with just a thought. The first ten spell matrixes copse, an expected failure. But this is the first building step.
When they fail, I get a sensation of what failed in each one of them. The number still too high for me to focus on only one, but I get a myriad of sensations of whats going wrong and I can pool them, I can feel where the mana dispersed, where its denser and where its still lingering in the shape it should have taken.
When you exin to an athlete the rationale behind how his shooting hops or hitting the ball should work, he might be worse than before. Knowing the logic will throw off all the sensations he built over time. Its not that rare.
And what Im doing right now is stupidly simple.
Build on the sensations of how it should work, look at the mana and where it should have gone, but do not look too closely.
I even get the feeling that Im wasting too much mana on this and that I could make the [Lights] smaller.
Where do I get that impression?
On my skin.
I recreate the ten spell matrixes and I start weaving the mana into each one without even looking, just feeling. Once again, it dissolves halfway through. But this time, I went from failing in an instant to failing with half of the problem solved.
Now, I take a second to catch my breath and analyze the problem at hand.
A book cannot be read at once.
The words y in my head and mock me with how stupid they are.
My third attempt is filled with anger and despise, but its the sharpest so far.
I weave the magic on a broad level, not paying attention at first to the single spells. Then, as soon as I reach the same point I reached before, I start looking where my sensations bring me. I look extremely close to whatever spell I feel needs my attention and make small adjustments in how the squiggly lines are formed, feeling that they need that shape. I dont think about the big picture anymore, Im just focusing on where my magic needs me.
I am the conductor of this orchestra.
Im the master of magic, the performer capable of electrifying his crowd with a simple nce.
I spin the threads of mana, rearrange them with ease, soften some parts, make some harder, make them smaller and bigger based on my intimate understanding of the matrixes. Something seems to go a little astray in one part, but I allow it, knowing that it will self-correct, knowing that not everything is perfect in this world.
Imperfection is part of the game.
And I move my hands and arms spasmodically back and forth, whip my neck toward different lights and my field of magical vision seems to gradually expand, almost reaching a full 360 degrees. I didnt even notice, but Im now back on the full stage, looking from a distance to the ten lights. Im not reading sentence by sentence anymore, and the book is done. Im just looking at its cover.
I deactivate the skill and almost faint for the mana exhaustion.
But in front of me there are ten medium-sized [Lights] that
That make me sad.
They dont make me angry. No, the anger has disappeared inside the process. I just feel sad.
And empty.
I remember my mother crying because I was so damn angry. She just wanted me to ignore what others used to say and told me I should just enjoy my life. She told me so many times that she would love me no matter what.
You only have one life to live, Joey. If you waste it living as someone else says you should, you are going to regret it once you meet Him up there.
I raise my head toward the ceiling and close my eyes, weing the dark this time, not the world of magic. Air goes in and out of my body; theres a rhythm to it that should beforting. Instead, every breath seems ready to be myst one.
I open my eyes and look at the ten spells born out of pure anger.
I dispel them with a thought and Im left alone in my apartment, with only the insufficient natural light from the windows being mypanion.
Theres a lot of incoherence in me right now. A part of me came out, the part that disproves arge chunk of who I am, of who I feel I am. And that part is angry, bitter, resentful. Its the darkness that taints even the most beautiful story. But Im not that. Ive never been that and I dont want to be.
Instead, I look at the book.
I get up again and do what I should have done when the tome asked me to simul-cast.
Without even my skill active, I simply recollect the sensations from before. Its easier and harder because now I only need three lights. But one of them is not a globe; its a different shape.
This time, however, my heart is free. Its light: its not heavy.
And magices easier than ever because of that.
An obscenely long form appears between tworge globes of light.
I startughing like an idiot afterposing the mostmon shape ever drawn by humankind and I shrug off the anger from before.
Chapter 26: Augustus
Chapter 26: Augustus
Well, that was a day I had yesterday.
Today, though, I dont really know what to do besides going to the bakery and work. I dont know anyone save for my bodyguards, who are now on break, and my co-workers.
I should probably go out and get to know some more people. However, Im not good at that, as I mentioned in the past. Im good after you introduce yourself to me, not before. I dont have any trust in going out and making friends out of the blue.
What I can do, however, is check out how things are going at the bakery.
Ive had enough magic for today.
I open my door and I find myself looking at a statuesque Elf.
Oh shoot.
Howdy do, I say with a smile toward Lucindas guy-friend.
Are you the human Lucindas helping with his case? he asks with a neutral expression.
Oh man, please dont kill me. Or dont beat me. This face is too cute to take a beating.
The one and only, I reply cheerily.
Shes studying your case and she told me she doesnt have time for me.
Here we go.
Is he going to vaporize me or something? What do nasty [Mages] do to kill each other?
While I think about the terrible ways I could die by his hands, the unthinkable happens.
I find myself among a strong and tight hug.
If you are going to kill me, can we skip the cuddles? I plead.
What? Kill you? Are you out of your mind? he grabs my arms and looks at me horrified. You finally got that girls head out of the spellbooks! Ill be eternally grateful to you! Ive known Lucinda for a while, and shes been so obsessed with magic she can barely talk about anything else! But since you came here, shes talked quite a bit about you.
Okay, wait a second.
What is happening here?
And why is big-guy still hugging me?
Uhm, you are wee?
Come with me, friend, Im Augustus, and I need to show you a good time! he basically drags me out of my apartment.
Thats how I find myself walking next to Augustus, whos apparently not Lucindas love interest.
Did I tear up over this guy?
Yeah, Im a student at the Nine Towers Academy. Im here on behalf of my master to take care of some properties. Its going to take a couple of weeks at least. Ive known Lucinda for a long time; she lived close-by and we would y together as children.
Im not sure I like the overpowered-childhood-friend angle more than the douchey-overpowered-bastard.
So, wait a second, I ask while he steers me toward some restaurant, are you telling me that there is nothing going on between you and Lucinda?
For Gods sake, he goes pale when he hears my words.
Oh no! Absolutely not! Lucindas like a little sister! I could never do something like that!
One the one hand, Im overjoyed. On the other, I kind of feel like after my emotional turmoil, this guy has just stripped me of an eventual vengeance arc.
And, between us, Im not opposed to her mingling with other races. It would help her expand her horizons a little. I have a girlfriend at the Nine Towers, and shes not an Elf, he says with a sneaky grin, and neither a Human.
Ok, listen, its time to drop the guard a little and exchange pointers with this fellow. If hes on my side, I swear Im going to tattoo Elf-Lover on my forearm.
So, brother, are you telling me that Im looking at an ally in this war of hearts and wits? I ask surreptitiously.
Oh, it depends on whether or not you pass my personal test, the man wiggles his eyebrows at me.
As long as I dont have to do anything with a male Elf, Ill do whatever you ask me to do. I need some more intel on Lucinda. Im too much in the dark right now to make any good move.
Well, Joey, Ive heard quite a few interesting things about you. The fact that you seem to be a very proficient [Baker] is one of those. And the fact that you didnt have a ss when firsting here is another. Yourndy almost beat me up when I asked where you lived; she seems very protective of you. And [Chef] Clodia too seems taken with your ways as well.
Ha.
The cruel scrooge tried to defend me from this guy? I love that woman, I swear.
We sit inside a nice restaurant, ready to have a sumptuous breakfast. The ce is mostly decorated in white with some china you wouldnt expect in a medieval joint.
The usual, please, for two, Augustus orders for us both and I give a shrug. Im not an expert on Elven cuisine and the guy doesnt seem keen on poisoning me.
But I have to ask, whats your business in Amorium? Augustus gives me an intense stare.
To be honest, I dont know.
What was my business in NYC?
I think about it for a second.
Id like to get a nice job, open my own shop. Buy a new cat. Make a few friends. Find a decent wife, I stare at the ceiling for a moment before nodding, yeah, thats pretty much my list.
No ns to be a very powerful [Mage], travel the world, be a strong adventurer and find riches that
Oh, man, absolutely not! Im here for a long time, not a good one. Im happy with a simple routine and a nice family.
Augustus stares at me, surprised by my answer.
I bet you that in a world of magic and adventurers, few people actually dont want to risk their life, do they?
Thats interesting, Augustus smiles and starts nodding.
Chapter 27: Stan
Chapter 27: Stan
We eat and chat.
Now, Augustus is the first proper member of the male Elven universe to whom I can rte to. Lucillus is too refined for my tastes. Antoninus, instead, is on the other end of the spectrum.
Augustus is the perfect bnce.
And, as all men do when they meet each other, we talk about two things.
Are you telling me that there are sex shops in Amorium? I widen my eyes.
Yes, sex-rted stuff is the first thing.
Oh, can you show me the wink-cum-tongue-click again? Augustus asks, fascinated.
Women-rted stuff is the second.
I dont know if Augustus is a master in deceiving others and actually wants to gut me as soon as he gains my trust. To be honest, I dont really care. Im having a really good time here.
Joey, I have to say I did not expect to have such a pleasant conversation, the tall Elf says, I think its gettingte for me. I still need to run quite a few errands for my master. But Ill seek you out tomorrow after you deal with your baking negotiations. Im sure Lucinda will take exceptional care of you.
Augustus goes for the counter, but then he stops and bends over the table. He doesnt sit, he just bends with urgency in his eyes.
Its going to be really hard if you want to date Lucinda, my friend. Not even I know what she wants. But I think you have something special in you. Use that and you might have a shot.
Augustus leaves me with this cryptic judgment and we both leave after he has paid the full bill.
I stumble a bit, full of meat and beer. Im not tipsy, but Im a bit tired, to be honest. I feel like Ive not had a proper rest since the revtion at the bakery.
Plus, what is this thing with Elves and eating like starved tigers? We were supposed to have breakfast, not a banquet!
Im walking to my house when I have to take a street that I dont think Ive ever crossed before. And its here that I see one of the most peculiar things.
A homeless man.
An Elf. Who is. Homeless.
Hes not particrly dirty, but he has a big dog with him and he has a long beard.
Now, why am I mentioning the beard? I shouldnt mention things that are not important, right? Chekov was always curt and purposeful with his words, and I like that approach.
So, when I mention his beard its not because that hairy protuberance is going to kill someone at the end of the y, no. Its because this is probably the first Elf I see with facial hair. I had to let grow my stub a bit, and now I can feel it poke my hand when I touch my face. But this guy has a proper I dont give a damn about your opinion beard. Hell, he could give Gandalf a run for his money.
People stop and give him some money while he pets the dog and simply basks in the sun, doing nothing.
Hello! he suddenly turns and waves toward me, spotting my stare.
Yo, I raise a hand and walk toward the guy.
If you like the dog, you can pet it, he says with a sweet tone.
Oh no, thank you, Im more of a cat person, I say with a nod. Names Joey, by the way. Joey Luciani.
Now that I look at him up-close, this guy has silver-like hair. When I say silver I dont mean that to sound sweet about his age. No, this guy has hair that some of my millennial female kin would probably kill to wear on their head. Its like his hair is made od Tiffany silver, the one thats so precious it almost looks white.
My name is Stan, friend, he smiles.
I dont know if you have ever met a homeless person in real life. But in NYC, if you meet a homeless person, they are not sweet andpassionate as this old guy. In fact, Earth-homeless people are 75% dangerous, 20% crazy-cute, 5% warm andpassionate.
I know this guy who makes little sculptures with used newspapers and some glue. Im pretty sure he also eats the glue or sniffs it or whatever you do with glue. Beforeing here, I made a point of bringing the guy some food every day or making sure that someone from my bakery would; first, I dont want him to eat the glue. Second and this might sound really smug I love the way he uses newspapers to do something actually useful. I dont like the news hell, I dont even vote but this guy makes something out of all the trash the journalists like to write. He makes these beautiful little things, from swans to little families. After spraying such sculptures with an ungodly amount of disinfectant, I even sold a few in my shop.
One day I told him that he could make a little business out of it, that he could take himself out of misery.
That day I learned another thing about homeless people. Most of them are on the street because they want to. They could do otherwise, but they chose to be what they are. Its not always true, obviously. There is a good deal of poor people who got poor enough to resort to that. But usually, they sleep in cars, not proper tents or on cardboard boxes.
Anyway, my guy told me that he was good. As long as I could feed him some bakery stuff, he was happy, and he had he fun with his little sculptures.
In my unrealistic dreams, I like to think that hes a Michngelo who doesnt care about fame or sess, someone who just wants to enjoy the little life has provided him with.
However, something brings me back from my trip down memoryne.
Stan? I ask, confused.
Thats the name, he says with augh, copying my mannerism.
Is it short for something like Stanlius? Stanus? Stanimium?
I have no idea what Latin name starts with Stan.
Names are important, young Human. I wouldnt shorten my name, he nods toward me. I gave up my name a long ago and a friend gave me this one.
Stan goes on.
In fact, it was a human just like you.
My mind reels.
Chapter 28: Manners
Chapter 28: Manners
Stan is a name from Earth. I mean, Augustus, too, is a name that could be from Earth. But Stan was a proper name where Augustus would probably get you bullied from 1st grade to the end of high school.
A human, you say? I question Stan.
Yes. A gentledy that crossed Amorium two years ago, he has a happy smile. I wasnt always so in peace, but she was kind enough to take care of me and show me that the world is not so crooked as I used to think.
Is Stan one of those hidden masters who pose as homeless people and hermits in videogames and stories; the same people who then go on to teach the main character some insane technique? Would I get some insane skill if I give him some food?
But more importantly, a question now haunts me.
Two questions.
First, was this woman from Earth.
Second
Was this woman hot? I ask Stan.
The sweet old man frows.
Hot? he asks.
Yeah, man, hot? You told me a womandy changed your life. If shes hot too, she could be prime wife material!
His attitude does aplete 180 degrees turn.
You scoundrel! I tell you about a woman who changed my life upside down and you ask if shes hot!? the old man loses his calm and a few passer-bys re at me.
Im sorry, man, I didnt want to upset you. I was joking, I was joking, I raise my hands in the air.
God, Im really tired. Subtlety is not my strong suit at the moment.
You better not be disrespectful, child, Stan res at me, that woman was the fairest I have ever met. And she was just slightly older than you.
Have I mentioned before that Im a pig?
Well, if you didnt know before, now you know.
My brain trantes those words into the crasser equivalent and Im finally content.
Yes, she was hot.
You hungry, Stan? I work for Happy Bakery and Im sure we could spare some good food for you. Id like to help if I can.
The man stares at me with furrowed brows before nodding slowly.
Thank you, young Human. Thats very charitable of you.
Does the big guy there need to eat too? I gesture at the enormous dog.
Yeah, he usually gets scraps from random people, but today we still havent got much, Stan seems more embarrassed about not feeding his dog than starving himself.
Ill be back shortly, I wave to him and start walking towards Happy Bakery. I still cannot wrap my head around the name.
My apartment, Stan, and Happy Bakery are all very close to each other. I mean, I used to live in one of the most chaotic cities in the world. A ten-minute walk to me is like having my workce next to my toilet.
On the path to the bakery, Lucillus and Antoninus intercept me.
There you are, Lucillus says with a reproachful tone.
Antoninus looks at me and yawns, clearly not as worried about my wellbeing as Lucillus.
You are not supposed to wander around the city on your own at the moment, not until the negotiation with Happy Bakery is done. Thats the deal. By not respecting the directives youve got, you put my job in danger. Im not going to look like an unprofessional idiot because you had to take a stroll. Is that clear?
Boy, Lucillus can really be intense.
But hes right.
You are right, Im sorry. I met with this Elf, Augustus, who wanted to take me out for lunch. I was going to Happy Bakery right after, but I got talking with the nice homeless guy.
Stan? Antoninus suddenly perks up.
Yep.
Stan is a st, the burly guardughs out loud. I love him. Hes probably the smartest person in the city. Hes even smarter than Lucillus. He knows so many things you wouldnt believe it.
Huh. My secret-expert theory might pan out, apparently.
Anyway, Im sorry, Lucillus. Ill make sure you get a rmendation letter or whatever you guys do when you do a wondrous job.
Lucillus is rubbing his forehead while his eyes stay closed.
Whatever, Lucillus says, lets go to the bakery. My cousin is waiting for you. Your friend, too, is there. I dont think you want to keep her waiting.
To bepletely honest with you, I dont remember getting a precise hour to discuss the deal. But, I dont trust my memory and I decide to shut up about it.
Oh, but I promised Stan I would bring him something to eat, Lucillus. Antoninus, I look toward the guard that I never addressed directly before, when we are there, bring Stan something. Ill make sure Clodia gives us some food for him.
The tall and muscr Elf puts a thumb up toward me apparently a shared gesture between our worlds and we go to the bakery.
So, Lucinda already made a lot of progress, huh? I was under the impression it would take a few days before we met again.
Lucillus looks at me. Theres still a little anger in his eyes, but his professionalism takes over.
She called this meeting. We were going to retrieve you to attend. And, by the way, please do not roam on your own before we are done with this negotiation. She said that you werent necessary for this part, but my cousin and minia insisted that there was going to be no business made in your absence.
Praise the two foxes and their acumen.
Sounds about right, I say with an innocent tone.
Didnt you loathe bureaucracy? Lucillus asks. Hes not stupid and probably knows or suspects, at least what his cousin has been cooking.
Not if the girl is cute enough, I give him my signature wink and add, marriage is a contract too. So, I do need to find someone Im at least somewhatfortable with when ites to signing contracts and whatever.
I hear that Lucinda is free at the moment and that she refused a few people courting her because she was too busy with magic, Antoninus says without having figured out one ounce of the subtext between me and his friend.
Yes, shes so busy, isnt she? If only those poor people could invent something to spend time with her
The wolfish grin on my face is not getting to Antoninus who starts chewing on some nuts he had in his pocket.
Mh-mh, he nods towards us, or maybe towards the empty street, not caring one bit about what I just said.
Chapter 29: Ruthless
Chapter 29: Ruthless
Im anxious.
Im trembling.
I have nausea.
And my hears are ringing.
You might think that Im dying or experiencing a panic attack. No, none of that. Im simply looking at a piece of paper with legal jargon on it.
My mom always made fun of it. On my part, I feel like its unfair. If you are deadly afraid of snakes, your parents certainly dont throw you in a pit choke-full of them, do they? Then why do I have to subject myself to this torture?
I look at a smug Lucinda and her shining green eyes while minia and Clodia are both frowning at something my future wife gave them to read.
You went to other bakeries and got pre-contracts? minia stares at me now.
Huh? Other bakeries? I ask Lucinda.
Happy Bakery wanted to make it into an obnoxious negotiation, drag you through the mud. Now, if they dont ept our renewed terms, we have other people that are ready to offer many more benefits, she says, and if you can really share more than a couple of recipes with them, some would even make you partner!
The evil grin on this woman is exactly what I love about her.
Shes so devious, she behaves so dastardly.
Lucindas ruthless.
Why do I like this type? Why couldnt it be a homely-lovely girl?
Nope, I must fall in love with brutal, domineering women.
Thats my life, isnt it?
This is preposterous! Clodia ms one hand on the table while still looking at the term sheet.
It is only fair. Now you know what Joey could get from other ces, you better raise your offer by a substantial margin. Otherwise, you could always just let him go to the Three Roses.
I kid you not but right now I think Im going to die.
Not die, sorry.
I think Clodia will murder me.
She is changing skin color to red, and I fully expect some sort of secretary to bring her some heart medicine right away. Her neck swells up and a big fat vein throbs on her forehead.
The Three Roses made an offer to Joey? she is a bubbling volcano, ready to erupt.
minia knows Clodia very well: thats why it worries me that shes now slowly edging away from her.
Whats the Three Roses?
I have no idea what they are talking about and even though I wouldnt mind a catfight here, I would like to know whats happening.
Three young sisters opened the bakery around the time Clodia opened hers. They get a lot of foot-traffic and make a killing on lunches, dinners and snacks unlike Happy Bakery, which is more focused on distribution and custom orders.
Lucinda paints a detailed picture with a few words.
I swear to God, Joey, if you go to work for those three, Clodia is clearly losing it.
Joey, minia cuts her friend off before death-threats can be casually thrown around, there is some history between the Three Roses and us.
I see whats happening. This is not just business, is it?
I love it.
History, here, is a synonym for something romantic or sexual.
The pointed us instead, means that its not about minia. Its her employer who has history with them.
Clodia clearly had some mingling with one of the Three Roses. Or maybe all three? Well, a man can dream. I know what I can think about tonight to distract myself from any eventual worries about my future.
Lucinda, I would like to stay with Happy Bakery if possible. Im willing to take a slightly worse offer. Im sure we can work out a good deal for everyone, right?
I vote we bleed them dry, Lucinda shamelessly points a finger at them, if you really have all this value. The Three Roses offer is honestly insane. And, oncepared to theirs, its like an entire pie traded for crumbles.
Oh man, please, Lucinda. I want to keep living. Clodia is going to rip me a new one if you keep talking.
I mean, Im sure they are three lovelydies, but I like Clodia and minia, so
I have scheduled an appointment with them for this afternoon. We will have to discuss some details about what you want at lunch, but its better to know the best offer at this point in time.
Clodia is now looking at minia, probably pondering whether she should strangle the woman. Or maybe shes just wondering whether she should strangle her right now orter.
I must admit, though, Lucinda did an impressive job. We nned this as a ruse to get my feet wet with her, and instead shes steamrolling this negotiation like the best blood-suckingwyer.
I could probably live forever by this womans side. She would definitely take care of all the bureaucracy in my life without batting an eyelid.
She takes care of that; I bake her pies.
Thats a power couple right there, am I right?
Sure, we are different, me and her, but what is some monstrous ambition when you can bake your wife all the pies she wants?
Joey, may we have a word in private? minia looks at me with an intense stare.
I dont think so, minia. Joey is in my care, and you are not going to sway him with whatever you are thinking of.
Lucinda intercepts the request and rebuffs it ruthlessly.
I shoot an apologetic look to minia. We havent really had a chance to talk after she went back to the dayshift. And I miss our banter.
What are you implying, Lucinda? minia gets a bit upset now.
My client is particrly swayed by beautiful women, and I dont think that leaving him in the wolves den is a good idea.
Now, minia looks so affronted by her insinuation she, too, would probably strangle me right here and now.
Joey, well give them some time toe up with a better offer. In the meantime, we should get going, she ps her hand and I shoot to my feet.
God, why do I love this woman so much?
See you,dies, I say. And as soon as Lucinda turns, I mouth: Do not kill me, please.
Clodia stares daggers at me and minia mimics the gesture of slitting my throat.
Well, in love and in war
How did the saying go?
Shoot, I dont remember.
Joey! Lucinda raises her voice and I start scuttling after her right away.
Chapter 30: Dance
Chapter 30: Dance
So, what do you think? Lucinda is looking at me with a wide smile on her face. Shes clearly extremely satisfied by the oue of her negotiation.
Im really impressed, Iugh, what else can I say? I didnt expect you to be so merciless.
Shes almost jumping up and down while we go toward a restaurant.
I bet you liked it, she wiggles her eyebrows at me.
Wow.
Is she flirting?
Or is she only on a power-high?
Whatever, Ill take whatever bone she throws.
Oh yeah, you bet, I answer with my signature wink without missing a beat. You are killing it. I bet you will take the magic world by storm if you are even half this good with that.
She smiles so wide she looks like a mix between the Cheshire Cat and Julia Roberts.
Lucinda winks at me and keeps her stride.
My heart flutters because Im sure this is a little step forward in our rtionship.
You are incredibly ttering, you know, Joey? sheughs.
You make it easy, I nod, since you are so incredible.
Now, she blushes a bit and avoids my gaze. Compliments are usually not this direct in the world, I bet. It doesnt matter whether its Earth or whatever this is called, people are not used to others being nice.
And to be honest, I mean it.
I do think this woman is incredible.
Its not just from what I observed which I recognize is little its from how she carries herself. She gives off the distinct aura of a person who
You do give me the vibe of someone whos going to do important stuff, you know?
I also hope shes going to do me, but thats another topic altogether.
Have me swear it on truth-stone, if you dont believe me, I wink again.
She looks at me from head to toe, evaluating something.
Damn, this is the test.
Oh boy, here we go.
See, this is the window of opportunity that either makes it or breaks it.
When a woman starts the test, you have to give your most incredible effort. With Lucinda, Im not sure I can give her exactly what she wants, but shes riding high on adrenaline and this look just told me that she might be considering me as a potential partner.
I might be tired from the magic, talking with Augustus and the negotiation, but Im ready as hell for her.
I loathe what Im going to do, but this is a dance that must be yed following rules.
I know what makes Lucinda tick.
Oh boy, I know it.
There is something I have to do. This something is not really me. Its not who I want to be. But shouldnt I tap into it just a little bit? I mean, wheres the harm?
Yeah, yeah. Maybe you dont even know what Im talking about, right?
Harm?
What harm?
Well, when you wear a mask and pretend to be someone you are not, part of your face gets stuck there. And you can only wear that mask so many times before it starts ripping the flesh off your face.
You know, I learned a little magic trick. I still dont want to be a mage let that be clear but I had a little fun with it. Do you want to see?
She perks up.
Now, theres hope in her eyes.
You know when you go to a movie and your hopes are sky-high, right because of your mood, your anticipation and all that? Well, shes in a simr state.
Lucinda saw me as a man and now I just threw a little bait in front of her.
I want to make this clear again maybe even more for my own sake than anyone elses: I dont n on bing an [Archmage] or an adventurer or anything that doesnt involve baking and dodging danger for my entire life.
But rtionships are as much projection as they are reality.
So, I do have to feed this beautiful creature something if I want her on the hook.
Look at this, I say with nonchnce.
I dont even stop in the middle of the road; I just look at my palm and visualize three matrixes.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I materialize a little phallus-shaped formation of [Lights] in my hand.
Her eyes go wide.
Oh, boy.
I exhale.
I wasnt sure that multi-casting [Lights] was indeed something so difficult for [Mages].
Not to be crass, but I can guarantee you that the real deal is nothing like that, I nod toward the little spectacle of [Light].
Lucinda looks back and forth from my face to the hand.
Did you just multi-cast [Light], and in different shapes too?
Now, poof. I dispel the magic and go forward as if nothing happened.
I still remember my high school times. You know, I already told you how terrible I am at approaching people. This meant that I can look a bit aloof even if Im your neighborly loud Italian American.
Anyway, what happened in high school was that I got some terrifically beautiful girls because they thought I was mysterious.
How would they even think that I was mysterious?
Its beyond me.
I always thought of myself as someone who would speak of anything in front of anyone. Go on, ask me my deepest and darkest secret and Ill tell you. I dont even need a drink or the cover of the night. I have no shame, what can I do about it?
But this dark and mysterious thing was something that worked wonders for my dating life. And when they discovered my passion for baking? I dont know what they thought exactly, but it looked as if Bruce Wayne had just showed them his sweet house-husbandly side.
Beats me if Ill ever understand why it works, but it works.
So, I now shroud myself in this halo of mystery.
Im honestly still quite surprised that this stupid trick worked.
You know how unlucky I am.
I could have expected a meteoriteno wait, a [Meteorite] hitting me on the head or something while trying this. Or maybe discovering that multi-casting, simul-casting or whatever you call it, is moremon than I knew.
But no, this thing worked.
Look at her, shes groveling, isnt she?
Joey, where did you learn that? she grabs my arm.
Now, I am the one smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Lady, I cant divulge secrets like that. Youll have to get it out of me somehow, my signature wink hits her like Cupids arrow. I mean, thats how I think it hits her.
Theres an understanding in her eyes.
Her interest is piqued.
But now, we gotta dance the dance.
Chapter 31: Transactions
Chapter 31: Transactions
I wanted to shoot a joke saying that if she became my girlfriend, I would tell her the secret to multi-casting. But I have the distinct sensation that I would get punched silly at best.
I think that this soup is amazing, I say while theatrically ignoring Lucindas questions and blowing on the spoonful of hot soup.
Joey, you t-eared she starts insulting me, but I keep smiling.
Oh man, leverage.
Im surprised by the quick turn of events. Im still catching my footing too. Our rtionship just shifted quite a bit, didnt it? The stupid and silly human has learned a trick that most [Mages] will never figure out. And he has also employed his beautiful crush as his impromptuwyer.
Truly delicious, I take another spoonful. I cant even taste the soup. The sweetness of this role-reversal is too overwhelming.
I know that Lucinda wants to murder me, but now I got an in. The negotiation thing was just the start. Without even knowing it, I got her tangled in my.
Ok, lets backpedal for a second.
A part of me is very skeptical about this. Its not like it hasnt worked before, but this tactic wasnt always sessful in the past. I do care about Lucinda and Im a bit scared that if I take this too far, I might upset her.
Also, Im not nning on hurting her either.
Will I tell her the secret of multi-casting? Sure.
Should I, considering the possible consequences of this? I dont care.
Will I tell her without making her suffer for it the tiniest bit? Oh, I dont think so.
This is a dance of back and forth, subtlety, and smashing things with a sledgehammer.
Ill tell you, I say while smiling sweetly. As soon as she starts rxing and smiling back, I add with a wolfish grin, maybe. And there I put another spoonful of the hot soup in my mouth. This time I forgot to blow on it and its currently burning my tongue and my entire mouth, but I dont care. I go on as if nothing happened, while silently screaming in pain on the inside.
I can even pay you for it, Joey, she tells me with a serious tone.
First, I dont care about money that much. Second, I doubt that you have enough money to pay for it. It is my understanding that such a thing is extremely hard to aplish. Not even some [Grand Magi] have mastered the proper technique, have they?
I have no idea whether what Im saying is true, but it makes me sound smarter, so.
Oh, by the way, I met Augustus, wonderfuld, I change topic, bored with all this magic stuff.
You what? she narrows her eyes. Did you tell him about the multi-casting?
What? No. We went for a big breakfast, basically my first lunch. We talked about Elves, Humans and stuff.
She can definitely smell that somethings off.
Joey, what did he say about me?
That you two are like brother and sister and that he wants to make sure Im not a crook. We liked each other and we should go for lunch tomorrow. You are wee to join, by the way.
She slowly massages her temples with her eyes closed.
Okay, Joey. Listen to me. First, dont tell anyone about the multi-casting if you can. Its not something people would kill you for, but its still better to keep it under the lid. Second, Augustus better minds his own damn business when ites to me. If you still want me for the negotiation with the bakeries, no funny business, is that clear?
I mean, I wouldnt mind having some fun? I venture my proposal.
Im serious. I dont want Augustus to bother you, she says with a resolute gaze.
Hes not bothering me! We had fun, for real! I think hes a wholesome guy!
Lucinda stares at me but I just shrug.
Its true. Lucinda, I dont mean any funny business, I swear. I am just interested, you know.
Interested? she moved her tongue over her lips.
Yes, Lucinda, interested, in you I wink.
She sighs and starts eating her soup without saying anything else.
However, theres a tinkle in her eyes that doesnt fool me. Shes thinking about it. Shes thinking about me.
I eat my soup in silence as well, asionally staring at her beautiful face and her pointy ears, though.
Suddenly, I start thinking about Stan. I made sure that Antoninus got some food to him, and I will check on the guyter. I wonder how many homeless people are in this ce.
Lucinda, how many homeless guys like Stan are there around the city? Like, beggars and such.
She raises an eyebrow, clearly surprised by the question.
I have no idea. Hundreds, I would say. Most of them are not allowed on some streets, but a few people gather supplies for them and make sure they have something to eat. During winter, the council and the mayor arrange a shelter or two for beggars. Having dead bodies lying around early in the morning doesnt make for happy citizens.
Oh.
Come on.
She sees the grimace on my face and asks: What?
Its just they are people. I mean, they smell, they are a bit stabby sometimes. But the joke about having dead bodies on the streets bothering citizens is a bit distasteful.
If they want to stay on the streets, let them. And if you want to help them, go ahead, Im not stopping you. Im just not in the mood to pity people who chose such a miserable fate. Goy bricks or something if you need money to eat and a ce to stay.
Oh man.
Oh, God.
Here we go.
In an instant, all my attraction for Lucinda goes down the drain.
Oh man, this is so unfair.
Please Lucinda, throw me a bone here.
Its not about pity. I mean, not in its current meaning. There were people where Ie from that used to describe pity as piety, a different brand. Its about caring about others, making sure that no one suffers without a reason. Not everyone has to worry about those in need, but it would suffice not being mean about what they are going through. Thats all.
For Gods sake. Why do I care so much? Shes so hot. Why am I repulsed now?
I dont want to be a good person. I want to be a terrible person with a tremendously hot chick on my arm. Cant I have that, pretty please?
s, the answer is no.
Lucinda doesnt seem interested in replying to my statement and just eats her soup, probably thinking about my multi-casting ability.
Im not sure she knows that now she will never get it.
It is what it is.
Chapter 32: The Three Roses
Chapter 32: The Three Roses
The bakery is called Three Roses and not The Three Roses. I dont know why I need to point that out, but it seems fairly important. Or maybe its my brain trying to distract me from what my eyes are trying to shove in my crocodile brain.
I know, I know.
They are hot.
You know it, I know it, everyone knows it.
I mean, given the roses reference, I would have been disappointed if it had been otherwise.
What I did not expect was to find three pairs of sharp eyes looking at me like amb in an eagles nest.
And not in a sexual way.
I mean, in my head, this is slightly sexual. Im just not sure about them feeling the same way.
So, Luciani, Happy Bakery wants to buy your expertise. We know for sure that if that old hag wants to buy you out, you must be pretty valuable.
That was Amelia, the oldest sister. Judging by the looksI have no idea how old she is.
Lucinda told me they are all under thirty, but Amelia should be up there, close to the third decade.
Her eyes have a very weird purplish color. I havent paid particr attention to other Elves, but I thought their features were simr to those of humans, save for the pointy ears.
I gather that Lucinda has already exined that we would make you a partner if, and only if, your recipes proved to be original among Elves. Lucindas already made a point of telling us that we would notarize such an act and try to carry it out with utmost seriousness to make sure you are not swindled.
I turn to Lucinda.
This is already too much, I cringe, cant you just take care of it? Im really not in the mood.
Its true.
Im not in the mood to talk or charm the three beauties. After hearing Lucinda talk smack about homeless people, Im feeling sad. And, together with sadness, my tiredness has resurfaced. I just want to go and take a nap. Ill probably go over to Happy Bakery and tell them Ill sign whatever.
Amelia, please, the youngest sister intercepts her older sibling before she can resume. He looks tired, and he is clearly not interested in your terms and technicalities. Mr. Luciani, would you mind if I gave you a tour of the facility?
The youngest sister was probably around my age, almost as tall as me damn Elves and with blonde hair that had shades of pink.
Before we do
I cut off Lucinda with a raised hand.
Sure, it would be my pleasure. Ive been away from proper baking long enough. Im sure I can even show you something. Even if I end up with Clodia, I dont think its going to hurt the business that much.
Im Cami, by the way, she extends her hand.
I already know her name thanks to Lucinda, but I still smile and shake it.
Enchanted, I nod.
Shes very easy-going, and she brings me back to theb, ignoring the two older sisters and Lucinda.
She brings me through a tall door and into a long corridor.
We are specialized in easierpositions, things people can enjoy without necessarily sitting at a table. The idea was originally mine, even though Amelia and via like to say they came up with it. We can serve many people who go on their merry way with a packed lunch or just a snack. You would be surprised to find out that even [Farmers] and [Beast Tamers] stop by our shop more often than not.
Street food, huh?
Pardon?
Street food? I venture again.
Oh, I think she doesnt know the term.
Where Ie from, you call food you get from stands and so on street food. It means its convenient, I exin.
It sounds a little gross? Cami says.
Yeah, I guess it is a little gross, isnt it? It sounds like food you find on the street, literally. Huh, Ive never thought about it before.
Well, anyway, our business is simr to a restaurant system. We dont really have many big orders, but wepensate with the great foot traffic we get.
Yep, I saw that. I had to get into their office through another entrance. The front door was packed, and if my eyes didnt betray me, these three have at least six or seven attendants that serve food at the counter.
I could probably do even more than baking here. It would be fun as helling up with little things one could eat on the go. Making different kinds of street food would be a refreshing challenge.
And thats our properboratory, we go through another set of doors, and I find a simr environment to the one at Happy Bakery.
The main difference is that here, people are running.
They go very fast, back and forth, preparing batches upon batches of little salted pies, some sort of sandwiches, and so on.
We have to be ready to restock on the go. We never know how much we will need for the day, and we prefer making things fresh. So, people here level fast. Almost no one is below level 10, she puffs out her chest proudly.
Sadly, I have no idea how high level 10 is. Being level 1 myself, it could be very high. Or maybe very low.
Again, no idea.
This is lovely, I say while watching a male Elf make some sort of cheese cupcakes and fill the inside with juicy meat. But whats the catch? I already know about Clodias character, and I worked with them for a few days. They seem like nice people. I dont care about the money or the terms. What can you offer me that Clodia cant?
Im not interested in working with these people since I dont know them. I really liked the environment at Happy Bakery. But I do want to ask why they think I woulde here.
I still wonder whos Clodias sworn enemy here. Or her past lover, maybe. Something tells me that Amelia fits the bill.
My sisters, she sticks her fore thumb toward the door, now behind us, are two pricks. So, thats definitely a caveat.
Great sell, Iugh.
But, Im a great [Baker] and [Cook]. I love the profession, and I just want to make the best recipes. If you epted, we could work together and mix my elven heritage with yours.
Believe it or not, even though thest remark could sound like an innuendo, shes actually looking at me with clear, serious eyes.
I yawn so hard my eyes tear up a little.
Oof, sorry about that. Listen, Cami, I think we might have more to discuss. But why dont we catch something to eat together whenever works best for you? Your treat, because I still havent got much money. You people are treating me like a golden goose, but Im more like a homeless person right now. In fact, Clodias paying for my lodgings at the moment.
If you need, I could give you a ce to sleep in half an hour.
Meh, dont worry. Worsees to worst, Ill go bunk up with Stan.
Stan the homeless? she smiles.
Yep, I nod.
Oh, what a lovely guy. If you go to his street, would you mind bringing him a cupcake? she goes for a small bag made of leaves goddamn ecological Elves and puts three cheese cupcakes in it from the tray the Elf is working on the side.
Sure thing, I nod.
She chats me up a bit and brings me back to the office, where Lucinda has been waiting with the two older sisters.
The three women look at us with a little poison in their eyes.
Chapter 33: Nice
Chapter 33: Nice
When Iy down on my bed, I just want to drown in it. I want to physically enter the weird spongy mattress and disappear in it.
Is it too much to ask?
So, a short summary of the day.
Augustus is a wholesome guy so far.
Lucinda is apparently a prick.
Cami is hot but not bothered by me. And she could be a very interesting partner. Her sisters are pricks, but she volunteered the information herself, so
Too many decisions.
Im on the verge of closing my eyes and falling asleep when
[Mage Level 3!]
[Skill Deep Focus Acquired!]
[Skill Light Maniption Acquired!]
Oh man.
Come on.
Now you made me curious.
I hoist myself up from the bed, grumpy as hell.
Deep Focus? So, I just say [Deep Focus]? nothing happens.
Maybe I need to think about focusing a lot
WOAH.
Every single noise in the room goes silent.
Since I was thinking about the skill, I started to closely analyze its effects, forgetting about the rest of the world. I feel calm and collected; I can barely remember anything thats unrted to this current task.
After a few seconds, Im actively trying to get distracted, but its like my mind is automatically brought back to the skill. [Deep Focus] makes my mind unterally engaged with something, it appears.
I deactivate the skill and the world spins a little.
Woah, this is trippy as hell, I mutter.
Well, I guess that [Light Maniption] does what I was trying to do but kind of allows me to do it better?
Ok, Im going to sleep now.
I rest my head on the pillow and, finally, I drift off.
Cami was staring daggers at Amelia.
You couldnt shut your goddamn mouth? she bangs a fist on the table.
Cami, I was just trying to
You are an idiot! Cami shouted at her sister. Couldnt you see he was tired?! He was even sad for some reason, and you started talking shop like that? What do you have between your ears? Sawdust?!
Amelia stayed silent and put her eyes on the ground. On the side, via, the silent one, offered her own piece of mind.
He seems like a nice person. Lets give him some time. Avoid hounding him, Cami. If hes alreadyfortable at Happys, they might bank on that and steal him just like that, via snapped her fingers.
Cami calmed down and removed a lock of pinkish-blond hair from her eyes.
Hes a nice person, Cami sighed. And hes not in it for the business, Amelia. If we want the guy, we have to y nice and cozy.
Yeah sure, Id like to see you do that, Amelia scoffed.
They were in the office. Lucinda had left together with Joey, and they had been discussing what to do.
That Lucinda has a crush on him, via dered sheepishly.
Which makes it even more important that we treat both with respect and fairly, Cami said while staring at her oldest sister.
Amelia sighed and shrugged.
Anyway, that guy seems veryfortable with our concept of baking. He called it street food and I would bet both your tits that he could bankrupt us, Cami started biting her lower lip with a fire in her eyes. But if we get him, we might even put Happys out of business.
Yeah, thats what my skills telling me, via nodded.
[Talent Scouting]
via was both a [Cook] and a [Restaurant Administrator].
They all had a secondary specialized ss.
Amelia sighed.
Listen, Cami, its up to you. I cant deal with kids.
One day, sister, Ill fire your ass, Cami pointed a finger at her sibling, and not even Father will be able to put you back here.
Sure, Cami, Amelia scoffed and went out.
You two should stop fighting, via said.
Please, via, please. I dont want to hear it.
Cami put her hands up.
She couldnt deal with idiocy at the moment.
She was too focused on the problem at hand.
Joey was a very nice boy, but he also seemed quite nave. She really wanted to work with him, and she did not care that he was a human.
You like the boy, via told her.
I like someone who can bake, sister, Cami shook her head. Hes a human. Im not Amelia, I dont need to chase, or be chased, by every member of the male or female race.
Hes cute, though.
Snatch him up for yourself, then, via. I need him for baking. Ill leave the non-baking activities to you.
viaughed and shrugged.
Not that cute, she too got up and left the office.
Cami stayed behind, thinking.
She hadnt got much from the Human. He was clearly too tired to show the main side of his character, and something seemed to have him depressed. Lucinda had told them he was the bubbliest person around.
Was he suddenly not liking his stay in Amorium? And where had hee from, by the way? There were humans in the elven city, but they were not Is it homesickness or is it heartbreak?
He had looked wistfully at his own legal representative, and it looked like there was something there. Maybe that something had rotten.
Cami looked at the walls where a few nice letters of rmendation had been framed. Even [Gourmets] had praised her innovative approach to food. Some had despised her and said that she was dessing the culinary experience to themonfolk level, but she saw it as just feeding people better food. It wasntplicated.
She kept them both, hate and love. The hate she received together with the envy was fuel for her ambitions.
And food critics could say all they wanted that she was whoring out high-ss cuisine, but she wasnt going to stop. Hell, she was going to double down very soon.
She would get to Joey and learn all about this street food he mentioned.
Whatever the cost.
Chapter 34: 529 Cantrips
Chapter 34: 529 Cantrips
Once you start learning some magic, you truly dont expect your life to be riddled with the same stupid problems that affected you before. So, when I wake up with a terrible pain in my neck, Im surprised.
Wouldnt you think that once you start leveling up and doing that kind of stuff you wouldnt get neck pain from sleeping on a bad pillow?
What now? Do I have to invent cervical pillows?
And how long did I sleep anyway? I look at the enchanted clock that Clodia gifted me, and I notice its 4 PM. I slept an hour and a half, or so.
Im feeling better.
The whole fiasco with Lucinda really put a dent in my mood.
Shes beautiful and smart. Plus, the first time I looked at her, I immediately felt like she was the perfect candidate to be my future wife.
But what am I supposed to do? I cant date or court someone whos mean. I have enough issues in my life without adding a mean person to it, dont I?
One of said issues is the book that currently rests on my nightstand. I wish it was some erotica, to be honest. It would have caused less problems so far.
Now, I must tell Lucinda Im not going to teach her how to multi-cast because she was an ass. Oh, sure. Lets go tell her that after we relentlessly flirted with her, hired her as awyer, and even told her we would probably teach her.
Let someone shoot me in the head right now, please. Put an end to my suffering.
I look at the window, since there was a whole world out there. It was messy, but magical. It was full of romance maybe but also a big pain in the ass.
Thats why I decide to look at the book.
Im not in the mood to be told what to do, who I am and what my future should be. But Im also not in the mood to stir up any trouble in the outside world.
Wassup, book, how you doin?
The book flies in front of me and opens in the middle.
Description: simul-casting [Lights] is the most appropriate exercise based on your evaluation by the The Omnium Compendium! Yourst attempt gave life to a superior [Light] spell. Now, you must take one of the great challenges in advance. Wasting your talent is a mortal sin. And with a mortal [Thunderbolt] you shall be rewarded if you ck off!
Requirement: learn how to simul-cast at least three inferior [Light] spells in a month.
The description of the previous assignment appears. Slightly below it, the book adds something new.
Youpleted the homework assigned to you well in advance. Magister Mulligan would be impressed by his disciple.
You receive a prize for such a great deed!
Huh, a prize.
Im not that excited.
Not being zapped to death is already something.
But I wouldnt mind something nice. I wonder if there is a chance that Ill get a physical prize. Maybe its a magical wizard robe?
The prize is an even bigger assignment!
Why do I even bother?
The pages flip and the book materializes new ink.
The road to mastery is hard! You will need to practice different matrixes, more and moreplex. However, [Light] is the foundation for everything else.
You will need to practice spinning, shape-changing, dynamic movements, coordination, and many other cantrips!
Magister Mulligan prepared 529 cantrips to practice! And you qualify to practice them all!
What?
WHAT?!
How many?!
Once you have practiced all the cantrips, you will finally have the necessary foundation to start practicing magic properly! And dont go learning some inferior spells outside the Omnium Compendium if you dont want to suffer at the hands of the [Thunderbolt Curse]!
Whats this stupid nerfing?
So, lets see if I got this right:
This is an extremely powerful self-teaching relic that should impart insane knowledge onto you. However, the same Relic gives you stupid tricks to strengthen your foundation. Now, what would happen if I were one of those wacko adventurers who needed to survive? Or what if I were simply thrown in a dangerous spot? Would I flicker some light at monsters, while they delightfully chewed on my bones?
And let me guess; there is a very strict deadline on this stupid homework assignment.
Be careful, new apprentice, there is a very strict deadline on the assignment.
Well. It is what it is.
Only by pushing against the boundaries can a [Mage] truly shine!
Description: you will have nine months to strengthen your foundation as a [Mage]. Magister Mulligan would be proud of such a hard-working disciple!
Do they have normal months here?
Like, if there are nine days a week, are there still twelve months?
And why didnt I ask before?
Well, assuming that a month still has around thirty days, it should be
Requirement: learn how to perform all 529 cantrips in the next nine months. Ask the book to teach you the cantrips.
Days remaining: 333
So, wait. Isnt that more than it should be?
I do some quick math in my head. I mean, the math is quick. I am slow.
Thats like thirty-six something days per month? Thirty-seven? What the hell?
Its a pretty number, at least. 333, I mean.
Did I get all the cantrips because of my exploit? I should have waited maybe, simte some mediocrity. Once again, working hard doesnt pay off, does it?
Book, show me cantrip number one.
If I want to make it, I need to learn what, two cantrips a day? One and a half maybe?
The first exercise Magister Mulligan has put down is to make two [Light] circles one after another at the same speed for a full minute.
How do they have the notion of a minute?
I turn toward the magical clock and, indeed, there is a hand meant for seconds.
Well, how difficult can it be to"
Oh, shut up, shut up. Shut the hell up, Joey.
Why, why.
Why would you say that?
Chapter 35: Cantrip #1
Chapter 35: Cantrip #1
As you can imagine, its not just hard, it nigh impossible.
Once you summon two [Lights] its not hard to move them around. But the movements are all jagged and snappy; they do not flow smoothly at all.
And at the same, speed probably means that they cannot run unevenly like that.
Lets see if my new skill can help.
[Deep Focus]
The world stills.
My breath is extremely loud in this state. At the same time, its almost hypnotic. My heart, too, provides me with a rhythm; its incessant beating is a melody that lets me dive deeper into this focused state.
I take a renewed look at the two [Lights].
[Advanced Mana Sense]
Usually, I reel after activating the skill. However, the [Deep Focus] allows me to brush it aside. My eyes are fixed on the spell matrixes.
What is it that makes a spell move?
Is it just moving around the matrix? Am I trying to push a car instead of turning on the ignition?
I imagine [Fireballs] must be thrown at quite the speed if you want to hit a moving target.
But is it like a slingshot or is there a proper engine?
Whats the best way to ask such a question to the book?
Book, I say, still in my focused state, is there aponent in the matrix that will make the spell move?
The book, still open in mid-air, changes page.
No. Movement is not a part of the matrix per se.
But does it have anything to do with the matrix?
The book takes a second to answer, the cheeky bastard.
How a spell matrix is built might change its prity. The four cardinal points have an influence on magic. If you want to manipte the trajectory, you have to manipte how a spell matrix is created.
Can you enhance how charged the prity of a spell is?
Yes.
I immediately dispel two out of three [Light] matrixes. Instead, I focus on one matrix, right in front of me. I look at the familiar squiggly lines. At the beginning, it took me three minutes to create a [Light]. Now, after the understanding gained from the multi-casting, the casting time has been halved.
Im on the verge of tracing the lines, but I suddenly stop.
Damn.
Book, does the number of starting points you use to make a matrix influence its prity?
Yes.
I swear, you useless piece of crap, I exit the focus mode, what the hell?! Why wouldnt you tell me that? What if I get stuck on something so stupid for a month? It was a random thought but if I didnt catch it, I would be still
I get zapped.
For fu
Zapped, again.
You little piece of sh
Zapped.
My muscles are still spasming and my jaw is clenched so tightly it hurts.
My father would have probably made an altar to this book. This was education-aimed, physical abuse on another level. My parents would have probably funded whatever research that could have done the same in my previous life.
I still remember when they saw an ad for a watch that zapped you, or someone else wearing it, when they were not doing what they are supposed to. Thank God I was out of school by then, because I suspect I might have received a different kind of [Thunderbolt Curse] then.
Talented mages should walk their own path. Asking questions is allowed, but freely gifting knowledge would hamper the progress on the path to be an [Archmage].
I swear, this [Archmage] bull is giving me a huge headache.
I see the point.
But is 23 truly a high level, talent-wise? It doesnt sound like much.
I would ask Lucinda, but Im afraid of the answer. What if Im actually gifted? Would someone abduct me and bring me to the Nine whatchamacallit? Thats not going to happen, right? I mean, there wouldnt be a psycho so out of his mind that would abduct me and
Ok, lets stop there.
Lets not tempt Lady Luck, shall we?
I start looking left and right, expecting a superviin to pop up from nowhere and lock me in chains in his/her basement.
Now that Im out of the focused state, the her basement thing and the in chains part be a distracting thought. It wouldnt be that bad if the superviin was extremely hot, would it?
I mean, if Lucinda were to abduct me to learn my secrets You know, do a little torture, a little spanking maybe to make me confess. Then, when she sees Im not caving, she could try and seduce me and
Am I disgusting?
I wonder. I truly do.
Do other people have the same line of thought as I do?
For the sake of the argument, if a disgusting scale existed, where would I rank?
Lets say at the 1st spot you are a serial killer maniac with deviant sexual taste. So, if thats the first out of ten spots, are normal people, what, a 9? 10 and you are, like, a Mormon. Wait, are Mormons kinky? Shoot, I have no idea. I wish I had a search engine on hand. Google. Or maybe Bing would be better suited for this research if you know what I mean.
So, Id say that at the 2nd spot you are like a stalker or something, or someone who would do something despicable to get his fix. Yeah, not killing, but maybe harassment. Or wait, does being depraved mean that you must harass?
The discussion in my head is getting too philosophical and its probably better to table it for another time.
I look at the first cantrip once again.
Having two orbs of [Light] rotate on each other for a minute
It might not sound as the hardest thing on Earth, but it sure as hell isnt easy. Well, lets give it another try.
Chapter 36: Vectors
Chapter 36: Vectors
Entering the [Deep Focus] state again, I notice how my skills have not gifted me anything as active as raising dough. They fall more into a maniption and support category. Self-support, obviously, but still support.
The book does not want me to learn magic from its tit. Is this the foundation of a well-rounded mage gunning for [Archmage], or is it that everyone goes down this path? In my focused state, the first answer seems more usible.
I crack my neck and get back to work.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I look at the matrix levitating a few meters from me, and I pick out ten different points I could start from. I choose eight on one side, and two on the other. Its a clear imbnce that should allow me to see how this prity works.
Its much harder than Id initially thought.
I fail to fill up the wobbly lines more than once. In the end, its the seventh attempt that goes well.
Even though in this case well is a bit of a stretch.
The [Light] orb I created suddenly speeds up toward the wall, then it brakes, and starts going once again. It continues its choppy dance for about ten seconds, before hitting the wooden walls with a soft thud.
I summon another matrix and this time I just stare at it.
I investigate the lines as if they could give me an answer.
Why was the movement so jerky?
I just put more points in the direction I wanted the [Light] to move and they
How am I going to get a circr motion?
Thats another concern.
But [Deep Focus] brings me back to the staggered pace.
The first time I was tracing it, the book highlighted how important time was. The dimensions Im working in are not just spatial.
How much time you need to trace a line influences the oue.
How much mana you use for each line, too.
And how many points.
These are three variables, so far.
Time, space (points), quantity.
A creepy sensationes over me and I shiver, quitting at once the [Deep Focus].
I know what this is.
Holy Mother of macaroni.
This is goddamn Physics!
I now want to pull out my hair, one by one.
How can it be Physics?
It doesnt make sense!
I summoned ten [Lights] based on intuition, improvisation and focus.
But wasnt I simply manipting different vectors?
I have a gut feeling.
St. Peter almighty, please shield my soul from those terrible memories.
The jaggednesses from vectors.
I swear, I have tears in my eyes.
I like to say that Im not good at science, but its mostly because I dont want to be good at it. Now, you might think what an arrogant self-entitled prick, and some of you might even be right!
But the truth is that math is hard. You only get so far with a great understanding. You have to put in the hours if you want to understand greater problems!
My sadistic professors took pleasure in torturing me with always moreplex problems. My mother even told me that they should hold me back a year if I refused to do them. My own mother!
Wasted talent.
For Gods sake.
Shoot me.
I swear to God.
Someone, go take a pistol and put threeno, twenty-three bullets in my brain!
I refuse!
I said, I refuse!
I still remember my Physics professor jokingly saying,e on, Joey! Physics is more enjoyable than math! Its all about thinking, not just stupid numbers!
A Physics doctorate student used toe to my bakery and hang out with me at times. The few times he talked about his job, I felt the primal need to choke him.
I dont want to learn!
If I watch National Geographic sometimes, its only because I hope that one day a tiger will maul the cameraman and they will let us enjoy trash television in peace, without the need to watch a documentary every once in a while to avoid feeling guilty.
If I need brainy moments, I look into books. And even then, fiction, or ancient epic poems. Non-fiction is for people who believe they will be the next Elon Musk. Bless them for trying, for sure, but Im not interested in your 4-hour workweek, pal.
I dont want to optimize my life; I dont want to run faster or learn better! I want to enjoy the time I have, thats all!
And Physics is my archenemy.
But Im forced to look at the matrix again.
Because now Im interested.
Goddammit.
Thats the worst. Thats how the professors tricked me: they would pique my curiosity, titite my ego, and make me feel much smarter when I solved one of their stupid thingies.
And now I cannot look away from the matrix.
I think Ive figured out a part of the problem.
This prity thing is about making the vectors go in the same direction. But they are not firing at the same time. Theres not just a force behind them, which makes them go faster or slower, theres an actual trigger, isnt there?
This is utterly fascinating.
I dont even need the [Deep Focus] right now.
I simply stare at the world made of mana in admiration.
If any scientist worth their salt could see what Im seeing right now, they would soil themselves from all the excitement.
Whats a vector?
Its like a bird that starts flying and pushes something or just goes somewhere.
It can push or fly, that simple.
Here, we have a bunch of birds flying away at the wrong time, causing a chain-reaction. Imagine a bunch of cars stuck in traffic, very close to each other; now, each car elerates at a different time instead of moving when the green light is on or when the car in front moves. So, they bump into each other at an irregr interval.
I click my tongue, ready to tackle the problem and low-key hating myself for it.
Chapter 37: Fastball
Chapter 37: Fastball
Whatever magic is, Im a sucker for it.
Theres no denying it.
Theres no Lucinda, no baking, nothing in the world, while I look at this problem. Its like everything else ceased existing the moment I started practicing.
As I was saying, birds and cars make up for an interesting problem, but I have to figure out how the prity works. The fact that vectors can go off at different times already solved the problem of spinning in a circle, maybe, but I still dont understand how the movement is generated.
Im thinking of electromaic fields and such, but something tells me the answer lies elsewhere.
At first, I expected the [Light] to move in the opposite direction it had actually moved. I imagined it would have gone where fewer starting points had been generated. Why? Sort of like an osmosis process, moving to fill in the energy void. Instead, it went in the direction I had started tracing from.
Was the first mana I hadid down doing something while I traced the rest? Did it generate some sort of a pull that attracted the rest?
What was it?
The question ws at my curiosity, but I decide to put it away and get back to the practical problem.
Time, quantity and energy.
What else is there?
How thick or thin I paint those ethereal lines?
No, thats just following the matrix. Maybe a more experienced [Mage] can touch that thickness to harness different effects, but its not something Im concerned with. Its just a byproduct of those using magic, not an intrinsic property.
You can go faster or slower, you can
Synchronize them?
Its still about time, but I realize Ive been tracing the matrix at different speeds while not maintaining a constant eleration for the individual paths. Its good if its not moving, because you still end up with a spell, but otherwise, it bes a problem!
But this means that I have to look at an end-point, where every single line is converging, and I cannot make adjustments on the go. Well, that sounds like a massive pain since the matrixes are a bit different
Are they actually different?
I mean, they obviously are. But its like dealing with minute differences that can probably be homologated into one fixed matrix if I dont care about 100% efficiency.
Book, do [Mages] craft each matrix differently every time?
No.
And thats that.
It makes much more sense, doesnt it?
You wouldnt expect someone to cast the best version of a stupid spell like [Light] every single time?
I quit the [Deep Focus] because I feel my mind is getting taxed. Also, I dont need it for the next few steps. I prefer letting my mind wander a bit to get the best out of me.
I still keep the [Advanced Mana Sense] on and I look at a matrix that I put a few meters from me. I can still see it clearly, thanks to the shenanigans of my skill; distance doesnt seem to affect me when working with the spell.
I look at all the squiggly moving lines and I start picking out starting points. I dont bother with any difficult movements right now, I just want the [Light] to go straight.
And by the way, as a side note. The Mulligan fellow, who invented this book, is a madman. Or was a madman. I dont know if hes dead or alive. But the problem Im solving is something insane. Theres no way anyone can do all 529 cantrips in 333 days; its in impossible. Just making a [Light] go in a straight line is a goddamn Herculean Labor.
This is hard work.
I dont like it.
But, oh, boy, am I curious about whats going to happen.
As soon as Im done picking up the starting points, I look at the lines.
Its time to experiment.
Even though the lines are slightly different every time, the time to get from the starting point to the end seems to stay almost the same. A realization suddenly hits me.
I can probably pre-track the lines in my mind and then try to re-do the in the matrix itself. Since I started doing magic, Ive had the distinct impression that my thinking abilities have been somewhat enhanced. Its hard to figure out the distance in a way that would make every line go at pretty much the same speed. But I need to figure it out if I want to give the [Light] spell a good and smooth eleration.
Now, I know I should be careful and not rush into things. But its like being a kid with a lot of dry wood and an entire box of matches. Sometimes, we just want to see the world burn.
Therefore, even though Im aware its a terrible idea, I look at the matrix and I sketch out the spell in half-a-second.
Before I exin what happened right after that, let me remind you thatst time it took me around a minute and a half to cast the spell. So, half a second is what, something like 150 times faster? Yeah, something like that. And do not forget that the spell had actually hit the wall with a soft thud, right? That means the spell has a substance, a manner of physicality.
What would happen if the casting speed and the movement speed were corrted? And what if they were corrted by an exponential rtionship? Lets say, theres a curve that goes VROOOM when you get under ten seconds or so I dont have the numbers, sadly, so Im eyeballing here. So, what if said curve meant that the spell would elerate at insane speed? How fast was it before? Lets say a mile per hour. Maybe less. For the sake of the argument, lets put it at 0.3 mph.
You multiply that by 150 and you get 45 mph.
I know, I didnt want to do math, but my brain is refusing to ept whats just happened. So, please, bear with me.
Fastballs in baseball can reach up to 100 mph. What happens if such a projectile hits you in the face? Well, bottom line is that its not pleasant.
So, our dear spell has gone off like a very fast ball and it hit the wooden wall. How fast is beyond me. I have no idea for two reasons. First, I was still using my magic skill that distorted the world in favor of seeing its pure energy. Second, Im not a huge baseball fan.
What I know is that I just put a hole in a thick, wooden wall.
Another thing I know is that I can already feel someone stomping to my room.
Chapter 38: More Food
Chapter 38: More Food
What is that? Agostina, my terrifyingndy, stares balefully at me.
A hole? I smile.
A hole?
A big bad hole, I nod.
You put a hole in my walls? she shouts.
Yep, I say while clicking my tongue.
This idiot put a hole in my wall, she stares at it, uprehending.
You know, sometimes it happens.
Holes? Are you saying that holes happen?
Well, now, lets not dismiss that as if it was so stupid. Maybe there are some wood-eating bugs that
You better tell Clodia that Im having her pay through the nose for that! she says and then she ms the door behind her.
Im so close to sighing in relief but then she opens the door again.
And if you damage my property once again, Luciani, Ill poison your damn tea and have you drink it through your ears. Is that clear?
Is the ear thing some elven ng?
Aye, madame, I stand to attention like a soldier.
Humans, she spits out before going back.
Well, that wasnt the most pleasant exchange, was it?
I have to admit, though, I did put a very conspicuous hole, the size of a baseball, in the wall. Its hard not to notice it as soon you enter the apartment.
I do need to practice my magic somewhere, dont I?
A training ground of some sorts or
Someone knocks on my door.
Luciani! You have a visitor! myndy shouts from the other side of the door.
Cami is almost thrown at me by myndy, who shuts the door right after.
That woman is even worse than they describe her, Cami looks at me with wide eyes. I just asked her where you lived. Shouldnt she avoid barging in her tenants apartments?
Oh, wow. Hi. No, yes. Shes a bit much, but I just damaged a wall andwhatever.
I stumble a little on my words, confused.
I take a step back and look at her again.
Shes wearing a pinkish dress, simr to a spring fashion look back on Earth. It doesnt have many frills, but her cuteness is still off the charts.
Hi, again, Cami, Im getting a grip on myself, finally, what brings you here?
You promised me a dinner, remember? she winks at me.
Oh.
Did I?
You dont remember? Dont worry, I already sent a message to the owner to reserve a table for us.
I mean, at least Im not starving in this world. Everyone seems quite happy to take me out for breakfasts, lunches and dinners. In fact, I start worrying about my waistline. Will I be a little pig and then find out that Elves actually eat humans?
Could that be sexual?
Probably.
Hello? she waves a hand in front of my eyes.
Sorry, I just realized that you Elves really like taking people out to eat, I note.
Yeah, I know that humans are usually more reserved and aloof. We like to treat our guests. Even if they are stinky humans. Are youing dressed like that?
I look at the simple garb that I acquired from the market. Or that Clodia bought for me. I dont remember whats what. Its just a simplebo of brownish pants and a linen shirt.
I have some nicer clothes, I say with a smile, but I still have to wash them. You might find them a bit weird for your tastes, though.
I have a [Cleanse] wand with me, to show me, she simply points a stick at me and mutters something.
The next second, I feel like I just took a shower.
WOW! I immediately go for the armpit sniffing. I dont stink anymore!
Its a must when you spend your entire day in the kitchen, baking. This cleans flour clumps from your hair easily. Its also a quick solution to cleaning clothes to re-use. However, if you buy one, dont forget to wash the clothes regrly. This is a quick fix, but most of the dirt simply dissolves and bes almost invisible. If you overuse it, you might find yourself covered in very nasty grime at some point. And its going be hard to wash that off.
I listen to Cami with rapt interest.
Shes refreshingly direct and honest.
So, where are the other clothes? she jiggles the wand.
Right.
After getting her to clean my jeans and shirt I was wearing on the subway, I take a quick look at my backpack and other stuff I hid under the bed. I havent even tried to use my phone. I remember turning it off in the subway, but I never turned it back on again. I suspect that seeing remnants of my past life would not be pleasant at all.
Are you ok? she asks when I stay a bit too long crouched above the backpack.
Yeah. Im trying to avoid thinking of home. I cant go back, and I still have some things I carry with me that remind me of that.
Shes surprisingly tactful for such an energetic person and doesnt ask any questions.
By the way, are the two guards in front of the building here for you? Cami changes the topic while I sit on the bed.
Yep. Clodia said some people might have it out for me, especially while we are in the middle of a negotiation. She says its extremely unlikely, but a couple of chaperones would also help me get ustomed to Amorium.
And are you? Getting ustomed, I mean, she smiles and sits in a chair in the apartment.
Im not sure I mentioned it, but this is basically a studio apartment. It is quiterge, but there isnt the usual privacy of a multi-room solution.
Honestly, Ive mostly met nice people. I havent suffered any racist episodes. I got treated to lots of meals and very nice people want to work with me because of my baking knowledge. Considering the precarious situation I was in when I arrived, Im doing extremely good.
Cami bit her lower lip. Not sexually, but with a well-hidden frown.
Laying roots in a new ce is not easy, even if people are nice and if you make money, she gives me a sad smile.
I dont know how we went so deep into this mncholic vibe, but it happened so naturally, I didnt even notice slipping into it. And Im pretty sure shes only partially talking about me.
Cami, I need to be honest with you. Im not sure I can pick the Three Roses. I
Its fine, Joey. But lets go put some food in our stomachs before we talk about refusals and business, okay? Ill wait outside. Get changed.
After shes out, my eyes linger on the door for a few seconds.
And I smile with both eyes and mouth.
Chapter 39: Camilla
Chapter 39: Cami
Cami chomps down on her steak, uncaring about the stares some other elven women are giving her. Shes chewing and speaking without a worry in the world.
So, you are surprised by us Elves? You imagined we would be whats the term you used?
Aloof? I volunteer.
She snorts some of the water she was drinking through her nose.
Oh God, sheughs, sorry about that. Yeah, no. Thats the humans. Elves are pretty easy-going. Have you been living under a rock all this time?
I slowly chew my own rare steak and ponder. You would be surprised by how good it is, especially considering we imagine Elves as Nazi-vegans.
Well, Ivee here by chance. Ie from very, very far away. And I cant really go back. I think.
Nah, Im fairly sure Im stuck here forever.
Cami slows down her ravenous jaws for a second and cleans her mouth with a handkerchief. She looks a bit sadder now, and much more serious.
Care to tell me that story?
It makes me extremely ufortable to talk about this stuff. Honestly, Ive been doing pretty well in the
It makes me extremely ufortable to talk about this stuff, I say, choosing to voice my thoughts for once, Ive been doing pretty well here. I cant really say Im unlucky, but at the same time, I feel anxious. I feel like everything coulde crashing down on me at any moment.
When I opened the bakery, my sisters didnt work for me. I didnt have any money to hire people and I could barely afford the equipment. I wanted to put my head in a piss bucket and drown myself.
This time, its my turn to snort water from my nose.
That cheered me up a little.
If you need help jumping off a cliff, just tell me.
Cami winks at me and resumes eating her steak.
Yeah, I get the feeling. But I have to say, the piss-bucket does sound more original. I want to do something that puts my heart at ease, you know. Im not interested in adventuring, risking my life, or even pushing to be the biggest baker in existence. I want to bake my stuff, sell it, make some money, go eat a steak with a friend.
Cami looks at the table for a second before raising her eyes up at me. She had been bouncing her leg up and down all night, this energetic young woman. And now, her stare was poking holes in my very soul.
You are a bit off, arent you?
The questiones out of the blue.
What do you mean?
I asked Lucinda when she first came to us. She told me you were the most energetic and weird idiot she had ever known. There was admiration in her voice. And everyone knows Lucinda, shes like a chosen in this city. If someone has a shot at that archmagery business, its her. Why would a future [Archmage] be impressed with?
She points usingly at me, waggling her finger up and down. Camis taking a brief pause to chew her food, unexpectedly. But I feel like its more to stare at me and to think; in fact, I dare not interrupt the flow of the thoughts shes brewing.
She finally rests down her condemning finger.
Flirty, smart, bright. Always a good answer in his quiver. Thats what Lucinda told me, basically. And there you are, instead, a sad piece of Human.
I mean, its true.
I cant really deny that Im still extremely put down.
I had a crush on Lucinda.
Past tense.
I think.
I want to believe.
In the past tense, apparently.
Yeah. Its just that shes a bit too mean for me. I was talking about homeless people. Being a baker, making some extra food is no bother for me. And if I can give some out, I usually do. And dont get me wrong: Im no saint. But I care and I act on it, sometimes.
We are not close friends, but I barely have anyone to talk to in this world. Im giving her a curt version of the story when she interrupts me.
Let me guess, she said homeless people are stupid idiots who could just go find a job, Cami said with some hrity in her eyes.
I nod and shrug.
So, you wanted to seduce a heartless nutjob whose biggest fetish is learning new spells and crushing others with her wit and power, right?
I stare at Cami, not that amused.
Then, said nutjob behaves like the nutjob she is, and you are surprised? Ha! I swear, HUMANS, shesughing so hard that the serveres to our table and kindly asks to tone it down.
Oh, Joey, you are killing me.
Shes all red and can barely breathe.
I could have mustered up a lot of jokes about that if I had been in the right mood.
Im d my pain is making your dinner so enjoyable.
Im not bitter, but neither that enthused.
She keepsughing, hard, and she even bangs her hand on the table.
Oh, for all the rotten muffins and cupcakes. You are all sad and pouty because the nutjob said something mean! Joey, please, dont look at me like that, Im suffocating!
Man, Cami is now taking deep breaths and giggling in between. You would be so foolish as to ask my sister Amelia to help you look after a puppy on the street. And then you would be surprised when she drowned you and the puppy, stole all your money and recipes with some necromantic magic, and made a bag out of the puppy.
Your sister knows necromantic magic?
Nah, but shes probably a witch. Or a bitch. Almost homophone, arent they? she snorts.
I snort as well.
Man, you are something, arent you? I startughing too, the more I think about the absurdity of my situation and Camis words.
Whats the next item on your list, getting Clodia to fall in love with you? Or you know what, why dont you go and jump off the walls of the city, maybe youll learn how to fly!
I narrow my eyes, even if Im stillughing.
Its time for the old bag of tricks to do its work.
Cami, be ready, because Joey Luciani is going to pull his moves now, you little brat!
Chapter 40: Moisture
Chapter 40: Moisture
You know, sometimes I think about those Japanese cartoons. Yeah, call it Anime or whatever, I dont care. Im not a huge fan, but I did watch a few. And one of the things that always struck me is how overbearing some female characters could be and how they would make the protagonist all flustered. I mean, I could appreciate some fellow Japanese masochism, but thats beside the point.
The thing is, now, Im living something simr. I find myself in a cartoon-like situation. But its not on the overbearing-romance category as much as the what-the-hell-just-happened category.
And heres what happened.
I look at Cami with an eyebrow raised and a wide grin, feeling my energy back where it should be. I just realized how down Ive been throughout the entire day.
I swiftly crack my neck before hunching slowly towards her. Im half-standing, with my hands on the table. My gaze is so intense that it could probably moisturize a patch of dry skin or spring an oasis in the desert.
Cami just asked who my next target would be, and thats my switch.
Well, beautifuldy, what if the next item on my list is you? my voice is almost husky, arrogant, ambitious, and so deep its probably making the ss windows of this ce vibrate.
Beware, girls, your bras might unsp by themselves right now.
I even add a soft version of my signature wink while I stare intensely at Cami.
Im not interested in making a move on her. However, Ill take some blushing. This has already worked really well in the past, and I fully expect it to work again. She has been making fun of me, so its only natural that I want some payback.
I feel my body slowly regenerating the usual electricity that powers it through my shenanigans. Its as if my engine was finally awakening after the whole Lucinda fiasco,ing to life with renewed force.
We are back in business, baby!
My senses are heightened, my facial expressions as bold as ever, my smile overshines diamonds! Im exhrated! I dont even know why!
Cami cant possibly resist this, can she? She will probably fall for me or something; maybe I should even dial my act down since shes so nice. I really dont want to break her heart. She doesnt deserve that. I mean, she does deserve some teasing on my part, but this teasing could really have her lose her head.
I soften my expression a bit, getting ready to back down.
Cami, whos now wearing a sweet smile on her face, raises a hand.
And she puts a finger in my nostril in one swift move.
What the f
She takes the finger back, and she pops it in her mouth.
Horror!
Mouth agape!
Vomit!
What!
What just happened!
I froze and my eyes are so wide I think my eyelids are going to disappear back into my skull.
Yummy, she smiles and then resumes eating her steak.
What?!
WHAT?!
Cami, what the?!
She looks at me with innocent eyes. In a fraction of a second, however, her expression turns evil, and she raises her finger again.
Ive never been an athletic person in my entire life, but if sitting back on your chair ever became an Olympic discipline, I would be the current Gold Medal holder.
Good, she chimes.
Why did you do that?! And did you eat it?! my tone is strained, almost teary.
Oh,e on. Its just a little game. You tried a move, I did a move myself, Cami said as if popping your finger inside the booger-holder of another person was the most natural thing ever.
YOU PUT A FINGER IN MY NOSE AND THEN IN YOUR MOUTH! AND YOU SAID YUMMY! HOW IS THAT A MOVE!
I swear to God Im going to have a seizure.
Yeah, and you tried to make a move, right? Its just a little joke, dont sweat it so much. I thought you were smoother with thedies.
You put your finger in my nose and then in your mouth! Hows that normal?!
Who said anything about normal? It was surely fun, though.
Here she is, Cami, in her pink dress and with her cute little face, chomping on a massive steak twice the size of her face, right after sharing a second-hand wet kiss with the inside of my nose.
I mean, if you want some, I can share, she puts a finger in her nose, eliciting a terror in me that only a few times Ive ever felt. Im not even sure a tax module could make my stomach lurch like this.
She offers me the boogered finger and thats when an angel, disguised as a waiter,es to our table.
Excuse me, miss Cami. You both have to leave. The guestsined about this the waiter points at her boogery-finger and adds, looking at me, you have also caused amotion with all the screaming. Ill pack your food.
Cami nodded and shrugged.
This is not the first time you get thrown out, is it? I ask with an actualugh.
Its definitely not going to be thest, she winks at me and gets up.
We have some goodughs while we get back to my apartment and we finish eating the steaks and the weird vegetables served with it.
I could have asked a bunch of questions; on this world, on the business, maybe even on magic. But I just go with the flow and have a goodugh.
Cami dug out my soul from the rubbles, the ruins born when Lucinda behaved like an ass. And to be honest, Im not even attracted to her; and I dont think shes attracted to me. We are just having fun; two people, Elf and Human, little sister and dimensional traveler.
Thats all I need at this moment.
A friend.
My first real friend here.
You are really out of your mind, Cami, I tell her with a smile while she gets her coat and gets ready to go back to her ce. The booger thing is still on my mind.
Just the craziest, she says with a wink before leaving my apartment.
Chapter 41: Hot
Chapter 41: Hot
So, this 27/9 bull has finally caught up with me.
Why, you ask? Well, Im in front of Happy Bakery but its closed and theres barely any foot traffic around it.
What the hell?
Is it the equivalent of Sunday?
I knock a couple of times on the front door, but no onees to answer.
I turn around and I notice that my usual escort is not around, either. I was too sleepy to notice when I got out of my apartment.
I need to ask someone, so I stop the first person I see on foot.
Excuse me! Excuse me! Thank you for stopping! Would you mind telling me why everything is closed today?
A in-looking Elf raises his eyebrows, mutters something racists about humans and only then gives me an answer.
Its the Day of Ancestors, Human. Its our sacred holiday and all businesses are asked to stop so that people can spend this day with their families. Even most of the Watch is off-duty.
Ha, thats interesting.
I raise a finger because I want to ask more questions, but the Elf is already walking away. These Elves dont like Humans that much, huh?
Its different when Im in thepany of another Elf, but when Im alone I can sort of feel all eyes on me.
I mean, this could be an incredibly efficient way to teach people about racism. Just let them be subject to it. Obviously, when I say racism, I mean real racism, the one that puts innocent people in jail or graveyards; not the one that had the poor guy who taught his dog the Nazi salute on YouTube go to jail or something.
Did that guy actually go to jail?
Oh, man, I wish I could search that on the Inte right now.
But Im digressing.
I start walking back to my apartment while I ponder about this racism Im experiencing. Im not even sure its racism as much as speciesism or the like.
It is ufortable, honestly. But Im mature enough not to care that much about it. If I had been a kid, maybe it would have been different. As long as people dont mug me on the streets, they can go on and do whatever they want. And if youve ever lived in a big city, most of the time it looks like everyone, without exception, is an asshole, which might make the original racistsTM a bit harder to spot.
Not that racism doesnt exist, obviously. Its just that when people shoot each other at pretty much any time of the day and night, it bes harder to draw the line between wanton violence and racist idiots.
Am I racist if I hate the French?
I dont think so, right?
I remember one far removed cousin from Italy whom I visited a couple of times saying something like We Europeans all hate each other, but its not racist. To be honest, Im quite proud of the genocides perpetrated by Caesar in France. I would never apologize for that. And Im pretty sure that they would never apologize for Napoleon either. Only the Germans apologize, but they had Hitler, so Thats that. Its very American to apologize for something. If I could, I would reinstate the Roman Empire tomorrow and put all the French men to work, digging trenches and building new Coliseums, and the French women
I shall not repeat some of the content since my cousin confessed his sentiments in private and I dont want people to hate me because of his words. Lets just say that if you dont like me, you would most definitely not like my cousin.
Very interesting perspective on hating each other, anyway.
Xenophobia, maybe, more than racism.
It seems to me that my Italian family basically considers the rest of European countries sort of like part of the family after all these centuries they have spent hating and killing each other. I mean, both world wars started on the Old Continent, didnt they? And my theory is that these people feelpletely fine hating the guts out of each other based on this weird family-bond they share.
If you think about it, you do feel entitled to hate part of your family without feeling guilty about it. Its not racist if they are family, am I right? And it makes it right to hate someone on such a premise. Think about blood-feuds. Its always family drama and tragedies that make for the goriest shows.
Even though Im not even remotely absorbed in the weird Italian culture my cousin loves so much, I do share the sentiment about the Caesar stuff. I shall im my cultural and blood heritage to avoid being called a racist against French people.
Its just a family feud.
However, Elves are not really family, are they?
Their problem, not mine.
Back to my apartment, I knock at myndys door.
She doesnt look like someone with family, does she?
Hello! You must be Joey!
And right when I finish that thought, a beautiful, young, HOT Elf opens the door. For a second, it seems that Agostina, myndy, lost all her old age and gained a smoking-hot, piping, steaming, salivating body.
I need a second here.
Am I having a stroke?
No, for real. Did I have a stroke? Or am I under some terrible spellI could argue the terrible, but am I under a spell that makes every woman look hot? Is this real?
Is Karma messing with me?
God, if you are there, are you messing with me?
How can it be possible that I meet so many hot women?
Not even NYC had this insane concentration of hotness.
What the hell. This is low-keyno, scratch that, this is high-key freaking me out.
And you know why?
Because nice things dont just happen to me without consequences! If Im meeting all these babes, Im pretty sure soon someone will try to whack me on the head with a spiked mace or something.
Agostina, whos now shoving the lovely girl to the side, looks at me with a reproachful look. She had noticed I was leering at whatever family member of hers had opened the door.
Yes, Luciani?
I look at the hot family member behind Agostina and decide that if I have to die, I better die among some hot girls.
So, you know how it goes
I stare at the hot Elf, smile, wink, nod, and say:
How you doin?
Chapter 42: Day of Ancestors
Chapter 42: Day of Ancestors
Why is it called the Day of Ancestors? Shouldnt it be Ancestors Day or something? You dont say Day of Thanksgiving, but Thanksgiving Day. Im confused. And even then, why not Day of the Ancestors or is it because its not about any particr ancestors? Is it about all ancestors? And which ancestors are we talking about, anyway?
They are, at least in my opinion, good questions.
Few of my spectators seem to agree.
Can I throw him out? Agostina asks her sister.
Oh,e on, Agostina. The poor boy didnt know that it was our holiday. And we are meant to celebrate by sharing food with the people we love and with those who dont have anyone to share it with.
Thats Agostinas sister, herplete opposite on the inside. On the outside, though, they pretty much look the same. And Agostinas niece was so hot that
Aunt, Joey seems sweet. Let him be. He just came to Amorium and hes already the most wanted baker in the city, isnt he?
Agostina grumbles something while serving some food.
I look with interest at some kind of jelly made of fruits?
Theres also an awful lot of fermented stuff, fruits of all kinds. Stuff Ive never seen before. I should probably start learning about it.
But todays a holiday, so
Tell me, boy, how can you be such a marvelous baker and have no levels in the [Baker] ss?
Thats Agostinas sister, Julia.
Oh, I just happen to know a few recipes that are notmon knowledge. Thats all. Happy Bakery and Three Roses are both interested in those more than me.
Im not even being modest; I just think thats the truth.
But Im more interested in knowing about this holiday, if you dont mind me asking.
Domiti, the hot niece, starts exining.
Elves are said to be descendants of immortal warriors who had the highest magical aptitudepared to any other race. They say they had fought a terrible battle against the Eaters.
Eaters?
Whats an Eater? I look around and find serious eyes all around me.
They have many names. But they aremonly referred to as Eaters. They are an extinct race that used to dominate the world.
I fully expect someone to suddenly burst outughing while I startughing myself.
World-domination? Come on, this must be a joke, right?
They could eat levels and sses too, if our tales are to be believed.
I feel every orifice in my body clench and the smile is washed off my face.
What did they look like
Joey, Agostina interrupted the conversation, talking about these creatures during the Day of Ancestors is disrespectful. Domiti, the same goes for you. This is a celebration of our heritage, not a memorial of those disgusting monsters.
I shrug and, after a moment of awkward silence, I try to get the conversation going again.
So, Julia, what do you do for a living? I ask with a bright smile.
The woman is a little younger than Agostina and she looks much more cheerful too. One must have been raised among wolves and the other among doves or something.
I work in the Adventurers Guild. Im the [Treasurer] of this branch, to be precise. Truth be told, though, Im basically a glorified [ountant] for those knuckleheads.
Adventurers.
My knowledge of adventuring is how can I put it its barely there. Would you mind exining to me what an adventurer does?
Everyone stares at me like Im the biggest dumb-dumb in the entire world. Well, this knowledge is probably verymon. I dont me them.
Julia looks at Agostina, searching for an answer.
I dont know. He probably lived in a cult or something. He came here without levels, with a spellbook, and lots of recipes. He actually may not know what an adventurer does.
Well, Joey, Julia smiles at me sympathetically, probably thinking Im a poor bastard who just got out of a really badlife experience. And if you consider my family and my dating history, shes not too far from the truth. An adventurer goes on quests. We have a board at the guild where people put requests. The easiest stuff is delivering parcels across the city or maybe just getting rid of a few small rats or roaches. Thats for the newbies who still dont have a rank. As soon as you are evaluated as fit enough to fight actual threats, you get bumped up to a Bronze. Bronzies kill minor monsters, deliver stuff between cities, and so on. Sometimes, if they are in a group, they can delve into Dungeons.
Holy molly, Elves and Dungeons. This goddamn world
When they show they can handle themselves, they are bumped up to Silver. Silvies are tougher, much tougher than Bronzies. They can properly delve in groupright, most adventurers form groups in order toplement each others sses and skills. After Silver, theres Gold. Few people ever make it to Gold; thats mostly because people die at Silver. See, Bronze rank is where most threats can hurt you, but hardly kill you. At Silver, theres a veryrge range of threats. Some of the upper crust require multiple teams and will most likely kill troves of adventurers.
My face is twisted in a pained expression.
Why would anyone risk their life like that? Whats the point?
If you are learning some real magic and Agostina is helping you, you might consider getting a newbie badge and bing a regr adventurer. What do you say?
Im sure Julia has the best intentions while offering me such a thing. However, I think she just forgot Im a baker, and a good one at that. Plus, I would never put my life at risk for some fame or whatever.
Girls go nuts for adventurers, the super-hot Domiti says casually.
Shoot.
Do I have to be an adventurer now?
Chapter 43: Joke
Chapter 43: Joke
Even though getting moregirls is an interesting prospect, I prefer ying the long game. In the end, the more you live, the more you get. If you spend all your capital without investing it, it may seem that you are getting more than others in the short term, but one day those who made wiser investments will look down at you from their golden towers.
Thats how I picture myself. On top of a golden tower, surrounded with fully nudewell, lets not explore the details.
I chomp down on some bread with jam and dried fruit on top of it. I dont know what these specific dried-up fruits are, but one thing is for sure, they are delicious. They also have a soup with a thick spicy undertone. I dont mind spices, but Im not a spice-nut.
Have you ever seen those people who brag about being able to eat super-spicy food. Oh, I grow up my own *insert very spicy variety no one knows or is interested in*. Whats these peoples problem?
Listen, Im a baker and I cook for a living. I even doubled in some restaurants when someone asked me for a favor. I have formal training in lots of preparations. But to be honest, I have never really identified my whole persona with my work. Am I not passionate enough about it? I dont know, maybe.
I just dont understand bragging.
Am I bing an old goat whoins about everything and everyone?
But I like it.
Lets keep it going.
What about people who read?
I read, sure. I read a lot. But do I feel the constant need to remind everyone around me? No, hell no. I think we should be allowed to pepper-spray people who brag about reading. Its retribution, you know. You like bragging about reading? Well, then you get the pepper.
You like bragging about eating spicy food? Again, you get the pepper.
Well, I read over 300 books this year.
I dont care.
I truly, really, massively, superciliously, dont care.
If you read more than a hundred books a year and you are not wise enough to avoid bragging like a child, you are either reading the wrong books or you arehow can I put it in gentle terms, very resistant to smartness. Yeah, sounds about right.
But among all the people on Earth, the worst spawn of all is the fandom of that wretched British book full of goddamn Elves.
Read. Another. Book.
I dont care. I dont care about the history in it. I dont care about the philological effort. I dont care about the films, the lore, the whatever you want to call it.
It spawned decades of fac-simile riddled with the stupid goddamn Elves. Sometimes I find myself wishing that witch-hunts had still been a thing during 20th century Britain.
Fans of that disgusting British guy are the most annoying things ever. They are capable of talking about those books for hours and hours without taking a break. Some of the upper echelons in that hellish hierarchy even learned a fictionalnguage; and they are proud to showcase it.
If I ever learn a fictionalnguage French, lets say someone please whack me to death. Literally, take some blunt object manufactured in the US and just enjoy the same unbridled violence that our great country was built upon.
Hes been staring at the wall and smiling for almost five minutes now, I hear Domiti whisper to her aunt.
Hes touched in the head, Domiti. Dont mingle with the crazies.
Agostina is praising my qualities as usual.
I went on a silent rant against a few things without even noticing. And I have to say, this one was quite angry by my standards. Im usually not this belligerent. But you know, the most evil enemies drag you down into the abyss along with them.
So, Joey, were you thinking about bing an adventurer? Julia asks me with a sweet smile.
What? I snort so strong I think I hurt my nose. Id rather chomp on a few ss jars and lick a cactus. I mean no offense, obviously. Its just that Id never risk my life just because.
Julia raises an eyebrow at my words, surprised.
Well, I partially agree with you. Instead, Domiti here always wanted to be an adventurer. You should probably spend more time with her to show that people can conduct other lives as well and that adventuring is not the only option in the world.
Well, if Julia wants me to spend time with her smoking-hot daughter, why not? Who am I to deny such a lovelydy all my wisdom?
Adventurers are brave heroes, mom. They protect from monsters and threats of all kinds. And you, Joey, you should treat them with more respect.
She looks irritated by my previous remarks.
Oh, Im not saying they dont deserve respect. Im just saying I dont want to partake in that; I dont want to take away the respect from them. They can have it all.
Domiti looks at me with a frown, unsure about my irony maybe.
To be honest, I dont have anything against adventurers. It was mostly a joke.
Sorry, sorry. I went too far, I think. It was just a joke. Im a bit upset today that I didnt get to go ahead with the negotiations. I had an idea this morning and I thought it would solve my problems with Happy Bakery and the Three Roses. Thats all, Im sorry. If you want me gone, I can just go back to my apartment; I have to practice some magic stuff anyway.
As if all I said before magic did not exist, Domiti asks me with wide eyes: You know magic?!
He does, and he also put a hole in the wall with the stupid magic of his, Agostina grumbled. What spell did you use anyway to do that?
Myndy looks a bit more interested in the discussion now that shes shifted it toward magic.
Oh, it was just a rogue [Light] spell, no biggie.
Their joint reaction almost makes me jump out of my skin.
Out of nowhere, they start out loud. They are almost crying after a few seconds. What? Have I gone crazy? Am I having a seizure and my brain is slowly dying but also showing me a delightfulst scene before my untimely death? And why, if Im dying, my brain shows Domiti still clothed?
I am not dying, right?
What? I ask, truly confused.
Oh, Joey, I didnt know you picked up some [Mage] humor. Sure, you did it with a [Light] spell.
Even Agostina wasughing.
ImImIm
What?
The boy could kill a dragon with [Light] spell, for sure, Agostina snorts while starting to get back herposure. Its so funny hearing a Human crack some elven joke.
A joke?
I mean, if its a joke, do I still have to pay for a new wall?
I dont ask that question out loud because I am very clear of Agostinas tolerance for jokes. I mean, I thought I was, at least. But now, they are all recovering from a massiveugh.
So, let me get this straight:
[Light] is not supposed to do what I did with it, is it? And its so absurd again, what I did that there amon joke about it. The joke goes like well, hes so strong he could kill someone with a [Light] spell or something. Or at least thats what I gather from the context.
Shoot, did I just almost give away that Im practicing some super-weird magic?
Chapter 44: 23 Cantrips
Chapter 44: 23 Cantrips
Agostina, Domiti, and Julia start asking questions about my magical training.
Yeah, no Im still practicing some exercises before I dive deeper into spells.
Domiti seems to know some magic, apparently. Shes being tutored by her aunt.
Oh, you are going through the 23 Cantrips?
My brain kind of stops there.
No, really.
It kind of does.
Come again? I ask with a frown.
You are practicing the 23 Cantrips, right? Domiti asks again.
23?
Ill censor myself for a second while I silently take it out with the book.
Just know that if you could read in my head and see my thoughts, you would probably be quite shocked by the number of profanities a person cane up with in a few instants.
Im still practicing the first one, I venture. I realized before that I have to be careful when I lie since there are so many truth-stones lying around this ce.
Oh, the rotating [Lights]! Yeah, it took me a few hours to get through that one.
Now.
What the f
Oh, I think it will take me a few days to get through it, I scratch my head, embarrassed. Ok, maybe Im not that talented, am I?
Its also nice to know that apparently the Cantrips are still being used. I thought my tome might be a little outdated.
You know that the 23 Cantrips have been around for millennia? They get passed down as the initial assessment for talent. The fastest students canplete them in three weeks. Those are very talented people. Im still around the fifteenth and its been a month.
Dont I have 333 days for 529 Cantrips?
And she said she took hours for the first? Does that mean that the difficulty will scale dramatically?
I think it shows that Im a bit down now and Domiti suddenly looks like shes feeling bad for me.
Oh, Joey, dont worry. It doesnt matter if you take a bit longer.
I mean, girl, it kind of matters. If I take too long, Ill get literally zapped to death. How about that?
You want to be a [Baker], right? You wont need much magic for that! And look, I can show you how my first Cantrip looks like, it might help you gain a better understanding! Domiti shes a bright smile at me while wildly gesturing with her hands.
Domiti, you know that you shouldnt show random people your magic, Agostina looks coldly at her niece.
Oh,e on, its the first Cantrip. What is Joey going to do, conjure a [Meteor] out of looking at my two [Lights]?
Domiti goes straight for the magic and conjures two small pale
Wow, those [Lights] really suck.
They are barely luminous. They wouldnt be able to light up pretty much anything, even in pitch-dark.
Domiti focuses her gaze on the two and squints her eyes.
Now, the two [Lights] start slowly moving around with jerky movements and they barely do one full circle before they break down.
Ta-dan!
Have you ever wished you had some kind of mechanical clock in the house that ticked really loudly? Why? Well, in my opinion, it fills the silence with a beautiful what the hell did I just see? thing when you suddenly go mute.
Well, thats something! I say aloud, smiling charmingly toward Domiti.
Show me what you can do now! I can help you! Domiti volunteers.
Show her what I can do? Yeah, sure, let me just show you how a random Human can summon two [Lights] brighter than a shlight and then move them smoothly in one direction. Sure, why not? Its not like your aunt wouldnt start peeling my skin oneyer at a time to discover where the hell I learned to do that.
Im a bit shy, I smile and get an idea. Maybe you cer to my apartment and with some privacy, I could show you something.
Hell, I even add a wink.
This should save me.
First, I fully expect to be thrown out by either Agostina or Julia after this bout of sexual innuendo. Second, this smoking-hot girl would nevere alone after I said something like
Sure! she smiles brightly.
Goddamn, Im too charming, arent I?
This girl did one circle with two crooked [Lights]. Im not even sure she used the same approach I have to move magic! I think she was just tossing the [Lights] around with her natural instinct. You cant do that, can you? I mean, it doesnt count, does it?
Joey, if youy one finger on my niece, Agostina starts saying before her sister shushes her up.
They are adults, Agostina. Dont be a prude! And he doesnt look half-bad for a human! Hell, had I been younger, I would have tapped that! Julia waves her off like nothing.
I am not entirely clear on whats happening, to be honest. I know that the food I was chewing entered the wrong hole and is now trying to choke me.
When I recover from Juliasment, Im still trying to understand how Domiti can think that shepleted the first Cantrip. You have to rotate the [Lights] for a minute without interruptions in their movements. She barely did one spin!
Am I actually talented? Or is it the book?
A warm feeling starts spreading throughout my chest.
Am I talented?
Chapter 45: Anchoring
Chapter 45: Anchoring
I excused myself before anyone could notice how rattled I was.
Now, Im in my apartment looking at the spellbook.
Is it me, pal, or is it you?
The warm feeling in my chest is still there.
Its weird. Its not something that I would describe as my usual demeanor. And I mean, demeanor, what does that even mean? But lets not digress.
Im feeling giddy.
Bubbly. Dizzy. Gaga.
Im feeling a lot of things right now.
Its the same feeling you get when you are a kid and you suddenly solve a weird mathematical problem, and you think Im a goddamn genius!. The problem is that you usually find out right after that you simply applied the most basic principle that someone had already pinned down before Christ himself was born.
But Im still feeling it.
Im not stupid.
Somethings telling me You might be onto something.
Am I really good at magic?
Its a simple question, isnt it?
But what if the answer were yes, you are incredibly good at magic, what then? Do I go off to the Nine Towers Academy and do whatever they do there?
What happens if you have an incredible talent for something, but you have no interest in pursuing the mostmon career in such a field?
See, I dont mind learning magic and baking goods with it. Actually, I would love to make that a thing. But what if my talent is so great that everywhere I turn, people will say your talent is wasted on baking, son, go save countries and rescue princesses.
I dont know what to do.
I really dont.
People imagine that as soon as you have this great gift for something, you just have to use it. As soon as you get an opportunity, no matter the cost, just dive into it.
Honestly?
Im not that kind of person.
People offered me many chances in life. Hell, some even offered me incredible business opportunities when I was baking. But I dont want that.
I want to enjoy my life.
I want to be a simple man, baking his goods, getting home to his beautiful wife and kissing her. I want to kiss my wife when Ie back home and to only think about that. Instead, if you want to open a mighty business, or maybe be an [Archmage], kissing your wife is not the main thing on your mind, is it?
People call it making it, I call it hurting yourself. The more pieces of you are surrendered to the world, the more you can seed. The more you sacrifice, the more you get. Maybe, if I went and did more than a couple baking courses and then apprenticed under some great patisserie chef, I would have be more famous than Martha Stewart. And maybe higher than Snoop Dogg, who knows.
But I dont want that.
I do want to do amazing magic, but do I have to be an [Archmage] and do silly stuff if I want that? Will peoplee to challenge me, try to steal my knowledge or even try to kill me if I embark on this path?
This is heavy stuff.
However, having lived most of my life in a globalized world, Im afraid that some equivalent of the Chinese kids capable of ying the piano like Mozart at six years old would probably make me look like a fool.
Am I special? Or do I just want to believe I am? And even if I am, what then?
I shake my limbs and shoulders and exhale vigorously, rolling my body left and right toe back to my senses.
Why worry about problems when you can do amazing magic?
If problemse knocking, Ill pellet them with my not-supposed-to-put-holes-in-walls [Lights].
Fuck anxiety.
Lets roll, baby!
I rub my hands and activate [Advanced Mana Sense].
Before slipping into [Deep Focus] or using my [Light Maniption], I simply ponder the problem.
Im clearly doing something very different from what dear Domiti was doing before. Her [Lights] were extremely weak and they looked as if she had conjured them by mistake. Even if I did not pay attention to the spell matrix, I would be able to conjure much better [Lights] than that! God, if she came to my apartment, Im not even sure I could conjure some terrible [Lights] in order to not give away my secret!
And Im pretty sure she did not add movement to that spell through the spell matrix itself. She was just dragging the Mana around. But why would she do that? What happens when you have to conjure a proper [Fireball]? How would you move that? You cant just drag it like azy dog who just wants to sunbathe his ass on a random curb by your house, right?
And this brings us to the problem at hand.
How do I make the [Lights] spin with just the spell matrix?
The book said that you cant imprint movement on the matrix itself. I mean, not on the structure. You can obviously use the prity.
However
One vector only moves in one direction. If I wanted a true physics-approved circr motion, I would needtoo many vectors of power.
This is an interesting conundrum. Wait. No, not interestingdeadly conundrum. Thats because I either solve the problem or get executed in 333 days.
Well, how can we avoid that?
So, maybe I could anchor the center and have a moving vector?
I doubt you could do any of those two things with just a spell matrix.
UNLESS.
I look at the matrix and I imagine a cube in front of me to make it easier to borate some theories.
What if I anchor one of the starting points by focusing some Mana on one corner of the imaginary cube? Can I do that?
Book, can I anchor one part of the spell matrix in ce?
The book flies from the top of my reddish nket and hovers in front of my face. The writing appears slowly, almost unsure.
Yes. You have to charge one part of the matrix with enough energy to offset the nearest Mana path generated in the opposite direction.
Ok, I guess that a Mana path is the trip my Mana takes on the squiggly lines of the matrix. And the offsetting thing should refer to making a stationary Mana charge that doesnt get disced by the nearest vector.
So, I basically nail down the corner strongly enough so that the closest starting points do not affect it. If there is more than one, I probably need to add that into the equation, right? I mean, its probably better to incorporate that from the start and simply begin with a corner, create two vectors on the two sides and sum their energy.
Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy.
Chapter 46: Polarity
Chapter 46: Prity
Ok, what Im trying to do is not exactly easy-peasy.
But we have assessed that anchoring a spell matrix is doable, and thats big.
If one point of the matrix is fixed, I could probably make it rotate on itself. Make it spin. But thats not what I want, is it?
Book, can I use the anchor to determine a fixed length in real space from the fixed point to where I want my spell? I mean, can I have the spell not move past a certain length from the anchor?
Once again, the book does not give me an immediate answer, but it takes almost ten seconds before the ink starts materializing on the page.
Yes. You need to create ovepping Mana paths that are supplied with enough energy to contrast the first spell matrix prity.
Ok, wow, thats weird.
So, I can draw multiple times over the squiggly lines? Wow.
My brain is getting a bit dizzy at the image, and I activate the [Deep Focus].
Breathing slowly, I look again at the spell matrix in the energy-world generated by my other skill.
I start by anchoring the matrix with quite a bit of Mana and then I draw thin lines starting from opposite starting points. The anti-matrix thats how I call the opposite version of it is only half-chargedpared to the main one.
Ill spare you the description of the first attempts that didnt generate any [Light] and simply made my Mana disappear into the void.
After half an hour, a small [Light] appears, slowly travels to a few inches from where I imagined the anchor, and stops.
Im a bit sweaty by now and my brain is hurting. It took much more concentration than I had imagined. It was hard to coordinate the Mana in the anchor, in the matrix, and in the anti-matrix, to create the desired effect.
Man, you would imagine that executing the first goddamn Cantrip would be easier.
But now, I just need a second ovepping matrix to kick in the movement.
I start casting once again.
This time, I use the same principles I used for the anti-matrix, and I trace the squiggly lines perpendicrly to it. I try to moderate the amount of Mana Im putting there to avoid creating a super-fast seizure-inducing spinning [Light].
So, to recapitte:
I have an anchor to avoid having a [Light] whose orbit expands infinitely and to avoid having an infinite number of vectors to generate a true and proper physics-based circr motion. Instead, being the smooth-brain that I am, I basically anchored a ping-pong ball to a pole with a string and now Im about to hit it.
In front of my eyes, a ball of [Light] starts going off. Its slow and moderate, unlike the deathly projectile I created the first time I tried moving a spell through its matrix. From the center, it slowly reaches the outer limit of the spell, already creating an expanding orbit.
As soon as it hits the limit I set, it starts circling around, making a beautiful, perfectly circr orbit. It will only go as far as the perpendicr anti-matrix I created will allow it. As soon as its strength ends, it will stop orbiting.
However, having no idea how friction works in the magical world, I stare at it going for at least ten minutes before it silently poofs out of existence.
Well, that was something.
I deactivate both skills and let myself slowly fall on the bed, exhausted. Its not even two in the afternoon, but Im already wiped. Im not tapped out in terms of Mana, but my brain has been drained. Now, sitting on an empty tank, I enjoy the weird softness of my bed. I say weird because I have still not figured out what this mattress is made of. Its also quite a bit longer than a normal mattress. Probably because those stinky Elves are as tall asmpposts.
Whats the next order of business?
I cant go on with my magic training for now because I need rest. But Im also awake enough to
I wake up after a nice nap thatsted an hour.
Well, that was nice.
After some stretching, I stand up and look at the still hovering spellbook.
Is it broken or something? What if someone enters and finds it like that?
Yo, book, isnt it time for you to sleep too? Too much magic can do things to
And I get zapped.
How does this even work? Isnt the curse supposed to work only when I dont do things? Cant I give some attitude to this conceited pile of papers?
I get zapped again while staring maliciously at the book.
A great [Mage] has a magnanimous heart.
The inked sentence makes me wish I had some magical matches to pair it with. But it is what it is, isnt it?
You know what? Id like to practice hitting some things with that [Light] thing that I did before.
Huh, whats that?
[Mage Level 4!]
I see the notification in my head.
Huh.
Well, lets go hit some things.
Shoot, I should also prepare a n for the bakeries. I still have to tell both Cami and Clodia about my intentions, dont I?
Oh, man, they are not going to like it.
Chapter 47: Her Food
Chapter 47: Her Food
Im trying to figure out whether I should put on warmer clothes when someone knocks at my door. Its probably Lucillus, I figure. Why? I dont know. My brain does this. Somehow, it already knows its Lucillus
Huh, Lucinda?
I open the door and shes holding a few casseroles, barely managing to bnce them. I immediately take two of the three from her hands and look at her with a bewildered expression.
Yo, I say, uncertain.
My thoughts are a bit scrambled when looking at her. Plus, Im feeling super weird right now. I killed off my feelings for her, or at least most of them. Or did I? I like to think I did, butseeing her is weird. She doesnt know about my change of heart, and she probably just wants to get closer to me to get the multi-casting thing.
Talking about magic, I shoot a look behind my back, and I find the spellbook resting inconspicuously on the bed. Good boy.
I wasnt sure if anyone had told you about Day of Ancestors, so I decided to bring a few things and eat together.
Come on, Lucinda, you cant say that. Dont act all human and lovely! Why would you do this to me? Are you telling me you just came all the way over here to bring me the food you cooked?
How am I not supposed to fall in love?
Wait, Joey! Get a grip, man!
She probably just wants the multi-casting thingy!
Right?
e in,e in, I stutter and then I invite her in.
Its quitete for lunch, to be honest. I mean, by my standards, at least. The whole 27/9 business is still ying tricks on me.
She looks around with curious eyes, their green, illuminated by sunraysing through my windows, is doing things to me. Its like looking inside a magical emerald capable of snatching your soul away with nothing but a touch.
We set the casseroles on the table when I notice shes getting a bit embarrassed.
Man, my stupid brain isgging, isnt it? Lets act like decent human beings, Joey! She even brought you food,e on!
You know, she anticipates me, I thought it would be a good idea toe here so we can talk about, she makes a pause, hesitating and fishing for the right words. to talk shop too! You still have to tell me which bakery you want to go with. Clodia is still amending her proposal, but apparently, the Three Roses have raised their offer again. Cami seems quite fond of you.
Thest sentence is pointed out with a sniff.
Oh my God, thats so cute.
Shoot.
Come on, Joey, dont be fooled by some little antics of hers. Even Hitler could be a nice guest if you invited him to dinner!
I mean, actually, let me take that back. The guy was a vegan or something. No one wants those people at dinner.
Well, anyway. The point is that a little gesture like this doesnt mean shes good! Remember how nasty she was when we talked about Stan!
I have to psych myself up in order to avoid falling in love again.
Id give a hand to have some nice hard music to pump me up. Its not like I want something with a slow and mellow tempo to dance to with her until my feet bleed and we are thoroughly forever in love
While we set the table and have some small talk, I feel like an athlete warming up on court before the match. I wish I had some cutscenes where II dont know what I would do in them but Im sure it would look cool as hell.
You are awfully quiet today, is everything alright? Lucinda is looking at me with a frown.
You are too beautiful, you left me speechless for a bit, I give her my signature wink and then I immediately regret it. Shoot, I want to punch myself in the stomach now. Come on, Joey, dont you have some self-respect and dignity, for Gods sake?
Wow, this looks almost as delicious as you do, my smile is so wide I want to plunge a knife into my own stomach.
Come on!
Why did you have to say that?!
Sheughs with her crystalline voice and Im here wishing my eardrums would pop to avoid listening to that sound.
Its just so dreamy.
This is like being fat and having to choose between gym and a chocte cake. Which one do you think is the easiest choice, huh?
And let me tell you something, kid, chocte cake is a rtively new invention in the history of mankind. Do you know what, instead, has been around for millions of years?
I nce at Lucindas casual dress while she takes a pitcher of water and fills it up with a small bag she had in a pocket. Some of the water spills on the ground and I get to stare at her caboose when she bends to wipe it off.
Oh, man.
What can I say, I like big cabooses and I cannot lie.
Something funny? Lucinda turns toward me.
Oh, some song lyrics came to me. Itsnever mind, I wave my hand while looking at all the food she brought.
Come on, tell me! Its been a while since I havest heard a [Bard], honestly. I could do with some entertainment.
Nah, forget about it, I tell her, slightly embarrassed.
These are stuffed veggies, arent they? I look at some weirdly shaped vegetables that look simr to eggnts. They have been carved up and filled with meat and some cheese.
Huh, can she cook? Please, God, dont tell me shes good at cooking! Girls like her are usually really bad at cooking. She cant be the exception, can she?
I made all of this myself, thats why Im a bitte for a normal lunch. But I hope youll enjoy it, she said with a sincere smile.
Damn sexy-cooking-Elves.
Chapter 48: Anything
Chapter 48: Anything
On top of the stuffed veggies, which are apparently called lide, there are some fried artichokes and tbread with freshly picked olives, and cheese.
They are notplex dishes, but they are tasty, filling and, above all, this stupidly-beautiful woman made them for me.
So, whats the n with the two businesses? shes biting on one of the artichokes and I find my treacherous heart wishing that I could switch ces with the artichoke.
I think Im going to propose something very different. I like both Clodia and Cami and I would like to keep them as friends. However, they are clearly at war with each other. I have enough recipes for both, honestly. And I want my own bakery. I dont think I fit either ce that well. I like working with minia and I could see myself working well with Cami, but I roll a different way. Im moreid back, rxed.
So, you want your own thing? Lucinda raises an eyebrow and shes a mischievous smile at me. They are not going to like that, you know?
I was thinking of giving both of them recipes fitting their respective bakeries and asking for enough money to start my own little bakery.
Lucinda chews on the artichokes with deep intent, while her soapy fragrancees to my nostrils. She smells like vani and lime, something you wouldnt expect in a medieval world.
They are not going to like that either, Joey. Why would they fund apetitor? she asks with a frown.
Because I could take an investment from a third part, not give them anything and run them both into the ground, I say while basically inhaling a stuffed lipwhatever they are called.
Lucinda chokes on the artichoke.
Bad pun, I know.
I slice a piece of the tbread and Im surprised by how savory it is. I expected it to be quite in, to be honest. Instead, it looks like Lucinda mixed some spices, some oil, and something else in it. Its simr to garlic bread in a way, but also very different.
Thats a ruthless and reasonable strategy, she says.
Lucinda is clearly surprised I came up with something like this.
I mean, would I really run both bakeries into the ground? Hell no.
Im toozy for these power games.
But will they poop their pants a little once I get this fierce woman to threaten them with it? Oh, yes.
You know, Im not a kid, Iugh, I dont like being mean, but I think that my offer is more than reasonable. I will exin to them how much of an edge they will get. In return, Ill open a small ce of my own that I can manage however I want and make a living out of it. I was even thinking of hiring Stan if hes up for some work.
Thest part slips out of my lips involuntarily.
An awkward silence falls between us.
Shes definitely noticed me behaving weirdly after she basically behaved like a cold witch.
Camis words ring in my head.
So, you wanted to seduce a heartless nutjob whose biggest fetish is learning new spells and crushing others with her wit and power, right?
Then, said nutjob behaves like the nutjob she is, and you are surprised?
I shouldnt have been surprised.
I really shouldnt have.
But I cant help thinking that everyone is secretly a wonderful person, that they just have the best part of them buried under the callousness that life has built around us. I want to believe that theres something in our soul a part greater than our weak flesh that points in the direction of good and bad.
I know that Lucinda is a heartless nutjob, but, if I have to be honest, Im still in love. She has this special spark, the way that she looks at me earthquakes seize my heart. Its like knowing theres something buried deep down in the earth, something extremely precious, but also extremely hard to reach. Wouldnt it steal the sleep from your nights?
Im sorry about what I said, Joey. I didnt really mean it. Its just I cant understand these people. I wish I could do something. I even tried. I dont like to see poor people out on the street wasting their life. And it makes me bitter that theres nothing I can do. I was really bitchy when we talked about Stan and the homeless people.
So, the figurative dam in my heart that was holding back my personal love tide for Lucinda finally bursts. It had started cracking as soon as she came back, but now itspletely open.
Im not sure if this is just a political game to get on my good side.
But I dont care.
This proud woman just apologized for her behavior. She recognized her mistake and
I really like you, Lucinda, I blurt out.
Smooth, Joey. Very smooth.
You are an interesting Human yourself, Joey.
For a second, our eyes cross with the intensity of a glowing red furnace. A momentter, though, we look away, blushing.
Man, this dreamy-soapy-bubbly-stupid-elven romance
This is going to end up in a disaster, isnt it?
What cane out of our rtionship? Isnt she leaving for the Nine Towers Academy at some point? Should I even ask? I think that if I asked, she would probably get the wrong idea about my intentions; and by the wrong idea I mean exactly the right idea.
Meaning, I want to marry her, have children, and a nice, cozy house.
We can dabble in some magic, sure. I have an ultimate relic here, she doesnt even need to go to any stupid academy to learn the best magic in the world, does she?
But something tells me its not that easy.
I cant tell her about the book.
Im star-struck, but Im not that stupid. I know that the book could cost me my life. People would kill me a thousand times over to put their hands on it. And even if Magister Mulligan warded it against theft and so on, Im pretty sure that someone would be able to tear it away from my stiff, dead and cold hands.
I need more info on Lucinda before Ipletely open up to her. Ill have another talk with Augustus tomorrow. I have no idea how to get to him, but Lucillus might know something about him. The [Mage] guy seems a rather conspicuous presence in Amorium, and hes apprenticed to some big-shot guy, isnt he? Therefore, it should be rtively easy to track him down.
Oh, Lucinda, somethinges to my mind. Im struggling a bit with the first Cantrip, Im not getting something. Would you mind showing me how you do it? I know its a bit unusual to ask someone to do it, but it would go a long way in helping me
Ill do it, she cuts me off abruptly. Ill show you anything you want.
My face naturally assumes a foxy grin.
Well, thats good to know, I say with a sneaky smile.
Chapter 49: Take the Hint
Chapter 49: Take the Hint
Looking at Lucindas twin [Lights] revolving around each other, I finally understand why everyone calls her a prodigy.
They are much more definedpared to the ones Domiti showed me. Their movements are just a bigggy, but mostly smooth. Plus, they can run ten revolutions before stopping and disappearing.
When they poof out of existence, Im left wondering why the magical education of this worldgged so much behindpared to my book. I dont want to insult Lucinda, but I could do better than that in a jiff. Im pretty sure that I canplete the first Cantrip in less than thirty minutes. I just need to get the coordination between the separate spell matrixes down. Once Im done with that, its just about re-applying the same principles I learned before.
Questions? she asks with a serious face.
She really doesnt joke around magic.
Would you mind if I asked you a couple theoretical questions? Feel free to reply with stuff thats public knowledge only. If you have your own insights, you dont have to share, ok?
Im too curious at this point.
Shes clearly not manipting the matrix to create movement in her spell. I activated [Advanced Mana Sense] this time while she was casting, and it looked like she simply summoned a pre-arranged matrix andpleted it without thinking.
The interesting thing is how little energy she used. Im not sure if its on purpose or what. But the first time I messed around with a spells prity, I ended up putting a hole in my wall. Now, I understand why you have to be careful about the speed and how much Mana you use.
But she she looks like shes doing things without really thinking about it.
Sure, ask away, she sits on my little couch while I get a chair and settle in front of her.
We are still a bit awkward with each other, but talking about magic is easy for her.
So, when you cast a spell, how exactly do you see it? I mean, how does the casting work? You just visualize the spell or something?
Im trying to be vague, already knowing that my personal method of casting is notmon at all.
She looks at me, slightly confused.
If you can multi-cast three [Lights] you should know the answer to this. But Ill humor you, Joey. Every spell has a form. You have to use your Mana to recreate the form in your mind and then try to visualize where you want the spell to appear. Its a very instinctual process. Some people are much more talented at visualizing things in their mind and magices easier to them. The better you are at visualizing and the more you practice it, the better you get, as a general rule.
My subconscious adopts a very nasal voice before going
Oh.
My.
God.
These people are only imagining the matrix! They are not using skills or artifacts to see it! Why? I imagine that getting a [Mana Sense] without the Advanced part cannot be that hard, can it? The book basically gave me a free skill, but there must be another way for them to do the same, right?
If you only visualize a hypothetical matrix, you will always introduce mistakes in tracing the squiggly lines. And how can you control moreplex things like the prity or the anti-matrixes that you ovep on it?
Ok, that sounds good, I say with a smile, and what about movement? How do people move spells around? Im having huge troubles doing that.
Well, you know, everyone has their own insights in the field. Thats the reason people will never exin their casting process for the [Light] spell. But, as a general rule, you attach your own Mana to spells that usually dont move, like [Light] and use it as a stringed puppet.
You have got to be kidding me.
I cant help but widening my eyes and having my jaw go ck.
Yeah, I know. Its a lot to take in if you just begun. But you multi-casted a spell, Joey! Your talent must be incredible at least in that regard! Do you know that many people will never learn to do that? If they do, its usually after they cross the threshold of level 30 or higher. Its not rare. Its, like, super-rare.
She is mistaking my surprise for something else. Im not surprised people manipte their spell with their own Mana, simr to how puppeteers do with their puppets. Im surprised because thats so damn dumb. You need to control every single piece of the movement. With two [Lights], it takes a stupidly high effort to move them in concert for more than a few seconds. If you had to cast in quick session multiple things like that, you would soon hit a bottleneck in what you are able to do.
Instead, if you manipte the movement straight from the Matrix, even if it requires more effort upfront, it will pay off in the long-term. You can easily stack multiple spells on top of each other because you dont need to worry about controlling them individually. Once you get the coordination right, you can summon ten times the same spell and have all of them make the right movement. If you must control each spell individually by a Mana thread or stuff like that, every casting makes it exponentially more difficult to control them all
Me and Lucinda keep talking for a while about magic, but also about the bakeries and my ns. Shes thrilled about my bold move and shes incredible supporting about it.
After almost two hours, she finally tells me she has to go back and take care of a few things.
This was nice.
This was cozy.
This was lovely.
I tell her I can wash the casseroles, but she shoos me off and brings them back with her after putting them in a pouch. Now that they are empty, she can easily bring them back without making a mess of her little dimensional bag.
Yeah, dimensional bags, or bag of holdings as they call them, are a thing. But right now, shes my only concern. While looking at her smiling at me on the other side of the door, her gaze lingers on my face for a second too long.
And I take the hint.
I lean toward her, and I give her a kiss.
Chapter 50: Mommas Boy
Chapter 50: Momma''s Boy
Im smiling like an idiot.
Kissing Lucinda was good.
She had reciprocated, and we had stayed like that for a minute or two. After that, she got all flustered and left in a hurry after another quick kiss.
Hehe.
It was as if my heart had been floating on clouds, gently hovering above whatever mortal worry could affect a human. I was untouched by any thought, unfettered, impossible to move. I was the very definition of happily ever after even before anything had gone down. I had gotten my right-before-the-credits kiss, and that was already all-epassing.
Lucinda is to me what Daphne had been to Apollo. However, if Daphne ran from Apollo in the myth and ultimately turned into a tree to avoid him, Lucinda did the opposite. She leaned into my chasing arms and, instead of turning into a tree, she gave me a kiss sweeter than honey, grander than an entire forest of goddamnurels.
The most surprising thing is that we dont even know where thises from. We dont know each other that much. We have bits and pieces of the other, at most. But she had a fire in her eyes that I had not expected, a glorious love fit for a heroic tale.
She almost made me wish I was a hero, yer of monsters, rescuer of those whom life has brought low. But I was none of those things, nor I wanted to be. In fact, I was simply going for a walk among the empty streets toward the gates of Amorium. I need some targets to hit with my [Light] spells to let all this excitement out before I blow myself up.
But to be honest, it feels like I am the one whos been hit by something.
Love? A crush? A simple charm spell?
Who knows?
Im one of those guys who firmly believes in love at first sight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
People say its dumb, unrealistic, unbefitting of a man my age.
But what can I say? Its just a natural thought on my behalf. I think that love exists, and its not bound by time. Intimacy certainly helps, and it will make such a bond lost a long time, but the spark of true love has to be there. And its metaphysical. Its a brief stare, one move, a glint of something.
Love is no more than a reflection of God in a dirty puddle.
It bewitches you, but you can only catch a quick nce, and you will never know if what you saw was the true embodiment of perfection or another speckle of dirt gallivanting in the waters.
And when I kissed Lucinda, it felt like a genuine [Thunderbolt], so much it hurts even more than getting zapped. And then it hurts even more when I cant see her again, tearing me to shreds.
I cant believe how lucky I am.
I mean, I just kissed my dreamy Elf crush.
Sure, I also betrayed my own beliefs about Elves being vile creatures. But who am I really to stand in the way of love?
Look at me.
Im not walking, I swear.
Im floating.
Its all too good to be true.
I dont even care that I have seemingly lost myself in some alley in Amorium. I could stumble inside the sewer system and still emerge victorious from the liquid waste, a prince covered in sewage.
Now, am I not the luckiest son of a
You are the t-eared filthy Human bastard.
Well, that does sound about right, doesnt it?
Lady-goddamn-Luck.
Hello? I turn to my back and look at five tall and stocky Elves with a very mean look on their faces. Ahem, hello there, gentlemen, how can I help?
I know that being a smartass during a mugging is not the best, but its like a knee-jerk response for me. I cant help it.
We want to take a closer look at the idiot whos so hot even the Watch posted a guard on him, the shortest Elf in the group, clearly the boss, takes a step closer to me. And hes obviously wielding a dagger in his hand.
Am I getting shivved today right after kissing the love of my life?
Shoot, where are Lucillus and Antoninus when I need them? I thought they would be useless, and I would just waste their time. Oh, right, Day of Ancestors. My temporary and personal guards are probably spending the days with their families or something like that.
You know, if you let me go, I might be able to round up some money for you guys. Im very broke right now. I mean, you could even search me. I have really no money on me. But Im willing to make a donation to your cause, huh. How does that sound? I try with a neutral smile.
The Human, the word is pointed with profound contempt, is not lying, boss. My skill tells me hes got nothing of worth on him.
The boss doesnt look happy about that.
Am I getting shivved in the guts just because Im broke?
Im starting to sweat heavily.
I really dont want to escte this thing. Having lived in NYC for most of my life, I know what its like to get mugged. You hand out the money, no sudden movements, and just go on about your day. Thats how it works. If you have no money, though well, thats a problem, isnt it?
I see how the universe is bncing me kissing my huge crush with me getting shivved.
Filthy Humans shouldnt be allowed in the city, you know, little rat? the boss smiles toward me. And I think that it would be a good idea to teach you a lesson, wouldnt it?
I mean, if I have a say in this, Id rather not take the lesson. Theres a reason why I never went back to college. So, can we just drop it?
But at the moment, Im frozen. I really dont know what to say.
Im afraid that if I tried to hit them with my spell, they would get really, really angry. And angry [Thugs] probably dont y well at keeping people alive after they assault them.
The defiant part in me doesnt like this one bit.
Like a fire licking out of slow magma, my anger tries to rise above the tide and to engulf my whole body. It wants me to act, to harm.
It tells me that these people are worthless wastes of society, and Id better off them. Its as if my blood is boiling for a second, aching for me to give in to my most animalistic instincts.
And it would feel so good tosh out. Its like freeing a part of yourself you never knew existed. But, from my experience, it just ends up hurting people in a way you actually did not want to hurt them.
This is not a story where Im the protagonist, and I can wantonly do whatever I want, is it? I dont think my puny little magic is enough to take them down. Not now, at least. Maybe after a few months of hard training, Id be good enough to take them out without being shivved.
The spellbook gave me some power, and I might be talented, but there is no way I can survive five people assaulting me, is there?
Im sorry, I apologize with no real reason apart from being a Human, cant I just send you some money as soon as I get my first sry? You would probably incur trouble if you beat me up right in the middle of the street, wouldnt you? And why would you turn down some money? I can probably rack in a few golds with the baking. I can even provide you and your gang some cakes and pies. Whatever you want, really.
What if I want to gut you like a little pig, Human? What, then?
Five people.
I can multi-cast ten [Lights] like the one that smashed the wall. And I should be able to do that in quick session. I could run after doing that and try to scream for help. Im not sure who would actually help me, but it does sound like the most reasonable n.
Come on, everyones good with some money, right? I can pay your fee, and in turn, I dont get beaten up. Its reasonable, its convenient for you. I wont even report it. You just tell me how much money you want, and well make it happen. My mom always says that no feud cannot be reconciled.
The boss looks at me with a snigger, turns toward his goons, and then back, looking at my face with contempt. However, he does seem interested in taking the money. Or at least I hope so.
I bet your moms a dog who fucked a diseased little rat and then spawned
[Advanced Mana Sense]
[Deep Focus]
[Light Maniption]
Remember the principle of trace the matrix faster, and you get a higher prity?
Well, I stretch my mind so hard it immediately gives me a splitting migraine.
When you want to multi-cast more than two spells, the task at hand bes almost metaphysical. Its not about principles, physics, or rationality. Its pure magic. Some may not like that, but its the same in our world.
Some people are good at what they do because they feel the right move. They dont think of it. They shoot an incredible 3-pointer, score a magnificent goal, or serve a ball impossible to catch. And they do that on a feeling.
Humankind can study ck holes, but we cannot exin how motivation, instinctual understanding, and feelings affect our performances.
We are a bigger mystery than the universe itself.
So, even though pure anger is taking control, I rx. I let go.
I weave together ten spell matrixes without looking at the individual ones, but at my targets.
Remember, a book cannot be read at once.
So, I focus on the overall picture.
The boss is still talking while my magic spins the threads and takes ce.
This is the most potent spell I have ever attempted.
Its a dangerous spell.
But, oh boy, ten [Lights] instantly shoot at an insane speed, much faster than the one that prated my wall.
Those [Thugs] are clearly not high-level since every single one of them gets hit at least once. The first projectiles are aimed at the legs, and they almost all miss. I have no practice whatsoever with aiming, sadly. But the second one, I aimed at the chest. We are reasonably close, and aiming at the bigger part of their body is almost easy since not even one of them moved.
The boss and another guy, the tallest, look like they have sensed something, but the projectiles fly too fast for them to duck.
All the chest-aimed ones hit.
Five peopley down in the alley, three of them out cold, the boss and the tallest fellow writhing in pain.
I think I just cracked more than a dozen ribs just like that. Shoot. I hope I dont go to jail for this a passing thought about whateverws may cover this event. Excess of defense, or whatever.
Without even thinking twice, I shoot at their legs again. This time, I feel my mind tired and miss two out of four shots. This multi-casting business is highly taxing. Only thanks to [Deep Focus], Im not bleeding my nose out. But the boss and his minion still get one hit each on their knee.
Theres a sickening crunch, and both start screaming in pain.
They shouldnt be able to chase me, now.
And they got what they deserved.
Listen, if you wonder whats going on and why I changed my mind so quickly, I have a pretty straightforward answer.
No one, and I say, no fucking one, insults my mother.
Call me a momma''s boy or whatever you want, but my Mom is all the family I need in the world and the only one I cant do without. It might be my Italian roots, but my familys family. And the familys sacred. No one insults family and doesnt pay for it.
Its immature, and I just made some dangerous enemies. But a mans got to stand for something.
I feel nauseous.
Multi-casting moving [Light] projectiles is much moreplex than creating the stationary [Lights]. It requires a degree of focus and effort that I had sorely underestimated.
I start stumbling away from the downed people. I hope I didnt seriously injure anyone.
Man, my head is spinning like crazy.
I bend on my knees and puke out the lovely lunch I had with Lucinda.
Whates after is the weirdest sensation I have ever experienced in my whole life.
Its like a sting, and it doesnt hurt as much as I thought it would after looking.
In fact, I look down at my side, and I find a dagger sticking out from it.
I start breathing heavily, and a blow rains on my head.
I think one of my teeth got busted, and I feel the metallic taste of blood in the back of my mouth.
Im on the ground without even knowing whats happening. I see a couple of figures that werent there before. They are now raining kicks on me. One of them bends to pick up the dagger from my side.
The kicks hurt like kicks. Which is a lot.
I dont even know whats what.
Im a simple ball of pain.
When they relent, more pain, dyed, hits me.
My thoughts are jumbled, and I cant parse out anything from the real world anymore.
I pass out just like that.
Chapter 51: Lawyer
Chapter 51: Lawyer
Did you wake him up? I hear a deep voice, deeper than a bear roar, ask the question.
We just administered him a stamina potion, Captain. His wounds are healed. He should be waking up soon.
In the same way you feel groggy after surgery anding back from general anesthesia, I slowlye back to my senses.
My mouth is a bit dry, and a pungent taste is all over it. I start moving my mouth like a cow chewing on some grass. The empty munching sound seems to draw attention from the onlookers.
Hesing back, Captain, one of the voices says.
I have eyes and ears too, Sergeant.
I open my eyes to two blurry figures.
Oof, I feel really nauseous.
Oh, shoot.
Too nauseous.
One of the two volunteers a bucket, and I immediately puke in it.
I can see some brownish-green liquiding out of my mouth, with a simr taste to what I felt on my tongue as I was waking up.
Well, there goes a stamina potion, the deeper voice grunts.
Ill fetch another one, Captain, the man leaves the bucket in myp as soon as hes sure I can hold it by myself.
Batting my eyelids multiple times, I can finally focus on the man whos standing in front of me.
Luciani, you gave me one hell of a Day of Ancestors, the tall Elf grumbles.
He has greyish air, but hes without a doubt the tallest motherelfer Ive ever seen around Amorium.
I heave again, and my eyes are watering now.
Some citizens called the Watch and found you before you could bleed to death. They gave you some potion and cured most of the damage. However, our [Mage Guards] said you are suffering from extreme Mana exhaustion. Plus, we found five [Thugs] and one [Gang Leader] on the ground. Multiple bones were broken. Two of them, one [Thug] and the [Gang Leader] with a busted knee-cap.
The man doesnt care one bit about the fact Im still heaving, retching, and feeling like absolute crap.
You are a [Mage] at level 3, Luciani. Those peoples levels were all in the 10s.
My head starts spinning so wildly that I can barely make out the rest of the speech. I simply find more food in my stomach to puke out.
I have barely registered one word since this guy arrived.
If this is your first time feeling Mana exhaustion, dont worry because it will pass. What you should worry about, instead, is the fact that you owe me a good exnation for what went down. After we nursed some of their wounds, the [Thugs] and [Gang Leader] are all in prison. But they im you put them down just like that.
Can I have some water? I say with a raspy voice.
The Elfno, the Captain of the Watch, nods.
He takes a mug and offers it to me.
As soon as I go for it, he takes it back.
Ill skin you alive if I find that you are somehow involved with them, understood?
And only after saying this piece does he gives me the mug.
My reply is a simple thumb-up.
Im tempted to go for the what-do-you-want gesture of Italian origins, but I doubt he would understand me. Knowing my luck, he could take it for an insult.
The Captain gets a chair by my bed and stares right through me.
I look around, feeling a bit better after drinking a bit of water. Im in some sort of an infirmary, I think. The beds around me are empty, and some curtains are hung all around them to give some privacy if needed.
So, Luciani
You know my name, I stutter out.
The name of the guy whos got a bakery giving him a personal security detail? The same guy who requested another of my people to be his counselor in a legal matter over whoever gets you working for them? How should I not know your name, son?
The man exhales and shakes his head. Hes probably keen on the fact that Im not involved with the gang that assaulted me, but its clear he takes his job very seriously.
Captain, I start talking, but my head spins so fast I have to hold the bucket to avoid spilling my own vomit on the ground.
The Elf puts a hand on the bucket and mutters a skill.
[Formation: Steady on Your Feet]. There, that should help.
Instantly, the world stops spinning, and I feel a bit more grounded. Man, this is so cool.
So, you were saying, Luciani? the man looks at me without the barest hint of a smile. He looks like he never smiled once in his entire life.
Am I naked?
I put the bucket of vomit and put it on the nightstand by my side before lifting the nkets that are covering me. Yep, thats my wee-wee. Naked like the day I was born.
Theres a scar on my side, and not a pretty one.
The Captain notices where my gaze just fell and gives me an exnation.
There was some minor poison on the dagger that hit you. It caused the healing potion to not work properly. A smith was close by, and he used some hot iron to close the worst of it, thankfully. He was trained for battle injuries. He did a fine job if you ask me.
Well, one more story for thedies, I guess.
I think I have to do something now.
I dont like it.
I utterly hate it.
I despise with every fiber of my being what Im going to donay, what Im to say.
Its against everything I believe in. Its me descending into the abyss, staring at the monster, mingling with the beasts, joining hands with the Devil himself.
If theres a God up there, I just gave up my ce, my seat, my rightful lodging.
Theres nothing worse than the wordsing out of my mouth at this exact moment.
Captain, I think I want mywyer.
I give the big, scary Elf a bashful smile.
Chapter 52: Involved
Chapter 52: Involved
Joey! Lucinda barges into the room where the Captain has made his mission of trying to poke a hole in my head with his staring.
What happened, Captain? she asks concerned.
Hehe.
Shes concerned about me.
Hehe.
I smile wider than the Cheshire cat and relish the feeling.
What is getting a little stabby-stab if a woman gushes all over you like this?
He requested someone to help him navigate the Watch interview, Captain Drusillus exins without skipping a beat, and he asked for you since you are helping him with his personal business, Officer.
As soon as she hears her title, she straightens up.
Im sorry, Captain, I
Save it, the tall Elf cuts right into her words like a red-hot knife through butter, lets get this done before I lose more time on this matter.
Drusillus takes some sheets made of something that looks like paper and rusted leaves and starts recounting the events.
Three civilians testified to finding Joey Luciani, the Human in the room, bleeding out on the street. One of them ran to the nearest Watch Post and immediately asked for help. Anneus the [cksmith] had his furnace running and some experience in the army; therefore, he immediately used a hot-iron to cauterize the poisoned wound. That probably burned up most of the poison and the healing potions did the rest. Luciani was safely carried to the Watch infirmary for further evaluation by a [Healer]. The guards also found five [Thugs] and one [Gang Leader] on the ground, all identified as the ones who assaulted Luciani.
The Captain turned the page.
Leaving some details aside, it appears that some other [Thugs] stabbed Luciani but instantly fled the scene as soon as the civilians noticed what was happening. Three people were reported fleeing the scene.
Man, where had those peoplee from? I was pretty sure I had downed the bastards.
From early reconstructions of the events, it appears that Luciani used some artifact or wand to st the [Thugs] and the [Gang Leader] with a [Bolt] spell of some kind. Given the blunt damage, we believe it to be [Forcebolt]. Four [Thugs] reported several fractured ribs and some minor organ damage; they were all treated with the standard potions issued to [Guards]. We suspect Luciani may have had someone helping him since his low level and weak fitness do not justify the scene we came onto. No Humans were reported fleeing the scene, though. Plus, given the report of Mana exhaustion that Luciani is suffering from, we suspect he might have actually used his own magic instead of an artifact. Nothing was found on him. No money, no artifacts.
Well, Im broke, I sh a wink at the Captain who looks at me in a way that would put the wink back in my skull if that was possible.
So, we have to clear up whether Joey used dangerous means to hurt those people, initiated it, and whether he had people with him. Plus, if we find out that hes a member of some gang or a weird cult, we will hold him indefinitely until we make sure hes not a threat to the public.
Can I say something extremely bad?
I mean, yes, I can, obviously.
But should I?
Should I say what every depraved man with a sick mind like mine is now thinking?
Am I a bad boy or not?
Look at those things! It makes me sound totally badass! Not that I would ever do it again, but I bet that Lucindas definitely got the hots for me now if she didnt before!
Arent bad guys the bread and butter of hot girls?
To answer the question truthfully, not really. But you know, its a clich I dont mind using to boost my own confidence.
So, Luciani, care to answer now that you got your baby-sitter here? Captain Drusillus looks at me.
Should I answer those questions? I ask Lucinda with what looks like a cool smile in my head and probably looks like a barf-moustached-grin in her eyes.
She looks at me with a confused expression on her face.
Yeah, go ahead. Ill stop you if you go off-topic, she says.
Well, evidently theirw system doesnt really work like ours. No surprise there. Calling Lucinda was just an excuse to see her.
The fact that she reacted so strongly to me being injured means that she cares, I think.
I hope, at least.
Well, I had no one helping me. Thats for sure.
Captain Drusillus looks at the truth stone he just fished out of his pocket and nods. This one looks slightly different from the others. Where others had shown a slightly green hue, this one pulses with a stronger and deeper light. If I have to guess, its probably a superior version of a truth stone.
Well, Luciani, do you belong to any gang or cult? he asks me.
Nope. Im all by myself.
The truth stone shes yellow.
Huh.
I look at Lucinda and I realize that my wording had been ambiguous.
I mean, I belong to no cult or gang.
This time its green.
How did you manage to down those [Thugs] if you are so weak? Captain Drusillus hunches over my bed and gives me a death-stare.
Captain, I believe thats his personal business. The question is not directly relevant to the investigation. Would you mind reformting it? Lucinda cuts him off.
Oh, my angel. My sweet, sweet power-hungry angel.
Sure, the Captain appears unfazed, Luciani, do you have any dangerous spells or artifacts?
Captain, thats a very broad question. Please be more precise if you want Joey to answer.
Lucindaes to my rescue before I can even open my mouth.
The Captain shoots a stare at her, probably thinking of her actions as a betrayal.
Luciani, do you have any magic considered prohibited, banned, or outright evil on you? And if not, do you have any artifact that could pose arge threat to the public?
I own no dangerous spell nor have I used anything like that. I also have no artifacts, Captain. Im broke. Like, really broke. If people dont bring me food or stuff, Id literally starve.
The truth stone shes green three times.
Did you initiate the altercation?
Nope, they attacked me because Im a human.
Green, again.
Thats easy.
I could do this all day
Oh no, dont think
Well, Luciani,st question before you are allowed to go. The Captain grins at me. Its the first time he has smiled since hes been here and its outright terrifying. Are you and Officer Lucinda involved in any way that wouldpromise her judgment and make her betray the Watch to guard your ass?
Huh.
Involved?
Well
Chapter 53: A Little Kiss
Chapter 53: A Little Kiss
II
I stutter.
Thats what I do.
I stutter.
Are we involved?
What is this? Is this a badedy? We just kissed and hes basically asking me if we have anything formal. Captain, do you want me to have no chance with this woman? Do you really hate me that much?
What do you think? That I know what is going on between us?
And what would you like me to say?
Shes obviously not betraying your stupid Watch, you dummy.
But she is involved. I mean, I am involved, arent I?
But how involved?
Like, we just kissed and it was on the spur of the moment. We didnt even have time to talk about it, Captain!
Oh, shoot.
Oh, shoot.
I think Im hyperventting.
Luciani, answer the question before I cuff you both. And you, Officer, better shut up and let him answer if you dont want to end up in prison for treason.
Lucinda is definitely not betraying the Watch, to my knowledge. And I dont think she would betray the Watch for me even if I asked her.
Well, that was a diplomatic answer, wasnt it?
Im basically bing awyer, the breed I most despise.
Are you two involved, though? Captain Drusillus pushes.
Captain, this is not relevant! Lucinda is beet red.
Well, Officer, we have a suspect who sted six people unconscious while being at level 3. Forgive me if your personal sensibilities are being hurt, but this is a matter for the Watch. For all I know, this guy could be manipting you into saying those things. You know how truth stones work, if you believe the lie, it turns green. And I am thorough when I conduct an interview. Is that clear or do we have a problem? Thest part is spoken with the tone of a person you dont want a problem with.
We shared a little kiss, Captain. I dont have any mind-altering spells nor enough charm to manipte Lucinda. Instead, I believe she would be the one beautiful enough to manipte me, I give them both my signature wink.
Listen, the situation was desperate enough I might as well use it to shoot apliment to this beautiful Elf woman whos now looking at me like she wants to murder me.
Well, I took my chances.
And I bombed.
Oh boy, I really bombed, didnt I?
Oh man, she looks ready to finish the work the [Thugs] have started.
Can I be excused, Captain? Lucinda has a temper and speaks volumes with her fiery eyes.
Sure, Officer. Just dont go kiss another criminal suspect while I finish the report here.
I snort.
Shoot.
Oh, shoot.
I didnt mean to snort!
Oh for Gods sake and all the Saints up there.
She looks at me and her angry eyes are telling me do you think this is funny? Because I know I can give you something funny tough about. I mean, thats a bit of a stretch. But she does look very angry.
Well, Luciani, Ill send you your security detail to get a more detailed statement. Your two guards were very ashamed of themselves and not happy at all that you went out without them. Again.
Captain Drusillus leaves my room right after Lucinda.
Great.
Thats just great.
At least I get to rest a bit before
[Mage Level 6!]
[Conditions Met: Mage Light Mage!]
[Light Mage Level 7!]
[Skill Lightbolt Acquired!]
[Skill sh Acquired!]
[Skill Eyes: Major Light Resistance Acquired!]
What the hell.
Get out of here.
Im done with this magic for now. Just forget about it.
Im baking, man. Imma bake real good from now on.
No more funny business!
I raise a fist to the heavens, threatening whoevers up there.
I drop my head on the pillow, ready to finally rest and sleep a little.
JOEY!
Cami and Clodia basically fall through the door, clearly fighting to enter first. Oof, that screaming isnt good for my headache.
Hey, beautifuldies, falling at my feet already? I joke while looking at them picking themselves up and staring daggers at me.
If you want to stab me, get in line, I have a queue, my signature wink flies to them and they both show a worried face.
Cami puts a pinkish-blonde lock of hair behind her ear, trying not to show how concerned she is. Biting her lower lip, she takes a few steps to the side of my bed and rests a hand on my arm.
Are you ok, now?
Yeah, just some Mana exhaustion, dont worry. Some Elves were worried I would probably hog all the beauties in the city and decided they should remove the biggest yer in the game, you know?
I hear Clodia snort and she approaches the bed once again.
I know about you and Lucinda, the tall [Chef] says.
What? Who told you? The Captain? That phnderer! He asked me if we were involved! For Gods sake! And now he goes on telling everyone about me and Lucinda kissing! Come on! You have to be kidding me! You dont ask someone about being involved after a couple of kisses! She ran away! Can you believe that?!
Cami facepalms and grumbles.
Joey, she didnt know about that.
Huh.
Oh, for Gods sake, Clodia. Did you pull a I dont even know if this has a name but its like the oldest trick in the world.
That exins how you can be so cheery after getting stabbed and almost killed, she says while shaking her head. She hesitates, but then she lets the tough exterior go and inquiries about my health. Are you sure you are going to be okay?
I probably do need a kiss or two on my boo-boos.
Cami scoffs.
Yeah, you wish.
We should probably tell Lucinda about you needing these boo-boo kisses from us. Shed probably be interested, Clodia grins evilly.
Oh, yeah, Clodia. I think thats an excellent idea, Camis expression bes even more malicious than my bosss.
Listen, you two! Ive already made a huge mess. The Captain made a joke about Lucinda having to avoid kissing other suspects and I . Man, if you mess around with her, she might be the one who stabs me next!
They bothugh and I stare at the two beautiful women who came to the infirmary to check on me on one of the most important elven holidays.
Well, you two, since we are here, I might as well tell you what I decided about our business arrangements.
Suddenly, both of them shift their expression from happy/worried to catty/aggressive. They look like two lionesses ready to pounce on me.
Im half-turned on and half-scared to death.
Chapter 54: Zombie Apocalypse
Chapter 54: Zombie Apocalypse
So, Joey, you want us to finance your own bakery, which would be apetitor for both of us. Did I get that right? Cami asks with a frown.
Thats so not happening, Clodia chimes in.
Listen,dies, its a simple arrangement. Ill give you some very remunerative recipes and tricks. I can guarantee you on the truth stone that almost no one knows about these things. And I want to open a small ce of mine to avoid staying in your way. I like you both and I could evene to your respective ces to work together a bit, but Im not the right fit for any of you. Imzy, I want to do things my way and I even attract trouble. I just want to settle my bakery in a safe ce close to my house, and thats it. You could even lend me the money and I would pay you back. What do you say, I sell you my recipes and you fund a friend?
What if I say no? Clodia looks at me with her icy stare.
I make this an auction. And instead of giving the recipes to you two, Ill just sell them to the highest bidder. Im sure I could borrow some money here and there while waiting for my offer to spread for the whole kingdom of Whats the name of this Kingdom, again?
You dont know? Cami looks at me like Im crazy.
Not that big on geography, I smile.
Kingdom of Lucerna, Clodia says with a frown.
Well, whatever. Thats my offer. Or I could try topete with you both after finding an investor or something like that. Im pretty sure I could steal a lot of your business.
Ill pay for everything, Cami says with a resolute look in her eyes. No matter the price. Ill get Clodias recipes too. Ill pay double for those.
Clodia slowly turns to Cami and the temperature in the infirmary drops by more than a few degrees. Oh, Lady Luck, please dont get me murdered this soon after being stabbed a few hours prior.
You little
Please,dies. I would love to see a dirty catfight, but Id rather not have all of us get arrested, since we are in the Watch building.
Clodia and Cami break their searing deadlock and turn to me.
Once again, I feel like they want to eat me alive.
And once again, thats a bit of a turn-on for me.
Sometimes I wonder when and where I''ve be like this.
I mean, my character was pretty much the same since middle school. I was neverpetitive, but always confident enough to score.
I think my brain actually has an additional lobe whose function is to imagine girls as my potential future wives. Ok, let me exin this one better. Its like every time I see a girl, woman or whatever is legally eptable, I run a simtion.
The wife simtion consists in a series of fictional scenarios that I y in my head alongside said woman.
One of the most important scenarios is the zombie apocalypse.
Now, why would I do that, you might ask.
Well, just listen for a second.
A zombie apocalypse is a situation where there is a big no-bull use if you dont want to die. Its non-negotiable. As soon as you mess up, boom, a zombie is sipping the juices from your brain through a straw, while wearing one of the ugly flower shirts that are so popr in Florida. And flip-flops, probably.
The point is, if you have an unreliable person with you during a zombie apocalypse, you are going to die. And no one wants to die, right? I mean, maybe some. But, as a general rule, people like the breathing part.
So, try to imagine a whiny girlfriend with you while you try to run from a zombie horde.
Oh no, Joey, my foot hurts. They had this special sale at the mall, and I couldnt pass on these shoes even if they are three sizes smaller than my own. I guess we have to die now, but it was totally worth it.
Or a jealous one.
Oh, dont give me that crap about torn up clothes! You were staring at *generic apocalypse survivor female name*s boobs! You are a pig! And guess what, because you dont give me enough attention, I hid your guns! Now what, huh? Oh, youre afraid of those zombies running at us? Well, you shouldnt have cheated on me! Because remember, when your gaze lingers for too long, you are basically cheating!
You get the idea.
Lucinda passed that test with flying colors.
Shes clearly the no-bull, imma-st-zombies-from-dusk-till-dawn type.
But anyway, Im so used to run this software in my head that it kind of ys on its own by now. When I look at Clodia, she fits many scenarios, including the very important zombie-apocalypse one, but she likes girls. So thats that.
When I look at Cami, she is probably reliable, but she does fail on some counts, I think. Further evaluation pending. For now, not interested in that.
That doesnt mean if Im not interested I dont flirt. It doesnt work like that! Youve got to flirt with everyone! If you are too selective, you are just a weirdo! Im for equal opportunities!
Hes doing that thing, isnt he? I slowlye out of my elucubrations, and I hear Camis voice.
Yeah, he didnt listen to one word of what we just said. minia says he does that at least once every hour. If you want my advice, dont ask what he was thinking about. Its usually something infuriating.
Thats very offensive, I reply with a mock-frown.
Its meant to be, Clodia shoots back with a smile.
Chapter 55: Flowers
Chapter 55: Flowers
Even though its just a day after the mugging, Im out with my pal Lucillus.
Apparently, my Mana exhaustion went away pretty fast. I was given a Mana potion that helped quite a bit.
Clodia and Cami agreed to have a contract drafted for me. Apparently, the sum was still to be decided. They were going to think about how much money I was worth together.
I couldnt really imagine the two of them putting up with each other, but I guess thats my special power. I bring together even the worst enemies!
Man, my mom would love this joke, wouldnt she?
A fit of sadness washes over me, but I repel it quickly.
Im a man on a mission.
I cant be distracted by this.
Are you really sure about this, Joey? Lucillus switched to my first name after I got mugged. He feels a bit guilty about it, but he still thinks its mostly my fault.
Am I sure?
I mean, its worked before. And I even prepared myself a little before going. I made Lucillus rehearse the scene with me. There is a very little chance things will y out like I want them to, but I do like to be prepared for anything.
Sure it will work, I lie through my teeth. Always worked, why should it stop now?
Whatever you want, Caesarss cane and his bones. If you tell anyone, especially Antoninus, about what we did, Im skinning you alive, understood?
Hehe.
Sure thing, buddy, I give him my signature wink.
Lucindas not interested in romance, Joey. Its a universally known fact. She stated so multiple times.
Pff, Lucillus, sweet summers child. You know nothing about courting a woman. I turned friendzones into romance just like that, I snap my fingers before his face. People say stuff all the time. You just have to stop listening. Listening doesnt work. Its a scam! And you know what? When the whole world thinks she doesnt want romance, romance bes the forbidden fruit. And she didnt mean that. We dont mean our words. Like, ever.
If she sts you to pieces, Im not going to stop her, Luciani, and here we go back to myst name.
You are going to eat your chainmail, pal. Hoho, you are so eating it.
I rub my hands while biting my lower lip.
I have this down.
I cant
Lets not say that.
Just so, you know, we dont trigger the universe. Providence doesnt like me and loves to mess with me.
Where is Antoninus, anyway? I say with a tinge of disappointment in my voice. The big guy loves my antics.
Hes got some family issues, Lucillus cringes.
Oh, I nod along.
Im curious but lets not get distracted.
So, I got two hundred gold coins from Clodia and Cami as a down payment. Its like a huge sum of money, from what I gather. I mean, maybe not huge, but still prettyrge.
Lucillus was meant to escort me to a few ces I could rent. He has my documentation and stuff like that. But I want to get my before that.
She didnt really appreciate me telling her boss that we swapped a bit of saliva, did she?
Well, gotta work the magic.
We soon get in front of her door, and I take a look at my props. It was pretty cheap for such a beautiful thing. Its the other one that really cost me a pretty penny. Three silvers? Meh.
Is that her door? I ask Lucillus. The man nods guiltily. He wasnt supposed to tell me, but I can be really obnoxious.
Get ready for it, I fumble a bit with my newly acquired belt and a little bag of holding attached to it. These things are so damn trippy.
Oof.
Lets go.
Im nervous, but hopeful.
I like my shenanigansno, who am I kidding? I love them!
I can still feel the migraine from the preparation. Whats a little suffering to get to the woman of your dreams?
I want to see this, Lucillus snorts, but there is a hint of doubt in his voice. He fears it might actually work.
Should I exin my n to you?
Nah, lets not spoil it.
Lets keep the lid on it.
The final effect will be legendary.
I knock on the door and don my most beautiful smile.
The door swings open, and I can immediately feel the cold eyes boring a hole through me.
Hey, there, how you doin?
Lucinda looks at me like an [Ice Queen] would stare at the most worthless peasant.
Oh, man, I love her so much.
Joey, she says with spite.
Love and hate, thin line, am I right?
Hello, beautiful, these are for you, I offer some roses. Goddamn Elves, they do have roses. Wild, but convenient.
Are you here to humiliate me again? she downright ignores the flowers.
No intentions of doing that. I came to apologize. Im sorry. I shouldnt have spoken about us kissing, I give her a bashful smile, but these are indeed for you.
She sees my regret, but she also isnt moved by an inch.
Thats all? Lucinda curls her lips almost disgusted.
She is not saying the magic words yet, damn.
Shes not feeling good about letting go for a second and kissing me, right?
I messed up. Sure.
And now shes hating herself for kissing such an idiot.
Ill exin why I think that some books are superior to others.
See, its about the magic factor. There can be an idiot, a lowlife, a worthless bastard like me. Lets call it the mh, special factor? Nah, that soundsme.
Ok, imagine seeing a painting. Its a normal painting, nothing special. No one looks at it. No one. But you, for some reason, are spending your time in front of it. Simple, right? Wasting your time on a worthless painting in a museum. But there is something, isnt there? Its like are we sure that this painting is not special? kind of feeling. We all long to find a special little corner of the world all for ourselves; its just in our nature. Sure, its hard in my past hyper-connected world.
Sure.
But books, some books, have that. You slowly start seeing things and pieces that you think someone might not have seen. Now, obviously, almost everyone sees it. Or maybe some see more than others. When you read Dostoevskij, you can get that feeling. My dear Fiodor is good at it. You slowly warm up to a character, see the world from his point of view. You invest hours and hours in reading, getting more and more bored by his prosaic style. But then, it happens. You see something. You have immersed yourself so much that what looked banal before is now suddenly special.
Look at that!
Special!
And thats what we want, isnt it? To uncover a great secret, to find the most hidden treasure, to get to the corner of a ce everyone is overlooking and finding the most special thing in the world.
Last question, really. Are you sure you dont want these flowers?
Shove them in your mouth, she spits out.
Well, its not really the hook I was looking for, but Ill make it work.
I toss the flowers backward like a newlywed bride, hoping to hit Lucillus in the face.
Then, I put my hands together and, this goddamn part almost brough me to Mana exhaustion yesterday. I shouldnt have practiced, but apparently, my [Mana Well] makes my reserves muchrger now.
So, my hands slowly part and thats where it gets tricky. Getting this matrix to work didnt allow me to sleep.
This is multi-casting, [Light Shaping] on another level, [Deep Focus] paired with [Advanced Mana Sense] and lots of swearing in the middle of the night. Chugging potions too.
Man, I feel woozy as I go on. Its a bit slower than I would like, but its much more difficult than it looks.
Now, though, slowly but surely, a rose gradually emerges from the freed space between my hands. Its translucent, azure, and gleaming. Its bright, really bright. It looks like solid light caught inside the most perfect diamonds in the world.
Its pure light.
And what about this flower?
I give her my signature wink.
Chapter 56: Tactical Retreat
Chapter 56: Tactical Retreat
A rose made of pure light stands in my palm. A powerful migraine starts throbbing in my head, but nothing can prevent this magic from happening.
This is not just a flower.
Its a promise.
A promise of magic.
Making something like this out of pure [Light] spells is . And Lucinda knows it. She is staring wide eyed at the rose in my palm.
Maybe I shouldnt have done it, you know?
This is misleading. I likeno, I love magic. But this is the most adventurous thing Ill be doing with it, chasing girls. This is as dangerous as I want it to get. There is never going to be a Joey Luciani ying Dragons and saving princesses. However, I couldnt help myself from telling Lucinda See, I can probably do those things.
Its silly and immature. We belong to different worlds by choice, obviously. But still different worlds. After talking to Domiti and Lucinda herself, I know that my magic is strong. I suspect I might have given pause to the book too.
And I can feel it in my veins. I feel the thrum of talent in my mind. I can see some of the great deeds that I could have before me in the future.
But, again, I dont really care. I like doing these little things with magic. If making a rose out of [Light] spells is worthy of an [Archmage], I might be one just for that. But Ill never take on the duties of an [Archmage].
Im on my way to rent a ce for a bakery.
But I wanted to show Lucinda what I was capable of first.
Its selfish and self-absorbed, the more I think about it.
But I like this girl.
Shes strong, gentle, and deceptively kind.
She took back something shed said just because, and she apologized to me even though shes terribly ambitious and arrogant.
I dont know whether there is space in her life for me, but I just want to tell her that if magic is her life, I dont mind sharing some aspects of it with her.
I look straight into her deep green eyes that could give the Amazon Forest a run for its money. Her shoulder-length hair makes her look a bit tomboyish, but that just makes her even more charming.
A sudden question pops up in my mind.
Would I duel someone for this woman?
Like, if some big shot [Archmage] came to my door to take my future wife away from me. What would I do?
Do you want to go out with me? I sh her my signature wink, I promise I will behave and if an [Archmage] everes to my door to steal you from me, Ill learn enough magic to st him to pieces, ok?
She bites her lower lip with a disapproving expression on her face.
Thats not good, is it?
Im sorry, Joey.
Oh, man. Thats really not good.
My heart plunges.
But then I see something in her eyes. There is a me there, a need.
Why are you sorry? I press, knowing that my window of opportunity will close very soon.
Ive wasted too much time already. I have to focus on my magic. And Im bound to depart for the Nine Towers Academy. Nothing good cane out of us messing around.
The only thing I hear is I actually like you and Im making up a bunch of excuses.
This is tricky, though. If I push too much, she will just reinforce her own convictions. If I dont push enough, I dont get her.
Oh God, do I have to y that card? Really?
If dating was chess, Id be a grandmaster.
Look at this.
You are right, Lucinda. You are definitely too busy to date me, arent you?
She looks at me confused, uprehending.
Why isnt he pushing? I was ready to resist even more!
Thats what shes thinking.
Tell you what, I think you need a friend more than a boyfriend and I still need you to close the deals and set up a ce for my new bakery. I got an advance from Cami and Clodia, but I still have to understand if Im getting scammed or not.
Look at that. Reverse the roles. Pull back, retreat. Get into formation again and be ready to prate enemy linester. If I behaved like the hunter once again, she would just get her beliefs reinforced. The more you push, the more she drifts away. Instead, I pulled a mighty switcheroo.
My heart is beating in my ears, so strong I can almost feel them buzz. Its terrible, but thats the rush of adrenaline. This is a dangerous move. You dip your toes into the friendzone waiting for a new opportunity to arise.
Get the defense down before attacking again at the best possible moment. Its an elegant and subtle move, something many my age still cant pull off. But see, conquering ady is like baking a Croissant you need to give time to the dough for it to rise properly. And unless you want to eat a goddamn brick, you have to take into consideration the temperature and the humidity of the environment.
Ok, this simile is not the best. Lets scratch that.
Iok? she is off-bnce.
Perfect, what do you say, I leave you to your magic, work or whatever you are doing, and pick you up in three hours? I sh a soft smile, no winks.
What?
To check the ces for the bakery and to visit Clodia and Cami. They said they needed until this afternoon toe up with a proper offer. I thought I might visit a few ces that could be rented and check how much the basic equipment is going to cost me.
Oh, yeah, yeah, she nods, still confused.
Now, lets avoid appearing too needy.
I dispel the rose and act as if nothing happened.
My feelings are now way out in the open. I just need her toe to her senses, but it will take a bit of time, I think.
Perfect, Ille back here in three to four hours. Dont ck off!
I do a 180-turn and start walking toward Lucillus.
Feeling the door slowly close behind my back, I immediately pull out the Mana potion and start chugging it before I faint.
Was that good? Lucillus looks at me with a confused expression.
Not the best scenario, but not the worst. The games still on.
I sh him the wink that was meant for Lucinda.
Chapter 57: Finally Baking?
Chapter 57: Finally Baking?
Exin it to me again.
Lucillus, a man of few words, is confused by my exnation.
Its just about proximity. I need to stay close to her. The more time we spend together, the more its likely that she will change her mind about me. Humans and Elves, I think do not live on a straight line, I trace such line in the air with my hands.
Its more like a wave that goes up and down, up and down, I start moving my hands like that.
So, if you want to catch a girl whos on the fences, you have to wait for those up moments. Andman, Im not exining this very well. Its like there are hundreds of lines. But they are not synched. You have to wait until there is a sum of all these lines so you can surf that giant wave.
Surf? Lucillus frowns. Okay, listen. Whatever. If that works, Im a t-eared Human turd.
Thank you for the vote of confidence, both the individual and the racial one, I wink at him.
So, onto our next endeavor! I point with my finger in a direction.
Thats not where we are going. Thats where we are going.
He shows me.
So, onto our next endeavor! I point with my finger in that direction.
I need a raise, Lucillus mumbles.
I ignore him and start walking with a spring in my step, Lucinda temporarily forgotten.
So, close to the Adventurers Guild is where you find a lot of traffic and lots of people ready to spend money on food, right?
Lucillus nods.
Lots of problems too. Adventurers are a particrly messy breed. They fight among themselves all the time. The Watch hates adventurers. They cause trouble wherever they go. I always say that if we had better funding, the Watch could easily take care of all those requests. Instead, we send idiots without training to die miserably.
Well, Carl Marx, everyones entitled to their own opinion, I say. But lets go there. I bet your ears those people are always upte, drinking. And you know what goes very well withte-night drinking and hangovers?
A stamina potion? Lucillus ventures a guess.
You nave little child, I cackle.
Bakery food! Croissants, cookies, brownies, cakes!
Bakeries are closed at night.
And that, my dear Lucillus, is soon going to change! Ill show you why bakeries are the Queens of the earliest mornings!
This cees at twenty gold coins a month.
A short Elf I say short, but the guys like almost 6 feet is showing me a few ces for rent right in front of the Adventurers Guild.
Thats quite cheap, Lucillus says by my side.
Yeah. Thest ce was torn down by a bar-fight. No one wants to open up an inn, or worse, live right in front of the ce, the short Elf says. Everything gets wrecked from time to time. The few inns that are close-by are managed by high-level ex-adventurers. They are the only ones who can keep those beasts at bay.
I look around what used to be an inn and I scratch my chin, trying to think about how Id want to arrange stuff. Theres a kitchen and even an upper floor with some rooms.
The ce is empty, almost ghastly. However, I can probably put up a few wooden walls and make a proper bakeryb behind it. It sits on the other side of the road to the Adventurers Guild.
The kitchen still works. It has all the usual Runes. You could have this ce making food by the evening. Youll have to buy the furniture yourself, though.
Yeah, yeah. Show me the kitchen. Lets see what Ill be working with.
The guy beams when he hears me say that. He understands that Im already settling for this ce. And if Lucillus says that the rent is not high, even better.
We enter the kitchen and Im treated to a great view of cupboards, some bigger and some smaller.
They all have Preservation Runes. Youll need someone to check if they all work, but the owner is willing to pay for that. You have two stoves with all the usual Fire Runes. He shows me some weird counters and I nod, unconvinced. Ill need someone to help me with that. And I even know who that someone might be.
Hehe.
Do you have an oven?
Yes, there are three ovens in this kitchen. The previous innkeeper loved to bake. He had two more installed and, from my understanding, they are incredibly good at keeping their temperature. Plus, the runes can be activated on many different degrees of heat.
Rolling my tongue, I take another look at the stoves.
Do the stoves have different settings for the Fire Runes? I mean, can I modte the heat they produce?
Sure, but they have three or four settings, I think. The oven, instead, the guy fishes a piece of parchment out of his bag of holding. The oven has, wow, thirty settings.
Thirty, huh?
These motherflippers probably have an oven that goes from ten to three hundred degrees Celsius. Thats good. Very good.
Are there any facilities made appositely to fry stuff? I ask.
Not that I know of, the guy looks over the parchment where the equipment is listed. Cant you just use a pot? he shrugs.
Goddamn amateurs.
Ill fry your head in a pot.
Well, Ill need an upgrade to better control the frying temperatures.
See, I wouldnt mind some [Baker] skills right now. They probably have the right stuff I need. But well, Im still going to blow their socks off.
Well, get me the contract and give it Lucillus. I dont touch that stuff.
He looks at me, uprehending. However, hes more than happy to offload this ce to someone.
Do you have a measuring tape? I ask the guy.
Hum, sure, why?
I need to take some measurements. Give it to me, Ill pay for it.
Well, cant you wait until you sign the
Tape, buddy. I need the tape. Im not wasting my time. If I dont get baking by tonight, Ill go mad. I cant keep doing other stuff, okay? So, tape, please. Ill tip, dont worry.
Chapter 58: Number One
Chapter 58: Number One
I truly miss working with minia. She was so nice. She is the first person to chat with me without any restraints or without looking at me differently.
Shes a very nice person, I hear Lucillus sigh wistfully.
I look at him with a foxy grin.
Does someone have a little crush on minia? HOHO!
Myugh is sharp and high-pitched, grating that Lucillus already looks like he wants to beat me up.
I do not have a crush on minia.
Sure, pal, sure. So, thats the mysteriousdy whos got your heart, ha? Well, dont worry, Ill take care of it. Consider me the Batman to your Robin.
The what? And dont even think about saying or doing anything, Joey! I have barely spoken with the woman. Shes a star [Baker] and [Chef] in Amorium. I have no idea how my cousin snatched her up for her bakery. But shes out of my tree.
I blink.
Wait.
I blink again.
I put a finger in my ear, twist it around to remove the possible blockage, and ask.
Did you just say out of my tree? I ask.
Yes? Lucillus nods, unsure why that phrase should bother me.
I have never heard that. Where does ite from? I look at him.
Elves used to live in houses on trees. The nobility would stay on the bigger trees, so, if someone was too far up the socialdder, they would literally be out of your tree.
Wow.
I make my impressed-De-Niro expression and continue measuring. I need someone to partition this ce better if I want a caf inside and the bakery part in the back.
I need to buy some wooden nks for this ce. I need a freezing rune, wand or whatever, and I also need butter, eggs, sugar, flour
I look to the kitchen.
The guy said that they already have pots, trays and most of themon stuff. Check if they have some whisk while I finish here.
Lucillus grumbles something about not being my [Assistant] but still goes in the kitchen.
No whisker, he announces a few minutester, with a lot of dust on him.
Do you have any parchment or paper on you, or whatever you people use to write?
He nods.
Ok, start writing this stuff down before I forget. We need to be methodical if we want to make some money tonight, dont we? Ill pay you back for that stuff, dont worry.
So, from the top again. This is going to be our shopping list. First, lets go with the ingredients. Butter, eggs, sugar, flour, milk, vani or the equivalent of stupid Elves
I know what vani is, Lucillus says.
Perfect. Then, Vani, any fruit simr to cherries or peaches. Did I say eggs? Yes? Ok, great. Then, that should be it for the cooking stuff. We will start with something simple. Then, we need a freezing rune/wand before the end of the day, not too strong, something to cool the food off. Then, I need someone to clean this ce. Are [Cleaners] a thing?
Yes.
Nice. Then we hire a [Cleaner], an [Enchanter] a [Woodworker]? Yes? Great. Even a [Mason] in the future. Plus, tell Cami shes going to help me work on this stuff tonight.
Cami?
Yeah, Cami, and minia. I want to show them one of my many tricks. Ill forbid them from reproducing it if they want my recipes, but this should bring my price sky-high. This recipe kind of conquered the whole old continent where my familyes from. Its the breakfast. And its great forte-night people too. We are going to make a killing with the Adventurers Guild. You said they are open pretty much at every hour and that they have an inn inside the ce serving drinks, right?
Yeah, Lucillus shoots a nce at me. He apparently doesnt know how much money a bakery can make from hungry drunk people before they go to bed.
Arent you theirpetitor? If they see your tricks right away, youll go out of business pretty soon.
Oh, right. Did I say we need to go to a brewery? If not, jot that down too. Beer brewery.
"What for?"
"Nothing much, just a revolution for the whole baking world, you know."
I can feel Lucilluss stare on my back while I take some additional measurements. Im going to blow everyones mind with yeast. To hell with magic, baking is definitely the most important
Shoot, I need to practice the Cantrips!
As soon as the realization hits me, the tape almost falls from my hands.
Oh man, how many days has it been? Two? I am already behind schedule! Dammit!
Did you write everything down? I ask Lucillus.
Yes, Joey. I would like to point out that Im not your [Secretary].
That would be nice, though, wouldnt it?
I need to think about my future hires. I cant do everything on my own, nor do I want to. Im a good baker, but Im alsozy if I can afford it. And good employees could help with that.
There are two additional thoughts on my mind, on top of all the other stuff that I need.
Chocte.
Coffee.
You might not need both if you cross the threshold to a magical world, and you might think its okay not to have such amenities. Well, you are clearly thinking wrong. Maybe you can afford that kind of thinking if you are not a baker, but thats not my case, is it?
Well, Ill start doing some research as early as tomorrow. I think Ill involve dear Lucinda in it.
Thinking about her, my heart still aches and longs for her.
I finish taking the measurements with the tape and tell Lucillus to jot everything down. They use the Imperial System, these Elves. Go figure. As always, America number one, buddy. Europeansin that our system doesnt make sense? Well, it sent people to the moon, and apparently, even the Elves have adopted it.
Chapter 59: [Brewer]
Chapter 59: [Brewer]
The [Brewer] looks at me like Im an idiot.
Exin it again, he says.
I need a barrel with a thick sludgy substance on the bottom. You use grain to get the beer, right? It ferments and then bes alcoholic. I imagine theres some paste left behind from the fermentation. I need that.
Lucillus is pretty confused by the whole thing.
The [Brewer] as well.
I can sell you an unfiltered barrel if you want. It should have what you are looking for, the remnants of the fermentation. Ill have to pick something out of the not-yet-ready batch, though. Once they are done, my skills naturally clean the beer up. Anyway, its going to cost you ten gold coins.
Yeah, sure ten gold coins. Do you think Im an idiot? Try again. And remember, I work with Happy Bakery and the Three Roses.
I have no idea what the price is for this.
The stock Elf looks at me with narrow eyes.
Two golds for a lower quality barrel of beer with the fermented grain still in it.
That sounds more reasonable, I smile and shake his hand.
Yeah, Elves do shake hands.
They do look like people who cup their fists or put a palm on their heart or stuff like that. But no, they shake hands like normal people.
Now I can check yeast off my list.
Its going to be a little messy, I think. But my bread is going to be tastier than anyone elses.
Yo, listen, you are a [Brewer], right? Do you also ferment stuff or is there a [Fermenter] in town? Im sorry but Im new and I dont know much about Amorium.
The [Brewer] waves his hand to tell me not to worry.
There are many [Fermenters] here, much more than in any other kingdom. We might evenpete with the Capital,d. Amorium is the finest center for food export. We have the most varieties of nts, fruit, roots, seeds and so on. I mean, you should probably know already. Everyone visits the Gardens as soon as they get here. Many tourists even travel here just to see the most beautiful sight in the city.
Well, guess who didnt know that.
I turn to Lucillus with an usatory stare.
What? he asks with a snort. Are you telling me you didnt know of the biggest attraction in Amorium?
No, but that does sound like my next date with Lucinda, doesnt it? Hehe.
I need to find out if these damn Elves have already discovered chocte and coffee nts. Plus, Im surprised no ones discovered yeast yet. I mean, just leave some dough to rot and you have a chance to get some.
But see, someone else in my ce would probably be going crazy about this. Like, oh my god, why dont they have this or that and also that other thing, right?
For all I care, they could be drinking Coke and I would still not stress about it too much.
After asking to send someone to deliver the thing at whatever my address is, I start thinking about the next problem.
So, next is the [Enchanter] for the freezing, cooling whatchamacallit rune. Then, we go shop a little or not. We can ask Clodia and Cami to give us their wholesale sellers. And I can borrow stuff from them too. Yeah, that sounds about right. Lets not sweat it too much. I also wonder if I should hire a [Fermenter] for the yeast, you know?
The what? Lucillus is confused.
Oh, right. I havent exined it yet. Well, never mind. Its going to be a surprise. Oh, wait, we need a [Cleaner] too! And we need to ask Stan if he wants to man the counter. I dont want to deal with drunk adventurers.
Looking at my bodyguard, I wonder about something.
Lucillus, why doesnt the Watch have a uniform? Like, how do you actually distinguish a member of the Watch from a civilian posing as one?
He looks at me with a confused expression.
Why would you need that? The people usually know, and we patrol all the time in twos or threes. Its pretty easy to tell a member of the Watch apart from the rest of the civilians. And wouldnt a uniform make it even easier to fake being a member of the Watch? Right now, they know whos who. If you just p something on us, it gets harder to be trusted because anyone could wear the uniform. We do have some standardized armor and weapons issued to us, but thats pretty much the extent of it.
My brain goes somewhere now.
You can probably take a good guess.
See, me and my father, we were never really that close. As every Italian American family, he decided what to do and what not to do, what was allowed and what was not. Until recently, still in my early twenties, I still had to ask his permission before leaving the table at lunch or dinner. Its weird, considering how most of my friends were raised. My da is a man of tradition, for better or worse.
Our rtionship has never been the highlight of my life. I think that a part of who I am is there because I dont really like the grind my father puts himself through to raise a family. I admire him, sure. But its not what I want for me. He almost killed himself working.
Anyway, Im digressing.
The one time my father expressed something that really caught my eye, and that we really agreed on, was about uniforms. Apparently, in Italy, theres this police force, the Carabinieri, which is like militarized police that has both local and foreign duties. But long story short, they have beautiful uniforms. They are designed by Giorgio Armani himself.
Now, I dont give a rats ass about politics, police issues, or whatever. I just dont care.
BUT.
When my father showed the little teenage me some magazine pictures of these women in that uniform oh, boy.
I swear I wanted to go to Italy, join a local mafia organization and get arrested right after.
What can I say?
I simp hard for female Carabinieri. Its not my fault Armani made such a good uniform for them.
And now Im imagining Lucinda in such uniform.
Oh man, Id love to be arrested by her wearing the female Carabinieri uniform.
MAN.
HEHE.
Lucillus is probably wondering why Im leering and sneering out of nowhere. Im also making this high-pitched, chortling sounds, while a simping grin is painted all over my face.
See, Lucillus, now that I think about it, I think you are sorely mistaken. Ill personally speak with Captain Drusillus to address this very important matter.
Chapter 60: [Enchanter]
Chapter 60: [Enchanter]
So, does it freeze or does it cool? I ask, confused.
It can do both, sir. Ill just need to inscribe the rune on something, then you touch this or that part. The more you keep your finger there, the more the rune cools. It can reach freezing temperatures, but you would need to keep that in a very closed space in order to create pure ice in the middle of your kitchen. Or you can pay for some more expensive work. But if you only need a cooling rune that can keep things from melting, then you are good.
Ok, can we do this now? I nod at him.
Joey, we still dont have the contract for the ce. We cant start adding things, Lucilluss voicees from behind my shoulders.
Well, if we want to be in business by tonight, we better have a cooling rune.
Sir, Id rather not break thew when you hired someone from the Watch to guard you.
The [Enchanter] gives me a strained smile.
My schedule is free for the next hour, but Ill be pretty busy for the next three days. So
Oh,e on, Lucillus, did you have to say that? Listen, I respect your work and I dont want you to have problems, ok? Lets just say I made you do the work without knowing.
You get tested on truth stones, Joey.
I look at the ceiling.
I need the goddamn Runes, I cant do without them. My goddamn spellbook will not teach me new magic until I practice all the Cantrips.
Is there any way we could do this? I beg Lucillus.
I could say you already had a deal for the contract and that you thought it would be better to start immediately. If the owner doesnt want you in the ce, though, you will have to pay for the removal of the Rune.
I hug the tall guy.
See, even Elves can be lovely.
Im actually a little sorry for acting a bit like an ass to him.
Ok, lets go!
You know, Lucillus, I tell the guy while yawning. Ill give you some advice on how to get minia in exchange for this.
I point at the [Enchanter] doing his weird job with brushes and smelly paint.
My bodyguard doesnt look impressed by my proposal.
I dont want to scare anyone away, Joey.
I snort.
Oh, you little nave child. First of all, women are rarely scared when you flirt with them. Unless you are creepy, of course. The difference between creepy and flirty is trying to understand whether or not theres a signal to go ahead with your flirting. Its subtle and not spoken. It may be a lingering look, a smile, a nod, whatever. It takes time to learn. But people like and make themugh, the job is half-done.
You did annoy Lucinda, though. And you had a fight with her.
Lucillus, a man of few words and short sight.
The incredible [Mage] who everyone admires and says is way out of my league? The same person whos so ambitious she doesnt date or take any males into consideration? Have you heard of Lucinda fighting with any other man?
Lets see if he gets the point.
I dont get the point.
Well, I sigh, you have to have something with someone to fight about it. If theres nothing, theres no fight. And, for all I dont like to kiss and tell, I did share some degree of intimacy with her.
I look at the [Enchanter] to see if hes done, but he is stealthily listening to our conversation about women. And is he blushing? Oh, a possible disciple, then.
I dont want to annoy people like you do, Lucillus speaks by my side.
And you dont have to! I almost cry in dismay. Its not about annoying people, Lucillus. Everyone has a different character and strategy. But, apliment and a sincere one at that goes a long way. First, it shows you are interested; second, its nice. Lets try this: you are very tall, and you look very strong, Lucillus, Im d that you are my bodyguard.
I even add my wink at the end.
He cringes.
See? You didnt like it much because you are a man and youre not interested in me. So, Ill not repeat this experience more than once. Why? Because it would annoy you! But if you think that you can put yourself in a womans shoes, youre done, my friend. Women think differently. As a general rule, every person does. Its always wrong to judge what to do with someone based on our own judgement. You have to calibrate your tools based on the frequency of other people.
Frequency?
Right Ahem, you have to understand what other people want from you and do that. You want a woman? Ask questions. Do not give answers. Your answers are probably wrong anyway. You ask questions and thenpare notes. Ok, she likes shopping around all day, maybe not my type, or This one likes to stare into the distance in silence, maybe shes my kind of gal.
I look, hopeful, for a glint of understanding in my buddys eyes.
Theres very little.
But Im not giving up on him.
Ok, from the start. You dont need to behave like I do. Is that clear? Nod if it is.
Lucillus nods.
Even the [Enchanter] unconsciously does, making me chuckle.
Compliments are important. You have to practice givingpliments smoothly, in your style. If a woman doesnt like thepliment, you stop. If you already gave a fewpliments, you stop to avoid exaggerating. Is that clear?
Lucillus nods again.
I think at some point he caught up on the part where I told him I kissed Lucinda, punching way above my weight.
When you are with a woman, ask a lot of questions. If she tells you she went shopping for groceries in the morning, you ask what she bought. Once she tells you, you ask what recipes shes going to make. Once she tells you about the cooking, you ask who taught her. And so on. Keep the questionsing. Its basically the same of interrogating a criminal, but in this case, its going to be you spending time alone in a cold room if you mess up. Are we clear?
The guard is actually pondering my words with a very serious frown.
What if a girl doesnt like you back? the [Enchanter] asks from the side.
Can you tell me your name again, man? I forgot, sorry.
Sure, sure, he hurries to reply, Im udius.
Well, udius, listen to me, and listen well. Im going to reveal you a well-guarded female secret.
I wink at the [Enchanter].
Chapter 61: [Lover]
Chapter 61: [Lover]
So, people are annoying. As a general rule, we dont like strangers. Its a fact. Elves dont like Humans. Humans dont like Elves. If you are blonde, you dont like brte. If you are brte, you dont like blonde. We dont like different people. This is our premise, you two.
I sat them both down at a table while I go on with my lesson.
So, women will rarely like you at first. They are not like us. We look at a woman and thats it. We are lowly, filthy beasts. We are hunters who starved for three days and three nights while looking for any sign of life in a forest. So, whether we find a rat or a deer, we dont care. We gotta eat.
I m my palm on the table to make the point clearer.
I have to say Im impressed they are both listening to me with such attention. Especially Lucillus. Its clear that the guy is interested in minia much more than he wants me to know.
Instead, women are like do you two know what a shark is?
They look confused.
Is the sea close to Amorium? I ask.
They shake their heads.
And here goes my beautiful simile.
Ok, lets just say women are apex predators. We are scavengers desperate for food. Women can pretty much have their pick whenever and however they want. And most women are . The most a woman needs to flirt with a man is a smile. If a man only smiles at women, he will probably never getid in his entire life. Its not a fair game, remember. So, when a woman says no to you, there is a chance shes just saying no to the entire man-kind.
The [Enchanter] guy, udius, actually whips out a piece of parchment and starts writing on it at incredible speed.
Thats a guy I like!
And if you ever meet a woman who knows how to flirt, well, you are done. You either run or get eaten. This is a well-guarded secret among men, but if women knew how much power they hold over us with simple flirting, they would be dominating the world more than they already are.
But what happens if a woman says no?
Well, udius, I was getting there. Thank you anyway for reminding me. If a woman says no, you have to understand what kind of no that is. And what was the question? Why did you ask a question she could say no to?
Maybe I asked her to go out with me to eat something at the inn? the shy [Enchanter] ventures a guess, probably something from his personal life.
Wrong! I point my usatory index finger at him. Never ask. If you want to go out for dinner, just say aloud well, I might be going to dinner tonight, let me know if you have ns. And thats not a question! Its you just putting some bait out there. If shes interested, you get dinner with a woman, if shes not, you are still free! Mind you, there are some cases when you can and need to ask a woman out. But thats advanced stuff and were still learning how to walk here.
The thing is, I speak, since they are apex predators, they get to pick. They are moody. They eat because they want to eat, not because they need to. They are likezy lions.
They seem to know what a lion is.
And it means that you have to catch a woman in the best possible time, you have to and Ive already exined this to Lucillus catch her at her hungriest. Or, when shes most bored. Once they are interested, there is a test. But we are going to talk more about thatter.
The [Enchanter] raises his hand.
So, is it possible to get to every woman?
Oh boy, we are working with amateurs.
Absolutely not. You will fail miserably multiple times. The fact that you might entice some apex predators is an amazing fact of its own. But if you push the same predator too, theyll just walk away. Or p you. Or beat you up in other ways. Point is, be prepared for failure. And you know what, expect to fail every single time. Go into any date with the swagger of someone who doesnt want to get in their pants! Flirt a bit, sure, but then take it back too! Its a game of hide and seek! What, you think I only flirt?! As Lucillus knows, I just made a tactical retreat with Lucinda! From now on, Im the one on the backpedal.
I look at their confused eyes and decide to close the lesson here.
They just lost me there.
Oh man, the curse of knowledge. I know too much to exin every single detail in the best possible way.
Ok, listen. First lesson, just remember the fundamentals. Compliments are good, but dont exaggerate. If the women have the same reaction that Lucillus had when Iplimented him, pull back; theres no hope there.
I should probably have the [Lover] ss, or whatever they had told me there was. Maybe it was [Flirt]?
Who knows.
udius, care to show me the Rune?
The man is going over his dating notes when my question catches him by surprise. He probably forgot for a moment that he came here to work and not to listen to a dating seminar.
Oh, right. Sure. Come.
He carefully puts away the parchment he was writing on. I saw him work with what looked like expensive reagents and whatnot and he hadnt been nearly as attentive as now.
This guy must have some seriousdy-problems.
Well, worry not. Ill help you, my friend.
As long as you provide me with a discount on this and all future Runes, obviously.
Chapter 62: Hide and Seek
Chapter 62: Hide and Seek
I told Lucillus and udius, who ended up tagging along, to watch closely.
I give a reserved smile to Lucinda when she opens the door.
Clodia and Cami are waiting for us. Sorry for beingter, but I had some stuff to take care of and I wanted to leave you some time to take care of your studies.
She nods in return and follows me and my two-people escort behind us.
Are you ok? Lucinda asks the first question of the day.
Im a bit woozy from practicing magic all night after that Mana exhaustion. But I got [Mana Well] and I think that helped.
I was talking about the stabbing.
Her voice is steady, but there is some worry in her eyes.
Oh, I raise the shirt Im wearing, its okay. Its already gone. See?
She looks at me like Im an idiot.
You got stabbed in the middle of the city, Joey. Are you ok?
To be honest, it is a fair question. I know some people who got mugged in New York and they wouldnt go out for months after.
Am I scared of stuff like that?
I mean, listen, Im in a high-fantasy world with probably no way home. I try to avoid that thought because I dont want to fall into pure and dreadful existential crisis. It may sound unreasonable to some that being assaulted and stabbed in the guts did not traumatize me. What can I say, though? It kind of didnt.
I do fear that at some point I might snap. Like, Ill have to deal with all this mind-bogging experience, but Ill try to stave that off with some baking and Cantrips. Better to look ahead than behind, right? Im not sure anyone says that, but lets keep it.
Going back to Lucindas question, now.
If I could, I would stop time and tell Lucillus and udius, see, here I couldpliment her and tell her how beautiful she is, or stuff like that, and that her beauty is worth every trouble, even getting stabbed and yada, yada, yada. Instead, what Ill do is
Im a bit shook, but its ok. Hows your magic practice going?
She looks at me with worry, but she doesnt want to push.
Its good. Ive managed to learn a new Tier 3 spell today. That should be enough to qualify for the special sses at the Nine Towers Academy. Ive already sent a notice about it and, if everything goes well, I should be admitted in a few months.
See, this is much worse than being stabbed. My heart aches so much hearing that she will leave eventually. I have no idea why I got so attached to this hot Elf. No idea. I mean, yes, shes insanely beautiful, but theres also something I cant quite put in words.
I want to bang my head on the sidewalk, I want to American History X myself by myself. Is it possible? I dont know. But Id surely like to find out.
But is that what a person wants to hear?
Should I just tell Lucinda that thinking about her leaving makes me want to shoot myself in the ear with a crossbow?
Why in the ear?
Im not sure a crossbow can prate my thick skull. So, better safe than sorry.
Oh, man, I envy you so much. What spell is that? Im still learning.
Its [Sr Whip]. Its a bit umon to learn such a spell, since you have to use it as a weapon in itself, but I read that [Mages] of old used to do that all the time. The notion of a sickly frail [Mage] is mostly modern. So, Im trying to learn some fighting too.
I mean.
A whip.
Come on.
Im not even saying anything.
I refuse toment on that.
This is a setup.
This is literally the world setting me up to have horny thoughts.
Theres no other exnation!
My astonishment is hidden behind my silence and Lucinda takes it as her turn to speak.
My mistake.
So, I forgot to ask if you got a specialized ss yet. Or are you waiting for something in particr?
Got [Light Mage] for now. It sounds neat. It will certainly help with the Cantrips.
Now, usually, when you walk, there is only one thing you can do to really broadcast your incredulity.
You stop.
Lucinda, Lucillus and udius, they all stop.
Ok, I messed up, didnt I?
Is [Light Mage] a ss you are not supposed to learn? Like, maybe its too stupid?
You got that stupid ss? Lucillus sounds pained.
Oh, Joey, you should have asked, Lucinda looks guilty. I could have told you what to avoid! [Light Mage] is useless! No [Light] spell can deal damage! Even [Light Arrow] deals little more than a p-worth of damage!
That Macklemore song that starts with what, what, what, what ys in my head.
Cant remember the title.
Anyway, Im pretty sure I broke some bones with a spell that was not [Light Arrow], and why would you use an arrow shape whenoh.
If you use an arrow shape and keep in mind that the matrix will somehow resemble the final shape you can focus the starting points of the Mana path better. They will add speed and power to it.
Wow.
Well, next time I get mugged, Ill keep that in mind.
I mean, you can still learn more magic and change sster. Its going to be a bit more difficult, but its doable. Its not like you have to enter the Nine Towers Academy, Lucinda sighs.
They dont take people with the [Light Mage] ss? I raise an eyebrow.
Nope. Its the first sign that you are a stupid rookie and that you dont know what you are doing.
Well, it is true that I dont know what Im doing. Also, the stupid rookie part, Iugh.
I didnt want to insult you, Im sorry. Its already bad that you took that ss. I was supposed to follow you around for business, but I could have inquired more. I would have been able to help you with that. Im sorry. It exins how you can create a rose out of thin air, at least. Is it a proper skill?
Huh, what is she talking about?
What do you mean a proper skill?
Well, if you are still working on your Cantrips, creating a shape with [Lights] is simply impossible. I still dont know how you did what you showed me the other day, but a full-fledged shape with details is insane. Its just insane. A proper skill means that you got a skill after leveling up that allows you to do that.
Oh, right.
I learned [Lightbolt] and [sh] like that, didnt I?
Ive yet to test them, though.
Yeah, I got a skill to do that, it was technically true, although practically wrong.
[Light Shaping] helped manipte the [Light] spell, but it didnte even close to the massive pain in the bum I had to experience to create a rose out of the spell.
How hard is it to cast a rose like that, just out of curiosity?
No one I know would be able to. Creatingplex shapes with [Lights] is a very specialized thing. Maybe some [Illusionist] could do that. But I wouldnt count on it. The sheer control you would have to exercise on a spell to make it into such a thing is terrifying.
Huh.
Chapter 63: Talent and Hunger
Chapter 63: Talent and Hunger
Oh, I had a question. How do you rank talent for magic? Whats the scale? 1 to 100?
Lucinda looks at me with an intense stare.
She loves talking about magic, thats apparent. But shes also smart enough to know that Im hiding something. The bit about having a skill that makes a rose didnt really convince her. She clearly doesnt have any other exnation, though, which makes it impossible for her to even think that I would craft that on my own.
What do you mean by scale? Lucinda frowns at me.
Huh? Didnt you say that you wanted to test my talent the first time we met? And I asked you if I had to hold your hand or something? How can you tell if someones talent is high or not?
Unless they cannot tell whether its high or not.
We cannot tell whether its high or not.
Huh.
Thats something.
So, wait, how does it work? You put your hand on a stone and if it lights up then you are good to be a mage? I ask whileughing because it sounds a bit stupid and oversimplistic for a society that prides itself in magic.
Thats exactly how it works, Lucinda says tly.
Once again, Huh.
How powerful is that stupidwhats the name? The Omnium Compendium? Is that it? I think so?
Anyway, how strong is that thing? How much knowledge am I currently wielding?
Oh, so no one knows what
Wait a second.
Oh, good God, Im an idiot.
It just came to me.
How could I ignore it?
I noticed that there are 23 Cantrips only. Is that number important? I ask offhandedly, trying to sound as casual as I can. The good thing is that they dont have a system, so she doesnt know that Im asking because thats my talent rank.
Lucinda nods.
Twenty-three is the most important number in magic. Its a prime number of deep power. There is a lot of research about why that is. But currently, its just empirically proven.
Oh. My. God.
Huh, thats cool. And people use Cantrips to try and understand how much talent a person has, correct?
Correct. The faster you can learn the Cantrips, the better. Theres also a qualitative aspect to it. There are standards issued by the Nine Towers Academy on what your Cantrips must look like. For example, your [Light] orbs have to spin at least five times to meet the minimum requirements. Other institutes around the country just require you toplete the Cantrips, but the Nine Towers Academy is the most demanding.
Ok, Joey, breathe. Dont choke and give away secrets that would probably get you killed or worse.
So, whats the general difference between someone whos less or more talented? I keep asking questions.
Lucinda is much more rxedpared to this morning. This is her life and the fact that she can nerd around is obviously putting her in a good mood.
Well, there are different theories. The most redited one is that talent influences how well you can visualize a spell matrix. The more you can flesh out the details in a spell, the faster you will progress in your path to be a true adept of magic.
Isnt there a way to directly visualize spell matrixes? Like, some magic goggles or something?
Sheughs out loud.
Oh, Joey, I wish! You are really silly sometimes. Its impossible to do that. You have to study really hard before you can try and visualize a matrix in your head. And even then, you have to guess how it changes based on the environment. There are entire courses at the Nine Towers Academy where you do that all day! It takes years before a mage can visualize and reproduce a very powerful spell with ease!
Can [Archmages] see their spells and stuff like that? I mean, can you see matrixes at some point?
You wish! Lucinda shakes her head with a good-natured smile.
She probably thinks Im dreaming about making my life so easy that it would basically be a cheat. Yes, an existence-cheat.
Well, Ive discovered that I most likely have some kind of God-forbidden-civilization-ending talent and that my book is so advanced I could probably nuke the entire world and enve its entire poption in a way that would let me be their eternal-Tyrant.
I look around, suddenly recognizing the street.
Yo, lets stop for a second. Im a bit hungry.
What?
Did you expect that I would be interested in bing an [Archmage]?
If I could, I would probably burn the goddamn spellbook! I mean, I would like to. I wouldnt, though. Its still fun to learn magic. Plus, the book would zap me to death if I tried to burn it or something.
Anyway, while I get some food from a stand on the street, I keep my casual conversation with Lucinda going.
As a short summary, we kissed, I got mugged, I told her boss wed kissed, she wanted me to disappear. The fact that we are back to casual conversation is a big, big point for me. If she had really closed the door on me for forever, I would have been done with her. Once you are cut off, theres no way back, sadly.
But Im getting good vibes so far. She clearly must like me a bit to put up with my stupidity. Man, I still want to punch myself for that thing with Captain Drusillus.
You bastard! You dare showing your cheating ass around?!
I look up to where the entrance to Happy Bakery is.
Clodia is being tackled by minia and two other girls, while Amelia, via and Cami are all standing there.
Cheating?! Are you still going on with this madness?! We had already been done, you said!
And you didnt wait for a second before sleeping around, you lide-sucking tramp!
What?
Arent lide those the eggnts Lucinda cooked for me? Is that an insult?
What did you call me?! this time Cami and via had to pin down Amelia, who clearly felt like it was indeed a grave insult.
You slept with that t-eared bastard behind my back, and you dare showing your dry-snout in front of me?! Im going to beat some manners into that t ass of yours! minia, let me go! Im going to kill her!
Cami finally notices me while shes trying to stop Amelia from escting the current shouting match into a full-fledged fight.
Im chomping on a weird fried stick, and I instantly see a malicious stare from the pink-blonde short Elf.
Is she still angry about me not wanting to work for the Three Roses? Well, its not like she can do much while shes holding Amelia, right?
Joey! You are finally here! Why dont youe and help us solve this moral quandary!
In an instant, everyone stares at me, and I can feel even Lucindas eyes prickling the back of my neck.
What the
Chapter 64: Arbiter
Chapter 64: Arbiter
Huh, what? I look at Cami with the intensity of a thousand suns.
Amelia and Clodia have some unresolved issues, her voice was strained by the effort needed to restrain her older sister. So, why dont we take a third-party individual and use him as an arbiter of sorts?
I dont need no arbiter! minia, let me go! Im killing that tramp!
I think its a good idea.
I shiver before I turn and look at the schadenfreude on Lucindas face.
You do?
Oh, yes. Lets see how you deal with rtionships when things get serious and messy, shall we?
For Gods sake. Wasnt she supposed to still be awkward around me? Whats this ambush, now? Is this a bad joke?
Cami whispers in Amelias hear while minia is doing the same with Clodia. They both straighten up and dust off their clothes right away.
Well, tramp, are you ready to have a civil discussion with Joey?
Oh, man, Im so dead.
I am so dead.
Amelia stares daggers at her ex.
Okay, lets go sit inside. Lucinda, Im so sorry about this. Do you mind waiting for a bit while we solve this? You are obviously invited to spectate, Cami says to my quarry.
Id love to, Cami. Take all the time you need. I want to see how my client untangles this huge mess, Lucinda strides toward the entrance of Happy Bakery.
I turn to Lucillus, who immediately puts his hands up in a sign of surrender.
So, wait, this is a thing you Elves do? I ask with wide eyes.
The Arbiter of the Forest was sort of a magical judge who had the [Arbiter of Forest] ss. He decided about feuds, problems, fights, and even crimes. Only muchter did we develop a proper code ofw. But we still keep this tradition now. When theres an irreconcble dispute between two parties, its prettymon to nominate an arbiter. Such a person will try and reconcile the opposing positions without being swayed by nothing but justice.
Cami is exining to me that this is not a bad joke, apparently.
Nope, its just my death sentence.
Clodia will literally kill me if I say anything against her. Amelia will poison me and make a bag out of my cat, or whatever it is that she does.
Lucindas stare is prating my flesh, waiting to know more about how Ill act when stuff gets tough.
As a general rule, when stuff gets tough, Im not there. I work really hard to avoid having anytough stuff in my life. I always pick the path of minor resistance and minimum annoyance. Im the type to always pick the highway instead of the way, you know.
I mean, why would you put yourself in trouble? Whats the point?
There are some people who seriously go nuts about justice, about always doing the right thing and so on.
The I want to feel like the hero of my story, not the viin types.
Well, while they want to go around and y dragons and whatnot, I want to be the NPC that gives out the most useless third-rated quests in the entire game. Its a quest on which you would have to spend more money than what youd get out of it; thats because no one woulde bother me.
I dont want to be a protagonist or an antagonist. Or worse, an anti-hero.
Man, I really dont understand this thing about people wanting to be anti-heroes as oftely. At first, everyone wanted to be your standard hero, right? White stallion, shiny armor, hot princess. I dig some of that, and you can guess which part. But, but, but now, theres a new current of people wanting to be anti-heroes: edgy, morally gray, and probably without the hot princess.
I mean, whats the point?
You tell me, ok?
Why do you want to be edgy and smarter than others?
Did you get dropped on your head when you were a kid?
Oh, look at me, Im so dark and mysterious.
Are you, really?
Whats mysterious about you? You buy ragged clothes on Etsy and look up YouTube videos on how to make your voice huskier?
I despise a whole host of people, true. I try to be kind, too, obviously. But on top of my very popted hate-list, there are those who push the wrong boundaries.
You want to push the boundaries of science? You are wee to do that. By all means, go build rockets and do mad science research. We need those people. But you want to only buy dark clothes and dye your hair and paint your nails? I dont know, man, I think its silly.
People now build their personalities around the weirdest things. It can be about clothes, or trying to look alternative, or music, and even politics.
Oof, entering a room and saying that Ive never voted once in my entire life is the best conversation starter. It immediately filters out the non-chill people. In fact, when you enter a room and you want to instantly know what people not to hang out with, just say Ive never voted in my entire life. Thats it. Its like magical words.
There will be eyes popping, screaming, insults, swearing.
Mind you, when you ask what these people contribute to society, they will, eight out of ten times, tell you that they never did anything outside of casting their votes. Well, thats how you catch them off-guard. Its also a greatdy-catching-story: you say you never voted but that you like volunteering and stuff. I honestly do because you can meet very interesting women volunteers in homeless shelters, and because I can cook. Feeding people is the one thing I dont mind doing even in my free time.
Hes been staring into the wall and chuckling for the past two minutes, I hear Camis voice.
Wake him up so we can start, Clodia growls.
Right, the arbiter stuff.
Chapter 65: Extramarital
Chapter 65: Extramarital
So, I hear both parties and I give advice on how to go forward with dealing with each other, right?
Cami nods at me.
God, help me, please.
So, Amelia, do you want to go first? I ask the woman with purplish eyes.
Sure thing. At least Ill be able to tell all of my story this time
Amelia, please, lets refrain from jabs and any generally meanments. Just tell the story without being needling.
The tall sister of the Three Roses looks at me, slightly surprised by my firmment.
Sure, shes a bit unsure now, the story is pretty simple. I was dating Clodia, here, and we broke up. That day, I went out with a man, a friend of mine. Thats the story. He ended up sleeping at my ce because we were both wasted. Nothing happened between us. I dont like men.
Well, a jealousy issue.
And it looks like something that would definitely damage my rtionship with Lucinda if Id mess up!
Fantastic!
But theres something thats not clear to me.
Huh, I have a question why dont you just use a truth stone? I mean, if this is about honesty, it makes sense, right?
Almost in unison, everyone goes:
Humans.
Well, its probably a taboo to use truth stones in rtionships, isnt it?
Its a taboo to use truth stones in rtionships, Lucinda says from the side. Not that I would mind asking you a question or two like that. She adds, the second part almost whispering.
Its against every tradition we have, Joey. If you bring a truth stone into a rtionship, it means theres no trust. It would mean the end of spontaneity and secrets. Truth stones must be managed carefully. They cant just be used for any interaction. Youve probably got subjected to many more than normal because you are the mysterious Human with weird baking secrets.
Well, thats enough. I only asked because it wasnt clear to me. Lucinda, Cami, please do not derange this conversation, I say firmly, this is about Clodia and Amelia. They deserve closure on this matter, and Ill try my best to deliver it.
Everyone goes still at my attitude.
What? You think I can only be a joker?
Please.
Ive read so much Russian literature and Latin poems that I could write my own Ars Amatoria, kid. Oh, you dont know that book? You are a thousand years too young to mess with me. And if you think my experience is only theoretical, well, think again.
So, Clodia, please, go ahead. And be respectful of the other person during this arbitration. Insults will not be tolerated. And if any one of you wants to just be mean and unkind to the other, I will sell my recipes to the person who actually behaved.
Clodia grits her teeth, but still avoids being mean.
What Amelia says is true, except thest part. The person shes talking about is her employee and hes always had a massive crush on her. She puts up with his shameless flirting and did so during our rtionship too because she likes the attention.
Ok, stop it there, I turn to Amelia. Did you allow this person to be shamelessly flirting with you while you were with Clodia?
Amelia looks like a deer caught in headlights.
Well, thats my answer.
Ok, let me reformte. Amelia, why did you feel it was OK to have this person flirt with you if you are not interested in men and you were with Clodia at the time?
Crack.
Yep, I can hear the cracks.
I read Anna Karenina eight times. Theres nothing about extramarital rtionships that Im not aware of.
Clodia is Amelia struggles with her words. She knows she cannot insult the woman if they want to do business with me. She
Amelia starts and stops several times, clearly having trouble putting her thoughts into words.
I gesture to everyone else to just stay silent and give the poor woman time to borate. Some people never really admit their feelings in the open like this. If Elves do not have such a tradition, I find it to be extremely weird. As it is, its just a bit weird.
She neverplimented me. She was always cold and distant. I dont care about the work as much as she does, Amelias voice is now steady and low. Shes breathing quickly and with shallow sighs. My employee, Maximus, is one of the best. Cami can attest to that. Hes sweet and he has a thing for me. I dont really have anything for him. I mean, I wish I did, to be honest. He would probably be the sweetest little thing. But, s, I like people like
She moved her hand up and down, pointing at Clodia.
So, no-can-do, sheughs bitterly.
sville, Baby-doll, I mutter inaudibly. I know this is serious, but I couldnt help myself.
I Clodia is clearly very upset at this development.
Clodia, Im not sure Amelia is done yet. Amelia?
Maximus makes me feel wanted and beautiful. Clodia made me feel like an ugly duckling. Thats why I never rebuffed his advances. At least someone was trying to be romantic around me at the time. And its true that I let Maximus sleep at my ce on purpose to make Clodia jealous; but he slept on the ground in another room. Not even on a bed. Hes probably the only true victim here. And yes, I always let him flirt with me both because it would make Clodia jealous and because it made me feel wanted.
Well, the hammers just dropped.
Wait, is it the hammer that drops?
I think Im getting it wrong.
So, I guess thats all from Amelia, I say with a sigh and look at Clodia. Now, Id ask you to be as respectful as she has been. No insults, no swearing, no pointing fingers. Is that ok?
Clodia is confused by me, but she nods, still taken aback by this side of me.
I workI work a lot. Its true. I probablydefinitely ignored Amelia more than once because of work, Clodia starts fidgeting with her hands, something Ive never seen her do before. This is the first time I see the woman so vulnerable.
I just wanted toI dont know. My work is everything, Amelia. Im sorry.
Clodias gaze falls to herp, and I can see wetness around her eyes.
Im a bit unsure about what happens now. Should I call for this to end?
Chapter 66: Game Over
Chapter 66: Game Over
Clodia, Im sorry too. I could have been more upfront. I shouldnt have resorted to underhanded techniques, Amelia says with a straight face.
Oh, man, there is something I want to say. Its probably spection, but, oh, boy. If I dont say this, my internal Russian fangirl will probably die. If my guess is off, though, this is going to make a mess.
Amelia, did you think Clodia woulde back to you after you broke up with her and let Maximus sleep at your ce?
See, its a simple plot. People, especially in a medieval setting, probably behave a bit silly like this, right? We have more TV shows and movies to base our life around, but they dont. So, if I had to put myself in her shoes, it makes sense for her to think of something like that.
Amelia, the witch, blushes.
I exhale.
If I got that wrong, I would have made a huge mess out of this clean, new break.
I didnt expect her to react like she did, Amelia is now confessing.
Oh, boy.
Listen, sorry to interrupt, I say to Amelia, but we did just solve the big issue, right? You would probably prefer talking about this in private, wouldnt you? So, lets stop the arbitration here, if you two agree.
Clodia and Amelia share a sad stare and they both nod.
minia, take care of that idiot, and make sure we get good terms. You have my full authority, Clodia says without her usual strength. And this time I feel like the word idiot is not really intended in its true meaning.
Amelia, Ill take care of this, Cami tells her older sister, who bites her lower lip and simply follows Clodia out of Happy Bakery.
Everyone is currently silent.
And it drags on for a bit.
I dont really want to break the awe these people are experiencing.
That was something, Joey, minia says with a smile. Few arbiters are so effective and just. You could have a career doing that if you ever wanted to give up baking.
Wouldnt you like killing yourpetition off like that? I snort.
minia has a point, Cami pulls her chair closer to the table and speaks with a conspiratorial tone. If you can get my sister to behave like a decent creature more often, I can pay you in gold. Lots of gold.
Nah, this was a one-time thing. They are both big girls and will handle themselves. I dont like to meddle in these affairs. You never know who can stab you, I wink to no one in particr.
I turn to Lucinda, expecting her to be smiling or something.
Her expression is the darkest Ive ever seen.
Well, my luck, as usual.
As soon as her green eyes cross mine, I can see a sh of guilt on her beautiful face.
She slowly stands up and grimaces.
Joey, Im sorry.
Huh?
I dont think I can help you anymore. I have to go. I hope youll understand.
Its all so sudden.
Sure. Ill not bother you, I smile regretfully.
Thank you, she whispers softly before bidding the others goodbye and taking her leave.
What did just happen? minia looks at me with an eyebrow raised.
Game over, I exhale. Fuck.
My face falls into my hands while I moan in pain.
Fuck.
Joey, is everything ok? Cami walks around the table and puts a hand on my shoulder.
I thought I had fixed the situation. But yeah. I didnt. She I messed up.
minia and Cami exchange a look and the Happy Bakery employee speaks up first.
We can postpone this if you want. Why dont we go get something to eat and
No, dont worry. Lets go on. Some paperwork is not going to kill me after, I point a thumb behind me.
Im sorry, Cami rubs my shoulder and I nod with my lips pursed into a thin line.
Whip out the contract. Ill need both of you working with me tonight, anyway. We can chatter. I wanted to show you my first trick.
The next hour flies by, with me reading the contract and making a few changes. Its pretty straight-forward and I will get a staggering amount of money. That is, if my recipes can really deliver and live up to everyones expectations.
Ill see you tonight at my ce, ok? Ill show you some stuff and share recipes with both of you. You have a nonpetitive use on those recipes, remember that.
They nod and Lucillus opens the door for me.
minia gives me a hug and as soon as shes done, my bodyguard speaks.
Miss minia, your hair is lovely today, he says with a t tone before turning and following me out of the building.
As soon as we are out of earshot, I snort.
Smooth, I pat him on the shoulder.
Thank you.
We both walk the walk of men not sharing their feelings, silent but supportive of each other.
We have to arrange stuff at the new ce, I tell him. Do you have time?
Lucillus shrugs and nods.
His job is pretty much done at this point, but we have a mutual understanding.
I sigh wistfully every few minutes as we go to the ce.
Id like to hire you and Antoninus on a more permanent basis, I tell the guy as we get closer to the Adventurers Guild. I dont think Ill have many problems, but Id rather not get stabbed again. Im not sure those [Thugs] did not have friends who coulde finish the job.
Its going to be a bit expensive, but I dont think Antoninus will mind staying around food all day, Lucillus agrees.
I mean, its not like Ill pay you that much.
There are standard rates for these procedures. They are the same my cousin was paying.
Yeah, yeah. Well see. Come on, we have work to do.
Lucilluss gaze lingers on me for a second before scoffing and pushing me forward.
Thank you, man, I needed that.
Chapter 67: Halves
Chapter 67: Halves
Cami is jumping up and down, a ball of tightly packed, pinkish energy.
So, how long are you chewing on those leaves?
Huh? I look at her, confused.
How long are you going to be tight-lipped, Joey, minia trantes the Elven saying.
Ha, damn Elves and their weird sayings, I chuckle.
Come on, Cami prods my side with a finger and makes me jump.
Yo! Dont do that! Im ticklish! I scream.
Are you? the short Elf looks at me with a devilish grin.
Dont you dare! I start running around the ce with her immediately in tow.
Lucillus! Stab her! Do something! This is an assault! Protect me! Im running around the unadorned tables that the previous owner left here, trying to lose the short imp.
We dont have a contract yet, and I heard that my rates are not going to be that good, the man chuckles at my plight.
minia! I plead while running to her and hiding behind her.
Come on, Cami, stop that, we wouldnt want
minia suddenly turns and shouts to Lucillus: Catch him!
HUH!?
Lucillus is suddenly behind me and hes holding me in ce.
Goddamn, this Elf is strong!
Release me! This is torture! Abuse! Help! Im being assaulHAAAA!
Cami catches up to me and starts tickling me.
So, Joey, whats up with Lucinda?
HAAAAA!
She stops for a second, giving me room to breathe. Im all red and panting, shivering in ce.
You demons! Im not sayingHAAAAA!
The tickling torture continues.
Now, you might think this is a pleasurable experience because my executioner is a cute Elf with pinkish hair. Well, think again.
I loathe tickling.
Among the many things that I wouldnt mind done to me, tickling is not one. Id rather spend a month in France than being tickled for five minutes. Im simply too sensitive, what can I say?
So, ready to talk, Human? Cami looks at me with her evil, impish grin.
Ill talk! Ill talk! I plead.
Lucillus, please, release him, minia asks my bodyguard.
You traitor, I tell him with narrowed eyes.
So? Cami slowly hunches forward with her hands fingering the air.
Im talking! Im talking! Take your filthy tickle hands off me!
We are done with cleaning up the ce, and I was going to tell them about the first recipe, but it appears that it will have to wait.
Well, itsplicated, I tell the three around me.
Lucinda and I shared a kiss, or two. We didnt talk about it before we could do that, I got mugged. When I was at the Watchs Infirmary, I got interrogated by Captain Drusillus. I may have revealed about the kiss and the Captain made fun of Lucinda for it. Then, I tried to act casual and just tell her that
The rose, Lucillus coughed.
Yeah, well. I might have gone to her ce with some flowers. When she didnt ept them, I made a rose out of a [Light] spell.
Oh, shoot.
I shouldnt have said thest part.
Well, that should have impressed her. I believe its very hard to do something like that, isnt it? minia looks at me with her eyebrows furrowed.
Cami is simply silent, pondering.
Yeah, I thought I had her. But then, we did the arbiter thing and here we are. Thats pretty much it.
The two women exchange a look while Lucillus simply stands like a statue.
The poor man has no feminine wit.
Didnt you say she was an asshole? Cami asks me.
Oh, right. When she came over to my ce, she apologized for thements she made about the homeless people. But that could have been because she wanted to learn some magic from me.
I shortly recount the story of Stan to minia and Lucillus.
The biggest magical talent in all Amorium, possibly the whole region,es to you to learn something about magic, Joey?
minia is skeptical.
Yeah, sounds mad, doesnt it?
You are redefining mad as a word, Luciani, minia looks at me andughs out loud.
Well, anyway, thats done. She clearly doesnt want anything else to do with me.
Yeah, as if, Cami snorts, exchanging another understanding look with minia.
Huh?
What is she saying?
Lucinda is very interested in you, Joey. If she wasnt, she wouldnt have reacted like that. Shes probably going toe to you much earlier than you would think.
Do her good, Cami snorts.
Cami! I look at her with an outraged face.
Shes got a thing for you, for all therge trees, minia shakes her head. How did you do that?
Did what?! She walked out on me! I dont understand. Im pretty sure I have a good understanding of women.
minia gestures to me while looking at Cami, basically saying look at that, can you believe this guy?
Cami nods patronizingly, basically saying yeah, hes an idiot, how did he manage that?
Im not understanding, Lucillus looks at the two women.
Lucinda is mad in love with him and shes feeling vulnerable, Cami exins, she went away because Joey clearly made a big impression. Shes afraid shes falling, or maybe getting too tangled up with feelings for him.
What? Really? Lucillus looks at me with an eyebrow raised. Shes falling for him?
Oh, wow, thanks for the vote of confidence, pal!
Joey, Cami ignores Lucillus, just wait. Shelle around. Trust me.
I mean, its not like I have any other choice. After such a reaction, it would definitely feel wrong to keep at it, wouldnt it?
Can you exin to me, though, why do you like her so much? She really doesnt look like your type, Cami adds.
Why do I like her?
Shes hot, obviously, Iugh. However, my spectators are not impressed with my answer. She looks perfect. II dont know. Sometimes you look at someone and you suddenly want to marry them, dont you? No? Well, thats me then. Ive never felt it as much as I do with Lucinda. Shes just special. Theres this weird chemistry between us. Even if we belong to different worlds, it seems like theres one special bridge connecting us. And I love how she eats like a barbarian monk starved for a week, how she looks at me with mischief in her eyes, and how she can talk for hours on end about magic. Its cool. I love it. I love her?
Everyone widens their eyes at my words.
Theres this guy where Ie from. I mean, hes dead now. Hes been dead for a while, to be honest. But, he was a [Philosopher]? Yeah? Yeah. And he said this thing
Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature. Each of us, then, is a matching half of a human whole and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him.
I think she might be my matching half, thats all.
I shrink in the chair, looking dejectedly to the table.
Lucillus, are you crying? minias voice reaches my hear.
Chapter 68: Because
Chapter 68: Because
So, today well be learning somethingpletely new about baking. Ill teach you both my recipe. This is not in the contract, but its something that people will soon pick up. Its not that French. Thats the people of France. Its a small stupid country in the world, dont worry about it.
I finally take out a huge pot and look to make sure that all ingredients are on the kitchen table in front of me. First rule of cooking have everything prepared in front of you. Even if you are a professional baker, otherwise you might forget something. I know more than one arrogant cook who forgot salt, or another integral ingredient from his recipes, because they did not prepare the ingredients beforehand.
Hybris takes the best cooks away.
Now, I know that you [Bakers] and [Cooks] have a skill to make the bread rise, right?
Its one of the first things you get as a [Baker], Joey, mina looks at me. She has no idea where Im going with this, does she?
Sure thing. But what if I told you that I have a much better solution? I tasted your bread and its in. You need spices and whatnot to make it taste good, dont you?
It doesnt cross my mind at first that they could take this as an insult.
When I look at their narrowed eyes, though well, they might be a little angry about the remark.
Sorry, I didnt mean to insult you. Its true, though. You are just making the bread puffier. Skills cannot really change the taste, can they? So, where Ie from, very far, far away, we do this thing.
I take one of the containers where Ive stored the yeast and show it to them.
This is yeast. I got it fromshould I tell you? I scratch my beard.
There is a use in the contract that says you are obligated to tell us where to fetch the ingredients, Cami smiled thinly.
Sure. The where could be from me, though, couldnt it?
Thats a lot of money.
[Bakers] go through an insane amount of yeast every day.
Huh.
If I hire that [Brewer], I might make an insane amount of money just in yeast-sales.
Hes staring at the wall but hes not smiling like usual, Cami says darkly.
I think hes going to rip us off, minia nodded.
Well, girls. Never mind. Ill sell you the yeast when you need it. Ill make sure to have a lot of it.
Anyway, yeast, I keep going, is a living organism. Its super small and you cannot see it with a naked eye. While what you are using is simr to baking powder, yeast adds vor and nutritionalponents to the bread. You know how stuff ferments? Well, theres a simr process involved here.
I take the sludgy substance that I got from the [Brewer]s beer barrel and p it inside the massive pot.
You want to add some sugar to it before anything else, so that it will start eating and grow stronger. The yeast is not just a dough-raiser, but a truly important part of any baking process. Based on which yeast you use, how much, how long it stays, the vor will changepletely. I have in mind to create different types of yeast, especially for bread, minia. That would make your bread demands skyrocket.
The two [Bakers] are looking at me with rapt attention.
This particr yeast is very sludgy already, so we dont need to add any warm water to make it more alive. Or to activate it, as people say. Now, lets start adding the rest. Its your usual stuff.
I take a pot of melted butter I had put on the stove a while ago and unceremoniously dump it in the pot. People always freak out when you do this, thinking you have to be gentle.
Amateurs.
Now, melted and normal butter in huge quantities. The butter is supposed to be extremely fat to get the best results. Plus, lets add a little bit of milk because.
Because? Cami asks.
Because.
Thats your answer,dy.
Baking is a bit like being a witch. A real witch doesnt really know the why of every single step. She executes the recipe. Only extremely foolish chefs look for an answer to everything in the food world. Humans barely know enough about how the gastrointestinal part of their body works, even less about proper food. So, better not to specte, and just keep experimenting with what works and what doesnt.
If you ever meet a chef that ims to be cooking by scientific principles, hes probably just a douchebag full of himself.
This may sound like a very douchy im, but its just me being humble about cooking. We dont know much about the science behind it, and a few fat cooks saying otherwise wont change the fact. Lets focus on what we know and what we can control. It doesnt make sense to just im wild stuff to sell more. If your food is good and does good to the body, it will sell.
Trust me.
Chapter 69: Oui/Sì
Chapter 69: Oui/S¨¬
So, now, we are going to make the dtrempe, I pronounce the word, trying to make the right ent.
The what? my two bakers go at the same time.
Dtrempe. Its anothernguage. From that filthy ce I mentioned before. Even theirnguage sounds filthy, doesnt it?
So, I go on, we have yeast, flour, butter, milk, water and, obviously, lots of sugar.
I point to the massive dough Im making in the pot.
I take out the thing with my bare hands and start rolling it.
Its heavy. Im going to make hundreds of what Im going to make.
You dont bother the dough too much, remember. You have to let it breathe a little and you want to be as gentle as possible. As soon as the ingredients are incorporated in uniformly, you stop. I know that you have lots of questions, but Ill answer everything at the end, ok?
I keep kneading the dough, focused and immersed in the process. After a few minutes, I leave it be and put it back in the pot. The mass is so big Im not sure my work was perfect, but a couple of times the mixer had broken in my bakery, and I had to do everything by hand.
Good. Now, we wait a few hours for the dough to proofto rise. After that, we will roll it into a very long sheet over the whole table and use a massive sheet of cooled butter. We will wrap the butter in the dough and slowly fold it to create aminate effect in the final product.
Once thats done, we are through. Every other step is a cherry on top. Well make a cream for the filling and now we can start making some jam too. I need a piping bag, or as the French call it, a poche douille.
The most interesting thing about the name is how Italian chefs call it a sac poche, which is not Italian, and the French call it a poche douille. Why is that? Well, google it. I have no idea. One thing is for sure, I prefer the French or Italian variant to piping bag. When you use a piping bag it seems like you are going plumbing or something, not baking.
I guess theres a reason why France and Italy are such important ces, food-wise. They both believe they are the best even though the French have a more developed Michelin-star-history than the Italians.
Having lived in both ces for a little while, Ill try to exin the main difference, culinary-wise.
French people have insane restaurants. Theres no denying that. If you go to France and you manage to book a truly high-end restaurant, you will be mind-blown. I mean, that is if you actually know something about food. High-end restaurants are not a pleasurable experience if you are just hungry.
But, if you want to learn about experimental dishes and have a whole new experience about it, thats the ce. Nowhere else in the world do they do what they do with food in those French restaurants. I have to give it to those baguette-eaters, they are good, and their chefs are, to use their expression, .
So, if I had to judge from a purely Michelin-star standard, the French are probably kicking everyones ass so bad its unreal. Its also true that the Michelin guide is actually French; thats the argument of many Italian chefs I have talked with, too.
Now, onto Italy.
First of all, they have some insane matre-choctier schools. That is, in in terms, people messing with chocte. Why do they make so much chocte? I have no idea. But you can find some damn good chocte in Italy. Even better than Belgian, French or Swiss. You have to know where to look, though.
Well, but Italy is not about chocte. Thats just a casual remark of mine, dont pay too much attention to it.
If you want to understand why food is so important in Italy, you dont go to restaurants. Restaurants are sort of an exception. You go to eat at someones ce. Thats where the pardon my French shit happens.
Being from the US, people loved to invite me over for dinner or lunch in order to showcase their moms cuisine. And to be honest? To hell with French Michelin-star chefs. I did gain almost twenty pounds while in Italy, but, man, I ate like a king.
Italians have a history of simple food. They dont go after delicacies orplex dishes. In fact, many people from the East will tell you that Italian cuisine is almost nd. Thats obviously an asininement about the country, but I forgive people for theirck of culinary culture.
Some of the most famous Italian recipes, above all, the Cacio and Pepe, which trantes to Cheese and Pepper, is literally a pasta dish made with cheese and pepper. How can that be good, huh? Well, its in the process and the ingredients. Italians dont cook recipes, they perform.
I spoke to quite a few Italian chefs, and most have confessed to stealing at least a recipe or two from their mothers or aunts. Its all about enhancing the incredibly fresh ingredients they already own.
So, if French people makeplex andborious dishes, the Italians go for the simple stuff. If you are not a food expert, you might prefer Italy that is, if you can barge in someones house and make them cook for you. Thank God for my Italian heritage.
If you want to discover new frontiers of cuisine, go to France, though. Those little bastards have so many tricks up their sleeve its insane.
Chapter 70: Ancient Wisdom
Chapter 70: Ancient Wisdom
Ill tell you a secret.
Theres this guy called Ovid. Who is he? Well, if that bloody Brit of Shakespeare is to be believed, Ovid is the greatest love poet ever to exist. His most famous work is called The Metamorphosis, and its basically a whole lot of tomfoolery of gods chasing girls. My kind of stuff, anyway.
One day, people will stop reading random quotes from the guy and actually read his books. On that day, Ovid will thoroughly disappear from literature. Im pretty sure that not even College professors even fewer College students have actually read anything from the guy.
Why?
First of all, he lived around two thousand years ago, okay?
Well, in Ancient Roman times, they werent as liberal as we are now, right? Plus, Ovid was a womanizer. He got ejected from Rome by none other than Augustus himself not the Elf, but the most powerful Roman Emperor. Why, might you ask? Well, we dont really know for sure. But the voice is that he fooled around with his daughter.
Let me put that in perspective.
Augustus is the first true Roman Emperor to fill every single position of power in existence and still make the poption believe that he was pro-Republic. His era is also defined as the Golden Era of the Roman Empire. But what most people dont know is that he was actually very conservative. There were lots and lots ofws about decorum and whatnot. Basically, lots of censorship.
So, we can say that, in a way, the most powerful Emperor ever was also the most conservative Emperor. Maybe not the most conservative in general, but the most conservative to hold so much power in his hands.
Its still incredible how some of the greatest works of humankind were produced in that period, like the Aeneid and the Metamorphosis. You might not know this, but, for example, Romeo and Juliet is a rip-off of an Ovidian Myth. Ovid ripped off other authors too, but he was the first topile a veritable Encyclopedia of Myth in love verses.
Plus, writing is all about ripping each other off all the time. Its just that the Ancient Romans were incredibly good at it.
Now, the guy was nuts. He was touched in the head.
Why?
Well, even though there were so manyws about decorum, he was fooling around all the time. And when I say, all the time. I mean, all-the-goddamn-time.
I do not agree with the most insane things he spoke of, but I do hold a very high opinion of the guy. If you take him out of context, hes a madman. Plus, some of the stuff he said is impossible to put into context for anyone without any historical and literary background. Lets just say the guy was not a saint, ok? Its easy to judge one of the greatest writers of all time based on a few lines, sure, but hes still one of, if not the, greatest writers of all time.
So, back to the madman bit.
Under Augustus, he was relegated exiled is a term some historians dont like to a backwater city. Why? Historians have quoted that it was because of a carmen a poem and an error. Well, error is also a Latin word. Cool, huh?
So, the error was supposedly banging Augustuss daughter.
What a champ.
The carmen, the poem, was not the Metamorphosis.
No, sir.
Ovid wrote a book called Ars Amatoria. Tranted, it means The Art of Love.
Now, as you might have understood, its a book on how to score some good ol Roman cabbage, if you catch my drift.
Yeah, the guy wrote what we might call a pick-up-artist book two thousand years ago. The most incredible thing? Its still gold. Most of it, at least. And he wrote it during one of the worst periods, censorship-wise. Think about that. Hrious.
Let me just take one line I can quote in the originalnguage.
Quae dant quaeque negant, gaudent tamen esse rogatae.
Well, thats not really the most literal trantion, but Im sure you get the point.
Now, you might be asking yourself, Joey, why are we thinking about this at this exact moment?
Well, I dont have a good answer for you, to be honest.
I just found it funny, and it crossed my mind.
Maybe it was the to reference? I dont know.
Honestly, who cares?
I just find it extremely entertaining. Its not about a punchline or anything, just about how shameless this poet was. The more you think about it and learn about him, the funnier it gets.
Hes been chuckling for ten minutes straight, now, minia, Cami speaks out loud.
Yeah, he used to go on like that for an hour straight when we were working together. Weird, right?
He looks quite dumb doing it, Cami rebukes.
Yeah, he does.
I turn to the two women with a frown.
Have you arranged the butter instead of talking smack?
Talking what? minia looks at me, confused.
Goddamn Elves. Stop munching leaves with your asses or something. Make the butter cold and fairly thin. Let me see what you are doing.
I exined the part they had to take charge of since I wanted to start cooking the stupid jam. Did you know that the difference between jam and jelly is just whether the spread has been cleared of fruit residues? Imagine being that picky. Oh no, I dont want any fruit pieces in my literal fruit-sugared paste.
God, people.
Chapter 71: Crème
Chapter 71: Cr¨¨me
So, you fold the dough like this and this.
We had to put the dough on multiple tables. I made an insane amount of it, and it simply didnt fit on one table. Thank God we had cleaned them before.
Ok, after folding the cooled butter sheets in the dough, we cut them into triangles.
They still have no idea whats happening.
After using a rolling pin to make the dough-cum-butter into a sheet of its own, we start cutting it into triangles.
Ok, look at me, now you fold the triangle like this, and we put it on those trays. Once the yeast has done its job, we move them onto a preservation Rune. Thats peachy. Usually, you have to coordinate the time for proofing with the time you want to bake them. If you dont and they rise too much, they be gummy and thats bad. They are supposed to be ky and buttery.
Can you tell us the name, now? Cami whines.
Oh, yeah. These are croissants.
What? How do you spell that? minia is tired from folding all those croissants. Honestly, I might have overdone it.
While they folded, cut corners, ttened and whatnot, I made a quick jam and some crme patissire. They are now stored in a cupboard with some preservation runes. I need those for the filling.
Because yes, we are making croissants.
They are the most famous pieces of baking in the world. Id argue theyre even more popr than bread, in a way. Bread, you need to live. Croissants, you need them to enjoy living.
And its unfortunate I still dont have a lead on chocte. Yet. Im going to make some goddamn chocte and hazelnut crme sort of like Nute, pal.
Croissants filled with Nute? Thats my jam.
Was that ame joke?
I dont know.
So, this is how you roll the triangle, I show to the hesitant Cami and minia. Being two professional [Bakers], they learn pretty quickly.
Wow, Joey, you look like a different person when you work, Cami says while wiping some sweat off with her forearm. I did not expect this. And that yeast. Thats insane.
minia looks around, worried.
Do you have much other secret stuff like this? she raises a non-proofed croissant.
Oh, so many, I smile.
Well shes looking a bit pale.
We should marry, Joey, you know. We would work much better like that together, Cami winks at me and gives me a bright smile.
minia throws some flour in the shorter Elfs face, making a mess of her face.
You, t-eared piece of
minia throws more flour, this time in her mouth.
Cami starts coughing and making very unkind gestures toward minia.
Ladies, no need to fight. This bad boy here, I p my ass, is taken.
Joey, why would you show us this recipe if its not in the contract? minia asks me seriously.
You, m, its fine. I trust you. Im not interested inpeting with you two. Really, I want to have my little operation running. Make some money to buy a cozy ce, and thats it.
Hes really confident in his baking skills, isnt he? Cami says after jugging some water.
He seems able to back up his wild ims, minia nods. But I still dont understand why you would give away something so valuable. It makes no sense.
Your awe is worth it. By the way, any updates on Clodia and Amelia? I enter my gossiping mode.
They went to Clodias ce, I think. To talk.
Hehe.
To talk.
Hehe.
This is my favorite part of being a bakerthe gossip.
Cami, I need the details of what happens. You too, minia. We have an operation going here. I need help.
I cant just go around telling people stuff about my own employer, Joey, minia says. She hesitates a second, though.
You keep showing me stuff, Human-boy, and Ill tell you whatever you want, Cami doesnt even flinch.
Great. Well, now we have to wait until tonight, and then we open up a little stall in front of the building to sell the croissants to people. Lucillus, did you fetch the piping bags?
My bodyguard just came back from his trip.
Yes, I also told the [Woodworkers] to build the stand in front of the building. You will need a permit for that, though. I also submitted that and expedited it. It will be valid in a couple of hours.
Man, look, I should marry you, Lucillus.
The man gives me a terrified expression in response.
Well, thats rude. Im an excellent prospect; Ill have you know. If I wasnt taken, you should be bringing me flowers at every time of the day and night to woo me.
Lucillus goes a bit pale just at the thought of that.
Unbelievable.
Anyway, we are pretty much done for now.
Im going to take a nap upstairs. Weve got some rooms with this ce. Its like an inn. Lucillus, you can rest too. Wake me up in two hours if you dont see meing down.
The man nods and goes for a rest himself.
It has been a long day.
Ille back. I need to check on Clodia and fix a few orders at Happys.
Same, but I need to check on my witch of a sister, Cami says with a frown.
Chapter 72: Synchrony
Chapter 72: Synchrony
I walk inside an empty room, and I fall on the bed right after.
No, I have no intention of actually sleeping if you are concerned about that. I have many more important things to do.
Namely, magic.
I open thewhats it called again? Holding bag? The bottomless sack? Dimensional fanny pack?
Well, I fish out my book from the thingy. Theman, whats up with the stupid name? What was the name of the book, now? Ok, I fish out the magic book. Whatever its called.
Yo, book, watch this.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
[Deep Focus]
I weave the spell matrixes, being careful to create the two anchor points to define the distance, and then I strike both [Lights] with an over imposed anti-matrix thats prized to make them spin.
Were they supposed to keep the same exact distance and speed?
Man, I need a memory tonic, I swear.
Well, the prity part is a clone of each other; it should
Two small but bright [Light] orbs materialize in front of me, and they start spinning at a sustained pace. But one is a bit fasterpared to the other.
Goddammit.
I dispel the [Lights].
Come on, Joey, you have five hundred twenty-nine stupid Cantrips to go through, and youre still working on the first one.
I start recreating the two spell matrixes in the air. This time, I let my instincts guide me, and when I create the two orbs
Theres still some asynchrony.
For Petes sake!
Im getting antsy.
I firmly believe that the book will zap me to death if I dont manage this stupid homework.
Once again.
This time, as soon as I visualize the matrixes in the energy world, I breathe deeply, looking at the ever-moving squiggly lines.
The problem is that no two matrixes are the same, so I have to adapt each ones prity to the individual matrix. However, it presents the problem of multi-casting the two orbs simultaneously. Its too much for a human mind. Its like drawing with both left and right hands and expecting the same result.
Stupid book, this is so
And I get zapped.
Its only mild current, but the book hovers maliciously in front of me and opens to a page.
A future [Archmage]s behavior and manners should fit his station.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
I look at two hovering matrixes.
Is there a workaround?
I start tracing the spell matrixes again, looking at how much energy they both contain.
Theres a faint pulsation while I trace the anti-matrix responsible for prity.
And the two pulsing matrixes have a slightly different rhythm.
Gotcha.
I dispel the two spell matrixes again.
While I start tracing the prity anti-matrix, which is simply a matrix with angled starting points, theres a faint pulsation. Now, theres a good chance that that is what Ive been looking for.
But how?
Mmmmh.
Well, lets adjust the quantity, or basically how thick the lines Im drawing are, based on this faint pulsation. And lets try to make it follow the natural pulsation rhythm.
I dont do a perfect job, but its much better than before.
I deactivate [Advanced Mana Sense] and [Deep Focus] to avoid draining myself too much.
Two [Lights] hover on top of my palm, perfectly synchronized with each other. They are equally distant, and their speed is exactly the same. Maybe not exactly the same, but to the human eye, it is. There might be an infinitesimal difference, but thats pretty much it.
Well, that was a dreadful amount of work for two stupid spinning [Lights], wasnt it?
I have to admit; they are beautiful. There is something hypnotic even in this tiny amount of magic, something that feels like swimming in the sky. Its like the first time you dip your toes in the sea and realize you are part of something much, much bigger than yourself.
Magic puts you in a ruthless perspective. Its unforgiving, but its also huge. On Earth, theres nothing thatpares to it. People are in despair many kill themselves every single day. Why? For many reasons that cannot be pinned down to one simple thing.
But many suffer the first crisis when they realize how insignificant they are, how insignificant the world is. Thenes anxiety, paranoia, depression. I wish they could grasp the same two stupid [Lights] that are now orbiting on top of my palm.
They are so beautiful.
They wandered out of the center, sort of in a spiral, before settling in their current orbit.
If those people who deem themselves worthless on Earth could grasp this magic, they would realize they are part of something much bigger, perhaps. Maybe they would start dreaming again, a simple Cantrip capable of dispelling the worst nightmares.
Am I talking about others, or am I talking about myself?
A sad smile is painted on my lips.
My connections and bonds have been severed.
Theres so much I have lost.
So many things that I will never get back.
I dispel the [Lights] and put my face in my hands.
I sigh.
I shake my head, straighten it up again, lick my lips, and smile.
Whassup, book, how was that?
Congrattions onpleting the First Cantrip. Beware, the second one is much more difficult than the first.
Well, isnt that lovely?
More difficult? Whats it going to be? Do I have to y a stupid Dr
You know what, lets not even think about that before Lady Luck ces a giant fire-spitting reptile in Amorium.
For the Second Cantrip, Magister Mulligan wants you to make a [Light] spell spin on itself for ten seconds.
Huh?
What?
You know, Im stupid.
Like, I do seriously think theres something wrong with my brain.
Like, stupidly wrong.
But Ive also read enough books to see plots in advance, and I have a decent hunch about stuff. A decent whats the word? Instinct? Isnt there a better word? Sixth sense? Whatever.
Well, Im not sure you know whats happening here, but it is pretty clear to me.
And it appears that I have messed up massively.
Chapter 73: Effort
Chapter 73: Effort
If you are ever employed somewhere you dont particrly like, dont try hard. Do not. The harder you try, the more work will be assigned to you. Thats a very simple A to B rule. You work hard, you get more work.
You want to do less work? Well, no one gives more work on a deadline to someone who can barely do their job. Thats the sweet spot. Be a decent employee, someone who cannot be fired because well, he is useful hes just not that bright.
The sweet spot.
What Ive done here is the opposite.
How?
Well, buddy, if a book tells you that the second exercise is much more difficult, but you find out that you already have a solution for it, guess what that means.
Yeah, I worked too hard!
Ok. First, apparently, I did not have to multi-cast the [Lights]. I just checked.
Second, I think I should have done what Domiti and Lucinda do. They control the spell matrix from the outside. They do not influence the matrixs prity from inside the matrix. The book threw me off when it talked about matrixes and prity because I was fixated on the squiggly lines.
And remember how the book hesitated in answering some of my questions? Well, I think I just made up something new or, at the very least, extremely advanced.
And if, on the one hand, Im proud of the good work, on the other, the work is too good. And if you know me, it means that this will backfire spectacrly.
How?
I dont know yet; I dont have a crystal ball.
But yeah, apparently, I made a huge mistake.
Well, lets get this over with.
I make a [Light], anchor one point of the spell matrix, and give the rest of the spell some prity by distributing the starting points unevenly.
A [Light] orb appears and starts rotating in ce while spinning onto itself.
After what feels like a minute I dont have a clock here I dispel it and look at the book.
Well, that was the second one, book.
Congrattions onpleting the Second Cantrip. Beware, the third one requires great focus.
Yeah, yeah.
For the Third Cantrip, Magister Mulligan wants you to make two [Light] spells spin on themselves for ten seconds.
Is this for real?
I just repeat the procedure while multi-casting it.
I see the fresh ink already shifting.
Congrattions onpleting the Third Cantrip. Beware, the fourth one tests your casting speed.
For the Fourth Cantrip, Magister Mulligan wants you to cast ten [Light] spells in under five minutes.
Are you kidding me?
I do it in batches of three and then thest one. It probably takes me less than thirty seconds.
My mental capacity seems to have also somewhat increased since the first day. Now, multi-casting three [Lights] is a breeze. Plus, thanks to [Mana Well], I cant feel any strain yet.
Congrattions onpleting the Fourth Cantrip. Beware, the fifth one tests your control of the spell.
For the Fifth Cantrip, Magister Mulligan wants you to cast a [Light] spell and have it travel for ten yards.
I open the stupid window of this stupid room and shoot a [Light] in the air with minimum effort. It goes on for more than a hundred yards before it flickers out into the night.
Congrattions onpleting the Fifth Cantrip. Beware, the sixth one tests your wit.
For the Sixth Cantrip, Magister Mulligan wants you to cast a [Light] spell shaped like a stick and have it spin on itself for five seconds.
[Light Shaping]
I modify the matrix with my skill and simply anchor the center of it, creating an anti-matrix for the prityno, two anti-matrixes on both halves.
What would be the problem here? People would probably learn to control two parts of a spell to make a stick rotate, right? Well, thankfully, I learned how to do much more than that because Im an idiot.
Man, I could have saved myself so much time
The light stick starts spinning, and I look at the book again. The ink shivers for a second as if the book was having a seizure or something.
Well, you didnt expect that, huh?
My body starts seizing from the current.
Come on, now! I say as soon as the [Thunderbolt Curse] lets go of me.
Congrattions onpleting the Sixth Cantrip. Beware, the seventh one tests your power.
For the Seventh Cantrip, Magister Mulligan wants you to cast a [Light] spell with a diameterrger than two feet.
Yeah?
I visualize the same matrix as always, just bigger.
I also overload the squiggly lines with my Mana.
And there we go.
A huge ass [Light], probably three feet in diameter at the very least, starts hovering in the center of the room. If I did not have my [Eyes: Major Light Resistance], I would probably be blind by now.
Next.
I work up my way to the 23rd Cantrip in the span of an hour. After that, I can feel my body getting tired. I had a few interesting ideas while working on the Cantrips, the most important one being how to separate pieces of the main spell matrix to add a beautiful shedding effect.
Thats going to do well with thedies, I think.
Well, lets sleep for a second.
As soon as my head hits the pillow, I can hear the words in my head.
[Light Mage Level 8!]
[Conditions Met: sh Advanced sh!]
[Conditions Met: Light Shaping Advanced Light Shaping!]
Stupid ss, just let me sle
Zap.
Chapter 74: Grand Opening
Chapter 74: Grand Opening
As soon as minia and Cami are back, I start showing them how to cook the croissants. Not having experience with the oven in this ex-inn, Im sure we will waste a batch or two before pinning down the exact process.
Or at least thats what I thought.
[Perfect Timing] is a skill shared among many sses. When you are a [Cook] or a [Baker], it lets you know when a product in the range of your culinary skills is ready to be taken out at the perfect moment, minia exins with a smug face. Shes smug because Cami does not have the same skill.
Whatever, olddy, show off your skills, the shorter Elf with pink-blonde hair says.
Come on,dies, for all I wouldnt mind a catfight, Id rather get to work, I wink at both, Lucillus, got the stand ready outside?
The man shoots an annoyed look at me but still ends up nodding while sighing.
All good.
Lucillus, are you sure you want to workte? minia looks at the tall guard with an air of concern. This is going to go deep into the night. And from what I gather, you still have no contract with Joey. Wont that be a problem with the [Captain]?
Its dangerous to hang out around adventurers at night, and I cant leave two women in good conscience when the only other malepany is he nods toward me.
Yeah, sure, Lucillus. Sure. Protecting.
I can protect these two fancydies, mind your own business, you snotty Elf! I blow raspberries at him.
In return, I get three skeptical gazes.
You still have to exin yourself, Cami chimes in, if Lucillus is to be believed, you were found with five or six [Thugs] on the ground? Did you make themugh till they dropped dead or something?
Wow, what a vote of confidence.
Well, you may not believe it, but Im quite a proficient [Mage]!
A [Light Mage], Lucillus teases me.
Well, still a badass.
I know they are teasing me on purpose. From tickling to this, its all for my sake, isnt it?
They know Im droopy about Lucinda, and I do need some friends around.
Whatever
Excuse me? a knock cuts me off.
An old man with silver haires inside with a huge dog.
Oh, the Human, he smiles at me from behind the huge Gandalf beard.
HA! STANIMAL! I shout in delight.
I wasnt sure if the man would show up or not. As I mentioned previously, its hard to deal with homeless people. But I sent Lucillus to tell the man I had a ce to stay and a little job for him.
This kind guard told me you wanted me to help you with something? he keeps smiling while he pets his giant dog. Im still not sure what damn race that thing is, but its enormous. It looks like someone crossed a wolf with an American Akita and a rhino.
Thats how stocky the dog is.
Damn dogs. I still have to find myself a cat.
Man, I miss my catno, scratch that. I miss the hot neighbor in love with my stupid cat.
Well, I need a good clerk to help me with sales. Plus, people usually dont beat up old people, and they behave more respectfully around them.
Joey Luciani, you dont have to do anything for me. Im old and I dont want to be a burden. I came here because you remind me of that Human girl who helped me out once.
Please! I say as I approach him, keeping a careful eye around the dog. What burden! You see those three? They cant do a thing! Im teaching them everything I need around here. Instead, I would love to learn from someone with real experience. Plus, I have got a bunch of dusty rooms I have no intention to rent out. What do you say you bunker here, huh?
The silver-haired Elf looks a bit overwhelmed.
II dont know, I
Lets go! Stanimal is on board! And whats your name, you cute monster? I switch to the dog that gives an unimpressed stare.
Dogs.
What are you, a cat?
Arent you supposed to be all friendly?
Come on, smile at me!
Are you sure? Stan looks at me with concern in his eyes.
He has the same attitude Ive seen in many homeless people. They dont want to be a burden, and theyd instead prefer living on the fringes of society if that meant they didnt feel like a liability for anyone.
Suresy, sure, I wink at the old guy and ask Lucillus to fetch his stuff so he can settle in one of the rooms.
Stan is tall, probably the tallest among us. Hes even taller than Lucillus, now that Ive seen both standing. But hes very thin, and he looks almost fragile.
Stan, are you good at haggling? I ask the homeless man who still has to find his footing. His dog, instead, settled under a table, barely fitting there, and looked quite satisfied with the ce.
I can haggle a bit, he smiles warmly. And Grigio will surely help me with that.
I look at the dog casually licking his snout and showing me a huge set of teeth while doing that.
Wait, Grigio?
Grigio? I look at him with curiosity.
Thats Italian, not English. Its not even Latin.
You like his name? The Human woman helped me name him, you know.
I raise an eyebrow, interested.
Grigio means Gray.
But the dog is a mix of ck and brown
Is that woman color-blind or something?
Beautiful name, but we have to get to work. Take your stuff to the room while we bake and get settled. We probably wont open for another hour or so. We still have to fill the croissants and arrange some tes where to put them.
I have some leaves, by the way, Cami says aloud.
For what? Sd? I look at her with a raised eyebrow.
Packages? she looks at me weirdly.
Packages? We are selling street food! What packages! They are going to eat on the spot, those drunk adventurers!
Huh, Cami assumes a calctive stance, evaluating my move.
Come on,dies, lets get cooking. We are almost ready for our grand opening!
Chapter 75: You
Chapter 75: You
After filling up more than two hundred croissants, I simply left the rest of the trays to the preservation runes.
Im currently sitting outside, seeing the first group of half-drunk people approach our stand.
Huh! Whats that! That smells really good! Yo, Armin, get some of that for the team!
Yo, dont push, you knucklehead!
Two groups meet in front of my stand and start pushing each other.
Well, everyone said that adventurers were trouble.
Honestly, I dont me them. If you risk your life against monsters every other day, getting drunk at night is the least of the things I would rmend doing.
Hello, there, customers! I smile with Stan by my side and Lucillus looking at the adventurers from the door. We are opening a new bakery that will serve food all night! These are croissants, a specialty that will not just fill your stomach but also make you fly on a cloud of deliciousness!
The group doesnt really listen.
One of them looks at me, squinting.
Is that a Human? And is that the homeless guy?
I look at Stan. Im a bit awkward in these situations.
The former homeless winks at me and coughs strongly.
Adventurers! he booms.
Wow, thats cool.
We beg for you to stay back! Get in a line if you want food! Now!
Wow.
Stans voice has some sort of hidden power that makes it resonate through me too. Its like he just used a skill or something. In fact, even the adventurers look skittish now.
My secret-hermit-expert theory is probably paying its dividends back.
The adventurers start slowly oozing as little amoebas toward a disordered line.
The first persones up to me.
Hi, uh, how much for one of those? he asks, yawning.
Three silvers per croissant, I say without missing a beat.
The man looks like he just got a cold shower.
What?! Three silvers?! I can buy an entire meal at an inn for three silvers!
Well, no one has my recipe, buddy. I came here because I know adventurers can afford the best snacks. Cant they? I wink at him.
Yo, dont hold the line, you cheap bastard! someone shouts from behind.
Ok! Ok! Damn swindling Humans, my first client harrumphs while paying up with three silvery coins.
Jam or crme patisserie?
Whats the second? he asks, confused.
A special filling thats not fruit-based, I exin.
Well, Ive had it with Amorium and their stupid fruit. Gimme that one.
I take a weird leaf I got from Cami and use it as a napkin to fetch the first, still warm croissant.
The kiness is right on point, and the taste is amazing. Even if the yeast wasnt perfect, having two high-level [Bakers] helped smooth out the kinks.
The man takes a bite and frowns at the croissant almost melting in his mouth. Then, he gets hit by the vor of the fresh crme.
Shit, oh, shit. This stuffs good! Wow, what thegimme another two! he says before being shoved away by the second person in line, a massive Elf in heavy armor.
You wish! Its my turn to try the stupid Humans stuff!
Well, at least they are paying.
The second customer takes three croissants of each vor and starts popping them in his mouth right after paying.
What the hell did the Human put in this? Ive never tasted anything like this!
The man now looks longingly at the croissants still on the stand, regretting not having bought more.
I have to say, that guy just inhaled three thousand calories or so. How does he not feel sick?
minia and Cami ate four croissants each, and they did start feeling sick right after. Croissants are not light on the stomach. They are basically sugar and butter filled with more sugar.
The third client orders for the entire team and drops six gold coins on the table.
I didnt expect that.
I asked minia and Cami for a reasonable price, and they told me that I would make a killing selling these for five coppers or something. But these people are fighting over the croissants!
Wait, now they are literally fighting.
Someone tried to skip the line and got clocked in the face by a huge guy.
How tall do these stupid Elves get?
A little brawl breaks out, but the rest of my clientele is unfazedno, not unfazed. Happy that they get to me faster.
Goddamn adventurers.
We keep selling croissants at an insane speed. After ten minutes, I have to go back in to bake more.
I find Cami and minia sprawled on two chairs, with more croissant crumbles on their clothes.
Did you eat more? I ask with wide eyes.
They are so good, Cami says while trying not to puke.
minia nods, clearly not able to speak.
Well, get cooking. We need more, I say with augh.
How much are they selling for? minia manages to squeeze out some words.
Three silvers for now. If they keep flying out of our trays like that, I might raise it to four.
Honestly, I have no idea how much money that is. Im paying what for this ce, twenty golds? Thirty? Im pretty sure its like twenty.
Lucillus, how much are we paying for this ce? I ask my bodyguard.
Twenty golds a month, he says while keeping an eye on Stan. The homeless guy is taking care of himself remarkably well. He even shouts some orders from time to time.
Huh, I think we just made the rent back. Cami, how much do you pay your bakers?
The pink-blonde Elf stares at me with narrowed eyes.
Im not saying! Do you want to poach my employees?
What? No. I mean, if they want toe, let them. But Im not
She pays around one silver per hour to those who are under level ten. Three silvers to those who are above level ten, minia speaks.
Huh, thats not a lot.
You can buy a meal with one silver! And if you cook it yourself, you can do that with a few coppers! Cami looks offended.
Apparently, adventurers attract more adventurers. In barely two hours, we sold more than five hundred croissants. Thats how many I could make with the dough on hand.
This is not supposed to be a trafficked day either.
It means that we might see much more foot traffic in the uing days. Especially because one of the adventurers mentioned that they found a silver-rank Dungeon in a mine. And that its enormous.
I sent everyone home and told Stan to go to sleep.
Considering that this was the first night, everything went well. It was pretty uneventful, and Im sure I didnt pay more than three or four golds for all the ingredients. Plus, I still have quite a bit of them left.
Huh.
Well, cornered the market in one night. Not too bad.
Im currently sitting at a table, pondering what to do next.
Its around two in the morning, but Im not really sleepy.
Should I study some more magic?
Argh, Im sick of it. Stupid Cantrips.
Theres one thingno, one person Id like to see.
And who says I can only be unlucky? Huh?
I hear a knock on the door.
Huh?
I get up and, guess what, I go for the door.
Lady Luck, for once, thank you.
You! the blonde Elf shouts, stabbing my chest with a finger.
Me? I smile, and it feels like I have never smiled before this moment.
You! she says with puffy eyes and her hair in disarray.
Me! my body is aze.
She pushes me inside with her finger on my chest.
How you doin? I say while we leave the door behind us.
You You! she struggles to speak, clearly torn.
Me, and me. All for you.
Whats happiness? Some like to ask themselves. Whats a dream, maybe. What is that we live for?
To all three questions.
Shes the answer.
Lucinda, I say softly.
Show me your stupid Cantrip! she yells.
Huh? Im taken aback.
I said, show me your stupid Cantrip!
What? Why? I said Im not
I am busy, Joey! I have to study magic! To be an [Archmage]! Why do youwhy! she shouts incoherently. Show me the first Cantrip!
Lucinda, please. Im sorry. I just
She cuts me off with a push of her finger.
You are a pathetic Human! Why, why?! Why are you
Shes breathing heavily, shaking. Her eyes are tearing up again.
My life is different, Joey, she now lowers her voice. I cant do this; I cante here in the middle of the night because I cannot sleep. Magic is the one and the only thing I need to cultivate. And this, this
I take her finger in my hand while wincing sympathetically.
I dont want to take anything away from you, Lucinda.
You! she stares usingly and struggles but doesnt try to pry her hand away from mine.
Me, I smile.
She raises her fist to hammer my chest, but she hesitates right before hitting me.
Joey, I cant she says while not turning away. My life this is not it. I am going away. I am nevering back to Amorium.
Well, they need pastries everywhere. Even big mages need pastries. And from what Ive seen, you people eat a whole lot of stuff. So, whats the problem? I try a joke.
And it falls on silence.
Show me the first Cantrip, Joey. And then I need to go.
My heart plunges.
It skydives from ten thousand feet into the void.
I know shes right. Ive been in herpany for a brief time, but she wants something I am not. She might want someone Im not. Shes bound to be an [Archmage], or die trying. And thats not my life.
Why?
I need to know, she says softly. Please.
Sure. Under one condition, I say. One song, one dance. Then, Ill show you my first Cantrip.
What? she looks confused.
You asked me to sing you a song before. And I do have a song for you. We dance to it a little while I sing, and then you can go.
Joey, I
I softly squeeze her hand, changing my grip, and I put the other one on her waist.
I start humming gently while swaying back and forth in small movements with her.
This is my familysnguage. They say its the most musical tongue in existence. The songs title roughly trantes to my magical girl.
When I open my mouth, an upbeat tempoes out of it with lyrics that she cannot understand. Its happy but mellow, sweet, and musical.
I can feel her body rx against mine and her ear on my chest, listening to my lungs thrumming, my heart beating so strongly Im afraid of hurting her.
Its beautiful, she whispers while her tears wet my stained shirt.
Iugh, going off-beat for a second.
My body rocks back and forth as if taken by a currenting from the depths of the ocean. We move together, not knowing where our bodies end and begin, melded together.
As I get to the chorus, I finally grant her wish.
For some reason, I dont even need to focus. It justes out of me as the most natural thing in the world. I have never felt so in sync with my magic.
Two huge orbs start circling us, each almost as tall as her, painting a diagonal orbit and shedding smaller motes of light in their path.
With another deep breath, tens of smaller lights appear above us, recreating a desert sky at night. They are not all the same size, and they pulse with different intensities.
She looks up and sideways with her mouth open and her eyes not crying anymore.
Around us, the floor sprouts with roses of all colors, wild and beautiful not as beautiful as my Lucinda, of course. I have no idea where those lot of stuff went down.
So, in order. First, we opened the bakery and I still have not found a name for it and it was a huge sess; there were no real problems, and we made a boatload of money. Second, Lucinda came, and we shared a special moment, alright. Like, what the hell was that even? Im honestly doubting it even happened. I dont want to get up and discover that I was high on some rotten yeast fumes. Third, Stan is a secret master, as I had foreseen.
Hmmm.
Well, the Stan thing doesnt really bother me. Hes probably a [Druid] or something, considering the massive dog and the roses. Well, good for him, good for him.
Now, the bakery doing well is okay
Yawn.
Man, Im really tired.
Anyway, the bakery doing okay is good. I wasnt expecting much, but its also true that I had no idea what to expect.
Lucinda
Oof.
I dont even know. What am I supposed to say? How do I convey the goddamn hurricane messing up my guts? Wait, did I eat the croissants yesterday? Only one, I think. Yeah, so the hurricane in my guts is definitely because of Lucinda. Or, at least, most likely.
I would kill for a cup of coffee.
Not that it would be too good for my guts, obviously.
Should I take a day off? Or a short holiday?
I mean, people would probably get extremely curious about the one-hit-wonder bakery that just disappeared the day after its grand opening. But maybe that would help create some hype.
Whatever.
Iy my head on the pillow again and fall asleep.
JOEY! someone screams in my ear.
WOAH! I almost get a heart attack.
After repeatedly blinking in every direction as I stand up from the bed, I realize Cami isughing her ass off, bent over, almost reaching the floor with her face.
Dude, not cool! Not cool! And what about privacy! I could have had a girl here, for all you knew! I say while I pull the smelly nket up to cover my graces.
A girl? Or maybe a Lucinda? Stan told me everything. And what are you covering yourself for? You are fully clothed!
A bedroom is an intimate ce! Im entitled to being shy here! And what did Stan say?! Arent hidden masters supposed to be secretive? Whats this with this city and everyone gossiping about everything?
Come on, get up. I brought some breakfast. You still have to show me the first recipe. I cant wait.
Urgh.
Right.
Ok, ok, I say while yawning.
The pink-blonde-haired Elf keeps staring and smiling at me with expectant eyes. She even giggles a bit while I get up.
What? I ask grumpily.
So, did you and Lucinda eat the leaf?
I stare nkly at the woman, having no idea what she means.
We what?
Eat the leaf? Jump over the tree? No?
I have no idea what you are talking about, I say with a raised eyebrow.
I mean, I can guess. Sure. But I dont want to assume, just in case I have been thinking dirty without reason.
Did you two have sex?
Well, it wasnt without reason, then.
Nope. And even if we did, a gentleman doesnt kiss and tell.
You kissed, and thats it?
I yawn again with teary eyes and give her a stare, alright.
So, not only are Elves meat-eaters and open to homosexuality, but they are also sexually liberated.
Can we have breakfast before you talk my ears off, pretty please?
Sure, Cami says with a pout.
Im eating some cheese cupcakes stuffed with meat. Well, I have never been a fan of my countrymen''s breakfast choices, and this is no different.
Breakfast is something you shouldnt enjoy.
I remember this quote from Sun-Tzu that goes something like Eat breakfast by yourself, share lunch with a friend and give your dinner to your worst enemy.
Now, Id reverse it.
Breakfast is something you get while tired, grumpy, and not looking good. Who in the nine-hells wakes up and thinks, well, let me doll up to have this massive bowl of cereal, huh?
Breakfast is one cup of ck coffee. Or three.
Thats it.
If you smoke, you can add a cigarette to it. But thats as far as it goes for side dishes.
Breakfast is to be consumed in shame, in the most disgusting part of the day.
The morning.
If you are a morning person, you should probably seclude yourself with your devilish kin of early-risers go-getters.
I, myself, want breakfast to be in silence and around no one. Thats how breakfast is supposed to be. With your shoulders hunched and your chin low, oppressed by life. You can liberate yourself by lunch. Thats a meal.
My mom always says that lunch is the most important part of the day. See, having Italian parents, we would have a two-hour long lunch whenever we didnt eat at a restaurant. Lunch is to be enjoyed, consumed slowly with your family while chatting, arguing, and watching the news.
The news part is just to have more topics to talk about.
I remember infiniteings and goings of family members in our apartment that would never leave us alone. Im not even sure I actually ever had lunch with only my parents. Both my uncles lived down the corridor, and they always came for lunch. Always.
Weird Italian stuff, I dont know.
Whenever I told my friends in school about this tradition of ours, everyone looked at me funny. They did not understand it. And they said they would be immensely annoyed if their family would constantly pop up at their house. And thats because they valued their privacy, or so they said.
As a young Italian American, I have no notion of privacy. I have found out that people can actually close the door totheir rooms without having their parents shout right after. Hell, my father once found out that I was alone in my room reading with the door locked yes, I had found the keys in an old box and he took out the door. He literally took it off the hinges and threw it away.
For all my family had never been a perfect suburban-dream-smiling-picture example of healthy living, we got around just fine. You learn how to hang around people, how to do small talk with weird guys my uncles and how to care about those people.
Even though I do not share every value of my family, Im still grateful that I never felt alone in my past life. For most of it, at least.
Thats why while I stare at Cami talking my ears off, Im not really angry.
I dont really like a silent breakfast it makes me sad. I just like toin about people from time to time.
Chapter 77: Holy Grail
Chapter 77: Holy Grail
Stan is cleaning the ce with some stuff I didnt know we had.
I went shopping with some of the funds for cleaning supplies. I got soap, buckets, and mops. This ce is filthy. And we have to take the bedsheets and nkets to a [Washer].
Huh, thats a ss too, huh?
The silver-haired ex-homeless man keeps mopping the floor whilepletely at easewhat a guy.
We also need to hire a few [Bakers] to help you out with all the work, Joey, Stan says with an air of responsibility about him.
We could poach someone from Happy Bakery and the Three Roses, I nod while drinking some of the tea Cami has brought.
Ill have this ce burnt down if you do, Cami says with a huge smile.
Stanimal, the shortie here is threatening me. Where is Lucillus? I need to report the owner of the Three Roses to the Watch.
Cami stares daggers at me while I keep sipping this hellish beverage with an aplished demeanor.
Lucillus said he would be back this afternoon with a regr contract. He has to take care of some stuff with the Watch first.
Man, its nice having people who know what to do around.
We also have to talk, Joey. I bet you have many questions, but I can only answer the
Nah, Stanimal, no questions. I dont care. As long as you dont stab me in my sleep, you do you. Im only curious about theck of a walking stick. It would really help the whole wise sage vibe. Well get you one, and thats that.
Stan looks at me with a frown.
You have no questions?
No questions at all, man. Keep doing what you do. If you want to chat as friends, we can. But I have no reason to interrogate you.
I mean, I do have reasons. But who cares?
So, really, no questions?
Just theck of a walking stick, Stanimal.
Heughs heartily and shakes his head.
You, Joey Luciani, are a truly wondrous person. I might have more questions for you than you have for me, then.
If its about your sry, just take I start thinking. Ten times what shortie McCheap here pays her managers. We can probably afford it.
Cami has been staring at us the whole time, probably wondering what we are even talking about. She doesnt know that Stan is a weird, probably-[Druid] guy with lots of magic under his beard.
Thats twenty golds a day, Joey. You cant afford that, Cami sniffs.
Yo, Stanimal, take thirty golds a day as long as we dont go under. Alright?
I truly dont care about the money. Not only am I just getting started with my baking, but I also dont think that croissants will be my biggest hit. They are good, but they are one of many things I know will fly off the shelves.
Oh, we have to go shopping too. Is frying oil cheap around here?
I know some ces he starts talking while something suddenly goes off in my head.
I startughing like an idiot.
Oh man, I didnt even realize I made such a great pun.
STANIMAL.
St-animal.
And he is a [Druid]!
I think.
Well, thats a good one.
Like, what are the chances of something like that?
Incredible.
Truly incredible.
Joey. We might get the oil at five silvers per gallon if you buy a lot at once. But it will take twenty golds worth of sales.
Yeah, lets do that. Why not. I also need to shop around the gardens orwhats it called again? The Gardens but with a capital g?
Yes, the man looks at me with his grandfatherly expression. You have still not visited the ce?
Im waiting to have a date with Lucinda there. I need to shop for hazelnuts, coffee beans, and chocte. Im pretty sure I can spot the raw fruits. You know what, palm oil, too, would be great for baking. People hate its ecological impact on the world, but its truly the best for baking. Some margarine too.
I know where to find hazelnuts. But I have never heard of coffee beans or chocte. And if you describe this palm oil to me, we might find that too. Amorium has a vast repository of fruits, nts, and seeds. If we cant find it here, we will not find it anywhere else.
Palm oil is likehow can I exin. Its these red fruits that hang off palm trees? And you can squeeze them orI dont really know how you get the oil out of them.
I can help you find that. There are tons of those trees in Amorium. People feed it to cattle. Its extremely cheap, but I dont know anyone using it for humans. The trees are too oily.
I rub my hands with an evil grin.
Oh, boy.
I onlyck one ingredient to make the perfect filling then.
Ill single-handedly create a diabetes epidemic in this city!
What are you going to do with those? Cami looks at me with shining eyes. She can smell business opportunities from miles away.
Nothing, nothing. Why dont youe back this afternoon? I didnt agree to let you in on every secret of this bakery, you little spy.
Cami narrows her eyes at me.
And what about my recipes?
Well, the first one is not even a real baking recipe. It should be quite easy to make on arge scale. But youll need [Butchers] to help you with that.
[Butchers]? she raises an eyebrow.
Oh yeah. Butchers. Im going to teach you about the holy grail of fast-food and street food. The hot dog.
Cami looks at me, slightly pale.
We dont eat dogs here, Joey.
Right.
Ambiguous name.
Chapter 78: Screamer
Chapter 78: Screamer
After convincing Cami to leave, I ask stan about cocoa.
Its these moments when Im grateful that people around the world are not aszy as me. Point in case, during my matre-choctier training, the Italian academy I attended taught us every single step of how chocte is made, starting from the goddamn trees.
I swear, Italians can be theziest things in the world. But when they go nuts about something, they really go all the way.
Can the nuts be considered a pun? I dont think so. They are cocoa beans, in fact.
I think we might find them too. But you will have to order a ntation made. From what you say, it takes hundreds of beans to make a few pounds of the stuff.
Not necessarily. Every pod has at least twenty to forty beans. We should buy them all, corner the market, and make tons of chocte. The process, though well need people to help us with it. The beans need to be fermented for a few days.
I can help with that, Stan winks at me, I might not be a [Brewer], young man, but I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. Tricks you are not interested in knowing the source of, apparently.
It seems that Stan wants to tell me about his secret ss or whatever. But, as you know, Im not interested in trouble. This guy ended up homeless on the street after a life of God-knows-what. For now, Ill try to avoid kicking the hos nest.
Well, then well use a separate room for that. And thest is coffee beans. If you chew them, you get a spike of energy. Do you know what Im talking about?
The tall silvery Elf slowly nods with furrowed eyebrows.
I think I do.
I sent Stan on a recon mission to find all the stuff and dumped eighty golds on him, telling him to buy as many ingredients as possible. I also told him we needed to restock the ingredients for the croissants. Plus, I need regr oil before getting the palm one. I gave him a full list. Told him we needed parchment, but old Stanimal said he had a very good memory.
Meh, lets hope so.
Anyway, tonight Im already whipping out my second secret weapon.
Hehe.
We are going to cause a major ruckus through the entire baking world!
I should also start baking some stuff to distribute to Stans friends. The homeless, I mean. Are they Stans friends? Am I being whats the term for clumping people together based on their social condition? Anyway, if we keep raking in money with a shovel, I might get some delivery packages going to those people.
Or could I hire some?
Would they shiv me?
I should probably ask Stan if he thinks we can do something about them. He can probably act as the alpha homeless.
A mote of sadness courses through my body.
Joking aside, I imagine these people must suffer quite a bit in a medieval-like world. Im just a [Baker], so I can either feed them or, if they want, give them work. Is there anything else I can do?
I mean, training them as [Bakers], even clumsy ones, would probably help. I have some free rooms, and Stanimal can probably rein in the dangerous ones.
Mh.
Thats a good idea for a name.
What?
What is?
Home-Bakery.
Thats cute.
House of Magic?
Nah, it would lose some charm. And I think theres a TV show with that name or something.
Yeah, lets go with Home-Bakery.
Joey? I hear a crystalline voiceing from the entrance an entrance which no one bothers to close.
When I see a shy blonde Elf entering, my face softens into a smile that would be at home in a soapy drama.
Hey, beautiful. How you doin?
I came toto visit?
You cane for whatever reason, I give her my signature wink-cum-click.
Listen, should we talk about
I take a few strides toward her, and she backpedals a bit.
What
I nt a soft kiss on her lips, dispelling whatever doubts shed had when she entered the ce. Only after a minute do I relent and look into her emerald-green eyes.
Talk about what? We are dating, no? Boyfriend and girlfriend stuff, dude, I say, raising my thumb.
Dude? she raises a thin eyebrow.
Err dudette?
We bothugh while I show her around the ce.
Got this ce for twenty golds a month, cute, right?
Did you clean? I smell soap, she says with an approving tone.
Yeah, it kind of smelled yesterday, didnt it?
Stanimal did. The old guys a st, I tell her.
Stan? The homeless guy?
Oh, right, I didnt tell her.
Yeah, hes working with me now. He can probably afford a house now or just keep sleeping in one of the rooms upstairs.
She looks at me with her lips slightly parted.
You gave Stan a job? And he epted? What does he do?
Stanimals my new manager. Hes good with stuff. He knows a lot of nts, fruits, and whatnot. Hes shopping now. Gave him a ton of money to stock our reserves. I hope hell buy a bag of holding for it, now that I think about it. I mean, the guys probably deceptively strong, but Id rather he doesnt pull a muscle or something.
Do you trust him? she asks with a bit of concern when she hears me say that I gave him money.
Ill pay him much more than what he has on him at the moment. Unless Stanimal has a betting problem, I dont think he will squander the money.
And how much are you paying him?
Twenty? Thirty? I dont remember.
Twenty silvers a month? Thats not too bad as a start, she says.
What? No, thirty golds a day. Or twenty. Man, can I get a memory skill when I level up?
Sheughs, probably thinking Im joking.
As soon as she understands Im not, she widens her eyes.
You cant pay him that much! Not even a small [Merchant] makes that much money a day! And how can you afford that?!
Yo, girlfriend, calm down. We made a hundred and fifty golds yesterday, with a profit of around one-forty.
She looks at me like Im a madman.
How?
Food and adventurers. I sold them croissants for four silvers each. I think Stan might have raised the price, actually. I didnt really count the money after. But yeah, we made a boatload. And thats just the start.
Lucinda goes pale.
WHAT?!
You hungry? I can make two quick croissants for you to try if you want. It doesnt take much for them to cook. This oven is better than I expected.
Joey, do you have any idea how much money you made?!
Man, shes a screamer, isnt she?
I love her so much.
Wait, was that sexual innuendo?
Whatever.
Chapter 79: Whip
Chapter 79: Whip
You she looks at me, not knowing what to say.
Want to go on a date? I want to visit the Gardens. I was thinking about taking a vacation.
What?! Youve just opened! Lucinda looks like shes on the verge of pulling her hair out.
Well, theyll wait. You know, sometimes you have to wait for the best things to happen, I shoot a wink her way, and she blushes a bit.
Ow, she punches my arm and then ces a hand on the back of my head to kiss me.
You are an idiot, she mutters on my lips.
All the way, I reply gently.
This woman cant even fathom how much she warms my heart with her unruly violence.
Can I ask an ufortable question? I say while pulling back a bit.
There is one obvious thing we still have to discuss.
Sure.
When are you leaving Amorium? And you really dont mind if Ie with you?
In two months, for sure. I thought of leaving early to do someworking at the academy, but she looks at me with a smile. I can catch up on that when I am studying there.
I exhale, happy. Two months is not too bad.
And if you want, you can certainlye. We are allowed to bring a retinue of servants to help us in our daily life. Residents have to apply if they want to live in the Citadel by the academy. And you are
Too handsome? I volunteer.
A Human, she jabs at my shoulder.
Ouch, are you always this violent? I ask reproachfully.
Only if I like someone, she says, copying my wink.
Oh, man, my heart just melted.
Hehe.
I start grinning like an idiot.
Joey, do you really want toe with me? she asks, biting her lower lip.
I dont know that many people here. Ill miss the girls from the bakeries, but Im sure I can bring Stanimal with me and open a bakery over there. Im not sure about Lucillus since the guys after minia. But maybe I can convince him too.
Only residents and students can open a shop, Joey. And you are neither, she points out.
Well, worsees to worst, Ill apply as a student, ditch the courses, and bake. How about that? I wink at her. I might be a [Light Mage], but I still kick-ass.
We still have to talk about your magical aptitude. You you can do things, she says with a serious face.
Yeah, yeah. We can talk magic all we want. But, I lean in with an extremely serious face. There is something I want to do, first. Its immensely important, and its something I couldnt do before. Do you mind if I do this one little thing now that you are my girlfriend? I have dreamt about this since I saw you for the first time.
She goes serious, probably thinking Im talking about magic. I guess shes imagining me showing her one of my great spells.
Show me. Im very curious to see what you are capable of, she braces herself, ready to withstand some first-ss magic.
Now, close your eyes for a second, I say with a conspiratorial tone.
Why? she asks.
Just do it. Its going to be great. I promise.
Hehe.
She closes her eyes, and for a second, I forget my misdeeds. I almost lose myself in her focused expression, with her eyelids so tight and strained, her nose slightly curled. If to had the right guess, I cant believe theres any other person whod fit my other half more than Lucinda.
But, s, more serious matterse calling.
Well, here we go. Just keep your eyes closed and
Something great happens, something she would have never expected me to do.
One could say that the entire universe is actually contained in a single ce in the human body. I mean, at least for some people. It depends on the size of that ce. There are bigger and smaller ces. And sure, one could argue that a smaller ce might be cozier and easier to manage. But thats not me, brother.
See, its a simple matter of opportunities per square foot.
If you buy an apartment and are a musician, you need space for your piano, right?
And if you like to beat drums, figuratively, you need space for that too, amiright?
So, making it more explicit for the densest, if you like hanging out around your apartment, office, or whatever, you need to have good square footage.
And when a musician first gets his piano inside the new house, what does he do?
Well, he ys it. Or with it.
Thats why my hand is now quite firmly pinching Lucindas caboose while my legs start running off immediately.
JOEY! she yelps, outraged.
Byeeee! I start pumping my legs, hoping to make it to the door before
Somethingtches onto my ankle, and I fall right on my face.
Ouch, I say while touching my cheekbone. Oh, dude, I hope I didnt break anything. Cant ruin this national treasure.
I try not to look directly at Lucinda, but I cant help noticing the long translucent whip that grabbed my foot. Oof, things will get kinky in this rtionship, wont they?
Joey Luciani! she says with her facepletely red.
Lucinda
I dont know herst name, do I?
Now that I think about it, I dont think I know thest name of anyone here. Mmm.
Well, one thing less to remember.
You are going to pay for this, she says while keeping the two extremities of the whip in her hand and suddenly tensing it.
Oh, boy, I grin, I hope you are not going to use that on me.
Or do I?
Hehe.
Chapter 80: Main Quest
Chapter 80: Main Quest
I wince after touching my bum.
Yeah, Lucinda didnt really joke around, huh?
Well, in the right context it would have been more pleasant to be whipped like that.
And I kind of deserved it. But
It was totally worth it.
What a texture! What juiciness!
You look like a creep, Lucinda says while Im lost in my thoughts.
Im a creep. For you, I wink.
She tries to keep her face straight but then she erupts in a giggle.
So, the Gardens are close-by. Come.
We have been walking for half an hour or so. Lucinda is exining to me how the Gardens are arranged, and its basically just a huge-ass series of plots ofndsid around Amorium with fancy nts, fruits, roots, and so on. A few generations ago, a [Mayor] invested heavily in this project to make Amorium both a hub of resources and tourism.
Some of the best [Architects] and [Landscapers] have worked on the Gardens. Each and every one of them built a greenhouse or a system of irrigation, or many other wonders. Its truly a magical ce. And there is whats called the Green Walk, a path carved through every plot that lets you visit those ces. If you are lucky, [Farmers] will also answer your questions and gift you a sample of their produce. Or you can hire [Guides] and go on a guided tour.
It does sound delightful.
Well, Elves are not so bad, are they?
By the way, arent Elves and nature very aligned? I ask.
What do you mean?
I mean, like, nature? nts, animals? [Druids]?
What? [Druids]? There are no [Druids] in the Kingdom of Lucerna, probably not in the entire world. The best is having some [Green Mages]. But no [Druids]. Those are the stuff of the legends. At this point, we even doubt they ever existed.
Fuck.
Oh.
Wait.
You wonder why am I swearing, right?
Ok, follow my thought process. Lets just rewind for a second.
What? [Druids]?
Yeah, Lucinda, [Druids]. Im pretty sure, Stanimal is one. But whatever. Maybe [Druids] are just not that popr?
There are no [Druids] in the Kingdom of Lucerna, probably not in the entire world.
Oh, wow. This sounds exactly like a line from some great quest in a videogame. And guess what, Stan might be a [Druid] I just rescued from the streets.
I think you are still not getting what Im saying, right?
Do you remember how I crossed the subway trains entrance to find myself into a huge treasury? Yeah? Ok, do you remember how then I touched one book and I got thrown into a dimensional portal or whatever? Right?
Oh, great.
So, again, follow my lead.
What happens when someone gets transmigrated into a new reality with a massively overpowered book, with a massively overpowered talent meets a [Druid] whom he brings out of homelessness?
Oh, wait because Lucinda also said.
Those are the stuff of the legends.
Yeah, yeah, I dont like video games as much as some other people, but I still yed them. And what, do you think just because I read the literature, which is anything before any American writer started writing, I cant read anything else?
Well, we both know what kind of books I read.
Its clear as the day. Or the sun. However the saying goes.
So, Stanimal is basically my main-story quest.
Fuck.
Sorry for swearing, but I can already see where this is going.
Oh, man.
Lady Luck, you are going to throw a massive wrench in my lifes gears, arent you?
I groan loudly.
You know, you might not think that its such a bad thing. Being a warrior, a pdin, a Hero, even, is something people covet. At least in principle.
One of the greatest poets of all times, Horatius, wrote to Maecenas, to justify writing less about poetry. And he says something beautiful to describe the plight of the hero in his case the poet, but we all know poets are self-entitled arrogant monstersparing themselves to heroes, pretty much like any other writer if you ask me. Anyway, to make it extremely simple, this guy, Horatius, says, this dude left his weapons in Herculess Temple and ran back to the countryside to avoid having to beg the crowd for mercy every time, hanging by the Arenas stands.
Paints a pretty picture, doesnt it?
Now, I have not a crowd to beg. I have Fate. And Fate is such a cruel mistress. Much crueler than humans themselves. My own personal Lady Luck.
I dont care about heroing around. I dont want to crawl from below a mountain of bodies, bloodied and battered, to find the crowd cheering at me.
Lucinda, I have to say, you are truly beautiful and a fantastic woman, I suddenly say. I dont know how much I have beside this wonderful Elf, but I should make the most of our time together.
She smiles sweetly and takes my hand while we walk toward the nearest entrance of the Green Walk.
You know, Joey, I think you would make a great [Mage], she says after a few minutes of silence.
Yeah, no thanks. I mean, Ill study magic. I just dont want any trouble. I can use magic to cook, I think.
I have never seen anyone do what you did yesterday, she says in whispers. Why dont you want to be a real [Mage], or even an Adventurer?
I mean, to be honest, sweetheart, Id rather not die killed by some humongous monsters. If I had my pick, Id rather die smothered by your humongousOUCH!
She kicks my leg and purses her lips.
If you want me to bring you with me, you better start behaving like a gentleman, she says with an ice-cold tone.
Sure thing, boss.
I like this attitude better, she says with acent smile.
Chapter 81: Fantasy
Chapter 81: Fantasy
The Gardens are something I cannot even describe.
So far, my adventure in this fantasy world has been very close to a medieval fair but smellier. Daily life is made of ordinary people with weird skills. Nothing has felt extremely special besides the pointy ears all around me and the higher percentage of hot girls.
But when I firstid eyes on a greenhouse where special roots grow, it left me speechless. Its a building entirely made of ss, fully transparent, with a spiral-like structure of long rectangr containers, thin and stretched, full of earth, with one long rooty nt in each. You can see the roots pushing against the ss in some ces, giving a very wormy feeling. The multitude of colors in the roots is exactly what you would expect from a ce of magic.
The ss helps to keep the roots warm. There are only special roots in this building, and it wasmissioned by Amorium fifty years ago. Its where the original Green Walk had started before they added new buildings and entry points. The ss is magical and enchanted to provide a higher density of Mana for the nts. Theres a crystal at the top of the building that can convert the sr rays to Mana. More than once, a thief has tried to steal it, but the ce is so heavily warded that its basically a little fortress.
Its breathtaking, I say with eyes wide.
It is, Lucinda says while getting a bit closer and leaning on my arm.
Its one of those buildings you could only find in a genius architecture students master project on Earth. Something extremely impractical but so beautiful, it would definitely earn him a full mark cumude. In Italy they have this thing called the academic kiss for the most honorable students. In this case, the person who designed this ce should get the academic make-out session.
Are those pirs levitating? I ask while looking at the inner ring of the ss.
Yes. The [Architect] was rumored to have reached level 60 before attempting this design. Its not asrge as other works, but its one of the most incredible, if not the one. Amorium is built on a ce of power, and the [Architect] studied the naturalposition of thendscape for an entire year before making this building. Legend has it hed juste out here and sat for hours and hours, staring at the ce. One day, someone asked why he wasnt taking any notes, making sketches, and so on. He replied that the building was slowly being shaped in his mind, that he was carving the ce out of the ground. One day, he sat up, took his pencil, and drew the full blueprint in one go, and right after, they started building it.
Wow.
Thats one Michngelo-like nutjob.
The [Councilmen] were so afraid of not recouping the costs that they pleaded the [Mayor] to stop the construction when they saw how much money was going into it. The [Mayor] refused and told them to shove it, Lucindaughed, story goes that the [Mayor] was one of the most stubborn people to ever walk down the streets of Amorium. Once they finished the ce, though, they started renting the containers for roots that no one else in the entire Kingdom could grow. It attracted the greatest [Gardeners], [Herbalists] and [Green Mages] from all Lucerna. It took ten years to finish it, and only a truly visionary man could have given his approval to something so long-term. Following his steps, other great buildings were constructed. But to this day, this building exemplifies how the people of Amorium should be. Long-term learning, not afraid to take risks. Every [Mayor] after that one kept the tradition, and even though some of the projects sunk, we still became one of the richest cities in Lucerna. Even the academy sends their [Alchemists] here to purchase the best goods. Before the war, there was a bigger poption of humans too.
While saying thest part, Lucinda shoots me a quick nce.
I do not miss it.
Im not part of whatever Humans you are fighting with if you are worried about that.
Id like to know more about your past, Joey, Lucinda said while looking at me.
My past is a bit weird, but Ill let you in on the secret soon. I just need time. Going back to this beautiful building, whats its name? while talking, I sneakily draw Lucinda even closer to me. We are basically cuddling in the middle of the street now, and some people are shooting unfriendly stares at me.
Its the Amor Vitrorum, she smiles. It means
Love of the ss, or sses, depending on if you mean ss as a general category or as individual parts, I say, almost in a trance.
You know Ancient Elven? she looks at me with surprise in her shining emerald-green eyes.
A word or two, I guess, I say while still staring into the distance at the magnificent building.
Chapter 82: Big
Chapter 82: Big
Demons? I ask.
Yeah, thats what Humans call us, Lucinda says with a mockingugh.
Well, you are one hell of a sexy Demon, in my books, I wink at her.
I really cant figure you out, Luciani. Some of us hate Humans, but you appear out of nowhere and even open a bakery here. You say you dont care about bing an [Archmage], but your magic seems even stronger than what your ss is supposed to be. On top of that, you can multi-cast.
Lucinda doesnt know the first thing about my magic, for now. And shes already amazed.
I didnt know about the Demon thing. But if it makes you feel better, Id always disliked Elves beforeing to Amorium and actually meeting them in person.
We are going back to the bakery after a romantic stroll through a part of the Gardens. It turns out they are much bigger than Central Park. I really dont know much about these Elves or the rest of this world. Now that I think about it, I dont even know the name of the continent!
Man, thats wild.
At some point, Ill have to learn more. Maybe even read some dreadful history books.
Whats the deal with history books, anyway?
Why dont people write fiction instead of history books?
If I want to learn about some stupid emperor from three thousand years ago, I might as well make it entertaining, right? I mean, just use the facts for the world-building and make up some of the characters personalities to create neat stories.
Dude, I swear, I would take that as a job.
A writer of fictional history books for schools.
Lets learn how Alexander the Great messed himself up with a massive amount of wine and women. Yeah, he could have died of typhoid fever too, but thats not a fun story.
Yeah, now I see why it wouldnt be ideal.
We would always go for the best stories, not real ones.
But would that be bad?
Would it be wrong to fake a better history than the one we had? I mean, at least in part.
Tell me a story where Alexander the Great conquers the world and exin to me why the administration of the cities was so important. Man, that would have been a tale, alright.
But think about it; our story is already pretty pathetic for most parts. Why not make it better?
But I guess thats why I love fiction, huh?
Achilles over Scipio, Odysseus over Themistocles.
Joey! I was talking to you! Lucinda identally brushes against my belly, and I jump in surprise.
Yo! No tickling, woman! I scream.
She goes wide-eyed for the umpteenth time today.
But then, an evil grin spreads over her face.
I do wonder why I keep telling people that I hate being tickled.
No, not even in bed.
Yeah, no.
No.
No.
NO.
Lucinda could do the most depraved thing she has in mind to me, and I wouldnt bat an eyelid. But if she even remotely tries to add tickling to our future bed routine. Oh, boy. Id run to the other side of the continent.
Lucinda, dont get any closer! I say with an outstretched palm meant to block her advance.
Aw, why not? You dont want a kiss?
You sneaky Elf! Your evil wiles will not work on me!
I will never be tickled! On my honor! On my dignity!
If you let me tickle you a little, Ill let you give me a little pinch, she says while licking her lips.
Well.
I mean.
Is being tickled such a big deal?
We are now going back to the bakery since I have some work to do, and Lucillus is probably wondering if someone has mugged me again.
I have to study all day, and then I have a shift at work, Joey.
Oh, dont worry. Ill probably work a bit then. I need to see what Stanimal brought back. No vacation, I guess, I say with a disappointed tone.
You worked one day, Joey, she says with a smile.
One day too much, I punctuate my words while shaking my finger in a teacher-like way.
Her golden-blonde hair sways in the air like a princess, and she slightly narrows her eyes at me.
Joey, can we discuss magic for a second?
The fated question is finally here.
I cant really tell her about the book, thats for sure. I love Lucinda deeply. Even if I dont know her that well. But I cant trust her with the book. Its too big of a temptation for someone like her. Maybe in the future, but not right now.
But now that I know she can be less of an asshole to the less fortunate, I wouldnt mind teaching her multi-casting. She would probably learn it on her own at some point. Ill just give her a head start.
If its about multi-casting, simul-casting, or whatever you call it, I can teach youter, I smile at her.
That would be great, Joey, but I was talking about something else. How did you do what you didst night?
Well, the roses and colors were a trick. Yeah, lets say a trick. The circling [Lights], the shedding, and the star-like ones above us, that was all me.
Huh, you used a scroll for the rest, so that exins a lot, Lucinda nodded.
A what?
Did she say, a scroll?
Like, that Naruto-stuff?
But how did you manage to make two [Lights] like that? They were huge. Matrixes have set limits, and once you try to make them bigger, they be harder and harder to manipte. A normal [Light] spell should get one foot big at most. You made two huge [Lights] that were almost as tall as you. And the shine they created was perfectly regted. Not even your ss can exin that.
Set limits?
One foot?
Well, isnt that a good question? I have no idea. My spellcasting is a bit weird. I dont really know why
Oh.
Wait.
Yeah, no. I do know why the matrixes cant get as big they want. Because the bigger it is, the more distant from the general exnation. That means that if you''re going to make a spell three sizes bigger than the ones you study in the books, you must carefully watch the changes in the matrix. And if you cant see the matrix properly, thats just impossible. Or at least bordering impossible.
Chapter 83: Stanimal
Chapter 83: Stanimal
After a short conversation about magic, I part ways with Lucinda. She has obligations to attend to, and I can see that Stanimal has got back.
Yo, Stanimal, I wave while entering my little bakery. I mean, not really little. And its not like size matters that much, right?
Joey! I bought a lot of supplies. I hope you do not mind this old man taking some liberties.
Nah, as long as you dont gamble on dog races or something like that, you can do whatever, I re a thumbs-up in his direction.
Is that a human gesture?
Oh yeah, right. It means its good, I say as I do the thumbs-up again.
Stan shoots a thumbs-up himself and nods at me.
So, what did we get? Did you buy awhat are those bags called again?
A bag of holding? he asks.
Yeah, that.
Oh, I have one. Dont worry about me. Money is best spent wisely, Stan looks at me with a deep gaze.
I know where this is going.
Joey, we need to talk, he says with a solemn tone.
Oh, no, Stanimal. Whatever you say, Im not going on a quest to save the world, [Druids], or whatever, I backpedal and raise my hands defensively. This is my project, the bakery. When Lucinda moves, Ill just keep baking close to her. Im not bing a hero or anything like that! Hell, if I have to fight you, I will, Stanimal!
The man looks at me with a frown, and for an instant, I can feel a profound aura engulfing the whole bakery. Its earthy, as deep as the roots of the Worlds Tree itself. Its a tidal wave of unimaginable proportions.
The next moment, the aura goes away.
Young man, Stan shakes his head, I wanted to talk about the ingredients Ive sourced because I found everything and even brought back some samples. But you seem to know things.
He starts petting the head of the giant dog, which never looked so big before.
I have a troubled past, Joey. I chose to live the rest of my life in peace, however long that is, and that was my n before I met a young Human who wanted me as his helper. Some people would eat their ears if they could see me now, ha! And you, the same Human who epted a ss shunned by most, the one who doesnt only possess magic far greater than these times allow, but who also offered a homeless person a job so well paid I could build a castle in a few years.
My whole body is paralyzed, absorbed in what the man is saying.
You Twice in my life, Ive been rescued by Humans. I dont know where youe from, Joey, but I can feel the pull this time. And before you ask, let me exin.
The man has gone deep into his monologue, and I have no intention of interrupting him. Especially because of the hungry gaze his hugepanion is giving me.
There is something about you. And its not the book youre hiding in your room. Nor is it the royal magical aptitude you own. Both things are almost unique. Almost. In the same way, the young girl feels attracted to you; you are a catalyst for things. If you are destined to be a [Baker] or something else, just let this old man see such a story with his own eyes before he expires. I am curious to know what wonders will happen around you. My past maye knocking at some point, but Im old enough to deal with anything Fate throws at me on my own.
So, I have to ask. Are you fine with having this old man keep youpany?
I look at him and slowly exhale.
Stanimal, man, get an apron. We gotta get bakin.
I shoot a wink at him.
And he winks back.
This should be the Coffee you mentioned, Stan shows me a few big red berries, and I nod. This, the Chocte.
He starts showing me other fruits and I nod again.
Man, Stanimal really knows his greens, huh.
I know what you are thinking.
Duh, hes some kind of a world-ending-strong [Druid], Joey.
Yeah, so what?
Cant a guy and his insanely strong friend have a little bakery situation going on? Whats it to you?
The process, as you described it, should take me a day or two if you let me use one of the rooms upstairs. Ill partition it and make sure we get the product as soon as possible, he says while stroking his silvery beard.
While he stands by my side, I realize just how tall the man is. Its insane. Hes basically a giant. He must be seven feet tall, almost eightmaybe eight or more. Ive never really met a person this tall, so its hard to judge.
He walked more hunched yesterday, didnt he?
I trust you, Stanimal. Ill have you taste one of the most delicious things in your life, I promise. Plus, I wanted to ask if you werefortable hiring more homeless people. Im not sure they wouldnt mug me and try to steal the money, but I guess you are enough to keep them at bay, right?
The man''s eyes get very sharp for a moment, and then he nods wisely.
You would be better off hiring aplished [Bakers]. With the kind of things you are pulling out of your sleeve, you could probably even get the top ones from Happy Bakery and the Three Roses.
Yeah, but they already have money. And we are going to make a boatload of gold with the [Adventurers], arent we? We have room, and for all I care, we could even rent the buildings adjacent to this one. We can probably house an army of homeless people. Plus, now that Ive got a girlfriend, it wouldnt do me good to have too many hot Elves around, would it?
Old Stanimal gives me a deepugh and a pat that almost throws me through the table.
Truly a fine young man! Be careful around that little [Mage] of yours; she has a bite to her.
Yo, Stanimal, less aptitude, more work. If we get coffee before tomorrow night, we will make a killing! Chop-chop, man! Lets get to it!
Chapter 84: Gaze
Chapter 84: Gaze
Joey, Antoninus is back. I told him you would probably need two guards for the ce, Lucillus says with the big Elf in tow.
Antoninus! Sure!
Huh, Lucillus told me you need security, and he got a contract for both of us, he says while scratching his head, slightly ufortable at the thought. Captain Drusillus was busy today. Hes been having many spats with the Adventurers Guildtely. But at least he didnt have any problems with our contracts.
Well, thats perfect! Iugh.
I dont really need the two of them after uncovering a part of Stans secret identity, but the more, the merrier. Plus, they can probably help intimidate adventurers. No one wants to mess with the Watch, I figure.
Plus, I need someone to help me partition this ce.
Thats not in our job description, Lucillus says with a frown. And you need to sign our contracts
Give them to Lucinda and tell her she can forge my signature. Or just sign her name. We are getting married at some point, so itll be the same.
Stan told me that you and Lucinda Lucillus cranes his neck forward in a suggestive manner.
Oh yeah, baby. Up top, I tell the man while raising my hand.
What? Lucillus looks at my hand.
p my hand like this, I say while high-fiving myself.
Humans, Lucillus grumbles as he gives me the high-five.
Antoninus! I shout with my hand still up.
The other Elf ps my hand so strongly I wince.
Well, now, Lucillus, you are next. Soon, I want to be Uncle to yours and minias children.
Antoninus looks with wide eyes at his mate.
So thats who you like! the burly guard exims.
Shut it, Lucillus looks ufortable.
Laying a hand on the huge guard in a conspiratorial manner, I speak with a lower voice.
See, Antoninus, you and I have a mission now. We must be uncles to beautiful Elven children; what do you say?
The beefy guy nods wisely and points a finger at Lucillus.
He has a really bad character. It would be a miracle if a woman took him. If minia takes him, he better get her pregnant as soon as possible to avoid her running away on the first asion.
Man, Antoninus is a st.
I like this crew.
Lucillus puts a hand on his sword and wrinkles his nose at us.
Illy you both to waste, I swear, you t-eared idiots.
Yeah, yeah, pal. Say whatever you want, but we are bing uncles, whether you like it or not!
Antoninus and I keep teasing the other guard until it looks like Lucillus may really draw his sword and run it through us.
Stan slowly steps down the stairs, looking at us with his kind and reserved demeanor.
Stan! Antoninus waves to the old Elf, who returns a slight nod. And Grigio!
Grigio?
The dog? Antoninus looks at me with a curious stare.
Oh, thats his name, I nod.
His name, Stan chimes in, followed by the huge dog thats now staring daggers at me.
Meh, whatever. Cats are better.
The dog sniffs at me with disdain, raising a humongous paw in a dismissive motion.
Even the dog has attitude here. Insane, I grab my hair, exasperated.
Eventually, the nightes, and Stan has already pulled a few homeless off the streets. I made them prepare the dough and scrub the kitchen clean. Its not much, but they do not have the manual dexterity for rolling the croissants. Ill have them practice tomorrow, but tonight Id rather prepare it myself. Im fast enough that it only took me two hours to prepare more than a thousand croissants. My arms feel like jelly, but dear Stanimal bought some stamina potions, and thats what Im currently sipping.
Sure, Id like to sip coffee more than this weird stuff, or maybe Id simply put a stamina potion in my coffee, in the same way my father used to put rum in his coffee. Or one of those weird Italian liqueurs, like Sambuca.
Anyway, I have four new helpers now, all former homeless men. It took me a little to learn all their names, but Im quite confident now. Stan watches them with the sharp eyes of a hawk, ready to pounce if they do something wrong.
At some point, though, I start feeling bad about the gaze the old Elf is shooting those people, and I go to talk to my new manager.
Yo, Stanimal. I think theyre scared of you; drop the gaze a bit before someone shits themselves. Even if they make a mistake or steal a couple of coins, its fine. This is their first day. We dont need perfection, ok?
The old man looks at me and then, curiously, at himself. He rxes his shoulders and slowly nods, as if he just went back to being the regr Stan that I met in Amorium.
Sorry, Joey.
Thats all he says, and its fine with me.
Not a problem, man. Ill fire up the ovens soon. Do we have any healing potions if someone gets burned? You bought a clock, but these people are probably not used to being around dangerously hot stuff. We need to time the ins and outs to avoid relying on stupid skills. By the way, great thinking, the clock, Iugh.
We have healing potions, and I have made a little unguent in case anyone gets a nasty burn. That should be enough. Hows our next producting along?
Tight, I smile sneakily.
If they loved croissants, they should be ready to be mind-blown soon because thats not the only European recipe I know.
Hehe.
Chapter 85: Donuts
Chapter 85: Donuts
My culture has something we call doughnuts, or donuts, depending on what you are mostfortable with, spelling-wise. Its a holed and fried circle of dough. You put a ze on it and, if you want, you can fill it too.
But today, its not about donuts.
Nope.
A doughnut is too doughy for my taste. Instead, while traveling around Italy and studying there, I discovered a simr pastryposition. The name of the pastry is extremely hard to trante to English while retaining the original meaning. Theplete spelling is bombolone, which roughly trantes to big tank as in fuel-tank. However, Italians often shorten it to bomba, which means bomb. The Austrians and the Germans have something very simr, the Krapfen.
Now, while the Krapfen is super simr to the donut, the bombolone is something Italian pastry chefs call pasta vuota, meaning empty dough. This is the opposite of the Krapfen, which they define as pasta piena or filled dough.
Why is that important?
Well, Austrian chefs and the obese American poption love how chonky a donut or a Krapfen are. But you cant really work on the inside of a donut in any meaningful way. I mean, if your culinary tastes are equivalent to the more, the better, sure, go ahead and fill your donut up. But in Italy, its more like the more, the worse, food-wise.
And when you juggle pastries all day, you dont want your clients to be overwhelmed. You want them to have a heavenly experience while still being able to walk through the door of your bakery every morning.
So, I am not bringing the donut into this world. Nope, sir. Im bringing the bombolone. Imagine a donut, without the ze and the hole. Its still fried, but it has way less doughy. This allows us to fill its tank.
I made some more jam with Stans help and my new assistants. They are all a bit shy, except for a guy thats been talking the whole time. That one is probably drunk. Well, Stan had them wash up thoroughly beforeing here. As long as the man doesnt puke anywhere or doesnt throw himself in the oven, its not a problem.
So, I start the oil in the pot, asking Lucillus to keep an eye on it. Boiling oil can kill if people are not careful. And these four are very much amateurs, for all I know.
Antoninus and Stan are setting up the stand outside while I check the proofing of the bomboloni. Singr, bombolone. Plural, bomboloni. Its like curriculum, and its plural, curric. Latin, not English, people. In this case, its the Italian plural. If you are wondering how to pronounce the word, its bomb-oh-loh-n-e. But the final e is pronounced like the e in set. Whereas the plural is pronounced in the same way, but the ending i sounds like sheep.
Stanimal, sell the bomboloni for five silvers each, I tell the man. And buy more leaves tomorrow. I dont think we have nearly enough.
The man looks at me with a contemtive expression.
Lets start the bomboloni at seven and the croissants at five silvers each. If they buy more than ten at once, Ill drop the price to four and five each. If they buy more than thirty, Ill make an even more special price. And if some of the inns Ive spoken with want some, Ill sell it to them for two silvers and four coppers.
What.
Stan talked to other inns? When did that happen?
Anyway, we have around a thousand croissants and three hundred bomboloni.
If my Stanimal managed to set up even more deals, we will make a veritable killing, money-wise. Tomorrow Ill probably have to show my two sponsors the recipes.
So, the night goes on. Its somewhere around twenty-five when the first clients start buying. And some of them are looking at our wares with curious eyes but detached interest. Those are inn-people who need to buy snacks for their clients. But our snacks are clearly overpriced in their eyes. Or at least until they see the adventurers scarfing down our products without a care in the world for the price.
Septimus, how much does an adventurer make a day? Those people have been throwing coins around as if their gold actually stank.
Septimus is this middle-aged man with a big, inted belly and many beauty marks on his face. Not really an image for the covers of beauty magazines. But he is also the mostposed after Stan.
Many quests are issued by towns or wealthy individuals. A silver team doesnt move for less than fifty golds a day. Or at least ten golds each.
Wow.
Risking your life really pays off here, huh?
I put another tray of croissants in the oven.
I want to talk with the [Chef]! a deep voice echoes from the outside. Its so strong it''s almost like it makes the walls tremble. Im intimidated to my core, but I also know its always better to avoid problems.
So, I quickly rub my hands in a bucket of water, still clumped with flour and slick with oil, and I go out to see whats happening.
Lucillus is talking to a man broader than life itself. He makes the other tall Elf look like a child. Hes probably as tall as Stan, but he has a massive body. Hes covered in chainmail from the neck down, and his face is dirty. Hes clearly been in a fight recently, but theres no wound on him.
How you doin, man? I say while side-stepping our little wooden stand.
You are the famous Human who made these treats? his voice is so deep its like itsing from the abyss.
Joey Luciani, the one and only, I fake some confidence while I stretch a hand to him.
He regards my outstretched limb with some curiosity before dropping the frown and popping arge smile on his humongous head.
Luciani, you must be a [Master Baker]. These treats are delicious. I would like to buy some to send back to my family in Prorium. Im Gaius Aemilius, and proud to have discovered your cooking before anyone else in my family.
Hearing the name, every other adventurer gave the titan a once-over. The name meant something to these people and something important at that.
Aemilius?
Wait a second.
Like the goddamn gens Aemilia?
Chapter 86: One Human Woman
Chapter 86: One Human Woman
While the huge man shakes my hand, Im thinking about two things:
First, my arm might soon detach from my body if he keeps this motion up.
Second, what the actualhow is it possible? Why does this person have the same name as one of the most famous if not the most famous gens of Ancient Rome?
Sadly, I cannot zoom out right now.
Gaius, you look like a bigd. Are you a Silver or a Gold adventurer? I ask, interested in knowing more about this person.
Still Silver. My family wanted to arrange things for me, but Im taking the proper course. I lead a team that I assembled myself, and today weve finally got to inspect the Dungeon they found in the mine. Its full of weird monsters, and we had to retreat. We will probably run a tactical analysis with other teams before diving back in. Plus, the Watch has been giving us some problems for the noise we make at night. But one of the miners discovered your bakery yesterday, saying itspletely new. I also have a Human with me; shes kind of screwed up in the head. But Ill introduce you to her. You know, Humans usually like each other. Right?
I must admit, this giant of an Elf is the chattiest brute I have ever met.
Sure, its always a pleasure to meet ady. Im just afraid I will not be able to entertain anything more than a conversation with her. See, I click my tongue automatically, I have a beautiful girlfriend, Gaius. I dont want to make her too jealous.
Oh, Luciani, heughs so deeply Im afraid he might start an earthquake. I have to tell Vilith you said so. Shes a
The line! someone shouts, covering whatever Gaius was exining.
We step out of the line, and I invite the huge Elf and a couple of his teammates inside my bakery. I like friendly people. And, you know, why shouldnt you be friendly to a guy who makes the mountain from Game of Thrones look like a toddler?
So yeah, Vilith is crazy as a bat. One of those, you know. Most of her people never leave their continent. But she wanted to know more. She swam all the way to the closest ind after hiking down the coast. Crazy, I tell you, absolutely crazy. Shes even stronger than me, I think.
Huh?
What?
A woman? Like, a Human woman is stronger than, I wave my arms up and down, theatrically pointing at him.
Yeah, shes crazy, his teammate chimes in from the side. You dont mess with those people. Trust me. We have been to jail more than once because no one believed she would challenge every single person who insulted her. Shes broken so many bones in the whole of Lucerna; we are always paying healer fees.
Well, thats one person I really dont want to know.
Gaius seems to see through my concerns.
Dont worry. Shes crazy, but she doesnt beat people up for no reason. Just dont make funny moves around her. She doesnt joke, and she doesnt care if her teammates try to restrain her. Once she goes for it, everyone is a target.
Well, people, why dont I give you some free samples from my bakery, and you keep the crazy woman from breaking my bones? I smile at them, attempting levity.
Everyone, including huge Gaius, goes pale.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
I know.
Shes behind me, isnt she?
Shes behind you, I hear Antoninus say as he chomps down on some weird fruit.
Did you insult me? I turn to a woman whos almost as tall as me, with a muscr definition that would make Serena Williams cry in despair.
Me? Oh, no, miss. We were jesting. They told me that you are an amazing fighter, and I was just offering them some free food in good humor. Would you fancy some pastry creations you never tried before?
Even though the woman is shorter than me, I get the sensation shes looking down on me. She scans the kitchen, freezing everyone sheys her eyes upon.
After a quick survey, she steps forward, inches from me.
I mean, she is not that hot. Shes normal. Quite in. And she has the crazy in her eyes. Oh, you dont know what the crazy is? Well, good luck with dating. Dont worry, one day you will understand what Im talking about.
I dont let Elves make fun of my people or me. Less so a non-warrior [Baker].
I mean, I know shes probably going to beat me up, but now I have to ask.
Wait, are there warrior [Bakers]?
She snorts and stretches her lips. It sort of looks like a smile. But its not a smile.
Licking her red lips, she grabs my shirt and brings me closer to her face.
Yes.
Joey!
Oh, for Gods sake.
St. Peter, what are you doing to me?
What is this, a Korean Drama?
I try to disentangle from the womans hands, but her grip is like steel.
Lucinda, she just wants to beat me up! I swear! I didnt flirt with her!
My blonde girlfriendes with Clodia and Amelia in tow. Woah. Yeah, no time to borate about that, though. I dont know who will do the honors, but I have the distinct sensation Im getting a beating tonight.
You! Take that filthy hand off him! Lucinda materializes her [Sr Whip] out of thin air.
Lucinda, dont escte it! There are civilians here! I shout immediately.
Yeah, Im the civilian! For Petes sake!
Vilith, the mysterious and dangerous woman, turns her head to Lucinda with movements that resemble an owl.
Im not interested in a spineless [Baker]. I was just checking if he had the guts to admit his insult.
Young woman, Stan walks slowly to Vilith and puts a palm on her shoulder. You do belong to the proud people, but avoid causing trouble just because your team couldnt dive through the Dungeon at the first attempt. I am the manager of this ce, and I think you just overstayed your wee.
The air immediately chilled in the bakery.
The woman looked at Stan with murder in her eyes.
Chapter 87: Spillage
Chapter 87: Spige
Vilith has left.
My own [Druid] has somehow convinced her to leave.
Stanimal, you are getting a raise, I tell the old man while shooting a look at the table where the giant Elf and his other teammates are now sitting.
The ______ are insane people, theyve always been so fixated with bing [Heroes] and whatnot, Stan says but a mug crashing on the ground covers part of what he just said.
Yeah, yeah, I nod at him and excuse myself right after.
Lucinda, I say to my woman with a bright smile.
Shes now staring at me.
That woman was crazy! I swear! I have nothing to hide! You can even truth stone me! I tell her with my hands in the air.
No truth stones in personal matters, Joey, she says with her eyes narrowed.
Look, I tell the beautiful and talented blonde Elf, why should I go with that in broomstick? You are gorgeous, and Im sure we can
She suddenly erupts in a fit of giggles.
Huh?
Im not jealous, you t-eared dummy, she keepsughing while shaking her head.
What? Were you messing with me? I stare wide-mouthed.
You bet, she winks at me with mischief.
Oh, you, I scrunch my face in mock-anger.
This little vixen.
Listen, Joey, her expression goes softer.
There is still some awkwardness between us. Its clear that this rtionship, whatever the form, is very green, and it will take time before it goes anywhere.
I spent a lot of time thinking about you today, she says with a sad smile, I missed you. You are weirdly entertaining for a Human.
Talk about a backhandedpliment. How was work and studying magic? I ask, ignoring for a moment my duties in the bakery. Its prettyte, now that I think about it. Howte still eludes me. This worlds hour system is truly messed up.
You distracted methinking about what you did, Lucinda rambles a bit beforeughing it off. I can see that it does needle her, though.
Augustus said hes going toe this wayter. He wants to congratte you, apparently, she wrinkles her nose before going, you men.
Even though she instantly moved on, I didnt miss the problem with what she said. She doesnt like being distracted by me, does she? Knowing Lucinda, shes all about putting in the hard work. I dont think I should feel ted about her being so distracted.
Hey, Lucinda, I have some work to do now, and I can see Clodia and Amelia looking at me. I think you need to rest and go home. I dont want toe between you and your duties, I say with an apologetic smile.
I tell her that I must work so she can feel better about leaving and going home, but I think I miscalcted. In fact, theres now a dark frown on her face.
Oh, shoot.
She came all this way, and I just dismissed her, didnt I?
On a second thought, I say immediately, grabbing her arm, why dont you stay as long as you want? I can even close the ce down if you want. I dont care. Stan! Lets close up! I shout to my manager.
He slowly walks in from the outside stand with a surprised expression.
Is something wrong? he asks.
No, Stan, Lucinda interrupts the question. Its just Joey being an idiot. Keep working. This ce is not closing until he has done all the work that needs to be done.
She then stabs me with her eyes and slowly speaks.
Joey, I came here because I wanted to spend time with you. After wasting time just thinking about that idiot that I kissed, is it too much to ask not to be sent away like that?
Man, Im such an idiot.
No, no. Nothing wrong with that. Please, would you keep mepany while I bake? We can even talk about magic and other stuff, ok?
She sees how desperate I am after realizing my own mistake, and she sighs.
Its fine. Im just not in the best mood. Im not used to this, she moves two of her fingers between us.
Its not like Im used to a fantasy rtionship with an Elf. Ive never yed those kinds of games if you know what I mean.
We settle in a mellow rhythm, with her looking at my smooth motions as I cook. Frying and baking are not easy things to juggle. You have to time it right, in the same way as ying cards is not just ying cards. You need to count how many cards are out or in the game. Its about timing.
But Ive danced this dance long enough to be able to talk to Lucinda fairly easily.
Ive heard the adventurers and the Watch had some problems, I say.
Captain Drusillus is warmer to adventurerspared to your average Watch [Captain], but the mans still part of the Watch. Dungeons create many problems, especially when they are this close to the city. If I had to guess, Captain Drusillus is probably going to enforce some rules to avoid having monster spige.
Monster what?
Spige. Its a Dungeoneering term. It means that you get the monsters out, and they follow you back to where you came from. It can get ugly. If the Dungeon is strong enough, it can raze a city to the ground. And when that happens, the city itself will slowly turn into a paradise for monster-breeding. So, Captain Drusillus is making sure they follow protocol. No adventurer really does it. They prefer doing things their way and then begging for forgiveness, rather than asking for permission.
Huh.
Thats interesting.
Update!
Update!
Hello!
I''m not sure I have ever posted an ''update'' chapter on Casual Heroing so far.
I wanted to stack some news together in order to avoid cluttering my next author''s note. I''ll try to be brief.- Rewriting. I have already talked with a few publishing houses about Casual Heroing. I have received interesting offers that so far I have refused. However, this prompted me to think more about publishing the first volume as a whole and about the whole series. Some parts of Casual Heroing werezily written, I think, and I''ll be rewriting them as soon as I can organize a proper working schedule with my editor. I''ll keep a changelog if possible and share it with all of you.
- Newsletter! I''m gathering emails to make it simpler for me to reach out to readers. So far, it''s been very helpful in monitoring the beta-reader activity for one of the new novels I''ve been working on. Also, it''s a nice way of sharing exclusive content with readers. If you are interested, you can sign up here. All those who sign up will receive the cover reveal for the two novels I''ve been working on. Also, I''ll be sharing some stuff from my...
- Blog! Yay! It''s currently empty, but I''ve finally put to use a domain I bought ages ago. I''ll use my little blog to avoid making bloated author notes. I''ll be writing about web novels, even posting a few reviews on stuff I liked or not. You can find the blog here!
! Or simply subscribe to the newsletter where I''ll be sharing some of the articles I write!
- Reviews? I noticed a few people updating their reviews with lowered scores. Themon denominator seemed to be ck of an actual story.'' Now, I would have understood that ten or twenty chapters ago. But now? It seems a bit weird. The story is moving, and it''s starting to move fast. But whatever. If you are enjoying the story and have not left a review yet, a nice review would really help bring this story in front of more people!
- Writing. I''m experimenting a lottely and I think it has definitely benefitted thetest chapters. I''m trying to avoid thinking in terms of chapters and, instead, aiming for a more arc-wide narrative. I''ve noticed that, especially in volume 1, there are some chapters that break the narrative flow. I do think that some are wrongly criticized, but others are indeed not the best. For the old ones, I''ll see what I can do with my editor. If I end up rewriting, enriching the story, I''ll tell you. But for the future, I''ll be writing in batches. That means that Patrons, as I already announced up there, get sparser updates, but even more chapters. So far, this new approach has led me to write more than 2 chapters per day on average. If that''s not an even greater reason to subscribe to Patreon, I don''t what is. Anyway, I''m saying this because I''m looking after the story''s quality. Casual Heroing keeps growing in revenue and readers, but it''s my mission to make it so that quality follows along with those two numbers.
- New Novels. I''m still adjusting. Both stories (and the third) have been sketched out. But I have yet to feel that quid about them. I got some good beta reading feedback, but I have now many things to consider and I''ll probably push the release date further down the road. I want both a fatter backlog on hand and a clearer direction. I''ll be taking my time, basically. Also, I''m not sure I''ll be publishing them on RR. I''ll decide as I go. I''ll make them avable on Patreon, but they may end up on KU. At least one of them, the other is probably going on RR. We''ll see. I''ll give further updates maybe in blog posts.
- Shoutout. As thest point, I was reading a couple of chapters of a nice story yesterday and I noticed it has barely a couple of followers. The story''s ''The Aftermath,'' and it has an interesting plot. Read its synopsis and if you like it, give it a read and leave a follow for it! Maybe even a review! (And be nice!)
With that being said, I hope you have a nice Sunday! I''ll post the chapter in around three hours from now! I might have missed something, in which case you''ll get an
Chapter 88: Homework Help
Chapter 88: Homework Help
Caring about someone is not easy. There are many moving parts that one has to ount for. You cant force the person you are upon someone else. Everyones different.
One of the biggest problems Ive found in my life is a lifestyle change someone else has tried to force on me. You know something about me by now, dont you? I mean, you know what I want to be, how I want to conduct myself. Fame, money, power all those things are nothing. I dont mind having more money than I can spend, but Id rather see someone happy around me than have one more penny in my life. I try, but I dont always seed. Ive made my fair share of mistakes, ruining someone elses happiness every now and then. But you cant seed if you dont make mistakes, right?
My hand still trembles a bit before knocking.
Why?
Well, I dont want to make Lucinda unhappy. When shes with me while I bake, even just keeping mepany as I do a menial task, I feel in the right ce. I feel like I belong by her side. Its as if she had clearer air for me to breathe. But I know I messed up her schedule.
This past week has been a st for me.
Im making a boatload of money thanks to my recipes and my dear Stanimal. Ive taught some stuff to the two other bakeries and had the possibility to spend more time with people Im starting to view more and more as dear friends.
Even Gaius, the massive adventurer, has been spending the nights drinking and eating at my ce. His team has a special pass to use the tables and chairs inside the bakery. I dont even know if we are charging them or not, to be honest. I leave that to my Stanimal. I love that old man so much. Hopefully, I wont be roped in any legendary quests because of him, though.
But nownow its time I do something for the woman whos been giving me the happiness Ive always craved for.
How can I exin love to you? How can I exin my love?
minia and Cami make fun of me because they dont understand why Im so taken with Lucinda. On a level, not even I can understand whats happening.
But how can you exin to the world when something feels so right, so perfect?
I dont have the words or the skills to aplish such a task.
How do creatives find their inspiration for their great works?
Did Michngelo manage to tell people where his statuese from? Did Mozart manage to tell people why his music was what it was?
Am I getting ridiculous here?
Maybe, maybe a bit.
But I love in this stupidly ridiculous way. Take it up with me.
Well, lets knock.
Whos there?
The biggest hunk in the city, the most beautiful Human youll ever meet, the bane of Elven pu--
The door opens mming to the wall.
I smile and sh my signature wink.
What are you doing here? Im studying!
Clicking my tongue and crossing my arms, I try to assume the stance of an old and wise master.
Well, honeypot, Im here to help you study!
See, I dont know if you remember, but I have 529 stupid Cantrips to learn, and guess what happened after two days ofzing around?
Yeah, I got zapped.
Stupi--
Lets not say it. Or think it. Im getting paranoid, maybe, but Im starting to think that the book might hear my thoughts.
Joey, I have no time to fool around. The academy ces students in sses based on our proficiency and the general assessment they run us through in the first few days. I dont want to be grouped with idiots.
And you think a stupid assessment can stop this big piece of American-Italian meat? HA! Think again, honey-badger!
Honey-badger? she looks confused by the word.
Oh, its a nasty-ass animal thats not scared of nothing and no one. It can kill muchrger beasts than itself because its as mad as they get.
And Im supposed to be that? my lovely blonde Elf takes on a scary-angry visage that would have me running on any other asion.
This time, however, Im here to help. Really help.
Come on, show me what you are working on! I drag my girlfriend inside and shut the door behind me.
Her apartment is
Messy.
Woah.
No angry-girlfriend-has-cute-apartment romp? Disappointing.
I mean, its also true that its hard to find pink furniture, teddy bears, and whatnot in medieval times.
We have not talked much about magic since we have been together, but Im sure she knows that Im getting good at it. If it were not for the stup--insistent book, I would have probably learned some cool magic already.
Joey! I really need to--
Listen, I say sternly, listen to me for a second. I think I have randomly discovered a better way to do magic. Even if you cant see what I see, I can teach you about vector theory and prity. You can probably make a fireball go off at three times its normal speed. Hell, you could lecture an [Archmage] about it!
She recoils and looks at me, stunned.
Joey, in the name of all eternal forests, what are you rambling about?
Lucinda, you are losing time because of me. Why dont you let me tell you about real magic? You are moving [Lights] with your own Mana, but you can influence the matrix in a way that it will be able to move on its own!
She looks at me with her eyebrows locked.
What you are talking about is impossible. Matrixes can only be moved when the original spell contains a movementponent. Are you suggesting you can add movingponents? she looks at me, disappointed.
Oh yeah, you superimpose anti-matrixes on it to regte it. Use the starting points in a way it creates movement
I exin my practices and theories, making her see my way of doing magic and what the book has taught me so far.
I even exin the multi-casting without batting an eyelid.
Hours go by, and I even help her when she shows me a third-tier spell. I cannot learn it because the book would zap me, but I can help her think it through, try to make her understand how I would approach the problem.
We go on until its time for me to go back to the bakery, but Lucinda is in tears by then.
Shes apologizing for treating me so badly when she saw me, and shes telling me that all of this is ground-breaking and that she has no idea how to repay me.
I love you, and thats all I need.
Chapter 89: Gone
Chapter 89: Gone
Do you ever think, I just peaked; this is it; I cant do better than this?
Yesterday, while I spent my time with Lucinda, making myself useful and helping her with magic, thats how I felt. I felt on top of the world. The look in her eyes told me that her admiration had just be boundless. Its a wonderful feeling, being useful. Its also great knowing she will be able to use most of what I exined to her to be a better [Mage]. Now, I dont want to sound smug, but I think Lucindas actually a pretty nice person, isnt she?
Im not sure whether she will use her magic powers selflessly, but Im certain she wont use them for anything bad.
Im just a bit tired, honestly. Shes very smart, but I think she only understood parts of what I was saying. When she tried to replicate it, it came out better than her initial attempts, but not even close to what it should have been. Its probably going to take more exining until she can understand the principle of physics that I was taught. All in all, I hope she will seed, whatever she wants to do. And after yesterday, Im also sure she will want me to be by her side at the academy.
Man, maybe I could even study some of the stuff they do there. I wouldnt mind too much, honestly.
It was truly the best choice I could make teaching her, I mean.
Now, we share a deeper bond, something greater than life itself.
I slept in my apartment today and paid the rent to a suspicious Agostina. Nothing can chip my mood, though, nothing.
As I skip steps toward the bakery, I see my new staff cleaning up the ce under Stans supervision.
As soon as he looks at me, a rueful smile appears on his face.
Young man, he nods with a formal attitude, unlike his usual casual demeanor.
How you doin, Stanimal? Whats up, whats with the long face?
Joey, the man said with a pained expression.
Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, tell me its not happening, please.
Lucinda left for the academy. She brought a letter for you.
I freeze.
Theres really not much more for me to do.
Do you remember when I hesitated about sharing my knowledge with her?
And why did I do it?
Because she acted like a selfish prick.
I nod at Stan and take the letter from him. I go inside, sit at a table, and start reading whatever shes left me.
Dear Joey,
Im sorry about my sudden departure, but I never imagined your understanding of magic could be so profound. Do not misunderstand me; I do care about you, but these findings will propel me to the top of the academy in no time. Ive already contacted an [Archmage] to be his apprentice. Ill share parts of what you told me and other parts Ill keep for myself. This is just too big to keep calm. I need to practice, to change the magic world with this knowledge.
I wasnt trying to con you into giving me your secrets, and Im sorry if you think that. I just realized how little you value your own knowledge and that it would probably die with you. Im sorry, but I cannot allow that. This magic can literally change the world, the whole understanding of how we do things.
Even if you got it through a stroke of luck, it would be a crime not to follow up and make it bigger and better, Joey. Yesterday, I realized we belong to different worlds and that we are not fit to be together.
Again, Im sorry about all of this. Ill make sure topensate you for your knowledge in the future.
Keep up the good work; you have a kind heart.
Lucinda
I inhale until I can feel my lungs about to burst, and then I slowly exhale.
The amount of bull in this letter is astronomical. As soon as she found something that would give her an edge, she ran away.
In anger, a passing thought tells me that at least I didnt exin everything to her. Even my anti-matrix theory was just sketched for her. And Ipletely left out my new findings about vector spaces. I even noticed that the dispersion of magic could probably be analyzed through a Fourier analysis.
There were so many things I wanted to tell Lucinda before this.
My attention snaps back to reality when a huge furry pawnds on my thigh.
The dog growls something at me.
Grigio.
Yeah, I know, I know, I tell the dog thats never approached me before. Some women are mean, Grigio. You are not, right? Arent you a good boy? I scratch him behind his ears while he nods solemnly.
Power is everything, Joey, I hear Stans voice while I try not to let the world crush me into a paste. Right now, the only footholds for my mental sanity are this massive dog and my dear Stanimal.
Im sorry, but I used a little trick to read the letter before it got to you. You were tricked. Most of what is inside that thing is untrue. She was after your knowledge, young man. And you have fallen into her trap.
I nod. Why do I nod? I mean, theres really nothing else for me to do.
Yep, I click my tongue. It is what it is.
Now what? Stan asks.
Im not in the mood to burn down the stupid academy, Stanimal. So, I guess we are doing nothing. Shes got something. Shes got apart of what Im studying on my own, there is definitely some venom in my words, some spite for all [Mages] of her kind. And I was going to give her even more. She ran away, crippled her own profit. Even in her shrewdness, she failed. She should have waited a month or two, chain me up in a fucking basement. That would have done the trick. If you must be a piece of crap, better do it right than half-ass it. Once you go dark, might as well go the darkest.
I see Stan raising an eyebrow.
I did not expect such amentary, Joey. But, s, it is true. Shes just a kid that should make you feel better. She got a shiny toy but didnt even consider for a second that the toymaker could have been hers.
Yeah, Im so lucky, huh?
Some anger courses through my veins while I try to rein it in. This is the kind of thing that makes me lose control, that makes me a person Im not.
If her teacher starts probing about this knowledge, someone might actuallye to kidnap you. You are a Human and one without many ties in themunity. If you went missing, no one could do anything. You are at risk. Lucinda might be just an ambitious kid, Joey. But [Archmages] dont y around. Whats your n?
I slowly stand up, shing two smiles. One is for Grigio, the dear boy who came to keep mepany. The other is for Stanimal, who is obviously worried about my future.
If any [Archmages]e to me, Stanimal, I say in a whisper while leaning towards the tall, silvery Elf, Ill snap their piss-poor magic in half.
Angry, I go upstairs to practice my own magic.
I know I shouldnt be motivated by conflict and these negative emotions. But I need to distract myself somehow.
I hear Stan mumble something, but I cant make out the exact words.
Chapter 90: Stripper
Chapter 90: Stripper
I calmly close the door of my room, taking care not to m it. Im not a fan of taking my anger out on things or people.
And Im still not done processing.
So, lets do a recap, shall we?
Lucinda just conned me out of my magical knowledge and ran away on the first asion without even facing me. Yeah, that sums it up.
My body spasms in anger, making me twist a little.
Goddamn, I whisper as my face writhes in anger.
How could I be so blind?
Taking a deep breath, Iy down on the bed.
I think my biggest mistake has been moving things too fast. I should have just waited to make sure her feelings were real. But no, I have to force myself to believe that most people dont have ulterior motives and just act nice.
Well, its all on me, I admit.
Theres really not much more I can say.
I was blind, stupid, and I trusted her.
Plus, I wanted to impress Lucinda, to have her look at me with her jaw ck.
Now, all that love is turning into ake of jet-ck anger.
I dont resent Lucinda. No, its bigger than that.
I resent life.
Shes just ying the game, being the person she needs to be to win this rat race.
So
So what?
Whats up now?
What do I do?
Revenge is not my style, thats for sure.
I have no intention of mingling with her again.
Do I need an exnation from her?
No. I might be an idiot, but not that much of an idiot.
She took advantage of me, in and simple.
I mean, should I make an effort to quantify my stupidity? Should I make a scale from one to young whippersnapper?
Lying on my bed, I start drifting in my own stream of consciousness.
See, I get angry in weird ways.
Something in my psyche makes me go full-mad when someone mentions my mother. I dont know why. Its just there. Its like a hair-trigger. I cant do much to prevent that.
This brand of anger, though, is different. Why? Well, the worst is that I did see thising. I mean, I could have expected it. So, Im not shocked. Im disappointed. My head loves making up different scenarios where I fail, where I get betrayed, and so on. I mean, I am unlucky. And a part of me is always on the better safe than sorry train.
And I hate it.
How the hell do people in verypetitive jobs even enjoy life? How do you go on with your day if you have to constantly look over your shoulder, knowing that the next person could stab you right after smiling at you? What kind of dreadful life is that?
I remember this woman I went out with. She was a bit older than me and working at aw firm. Yeah, yeah. Why did I date so many girls in thew business? Well, they have that domineering aura about them. If you know, you know. Trust me.
Anyway, once she told me something that stuck with me for life.
It was something along these lines:
You know, when I started working in the firm, I was truly terrified. I imagined all the ways they would exploit us, treat us like ves, and God only knows what. But then, nine out of ten people turned out to be so nice. I mean, not nice as in kindergarten-teacher nice but much better than I even dared to think. And you know what? I realized I was expecting them to treat me like nothing because thats how I would have acted.
When I proceeded to ask if she had learned her lesson and started treating people better, I just got a bigugh as a response. She was extremely proud of being known as the bitch of the office.
Pure madness.
Maybe I should just remain celibate for the rest of my
Yeah, no. Im not doing that.
I hear a knocking sound.
Joey, would you mind if I came in? Stans voice came through the wooden door.
Sure, Stanimal.
I prop myself up on the bed with my hands.
Young lovers often do foolish things, he says while Grigio jumps on my bed, instantly upying the vast majority of it. Bitterness is natural.
Yo, Stanimal. Im not bitter. I mean, maybe a little. But Im mostly clueless. I try to trust people all the time. Man, for all I know, you could murder me in my sleep, right? Instead, I chose to trust you. But what happens when someone does stab me in the back after I trusted the wrong person?
The old man crouches down to Grigio, patting the dog with a weary expression. For some reason, Stan looks much older than usual at this moment.
You just choose who to trust. Its that simple. You cant trust everyone. But you also cant trust no one. I could have chosen not to trust you. But I did. And Ive yet to be disappointed with the young man in front of me.
I give Stan a long look.
I have to be honest, I was expecting more wisdom, Stanimal. More cool words. I dont know, something like catharsis? Maybe resilient? Ill have to give a four out of ten to your speech. Maybe even a three.
The old man responds with a heartyugh.
Better be angry with this old bag of bones than with your young lover, Joey. She was a fool. But now, why dont you go down? I prepared a surprise for you.
Is it a stripper? I say, perking up.
A what? the old man looks confused.
A female who strips for you and dances on yourp?
Oh, no. I just called minia, Cami, and Lucillus.
Meh, Stanimal. Two out of ten. Really.
I wink at him and go down.
Thank you, Stanimal.
Thank you.
Chapter 91: Heroing
Chapter 91: Heroing
If you want me to, Joey, Ill murder the bitch, Cami says with contempt.
We could put her in an oven and slowly raise the temperature, minia suggests.
I have one girl per side, and they act as my moral support. Or as my killer mercenaries, as things currently stand.
If there is one thing I always loved about girls, its the kind of free hate they can dispense at a moments notice. Men are more honest and too dull to appreciate this quality. See, when a woman breaks up with someone, it doesnt really matter who the man is; thats because her friends will tear him apart with words. Females are weird packs. They often stab each other, but they can also be nastier than anyone else when ites to protecting one of their own.
While men say stuff like yeah, dude, now you can bang that other chick!, women are more like that piece of garbage is a waste of space and oxygen. Hes aplete failure, a useless human being who should not be allowed to liveno, who shouldnt be allowed to exist!
And thats the first part of an entire novel women write about their friends exes.
I bet she likes to perform scandalous acts in public while stuffing her mouth with raw steaks, with meat juices trickling down to her dirty
minia and I look at a stream of terrifying profanitiesing out of Camis mouth. Not even the filthiest sailor could conjure the images that Camis ingraining in my mind now.
After an hour, Im feeling much better.
Stan sent a couple of people to fetch the two girls and, apparently, exined what had gone down. He glossed over the details of me having world-changing magic, but he gave them a pretty good picture.
Lucinda had left.
And now, Im single again.
Single.
Its usually a refreshing feeling, you know?
It doesnt matter if you areing out of a long or a short rtionship; when you break up with someone, a part of you is relieved. Why? Well, because you have new opportunities, obviously. Why wouldnt you be at least a little excited? It doesnt make sense that you wouldnt be. But now, see, its different.
Im not really looking forward to my future.
Not that much.
Why?
Well, I got screwed over.
But on the other hand, dont we always risk getting screwed over?
Like, whats the alternative?
Iugh to myself while the others look at me, uprehending.
Its nice.
Its nice having friends.
Its nice being in a fantasy world where my main worry is someone breaking my heart. And not my neck.
Its nice knowing that these people care, that they all came here, ignored their work, and just keep me warm. I dont care about relics, about levels, about adventures, and all of that mumbo-jumbo. No, I care about these people, about my love life, about my rtionships.
Thank you for being here, I tell both with just a little bit of tears in my eyes.
Im moved, what can I say?
They start outright bawling when they see me like that.
You know, you wouldnt imagine these two crying. I mean, Cami is crazy. Like, batshit crazy. minia is very business-like and mature.
But we are all having a good ol cry-out while our noses run, and we hug.
Yeah, thats pretty much how it goes.
It might sound strange that people do this, but if you have ever been around enough women, there are always some that behave like this.
Its about the moment.
See, women are all about moments.
The next day, they might hate each other for whatever reason, but they have moments that men rarely have.
Why is that?
Men are averse to certain disys of affection. Women are not.
Also, men are much less emotional, on average.
So, while we have a good cry, as you do, I thank God I ended up with good friends. Yeah, I know, Im repeating myself. But I feel theres a time when you have to repeat yourself a little.
Because this is no time for swords, Dragons, or [Heroes], this is a time for one of those moments when you cry, and you cry. And thats pretty much it. Then you have somefort food, watch a nice soapy film or read a Russian book. Russian books are good for everything, whether curing a heartbreak or nning a vengeful homicide.
See, this is how I like to think my story had begun.
Crying a little over a broken heart.
Not with the book. Not with discovering my talent.
Nah.
Its about the little things.
The casual things.
I like casual.
I dont like legendary.
And I like how I spent the next two months simply baking.
Yeah, sure, I also practiced my Cantrips. Mostly because I didnt want to be zapped to death.
I taught Clodia and Cami five recipes each. But thats another story. Well talk about that in the future. For now, we have seen enough baking.
What I did not expect to see, instead, was heroing.
Not heroing as in injecting heroine, obviously. Thats a good dad joke; jot it down.
But yeah, I spent two months just working a little, hanging out with the girls, with Lucillus and Antoninus, and managing this golden goose.
Some people have started copying my recipes, but I have the name. Home-Bakery is where you want to be when you and your adventurer friends need somefort food.
Because yes, even adventurers needfort food.
And when the most famous Silver ranked team is close with you, who would try to mess with you?
And you can sit outside or make friends with the weird Human who owns the ce. Oh yeah, by the way, Stan made me buy a whole lot of houses around here. I dont know how much money we have, but my Stanimal seems to think they are enough to Donald Trump our way through this neighborhood.
Now, I said I wasnt expecting any heroing, right?
Yeah.
I wasnt.
And I am not ready.
But you know what?
Right when you think that everything is going smoothly and that your life is finally something not worth a note, goddamn Lady Luck guess what dumps a massive headache in myp.
Shoot.
Chapter 92: Armed
Chapter 92: Armed
What do you mean? I stare ck-jawed at Lucillus.
The Mine copsed, and Gaiuss team is stuck in the Dungeon. They are going to die, Lucillus said darkly.
What?! Why?! Cant other adventurers go help? I look at Lucillus, bewildered.
Its not that simple. Gaius copsed the Dungeon himself. Theres a risk of spige. Apparently, they found a spawn monster. Its a creature that can easily spawn hundreds of minor monsters over a few days. And thats ssified as a problem. If the monster got loose, hordes of monsters could easily swarm the city. Captain Drusillus said if anyone tries to rescue them, they will be court-martialed.
What? Isnt the court-martial only for the military?
No, Joey. If a civilian creates risk at the city level, they will be executed. And thats because ourws consider infringing thesews as treason. And traitors are subject to militaryws. So, no adventurer is going to rescue Gaius and his team. Plus, Gaius knows very well that after all the mess the adventurers have made, they will not be rescued. Captain Drusillus will not put anyone at risk to save them. Dungeons like the one in the mine need air and energy. My best guess is that Captain Drusillus is going to call in experts to seal the ce shut and cut out any external environmental Mana.
You know, I dont like to swear.
I really dont.
But.
FUCK.
Are you saying there is nothing we can do to save Gaius? I say with a dismayed face.
I know stories about the monsters inside that stupid Dungeon. Apparently, theye out of dark sacks on the walls; they are pitch ck and simr to dogs, just with huge maws and two-wed legs.
Oh, man.
Oh, God.
Oh, for Gods sake.
I know where this is going.
Well, it is what is, Lucillus, I say with a hint of urgency, I need to have a chat with Stan about the raw materials for my recipes, you know
I start running upstairs.
This would be the story of how we got chocte and coffee and how I probably ate too much of both, but, again, more important stuff is in the way.
Stan! I bang on the door where some of the coffee is kept.
Stan! Open the door! I bang again, stronger.
The man looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
Hes probably never seen me like this.
Stan, I need your help. Gaius and his team are trapped in the Dungeon. We both know you are freakishly strong. Can you save them?
Stan strokes his silver beard and exhales.
I can, Joey. But I wont. I dont meddle with higher powers. This bakery is as much of the world as I can take.
Are you goddamn joking? I seize the man by the arms. They are sinewy but hard as steel. Stan, these people are going to die! Goddammit! Are you out of your mind?!
And you will be executed if you try to help them, young man, Stan says with a sad smile.
Jesus! Stan, Im sure no one can do shit to you! Please!
Stan silently puts my arms down and gestures for me to follow him into my room. He sits tiredly on a chair, and Grigio sits at his feet.
Joey, its going to be very hard for me to exin and for you to understand. If you want me to, I will leave this ce. But my role has always been the meddler, ok? You could say it was my official job description. And it ruined me. I dont meddle in mortal affairs anymore. People die, people suffer. And thats how everything works. Ive refused to further help my family, and I assure you they are much more convincing than you. I renounced everything in exchange for peace. I just want to live myst years without causing any more trouble. Can you understand? And dont worry, if you cant, Ill just leave
Theres pain in Stans voice. Even an idiot like me can see some of the suffering this man has gone through.
Its fine, Stanimal, I go up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Its fine. Dont worry.
We exchange a meaningful stare, and I just say:
Remind me where you put the anti-theft equipment you bought, please.
You can only chug three or more Mana potions before you feel extremely sick. That is if your talent sucks. Some people can drink four to five potions. Others, like me, can drink ten.
First, is this going to be enough to keep me alive?
I dont think so.
But it is what it is.
Second, why?
Something to do with my talent.
When I asked the book, I discovered that if the Mana potions were totally pure, I could drink guess how many.
Yeah, twenty-three.
Stupid, weird number.
So, Im donning some protective gear. Stanimal bought a lot of this stuff in case we ever got into a serious spat with adventurers without him.
Now, I stocked up on potions of every kind.
And while Im in our warehouse under the bakery, I hear footsteps approaching.
From the top of the stairs, I see a weary Stanimal smiling like a worried grandpa.
Take these two, Stan throws arge wand made of steel and an amulet. But dont keep them in the open.
The wand is a catalyst. It will help with magic and has a [Haste] enchantment on top of it. The amulet creates a strong barrier around you. Dont die, Joey.
Stan doesnt look back as he goes upstairs and leaves two priceless artifacts on the ground.
Well, were on, baby!
Chapter 93: Questions
Chapter 93: Questions
So, I put my jeans on and double-check my gear. Its night. Like all bad deeds, you got to do this stuff at night, man. You cant just stroll in there in the middle of the day. Plus, Lucillus told me there are patrols during the day. Whereas at night, the security is lower.
Why are you wearing those clothes? Stan asks with restrained curiosity. Hes feeling guilty about this, but I dont want to have this over his head all day.
If I die, better die casual than in those weird Elven clothes, I say.
He stares at me as if I wasnt there, into the void.
It could be weird for some, but I want to have something from home with me while I go and try to free those idiots.
Now, Im sure you have some questions, right?
Like:- Joey, why do you think you can save those people?
- Joey, how are you going to make it past the guards?
- Joey, who says those people arent dead already?
- Joey, why are you wasting your time?
Stan, so can you do the invisible magic? I ask him.
He nods and chants a few words. After a second, my body bes fully transparent.
Wow.
Trippy.
Very Harry Potter-y, I must say.
Now, off to some mischief.
This spell will be undetectable for them. Even if someone bumps into you, it will stay up. However, as soon as you start casting magic, Joey, it will start losing power. I cant teach you how to dispel it immediately, though. It would require time you dont have.
Im so going to die, arent I?
Thanks, Stanimal. Look after the bakery for me, will you? And remember to make the same pastries as usual. The others should be able to do a decent job even without me.
Stan nods and stays silent.
He didnt really ask me any questions about this. Like why, what, when, and how. And Im missing one or two interrogative particles. But I bet you get what Im saying.
My magical training has progressed quite a bit; Im halfway through the entire Cantrip list. I have made discoveries worth entire novels, and without Lucinda, I felt like taking a bit of me-time. That meant practicing a lot of magic.
Do I think Im good enough for this Dungeon?
Nah.
Do I think I will make it past the guards?
Maybe, thanks to Stan.
Are those people already dead?
Beats me.
Who knows?
Joey, onest thing, I hear dear Stanimal say.
What? I look at him.
You are not going alone, he hints at the stairs.
Huh?
Is heing?
Then, two tall figures emerge at the staircase.
Stan told us you are going to dive, Lucillus says. We areing with you.
What?
What Lucillus said, Antoninus keeps chomping down on a croissant that doesnt look fresh.
What?
What?
What? I finally voice my only thought.
We areing with you. I like Gaius, and I think Captain Drusillus is ying politics. Stan told us he could cast an [Invisibility] spell to bypass the standard Watch wards. So, lets go. You dont even know where the mines are.
Huh.
Thats a good point.
What if you get executed? I ask Lucillus.
The man looks slightly in the wrong direction since Im invisible.
We fought stupid wars with Humans because of politics and betrayals and whatnot. Im not letting a Human make a sensible choice. The Dungeon is not that dangerous. As long as we stick to a simple mission, the extraction should go smoothly. Plus, Stan told us about your magic.
Stanimal! I look at him, outraged.
You have to trust someone, he winks at me.
Oh, God, even a teachable moment.
Disgusting, Stanimal. So clich!
But, s, I prefer going with two well-built guards than alone. Plus, they actually seem to know whats going on there, unlike me.
Im so going to die.
Joey Luciani, not even 23, death by Dungeon. His hot baker friends will hold a memorial and distribute croissants.
Do I want croissants at my funeral?
Shouldnt I get pizza? Isnt that more representative of my heritage?
Food for thought.
So, can you exin again why these people copsed the Dungeon entrance? I ask Lucillus as we move stealthily and invisibly.
They were afraid the Boss would get out. Apparently, more and more monsters have beening out of nowhere. They were probably going for spige. But those arent burrowers. So, with the entrance sealed, there should be no risk of them escaping. The main monster is called a Skraktalosia.
The name thates out of Lucilluss mouth sounds like gibberish to me.
That sounds like gibberish to me, I tell him.
Its a name. Its a spawning monster. A huge, dark hound, female. It reproduces with its own offspring. Its very stealthy, and their hides have a natural hiding property. They can hide extremely well in the dark. So, well have to use extremely powerful [Light] spells.
Lucillus directs his gaze at me.
Im not sure what Stan told him, but he definitely knows enough.
Thats not going to be a problem, I nod.
The problem is that we are going to face dozens of those bastards at once, Antoninus says from the side.
We can somehow see a shimmer in the air, signaling the presence of each of us. Otherwise, it would have been hard keeping track of whos where.
The fact that a Silver-rank team couldnt make it should give us a hint on our chances.
Thats Lucillus for you, always positive.
I think Joeys secretly very strong, Antoninus keeps eating despite the invisibility on him. His chewing is actually louder than his voice.
Well, is he wrong?
Is he not?
Who knows, baby.
But we are rocking this Dungeon soon!
Chapter 94: Skraktalosia
Chapter 94: Skraktalosia
Do I know a spell for breaking rocks?
Its a good question but with a negative answer.
But I brought something to help me with it.
We slipped past the guards who were stationed quite far from the actual ce. I mean, you would expect them to be right in front of the entrance, right?
Instead, they have a veryrge perimeter; they keep their distance.
Im not going toin.
So, lets learn some new magic, shall we?
Book, I know you said I cant learn new magic, but I practiced all your Cantrips without batting an eyelid, I say after fishing out the Omnium Compendium. Now, I bet an [Archmage] would be honorable, right? I need a low-level spell to break the rocks over there because my friends are trapped, and no one else wants to risk their lives to save them.
Jet-ck ink slowly appears on the pages.
A true [Archmage] has to show his magnanimous spirit. Magister Mulligan himself would probably give his disciple a prize after practicing so much. One spell will be granted to you. The best tool for the current situation is a simple [Earth Split], a 1st tier spell. Its the basis of much stronger spells like [Earthquake], [Terraforming], [Earth Titan], and
Yeah, yeah. Lets just get to the end.
Use it to separate the rocks while expending the minimum amount of Mana possible. Efficiency is paramount!
I click my tongue, interested. I can feel Lucilluss and Antoninuss presence by my side, but they are silent. They dont really know much about the book, and I hope they will not figure out that it is actually a legendary relic. You know, I like theds, but this books real value should stay hidden as long as possible, even forever, if I can manage that.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
Thats the usual skill, right? But look at this now.
[Single-Minded Focus]
Why is it this color? I dont know.
Thats how I see it in my mind.
I gained the skill after losing myself in magic for almost two days straight. I told Stan I needed time to crack one of the hardest Cantrips yet dont worry, you will see what I had to deal with soon. And after burying myself in the depths of magic to ignore the stray thoughts that irreparably went to Lucinda, I had this weird, very weird experience.
Have you ever thought, I just found out one of the biggest secrets of this world?
Its the kind of feeling you get when you read Seneca, the Latin philosopher. The way he writes stuff makes the mostplex thoughts seem trivial, as if he had everything figured out. Its marvelous. As a side note, I dont like people who pride themselves on being stoic but have never read Seneca.
Anyway, what happened was that I got and this will sound cringe as hell enlightened. Yep, I said it. And its not an Instagram post about some rich girl going to a meditation retreat.
I dont know; maybe we will revisit itter.
For now, Ill show you what it does.
As I activate the skill, every single thought disappears.
My ears withstand true silence.
I look at the spell, [Earth Split]. The pattern is much different from [Light], and the very energy in the squiggly lines has a different feeling. That would have been a problem if I hadnt practiced my Cantrips so diligently.
Different energy for different spells.
Attunement.
Synchronization.
Hue.
Color.
There are many things I havent shown you.
I dont even notice whether Im breathing or not in this state. My body relegates such distracting functions to a subconscious part of my brain.
This spell is quite easy.
I superimpose the spell with the first huge rock, and I see the matrix sinking into said rock.
Beautiful.
Magic is truly everything one could wish for.
I slowly trace the squiggly lines, and I notice an intrinsic prity in the spell. No, not prity. A part of the squiggly lines moves around and starts tracing a natural anti-matrix. Not one, wait. Two.
I see.
This spell has movingponents already. They are much more intricate than what Im used to.
But thats not a problem.
All this practice wasnt for nothing.
The first rock silently splits in two as if bisected by an invisible de. From there, it starts separating, with one piece moving to the left and one to the right. Thats what the anti-matrixes were formoving the pieces.
If I used it on a small rock with the same amount of Mana, the two separated pieces would veritably fly away from each other.
I start grinding away at the entrance. The spell is conveniently silent. Or maybe its just my execution. I cant know for sure.
I drop the focus skill after a bit to avoid taxing my mind. After having understood how it works, its pretty straightforward.
It takes a good twenty minutes to open a man-sized hole.
I look at the darkness with a quivering heart.
Am I ready for this?
Is there even a way I can be ready for this?
[Light]
I throw my most practiced spell towards the entrance with ease. Ill need it to see those
Whats their name again?
Lucillus, what are the monsters called? I whisper.
Skraktalosia, the voicees from thin air.
My invisibility spell is almost fully gone. Im barely translucent at this point.
It would have been a good idea to maybe stealth our way up to Gaius?
Nah.
I was never good at that stuff in military video games. Im more of a gun-zing yer.
A single Skraktalosia is a Bronze threat. A nest of them, a Silver one. A Mother, instead, is a Gold-rank threat. Thats because she can keep spawning and spawning monsters without rest.
Such a treat, huh?
Well, lets get to work then, I crack my neck. Its not for show. Try staying put and cast the same spell over and over for half an hour. Yep, not the best.
I take a sip of one Mana potion and exhale.
I dont even try to think this might somehow go well. I know how Lady Luck works. Who whines, wins. Thats my new motto. Confidence is for people who want to die.
Chapter 95: Blade
Chapter 95: de
How do you do the slow-motion walk, the cool strut, the fearsome stroll? Whatever. How do I walk into a deadly Dungeon and also look cool?
Is my brain shooting these thoughts at me to distract me from my imminent death? Most likely.
I look at the globe of [Light] and tweak its spell matrix to have it shine brighter.
Oh, you didnt know I could do that, right?
Well, there are 529 Cantrips. I had to learn something useful at some point.
Its as bright as the sun, I hear Antoninuss voice say.
Brighter than you, for sure, Lucillus snorts.
Is this the famous military humor? Insult each other in stressful situations?
I tuck a thumb in the rim of my jeans. It seems like a cool move.
Lucillus, move one of those stones in front of the entrance. Block it, at least by sight. The monsters dont know we have opened it yet.
We cant let monsters escape, right? I mean, we cant let the boss escape. Do they use the word boss for the biggest monster in the Dungeon? I dont think so.
While Lucillus is sealing the entrance with the help of Antoninus, I look around. The ceiling is surprisingly tall for a mining operation. Elves are tall, though, so that may exin it.
Its also not as narrow as I imagined it.
Good or bad?
Probably bad.
More space for the monsters to evade.
Does this mine have anyrger chambers? Or is it fairly narrow? I ask aloud.
It has a system of different caves connected by narrow tunnels.
Well, thats bad.
My new main attacking spell is more suited for narrow spaces. I mean, I have two good attacking spells. But they can be dodged.
I think.
I still have to figure out a homing system. That would make this easy.
Oh, right.
You dont know my level, now, do you?
Or my ss.
Ha.
Well, lets just say Ive made quite the progress.
I baked a lot, but heartbreak is tremendously good for hobbies, like practicing magic. And I immersed myself in it like nothing else before.
I hear a rattle and a scuffling on the naked rock.
Theres a packing.
Antoninuss voice has some urgency in it.
What disturbs me, though, is not his voice. Its the otherworldly screams that erupt when the first skrathingies pop up in sight. They take one look at my [Light] orb, and then they copse to the ground, shrieking.
For Petes sake, thats so loud, I say while looking nervously at those creatures.
Lets end them before even more pour out, one of the two [Guards] says.
Stop it, I announce as my hand goes out to stop whoever was going to advance on those monsters. I need to try something.
Two offensive skills. One I gained by leveling, and the other by twisting the first.
I dont really need to multi-cast. With time, I discovered it takes much more Mana than usual to multi-cast. The more spells you put together, the more the cost skyrockets exponentially. So, Ill just cast in quick session.
I tighten my grip on the steel wand that Stanimal gave me, and I feel a weird power seeping through my hands up to my brain. Trippy.
Well, make it or break it, I murmur.
[Advanced: Light de]
Im currently thirty yards or so from the creatures. Quite far, in my books. But Ive practiced this move in a far more difficult scenario, thanks to the book. Yeah, one of the Cantrips required me to hit moving [Lights] that the book would generate at different distances. That is one of the things that stumped me for a couple of days.
A de made of light shears through the group of monsters like a hot knife through butter. I have never used it on living things before. Just on trees, at most. But I do remember cutting a couple of trees down in session. So thats that.
The st of the dead carcasses is the most disgusting sound Ive ever heard.
For all Immortal Ancestors, Antoninus swears by my side.
Thats Lucillus is equally surprised.
I sigh.
I think I missed one, I squint a bit and raise the brightness of the [Light] by another notch. Indeed, theres one skrappapeppa who managed to stand up and is charging at me.
Joey! Antoninus shouts so loudly I jump.
Shut up! Jesus! You gave me a heart attack!
This stupid brute.
I wave my hand in front of me, a gesture I associated with a matrix. Yeah, another trick I came up with. I like wizards who gesture a lot. It looks more solemn, doesnt it?
Do you want to see the most difficult spell Ive mastered while learning the stupid Cantrips?
Well, here you go.
[Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shield]
What a mouthful.
See, the difference between me and the others is that people usually stick to their little matrixes, right? What I do, instead, is get creative.
Who said shields and walls have to be stationary?
The spell leaves my periphery at an rming speed, hitting the monster barely a secondter, not getting even nicked by the monsters ws.
The thing goes forth and drags the remaining corpses against a wall, crushing the live monster and the carcasses alike.
I turn to the most perilous creature in the Dungeon.
Antoninus, if you shout in my ear one more time, I swear Ill poison your next meal, ok? I am not a trained soldier. Is that clear? If you shout, I jump, and I get distracted. So, no sudden shouts, screams, or anything like that. I have an amulet to protect me, and I can do magic. Its more likely that you will give me a heart attack if you shout again. Am I being clear?
I know Im being a little harsh, but its true. Theres a chance I might die because Antoninus shouts at me at the wrong moment.
Hum, ok? the burly man is probably scratching his head behind the invisibility spell.
Well, lets go kick some asses, I guess?
I take a step forward with a disgusted expression while I look at the blood smeared on the ground and the walls. My shield is still going and is slowly crushing the remaining monsters. It should lose its motion in a minute, though.
Those are Gold-rank attacks, Lucillus says after a minute of us walking.
I was expecting questions and stunned ooohs. To be honest, I was expecting a little bit more. I know Im good at this. Just because I want to be a baker doesnt mean I cant enjoy some magical tomfoolery and praise.
Yep. Probably, I say while trying to look cool.
Thats good, Antoninusments, shing all my hopes of praise.
Meh.
I should havee alone.
Chapter 96: Hero?
Chapter 96: Hero?
Sometimes I y this game. Its called, what would people think if I did this or that? What would happen if my every action was under the scrutiny of the whole world? Would they understand me? Would they love me? Or would they hate me?
Its a long game, I guess. And not a healthy one, for sure.
See, not everyone is well-understood. And its silly to want otherwise, probably. But different people want different things. And I might want validation. Or I might have wanted it in the past. There are many worms to dig out of the can thats my brain.
Have you ever imagined yourself crossing the long corridor that brings you to the center of an arena or a stadium, and the whole crowd starts cheering your name?
I havent.
But Im still a romantic.
I do things because, in my head, they resonate with something.
Im sure you are still confused about the whole Joey Luciani goes in the Dungeon to save his friends, or at least you should be.
But see, there is something to life that cant be put to words so easily.
Ill try, but it will be very difficult, and you will need to know a little bit about pop culture.
To be more specific, youll need to know one fictional character.
His name is Mr. Miyagi.
In the famous movie Karate Kid, theres a scene where Mr. Miyagi fights this guy whos probably forty years younger than him. In the real world, Mr. Miyagi would have had his head caved in, for sure. No chance in hell he would have survived such an assault. In the film, theres this cheesy sequence of missed hits where the man simply moves aside, and his opponent smashes his fists in car windows and whatnot, bloodying himself.
That scene is a statement of how we should live our life.
See, Mr. Miyagi was there and won because he was the hero of the story. And maybe heroes die a lot. Thats kind of what adventurers do. But its a bit different there because adventuring is a job, a whole thing; its calcted risks.
I think that a [Hero] is much, much different.
A [Hero] is something that just goes off at the right moment, against all odds. A [Hero] is not morous; hes just cheesy, a bit romantic, maybe a bit of an idiot. He may speak broken English or be short and green. But what a Hero does best is build this image of whats right and wrong.
And now, Im telling you whats right and whats wrong.
Wrong thats the sea of corpses that we find on our way. Lucillus confirms that they are not Gaiuss men but other adventurers. I even recognize some of them, although their flesh has mostly been stripped. See, thats an easy one as wrong as it can get. Death.
Right that is us risking our lives for this stupid idea of mine. Why? Because if Mr. Miyagi were here, he would be damn proud of me.
If this doesnt make sense to you, Im sorry. And with that, I mean Im sorry for you.
Why?
Look at this.
[Advanced Light Lance]
I skewer three skakkapoodles in one attack, cast a quick [Advanced sh] inside a huge group of them, and then with a tongue roll [Advanced Light de]. The attack flies forward and cuts dozens of the bastards, killing at least half of them.
And what?
Oh, look at this.
[Advanced Light de]
[Advanced Light de]
[Advanced Light de]
[Advanced Light de]
Dozens start dropping dead on the spot, while Lucillus and Antoninus are killing off the ones who get closer to us. Ive downed four Mana potions so far, and Im probably close to uncorking the fifth. Is that bad?
Maybe.
But as a wise man once said:
Man who catch fly with chopstick, aplish anything.
I dont know. It was either that or wax on, wax off. My memory sucks for names and quotes, I swear. Sometimes I quote myself and say Seneca or Marcus Aurelius said it. It always kills me how people start nodding with wide eyes when they hear it.
Oops, I multi-cast two [Advanced Light des] to cover a wide zone. More dark-hound thingies havee out.
Lucillus! Whats their name again?! I scream to the man whos now circling back to me with his fellow guard.
Skraktalosias!
Yeah, Im not learning that I nod.
[Advanced sh]
[Advanced sh]
I start peppering the enemy with low-cost spells to give myself a bit of a breather. See, Mana works funnily. The more you use it in sequence, the more you spend. Why? Beats me. I have a theory, but Im a bit busy here, you know?
And look, apparently, Lucillus and Antoninus have some very strong skills.
Stuff like [Enhanced Resilience] and [Enhanced Strength]. Thest ones Antoninus. I think Lucillus only has the basic version of that.
Loser.
Hehe.
By the way, Mr. Miyagi aside, this ce stinks.
Yeah, it stinks.
Bad.
It stinks bad.
How bad?
Jennifer Lawrence in Hunger Games bad.
No, more.
Robert Pattinson in Twilight bad.
Well
What was that quote about napalm?
That would be fitting, maybe.
Huh.
[Advanced Light de]
That was close. I backpedal from another assault of monsters and, suddenly, Lucillus shouts.
And I trip, obviously.
Why do they shout?!
I found them! They are calling us from the other side of this rock! he screams.
Why does he scream?!?!
I can hear you! Stop screaming!
And you know what else I hear?
Oh, well, a massive thump on the ground. Then, silence. Then, a massive roar shakes the entire mine.
The boss.
Chapter 97: Restructuring
Chapter 97: Restructuring
I have yed my fair share of video games. I dont like to think of myself as a geek, a nerd, or whatever, but I do have some experience killing monsters in a fantasy setting. And one of the things that always left me perplexed was the architecture of Dungeons. Why do most of them have such high ceilings? Why?
And why is it always mines, crypts, and so on? Couldnt it be just a cute barn painted red?
See, apparently, the skakkappoodle boss is an oversized version of the dog-sized monsters we have been fighting so far. I noticed the presence of a few burst sacs a while ago as we delved deeper and deeper into the mine, but now it makes some sense.
The boss is oozing a ck membrane-ish liquid from its mouth, and the puddle at its feet is apparently bing an embryo incubator. Yeah, I guess that if that thing were to get out, it would indeed create many problems. If you can generate monsters so easily, the death toll on the city would be devastating.
I understand why they put a Gold-rank evaluation on the thing and not higher. Its massive, but it doesnt seem able to do much more than what its body is showing me. Its true that it is huge, though. Taller than the other guards and me too. It weights something insane, probably, like our weightsbined multiplied by five. The difference between the boss and the spawn is pretty much the same as between a Chinese M-sized t-shirt and an American L-sized t-shirt.
Lucillus, does that thing have hidden abilities?
In retrospect, I should have asked that question first. But, again, Im more casual. I dont like going hardcore on things.
It has acid nds in its mouth. Apart from making membrane sacs, it can spit acid. Its also extremely strong and fast.
Thats all?
Apart from the bigger-than-a-rhino thing, it only spits acid?
The boss is still looking at us without moving. Its a female, I think. And thats why its stare is pointed right at me.
It has huge fangs sprouting from its mouth, and its skin bends the light shining on it, repelling it. Its ssy eyes look half-blind but still retain all their monstrous charm.
Thats one big fucker, I find myself whispering. Reality is finally settling in.
[Rock Split]
[Rock Split]
[Rock Split]
In a fraction of a second, I multi-cast the spell to where Lucillus is tapping with his fist as hes talking to those on the other side. The rocks give in, and Gaiuss group appears from behind. They are pale and bloodied from head to toe. Whatever happened to them mustnt have been pretty.
Lucillus, take Gaius and the others with you. Ill kill this thing, I say, and I add a little trick.
See, Stan taught me this one. I asked him out of pure curiosity. Apparently, you can add Mana to your voice to make it moremanding.
Im staying behind with him, Gaius, says a female voice. You go ahead. Well get back to you.
I can see Vilith wielding a one-handed axe and a shield in the corner of my eye. Her gaze is hard, and she nods at me with newfound respect.
When Lucillus and the others start to move, thats when the boss pounces.
[Single-Minded Focus]
The world around me slows down, and I breathe deeply.
[Advanced Light Shaping]
[Advanced Mana Sense]
Keep the small monsters away from me, I say in my dreamy state. My words must have been barely understandable because I spoke too fast. However, something tells me that Vilith has got the message.
[Advanced Light Lance]
The first projectile hits the monster''s hind leg, making it fall on its side. Its hide, however, was not pierced. And that is why I have Advanced Mana Sense on. It makes the world look like a jubnt procession of colors, but it also allows me to work with the spell matrixes on a very granr level.
Do you remember the day I broke my wall with the [Light] orb?
I thought it would all be in the prity of the magic. That day, I elerated a spell by a factor of 150 by simply casting it faster and directing the starting points in the right ce.
Now, my [Advanced Light Lance] is probably at the 3rd or the 4th tier, maybe. It packs quite the punch. However, unlike other [Lance] spells, its quite blunt, and it doesnt have any ovepping effects. Thats the main difference between my ss and the others. If you are a [Pyromancer], a [Fire Lance], or whatever its called, you can probably burrow into many monsters hides thanks to the sss fire properties. Plus, it will scorch them and char their flesh.
But.
Theres a but.
A [me Lance] requires a higher level of control of the spell matrix because you need to convert the vectors into me energy. If you use neutral stuff, you get Light Magic. Now, even though its true that Light Magic is supposedly weaker than all other types of magic, its mostly because people cant manipte the spells.
The matrix of a [Light Lance], or an [Advanced Light Lance], like in my case, is
The boss swipes down the three shields I had ced in front of me and bitch-ps me into the wall.
I can feel the amulet activating to negate the real damage of the blow, but I still get thrown against the rock-hard wall. Air escapes my lungs, leaving me breathless. Stupid amulet.
The boss quickly turns to me, hungry.
Plus, Vilith is quickly overwhelmed by the waves of monstersing at us. The boss acts as a natural beacon for the houndsing to protect their mother. Im still not sure if the boss is a she or a he. I hope no one gets angry with me for misgendering it.
The boss pounces toward me once again, making the ground shake.
As I was saying, the matrix of a [Light Lance] is much simpler. Or, as I like to think, cleaner. I can do a lot of stuff with it. And you may call me a cheater for this but look.
[Restructuring Conditions Met: Advanced Light Lance me Lance!]
Oh, and thats not all. I simply converted the energy. The spell matrix was not built by some idiot [Pyromancer] who wants to fiddle around and make everything dirty. Its core is still identical to a [Light Lance], meaning that the whole thing about prity, starting points, and even anti-matrixes is still easily modifiable.
Man, we really need to talk about anti-matrixes and their effect on prity, dont we?
But for now, lets just enjoy the fireworks.
I add threeyers of anti-matrixes on top of the spell, feeling my mind straining even with the focus skill. All the starting points create a reversed vacuum of power that propels the spell at around eight times its previous speed.
I already have a hand on a Mana potion for when the spell goes off. This conversion process is still very inefficient, sadly.
While Im taking a sip, a two-fists-sized hole appears in the monsters chest.
An eardrum-tearing scream runs through the mines.
For Petes sake, why does everyone need to scream?
Chapter 98: Slayer of Monsters
Chapter 98: yer of Monsters
I drink half of a healing potion before raising my hand to aim. It helps, you know?
Now, the boss has pretty much understood that I can hurt it and jumped back, spitting acid on my shields. Thankfully, even though one of them fizzles out of existence, Ive got into the habit of making three ovepping shields.
Why?
Because I dont want to die, obviously.
The giant dark hound stalks in circles around me.
I drop my focus skill for a second, and I look at Vilith. With the skill on, my mind cant be distracted. I can banter in my head, but I cannot be distracted.
The woman is fighting so savagely that the dark dogs around her are afraid of approaching her. She screams with gory discipline every time she rains a blow and grunts every time she parries. Her hair is matted by blood and looks like a solid chunk of red tar.
Isnt she a brte?
So, thats blood.
Now, in this world, they ssify beasts based not only on their strength but also on their intelligence. When the stupid boss sees me looking at Vilith, a savage glint zes through its eyes.
Son of a
Vilith! Move! Come here! I scream the words in rapid session while my brain starts tracing a matrix in mid-air.
Converting the mes takes me a couple of seconds.
[Restructuring Conditions Met: Advanced Light Lance me Lance!]
This time, the spell misses, and many little bastards start swarming me.
Goddammit.
[Advanced Light de]
[Advanced Light de]
[Advanced Light de]
I uncork a Mana potion while killing dozens of the little bastards and pour its contents down my throat. I can feel my Mana bing sluggish in my veins, getting harder and harder to move around. Im reaching my natural limit for these stupid potions.
Suddenly, while tapping my fingers on the wand, the word slows down several beats. Its like everything just started working in slow-motion.
I can see the huge boss pouncing toward Vilith while she helplessly tries to run to me. Her face is a mask of anger and ruthlessness even at this moment. She has sharp features, but her eyes are fiercer than the bosss zed corneas.
Am I seeing things this slowly because I will die soon? Is this one of those otherworldly pre-death experiences?
I stay still, waiting for the world to go back at its own natural pace.
Several moments go past me, but nothing changes. Everything is still slowed down.
Am I missing something?
I think Im forgetting
Whatever, it doesnt matter.
I aim with my right hand while clutching the wand with the other.
Eat this, you wretched New Jersey bastard!
I gather all the power in my body for one final attack. I cant pull my punches because the boss could very well evade light-hearted attacks. So, its time to go all-in.
The day I summoned ten [Lights] in my room seems so distant now, but the sensations that grabbed my heart that day are still in me. And Im using them to recreate a feat a hundred times harder and more magnificent.
Ten [Advanced Light Lances] start taking shape before me, and I convoy all my insights and feelings into the matrixes, making a swift shift from Light Magic to Fire Magic. I put the ze in my heart but, gripped by sudden insight, I fuel my own anger. I let go; I gather all those parts of me that Ive always shunned, that Ive always dismissed.
Now, its time for them toe home like the Prodigal Son.
And anger pumps in my vein, giving renewed strength to the Mana, making it mightier than ever. Its a sensation beyond what can be described with words. Its like my limbs are ame and can set on fire the very air I caress with my fingers.
The boss, albeit slowly, is getting closer and closer to Vilith. I dont like the woman. For my taste, she tries too hard, but you can bet on my future grave that I wont let such an arrogant prick die before I can lord over them the fact that I saved their life.
I weave the anti-matrixes over the spells, adding prity on top of more prity. A strange resonance is created something that I would love to study if I wasnt at imminent risk of losing my life.
Many people might look at me one day and think that this was one of the most asinine things Ive ever done in my life. Why risk everything like this? Why help people who are little more than strangers?
Why?
Why all of this, Joey?
Its not even because of Mr. Miyagi or anything like that.
Its just that sometimes you have to be the [Hero] of your own story.
Ten [me Lances] shoot at insane speed even in this slowed-down world. They are about two fistsrger than usual, double their normal size. Plus, their fire is not the typical red, but something close to vermillion. It must have been my anger doing that.
They pierce the boss simultaneously, and all the lights in my head go out. Im only aware that they went through the monster like a hot knife through butter and then impacted the walls of the mine with a world-ending bang.
I can feel a massive vibration go through the cave while my body falls to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut loose.
The world goes back to normal speed as the boss falls dead on the ground. The dogs start running around in a panicked frenzy, and the entire cave sheds a few rocks from its ceilings starting to copse in its entirety.
Onest thought before I die.
I hope they put something cool on my tombstone.
Joey Luciani, yer of monsters and pu
I finally faint.
Chapter 99: Losing It
Chapter 99: Losing It
Gaius was holding his chest while Lucillus and Antoninus helped the rest of his team lie down and passed healing potions around.
Ive had enough of those, Lucillus. I have to wait for them to be effective again. Give them to the younger ones, Gaius pointed to two recruits.
Their faces were still disfigured by the horror of being sealed in a Dungeon with no way out. To that very moment, Gaius was still unsure of what had just gone down.
Care to tell me whats just happened? he nudged Lucillus as everyone finally settled down. The other guard was looking around, noticing a few sentinels of the Watch having spotted them and making quick rounds to alert the Captain about this new development.
Joeys a very strong [Mage], it seems, Lucillus slowly flopped on the ground, dead-tired. He can summon a [Light de] capable of shearing through monsters with ease. He hacked our way through the hordes of monsters up to you. And after seeing that hellish ce, I still dont really understand what could be so valuable about it to spend months there.
Gaius frowned while hearing about Joey. He truly couldnt reconcile the image of the jolly baker who talked smack and got smacked by girls with a powerful mage who could almost solo his way through a ce that gave them nightmares.
There are hidden pathways where loot is stored. This whole mine was built on top of an ancient burial ground. And the Skraktalosias are supposed to be the first obstacle only. They will probably change the threat level of this ce. The mines tapped into some sealed corridors built by adventurers way before we went down there. Judging by some of the corpses and failed enchantments we found, Id say its been at least a couple hundred years.
Lucillus widened his eyes.
For a moment, Joey was forgotten.
Two hundred years ago, Amorium barely existed.
They were Human corpses, Lucillus. And some looked even older. Whatever is down there, its not just valuable, but also extremely dangerous.
Idiots! a voice thundered as a huge Elf rode a horse toward them.
Lucillus! Antoninus! What in the name of the Worlds Tree is happening here?! Captain Drusilluss face was red. He was so angry that all the veins on his face were popping and beating like massive bass drums.
Antoninus stood up, looked around, and sat down again.
The poor man couldnt be bothered after having just risked his life.
Captain, Lucillus stood his ground while the man dismounted the horse, furious.
Gaius? the [Captain] looked at the man for a second before locking an if possible angrier gaze onto Lucillus. You went in and took the adventurers out? Do you realize you are going to be
A huge tremor ran through the ground, so loud a few people fell over.
What was that?! Captain Drusillus roared.
The man did not possess the cold gait a militarymander should.
Joey probably did something, Antoninus said while taking out a meaty sandwich from his bag of holding.
The Human?!
Captain Drusillus looked like an Elf on the verge of losing it.
You defected my orders because of the Human?! the Elfs deep voice could not conceal his contempt for the baker who had infiltrated his town.
Suddenly, the entrance stone of the mine was torn down, and a figure emerged heroically, princess-carrying an unconscious person. A cloud of dust covered most of the two silhouettes as they slowly approached the group.
Thats cool, Antoninus dered while shielding his sandwich from the dust cloud.
Every adventurer looked in admiration at Joey, convinced that the man had somehow blown up the mine and rescued Vilith in the process. That was the most logical conclusion after the secretly-super-strong baker hade to their rescue.
However, what they did not seeing was Vilith carrying a pant-less Joey like a princess. The man had acid wounds on his legs and had clearly been out for a while.
Vilith! Gaius painfully got up and went over to the woman. What happened?!
She gentlyid Joey down on the grass in his underwear and dusted her hands off before answering.
This man killed the mother of the Skraktalosias, Gaius. This man, right here.
Gaius saw respect on the womans face that not even he had ever earned. But Joey just did something so stupid and idiotic that only someone of her kind could appreciate.
However, he had broken thew.
That damn Human! Captain Drusillus snarled while walking toward the passed-out baker on the ground. Guards! With me! Arrest this
Vilith stepped forward and, to everyones surprise, punched Drusillus in the throat. The move was so sudden and unexpected that the [Captain], who wasnt wearing any protective enchantment at the moment, got whooped right to the ground.
If someone touches Joey, Ill skewer them on a pole.
There was no shouting, no screaming.
Vilith was clearly dead-tired,pletely out of fuel. But damn everything in the world if she would let some spineless Elf touch a man worth sharing a meal with, the bravest of her kind.
The [Guards] ran to the woman, but her aura was something else. She had just punched the [Captain] silly, and no one dared to make a sudden move. Spears and swords were out, but no one advanced.
Four figures appeared in the distancethree on two legs and thest on four.
Gaius stood by Viliths side, even though he could barely hold himself up. And so did every other member of his team. Without Joey, they would have all been dead. Some of them were not keen on getting on the wrong side of thew, but no one was going to cross Gaius and Vilith.
Human, Ill have you arrested with that idiot of a kid, Captain Drusillus slowly rose, a dark frown on his face. He was seething, but he was now much colder than before. The frenzy had boiled over, transforming into a poisonous gas he was inhaling straight from the source.
Captain! a deep voice came from behind the guards and their Captain. A silver-haired Elf was in thepany of two women, both past their prime but still hard enough not to be intimidated by the scene.
The homeless man? Agostina? And Julia?
Agostina and her sister, a woman in charge of the treasury of the Adventurers Guild. A couple of very well-known Elves in Amorium. Agostina owned a good chunk of the real estate in the city, and Julia could pull many strings among adventurers.
What the homeless old man was doing there with his weird dog was beyond Drusillus, though.
What the hell was happening?
Chapter 100: Butterfly
Chapter 100: Butterfly
Im making out with Selena Gomez. Shes so beautiful and hot. We are sharing a ss of wine in a fancy NYC apartment, sitting on the hard, wooden floor that creeks a bit when you walk on it but in a good way.
Shes saying something about how Im an amazing lover between tongueshings. I dont really have the will to listen. Shes just absorbing my full attention, and I swear, even if you dont believe me, shes just so hungry for my kisses! Shes basically slobbering all over my lips!
WOOF!
I think one of my eardrums just ruptured.
My eyes pop open, and I find Grigio on top of me while Im lying on a bed. Stan is standing by the bed, and someones asleep on a chair, bent towards my own bed.
Is that Vilith?
Grigio suddenly licks my face, and I realize that it wasnt Selena Gomez I was making out with.
OH, GRIGIO! NOT COOL, DUDE! NOT COOL! I try to push the massive dog out of the way, but its like trying to move Godzi. Off the bed! Off!
I push, but Grigio just sits like an unmovable monk. The goddamn bastard looks like hes smirking at my plight.
Grigio, leave him alone for a second, Stanimal says while looking at the massive dog.
The dog snorts and shoots me a pitiful stare before jumping off the bed, making the floor of my room creak. This goddamn monster will cave in the pavements of my bakery one of these days.
Stanimal? Am I not in prison? I look around, surprised. I fully expected to be arrested as soon as wended a foot outside the mine.
Some friends of yours found a way to y thew for you. And it wouldnt have been put in prison, Joey. You would have been executed, Stan says with a sad smile.
My countrymen love to say, here for a good time, not a long time, I snort. Its obvious that I do not agree with that, but Im d I wont be hanged.
Hanged? Stan asks, confused.
Well, thats how they execute you, right? I ask, now in doubt.
Wait.
Dont tell me these freaks have people go through terrifying torture before dying
We slowly stab people with thin, enchanted des. Some die because they bleed out after screaming for hours. It takes a while for your body to fail, especially because they use potions to make itst longer if the crime was heinous enough. They use potions until they are not effective anymore. This method was born during the first wars against Humans, Joey. Its rarely used nowadays. But Im sure the Captain would have loved to rehearse it in your honor.
Stanimal, dont be so bleak, dude. Come on. Cheer up. We slew that Dungeon! Plus, Im not going to get executed. Listen, dont tell me details about thew, ok? Id rather not know it.
Stan stifles augh and nods.
Oh.
Oh.
Wait a second.
Stan? What is thatugh?
This old man is going senile, Joey. Dont pay too much attention to me.
Having said that, he slowly takes off.
Stan. Stan! STAN! WHAT DID YOU DO? STANIMAL, DONT YOU DARE LEAVE ME HERE!
My shouts seem to finally wake up Vilith, who has slept like a rock through the rest of the conversation. Waking up, she stirs quietly, like a cat. Her sharp eyes could cut, I swear. There is something about this woman that makes me piss myself in fear. Its like some very hard to describe quality that epasses her flesh.
You, she says with a determined look in her eyes.
I cant help myself.
Me?
You, she says again.
Me, I snort.
This stuff will never get old.
How you doin? I sh her a wink, and she just stares at me. Theres no threat to break my teeth or anything like that.
She stands up and stretches an arm toward me.
Is she going for a shake?
I tentatively move my hand out to grab hers.
When I do, she pulls me out of bed, almost making me fall in the process. However, she helps me by counterbncing my weight to avoid having me sprawl on the ground. Theres something different about this woman now. Shes never really bothered with me or to hang out with the others at the bakery. When I asked them what she would do all night, they said train or think about training.
She was from another continent, and her people had a weird name. And a weird naming sense.
You showed a heart of a Vanedenis, Joey. My people rarely respect outsiders. Even the Demons are barely qualified to stand to the standards of my ancestors. Nothing short of legends is worth admiration in my culture. And what you did was not just great; it was heroic.
She puts great emphasis on that word, and the entire room seems to get stuffier because of that.
Some of the great [Heroes] who had shaped us into who we are today started from meager jobs. [Gardeners] took down one of the most terrifying empires after diving hundreds of feet in the darkest waters known to the world. And thats the standard I hold myself up to. The greatest of the greatest stopped world conflicts and defeated bothparties. My heritage might be unknown in the present time, Joey, but I just want you to understand that certain things are not thrown around lightly.
She speaks with so much tension in her words that I find myself sweating.
When I say you were heroic, I mean it. I have never seen anyone do what you did. Not even among my kind. You are going to make a great [Hero] one day. And I want to ask for your help to reim my continent from the hands of those filthy
WOAH! Time out! I make a T with my hands, and I start inching backward toward the door. Im no [Hero], hero, Hero, or whatever you want me to be. I came to rescue you because I like Gaius and the others. We are buddies. But Im not getting roped in any legendary quest to save an entire poption or anything like that. Im not even sure I want to visit anywhere outside Amorium yet! So, thanks but no thanks!
I almost bolt for the door when something she says turns my feet into bricks.
Now that you have been certified as an adventurer, you will have to.
I stare into the womans pupils, hoping she made the first joke of her entire life and that it was a good one.
Come again for big fudge?
She raises an eyebrow.
Julia bent the rules for you. But I testified under oath and truth stone that you slew a Gold-rank threat meant for more than one group on your own. Thats why you are not going to prison. You are an adventurer. And if you refuse to take quests, your license will be removed after a while. With that, Drusillus will take you to court to litigate the fact that you were never an adventurer, to begin with; and if he can prove that, you will be court-martialed for treason. I thought Stan told you. You have been sleeping off your Mana exhaustion for two whole days. The paperwork is already filled in and all, and Stan has apparently got your approval for him to sign on your behalf. Weve already put everything in ce to save you from thew. You were a hero, and now you are a Gold-rank adventurer.
Am I having a stroke?
I think Im having a stroke.
I cant have heard right.
So, I start slowly, making sure that every word of mine isprehensible and clear, you tell me that I became a Gold-rank adventurer. And not just that, but also that the title means I have to take on missions, otherwise, the Watch will literally kill me?
Exactly. It was all Stans idea, she smiles kindly.
Huh, right. Ok. Huh, you know what? Just give me a second.
I get out of the door, clear my voice, and shout.
STAN! YOU CURSED OLD GEEZER! YOU DID WHAT?!
I find him chatting with a bruised Gaius and his teammates around him.
Joey! Our Gold-rank adventurer is finally showing his face to us, poor Silvies! Gaius crackles and raises a mug filled with something alcoholic.
Stan smiles warmly at me, and Im considering my chances at strangling the old man right here and now. Looking at the smug beast by his side that is still grinning like a goddamn Hyena, I presume that my chances are pretty low.
It was the only way to prevent your death, the old man says in a leveled tone.
Stanimal, you goddamn traitor!
Im desperate.
What am I going to do?
I cant die because someone wants me to kill some stupid monsters!
Good news is that you wont even need to move from Amorium. The mines Dungeon got bumped up to Gold, and Im sure you can just take some simple extermination quests there. You could even join a team and
My ears start ringing while I stare at Gaius with the willpower of a man whos about to get shot.
How did ite to this? What the hell have I done wrong to deserve such fate?
I sit down at the table and rest my head on it, closing my eyes.
[Luxmancer Level 22!]
[Luxmancer Level 23!]
[Skill Aura Lucis Acquired!]
[Skill Light Overcharge Acquired!]
God, please, give me a break.
I wish I were that strong, one of Gaiuss men tells his leader.
Our favorite baker was hiding his capabilities all along! Gaius ps my shoulder and forces me to raise my face to the guys.
Joey! Viliths voicees down the stairs together with her.
Here she goes, Gaius removes the hand from my shoulder and gives me a wide berth.
Holy hell, Gaius, you sneaky little roon. I mean, you giant, fat roon. Why do you act like you dont know me when Vilithes down? Whos the boss here, you or her?
Vilith, Gaius says somberly, have you already told him about your proposal?
I can see Gaius trying his best not tough.
Oh, so they are in cahoots!
Lets see, should I start sting people with my magic now that I
Wait. What about Lucillus and Antoninus? my brain finally catches up with reality.
The fact that you are a Gold-rank adventurer now justified their actions too. They were here until a few hours ago. However, they are both out of jobs right now. I took the liberty to tell them youd hire them both. Please, correct me if I was wrong.
I stare at Stan, tired. He knows Id agree to that without batting an eyelid. At this moment, I still ignore our finances, but the old guy knows what hes doing, or I like to think so, at least.
I look around, taking in the crowd of chatty people around me. Vilith still wants me to take on some weird crusade for her people. But Gaius and the others areughing and joking about everything and nothing. Maybe, even if this is the start of my life as a part-time adventurer, I could still have some fun.
Somethinges to my mind.
Oh, Stanimal, listen. I need some help with a thingter. Ive been working on a veryplex spell to carry messages across great distances. So far, Ive not figured out much more than ying my voice through a light construct. I wanted to send a parting message to Lucinda since shes never given me the opportunity to reply. I have something important to tell her, and I need some closure. If you help me get some range, I can show you the spell Ive been working on!
Lucinda
Three months after her arrival at the Nine Towers Academy
It was deep into the night when Lucinda got back to her room. She opened the window to breathe some fresh air, tired after spending all this time segregated in the personal library of [Archmage] Titus. She had earned his favors after sharing her research and had got a fast-tracked apprenticeship. Everyone at the Nine Towers Academy was more than jealous of her.
She was already the star-pupil, the [Mage] you should keep your eye on and not slight because one day she was fated to join the ranks of the [Archmages].
Plus, she had also got a nice suitor among Tituss other disciples, Atticus.
Who knew what was going to happen in the future? But one thing was for sure; hers had never looked brighter.
Sometimes she felt little pangs of guilt for how she had treated Joey. But when he exined to her the insane theory he hade up with, the gears in her head started spinning unstoppably. She had to flee Amorium and bring what he told her to an [Archmage]. It had cost her a lot to get an audience, but the gamble had paid off.
In the end, even if Joey had made a crazy deduction, it didnt mean they had a future together. He was funny and easy-going, but that wasnt part of the world Lucinda was going for.
To this day, she still wondered how Joey managed to create the spells he had disyed in his bakery the day they had kissed. Lucindas ears red a little after diving into those memories, but she tried to calm down, nheless.
The rose had been an insanely difficult [Light] construct, but that had been as far as Joey had gone with his magic. And Lucinda suspected he would never go further than that because of hisziness. A rose wasplex enough to be impossible for him to break that ceiling.
Just as her thoughts hit that note, something appeared in her visual field.
She was now staring at a butterfly made of pure [Light], with minuscule junctures recreating theplex structure of its wings and shedding motes of light in the night as it fluttered its body around.
It was a celestial vision, something so stunning that Lucinda felt her throat go dry. Instantly, she ruled out it could have anything to do with Joey, for obvious reasons. She wondered if it was one of her masters great creations.
It was clear that it was a spell, probably an illusion, though. It would be too hard to build something like this from a simple spell matrix. It would have too many parts to visualize properly, and it could never produce such smooth movements could it?
The butterfly stopped on the edge of her windowsill, and Lucinda felt a flicker of magic vibrate through the air. Then, the butterfly spoke.
Yo! This is Joey speaking! Joey Luciani! Sad you had to go do your archmagery stuff; I will miss those buns!
Lucinda gasped and waited for several seconds to hear the rest of the message.
The butterfly took off and flew into the night, flickering and disappearing right after.
Turns out that was the whole message.
Chapter 101: Date
Chapter 101: Date
Some want money, some want fame, some want power.
Everyone wants something. Thats a tautology for you it means, in the original sense of the word, its a truthful statement by its very definition. Therefore, its useless.
In English, the mostmon use of tautology is to define saying the same thing twice over. Its like saying, this should be adequate enough, or a beginner who has just started, or a smelly Frenchman.
See, the bottom line is that tautology is an obvious statement.
Tautologies are essential, though, when you want to point out something at the fringes of these statements. It is true and tautological that everyone wants something, but its also an excellent opening to exin what you want differently.
So, while everyone wishes for gold, a royal title, or an overpowered artifact, I look for something else. To be precise, Im looking at a lovely woman across the table, and I have what some people would describe as macabre thoughts. Im not thinking of killing this sweetdy, obviously. Im just trying to fit her image in my simtion of the next sixty years of my life.
I use a whole host of questions and criteria to individuate the perfect candidate for my imminent marriage. The first one - as you already know - is the zombie apocalypse scenario. Thats the golden standard. The second one changes based on many factors. What are those factors, you ask? I dont remember; I have a terrible memory.
But right now, this is what Im thinking:
I want a womana wife I can visit at the cemetery. Unfortunately, since Im an idiot, I wont remember which flowers were her favorite, and that will make me feel incredibly guilty. Therefore, I will bring multiple flowers every day andy them across the tombstone, hoping that one of them was indeed her favorite.
One day, Ill visit the grave, and Ill find that every flower wilted overnight. Every flower but her favorite will tell me that my wife is still looking at my wrinkled muzzle from above.
Joey? Joey? Are you there?
Huh? I look at my date.
Her name is Decima, which in Latin means tenth.
It is a weird name, I know.
You spaced out, I hear her say.
That checks out.
I was thinking about work, I lie with a smile printed on my face.
I cant really tell her that I was thinking about her future death and forgetting which flowers she liked, can I?
By the way, what are your favorite flowers?
I dont really like flowers.
Thats a red g.
Who doesnt like flowers? my mouth widens.
I dont.
You do?
I dont, sheughs.
So, I say, hoping to change the topic of our conversation, how is work going?
Being a [Waitress] is not much fun, she shrugs again.
I wait for her to borate, but nothinges my way. Come on,dy, give me a hand!
And what do you do when you get back home?
Nothing much. I sew, sometimes. I made this dress; do you like it?
I look at a cute purplish piece of clothing, and I nod appreciatingly. Thats some skill right there. Possibly, a real skill, if you catch my drift.
I like the ancient Roman feeling I get from my dates. Its very imperialistic. I think theres something in the Italian part of my blood I mean, my parents are both Italian, now that I think about it. So, my blood should be full-Italian. But I guess that eating burgers for so many years put the American in Italian American. Anyway, this style entices my Italian ancestry quite a bit.
Is it true that you bought almost the entire district in front of the Adventurers Guild? she asks out of the blue with some urgency in her voice.
I think so? Its been what, five months since the Dungeon fiasco? This whole 27/9 system is really messing with me. I have not yet understood how months work.
Oh, I can exin that! she says cheerily.
Nu-hu, Im not learning it. Im good, thanks.
She giggles at that. I guess she already knows some stories about the quirky Human baker. Not [Baker], though, even if most people dont know that detail.
So, what are you doing with the ce?
What ce? my brain is still tired from working overnight with Stanimal on our special project.
The houses and shops that you bought.
Oh, right.
Yeah, I made a boatload of money. I had to make a couple of trips to that cursed ce. I swear people want me to die there. But the bakery is doing really well. Actually, Clodia and Cami told me they would murder me if I moved my shop one inch closer to theirs.
Are you talking about the owners of Happy Bakery and the Three Roses?
Shoot.
My brain just farted.
Whats this girl''s name, again?
Oh right, it was funny because its Latin meaning is tenth. Decima, then. Catastrophe averted.
Yeah, those two. They are haunting my ce at night, hoping I will sell them more recipes. I told them I wanted a share of the profits if I showed them something really cool. But they dont seem keen.
People say that your recipes have already made them a lot of money, Decima says.
Oh, yeah. I mean, thats what others have told me too. But they say I make too much money and that they shouldnt make me richer, I pass thest part as a joke, but I see a sparkle in this girls eyes.
See, Im not really offended by girls interested in money, as long as they like my personality too. I couldnt care less about how much I make, even if I tried to. Actually, I thought that by now our revenue would have gone down, if not almost negative. You would think that people would copy our recipes and take away some of the business.
However, multiple factors helped to prevent that.
First, my clientele is mostly adventurers. Now that Im a stupid Goldie, they respect me and want to learn stuff from me. People evene to my ce asking me to join their next expedition. Second, Stanimal is a madman; if I hadnt stopped his gangster-ish approach to business, we would have put half the bakeries in Amorium out of business.
How?
The man had sent the formerly homeless people, who are now super loyal to him and me, to threaten people who copied our recipes. See, these dear ex-homeless men had lived on the streets for a long time. They know what hardship is like, and once you convince them that they have value and can live a normal life, they dont want to go back to being losers. Their words, not mine.
So, yeah, I basically pulled a Mussolini, but instead of injured WWI veterans, I recruited swarms of homeless people. The Watch interrogated me on two separate asions to make sure I wasnt forming a criminal organization. I mean, the fact that they called me and not Stan is really telling of how dumb Drusillus is.
Me, organizing crime?
Sure.
I dont even organize my own finances, for Gods sake!
Cant I have a modicum of respect and be left alone?!
Chapter 102: The Great Elvish Bake-Off
Chapter 102: The Great Elvish Bake-Off
Ie back to the bakery and find all our employees working hard under Stans scrutiny. After all these months, many have reached a high level in [Baker] or simr sses. Some of them have even managed some specializations already.
Ive yet to get the [Baker] ss, for some reason. Its one of the things I try to ignore. Even though its cool having cooking skills and whatnot, I dont care about using magic for cooking or moving things around.
Some tried to breach the matter to me, but they clearly dont know me enough. I have two ways of dealing with things: ignoring them and fleeing from them. I have chosen the first for this.
How did the date go? I look at Lucillus in his tight-fitting uniform designed by Stan. If I didnt know better, I would say that Stanimal engaged in some very weird kinks in his free time. And sometimes, Im not even sure that I do know better.
Decima is a nicedy, but I dont think we clicked much. It was a nice lunch, though, I say with a hint of tiredness.
Whats the matter this time? the man sighs.
We didnt click, man. What do you want me to say? She was cute and all, but it just wasnt right. You know when you meet someone, and you are spell-struck?
Like with a [Charm]?
I exhale forcefully and notice a glint of glee in the guards eyes. Oh, this little rat. Hes annoying me on purpose!
Im going to dock your pay, I tell him.
You dont even know how much I am paid, Lucillus snorts.
Whatever it is, consider it docked, I say while rubbing my eyes. Anyway, Im going to catch some sleep. See youter.
Ive relinquished my room at Agostinas condo. I was never there, and Stan had me sign some property acts for the ces around here too. Which ones, Im not sure.
While walking towards the stairs, I hear Lucilluss voice.
Stan said that udius and some [Architect] areing overter! He wants you to attend!
Here we go. More work.
Yeah, I wave a hand without turning.
I still have to catch some sleep before I go back to the Cantrips.
Im at thest 69 Cantrips.
Hehe.
I cant help it, I swear.
Jokes aside, thest three sets of Cantrips proved to be much more difficult than I had imagined. I went at a slow pace for a while, and now I have a little more than seventy days left to solve these. The set of 23 right before this one included some truly mind-boggling exercises that had tens, if not hundreds, of moving pieces. I think I fainted multiple times from Mana exhaustionst week. And I cracked thest one only yesterday.
But s, the worst had yet toe. Now, the Cantrips have be the worst thing you could ever think of. No, not French people. The second worst thing you could think of.
Philosophical questions.
See, let me exin this to you while talking about a specific category of people.
Its all about energy.
When you get along with someone, you might hear: Bruh, I love your energy.
And thats fine. You could have a massive thug saying that, and it would still sound normal.
Now, theres a second breed of people that I absolutely loathe. When I first thought about Elves, thats the kind of people I was expecting them to be.
These are the ones that have no real connection with you but still say something like: Hey, dude, your energy is so positive; I think you have an incredible aura about you. I hope that some of those vibes will rub off on me.
First of all, a proclivity for verbosity is almost always bad. Second, I dont like people forcing things. Take Russian literature and its verbosity. They can write hundreds of pages that almost look like fluff, but its all about the reader''s subjective experience. Russian writers took the psychological introspection to a whole different level, making it clear that theres no right or wrong way to write a book; you can either write something well or not.
Instead, some people believe that a certain set of behaviors, even though inauthentic, can still be considered good in their own right. Such are the people who talk about energy, being positive all the time, good vibes, and all that stuff every single day. Its not a bad thing per se; in the same way, its not a good thing per se; there are just good moments and bad moments.
Long story short, these questions Cantrips are trippy. And Im not hippie enough to figure out the answer to the first question in an hour or so. Sadly, though, either I do that, or Im going to get zapped to death.
After a nice nap, I go downstairs to see whats happening in the kitchen. For all I want toplete the Cantrips, I also promised Stan I would keep an eye on the employees. The difference between a world with sses and one without is that I dont take anything for granted inside the bakery.
Plus, Stanimal finally got our cocoa production to the levels we need for our special project.
Yo, Quintus, Tiberius, my star employees, I wink at the two ex-homeless men and fellow army veterans. One of them has a wooden leg, Tiberius; the other, Quintus, only has one eye. Its a cool crew; Im not going to lie. Tiberius screams at night, and Quintus had a scoff with some adventurers, but other than that, they are perfectly normal.
Chef, they look up from their tables and speak.
They have a kind of air about them, like people who dont know how to do anything else in life but bake. They stare so hard at their pastries that sometimes I feel like one of those parents who want their children to go out and y.
But they are both two times my age, so
You should go out and y sometimes, I tell them with a smile.
They look up with a mix of annoyance and reverence.
Im not reallyfortable with that kind of gaze. Stan made a point of having everyone not just respect me but actively thank me for what I did for them. He says its about gratitude and having the right environment in the workce; in Stanimals opinion, employees should have a modicum of respect and reverence for their employer.
I hope they will drop the act in the future. Especially these two. They became religiously attached to baking and took to it like ducks to a pond filled with breadcrumbs.
So, show me what you have been working on, I tell them.
Chapter 103: Keep Baking
Chapter 103: Keep Baking
Tiberius is showing me a ssic pie decorated like an Italian crostata. The strips are much thinner than those on your average American pie, and thats because I had him put less sugar in the peach jam.
Taking a knife, I start testing the consistency with little taps. Theres no crisp metallic sound when the knife gently taps on the rim.
I do the same for the stripes, and this time, a slightly crusty tonends in my ears.
Perfect to touch, I tell Tiberius with a smile. Im not exaggerating; its truly well made. The stripes, as you know, are supposed to be slightly harder if you give them a cylindrical shape. This grants a difference in textures when you bite the pie.
I cut a slice and a piece of the border crust. After putting it in the palm of my hand, I check the consistency.
Tiberius and Quintus know me very well. I dont shout, nor do I like to be mean, but they both care so much about this trial that the two middle-aged men seem on the verge of crying as I try to conduct a professional inspection on this pie.
The crust is friable but soft. The base is a bit too hard, meaning that the oven experienced the wrong change in temperature, I say while looking at the inside. Its natural for a pie to have the lowest part more cooked, but when you go for a soft crostata, you have to minimize this effect as much as possible. Next time, experiment more with the oven. Try not to use skills. You have to develop your own sense for the oven and the raw materials you are using. For a professional baker, its hard to change ovens and materials and still perform at the highest level. It takes time to get ustomed to a recipe and the tools.
Tiberius nods briefly with the face of a man who just lost his other leg. Quintus nods somberly in his fellow soldiers direction, mourning his fall.
These two are so damn dramatic, I swear.
Tasting the pie, I notice a spicy undertone in the jam.
You put the ginger-like spice in the jam? I say with a raised eyebrow.
Chef, I didnt know if I was allowed to do it. But you always say that a true [Baker] is meant to experiment a lot before reaching their maturity.
I chew on the thing, and the taste takes me back to one of those cafs where they serve weird teas and infusions with original cake recipes, most of them containing weird spices. Its nothing ssic, like my style, but thats exactly why Im so impressed. The spice is mild and doesnt kill the vor of the jam, even though the bnce is still slightly off.
Theres something here, Tiberius. You have got something. Keep experimenting like this, and you will make an incredible [Baker], I smile and nod.
As if I just crowned him a knight with the Queens sword, the man nods with emotion barely restrained on his face. I take in his rugged face, full of wrinkles and bit by the sun. This man has seen a lot of shit, and he couldnt be happier I liked his cake. He has the smile of a person who finally has something now.
Goddamn, Tiberius, dont make these old eyes tear up, you and your damn wooden leg.
Quintus, I say to the other man after making sure I wont bawl. Show me yours.
Quintus nods and goes to fish out something from a cupboard with the freezing enchantment. Goddamn udius took forever to calibrate the runes.
Whats the difference between cold and too cold?
Stupid [Enchanters].
You dont want to freeze your products.
Quintus loves the cold recipes. He doesnt like getting near the oven, and, from what Tiberius has told me, he has his reasons. I shoot a stare at his closed and scarred eye before moving my gaze to his preparation.
Mousse au choct, I say out loud. Or chocte mousse.
He brings a ss chalice we had custom-made by a [ssmaker], or whatever thats called. I look at the simple arrangement Quintus used to decorate the mousse and nod to myself. Im not a fan of over-the-toppositions unless they are done amazingly well.
I look at the thin slices of orange that line the border of the chalice. I pick one up and stare at the submerged half.
You put the raw half inside the mouse and covered the rest in almost raw chocte, I say after smelling the chocte on the orange, the raw chocte barely touches the mousse, but its still enough to create darker and bitterer vor spots in it. The orange contributes to such taste, and I imagine you used something inside the mousse to counter it.
I take a spoon and gently put it through the famous dessert.
A good mousse has the right amount of air in it. This one is puffy, but its also dense, Quintus, I tell the guy who suddenly despairs. I raise my hand before he can speak. Let me taste it.
When the mousse hits my tongue, I feel the tangy taste of the orange, the bitter chocte, andwait, there is more.
This chocte has a very particr taste, I say while savoring the dish. It has some hints of alcohol, and its very sweet. Its not just the sugar but the chocte itself. How did you do this?
I fermented the chocte using some sugar and a sweet nt, Quintus replies with a proud smile. Stan helped me, Chef. I couldnt have done it alone.
I take another spoonful. The different tastes blend pretty well, creating a unique mix. Then, I take one of the orange slices, half-covered in chocte, and pop it in my mouth.
You will have to work on that fermentation, Quintus. However, not only have you made an original variant of the mousse but you have alsoe up with a new chocte preparation technique. That earns you extra points.
The man almost jumps in ce before I can finish.
But this orange is too soft, and it still has too much liquid. It creates a squishy mush in your mouth when you bite into it. You have to dry it and maybe candy the exterior before you cover it with chocte.
Quintus swore like a sailor for a few seconds before rposing himself and nodding at me.
Yes, Chef.
I wont repeat what he just said to avoid hurting someones ears but rest assured, it wasnt pretty.
Well, I yawn, someone get me a coffee, now. Who did you say wasing again?
udius and an [Architect], Chef, Tiberius replies while Quintus fetches one of the new employees who already knows how to make coffee.
I rub my eyes and nod, bored.
Yeah, whatever. Can we take them out for lunch? Im hungry.
Sure, Chef, Quintus and Tiberius reply while standing in attention.
As you were, soldiers, I say with a hint of desperation in my tone. You did an excellent job, both of you. Lets get something to eat together with whoever ising. Alright?
But Stan said this is a management meeting, Quintus says with a note of uncertainty in his voice.
Well, you are management, then, I raise a thumb-up, congrattions on your promotion.
Chapter 104: Goblin
Chapter 104: Goblin
Im at the restaurant with Quintus, Tiberius, and my notebook. I jotted down the first question, the one thats currently stumping me, and Im looking at it while we wait for the others to arrive.
What is the most important attribute of a [Mage]?
I swear, someone take a gun to my head right now!
What does that even mean?!
The most important attribute? Mana? Not dying? Practice? A big, swinging dong to hypnotize the cannibal Sirens trying to get you?
Oh, yeah, apparently thats a thing. Not anymore, it seems, but it was a thing. Juicy Sirens who could turn their tails into Human legs; the same creatures who ate people for quite a long time. From what Stanimal told me, its an open secret. Many know about it, but the Sirens dont do that anymore because otherwise, the entire world would go on a crusade to get rid of them once and for all.
The most insane thing is that apparently, one of Viliths people, these Vanedenis, lost his marbles one day and dived into the depths of the ocean to kill a famous [Tyrant] Siren.
Insane, yes.
But that does exin Vilith on many levels.
Anyway, less distractions. Come on.
[Single-Minded Focus]
What is the most important attribute of a [Mage]?
It could be an open-ended question. You could give me the best answer for your case or based on your experience, but Ive already tried that, havent I?
Even in my focused state, I only get static as an answer.
I deactivate the skill and put my forehead on the table.
Any problems, Chef?
I hear Tiberiuss voice while Quintus is probably nudging him and telling him not to disturb me.
Im trying to solve a theoretical question about magic, I say, propping myself up on my elbows. The question is fairly simple; what is the most important attribute of a [Mage]? but I dont have a good answer.
Tiberius looks at me, pondering, while Quintus averts his gaze and moves it toward the main counter of the restaurant.
Maybe its about your spells, Chef? Tiberius says with a hint of confusion.
Quintus turns sharply to his pal and struggles to keep his mouth shut.
Quintus, please, speak up. I told you theres nothing that you shouldnt be able to say in front of me. We can even badmouth Stan if you want.
At the mention of badmouthing my manager, they turn pale as a sheet.
Yo, I was joking, I sigh. Come on, Quintus, you have something on your mind, dont you?
Quintus looks at Tiberius, almost angry that he got thrown in the middle of the argument. But then, he turns to me and finally speaks. Tiberius is clearly older than Quintus and, in general, less restrained and shy. Quintus, for all hes very sharp and smart, suffers from some social awkwardness.
What is the most important thing that makes your magic different from others, Chef? You taught us that everyone worth their salt should have a signature dish and their own style.
I look at Quintus, and my jaw goes ck.
Chef, Im sorry if I overstepped, I probably said something stupid
AH! Quintus! For Petes sake! I think thats it! Every [Mage] has a different path or some bull like that! Incredible! I start banging my fists on the table, exhrated. It may sound stupid, but Im not good at abstractions such as this one. Im good if I have to apply my baking knowledge and teach it, but when you take things on a higher ne of abstraction, you lose me.
Joey! I hear a happy voiceing from behind me.
My soliloquist nature is disturbed by the jolliness of a short and rather pudgy Elf, who would rather lose a finger than miss a free meal.
udius, I wink at the [Enchanter]. We have grown closer during these months, the schr and me. Yeah, thats what he is, a schr. Apparently, [Enchanters] are the nerds among nerds. Magic itself is no joke and requires extensive studying and practice, but Enchanting is a thing of massive magnitude.
Plus, after thedy advice I had given him, udius finally got some action going on for him. I mean, it wasnt anything ground-breaking. I just told him not to talk about Enchanting for the whole duration of the meal, and he got some ears. Oh right, thats an Elven expression. Im getting toofortable here.
Stanimal, I wave at the old man. Hes wearing in clothes and is walking slowly and deliberately. Grigio at his side eyes everyone and shows a glimpse of his sharp fangs from time to time to discourage wrongdoers from approaching.
The silvery man nods at me and strokes his long beard, which is something almost unique among fair-skinned Elves.
I see a third person with an aloof air about him walk in right behind my Stanimal. And hes a
This is Lakaris, Stan points at the green-skinned man.
Am I seeing things?
I look at the person like a Frenchman would look at a bar of soap its something Ive never seen before!
Are you a Goblin? I ask with wide eyes.
Said Goblin is wearing simple but elegant clothes lined with leather and decorated with silvery patterns.
Is this the owner? the Goblin points a sharp finger at me while speaking to Stan.
He is, Mr. Lakaris, Stan nods his head in a small bow.
Does he have a problem with Goblins? the [Architect] asks with a non-plussed tone.
I think hes just never seen one before.
Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain in my side, and I turn to find a pale udius.
Joey! Thats one of the most famous [Architects] in the world! Ive applied countless times to work under him, but he only selects the best of the best! He doesnt even care about money! He only takes projects based on how interesting they are! udius looks like hes on the verge of a seizure.
The high-level [Architect] looks smug after hearing udiuss words.
Well, Lakaris, nice to meet you, I smile and wave to the other end of the table. Pardon my manners, but, as Stan said, Ive simply never seen a Goblin before. Not many races walk around Amorium.
The Goblin seems slightly assuaged by my apologies and nods.
Amorium is an architectural marvel, but its also at the very center of Epretos. Few races travel so far. Besides Humans, but they usually dont bear goodwill.
Epretos? I ask, confused.
The Goblin looks as confused as me.
Yes? he says.
Epretos is the continent we are on, Joey, I hear Stanimals voice from the side, clearing up my doubts.
Oh, thats the name of the continent! Okay!
You dont know Lakaris almost chokes on his spit and starts coughing, surprised by my ignorance.
No reason why I should bother with information I dont need. Knowing or not knowing the name of the continent is hardly useful, now, is it?
udius is fidgeting so hard by my side Im forced to shoot a hard stare at him. This guy really likes the green fellow, doesnt he? Well, Ill try ying nice if it means udius gets his internship or whatever.
So, Mr. Lakaris, I say with a big smile. What brings you here?
The Goblin seems to have decided Im aplete idiot because he stares at me for a couple of seconds before looking at Stan.
Is he serious?
He has no idea who you are and why I called you, the old man replies with some mirth between his eyes.
I dont know what strings you pulled, Lakaris says, looking at Stan with some diffidence, but my patience has limits. And my time is even more limited.
Joey, Stanimal is addressing me now, Mr. Lakaris is an [Architect] of the finest kind. I submitted a request for construction to the city and got it approved, but only as long as hes the one doing the job. Its an honor having him redesign a part of the city, you know?
Oh, you old fox. I know what you are doing. Yeah, yeah, lets go along with the ttery.
He does look very professional, I nod amiably, Im sorry, Mr. Lakaris, Im just very ignorant about the world. I guess Stanimal hired you to work on the bakery and the other buildings. Or whatever. It doesnt really matter. Do you need my input, or do you just do your thing?
The Goblin is chewing the inside of his mouth and has a dark look on his face. His big nose is looking more and more like a gleaming hook on the hand of a dangerous pirate.
Are you a [Jester]? You have a meeting with me, and you dont have any idea of what the procedure is? Why should I even work with you, then? Can you even afford me?
In order: Im not a jester; no idea about any procedures, Stanimal takes care of that stuff; I have no interest in working with a rude person, but if you can do a fine job, why not; I have no idea whether we can afford you or not, I look at Stan while saying thest part.
Oh, we can afford him. Even a couple of hims, really, the old manughs. But this time, its a powerfulugh, the kind infused with whoever he really is. The pressure of his levels came out in full swing, making everyone at the table feel like they were about to be squashed like tiny insects.
Lakaris looks wary now.
Lets talk, then, he says while eyeing the exit.
Chapter 105: Bet
Chapter 105: Bet
Say that again? the Goblin asks with wide eyes.
My only condition for you to work with me is that you hire udius for this job. I want him on the enchanting. Is that a problem?
We dont just hire anyone, Human, the Goblin is clearly tired after having haggled with Stan about a bunch of stuff I couldnt care less about. I have a professional team of [Builders], [Enchanters], [Masons], and so on. To make it on my team, you have to be the best of the best. And Im not sure what your standards for magic are, Luciani, but mine are pretty high.
You know, I shouldnt.
I really shouldnt.
This is like viin makes a stupid bet, and the protagonist ps him in the face with his greatness but then creates ripples and problems of every kind for himself because people start noticing him 101. But its also true this guy just insulted my magic and udius.
Bring me your [Enchanters], then, Iugh, the one who can make the first three Cantrips as perfectly as possible wins. If I win, you take udius. If you win, Ill pay you double. Stanimal, could we afford that? I ask my man.
He nods and winks.
Man, I love Stanimal so much.
Lakaris is now wary.
I know you are a Gold-rank, the [Architect] says, but my [Enchanters] are over level 40, young man. They are both over fifty years old, and they have extensive experience and insights on magic that you cant possibly match. Are you sure you want to be humiliated?
Oh, someones scared, I mock. What do you say, if one of your [Enchanters] can do one Cantrip better than me, whatever Cantrip they choose, Ill pay you four times your rate. If I win, you take udius and one-fourth of time to work.
Ill even fork the cost of the basic materials myself if a stupid young Human can do that, Lakaris snarls.
See, Im not apetitive baker. Its not who I am. Im sure there are many people like that out there, but I prefer to rx. However, when you dismiss my friends and me just because, you need to be taught a lesson, dont you?
Call them up, I wink and click my tongue.
I have no doubts that these people know magic much better than me, but Im positive I could give an [Archmage] a run for their money if we yed it on Cantrips. I have spent so long polishing these stupid things. And the more you do, the more the previous ones get better.
Now I can do the color trick that Stan used the night Iyeah, that night.
Oof, it still hurts a bit, doesnt it? It stings. And it stinks too.
The [Architect] fumbles with his belt before taking out a stone and saying something to it. Theres some kind of a [Silence] spell while he uses it because I cant hear a word even though hes right in front of me.
They are on their way, Lakaris says with a smile. Theres some pity for me in his eyes because he thinks Im delusional.
I get it. I get where hesing from.
During my first tours in the Dungeon, I met my fair share of overconfident adventurers. As for myself, Im still exceedingly cautious about my Dungeon diving, even though Stanimal let me keep the artifacts hed given me. But lets talk about this at another time.
Why dont we order some food while we wait?
I wave my hand at a [Waiter], and thedes to take our orders.
A steak and some lide, thetter are the eggnts-like veggies.
The same for me, the [Architect] says with a hint of tiredness in his voice.
My best guess is that this man believes he just wasted a trip for a senile, old man and a young, arrogant idiot.
A mix of your freshest vegetables and fruits, Stan says. Im not feeling very carnivorous today.
Stanimal is like that. One day he will order a bunch of bloody meat; the next, hes going vegan. Why? I never asked. I bet you that it has something to do with his ss. Goddamn [Druids].
So, Mr. Lakaris, I say while chomping down on some snacks that the waiter brought us while we wait for our food, howe you became an [Architect]?
I look at the green guy with a lot of interest. His face and overallplexion dont reflect themon image of a Goblin from my worlds tales. Its more like a slightly disfigured human. Or maybe its Humans who are pinkish Goblins; what about that, huh?
You dont know much about my race, do you? the Goblin is almostpletely still when he talks. There are no hand gestures or big movements on his part. Its weird for me, especially considering my Italian roots.
Not a thing, I reply with a huge smile.
Im genuinely curious. I dont necessarily want to know that much about this world, but I also dont feel like missing such a chance.
Well, Goblins are [Architects], [Designers], and [Engineers] by trade. Since Epretos opened their gates to us, we have done a great deal of work here, he points at the roof of the restaurant. Even those architraves lining the roof are typical Goblin architecture. It looks like a simple copy, but its a good copy. My people have a lot of respect for Elves, and weve worked together for a long time. I would say that apart from the Antidosis, no one is closer to them than ourselves.
Antidosis? I ask with a curious expression.
They are Humans, Joey, Stan intercepts my question. They are the most prominent [Bankers] and [Treasurers] in the world. Even though we dont allow many banks here, they had invested a lot of gold in us when we were fighting in the Continental Wars. There are some in Amorium, and youve even met a couple of them. You remember the Humans who came to me with an investment proposal for the bakery?
Oh yeah, those people, I nod. I dont really remember that, honestly. But Stanimal scolded me once because I couldnt recall an important order of business at the bakery. He said I should be more responsible.
Anyway, you know, Im not a huge fan of history, to be honest. Im a fan of the kind of history full of made-up facts. You know, like some of ancient history thats justified with I saw that in a dream or yeah, a friend said that, and I just wrote it down in my Historiae. Thats the kind of history I enjoy reading. But it seems that they have a lot of stuff here that I dont know and would love to know more about.
But before I dive deeper into the Elves, I want to discover more about the green fes.
If you dont mind, Mr. Lakaris, would you tell me more about Goblins? Whatever fact or storyes to your mind. We can use them to while the time away before our betes to fruition.
Chapter 106: Goblins
Chapter 106: Goblins
Goblins like building things, for some reason, Lakaris said with a detachment from his own race, and we have some of these sses engrained in our blood in the same way the Vanedenis have [Heroes] in theirs. Or how the Sirens, with their devious sses, should be dered monsters and be in with no quarter for negotiation.
udius and other diners go stiff when the green guy mentions the Sirens.
Master Lakaris, we shouldnt
Shut it, Lakaris snarls, Id personally murder every single one of those treacherous creatures. Bastards, to thest one of them. If they take offense with my words, Ill be happy to address their concerns in one of my fortresses.
Lakariss temper res up for a second, but he does a U-turn in the next moment.
Im sorry, the older I get, the more I lose my temper. Ive lost some people at sea, and Im pretty sure the Sirens were behind it. So, I dont like them. But I shouldnt have spoken like that. Again, Im sorry.
I look at the Goblin, bewildered. Howe this guy goes on a rampage one second and then does this the other? I look around, and I see that Im the only one surprised.
Is this a typical Goblin thing? Do they have bursts of rage followed by heartfelt apologies?
Anyway, Goblins are everywhere. We dont have our own cities, and we share most of our settlements with other races. Unlike Elves and Humans, we go along with everyone.
Everyone but Sirens, it seems.
Plus, Im really liking the idea of mshell bikinis right now. However, I feel like it wouldnt be a good moment to ask if they indeed wear such apparel.
Im part of the [Architecture] Guild, which is mostly managed by Goblins, not unlike the [Engineers] Guild and a few others. We dont discriminate toward other races, but few are as interested in these professions as we are.
Are Goblins good [Smiths]? I ask.
I see why you might think that, but the answer is no, we are not. Elves are very good at smithing, probably among the best. Plus, their good magical aptitude makes them more than capable at handling magical metals.
Huh, thats cool. Whos the best at magic, then?
The Goblin inhales lightly at that question.
Depends on whom you ask. If you ask this question on Kome, depending on whom you are talking to, you will get two answers: the Vanedenis will say its the Vanedenis, the Ahalis will say its the Dragons, their former masters. If you ask the same question anywhere else, most will say its the Hydras.
So, Dragons are a thing. And something tells me that my dear spellbook was a Dragons property or maybe even a more dangerous creature.
Whats a Hydra? And an Ahali?
Lakaris looks at Stan, incredulous. Hes probably wondering how it is possible for me to be so ignorant. Well, Lakaris, friend, Ie from another world, what else can I say?
A Hydra is a humanoid form that evolves into a bigger and bigger creature when it levels. The legendary one who fought for world-domination a couple of millennia ago had seven heads. In Hydra culture, its believed that the maximum could be nine heads, but there are no real records of that.
World-domination?
The Hydras tried to take over the world when their society was at the forefront of magic. Almost every other race came into a united front to fight them. Its the biggest conflict we have a record of.
Oh, so I gather the allies won, Iugh.
Stan and Lakaris exchange a poignant look.
They didnt? But we are not under a Hydrean dictatorship, are we?
Lakaris sighed.
The Vanedenis joined the conflict as a third yer, and they defeated both, forcing everyone to pay annual taxes to them. They had the Hydras pay so much in reparations that their economy has not yetpletely recovered to this day. The number of artifacts and relics they stole from their academy and capital is insane.
Wait a second, are you telling me that these Vanedenis attacked both parties, and they won? Why does Vilith say they are in trouble now? Arent they some super-warriors?
Its a long story, young man, Lakaris slowly looks around while answering, and its not my ce to tell. Ask your Vanedeni friend for details. Im sure she would provide you with many. They dont like when outsiders butt in their stories and spread rumors. They may have fallen in disgrace, but history has taught us to respect them even if we think they are done. Because no one has ever truly defeated the Vanedenis.
Theres reverence in Lakaris''s tone for the first time since we have begun discussing.
Yeah, Ill skip the asking part. Vilith already wants me to help her people; Id rather keep to myself as much as possible before she truly manages to rope me in somehow.
Lakariss eyes go wide, and now I can see his irises have more than one color. They are green, purplish and ck.
A Vanedeni asked you to help with their war?
Before I can answer that, I hear steps behind me.
Master Lakaris, we are here.
Two middle-aged men in long robes shoot an icy stare at me.
Oh, right.
The bet.
Well, lets get going!
Chapter 107: Cantrips
Chapter 107: Cantrips
Im a man who enjoys simple things, mostly. I like a simple meal without many ingredients, and I like to worry about only a few things at once. I dont like when theres too much clutter in my life it makes me nervous and unnecessarily anxious. My mother used to say that if I only took on a few more responsibilities, I would have the city at my feet. However, Ive never been interested in that kind of thing. Let the ounts and bnces be run by someone else who doesnt enjoy baking, not me. Let me enjoy the things in life that make me happy I dont need to worry about how much money I make, how some people on the other side of the world would enjoy my baking very much, and so on.
In the end, I can only feel and see whats in front of me, and thats how I enjoy living. Few people are blessed with true happiness in both worlds, be it on Earth or this weird, magical ce. One of the reasons that it is so is because people worry about too many things; they have the incessant need to have everything under control.
I barely have a hold on my bakery. Im sure that if Stan decided so, Id be out of the job tomorrow. But who cares? Id find another one. And Im having fun in the meanwhile, lots of fun. Happiness doesnt have a price tag on it. It appears Ive made some money here in the same way I did back on Earth, and, to my moms dismay, Ive never really cared about making more.
Sure, I learned more about baking as soon as I graduated high school. Mind you, I was working as one already before graduating, and only my moms nagging convinced me to actually get a degree in it. After that, I traveled a bit to learn from the masters, and a few yearster, I had my own ce.
Thats all I need in the world, my little slice of a Big Apple. And even though Amorium is nothing like Brooklyn, I like to think Im cutting myself a little slice here as well. Not having a [Baker] ss is a huge sign that something is amiss with me, sure, but I dont really care about that either. Being a [Mage] I mean, not exactly a [Mage], hehe is good enough.
But see, I also have my raging fits and a little pride that I take here and there. Plus, even though I dont give a rats ass about what others think of me, its not pleasant to see your friends belittled. I believe theres always a higher ceiling above you, and you should always behave as such. It may be cheesy, but thats another one of my moms teachings.
Never be arrogant, Joe, or someone will wipe the floor with your ass one day.
Yeah, my ma isnt the most refineddy in existence.
Anyway, I tune in to what the two [Enchanters] are saying.
so based on all that, it would only be fair to give you a little advantage.
I snort.
Young man, theres no reason to be humiliated in front of everyone, Lakaris says. My crew is made up of the best of the best. Losing this bet is a big loss of face for such a young [Mage] like you, and it would be bullying if we didnt give a small chance to win.
Stan is on the side with his smart-ass face on, caressing his beard. Hes probably trying not to smirk, right? Goddamn, Stanimal, you little fox. Was this part of your n?
I dont even know why I think so, but I suddenly feel that Stan orchestrated at least a part of this.
Come on, choose a Cantrip, you two, I say with a hint of annoyance in my voice.
The two look at Lakaris, who nods with a sigh. They are both Elves, and they shrug while looking at me.
Im Marcus, young Human, the middle-aged Elf nods to me. Lets go with the 1st Cantrip. Its probably the one you know best.
How condescending.
I know that these people somehow took a liking to me or simply pitied me, but this whole drama about not humiliating the poor Human who doesnt know better is getting on my nerves.
Well, lets see what you got, I smile like a Cheshire cat at the [Enchanter].
The man summons two [Lights] as big as fists that slowly but surely start picking up speed. Its a gradual process before they settle into an almost perfect motion. Theres only a very faint hint of jaggedness. After around a minute and a half, they disappear under the satisfied grin of my opponent.
Huh?
Thats it?
I could do better than that months ago!
Are you sure thats your best attempt? I ask, cringing.
Dont be scared, the man waves away what he interprets as my concerns. Its natural for you to be
I sigh and snap my fingers.
Four [Lights] the size of his head appear around him, close to his head, and they start rising in the air and expanding their orbits. They almost reach the ceiling before stopping and reaching their maximum eleration. Now, keeping the movement constant, I add a little light-shedding effect and change their colors.
Manipting a spell in mid-air is doable for me now. Its actually easier than you would think. You just have to draw on the existing matrix while making sure not to touch the important bits. The book said that the Cantrips I practiced, those around the 200th, I think, will be very useful for when I have to learn to [Dispel] enemy spells.
Oh, man, I really need to get back home and take care of the stupid Cantrips question. Plus, I have to remember to keep asking Quintus and Tiberius for advice. Quintus just solved the problem that was
Thats incredible, I hear the [Enchanter] say. Hes not even ashamed; his attention has just been caught by my little spectacle of [Lights].
Thank you, its nothing much, though, really, I say with a smile.
I look at the other [Enchanter] who has suddenly gone pale. Lakaris himself looks like he just caught me in bed with his mother.
Yo, Lakaris. Do I have to go through another Cantrip with your other [Enchanter], or should I start writing down that I only owe you half the money for the job?
Joey, its one-quarter of the money; thats what you said, Stanimal corrects me from the side.
Yeah, thanks for reminding me, Stanimal. Well, that and did we bet on something else?
The problems the Cantrips threw at me really distracted me from everything else.
udius as part of his crew, Stan adds.
Yeah, that too. Good. You know what, I might even learn some [Enchanting] if my training allows it. It looks like I could nerd out a little on that virgin-made stuff.
I sit back down and start eating again, ordering more Lide and another steak amidst the bbergasted looks of Lakaris and his crew. Man, magic really makes you hungry, huh?
Chapter 108: Ruthless
Chapter 108: Ruthless
I dont like rubbing it in. When I win, I mean. Unless Im ying cards with Stanimal: the man clearly cheats somehow, and I can count on one hand the times I won at his stupid Elven game of poker or whatever its called. But, in general, Im not interested in poking people after having won. I find it silly and counterproductive. Plus, I really need to finish these stupid Cantrips before I blow myself off the face of this with a massive [Thunderbolt].
Indeed, Im in my room above the bakery while Stanimal discusses some stuff with
Have I ever told Stanimal Im from another world? Huh. I should mention that. It would be a good input for the re-building of the bakery or whatever Lakaris will be working on.
Anyway, while Stan is discussing some stuff with the Goblin and his crew, Im at my little desk with the tome open and many sheets of parchment on the side. Its not really parchment, to be honest. Elves made a very rough form of paper, and its actually not half-bad.
I look at the question.
What is the most important attribute of a [Mage]?
Nine words, ck on white, that seem to be mocking me.
So, book, my answer is that every mage has their own path. A [Mage] has to fit their style and cannot simply follow others blindly. Therefore, the most important thing is to have a singr, unique, and original identity.
The book writes something right below the sentence.
There is no right answer to this question, my student. When I first started learning magic, I struggled to fit everything inside boundaries. I tried to find absolute truths that would make my practice easier, but I discovered that I was just paddling against the flow. Magic is chaotic and will always be inherently so. One can form their own understanding, but they cannot force magic to be one thing only. What you see can and should be shared, but never should a student copy every move of their master if they want to seed. It has been proven over and over that people can cast spells while imagining them differently but with the same efficiency and power. Magic is a trip through the densest forest or the tallest jungle. Hack it at your will to discover its greatest secrets but know that if you just follow the tracks already made before you, you will advance no further than where those people got. Magister Mulligan
So many words, man. But thanks, Mulligan fellow. This broken and murderous book is not that bad. I do wonder how any other person would have survived it, but its good enough for me, I guess.
I look at the book, waiting for the next question with the enthusiasm of a student waiting for their finals.
For the 508th Cantrip, Magister Mulligan has crafted this question for you: What is the most important thing when using a magic shield?
What?
What does that mean?
Making sure it doesnt break and saves your life? I almostugh at my own stupid answer. I fully expect to be zapped, but Im so exasperated
New ink appears on the page.
Some [Philosophers] would give a different answer, my student, but they are probably dead because of some stray arrow that took them. The most important thing a shield has to do is to protect you. It doesnt matter how; it doesnt matter if the shield breaks and reforms every single time. Theres no wisdom deeper than simply having a shield capable of protecting you. Some employ a uniyered shield without subunits. Some employ multi-shields with many subunits that break before the entire shield, guaranteeing more durability. Is there a correct answer? No, there is not. If your Mana pool is several timesrger than your enemys, a shield without subunits will be much more effective because the enemy willnot be able to prate it at all, whereas it would be dangerous having subunits against weaker opponents, as they may break a part of the shield. Vice-versa, if you have a stronger opponent, you might not want your shield to crack all at once, but you would prefer having at least partial protection during every attack.
I look at the book with wide eyes.
Is the Mulligan fellow for real? Like, did he run out of ideas when writing thest part of the book? The said spellbook turns a page, and new ink appears.
For the 509th Cantrip, Magister Mulligan has crafted this question for you: What is the most important thing when using an offensive spell?
Not wasting your Mana? I say, cringing.
The book doesnt react.
Huh.
Ill say the two previous answers may sound stupid, but they do have a lot ofmon sense. I suppose that being an [Archmage] is not just about being mysterious and magical, but its about having a deeper knowledge of the world and using it. When you go full circle, some of the mostplicated questions in the world have the simplest answer. The simpler the answer, the more elegant it is.
I suppose that not wasting your Mana is not a priority if your enemy will kill you swiftly. So, my second guess would be
Winning as swiftly as possible without wasting time?
New ink appears on the page.
Many [Archmages] perished because of their arrogance. Battles and wars are a ruthless business. When you hesitate, you give your enemy an opening. If you dont use your killing blow when you know it would catch the other off-guard, you will die in a duel sooner orter. People save up their strength just to have it squandered when the enemy makes a lucky break. Always strike to kill. It may be sensible to wait for an opportunity if you dont know anything about the enemy or if the enemy is much stronger than you. But the more you wait, the higher the chances you will die. Every additional second your adversary lives, the more the chances of you dying to them. Dont waste your pity, dont waste words. If someone tried to kill you, just kill them in return and give them no quarter.
This book has really run out of ideas.
Chapter 109: Faith
Chapter 109: Faith
For the 528th Cantrip, Magister Mulligan has crafted this question for you: Which quality is quintessential for a [Mage]?
My eyes are bloodshot. Ive been buried in my room for the past 60 hours. Stan has brought me some food and told me Lakaris wanted to speak with me. But Im done messing with this book. I want to rid myself of all these Cantrips, and Im so close. Just so close. I barely slept and spent most of my time borating theories and crafting answers to appease the book. The questions got weirder and weirder and more general. Right now, I feel like I would like to smash my head through a wall rather than answer one more question. But this is the second tost. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The tiredness brings some anger out of me. Its something I cannot stop; this fire that rages through my veins wants me to smash things, hurt people, and consume my enemies.
Come on, do I even have enemies?
I think about the Nine Towers Academy and Lucinda. Whoever shes consorting with right now, Id love to kill them.
What? Where did that thoughte from?
I rub my eyesIm so tired, man. Im so, so tired. I just want some rest, but at the same time, the same adrenaline is coursing through me as that of a kid finishing a video game campaign on a Sunday night. My bakery can run mostly on its own, and I told Stanimal to stall Lakaris a bit. I would need my full focus on these Cantrips to finally get rid of them with about a month to spare.
Focussee, thats the most important thing. To be able to focus on something without worrying about other stuff. All my friends and family always have something else to think about while they are really supposed to be only doing the one thing in front of them. Whats the point of worrying? No point, Im telling you.
I met this Italian woman once who had gone through a lot of stuff, and her most interesting virtue was that she literally didnt care. It was her superpower. Theter years of her life improved considerably after the recession of the early 2000s, but she still didnt recover thevish Roman lifestyle she had conducted before. And she didnt care. She spent her money when she had it, and she spent it when she was poor. That was her life. No nning, simply enjoying the moment. Her family didnt exactly love her, but most people were simply jealous of her.
Thinking about my trips through Italy, I can feel a cid calm wash the anger and the grudges away from my body. Im slowly getting back to normal. The darkness in me recedes and goes to sleep. My thoughts are not entirely coherent, sadly, but thats because Ive been barely sleeping.
Two more questions.
Thats my only concern.
Ive karate-kidded my way up to the 528th Cantrip; I cant stop now.
Magic.
I smile to myself.
Yes, Magic. With capital M.
Which quality is quintessential for a [Mage]?
I look at the question and get a shback from my past life.
Joe! You havent done the dishes! my mom screams from my kitchen.
Ma! Its my house! Cant I revel in my filth without you nagging at me?
You cant live like this! Not even a pig would live here! she keeps screaming even though we are talking from two adjacent rooms in a normal t with the doors open.
Italian moms.
Why not? Look, I like pigs; cant I be one?!
Mio Dio! Joe! Come on; you cant do that! You know better! A good man has to take care of himself, especially if you want to find a nice wife! Nowadays, women dont take care of the house like they used to, so you are supposed to do your part!
Cant I find myself a nice man, instead? One good at cleaning? I say, knowing full-well that my mom is really not that progressive.
Dont say that stuff! What if the neighbors hear that?! she screams even louder, totally defeating the purpose of her words.
My neighbor Sarah has many gay friends, mom. I think she even goes to those rallies for their rights, I tell her,ughing.
Oddio! my mom looks ill.
Yeah, shes a bit like that; what can you do? We still make cakes for gay people, at least. Actually, I think my mom loves to help with some of the very extra cake requests that we get, choke-full of colors and rainbows. Does she even know that the rainbow has been acquired by the gay consortium? Huh, thats a good question.
Joey, you should go to church more often, my mom looks at me severely.
Thats what you say after I threaten to have a gay husband? Like, why should going to church make me less gay? I bet there are more secretly gay husbands in our church than in a gay bar, I tell her whileughing. Look at Mr. Smith. Going to church really didnt help him, did it?
My mom is incinerating me with her gaze aftering to my room. Im trying to find an old phone charger since mine just died.
You will die single if you keep up that attitude, my mom uses one of her favorite one-liners.
When she understands that Im not going to reply, she changes the topic.
How was the trip to the Academy? she asks with a softer tone.
It was cool. I learned a lot about chocte. I think I made a few Chefs angry because I skipped a couple of lessons, but I still got the degreecertificate, whatever they call it. I actually got a few proposals to work with some of the guest Chefs who came to teach us some special techniques.
Did you take them? my mom asks with her eyes full of hope, but I can see that her light wrinkles already know the answer.
No, ma, Im not interested in ving away under some Chef for years and years. Id rather enjoy my life.
But you are so good, amore mio, why dont you have more faith in yourself? You could be a top Chef! You could be the next Gordon Ramsey! Or the next Iginio Massari! Oh, did you meet Cannaviuolo? Did he p your shoulder?!
Jesus, I must cancel those Italian cooking channels from her TV.
No, ma, Cannaviuolo wasnt there. I went there to learn, not to meet celebrities.
Said chef is a famous MasterChef Italy judge who ps the shoulders of the contestants. This guy is like 6.3 feet per 290 pounds, a veritable tank. Thats why his signature move makes my momugh so much.
Joe, if you had a bit more faith, you could be anything. You know, your grandfather used to say that what makes a great football yer is that they know they are good, and they believe every move they make. If they get doubts, they be much weaker. You should have more faith in yourself! my mom says with passion. Then, as if shes forgetting something important, she quickly adds: And in God! Remember, faith in yourself and in God! But more in God! But remember
faith is everything. Without faith, you cant do what you do. The only reason I could be as good as I am, book, is because I had faith that my methods were the right ones. I would have probably never made it if I had doubted myself, as I do in other fields. Instead, be it for my own ignorance or faith in myself, I casted magic above my paygrade. And now, Im here because I keep believing that Im made for magic and that magic is made for me.
Chapter 110: Love
Chapter 110: Love
Baking is fun and enjoyable. I always found something special in making food for others, especially when ites to the sweeter side of cooking. Even though you are feeding a lot of empty calories to people, it will be the highlight of their day. While talking to their family after a day of work, the father will talk about the incredible croissant he had for breakfast, not the in sandwich he had for lunch.
And I always craved that recognition, the love of someone you can feed. Its a natural instinct for me, a need to be worthy of something. And even though I dont care about wider recognition, I care a lot about it in a smaller, one-on-one setting.
But now, something is different.
I look at the book where new ink appears to give me yet another life lesson, and I cant help but think Ive never felt like this. Ive never felt this warmth in my chest for something other than love. Is this love?
Baking is as easy and rewarding as ying a video game, but theres always something that makes it tiring. I cant bake non-stop like this. My brain simply wouldnt work, and it wouldnt want to work.
Magic is different, somehow. It grips the chords of my soul in a way that I never expected possible. It consumes my attention like dating Penelope Cruz in her twenties would have.
Is this why I have not gained even a level in [Baker]? Is my heart simply refusing to acknowledge myself as a baker? Is it just a hobby? My brain feels like Jell-O, and this thought slides in against my will. Normally, Id ignore it, but my weary state makes it so that Im floating and bouncing ideas around, not under my own purview; it just happens.
Am I Joey the [Baker], or am I Joey the [Mage]?
Suddenly, another thought intrudes.
Should I have foreseen Lucindas intentions? Was it really about trust, or was it more about not wanting to see the truth?
As mentioned previously, trust and kindness are the two most important things in the world. But I wonder if I wasnt just lying to myself.
Was there a part of me that wanted to test Lucinda?
My dreamy state volunteers a new question, a whisper of my subconscious.
Was I really intended to test her? Was that the reason I gave her my magic, to see if she would leave me afterward?
I purse my lips before ending up in a rueful smile. That smile bes a sigh as my thoughts run rampant.
I am not a [Baker], I say aloud.
It was not the first time I thought it. It was a factual statement, a simple acknowledgment of reality. But s, even reality can hurt. Or should I say that especially reality hurts?
Im a [Mage], I say with a smile.
See, thats the thing. Theres some relief when I say such things aloud.
Im a [Mage], I repeat.
I mean, Im also not a [Mage] since my ss is a tad moreplicated than that. But lets talk about thatter. A man is entitled to his little secrets.
I look at the book.
This lesson is true for every profession, dear student. It doesnt matter if you are working as a [Bricyer] or as an [Archmage]. Confidence is paramount for your magic. You will find that some challenges can only be ovee when you have overestimated your capabilities. Being prudent is good for the dangerous daily life of an [Archmage], but if you dont know when to be adventurous and heroic, you will only be a glorified [Mage]. [Archmages] are meant to be the pinnacle of the world. They are what moves countries around. They can spell mark the pun, student the beginning or the end of a war
The book makes new ink appear just below.
Be careful about moving around, student, but when you move, be relentless.
For the first time since I started using the book, I feel a bout of pride take over my heart. I feel the same foolishness of a young knight ready to go to battle. I cant help it. I feel like Im getting closer to a level of existence that I have only read about in fiction.
I inhale the stale air in my room as if it came straight from the Garden of Eden.
Book, show me thest Cantrip.
The book turns a page, and something different appears this timeits not the usual jet-ck ink. Its deeper, and its emitting a profound aura, thick with Mana.
I blink.
Then, I blink again.
I blink another time, just to make sure.
This is not my room, is it?
Im in a huge room lined with pearl-white walls. There is thick energy around me, and the environment feels richer than anything Ive ever experienced. A huge chandelier hovers in the middle of the room, levitating halfway through the ceiling.
The first person able to clear the hardest trial, a voicees from behind me.
Turning, I find myself staring at a middle-aged man wearing a simple white robe, in tone with the rest of the ce. His eyes, though, have multi-colored irises that shine slightly.
I would have expected a Vanedenis to be the first toplete this. But my book was indeed not that well-made. I tried my best, but it ended up being a fatal contraption. Its actually surprising that you made it and are still alive. After that stupid Dragon had raided my treasury, I figured that my consciousness and myst gift to the world would rot in her cave.
I realize my tiredness has gone away and that my mind has never been sharper.
I think you have many questions for me. But let me anticipate some of them if you dont mind. Im Magister Mulligan, but my real name is Lord Juler. Im from the Epodes family, and even if you were to know Vanedenis Lore, you wouldnt know me. Just know that Im Lord Juler, [Supreme Archmagus] of my era and probably many others. Only the very ancient records that go back to the fall of the Dragons document of a stronger spellcaster than me. I helped Skier and Fer win their war, but magic was always my focus. I have brought the Hydras low, without them even realizing. That puny little snake with seven heads tried to oust me. He could have hoped to defeat me with nine heads, maybe. But dont allow an old man to reminisce so much. You are currently seeing a projection of the consciousness I had infused in the Omnium Compendium. Ive been watching you, Joey Luciani, and Im surprised that
My brain finally catches up to where this conversation is most likely going.
WHOA! I have to stop you right there! Vanedenis? You are one of Viliths people? Oh, hell no, I say, putting my hands up. Im not fighting that war on your behalf! Hell no!
I start backpedaling and looking for an exit from this hellish ce. Im 100% sure there isnt one, but looking for it cant hurt. I think.
Chapter 111: Shortcuts
Chapter 111: Shortcuts
I have not asked anything, Juler says with a calm demeanor. I am here because you managed toplete a task I deemed impossible. Youve brought new theories and methodologies to magic in a world that is currently reveling in a puddle while thinking it is sailing the ocean.
Whatever this man is trying to say, it doesnt make much sense. God, Lady Luck, why did you send me to this dude? Hes mental! Clearly! God, Im going to fight a war or something, arent I? Its not enough that I have to dive into a Dungeon with other freaks; now you want me to fight an entire war?
Why?
WHY?
Lets skip to thest Cantrip for the moment. I think it might help you make your peace with my intentions. I dont intend to make you fight the war of my people unless you want to. And even then, Id rather see a Vanedenis win than a traveler among worldse to our rescue. There are still other dormant powers that have not resolved to act yet. And they might be enough on their own to put an end to the entire thing. Dont let me go on about this topic, though. Im being overly cryptic, and I believe that magic is all about rity and simplicity. Only those stupid Hydras, the self-proimed best [Mages] in the world, could believe thatplexity elevates the soul. But not even having more than one head helped them when we took the field, did it?
This guy loves going on tangents that much is clear. However, he seems to oscite between magic discourse and the warring efforts of his people. But I agree on the point about magic and possibly any other discipline. Simple solutions always trumpplex ones. The more steps you add to a process, the higher the chances of failing.
Thest question I wrote down does not have any wrong answer. At the same time, almost every answer can be wrong. The length of your trials made your foundational abilities more impressive than any other person below the [Archmage] level. In this era, your talents and skill may even trump the basic control of an [Archmage]. Mind you, if you go back in time by half a millennium or more, that wouldnt be true anymore. But recently, weve hit a rough patch as a world. They did, to be precise. Im not living; Im simply a fading soul looking to teach a few of his tricks.
You talk a lot, I say without even thinking about my words.
The middle-aged mans face goes dark for a moment, and I feel a shiver go down to my guts.
Few people ever dared to say it out loud. And Im not one of those who appreciate honesty when talking to kids. Respect, Joey Luciani, is a skill everyone has to learn at some point. Your cheery and funny disposition is good more than one great [Archmage] was like that.
I feel like a very powerful but ising my way.
But beware, the man''s voice is infused with raw power. Even if hes a soul or whatever, I can still feel my imaginary bodys bones rattling. I take offense to rude behavior in my presence. Im not your disgraced warden of a [Druid]. I am a master of magic, greater than those masters of old the world seems to have forgotten. Dragons who met me bowed their heads to my passing. I hold the great secrets of this world and the keys to power that would corrupt the most pious of [Saints]. Therefore, Joey Luciani, be careful with your words.
This man knows things about me; he just mentioned Stan. And he doesnt like my uppity behavior. Im stating the obvious, arent I?
Master Juler, I say while bowing my head a little. I have great respect for and dedication to magic. I do hold endless respect for you too, for creating an artifact such as the Omnium Compendium. Thank you for your tutge so far. I would love to hear more about your knowledge of magic and the world if you are still willing to teach me.
Not knowing what mannerism goes with this guy, I cup my hands like in one of those cheesy Chinese martial arts movies. However, I have to bite my tongue not to add a but you could really shorten your speeches.
Thats better, the man standing in front of me rxes his posture. But be careful with the words you use. Ive not yet decided to teach you anything. I have onest question, and Ill not give you much to ponder, just a few minutes. If your answer is not good, you can go back to simply using the book. Ill erase the knowledge of my presence from your mind, and you will never remember meeting me. If your answer is worthy, however, I will start teaching you as I would one of my descendants. Beware, not like I would a personal disciple of mine, though. I am a terrible judge of character, sadly. So far, you have been outstanding in your conduct, but so have many who then fell to the allure of being a [Hero] without paying its rightful price.
Could you rify yourst statement before starting, Master Juler? I ask, trying to be as respectful as I can. This guy can probably teach me how to avoid getting mugged or killed in a Dungeon, plus a lot of cool magic. But hes also a bit too self-referential and confuses me a whole lot when he randomly references the history of his people and whatnot.
Shortcuts, he says with a headshake. Thezy ones and the cowards use shortcuts that willpromise your being. Shortcuts snowball, and the man who chooses the first shortcut is not the man who chooses the second one. Everypromise weighs heavy on our soul, Joey Luciani. You have done good so far, but you have only been here for a little while. You arezy at times and an incredibly hard worker at others. I dont know whether this mixed disposition will make you a degenerate and a twisted monster or the greatest of [Heroes]. Or maybe just a mediocre, in-between thing. But Im interested in finding out the answer.
He makes a small pause, and his multi-colored irises sparkle with what I can only call great feats. Theres power in this man, great power. But theres also great history. Theres something that transcends anything I have met so far: its a longing for a greater fate, a promise of something deeper in this shallow world, a meaning that I cannot grasp with a simple nce.
This man is everything Ive always denied myself.
Are you interested? he asks with a smirk.
Oh yeah, baby, you bet, I reply with my signature wink.
Chapter 112: Tales
Chapter 112: Tales
Apparently, my new serious disposition is enough for this Juler fellow to submit thest Cantrip to me. Its a bit weird that Im going down a path of great power after opening a bakery and promising myself I would never meddle with this shit in my entire life, be it on Earth or in this new world.
Master Juler, may I share a thought aloud before we go forward? I have never met anyone who knows Ie from another world, and it is frustrating not being able tomunicate certain things. In a way, its as if I was living in a closet. Now, I understand gay peoples plight better; I have to say.
The middle-aged man, who was on the verge of speaking about the Last Cantrip, nods. He has curiosity in his eyes.
Ok, so, you know the general outlook of things, and I have no idea how. But yes, Ie from another world. And sometimes, I zone out of the world in my mind because I go through these mind trips among my thoughts. For once, Id like to share something before I have an actual existential crisis.
Yeah, even though Im trying my best not to freak out, the appearance of this man is putting every belief of mine on the edge of a cliff. And some of them might have jumped already.
When you asked me if I was interested, my brain shed me an image of a person. I mean, not a person, person. A fictional character. My parentse from a different country, not the one I grew up in. In my country, we have this guy as a fictional character with a stupid name supposedly, hes an inventor and a genius. But I cant just take it seriously because I dont know. I never really liked my countrys version.
However, my parents country has a different name for him, a trantion. And they gave him a name referring to two of the greatest mathematicians in the history of my world. One of them made discoveries so great they couldnt be evolved until almost two millenniater. These guys were called Pythagoras and Archimedes. The character based on them was so popr that even journalists started making errors when talking about these two figures, blending them into one.
I start gesturing a bit, ufortable with the direction my thoughts took.
But the point is, these two guys were great. Archimedes changed mathematics for all centuries toe, and Pythagoras too contributed to mathematics, but he also influenced the great philosophers of old, whose works influenced my entire civilization to the present day. They were two of the greatest souls to ever walk the arid ground of my world.
Now, one of them, Pythagoras, hypothesized that souls cannot die and that every soul is passed onto a new body after death.
I stop for a second, fetching myself and the guy a chair from one of the tables that are as white as the rest of the furniture in this ce. Like the walls, the chandelier, and everything else, to be honest.
Its better to say this stuff while sitting, I hint at the [Supreme Archmagus], who nods.
This theory is called metempsychosis. Meta and En, in thenguage theye from, are after and inside. Psych, instead, is soul. It can be tranted as where the soul goes in after all the shit went down if you like it. But the point of all this bbering is that I believed my entire life, Master Juler, that I wanted something simple for myself, a little corner of the world to enjoy with friends and family. And I have that. But now, you tell me theres a source of great magic right in front of me. Magic. That does not exist where Ie from. We only have it in fiction. And everyone has dreamt at least once of using magic.
And what does this have to do with the souls? Lord Juler asks me.
I feel like I might have a great soul, one of those who marked an era and I know its very arrogant of me to think something like that. But more than once in my life, I had proof of exceptional ability. I simply refused to test it. I could be a fluke, for sure. But I still feel like theres something greater in mehowever, its as great as it is tired. I think I got a soul that is tired of great deeds and just wants to rest. Waking it up from its slumber feels jarring and twisted. I cant exin myself better than this, Lord Jules. Im sorry.
The man looks at me with a frown before narrowing his eyes so much they look almost closed.
You are conscious of yourself. Very much so. Some [Archmages] get the ss before they even ask themselves who they are, what they are reaching for. And they do that because they find peace in not exploring the darkest recesses of their souls. You are young. sses and levels can allow people to live much longer than anyone else plus, people with great levels tend to get their hands on potions, artifacts, and magic capable of extending their lifespan beyond whats conceivable by mortals. However, it may take centuries before someone stops in their tracks to look inside. Many students I guided were solely absorbed in their study of magic but never in the study of the self. They were great talents, but none of them could ever breach the threshold of old. Sometimes, patience means staying put, resting, not doing anything, slumbering.
Thest word seems to echo through my soul, shaking the identity of my ego.
Harness that conflict you feel, Joey Luciani, the middle-aged man says with the first real tinge of emotion in his words, and you will be great. Dont run away from it. Keep pondering what it is. Dont try to find peace within it. No answer will ever satisfy the jailor that is our mind, but you might be able to attain mastery out of that conflict. Be the conflict you incarnate, young mage, and you might never find happiness, but you will enjoy the journey. You forced yourself to stay put for so long even though part of you has a im to greatness. And so, if your soul truly slumbered for all your life, I say now is the time to bnce the scale and give the zing part of you a long-needed outlet.
Its time to rekindle the embers in your soul and put an end to your slumber.
Wake up, Joey Luciani. We have work to do.
Chapter 113: [Archmage]
Chapter 113: [Archmage]
I have to say that, sadly, like most of my generation, I can only stay serious for so long. The whole philosophical moment is washed away by awkwardness. They never show what happens after a character says something very cool before the cutscene, right? Well, thats what Im personally experiencing right now.
Lord Juler just said the we have work to do, Joey Luciani thing, and Im still contemting his words while he moves on.
I dont think I need to ask you for another answer. Indeed, what you provided me with was enough. You seek a new chance, the overlooked half of you that scared you so much. My question was going to be What is it that you seek in being a [Mage]? and you supplied a wonderful answer. I will help you, alongside the knowledge the book will supply.
And he goes silent.
Just like that.
Ok, Juler, ok. Great speech. Im very motivated now. But so? Like, are you going to say something more, or is this it? Am I supposed to say something?
If you have any questions regarding magic, you may go ahead, he nods like a stern grandfather whos losing patience even before starting to teach his grandchild.
Huh, ok. Yes, I do have many questions. The other day I was thinking about this Japanese manga thats a series of drawn images that make up a story where a boy uses nuclear power to power himself. I mean, the guy was a robot, so theres that too.
Even though Lord Juler, [Supreme Archmagus], is acting indifferent, I can tell hes annoyed by my vague description.
So, it made me think that a [Luxmancer] can manipte light. But light is not just visible light, is it? So, can I somehow produce higher frequencies and shorter wavelengths of light and create gamma rays? Like, very harmful light?
Waves are a theory that has been lost eons ago, Juler nods with surprising calm, and I doubt anyone in the present, save for a few Immortals, knows about it. I gather it must be knowledge from your world, and thats interesting. To answer your question, yes, it is possible. However, the amount of Mana you would need is beyond your current capabilities. And you would require skills dedicated specifically to that to help you with the insane cost. Otherwise, even with my old Mana reserves, you would have harnessed little power from the light you are talking about.
Ok, then, I have another idea deriving them from another process. Do you know anything about atom theory?
When Lord Juler shakes his head, I smile.
This is going to be a fun exnation.
After spending the better part of two hours exining atoms, electrons, and waves, Im now presenting the core of my idea to one of the greatest [Archmages] ever to live.
Does magic go through lead as it would through any other material? I ask beforeunching into the details.
Yes, the man says, a bit dazed.
Ok, good. It means magic is not physical. Now, theres this phenomenon on Earth that generates gamma rays from a thunderstorm in a brief pulse of gamma radiation. You need a high-intensity static electric field to elerate the electrons. If one could somehow harness a simr process, I would be able to coordinate an array of radiation-generating spells to create a veritable gamma knife! I could concentrate such high energies right inside a monsters body and fry his brain, heart, or whatever! I mean, the actual process would need extensive testing, to be honest. I would need the rightbination of energy to ate in a split-second whatever part of said monsters is essential to keep living. This would also require me to get a radio scan of their body like a bat or something. I mean, we could basically use a sonography technique to see through them in real-time and calibrate a gamma knife! AND, if magic is non-physical unless someone builds a physical shield, such a spell would go through anything. If you use enough energy and aim through the right parts, you could kill even the most terrible creature in this world in a jiffy! Plus, if the process were not to consume too much energy, you could veritably create a gamma knife the size of a human being!
My stream of words and theories is ping-ponging back and forth in Julers eyes. He has opened and closed his mouth multiple times, trying to formte something but closing it again after each new sentence.
You suggest focusing killer energy inside the body, which would probably work on almost any creature, possibly even Dragons, and they wouldnt even know how they died. And if you managed to create gamma rays indirectly, you could use a long-distance spell to do so. Please exin what sonography is, Joey. You have not mentioned that before.
Heh, maybe I went a bit overboard with that. A sonography uses ultrasounds to guide medical procedures in my world, but you have to apply the emitter on the patient''s skin. Im not sure how we could
Thats not a problem, Juler waves his hand in front of my face, irritated. I could do that with my eyes closed. Thats just our guide. There are spells to do what you need. And we will source the best one after proving this spell can exist.
Juler starts pacing back and forth, his eyes glued to the floor, mumbling a series of incoherent things.
If we could redirect the energy from [sma Thunderbolt] No, too much energy We could source some Draconic manuscripts andno, they lost those What if No, that wouldnt work Maybe instant Formations to
After a few minutes, he stops dead in his tracks and stares right at me. His multi-colored irises poke a hole through my soul.
Joey Luciani, if what you just described to me is even remotely true, you might have a terrifying spell in the making. There are enough starting points in my knowledge and ways we can approach this. And we will try some of them if the most elegant solutions do not work at least we will know whether its possible or not. But I think we may be able to do this with [Light]. Not forcing [Light] to higher frequencies, but simply harnessing its qualities. But theres one thing.
He walks up to me, and I notice that the [Supreme Archmagus] is actually a little shorter than me.
You are creating a spell that wouldnt be more than Tier 5 or 6. The most terrifying spells at Tier 8 wouldnt kill in such a ruthless way. I met a Dragon who said that a well-aimed [Water Jet], a Tier 2 spell, could drown most enemies better than a Tier 7 [Great Tsunami]; in part, I agree with that. But the destructive power of such a thing would be almost unparalleled. It can be countered. But no one right now knows enough about it. You could cause destruction on an unprecedented level. You could topple kingdoms by simply assassinating a few key yers while hiding in the darkness. No one would know. No one would realize what happened. They would almost certainly not see your deadly magic nor the traces of it. Because they would look in the wrong ces.
You are suggesting, Lord Juler emphasizes his words, a killing tool like no other I know. Only some relics can approach this level. And it may take us a few years, at best, if this is actually doable. Do you know what this spell would make you? And do you know how dangerous the knowledge you just shared with me is?
It would make me very cool? And not that dangerous, I bet. Not even Physicists would suggest making gamma rays as I just suggested. What I just told you is a footnote in rare books or a piece of trivia in a game. I had to read entire Wikipedia pages about it when I was back on Earth. And it took me a while to find enough material to even borate on such an idea. Without a [Supreme Archmagus] like you, it would be simply impossible. Inconceivable.
I see, Lord Julerughs for the first time since I have arrived, then, you are not a fool. One of your answers satisfied me. You are less dull than what you let people see; I gather this will be the first step in discovering your new self.
Lord Juler looks at me with a smirk.
But let me give you an answer to the first question. If you really could make such a spell, even with my help, you would instantly be an [Archmage], and not a weak one, Joey Luciani.
An [Archmage]? I say with some real reverence for the world.
An [Archmage].
Chapter 114: [Princess]
Chapter 114: [Princess]
Im trying to chill at my bakery, as per usual, and Gaius came here to bother me with talks about the steps to take to be a Goldie. Im pretty confident I would be able to take him down if I needed. Hes a big guy, but my magic has been growing by leaps and bounds. After the practical experiences I have had in the Dungeon, I can hold my own in a fight. Im not an expert or anything, but I wouldnt be easily mugged like the night I kissed Lucinda.
Oh, man.
I sigh.
Are you still thinking about that little sapling?
Goddamn Elves and their weird sayings.
No, you t-eared Elf, I reply in kind.
Huh, little Joey was thinking about his lost crush.
See, adventurers are really not tactful people. When you can die pretty much any day, you tend to develop thicker skin and harsher jokes.
I hear heavy boots stomping on the bakery floor anding through the entrance. Turning around, I see several men or maybe even women covered in ck armor from head to toe.
That''s the Royal Guard, Joey Luciani.
I almost jump out of the chair.
What the hell was that?
Is that the Royal Guard? Gaius stiffens.
Im Lord Juler. I ammunicating directly to your mind. I can also see through your eyes with a little spell.
Goddammit.
Be careful. The Royal Guard has only people above level 40. But do fight them if you have the chance. A student of mine should be as fearless as my great people
I stop listening to the ramblings of the old archmage and I slowly stand up.
Hello, gentlemen, can I help you? I ask with an amiable tone.
A slender figure in ck armor walks up to me until we are barely one foot apart. Well, if this is an intimidation technique, it certainly worked. The bulk of the armor looks too sleek this has to be a woman. I wonder, is she hot? Shes a bit taller than me, an inch or two, but theres a distinct aura of magicing off from the armor.
The person in front of me doesnt say anything, but I can feel the tension rising through the air. Gaius has gotten up and has a hand on his massive weapon probably more as afort toy than being intentioned to start a fighting.
The rest of the Royal Guard spreads around us and secures every door, window and hole on the ground floor of my bakery.
Tell them to respect the boundaries of your domain. If one day you are going to be my disciple, Joey Luciani, you need to be ruthless.
Sure, and why dont I just jump from a bridge or set myself on fire, right? I mean, if I have to kill myself, I might as well start brainstorming for something original.
Filthy Human, I hear the person in front of me hissing.
Listen, just tell me how can I helpyou bunch of disrespectful idiots.
I hear the clink of the armors while the Royal Guard tighten the fists on their weapons. The person in front of me starts slowly taking out a shortsword from its scabbard.
What the hell just happened? My mouth moved on his own!
By the customs of your proud kingdom and the lost life of your [Great Prince] Vespasianus, I invoke thews of hospitality on your new generations. A great man, greater than any of the present here, advocated for fair treatment of every single race in this world, humans included and hadws passed for the sake of peace. Are you reneging on the memory of your [Great Prince], or are you going to bow for your mistakes?
Thank meter, Joey Luciani. I took the liberty of giving you a hand in solving this matter.
All those words just came out of my mouth with my voice, just a little deeper than usual. It appears that Lord Juler, even in his ethereal form, can still do a lot of weird shit. And I think he just sealed the deal for my instant death.
In a second, though, I hear a series of hard thuds on the ground.
I look around with my mouth wide and see that everyone, save the person in front me, just fell on one knee, with a fist on the ground and their heads low.
What?
Humans shouldnt speak of my family lightly, I hear the armored woman in front of me say.
Family?
The [Great Prince]?
What?
Ok, now, you have to understand that something just happened in my brain. See, theres a lot of adrenaline, fear and reverence going on here. However, I cant help but think of one very specific fantasy of mine.
Do you have any idea where Im going with this?
If shes family of the [Great Prince], she must be a
Princess Laura, a man says from behind, the customs are to be respected.
Im not bowing with a Human here.
OH BOY.
Brain.exe just stopped working.
This cant be real.
Is this what I think it is?
This is the next level plot.
If my love with Lucinda was ill-fated, this is one of the mostmon tropes of K-dramas and romance fictions in general. Shes the angry princess who hates humans and guess who I am if not the human who can change her mind!
Hohoho.
Oh boy.
THIS IS GOLD.
Is this my new future wife?
Shes even taller than me!
And she looks super bossy!
I start smiling profusely, but I fear that she just interpreted it the wrong way.
Slowly, she takes off her helmet and a cascade of vivid purple hair falls on her armor, framing the most delicate and refined beauty I have ever seen in my entire life. This woman would make Gigi Hadid look like a beggar off the streets.
Two piercing red eyes look at me with pure anger.
Taking the shortsword out of her scabbard, she slowly puts it at my throat.
My body feels locked in ce, unable to step back.
So, Human. You know the customs of my family, it seems. But Im not bowing to any filthy bastard like you, even if I it means going against my own blood. Therefore, do you have anything to say?
I smile.
I wink.
I click with the side of my mouth.
And I say.
How you doin?
Chapter 115: Worm
Chapter 115: Worm
So, Princess Laura is looking at me.
Do I need to exin what kind of murderous aura she has about her?
Listen to me, worm, she says, hissing thest word.
Worm?
From behind me, I hear Gaius gasping.
Huh?
Is worm some kind of a speciesist slur? I ask, confused.
We call little bastard Humans worms because you are just little worms parasitizing our continent even after we exterminated your filthy kind, who tried to eradicate us out of jealousy.
Hm, right, I nod while smiling and looking at her otherworldly face.
So, we came here on a precise mission, worm, and you better answer my questions if you dont want to die a rats death. Then, once we are done, you can return to your worm mother who spawned such an insignificant bastard like yourself.
Oh, man.
I sigh.
Gaius, fireworks, I say our codeword.
Joey! Wait! the man is rmed.
At least I warned him.
[Greater Chain sh]
An explosion of innocuous blinding lights erupts in the middle of the Royal Guard. I put one of those [shes] between Laura and me, and I hear a scream of pain.
See, many people have enchantments to protect themselves from harmful magic. Now, whats really interesting is that no one ever thought of a [Light Mage] as anything particrly dangerous. Therefore, most protective enchantments and wards cannot eat an overcharged [sh] spell in your face.
I point a finger at the womans chest while the entire Royal Guard is trying to understand what they are looking at. Sadly, this spell has no end until I say so. Blinding lights are shing back and forth, basically covering the whole bakery. See, after my mugging, I have started thinking of something that would guarantee me some leeway during a fight. And a simple [sh] spell is the best solution I could think of. I even made it so that it alters the heat of any fire, making it impossible to scan for my position. Plus, the magical residue also makes it impossible to track me in this mess.
And how can I fight, then?
[Eyes: Light Immunity]
Im sorry, Princess, but no one insults my mom, I say while pointing a finger at her chest.
[Advanced Light Lance]
The skill has changed since the first time in the Dungeon. I added a rotation to it and made it much stronger than before, endlessly refining its matrix into something much simpler and more elegant.
And much more deadly.
The Princess of the Elven Kingdom is taken off her feet. I can see her armor neutralized most of the impact, though. She just took a deadly spell to her chest with minimal damage.
Thats the spirit of a Vanedeni!
Juler, how do I avoid getting killed? I ask in a whisper.
Just look.
Suddenly, all my [shes] go out, and the bakery door opens.
Kill that damn worm! I hear the girl on the ground screaming. Her eyes are probably useless before she can reach a healer. From where Im standing, I probably burned a lot of her nerve endings. The [sh] in her face was the real blow, whereas thence to her chest was more for pure scorn.
I know, I know.
Hitting a girl and whatnot.
But Im telling you, theres one unbreakable rule in my code.
No. One. Insults. My. Mother.
A terrifying aura instantly spreads around the bakery, and I smile at its owner.
Rete, Stan barks an order with the full weight of his aura in it.
Stan takes a few steps forward while the whole Royal Guard is frozen after his one word. He looks at the Princess on the ground and then stares at me, shaking his head, disappointed.
She called my mother a worm, Stanimal, I say with a defensive tone.
Conflict breeds conflict. Hate begets hate, he says with tiredness in his voice that Ive never heard before.
He crouches down and puts a hand on the Princesss eyes.
Who are you?! Stop! Why cant I move?!
Stay put, child. The damage done to your eyes cannot be healed easily by anyone else. And if you use a potion, you will just be blind; in fact, it would scar the inside of your eyes.
After hearing those words, the woman goes still.
After a couple of awkward minutes of everyone just staring at Stan using some veryplex magic, my manager finally stands up and approaches me.
Go help her get up, he says sternly.
What?
Go help her get up and apologize to each other, he thunders. But its the kind of tone you dont say no to.
Under the murderous gazes of the other ck armors, I walk up to the Princess, and I find her blinking and rubbing her eyes.
I awkwardly offer my hand to the crazy woman on the ground, cringing at what Im being forced to do. I feel like a seven-year-old fighting with their little sister.
As soon as she clears her vision, her face twists in anger.
You! she screams.
Silence!
I swear to God, I almost shat myself.
Stans shout makes the girl shut up.
Ill be treating both of you like the kids you are, and Ill hang you upside down from a tree if you dont apologize to each other immediately!
Is that an Elven thing?
Whatever.
Man, Stanimal is really scary when he gets angry.
The girl grits her teeth, but she suddenly grabs my hand and gets up as fast as possible, clearly disgusted by having to touch me and wanting to end that experience as soon as possible.
Done! I came here to find my ancestor! If you are him, Ill have my father know that I had to
Stan raises a leg slightly and stomps.
The entire bakery trembles.
I shall hang that idiot of a father who raised you like this upside down too! Fools!
I see Grigio with raised hackles, bigger than ever, reaching almost to Stans midriff. Even so, it looks like the dog is holding back.
Wait a second.
If this girl is the Princess has Stan just threatened to hang the King upside down from a tree?
Oh, man.
Stanimal is not just a [Druid], is he?
Chapter 116: Royal Family
Chapter 116: Royal Family
Im sorry, I say toward the Princess.
Everyone is still speechless when I take the opportunity to repent for my sins. Am I really sorry? I would say so. I dont like getting angry, but I also dont want to hurt people too badly. I didnt know how much damage such a [sh] up close could have done.
Stan is now looking at the girl so harshly that I would have pissed myself if I had been in her ce.
Dude, I swear, what is up with all these overpowered people? I just finished my conversation with that lunatic inside the book and now Stan goes batshit crazy on me? Whats up?
Lady Luck, is that you? Have I been ignoring you for too long? Have I left you on read so many times that now you feel like pulling a crazy on me?
Oh man, Im also tired.
I still have to catch up on my sleep schedule.
I yawn in the middle of this, and the Princess turns toward me first, then toward Stan, almost like saying why can he yawn in this moment and you dont say anything?!
My Stanimal has lost a lot of his patience, hasnt he? I have never seen that look in his eyes before.
Apologize, child. You are not going to like the consequences, otherwise.
Oh shit.
I know where this is going.
Listen, I have read enough books in my life to see where narratives are moving toward. Cant you do the same? Look at the facts.
Stanimal is associated with the Royal Family, some kind of great-great-great-great grandfather who has been protecting them and/or fighting for them. So, this means that he regretted his past of something because of all the atrocities he had to do and whatever. Now, the man came here to atone for his sins, right?
However, if he still holds a great sway and hes still linked with the Royal Family, hes not going to let this girl go just like that, is he? Especially, if they are family.
Goddamn.
Oh no.
Oh.
Oh, yes?
Wait.
Do I want whats going to happen or not?
Is it not the ultimate ro?
But this girl is kind of nasty, honestly.
Apologize, please, I tell her. I made up my mind. I dont want this girl here, really.
She just scowls at me and sniffs with her nose.
Yes, woman, very cute. But you have no idea whats going to
You are not going to apologize, child? Stans smothering with anger.
I bow to no worm! I could take this idiots life and I wouldnt feel sorry in the slightest! she screams.
Oh fuck.
Oh.
Jesus.
Stan nods, trembling in anger, before fishing something from inside his robe. He rustles a few seconds before taking out a stone?
He speaks a few words under his breath and after waiting a few seconds, an rmed voicees out of said stone.
Ancestor! the persons voice is clearly excited.
You ipetent brat! Stan shouts so loud and strong that I can feel the person on the other end wincing.
Ancestor, Im sorry! What did I do?
Is that I hear the woman by my side choke on her own words and, after a look at her, she is now several shades paler.
Your daughter came here and disrespected my orders, brat!
Laura? What?
Dude, I swear, I think the stone is starting to sweat.
I removed myself from mundane affairs! I ordered that no one should bother me, brat! Did you not exin that to your daughter? And what is this inane hate for Humans she has? Who taught her that? Do I need toe back to court and remove you from the throne?
What?! Ancestor! No, wait! Im sorry! Ill teach her better! Its her mom! She always gossips about stupid Humans and their
Have we not learned anything?
The anger seems gone from his voice, having turned into sadness and weariness.
Ancestor, the voiceing from the stone bes pained, your son taught us the value of kindness andpassion. It taught us to be greater than anger and his teachings shall be respected until I hold this throne. I shall honor his memory and I will tell my wife that
Julius, Stan says. Your wife, shes now removed from her position. You can choose whether you want to follow her in suit or divorce such a woman.
Fuck.
What?
Ancestor, I
No, Julius. Hate is not what we will be teaching our children. Ill visit the court once again after all these years and purge every single venomous snake she has put there, soon. You better start working on that, if you dont want to me to school your green ears.
Stan puts down the stone for a second, sighing.
All these years of quiet, and this is how I get roped back in?
Julius, he says putting the stone back to his mouth.
Yes, Ancestor?
Ill be taking care of the education of Princess Laura. Do you have any other children?
Two younger ones, Ancestor. They are both at the Nine Towers Academy, Ancestor.
Stan sighs.
Ill be visiting them shortly. Do not warn them, Julius. I shall test the new generations and Ill cut all of them out of the line of session if I deem it necessary. I shall not partake in councils, nor I shall be disturbed. Ille at my own convenience to check on your work at court. Before then, Ill be taking care of your daughter and attending my current duties.
Yes, Ancestor. Ill have everything done. Including my ex-wife. Im sorry, Ancestor. My shame is greater than the Worlds Tree. I failed and cast shame on our history.
You were a good kid, Julius. Dont be blindsided by power.
Yes, Ancestor, the stone replies with reverence before a slight hint of doubt enters its tone, may I ask what duties you are attending to? Only if you are at liberty to divulge that to me.
Stan smiles at the question.
Sure, Julius. Im working at a bakery. On that note, lower the tax on sugar next week. By twenty percent. Ill see you soon.
What? Ancestor? Ancestor!
Stan puts back the speaking stone in some magical hole he has in his robe.
Well, child, he says toward Princess Laura, you forced my hand.
Chapter 117: Comfort Food
Chapter 117: Comfort Food
Gaius, it would mean a lot to me if you were to keep this conversation to yourself. You are a good friend to Joey, and I didnt want to knock you out. Im not disguising my stupid niece it shall be a humbling experience, this one. But I would prefer if you could keep the details of everything you just heard to yourself.
Stan has a kind hand on Gaiuss shoulder, and I swear I have never seen the big Elf so close to crying.
Yes. Yes. Sure. Im sorry. Im really sorry, Gaius apologizes profusely.
Its fine, Stan nods amiably. Your family is noble not just in name, Gaius. Carry your name with pride and conduct yourself as it befits your heritage.
Dude, Stan has gone full-Gandalf wisdom, I swear.
You all, Stan turns to the Royal Guard. Scutter off. The best of you shalle back in civilian clothes to work here and keep an eye on your Princess. If she attempts to escape, you have orders to restrain her with force.
Then, Stanimal sorts out five people who will be the security detail of the woman by my side. Said woman is finally catching up to reality.
Whats happening? she whispers, incredulous.
Stan will teach you not to hate Humans by making you work with me, I guess. Plus, hes going to make you not disguise yourself. So, everyone will know that the Princess is working in a little bakery in Amorium. If I had to guess further, Id say that we are going to see an awful lot of each other since the rest of the people working with you will be too scared of you to treat you normallyI mean, wait. Id say that most of the ex-homeless employees probably wont care too much.
That is a good point, Joey, Stanimal finally addresses me directly.
The Royal Guard has been shown the door, and even Gaius is going now.
The few employees staring from the kitchen, mainly Tiberius and Quintus, are frozen stiff. Luckily, we didnt n to open for lunch. It was just those two workaholics. Still, we might have a lot to exin to the others too.
Tiberius, Quintus, I dont need to exin anything to you, do I? Stan stares at them, and the kitchen door shuts immediately. Good.
Stan turns back to us.
You took the looks after your mother, Laura. But it seems you have taken after her the venomous heart too. I believed in Julius, but it seems like he failed to raise you properly. Your father is a good man, but his wife snaked the control of his daughter away from him. Otherwise, you wouldnt be so disrespectful, arrogant, and hateful.
Man, Stanimal, go easy on her, I say, feeling bad for the poor girl. Her mother has just been dethroned.
Stan smiles at me.
She wanted to have you murdered, Joey. The Royal Guards would have killed you without batting an eyelid. If I hadnt been there, you would have died.
I wave a hand.
Stuff happens; forget about it.
Stan stares at me with his deep eyes while stroking his silvery beard.
Grigio, pick up her scent, Stan says suddenly. If she tries to run, drag her back by the leg through mud and filth. She will have a very interesting walk of shame if she decides to go against my orders.
Man, that sounds nasty.
Joey, I believe I have a lot to exin to you, Stan dips his head almost imperceptibly.
What? Are you resigning? Iugh. If you are not, Stanimal, you have nothing to exin. This is quite themon trope. The choice not to disguise the princess earns you points for originality. But the rest is pretty standard. So, why should we talk about it? You just threatened the King of Elves to change whos sitting on the throne and basically spanked him. If someone has anything to say, its me.
Stan raises his eyebrows at my words.
I messed up, Stanimal. I shouldnt have attacked. Its just, you know, when ites to my mother, something goes off in me. I feel really bad for almost blinding her permanently, I grimace at the thought that I could have caused permanent damage.
The old, silvery man stops for a second to look at me with apassionate expression.
The truth in your words, Joey, is worth all my trouble, he replies with a more rxed expression. As for you, child.
Stan looks around before going to a table where he gets an apron and a headband. Both are not particrly clean.
Strip off your armor and wear this. You will scrub the floor until Grigio can see his big snout in it.
Oh, man, Stanimal.
This is going to get very ugly and embarrassing, isnt it?
Yo, Stanimal, I intercept the order before the old man can lose his marbles again. Why dont I show the ropes to the Princess? You were supposed toe with Lakaris and udius, right? Just leave her to me and go fetch them.
Ill stab your guts at the first chance I get, the idiotic woman hisses.
See, we are already friends, Stanimal; off you go! I smile. Princess, theres a free room above; its thest to the right. You can use that if you are going to stay here. You can change there. Maybe wear something casual? Ill get you a clean apron.
Look, I dont care about this woman, but I also dont like to witness too much conflict. With her character and Stanimals stubbornness, this thing could get really stupid really fast. So, Ill try to help her a little, ok?
Spoiled child, if you touch one hair on Joeys head, Ill have your mother executed. Is that clear? Stan thunders.
This time, reality seems to sink into Lauras heart.
Her visage trembles for a second, but then she nods briefly.
Come on, Stanimal. Leave her to me, I sh a thumb up to the man before hurrying him to the door. Grigio shows his teeth to me, but I reply in tone with a tongue.
As soon as I see Stan out of the door, I let out a big sigh.
So, before you think about stabbing me, I turn around, but I find tears on the womans face.
Oh, shoot.
I make my way toward the kitchen door and peek inside. Tiberius and Quintus have left, thankfully.
Yo, Princess,e with me, please.
I keep a safe distance from the crying woman. She doesnt even pay attention to what I just said, so I add: Ill be making something in the kitchen for you. You are free to join when you feel better.
Sometimes its better to leave some space for grieving people. This girl just cost her mothers throne.
Chapter 118: Choc
Chapter 118: Choc
Few things can help a person like hot cocoa. Milk in this world is fresher and tastier than you can even imagine. Why? Magic, obviously. I mean, magic cows.
While I mix some chocte with fresh milk, I also prepare a special cream a bit sour and a bit denser than the hot cocoa. While whipping it and letting it cool, I hear footstepsing across the kitchen. The chances of getting stabbed to death are actually quite high, arent they? This poor girl just got schooled by Stan in a brutal manner.
Is the old man wrong? I usually dont bother with these questions, but it seems apt to find an answer right now. If not just because, at least because it would make me feel less guilty.
To be honest, if the Queen of an entire kingdom is speciesist, I dont think it should be that big of a problem. Rulers are never perfect, and we shouldnt ask them to be, should we? This is not a period of sensitivity and political correctness, as I understand it. Many Elves hate Humans, and they hate them for a very good reason, dont they? See, even though I tried to keep myself ignorant, my chats with minia and Cami gave me more insights than you would imagine.
It took a bit to resurface, but I am pretty sure I know the general story Stan was mentioning. Sure, he lived it in first-person, from what I gather. A Prince of Elves was betrayed by a Human Princess; nheless, hed made a great speech on his deathbed, advocating for the end of the war with the Human kingdoms. He said that warring would only drive the Elven Empire into the ground.
So, when a Queen is speciesist, its not a problem of being kind or not. Its a problem with their own culture. See, its like being American and hating capitalism; it is true that big corporations big Pharma, for one have broken many rules and have abused the system. However, what made America great was great spection and economic growth. Innovation. Freedom.
Advocating for a Swedish socialist model may not be wrong, sure. However, theres something truly not American in wanting to pursue such a thing. Its like asking an Italian to skip their lunch break to work.
Mores, as the Ancient Romans called them. The costumes that a society weaves with its cloth. They are woven with delicate fabric over the years, and they seep deeply into a collective mindset.
This is an angle that many people never consider.
Tradition.
Tradition is not just being conservative. Its also keeping some of the costumes undefiled. Its not as simple as Democrats and Republicans, see. Its deeper; its about what people feel and how they think they should behave.
It would be a titanic feat to make the US like Sweden or vice versa. Whether one of the two is good or bad is another discussion altogether.
Take the Spartans and the Ancient Romans some Romantic historians believed that their fall coincided with the loss of the most important costumes of their society. Theres this emblematic quote about Spartans falling from grace when their cooks could not cook their famous ck broth anymore. Its obviously mostly fiction for the romantics, dont misunderstand me. Its the same with the Ancient Romans, even though thats a much bigger can of worms.
However, when a society loses many of its mores, its never good.
And I interpret what Stan just did based on that. Hes trying to protect Elven costumes that he believes are essential for his kind to prosper. Considering that hes not advocating for a massive wall but is instead preaching kindness toward Humans and considering the fact that I am, indeed, a Human Im oriented to side with my Stanimal. Its harsh, yes.
I ce a roundyer of white chocte on top of the hot cocoa, a divider of sorts, and pour my cold cream which is actually something between cream and custard on top of it. Its my personal version of the Italian variant of the Chantilly Crme. Completely different from the French original.
I sprinkle some broken cookies and a couple of chips of very dark chocte on top, careful not to overwhelm the chalice that Im using. I find excessive cream on top of things very crass. I like my desserts the way I like my women, elegant and refined.
I look behind me, and I find Princess Laura sitting on a stool, staring into the void. Her eyes are red, and her magnificent hair is a little less perfect than before she must have ruffled it in desperation.
I go up to her, but I dont put the mug on the table right away.
This stupid thing has rare ingredients; can you promise to taste it and not throw it on the ground? I look at her very seriously.
Why am I doing this?
This is not the first time something like this has happened to me. And it would not be the first time someone smashed the stuff I made on the ground out of frustration. Since I dont like wasting food, I ask. Once a person gives their word, especially when they are this proud, its very unlikely that they will waste my creations.
She keeps staring, and I simply stand still. We stay like that for a couple of minutes before her gaze is brought to me.
If I didnt have the chalices enchanted, the hot cocoa would start getting cold by now. However, since we are making a boatload of money, I splurged on little details. Stan didnt want to, but hes not the owner, now, is he?
Hehe.
Princess Laura looks at the hot cocoa in my hand and nods.
I put it on the table and fish out a small spoon from a cupboard.
Shes a prisoner; I realize while I see her lifelessly staring at the spoon she just picked up. Thats why shes not acting out. It is surprising that her reaction was so tame, but its also true that she just experienced the biggest shock of her entire life, didnt she?
You can spoon the top and eat it separately or break the white divider and mix the cream into the hot cocoa. The cream is a little sour, so if you eat that first, the hot cocoa will taste sweeter. Otherwise, if you mix it, it will have a particr taste, almost like cake. The cream or, more precisely, crme is denser than it looks. Plus, we added a special reagent to make it denser when it touches a hot liquid. Its one of the very first original recipes I came up with aftering to Amorium.
Its also a personality test. And its wildly popr among our female clientele.
Hehe.
Anyway,diesno, I meant, personality test. Yeah, I like to think that some people can bear through the sour part of life before getting to their sweet reward, which will taste even sweeter. Some, instead, are impatient, and they want everything at once; those break the white chocte immediately.
Princess Laura ponders my arcane test before scooping up the sour Crme and raising her eyebrows in surprise. She eats the whole thing before breaking the white chocte into the hot cocoa. Then, she starts sipping it, mostly ignoring me.
God, shes so damn beautiful.
But would she pass the Zombie Apocalypse test?
Chapter 119: Silence
Chapter 119: Silence
Laura is taciturn.
So far, she has behaved in the exact opposite way than what I expected. I expected screaming, anger, pure rage. But not this.
Shes sipping a second cup of hot cocoa in silence. She hasnt interacted with me at all except to ask for a refill. This is subverting everything I had assumed about the girl.
We sit in silence, exchanging gazes. For some reason, it doesnt feel as awkward as staring at each other usually does. We dont avert our eyes, feeling at ease with each other''s gazes. Nothing is going on between us at this moment, just pure, meditative quiet.
This might be the first time in my entire life that my mind is so quiet. I''m not trying to silence my thoughts. They are just gone, slumbering in their deep chambers. And they don''t threaten my inner self, my ego, or my soul.
Princess Laura, I think to myself.
I''m sharing hot cocoa with a Princess instead of talking to a snob Goblin. That''s progress.
What do I make of her character? Speciesist, angry. Is she arrogant? Like, do I have proof that she actually is?
She''s also tall, beautiful, and strong. Or at least she looks strong.
She could probably hold her own in a zombie apocalypse. Plus, she seems very restrained and calm now. This is really throwing me for a loop.
One thing is for sure; I need to be careful around this woman. Shes so beautiful I can see myself falling for Lucindas trick again. Flirting is good; being an idiot is not.
Come on, Joey. You can do it. You dont need to fall in love with every psycho woman in this world. Why dont you ask Vinte out? The employer of Happy Bakery has a veryrge heart. Wouldnt that be better than the woman whos currently staring at you in silence?
Sometimes I find myself thinking that psychology really doesnt work. Arent men supposed to find women simr to their mothers? My sweet mother is the kindest woman in the world, always taking care of me and whatnot. Why do I look for women who seem more interested in killing/hurting me than taking care of me?
Im going to change, Princess Laura gets up from the stool and points to the stairs with a lifted eyebrow.
Yep. Last door to the right.
She goes up without a word more.
Why didnt I try to strike a conversation? This is not like me. Im usually put off by silence, and I try to fill it in every way possible. Did she use a spell or something?
Huh.
She didnt.
And thats how I fall from my stool.
Goddamnit.
Juler, for Gods sake. You gave me a heart attack! And you can read my thoughts? How does this even work? Arent you in the book? The book is in my bag of holding at the moment.
I bridged the book and your soul to have direct ess to you. Being in soul-form means that I can only do so much in the physical world; however, it also means that the physical world can only limit me so much. Thanks to this bridge, I have ess to most of your surface thoughts. Using a simple spell, I can convert them into what you are actually thinking. So, you dont need to speak. You can simply think of something, and Ill know it: its convenient for both of us. Ill be able tomunicate with you during our magic research Ive already made progress on that front and you will not look like a madman speaking to yourself. In this era, I doubt anyone remembers what a soul is capable of, but its always better to be safe than sorryespecially around that [Druid]. And, by the way, the Princess wasnt using magic.
This man speaks too much.
Way too much.
[Thunderbolt Curse]
My body seizes, still on the ground.
Souls have the same conception of time as normal people, more or less. I kept myself in a slumber, obviously otherwise, I would have gone crazy. But now, we have the opportunity of a lifetime. Ive already jotted down the calctions, and I think we can use amplifying spells to elerate the particles indefinitely in a simple [Light]. We can augment the mass of said light, add an electromaic field, and see if we can have it shed some gamma radiation.
I look at the ceiling, still on the ground.
I havent even checked the book, Lord Juler. Can I do that first? And before doing that, can I take care of the massive mess I made?
I can teach you a spell to read that womans thoughts. Its not that hard. That should definitely solve the problem of having to interpret her bodynguage, cryptic words, and bouts of anger. Thats how I used to deal with women in my days.
I snort. I cant help it.
No, thanks. It would take the fun out of it.
Silly student. One day, you will learn the importance of focusing on one thing at a time. But now, your Princess ising down; you want to avoid speaking out loud as youve done until now.
I get up from the ground and my eyesnd on Lauraing down the stairs. Shes wearing a in white robe, not unlike a long dress. The long and loose sleeves take away whatever sexiness that outfit could potentially have. However, it still looks very good on her.
I mean, shes gorgeous!
Oh, Joey! Stop it! Stop it!
When Laura crosses the door to the kitchen, I wonder if I should say something funny or not. For some reason, I opt not to say anything in particr.
Im ready to work, she deres.
You probably want to roll up your sleeves before I teach you anything. They will get dirty.
I have a [Cleaning] enchantment on this robe.
I shrug and nod. Good for her.
I gesture to a cupboard, and she follows me silently.
Novices should learn the easier stuff first. Ill have Tiberius and Quintus teach
No.
No, right. Ill personally teach you the ropes. I dont really have much to do around here. Ie up with new stuff from time to time, but the daily administration falls to Stanimal, and Quintus and Tiberius arepetent enough to run the whole food operation.
She doesnt react to my words at all.
Well, lets start from the basics, then.
Chapter 120: Responsibilities
Chapter 120: Responsibilities
We are under the scrutiny of everyone in the bakery, including Stan. However, I take my job seriously most of the time. I have a neutral expression on my face while exining the simplest things to Princess Laura. I know Im repeating myself, but theres some seraphic quiet between us, a cone of peace that has somehow sneaked up on us and is just otherworldly.
This special zone shields us from the obvious whispers about having a princess working with us. Stan watches us from afar, probably as confused as he can get. Well, Stanimal, I have no idea why the Princess is not acting crazy either, especially after she went full madwoman before.
You have to keep whisking away for a couple of minutes, I tell her. We have a contraption that can do the same when makingrge batches, but we stillck a properly small device for a ten people or less quantity. Youll need to stretch your hands a bitter. Otherwise, you may develop cramps at night.
Princess Laura isnt fazed at all. She nods and keeps going.
Joey, can we speak? Stan calls me.
Sure, give me one second. You keep whisking away; when it looks good, follow the steps I exined to you again. Quintus! Check on her while she cooks the crme. No skills!
I clean my hands on a spare cloth and follow Stanimal out of the kitchen.
Joey, what
Out, I nod toward the door. I have no intention of being heard by the Princess if Stan says something mean. Whatever equilibrium weve just reached could be very fragile, even if my heart tells me it might not be so.
Stan follows me, and I close the door. For safe measure, I slowly start walking away from the bakery in a random direction.
Has the child tried anything? he asks.
She has been extremely quiet since you have been gone, Stanimal. I think that reality sunk in, and shes regretting what she did.
It could be herst effort to save her mothers position, Joey, Stan sighs tiredly. Pce politics are like that. People can change in a day to win your favor.
She hasnt tried anything to win my favor, Stan. She has been silent, mulling over or staring at me. And there is no contempt, I exin to the old man.
You have already been tricked once.
Blood rushes to my head after hearing those words. This is the first time since I have met the guy that we have anything remotely close to a disagreement.
Yes, I have, I nod.
I would like to scream my hearts content out, but I know better than that.
Ill give the Princess some menial tasks. Washing the floors for a week straight will probably put a hole through her faade, Stan shakes his head and turns around.
Something inside me goes off.
STAN!
My voice booms with raw Mana, and a cloud of dust arises around us. Some people on the street turn to watch whats going on.
You do not beat a man when he is down and trying to get back up! It makes no sense! If a person makes even the smallest effort to be better, you reinforce that. You dont fucking squash their efforts, however small they are! Only cruel old idiots teach things like that!
Stan twists on his feet to look at me with the same stone-cold gaze he had when he threatened to execute the Queen of Elves.
What are you saying, Joey Luciani?
A boundless aura sweeps toward me and tries to suppress mine.
Stupid [Druids]. Let me help with that, student.
My aura suddenly twists and tightens. Mana moves around on its own ord and creates paths of power in my aura. Suddenly, my aura is much smaller but also more resilient than a fortified city wall. Goddamn.
Im saying that this is my bakery, Stan. My bakery, my employee. Ill take care of the Princess if you cant be a fucking decent person. And if you dont agree with that, Ill fire your ass and even whoop it if needed. Ill even fucking do my taxes on my own if it means we get to treat a person as such instead of treating her like a fucking animal.
My voice is cold and filled with anger. Only a few times in my whole life have I been this angry. I am not sure I wont regret this, but my whole being cant take seeing more abuse. Not by the people that are close to me. If Stan wants to set Princess Laura up for failure, Id rather terminate this partnership on the spot.
You would relinquish my help because of a woman you almost blinded and whos probably thinking about the best way to gut you like a pig? You want to save a woman who doesnt even consider you worthy of breathing?
Yes.
I stand my ground. Stans aura has been growing and growing, putting the first cracks in mine. Im not sure how strong Stan is, but it looks like he could probably kill me by just using his incredible aura.
What happens next is
Stan turns his aura off, spits on the ground, and walks off. He whistles loudly, and Grigioes out of the bakery and gets by his side in mere seconds. The beast looks as big as always. Plus, I can feel bloodlust from it. Its difficult to exin, but when I cross the animals gaze for a second, it feels like it might run at me and maul my body.
Fucking Stan.
He even made me swear like a damn sailor.
I stomp back to the bakery, fuming.
I find Tiberius waiting for me. Hes putting his weight on his stump leg: after getting enough money for a good prosthesis, the man doesnt have to use a stick as a prop anymore. Hes finally enjoying walking now.
Sadly, Im not in the mood to be happy for anyone.
Tiberius, take out all the contracts we have, all the tax forms. Get Lucillus and Antoninus as fast as possible. Stan might note back.
Tiberius widens his eyes and clearly has a thousand questions for me. However, the middle-aged veteran knows better than to ask me why I the arch-nemesis of paperwork would ever ask for all our legal documents at once.
I have some catching up to do. Goddamn responsibilities and mean idiots!
I hammer my fist on the table, and I have to breathe deeply so as not to lose control.
Chapter 121: Papers
Chapter 121: Papers
If the business owner is suspected of tax fraud, every three months, he will undergo a swift tax audit by surrendering the daily ledger, I look at said ledger by my side and nod. Truth stone and appropriate skills will be employed by an enforcer of thew specialized in credit collection. In case the amount of unpaid taxes cant be estimated with certainty, the enforcer will collect information on the products in storage and whether their trading volume is in line with the expenses and earnings. In case its not, the enforcer will submit, under truth stone, an oral and written report to the Watch. The business owner will have seventy days to pay the estimated difference, plus a fine to cover the costs of enforcing thew and a 3% interest rate on overdue taxes.
I rub my eyes, take a sip of my coffee yeah, we have coffee now and meditate about killing myself. I would like this to be a joke, but bureaucracy has always made me feel like this. This time, though, I said I would take care of it.
Ouch, I hiss in pain. My stomach.
When I look around, I realize we are at peak hour, and many people are running back and forth, herded by Tiberius and his cking leg. Lucillus is sitting at the table with me, my moral support. Antoninus is making sure no one disturbs us.
Joey, I guarantee you, this is pretty much all you need to know, really. Ill hire an [ountant] tomorrow. You double-checked every single document, including the property ones. No one is so thorough. Come on, lets eat something.
If I eat, Ill vomit right after. No thanks. Give me some water to dilute all this coffee, I gesture at him.
Anxiety grips me by the shoulders; my shoulder joints, in fact, feel like they are beingpressed, squeezed by a spectral hand. Hell, I should have gotten some anxiety medication. I feel my eyes starting to water, and I take a few deep breaths to avoid breaking down.
Would you like if I double-checked the ledger again?
Yes, thank you.
I put down the magic quill that doesnt need refilling every ten seconds and look at a bunch of notes.
Lucillus, what is the deadline for handing in the documents again?
You can ask for a collecting service every three months. A [Collector] wille here and give you an additionalyer of assurance. Few people go for that option since its harder to evade any taxes. A [Collector]s statement means your chances of getting audited are almost zero.
Would youe with me to request one tomorrow?
Sure. Are you not eating anything, though? You havent eaten since this morning.
Ill puke, I reply.
Ok, he nods and checks the ledger once again, sneaking nces at me from time to time.
I scratch the slight stubble under my chin; when I touch my notes with the same hand, I see a faint redness on the weird Elven paper. I touch the skin under my chin again and find some traces of blood. I close my eyes for a second, trying to collect myself and avoid scratching the nervous itch.
Enough, Student. [Dreamless Sleep]
The next time I open my eyes, I notice I somehow ended up in my room and that its morning. What the hell just happened?
I have seen your condition before. Students bing erratic when confronted with deadlines or apprenticeships that were too demanding. Soldiers who couldnt sleep after a shift of guard, thinking they saw something they didnt report. [Mages] who had nightmares so terrible they had to take the strongest sleeping draughts to shut their eyes even for a few minutes.
The sleep took a lot of my anxiety away, thankfully. Still, another terrifying day awaits me.
Lord Juler, this is normal for me. I am terrified of paperwork, and that something will go wrong. That I will end up in jail, bound and gagged for eternity because I didnt sign a document in the right ce. If you have a spell for this, Ill take it. Or a potion I could brew. An Enchantment. Could we enchant a [Calm] spell on the whole bakery? Or on my clothes?
You didnt practice magic for one second yesterday because of this great fear. You didnt help the [Princess] like you said you would. You were an inconvenience for your [Guard] friend. You could learn to st the Watch into oblivion, but you spent all your time double-checking everything, reading morew texts than a [Councilman].
It is what it is, I say while feeling the same anxiety creep on me again. But I cant avoid the paperwork anymore, can I? I get up, hoping I can finish my readings today. Oh, and I need to ask for a [Collector] visit. God.
As I get up, my body suddenly falters, and everything goes ck.
When my sightes back, Im in the white pce of Lord Juler, the [Supreme Archmagus].
I have fought magical gues and monsters that would make the greatest warrior in the world tremble, Joey Luciani, I find the guy sitting on a chair, surrounded by pieces of parchment full of graphs and numbers. Magic is the greatest thing in the world, but I found myself helpless at first when some of my students had simr problems. I tried many things, including the remedies you mentioned before. Nothing like that worked in most cases, it made things worse. Some became addicted to the tonics and spells, unable to live properly without them. Sometimes, our physiology is moreplex than magic, but nheless, it calls for simple, almost embarrassing solutions.
Lord Juler gets up from the chair and walks up a couple of feet from me.
My peersughed at me when I formted an elegant solution for this. See, everyone looks for the mostplex and articte roundabout way to do something. When I try to solve a magic problem, Joey Luciani, I have a very different approach. And especially matters of the mind have solutions that many do not consider viable because of pride, detachment, or social norms. As he smiles to himself, Lord Juler adds: But a Vanedeni cares not for these things. Its our nature to vanquish any foe, no matter the price or the effort.
Having said that, Lord Juler, a man slightly shorter than me but who now looks taller than life, hugs my hunched form and pats my back.
Its okay, son. There are no easy solutions to your problem, no magical shortcuts. You will grow ustomed to it. And until you do, Ill have your back. I take care of my students. If tax collectors have a problem with your documents, we can st them into the eternal void. And Ill teach you a spell to remember deadlines and appointments to not worry about them more than you need to. I had problems myself with the royal pce and its bureaucracy. But dont worry. Everything is fine.
Hearing theforting words of Lord Juler and feeling his fatherly hug, I cant help but sob to myself, hating how silly this fear of mine is.
Nothing is silly, Joey Luciani. Every foe deserves respect. Thats how the Vanedenis fight. We can scorn them, but we will never make the mistake of fighting with anything less than our best effort.
Chapter 122: Conversations
Chapter 122: Conversations
I wake up after crying my heart out for at least ten minutes. When I do, I find a surprising sight in front of me.
Are you alive?! Are you alive?! Princess Laura is shaking my body like a ragdoll, screaming directly into my face. Why is there blood?!
What? Why is she so pale and scared?
Blood?
Yo, I say while bringing a hand to my mouth. Ites back wet with bloodtons of it.
Its a good conversation starter. You can thank meter.
My brain quickly puts together what Lord Juler has just done.
Im fine, I say to the woman still shaking me.
Are you sure?! Why are you bleeding?! If you die, they will say I did it! Dont you dare die on me!
Jesus, woman. Im superstitious. Dont say that stuff.
I swear, Im good! This blood is totally random! Im not sick, nor am I at risk of dying soon!
After hearing my words, she finally seems reassured enough to notice that we are awkwardly close to each other. Wait, not awkwardly.
Why are you bleeding then? she asks, not letting me go.
I think I fell and banged my mouth. I cked out for a second because maybe I was still weak from not eating yesterday?
She nods even though my statement is formted as a question.
I have a potion with me; take it, she fishes out a potion from the bag of holding on her belt and uncorks it with one hand, trying to feed it to me.
I can do it
Shut up and drink the potion! she starts pouring the thing down my throat as if I just suffered massive internal bleeding.
I start coughing from the excess of healing potion this woman is trying to have me imbibe.
Good! You stopped the bleeding! Can you please not drown me now?
She sighs in relief and lets the body my body she was holding by the back fall to the ground. I bang my head on the rag I ced on the floor before I can stop my fall.
Princess Laura stands up and looks at my bewildered gaze with a pensive expression.
Get up, she orders me.
What?
Get up! she bends and takes my arm.
WOAH!
She hoists me up with incredible strength.
What thehow are you so strong? Im a bit skinny, but how
The Royal Family has skills to pass on the best genes and skills from previous generations. Queens are trained for their role and wont bear a child before all the right skills, potions, and rituals are in ce. I got [Greater Strength] from my father at birth. And a bunch of other skills. I actually got a mixed heritage, half-magic, half-warrior.
She says thest part with a note of resentment.
Isnt that good?
Shut it. Come with me, she drags me by the simple shirt Im wearing.
I look at my feet. Did I go to sleep with my shoes on? My mom would have killed me.
Why are you dragging me downstairs?
Princess Laura doesnt say anything in response. She just looks forward with a rxed expression while basically dragging me down an entire flight of stairs, putting me at risk of rolling down and cracking my head for good.
As soon as we hit a table, she roughly pulls out a chair and ms me on it.
Dont move.
She goes into the kitchen with a gait akin to a military march andes out a minuteter with a steaming te of different pieces of grilled meat. On the side, a dish full of lide and the weird purple potatoes that are a staple of Amoriums diet.
Thats a lot of oil, I look at the meat and the vegetables doused in olive oil. It almost looks like my mother made those.
If you die on me, Human, Princess Laura says while gently putting the tes in front of me and nudging them in my direction, my Ancestor will probably use me of having killed you. So, eat. Your bodyguard told me you starved yourself to learn how to do the paperwork for the bakery. You yellow-leafed, t-eared idiot! I am the Princess of this Kingdom! Of this entire Continent! I could have you run a sex trafficking ring, and the Watch couldnt utter one word of protest, and you worry about some stupid taxes!
She sits angrily beside me, nearly punching the table multiple times but hesitating every time she looks at the food and my bloodied mouth and shirt.
Are you eating, or do you need me to feed you?
I mean, I wouldnt mind
And Im not going to make it pleasant, Human. I have heard from your other employees that you are a womanizer. Try something funny with me, and Im chopping your virility away. Are we clear?
The clearest, for sure.
Then why are you not eating?
You didnt bring me any cutlery, to be honest.
She looked bewildered at my words before realizing that, indeed, she had brought no cutlery. She gets up and stomps into the kitchen, huffing, and swearing.
She has been staring at me for thest ten minutes as I cut the food and put it in my mouth. I feel like an anorexic daughter being forcibly fed by her worried parents and watched during the act. Will she make sure I wont puke this in the bathroom? I mean, she looks like she would.
I hate you, she says out loud.
Mh, I nod while chewing, not impressed.
I wish I could believe you had a political angle, that you were some sort of a spy trying to destabilize my country. But you are the most t-eared idiot I have seen in my entire life. I even used an artifact to double-check your ss. Not even an [Archmage] would be able to escape its effect, especially while passed out. It turns out you are only a [Luxmancer], a ss advancement of [Light Mage]. The only weird thing is theck of a [Baker] ss, but given the idiosyncrasies Ive observed so far, its not unexpected.
Idiosyncrasy, I snort.
What?
Its a funny word, thats all, I wink at her.
So, your employees told me you had a fight with my Ancestor because he wanted to humiliate me. And that my Ancestor an immensely powerful man capable of deciding who sits on the Throne of my country has been working at your bakery for almost half a year. And that he had been taking care of the paperwork and legal duties of this ce, a thing that apparently drives you crazier thanmitting high treason by almost blinding the Princess of this country permanently.
She brings a hand to her eyebrow and shakes her head.
You fired him, they say. And now you have to take care of something that, allegedly, brought you to have a breakdown. Even your bodyguard said he never saw you like that. Would you have me believe that all of this is true and not a plot? That you wanted to safeguard my interests and that you lost my Ancestor because of me?
I mean, if you put it like that, I guess you own me at least one date, right?
The Princess looks at me unfazed while taking her short sword out of the scabbard and calmly cing it on the table.
Say that again.
Chapter 123: Compulsion
Chapter 123: Compulsion
While the Princess of the Elves is threatening my life, a thought goes off in my head. Its a thought about how lucky I have been so far. Few things can really unsettle me, and for some reason, paperwork has always been one of those. I dont know where this primal feares from; I just know that its a real thing. Even though Ive suffered a lot because of it, I still managed to find people kind enough to care about my well-being. From Lucillus to Lord Juler, and even Princess Laura, the same person who wanted to gut me not even twenty-four hours ago.
I am not sure whether Ill be able to defeat this multi-headed beast that seems always to sprout a new head when I finally manage to excise one. But I can say that, within reasonable doubt, I have people I can count on. And maybe thats why Im not feeling as anxious as before. The thought of having to get a [Collector] still unpleasantly rings in my mind. But now, the terror has subsided. I am not in abject fear anymore. I am a bit annoyed, a bit anxious, and scared. But I also know that all these people around me care. And so, why should I betray their trust by killing myself?
Thank you, I say to the murderous Princess.
She looks at me and clicks her tongue before putting her sword away.
If you were an Elf, I would praise your courage and guts. But you are a Human.
Ill still take thepliment, I smirk, and I think Stanimal wants you to stay here so you hate Humans a little less. Lots of my peers can behave like killers. But thats also true for Elves. I got shivved in the street after barely a week or something.
Humans call us Demons and promote our discrimination throughout the world. Are youining because a little de scratched you?
Never called you a Demon, so why should I be the one paying for some stupid politicking? If anyone in the street calls you a Demon, Ill be the first to make them swallow their words.
Sure. And are you going to go to Teiko andy to waste every kingdom thats currently warring with us? Would you end a war by yourself, even if you could? Would you teach every single Human not to hate Elves like you are trying to do with me?
Holy.
Is this a trap?
Oh, man. I just fell for it. Oh, this is unbelievable. This is ridiculous.
Not even Stan, Lord Juler, or Vilith managed to do something like this.
What? Are you asking me what Im talking about?
Are you blind?
Cant you see whats happening here?
Ok, let me spell it out for you.
This is a part of the main quest.
If I say yes to her words, Lady Luck will bind me to them. Then, Ill have to fight the war to end the Elven-Human conflict.
Holy hell.
What do I say? I cant say that I will. Who am I to stop a war?
My student.
Oh, shush there for a second.
I look at Princess Laura, whos a bit taken aback by my silence and a dazed expression. Her purple hair flows in a lustrous waterfall around her shoulders, giving a royal attitude even to those in clothes shes wearing.
Shes not just beautiful. Shes what every man would think beauty should look like.
I mean, I think that at some point, Lady Luck will indeed force me to choose or outright kill me. So, I might as well try to make the best of a bad situation.
Say I stop this conflict between the two continents, I reply, would you marry me for that?
She couldnt help but snort at my question.
Are you daft? I would even carry your children if you could stop a war that no one, not even the greatest of us, could ever stop.
Oh man, why did you have to say that, I say with a pained expression, putting my head between my hands, facing the table.
What are you doing now, you t-eared idiot? theres a hint of hesitation in her voice.
I was hoping you would say no to this. Oh, man, now I have to stop an entire war. Goddamnit. I mean, at least it sounds like a good excuse to avoid paperwork. I guess I would be given an amnesty for all the wrong forms I submitted in that case.
Mmmmh, I perk up while thinking of that. That is an even bigger incentive.
An amnesty for the wrong submission of legal forms would be better than marrying me? Princess Laura fishes something out of her bag of holding and puts a translucent crystal on the table.
Is that a truth stone?
A truth stone of the highest grade. It can reveal truths even if youve convinced yourself that something isnt actually true. It will pierce whatever idiocy governs your mind.
I see several sparks sh all blue inside the truth stone.
That is wow. Lets try it. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever dreamt of encountering in every world Ive lived in.
Every mote of light inside the crystal shes blue.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Always speaking the truth.
Answer my question.
I would like to have at least three children, though. I was an only child, and only books and forcedbor were my hobbies. I think that every child should have siblings. Maybe a boy at first, then two girls. That way, the boy would protect the younger sisters. I mean, now that I think about it, all the women Ive here met so far were more dangerous than the men. So, thats that.
Blue, and blue.
Would you take an amnesty from all paperwork in perpetuity rather than marrying the Princess of Elves? Im pretty sure we could even arrange a treaty to avoid the repercussions of incorrect paperwork in every other country, as long as our kingdom was willing to foot the fines.
God, woman. You are making my life very hard. What kind of proposal is that? Thats the dirtiest thing anyone has ever said to me. How could I even think that such a benefit existed?
Maybe our marriage should take ce in a Garden rather than the Royal Pce. Id want something less stuffy if you know what I mean. Im not sure I want Lucillus as my best man. Maybe Id take Cami as a best woman if thats allowed. Oh, we could have Stanimal walk you to the altar!
Princess Laura slowly hunches forward on the table, balling her hands into fists. Shes clearly unhappy with me not answering her question. In fact, she fishes out a piece of parchment from her robe and smiles wickedly at me.
Is that for our vows?
Im sure this is a waste of my time and money, Human. But I want to know how stupid you really are, even if it costs me a good artifact.
She whispers a few words under her breath before speaking again.
Are you, or will you be able to, in a ten-year frame of time, stop the war between Epretos and the Kingdoms of Teiko, knowing that Teikos military power is no less than that of Epretos and that the power you have witnessed in my Ancestor is not nearly enough even to hopeto stop such a conflict?
[Curse Received: Compelled Answer, Truth-Inducing]
I see a skill sh in my mind, and before I can even realize whats happening, my mouth opens.
I believe I will be much more powerful than your current Ancestor and any living [Archmage]. I deem my chances of bing strong enough to stop this conflict high, if not very high. That is, obviously, if I put every effort of mine into such an attempt.
I go pale beyond imagination as soon as thest word forciblyes out of my mouth.
And the crystal shes blue.
Chapter 124: Interrogation
Chapter 124: Interrogation
What capabilities of yours make you believe that you can stop the war? the Princess locks her gaze on me and fishes out another scroll from her bag of holding before I can run away.
[Curse Received: Paralysis of the Limbs]
I feel my legs and arms go ck, and my mouth opens again.
My understanding of magic is probably one of the most advanced in this world. I firmly believe that, in due time, I will be strong enough to take on the challenge.
How can your magic be so powerful? she asks, skeptical.
Im a gifted person, I feel that something dangerous is almosting out of my mouth when I hear a voice in my head trying to reassure me.
Ill keep a lid on the most secret things. Otherwise, I think this is a great development. A feat worthy of a Vanedeni [Hero].
Define why you believe to be a gifted person, Princess Laura huffs, unsatisfied with the nature of the answer. Apparently, how she formtes the question makes a big difference in the amount of detail she gets.
I have always been extremely gifted in mathematics and physics. My teachers made me skip several years of school education because I was too good for it. If I had wanted to, I could have graduated high school passed my tutors tests at ten. Even though I behave like an idiot on purpose, most of the time, I can solve incrediblyplex problems that no one seems to grasp well enough.
Describe your results on the Cantrips, then, she says, frowning even more.
I canplete the 23 Cantrips better than anyone else I know. Most likely better than your Ancestor.
Princess Lauras frown deepens while looking at the blue inside the crystal.
How do you know there are more than 23 Cantrips?
I own a magical relic stolen from a great treasury read it in a book, and then my tutor taught me all the Cantrips.
The crystal sparks tremble for a second before they turn blue.
Trivial.
Why do you have a puny ss like [Luxmancer], then?
[Light Mage] and its advancements are very strong sses if you know how to manipte spell matrixes into different elements. Plus, thanks to the knowledge of my world my teacher has taught me, I can create deadly spells from simple [Light] spells.
Who are, or have been, or were, your teachers?
My teacher, singr, is a mysterious man whose real identity I dont know myself. Hes one of the greatest [Archmages] even to tread this ne. His name has been forgotten by most, but hes still at the apex of magical theory. His feats are, in fact, forgotten only in words, not in the great changes they had brought to all the continents. But even if hes great and Im only a speck of dustpared to him, I still have some worth as a [Mage] on my own.
Goddamn, Juler.
Once again, the [Supreme Archmagus] messes up the crystal, which shes a vivid blue.
Where is your teacher at this moment in time?
He taught me all I needed to know to follow in his footsteps. Left me notes upon notes, and then disappeared forever.
Lord Juler, please, can we tone the drama down?
The woman is satisfied with the answer.
So, you truly believe, even after experiencing the might of my Ancestor, that you could be strong enough to end this conflict?
Princess Laura, cant we stopyes, I firmly believe so.
And would you be reluctant to participate in the war?
A part of me would be. The other part would relish the action.
The woman takes a few moments to ponder my words. Her face never crinkles nor shows any doubt.
Why are you in a bakery, then?
Oh, hell. Lord Juler, could you help
No, child. You need to hear yourself. This woman is doing you a favor.
I dont want to put myself in a position where I could fail someone elses expectations of me.
Expand on that, Princess Laura says without the minimum regard for my privacy.
I am a good baker, and I can do this casually. I dont need to be a professional. I dont need to try so hard that failing would make me miserable. I could close the bakery tomorrow and still be happy about my choice in life. If I step on a bigger stage, Im afraid that any loss would make me as miserable as doing paperwork.
This is
Princess Laura knows she just tapped into something very deep in my thoughts, something that only a truth spell could force me to say. I dont even know whether to feel embarrassed or wish God would just smite me to death at this exact moment.
Yes, I fear loss. Yes, I fear going on a bigger stage.
I went through amazing baking and cooking courses in Italy and apprenticed under great Chefs, even if I didnt tell my mother that part. It took me a few months just to get to their level. The experience others needed years for I could reach in a week. Great Chefs got angry with me because they knew I would be greater than them; others encouraged me to pursue this more seriously. I ignored them all and went back home to open my own little bakery.
A great life isnt suited for just anyone. I have seen in those Chefs, in some of the people whom the universities had sent to speak to me, the great sacrifices they had to go through. And the problem is not even the sacrifice but the cost of failing when the stakes are so high. When you have to put aside your family, friends, love, and everything else in your personal life to try to be great, what happens after you fail? What happens when your attempt is unfruitful?
I slowly recline my head to my chest, sighing.
Im sorry, Joey, but I have a few more questions.
I would shrug if my arms worked properly.
Wait, isnt this the first time she actually used my name?
Would you like to fight for a mighty feat, for something greater than just what you are doing now?
Iugh before the curse canpel me to answer.
Yes, I answer out of my own volition.
The lights sh blue again.
And you would fight for us if we married?
Guess what.
Blue, baby.
See, that would have been a very nicest question to this interrogation. But s, Lady Luck is never on my side, is she?
But would an amnesty from all existing paperwork be more appealing to you?
Oh sh
Yes.
And it shes
Blue.
Chapter 125: Tragedy
Chapter 125: Tragedy
After I said I would help with the war, my interactions with Princess Laura became somewhat awkward. Neither of us knew how to behave around the other. So, we were kind of avoiding each other. I dont know why I did that it could have been because of the part of me shed uncovered, who knows. But the point is that we didnt interact much for several days.
She took to her baking job quite well, honestly. Her presence should have warranted diplomatic visits, but no one really came. Maybe her family warned the city not to make a big deal out of this.
I dont know. What I know is that a week went by without any major change.
Up until now.
Everyone is asleep while I sip a small coffeete at night. It should be around 6 AM, and weve just closed. The sun has yet to rise, but I hear tapping on the door.
Yes? I ask toward the shut wood.
Its me, Joey, I hear a familiar voice.
Stan? Come in.
An old manes through the door. His eyes are harder than what Im used to, but as soon as our gazes meet, they soften. As I get up and greet him properly, he gestures to stay put. With Grigioing behind him, he sits at the table, slowly and deliberately. There are no sighs, no breaths out of ce from the man. Hes just like that. Composed.
How was your holiday? I ask with a smile.
He looks straight into my eyes before chuckling.
I am sorry, Joey. I
Stanimal, everyone fucks up. You were mean; I kind of overreacted. We both did. If you are sorry, thats good enough for me. Princess Laura has not killed me yet. Plus, I think she might be considering marrying me, you know?
He slowly closes his eyes, nodding.
I visited her family, he says, I sorted out the matters at the royal pce. I made sure her mother couldnt cause problems through her family connections. It was unpleasant.
Well, old Stanimal probably went on a killing spree or something. Medieval times and whatnot.
Joey, I have to tell you something. I have been hiding a piece of my mind from you because I was afraid of putting too much pressure on you.
Stanimal, I already told the Princess I would end an intercontinental war in exchange for a royal marriage. And you know what? The thought of senseless ughter is still less terrifying than the modules the [Collector] gave us. But Im managing, thanks to Lucillus.
Joey, please, listen to me, he says with a sad smile. What you just said reminds me of what my son did. And the more I get to know you, the more you remind me of him. Would you mind me telling his story?
Sure thing.
Im aware that Stan did not address most of what I said. Instead, he wants to let something off his chest. I cant really say no, can I? This man became my manager, gave me some powerful artifacts, and helped me not get arrested by the Watch.
Let me tell you a story, then.
Vespasianus, King Tiberius addressed his son, the prince.
Father? a groggy reply came from a huge mound of nkets and pillows.
I have been told that you refuse to get up and that you sent the servants away. Are you aware of the fact that my orders were for you to get up and have lunch with the foreign dignitaries?
A moan of pain came from the huge mound on top of the bed.
Is that thing today? Oh, father. I need to sleep. I have been brewing potions all night. Cant we postpone the lunch to dinner, please? My head is killing me.
King Tiberius moved a hand, and all the nkets and pillows suddenly levitated away from the bed. He looked at the sorry figure of his son, fingers stained with potion marks, shirtless, and wearing rough pants, the kind you use when you know you will ruin a bunch of them.
You have two minutes, or Ill call the Royal Guard to have you clothed. Or Ill do it myself. Princess Clelia hase all the way here so that we can better evaluate the marriage proposal.
Oh, father, do we have to do this again? Thest Princess who came was an old hag! Cant I have some respite? I just want to practice my alchemy, please!
King Tiberius tightened his fist.
Your grandfather was a renowned war hero, so great even the Vanedenis paid their respects to him. And his sorry excuse of a grandson is whining about meeting a Princess? Vespasianus, you have one minute.
Luckily, Vespasianus knew better. His father might have been the king, but he wasnt above spanking his twenty-five-year-old son if it came to it. Therefore, the prince started dressing and cleaning his face.
Use something for that noxious smelling from you! King Tiberius barked, opening a window. I told them that you were immersed in some alchemic experiment. If they ask you about it,e up with something you were doing during the night. And if you make me look like a dull idiot, Ill throw you in the Dungeon.
Yes, father. YourMajesty, Vespasianus yawned and replied with sarcasm.
Come on, lets go.
Vespasianus was sitting in the room dedicated to banquets when Princess Clelia, as per protocol, entered through the main door. It took all his willpower not to do a spit-take right there and then.
The woman had a golden mane that reached her waist, and her lithe figure was most likely carved by a master [Sculptor] of the highest level.
Worlds Tree be cut, Vespasianus swore under his breath.
Shes out of your tree, son. Behave and look like a decent Elf before she realizes you are a dumbass, and this whole thing goes up in mes.
Vespasianus heard his father''s voice in his ear. The King had not moved, but he had used magic tomunicate with his son.
Father, shes
Prince Vespasianus, a Human herald addressed him, Princess Clelia salutes you. She has brought our gracious hosts a series of gifts in exchange for your hospitality.
Vespasianus nodded, not paying attention to the herald and the list of precious gifts. He was just looking at the beautiful woman in disbelief. He had his fair share of experience with women some of whom had even been beautiful nobles. And nobles used everything, skills included, to have their progeny be the absolute best.
However, Princess Clelia was the most beautiful woman he had everid eyes on. She looked like the emissary of Heaven, not of a stupid Human country.
May I sit beside you, Your Highness? the princess addressed him directly, defying protocol.
I shall be honored if you do, Vespasianus said while getting up and reclining the chair meant for his guest.
You are the most gracious, she smiled at him, making his heart flutter.
After they sat down, the court went through a series of boring procedures that were a part of the protocol for such important meetings.
This is all quite boring, isnt it? Princess Clelia whispered to him with a hand to cover her mouth. Sometimes, I wish I was born a peasant to skip all the fanfare.
Never in his entire life had Vespasianus agreed on such a deep level with a statement.
I have a tonic that makes you deaf and really high for twenty minutes. I might slip it in Her Highnesss cup if she wants me to.
They both giggled like teenagers at the exchange of yfulments.
King Tiberius closed his eyes and muttered a brief prayer to whatever entity had just brought his idiotic son such a nice Princess.
Two yearster
Son, weve received intel from the neighbors of the Almiris, the Nonacrinis. They said that the Almiri Princess, Clelia, is trying to get in your favor to backstab you. They have always been the ones to oppose conflict with us. And you know very well that the other Humans on the continent are extremely close to the Almiris.
Vespasianus raised his eyes from an alchemic tone in front of him.
Yes, Father. I think Princess Clelia may have ulterior motives.
That being said, Vespasianus put his eyes back on the book.
Ill cancel your trip to meet Princess Clodia in their Capital. Your life may be in peril. They might be after your life that would be the best way to start a war.
Vespasianus took onest look at the book before closing it. Then, he turned to the king, his father. King Tiberius was an imposing man but also a rather green ruler. He had not faced the same conflicts his father had. His levels were nothing to speak of, nor was his acumen superior to his peers. However, he was a good father, preupied with the fate of his son; and that was much more than many could hope for in a paternal figure.
Father, I had a revtion after visiting the Inner Sanctum, Prince Vespasianus spoke with a tired voice. I believe my life could end as soon as I step foot on Teiko. But I also believe theres something greater than my fate. Epretos and Teiko are ces of power, father. We cant keep fighting the Humans we share this continent with. And we cant keep fighting every other Human on Teiko.
My son wanted peace, Joey. He believed that the Humans would have listened to him, that he would have them listen to reason. He was assassinated shortly after arriving in their capital. They imed he almost killed the Princess and tried to flee the city. After that, they asked for reparations.
Stan smiles bitterly.
I started a war like no one had ever seen before. This time, only one race would survive. And we did. I managed to kill off or drive away every single Human on this continent. The peace with the Humans on Epretos had barelysted twenty years before their allies decided to kill my son. I was driven by rage. I discovered the most powerful and twisted aspects of my sses and dived deep into them. The warsted 170 years. I refused every single treaty and devoted thest twenty years of the conflict to routing Humans from Epretos. I spent almost two centuries consumed by rage and grief. Soon after we won, I gave up the throne in favor of my dead brothers great-nephew. Thats the same line that gave birth to the current King. I perceived myself unfit to rule anymore, but I kept helping the royal court with the most heinous matters. I would be a killer or a ughterer whenever I needed to. I killed our own kind when they rebelled or disagreed. I infiltrated Human settlements andid waste to them, poisoned their food and water, had their infants killed and thrown at the walls of their Capital.
Stan makes a brief pause.
But my son, Vespasianus, asked me not to do any of that. He told me that even if they killed him, I should be merciful. That one day, it would be a Human reconciling our two races.
Holy shit.
First, Stan is a war criminal. Second, is that a prophecy?
Oh, shit.
Yes, Joey. Its a burden. Im not sure what Vespasianus found in our Inner Sanctum, but he found knowledge great enough to know what would have been right. I didnt even try to follow his advice. I took my puny levels and sses and tried to be strong enough to end all Humans. Yearster, I became a husk of myself, a relict too old to be remembered by most but too strong to die. I let myself rot, telling the royal guard I wanted to be left alone that they should never contact me ever again. And then, I met a woman. A Human. Its been three years now, I think. She showed me kindness when I was in the streets. I could not have easily died of hunger, but I tried starving myself, nheless. A sick dog followed me in this misery and became stronger and healthier thanks to my skills. The woman tried to feed both of us, even though I ignored her countless times. As many Elves ignored us, she decided to take it upon herself to lift us up. I know that she got speciesist remarks and insults from other Elves. I was there. But she never took them to heart. She simply kept going. And when she asked me my name, I told her I didnt deserve my old name anymore, that I had tainted everything I had. That I was nothing. No one.
And she said to me, old man, you look like a Stan. If you like the name, keep it, its yours. That girl could not have known the atrocities that belonged to my old name. After a life of tragedy, her silly gesture felt enough to eat again, to take care of the dog she named Grigio.
Stan takes a big sigh before standing up.
Where are you going? I ask.
I dont know.
Last I checked, Stanimal, we still had a contract binding you to work for me, didnt we? And before you give me the whole oh, Joey, Im a monster who killed countless people, Id like to say thats who you were. King Tiberius did that stuff, not my Stanimal. Plus, to be honest, Im not sure I did everything right with the [Collector], and I might need you to sort our ledger. Lucillus says I did everything right, but I know he takes it away from me to adjust some of the numbers from time to time. Plus, your son was a nutjob, if I have to be honest. If I have to stop a war, Ill just rain some stupid meteors on them until they surrender or something. Rest assured that Im not doing any martyr stuff. And Im sure that you can do more good than bad by staying here. We can feed people, hire them, and so on.
I take a quick breath before continuing my speech.
And dont give me that mopey stuff about your past, man. Centuries went by, right? You did some crazy stuff, and thats not good. But you are here, and my mother used to say that everyone, even the worst person in the world, has a right to a second chance. They killed your son, and you killed a bunch of them. Now, you work with me. If your niece wants to marry me, Ill also need you to bring her to the altar, you know? I dont want the King of Elves doing that; it would make me nervous. Id prefer my Stanimal with me. So, what do you say, Stanimal? Do you have my back?
Chapter 126: Hot Goss
Chapter 126: Hot Goss
I look at Stanimal. My man is sorting out some of the mess I made in his absence.
Taking care of the administration is not easy, especially when you hate doing it with all your might. But I told my manager that from now on, I wanted to take on more responsibilities its time for me to mature a little, I think.
Ancestor, Princess Lauraes out of the kitchen while the other employees listen to Stans directives.
Well talkter, Stanimal says to the Princess in a mostly neutral tone, eyeing me right after.
Come on, my man. We are on the verge of a new era for Elves! Joey Luciani is going to marry your niece, Stanimal!
You know, some people would probably think, Joey, you just met her, you cant marry her. And thats fair. I mean, at least I get where you areing from. On the other hand, though, this Princess is the most beautiful woman I have everid my eyes upon. But Joey, you cant marry someone just because they are insanely beautiful.
Well, watch me.
Were getting married, baby!
Plus, Im sure youve noticed that theres something deeper going on between Princess Laura and me, havent you?
While my elucubrations ur in my head, a familiar figure enters the bakery.
Agostina? I look at my exndy with Julia and Domiti in tow, her sister and niece, respectively.
Joey! Julia shouts.
See, my bakery is quite big. The architectural work of Lakaris has yet to start. Between the mess with Stan and some stuff the Goblin had to take care of, everything got dyed. However, apparently, I own almost every single building in front of the Adventurers Guild.
Julia, if you are here for the mandatory training I point an usatory finger at the woman.
No, no. Dont worry! I wrote you off that. But your next expedition ising up soon. This time, its an extermination quest. Youll need to kill lots of monsters on the second floor of the Dungeon. The Adventurers Guild fears that a spige may ur soon. Therefore, they are rounding up teams and individuals with highly destructive powers.
Julia is basically my liaison for the Guild. She takes care of exining everything and delivering quests to me. I still have no idea how the bureaucracy of those things works, and I dont intend to find out anytime soon. Baby steps.
Ok Hi, Domiti, I smile at the young and prosperous woman.
Hi, Joey! the woman hugs me despite the disapproving gaze of her aunt.
But as soon as they are done saying hi, their gazes move to a corner of the bakery.
Thats where Princess Laura is sitting and reading a magical tome. They all go wide-eyed, even the icy Agostina.
Yep, we got a special new employee. Shes not that good, but shes learning. Do you want to say hi?
In an instant, all three women turned to me as if I had just insulted every God they believed in.
So, the rumors are true. Thats Princess Laura, says Agostina, almost whispering.
In the flesh, I wink.
What is she doing here? Julia asks.
Learning how to bake, how to treat Humans decently, and possibly getting married.
Marriage? Oh, right. Appius udius, the noble whos rumored to be the next Elf to reach the rank of [Archmage]. Hes the greatest husband prospect on the whole continent! If I''m not wrong, their marriage was arranged a while ago, I hear Domiti say.
Excuse me?
Come again? I say, narrowing my eyes.
The gossip is that Appius is smitten with the Princess, even though shes been refusing his advances for a while. However, their family saw a perfect opportunity to reinforce the crown and get them together whether they like it or not.
I can feel a pair of eyes on me, and I turn to Stan. The old, silvery man is grinning.
Oh, you damn schemer! Whats this, now? What kind of consumed clichs do I have to go through?! Whats next? We get engaged, but her mother hates me? Will I have to go through feats of strength and courage to im her hand? Will her mother cheat and make them as hard as possible for me to die on my quest?
Why did I just
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Lady Luck, please, forget everything I just said. Please!
My ears were tingling, I hear a feminine voice behind me.
Your Highness! the three women bow their heads, making a small curtsy.
Congrattions on your imminent marriage, Your Highness! Domiti blurts out, panicked.
Princess Laura looks at me. Shes probably trying to incinerate me with her gaze, isnt she?
Appius is a great man, Your Highness, Julia adds, Im sure you will be the greatest couple ever to exist. Im sorry if my daughter is bbing; shes just dumb. Maybe Ill marry her off to this other idiot by your side, Your Highness. Im sure they would make a wonderful couple of t-eared idiots.
Oh, thank you for your kind words, the Princess smiles with a glint in her eyes. She keeps her eyes on me while she asks with a stretched smile: Do Joey and Domiti share an intimate rtionship? Im sorry about my ignorance; I just arrived here because of my uncle.
Your Highness, do not apologize, please, Julia replies nervously, Joey and my daughter have never shared a bed, but Im sure neither of them would mind. And if he gets her pregnant, it would be an easy excuse to marry them both and
WOAH! I put my hands out to stop them both. Whatever tangent you are on, get off immediately. Im not marrying Domiti I mean, Domiti, no offense. You are gorgeous, but Im already busy on that side of things, so to say. Im still waiting for an answer, though. It seems that my quarry didnt really tell me everything. I reply while smiling brightly at the Princess.
Are you still hung up on Lucinda? says Agostina, the icy witch.
Oh, who is this Lucinda? You know what, Ill have a table ready for all of you. Why dont you sit with me while we share a chat among women? Only women, obviously.
Wait.
What?
How is this turning out like this?
Agostina, for Gods sake, why did you have to mention Lucinda?
Chapter 127: Lucianis the Name
Chapter 127: Luciani''s the Name
Appius is a dangerous Elf.
I almost jump on the spot when Stanimals deep voice reaches me.
God, you almost gave me a heart attack.
Im watching the conversation that could spell my end from afar. Ive been banned from the only-girls chat, and Ive been sitting in a corner, trying to get some glimpses of what they are saying. Sadly, Princess Laura has used multiple wards to shield their conversation.
If you are really thinking of marrying her, you should beware of
Oh, right! I forgot to ask because of our fight. But I want to buy an animal. Like a mascot for the ce. A cat, possibly. Can we go to the pet storeter? You have a thing with animals, right? Help me choose the best cat. Well name him Fyodor, like one of my favorite authors.
Having said the most important piece on my mind, I get back to watching the three women from afar.
Appius is almost an [Archmage] and has schemed more than he lets on. Hes a very dangerous person, Joey.
Almost an [Archmage]? When did that be a reason to be feared? You are the student and possibly the future disciple of a [Supreme Archmagus]. You shall not fear any almost an [Archmage] as long as I am teaching you!
Do you know how old people have a lot of free time on their hands and they just love talking? Well, most of the time, Im happy to spend even half an hour entertaining an olddy or an old man. They are full of interesting tales, weird observations, and, most of the time, racism. I could do without thest part, but ites with the whole package, sadly.
Now, Stan and Lord Juler are both old people. However, they should be busy doing their respective jobs, shouldnt they?
My soul can easily work on the mathematics for the spell while it follows your journey.
Are you bringing me to the pet store or not? Answer the question, and then we can move onto less important stuff like the Appius dude.
Yes, Ill bring you to the pet store, Stan sighs.
If you keep sighing like that you might turn into Lucillus, beware.
I sent him to fetch Master Lakaris, by the way.
Oh, God. The Goblin, again.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever. What did you want to say about the Appius dude?
Hes powerful and dangerous. Are you sure you want this conflict? Stan asks while stroking his beard.
I turn away from the conversation between the four women to stare at Stan with a serious frown.
Stanimal, consider me a new man, okay? If Princess Laura agrees to marry me, Ill st this Appius dude into nothingness if he tries anything around me. Im taking this very seriously.
Stan ponders my words while I resume my death-stare at the pow-wow I was kicked out of.
You shall exin why you want to marry my niece, then, Joey Luciani.
I hear a solemn toneing from my side, and a thought barges into my head.
Should I call the cat Lenin? In fact, arent cats just like Communist leaders? They fake being equal to other cats, but really they just want everything for themselves.
I feel Stans hand reach for my shoulders and squeeze a little.
Well, Stanimal, why shouldnt I marry your niece? Shes beautiful, she wants me to end an intercontinental war, and shes smart. She also looks like shes secretly kind and caring. Im not sure about sweet. But I can make up for that.
Would you be ready to take all of that on?
Sure, why not.
You are talking about war, politics, duels. This goes beyond having a simple bakery.
I mean, Ill keep the bakery, obviously. Ill do the heroing stuff on the side; casually, you know?
You speak of toppling kingdoms, fighting the strongest bloodlines of Epretos and Teiko with less fear than you would breed over the [Collector]s documents to fill out, Stan muses.
As it should be, I snort.
Well, we shall see, Stanimal removes the vicious grip from my shoulder, Ill observe from the sidelines, Joey. I dont want to intervene more than I already have unless I am fully convinced that you will be an era-wide change for my people and the rest of the world.
Fair enough.
A minute of silence sweeps over us.
And by the way, are you sure you want a cat? They are vicious beasts.
They remind me of someone, I say with a smile while looking at the purple mane swinging back and forth during raucousughter at the womens table.
Ancestor, Princess Laura bows her head, reaching the table where Stan and I are ying cards. Ive had a custom deck made based on the Italian game of Brisc, something easy and funny to y. My cousin robbed me blind every time we yed, that criminal.
Sit, Stan says. I visited your parents and personally ensured that your mother would not scheme anything dangerous. Many retainers of your family died because they were more faithful to the dethroned Queen than their country. The Queen is currently on your grandfathers estate, far from the Capital. Your father shall select a better Queen to rule with him in three years. If he cant do so, hell lose the throne as well. As for you, shall you show me that you are not worthy of being a Princess, you shall lose your titles and follow your mother. Soon, we will visit your brothers. I have already arranged tests that should be taking ce at this exact moment. As I said, I shall not bear witness to royalty incapable of kindness. There have been enough monsters in the Royal Family, and I wont allow more to emerge.
Are my brothers in danger? Princess Laura asks.
No. The test is meant for their character, not their martial prowess. Strong or weak, a foolish ruler will always be a cmity for their subjects.
Ancestor, Joey Luciani proposed to me. He said he would end the conflict between Humans and Elves if I epted. I ask you to be the judge of such a statement, the princess says while looking at me.
You two are so intense, man. Cant you chill a bit? Whats the point of dering war and being all solemn? Cant a person rx before doing that stuff? I mean, why stress so much about it if the thing itself is stressing?
My words fall on deaf ears.
This Human was capable enough to bring me into his bakery and kind enough to offer a bigger daily wage than what a small merchant would make in a month. He asked me not to humiliate you, Princess Laura. He put his life on the line for a person who tried to kill him. If hes working on an borate ruse, hes probably a [Mastermind] over level 80. So far, I judge his character as more honorable than even my sons.
Princess Lauras lips slightly part, leaving an expression of disbelief on her face.
As far as his power goes, Joey Luciani is a [Mage] of incredible prospect. We shall assess his capabilities by putting him up against the most talented [Mages] of the Nine Towers Academy in five weeks. Shall he win all the duels against his peers, I will evaluate whether or not hes fit to marry into the Royal Family.
Wait, I say, rmed. What do you mean into the Royal Family? Ill marry the Royal Family, right?
Into the Royal Family, Stan repeats in a lower voice.
So, Ill have to change myst name? Wont she be Laura Luciani? And whats even thest name of the Royal Family? Hell, Im not changing myst name! This is preposterous!
You have to duel every talent of the Nine Towers Academy, and thats what you are worried about? the Princess asks me.
Hell, yeah. I dont care about those dumbasses. No one is changing my surname into whatever weird stuff you people are up to. If you want to marry this prime American-Italian rib,ssie, you have to take myst name! Its going to be Laura Luciani, baby!
Chapter 128: Respect
Chapter 128: Respect
So, Joey, what do you think? Julia asks me with a hopeful smile.
You want me to help Domiti improve her magic so she can enter the Nine Towers Academy? I state out the terms with a frown.
You owe us, Agostina remarks from the side.
Agostina! Julia ps her sisters shoulder.
No, no. Its true. Im just not sure why you would send her there. [Archmages] and all that business stink to high heaven. Why dont you just let me tutor her?
Isnt that what we just asked? Julia says.
No, I mean, like, let me tutor her. Indefinitely. If she wants to learn magic, I can probably teach her more than those [Archmages]. Plus, I think I might need something like my personal clique of [Mages] and soldiers for the war. It would be a nice starting point.
All three women look at me as if I just spoke Arabic.
The war? Julia asks with a frown.
The same idiot who almost blinded himself with a [Light] spell wants to teach my niece, iming that hes better than an [Archmage]?
Meanwhile, Lucillus and Antoninus have made their way back with Master Lakaris.
Joey, the usually taciturn guard intercepts me. Do they know why Lucinda ran away?
The three women stare at me, even more confused.
Raising my hands and sighing, I surrender myself to exining everything.
I taught Lucinda some of my insights into magic. She thought they would be valuable enough to run away and get an [Archmage] apprenticeship or something like that. The thing I taught her was the most basic among the things I know. I would teach Domiti, no problemas long as she signs a magical contract with me, guaranteeing the safety of my knowledge.
Dont be nave, student. Even if you want to share your knowledge, which is admirable, you should take measures to protect it. In the wrong hands, it could do a lot of harm.
Why dont you duel me, then. If you can show me
Nah, I interrupt Agostina immediately. I agree with Lord Juler, but Im not dueling anyone just to prove my capabilities. My father used to say that some opportunities are based on faith. So, if you believe in what Ive shown you so far, Ill take Domiti as an apprentice and teach her better than any stupid [Archmage]. I can swear on a truth-stone that my current knowledge and resources can probably give her the most solid magic foundations on the continent. As long as she swears it on her magic not to reveal my secrets, Ill not bind her in any other way. She wont have to do any menial tasks for me, by the way. I have Lucillus and Antoninus for that.
Two pairs of eyes look murderously at me, but we both know they make a bunch of gold every day by just walking around, fetching people, and chatting them up.
I agree! Domiti jumps to her feet, making her massive front jiggle perilously.
Domiti! her aunt looks ready to smack her.
Come on, Agostina! Joey has been praised by many Gold-rank adventurers so far. I think the boys hiding big secrets. If hes that strong, it will definitely benefit Domiti. If he isnt, its not like she was going to the Nine Towers Academy anyway. Her talent sucks.
Wow, thats some maternal love.
Stanimal, can you help me with the
Ask your [Druid] instead of me, and Ill have your soul ripped to pieces, Joey Luciani.
Nah, on second thought, Ill just draft the contract myself, and then we can all take a look at it together.
Man, this ce is getting crowded, by the way! Lakaris, my man! Lets go chat about this architecture stuff that you like so much! I add right after.
Where? We already ate
The pet store! I pump my fist in the air triumphantly.
The pet store? the great Goblin [Architect] asks.
The pet store! I reply.
Yeah, he wants to go the pet store to pick an animal, Stan adds.
You want to discuss it while we are in the pet store? Lakaris looks ready to have a stroke.
On the way there, too! Im feeling good today! Come on, giddy up!
I look at the procession of people starting to follow me, and I take a note of a big absence.
Yo, Princess Laura, are youing?
I see her hesitating before crossing gazes with Stanimal and reluctantly stepping forward.
I dont like animals, she adorably twists her nose.
I have at least three very dirtyebacks that I shall keep to myself.
As we are all going out, I hear Agostina speaking to her sister in the distance.
Didnt he mention a war?
So, I want it white; jot it down, I tell Lakaris as soon as we are out of the bakery.
What, pray tell, would you like to be white?
The thing! I gesture in the direction of the bakery.
What thing?
God, the thing. What did youe to build? A bakery, a district, a castle? Whatever it is, I want it white.
Lakaris keeps up a surprisingly fast pace, despite his shorter legs. Among the Elves, Lakaris looks like a dwarf. Even I have problems with most people around me, and Im very tall by Earths standards.
Do you realize I have a waiting list that goes on for years? That people bid for my time, hoping that I wont die too soon? Some of my patrons send me tonics of incredible value to keep me healthy. And you have been wasting my time longer than any other employer I have ever had!
Yo, man. Im sorry. I didnt want to be disrespectful. Im sure your work is the finest on the continent. I just wanted to start somewhere. If someone told me that they wanted a white cake, I would suggest an array of cakes that go best with the color white. For example, you cant have a white tiramis, can you? In the same way, Id like the bakery and whatever adjacent building to reflect the idea of cleanliness and order that a bakery has. All in white. That would also give us the opportunity to work with some colorful additions to our uniforms.
My words leave Lakaris stumped.
Yeah, little green friend, Im not underestimating your job. And you better not be so smug with me. Theres a new Joey Luciani in front of you. I respect what you do, but you better respect what I say.
Chapter 129: Ideas
Chapter 129: Ideas
I suggest you buy every single remaining building in this area, Lakaris sketches theyout of our block with insane speed on a piece of parchment in his hand. You need this, this, and this building to be razed to the ground. Once you have all of that ready, we can n for a bakery with both a restaurant and a proper bakery ce. You can use the restaurant for adventurers during the day and to favor foot traffic in this zone. Ill also make towers here, here, and here. Probably add even more. You will need to hire some [Archers] or, even better, [Snipers], and [Marksmen]. They will guarantee security for the civilians at all times. If you speak with the [Mayor], they could even subsidize part of that.
Man, Lakaris is going full-[Architect] on me. And it sounds super cool.
You will need to decide how many things you want to deal with. Stan told me you have some fermenting and roasting rooms going on. That will take up space, but we can make it into a tourist attraction if you dont mind the risk of giving your secrets away. But given that you are in the food industry, its a given that people will, at some point, start copying you. Therefore, making the architecture part of your culinary experience would give you a uniquepetitive advantage. We can organize tours of the ce or do tastings. You could even use it to attract the best [Chefs], [Bakers], and all rted sses in the country. If I get permission from the city, I would like to take all this dead space here and turn it into a big park. If we can relocate the civilians livingwait, Stan, are there civilians living here?
We bought that ce three weeks ago, Stan says while pointing at the sparse piece of parchment that Lakaris is wielding.
Did you? How much money can a bakery even make? Anyway, that makes it easier. I have no idea how you didnt have families protesting being relocated, but thats good. We can make the lodgings with amunal area in mind; a ce meant to swap advice, trade secrets and bring different sses together. All in all, we could have a small citadel inside the city proper that would attract tourists, talent, and lots of clients. The materials needed for such a construction, unless you also want to make it into a fortress, wont be too expensive. But thats rtive to the average construction I make. It will still be something that you will not be able to afford. You better go to the bank and check your credit for a loan.
Stan waves a hand, dismissing such advice.
The Royal Pce will foot the bill, with zero interest and unlimited time to return the money. The coffers are fuller than I imagined. That brat better not be stingy with me.
Lakaris looks at Stan and the implications of his words. Then, he just resumes talking. You dont question a man who can drop names like the Royal Pce like that and call a person, most likely the king himself, a brat. In fact, Lakaris seems to enjoy not having a limit on the expenditure.
Well, then we can settle to have magical enchantments of any kind. Its going to take a while before we finish everything. But the main part should be good to go in a couple of months. I would say it will take two months before you can use the ce again. I need to call in more crews to demolish the ce,y down magical foundations, and so on. Can you afford not working for two months?
Yes. We will temporarily visit the Nine Towers Academy since Joey has some work to do. You have five weeks before we depart to arrange everything. I want a list of all the materials you think you need, the sketches, and the blueprints, Lakaris. Plus, we need to decide what all of this will be. Well leave the details to you, but I bet Joey wants to have a say in it.
Stan and Lakaris are talking about this stuff with such fervor that even I get infected by their mood.
Oh, we should have a romantic lounge for lovers! And we need to invent a holiday when only couples get in! St. Valentines but in a magical world! HO! Thats going to be a st!
As Im on the verge of losing myself in the sea of ideas that Im brewing, we finally approach the biggest pet store in the city.
Do you have any pets, Master Lakaris? I ask while looking at the huge logo outside the building.
Theres a massive wolf carved into the wood with a small bird on its head. Just below the wolf, it reads, Augustuss Friends.
Seeing that name reminds me that Ill need to talk with the other Augustus at the Nine Towers Academy. I didnt get to meet him again before he had to go back. I know hes close to Lucinda, but the man wasnt half bad. Its going to be awkward, though, isnt it?
Animals are mostly afraid of Goblins. Few of my kind keep them aspanions, the [Architect] answered my previous question.
Why are they afraid?
We eat them, usually. All of them, Master Lakaris replies with a toothy smile. For the first time, I notice how most of his teeth are pointy and very sharp, perfect for ripping meat off bones.
Understandable, I say with a shrug.
Im no hardcore animal-rights freak. If the green men want to eat their cats, let them. Theres a region in Italy where they eat cats, even if they dont publicly admit it.
Now, while I cross the entrance to Augustuss Friends, I start thinking about which cat Id rather have with me.
Chapter 130: White
Chapter 130: White
Some people say that animals are better than men by men, I mean Humans. Seeing how the average proponent of such a statement is usually a single woman in her forties owning four to ten cats, it may have been confusing.
I like animals. I especially like cats. To me, its not the fact that they are aloof and otherworldly creatures but the fact that they are cute. Thats the selling point. Sure, some people see cats as arrogant masters of the world. But to me, they are just little kids trying to act as tyrants. If you take that seriously, its like kicking your nephew across the room when he asks you to y heroes and viins.
Plus, cats are kind of sleek. They are agile and can jump anywhere whilending on their feet. I like that concept. I find it very deep. And also funny when theynd on their face.
By the way, the sad reality is that most people dont train their pets. Cats, contrary to popr belief, are trainable. Oh, Joey, but are they trainable like dogs? What? Are you asking me to measure on a non-existent scale how much they are trainable? Cats are animals, like dogs. Unless urban legends have gone to your head, you can teach them to behave the same way you teach dogs. As far as I know, some dogs are actually harder to train than cats.
As I enter the ce, I hear a greatmotion in the main room. The ce is huge, almost as big as a small Walmart, which is huge, obviously. And there are many people in leather uniforms taking care of animals or just showing them to possible clients.
I am tired of you! If you do that again, I will grill you! I dont care how much I paid! You cant keep opening the other cages!
Huh.
That sounds like cat behavior to me.
Lets see.
I make my way forward, actually passing by many different cat cages. Im not sure I can call them cages since some of them are quite big, and they look morefortable than my own room.
Master Augustus, please, let her be! You know how she is!
I hear a pleading voice while other clients try to ignore the riff-raff. Interesting; is this amon scene around here?
I am tired! No one will buy this goddamn beast! I spent hundreds of golds on this idiotic animal! She just doesnt listen! Ive tried everything! Everything! I doubt anyone in Amorium has more levels than me! What should I do, Lucius? What?! Should I just resign and keep feeding her with expensive things? Shes bleeding me dry! Shes bleeding me dry; I say!
Wow.
Thats a tantrum.
As I turn a corner in the huge pet store and yes, Im still amazed by the size of this establishment. In case you forgot, we are in medieval times. Who the hell needs a store this big for animalpanions? Am I the only one finding this absolutely weird?
Stan and Princess Laura are behind me. Master Lakaris has stopped on the way to observe some cats. Lucillus and Antoninus are at the tail of our group.
When I turn the corner, I find myself looking at something weird.
Very weird.
A middle-aged man is being restrained by two younger people, both quiterge and stocky. On the other side, on what looks like a big pedestal, theres a
A white pig?
The little fur on the thing is as white as it gets. Its whiter than bringing your child tocrosse practice. And as I look at it, its little azure eyes stare back at me, full of contempt.
Boss, there are clients, one of the two men whispers to whom I suppose is Augustus of Augustuss Friends.
Augustus twists out of the two-men grasp and turns to me. However, as soon as he sees someone behind my back, he goes pale.
For the Worlds Tree, Princess! Im so honored to have you here! the man bows his head and almost starts crying. Im so sorry you had to see such a despicable moment of wretchedness!
Princess Lauraes forward and just waves her hand, putting the matter to rest.
Its fine. My
Oh.
OH.
DID SHE JUST FREEZE?
friend, here, she says after a second, is looking for a pet. Probably, a cat. Would you mind helping us as soon as you are free from your current duties?
The Princess can be nice, cant she?
But what was that? What was that hesitation? Oh my, oh my.
Absolutely, Your Highness. Im just frustrated with a magical beast. I bought that little pig from a high level [Breeder]. Even he advised me not to since we often do business together. He told me that he couldnt rein in her overbearing character. That little monster goes around at night and frees all the animals. Or just trashes the ce to make me miserable. Plus, she eats a veryplex diet of magical things! And shes even picky! Oh, PrincessYour Highness, Im sorry! Im really not myself today. Just give me a moment to collect myself.
I stroke my chin while looking at the white pig.
Then, I look at Stanimal.
He shakes his head with an expression pregnant with denial.
As I always say, when you read a lot, you see certain narrative opportunities that are put in front of you. The more you dare, the more you get. And if a cat is a little clown on its own, this pig would be the entire circus, wouldnt it?
Sorry, wouldnt she?
Chapter 131: Princess
Chapter 131: Princess
That pig is smart. Thats the first thing Ive noticed. Im confused about why the so-called [Tamer] and owner doesnt treat it with more respect. From the little I can see, it does have very intelligent eyes. And when you deal with intelligent creatures, you shouldnt patronize them. On top of that, after all the insults andints, I really doubt that pig will give this Augustus the time of the day.
Hello, I say while approaching the white pig on her pedestal. Its a small pig, not exactly baby-sized, but small. Its the size of a fat Wiener, Id say.
The white pig doesnt respond in the slightest.
Im Joey Luciani, Your Highness. I couldnt help but notice how your presence stands out amidst all the plebe scuttering around here. And Imend your heroic feats of trying to liberate the oppressed masses. May you and I discuss a partnership? If you dont mind, that is.
Every other person around me goes silent while I speak to the little pig.
Look, I know I might be mistaken, but my sixth sense for girls says that this girl right here needs some coaxing. Plus, she looks like pig royalty.
Excuse me, Your Highness, what is that Human doing
Silence! I thunder at the owner, cringing a bit inside.
I really hope Im right about this stupid animal.
Im speaking to another Princess here, I say while pointing respectfully at the white pig.
May I propose something to you, Your Highness?
The white pig holds my gaze for several moments before she snorts and slightly raises a front leg, apanying the gesture with a nod.
Im looking for a partner for my joint. Im the greatest [Baker] in Amorium, and I could supply you with the best original foods in the country. And it looks like someone of your stature is being treated unfairly here. Would you lets settle on a price for your partnership with these peasants and bring you back with me?
The pig looks taken aback.
Good God.
This pig does understand me, doesnt she?
That pig is a Wallorian Treasurer. The people who used to know how to breed such a marvelous beast have all died. The Treasurers are used for smelling ore veins, Mana, and even artifacts. If you bring one into a Dungeon, they can smell traps and treasures. If they are faithful to you, they will bring you to the treasure room without triggering a single trap and fighting as few monsters as possible. If they are not, they will walk you into the deadliest pit and will not even blink at your gruesome death.
Well, isnt that quite the image?
Plus. They are worth tens of thousands of golds each. They dont breed normally. Even if you breed two Wallorian Treasurers, you will only get another one every fifty pregnancies. Sometimes, if a [Breeder] or a [Farmer] is lucky enough, they will get one from a hidden line of genes in their pigs. Those people used to make enough money to buy a noble title in somends. The only caveat is that they are impossibly hard to raise properly. They are conceited, arrogant, and, most of all, they seem to know their intrinsic value. Your approach is correct, but you will need to keep it always up. A Wallorian Treasurer is nomon beast, and its more intelligent than your average person. If you want to raise it, you will need to listen to me. Your [Druid] friend also knows a trick or two, probably. But he looks like someone who has been marked.
Marked?
And cant you sum up your exnations?
Marked. The Wallorian Treasurer can use a special skill to mark a person. Said person will never be able to gain the trust of Wallorian Treasurers. They are among the few animal species that can gain levels, Joey Luciani. Be careful. This encounter may bring you more riches than your other Princess.
Well, isnt this something? It is a bit clich, to be honest. But at least its something.
Do you have a name already? If you do, Ill give you a way to spell it for me on the ground or with some parchment. If not, may I propose one?
The little Wallorian Treasurer looks at me with interest. Then, she shakes her head and offers me to go ahead with a raise of her front leg and a royal nod.
You clearly look like royalty of your kind, Your Highness. And your beautiful mane should be celebrated in words and titles. Therefore, what do you think about Princess Bianca? Bianca means white in thenguage of my parents, and its associated with purity and holiness. I think it may fit Your Highnesss status.
The pig smacks her lips before nodding contently.
Well, Princess Bianca, let me deal with this peasant for you.
Men, I really hope no one puts a shiv in my kidney after this de.
Mr. Augustus, whats the price to free Princess Bianca? I wiggle my eyebrows seriously and move my eyes to the side, hoping he will understand.
What?
He didnt.
Goddamnit.
Stan, just pay him the price. Ill be taking Princess Bianca back with me, and Ill show her new lodgings.
I bow to the Wallorian Treasurer and smile.
May I, Your Highness? I say with my hands proffered toward her.
She nods and jumps between my arms.
Now, we have two Princesses in our bakery, I say while turning to Princess Laura. It has to be a record.
The woman with purple hair looks like shes on the verge of having a stroke. A huge blue vein is pulsating on her forehead.
Are youparing that pig to me?
I hear a snort, and I see a mocking expression on the white pigs face. Princess Laura is probably thinking about making some white sausages, isnt she?
Well, better not to answer her question, then.
I scutter away toward the exit, knowing I will get so manyughs for the new little royalty in my embrace.
Princess Bianca, we are going to have some fun together.
For the first time, the Wallorian Treasures squeals like a pig, probably agreeing with me.
Chapter 132: Hat
Chapter 132: Hat
Do you think through your every decision?
I dont.
Thats how I ended up with a Wallorian Treasurer, a white pig of exceptional value. Stan was telling me, moments ago, that it costed us around five hundred gold coins. Thats fair. From what Lord Juler told me, this little thing is probably worth much, much more.
I cleaned up an empty room for Princess Bianca and asked if she preferred resting alone or keeping mepany while I was doing some magic.
And thats the story of how a little pig watched with mild interest me doing magic.
Thank God, Princess Laura finally calmed down. Its hard to exin some jokes to her. Shes very mercurial about this stuff. And the problem is, I could not take my words back in front of Princess Bianca, could I?
You finally decided to go back to magic after all that fooling around. Youpleted the Cantrips, but you still have to consult the book, dont you?
Thats true.
After the whole Stanimal debacle, I didnt check the book.
Book, I say while taking it out of my bag of holding.
The big tome levitates in front of me and Bianca snorts with interest. Im about to peer down the new ink thats appearing when a loud squeales from my side. Looking down, I see an outraged Bianca looking at me like an idiot. She points her small front leg at the book and then at herself. Her outrage is a dangerous crescendo.
Im not entirely sure what she means
Wallorian Treasurers can often read, Joey Luciani. She wants to read what the book is saying.
Good God. This pig has more literary interest than Antoninus!
Picking up my little Princess, I show her what the book is saying.
The path of an [Archmage] is filled with hard trials. Most of them are deadly. Youpleted the maximum amount of Cantrips before the time limit could expire. Magister Mulligan would be proud of you.
Proud is a bit much. Satisfied, Id say.
Eons ago, magic was great. Nowadays, people becamezy andcent about their practice. The foundational skills of a [Mage] should be refined over years. Only the greatest could hope to shorten their initial training. You count among those people, but beware: arrogance has ruined more than one [Archmage].
For your devotion to magic, you get a reward. Few can boast aboutpleting all the Cantrips in under nine months. Put your hand inside the book and take your reward.
Is this book going to bite me or something? Thest time it gave me a reward, it was more homework.
Oh. I think I know what I put up for this reward. Go ahead.
Tentatively, after shifting Princess Bianca on only one arm, I put my hand on the book, and it disappears through the pages. Feeling something on the other side, I try pulling it back.
When my armses back, Im holding a
Is this a giant wizard hat? I look at the the thing with a raised eyebrow. Its definitely on therger side, something like two and a half feet or something. Its the kind of thing you might want to be careful about when you cross a door.
This is one of the great artifacts Magister Mulligan coborated on with some of the greatest [Tailors] in the world. Wear it proudly at all times.
Is this a joke?
I suddenly feel Princess Bianca squirming and I realize shes sniffing the air furiously. She looks at the hat like a pig possessed.
It might be considered a joke. Or maybe, an act of pettiness. I never liked [Witches] and my rtionship with their cabals was quite strained. One day, I was particrly crossed. Therefore, I made this artifact to scorn them. I used to wear it at all times. It has a number of enchantments or Cantamen, which is the Vanedeni denomination for enchantments on it. Id say that in this disgusting era, its could probably be considered a relic. To me, its akin to a great artifact. Maybe slightly superior to a great artifact.
Can I make it a bit smaller? I ask with a grimace.
Not really. See, I had just told the [Queen of Witches], or whatever her wretched ss was, that those hats were silly. A witchs hat doesnt actually do much apart from the general We didnt talk about rituals and eidetic magic, did we? Well, suffice to say its magic relying on the supernatural. Symbols, faith, empathy with the world. [Mages] have always been disgusted by such practices. Its not science. Its just
Excuse me if I interrupt you, Lord Juler, I say. Are you telling me that you didnt put any [Resize] spell or whatever on this ungodly hat? And, on top of that, that you created such an artifact to spite witches?
Well, you should have seen that womans face. It took me a year to find all the necessary materials and put together enough craftsmen. The interior is made of softened dragon leather it is quite luxurious, yes, but its also a necessity because I suffered from these red patches on my head from the stress. When you find the right person to work dragon leather, it bes the perfect interior for anything you have to wear on your skin.
As the man bbered as per usual, I felt a tingle on my skin.
Then, I noticed the book made some more ink appear.
This is a great gift and it must be worn at all times. You can only take it away for necessity or sleep before you reach the rank of [Archmages]. Before then, any transgression of this rule will get you an electric shock every ten minutes.
Oh. I forgot about that part. I must have removed it from the memories I retained. Thats what happens when you use too many skills to remember things. Your soul gets weaker.
Putting aside the instant revtion that the soul has something to do with memories. Do I have to wear this ridiculous headpiece, now? And wait. Wouldnt witches get angry at me for ridiculing them?
Dragons too. Im not sure what their foreign politics is at the moment. But using their bodies to craft things is a big taboo.
Wait. Didnt I steal you from a Dragon or something? I said, starting to sweat.
Yes. That one is or maybe was a bitch. Pardon mynguage.
I slowly put the hat on top of my head, while Princess Bianca squealed in delight at the sight of such an artifact.
Why, Lady Luckjust why? Why does it have to be always me?
Chapter 133: [Dispel]
Chapter 133: [Dispel]
So, yeah, now I have to wear a massive hat, around two feet and a half in diameter at the rim. I take a better look at it. I have to say, as far as weird hats go, this one is a stunner. On the inside, its made of a soft and silky material, bleached or whitened until it became a soft pearl white. Instead, the outside is a deep, deep blue that somehow shines ever so faintly.
Pretty cool.
So, can you sum up what this thing doe
I almost fall as soon as I put the hat on my head.
It took a lot of research, but the hat mimics skills like [Advanced Mental Calctions], [Geometrical Abstraction], and [Greater Visualization]. Thats for the cone. The rim could be considered a whole different artifact on its own. I covered it with [Bug Repent], [Perfect Temperature], and [Perfect Weather]. It also has a few protection spells woven into its fabric, but I never really tested those. I always had my personal shields on. But the [Enchanter] who helped me said that he had somehow crammed those shields in the fabric and that they would one day save my life. The man wasnt pleasant. But he was plenty capable.
I chose the enchantments mostly based on the fact that every time I met a witch, I could tell her that my hat made me smarter, whereas hers just made her look stupid.
I am so getting murdered by a [Witch] or a Dragon. Or a Dragon [Witch].
Do Dragons have levels?
Sure, they do.
Ok, ok, ok. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Now, Lord Juler, Id like to practice some of my magic. The hat sounds incredible, and Princess Bianca likes it even more than me. But now, its better if I get to my practice.
I was trying hard not to think that the [Supreme Archmagus] had a tongue as long as his magical aplishments.
Next, Magister Mulligan had nned for you to learn one of the most basic spells every [Mage] worth their salt should know.
The book turned a page.
[Dispel] is the foundation of any duel. Hitting is the most important thing in a fight, but only after not getting hit. You cant cast magic if you are dead. Unless you choose to be a [Lich].
Is the book cracking undead jokes?
Wild.
When a spell forms, it forms in time. The temporal aspect of casting is very important because there are many phases at which you can disrupt it. The more crucial phases you ignore, the fewer opportunities to fizzle a spell out of existence. A true [Mage] should have experience with their opponents spells and tricks. No spell is aplete clone of the other. However, youd already practiced all the fundamental matrixes while doing your Cantrips assignment. Those are the bricks thaty the foundation of every house. You break those, and every spell will crumble. Identifying the core of a matrix is easy with lower-level spells; in fact, they contain the same matrixes you have practiced for many of your Cantrips.
You are also a [Luxmancer]. [Dispel] should be second nature to you. Your ss is very fluid, magic-wise. The greatest practitioners of Light Magic were also the greatest Dispellers.
I guess you could elerate and modify the property of the Light Magic when you
Princess Bianca suddenly squeals.
She looks at me, partly confused, partly angry.
The Wallorian Treasurer thinks you have gone nuts. Let me.
Hello, child. Im [Supreme Archmagus] Lord Juler. I worked with your kind for a long time and gave as much back as I had gained. I partnered with the best Wallorian Treasurers in the world. May the world be your cradle.
What?
I sent that message to both you and the Wallorian Treasurer. They are very temperamental creatures, and they especially dont like being excluded from a conversation. From now on, Ill be talking to both of you. This one seems young, but the way they gain intellect and knowledge is very different frommon people.
This is starting to give me a headache, Lord Juler. Cant we focus on the magic, now? I also look with pleading eyes at Princess Bianca, who now snorts and nods in approval.She makes her little hand gesture with the front leg, telling me to go ahead.
As I was saying. If a [Dispel] is messing up someones matrixCant I just contaminate the matrix with a [Light]?
Seconds of silence follow. Both the book and Lord Juler dont say a word. The ink starts fading and reappearing in blotches. The damn thing isgging again.
Exin your thought to me. And borate.
I mean, I havent read the full description. But isnt a [Dispel] just like throwing a wrench in a wagons wheel? Cant I imnt a part of a [Light] spell matrix inside another matrix and use that as a contaminating agent? [Light] spells arepatible with everything, right? As long as the [Mage] in front of me is not too powerful, I can throw in a little [Light] with an overcharged prization field. When I was practicing the Cantrips, I noticed that the more matrixes youy on top of each other, the less they are independent. Its like an electromaic field appears when theres enough energy in a limited space. So, if someone tried to use a [Fireball] on me, I could just snap my fingers and have a [Light] matrix with an incredible density therefore, with a very high prity field throw the casting askew. All the squiggly lines would either be repelled or attracted to the little [Light] spell.
Everything is silent.
Cold sweat appears on my back.
I either said something very good or very dumb.
This is
This. Joey Luciani. Are you an [Archmage] of old? Are you pulling an borate ruse on my soul? How could you even think of that? How does a simple Human being from another dimension theorize that?
A [Light] spell is indeedpatible with every other spell. [Mages] have a natural force field in their spells that makes it extremely hard to interact with them. Otherwise, [Dispel] would be the most popr spell in the world. Instead,st I checked, everyone here seems to be disregarding it. They only use it for lower-tier spells. You just suggested a thing that would work under very precise conditions, but you appear to satisfy all of them.
Strong [Mages] have such incredible natural or even trained! force fields that they are almost impossible to pierce. Usually, it would require perfect knowledge of the spell they are casting. And that means more experienced [Mages] are always in an advantage over the younger [Mages]. But the more specialized a [Mage] is, the harder it is to [Dispel] their spells. Instead, you propose to use [Light], the simplest spell in existence, to generate a distortion field that would throw askew even a Tier 5 spell just like that. It would be harder and harder with higher tier spellsno. Im wrong. You could just pack a matrix full of [Light] nodes that make it impossible to
For all the disgraced [Heroes], if this theory proves true
You would have invented a school of magic no one has any counter to, Joey Luciani.
Chapter 134: Theory
Chapter 134: Theory
[Mages] have a natural force field in their spells that makes it very hard to interact with them.
I knew some of that, but then I asked Lord Juler to exin it in detail. The book wanted me to start practicing [Dispel] right away, but I needed more knowledge about the fundamentals.
I guess that should have been added to the book earlier. Well, Joey Luciani, when you be powerful enough, Ill guide you through how to upgrade and modify the book itself. I can see that happening one day. And at this point, you have already theorized enough to be my disciple. Im not letting this go. Even if Im a soul, Ill be damned if I let you get snatched away by some trick-turner of an [Archmage].
So, the natural force field is simply the projection of a soul. Its less magical and physical than you would think. Its more meta-physical. Souls are the domain of [Necromancers] and, in part, [Witches]. For example, theres no such thing as a [Soul Mage]. And thats because manipting a soul is so difficult that it is practically impossible. Every soul, based on how many levels you have, how many people you have dealt with in your life, how many you have killed, and so on, has a different strength. Your reincarnation theory, for example, is very interesting but ultimately false. It would do well in fiction, but the greatest soul experts could easily disprove it.
And be careful. Souls are still a mystery, even to experts. We just know that they create a nigh-imprable shroud around a person and their magic. Thats why you cant just materialize a [Fireball] inside someones head. And thats why almost any Healing Magic has to be channeled through touch. When your [Druid] friend was helping the Princess with her eyes, he put his hands on her. Did you notice that? No? Well, thats why. People have called it many things, but lets go with soul-shroud for now.
The moreplex a spell is, the more it will react to another persons soul-shroud. And the shroud extends to their casting. Casting is, in some books, a temporary extension of ones soul to manipte the magical matter. [Dispel] has toe at the most crucial part of a spell matrix because of the shroud. If the shroud didnt exist, you could easily break apart the matrix. Instead, you need to prepare in advance a very powerful and precise blow that will hit a little part of a crucial matrix. Its a highly precise operation.
The only reason such a thing even works in the first ce is that the soul-shroud around the matrix is weaker than the one around and inside the body. Otherwise, you wouldnt even be able to touch a matrix. The more foreignponents you try to inject into someones shroud, the harder it is to break it. Thats why dispelling high-tiered spells is considered a school of magic in itself.
So, what youve just suggested is to bypass those restrictions with a [Light] spell; such a spell has the least amount of foreign matrixponents. It is rightfully considered the origin of everything. And after you told me about your worlds physics, I am inclined to believe that there is a lot to unpack there. We might conduct further research on the nature of [Light] after we finish bringing your theoretical work to practice.
So, where do we start? I ask.
Its the first time Im really interested in every single word Lord Juler has for me. This is not just idle chit-chat. This is profound knowledge about magic.
Ideally, I would have you read ten different books on several theories about the soul-shroud. It would give you great insights before any attempt. Sadly, I dont have those books with me. My entire library had been stolen by that despicable ck Dragon. So, well go directly to testing. Theres a school of thought that actually believes that testing directly without going too much into theory is the best approach
Ok, it was good while itsted.
Well, how do we do this? Does the book generate spells?
Ask the book to generate a 1st tier spell for you; otherwise, it will start with a simple [Light] spell. I have very limited control over it.
Book, can we jump to the 1st tier? I think I may have already grasped the basics. I need to test my theories, and a [Light] spell wont suffice as the target of my practice.
Magister Mulligan would be proud of such a dedicated and eager student! Choose between these three spells: [Earth Wall], [Water Wall], or [Air Wall]. The casting will be slowed down on purpose. Remember to try and catch the most crucial moment of the matrix beingpleted.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
[Single-Minded Focus]
Give me an [Earth Wall].
As soon as my words go out of my mouth, I see a spell matrix being formed mid-air, a few feet from me. Its creation is incredibly slow, so slow it will probably take a few minutes toplete itself.
If my theory proves correct, I dont need to wait for the crucial moment. Because if you disrupt the casting hard enough, every moment is crucial.
I look at the outline of the spell matrix. Its incredibly neat for a 1st tier spell. Thats what the book is really able to teach me, I supposerefined spell matrixes.
It takes me one look to see what patterns the book is following. How the book is able to mimic a soul-shroud is probably a question I should ask Lord Juler. After thinking about the implications, though, maybe I dont want to know.
I weave three [Light] spells inside the edges of the matrix. They are so inert at first that the matrix barely flickers after my magical injection. Then, as the [Light] spells are not yetpleted, I spin fiveyers of anti-matrixes that point toward the outer part of the matrix, creating a great distortion field. I need to put ten times the amount of the normal amount of Mana for such small [Lights], but the cost remains negligible. Especially considering whats happening in front of me.
Thetticework of the matrix simply kes apart. The pulling forces of the anti-matrixes of my [Lights] created an external pull that took away both the imaginary squiggly lines and the actual lines the book was tracing. I made the [Light] matrixes as small as possible, yet the maic pull they generated was even bigger than I had expected.
I drop both my skills, and I see the book twitching, nonsensical blotches of ink appearing and disappearing in it. Lord Juler is silent. Even Princess Bianca is aghast.
Chapter 135: Duties
Chapter 135: Duties
Im scratching Princess Biancas ears, who, apparently, is not above being petted. I have the big wizard hat on top of my head, and the other Princess living under my roof is currentlyughing.
Princess Bianca squeals at Princess Laura, leaving thetter slightly puzzled. From the little Ive understood of this white creature, shes probably mocking Lauras ignorance. Bianca can smell the insane magicing off the hat, unlike the other Princess. Therefore, I guess she finds it juvenile for Laura to react like that.
My head goes back to what happened a few hours ago during my practice. I didnt even need the help of the magical hat. Apparently, my theory works extremely well. On top of that, the Cantrips gave me such expertise on a basic spell like [Light] that no one else, not even an [Archmage], could reproduce what I just did. I stacked every single odd in my favor. It was so effortless and already in the realm of my capabilities that I didnt even level.
Lord Juler had bbered about [Heroes] before retiring in silence to process what went down. A very rare urrence, if you ask me. But a wee one.
So, hows being a Princess in a bakery? Is anyone giving you any problems? Have you been feeling bad about it?
I dont know where that question came from, but I realize I havent really paid much attention to how this woman is feeling. We had a fair share of deep conversations and interrogations. She tried to kill me, and I almost blinded her. Theres history here this much is obvious. But I realized I dont really know much about how Princess Laura feels about this whole thing. Her mother being relegated to her estate isnt good. But at least shes alive, right? Stanimal can be very scary, and I wouldnt be surprised if he told me he had to y tens if not hundreds of people when he visited the royal court.
I see Lauras face going a bit dark.
I have greater responsibilities to take on. Spending time here is rxing and, in part, enjoyable. But Im missing crucial parts of my duties.
Considering you tried to murder me in broad daylight, I think that missing some of those duties might actually be better for those on the other side of the table. Plus, I think thats what Stanimal wants.
The Princess nods.
I am not a t-eared idiot, nor am I green. However, I feel fidgety. Theres no defined goal here. Everythings up to my Ancestor. I dont like theck of control.
Isnt ruling a kingdom giving away a lot of control? I imagine youd have to delegate all but the most important matters. Hell, I delegate some of those too, thanks to Stanimal. Rx and be a nice person; that will suffice. If not for Stan, at least for your future husband.
Thest part is more for my sake than hers. She doesnt realize how insane it is that we are really discussing marriage as a result of me winning some duels. This whole arranged marriage business might be familiar to her, but its utterly alien to me.
The marriage is moreplicated than you would imagine, Princess Laura says without missing a beat. If we married, you would be King.
Nah, thank you. Im okay with more responsibilities and war, but Im afraid that a King has too much paperwork on his te.
She ignores me.
And if you are in line to be King, one day, you need to prove, beyond reproach, that you are on our side. You would have to raze Teiko to the ground veritably. Or make them sign agreements that would shame the centuries of war we have been waging against each other.
Well, thats doable. Ill charm them, you know? You wanted to kill me not even ten days ago; now, you are my future wife.
I know its a sign of insecurity, me repeating that over and over. But I cant help it. It feels so surreal. It feels like it could slip through my hands at any moment.
A thought crosses my mind before Princess Laura can say more.
Lord Juler! Yo! Answer! I just had an idea for something extremely cool! Check this mental image and tell me whether its doable or not!
You are taking all of this too lightly. In fact, you are not considering the amount of [Assassins] that wille after you as soon as we are done at the academy. And thats if you manage to beat all the [Mages] of your age, even those with an ungodly talent
Yes. It would require aplex spell matrix. I would say its a 5th Tier spell nowadays. When I was young, it could have barely passed as 3rd and
Jesus, why do all these people like to talk this much?
I see Lauras mouth moving, but my brain has turned off my hearing. What surprises me is how she changes, how she reassesses every situation based on the new circumstances rather than her own emotions. Thats an incredible quality to have.
And do you know when that quality really helps?
Oh, man, I dont want to say. But Im convinced that thats a perfect quality in a zombie apocalypse.
A person who learns, improves, and grows thats the perfect partner to avoid getting chewed alive by zombiesassessing the environment, pivoting, bncing your mood with the objectives in front of you.
For all this woman was a royal racist hillbilly not even ten days ago, shes changed now. Profoundly changed.
Now, for the most important question
Is this real?
Did we both just changepletely and mostly because of each other?
Could she just barge into my life like this, fit me so perfectly that we talk casually about marriage, change each other for the better, and be so in the others presence?
If this is indeed real and not a shallow feeling like with Lucinda
Is it love?
Chapter 136: Morning Prayer
Chapter 136: Morning Prayer
Im on my knees in a rare act of prayer. My eyes are closed, and my hands are joined.
Sometimes it''s important to stop. The past events have gone over me like a [Tsunami]: the Princess sorry, Princesses and the change I''m undergoing.
After all that happened, I ask myself, are you still you, Joey Luciani?
What happens if you lose yourself? What happens in the crazy race for power when shit really goes down? Will I go mad? Will I be an empty shell, dominated by fear and impulsiveness?
And if one day I''ll be too deep into it, toote to go back, what shall I do?
I wonder, Mom if you are watching me. I wonder if you are up there somewhere, looking at your son. I know you wanted me to take responsibility, Mom. And I know it''s toote, but if you were right about the whole Heaven thing, Im sure that''s where you went.
I met a lot of wonderful people here. Some are a bit crazy. And I say that in a derogative way, obviously. I met a woman who tricked me I''ll not say what names you would call her. But even then, I think Id learned something. And I had my fair share of fun.
Now, though, Mom, things are moving faster than ever for me. I promised I would save two continents from war. That sounds ridiculous, doesnt it? But it also sounds like something I would be saying.
If you are there, Mom, Id like a sign that Im doing the right thing, that Im on the right path. Im not sure I am. Im not sure Im not. I just need a few words, a whisper, even. Id take some of that cryptic biblical stuff you loved so much, too.
And if you are listening, dont worry, Im eating a lot. Im fine. I think Ive actually put on some weight in muscles. All that adventuring, moving heavy stuff, and so on, you know? Its hard to tell without a proper scale, to be honest. People here are less concerned about their weightpared to back home.
I find myself not missing many things, if I have to be honest. Not even that treacherous cat. I have a pig now. I mean, a Wallorian Treasurer. Dont tell her I called a pig. Apparently, thats a faux-pas.
My magical research is going pretty well. Lord Juler is a great teacher, and hes guaranteed me some privacy in my thoughts unless I summon him myself. It was getting a little creepy.
Yeah, then, theres my Stanimal. He was a King in another life. In this one, though, hes my manager. He knows his stuff and has a huge grey dog, Mom.
Lucillus and Antoninus are making a boatload of moneypared to their previous job. They walked out of the Watch for me. Honestly, Im still processing that. I did not expect people to be so supportive of me. I feel like a protagonist in those Japanese cartoons and its wonderful.
Cami and minia often visit here. Cami usually takes me out to dinner, and she had us kicked out from more than one ce. Shes a hurricane, Mom. You would have loved her as a daughter-inw. In many ways, shes like youloud, cheery, and always talking about food. Then, there is minia; she is not making much progress with Lucillus. There might not be a spark there, sadly. I just hope my pal wont take it too hard.
On the one hand, everything moves slowly and deliberately, Mom. On the other, I feel like I have gone through a myriad of changes. You would barely recognize me if you were here. Man, you would probably love both Quintus and Tiberius, my two sous-Chefs. They are old-school, like you, sort of. You would probably beat them up for wasting so many ingredients in their experiments, but you would have fun with them Im sure of that.
So, yeah. Plus, there is a bunch of other people around me. Domiti will take lessons from me shes Julias daughter and Agostinas niece. Shes cool. And I think it will make Princess Laura slightly jealous.
And speaking of Laura, shes your actual daughter-inw-to-be. I am extremely confused by this development. I proposed getting married as I propose all absurd things in the world, right? But she actually epted. I mean, I do have to go through a deadly set of duels with the best [Mages] in the academy. But she epted! How crazy is that?
I wonder if you would have passed your ring to her, you know? You always said that you would do that once I settled down with a nice girl. I mean, Laura is pretty racist; you would have liked that. Dont get angry, please. If you do, dont start swearing in Italian, Mom. Im sure yourpany in Heaven wouldnt like that. Is she the right one, Mom? I would have really appreciated some feedback here. She confuses me a lot. She seems the most despicable person at first, but then she worries about me. Is it a ruse? I dont think so. I could ask Lord Juler or Stan. But I want to do it on my own. This time, Ill be careful around her. Ill make reasonably sure its not going to blow up in my face. Just I dont know. Give me your blessing. Make a shooting star go off or something. I mean, Im in my room. Do something. Maybe make my bed? You know how I am. Alwayszy.
Mom
I dont know. I wouldnt have minded bringing you here. We talked so much about taking a long vacation in Italy together, but we never did, did we? We would have had a good time here. I mean, as long as you wouldnt have dated any stupid Elves, Mom.
We never got to visit the archaeological sites in Sicily that youd always raved about. All the ruins from the Ancient Greek era and that stuff. I would have loved to sit in the Syracuse theatre with you. We could have watched some stupid tragedy together, you know?
Yeah, thats it.
I just hope you were proud of me.
If not, I beg you, watch me do it right this time.
Amen.
Chapter 137: Too Much Magic
Chapter 137: Too Much Magic
A royal pig, a magic hat, a transcendental being inhabiting my soul?
Is this the beginning of a joke? I wish.
I wish.
Research on the gamma attack should be halted for the moment being.
Yes, Lord Juler, I concur.
I concur. God, how am I even talking like this?
But we do have something juicy on our hands here.
Now, we still have to establish the limitations of your new [Dispel] technique. Drawbacks are a natural result. Even the greatest magic has its weaknesses. And its better you discover them before any of your enemies do.
For starters, if the enemy is a very fast caster and uses low-level spells, Id find it extremely hard to counter that. This technique works better on higher-tiered spells, in my opinion.
Thats a problem for every [Dispel] specialist, student. Your new technique does solve that problem, actually. No spell has faster casting than [Light]. You can just pepper whatever spell your enemy is casting at an insane speed. You are a [Luxmancer]. Even if you dont have skills that speed up your casting, your natural affinity for Light Magic will only continue to grow. That makes your intuitive understanding and, in turn, your casting speed much better.
I dont know, then. Maybe overcharged spells are harder to disce? That shouldnt be true about [Dispel], right?
Wrong. The more Mana someone uses, the stronger the natural soul-shroud around the casting.
Lord Juler, I have no idea, then. My basic knowledge about magic is awfully small. I have done my own studies, but I dont have enough information to solve this. You are a [Supreme Archmagus], arent you? You definitely know the answer.
Magic is boundless and deeper than any ocean, Joey Luciani. Even at the apex of knowledge, it still eludes the best [Mages]. No one can boast that their knowledge of magic isplete or that it will ever be.
You dont know, do you? I ask, exasperated.
We have been experimenting for a while, but it seems like my technique has no weak points. And thats kind of absurd. The only real limit is my proficiency with said magic and my mental capacity. Once I get tired, I get sloppy. But if I can keep focused and clear-headed, I can destroy virtually any spell.
There have been great Light [Mages] throughout history. But no one has ever tried this. It is a humbling experience that a child from another world cane up with something so revolutionary. [Archmages] will study this technique in the future, and it will change everything.
It is a bit embarrassing to beplimented like that. At this point, I want to find a problem in this spell before the fame I havent yet acquired goes to my head.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I look at the world made of energy through my eyes, and I use the enhanced mental capabilities from the hat to build a simtion in my head.
I try to visualize greater spells or simply modified spells.
If I had to meet myself on the battlefield, how would I go about this?
A matrix still travels through space, in a way. Maybe in another dimension, who knows. But it does travel; it does move. Materializing a matrix inside a spell is not a thing. Theres a ne, a path, something that allows for such movement to go from one person to another. Whether we can see it or not is inconsequential.
And if a matrix can move, there must be a way to stop it. A soul-shroud is the easiest way to block things, but a [Light] spell is non-invasive enough to ignore most of its effect.
Magic goes through lead as easily as any other thing, though. So, magic is not just massless, but it can also prate any matter.
Does magic go through other magic? I mean, if there wasnt a soul-shroud around a matrix, would there still be resistance from said matrix to a [Dispel] effect?
Yes. Overcharging makes it harder to [Dispel] both because of its augmented soul-shroud and the resulting stronger spell. Linked spells, in fact, are almost impossible to dispel for this very reason. [Dispel], as it is, cannot be effectively channeled by more than one [Mage]; it takes concentration and timing to [Dispel] any spell and thats impossible to do if more than one person has to set off the spell simultaneously. It has been theorized otherwise, but in practice, its just too hard to prove. So, when a Linked spell goes off, it has too much overcharge to be naturally dispelled. The best solution has always been a Linked shield. And thats because, apart from the soul-shroud of a Linked spell which is a very interesting topic, by the way the increased amount of Mana makes it less prone to distortion.
As I have already said, student, your [Light-Dispel], or whatever that spell will be named, can still be effective on that count. It will be slightly less effective but nheless better than a normal [Dispel]. And thats because [Light] can prate any part of the matrix easily. And if you create a hole in the paths of the power of a matrix thats being overcharged, the rawer Mana inside such a spell will start pouring out of the path like a waterfall. Its like having a steel container that you put under intense internal pressure. If theres even one weak spot, it will explode.
Yeah, thats a long answer to a simple question.
Ok, but what if we blocked the matrix of a [Light] spell with another [Light]? [Light] is the most granr, neutral, and inert spell in existence. However, even so, it must have some substance on a ne. Or, if it does not travel through another dimension, magic simply has slower particles than those known in my world. In any case, wouldnt a simple [Light] around the spell make it impossible for other lights to prate? I know from experience that you cant put a [Light] spell inside another. You can manipte their positions, but they cannot exist in the same space. So, what if I just did this.
[Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shield]
Oh, and by the way, this reminds me that most of yourst Cantrips didnt make sense. Just sayin.
As Im trying to cast another spell to prove my exalted theory, I get zapped.
Hard.
My body falls to the ground, convulsing.
Oh, look, the book got offended.
I hear Lord Juler snorting.
Old people can be mean, cant they? Thats my first thought as soon as my body stops
Zapped again.
Really?
Ok, ok, I say, panting. Can we just try my theory out?
[Light Maniption]
I fold the shieldyou know what?
I dispel the shield and use a simple [Light] spell that I carve out to form an empty ball. Then, I try to cast a [Light] inside that.
It doesnt work.
Huh.
Ok, this doesnt really prove anything yet.
Now, I cast a [Light] matrix very slowly. While the matrix is there, I envelop said matrix with another empty globe-shaped [Light].
This time, I can finish casting the [Light], but I cant cast more [Lights] in it.
My head is starting to hurt from all the implications.
Student, you should
Please, Lord Juler. Give me a second.
Now, I put a matrix of the globe-shaped [Light] around another [Light] matrix, and then I try to move a disruptive-dispelling [Light] matrix-in-casting inside the [Light] matrix inside the globe-shaped [Light] matrix.
Does this even make sense anymore?
Anyway, the spell goes through.
Interesting. This should be noted down and passed down to schrs. A matrix doesnt stop your matrix. A fully-fledged spell does. The theory about particte magic from
I stand up, open the door, and go down the stairs. I turn a deaf ear to Lord Julers rambling. This whole thing is very exciting, sure. But Im getting a headachetoo much magic for today. I need to do something else before I jump out of a window.
Joey!
I hear Gaius shouting at me.
Chapter 138: Raid
Chapter 138: Raid
Im trying to chill on the ground floor of my bakery, but Gaius seems against this idea.
The Adventurers Guild said that the second floor of the Dungeon should have been cleared by now. Instead, the monsters keeping. A couple of [Schrs] went down with an escort and found that those weird creatures are probably part of a spawn. The city thinks that a horde could be brewing. When monsters such as those are under stress, they consume more food and spawn up to ten times the number of monsters than usual. That leaves them damaged for a while, but its still not enough to eliminate them. They say that the Adventurers Guild will form a mandatory party to go down there and
Stanimal! I shout toward the kitchen. We are going on a vacation for a few days! Pack your bags!
After a couple of seconds, no one answers.
Instead, Princess Lauraes out of the kitchen, half-covered in flour.
My Ancestor is not here. He went to check out some materials that Master Lakaris has ordered.
Gaius looks at me with a serious expression. The huge guy is determined to bring me into the Dungeon for this huge raid, isnt he?
You should go, I hear the purple-haired walking-flour-bag say.
What happens if I say no?
Oh, man. I have to take responsibility, dont I? With great powersyou know how it goes.
Ok, ok, you two despicable bullies, Im going. Just let me chill for a second. My brain is mush. Im too good of a [Mage]. My magic is so good it gets too borate sometimes. I try to keep it simple, but its really too much. Man, isnt my lesson with Domiti tomorrow? Shoot. Whatever. I still need to draft the contract for her. Did we get the materials Id requested?
Princess Laura looks at me without a clue.
Tiberius! I shout. Tiberius!
I can hear his wooden leg click-cking as he reaches us. Wait, not wooden anymore. Hes got a weird prosthesis or something.
Chef? hees out of the kitchen with a respectful expression on his face. Sometimes I just wish he would actually insult me. Just to break out of character.
Did we get the stuff I ordered for the magical contract? And where are Lucillus and Antoninus? Did Stan take them with him?
Weve got the shipment, Chef. It was very expensive. Stan said youd dumped a lot of moneytely, Tiberius says those things without a problem as if it wasnt insulting me.
Ok. Get someone to bring that stuff to my room, please. Ill need it. And you didnt answer. Where are Lucillus and Antoninus?
Right, Chef. Antoninus said he had a family problem and needed to take care of it. Lucillus went with him.
Well, I hope its nothing serious. Id rather have themzy out and skip work in a tavern thanyou know what? I need a walk. Princess, care toe with me to visit Antoninuss family? I have never met them.
Who have you never met? I hear a womans voiceing through the door together with its owner.
Yo, Cami, I wave at the short pink-haired Elf, Antoninuss family. They are having problems. Im his employer. I should check on them. His family, I mean. And the two idiots. Want toe? We can all stop for lunchter.
I wanted to discuss some possible new recipes, she says with a foxy smile.
Nope. No new recipes for you. The Three Roses is doing super-well, isnt it? Did you get into a fight with minia again?
Who? Me? Cami says with an innocent smile.
Joey! I need new recipes! right at that moment as if God had wished it, minia storms into my bakery.
Here we go, I say, facepalming myself.
minia and Cami have been verypetitivetely. We all go out and get together for drinks and food, but Happy Bakery and the Three Roses have gotten loads of new clients. This is a crucial moment for both ces as they try to ovee the other. They cant steal recipes from each other, as per contract, but the aggressive marketing and God-knows-what-other-strategies are all still on the table.
Cami? minia says with narrowed eyes.
Oh, you need new recipes? Cami says with a broad smile. I might teach you one or two if you beg.
I have to say that the prospect of a catfight makes me reluctant to break up these two up. But theres something more important to do.
Yo, you two! I need to visit Antoninuss family. If you want toe, we are going. Right, Princess?
At that moment, they both seem to finally take stock of who is gracing them with their presence.
Your Highness! they both bow their heads in a sign of respect, and Cami even does a curtsy.
Like this? Princess Laura ignores the two girls and points at her clothes.
I pass my hand over her in the air.
[Cleanse]
She looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
You know I now have artifacts against spell-casters. Be careful; if there had been even a bit of malice in you, you would have been sted into oblivion.
I tip my hat to the Princess. Sadly, that makes minia and Cami notice my new headpiece.
Joey, why are you wearing that ridiculous thing? Do you intend to wear it while we are in public? I dont want to be associated with a lunatic that wears that thing.
Camialways so gracious.
I agree; he looks like a [Witch], minia says with a snort.
Hes been wearing it non-stop, Princess Laura says while assessing the real cleanliness of her clothes and skin.
Its a cursed item. I can rarely take it off. And thats only for when I sleep, shower, or do other stuff like that. Ill solve the curse in the future. Until then, mind your own business, both of you.
Id mind my own business if I got a new recipe, Cami says.
Same, minia chimes in.
Vultures.
While Im getting ready to go out, Gaius finally speaks up again. The big guy is a bit shy around girls.
Joey, his deep voice makes my bones rattle, do you know where Antoninuss family lives?
Huh, thats a good point.
Chapter 139: Bones
Chapter 139: Bones
On our way to Antoninuss house, Im meditating. By meditating, I mean Im taking a sneak peek at two massive, jingling
A backhand to my stomach almost makes me puke my breakfast.
Everyone stops, including my abuser.
Princess Laura towers over my bent figure.
Well, we can definitely keep going.
I straighten up and take a few steps forward, putting the Princess behind me.
The good thing about my hat is that it doesnt fall. Its magically glued to my head unless I try and remove it myself. Thats cool.
But my head inevitably goes back to one thought. To be more precise, two thoughts. Two massive thoughts.
Its the first time Princess Laura wears a robe that goes below her corbone. Its simr to a dress but much more peculiar. And the one who took her measurements clearly did not ount for the ginormous UFOs scuttling under the fabric.
Wait.
Are bras a thing here?
Lord Juler! Lord Juler!
Joey Luciani. I have been working on the equations for the gamma knife. My research shows that if we elerate the mass of
Shh. Whatever! I have a very important question!
Oh, another grand theory?
Kind of. Kind of.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Yeah, well. Do women wear any support for their chest? Apart from rudimentary bands, have [Tailors] made any specific garments to support womens graces?
Come again, student?
Bras? Have you ever heard the term? Can you look at my thoughts if I visualize an image?
Sure I canJoey Luciani! What is that?
So, they dont have bras?! Christ! We are bing rich, Lord Juler! Rich! Who wants to do magic anymore! Rich, Im telling you! To hell with magic, Ill be a [Tailor]! No, wait! Better! A [Lingerie Fitter]!
Holy hell, I think I just found my purpose in life. Imagine thatworking withce and silk. I could even hire models!
My face twists into a lewd grin while my thoughts run rampant.
Little did I know that Lord Juler was still looking at my thoughts and that the Vanedenis are not as sexually liberated as North Americans.
Therefore, its not hard to guess what happened next.
Are you alright? I open my eyes to the blue sky and a massive cleavage perilously close to my nose.
Here we go.
I died.
Im in heaven.
Are you ok? You just seized, Princess Lauras voice is preupied with me. Suddenly, as Im still recuperating, I feel something wet on my lips.
Oh, Princess Laura, we are in public, I giggle.
Two things happen next.
I hear a pig squeal from my favorite Wallorian Treasurer, which makes it very clear which Princess actually kissed me. Then, I get a strong kick to my ribs. Thank God the woman is not wearing her armor.
Disgusting Human.
Right after, Gaius helps me get up. The man knows where Antoninuss family lives, thankfully. Meanwhile, Princess Laura is consulting minia and Cami; the trio is pointing the finger at me with vicious smiles. Especially Cami looks like the Devil incarnate when she says something loud enough that even I can hear it.
Joey is more of a pig than that cute animal he bought. You should probably have him whipped, Princess. And then you could force him to help some of your subjects by giving out a few recipes.
When I think about getting whipped, I cant help but see Princess Laura in a leather corset and
Jesus.
Too many hot women around me today. I must suffer from something like [Curse: Horniness]. I cant exin my behavior otherwise.
As we near the house, we find a very inconspicuous building that looks exactly like the other fifty houses in this district. Nothing stands out. The doors, taller than your human standard, are closed.
Is this the ce? I ask Gaius.
This is the ce, Joey. Antoninuss mom whatever. If hes home, hell show you.
I knock on the door. Momentster, a stocky female Elf opens the door.
Hi, Im a friend of Antoninus. Joey Luciani, my pleasure, I extend a hand toward the woman. She shakes it but doesnt say much.
My brother is upstairs with Lucillus. My mom is ill. Could youe backter?
As she speaks, her eyes nce over us before zooming in on the Princess.
Your Highness! the stocky woman almost falls to the ground.
At rest, please, Princess Laura says. We would like to help. I have many means. Im sure I can help. Joey and I will enter. The rest of you, please wait.
Laura takes charge, enters the house, and, without even looking around, she opens a few doors, finding herself in Antoninusspany. I follow her, embarrassed by her aggressiveness.
Antoninus is crouching beside a bed. His enormous figure would be almostical in this position if there werent a middle-aged woman, paler than snow, shaking and moaning in pain on the bed.
Your Highness? Lucillus speaks.
Antoninus doesnt turn. Instead, hes putting some kind of balm on his mothers limbs. His eyes are focused and grave, something I rarely see with the man.
I want to help, Princess Laura nods at the woman.
Shes suffering from a [Curse], Your Highness.
Lucillus lowers his gaze to the ground, powerless.
[Curse: Brittle Bones]. [Curse: Shaking Bones]. Even if she doesnt move around, her bones crack during the re-ups.
Antoninus keeps putting the balm on her limbs after muttering a few words lifelessly. His mother is feverish and in a stuporous state.
Shes a Gold-rank. She got these curses a year ago after enlisting to rout a cabal of [Necromancers] terrorizing the countryside. Hundreds of Gold-ranks had participated thats standard procedure when facing hordes of low-level monsters. However, the [Necromancers] were much higher level than anyone could have imagined. In the end, almost every adventurer died. The army was called in, and the Royal Guard too. It was called the Cursed Battle of Bones. Thats because theyter found out that those necromancers belonged to the Cult of Mauser. My mom survived. But no one managed to lift the curses. She killed their leader, but she hasnt been able to rise from the bed since then. Your Highness, the court had sent for special [Healers] and [Mages]. The curse is rooted deep in her bones. Theres nothing you can do.
Princess Laura opens her mouth to speak, but I hear only one voice. And its not hers.
That disgraced child, Lord Julers voice booms with unprecedented strength. His folly still taints this world.
Chapter 140: Rotten
Chapter 140: Rotten
Before you ask, Mauser was a Vanedeni [Hero]. He came long after me. I was already nothing more than a soul in a book when he almost single-handedly ruined our people. He had the famous ss, the charm, and the talent. But he was a spineless idiot. No one knows how sses are really assigned, but one thing is for sure: Mauser wasnt a [Hero].
The hope of our continent, Princess Vrith, who still had to get the ss when she slew him, died with that foolish kid. Since arriving at Kome, never in our history had there been a civil war among the Vanedenis, Joey. Never. The only exception was the one caused by Mauser.
He was a great [Necromancer]. One of the greatest, perhaps. And he spread his cult far and wide before he was felled. Now, please. Let me. Ill teach you about this in the future. But for now, I need to do it myself, and Ill need to borrow your body.
maybe my Ancestor could
Antoninus, stand back, please, my voice is deeper and stronger than usual. I dont object to Lord Julers taking control as he simply moves my mouth. Ill cure your mother.
Everyone in the room turns to me, but Lord Juler has put a neutral expression on my face. Hes looking through my eyes at the womans body. Its frail and weak, barely hanging onto life. I cant imagine what her muscles must be like if shey in a bed for an entire year. Her body is probably atrophied and decaying. How she is still alive is a mystery.
Joey, you dont know
Antoninus, I can remove both curses. But I need all of you to get out.
No one has moved yet.
Joey, Lucillus eyes me severely, and I can feel Lord Julers anger starting to mount after being disobeyed.
You know, I actually wonder how this possession thing works. If magices from the soul, does he need to bridge our souls and
Silence, Joey Luciani. It is indeed very hard. But do not forget who you are talking to. [Supreme Archmagus] is not a title to throw around casually. I need to focus to make this work.
Give me half an hour with your mother. That bone-mending balm lost its efficacy months ago. And you know it too. Her bones are not mending properly. She needs my intervention, now.
Antoninus gets up and stands in front of me. The guy is much taller than me, and I have to look up to gaze into his eyes. Hes pained by whats happening. And he clearly doesnt trust what I or better, Lord Juler just said. But they have also seen me do incredible things, havent they?
If anything happens to my mother
Its the first time I see Antoninus growling. Hes usuallyid back and rxed, but now he looks like an elephant about to rampage.
She will walk again, Antoninus. You have my word.
Princess Laura takes all the people in the room out and closes the door behind her. But not before she gives me a long and meaningful stare.
Im going to show you how Formations work. This is just fueled by Mana, but we need to establish what curses affect her body first.
Before I can ask what he means by that, lines of Mana materialize in the air, visible even to the naked eye. The form intersects in circles and other geometrical patterns above the shaking body of the woman.
I might not have my skills anymore, but magical expertise is not just skills, student.
Slowly, a massive array or what some would call a mand arranges itself on top of the body. Several parts start shing before going ck or deep shades of gray.
The two curses they mentioned are just the result of ten different curses ravaging her body. The bones are rotten. The necromancer managed to prate her body with a shard of Rottenbone. Thats one of the most insidious and high-level curses a Necromancer can employ. It eats the bone and reces it with more Rottenbone. Its a rare skill/material. The skill can only be embedded in a shard of bone that will need to prate the bone. It has many maleficent properties. The most significant is the ability to keep digging through flesh to reach the bone and meld with it.
Mauser was an expert on curses and body maniption. He created Undeads that still haunt some countries. On Kome, our home, there should still be ake infested with hisst creations, some of the most powerful ones.
[Rottenbone] requires a physical vessel because its properties are so against life itself that it would never pass a soul-shroud. Therefore, Mauser engineered the curse himself. It was one of his most terrible Unique Skills. Well talk about that in the future. Rottebone is like a worm that eats and spawns more Rottenbone. This womans body is riddled with it. Its a curse that will leave the body debilitated and slowly kill it over a couple of years. It was meant to affect the [Dragonyers] assets so dear to our enemies that they spent immense riches to try and heal them. But no one could. Only in very few cases, where Rottenbone had barely taken hold, was there any sess at lifting the curse. And that happened by amputating the affected limb or body part.
How are we solving this, then? Didnt you just say that this woman had Rottenbone all over her body?
I dont have a solution for this. I could have done something if I had my own body here. And even then, it would have been a very crude solution.
Lord Juler, you just said you are a [Supreme Archmagus]! For Gods sake, arent you all-powerful or something? Isnt there a spell to save this woman?
Magic can do everything, but I did not expect Rottenbone here. The [Necromancer] this woman killed must have been of the highest caliber. Over level 50, maybe approaching level 60. In time, such a person could have revived Mausers legacy.
Give me a second.
Lord Juler draws a few more lines of Mana in the air.
This woman is a [demaster] at level 44. Thats not too bad. But she sacrificed herself to prevent a possible catastrophe. If what Ive heard is true, many should thank her for her noble deed.
What are we going to do, then?! We have to save her! You said I would save her!
We might have to give Antoninus some very bad news, Joey Luciani.
Chapter 141: Critical
Chapter 141: Critical
I stood over the pale body of Antoninuss mother Ive just realized I dont know her name.
You should tell Antoninus, Joey. His mother is dying. And shes dying quite soon, considering how much Rottenbone has spread.
I take a deep breath.
[Single-Minded Focus]
Every time I enter this state, everything doesnt just go silent. That was [Deep Focus] for you. No, when I use [Single-Minded Focus], my brain retrieves information faster. In a way, it enhances my memory. But now, I need the knowledge Im not sure Ive ever had. Rottenbone is definitely simr to something Ive studied in passing. The fact that I never went to college med school, to be precise, doesnt mean I have never snooped around the topic.
Juler, I need you to teach me every bit of knowledge about Healing Magic. In the meanwhile, we need to stop the symptoms. Rottenbone is simr to cancer. To be more precise, bone metastases. Cancer is degenerate cells that grow uncontrobly. It can affect every single tissue, organ, or cell. Bone cancer shouldnt be umon. I know absolutely nothing about how its treated, but we can brute-force a cure. We might kill her while trying but I dont see any other solution. Im not sure we have the necessary magic, mathematical knowledge, or resources, but I need to try. Ill need to do extensive experiments. Its going to take a month, at the very least.
You are supposed to go to the academy to fight duels against the most talented [Mages] of this continent in five weeks time.
As they say in Oxford, I dont give a flying fuck, Lord Juler. I have a chance at curing this woman. And, incidentally, it will also require us to work on the gamma knife. And if they are anything like Lucinda, I can p those idiots senseless without even trying.
I open the door after almost an hour of magical work, most of which was performed by Lord Juler. In front of me, I find Antoninus and his sister. Princess Laura is with them, holding the hand of the stocky female Elf.
Lets sit for a second, I tell them with a somber expression.
I gesture at the closest table I spot, and they all look at me, holding their breath.
Your mother is not in critical danger anymore. For now, at least. However, I hold up a hand as I see they are about to speak, let me finish, please. Your mother is not suffering from two simple curses. Your mother has been infected with [Rottenbone].
Ah! Antoninuss sister moans in pain and quickly pulls her hand away from Princess Laura.
What Antoninus looks at the royalty in his living room with a confused stare.
She has Rottenbone? Princess Laura hisses.
Princess, please.
As I was saying, I go on, she has Rottenbone. That is a very powerful curse that Mauser himself engineered. It infects and reces normal bones and puts all sorts of sub-curses under itself. As far as I know, there are no documented cases of anyone surviving a serious case here on Epretos. Thats how serious this disease is. The best solution, given that they realize they were infected, is to amputate a limb. Your mothers disease has spread to her entire body, though.
I let the words linger for a second in a very heavy silence.
But shes improved, you said? Antoninus is silent. That was her sister speaking.
She did. She will wake up soon, and she will not be in pain. Rottenbone is a simple curse. Its extremely powerful and insidious, but its symptoms can be tamed. It will still kill in time if not treated. But at the very least, I can provide a modicum offort to your mother.
I dont understand, Antoninus says in a deep voice.
For once, Im not amused by him. Im just terribly sorry.
Your mothers disease is almost incurable. At least here. Where Ie from, there are techniques to face such a thing. But even then, it doesnt always work. My magic can mimic one of those cures. The solution is almost as straightforward as the disease, Antoninus. Rottenbone has to be purged from her system. Its going to be excruciatingly slow. Even if I seeded in recreating the necessary procedure, your mothers body would have to withstand an insane amount of pain and damage while I heal her.
Joey, can you I dont understand. Can you exin it better? the big man has tears in his eyes.
Its fine. I havent exined what I can do yet. My magic, the [Light] thing, can be turned into a knife, sort of. Imagine a hot knife burning the surface of a wood log, ok? Thats the same thing I can do. I can turn my magic into a destructive force that can scrape away the Rottenbone from your mothers body while leaving everything else intact. But your mothers disease is so extensive that her body will go through incredible traumatic stress. So, Ill need to administer the treatment in batches. That means Ill need toe here and do it once every few days. But I still need to create the necessary magic to do it.
Are you sure, Joey? I turn to Princess Laura.
Her eyes are wary. She knows how serious Rottenbone is, apparently. And I dont me her reaction. And if she knows how dangerous the disease is, she probably thinks that Im making this stuff up. And that I shouldnt give Antoninus false hopes.
Man, I really hope Im not giving him false hopes. Im not sure how doable all this is. But I have a [Supreme Archmagus] on my side. And Im pretty sure Stanimal has a few tricks up his sleeve as well.
So, Antoninus, Mdy. What Im trying to say here is that Ill need a couple of weeks to develop the right magic. Ill visit you again to renew the magic I ced on your mother. Until then, she should only eat meat. No bread. No sugar. Nothing that contains flour. Just meat. No vegetables. I have no idea whether it will help slow the disease, but we might as well try everything.
Cancer mainly feeds on glucose. There have been some studies about starving cancer of glucose through a keto diet. Its new, and there is no conclusive evidence. But here, its better to do something than nothing.
At this moment, for the first time in my entire life, I wish I had gone to med school.
Chapter 142: Guide
Chapter 142: Guide
Im sitting at the desk in my room, with many sheets of paper on it. They are filled to the brim with numbers, deductions, and hypotheses. Even with [Single-Minded Focus], my head feels close to exploding. There are many items on my list, and we need everything on the list to cure Antoninuss mother. Her name, by the way, is Lucia. The Latin equivalent of Lucy, I guess.
This is going to be a bona fide medical procedure. Before even thinking about irradiating the body of Mrs. Lucia, we need to develop a guide. That would be your standard ultrasound that doctors use during some procedures where they cant actually see inside the body.
Lord Juler, thankfully, is more than up to the task of studying this with me.
Lord Juler, how is the guideing along?
The spell matrix for this thing, Joey Luciani, will take a few days even for me. Without my skills, Im limited to what I can put on parchment. And the theory behind such a spell might be asplicated as the radiations you talked about. The only difference is that I already know everything I need. Its just about melding several spells together and removing the kinks from such an inelegant solution.
We are building a 3D projection of the body using magic. Its simr to how an interventional MRI works. I watched a few documentaries on how medical TV troupes had to learn some medical stuff. And I rememberughing at how a director couldnt wrap his head around how an MRI (Maic Resonance Imaging) worked. Its principles are extremely simple.
An MRI doesnt use ionizing read as damaging radiation. Its a safe procedure that employs a signal from the nucleus of an atom. This signal is electromaic in nature and, by thews of physics, can start resonating when several factors, such as frequency, align. This resonance is the fundamental principle of an MRI.
Now, the actual precise physics of an MRI is beyond me. Its not the kind of stuff you study in AP Physics. You need to be highly specialized and know a lot of quantum physics to replicate such a phenomenon. Its much moreplex than creating radiation.
But Im working on something together with Lord Juler.
Do you remember the soul-shroud?
Well, different parts of your body have a different soul-density. Can you guess the rest? We are having an invisible, non-ionizing, overcharged light go through the subject''s body. Said light will naturally pass through your body.
The postte of Sziezais has been reproduced, Lord Juler. I have run some quick tests. The nature of magical fire and normal fire are not the same. Therefore, the nature of magical [Light] and normal light shouldnt follow the same principles either.
That means that [Light] will indeed go through a body, even if it projects shadows. The matrix is granr enough to have residues of light impact a denser block of Mana and recreate a 3D projection of a body.
I rub my forehead.
Its not that easy, in reality. We are working with the very fundamental properties of magic. And we are also assuming that Rottenbone would have a different density. On top of that, we are not even sure that this projection will actually work. It can only work if Lord Juler can recreate aputational algorithm that will reproduce the 3D image. The entire matrix of the spell will have eight different equidistant special [Lights] that should help with that. Well use the crossing of those [Lights] to reproduce a high-resolution, zoomable projection.
I look at the clock. It has been several hours since I nced at it. Im dead tired, and my brain hurts, but the amount of work needed to be still done is terrifying. Eight, thats how many hours weve just spent to make the guide part of the whole spell remotely doable. No, wait. To make it so that we could believe it would work.
I start sketching some equations topute the angles for the [Lights]. Lord Juler cant do everything on his own. Thankfully, the ridiculous hat on top of my head helps me visualize the geometry and it also makes me better at math, I think. Whatever.
I look at eight angled [Lights] that are projecting toward a point where a fake matrix I ced is. Two of those rays are interfering and distorting another one. Plus, the feedback is too shaky.
I created a Mana sheet that will record how clean the signals are after going through the shroud of my matrix. And this one has too much noise. I look at my [Light] matrixes and start tweaking the intensity, trying to find the optimal setting. After a while, I note down some numbers and shake my head.
Eight [Lights] are too many, Lord Juler. Five is the optimal number. Ill jot down the optimal angles. Eight create too much noise. I just ran the numbers Im sure this is the best configuration.
I dont hear a reply for almost five minutes. But Im not surprised Lord Juler is in the middle of creating a veryplex matrix that is way beyond what Im capable of.
The reconstruction algorithm, as you call it, will take me even longer, Joey Luciani. I have rarely faced such incredible calctions. Whoever came up with this is an insanely brilliant genius! Give me two more days, and it will bepleted. At first, it will be raw, but once the main matrix is done, we should be ok. Mind you, Joey Luciani, it will consume a lot of Mana. This is not just Light Magic. This is a veritable formation inside a spell. Unless we adapt it to work with catalysts, it will cost you every time you cast it.
I know, I say with bleary eyes.
Rest, student. Ill be working through your sleep. Souls need no rest.
I dont even know what time it is when my head naturally falls on the desk, and my body strangely levitates to the bed.
Chapter 143: Hard
Chapter 143: Hard
Tears are fighting their way out of my eyes while my sinuses are swollen; they make breathing through my nose harder but not hard enough. It feels wrong to breathe this easily when Im failing.
Four days have passed, and Lord Juler and I hit a slump.
The guiding spell is not working. The [Light] properties are much more obscure and arcane than I had imagined. Weck fundamental research on the nature of the soul-shroud and even though we are now advancing magical theory to new heights, we are still in the dark. The amount of knowledge needed to solve our problem is unavable to us. More precisely, its like trying to build a gun with scrap iron. The gun would just explode in your hand at first use.
If I dedicated my life to this type of research and consorted with renowned schrs around the world, in less than a decade, I would be able to create thousands of spells like this. But now? This is too much. For me. And even for Lord Juler.
The [Supreme Archmagus] has been working non-stop on the algorithm responsible for building an image from the data. However, we have barely been able to get a vague shape to appear on our screen. And the progress was so minimal we are not even sure we are on the right path. We might have made some improvements by pure chance. And we both know that.
I leveled.
[Luxmancer Level 29]
And I gained a new ss.
[Schr Level 9]
[Intuitive Understanding] is my most helpful skill so far. It lets me understand veryplicated matters or simply obscure things to a certain degree. Lets say I have a foreign word or concept I can now glimpse around 20% of its true meaning, importance, and usage. Lord Juler said its one of the key skills for a true [Schr]. And he also said that in time I should be a [Schr of Magic]. During our recesses from research, he started teaching me about sses and levels. Apparently, whenpatible sses level up together, they fuse. [Schr of Magic] and its advancements are highlypatible with any branch of magic. He says its actually desirable to receive such a ss and that every proper aspiring [Archmage] should level it up to 40.
So, I have finally dived deep enough into magic that Ive gained another ss, that Ive expanded my horizons and my responsibilities. But all is for naught.
We need a fresh perspective, student. Our work is bing stale. This is not simple crafting. More time wont change the oue. We have explored most of what could sensibly be explored. I can keep that woman alive with my sheer prowess and earn us the time needed. But that means you will have to study more than you arefortable with.
I dont care, Lord Juler, I sigh. I need to cure this evil thing. Cringe, Jesus. What a fucking thing. I have never used the word evil for something. But who the hell creates artificial cancer metastases to inflict pain on others? To kill them slowly? JESUS! I have never witnessed such an atrocity. And now, Antoninuss mother could die because of some stupid fucking [Necromancer]. Ill do whatever it takes, Lord Juler. Whatever it takes.
I cant believe that someone would do that. I still cant. Im just angry. Angry and tired. And why are people not more concerned with eradicating these problems? Why do the people at high levels let [Rottenbone] be a thing?
Because to eliminate great evil, you need to be ready to die. [Heroes] of ages past have perished. Even in the great pantheon of the Vanedeni people, where many [Heroes] reside, many more are missing. Some are forgotten, and our history cant catch up with them anymore; some are simply secretive, like me, or another hidden soul on Kome. A few more might reside here and there, but thats even beyond me, Joey Luciani. Im far from being the mostpetent of my people, remember that. Incredible [Heroes] among us have been tested by the world. One of them, if the legends are true, even ascended to godhood and became one of the Canti the divine beings.
But uncountable numbers of the Vanedeni have perished while trying. So many have failed. Ten times, maybe a hundred times more than those who seeded. And great deeds require great effort.
I stand up, feeling wobbly. I think I ate a couple of hours ago, and Im watching my diet to avoid losing more energy. But sometimes, I just forget to eat if no one brings me food upstairs.
The studying has taken a toll on my energy. Im tired beyond relief. Sadly, I agree with Lord Julers first proposition. I need to rest. He needs to find inspiration somewhere else. If we just keep drilling and drilling, we wont find anything.
Its frustrating. Ive always believed that the day I hunkered down and tried, stuff woulde easy to me. But another part of me also knows that this is exactly what I have always been afraid of. Failure. A reality-check.
Even with the new levels, even with the hat. Even with a veritable [Supreme Archmagus] on my side, Im far from being able just to do anything. And the problem is that the guide is a more powerful version of the guiding spell needed for a hypothetical [Gamma Knife]. Sure, if I want to st someones brain, it just takes aiming in the general space inside the skull. I wouldnt need the surgical precision that, instead, I need for Antoninuss mothers procedure.
There are ways that are very un-schrly to solve this problem, Joey Luciani.
Are there, now?
Levels mean much more than anything the best of us could understand. Our world fills in the nks for us when we have enough pieces. If you can already work out the basics of radiation, you might get a skill after you level up. Given how deadly it would be, its pretty sure that you would get an inferior version of it with many kinks. When I say un-schrly mind you I mean that it doesnt really help you. Its a fast way to do it; its the road that the weak follow. The more you go to the deep end of magic, the bigger the burden on you will be unless you know what you are doing, that is.
Not going into the Dungeon and killing hordes of monsters to have this stupid system finish my research, then.
Well, I didnt say that.
Chapter 144: Teaching
Chapter 144: Teaching
Your penmanship is awful.
Yeah, public schools fault. Writing properly always required too much effort to learn.
There are certain disciplines in magic that require calligraphy, Joey Luciani.
Ok, ok. Is the contract any good?
One thing I did not expect from Lord Juler is that he would go full-Dolores-Umbridge on me. Apparently, all self-respecting future [Archmages] write student-teacher contracts in blood, Joey Luciani. Thanks to an impromptu [Numbness] spell, it wasnt so bad. And Lord Juler said I would get a nice surprise very soon.
The contract is ready. She just needs to sign with her own blood, and it will be enforced.
A magical contract meant that there was no way out of this. If she leaked information about what I was going to teach her, she would be tortured. Plus, even if she was abducted, this contract magically enforced her silence. To be more precise, if she somehow managed to say anything about my magic, she would immediately be stabbed with unimaginable pain. But I wasnt really concerned about that. From how Lord Juler exined the contract, it was sort of a magical geas that would make it virtually impossible for her to spill the beans. There are a few countermeasures, but the [Supreme Archmagus] said it would take someone of his caliber to crack the thing.
I hope Domiti wont be freaked out, I sigh.
I had promised Julias daughter to teach her magic, and I had almost forgotten. Then, Lord Juler brought it up during lunch. Apparently, it wasmon for [Mages] to be either students or teachers. Sometimes, both.
Even though I have many things on my te already, it would feel improper to refuse a bit of teaching. Plus, I n on simply starting from the first 23 Cantrips and taking it from there based on whatever she wants to learn. My fundamentals are solid, incredibly so. But my knowledge of specific magic falls short of pretty much any trained [Mage].
I look up from the contract at my desk, still bloody fresh, and I realize I need a burger. Its like one of those whiny pregnantdy moments when the woman, based on cravings that have no scientific basis, wants something; however, she frames it as needing it.
At this moment, I need a burger.
Now, you might think, Joey, but you have a bakery, not a restaurant. Well, yes. And no. I do have cooking stations supplied with little grills and air venttion needed for grilling stuff indoors. I havent yet shipped my countrys trademark dish to the market, but Im prepared for emergencies.
The day my special burgers and a revisitation of the club sandwich hit Amorium, I will probably be the richestmhh.
I go down the stairs, and as Im stepping on them, I shout: Stanimal! Are we the richest food-makers in town?!
I notice that some adventurers are at the tables, consuming hot lunch. Some of them are trying out burgers and other meat-based dishes. Hell, Im not having vegan options on my menu. Theres this guy in Italy, a mayor or something, who owns a restaurant and ims that even his sd has animal fat in it.
Thats my role model.
Stanes out of the kitchen with his usual rxed attitude. He was probably instructing the new recruits aboutand I see Master Lakaris right behind him.
Oh.
I forgot about that.
Once again.
The [Architect] looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
Our ie might be the highest, yes, Stanimal says without blinking.
Huh.
Then we dont need burgers that fast, do we? To make money, at least. We need burgers on a different level, though. Spiritually. What country has no burgers to cate the masses and fulfill ones spiritual needs?
Sometimes, when I went to church with my mother, I imagined eating burgers while kneeling. You know, theres this moment during mass where you think about your sins or stuff like that while kneeling? Ok, imagine thinking about your burger. A culinary experience thatpletely absorbs you, physically, tastily, emotionally, spiritually. Thats what the apex of civilization ought to look like.
Joey, would you be so kind as toe down so that you can look at the blueprints that Master Lakaris has sketched? I tried imagining what you might like here, but you can probably understand how that could be difficult. It would help getting your input before we depart for the academy.
Right, the duels. Thats a problem, though, isnt it? What am I going to do for Antoninuss mom?
Their academy hides great secrets of power, Joey Luciani. You might find some of what you need. Sadly, not all my knowledge is avable to me. Injecting my soul into the book was a process
Yeah, I know. You already told me, Lord Juler. It wasnt a clean process. It could have affected your memories because it was post-mortem, and you had to funnel your spirit through a spatial hole.
I wait for a zap, but, for once, he doesnt seem inclined to punish my insolence. Well, some good news every once in a while, at least.
Sure, can we discuss the thing after I make some food? Also, Domiti should being soon for our first lesson. I just finished up the contract for our apprenticeship.
Sure, Stan says.
I start walking to the kitchen, but as soon as I pass my Stanimal, he grabs my arm.
Lucillus heard from Antoninus that you mentioned curing Rottenbone, Joey.
I turn my eyes to his silver beard first and then to his deep eyes.
Yeah. I have been trying to figure that out.
And so Lucillus says, Joey. Rottenbone. I cant cure Rottenbone.
Huh.
Right.
I didnt really tell Stan, did I?
Yeah not going great, to be honest.
And you are researching one of the most borate curses in existence to save a woman who has a terminal case? I searched Antoninuss ce. And I found potent spells to numb her pain, increase her response to the curse, and slow it down. That should be beyond, far beyond, your capabilities.
His stare glues me to the ground.
Im curious to hear how youd do that. I just want to make sure that my niece is in good hands.
Chapter 145: Spongebob
Chapter 145: Spongebob
Have you ever stopped to think about SpongeBob? Oh, yeah. The B is capitalized. Traumatic, right? Well, anyway. Our sponge friend works at the Krusty Krab, a burger joint. He works with a tall, grumpy bastard and a leech-boss of a crab.
Now, I personally have nothing to rte personnel-wise. The people I work with, I like them all. Almost all. I mean, if I dont like them, its just because Im not sure who they are or because they might have tried to shiv me when they started. Yeah, the risks of employing a lot of homeless people.
What I like about SpongeBob is the ethos his ideals and principles. The sponge is dumb, right? Thats the gist of it. Its a very Taoist approach to life. Hes as dumb as they make them, but he is happy and fulfilled by his job. Compassion, frugality, and humility. Those are the three treasures of Taoism. SpongeBob has no intention of bing the greatest chef in the world. He spends his life flipping burgers and chatting with friends. In my personal opinion, that sponge is living the life.
When people started having weird role models like astronauts, scientists, and Superman, my role model was SpongeBob. From a young age, I could really empathize with the SquarePants dude. The thing about the little yellow friend is that he acts without intent. He loves what he does; he is what he does. But he doesnt have to try to be what he does.
So, when Im flipping my burgers, my as in Im the one eating them, I cant help but think about the little sponge. Why? Well, Stan just asked me
Joey, I need to know how you did that.
Yeah, he didnt really ask, did he?
I couldnt help but conjure my inner SpongeBob in this matter. Why? Well, because I really need something to help me decide what Im going to do here. I have read extensively about the old grandmasters of literature and the great philosophers of old as a side note, the modern ones are just arrogant little shits. So, I had to choose my own spiritual guide. And indeed, I found SpongeBob to be the aptest. Action without intent.
I saw that someone needed help, Stanimal. And I used the tools I had to help. I have a couple of secrets, but do I need to tell you everything? I mean, thats the real question. Like, do you need to know? Or is it that you want to? If you really need to know, I can tell you.
As I mentioned in the past, the old man towers over me. Hes tremendously tall and imposing. Plus, he retains some of his regal disposition in how he stands tall and proud.
You promised my niece that you would subjugate the war, Joey. Now, youre ignoring the future duels to help one woman who has a terminal disease? Instead of preparing yourself, you are studying magic that will be useless to you in a fight. How do you think you can take care of a war if you are already spiraling and wasting time? You should focus on
You are wrong, I tell him with a quick wink before looking back at my juicy burgers.
You wield magic you shouldnt be able to cast. And its the kind of magic that in a war
Stanimal, I say with a snort, didnt you hear me? You are wrong.
That stumps the old man.
We have a bubble of [Silence] around us to avoid eavesdropping. It also muddles the movements of our lips, as Stanimal once exined. But now, we are both silent and the spell is useless.
I take a brush and put some mustard-based spice mix on top of the meat, removing the buns from the grill for a second. Next time, I should try making some brisket.
Wrong?
One word. Ites after a minute of silence. The word iste, awkward, and ignorant.
Yeah, Stanimal. A person is dying in front of us. She has a terrible curse, something so wicked and deep that few people in the entire world, in all the history of this, could heal it. Healing such a thing, by the way, also means finding a cure for simr problems. And eliminating a great weapon from a [Necromancer]s arsenal. If you want an idiot who thinks of duels instead of saving people, go ahead. I guess you will find plenty of douchebags at the Nine Towers Academy, all thinking like you. Fucking wasting time, Stanimal? Really? I look at him, disappointed.
When I say you are wrong, I mean it. You could have thought about what I meant, right? But no, lets worry about the spoiled brats at the academy. And by the way, just for your information, I think I can already take all of the idiots my age. You have been on edge since you came back from the court, man. And I dont care if the royals are doing whatever this is not the Stanimal I know. Ill take care of the stuff that needs taking care of. Dont worry. And if you want to know my secrets, just ask. But dont give me this shit anymore, please. And just know that whenever you need something from me, you can just talk to me. Im not an idiot. You are not one either. So, if you dont need anything else, Id like to eat lunch with my friend Stanimal, not with the douchebag you are being right now.
I see Stan freeze. Yeah, I gave him pause. Its understandable.
What I dont like, though, is his attitude.
Now, he seems to be understanding what I mean, at least from what I can glimpse through his irises. But, before he can go back to the dining room, I speak again.
Stanimal, man, this is SpongeBob 101 Ill exin who that ister. Or its deep philosophical Taoism. You choose. But it basically means moving toward your objective by pursuing yourself, not the objective. Helping that woman will give me incredible power. But thats not the point. The point is to help her. When you pursue your own path, you be unstoppable. Or at least, thats what I believe. I already have the means to parry more than you could even imagine. Now, Imcking attack and defense. Attack wille from healing. From helping. And I consider that the noblest of things. Isn''t that the deepest thing when a de can heal and hurt? Isnt that a better king than the one you have been or the one you would want me to be? Or do you need me only to harm? Well, Im not that kind of a guy. So, by the time we get to the academy, Stanimal, I might be able to kick more asses than you might think.
I sling the burgers onto the buns and, after pouring an ungodly amount of homemade ketchup on them, I sit down at the table.
Chapter 146: Who Am I
Chapter 146: Who Am I
When I went through our daily ledger and ounts, I saw scary numbers. We sell stuff to establishments that I didnt even know. And even though I didnt have to add up exactly how much money we were getting yeah, taxation works a bit differently here I realized we were raking in a lot of money.
Now, looking at what could only be described as a citadel inside Amorium on Master Lakariss blueprints, Im not sure that we are indeed so rich.
We cant afford that, I tell the Goblin.
We are taking a loan from the royal court, Stan says steadily.
Even though our conversation clearly left a mark on him, hes hiding it.
How big of a loan? And is it at my name? Dont we need guarantees?
Im the guarantee, I hear Princess Lauras voice from the side.
Huh, that makes sense.
So, do you have anything you want to add? Im already more than happy with this. But Ill satisfy whatever request you might have.
I look at the Goblin with my lips pursed. Yeah, man, I bet that you are happy. Whether that is for the money or building such a thingwhy wouldnt you be?
So, Stanimal, we are building a park? I look at the back of the bakery.
A miniaturized version of the Green Walk. We are going to nt our own products, especially coffee and cocoa. They are taking Amorium by storm. The Watch has ced big orders on coffee. Plus, Cami and minia are willing to buy chocte in big batches. Already prepared chocte, I mean. So, we will need a building for manufacturing the final product that will then be assembled by our own [Bakers] or [Choctiers], a new ss that has recently appeared in our midst. Our bakery will have multiple floors, and one of them will be entirely dedicated to this fast-food idea of yours. The top floor, instead, will be the tallest restaurant in the city. Amorium has not been built vertically. Therefore, the entire Green Walk will be visible from there.
The shape of the new bakery was a diamond, with a massive kitchen and an equally massive part for what I supposed would be either our new breakfast clients or the drunk adventurers at night.
We would also set up outside booths, Stan says.
And what about the buildings around us?
ces to sleep for our employees and customers. We separate the sleeping and the eating areas as you once suggested.
We are building a hotel. WOW.
That will beplementary, not parallel, Master Lakaris intercepts, the lodgings will be divided, as per Stans order, into more and less luxurious parts. If you are dealing with the royal family, you will need suitable amodation if they evere to Amorium. And unless you want me to build a vi outside the city like every other noble, this is it.
So, we are recreating a Four Seasons kind of experience puttingmon folks and nobles in the same space, just different rooms. I like this.
Only the blueprints of the bakery and part of the park are finished. The rest is yet to be decided, Lakaris calms down, getting back to his usual self.
When he speaks about architecture and future ns, he abandons his broody mood. Even his assistants look at him differently, with less reverence and more admiration. The two [Enchanters] that follow his side have the same admiration for me now. They did not forget their defeat at my hands when wepeted in Cantrips.
While I eat my burger and Lakaris screams at me not to spill sauce on his blueprints, I momentarily disconnect my mind. Although I dont usually do that on purpose, today is different. All these changes are sweeping up a part of my time, and Im not sure that this is what I want anymore.
Will I be a great [Mage], or will I be a [Baker]?
And can I be both?
I dont feel any anxiety when talking about wars, marriage, or great magic.
But now
I need time. I need time to think about this. Its true that I havent managed much of the bakery until now, but its also true that the bakery wasnt that big. If we build this behemoth, wont it need my presence?
And
Its not magic.
I love baking. Its something Ive been doing since I was a kid. I had helped in my familys restaurant, and I did my best to be good at it. I mean, not my best, but I have given it a good try.
Now, though.
Am I a [Baker]?
Do I even need to ask such a question when the world has answered it for me?
When I feel a spark of magic between my fingers, I feel alive. When Mana courses through my veins and brings the impossible to reality, thats when I feel happy. Its fun. Even when I suffer for it. Baking is something that happened to me. It was a casual encounter in my life.
But as I grow older, its time to ask:
Am I going to spend the rest of my life baking?
This is real life, not fiction. Therefore, I cant just do everything that jumps in front of me. What happens if baking takes time away from things like saving Antoninuss mother? I mean, its also true that I cant consume myself trying to save every single person in this world now, can I?
God, its as if I went back to seven years ago. People would wonder what they would do in college and what kind of profession would best suit them. And that was the topic of discussion all the time. Sometimes, it also made me angry. I always found it pointless to discuss so much without actually doing something. People would say they wanted to be journalists without having even a simple blog article under their belts. Some would say they would be doctors but never did more than watch Grays Anatomy.
I never really said much. I said I wanted to chill, to take it easy.
But now, I wonder, was I wrong?
Was it a way to just avoid saying the same stupid stuff they did?
But at least I started doing something baking. I got good at it, and now now I realize Ive never really cared about it. Not when I have magic.
Chapter 147: Big... love
Chapter 147: Big... love
A soft breeze settles on me while Im strolling through the Green Walk with Princess Laura at my side.
So, youe from an unknown Human Republic?
Kind of, I say.
She looks into the distance with her eyebrows furrowed, trying to conjure names of possible ces I could be from. The fact that my birthce is still a mystery doesnt y well when you potentially have to marry into the Elven kingdom.
Why cant you tell me where this ce is? My family will need to know, Joey.
You dont know it. Your family wont either. I cant really do anything about it, I say as I look at a huge windmill covered in weird nts.
Princess Laura shoves me, making me stumble and almost hit a horse trotting on the side.
Whats the matter with you?!
She only chuckles in response.
There are only a few Republics that I know. Even fewer are governed by Humans. And many [Diplomats]ing from those ces dont like the idea of royalty.
The only royalty I know is the old Queen of Ennd. And I dont think Americans usually care about that. Its more like an afterthought. Maybe some very red-blooded ones might still hold a grudge against the English royalty, but I really dont think thatsmon.
I have nothing against royalty, I say, trying to think if I have any problems with them. Nothinges to mind, though.
That would be one requisite when asking to marry a [Princess], she snorts.
I like how open you are about it.
What should I do? Feign that all that has happened recently does not exist? My mother lost the throne because of me, she says, suddenly darker.
Your mother lost the throne because she taught you that all Humans are pieces of crap.
She opens her mouth to say something, but then her lips twist and kill whatever was going toe out. Im under the impression that she had something mean in the bullet chamber but that she just shot the ground instead.
I am not sure you will ever realize how absurd this is, she says, rotating a finger between us. How do you just go around saying yeah, Im going to fight a war if you marry me, and mean it? My Ancestor said he checked your wordsmultiple times. You are not lying. And you dont just believe it. Reality itself seems to believe it.
Shes talking about the difference betweenmon truth stones and superior truth-checking spells.
I want to do magic. Im very good at it. Thats pretty much it. If I be strong enough to prevent uncountable deaths and enforce peace, why not? Its not like it would diverge much from the path. If I learn magic and be powerful enough, I will be roped into politics one way or another. But if I take action myself, at least its my choice.
She grounds her feet down and startsughing. Internally, I cant help but admire her. Her spontaneousugh is so unbridled she can barely check herself.
Can I ask a question that might get me stabbed?
Sure, she nods, still reeling inughter.
How can a person go from Human-killer madwoman to a reasonable and responsible [Princess]? When we met for the first time, you seemed as crazy as they make them.
"I spent a lot of my childhood alone, and a lot of that time wondering about what I did wrong. I began doing it on a daily basis. And it makes you question everything you do to the point where you question your actions even if you act like a jerk. Only difference is that I usually second-guess after the fact rather than before."
I watch while Princess Laura talks to a little girl. Im not sure what happened there, but we found her crying in the middle of the Green Walk and Her Highness seemed receptive to it. Sure, I would have done the same, but I let Laura have this one.
Theres a sneaking feeling in my gut. Like a literal snake made of loving feelings thats slowly crawling under my skin and toward my heart. Thats what it feels like to spend time with her. Whatever she says, its not mboyant love that I feel but a warm feeling that her side is where Im meant to be.
Joey, she got lost when she was running around here with her brothers, Princess Laura says, looking at me. The kid doesnt look older than six or seven.
I go up to the small Elf and smile.
Hello, there, little girl, I say.
Is little girl creepy?
Im not a little girl! she spits while screaming at me. My brothers left me here!
I look at Laura, hopeful she has a better exnation.
Her brothers left her here.
Thanks, Sherlock.
Ok, what do you say we bring you to the Watch, and they help you get back to your family
WEEEEH, she starts crying. More screaming than crying, but you get the gist of it.
Oh, shoot. Laura, do you know that wolvese here to eat children who cry aloud? I gasp to add emphasis.
All of a sudden, the child goes silent and pale the poor thing is now scared to death. Good. Im not that good with children. They are like cats. Obnoxiously entertaining, but still obnoxious.
Lets help her find her family, I say.
We start moving back toward the city, leaving the great sights of the Green Walk behind us. However, what really stuck with me from this stupid afternoon was one thing. The Green Walk is not just a park. Its a massive clump of incredible architecture, a veritable Mount Rushmore if that thing actually looked good. And bigger. Much bigger. But what really got to me was not the incredible sights. Or, to be more precise, not the incredible sight of the buildings.
No.
It was Princess Laura talking like someone who knew themselves. Because its easy to act out, to be yourself. You know how people just say, Yeah, dude, just be yourself. What a load of crap. If you are just yourself, you are most likely an asshole. People are not wired to be good. Being good takes effort. Hell, being decent takes effort. Being good, more precisely, is a titanic endeavor. Its not a case that Prometheus had to be a Titan to bring fire to humanity, and even he suffered unspeakable torture for one simple act of kindness.
And so, Im terrified.
Im scared shitless pardon my French.
While Laura holds the little girls hand, whose name I didnt even register, I realize Im scared. Im scared of this woman. Shes good. Shes too good. With Lucinda, I still believed she could betray me, stab me in the back. With Laura, I have to force the idea on me. Otherwise, my gut is telling me that this is it. This woman might be the perfect match for me.
But can it be that simple?
Can love really be that simple?
I look at her massive buns, sticking out even from the loose [Mage] robe, and I nod to myself.
It can.
Chapter 148: Acquisition
Chapter 148: Acquisition
So, whats the n?
The n is pretty simple. Do magic, I replied. Nothingplex, really.
That doesnt sound like you thought about it all, Princess Laura says with a raised eyebrow. Are you going forward with the massive ns my Ancestors made? You will need to manage them. And how can you do that if
I mean, Stanimal said he didnt want anything to do with politics, right? So, Ill delegate most stuff to him. Ill just take care of some ideas here and there. Ive already exined my problem with this whole operation to him. He said that if I ever needed to go abroad to exterminate entire races, he could take care of things here. Plus, I do need a home, right? I might as well have it here. And before we go, I came up with my own little n.
The white pig I have in my arms squeals in approval. Princess Bianca was mightily angry with me for having ignored her during my magic practice. Therefore, she requested I bring her along in my future endeavors. Whatever they are.
How did she tell me that? She had Stan trante it. Yep, Stanimal speaks pig.
Anyway, the fact that Stan was nning to build what one could easily call a castle rattled me. But, at the same time, I came up with a solution. My greatest fear in embarking on the magical path is losing all the people I had bonded with throughout my brief experience in Amorium. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, they were my support. Without Cami and minia, Id be feeling a bit lonely. I liked Lucillus and Antoninus, but I shared more of a bro bond with them. It wasnt the same friendship I had with the two girlsCami, especially.
Thats why I decided that I wanted them both closer to me. I wanted them to work with me.
Arriving at the Three Roses back office, where I first met the three girls, I see minia and Clodia waiting at the entrance. They are talking. Clodia, as usual, looks pissed. minia, instead, just curious.
I asked Princess Laura toe with me. Its a bit bad on my part, but I needed the intimidation factor that royalty would have on my potential business partners. Yeah, I want to buy out Happy and the Three Roses. And Im pretty sure Clodia will try to beat me up for it.
minia, sharp as the most wicked de, narrows her eyes at me. Shes wearing loose baking garbs, stained with chocte all over. Apparently, she has practiced so much that even her enchantments failed to keep the stains away.
The fact that both her and Cami have pink hair even though minias is dyed, and Camis is just natural pale pink is funny. Its like they were made to be a mirror image of each other. Heterozygote twin sisters.
As soon as they see the Princess at my side, they break into curtsies. Clodia is wonderfully agile and graceful in hers. This is the most hrious thing today, and I just cant manage to stifle a bit ofughter.
You have something to say, Luciani? Clodia growls.
The two most beautiful Elves are here with me; Im just enjoying the sight, I smile.
I can feel Lauras eyes on me, but I ignore the fact that I might have just offended her a bit. The Princess, for all shes really prone to change and whatnot, is also a bit vain. She knows shes beautiful. And shes not happy about my fakepliment to the other girls. In turn, that makes both minia and Clodia quite proud. I just got the ire of a Princess to tell them they are both beautiful. But since its them I need to woo today, thats all part of the n.
Cami and her sisters are inside? I ask.
Yes. Clodia was a bit angry about something Cami said, and I told her we better wait outside.
That little kid, Ill rip her stupid little head
Well, typical Clodia. Looking at her ripped arms, I wonder if she could really hold true to her threat.
Probably.
As we enter the ce, I find all three sisters conferring among themselves. Theres animosity in their voice.
I said that is in our interest
Cami goes silent as soon as she sees me.
She narrows her eyes in the same way minia did.
Have I leaked something without knowing? Why do I feel like they already know why Im here?
Is that a pig? Amelia, the older sister, and Clodias current lover, asks.
Said pig squeals in outrage, pointing a leg at the woman. With her disgusted gaze, she seems to say, you are the pig, youngdy.
via, the sister that doesnt talk much, pokes Amelias side.
Wait, is that the Amelia looks at Laura with wide eyes.
Your Highness, Cami nods at my escort before her sister can ask the obvious question.
Well,dies, what a beautiful morning to do business with all these gorgeous
Luciani, cut the crappardon mynguage, Your Highness. What the hell do you want? Is it true that you want to buy both our businesses?
Here we go.
How do they know?
Who told you? I ask, incredulous.
Its a secret, Cami winks.
That idiot of my cousin did, Clodia says without missing a beat.
Goddamn, Lucillus, you broody, wide-mouthed [Gossip].
So, is it true? Clodia presses me.
I mean, yes? But its more borate than simply buying
I aint selling to no damn Human, Luciani, Clodia says. You better start running back to your bakery before I can
Hell breaks loose with Cami telling Clodia to shut her trap and minia getting drawn into the fight by via making a remark about Happy.
Princess Bianca, in the meanwhile, taps on my hand, requesting I put her down. I oblige. Theres one girl I dont mess with in this room, and thats the Wallorian Treasurer. As soon as I put her on a chair, she squeals so loud that I believe I went deaf for a second.
Everyone falls silent and turns to the little white pig. Said animal turns to me and waves her front leg. Thats my cue to speak, I guess.
Thanks, Princess Bianca. As I was saying
Chapter 149: Arrangements
Chapter 149: Arrangements
Well, I didnt get mobbed when I asked Cami and Clodia to work with me.
Thats something.
As Im arranging stuff for my departure to the academy, I hear someone shout from downstairs.
You t-eared idiot! What is that?!
Thats how you attract foot traffic, you fat bastard! Camis shrill voice reaches upstairs.
Oh, yeah? Do you want me to snap you in two like a twig of dry wood? Clodia shouts back.
I offered them 20% each of whatever joint we were working on. They are free to divide it again among themselves and their employees. I suspect minia will want a cut from Clodia and the same goes for Camis sister, the youngest member of the family.
I finish packing my stuff in my new bag of holding while Princess Bianca sleeps soundly in my bed, letting out little squeals from time to time. Yeah, in the past four weeks, I could only bed one Princess. Thankfully, I had expanded my bed. The Wallorian Treasurer loves to upy the majority of the space. The first time she came to sleep in my bed instead of her room, I was up, conferring with Lord Juler about our problems. I heard the little pig cry and didnt ask any questions; I just left my door open. The morning after, I found her sleeping with me.
I mean, I wish it were the other Princess but lets give it a bit more time. And lets not mention this wish of mine to said Princess.
After double-checking my personal belongings, I make my way downstairs. Master Lakaris immediately looks up at me, eyeing the two women that are bothering him right after. I think he didnt appreciate me leaving him at their mercy.
I have already given the guy my indications, and I have no intention of repeating myself. It was exhausting enough to think about everything. I told him that if I missed something, I would simply make peace with it. Im not going to go crazy about this stuff. I have one priority in my life at the moment, and thats
I look at Princess Laura sharpening a de in her form-fitting armor. It was probably custom fitted to make space for her
Magic.
Thats the priority.
Magic. Alright.
My eyes roam, and theynd on the two people I need to talk to.
Stan and Domiti.
The girl has had some unspecified problems that dyed the start of our training. Now, Stanimal is reviewing the contract I had drafted, following Lord Julers orders. Looking at the expression of my favorite manager, hes taken aback.
Whatever.
Quintus, Tiberius! I shout. I hear Tiberiuss prothesis ck on the ground as hees out of the kitchen. Following my future head-chef, the other head-chef.
I dont know whether its because they are veterans or just over-enthusiastic people, but they both spend an unhealthy amount of time working.
Chef! they both report to me.
Both of you, the ce will keep running on auxiliary kitchens while Master Lakaris starts working on the bakery. Remember, dont let Clodia and Cami bully you. You represent my direct authority.
Tiberius takes the puffy white hat that I introduced to this world and tightens his grip on it. He nods nervously. Quintus, instead, sniffs and, after a quick look at the bickering women, simply turns back toward the kitchen.
I have a preparation in the oven, Chef, he says while scuttling back.
Go, dont worry.
Tiberius follows shortly after.
Joey, I see minia gesturing at me from a table.
Everyones busy making arrangements for the following days. The fact that Home-Bakery, our ce, is renewing shop will change many things. And these people are professionals. As I move to my friend, Im d I made this decision. I can already see she has notebooks full of stuff, including all the recipes I gave her.
If there was one thing that really tipped the conversation about joining Home-Bakery in my favor was the fact that I had shared all the recipes I was using with them. Clodia and Cami are fighting about that right now. One of them wants to start producing fast-food stuff as soon as possible; the other wants to focus on the richer clientele.
Whats up,dy?
Im checking your books. Everything is in order. As we already said, we are moving in as soon as Master Lakaris is done with the first floor. Mixing Happys and the Three Roses employees will be hard but doable. As long as Clodia and Cami dont stab each other, we are in the clear, Id say.
I give her my signature wink and raise a thumb in approval.
But she lowers her voice, looking around. Im worried about Antoninus, Joey. You promised him you would cure his mother? Are you sure you can do that?
Here we go.
Thats been my main concern over thest four weeks. I have prepared some stuff for my duels at the academy, but mostly as a hobby while doing real magical research. Lord Juler says that we could plunder a magical library. After the little progress we have made, thats pretty much the only reason I want to visit the academy. I dont give a rats ass about the duels, nor Lauras brothers. Nor am I in any particr mood to see Lucinda again. Im not against the idea of seeing my pal Augustus and sharing a steak with him, but Im afraid that the twoe as a package.
I really hope that Lucinda didnt get a boyfriend. I mean, if she did, Lady Luck, let it be a person with some brains at least. Please, just please. Dont let it be a person whos insecure and jealous of past boyfriends. I already have enough problems.
Shes better now, isnt she? I smile. Juler and I ovepped so many spells on the woman that if she didnt at least feel better, it would be inexplicable. She could now walk without her bones breaking at every turn. However, we only earned more time. The disease will continue to advance. And the more we wait, the more shes likely to die.
Thats a little miracle in itself, minia nods. I thought she was terribly sick. You really did something, didnt you? And this
You dont want to be a [Baker], Joey, do you?
I smile and shrug.
Not really, no, I admit.
minia looks around the big bakery I built in a few months and then back at our books, stating the outrageous amount of cash Ive made. Shaking her head, she shoots me an understanding smile. Her squarish jaw would look out of ce on any other woman, I swear. On her, though, it gives off a feeling of maturity and strong femininity.
And you are really going to marry the Princess?
If I beat the [Mages] at the academy and stop the war.
I stop to think for a second.
Wait a moment, I say, turning to Stanimal. Stanimal! Do I marry the Princess after the academy and then resolve the war during our marriage, or do I first have to resolve the war to get married?!
It is a fair question. Ending a war is a bigmitment, and it will probably take some time. I cant wait forever to getidiscover the wonders of marriage and fatherhood.
How did you draft this contract? Stans deep voice reaches me, not answering my question, though.
Research, I wink at him. So, when is the marriage happening?
If you beat all the [Mages] in a duel, Ill personally escort you to the royal court and make a case for your union. Of course, you will need to swear many things officially, in blood, on your magic. But if everything goes smoothly, you shall marry the Princess before ending the actual war.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Thats what I like to hear.
I raise a thumb to Princess Laura, who looks at me with a smirk.
Chapter 150: The Nine Towers Academy
Chapter 150: The Nine Towers Academy
I wish I could say I enjoyed the travel, that I saw amazing things on the road, and so on. But the truth is, I didnt. I absolutely loathed every moment of it. You know that thing about some characters not getting along with horses? Well, thats me. I had no idea we would ride horses for something like ten days. Even Stanimal was bbergasted at how much animosity the equines could muster toward me. So much that we even bought a goddamn cart along the way. We had horses provided by none other than the Royal Guard, and we had to attach one to a coach.
After that, the sickness came. Oh yeah, sickness.
I had not had time to heal quickly enough from the soreness in myher region when I started puking my guts out. And you might wonder, Well, Joey, why dont you ask the [Supreme Archmagus] for help? He helped a woman with goddamn ninth stage cancer; cant he do something for you?
Which is a wonderful question.
To which the answer would be:
Joey Luciani. You might not be a Vanedeni, but you are being taught by one. Stop being a child and learn how to tolerate the []
You get the gist.
So, yeah. No. No, we are not describing my awful travel. I am not telling you about the beautiful sights I saw or the weird animals Stan presented to me. Why? Because I was puking and feeling sick every other minute. How can a person on a coach feel sick? Beats me. But I was. And I really dont want to think about it.
When I was thinking about me hitting the academy, I thought about a grand wee, about [Archmages] lining up to see me, and God knows what. Was there any basis for such a thought?
Not really.
What happened was that I ignored all the majestic architecture to check myself in an inn where I could use the toilet. Then, I kept feeling sick for almost the entire day. Admittedly, one of the reasons I felt so ill was because I kept doing magic math and running simtions in my head. And listen, if, on the one hand, the stupid hat is very powerful and helpful, on the other, it messes up your internal bnce and overall perception. It amplifies everything. Thats why I kept puking my guts out during most of the trip.
But I had no other choice.
The clocks ticking. Lord Juler told me something very interesting about this stupid academy, and thats the only reason Ive actuallye up here. I couldnt care less about any duels. Antoninuss mother has to be healed.
As I finally fall asleep, I ponder the nature of mytest findings. I might have finally managed to recreate something close to gamma rays.
Waking up, I find myself staring at a massive snout.
What the hell, Grigio? I pull myself up, and the dog looks at me with contempt. What have I done to this animal is beyond me, but he really seems to dislike me. Whatever. As I move, I hear a squeal from my side, and I notice Princess Bianca rousing from her royaly.
Looking out the window, I notice that its still day. I must have slept a couple of hours. I look for a clock on the wall, but theres nothing in my immediate vicinity. To be honest, I dont even exactly remember which inn Im in, if we all checked in here, or if I talked with anyone else from the group.
I mean, our group is actually pretty small. Its me, Lucillus, Stanimal, and Princess Laura. Oh, yeah, and Domiti, my new student. Before, I had thought about bringing along either Tiberius or Quintus to open a shop here, but now that weve got Cami and Clodia with us, I needed someone to keep them in check.
Would two veterans suffice?
Only God knows.
Getting out of my room and into a wooden corridor, I instantly notice that the overall quality of this building, a simple inn, is nothing to scoff at. The wood is polished and has a luster to it. Plus, I can feel a slight tingle on my skin. There are enchantments all over the ce.
I look at all the doors, and I instantly decide that its better I dont start randomly knocking on strangers doors. Instead, I make my way downstairs. Grigio, the dog that apparently magically entered my room, almost trips me on my way down he runs to a table where I can see all my escorts.
Yo, wassup, I wave at them. What time is it?
Lunch, Lucillus grumbles.
Lunch? Huh. Well, I think I lost twenty pounds on the way here. Better order something.
I look around, hoping to find a waitress. When my eyesnd on a cheery, hairy, fat man, I feel my appetite fade. He instantly scuttles over to me, almost tumbling. Its one of the first very fat Elven people Ive seen. Even though they dont respect the canons of fairness created by fantasy writers, Ive rarely seen very fat Elves. And I deal in sweets. So, I should be the prime expert on the subject.
Hello, dear customer! Wee to the Drunken Pyromancer!
Wow, an inn in a magical citadel named after something magical.
Hello, there. Lovely establishment, I nod to the man. Im a bit hungry, and I need to put on somefood in my stomach. I managed to bite my tongue before saying, put on some weight.
Sure! We even have Human delicacies here! Would you like a te of steamed snail buns?
Come again?
Steamed snail buns! Humans love them! Its one of the most popr dishes from the Almiri cuisine! Even if we are at war, it doesnt mean we cant share some of the great food our enemies make
My brains fuse goes out for a moment.
Ill take some meat. Even better, some meaty soup. With some bread on the side. If you have magical meat, Ill take that. No organs, no bones, please.
Im not a picky eater, but these goddamn Elves would scare even Bear Grills away with their ruthless chewers.
The server nods and starts rolling away toward the kitchen.
I notice dark faces on Lucillus and Princess Laura. The first is not a surprise, the second a little more so.
Wassup?
Theres already a greatmotion about your duels and our possible marriage. Someone let that slip, and now theres civil unrest. People are running around bbering about stupid things. If my Ancestor werent here, we would be flooded with idiots by now.
I look at my Stanimal, always calm and collected, feeding Grigio some meat. I have no idea when that happened, but I can see Princess Bianca riding on top of Grigio and taking some food from Stan as well.
Thats my girl.
After eating an excellent stew, we move out of the ce.
I can finally take in parts of the citadel around the Nine Towers Academy.
Theres something sharp about this city. What immediately stands out is that most buildings are made of solid rock. In Medieval times, thats very rare. Building such things takes a lot of money. And that doesnt seem to becking here. Many of these buildings are topped by a spire, pointy and majestic often lined with metal. Thanks to this, glints of light shine around the city like a series of deadly fireflies.
When I feel something hard under my feet, I notice that all the ground has been covered in bs of rock. It kind of looks like marble, but its also different. Its more uniform and porous. Its a softer stone that gives a very even look to this ce. Amoriums streets are quite clean, but they are still made of dirt. Here, theres an implied sharp geometry in all constructions. The corners are not rounded but as sharp as possible. I wouldnt be surprised if the number of kids who cave their heads in here were very high.
Theres only one city in the entire world that gave me a simr feeling to what Im seeing right now. And that city is Rome. But the thing is, Rome is a mess. The Ancient Ruins are not well kept and barely standing in most ces. However, whenever you catch a glimpse of the ones that are still proudly looking up at the sun, you can feel what the ancient Romans felt. You can see their proud civilization if you look deep enough. But just in glimpses, just in passing. Its a brief summary of one of the greatest civilizations ever to exist.
The most marvelous thing about the sight I have in front of me is that its whole. When I think of antiquity, I can rarely picture that the whole city actually looked like those few majestic buildings we have left. Instead, it was probably a cradle of filth and shit or thats how I picture it, at least. But here, everything looks like the Colosseum but the full version, not its crumbled remains.
And this is just the citadel, not the academy proper.
The academy is visible from afar, though. And when my eyesnd on it, it takes my breath away.
So far, this citadel has amazed me. Admittedly, many things have from the Green Walk in Amorium to spells and skills. But, if I have to be honest, nothing has felt properly magical. Its always been something very borate, something that would take a lot of effort but could still be done even by normal Humans. Here, instead, leaving aside the crowd of different races walking around, theres that special something.
The academy looks like a super-sized version of the Sagrada Familia. Its like a cathedral but bigger than a skyscraper. But even though the massive spirals could be confused with the actual towers of the famous Nine Towers Academy, such a misunderstanding cantst more than a couple of seconds.
As soon as you turn your eyes away from the main body of the building, you can see nine even taller and bigger towers. They encircle the academy like a crescent moon, holding its back. They look protecting and threatening at the same time.
But what really gives me pause and turns me deaf
The bridges of light.
I dont know what else to call them. What I see connecting the academys various levels with the towers is a multitude of light bridges. They are static and unmoving, like the rest of the academy. But they arch lightly, with irreverence. They are a part necessity, a part levity. And most of all, they are Light Magic. I can feel it in my core. If the enchantments in the inn made my skin tingle, what Im feeling now is equivalent to falling in love.
Theres an intimate kinship with whatever magic Im witnessing, something that runs deep in my ss.
The Nine Towers Academy is one of the two great institutes of magic. But its the only one that has been historically open to everyone. The other is on Carilia, the continent of many races. And its in the Hydras nation. We have forced them to ept other [Mages], but the natural disposition of such creatures for magic makes them arrogant. Few decide to tangle with them and their politics. And even Sziezais, the great [Archmage] that led the world war on their side, went to the Nine Towers Academy. He stayed here for centuries before going back.
Lord Julers words are like a guide telling the story of this museum in the form of a city.
Appius and Archmage Titus have already sent invites, Stan says, interrupting my daydreaming.
After hearing the first name, Princess Laura scowls.
Appius? Is he still saying that my family arranged our marriage? I swear, Ancestor, I will personally rip off his useless little
Stan clears his throat, silencing Princess Laura immediately.
Joey, the [Archmages] have been informed of your challenge. Few have taken it seriously. They will send someone to test you first. And thats only because I vouched for you. If you want to y it safe, you might want to consider allying with an [Archmage]. There are seven of them at the academy, even though not all are out in the open. Some are secluded in their towers, researching secrets of magic.
Nah, I dont want to get political. I came here to kick ass and get my hands on some research.
As Im talking, the ground suddenly rumbles.
I panic and start to look around me. However, no one seems fazed by anything.
Well, someone got word of my presence here, Stan sighs.
As Im about to ask whats going on when the sun goes dark for a second. Lifting my head, I see an enormous goddamn golden Dragon fly above us. The streets are extra wide here, but Im pretty sure that such a creature cant
The Dragon descends in free-fall toward us.
Here we go. Im going to die. Is this the Dragon I stole the stupid book from? I mean, it could be, right? Its a magic book, and this is a town of magic with a huge, stupid Dragon.
Well.
Here we go.
Eternal rest.
I hope several beautiful virgins are waiting for me in Heaven. But I think Im with the wrong religion for that.
But then, the massive shadow disappears, and an ordinary man materializes in front of us. Well, ordinary might be a bit of a stretch since hes taller than Stanimal. He looks like a half-giant, and his skin is squamous and golden. It doesnt take a genius to figure out whos in front of us.
Archmage Marcus, Stanughs. Still behaving like a child, I see.
King Tiberius, always sulking.
After a moment, the two hug each other.
I dont go by that name no more, Marcus. You can call me Stan now. I want to leave my role in this country to younger generations. Im done interfering.
Oh. Was that a [Ghost Assassin] who dethroned the current Queen and raided the court, then?
Almost done, Stan says with a light smile.
And thats the Princess, the Archmage turns toward us, looking straight at Princess Laura with rainbow-colored irises. Not bad. She has a decent magical aptitude.
And is this thing about a Human wanting to marry her true? Wait, is that the Human?
Suddenly, Archmage Marcus frowns. Then, he sniffs the air like a hound.
A stray thought hits me.
Im wearing a hat whose inner lining is made of Dragon skin.
Oh, here we go again.
Aborted generations, the Archmage swears, widening his eyes. Is that Human wearing Julersstupid hat?
Stan turns to me with confusion in his eyes, but then he widens them.
Thats it! I could recognize the smell anywhere! And its lined with Dragon skin! That cheeky bastard! I was barely a kid when I met that idiot! He made that hat on purpose to irritate Witches and Dragons!
Someone still remembers the greatest [Archmage], I see.
I can hear Lord Juler gloat at the irritation I can now spot on theposed Dragon [Archmage].
I raise a hand in salute and try to smile. To be honest, Im so close to soiling my pants. Im stupid, yes. But Im not so stupid as to mess with Dragons.
Joey? Is what Marcus says true? Is that the Relic the most famous [Archmage] created to spite an entire ss and race?
Its [Supreme Archmagus], you fools.
Do I have to answer that question? I ask, grimacing.
Is he a Vanedeni? the Archmage asks Stan.
No, just a normal Human. I dont actually know where hees from, exactly. But I vouch for him, Marcus. Keep your ws to yourself. He will also duel with your best disciples.
Will he, now, I can sense some enmity from the Dragon and his zing gaze pouring over me.
Fear not, student. They might have practiced longer than you. But they are neither made of the same cloth nor have they a teacher worthy of their name. I shall be long forgotten by history the day an untalented Dragon shall instill fear in one of my disciples.
Am I a student or a disciple, now?
You qualify for being my disciple. But Id rather make it official with a proper ceremony. We will take care of it at ater date.
Tiberius, why is your student not answering my question?
Ie back to the real world, noticing that I apparently missed a question from the big bad Dragon.
Hes not my disciple, Marcus. And please, call me Stan. He daydreams, sometimes.
How can a person so distracted be worthy of dueling my disciples, Stan? Does he even have any magical aptitude? I cant see his talent. Is he taking magic seriously, or did he just find a Relic, and now he thinks he can lord over others? And whos teaching him? If he doesnt have a teacher, how can he demand to challenge my students?
The chatty Dragon is still talking, and I have no intention of interrupting him. However, thats not so true for the person that can randomly take control of my body.
Disrespect has always run thick in Dragons blood. Like Hydras, your lot has always felt superior to the rest of the world. Even if, time and time again, you have been humbled by history. And also, once again, the Nine Towers Academy looks down on those not taught by their clique. But I carry both Lord Julers, the one [Supreme Archmage], will and Relic. The only thing that stands between me and a weak Archmage like you bowing to me is a few years. So, Dragon, be careful with your words. This body does not have the blood of a Vanedeni, but it carries all its will, and its wrath shall descend onto you if you intend to insult me any further.
Everyone fucking freezes at my words. I can feel a hint of pissing out of me. I have rarely been this scared in my life.
Well, thank you, Lord Juler. I really wanted to die. I mean, why not.
Suddenly, a huge magical pressure envelops my body. But Lord Julers currently in charge of it, and he simplyughs at it. The Dragon narrows his eyes, but he relents after a second.
He talks like that madman, Tiberius. I cant call you Stan, Im sorry. Bear with me. Habits and traditions die hard with a Dragon. I will host you as my honored guests if you agree. Your descendants are in my tower, under my people. I think you want to check on them. Ill have a report drafted for you as soon as we cross the entrance.
The Dragon ignores my words even if Lucillus, Princess Laura, and Domiti are as frozen as I am.
Oh, and you, Human. I shall test your words. If you are foundcking, Im sure many would be after the Relic you wear on your head. And just as many would dly take it off of you, with your head still attached to it.
Chapter 151: Legends
Chapter 151: Legends
It took me a while to realize how absurd a Dragon named Marcus was. Usually, you would expect something very cringe. Or some of those idiotic names full of airmas. Something like Ifyouareanidiot-putanotheraima. Jokes aside, Im d I wasnt burnt to a crisp after Lord Julers umpteenth outburst.
We are now walking to one of the majestic and massive towers basically, magical skyscrapers. Some of them are taller than the academy proper. And while Stan and his [Archmage] friend are talking, Im trying to take care of future problems.
Lord Juler, cant I be left to deal with these problems on my own? I dont really need to make people even angrier. Id like it if you stopped taking control of my body.
Taking control? Joey Luciani, Im no [Possession], child. Youe from a soft world. Here, at the Nine Towers Academy, real magic is present. Wonders of a magnitude you cant even start toprehend. Your magical theories are incredibly elegant, but they are notplicated rituals. Magic, Joey Luciani, can change has changed the world. You still dont know how tomand respect. That Marcus was a young uppity [Mage] when I was still alive. Do you know how old that makes him? No? Well, Id suggest you open a history book. If you let these people take a whiff of your weakness, they will pounce. I scared him to death, instead. Nothing terrifies a Dragon more than a threat of future demise. They are born more powerful than Humans, but their longer life spans make themzier,cent. Humans and other species are always racing against the clock and that means we have to face more adversities. If you face more adversities, you gain more levels. If you gain more levels, your expertise goes up. And if your expertise goes up, Joey Luciani, you can learn how to be an even better [Mage].
Yeah, ok, Im not initiating a discussion with Lord Juler ever again. If theres anything I learned from what he just said, its this: never bother an old man with too much time on his hands. Its like when random old people stop you in the park and start talking about their life while theyfortably sit at their benches. Then, you are faced with a choice. Do you go away, knowing that you will cross their path again they are there all day, goddammit or will you sit at the bench and see how deep the rabbit hole is?
Whats the little Humans specialization, Tiberius? I hear [Archmage] Marcus ask Stan.
Light Magic.
Another fool? [Archmage] Marcus shakes his head.
Leave him be, Marcus, Stan sighs and puts one of his old, wizened hands on the humanoid Dragons shoulder. New generations need to be a bit arrogant, and you know it better than me.
When I was young, every other [Mage] tried to be the [Light Mage], Tiberius. I have to say that few remember the importance of such a ss. But your little student is either the biggest idiot in this world or an arrogant fool.
What?
Lord Juler, what are they talking about?
No response from the Vanedeni illegally inhabiting my soul.
Yo, Lord Juler? Please, I need an exnation.
Joey Luciani, I must inform you I was in the middle of very important mathematical feats.
Did he get offended because I always tell him that he talks too much?
Please, Lord Juler. I know that you know. Would you mind telling me what they are talking about? Id rather ask you than that stupid Dragon.
I suppose Yes. But stop being a [Sycophant], Joey Luciani. I, as your master and teacher, shall recount a story
I slowly breathe in and out, hoping that I wont pop a vein in my head.
They are talking about legends. Even I only found fragments of this. But the story goes that theres a great Evil in the world. Mind you, there are many great Evils but there is one specific legend saying that one of these is the greatest yet. Again, I only found posthumous fragments to corroborate the story; that means we dont have any assurances that this is actually the case. Plus, the Dragons are very sketchy with their own history.
The story goes that a Dragon, a master of magic beyond imagination, led a charge against the greatest Evil in the world. What this Evil was, or is, is a mystery. Monsters, Canti themselves, or whatever. The point is that such an enemy was d in darkness and could I dont know how to put it. I still remember the fragments I found on whatever. These lets call them monsters could heal from almost any wound. The only magic that could negate their regenerative capabilities was Light Magic. This is why countless [Mages] throughout history have tried to uncover the secrets of the [Light Mage] ss.
It is interesting to note that you naturally gravitated toward the ss. You stumbled upon it. Anyway, one of the greatest masters of the Nine Towers Academy was a [Light Mage]. Its been millennia, though. He disappeared without leaving a trace. Dragons had something to do with that. But even then, records of his existence were hidden or burned. However, all the Light Magic you will witness inside the academy is his legacy.
But going back to the legendsWhen I found some of the records, there was indeed an ominous energy surrounding
Joey?
Huh?
Turning to my left, I see Lucinda tugging at Augustuss arm, trying to pull him away. Instead, the big Elf smiles at me with the intensity of a thousand suns.
Yeah.
Fuck.
In a second, I feel like Ive been repeatedly stabbed in the guts. But I can also see that Lucinda is probably much more ufortable than me. I mean, she did stab me in the back after I showed her the basics of my magic.
So, theres only one thing to do now.
Yo! Augustus! Lucinda! I wave at them as loudly as possible.
Im not a person who carries grudges.
But sometimes
Its not a bad idea to embarrass someone to death.
Chapter 152: Check
Chapter 152: Check
My entire escort stops.
Lucillus and Domiti widen their eyes.
After I shout Lucinda out loud, even Princess Laura raises an eyebrow.
Looking at my old crush, I cant help but sigh. Shes still so beautiful.
I go up to them and give Augustus a big hug.
Wassup, you big lump of magic? I tell the guy.
Joey! I heard that you and Lucinda had split up! But then I heard that a Human with your name wasing here to challenge us! Is that really you?! Augustus nearly crushes me with his arms.
Yeah, man. Long story short, your Princess wants to marry me. Its a big
Why are you wearing that massive [Witch] hat? Augustus grabs me by the shoulders and distances us a bit to take a better look.
Long story, man. Long story. Do you want to eat something with me? Ill pay this time, I say with a warm smile. I dont know how sincere Augustus has been with me, but if he keeps being this wholesome, I see nothing wrong with entertaining hispany.
Joey, Lucindas voice is more like a whisper. Shes pale and looking around.
Oh, I would love that! We were waiting for Atticus here! Im not sure hes going to like you, though. Hes one of those Elves.
Is this Atticus Lucindas new love interest?
The pain in my guts has now twisted into rage.
To be honest, our [Archmage] is not the friendliest toward Humans. But I can hang out with you, man. Every day! I hear that you can kick ass now! You know, you will face me in these famed duels!
Goddamn, I like Augustuss energy too much to leave him to Lucinda.
Thats good, buddy, I say while giving him a small punch on the shoulder. Our bro-energy is off the charts. Ill treat you right now. What do you say? I dont like my host that much, anyway. Dragons are a poor excuse for real spellcasters.
Lucindas and Augustuss eyes go wide while I feel like crying.
Lord Juler. For Gods sake
Tiberius, your little friend is truly the reincarnation of that old bastard, I hear the big Dragon humanoid say.
[Archmage] Marcus. King Tiberius, a third voicees from above.
Raising my eyes, I see two people descending at a slow and controlled pace.
Titus, I hear Stan sigh.
Is that the Human? said Titus snorts. King Tiberius, you must be getting senile if you believe that one Human could ever hope to defeat my disciple, Atticus.
Wow, this whole thing escted pretty quickly, didnt it? Lady Luck, please, cant I be excused from this contrived version of aic viin? What is he going to do next, insult my mother?
While Im researching a whole new branch of magic, you bring filthy human spawn to the Nine Towers Academy, Tiberius? I have long stated that Humans shouldnt be allowed here. If that stupid Vanedeni [Archmage]
You know, Im not a violent person. Im not even overly emotional unless you insult my mother, right? I mean, he didnt exactly do that. He just called me filthy human spawn. Im not that crazy to take offense. Plus, should I make that idiot another one of my enemies? Why?
Well, he did just call a Vanedeni [Archmage] stupid.
Lord Juler has taught me one thing about his people. And thats that it doesnt matter what the stakes are, no one insults a Vanedeni. They are crazy. Cuckoo, to say the least. But they would never let even the strongest King maltreat a Vanedeni. They would and have, by the way bring war to any nation if they heard that even one Vanedeni had been treated unfairly, discriminated against, or simply insulted.
So, lets suppose there was a way for me to pay back such an insult. Lord Juler has been so gracious with me that I do feel for the Vanedenis a bit. I managed to shake Viliths offers off. But I do think they are indeed marvelous people. And they are Humans. I guess I should defend their honora bit.
Plus, do you know that apparently, the hat Im wearing makes it impossible to read my ss or to know Im casting magic? Yeah, it has some super high-end enchantment that as a side effect muddles what we could define as your magical signature and aura to external forces. So, not even an [Archmage] can know for sure that I cast something. They cant see my Mana. Only the result.
That being said, [Flight] is a veryplicated spell that Lord Juler exined to me in passing. I remember him saying that [Flight] is basically a spell matrix kept in his matrix state. The flying part is just a, once again, side effect.
While influencing a finished spell with [Dispel] is almost impossible, spells like [Flight] are more vulnerable to such magic. Normally, it would be foolish and it would be considered an attack to try and [Dispel] the [Flight] of an [Archmage]. Normally, that is.
Suppose you have a way to hide your casting capabilities.
Check.
Well, now its easier.
Plus, an [Archmage] usually has a very strong soul-shroud, and [Flight] itself is a huge matrix to try and influence. Therefore, its almost impossible to [Dispel]. Well, suppose I have been practicing my own version of [Dispel] with the book in my free time. That and a couple of other tricks.
Suppose then you could disrupt such a spell without breaking a sweat.
Check.
Well, now
Suppose the person flying is still around four meters from the ground and that youve already studied how to dispel [Featherfall] as a practical exercise conducted with Lord Juler.
I look at Titus, [Archmage] and big, douchy idiot.
[Single-Minded Focus]
I would like to use [Aura Lucis] to boost my abilities, but bing a massive beacon of light would kind of give me away, now, wouldnt it?
Therefore, I just multi-cast around ten super strong [Light] spell matrixes inside his own [Flight] matrix. As some [Featherfall] enchantments activate right after, even before he starts falling, I cast a very strong [Light] matrix close to the ring on his hand.
Archmage Titus falls like an apple from a tree.
I hear a nice crack from his ankle as hends on the hard ground.
That warrants a decent mark on your magical assessment.
I agree with Lord Juler.
Chapter 153: Approval
Chapter 153: Approval
Well, didnt we just assist at a potential diplomatic catastrophe? AH! Augustus was tearing through a giant chicken leg, not unlike those you see in cartoons. However, the [Breeder] and [Chef] skills made it not just real but also one of the most sulent treats one could enjoy at the academy. And Augustus knew all these ces very well.
How did you know that it had been [Archmage] Marcus? Augustus asks me.
Just a hunch, I say with a foxy smile.
What? You think I would have owned up to it? Hell no. As soon as that idiot crashed to the ground, I gasped and looked wide-eyed at [Archmage] Marcus. The Dragon,ughing his ass off, was caught off guard when Titus hurled a massive [Earth Lance] at his face. Then, a fight broke out between the two [Archmages]. It probably continued outside the city when the Watch got involved and told both [Archmages] to get a grip.
[Archmage] Marcus is just a vile creature, incapable of the same fine and borate spellcasting that [Archmage] Titus has been researching.
Thats Atticus, Lucindas new boyfriend. And [Archmage] Tituss main disciple a magical talent so great that everyone believed he would soon follow in Appiuss footsteps. Whos Appius? Yeah, I knowlots of stupid names of irrelevant people here.
Yo, pal. Get your head out of your dear [Archmage]s ass. Your nose is getting all brown.
Im not in my best mood, I have to say. I invited everyone almost forced them to have lunch with me and my escort. I wanted to make Lucinda feel as ufortable as humanly possible. Im not going to be disrespectful. I mean, not too much, at least. But I had underestimated how much of a douche this guy could be.
A lowly Human could never understand the height that [Archmage] Titus will reach once his research goes forward, Atticus sneered, eating his little cutlet in aposed way.
Oh, what great research, pray tell, I say.
Wouldnt you like to know, worm?
Everyone at the table stopped.
What? I asked, looking around.
Worm is the same epithet my niece has used for you, Joey, my Stanimal says. Yeah, hes here too. After the mess I made, we had to dy our visit to Marcuss tower.
Oh, yeah, I say,ughing. Its a slur for Humans. Its like the n-word for ck people here. Considering that Humans and Elves have been exterminating each other for a while, I think thats an aptparison.
The best part of this is that Atticus looks peeved. You know, I really want to tell him that his stupid teacher just stole a couple of iplete principles from me. What Lucinda got was just a drop in a bucket. Its a start, but it alsocks the insights of a proper [Light Mage]. And unless [Archmage] Titus wants to dive deeper and deeper into my field of magic, he wont understand the same things I have stumbled upon.
Or will he?
That [Archmage]? He wouldnt understand even if you told him.
Thats Lord Julers sass for you. The man has been less restrained than usual in invading my privacy since we have gotten to the academy. But I get it. Lots of things here interest us both.
So, Lucy, I say to the woman who would clearly rather be anywhere else in the world at the moment. Hows your studying going? I bet [Archmage] Titus took you in because of your incredible talent and merits, right?
Atticus looks confused. Hecks the knowledge of what really went down between us to understand that my words are not fianc has asked you a question, [Mage], suddenly, a voice cuts Lucinda off. I would advise you to sit down if you dont want the Royal Guard punishing you for disrespecting a close affiliate of the Royal Family.
Oh, man. I think I need a change of underwear now.
I turn to Laura, smiling broadly. Im so happy shes on my side
She looks at me with murder in her eyes.
Mh.
I guess that dragging my ex in front of her and making a scene kind of makes me look like Im still hung up on her. And women really dont like that, do they? Ha. I messed up.
Why dont you shame her and this little crony by telling them where the knowledge of their idiot teacheres from?
Id rather wait for a more appropriate moment. Like, if I win the thing and challenge someone like Appius. Then, as I beat his ass to a pulp, I tell everyone that Im the next [Archmage] of this world. Maybe conquer a tower or something like that right after.
Im obviously joking. This is not a book. This is not fiction. What I just recounted would be a wish-fulfillment of the lowest kind.
I approve.
Which is, apparently, what Vanedenis eat for breakfast.
My studies are going well, Lucinda says in a whisper, clearly on the verge of tearing up. Shes pretty ashamed, isnt she? Well, better than having her angry. At least she doesnt think shes entitled to any other reaction.
Princess, is the rumor true, then? You are consorting with Atticus looks pale as a sheet and mightily disgusted by the implications.
That I will marry the Human if he were to win all the duels? Yes. And he and I will put an end to the war going on between Epretos and Teiko. Whatever the cost, its time to make true on the memory of Prince Vespasianus.
That Worm-lover? Atticus said with revulsion.
Oh, boy.
I hunch forward to peek at Stan, sitting on the same bench Im on. To my surprise, he didnt even react. Hes eating some stinky vegetables without even blinking.
And werent you engaged to Appius? Atticus keeps going.
Man, dude. You are not a clever one, are you? Im actually feeling sorry for you now.
Appius was never engaged to me. His pathetic family wants to raise their fucking social status again and rally against Humans. My mother spoke with them multiple times, but do you know where my mother is now? Not on the fucking throne.
And if I hear this nderous rumor again, Ill have your genitalia cut off for disrespecting your Princess. Are we clear?
S-Sure.
While Im trying to understand how many times Atticus fell on his head when he was a newborn, I randomly meet Augustuss gaze. The man has wide eyes, and the corners of his mouth crinkled De Niro. His enthusiastic approval for my romantic pairing couldnt be stronger.
Thanks to his ridiculous expression at such a tense juncture, I start choking on my chicken so forcefully that I feel bits of sauceing out of my nose.
Chapter 154: Jump in the Dark
Chapter 154: Jump in the Dark
Joey, I managed to whisk Augustus away to the inn''s counter to have a more private chat. Now, hes congratting me. Dont tell anyone I said this, but you upgraded, man. Like, how did you even you know what, Im not sure I want to know. You would destroy my self-esteem. And did you really be so strong?
Are you talking about magic or dating? In both cases, the answer is yes, I show off some banter.
For all the dry branches of the Worlds Tree, Joey. You pulled I dont know what to call it. I mean. After this, they will say that you pulled a Joey Luciani. Now, though
I see Augustus chanting under his breath, and I feel a couple of wards go up.
You it was you today, he said while covering his mouth with a hand.
I simply dish out my signature wink and a cheeky smile.
And the knowledge Lucinda brought back, he adds, watching me like a hawk.
I wink again.
He stops for a second, taking in my revtions. Hes clearly shaken. And when he puts his hand back in front of his mouth, he seems on the verge of asking something terribly important.
Does Princess Laura have any cousins who look like her?
Hahahahaha! I startughing so hard I need to hold onto the counter for dear life. Man, Augustus. I love you. Really. Do you serve [Archmage] Titus? If you do, Ill get your apprenticeship shredded, and you cane with me. To learn real magic.
He startsughing, but when he understands that Im not joking, he goes silent.
Joey, Titus might not be the best man. But he treats Elves very well. And he knows more magic than many credit him for.
Augustus, I never liked my father much. But there was one thing I liked about him. The man was cryptic. Mysterious. He believed that people should follow you in the dark if they wanted to deserve and share your achievements. Its too easy to go into something with every detail in hand. But he brought this to the extreme, and in an awful way. He wasnt a nice person. I try to be one, though. Thats why Im giving away what my proposal entails. If you want to join, Ill get your apprenticeship from [Archmage] Titus. And if you do, you will never regret it. I cant say the same if you were to refuse. And you have to give me an answer now. Its a jump in the dark, Augustus. What do you say?
No, Im sorry.
Well, thats that.
As we bid goodbye to the [Mages], Princess Laura steps to my side.
You were robbed of your secrets, and you have no intention of calling that woman out? Do you still harbor feelings for her?
Feelings, maybe. Love? Nope. And she just stole the basic stuff. Trust me; magic is much moreplicated than the glimpse she got. In the end, Lucinda was just being Human. Hm, how can I say that? Well, just a small person, lets say. She saw the shiny coin and ran away with it, not noticing there was an entire chest full of gems. Shes not a cold-blooded thief, just a kid, really.
That Atticus insulted you, Laura reiterated.
Well, you did too. But hes going to face me in the duels, right? About that, what are the rules? Basically, every single [Mage] my age can duel me?
Every [Mage] whos still a student or just freshly graduated, Stans voicees from behind.
Well, thats good. Can they forfeit their duel, or do I have to go through the thousands of people here?
They can forfeit their duels, Stan nodded.
Good. Then, Princess, Ill have to whoop their ass so bad that all the others will just forfeit. And Ill start with that Atticus guy.
Tituss disciple has an outstanding talent, Human. But I guess I have underestimated you.
As I turn, I find the humanoid form of the Golden Dragon looking at me. Hes clearly been in a fight. Some of his scales are ripped.
You almost elicited a fight between two [Archmages]. We ended up in a small scrap. But what Im after is how you dispelled Tituss [Flight] and enchantment.
What? Me? Oh, [Archmage], you tter me. But didnt Titus say it was you? I say with a toothy smile.
Oh, was it? he replies with many more teeth.
I tip my hat and wink at him.
Who knows.
Marcus, leave him be. I need to check on my nephews. Can we go now?
Tiberius, your patience is thin as always. Yes. I shall show you what great care I have afforded your distant spawn. And dont worry, I have not told them that you wille. They know of their mother, obviously. But they have no idea whats going to hit them. How would you like to approach this?
Let them meet Joey, and Ill evaluate their reaction. If they are anything like their older sister, they are losing their noble titles on the spot.
And you, Human. Do you really think you can win all these duels?
If I were to lose, I would embarrass the memory of the greatest [Archmage] the world remembers, I say with a wink and another tip of my hat.
Oh, by the way. Do you have any books on Light Magic and, hm, do you know what waves are?
The Dragon raises a hairless eyebrow.
I do know about a theory of we shall study together, young Human. Ill share my knowledge of Light Magic and my resources. In turn, Id like to converse with you about your understanding of magic.
I hear Domiti, Laura, and even grumbly Lucillus gasp or swear.
What?
Is the Dragon dangerous? Is this a threat?
An [Archmage] just asked a novice to trade knowledge, Joey Luciani. Hes basically admitting you might know as much as him, at least in your own regard. For an [Archmage] of his caliber, its a great honor in their society to propose such a thing. In reality, hes just a shameless old geezer who wants to know more about your weird magic.
I mean, arent you the same
Is he okay? I hear [Archmage] Marcus ask.
That happens from time to time, Princess Laura answers.
Meanwhile, Im seizing on the ground with the [Thunderbolt Curse] zapping me to spasms.
Chapter 155: Test
Chapter 155: Test
Hello there, I say with a smile.
After passing through a corridor, I find myself in the library supplied by [Archmage] Marcus. Here, two young students are taking notes and sketching down spell matrixes. How that makes sense, to sketch them down, is beyond me. Could it be something simr to musical notation?
Both of them look at me, but the younger one turns to his older brother; the older one, clearly in charge, fixates his gaze on me.
They both have the same splendent purple hair as Princess Laura. And their eyes, too, are purple, unlike the golden irises of their older sister.
Im a guest of [Archmage] Marcus. He said that many of his people are busy with other tasks. He said you could show me around?
Sure, the older brother nods and looks at the younger with determination.
Their etiquette, so far, has been impable.
Im Aurelius. This is my younger brother, Plinius.
The older brother has quite a bit of muscle and is generally fit to the naked eye. He should be thirteen, or close to that. The younger is still more of a kid than a teenager. Hes nine and still learning the very basics of magic. Meh, he probably knows more theory than me.
Hi, guys, Im Joey!
What would you wish to see? Aurelius closes his books and speaks out.
Theres some kind of ancient statue around here? I heard about that. And would you mind telling me the story of the academy and the towers? Im not from here, and I dont know much about it.
The Canti statue.
Oh, yeah, that one, Aurelius. But I think Canti is plural of Cantus. One Cantus, many Canti.
Hes right, Plinius says to his older brother in a whisper.
Are you proficient with the ancientnguage? Aurelius ignores Plinius and asks me.
Heh, Ive studied some in my free time. More of a hobby than anything else, if I have to be honest. But its a fascinating thing for sure.
While we talk, I take my time to observe the insane space inside the library. You dont know, but this ce has a huge number of spatial enchantments, which means that even though the tower from the outside looks like a small skyscraper, its much, muchrger on the inside. This library alone is probably three times as big as the New York Public Library. Its insane.
And its architecture is one of those fancy ones that Chinese people go nuts about. It has spirals and levitating books that go from shelf to shelf on their own. God, the magic here is so thick I can almost touch it. Also, the ceiling is tall. But not like Oh, this ceiling is tall, more like How in the nine hells did they make a thing this tall? Listen, there are private reading chambers that are and Im not joking veritable towers. Like, towers inside the library tower. Isnt that messing with your mind? If its not, I dont know what to say.
Should I address you by your noble title? Aurelius asks,posed.
You can call me brother if you want. Otherwise, Joey is fine. Some like to shorten it to Joe. Whatever you prefer, buddy.
After a suspicious look, Aurelius just tells me to follow him.
The towers are ancient, as you might know. Their structure has been altered to fit the needs of many [Archmages] throughout the years. The existence of the Nine Towers Academy dates back to long before Elves had annexed its territory. Some say it even precedes Humans.
There is no malice in his words. Hes clearly educated, but hes also not talking too fancily. I dont like people who embellish their words too much.
If you are a person who finds sce in beautiful architecture, I rmend you visit all the towers. [Archmage] Marcus, however, might be the most obsesspartial with how his tower looks.
Rumors have it that its to attract possible female Dragons to its
Aurelius ps his hand in front of his brother''s mouth before anything treacherous can escape. However, that piece of information is out now. And, oh, boy, I will have to teach dear [Archmage] how to get some scaly tail.
Ive obviously been put up to this by Stanimal. Yeah. But the tour idea was mine. I shall at least get some sce in this stupid test. And, Im not going to lie, this tower looks he cool. Plus, the room with the Cantus statue is something that Ive been interested in as soon as Lord Juler mentioned it to me when we were crossing Marcuss tower.
And this is the entrance.
Unlike the previous public spaces, this time, Aurelius does not enter first, nor does he look asposed as before. This hall has weird energy and two massive doors, thicker than one could reasonably craft, barring the ess to it.
I put my hand on one of the doors and push.
The giant wooden titan silently and gently slides open.
What I find in front of me is
Its all steel. Its as if we just transported from a medieval tower to a spaceship. Perfect rectangles of steel line the pavement, with the same small distances between each other. As they reach the wall, they grow in height. They get taller and taller until they spring from the ground in the form of sharp, squared columns. Looking closer, its more like bronze than steel. Its slightly brown, but it gives off a golden shine.
When the square metal columns approach the wall, they be more and more inclined. Its impossible to describe how perfectly aligned everything is. Normally, such aposition would feel way off. But here, it doesnt. No, it creates a circr feeling in a perfectly square room. And the more the steel approaches the end of the hall, the more it bends, forming three concentric circles, at the center of which is the famed statue.
Lauridiana, Plinius whispers.
A massive statue, somewhere around 30 feet, stands at the end of the hall. If the architecture here is grand, the figure is grander still. Much grander.
Its a woman with two massive steel wings on each side, two times her already insane height. Shes wearing a helmet with two massive horns that point to the sky, parallel to her angelic wings. The lines are all straight and squarish, which gives it the sharpest feeling I have ever witnessed.
[Archmage] Kasiiaris oftenes here, Aurelius says. She says that Lauridiana was most likely a [Ferromancer] like her. Or at least thats what her aura tells her.
At that moment, a divine aura washes over me.
Chapter 156: Bully
Chapter 156: Bully
I can still remember my first Holy Communion in church. My family was extremely religious, and church was a thing you did together. Some of my friends moms would just go to church alone, leaving their husbands at home to watch football. If my father had ever done that, my mother would have divorced his ass before he could say touchdown.
Having Italian roots meant that my family could pull enough strings to have the Communion in Italy. That was one of the first trips I can remember. It was nice, and it felt special. Im not a huge fan of religion, nor am I a practitioner. But if your average American kid bes atheist at a very young age, in Italy, you cant really tell that to your parents before a certain age. Church is an extension of your family functions. In Italy, church precedes the Sunday lunch at your grandparents house. Every single Sunday. No exception. Nowadays, obviously, traditions tend to die and slowly wither away in the face of modernism. However, most Italians still follow the same rules.
And when I put my feet in an Italian church for the first time, I was intimidated. My family, like every other Italian, is Catholic Christian. Its a big surprise, considering the Pope lives in Italy, right? But yes, the Catholic Church. So, as I entered this Italian Cathedral, I felt a different vibepared to the churches back home. Everyone was extremely serious. Even older male parents would joke around for no more than a few seconds before checking if the priest had spotted them. That ce felt holy. I have no better term for it. It gave you the impression that if you misbehaved, God would literally smite you out of existence. In a good way, though.
My Italian at the time was not perfect. It was passable, at best. But I had been trained to be able to listen and understand every single word spoken in church. My mom also got me the pamphlet with the days Gospel and helped me trante the parts I didnt know.
So, what Im trying to say is that I was impressed. Never in my life had I been so thoroughly convinced that God existed. Italy, unlike home, is a ce of deep-rooted traditions. And that has its pros and cons. But entering a church with a full-on formal tailored kid suit and listening to everything from the first row, waiting to receive the biggest sacrament of your life, was different. It was a unique experience.
It was meditative. It was transcendental.
But it was still figurative. The incredible atmosphere couldnt change the fact that I understood one out of every three words, nor could it hide the sounds of coughing, the bored sighs, and the sneaky nces at the wristwatches.
As I look at this sanctuary of Lauridiana something that, from what I understand, is very rare I feel the same emotions I felt back then. But this time, its more than real. Theres a palpable aura, a pressure of divinity surrounding the statue. In Amorium, people have cool skills, but most of the time, everything looks normal. Like, at first nce, you wouldnt know that its and of fantasy and magic.
But as soon as you entered the hall with Lauridianas sanctuary, allegedly one of the Canti, you would feel it. You would instantly know you were not on Earth. You could even start believing in Gods, with tangible or at least convincing proof.
Very impressive, I say under my breath to Aurelius and his younger brother, Plinius.
They nod, both skittish in the presence of the statue.
Do we know who made this?
No record documents its creation or any other work done to it. Usually, halls this enchanted and this big require maintenance. As far as Im aware and I have consulted [Archmage] Marcus about it thats never been the case for this ce. Its as if it existed outside of time itself.
Well, doesnt this sound like the creepy ce that would give me more missions to save the world? You know what.
See ya, Lauridiana, I wave my hand and walk out of the haunted sanctuary.
Both kids immediately scutter.
I ask them to show me around for a little more before telling them that Im done and will go rest. But in truth, I use one of the trinkets that Stan left me.
[Invisibility]
[Muffled Step]
I turn the corner and find them walking back to the library.
The Human was weird, Plinius says.
I think he was just stupid, Aurelius answers.
Ouch.
That hurts more than hearing something speciesist.
Is he going to stay here?
I dont know, Plin. Its not like he secretly told me. You were there with me, no?
Fuck you.
I almost snort aloud after hearing the diminutive kid swear.
Fuck you!
No, fuck you!
So far, to be honest, it doesnt seem like they are particrly speciesist. After a more prolonged bout of insults, they calm down. We are almost at the library. This ce is ginormous. And it definitely has too many stairs.
Mother will get angry if she finds out we are friends with a Human, Auri.
Fuck mother, Plin. And fuck father, too.
Unless they are two spies trained in counterespionage, that should settle it. Im almost pressing on amunication stone that Stan gave me, but then something interestinges out.
So, can we hang out with him? He seems funny.
He cant do much about Appius, Plin.
We should tell Laura, Plinius sulks.
Yeah, go tell her that her boyfriends brother is a big bully. Good luck.
Oh?
Plinius looks down, balling his fists.
Listen, at least we are with [Archmage] Marcus, now, Aurelius sighs. I dont know why we got transferred from the main body, but he cant really bother us much while we are here.
But when I go to the lessons Plinius starts whining.
Hes Appiuss brother, Plin. Being a Prince doesnt change the fact that his brother will be someone we cant offend, not even as royalty. Plus, if Appius marries Laura, hell also be her King.
Well, well, well.
Chapter 157: Exchange
Chapter 157: Exchange
I was listening, Stanimal says with a straight face.
And you are not going to beat this guy up? I ask, incredulous.
Stanimal just looks at me without blinking, slowly stroking his silvery beard.
Should I?
I mean, your nephews are getting bullied, not mine, a touch of anger reaches my voice.
Mh.
Stan doesnt want to beat up this Appius dude and his stupid brother bullying my two soon-to-be brothers-inw. Is he testing me? Why do I get the impression hes testing me?
Are you testing me to see if Im going to smash this Appius dudes face? How old is this brother of his even? Twelve?
Twenty-one. Appius is thirty-two.
What? Im confused here, Stanimal. Are you telling me that a grown-ass man is bullying two kids?
Stan smiles and nods.
Oh,e on, Stanimal. Dont be so obvious.
Are you trying to rile me up for the duels?
Why would I?
I exhale, exasperated. I pace around Stans room, a spacious and clearly exclusive space. He has one of those big beds with a roof. I have no idea what they are called. And, if I have to be honest, the wood of the bed-thingy looks enchanted.
Are there enchantments to improve your sleep? I say, pointing at the object.
Yes. They are notmon, and few people can maintain them.
Meh, whatever. Academy pricks. Anyway, did you get any news from Cami and Clodia? Are Tiberius and Quintus still alive?
Stan gives me a heartyugh before nodding.
Both are well. I received a message while you were visiting the tower. Master Lakaris has sessfullyid the foundations of the bakery. Hes squeezing as much work as possible from his crew, hoping he will be able to present us the finished bakery when wee back.
Thats ambitious.
He is almost at level 60, Joey. Im not sure you understand how high that is.
Oh, talking about levels. Wheres [Archmage] Marcus? And how is it fair that Dragons can level up? Shouldnt they be excluded from it?
All sentient creatures can level up, Joey. Even your Wallorian Treasurer. In fact, I think she might have leveled up in one of her escapades.
Yeah, Princess Bianca sometimes goes on strolls on her own. I gave her a couple of protection artifacts to make sure no one steals or hurts her, though.
Her species is very rare these days. But, hopefully, if a war does break out, well see more people level up. Ever since my kin went into slumber, this world has been sleeping too.
Turning, I find the humanoid Dragon staring at me from the door. I wonder what these days qualifies as from a Dragons perspective. Is it millennia? A couple of centuries?
Marcus, Stan nods to our host.
Tiberius, Marcus smiles, I arranged the first duels for tomorrow morning. They will be a test. If he passes, well arrange the real deal and make a spectacle out of it.
Cant we have it more subdued? Im not really in the mood for ying a diator in the Colosseum.
The political implications of your challenge and the eventual result are
Stan raises a hand, and the [Archmage] fellow goes silent.
No, Joey.
Ok, I shrug.
So, if you wish to prepare for the uing trials, Ill arrange a room with
What? Im already prepared. Werent we supposed to discuss magic? Come on, lets not waste time. Im on a schedule here. I need to go back to Amorium as soon as possible.
Marcus was quite baffled by my attitude, but he still eded to my request. We went into a private exercise room. Its like a gym. But for magic. It was mainlyyered with different protection spells to avoid exploding the ce or yourself.
Fascinating, the humanoid says.
His multi-colored irises reflect the shine of my magic. Im spinning around twenty [Lights] in concentric circles. Perpendicr to them, Im rotating a couple more in orbits. They perfectly intersect the voids between the other [Lights].
So, this is the magic Titus has said would change the entire academy? And ites from you. And a girl you were bedding stole that precious knowledge? And you are telling me?
The [Archmage] looked genuinely surprised at my revtion.
I mean, [Archmage], no offense. But Im just showing you my Cantrips. I barely exined how they work. And if its true that you can deduct some of this, I guarantee you that the inner workings of my magical theory are much deeper than this. Ill willingly share enough knowledge for you to incorporate all of this into your spell matrixesno need to torture me or stuff like that. Also, Im pretty sure that one of the artifacts I own would blow us up both if you tried. And its not my hat, I say while giving the Dragon both my signature wink and a now-signature hat-tip.
Bargaining with a Dragon after several months just being a baker and a Gold-rank. Joey Luciani, do you have any idea what any member of my race would do to you if you showed up with that hat in front of them?
Try to, I correct him.
The golden humanoid shakes his head.
Humans are so very brazen. It must be your short lifespan. Dragons cant afford the same degree of idiocy. But its the same idiocy Humans have that makes them level up so fast. Take the Vanedenis, for example. They throw themselves in danger like moths to fire But yes, lets make a bargain, Joey Luciani. What do you want from me? Is it the recipe for the elixirs that prolong life? Do you want information on your adversaries? A favor?
Nah.
What do you want, then?
Tell me, [Archmage] Marcus, do you know what radiation is?
Chapter 158: Archive
Chapter 158: Archive
Longsting damage and only a few materials can block it, among which lead, [Archmage] Marcus mumbles my words back at me. Mutagenic properties in the body and mostly invisible light.
Where did you hear about this? he asks.
Huh, well, I cant really tell. Knowledge passed down among my people, [Archmage]. Id rather keep the exact source secret. I hope you understand.
The golden humanoid creature slowly nods. The more I look at it, the more his head looks like a serpents.
I have records, ancient knowledge of what you are talking about, the Dragon says. But they are in Draconic script.
I know that. Take it. If they are in Draconic script, they are the real deal.
Its fine, [Archmage]. Ill take them.
The value of our exchange the Dragon stops and raises a hand, gesturing for me to wait. I look at the wed fingers that could probably shred me to pieces without much effort.
The value of our exchange is tough to quantify. On the one hand, the Dragon probably knows that my knowledge is invaluable. On the other hand, we dont know how much those records hes speaking of are worth. Plus, Im not even sure this is not just a ruse to hike the price. Acting is not below [Archmages] if it means getting a good deal. Lord Juler has exined that to me.
Joey Luciani, if hes talking about manuals from time immemorial, then its going to be a good exchange. And even if he wants to incorporate your spellcasting into his, he will need toe back to learn more. You will make him dependent on your knowledge. That shall open a wealth of resources to you. Before we can return to Kome and retrieve my relics from that idiot Dragon, well have to make it work with these idiots scraps.
What?
Lord Juler, are you suggesting we fight a Golden Dragon?
Golden? Who said Golden? The cmity well face is a ck Dragon and one of the strongest. She could actually be one of the strongest creatures in existence, as far as I know. Not just among Dragons. Even though her ss is not geared for fighting directly, shes still old enough to be above mere sses and levels. She could be the oldest being
I have to say, Lord Juler, you are not making a good case here.
Luciani, preparations trump everything else. Ill have you walk in herir more than prepared. It will be like stealing cake from Hydras.
Which didnt strike me as particrly easy, considering that the race had almost won a world-domination war, but
Follow me, [Archmage] Marcus suddenly says.
So, they do have elevators. But they are exclusively avable to the [Archmage] and other important figures only.
This is one of my personal archives, the Dragon says.
I have to admit,pared to the rest of this tower, especially the sanctum of Lauridiana, this ce is very in. Its just in white marble all around. But, considering that the tower exterior is more ck than rock-brown, this room contrasts nicely with the whole creepy mage atmosphere.
I had this ce built myself. What you are seeing is Dragon architecture. For our diminutive forms, yes, but still.
Yeah, it looks cool.
Theres no real sign of magicjust your standard libraries. By standard, I mean so powerfully enchanted that my skin itches.
No magic is allowed here. Usually, I ask people to leave their artifacts behind too. Im making an exception for you. These records are not something that can be easily replicated. Dragons have a particr way of inscribing their knowledge. They are very hard to destroy, but more than one rogue [Mage] has tried erasing our ancient knowledge out of spite.
At least theres no church burning books, you know.
And the religious fanatics who believe that knowledge is intrinsic to sses and skills always produce one or two high-level individuals every century. Those are the worst. This entire archive had to be warded specifically against [Holy Fire].
Well, we reallyck for nothing, dont we?
So, do I have ess to your archive? I say with a smile.
Under my supervision, yes. Ie here to conduct research myself. Ill fetch you the manuals after your duels. In the meantime, you should rest. You are going to duel some powerful [Mages] tomorrow.
What? No! Im getting the studying done now. Tomorrow is a problem for future Joey, not me. So, lets pop out those cursed manuscripts. Come on, lets go!
Oh, why do you want to peruse the [Cursed] ones?
Its just an expression?
It has never reached my ears in all the centuries I have lived, the Dragon scoffs.
Its new, dont worry. Its just millennial ng. Wait, what year are we in? Are millennials even a thing?
Following the most popr calendar, this is the year 2934.
Oh, what is the calendar based on? I ask, curious.
Our calendar is based on Jesus Christ, so whats their equivalent?
The [Calendarist] first edition, the Dragon sighs. Some have forgotten, but its just academic notation taken to the extreme. A famous [Researcher] and [Historian] needed a reference point. He was sick of referring to years as fifty years since thest intercontinental war. So, he made up a random starting point and added a negative for anything before then. In a way, its useful. Most races dont keep records older than three millennia. Those who tried still suffered wars and destruction. Or they simply forgot the importance of such a practice. But Dragons, well
He gives me the first toothy smile since I met him.
Dragons dont forget.
Chapter 159: Researching
Chapter 159: Researching
Say it again.
Light is where everything ends and begins. It is believed that once a [Light Mage] is strong enough, his light can mimic other schools of magic. However, he will obviouslyck the specialization the others have. However, thats an outdated theory. For the sake of posterity, I want to state that Light Magic has a proper direction. Its still unclear what proclivity we need to assume for [Light Mages], though. Weck the fundamental understanding. We are trying to ask someone who never saw fire to be a [Pyromancer].
Lord Juler tranted the text in my head again.
This is
I was looking at the weird runes in the book in amazement. A couple of hours had gone by simply trying to sort out what material would be interesting and not. This specific book had some pretty wild theories.
This one says thatis it even possible?
The stiption seems to make sense.
No, it doesnt. In the span of thousands of years, maybe tens of thousands, no one has figured out Light Magic? If radiation is truly the goal of this magic, then
No one has ever advanced Light Magic enough to understand its potential.
That was an understatement. If what we were reading had any semnce of truth, this would be aplete revolution in the magic field. Even Lord Julers voice crackled with emotion.
Our worldcks the necessary understanding of Light as an element. Photons. No one has ever made any theory on that. Or, to be more urate, no one has made anything worthy. Therefore, this is the equivalent of finding water or fire. If you seed, Joey Luciani, this is the moment a new school of magic is born. This could be my greatest legacy.
We have been jittery and emotional since we started reading a dissertation on different schools of magic. It was one of the hidden books that [Archmage] Marcus gave us. He said he was being thorough but that he didnt believe there would be much there.
Instead, all the books focused on Light Magic had turned out to be quite useless for now.
Even you believed that Light Magic was no more than a copycat. But if what the author says is true, once we figure out how to produce radiation, you will have reached the next stage of your ss. You will likely not only gain multiple levels but also a Unique ss.
On a superficial level, the author of such a thesis could be overlooked. In the end, they hadnt provided any solution, had they? But on a deeper level, any [Light Mage] should have been able to find out the massive breakthrough hidden in his words.
[Light] might be particte.
Ive been working on my magic thinking that [Light] was a wave. But
If [Light] is not a wave entity
shes and pseudo-visions generated by the hat appeared in front of me. My visualization skills are better than Te''s now. The hat literally made me capable of seeing things. And I was imagining
I
Thats
Lord Juler can read my thoughts in real-time. And he exined to me that reading thoughts could be brought to non-verbalmunication. He can literally visualize things that I do if he wants to. He also told me he would teach me how to defend myself against Mind Magic at some point. Lord Juler wasnt going to be with me forever, he exined. And I needed to learn as much as possible from him. Obviously, that was after we made some badass gamma rays together.
And now, he saw some of the things I was visualizing in my head. I swear I dont know how I came to this realization. But a bunch of things started clicking in my head.
And I think I found the solution.
[Archmage] Marcus left me alone, trusting that I wouldnt try anything stupid. His promise of supervising me had vaned pretty quickly after hed realized I wanted to stay here all day. All night, to be precise.
Excuse me, I hear a voiceing from the door. Turning, I see a humanoid Dragon looking at me. Goddamn, how many Dragons did Marcus bring here?
The [Archmage] has asked to tell you to rest. Its veryte, and the duels are taking ce tomorr
He starts choking after seeing the spread of books and crumpled-up papers all around me. Plus, since its very hot here, Ive partially undressed, remaining shirtless. I know, I wish I had a white tank top to embrace every Italian stereotype from the 50s, but this is what Im working with.
Tell the [Archmage] he can worry about our opponents.
Lord Juler went fully mad as soon as I started writing down the process to generate gamma rays. He can feel we are so damn close. Hell, I can feel it too. Therefore, he allows for no interruptions. With a swish of my hand, he makes the Dragon fly out of the archive and ms the door.
Lord Juler, do we really need to be expelled from this tower? Cant we treat them more kindly?
For all the disgraced and failed [Heroes], Joey Luciani. We are so close! If you are tired tomorrow, Ill take care of those buffoons! But tonight, we work!
I mean, dude, ok. Chill. I get it.
But to be honest, Im feeling the same excitement consuming Lord Juler.
Let me exin why.
Chapter 160: Magical Theory
Chapter 160: Magical Theory
We are deep into the night. I dont know howte exactly. And its not like knowing would change anything. We are on it. We are so damn close.
Lets start with something that might have been a little confusing for you. My first assumption while creating gamma rays was that Light Magic would have a wave-like behavior. What does that mean? Well, gamma rays are electromaic radiations. They are photons that run very fast. I mean, its not that easy. But yeah you get the point.
Now, if gamma rays are not particles and we know that it means that they could be generated directly in the form of [Light]. Why? Well, we supposed that Light Magic was not particte. Therefore, as long as you elerated [Light] fast enough, it would be a gamma ray. Again, not exactly. Just bear with me.
Lord Juler and I had tried to mix and match electromaic waves made of [Light] again, not 100% sure what we were doing to elerate them. Or just to fuck them up bad enough to create X-rays. From there, the idea was just to amplify the process enough to produce gamma rays.
Turns out we were doing it all wrong. I got a suspicion from the book we just read. As he was exining the weird nature of [Light] magic, I realized that I had always considered the magic as a wave. I also ran a couple of experiments to confirm that. And, man, even though I hypothesized that magic existed in a different dimension and stuff like that, I still didnt think of the most likely option.
It was simple.
Elegant, almost.
Magic is its own particle.
That exins so many things. You remember the shielding experiment to block [Light]? It was the one before my head almost exploded from all the research. Long story short, magic has non-physical properties. However, it can influence the world, obviously. It interacts non-linearly with itself. By non-linearly, I mean that you cannot quantify or qualify its behavior in any single category. Its an asymmetricalw, something that doesnt follow its ts until it enters the real world.
What?
What does that mean?
Its simple.
Magic only starts behaving physically once it enters the realm of things. If magic turns into fire, it can be extinguished by water. But even then, not all magical fire can be put out by water or theck of oxygen. So, is this neww true? Well, it depends. Fire is basically a very high kic movement, right? What if you create an intrinsic forcefield not exactly, but you get the idea and use it to repel the external influences that would impede the self-propagating agitation of the particles?
Sadly, even though Lord Juler is now obsessed with the idea of asymmetrical behavior, we cant prove anything. Yet. It would require a massive team of [Mages] running experiments non-stop for who knows how long. However, once proven I dont know. Again, its magic. Theres only so much we can know. But if my new theory is true, it means that theres no one perfect casting method. Even my way is just restrictive. Thats why this discovery would be massive. If magic really behaves asymmetrically until it reaches the real world, it means you can conjure magic however you want. If you could conjure magic by eating grilled ducks and you were a master at it, you would be an [Archmage] most likely a [Duck Archmage].
However, this is just a coteral discovery. Its not something that directly influences the radiation. By this, I mean the fact that we could conjure magic from duck-eating. I believe I could have very productive discussions with some [Shamans]. Why? Because if Im right, theres a massive empathetic element that goes into creating magic. If Im right, spell matrixes could be mere lines in the mud. Why need them if you can just scoop the mud up with your hands? Well, again, this is all conjecture.
Now.
To us.
If magic does not need to change its pre-reality to any specific form, we can simply try to reproduce gamma rays. We dont need to find ways to elerate [Light] to insane speed and spew gamma rays from our butts. We simply need to create a pre-reality that fits an oue that poops out gamma rays.
Do you know how the stupid hat improves visualization and a thousand other things? It also helps retrieve information from your brain. And even though Lord Juler believed that it would only help with processing power, it actually gives you a better memory. Not surprising. The brain is quiteplex, and things often end up in a different ce than what we had nned for them.
If I think of my spells as electromaic waves, or even better, particte rays, I can do great stuff. Why? Well, thanks to the hat, I remembered an experiment where they produced gamma rays through. Lets review for a second how you usually obtain gamma rays mostly through radioactive decay. So, you would put something like an isotope of Cobalt into your machine to create a gamma knife. Also, cosmic rays, and I have been thinking about them a lot.
To be fair, cosmic rays are what triggered this epiphany about magic.
Why?
Cosmic rays are high-speed electrons or protons that collide with random stuff and generate high-energy waves like gamma rays. And here, my trail of thought gets a bit metaphysical and hard to follow, be warned. If Light Magic is the maniption of stuff that brings to radiation meaning that manipting any radiation, ionizing or non-ionizing, is a thing of [Light] Then magic itself can only be made in particles. Why? Because if it were not, parts of this ss would be impossible to ess. Not even Lord Juler, the [Supreme Archmagus], managed to produce anything that would give us real results for the guide or the gamma knife. And based on this very empirical finding, I firmly believe that magic has its own particles and that these particles can create gamma rays if used properly.
Chapter 161: Handle with caution
Chapter 161: Handle with caution
Spells have prity. They can form their own special electromaic field, as you demonstrated.
Therefore, I whispered, we could use prity to mimic electrons. We get a bundle of them, prize them massively, run them through a sma lens, and boomwe have low-cost gamma rays. Although, the energy will depend on the precision of the sma density.
Again, not that simple. But thats the gist of it.
And thats where we started.
And we had to make some massive adjustments down the road.
As you can imagine, elerating electrons is not that simple. Its not just about stacking anti-matrixes and so on. It involves the overall shape of your electromaic field. And Im using air quotes because its not a proper electromaic field as described by physics. Basically, half of this is science, while the other half is pure imagination. And someone is not taking that very well.
This could mean that I had wasted years upon years doing stupid research, whereas I could have been sitting in front of a tree observing the movements of the leaves to be a [Naturomancer] instead. I was so proud of my Omnium Compendium magic has humbled me once again.
Yeah, Lord Juler feels like he wasted his entire life.
As we try differentpositions, embellish the [Light] matrix, repack it inside three other such matrixes, and so on, we finally find a configuration that could work. Now, its highly unlikely that it will be anywhere near optimized. Why? Because its all guesswork at this point. But thats the beauty of magic. Its not an exact science. I mean, few branches of science, apart from maths, are actually exact science. But magic reminds me of what Socrates said. Both Juler and I now know nothing. And we are good with that. But we get some hints here and there.
After realizing all this stuff, I can feel it on my skin that Ill be leveling as soon as I rest. But, as you know, there is no rest for the wicked. Plus, I dont really want to rest. Why? Well, because we are changing history here, thats why.
As much as it pains me to admit it, I know how strong this new thing is. Maybe even too strong. Its so incredible that its like ying a video game in real life. Even if you were a good person, wouldnt you kill someone every now and then just to have fun, just because you can?
Whatever.
So, we took that, put it through a scrambled-egg, life-ending, sma-popping matrix, and
I had arranged a sheet of [Light] and aimed the gamma rays at it. It disintegrated. The sheet was carefully manipted to be in a semi-existence state, half-matrix, half-real stuff. And it basically just exploded.
I am too old for this new era.
After that shortment, both Lord Juler and I stayed silent for a while.
We had to use a materialized sheet of heavy [Light] to deviate the ray. This basically allows us to use the Bremsstrahlung radiation to create gamma rays. Thats when your particles hit something very fast, and the impact makes the gamma rays.
Listen, it took so much time to sketch out the overall process in its basic form that I have no idea what time it is. But this is it. We have to improve, build the guide, and so on, sure. But this is it. By the way, this was the radiation that was supposed to make the [Light] ripple and not explode.
With the recent discoveries, making a guide for the technique would be quite easy. The same principles could be used to make an effective MRI clone. This is
Insane. An era changed by a [Light Mage]. Like the legends say.
Well, I wasnt expecting that to happen, to be honest. One day, Lord Juler. It only took one day. I mean, not that Imining, but it feels
Anticlimactic.
Yep, baby. Very much so.
One day to uncover one of the darkest techniques of magic. If used incorrectly, it could ughter entire cities without them even knowing. I could just randomly nt tumors inside peoples bodies in a strategic location. I could make brain vessels hemorrhage with a dy of weeks. This is the perfect assassination tool because it would be nearly untraceable. Plus, considering that no one knows about it yet, it would be impossible to pin me down as a suspect.
I really need a with great poweres great responsibility speech here, Lord Juler.
I had already exined the concept to the man who, sadly, always took me very literally.
With great powers, Joey Luciani,es destruction. Not responsibility. How you aim such destruction can make you a [Hero] or a [Cmity]. Mauser, the most disgraced [Hero] of the Vanedenis, was an incredibly gifted man. He brought necromancy to great heights. However, he felt that his way was the right one. Even whilemitting atrocities. Whatever you do, it doesnt matter if you think its right or wrong; it will only matter what people think of it. Huge massacres could benefit the world, and inaction could ruin it.
To better express myself, child, whether you like it or not, you will affect peoples lives. Thats certain. You just uncovered magic that was either long lost or never existed. Right now, you are still very green, and you will attract malicious bastards from all over the world. Your me as I have already witnessed in many others could be snuffed out in the blink of an eye. Or you could lose yourself. So many things can happen. What you need, however, is to keep the same attitude you have had until now. Help wherever you can. But also know that you can kill now.
And killing is a responsibility.
Whom you kill will decide whether or not you are on the right side of history.
Joey Luciani?
I hear the same humanoid voice that had previouslye to tell me to rest.
Yes? I venture, still dazed by Lord Julers words.
Its time. Ivee to fetch you to bring you to the arena.
Huh.
Right.
The duels.
Chapter 162: Streets
Chapter 162: Streets
Are you drinking any tonics before the duels? the Dragon asks.
Not Marcus. No, the other Dragon.
Nope, just coffee, I yawn. By the way, Im Joey. Im not sure I caught your name.
Im Adriana, the first disciple of [Archmage] Marcus.
Huh.
A female Dragon.
Now, I dont mess with DnD or anything like that. But I have heard about bards doing stuff with Dragons. Is it very speciesist if the thought of having such an experience under my belt makes me flush a little?
Mh, nice name, I say while sipping on my coffee and yawning again.
Whats the function of that liquid? Adriana cranes her serpentine head above my shoulder yeah, shes a giant and takes a good sniff. Creepy? I dont know. A little hot too.
I look at her chest, and Im disappointed. No badonkers on Dragons? Shouldnt the supreme race, the apex predator, and whatnot, be very gifted in every aspect?
Well, no ones perfect, it seems.
It keeps you awake. Im not sure it would affect a Dragon, though.
Why not? she suddenly looks offended.
Hm, because Dragons are big?
Excuse you, she recoils, Ill let you know that even Dragons watch their weight very carefully. Fat is a disgrace! And having a humanoid form that, by the way, wed only assumed to offset the amount of food we need to ingest, means that we have slow physiology. Therefore, we dont need much more than yourmon Human to get drunk or
Man, what the
Lord Juler, are all Dragons like this?
Very Mercurial, as your world would say, yes. Arrogant and shallow. They usually deny thest part, but its what happens when your whole history tells you you are superior to every other species.
Isnt that the same mindset the Vanedenis have?
I snort.
Shallow Vanedenis get beaten up. If anyone shows misced pride, they get beaten up. You shall carry your head high with pride if you are a Vanedenis, but not
Man, Im too tired to listen to these two.
I tune out the sounds until we reach the tower''s exit, and we enter a wide street. The citadel around the Nine Towers Academy looks like one of those ces that were built on paper more than in reality. By that, I mean that the urban nning is perfect. Its too perfect. If you ever went to any historical city that was not bombed by the Nazis, you would understand what I mean. Those ces were built out of necessity, not nning. Therefore, those streets and buildings were an architects nightmare and a restorers dream.
As we start moving, I take in thendscape. Its mostly gray because its very early in the morning. The sun is not out yet. And even though this is a city of magic, clouds decorate the sky, gifting the great [Mages] a gloomy atmosphere.
Many shops are opening, and bright, magical orange lights diffuse through the thick ss windows. The light then jumps onto the street, glistening on the slight dew gathered on the perfectly paved white road. Its like walking on small golden des of fire.
Is the arena not inside the academy? I ask Adriana as we move further away from the towers.
There are multiple arenas inside the academy, but no one would allow a random Human just to enter there. The fact that [Archmage] Marcus was kind enough to vouch for you
Dude, I say to no one, really. I get out more bottled coffee from my bag of holding. God bless udius and me asking him to put a warming rune on these coffee containers.
So, I need to work my way up from the bottom of thedder. Man, Im getting major Dragonball Tournament vibes here. Do I really have to go through dozens of idiots? Are my adversaries going to talk smack like one of those cheap viins in Japanese cartoons?
By the way, Lord Juler? Hello? Lord Juler?
ejecting the most rebellious people as we
Yo. Lord Juler!
He was still talking.
I am not done exining how my people deal with dissidents, Joey Luciani.
Yeah, I know. But I just got an idea. Since we basically discovered super-fantastic magic, cant we just revive you or something? I mean, youve helped a lot so far. Sure, you also almost killed me with some very disrespectful statements aimed at the wrong people. But, overall, I can say Im here only thanks to you and the book. Cant we build a homunculus or something? Get you inside a body while we snatch away another soul?
Liches deal in that magic, not [Archmages]. Only the craziest [Necromancers] mess with souls, Joey Luciani. Im not exactly sure when, or even whether it will happen, but Im bound to disappear at some point. I have already dodged death long enough. If we tried to give me a new body, we would risk twisting my remaining sanity. And a new body doesnte with all my past levels. I would be a half-empty husk of who I used to be.
I mean, we could have fun together, Lord Juler.
Joey Luciani, are you being emotional? You dont need me. And I need to rest, atst. This is your era, not mine. Ill be here with you as long as time permits. And I doubt I will leave youzy around in the near future its going to take time before you get rid of me.
A distinct note of paternalism came through his voice, like a father speaking to his only son. It saddens me, honestly.
Are you crying? Oh, you must be scared, I hear Adriana say.
Oh, shut up! You are crying! I say, wiping my eyes.
Chapter 163: Pyromancer
Chapter 163: Pyromancer
Ok, I have to admit Im very disappointed. I was expecting much more than this. Look, maybe my expectations were too high. Yeah, maybe. But this ce is just
It has the same grit and dueling feeling a girls ser field has. Minus the hot single moms cheering for their daughters on the bleachers. So, what am I even doing here?
[Archmage] Marcus nods at me wisely from a stand with barely four rows of seats. Oh,e on. This is just humiliating. I mean, I dont want the whole tournament experience, but at least give me something!
The field is ridiculous and has wild grass growing all over it. The bleachers are pathetically small. Is this how my tournament arc starts?
When I look at the center of the arena, I can see my first adversary.
Its a woman.
Shes clearly overweight and has thinning hair and puffy cheeks. I have to say, at least she has red hair. Adriana told me my first enemy was a [Pyromancer]. Well, fire is red; shes a redhead. Also, she has a pretty cool robe and jewelry. Her robe is red again, yeah, you are a [Pyromancer], we get it. A big golden belt on her stomachdude, like who gives you fashion advice? Thats not a good look on you, girl.
But even from a great distance, I can spot two big golden earrings with rubies. Oh, thats a proper artifact now. Still a bit cringy with all this red, but it is what it is.
Yo! Is this it?! We just start fighting?! I shout toward the bleachers where Marcus and Stan are.
They nod, and I feel Adriana pass by me and walk between me and the woman on the other side. Adriana, unlike Marcus, has purplish scales. They are a weirdbination of blue and purple. When I say weird, I mean that they blend in very unusual patterns. Shes quite pretty, to be honest.
Ill be presiding all the matches today! Adrianas voice suddenly booms. Joey Luciani hase to the Nine Towers Academy to humiliate [Mages]!
What? What have Ie for, sorry?
He said he could single-handedly defeat every single [Mage] of his generation!
That elicits a storm of boos from the bleachers. Its bleachers where, in the best-case scenario, there are around a hundred people. How is this even a thing now? Where have I ended up? Is this WrestleMania? Is Adriana actually Vince McMahon? And why is she trying to rile up such a small crowd?
Dude, listen, I tell the woman, Can we cut this shit out? Im dead tired. I dont even swear usually. I just want to sleep.
Apparently, Joey Luciani cant be bothered by these duels! So much he says hell sleep through them!
What?
As I turn to the bleachers, I can see that Atticus, Lucinda, and Augustus havee too. Oh, thats nice. I mean, two out of three there are probably hoping Ill get killed or something, but still.
Are you ready for a battery of duels? So far, you have only used [Dispel] on my and the books spells. Thats not a great representation of real-worldbat.
Thank you for pointing that out seconds before the actual duels, Lord Juler.
If you want, I can take over and teach those [Mages] a lesson. You have important research to take care of. Even as a student of a Vanedeni, Id simply consider this below you. There would be nothing dishonorable in
Its fine. Its fine. Ive seen some people casting spells around here. If shes anything like them, its not going to be a problem.
Looking again at the crowd, I notice that [Archmage] Titus has note. Huh, hes probably still angry at Marcus, isnt he?
Worm! the fat [Pyromancer] shouts at me.
Yo, I wave. Also, Im unable to suppress a yawn. Oof, sorry about that. Ive not slept tonight.
HA! Were you pissing yourself, worm?
I mean, is this worm thing such big a deal? Like, why are Humans worms and Elves not? I could see Dragons or Werewolves calling a Human a worm for theck of scales or fur. But Elves?
Im going to destroy him! the ugly woman shouts to the crowd.
Ok?
He will beg for his life, and then I will stomp on his skull! she continues.
I look at Princess Laura on the stands. Shes on her feet, not sitting like the others. And, unlike what you would think, she doesnt have the kindest of gazes while looking at me.
Yo, woman. I think you are making my girlfriend, the Princess, jealous. She has stomping precedence on my skull.
Hes trying to intimidate me by putting royalty in the middle! But he doesnt know
Oh, dude. This is unbelievable. Come on, just shut up and lets get this started. I want to go back to bed. This is so contrived. Please, lets drop the act. This is not a McGregor match, is it?
Can we start? irritation starts mounting in me, more for theck of sleep than being actually offended.
The Human cant wait! Adriana keeps her cringy act up.
Should I kill the worm?! the [Pyromancer] shouts to a little group on the stands that immediately jumps up and starts cheering.
They want to eliminate you.
Yeah. I saw, Lord Juler.
You should kill the woman and make an example out of her.
Sure, why not. Lets just engage in casual murdering.
The rules are simple! Adriana goes on. The first to break the others shield wins! You can carry artifacts as long as they do not pose a mortal threat to your opponent!
Oh, so thats how it works.
I had actually forgotten to ask about the rules of duels. Shield-breaking? Man, this will be a piece of cake.
[Mages], raise your shields!
You know, I like some good smack-talk and tainting. Plus, its not like I have any intentions of letting this woman prolong the duel.
[Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shield]
I just create a small one, a foot by foot, shield at my side.
I think shes shouting something more, but Im done ying.
[Single-Minded Focus]
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I can see through my skill shes trying to conjure her shield. It looks like a [Fireball] spell badly distorted to form a sheet of fire mid-air. It would be a real pity if someone tried to
[Light]
[Light]
I put two matrixes inside her forming shield. The spell matrix that should have formed the shield distorts and dissolves into nothingness in a second. Looking at the spell, I notice a very distinctck of prity. Therefore, I basically put in two mas in session, creating a big distortion field. If you cant see your own matrixes, its basically impossible to understand what happened. Or that it has happened.
In fact, the woman doesnt even realize it for a few seconds. She just looks smug until she finally recognizes that her casting is taking longer than usual. Then, she furrows hershe has brown eyebrows? Huh. She dyes her hair, then. That could exin why its falling out, probably bad reagents.
Anyway, she tries again.
And guess what.
[Light]
This time, I only use one, and her spell matrix crumbles again.
Yo, cant you even cast a shied? I say while yawning and resting my body against the small shield Ive conjured.
Chapter 164: SIUM
Chapter 164: SIUM
The woman is taken away by the guards right in front of my eyes. Shes foaming at the mouth and thats not a euphemism, buddy. Mana exhaustion is a real thing. And guess what, drawing a spell matrix in the air is the most consuming part of the casting. Convenient, right?
Mana consumption is a direct function of pouring Mana inside your spell matrix. Thats why if you mess up, you are stuck with a pricy bill in one hand and your dangling parts in the other. Not the best, am I right?
You could have ended this cheap buffoonery much sooner if you had used even a simple [Light Lance].
Sure, why not. Lets add [Aura Lucis] and the other new skills on top of that. We might manage to kill a dozen or two before they even notice.
You said that.
Lord Juler was smart enough to pick up some speech patterns and sayings from me. But he used them only to mock me, obviously. The old goat has grown more and more brazen during our new research partnership for radiation.
Apprenticeship.
Whatever.
Man, Lord Juler, Im tired. Like, Im so tired I think I forgot all about our research. Like, so tired I could literally
You are being petnt, Joey Luciani. Ive noticed you have this tendency when you are exhausted. Just finish these duels swiftly and go rest.
Unbelievable. Me? Petnt? Says the one
I felt a whisk of electricity run across my skin, and I shut up.
Joey Luciani wins the first match! Adriana finally decided to announce my win. It took a while, didnt it? Her lovely Draconic eyes were darting back and forth in disbelief. I mean, not that I me her. Ive been ping-ponging the [Pyromancer]s attempts at magic with my [Light] spells. I could have gone on for several hours like that too. One might think that casting strong [Light] matrixes could take some real effort, but its still just a Tier 0 spell. Its the Tier 0 spell, to be precise.
Many on the stands have no idea whats just happened.
How Extra are we making this, Lord Juler?
You know, I had to take some time off during my research in Amorium, and I prepared some stuff toirritate? I really dont know how else to put it. Its mostly just for shits and giggles, but I bet that some people will really hate me after this.
I put my hand inside the bag of holding and take out one of the most American things you could think of. Its history is not American-American, just like every other American thing, but its still strongly associated with my country.
I slowly raise a big, thick, and wide piece of leather with a massive que at the center of it. This thing had to literally be enchanted with some [Featherweight] spell since I had the que cast in pure gold.
HERE WE GO, BABY! THE CHAMPION! THE STRONGEST MAGE OF HIS GENERATION! UNDEFEATED! UNBESTED! UNBELIEVABLE! THE ONE AND ONLY JOEY LUCIANI!
Sure, the first time around, I only shouted it. But I came more than prepared I took out a couple of big, metal boxes from my bag of holding. They cost me a small fortune, and I had to swear udius to secrecy. I also threatened to tell all thedies in Amorium he was a creep if he leaked anything. No one, not even Stan or Princess Laura, knows about this.
HERE WE GO, BABY! THE CHAMPION! THE STRONGEST MAGE OF HIS GENERATION! UNDEFEATED! UNBESTED! UNBELIEVABLE! THE ONE AND ONLY JOEY LUCIANI!
WOOHOOOO!
WOOHOO!
CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
I had my voice pre-recorded and amplified to whatever the maximum volume of these boxes was. I even gathered a small crowd to record the cheering.
Everyone in the stands goes ck-jawed. I slowly take my shirt off, remaining shirtless but not hat-less as any proper gentleman would and don my big-ass champions belt.
Now, you might think that this was it.
Well, thats where you are sorely wrong.
My parents watched so much ser even my poor mother and they forced me to watch it too. Even when the match was early in the morning. Or, sometimes, my father would just record the games on tape and make me watch them as soon as I came back from school. Consequently, I always ended up browsing through some ser news here and there. And if there was one thing that really got me about ser, that was how the yers celebrated scoring, particrly one of the most hated ser yers of all time.
So, I put the cringe tears in my eyes aside and start running toward the crowd. Meanwhile, the cheering from my metal boxes is still going strong.
As I near the stands, I jump up in the air, slightly swirl around with my hands crossed on my chest, and extend them immediately uponnding on the ground. And as soon as my feet touch the muddy terrain, I explode in one of the most famous celebration of all times.
SIUUUUUUUM!
With a bit of help from a simple [Loud Voice] spell, obviously.
Right after, I cup my hand to my ear, gesturing to the crowd that I couldnt really hear them. Lucindas face is beet-red, while both Augustus and Atticus are just staring nkly with pale faces. Stan isughing a bit, and Princess Laura is face-palming herself with both hands. [Archmage] Marcus is the only one looking at me with narrowed eyes and nothing else; the Dragon is just observing me with the most serious face in the world. Well, [Archmage], keep looking because Im going to whoop your little [Mages]s asses.
Only then did I realize that close to the [Archmage] were Lauras brothers. The royalty, the princes. Well, better let them know that their future brother-inw is no joke. Hes the biggest joke. Hehe.
And when its done, I simply walk back to my position. The boxes go silent with a snap of my fingers, and I keep a cheeky smile. Look, this is stupid and all, but now I have so much adrenaline in my body I feel like exploding.
You should keep the other half for the official matches.
Lord Juler has given up on my antics. And so, hes now part of it.
Yeah, yeah. I know.
Lets proceed to the second match, Adriana says.
Chapter 165: Overcharged
Chapter 165: Overcharged
Now, the chances of my second enemy being a [Pyromancer] are not that high, but neither are they low, right? But what are the chances of this man being a [Pyromancer] and being even fatter than the first? Like, is this the Nine Towers Academy, or is this a boot camp for overweight [Mages]? Next thing you know, Disney and HBO are making a documentary about this.
A very menacing young Danny De Vito look-a-like strides to his position, his double chin held high andcent.
You might have bested that shrew, but you are dreaming if you think you can do the same with me! Ill show you the difference between an ipetent [Mage] and one that has trained for a decade! You buffoon! That pathetic disy will not save you from
I stop listening.
Man, is this the Pokmon league? Did I miss something on the way? Like, how is this not the most clich response? Shouldnt there be more personalities among my opponents? Or are they all the cringy type of viin? I mean, maybe they were cherry-picked based on how much they hate Humans.
Mh. That could be.
Talking about Humanswasnt this ce supposed to be more multicultural
Begin!
Adrianas abrupt shout startles me.
The man has already conjured a ming shield and is quickly creating a giant and dangerous [Fireball]. Said [Fireball] never materializes. I was distracted when he made the shield, but now, Im here.
The [Pyromancer] tries to conjure [Fireballs] so hard Im getting worried. What if this guy has a stroke, and I kill him just like that? Man, I dont want an idiot like that weighing down on my conscience.
[Greater Chain sh]
This is my signature spell to take care of stupid monsters in the Dungeon. Monsters dont really have any way to dodge a [sh] variation to their eyes. And this is just brighter and repeated. Im immune to it by now. Lord Juler told me that even the most idiotic [Mage] should have wards against that type of attack. In fact, he went on a massive tirade about personal wards during duels. Thats part of the reason I was so sick on the trip to the academ
AHHHH!
Huh?
The man is on the ground, wing at his eyes.
Im blind! Im blind!
What?
I havent even put the [shes] near his eyes. I have learned my lesson from that time with Princess Laura. I wouldnt risk this idiot losing his eyes even if he looked like he ate pastries all day instead of practicing [Fireballs].
I look at Adriana, whos standing at the edge of the arena and looking at me with a stunned expression again.
? Wasnt I supposed to do that?
Is there a problem? I ask her.
Ahem! Joey Luciani blinds his enemy and wins!
Once again, I raise my big belt in the air and let the metal boxes run the chant. Then, I do the celebration once again while they ferry away the poor [Pyromancer]. That guy is going to hate light for a while.
This time, I take my time parading around shirtless and hat-full, with the belt above my head. I try to look as smug as possible, hoping that my personal smack-talk-cum-show will unsettle not just these opponents but also the actually dangerous ones. Yeah. Its tactics. I mean, 50-50. Part of it is tactics to make them underestimate what Im capable ofthe other part is just me being myself.
Ohhh. Shoot. I should have oiled up my torso. That would have made me look all shiny, Lord Juler.
Noted.
As soon as they sort some stuff out, my next opponent is announced. Apparently, three out of three are [Pyromancers]. And fat. Is this a thing? Am I missing something? Are they fat because they can cook stuff on their own? Do [Pyromancers] have something to do with burning calories? Like, their ss?
A [Pyromancer] doesnt need to be fat. Nor is there any benefit to it.
Well, thats an interesting lesson.
Why are they fat, then?
Elves. Like Teiko, they are a bunch of effeminate
And here we go with the casual sexism. I mean, not that you would expect any super-progressive stances from a medieval [Lord] and [Supreme Archmagus], would you?
As Im considering how to school Lord Juler on the importance of gender equality, something happens. Adriana has not announced the start of the match yet, but the fat [Pyromancer] raises a wand toward me and insta-casts a [Fireball].
Little piece of sh
Ive trained my reflexes with the goddamn book and Lord Juler, you bastard. Did you think you could get away with this just because? And this idiot has not even raised his shield yet! He just wants to hit me with a [Fireball].
Through [Advanced Mana Sense], I can see that his wand dies immediately after one use. In fact, the [Fireball]ing out of it is nomon [Fireball].
Thats a siege spell.
A [Siege Fireball] the size of two tall Elves starts moving toward me. I dont think I have to exin that if that hit me without any ward or protection on my body, it would cook me alive in less than a second. This is not something you use in a duel; this is something you use to kill.
Anger courses through my veins at the sight of so much pettiness. How can a stupid Elf try to kill me just because Im being an idiot? Whats in your head, sawdust?
And do you think you can kill me with a pathetic [Siege Fireball]?
[Siege Fireballs] are very slow, especially when cast from wands. The prity needed to move such behemoths is greater than one might think. And this idiot cast it in a straight line if you want to make it efficient, you should cast it high up in the sky and let gravity help.
The matrix of this whole thing is loose and shoddy, but its already in the real world. Theres no dispelling such a huge thing before it reaches me. I could have done it if I had been more distant. But, s, Ill have to brute-force it.
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Overcharged Prization Field]
Thats a sweet skill I have acquired while messing with photons and whatnot. And do you know what it does?
I overcharge the Mana in my [Advanced Light Lance], keeping it at its neutral element. Then, I shape an [Overcharged Prization Field] as you would with a portal. Think of it as a donut. And when [Advanced Light Lance] goes through it
Chapter 166: Kill
Chapter 166: Kill
[Single-Minded Focus]
As the [Siege Fireball] explodes in a myriad of small fires, Im left to ponder an essential query. Thankfully, the skill works so that it almost slows time downpared to my thinking. And being attacked in this manner has brought me not just anger but also rity. It puts my usual tomfoolery to halt to evaluate the stakes on the table.
So, should I kill this man?
People run away from questions like this because killing is often seen as the worst possible oue. But is it? Is killing someone truly the most ungodly act? This person just tried to kill me, right? So, why shouldnt I pay it back? Meh, thats just the first levelthe most basic consideration.
Lets take it deeper.
Even if this person lost his mind, was forced by the circumstances, or even by someone else, does he deserve to live? My mother would argue that that is a question only God can answer. Im not as religious as her, though. Therefore, I believe that Humans should take such matters into their own hands when confronted.
Would I feel bad for ughtering a man in cold blood? Yeah, I dont really consider this a fair fight. The guy is pissing himself, and he has no other attacks on the same level as this one, does he? I could probably impale him with a second [Advanced Light Lance] and if I overcharged it enough, not even an [Archmage] would save him.
Would I feel bad?
Thats the question.
And is that the question I need to answer? Like, is feeling bad the only reason we shouldnt kill someone? Is that it? I would probably feel at least a bit bad. But not too much, honestly. Maybe not at all. I mostly hope that I would feel somewhat bad. But something tells me that it wouldnt be the case.
So, whats another reason I shouldnt end his life right here, right now?
If morals are out, then I guess its ethics. Killing is bad. But why is killing bad, especially when you have a monster in front of you? Dont I kill things in the Dungeon because they would kill me otherwise? Is this idiot any better than a Dungeon monster? Maybe I could argue that Humans can always improve and stuff like that. Therefore, killing him without dishing out second chances would be bad. I could shout, yo, if you do it again, Ill kill you. But again, hes probably upset right now. Im not sure it would do much more than assuage my concerns and make my murder in cold blood feel more legitimate.
Lord Juler said I needed to learn the art of killing, of no mercy. Enemies will swarm me otherwise. He says that levels can only go so far and that the most important thing is for people to fear you.
Meh, not good enough.
It would help if I could humanize this person a bit. But even then, not killing a person out of pure guilt is a bit stupid. Even if this guy had children and a wife maybe he beats them. Maybe hes a shitty father and a worse husband. And even if he wasnt, he still tried to kill me for no apparent reason.
Should I ask him why he tried and kill him if Im not satisfied with his answer?
Meh. Very dictator-like of me.
You know what could be a good question? Is he going to hurt good people who dont deserve to die?
Oh, I like that. I really like that. Judging him based on what he would to me is a bit nuts. And there would be too many variables at y. Instead, if I knew whether hed already killed or had done other stuff like that, it would be really helpful.
As I go out of the deepest part of [Single-Minded Focus], I ask Lord Juler for help.
Could you cast a spell topel the guy to answer my questions truthfully?
Are you going to use that excuse every time someone tries to kill you?
Nope. If someone poses an immediate risk, Ill kill them. But this guy doesnt. Hes an idiot. As long as he doesnt try the same on innocent people, Im good.
Joey Luciani. He tried to strip you of your life.
He couldnt strip me of my socks, Lord Juler. Can you do it or not?
Lets just use a superior version of a truth stone. We dont want to show our mind-magic in front of an [Archmage]. You would either get executed or tortured.
Well, lets not do that, then. The truth thing is good.
Lord Juler takes control of my body for a couple of seconds before giving it back to me.
You will feel a simple tingle in your left hand if he lies.
Yo! Have you ever tried to kill or killed someone without a real reason? Are you really a murderer?
What?! Im not a murderer!
My left hand tingles.
Oh, shoot.
Hey man, have you ever tried to hurt innocent people because of greed, arrogance, or personal gain?
What are you talking about?! I have never done anything like that.
The hand tingles again.
Are you sure that this is working?
Without the slightest doubt, Joey Luciani. I wouldnt trick you if thats what you are thinking. Mindless ughter is not something a Vanedeni perpetrates. This person is guilty of all he just denied.
Well.
[Aura Lucis]
[Light Overcharge]
Both are skills I gained after the first dive in the Dungeon. That was when I went down to save Gaiuss and his teammates asses. Also, when the Vanedeni girl was obsessed with me. I swear, she even proposed to marry me a couple of times. And the Vanedenis do not joke around as much as you would think.
[Aura Lucis] makes all Light Magic stronger and pretty much blinds everyone besides me. It also produces other weird effects when it interacts with magic, but lets not get into it. [Light Overcharge], instead, is exactly what the name implies. Basically, it increases the amount of Mana that Light Magic can sustain. Theres only so much Mana you can cram into a spell before it literally explodes in your face. Well, [Light Overcharge] stretches that limit quite a bit. Its a supporting ability, but its pretty tight.
Joey Luciani is the winner, again! His opponent gets disqualified for not following the formats rules!
Two [Guards] start moving toward the man, but sadly, I have to act. I kind of feel awkward about all of this. And Im not sure thats exactly what I should be feeling
I point my palm at the man and slowly exhale.
Oh, and by the way, I wasnt done with skills to kill this guy. And Im not sure I told you about the new ones Ive recently gained.
[Overcharged Prization Field]
[Light eleration]
[Light-Bended Reality]
[Mage]! Stop immediately! I hear [Archmage] Marcus''s deafening roar.
[Overcharged, elerated: Advanced Light Lance]
A projectile that bends the limits of reality goes out of my hand and closes the distance between me and the guy in an instant.
Chapter 167: Crazy
Chapter 167: Crazy
See, the number of modifications I put on my spell meant that even if this guy had a pretty good artifact, he would still, most likely, die. And thats what he does. The modified version of [Advanced Light Lance] takes his head off his shoulders rtively cleanly. Or rather, as cleanly as a decapitation can be.
How dare you! Adriana shouts and raises a hand.
Yeah, sure.
[Light]
I destroy her incantation before she can finish it. The stands are going crazy, all probably very angry with me. I mean, I get it. I just killed a person, and Im not sure anyone had a problem with him being a murderer. Or maybe they didnt know. Hard to say. But one thing is for sure, no one likes a Humaning to an Elven academy and killing people during his first duels.
Adriana tries a couple of times more before a deep voicees from the stands.
Adriana. Stop.
[Archmage] Marcus doesnt do more than stand up, but the pressure of his aura is quite a thing. I mean, now that I activated [Aura Lucis], it doesnt feel like that much, but still. Hes an [Archmage], Im just a [Luxmancer].
I cant help but zone out for a second. This is one of those big what ifs everyone wonders about. What if you kill a person? What happens then? How do you feel? Personally, it feels like I just took a very difficult exam and aced it. I dont feel happy because Im too tired from the effort but I also dont feel any guilt. Or do I? Im sure a psychiatrist could shed more [Light] on this.
Human, you killed your opponent after the time ran out. The Nine Towers Academy does not condone murder.
He admitted to being a murderer for his personal gain.
And does that you mean you can kill him?
Yeah? I mean, I could have asked him if he would kill again, but he could have given me a muddled response. Its hard to anticipate your own future actions, [Archmage] Marcus.
The draconic humanoid stares at me long enough that I can survey the expressions of the others. Stan is pretty non-plussed not surprising, considering he was a murder machine until not too long ago; also, he just killed many people at court, didnt he?
Princess Laura looks at me with interest but also with a slight frown. Whatever the reason, I have no idea what shes thinking. She could be disappointed or proud for all I know. Maybe both?
Lucinda is the only one with a distinct reaction of horror on her face. It almost makes me feel better that shes reacting normally or how I would expect Humans on Earth to react. Killing is up there with the worst crimes Humans have evermitted. Only rape, torture, and a few others can im to be more infamous.
Well, the [Guards] will escort you to my
Oh, [Archmage], I really dont think so. You organized these duels, and either you or another [Archmage]
Lord Juler. Did you finish the trantions of the books we needed?
Yes.
You or someone else armed that idiot. I could interrogate your subordinates to confirm it. I mean, not that they would have direct orders from you or whoever ordered this, so Im not going anywhere. Much less to your tower. But dont worry, Ill still teach you the things you asked me to.
Im tempted to give [Archmage] Marcus my signature wink, but he doesnt deserve it. Also, I can see multiple people turning to [Archmage] Marcus with wide eyes. Being taught by a stupid Human must be a bit humiliating, right?
So, unless we want to dig deep and find out who had armed that person, I guess this is it for today? I gather you have all seen Im more than capable of whooping asses. Next time, bring me to a real arena with real opponents.
Being shirtless and with a massive golden belt around my waist feels slightly off now, considering I just killed someone. Meh, very off. Its ufortable, honestly. Maybe I am unsettled. Oof, thats good. For a second there, I feared I was a psychopath or something.
Oh, and Stanimal! I say to the stand where [Archmage] Marcus is silently fuming, get Domiti and Lucillus and lets go to an inn somewhere. Im not staying with your friend.
That worm killed an Elf!
Huh?
I turn to Atticus, Lucindas bf.
In moments like these, I wish I was ck. Why? Just to be able to use the n-word with this person. Like whats your problem, n-word? s, being Italian-American, I could saypadre at best, which is veryme. Also, Italians do not use that word.
Do I feel like murdering Atticus? Mh, not really. Thank God. Another sign Im not going full-murderhobo like a goddamn idiot.
Is no one going to do anything? Atticus says in disbelief, fishing out a wand from his sleeve.
Oh, boy, I say, preparing the spell matrix for a shield. If you use that, Atticus-boy, we will have a problem.
Hell, why cant people let me metabolize the fact that I just killed a man? Like, what the hell.
Lucinda, rein your boyfriend in. He can wait for the next battery of duels if he wants me to whoop his ass so badly.
Having said my piece, I turn around. Im still on high alert, expecting a sneak attack. Thankfully, my overwhelming disy seems to be a good enough deterrent for these idiots.
Against my better judgment, I start feeling contempt. I dont know why, and I dont know for whom. Its just pure hatred for this sort of treatment. In a deep corner of my mind, theres something screaming at these people, twisting my guts with an invisible barbed hand. What that thing might be, Im not allowed to know. But its stronger than my magic and stronger than them.
Maybe its my longing for justice; maybe its just the fact that no one seemed to understand what I was thinking. Maybe I wish people could hear what I thought or just glimpse at some of it. Or maybe, Im just going crazy.
And so, I get away from the arena, still in my ridiculous costume. Now, it feels somewhat decadent and dangerous. I feel like and God forgive me for this massive idiocy Im about to say a jester. Im not going to say the other j-word. But it feels like I can whisper the truth and hold hostage the great powers of this ce with my words. But Im still not powerful enough to take on any of them.
Chapter 168: The [Hero]s Dilemma
Chapter 168: The [Hero]''s Dilemma
It is unsettling. What? Killing.
Im staying at an inn, and rumors are already going around town. Hell, even the [Innkeeper] asked me if I knew the Human who just killed an Elf in front of an [Archmage]. So, yeah, things are going like that. Am I bothered by the mess? Not really. Thats not whats bothering me. To be honest, I couldnt care less. Id actually be happy if someone barged in here and started screaming or something like that.
Why?
Because I feel a bit jittery, thats why. You know how sometimes you dont realize you have had too much coffee until someone points out that you are literally shaking and tapping your foot at 200 mph? Well, no one told me anything like that yet, but I think thats pretty much whats going on with me. Whats going on here is that this whole thing is a huge mess, and I underestimated its effects.
I could cast [Calm].
No, thank you.
Thats not the first offer from Lord Juler, even though its certainly the most considerate. But anyway, I have noticed after sitting down that my mind is still going way too fast for its own sake. Its like my brain fluids are beingpressed by what just happened, and the fact that no one really said much makes me feel like I got away with murder too easily. I would actually enjoy dealing with a problem right now to feel less abnormal? I dont know. Adrenaline is pumping through my body, infecting my every tissue. And I dont like it. I dont like this agitated state. Im a person who does things calmly hell, being calm and uncaring is my brand. Here, instead, Im close to having a panic attack. And the more I think about it, the more it self-fuels.
But thats good.
I tell myself that all of this is good.
Murder shouldnt be light on your conscience. The fact that Im actually reeling from it means that I am sane or that I am not a real monster. It wasnt solemn, nor was it dignified. I sttered a mans brain on the ground like nothing. And I dont feel sick. I feel agitated. I feel like Imitted a crime, and I will be arrested for it, but not like I just did something bad. How is that for a change? And you know what, thats exactly why Im feeling like crap. The fact that Im guilty on a more ethical levelpared to a moral one. The fact that I have no problem with what I did, the fact that its my stupid body who cant take it and not my mind.
My mind is there, cid in a storm. Thats why I got the impression that I had actually been calm in the aftermath when, in reality, I was spiraling. Its just that some of my fears, the rules that my culture and society ced on me just evaporated. And part of me feels ted by the thought. Part of me feels free. In fact, what could be more human than killing another man? Its a grim thought indeed. But killing is what Humans have been in business for since time immemorial. So, is this feeling good, or is it wrong? Should I be feeling guiltier or less guilty?
How am I supposed to feel?
What the hell?
I open my eyes to the ceiling and a bright sun from the windows. The duels in the arena were fought at dawn. But the sun is high in the sky, and the clock on the wall signs midday which is 13.5/27 here if you remember about the time change.
You needed sleep, Joey Luciani. Your body naturally copsed.
Oh, you definitely put me to [Sleep], didnt you? I said with a snort.
Ill behave myself around a young [Mage] only the day he reaches at least the status of a [Grand Magus]. And maybe answers his own questions the day he bes an [Archmage].
Dear old Lord Juler.
But its true; now I feel much, much better. The horror of what I did is still there, but it gnaws at my soul with less abandon. Now, its a crouching tiger, ready to leap again at my first fall. But nothing is tearing me apart at the moment, and I can finally think clearly.
[Heroes] struggle with the weight of their deeds. Few Vanedenis ever stopped to consider if what they did was wrong or not. They still gave themselves a firm answer, though. Yes, they pondered. Many days years, even. And some always had such thoughts at the back of their mind. However, they became great because they still rode forward to what they considered right.
Lord Juler, I dont want to be disrespectful
But you will still say whatever disrespectful notion you just brewed in your head.
Theres a gap between my knowledge and your knowledge, ok? You saw a lot of shit. You participated in a huge-ass war. And thats very cool, mind you. But without having any direct experience of what you are saying, an empty speech like that could just be an Instagram caption under a picture of a big pair of melons and a toned tummy. I need to experience stuff. I dont know, maybe Im being unfair, but your speech right now isnt doing much. One day Im sure Ill look back and say, yo, Lord Juler was so right, man, Im a total idiot. But for now, I need to figure some of this stuff out on my own; only then can your words take on a deeper meaning. I have read too much to be amazed by someone saying that self-doubt is good, but you better not self-doubt too much.
Your wisdom does not befit your age, as usual, my student. But you are rushing your words. Let me exin myself in terms that might be more apt, then.
I remember you saying in the ancientnguage, Omnia Munda Mundis. Very fascinating. Especially when you take into consideration that ites from a magicless world without [Herous]. But no better words could describe the Heros Dilemma.
The what? I ask.
Heros Dilemma, Joey Luciani. The one reason millions of people of many races died under Mauser. The same reason one man became a monster while Princess Vris became one of the most shining mes. The Heros Dilemma could be summed up as your Omnia Munda Mundis, also known as Everything is pure to those who are pure. Mauser believed in such a principle without quarter. And Vris did too. They were two sides of the same coin. So, you could say that every [Hero], with or without the actual ss, has to believe so. If they dont, they cant be [Heroes]. You cant really be much if you dont believe you are absolutely right, obviously. But its especially true for a [Hero]. Thats the ss that is based more on belief and faith than [Priestess], [Druid], or [Pdin].
But the difference is that a [Hero] has a harder and easier job than them. He has not to believe in any superior entity, in any strange force. He just has to believe in himself. But we are mortal, Joey Luciani. We die; we make mistakes. We are not perfect.
So, what do you call someone who believes in themselves so deeply that they change everything around them?
A [Hero]. Thats what you call them.
Is this speech more adequate to your standards?
Huh, I guess it is.
After that, I spent several hours pondering those seemingly simple but actually convoluted and obscure words.
Chapter 169: Stew
Chapter 169: Stew
I spoon some food into my mouth. Its some meat stew that the Innkeeper raves about hes so proud his wife can make this meal. To be fair, it is pretty good. Almost excellent, Id say. The one thing that ruins my foodie experience is the stares of mypanions. Im not sure they are happy to have left Marcuss tower. Or maybe, they are upset for a different reason
Yep, I spent three days since the first duels holed up in my room practicing magic. And I have not been practicing for future fights. Nope, Im this close to finishing the guide for the radiation that, instead, is done. Now, I can kind of shoot gamma rays with solid control. That earned me a lot of levels and a new ss. But now, one of the most challenging parts of this journey is in front of me.
Joey, are you ok? Stan asks.
Me? Sure, why do you ask Stanimal?
Because you havent shown yourself in three days after decapitating a man.
Thats Princess Laura for you.
Stuff happens, I shrug while putting more food into my mouth. If you want me to be a good husband for the Princess, I need to buckle up and start cutting heads, no?
Im closer and closer to the bowl of stew, trying to fish out some weird veggies with this pathetically useless spoon. This spoon is t; how can a person use such a thing to
You havent taught me anything these days, I hear Domiti say.
She followed us here, but I have not taught her much so far.
Meh, did you figure out the first 23 Cantrips with the methods I taught you?
She shakes her head.
When you do, we can go ahead with the rest. Until then
I slurp the soup loudly from the t spoon.
The duels have been scheduled for tomorrow, Lucillus says.
As usual, straight to the point. Thats what I like about the man.
Thats good. I need to go back to Amorium to take care of Antoninuss mother. I have the solution now.
Also, I need some time to consolidate my sses into something else. So far, Ive had [Researcher], [Teacher], and my upgraded ss. But they are not bing one thing yet. I need to progress my research on magic and my teaching Domiti. Sadly, it will take time. A lot of time. And for now, Im stuck with these idiotic duels. Although, Im reticent to say Im actually starting to regret my antics with Princess Laura, Stanimal, and this whole farce. The more time I spend in this world
Many are angry at you for killing that [Pyromancer]. Tomorrow, some will ask you to duel to the death, Joey, Laura says.
I slowly exhale.
It is something I had considered.
Not just Elves, I bet. Some other races too?
Theres a half-giant and a Foxman who are particrly angry with you they are both first disciples of the [Archmages] here. Also, Adriana is technically part of your generation, even if shes much older than you. You embarrassed her, and shes going to gun for you as well. And considering your scorn for [Archmage] Marcus, thats another bridge you burned.
Good.
Good?! Ancestor, can you tell him how good his decisions are?!
I raise my head toward Stan, and when our gazes cross, even if its for just a second, I can see all the years that have gone over his body. Hes tired. Not like I am. We are two different breeds of tired. He has just done too much. I am simply not doing enough.
Its different.
Joey has to win the duels. Thats my one condition. If he believes that diplomacy with certain subjects is useless, let him be.
But Ancestor! Even the pce must respect [Archmages]!
Id like to say something mean, something angry. Im really not in the mood to discuss what her royal family has been up to since they rose to power. And Im not interested in hearing whos doing what and whos been doing what for how long. But I also know better. Lauras worried, and shes right. Im making lots of enemies with my antics. But Im also
Vespasianus used to say that great people shouldnt take offense in small acts. Joey mocked Marcus, but he did it rightfully so. Marcus set him up and provided that [Pyromancer] with a powerful wand. He might have crafted that weapon himself, actually. And Joey confronted him.
Its going to be tough, Lucillus said.
Ill need to show these rascals some good ol discipline, I smile at everyone else. And if [Archmage] Marcus wants to mess with me or Titus they are wee to try. But if Marcus believes that Adriana scares me just because shes a Dragon, hes wrong. Oh, by the way, how many [Archmages] are there at the academy, again?
Everyone stops at my stream of words, pondering for a second what Ive just said. Im not boasting, to be honest. Im pretty confident I can fry Adrianas brain if I need to. Not that I want to. But I wont let a bunch of bullies kill me just because, either. Sure, the prospect of ughter is not the most ideal
Officially, seven [Archmages]. Two towers are still vacant. No one had managed to conquer them over the past centuries. They are famous for being [Archmage] killers. And thats because, apparently, three [Archmages] tried to force their way up to one of the towers, even though its against the academy rules, and they all died.
Wait. There are two vacant towers? I ask, confused. Im pretty sure they already exined some of this stuff, but I have 100% forgotten.
If you conquer a tower, you be an [Archmage] of the Nine Towers Academy, Stan exins while stroking his silvery beard.
Right, where did I hear this again?
I told you.
Right.
Whatever.
Chapter 170: Target
Chapter 170: Target
Walking to this arena is not like the experience I had a few days ago. The ce where I fought first was a dump, a massive load of crap. Its the equivalent of a public high schoolpared to Harvard. But the arena Im looking at right now is ten times grander than anything Harvard could front.
You have to walk through the entire academy and go out to the back. As I mentioned, the academy is already a massive piece of architecture. But what I didnt know was that there were also ruins behind it. Apparently, the Nine Towers Academy changed a lot in appearance over the millennia yeah, its that old. So, behind the new Elven Sagrada Familia, theres a wealth of ruins, half-destroyed towers, and random architectural wonders as usual, am I right? Stan said that before the current era, the Nine Towers were not meant to be attached to the academy or have a precise disposition. Only muchter did it be a custom. Probably at the whim of a whiny [Magical Architect].
Theres a lot of savage vegetation around, signing off the lease of this ce at Mother natures expense. Plus, the rich energy seems to have evolved these nts so much that even [Mages] have to be careful around them.
My stomach suddenly rumbles.
Yo, Domi, did you bring some snacks? I ask the young girl, my [Student].
I have some rice and meat saved, Domiti says.
Suddenly, before I can stop myself, I start humming and whispering one of the silly songs from my childhood.
With my rice, I like to have some cow, cow, cow
Are you sure you want to go out like this? she looks at my attire with a hint well, no, not a hint shes massively worried.
Im a showman; what can I say? I give her my signature wink.
Its her and me. I asked everyone else to give us some time alone before the match. Princess Laura and I have barely spoken since we arrived here, and that made things between us weird as hell. However, Im good. Id rather not distract myself right before the match. And I wanted a few words with the young Elf anyway.
They will kill you, Domiti says, distraught.
Even after I made her sign a contract in blood, she doesnt really understand, does she? I taught her some powerful magic principles, even more than I have taught Lucinda. Much more. But the big difference here is that Domiti is not talented at all. She understands some parts of my magic, but shes clumsy as hell. So, even if I basically revealed to her the core foundation of my magic she has no idea how strong I am. She still cannot gauge how amazing her teacher is. And yeah, I know. Im so impartial I should be given an award.
They will try. And if everything goes well, all of this, I gesture at my clothes, is just going to create more openings. Angry people dont fight well. Plus, you know how good of a [Mage] your [Teacher] is, dont you?
As Im eating some of the rice, she suddenly hugs me. This is not the best idea, considering that theres only oneyer of clothing protecting my
Ahem, Domiti, I cough multiple times before she lets me go.
My mom will be super angry with me if you die.
She detaches herself from me but still stares me right in the eyes. Shes frowning, and shes on the verge of tears, the poor thing.
I know, I sigh andugh at the same time. I put a hand on top of her head as a father would thats the one thing Im not sure she has. Dont worry. Ill try not to kill too many of those idiots.
She nods at what she thinks she heard before frowning.
What? Dont you mean you will try not to die?
No, no. I mean, Ill try not to kill too many idiots. Theres no way they can even hit m
Oh, shoot.
Jinxed it.
Here we go; Lady Luck is already rubbing her smooth hands, probably looking forward to my suffering.
Anyway, we finally get in front of the half-destroyed tower we were looking for.
It took an hour on foot, and I can already see a lot of traffic in the distance. Thankfully, theres a separate entrance for the contestants. That means I can avoid most spectatorsing to see if Ill die.
There are many half-destroyed towers, but this one is definitely the most preserved. Based on what Stan said, even when it was an actual tower, the [Battle Archmagus] who lorded over it had it built in the form of a giant arena. Said character was convinced that [Mages] needed not to study, just a lot of experience. And hell, he was pretty powerful from what I gather. Also, thats a very cool concept.
It looks like the Tower of Pisa meets the Colosseum. Its a thing of legends, but with the upper half blown off by something that I dont want anything to do with. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Only something of cataclysmic proportions could have destroyed such a colossus. Its a behemoth of white stone, partially invaded by the otherworldly greenery surrounding all the ruins. Nature is slowly iming its territory back, daring to go even into the once-houses of the greatest [Archmages].
While the towers are hunched, destroyed, and sad, nature is still going at it. The green is as green as it gets. Joyful, it ys among ruins like children in a park. The fallen arches are its slides, and the caved roofs are its yhouses.
But while nature is strong and powerful, always with the upper hand on every other creature, Im simply uncaring. I heard it all whileing here: people telling me they would assassinate my ass on the way, mypanions saying I should forfeit. Even Stanimal, the once King Tiberius, is worried that I might have offended one too many bastards. But one person was just happy.
Really happy.
Arrogance is bred from ignorance, Joey Luciani. And the Vanedenis are not arrogant. They are just ready to die at a moments call. They bid their lives against everything else, believing that they would win. Thats the kind of faith that can make people into [Heroes]. Remember that, child, youll need it in the future.
Lord Juler approves of this weird hate they have for me after I killed a murderer. Or murdered a killer. I still believe it was in cold blood. Whatever, Lord Juler is convinced that this will be my baptism with fire.
But whats important now is how we will y this new level, this new scenario of ours. People expect to see a feverish Human with his tail between his legs. The entire citadel has been talking about me disrespecting [Archmage] Marcus. And that painted a target on my back or thats what they brought themselves to believe.
As I see it, there is just a swarm of targets all around me.
Chapter 171: Entrance
Chapter 171: Entrance
Do you know why Ipared this half-destroyed tower to the famous monument in Pisa?
Because it looms. Beware this one is straight. However, it somehow manages to project its shadow everywhere. All its entrances, in fact, are shaded. Isnt that freaky as hell? From what I gather, its the residual magic. Even if new [Archmages] secured this ce as their personal pet Colosseum, no one would mess with magic so great.
And if you think that magic just expires like putrid meat, you are sorely wrong. Once you be powerful enough, your magic is just like a McDonalds hamburger it can seeminglyst forever. Even if it has a hypothetical expiration date, reality just bends around it.
And so, we get closer and closer to this thing.
Good luck, Domiti says before we part ways. She has to go to the stands like everyone else. And thats because the door that leads to the entrance Im heading to is just for me. Even my opponents will enter from another ce. Yeah, this time, I gathered a little information from Stan on how these duels work. Also, they can ask to duel me till death, and I can either give up or ept. No middle-ground.
Watch closely, Domi, I wink at her with a sincere smile. But if it gets a bit gory, you are allowed to look away.
Thest part kind of brings my mood low. I know whats going to happen down there. If they try to kill me or challenge me to death, I cant back down. And knowing the atmosphere Im walking into, they will. But if they truly want to end their lives, Ill oblige. I took new responsibilities upon myself, and Im not going to renege them.
So, I walk toward this looming ce, half-decayed, half-grandeur in stone.
There are two massive doors in front of me. They are twenty times my size. Maybe even more. They are so massive theres no way any being Im aware of could pry them open. But they seem to be more of a message than a functional entrance. And this message has probably been lost in time. Its either because that [Archmage] wanted you to feel small or because he wanted you to understand the weight of your actions. You dont go through doors this big if you dont know what you are doing. Or maybe you are just a huge idiot.
Who knows which one I am.
I step through a small opening in the door. The two wings are not blown open. Theres just a tiny crack, a minor fissure in this mighty tower. And as I ponder about that, I find myself in a diator-like corridor that brings me to the arena.
As I pass the enormous doors, I can hear the chatter of the people in the stands. Hell, they are packed. I know that I have enemies, but this is unreal. It looks like the Super Bowl. And the actual battleground of the arena is massive. Entering here is like having to tear through a barrier made of sound. The loud shouts that touch me as soon as Im behind the threshold almost make me fall.
But I havee prepared. I knew that all the [Archmages] came here Stan told me they would. Again, this is way over the top for simple me. I suspect they came because of my possibly marrying Princess Laura because of the political implications. But I still cant see it. Ive never been a fan of politics or too strategic games.
Also, not possiblycertainly marrying, I chuckle.
Well, baby, its showtime.
Finally, the people start noticing. Despite their size, the massive doors are actually not visible to most spectators in the stands. So, all they can see is a small section of heads turning toward me.
Oh, my opponent is already in the middle of the arena, looking all heroic and ready to kill me.
Hehe.
Lets see who looks cooler, pal.
I still believe it was a waste of time we could have employed for research. Recreating sounds is not easy, Joey Luciani. So much time wasted
Yeah, I had to get Lord Juler to help me enchant these huge blocks of metal that I took from the market in a hurry. It cost me a small fortune, but its definitely worth it. Or, at least, I hope so. If its not, some merchants just sold off enough to level more than a few times.
As I just methodically drop the hunks of metal on the ground, I look again at the proper entrance to the arena. The massive doors behind me open up to a vast corridor that splits this part of the tower into two different sections.
Oh man, this is going to be loud.
I plug my ears with some wax I got from Stan and sniff with my nose. Its also getting a bit cold here.
As soon as the metal blocks are in ce, I chant a few simple words.
Before I can tell you what happens next, try to understand better the size of this arena, okay? We are talking, at first nce, about sixty thousand people in the stands. Thats a lot. Stereo imnts in a stadium this big cost literal millions on Earth. And the metal boxes Im using as catalysts for the simple scaled-up enchantment are rare. They cost several hundred golds each. As a side note, Stanimal will not be happy about that. Now, its not just about the cost. The cost is actually the boring part. Its more about the engineering part of sound management.
If you want sixty thousand people to hear something in a stadium this big, half-open to the sky, you have to be he loud.
When the spell finally clicks, I facent to the ground from the sound wave.
Yep, very damn loud.
But the most incredible thing is that the arena went quiet.
Its a few notes that are ying, just a few. And its on piano, the magical version of one, to be precise. I stole them from one of the most famous boxing icons in the world Iron Mike. They are ominous and booming also loud as fuck. My whole body is vibrating. But when I get up and start walking, I try to gather as much ir as possible before the second threshold; this one opens into the arena proper.
As people see me, they forget about booing for a moment. Im finally on the threshold, taking in all the stands, from the civilians to the very high podium where the [Archmages] are supposed to be sitting. I see Atticus, my first opponent, looking straight at me in awe.
And for one beautiful moment, I own the ce. Everyones looking at me, enraptured. The moment is pregnant with nervous energy. Everyones blood is boiling, and they can finally glimpse the shadow of whats about to go down. If most could look disappointed and slightly bored, forced by the [Archmages] and their superiors to attend, now everyone is looking at me with wide eyes, happy to be here.
Its in the air.
What, you might ask?
History is in the air.
A historical moment is before us. And we know it. A possible turning point for this era...
So, I let the loose boxers robe fall to the ground, showing my almost naked form in front of this theatre of blood and death. Im only wearing shorts and the massive scar on my abdomen. The rest of my body, even my feet, are naked. There are only some bandages wrapped around my lower extremities to avoid hurting them while walking up to this ce.
Its the attire you wear when you box, when you are in the ring with an opponent. When you know a big fight ising up.
So, the big hat and my shorts are the only two pieces of clothing covering my body. Oh, and the belt. Right. The massive belt with its pure gold te.
I take the belt from my shoulder and bring it over my head with both hands. And as I do that, the audience finally seems to be waking up from their very Human dream.
But before they can snatch away my moment, I say a few words, enhanced by magic.
HELLO THERE, ACADEMY; HOW YOU DOIN?
Their boos are strong, almost as strong as the music.
But I simply smile and keep the champions belt above my head, drinking in everyones rage and hate.
God, I have waited my entire life for this moment.
Small Update
Small Update
Yo, don''t panic. Every time an author writes an update people go into fibrition thinking the series is stopping. It''s not, don''t worry. I''m here to share a Patreon post that I made public with some updates. Long story short, I''m reworking some stuff and while most of that post doesn''t concern free readers, it might still be interesting to read.
I''m looking for some help with the world-building and we are doing that on Discord if you are interested under the think-tank channel.
Plus, it''s the first of the month and it''s always the best time for a Patreon plug. There are around 150k words up on Patreon. It''s meaningless saying how many chapters because from chapter 201 included every chapter is around two times (1600-2000 words) the length of the usual chapters. Same for every 25th chapter (4-6k words). This is one of the best months to subscribe to the Patreon also because I''ll be dishing out some Patreon exclusive improvements to the story and sharing the new web serial I''ve worked on over there ing to RR around the end of June/start of July). Plus, this is an action-packed arc and you''ll probably get to the start of another action-filled arc (on Patreon) before the end of the month.
Kisses, see you tonight with the chapter. If you can wait without subscribing...
Chapter 172: Presentation
Chapter 172: Presentation
Worm!
Thats the first thing Atticus shouts at me while Im walking with the belt still above my head through the boos, slowly and deliberately, toward the center of the arena.
I think that the Elf repeated the word quite a few times before I could actually hear him. The music from my metal blocks has finally expired, but the crowd is still riled up. They are shouting at me, hurling insults, snarling with foam at their mouths. Some of them look ready to jump down from the battlements and dismember me alive, to rip off the skin from my body.
I wink at Atticus as I slowly lower the champions belt and put it back in my bag of holding the thing is a bit too cumbersome to be worn during serious duels.
Suddenly, a shiver runs down my spine. I immediately turn my head to a specific point in the stands, but I cant see anyone. Its actually a half-ruined part where no one is sitting. Theres just a massive rock that has fallen on that part of the stands. But its like some kind of beast is staring right at me with ravenous eyes.
That artifact is almost relic-level, Joey Luciani.
Lord Juler brings me back to reality and Atticus.
The armor?
The [Supreme Archmagus] nods, spiritually speaking. Its more like a nudge, physically.
Indeed, Atticus is wearing spectacr armor. However, to me, it looks like a mix of spinach and bovine leather, but it is impressive Ill give him that. Its clearly not metal, but it shines like the most lustrous polished mineral. If I had to ce it in a story, its the kind of artifact a hero gets before he has to y the big evil monster. Sadly, Im the monster in this story. I mean, sadly for him.
The armor reaches his neck and envelops his head but still somehow leaves his long blonde hair flowing in the back. Weird. And not just weird
Im not going to lieit looks kind of gay. It looks like what K-pop girls would love to see their idols in. And thats not a ttering look if you are a man, gender studies or not.
Are you ready to die, worm?!
Woah, dude, I recoil. This guy has enchanted his voice a bit too much.
The crowd goes crazy at that. Not that I me them. He looks like a hero from a book, while I havent slept more than eight hours in two days. I have bags under my eyes, and I think my hair is a bit filthy. Not too much, but enough to notice. Plus, my scar and attire make me look like a homeless person with very shy shorts. Red sparkling shorts, if I forgot to tell you.
But being the underdog is the American way. Thats how we write books and make films, baby. From zero to hero, from rags to riches, from stable to stars thest one is an Italian saying. Anyway, you get what Im saying.
I look around, trying to see who the referee of this match will be, when what looks like an [Archmage] levitates above the arena.
Wee, everyone.
Its a woman. She looks hot from afar, but that could just be my bias for powerful women. She could also be an old hag from this far away, to be fair.
This is what many of you have been waiting for these past few days. A Human hase to challenge the young generation of the academy, iming he cany all of them to waste. Few people could be more arrogant than the dying Vanedenis. But we have a winner here, at least in that regard. And hes already dressed like a buffoon, it seems.
Woah. Did she just trash talk Lord Julers people? And why didnt she present herself? Am I supposed to know who she is?
I instantly feel this boiling angere out from inside my soul. Its not mine, as you can imagine. Its my teachers. But before he could say anything to me, I cast a quick and easy spell to amplify my voice.
Yo,dy, you are a bit nasty, arent you? But Im d to inform your old bones and everyone elses here that I carry the hat belonging to Lord Juler, [Supreme Archmagus], and its will. Plus, if I were you, Id stop talking smack if you dont want me to mop the ground with all your disciples!
A bit cringe, I have to say. But the arena explodes in outrage, nheless, and the womans figure seems to fade for a second. Then she reappears a few meters from me.
Oof, shes hot.
And angry.
But mostly hot.
She has white hair with a few deep bluish locks in between. Shes wearing a very borate mage robe with golden lines. But the most striking feature is a massive golden wheel of metal levitating behind her. Its clearly razor-sharp and slowly rotating, bobbing up and down behind her.
Are you disrespecting an [Archmage], Human?
Oh, shes an Elf. And tall. And did I say hot?
Goddamn Elves.
You were being quite rude,dy, I say with a smile.
Are you a Vanedeni, perhaps?
Shes back to speaking with her amplified voice so that the whole arena can hear us. And everyone starts booing. It seems that Lord Julers people are not so popr, are they? I mean, its understandable since they basically conquered the world and then just resorted to taxing everyone in spite.
Nope. Just a friend. But I do hold a debt to the Vanedenis. And I take my debts very seriously. Out of respect for them, Id like you all to tread lightly when you think of saying something like that in front of me.
Im tempted to dispel this womans levitation, but Id rather not have that huge wheel bisect me at the hip. Or lower. A shiver goes through my body at the thought of my poorher region suffering such a terrible fate.
Well, well, well. People of the Nine Towers Academy, do you have anything to say to this Vanedeni apologist?
More boos, as one would expect.
Yo, Mao, can we hurry up? Isnt there a whole queue of idiots like that one? I say while pointing at Atticus.
Let me exin the rules! she shouts while she levitates up in the air again. Therge columns at the borders of the arena hold powerful enchantments capable of blocking even [Archmage]-level spells and will keep you all safe. The Human will fight until he has Mana or until there are no more opponents. If you want to duel him too, ask the assistant of your [Archmage], and you shall be added to the list. Every participant can request a duel to the death!
She makes a brief pause, and the audience goes nuts, shouting their approval for my eventual death. Meh, no biggie. Id do the same in their ce.
The Human cant refuse to fight to the death unless he wants to be disqualified!
More shouts of approval.
Theres no limit on artifacts, relics, or other, as is customary in the Nine Towers Academy!
Very nepotistic, really. But I dont care. I have my fair share of good artifacts. And its not like I can just drop the hat if the rules said otherwise. Or I could for ten minutes? But how does it work; can you then
So, for the first round, the Human she interrupts my thoughts.
More boos.
Will fight with Atticus, the disciple of [Archmage] Titus!
Lots of cheering.
Meh,e on. Lets start this. My hands are getting itchy. And not just my hands. I made the bright red sparkly shorts from synthetic material. And Im not wearing underwear, if you catch my drift. But I cant just rub the handle during the match, can I?
So, start as soon as you hear the flute!
What? The what?
Chapter 173: Shield
Chapter 173: Shield
A flute. Yep. You heard me.
I mean, its cute.
But it doesnt exactly scream deathmatch.
I challenge you to a duel to the death, you worm!
You sure, Atticus? I have nothing against you, really. I mean, you are a douche, but Id rather not kill you just for that. Cant we just have a normal duel?
You killed an innocent Elf, worm! he shouts with veins popping from his neck.
Innocent? The murderer guy that some [Archmage] had ced there to kill me? Were you actually there?
Man, how are people this dumb? Like, how can a person be so blind? Has he been riled up by someone else? Is he just a puppet?
Atticus, listen to me, I go on, if you die, thats it. You have your whole life in front of you. But Im also not going to let someone trying to kill me off the hook. If you want a match to the death, Im killing you. But, if I can, Id rather avoid that. So, please, cant we have a normal duel? If you defeat me, then Ill concede a match to the death. What about that?
Are you mocking me, worm?
This worm thing is slowly getting under my skin.
Okay, I go up to him and extend my hand. For a second, he looks confused. Lets shake hands before I kill you, Atticus. To the death it is.
I grab his hand and feel the cool but strong armor on my skin. Shaking my head, I start heading back to put some distance between us. This time, theres no shield-breaking kill or get killed.
Its really frustrating. Why cant people be more reasonable? Why does he think he can win just like that?
To the death! the [Archmage] whose name I still dont know shouts. Atticus is wearing the famed Thousand Trees Armor! Its one of the few national treasures not owned by the Royal Family!
Well, thats why he thinks he can kill me.
Aim for the armpits. The enchantment on the armor doesnt cover that part.
Thanks.
Now, Atticus also takes out a massive staff taller than him.
Oh! Thats [Archmage] Tituss personal staff! A mighty relic!
The audience is a bit stumped now. Theres some cheering, but most people are just talking among themselves.
That staff augments his spellcasting but does not contain any preformed spell.
Yeah, yeah. I know. They think Im a fluke. So, parry the smaller spells, disrupt the big one at the start, and go straight for the kill.
Lord Juler has exined a thousand times what the best fighting strategies are. Hes obsessed with fighting. And Im grateful, to be honest. When ites to magical theory, few advance faster than me. But my fighting experience is stillcking.
As Atticus leans his body on the massive staff, he chants, and a big translucent shield envelops his body.
You better prepare your shield
A flute note goes off, and I find myself slightly distracted by Lord Julers words when something hits my side.
It doesnt just hurt like a bitch, but its also cold as fuck. As I lower my eyes, I see a rtively small ice spike piercing my side. I groan in pain, but the cheering is deafening. Everyone seems to rejoice that I have been hit without even putting up my shield.
How is that, worm?! Do you regret murdering Cassius, now?! Atticus shouts, entirely red on his face and already panting. This is how a true [Mage] fights!
Who?
The pain is terrible, and Im also losing abundant amounts of blood, but something trumps every single sensation assailing my body.
Anger.
[Single-Minded Focus]
[Aura Lucis]
Suddenly, my body explodes in a feast of lights, illuminating the entire arena. While I usually keep my aura suppressed, I let out the beast this time. It feels hot, as if the typically cool energy inside a [Light] was finally erupting in a world-ending storm ofva.
[Greater Chain-sh]
I cover the field in [shes], blinding everyone. Atticus, as I had thought, doesnt seem fazed by that. He has some artifact that grants him at least partial immunity. [shes] are great as utility spells, but they lose efficacy once your adversary knows what to expect.
Or thats what I want him to think.
[Light Overcharge]
[Overcharged Prization Field]
[Light eleration]
[Light-Bended Reality]
[Overcharged, elerated: Advanced Light Lance]
Usually, I would y it safer and be more lenient. But this bastard basically sneak-attacked me as soon as he was legally allowed to. So, its time to dance.
As thence shoots, I can see him sneering at the shes, but his eyes are partially narrowed. He cant really see, can he?
[Advanced Mana Sense]
The spell matrix is not finished yet, but Im not done casting. Instead, I take a good look at his shield and do something thats usually very taxing on my mind. Almost too much. Almost.
I cast [Light] ten times. And then ten times again. And again. And again. The strain is almost too much, and I can feel blood spilling from my nose and eyes. The shard of ice lodged in my side puts me in a universe of pain, but my mind is focused. Its single-mindedly focused on the bastards shield, on his hubris. He could have attacked again right after instead of mocking me. But he didnt. And its going to cost him his life.
I can feel the insane pressure multi-casting is putting on my brain, but I dont care. Breaking an already formed spell is hard but not impossible. Not technically.
I push and push, creating more and more [Lights]. Ill need a Mana potion after this, but who the fuck cares. I can feel the spell matrix of the shield starting to crumble, to dissolve into nothingness.
Its almost done.
With a simple pop, the borate shield that Atticus has cast disappears. But hes too busyughing at me to notice.
Chapter 174: To Death
Chapter 174: To Death
Death is anticlimactic.
Its not always fireworks and heroism. No, sorry, its rarely that. Its just a gruesome process that burdens everyone.
So, when my spell moves under Atticuss armpit and doesnt go out, contained by the same armor supposed to protect him I just sigh. The heroic Elf falls amid all the [shes] that are still going off and probably blocked almost everyones sight. Lifes unfair, isnt it?
My spell is still active and explodes inside the whatchamacallit armor. The staff doesnt fall it just stands over Atticuss dead body. Its a scene that doesnt fit his previous heroic stance but that he does deserve. Whatever malicious thought they nted in his head, he could have chosen to be reasonable. And he didnt.
The spoils are yours by the rules. You can also im the corpse.
Lord Juler exins another piece of information that I didnt know. It seems that [Archmage] Titus and whoever lent him the armor made a big mistake, didnt they?
So, I can take both the armor and the staff?
Following the rules, yes. Its customary that it should be returned if the equipment was borrowed. But its just a custom, not a rule. You should keep everything.
Once again, death is death, even when ites with loot. I dont feel much among the huge looming columns surrounding the arena. No, as I turn off the [shes], it just feels silly.
Not even the audible gasps of the audience help me get in touch with reality while I walk toward Atticus.
I put away both the corpse and the staff in my bag of holding. Ill probably have to wash everything I hold inside there; or not. Im not sure how it works. Ill return Atticuss body to his family as soon as I have the asion too.
Now, theres silence.
Thank God you dont really have to touch much of a body to put it in a bag of holding. The strange process kind of looks like teleportation. Or sucking in a piece of spaghetti.
Oh, right, I almost forgot.
I take out the belt, trying hard not to touch the body while rummaging in the bag.
I raise said belt above my head, but this time with no music, noughter. I just stare while slowly turning to take in all the people in the crowd. I look at them with a serious expression, somber. I hope they can see the whites of my eyes. Because now I dont look like a buffoon anymore. No, the ridiculous costume Im wearing makes my point even scarier. It fills them with dread to know that such an idiot has just killed a mighty Elf armed with a goddamn Relic.
If theres a collective nightmare in this arena, it looks just like me.
Joey Luciani, let me.
Even before hearing his voice, I can feel Lord Julers magic mending the wound at my side. I did learn some healing magic, but I have yet to master any spell. Therefore, he takes care of it to avoid messing up the wound. Im also tempted to drink a Mana potion, but I wait. The spike of ice finallyes out after a few seconds, and as it drops to the ground, I can breathe out with relief when the pain slowly disappears. Its incredible how that piece of magical ice still hasnt melted one bit.
That was unpleasant.
[Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shield]
I raise a very thick, threeyered shield around me. Then I raise another, just to be sure. Atticus had yed dirty, and Im probably destined to see much more of that.
Theres still some smugness on the [Archmage]s face. I mean the woman with the big golden wheel behind her.
They think they have seen your best moves now that Atticus provoked you. I dont think its below those [Archmages] to have nned for this. But if they believe that that was the only or the best weapon in your arsenal, they are wrong.
Oh, I know they are wrong. But I still frown. Why are they so antagonistic? Whats their goddamn problem? Did they rile Atticus up to cause a scene? Was that ice shard even Atticus? Did he use an artifact that I couldnt see? And what have I done to these people that they hate me so much?
The majority of the [Archmages] in the towers are Elves. Even if they are not, they have ties with the Elven Kingdom of Lucerna.
What kingdom?
This kingdom.
Right.
And so, if you turn out to be a real threat, which they are clearly not underestimating, you could undermine their political power.
I mean, I dont really see that, but okay.
Yo, are we announcing my victory?
You shall return your opponents body first.
Oh, I dont think so. Ill keep the stuff and bring his body back to his familyter. But first, I say you all killed him by being massive assholes. What about that? And the ancient
Fuck, Lord Juler, are we sure these rules are still the same?
the ancient rules still stand. The spoils go to the victor. And the body if he ims it.
Silence.
The [Archmage] hesitates for a second.
Then she nods, slightly unconvinced.
Oof.
I was sweating bullets there, woman.
I put down my belt and walk back to where I was standing before.
So, next one, I guess?
The second opponent shall enter! the announcer seems to have regained herposure.
Also, isnt the use of shall a bit too much?
When I see my next opponent, though, the hrity dies in my throat.
Lucinda is slowly walking to the center of the arena.
As she closes on me, she enunciates the words very clearly.
I challenge you to the death, Joey.
Chapter 175: Inexplicable Love
Chapter 175: Inexplicable Love
I challenge you to the death, Joey.
At first, I thought I didnt hear correctly. I mean, either that or she just lost it.
Come again?
I challenge you to the death, she says with steely eyes. Her piercing gaze pokes a hole through my heart, through what Ive felt for this woman. See, Im not one to hate my exes. Not too much, at least, just the right amount. With Lucinda I dont know. First, we didnt have closure. Second, shes still hot, and I think shes still funny or whatever. Also, shes a Humanan Elf, I mean. Not a bad person. She is just an average petty person who saw an opportunity to strike it rich also, shes young.
But whatever, its time for a reckoning, I guess.
Right, to the death... Is this because I killed your new boyfriend?
I challenge you to the death, I said.
No? Yes? Cant you answer that question?
You are a spineless coward, and spineless cowards deserve to die.
What? A coward? Why am I a spineless coward?
For a second, her eyes seem to flicker to the side, looking up. But shortly after, so fast it possibly didnt even happen, she just looks at me again. What the hell? Has she lost it? Is she so hurt by the fact that Atticus has just died? Or does she simply hate me? And should I ept?
You fight with no honor, she goes on.
Because I got the corpse? I want to give it back to his family. I dont trust these [Archmages], Lucy. Whats the problem? Would you prefer getting the body? I mean, if you know the family, you will save me a bizarre exnation. Plus, Im not sure they want to see their childs killer on their doorstep.
I go closer to her.
The Human is hesitating! Hes scared! After he tricked the disciple of [Archmage] Titus, hes now reluctant to ept a new challenge!
A new wave of boos washes over me, but I simply keep walking. I uncork a Mana potion and down its content like a vodka shot. A big shot. As my reserves fill up again, I finally get a few feet from Lucinda. As I stare into her eyes, I notice that they are somewhat ssier than usual, almost blurred. Im already tired of this shitshow, but I have not be an idiot.
Lord Juler, is she under some spell?
Im already checking, Joey Luciani. Keep her busy for a little longer. There are some powerful wards around her. Judging just from their presence, Id say yes. But lets make sure. She could also be carrying a suicide device to kill you both. Thats what we did to assassinate some unpleasant idiots back in the day. Strap an exploding device to a disciple or a family member and blow them up as soon as they are close.
Thats not reallyforting, is it?
Distract her.
With a sigh, I look around. How do I lose some time?
You still got a nice ass, I wink at the woman.
She barely reacts to myment, just staring straight ahead. The only indication that she actually heard me is a slight frown that she quickly wipes off her face. Her lips move, but nothinges out on the first attempt.
Worm.
Thats what she says, huh?
Two nice big buns, really. Also, Ive always loved your massive badonkers. Theres really a lot of potential there. You should consider dressing less conservatively and getting thinner tops with a [Cold Air] enchantment of sorts. That would really distract me in a duel to the death. So much so you could almost win, you know?
Still, no reaction. Lucindas not disgusted or upset. She just keeps looking straight into my eyes. The fact that not even the slightest re of anger went through her pupils is a big red g. Lucinda hated when Iplimented her chest in a lewd way, even when we werent precisely fully clothed together. Apparently, [Mages] are supposed to be more elegant and slenderer in her own opinion.
Meh, big milkers for the win, buddy.
So, are you epting the duel, or are you running away?
At this point, Im pretty sure that someone screwed with her mind magic or whatever.
You know what? If she can hear me, as some of her body reactions suggest that she can, why not clear the air? At least Im not going to waste words or be charged with sexual harassment.
You know, if it had been up to me, Id have stayed with you. If you had wanted to know more about my magic, I would have told you. I would have taught you as much as you wanted. I would have given you everything, even the power you so relentlessly seek.
Lets embarrass someone.
Also, I know that you exchanged the magic I taught you for an apprenticeship with [Archmage] Titus, but you could have done better. You could have simply learned from the best instead of a man who cant cast [Fly] without smashing his face on the ground.
Some outraged gaspse from the stands, but theughter trumps them all. The fact that an [Archmage] has face-nted mid-spell has been part of the city gossip for a week. But no one would be so foolish as to make fun of [Archmage] Titus publicly. Well, at least not those who are afraid of him. But Im not.
The Human
I cast a few [Light] spell matrixes up in the air, effectively cutting off the magic the [Archmage] up there is using to enhance her voice. Im getting tired of her antics. Before resuming my speech to Lucinda, I feel something on my neck. Its that ominous sensation once again. Its like something is gunning for me. Or someone. I dont know. But I do feel like clenching my lower hole a bit.
This pathetic academy is using you, Lucinda. Two people have died already because they were probably psyched up by whoever sent them against me. Imagine being so cowardly that you cannot take this matter into your own hands. Or imagine being a goddamn [Archmage] who needs to lend out his own Relic to ensure that the hated Human dies. Isnt that pathetic? Isnt thatughable? Isnt such a man a hopeless fool?
Now, the atmosphere has changed. A few auras appear from above. They are the angry [Archmages]. The pressure is almost unbearable.
Almost.
[Aura Lucis]
As I activate my skill, being careful not to direct it toward Lucinda, as it would blind her, I feel my body dpress.
So, worm, do you ept
Kill her! Shouts a familiar voice in the stands.
As I turn my head, I see Princess Laura grabbing the edges of the protective battlement. Shes fuming,pletely red on her face, and her eyes popping out.
Kill that whore!
Her neck appears inted even from this distance, and shes convulsing like a madman.
Have I made a mistake there too? Have I been too rash?
I dont know how thats possible, but the next thing I hear is a potent squeal. I look, and next to Princess Laura, theres Lucillus with Princess Bianca in his arms. Even the pig seems angry.
I dont know. Maybe
I feel a whiff of magic from Lucinda, and I immediately shut her off. I start dispelling her magic, and I close the remaining distance between us. I grab her by the robe. Shes as tall as I am, and we stare into each others eyes.
I start speaking directly to her face in a lowered voice.
You know, I just wanted to love you. I wanted to spend my time with you. I wanted to grow old and silly my dream was getting so old with you that one day, we would hear music from an establishment below our house or maybe a little city event. But my joints would be too swollen at night to move downstairs and wade through the crowd. Then, you would tell me that we didnt need to go down to dance, that we could have a dancefloor in our living room. And so, we would start dancing with each other in the middle of the living room while listening to the music from below. And I would look at your beautifully smart eyes and know that I had made the best choice in the world, that even after all those years, you were still thinking about what was best for me, and that you would still renounce something for me. I just wanted for us to be happy, Lucindathats all Ive wanted for us from the start.
She doesnt move during my speech. She just stares directly at me with her listless gaze but as Im almost done speaking, something changes. She doesnt recoil or make a big movement. But a single tear rolls down from her eye, utterly antithetic to the rest of her.
So, Worm, are we fighting?
Her voice now sounds more mechanical to my ears, much faker than before. The veil has been pierced, so to say.
I exhale.
I loved you. And part of me still does. I think you just made a mistake somewhere. One mistake. And that you are actually much kinder and better than you give yourself credit for. But that will change the more you stay in this nest of vipers. But dont worry, Im going to take care of you. Even if its thest time.
Shes under the effect of powerful Mind Magic. Its the kind of magic Dragons do. It will take time to undo it - I can take care of it, but I need time. Let me knock her out first.
I nod, and Lord Juler casts some subtle magic that instantly puts Lucinda to sleep a secondter. As she risks falling, I slip my hands under her legs and hoist her up in a princess carry. Her delicate sleeping face is clearly perturbed by some instant nightmares, and she seems to whisper something in her sleep.
Joey.
I close my eyes, trying to calm myself.
I fail.
I look at her face before doing what Im about to do. Shes so beautiful. I mean, shes also a bit heavy Iugh to myself. Those buns are hard to carry when you barely do any physical activity. But more than heavy, shes just beautiful. Shes like a statue froma funny thought hits me. She should have been the model for Canovas Venus, not Pauline Bonaparte, the sister of the famousmander who was actually pretty ugly. And even though Canova was the greatest artistic master of his time and one of the greatest ever, theres only so much you can do when working with a subpar model. But thats not the case with Lucinda: she would have done justice to Venus. And if that Goddess truly existed, she would surely be jealous of her, maybe even turn her into a frog or something.
A frog I would have surely kissed to bring back as a Princess.
Sometimes, realizations hit you at the worst possible moment, dont they?
And, unlike some think, not all truths are good. Neither is knowing the truth.
And here, the truth is that I like LucindaI love her, still. I can only see her sleeping face, disturbed by God-awful nightmares probably caused by the spell she was put under. Not every truth is good orfortable. But one thing is for sure this is the truththe one Im holding in my arms. Only a few will understand if I ever get to tell this story. But some will, Im sure.
Lord Juler doesnt say anything while Im lost in thought.
In the distance, I can hear some boos and the voice of the floating [Archmage], but its all remote. Its just a whistle in my ears. Its no more than a background buzz while my heart drums up to my brain.
I can barely recognize my voice when I speak.
Marcus, you low life. You bastard.
I cant move as easily as I want with Lucinda in my arms, and therefore, Im just a shivering mess of rage. Its like a puddle of ck fury was slowly taking over my veins, darkening my insides. But it struggles against my stiff posture, banging on the inside of my ribcage, asking to get out at any cost.
You enchant a person to do your bidding? To manipte me?
You dare to do so just because you are an [Archmage]? Did you think you would gain anything from this small political game? Just because you think I cant take your pathetic life? Otherwise, why would Lucinda do this when I just killed Atticus, who wielded two goddamn Relics?!
Oh! The Human is going rogue! Hes using none other than an [Archmage]! Hes in a fit of
I cut off the levitation spell of the [Archmage] presenting and even her [Loud Voice] with a simple thought. I dont even notice as she uses the golden wheel to stabilize herself in the air after almost crashing to the ground. But now the crowd is silent, with some whispering that maybe the Human was right, that a Dragon has just hurt an Elf for his personal gain.
Come down, Marcus. Ill show you how a goddamn [Mage] fights!
Thest words echo through the arena and make everyone recoil from the soundwave.
I keep looking up at the podium where the [Archmages] are hiding, that useless lot. Nothing is on my mind, if not murder. I dont care how: Ill kill that bastard. Does he think hes superior to others just because he has scales? Does he have any idea what kind of magic I have ess to after perusing his archive?
But I see someoneing down the corridor from where my previous opponents havee.
Joey Luciani, I challenge you to the death, Adriana speaks loudly and looks at me with contempt.
And before I can say anything, she lunges.
Chapter 176: Fallout
Chapter 176: Fallout
Im looking at Adriana speeding up toward my shields when a thought strikes me.
[Single-Minded Focus]
In Human legends, Dragons are sometimes honorable and mystical. But the very origins of their story are different. Dragons are creatures that exemplify tyranny and evil, the representation of Humanitys greatest fears and sins. They are the ultimate punishers, the primordial ones.
When I look at Adrianas elongated and sharp features, I can finally see that. Her humanoid form is not protruding forward, but its going down like a serpents triangr head. Her eyes move fast with whip-like movements, not slowly and wisely. Her entire body is not imperious, just sinuous and mmy.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
As soon as the world changes to pure energy, I can see patterns of snaking bolts around her body. They criss-cross her chest and legs, going back and forth to her arms. They are primarily red and blueish, but they also have some green.
Body enhancements, I smile.
And with but a thought, I wipe them out. They areplex spells that require fine control to attune to your body''s natural state without wreaking havoc on it.
She stumbles and almost falls forward before regaining her bnce its not easy to regain control after losing the strength and agility she had summoned. Her stare could probably melt rocks, but she has no idea who shes going against. And this is definitely not hybris. Im just conscious of where my power stands in the hierarchies of this world, especially when fighting a great evil.
I [sh] once in her peripheral vision beforeunching an [Overcharged Advanced Light Lance]. She crouches to avoid being blinded, proving that her decision toe into the arena was made on the spur of the moment. Otherwise, she would have gotten some enchantment to protect herself against my blinding [shes]. But when my attack collides with her chest she just shrugs it off.
And then
ROAR
Its deafening, and I almost fall on my back. But I move Lucindas body forward, using her as an anchor to stand straight. I feel ancient fear at the edge of my perception its hard to describe how terrifying but also blurred it is.
Im a Dragon! I wont let a lowly Human insult Master Marcus!
And then, her maws shine.
Its time, then.
I have not perfected this technique. I would not use it to cure anyone yet. But I can certainly kill someone with it. I wont lie to you, its very cumbersome on my Mana reserves since Lord Juler and I didnt refine the spell and we have yet to make the overall process more efficient. But Ill be damned if I cant take care of an arrogant bastard lizard.
I conjure twenty-three [Weighed Lights] yeah, a new skill all around Adriana while shes preparing to breathe fire on me. But not knowing what wille her way, she simply ignores them.
[Light Overcharge]
[Overcharged Prization Field]
[Light eleration]
[Light-Bended Reality]
I start stacking skills on top of each other to create the bremsstrahlung effect when impacting the ten [Weighed Light]. See, there are many superimposed waves of [Light] that Im generating and amplifying through the skills, but they have to impact specifically the [Weighed Lights] to create gamma radiation. And before that
Adriana discharges her fire, a green inferno on my [Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shields], but they hold for the moment.
Good.
I create an [Overcharged Prization Field] around Adriana and use the knowledge from ourtest research we made with Lord Juler to create the guide. In the energy world, through my eyes, I can see her body much more clearly, including her vital organs. Her brain is simr to the Human one. The guide works as an extension of my [Advanced Mana Sense] its basically an amplification of the natural prity in the electromaic fields that Mana generates inside the body. I individuate the biggest internal vessels in her brain; then, I move the [Weighed Lights] and the rest of the other [Lights] I have looped around the correct coordinates in the energy world. One would think that this operation requires your target to stay still, right?
[Tracking]
Neat skill, if you ask me.
Usually, its used to keep an eye on targets and aim better. Its not that powerful unless you have what I have. Now, all theponents align on their own to follow the minute movements of Adriana.
I can feel the massive drain on my body, and I fear Ill ck out after this attack. Ive yet to experiment with the final product in the field.
The [Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shields] start disintegrating, and I can feel the insane heat around me. Im sure that theres also a toxic element in her fire. My breath elerates, and my lungs start to sting. Its weird being this close to dying, Ill say.
The calm before the storm.
Moments before my shields totally copse, Adriana relents, out of breath. Literally.
I shall give you the opportunity to
Oh, here we go.
I push all my Mana to break the looping [Lights] and
Adriana stumbles forward with a confused expression on her face. She looks around with a frown while I dispel all the [Lights], [Weighed Lights], and so on. My eyes are cking out, but I cant fall. Even though I can barely see now, missing the exact moment Adriana falls to the ground after I punched two small fissures into her brain, I still stand tall.
There are twenty-three perfectly round holes in the translucent shield thatpletely covered her body. Now, the shield is slowly fading away, and one can see where the gamma rays disrupted the natural flow of Mana or better, obliterated it. Radiations generated from Mana are a natural [Mage]-killer.
In the slight reprieve from my ckened sight, I can see Adrianas fall.
Lord Juler, a little help.
Lord Juler levitates one Mana potion after another to my mouth, and I drink three before my body begins to feel normal again. The arena is whispering. Everyone is looking at Adriana, uprehending. See, radiation is invisible. Also, I need to figure out how to avoid dosing myself and nearby people. Actually, Im not sure about the dispersion since this is magically generated further experiments are required.
But as I hear a deafening roar from above, I can also hear something in my head.
[Conditions for Unique Skill Met!]
[Creating Unique Skill: Gamma-Knife!]
Chapter 177: Ugly
Chapter 177: Ugly
[Gamma-Knife]
Thats an awfully short name for a spell so potent, Joey Luciani. Great spells and skills usually have longer names. Or just your name. But now, Id worry about the [Archmage].
I look above and see [Archmage] Marcus descend like a meteor in his humanoid form. When he ms to the ground, debris shoots everywhere. He immediately crouches beside Adriana and puts a w on her face with a frown. A sh appears under his hand, and his eyes go wide. Theres tenderness and rage in his gaze, while multiple expressions of disbelief also cross his scaled, horrid face.
What did you do?!
Were they lovers? Was he
Man, should I try and kill him right here and now? Im not sure I can take a goddamn Dragon whos also an [Archmage]. That might be a bit too much, even for me. Currently, at least.
She challenged me to the death, I say while hoisting Lucinda up. Funnily enough, keeping Lucinda in this Princess carry is definitely the hardest thing I have done today. Elves are not short and petite. They have muscles. Not that I mind squeezing those thighs again, though.
How did you kill her?!
I sigh and enhance my voice, ready to make a case out of this.
Are you interfering in the duels of the younger generation, [Archmage] Marcus? Isnt that shameless of you? Your disciple attacked me without even letting me speak. I am still holding in my arms the person you personally put under a spell. What makes you believe that you can touch my spoils of this battle?
I look at Adrianas corpse. Im not against the idea of gathering some Dragon materials. Even better, Id be ted to do so. If all Dragons are like these two, Id be happy to fucking eliminate them all.
Anyway, Im hoping that him trying to keep it together in front of this many people will deter him from doing anything stupid. But, if he doesnt care about his reputation or what others might do, Im screwed.
Do you have any idea who you are speaking to? Do you think a Dragon would bow to an arrogant child? Ill pry that pathetic magic out of you by simply extracting the brain from your dead body!
Well, it didnt work.
I mean, do you seriously think I cannot kill you? Right here, right now? Do you think that I only have one trump card? If you want to bring me down, you better bring your A-game, bitch.
I start preparing the spell matrix of thest ace up my sleeve. I have only one thing left that can save me from being vaporized by [Archmage] Marcus in an instant I have no idea what his exact capabilities are, but
Wait.
Arent I forgetting something?
I turn to the stands, where all mypanions are looking at me with shocked faces. All but one.
Yo! Stanimal! Care to help me with this idiot?! I shout to my administrator. I mean, hes strong, isnt he? Id rather not fight against all these idiots alone.
Plus, Id be curious to know what dynamics I have created now. I mean, so far, I havent really done anything strictly illegal, have I? Not like the Dragon isnt eager to eat me alive all the same. But what am I to be med for? I even saved Lucinda!
Judging from Princess Lauras fiery expression, I guess that wasnt something she appreciated. Not that much, at least. But even she turns to Stan, pleadingly looking at her ancestor. But she doesnt really look ready to jump up and fight with me, does she? Whatever. If theres one person who might prevent a bloodbath, its Stanimal. Yet, at the same time, I have a terrible feeling. I know Stan doesnt like to get involved, but he wouldnt really abandon me just like this, would he?
Luckily, he gets up and speaks loudly from the stands. Although, what he says leaves me disappointed.
Marcus! Lets not interfere with the young generations! He defeated Adriana fair and square! Back down and save some face!
Meh, I appreciate the effort. The problem is that [Archmage] Marcus doesnt really seem to care about saving face. And hes not listening. Hes just looking at me like you would at prey or a fuming piece of kebab on a very drunk night. I think he would rather kill me and deal with the consequencester. Now, can I take a massive Dragon whos also an [Archmage], probably level 50, if not higher?
Not likely.
Yeah, I agree. My dispelling ability is good, but it can only go so far when going against a hugely overpowered individual. If I have to fight Marcus, only a very fast [Gamma-Knife] could take him down. And even if its super powerful, it takes around thirty seconds to cast. Theres a good chance that this idiot [Archmage] would vaporize before then. And I cant really distract myself too much with dispelling stuff while Im casting.
I wanted to gut you the second I saw that filthy hat on your head. If theres one thing Im happy I lived through, its the fall of those arrogant little shits. We should give more credit to the Sirens for dealing with Julers bastard kind.
Well, looking at Stanimal, it seems that hes not willing to jump in the line of fire literally. Thats... disappointing. Not even Laura seems ready to do much else than stand there and look like a tool. Im here alone, on my own.
Young Luciani, leave it to me.
Im ready to ept Lord Julers proposal to fight on my behalf as I see [Archmage] Marcuss body mutating.
Im sick of keeping this form. Ill have you look at a superior lifeform before I kill you.
And with that, the [Archmage]s body starts shifting and changing. His scales slide onto each other, covering his humanoid form and creating new ones out of thin air. His body bloats and expands, getting bigger and bigger. Let me tell you; its not a pretty sight. Its like a newborn abomination was being birthed from an invisible alien incubator.
In a matter of seconds, I find myself looking at a not majestic creature. Not majestic at all. His head is t and looks like the bastardized version of a Parasaulophus, the dinosaur. Or maybe a very ugly pterodactyl. His body is not strong and grand but thin and snake-like. His ws are crooked, more pointy than sharp.
Marcuss whole form looks more like a Dragon copted with an eel.
Hes quite ugly, I cringe as I look at [Archmage Marcus].
Chapter 178: Tragedy
Chapter 178: Tragedy
Two thingse to my mind while looking at Marcuss hulking form. For a second, my rage is forgotten.
Number one, wasnt I supposed to fight a Foxman? And if Foxmen exist, are there Foxwomen? Or is Foxman the name of the whole species? Also, how hot are we talking? Like, big fluffy tail plus hot woman body or what? And wasnt I supposed to fight a half-giant too? Are half-giant boobies proportional to their bodies? Look, Im usually rtively uninterested in all this shit, but it would have made it a very interesting experience.
Number two, even if I kill Marcus, arent other [Archmages] still going to kill me? And what am I going to do about Stanimal? He kind of dismissed the fact that I was basically going to fight with a goddamn Dragon, didnt he?
Its weird how rity hits your ass in these moments. It feels like walking in a dreamscape while awake: everything feels blurred, and the boundaries with reality are blended with the subconscious. In a way, I feel alienated from myself. Its like Im ying myself in a videogame, puppeteering my own life. At some point, you be aware of yourself, and when so many things hit you, you kind of default to auto-pilot. Its hard to exemplify, but just think of the moments in your life when you are going so fast that you dont act like yourself but like the strings that you move within yourself. You dont have time to think things through; you just pull the strings you believe you are supposed to pull. To put it more simply, when life speeds up, you just act like you think you are supposed to.
So, while Im about to fucking die, I realize Im not sure Ive been 100% myself these few days. I probably need a holiday, possibly on a tropical ind where the average chest size is three times the Swedish average and yes, before you ask, it is one of the countries that boasts about having the most incredible talent in that field. If I could just put my head between a massive pair of flesh pillows for a couple of days, Im sure that some Freudian super-psyche would finally catch up with me.
And while I stare at the humongous body of my enemy, spiky, slimy, ugly, hulking, I cant help but think of Greek mythology. I mean, dude, when you are about to die, and you have studied tragedy and myths this is it, you know? This is as tragic and mythological as it gets. A big ugly Dragon that wants to kill you after you have spared the heroines life? Thats Lucinda, I think. Well, its very fatalistic. Your aides are frozen, and no one is throwing themselves in harms way? I mean, that hurts, doesnt it? I get it, though. They have to be practical all of them but Stan, really.
It sucks.
I dont know. I kind of wish someone would fucking jump in front of Marcus. Just as a nice gesture, you know? Instead, this is so Human. This is all so very diplomatic, so very political. So real. Wouldnt you expect something more heroic? Something better? I mean, this is a fantasy world. Here is where the magic happens. So, what is wrong with these people?
Dude, this is making me so angry. It really doesnt make sense: how can people who can be anything just be so in? I mean, not that Im the one to speak about this. On Earth, I was what I was. But here? Here, Im trying. Im making an effort. Man, if I saw something like this happen in front of me, Id be fucking running from the battlement to fight! Is there no one with a fucking spine? Is there really nothing that moves these people to act? And look, even if the other [Archmages] or the lord of the fucking nine hells were threatening Stanimal or the others, Id still fucking jump in!
Where is courage? Where is heroism?!
What a piss poor excuse of a magical world. And the problem is that Im not sure Im good enough to show these people how it should be done, how they should act. I mean, I can lead by a good example, but I have a gut feeling that Im really going to get my ass served. Its unsettling. Knowing that you are going to die, that is. And Im not being pessimistic, its just I dont know. Im still going to kill this fucking Dragon first. Thats for sure. Then, Ill die.
I dont know whether my personality will one day manifest itselfpletely, if Im going crazy, if Im good enough to be a hero, a [Hero], or even just a symbol or something. But one thing is for sure: Im going out with a bang.
US of A-style, baby.
Lord Juler, at least, is taking over the controller to y the best game possible and see if we can indeed kill this fucker. Man, Ive been swearing so muchtely. Its really true, mom, that I get rougher when you are not around.
and all the bastard Vanedenis!
What? Looking at the smug Dragon, I realize I might have just missed a critical viin monologue. Admittedly, it was probably very clich, but still. I got a bit lost, didnt I?
I start casting myst ace when shit really starts going down.
And when I say down, its not like shits falling on the floor.
Hell no.
We are talking about shit literally hitting Satans horns in the deepest recess of hell.
Do you remember how I talked about Greek tragedies not even a second ago?
Well, whats happening right now has a specific name in tragedy. It is called
Chapter 179: Deus Ex Machina
Chapter 179: Deus Ex Machina
Dragons could never handle reality. Even when my forefathers routed all those who tried to sh with them. And about that Siren statement, lizard, dont trouble yourself. We have had a [Gardener] eliminate the harlots once. Im sure the favor will be returned manifold again.
What? Who? And who speaks like that?
A hooded woman is levitating in front of the massive Dragon. Her features are partially hidden, but I can see a wildly disfigured cheek that looks patched by Lovecraftian horror. Its as if the muscles were superimposed with skin, skin with muscles, and then blended into a reticule of scarred flesh.
How is that possible?!
The usually calm Lord Juler starts screaming in my soul, so loud I almost stumble.
What? Whos that woman?
Who dares
Marcuss words die in his fiery throat. Apparently, Dragons have an excellent memory. Like elephants, but more on the magical, fire-spitting monster style.
The woman slowly descends in front of the Dragon and examines his figure with a disinterested aura. Theres something otherworldly about her aura, something that makes a massive Dragon like Marcus seem tame. When she turns to stare at me for a second, I notice her yellow eyes. She doesnt say anything and simply keeps staring. After a few seconds of this show, Marcus screams.
Vrith?! How are you alive?!
Wait. Why is that name familiar?
The hooded woman looks at me with intensity. She has the posture of a warrior, but shes in a [Mage]s garb. If her name is any indication, shes a Vanedeni. But what is more incredible is how she stands: shes tall but not imposing like Princess Laura. Shes rxed, with bodynguage thatmunicatesplete control over the situation. Even her body and facial features tell a story of someone who knows what they are doing and why they are doing it.
Anyone, even Archmage [Marcus], would feel awkward in such a foreign context. You can hide it behind the rage, the big words, or the bold statements, but this is not a stage to tread lightly. But thats what she does. And she does it with the natural attitude of royalty, of someone who has in greater foes than we could ever imagine.
Shes solemn and terrible.
Shes a Vanedeni.
Some of you seem to have forgotten who the Vanedenis are, Marcus.
That said, the biggest foe I have faced so far just dies.
One moment, hes whole. The next, his massive head is excised. I have no idea whats going on or whats just happened. What I do hear, though, is the woman talking. Shes not screaming nor amplifying her voice, but her words still reach every corner of the massive arena.
[Archmages] interfering with young [Mages]. Your pathetic territory is still the same, I gather. Ille back seeking answers in the future, but for now, let the duels continue. This new generation bears a great artifact of my people, and Im curious to see what he has in store.
Now, that should have been a good speech, if a bitplicated. The problem is that this woman, Vrith, just killed a massive Dragon, whos also an [Archmage], like a kid squishes a lizard at a yground. So, as you can imagine, people are panicking.
Everyone in the stands starts to run toward the exits, trampling each other and running amok. No one said anything about Marcus trying to kill me, nor is anyone angry because of that. As I stare at Stan, he looks exactly the same.
The [Archmage] with the golden wheel at her back slowly descends with wide eyes and a pale face. Shes staring at Marcuss body with some greed, though.
Who are you? the [Archmage] asks.
A young one, then, the mysterious woman says with a hideous smile.
But the woman ignores the [Archmage] and looks at the crowd instead.
You cant flee. You shall all be spectators to someone winning like a true Vanedeni. The entrances have been closed off. Do not waste lives while employing your cowardice to the maximum, Elves. And do not interfere anymore.
Suddenly, an extremely obese woman appears at the side of the golden-wheeled [Archmage]. Shes dressed in loose golden robes and has an ungodly amount of makeup on her face. I swear, I just descended into a Japanese cartoon.
Marcus said that you were Vrith. Are you Vrith, the Vanedeni [Princess] who, supposedly, died to kill Mauser?
This doesnt make any sense! Why is she here?! And if shes alive, why are my people still suffering the war with the damned Ahali?!
Lord Juler is going ape.
A disgusting figure, the hooded woman says with a sneer to the obese woman, and you, [Ferromancer], I wouldnt try it.
Huh? Try what?
Suddenly, the golden wheel shoots through the [Archmage] without damaging her in the least and toward the hooded woman who just stays put. The distance is closed in a fraction of a second, so fast that Im not even sure what Im seeing. But space is a finicky thing when you are apparently massively overpowered.
And so, the hooded woman reappears right behind the golden-wheeled [Archmage], pulls a goddamn HunterXHunter ripping-a-still-beating-heart-out-of-a-chest, and just crushes it. The difference is, though, that she didnt touch the woman; or better, she barely grazed her skin when her heart came out and appeared in her hand.
So, we now have two out of seven [Archmages] dead in the span of a minute or so.
I dont know what day of the week it is, but if I had to y it by the nose, Id say its a fucking Monday.
Now, the duels can resume.
Chapter 180: Valarith
Chapter 180: Vrith
Excuse me, can I ask whats happening? I try to talk to the hooded woman with as much respect as possible.
You have an interesting relic on you. Almost as interesting as the soul inhabiting yours.
I think she can see you.
She is supposed to be dead! How is she alive?! Whats happening?! WHY ISNT SHE ON KOME?!
Such questions will have an answer. But now, dont you have something to prove to these miscreants?
Am I supposed just to say yes, go on with the duels as if you hadnt just killed two [Archmages] and the people on the stands werent trampling each other to escape and yet another [Archmage] looks like she wants to kill you? I say all in one breath while pointing at the morbidly obese woman. Im terrified that this might kill me even if Marcus didnt.
It would be enjoyable to talk more, but again, I must encourage you to continue your duels. I might have an opponent to pit against you after the Elves are done with their pathetic treachery.
She turns to smile eerily at the obese woman, probably freezing her blood while casting some weird magic. And Im not sure if that was just a metaphor or a factual statement. The obese woman moves her rattish eyes from Vrith to me with in disgust written on the creases of her oily skin. After a good, long look and probably considering killing Vrith, she simply [Flies] away, back to the podium.
Are you sure?
And with that simple question, the hooded woman, Vrith, convinced the obese [Archmage] not to attack her. Not that I me her. If the two corpses on the ground are any indication of what would have happened to her, its better not to risk it.
Look, now that I can better see her face, shes actually you know. Its not like a simple scarred cheek can scare me off that much. Sexually speaking, that is. Magically speaking, Im obviously shitting myself.
But theres always that one question every time you see a member of the opposite sex through my eyes. Its always the same. Its probably deranged and sick, but
Would I tap that?
I mean, taking a better look at the woman, I probably would. My standards are high only when talking about love prospects. And tapping is not really about love, now, is it?
She can read your thoughts, Joey. And I can as well. Shes a [Spatial Mage] or some variation of that, and she probably branched out into something weirder. She reeks of Souls. And thats never a good sign. People who screw with souls are always mad.
Or they are the Vanedenis, uncle.
Uncle? Is this an Argentinian telenov? Am I missing something?
Shes not my niece! We are centuries apart, Joey Luciani! Dont you remember anything about the history I taught you?!
Not really?
People, this is [Archmage] Antoniana! Stop! We will resume the duels! Whoever is ready to fight the Human is urged to go to the gates! Or simply get inside the arena!
The obese woman amplifies her voice and, after ast look at Vrith, steps back to the shaded podium where the other four [Archmages] are sitting.
Uhm, I might have a problem or two with what you are suggesting, I tell the hooded woman. Im not really in the best mood to continue fighting, nor I can fight with
I slightly lift Lucindas body.
Ill take care of this misguided child and remove the geas that the lizard imposed on her.
Honestly, Im a bit reticent. Giving Lucinda to a person I barely know is not the wisest move. At the same time, if this woman wanted to do anything bad, she would have already killed me. Therefore, why not approach her? Before I can move more than a few steps, Lucindas body flies out of my arms and rests in the air next to the hooded woman.
Are we even sure that someone will fight me after you went full-terminator on these
Before I can finish my sentence, the two corpses and their blood disappear from the arenas soil. Again, very creepy. Also, a little hot given the smirk on the hooded womans face.
Yeah, I guess thats better?
Finish your thing, and Ill bring my disciple to challenge you.
Yeah, sure. Completely normal. All good. Im not freaking out. This is justpeachy. All good. Cool-Cool-cool-cool-cool-cool. Tight. Perfect, even.
I sigh while the hooded woman disappears, and the arena slowly realizes that no one else will die. Probably.
So, if thats all, I scream while enhancing my voice, we could finish this here? I won?
It wouldnt be bad. It means I saved days of stupid fighting. Plus, after killing Adriana, who could be so stupid to think they had even the slightest chance of
Filthy worm!
Here we go.
Ok, ten bucks its the guy who has a crush on Laura.
Sidenote, Lauras going to be a rather thorny matter now, isnt she?
Yo, crazy, jealous non-boyfriend, I say to the man entering the arena.
This whole Ancient Roman vibe is kind of ruined by the idiocy of the people living here, honestly. I could have had some very cool fights where no one really got hurt. Instead, things got very real, very fast. I mean, wheres the show that makes me into a famous, hot, and single bachelor I think that single bachelor is redundant, but given the current state of things, it might be the most appropriate appetive for me.
I CHALLENGE YOU TO THE DEATH!
And just like that, the arena erupts into wild cheers. Apparently, the ultimate hero has entered the stage. The wicked Human will be in, and finally, justice will triumph over evil.
But man, for real, if you think about it, why didnt we just have a regr fight? If I had not had to risk my stupid life, I could have made [Advanced Light Lances] into any kind of element! How cool would that be?! Instead, I have to use the stupid invisible radiations literally to explode brain matter. I mean, not explode. Its more like ation.
DO YOU ACCEPT, WORM?!
Wait, just to make sure before I do. Who are you, again? Some details on the background would help, too. See, my memory is quite bad. Thank you very much.
Chapter 181: Appius
Chapter 181: Appius
WHO AM I?
Ok, this Elf is a piece of work.
Not only he has been screaming and let me be clear, this is vein-popping, bloodshot-eyes screaming but hes also spitting. Dude, this person is cray-cray. But like, an ex-girlfriend who removes-sewer-grates-hoping-you-fall-in-them crazy. Yeah, thats another story.
But I have to say, he doesnt look good. You would think that after Atticus was killed like an idiot, this man would be the endgame boss or something. I mean, Im still only assuming his name is Appius. I think it was Appius, the jealous idiot, right? Im not entirely sure.
Man, cant you just tell me your name and confirm you are the guy bothering Laura?
I turn to the stands where Laura is honestly, after this whole crazy business, Im not sure if the anger on her face is because of Appius or everything else.
YOU DONT KNOW WHO I AM?!
Dude, I will found a psychiatric ward for these people.
Whats the matter with you? I have no idea who you are. And I have no idea why you want to duel to the death after I literally killed a Dragon. Why cant you just answer a fucking question?! I am the one doing the shouting this time around.
Why should I answer your questions?! You dont know the future [Archmage] of Lucerna!?
Listen, buddy. I dont know the current [Archmages]. Why should I have any idea who you are?! Are you fucking Appius?! Yes or no?!
I AM APPIUS, THE MAN WHO WILL SLAUGHTER THE BLIGHT THATS PLAGUING OUR LANDS!
And thats when the crowd really starts losing it for the ugly guy.
When I say hes ugly, you have to imagine a pubescent kid with oily skin paired with a DnD, fedora-wearing, badly-shaved, ponytail man all-in-one. Hes also shorter than me by at least good four inches. That means hes much shorter than Princess Laura, whos taller than me.
So, while the crowd is cheering, I just wonder what kind of parallel universe full of retards Inded in. Not that I get surprised by anything at this point Im just tired. While I down a couple more Mana potions, just to be safe, I pose a question to Lord Juler.
Putting the Vrith-business to the side, how strong is this guy?
Not as strong as those puny [Archmages]. But he is close to them. He shouldnt be considered part of your generation, clearly.
He should consider using some soap, I say to my teacher while flinching back. Appiuss stench has finally caught up to me. He doesnt just look like a smelly nerd, he is one.
Listen, cant you [Cleanse] yourself or something? You reek, man. What the hell?
I [Cleanse] myself every day! I dont have time to take long, hot baths like a time-waster! Magic is my only
Fuck, I swear again while stepping back even further. Stanimal!
I turn to the far-away stands.
After this idiot, Im done with your countrys freak show! Im going to need a holiday, and Im not sure Ille back for these assholes! Also, can we have a word about youryou know what?
A wave of anger that I had previously repressed surfaces.
Fuck you, Stan. Fuck you. Who the fuck doesnt help a possible nephew-inw, for Christs sake! I was going to fucking die! To fucking die! And Princess Laura, you and your fucking people are a work of art! Fuck you too! Fucking Elves, for fucks sake!
Angry, just like I had been with Marcus, I turn to face Appius.
Come on, you fucking idiot, show me what youve got, I say while preparing to kill him on the spot. I ept your duel to the death.
And so it begins.
I shut off every sense thats not focused on the battle.
[Single-Minded Focus]
[Advanced Mana Sense]
As soon as the world turns into energy, I can see what Lord Juler meant. Appius burns bright, very fucking bright. And that means hes got loads of Mana to spare. But if I have learned one lesson since I havee to this forgotten ce, its knowing your potential is worth more than a few years of education. So what if Appius is so strong or almost an [Archmage]?
Do you know who I am?
Im Joey Luciani, baby.
And we are dancing now.
[Advanced Mana Lance]
Another good lesson that Lord Juler taught me is that [Mages] underestimate the range of options you have. Shooting a [Fireball] doesnt mean you have to always try and hit your enemy straight on. No, you could use it as a distraction. You could even use it just to blow some smoke in your enemys face. There are so many options in life. And onest thing before we dive in: Lord Juler is a Vanedeni, right? Ok, the Vanedenis are not just crazy, but also the greatest fighters the world has ever known. You know how I said I practiced and researched a lot of things while traveling to the Nine Towers Academy,? And do you remember how I was always fucking sick? Well, Lord Juler wanted me to keep most of what we did secret. But it wasnt just magical training. There are many ways you can use spells. And sure, I might not be extremely proficient in this; nothing worthy of legends, for sure. And I also refused every ss that hade my way after our training, but Lord Juler taught me a vital lesson.
[Mages] never expect to be physically beaten up by another [Mage].
As I congeal the spell matrix construct of the [Advanced Light Spear] in my hand, I start running toward the ugly motherfucker.
All that vomit from our inner-soul training is finally going to pay off.
Chapter 182: Cheese
Chapter 182: Cheese
All my senses are heightened while using [Advanced Mana Sense]. And when I say senses, its because if you concentrate enough, you can perceive Mana even with your tongue. There are species in nature that do that, in fact. But whats important is that Lord Juler taught me to fight using every sense because the energy world is tooplicated to navigate otherwise. He told me that it wasnt the Vanedenis who invented this, but a much more ancient poption they once fought in war. Allegedly, they were the only ones to have really whooped their asses. But the great thing is that they taught some ancestors of Lord Juler, the Epodes family that he made famous, one of their techniques. Why they did that is a mystery even to Lord Juler, but it certainly created a whole new generation of insane p-ready [Battlemages] and one bullying [Supreme Archmagus].
He says that Im far from learning the whole martial thingy but that Im not that bad either. The first thing that you learn to do is to perceive the world through [Advanced Mana Sense], which is incidentally the first skill that the book is supposed to pass on to you. Now, the second step is to learn how to fight through the messy [Advanced Mana Sense]; it takes a lot of vomit to learn how to do that, especially in a made-up world. The actual inner workings of how that is possible are beyond me. Lord Juler tried to exin some of it, but my traditional magical theory is as bad as my modern magical theory is good.
I can smell Appiuss Mana now, though. Its thick and based on air currents.
Lightning Magic.
I feel a colossal shield starting to form in front of me and I feel it on my skin. Its nothing puny like what Atticus or Adriana attempted to do. No, the man is carrying a staff that looks all crooked in the energy world, but thats also a bright beacon of Mana. And the patternsing from the staff make it so that the shield is up in almost a second.
[Light]
[Light]
[Light]
I start casting [Lights] inside the spell matrix, but its too powerful to bepletely disrupted. Appius reworked his spell into something densely packed and super-efficient. The usually feebly squiggly lines are as sturdy as steel wires. But its enough to avoid having the shield form around himpletely. I could lead with a [Gamma-Knife], but I have no idea what this person can do. The long casting time means anything could happen, and Im not ready to fire off myst ace in a second. I need to lure him into using something really powerful. Then, if I can hold the line, Ill pulverize a major vessel in his brain and give him a fatal stroke the same that happened to Adriana.
Now, the problem with the shield that Appius is summoning is that Lightning Magic is made of exactly what you are thinking: lightning. And when you touch [Lightning], you get zapped.
But, the shield being very thick shield and made of Lightning, its not efficient to have the shield cover you at a 360-degree angle. So, imagine more of a crescent moon in this case. And thats good to block powerful attacks or stupid monsters.
But what happens when you have a crazy running [Mage], trained by a Vanedenis, thirsty for blood?
I see the [Lightning Bolt]ing my way as soon as he starts casting it. And trust me, it doesnt take long before I have a very fast and deadly attack aimed right at my head. Now, I would like to say that I used my mightynce to deflect it like theyd do in the coolest of those stupid Japanese cartoons, but thats not how it works in real life. Instead, I create a small [Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shield], small enough not to burden my Mana reserves but thick enough to deflect the bolt. Not block, just deflect. Efficiency is everything, Joey Luciani thats what the old bag says.
No one is talking now; its just magic and my badassery.
Im extremely close to the front of his stupid shield.
See, thence Im wielding is not as much for beating as you would think. Im not good at that. Not yet, at least. But I learned many neat tricks and advanced techniques when I was studying thetest Cantrips from the damned book. And one of them is how to insert pre-formed matrixes inside your spells and trigger them at a moments notice. You would usually employ those when you need to curve a particr spell around an obstacle. Thats what its used for.
Usually.
I trigger the spell of the [Advanced Light Lance] that Im holding in my hand.
With a swoosh, Im behind the umpteenth bastard trying to take my life for the most stupid fucking reason. I mean, once or twice, I can understand it. But three times in a row? Thats too many idiots. And no one tries to help me, except for a supposedly-dead, freakishly hot Vanedeni-monster-Princess? Everyone has a limited allotment of tolerance. And Im way past my reserve.
I smile as my feet glide on the ground while I hold the moving [Advanced Light Lance], basically acting as a button ski-lift at very high speed. I mean, why not sh a smile before I beat this idiot up?
[Mages] dont have the battle reflexes you would expect from any Gold Rank. Not even almost-[Archmages].
Now, Im a couple of feet away from Appiuss face, and I just keep smiling at him as I raise my other hand to where Ive started an [Advanced Light Lance] matrix as soon as I triggered the other spell. Well, who said I was going to actually beat him up physically? Im an academic, mind you.
Say cheese.
[Light Overcharge]
[Overcharged Prization Field]
[Light eleration]
[Light-Bended Reality]
[Overcharged, elerated: Advanced Light Lance]
Chapter 183: Close Combat
Chapter 183: Close Combat
The projectile flies toward Appius at a speed that no Human or Elf, for what matters can block. But [Mages] dont just fight in reflexes. [Mages] mostly fight with preparation. And thats why the bolt vaporizes before touching Appius. I can see an amulet zing up through the energy world and taste its charred effect on my tongue. And now, its much dimmerpared to before. Whatever protective artifact just saved Appiuss life, its not going to work more than once or twice more. And now, we are close. Very close. Almost hugging-distance. I can feel the bastard breathing heavily, and I cant wait to put ance through the roof of his mouth.
But theres a question for you, now.
Appius is clearly much more experienced than me at magic. It doesnt take a genius to understand that, right? But I have an incredible experience with the basics of casting and overall Mana maniption also, I use Light Magic, which has the simplest spell matrixes to cast since its kind of the foundation of everything else. However, its highly unlikely that a normal bolt will kill him. This is the case of a no, my metaphor is no good for this situation. I was going to say its an immovable object against an irresistible force. But this is more like two very sturdy objects beating each other. Theres I dont know. Just watch.
I cant cast another [Advanced Light Lance] because he has brought out a very small staff, a little twig, really, that clearly has another spell attached. And now that staff is aimed at my face.
[Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shields]
The impact is nothing world-ending, but I see the little shield I casted in front of his staff already has a crack in it. I casted it extremely close to the source, which means the bolt is hitting the shield at full power. But thats one source of attack I have taken care of.
And so, a battle of attrition begins.
Every time he casts from his staff, I pull up a shield. Every time he tries to cast something else, I throw a [Light] matrix and dissolve his spell into nothingness. At the same time, hes so proficient with his spells that he barely blinks in his attacking rotation. I really dont want to test the defensive spells in the hat since they already somehow failed to shield me from Atticuss blow. Lord Juler says thats because that blow was too weak.
Now, for all this guy looks like a sweaty meme of some MIT DnD-ying freshman, he knows what hes doing. Hes even feinting. He thrusts the little staff almost up to my face and then tries to shoot a bolt with his other hand. This type of close-range [Mage]bat means that no big spells can be used. They take too much time to cast. But thats good because, in the end, lower-tier spells are all about the fundamentals.
And whos got more fundamentals than me?
He finally dispels the massive shield he had summoned, probably to alleviate the Mana consumption. In fact, if we were to continue like this, it would just be a show of who has the biggest Mana reserves or who can imbibe more potions. And the answer to the first question is him, and to the second is me.
Now, I havent mmed a fist to this nerds face yet because [Mages] usually have enchantments or wards against physical damage. Even if we are at the Nine Towers Academy, Appius likely has some measure of protection against me. So, a punch wouldnt do much, and it would indeed expose me to a good counter-attack. But see, if its true that many enchantments cover the blow part of a blow, its also true that the discement part is not covered.
Little bitch, I say while ducking the umpteenth bolt from the wand and doing a simple leg sweep. Now, as I said, Im not the fittest nor the best fighter. After some training, I did not be a UFC champion, but my opponent looks as fit as a watermelon in a millennials jeans pocket.
And so, Appius falls to the ground.
This time, I multi-cast while re-using all my skills.
[Light Overcharge]
[Overcharged Prization Field]
[Light eleration]
[Light-Bended Reality]
[Overcharged, elerated: Advanced Light Lance]
[Light Overcharge]
[Overcharged Prization Field]
[Light eleration]
[Light-Bended Reality]
[Overcharged, elerated: Advanced Light Lance]
The two bolts hit the man in rapid session before he could awkwardly roll away.
He screams in pain because of the second attack. His amulet failed, partially, and he took a blow to his ribs. The wind is kicked out of him, and he starts wheezing. But the bastard is still keeping up his casting, and now theres more of a distance between us.
Also, I can smell something different in the magic. Threads of blue energy are umting all around Appius.
WORM! he screams incoherently, raging because of my blow. But then, he smiles.
If I have to guess, he will use a powerful skill.
I feel the familiar feeling of electricity swarm my skin a moment before being zapped. Theres no real matrix around meoh, wait. There is. I look up in the air, seeing a massive construct that I hadpletely missed during our closebat.
Fuck, I swear.
HAHAHA! YOU ARE DEAD, WORM!
Looking around, a mild panic spreads through my body, taking over part of my anger. The massive spell matrix is too far in to disrupt. And the energy lines look as thick as tree trunks, for Gods sake. They are so big Id need to exhaust all my Mana just to disrupt that abomination.
Chapter 184: Trial by Lightning
Chapter 184: Trial by Lightning
What Appius had been casting while I thought he was focused on the duel is akin to a greenhouse if greenhouses were deadly traps where it rained lightning continuously. My enemy [Flies] away from me with a jump in the air.
Dark clouds keep umting into a dome-like shape, enclosing both of us. The energy snakes in and out of the energy clouds, thick with ozone and death. Yep, this thing feels like death on my skin.
You want to see real magic? This is a [Dome of Lightning]! My capstone ability! This is what will put me in the ranks of [Archmages]! And now, worm, you will be crushed like your race during the Extermination War! he cackles maniacally while I just keep looking.
Is this the person Laura was supposed to marry? Who even thought such a thing possible? A beautiful, flower-like her with an idiot thats also ugly? I mean, I might not be Brad Pitt myself, but I could have held Rose on Titanics deck any day of the weekpared to this guy.
The Trees of Life are extinct, but the might of Elves still lives! Immortality shall one day be reimed by our kind, even if the whole world has to suffer for it! The usurpers will die, and the whole
Holy shit, is this some viin monologue full of hints for future adventures? Better not to listen to this idiocy before I get roped into even more dangerous plots. Also, I should take my distance from Elves and Vanedenis alike.
His hands are raised like a maestro whos going to conduct an orchestra.
I take a look around the stands because I need to see the expressions on my friends faces. And not just my friends.
My eyes go to Laura first.
Shes a bit cold but also worried. Shes the most beautiful woman in the world, but I think I caused a major blunder over there. I think that love might be out of my reach at the moment. I dont see how I could, in any feasible way, have a rtionship with her. I dont know if its the anger and dont be fooled by my calm tone. Everyone lets it out in different ways but I feel like something broke in me. Maybe Im suffering from a psychotic attack; who knows. But one thing is sure I have been focusing on the Princess too much. Also, I probably shouldnt have made such a promise to her. Meh, I guess Ill still try for some peace between the Continents. But marrying her?
She didnt throw herself in harms way.
Thats the thing that got me. She didnte here. And I dont care if she maybe thought I could take care of it myself. Hell, she could have even name-dropped the crown, bugged Stan more. But she just watched. In the end, in the tragedy that is my life, shes just a spectator, not the heroine. Maybe, she could be the damsel in distress, but thats not how I roll. Other than big buns, I also fancy myself a strong woman.
I start summoning the magic I had been holding off as I keep looking at the stands. Soon, Appiuss spell will materialize. Theres no reason I should be getting any closer to him. I bet that he has some [Lightning Immunity] thingy, anyway.
Now, Stanimal.
Stanimalthats the person Ive considered my guardian so far, almost a father figure. No, you know what? A father figure without the almost. But in the end, he just watched. He did not jump. That hurts. Would I have jumped? Hell yeah. Hero-style. Thats what you do. If you want to lose your life, better do it in the proper context. Not while slipping on a bathroom tile.
Domiti was paralyzed by fear, and thats ok. The poor girl didnt know what she was getting into when she came here. Im not even sure that taking her in as a [Student] or was it [Disciple] was the right move. But at least Im teaching her something useful. I hope she will return to Amorium and be a boring [ountant] or something like that. I really think thats the best choice for her. She needs friends, a slightly boring life, and a family. Not me. Not this mess.
I feel like this whole narrative is shifting to a big fucking goodbye. I mean, I did leave Cami and Clodia in charge of my bakery together with Quintus and Tiberius. I guess they dont really need me to run the ce. Plus, the two veterans already have enough recipes for a lifetime of sess and levels.
Now, Lucillus looks really troubled by all thats happening. And Im pretty sure he was tempted to just run into the arena at some point. I guess that in the end, my grunting friend was the most loyal of the bunch.
And as soon as I finish that thought, a raging rain made of blue lightnings starts peppering the ground of the arena, instantly turning the dirt and sand into ss. The lightnings are so powerful that the entire arena shakes, and the massively tall and thick columns are on the verge of breaking. A cloud of dust so big that it could pass as a sandstorm bursts into the air as if running away from all that destruction.
Appiusughs maniacally, like the two-cent viin he is. Hes satisfied with the ughter. He thinks that even if I could somehow survive the first blow thanks to my shields, Ill never survive long enough to make it through the entire skill. And yes, this is more of a skill or ability, whatever nomenture you prefer than a proper spell. The difference is in your understanding of the thing. It took me casting a proper gamma knife to get the blue thing. And this spell Im currently casting is the same. Im nome, nerdy Elf, kiddo.
So, while Appiuss spell rains death and destruction, everyone probably thinks Im dead because you cant see shit in this mess its very much like thoseme films that rely on climaxes and effects like that. Whats it called when they reveal that the person appearing from the smoke is actually alive?
Sometimes I wish I was a writer. I would definitely know more words, wouldnt I?
But the die is castnah, thats not how I want to say it.
The whatever.
Listen, I have this spell that made me survive. Boo-hoo. Big surprise. So, to make it easier to picture: there is a lot of red light filtrating through the smoke that is finallying down. Appiuss spell has finally run its course. My Mana was kind of running out. Thats why Im chugging Mana potions like water after a big pizza with lots of prosciutto crudo. Im also smoking a bit. Not a cigarette. My glittery shorts are smoking. I got partially hit by that deadly rain of [Lightning].
Bottom line, this is a shield. And its a shield made in the greatest, most perfect, most genius
A realization hits me.
I could have made this stupid, fucking red rose in the form of a pair of ass cheeks.
Goddammit.
Chapter 185: Strength
Chapter 185: Strength
I know you have two questions for me.
One, why a rose?
Two, why not buns?
For the second one... I really dont know why I didnt think of it. Id say that most of the me should go to Lord Juler. He is the one who told me I should work on a shield also, we devised this spell in a way that it would incorporate my knowledge about gamma rays, cosmic stuff, and so on. Actually, to be even more precise, electromaism and spell prity applied to defense. I wont go too much into detail since I need to avoid dying in the next few minutes.
Im at the center of a huge red rose. Pretty elegant, if you ask me. But the biggest feature is the myriad of loops and smallponents making up the rose. In video games, models have polygons. They are made from tinyponents to give the figures more realism. The more polygons you use [correctly], the more your avatar will look realistic. This magnificent construct of mine is built around the same principle of very small polygons. Unlike the [Advanced Hexagonal Three-Folded Shields], the polygons have different sizes. Its a disy of natural arrangement in a multiyered shape that orients itself differently on every surface of its polygons. Theres a lot more to this, but the point is that every spell will hit differently on the roses petals. That guarantees a much higher resilience to any attack.
Also, its very pretty.
[Gamma-Knife]
I use the skill for the first time instead of simply conjuring the spell. Now, all the pieces fall together on their own, with much less effort on my part. I can still feel that it takes time for the matrix to materialize. But some details are much better. The [Weighed Lights] are invisible to the naked eye, and the [Lights] in energy loops are going much faster. The skill basically created a multiyeredhavent I used that term for the rose, wait lets say a multi-level spell. Its basically many processes at once that converge on the same objective.
What the hell is that? Appius whispers.
Hes shocked Im still alive after using the spell that would supposedly make him an [Archmage]. I dont me him. What I me him for and all the others that are now dead is theck of personality. They look like cookie-cutter viins. Even how they speak makes them look like simple clones of each other.
When the spell goes off, Appius trembles in mid-air, widens his eyes and falls dead to the ground. And once again, this duel has been quite anticlimactic. You would expect a fantasy world to be more varied, more heroic. Instead, these battles have been pretty boring. If you have ever watched fencing, thats exactly what Im talking about: too fast, not showy enough. I mean, I guess that the rose and the dome of death made of lightning were interesting but the duel propersted what, five minutes? Maybe less?
And the time-dtion that is guaranteed by [Single-Minded Focus] has made my previous burning rage tepid at best now. Sure, its right there, ready to ze again, but still. I feel tired. I feel like going on vacation to Italy and spending my days visiting museums in Rome and eating croissants. Coti, sorry. Better not make that mistake if I go back.
If I go back.
As Appius falls and I finally reconnect to this world and hear the gasps, the boos, and the shouts, I find myself distant from this reality. Even though my skills have dissipated, and my senses havee back to these people, I feel alienated. I feel like I dont belong, like I never did.
The corpse of the ugly man that many are now crying over belongs to this life more than my springy limbs and my beautiful features shut it, beautiful features, I said.
Its like I can see myself from a birds-eye view, as if Im a marite of mine. All this death, all this fighting. And they are not cheering for me. They have bloodshot eyes and pale faces, their pale fists tight and balled up, wishing they could bash me to death.
Maybe its because of how I grew up, but I like surprising people. A therapist might go as far as to say that I need it, that I crave the approval of others for all I try not to. Thats what happens when you grow up with a very strict father that never praises you. And you stop trying to impress people because it gets too painful when they are not impressed, when they are not praising you.
Im strong, but I feel like I need to repeat it every minute, or my strength will disappear, as if it would fly away like dust slipping through my fingers. Maybe Cami would have jumped up from those battlements. Maybe she would have run to me and said something to Marcus. Or Maybe minia, Antoninus, or Clodia. Maybe someone would have done it.
If they had, I wouldnt feel like this.
But if my grandfather had three balls, he would be a pinball machine.
Chapter 186: Bad Guy
Chapter 186: Bad Guy
Im breathing heavily when Ie back to my senses. The arena is going crazy over the death of Appius, and now Im public enemy number one, the monster who slew the most promising Elf of their generation.
Do I wish things would have gone differently?
While looking at everyone on the stands and taking in their hate, not really, no. Im not the bigger man in the room; Im not just taking all this shit without my pound of flesh.
Is there anyone else?
I let the Mana carry my voice to the stands, and most people go silent. I can see it on their faces: they are scared. Anger is fading away, and dread is settling it. Theres nothing else in this world but a Human with no blood on his bright red, glittery shorts.
Is there a profound lesson to gain here? Am I some kind of a cringe alert joker that sheds truth on the corpses of fools?
I look around, and I see Appiuss body, lifeless but still rosy. His eyes are wide open, and his tongue is sadly sticking out from his mouth, swollen gross until the end. I can already imagine the stench of dposition and flies buzzing around his corpse while everyonemiserates about how great he could have been.
Nope, I dont think theres much to learn here.
And its not just about oh, death doesnt teach you anything. Its more on the line of this was stupid.
There are certainly some lessons of some kind. There always are. Its like in Karate Kid. Once you look deep enough, you find something even in wax on, wax off. But do you want to look deeper into this pile of steaming shit?
Is there anyone else?
This time, everyone goes silent. The show hase to an end, and we slowly realize it. Not just me, but also them. The curtain is closing, and they did not get the ending they hoped for. The hero is dead. The monster triumphed. They cant just go back home andugh. Sleeping it off wont work either. This is a blow to the collective mind of these people, a scar that will not fade easily.
A performance of spectacr prowess has graced my eyes.
I turn to find Vrith, the hooded woman with a terrifying scar on her cheek. Face-cheek, I mean. Or that I know of, at least.
Stop thinking. She can read your thoughts.
Why do you talk funny?
I am not used to interactions outside of she stops to look for the right words. practicing magic.
Meh. Ok. Listen, Im going on vacation. Right-the-fuck-now.
My disciple would like to fight you. It would prove to be the first decent fight youve had today. Thest one could have been satisfactory to the untrained eye of the masses but
Look, no disrespect here, but Im done. Also, I dont see any disciple of yours around.
Oh, he is right there, she points behind me.
Typical.
As I turn, I find myself looking at the most freakish person I have ever met in my entire life. And I have lived in New York City. In front of me, theres another hooded person, but this guy has absolutely no hair anywhere on his body. And thats already something that should freak you out because bald people, as we know, have no soul. But the scariest thing is that his lips are sewed together yeah, with a thick ck thread like in horror movies.
Yeah. Thanks, but no thanks, I say, looking back at the woman. This freakshow has gone on long enough, and Im out. I have some matters to take care of, and Im not fighting that.
I give onest look to the man before feeling shivers creep up to my butthole.
He took a [Vow]. But his kindness is unrivaled and audacious.
What?
Sure. Listen. Lets wrap this up. Ill write you a postcard from some tropical ind.
I turn around, thoroughly tired, but I still pick up the belt and hold it in my hands as I make my way toward the exit.
It is my intention to bring you back with me. I shall not let you leave.
What? Are you going to kill me? I say with a yawn.
Leave. Go away. I need a meeting with your inner soul.
Yeah, no.
I keep walking.
You have no say in this matter.
Suddenly, all my limbs seize up, and in the next second, I find myself facing the hooded woman.
I realize I just made my way back to where I was when I killed Appius.
Space Magic?
You will meet my disciple in a duel, Levener. And then, we will converse.
Speak? Talk, you mean? And Im not meeting anyone anywhere, woman. Back off. Thank you.
Joey Luciani, be careful. She is a Vanedeni. More than anyone you have ever met so far. And my people dont take well to disrespect.
What? I didnt say anything.
Theres a long, awkward, silent pause before I resume walking away again.
If you walk away, Ill take that as disrespect.
I turn, bbergasted.
What are you, a child?
Vrith narrows her eyes.
Chapter 187: Awake
Chapter 187: Awake
When I wake up, Im not in a familiar ce.
Oof.
I put a hand on my neckits sore.
Clicking my tongue and sighing, I slowly hoist myself up with great effort.
I feel like I just came out of a superstore and forgot where I had parked my car, but the car, in this case, is my life. I have no clear memory of what happened, and I cant see anyone around me ready to exin whats happening.
I turn in a soft bed of red silk sheets. Its one of those beds with the columnswhat are they called, again? Whatever. You get it. Apparently, the room I slept in is as gothic as a girl in her teenage years can only dream of. ck and red silk with as decoration on top of the bed. Theres also a fair amount of leather furniture in the rooma big, shiny couch in ck leather that totally doesnt remind me of some 2012 meme. Theres also a candbra on a table. And its lit.
Very gothic, I find myself thinking.
But most of the lightes from overhead floating [Lights]. When I activate [Advanced Mana Sense], I can see theirplex structure. They are draining Mana from the environment, making them more of an enchantment than a proper spell. They are basically self-sustaining [Lights]. If Im sensing this correctly, there seems to be aponent in their matrix to store Mana and one to let you charge said storage. A Mana battery, thats impressive.
As I try to get out of bed, all the pain that I feared does not materialize. Nope. Im the fittest I have been in a while, save for my neck. With a hand on the only offending region of my body, I start to look around the room. Someone has reced my underwear, I notice. Im not wearing the red, glittery shorts anymore. Instead, Im wearing a pair of nondescript linen boxers. Thats it. Well, gotta let the jewels breathe.
Joey!
As I was trying to understand if the candbra mes were magical or not, someone barged into my room and hugged me. Its more of a tackle, actually. But at least its been cushioned by two soft airbags.
Lucinda?
Princess Vrith told me what you did for me!
She keeps hugging me.
What did I do?
Im positive I helped her somehow. I remember most of the duels. But how did I end up
Levener is so sorry! He said he exaggerated!
Levener?
Suddenly, a scary image pops up in my mind.
The guy with the mouth sewn together with ck threads. Did we fight? Did I suffer a concussion, maybe? But most of all, isnt Lucinda half-naked?
I suddenly look at her very skimpy garbs with wide eyes and an even wider smile.
After a few seconds of me not answering, she looks into my eyeseyes that are not looking at her eyes. She blushes and suddenly distances herself from me.
I was sleeping! Our rooms are close! The Princess changed both of us! This is
All good, all good, I say with a nod.
As I start stretching out, I realize Im hungry.
How long have I been out?
Three days, Joey. I was so worried. Its the middle of the night. You woke up screaming.
Huh.
Did I?
Is she gaslighting me?
I shake my head, banishing the thought.
Oof. Do you have some food by any chance?
Also, isnt it too quiet here?
Lord Juler? Hello? Are you doing some kind of a freaky experiment likest time? Can we please not blow ourselves up?
No response.
Sure! Im sure they are all still studying together. So, why dont we visit them first?
Them?
The Princess, Lord Levener, and Lord Juler.
Huh?
...
Now, putting aside the fact that Lucinda and I are ignoring a crucial conversation... She has brought me into a massive library while attempting small talk. Three people are hunched over some books in said library, silently flipping pages with one hand and taking notes with the other. Its a scene so normal you could ce it in New Yorks public library, minus the influencer-girl/streamer who needs viewers to finish a chapter of her Political Science book.
Princess, Lucinda says with great respect, bowing.
She gave me some clothes and changed herself as well. I told her that I was fine with her keeping the skimpy pajama, but she did not agree with my wise judgment.
---
Is that Lord Juler?
I see the man looking like the projection I saw when I entered the weird soul-space. Hes old, a bit wizened, but with deep eyes and his characteristic multi-colored irises. But hes definitely less magical than I remember him. Theres something off about him.
Yes, Joey Luciani, it is me. I think you might have many questions. I have had time to catch up with
Hell no. Im not doing this on an empty stomach. Where is the kitchen?
Vrith points in a direction.
I turn on my heel and walk in that direction.
Well talk after I have had a sandwich. Or three, I shout over my shoulders.
Chapter 188: Fiction and Reality
Chapter 188: Fiction and Reality
Do you know how people ingest a bit of poison every day to develop an immunity to it? I ask Lucinda while chomping down on my sandwich.
I have heard of it, she replies.
I get the feeling that all this mess, all these fights have been too much at once to develop immunity. I simply feel... poisoned? I mean, yeah, if we want to stick to the simile. But the point is, I would have liked taking it slower.
You were the oneing to the Nine Towers Academy to duel every [Mage] of your generation. It didnt take a genius to understand what could have happened. You really thought no one would challenge you to the death? Appius and Adriana were unexpected. Appius, for sure. But the rest? What did you think would have happened?
I look into Lucindas deep green eyes while she speaks.
I dont know. No one really said anything. I was half-expecting Stan to tell me. Eh, I made my bed andwhat was the expression? Anyway, I made a mess. Thats for sure.
What about the homeless geezer? Is it true that he is Princess Lauras uncle?
Not uncle. Hes a very old royal family member who chose to take it easy in hisst years. But I didnt expect him not to interfere when Marcus wanted to kill me. Also, did Vrith tell you all this?
Lord Juler and Levener, too. Princess Vrith doesnt speak much. But Levener and Lord Juler love to chat. Especially Lord Juler.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Im munching on my sandwich when a frown takes over my face.
Levener? I ask, pointing at my lips.
She shrugs when she sees the gesture.
Mindmunication.
I nod.
This bread sucks, I say as I down another bite of the stale thing.
They only eat when they need. They dont stock the pantry often. I suspect that bread is a week-old, at least. And that meat
Puah, dont tell me. Im still going to eat it. If I feel sick, whatever.
Wait, how does that man eat? I ask with wide eyes. No, you know what? I dont want to know. Dont tell me.
We are both leaning against the table in the middle of the kitchen. Its not a table meant for eating. Its intended for cooking. See, even though theres no dust around here, probably due to some enchantment, this ce is clearly half-abandoned, or at least unused. Its probably just my experience in the cooking industry, but this kitchen looks like it has never been used before. Vrith and Levener dont seem to cook their own things. And if I have to guess, they probably just teleport food to the library from somewhere else when they need to.
Do you know where we are? Lucinda asks.
Vrith is the owner of one of the two unused towers? And Levener of the other?
Only Vrith owns one. Levener is still her disciple and thoroughly devoted to her. I think he has a crush on her, you know?
Good luck kissing him, I scoff while trying to chew on a piece of bread harder than stic.
Not ideal, yeah.
A weird silence falls between us while I murder the sandwich with each bite. Only the struggle of my teeth against the stale bread and my chewing fill up the room of the tower.
If one tower is still free, I could probably snatch that for myself.
You could.
Man.
When I finish the sandwich, I have barely filled up my stomach. However, that hard, bread-looking thing took away all my hunger. Id rather cook something myselfter than try to eat anything else here.
Im trying to ignore Lucinda willingly, but she keeps looking at me like she wants to say something, and thats why I decide to speak up.
Do you ever read fiction? I forget.
Not really, she answers.
Ok, whatever. If you ever do, youll notice how writers style their stories into a fairly straight progression. One of the reasons is that readers are dumb and cant stand loops or tortuous paths. But the biggest problem is what they project onto the book. Many writers see a fictional book as the perfect story of something good or bad. So, even if something tragic happens, theres a certain rhythm, a certain cadence to it. Obviously, life is not that linear. Life has many stupid things that we leave behind. Not everyone is as likable as book characters are. Or despicable. Even in the best books, you can pretty much point out whos bad and whos good in the end. Thats because we dont really consider how people can screw up and make up for it at the same time.
I pause to nce into her eyes; then, I look ahead of me.
The worst person might do something incredibly good if you capture the right moment. A tyrant may be interested in curing every sickness in his country, but then he will kill his people for the stupidest reason. It depends on when you draw out that image. If you just drew the moment of him trying to save his people from sickness, he would be the most illuminated regent. If you did it during his ughter, he would only be a monster. As some of the best writers do, you could show both, but you would still be missing something. And that something is simply that we make mistakes. That we are nk tes each time, but we are also not. Maybe free will exists. Maybe not. Maybe people fuck you over. But everyone makes mistakes. Russians, some Humans I know, write really well about this stuff. They have messy characters. They dont focus on good or bad, just the emotions that govern the duality of men. Is a person angry? Is a person guided by lust? How does that y out in the wrong or right situation?
Lucinda looks at me with a frown.
So? I think I know what you are trying to say.
You do? Hell, I, myself, dont, Iugh. Look, I just... its fine. I forgive you. You saw an opportunity, and you thought we would both be better off with that.
You are an idiot.
What? when I look at her again, theres clearly some anger on her face.
Chapter 189: Serious
Chapter 189: Serious
You are an idiot!
She repeats the words.
What did I do? I just said that I forgive you?
How can you forgive me?! II betrayed you! I took your magic and brought it to [Archmage] Titus!
So?
You should hate me! You should be disgusted by my sole presence!
Meh,e on, now. Everyone fucks up sometimes.
You
Lucinda looks at me with narrowed eyes and trembling in pure anger.
Look, Lucy, its not a problem. I should have been more upfront with you. You fucked up, yeah. But I was hiding stuff, testing you. I was setting you up to fail. If I had been honest, told you all I could really do, and that I was really talented, would you have betrayed me?
NO! I WOULD
She shouts and flips the table we were sitting at. Like flip. Wow. She also kicks a chair, and then she looks at me so fiercely that I feel like running away to avoid being kicked as well. I look at the truth-stone on the bracelet on my wrist with a stealthy movement. Its something I had udius enchant ording to Lord Juler''s directives. The [Enchanter] said it could be a revolution in truth stones. Its basically impossible to evade the truth with this. And now, its not reacting. Not an ounce of a lie in that statement. I wasnt really being honest in putting this on when I got my hands back on my bag of holding, but Im also not inclined to be fooled again.
We could
Her speech is fragmented and pained when she looks at me.
We could have been a power couple. The secretly great [Mage] who poses as a [Baker] and the hot big-boobed [Archmage] of wonders.
As her gaze moves to the counters, I start going for the door. I recognize that stare. She wants to throw something at me. It has happened in the past already.
You! she grits her teeth and starts walking toward me with a dangerous glint in her eyes.
I give her my signature wink moments before she grabs me by my robe and stares dead into my eyes.
Kiss me, she says.
I mean, isnt this harassment? I say with a benevolent smile while looking wistfully at her deep green eyes.
I said
Before she can speak, Ind a kiss on her lips. And once again, for the first time since west parted, I feel my bones melting. Hell, I feel all my worries melting away. Its like God just threw soap at a metal concert and washed away all the filth from such a sick ce.
We continue kissing without moving, stamping our lips on each other for what feels like a rightful eternity. No one wants to end it; we are trying to freeze this moment of history and mark it with a zing spike on our souls so that we shall one day look again upon it and find sce from it.
When we relent, I have a pained expression on my face, and she looks as sad as me. Maybe sadder. Her face is slightly paler, her eyebrows frowning, her lips pursed, and her mouth slightly open. She wrinkles her nose multiple times.
Is this a goodbye?
Just the thought makes my stomach plunge.
What? she asks with a massive frown.
I mean, you looked all sad, I thought you were going to say we couldnt do anything together now. That we were destined to be apart. I dont know. Maybe add some stuff about how we just hurt each other so much that we shouldnt be
She takes me by my ear, eyes zing again.
Are you an idiot?! Im frowning because you stink! Lets go; you need a bath! she shouts in my ear.
Ouch! Ouch! Ok! Iming, Iming! Let go of my poor ear! Please!
You thought I would leave you?! You goddamn idiot. Not two times. If you want to go, go! Now! she instantly releases my ear and looks at me with her steely expression.
Lucindas not good at expressing emotions. I found out when we were dating. Shes got a very hard-to-break demeanor, and she would rather have something explode under her ass than speak out about how she truly feels. You''ll have to keep your mouth shut around her. You have to anticipate her moves and understand what she wants without asking. Yeah, just a woman thats more of a woman than the average, nothing that strange. But shes also angry, fierce. In a cold way, though. She got handsy after we started dating. Otherwise, she would barely move her body around me. When shes not doing magic, shes always restrained, almost awkward at what shes doing. She observes everything and carefully ponders what to do, even if its the smallest thing.
But now, shes clearly asking a question with her eyes.
I want you, Lucinda. But I have a very important question before we try all of this, I move a finger back and forth between us, again. Can you answer one question truthfully?
The answer is yes, she sighs while her cheeks get some color.
You dont know the question, I say with a frown.
I do.
You dont.
You are a child.
What? You dont know what I was going to ask!
She looks at me pointedly before sighing and putting her hands on her sides.
Come on, ask the question.
No! Now you tell me what you think the question is! I say, putting my hands on my sides as well.
You wanted to ask me if we could have a bath together.
Ha! I wanted to ask if we could
Oh?
How did you know?!
Joey, you love asking stupid stuff when you act serious. When you talk about serious stuff, you act like an idiot. And vice versa.
Oof.
Well, thats true. Anyway, are we still on for the bath?
Lucinda scoffs and goes for the door, leaving the kitchen without looking back.
As Im starting to get depressed about the missed asion, a robe hits me in the face.
Are youing or not?
I look at the garment in my hands and run for the door.
Author Interview, Sunday 26th, 8 PM CET, 2PM NY, 11 AM LA
Author Interview, Sunday 26th, 8 PM CET, 2PM NY, 11 AM LA
Hello boys, since the second volume ising to an end with the public releases and we are approaching the end of volume 3 as well, I thought it would be fun to host an interview with a fan. I''ll be streaming the interview either on YouTube or Twitch and hold it through Zoom.
If you have any question for me, just write it down in thements. Also, if you might be interested in being the interviewer, rying the questions and formting more questions on your own, just shoot me an email at [emailprotected] The requirements to be the interviewer are simply a decent webcam and a decent microphone. Noptop microphones. Stuff like a Blue Yeti mic is good. We''ll do a test run the day before.
I''ll give the precedence to Patrons who want to cover the interviewer''s role. If no one''s found here, I''ll pick from the RR applicants if there are any. I''ll post the linkter on.
Calendar event if you want to save the date.
Chapter 190: Surprise
Chapter 190: Surprise
As Im walking barefoot on the cold stone floor, I realize that something weird is going on. The square stones look sharp, and they are not well-ced that means they have parts that stick out and can cut into your foot. But in this case, its like theres an invisibleyer that makes you float one or two inches above the surface. Call me crazy, but I swear I hadnt noticed before.
Only God knows what the purpose of this is. But as I walk, well-washed and rested, its definitely not my top question for the ce''s owner at the moment.
I find Vrith, Levener, and Lord Juler still reading books as if they were mechanical figurines. They are not doing anything in particr, nor are they faster than a normal person. They are simply reading, taking notes, rarely contemting what they found.
Yo.
No one raises their head when I call them, and I have to wait a couple of minutes before one of them does. And its my least preferred choice.
I take a better look at Levener. You know, if he didnt have the super creepy ck threads going in and out his lips, he would be a good-looking man. Probably in histe thirties or early forties. The guy is built like a tank. His shoulders are so broad he could probably crumple a thick sheet of steel with a tackle.
After another minute, Lord Juler and Princess Vrith look at me as well.
Young Joey Luciani, we are studying matters of great importance. Princess Vrith has finally appraised me of her knowledge and the motive of her decision.
What are you studying? I ask with a raised eyebrow.
Lord Juler gives me a sympathetic smile in response.
I discussed it with the Princess. I dont think its in your best interest to know. It would put you in danger, grave danger. But it appears that matters greater than I had imagined forced my people into the position they are currently upying.
I mean, Lord Juler. I gave you knowledge about radiation. Isnt that even more dangerous than whatever you are researching now?
Dead Light had been discovered long before your arrival, and my ancestor gifted you not one but two Relics. The book you own is worth more than you could ever imagine, and its supposed to be in the hands of my family. The fact that my ancestor lets you have it is a sign of his greatest generosity.
I almost freak out when I hear a second male voice in the room. What the hell
Its projected into your brain directly. Im Levener of the Epodes.
Of the what? I look at the mothertrucker with a stick up his ass. This guy doesnt like me, does he?
That would be my descendant, apparently. And you almost fried him alive, Joey Luciani. Thats why he doesnt like you. You also shouted a fascinating stream of profanities, some of which I had never heard before, Lord Juler sighs in his new body.
Ok. Listen, lets start from the simple stuff, I say while giving a long look at the descendant of Lord Juler. One, how are you moving around? Two, are we in one of the Nine Towers? Three, am I a prisoner?
Lord Juler snorts at thest question.
Princess Vrith, as I imagine your young friend might have mentioned already, had an Alchemical Homunculus. Its one of the few receptacles capable of hosting a soul without letting it degrade. You could think of my previous connection with your soul and the book as a very subpar Homunculus. Before you ask any more questions on the subjectno, it doesnt give me my abilities and levels back. Its simr to possession, if you know what that is. But its like possessing a Golem.
Weird.
Yes, it isit certainly is, Lord Juler passes a hand through his long Gandalf-like beard. But its nice. Even the semnce of life is better than ethereal oblivion.
Meh, when I asked if you wanted a body, you said no to me. Whats so special about this chick that you went all crazy about it, huh?
I admit Im speaking with a pinch of jealousy.
Disrespect for the Princess shall not
For the first time since the start of the conversation, Vrith moves. She simply raises a hand at Levener, and her disciple goes silent.
The Princess is thest documented [Hero] of our kind, Joey Luciani. She also has Royal blood. Among the Vanedenis, there are certain practices that... suffice to say that her natural talents are legendary. And the fact that shes still alive and kickingat first, I thought she had betrayed our kind. But then I discovered that shes simply embarked on the greatest fight our people have ever faced.
Lord Juler goes silent for a moment.
Are you doing a pause for suspense and effect? I ask with a sigh.
A fight against fate!
I click my tongue and yawn.
Whatever, Lord Juler. Please, spare me the theatrics and shorten this whole thing. Thank you.
Chapter 191: Criminal
Chapter 191: Criminal
You suffered an incredible loss at Leveners hand, Lord Juler exins. Its not surprising you can barely remember it. Yourck of fundamental knowledge truly showed. Princess Vrith, as I had already told her, was rash. We shouldnt have allowed such a match. Not until you really learn some magic.
Didnt you just say I almost killed him?
Almost doesnt matter. Theres only one winner.
Thats Leveners voice in my head again.
Ok, buddy. Whatever makes you sleep at night. But now, Lord Juler. This whole fate thing... did you tell something to Lucinda about it?
No, Joey Luciani. Your friend is not aware of the information we are keeping from you. Princess Vrith has exined some things about the Omnium Compendium and your growth to her, though. She also knows that you are not properly from this world. But we will leave the details to you.
What? What do you mean? I ask, confused. Why would you tell her about meing from another world?
You saved her, Vrith suddenly speaks out. Tides do not cross if they are not meant to. When they do, great cmities or boons are generated. Hiding harmless things is a practice reserved for Teikos people, not a disciple of a Vanedeni.
I look nkly ahead and nce at Lord Juler.
The Princess is invoking Vanedeni customs. We dont keep secrets unless we really need to. Secrets and insults are taboo in our culture. As far as traditionalism goes, Im not a great conservator I mostly busied myself with the study of magic throughout the years. But she is right. That was the best choice, and it is a courtesy to you that we are leaving the details in your hands. We also asked her to wait for you to talk about it and not reveal anything until then.
Ok, wait a second.
I fish in my bag of holding and recoil for a second when I find a missing corpse.
We teleported Atticuss body to his family estate, Lord Juler rifies.
Mh.
I take out a cylinder of metal and slowly uncork the top. Then, I take out a cup with a heating enchantment. As my coffee heats up and bes sippable, I massage my forehead with the other hand.
Ok. Vanedenis. Ok.
I take a long sip in a general state of silence. At least Lucindas not here. She gave me some privacy to talk with these three nutjobs.
The Canti are involved, arent they? And your people. Thats what fate means, I say with the cup''s rim still touching my lips, basically speaking into the coffee.
Princess Vrith looks sharply at me and purses her lips.
It is not a matter of your concern, Levener says in a deep voice.
Listen, baldie, I dont know whats your problem with meif you are jealous or whatever, but can you drop this act? I mean, are you slightly autistic or something? Or are you just stupid? Because I swear, Im liking this conversation less and less. And your presence here is certainly not required on my ount.
Levener looks good, as I already said. He has a shaved head and a body-builder frame. Even his face is good-looking. And he seems like one of those not-evidently-strong people; more like secretly-super-strong-grandpa-strong.
Insults among the Vanedenis
Vrith raises her hand again, shutting him up. I look at her hand this time and find it incredibly normal. Its a bit consumed by the writing, and you can clearly see some calluses on it. Its not what you would expect from a centuries-old mystical Princess. Its more like what you would expect from a middle-aged librarian who enjoys her job but is frustrated by all the red tape.
You are too young, Vrith says in her broken speech patterns. And now, everyone is hunting for you.
Huh?
The Elves have dered you a criminal, charged you with treason, and ordered your immediate execution if you are to be found anywhere. Dead or alive, but preferably dead.
I look at Lord Juler and think I didnt hear correctly.
A criminal?
They are using the death of Appius as a pretext. They say it wasnt you who killed Adriana and Appius, but my master. They are using you of allying with the Vanedeni royalty and taking part in arger conspiracy to cripple the future of Lucerna.
I look nkly at Levener and fix my gaze on him even once hes done talking.
They are afraid of your magic, Joey Luciani. They think you are a Vanedeni hero.
This time, its Lord Juler speaking.
Butwhat about Stan, King Tiberius? And Laura?
We are intercepting everymunication channel, even the most cryptic ones. The pce has restored the exiled Queen, and Princess Laura has returned to court. King Tiberius or Stan, as you call him has gone back to the royal pce. Hes brought the Kings children with him, and hes teaching them magic personally.
I dont understand.
The swift death of two [Archmages] and their best prospect for the future is a political earthquake. Feeble foundations hold this country up. Elves are duplicitous and weak. At least Hydras are just duplicitous. But the problem is that the current royal family is at risk of losing power while other families try to capitalize on its weakness. King Tiberius needs to help his descendants consolidate their power. And they need to show a united front; thats why their Queen is back, Lord Juler says.
And Princess Laura? I ask, bbergasted.
She has a new marriage arrangement, and shes willing to go through with it this time. If she doesnt, the Kingdom of Lucerna might undergo a civil war.
And she didnt fight this? Are you telling me that the Laura I know is just going along with this circus? And what about a civil war? Isnt Stan strong enough to quash whatever opposition they have? And why am I a criminal?!
When Princess Vrith teleported us away, Princess Laura asked to be brought back to her mother immediately. She went to visit her and, while traveling, she begged King Tiberius to pardon her. He did, for some reason. And he should be strong enough. But politics is not just about massacring everyone when you are at the helm. The noble families of Lucerna could have the kingdom burn in a fortnight. Even if King Tiberius could protect the royal family, he couldnt protect all their subjects. The nobles hold a lot of power at the moment, especially since Lauras endorsement of you created many enemies for the royal family at the Nine Towers Academy. And thats why you are a criminal now. They trialed you as a treacherous spy at court and decreed that you are to be executed. This quelled some of the voices at the academy and among the nobles suggesting they were plotting with you. They are simply taking their distance to keep their power intact.
And so, all I did, all Laura did, was for nothing?
They act based on convenience, Joey Luciani. I wouldnt be surprised if I were you, Lord Juler gives me a small, regretful nod.
And why shouldnt I be surprised?! I say with a note of anger in my voice.
Lord Juler looks at me solemnly, with a gaze that could pierce not just stone but even pure diamond. Few times have I seen him with such gravitas about him.
Because they are not Vanedenis.
Chapter 192: The Future
Chapter 192: The Future
So, Princess Vrith said I should go explore the world or something. Travel, study more magic, and go on adventures. She said that even though my talent is as pure as a crystal found by the greediest of Teikos inhabitants, I should go and have my way or something. They really have some beef with those people, dont they? I tell Lucinda.
The Vanedenise from Teiko. Their migration to Kome is shrouded in legends. Some even argue they were never on Teiko and that they always only inhabited Kome. Thats why they despise them so much. Anyway, are you going to follow Vriths advice?
Im not sure. They even proposed I go to Kome because some great stuff is bound to happen there in the near future. They dont know how near, though.
You are going to Kome? Lucinda asks me in disbelief.
We are sitting at a table in the kitchen, having a private conversation after my meet-and-greet with Vrith and Levener. Lucindas been asking questions about the future and what will happen now. Shes been trying to ignore it as much as possible, but she has beenbeled a traitor too. Her being rescued by me was apparently enough to decree, with a push from [Archmage] Titus, that shes in cahoots with the evil Human.
Going to the continent full of madmen? The people who pride themselves in starting civil wars when someone insults them? Hell no. I love living, and I dont like being beaten up.
Lucinda sighs in relief, but the doubt is still thick in the air.
So?
I dont know. I have a couple of ideas, but nothing too good for now. What about you?
Princess Vrith asked me if I want to study here under her. I wont be a disciple, just amon student. There are many details to define, though. I wouldnt be able toe and go freely. We are still at the Nine Towers Academy, and if anyone saw me, my life would be at risk. But Im not sure Im ready to stay years alone with Vrith and Levener for years and years until I be strong enough to protect myself. I dont want to be locked in a cage.
I look at Lucindas hard features for a second. She has a special coldness about her, something deep and cautious. She always talks with a hint of dismissal, even though her eyes often betray her and light up in excitement. This woman is a walking contradiction with a massive set of curves.
Well, at least you dont have a huge bakery under construction over in Amorium. From what I heard, construction has already started, and Lakaris has alreadypleted some of it. His team is fast; I have to admit.
Lakaris? As in the famous [Architect]?
Yep. I got him to build me a huge-ass bakery. Actually, its more like a castle. But Im not sure it will do me any good. I cant return to my normal life in Amorium, or Ill be hunted. I could try to rally up the people around me and build resistance. Hell, I could even use the bakery as my fortress. But Im not in the mood for a civil war.
Youve done a lot of things since I left Amorium.
Since you left me.
An awkward silence falls between us as an invisible wall and cuts off our feelings of empathy for each other. But soon, the wall wille down again.
I dont know, Lucy. Im not going to war with a country just because they are being douchebags. Ill just act stealthily. I have a couple of ideas for the future, and Vrith has already confirmed she can help. Those three will study some weird abstract stuff to uncover what will happen on Kome. Again, very mysterious and esoteric, so dont ask me. But that means Ill be on my own. Lord Juler has to take care of his people. Ill be practicing with the Omnium Compendium, but the thing has a very practical focus, and I doubt Ill learn the theory Im supposed to know already. Right now, magic is the only thing I have left. I cant go back to baking. Not now.
What about Laura? Lucinda suddenly asks. You were engaged to the Elven Princess.
You have bigger boo
She kicks me under the table so strongly she almost splits my shin.
Ouch!
Pig.
I sh her my signature wink.
Answer the question.
Whatever I think that I was bouncing back from our rtionship and made a few errors of judgement there. I confused her reluctance with wisdom. Shes not that bad. But shes not good either. And when you are in a position of great power, not being good means you are evil. So, I dont know. I might decide to overthrow the kingdom of Lucerna if I get bored enough.
Bored of what?
Of that aOUCH!
I slide my chair back and hug my tender shin.
You are a brute!
She just stares daggers at me.
My dad always said not to mess with Southern Italian women, but thats because he didnt know Elves, apparently. He was worried Id get shot by an overprotective father, but Elves can be even nastier, huh?
Before she can say anything, I continue.
I have no idea whats going down. The people I thought were my friends bailed. Domiti is too weak, and if I reach out to her, she might also be charged with treason. Same for Lucillus. I have some business to take care of in Amorium, but that will be it. Once Im done over there, Ill figure out what to do next. Anyway, Ill need a good couple of days before Ipletely recover from the fight. My Mana is still a wreck.
All the [Archmages] are after you. And now, the nobles too.
Its only a matter of time before I get powerful enough that I wont be the worried one anymore. If they have even the slightest idea of what I can do, they will be shitting themselves.
Lord Juler mentioned your radiation, Lucinda says with a level face.
Cool, huh?
Terrifying.
Id say cool, but whatever. I need to develop something to assess how much of a dose I got. Same for you. We risk organ failure, thyroid problems, and a whole lot of nasty stuff. Not that a couple of indirect injections would be enough to cause too much damage. But I have to see how much radiation is released into the environment. Lord Juler and I had to hurry up with the research, and we cut some corners, to be honest.
Lucinda sighs and gets up.
Im tired. Ill see youter. Its stillte. Get some more rest, and well talk again tomorrow.
Chapter 193: A World Of Magic
Chapter 193: A World Of Magic
Dont you want to go back to the bakery, though?
Thats what Lucinda asks while Im making lunch. I made Vrith transport some supplies, and Im cooking for everyone.
Sunk cost facy, Lucy. If you have spent a lot on something, it doesnt mean you should still be throwing money or time at it just because. Im done with baking. For now, at least. I dont see any reason I should be going back to Amorium or trying to fight my sentence.
Arent you angry?
I stop finely cutting the pork belly to take a big breath.
Yep. Obviously, I exhale, but what should I do? Start a covert war with the nobles? Go against the entire Royal Family? Should I start murdering every single enemy I have? Nah, thank you. Ill mind my own business. If people who figure out who I am and where I am want to mess with me, Ill take care of them. But I think we have both assessed that I can probably fry anything short of an [Archmage] from the inside out.
Lucinda sighs and nods.
Also, if you can learn from Vrith, you are set. She and Lord Juler are the real deal. The Vanedenis are as crazy as mad cows, but they are also the strongest, arent they?
They are losing the continental war on Kome. They have been losing for centuries now.
And yet, they are still fighting. Also, they fought each other because of a crazy necromancer. And if Vrith went back, she could easily ughter all their enemies and lead the Vanedenis to victory.
Lucinda shrugs and looks at the food Im making with a raised eyebrow.
Is that a, what is it called again?
Carbonara.
Is it the one with milk?
I look at her with a disgusted expression.
Jesus. Where are you from? New Jersey? Disgusting.
No? Which one was the milky thing? I could have sworn it was this one, she says with a glint in her eyes.
I am not entertaining these satanic talks, please, I say while waving a hand. Also, as I was saying. You are good. I have a little proposal for us. Later. Not now. But learning magic from them? Man, people would kill for itmaybe even cause genocide. Given the murderous tendencies of Elves, I wouldnt be surprised.
Have you decided what to do? she asks, ignoring what I just said.
Im good.
You are not.
I am!
Lucinda throws a spoon at me that I have to block with some magic before it cannd in the food Im making.
Hey! Manners! Im cooking!
Answer the question! she starts raising her voice.
I did!
You didnt! she shouts.
I did!
I can see some sparks of magic in Lucindas hand, and I decide that maybe its best not to escte the situation. Shes worried for me, I know. She has no right to be, dont get me wrong. But it feels good that someone is worried about me. And the few weeks we really spent together gave her a good sense of how my emotions show up.
I dont know. Im a bit lost, to be honest.
No one wanted to helpno, no one helped. Thats even worse.
You shouldnt concern yourself with others. You survived what I did to you. Im sure you can keep going.
I take my eyes away from the pans and pots for a second.
It still hurts like a bitch, Lucy. The fact that I could take it doesnt mean it didnt hurt. I dont know. I simply thought Stan would help when worse came to worst.
There are political interests that are much bigger than you.
You know Ie from a world without magic, right?
Lord Juler told me something about it. So?
Where Ie from, I wouldnt expect people to help me just because. No magic, no levels. That means theres very little to gain from risking your life. Note that some still do risk their lives. Policemen and firefighters, to name a couple. But the point is that I would understand if no one came to help me. Why would they, right?
I pick up a whisk and look at the fine metal lines before looking at Lucinda again. The simple instrument reflected a life I had decided to abandon. And now I was paying the price for it.
In a world without magic, its fine to be whoever you are. If you are a coward or weak, its fine. Theres really nothing most people can do about it. Some Humans since we are talking just about Humans are happy with being weak. Aspiring to a grand life is, in a sense, meaningless. Everyone dies in the same way. Whether its between silks or rags, everyone kicks the bucket equally.
Heres different, Lucinda sighs, hinting at the awareness of what I will say next.
Yeah. Heres different. You can be immortal. And even more, you can level so much that you be a literal [Hero]. Every single one of you matters, in a way. You just have to put the work in, buckle up, and be ready to go down with a fight. So
Why dont we? Lucinda finished my sentence.
Yeah.
People are scared of dying in the same way they are in your world. No one is immune to fear. The fact that we gain levels, while your people dont, doesnt really change what happens inside your head, does it?" she asks.
It should. It he should.
When she puts a hand over mine, I realize I was about to fall into my thoughts, willing to abandon reality for as long as possible.
Ill have your back, Lucinda tells me, cringing slightly at her own words.
Thats something unusual from you.
Ill leave you to die, then, she snorts, taking her hand away.
I grip her arm before she can get away.
Nah. Next time an [Archmage] picks a fight with me, Ill tell them to meet with you first. You better study hard with Vrith, you know?
Are you jealous of her? You have been mentioning the Princess a lot.
Jealous? I snort.
But before I can continue, a part of me starts aching.
A little? I dont know. It feels weird that Lord Juler is not in my head anymore. He felt like a like a
Lord Juler felt like a father to me.
And thats something that I had lost a long time ago.
Chapter 194: Vanedenis
Chapter 194: Vanedenis
You have reacquainted yourself with the young woman, Lord Juler says.
Meh, big words. We are getting intimate. If theres something more, well find out eventually. Im not getting my hopes up too much. Women, Lord Juler, they are dangerous. They get inside your head. Like some other [Supreme Archmagi], Id say.
The old man raises an eyebrow and curls the corners of his mouth. However, he moves his gaze to the horizon right after. Its dawn. I spent most of the previous day gathering my strength and resting. And, yes, fooling around with Lucinda a little. Im only human, after all. Lord Juler is showing me, from a huge, warded window, thest tower standing in the Nine Towers Academy.
Sziezais was an [Archmage] here. For a while. Im not sure what these Elves know. But I can still feel his magic there. Vrith told me that she tried to enter, but the traps, wards, and monsters over there are extremely dangerous. She almost died. There are numerous suppression spells, and she couldnt even safely teleport herself out.
Itsforting to know that shes not that strong. Would you say shes stronger than you were at your peak?
Lord Juler looks at me, this time with a wide smile.
Ie from the greatest generation of [Heroes], and I was the greatest warrior and spellcaster, bar none, Joey Luciani. Do you think that a misguided child would be stronger?
I mean, you were both studying important stuff. And you fangirled a lot, to be honest. Who knows?
I am a shadow of my peak, Joey Luciani. Vrith has made incredible progress on her own, but shes more of a [Schr] than a warrior. I could have brought down that tower in a day if I had wished so.
So long? Betcha Ill take it down in a minute in a few years, I snort.
I hope I will see that, the man replies, still looking at the tower. Now, his expression has turned somewhat mncholic. Great enemies gue my people, Joey Luciani. Great enemies that even at my peakthey are too strong. And Vrith has uncovered, through painstaking and religious studying, things that deeply unsettle me. Ill need to research, to study. If it were up to me, I woulde to see you grow into the strongest [Mage]. And I would try to bring you on Kome to let the rest of my family see how a [Mage] should fight. Im sure I could even arrange a marriage with a woman that would throw herself in mes for you. But I know your heart is still not set, is it?
The deep talk that suddenly spurted out of Lord Juler has me reeling. It honestly hits differently when an old man goes a bit sentimental on you. Theres no denying the Freudian principles of paternal figures here. The man in front of me is the person who kept me sane for so long.
Im sure that fate will bring me to see your people, Lord Juler.
Foolish disciple... my people are dying. Maybe they have already died. Even Vrith is but a shadow of greatness. And this is not by chance but by design. I''ve already said enough; let me speak no more of it.
We stay silent for a second, looking at the tower that Lord Julers enemy had made impossible to conquer.
Ill have to conquer that tower, wont I? Its thewhats the name of that thing. When you pass the baton to the new generation. The symbol of it is me entering there, guns zing, hat tooting.
Tooting?
I dont know. I said hat, and I didnt know how to finish the sentence. Tooting sounded good enough.
Lord Juler snorts.
My people have faded, Joey Luciani. They have lost their way. Their marrow is still the same, but it will take a great [Hero] to re-awaken the dormant blood. And more than one hero at that, I fear. And when fate calls for great [Heroes], it brings even bigger monsters. You walk with my will, Joey Luciani. You will be roped in. Not by Vrith or me. But the circumstances will call for your action. You can choose to ignore it. If you wish to run away, I could make arrangements with Vrith. Some ces are peaceful and safe. You could put magic aside and go back to baking. This is my parting gift to you, the life you wished to have when you first came here.
I look at the man who didnt even turn to look at me.
He probably couldnt.
A [Hero] of a past generation who spent months by my side, teaching me stuff that only the greatest [Supreme Archmagus] could know. How would he feel if I suddenly decided to throw away all we had worked for together?
I know hes hoping that I dont go back to normalcy. But this is not a simple decision. I might really regret not returning to being a simple baker. Even if the Elves are out to get me now, Im sure there are many ces in this world where I could live undisturbed. And if everyone behaves like these Elves have so far, whats in it for me? What happens the next time I get betrayed?
Yeah, its a big word.
Betrayal.
Its not something we should utter with a light heart. But isnt that what happened?
No one fought alongside me. Ive spent what, almost a year here? And who came to fight on my side? Who feltpelled to help me, apart from a man literally bound to my soul?
And that presents you with some ugly questions.
Am I worth it? Am I worth saving? Did they note because I am not worth it?
Am I the problem? What was I supposed to have done to be loved enough for them to help me or even just protest?
Lord Juler, I have one question before I make the decision. Its going to sound really stupid; I know. But I need an answer.
Go ahead, Joey Luciani.
If the Vanedenis had seen what happened in the arena, what would have happened? If I had found friends among the Vanedenis, would they have helped me? Would they have jumped in the arena for me?
Lord Juler looks at me, knowing Im just looking for a ce to belong.
If you became one of my people, Joey Luciani? Is that the question? Would the Vanedenis jump in the arena for one of theirs?
I mean, can I even be one of you? Isnt that given by blood?
Lord Juler snorts and shakes his head.
We dont believe in silly things, Joey Luciani. If you have the spirit of a Vanedeni, you are one. We have exiled and excised the dry branches. We are losing the war against the Ahali because of our declining and partially extinguished spirit that was the priceless thing about us. So, are you asking me, if you proved to be worthy of my people and bonded with some of them, would they jump in front of an [Archmage] to protect you? Is that the question?
Yes.
If you were a Vanedeni or even just a friend of my people, Lord Juler turns to me, staring dead in the eyes, they wouldnt jump.
I sigh, ready to resign myself to a mediocre life
They would raze this entire Nation to the ground.
Chapter 195: Legends
Chapter 195: Legends
At some point, you start wondering whats a legend and whats true about the Vanedenis. They sound like they are the greatest madmen of all time. I mean, even Stan warned me to stay as far as possible from them. He said they were dangerous and unhinged people. But after todays chat with Lord Juler, Im not sure about that.
Honestly, the Vanedenis sound like [Heroes] to me. They sound like everything a person wants to be, everything we should be. And that sounds too good. I mean, when you listen to the stories Lord Juler tells really closely, you start getting a very particr image. They are not just [Heroic]; they are ready to do anything. And no one insults a Vanedeni unless they are ready to start a war. Or, to be more precise, insulted. Now, they are confined to their continent, Kome, a natural wonder with cliffs miles above the sea level. If you want to reach it, you either climb or have the famous flying vessels that Lord Juler was telling me about ferry you up there. Most teleports fail on Kome because theres much more Mana than is usual. Apparently, its the wealthiest continent in this world.
And the Vanedenis used to own it.
Again, past tense.
Now, they are headed toward extinction. When Vrith killed Mauser, they lost all hopes of winning. I mean, all reasonable hopes. And they are unreasonable people. But, if Lord Juler is right, it takes nothing more than one good [Hero] among the Vanedenis to start it back up again. But the Ahali, some weird race of huge monkey-rabbits, have been really smart in the past couple of centuries. They dont engage the Vanedenis anymore. They try to avoid conflict at all costs. They just starve them. And they ignore them too. They are taking away their importance and their history, and they have already taken away their capital city in the most famous night assault in known history. Some countries mark that day as a national holiday thats how much people hate the Vanedenis.
But the more I hear about them, the more it seems they are just holding everyone to a standard thats too high. And when you are confronted by such high standards, you feel inadequate. Its like when someone in your friend group is too sessful. You naturally start hating them, dont you? Even just a little bit. Especially if you think youll never be able to reach those heights or, even worse, if you are toozy to try.
And everyone, therefore, hates the Vanedenis.
They hate the idea, the sheer thought that these people could be so great.
They also lost arge number of soldiers and artifacts when the Ahali attacked on the one day when it might have worked.But they could still have won if they had followed Mauser, the crazy necromancer. Mauser had started killing his own people and using dark rituals to empower the living and the undead, bonding them into overpowered monstrosities eugenics at its finest. But the heart of some Vanedenis was still in the right ce when that happened. And Princess Vrith created a resistance. A huge civil war broke out right when the Vanedenis were on the verge of conquering the continent. Most history books dont even mention it, but the Ahali had simply retreated for years. They waited at the fringes of Kome, hidden away until the Vanedenis ended the fratricide. They stomped the bloodied grass of those rich pastures and went on to finish the job.
Or so they tried.
The Ahali, even after years of civil war, could barely push the Vanedenis back. It took them centuries of favorable conditions and reinforcements from every nation in the world to drive them to the brink of extinction. And even then, they are still careful not to push too much, not to put the Vanedenis with their backs to the wall onest time. Why? Because they believe that their blood could awaken. Also, they believed that some [Hero] of old could emerge and lead a ughter of insane proportions. Instead, they just let them rot without a real conflict, almost exiled. They still fight the battles, but the Ahali send high-level individuals to take care of the settlements that turn too rebellious. Very few great nobles remain on the Vanedeni side. And fewer still keep waging war.
Lucinda told me that theres currently a certain Lady Goldith Rodinia that still fights tooth and nail and that the Ahali are increasingly afraid of her. She still has Relics of old, and shes the most promising warrior of her generation. She has killed [Dragonyers], the most fearful Ahali warriors. Yeah, I knowweird stuff. But apparently, theres a lot of bad blood between Ahali and Dragons. They say that if the Vanedenis werent still a threat, the Ahali would storm thends of Dragons to take them down once and for all.
But even though they are bing a faded legend, I saw, beforeing to the Nine Towers Academy, what that one Vanedeni girl could do I can only imagine what an entire poption of fearless warriors could be like. And they say that only the most cowardly of them leave the rocky shores of Kome.
But now, after finding out more about them, its clear that one more attempt at Heroing is certainly worth it. This academy fiasco will be a reminder of why trusting people is not great but also that I had a good time with those people. Im not willing to be thoroughly disillusioned just because of one bad oue.
Theres more to do out there. And even though Lady Luck will chase me on the way, whats life without a woman to flirt with, huh? How can you have fun without a bit of spice? And would you renounce the chance to look for fading legends? I mean, on the one hand, they shouldnt even exist, and maybe Lord Juler and Vrith are just poserswho knows? But if they are not, where does that leave us?
Chapter 196: + Interview Link in the Notes
Chapter 196: + Interview Link in the Notes
I take a good long look at the diagrams Im sketching down for the guide. Using [Advanced Mana Sense]bined with [Tracking] is good, but not refined enough if I want to cure bone metastases. The main problem so far is that the guide has not followed the same rigorous process used for the main spell. Lord Juler and I have approximated whatever Mana coordinateS are seen through [Advanced Mana Sense]; thats how it worked in battle. But if Im working with small patches of bone cancer, I need more precision than that. And its not about the main spell, its about creating a superior tracker to guide it. Incidentally, such a thing will have its own utility in battles too. But thats not why I am doing this.
I have decided to go forward with my idea. I mean, I kind of contradicted myself. I am not going to Kome anytime soon. Especially not before bing strong enough to protect myself, thats for sure. But what Im going to do is keep my word with Antoninus. I need to cure his mother. And its not going to be an easy task. I have already spoken with Vrith, and I think it will take several days, maybe weeks worth of radiation. And before we proceed, Im preparing, with the help of Lord Juler, some experiments to judge the residue of radiation inside an irradiated object. Also, I need to finish studying [Regenerate]. Thats a Tier 6 spell, bordering on Tier 7. And nope, its not just a matter of talent. The spell matrix you need to cast is humongous. I barely have enough Mana for one simple application.
Joey, the Princess has said she has the coordinate down. If you want, we can proceed.
I hear Lucinda from just outside the room.
I take onest look at all my research.
Ive been studying for two entire weeks. Im not sure I can do better than this without several months worth of research. And Im not sure Antoninuss mother has so much to live.
Well, lets go then, I say while taking some parchment with me for notes and a few diagrams.
Are you sure about this? Lucinda asks me once again.
Well, as long as she doesnt see Vrith, Lord Juler, or anyone else, why not?
She is a very strong adventurer, Joey. She could get antsy during the healing process. And she could try to kill you.
Meh. Whatever.
I ignore the possibilities while going through the illuminated corridors and stairways of Vriths tower. The weird stones we are basically floating upon are the usual sore thumb in the eye I wish someone with a better sense of dcor would take care of this ce.
And while taking narrow spiral staircases and asionally ncing at Lucindas rear, bigger and bigger questions starting to me.
If the guide fails, is there the risk she will hemorrhage?
If the experiments are not a correct representation of reality, will she slowly die in a year or two?
If I had to choose between a world of only big asses and t chests or t asses and big boobs, what would I pick?
Great doubts, including questions that had been gued mankind since its inception, hade to torture me. Its inevitable. The brain tries to distract you from the most important thingsboobs. Probably. But anyway, most of the stuff I had theorized and practiced with Lord Juler now worked. To further my experiments, I need to start the treatment. Hell, this is going to be very experimental in nature. And not experimental like you see in hospitals: there, when you get an experimental something, its already gone through several phases. Here, Id say that apart from the Joey+Juler phase, we are pretty much at the beginning of things.
You dont owe them anything, Joey, Lucinda says. People want you dead.
People want a lot of stuff that they cant have, Lucy. I, for once, would like ten wives very gifted in both departments. Sadly, its not going to happen.
Lucinda doesnt even turn back to look at me. Shes more than used to my jokes and weird remarks. Itsforting, really. Say all you want about this woman, but at least I can be myself around her.
Ill be there with you in case we need to restrict her movements, she says, dead serious.
Ok.
There is no point in arguing with a woman when you are talking about another woman. It doesnt matter what subject you are brushing up on always tell the women they are right about other women. If you dont, its your funeral. And if you are asking why, its the same as having a friend with a restaurant. You would never tell that another restaurant has something on them, would you? Well, apply the same for whatever rtionship you have with women, even your mother, and you shall live a life of eternal happiness.
We arrive in front of a door, and I can hear incoherent sounds from outside.
Is she here? I ask.
Lucinda nods.
I slowly open the door, finding Antoninuss mother on a bed, restricted by several knots and enchanted leathers.
Hello there, I say with a smile. Do you remember me?
She looks much better than thest time. Lord Juler casted a plethora of spells that kept her healthier and let her pain subside. Now, though, she looks pale again, and its clear that even though shes been feeling better, her body hasnt. Shes extremely thin, bordering on skeletrical.
You she erupts in a fit of cough with her head reclining on her feeble chest.
The restrictions are because of your levels. Im hunted, at the moment. I could havee to Amorium, but this whole process will take anything from a few weeks to a few months. Youll be fed, and I can keep youpany when you are awake.
She looks around with wide eyes as soon as her coughing relents.
Where are we?
I cant tell you, for obvious reasons. But no one is going to hurt you. And if you were to choose so, Ill send you back. But if you do go back without being cured, you will die. I have a good shot at curing you, but I need your total coboration.
The woman bites the insides of her cheek for a second before narrowing her eyes and looking around once again. Thankfully, shes much more practical than the average man. Why? Shes a Gold Ranker.
Lets do it.
Chapter 197: Side Effects
Chapter 197: Side Effects
I have a question for you.
If you had to guess, what would you say is the most Human of activities? Maybe, the most Humanoid? But lets keep it among us, t-eared Humans, ok? What is the one thing, the one activity that we all share, regardless of age, sex, religion, or color?
MOTHERFUCKER!
Its all good. Its part of the process. Your body is expelling the disease, so to say.
MY BODY IS SHITTING THE DISEASE, YOU GOLEM FETISHIST!
I have no idea why thats an insult, nor do I want to know.
It turns out that healing Antoninuss mother is not a clean business. I knew I would encounter some problems, but I didnt know I would be wiping shit off a grown womans ass. As you can imagine, filling her body with radiation is not the best for the rest of her system. Mostly, shes been super weak with really bad shit. And do you know that most editors in the world would prefer if you never used the word really in writing? Well, even your worst grammar-Nazi friend would agree with me if they could see, or even just smell, what Im dealing with right now.
Come on, udia. You are a big girl.
I HATE YOU!
I mean, Im not happy about this either, you know?
I cast another [Cleanse] when a new stream of fecal matterIll save you the hairy details, ok?
Long story short, the treatment is working. However, the side effects are bad. Following a much-needed series of experiments, I found that the dispersed radiation was minimal. Negligible in almost all cases. Whats the exception? Well, when Im literally irradiating your body. Thats the goddamn exception.
Oh, Jesus, I just burped something that made my mouth taste like shit.
Come on. We should be done in about a week.
Another month has gone by with me secluded with a bunch of lunatics in a stupid tower. Also, Lucinda doesnt like my n for the future that much. She says its stupid and pointless. Meh. I should take a souvenir from this toilet for her.
Whatever, I still intend to go ahead with it.
See, you dont always need to find pleasure in your work. Sometimes you do stuff to help or to understand something better. Do you think that nurses like their jobs? Hell no. Doctors? Do you have any idea what doctors have to go through every day? But they still save people. Police? Well, when they are not shooting the innocent, they do one hell of a job.
And so, Im not finding much pleasure in this. But I know that Im helping a person that would otherwise die. We both know it. But Im not really fraternizing much with Antoninuss mother. Shes a woman harder than a nail, probably able to literally bend steel with her arms once shes back in shape. And even though she has beenining a lot, she has gone through all the pain that I caused her with a smile. She knows that the treatment is working. The curse is slowly fading. Ive taken care of the most delicate spots in her body, but now Im dedicated to the bigger bones.
The most challenging thing is not causing fractures and applying [Regenerate] at the right intervals. It takes a lot of effort and Mana. Hell, I have even gained a level while doing this. And not just in my main ss! My [Researcher] ss is making some progress as well!
Im good, udia says while hoisting herself up from the toilet while I help her get back to bed. She can now walk with rtive ease if I help her. We are taking care of her legs at the moment.
Well, thats all for today, I tell her. I cant wait to hit the sack, hoping Lucinda will cuddle me a little before falling asleep.
Joey, can I ask you a question before you go?
Shoot.
What will you do when we are done, kid?
Im not sure you are much older than me, are you? Isnt Antoninus twenty-something? Whatever. Anyway, Ive ns I cant reveal. Im not going to kill anyone, though. I mean, unless they attack me first, I guess.
I wasnt asking that. I meant, are you going to help others with my condition?
There are not many people like you out there. But if I do meet someone with [Rottenbone], sure. Ill help them. Free of charge.
You know, I could repay you with some udia, like the shameless Gold Ranker she is, winks at me.
Oh, sure. Let Antoninus kill me because I had sex with his ill mother. Or wait. We dont even need Antoninus; we can just wait for Lucinda to suffocate me in my sleep.
I wont talk if you dont.
I sigh and rub my face.
Adventurers, thats my onlyment.
You learn to have fun when you risk your life every day.
Thats why I sold baked goods to adventurers. They dont save a penny. They burn through money so fast that Im impressed. And I mean, a woman Adventurer must be even worse.
udiaughs and nods.
You bet. But noble-style clothes are only good if you dont rip them during sex. Which I do.
Here we go again.
Whatever, Im going to sleep, I tell the woman.
Oh,e on, Joey, you have already seen everything!
Yeah, thats true. But it was necessary for the treatment and to help her clean herself. She asked that I do it and not Lucinda. Now, Im starting to doubt the motive for that choice.
And you still havent answered! You became a Gold rank, but you still dont enjoy life! You should get drunk and have mad sex all the time! Catch a disease or two in a brothel! What do you need a girlfriend for at your age!
I mean, I hear you. I dont dislike the opportunity, but Im busy with a lot of work.
Man, Im bing Lucinda, I suddenly say with a shiver. You know what, udia? Maybe you are right. Ive been working a tad too hardtely. Maybe I should find something that rxes me a bit.
I have quite the idea, she says while pulling down the heavy bedsheets weakly.
Yeah, sure. Goodnight!
I run away from her room.
Chapter 198: Caring
Chapter 198: Caring
As Im looking for more books on magic and anatomy, I hear footsteps.
Your smell is unbearable, Levener says to my mind.
Thank you, buddy. I hope you choke on it. Or better, I hope you get sinusitis Id be curious to see how you would manage all that, I say, pointing at my own mouth as a reference.
We dont get along much, to be honest. He idolizes Princess Vrith, and I dont give a damn about either of them. My disrespect has started irking him. Also, hes still angry about me trying to fry him in our duel.
Your mental defenses are still mediocre, he says.
Havent had much time to practice them. Unlike you, Im not spending my days fantasizing about I catch my tongue before starting a fight. Do you have something to tell me? Im looking up some stuff about curses like [Rottenbone]. Im trying to understand if rpse is a possibility or if udias strong constitution will be enough to prevent the disease from resurfacing in the future. I mean, if it goes away from her head, we should be in the clear. But who knows?
I want to show you something, the big, buff man says.
Pass.
He stares me dead in the eye.
I want to tell you about Princess Vriths great battle against Mauser.
Pass.
I start walking away when a powerful aura engulfs the library.
Dude, Im hopped on way too much caffeine to have a rational response to this, ok? So, before I go all straight-outta-Compton on you, back off.
Princess Vrith reaches me as I swear at one of her tomes in her library. The degree of variations and applications of [Regeneration] is insane. Without Lord Juler, I would barely be able to cast one of theponents of this thing. But the sheer degree ofplexity in this spell is insane.
Levener arrived at the wrong moment, she says in her weird manner of speech. Thats what centuries without real conversations do to a mothertrucker.
Not a problem,dy, I say with a smile before rubbing my eyes. Once again, I have lost any sense of time in this sted tower. There are barely a couple of windows, and its disorienting.
Hes overzealous.
That he is.
Feeling a looming presence at my back, I close the book in front of me and turn.
Wassup?
Princess Vrith is wearing a simple ck robe. It looks out of ce on her sickly frame, and it creates a gloomy feeling when you pair it with the beautiful face marred by a terrible scar.
You dont like me.
I look at the woman who killed two [Archmages] as if it were nothing.
You saved my life. I cant not like you, Princess.
Shes more silent in the tower, less intimidating. Shes simply a broken person here, not a legend walking the world.
Look, I say while a pang of guilt hits me, I have nothing against you. Id have liked it if I could have saved, in a way. Also, it sucks that the only person ready to save me was a stranger. I dont know if Stan would have intervened if you hadnt.
She shakes her head.
He wouldnt have.
I could ask how she knows, but Id rather leave a part of me believing that Stan would have done something.
Levener is young. epting his defective traits is part of the maturation process of two people.
Sometimes, her speech bes hard to parse. What shes saying is that if we both want to grow out of our teenage phase, we better start trying to understand each other.
Ok. Ill try, I say.
Immediately, Princess Vrith turns and walks away.
Wait!
Yes? she turns to me.
I sigh and pass my hands over my face, giving it a good rub. This gesture has now be a tic of mine.
Listen, Vrith. I dont know how to say this, okay? Im tired. I wish someone would fucking shoot me in the head so I could sleep for three days beforeing back to life. Im not sure Impletely sane at the moment, ok? Theck of natural light here, plus the shit Im going through with udia the literal shit is starting to get to me. Ive been here for barely a fraction of what you have. And Im going crazy. How are you still subjecting yourself to this torture? Why dont you go back? Why are you not on Kome, for Christs sake? Lord Juler says you have great reasons, but he cant specify, can he now? And you just asked me to treat Levener better, but you dont mention how I should treat you better. I dont know what the Vanedenis make of mental health and look, Im definitely notpletely well myself. But you, girlyou need a vacation. Please, start looking after yourself.
Im panting slightly after having regurgitated so many words at once. Vrith is looking at me with her typical lifeless expression. Theres nothing of the pride that she showed in the arena. Theres an idea of her people in heror better, shes a reincarnation of an idea. Or just an incarnation. But what matters is that a person cant be an idea. Not unless they want to be sick, to get terminally ill. We cant just shoulder the kind of weight that this person chose for herself.
Please, just drop the Ill die to remit your sins vibe, Vrith. I dont know what you liked to do before this, but please, look after yourself.
She looks at me and smiles. Then, she turns again, as if she had never looked back, and just walks away.
Chapter 199: Allegations?
Chapter 199: Allegations?
I sneaked out a book that Lord Juler gave me. Its an ount written by Levener on Vriths history more precisely, on the history of how she was raised, how she defeated Mauser and then disappeared. A biography, basically.
Does Levener have a mommyplex?
Huh. But Vrith doesnt have huge knockers, thoughI think.
Can you have a mommyplex if the person you are enamored with has no huge milkies? And is a potential girlfriend even a good prospect if she doesnt have a veritable cappino topperok, Ill cut it off.
As I open the thick book, I briefly scan the pages first. Im dead tired. But udias treatment is almostplete. Now, I just need to make sure she wont die because of the radiation.
Lets see what Vrith has gone through
Mmm, difficult upbringing check.
Unhealthyparisons with brothers check.
Abusive mother no? Huh.
Father who has been batmanned check. Does this joke even make sense? Whatever, its theck of sleep. Ill me that.
I put the book down after half an hour.
The woman went through a lot, it seems. But honestly? I dont care.
That persons a wreck. And its not like shes a homeless, powerless person. This woman can literally smash a Dragon to bits. I would like to feel bad for her, but why should I? Was Levener intentioned to make a big scene out of her backstory? Does he think that just because Batmans parents died when he was a kid, its okay to be a psychotic bat? Come on.
I put the book on my chest and flop down on the bed. My eyes close immediately.
When my eyelids flutter open, I just stare at the ceiling and the pain in my chest. Great, I slept with the book on top of me. Great, really.
I slowly hoist myself up. I wish my bones would feel less tired. Yeah, my bones. Not my muscles, not my head. My bones. How? God knows, but I can feel the exhaustion deep.
Joey! Lucinda barges into my room.
Oof, sleep, I mumble with my tongue that feels like glue.
Look!
She furrows her brows and slowly levitates herself into the air so slowly that I almost fell asleep again.
I nod as I yawn so hard that I could unhinge my jaw.
You havent slept? I ask with a raucous voice.
Did you see?!
Shees over and shoves me off the bed.
Could this be a good enough reason for murder?
Dude, I say with a yawn even bigger than before. What time is it?
You slept more than ten hours!
Oh God, why is she shouting?
I came to sleep with you but then got up early to practice!
Do we really need this kind of people? Wouldnt it be a service for the whole race of sleep-lovers if I offed her?
Good for you.
I put the book down and climb back on the bed.
The new semester starts in a few days, this time, Lucindas voice is more subdued. Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?
Sure, I am, I say sleepily.
And thats when Lucinda jumps on me.
God, woman, you are making me more misogynistic with each second! Please! I say, half-crying.
She wrestles my arms to my sides and smiles.
Are you too tired for this? she says while giving me my signature wink-cum-tongue-click.
Im too tired to live, I say while trying to imagine that a hefty woman is not on top of me making sexual allegations.
Is this an allegation, by the way? Or a proposal?
Lucy, please. I love you, but can you
For a second, I dont understand whats happening. She goes stiff before retreating quickly from the bed.
Huh?
I bat my eyelids multiple times to dispel the sleepiness. When I look up, I only see a pale face.
What? Didnt I already say that to you once before?
The day before
My mind is not up to its normal processing capacity, and those three words are not enough to work with.
The day before what?
The day before I went away, thats the first time you said those words to me.
That being said, she leaves the room running.
Why is drama a morning thing? Wouldnt it be more appropriate when everything is dark? Wouldnt it be more appropriate? If theres a God out there, its truly a cruel one.
...
Please, Joey.
You want to break up because you are afraid you would hurt me? What are you, sixteen?
But your proposal sounds too nice, and I really
Peh, peh, peh. Shh. Silence. I will not listen to any more nonsense.
But
PEH! SHHH!
Joey!
Listen, Lucy, and listen very well. If you dont want to be with me, thats fine. But I swear to God, if you want to break up just because you acted like a douche in the past, Im going to start a serious gay ballerina drama right here, right now. I swear Ill put on a wig and pull your hair out. So, get a grip, please. Lets see how this goes. If it doesnt work, it doesnt work. But if it does who knows! Ok?
Are you sure? she says with a sad smile.
Yep, see youter. I have to make onest trip before we go book shopping for the semester.
Chapter 200: Rose
Chapter 200: Rose
Mother! Antoninuss sister shouted with tears. Where have you been?
II dont remember? Ive been healed,pletely. I cant see the curse in my head anymore.
Wait! Ill go call Antoninus! Do not move! Ore with me! Can you walk?!
Yes.
The older woman looked around her house, confused. She had no recollection of what happened. She just remembered being healedby whom? Why couldnt she remember anything? She had some vague recollection, some fading faces. But that was all.
As she scanned the room for a second, she could have sworn a shadow moved on its own.
udia had been brought to the famous bakery that a Human built from nothing in front of the Adventurers Guild. That was one bold move, for sure.
My mom, Lucillus! Antoninus hugged his pal and cried like only a giant with a kind heart can. Even the usually stony fellow of his smiled and patted his back.
Many adventurers hade as soon as they heard, having just to cross the street. Even Quintus and Tiberius, two of the four managers of the bakery, now cheered. They had been war veterans and knew udias feats well.
udia, how did it happen? Was it some hidden master?
Thats what the adventurers kept asking. She had disappeared almost two months prior. Now, most of the mess that went down at the academy had subsided. And most people forgot that udia had disappeared shortly after the covered-up story of how two [Archmages] died by the hand of some reclusive Vanedeni. A note had been left, saying that she would be back cured such a note did not have a signature nor a name attached to it.
But as udia got drunker and drunker, some people exchanged poignant looks.
Lucillus and Antoninus were sitting at a table. The joy had washed over when they had crossed their gazes once too many times. They both knew who was responsible for this. It was as clear as day. If not even the Royals could cure [Rottenbone], who else than the wondrous crazy Human could have?
His location is still unknown? Antoninus asked, feeling guilty. His mother was healthy, but her savior was not here to partake.
That Vrith probably teleported all of them away. Stan sent Domiti and me back without a word. I have gathered from my own research that this Vrith should be hundreds of years old Im not sure thats possible. And she was believed to be dead, Antoninus. Joey disappeared with her. Then, your mother goes away for two months andes back like
Lucillus was struggling to find the right words.
He did things, Antoninus. I already told you. He defeated Appius and Adrianakilled them. It wasnt the Vanedeni woman. He killed in front of my eyes. He said he was ready to take on an [Archmage]. And he fought with a terrifying [Mage], possibly an [Archmage]. I have never seen anything like that. Never.
Do you think he will evere back? Cami appeared from behind, with minia in tow.
Lucillus looked for a second at the ex-employee of Happy Bakery before shrugging. This was not a moment of his. This was a moment for the one missing, who made all of this possible.
I have no idea. Hes wanted. The death of the two [Archmages] was trialed as treason, and both were hung over his head. The same for Appius, even though it was a duel. If he shows his face, he would have to fight armies of [Soldiers], [Guards], and even [Assassins].
Outside of Amorium, where people didnt know him, hes being smeared. They treat him as the greatest criminal in our history, minia said.
Antoninus simply clenched his fists, unable to formte a coherent thought.
At least the money for the bakery is stilling. Weirdly, the Royal Treasury is still financing this project.
Clodia entered the conversation with extreme pragmatism.
Those t-eared idiots at court are probably too busy with their politics to notice they are still paying for it. Lakaris is also bleeding them. He didnt take the news very well. He tries to hide it, but he is working for Joey. Not for us.
Everyone gave a good look at the bakery. It was still in its inception, but it looked regal. It was going to be the most beautiful architectural feat ever done in Amorium, the city with the Green Walk where some of the best [Architects] in the world had put down their heritage.
Domiti has been bullied recently, Lucillus spoke up. Someone should pay for an escort. The fact that she was his disciple didnt go unnoticed. Some [Guards] of the Watch are even saying that she should be brought in for questioning.
Joey looked at his friends talking about him for hours and then chatting about udia once again. The party would go on until night, for sure. He had asked Vrith to reset udias memories and shroud him with enough magic to make him impossible to notice. The spell he had on him was several orders of magnitudes better than any [Invisibility].
He looked at the work Lakaris had done with the ce and nodded to himself, happy. It wasnt every day that you found someone who studied architecture and was also capable of doing a good job. He hoped that someone would put all of this to good use.
Then, he walked out and went over other ces. There was no reason to linger on anyone in particr. He was emotionally adrift, not understanding why he didnt feel what he was supposed to be feeling. His emotions came out in bursts. They werent a delineated stream of anger, happiness, depression, and so on. No, they were hiding,ing out at random moments. They were casual acts of madness pouring out like a waterfall.
He went to Agostinas ce, finding Domiti in her aunts bed, with puffy red eyes. Agostina and Julia were arguing loudly about Joey.
We have to renege him, publicly! Agostina argued.
He taught your niece magic, you idiot, and you want to renege him!
They are picking on her because of him! Agostina looked beside herself.
So what?! Shell grow from it!
Joey shook his head, and he sneaked into Agostinas room.
Yo, he said, casting a [Silence] spell around them.
Huh? she huffed.
Yo, Domiti. Im Joey. You cant see me. Are you ok? he asked.
Huh? Joey? Is this another prank? Please, leave me alone, she started sobbing.
Joey widened his eyes and sighed.
Staying invisible would have been more poetic.
He snapped his fingers and put an end to Vriths spell.
Believe me, now?
Domiti tackled him.
Joey!
Joey hugged back from the ground, hoping his back would survive this ordeal.
Its him, dude. Please, can you let go? Oof.
What are you doing here?! Did you heal Antoninuss mother?!
Look, I wanted to stay invisible, have my mncholic walk around, and that would be it. But I hear that you are being bullied?
Joey furrowed his brows.
Its Domiti suddenly choked.
You cane with me if you want. Youd learn magic beyond your wildest imagination.
Domiti instantly looked skittish.
Or you can just stay here. Ill go talk with your mom now.
Joey canceled his [Silence] spell and opened the room to the living room.
If Julia and Agostina had been in worse health, Joey appearing out of nowhere could have veritably given both a heart attack.
What are you
Agostina simply raised her wand, ready to attack him.
Yeah, I wouldnt do that, Joey pointed at his hat, the stuff in my hat has been adjusted to counter every magic directed at me. You fire that, and you might find yourself with a hole in your stomach, Agostina.
They were both shocked, and Joey took the chance to speak.
Listen, I have heard about Domiti. I could bring her to learn great magic and yadda yadda yadda, but she doesnt want that. Right? Well, Im still bound to visit every once in a while to check on her progress and stuff like that. Shes my [Student], and Im her [Teacher]. Its my duty. For the bullying, Ill just go visit the Watch now. Cya.
Joey went out of the door with the most casual strut one could picture.
...
When he started walking among Amoriums streets in in light, it took a bit before anyone noticed him. Who would expect the most wanted person in the kingdom to just materialize where everyone was expecting him?
Yeah, yeah. Oh, Jesus, Lord Juler, I know, Joey spoke with a hand to his ear. Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Can you stop gloating? I thought the invisible thing was going to be cooler. Yeah. [Assassins]? Hmm.
Joey looked around.
Probably a couple of them watching. What? No, Im not. I said Im not! Christ, Joey exhaled loudly. OK. I said, ok. Im not! Im going toIm not going to kill them! What? What example? Lord Juler, I swearI dont care about what a Vanedeni would do!
He kept talking to himself so loudly that people finally had to notice the famous baker having reappeared in the middle of the day. Incidentally, none of his friends knew. He would be gone before anyone could tell them that he hade back for onest show.
What? TheWHICH WAND, JESUS. CANT YOU JUST COLOR-CODE THEM? What is a gnarled unicorn finish? Are youCant Iok, Ill use that wand.
Isnt that the Human? a pair of [Guards] on patrol suddenly looked at the man.
For the worlds tree rotten roots
Ok, I have two wands in my handswhich one? Is it the one with the white stone? No? What do you mean unicorns are not white? Jesus! The handle has what inscriptions? They all look the same! Look, can you put Lucinda on speaker?
Hey you! the two [Guards] started running after the Human. It was weird that he was just casually walking like that in the middle of Amorium. And he was also seemingly going for the Watch.
Oh, listen, you old goat! I told you that color-coding is perfectlywait a second, Joey turned toward the two [Guards] running. Are you two with the Watch?
In the name of the Watch!
Could have answered normallystop speaking! Imwhatever!
Joey took something from his ear and put it in his pocket.
Give this old man a goddamn construction site to look at, he mumbled.
You!
Joey looked at the two low-leveled [Guards]. [Guards] were rarely above level 15, and they had apparently forgotten that he was a certified Gold-ranked adventurer.
Ok, lets calm down a second, so I can exin what you are going to do
You are under arrest! they both unsheathed their swords.
Yeah, sure, Joey snorted. Ill make it quick. Im going to destroy the Watch. If you bother Domiti once again or bully her, Ille and kill everyone who did that. Then, Ill go to your royal pce and kill every noble who got involved in the possible bullying, Vanedeni-style. They should know that Princess Vrith is involved in this, right? Well, to that end, you could consider Domiti a Vanedeni. Did you get that?
The two guards looked threateningly and didnt answer.
Whatever, Ill just tellwhats the Captains name again? Joey resumed walking after shooting two [Light Lances] at the two guards. They were slightly blunted to avoid killing them both, but they both went down with several cracked ribs.
What? Can you repeat thewhat? Im sure! Yeah! Yeah! The words! Can you repeat the words! Whats that?
Joey had umted several dozens of followers while walking. He was now standing in front of the Watch, aiming one of his wands toward the huge building that almost resembled a small castle.
Yeah! I know! he kept shouting in his earpiece. Yep, earpieces were a thing when you knew how to enchant them.
He had downed several [Guards], but not before repeating his orders.
A stream of [Soldiers] and [Guards] was outside the Watch, squared in formations. At their head, the Captain.
Yo! Captain! Whats your name, again?
Joey couldnt remember [Captain] Drussiluss name.
You are hereby dered a traitor of the Kingdom of Lucerna, Human! Ill bring you down and put your head on
What do you want me to say? By the might of Vanedenis? What? Can you raise the voice? I think I put this thing back upside down or something, Joey fiddled with his ear with a pained expression on his face. Oh! Better now! What? The Tax? Whatever, Ill say it.
Joey could feel several [Assassins] hidden all around and a lot of magic going around the Watch.
Yo! Captain! Whatever your name is! Listen, Joey cranked up the magic in his voice, I hereby dere by the will of Princess Vrith, greatest warrior of the Vanedenis, that anyone who shall hurt anyone who was associated with me shall perish! They will be considered Vanedenis enemies until the end of the day! They will be hunted down as soon as we resolve the matters on Kome! Any act of bullying or harassment shall be punished with death! The Tax shall be paid in blood and tears of your family crying over your dead bodies! You shall suffer the same fate of [Archmage] Marcus and [Archmage]whats her name again? Whatever. You will incur Princess Vriths personal wrath. And she shalle personally if you do. But for now, a simple demonstration.
Some among the Watch and [Soldiers] faltered. The news had been mostly covered up, but they knew that two [Archmages] had mysteriously died. And they surely didnt want to face the person who killed them both.
Joey raised the wand that Princess Vrith had lent him and spoke some unintelligible words. Suddenly, the world lit up. Before anyone could say anything or try anything, the shield covering the Watch and all its wards exploded. Then, the entire Watch building got pulverized.
The shockwave severely injured multiple guards. Joey had his hats shields up, thankfully. Thankfully, every soldier had poured on the streets, and the building had been deserted. Otherwise, it would have been a ughter.
Now, a little gift from me, the Human raised his hands in the hair and chanted for several seconds while blows started raining upon him from every side. But the protections on the Relic were too strong, and no truly high-leveled individual was present. Even [Captain] Drusillus wasnt close to Joeys level and even less so to the one man who created the hat the Human was wearing.
In the middle of the chaos, waiting for another crazy gesture, the Human disappeared. The crowd, confused, looked left and right until one new recruit of the Watch didnt shout to the others.
Look up!
One day, maybe, the legend of Joey Luciani would spread far and wide. One day. But now, as a woman with confused memories came back to her family, the time of legends was still not upon him. He would go on to fight some of the greatest monsters in existence, forging alliances with crazy necromancers and even weirder characters. But not today.
Today was a day of sorrow. The Human, Joey Luciani, had lost friends and had to hide from the world. It was not the time to im the worlds stage, yet. It was time to reflect, grow, forge new friendships, and face new adventures. And to enjoy life, to an extent.
And, as one Joey Luciani always does, he closed this arc of his life with one of his gifts.
For the moment, everyone in Amorium was stuck looking at the huge Rose that hung up above in the sky, while the best [Mages] in cities tried to dispel it with all they had, failing miserably. But it wasnt the rose that they were scrambling to remove. It was the text just on the side of it. A message, perhaps. Or a taunt.
Big asses > Pointy Ears, thats what it read.
Chapter 201: Baguettes
Chapter 201: Baguettes
Whats wrong with students? Why are they so dirty? Why cant they be cleaner? Are they allergic to soap?
Have you ever seen a herd of high-schoolers trudge to a bus stop or invade a diner right after school? Why do they smelllike that? And whats with the loudness? Cant they have their little hormonal crisis in silence? Not everyone is supposed to be loud when crying, now are they?
I miss stores on Earth where you enter, and a sweet fragrance titites your nose. You are eyed like a peasant if you dont dress or talk properly. They barely let you into some ces if you dont look right. Thats living! Going through beautiful store windows with starry eyes and pirouetting while your monthly sry burns in a fortnight!
Elves, instead? You would imagine them being like Ondo Bloom. But no, they are not like that. They are stinky, grumpy, and even a bit racist. Were Elves ever racist in the movies?
No, no, no. I have priorities. There are more important things than stupid Elves that stink like English people that just came out of an oily fish and chips shop.
Bashing their heads in that would be the thing. I also wouldnt mind chasing students around with a baseball bat, like in the movies.
But, oh, now there are so many students around. They have just started their little lessons, and theye to bother me all the time. Sure, why not bother the Human with a little bakery! Ah! And sometimes they evenin about what they call the long bread, those disrespectful imbeciles. Long bread, tsk. They know nothing about good food! You just have to try it, you idiots; its not like you have to drink from the sea!
Yo! Excuse me! I suddenly see a hand in front of my face. Yo!
I immediately swat away the offending limb, thundering with my eyes at the person disturbing my quiet. Should I signal my [Bodyguard]?
Excuse me? I have been here for five minutes, and you are just staring into the distance. Can I just order a sandwich?
I look at the Elf with my nose wrinkled. He doesnt look bad, but hes way too loud.
Sandwiches? We dont make those. Its three silvers for a baguette. What do you want?
He looks at me as if I just said something absurd.
What? Wasnt it like five coppers? he turns to a shorter guy Yo, Marcellus, what the hell? Wasnt it supposed to be five coppers? Whats the bread made of, gold?
The younger Elf is with a taller one. Ive seen this one loiter in front of my store with salivaing out of his mouth more than once. Hes clearly starved, but hes also fighting his own instincts.
This establishment is fine, Gioeius. I forgot my gold coins in my other bag of holding what, is your word not worth three silvers?
The slightly older Elf sighs and looks at him.
Whatever. Call me, Gioei, by the way. Lets get the food for the others before I strangle someone, he says.
Miss Human, could you please give me a reasonable price? Im here to pick up nine sandwiches, the big ones. Im sure I can alsoe back to this fine establishment in the future. But not if Im being robbed blind.
Iugh.
I dont need your businss.
My what, sorry? he raises his eyebrows.
Your businss, you imbecile, I snort. Even [Archmages] like my sandwiches. I dont need your money.
Why do Elves always think they can get away with anything as long as they have money? I should have gone to the Human continent instead of settling here.
Im sorry, where did you say you were from? the Elf named Gioeus asks me.
What do you care?
Your ent isparticr, thats all, he says with a big frown.
Are you going to buy, or do you want to keep wasting my time?
I really cant stand the Elves who think they are being magnanimous just for giving you a small amount of face.
Gioei, please, just pay thedy. Shes always nice to customers. Im sure that our coinage will assuage her worries for the future and that maybe next time, the prices will go back to normal.
Maybe, I smile at the younger Elf, a kid, really. But I can recognize a person struggling when I see one. Not like the taller guy who just keeps staring at me.
For a second, I get the impression that the Elf is looking at my chest with a frown. Ha! Good luck finding anything there! Im no cow, Mr. Elf!
Im sorry, Miss. Ill dly pay, he says, fishing out five gold coins with extreme nonchnce. The excess is for disturbing you in a ce of work. Id never want to mess with a beautiful and kind woman like you.
Sure, Iugh in front of the Elf, whos now shamelessly flirting. This guy is establishing a new standard for idiocy even among Elves. Did you write down your order?
The shorter guy steps forward, clutching a piece of paper as if his life depended on it. He hands over the crumpled paper with a bashful look.
Here you go, Miss, he smiles with stars in his eyes.
I like the little guy.
Whats yours? I ask him while scanning the order.
The one with lide and beef, Miss, he has dropped the pompous tone and is simply sweating now. He might be thinking that Im angry at him or something.
You get the fresher and bigger bread, I wink at him and click my tongue.
The kid looks like he just got the best news in the world.
What about me? the other one says with a toothy smile.
You get the stale bread. And Id advise you to avoidining if you dont want to bleed out some more gold.
Sure thing, he raises his hand, defeated.
Thats right. No one messes with me, Elf.
Come on, Gioe, this is the ce. We cant be banned from here! The others would murder us! the shorter Elf says.
Yeah, yeah. I didnt say anything, did I?
However, the taller Elf keeps staring at me with furrowed brows. Does he have a problem with me?
Cordius, ordersing up! I say while passing the piece of paper to one of my helpers. It wasnt easy establishing a business right at the Nine Towers Academy, but it was worth it.
After years of working for my dad and his little store, I can bake pretty much any specialty of my country. And bake it well.
This is your number, eighty-six. Keep it. When I call the number, you cane to pick up your stuff. Is that clear? If otherse in, you step aside and wait. In silence.
Im sorry, Miss. I dont think I caught your name, the troublemaker Elf says, ignoring what I just said and casually picking up the number.
I didnt tell you, I smile.
He smiles and winks.
Im sure you have all the reasons in the world. It must be a name as beautiful as you are.
As soon as his ridiculous statement ends, I almost choke on my own spit. This idiot! Whats wrong with him! Haha! Oh, does this work, usually? What poor woman would fall for this pathetic disy?
Come on, Gioei, stop disturbing her! the shorter Elf starts tugging at the others robe.
The other Elf lifts a hand to his head as if adjusting a huge invisible hat or something. Then, as he catches himself in the movement, he freezes.
Cassandre, I say with a continuedugh. Thats my name.
A beautiful name for a beautifuldy, he smiles, not bothered by myughter.
I can respect the hustle, I admit. Hes almost as annoying as an Italian tourist. And with the same charm. Now that I look more closely at him, hes not half-bad. If only he wasnt a pointy-eared idiot.
Cassandre, can you exin the name of your bakery to me? Im not that bright, as you might have understood, the Elf shrugs away the smaller one and puts on a shining smile. Breaking Bread?
A great show, I smile while shaking my head. Its a pity I cant discuss such things. Ites from a book I read a while back.
I cant exin what a TV show is without telling people Ie from a different world and that I suddenly found myself stranded in this fantasy nightmare.
Great, heughs. Decent, at best.
Sorry, what?
Oh, I was thinking about something else. Im sorry! he keeps up the smile. Im sure its a beautiful book. And your ent its very elegant.
Thank you, I smile sincerely this time. But you are still paying the full price.
More than happy to, he winks. Gotta bleed the bastard Elves dry.
We can agree on that, Gioei.
He clicks his mouth and looks around while Cordius finishes up their order.
Marcellus, I think welle here more often, he says to hispanion while looking straight at me. Its clear hes not talking to the kid.
Next time, I shall pay for the victuals!
Yeah, sure, the taller Elf seems unconcerned by the insane price I just asked for the sandwiches. I must admit, this guy has some charm. Even his absurd ways are cute.
Did you get Zahras notes, by the way? suddenly, Gioei turns to Marcellus and asks a question. For the first time, he looks serious.
She said you should have paid attention and that shes not giving you anything, Marcellus snorts.
What?! I taught her how tounbelievable! What do you mean pay attention?! Its stupid history, goddammit! Why cant sheAH! Unbelievable! Is this a study group or a loan shark deal? I told her I would keep helping her with Advanced Cantrips I!
Marcellus raises his chin and nods regally.
Great minds like hers cant be bent by simple bribes.
Whatever, he sighs and turns to me again.
I can see Cordius finishing up the order from the corner of my eye. I raise my eyebrows at him in a minute movement. I need a couple more minutes with this guy before letting them go. Theres clearly something in him that might be special. My skills are tingling.
Do you know the Human whos caused a whole mess at the academy by any chance? he asks.
Because Im a Human?
Yeah. You all look the same, you know. He might be your brother or something. He really kicked ass too. No?
I wasnt here when it happened. I was on vacation.
Better not to discuss such things, considering all the politics involved. I had to increase the security for fear of repercussions. The anti-Human sentiment is sky-high at the moment. Apparently, that guy was on the verge of marrying the Princess.
Well, I was watching from the arena. It was nuts. Almost oats, Id say, he says and looks back and forth between his friend and me. No? Not funny? Whatever.
Anyway, he was super strong. Also, if you ask me, he looked quite heroic. Youd like him.
I dont meddle with people whomit treason, Elf.
I raise a hand, and Cordiuses with the order in his hands.
Eighty-six! I shout right in his face.
Woah, yeah. Thats us, I guess, he takes the big bag and smiles, not moving.
You know, keep your ears and eyes open. Youll see more of me, Cassandre. Remember the name, JoGioe, he winks, the best [Pyromancer] in town.
Man, who would have thought that a ____ would be here, he says with a lowered voice.
Sorry, I didnt catch that, I tell him.
Nothing, nothing.
Lets go, Marcy, he slings his arm around his friend''s shoulder and heads out.
After they leave, Cordiuses out.
They really paid five golds? he asks, incredulous.
Oui. He must have a lot of money.
Traffic is slow today, Cordiusins.
People are still figuring out their lecture schedule. You know how it is. It was the samest year and the one before. Well pick up more business as the older students tell the new ones about us. Our prices are too good to pass.
Cassie, if you have any problems with that Elf, just tell me, I turn to Cordius, a two-meter and seventy-centimeters tall guy when hunching. A half-giant, half-Elf, [Cook] with [Enhanced Strength] who can punch a Gold-rank silly.
Dont worry, Cordius. Im sure we will see much more of him. But he looks harmless. The more they talk, the less trouble they are remember. Also, why did his nickname sound familiar?
Chapter 202: Bully
Chapter 202: Bully
The Wee Ceremony for New Students, Nine Towers Academy
College has a particr cool factor. At least when you are in the right social circles. The Nine Towers Academy looks a lot like college to me. Hot chicks, check. Nerds, check. Power-hungry professors and [Archmages], check. Its pretty much the same game of politics while most students remain oblivious and try to enjoy their stay as much as possible.
Oh, I almost forgot. Not just hot chicks. Hot dudes, too, if thats how you swing.
But the broader point here, fes, is that I never went to college back on Earth. I never saw a real reason why I should go. Not like I waszy, I couldnt get in, or something like that. I didnt go because I couldnt be bothered. Why should I waste years of my life studying instead of really learning the profession? Thats why I like baking. You still go to school, sure. But you mostly learn on the job. Its pretty much like medicine, but without them lying to you about your education and asking 80 grand each year.
But what if you have the possibility of joining a Hogwarts-like institution at your fingertips? Wouldnt you give it a go? Come on. Every reader my age has read H.P. We all dream of getting the little envelope brought by the owl service, dont we? We want to hear that we are not muggles and that we can, in fact, do badass magic. Its in our nature. Theres nothing wrong with epting it.
So, lets return to the wee ceremony Im attending under my Elf disguise. Yep, I asked Vrith for a big-ass disguising enchantment also, we doctored some documents, paid for my attendance, and registered myself as a student. Not even an [Archmage] would recognize my disguise, by the way. Not even a Dragon. Maybe a very high-leveled Hydra, Lord Juler said apparently, those creatures have very powerful eyes.
The speeches will be held in about an hour. Right now, food is being served for the new students, and the representatives of various factions are going around, trying to recruit your ass. I mean, they try if you look worthy of it or have a known background. My identity is Gioeius Lucianus, son of a [Merchant] living in Carilia thats the huge continent full of different species, apparently.
They have those tapestries draped over the walls. And Im not going to lie, while some look badass, others look utterly ridiculous. Theres a flying a mouth skewered on a sword. I have no idea what thats supposed to be.
The Mouse Lancers. They arewhimsical. Dont make fun of them, however. They love being underestimated thats why they are the one society that usually wins the school games. Im not clear on the details, but they are one of the ancient societies with the most wins in their name. They are secretive and usually dont show themselves around much.
Lancers? But thats a sword, I reply to the Elf who just osted me.
Again, whimsical.
He smiles at me, probably waiting for an introduction of some kind.
Yo, my name is
Hey, little bird, did you break your wings?
A voice suddenly thunders over everyone else, and I turn, feeling a soft aura washing over a few feet from me. All the societies standing at their stands are just looking while a tall Elf ridicules a guy on the ground a guy-Elf. Ive seen very few Humans so far.
I bring a hand to the hat on my head a little tic Ive developed recently. It helps me think. I mean, it could actually be an enchantment for all I know. Even Lord Juler says hes not sure about it.
Also, who calls a person little bird, huh? That sounds very still-in-the-closet-gay. Like, Im-in-the-mafia-but-I-cant-tell-others-Im-gay-so-I-bully-others-for-being-effeminate kind of gay.
What do you want? a strained voicees from the guy on the ground. But its not just strained. It almost sounds like he has a speech impairment.
The taller guy snorts and nods to himself.
You bumped into me. Do you care to resolve the issue with a duel?
I take a better look at the tall Elf.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
The guy is not strong. At all. Not even by students standards. His Mana is weak. I cant evenpare it to anything from the top of my head. Its simply pathetic.
I deactivate my skill, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
The taller guy aggressively hoists up the other Elf before letting him go.
Well, how nice of him
And down goes the shorter Elf immediately.
Thats when I notice that the shorter Elf has two very weirdly shaped legs. They are, like, bent inwards or something.
Oh, shoot.
Thats cerebral palsy, isnt it? The shape of the leg, the speech impairment? What the hell? Howe such a disease exists in goddamn fantasynd? And why has no one cured it? I dont know much about the thing to discuss it properly, but isnt there some weird magic that could do the trick?
I understand whats going on now. The taller guy is a loser. Like, a big-time loser. Not just loser-loser. Not the oh, I speed-run Mario every Thursday while downing a hobbit-weight-equivalent of tacos instead of finding a job kind of loser. Nope, this guy is trying to be a bully by bullying the most bulliable person in school. Hell, American school hierarchies all over, dude. And what kind of messed-up person makes fun of a disabled guy? Even if the guy is an Elf, he deserves some basic Elven decency. Or Human decency. Or whatever expression they use in a world of not only Humans.
Why do people have to be such assholes every single time, in every single goddamn world? What the hell is wrong with this idiot? What kind of screwed-up brain did his mother give him?
I understand that some bullying can happen I even condone part of it. You want to bully a twenty-year-old who watches unicorn cartoons? Hell, be my guest. Thats between the guy who watches weird stuff and the bully. Let them figure it out; thats two low-IQ people, and its their business, not mine.
But a guy bullying a person with goddamn cerebral palsy?
Not on my watch.
Im about to blow my cover when the taller guy moves to hoist up the guy again, but a big thing? Whats that? Something I have never seen before inserts itself between the two. That thing is taller than the tall Elf. Were talking something like seven feet and some inches tall.
Leave the guy alone, a feminine voicees out.
What the hell are you? the Elf suddenly recoils, and I can feel him starting to cast a spell sneakilya very pathetic spell, but a spell, nheless.
Thats an Ahali! someone shouts.
A bastard one! another person adds.
Goddamn freak, the bully spits out while backing away.
And in a moment, the gentledy, yanked out of whatever anonymity she was going for, is outed. But she just stands tall. And unlike the idiot, she reeks of magic.
Yeah, I activated [Advanced Mana Sense] again. Just for a second. I wanted to see what the hell this Ahali was. And wait, arent the Ahalis thewhat are they again? Are they the Vanedenis enemies? Dude. I tell you what; I me the radiation for my memory loss. Yep, that must be it for sure.
Shes not just taller than me, but her whole body, where not covered by clothes, is covered in fur. Her face has animalistic traits, but its clearly humanoid. What adds even more to her height is the giant pair of bunny ears sprouting from the top of her head.
Meanwhile, the idiot is almost done casting a [Fireball] without the two misfits noticing anything. Someone is trying to get theirwhat is it called?
Oh,e on.
What is it? Baptism of blood?
I sigh while walking toward the scene after an apologetic smile to my previous query.
Be right back, I tell the man I was talking to.
Lets see.
The guy is moving his left-hand fingers to try and ground the spell while not chanting. I guess he needs a lot of concentration and his hand to direct the spell, right? Huh. Well. Whatever. Better safe than sorry.
Before the idiot can notice, I simply knee the back of his knee.
Down he goes.
Is it a baptism of blood? I frown.
Whats that thing when you kill someone to show the cartel or whatever criminal organization that you are the real deal, that you can be trusted?
Who the hell
I materialize a [Fireball] in my palm without even blinking. Then, I slowly crouch as the bully backpedals, and the whole crowd around us begins to push back.
Wassup? You think you are hot stuff?
That was a bad joke.
God.
Spending all that time in the tower has fried my brain. This was a dad joke. Jesus. The second in two days.
What
You bother that guy again, and Ill shove this up your bum-bum. Are we clear?
Who
I put the [Fireball] closer to his face, and he starts visibly sweating. I can see the fear in his eyes reflecting the fiery mes in my hand.
This. Bum-bum. Are we clear? I tell him with a creepy Elven smile.
Clear! Clear! he squirms and starts running away as soon as I stand up.
Pussy.
Now, everyone is giving me a wide berth, but only the weird Ahali and the disabled kid look at me with respect.
Yo, kid. Where are your crutches? I ask him, looking around the crowd and individuating one.
I dont know where the second
Found it.
I raise them in the air with magic and bring them to me. Its not proper [Telekinesis] since I dont have the spell yet.
Gioeius Lucianus is the name, I extend my hand to the guy on the ground and help him up. But Id rather have you call me Gioei, good?
Good.
And whats your name?
Anneus.
Anneus gets up and starts fiddling with something before getting his hands on the crutches. Suddenly, I notice that this guy has two mismatched bags of holding on him.
Did you just I widen my eyes andugh.
He calmly looks around and nods with a criminal, toothy smile.
Wow, a cool, disabled [Thief].
Nice.
I like the guy.
And this beautifuldy is? I say, extending a hand to her as well.
Alba, she replies with a bashful look.
Now, how can a look be bashful when you are not just taller than the person speaking with you but also possibly three times as physically fit? Shes wearing a shirt that barely covers her tummy, and I swear I can see some rock-hard abs there. With some fur around, but who am I to be picky?
Yo, Alba, nice to meet you too, I say while grabbing her soft pawhand. She has hands, not paws. Slightly disappointing.
Well, what do you two say we visit some of those stands? Im really curious about the mouse thing and maybe some other societies. Houses. Whatever they are called
You want to join the Mouse Lancers? Anneus raises an eyebrow. Good luck with that.
Oh, Anneus, Jo-Gioei Lucianus needs no luck.
I keep smiling and standing in ce.
So, are we going or not? he looks at me like Im an idiot.
Right, there are no cutscenes in real life, sadly.
Yeah. Yes. Lets go.
Chapter 203: Bridge
Chapter 203: Bridge
When I look the students in the eyes, I seem to be dissociating from reality. A part of me slowly leaves my body and observes it from afar. They are happy; they are mostly smiling. Even if this is a fantasy world, they are as detached from reality as only students can be. They dont know much about taxes beside tuition. They dont know about creating their own business, and few have ever seen how hard life can be. And Im not bashing them. Im simply envious.
Im envious because I came to the Nine Towers Academy as Joey but stayed as Gioeius. Gioeius is the only one who can have a reprieve here. But not Joey! Nope, sir! Joey has to rot behind the curtain. Bah, Im just being dramatic. Better stop thinking about this before I start listening to emo music and only wear ck.
Sipping from my thermos full of coffee, I wait in line to enter some kind of auditorium where they will speak about this new semester. A new year is starting, and recruits have flocked from every part of the country and beyond. If you are a [Mage] or if you want to be one, the Nine Towers Academy is where you want to be.
And that part of me, Gioeius, is happy. Hes excited and looking forward to whats going to happen next. Its something new, for Christs sake! Thats what hes shouting to me. Why should I ruin the experience for myself just because I want to be all broody and dark? Havent I always hated the edgy boys who cant enjoy life? Have augh, man. Enjoy whats in front of you. Why should you start worrying now? Worry when shit hits the fan, not before. Stressing yourself in advance is just unwise.
And every time I look at myself through this lens, I cant help but think Gioeius is right. I can still enjoy my life. So what if I have to wear a disguise? Dont we all, really? Dont we all wear a mask likemon impostors whenever we speak to family, friends, and the like? So, is this so wrong?
Well, Lucinda certainly saw something twisted in what I was doing. She refused to. She doesnt want to pretend. She doesnt want to lose her identity. Meh. Shes still my girlfriend, I think. But shes notmitting to an borate ruse to just enjoy her time at the academy with other students. She said that this was definitely a terrible, terrible ce. She doesnt care about spending more time here.
But Isee, I never had this. None of this.
So, why shouldnt I take this opportunity? Whats wrong with it, anyway?
Could it corrupt me? HA! Yeah, sure. Id like to see that.
Enter and take a seat. The [Grand Magus] Ariostus will be here shortly, a [Guard] looks at me, Anneus, and Alba. Theres no real contempt in his eyes, but theres also a marked disinterest. This guy has seen many studentse, and probably just as many go, didnt he?
Lets go, boys, I tell my new clique.
The other [Mage], the one I had talked to before, ducked out after seeing I had associated with these two. I mean, I can understand him. If high school rules apply here, I justmitted social suicide, didnt I? Well, the sooner, the better. I like beingbeled as the underdog. Id rather people not expect shit, and then it blowing up in their faces. Hell, thats how you build a good narrative.
Why isnt there an [Archmage]? I ask the silent duo; they are both silent types, albeit for different reasons. Alba is clearly properly shy, afraid of her own body. Anneus, instead, even though he is the one with a disability, gives me the impression that he simply doesnt care; the guy is shady. He doesnt want too many eyes on him. I mean, considering that this guy seems a bit sleazy, it makes sense.
[Archmages] dont waste their time with first-year students. More than seventy percent of us will fail the midterm exam and flunk out of the academy, Alba timidly exins. Thats an average estimate. The actual failure rate could be even higher this year. Considering all that has been happeningtely, they will try to weed out as many of us as possible.
Huh, a ce where midterms are actually important? Truly a fantasynd.
Whats so difficult about it?
Theres politics involved your faction, mentor, and friends. Here, thats almost as important as being a good [Mage]. If you dont enter the right social circles, you are done. Only the purest talents can survive on their own. But this year, especially, its all about politics. The recent events have shaken the academy. They need to replenish the number of loyalists after losing two [Archmages].
Thats Anneus. My, oh my. What a positive guy.
And you two do not have an outstanding social credit, I believe.
Us three, now, Anneus shakes his head. You could have spared me the act, man. Im used to that. Green leaves bear the sweetest fruit.
Yeah, sure, Lupin, sure. Alba, isnt your talent supposedly incredible because of Im alluding to anything that I think is public knowledge, hoping I mightnd something. Thats because I actually have no idea if she is supposed to have a great talent or not.
Females have a greater inclination for magic, yes, she says.
Huh?
Female Ahali, Anneus rifies. Also, she has Dragon blood mixed in her. Probably heard about Marcus getting shivved and doing a victory dance, didnt you?
Anneus speaks slowly but deliberately. He clearly knows how not to trip over his impaired speech too much. If it werent for the weird wooden crutches, the guy would look totally okay to me. Alba ducks her head at Anneuss words.
Yeah, because of that, I say, ignoring thest remark.
Her people are
I p Anneus''s neck and almost trip him to the ground.
Im talking to her, not you.
Please, Alba, I say with a smile.
She nods, uncertain.
My people, as Anneus was saying, are not well received. Even though those with Dragon blood are being shunned away from Kome, they still fear that the Ahalis will be the next Vanedenis.
I snort before catching myself, and Alba looks at me with a curious expression.
Sorry, Alba. I didnt mean to sound offensive. Im sure that the Ahalis are great. But the Vanedenis are screwed in the head. And you have to be screwed in the head to impose a tax on the entire world, dont you? I personally dont think that the Ahalis would bother.
She seems relieved because of my words about her people being allegedly softer than the Vanedenis.
Yes. My people are not interested. I think.
Lets go settle down, shall we?
I scan the ce. It has an open ceiling, like an ancient Roman amphitheater. And its filled to the brim. I finally find three unupied seats and plop my ass down beside the
Holy shit.
Im not sure this is the appropriate reaction, but I had yet to see a ck person since I came to this ce. Theres a ck woman by my side, with sharp features and a frown directed at me. Huh, that was not a good first impression, I gather.
Oh, hello!
Have you ever seen a cheerful smile so sweet that you instantly got diabetes? Like, a ser mom ready to offer you cookies in exchange for a chat about why sex education should be removed from the curriculum because it incites satanic rituals involving virgins?
Yep.
Thats exactly it.
Howdy, I say to a woman thats bending forward next to a ck woman and smiling at me with more teeth than a shark. And no, shes just apletely normal Elf. Or better, clearly a middle-aged Elf woman undergoing a midlife crisis.
How do I know all of this from such a brief interaction? When you work in the food business, you learn to recognize these types of people for your own survival. And then, you learn to avoid them at all costs before you could reach suicidal ideation.
Hey, Zahra! Look, we can socialize now! she says to the ck woman. Hi! Im Amelia! Hi, again!
Holy hell, Im getting very strong suburban housewife vibes here. Even by her kinds standards, she clearly has a very powerful aura.
Yo, Anneus, I whisper through my teeth. Move your ass; we are sitting somewhere else.
But the guy has other ns for me as he watches my suffering with maximum schadenfreude and blocks the way with his crutches. A sick smile spreads over his previously frowny face.
Hi! My name is Gioeius! I say with an invisible tear trickling down my face, turning back to the two older women.
Students!
Suddenly, the open ceiling goes dark. The air turns solemn, and everyone shuts up. God himself has intervened to help me, apparently. Or Lady Luck. But given my rtionship with thetter, Im more inclined to believe that the former did the trick.
I am [Grand Mage] Ariostus! the man thunders from the stage. I am the [Dean] of the Nine Towers Academy! I wee you to the most renowned magic institution in the whole world!
A goddamn waterfall of ps and shouts goes off, making me momentarily deaf.
Please! Please! The simple fact that you passed the entrance test means that your talent is enough to dream of one day owning one of the towers
Yeah, sure, I hear Anneusmenting with a grunt.
Or maybe, you will be [Heroes], forever celebrated in the Kingdom of Lucerna!
I guess that if you ce the academy inside a nation, you kind of expect to hear some product cement, dont you?
The basic courses are open to anyone! The rest of you shall find a way in! Some sses, as is customary, are hidden! Some require you to possess special abilities, sses, or even particr artifacts! If you are an [Alchemist], as they say, you will burn much more gold than you will make with a philosophers stone!
Andughter rains.
Why? Was it that funny? My jokes are much better. I bet that if I were the [Dean], everyone would alwaysugh at the stupid stuff I say.
As you know, the [Dean] says while theughter subsides, we have had some incidents involving Humans and the Vanedenis.
Suddenly, the mood turns somber, and everyone looks left and right. No one could have anticipated such an admission.
But I encourage students not to harass the Humans at the academy. There are no Vanedenis officially registered. But I also advise you to leave them alone if you meet any. The Nine Towers Academy must be a beacon for [Mages] of all races and species. We are no Hydras! Our higher purpose is to reach the apex of magic, not discriminate against fellow [Mages]!
Deafening cheers thunder from the audience; even Anneus and Alba are pping to the performance on stage. They are all standing now, even the ones with crutches. Even the ck woman by my side, who looked colder than permafrost, is now up, mashing her hands together with a snap of fingers over fingers and palms over palms.
Everyone is standing.
Everyone except me.
I feel like Im residing in a different dimension, a dark one. I can see the excitement, but I cant feel it. Something is missing. Theres a slowly burning bridge in front of my eyes, charred and abandoned inside my soul. It slowly creates an imprable plume of smoke and bitterness.
Why am I not happy? And why are they so excited?
What is happening?
But just as the sensation came, it disappeared. And I found myself standing beside the others, pping along. The smile on my face is sincere, mostly. And thats what matters to me. It feels like Ive finally resumed breathing, and oxygen can finally reach my blood vessels.
How long will itst, I wonder?
Chapter 204: Refreshments
Chapter 204: Refreshments
Can you refresh my memory? I dont remember agreeing to any of this.
The white Elf with a midlife crisis written all over her face, Amelia, is dragging Zahra, the Human ck woman, by one arm while Alba and Anneus follow a few steps behind. I have to admit that for a guy with crutches, Anneus is quite fast.
Oh,e on! We have to eat the green together! Amelia says.
What?
We have to eat together! Its a tradition among Elves!
Tradition for what?
For when you meet new friends! Its thew of hospitality, dummy! Didnt your mom teach you?!
God, please, stop me from arguing with this woman.
I didnt know that either, Anneus says. But if its truly a tradition, Gioeius, shouldnt we all go to your ce and eat something together? You wouldnt mind, would you?
I actually have something to take care of
Oh, dont be silly! Amelia immediately releases Zahra to make a clutch at her next prey, Alba. We are all going! No one will be left behind! Come on, chop-chop! HA! Ive brought up two male Elves. Do you think I cant handle you just because you have longer ears? Come on,dy, lets go!
I mean, since Im already used of treason, couldnt I just add a little murder on top of my counts? What difference would it really make?
Thats how we ended up walking to my ce, a cozy apartment I bought with some of the money from my bag of holding. I asked Lord Juler and Princess Vrith to help me with a little ritual to pay for the rest of my expenses. I had never performed one, so it was more of an excuse to learn some cool magic. The fact that the royal treasure is now much lighter is just a side-effect, a little bonus, a sweet cherry on top. Learning is the real reward in life, of course.
You live here? I can hear Alba''s slightly guttural voice from over my shoulder.
I look at the two-floor establishment I purchased thanks to some shenanigans and smile.
Just my humble abode.
For all the rotted roots, Anneus swears, you must pay dozens of golds a week to stay here!
More like several thousand to buy the ce, but lets keep that under the rug for now.
Please, I say while fiddling with a key in the hole. Its just for show, though. The real lock is magical, and I had Lord Juler guide me through aplex enchantment for the whole ce. Its not a Tower, but its imprable unless you are very skilled. And most of all, there are so many enchantments to hide the magical signature and energy leaks that it must look like the most boring house in the city.
Hello! Amelia says, stomping inside, almost throwing me to the ground. Hello, there!
No ones home. I live alone.
She suddenly turns to me, mouth wide-open.
WHAT?!
Cool, right
All alone in this big house?! You must be super-lonely!
Im doing quite fine, to be honest
Dont worry! Well keep youpany whenever you want! We can even study together! A study group! Amelia is probably a few seconds shy of jumping up and down in excitement. I can see the impractical shine of a housewife who doesnt know much about social events in her eyes.
Wow! Thats a lot of food! her eyes widen when she takes a better look at my living room.
I actually forgot about it.
The room is a huge mess there are two couches with a coffee table in front of them and, on the other side, a dining table. On top of everything, you can find trays full of food, casseroles, and pans. Anything, really. Its unreal.
Yeah, I bake when I need to rx. I went a bit overboard.
Thankfully, there are preservation runes all over the ce. Otherwise, we would be talking about several dozens of pounds of food that would be rotting. Yeah, yeah. I know. Ive gotten a bit neurotic while waiting for school. I didnt exactly sleep much. What can I do about it? Thankfully enough, I have one of the spells that Lord Juler taught me.
[Induced Insomnia]
And tonight, I will pair it with a nice [Sleep].
All good, really.
You cooked all of this? Alba says while taking a few steps forward with her very long legs.
Yeah. If you are hungry
HELLO!
I turn to find myself in front of what has to be the shortest Elf Ive ever seen. He looks very young and is well-dressed. But, after working in a bakery for years, I can instantly recognize a famished person.
Ahem! I meant salutations! I heard that a feast for students is taking ce here, is that correct?
What?
Sure! Enter! Gioei is showing us his ce. He said we could take all the food we wanted. I think I saw you at the ceremony! Whats your name?
Oh, a fair [Lady] is here, I see! My name is Marcellus!
Jesus Almighty. Someone, please, throw me a lifeline here.
What is even happening?
WOOF!
Right, I forgot about that too.
A small doges running at full speed a dog that is frowning and looking eager to bite me.
Good evening, Princess! I say to the dog, feeling a bit of sweat dripping down my back.
Oh! This dog is so cute
Princess Bianca, my Wallorian Treasurer, currently under disguise to appear like a dog, jumps up with all her strength and kicks Amelia right in the chest. The poor woman instantly tumbles to the ground, and Princess Biancands in my arms.
Yeah, sorry about that. Princess Bianca is very touchyouch! I meant; shes reserved. And she doesnt like when strangers address her tooer, loudly?
Princess? Anneus snorts. Thats just
I wouldnt say that if I were you, I say while turning cautiously.
Princess Bianca is already giving the stink eye to both Amelia and Anneus. But when she sees Alba, she freezes for a second. She sniffs the air and jumps out of my arms, weirdly enough. She loves being carried, the spoiled little brat. My solepanion quickly sniffs Albas legs before snorting.
This dog is weird, Alba says, clearly ufortable with Princesss antics.
Shes royalty, I say with a sigh. Treat her ordingly. Also, Amelia, please, dont do that.
Amelia was clearly on the verge of sneaking in on Princess Bianca to pick her up. Im not sure Ive ever told you this, but Wallorian Treasurers have really strong jaws. Once she bes an adult, she will be able to burrow through magic mineral veins. Yeah.
Princess Bianca slowly turns to the bashful Amelia with a baleful aura around her, pure death in her eyes.
Come on, Princess, I plead.
The woofs squeals, yeah, squeals, really thats magic at work, converting the sound into a more appropriate one for the animal. Its all Princess Vriths work. Even she was surprised to see a Wallorian Treasurer in our current age. And she apparently likes me a lot. Gee, I wouldnt want to know what it feels like not to be liked by my little pig.
But seeing how Princess Bianca looks interested in eating up one of Amelias limbs, Ill probably find out soon.
Princess! I order with a stern voice. What have we discussed! Behave like a good dog!
She looks at me with narrowed eyes, but she scampers off to her couch, although not before an eye-roll. Yeah, her couch. The division of things in this house has already started.
What a gentle and smart animal, says the guy Ive totally forgotten about.
I ignore everyone for a second and plop on the couch. Theck of sleep is finally having some effect on me.
Eat all you want. I doubt you can finish it all. If you want, you can even take some home. Ill probably bake moreter. Some of the long bread is better eaten with meat. You can find some in the cupboard with the ss pane, and there are tes right beside it.
I start chilling on the couch with my eyes closed a little nap. However, the spell wont let me fall asleep for another few hours. Well, it wouldnt be a bad idea to socialize with these people a little. Ivee so far to know people. Maybe Ill even make some new friends. Im still lukewarm about that after the debacle. A part of me refuses to acknowledge what had happened and to ept that, for once, my expectations might have been set too high.
So, Amelia. Whats up with you? Howe you want to be a [Mage]?
Suddenly, the woman freezes. She was snooping around my house when an innocent question stopped her dead in her tracks. Im not clear why she would react like that, but theres clearly something more below the shallow surface.
I just have a lot of free time on my hands since my boys are always out. And my husband died a while ago, so Im mostly here to spend my time productively. My job as a [Caretaker] was a bit boring, and they always told me my talent for magic was good.
Thats cool, I nod. I also feel a twinge of guilt in my guts. I should be less of an asshole to this poor woman. She is probably very lonely, isnt she?
What about you, Zahra? Where are you from?
Zahra, unlike Amelia, has remained stationary for the most part. And, Ive noticed, close to the door.
I was a soldier. Ie from Sobek.
Laconic, huh? She is definitely running for Lucilluss positionno. Lets not frame things like that. I dont want to dwell on the past. Whatever happened, happened, and I cant change it. These are different people with different stories. I shall not be unfair just because Im not satisfied with what happened in the past.
Sobek?
The continent of rivers, Alba murmurs.
The what?
You dont know Sobek.
Zahras words do not pose a question. Now, she is looking at me with more interestpared to before.
Im not big on geography, I smile.
Six big continents all around Sobek is known for its rivers, Epretos for our towns. Teiko has the big bad Humans, Foresta the illusions. Carilia has all the different masses, but Kome has the ground-gashes, Amelia says in a chopped-off nursery rhyme.
Huh.
Didnt they teach you the rhyme when you were little? Amelia asks, confused.
Meh, I had a particr upbringing. I spent most of my time abroad. Weird stuff. My family is in the [Merchant] business, you know? My education has spots all over.
Does it? Zahra is now looking at me with even more interest.
Did she pick up on something? Is she suspicious? Are all people on Sobek ck?
These refreshments are of the highest quality, Marcellus says while stuffing his mouth and probably risking suffocating himself with every chomp.
You dont have many personal objects, Anneus says while shuffling around with his crutches.
Heh, Ive moved here very recently. And my parents have taught me to travel light. You dont want things you cant sell in your bag of holding, you know?
But you still cook enough for dozens of people. And nothing to remember them by? Anneus ask while looking at a preservation rune Ive drawn myself.
Not really.
This rune is very well made. Who drew it for you?
I did it.
Liar, Anneus doesnt even look back.
Prick, I reply with a smile.
This time, he turns back with a frown.
Did you really draw that? A preservation rune is like a tier-three spell. But we arent even proper first-year students yet.
Some peoplee to the academy having already studied a lot of magic, Alba intercepts. Ive studied it myself. I could draw some basic runes. Nothing like a preservation one, but I could draw some heating ones.
And you seemed very good at [Telekinesis] or whatever space movement and discement you were doing at the ceremony, I say to Anneus, hoping to change the topic.
Well, he returns to the rune and doesnt finish the sentence.
Anyway, about the study group thing, I say.
Chapter 205: Shady
Chapter 205: Shady
I look at the number of sses Ill be attending:- History of Epretos I, mandatory
- Advanced Cantrips I, mandatory
- Fundamentals of Enchanting, mandatory
- Fundamentals of Magical Theory, mandatory
- History of Magic, mandatory
Well, most of those sound as boring as they get. The non-hidden elective sses looked really boring as well. Fundamentals of Alchemy? Yeah, no thanks. Im no [Alchemist]. But I heard that this ce is full of mysteries. Apparently, the best sses are literally hidden. Some professors are not even registered. Following the rumors, there are even illegal [Mages] hiding in the Nine Towers Academy to recruit disciples. Its happened more than once that [Necromancers] infiltrated this ce. And thats because the [Archmages] dont really care about what happens outside their towers.
Oh, right, some of the elective sses are, how can I put it [Archmage]-specific. You need to be tutored to learn the most advanced stuff. Otherwise, your best bet is to stumble upon a mysterious hidden ss and magically fulfill all the entry requirements.
The one good thing about this city is the insane amount of criminality. See, I dont want to rely too much on Lord Juler and Princess Vrith. They are doing their own thing. So, Id rather start using my own expertise, or well, others expertise instead of roaming around. Ive already got all the addresses to start things up. Plus, theres almost nothing in this city that interests me.
Im in the attic of my building its warded so strongly that it could literally vaporize any intruder. And my eyes are resting on the tower once owned by Sziezais. That is the one thing Im genuinely interested in. But if even Princess Vrith got almost killednah. She might be a Vanedeni, but I cant kill my hopes just because of that. Shes Vanedeni; Im American, baby. Ill nuke that ce if I need to. Somehow, Ill own it.
But first things first.
I go down the stairs and sigh loudly before looking at the one person whos still here. Marcellus is sleeping on my couch. Id bet my ass this guy is homeless. He stinks. He has this fantasy story about being a noble and whatnot. His magical talent is actually not that bad. But hes clearly as broke as theye. Apart from maybe Alba, none of the other folks look wealthy either. Anneus is probably getting by thanks to his thieving skills gosh, a guy with cerebral palsy going for [Thief]? Or [Magical Thief]? Or whatever ss? Hes all the rage, man. Amelia gives me confusing vibes, but Id bet shes not doing that well either. She was clearly a bit famished as well. Zahra seemed restrained, but she has worked as a [Soldier]; so, it might be her discipline.
What a rag-tag group so far.
I look at the wards around the house, ensuring that nothing can blow Marcellus to pieces if he decides to steal something. I dont really have anything valuable here I carry everything of value on my own body.
I pass in front of the mirror, noticing my Elvenplexion. At least Princess Vrith has kept it looking somewhat like my Human form. Thats good, I guess.
I walk through the door, entering the dark streets of the citadel.
Its funny that the citadel doesnt have a proper name. Some just call it Citadel, as if it was its name. But the truth is that the Nine Towers Academy is too big of a selfish behemoth to share the spotlight with anything else. Therefore, the citadel remains nameless. From what Ive gathered, its considered just an extension of the academy in official dealings. And apparently, it pays regional taxes to the academy as well. Here, the [Dean] is kind of a [Mayor] as well. Weird, huh? And how does a [Dean] even ss work? That would be cool to know, wouldnt it?
I look around and then take out a map with a strange GPS function inscribed. What was the chant again for the fictional one? Im up to no good? I dont remember. Whatever. As I take a few turns, I notice the housing quality declining. Some houses here dont even have doors, and I can see squatters and the magical equivalent of crack houses through the sparse [Lights] ced around. Yep, thats a thing, apparently. They have drugs here as well. Amorium is very well guarded, but the Nine Towers Academy doesnt have an actual Watch. They have [Mages] that will st you off the face of the Earth, but no properw enforcement. Stupid, isnt it?
I hear noise, shouts, and even musicing from an Inn. Or maybe a brothel. Hell, the ce reeks of alcohol even from afar. But thats where my map is pointing me to.
Well, lets get mugged.
As I arrive where the people Im looking for should be, I can feel powerful auras all around. Not exceedingly powerful, but still. And judging from the thick Mana around them, Id suspect they are wearing some disguiseprobably some [Mages] doing their shady business at night. Like me, basically.
I enter after putting on a special amulet. Its a simple defensive artifact. Nothing too fancy, but better safe than sorry in a case like this.
As I approach the counter, I take a swift look around. Its like the far-west, but with more races, crowded, and magical. Thats it, really.
Theres a huge half-giant at the counter with a murderous look in his eyes. Hes polishing a ss that is probably as big as my head. My actual head, not the Elven one.
What can I get you? his voice is raspy but not unfriendly.
I look straight ahead, not showing any emotions on my face. With a slow gesture, so as not to rm the man in front of me, I take out a little bag with around twenty golds. I slowly move it toward him, already sensing some eyes on my back, and speak evenly.
Information, and people who can provide it.
The half-giant, a massive man, lick his lips and frowns.
Whats your level and ss?
I can already hear people over my shoulder snorting at the question. Its something you ask when you suspect you are dealing with rookies. Its sort of a test, from what I gather. If the other person really tells you, they are a chicken ready to be plucked.
I have not had enough time toy down the groundwork for conducting myself in the underworld. But I do know that a good first impression is always important.
I slowly turn around, facing the room, where now more than one person has their eyes and skills fixed on me. I can feel the people trying to figure out my level and ss with artifacts and skills. Good luck with trying to bypass the protections on the hat.
A thought suddenly hits me. I was going to threaten everyone, but Im currently wearing the disguise I intend to use for my entire stay at the academy. If I do something bad, people will know. Gosh, I should have put anotheryer of illusions on me. What a goddamn idiot.
With a sigh, I look at the man.
Ill just sit. If anyone is interested or has the right expertise, tell them to sit with me. Ill pay for the drinks. A beer for me, blonde.
I leave the money on the counter and walk to a table with a man already sitting there. My previous thought was to make a giant ruckus, but a smaller one will be enough. The guy looks threatening. And hes a [Mage]. But his aura is nothing much. With a quick look and without using artifacts, I establish that his level is probably in the twenties.
Fuck off, I kick his chair.
Hes talking to his buddy at the next table when I literally have his chair crash to the ground. Many go wide-eyed at what Ive just done.
Its criminals. They appreciate theatrics and drama. Or at least some do.
Or do they?
The guy doesnt even get up. He rolls over and points a wand at me. To avoid any problems, I simply st him with a [Fireball]. Its not too fiery, but it has enough ball to knock him out or break a few bones. Im not going to lose sleep over beating up a criminal.
The whole thing ends in under a second, with the guy now groaning and half-unconscious on the ground. I added a bit of [Sleep] to the spell. Most [Mages] are resistant to it, but not if you use it as a follow-up to an incapacitating blow.
I levitate the Elf away as I sit alone at the table. Man, I really hope that worked.
I look at the guy that was speaking with the one I just took down, and a questiones to my mind.
Yo, was this guy in a gang? Do I have to beat up the whole gang now or something?
What? Him? No. Hes a dealer who works on his own.
Huh.
A dealer of what?
Wands, artifacts. If you need some not certifiable goods, hes your man.
Stolen stuff, ok.
Better this way, I guess. Were you buying from him? Oh, and by the way, my name is Gioeius, a first-year student. Nice to meet you.
Is that your real name, kid? Are you an idiot? Whatever, Im too sober to argue with you. Call me Breakstone.
Breakstone? Because you
Break stones. If you ever need to take a wall down very fast and very quietly, Im your man. I saw you moving some dead royals over there.
I look at the counter he just nodded at.
Dead what?
Golden grains? Juicy lemons?
Oh, now I get it. Money.
Yeah, kid, money, he says, taking a puff from a weird cigar. Every year, we get idiots like you. Students who want to know where the secret sses are, right? And you? What, enter a ce full of dangerous people and just throw those golden grains around? That aint smart, Elf, let me tell ya. Youll get your tree trimmed if you know what Im saying.
Listen, Breakstone, unlike other students, I know what I''m doing. Plus, Im in the market for some other services as well. I need someone who can get me information about other studentsgotta know thepetition.
The grizzly man takes another long puff from his cigar before sniffing and coughing.
Bleah, this stuff is not good, he says, eying his cigar with disgust. But let me tell you something. This aint no business for students. Real yers wille around tonight. And you better scamper off before
Suddenly, the whole establishment goes quiet as three people with lots of rings on their hands enter. Usually, its not the first thing you would notice about someone. Unless the rings had some big gems and shiny bands, like in this case. These guys look like they could give any mafioso in NYC a run for their money.
The Fellows of the Ring, a guy murmurs.
I snort some beer through my nose and start coughing violently to avoid choking. As it happens, I can see everyone looking at me from the corner of my eye.
Now, the problem is that Id activated [Advanced Mana Sense] as soon as these three entered. And those rings, let me tell you, are no shoddy work. They arent relics, but they are the highest-grade artifacts in this room, except for my stuff. Meaning, they probably pack a punch. And all three have a strong aura, with their levels either in the early or mid-30s, Id say.
I think that kid has a problem with the Fellows, Murray, one of the three criminals says.
Im still choking on the beer when one of them points a finger gun at me, and everyone starts jumping away from the trajectory.
Chapter 206: Information Gathering
Chapter 206: Information Gathering
While the beer is still spitting from my nose, my spidey-sense goes off. Well, not exactly my spidey-sense, but you get the gist.
I wouldnt be scared of these three under normal conditions. But I cant afford to reveal my identity and conjuring a shield made of [Light] would be a big giveaway now, wouldnt it? Also, dispelling the spell will be harder because the guy is clearly activating his ring.
What I can do, however, is to answer tit-for-tat.
[Single-Minded Focus]
The world around me slows down, and I breathe deeply.
[Advanced Light Shaping]
[Restructuring Conditions Met: Advanced Light Lance Advanced me Lance]
I improved the conversion efficiency, and, thankfully, both spells are advanced now. A bolt ising from the ring, but my spell is equally fast. In an instant, the two magical projectiles meet mid-air, exploding in the center of the inn. I have summoned a sh-shield of invisible [Light] to avoid being sted by the shockwave, but I cant say the same for the three Fellows.
To my surprise, though, they simply fall on their butts, frowning in my direction.
Where Ie from, I say, still standing, the Fellowship of the Ring a funny name. Theres a story about some short people and Humans forming a fellowship around one ring. Thats why Iughed. If you have any more problems with that, just tell me. Otherwise, Im here for business as much as you are.
I take a seat at my table as if nothing has happened, the one patron currently resting his butt on a chair. I look at Breakstones cigar, left abandoned beside me; after pondering for a second, I go for the cool look. I pick up the smoking thing and suck some smoke into my mouth. In an instant, my eyes begin watering profusely, and even though I have not inhaled it, I start coughing, almost retching.
Disgusting! Cough! Cough! Jesus Almighty, who the hell smokes this shit?!
Should we kill him? the shortest of the three asks.
His level might be higher than ours. Im not getting a read on him. Dont be fooled, thats the leader at the front, the man who just shot a deadly bolt at me.
So? the shorter Fellow asks.
So, we do business, as per usual.
The leader walks to my table and sits where Breakstone had been until a moment ago. Calm like a pond, he takes the cigar from my hand and stomps on it. Then, he fishes out for two good-smelling and beautifully wrapped cigars and offers me one.
So, kid, are you here for business? Im Murray. Nice to meet you.
So, Chandler, Murray tells me, What is your business here?
His two associates are not sitting with us. They headed toward the room in the back, probably conducting some shady business of their own.
Information. Im looking to buy for past and future.
The Fellows provide, he says with a nod.
Is that a yes, we do that? Will he be offended, if I ask?
I need someone to give me a list of all the secret sses.
Just so we are on the same page, you are talking about the academy, right, kid?
I take another puff from the good cigar and nod.
What else would I be talking about? I smile.
sses like the one you are hiding so well. But I doubt we would sell that list to someone we didnt know yet. Are you new?
New to crime, you mean?
He raises an eyebrow as if the question was too obvious to be answered.
Id wager that my head is more valuable than yours. But Im rtively new to this scene. Is that good enough?
As long as you have the gold, kid, its all good with me.
Why does everyone call me kid here?
You have no scars, kid. No tattoos. In this business, thats a dead giveaway.
Murray looks around, searching the crowd. He licks his front teeth as some sort of a tic.
Tworge ones for the information on your secret sses. We have a record of the confirmed ones, the suspected ones, and even those likely to still be on from past years.
You want two thousand golds? Isnt that a bit much?
Murray looks at me like Im an idiot.
Two hundred golds, kid. Not thousand. And its non-negotiable.
Huh.
Do the I take a sharp breath to avoidughing, Fellows have a known hideout in this city?
The Poisoned Snake, why?
I take out two bags of money containing a hundred gold coins each.
If the information is not good enough, Murray, youll know.
The not-so-veiled threat doesnt seem to faze the man he simply takes the bags of money without even looking at them. He directly ces them in his bag of holding. Then, one of the other two Fellowses out from the back and whispers something in Murrays ear.
Well, Gioeius, well deliver the information right to your house.
Oh, thats nice. But please, keep up the Chandler. Id like my identity not to be revealed to my fellow students. Its better if Chandler is my business name.
They look at me nkly for a second.
What? Do you think Im afraid of youing to my ce? Hell, Id be surprised if you made it to my room in one piece. But if you want to try, send you very best Fellows.
Murray, shouldnt we teach him a lesson? the shorter Elf snarls.
With so much bravado, he could be an [Archmage]s son or a royal. As long as he pays and shows proper respect, well just continue our business, Yelsie.
Yelsie?
What?
And where does Murraye from?
Another thing, when are you going to do the delivery? I need it quite soon. Also, I need someone to gather all avable information on some people. Do you offer such a service?
The Fellows provide, they both say with a nod.
Creepy, but ok.
Can I have an address or something? I already have a list of names, I say, taking out a piece of paper, but Ill probably need even more than that. And a general report on every student of the academy would be nice too. Nothing too in-depth, save for the ones I specifically wrote down for you. How much for such a thing?
Again with the is this guy an idiot? look.
You want a list of every damn student and their background? Yelsieughs. Not even the academy has something like that. It would take almost all the Fellows who are not currently on the job to produce such a list.
How much? I smile widely and add my signature wink.
Kid, are you sure you want to hire the Fellows for this job? I can give you the list of sses because we sometimes do business with [Mages] from the academy that are connected. Here, you are talking about
How much? I repeat.
Murray and Yelsie exchange a bewildered look.
Kid, a job this big will leak. It would work better if there were someone specific that you were looking for. The big yers in the academy will notice the buzz. You might even alert an [Archmage]. You are talking about hundreds of general reports. Hell, maybe even a thousand. We would have to hire a t-eared [Secretary] just to catalog them for you!
Well, I like to know who Im getting in business with. Id also like a report on the most known criminal groups in the city. Oh, a couple of history books, andwhatever. Listen, I have a list of things I need.
I take out a neat stack of papers from my bag of holding and give it to them.
Here, you will find the names of the people on whom I need in-depth research. Theres also more general stuff like the nicest restaurants in town, the biggest businesses, major criminal yers, and some reports on [Archmages] and their cliques. Everyone seems pretty scared of you. You must know your stuff.
Kid, you better not be messing with me. Some of this is trivial work. The rest? Theres information that could have you killed just for knowing.
I know that parts of my MO are not subtle or smart, but Im quite sleep-deprived, and I need to know more about this ce. If I were to blow my cover somehow and I can assure you that its very unlikely I would just change my identity. I have Vriths protection. Even if I came out of hiding, no one could really touch me. The [Archmages] themselves would steer clear of me, no doubt.
Its not kid, its Chandler. And if you could give me a price for all of this, we would probably
A hundredrge, Murray says with a straight face. And the price could get steeper if some of these jobs became more dangerous than initially ounted for. We will have to mobilize every Fellow, Chandler. And some of them might like you a bit too much if you know what Im saying.
I look at the table with a frown.
Come on, Murray, lets go. We have real business to take care of, Yelsie says.
Follow me, I say while getting up.
I scan the ce for a sturdy table and see a thick, circr one on the other side of the inn.
Hello, fuck off, I tell the people sitting there. Thankfully, the two scary Fellows behind me seem to do the job, and everyone instantly vacates their seats.
I start pulling out bags of coins one after another, so many that my arm starts getting stiff, and I have to alternate between the two to avoid getting cramps.
Wait, Murray. Arent those bags marked with the Royal Sigil?
I look at the weird insignia on the bag and huff.
Huh, thats true.
I keep shoveling out more bags. At least the Royal Treasury had the decency to organize the small ones. My bag of holding is courtesy of Vrith and can contain a lot of stuff. But I still had to leave most of the gold I had robbed from the pce in Vriths hands. It was simply too much.
After a few minutes and with me panting, theres so much gold on the table now that the fellows are speaking into some custom artifacts.
Yes, yes. I know. Get them here, now, Murray is speaking fast. An idiot just took out a hundredrge in front ofyes, yes. Now. The bags are marked. No, no. I cant feel any trackers. Yes, Ive used it already. Come here as fast as possible.
It doesnt take long before more than a dozen Fellowse to the inn and push the current customers out. See, when you have so much cash out in the open, even the weakest criminal gets ideas.
As soon as even the half-giant manning the counter is out, a hugeis that an Ahali? I guess. Well, a huge Ahali approaches. Its a male, and hes built like a damn gori. Taller than the tallest Elf by at least a foot. Hes as big as the half-giant and probably twice the weight.
Murray, the Ahali nods to the Elf. Whats the job?
This is our employer, Murray nods at me.
Yo, I wink at the Ahali. I notice some scaled patches on his otherwise very furry arms.
The Fellows provide, the huge Ahali says with a nod.
The Fellows provide, the others chorus.
Great. Now, as I was saying, this is mostly an information-gathering job. Please, dont whack anyone if its not strictly necessaryespecially not the students. If you have to whack other criminals, be my guest. If it is more expensive than previously forecasted, just tell me. If you think you can rob me, it will force me to be very, very mean. And Id rather not reveal everything about me.
:Chapter 207: Study Group
:Chapter 207: Study Group
I take my gaze up from the Omnium Compendium, feeling some movement from below. I hear some swearing and a very loud yawn. Looking outside the window, I realize its morning already.
Huh.
Would you look at that?
Well, Ill sleep tomorrow. In a world of fantasy and magic, I dare say that losing some sleep is not a tragedy. Plus, considering that the Fellows might havee knocking with Marcellus still sleeping downstairs, its better that I didnt sleep. The short Elf would have needed me to protect him.
I stop reading about why [Sleep] spells would fail on a person and take out a thermos of rtively fresh coffee. Man, I really like this new blend of spices. I would have definitely sold it atwhatever.
Yo, I say at Marcellus, whos already munching on some food. I take a croissant for myself and sink my teeth in it. I miss the ingredient that Stan used to source for me. The butter that I used for these croissants wasnt the best; that made it almost impossible to create a perfect kiness.
May the morning. shine favorably on you, Gioeius!
You too, I say while chomping on my breakfast. Did you sleep well on the couch?
It was more than adequate, thank you. True nobility resides in our hearts, not in the weakness of limbs.
What?
Sure, buddy. Lessons start in less than an hour. Have you already found some of the elective sses?
Errrnothing in particr. I was hoping that something would catch my eye today. On top of that, why would you worry about the electives? Its usually second-year students and older ones that look for them. I mean, people wait to graduate to gather information on what secret sses might be lurking in the darkness.
Do they? Meh, whatever. If you have any idea what you would like to know more about, just tell me. I think I could hook you up with something.
I see a sh of hope in his eyes that is rapidly reced by sadness.
For free, Marcellus. I dont need money, I rotate my finger to highlight how rich this ce looks. Despite the mess, Ive still splurged more than a few coins here. So many that it wouldnt be weird if some [Assassins] or [Investigators] came to me. Thats why I also worked hard on the wards.
Really?
For real, buddy. What kind of [Mage] would you like to be?
At the question, the short Elf starts scratching his head with an embarrassed smile.
I dont really know. [Illusionist] sounds cool?
Iugh.
You are young, right? You can spend a few more days with me and maybe I can see if I can put together a list of sses that may be of interest, what do you say? Only if your noble butt can take the couch again.
Marcellus is definitely broke. Like, really broke. I have no idea why. Nor I have investigated his ss yet. But I get the impression that all the posturing is the making of a low-leveled [[[Actor]*]]. Maybe a [[[Thespian]*]]? God knows. But this kid seems cool at times, until he forgets that hes supposed to act, like he just did when I told him that I would tell him where some secret sses are located.
Anyway, lets grab some food for the others and head to ss.
I look at the [Professor], or maybe [Historian], with wide eyes. Never in my life I have been so interested in history. Back on Earth, it was what I considered the subject fit for dumb people. I had this edgy period where I thought that anyone really interested in history was just too dumb to understand the future, and thats why they looked into the past. Now, even though I have retracted such a thesis, I have still some reserves on the extensive study of history.
But this is the first time I see an actual Foxman. Or Foxwoman. I have yet to ask what the denomination is. But do you know how some Disney characters like the female tiger in the Lion King look kinda hot? Well, thats what Im talking about here.
She has fluffy ears and the fluffiest fox tail. A huge fox tail. God. Plus, her face is mostly Human, but with some foxy connotations. Its hard to exin, but imagine the blue things from Avatar, but now the movie is called Fox. Yeah, like that. #Foxman
[[[Professor]*]] Aliuna.
Thats her name.
[[Aliuna]].
I think. I wasnt paying too much attention when she was introducing herself to the ss.
I wonder if its a trait of this clearly superior species or if shes just particrly gifted, but theres another part of her thats huge. And Im not talking about the previously mentioned tail. [[Aliuna]]
She teaches History of Epretos I. And she has gone right to the meatiest topic that we will study during her course. To try and give a somewhat impartial look at the history of the continent, they had chosen someone who was not an Elf.
The famous death of [Great Prince] [[Vespasianus]] is what everyone knows about the Extermination War. Some argue that we should use the plural, Wars. And thats because many Elves use Humans of having tried to exterminate them during the first real Continental War of Epretos. The nomenture is, sadly, not uniform. Many books were written on this topic, especially here. But few authors were proper [Historians] and fewer still were impartial. As you can imagine, theres a lot of present politics still involved. Maybe too much to ask for a neutral recounting of the facts.
Everyone is pretty much bored to death by the exnation. The only thing thats keeping me awake is the fact that [Professor] Aliuna is a smokeshow.
So, I can see that many of you are trying to sneak a nap during the first ss of the day, she says with a nonplussed face. But that why a ss like mine is essential, here. [Ringing Voice]. Now, this should help withmunication. And to keep you awake.
Suddenly, I can hear the professors voice as if I was listening to her with headphones. At full volume. And just a touch too loud to befortable with it. Her voice rings so much that I can feel my eyes ring from the part thats inside my skull.
As I was saying, very few wonder why thest war started. Why? Well, because everyone pins it down to the [Great Prince]s death. But, to be honest, its much moreplex than that. Elves and Humans alike had a very intertwined politics until then. And the war bled both parts to an incredible extent. Entire sses were canceled by that war. Even though it was a massacre, a lot of Humans ran to [[Teiko]]. To this day, you could trace many Humans heritage to Epretos. And thats why its so interesting to study history. Humans came to Epretos, then Elves came. Humans fought Elves. Elves repelled Humans and sent them back to Teiko. Thats an essay in three sentences, beautiful, right?
God.
My ears are literally ringing, but every single word was spoken with incredible rity and it impressed itself in my brain. This woman is definitely using multiple skills to enhance her lesson. Theres no other way I could be learning history otherwise, especially Elven history.
But then, if it wasnt the [Great Prince], what was it? What great event could have brought two races to fight to thest? The famous war of Ahali and Vanedenis hassted for centuries and only now some [Historians] say that it coulde to an end in the next fifty years. The [[Extermination Wars]]sted around two hundred years. Remember, there are several events that [[[Historian]*]]s use to indicate the end of the war. But theres not a widespread consensus. The war was rtively swift for a conflict so big and dragged out. But thest fifty years were the so-called [[Desert Persecutions]]. The Elves sought out every single member of the Human army, even the deserters, and brutally executed them. Now, many peace treaties are in ce, but its impossible to acknowledge the enmity that these actions brought upon the two races. And as for the why
The professor looks above the desks of the ss where hundreds of students areying.
I believe in coboration. And I believe that the greatest feats can only be aplished by a carefully formed group. Thats why you will be each assigned to a group. The assignment for our midterm is to write aprehensive essay on why the Extermination War started. And Id like to point out that History of Epretos I is a mandatory ss. Therefore, if you fail, you will fail the year and have to retake the entrance test to the academy. Assistants, please.
Several Foxmen started scuttling around the ce, distributing sheets.
I have personally handpicked each group based on your affinities and my skills. If your bond is conductive, you are grouped together. If you are friend, but you only waste time when you are together, you will be split in different groups. My skill is able to put together the best groups. Before Inded this job, I worked for the Adventurers Guild, the central one. And I was in charge of forming and training special Gold-ranked and above groups. Few people could have better pairing.
As I scan the sheet that Ive been given, I immediately find the others right below mine.
Gioeius, team leader, I groan.
We have all been ced in the same group, I hear Amelia cheer from two seats to my right.
Anneus sighs and shakes his head.
Marcellus simply smiles warmly toward the piece of paper.
Zahra looks at me with her I know you are up to something look.
Alba cranes her head forward, embarrassed.
I notice that there are more names on the list. Names I dont know.
Adrastus, Aurelia, Sabina
They all sound like Elves.
Im Sabina, a feminine voice says. I raise my head to look at the speaker while the rest of the ss starts moving toward their respective groups, degenerating in a massive chaos.
Hi Sabina, Im Gioeius, but you can call me Gioei. These are
While the others present themselves, I look at the guy I talked to during the ceremony before I saw Anneus being bullied.
Gioieus? Im Adrastus, we already spoke, he tells me with a pained expression.
Yeah, man. You stuck with us?
He nods with a sigh.
No offense, he adds a momentter.
No offense. We are a bunch of idiots. But lets try to make the best out of this, right?
Adrastus nods, but his heart is not in it.
We are only missing Aurelia, then.
Im Aurelia, thest Elf appears among three people who were stepping up the stairs. She dodged them with grace and elegance, pirouetteing in front of us.
Great. Nice to meet you Aurelia. Why dont you three sits with us? I guess its going to be necessary from now on.
Everyone starts sitting with their respective group and in around ten minutes we are all done.
Perfect, the professor drops the skill and speaks normally. Now, you will have the entire semester to ponder on the question. Ill still give out assignments that will count toward the midterm. Every assignment is collective. Theres no individual work here. And, lucky you, I have asked the other professors and most of them agreed to mark your tests based on your group. So, the group you just formed will be responsible of whether you are going to fail the other sses as well. This shall keep everyone ountable. If you dont work as a team once you are out of here, you will die. I have seen countless arrogant [Mages] not listen to orders and dooming their entire team. This time, Ill nip the issue in the bud. Oh, and since I can hear some of you already protesting. All those who just protested got their team minus two points on the midterm. So, better ace those assignments if you dont want to fail out.
Theres definitely some anger in her tone and shes left slightly panting at the end. After a quick nce at my teammates, no one seems to have protested. Some look resigned, but at least they were smart enough to keep their mouth shut.
Lesson adjourned!
Chapter 208: -
Chapter 208: -
Do you know that in Italy, Mickey Mouse is actually more famous than it is in the US? They have had an entire editorial independent line for years. Decades. And its so incredibly popr and independent that in 1990, Mickey Mouse, the always perfect, showed us the one weakness he might have ever had. If you were born in the US, Mickey Mouse is mostly present in some shows for kids. Hisics were not as hot as in Italy, and not even close. In the 80s and 90s, the wordic, in Italy, meant Mickey Mouse and the other famous Disney characters like Donald Duck. It was that weirdly dominating position that spawned the dark hero Paperinik, or better known as the duck avenger by the world outside Italy. But, unlike the duck avenger, Paperinik was aplex psychological portrait of a misguided hero.
Anyway, my point was that there was this magnificentic that my mother managed to get for me. And oh boy, I remember crying so much when I finished reading it. I dont think its so random that I found myself thinking of it. In this number, the weirdest of things happened. Mickey, faithful to Minnie for more than sixty years, had a massive fight with the woman. And guess what, the not-so-perfect-anymore mouse fell in love with another woman, GASP! Samantha was a witch, daughter of a powerful wizard. To avoid upsetting the main rtionship too much, the story went that her powerful father put both Mickey and Samantha in an alternative reality where they got married; the idea was that they needed time to understand that their rtionship would not have worked.
Why?
Well, at first, they were absolutely perfect for each other. But then, allegedly, their rtionship would have certainly failed. We all know that the authors did that because they couldnt just separate Mickey and Minnie. But for one glorious number, the famous mouse lived a different story. It was a story that didnt belong to him, with a different woman, in a different world. It was doomed to fail, obviously. But, for once in his enved life, for the first time even, Mickey lived through one real failure, one thing that he was not perfect at.
Love.
God, I still remember my mother almost tore apart theic when she found me crying so hard that I looked sick. I was feverish, could barely articte a word. I dont know why. I dont know what exactly possessed me at that point in time. I liked reading, a lot. And sometimes I cried. But before that day, such an outburst was unknown to me. I didnt know I could have so many tears to shed for a simple sillyic. And the truth was that it had struck a deeper cord in the young me, it had touched something that had always hidden from the external world.
Hell, I wrote on hell of a summer book report. After begging my mother day and night for several days, she gave me theic back. And I remember analyzing every single detail of it, every single consideration. I rarely brag and I really dont care about boasting about my capabilities, intellect, or whatever. But that time, I guarantee you that you would have lost your pants if you had read my summer book report. I must have had twelve years max. Theic was several years old already. I dont remember exactly, but yes, I was extremely young. I dont recall which exact grade I was attending, but I recall that I was already way ahead of my age, probably close to graudating yet another year in advance because of my credits. When I brought my summer book report to my teacher, sheughed at the title and dismissed it.
This woman didnt read what could have possibly have been the most important thing I have ever written. That was the first time in my life I really tried. It was several pages long, and it had taken me more than any other assignment. I think I spent almost a month on it, writing and rewriting it. I even went to the public library to consult other books as references. A kid. Consulting references.
But when she put it aside,ughing it off, I simply ignored it. I didnt tell her that it was the most special thing I had ever done. I looked at the woman, at her spite of my masterpiece, and just went back to my normal life. In my memory, that was the one time I really tried, that I really tried hard.
One time.
While I look at the assignment for our History of Epretos I midterm, I wonder how much of that episode is still relevant. Mickey lived in a different dimension and learned how to love a different woman. What would have happened if the wizard had helped them, instead of working against them? Well, you could find the answer in my summer book report. Wait, not the answer. A bunch of ifs that go deeper than whatever that fat German of Hegel ever wrote on realityyeah, again, that is the one thing I like to boast in my life.
I found myself wondering, recently, whether my different dimension is this costume Im wearing to attend the academy, or maybe this entire world. Ive obviously pondered the chance that this could all be a dream, a figment of my imagination. Its not. But you find yourself wondering in the samy way people believe that Earth might be a simtion.
Hes been like that for more than ten minutes, I hear a female voice whispering.
Then, I feel a hand softly grabbing my wrist.
Gioei? How long has it been since youst slept?
Huh?
I look up and find Amelia staring at me. We are all sitting in a park inside the academy, waiting for the next lesson toe along.
What?
Wait. [Read Pulse], Amelia frowns, your body feels like its going to fall apart at any moment! How long have you been up?
Unlike her usually loud voice, the Elf woman is now employing a softer tone.
I dont know, a couple of days, maybe? I say. Im really not entirely sure. My mind feels numb, at this point.
Amelia looks at me with a frown.
No. It has to be closer to six or seven. Maybe an entire week. Gioeius, you need to sleep. If you dont, you might fall sick
Its fine, I say trying to get up from the benches we are sitting on. Ill be fine. Ill just sleep tonight.
Oh, I dont think so, she says, not letting go of my wrist.
[Sleeping Touch], [Threefold Rest].
My world goes dark.
When I open my eyes again, I find Amelia watching over me. We are at my ce and Marcellus and another ElfSabina, is here. Outside is almost dark, meaning I slept at least eight solid hours.
Gioei? Can you hear me? Amelia asks, worriedly.
Yes? Woah, I feelrested. This is nice, I say, revelling in the feeling of finally having slept for a while.
Nice? You just slept the equivalent of twenty-four hours. We fed you some potions that Sabina kindly provided for us. I used a skill called [Threefold Rest]. Its supposed to give you three times as much restpared to how long you sleep. I thought you would be out for two or three hours at best. Its been almost eleven hours since you fell asleep. And my skill is not exactly three times. It works on only one person at a time, but its even stronger than its name suggests. You were supposed to sleep much, much less. The fact that you slept so long means that your body was on the verge of copse.
I look inside my head, finding that some of the enchantments I had used to keep myself functioning properly are now not working anymore. Because my body has finally had the rest it needed.
Ah.
Maybe I was going a bit too far, wasnt I?
Thanks, Amelia, I say with a smile. But did we miss the sses?
Yep, Marcellus says. But the others have took some notes and brought them here. Anneus went to a [Scribe] who made copies for all three of us.
Wait, what lessons were we supposed to attend today?
Advanced Cantrips I and Fundamentals of Enchanting, Sabina says from the side.
Oh, thats good, then, I sigh. I can probably help you all with those two. Im very good at Cantrips.
Everyone here is very good at Cantrips, Sabina deadpans, thats why we are in the academy. Advanced Cantrips means that there are Cantrips of old and harder versions we are supposed to practice. And we just missed the direct instructions because you copsed in the middle of the day. I gave you some tonics that would have worked on a person three times your size. Have you been drinking things or wearing enchantments to keep yourself awake?
I materialize five spinning, color-changing, football-sized [Lights].
If our teacher knows more than me about Cantrips, I will literally throw myself from the highest tower.
Everyone looks at the [Lights] with their mouth open.
Anyway, thank you all. Really. I needed some rest.
After some talks, Sabina and Amelia went back home. Amelia made me promise that I will take better care of my sleep, saying that shes going to check if I slept or not tomorrow morning during lessons.
AS Im chilling on the couch with Marcellus, talking about some possible bakingpositions, I hear a knock.
Huh.
Marcy, do me a favor, go upstairs, I say with a rxed smile. I suspect that some gentlemen Im doing business with might have finally brought the stuff I paid for. But its private.
Marcellus does as said after saying some weird noble-like stuff.
As soon as he disappears upstairs, I double check my wards and the amulet Im wearing under the robes. I look at the walls where I invisibly inscribed catalyzers for [Gamma-Knife]. If worsees to worst, I can cast the spell much faster than in any other ce. Ill exin the theory of it at another time.
I take onest look around and cast a [Silence] spell on the floor.
I open the door with a shield already on top of my fingers, ready to be casted, matrix halfpleted.
Let me in, a non-descript man with a short beard looks at me. Hes not an Elf and he has an irritated look on his face.
Fellow? I ask.
Did you justwhatever. Murray said that we a kid brought out all that money. They are a bunch of idiots. Let me in, Joey Luciani.
Holy shit.
I make way for the man whos rubbing his forehead with a hand and taking out a napkin with the other. Now, he dabs at his sweaty neck.
Do you have any idea how many people I had to pull from jobs? Do you have any idea the risk that you just created for my organization, you idiot?
What?
The man takes a seat on the couch, but then he eyes some of the foodying around and gets up to take some.
The Fellows risked attracting the wrong kind of attention without even knowing. But guess whos the idiot paying with Royally Marked coin? I mean, who could it ever be? A person backed by a legendary [Princess] that supposedly died centuries ago, so strong that it could flip Epretos with a flick of her fingers? Who could ever be some brazen to steal half the Royal Treasurys gold?
The man stops, panting, and chomps down on one of my pastries filled with a personal knock-off of Nute.
Oh, this is good. I wish it was poisoned, though.
What?
Poisoned, Joey Luciani
Why?
Why? Do you have any idea of how much work it was to cover your tracks? Your backstory barely checked out. And guess what, I had to call in my favors with the [Dean]. Oh, and expect to be called in his office very soon. He already knew your identity, by the way.
What?
Whats happening here?
Im sorry, who are you?
Chapter 209: Charity Cases
Chapter 209: Charity Cases
Im sorry, who are you?
The man looks at me like Im the greatest idiot on this.
Are you serious? You cantwhatever. They know me as Robin Good.
I snort.
Do you think its funny?
Im sorry, it just reminds me ofnever mind. Please, go ahead.
The man has a rugged aspect. Hes clearly in his forties, or up there. He has the dangerous glint of a seasoned killer, but also the bored gaze of a public servant.
Ill make it easy, Joey Luciani. Or, if you prefer, Chandler, the man rubs his forehead. You do realize that the only reason you are alive is because of the Vanedeni [Princess], right?
Well, Robin, I say, you do realize that this house is well warded, right? You are what, a [Rogue] of some sorts?
Oh, I do, he says, slightly leaning forward. And this time, his posture is not rxed, its the one of a predator ready to pounce. But just for a second. Then, he reclines back on the couch, rxed. Im a mage-killer. A specialist, if you would. And yes, this ce smells of so much magic that it gives me the creep. Ive seen towers less warded. Luciani, your infamous nature is well-known. But what Im here for is to try and understand if you can do business with the Fellows on the right terms. Otherwise, Im taking every single one of my man out of this deal.
You want in on the Vanedeni action, I say, finallypletely awake. Hell, I really needed that sleep. Now, my brain is back in good shape. You are too careful of a man to want to get in business with an unknown and dangerous quantity such as myself. You want the [Princess] business. If the woman goes back and conquers Kome, whoever helps her do so will be tremendously rich. Beyond any imagination. And not just that, they will also be a friend of Vanedenis. And not just Vanedenis, very angry and vengeful Vanedenis.
I crack my neck. Half for the badass effect, half because they didnt ce a proper pillow under it. Im delicate, guys. You should have watched for it. While I try to massage away the tenderness, I wait for the man to say something.
Anything.
But it takes a while before he talks again.
You are not stupid.
A [Mage] kills Adriana, a DRAGON, and Appius, a soon-to-be [Archmage]. And people believe Im an idiot?
You put on a very convincing act. You forgot to create an alias for yourself. And you didnt hide this face. You associated a student with the criminal underworld and insane amounts of money. I had to run around all day to keep your identity safe. You might be a very powerful [Mage], but you are as dull as theye as a criminal.
I have no idea what kind of Vrith has around the world, Robin, I tell the guy. The woman is a bit cuckoo if you catch my drift. But I can try and set up a meeting. I must warn you, though. Her disciple, the guy that I almost wiped the ground with, is even crazier. If you try anything funnyyou know, just dont. I dont want to get involved when they exterminate your entire organization. You dont mess up with Vanedenis, Robin.
The man nods, with a lost look in the distance.
Grandpa used to say the same thing, the man shook his head. I am one quarter Vanedenis, Joey Luciani. My grandpa killed his way up to the top of the criminal world. He was one of the craziest assassins in the business. [Royal Guards] tried to hunt him as they sometimes do with some of the most dangerous criminals. Do you know what he did? He started hunting for them. He would go after them at night after they had looked for him during the day. Anyone connected to his investigation got killed. He was one of the nightmares on this continent. My old man used to say that he tried so hard to be a [Hero], or even just a warrior worthy enough to help win the war. But he needed targets that werent Ahali.
Are criminals supposed to share these stories? Arent you supposed to be all secretive and stuff?
If Im in business with an idiot like you? Not really. I want [Princess] Vrith to know that we share some of the same blood.
Fair enough. So, your grandpa, did they get him?
Who? The royals? HA! My grandpa said that he only killed strong targets because it made him level. He was a madman. He was fifty years old, and probably above level 50. Hell, some say that he was above level 60. No, the man went back to Kome to fight the Ahali. Never heard from him since. I was ten when that happened. He had married a Human here on Epretos, taught me when I was a kid. To this day, I suffered the hardest training of my life when he was around. I think I have an idea of what Im getting in bed with.
Do you?
A voice resounds in my head and, presumably, in Robins head as well since hes jumping out of the couch, already disappearing among shadows.
Levener, I yawn looking at the man with sewn lips.
I was listening. I noticed someone with a fairly high leveling here and triggering one of my wards.
One of what? I say, narrowing my eyes.
You want an audience with the her highness?? Levener says without moving his lips.
Suddenly, Robin is yanked out of the darkness he had disappeared in and thrown on the couch.
I look at Levener and I swear I can feel my hands itch. I really want to beat the shit out of this guy. Few people get on my nerves like this douche.
Levener, Robin is my guest, I growl instinctively.
So? he looks at me with clear contempt.
I smack my lips and smile.
So? I ask. So, I will fry you alive if you do that again, how about that? You Vanedenis always go on about not offending each other and that stuff. You want to behave like a little bully, like someone from Teiko? Do that somewhere else, not under my roof.
I see the eyes of the Vanedeni go wide. Comparing one of them to someone from Teiko is a big damn insult in their culture.
You are ready to make good on your threat? this time, his voicees almost under the guise of a mental attack.
Try me, bitch.
As expected, [Princess] Vrith materializes between us in a second. internally, I sigh. I wanted her here, not a bloodshed. This should help with my negotiation with the Robin fe. If Vrith wants his business, she will say so. If she doesnt, this is a show of muscle big enough to make the Fellow think twice before trying to go after me.
Oh, right. I didnt tell Levener and I have since learned how to defend myself from proper mind reading. I wanted to mess with the man a little. I do want to shove a cactus up his ass sidewaysI wasnt faking that. But I also know that hes a maniac, and a very powerful one.
It took a while for Vrith to listen to the extent of Robins proposal. In the meanwhile, I took another nap on the couch. Apparently, they came to some kind of agreement. Its cool, to be honest. But whatever they were up to, Ive got better things to take care of at the moment. The main reason Im here is because I wanted the college experience that I never got. But also, Im not going through it without cheating a little. And not on tests. I dont need that kind of cheating. No, its more like I need to know more about the people here, about the sess. Im like one of those Gary Stu characters who have way too much knowledge to make a tale enjoyable, that are way overpowered; but at the same time, they are also interesting because people empathize with them.
Isnt that something, huh?
These are the reports on the specific names, Robin says with a slightly pale face. Vrith and Levener left after having the man sign a magically binding contract with blood. Blood magic, nasty stuff.
I start going through all the names and the summarized descriptions make me raise my eyebrows more than a little.
Are you sure about this? I say while holding up one of the files.
The Fellows
Provide, yes. I know. But howdo you know what shewhatever.
I put down the file I was reading and take up another.
Yeah, I saw thising. Christ.
Then, a few more.
As expected, the most boring one was about Adrastus.
From the royal court, no less.
Son of a [Courtier], no royal blood in him, Robin rified. It was easy enough to gather informations on the others. I put some of my best men on the job, considering what you are paying. We are still putting together the general profiles of every other student. The [Dean] wants a copy of those, by the way. He said hes going to pay quite a bit of money.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Ill talk to him, I say while getting the previous files in front of my eyes once again.
Jesus, this stuff iswow.
Poor bastards, Robin shrugged. There are more people like that than you would imagine, Luciani.
I look upstairs, where Marcellus has been hit with a [Sleep] spell from Levener when the whole thing started taking a little too long.
Man.
Robin stays silent and just observes me. He has done the deal of a lifetime with the [Princess]. Plus, its rtively risk free. More of a gathering thing, from what I gathered.
No shame in changing crews when the individuals dont fit your standards, Robin says, probablypelled to give me a piece of his mind.
I bit my lower lip with a frown.
This is fuck, I swear.
Jumping crews? I say, while my mind switches back to the person in front of me. What? And leave these people to rot? Not my style. Plus, they are not bad people. Just losers. Unlucky losers, it seems.
You like a charity case?
Nah, I like people who struggle. If they managed to get into the academy, they must have balls as hard as steel. Especially Amelia, huh?
She seems one of the most peculiar cases among your study group.
Yeah, thats putting it mildly, I say while going through her file.
Im about to enter a deep thinking session when Robins voice brings me back to the present.
Can I ask you a question?
Shoot.
Why are you doing this? Isnt the [Princess] a better teacher for magic than anything you could find here?
Not just her, but also Lord Juler, pal. And the Omnium Compendium, on top of those two. Hell, probably Levener alone could teach me more than this academy if I needed it that bad.
For fun, I guess.
You are faking a dangerous disguise that could have you killed if found out by the [Royal Guards] for fun? Are you pulling my leg here? If you dont want to tell me your real motive is fine, but dont take me for a fool.
For fun, really.
Whatever. So, what are you going to do with those people? Robin sighs while pointing at the files. And do you need more stuff on them?
I need you to pull more detailed info on a couple of them, but otherwise its enough. As for what Im going do to, its simple: Im going to help them.
Chapter 208: The Love and The Sleep
Chapter 208: The Love and The Sleep
Do you know that in Italy, Mickey Mouse is actually more famous than it is in the US? They have had an entire editorial independent line for years. Decades. And its so incredibly popr and independent that in 1990, Mickey Mouse, the always perfect, showed us the one weakness he might have ever had. If you were born in the US, Mickey Mouse is mostly present in some shows for kids. Hisics were not as hot as in Italy, and not even close. In the 80s and 90s, the wordic, in Italy, meant Mickey Mouse and the other famous Disney characters like Donald Duck. It was that weirdly dominating position that spawned the dark hero Paperinik, or better known as the duck avenger by the world outside Italy. But, unlike the duck avenger, Paperinik was aplex psychological portrait of a misguided hero.
Anyway, my point was that there was this magnificentic that my mother managed to get for me. And oh boy, I remember crying so much when I finished reading it. I dont think its so random that I found myself thinking of it. In this number, the weirdest of things happened. Mickey, faithful to Minnie for more than sixty years, had a massive fight with the woman. And guess what, the not-so-perfect-anymore mouse fell in love with another woman, GASP! Samantha was a witch, daughter of a powerful wizard. To avoid upsetting the main rtionship too much, the story went that her powerful father put both Mickey and Samantha in an alternative reality where they got married; the idea was that they needed time to understand that their rtionship would not have worked.
Why?
Well, at first, they were absolutely perfect for each other. But then, allegedly, their rtionship would have certainly failed. We all know that the authors did that because they couldnt just separate Mickey and Minnie. But for one glorious number, the famous mouse lived a different story. It was a story that didnt belong to him, with a different woman, in a different world. It was doomed to fail, obviously. But, for once in his enved life, for the first time even, Mickey lived through one real failure, one thing that he was not perfect at.
Love.
God, I still remember my mother almost tore apart theic when she found me crying so hard that I looked sick. I was feverish, could barely articte a word. I dont know why. I dont know what exactly possessed me at that point in time. I liked reading, a lot. And sometimes I cried. But before that day, such an outburst was unknown to me. I didnt know I could have so many tears to shed for a simple sillyic. And the truth was that it had struck a deeper cord in the young me, it had touched something that had always hidden from the external world.
Hell, I wrote on hell of a summer book report. After begging my mother day and night for several days, she gave me theic back. And I remember analyzing every single detail of it, every single consideration. I rarely brag and I really dont care about boasting about my capabilities, intellect, or whatever. But that time, I guarantee you that you would have lost your pants if you had read my summer book report. I must have had twelve years max. Theic was several years old already. I dont remember exactly, but yes, I was extremely young. I dont recall which exact grade I was attending, but I recall that I was already way ahead of my age, probably close to graudating yet another year in advance because of my credits. When I brought my summer book report to my teacher, sheughed at the title and dismissed it.
This woman didnt read what could have possibly have been the most important thing I have ever written. That was the first time in my life I really tried. It was several pages long, and it had taken me more than any other assignment. I think I spent almost a month on it, writing and rewriting it. I even went to the public library to consult other books as references. A kid. Consulting references.
But when she put it aside,ughing it off, I simply ignored it. I didnt tell her that it was the most special thing I had ever done. I looked at the woman, at her spite of my masterpiece, and just went back to my normal life. In my memory, that was the one time I really tried, that I really tried hard.
One time.
While I look at the assignment for our History of Epretos I midterm, I wonder how much of that episode is still relevant. Mickey lived in a different dimension and learned how to love a different woman. What would have happened if the wizard had helped them, instead of working against them? Well, you could find the answer in my summer book report. Wait, not the answer. A bunch of ifs that go deeper than whatever that fat German of Hegel ever wrote on realityyeah, again, that is the one thing I like to boast in my life.
I found myself wondering, recently, whether my different dimension is this costume Im wearing to attend the academy, or maybe this entire world. Ive obviously pondered the chance that this could all be a dream, a figment of my imagination. Its not. But you find yourself wondering in the samy way people believe that Earth might be a simtion.
Hes been like that for more than ten minutes, I hear a female voice whispering.
Then, I feel a hand softly grabbing my wrist.
Gioei? How long has it been since youst slept?
Huh?
I look up and find Amelia staring at me. We are all sitting in a park inside the academy, waiting for the next lesson toe along.
What?
Wait. [Read Pulse], Amelia frowns, your body feels like its going to fall apart at any moment! How long have you been up?
Unlike her usually loud voice, the Elf woman is now employing a softer tone.
I dont know, a couple of days, maybe? I say. Im really not entirely sure. My mind feels numb, at this point.
Amelia looks at me with a frown.
No. It has to be closer to six or seven. Maybe an entire week. Gioeius, you need to sleep. If you dont, you might fall sick
Its fine, I say trying to get up from the benches we are sitting on. Ill be fine. Ill just sleep tonight.
Oh, I dont think so, she says, not letting go of my wrist.
[Sleeping Touch], [Threefold Rest].
My world goes dark.
When I open my eyes again, I find Amelia watching over me. We are at my ce and Marcellus and another ElfSabina, is here. Outside is almost dark, meaning I slept at least eight solid hours.
Gioei? Can you hear me? Amelia asks, worriedly.
Yes? Woah, I feelrested. This is nice, I say, revelling in the feeling of finally having slept for a while.
Nice? You just slept the equivalent of twenty-four hours. We fed you some potions that Sabina kindly provided for us. I used a skill called [Threefold Rest]. Its supposed to give you three times as much restpared to how long you sleep. I thought you would be out for two or three hours at best. Its been almost eleven hours since you fell asleep. And my skill is not exactly three times. It works on only one person at a time, but its even stronger than its name suggests. You were supposed to sleep much, much less. The fact that you slept so long means that your body was on the verge of copse.
I look inside my head, finding that some of the enchantments I had used to keep myself functioning properly are now not working anymore. Because my body has finally had the rest it needed.
Ah.
Maybe I was going a bit too far, wasnt I?
Thanks, Amelia, I say with a smile. But did we miss the sses?
Yep, Marcellus says. But the others have took some notes and brought them here. Anneus went to a [Scribe] who made copies for all three of us.
Wait, what lessons were we supposed to attend today?
Advanced Cantrips I and Fundamentals of Enchanting, Sabina says from the side.
Oh, thats good, then, I sigh. I can probably help you all with those two. Im very good at Cantrips.
Everyone here is very good at Cantrips, Sabina deadpans, thats why we are in the academy. Advanced Cantrips means that there are Cantrips of old and harder versions we are supposed to practice. And we just missed the direct instructions because you copsed in the middle of the day. I gave you some tonics that would have worked on a person three times your size. Have you been drinking things or wearing enchantments to keep yourself awake?
I materialize five spinning, color-changing, football-sized [Lights].
If our teacher knows more than me about Cantrips, I will literally throw myself from the highest tower.
Everyone looks at the [Lights] with their mouth open.
Anyway, thank you all. Really. I needed some rest.
After some talks, Sabina and Amelia went back home. Amelia made me promise that I will take better care of my sleep, saying that shes going to check if I slept or not tomorrow morning during lessons.
AS Im chilling on the couch with Marcellus, talking about some possible bakingpositions, I hear a knock.
Huh.
Marcy, do me a favor, go upstairs, I say with a rxed smile. I suspect that some gentlemen Im doing business with might have finally brought the stuff I paid for. But its private.
Marcellus does as said after saying some weird noble-like stuff.
As soon as he disappears upstairs, I double check my wards and the amulet Im wearing under the robes. I look at the walls where I invisibly inscribed catalyzers for [Gamma-Knife]. If worsees to worst, I can cast the spell much faster than in any other ce. Ill exin the theory of it at another time.
I take onest look around and cast a [Silence] spell on the floor.
I open the door with a shield already on top of my fingers, ready to be casted, matrix halfpleted.
Let me in, a non-descript man with a short beard looks at me. Hes not an Elf and he has an irritated look on his face.
Fellow? I ask.
Did you justwhatever. Murray said that we a kid brought out all that money. They are a bunch of idiots. Let me in, Joey Luciani.
Holy shit.
I make way for the man whos rubbing his forehead with a hand and taking out a napkin with the other. Now, he dabs at his sweaty neck.
Do you have any idea how many people I had to pull from jobs? Do you have any idea the risk that you just created for my organization, you idiot?
What?
The man takes a seat on the couch, but then he eyes some of the foodying around and gets up to take some.
The Fellows risked attracting the wrong kind of attention without even knowing. But guess whos the idiot paying with Royally Marked coin? I mean, who could it ever be? A person backed by a legendary [Princess] that supposedly died centuries ago, so strong that it could flip Epretos with a flick of her fingers? Who could ever be some brazen to steal half the Royal Treasurys gold?
The man stops, panting, and chomps down on one of my pastries filled with a personal knock-off of Nute.
Oh, this is good. I wish it was poisoned, though.
What?
Poisoned, Joey Luciani
Why?
Why? Do you have any idea of how much work it was to cover your tracks? Your backstory barely checked out. And guess what, I had to call in my favors with the [Dean]. Oh, and expect to be called in his office very soon. He already knew your identity, by the way.
What?
Whats happening here?
Im sorry, who are you?
Chapter 210: Inside
Chapter 210: Inside
What happens when you be more powerful? Wait. Lets say, when you be rich. Thats probably a betterparison for people who cant wield magic, levels, or powers. What happens when you start getting ahead of others? What happens when the game you are ying starts getting easy? Maybe too easy? Maybe because you have kind of cheated a bit too much, right? What do you do then? Do you go back and try to do a run without cheating? But dont you know all the secrets already? Wheres the pleasure of discovery, of getting more powerful, of bing something, someone else, step by step?
Ill never understand people who read guides when they y games. I mean, if you are stuck, buddy, go ahead. But why do you y somethingor why do you go to school if its just to cheat? I mean, I am assuming that school is actually useful, which might not be the case; but the point stands, doesnt it? What happens to your brain when you y a game, and its too easy? What happens, then, when you try to go back to how you should have yed it, huh?
Yeah.
rity of mind does me good, doesnt it?
So, the question here shall be:
Am I ying a game in this academy where I have already cheated? Am I doing something wrong? Am I wrong? Is Lucinda right about not wanting anything to do with me anymore?
What?
Oh, right. You didnt know about that, did you?
Well.
Stuff happens.
She thinks Im going mental. Lord Juler and Princess Vrith, instead, just didntment much. They are already mental, it seems. But Lucinda said something about me wanting to hurt myself, to give myself and others, apparently the illusion that everything is going well. Meh, Lucinda. I know that stuff is not ideal at the moment. But what else am I supposed to do? Should I have epted Lord Julers proposal to live on another continent? Why? Or should I have be Vriths student just to learn more magic? Why?
Why cant I just stay here, enjoy the people Im meeting, and have fun?
Because you are lying to everyone, including yourself.
That was Lucindas response. She told me to go back to her if I were to regain my sanity.
She might be right; I find myself thinking at times. Hell, she might be very right. But whats the alternative to this? Close myself off in a tower until I be powerful enough? Oh, but that is not absolutely mental, is it?
Whatever.
My head is not really in the best of ces, is it? I think that I have not slept for more than a week or so. But do you know what knowing that you are sick does to improve your life? Nothing if you dont act on it. And act I did not, sadly. It took Amelia to shake things up.
Spiraling. And spiraling. And spiraling.
Thats what happens, I guess. Thats what happens when you spend too much time acting chill, then jumping into magic and adventures, and then jumping back into being someone chill. But with another identity. I mean, Im not even that chill now. Im dealing with the underworld and whatnot. Cant define that as chill, can I? But Im also a student, and students are mostly clueless. Maybe the two things negate each other? Mm.
Anyway, do you know what really, pardon my French, fucked with me?
Stan.
I dont understand what went down there.
I mean, Laura? Yeah. That sucked. But she is a psycho, and I did not get too invested or had too many dreams about that, alright?
But Stan?
What the hell happened? Why was he holding back? Why couldnt he just save my sorry ass?
I helped the man, for Christs sake. I dont like thinking in terms of debt, but for all thats good in this damned world, didnt I deserve something more? Didnt I deserve someone by my side? Why, then, has no one stepped up beside Vrith?
One thing thats really messing with my head is a simple thought that maybe, I cant help but make the same mistakes over and over. Thats one of the thoughts that has kept me up at nightwait. Not literally, obviously. Ive been trying not to think about it by keeping myself busy. But I kept myself so busy with useless stuff that I might have as well killed myself, huh.
And we go round and round with thoughts. But what about the mistakes? Will the next girl I fall in love with be another mistake? And sure, Im smart enough to know that mistakes can be made. But does that knowledge do me any good at this point? Wouldnt it be better just to be a tad more ignorant?
I think I might have told you this already. But do you know that some athletes cannot replicate someplex movements if they start actively thinking about them too much? Its a fascinating phenomenon. Sometimes, our bodies just fall into perfect motion if we are talented enough, have good gics, are in the right environment, and so on. But if we try too hard and overthink boom, the magic is gone.
But how do you just learn to go with the flow when the flow goes down the Niagara-fucking-Falls, huh? What happens if you think your flow is self-destructive, wrong, spiraling, hell, maybe even evil? What? You dont think I might be evil. Well, it depends on the points of view, I guess. From mine, I could have killed a thousand more idiots who were trying to get my hide during those duels and still not feel that bad about it. Is that good? You tell me, pal. Why shouldnt I think that this is all messed up, that I am not messed up?
What if theres a clock ticking, and when the clock reaches midnight, Im not human anymore. Maybe, Ill get one of those cursed sses that Stan and Lord Juler mentioned once. They mentioned them separately. Obviously. The two have never spoken to each other.
But this stuff really gets to me.
What if Im the viin?
Do you ever ask yourself that question?
Do you ever stop for a moment and think, maybe I am a piece of shit?
My father may he rest in peace once told me something like that. He had just gotten super angry about some shit I had done, and then while screaming almost foaming, Christ he switched to another persona. He suddenly became calm and told me something Ill never forget.
He said: Joey, do you have any idea how many times I have wonder if Im wrong? Do you have any idea how many times I wonder if Im a monster?
And so, I have to ask myself the same cursed questions now.
Am I wrong?
Am I the monster of this story?
Dont we all inherit the sins of our fathers in some way?
The fact that I went up and learned some killer magic, some goddamn radiation stuff, makes you wonder if maybe I just went a bit crazy. Maybe this is a dark story. Maybe Im a dark knight, like Batman. But instead, I turn into Joker. Bleah. No, not Joker. Two-faced, maybe. Less cringe.
And one may think, well, why are you wasting all this time thinking about it, then?
I dont know.
Speaking to myself like this makes me feel still Human. It lets me know that at least I have notpletely degenerated because of this world.
Fuck.
Now, Im thinking about Lucinda again.
Ill say something hypocritical; brace yourself.
Why does she think she should have great power? What in her head makes it so that she thinks, I should have a power so great I could st off half a city? How does that work? And sure, maybe its more like Oh, I could heal half a city. Or whatever. Why dont we just spend more time sleeping and resting? Why do we have to do this insane shit? Why did I have to create [Gamma-Knife]?
Ill tell you what, the only reason Im still sane is because of Antoninuss mother. The fact that I cured her with that weapon of destruction. But what if one day I have to deal with some other stupid fucking duels, or maybe the Vanedeni war, and Ill think, you know what, lets try and make Archimedess lens work and fry all their enemies.
What happens then? What happens when you develop a fucking weapon of mass destruction just because? What happens when you are living a story just because, when you are doing something just because?
Have you ever read a book and just thought, man, maybe this thing could have been eight hundred pages shorter? But we Humans stop thinking at some point. We lean into the motion, into the movements. Into the narrative. And if we are winning, its good. If we are losing, its bad. If we are doing good and better, its good. If we are doing bad and worse, its bad.
Its that simple.
But now, assuming Ive not done the best so far, what happens next? Will it just snowball? Will it just go lower and lower? What if something is working out for you, given that you are the main character, but is hurting everyone else? How does that work now? Do you stop? Do you buy a ck cape and practice your cacklingughter in front of a mirror?
I look at my schedule for the day. Its still very early. Its around 6.30 in the morning. Not that early, youd think. Well, it is when there are 27 hours. Id say that 6.30 here is like 5 AM on Earth.
Advanced Cantrips I and Fundamentals of Magic Theory today. Cool. I missed the first lesson of Advanced Cantrips I, even though I was mightily curious to see it.
I look around the house, trying to ground myself. I think I spent thest hour brooding over my life and my choices; and thats good. Some soul-searching cant be wrong. Unless its a [Necromancer] doing it, I guess. But the point is that shit happens. Im not at my best, but there are other people here going through a lot of shit.
Im not the only person in the world suffering.
I look at the files and start putting them away in my bag of holding before Marcellus wakes up. Theres also the matter of the secret sses that I have yet to check out. Meh. Ill do thatter. I finish putting away all the stuff, grab a cup of hot coffee, and Im tempted to doze off a little.
But then, looking inside the coffee cup, I feel bad for the two people I left behind. Ok, maybe three. Domiti as well. But Domiti got my farewell and my proposal. She just wants a normal life: and respect for that, girl. But no. There are two people I left behind that I kind of miss. Not too much, obviously. But in a way, a bit. Just enough not to cross into the realm of gay thats it.
I take a piece of paper and start writing:
To Quintus and Tiberius,
One, stop shouting at each other.
Two, Im almost out of coffee, leave some in my room. Ill magically move it to my new ce. Im learning some space magic. Dont let anyone stay in the room. I might kill someone if they are in there while I try to do it.
Three, I just remembered a few recipes that might be interesting to reproduce. Especially if you have not caught the gay for each other yet. Where my parentse from, theres this day entirely dedicated to women yeah, I know, arent all days dedicated to women? If youughed, you failed the sexist test, Im afraid. You are both canceled now. But whatever. Theres this holiday that actually exists in the whole world the point is that where theye from, they give these fluffy yellow flowers to women. The flower is called Mimosa, singr, or Mimose, plural. Where Ie from, thats a drink. However, where my parentse from, its a cake. So, Ill exin how to make a Mimosa cake; listen up
It takes me three pages of a detailed exnation to carefully arrange the recipe. Its more about what they must not do than the other way around. The cake is very delicate and fluffy, and Im trying to prevent every possible error they might make while baking.
When I finish writing, I just stare at the pages. Then, I add a little note at the end.
Four, I miss you guys. Please, behave. And tell the others I said hi.
Chapter 211: People
Chapter 211: People
Do you ever think about what went through the mind of that British madman who wrote about a ring and a bunch of clearly sexually confused Elves? What is up with that? Like, man, listen, I respect your craft, but you are telling me that you took these centuries-old stereotypesheck, probably millennia old - and they are no more than stinky little monsters that bite your toes when you spill your afternoon tea or something like that - and you make that into this immortal refined, posh, and wigless version of Britishwyers? Ridiculous. Also, they speak anguage only the worst of the worst and their kin can understand. How do youe up with that?
Why am I telling you this?
I dont know. Im looking at Sabina, the woman that gave me potions, through the window. Hell, she swears like a sailor after dropping an expensive ingredient on the ground. Or a bottle of liquor. Alchemy is not in my chords. But why did we represent Elves as the mean, gay friends of the top-dog cheerleader in high school? Whats up with that? Like, mh, yeah, I might help you, but I dont know, maybe Ill just be a soulless monster ruminating about how people wear rags, and I wear these fantastic outfits.
Do you think theres a specific reason people would want to stay around toxic waste all the time? Like, is there a particr benefit in being an [Alchemist]? Do they produce make-up?
Make-up? Cough, cough! Marcellus almost chokes on the cigar that I gave him.
I gently bite on mine before taking a puff and almost choking on it myself. If another person tells me not to inhale, Ill bash their heads in using Marcellus as a bat, I swear.
Right, we should have started from there.
So, this ce sells cigars? I ask Marcellus while looking at a dodgy ce called The Secret Leaf.
The best ones in the city! And they are expensive! Marcellus nods wisely. Surely, that shant be a problem for arge friend of mine such as yourself!
Large? Does he mean rich? Can you use the termrge for someone rich? I take a better look at the Elf kid and deduct that neither of us knows, actually.
Lets go, Sir Bedevere.
What?
Nothing, lets go, I sigh.
I enter the ce and almost faint on the spot. Theres such a fragrance in the environment that even a long-time cigar lover would find it a bit overwhelming. Plus, not all that Im smelling feels legal.
I sniff multiple times while I approach an unmanned counter.
Hell, someone has smoked the Devils grass recently.
What?
No, I dont smoke. I have done it a couple of times, but its not how I roll. Probably because Im not paying tuition to attend Gender Studies at Columbia I guess thats how they select who can smoke weed.
Kind sir! Marcellus all but shrieks in my goddamn ear.
Jesus Christ, I look at the guy, wincing.
Oh, is that the name of the owner?
What? I ask.
Jesus Christ, is that what the owner likes to be called? Marcellus asks while batting his eyes innocently.
Nah, Jesus is a friend of mine, Marcy. I just call upon his name when I feel upset. Its an inside joke. Dont mind me.
Marcellus nods wisely, frowning a little.
It does sound quite apt as a name, the kid says.
For what?
Swearing.
Man, I wish my mother could hear that.
A slick Elfes out from the back with a thin cigarette in his mouth and smoke tumbling and pirouetting around his massive mustache. The man looks like some Broadway version of Pinhios Mangiafuoco. But without a beard. Just mustache.
You are new, the Elf says with a smile. Never smoked?
Not frequently. But I recently tried a cigar from a friend, and I wanted to get more into it.
I mean, if I can actually cure cancer, why not?
Oh, and who might this friend be?
Breakstone?
Suddenly, the Elf frowns and changes his attitude.
That bastard has still an open, unpaid tab, and he goes sharing his
I mean, I barely know the guy, I raise my hands defensively, I didnt even know he shopped here.
What gentleman lets others call him Breakstone? Marcellus mutters under his breath.
So, you are not one of his acquaintances, the owner of The Secret Leaf looks at me from head to toe, trying to get an image of me in the regr clothes the illusion was showing.
Me? Nope. Im just here to buy cigars. With good coin, buddy.
How good? suddenly, the Elf seems more interested and amicable.
Ill take the best you have for the two of us, I say, putting a hand over Marcelluss shoulder.
Oh, you want the strong ones?
What? No! I meant quality-wise. Give me normal cigars. No weird effects. Just stuff that has good taste? Or that gets a good taste over time?
Mh, the man seems disappointed, but he still fishes for a wooden box with a weird rune.
Is that a preservation enchantment? I ask while hes looking at the wooden box with a contemtive stare.
This? This is a freshness enchantment. The box stays closed until someone is willing to buy enough cigars at once. There are fifteen in here. But they are expensive. Three silvers each.
Freshness?
I have never heard of such a thing.
A normal preservation rune does not ount for taste or fragrance. It only prevents the food from actually going bad. If you want any fresh products, even alchemical ones, to keep their full potency, you have to keep them fresh. The boxs enchantment starts failing once you open it. But it will still help to keep the cigars fresh and fragrant for a longer time. If possible, try not to leave the wooden box open. And if you tinker with alchemy or strong smells, put it away. Not in a bag of holding, though. But thats only if you buy an entire box. How many cigars would you like? Since you are the first customer, we can go down to two silvers and four coppers each.
Talking about alchemy made me think about Sabina, the girl I know very little about. Robins report didnt have anything on her yet. I have updated the list of names of interest. And yeah, I bought the entire box. Obviously. As Marcellus says, Im . I might as well treat myself.
Looking at the guy choking on his cigar, I realize I forgot how old he is.
Yo, Marcy, how old are you again?
I have it in his file, but God forbid I get a skill that helps my memory.
Seventeen, why? he coughs out.
I look at the cigar I had put in the hands of a minor and wonder if I should take it back. As if he understood something, he moves the tobo thick-stick closer to his body.
My age shant be a concern!
I take another puff from the cigar, trying hard not to cough, and keep the smoke in my mouth for a second. This stuff honestly tastes nice. Ive tried some cigars on Earth, and they were the most God-awful things you could ever put close to your mouth. But this one has a lovely tobo-almondy vor.
Whatever. Lets pick up Sabina before we go to the lesson. I have to thank her for what she did. Its good that you remembered where she lives.
Marcellus nods wisely with his eyes closed, clearly making a great effort not to cough again.
I knock on the door, and a surprised Sabina stares at us.
What are you doing here? she has a focused expression. She shifts her gaze from my eyes to my cigar with a disgusted face.
Hi! I wanted to thank you again for the potions, I say with a smile. Id also like to pay you back.
Me? Aurelia gave me the potions. Take it up with her. I just did a run for you, and I dont need anything.
She closes the door in our faces with a m.
Should we Marcellus points away from the door.
I raise a hand, shaking my head. Then, I knock again.
After several seconds, she opens again.
I thought we could all walk together to ss? You skipped the first lesson of Advanced Cantrips I, right? Why dont we chat about that on the way; maybe I can give you a few pointers?
I have shown what Im capable of, so this should work perfectly
She closes the door again. From behind it, I can hear: Mind your own business! Ill see you in ss!
I look at Marcellus, whos still pointing away from the door, and shrug.
Ok, I say as I take another puff from the cigar. But as Im turning my back, she suddenly opens the door.
And why would you teach me anything? Arent you just a spoiled, rich child? What do you even know about magic? Do you think a simple trick of [Lights] makes you an expert?
I turn to face her and find an intense re prating my head. She has purplish eyes with green splinters, like emeralds on a purple evening gown crafted by a great [Seamstress]. Her hair, instead, is yellow. Not blonde. Not gray. Not golden. Yellow. A bit suffused, but pure yellow.
Weird-ass colors in this world, am I right?
Im tempted to teach this woman a lesson, but the stuff I read on the files makes me reconsider. I shoot a nce at Marcellus and then think about the others. Life is never that easy, is it?
Im sorry, I say. I am proficient, but maybe I shouldnt have bothered you here? I dont really know what Im apologizing for. But, especially with women, its always a good starting point. Because then, they start
I lost an entire damn day because I thought you fainted and you were going to die! Hell, Amelia scared us to death before exining what she had done! And she did that right before you woke up! How is that fair?! So much time wasted! I could have studied! I need to study, Gioeius! I need it! And you are supposed to be the leader of our group? What kind of a leader can barely take care of himself?! Youl house looks haunted.
Wow.
Talk.
They start talking. Thats what women do when you are silent long enough. Or when you ask the right questions. But thats beside the point.
Im the most proficient [Mage] in a
I take a deep breath.
Then another.
Then I try to see if she has anything else to add.
All of you she bites her lip so strongly I fear she might bleed. All of youAH! Adrastus looks like the only one with some seed in him!
I snort.
Do you find me failing out of this rotten expensive school funny?!
Hell, woman. What do you mean with a bit of seed in him? What? Am I expected not tough at that? What am I, an adult?
No, Im sorry. Its just that the expression you used can be misconstrued in my culture. I think you are right. Its better if we focus on our studies from now on. And I promise Ill help as much as I can. When you go beyond the first impression of me, I can actually cast pretty good magic. My theory is not up to standard, but the rest is quite good, that I can guarantee.
Sabina looks at me with narrowed eyes. See, kids, the trick is to avoid giving more bones to pick to a person looking for conflict. Sure, if they are unreasonable enough, they will always have something toin about. But as a general rule, no one wants just to create problems indefinitely. As a general rule. Sadly, there are many exceptions.
Im going to grab some of the things I got for Aurelia, and we can go to ss, Sabina says, mming the door behind her.
I take a slow puff from my cigar, happy that I started smoking this stuff. Too many women around to deal with without a good Elven Cuban.
Chapter 212: [Dean]
Chapter 212: [Dean]
A questiones out of Zahras notes. Why am I not the one teaching this ss? Im thoroughly ignoring the lessons on Advanced Cantrips I. Im sorry, but they are just asking the students to rehash the first 23 Cantrips with more stringent rules. Yeah, and guess who has done that already. By mistake, yes. But still. I could probably teach this ss myself. Hell, I could probably teach whoever wrote the manual on this stuff.
Should I introduce new Cantrips to my study group
I activate [Single-Minded Focus] to take my mind off the questions that can be postponed.
Ok, lets actually re-read the question that shall be the foundation of another group essay. This one is from Fundamentals of Magical Theory. Its not really an essay. Its more like a bunch of questions packed together that we have to answer cohesively, using arguments from each question towhatever. Its homework, you know.
The question that caught my eye while the professor drones about visualizing God knows whathell, hes distracting me with his stupid stuff. Really distracting me. Even with the skill on!
And so, if you want to perfect your mastery over the Cantrips, redundant repetition is your best bet. Our esteemed predecessors and many [Archmages] can boast about having repeated the first Cantrip thousands of times. One of the [Archmages] of old said that he used to practice it in every waking moment he was not busy with something else.
What the hell is this person saying?
I raise a hand. Im sorry, its stronger than me.
He looks at me and gestures to put the hand down.
Questions will be taken at the end.
Yo! I say, scandalized. Professor, I believe you are wrong. No disrespect.
Excuse me? the somewhat short Elf with a pudgy constitution says.
Now, the whole ss is rustling in their seats to look at me. Yeah, low profile. Thats how we like it.
How is it possible that sheer repetition will make something better?
Whats your name? the professor says while picking up what looks like a note to send me to the [Dean] or something.
Argh.
I cant cause huge problems, for Gods sake.
Whatever, never mind. Go ahead.
Some people start giggling, and I believe the professor is already saying something else to me, but Ive stopped listening. Im back to looking more depressed, this time at the question that had piqued my interest before. Its just one of the many inputs that we are supposed to discuss in the essay, but it is something Ive rarely stopped contemting.
What is a spell matrix?
Hell, Lord Juler should have put those questions in the book instead of those weird things at the end.
And do you know why? Because now I feel my mind expanding, I can feel myself almost floating on a veritable ocean of knowledge and
STUDENT!
I look up and find the pudgy Elf staring at me, no more than a foot from my face. The fact that this ipetent idiot is teaching stuff that is incredibly wrong irks me.
What?
I said that you are to leave the ss now!
I snort.
Just because I questioned what you are teaching? Isnt that what a student is supposed to do challenge the teacher? Get a better synthesis between the two figures instead of a monologue by an idiot that barely knows what hes talking about?
Holy shit.
I said that out loud.
How dare you
I get up from the first line of seats where my ass was resting, under the stupefied gaze of all my group they are probably scared shitless by the possibility of being expelled.
You areing with me to the [Dean], I say to the [Professor]. Come.
I start walking toward the exit, hoping that he will follow because I have no idea where the [Dean]s office is located.
Ariostus, [Dean] and [Grand Magus] at the Nine Towers Academy, looks straight at me while the pudgy professor is shouting with a red face.
In all the years of my esteemed career, I have never had to face an insult so great that
I shrug at the [Dean]. Like, its not my fault that this guy is insane.
[Professor], I need a minute with your student, Ariostus says without even looking at the guy. Thankfully, given the smug smile on his face, he probably thinks that Ill get whipped or expelled. Instead, I just think that we, the [Dean] and I, will have a conversation about my secret identity.
As the petty Elf walks away, Ariostus starts moving his hands around.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I see several looping wards activate. They are mostly anti-scrying and general measures to prevent spying. One wall, in particr, has aplex overarching spell matrix. A ward is not necessarily an enchantment. It can stay in the air if you prepare the locus for it well enough. But this one is aplex spell ward built on top of an enchantment.
Heritage from greater times, the [Dean] sighs as I keep looking at the wall. You have a good eye.
Robin told me that you know me, I say, still staring at the wall. Theres some real expertise in there, and I have no idea what Im looking at. This is the stuff that Lord Juler has not taught me yet.
I suspect a couple [Archmages] might be onto you as well, Luciani, Ariostus says. And I told Robin because Id rather hold peaceful talks with you. But I wasnt expecting to meet you like this.
Best cover you could wish for, I say, angling my head to better catch a movingponent of the spell matrix on the wall.
Decent, Ariostus acknowledges. But there is the matter of your presence here. I cant allow you to run rampant among students and create problems, Joey Luciani. I support the free development of magic, thinking liberally. But if your presence here poses a threat
Our professor is a threat to this academy, I deactivate my skill and turn around, miffed. I dont like the treatment Im getting here. [Dean], can I tell you something, like, in confidence? I have some thoughts I have not shared with anyone else yet. Hell, Im afraid of thinking about them sometimes. What do you say? Are you interested?
The man crinkles his nose and shrugs.
Sure.
Ok. If I wanted to create problems, Id be bunkering up in Amorium, creating civil unrest because of the people going after me. I broke norule. Your people did. And even if Im not strong enough to be a real threat yet I know a spellcaster so powerful that she could overthrow this nation with a snap of her fingers. Shoot, maybe even her freak of a disciple could do the trick. They could go to Kome tomorrow and turn the war around just like that. I bet theres a lot of political unrest because of that, isnt there? How many nations are shitting their pants?
The man observes me with sharpness in his eyes. There was some kindness before, but now theres only analytical acuity behind his pupils Im talking of matters that could influence the world. Vrith is worse than a North Korean dictator with more nukes than the entire USA.
So, if I wanted to create problems, Id be either in Amorium or learning stuff from the Vanedenis. Then, I could create real problems. But guess what, I just wanted to enjoy some chill time. I want to study magic. Magic is cool. I am good at magic. Better than Vanedeni-good at magic. Did you know that? Im so goddamn good that I am going crazy about it. I dont even know what to do with all of this, I point at myself. But Im still here, trying to learn, trying to make the best decisions possible, and even creating a fake persona to avoid ruffling any political feathers. If I wanted to be a threat, one day I could create chaos like you have never seen in your lifetime, [Dean]. But Im here to learn. And you are here to teach. One thing I considered is going down the wrong road. I considered going back to Amorium, trying to see who would follow me, whos on my side, and putting people in front of a choice. I lifted up more than half of the homeless poption from abject poverty. Who do you think those people would believe, the idiots doing all the politics in this country or me? But Im here. Im here to learn. And your professors are ipetent idiots. Some of them are politicized ipetent idiots. So, what about that?
The [Dean] looks intensely at me before nodding.
I like you.
What?
What?
I like you, Joey Luciani.
Im sorry, I dont swing that way
The [Dean] waves a hand dismissively.
You know what Im saying. I like your attitude toward magic. Im a [Dean] because I want to guide new generations. I have ties, and there are political implications to what we do here, but I was a [Researcher of Magic] once, and Im still one at heart.
The man gets up from his leathery chair and looks at the books on the shelf behind his desk. There are many, and theye in all sizes. Some cant be bigger than a palm, some look as thick as my head.
I gathered knowledge; I spread the things that some of my predecessors tried hoarding. Im against that t-eared idiocy of secret sses. If it were up to me, everything would be open to all, Luciani. And I dont really care for Humans. I care for magic.
He takes a book from the shelf and looks at it with a regretful frown. Then, he shows it to me.
Milziuss Anthology of Magic. Here, he suggests that once there were many more Cantrips. That the ones we are practicing now are no more than a beginners test. I used the skills from my [Researcher] ss to dig deeper, but I could never find enough information on the topic. He also assumes that people used to be much better at Cantrips than now. Somehow, spell matrixes were more essible.
Or they could simply see the spell matrixes. Thats something I realized. The book gifted me with a skill before I could learn anything. If I hadnt been able to see the spell matrixes, I would be grasping at thingspletely in the dark.
I bite my lip, tempted to reveal this crucial information about [Advanced Mana Sense]. But maybe theres something else I can say without giving out specific knowledge.
There are 23 sets of 23 Cantrips, I found myself saying with a sigh. They are 22 sets, actually. Thest set is theoretical in nature. I believe that the first 22 were made to divide [Mages] into different talent sses. The fact that you only practice the first 23 means that your actual talent level cant be assessed above 1. More advanced Cantrips are fundamental to the study of higher magic. Practicing a Tier 3 spell without the first five sets of Cantrips is the stupidest thing I could think of. Being able to practice all Cantrips means that even Tier 4 spells could be easily learned in no more than a week or two. I believe that the current speed for anyone below the [Archmage] or the [Grand Magus] level should be anywhere between two weeks to three months, based on howplex the spell is and how many spells with an affinity someone knows.
Chapter 213: [Impostor]
Chapter 213: [Impostor]
Let me see if I understand, the [Dean] says.
I told you that some [Archmages] might be on your tracksobviously, they are too scared to do anything more than look from afar. You create a diversion in your ss, an effective one, albeit rough. Then, youe to confront me, the [Dean]. An Elf. After which, you mount a threat of potential terrorism that would make even a Vanedeni blush.
The [Dean] pauses to open the second drawer from the top, taking out a bottle of greenish liquid.
Is that poison? I ask.
I wish, the man says while pouring himself a full ss and sipping it with a relieved face. Let me continue now.
The man takes another sip and stares straight at me.
You said you have a huge talent. You admit to being not just coached by one of the most famous spellcasters of thest five, six-hundred years? I dont know the Vanedeni history that well. But you, you also say in front of me that if you fly off the handle, you will destroy an entire country?
What?
Im extrapting what you said. Feel free to correct me, though. Would you not destroy whatever was in front of you here in Lucerna if you lost it?
I dont know? I dont think so?
Good. Terrific magical talent and indecisive mortal threats, thats a good pairing.
Listen, I dont want to destroy this kingdom.
Oh, how very kind, the [Dean] takes another sip, sighing.
Then, after you postte a possible civil war in my country on a whim, you tell me you are here just to study. To chill. Whatever refrigeration has to do with how you Humans speak.
Luciani, the [Dean] says with a frown, I have enough magic in here to restrain you. Im positive I could have a good shot at killing you, right here, right now. Im not sure Id be quick enough to avoid your Vanedeni friendsing and killing me before I managed to, but I could try. Sure, I would die immediately. But Im worried that you might be a threat too big to ignore. So, lets continue this conversation and see where it goes. Id like to understand your mind before doing anything drastic.
I dont really care about the threat. What worries me is that I dont care about the threat. I care about not caring. Does that make sense? Why am I so calm? Why am I almost relieved? Am I happy that someone will basically crash-test my internal motives and off me if they find something wrong?
After a second, I notice the [Dean]s gaze lost in the void, and I wave a hand in front of him. Whats up with this guy? I mean, I totally get the fact that Im basically the Elven equivalent of the ISIS here, but why is this dude drinking and spacing out at such an important juncture?
For the Tree of Life, has anyone told you that speaking with you can be very tiring?
My mother, I nod.
A wise woman, Ariostus says. But back to what we were saying.
Well, that about answers it. I get that having this conversation in daylight is a bit too much. Im a big fan of doing bad deeds at night. Much better on the symbolic side, you know? But it is also true that a viin dressed in all white might be as suggestive, if not more, than one dressed in all ck.
Im sorry, I realize I just lost the thread, can you repeat what you just said?
I asked if you have anything to say about you going down the wrong road, as you put it.
Huh, I look at Ariostus, noticing the wrinkles around his eyes. Once again, looking at mortal Elves is weird. I havent gone down that road yet. Isnt that enough? Can you kill a person just because they might be evil?
Are you? Are you evil? the [Dean] frowns. And why would you use the word evil? I dont think the Humans who wanted to ughter the Elves ever called themselves that.
Neither did the Elves who wanted to ughter Humans, I give him my signature wink.
But I dont knowwhy not? How do you call someone who cant exactly do good?
Joey Luciani, the [Dean] puts the ss of greenish liquid on the side, far from his hands. As the man who runs this ce, Im in charge of the students. And I have to make sure they get the best education and that they can survive in the real world out there. I have skills that give me details on my students.
What? Am I so crazy that my skills are telling you that?
The [Dean] hunches back on his chair, massaging a tense shoulder. He puts a finger to his head and speaks out a skill: [Memory: Speech].
I considered going back to Amorium, trying to see who would follow me, whos on my side, and putting people in front of a choice. I lifted more than half of the homeless poption from abject poverty. Who do you think those people would believe, the idiots doing all the politics in this country or me?
He recites the words I spoke a few minutes ago without fault.
Luciani, you are afraid that those people wouldnt follow you. You are asking me that question as much as you are asking yourself. Now, this is turning out to be quite different from the conversation I had imagined Id have with you. And we still have to discuss the preposterous notion you advanced on Cantrips. But I cant help but ask whatI dont know how to put this.
Are you ok? the man asks.
I look at him and take a deep breath.
I dont think so? I try a smile, but not muches out of it. I really considered going back to Amorium and see if I still have friends there. But when I did, I mostly just destroyed the Watch building to send a message about the girl who had been my disciple before the duels here at the academy.
Son, the [Dean] suddenly turns apologetic, I am not the right person you should be telling these things to. On paper, I am on the other side after all.
You asked me to talk; Im talking.
How old are you exactly? the man asks.
Twenty-three, give or take. Maybe twenty-four now. I havent really been counting, to be honest.
I know this is prying, but where are your people? How did you end up in Amorium? How did you end up here? Because, from what Im seeing, the best solution for both of us would be if you went back to your family, Luciani.
Many things can hurt a person. des. Radiation. Inhaling too many fries over the course of a lifetime. But loneliness is definitely one of the worst, one of the few things that most people would probably kill without a second thought. Only liars and pathological people say its nice to be alone or those who have not yet found the right people to be with.
Cant.
You cant go back to your family? I mean, you have the Vanedenis at your sidewait. Are you indentured to servitude or something like that?
Nope. My parents are dead.
Ariostus looks at me with a genuinely sad expression. I just shrug. Theres not much else I can do at this point. I came to another world, full of magic and adventures. I became strong. I became rich. I already excelled in so many things that they would make a normal persons life more than worth living.
But Im mostly alone.
Were you raised by the Vanedenis, then? That would exin the unspeakable talent of yours.
Nope, chief, I force a smile. Im justtired. I came here by chance. I have nowhere, literally nowhere, to return. The people in this nation hate me. The bonds I have built back in Amorium are also gone after this manhunt. Funny, huh, man-hunt. Now it makes more sense. But anyway, thats that. Im here, alone. I dont mind the Vanedenis, and Ive thought about going on mad adventures. But right now? Right now, I need some stability in my life.
And you thought that hiding in in sight, dealing with one of the most dangerous groups of the underworld, and creating a huge mess in ss today would give you that? And you magically managed to affiliate yourself with some of the most unstable students you could possibly find. Robin gave me a copy of their files, just so you know. Joey Luciani
What? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be?
Son, listen, the [Dean] looks in my eyes, appearing much older now, belonging to a different generationthe generation of my parents. Ill tell you something because you are one of my students, ok? But I need you to listen. There are records of red sses, the cursed ones. And one of them is [Impostor]. You are, in my opinion, dangerously close to it. Or maybe even worse. No one really knows why cursed sses exist or how they work exactly. But it doesnt surprise me that the Vanedenis didnt consider that. They probably dont have much experience with it, being the madmen they are.
What? [Impostor]?
[Impostor]. Its one of the few known cursed sses. And you are heading right into it. You are not an [Infiltrator] or a [Spy], Joey Luciani, which is what I feared. I was afraid that this woulde to blows. But instead, you arelost? Yes. Lets say lost and faking that things are ok. We need to take measures for that.
What kind of measures?
First, drop the whole act. You need to be Joey Luciani. Not Gioeius. Im not an expert on cursed sses, but thats the first step for sure.
[Impostor]? Why would I get such a ss? I cant help but feel a certain mistrust toward this person, an [Elf]. Just another figure who wants to help until a Dragon threatens me, and I need te on, lets not be children. If what hes saying is true, then Im in danger. But it could also be that he simply wants me away from this ce.
We can plead your case with a great council, supported by [Archmages], Joey. You could willingly trade some of your magical expertise to make up for the mess. The political weight of that would mean that no one inside the Nine Towers Academy would be able to touch you. And the [Archmages] names would protect you from the nobles.
Is this person suggesting
Im suggesting we unveil your presence to the world while inside the academy. We gather the [Archmages] and maybe use your Vanedeni connections as a guarantee. Who in their right state of mind will attack you? Why should they even think of such a resolution? It would mean countless deaths before they can stop Vrith. She wields magic of old, and shes a genuine [Hero] if the records are to be trusted. No one messes with Vanedenis like her. And Ill bet that the Ahalis are trembling on Kome right now, fearing that she wille to y them all. Im very curious about why shes not there yet, but thats for another time. If you agree, Ill gift you a [Professor] ss. Youll plead for the support of [Archmages], and you can live in the academy with your own identity.
I scratch my nose.
What about my study group?
Would you rather keep lying to these people? Keep faking being their friend? Most of them are younger than you. And [Professors] here can still attend lessons. They would only benefit from being your friends.
Man, I scratch my head with a relievedugh. Would you believe me if I told you that I was going to help them in disguise, then reveal myself in a crucial juncture, and see if they would follow me or not?
Iugh again, but a soft tear rolls down from the corner of my eye.
I really need to get a fucking grip on reality.
Chapter 214:
Chapter 214:
I simply wrote down the second set of Cantrips. They are useful, but nothing insane like the ones after the tenth set. Those are game changers. They will make you a better spellcaster once you have mastered them.
Bianca is on myp, snuggling against my hand, while I look over some legal documents that the [Dean] had quickly drafted for this political maneuver. The man is nice. I cant say much more. He certainly has a great interest in having me in the academy, and while this could all be a political ploy, theres nothing more reasonable to do than this.
This is not Gossip Girl.
This is not some stupid fiction.
This is real life.
And real life has consequences. Apparently, the consequences of being a deranged idiot here are even harsher than you would imagine.
Cursed sses? They have driven many mad in search of power. Others, instead, have simply taken them up by mistake or chance. And they, too, have been driven mad. Sometimes, the truly desperate need power to protect the people they love or maybe their selfish interests. Your [Dean] made a fair proposal, Joey Luciani. Princess Vrith and I will guarantee your safety if you were to ept. In the end, I owe you my freedom. And you are my disciple.
Thats what Lord Juler said.
Man, Ive been living like an idiot, havent I?
What would Selena Gomez say to me if she was here now, huh? How would I justify myself to her?
What happens when you put yourself in front of a superior authority like Selena Gomezs thighs? Thats a fascinating mental exercise for your ethics and morality. Would you be worthy of those thighs if you behaved in one way? Or would you not be worthy if you behaved in another way? How much juiciness do you deserve if you act like a madman?
I have this plunging feeling in my stomach, this impression that Ive been kind of blind. This entire idea was pure idiocy. Why did I not think about what the [Dean] said? Why did I have to behave like an idiot, to reject Lucinda when she said I was crazy for doing what I was going to do? Shoot, now I can plead for her too, cant I? She got involved in this tangled mess because of me.
I put down a protesting Bianca and take out a teleporting artifact from my bag of holding.
Lucinda looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
You are going to what?
No? Isnt it a good idea? Even Lord Juler said its good!
So, you will walk among those who tried to kill you, those crazy [Archmages] who cant wait to poison and kill each other, and who enve their disciples? Is that the solution to your problems? First you fake being one of them, then you go and be one of them for real?
Lucy, the [Impostor] thing, though. Isnt that a danger?
I look at the woman, who hesitates for a second before prating my heart with her bright green eyes. I cant decipher her expressionnever could. But its not boding well.
Joey, Ill tell you what. You are a kind man. You are an incredible [Mage]. You are you. You dont need the academy. You dont need the Vanedenis, you t-eared idiot. You have been pretending all this time, right? You were pretending to be a [Baker]. You were pretending to be a student. Whats next? Are you going to pretend to be a [Professor] among those snakes? Is that your master n? You came this close to bing the husband of a deranged princess and possibly a puppet of the royalty. Hasnt that taught you anything?
I look at the woman, incredibly hurt by the fact that she wouldnt understand.
Listen, people need social interactions. Im not going to shut myself off like you did and
Oh, who said you would need to do that? You have enough gold to do whatever you want. And you are looking for the approval of a bunch of rotten degenerates!
I purse my lips in anger, looking around her room in Vriths tower.
What do you know about it? You are hiding from the entire fucking world!
What am I supposed to do? Keep going around, trying to be something Im not like you have been doing all this time?! Lucinda shouts at me,ing closer.
There are people out there that I helped, Lucinda! Even you, Christ! You are here because I chose not to put a hole between your eyes!
Oh, thank you for not killing me! You are truly a paragon of kindness!
I look at the anger in her eyes and wonder what I have done wrong to deserve this. What kind of deed could I have done in my past life to deserve this treatment?
I put food on the table for homeless people; I tried giving some of them a job. I try helping friends, their children even. At least, unlike you, Im fucking trying.
I see Lucinda gather some magic on the tip of her fingers. I dont even need my skill these days; its like a sixth sense at this point.
Do you want to strike me? I ask.
So much you cant even imagine, she hisses.
I can feel my heartbeat in my ears and behind my eyes; thats how much blood is rushing to my head. But Im not a beast. Im not a savage. Or thats what I keep repeating to myself as a mantra. I move a few steps closer to Lucinda until our faces are almost touching.
Strike me, I tell her.
Do not provoke me, Joey
Strike me, I tell her again. Fucking
A [Forcebolt] bounces off my clothes. The impact sends me straight to the floor I was too close to neutralize the forcepletely. I lick my lips and get up.
Come on, I say, try it again. You might temporarily exhaust the reserves in my clothes if you try hard enough.
She throws a few other [Forcebolts], but Im at least a few feet from her now, and the hat and the amulet Im wearing entirely neutralize them.
Is that all Vrith has taught you? You stayed with one of the greatest spellcasters alive, and thats all you can do, Lucinda?
Looking through her eyes, I wonder what Im doing wrong. Not specifically with Lucinda, but with the rest of the world as well. Is she right? Am I right?
Id like to know if my father used to wonder the same every time heshed out at my mother or me. Was he the kind of person that questioned himself when he was alone? What happened when he was stuck with his thoughts? Am I like this because of him? Is this some deviant gical transfer?
This academy has a lot to do with a [Light Mage] that built the bridges between the towers, right? Didnt Marcus mention that when I first arrived here? Isnt this a ce where I could thrive, where I might create new bonds? Sure, the [Dean] is interested in my knowledge. But should I me him?
An impact bigger than the others wakes me up from my trance. Lucinda just used a much more powerful spell.
You are a pathetic loser! she screams.
Am I, now?
But is this even something I should be doing? Shes a prisoner of this tower, of her own choices. Isnt that the worst sentence? To be stuck with yourself and to be mediocre? Good, but never good enough?
Looking at Lucinda, I see the ugliness of this world, the problem that will always grip people like her. Maybe even people like the princess. Less so with Lord Juler. And I dont care about Levener. But the point is that she is here a forever pale and distorted reflection of whatever Vrith is. Lord Juler and I worked together, and he was a [Supreme Archmagus], the apex of his era, an unparalleled [Mage].
A rather stoic thought hits me.
[Impostor]?
Why not?
Whatever this world throws at me, Ill take it. Lets see what we can make out of it. And maybe certain choices were not for the best. But I need to own my mistakes. I need to fix my affairs in Amorium as soon as I talk with the [Archmages]. Hell, I even need to take on a few Gold-ranked missions, dont I?
There are many things I need to take care of really a lot of them.
Looking at Lucinda panting, out of breath, and with a red face, my anger dissipates. Now, I just feel pity for her. Shes really stuck here, huh? And not because she must, but because she wants to. Your head is the biggest prison, or however the saying goes.
I hope you will find happiness, Lucinda. Whatever you do, I try to sound sincere, but Im honestly too burdened to care about her. We split up when I decided to take up a disguise. And sure, I think that wasnt the best decision I ever took. But she flipped. And so, I guess this is it for us.
Now that I see the vein on her neck erge as she shouts weird Elven profanities at me, its like I cant even hear her anymore. I simply dont understand whats going on in her mind. Im sure that a psychologist could make a lot out of this. But whatever Lucinda is going through, I cant help her. Not now.
So, have you decided? Lord Juler asks me as we sit across from each other.
The truth is always better, isnt it? Plus, arent the Vanedenis themselves all about honesty and being straight with each other?
Yes, Lord Juler caresses his beard while nodding.
Ill be needing a teleport to the Royal Pce.
You understand I cant ask the Princess toe with you, right? And you shouldnt either. Vrith is incredibly strong, but they do have old artifacts in their capital. And they are afraid she will go there to cause a ughter.
Dont worry. Its better if she stays out of it. Im strong, Lord Juler. Ill just need an in-and-out. Is that doable?
The [Supreme Archmagus] nods.
There are many artifacts that can do such a thing. However, we will have to consider thepatibility with your protection amulet and the hat. They are both very neutral, but it will take some calibration to ensure that the teleport shall not be impeded by a ward or anything like that. Teleportation is the kind of magic that this era has already forgotten. Im sure they still have some protection against it, but they are cluelesspared to my expertise. So, we shall create a fulcrum point inside a ring, use a topaz for
Yeah, yeah. Ok. Spare me the details, please, I tell the man with a smile.
I trust your judgment, Lord Juler. Please, do it as soon as you have some time to spare.
The man gets a little upset since I didnt let him finish his little technical speech. And it makes me strangely happy. This is familiar. Its something Im used to Lord Juler still feels the need to chat around, even if this is just a piece of his soul, an echo of the person he had been when he lived.
Chapter 214: [Impostor]
Chapter 214: [Impostor]
I simply wrote down the second set of Cantrips. They are useful, but nothing insane like the ones after the tenth set. Those are game changers. They will make you a better spellcaster once you have mastered them.
Bianca is on myp, snuggling against my hand, while I look over some legal documents that the [Dean] had quickly drafted for this political maneuver. The man is nice. I cant say much more. He certainly has a great interest in having me in the academy, and while this could all be a political ploy, theres nothing more reasonable to do than this.
This is not Gossip Girl.
This is not some stupid fiction.
This is real life.
And real life has consequences. Apparently, the consequences of being a deranged idiot here are even harsher than you would imagine.
Cursed sses? They have driven many mad in search of power. Others, instead, have simply taken them up by mistake or chance. And they, too, have been driven mad. Sometimes, the truly desperate need power to protect the people they love or maybe their selfish interests. Your [Dean] made a fair proposal, Joey Luciani. Princess Vrith and I will guarantee your safety if you were to ept. In the end, I owe you my freedom. And you are my disciple.
Thats what Lord Juler said.
Man, Ive been living like an idiot, havent I?
What would Selena Gomez say to me if she was here now, huh? How would I justify myself to her?
What happens when you put yourself in front of a superior authority like Selena Gomezs thighs? Thats a fascinating mental exercise for your ethics and morality. Would you be worthy of those thighs if you behaved in one way? Or would you not be worthy if you behaved in another way? How much juiciness do you deserve if you act like a madman?
I have this plunging feeling in my stomach, this impression that Ive been kind of blind. This entire idea was pure idiocy. Why did I not think about what the [Dean] said? Why did I have to behave like an idiot, to reject Lucinda when she said I was crazy for doing what I was going to do? Shoot, now I can plead for her too, cant I? She got involved in this tangled mess because of me.
I put down a protesting Bianca and take out a teleporting artifact from my bag of holding.
Lucinda looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
You are going to what?
No? Isnt it a good idea? Even Lord Juler said its good!
So, you will walk among those who tried to kill you, those crazy [Archmages] who cant wait to poison and kill each other, and who enve their disciples? Is that the solution to your problems? First you fake being one of them, then you go and be one of them for real?
Lucy, the [Impostor] thing, though. Isnt that a danger?
I look at the woman, who hesitates for a second before prating my heart with her bright green eyes. I cant decipher her expressionnever could. But its not boding well.
Joey, Ill tell you what. You are a kind man. You are an incredible [Mage]. You are you. You dont need the academy. You dont need the Vanedenis, you t-eared idiot. You have been pretending all this time, right? You were pretending to be a [Baker]. You were pretending to be a student. Whats next? Are you going to pretend to be a [Professor] among those snakes? Is that your master n? You came this close to bing the husband of a deranged princess and possibly a puppet of the royalty. Hasnt that taught you anything?
I look at the woman, incredibly hurt by the fact that she wouldnt understand.
Listen, people need social interactions. Im not going to shut myself off like you did and
Oh, who said you would need to do that? You have enough gold to do whatever you want. And you are looking for the approval of a bunch of rotten degenerates!
I purse my lips in anger, looking around her room in Vriths tower.
What do you know about it? You are hiding from the entire fucking world!
What am I supposed to do? Keep going around, trying to be something Im not like you have been doing all this time?! Lucinda shouts at me,ing closer.
There are people out there that I helped, Lucinda! Even you, Christ! You are here because I chose not to put a hole between your eyes!
Oh, thank you for not killing me! You are truly a paragon of kindness!
I look at the anger in her eyes and wonder what I have done wrong to deserve this. What kind of deed could I have done in my past life to deserve this treatment?
I put food on the table for homeless people; I tried giving some of them a job. I try helping friends, their children even. At least, unlike you, Im fucking trying.
I see Lucinda gather some magic on the tip of her fingers. I dont even need my skill these days; its like a sixth sense at this point.
Do you want to strike me? I ask.
So much you cant even imagine, she hisses.
I can feel my heartbeat in my ears and behind my eyes; thats how much blood is rushing to my head. But Im not a beast. Im not a savage. Or thats what I keep repeating to myself as a mantra. I move a few steps closer to Lucinda until our faces are almost touching.
Strike me, I tell her.
Do not provoke me, Joey
Strike me, I tell her again. Fucking
A [Forcebolt] bounces off my clothes. The impact sends me straight to the floor I was too close to neutralize the forcepletely. I lick my lips and get up.
Come on, I say, try it again. You might temporarily exhaust the reserves in my clothes if you try hard enough.
She throws a few other [Forcebolts], but Im at least a few feet from her now, and the hat and the amulet Im wearing entirely neutralize them.
Is that all Vrith has taught you? You stayed with one of the greatest spellcasters alive, and thats all you can do, Lucinda?
Looking through her eyes, I wonder what Im doing wrong. Not specifically with Lucinda, but with the rest of the world as well. Is she right? Am I right?
Id like to know if my father used to wonder the same every time heshed out at my mother or me. Was he the kind of person that questioned himself when he was alone? What happened when he was stuck with his thoughts? Am I like this because of him? Is this some deviant gical transfer?
This academy has a lot to do with a [Light Mage] that built the bridges between the towers, right? Didnt Marcus mention that when I first arrived here? Isnt this a ce where I could thrive, where I might create new bonds? Sure, the [Dean] is interested in my knowledge. But should I me him?
An impact bigger than the others wakes me up from my trance. Lucinda just used a much more powerful spell.
You are a pathetic loser! she screams.
Am I, now?
But is this even something I should be doing? Shes a prisoner of this tower, of her own choices. Isnt that the worst sentence? To be stuck with yourself and to be mediocre? Good, but never good enough?
Looking at Lucinda, I see the ugliness of this world, the problem that will always grip people like her. Maybe even people like the princess. Less so with Lord Juler. And I dont care about Levener. But the point is that she is here a forever pale and distorted reflection of whatever Vrith is. Lord Juler and I worked together, and he was a [Supreme Archmagus], the apex of his era, an unparalleled [Mage].
A rather stoic thought hits me.
[Impostor]?
Why not?
Whatever this world throws at me, Ill take it. Lets see what we can make out of it. And maybe certain choices were not for the best. But I need to own my mistakes. I need to fix my affairs in Amorium as soon as I talk with the [Archmages]. Hell, I even need to take on a few Gold-ranked missions, dont I?
There are many things I need to take care of really a lot of them.
Looking at Lucinda panting, out of breath, and with a red face, my anger dissipates. Now, I just feel pity for her. Shes really stuck here, huh? And not because she must, but because she wants to. Your head is the biggest prison, or however the saying goes.
I hope you will find happiness, Lucinda. Whatever you do, I try to sound sincere, but Im honestly too burdened to care about her. We split up when I decided to take up a disguise. And sure, I think that wasnt the best decision I ever took. But she flipped. And so, I guess this is it for us.
Now that I see the vein on her neck erge as she shouts weird Elven profanities at me, its like I cant even hear her anymore. I simply dont understand whats going on in her mind. Im sure that a psychologist could make a lot out of this. But whatever Lucinda is going through, I cant help her. Not now.
So, have you decided? Lord Juler asks me as we sit across from each other.
The truth is always better, isnt it? Plus, arent the Vanedenis themselves all about honesty and being straight with each other?
Yes, Lord Juler caresses his beard while nodding.
Ill be needing a teleport to the Royal Pce.
You understand I cant ask the Princess toe with you, right? And you shouldnt either. Vrith is incredibly strong, but they do have old artifacts in their capital. And they are afraid she will go there to cause a ughter.
Dont worry. Its better if she stays out of it. Im strong, Lord Juler. Ill just need an in-and-out. Is that doable?
The [Supreme Archmagus] nods.
There are many artifacts that can do such a thing. However, we will have to consider thepatibility with your protection amulet and the hat. They are both very neutral, but it will take some calibration to ensure that the teleport shall not be impeded by a ward or anything like that. Teleportation is the kind of magic that this era has already forgotten. Im sure they still have some protection against it, but they are cluelesspared to my expertise. So, we shall create a fulcrum point inside a ring, use a topaz for
Yeah, yeah. Ok. Spare me the details, please, I tell the man with a smile.
I trust your judgment, Lord Juler. Please, do it as soon as you have some time to spare.
The man gets a little upset since I didnt let him finish his little technical speech. And it makes me strangely happy. This is familiar. Its something Im used to Lord Juler still feels the need to chat around, even if this is just a piece of his soul, an echo of the person he had been when he lived.
Chapter 215: Reversal
Chapter 215: Reversal
Joey?
Stanimal, I wink at him.
Hes currently tending to a royal pce garden thats so thick I would rather call it a forest. There are a few fruit trees, but the Mana is as heavy as it gets. Not even Amorium, a city famous for its rare herbs and various green products, has this energy density. Im not wearing my Elf disguise. I have chosen toe here with my face and bodyno disgusting, pointy ears.
I go by my old name, Joey, the old man in front of me says.
I nod ruefully. That stings for some reason.
You pardoned the Queen, I heard.
How did youe here? You are
Wanted, I am wanted. But Im gathering political support, I click my tongue. I just wanted to say hi. You know I came with Vanedeni help.
Stanimal looks at me without smiling. His eyes are lifeless, and his hands are still delicately touching the stem of a weird nt.
Political support, he repeats.
Yeah, the thingamajig, you know? Get greedy [Archmages] hooked on the kind of magic I know. Give them some. Theyll back me up in this national manhunt that you and your cronies are carrying out.
Stanimal just stares at me, not saying a word. Well, I guess its not Stanimal anymore. Its King Tiberius.
So, reinstating your distant granddaughter-inw, epting this hunt for an innocent person like me. I see that you have been busy with your politicking.
Not a word? Nothing? I ask.
Its my duty. Its always been, Joey. You should go.
Hell, Iugh, your duty? You were spending your days in Amorium as a homeless person to escape your duty. And now, what do you do? And where the hell is Grigio, by the way?
Suddenly, Im aware of the absence of the huge animal by his side.
Hes not with me anymore. My ss, to express his full potential
Wow, you got rid of Grigio? my eyes widen.
Duties, Joey. I have things to attend to. This new generation is weak. Its my duty to repair that.
Christ, you talk as if you have been brainwashed. What the hell happened? And why the hell didnt you try to help me in the arena? Whats up? Am I missing a piece of the puzzle? Could you tell me if someone has a knife to your familys throat? Could you please tell me that theres a reason you did all of this, why you changed and went back to this life? Please?
A man I dont know and have never seen beforeughs.
You were never that important, he says, shaking his head. I lost my way. When I saw you in the arena, fighting off Marcus, being helped by some Vanedeni, it reminded me of my duties, of what Im supposed to be doing. I had abandoned my people, and you ask me why I went back?
So, you are telling me that you suddenly became a douchebag? That all you did then was some sort of fugue state before you could return to your royal duties? All we did together, the things we built in Amorium
I havent been able to take care of that, King Tiberius shakes his head. Ill need to cut the funds for the bakery especially considering all the money you have stolen from the treasury. Some people did not get paid because of you[Servants], [Farmers]; many employed by the crown. You did not steal from the royals, Joey; you stole from themon men and women.
Fuck, you really did a 180, didnt you? Now, the guilt trip. Hell, Id expect a boss fight with you in the future as well. But you know what? I dont care. You do whatever you are supposed to do. Just I look around for somewhere to sit. I go and plop my ass on a rock, whipping out a piece of paper and a little tablet to write on.
I have a history essay to write. Would you mind telling me some stuff about the Extermination Wars? I bet having the first-hand ount from someone who started those wars will earn my group a lot of extra points.
King Tiberius just stares at me for a second. Then, non-plussed, he speaks.
I have duties to attend to. I cant waste my time with you.
So, you are a big coward who didnt help his partner in business, right? You had been a coward even before when you abandoned your so-called duties. Now, you cant answer a few questions to help with a history essay? Are you not interested in being friends with one of the most influential soon-to-be [Professors] at the Nine Towers Academy?
I mean, I can see why you would be feeling fucking ashamed of yourself, I smile, but is there anything wrong in keeping a civil rtionship with each other? Whats your problem, huh? Am I too handsome for your sorry ass? Too good to hang around? Too silly? Too smart? Too stupid? What is it?
Thest wordse out of my mouth unintentionally infused with Mana, so strong that the grass around us rippled.
I cant really fathom whatever is going on with him. Hes old. He has seen things that I cant imagine. He has seen so much death that, on some level, he probably doesnt see people in the same way. But is there something I can do? Is there a way I can elicit a reaction from the person that used to be the Stan who took care of me? Is there a way I could take care of him?
I dont really know what to think. I dont really know what to say.
King Tiberius simply stares at me before turning and walking toward the pce.
He has an air of solitude about him, the air of someone who cant walk the path hes going down with others. Theres nopany there, no relief. Theres probably a lot of pain. Theres noughter. Theres no silliness. Theres only taking care of duties until the day he dies.
Get me out, Lord Juler, I sigh.
Suddenly, Im yanked out of the gardens and transported in front of the [Supreme Archmagus]. Apparently, inhibiting the teleport trigger is one of the things that basic anti-teleportation wards do. And thats why sometimes its better to trigger the spell inside an artifact remotely.
Paranoid, if you ask me. Really a paranoid mage.
But whatever.
Did you find the answers you were looking for? Or the satisfaction, at least? He cant do anything to stop you from bing a member of the Nine Towers Academy. And we monitored the [Archmages]. All are in favor. Even [Archmage] Titus. You killed off his disciple, but I bet he would be willing to kill his entire family to get his hands on the magic of old, Joey Luciani.
Whatever. To hell with Titus. About StanKing TiberiusI dont know. Is he even a royal now? Like, is he the king? You know what? Dont tell me. Let him do his thing. Ill do mine. But no, no satisfaction. No real answers. Im not sure I can interpret what a man that old thinks.
Care to hear the advice of another old man? Lord Juler smiles fatherly.
Sure, I shrug.
Immortality, or even very long life, is as much a curse as a blessing. Personality and character deteriorate over time. The myth of Dragons being aloof andzy because of their immortality is true. When you outlive everyone else, you see the world differently. We are a set of Goblin cogs in their weird contraptions, and we move based on the movement of the other cogs. When the other cogs stop moving, we have to be refitted to other cogs so that we can keep working. And if we never break down like the others, we just lose our purpose, our identity. That is, obviously, an oversimplification. But the purpose can be your identity, just like its happened again for your friend, Joey Luciani. And King Tiberius is a haunted man. He probably wishes for no other than rest, but he also knows better; he knows that a huge change ising. Vrithsing out because of me, and you put every continent on high alert. They have no idea where we are hiding, and some dont even want to know. The Vanedenis have many enemies, Joey Luciani. But we were never the scared ones. They are. They are bunkering down, building armies, trying to defeat impossibly strong Dungeons to recover relics that might aid them in the wars that areing to this world.
You know, he continues, how I cant tell you what we are studying exactly? Thats because you would take part in it. Even though something is already telling me that you will be a part of it.
Great; always ready for the apocalypse. I hope someone writes my biography at some point, though. It would be cool to read about all my great feats.
Joey Luciani, Lord Juler stares at me, you are still a child. Do not think too much about the consequences of your actions. Act, child, and experience the world. Whatever you do, it doesnt matter if its wrong or right. At the moment, theres nothing more important than what you will do and who you will be. Wisdom only exists in the realm of thoughts and actions, but actions often have toe before thoughts. Once you have enough mistakes on your [Mage] robe, you will know who you are, and youll be one of the greatest [Archmages] this world has ever seen. Im sure of that.
I dont really know what to say. The kind of faith that Lord Juler has in me is probably one of the few things that really brought me onto this path, one of the few things that has convinced me to keep the boat steady.
Lucinda is wrong.
And shes not wrong about me going crazy, but about not needing that. As Lord Juler says, mistakes have to be made. And mistakes will be made as I be a [Professor] at the academy. Hell, I dont even know if Im good enough to give lessons to a bunch of college [Mages] horny for weird magic and potions.
But I know I can follow this path with a lighter heart now.
Stan fucked up.
Laura fucked up.
Even if I were to get an [Impostor] ss, itd be because Im the only person to speak the truth among a bunch of hypocrites. I think a boomer-ish quote about lions being bullied by sheep would be very fitting here. Imagine I said something like that.
Chapter 216: Secrets to Share
Chapter 216: Secrets to Share
Ok, not remembering names is finally getting to me.
[Archmage] Titus, I say to the only person whose name is still impressed in my mind.
Young [Mage], he nods with a neutral expression.
Four out of five [Archmages] are still alive. Ariostus, the [Dean], has organized this meeting to discuss the finer details of my coboration. Ive just realized that actually knowing their names would have been better than figuring out how to ask for them on the spot. If I ask them what they are called right now, they will probably be offended, wont they? [Mages] are vane like that, especially [Archmages].
Hell, Im sweating bullets here. What do I do? Could there be a list with their names in the files Robin gave me? What if I ask Ariostus for a brief recess, asking him to show me the way to the bathroom?
The morbidly obese woman, yet another [Archmage], has finally arrived at our meeting. Everyone is sitting at a round table. Very Arthurian, I have to say.
Everyone is here, Ariostus announces.
The two other [Archmages] are people I dont even remember. They are both Elves, making the obese woman the only Human in here. One is a non-descript old man; the other, instead, is a rather young fe wearing a colorful robe.
Ten gold coins that hes openly gay and speaks with a very feminine voice
Young [Mage], the deepest voice I have ever heardes from the colorful [Archmage], Ariostus told us about your proposal. If you really own the magic of old, we will see you are pardoned for your crimes. That is if you are willing to share your magic with us.
Sure thing, I say, disappointed to have lost ten gold coins with myself, I will hold lessons on all the Cantrips I know. There are 23 sets of 23 Cantrips in total. But Im not entirely sure that thest one is fixed. I havent askedPrincess Vrith. Yes, shes the one who taught me the stuffthe Princess. But thest set is a bunch of philosophical questions. Ill have to interrogate her about it. Apart from that, I can offer a piece of evidence that will exin why you all are
I bite my tongue before saying, inferior spellcasters.
are Uhm. Not as good as the Princess? Whatever. We sign the magical contract, and Ill give you and the academy the Cantrips, as well as the one trick that gave me a huge advantage. I wont be giving out my personal spellcasting methods but [Archmage] Titus here has an inferior copy of it, thanks to Lucinda. Right, has the [Dean] told you that I want immunity for her as well? Or a pardon? Whatever its called when you are not an ouw anymore.
The [Dean] has mentioned all your terms, [Archmage] Titus says with slightly narrowed eyes. So, if everyone agrees with this motion, shall we proceed?
Hell, they didnt ask me to call out their names yet.
Why are youing here to teach secrets? Why not go back to Kome? Titus, you old stalk of yellow grass, we have to ask him why hes here. And have you forgotten about the mysterious magic he used against Appius? We were all there, but no one knew what had happened. So, are we going to ask him how he killed the most promising [Mage] of an entire generation?
Well, it has been a bit too easy until now, hasnt it?
Titus gestures for me to speak.
First, I dont think its that secret. Many centuries ago, everyone knew about the Cantrips. Knowing about them doesnt mean youll be able to perform all of them. Nor that you will be super strong. Talent is still talent. We will raise the average spellcasting capabilities, but thats it. These secrets, as you call them, should be public knowledge. And Illpile books and send them out to the whole world. Theres no reason to hide this magic. What you get is a head start. Nothing more. So, I dont think Im actually doing a disservice to anyone in particr.
Second, Im not from Kome. I am a friend of the Vanedenis, but thats it. Im not a Vanedeni myself. Nor am I from Teiko. Where Im from is my business, I shrug. And the magic I used against Appius? What, are you going to reveal the tricks in your bag too?
Cant me them for trying to shake me down, can I? They are greedy little bastards. And I can see the displeasure on their faces when I front my idea of publicly sharing my magic. But they also know that if they are the first to put their filthy hands on it, they will have a great advantage over any other [Archmage] in the world. In the end, we have no real media here. And that means it will take time before my theories and teachings circte all around.
Any other question, Alonna?
Alonna.
Alonna. Alonna. Alonna.
Hell, dont forget it!
Alonna! Alonna! Alonna!
The obese woman looks at me the same way Ive seen little fat children look at my cake disy, and I get a shiver in my back. I bet you ten gold coins that woman can probably swallow me alive or some weird stuff. You dont be an [Archmage] and decide to stay that obese this is not Earth, and excessive body positivity has yet to reach the Kingdom of Lucerna.
We can proceed. I have already reviewed the contracts. This cutie here knows his stuff.
Holy shit.
Cutie?
Oh, hell no.
But yeah, Lord Juler made me write out all the details. This stuff is irond. If shit goes down, the [Archmages] are basically obligated to help me unless I am the one going into a massive conflict with the capital. And even then, in reality, theres some maneuvering. Lord Juler is an old fox and wrote this thing in such aplex manner that only he really knows what it all means, magically speaking. I should ask him if he knows of the [Lawyer] ss, and if he does, I have to ask when we will exterminate every person bearing it.
I snap my fingers, and my disguisees off.
It feels good to be back, I smile at the [Archmages].
I walked home with the disguise on again. It will take a few days of finicking with their politics before I can show my face around without causing a huge mess. And to be honest, thats good. I need some time to tell my fellow students about my real identity. Im not sure how they will react, butat least I didnt bring this thing to the point of no return.
Marcellus? I call out while entering my apartment.
Immediately, I see the Elven kid lying on the couch. Its after-lessons, and hes probably wondering where the hell I ended up after the first lesson. Its evening, though. I mean, almost evening. Theres still some sun outside, but its definitely past lesson time. The Elves here were decent enough not to hold any evening lesson; otherwise, I would have to burn down the entire academy.
Yo, I gently shake the shoulder of the Elf, who keeps sleeping like a rock.
Hm, I shrug and take a good look at the huge mess in this house.
I guess I should start from here.
I take out some containers for all the food and start packing the pastries and the variouspositions I made interestingly enough, I have yet to bake a real pizza. Something tells me that I havent found the right asion for it. And it being a part of my heritage, I should treat it as ast resort, as the ace up my sleeve.
But now, its time for some cleaning. This house looks like a hurricane shopped at a bakery and got too tired of putting the food away. Plus, Id rather give all this stuff to people who are hungry does the academy have a charity? I need to ask Robin. What was the ce they used as a base of operation? Snake something? Serpents? Wasnt that Riverdale? Whatever.
Ill askter, but now, I want to see the Human with a slight French ent. Its weird how her ent was almost perfect, save for a few very specific words, as if she tried to inject her ent into her speech. It did not sound natural; rather, it sounded like she had to try, to force her way into it.
God, this ce is always messing with my head. What if that girl is really French? I mean, not that I need to be Sherlock Holmes to know. French ent, baguettes, a very arrogant gaze, like shes the best in the world? Definitely a French girl. Also, quite hot.
Cassandre.
My head gives out her name like a natural reflex. Hell, I dont even remember asking for it. But thats fair; there is a bunch of stuff that I dont remember. For example, is it the Green Walk? Or is it the Green Path? I always get confused. But I bet its the Green Walk.
Should have asked Lucinda.
I think of my previous crush, then lover, then thief, then friend with benefits? Well, then, barely an acquaintance. Whatever that woman has going for her, Im done. Hell, Human females are sometimes cuckoo, but Lucinda is in her own league. And shes also a bit mean, honestly. I dont like talking smack about others, but she only sees the world in one way, doesnt she? And what is the world shes living in?
A world without responsibilities, I tell myself while I start dusting the house. I pull up some chairs that had tumbled on their back and dust them off as well.
Oh, right, I should have some
I start fishing in my messy bag of holding, another thing Ill begin tidying up, and take out some natural fragrances. One has a smell simr tovender. One of them is a poison that I bought by mistake. But its not deadly, I think; I mean, it shouldnt be. It was something that supposedly would have helped with bug infestations.
Well,vender is purple, so I guess its the purple sk?
The little sks had a weird vaporizing enchantment on them. As soon as you opened them, they would start spraying around. Same for the poison.
Well, here goes nothing, I say while uncorking thevender thing and covering my face with my sleeve. As soon as the thing starts spraying, I can smell a lovelyvender-like fragrance.
We live to bake another day, I tell a sleeping Marcellus.
I keep tidying up and cleaning some dishes. I could maybe try using some magic to do it, but it would feel like cheating. And this little act of responsibility feels nice; it feels cleansing. If I used magic, especially after sprayingvender everywhere, it would feel like covering my mess underneath a nket of lies. Why? I have no idea. Who do you take me for? Freud?
Chapter 217: Problems?
Chapter 217: Problems?
In the morning, I got a message from Ariostus. Apparently, its all good. He just wants to present me to the rest of the academy in person. That should help with the fact that our Advanced Cantrips [Professor] has just lost his job and has been sent to some backwater city as a clerk or something. I mean no disrespect, but when you have such an important position, and you botch it, thats what you deserve. If you stab someone, thats one person you have hurt. But if you are an idiotic [Professor]? Jesus, that can get catastrophic; the damage you can do is out of this world. Your teachings will multiply like a virus and spread like the worst of gues.
In fact, how many lives do we ruin due to bad teaching?
And do you know what always got me about bad teachers?
Teaching is a form of self-improvement. No one knows everything, and I dont like those professors who want to pass as people who never make mistakes. Its like doctors who never check the guidelines. Those doctors kill people. And the professors who need the illusion of being all-knowing are the same. In my head, a professor is no different from a ship captainwait. No, Im not going to use the word captain. It reminds me of that filmwhats the title? Dead Poets Society? Whatever. The point is that every ss is a journey. I dont give a damn about the state guidelines. A professor should teach something that will remain impressed in their students minds and go on with that. Sadly, its not possible at the high school level. Its a little better at the college level. But still, very few professors have the necessary leeway to be able to do whatever they deem the best for their students.
But guess who just earned two patches on his elbows and the right to steal co-workers sandwiches from the teachers room?
How you doin, I say with a giant smile at the counter, adding a wink and a tongue click.
You, Cassandre sighs. Its still very early in the morning, and the formal introduction wont start until a few hourster. Im getting some food because I need to tell my group about my situation. I left Marcellus sleeping on the couch. He deserves some rest.
No one around, huh? I say, looking around the shop.
Most of the baguettes are not ready yet. Apparently, the academy has cancelled all morning lessons today. We are getting ready for lunch instead.
Lunch, lovely, I smile, can I still ce an order for some of those baguettes? Id like a dozen. Here, I have a list of what they should
She snatches the piece of paper and passes it to the chef after writing something on it.
Good. If you dont need anything else, you can sit over there and free the queue.
I look over my shoulder.
Queue? Theres no one here,dy. Plus, I wanted to have a small chat. Would that be so terrible?
Chat? Listen, Elf, I am here to conduct some businss.
Oh, Im all for the businss myself,dy, I say, adding another wink as a good measure. But I couldnt help but notice that you seem toe from a foreign country.
And what businss is that for you?
What?
You mean what do I care about it?
Uh-uh, she nods.
Well, I dont know. I love learning about other countries. Would you tell me about where youe from? I bet its full of beautiful girls, but of course, you are still one of the prettiest.
Cassandre mimics a puking motion before looking at me with pity.
Ie from the most beautiful country in the world, she says with a haughty expression, pouting her lips as if it was impossible for me to understand.
Oh, isnt that lovely? What, pray tell, makes your country so fantastic?
Everything. We have the bestndscaping in the world, the best food, the best culture, literature, art We invented all those things. And we invented democracy as well.
Fucking hell.
Sorry for swearing but
Fucking hell.
French people.
Come on.
What about the food? Whats so special about it?
Oh, we have the best patisserie expertise in the whole world, she nods. But Im not here to waste my time with you, Elf. How did you say, what do you care? she replies.
Well, Im waiting for food, and its nice to have a pleasant conversation. Especially when theres such a beautiful girl on the other side of the counter. I was just wondering what marvelous ce could give birth to such ady. You look like a noble, you know?
She takes one of her locks in her hand, twirling it,cent and smug.
Do I?
Yeah, the high cheekbones, the very sharp face. And your eyes have something, I lean onto the counter and bite my lip while I fake looking deeper into her eyes. Every single woman on the has a story about what her eyes look like. It doesnt matter how boring, how in, or how normal. Every single girl will say the most idiotic thing about her
Oui! she squeals louder than Ive ever heard Princess Bianca do. I have gold speckles in my eyes, did you notice? Its around the pupil. My irises are green with little gold speckles all around!
I dont know what it is about some people. But thats good. I need to confirm beyond reasonable doubt that this woman is from Earth. And if youre asking why, Im not getting a good vibe from this Cassandre. What? Do you think she might be the woman who helped Stanimal and gifted Grigio to him? Hell, it could be. But theres something fishy about this person and the fact that shes clearly affiliated with half-giants. One of them is the cook, and the other is a bouncer. Also, she has some protection to avoid people spying on her ss. Whatever shes up to, Im afraid Ill have to take a good look. Also, maybe pat her down?
Hehe.
But jokes aside, Im getting a weird vibe from this person, and I already messed up in the past. Lets see if shes a criminal or something like that.
So, what about where youe from? Would you mind telling me a little more? Im just curious, I swear, I smile warmly.
The woman bites her lips and sighs theatrically.
If you insist.
I swear, some days, I think I might have pierced the female Matrix. Yeah, yeah. I got my fair share of ps. But do you realize how powerful a simplepliment is? Like, how far does it go to keep at it? God bless my Italian heritage. My fellow Americans either give up at the first shake of the head or be outright rape-y.
My country, she looks up at the ceiling dreamily. The most beautiful streets of my capital have art, culture, and history written on them. You can see monuments of all kinds there. We have a massive steel construction, which is how most tourists imagine our capital. But theres so much more. We have the most beautiful museums in the world.
Whats a museum? I ask.
At this point, I could stop questioning her. Shes French100%. No doubt. Massive steel construction? Come on. And the Louvre? I mean, I bet you the Hermitage is better. And Italian museums and Vis have their own specific charm. But yeah, the French have Impressionism, dont they? After the Renaissance, they pretty much monopolized a lot of the arts. I think the Italians might have held their own until the 18th or 19th century, but after that, I dont really know much. Im not an expert in art history.
Oh, right, she nods, remembering that Elves dont really have museums. Its a ce where they exhibit art. You can pay a fee to look at the great collections.
Like paintings and statues? I ask with an open mouth.
Oui!
Ten bucks that we have some sort of weird trantion system. I think this world speaks English, but not every person who came from Earth does. And she has to force the words in her originalnguage to pronounce them, which would exin why theye out so forcefully.
Interesting.
Oh, and whats your favorite kind of painting? I dig paintings of leaves and trees, I tell her with a lot of enthusiasm.
Leaves and trees? Cassandre frowns. But when she sees my sincere face and the huge smile I put on, I think she feels bad for me this time with genuine pity, not just spiteful pity.
Well, art is not just about the subject; sometimes, its about the artist.
Meaning? I ask.
It might be a journy to reach something, like this artist, Mondrian, Cassandre says with dreamy eyes while I nod at the purely circumstantial evidence Im following.
Piet Mondrian was a painter who aspired to reach ideals of perfection, purity, unity, and even spiritualism through his paintings. He believed theres a perfect reality that is detached from our reality. That there is a perfect version of our world. And he was trying to reach this world through his art and the spirituality derived from his artworks. So, to reach something thats above this world, you cant paint elements that remind you of this world; for example, you cant make a portrait or andscape because they are reflections of the reality we live in. You have to reduce these elements to the bare minimum. So, you strip down everything, and you get lines, squares, and primary colorsred, blue, and yellow; these are the only colors present in his paintings. All his paintings are the same in a way; they are an iteration, his personal journey to reach an ideal, the perfectposition. Never diagonal lines, though! He got in a fight with Theo van Doesburg about that. Mondrian said that diagonal lines suggest movement and thus are not simple enough. He wasnt even painting hister pieces; he would use tape instead. And he would put it on the canvas in whatever way. Then, he woulde back the next day, and he would take off the tape and tape it somewhere else. It was very unusual. He was constantly searching for a better way to find perfection.
I am hit by a stream of words this woman just spouted on me like a ton of bricks. But wait, isnt Mondrian a familiar name?
This Mondrian, he sounds like quite the character. Was he a fellow countryman of yours?
No, he wasnt. And he spent most of his life overseas, in the USin another ce.
Like, in Carilia? I ask, feigning ignorance.
Sort of, she smiles, still dreamily looking at the ceiling.
Boy, this girl definitely studied humanities, didnt she?
But whatever. I think I was dragged by a date to a couple of museums where they had some stuff by this Mondrian fe. I wonder if hes the guy that made the colored rectangles. If he is, this woman is crazy. The painting Im visualizing in my head right now is the sort of art that should get you burnt at the stake like a witch. Must be my Italian blood, but Im more of a Neo-ssical/Renaissance guy myself. The whole weirdo vibe really missed the mark for me. A literary equivalent would probably be the Futurist idiots and their garbage.
Youll never understand, Cassandre sighs, getting the order that was ready already during her speech.
Who knows, I might, I smile in return.
Trust me; you wont. Also, get some flirting lessons, friend. You will have many problems with women if you behave like that.
Iugh, not able to help myself.
Hell, if I dont like a theatrical performance.
Problems? I say while leaving a random number of gold coins on the counter and picking up my order.
I turn on my heels, look over my shoulder, and deactivate my disguise.
I got ny-nine problems, friend, but ady aint one.
Wink, tongue click, strutting out.
And thats Joey, motherflipping, Luciani, baby.
We are back.
See you, Frenchie, I say as I leave a wide-mouthed girl behind me.
Chapter 218: Gay Prince
Chapter 218: Gay Prince
Ass.
Jiggly, pearly, big butts.
Round, peachy cheeks.
I look at Ariostus, whos gesturing at me toe forward. Oh, yeah, right, the presentation. Sorry, I just lost myself in important thoughts; dont mind me. Sometimes, we have to interrogate ourselves on life''s most profound questions. And truly, theres only one real response to everything
And, after cleaning his name with the authorities, Im proud to announce that Joey Luciani will be joining us as a [Professor]! Ariostus shouts.
God, I could do without the theatrics, maybe. Or maybe not. Who am I kidding? I love this stuff.
Hello there! I ramp up the volume of my voice with some Mana. The [Mages] here have no microphones. Either you know how to amplify your voice, or you are not worth listening to; its as easy as that to understand how proficient of a spellcaster you are.
Its an honor toe here! I say to a sea of faces that can barely contain contempt. Nothing weird about that. I killed a bunch of idiots they worshipped a few months ago, didnt I? Plus, there are two vacant towers after my duels.
I bring with me the magic of old. I know that you may not like me and that some of you think Im a Human spy, or worse, a Vanedeni spy. But I came here because I want to study magic with fellow [Mages], and also because there are many things I can teach my fellow [Mages].
I can feel Ariostuss aura behind me. The guy already wants to choke me. He said to avoid any political takes. But you know, buddy, Im from the US of AEverything is politics.
"I hope Ill be the cornerstone of a more neutral academy. I am a friend of Elves but also a friend of Vanedenis. I, surprisingly, dont know many Humans, as you might think. But I hope to be a friend to all races, species, and women!
My joke falls on deaf ears. Most [Mages] in the main auditorium that Ariostus had reserved for the asion are looking around, confused. Only a few seem to be giggling, having understood my joke.
Ill be teaching three sses. Ill be your instructor for Advanced Cantrips! And I sorely rmend everyone to join, even older students! Why? Well, even your dear [Archmages] will have to attend my ss!
Gasps and shouts fill the auditorium for a second before I cast a [Silence] spell over the students.
Well, they wanted me to teach them the good stuff privately. But I believe that magic should be shared with the public. Some have already asked, so Ill say in advance that I will not be teaching the secrets of my ss, specifically; no one expects me to, anyway. But Ill be teaching you all the tools youll need to excel in your personal brand of magic. What I really care about is that everyone learns the basics. Also, its notmon for a professoroh, right. The two other sses will be secret sses! What are they going to be about? Its a secret!
I see a few studentsugh, and I smile at them. I can also see my study group, the people who have had to listen to my exnation as to who I am, not even a few hours ago.
So, as I was saying, it is unusual for a [Professor] to be presenting research material, but I hope to change the way business is conducted here. Therefore, Ill tell you that as a [Professor], Ill be researching the secrets of Light Magic hidden in the academy. But my formal research willpile all the generalist knowledge about learning magic. Hopefully, Ill be here for many years to study with all of you and learn alongside you. Oh, right. Ill also attend the lessons that Ill not be holding! After all, everyone has to learn new stuff, even a [Professor]!
I lift the [Silence] spell and find a surprising number of people pping. Theres a fair share of boos, but I did not expect the support. My group is among the ones pping. Well, thats good. I really feared that I would have burned the bridges with them once I told the truth.
And that was all from [Professor] Luciani! Ariostus basically wrestles me off the stage and continues to give updates and thetest news. There will be a few changes at the academy, including the fact that, as I anticipate, the [Archmages] will assist with lessons. Also, the students are asked not to bother the [Archmages] too much.
Oh, I should tell the students in my ss to ask the [Archmages] as many questions as possible. What fascinating conversations coulde out of that, I wonder. Theres too much protected knowledge around here. Back on Earth, I dated a few hot PhDs and Associate Professors. They told me that the research field is terribly slow because the propagation of information among researchers is all but immediate. Many fear that if they drop the ball for even a second, others will take over, copy the research, and publish it first. So, many are extremely jealous when ites to their research. Also, people are more interested in citations than anything else.
You know what? Lets try to kickstart a truly academic world. The fact that these idiots lost the knowledge of the Cantrips and God knows what else is ridiculous. Theres too much asymmetry between poptions. Instead, we should be circting more knowledge. Mh, I could ask the Vanedenis, once they are back in the game, if they could help maintain the information sharing. In the end, those people are crazier than mad cows; I doubt theres anyone more apt for such a job.
As I leave the auditorium, I think back to what happened with my little group.
So, why have you gathered us here? Anneus frowns, annoyed.
Ive got some news I smile, making a headcount to be sure everyones here. Amelia, are you listening?
The older woman is fussing with Sabinas hair, swatting away the poor girls hands every time she tries to free herself from the motherly clutches.
Wait a second! Sabina, what are you washing your hair with?! Look at this; its terrible! Your hair feels like hay! My God, we need to get you some new products! I know a [Merchant] that is in cahoots with a famous [Beautician] who is in bed with a couple of [Alchemists]. Ill make sure that we get the best for you!
Jesus, Amelia.
Does this have anything to do with the fact that the [Dean] called for a big meeting in the auditorium and that theres been a lot of movement around the high floors?
Thats Zahra for you. The perceptive ck woman looks at me with a sly smile. I dont know how, but she seems to know much more than she lets on. Or at least shes extremely good at the guessing game.
Yes, its about the [Dean] calling for a school assembly. Its very important, and it would mean a lot if you all could sit for a second.
Even though I made a scene in Cassandres bakery, Ive put on the disguise again. I cant just walk among these people with my Human face and spook them. Or could I? It would have definitely been quite the entrance. Hell, maybe next time.
Whatever happens, it better happen sooner thanter. Im happy to have taken this choice, honestly. Im not too big on lies. I dont know if its the hyper-guilt that my mother has instilled in me with her Christian teachings, but its surely affecting my mentality and how I approach every single thing in my life. I care about these people, see. They are in the woods, as someone would put it. Or simply, they are in the shit. To put it gently, they are paddling up not just a creek but the Niagara Falls of fecal matter.
And you know what, Ive interrogated myself about it. Like, am I just creating a saviorplex? Am I doing too much? Or is there a thing as too much? Am I getting the King Arthurplex? Is that even a thing? Maybe not on Earth, but surely it could be a thing here.
Anyway, the point is that, beforeing here, Id been thinking about whether or not Ive made a good call. I dont want to be patronizing. I dont want to be the Draconian guy hanging over all their heads, knowing whats best for them. But at the same time, I cant be fully candid about the fact that I know all the details of their lives. These people have gone through some shit, ok? And when you have a life like that, you dont want someone you barely know to make everything resurface just like that.
So, what I told myself was that Id simply wait. If they need help, Ill be there. If they dont, their secrets are safe with me. I dont need to be a savior. But Ill be one if its needed.
So, long story short, my real name is not Gioeius Lucianus, I say as everyone sits down in my house I asked Marcellus to gather every single one of them, telling them its super important.
Not many of you seem surprised so far, I frown.
You are clearly hiding something, Zahra answers. That you were not using your real name was clear.
Alba, the huge Ahali woman, shrugs.
Everyone has secrets, she says.
Im not sure if shes trying to justify herself or me.
Whatever. Fake name. But did you know that Im not an Elf? I smile suggestively.
Yeah, Anneus nods. You barely use any Elven expressions or ng. And you dont talk like a noble. Also, you seem to know close to nothing about [Merchants]. And didnt you im that you came from a family of [Merchants]? Ive never seen a son of a [Merchant] so t-eared with their money. You are greener than a Druids ass.
I look at the others, and everyone nods.
Huh.
I mean, at this point, do you want to guess what Im going to say next? Because I swear, if any one of you, save for Zahra, guesses what Im going to say, Ill give you a thousand gold coins.
You are a homosexual Human noble who had to flee his own country after romancing the Royal Prince! Alba talks so fast I can barely catch what she says.
WHAT?!
Anneus sniggers and nods.
WHAT ARE YOU NODDING FOR?! I shout, incensed.
Alba, I try to take a deep breath to calm myself, would you mind exining yourself?
Well, you sometimes act funny around women. It seems like youve never really courted a woman. And you cook a lot
IS COOKING A GAY TRAIT NOW?
Always has been, Anneus smiles while moving his crutches around.
I swear the only reason this guy doesnt get beaten up every single day is because hes disabled. And this thing about cooking! Hell! The gays already stole the peace g and Netflix; do they get male cooking too now?!
Anyway, I say, no, Alba, Im not a gay noble who had a hanky-panky with the Royal Prince.
Alba drops her gaze to the ground, clearly disappointed. I''d probably beat her up if she wasnt taller and more muscr than me.
Anyone else? With a sound theory, maybe?
Chapter 219: Revelations
Chapter 219: Revtions
Are you sure you are not a homosexual? Anneus smiles wickedly, noticing how upset I got after such an assumption.
Yeah, absolutely sure. I like women, Anneus.
Alba keeps looking depressed by this piece of news. I mean, whats the matter with this girl, huh? What does she mean by a noble that fled his country because of a goddamn homosexual affair? What is this person even reading in her free time?!
Other guesses? I sigh.
You had an illicit child some time ago, and now you came back to take care of it! Amelia screams while pping her hands in excitement.
I simply stare at the woman and choose to ignore what she just said.
Next?
You are a criminal?
Thats Marcellus for you.
Technically, yes, I smile. But in practice, not really. Oh, by the way.
Almost forgot.
I take out the baguettes that everyone among the students seems to love. That girl, Cassandre, has created a raging culture revolving around phallic pieces of bread filled with everything you could possibly imagine and more.
So, there are still a bunch of other things. Marcellus, your first guess was somewhat close to home. Anyone else?
Zahra opens her mouth, but I instantly point a finger at her.
Dont you dare!
Come on, [Colonel], we both know who you are. Just drop the game, she smiles.
What?
What?
You are [Colonel] Abrax!
I look around, trying to understand if anyone in the room knows who Zahra is talking about, but all I see are faces as confused as mine. It seems that the name doesnt really ring a bell to anyone here.
Wrong, apparently, I muse.
The woman falls into a meditative silence and looks at the ring on her left pinkie. Whatever just happened, I should check her fileter there was a lot of military gibberish, and probably the answer to what just went down right here.
Next?
Gioeius, or whatever your name is, wouldnt it be faster if you just told us?
Adrastus, my man, you are a mood-killer. Wheres the fun in that, huh?
Plus, if these people will never talk to me again after knowing my real identity, I better take my sweet-ass time.
So, do you have any guesses?
Adrastus sighs and shrugs.
Are you perhaps the Human who killed Appius and Alba, the two future [Archmages] of the academy? I dont know, Gioeius,e on. Just tell us. Who are you?
What? Alba was going to be an [Archmage]? Ah, I didnt know that. Well, better like this then. I wouldnt have wanted such a person in the high spheres here at the academy.
Suddenly, the atmosphere freezes over. Everyone stops fidgeting with books, baguettes, their clothes, their hair, and others hair as well.
I smile.
Yep, people. I didnt deny it.
I raise my hand and snap my fingers, still smiling.
After a few beats, I remember that I actually have to deactivate the disguise myself. The snap of the fingers is pure theatrics; it doesnt actually do anything.
Yep, Im the Human. Made a couple of deals with the [Archmages] after my talk with the [Dean]. I will release a lot of knowledge on old magic and Cantrips to the public. In return, they will vouch for me and protect my reputation, so to say. Long story short, Im not a criminal anymore. And even before, for your information, I was challenged to the death. They made me do it. The only person I almost killed who didnt want to get killed like an idiot was the Vanedeni guy, the disciple of [Princess] Vrith.
Adrastus is the one who immediately reacts violently to the news. He jumps on his feet, taking out a wand and pointing it at me.
I mean, man, no offense, really but do you think you could do anything to me when I put Appius to fertilize the sweet ground of the academy?
You are a traitor! Adrastus exims.
In response, Anneus raises one of his crutches and smashes it on Adrastuss head, downing him in one go. See, when I say smash, I mean he almost broke the magically reinforced crutches.
Holy, I say while checking on Adrastus, whos clutching his head in pain.
Take a potion, I say while fishing out some superior stuff I still have from before the duels.
I dont want nothing to do
Anneus rains another blow on the poor man on the ground.
Anneus! I shout, you are going to kill him!
Fucking deserves it, Anneus nods, doesnt know you and reacts like that? Fuck him.
Jesus, pal.
Ok, ok. Dont worry. Adrastus wont say anything stupid again, right, Adrastus? I look at the man whos groaning in pain on the ground. He nods vaguely while contorting his face in several illustrations of pain.
After helping Adrastus up, I see that Zahra and Alba are pretty chill at the news. Marcellus looks at me in admiration, and thats a bit weird. The others have a pretty standard reaction, nothing much. People dont freak out like crazy in real life, it seems.
Had this been one of the Korean dramas that my mother likes so much, there would have been a hell of a reaction.
So, yeah, Im Joey Luciani, people.
How you doin? I add immediately.
You became a teacher? And you are also going to be a student? [Archmages] will attend your lessons? Anneus asks, putting in words what everyone is thinking. Its not even a real question; at this point, its more like asking for confirmation when something utterly absurd happens.
My little group is now basically a little celebrity clique. I told everyone that I would still participate in the group activities and that instantly made us famous. Students love school drama, and hell, Im basically Meteor Garden on steroids.
Yes to everything. [Archmages] wanted to be exonerated. But I told them that we were doing it my way. And guess what? They are so greedy for knowledge that they epted it. Cool, huh?
How did you not get murdered? Anneus asks, confused.
If push came to shove, I could probably kill an [Archmage]. Probably. Not sure at all. But I am definitely going to be the next big thing, the next super-strong [Archmage]. And you know why? I wink at them.
Everyone hangs on my words as if Im going to reveal God knows what arcane secret to ascending to Archmagery overnight.
Because Im too cool. Thats why.
You are Joey Luciani, Aurelia, the [Alchemist] responsible for the potions, speaks up. She has not interacted with us much so far, even after being put in our group. She has mostly stuck with Sabina, although she doesnt give me the impression of being shy.
The one and only, baby, I wink again.
My mom visited your bakery in Amorium, she says, stupefied. Shes an [Alchemist] and said that you have invented a new fermentation method for bread!
Oh, cool, cool, cool. I have a terrible memory, so Im sorry if I dont remember your mother. Did she say she enjoyed the food?
Well, shes been traveling all over the country, Aurelia sighs, but she did mention in her letters that she loved your food. She also said that she had to get out of Amorium or risk bing so fat she wouldnt be able to move around aboratory.
Oh, the biggestpliment for any [Baker] is seeing your clients get fat at your doing, I smile.
Just got an idea.
If I ever manage to go back to Earth, Id like to be known as public enemy number one to the Diabetologist Society. Or whatever the diabetes-curing people are called.
So, now what? Anneus asks, looking around the auditorium and the people trying to pile on top of each other to reach us.
I need to get somewhere else before we do anything. Meet you guys tomorrow at the lecture in the morning!
We have no lessons tomorrow morning, Sabina mumbles.
Well, whatever. Come to my house, then! Ill make some treats for all of you. Promise!
I look at a colossalpound with tons of people gathered from all over. Its right in front of the Adventurers Guild, on the opposite side of the street. Delicious smells areing from it. I put a cigar in my mouth and take Princess Bianca in a regal Princess-carry.
Hell, do you think they forgot about me? I say, only half-joking.
The pig squeals loudly and shakes her head.
One can only hope, I sigh and go inside the ce.
As soon as I put a foot in the humongous bakery, Im overwhelmed by its whiteness not in a racist way and its refined style. But it also has a kind of woody feeling that makes everything feel cozy; this way, the ragged adventurers dont look too out of ce, but it also makes the ce look incredibly elegant.
Looking at the counter, I recognize a woman who used to be homeless. I absolutely do not remember her name, as you would expect from me. But I remember she was a terrible [Baker], and we decided to put her at the counter. It happened around the time Stan disappeared on me.
Oof, man.
Feels weird.
I walk up to the counter with the white Wallorian Treasurer in my hands and smile.
Hello, this ce sucks. Can I speak with your manager?
The woman looks at me with a confused expression at first, but when she takes a better look, she almost doubles over.
FOR ALL THE ROTTING LEAVES!
I swear they make up these expressions on the spot. It cant be a thing,e on.
Agrippina, stop shouting at the customers!
An angry Camies out of a door that seemingly appeared out of nowhere, all covered in flour. When she sees me, she goes: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
No exmation point, for some reason.
I give her a custom-made Luciani-trademark wink and smile toothily.
Sup,dy? I know Im handsome, but we are in a workce; cant you keep it down? Other people here are trying to work
Cami tackles me so violently that I feel the air punched out of me. Oof, she punched me in the stomach too. Oof, another punch.
YOU?! WHAT ARE
Oh, shit, the news of mying was propagated to the Watch, right? But the Watch didnt have a reason to alert my friends, I guess.
Cami, girl, you put on weight, please, I say while trying to remove her from atop of me. Princess Bianca, the smartest in the room, jumped away from my arms and up to the counter the second she saw Cami charge.
Cami! What are you doing to that customer minias words die in her throat when she sees me winking at her while my face is still red from the pain of soaking all the blows from the angry-crying Cami.
Nice buns, I say, looking at the tray the woman carries in her hands.
JOEY?!
Oh, shi
minia throws away the tray in a very irresponsible act of food wasting and jumps on top of me as well, crying immediately.
You came to Amorium thest time, and you didnte to us?! she punches my stomach, helping Cami, who was keeping up with her murder attempt.
If you let me get up, I could exin
WHO IN THE HIGHEST TREES IS MAKING ALL THIS NOISE?!
Clodiaes out of the kitchen with a long wooden spoon while a bewildered audience is still catching up with whats happening.
With a little bit of physical prowess and a lot of magical intervention, I remove both Cami and minia from atop of me and dust myself off.
Yo, Clodia, I smile, I hope you ran the ce tightly in my absence.
What are you doing here? Clodia looks almost scared for me.
Im back, baby, I smile. Got all the chargesdo you call them charges? The usations? Whatever it is. The nobles who wanted me to drop dead? Got them all to fuck off because I allied with some [Archmages]listen, it doesnt matter. Im back. Thats all. Ill teach at the Nine Towers Academy, but Ille back almost every day to be sure things are running smoothly. I mean, as soon as I figure out the spell myself, that is. You know, spatial magic is a huge pain in the ass. And the Mana cost! Hell, Ill need a ritual. Catalysts. Stuff. It will be expensive. But Im rich, I think. Also, are we making money here? How much money do you owe me again? And what was the split? Hell, I forgot a lot of stuff.
As Im speaking, I see two figures stumble through the kitchen door with wide mouths and nearly frozen.
Hehe, my two managing [Chefs], I smile at Tiberius and Quintus.
We got the recipe you sent secretly, Tiberius says while his fake leg cks on the floor.
Hope you managed to make it. Im in the mood for a Mimosa.
The two adults, both veterans of war, both ex-homeless, and both my favorite employees, start tearing up as they look at me.
So, you are back? Quintus says, trying to hide the only eye where tears cane from.
Yeah, Im back, baby, I say, starting to feel the sting in my eyes too.
Theres nothing worse than seeing strong men like those two cry.
For Christs sake, stop crying, I say with a sob, and I hug them both, hell, I hate you both.
We missed you, [Chef], Tiberius says, hugging me tightly.
Fucking idiots, grown-ass men crying like babies, I say while putting my head over Tiberius''s shoulder.
I was wrong.
I am home.
I have friends who miss me.
I have people ready to fight for me.
Life aint so bad after all.
Chapter 220: Mimosa
Chapter 220: Mimosa
I look at the cake with a clinical eye.
Unlike the stupid drink that people with a mid-life crisis and women seem to enjoy, the mimosa cake is a truly hardposition. It has many keyponents that you cannot get wrong. Thats why it took several pages of instructions to make it possible for them to recreate this beautiful piece of Italian patisserie.
See, the mimosa cake takes its name after the flower. The mimosa drink probably has somemon etymology with the flower too. In Italy, the mimosa flowers are given to women on Womens Day, the 8th of March. Its a weird-looking, puffy flower whose price spikes terribly on that day. A piece of advice, never get a girlfriend or a date around that date its like Valentines Day all over.
Hell, I wonder how men get tricked into these festivities. I imagine that one day a woman said, you know what, in February, we celebrate love and you, filthy man, shall cover me with roses and gifts. And then, some stupid, damned man epted. But who are we kidding? Everyone would have epted whatever nonsense their woman spouted, given that said woman was hot enough. Or that you were in love with her. But, for practical reasons, I assume such a woman would have to be ferociously attractive.
Anyway, you recreate the little puffy spheres, characteristic of the yellow flowers, with what Italians call Spanish Bread, or, in theirnguage, Pan di Spagna. Its a variation of what youd call sponge cake. You cut three disks of this cake base to serve as the cakeyers, like with many other cakes. Until that point, you would think, well, this is easy! And you would be so wrong.
First of all, the cake base is the most challenging. I loatheplex cakepositions. A cake that weighs more than a few pounds has no right to be called a cake. And if you like to make weird sculptures with sugar paste, you deserve to be whipped. You want to be a sculptor? Do that. But cake-making should aim for taste and elegance. The fact that someone on a TVwork saw a horrendous rendition of whatever cinematic idiocy kids consume in batches and decided to make a show out of it speaks tons about how depraved our society has be.
Its like making bread in the shape of a penis. Why would you do that?
Have you ever thought that French people might be, on average, more effeminate because they eat bread in the shape of a penis?
But lets go back to the cake and not speak of those disturbing creatures anymore.
So, the cake base is everything. For example, have you considered that since the mimosa flower looks so puffy, you might want a lighter touch for the cake base? Portuguese people have this thing they call Po-de-L a variation of the Italian Spanish Bread with lemon or orange vor. But the point is, if you have a yellow cake that is supposed to resemble a goddamn fluffy yellow flower, you dont want to turn it into an uncouth pound cake, do you?
Im also trying to avoid the term sponge cake here. First of all, why would you call a cake spongy? Who the hell came up with that? No disrespect to my countrymen, but Jesus Christ, stop piling upyers of cake with different fillings and calling it cake.
Its the same with chocte, but lets keep that for a different conversation. If I start ranting about the differences between European and American chocte, I might lose my shit very fast.
So, back to the mimosa.
I cut a slice out of Tiberiuss version after examining the cake on a rotating te.
The petals are outstanding, I look at the puffiness of the little pieces of Spanish Bread that were cut to resemble the flowers. Petals is not the perfect definition, but well get into thatter.
I gently touch one of the flowers/petals and feel its extreme softness. I slowly peel one away and put it in my mouth to see whether its too soft. You dont want the petals to be too sugary and numb your pte. You also dont want them to be too inconsistent. Why? Well, because they are the first thing that touches your pte, and you need some tactile enjoyment from food.
When the petal hits my tongue, I frown.
Too spongy, I say to an embarrassed Tiberius.
Sorry, [Chef].
I wave a hand and take a better look at the petals.
You didnt use anything to wet them a little? No liquor?
Tiberius shakes his head and looks at the ground.
Well, they came out spongy. If you had given them some wetness, you might have saved the consistency. As they are now, its probably toote to wet them. If you did it now, they would be too crumbly. So, you are stuck with a spongy and dry feeling on the exterior, Tiberius. The petals are your introduction to the client; you dont want to botch them this way.
We are in the kitchen. Everyone has stopped what they were doing. Clients, [Bakers], and [Chefs] who were hired after I disappeared, the people who know me, and Princess Bianca. Everyones here. I even left my cigar outside to avoid tainting the food with the smoke.
Im sorry, [Chef], Tiberius erupts into a Japanese-style bow.
I cut another slice because I forgot to test the overall consistency of the base. The knife slides in without resistance.
The base seems to have the right consistency, Tiberius. But I can see that theyers are a bit too thin. Did you
Im sorry, [Chef], Quintus says from behind. We couldnt manage to get theyers to be the consistency you described. Even with our skills
Quintus, did you say skills? I turn to look at him with a frown, slightly angry.
Im sorry, [Chef], the man bows his head, embarrassed.
Excuse me, a guy I have never seen beforees forward, I have tasted these cakes myself. They are a wonderful example of baking. What is wrong with it? And what about skills? Tiberius and Quintus are two very high-level individuals; shouldnt they use
I m a hand on the table.
Quintus, I say, do you mind exining it to this person?
Using skills to enhance aposition is encouraged. But using skills to cut corners is just a mark of sloppiness. We are allowed to use skills only after mastering a cake. Making something even better is not something we should be ashamed of, but our Chef can make this cake without a single skill. The fact that we had to use skills and shortcuts to make something resembling the original recipe means that we failed him in more than one way.
We are deeply ashamed, Tiberius says.
For once, I approve of their dramatic behavior.
Come on, Joey, Cami takes a step forward, but Tiberius immediately intercepts her.
No! The Chef is right! We take pride in our work! And if we treat our work like this, we dont deserve to work here!
Cami, I dont want to sound mean, but it is one thing to fail after having tried, and it is another thing to cut corners to achieve a subpar result. I dont want cakes that do not respect the minimum standards to be for sale. And Ill personally inspect each and every bakingposition in this shop. After Im done checking out these mimosas, obviously. If I find anyone cutting corners, well remedy that. Together. But from now on, we do things like I say. This is still my bakery, isnt it?
I mean. I know its not ideal to behave like this. These people kept this whole operation up while I was on the other side of the continent. But once you have spent enough time in kitchens, you know how to deal with these problems. The quality of the food that you see on the table in a restaurant is equal to the lowest level you allow it to be in the kitchen. The weak link is where the chain will break, always. And if you allow too many weak links, even weaker links will form. Discipline in a kitchen is quintessential. You are a literal chain of production.
So, moving on, I say to Tiberius while taking a spoonful of the whipped Chantilly Cream filling inside the cake.
The cream has been slightly vored with lemons, and, Tiberius, what is this?
Lemons and kuvillinae, Chef. Its a fruit used in traditional celebrations and rituals as an auspice of female fertility. It has a very dense and deep taste, Chef. I mixed it with lemon peel and let it rest an entire night before filtering it and mixing it with the cream.
Impressive, I say with sincere appreciation, you might want to experiment a bit more until the lemon and the kuvillinae vors are bnced. But this is good. Very good.
Now, I spoon a bit of cake into my mouth, together with the yellow petals of Spanish Bread on the outside. The overallposition has a light but definite taste. Tiberius and Quintus are both very promising [Chefs], obsessed with details and perfection. I dont me the couple that much. They probably feltpelled to seed at making a Mimosa as soon as possible. But the truth is that a lot of baking expertisees from experience. If you are an ungodly talent, you can only shorten the cycle of iterations needed to bake such a cake. But you certainly cant skip the necessary steps altogether.
Even the greatest chefs, when confronted with an unknown recipe, can only draw from other experiences. And they can totally fake being proficient on the spot. But the truth is that they are not. Even a slight change in the portion size alters the final result. Even cooking in spaghetti with some butter can be considered high-level cooking if you are looking for the perfect result. And if you add more spaghetti than you are used to, you will undercook or overcook them; if you are a great chef, you can only reduce the mistakes to a minimum, but it will still be a guessing game.
Quintus, bring me yours.
The man with a white eyepatch brings me the same cake with trembling hands.
I notice that the outside is identical. The cake base too.
When I taste the cream, though, I find a tangy note in it.
You mixed caramel in the cream?
The surprise is so big that I forget to analyze the taste, and I identally swallow. I take another spoonful under Quintuss sweating scrutiny.
Ok, exin this to me, Quintus. Did you mix the sugar and the lemon juice before? And you made that into what, little denser streaks inside the cake?
Yes, Chef. I was really worried about the thickness of the base. So, to add to the sensory experience on the tongue, I added streaks of lemon-vored caramel-based thick cream.
I look at the cream and decide simply to bite into a spoonful of the thing. I cant judge this cream on its own.
You made a bold choice, Quintus, I say while savoring the weirdposition, but you could have done many other things. Unfortunately, the caramel is taking over the taste. Caramel is a devil to tame, and you should know better.
I look at the two failed cakes and get an idea.
You know what? Get me an apron. Lets re-bake some of this together.
Chapter 221: A True Master
Chapter 221: A True Master
I slowly mix some eggs and sugar.
In my parents country, the women want their Spanish Bread as soft as it can possibly be to achieve that, they whisk the eggs with the sugar for a prolonged period. They first whisk the whites and slowly, really slowly add the sugar. If you taste a homemade cake in that country, chances are it will be softer than a bakery-made one. Why? Because housewives have all the time in the world when they are bored. The hasty ones make harder cakes. Obviously, theres more than one way you can control how hard your base will be, Tiberius, I look at my assistant on the right.
And, Quintus, I look to my left, its normal for something to go astray in the process. The most important thing is to know how to remedy it. No recipe is ever the same. But you have to aim for perfection, not just the reduction of mistakes made. So, you have to know which steps will control the various aspects. Can you tell me how many things we can use to control the hardness of the cake base?
I see the two slightly panic at the question.
You have to think in advance when working. If you dont, how will you be able to remain in control? Again, recipes are always different. Its like a river if you get in one time, its the same river your father bathed in 20 years ago, but its also a different river from the one your skin will touch tomorrow. Horace teaches us that.
The [Woodworker], Chef?
What? The woodwhatever. No. A [Poet], Tiberius.
I activate the magical whisks and let the whites slowly rise, watching them in silence.
This is one of the steps. How fast you add the sugar will influence how soft it will be. And since its the first step, you want to get it as soft as possible. We will work toward the desired hardness throughout the rest of the recipe.
With great patience, I start adding little amounts of sugar as if no one was watching me. What I like about baking is that its a meditative process. Its like performing a great feat of athletics. It brings you to a flow state like no other. It makes your head move.
The people who watch TV while cooking should burn, I swear. Some light chatter is good, but you want to give your head some time to breathe. It has to stay fresh while baking, ready to react at the perfect moment.
Now, another step is whisking the yolks. This step is even more important. It is at this point when thezy ones make a cake base as hard as a brick and dense. Christ, theres nothing more disgusting than an exceptionally dense cake base sadly, this is way moremon than people realize.
I hear some scribbling on paper and parchment behind me. People are taking notes of my words. Good. Spreading good baking practices will make me sleep more soundly at night; hopefully, no nightmares of rainbow cakes will haunt me.
If you ever baked a rainbow cake, take a page from Ss from the Da Vinci Code and start flogging your back in repentance. Your sins will never be excused, but you might find the pain educational.
You have to beat the yolks to death. Anything less than fifteen minutes of screaming with arm cramps means you didnt do it correctly. So, both of you, start whisking manually.
Yes, Chef, they chorus.
Some say you must whisk until you can write on the mixture of yolks and sugar. I say thats stupid. You have to feel the overallposition with your hands. Thats why you never use magic for this step. You do it with your own hands. And you teach your assistants to do the same. Why? Because if you use automatic whiskers, you might not realize that theres an uneven distribution of density. The irregr and asymmetrical movements of your hands will help reach a more even distribution instead. And you can feel it. Never trust skills. Use your own senses. Thats the one thing we can truly trust in this world.
I watch the two men stoically endure the whisking process without flinching. They are staring at the yolks so hard that Im actually a bit sorry for those dead chicken fetuses.
It takes a while before they look certain that theirposition is up to my standards. But when I delicately pour it on the whites, they both panic.
Chef! Chef! Dont you have to check?!
I trust you both. And Ill be able to feel the consistency while mixing. Pass me the wooden spoon.
An audience gathered to assist the criminal Human who suddenly returned to his bakery, who threw everything askew, and told the two most dedicated and talented [Chefs] in Amorium that they had absolutely no idea what they were doing.
I hum to myself while mixing thepound. I also add some very finely grounded lemon peel, and thats it. I dont want any other vors to overtake theposition apart from some light lemon touch.
You can eliminate some of the air you injected during the yolk-whisking at this point. That is, if you think that the mix will be too soft. To me, it feels alright. Now, we slowly add flour and starch flour. But not too slowly. This is a crucial step. If you are too slow, you will do too many movements with your wooden spoon and that means the air will slowly escape. If you are too hasty, though, you will create an uneven base; also, you will have to mix too much, which, as already said, will make the base much harder and denser. It takes a lot of time and practice before you master this. But since youll need a base for every cake, you will learn to get a feel for all the different details.
Ill not go in-depth on the ingredients because I wrote about that in my instructions already. Hell, you could publish a damn book just about the right mixing techniques, the properties of the single ingredients, and so on.
Its important to remember something, I say, there are two methods. One is cold, and the other is warm. I use the cold one because I feel more in control. It takes longer, and its much harder to obtain the right softness without a lot of work, but its also safer. A me can help hasten the process, but a me is never perfectly controlled unless you have skills for it.
As soon as Im done mixing, I slowly pour it into two pans and gesture to Tiberius and Quintus.
Joey? Where is the yeast? Are you going to use skills to make it rise? minias voicees from the crowd.
Nope. This doesnt rise. The softnesses from how you mixed the eggs for so long and how you didnt destroy that work with a wooden spoon. Yeast has a strong vor. Too strong. You can use yeast for somepositions, but you absolutely cannot in this case.
Now, Quintus, Tiberius, I dere, lets put your ideas together. Im going to need some magic here to manipte the ingredients better. You can build tools to do this, though.
While the base was cooking, I had the two make some caramel and whip up some Chantilly-based lemon whipped cream. And a kuvillinae one.
So, what we are going to do is make caramel beads. They are going to act as a coating for
I raise a tiny globe of the cream made of lemons and kuvillinae.
The caramelyer is going to be insanely thin. It will melt on the tongue. Listen, the cake bases wont be too tall, so we will use twoyers. We will shape it with the petals and a thickeryer of cream on top. But the cream will be barely lemony. The vor wille from the beads hidden in the topyer of cream. We cant have the beads in the middleyer because they would be squished. And ideally, you want to ce them so that the Chef can cut the cake without breaking the beads. The beads should melt in the mouth. Or, in the worst case, break against the teeth. That shall give us a
What is he even saying? Cami whispers.
Silence! Quintus shouts to the back. Chef, please, go ahead. Do you want to use the beads to create some more thickness, a pseudoyer?
I smile. Hell, these two have not seen me for quite a bit, but they still know how I think.
Yep. Thats what we are going to do.
I slowly model each bead individually, maneuvering the caramel with magic and pouring it on a globe of lemon and kuvillinae cream. I keep them separated, barely mixing them together. God, this will be a masterpiece. Tiberius and Quintus had excellent ideas.
If theyer of caramel is thin enough, and we keep it in its sugary form without enhancing its vor, its going to help amplify the lemons and kuvillinae.
Now, after cutting one of the two bases into petals, we slowly wet it with some light liqueur that women love. Maybe something a bit tangy. And we use just a little brush of it. Then, we raise the temperature in the oven and bake the petals again for a few minutes, which will have them reach the perfect consistency.
I dry some of the sweat on my face and exhale.
The Mimosa is one of the hardest cakes to master. Its insanelyplex to make it so that its not just another ordinary stupid cake that tastes like every other mediocre baking concoction in the world.
We had to use a few cooling runes and a couple of other tricks to speed up the process. I still have to go back to the academy before its night; that means I cannot let everything cool naturally. But its still in the realm of things that shouldnt have too big of an impact on the final product. Sure, its better to let everything rest for a while, but magices in handy from time to time, doesnt it?
Go ahead, I gesture to Quintus and Tiberius. They both seem to be looking at the cake in awe, scared even to touch it with a knife. Cut it and taste it.
Chef, are you sure? Quintus asks, looking at the beautiful, bright yellow cake. Its puffy thanks to its yellow petals and has a strong impact on the eyes. Its the kind of cake that you want to stand out women like lively colors. This cake is the equivalent of a diamond in the bakery world.
Sure. Go ahead. Cakes are made to be eaten, Quintus. Cut it up and tell me if the caramel spheres have melted or if they are too crunchy when its in your mouth. That should tell us if I made them thin enough.
Ideally, the caramelyer should be almost indistinguishable.
After they both fumble with the knife for a minute, I take over and slice the cake.
Cami and the others. Do you want to taste it? You already tried theirs, right?
They all nod multiple times and take some tes from a cupboard.
I start distributing slices, careful not to break the caramel beads. Thats probably the most challenging thing so far. The cream has shifted a little, meaning I lost the exact perception of where I should have cut it. But, as with all things, its still food. A few beads break here and there, making the cream a bit darker, like little stains. But thanks to the petals, you can barely see it.
So, the cake is low on purpose. If you can, try to fit it in your mouth vertically to enjoy the full experience.
People around me start shoving huge pieces of cake in their mouths, not having understood exactly what I just said. But all is good. This is good. I am good.
I missed them.
A lot.
I missed them much more than Im even willing to admit.
Cami goes pale when she tastes the cake and looks at me in bewilderment.
You didnt use any skills?
Nope. I dont have a [Baker] ss, remember? I used some magic to help keep the caramel thin. I made a littlewhatever, its not important. No, I didnt use any skills.
They all eat in silence, exchanging nces and nodding slightly.
If I did not know the culinary world, Id be nervous. I was nervous when I was dueling people, even though I wielded great magic, unattainable for most. But magic is something I started doing here by chance. Baking, instead well, you know I graduated high school early, and I didnt attend college, right? I went abroad to study under the masters, to learn from the greatest who usually never ept an apprentice as young as me without an insane reference letter from fellow starred chefs.
And the reason I never stayed in a starred kitchen for too long is quite simple.
Theres space for only one master in a kitchen.
Chapter 222: Lessons and Lessons
Chapter 222: Lessons and Lessons
Sometimes I find myself thinking about what people want, how their lives should turn out. I remember, from when I was a child, people saying that their crush would one day be their wife, that they would marry, and live happily ever after. Its silly. Or we think it is until we realize its what happens to each and everyone of us, day in and day out.
Some people y a major role in our lives for a few hours, days, maybe months hell, it could be years! But then, they disappear. They fade into the background to never return again. Or maybe theye back, but are detached, not part of the main story anymore. They return like little dregs of the past, little pieces of mncholia that should remind us to look forward, never backwards. This would be grounds for a great pun, Im sure like when behind is mentioned in the presence of a seven years old.
When I look back at all the women Ive canoodled with or that I could have canoodled with, an important addendum I wonder what made them disappear from my life so fast. How does it happen that one day someone slips away, just like that.
Do you know who Im talking about?
Yeah, its a Princess and not the one that walks on four legsas far as I know.
What happened there? For real, I would love it if my brain could suddenlye up with an exnation for what the hell just happened in my life. I mean, I did live a couple of rtionships -gossip girl. But then, shouldnt I learn at some point? Shouldnt it get to me that maybe finding stability is better than proposing marriage to a [Princess] just because it sounds fun?
And dont get me wrong, Laura is definitely quite the looker and the brain. Once you go beyond the genocidal intentions that she carries in her back-pocket, shes a very smart woman. Rarely do I find myself connecting intellectually with someone like I did with her. But still, couldnt I just stop living in my head? I mean, couldnt my head stop projecting all these fairy tales and bookish, fictional scenarios where I do something absurd and it ends well?
Look, it took a [Professor] job to start living normally again. The most boring of things to be a person, to reinstate the illusion of sanity. Isnt life wonderful, huh? You go and do all that weird stuff, get powerful, and then your mental health slowly deteriorates. Thats why they made up boring jobs, I guess.
Now, the question is, would the same happen if I chose to pursue a greater path on Earth? Like, what was I actually doing wrong? What should I do better in the future? Am I doomed not to be able to ramp it up ad libitum? Or should I just alternate high intensity craziness with some stability? Is it about the support? Is it about exercising three times a week?
Whats the secret of living life in a way that you can casually hero around?
And who decided that heroine should be called horse in ng? And what about heroines, as in fictional female characters that do heroic stuff. How do they contend in poprity with a drug that you can just inject in your arm and be happy?
I pull out a cigar and bite into it gently before cutting it.
I take in the earthy vor, the spices that seem to have been mixed in it or whatever fragrance is in it.
I look down at the table and raise my eyes to the clock on the wall. I have a lesson in a few hours. For the first time in a long while, I have slept like a baby. My head just hit the pillow and boom, done. And since we do not have any lessons in the morning today, I didnt worry too much. I woke up naturally and started working on the [Teleport] spell.
When you look at a [Fireball]s spell matrix, you can still make out the individualponents, at least at my level of understanding. [Advanced Mana Sense] means I can see almost everything. But [Teleport], even in its simplest form, is an insanelyplicated spell. And, apparently, there are multiple versions of it; this means that you can achieve the same result withpletely different spells.
From what Lord Juler told me, it will take a while for me to master this spell. He said he would be supremely surprised if I managed to learn it in any decent amount of time. The fact that the book is not giving me much homework and letting me do my things, however, means that the Omnium Compendium seems to know that Im keeping up with my studies. This artifact is so damn weird, I swear.
Anyway, a [Fireball] matrix is readable. Theres the propulsion mechanism, the transmutation to fire. Then, the bindings for the shape and something that unravels the bindings and lets the [Fireball] explode. Thats pretty much it. its still fairlyplicated since [Fireball] is a tierwhat tier is it, again? Two? Three? Id like to say two based on some other matrixes I know, but whatever.
This stupid spell is tooplicated.
I cant even visualize the [Teleport] spell. Its too many moving parts. My brain justgs or crashes or whatever aputer does when it doesnt have enough processing power.
You might want to anchor some parts of the spell, meh, meh, meh, I imitate Lord Julers voice.
But the old goat is right. This spell is beyond me. Even if my level is very high and Im extremely specialized. Light Magic? Hell, I can fry your brain with it. Anything else? I still do not have the [Telekinesis] skill. How is that even possible, huh?
I hear a tap and I turn to the window in my room.
A cloaked man waves at me.
Wait a second, I tell the guy, starting to deactivate the protection wards against assassins all Vriths work, yeah. But I can at least switch them on and off. Just by studying these wards I could probably be a much better [Mage]. Imagine what Lucinda is learning, right?
No, wrong.
But I dont feel like exining it since Robin is still tapping on the stupid window.
Yeah, yeah,e in, I tell the guy with a sigh. Dont Elves use mailboxes? Cant you just drop the stuff somewhere and I pick it upter?
Someone is nervous, the man with Vanedeni blood says, but no. Sensitive reports and intelligence should always be handed over in person.
And the boss of thewhats the name of your people again?
Fellows of the Ring, Robin raises a hand heavy with rings to apany his response.
I snort.
Yeah, those. Why is the boss here? Cant send one of your goons?
I wanted to meet the new [Professor] of the Nine Towers Academy who had all the nobles in this kingdom bite their tongues after his academic coronation. And I hear that [Archmages] will be present at todays lesson too.
I shouldnt be surprised that this man knows all this stuff, but it still has an effect on me.
Are you any good at hand-to-hand fighting?
Thats the kind of information you would have to pay a lot of money to get, Robin smiles.
I need someone to spar with, I say while looking back at the diagram on my table and yawning. Should I go to the Adventurers guild or do you have other rmendations?
Robin drops the jovial attitude to turn back to his usual business demeanor.
There are some hand-to-hand experts here, but nowhere near the amount you would find in the capital. The Adventurers Guild is not good. I can provide you with a list of potential candidates willing to spend some time fighting with you. Do you have a weapon of choice?
[Light Lance]
While I bring a hand to my mouth to quench a yawn, I materialize a [Light Lance] in my right hand.
This?
Magical mixed with physical, the man frowns for a second. There might be someone, but I advise against it.
Just do it, I say while making thence disappear. I need some fighting experience. Next time I face someone, I dont want to be sitting ducks.
I could spar in my head with Lord Juler until not too long ago, but thats not an option anymore. I could ask him to let me practice a spell to continue that weird mental-sparring-shadow-boxing thingy, but I think that some hand-on experience might be best.
Robin sighs and nods.
Have you upset anyone in the underworld? Many probes have gone out for your name even before Ariostus presented you to the academy.
I dont think so?
Someone with great leverage and unknown even to me has been gathering information on you. Including where you live and what kind of protections your house has. Its standard for anyone in this business, but the fact that I cant trace it back to the source worries me.
Wait a second, I say with a frown. Maybenah, it cant be.
I look at the field where I asked to practice. Its simr to the arena where I fought my duels, but mainly used for practical lessons. Now, the reason I asked to hold my lessons here is that I foresaw many peopleing and I didnt want to overcrowd my ssroom.
But what Im looking at is barely half the people that were usually in the Advanced Cantrips ss.
What the hell is going on?
Ariostus, whose with many other professors,es to greet me while people start forming little groups.
Some families are pulling their students from the academy because of you. Theres been talks of even disbanding the Nine Towers Academy.
Haters gonna hate, I yawn, looking at my audience and walking forward.
I even spot [Archmage] Titus hovering in the air and I wave a hand in his direction. The Elf is so kind to nodslightlyinreturn.
Sometimes I wish I could throw rotten tomatoes at people. But well, it is what it is, isnt it?
So, I p my hands and slightly enhance my voice to reach everyone.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
First lesson of the real Advanced Cantrips. There have been some dropouts who think that I cant teach or that admitting me is a shame or whatever. Dude, imagine how stupid that is. So, first lesson of the first lesson is, A future [Archmage] shouldnt be an idiot. Even if you absolutely hate me, just stay for the first few lessons. Why? Because if Im the real deal, youve just missed out on real magic because of racism. Speciesism. Whatever. We have [Archmages] among us, I say pointing at Titus and a few other spots in the air.
Some of them are using [Invisibility] and wards to avoid detection because they are ashamed of being here. But they are still here, arent they? So, the question is, if [Archmages] gave this a shot, why shouldnt a bunch of hormonal teenagers too?
I take out a cigar and a chair from my bag of holding. Im not doing this standing, people. And also, I cant smoke cigars around bakery products. So, I have topensate for that.
So, thats the first thing to keep in mind. The right attitude toward magic is as important as magic itself. I was beaten blue when I was learning the stuff that Im going to teach you. If I skipped practice, I risked dying. I barely managed to get through all the exercises my master gave me. And I had a deadline. So, to make things interesting, you will have a deadline as well.
I look at the host of professors and the [Dean] when somethinges to my mind, and I gesture at Ariostus toe closer to me. The man frowns and looks around before stomping his way up to me.
Yo, do we have semesters? Like, how long is a schoolsession? Six months? Eight months? What do you do here? When are the final exams? I say after deactivating the enhanced voice for a second.
Year-long, the man replies, confused.
Oh, cool. But they have midterms to keep studying here, dont they? Mh.
So! I reactivate the voice enhancement, Ill give you three months to master the first twenty-three Cantrips properly. Well take it from there when you manage to do so.
Chapter 223: Grab the Boob
Chapter 223: Grab the Boob
So, Ill give you three months to master the first twenty-three Cantrips properly. Well take it from there when you manage to do so.
I hear groans and people rolling their eyes as if I just said the stupidest thing in the world. Some people even start walking away. The [Archmages], though, dont even flinch. They know that Im the real deal. You cant fake your way into killing an almost-[Archmage]. I wait for the people walking away to clear up while I calmly puff on the cigar.
From what Ive seen, some people do know that there are more than 23 Cantrips. However, no one I personally know has ess to them. But what people seem to ignore is that the Cantrips that you are practicing are just a pale imitation of what they are really supposed to be. Huh, speaking of which, lets have the three months start after you have learned the one skill you really need for this course. So, once weve learned about the requisites, you will be able to make your way through magic. As you know, many people are skeptical of telling or even just showing! others how they cast [Light]. Unless you have a supreme mastery over magic, though, you are just being petty. There are no great secrets that you can glean from just looking at the casting process. Can anyone tell me why?
I hear a sea of murmurs, and the students start looking at each other. Titus looks at me with interest but stays silent as well. I bet that the [Archmages] probably know the answer, but for the students, it will be much tougher. The kind of knowledge I was blessed with, thanks to the book, is not public domain. Not most of it, at least. Once you be a stronger and more knowledgeable [Mage], you probably stumble upon many concepts like this one. But before then? You are wading through a dark jungle.
So, before my brain is full of spiderwebs, let me answer for you.
I take out a ratherrge ckboard and chalk from my bag of holding. The t ck surface starts hovering in ce a neat trick made possible through an enchantment. I draw a stickman and a simple aura around him.
Even if you could actually see Mana with an advanced skill, you would just see a spell matrix. So, even if you tried to spy on an [Archmage], you would only see a superplex matrix forming out of thin air. You cannot see the intention, the method through which the [Mage] is casting because of his own
I look at the aura, trying to remember if Lord Juler had given it a proper name.
This aura, I say, every [Mage] has a personal field of magic. I mean, everything does, really. But [Mages], for obvious reasons, have a much stronger field. Even though we dont really know how casting works and sure, its choke-full of theories out there we can specte that it has something to do with our own field of magic. Its the same thing that makes it impossible to just coagte someones blood from afar or telekically rip their heart out of their chest. You can use a [Forcebolt] to kill someone, yes, but you cannot materialize a spell matrix inside an aura. Not really, at least.
I scratch my chin while looking at the ckboard and wonder what kind of knowledge would better serve the students. Is this enough before we move on to practice?
So, this aura is mostly imprable to magic and prying eyes. Simple as that. So, dont be a prick when someone asks you for advice on their magic. The day you be a [Supreme Archmagus], you might want to worry about others stealing your secrets. But before then? The chances of someone stumbling upon a new way of casting magic are exactly the chances of me staying here after having done so extremely low. And we are going to learn my way of casting magic.
Finally, a student raises his hand.
Professor, why would you give away a secret like that if you are already teaching about Cantrips?
Many students turn with a death re at this honest soul as if such a question would make me reconsider.
[Archmage] Titus already knows a version of it. And my secrets lie within the domain of Light Magic. Those are secrets I will not give away. But casting for general spells? It will just make everyone a slightly better mage. But beware; it might also make you weaker. Its not assured that what I do will work for everyone else. Sadly, I can only divulge what I know. Even if some other people had other ways of casting, sharing them is their responsibility. Plus, this should make me famous enough, right? I mean, if Im about to divulge some great era-changing spell-casting, Ill be in the books, wont I? And do you know how fame works? Lots of chicks.
Every single student frowns.
What do you need chickens for, Professor? someone asks from the back.
That is such a good question, Iugh. But lets go back to magic, shall we?
So, I continue, looking back at the ckboard and drawing two circles with two smaller circles close to their center. Can anyone tell me what we are looking at?
I look over at my group, the people who have spent some time with me, and I wink at them.
Come on, people. What did I just draw?
I can see Anneus burying his face in his hands, and I immediately point at him.
That student seems to have guessed it! I shout.
As everyone turns to Marcellus, Anneus, and Amelia, who were standing right next to him, give him a wide berth, lest they get involved in this.
Marcellus seems very experienced with what I just drew, isnt he?
I hear some chuckles from the crowd.
So, Marcellus, what are we looking at? I ask the kid.
I have not formed a final opinion, Professor, Marcellus says with a tomato-red face.
Come on; Im sure you might be familiar with this, in some ways. Maybe a memory from when you were an infant, no? Nothing? Oh, whatever. We are looking at boobs.
As you would expect from Elven teenagers and kids from other races, most of them break into giggles. At least the males. The women are mostly looking at me with a t stare.
So, why did I draw a pair of boobs?
I draw a hand and an eye right below the boobs.
Do you know what happens when a blind man grabs a boob? Well, they feel a globe of fat, and thats it. A lot of the enjoyment in grabbing boobses from the visualponent. In a way, you could argue that a part of our existence is dedicated to looking for the better pair of boobs. The better the boob, the more you can feed your future children. Or something like that.
Thank God theres no Wikipedia and fact-checking these half-jokes here.
The point is, if you cannot touch the boob, you wont be able to enjoy the full experience. You are skipping steps, capiche? First, you look, appreciate the shape and form, and decide whether or not its worth the risk of talking to the opposite sex, and so on. But if you just grab it, its just soft fat. But if you do everything in order, even before actually putting your hand on it, you have already learned so much.
Also, theres nothing wrong with small sizes, okay? The world is beautiful because everyone is different or something like that.
The bigger the titty, the bigger the party.
That doesnt rhyme, does it?
Long story short, titties and spells are the same. If you cant see the spell matrix, you can only go so far. Our first lessons are going to be mostly practical. I was gifted a skill from my master, [Advanced Mana Sense].
Many go wide-eyed as I say the name of one of my skills, usually a taboo. This culture is really against revealing tricks to others.
So, yeah. I have a cool skill. Whoopsie, told you all. What now? Are you going to steal it? Come on, dont act like children. Lets normalize sharing stupid skills. Hell, you know what Im going to build a club to share skills and build skill-trees. That way, people can gun for skills. Oh, that will be a thing. Cool. Also, I could askwell, you dont need to know.
So, Ill train you all to learn [Mana Sense]. Without the skill, you will fail this ss. No chance of passing, trust me. If you can learn [Advanced Mana Sense] or greater variations, even better. I have no idea what the actual [Mana Sense] looks like. But Ive spoken with the Princess thats the Vanedeni Princess, Princess Vrith and she assured me that [Mana Sense] had been enough in the past for her. So, maybe with some effort, you might be as cool as her. As for bing as cool as me, there are not many chances of that.
So, do you have [Mana Sense]? I ask [Archmage] Titus and the other three [Archmages].
No one speaks. They just stare tly at me.
What are you even afraid of? Im asking because if you dont have the skill, you will need to practice. So, do you have it or not?
It turns out that Titus and the obese woman, Alonna, have the skill. The other two do not. Interesting that you can actually reach the [Archmage] status and ss without seeing spell matrixes. Honestly, I believe there might be something else there, some secret or intuition about it.
Well, people, Ill be going around and creating a spell that will run for an hour or so. Ill make three shapes in front of you. You will keep your eyes closed with a blindfoldor just keep them closed; its up to you, really. Ill have the [Dean] summon an [Enchanter] to make some tes for you to practice this in my absence and before the next lesson.
Ill show you what well be doing with the help of [Dean] Ariostus, who kindly volunteered for our practice. Dean! Come over, please!
As he approaches, I smile at my crowd of students. Theres nothing greater than the surprise on the face of people when you pull something tremendously stupid. And I dont know why exactly, but I like to judge people based on their reaction to something utterly ridiculous. If they dont stop to think that there might be something more to it, even for just a second, they are people I want nothing to do with.
Look, it makes sense to judge the book based on the cover, ok? Covers exist for a reason. I do judge people based on the cover as well. If you are dressed in rags and smell like a homeless person, you probably just work in a tech startup. I know its not good to profile people like this, but I always second-guess myself to avoid being too elitist. Who knows, maybe the people who dress like that and smell like theyve never taken a shower are simply homeless! There would be nothing wrong with that!
Well, [Dean].
[Light Shaping]
I consulted Lord Juler to make sure my idea would work. Apparently, it was the official training method for many people back then. Obviously, I gave it a very personal spin.
Ill materialize three objects. One is a simple cube of light. The two others will be extremely simr but slightly different. One of them is a pair of books with nipples. The other is an ass. Both are round objects, but the nipples are what truly make the two so different! So, the game is called grab the boob. You have to close your eyes and grab the correct floating object as they spin around you. If you can reliably grab the boob thanks to your heightened senses, you will probably get the skill!
Little Break
Little Break
Hello peeps, been having a small problem, I''ll be back posting next Tuesday with around 3 chapters a day until we reach chapter 250.
See ya, and in the meantime go read my new novel!
These are a bunch of characters to fill up the rest of the thing because the thing, the chapter, has to be 500 characters long!
Ostriches arerge flightless birds of the genus Struthio in the order Struthioniformes, part of the infra-ss Peognathae, a diverse group of flightless birds also known as ratites that includes the emus, rheas, and kiwis. There are two living species of ostrich: themon ostrich, native torge areas of sub-Saharan Africa and the Somali ostrich, native to the Horn of Africa. Themon ostrich was also historically native to the Arabian Penins, and ostriches were present across Asia as far east as Mongolia during the Late Pleistocene and possibly into the Holocene. Theyy thergest eggs of any livingnd animal. With the ability to run at 70 km/h (43.5 mph), they are the fastest birds onnd. They are farmed worldwide, particrly for their feathers as they are used as decoration and feather dusters. Their skin is also used for leather products. Ostriches are notable for being the heaviest living birds.
Chapter 224: Students
Chapter 224: Students
I have to give credit to Ariostus. Amid the studentsughing, he didnt even frown. He just went on with the exercise so rigorously that he sucked the fun away from it. I cant believe that this guy figured me out so fast. So, I proceeded to show all the students what they were supposed to do. Most are looking skeptical and are barely paying attention while I summon the three [Lights] around them and spin them.
See, I love this stuff. Some students clearly understand that even if it seems like a silly exercise, the fact that the nipples are the only different thing from the other [Light] makes the practice very difficult and efficient. They have noticed that theres something more profound here, something that goes beyond silliness. They recognized the importance of this training even if they were shooting their arms out to grab boobs made of [Light].
What I find most interesting about this is how most female students seem to have figured out the importance of this kind of training before their male counterparts. I guess that this isnt Columbia full of silly feminists. Also, I suppose that feminism has yet to be invented around here. If I recall correctly, Clodia, or maybe minia or maybe Cami I dont remember who told me, but female Elves are pretty much up there with male Elves in the social hierarchies of this country. The fact that most Elves have an excellent aptitude for magic makes for a more level ying field. Apparently, men still hold more power than women, muscle-wise, even with the same sses and skills. That is, obviously, purely based on a raw strength level. In this world, though, raw strength is not as useful as you would think. Otherwise, Dragons would rule it. Thats cool less disparity among men and women where it shouldnt matter.
I see Anneus scowling and huffing while doing the exercise I gave out to the ss. I summoned the [Lights] by the dozen, but I didnt exactly cross his path. Ie closer to him, trying to see why he looks so distressed. As I get near him, I can hear him murmur.
This is so stupid, he says with gritted teeth. That t-eared idiot.
Huh, someone badmouthing the [Professor] here? I should get a wooden paddle to p your scrawny ass, Anneus.
The guy almost jumps from his crutches. Yes, it looks as funny as it sounds. He stumbles for a second before looking over his shoulder and turning to look at me. Theres always the question of how much fun you can poke at a disabled person. Well, it depends on the disability, I guess. If the person has some kind of mental impairment that prevents them from fully understanding whats happening around them, its not a good thing. And also, as long as they are happy, why ruin it for them? Would you go to New Jersey and tell the people the truth about who they are and where they live? No, you wouldnt. Let them enjoy their little swamp,e on.
Wait, where was I going with this?
I dont remember.
ridiculous.
What?
I said, this is ridiculous, Joey!
Oh, thats the first time I hear you say my name, buddy. My real one, at least. Its fine, though. Anyway, whats wrong with the practice?
What do you mean whats wrong?
I mean, whats wrong? Dont you think its effective? Dont you see how it will bring results?
Results? Grabbing
If anyone thinks this is beyond them, they can go! I immediately shout to the rest of the ss. The two [Archmages] went back to their towers after my lesson. Not Titus and Alonna, but the other two whose names I cant recall. They are probably practicing behind closed doors, ashamed of being seen doing this exercise.
Some students, including the [Professors] who havee to practice, look uneasy. Grabbing boobs doesnt seem like their favorite sport. Who knows, maybe there are more ass-people here than I imagined.
Really, you can leave at any point. Maybe the [Dean], whos currently doing the exercise without flinching, can even call back the ipetent idiot who had you practice the same Cantrips over and over. Why not, right? So, all those who have a problem with me, theres the doormetaphorically, of course, we dont have a door.
I point back to the academy, turning right and left, waiting for someone to step away.
Smartly enough, no one does. Everyone, even those who wereining hell, even Anneus doubles their effort and focus. The guy, using only one clutch to stand and the other to grab the [Lights], simply ignores me.
I like that.
But what I like even more is the fact that even the most adverse people here seem to have understood the secret lesson of today: things are not always what they seem. Thats one of the things that made me a great chef. Always ask twice, always experiment, always doubt and believe. Its tiring, but it bears fruits very quickly. Always act as if the world had some secrets that no one has uncovered yet.
Joeysorry, Professor, I think I did it.
I turn to look at Alba, whos calling for me.
You did it? I ask, surprised. Yes. I can feel the magic. Its not easy, but I canI think.
Show me, Alba, please.
Many stop practicing to look at the shy Alba, blushing with her eyes closed. As soon as the [Light] boobs pass in front of her, she extends her furry arm and touches one, retracting the limb immediately, almost ashamed of her insane proficiency with magic. When she opens her eyes again, she looks at the ground, trying to ignore all the attention shes just attracted.
Man, the Ahalis are very proficient with magicwait, I think its the female Ahalis. Only the females. But if this is what the average talent looks like, I understand why they gave the Vanedenis so many problems. Also, better not mention this thought to Lord Juler.
Did you get the skill? I ask while walking toward her.
She nods in an awkward response, looking at the ground.
Well, I raise my voice with some Mana, all those who manage to get the skill before the next lesson will be given instructions to practice the Cantrips. If you have the skill, you can start your practice. If you want to try your hand at [Advanced Mana Sense], you will have to do that on your own. The [Advanced] in any skill is a personal and subjective achievement, from what I gather. Try to look deeper into magic, and you might just get it. How? I dont know! I cheated to get the skill!
A frustrated Amelia is still grasping at empty air when I approach her. The lesson is almost at its end, but the woman has not made an inch of progress. Shes just randomly waving her hands around, touching more than one [Light] at a time.
Yo, Amelia, are you sure you are trying to feel the magic? It looks like you are drunk or something.
My youngest son is much better at this than me, she says with an amused pose, putting her arms on her hips like any other mother.
Can you describe what you are trying to do?
Im trying to feel the Mana! Wasnt that what we were supposed to do?
Sure. But can you describe to me what you are doing? Like, how are you trying to feel the Mana?
I was trying to touch the Mana. Isnt that
What?
Touch the Mana?
What do you mean?
Like, feel the Mana with my hands. Isnt it like feeling the breeze on your skin? Have I been doing it wrong? her expression breaks into something uncertain, some deeper level of insecurity that she carries with her, hidden in her chest.
For all I know, it could be right. But if you dont have the right feeling from it, you can just try to imagine visualizing a spell matrix. Do you know how you have to picture a spell to cast it? And the better the mental representation, the better the spell? Well, try to focus on that feeling and just look. It should help.
She forcefully shuts her eyes while contracting over half the muscles on her face. Even her tongue peaks from her mouth as the effort apparently ramps up.
I see it! I see it! she shouts so loudly that I can hear multiple people groan.
You see it?
With eyes still shut, she moves her hand toward the boobs, mming them like a volleyball. Huh, I wouldnt want this woman to y with myyou understand.
HUH?! I GOT IT! I GOT THE SKILL!
Amelia starts jumping up and down, then runs to hug me. I return the hug, happy for her. She has gone through enough shit, and a little win can surely help, no matter how small.
Can you two shut up?!
Anneus! I made it! Amelia ends our hug and walks to the sulky Elf.
I dont care, Amelia! I dont give a bugs antenna about whatever you are doing! Leave me alone!
As Ameliaughs and clearly underestimates how frustrated Anneus is, she tries to touch his arm.
Wrong move.
Anneus whirls in ce and starts shouting,pletely beside himself.
LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
Amelia recoils from the overblown reaction, scared. Anneus has veins popping from his neck and forehead, with blood pumping wildly through them and bloodshot eyes. The funny thing is that I have Anneuss file, and I know his life is just as miserable as it looks, which is good news, actually. Why? Well, its not worse than it looks, and not even much, much worse than it looks.
I just
LEAVE ME
[Silence]
It''s funny how weird a person shrouded in a [Silence] spell looks.
Well, thats all for today. You can have breakfast before the next lesson or whatever. Youll have to wait until the academy can provide all the enchanted tes needed for this exercise.
I find many people boring. Super-boring, in some cases. It really depends, but I do hold some prejudice against how people talk and what their interests are. I cant help it. If I see you with the British fellows film or book t-shirt, Ill think that you are a hopeless nerd. I dont know. I have this contempt for some stuff that is really hard to shake off. I dont know how to exin it either.
When I was younger, I was even worse. I used to judge people like I judge books. Hell, worse than how I judge books. I gave books the benefit of the doubt but thats a privilege that I never dished out to people. Even today, I struggle to imagine what was right and what was wrong. Because what if people are boring? What if people are stupid? I have met people of all kinds and mindsets.
The biggest problem, though, is underestimating what someone is going through or has gone through. You see a woman skipping the line at the airport is she a mean bitch, or is she simply trying to catch a flight shes about to lose? And do you let her skip the line? Do you ask why she needs to skip the line?
Whos the real viin of the story when you assume everyone is a huge piece of shit? And, indeed, if you assume that everyone is, how do you live? What kind of wretched life are you conducting?
I look at an upset Amelia and bite my lower lip. Weve gathered for a snack and to discuss the history essay. But I also need to do something about Anneuss behavior.
Chapter 225: Melpomene, ACT I
Chapter 225: Melpomene, ACT I
Have you ever thought about the concepts of love and brutally murdering someone?
Instinctively, they seem strangely connected, right? Otherwise, there would be no crimes of passion as a legal definition. But this is not about the intrinsic connection between these two things. It is not about love and murder, but more like love and murder. Separate concepts that go and meet each other.
These words are relevant because we know about a guy who loves to love, whose entire life has been a long search for his other half. And this guy doesnt look for the other half as a teenager looks for two broken-heart pendants that, once put together, form a whole heart. No. Absolutely not. There are often simrities between silly and important things, but it has to be rified with no quarter that it is all about the intensity, the degree to which heor all of us, really, are affected.
Our guy has half a heart. He is the tale of someone who bleeds profusely every single time he tries to fit another half into his, just to be assaulted by excruciating pain by yet another poor match. Hes not looking to share a half-hearted pendant. No. Hes looking for what to described in his writings as a lost half, separated at birth, that continuously longs for another person because, for some, reality is too hard to endure on their own.
And so, among the sufferings so bleak that they are blinding, some choose to stay put, to wait. They know that if they ventured too far, they would bleed to death. They wait and try to fit their bleeding heart as soon as they see a potential candidate. And even if they are great souls, they might never be [Heroes] until the day their hearts are fixed.
Fixed.
What an ugly word, but its something that people refuse to ept that they are broken, that theres a fundamental part of them that will never work. And do you know what happens when a broken cog forces its way into a system? Everything crumbles. The offending part will dent every close neighbor; then, either the system rejects this broken piece, or the system fails.
Thats why some decide to stay put. They cant work in the system, and the system cant work with them. Its a choice of the wise the inaction, that is. Only a few illuminated minds know that they cant be satisfied, that they cant live up to their shape.
And look at the tragedy of knowing that you are a magnificent piece of the system, one of the most important ones, that you might shake everything, have everything fixed. You know that you are such, but you also noticed that not all of your teeth are straight, that theres so much of you missing that you could never work in any system. Imagine knowing how great you could be but also that you could never fit.
What do you do?
Do you force your way through the system, or do you stay put and live outside of it, never living up to the great force that you can glimpse in the mirror every morning?
What happens to a person that realizes they are not fit for anything? When that happens in a world which lies to everyone and tells them they are good the way they are? What happens when they see beyond the lies and realize that they will never be whole until the day they find the missing part, the part that was brutally separated from them at birth?
Ill make it even worse for you. Just listen to me.
What happens when your impulses are wrong, when you think you are clearly seeing the other half on your right when, in reality, its on your left? What happens if you meet someone and you dont realize that theres a mask on their face, that something is blinding you?
What, do you trust your instincts, and thats it? So, if you have the instinct to be a heroin addict, you just do it? If you have the instinct to go after a person, no matter how toxic they are, you just go and ruin your life?
Even worse.
What happens when you know your instincts are faulty, that you are blind, but that they are also the only paradigm working? What happens when you think your brain can rationalize an answer out of the huge mess that is reality, just to realize that the instinctual feeling of the cogs teeth is not matching?
You might go crazy, right?
Or you might decide to go with the flow, that humanity is what it is, that it is a huge mess, and that you will keep looking until the end of your days hell, you might even dip your toes into the deep waters of the interweaved system of gears here and there, making a rightful mess. But you will stay on the side, unable to be the protagonist of your own story if not for short periods, and unable to shake the world as per your birthright. You will only be able to live casually, to show short bursts of greatness.
Maybe our guy decided to take it slow to avoid going crazy at every twist and turn, to wait for the one half that will fix everything, that will have shared the same plight, the same curse of broken greatness.
But wait, what if there was a perfect, matching half for this person? Wait. Maybe, many cogs could fit alongside our guy. Maybe. But what if there were a perfect one, one that would fit so well it would transform him, open up an entire world, give him what he missed and give her what she always longed for? What if they could teach each other how to love, reach happiness, and stop bleeding so fucking much?
Because maybe and just maybe, my friend our guy has already met such a person. Maybe and just maybe, my reader theres a woman that is the exact other half, whos lived a life of crippled greatness.
But.
Yeah, sorry. I know, I know.
Theres always a but.
And this one is a big but
But what if this woman, this other half, has chosen the other way? What if she has not chosen inaction, the peaceful waiting inside the eye of the storm? What if the other half has chosen to be the storm? What if the other half has not chosen the path of casual heroing, but the one of a bleeding tragedy until the end, bing a pulsing mass of flesh, scorching all the earth, destroying one system after another till the day she met the half that would make her whole?
Have you ever asked yourself how dark Joey could make the world if he had chosen war and tragedy over peace andedy?
Cassandre
Books are important.
Books are all we are the paper that represents a figment of our collective imagination, tranted into reality.
I look at the poem on the page before me while the metro speeds: the steel clicks and cks on other steel. The sound is almost hypnotica luby. I feel sleepy, but a sharp pain radiates from the wound under my thick coat. I try to focus on the book to get a grip on my senses Im trying hard not to faint. The big shades on my face help to mask the sweat trickling down my forehead and my paleness.
I can feel the blood sloshing on the inside of my fur coat. I look down at the dirty floor, making sure Ive not been exposed. Withbored breaths, I look right and left, ensuring no one is attempting to mug me. We are close to Porte de Chapelle. Its dangerous here at this point, youll find only the worst on the subway. Mostly.
The only two men that look like bona fide criminals cross my eyes and nod at me.
Blood knows.
They are second or third-generation immigrants, like me. But from the looks of it, they are not on a big job. Drug dealers, if I had to guess. Those types will not bother me. If not for the inconvenience of it, then because, dressed as I am, they probably think Im some high-level prostitute. I wouldnt even be taking the metro otherwise.
I try to breathe slowly, but I cant help panting. Wheezing, even.
I peek at the semi-open book again, looking at a very fitting poem.
Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l''automne
Blessent mon coeur
D''unengueur
Monotone.
Interminable sighs of the violin in autumn bless my heart with dull hunger.
I look at the digital letters on top of the train doors. Five minutes to Porte de Chapelle. Ast, fitting act. My younger sister would have called it karma. Since we are Dantes neighbours, Id call it contrappasso. A very apt punishment after wing my way out of this ce. Maybe, this is already my inferno.
But this bitch is going to wear Yves Saint Laurent in hell. I adjust the silky top under my fur coat, feeling the blood still oozing slowly and warmly.
I put down the book for a second and touch my bag with my unbloodied hand, feeling the weight of the guns in it. Plural, guns. I made those. Like I made all the others that will soon flood the country.
After tasting the metal with my fingertips, finding afortable coldness, I open the book again. This time, I bring the back of my hand to my eyes while holding the pages; I test the thick eyeliner Im wearing. All good; nothingsing off.
I nce at the stops again, trying to guess how much I have left to live. How long does it take for a woman to bleed to death? I have been bleeding like this for twenty minutes now. If I didnt have so much heat on me, Id be going to the hospital. But on the other hand, I feel relieved. Its time for thest few bastards to die, and Ill personally drag them into the ground with me.
I watch the trembling words in the book, the second of three verses.
Tout suffocant
Et blme, quand
Sonne l''heure,
Je me souviens
Des jours anciens
Et je pleure.
Strangled and pale, when the hour strikes the clock, I remember my past and cry.
Veine, I have nothing to cry about. I would re-do it all the same. This is simply the fate of the wicked, a miserable death. But as soon as the nave Parisiennes know how many guns have been distributed across the country, Ill be their haunting nightmare; Ill be Immortal, the death that will persecute this forsaken city; then, the entire country. Maybe all of Europe.
Cassandre El Maddouri.
Thats the name of the nightmare, the specter that will birth freedom from her death.
I smile thinly. How poetic I am.
I have donned a mask in front of many men who believed I wasnt much more than a shallow girl. But now that they have drowned in their own blood, the act has finallye to an end. No more fake smiles, no more acting like an idiot. Now, its just me, my shades, and my guns.
The onlyyer covering my face is a Chanel pair of sses with custom-made diamond inserts.
Was it worth it?
Thats a question that probably haunted many in my position many of those who thought that they could have had another life without being utterly miserable; but thats not my case. I knew I had to go down this path to be myself. There was no other way, no other route.
Whatever happens, whatever goes down, even if Im going to puke my guts out, it was worth it.
It must be.
I take onest look at the doors and get up. I can feel some blood dripping on the ground, not contained by my fur coat. Im also disoriented. My heart palpitates. My book falls to the ground, but not the bag I clutch in my left hand. I stumble in front of the doors, gripping the metal pole to avoid falling. I fall, I die.
Laughteres to me as I remember thest part of the poem I was reading. With it alsoes the click of the doors opening.
Et je m''en vais
Au vent mauvais
Qui m''emporte
De, del,
Pareil
Feuille morte.
And I go where a viins gust pushes me, astray, like a dead leaf.
As the door opens, the curtaines down. The act raptures, the audience gasps, and deathughs at me while I fall through the sliding doors, still clutching the heavy bag full of guns.
Chapter 225: Melpomene, ACT II
Chapter 225: Melpomene, ACT II
Ie out of my stupor, gasping, feeling the sweaty hair glued to my face. I wipe away the long ck locks from my face and look around. My mouth is parched, but I can feel my heart beating on the tip of my tongue.
Am I alive?
Hello?
Hello?
I look up to find a man looking at me. Im sprawled on the ground.
Hello, I smile. I avoid looking around for my bag. Whatever is happening, they either just went through it or if I look right away for it, they will know something is amiss.
Wait.
Hello?
Im sure I just said bonjour, but it came out as hello?
I found you on the ground, you had a wound, so I gave you some of my health potion. You know, these things cost quite a bit of coin, he says with a dark grin. Its a burly man, tall and muscr, covered in stinky leather.
Health potion?
Looking around, I see a forest?
Porte de Chapelle has no forest.
Did they drug me? No. I have been under the effect before; this is not it.
Thank you so much, I smile warmly, you really saved me. What are you doing here?
I sneakily bring a hand to my gunshot wound, but I find nothing more than a little scab over it. I start getting up. My legs feel strong, not at all feeble like a few seconds ago.
This is getting freaky.
Im just a [Hunter],dy. We are a couple of hours away from a half-giant settlement, you know? They have one of those famous settlements just down there.
He points toward something, and I nod along.
Hydras tricks, better if I bring you to one of my outposts. What do you say, you up for some ? the man smiles aggressively. When I take a better look at him, his canines almost seem protruding; his spiky air makes him look like a malnourished wolf, famished, starved for a weak prey to pounce.
Iugh merrily and nod with a wide smile, trying tob my hair with small, shy movements. I stand up slowly, opening my fur coat and showing a good measure of cleavage above the bloodied top. As the man licks his lips hungrily, I put on my most innocent face, chin upward, and look around with raised eyebrows.
You need the bag? Its very heavy. The steel you were carrying is really something, though. Did you get it from the half-giants?
Half-giants. Steel. Connection? Are they good with steel?
Am I doing this?
Half-giants? [Hunter]? Wait, why does that word sound so different when he says it?
I made that steel, I tell the guy, whose eyes suddenly light up.
You a [cksmith]?!
Not exactly, Iugh while getting closer to him in the most natural way possible.
Right, right. Sorry for asking. Do you need to check on them? Im not stealing them, I promise; I just thought it would be quite heavy for ady like you. And Im plenty sure Ill be tiring you out soon.
I nod, adding a little wink for his ego. Im not even disgusted anymore. This is the kind of man Im used to dealing withnothing new.
Like a man who just solved a great problem, he takes out the Gi bag full of guns from a bag thats not even one-tenth its size another sign I might be under the effect of drugs. Its one of the big ones, probably twenty to thirty kilograms of guns. Maybe more. One rifle, ten handguns. Quite a bit of ammunition.
All Made in France by your one and only.
It took a Mechanical Engineering degree, lots of stolen heavy machinery, and creativity.
As he puts the bag on the ground, I ignore it for a second, going around it to hug this man. He stinks. But I can feel him trembling, ted. He thinks something really good ising his way. I can already feel his hands roaming around my body like every other man would have done. I smile at him, but I also push him away for now. That fans on the mes, gripping the man even more.
Less is more.
I crouch beside the bag, starting to feel quite stuffy in this sunny forest with a fur coat. I drop it from my shoulders since it will only hamper my movement. I take out one of the handguns, a Beretta model, and raise it in front of me. The barrel is straight, and theres no damage visible to the naked eye. I take out the magazine and press on it with my finger; it works without a problem.
Wow, ites apart?
I ignore the man and put the magazine back in.
Theres nothing wrong with the gun at first sight. I cock the gun and hear all the right clicks. With a bullet resting in the chamber, I stand up and smile at the man who is now checking me out even more thoroughly, as Im not wearing the coat. All my curves are exposed by the tight crop top Im wearing.
I turn off the safety.
As soon as Im standing straight, I point the gun at his chest and fire two times.
Thankfully, wherever I am, guns still kill people. I look at the man agonizing in a soundless scream, already choking. Once the bullet hits the lungs, breathing bes almost impossible and truly painful.
As I look around this weird ce, a pinch of paranoia assaults me.
If the half-giants thing is true
I shoot the guy in the head, and he immediately stops struggling. I have watched one too many paranormal horror movies. Usually, a bullet to the head is what does the trick with zombies and demons.
Usually.
I stare at the corpse on the ground for several minutes before patting him down and removing his clothes. I take away the small bag he had hanging from his belt. I bring it in front of my eyes, searching for anything unusual. But it looks like a rough leather bag sold by a Moran street-seller. Its very small. I wonder what things he could carry inside it.
Here it goes.
I put my hand inside, trying to feel the bottom, but instead, I find myself inserting my whole arm before I have to stop. I can feel several objects and start pulling them out. Some of them are squishy. Game meat, probably. The man said he was a [Hunter].
So, it does have a lot of space inside. Im not going crazy.
I start taking out the objects inside the bag. Theres a bow, a short sword, lots of arrows, rope, and meat. Cured meat. Fresh meat. Cured pelts, fresh pelts.
But Im forced to freeze when a sound goes off in my head.
[Gunman ss Acquired!]
[Gunman Level 1!]
[Skill Bullet: Lesser Expanding Ammunition Acquired!]
My body tenses up while I clutch my weapon stiffly. What the hell is going on?
What was that?
And why can I still see it in my head?
[Gunman Level 1]
[Bullet: Lesser Expanding Ammunition]
What the hell is this?
I look at the gun, searching for answers, but find nothing. The gun is still a gun. It doesnt speak. The metal reflects a distorted image of me, and not even the distorted Cassandre knows the answer.
[Bullet: Lesser Expanding Ammunition]
An instinctive question: is this good?
I look at a tree and raise my gun without hesitation.
The muzzle erupts with a small explosion, and the bullet impacts the tree, leaving arger hole than expected. I approach my target to assess the damage. The tree looks like pine, around twenty centimeters thick, give or take. The hole from this gun should be almost non-existent, invisible to the naked eye. Instead, theres a clear patch scraped off.
Im using a slightly modified Beretta M9 not the most loved gun by the US military. But it does the job when you just have to kill thugs on the street. Or shoot cops. Im not a ballistic expert, but I know that if you shoot a tree with such small ammo, there should barely be a visible dent.
I look at my gun and again at the tree. Whatever is going on, it looks more and more real by the second. I dont think this is a dream, nor that Im under the effect of any drug.
I return to the corpse, looking at the mans face with attention for the first time. His skin is thoroughly tanned and slightly parched, which makes him look older than he probably is. With not much to work with, Id say he was probably in histe twenties or early thirties. The fact that he mentioned an outpost and not his vige or city means that his people shouldnt be too close. And if he wanted to have sex with me aspensation for using ahealth potion? Did he say health potion as in video games health potion?
Even I know that much.
After Ive emptied the entire bag, I notice a couple of small vials with red liquid inside the famed health potions that the man wanted to exchange for sex, it seems. At least this guy was Human. And just one. If it had been a group, even with rudimental weapons, Im not sure I would have managed to escape in one piece without having to trade something for my survival.
I grit my teeth.
I start examining the things that I could use to survive. Theres a good deal of food, cooked and uncooked. I can use that to survive for a week. Meat, mostly. Water skins. Some little contraptions probably used for catching animals.
Traps.
Yes, I should watch out for hunters traps if the guy usually hunts around here. Under my feet, theres somewhat of a path, and the man pointed toward a possible settlement of half-giants. I wonder if its a figure of speech or if we are talking about literal half-giants.
Among the many things contained in the small bag, theres a pouch full of money. Silvery and coppery coins. A few gold ones. Im not an expert on wherever I ended up, but Im an expert on money. And this looks like a rather poor persons bounty. Thats why he was so upset about the health potion.
If those things cost quite a bit of money
I wonder if he has a family.
I frown in disgust.
If theres one, I did them a favor. Better learn to rely on yourself instead of surviving alongside scum like this.
The woods look calm; not too much wildlife around here. If the viges near, it makes sense.
I look at my gun and think about my new ss again.
[Gunman Level 1]
I cant help but visualize it every time, trying to understand whats happening to me. If this was a trip, it shouldnt work so reactively. It would be hazy, confused. Instead, every time I call for the numbers, they promptlye to me without any hesitation.
I push everything inside the small bag, including my guns. I keep the one I just discharged on the man in my belt. I put the fur coat in the bag as well. The amount of blood on it doesnt look too good. Not that my crop top is the perfect indument.
The water skins look inviting, but they will not be enough to wash the crop top. And Im still going to get questioned anyway. The man referred to me as a [cksmith]. And here, again, I see the ss
I sigh.
Is this what hell looks like?
Useless thought.
I look at the man on the ground, and I start thinking about whats my best option. If this settlement is close, someone is bound toe by sooner orter. And if they knew him, then it would be a problem; even though I dont think anyone knew him, it still poses a risk for whatever story Im going to make up.
Merde.
If I put the man inside the bag if thats even possible I could get searched. If I dig, Id have to dig a lot. If I dont, animals will take care of himthats it. I slowly drag the man toward the forest, off the path. Its not a good job, but what Im going to do should help cover my tracks.
As soon as I put enough distance between me and the path, sweating and panting, I take out the big knife I took off his body. First, I cut the garment he was wearing and then, breathing slowly, his abdomen. Blood bubbles out, but the man is fresh enough that the smell is not too strong, apart from the blood itself. Im tempted to pull his guts out with my hands, but Im already covered in enough blood, and I dont really want to do more exining when I get to the settlement.
I finish the dirty deed and march away immediately.
I fish for my fur coat inside the little bag with awkwardness. Im still not used to the difference in space. As soon as I find what I am looking for, I take out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
I put one in my mouth, grimacing because of my surroundings.
I light it and inhale deeply.
Chapter 226: Half-Giants
Chapter 226: Half-Giants
The settlement, a city of some sorts, maybe a town, was indeed extremely close. I was lucky that no guard or sentry came to check after the gunshots.
There are tall wooden walls made of trunks. Not small trunks. Oak trunks, twice or three times my waist. Maybe even more. And if that hadnt been a good hint of what was expecting me on the other side, there was a small queue of people around the gate. Twenty or so people, and all of them way over two meters tall. The shortest must have been somewhere around two meters and a half. The tallest was almost an entire torso bigger.
Mon Dieu.
I had to force the French out of my head. When I tried speaking French, English came out. If I wanted to say something in French, it was hard. I knew English, but not this well. Even my thoughts were Englishand it was like I had always spoken thisnguage.
But the current problem at hand was that two half-giants were checking on the people, asking questions that I couldnt make out from this distance. They were slowlybing through the line and both guards had some weird stone in their hand.
Magic.
It was a simple deduction. If there are health potions, magic is a given. What fantasy world Im in? Are Dragons casually strolling around or are they just remoted tyrants? My knowledge of fantasy stories is not small. I hadnt yed many games when I was growing up, but my sister had. And Im not an idiot thats the most important thing.
Health potions, half-giants, glowing stones?
If I didnt ept the situation swiftly, the situation would swiftly overwhelm me.
Adapt.
It was a tall order from how I survived among thieves and murderers. And more, how I never did time while wing my way to the top. I still regretted that I wouldnt be able to see the kind of panic and the new wave of money that was going to hit my fellow Parisiennes. Not even the military was going to stop my operation back on Earth. It was a hydra, meant to work even if I went in hiding, or died or went to another world, I guess.
I nced at the woods behind me and turned to be fully hidden around the tree.
Think.
What could be a problem at the gate?
Blood. Shaky backstory. The glowing stones?
Skills?
If I have gained a [Gunman] ss, these people have sses as well? Lets assume so. And if the guards have [Guards] ss, they have skills to reveal criminals.
Can I climb the wallsno. Too tall.
Look for a smaller vige?
They could potentially be even harder to get through. People in small settlements are naturally suspicious of strangers especially the strangers covered in blood.
I could wear the spare clothes the hunter had, but
No, I can use my own blood as an excuse. I can use it as a credible backstory. I was attacked. Lets use that. The best lies are mixed with a lot of the truth.
No changing, then.
A Human? a booming voice asks.
Hello, I say with a contrived face, excuse me, I have no idea where I am. I got lost after I was attacked.
Attacked? the huge half-giant, towering over me, almost double my height, asks.
I was wounded pretty badly and I thought I had died. A health potion saved me.
Lissius, the half-giant gestures toward his partner. We have a situation here, stop the queue.
Lady, please state your business the half-giant called Lissius, smaller than the titan on the other side asks before said titan could jab his shoulder.
She has been attacked. The truth-stone confirmed it.
Cordius, you know that theres procedure for
Cordius waves away Lissius.
Shut up, he booms. Ill take care of this. Just sign the papers when I send them down.
I followed the rapid exchange with my shoulders tensed. They are eyeing the blood on my top with suspicion, but the glowing stone shed blue. And that apparently means that Im telling the truth.
Cordius, a giant of somewhere around three meters tall, seemed inclined to let me in without any questions. He said he was going to take care of me. Are half-giants trustworthy? Are their skulls too thick for a bullet to go through? Should I aim for the throat? Would a potion heal that?
Shes covered in blood! Lissius protests.
Her blood, Lissius.
Cordius puts a huge hand around my arm and gently pushes me forward, not letting go.
Come with me, Cordius says.
Ive been brought to an office built for someone almost twice the size of a human. I had to hop on the chair that was as tall as my hip.
We dont get many Humans, here. We barely get any other race, Cordius says while moving a stick around the walls. He goes to every wall and briefly touches it with the stick he took out of his magic bag.
Cordius moves like a man sure of himself, a man who carries more than his acquaintances give him credit for. Hes rxed, but attentive enough to keep an eye on me at all times. The half-giant struts like a lion meeting a hyena, proud and sure of the hierarchy.
Thews of the jungle are not easy to change, indeed.
What surprises me is how this man is reacting. Ive met policemen. Killed a few, even. And this man doesnt behave like a policeman, but more like a boss.
I look for signs, hints, anything that could give me an edge over this man. But I cant help but stare at the most interesting tract in this room - the huge windows. While he brought me here, I peered around and even if these people are giants, they still haverger than usual windows. More interestingly, even, roofs have entire sections made of translucent ss. Whoever half-giants are, they seem to share a connection with the sky.
Goblins have tattoos but cant remember their origin. We inherited ss and iron from our ancestors, and we have been taught to always look up since time immemorial.
Time grinds everything to dust. Even stories can only survive to a point before dying andying as sand at our feet, I murmur.
If I hadnt already checked your ss, Id think you were a [Bard].
Is that normal?
Can people just see others sses?
Cassandre, Cordius says while sitting on his tall chair and opening a register, not amon name. Not one I can ce, at least. Are you from Teiko, perhaps?
Happy to be unique, I smile cheekily.
Not Teiko, then?
I try to keep my face rxed to give as little away as possible.
Not Teiko, I say.
And not Carilia, either. You dont seem to know where you are. And you are not a [Spy].
Cordius drums his huge fingers on his table.
Lady Cassandre, would you mind telling me what a gun is?
My calves and thighs are tensing up, ready to run. This is bad. They know guns? Nothe ss. He can see my ss.
Just a metal weapon, I say, conscious that this man could be using a truth stone.
How dangerous of a weapon? Is it something from the Yin State?
Quite dangerous, and no.
Quite dangerousinteresting. You approach a half-giant city far from any Human settlement, have no idea where you are, have a strange ss, covered in blood, and you make my danger evaluation skill scream as if you were a level 35 [Swordmaster]. Now, now. Isnt that interesting?
Im sure well see each other around, Cordius says after having personally taken care of my documents. He also brought me to a cheap and safe inn where I can stay on my own.
After a few more questions, he simply stared at me for a few minutes. We both examined each other, staring straight into the others eyes. No one made a move or blinked; it reminded me of the game my sister asked me to y. She always said I had scary eyes, but that ying such a game with me would make her feel more of an adultolder. And whatever made her feel better, that was all that mattered to me.
I ignore the gazes that are shot around me in the inn. Im used to them in other forms, and their still just drying eyeballs, nothing more. These ones are just bigger.
I tell the [Innkeeper] that Cordius rmended this ce to me, to see if that is going to score some points for me. Yes, [Innkeeper], another thing that exists. Not just the weird concept of an innkeeper, but the [Innkeeper] part.
Focus.
I shouldnt let stupid thoughts distract me in such a dire situation. I have no general idea where I am, no reference apart from a few hints scattered here and there.
Im not dead.
Im in a new world.
Simpler minds would be distracted by such a grand realization, by such a cruel fate. Separated from my enemiesthey have been saved by my leave. Shall my heritage live long and disseminate panic throughout Paris for as long as corrupted minds will govern.
But I am not stupid.
I take a look at my room upstairs, filled with furnitures of the right sizethe [Innkeeper] has a couple of rooms for non-half-giants.
Im not stupid.
My first order of business is not resting. I slept enough before the [Hunter] could find me. And I have more important matters to attend to. Currently, my knowledge about this world is non-existent. I need more information, and I probably need money as well. The pittance I found in the [Hunter]s pouch canst me weeks, maybe a little more than a month. How do I know? I looked at the hanging board with the prices marked onto it with yellow chalk. If I could cook for myself, I could maybe go two months. But I am not my father, and I do not intend to waste my time among breads and cakes.
I go out on the street, drowned in a cacophony of sounds belonging to the mid-day traffic. The haggling of [Merchants] at every corner looks more desperate than resourceful, and the few wares I see on the stalls around, however erged they are, look mediocre. Theres an overall decadence in this city, ack of energy. I dont know magic, but this ce doesnt smell like, doesnt taste like it.
Poverty.
Poverty is a gue that affects the entire world; in some ces, like Paris, its just a symptom that there are many rich people. In others, like here, where you cant find any contrast, its the herald of a dying city.
If I could have chosen my own ss, [Merchant of Death] would have made for a good title. Thats what people who deal with guns are, even though most dont have the honesty to admit as much to themselves and the others. I never cared for it. Death has always been the only God I flirted with, the only glimmer of divinity in the gray world that raised me.
I take a deep breath.
Im being overly dramatic while looking at a city that could simply be a bit poor. But my guts rarely lie to me; and here, I look at isted people who have very little despite therge means afforded by their size.
Theres a story here, a great story. A tragic one. Something that reeks of rot and resentment, a grudge. And where anger breeds, theres opportunity, theres desperate people ready to do anything to survive, to escape the mediocrity that haunts them.
I taste the misery on my tongue while licking my teeth, like a snake looking for blood.
This city might need Cassandre El Maddouri as much as I need them.
Chapter 227: Clothes
Chapter 227: Clothes
I went to the center of this city, marking the way over here in my head. There were a few signs down the road, but nothing that could really help me trace my way back. I walked for an hour already, making my way over the za. My first order of business is buying some new clothes. The looks Im getting for all the blood Im covered in are not conducive to the kind of business I want to establish.
Or maybe they are.
Not yet. Not now. Blood is not poured lightly. It makes no sense to just kill without a reason, without a purpose. And I want to know what kind of war Ill be fighting here. Is it going to be a civil one, one of defense, or one of conquest?
A group of thuggish-looking half-giants suddenly steps in front of me, right in the middle of the market.
Humanse to Leggiadra, now? Little infesting rats. Whats next, Elves? Swarms of dogs?
Speciesist attitude. Not just toward Humans, also toward Elves. Could it because of the size of people?
I stare at them, waiting for them to do something else. If I show weakness, they will pounce; thats how it usually works. I dont suppose that just because they are bigger, its supposed to be any different. And being in daylight, they will limit themselves to intimidation.
Hydras got your tongue, Human?
Whats up with the blood, you tripped on your small feet? Another asks.
I maintain my calm and give them the hint of a smile. Meanwhile, I imagine myself blowing their heads with the rifle I have in my bag. I picture those huge figures cranial extremities exploding like watermelons during some silly contest. I add some ssical music to such a scenario, making it even more rxing. Seeing them explode in sequence, on the crescendos rhythm, that would be just perfect.
What song would be the best? A ssic, maybe. Hymn of Glory. Yes.
Thats the business.
I walk around the thugs, ignoring them. I still have to discover what is a staple of this magic world aside from health potions and truth stones. Ill just try to remember a few of their faces and have them killed at ater date. People say that grudges dont do any good sure, they are no good for the people I have them for.
Im talking with you, little
I whirl on my feet, putting on the most furious snarl I can muster on the spot. I shift my body posture in the most aggressive disy and raise my voice at once.
I know Cordius from the Watch! Do you want to bother me more and call the Watch?! Are you trying to hurt me?!
The scream doesnt go unnoticed and now many half-giants, some bigger than the thugs bothering me, are looking at the little group. Suddenly, the petty criminals seem very aware of the daylight that has been shed on them. The sun is repelling their dark deeds and forcing them in hiding. Like vampires who have lost the cover of anonymity and have been exposed to the deathly rays, they scatter. A few [Merchants] look at me with wide eyes; some others, instead, watch me with interest. As every action with a goal, this should help. I dont want these people to know just how clueless I am. The blood is part of the act, of what gives away that I know what Im doing even if I dont. The scream, the quick resolution, how I handled the idiots, is the part that was missing.
In the end, the thugs have been useful. I didnt n for it, obviously. I dont have supernatural powers. Just a womans capability to adapt to any situation.
Lady Human! I hear one of what will be many [Merchants] voices today. You look like someone who needs new clothes! Meliuss selection is what you want to browse if you need small peoples clothes! You wont find many elsewhere!
Shut up, Melius! A woman says from the side. Im a [Tailor], I could custom-fit anything for the Human! Come here, Lady! Us women know better than a cheap haggler like Melius!
Sortina, stop messing with me! You are a disgusting generalist! Just pick one ss, would you? And you might be able to put together some rags, but here I have clothes made by [Tailors] who are over level 20!
Oh,e on, Melius! We all know how cheap you are! I bet that it was mostly their assistants work and then you got them to do some of the stitchings to pass the truth stone inspections!
The half-giant named Melius stutters for a second, clearly an indication that the woman named Sortina knows what shes saying.
Sticking with women?
Snakes and harpies, all of them. Men and women, two different kind of monsters. But monsters all the same.
But this could be useful.
Im sorry, mister Melius, I say to the giant. Ille back to buy some dresses from you, but I need something custom-fit for now, and having lost all my other clothes, Im afraid Id be morefortable with a woman taking my measures.
Melius, the guy whos apparently half-a-cheat on top of half-giant, smiles sadly. Everyone knows what Ille backter means for a clerk of any kind. But I do intend oning backter. That will help foster some friendliness with Melius, and maybe he will open up more with me than if I had just gone with him.
Sortina, a female half-giant whos rather diminutivepared to the others, is still a good half-meter taller than me. But that doesnt matter. I had to confront people bigger and scarier than me all my life. This is just scaling it up by one notch.
So, whats the story behind all this blood? the woman asks with my top in her hand. A Prada top, probably worth more than everything she has in her stall.
People tried to mess with me, I got hurt while paying back the favor.
A scary Human, the half-giantess nods to herself, almost sleepily. Not the first, not even close to being thest. But whatever. What do I know? So, check out this cloth and tell me what you think.
She hands over two different pieces of in cloth, one green, soft like cotton, the other reddish, with a consistency simr to nylon.
I like the green one. Can you fashion a top like the one you have in your hands? And do you think I could get someone to wash the blood from it?
The woman looks at me, first. Then, my top.
Why? Is there something that a [Cleansing] wand cant take care of? Did you mix it with some weird alchemical agent? Because if thats so, let me tell you, youngdy, this isnt going to wash away nicely. [Alchemist] do nasty stuff to clothing, and Riliziuss ears if I know! If anything ate into this cloth, Im not sure who can take care of it. Ive never seen anything like it in my entire life.
If you have a wand on you, Ill dly pay for the service.
I have no idea what a wand is. Are we talking a Harry Potters wand? Like that? Is she a [Mage]?
You are in luck! the half-giantess smiles widely, I got mine recharged two days ago. I have no kids, but you would think otherwise if you saw all the stains I get from food and mud. But what can we do, a big girls got to feed herself, huh?
She has, indeed, I smile at the antics of the woman to make her happy. I dont like people who talk too much, nor those who are excessively happy and lively.
Sortina, do you know where I might get to talk about bing a [cksmith] with anyone, here? Or working with one?
You a cksmith? She says with a snort.
Couldnt I be one? I frown.
With those scrawny arms? Riziliuss ears, my ass could probably hammer better than you. But if you want to embarrass yourself with the [Steelmakers], its up to you.
[Steelmakers], not [cksmiths]. And the [Hunter] did mention something about my guns being made from half-giants. So, they are good with metal. Not that I can do much with that. I might see if they can cast bullets, though; even without pure smokeless gunpowder, maybe I can fashion a revolver for the long term. Well see. Im used to work with heavy machinery and to alter ns, at most. Making guns in a medieval-like city? Not easy. Maybe not even possible. And I know nothing about medieval machinery I have never taken an interest in it.
Id like to talk to someone. Im used to work with some steel even if Im not a proper [cksmith].
Well, I can maybe give you a rmendation for a guy. He and Iwe are friends, lets say. Close friends if your little ears can catch what Im saying.
That would be perfect, Sortina. And Id like to have you make a copy of my top in green, if you can. Maybe some a shirt with the reddish material. Throw in some golden buttons for it, if you can.
What are you, a [Duke]? Humans and their weird taste. But ok, ok. Do you always wear things that leave your belly on the open? Thats a bold move if youll be eating half-giant food. Dont men find it a bit daring? You know, wearing this sort of thing, you could give people the wrong idea.
Shes asking me if people have confused me with a prostitute before.
Its my business. If they have a problem, its their problem. Not mine. And if they want to bring me trouble, Ill give trouble back.
May I fall in my ancestors footprints, those are some words! I like you! Sortina ps my back inmon understanding.
We havee in the back of her shop, where she has walls and I canfortably let her take all my measurements.
You sure you dont need any pants?
Give me something simple and matching for the green top. And if you could wash this as well.
I take out my beautiful fur coat, now full of dried blood and a couple little holes from the gunshots.
Giants legends, she swore. Thats one high-quality fur.
She almost snatches it from my hands, examining all the blood that I lost inside of it with wide eyes.
Didnt know a little Human could bleed this much.
Do you think you can clean it?
Without a doubt. I can also mask the holes. But the craftsmanship here who did this? Wait, what is thiswriting? Never heard of this person.
Its a custom made piece from fur artisans. Few people are still working with real pelts after the whole problem with activists for animal rights. Price tag, around 9.000 euros. Theb that creates these pieces puts a very small tag on the neck with the name of the main artisan who worked on it; its not conventional, but they do make things that people order from all around the world.
Ok, can you clean up my top now? I cant just go around in my brassiere.
She looks at the contraption that is holding my chest up and clicks her tongue.
Never seen that thing covering your tits.
We could maybe work together on reproducing it for half-giantesses, Sortina. I bet that with a bigger chestes a bigger back pain. But could you, please, clean my top?
The woman looks confused for a second before shees back to her senses and gets a stick out of her small bag. She points it at my top and whispers: [Cleanse].
And just like that, the blood starts dissolving, the stains slowly disappear in front of my eyes.
Magic.
A world full of magic.
Disgusting.
Chapter 228: Revolution
Chapter 228: Revolution
Some people are afraid of the dark. Some people are afraid of greatness. Some people are afraid of themselves. Some will never put their heart through the door of the world; they will never choose to brave the real monsters. They will never live. But they will lie, they will try to fit in a pathetic manner, akin to cattle feeding on grass before the ughter.
And do you know what makes me angry?
A world full of magic is a world full of spineless people, of cattle. Its a world of people who dont know what real effort is. Its a world of people who are living a liepletely different from everyone else. And what about those who cant use the magic? Can they be considered people like the [Mages]? Can they do what [Mages] do?
If someone can clean blood off clothes this easily with a small stick Sortina is not even a [Mage]. Wands, here, contain magic. And magic can be sold.
It makes me angry.
I want to beat some arrogant [Mage] up with a stick. Or better, a mace. Beat a [Mage] with a mace. Oui, that sounds funny in English. I let out a genuineugh, maybe the first since I came here.
I dont likezy people who are not ready to dirty their hands. And maybe not all [Mages] are like that. But magic? Thats a gue. Who doesnt want to move a wooden stick and change the world? But how is that fair? How can that be? Why?
What happens when theres no magic in you, when you are just amon person that has to suffer the ire of great monsters, of viins so vile that they can just rip the heart from your chest with a snap of their fingers?
I have a hand on my gun while I sit on the bed before sleep. The cold metal calms my nerves.
What happens when the evil of the world is unchecked, when people are hidden inside a veil, when their eyes are covered by those in high positions of power? What happens when people think they can live, but in reality their freedom can be victim of the powerful at any moment?
They sumb. They suffer the tyranny. They be part of the problem.
Do you know what makes me happy, what makes me ecstatic?
I think of the politicians in France, I think about their blood tinting red Pis du Luxembourgs beautiful fountains, and forming rivulets while going down Pis Bourbon stairs. I think of all the backroom deals they made, of all the empty promises of trying to make France better while destroying the Health system, destroying the judiciary system that protected worker rights. And when I think of a petty criminal sting cold metal through their chests, I smile.
I smile because the revolution has to start somewhere, and I smile because Ill be remembered as the greatest terrorist France has ever seen since the days a simple citizen decided that the price of bread had gone way beyond the means of simple people like him. I smile because they will make it about me being a daughter of immigrants, and I smile because they will make it about the banlieues. I smile because they will never mention how my father worked from dawn till dusk, breaking his back. I smile because I armed a nation and because I will be one day remembered as the woman who started the new French revolution, a woman whose parents came all the way from Tunisia. They will even say that Im a Muslim, or that my catholic parents got radicalized by some Imam.
Lies will spread like locusts on a green boon, trying to phagocytoses the truth and regurgitate thick ck humors ready to poison the mind.
They will find hundreds of thousands of euros worth of clothes in my house. They will say that Im shallow, that Im a bitch. That Im a prostitute. But then, they will discover ns upon ns, blueprints to manufacture weapons on a scale never seen before in Europe. And that it is toote to do anything. And they will realize that the very fabric of the social cloth has changed, that something broke. And people will require the guns to fight the guns, they will start going crazy when their politicians will deny them such a right.
And even though there might be too many steps, Im sure that the French people will follow in the deeds of their ancestors. They will bleed, but they will also get their freedom backor the fight for it, at least. A me has been ignited and the revolution will not be stopped. They will have the means to fight a war that the high-spheres had always tried to strip them of. And with the arms, the French souls will once again be rekindled, reminded of their past, of how they treated the tyrants who oppressed the small people.
I gathered information sneakily, listening, piecing together things. My memory is excellent. I rarely forget anything.
Leggiadra is the city. Carilia is the continent. Im in a different world, and there are many continents Ive never heard before. Carilia and Teiko are the ones Ive heard so far. And then Kome, the one they often curse while arguing. I learned about some Vanedenis, whoever they might be.
But most of all, from what Cordius said and what Sortina mentioned about her friend with benefits, I learned that half-giants are expert in working with steel. Should I exclude that a superior entity sent me here? It seems suspicious that I would be sent among the masters of metal. Is it nned? If it is, would it damage me in any way if I followed what this reality has been giving me?
Metal. Guns. Machinery.
I could give them cannons, easily. Rudimentary guns shouldnt be a problem. But thats a big bargaining chip. I cant expend it without a reason.
They also work with ss.
Windowmakers.
Thats one of the nicknames for half-giants on Carilia.
And Ive also learned that they are angry, that theres an underground current bursting with fury. Whatever happened to this people, it made them bitter. But bitter people are good because they are prone to change, because they can be malleable.
And what happens then in a continent such as this one? Hydras, Goblins, Foxmen. And many other races. Some names not even I cant piece together.
Nymphs.
So many creatures. So many species.
But what happens in the dimension of the here and now. What happens in thend of half-giants, in a sad city like this one?
In the city named Leggiadra.
Brassieres and guns, thats where Ill start.
Chapter 229: Incompetence
Chapter 229: Ipetence
If they write a book about me, Echidna would be a good title. The mother of all monsters who spawned Cerberus and Medusa, the Gorgon sisters, and the legendary Hydra that spawned two heads if one was cut off. That would also make for a good film.
Maybe I should have written a biography of myself.
The simple brassiere model that Sortina has brought me isughable. Its no more than a band with two straps made of clothes. I told her to get lost as soon as I saw that. Ipetence. Pure ipetence. I despise people who half-ass their work. A brassiere is made from different pieces, and the first thing she should have tried is a simple sketch on cloth or paper.
Theres also to consider whether or not brassieres would actually sell here if the market would be receptive to them. Half-giants, like any other race, need bras. But whats the cost to produce and diffuse this trend? Whos the first client?
When guns started flooding the market, I didnt simply put up a stall on the streets with a sign saying, open up for small criminals, nor went directly to the wholesale distribution. Both would have been too risky. If you go to the minor criminals directly, they are afraid of wielding something like a gun. Or they are too stupid, and they will get caught.
Instead, we armed a few men here and there. Dangerous people who used the guns on other criminals, especially other organizations. Then, we spread the word. We told people that we had some guns, and those who had been attacked came to us to defend themselves. They begged us to sell to them, not knowing how deep our wares were, afraid the supply would run out and that they would remain exposed to harm while incapable of defending themselves.
If I had been a man, I would have just gone up to some idiots, sold some guns, and had them track them back to me by the police. But bras and guns are simr. You dont just make an inferior product that doesnt sell. Make your living elsewhere, and build a product that people will covet, not one that you have to desperately sell to survive.
Half-giants have a terribly fat cuisine like the staunchest Frenchman. However, its not about butter and margarine; they use animal fats to season their meals. Every meal, really. Its not a surprise. The half-giants do need a lot of calories, I guess.
Does magic consume calories?
Ill have to investigate. Starving enemy [Mages] sounds like an excellent strategy.
But I do enjoy the little kiosks they have set up along the river that goes through the town. Its like a small walkway full of tables where you can stop and consume a quick snack. Street vendors own a few of these tables. But, again, this is a modern concept, not a medieval one. You can see this sort of thing in Paris or Mn.
To what extent are these people from a feudal era, and to what extent are they not?
Will I get gged if I start asking too many questions? So far, I got my share of information from eavesdropping. But I need to know more about them, this world, and this system.
Lady, care for a skewer of meat? You need some muscle on those bones!
Sure, I smile, how much is it?
Coppers! Three coppers! the man smiles back widely.
I appreciate people who smile on the job. Even when you are about to shoot someone. Its a mark that you are having a good time, and if you are having a good time, you are more prone to do a good job. So instead, I don''t like grumpy people on the job.
As I take how to the coppers from my bag, which I have discovered it''s called back of holding, I start speaking to the vendor. Again, I need information. I''d instead get it from books if it were up to me. However, this is probably the fastest way. Plus, I really don''t know if these people. Have a library or any repository for books. My guess? They don''t.
Mister, I have recently arrived in Leggiadra. Could you tell me which are the main attractions of the city? And really, whateveres to your mind. See, Ie from far, far away, and any information would be good to orient myself.
Well,dy, you are in luck. This is a rather dead moment of the day. Few people visit this city, and we don''t get many tourists. In fact, I make most of my money from people Taking a break for lunch. Attractions, you say. Hm. The ss and Steel District is probably where the most interesting things are going down. However, the artisans can be quite unpleasant to deal with, especially if most of them barely have any work. They are still haughty and arrogant and very, very unpleasant. Did I say unpleasant again? Yeah, they are very, very unpleasant.
All good Craftsmen are a little unpleasant, I smirk. But often, it''s a sign that they are good at their job. I would say that. Unpleasant people are either very good or evil at their job.
The half-giant chuckles at my remark and gently shakes his head. Then, the half-giant lowers the brazier''s mes for the skewers and gets close to me with the food I ordered.
You know what,dy? Let me sit with you for a second. You look like a smartss. Whatever you''re doing in this cesspool of a city, your problem. But I need a break, and if you need to know more about Leggiadra and what goes down here why not, right? the half-giant sits on the chair right in front of mine with a visual on his own little stall. I grin. This is going to be good.
I ended up in Leggiadra mostly by chance. I really don''t know much about half-giants. Why do you say that this city is a cesspool? If I might inquire
Why? You really don''t know? Do you even have eyes? Half-giants are the poorest race in the world. For Riziliuss ears, everyone goes nuts when elves and humans hate each other. But when entire kingdoms refuse to do business with half-giants because they are scared of them? Then it''s all good.
I''m sorry, II don''t think I asked for your name.
Names Ziss, he smiles. My parents gave me one of those fake dragon names. Like many other half-giants, I changed mine. I think that most of our traditions are useless. All the money we spend on ss for houses? Well, we could certainly use that money to improve the city. It''s a miracle when our sewers work.
Sewers. Plumbing problems.
Im not an expert in hydraulics, but
Oh, But why are not the other races trading with you?
You really don''t know, do you?
I shake my head and slightly recline it on my shoulders. If I could blush onmand, I would do that as well. Appear bright but not experienced. That brings a lot of information out of people. Everyone wants to show. What they know, especially when they meet someone who has not much knowledge on their favorite topic.
Giants legends, for all they say that the Vanedenis are pieces of crap, At least they used to work with us. They never refused a trade just because we are half-giants. But again, they are not scared little rats. And do you know why? It''s because Vanedenis were never afraid of us. Instead, the rest of the world is afraid that half-giants will start some mad war once again. So they starve us. They refuse to trade the most precious metals. They even refuse to let us ess some mines. It is public knowledge among half-giants that we are hugely discriminated against, but no other race wants to fight for this. Again, Vanedinis might. But they have enough problems on their own, don''t they?
Vanedenis.
I heard that name before. They are in awe of them even though they are mentioned in various shades of hate and love.
The main reason this city is poor is that you don''t have ess to resources and trade but they must let you trade for something, right? You can''t just manufacture everything on your own, I say.
Even in medieval times, people still had to trade. Hell, especially in medieval times. Resources were very scarce, and different regions had different specialties. Not as specialized as in the present days of Earth, but...
The half-giant looks around wistfully. Many emotions swirl in this pupil and iris. Chiefs among them are anger, sorrow, and resentment. But most of all, sadness.
Giants didn''t have good fame. Neither do we. Hydras are more famous than us, but we waged as many wars as they did. Yes, we do have to manufacture most of the things we use. We can trade with the random merchant here and there, but we will never have treaties regtingmerce like many other kingdoms or towns. And that will forever cripple our economy. What can we do? We either go to war to conquer the stuff we need or keep surviving like this. But if we go to war, everyone will pile upon us. So we live in a cesspool. We live in one of the poorest cities in the world. Even if our artisans are still among the greatest. If you ask me, it''s surprising that they can raise their level with so little to work with, and he just goes to testimony. How muchpetence do those men and women have in their hands? Do you know how the artisans in the ss And Steel District work? You must have heard something, right?
I shake my head and look at the ground, looking as ashamed as possible.
Riziliuss ears, the man exims, its one of the most famous tales about half-giants. At the raw materials for half a day before doing anything. Many of them have skills that let them visualize the end product, and they go through all the steps in their head. They cannot afford mistakes. The few times they manage to get their hands on something good, they have to seed on the first try. They like to unt their numbers: apparently, a normal cksmith, on average, has to reforge a steel sword twelve times before the metal settles correctly. I dont know where they got that, though. And obviously, you can imagine that they can forge a steel sword on the first try pretty much every single time. But what they are really proud of is the number of times they have to strike the sword. They say the more times you need to strike, the less the quality of the steel will be because it''s going to be weak in certain ces if you hit too much. And well, it doesn''t take a genius to imagine that half-giants are one of the strongest races, right? So with a few strikes of their very heavy hammers, they can forge the best steel in the world. Sometimes they even work from scraps of iron from the normal forges.
The man startsining about the price of meat. But Im not listening to him. Not anymore. I''m getting anxious. I''m sweating. Cold sweats and shivers run down my spine. This cannot be a coincidence. If I had had any doubt before, now Im sure. Someone ced me here willingly. It was not a coincidence that I ended up in a town where they are proficient with steel. And the great injustice that they are suffering? Anyone who knows me can imagine how angry this makes me.
And even Cordius and his manners.
I smile.
They want me to start trouble.
Whoever sent me wants me to start a revolution for half-giants.
I lick my lips, catching some of the greasy fat of the meat skewer.
Well, they have called the right person for the job.
Chapter 230: Books
Chapter 230: Books
Before doing anything to help the half-giants, I need to see how many like-minded people are. The vendor did not want a war. And maybe they dont even need one. Not a proper war, at least. Not an open one.
If you want to sell antidotes in bulk, you must first poison the city.
While I walk down the street, I see a bookstore on my left. A bookstore? For a second, I remain still. So far, I had the impression that books were expensive. Then, I see a small shop with a big ss window right on the side of a small street. And the name of the ce is Marzalliums Books. All the window sses around the city give me the impression of window shopping in a town with medieval features.
Taken by curiosity, I can''t help but enter the ce.
The smell of paper or parchment even is very thick on the inside. There are many books amassed on top of each other. The ce is somewhat disorderly and cluttered. But the smell inside is what every reader of every age covets when they think about getting a book. And here, it''s even rawer than usual. It''s a symphony of sensations from the smell to the very natural chemicals you can taste on the tip of your tongue.
The books here are oversized, some clearly made by half-giants for half-giants. However, the majority is the standard size for a book in the medieval ages. They are thick, obviously. But most of all, they are many. So many books that they make columns behind which sight breaks on pages.
There was no bell on the door at the entrance. Nothing announced my presence other than the sound of the door gently opening and closing. I touch the leathery cover of a volume entitled Epretos Chronicles while I wait for someone to get to me. I take in the smooth and, at the same time, the rough feeling of the leather on the cover of this enormous volume. Then, seeing how no one came to greet me yet, I just open it. There are immediately some illustrations of maps weing me.
Nonfiction and poetry are what I''m ustomed to. Indeed, fiction and prose are not my preferred choice, especially Russian or English ones. I like when words are used carefully and distilled to powerfully deliver meaning. Poetry, in a way, is like engineering; it''s all about synthesis and efficiency. In prose, you can put an inordinate number of useless words to fill the pages, and the reader will likely not notice. And even if they do, they might just brush that aside as a sign of a more flowerynguage. In poetry, you have to be extremely careful how you use the words. Even just one word, more or less, couldpletely change the final result of any poeticposition.
Today, however, I''m not looking for any poetry. Even though I would be interested in what half-giants or other creatures of this continent have written, I''m more interested in practical knowledge.
Youngdy, put your greasy hands off that book, a wizened old voice says.
Excuse me? I reply, not removing the hand from the book.
A half-giantes out from behind a pile of books. Deep wrinkles line the expression on his face, but two piercing blue eyes stare relentlessly right through my soul. Theres a stark contrast between the intensity of the old half-giants gaze and his withering body.
What do you think you''re doing? the old man says again with a gruff voice. You can almost hear his age from how he speakshe gives you the impression that his vocal cords have been thoroughly consumed. Or maybe just atrophied fromck of use.
Hees up to me and snatches the book from my hands.
I have skills to handle books without damaging them. Do you have any idea what kind of things rest on your hands? Gently caresses the book''s cover, as a mother would with a newborn baby.
I love books; I didnt mean to
Shush, the man says, carefully examining the cover of the book I was touching. Right after, he produces a bottle of a translucent liquid from his bag of holding.
Hands, he orders.
I put my hands in front of me, and he lets a couple of drops fall into each hand.
Rub them together, also between your fingers. This is a distilled [Cleansing] potion.
I follow the indications under his scrutinizing gaze.
Books do not live just in the present. They live in the future, in the hands of the people who one day will not wash their hands while handling them, the old half-giant, much taller than me, coughs for a few seconds before resuming his speech with a raspy voice. Books degrade over the years. While we are alive, we have to take care of them. Every book lost could be itsst copy. One of the greatest [Alchemist], a cheeky bastard, hid some of his greatest recipes in a childrens book. Later, when someone found a long-lost journal of his, once the childrens book was already lost, we read that [Recite Passage], if an adult is not able to read with the same wonder of a child, he should never be allowed to practice the great art of alchemy. But thats just one of the many reasons we should preserve books. Distilled knowledgethats what they are. Go to the za among [Merchants], then read a book. Youll understand why we could kill this entire city but not burn down my shop.
He assumes a disgusted face when talking about [Merchants]. The wizened half-giant has a strong misanthropic vibe.
I like it.
I am really sorry, I say while bowing my head. I agree with every single word he said. The fact that he could meditate so profoundly on the importance of books in his era shows how wise he is.
He sighs and passes a hand over his face.
Im too old toin about the younger generation. And Humans? Its been a while since I saw one of you. Do you still tell your children that we might eat them if they dont behave?
He looks at the book in his hands while talking, not at me. And even if he asked a question, it doesnt look like hes interested in a reply.
Are you Marziallium?
Marzalliums grandchild, Licinium. Marzallium is my grandfathers name. And this shop is his heritage, he looks around with wonder in his eyes. Even though hes old and his skin looks like parchment made from old sheep, his gaze is bright and attentive. For a second, he looks like hes daydreaming. Then, he looks at me with a frown. Suddenly, theres animosity in the way he stares at me.
Are you a [Merchant]?
No.
Mh. Good. Good. They should all die terrible deaths[Merchants].
He scrunches his face as if he wants to spit on the ground. But then, he remembers hes in his own shop and reluctantly swallows down.
Are you looking to buy? I only sell copies. If you need a book that has not been copied down yet, you must factor the [Scribe]s price in the final price. The sooner you need it, the higher the fee. Damn [Scribes]. They love to bezy around when they could be copying important books and manuscripts all day. They make enough money to copy a new book every two or three days without incurring a loss.
The list of people this guy hates appears to be a long one.
I wanted to take a look. Ive read many books in my life. But Im not from here. Id like to peruse some of the manuals you have. I could pay you a fee for
You came here to read? the man raises an eyebrow.
If its not a problem. And I can pay, I say, raising my hands in a defensive pose.
The old man snorts and swats away one of my arms. I wince. Hes strong.
[Merchants] are eagerly awaiting the day Ill finally join our ancestors in the sky. I have no children willing to take on the shop. And they will certainly sell it once they get it from me. Im surprised those leeches in the za dont hire anyone to assassinate me and get their filthy hands on my books.
The old half-giant is panting by the end of his invective against [Merchants]. Yet another one. He also looks pale and stumbles backward. I try grabbing his hand, but I simply manage to get the book he almost dropped on the ground. After a few tentative steps, he seems to have regained his bnce.
Not today, bloody [Merchants], he says, looking around, probably for a chair. Instead, he moves to a chair right behind a pile of books, and I follow with the tome in my arms. Old age is a Dragon with lesser acids in his stomach, slowly digesting you.
But, at least, some people withmon sense still live, he says while looking at me with mncholy. Peoplee to books to consult them and throw them away. I cant despise anyone more than those who just use books when they need them. They will never know the pleasures of a true [Reader].
He stops to look around at the vast mass of books lying in the shop. Few times I have seen such an affectionate look on someones face. Even when looking at people with kids, there was usually irritation among the love or tiredness. But in this old half-giants eyes, theres only happiness. Hes happy hes been around his books for so long, that he has read them, that he can still read them.
What irritates me the most is how they do it. Sure, youngdy, I know that people need information, but at least inquire for something more. Ask me what kind of book could apany such a dry read like the one about geography. A book on legends, tales, and culture. Are we all [Generals] campaigning to
He erupts in a fit of cough, almost doubling over from the chair.
Giants footprints, he swears, probably forgetting whatever he would say.
What is your favorite book? he enounces each word carefully, trying not to cough away his lungs.
I dont have one, I reply candidly, I like poetry. Maybe I could make aption of the poems that I like the mostbut even those change over time. And every season has a poem fitter for it. Every moment of life, to be honest.
The old man nods.
Theres an old poem, he mutters, I have never figured it out. Someone wrote it in an ancient edition of Tales About Magic. Its a childrens book.
He pauses a second to breathe deeper, concentrating on his air intake.
Its not part of the book. It was a note found on some illustration. I think Im one of the few maybe, the only person in this world to have read it. Would you like to hear it?
I nod.
Why would I say no to an old man and poetry?
Very well, he smiles feebly.
By noble burden and foretoken dear,
A notice I pass on the sleeping seams
Of the stripped world that disappears,
For rotten enemies spun long schemes,
Aethereums magic long lives its death,
A faint dream of deaths nigh surprise,
Of his foes multiplying vile demise,
Look for Light, and shed your breath
Quench the war of the Dragons Folly,
Or suffer a thousand tragedies mncholy.
While the old man recited this simple poem, my skin became coldfor a second. My breath was condensing in the cold air even though its sunny and warm outside. But while he was speaking, I could almost feel something crawling all around me, a chittering sound of doom.
Thats it, the man says with a shrug, clearly not having felt none of the ominous signs I just perceived.
Chapter 231: History Lessons
Chapter 231: History Lessons
If this had been Earth, I would have immediately convinced myself that the old man was trying to scare me. But theres magic here. The biting cold I felt around me while he recited the poem felt extremely real. Maybe, he could have done that to prank me. But to what end? He seemed barely able to stand. To think that it was just an borate ruseno. I can read through people. That is just a sad old man on the verge of dying.
What happened, however, was real. The poem he recited to me was as real as it got. This world clearly has some deep-rooted secret. By the conventional narrative of fiction, I might be the heroine sent here to uncover what is hidden below those words.
But I thought I was sent here to help the half-giants
Something doesnt add up
But who runs after two hares at the same time, catches none.
Reading? the old man asks as I enter his store, which seems awfully deste at every time of the day.
I nod, offering my hands for the use of the [Cleansing] thing. He pours a few drops on my hands and I rub them together, smiling.
What do you need? he asks, curter and more to the pointpared to yesterday. I notice an open book by the side of his chair.
He was just reading.
I dont me him. Its really annonying when people talk to you while you are immersed in a good book.
Culture, geography, history. Anything about half-giants and Carilia.
He narrows his eyes for a second before disappearing behind one of the huge columns made of books stacked onto each other. Hees back a few momentster with six thick tomes.
Start from these.
While I was reading a rather dry chapter on Nymphs rituals and religion, something catches my eye. So far, its been a collection of rather interesting information, but all pretty disconnected from anything I know. But theres a chapter called The Tax.
Vanedenis have terrorized many countries and kingdoms; even continents, to be honest. And Teiko knows that very well. Among the Humans of Teiko, it is an open secret that Vanedenis should never be bothered and, much less, insulted. No one knows what sort of traditions in their culture uphold the need to keep their name clean, but Vanedenis respond to insults with blood. They force duels on the people who insulted their honor. And their family wille to enforce that such duels take ce. If they families are repelled, their entire town mighte. If the town is repelled, their [Lord]. If the [Lord] doesnt manage, their [Kings] and [Queens] will step in.
Vanedenis are well-known for some of their civil wars born out of the silliest reason. What in normal kingdoms is a dispute between neighbors could start a war on Kome. They tolerate no insult. Nothing in the slightest. And from a young age they are taught to respect each other. Even when they hate someone, they are very careful with their words. Blood is a valued currency among them, but they are also very generous in theirrgesse of it.
I rmend reading Chapter 13 Vanedeni Heroes before this one if you have not.
The Tax is the tribute Vanedenis have imposed on every country in the world, bar none. Everyone has to pay annually. They can also ask for something in particr, in case they needed it. Vanedenis dont push extreme requests. Some [Historians] postted their greed, but that is nothing short of idiotic. Vanedenis never, historically, showed any greed. They are greedy for battles if anything.
Their two [Heroes], Fer and Skier, the infamous [Strategist] and one of the greatest [Warriors] to ever exist, spearheaded the charge of the Vanedenis in the Hydrean War. When Sziezais tried to take over every single continent. Every continent stipted a great alliance, and the Hydra battled them relentlessly. There are not many ways of describing what happenedter: Vanedenis, who had been begged by the rest of the continent to help, finally descended into the fray. However, they attacked both sides.
Some missives from their [King] to the regents around the world report these words: Its the first ever world-conflict. We can win it on our own.
At first, such a move was considered a stratagem on behalf of Fer, who was considered a great trickster. As soon as the flying vessels of the Vanedenis attacked the cities on Teiko and Carilia, alongside the Hydraes fleets, everyone started doubting that it was a stratagem.
Sziezais, an [Archgame] over level 70, a [Paragon] of his era, was in in mysterious circumstances. To this day, few [Historians] have managed to gather any further information on his death. Some have travelled all the way to Kome, but most Vanedenis seem as ignorant as the rest of the world. It has to be reported that Gabbilizius, a rich [Merchant] and hobbyist [Historian], traded with the Vanedenis and affirmed that the Epodes Family knows exactly what went down, but they refuse to tell.
Estimates put the average level of the Vanedenis entering the conflict around 35. The average of the allied force estimated at 13, and the average of the Hydras at 17. What those isted people do on their own time to level so much, only they know. But one thing is certain, no one in known history has won a battle so big and so reckless.
Licinium, I call the old guy after reading part of the chapter. Its all vaguepared to Earths history. There are not many numbers going around, its mostly about recording history. Andmentaries are long and often biased. Vanedenis won a worlds conflict?
The old man raises his gaze from the book to look at me with his vivid blue irises.
They did. And, as a little point of pride for my people, we sold them most of the weapons that they then used during the conflict. Half-giants were mostly left on their own for that very reason. We were one of the very few to openly trade with Vanedenis, to actively search for deals with them. Antidosis tried to do the same, but Vanedenis never respected them. Sirens? For all they now hate the Vanedenis, they begged for their help, for them to spare them whet Lakaner descended into the abyss to y them after dark rituals were upsetting the world. Now that Vanedenis are suffering from a poor fate on Kome, everyone turned their backs to us. Thats what happens to people who coborated. Theres not enmity in the open. They just refuse to sign trade deals. And thats enough to kill a city.
Wait, I heard from Ziss that half-giants are discriminated against because people fear them.
Ziss? The idiot who roasts meat in the za? How many books do you think that guy has read in his life? Im not even sure he can read, the idiot, Licinium said with contempt. History speaks clear. Since the day Ahalis managed to start a war against Vanedenis without immediately dying, the trade records of half-giants turned red. Prices spiked, deals became extremely expensive. They are afraid we might help the Vanedeniscowards. Id forge some steel to help them fight those worthless chimps myself if I could. Relics came out of Leggiadra. And more than one. I hope that the day they turn the conflict back, the Sirens blood will make the oceans red, and that this wretched continent will burn.
Arent they losing the war?
Losing? Vanedenis? The only reason they are losing is because they fought a civil war among themselves while fighting the Ahalis. Now, theres a Lady Goldith Rodinia, probably over level 60, with some of the best metal in the world under her ass, fully clothed in her ancestors Relics, whos going tounch a counterattack in uing years. I hold some correspondence with Vanedeni [Historians] and keep a journal of what theymunicate with me and the others who are interested in noting down the great events of the world. Theres also a debate among them about whether or not this Lady incarnates the essence and spirit of Vanedenis more than their predecessors, or whether shes going down the same path Mauser did.
After talking so much, Licinium rests for a second, out of breath. He gives a few experimental coughs to make sure he isnt going to have a fit. There are many things you can say about Vanedenis, but they are certainly not cowards.
Vanedenis wille back, youngdy. And what is your name, again?
Cassandre.
Cassandre, if you ever cross path with a Vanedeni, dont mess with them. Trust an old man who has read more than many others. They are not like other people. They are dangerous. But we are also what we need.
Im tempted to shrug, but I can see from how he looks at me that hes not joking. His hands are tightly gripping the armrests of the chair and his eyes are unblinking.
Cassandre, there are many people in this world. There are many races. There are Canti. But theres only one poption made of people who throw themselves at deathughing. Their blood is being diluted, but it still has the dormant seeds of great heroes. Why, otherwise, the other continents wouldnt be attacking them all together? Because they are scared. They are terrified. [Kings] and [Queens] still remember what the Vanedenis were capable of. Even the Ahalis have basically relegated them in the southern half of the continent, choosing to battle them as little as possible. Strife breeds levels and great sses. They are trying to make them weak, not let them process the natural resources that you can find in spades on Kome.
People level against adversity.
Nothing major, but I still have to keep this in mind. I havent made progress in my [Gunman] ss in an entire day.
Because I need something to shoot.
Are they dangerous because their levels are generally high?
Riziliuss ears, no. They are dangerous because not only they level like the madmen they are, but because of the [Heroes] they spawn.
[Heroes]?
Licinium nods gravely.
Many civilizations, and mark the word, civilizations, have never spawned an [Hero]. From the most ancient records I have consulted, [Heroes] can be as rare as in you would never seen one in thousand of years. Do you understand the scale of that? Theye to exist as singrities among sses, they have higher missions to aplish. Theres a veritable calling in their ss, a blind faith that you will never see in the craziest person in this world. They are unique, each one of them. Their sses can take different names, but they are usually prefaced with Hero of. Thats what some of the most famous [Historians] have uncovered.
Wait, somethinges to my mind, in the book there was written that Fer and Skier
Two [Heroes] spawned in the same decade. And [Heroes] of the highest level. They were so powerful they could tten armies on their own. Skier, in particr, died of old age. Fer died in very mysterious circumstances. But long after they won the war. The Vanedenis spawned two heroes just like that. And theres more than a dozen of Vanedeni [Heroes]. Each and every one of them gets elevated to Lordship. Every single Vanedeni family has an [Hero] in their ancestors. You cannot be a noble among Vanedenis if you are not a descendent of one.
How many noble families are among Vanedeni? I ask, surprised.
Are? Not sure. Were? More than twenty.
Chapter 232: Planning for the Worst
Chapter 232: nning for the Worst
Some revolutions are quick and violent, some, instead, take a long time; thetter ones are more insidious, more deeply rooted once they start manifesting. They are like a cancer that gets discovered only after metastases have taken ce. The most famous one is the Christian revolution. Romans tried to persecute the practitioners, but the damage was already done.
And you know who spread religion among them? Women. Women were bored out of their mind, and religion made them feel important. Christian housewives are simr nowadays. The most ironic thing is that, once women and ves, to be fair had started spreading their new creed, other men, feeling the importance of this new religion, took it away from them. Men decided that women shouldnt meddle with the higher spheres of their religious organization. Consequently, Christianity failed to take over. They also failed in persecuting religion, however. Both sides were governed by men. The fact that Christianity had been in the hands of women, however, made it easier to spread like a gue among the Roman empires. Why? ves and women, who had been relegated to the fringes of society, finally heard someone say you matter. Women amplified that message, which reached every corner, poisoned their minds, and created zealots and martyrs in spades.
I remember this lesson from high school.
And I also remember the solution I found back at the time.
If I had been a Roman Emperor, I would have given women the job of persecuting Christians. Men, they know violence, sure. But when dealing with religion, it was the other side who recruited the ones expert in maniption and capable of the type of warfare which even the most experienced Roman general was unaware of.
Psychological warfare.
A man will always be inferiorpared to a woman in that regard. Men have dicks. That fails them. As long as a men can be governed by an appendage of his, he will be useless in finer maniptions. A woman, instead, rarely is controlled by her passionsafter being trained, at least.
If women had taken over the job of eliminating the filthy Christians from the face of Earth, they would have done the job splendidly. All the women who had been converted would have found an equally terrible foeanother woman. And that would have been their end. You cannot fight the war of minds with raw violence and crucifixion. That was so obvious even to a younger me. Instead, recruit the women who have been abandoned by the church, let them be the executioners of the men who have shunned them away; no one can be more cruel than a woman who has been betrayed, who has been stripped of the power that should have been hers.
What a sword through the head, crunching the skull, can do is extinguishing one life. But not even a genocide managed to eradicate Christian belief. All religions are the ckest poison, and once they enter the veins, the poison will never get fully eliminated, not without singing the flesh and crushing the bones in the process
Women would have solved that.
And all the most widespread religions still fear women, still want men in charge. Because they day a woman takes over, no man will be their equal in leading with faith. No greatest zealot will exist than a woman with a mission. No greater martyr than a woman who believes in something so firmly.
I sometimes contemted the idea of waging a war on religions. All of them, not just one. Start with the closest ces of cult, like the Vatican. Strip naked their leaders and have them beg on their knees, have them pray. Not to kill them after, no. Im not a man. Id torture them until they would scream every invective in existence against their Gods, have all Humans see what kind of pathetic and weak men are manipting them. Have women, especially, see that a woman can be much more than a follower. A woman can be a leader. A woman can be judge, jury, and executioner.
Men without scruples are tyrants, women without scruples are monsters.
Dcroix painted a woman with the French g in her hand, leading the revolution, personifying the concept of Liberty. Men are in the background, some fading along the lines the brush left behind.
As I finish cleaning the gun I used to kill the idiot harassing me, I breathe in the fresh air of a new day. There is a job for me in this city, this ce that has been left to die slowly but surely. And theres only one person fit for the job.
Remember, leading a revolution is clearly a womans job.
I look at the notes on the rough paper, noting how my finances are being drained much quicker than I expected. Theres no immediate job I could take around here, not without resorting to murderwhich I have yet to exclude from the list. I need funds, but this citys job market is dead. I have yet to explore the ss and Steel District, but Im sure theres nothing for me there as well. Brassieres? Maybe in a rich city with people ready to pay good coins for it.
I could act as the poor woman in need of rescue in the middle of the forest and put a bullet through some Humans bodies. But the risks in that case are too great.
I look at the rough map I drew from the books Ive read in Liciniums shop. I have yet to see one customer go through his doorhow is that old man surviving with all those expenses? The [Cleansing] potion he uses is not cheap. Its almost a luxury in a city so poor. But I respect the care applied to his loved ones. Im talking about the books, obviously. He doesnt mention his sons, usually; when he does, its to remind himself and me of how useless they are.
If I want to help the half-giants toe out of this, I need to know more about whats happening on Carilia. The Vanedenis, distant allies, are facing their own problems. And that means I cant count on them. I did hatch a n to move half-giants to Kome; then I discovered Kome has a rocky coast that is 4000 m above sea level.
Insane people.
There is no other way to describe the Vanedenis.
When I look at their stories, I wonder if they even exist. The tales surrounding their deeds are preposterous; a [Gardener] threw himself into the oceans icy water, swam together with thousands of other [Gardeners], [Druids], and [Green Mages] to the Sirens capital. Then, he killed their [Queen], a woman owning a red ss.
Red sses are very powerful but perverted versions of normal sses. They are reserved for monsters and they always have some drawbacks. The mostmon one is the lost of sanity. And a man, a [Gardener], just killed her. If Licinium said the truth, it did take more than a year. It wasnt, like some book say, that he just went down and decapitated her. No, he fought a guerri and starved their armies, tied their supply lines
[Heroes]
Would I have gotten a red ss back on Earth or a [Hero] one?
The line between the two seem thinner than it should be.
Cassandre! My favorite customer! Ziss shouts.
I raise my eyes, seeing the man dragging his cart toward the usual spot.
Get me a fresh skewer when you can, I smile at him and then I go back to my notes.
Eating lunch around the za has be a ritual, and it helps gathering information. People are willing to stop and talk to the only Human in the city, it seems. And a lot of [Merchants]e around here, sometimes even ones from other cities. Ziss also learned that I dont want to be disturbed while Im working. Even though Licinium has repeatedly called him an idiot, the guy is just simple.
Not everyone has to be a genius.
I look at the notes once again, with numbers spread all over the paper.
When I raise my eyes, I see a cat on the street. Its a stray. Fuzzy ck stripes, half-dirt and half his natural fur, color an otherwise blond coat. Three small mice scuttle in front of him, while he looks almost bored at their pathetic attempt at escaping. The cat unveils its sharp ws and pokes one on the back, while the other two try to run in different directions. The mice are fast, but the cat doesnt seem concerned. The one who got poked instantly froze and the cat slowly and gently ces a lick on its back with a malignant grin. As soon as its personal amusement with that onees to an end, the cat decapitates it and starts strutting elegantly in direction of the other two.
The cat takes its time, knowing that theres cat and theres mice. And the cat eats the mice, always. One of the two remaining mice is hiding behind a small stall, but the cat catches it quickly. Theres no escaping. The mouse dies a boring and unsatisfying death. The predator swallows it wholeif not entertainment, let it be food.
Then, looking at the remaining mouse, frozen as well, probably on the verge of an heart attack, the cat walks up to it and prods it with a paw. It doesnt kill the little creature trembling in terror. Not like this. Not without fun. Not without entertainment.
I look at my ns again, at all the notes Ive scribbled downand I tear them up.
With a feline smile over my face, I get up, ready to finally conduct some proper businss.
My pouch is empty, and my reserve of food is going to follow soon. The ride I hitched has finallye to its destination. I got a bit further than I wanted to. Around two weeks from Leggiadra. Distant enough to conduct proper business without being traced.
One of the main reasons Ive tried several drugs is to avoid looking like a cop. You want to participate to the right parties without looking like a ball-buster? You have to snort, ingest, shoot what you need to. No one likes a boring person. And the most important thing is that you are sending a message, we are the same. Theres nothing worse than looking too different when you are among a crowd of real or pseudo-criminals. And you will have to go through the pseudo criminals before meeting the real yers.
Huge apartments in the center of Paris where you find the new generation, twenty-something year old ingesting pills, snorting cocaine, showing off some golden guns that they have never shot. You can even find some famous rappers at those private parties. French rappers, obviously. But even though most are posers, sometimes you can find a real one keeping an eye on the idiots, or simply providing protection. If you want to be noted, you have to show that you are one of them, but you also show restraint. No one wants to do business with a woman, and even less with a junkie.
So, if I want to do business with half-giants, I need a ticket to enter the right circles. I cant just waltz in the ss and Steel District and wave guns around.
I have to shoot the guns.
And shoot the right people.
Chapter 233: Gathering Info
Chapter 233: Gathering Info
What are the food resources that Leggiadra iscking the most? I ask Licinium.
We have a lot of wheat, but we are low on fruits. Meat, maybe. Fruits are probably the resource that weck the most. Any spice, I guess. We struggle to find salt. But mostly, seeds to have our own trees would definitely help.
He doesnt pay too much attention to the question. Ive been making a list of things I need to know and I n to ask him everything but mixing it with different questions.
And is there any food the Vanedenis exported? Or what is their culture generally famous for, food-wise?
Oh, thats very interesting. And which merchants andpanies, in particr, refuse to trade?
The Human city of Keveiz, he says distractedly. They have all thepanies and people who basically cut off the trade with us. Half-giants have even considered attacking them. They are around two weeks from Leggiadra. On foot.
How good is a [Mage]s shield against an arrowpared to a blow from a sword?
Most [Mages] and wands make shields that are one big clump of Mana. The distribution of resistance is perfectly even, which makes most shields extremely weak to small projectiles like arrows.
How do [Merchants] transport all those things? Do they use bag of holdings?
What? No. They use chests of holding.
Have you ever heard of nitric or sulfuric acid?
The ones [Alchemist] use and burn your skin if you touch it with bare hands?
Arge smile appears on my face as I nod.
You can find a lot of it among the [ssworkers].
Are there half-giants who want to fight? I mean, Id be pretty angry all the time. Doesnt anyone want to try and establish the trade routes once again through force?
Sure, some youngsters always think like that. But we did go to war. And we lost. We had more than one city in this region. The city of Keveiz was ours, and they still have many of the building we built there. They are also very close to a mine that we used to own. Now, its in the hand of a [Merchant] consortium.
Is the mine still mineable?
Sure is. They dont have the levels nor the sses necessary to deplete it fast. It was probably barely even touched since we left it a few hundred years back.
How good is the steel that the most capable [cksmiths] can make in the ss and Steel District? How even, to be precise?
If they are to believed? The most even in the whole world. Those old idiots. Do you have any idea how long they spend looking at the minerals before they even touch them? Oh, and touching is a whole other thing. Smelling and tasting, as well. One would think that with age wisdom shoulde along. Those dirt bags just get weirder. Bah. Whatever make them level, I guess.
I look at the notes that I painfully wrote in French. It took a lot of effort to squeeze out my mother tongue from my penthis might be the first time in my entire life that I wish I learned Arabic. That would have been hard to decode, much harder than usual. Sadly, I can only speak some. My father never found the time to properly teach me.
I have enough information to put my n in action. These past few days Ive barely eaten to save money. I bought some dried food and a couple water canteens for the travel. It should be enough and I can always hunt a beast or two. Or Humans. Both will be fine. And with the map I sketched from the books, the indications that I got from Licinium, it will be easy to get where I want to be.
No strange beasts inhabit the forest and it has a very low coefficient of criminalswhich Im going to change very soon. Apparently, [Bandits] purposefully avoid the half-giants; thetter can be quite vindictive when someone steals the little they have. And the Humans could already be considered criminals themselves, so nothing to be surprised of there.
As Im about to enter Liciniums bookstore, I can finally see someone there for the first time since I arrived. Its a younger half-giant in his mid-forties. I stop right beside the door, putting my back to the wall by the window, out of sight, listening to whats going on.
Dad, I told you we have to sell this ce. No onees here anyway!
Oh, would you shut up! Go back to y with whatever it is that you are doing now! Im good here and its my money you are talking about.
Dad, where are you even finding the money?!
Its not of your business Marius!
It is, dad! Look at you! You are too old toe down here every day! You need to rest. And I need the money for my marriage! Lesinia
That whore. Im not giving you one copper, do you understand? You want to marry thatcough!
I hear Licinium starting to violently cough, one of the worst attacks Ive ever heard.
The son stays silent, but Licinium resumes talking, weakly, as soon as his breathes back to him.
You never wanted to read a book. You were never interested in anything, Marius. You jumped from job to job, spending all the money I ever gave you in stupid gifts for that whore. Traianus has never shown his face to me in thest ten years. I guess that you two etched from eggs that some snakeid around herebecause you are not my children, thats for sure.
You are going to die alone, dad. No ones going to cry for your death. Most people here will just be relieved that this shop will actually be used for something. As soon as I can open my [Butcher]s shop, everyone will be happy that no one in the family took over the book business. As if there was something useful here. Why dont you look at yourself, dad? You spend all day alone in a shop where no onees. You are just a pathetic old man. Sell the books and let me have the shop. The basement is perfect to store meats. I bet that the same runes you use for books could be easily used for the meat. Ill buy you a house close to the one Im building and you can visit any time. Lesinias pregnant, dad. You are also going to be a grandfather. Why note with me instead of dying like a sad bastard all alone in here?
I can hear thebored breathing of Licinium, clearly upset.
Im just sad for the poor life youll be bringing to this world, Marius. Whoever that kid will be, it does not deserve two parents like you and that whore. People often forget what it means to have terrible parents. And like every other careless person did, you will just ruin his life, as you and your brother already did for yourselves.
I need the money, dad. You need to sell. Im not going to repeat
Go out, Marius. Leave me alone. I dont want anything to do with you anymore. Just wait until I die and then go destroy our familys heritage for yet another transitory passion of yours.
Youll see dad! Youll see! a half-giantes out in big strides from the shop, huffing and puffing, red on his face.
I wait a minute to enter, until Marius is out of sight. He didnt notice I was right outside the shop, or he just thought Im simply a curious bystander.
Cassandre, I hear a tired voice say from the inside, please,e in.
I didnt mean to
You did. And theres nothing wrong with it. Its just another story to read, or to listen to. But its definitely not worth a [Bard]s voice and rhymes. Family feuds are one of the mostmon subjects of fiction
Licinium goes silent, seemingly olderpared to thest time I saw him the day before. Hes drumming his fingers on a little table by his chairnot on a book. Never on a book.
I tried. I really tried. I wanted to teach them how marvelous this world can be when you read through what has already transpired. A handful of people can be something more, [Heroes]. And even less among all the half-giants wholl ever live. But I wanted to teach them the stories, to have them learn from the mistakes we already made in the past. It was my attempt at bottling wisdom and spooning it to their mouths little by little.
Parents can only influence their children so much, Licinium. My father tried to pass onto me the art of baking. But Im no baker.
But can you bake?
Yes, but
That would have been enough. If they did not want to manage my store, but did share some love for books, that would have been enough. I would have given them my books to read, not to safekeep. All the books in the world will have onest receptacle, one final destination. And if that had to be my children, and their children after, it would have been fine with me. I didnt ask much of them. Never. I
Licinium erupts in a fit of cough.
We cant control what other people do, I say regretfully, we can only build with our hands and hope that others will follow in my steps.
The old half-giant doesnt answer. He simply stares at all the books around him, wondering what their end will be, their demise. What destiny awaits them. Will the children of [Merchants] rip the pages to blow their noses or wipe their asses?
When I see that the old half-giant is not answering, it''s not responsive to what I have said, I contemte harder. What can you say to a man who is about to lose everything? Is there anything that you can say that will make him happier? Or maybe, not happier, just give him peace?
Peace.
Listen, Licinium. What if I buy all your books? I''m about to conduct some important business. I''ll be back in the month. Do you think you can hold out for me?
There is no happiness in the gaze that washes over me.
Cassandre, I know. Im not sure But I do have an idea of what you are nning.
A cold shiver runs down my back. I have no idea what he knows.
My sses deal with information. You tried to hide it, but I know you are nning something. Whatever it is, I suggest you don''t do it.
Licinium, I dont think you know. I think you might have the wrong idea. Or if you do have the right idea, you are not cing enough faith in me.
The old man just waves a hand, shushing me.
I''m old. I don''t care. But whatever you''re going to do, just take this. Wait a second.
He gets up and starts searching among the sea of books lying around the shop. It takes a few minutes and him disappearing behind the tall columns of stacked books. But atst, hees back with a small volume in his hands.
This is a collection of poems. A Vanedeni [Bard] put them together even though their people are not fond of this type of recollection. They often narrate the deeds of their heroes to their children right after they are born. They barely keep any record. But a [Bard], a high-levelled one, gathered stories and put them together in this anthology. He didnt want them to go to waste.
He looks at the battered book, kept in surprisingly terrible conditions for Liciniums standards, and smiles.
This is a copy he made himself. I have copies from [Scribes], but this is the genuine item. Wherever you go, I fear that the madness of Vanedenis might be a goodpanion for yours.
Chapter 234: Bang Bang
Chapter 234: Bang Bang
No matter what positions you are in, you have to stay asfortable as possible. The rifle can bounce from different angles off the ground when you have to fire repeatedly. Side alignment and side picture adjusted and you should be able to rest and rx while properly looking through the scope. Scope shadow, you need to move off center, and see dark scopes, you can use them to look straight through the scope. Theres not that big of a difference between lying down with a rifle and writing notes in your secret diary while glittering the edge of the pages, prone on your bed.
All the technicalities will never be as important as having the right feeling when the finger presses the trigger. A lot of experience goes into it. I have talked with people on forums who shoot gun every single day, either because they are geek enthusiasts or in the military. The most important thing, and most agree, is how much time you spent with a gun between your hands. The longer you had it, the better will be the feeling when you shoot. Anything else doesnt really matter. Even with the best calctions, with the best preparations, your bullets might swerve because of a sudden breeze. In that moment, you have to adjust in a split-second before your target shoots you off.
They will never make a film about me sniping anyone from a couple of kilometers, but Ive trained so many days and spent tens of thousands in bullets to be able to hit a target reliably at 100m mark. Anything inside such a range is rtively easy. Even a moving target. I can shoot 200-300m without feeling out of myfort zone as well. Further than that, it bes a hit or miss.
The leaves around me rustle a little while I slightly shift my position. Im covered in vegetation and even the McMin TAC-50 that Im personally handling is.
Initially, I had thought that crafting handguns and making a couple of rifles would not be that different. I was terribly wrong. I have nts all over France making theponents for Berettas, but theres no way they could replicate the rifle I bought from some of my contacts. And it costed me.
But in a fantasy world where apparently most shields suffer from small projectiles like arrows
I see my first targets approach a rocky part of the terrain where I carefully dug deeper the holes that were already there. I might be a touch too paranoid, but if there was any [Merchant] or [Bodyguard] worth their salt, they would notice the usual condition of the road. Sadly for them, no one can feel me from such a distance. Im around 70m from the small wagon and I see two men on the front. No one following behind.
They dont even look around. Not that they would see the camo that Sortina had made especially for me.
Did you know that improper breathing, especially with a long-range rifle, can throw your aim off wildly? Meters, even. Not centimeters. Even squeezing the trigger too rapidly, or jerkily. It has to be a smooth and uniform movement to ensure that the rifle will move as little as possible.
I breathe in lightly and I see the horse eyeing the road and slowing down a tad. The driver barely notices, trusting the horse to do the right thing for himself.
As I hold half a breath in, I stop breathing.
The finger slides gently on the trigger and a second after, a .50 bullet tears through the side of the man who was wearing armor, probably messing his insides pretty badly. The horse suddenly raises his head at the noise, but doesnt run off. The other guy, the [Merchant] looks bewildered. Sadly for him, Ive already pulled back the bolt handle and then back in with a new bullet.
Again, after half a breath, I shoot at the [Merchant], who has barely reacted.
The [Merchant] falls off the carriage and the horse, this time, freezes. It starts looking around, neighing. It has no idea whats going on.
I wait to see if theres a third hidden person inside their wagon, but nothinges out after several minutes. I know that some [Rogue] could have stealthed his way out of it.
I wish I had some artifacts.
The objects that adventurers or the military of this world use to fight. Something to reveal the position of enemies would be incredibly good. Something like thermal or night vision.
Ten minutes go by and the horse has defecated in the meanwhile, still waiting for new orders. It can probably smell the blood, but nothing ising out. We are still pretty far from the actual vige, and thats why Im taking my sweet time. I have a time-table of when the [Merchants] should go where. Its something that sweet Licinium has given me right before I headed out for this mission.
The fact that the old man has such information makes me uneasy.
I get up and draw my handgun, moving from tree to tree, closing in on the wagon, keeping an eye out for any movement. [Stealth] can disguise your presence, but not the traces of it. Thats why Ive decided to fight somewhere with a lot of bushes around. Theres no way you could move around without giving yourself away.
As I circle to the back of the wagon, I immediately raise my gun to whatever might be insideits empty. I go around and take off the bag of holdings on the two corpses, careful not to get them too close to each other. Bag of holdings are just a simply trick. Apparently, theye from a rather limited supply and they are rarer than I could have imagined. The fact that the [Hunter] had one was a wonder in itself.
And guess who created them?
Vanedenis.
Oh yeah. They never existed before. They are not a staple of this world. They are one of the many things Vanedenis made out of the blue and that no one was able to reproduce. They are not just spatial magicits something much simpler and, at the same time,plicated. But they sold them in bulk before they got involved in the war with the Ahalis. So, every bag of holding, or Brico, how the Vanedenis call them, is actually several centuries old. They are almost indestructible as well.
As I enter the wagon, I find exactly what I was expecting to find. The older brother of the bag of holdinga chest of holding. Its not bigger than a childs toybox, probably 40x60 cm and 30cm in height. But its still much bigger than any bag of holding gets. And it can contain dozens of time the volume of a normal bag of holding. In fact, if bag of holdings are still prettymon is because this is the higher end product. Carilia is a very rich continent in culture and trade, and its not surprising that even a smaller wagon carries one.
I put the gun back in my holster and open up the chest of holding.
A literal cornucopia shown up in front of me. If you have ever seen the Harry Potter movie where they close the guy in a chest, that is what it looks like. I check for the contents and find quite a bit of food, but also many artifacts and, most importantly, ores. I close the chest and go to the front, looking at the two dead targets.
Probably got both to the heart.
I take out the handgun and, with a suppressor on, I shoot them both in the head.
Just to be sure.
I look at the blood dripping on the ground and fetch a nket from my bag of holding. I have to maneuver them both on top of it to avoid leaving behind traces of this. Then, I pour some of the [Cleansing] potion that Licinium kindly lent me where the blood has fallen on the bare ground. It neatly disappears and I take the horse by the reins, bringing the wagon off track. I chose a ce with trees enough far apart that a wagon can go off road.
This wagon is going to be where Ill be holding most of the stuff Im going to steal?
Another world?
Borrow.
No.
Tax.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Many times I wondered what blocked people from bing rich. Was it that they were born poor? Was there some chemical in their blood, some gene? Its the same principle by which people dont stab each other in the neck every day. How is that possible? Even a simple fork in a restaurant could pierce your jugr without a problem. It would pierce the wall of one of the biggest vein in your body with no problem, leaving you to bleed out in a very weird way.
It is about being cold.
If you are cold enough, you can do much more than any other person. If you have a big disregard for thew, you find out that criminals get caught less than you would like to believe. We are mostly bound by the invisible, by the fear, by our habits.
We are bound by our faith in something that isnt real, like God.
Who might believe that a poorly trafficked road might be taken hostage by a crazy woman with a TAC-50 and stamina potions to avoid falling asleep? And what kind of insane damage could such a person do in three days? If a road is mostly used by [Merchants], since no one really goes toward the half-giant city of Leggiadra, what happens when someone just kills and robs all those [Merchants]?
Unless you have a system tomunicate among [Merchants] and send warnings in case something dangerous is on the road nothing. Nothing happens. People keep dying.
I remove an arrow from my thigh, swearing loudly, and looking down at the [Bodyguard] that I missed. This man had a way of tracking me and managed to actually hit me. I killed his entire caravan, around eight people. Thest hit before going back.
The health potion swiftly heals my thigh.
[Gunman Level 13!]
I spit on the ground, frustrated. I emptied my Beretta in this guys chest, killing him as he was approaching me. He probably thought I didnt have any short-range protection. I dropped the rifle as he was closing in, raising one of my hands and keeping the other on my thigh. When he approached, I swiftly took out my handgun and shot him dead.
Not ideal.
I look at the massacre left on the road and start limping toward the stash of chests of holding I put together under some cut-off branches. Then, I hear a branch break off.
Chapter 235: Blood
Chapter 235: Blood
Please, please, dont kill me!
I look at a young girl, no older than fifteen.
Were you with them? I say with my gun trained on her.
I was just hitching a ride, miss! I wanted to see the half-giants!
She saw my face.
Should have worn a mask.
Putain.
Youe from Keveiz?
No! No! I have hitched another ride to Keveiz, Ie from Malki!
Malki?
I rack my brain and finally somethinges to me. Its a huge city full of different races, governed by a senate made of representatives. Its basically a city-state. I look at the ring on my hand, a truth stone I stole from a [Merchant], the gem changing color to blue inconspicuously.
Whats your name?
My names Via! she says, more and more agitated.
Again blue.
Via, do you have any intention of giving me away to the [Merchants]?
No! No! Absolutely no! Im no rat!
The truth stone on my ring shes blue, but lighter.
Have you tattled about anyone else in the past?
She goes silent.
I can help you! I can help! she blurts out frantically. You need someone to clean up, right?! Im not afraid of getting my hands dirty! I can work for you! Please, dont kill me! Please!
ss and levels, Via, I tell her.
She cringes but nods.
Im a [Vagabond], level 7. And a [Tailor], level 11. I do repairs for clothes and other odd jobs to get some money!
The ring shes light blue.
Whats the third ss?
Its[Pickpocket].
Are you an orphan?
Yes, she says inly.
Both times, the ring shed blue.
Pure blue.
Thats good. No one to tattle to, then. Listen, I dont need to kill you, but I do need to start recruiting people. Strip everyone of their bag of holdings, then put their corpses in a chest of holding. That should help avoid the rot.
She nods and turns.
If you stick with me, Ill make you rich. If you try to run, just know that this is the eight hit in three days. Ive killed so many [Merchants] and idiots who thought they could run
She just goes her way while I rest for a second against the tree. The wound in my leg is still closing. The health potion takes a little longer when the wound is deep, and I think I did some damage while removing the arrow.
I look at the wagons, three of them, quite tall and widepared to the other ones. People dont need uniformity here. They are clearly better made than the previous ones.
Via, do these people have any way ofmunicating or tracing their goods?
The girl, who now has some blood on her, shrugs.
Not really. They are not carrying relics or anything crazy. No one would bother. And even if they did have a way tomunicate, those Cantamen usually wear out pretty fast. So, again, they would just think that the enchantment has died.
Good.
Lets start loading these two wagons, then. Well bring them to Leggiadra. Just drive the third through the forest. Theres a cliff where Ive been throwing the others. Then, well load them.
Did you really have to kill the horse? she asks me with a frown.
People could find the horse and put two and two together.
Those wagons could also fetch a good price, she looks down at the cliff.
I have enough chests of holding that even if I emptied them Id still be rich from those.
Whats my cut? Via asks.
Your life, for now.
Problem? I say suddenly opening my eyes.
We need to let the horses rest. No one is on our tracks.
We ditched the third wagon and kept only two to be faster. I was finally sleeping a little. But a little means that its now pitch dark.
What time is it?
Late?
I scoff and look at a watch on my wrist. Its 25:00. Basically 23:00 in Earths time. I wish I watched more documentaries back on Earth to exin how its possible that days here are longer. Could it be a slower rotation, a bigger? What is it, really?
I look at Vias dirty blonde hair and her lean body while she stops and gives some feed to the horses. I might be a very experienced woman in many aspects, but horse-feeding is something that I hadpletely forgotten. Having someone take care of the horses is good. More than good, excellent.
A rare smile goes over my mouth as I think of Via as my little goon, as in Im the superviin and shes the practical second inmand who takes care of the day to day stuff. Thats what happens in start-ups and bigpanies: the CEO takes care of the big picture, and the poor COO, the second inmand, is stuck dealing with the real problems threating to sink their boat.
It would be pitch dark if I didnt have a magicalntern by my side. Vias sleeping while Im driving. Driving is a strong word for keeping the course of the horses. They naturally follow the tracks and could probably go on their own even if I didnt touch the reins. They are a working version of the Te autopilot, basically. And probably more ecological, greener. A horses fart flies over to me and Via, sleeping by my side, and I snort.
Horses.
We are not too far from Leggiadra, but the real question is how much money is the stuff Im hauling there worth. And should have I left some of this in a stash in the woods? What if they rob me blind? But I dont know if people with tracking skills could have made out the stash among the woods. Im not robbing the [Merchants] to just let them reim most of itter on.
If things go the wrong way, it will get bloody. Very bloody. Half-giants can probably take a 9mm shot to the chest without dying. Maybe even more. Their muscle-skeletal structure is very different from Humans. They are not just tall, they are sturdy. They are a Human looking version of Trolls. And thats a very speciesist thing to say.
I dont haverger calibers for handguns and I cant just swoop in with a sniper rifle. Also, the recoil is too great for
[Gun: Greater Recoil Reduction]
Right.
I have skills now.
But I dont want to waste bullets. Thankfully, Im a woman and I always put more than I need in my bags. Bullets, I have enough for now. Its going to be a problem in the long term, but nothing impossible to take care of. Smokeless gunpowder and heavy machinery? If the ss and Steel District is really as good as they say, its going to be fine.
I approach the gates with the wagons and wave toward Cordius.
Exin it to me, again, Cordius says calmly in his office.
I killed nine groups of Human [Merchants] from Keveiz. I robbed them. And I brough a great amount of ore and other alchemicalponents here in chests of holdings. Some of them might have some blood. I also have the corpses if you need to identify them.
And you are telling this story to an member of the Watch because?
You are more than a member of the Watch, arent you?
Cordius licks his big lips and frowns.
Did anyone see you?
One girl survived, Via, an orphan. Shes with me downstairs. She has no bonds with Keveiz nor any particr Humans. Shes also a [Pickpocket].
And I cant see your ss anymore.
Some of those [Merchants] had good artifacts.
Cordius puts his elbows on the desk and rests his face between his hands.
Do you have an estimate of how much all this cargo would fetch on the market?
Had Via make a checklist, I say while handing over a few sheets of papers.
Cordius raises his head and taken the sheets. He reads in silence through them, raising his eyebrows multiple times.
How many people did you have to kill? he asks calmly.
Forty, give or take.
Theres enough gold and resources to kickstart a new city, Cassandre.
Or just regenerate this one for a while. I have projects, Cordius. I would like to arm the half-giants. This is a show of good faith. The Humans will never have me after I killed a third of their [Merchants] and stole so much. The corpses will be a disy of loyalty. If you can organize a meeting with whoever runs the ss and Still District, I could bring weapons to this world that would put you back in business.
Cordius puts the sheets in his bag of holding and stares at me for a few seconds.
I need to talk to some people. Ill keep the other Human in my office if you dont mind. And I guess that you already took what you needed from the [Merchants]. Ill have the wagons disappear and we can discuss about the lootter. Now, I have to go. Hang around the city. Ill send someone to fetch you as soon as things are ready.
Sure.
Riziliuss ears, the giant swears before going out of the door.
So, I have to stay here? Via looks around Cordiuss office. They dont trust me. You are my insurance, in a way. Or maybe they just want to question you separately. Just tell the truth. I already exined a bit of what Im going to do, right?
Not really, Via says uneasily.
Im not surprised by her attitude. This is the big leagues. From petty thief to organized crime in a few daysthats a big promotion. But what I really liked about the whole thing was that Cordius clearly knows what hes doing. He knows that after all I just did theres no need for long discussions about my loyalty or anything like that. And theres no way they are not interested in what I have to offer now.
The best introduction, I exin to Via, is the one where they want to meet you. Not the other way around. Never beg. Never seem greedy. Bring a good product to the table, make them notice you, and wait. If I die today, you should try and start a business this way.
Its been almost a month in Earths time. Less for this world. But its still been quite a while since Ist saw that old bag. Reading some of the great deeds of Vanedenis while I waited for the [Merchants] to show kept me goodpany. And if what Ive read is true, Kome is where I want to bring my guns, where I want to fight. People like Vanedenis [Heroes]
It makes you think. I never really had doubts about my life. To be more precise, I never wanted to face them. They are inconvenient. Why overthink when you can keep moving forward? Never look back if you dont want to lose your sanity, like Orpheus.
Many questioned the morality of what I do, the what ifs. But what if you simply go straight, what if you dont stop? If I ever started questioning my life, Id probably go crazy. Or maybe I would have never embarked on the journey that made me the woman I am. What happens when you have a head like mine, and you dont use it? Should have I just wasted my talents and ambitions for my fathers business? Should have I gone around baking baguettes? Sure, I could have made that into a huge chain business, but to what end? What is really important in this life, baguettes? Or is it freedom, fighting the right wars? If you have the heart of a general, is it not a crime when you choose to be a simple civilian?
I suddenly smell blood when I turn the corner where Marzalliums Books is supposed to be.
Chapter 236: Butcher
Chapter 236: Butcher
The smell of blood is something I will never be able to eradicate from my olphactory memories. And its usually associated with burnt, with something charred. But in this case, even though for a second I can feel the terrible smell of something burning, I quicklye back to reality and something meaty. When I look at the huge window of Marzalliums Books, I dont see the books. No, I just see a bunch of random meats ced on a counter and a guy at the counter.
I enter the ce with a smile.
Hello! Is this ce new?
Hello! A Human! Wee! Yes, I just openedst week!
Oh, what happened to the book shop?
My father unfortunately passed away. Thankfully, some people came forward and bought all the books in one big batch. And I thought that a good [Butcher] would be much more helpful than a stupid repository of books no one was buying, right? the man erupts in genuineughter as if he had not just said that his father died.
Oh my, you have quite the selection, I say while looking around at the few carcasses I can spot, badly chopped, with cut that look all but clean.
Yes, and we just got some new cuts of beef as well! But I got them down in the basement.
Would you mind giving me a tour of the basement? Ive always been curious of how a ce like this works. And dont worry, Im here for business, I say taking out ten gold coins and cing them on the counter. Im organizing a party, sort of. I need the best you can get me.
As soon as he sees the money, the fake smile he had donned turns into genuine joy. It looks like not many people havee here for business yet.
Good.
Sure! We have some prime ribs that you can
I turn off the buzzing noise in my head and I start pondering.
And not on what Im supposed to do.
I know that.
Im just wondering what information I need about the old man. When I think about the little volume full of poems, I almost cry. A tear threatens to escape my eye while I follow the idiot son of the one person I really respected in this town.
My father was not a present figure while I was growing up. But he instilled in me something, a lesson that I will never forget. Be good to those who are good to you. If your parents treat you well, treat them well back. He had not studied nor he had a culture; but he had principles and values. And the two values he passed onto me are good work and being grateful for what I got. When my father fell sick, Id take over the shop without saying a world. Even when I had already some money of mine already, I would never forget what the man did for me. There would be no discussion, no arguing. He didnt even need to call for help, I would just know that he couldnt work in his conditions and take over for a while.
If theres one thing that I will never stand is ungrateful people, those who believe that everything is owed to them and that they dont owe anything to the world. Those, I want to see dead. Why? Imagine you had a sick father and you refused to extend even the most basic courtesy of respecting his wishes to him. Imagine that. Imagine that he had to work himself to literal death because no one would open the shop if he didnt. Imagine an old man whos all alone because of two idiot children and spends hisst days without family around.
Sure, telling ourselves that books are goodpany is nice and all, but family is family. And without family, we shut ourselves off in a dark closet full of mold. The air slowly goes out and we die a slow and sick death. Science shows how we, as people, need to be touched to stay healthy. Without anyone around us to hug or kiss our head, we are something that even animals repudiatewe be the worst kind of Humans existing on cold Earth. And when we decide not to extend a hand toward those people in the dark closet, we dont deserve to live. We dont deserve to be. Because if you do that, you are refusing the most basic animal need a person has: the need to be touched, to be seen, to be spoken to, to be hugged andforted, to be during hisst moments, to cry on a shoulder.
I raise the gun to the neck of the kneeling giant whos retrieving some fucking stupid meat from a hook and shoot. The bullet perforates his neck, not killing him on the spot, but leaving him to suffocate on the ground. Part of his trachea has been blown off. It was a shot from a close position, almost to the skin. It was easy to avoid the spine and incline the gun a little.
I hear the wheezing and the choking sounds even before he hits the ground prone, looking at me with wide eyes, trying to clutch at his own throat. I see the life of a worthless man, of a worm who never deserved anything at all, who should have died in the womb. Im not sorry for him. No. If I had time, I would actually spend some time making him suffer even more. I can deactivate the skills bound to my guns and bullets, by the way. Thats the only reason his neck did not lose a huge chunk of flesh.
Hes trying to speak, probably asking for an exnation.
He doesnt deserve one.
This man looks like another person who never decided to be anything, who always tries something new without sticking with it, damned the consequences. And thetest round of consequences is his fathers legacy disappearing overnight over the new whim he had.
Ill share something with you all while we watch this man slowly suffocate, with a gun still trained to his head. You never know in a world with magic and whatnot. Right, I can just leave him here since he wont easily rot, by the way. Or
Lets focus on what I want to share.
There was a dark moment in my past, a time I wasnt the person I am right now, a time I was gripped by anxiety and nightmares in daylight. I was depressed, I was bing a husk of the person I was supposed to be. I was good at whatever I did, but there was always something missing, even with my studies. Even when I graduated with honors, there was something missing. And the more I interrogated myself on the meaning of life, I simply despaired. Yes, despaired. I was lost. I was nothing. I was no one. I could not think of one thing that would make me happy, that would make me me. And I dug deeper and deeper in the hole, until one day I watched one documentary out of sheer boredom. I was meditating hanging myself with the strings that held off the ground some big pots of sulents I had in my apartment. I would look at those strings and wonder if they could hold my weight, and how I could make sure that I couldnt escape their clutches, how I could die amidst silent screams, who I would disappoint, who would be happy about it.
So many questions, so many doubts, so many uncertainties.
But then, I saw a documentary on chimps.
And there was the boss chimp right there being a tyrant
Im watching inplete darkness a stupid documentary on chimps. They are showing a particr group with a chimp acting like a tyrant and taking advantage of his incredible strength to lord over the others. Nothing new. Another asshole. Its yet another asshole.
I dont know who I am. I dont know why I did all I did until today. Was there even a point? Should have I chosen another path? Why didnt I just go work with my father? I know how to bake baguettes, putain. Why didnt I do that? Would have I been happier? Why should I go through with this job? Just because it pays a lot? And what for? What change am I bringing over the world, what person am I bing while working it? Will I ever have self-respect for myself in ten years?
Questions swirl inside my head, they torment me and they have been tormenting me for months. I have a good job, I make more money than most people. Why am I like this? Why am I just suffering meaninglessly? What is wrong with me? Which part of the machine is not working? Can I fix it? Can I really do anything about it?
The leader of the chimp fell ill, probably as a result of something he ate. And when he wasnt at the top of the form, two younger chimps bashed his skull in with a rock.
For some reason, whoever shot the documentary thought well to include the gruesome scene of two chimps killing another with rocks. But while I look at the scene, I feel a sense of calm settle in. Its impossible to describe. It has nothing to do with the act itself, but more with the whole context.
I abandon the soft and warm nket on the couch and I stand up, stretching out. I dont do anything likeughing out loud or having a manic attack. I go to the kitchen and pour myself a big ss of water. For the first time in a very long time, I turn off the television, left alone with the silence. And for the first time since I have memory, Im fine in the darkness and the silenceI dont crave the loud sounds no more. I just soak in the silence, washing away the dark thoughts with the knowledge that nothing means anything.
We are chimps.
Its so silly.
It has always been so silly.
We are no more than chimps. We are animals who evolved a bit too much and built a monster of a framework on top of our animal instincts. Then, when we go crazy, we me ourselves, not the pirs of steel that are now rusted by the blood of entire generations. Its not about the buildings, its not about the economy, capitalism or whatever. Its just that we are cursed. We are cursed to live an existence that is made of inanews we made for each other. But we are the same chimps that bash each others heads in when they need to. We are just afraid to follow what we were always supposed to do because now someone says its wrong.
We want to feelfortable, but that never was how we were supposed to leave. We are supposed to be ufortable most of the time, or just ept that someone might bash our head in at any moment. We look forfort among the structures, among the fake world we have built for ourselves. And maybe, if we are stupid enough, we look forfort in the chimps. But the reality is that everyone is restless, that everyone should be restless. We are no more than chimps, and thats as bad as the structures, the prisons we built for ourselves.
But if being chimps is bad and being Humans is equally bad, what is good? What is it that makes it worth it?
Nothing.
And so why do I feel like this, liberated?
I put the ss of water back on the table.
I guess because if nothing makes sense, I might as well do something worth my time and not overthink it. If everything is stupid, it doesnt make sense to worry about making mistakes and thinking about what we are supposed to do. Theres nothing we are supposed to do. What we are supposed to do is a framework built by other people who were most likely wrong about it and that we just follow out of habit, but what we want is just bashing each others head in. And so, why worry? Want and moral constraints are equally bad.
The best shot is just looking for a cause just enough to die for.
I look at myptop on the Ikea coffee table in front of my couch. Theres the 3D model of a gun I was studying out of pure curiosity. I always found guns and weapons stupid tools, something we should never have made. But now, I think that some of the wrongs in this world, or at least in this country, could be solved with a bit of gunpowder. Even if I cant know what Im supposed to do, I can still try to do something that will a positive for humanity. And its better if I do something that no one else would ever think of doing, something so radical and crazy that makes the chimps go into hiding and the framework we built crumble. Our tyrannical system and our terrible nature will both sumb to the simple calm utilitarianism of doing a favor to humanity.
Its that simple.
Or maybe
Theres really not an answer to anything.
Chapter 237: Change
Chapter 237: Change
Life is a matter of perspective. If you watch Madagascar with a cynic eye, its the tale of an old person who spent his whole life doing meaningless things, a drug addict, an egomaniac or you can just have fun while you are at it.
Taking a persons life is no different.
You can question yourself in a thousand different ways ande to a thousand different conclusions. Or you can just pull the trigger and enjoy the consequences of the act. Often, killing might bring a positive to the people around. Change is always wee. Its like having too many old people around. Ideas live and die with them. If they are tyrants and monsters, you kill them and you kill those ideas as well. And if you want a radical change in society, you need many people to die. If they dont die swiftly, then new ideas will have a hard time blossoming.
Change is not always good. There are many idiots in my generation. Many who lost sight of what really matters, blinded by the most stupid cause that makes them feel like they matter. I suffered racism, discrimination based on myst name or the fact that Im a woman in a field of men. Not field, fields. Engineering and criminal activities are usually the domain of men. And maybe thats why the big criminals are dying out. We should have had women be gangsters, not stupid idiots who think with their penis.
When I look at the corpse bleeding on the ground, I wonder what will happen to the people who manifest about the right of homosexuals. Will they go shoot the people who denied them whatever it is that they want? Or will they be the one who get shot? What about the environmentalist? Will they shoot thepanies that just think of profit and endanger the world? Or will they get shot? What about the less fortunate in the banlieues? Will they shoot the rich people who relegated them at the fringes of society?
Thest one is the scenario Im interested in. Poverty will note to an end in one night, but I hope that people at the top will be afraid. I dont care about all battles, especially some of the more ideological ones or the ones about some civil rights. I respect those who fight them, but Ive fought a broader war. Im hoping that those at the top will tremble in fear of those who have been oppressed. I hope that the employee in the richpany who worries about the most stupid issue will be shot in the street and that his co-workers will start worrying about their safety, about the conditions the hospitals are in. People will notice that maybe our health system is copsing when there will be no gauze for their gunshot wounds. And at that point, they shall arm themselves and bring a storm of change.
Will change make me feel differently?
I look at the corpse and inhale the smell of animal meat and half-giant blood. I put the gun back in my pants and go upstairs. No one is in the shop and theres little traffic at this hour of the day.
Where have you been? Mia asks me with a frown, clearly fidgety after spending an hour on her own in a building that supposedly takes care of criminals.
I wave a hand at her and look around.
Cordius is not here.
She shakes her head.
Is everything
Suddenly, the door opens and the half-giant I just mentionedes in with a serious face.
Lets go. No one wants to wait for this meeting.
Miae with me, I tell the girl while looking straight at Cordius. I need her to learn, and I need him to know who calls the shots.
Cordius doesnt flinch at my words, he simply holds the door open for both of us.
We walk toward the most famous part of Leggiadra, the ss and Steel District. The half-giant economy mostly holds itself afloat thanks to the export of ss and steel. Every craftsmen dreams of working among the lunatics popting this ce. From what Licinium told me, the [Mayor] of Leggiadra barely holds any power. No one respects him and hes a puppet of the ss and Steel District. He never mentioned more than that, though. Even he was a bit skittish of
Did Licinium work
This house, Cordius says while pointing at a building before the we enter the district proper, where the forges and the sswork go on all day without stopping, and where people stare at scraps of metal for hours, or days, on end.
You talk first. Make your proposal to them and they will listen. If they dont like it, you will be expelled from Leggiadra and we will cut every single tie we have with you. Do not threaten them.
I listen carefully and enter a seemingly normal house. But I can smell the thick dust that is created while working steel. I find around ten half-giants waiting on couches and chairs, all silent and looking at me.
Theres a weight in this room, something that is clearly not natural but a byproduct of levels and sses. This is theirpetence made manifest.
Putain.
I slowly take out a cigarette and light it under the eyes of everyone. A girl has to take the edge off with something, and it helps me with my hands. I usually fidget with my hands when I speak to groups.
My name is Cassandre El Maddouri. Ie from another world.
Not even a twitch at my first two sentences.
I take a puff and exhale, taking time to ponder what to say.
I am interested in the half-giants economy and battle. I am an engineer by trade, but not by ss.
I take another puff of the cigarette. Better to speak straight sentences and not make long-winded speeches.
I killed nine convoys of [Merchants]. I assume Cordius already showed you the corpses and I can testify to that under truth stone, spell, or contract.
They have contracts as well. Magically enforced contracts.
Nasty.
I take another puff.
I wield a deadly technology from my world. Ill be taking it out now. Slowly.
I see some of them tensing slightly while I move a hand toward the bag of holding, not the gun in my pants. I take out an unloaded gun and a few bullets while holding the cigarette between my teeth. I drag a rather small table by half-giant standards to the center of the room and ce the gun on it.
You can examine it. This is a gun. It shoots bullets made of steel at incredibly high speed. It can kill with one shot. I know how to manufacture guns and all theirponents.
I let them connect the dots of what I just said. I try not to focus on anyone speficically and I move my eyes from one to another in measured beats. I take two puffs of my cigarette this time, noting that the fingers holding the tobo stick are trembling slightly.
I killed all those [Merchants] and their [Bodyguards] with one of these guns. A bigger model. A month ago I did not have a ss.
Silence, once again, as I take yet another puff.
I was fighting a war in my old world and Id like to fight another one in this. I have no qualms with helping, especially when we consider how cowardly your enemies are acting. If possible, Id like to visit Kome as well and bring guns to the Vanedenis.
Thats it. I just keep smoking while the people in the room eye each other, but especially one rather young half-giant sitting alone on one of the couches. While some start whispering to each other, more and more look in the direction of the young half-giant. This one, instead, just looks straight at me with a contemtive expression.
He suddenly stands up and takes up in his huge hands the gun I had ced on the coffee table. This man is probably closer to three meters than two in height. He turns it in his hands and, even though he never handled one before, he starts taking it apart with ease. The gun quicklyes apart; hes probably following the instructions his skills are giving him. How he can do that without a screwdriver or anything else is a mistery.
Magic?
This is too small for a half-giant, he says, but the metalwork is impressive.
He starts putting the gun back together after staring for a few seconds at the individualponents.
We can scale the gun and make bigger bullets as well. I dont know if this can prate enchanted armor.
He picks up one of the bullets and brings it closer to his face to give it a sniff.
[Alchemists] work, he says passing the bullet to an older man with a cool pair of sses on his face. Then, he stares once again at me.
Cassandre El Maddouri, Im Melior, the leader of the ss and Steel Council. Why does a Human try so hard to do what even most half-giants are afraid of?
I look at the cigarette, whos now at its end, and I take out another, lighting it up with the first.
I was making guns in my past world and my cause wasnt as clear as the one I have here. Half-giants are suffering from idiotic choices and the fear the others species have for you. Thats a worthy cause to fight for.
Have you ever harmed, or do you n on harming any half-giant?
I killed the idiot who tore down his fathers legacy an hour ago, the son of Licinium. His body is still in the basement of Marzalliums Books.
Most people in the room freeze, but not the leader.
Licinium worked with us. We bought out his books. His son was indeed a sore spot.
He gestures toward Cordius and the [Guard] steps forward to listen to a few hushed word from the taller half-giant and then he head out.
This will be taken of. Have you harmed anyone else?
No, I answer.
Do you n on harming anyone else?
Only if we need to.
The leader turn toward all the others in the room and apparentlymunicates non-verbally with them.
We have work to do, Cassandre El Maddouri. Your offeres at the right time. Come with me.
Chapter 238: Information Network
Chapter 238: Information Network
Via was mostly paralyzed during the exchange between me and Melior, but now she looks positively amazed by the things Melior is showing us. Their forges are not dirty at allon the contrary, they look like the nest of some metal geek with OCD. Its so clean you could probably cook a quiche inside their ovens.
Melior is examining the Beretta once again.
Would you show me how it works? he asks.
I nod and put the bullets in the magazine.
If you get me a nk of wood, it would be better. Im afraid the bullet could bounce on the hard surfaces otherwise. It will sink in the wood, instead.
He gestures at two other half-giants, and I finally piece together what I found really weird about these people. They dont seem to speak a lot. I expected the whole ss and Steel District to be a meddling cacophony of shouts and swearing, but thats not it. Thats not it at all. You can only hear the smashing sound of the tools, the cking of the metal on metal, or even the mes fanning inside their forges. But no one speaks much around here.
As soon as they bring me a piece of wood inside Meliorsboratory, I take a few steps back and shoot a few bullets. I see the half-giants wince at the sound and a small grin erupts on my face. Its satisfying seeing their countenance finally crack. A gun, especially in a building, is loud.
They ced the nk of wood against a wall and now they go retrieve it with reverence. They look at the small holes put through it by the small gun with wide eyes. The punch a bullet packs is nastier than an arrow, and its prative power is on a different level altogether.
When you dont know what to expect, guns are very surprising. When you handle them long enough, you discover they can jam, that they require cleaning, that the maintenance is a pain in the ass. But what I love about guns is that they became the great equalizer of the 20th century. Men and women finally managed to kill each other with the same efficiency.
Vive l''galit!
We need further testing, Melior says with a frown while looking at the piece of wood.
An hourter and several loud gunshots, Im sitting at an inclined table made to sketch designs. The tools are a bit too big for my liking, but this is as close as it gets too technical blueprints. The half-giants are very thorough with their manners. Melior has been sitting behind my shoulders in silence, observing.
Even with the right measures, its going to take a lot of experimentation, he says as soon as he notices me taking a moment to stretch my wrist.
A couple of weeks, I nod.
The [Alchemists] will probably be able to make the raw gunpowder in a day, he says with a touch of annoyance. Hes clearly a [cksmith] or a more powerful declination of such a ss.
The smokeless variation is what we need. The residue that the most primitive gunpowder leaves behind means we cant build semi-automatic weapons. It will take them a couple of weeks, at the very least.
I turn over my should and see him nod, deep in thought.
You have our deepest gratitude, Cassandre El Maddouri, he says looking at me with great intensity. Few would be so bold as you are. And even fewer aspetent.
Perpetrating a small massacre has paid off its dividends in full.
Via is a kid, I say in response, if she tries to run, dont kill her. Just bring her back to me.
The man''s lips get thinner before he nods.
You sure you dont want a house? Melior said
I raise a hand.
I dont need one. Ill stay at the inn. And Via will stay there as well, I nudge the kid beside me. However, what about the [Merchants]? They must have noticed, by now.
Cordius shrugs.
If they did, which is not assured since they are so dull, they will think a [Bandit Leader] or worse has emerged. No one would think of us. We have never had anything to do with bandits every time they arose in the region. And sometimes we got questioned under truth stone. Since you did this, we are still in the clear. Even if theye knocking, they will have nothing on us. We have been working for a long time to get back whats ours, Cassandre.
Via, go talk to the [Innkeeper] and tell him to give us a bigger room and make something good for dinner, I hand over a few gold coins to the girl and wait for her to go her way. She hesitates. For a second, at least. Then, even though my conversation with Cordius has not ended yet, she reluctantly shuffles her feet toward the inn. Only when shes gone through the door I look back at the [Guard].
I want the wife of the man I killed dead.
Melior already took care of it. The official story is that the person you killed got a message from a distant [Notary] and that his father left him more money than he had imagined. So, both have gone their way out of the city. Every person in their neighborhood hated them, anyway. They are not going to missed and no one will ask questions.
Good.
Anything else? Cordius says, more curious to see whats on my mind than anything.
Whatever you need to do to make sure Ill bepletely loyal, dont have people touch my belongings. If anything goes missing, we are going to have a problem. Do you understand?
Sure, the man smiles.
You can go.
Im actually curious, Cassandre. I knew there was something with you from the start but this? This is Riziliuss ears whats the long-term n? You must be thinking of something, right?
Thankfully, what he just said reminded me of something.
Give me some space in the ss and Steel District and put back every single book from Marzalliums Shop there. Also, get me any information you have on bandits. Human bandits. Maps, as well. And lets schedule a talk, me and you, tomorrow at 8 in the morning. I have some ideas to discuss, more on the military side.
At your service, mdy, Cordius gives me a cheeky smile before walking back toward the Watch building.
Bi-bien va-ava-ava, Via stutters.
Bien vance, I correct her.
Well in advance, right? she asks, sighing.
I nod.
We need to speed up your training, I say, we might need it soon.
Tell me again why I have to learn this weirdnguage, she whines.
Because trantion spells are extinct. It means we can easilymunicate without anyone eavesdropping on us. And we can teach it to our future of [Informants] and [Spies]. This and cryptic messages. Ill show you a simple cipher tomorrow. Its really not hard to learn how to use one. You just have to pay enough attention.
Via, nods.
I exined some of my ns to her. I dont want her to stay with me among half-giants all the time. Ill give her enough money and the promise of much more to return; but most of all, Ill be giving her a very important job: information gathering. I need to infiltrate every single whorehouse on this damn continent and try to get all the criminals I can get under my hands. From what Licinium told me, there arerge criminal organizations around the world, but none is truly that dangerous. And [Pirates], especially, are at an all-time low. Sirens have a chokehold on seamerce and no one brings a ship upon the waves without them saying so.
Whores.
The stories I have read in the small book about the Sirens are
Focus.
I need [Prostitutes], [Pickpockets]. All the scum at the bottom of the barrel, all those who have to live off scraps and are shunned away by the rest of the world. In a way, thats what half-giants are. And when you want to start a war, those are the easiest people to convince to give away kindness and civility, to trade them for blood and death. If someone has too much to lose, theyll never take part in a war. Why risk a family, a stable job, a boring life?
The only problem is that desperate people act in the short-term. Poor people have no sense of what happens in the long term. They live in the terrible bubble that is the present moment. They are blind to what they might have earned in the long term if they just kept the route instead of being enticed by the next shiny thing.
Promises and fear, though, bridge the long-term thinking mentality you need in any organization. Promise the world, and scare them to death.
So, when I get to Keveiz Via lets her sentence hang in there, waiting for me to rify her role.
Once you get there, the most important thing is getting to know the right people. Avoid [Merchants] since you were on a convoy with them. This mission is risky because it means you might get caught. If that happens, simply tell most of the truth; that the [Merchants] and their [Bodyguards] got all killed, but you had nothing to do with it. Then, you escaped to the half-giants city, which was somewhat near. Keep to that story. Unless someone really smart is among them, its going to be enough.
Who are the right people? Via asked, trying not to think about the second part of what I just said.
Prostitutes and thieves. But just the most desperate you can find. Look for people in debt with the [Merchants] but who also hate them. Look for those [Prostitutes] who are sick of their life. Once you have interesting prospects, tell them you are part of a secret gang that needs a foothold in Keveiz. Not just that, you should also tell them that we are going to make them rich, to pay them enough money that they will never want for anything again. Make sure they dont have a family. We dont want people rooted in Kerveiz. We need those who want to leave but dont have the money to do so, who want to change but cant afford to.
Via looks at me, part confused, part scared.
Ill exin it as many times as you need to understand it I take it from the top.
Chapter 239: Gun Testing
Chapter 239: Gun Testing
Do you trust that girl?
I just met her. She could betray us and put in jeopardy our entire operation. But either I trust her, or I cant build what I need. The best people are those who serve out of their own volition, not those who are made to. If she finds purpose in this, then shell be the perfect lieutenant for this war.
I look at the ss I got two nights ago when Via left.
[Leader Level 2]
Exin the merging of sses, once again, I tell the big half-giant. They know all my sses, but they also shared some of theirs in return. They told me its better if we y it smart and that I should refuse sses that wouldnt synergize together.
If you want to be an [Engineer], you have to be careful. The strongest or highest leveled ss will prevail on the others and put the basis for what youll be. If you are more of a [Leader], its going to be something that influences [Engineers], that boosts them. You would have a ss that makes [Engineers] better under yourmand. But if you want to be more of a [Gunman], then it will get tricky to have [Leader] absorbed under it. Leadership sses are usually the one prevailing upon others. To have [Leader] absorbed, you would have to keep it low-leveled, probably under level 10.
Its amazing how skills and levels work in this world. Few things are as amazing as the process of getting stronger and stronger by the simple concept of gaining a ss or levels for your efforts.
Leaders bear the burden, I say. If you want to lead, you cant dedicate the time to be something else. The greatest need all their time to refine their crafts.
Correct.
What about the supply of steel? Whats the inventory like, is it going to be enough for the testing?
We pulled some strings and we are gathering more materials for the testing. Melior has asked for you to appear in the District today to supervise the prototypes.
Ive left very precise indications on how they should be built. Did he invite me just because of courtesy? I ask.
Cordius shrugs.
I look at all the books that I made them gather in one house. Its just a ten minutes walk to Meliors forge, but I need to know more about this world. All the strategies a person can concoct here could be foiled by one individual with the right skills and sses on the other side.
However, its hard to imagine someone would have high-leveled individuals on their side, especially a rtively small city like Keveiz. The half-giants of Leggiadra, even in their pitiful state, could easily raze it to the ground. The problems would arise from the other Humans and races of the continent who woulde knocking right after.
Did Melior tell you to keep an eye on me?
He doesnt have to tell me. Its my job to maintain security among half-giants.
Thats why hes been following me around.
If Melior has made the bullets with a big caliber, like he already suggested, you will be able to kill [Mages] with an incredible ease. If you manage to create half-giant-manned rifles, furthermore, you will be able to punch through anything.
Armies will pile upon us, Cassandre.
And well tear right through them with incredible ease. Whats the average casualty in a bloody engagement, 15%? If we have rifles and guns, we could rip apart Gold-ranked adventurers like nothing. My father used to say that when the cow falls, knives appear around it. But do you know what happens when people see a raging bull? They flee.
I look at four shining tubes of steel, all of them quite thick and unwieldly for a normal person, but just a bit on the wider size for a half-giant.
These are tests for the metals. The ck gunpowder should create bigger ripples than the finished product, or thats what Minurulex said.
Minurulex is the chief [Alchemist] in charge of the ss production for all Leggiadra. Hes not Meliors favorite person, since steel and ss have their own rivalries, but hes every bit aspetent as the huge man by my side.
The metal has not been strengthened with enchantments. We believe that only great spellcasters could cast a very even reinforcement through the metal. Otherwise, it could run the risk of creating weaker points which would make all our work for nothing. We didnt build every part of the gun, but just the ones which need to withstand the incredible force from the bullet going through them.
These pseudo-guns are mounted on some stationary thick tongs that hold them in ce. They were ced in a veryrge field which gives all of us plenty space to be safe.
Well be behind those rocks, Melior points to some carved rocks by the side. If anything goes wrong, the explosions could propel the pieces of metal up to here and kill someone. Some of my apprentices wanted to have some tests in the forge he trembles in anger for a second. We have some people with the skills able to trigger weapons at distance. We have done a dry run without bullets and it worked. Now, we test the different steel alloys we made and see which one better withstands the force of the bullets. Then, if some survive, we start conducting stress tests with the same dirty powder until the metal breaks.
Is the quality even among those four?
I forged them myself. Theres not one weakness in that steel. Its going to take longer to develop the right techniques to mass-produce them like you said, but I can guarantee you that the construction quality is the best on this continent.
Melior bes chatty when talking about his profession and work. Hes usually one of the most silent even among the whole quiet district. But I find his mind works wonders when we talk about this line of work so much that if we spoke in hush, you could barely tell me from him without hearing the pitch of our voices.
Lets see, then, I go behind the big rock that Melior had had carved as a shield from some [Masons].
Melior gestures toward one of his apprentices who runs over with a roll of paper. He looks over the numbers for a second and then raises a hand toward a small group of peoplethose with the triggering skills.
The first gunshot is loud. So loud.
Merde.
I almost jumped on the spot. But Melior actually did, clearly breathing faster than before. His apprentice dropped the papers and is now taking them up from the ground.
[A cksmiths Dear], my skill tells me that the weapon is still intact. It has sustained some damage but can probably keep shooting. Lets check.
When we go out, I see that the gun is still all in one piece, surprisingly. If you are not familiar with the standards of medieval forging, theres no way that a normal [cksmith] could have engineered something capable of withstanding the force generated to propel a bullet out of the chamber. This is a testament to Meliors skills.
He takes up the tube of metal after loosening the tongs and starts examining it. I look at the targets they ced around 40 meters from the guns. The one they aligned with the first gun has no bullet hole.
The trajectory was faulty, I tell Melior.
The tongs moved. The gun is still intact. Less damage than I thought. My skill gave me information I could not decipher well. The explosion was marked as damage, but theres no sign that this wouldnt be able to keep shooting all day long. How hot runs a smokeless powder?
No idea, I shrug. Well test that. Check the other tongs before we shoot the other guns.
It takes Melior half an hour to secure the guns in a way that the recoil wont mess up with the trajectory of the bullet. Im still skeptical of whether or not this guns can shoot straight, but Melior doesnt seem bothered at all by my doubtsif anything, this might be the first time Ive seen the guy smile.
He cant wait to prove me wrong.
And when the second gun shoots, thats what happens. He does prove me wrong. The target gets hit right in the center of the chest. Some of the half-giants with archery and projectile rted sses helped Melior point the gun in the right direction, but this is insane.
As Melior examines the second gun with a frown he starts exining the ballistics involved in the process. I could have never imagined a person like him could exist at this point in time; what he talks about is basically the inception of the scientific method, something that was developed ratherte in Human history and that still gets challenged every day.
They ced it in the best way without using their skills, but mostly their intuition. Its a straight tube, so no great effort was required. I forbid the use of skills because they could have adjusted the trajectory of a faulty gun.
I look at the insane damage this dirty bullet made by half giants, something around the .50 caliber, did to the mannequin they used. The targets look like scarecrows and this one lost a big chunk of his chest. Ballistic mannequins would give us a better idea of the damage on a real person, but this is good enough.
This one is too damaged to shoot again. The internalyer of steel is cracked. It could shoot another bullet, but then it would either crack or explode.
I nod toward Melior and we resume the testing.
After twenty minutes or so, we are sitting in his forge with some blueprints and alloys in front of us.
The first proved to be the best. I cant strengthen it further without making it impossible for other to reproduce. I would need to use special skills that the other [cksmiths] do not have. This one, with a margin of error, can be remade. If the [Alchemists] can figure out the powder you described, we can work on the real prototypes.
It took Melior barely a few days to produce an alloy capable of withstanding a bullets propelling force. But what really mattered was the war that we were going to fight.
Chapter 240: The Price of War
Chapter 240: The Price of War
Bitch! Why dont you answer your goddamn phone?! Nadine shouts from the other end of the phone.
Bitch, what time is it? I grog with the oversized smartphone by my ear, rubbing my forehead.
Time to wake the fuck up, bitch, Nadine says.
Fuck you, bitch.
Bitch, Im going to p your ass red! Come down, Ive been under your apartment for thirty minutes! Lets go have breakfast!
Putain.
I hope you choke on a dick one of these days, I reply to her, looking around the messy room from the bed and opting for the first semi-clean top I could put my hands on. I grip the soft duvet covering my naked body and take in the cozy warm feeling of it, hoping to bring some of it with me in the cold foggy Fall in Paris.
Seeing my face with make-up still on from the night before, I sigh.
Bitch, you look like you have seen the Devil, Nadine says to me.
You always look like I should choke you, I reply to my hyperactive friend.
Wouldnt you like that? she says with augh, bumping her much wider hips against mine.
So, whats new? I ask her with a yawn.
Bitch, you just came down and you are already talking business? Get me some croissant if you want to hear anything from me. And we are going shopping this afternoon. Your current look likes the nightmares that haunt those two cocksuckers of Dolce and Gabbana.
Always the Duchess, Nadine, I say with a smile.
You can bet your Muslim ass on it, Nadine says while maneuvering a cigarette to her mouth with four-centimeters-long nails.
Do you have a lighter she starts mumbling with the cigarette between the pink glossyied lips when I have the thing already halfway out of my pocket. I love you so much, she adds, biting the sounds down.
I snatch a cigarette for myself and light it up.
You better start buying them for yourself, bitch.
If I start buying them, I be a smoker. If I just steal them from you, Im just having fun, you know, I smirk.
Nadine is a ck prostitute whose parents came from Nigeria to make a better life for themselves. Her father was an architect back there. Right here, instead, hes in prison. He started dealing drugs when he couldnt find any job, not even in the most remoted vige in France. Nadine brothers deal drugs and, in a way, they work for me. Shes always been my friend and when I started my little shenanigans, she immediately went along. Shes my fashion guru and my big sister, probably the person I love the most in the entire world.
We sit in one of the most expensive ces to have breakfast at in the entire city, getting a bad look from all the waiting staff. Once they even asked us to leave because of our aspect. I kindly asked some of my subordinates to have a word with them after hours.
Two cappinos, two brioches, and Nadine lets thest word hang, waiting for me to add something.
A water, and maybe some fresh-squeezed orange, I tell the nervous white girl who came to us.
Maybe? the waitress asks.
It means that you choose what to do, if you mess up, we mess you up, bitch, Nadine says with the smile of someone who owns the ce.
Bring it, please, I say, waving Nadine quiet.
O-ok, the girl is basically crying when she goes back.
Nadine, you dont have to do that, you know, I tell her with a judging stare.
Oh, why not, bitch? If the girls going to cry, let her. And it was a joke, bitch.
I raise my hands, not willing to argue with this unreasonable woman. I love her, but she has her own views of the world and its not easy to challenge her on them. Or better, its very unpleasant and loud to do so.
She dishes outa fashion magazine like a teacher with a retarded student. She even put some post-it notes on some outfits I should buy. I start browsing the thing while she keeps smoking. We are sitting outside, both of us in furs. The one shes wearing its a gift from me, something that she could have hardly afforded on her own. I helped her improving her clientele by miles, but shes still not racking in the same kind of cash I managed tond my hands on.
I take out and rip a few post-its on the most obscene outfits but I keep most of them in. Nadine, for all shes a prostitute, has excellent taste. She wanted to give a shot to the fashion world, but even in our times its not really somewhere where people like Nadine can easily get into.
Good stuff, I tell Nadine while putting away the magazine in my bag.
Cassie, bitch, I dont understand why you cant put a little more effort to look like the queen bitch you are.
They got Capone on tax charges, I say shrugging.
But your money, she looks around and puts her w-ish nails on the table, hunching forward and whispering, looks legit because of that fucking inte.
How?
Subscription websites tounder money. As simple as that. Take a bunch of prostitutes, make a photographer profile on the most well-known websites, then its down to create a of dummy ounts doing untraceable payments. I didnt handle most of the technicalities, but I know enough to be sure that my ie looks like the next upstart making her way through the world thanks to selling sex fantasies to those who have the cash. In reality, only a small part of the payments I get to my ounts are real. There are people paying for those pictures, but mostly its a of fake ounts being created to pay the highest subscription possible. That creates a taxable ie. Plus, if you deal in things impossible to put a real value on, even if you post hot pictures that wouldnt really gather that following, who can prove otherwise? What are they going to do, a cross-analysis between the nude-content creators?
I take another cigarette from Nadine while sipping on my orange juice.
Can I ask a racist question?
Bitch, you are a Muslim, what are you talking about? Nadine almost chokes on her croissantughing.
You are such a bitch, Iugh myself, but how would you feel if they gave you one of those Nigerian names? Or have you ever thought why our parents gave us French names?
Nadine goes silent for a second, giving me hopes that shes seriously considering the question.
Because they are dumb as shit, sheughs.
Oh, bitch,e on! Dont you ever think about changing your name to something more
More what? Nigerian? Bitch, Im not gonna get called no Ukelele, okay?
The orange juice goes out of my nose as Im literally dying ofughter. Nadine drops the cigarette on her expensive leather pants and starts swearing. We paint a terrible picture to the rest of the mostly white audience at the ce, and, even while choking, I can see the owner bitching about us with some of his staff.
Fucking, bitch, are you trying to kill me? And what if someone from Nigeria hears you? Isnt that racist?
Bitch, if any of them are near me, they are going to look at this ass, certainly not worrying about socio-political bullshit like you do all the time, Miss Bastille.
Do you ever think of the British group that called themselves Bastille?
Bunch of f
Come on, I put my hands over my ears.
Bitch, you are too sensitive. You know how your job gets peopleyou know? Why you so sensitive, then?
Come on, I repeat.
Bitch, Im serious. Gotta get those tits harder, you know. And maybe bigger, too. But harder, for sure.
I raise a hand toward the waitress, ignoring Nadine.
Another croissant. And another cappino. Also, you know what, bring me another orange juice, thank you, I look at the girl and smile.
I dont tip. This girl is waiting tables. If she thinks shes entitled to my money just because of that, shes wrong. Nadine and Ie from the deepest viscera of this monster of a country. Basic courtesy should be extended to people only doing their work. But thats where it ends.
You got an appetite on you, bitch. Good for you, you need to flesh up those bones of yours, Nadine says, whipping another cigarette in her mouth.
Some days I wish you hadnt passed this smoking thing on me, bitch, I tell her, zing up another cigarette with the butt of thest on.
So, bitch, lets talk business, she says, happy I waited for her to get her filling of chit-chat.
I gesture with the cappino in my hand and nod.
Got five properties good to go, she says in-between puffs of smoke, three of which in countryside around Nantes. One around Nancy. Thest one is somewhere in the industrial zone of Lyon. If you put people working there, we are talking about twenty-three spot since we already have eighteen up and running.
Do you know that cryptocurrency can, on a level, be traced? Its not all dark web this and silk road that, as some people believe. When you are a big yer, you have to deal on secret protocols, foreign countries, and many inconvenient things. The fact that Im rich in the open, for example, is purely for my own convenience. And to travel around with the excuse of wasting all these money left and right. But when ites down to it, the real deals of money are exchanged toward China and Pakistan. Not much dealings in India. But the two previously mentioned countries provide me with the workers needed to run illegal nts. People desperate for money that I can cover in literal gold.
Now, with twenty-three spots up and running, our supply of weapons skyrockets. The most isted, basically basements running in the countryside, are where the bullets are made. Its one thing to manage a gun-frameand another to go around causing explosions in a city.
I look down at the ky crumbles left on the table by the croissants just to raise my head a secondter when I hear Nadineugh.
Whats up, bitch? I ask with a smile.
Do you ever think about the fact that we are basically gang leaders?
Am. Not are.
Terrorists. Not gang leaders.
Yeah, we are two boss bitches, I say with I wink.
Weugh it over while I mull some of my ns on my own. No one has really figured out what we are doing inside our organizations. In the end, we do really just run gun manufacturing nts and sell the products. Some news channels are even catching up with it after almost two years of running this trade.
But no one has figured out the endgame.
I look down at Nadines body, butt naked on a hospitals bed. She died with a horrible hospitals gown on, something that she would have absolutely hated. Not in style, not covered in her precious gems and expensive clothes. She had died while they tried to remove a bullet to the chest. The surgery was not easy, and the hospital has always been overworked. There was a mistake dictated by how tired the surgeon was. Nothing to me him or worse, kill him for.
I look at the body on the bed while her brothers are arguing about some stupid deal that she was supposedly involved on. She hadnt told me anything about it. Our entire operation had a lot of scouts and spies among escorts and prostitutes. And Nadine had engineered most of that, she had been the boss bitch managing all of them with her snarling remarks and her sass.
I go out while the voices of those men are just white noise in the background, a sad soundtrack to yet another casualty of war.
The neons are flickering above my head, probably needing a change, and maybe some rest. Not unlike me.
Chapter 241: Keveiz
Chapter 241: Keveiz
When I look at the body in my arms, splinters of ss, wood, and steel they tatter the slender body of Via. One of them lodged itself under her eye, giving a macabre sort of monocle to her, but also making it morbidly more refined than she had ever been. Its maybe a promise of a life she could never had, something she had never and maybe would have never reached. And this splinter of ss is maybe a parting gift, a sore goodbye to reality to ascend to something else.
Why dont I feel much?
When I look down at the dead corpse, I feel bothered. I feel bothered because I have to dig a hole for her I cannot leave her out in the open. And theres some pain, but its hidden so deep I cant feel it. I can rationalize the thought of having some pain, somewhere in some deep dark nook of my body.
Am I a psychopath? A sociopath?
I got tested. And I researched the topic. But thats not the case. Im not blessed with such a condition that would make it much easier to justify my thoughts. Its not pathology. Its something corrupt in my soul, something much worse.
I look at the scorched armor on Cordiuss figure, taking stock of the big rifle hes holding onto. Smoke billows around us in a litany of doom, spelling the fate of the city of Keveiz, now razed to the ground.
Not every endeavor ends well. Via built a shaky foundation for [Spies] and such, and she died because of one of the bombs we built. No heroic death. She stepped too close to an explosion point because she didnt know what being close to a bomb entails. Not a fair death. Not the ugliest, maybe. She died almost instantly because a splinter went through her skull by the temple. And thats how another person dies. Meaninglessly.
Have the [Merchants] been apprehended? I ask, looking around. Civilians cry the casualties among them, mothers on their daughters bodies, and son on their fathers.
Communications have been cut. If we can keep the fires down, no one will know that Keveiz has fallen.
Thats one of the best things about living in a world that is poorly connected, where long distancemunications are rare and scarce in between. Thats what I used to ambush a [Merchant] after another. And thats how Keveiz falls and the half-giants can get mines back. I wish I could say that I dont know how long it has been since the day I arrived here. But I know. Four months. Four months counted as this world does.
I have not explored much of the continent. I stayed among the half-giants, focusing wholly on a war strategy, on how to create the perfect war machine. The heavy industry of the half-giants will be fed by the incredible reserves in Keveiz now. And when the next convoy or traveler will reach the city, they will know that this is where half-giants have stomped their footprint in the ground. In their Lore, Rizilius is the great giant who could stomp the ground so strongly he would createkes, deep ravines, and even extinguish citiesthats how big he was. But his ears could pick even the smallest bird chirping, even the gravel being disced by a human foot. His heart was purer than gold, as transparent as the brightest crystal. And he would be extremely careful, moving and resting only when no one would get hurt. He was so massive that he would cause earthquakes with his every move. And so, he moved with the smallest steps. And thanks to his ears, he could tune his movements to nature, making it so that no one would get hurt, not even the trees he stepped on. He would only hurt the earth when it became arid and infertile, breaking it up and reconciling with its deepestyers, the ones in touch with Mother Nature herself.
But one day, he was attacked by Humans, and the battle made him deaf. He was so tall he was could barely see the ground. For years he had relied on his great hearing to avoid disasters, but now, with his heads among the clouds, he could barely tell what was happening. And an age of darkness descended onto the world, because even Riziliuss kindness was not enough to prevent entire cities being erased from maps.
And no one could kill the great giant. No one could fell the mighty monster who now cried in sorrow, knowing he was doomed to kill every time he moved. The Humans had tried to kill him because his very body was a treasure worth an entire era. But they had only made him deaf. And now, they were paying the price. No one could kill the giant, not even Rizilius could kill himself. He didnt want for water nor food. He kept trying to stay still. But he would need to sleep. And whenever he slept, he would roll over cities, destroy civilizations that had been up for millennia. He tried sleeping in the sea, but great tsunamis were generated when he walked there.
He was allowed no rest, no movement, no real life.
He wept and he wept.
Thankfully, for all he was too powerful, he wasnt Immortal. One day, he died of old age, and the Humans greedily took apart his body. But his flesh, his boneseverything he was made of had be frailer than dust, not harder than a fist of sand. He dissolved into nothing, leaving the deepest gully the world had ever known. Some argued that it was his tears that had eroded the soil so deeply that his body could finally rest in it.
I sigh.
Obviously, there are inconsistency in this myth, but its a fascinating legend nheless. Especially when you are surrounded by the stench of wooden houses burning; you would be surprised how quickly a city can disappear when its not made from concrete.
[ss Consolidation Requirements Met]
[Gunman Level 19 Absorbed]
[Leader Level 13 Absorbed]
[Engineer Level 23 Absorbed]
[Warlord of Fire, Steel, and ss ss Acquired!]
[Warlord of Fire, Steel, and ss ss Level 10!]
[Skill Troops: Free Ammunition Acquired!]
[Skill Troops: Automatic Reload Acquired!]
Warlord?
Im getting bored of just staring around, so I open my mouth to taste all the smoke dancing around us. And it tastes just like a [Warlord of Fire, Steel, and ss].
Melior, what have the other cities said in response to our delegation?
The Hydras are ignoring us. The Goblins are more interested in getting their supply of iron than anything else. The Human factions controlled by the Sirens are getting worked up. We killed almost every person who saw us using the guns, and even if they somehow got their hands on some survivor which is unlikely, - they will likely just talk about explosions. No one we have in the city logs has such powerful eye skills.
What about the Log Cutters and the Foxmen?
They are all standing by. Theres fear, but its likely that some groups will try to infiltrate the town. [Infiltrators] are to be expected. [Spies], less likely, but still possible. There are half-giants around the continent.
The logs were a good idea, the half-giant says, looking directly at me.
Trained [Scribes], [ountants], and so on it will take time. Do we have any news from Lady Goldith?
Our own secret channels are still up. She sentmendation for your work and expressed great interest in joining up our forces in the future. Shes preparing to fight a great contingent of Ahalis. Apparently, two [Dragonyers] are leading the charge and they will mostly have lite groups on their side.
Shes a great woman, but she needs better organization around her. I saw what she sent us and that Gazius could be doing more. Much more, I tell him.
Lets not mess with the Vanedenis, for the moment, Cassandre, Melior says. Shes a great woman, but she doesntI have the impression, Cassandre, she is a dangerous ally. If its true that Vanedenis never stop, Lady Goldith incarnates the best qualities of her people. So, shes either going to win the war, and potentially be a [Hero], or doom yet another noble family of theirs.
We cant do much, anyway. Sirens will not let us. If we could have gone en masse to Kome, we would already be there, Melior. That would have been a straightforward battle with straightforward allies. Here? We are not well armed to deal with espionage. People can just jump over the walls and steal a weapon. What happens when a level 50 [Thief] takes interest in what we are doing?
Humans cant replicate my work, Melior snaps back. No one on Carilia, not even Hydras, would know what to do with guns. And anyway, the knowledge of guns wille out at some point.
Betterter than sooner, Melior. Have they been locked out following my instructions?
The half-giant nods, staying silent to avoid a fight. We have not been agreeing on everything,tely. Its not a problem, yet, but I suspect that he feels Im slowly undermining his authority. Truth to be told, I am. My leadership is much better than his when ites to this war. Melior is the [cksmith] and the representative for the Steel faction. Im the brain of this operation.
About the Log Cutters, thats apparently a powerful multi-city political faction spread all over the South of Carilia. The namees from the fact that they made their fortunes as [Merchants] dealing with woods. Carilia has the highest quality wood among all continents. Some of ites from the fact that, even though [Druids] are somehow extinct, Nymphs exist. They are a race. Not exactly like the myths on Earth, but more like an anthropomorphic, humanoid-looking, version of them. What makes them different from Humans is mostly the skin color and the great attunement to magic and faith. They venerate one of the Canti.
The Foxmen have an incredibly number of [Pyromancers] even by [Mage] standards, where everyone just loves to learn how to throw a [Fireball], and eventually makes their entire personality about it. They are attuned to fire. Obviously, not all of them are [Pyromancers]. Just three or four times the numbers you would see in a normal poption. Maybe more. Statistics are hardly a thing, here.
I have established a channel ofmunication of with Vanedenis. They are even crazier than how stories paint them. Lady Goldith outright asked if we were willing to risk travel by boat and climb the 4.000 meters tall rocky coast that leads up to their continent. Yes, Kome is 4.000 meters above the sea level, with rocky walls that are perfectly perpendicr to the waves.
She even said that maybe the best of us would survive.
She doesnt believe we would all survive, just the good ones. I mean, she does need Melior and a few others, including me, I guess. But still, there was no irony, no joke. That was apletely fine request in her mind. Lady Goldith, the new hope of the Vanedenis.
Thats what happens when a woman leads.
I smile widely.
Chapter 242: Food
Chapter 242: Food
I look at the bowl of soup in front of me and I realize something.
Its been six months since I arrived among half-giants. We won a crucial battle, conquered a city and the mine connected to it. I rooted many [Spies] by having the entire poption interrogated for simple things, had the average level of half-giants shoot up by six level, gave back life to a steel industry and even reinstated some trading deals now that we control the supply of iron from the massive reserve under our asses
But I have not taken one look at the food Ive been eating.
Six months.
I could probably recite almost every single monarch in existence in this world, every single political faction, all the info about levels, sses, and culture. I have been studying relentlessly, even checking which natural resources are in abundance or scarce where and how to profit from them. I have gotten two letters from Lady Goldith, the woman who ughtered the enemy army of Ahalis, who had Sirens dispatch a world-wide notice about re-enforcing the ban on trade toward Kome. Not that there was much to start with, but this woman has
Im losing the thread of my thoughts once again.
What I have never paid attention to is what Ive been eating. I have been eating without even looking at what enters my stomach. Just now, that something spicy has made its way in front of me, I look at the meaty soup in front of me. I dont really know the name, neither what its supposed to be. I pass a hand through my hair, noting how oily they feel. Another part of me Ivepletely forgotten to take care of.
Cordius, I m a hand on the table to make him jump straight. Its one of the few entertainments I have. Making fun of the half-giant make everything livelier.
Riziliuss ears, Cassandre, he stutters, looking up from some reports. What, now?
One would think a [General] would have better manners, I shoot back.
He looks straight at me, deadpanned, waiting.
Do we have a kitchen in this ce? I look around the office we have in a building custom-made to house the council that has taken over the half-giants new city. No [Mayor] this time, not ever as a puppet for show.
Yes, why?
Lets take a break, I say, getting up. I want to make some food.
Is this another surprise quiz? I told that I have been studying, but I dont want to waste another three hours in a room with a bunch of papers to test
Its not a surprise quiz. Come on, lets go.
The grumbling half-giant [General] gets up and follows me outside, toward the market.
Surprisingly, pig farming is not a priority of half-giants. Why that is goes beyond me. Even though theres a substantial amount of meat in their diet, ites mostly from beef and poultry. Cows seems to be more popr than any other animal, though. And some cows, as you can imagine, are even magical. Not the ones that are owned in Leggiadra.
But what this means is that no cold cuts are present here, nor popr. No smi, no ham. They exist, Cordius told me. But not anywhere close. Its almost an exotic food, if you want to believe them.
That is, obviously, a huge problem when you get certain cravings. For all the women in my generation learned how to hate bread and flour-based products, that was never the case for me. Neither me nor the abundant Nadine had ever anyint about a carb-rich diet. In particr, having a baker as a father, it was a given that we would mostly eat what didnt sell at the end of the day. In a way, I always hoped that the day had not been good, so that we could eat the best bread, or the mini pizzas that he made.
Pizza.
Thats one thing I never tried my hand at. My father could make some small and rotund disk that he liked to call mini pizzas, but that were more like bread with tomato sauce on top. Nheless, I always loved pizzas. Maybe even more than baguettes. Thats one of the reasons I took so many trips to that country, I think. Italian men, they are a pain; handsy, loud, and rude. But also charming and dark, less whiningpared to the French counterpart. Nadine loved British men, but as for the why, that will always be a mystery.
I still remember when I went over to a chocte tasting in Perugia, organized by a great academy of Chefs. A guy, younger than me, the only idiot with a blue and orange baseball hat, won. He was a kid, though. How the traditionalist Italians allowed him on stage with that ridiculous cap is a mystery.
Softer, I tell Cordius, while he forcefully kneads the dough.
We bought some flour and some vegetables. I felt like cooking to take the edge off, to let my mind wander a little.
Today is a bad day.
Its one of those days where things are going exceedingly slow and my mind goes in the ces I abandoned a long time ago; it goes to when I still had doubts about my life, about what I did, when I used to question everything.
Do you ever see a movie and hear some loser say: Oh my God, it shouldnt have killed that person!
I root for the killing. I dont know why. It makes me feel in peace. Its so easy to whip a gun out and shoot your problems. The social interactions, those are much harder. Not that I despise thempletely, to be clear. They are just harder. Much harder.
And so, when I see some brain simply explode instead of countless hours of whining, my heart finds peace.
I root for the killing. Always have.
I choose something and stick with it. I am aware that if one day I should ever question all I did, I might be paralyzed. I dont think I can function as a person. My life goes too fast to have any semnce of normalcy in it. Theres no space for love, family, not even for real friends. Its just something that I epted. Its like leading a huge corporation. Once you have so many things to manage and oversee, life goes at a different speed for you. You start thinking in different wayspared to the normal person, you have to take split-second decisions. Its easy to criticize the positions of power without understanding the struggle they go through. And thats precisely why those up there should have firm principles. If you dont the speed will swallow you whole, chew you up, and spit the bones right after. Unless something anchors you to reality in a powerful way, you stop being yourself, you be the figure, an actor.
It''s not too bad.
I know that what Im doing is good. I cant certainly reign over the kingdom that Im building, but Im sure it will be for good. Or that it will bring good changes down the line. When a system is corrupt, a reset gives people opportunities. The well-being of people should be above the well-being of the economy, always. But for that to happen, certain things will need to die. Certain people will need to die.
Is this good enough? Cordius asks, looking at his fingers sticky with dough in irritation.
I nod.
If ites to it, Ill kill the half-giants as well. They are in the weak position. But if they were to abuse their power, Ill bring them down. I like to think of myself as a countermeasure to tyranny and oppression. Nothing more. [Warlord] is a good ss to enforce it.
Days such as this one are not unique. Theye and go. Once a year. Every few months. Surprisingly enough, not when someone dies. When Nadine died, it was all silent. There was some ache somewhere, but it was mostly white noise. There was no ring need for anything. Life went ahead. It was like a breakup that helps with losing weight and going to the gym more regrly. And maybe that is an apt metaphor. If you are in a rtionship or, worse, you get married and have children, there are only so many things you can do. Your time is not yours anymore. You have to tend to your children or/and to your rtionship. Its not bad, but it is a responsibility. Once people get out of that responsibility, they have more time on their hands. And if you have more time, you can obviously do more. Not everyone does more, to be clear. Not everyone has what it takes. Some fall to depression, drug, binge-eating. But some others go back to the gym, maybe hoping they will soon have their appeal back on the meat market.
Hey, miss, how you doin? the kid who won thepetition, still in his white chef uniform and his baseball hat asks.
Your chocte was very good, I smile at him and reply in English, almost with a maternal instinct in me. The kid speaks perfect English. Hes probably American, given the ent. I was among the jurors and I voted for him.
Heh, not too shabby, am I right?
Not too shabby, I reply, savoring the foreign expression.
Now, listen, do you want to go out and have dinner with me to celebrate? he asks with a big wide smile.
Im sorry, Im not sure I got that, I say, confused by how fast he speaks.
Oh, dont worry. Not even the Chefs speak good English here! Anyway. You. Me. Dinner. Date. How about that?
How about that?
Oh, no, no, you are too young, I say in my heavy French ent.
Too young? Whats the matter with you? How old are you, eighteen? Im seventeen. Isnt that about right? What, afraid they are going to arrest you? Dont worry, Im not a rat. And besides, whats so wrong with some dinner, huh?
I concentrate on his words and I believe I got everything this time around.
Im sorry, cher, Im busy. Tomorrow Im going back to France.
Holy macaroni, are you French? Oh, I hear the ent now. How old are you?
Bye, bye! I tell him, turning away from him.
Goddamn Frenchie
I dont remember his name, which is highly unusual for me. But still, it was a funny memory. And the small choctepositions he made were truly otherworldy
I sigh, wondering what would have happened in a different life. But that doesnt matter. In this one, Im in a different business. As I was saying, Im ready for anything, even for the half-giants to turn treacherous and vile as the ones who oppressed them so far.
I look at Cordius and wonder if it would be hard to snap his neck, and all the others who woulde after.
Not too hard.
Its never too hard.
I look at the dough under my hands and I realize that my baking skills have gone down the drain.
The dough has clumps.
Putain.
Chapter 243: Alchemy
Chapter 243: Alchemy
The people of Leggiadra are cheering, apuding, and shouting blessings toward usme as well. They know that the Human woman somehow helped with a war that no one had thought about for decades. Even Melior and his ego had to recognize my gigantic contribution to their cause. And so, now that things are in the open, they told the entire city what was going on. Most of it, at least. Theres still a fake [Mayor] and the faade goes on, but they know about my involvement, at least marginally. They didnt tell everyone how instrumental I was, how my guns were the cornerstone of the war, what tipped the scale in our favor. But while we parade back home, some of the people cheer for me as well.
We are having a triumphant march across the wide streets of Leggiadra. Im atop a majestic horse, a particr breed popr among half-giants because they need to sustain their great weight. Slowerpared to some stallions, but great warhorses nheless. Not that we actually needed horses, to be clear.
Smile, I hear Cordiuss voice by my side. People dont want to see broody Human when we areing back victorious for the first time in centuries.
I put on a warm smile and let my head zone out.
Thats where most of the war has been fought.
My head.
I wonder what sort of people are on the other side of the battlement. What monsters and heroes are waiting for us? Will we be enough to y them all? Will we be able to overturn the oppression that afflicted the half-giants?
Cassandre! Child! Your work as been nothing short of amazing! Excellent! We need to celebrate so hard that we will visit our ancestors home when the moon touches the darkest point of the night!
So, this is Minurulex, the ss faction''s chief [Alchemist]. When he''s around other half-giants, he tends to keep to himself, but this is more due to culture than anything else. Unlike the other crafters, he likes being loud and cheery. And the only reason I saw him so little so far has been because he tried as hard as he could to replicate smokeless powder that didnt leave any residue behind.
I owe you ten levels! he shouts, do you have any idea what that means? Girl, you are the most wonderful gift our ancestors could have ever brought us!
Melior has disappeared before our delegation reached the ss and Steel District. He either had some other business to attend or he simply wanted to avoid the brunt of the celebrations.
You owe me nothing, Minurulex, I tell him with a smile, your work is beyond me. I just gave you a recipe and a few disjointed memories. It was all you.
Ah! You know how to tter an older man, Cassandre El Maddouri, he says with eyes shaped like hearts.
But worry not because I will forever remember your contribution! And if you only knew how much your insights about acids and bases helped us! Riziliuss ears! You have no idea! We also made the bulletproof ss that you talked about! And putting transparent sheets between ss? Cassandre, you have advanced our research by decadesno, what am I saying?! By centuries!
I give him a genuine smile.
Minurulex is older than Melior by fifteen years. Melior, as I came to understand, is destined to be the greatest [cksmith] of several centuries of half-giant history. Minurulex, for all his talent is just one step below, has always suffered theparison with the younger Melior. Why? That step isrger than most might imagine. Being a great genius and being a child prodigy are two entirely different things. But now that he had new things to work on, he believes he can finally catch up to Meliors legendary fame. And hes not entirely wrong. Melior has talent in spades, but I dont think I have ever saw someone as sharp as Minurulex. entric, sure, but the brightest mind I have ever met.
Oh God, I think I forgot the me on at myb! he suddenly exims.
You didnt, another half-giant, bigger and younger than Minurulex says with an exasperated expression.
Xhantior, Minurulexs assistant. His opposite in many regards. Very bright mind, but not as bold nor creative as Minurulex.
Oh, phew, thatsforting.
Minurulex experiences anxiety in a unique way. He''s prettyid-back when ites to his work. But he can still make silly blunders now and then. He forgets about official documents, leaves mes on when he shouldn''t, and so on. Melior apparently confined him to hisb at some stage since Minurulex hadpletely forgotten about a treaty they had signed and had failed to supply two months'' worth of materials to him.
That matter had been put to rest when an angry Melior epted that Minurulex be confined tob arrests, meaning that the man wouldnt be able to leave hisb for two straight months and until he delivered all the reagents that Melior had requested.
Yet, the most defining quality of his, as I already mentioned, is his cheeriness.
I have made a new system of ss that traps [Light] spells. Do you remember your advice?
I quickly tense up and cast a wary gaze toward the [Alchemist]. Thats because I mentioned something of extreme importance to him, and him only. I dont know why it seemed so fitting, but when first Minurulex, he mentioned something about [Lights] and how half-giants once had some of the most powerful [Light Mages] in the entire world. Until then, I had been convinced that [Light Mages] were useless. But the truth seems to be hidden among legends and myths. And while talking to Minurulex, the poem that Licicium had recited to me came back to my mind.
By noble burden and foretoken dear,
A notice I pass on the sleeping seams
Of the stripped world that disappears,
For rotten enemies spun long schemes,
Aethereums magic long lives its death,
A faint dream of deaths nigh surprise,
Of his foes multiplying vile demise,
Look for Light, and shed your breath
Quench the war of the Dragons Folly,
Or suffer a thousand tragedies mncholy.
Look for light.
That was the hint.
Even though we''re in Minurulex''sb, I suddenly feel the need for privacy. We''re going to talk about something that gave me goosebumps. When something is unnerving by nature, it implies that there are deeper, darker realities lurking under the surface. That was the case with the poem Licinium had recited. Because of the poem, I came to the realization that I could be in aputer-generated world; it all felt too programmed, almost arranged in such a way. After that day, I started seeing shadows where the sun should have been, and mysteries on top of every lip.
Look for light.
Xhantior, leave us some privacy, I tell Minurulexs assistant.
As the room empties, with the rest of the [Alchemists] leaving it, I look straight at the middle-aged [Alchemist] who has a cunning smile.
We have stumbled on something big, havent we? Bigger than my ancestors footprints.
Tell me about this discovery.
I look at a ss where a bright [Light] spell is trapped. Its cold and smooth at the touch, but theres a vibrating power underneath the still surface. Minurulex has trapped the [Light] in a spire, at first. Then, he tried the same with different shapes of ss.
Do you have any idea what we are looking at? I ask him.
Only Minurulex has ess to this private room. Experiments that demand the utmost level of security can only be epted here. Not even the smokeless gunpowder was something Minurulex deemed necessary to hide from his assistants and the [Alchemists] working below him. He had the whole town of Leggiadra at his disposal, and with the money he was making, he could get the support he needed for any project; for all Minurulex wasnt loved by all half-giants for his quirky ways, he knew how to make an impression on those of the townsfolk who held him in contempt.
Crafting sses like mine have appraising skills to help us value, preserve and create. Working with your hands all your life also improves your ability to appreciate great craftsmanship. Whatever this is, Cassandre, its big.
"How did you get from a simple poem to this?" I asked.
The half-giant goes over a bookshelf where a shielding spell has been casted. Minurulex retrieves an antique tome that appears to have been damaged and missing more than one page at first nce, but is otherwise in good condition.
My ancestors were driven from their homnd eons ago and forced to fight to survive. This is recorded in fragments and we dont know where giants originally came from. At first, they lived on simplend. Then they made homes underground, in the very earth, in the air, in the waters. They adapted to whatever they needed to survive. And they fought. Eventually, the wars became less about survival and more about domination. They were brutal and ournd was scarred by the violence. The greatnd empires were formed at that time. But again, this is recorded fragments and poetry we are talking about. At some point, giants were all killed, and only their minor spawn survived.
You meant half-giants?
Yes.
The man looks sad while resting his hand on the old tome. His eyes shine, and there is something almost eager in his manner, that is quite different from a moment ago. No doubt, the old book is responsible for this.
Do you know what this is?
I look at the old tome with a linework resembling a man and a forge. I shake my head.
This is a cookbook for [Alchemists], ancient recipes that make little sense. Most ingredients I dont even know where to fetch. The tome is written as a poem if you can believe it. Half-giants have always been very artistic in this regard, but this is one of those tomes that somehow got among the most important books. We even tried copying it, but this is enchanted. You need to ask for a recipe and it will give it to you if you are lucky. The worst thing is that you have to know what you are looking for; the second worst thing is that most of whates back to you is in riddles. But I used the word Light and, for the first time, something very straightforward came from it.
[Light], Minurulex says to the book, I need [Light].
The book suddenly levitates mid-air, rotating its own pages, and stopping somewhere in the middle. Theres a smell of zing iron and boiling blood when the page flick from the center to the covers. I have the distinct feeling that this is something big. Its the same feeling I got when Licinium recited the poem.
I find myself staring at some scattered words made of pure light on the page. My eyes wander over the ancient pages until they are once again drawn to a set of words.
as for how to make Dragonss
This is a recipe as I have never seen before, Cassandre. It exins how to trap [Light] inside ss. The most interesting thing is that it speaks at length about making Dragonss. As you might imagine, thats ss made through blowing Dragonfire on the raw materials. Its actually quite the involved process if I have to be honest. And theres something much deeper that Im probably missing as well. But do you know whats the most interesting thing of them all?
This is supposed to be used for weapons, I mutter.
As I raise my eyes to meet Minurulexs, we both look grave.
Chapter 244: Secrets
Chapter 244: Secrets
Weapons to cut darkness, it says, Iment while looking at the book.
Who knows what that means.
I do. Its another phrase from a book, I say, looking intently at Minurulex. Its an old saying in half-giant lore to describe ying great foes. It goes something like you can cut any darkness, even from the darkest night.
Minurulex looks at me, impressed.
Where did you get that?
Liciniums books, I say with a point of bitterness in my voice.
Its a disgrace what happened to him, and what his son has done
Minurulex, lets focus on this, I say, looking at the book, irritated.
Sorry, sorry.
Minurulex begins looking at the book again, and I follow his gaze, looking over his shoulder.
I know what those are, he says, exining, they are des that can drain the power out of a weapon.
Drain the weapons power? How?
Thats simple, by having the sword absorb the energy out of the weapon. Thats what the ss weapon does, Minurulex says with a serious look in his eyes. The only thing is
What?
The only thing is that we need a weapon that can drain enough power to kill even the most powerful of beasts.
What are you bbering
His sharp eyes start moving around the room rapidly, in search of something. He opens a chest of holding, simr to the ones I piged from the [Merchants].
This is one of the most recent creations I have made out of the ss, he says while taking out a dagger that shines with several motes of [Light] trapped inside.
I am not following entirely. Minurulex has entered one of his famous states of frenzy. His thoughts are too scattered to be clear to anyone but himself.
Wait! I shout, frustrated. Start over. I am not following, Minurulex.
His hands are fidgety, and he clearly fights against his nature in order to exin what hes thinking.
This enchantment is very rare because its terribly expensive. The idea behind it is to have a weapon capable of discharging its own power as an attack.
Isnt that what happens with several enchantments? Swords that have [Lightning] on their edge?
The half-giant shakes his head, focused.
No, thats different. The principle behind those weapons is gathering Mana inside and converting it through a normal enchantment. It makes them easy to recharge and, more often than not, it means that the enchantment will be more durable because it doesnt store violent energy.
He look at the dagger made of ss once again with a deep frown.
I dont know how I missed that it was so obvious.
What? What was so obvious?
He suddenly lifts the dagger and stabs the table. Normally, that would shatter any object made of ss, but Minurulex is only an [Alchemist] in name. He doesnt work with potions or medical concoctions, hes a bona fide crafter.
As the dagger stabs the table, it shes brightly, blinding us both.
Putain, I swear.
A split secondter, the half-giant removes the dagger from its previous spot, and the illumination in the room returns to normal. Almost immediately after opening my eyes, I hear a ttering sound of ss hitting the wooden table.
And this, he mutters while pushing the dagger to me, almost scared of it, is ssmon in the District. Dragonss? That would amplify the [Light] spell several times over.
So, whats the difference between this and a normal enchantment? I say while taking hold of the weapon.
You can think of it in terms of spell matrix and spell. The enchantment guides the Mana through an artificial matrix. This ss, instead, he points at the dagger, has the actual [Light] spell inside. Its notmon. Riziliuss Ears, you could say no one does that anymore. Its extremely hard and most materials cant hold a formed spell inside. The only reason this work is because of thebination of ss and [Light]. They dont influence each other. They are both rather inert. And not just that, [Light] is a pure spell with very fewponents, meaning that it doesnt discharge great power. If you tried to put [Lightning] inside ss? Well, we would be fragments of flesh sttered on the walls by now.
I look with narrowed eyes at the ss. Its not just pretty and sharp, its a riddle.
I put the dagger back on the table and take out a bottle of liquor from my bag of holding. Im not usually in the habit of drinking, and most times I would have found it silly. But now? some haze brought by the alcohol would be wee.
I fill two tall sses to the brim with the strong liquid piged from Keveiz and hand one to Minurulex. They are a deep red, meant to look like blood. Its a drink some adventurers on Carilia seem to enjoy and find funny.
Are you sure about that? he points at the half-giant-sized serving of alcohol in front of me while drawing back a chair and sitting.
Yeah, its fine. I lift the ss and he smiles at me. We both start sipping it in silence, looking at the dagger and thinking by ourselves. I pour two other sses when we finish up, but we still dont say a word for the moment.
Minurulex must have thought for at least half an hour before speaking up.
Well shall we start talking about the next steps? theres some nervousness in his voice.
Indeed. I reply, still slightly dazed, but still feeling like the alcohol all wasnt that bad an idea after all.
Well, Ill leave the talking part to you. Ive already said everything I knew, and I dont think I would be able to find out much more just by experimenting. Thats all you can get from me, Cassandre, Im sorry, his speech is slightly slurred as he speaks.
I smile back at the half-giant and I wonder if he feels guilty or just not worthy of his station. Hes a great [Alchemist], but clearly burdened by the conflict with Melior.
Oh, I think Ill hear from you again; I doubt youll I reply and Minurulex takes a step back to bnce himself.
Why do you say that? he asks.
Because youre a curious person and I want you to find out the answer, Minurulex.
We are already fighting one war, even if the battles havent started yet isnt that enough? Im tired, he yawns out loud.
Arent [Alchemists] supposed to have skills to help them with alcohol?
I dont usually make things that you ingestand I have turned them off. Would never be able to enjoy a drink otherwise.
The only thing worse than being drunk is not being able to drink, I say with a smile.
Hmm I find that hard to believe. You cant have a hangover if you dont drink alcohol. Thats not too bad. The skills eliminate the poison, but not the aftereffect if they were turned off when I was ingesting it.
While I went down impassive Rivers, I didnt feel my haulers guiding me no more, I recited the first two lines of one of my favorites Rimbauds poems.
Poetry? Minurulex raises an eyebrow.
Poem, I nod, the title is The Drunken Boat. Its a poem of a boat that lost its crew and water slowly starts filling it, thus bing drunk. Its a sinking boat that gets lost at sea.
Arent we all? Minurulex smiles while filling his ss once again. I can see how the mood shifted in the way only drunken conversation do.
Theres a verse that reminds me of this, I nod at the dagger, it goes like this Ive seen the low sun, stained with mystique horrors, lighting up with violet fragments, not unlike the ancient actors in dramas, with the waves rolling in the distance with their quivering curtains.
Minurulex giggles.
Its a very serious poem, I say, taking offense.
Quivering curtains? For all my ancestors footprints, Cassandre, Ill never understand poetry, the manughs, but theugh slowly turns to a sad smile.
Poetry is made of symbols. Especially Rimbauds. He was a great poet in how he could conjure incredibly vivid images with a few words.
Were a symbol too, Cassandre, you, me and this stupid boat, he says, not taking his eyes off the dagger.
What do you mean? I frown.
I dont know. Never mind. Im getting way too drunk to speak any more than this without embarrassing myself, he speaks regretfully.
Minurulex, I say, feeling embarrassed, this is one of the most pleasant conversations I have had since I came to this world.
The older half-giant smiles sadly at me and shakes his head.
That just means you are not great at opening up, he takes up the dagger and rolls it around in his hand. There are decent people in this city. And Im sure there must be a few decent Humans around as well. Why are we spending time holed up here, looking for something like this?
We are dedicated, I reply, trying to stave off the drunkenness.
We are just stupid, he clicks his tongue, do you actually enjoy being a [Warlord]? Like, what if we just sat on our asses. What if you became something else like, I dont know maybe a [Tailor]? Or a [Brewer]? Whatever, you get what Im saying. Why do we have to do this? There are still celebrations around the city. I heard that someone is hosting a party at their little vi, one of the few families that are quite rich. Why are we here?
I get the feeling that Minurulex is not talking to me anymore as much as hes talking to himself.
We are all going to drown, sooner orter, heughs to himself, just like the boat. So, why are we here?
I dont know why, but I feel were on a great odyssey, sailing over a sea of dreams. Thats what the boat is doing, even while drifting and sinking.
Were bound to die if we sail in the wrong direction.
Were bound to die if we sail in the right direction too, Minurulex, trust me.
The night slowly dies out, leaving space to the pitch ck darkness of unsung dreams. Two friends keep chatting, going from deep discussions to light jokes, to how they could build some silly project, or what they would call their children. They just talk; but they talk as if it has been a while since they did, since they found someone good enough to talk to.
Chapter 245
Chapter 245
Cassandre, two women are here to see you, Cordius tells me while Im taking notes off a book. I have been hard at work since we havee back to Leggiadra. And after my talk with Minurulex, I feelpelled to delve deeper, to discover signs of what this world is attempting to tell me.
Who?
They just said they want to talk with you, Cordius shrugs. I think their children might have been among the few who actually died during the battle.
Putain.
Let them in, then, I tell him, but stay in the room. Restrain them if you need to. I dont want to shoot anyone whos mourning, but I will if they try to strangle me.
As usual, Im not the most empathic person.
I wonder why I got the [General] ss when I should have gotten the [Bodyguard] ss, Cordius mumbles.
Its about studying and making the right moves to be
I was just saying! Cordius says from the other room of my office in Leggiadra.
I wait for two talldies toe in my office. Only then I realize that if anything happens, my books could be damaged.
I should have gone outside.
But its also true that killing two civilians on the streets like that would mess my public image.
Hello, I say, rising from my seat. What can I do for you?
The tallest of the two ps the arm of the other, whos just looking straight in front of her.
Ah Nuvea! Right, right! We want to sign up as [Soldiers]. But we want to work for you.
I look at what I think are two housewives with no idea of what they are saying and I slowly sink in my padded armchair.
Exin this to me, I tell them.
Well, our children passed during the battle, the shorter woman says, and our husband are never home.
So you decided that you want to risk your life because you are bored at home?
We are not bored! the taller one suddenly thunders, eliciting a twitch in Cordius, whos already stepping forward. I motion for him to stand back.
Ok, you are not bored, I smile, then, what are you?
Lady Cassandre, the shorter woman, who is the more restrained among the two, says, we lost our sons. We want to be useful. Our beautiful boys died to take Keveiz and we want to help keep it. Arent Humans going to attack or something? We could help the [Soldiers]. And there are not many women with military positions in Leggiadra. We thought that we would work for you.
This is interesting.
Bored housewives because thats what the are are one of the most lethal weapons in existence. They have no purpose, nothing worth living for. And when you work with tes as nk as those ones, you can fill them with one purpose. Fill them to the brim. People who dont have much going on can be turned wholly to one purpose. Its harder with men, since they are ustomed to much more, to more opportunities, more entertainment, more anything. But women like these two? They are like fresh y, ready to be molded into anything; perhaps, capable of bing fierce warriors.
Ok, I say with a smile, already fishing for something in my bag of holding.
I take out two long daggers made of fine steel. This is Meliors personal work. I toss the two daggers on the ground, careful not to throw them too close to them. They are wicked sharp and could probably slice their feet off just like that.
Try and stab Cordius over there. Yound one hit, Ill take you. You have five minutes, starting now.
What? Oh,e on Cassandre, dont joke with these two women Cordius startsughing, probably not even close to understanding who these women are.
Nuvea, the more reserved and the tallest, towering even on the hulking figure of Cordius, bends down and picks up the dagger. Right, you dont know it, but heigh and gender are not strictly corrted among half-giants. It boils down to who has more giant blood in their veins, not their genitalia.
Cordius is still smiling at the women, who have now both picked a dagger.
Ten seconds have passed, I say out loud.
Not even that makes Cordius tense, still giggling while the two housewives exchange a pointed look. The only man in the room probably thinks that someone with his ss and reputation cant simply be stabbed to death in a room. And sure, hes not going to dieunless hes a bigger idiot than I thought. And if two men had been here, they would be arguing, asking for something different, maybe already storming out of the door. Few men would simply pick up the dagger and stare silently at Cordius, already thinking what their best shot is.
The two women are unaware that I have already decided to add them to my staff. This stabbing contest is meant to fulfill two purposes. First and foremost, teach Cordius a lesson. Second, empower two women who have presumably felt useless for the majority of their lives.
Nuvea shoots a nce at me before slightly bending her knees. I nod at the tall one, who quickly steps back with her dagger and lunges forward. The dagger goes in fast, deep, and without much of a warning. It doesnt hit the organ or his spine, but goes in right in his gut, almost effortlessly.
Cordius looks with wide eyes at the dagger sticking out of his belly, and thats his second mistake. Another dagger hits his leg. The shorter woman threw hers. They both used skills and didnt hesitate one second. The big bad ex-[Guard], now [General], doesnt have any protective enchantment on him, the idiot.
Done, Nuvea says with an unapologetic tone, stepping away. The other woman nods as well.
Theres a pool of blood forming below my friend and I get up while he falls to the ground, fumbling with his bag of holding for a potion.
Thats what happens when you remove your armor just because you feel safe, Cordius, I say, reaching out a hand to grasp the dagger protruding from his belly. When I pull back, blood stters across my dress. I open a healing potion and pour it on the wound, which begins to close quickly.
The half-giant is looking with wide eyes at me, speechless.
Take care of your legs and report back to me after you find a protective ring or something with an enchantment good enough to save your life from an assassination attempt. Also, ask Melior for a custom made armor. Tell him I sent you. Noining, please.
Your names, your sses, and the skills you just used.
Petronia, the shorter one says, I have the [Housewife] ss, consolidate from [Cook] and [Caretaker]. I used to throw my slippers at my son and that earned me the [Perfect Throw] skill.
Nuvea, the other, more hesitantly, says, I have a couple of sses but the main one is [Farmer]. I have many chickens and they are very nasty at times; I earned the [Stealthy Lunge] skill like that. It masks my intention to the animals and lets me lunge much faster to catch the chickens.
This world is truly full of wonders.
I look at both of them and summon some paper with a skill from my [Warlord of Fire, Steel, and ss] ss.
[A Contract in Blood]
I need your blood for this contracts. Once you sign, you will be part of my personal staff. You will answer directly to me, and to me only. I wont have you do anything that will damage half-giants. Thats already in writing. But you will have to listen to my orders and, in no way, you will be able to harm me. You either sign now or go on your merry way home. This is not a joke, and this is nothing like tending to children.
Do you know what I love about women like those two? They just ask how to sign, and then they slice their palms, leaving a bloody handprint on the documents that magically disappear right after. I can only summon three contracts for now, and those two are the first ones I have created.
Well, lets start your physical training, I say while getting up from myfy armchair.
They go up and down doing burpees when Cordius reaches me at one of the training camps for military recruits. He is limping.
Any permanent damage?
Fuck you, he says, angered. He gets by my side and stands there, sulking.
I shrug and look back at the two slightly pudgy women trying to do the seventh set of ten burpees. Their faces are redder than a tomato and they are clearly out of breath. This is one of several spaces where people go train, one usually used for runs or drills. The two women look at the ground while they take a breather between repetitions; not too far from them, a bunch of half-giant men areughing their ass of because of my two new recruits.
Any permanent damage? I ask Cordius with a deadpan tone. For good measure, I add further meaning to my question with a raise of my eyebrows.
I woke up in a terrible mood, I just realized. There are days that I spend mostly with books and by myself. The rest of the time, I usually put up a front, a mask to interact with others. But when Im not using a mask, my real emotions show. In this case, I realize Im in a terrible mood.
No. Its going to be okay in a couple of days.
Can you round up every single personughing and I bite my tongue. Nevermind. This shall serve as a lesson.
For a second, I felt like having them all whipped. A couple of goodshes over their back would have made them better. But that would also make Nuvea and Petronia smug. Instead, breeding resentment for the other sex will bring them closer to me.
I look again at the other recruitsughing.
Putain.
Cordius, I gesture with my hands for him toe closer.
He sighs and bends toward me to bridge the height difference.
I want all of those idiots who areughing punished. Have them whipped for theirck of discipline behind closed doors tonight. Id prefer if Nuvea and Petronia didnt know about this.
Cordius sighs again, loudly, and nods.
He might be a [General], but hes my general. And when ites down to it, Keveiz fell because of me.
Good enough! Give me threeps of the entire ground, I shout toward the two women.
As they pick up a tired pace, Cordius looks at me with a frown before going back to the sight of two sweaty housewives on the military training ground.
You are pushing them too much for their first day, he says. They will be dead tomorrow.
The thing about Cordius is that hes better than me at the little things of the military life. I wouldnt be good at actually managing the day-by-day of a military campaign. Fromtrines to supply lines and the whole chain ofmand, Im not great at the details. Im learning, sure, but still behind a proper military man. And as far as training goes, Cordius knows more than me without the slightest doubt. At least, when physical training is involved.
Im breaking them down and empowering them when their bodies fail, I point at a couple of lieutenants at the edges of the training ground. They are talking with other [Soldiers] at first sight. But what they are actually doing is following my arms and the two women training with their eyes, waiting for the right moment to use their skills.
You are helping them with skills, Cordius says with augh. Whats the point of that?
I feel my hand prickle for a second, missing the feeling of a gun in it. A gun I would use to shoot Cordius right in the head. I bite my tongue another time to avoid giving the man a quippy responseI have abused him enough for the day.
They must trust that, even at beginning, they may have greater potential than they previously thought. I''ll boost their self-esteem so they''ll be prepared for whatever I throw at them. Instead, certain tasks will be excessively difficult, teaching them that they are not omnipotent.
Fuck, the man curses again while massaging his leg and looking at me with some fear in his eyes.
Good.
Chapter 246: Interlude, Meeting a [Druid]
Chapter 246: Interlude, Meeting a [Druid]
Whats the weight of a lifetime of ughter? How does it affect the soul and how much more can you go before your brain decides to clock out?
A man sat on the ground, lost. He wasnt a [Beggar] for [Kings] retain dignity even at their lowest. He was simply lost, maybe a hairline away from a cursed ss, a red title spelling his doom. That he had not gotten one until now spoke volumes about his fortitude. For the sake of not having the atrocities hemitted have an effect on his ss, whatever had moved him had to be made of diamond. Or, simply, he knew what he was doing. Great knowledge is subject to the whims of the powerful, to rulers, tyrants, and monsters. Less so to [Heroes]. A [Hero] moves with his instincts, whereas a [King] has to move with cunning.
Now, the once [Druid] stared at his hands. Hisstpanion had died of old age after almost a century of peace. There had been few battles he had needed to meddle with. But even those carried more blood than he was now able to shoulder. He had eluded old age thanks to skills that let him absorb life from nature, virtually giving him the gift of immortality something that many sought, but few actually loved once they got their hands on it.
As far as his own preference went, he didnt mind the immortality as much as theck of a goal. His people werent up for another war, nor were his descendants. The new [King] was a good one, but fit for peace. The country was flourishing and, beside theck of great levels, peace was good for everything else. Children could y without the looming threat of pige, without having to fear [Assassins]ing to exact the price they would pay in ce of their fathers.
But now, in a peaceful country, he was nothing. He was no more. He was bitter and angry. Lost.
He had considered running to Teiko, sowing chaos in their country as long as he could stay hidden, sniping a few [Generals]. Maybe even royals. But then, sloth had took over.
At his age, few considered ever stopping. It was toote to rest. And if you tried, there was the risk of never getting up again. Rest had killed more people in Immortality than any other monster or [yer].
He had oncein down in his cave in a fit of grief when thest [Druid] beside him had died. A [Druid] with [Bloodlust], like him. But no one hade to visit him for a long time, and he was slowly starving to death, unable to eat a single animal. Now, he sat on the ground and stared at his own lifeless body.
A [Beastlord] came and stared at him, the man, the [King], and realized he could do nothing about his condition. Getting angry would be a mistake. Instead, he stared at the dying man, thinking.
Slowly, a n emerged. He had a [King] to unmake. And not just any [King]. Thest [Druid] sat up, ring at the [Beastlord].
So it is true, thest [Druid] asked.
The [Beastlord] went still. At least he hadnt run away.
The [Druid] ss is gone, the [Beastlord] told the [King].
The man was [Doom]. A [Doom Druid], and thest of the whole general ss. He was not just any [King] as well.
The [Beastlord] stared at the man.
You call yourself a [King], Tiberius?
The [Doom Druid] didnt answer.
The [Beastlord] took a step forward.
Is that filth supposed to be a throne? Is this an impregnable pce? Can you not summon a [General] with but a flick of your fingers? You are worth more than half of your entire army. Why are you not out there?
The [Beastlord] gestured at his animalpanions to wait outside the cave and took a step forward. The [Beastlord] had tried to gain the [Druid] ss, but to no avail. Thest [Druids] had tainted it, made it impossible for others to get it.
How do you call yourself a [King]?
The [Doom Druid] froze. His eyes filled with fury.
How do you dare insult me? Im more [Druid] than you will ever be, he snarled, you cannot be a [Druid]. No one else can, now! And what was it all for? Nothing!
The [Beastlord] shrugged.
You see, Tiberius, thats what I love about you. Thats the difference between you and the real [Kings]. They im to be [Kings]. But you know the truth, as I do. When a [King] is a [King], he will never run away. His pride will not let him; he will prefer rotting in this ce than admitting he has overstayed his wee. But, I can. I can tell you, Tiberius, that you have done enough. Theres enough blood behind you that every descendant of yours will never be able to look at the sky without muttering an heartfelt thank you for your service. Now, however? Now its time to retire, Tiberius.
Then what of it? Am I just supposed to abandon the fight, now?
No. You will not be doing that. You have won your fight.
Youre a coward, thest [Druid] growled.
Maybe, the [Beastlord] scoffed. You might think that Im a coward, and thats fine with me. But remember, Tiberius, you taught me all you could. I was never defeated, you know. But now, Im older than the boy you raised. I will never be a [Druid], but I can take over your duties. Ill be the invisible hand behind the crown.
You are just older than the idiot sitting on the throne.
Still, I can live as long as I need. I relieve of your duties, Tiberius. Go enjoy your retirement. Im sure it will be much better than this, he pointed at the filthy cavern.
The [Doom Druid King], much differentpared to a [King of Druids], looked at his disciple, the one person he had raised from amoners body in spite of the royal family. He had given the man so much power, all his teachings everything he could. They had undergone the ritual multiple times, but that had not worked. The [Beastlord] was supposed to be a [Druid]. Maybe a great ss like a [Druid of Ages, Beast General]. Something great. Instead, he was just a [Beastlord]. He looked at his disciple with regret in his eyes, knowing that, once again, he would live up to the name of his ss and spell the doom for the man in front of him.
I cant let you do that, Maximus, he said.
The [Beastlord] smiled, turning to look at the [Doom Druid].
What will you do to stop, old man? Attack me?
No. No, the [Doom Druid] paused. He looked at the [Beastlord], staring at him. Ill bring back the ss. It was my fault. I cursed it. I ruined it. It was all me. I need to make up for that.
And how will you do that?
Im a [Druid], Ill find a way.
And Im a [Beastlord]. We both know that [Druids] are lost. Stop, Tiberius. Your war is over. You won. Do not linger; go.
A woman suddenly approached him while he was sitting outside the city of Amorium, the one known for his great
Bloody hell, she shouted, are you free, sir? Hello! Hello! Sir? Are you free? Are you doing something?
Young woman, Im
Come on, get up. Chop-chop. If you are not doing anything I need help. Do you know anything about dogs? Do you know how to help a dog give birth? I think a dog is dying. It cannot give birth! You look like a [Farmer], you must know a trick or two!
Before the [Druid] knew what happened, the woman was dragging him right in front of wall.
Quick, tell me. Quick! What do I do? Can you help me? she pointed at a big white dog, clearly in its death throes. Something had gone wrong during the birth process and he could already feel the aura of death around the animal. He concentrated for a second on the poor thing all his cubs were dead. Wait. Not all of them. He crouched and put a hand on the belly of the animal.
Shes dying. Theres only one cub alive in its uterus, and its going to die soon. Id need to
Dying? she said with what he realized was a foreign ent, typical of Teiko.
Are you from Teiko, Human? he suddenly asked.
Teiko? What is in your bloody mind right now?!
When [King] Tiberius stared down at her, using his aura to elicit a response, she snapped.
No, Im not from Teiko, you bloody idiot! Is the dog dying? Can we rescue the pup?
We need to extract it. The mother will die soon. I can
Before he could say anything, she took out a strange knife, flipped the dog, and opened its belly, wading through the gore with a firm and expert hand. She made another cut, and before he could even realize, the pup was out.
But it was barely moving. The mother, instead, had stopped breathing. The sudden loss of blood had stopped her heart.
Good pupper, she said, gently caressing the dog and sighing.
If you are not from Teiko, where are you from, then? he asked.
Oh, bugger off, will you? Is this pupper going to be okay?
[King] Tiberius approached and put a hand over the little thing, using a skill to make sure the little animal would survive.
Yes, he deadpanned.
Arent you an arsehole? the Human woman told him. We just saved a little pupper and you act like a cow that has to plow ten fields? Cheer up.
The woman affectionately caressed the pup, smiling sadly at the sight of the mother.
Dig a ditch for the mother, the Human woman said. When he didnt answer, she added: Did you hear me? Dig, chop-chop.
Begrudgingly, not having anything better to do, he simply manipted the ground apart to swallow the dog. A litter lost and a female dog. It wasnt nearly enough to move him in any way. He just wanted to resume his wallowing and selfmiserating.
Nice trick. Lets go have a pint before it gets dark. I have some business in town. Here, take him. We need to go wash him, first.
Tiberius did not know what was up with him today, but he simply followed the instructions of the woman.
Tiberius looked at the woman. She was a strikingly beautiful young Human. She had a weird ss, [Surgeon], something he had rarely seen in his entire life. He had seen some of her type trying to stitch people together, but that was it.
So, whats your name, again?
Tiberius shrugged.
Dont have one.
Oh, sod off. What do you mean you dont have one? Everyone has a name.
I dont, that was his decision. Throwing away his old life.
Well, you know what, you look like a Stanley. Ill call you Stan. What do you do, Stan?
Im a [Beggar], he mused, not havingpletely lost his sense of humor.
Oh, a [Beggar], she said, nodding at his dirty [Druid] clothes. That exins the smell, doesnt it? Well, do you have a family or are you alone?
Alone, Stan took his beer and gently sipped it.
Chapter 247: Penelope
Chapter 247: Penelope
Do you have a family or are you alone? the woman said while drinking her third beer.
Alone, Stan took his beer and gently sipped it.
Oh, then you take the little pupper. They are all the rage among [Beggars], arent they? Get more coin in your pockets with one of them or something. Im traveling too much to bring it with me. But you know what? Lets call him Grigio it means gray in my originalnguage. Dont let the ent fool you. Oh, but you know what? Im happy that you dont have a family. First, you take care of the pupper. Thats good. Second, she added while raising a hand to get yet another beer, if you dont have kids, you cant be a bloody terrible father, can you? Thats brilliant. Wish my dad had thought of it.
Your father?
Yeah, an arsehole. Spent more time working than with his family. And my mum even got back with him. I dont know if its because I got back here younger or what, this body has lots of hormones when I speak. Am I going to cry? Nah. No crying.
Not all parents can carry the burden of a family.
Oh no, thats not fair. Iwell, I didnt have kids. Didnt want to make my family as miserable as mine, the woman says looking at her ss. Goddamn Eb. Thats a fitting death, isnt it? Doctors without borders, am I right? No? whatever. Im talking to a homeless man after getting to a magic world. Isnt that funny?
Stan simply listened. There was something in what the woman was saying. She was above level 20 in a weird ss, and thats always a sign to look out for. Common people getmon sses.
Do you beg for money? Do you need money? Do you want me to give you some money? How does it work, do you have begging hours and thats it? Like, do you always leave out a little cap or something to get the money?
Im good. I have patrons. What about you? Whats your ie?
Oh, I help people. Goddamn potions would put me out of business if people knew how to stitch their wounds, wouldnt they? Been doing surgeries here and there. Helping where I can. Turns out, if you save someones kid, they will give you all the money they can. Wish I knew some magic, though.
You go around helping?
Well, not helping. I look for people with trouble. I help wherever I can. You know, I even made some money with dental procedures. Dentists think they are so holy, dont they? If I can have open-heart surgery in the third world, cant I patch a mr you think? Preposterous. Dentists should probably be jailed. Thats one of the few things my father was right about.
[Dentists]?
Oh, right. You dont have those. You have [Healers]. Well, dentists are crook who take care of crooked teeth, she said taking a swig from her mug, not funny? Oh, dontugh your tits off, careful there. But whatever. You get some cavities and people here go nuts because potions cant fix that now, can they? So, I go there, chip it off, put this paste I have [Alchemist] make.
That is a problem Stan frowned. And you can fix that?
Oh, sure can.
Is youre a dad a person who helps people as well?
Was. Help? Maybe. He took care of bones. Orthopedic surgeon.
I never met any [Orthopedic Surgeon].
Guess this world wouldnt have any, the girl shrugged. Fuck him, anyway. He was a terrific surgeon but a terrible father. Obsessed with efficiency, with winning. He was the mostpetitive person I have ever met. He would wake up at night and draw up diagrams on the wall from memory. Supposedly, my father always told me I would be ever grander than him. He said that his IQ and my mothers wiles would make me unstoppable. I liked the idea of being a doctor, always have.
How did you father pass? Stan asked.
ItsId rather not talk about it, the womans face suddenly darkened and she moved a dark lock from her forehead. He was haunted. Thats how he described. Like a curse. He needed topete for first ce. He loved my mum so much but even that didnt stop him from whatever. Anyway, Stan, what are you up to these days?
She jarringly closed the argument about her father and switched to a silly question.
Nothing. Im still looking for something
Begging is not nothing. Better than just rotting away, no? And I bet you have to time to decide what you want to be when you grow up.
As Stan heard that, he couldnt help but smile.
You still have to tell me your name, young woman.
Penelope, she said in apletely different voice, as if speaking anothernguage, but you can call me Penelope. Always hated how it sounds in English. Less dignified.
How did you be a beggar, anyway? How does that happen?
You lose purpose, Stan replied.
You lose purpose, Penelope smiled. Im sorry. I didnt mean to be rude. But my life was so much different. Now, here I am in this weird world talking to you, a homeless beggar.
You are not rude, Stan smiled, wondering where this woman came from.
Penelope seemed to think about that for a moment. Then she raised her mug in a salute.
I wont pretend that I didnt want to be rude, never managed to hold up that image.
Stan raised his mug for yet another toast.
Penelope, the homeless man said gently.
Hm?
Your name is Penelope, but what about
I hate my name. My mom decided to be she swallowed a few times, patient. And smart. Said I would be a patient and smart woman. She was so proud Ill never forget it. She loved my father more than life itself. When she died, he
A maid came where they were talking and tripped,unching the drinks on their table.
Sorry, I didnt mean to she apologized profusely for the interruption, but Penelope waved hisment away.
Its fine. Dont worry.
As the maid went back to fetch new drinks, Stan looked at Penelope and asked: Not angry?
Because she spilled a drink? Im not a lunatic.
Many thoughts went through Stans head as they talked. The woman seemed obsessed with her father and whatever he had been doing where she came from. At the same time, it seemed that something deeper was at work, some kind of powerful magic that had brought her there from some ce he did not know and that was something. There were not many ces the [King] of Elves had not visited. Even Teiko was no strangend to him. Apart from Kome, where he never dared set foot, he had been on every single continent. However, as she continued to speak, it became increasingly obvious that she was not from anywhere he was aware of.
And not just that, the woman had gone on a tangent about knowledge of the bodyshe had revealed things to him that he had never heard before. Some made sense, but the more she spoke, the greater the aura of mystery around her. Stan thought that his secret background was something hard to match, but if a simple woman like this could hide so many secrets, how many other people had something to say maybe, after all these centuries, it was time to listen, to stop acting.
It was time for quiet, for reflection. He wasnt sure he would be forever a beggar, but he would spend time in reflection, feeding his newfoundpanion and maybe helping out [Beggars] in Amorium. Among all the cities in Lucerna, it seemed the best bet to reside in the one famous for its greenery.
The woman was clearly drunk, but she went on and on for hours on end, talking about all and absolutely nothing without stopping. The newly found Stan, now [Beggar], apparently, started smiling halfway through. He had stumbled upon a new life, hadnt he? And why not? What did he have to lose? A fit retirement for a disgraced [King].
Chapter 248: Secrets of Light
Chapter 248: Secrets of Light
Apystillius is the [Mayor] of Leggiadra, a man responsible for the bureaucracy that the Steel and ss District mostly avoids like you would with a gue.
These are all the trade agreements that were stipted, says in a straightforward manner.
Any problem? I ask.
Hes the one who actually signs documents for the city, including the agreements that half-giants drafted with Goblins for the supply of iron ore.
Apystillius shakes his head and adjusts his sses.
No. Everything went smoothly. All the contracts are in order. I had them examined. All is good.
Apystillius is the dullest person I have ever met, Minurulex says while fetching some food. We have been sharing meals to discuss histest findings, both military and regarding the great mystery we have uncovered.
He doesnt seem very sharp, I admit.
Oh, why do you think we put him there? I mean, hes had his position for something like twenty years. Hes extremely good with paperwork, but hes not fit to be in any creative position. If he actually led the city, we would have not seen anything change. He would also have blocked our dealings with you. He hates change. But if you need him to take care of maintenance, hes the guy.
Does Melior like him? I ask out of pure curiosity. Minurulex is one of the few people I actually feelfortable and rxed around.
Melior? I have no idea. He never deals with Apystillius directly. You know how Melior is. He grew up in a forgehes better at speaking to iron than others. Oh, and he does speak to iron. If I have to guess, he spoke longer to iron than actual people.
You are really not interested in going along with him, Iugh.
Why should I? I work on interesting things, and now Im getting better and better. I think he might actually have less levels than me, for now. I mean, he has age on his side. I guess I have wisdom?
Minurulexs bber fills the room and keeps mepany.
How did Melior be the head of the Steel?
How? We host contests of skills. You show that you are better than everyone else and you get to lead. Over the years, some have argued that this is not ideal because it means that very weird characters have led the District. But it gives us a very technical lead. Theres very little politicking because no one wants to waste time outside theirboratory or forge. It was the same for me. But I have to admit, the [Alchemists] of my generation and the previous one werent anything great. Meliors people were definitely having the upper-hand, influence-wise. But before we took Keveiz, Leggiadra basically survived on the ie generated by [Alchemists]. Thats why theres a good bnce now. Its also the reason I actually get stuff done with Melior. We dont really like each other, but we deeply respect each others work.
It is a technical government. Italy had many of those when a political government failed. The problem was that even the economists were mostly notpetent enough to do what needed to be done; or even worse, they started blindly following principles of economic growth instead of focusing on what would have benefitted their poption.
Did you find out anything about the [Light]-infused ss? I ask, changing topic.
Minurulex moves a big wooden spoon back and forth in his soup, thinking.
I have spoken to Melior. He never heard about thiswhich is not surprising, by the way. Melior is in his twenties. Hes too young to know anything about this. I tried inquiring among older [Alchemists], but no one said
Hello, my fair hosts! a ring voice barges in, louder than a blowing horn.
Zifinius, Riziliuss Ears, I have no money for you! Minurulex exims.
Oh, Minurulex, I didnt see you there! I was starstruck by the beautifuldy here! Mydy, your skin is purer than baster and your hair looks sculpted away from Nightstones!
Cassandre, dont mind, Minurulex says while trying to push away the intruding half-giant, this is Zifinius, broken [Bard] and [Beggar]. Hes dead drunk, again. Zifinius,e on! How didnt they throw you out yet?!
Me? HA! I entertain people, Minurulex! I dont need to make little trinkets to be of some value! Art! Poetry! Even the Canti would be enticed to stop their great deeds to listen to my beautiful music! Touching the strings of his harp, he emphasizes the final syble.
He begins to hum a soothing tune.
Music from the instrument touches a nerve deep within me, and I can''t help but smile. I have always felt a deep connection with music and all the artistic forms it took over the years; from simple pop music to ssical concerts, its something I have always enjoyed.
I fish out a golden coin a hand it to a wide-eyed Zifinius.
Give me your best, I tell the [Bard].
Oh, Cassandre, what have you done?! We will never get rid of him now! Minurulex cries.
Zifinius seems unfazed by Minurulex''s presence. Instead, now that he got his token of appreciation, he seems to have morphed into a different entity altogether. Gone the drunken haze, he softly caresses the strings, eliciting a mncholic melody from the harp. Somethinges to my mind: when you get someone to read your tarots, you have to pay money if you want the magic to work. If you dont pay for the magic, it simply doesnt work and the predictions will be misleading. From a witchcraft point of view, you always need a pledge for magic to work.
This is a tale of Giants and Light,
Made great by the Dragons delight,
Wherever you go, promise your might
But not to the treacherous Canti.
Zifinius''s first words freeze both Minurulex and me, and the bard''s face is stered with a devious grin. The music ensnares both of us, awakening the legends of his people, deeply buried in ourmon consciousness, tearing apart the locks that kept it hidden.
When the monsters came to knock,
Light put them on the chopping block,
But Giants and Dragons bickered too long,
And the Dragons killed them for naught.
Zifinius etches out more notes from his harp with his eyes closed, drunk of his own music, possessed by his muse, probably not even conscious of what he was doing.
When Aethereums great wisdom couldnt be passed,
Delusums tried to tell his fellows Dragons,
What you cant see is still there, friends,
And for that they killed him like fiends.
The notes start breaking down, Zifiniuss voice straining against his own vocal chords, having to push out the words with all the strength he could muster. Hes digging deep, drinking at the most powerful source of his art.
What is lost is lost, like the greatest love,
Dragons meander aimlessly for treasure troves,
Scarred Kome when the great ck Queen was lost,
They lost themselves in the darkness of a cave.
Zifinius appears to be exhausted. His pupils constrict to the size of pins as his nose pours blood on the table. But, with the veins of his neck straining and pulsating, he pushes out ast verse. His eyes start shining with blue light and a powerful aura sweeps over the entire inn.
Wait for the great sovereign of Death to meddle,
As Light finds his lumen in new vessels,
Look for the Magic among the Demons,
But keep an eye on Kome for the Heroes.
At thest syble, Zifinius falls on the table, convulsing, with foam at his mouth.
Oh, I have leveled! the [Bard] says as soon as he wakes up, smiling.
Riziliuss ears! Minurulex grabs the bard from the bed where weid him down. What was that?! Where did you take those lyrics from?!
What? Oh, Minurulex. Im a bit hungover. Would you mind letting go of me?
Who is the ck Queen? I ask, that name sounds inspiring more than terrifying for some reason.
Who?
You mentioned the ck Queen and a bunch of things, you drunken idiot! Speak! Where did you get those lyrics?!
Hey, listen, folks, maybe I need some wine before we
Minurulex takes out a dagger from his bag of holding with trembling hands.
I swear, Zifinius, if you dont speak!
Calm down, Minurulex, I tell the half-giant brandishing a dagger bigger than a machete. I move my eyes to Zifinius, clearly not aware of what he said not even an hour before.
I make up most of the lyrics I speak, Minurulex, the half-giant on the bed says, wiping some sweat from his forehead, you should know! Dont you remember the song I made about you?
Magic among the Demons. Light. Epretos and the Nine Towers Academy, I say, looking around for the references. Minurulex transcribed the lyrics, and we are trying to make something out of it.
Thats where this points at if that wasnt just a drunken hysteria, Minurulex looks over the paper.
Melior looks at the paper and frowns.
Nine Towers Academy?
Thats what the [Bard] said before fainting, I tell him.
The big half-giant keeps frowning, but he doesnt speak. He just stares at the paper.
You know something, dont you? Minurulex asks.
Melior bites his lower lip, the first sign of hesitation Ive seen from the guy since the day I met him. He ordered ughters and a potential war without frowning. But hes now conflicted about something.
Follow me.
He gets up and starts tapping around a wall in his forge. We are already alone, no one around capable of disturbing us. As soon as Melior finishes tapping, a door appears out of nowhere.
Nice enchantment, Minurulex observes.
This is a secret of Steel, Minurulex. You must have something simr, but never mention it to anyone.
Melior doesnt say anything to me. He knows that I have no interest in betraying his trust, and that Ive already killed too many Humans to be a spy.
We descend through a few flight of stairs and find ourselves in a private office, simr to the one Minurulex has.
Some of our ancestors were [Light Mages], some of them among the best. There are mentions of a lost Relic of half-giants, specifically made for [Light Mages].
He pulls out some parchment and starts unrolling it in front of us.
Here it says that metal cannot carry any Light, Melior says with a solemn face. He doesnt look pleased by this revtion. ss is in charge of that. But there is some special alloy that apparently, after undergoing a ritual, can dispel darkness. I have no idea why they wrote it and why its not in verses like the rest of the knowledge.
Riziliuss Ears, is this in prose as well? The same goes for the sslight!
Did youe up with that name? Melior asks with a straight face.
Beautiful name, isnt it? Minurulex replies.
No.
Whatever, what do you know?
While they bicker, some knowledge found in Liciniums bookses to my mind.
The Nine Towers Academy had several half-giant [Archmages] in the past, as documented by your historiae. And there are mentions of a great treasure of half-giants that they brought to the Nine Towers Academy to build the famed bridges of Light. The same bridges that, century after century, no one has yet managed to dispel or harm. And they said that these bridges hold the secret for it.
It is an old joke that only stupid people would get the [Light Mage] ss believing they could unveil some secret around the academy. No one believe its real, though.
They are. And we need to know what secret that is.
Chapter 249: Dad
Chapter 249: Dad
Your mother told me you made a problem, my dad enters the room, flour still hiding below his nails and in a few spots in his short beard. My dad is tall and built like an athlete, someone who always despised the soft forms of the middle-ss. He speaks with a slight Arabic ent, not yet ustomed to speaking French all day and to the fact that his daughter never learned fully learned his ownnguage.
I look at him with tears still in my eyes. Today was the first day at the new school, the one I got a schrship for. I had always thought of myself as a great genius, but today my world hade crashing down on me.
I had an episode, daddy, I say, hugging the pillow.
My family was poorly equipped to deal with mental health. My mother didnt even want to acknowledge that something was wrong with me; my dad, instead, simply didnt have the time to.
You have a schrship, he says as if thats something that means anything to me. Notmon they are notmon.
I can feel what hes saying. Private schrship at the middle school level are almost unheard of. Especially among kids who should be in an earlier grade. This is not an American tv show. The school hierarchies are much harder to navigate. It takes a massive genius,rger than life, to skip a grade.
But thats what I always felt I was.
Felt.
Was.
I dont want to stare at my fathers brown eyes. I dont want to know what he thinks about this. I couldnt take the disappointment. I know my family is poor, I know that every month is a struggle, and I know that he tried everything in his power to bring me up as someone not mean.
My dad always says that not having money makes it easier to be a crook. He says that if you dont have money, its easy to be mean. And if you have money, its easy to be kind. So, we have to be particrly careful about not being mean just because theres not much money going around the house. And, unlike my mother, he tries hard not to make everything about having, or not having, money.
I feel my dad tentative hug as he puts his strong arms around my thin and emaciated body.
What happen? he asks, softly, keeping my head against his shoulder.
I feel some pressure building up in my heart. I need to see. I need to know if my father is disappointed in me, if he doesnt want a daughter who wastes her gift just like that.
I saw a group of girls bullying a ck girl, I tell him, I punched one right on the nose and I got suspended. They also want to talk with you tomorrow and they said I risk being expelled.
Like Clint Eastwood, my father says. He loves westerns.
Like Clint Eastwood, I smile.
Good, he nods. Tell you mother I spank you, ok?
I nod, a bit relieved.
Daddy, they said they are going to sue me, I tell him.
I take care of it, he says over his shoulder.
When I look at the remnants of the fire that consumed my fathers bakery and his life, I wonder what was going on in his head at the time. And like lightning, I also wonder on the spot if I will ever be as good as him. It turns out that he had to take a loan all those years ago to pay back the family who sued me.
And I lied, I didnt punch the girl because she was bullying someone, I punched her teeth out because she looked like a bitch. That, as a butterfly gently shaking its wings can create a hurricane, created the fire inside my fathers bakery. Business had gone down in thest few years, and I got the privilege of seeing his entire business and his life go charred because of me.
How bad does that feel?
I dont know.
What I know is that they were moving the burned body inside a sack and that I caught a glimpse of my fathers face. Hes not a ck husk, but simply died of asphyxiation. His wrinkles are still visible, with a few spots burned off his face. His hair, still ck, goes well with the dark stic bag they are carrying him in.
Loan sharks.
My father went to loan sharks to get money and they killed him when he refused to pay. I would discover some of thister, after investigating my fathers death. But what happened was pretty clear: my father had given his life to me. He only had one daughter left and he had never thought for one second that this sacrifice would be too much for her.
I smile for a stupid reason. Why? Well, if this had happened a little earlier, I could have used it as my origin story for bing a cold-blooded criminal. Instead, Ive already made the first money with my illegal trades even before graduating. Nothing major like what Ive nned for on the long term, but Im already in. And no, I wouldnt have stopped just because of my fathers words or anything else.
I didnt start this because my family was dysfunctional or because I had a weird childhood. I was more loved than many kids who grew in Porte de Chapelle and had more money than many other immigrants children. I had a brain that could have made the fortunes of my entire family. I have a normal job and I could have paid for my familys ticket out of poverty. I could have probably paid off my fathers debts in time as well.
The truth, however, is that I didnt really care.
I think I loved my father, but Im not sure how much I have ever respected him. Its hard to exin. Imend his hard work and all he tried to give me, but I simply dont understand how he could have done it. My father and I we are different. He tried as hard as he could to fit in this world, so hard he broke himself. He died while looking for a shred of normalcy.
My mother left him.
His other daughter died.
The one daughter he had left turned out to be a shrewd criminal who has no problem with killing and drawing the blood of innocents and criminals alike. Maybe its the pain and the hurt that are below everything else. People try to exin things to themselves, giving different versions of the story each time. We can be incoherent in a good or a bad way. Its good when we are incoherent because we grow up, because we go beyond what initially defined us and we evolve. Its bad when we twist reality to serve as a justification for what we do.
So, when I look over my feelings, I wonder if Ill twist them again the next time Ill find it convenient. Because, at the current moment, I dont feel like crying. I dont feel like what I did wrong is hurting me. I dont feel like much.
Revenge? Sure, thats going toe. But thats a chore. Something you stumble while you are on your way.
My father lived a life that I do not fully respect. I did respect my father, but not what he did. Maybe he wasnt enough of a man to win at this game, or maybe he was just another victim. Its a matter of cold perspective.
Sometimes I think about the values that he tried to pass onto me. One of them was family. He always tried to teach me how important it is to look after each other, to think of your family even when you were tired and wanted nothing more than toy down on your bed and close your eyes. In his mind, family came before everything.
And it begs the question: whos right?
Was it my mother who abandoned a sinking ship or my father, who stuck with it until the end?
Dying wasnt assured, but he was on the right track for a bad reckoning soon. And even if my mother eloped, I dont feel much toward that either. My father was strong and half-smart, my mother, instead, just a bitch. She had no brain. Probably where my sister got being retard from. And so, as a woman of few means, what should she have done? If life is not a book where the main character wins, what should have my mother have done other than run away and hope for a better life?
My father would be the fitting protagonist for a tragedy. In a way, I feel like he deserves to be the protagonist of whatever book would involve his family as well. Among all of us, he was the one who stuck with it when things went south. He was the man who tried so hard to ovee his poor origins and worked to death so that at least one member of his family could have a better life.
Me?
I dont know if Id want a book about me, or any story at all. Maybe history books. Now that I think better about it, history books for sure. A movie, though? Im not so sure. Only if my personality was reported as being different, as they often do with great leaders and historical figures. Something more inspiring, something that could have kids say, I want to be like her, and mean the exact opposite of what I am right now. If you ask why, just because I dont think theres anything in it for them to be like me.
I am here because I have no other choice.
What I do, I do because I see it as my path in life. I could have stayed put, resting, having a family. Maybe I would have had a nightmare here and there, taken some Xanax or hypnotic drug to sleep. In another life, Im a willy-nilly person whoughs, jokes, and keeps up the faade that sometimes I put up with to interact with people.
In another life, Im wearing a mask all the time, Im being nice to people, I use most of what I can do for good; maybe I help the homeless, and maybe Im looking after those who need help. In another life, Im happier, Im less desensitized to the little thingsto the big things as well. In another life, Im a man who enjoys stupid chit-chat, who can say something stupid with a smile and be happy about it.
In another life, Im someone who doesnt judge herself and the others so harshly, whos blocked by her own mind in a cage; and maybe, just maybe, I just think about finding the right person for me, instead of giving that up upfront.
Sometimes I wish I could know if anywhere in the world theres a person who feels what I feel. So far, it doesnt seem like it. Out of all the people Ivee to know, no one hides the same secrets I hold. No one. But sometimes I wish I could send a letter to the others person in this world who lives like me. But now, its toote. The warpath Im putting my footprints on is onlyrge enough for one person. Theres no space for a family, nor for love.
But still.
If I could do something in my life, I would like to know the one person whos like me, who could understand. I wish I could meet a person capable of putting a smile on my face, of breaking through the gtinous mold that encases my soul. Its inane, but I wish there was a person who could bring me a letter like the owls in Harry Potter, tell me theres a magical ce in this world where I can be different.
Or maybe not. Not anymore. Theres already too much blood on my hands and I would drag that to whatever ce I ever put my foot on. At some point in my life, I took a choice. And that choice was to be who I currently am. Unlike many imagine, you cante back from every choice. Some of them stick with your soul forever.
And so, I hope Ill never meet that person whos like me, the other half of my soul.
I put a hand on my cheek, feeling a lone tear trickling down my eye.
Goodbye, dad, I say while walking away.
Chapter 250: Hello World
Chapter 250: Hello World
Do you ever ask yourself whether stealing crutches from a disabled person is morally wrong or not?
You might think its a silly question, but is it, really? Because, when you think about the dignity of a disabled person, you have to do to them what you would to to others. Its like the same principle the church peddles around. How is it, like, dont do to others what others shouldnt do to you? Was it like that? Well, close enough. But if others shouldnt do to you what you shouldnt do to them, then you should do to them what they
I frown while looking at Anneus crutches with great intensity. I think I lost the thread of my thoughts there. The point is, would I do this to a non-disabled person? Probably. Would that, doing it to a non-disabled person, be a douche move? Just a prank. But are pranks something that douchy people do?
The more I think about it, the more this is a moral conundrum. Is there any Jordan Peterson video that tells you whether pranking people is funny or abusive?
What are you looking at? Anneus asks, moving his crutches from between us to his side of the couch.
Who, me? I reply innocently. Just admiring your hunky forms, dear.
Joey, Marcellusins, we have to finish our part of the research for the essay. Zahra and Sabina are still mad with you.
Mad?
Jealous because you are better at magic than them, Anneus sighs.
Its natural for girls to be jealous of men, Amelia chimes in.
What? Im still confused. They are jealous because Im a professor and a student, or something like that? Well, I mean, I dont really understand the point, but I guess I understand the perspective.
You are very good at Cantrips, Alba says shyly. That makes me jealous as well.
I also had to negotiate my right to stay alive with a bunch of power-hungry [Archmages] who might turn their back on me at any time.
Poor you, Anneus says.
Shall we go back to the research? Marcellus pleads.
Come on, Marcy, this is funnier, I smile.
Lets go back to the research, Anneus points.
Whatever. I sent some inquiries to the royal family, but I didnt get any reply. Bastards. I mean, whats the point of knowing the [Princess] if you cant even get some private interview?
So, [Professor] Aliuna wants us toe to a synthesis of opinions on the conflict and try to give a fresh point of view of what happened, Marcellus intercepts the conversation once again.
[Professor] Aliuna is a very good teacher, Amelia nods along.
Very hot teacher, I add.
Im getting a bit hungry, Alba, our big ahali friend, says while looking wistfully at my pantry. Shes a big fun of biscotti.
Coffee break, I p my hands and get up from the couch. There are a few weak protests, but our group has already split in the productive and unproductive halves. I like to think that our half is the one getting good food and enjoying themselves.
Coffee, Anneus raises his mug and smiles.
The disabled bastard doesnt even get up from the couch with the excuse of his crutches. And trust me, if you could see his sly smile, you wouldnt be happy about it either. But what can you do, tell him to get up and get it himself? That would bewhats the term for that? Ableist? Is ableist the right term? Is it ableist to define him as a disabled bastard? Hell, might be.
While I, Joey, pour some hot Joe inside Anneuss cup, I look around the room, finding Alba and Amelia hunched over some kind of dress that thetter has stitched for the big Ahali. Apparently, its very hard for Alba to find clothes that fit her size even at the Nine Towers Academy citadel. Shes as big as a half-giant, but her body is more slender and less bulky on the upper half. Her legs are also much longer than a normal persons. all of that makes it a bit hard to find things that fit her properly.
Joey, do you mind if I bring Alba upstairs for a second and fit her inside this? Amelia raises the dress and asks me.
Mmm. Is there anything radioactive or anything that might explode upstairs?
I think it should be safe.
Amelia drags Alba upstairs as soon as the words leave my mouth.
I mean, Im pretty sure its safe. I dont really remember what I did yesterday.
Fuck, Joey! Anneus swears as the coffee overflows from the cup and spills on him and on the couch.
Ohe on, we have [Cleansing] wands, I scoff, whats all the fuss.
Repeated use of [Cleansing] wands might weaken the fabric of clothes and furniture, Marcellus says.
Do you want to sleep outside, tonight? I ask to my non-paying tenant. Fetch some biscotti,e on.
As Iy down on my couch, on the verge of dozing off after hours spent on research during the weekend, I look at a figure looming in front of me.
I should remove your signature from the wards, I tell Robin while yawning.
I have news, he says while eyeing the pantry.
Oh God, is everyoneing here just for the biscotti?
You should open a shop around here, it would make a killing.
Still taking care of the business in Amorium. Goddamn Goblin has bought morend in my name. Hes building the park now. I swear, I cant even find my room anymore when I go over there.
Are you still using the [Princess]s magic to move around?
Go take your biscotti. I un-trapped the pantry after Marcellus almost lost a hand. People cant take a joke anymore. Also, I should start working on the poison wards. Did you fetch me the texts?
Yes. I have them with me, Robis says while loading a te with a veritable pound of biscotti, but Im not here because of that. I have news. Lots of news. You asked me to check out the owners of the Baguetterie, right?
The what?
The famous bakery, he replies.
Oh, right.
It has ties to the disaster the mysterious battles that went down on Carilia, he hands down a stack of papers to me.
Wait, which continent is Carilia again?
The multi-cultural on, Robis sighs, now used to questions like this one.
Right, right. The big one. So, Cassandre has ties to that?
Not exactly. There are rumors of it. Its been a while, now. But some Humans that were around the region says that a Human woman was involved in the great massacre.
Ill checkter, I say while nodding.
But whatever they are doing, now its all clean. They are not conducting any illicit business. I had my
I snort.
Fellows check it.
Robin scowls.
You know that they are not happy about youughing about them.
Not my fault that your people chose a ridiculous name.
For all the great [Heroes], Joey, Robin sighs, if Vrith didnt have your back, I swear.
I like Lord Juler more. If you remember, hes an actual hero with a legendary past. And hes got my back. Plus, arent Vanedenis supposed to be super strict about not making fun of them or something?
I didnt grow up among Vanedenis, the man says.
Hes a descendant, and a very capable one. But still not the real deal.
Well, whats up?
Apart from the bakery not having ties with whomever started looking for information about you we have actually found that person. To be honest, she found us. She wants to speak with you. Ive arranged a meeting for tonight if its not a problem.
Sure. Wait, was someone looking for me?
Yes, Robin rubs his forehead while munching on a biscotto, the underworld suddenly got several people looking into you. And, if you remember, you didnt even tell me what to do about that.
I frown and try to remember
Nope, I dont remember that.
Robin keeps munching on the sweet biscotti and he shrugs.
Anything else? I say while eyeing the rapidly disappearing mound of baked goods.
Not really, he says with a stuffed mouth.
Then?
Oh, wait, maybe he puts several biscotti at once in his mouth and starts chomping rapidly, pushing a few others in after swallowing. He holds a hand out and has me wait for an entire minute.
Now that I think about it
He stuffs his mouth again.
You know you can take some home, right?
He mumbles something but its unintelligible.
What?
Robin almost chokes before speaking out.
Cough, cough. I said, you dont live among thieves. You think no one would steal your biscotti? An artifact? They wouldnt stare steal one from me. But food? Its impossible to have any nice food like that among the Fellows. I should insert that into our code of honorbut then, it would probably start a mutiny, so
Listen, werent you supposed to find me a sparring partner?
I have, he says while munching.
You have?
I have. And I also left you a note. Its not exactly someone whos hiding away if you know what I mean.
What? No, Robin, I dont know what you mean. Who is it?
Alonna? The [Archmage]? Shes a master of hand-to-handbat. She was actually a [Martial Artist] before bing a [Mage].
Now, I dont want to sound whats the term when you disparage someone based on weight? Weightist? Fattist? Whatever.
If you give her the look you are now giving me, theres a good chance you might die. But again, shes the least sensitive among them when ites to stupid insults.
Is she? I think she once threatened to kill me, I reply.
Which is something several people, even your close friends, probably did, Robin shoots back.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Anyway, if you go to Alonna, you should be able to arrange some sparring. Be careful, she loves fighting.
Whatever. Oh, wait. What about the hidden sses?
We already gave you the list.
Oh. Can you just summarize it for me? Like, give me a breakdown?
You asked specifically for things about [Light]. There was none that we knew about. We even looked into it. Waithave you checked out the reports we have brought you three days ago? The ones you are paying through the nose for?
The history essay has kept me busy, I smile. But dont worry. I totally didnt forget about the reports. Just to be sure, in case they disappeared, would you mind giving me a copy?
Its going to cost you several gold coins, Robin shrugs.
Yeah, whatever. Just do it. I dont remember where I put them. Too many bag of holdings around here. And that stupid tower as well How am I supposed to not lose my things if Vrith keeps erging the space inside that ce?
Mh-mh, big problems, the man says while scooping up more biscotti from the pantry.
Whatever. Ill take a nap, dont wake me up
JOEY!
Motherf I shout and fall from the couch halfway through the swearing.
Anneus almost trips whileughing.
Christ, whats the matter with you?! I tell him, waiting for my heart to stop beating so fast. You almost stopped my heart with that. Goddamn Elves and their stupid ears.
We knew you would forget about the dinner, and we came to pick you up, Amelia smiled.
As I give my guests another look, I find thezy half of the group inside my house.
What dinner?
You said you would pay for food to celebrate your tenure as [Professor].
Did I?
And did I actually get tenure?
I mean, at this point they could be making stuff up and I wouldnt be able to check.
Damn, I really have to look into [Memory] spells, I yawn.
Whatever, give me a second. Ill go change. Dont steal any more biscotti, Marcellus!
But Ive been running errands all day! I require sustenance! heins.
Oh, shut up, youll ruin your appetite!
Thats so unfair!
Tell me about it, I snort.
So, Alba, is that the new dress? I say while looking at a long green piece of cloth hugging her form. Female ahali, unlike their counterpart, have a very slender torso and full legs. If they went around wearing thongs out of their jeans, furries would probably go nuts.
Isnt she super-pretty? Amelia smiles with her motherly way.
She is, I shoot her a custom-made Joey-trademarked wink.
So, where are we going? Anneus asks while moving himself around with his crutches.
Alba and I were thinking of grabbing something at the Baguetterie and then we asked a [Chef] to reserve some tables for a very special tasting! Some ssmates have been talking about that! Its only a couple of days a week that they do it, when the fresh magical ingredientse by!
If I had been in California and heard fresh magical ingredients, I would have a 100% expected someone to spike my food with mushrooms, I swear.
Oh, I think I heard about that, Anneus and smiles slimily. They say its a very nice experience. And its extremely pricy as well.
Huh, even the sulking animal sometimes looks excited. Then, I realize something.
Wait, is this alling out of my pocket?
Thats what the tradition calls for, Marcellus nods wisely.
Hell, you have been in on the tradition for a while then, Marcy, I snort. But whatever. My treat. You all go nuts. Is the other half of the crew meeting us there?
Yeah, they were busy. We are going to pre-charge our wands, instead, if you get what I mean, Ameliaughs.
What? No, I dont know what you mean. Whats up with people saying that all day? What does it mean to pre-charge our wands? It sounds very sexual.
It means drinking before an event, Alba says with a schrly voice, its customary among Elves and, by extension, many [Mages] around the world. Some adventurers have taken up the same custom. But I believe they say
I wonder how this girl ended up in our half of the group, honestly. Amelia, Anneus, and Marcellus? Yeah, they are a bitzy. Compared to Sabina, Zahra, Adrastus, and Aurelia? They are terrible students. But Alba? Her magical talent is up there with Adrastus. Once you ignore the fact that shes so shy, theres only a few scales here and there on her body, stuff that you can barely see. But, sadly, it appears to be enough to make her a pariah among her race.
Sometimes I wonder if we are the cool crew or the loser one, I tell the others, like, we are clearly less nerdy than the smarty-pants. But, we are also a bit weird. Where do we fall on the socialpass?
Socialpass? Amelia asks, frowning.
I mean, in the hierarchy. Are we cool?
If you are asking that question, you are not cool, Anneus notes.
I fear you might be right, I frown.
Anyway, are you sure you want to go to the Baguetterie? I say with a shrug. There are many other great ces
Joeys embarrassed because of the performance he gave to Cassandre when he revealed he was a Human like her. She has been recounting the story to everyone, saying how foolish he looked, Marcellus intercepts my prepared speech.
Goddamn it, I swear.
Oh yeah, she told me as well, Anneus nods. Imagine that.
So, we are going to another ce, I say.
No, we are not. I want to see how shameless you are, Anneus points out, a person should rightfully die of shame after that move.
Dont worry, Joey, Amelia says, Im sure you will find a nice girl at some point.
Jesus, Im good with girls! You have no idea how many girls I could have with just a snap of my fingers!
Sure, sure, big guy, Amelia says with a condescending smile.
Why do I hang out with you, people? Like, why?
Anneus pokes my back with his crutches as I enter the ce Ive been avoiding for the past few days. You know, you would expect that revealing your identity like that would be seen as something super-cool. Instead, I got shamed because of it. Where is the sense of theatrics among these people, huh?
But if they think Im too ashamed to face Cassandre, they are wrong. Never been ashamed to face any Frenchie.
There are many tables outside the ce and the inside is bursting with activity. Not a good sign when you want to interact with a girl. Theres too many to make a move and y your cards. Flirting is like hunting. You want to separate the antelope from the pack before starting the proper chase.
I wait among the queue while I think about alcoholic drinks. No one is making proper wine in this world, to be honest. Its not even like the Ancient Romans who mixed cheese in it or spices. These people simply dont have a great taste in that sense. Viniculture is non-existent. And so, they drink weird stuff fermented from other nts and so on. Not that it isnt a good idea, but they need to mix with juices and so on. In a way, its very close to present days cocktails.
Now, I hate describing myself as a foodie. I might have already said that, but foodie means idiot. Wine, though? I love a good ss of red wine. The US has also managed to reproduce some wines along the West Coast climate, which is downright incredible.
I would love to start a vineyard, but I dont really know much about it. Could I use this as an excuse to strike a conversation with Cassandre in the future? Ask her if she wants to talk about vines?
I look at the ceiling of the ce and I swear.
Goddamn idiot, I mutter to myself.
We are both Humans from Earth in a fantasy world, do we really need an excuse to chat about stuff? Also, I get creepy vibes from this girl. Not that they have ever stopped me from getting intimate with a girl, but she gives me super weird vibes. Why? I dont know. Call it my spidey-sense for chicks. Some people have a crazy/hot scale, I have a sixth-sense for how dangerous a woman can be. And for some reason, Cassandre gives me otherworldly vibes in that sense. Thats the one reason I have yet to flirt too strongly with her. And Im not even sure whats the meaning of the vibes Im getting, but I feel very unsettled when Im around her. Wary, in a way.
Joey, I hear her voice call me as the queue pushes me to the front.
Wassup, I reply with a wide smile. Looking good. Heres my order.
I hand her a piece of paper.
Cordius! Coming up! she scribbles down something on the order and gives me a number.
Do I tell her that she shouldnt be spreading rumors about me? Nah, thats going to soundme. Do I make a remark? Theres not time to flirt. What do I do? Simply go and stand in the corner? Do I make the ce explode? Maybe a tad too extreme.
Later, alligator, my brain catches up with my mouth a second toote as I move to the side.
What the actual f
What was that? What the hell was that?!
I scratch my forehead as I stare at the number Im holding in my hands. Am I having a stroke? Did my speech centers in my brain just die? What happened? Where was the smoothness? I was thinking of the best move and I bet I could have said something nice so why did I sayI dont want to even think about it. Look, maybe she didnt notice. Maybe, she just
I see her smirk at me and shake her head while she serves another person.
Jesus almighty and St. Peter in tow
I mean, why?
At least she looked at me.
I did not expect this. I did not expect it in the slightest. I mean, I could understand if I said something a bit cringy, butter, alligator? Maybe it was just my attitude. With another tone, slightly ironic maybe. Who knows? I mean, what can you expect. I mean I mean
I look down at my number.
293.
That not a pretty number, is it?
And why do I have to be the only one entering this stuffy ce? Hell, its too warm in here with this many people around.
[Professor] Luciani! a couple of students call out to me while Im waiting.
Yo, wassup, I nod at them.
Are you having dinner here?
Is this one of those situations where people dont realize that professors have a life outside the ssroom, that they dont exist just as spirits chained to the desk?
Heh, just charging up the wands, you know, I shrug. Going for a tasting somewhere somewhere with special ingredients in a couple of hours.
As they start asking me questions about where Im going to eat next, I stop listening because I notice Cassandre surreptitiously sneaking a few nces at me. I wink toward her with nonchnce, now too deep in the waters to do anything else. Better act like nothing just happened.
Later alligator.
Jesus Christ.
Its not even cheesy, its just in stupid.
If a psychologist from LA had been there, he might have diagnosed me with Asperger or ADHD on the spot!
So, [Professor]! [Professor]! they yell in my ear.
Goddamn students.
What?
So, do you have any special tip for the assignment you gave?
Wait.
What assignment?
Oh, right! The boobs!
Always ask before touching them, I snort and wave my hand while I get away from them. The order number is getting closer and I go up to a huge half-giant whos serving out the drinks.
Yo, I nod at him, drinks for order 293?
Did you get your food?
No?
Wait for the food.
But
Next!
Jesus.
I create a small spell matrix inside the shop with a refrigerating effect and the temperature finally bes bearable. I take out my thermos of coffee and start sipping straight from it. Cant be bothered to take out a cup from it.
Did you hear? They just saw Royal Guards around! Some big shot ising!
Oh, maybe the [Princess]?
I think its the [Princes]! Maybe they will get another master after Marcus died!
Oh, guards?
I wonder
Order 293! a half-giant employee of this ce shouts.
Yo! I raise my hand with the little paper scrap in it.
This is your food, go get the drinks over there, the man says while handing out a bunch of food in a bag made of leaves. Yeah, leaves. Like Adam and Eve but for baguettes. They do kind of look like fig leaves as well.
Can I have my drinks now? I ask the guy, showing him that I have the food with me now.
He hands out a bunch of cheap wooden cups that are apparently mass produced around here. The drinks cost more because you can bring them home with you.
Thanks, I say, while I levitate all the drinks with a simple tform made of pure magic. Its actually much harder than what it looks like and I have to create a small shield around it to avoid having these hormonal hooligans bump into it.
Bye! I say without turning back, not knowing if Cassandre has heard me or not.
I cant believe they didnt show up, Amelia says for the umpteemth time.
Whatever, I say while holding my stomach. I ate too much. Eating and drinking before the tasting was a terrible idea. For some reason I had assumed it would be some kind of fancy tasting with micro-portions. Oh boy, if I was wrong. The portions were huge. I think I might have eaten three pounds of meat tonight.
They could have sent word to justify their absence, Marcellus speaks, slightly slurring the words because of the alcohol.
I look at Alba, whos barely walking straight. Apparently, Ahalis are not great at holding their alcohol. Not even the draconic blood in her vein did her any good in that regard.
Where does Alba live? I ask Amelia.
She scrunches her face, and looks at the half-monkey, half-rabbit, half-humanoid with worry in her eyes.
Pretty far. Maybe we should let her sleep at your ce.
Sure, no problem, I nod.
I didnt drink much alcohol. As previously mentioned, Im not the biggest fan of fruity cocktails. A good ss of wine? Sure, every day of the week and every hour of the day. But not a colorfulposition that looks like a kid mixing random things.
That Ivafosia was extremely good, Anneus says.
Yeah, it was decent, I nod.
What? Cant be a bit snob about food? You expect me to go to a random restaurant that does weekly tasting and not hold them at very high standards?
The food was passable, but the price was insane. They actually made us pay upfront to be sure we could afford it. Meh, whatever.
Are those Royal Guards? Amelia asks while we are very near my ce.
Well, goodnight Joey, Anneus says and turns on his feet.
Oh no, I say while grabbing his shirt, if they want to execute me, you areing with me. With all I paid tonight, your life wouldnt even make up for half the tab.
YOU WHAT?
Suddenly, one of the windows of my ce explodes outward, showering the ground in shards of ss. The voice sounds terribly familiar.
That was very strong, enchanted ss, I note, pondering whether I should find an inn for the night.
SLUT!
WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!
The second voice sounds very familiar as well.
Oh, wait.
I think I might know whats happening.
Well, I think we should all go to sleep in an inn. My house is currently unavable, I say with a smile.
So, was it her? Did she look for information about me through the underworld? Weird that Robin wouldnt mention that.
Excuse me!
I suddenly hear a British ent from the side of the street.
Excuse me! a woman reaches us with a wide pearly-white smile. My mouth goes ck because I swear Im looking at what Penelope Cruz would look like if she was hotter than she already is.
Is that Joey Lucianis house? she asks while pointing at the house where a second window just exploded.
Oh, that one? No, I dont think so. Joey Luciani doesnt live here, I say while slowly caressing Princess Bianca. He moved. Far, far away
OH, ARE YOU LOOKING FOR JOEY LUCIANI? THIS GUY RIGHT HERE IS JOEY LUCIANI!
As soon as Anneus stops shouting, the noises in the house go quiet.
Oh, you are Joey Luciani? the British woman smiles kindly. Im Penelope, I was looking for you. Im sorry about the hour but I was attending to some business around the academy untilte. Is it a bad moment?
As I see both [Princess] Laura and Lucindae out of my ce, I feel that, indeed, it is a bad time. Also, it would have been nice if I learned [Teleport] by now. I surely could have used it.
Joey? right as Im thinking that the night couldnt go worse, I hear Cassandres voice at my back. As I turn, I see her changed out of her work attire to a more rxed set of clothes, with a frown while she looks at the woman named Penelope and the other two women who are aggressively approaching.
Well, how you doin? Iunch in a panoramic smile all around.
Chapter 251: Love Pentagon
Chapter 251: Love Pentagon
On one side, there are Laura and Lucinda, blistering in anger. On the other, there are Cassandre and Penelope, two confused women.
How you doin?
You slept with this woman after you promised to marry me?! Laura shouts, sword in hand. The Royal Guard is behind her, not looking happy about my presence or maybe just about the fact that Im still breathing.
None of your business, I say to Laura with a smile, you disappeared and took advantage of me. Now that Im not a contaminated product anymore and none of that thanks to you youe back? What does that mean?
As shes starting to formte an angry reply, I hold a hand up.
Laura, Im done with you.
I turn to Lucinda.
If you have any serious problems involving your safety or anything like that,e back tomorrow morning, and well talk about it. If you are here in any other vest, Id rather not see you.
I turn to Penelope.
Miss, I gotta go now. Itste. I suppose Robin was talking about you, right? Well, you cane back tomorrow at a more reasonable hour, thank you. I bet we have a lot to talk about, but Im tired.
I turn toward Cassandre and just wave a hand.
What did you just say
Laura, I look at the [Princess] while the only real princess in my arms squeals insults at her, Im not having any conversations with you at this moment. And I have no idea why you would think that entering my house in my absence was a good idea nor can I imagine how blowing up some windows was whatever. Im covered by the [Archmages], reputation-wise, but I bet I can take you and your Royal Guards if you want it to get ugly. If you want anything else, talk to the [Dean], Ariostus. Hell schedule a meeting in the presence of other [Archmages]. Thats the only way Im meeting the royal family.
Lucinda just stares at me with a frown, clearly not happy about the situation. Laura, on the other hand, looks on the verge of exploding.
But listen, Im done. Ive had my fair share of crazy in the past. I know, I know. Nothing like a murderous and opportunistic [Princess], but still. I didnt want to get a red ss or whatever, and I listened to Ariostus, who seemed to be one of the few people who actually cared. So, why not start taking a bit more care of myself? Itste, and I want to rest.
Amelia, bring Alba and the others to my house. Close the door and twist the handle two times in the other direction. That will turn on the wards in case anyone was to attack.
Thankfully, the older woman gets the message and starts herding the others toward the house.
Ill see youdies at another time, then?
Bloody hell, Joey Luciani, Penelope mutters while going away. I turn over my shoulder and see Cassandre still standing there, looking dazed.
As I see it, the main problem here is the two nutjobs whose names start with an L. But if they want another L, Ill dly give them one. Because they are not getting any D, thats for sure.
I didnt even know if you were alive! I thought you had turned to the Vanedenis side! How could I have known that you were still alive?! Princess Laura shouts at me.
Here we go.
I steel my heart.
You didnt do shit when Marcus tried to kill me. Neither did your ancestor, King Tiberius, the name rolls off my tongue with venom. Its the first time I have talked about him like that.
Guess that that Stan has died.
And so, you just go around sleeping with another woman because you dont know what happened?! You dont think I pleaded for your case at court?!
I mean, in a way, this tters me. It means Im so strong that even the ever [Princess] wants to get a hold of me. Why Lucinda is here, instead, Im not entirely sure. Ill give her the minimum benefit of the doubt, though.
So, now we shift the me. I could have died, but sure, sleeping with Lucinda is the problem. Laura, listen, you might have some redeeming qualities here and there, but our history is through. Im done.
As I speak, I notice that Lucinda has yet to utter a single word, and that makes me nervous. Crazy and loud? I can handle that. Crazy and silent? Oh, shit, start running, my friend.
Why dont you grow up, Joey! Im a [Princess]. Do you have any idea about the responsibilities that hang over my shoulders?
Rule number one of a maniptor: shift the me or make yourself the victim; once you take the high moral ground, you are good.
As I look over my shoulder, I see a big half-giant standing by Cassandres side and whos currently speaking into her ear. After a second, they go away.
Huh, I muse.
and all that I could have done if you just asked! Instead, you wanted to fight alone! You wanted to side with the Vanedenis instead of me and my ancestor!
Christ, still speaking?
Whats the best move here? Usually, its ghosting. But when you are dealing with a literal [Princess] with dangerous bodyguards?
Youre here to start trouble as well? I ask Lucinda.
I am talking to you! Youyou worm!
Can I repurpose the word worm? Like, can I start a trend among Humans? Calling each other worms? Mmm, the more I say it, the better it sounds. Why not.
You talking to me, worm? I shoot back.
What did you call me?!
I called you a worm, worm, I snort at Laura.
The Royal Guard finds that less amusing, though, and a few weapons are unsheathed immediately.
You dare insult the crown?!
Man, shits going down, isnt it?
Id advise you against any esction, Laura. You called me a worm; I simply called you a worm back. If you harm Lucinda or me, not only will the [Archmages] have to intervene, and you might risk big in your position, possibly creating the basis for a civil war, but youll also make an enemy out of Princess
You are a poor bastard worm! Im going to take your head off!
God, the woman is beside herself. But if we cant avoid a battle
Suddenly, Princess Bianca escapes from my hands, jumps over my shoulder, and lets out an angry squeal at Laura.
Oh,e on, Princess Bianca, shes not a stupid bitch? What? No, shes not a power-hungry magic digger? What did you call her now? Can you repeat that? What? A stupid manipting idiot? Oh no, shes not that. No, no.
Better goad her into making the first move.
Lucinda starts walking away from the Princess. Thetter is now so furious she has lost any reason and willingness to discuss further. I start summoning magic at my fingertips, reading several spell matrixes on hand. I kind of feel bad for insulting her like that, but I do need her to lose it. Once she starts attacking, Ill just defend myself until someone intervenes. Princess Vrith, or any [Archmage], really.
Oh, little Laura, I hear a voice before things get serious, and I look up.
A huge woman is levitating above us. She wears sleeveless garbs, and her tremendously fat arms jiggle in the windy night.
[Archmage] Alonna, Laura suddenly sobers up as she sees the womaning between us.
You know that hes under our protection, child. So, what do you think you are doing?
Do you think you can just hide behind an [Archmage]?! Laura ignores her and shouts at me.
I mean, honestly? I think I can hide very well behind this [Archmage].
Alonna, clearly not happy with being ignored, raises a huge leg and ms it on the ground. For a second, my feet leave the ground.
Jesus, I say as Ind and grab Princess Bianca before she falls.
If you want to ignore me, little Laura, you better be ready for the consequences, Alonna speaks somberly.
[Archmage], suddenly, an armored member of the Royal Guard steps forward. Its probably time for damage control. Even the [Princess] can do so much before a magical spanking, it seems.
Captain Lucianus, Alonna smiles curtly, it would be better for you if you reined the Princess in. Im not used to dealing with kids and derive no pleasure from punishing them.
Im really sorry [Archmage], the man designated as Captain Lucianus says, we will get out of your ears immediately.
Lucianus, I realize, is a beautiful name. We could be friends, you know? Also, if even the [Archmage] knows this guy, is he important or something?
I am not
We will organize a meeting with Joey Luciani if you will be so kind as to be the host, [Archmage], the captain nods at the other guards, who basically drag Laura away.
That would be a wee resolution, Alonna nods. I have some business with Joey Luciani now.
Sure, [Archmage], the man in the bulky armor says. He does some kind of military salute before marching away.
Wow, that was something. Why dont I possess the same authority as this woman?
Joey Luciani, Alonna says while turning to face me.
Well, there were a bunch of girls around until a minute ago, I smile widely, and now Im stuck with the most beautiful one.
You are a tterer, Joey Luciani, Alonna smiles, but lets avoid having my truth spells explode. Give me a second.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
She starts chanting under her breath and several privacy spells form around us. I activated my skill because Im curious to see what level her spellwork is at.
Christ.
With the finest control I have seen in a long time, she weaves together some simple but effective barriers. They intertwine so tightly that what they do to avoid people spying on us is basically just create a filter so tight that it bes impossible to bypass.
Lets chat now, she says.
Chapter 252: [Archmage] Alonna
Chapter 252: [Archmage] Alonna
Nice spells, I say to start the conversation.
I used to consider myself an odd spellcaster beforeing to your ss, she says with a straight face. Boobs? [Archmages] of old are probably trying to climb out of their tombs to bury you along with them. But then, its also true that you have an [Archmage] of old by your side. A Vanedeni [Princess] that sent the world in disarray and then simply went back into hiding.
Vrith is worried about some higher magic, I shrug, shes a bit crazy, you know.
Its rare to find someone who speaks like that about their master.
Master? What? Vrith is not my master, I say with a little too much passion.
Oh, Alonna smiles, content with having pried more info out of me.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever. My master is stronger than Vrith. Well, was, at least.
Another Vanedeni, Alonna says, but thats not why I came here. I had people keeping an eye on you, and they told me the [Princess] hade to create problems for you. So, you have no intention of going forward with the engagement.
Still fishing? Yeah, who cares. No engagement. No marriage. No Elven crown. Is that a problem?
A problem? Its a smart decision. The court is no ce for anyone with a brain, Joey Luciani. Im just not interested in meddling with their affairs more than I have to. And since ourmon friend told me you need someone to spar with, I wanted to work out a favorable arrangement for us both.
Sure thing, I smile.
Many decide not to meddle with the underworld, cutie, she says, going slightly off-topic and shooting a wink at me. Its rare to find practical mages.
Cutie?
Oh, right. This woman called me a cutie during the meeting presided by Ariostus as well. Right!
Well, thanks. But what do you want in return for having sparring sessions with me?
Friendship, she smiles. You officially started learning magic around a year ago. If that is true, then you must be a prodigy like we have rarely seen them. Magic has behaved differently for the past few years, Luciani.
She says the second part with a more solemn tone, and her eyes shift from yful to serious.
Change is in the air. And when an era ends and a new one begins, people in my position die like flies. Ill not bemitted to arrogance like Titus. And even he was present at your lessons. You are not yet strong as a proper [Mage] would be, but you have terrifying weapons at hand. That rose, in particr
And I still have to finish working on that spell, you know? Been busy with other stuff.
You should still be practicing Cantrips, Alonnaughs, and, instead, here you are teaching them to [Archmages]. Your advanced knowledge is only part of the reason you are strong, youngster.
All right. Ill be your friend, but what will you teach me?
Magic, fighting, love everything, really. You have such a distinct personality. Youre very talented, cutie.
Is she hitting on me?
But as far as magic goes, Im sure Vrith and your mysterious master have you covered. But fighting? I have been on Kome, and I met Lady Goldith. She and I have mutual respect. I was therest year, actually. She was nning for suddenly, Alonna stops speaking.
Id love to chat more, but I have other matters to attend to. Ill have someone deliver a message.
Why dont people use [Message] spells instead?
Too easy to snatch out of air. If you want to make them your thesis to be an official [Archmage] of the academy, though, thatd be wee, cutie.
That was weird, I tell Princess Bianca while going inside my ce.
As soon as I enter, I see everyone sttered all over the ce. Anneus is sleeping on the couch with his face buried in a soft pillow, prone. Marcellus is yawning theatrically while still stuffing his mouth with more food from my pantry.
Amelia is on the other couch, sleeping peacefully.
Right, she probably took Alba upstairs, I tell myself. I didnt buy a second bed yet, and that might have been a mistake.
I reach Marcellus, making a mental note to myself to arrange for a second and maybe a third bedroom for the upstairs. Theres no space yet. But who said I couldnt expand, right? People here have skills and levels; how hard could it be?
Marcy, still eating? Arent you full?
Never, he yawns. Was everything resolved peacefully?
I guess. Alonna vouched for me. Cool stuff. Im not sure if shes trying to hit on me or not.
Why are they all sleeping up here? I ask him right after.
I dont know, Marcellus yawns again.
Anneus, on the other hand, sits up and stares at us.
Cant you be quiet? he says a second before diving back into the pillow.
We need another couch, I say.
Or two, Marcellus notes, slightly more awake.
Well have room for all of us there.
I start to make the adjustments in my head to figure out what my living room would look like, maybe moving the coffee table in front of Anneuss couch to another spot.
Well, I have some cots in my bag of holding; wait.
After I wake up the following day, I find Alba downstairs, talking to Princess Bianca and Amelia.
Yo, I greet them. Whats going on?
We were discussing what happenedst night, Alba says. Amelia and I are going to stay together. Amelia has to move out of the house.
What?
Im waiting for my husbands pension and cant reach my sons at the moment, she says with a smile, Alba said she has room at her ce and that she wouldnt mind somepany.
Is Princess Biancaing as well? I say, pointing at the Wallorian Treasurer.
Oh, no, she just wanted to listen, Alba says respectfully. Shes clearly afraid of the little white pig.
Dont let her bully you, Alba, I snort, shes a bit haughty.
My Wallorian Treasurer shoots a look at me. A mean look.
Be nice, I tell her.
Shes lovely, Alba replies, dont worry. She was just listening, really.
I re suspiciously at the Wallorian Treasurer, a magical breed renowned for taking advantage of people, and sigh.
The idea of having someone living with me is weird, Alba says but suddenly adds, but in a good way! I never had siblings.
Oh, Ill be your older sister, then! Amelia beams. I can teach you how to cook and look for a good marriage!
I snort so loud I think I just hurt my nose.
Amelia! Alba says bashfully.
Dont worry; Ill take care of you! And you havent told me what kind of guys you like!
Amelia! Alba says again, sorrowfully, probably already regretting her choice.
I have an idea! Amelia deres.
Oh, pray tell, I say, very amused by all of this.
We should take a walk around the academys library and bring some food with us. I can strike up some conversations and get you to know a few more guys! That way, we can learn your type!
Anyway, well be out of your ears now, Amelia says, basically dragging Alba away with her.
You need help moving?
Oh, no, I didnt bring much to the academy. Maybe Ill go look for a jobter.
Have fun, I say while waving at them.
As soon as they are out of the door, I kick awake both Marcellus and Anneus.
Aw, whats happening? Marcellus groans.
What are you doing?! Anneus screams, frustrated.
Shut up, both of you, I order, lets get something into your stomach. We need to talk. Also, I need to go for a walk and stretch my muscles. Lets get going.
You know, I would usually consider the morning a sacred time not to be disrupted by anything, not even myself. But this situation with Amelia must be discussed, and Id like to make these two little idiots more responsible.
So, what? What is it that you want to discuss? Are you a criminal mastermind on top of everything? Whats all this secrecy?
Anneus has been whining since he woke up. I dont know honestly, sometimes I wish he would remember I actually killed people. I know its a horrid thing to say, but cant a man who capped several [Mages], including a potential [Archmage], get a bit more respect? And, in a way, I am a criminal mastermind. I smuggled away so much money from the national treasury that its a miracle I didnt get a [Thief] ss. [Magical Thief]. That would have been fun.
Should I start behaving more like an asshole? Like, how do you get people to fear you a bit more? But I just really want Anneus to be less ball-busting. How does that work without necessarily scaring everyone away?
Also, why cant I take [Archmage] Alonna belly-tackling me like Kung-Fu Panda out of my mind?
We have something very serious to discuss, you little prick, I say with a serious face. Remember, Anneus. I am the Human who killed Appius, the rising star of the Nine Towers Academy. Dont act like an asshole if I told you
Cant you just exin what it is instead of losing all this time? hepletely ignores my threats.
I exhale loudly.
Okay, whatever. Lets talk.
Chapter 253: Make It Rain
Chapter 253: Make It Rain
Imagine having a conversation where people ask you, whats better: pancake, French toast, or waffle? and not walking away immediately. How can it be possible to have such a nd taste? First of all, anything with the word French in it should be dered illegal. Second, waffles and pancakes are the two ndest desserts one can imagine.
I would go as far as saying that if you like pancakes, you have no taste whatsoever. Come on; they dont taste of anything. I mean, you could try to make them better, add things in order to give some nice vor to the dough. But why would you do it? I mean, at that point, it basically bes a cake. And guess what, you cant cook a decent cake in a pan.
Oof, memories.
Do you know how some people dont realize that you are a professional? Or, even worse, how some people try to one-up you precisely because you are a professional? Well, I remember that one time this woman came to me iming she could bake the best cakes in a pan. Sure, you can cook a cake in a pan. Hell, nowadays they make made I guess, Im not on Earth anymore anyway, they used to make special pots to bake and whatnot. But guess what, genius, you need a better distribution of heat to have the dough cook in the best way possible. Food is not just killing the bacteria and heating up the ingredients. Where from, how, and how much are fundamental things when using an oven. If you are cooking pasta, you dont need to know the precise distribution of heat because its in water. But inside an oven? Jesus, you have no idea! Did you know that if you dont clean your oven properly, the distribution of heat gets messed up? I bet you didnt.
And guess what? There are some housewives out there who believe they are professional chefs. Man, listen, I dont want to be mean, but if you are cooking at home with just a few utensils and you manage to make a good cake, good for you. But remember, thats not a professional cake. Maybe one out of tens of thousands of housewives will be as good as a good chef. And sure, there are people who are supposedly professional but make disgusting food. Sure. Thats why restaurants fail. Thats why any business fails. Sometimes, you are just not capable enough.
What? You think that back on Earth and here my baking sess is due to what? Luck? I mean, I heard that once. And Ill tell you what. In Sicily, where the Cannolo Sicilianoes from, the pastry thats basically fried dough filled with sheep ricotta, theres a city almost in the middle of nowhere. Compared to US geography, its a vige, basically. Its nothing. The smallest part of the world you can imagine without going straight to the Amazonian Rainforest.
So, you enter this ce, and it looks like every other city built in the 20th century. Plus, its mostly a ghost town. Its literally just one straight street. Theres nothing. Literally, absolutely, nothing. But guess what?
Once you are halfway through, you can see a queue of people outside a bakery. And Im not joking, fe. This is a real thing. You can see more than a hundred people there, waiting in line while checking their phones or smoking a cigarette. People drive miles to get their breakfast there. Why? Well, because they have the best cannoli siciliani in the entire region. And, unlike some think, its not just a rumor; if it was, they would go out of business immediately. You can drive for miles for a rumor once, maybe twice if you are a bit stupid. But if you want people toe back and wait in line under the hot Sicilian sun, you butter have the most perfect motherflipping ricotta in the world.
Joey? I feel Marcellus shaking my arm.
Green Groves and Brown Barricades, Anneus sighs, is he doing it again?
Joey! Marcellus basically shouts in my ear.
What? What happened?
You were just staring into the distance, he says.
Oh, right.
So, where are we going? Anneus asks.
Adrastuss ce, I nod to myself. Thats where.
You know where he lives? Anneus looks skeptical.
Me? No. But I have a file on him I look around the house, somewhere.
You have files on us? Anneus asks while we walk toward the designated address.
Kind of. Practical stuff. Background checks. Nothing major, I shrug.
Well, thats Marcellus looks pale when he hears that.
He probably doesnt remember half of it, Anneus says in a rare gesture of kindness. Nothing to worry about, even if you did something wrong in the past. Chances are this guy will probably confuse our names at some point.
Interesting behavior.
Anyway, I yawn, we go to Adrastus, we get him to help us help Amelia. She has it rough, money-wise. Also, shes got some problems of her own. Dont be assholes when you are with her. Anneus, Im mainly speaking to you.
Marcellus has be very nervous after I revealed the thing about me having their backgrounds in writing. But you know, I would be as well if I were him. Why? Well
Why do we need Adrastus? Anneus asks.
Why? Have you looked at us? Whos subtle and gentle here? You? Marcellus? We dont want to create trouble for Amelia. We want her to be happy. Get us to help her alone, and thats like taking a sledgehammer into a ss shop.
Why Adrastus, then? Anneus seems slightly jealous of the mans qualities.
Hes used to court etiquette or something like that. Apparently, he also has a nemesis? Long story short, he should be good at scheming.
Says the person with files on all of us, Marcellusins in an unusually in tone.
Stop fuckingining, Anneus snarls at a tching Marcellus.
Dont worry, Marcy. Its alls good, I tell him.
Wassup! I say as soon as Adrastus swings his door open, barging inside his house without an invite. Better to enter now than having to force our way in when he shuts the door closed.
Joey? the man smiles and frowns at the same time.
My man, Adrastus.
Arent you supposed to prepare the assignments for next week? What are you doing here?
Three days, Jesus. I have three goddamn days. Whats your problem? Anyway, Marcy and Anneus are with me. We have a problem, and we need your cunning?
Joey, as you might know, we have several assignments. And we need to keep up with the research for the History of Magic midterm. We cant just
Yo! Anneus barges in through the door, mming a crutch on the wall. Nice ce. So, you are royalty? Why didnt you ever say anything?
What? Royalty? Adrastus frowns.
Joey said your family is at court.
My father is a [Courtier], Adrastus rubs his face, and I dont remember telling you that.
Hes talking to me.
He has files on us. Apparently, he background-checked everyone, Anneus says.
Christ, I yell, ok. Lets keep that between us. You three have rtively safe stories. The others? I dont want them to think Im butting my nose in their lives. Anneus, I swear, if you say anything to them!
Well done, Adrastus shrugs. It would bemon procedure for anyone belonging to royalty to have their friends evaluated. Joey is a Human with prodigy-like talent and ties to the Vanedenis. Its a miracle he hasnt been assassinated yet. The reason for thatprobably [Princess] Vrith.
Christ, this is not about me, people. Come on. All in. Marcy! Get inside! Come on! We need to talk.
As we take our ces at the side of a table, I spend a second examining their faces. Everyone, in their own regard, is shook by the news that I have info on them. Im not sure I should have said anything, honestly.
Anneus surprises me because hes frowning and thinking. All of this in silence. Its a miracle, really.
Whats happening? Adrastus asks, moving some papers and parchment around on the table.
Amelia is having some money problems. We were wondering how to help her without being insensitive?
Adrastus looks at Marcellus for a second before looking at me again.
Insensitive? You want to give her some money but covertly. Create a job and assign it to her?
Eh, I dont really have much clout around Elves, you know.
Leave the money on the road and wait for her to find it. She looks like she might believe she got lucky, Anneus suggests.
Meh, she would probably start looking around to give it back, I shoot it off.
Amelia seems weirdly proud about that stuff, Adrasts nods, maybe you should hire her for something. You have some serious money lying around if you can afford background checks.
Didnt I tell them that I basically robbed the royal treasury? Well, lets keep that under the lid, then.
Lets brainstorm a few more ideas, I tell them. Nothing sounded good so far.
Chapter 254: Boys
Chapter 254: Boys
Would I let Buffy the Vampire yer stab me if I happened to be a vampire? Well, isnt that a good question
Joey! Adrastus ps my arm and I almost drop my cigar.
What?
You were drifting off, again! the man takes a puff from his own cigar and shakes his head. Anneus and Marcellus simply enjoy their own rolled tobo, courtesy of yours truly.
Four guys puffing cigars and eating some pastries that I had in my bag of holding. Adrastus isnt that averse to wasting his time now, is he? Well, chilling with the boys is part of socializing at the Nine Towers Academy.
So, do you have any ns for what you are going with your studies? I ask Adrastus.
Arent we supposed to discuss Amelia?
Yeah, but no one managed a good idea so far, I shrug, we might as well get to know each other better. Plus, you have ditched us off yesterday night. You and the others.
We were busy with extracurricrs, Adrastus shakes his head and sighs, the midterm is not that easy, Joey. Not everyone here is a prodigy.
You two should be worried of all the time this guy is having you waste, Adrastus sighs.
Hes an idiot, Anneus agrees, but hes also been practicing Cantrips with us in private. Alba can probably blow your head off with a ball of [Light]. And Marcellus is not bad either.
We are still behind on theory, though, I nod. Some of it is in boring. I get the history assignment, but the rest is a bit meh.
Meh?
Meh, I nod.
What is meh?
The rest is meh, I smile.
Hes botching History of Magic and keeps falling asleep during Fundamentals of Magical Theory, Marcellus exins, snapping out of the background check daze. Hes just a bit of a lunatic.
A bit, Anneus snorts. Yeah, right.
Im not botching History of Magic, I snort, I can guarantee you
Whats thetest assignment, then? Anneus volunteers.
Something absolutely and terribly boring, thats what it is, I smile. Also, I peer on the table, trying to see if Adrastus was working on that.
Primitive enchantments, Marcellus says, we have a paper due in four days.
Can I buy papers from Robin to skip the boring sses?
Ill never understand why that ss is mandatory, I sigh.
Its mandatory because its supposed to teach us something useful. However, what its supposed to do is not always what it does. In practice, people needed a title as [Professors] and the rted ss, Adrastus exins.
I mean, they could have tried giving out a less boring ss. Or maybe exploring the secrets of how magic was born, more interesting theories. Every time I hear that [Professor], I feel like I should just drop dead. Could teach soporiferous magic, Ill tell you that.
Everyone snorts at my joke and keep puffing on the cigar.
You should stop sleeping during the Fundamentals of Magical Theory ss, Joey, Marcellus suddenly ps his forehead. I got a note the other day because of you! You cant snore that loud!
Whatever, Ill tell the [Dean] to erase it. Whats a note anyway?
They weigh it in during your assessment. If your conduct has not been up to pair
They make you professor, I wink. Come on, forget about it. Marcy, you are going to be fine. If they dont want you, Ill fight tooth and nail for you. Look, Ill go around bribe the other [Professors] and get you in.
That earns me a row of nces and silence.
Oh, what now? We can kill people in a goddamn arena but someone mentions bribery in this god-forgotten nation and you get scared?
I mean, you could get expelled for that, Adrastus points out.
Sure, they are going to expel the guy teaching the good magic to the [Archmages], Adrastus. Thats exactly whats going to happen. Come on, guys, its school, not the end of the world. If someone had a wand to your head, I could see the solemn face and let me tell you, even in that case Id consider not worth it. Have a smile. You dont want to worry to much? We be adventurers and dig up the old magic! Whats all the fuss with this Nine Towers Academy, anyway? They were teaching subpar Cantrips, dont you think theres anything better out there? You think that they hold the secrets? If they did, they wouldnt be here! Hell, they would hoard them for themselves! Come on! Stop worrying about this stupid school and enjoy your life!
Joey Anneus starts.
No, Joey. No. All this anxiety, all this worry. For what? Listen, I have severe anxiety because of stupid shit. If someone could help me out with that, why wouldnt I thank them? You have a problem with this school? As a [Mage] of quite the caliber, let me tell you, you can do it. You dont need the [Archmages], you dont need the towers. You dont need this ce. Life is beautiful because its full of variety, not just because you have to go through school to seed. Sure, they have some good stuff, but lets enjoy this ce! Its not a death sentence!
Anneus takes a deep breath letting some of the ash from the cigar fall on the table and swears.
This stupid fuck is right.
I can see why he would think that, Adrastus shrugs, and
Unconventional path to unconventional oues, Marcellus suddenly says. I like that.
Adrastus doesnt resume what he was saying, he simply stares at the dark table with a long face.
You promise a lot, Joey, he says. You did the same with the Princess, whos now apparently after you.
The sudden change in topic has me reeling for a second.
What do you mean?
You said you would marry her if you got the permission to do so. These news, they circte fast among the court and the nobles. My gens is not among the great nobles, but they do have the Kings ear. Apparently, a Human suitor promised war on Teiko in exchange for his daughters hand. Now, you promise the world to us. But you didnt keep your promise with the [Princess], did you? Why should we trust you?
All of Adrastus'' words take a while to sink in.
I was almost killed by an illegal intervention of Marcus and his personal disciple, Adrastus, I smile sadly, do you think the crown cared about that? When that happened, I saw it in Lauras face: she would never give me what I would have given her. Also, Im not sure how good she would be in a zombie apocalypse. Shes an opportunist. She might be lying to herself, maybe. Who knows. Not everyone knows they are a piece of shit, you know? But her? I saw the look in her eyes. She was waiting. If I had survived, she would side with me, otherwise well, shed a few tears and move on.
Joey saved Lucinda, Marcellus adds among the silence.
The Human girl, Anneus nods.
Marcus was scheming some shit and I foiled his ns, yeah.
The court is insidious, Adrastus closes his eyes with a grimace on his face.
So, yeah. I fucked up with Laura, but saved Lucinda. If someone needs my help, Im there. If someone schemes, Ill kick them.
You did give Laura some lip yesterday, Anneus says while taking out a sk of liquor. His slightly impaired speech makes me a bit nervous sometimes, especially when he says stuff like that.
You already met Princess Laura? Adrastus now looks more interested.
Yeah.
Lucinda too! Marcellus adds.
So what, Marcy? You have a crash on that lunatic? Ill introduce her to you, if you want.
The guy goes silent and lowers his gaze.
She must not have been happy, Adrastus says in a measured tone.
Yeah, Lucinda told her we fooled around a little after the duels and that got her going.
Archmage Alonna intervened, Anneus says. She has a crush on Joey.
Jesus, dont say that. Please. Dont even joke about that.
Arent you going to meet her again? he shoots back.
Yeah, duh. She wants to teach me some martial arts paired with magic.
Martial Magic, the elective avable only to her most loyal disciples, Adrastus makes a face. You do have great connections, Joey Luciani.
Thank you, brother, I smile.
Lucinda and Laura, Adrastus repeats to himself, making another face.
And two others. Cassandre from the Baguetterie. And a certain Penelope, Anneus adds.
With all these girls around, its a miracle you actually study, Adrastusughs.
Nah, that Cassandre is shady. And Penelope I just met her. Shes hot, but shes also Brshe has a weird ent. Anyway, the only girl for me is Princess Bianca. Thats it.
She didnte with you today?
Nah, shes taking her royal nap.
Shes very moody, Marcellus says.
A bi
Dont say that, Anneus! Jesus! Dont you dare!
Anyway, what about Amelia? Marcellus says after half an hour of random bbering.
I dont know, Anneus replies.
Joey, if I may. You have certain connections, right? Why dont you create some job offer around her? Not directly to her, as that may offend her. But if she was a [Caretaker] and shes a good enough [Tailor], Im sure she could do that.
Shes already falling behind on her studies, Anneus shakes his head. She has mold in her brain. You want to give her a full-time job? Sure, go ahead. Why dont you fail her directly for the midterm.
Not everyone is meant to be a [Mage], Anneus, Adrastus shoots back, if she cant do it, she cant do it. We cant just force knowledge onto her, can we?
Maybe we could find a way to employ someone to give herndlord a rough handling?
We all look at Marcellus with wide eyes.
Isnt that the problem? he replies shyly.
I mean, its extortion, I say, but why not. We could pay thendlord a visit, tell him to tell Amelia she won a schrship for something something.
We could always send a letter to her children, Adrastus adds. She says they are quite well off. The academy is not cheap, but Im sure they could put together a bit of spare change for their mother.
Yeah, not. Lets not do that, I say with a sigh. That wont work. Lets try something else.
Have you tried asking her if she wants a loan? Adrastus asks, clearly tired of the back and forth.
She would never take it, Anneus says.
Why?
Too proud, I exin.
So what? If shes about to starve or be evicted, better to swallow your pride, no? And where are his sons anyway? Why do they leave their mother like this? For all t ears, its their mother, Joey. Whatever happened between them, they might want to help her, no?
I scratch my head and straight ignore Adrastus.
Whatever. I need a nap. Im going home. Ill think of something.
Chapter 255: Visits
Chapter 255: Visits
Many problems are actually easier to solve than you might think; however, just as many are actually much harder than you would ever imagine. This is a bit of a tautology, something that doesnt really describe the world outside of an obvious statement. But arent obvious statements the more profound, the longer you stare at them? Dont monks stare at walls or meditate for the whole day? Well, once you say enough obvious or stupid things, you might transcend reality; who knows? Some people made a career out of it. Mostly politicians,wyers, and dentists.
As a rule of thumb, I dont respect many principals and whatnot. Most schools have these puppets that arent even remotely capable of critical thinkingand we are even surprised when kids barely learn to think for themselves in school. But yeah, we are talking about people I learned to loathe. See, the main problem is the insane amount of power that any teacher or principal holds over the students. Back on Earth, in 2021, parents could barely smack their children across the head without the CIA suddenly popping out of their toilets. Two generations before, moms used to put alcohol in their childrens milk to make them fall asleep, or sometimes even worse. Hell, you could have called the DEA, not just the CIA. Maybe both. Who knows. Who am I to say, really.
Anyway, a teacher, or a principal, can literally hold your life hostage. We tell kids that half of their entire life, if not more, is about school. School. School. School. You know how I told my study group that theres much, much more than what school teaches you, right? I mean, its fairly intuitive. If everyone goes to school, but not everyone that goes to school bes sessful, maybe it''s because of school, but despite school.
Like, imagine telling someone that one bad grade is who they are. And, again, school or not, people are ignorant and stupid all the same, arent they? Arguably, I found more interesting people in family-owned businesses than business school chicks. I mean, taking cold showers at 5 AM outside and spending four hours a day in the gym taking selfies, doesnt get you much wisdom out of thetter categorybusiness chicks, I mean. And, to avoid being sexist, this applies to male chicks as well. Roosters? Nah, male chicks sounds better. Honestly, male chicks are even worse than their female counterparts because they have all the same problems but do not have boobs. And really, what is life without boobs?
Do you know how I know that women lie about size not being important? Because men say the same thing, just about a different body part. Its biology, people. What can I tell you? Men are not happy about small boobs. They are not even good; they are just fine with it. Not good, again. Fine. Ask a man with a small-boobed girlfriend, and they will obviously tell you that small is good. Some people and to be clear, they are all lying even say that smaller boobs are better. Then they shift the conversation to the ass because ass takes hard work or some nonsensical stuff like that. First of all, boobs are hard work. Gods hard work. Arguably, Gods masterpiece. Which God? I dont know. Whatever God is out there, he did a wonderful job with those happiness dispensers.
What was I thinking about?
The school system, right. It sucks. Yeah.
Good morning, Joey, Ariostus says as I enter his office. He does have an [Assistant], or maybe a [Secretary] or something, but I have this special privilege because
I have been experimenting with the concept of shifting and ever-changing matrixes; its just wonderful! Look! he starts summoning some globes of fire above his desk. They have slightly different shapes. I have been testing it! I maximized the volume upied by the matrix, made it thinner, and kept the strains of magic as distant as possible in this iteration of [Fireball]! And look! Amazing! Once you maximize the distance, the small changes in the matrix actually be important in the casting! This proves that, as you said, [Mana Sense] and its evolutions are actually a fundamental part of magic! This is insane!
The guy is one of the most enthusiastic researchers in this world. I dont even know how they made him [Dean] when all the [Archmages] look like snakes.
I do wonder how you made it as a [Dean] among all the snakes in this ce, I voice my thoughts.
What? Oh, politics? My contribution to magical research is greater than the [Archmages]. I just never became one because Im less interested in my power than knowing more about magic. Technically, I would argue Im better than Titus, magic-knowledge-wise. I just never bothered to conquer a tower or go into a conflict. But trust me, they are not interested in going against me because they wouldnt be able to manage the academy without me. Also, they are not sure they would have the upper hand in a duel. As it happens, I rarely duel.
I would almost say you are the strong, silent type, but you are a very chatty person, I tell the guy.
You could say so, he smiles, waving a hand and snuffing out the [Fireballs].
What can I do for you? he asks.
I have to say; this man is really something. In a world full of sharks and idiots, this guy is only interested in pursuing magic. Also, as he has already proven, when he can, he will help people. Hes not going out of his way to be a Good Samaritan, but hes also not turning the other way. I mean, he could have done so with me, but he didnt. Sure, I gave him some good knowledge, but for once, I can easily say that this man is mostly interested in magic. The few politics-rted games he had to y havent rotten his soul.
I wanted your advice on something, I say with a yawn. When I told the others I was going for a nap, I was serious. It just came to me halfway home that I should probably consult Ariostus on the matter.
Not magic, I believe, he sighs with a smile. Neither on how to conduct a lesson. You left quite an impression on most students. Some are alreadyining about you. But the best ones are practicing non-stop. Titus even came to discuss what you theorized with that simple grabbing exercise and how to make it harder for people who already have excellent control. I believe he was this close to actually asking you about it.
If the guy wants to talk magic, he knows where to find me, I shrug, but no. Its not about magic. Its about one of my fellow students. Amelia
Miss Agraria. Amelia Agraria. Took the entry test and failed several times before passing. Professors have marked her as someone who will most likely fail her midterms and get expelled. What about her? I see a sh of sadness on Ariostuss face.
You know, dont you? I ask. Robin gave you a copy of every report or something, right?
That he did.
So you know. Ok. Herndlord wants to kick her out because she didnt pay rent. Shes going to bunk up with Alba, the Ahali girl.
An Ahali would probably get very offended by the fact that you called her that, Ariostus notes, being a bastard among the Ahalis is not a thing to take lightly, Joey.
Meh, whatever. They can suck me. I already have this, I point to the huge hat on my head. Lord Julers heritage on my goddamn head, right? I think the most stupid among the Ahalis will have a bone to pick anyway, whatever I do. So, whats there to worry about? Anyway, Amelia. Shes struggling financially
And you are so rich you want to help, Ariostus finishes my sentence again.
Thats the gist of it, yeah.
Throwing money at problems has never solved much. Instead, it usually acts as excellent bait for trouble.
I think I might have heard something simr before, now that I think about it. If you only give money to homeless people, it doesnt do much. Was it those freaks in San Francisco that did something like that? Could be.
Shes in denial, I exin. She doesnt talk about what happened to her family. I mean, you could say shes lying in a way. But I just think shes a bitI dont know. Im not really armed to deal with what shes going through, honestly.
Ariostus listens to my exnations and asks me to rify. After hearing the details, he exhales.
Fuck, he swears.
Thats not promising.
Promising? Joey, you are smart, right? If this were a wound, what she does is the equivalent of picking at it. It festers more and more. Grief people go mad with it. [Archmages] naturally have longer lifespans than others. Did you know that there were more [Archmages] killed by something rted to grief than anything else? The figure of the solitaire and lonely [Mage], as portrayed by the average person, is there for a reason. What happens when you attain incredible power, but you are misguided by a weak mind?
You mess up. You mess up big time.
You do. You mess up, as you say. And when you do, its the others who suffer the consequences. People with incredible power have to look after their minds very carefully. Only a few do take care of it, sadly. And you ask me what to do with a woman whose mind is
He makes a pregnant pause and looks over his desk.
There, he fishes for a sheet of paper and hands it out to me.
Whats this?
Take a look, he says with a wink.
Chapter 256: Liogi
Chapter 256: Liogi
Ok, whats this, again? Its getting a bit boring, I tell Ariostus after staring for three minutes into some kind of registration document.
Cant you see? Ariostus takes back the document and looks at it himself with a frown. Its right here, cant you see?
See what, Jesus?! I can barely read that thing! What the hell am I even looking at?!
Its the form that certificates we have an employee who takes care of these situations!
And why didnt you say so?!
Why are we screaming?!
I dont know!
So, as it turns out, the academy basically has a counselor. Sure, theres no such thing as a [Counselor] ssthat I know of, at least. But theres someone in charge of the people with some problems. Ariostuss office is in the main building of the Nine Towers Academy building, the one staying in the center, in the middle of all the towers, connected with them with the famed Light Bridges. Hes, as you would imagine, in the upper floors, almost close to the top of the huge cathedral-like building. The counselor, or whatever Ariostus said hes called, is in the lowermost floors.
As Im running down the stairs, a few students who are on site even off school, stare at me. What? Havent you ever seen a reputable professor running down the stairs? What? Are you telling me you dont run when you have to climb or go down some stairs? Listen, I know there are many different breeds of degenerates in this world, but if you see stairs, you run. I dont know why. Its like a primal instinct. The day you are walking normally on the stairs, you have given up on life, on being a Human; you basically have renounced to anything that is sacred to life.
Coming to a nondescript door, almost hidden, without any tag, I just knock.
Hello! The door suddenly opens up with a swing.
Jesus Christ! I clutch my chest and jump back.
Hello, there! Im
Are you nuts?! Whats your problem?!
Hello! Hello! Please,e into my office!
As I can finally take a good look at the man, I realize hes no Elf. Also, no Human. He has two flulike red animal ears on his head and hes stocky. He had a mix of fur and skin all over his body, with a reddish-turning-to-gray fur and wrinkles on the skin parts of his features.
Im Liogi, wee! Wee! Do you need assistance with some problem?
I inhale deeply and take a moment to consider what to do. Im not sure this guy is going to help as much as create more problems. See, I personally think that this situation is better if handled discreetly, without intruding too much into Amelias life. On the other hand, who knows, this guy might actually know his stuff even though he sounds a bit nuts. Whatever.
Hi, Liogi, I smile at the middle-aged Foxman, how you doin?
Oh, Im doing fantastic! You are Joey Luciani, arent you! The new first years [Professor] and [Student]! Aha! Amazing, amazing! If you only knew how few peoplee to see me! Also, you wouldnt imagine how many dont even know that I exist! Haha!
Theugh at the end sounds like someone is ready to off himself, doesnt it?
But please, please, enter! he ushers me in a small and cramped office, almost in the dark.
I cast a series of enchanted [Lights] on the ceiling, capable ofsting for a few hours at the very least.
Oh, thats just lovely. Beautiful. Beautiful. But tell me, Joey, howe you are here? I imagine your life must be full of stress. Would you like to chat about that?
I look at Liogi, the pudgy Foxman, and I try to get a read on the man. As soon as he switched to talking about my problems, his voice has taken on a deceptively calm tone, still yful, but in a soothing manner. His eyes have sharpened and he seemspletely in his element.
Even though its just for a second, my eyes wander to the wall to my right, where a portrait is hanging. Its Liogi with two small children, presumably his daughters, ying. He has the same yful expression he weed me with, but also a paternal love thats quite hard toe by.
Its not for me, I exin. I have a friend, a student-friend, with a problem. She is well. Take a look yourself.
I take out the report on Amelia from my bag of holding and hand it over to him. In silence, Liogi takes the report and starts reading. When he reaches the subject of concern, his foxy ears move slightly and the creases in his face deepen.
Did Ariostus send you to me? Liogi asks after hes finished reading.
He did, I nod and take back the report hes handing over.
He remembers of my existence only when something like this happens. I told him that this academy would flourish if we took care of its students. But thats a discussion for another time. Your friend, Amelia, is stuck.
Liogi opens a drawer and takes out bowl full of nuts, he offers me some and I politely refuse. As he starts chomping, his gaze wanders all over the room.
We think that everyone is different and special, that everyone lives through tragic events in their own way. On a level, that is correct. On another level, however, itspletely wrong. As my ss and research allowed me to understand it better, a loss creates simr symptoms in every person. The main difference is how long those symptomsst. Its a cycle, really. How long each phasests is what makes us different. Amelia? Im afraid she is still at the beginning. Shes refusing reality. In a way, its different from what happens normally. See
Liogi gets up and starts pacing around the room, moving his furry hands frically.
See, if your parents die, you might be in this dazed state, not actually crying, grieving, or anything. You are just stunned. You cannot react. But, Joey Luciani, he says while gazing deeply into my eyes, we move on. We get angry, sad, and a full range of emotions that differ from Elf to Elf, Foxman to Foxman, Human to Human. Your friend built a fantasy to avoid facing her loss. I knew people who tried to help someone like that, but it didnt work.
What do you mean it didnt work? What did they try?
It was a father and daughter case. The father went mad. HeIll just spare you the details. Suffice to know that they forced him to recognize reality and he simply killed himself as soon as they left him alone.
So, what can we do?
Liogi smiles at me with sad eyes.
Nothing. I am not the greatest expert of the mind, but I can assure you that nothing can be done forcefully at this point. She either makes it or she doesnt. And she will get through that on her own. If she can ovee the fantasy and face reality she will be okay. If she cant, it will make it impossible to live among othersthe report mentioned she got fired as a [Caretaker]. Its nothing short of a miracle that she got in the Nine Towers Academy.
Cant I help her somehow?
Liogi scrunches his face in a frown and starts walking funnily toward a couple of cupboards in his office, opening and closing them, looking for something. He takes out more nuts and refills his little bowl.
You? he slowly chews the nuts, wrinkling his foxy nose from time to time while I wait for a further exnation.
Your best bet is staying close to her. Help her how you can without intruding in her process of grief. Let her be. Something will naturally emerge from being among loved ones. She might never ovee the exnation she gave to her reality. She might simply live like this from now on. But as long as her life is meaningful, full of loved ones, and people who care about her? Let her be delusional. The more you intrude, the bigger the damage. This is not the kind of situation you can just confront.
So, I just do nothing?
Not nothing. Help her study. Help her find a job if she needs one. But dont tip her off too much. If possible, dont share the details of her condition. If you have a group of friends, they should make an effort to be nice, but not a fake effort. Just be kind to each other. The narrative she made up might be superseded by great life experiences. Passing the midterms, for one. I bet you she does not expect to pass them, at all. Shes probably just enjoying her time here until itsts.
I drum my fingers on the armrest of the chair while thinking about Liogis words. It does make sense, sadly. The fact that I cant do much, though it stinks. It really stinks.
Well, Liogi, I say while getting up, this was useful. You know your stuff. I have to go now, gotta take a nap that I have been postponing.
I go to shake his furry hand when, mid-shake, he slightly pulls me toward himself.
Joey, whenever you want to talk about you, do not hesitate, he says with a wink, before releasing me and going back to his bowl of nuts.
Chapter 257:
Chapter 257:
Theres a charm in chaos that is difficult to exin. Have you ever considered how much we are attracted to things that are unhealthy for us? Certain foods, rtionships, friendships, jobs, people. I dont know. Sometimes I wonder if some screws in my head are simply missing, and some parts are not doing their job correctly. I mean, its a possibility, isnt it? It would be quite preposterous to think that every single one of our instincts is right, no?
Sure, its one thing to think about something like this and one thing to act on it. Shallow wisdom is the kind when people who like to judge and wave their fingers in front of others noses act like idiots five minutester. Me? I think Im coherent. Im not waving fingers unless its food rted.
Why am I thinking about this? Well, Liogi made me think. His proposal makes sense. Talking, that is. Why not? Im not sure that looking at my thoughts alone would be for the best. A second pair of eyes would do me good, wouldnt it?
As I sip a mix of coffee and stamina potion, I look at the building I walked up to. It makes me a bit angry, to be honest. What makes me angry? Not the fact that Im in front of the Baguetterie. Not that. It makes me angry that Im honest, and people take issue with that. Look, no one is perfect, right? But why do people always act like they are? [Archmages], other [Professors]
Do I act like that? Its a question I always ask myself. Do I actually behave holier-than-thou as some other people do? See, I dont think thats the case. I dont think I say Im better than others, nor do I judge othersnot judging as much as others do. Some judging is inevitable, of course.
After knowing Liogi and Ariostus, I wonder why more people arent like them. Sure, they are not perfect. But at least they are not outright pieces of crap. They are people I could have a real conversation with, not some idiotic puppets who try to puppeteer others as well.
Think about it for a second. Marcus, the mighty [Archmage] who was not even a nail of Lord Juler, tried to control people, have them do his bidding. A big bad dragon in lowercase because fuck dragons who needs to create trouble for me. I even proposed to exchange knowledge with that piece of crap.
For a second, I feel like murder.
Its a random burst of rage, as I remember what happened not even a few months ago. The people cheering for my defeat, the ones booing me after I heroed my way through impossible deathmatches.
It may sound silly, but it would be damn nice if people considered what I went through for once. At the same time, I dont want people to pity me. Is it that difficult? Probably. I just dont feel like having to act like Im all depressed to get some kindness. But maybe this is the syndrome of the kid who wants too much; you know how you take some children to the rides, and they will still cry because they cant go on that one specific ride? I dont know. Ariostus and Liogi were super nice. The others are nice as well. Not perfect, but nice enough. Thats a starting point, and its good enough for me.
I just feel this anger, this random burning sensation that res up from time to time. I wish Lord Juler were still with me, honestly. I dont know how much of my breakdown is because I dont have him with me anymore. I feel a tear in the corner of my eye, but I catch it with my fingertip.
Its hard admitting some stuff. That was a bad period in my life, something that I would really like to avoid repeating. Bad shit, honestly. And the truth is that I miss Lord Julers advice. The guy is nuts, but he knows how to get around, how to guide. Am I looking for a father figure?
I smack my lips.
You know what, Ill leave the psychologizing to Liogi.
I enter the almost deserted ce.
I look at the counter, and I find a half-giant with a white baking uniform instead of Cassandre.
Yo, wassup, I smile at the guy who just stares at me.
What will you order, sir?
No orders, thanks. Is Cassandre here? She came to see me yesterday, but
If you dont have any orders to ce, you should leave, the guy replies.
Uh?
I click my tongue and shrug.
Sure, put me down for a baguette with sausage, peppers, and some of that nice lide paste you have. Also, dont overcook the sausage, pal. You tend to dry up the meat juices.
The guy stares at me as if I am a mold stain on the wall.
Anything to drink?
No, thanks, I raise my thermos of coffee. Im covered.
As I pay and he goes to the back, I feel a bit guilty about the sausage remark. I mean, its true. These people have an insane business because students dont know any better, but they also haverge margins for improvement.
As I sit, I hear some noises from the kitchen, including a feminine voice, and I see a Mediterranean beautye out from behind the counter and walk toward me.
Hi, Joey, she smiles, dont mind Cordius; hes just tired.
Honestly, I dont even remember when I told her my name. Wait. Was it whenno, I dont remember. No, wait. Maybe I did when I revealed myself. Yeah, that would make sense. Did she actually call out my name yesterday?
Wassup, Cassie, I smile widely and give her one of my custom winks. I hope everything is good around here. You look terrific, by the way.
I just woke up, and Im not wearing any make-up, she shakes her head.
So what? Natural beauties dont need no make-up.
Charming as any other Italian guy, she sighs and rolls her eyes.
I do wonder what she wants from me. Has she sumbed to my charm? Not that I me her, ok? But at the same time, she gives me sketchy vibes. Im not sure I want to get mixed up with whatever business she means. Sure, shes really hot, in a very dark and tormented way, but you know
So, take a seat, please, I say. What did you want to tell me yesterday? Want to confess your love for me? Ask me on a date? Tell me what kind of dowry your father got for me? Im all ears.
She gives me a deadpan look as she sits at my table, sniffing the air for a second and eyeing the thermos in my hand.
Is that coffee? her eyes go wide.
Ya bet, I wink again, you want some? This one is spiked with some stamina potion, which actually alchemicallyplements caffeine and whatever else is in coffee. Word of [Alchemist], not mine.
Sure.
So, what did youe to me for? I ask while pouring hot coffee into a cup.
Its embarrassing.
Oh, dont worry, you are not the first to have a crush on me. Its a prettymon phenomenon, really.
Id like to take some baking lessons, she says with an unmoving gaze.
Baking lessons?
Baking lessons.
So, wait a second. She came to see me after work just to
I mean, we are both from Earth; arent we going to discuss that? I dont knopare experiences or something?
You can talk during the lessons.
I look at the ck-haired woman in front of me and sniff.
Meh, I sigh.
Is that a yes?
Its a meh, which is not a yes, but a meh.
You know what? Ill think about it, I say while I rx back into the chair, closing my eyes while I wait for my baguette. I yawn loudly and wonder if I can conjure an immaterial pillow to sustain my head in a sitting position. Could I create a [Light] object solid enough to be a moving recliner? Huh. Thats something to explore.
As I chew on the baguette, I notice that the dough is a bit chewy. It did not rise properly, making the overall density too high to have the proper crunchiness. The toppings wet the dough enough to overlook this, but its not an excuse. I never specialized in burgers or sandwiches. But I wonder if a simple sd leaf could prevent the toppings from messing up the bread.
The sausage is nice, at least, I say as the juices touch my tongue.
Are you ok? Cordius asks me while I sit in the back alone, trying to meditate.
Yes.
I nod, trying to smile but barely making it halfway through. Its hard putting a mask on when Im with Cordius. With the others, I have no problem. But what happened eight years ago is still haunting me. It radically changed me. It made me another person.
But most of all.
It broke me.
I look at one of the several red skills that are guing me.
[Major Depression]
In my head, one word is painted over and over. Theres no escaping the monster because the monster is me. I need to control this, but its hard to do so because theres no escape.
Its a ck void.
Chapter 258
Chapter 258
There seems to be a fair amount of hate in the world. It doesnt matter which world Earth, Epretos, and the other continents. You know, so far, the only thing I have heard being properly praised is the madness of the Vanedenis. Think about that for a second, huh? The only thing you can find with any remotely positive connotation when talking about foreigners is how the Vanedenis were very good at killing people. The funny thing is that most Elves hate the Vanedenis for this or that reason, but those in the know still somehow respect what they aplished. Im not about to go full Hippie on you, but cant we find something else? Like, whats the best ce to get food around this stupid? Is there anything worthy of being mentioned? No?
But then, when you think about it, you realize something. This world doesnt have airnes. This world does not have multiculturalism. Carilia, a big-ass continent on the other side of the world, is the leader in that. And even over there, mostmunities are gated and prefer to stay on their own. Races that mix with each other or that tolerate each other extensively are an exception, not a rule.
So, when someone called me a worm because I randomly bumped into them on the road, I wonder how you go about solving that. It is interesting because I never really had a racial problem in my life. Never been to Africa or Asia, so I have mostly been the white person among white people. Now, when they look at your ears and certain facial features, you get called names.
Worm.
Most people dont like reporting that term on paper because its charged. How very American of them. But see, I dont care about the guy who called me that because that person will most likely change. On Earth, Im of the opinion that the only way to get racism out of people is to let them die. The world inevitably bes more and more progressive until we dont really care about color or stuff like that anymore. We can simply keep killing each other over natural resources and intercontinental disputes; how it should be after we have eliminated the silly racism.
Anyway, that was just a random thought. I wonder how it works here. No globalization, no broad knowledge of the other parts of the world... When someone dies on Earth, their children will live in a wildly different world to what their parents were used to. My parents came to the US rtivelytepared to the big waves post-WWI and WWII. And beforeing to the US, they had never really interacted with a ck person and barely any Asians. Were they racist? Probably. Less outspoken about itpared to many others, though. But still, they are gone, and the new generations have grown up among many other races.
Joey! I look at Marcellusing toward me as Im getting into my house after shopping a bit at the market.
Yo, wassup, I nod.
The others have arrived, he says with a hard stare.
So what? I was out buying ingredients to make us lunch. The pantry doesnt magically restock itself, especially considering the people who visit this house are essentially starved marauders.
Whatever; you said we should all get together to study! We have the Primitive Enchantments paper for the History of Magic ss!
Yay, I deadpan, sighing to myself. Yesterday, Liogi suggested I should help Amelia by staying close to her. I guess that showing more regard for studying would be a good first step towards not having her fail.
Anyway, is the old man here yet?
What old man?
I frown and enter the house, looking at the clock on the wall.
Hey, Joey! Alba and Amelia wave at me.
I nod at them and look at a half-asleep Anneus on the other couch, with his shirt full of crumbs from the cheesecake I madest night. Meh, what a group. Amelia and Alba are chatting spiritedly about something when I take a better look at the clock and realize my invited guest is actually a bitte.
Thatzy bum ist--
Joey Luciani, I hear a deep voice from behind me, my time used to be worth beyond simple gold. Disciples woulde from all over Kome to listen to me. And we still have matters to discuss, you and me. You have been abusing your free time.
Oh, shoot.
Does he know--
I know that you have been postponing the work from the book. But let us talk about that in private. I promised you an hour of my time and an hour of my time I shall gift to your friends.
Everyone looks at the old man who appeared out of nowhere. Lord Julers soul currently resides inside a special construct, and he cant really do magic. I mean, now he can do some stuff thanks to Vrith, but the entity of it is pretty small. I can probably do as much magic as him, quantity-wise. Quality-wise, instead... well.
Who is-- I see Marcellusing back from the entrance, and Lord Juler immediately cuts him off.
Silence, child, Lord Juler ps his hands in what he once described to me as a [Thunderp], one of the most annoying skills a [Mage] can learn.
Anneus falls from the couch as the soundwave hits him, and is awakened with a shot of pure adrenaline. Well, thats Lord Juler for you, the old bag.
I will not tolerate any waste of my precious time. Joey Luciani asked me to instruct you all on primitive Enchantments, and I shall do so. One-third of the time I will dedicate to exining; thest two-thirds Ill gather your questions, answer them, and ensure your understanding has matured.
I put my pinkie in my ear and pull it out.
No blood.
Well, thats good.
Lord Juler, I think they all got the message. You dont need to power up your voice for this, right, guys?
Oh, yeah, yeah, Marcellus immediately nods.
Alba is looking at the man with fear and astonishment but still manages to squeeze out a nod. Same for Amelia, but with pure curiosity in ce of fear. She doesnt really understand the bad blood between the Ahalis and the Vanedenis, I think. Not that Lord Juler would take issue with one bastard Ahali, would he? Well, I should have thought about that.
Anneus is still waking up but pulls himself onto the bed with his shaky legs and opens his mouth several times before closing it again. Hes probably tempted by a snide remark, but he can feel his [Dangersense] going off at the sole thought of interrupting Lord Juler.
All is well, Joey Luciani, Lord Juler sighs and sweeps his eyes around the ce, settling on standing in front of the two couches.
Should have called the others as well, damn.
Well, whatever.
Primitive enchantments, as your texts suggest, are simply the first version of enchantments. Unlike many seem to think, we dont know how many shapes magic can take. To this day, we might be ignoring and forgetting some important steps while learning how to deal with Mana. The example that should leave all of you ashamed is theck of [Mana Sense] or, as in Joey Lucianis case, [Advanced Mana Sense]. And if he had trained properly, instead of wasting his time in idle sloth, he would have probably reached a superior version of the skill already. Not a colored one, necessarily, but one strong enough to have weight in it.
Did this turn out to be a dissing session?
s, Sziezayss original head oh, you children dont know who Sziezays is, I fear. Sziezays, before I took his life, was the greatest spellcaster of his era after me.
Is the old bag smirking? Still roasting the Hydra after half a millennium?
He developed a bodily skill for his eyes--eye, I should say. Pay attention to my words because they havent been pronounced in a long time. Sziezays had a skill called [Eyes: The Eye of Sziezays]. It was what we call a Unique skill. You might never see one in your ss, least have one named after you. But he developed a technique so strong and altered his body to such a level that the all-epassing reality helped him achieve the impossible. His left eye was able to pierce even the soul-shroud that makes it impossible to [Dispel]--wait. Do you know what a soul-shroud is?
This is going to be a long lesson.
...
After several back and forths, wrestling with the dissonance between the knowledge of my study group and his, Lord Juler finally got to exining what primitive Enchantments were.
Some call the Enchantment Cantamen, and its sadly a habit still alive among my people as well. Thates from the belief that the Canti gave origin to magic and, therefore, to enchantments. Its wrong. One of the first Canti, if mythology is to be believed, might have created the first Enchantments, however. My schrly disposition pushes me to believe it is a very real possibility.
Here we go; lost again.
Chapter 259
Chapter 259
Common knowledge it is not, Lord Juler says, almost tripping on his own words, but magic and enchantments are what those who refuse sses live on. Magic is the most tangible path one can take outside sses and levels. We mentioned the supposed origin of Enchantments, or Cantamen, as you might know them, as a gift from a Cantus. But the Canti have little to do with the dissemination of those. In fact, one could argue that the cults that many now see as little more than madness nestings are the real [Enchanters]. The greatest techniques discovered during the primitive enchantment erae from them.
Alba raises a hand, curiosity trumping her fear of the old man.
Yes, child?
Is there a book we can use as a reference for this? Im afraid that if we were to write this down in our assignment, our [Professor] could disqualify the information as little more than a rumor.
Lord Juler raises an eyebrow at that and smacks his lips.
Thats probably one of the angriest gestures I have seen the old man partake in. His knowledge being questioned by an inferior institution, as he would put it, is probably something beyond his great tolerance.
Joey Luciani, stop giggling like a toddler, he says. Ill retrieve an urate historical rendition of the book and contribute its content to your pitiful academy. Id rather avoid having to level it to the ground because some half-wit [Professor] called me a liar.
Everyone smiles at that remark, probably taking it as no more than jesting. On the contrary, knowing Lord Juler and his crazy people, Im actually quite happy that Alba asked the question and unknowingly avoided an international ident.
I have to admit I should be more careful around the Vanedenis. You can mess with other species, races, people; whatever, really. But the Vanedenis? Oh, they dont y around.
ssless people have always been more receptive to the importance of perceiving Mana. Unlike us, they cant simply get their hands on a skill to replicate a matrix out of the blue. It took literal centuries before the knowledge of tier 2 spells could be attested among them. And thats marvelous, isnt it? Imagine these people going on with their lives and building their knowledge little by little instead of pursuing shortcuts...
Lord Juler takes a deep breath.
There are obscure and dark theories arguing that magic and skills should never cross, that the epitome of magic cannot be reached through levels. Is it true? Its a fascinating theory, for sure; its also what guides many of those who never epted a ss. But, as with all fascinating theories, the truth is hidden deeper than many will ever dig. There might be certain advantages to that approach, but there might be as many drawbacks. Building on the shared knowledge we have--lets go back to the topic.
By now, its probably been almost an hour since he started talking. Sure, it didnt feel like an hour because Lord Juler is a [Supreme Archmagus] at the end of the day, meaning that he could entertain students of magic for weeks without boring them.
The main doctrine we share among [Mages] is to look at the world of magic with our eyes. Now, for thosemunities that did not ept sses, that was simply impossible. They couldnt just alter their eyes to perceive Mana and much less create a spell to do so. A spell replicating [Mana Sense] is, at the very least, a tier 4 spell. Depending on how fine the details are, bordering on [Advanced Mana Sense] level, we are talking about tier 5. I dont believe in tiers of magic as much as others do since theres great variability in spells but take that as a rtive measure to establish theplexity of such a spell. And since they could barely use tier 1 spells, how were they able to create Enchantments? Isnt that a fascinating question?
Lord Juler moves his wiry hands in the air, slowly drawing out a simple spell matrix with [Light]. Funnily enough, its a [Light] spell matrix made from a [Light] spell.
They had no idea that a [Light] spell had this form and that it could be so simple. It was one of the first spells they discovered, nheless. They yearned for something that resembled fire, that could shine light upon the darkest moonless nights. And they looked for what [Light] felt to them. What does a cooked meal taste likepared to a raw one? What did the sun feel like on their skin? What did they smell when water dried out in the open air?
Lord Juler sighed.
As you might have noticed, many of these questions were incorrect, children. But they looked and looked, trying to understand with their other senses how they should shape Mana. After a long time, they finally found it. It was a specific sensation that epassed all their senses. It took a long time, and they had to observe a lot of the world, but--
Lord Juler makes a poignant pause with a sly smile on his face.
Their [Lights] shined brighter than any other [Mage]s. They could only cast one spell, sure, but all those who learned how to do that originally managed to create perfect spells. That is, if you want to mention it, at the base of the critiques of our current magic system. I dont know whether anyone is still working on that theory, but some believe that empathetic magic is much more than simply dealing with spell matrixes. Some reclusive [Schrs] in my family postted that basing spellcasting on sight alone was the equivalent of sculpting a block of marble by making a y copy.
Everyone looks confused at that.
Yes, they spent too much time on their own, Lord Julerughs.
But back to the primitive enchantments, he says with a smile, clearly enjoying himself, their backbone is connected to the empathetic feeling developed by these groups. It might sound counterintuitive in this era, but they did not have any trouble developing Enchantments. It was the natural development of their magic; binding the same feelings that spells gave out to objects came as second nature to them. Now, its necessary to mention that some of these groups were affiliated with the first Cantus, Mer. Supposedly, she was ssless. And--
Lord Juler makes a slight pause, looking at each face, and shaking his head.
It doesnt matter. Lets stay on topic.
I frown. Theres something wrong with the old man, I think. Hes usually so very eager to exin stuff to people that its impossible to stop him. But now--I dont know. I might be imagining this.
The core of primitive Enchantments is their stark difference from the present ones. Nowadays, we imitate the spell matrixes by creating artificial Mana carvings inside the material, which are supposed to guide the Mana in the same shape as the spell matrix. Thats why most Enchantments are just very inferior versions of the original spell. Instead, the primitive Enchantments were as powerful - if not more powerful - than their modern counterparts.
Amelia raises a hand, clearly extremely curious.
Excuse me, if they are more powerful, why are they not still used?
Lord Julerughs to himself.
Because most of the original groups who developed those spells died in wars. Their knowledge has been passed down, but it suffered terrible setbacks. They can barely cast tier 1 spells. It might take them decades to research a new spell. There are certainly some Enchantments circting that hold the same capabilities, but their production is undoubtedly minimalpared to how easily we can create normal Enchantments.
Hypothetically speaking, Anneus intercepts the conversation, how strong would a Tier 4 or 5 spell be if cast through empathetic methods?
The greater the spell, the greater theplexity of the spell matrix. If you could pin down all the empathetic aspects of a [Meteor]? Its impossible to define, Lord Juler ponders while stroking his beard, however, its likely that it would skip one tier in strength. A tier 4 spell cast through empathetic means might be considered a tier 5 spell. Maybe even tier 6 we dont have any trusted sources on this topic, only myths and legends.
Anyway, Lord Juler waves his hand, you can now use any [Student] skill you have spared so far, and then well proceed to you asking questions to rify your knowledge. Does any one of you have [Always the Right Question]? It is a rare skill, but its not too hard to get. If no one has it, we might be able to have it appear before the lesson ends.
Man, sometimes I wish I got the [Student] ss like Domiti. I bet there are some neat memory skills packed in there. Now that I think about it, I never really asked her what kind of skills she got thanks to it, did I? Or maybe I did? Who knows.
Excuse me, Amelia raises her hand with a cringing face, it might just be me, but what is the [Student] ss?
Huh?
Lord Juler frowns and answers matter-of-factly: The ss that every student gets when they join the Nine Towers Academy?
I didnt get no ss, Anneus says.
Me neither, Marcellus adds.
Both girls say the same thing.
Joey Luciani, did you get the [Student] ss?
I shake my head.
Domiti has one after I made her sign the contract you gave me, but I never got one myself.
Are you children telling me that no one here, save for Joey Luciani, even heard of the ss?
Chapter 260: [Students]
Chapter 260: [Students]
The [Student] ss has several skills that are simply impossible to rece. Its a shortcut for those who need to speed up their learning without bing a [Researcher] or a [Schr]. From [Curious Mind] to [Learning Fortitude], you have a great range of options that facilitate your learning journey. Magic taxes the mind, but the [Student] ss allows it to go beyond those limits without the [Learning Fortitude] skill. On its own, it can provide a boost like no other at low levels.
Lord Juler speaks to us as if we were idiots for not picking up the ss on our own. But to be fair, there was no way we could have known. I mean, I could have. They couldnt. But Domiti does have the ss. So Its always bureaucracy, I click my tongue, always about that damn bureaucracy. Even in this world.
Excuse me, Alba raises her hand, but if we are already students at the academy, why dont we already have the ss?
Child, as I said, its because a formal registration is in order. They didnt go through all the formalities. It may be a problem rted to Elvenws as well. The Vanedenis have a rtively simple code ofws, making it possible to enter into simple contracts with other people. Joey Luciani, right here, has taken a disciple as per Vanedeniws.
Oh, that was a Vanedeni contract?
Recognized under Vanedeniw, Lord Juler corrects me. Every country has a different set ofws. As long as your contract is valid in one of them and recognized as a proper legal document, the ss is acquired. [Disciple] does not require any legally binding document, but its a much deeper connection that requires--well, lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Young Luciani, draft the contracts the same way you created the one for your young [Student]. We will exploit the fact that you have the [Professor] ss, albeit at an extremely low level.
Well, you dont have to give me sass for it, I frown, its not like I always wanted to be a [Professor]. And the fact that I didnt level up after that practice I gave to the idiots in our ss is a testament to the fact that this whole system is a hoax.
Laziness remainsziness, no matter the justification, Lord Juler says with a hint of disdain in his voice.
Laziness remainsziness, I parrot.
And then I get zapped.
Jesus.
The others look at my zapping with wide eyes, and, finally, they seem to recall that the person I summoned is actually quite dangerous. They know its a Vanedeni, but they dont really know who they are dealing with.
That was a warning, young man. I sigh.
Now, let us move on, Lord Juler continues.
As soon as I have the documents in my possession, I will take them to the Princess and have her endorse them with her royal seal so that no one can contest their validity down the line. That would mean your ss gets whisked away just like that, and you lose all the benefitsing with it.
So, you are like the [Supreme Archmagus] of the Vanedeni? Amelia asks.
Lord Juler nods. He looks at Amelia well, not really at her but right above her head since shes quite tiny and the old bag is taller than me and then he looks back at me with narrowed eyes while tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.
You should start with those contracts, Joey Luciani.
Yeah, yeah. [Supreme Archmagus] my ass, I mumble while sitting down at the dining table.
They dont know the old man is dead and this is just a soul, but whatever. Old or not, still a huge pain in the ass. Thats what he is.
The [Supreme Archmagus] pauses for a second as he gathers his thoughts before continuing with his exnation about how things work around here or how things work in general when ites to acquiring sses and skills in this world.
Of course, there are other ways of getting the [Student] ss without going through all these bureaucratic contracts that I have been talking about thus far. You can ask someone with the [Professor] or [Teacher] ss at a high level to take you in as their student. If they agree which is practically impossible sincenothing. The simplest way is signing some kind of a contract with them.
I start drafting out the same type of agreement I had with Domiti, careful not to err under Lord Julers despotic stare. It takes me almost an hour toplete everything, dot all the necessary is, and cross all the ts. Contracts such as this are actually quite long and carefully worded. In this case, they leave a lot of freedom to the recipient since I wont teach them the same stuff I tried teaching Domiti I still wonder if that girl is having a good time or if people keep harassing her because of me. I should really pay a visit to Julia in the near future. But I do need to figure out the teleport spell first.
So much stuff to take care of, I swear.
The grind never ends.
Lord Juler snatches thest page that I apparently had to hand-write and takes a long look at it. He nods to himself after a second and proceeds to distribute the contracts to the four idiots present.
Youll sign one copy each, and I will take them to the Princess. Document-keeping is a practice long-forgotten, it seems. They will be effective immediately. Therefore, your ss wille at the earliest convenience for your body.
So, we sign this thing, and then we get the [Student] ss? Anneus frowns, suspicious.
Thats correct, Lord Juler replies.
While Alba and Anneus are reading the thing very carefully, Marcellus and Amelia are already done signing, having barely nced at the contract. I mean, I drafted them up myself, and to be fair, they could have looked at it after I wrote the first one, but who cares. My right-hand hurts so much that Im tempted to take a sip from a potion. Im not sure if Lord Juler would like that, though. The Vanedenis are addicted to tolerating pain, oveing challenges, and so on.
I, myself, am addicted to rest. Thats what I likelying down and reading something nice. Thats it, really. Baking? Nah. Too much work. If the ss existed, I wouldnt mind bing a [Lazy Mage].
I look at Amelia, whos smiling at Alba while the mixed-blood Ahali carefully reads her copy. Theres a silly smile on the middle-aged womans face; its something you would expect from a child looking at their older brother ying a game, content with just watching. Or maybe an older brother watching the younger one y a silly game and forgetting about the world''s ugliness for a moment.
I pop out a cigar and whistle, waiting for my princess to run in my arms. As I pick up Princess Bianca and I take a mouthful of smoke, I wonder what life puts in front of us here. So many lives, so many pieces of a highlyplex puzzle. Amelia, Anneus, Marcellus, and Alba. On top of the other, more distant fourZahra, Sabina, Aurelia, and Adrastus. Well, more distant for now. Bad stuff has a way of bringing people together, pulling everyone inside a small hut to share a tiny bit of warmth in the dark night.
Are there strip clubs in the citadel?
I dont know why the question suddenly hits me. And then, another one.
Are there any strip clubs in the Elven society?
I look at my friends and wonder if they will turn into an army of freeloading [Students] or, God forbid, [Schrs] all at the same time; but its not my business, I guess. They will face a difficult exam, and I can only help so much, I think. Bringing in Lord Juler was a smart move, but theres no silver bullet here.
Joey Luciani, Lord Juler speaks.
Yeah, boss?
Youll need to talk with your [Dean] to get the status of [Professor] and [Student]. Exin to him why the ss has not been around. I thought you said the man is a great [Researcher]. He should have known about the ss, then. It cannot be hidden so deep in the books.
Meh, Ariostus is crazy about magic. Hes good with administration, but if I had to guess, he probably tried to minimize the workload his administration needs to carry out. Just a thought. Who knows what the guy is actually up to? Ill ask, anyway.
The [Supreme Archmagus] nods.
Now, our time is up. I need to speak with Joey Luciani.
Lord Juler clears out the room with a few words, with everyone excited about resting and getting their new ss. I imagine they cant wait to get some stuff to help them study and learn magic.
Chapter 261: Heart of a Vanedeni
Chapter 261: Heart of a Vanedeni
Memories are no more than a gray fog that follows unknown currents. They resurface with cryptic timing, bringing up things that should sometimes stay buried.
I look at Lord Juler talking my ears off about some matrix I modified for the [Sleep] spell, and he lectures me as if I was a child. He moves his wrinkled hands with short patience but also great detail and care for my own instruction. When he speaks, the gestures apany his words, while his multi-colored eyes are stuck to me.
It is funny if you think about it. At a certain point, I expected the [Druid] fellow to be a sort of a father figure; in a way, it would have made sense. King Tiberius has taken care of great matters and has seen his heir die due to treachery. What else could have left a hole in his heart and the need to nurture someone else, perhaps? Yeah, its a bit weird using the word nurture. Just bear with me for a second, alright? King Tiberius could have been there for me, but he chose not to. He chose to stay away from most matters and instead kept to his little faade until it all came crashing down, and he spiraled back into his old habits.
See, my family was weird. I loved them as one loves their parents. The sense of family they gave me came from Italy, where family is the only thing you can trust. My mother loved me to death, quite literally. She would have done anything for me, and maybe she spoiled me a little too much. I was able to skip many confrontations with the real world, thanks to her. And she would have defended me on any asion, in front, and against anyone. My father, on the other hand, was different. He was... hard. He was a hard man who had to work his ass off to make it in the country he moved to.
First-generation Italian immigrants are not as publicized as one might imagine. You might have seen mobsters, the wise guys, both on the big and small screen; however, the daily life of a first-generation Italian family has been somehow protected from public scrutiny. Asian families have some shows and books, and Asian parents treat their kids as an extension of their own bodies. They sacrifice everything to give their children the best life possible, being strict in every aspect that concerns the broad definition of sess.
Are Italian parents like that? I dont think so. They are obviously concerned with your sess, as any parent is, but no more than average. And maybe less so. To understand what Italian parenting culture is, you have to look at Rome. The Eternal City was built onyers uponyers of civilizations. Every age built on top of the precedent, creating a unique, hidden foundation for the next. And even the deepestyer bled its customs to the one above it, unknowingly, most of the time. The origins of traditions were forgotten, but the customs were still followed and respected for no other reason than that they should. Blends of several civilizations came together under different influences, creating a rich tapestry of cultural norms that both benefited and gued Italians. Some norms were forged anew, fused together with old ones across decades. And all this left the people with little to no knowledge of why they were still doing certain things.
Italian parents follow the same spirit, sometimes being more or lessx, more Mercurial than ordered, with more anarchy than structure. And when rules are randomly enforced or barely exist, people look for others and their help. Bonds are more easily forged because uncertainty brings people together, creating small, tightly knittedmunities with all the good and the bad thates with them.
And every kides out differently. As with all families, everyone has their little dysfunction, where the kids who grow up to bepletely normal are a minority. But the main difference is probably the range of dysfunctionality that might affect kids. If you have Asian parents, you can expect coherent behavior across arge number of them. Italian parents? Anything goes, really. Is that good? Is that bad? Who knows. Im obviously inclined to believe it might be better, but thats because Im biased. What it results in is arge amount of freedom and kids growing up as a result of happenstance.
In my case, for example, my rtionship with my father was mostly distant, with my mother acting as a mediator. Even if you locked my father and me in the same room, it would have been extremely hard to see usmunicate as normal people. And so, I mostly guided myself and took refuge under my mothers wings.
As Lord Juler speaks, I feel a great sense of relief from my anxiety, a deep need finally sated. Its not always pleasant to ept reality, but in this crazy fantasy world, a father figure helps quite a bit. I wish I were more stupid, like the average college kid, so that I wouldnt be aware of this psychological thingy. But whatever.
An immensely strong jolt of electricity goes through my whole body.
OUCH! I say while shaking to get rid of the dizziness.
Ill be reprogramming the book with Vriths help to make sure it enforces a proper learning routine, Joey Luciani. Its been too soft on youtely. Your achievements threw it off, and the internal algorithm has not been working well. We need to map a proper progression and redefine the parameters of the book. One day, hopefully, it will be your job to update the book and refit it to your greatest student.
Im your greatest student? I ask with my custom-made wink.
You are the greatest blight, young Luciani, Lord Juler says with a warm smile. But an enormously talented blight, nheless. Ive spent many nights trying to picture what you would be if you were born in Kome. Dead, I fear. That would be the most likely oue of your personality, especially if we added all the challenges my people face.
Dead? I dont really like that, you know?
I bet you dont, Lord Juler nods. But I was talking in terms of who would you be with a Vanedeni attitude.
Why? Dont you believe that the Vanedenis are the best of the best of the best?
Lord Juler smirks in response.
The best in our current era and a couple of eras past. Greater warriors than my people have walked this world. If wee back from this disaster against the Ahali, we might as well be the greatest yet. Not many civilizations cane back from their downfall. The Vanedenis have secrets that have yet to be unleashed, young Luciani. However, once those tricks are out of the bag, the chances of winning shall be almost zero. Princess Vrith, apparently, is not the only wild variable in our current equations. A [Lady], [Goldith Rodinia], might be a [Hero]. What kind of [Hero], however, is hard to say. She might be another twisted offspring, like Mauser.
Mauser is the [Necromancer]? The one Vrith killed?
Yes. A talent for magic like no one had seen before me. Vrith herself had... trouble killing him. He was a greater spellcaster than she could have ever hoped to be with her short training. s, twisted [Heroes] meet twisted ends. Being the strongest will not always guarantee you victory, Young Luciani. And thats why we need preparation as [Mages].
Lord Juler pauses and looks around my house, troubled. Few times Ive seen the old man with a frown like this. So far, he has behaved quite normally; hes been the chatty-Patty we all know. However, hes also a bit absent-minded. He stops to look at nothing in particr, smiles idiotically, and so on. Oh, shoot. Could he have a crush on someone?
Youll need extensive training by the book. I cant always stay with you. And, most of all, you have been cheating the book.
Im too good of a [Mage]; what else can I say? I tell him with a cheeky smile, putting aside my worries.
Your foundation in casting is strong thanks to the Cantrips, Joey Luciani. But a proper [Archmage] needs to be a good generalist. You cant just be a [Light Mage]. You need to know the other sses and how to counter spells you have never heard before. High-level duels are all about preventing and anticipating the next spell your enemy will sling against you. Not even your [Gamma-Knife] will be enough to win every fight. [Mages] will find out its weaknesses at some point. Enchantments, Alchemy. There are fields of magic that will require years for you to master to the necessary level. Knowledge of your enemies will be your main weapon. The [Archmages] you see here are jokes. If you met a true foe, you would die terribly. Even Levener needs to get out of Vriths shadow and practice properly. [Archmages] need to roam the world, young Luciani.
Meh, Im a [Professor] here; gotta teach.
You are a [Professor], but you need to learn as well. One day, you will depart from here. And, as my only disciple, you will need to live up to the heritage I left you.
Didnt you say I could get out of all of this and get a new life or something?
Underneath your weakness, Lord Juler says in a softer tone, theres a Vanedeni in you. You just dont know it yet. And chances are, the day youll find a battle worth fighting, there might be a great [Hero], young Luciani.
Really? And where did this young Luciani thinge from? Whats next? Will you speak like Yoda? Size matters not--
Another jolt of electricity seizes my body under the happy gaze of Lord Juler.
Belittle my words all you want, child. It will not change the fact that you are destined to change the world more than you wish for. Now, why dont we take a good look at the book and n for your future, shall we?
Yeah, no. Lets do that another day
ZAP
Chapter 262: Astraiae
Chapter 262: Astraiae
Its a beautiful, beautiful day. In fact, its one of those beautiful, beautiful days when I can hardly think of anything more beautiful than being outside, basking in the summer sun, and ying ball with Princess Bianca. Ok, sure, having a generously gifted girlfriendand I mean, gifted as in... personality, sure, that would be nice as too, wouldnt it? I pick up Princess Biancas golden-painted ball and throw it onto the curb but not too far.
Yeah, golden-painted, buddy. Its a Wallorian Treasurer, not a dog. My girl doesnt move if it aint at least golden. Sometimes I think we should hit the Dungeon together, especially now that I have more magic at my fingertips than ever before. But then I remember that I actually prefer doing nothing. And thats that. Like, why would you move from your house if you could live on your bed? Only to get girls and groceries, Im telling you.
Maybe cooking.
Princess Biancaes back after a good run. She scampers on her little feet like a goddamn train, I swear. Sometimes I think that if she got the right skills, she could turn into a literal cannonball. That would be fun.
I toss the ball again before running after her and trying to catch the little scoundrel with the golden ball in her mouth. At this hour of the day, there aren''t many people on the street near my house. Morning, that is. Its morning. Thest day of peace. We have to deliver our essays for the History of Magic ss tomorrow.
I pounce with my arms wide to snatch Princess Bianca from the ground, wishing I could cast some [Haste] spell. Body enhancement magic is much harder than you imagine. Plus, I have this hunch that its not really efficient, spell-matrix-wise. I dont know. I kind of want to work on spell matrixes after my talk with Lord Juler, but, at the same time, I feel like I should probably--
Princess Bianca uses one of her infamous skills, [Mud p].
JESUS! I say while mud goes in my eyes and nostrils. Thank God my mouth was closed. What are you, a damn Pokmon? I say while wiping away the mud and looking at the smug white pig.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Come on; lets go. We have to shop at the market. I promised myself Id try out some new stuff today.
After my chat with Lord Juler, I realized I have been too much in myfort zone. And, sure, he was talking about magic, but also baking-wise. And, sure, maybe I dont want to be a [Baker], but guess what? Im a hell of a baker. Dont you think its actually cooler to be better than others when you literally have no Skills, just skill? Hehe.
Anyway, I spoke with Marcellus, and apparently, the sweetest fruit around the market is the Astraia. I think I already ate a couple and even saw Quintus and Tiberius adding them to theirpositions. Basically, its a yellow strawberry with bigger seeds. And, for reasons that go beyond my understanding of food, the seeds are the sweetest part of it. Some sell them like candy.
Degenerate Elves.
As I walk to where the market is held, I wonder what I should do with it.
A cake? What am I, a housewife?
Like, why do people think that a true baker would only work with cakes? You watched the Cake Boss one too many times, pal. And you know what? If it were up to me, Id douse anyone using that much sugary paste or gum paste in gasoline. Jesus, its just so disgusting. Are you a baker or a clown, for Gods sake?
Oh, but its for the kids.
I had so many fights with my mother about this topic. No, mom, Im not going to print a stupid sheet of sugar with the kids favorite cartoon character. They want that? They should go to another bakery. Yeah, thats what they should do. You know, I try not to be a strongly opinionated person, but if I find a stupid parent who wants to eat my cake and have it decorated with the kids favorite stupid cartoon character on top... Oh, yeah, theyd tried bringing that to other bakeries. They would have me do the base and then go to another bakery to put the drawing on it or decorate it with some stupid stuff.
So, first of all, Im not your average Italian American from New Jersey. Im to cakes what Giorgio Armani was to clothes thirty years ago. I banned people trying to mess with my creations. My mom always thought it would bring us more business if we eded to the idiotic requests of our clientele, but thats why she managed the taxes, not the cakes.
Man, just thinking about this stuff makes me angry.
Princess, I say to the animal frowning at me. Princess Bianca can read my mood extremely well. Yet another supernatural capability of her race. Yeah, I know. I was just thinking about people who want weird stuff on their cakes. And why do they think that bakers only make cakes? Whats this about? You only go to a baker for your birthday? Is that it? Then you know what? I dont want your business if you cant appreciate my craft.
The Wallorian Treasurer starts ignoring me as soon as she realizes what Im talking about.
As we enter the market, I start looking at the various stands selling the Astraias. Or is it Astraiae? If ites from Latin, that should be the plural, I guess. Its like Lid and Lide.
The market in Elven cities is nothing like you would expect. Sure, theres a non-trivial amount of fruits and vegetables, but its the same old dirty stuff that you would find in pretty much any medieval world. Its not like oh, wow, look at these Elves and their green eco-friendly magic that will definitely leave entire generations of fantasy-nutspletely enamored. And, in a way, I like it better this way. I just wish that more Humans coulde to this world and, specifically, to Epretos. Man, imagine something like a club of LOTR fansing here and realizing how stinky these Elves are; Id really enjoy seeing a bunch of people on the verge of slitting their wrists when they dont find Ondo Bloom in a blonde wig.
I do wonder if some of them would makements like: Well, some of these Elves should be ck. Imagine.
As I take a look around, I do envy those who have skills capable of predicting the freshness of something. [Freshness Monitor] is the name, I think. Instead, I have to do it like they did it in the old days on Earth. Just pick up an Astraia, feel up the consistency, maybe give it a sniff if the [Shopkeeper] is not watching. Princess Bianca looks around, mostly focused on the far-end of the market where the artifacts are being peddled left and right. She looks there, licking her lips. My pig is a white, grumpier version of Scrooge McDuck. Her dreams consist of pretty much wanting to take a swim in artifacts and not caring about anything else in the world.
Excuse me, I wave at the [Shopkeeper], how much for a pound of these? I point to a particr batch of Astraia.
Its one silver per pound, he says with a warm smile.
One silver per pound? Is your mother pushing those out of her--
Oh, thats a bit steep. How about six coppers?
I mean, just because Im filthy rich doesnt mean I should get robbed in in daylight.
No.
Huh.
No haggling. The Elf just looks at me with barely hidden disgust. Now that I pay attention to it, I see people around the market giving me the stink-eye. This is not the first time Ivee here, but I dont remember the stares. Sure, the most usible exnation is that I simply didnt notice them the first time around.
What about seven coppers, and I buy ten pounds of these? I add a wink for good manners.
No.
Im not a particrly violent person. Unless someone puts pineapple on pizza or uses twenty pounds of sugar paste to create a cake-monstrosity. But I am pondering blowing up this stand but just for a few seconds before I give it a shrug.
Whatever, pal, I move on to another stall where the Astraiae seem to have the same quality.
Hello, there. How much for a pound of Astraiae?
A pudgy, ugly female Elf, one of the shortest I have ever seen, shrugs.
Two silvers.
Christ, I say with a beaming smile. Have a good day, dy.
I move onto a third stand, now more than aware of all the eyes trained onto me. I tip the huge hat on my head at an Elf with one of thergest disys of Astraiae. Their quality is definitely not top-notch, but this guy looks like someone who needs to offload the stuff at any cost. So...
Hello, friend, I say to the guy whos currently not busy with anyone else, how about selling me these Astraiae for eight coppers per pound?
Oh, Im sorry, but those are one gold per pound.
I mean, have I done something in particr recently to provoke this kind of reaction? I dont recall, to be honest.
Excuse me, would you mind telling me why all this animosity? Havent I shopped here before?
Piss off, Human. I dont waste my time with Worms.
Wow, touchy.
I mean, my worm, thats not really an answer. You are not doing much here, are you?
I feel a weak aura starting to push against me as the guys face darkens. Is he trying to--
Wow, are you using a skill to remove me from here, wommy-mommy?
What did you call me?
I mean, help me understand this, I say while leaning a bit forward onto the stand and picking up a very good-looking Astraia. I bought stuff in this market, and even from you, at least a half a dozen times. Now, I also killed one of the most talented [Mages] on the continent. If rumors are to be believed, the most famous [Mage]. And I dont even like to bring that up! But, why would you be so disrespectful to me, my Worm? Help me understand.
Who are you calling Worm, Human?!
The Elf bes red, and I see a couple of [Bodyguards] putting their hands on their weapons from the corner of my eye.
I mean, I get it if youre pissed that I called you a wommy-mommy, but really, Worm? And where does thate from? Im just trying to understand. Is it because Im a Human and youre an Elf? Is that it? Were different? Because, as far as I can tell, were not that different. I mean, were both intelligent beings, we can both use magic, we both like to have sex with women, I mean, at least I do. I dont know about you, probably--
Get out of here! The guy yells at me as his [Bodyguards] start walking around the little stall.
What? Why? Were just talking!
Get the fuck out of here!
Ok, now Im getting pissed. These guys are really--
Im about to do something when I see Princess Bianca jump on the mound of Astraiae and pop one in her mouth, calmly chewing as she looks at the guy.
What the fuck are you doing? he screams, beside himself. Take your disgusting pig away from my merchandise!
What? Shes just eating an Astraia.
I dont care!
Hes really losing it. I see his [Bodyguards]ing closer and, before I know it, theyre already in front of me, trying to push me away.
Look, I say as I see the guy behind the counter picking up a knife, I dont want any trouble. Im just--
And then, everything goes to shit.
Chapter 263: Penny
Chapter 263: Penny
The [Shopkeeper] throws his knife at Princess Bianca. Im not sure if he used a skill like [Bullseye Throw], but the distance between them is a few feet at best. That would be a big problem if Princess Bianca wasnt wearing a custom-made enchanted anklet with a shield spell.
The knife bounces off the shield and then falls to the ground. Princess Bianca is unharmed, but shes not happy. Not. One. Bit.
The [Shopkeeper] yells something in ng that I barely understand, but its probably something like, Get out of my sight, you detestable pig!
And then, all hell breaks loose.
See, I dont know what you know about Wallorian Treasurers, but they are the meanest bastards you can picture in any scenario. They are like the Vanedenis of animals and I think it was Lord Juler who actually said that. Now, imagine the proud [Hero]paring the little white pig to his people. Thats not something you say lightly, is it?
Princess Bianca starts to glow in bright white light, and then she charges at the [Shopkeeper] with an ear-piercing squeal. The [Shopkeeper] is blown away by the impact, but Princess Bianca doesnt stop there. She begins to destroy the entire stand, scattering Astraiae everywhere.
By the time shes done, in no more than a few seconds, the stand is nothing but rubble, with the [Shopkeeper] lying on the ground, badly injured and bleeding. Princess Bianca is still squealing, and shes now covered in Astraiae, her fur thick with yellow juice. Im not sure what to do. This is definitely not what I had in mind.
The [Bodyguards], two tall and heavily armored fes, lunge, trying to stop her. But theyre no match to an enraged Wallorian Treasurer.
Theyre quickly dispatched by the raging, shining pig. And Princess Bianca continues her rampage. As I start to foresee a great disaster, having initially underestimated her fury, I butt in to stop her, but its like trying to stop a freight train with your bare hands. I manage to get in front of her and grab her by the back, but she twists like an alligator and just throws me off like Im a rag doll. I hit the ground hard amidst the high-pitched squeals and saw stars.
When Ie back to my senses, the market is already deep in chaos. Princess Bianca is gone, and the [Shopkeeper] is bleeding profusely from his leg. The [Bodyguards] are nowhere to be seen. I get up and dust myself off.
Are you ok, pal? I ask the [Shopkeeper] as I hold out a hand to help him up.
What do you think, you idiot? he hisses at me, pping away my peace offer. Heh, I guess Princess Bianca just burned down a lot of bridges down here.
I should probably send Marcellus to do my shopping anyway. He probably doesnt know how to pick the good stuff, though. Damn pig.
My leg is broken, and my Astraiae are ruined! the guy screams.
Im sorry, I say, genuinely contrite. On the one hand, Im angry about the casual speciesism and the knife, but on the other, we could have solved this in a more civil way, I guess.
Ill pay for the damages, I say, looking around the half-destroyed store with wooden pieces presenting tiny bites here and there.
Get out of here, you Worm! he screams at me as hes carried away by some other Elves who are now eyeing me with even more disgust.
I sigh.
This is going to be a long day.
...
Not many people are interested in picking a fight with me. They do seem to remember that I had that little thing with the duels. You know what Im talking about please, dont make me repeat it again. Im not super proud of what happened on that asion.
I sigh. Princess Bianca is not in any real danger, given the astronomical amount of enchantments the little pig is wearing. Lord Juler took it up on himself to make her into a little tank. Add to that the weird abilities she gets, and there you go. Also, you cant really read her ss for some reason. Apparently, Wallorian Treasurers are naturally resistant to [Scry] or anything else that reveals stuff about them. As Im walking and looking around for more signs of mayhem, I suddenly hear a voice.
Blimey, thats Joey!
I snort.
Jesus Christ.
I turn and find myself staring at a woman who could give Penelope Cruz a run for her money. Shes wearing a low-cut robe that hugs all the right ces, and I can see her generous cleavage.
Damn.
Shes got my attention.
Joey! she exims as shees up to me and gives me a big hug.
Im frozen like a deer in headlights. Im not sure what to do.
My heart starts beating faster.
Penny! I exim.
Thats not my name, she says, but shes smiling.
What is it then? I ask, trying to keep my cool.
Calm down, Joey. Its just a super-hot woman who hugged you while you are clearly emotionally starved for female affection. Andpanionship in the bed sheets.
Penelope, she replies.
Penelope, I repeat.
Yes, Penelope, she says, looking into my eyes. Her dark eyes are like two pools of melted chocte, inviting you to dive in and get lost in their depth. Her gaze is hypnotic, and you can feel her looking into your soul as she stares at you. Her eyes are full of passion and promise, and theres a fire burning within them. You know that if you were to give yourself to her, she would take you to ces youve never been before and show you things you never knew existed.
I can feel myself getting lost in them.
Well, Penny, I find you well, I smile.
Oh, dont call me that, she says, pping my arm.
God.
Please.
Help me resist the temptations.
Please.
What are you doing here? I ask her.
I was looking for you, obviously, she says, leaning close to me.
I can smell her perfume. Its intoxicating.
I need your help, she whispers.
With what? I manage to ask while still dazed.
Ill tell youter, she stands up straight and takes my hand.
Come with me.
Oh, boy, this is no good. This woman is too aggressive! Thats my kryptonite!
...
Havingpletely forgotten about Princess Bianca by now whos probably alreadyzying it out at home anyway I look at a kitchen with at least a dozen attempts to produce something. When Penelope finally told me that she just wanted to chat, Earther to Earther, I felt somehow relieved. Sure, shes very exuberant, but that doesnt mean I should fall for her just like that.
Hopefully.
In a way, this could be my first trial. Like Hercules. Yeah. Exactly.
Wow, you cant cook, can you? I say while looking at the huge mess.
Oi, Joey. I never really had time to dedicate myself to it. Told you I needed your help; I know you are a great [Baker]. Would you mind making something while we chat? Ill clean up the ce in the meanwhile, Penelope says.
Sure, I say, partially bewildered. I start opening up cupboards, only to find ingredientsid out haphazardly, and most of them expired. Or on their way there.
Just make something simple. Im not really a fan of sweets, so dont go too crazy with the sugar, Penelope adds.
Got it.
Ill just make some chicken if I can find it. I wasnt nning on actually baking sweets.
So, when did youe to Epretos? And do you know other Earthers? Also, isnt all of this a bit weird? Am I the only one whos weirded out? Like, you just came to me and-- I stop halfway through the sentence.
Whoa, whoa, she interrupts me. One question at a time,d. Dont go all bonkers on me, Joey.
Damn sexy British ent.
And shes not even British!
How can that be fair?
Sorry, I say, scratching my head. You caught me by surprise. I was having a bad day because of the speciesism in this ce. And my pig ran away. I mean, shes probably safe. But still. It distracts me.
Your pig?
Yeah, Princess Bianca. Its a small white pig. She was with me when you were stalking me outside the house.
Oh, right! she exims. The little white animal! It was dark, and I didnt really see it properly.
Anyway, back on topic.
Oh,e on, Joey. Isnt that super cute that you have a little piggie? Id like to meet her!
Is this woman flirting with me?
Whatever.
Yo, I say, trying to regain myposure. Whats up? Im here. Now, lets get talking, please.
Fine, she says, suddenly more serious. Ill answer your questions one by one then. But I had in mind a nice chat, not an interrogation.
Thank you, I say, and start preparing the chicken to avoid fidgeting with my hands.
I came to Epretos years ago, she starts. Im from Earth, just like you. As for other Earthers, I know just a few. I have no idea how we got here, nor if we can ever go back. And to be honest, I do think its weird that we are all here. This whole thing is super weird.
I know, right? I say with a shrug.
Its like Im in a dream or something. But it feels so real. I pinch myself and everything.
I bite my tongue before adding, if you need, I could also help with the pinching.
Anyway, you know that feeling, I bet, she says. Its like having dj vu all the time. But, on the bright side, we are the only ones who are from Earth. And, in a way, that makes us special.
In a way, I say, not really convinced.
So, tell me more about you, Joey, she says while cleaning up the kitchen. Whats your story?
I dont know, I say. Im just a regr guy, I guess. I was born in the States and traveled around a bit to learn how to bake. Thats pretty much it.
And then you came here, the guy who yed Appius and a Dragon on the same day, a disciple of a Vanedeni Princess whom everyone thought dead, she says.
Yeah, I say, my mood suddenly souring. Thats a good summary. Im in a weird ce with weird people; a lot of hostility around me. But at least I have some fun.
I know how you feel, she says with a wink.
Chapter 264: Do you want to play [Doctor]?
Chapter 264: Do you want to y [Doctor]?
Blimey! This chicken is delicious! Penelope says while cutting it apart elegantly and taking only small bites. Excellent table manners. Good for her.
I asionally stare at all the cleavage shes showing, asking myself how she didnt get herself arrested or something. In any medieval town worth its salt, she should have been abducted by the evil Lord two-point-five seconds afternding her feet at the citadel''s entrance.
You are a fabulous cook, Joey.
Meh. So and so. My chicken is decent. Im not a poultry specialist.
Whats your specialty, then?
[Single-Minded Focus]
She has a file on me. Penelope is the one who put people in the criminal underworld to gather information on me. Joey, dont let yourself be fooled just because that juicy chicken threatens to drip on those massive--
I take a deep breath.
Why did you put people onto me? I ask abruptly, a bit tired from our exchange and also slightly worried about Princess Bianca now. Ive not been using my skills much, but I really needed some rity here to think without being ensnared by those massive mounds of flesh.
I needed to know if it was safe to approach you. You are not exactly loved by the Elves around you thats why I had to make sure you werent another homicidal maniac.
Another?
She slowly rests the fork on her te with but a smirk on her face.
You dont know who Cassandre is, do you?
You do?
I know about her, but I never approached her directly.
Listen, Penny, would you mind being more direct?
I really dont like that name, Joey, she says with a neutral face, all the friendliness and flirting wiped away. Call me Penelope, please.
Shes got issues.
Cassandre is a murderous, crazy woman, then?
Do me a favor; fetch me some water, please, she says, coughing gently. This chicken is a bit dry after all.
I look at the woman before me and then at the juicy chicken she has just badmouthed. I put on a smile and step forward, scoop up the te, and start eating it with my fingers.
What are you doing?!
Food is not for entitled little shits, I wink at her. You can y with me, Penny, but this chicken is perfect. If you gotints, it means you are not hungry enough.
I shove yet another piece of the greasy chicken into my mouth.
You must be kidding! she says, outraged.
I chew with my mouth open, loud and clear. Im adding some moans to have her understand whom shes dealing with. No messing around with my food,dy. It doesnt matter how hot you are.
Fine, she says while getting up. Enjoy your meal, you barbarian. Ill be in the living room.
Oh, I will, I say with a smile, giving her a little salute.
I really dont care about her name. What I care about is the file she has on me. And the fact that she knows about Cassandre. Wait. Didnt I get a file on Cassandre from Robin? Or not? Didnt I ask for something? MAN.
Penelope, I raise my voice to reach the other room. What do you have on Cassandre, exactly?
No answer.
Oh,e on, I say as I move to the living room, finding her sulking on the couch.
Everyone is so damn weird in this world, I swear.
What? she says,ying the ent thick.
Whos Cassandre?
Im surprised you dont actually know. Its not like her past is a mystery. You hired every single Fellow there is; didnt they give you a file on her? Even just as a courtesy since you seem to know her.
They might have, I admit guiltily. I might have forgotten to read it, though.
Are you kidding me?
Nope, sir. You could double-check with a truth stone.
She looks at me with an eyebrow raised and then rxes.
My reports on you were definitely correct about your attitude, then. Good.
Listen, Dr. Jekill, can you tell me about Cassandre, or do I have to go look for my file?
Please, tell me about her. I have a warehouse worth of documents, and I did not catalog them in any way.
Shes a former [Warlord].
Come again, I say with wide eyes.
A former [Warlord]. Are you deaf?
[Warlord], as in a Lord who wages wars? And she makes baguettes now?
Well, she cant leave the citadel. Thats why shes making baguettes to live.
What?
Sirens destroyed the vige of half-giants she was leading. Basically eradicated them while she was abroad. Sirens are not stupid enough to attack her on the academys grounds, but she is a target. If she ever moved from here, she would be killed on sight.
Ok, sorry. WHAT?!
Joey, Cassandre is--
Ok, ok. Wait a second.
I whip out one of the best cigars I got from [[The Secret Leaf]] and light it up. This is the stuff thates at six silvers each. The stuff I bought there with Marcellus the first time was supposedly the best, and it came at three silvers. This is apletely different quality, but the owner doesnt sell cigars of this level if you are not a known quantity.
Are you going to smoke?
Yeah, is that a problem?
No. Would you mind giving one to me?
Sure, I say, clicking my tongue. There you go.
As we both start huffing and puffing, she starts to exin better what went down with Cassandre.
She came to this world around ten years ago. She kicked up a major fuss. It took her months to put together a terrifying army. She built guns and bombs. Everything you could think of that we should have never tried bringing here. Then, she apparently came to the Nine Towers Academy with a few of her men, and thats when, coincidentally, the Sirens attacked and leveled the ce to the ground.
Jesus, I mutter.
She went a bit cuckoo after that. But then, she simply decided to stay here. Never made a move, as far as anyone knows. A few [Assassins] tried their hand at killing her, but no one has evere back from those missions. Some say that if she had been back in Leggiadra, the half-giant city, they might have won the battle. Sadly, it was a ughter. I dont know how much you know about international politics, but I assure you that the Sirens are tyrants, if not even terrorists, by our standards.
Probably just going back to their old ways, I say while thinking about what she just told me.
What do you mean?
Do you know who Lakaner is?
No? Sounds like a Vanedenis. Is that a friend of yours? Am I supposed to know him?
Lakaner of the Marigolds, one of the great legends of the Vanedenis, already forgotten by the rest of the world.
Did you know that the Sirens were quite a people-eating lot? Well, Lakaner was the [Royal Gardener] who became a [Hero] and yed the [Queen of the Abyss, Heiress of Forbidden Knowledge] Nerea. The First was a cannibal [Queen] who found out about some blood rituals and weird stuff to empower the Sirens through people-eating. Lakaner said, not on my watch, pal, went down there, took her head, went back to the Royal Pce, took the head of the current Vanedeni [King] or something, and yadda, yadda, yadda.
You really know an awful lot about the Vanedenis. I shouldnt be surprised since the lost [Princess] came back from the legends to save you.
Eh, its actually surprising that people dont know this story. Its pretty cool. Sure, my teacher just loves to teach me about their history, but even you have to admit that a guy that single-handedly decided to end a blooming Tyrant is pretty cool.
[Queen of the Abyss, Heiress of Forbidden Knowledge], Penelope mutters.
Yeah, I know. Its a mouthful. The higher you go, the more stuff gets crammed in your ss.
We both fall silent for a moment, each in their own thoughts.
Cassandres a [Warlord] whos basically exiled here. Well, thats not good. If she wanted to meet me, she might want my help to hatch a n to get her revenge. Not that kicking a couple of Sirens would be against my morals, but still. I dont want to enable a possible mass murderer toe to power and be responsible for genocide, you know.
Anyway, lets change the topic for now. What happened in the market exactly?
I proceed to recount the insane scene that went down.
Blimey, Penelope says, lets go check on the guy who got hurt. Your pig might have snapped the bone in his leg.
What?
You dont n on being responsible for hurting him?
I mean, he hurled a knife at my pig. If he got a bad injury, thats on him.
Sure, but if you dont want to create even more problems for the rest of the Humans, why dont we go check on him? Im a [Doctor], you know?
[Doctor]? I start sweating as she says that.
Yes. Are you surprised?
Oh, no, no. I was just wondering if you wanted to y doctor? I say, adding my customary wink.
Chapter 265: Sins of the Fathers
Chapter 265: Sins of the Fathers
Doctor.
You know, I could have been a [Doctor] back on Earth. Sorry, a doctor, I tell the hot woman as we track down the idiot who threw a knife at Princess Bianca in the market.
I couldnt have not been one, she replies back.
What? I say, crossing my eyes.
My fathers influence on my life was too big. I was destined to be a doctor from the day I was born to my mother. Could have never be an architect like her. Did not have a knack for beauty like she did. But, as luck goes, I had my fathers knack for wanting to fix stuff.
Daddy issues?
What kind of doctor were you?
Cardiothoracic surgeon, she says with a smirk. At least I one-upped my father in that. I worked for Doctor Without Borders for most of my life. Worked in warzones as well.
Oh, what kind of doctor was your father?
Orthopedic surgeon.
Well, could have been a good [Necromancer].
God, Penelope says with a sudden shiver. Dont even say that.
Why? Wouldnt a bone doctor be good at skeletons?
Or boners, hehe.
Good? My father would make it his life mission to be the strongest [Necromancer] ever to live.
Why? Wait, was he a good orthopuppy?
Penelope tches and shakes her head.
Good? He was considered the best. Did a couple of heart surgeries to prove to me he could do that as well when I made fun of him for being a second-rate surgeon.
What? Can you do that?
Not really. Not if you are not him.
Man, I imagine theparison with him must have been terrible for your boyfriends, I say, mmming to myself. You know how the boyfriend always wants to be better than the girls dad and the other way around?
We are almost there, Penelope says as we near a residential area of the citadel. It looks like a very boring ce. Its not like their of the Fellows, the Snack--Snake Bar? Wait. The... Poisoned Snake? No. Maybe? JESUS.
Wait, what are you doing? I take Penelopes arm as she goes up to a door with her hand already raised to knock.
Knocking?
Mh, right? I say, embarrassed.
Penelope knocks on the door. For real, this time.
A in-looking woman, middle-aged, with a child on her shoulder opens the door for us. I can feel the blood pumping in my ears as I anticipate the uing shitshow. As my mother always said, Im not great at confronting problems. Probably not even decent. Especially with people. Either things go very smoothly, or I fill my head with too many questions and abstract thoughts to do something practical.
Are you the--
Excuse me, Penelope says, stepping forward and gently pushing back the woman. [[Im Here To See A Patient]], miss.
As if by magic, the woman instantly nods and moves to let us both in. She doesnt utter a single syble in protest, switching from a slight scoff to an apprehensive expression.
I enter a house that is a bit messy but that clearly presents signs of housekeeping. And children. Two things that dont go well together. I hear two very young voices talking and screaming, mostlyughing out loud, from one of the rooms. The ce is a bit cramped if I have to be honest. Its like a tight corridor that brings us to a kitchen-cum-living room.
I see a man with pale skin and a lot of sweat on the couch. Its the same piece of crap who threw a knife at Princess Bianca; hes now taking deep breaths and trying to look over a piece of parchment, clearly distracted by the leg hes trying not to rest his weight on.
Whos it, darling? he manages to utter right before his eyes zoom in on me.
You?! he raises his voice, but the agitation has him not thinking clearly as he tries to stand up. In response, a sharp jolt of pain makes him hiss like a snake and fall back on the couch while his face contorts in pain.
Penelope ignores the man and moves over to him, simply uttering.
[[Soothing Touch: Pain Relieved For A Day]], as she touches him, the man takes a second to widen his eyes, rxing immediately.
This should help with the pain, Sir, Penelope smiles at the now confused man, Im a [Doctor], and I take care of injuries and diseases. Your leg is broken, I gather. If it was because of the small pig, there might be multiple fragments swimming around in there. Do you mind if I check it out really quickly? My friend hase to apologize, and you can hear him out in the meanwhile.
Uhm? he looks at Penelope with a frown, but he also realizes theres no more pain in him, but something was clearly bothering him before. He shoots a pained look at the parchment and shrugs.
Do what you must, he says, defeated.
As Penelope gently moves his leg on the couch, having him lie down, I scratch my head at a loss for words. I dont know where to start, honestly. Do I say that I apologize but that he was a massive dick for trying to knife down Princess Bianca? Do I also tell him he was being a racist pig? Meh. That wouldnt be an apology.
Something my father told me a long time agoes to my mind.
These Americans can never say sorry, the old man roared, furious, even when they make a huge mistake, theres always a goddamn excuse. St. Peters grace, Joey, never do that! Children and idiots do that! When you apologize, especially if its a senior you are apologizing to, just say that you are sorry for what you did and shut up! If the other person is smart enough, they will apologize back if they have any fault in it. Otherwise, you have done your stupid part, and you can go your way. They wont better themselves just because you did the right thing, but at least you will have done the right thing.
Hey man, Im sorry about my pig, I say, Ill pay for whatever she broke.
I almost add at normal market prices, but then I bite my tongue. Lets not add anything to avoid a meaningless conflict.
The Elf looks at me, ruminating on a response, while Penelope is moving her fingers around his knee. I see some weird stuff moving under his flesh, but the guys gaze is clearly focused on me, and he doesnt seem to be paying any attention to his body.
We got word that you tried to assault Princess Laura.
As soon as I hear those words, I can feel the blood rushing to my ears. I have to take a deep breath to avoid shaking or shouting because this is just preposterous!
That conniving little bitch!
She came to me because she wanted to go on with the engagement, I tell the guy. But wait a second. You know what? Do you have a truth stone, maybe one that is lie-proof?
I have a normal one, he says, fishing it out from his bag of holding.
Perfect, put it on the table. Fuck personal rtionships.
He cautiously moves it to the table, where everyone, even his wife, can see it.
[Princess] Laura refused to talk to me after those cunts in the arena tried to kill me. The fact that I was considered a criminal for months stopped her from pursuing the initial agreement we had. And the original conditions were that if I won the duels, she would ept the engagement. Marriage woulde after more conditions had been fulfilled. And I had the highest-ranked member of the Royal fucking Family guarantee that. So, she reneged her promise and then came back as soon as I got myself out of my problems with the [Archmages] by agreeing to teach them and the academy what I know about magic. They agreed. When she came back to me and we are talking about the same woman who did nothing when Marcus wanted to fucking kill me I told her to fuck off. So, I gather that she took offense and started spreading rumors about me. Well, fuck her. Im not just a better [Mage] than her sorry ass will ever be, but Im also more fucking honest.
Green. Green. Green. And guess what? Motherfucking green!
Im raging inside as the man looks at me with wide eyes and looks back and forth between me and the stone.
And man, if you dont believe me, please get a better truth stone. Or even get people with fucking truth stones for all that matters. I dont give a fuck. Ill prove it to anyone who doesnt believe me. I surely made a couple of mistakes with [Princess] Laura, but shes lying her ass off to save some face.
I turn to see that the woman has a palm covering her mouth, and the small child in her arms is stirring.
Your leg is ok now. I set the bone. Drink some health potion, and it will be all right. It will take a few weeks before the bone is as strong as before. Try not to overdo it. You can move weight around, but dont push it. You might break the bone again.
Penelope winks at me right before asking: Anyway, do you happen to have any tea?
Chapter 266: Age is But a Number
Chapter 266: Age is But a Number
So, you dumped the Princess? the guys wife has made some tea for all of us and now the whole family is looking at me, small children included. Even the toddler in his mothers arms is out for some tea.
Yep. Dropped the bomb on her. Almost told her ass is too fat as well.
For the Worlds Tree, the mother open her mouth and looks at her children, who are already spelling fat ass, with their juvenile food-openings.
Joey is not a good luck on you if you badmouth a girl youve been with, Penelope interjects.
Heh, not been with her, man, I shrug, we just dated. tonic. No hardcore stuff. And you boys, behave. No sex until marriage.
Mr. Luciani, please, [[Severinus]], the [Merchant], says.
Ohe on, just joking. Have all the sex you want, kids. Its free.
At this point, probably having heard the word before, the two smaller children, both boys, start screaming around: SEX! SEX!
It takes a few minutes to put the household in order and confine the children to the sex talk-less room in the house. Severinuss wife is looking at me with a scoff, but she hides a slight smile of amusement.
You know, Lauras mother, the [Queen], was supposed to be exhiled or something. But then, King Tiberius, who I basically rescued from poverty, decided to take back his own decision. Crazy, isnt it? I mean, fostering hate is part of the royal family stuff, I guess. But I havent really done nothing, you know? The duels, for example, werent my idea! Did you know that? And did you know that they werent really supposed to be to death?
We didnt watch them, Severinus says. It was the talk of the city for weeks. But the tickets were quite pricy.
What? Tickets? They sold tickets?
Sure. They probably made a lot of money as well. It started from one silver for the worst part of the arena. The better ones were paid for in gold.
Huh. You would expect someone to pay the main entertainer, but I guess thats not how it works. Well, it doesnt matter. Anyway, Severinus, how much do I owe you? You have the math on you, dont ya?
The Elf, a rather short one, exhales.
Its a steep bill. I took out a loan for the amount of Astraiae I was selling and most of them were ruined by...
Yeah, I know. Princess Bianca is a bit cuckoo. Dont worry. Princess Laura is actually worse. Bute on, how much? I press him. Hes obviously a bit shy even though hes supposed to be a [Merchant], brother-inw to [Hagglers] and children of [Thieves].
Twenty-three gold coins if you count business lost today and the interest, suddenly the wife interjects with a hard expression.
Well, its not exactly--
Sure, whats the problem, I fish out a bag of gold coins thates from my own bakery and take out a couple of fistfuls.
This should be around forty, I think. You count it, I push some of the gold at the man. And listen, again, Im really sorry about everything.
This is-- the man widens his eyes. This is too much!
Meh, I have the cash, dont worry. Im not even sure how much money I have exactly. A lot, probably. But dont spend it all in one ce, I wink at him.
I... I dont know what to say, the man is still in shock.
You dont have to say anything. Just... enjoy your life, I pat his shoulder and stand up. Oh, and one more thing.
Yes?
If you ever need some work, dont hesitate to ask. Ill be in the city for the foreseeable future, and Im always willing to help out, I say with a smile.
I... thank you, the man finally manages to say.
No problem. Now, if youll excuse me, I have to go, I say and head for the door.
Oh, and Joey, the wife suddenly speaks up.
Yes?
Thank you, she says with a smile.
I return the smile and nod before leaving the house.
...
Work?
Yeah, I could have him sell some pastries for me. Surely would him more cash than those stupid Astraiae.
Just like that, after all of this, you simply... give him a job?
I look at her with a brow raised.
Yeah? You healed his leg. Whats a jobpared to that. You are right. I was an asshole. He was an asshole, too, sure. But that should not mean I should behave like an asshole. Lead by example, as they say.
You are something else, Joey Luciani, Penelope shakes her head. Do you mind if I ask a totally unrted question?
Shoot.
Whats up with the hat?
I touch the brim of the giant hat of my head, now more of an afterthought than anything, and shrug.
Nothing, really. Its a gift. And its cursed. So if I take it off, it will start zapping me. Probably to death, at some point. Yeah. Its also made of dragon skin? But like, soft dragon skin? I dont know whats the deal with that. Fabric softener, perhaps? Do you know if they have fabric softener in this world?
[Washers] have a skill for it, she giggles, but the hat--
Yeah, its a bit weird. Kind of a good artifact, though. Unique, for sure.
Yeah, I would say unique, as well.
Sooo, whats up? Are we going back to your ce? I ask the woman.
Oh, on our first date? I dont think so, she replies with a cheeky smile.
Just walk me home, and thats it for today. I n on staying here for a bit. And we can talk. Not that its going to be worth much. I doubt well be able to go back to Earth, you know. At this point, I feel like Epretos would suit me better than Italy. Cant go back to a ce without skills, really. Oh, by the way, how did you die?
I stop dead in my tracks. On purpose, obviously. Theres not really that much that can surprise me anymore. But I love to be drammatic.
Excuse me? Or, you know, I beg your pardon?
How did you die? I know for a fact that all other Earthers who came to this world were dying when they suddenly got rejuvenated and transported here.
I look around, seeing the normal traffic as a sign that Im probably not having a psychotic attack.
I didnt die. I was chasing some... do you say tail in Ennd? Wait, no. You are not English. Right. I was, you know, fooling around. Asking a girl out. Or something. Yeah. No details. Anyway. No, not dying. For sure.
Hm. Well, thats good to know. You dont have to tell me more if you dont want to, she says with a smile.
Good, good, I say, resuming my walk. After a few feet, I stop again.
Wait a second, you dont believe me, do you?
Its a sensitive matter. It can be traumatic to talk about it. I understand perfectly your reserve about it.
What? What reserve?! I did not die. I swear. Why would I lie? And wait a second, how old were you when croaked?
Pretty old, she says with a wink.
Oh. Wait a second.
Are you telling me you are an old geezer?
Something like that, she says while striding forward. And remember, age is but a number!
Wait! Where are you going?! How old were you?! Oh GOD! Its going to be gue my dreams! Tell me! Penelope, Penelope! Fuck! Stop running! STOP RUNNING YOU OLD BAG!
Might have caught the VID
Might have caught the ''VID
So, I have a 38.5-39 celsius fever, which is around 101.5 F.
It''s going up and down and it made it impossible to do decent work yesterday and today. I suspect I''ll be out ofmission tomorrow as well. If you don''t see the chapters that should havee out these days, that''s why.
I''d say it''s going to take a day or two before I can get back to work.
Must have caught this at the wedding.
Anyway, going back to the bed now. Thank you for your understanding.
Chapter 267
Chapter 267
Show me, Lord Juler ordered in no uncertain terms.
I look at my teacher and slowly inhale. I can feel the air going through me, whistling in my ears; Id never thought life could be so weird and miserable for someone.
Joey Luciani, Lord Juler thundered, show me what kind of problem it is.
I shrug.
Its not really something I can put into words. I just dont feel like casting Light Magic. Thats all.
Did something happen to your ss?
Nah. The ss is fine. Still a [Luxmancer]. Still level 33. Nothing much there.
And what seems to be the problem, then?
What is the problem, really?
I havent been practicing. Thats the problem. I havent really been studying, and so on.
Do it, then, Lord Juler frowns and moves a hand to his big beard.
Tipping my hat towards him, Iugh, Lord Juler, thats not the problem. I just... lost interest? Man, that sounds shitty. I dont know. Am I having another meltdown?
Meltdown?
Am I losing my wits? Thats the trantion, roughly.
Lord Juler sighs and looks around the room in Vriths tower.
You could have learned the [Teleport] spell by now. What is happening to you? The girl in the tower is studying every hour of the day, trying to be stronger than you, Joey Luciani. And if you give up like this, she will.
Meh, Lucinda? Good for her. Shes obsessed with power, Lord Juler.
Everyone is, young Luciani.
The [Supreme Archmagus], even though he doesnt have a flesh body, sits on the chair. Certain mannerisms are hard to let go, even when you are a soul inhabiting an alchemical creation.
Do you have anything wiser you can say? I dont know. Say something super profound that makes me want to do stuff again?
Vanedenis--no. Lets not discuss my people for once. Joey Luciani, you have undergone trials...
...
So, what brings you here, Joey? Liogi, the Foxman, smiles at me with sparkly eyes.
I dont know; got some cashews?
Liogi shuffles around in his small office with his pudgy body and opens a cupboard, fishing out a big bowl full of cashews. After brining it to his desk, he smiles at me.
I got to keep them far from my desk if I dont want to get an even bigger belly, he winks at me while patting his food warehouse.
I start chewing the cashews while I look at the ceiling of the room.
Im having some trouble with magic, I tell the Foxman.
I fear that magic might not be my field of expertise, Joey, Liogi smiles apologetically. If its about research, you are better off going to Ariostuss office.
Yeah, no. Its not about research. Its more like, I havent been practicing and training properly.
When was thest time you felt like you trained properly?
Before the duels, I guess? I shrug.
The duels as in...
When shit went down in the arena behind the academy.
How do you feel about what happened during the duels?
Were you there? I ask Liogi.
Yes.
Well, thats it. A bunch of people went fucking nuts, I say while grabbing a handful of cashews, and I had to kill them.
I bite my lips and avert my gaze for a second while spelling out the word kill.
They would have probably killed you, Liogi says. Do you have an issue with killing others when they are trying to take your life?
Maybe? I dont know? Like, I know that killing is wrong, sure--but how do we differentiate between just fucking killing anyone we want and... I dont know.
Among the Vanedenis, Liogi says, its considered a great sin to spare an opponent. Second chances are not appreciated in their culture. Among Hydras, sparing an enemy brings them into your fold, making your power and influence stronger. Elves have a younger history and either went one way or the other. Most of what we feel is right or wronges from our culture--but I bet you know that.
I was talking to my teacher, I tell Liogi, ignoring how unsafe it is to reveal this stuff, and I got very practical advice on how to ovee my own... doubts? I dont know. The Vanedenis are screwed up in the head. Its like, yeah, sure, lets just - I dont know - mess everyone up.
Its... I make a pause, its hard. Thats what it is. I feel like I havent been training and learning because Im obsessed with a lot of weird stuff. I mean, in a way I have been practicing some spells. Like, I can cast a mean [Sleep] or [Silence]. I can even cast general wards and some Mana fields. I did some stuff, you know? But then, I dont know. I barely did any [Light]-rted stuff.
Do you enjoy your field of expertise? Light Magic?
I look at Liogis dark eyes with a sad expression, and then I activate [Advanced Mana Sense]. I slowly shape a multi-colored light that behaves like a floating smamp. I chisel several smaller [Lights] out of pure Mana, in all different shades but all in an ovoidal form. I make them spin slowly, creating a chaotic choreography of beauty and elegance. As I turn off the skill, I look at the [Lights] in front of me and at Liogi.
Enjoy? I love this stuff. And I know that it could just be that using my magic to kill someone might have generated this weird block in my head. Like, maybe I associated Light Magic with killing? Or maybe Im justzy?
Did you associate Light Magic with killing before, when you were still training?
Hell yeah, I guess. I have some pretty deadly stuff. I mean, I fried Appiuss brain in front of tens of thousands of people. Its not like I didnt know what I was doing. I epted thatst duel and--maybe it was childish? Maybe I shouldnt have? Like, once Vrith showed herself, couldnt I have fucked off? I already saw Laura cowering, unwilling to help me. Couldnt I just leave Appius alone? Did I kill that poor fucker because I had to show my dominance or something? And is that the reason Im not doing Light Magic anymore?
What was fanning the mes of your learning drive when you were still deep into it? Liogi asks with his calm and soft voice. I bet you have a [Revealing Answer].
I wanted to help Antoninuss mother get better; she was dying. I couldnt help but think of my mother.
As the words leave my mouth, I feel two warm streams go down my cheeks. I raise a hand to touch them, but Liogi has already offered me a napkin.
You can keep it, he says.
As I take it, I notice a little fox stitched on it.
Its my personal brand. I had some custom made for my clients, if they ever needed them.
Liogi, I say with a sigh. Are you trying to give me space to process what I just said?
The Foxman nods.
Yes.
Well, I say while drying my eyes, that was something.
Pretty good for the first ten minutes here. A breakthrough of great magnitude. Knowing about yourself helps in avoiding your mind meandering in dark thoughts. There might be some unprocessed trauma that you have been carrying with you for a while. The trauma might have been the reason you drove yourself to such lengths for training. And now, without the dysfunctional push, you are looking for yet another high, Liogi says in a in tone. This is my [Lucky Guess], Joey. I can use it every three days. Its quite a powerful skill, and it rarely misses the point.
So... whats the problem here? Im not following, I say, slightly confused.
If you base the core of your work, your profession, and even your ss, off something unhealthy, there cant be a cure for it. The cure is the excision of the necrotic wound. In your case, however, its slightly different. sses are a much deeper work of the mind that most think. The cases where you get a ss thats not really fit for your needs are unique. Non-existent, you could say. sses are a greatpass of who we are. Who we are bes the ss, but the ss will always reflect who we are. And Im talking about the inner workings of the self, not just you doing some menial tasks.
Is that why I didnt get my [Baker] ss?
Liogi sighs and starts exining.
Chapter 268:
Chapter 268:
The reason you didnt get the ss, Liogi says, is most likely due to you not identifying your life with baking. There might be something very deep in your soul that denies you the ss. Some great [Schrs] have hypothesized that our deeper selves, the parts of our soul that move independently from our thoughts, might be able to refuse a ss on our behalf.
Now, Liogi rifies, I personally dont believe theres any willing and active action on the behalf of the unexplored parts of our soul. I think it simply acts as a gate, keeping out what not even you know is not suited for your unknown depths.
But what about someone who has the [Cleaner] ss, how does that work? Do they really identify as [Cleaners]? I mean, not to sound like a douche, but I dont understand that. I can see someone being a [Cleaner], or maybe a [Janitor] to make money. But I dont understand how their goddamn soul could see them as such.
Do you believe everyone is the same? Liogi asks.
What? What does that mean?
Do you believe that everyone has the same quality of means? Or that they are the same quantity?
What the hell is this Foxman saying?
Do you mean, like, if I believe that everyone can do anything? I mean, no. I cant do a bunch of stuff. I could never be an [ountant], no matter what.
But you can be a [Schr] and many other things. Including a [Professor].
Yeah? I say.
[Janitors] might be janitors because they just need money for their family, but nheless, their soul sees the alignment of intent and personal quality as coherent. Its not as intuitive as we would like it to be.
Ok, Liogi. You are losing me here, bud.
Liogi reclines his pudgy body into hisfy chair and crosses his furry hands over his belly, looking pensive. His slightly discolored red, furry ears move back and forth.
Lets make it easier, then, Liogi begins, you are a [Mage], Joey Luciani. The fact that you are a [Mage] means your soul has seen in the ss something it longed for. Theres an alignment of intent and personal quality. You want to be a [Mage] and you can be a [Mage]. When I say want, I mean that the part of the soul you have but are not aware of is good with you being a [Mage]. Are you following?
Ok, so far, yes.
You are not a [Baker]. Why are you not a [Baker], even though your personal quality as a [Baker] is clearly good enough to get you past level 40 in the blink of an eye?
Are you asking me? I say, a bit stunned when he stops talking.
Yes.
What? Arent you supposed to give me a clear answer?
You have all the answers, Joey. Lets just pry them out of you, if you want.
I scratch an eyebrow and puff my cheeks for a second, ruminating. Is it a good idea to bare my soul to a guy who looks like a fox? Isnt there some biblical/mythological reference that makes this a bad idea? Should I get him some grapes just to be sure?
Ok, I say, lets see if I understand. I dived into baking because it was the one thing that made me feel quitefortable with myself. I developed mad skills for it, but you are telling me that I have been lying to myself for more than ten years of my life - because I started baking when I was like, eight, I think - and so that makes it almost 15 years of me doing something that I actually dont want to do?
No one said you dont want to bake. You might actually like it a lot. Im just saying you dont see yourself as a [Baker] - never have, and theres a chance that you never will.
So, are you telling me I wasted a huge part of my life?
No, Joey. I cant give you an answer to that. You might have spent most of your life doing something because you didnt want to confront what you wanted to. Wasted? That depends on how you look at it. Instead of focusing on the past, Id wonder if baking is what you want to do for the rest of your life; thats much more time to wastepared to 15 years.
Liogi, am I supposed to feel like shit while talking to you? Because it feels like Im having an existential crisis here, and you are fanning on gasoline-fueled mes.
Do you remember the story I told you when you came to consult me for your friend Amelia?
Which one?
A father killed himself when they tried to snap him out of his delusions.
Ok, wow. So, you are basically saying that living infort might just be living a lie and now Im simply... I dont know, analyzing all the problems Ive been ignoring?
The longer you go without ying the Dragon, the stronger the Dragon gets, Liogi smiles. Havent you ever heard of this saying from your Ahali friend? Ariostus told me about your study group. A very interesting dynamic there.
Ok, lets not change the topic now, shall we? Fuck. Dont you have a skill that would make me feel better? Some anxiolytic stuff? I dont know [Anxiety Begone]? Isnt that a thing?
Its not advised to supplement the patient with calming skills in these moments unless the patient is going to self-destruct. I would have used skills and alchemy on the parent in the story, not on you, Joey.
Lucky me, I reply.
[Mages], at some point, might gain skills that stabilize their mind and their heart, making them more resilient to themon ailments of the soul. You might wish that you gained such skills one day. But they are extremely powerful and rare, Joey. They are a permanent fix, but some have gone mad while chasing them.
Yeah, I guess.
Joey, if you want to know yourself better, its going to take time. But the sooner you start this lifelong trip, the sooner the blisters under your feet will be callouses.
Ok, so, why am I not practicing Light Magic? I sigh.
When you first practiced, what was the reason?
I think I wanted to hit on Lucinda? Yeah, that might be it.
But you got the ss, nheless. If you just wanted to chase thedies, it wouldnt have been enough. You might have gotten the [Flirt] ss if that was what you really were. Instead, you became a [Mage].
I dont know, Liogi. Jesus, this is stupid. Who doesnt want to be a [Mage]? Isnt every childs dream to move a wand around and do cool stuff? It sounded cool, thats all! Why do you have to look for something deeper when it might be simply as deep as a puddle?
But many would also like to be [Chefs] when they chop a few vegetables in the kitchen. Anticipating a reward isnt enough, Joey. Why dont you think deeper? Have you ever wanted to be a [Mage] before arriving in Epretos?
I look around, wishing there was a stupid window I could nce at. Sadly, Liogi lives in the basement of the Nine Towers Academy. Theres not much I can distract myself by, and that kind of forces me to look for an answer. See, theres this weight on my chest, like literally; not like oh, something is weighing on my chest. No, no. I feel like my chest is being fuckingpressed with a fucking sledgehammer Vanedeni relic.
I couldnt manage a bakery on my own, Liogi, I tell the furry guy. Its too much. The taxes, the responsibility. Even the hiring process. Its a nightmare. Before I came here, my mother was doing that stuff. I focused on baking and having fun; that was all I had to take care of. I would even forget to eat from time to time. And my mother woulde to my house and cook me a hot meal. She got really sick, but she still had to take care of me.
I stop for a second, looking for the right words. Then, somethinges out of me in form of a confession.
I know Im good at stuff. I know I can be extremely good at stuff. Its a thing I know, that Im conscious of. And sometimes I look at the little challenges that stuff like bureaucracy poses, and it makes me mad. It makes me so fucking mad, Liogi, that a person like me cant fucking deal with them, I spell thest words with raw, pure anger, while my eyes fill with tears, so mad, I swear, sometimes I just wonder what the fuck is going on. I have crafted magic, Liogi, that you cant possibly understand! I made a spell so powerful that I could kill [Archmages]. My talent is out of this fucking world, right?! Then, why do I get a fucking panic attack every time I open a stupid, fucking bill?!
I start crying wholeheartedly and when I look at my knees, I find another fox-imprinted napkin.
Chapter 269
Chapter 269
Its so ridiculous when you think about it: a man who can do so much but cant do a subset of very simple tasks because otherwise hell have a massive anxiety attack. Oof, now that I talked to Liogi about it, I realize it might have been the first time I said this stuff in an explicit manner. You know how stuff can, like, float in the back of your mind? Well, thats the kind of weird stuff I guess you need to talk about to a psychologist--or a fox guy.
For all Id like to say it was useless, Im actually feeling much, much better. My life has been wild sinceing to Epretos and I guess it was a bit wild before as well. Imagine being taken to a fantasynd with unprocessed trauma and just adding more and more unprocessed trauma on top of that. Cant be easy, can it?
Liogi had a different way of looking at things and he brought up the fact that we had been talking about old traumas a lot; and, you know, I guess its good to have someone helping you to talk about that stuff, but he also said that I should do something to manage the day-to-day stress Im going through.
Oh, man. If I could wish for something to solve the day-to-day stress, it would be to just rest my head on Selena Gomezs supple thighs. That, plus some chatting with Liogi on a regr basis would go a long way in solving my problems, I swear.
Joey! a feminine voice suddenly thunders while Im looking at the ground in front of me.
God, is that you, Selena? The thought enters my mind because I was just thinking about that beautiful goddess. But it couldnt be, could it? Well, better to hope than... I dont know if thats a saying. Whatever.
Lucinda? I say with a disappointed frown when I look up. I groan and slowly exhale. This is not going to go a long way in solving my stress problem, I guess. Liogi said to take it a bit easier until we get a handle on my deeper issues.
What is your damn problem? she says, hissing, clearly not happy about the disappointed expression on my face.
Mine? You. Can you please vacate the premises, miss?
I came here to challenge you. Im not going anywhere.
Challenge me? Lucinda, I have to finish writing a goddamn paper on the history of magic or whatever the hell it is. Move that fat ass out of my way.
What did you just say?!
See, my mother always told me that one day, I would find a girl that would treat me so terribly I would be miserable for the rest of my life. And that it would happen unless I learned that sometimes you need to--well, she said pdies away; thats the rough trantion of it. In my case, Id say push them away without too much force.
Im busy, Lucy. Im not going to waste my time on you, I say, seconds before one of the windows of my house crashes.
Jesus, Princess Bianca! a white ball of fur basically teleports into my arms and jumps over my shoulder, looking smugly at my ex-girlfriend.
Those windows are worth half a dozen golds, I say, turning to the pig. Cant you just use the door?
As the little white thingy ignores me, Lucinda is losing her patience more and more as shes being ignored.
Waste your time? Put up your shield, you bastard!
My shield? Why? You want to fight?
I have been training day and night while youve messed around! Ill prove who really deserves to be taught by--
I look around and see more and more people stopping by. Hell, I can even hear some of theirments.
Look, two Humans are going to fight!
Isnt that the crazy Human who killed Appius?
He is! Oh, is he going to kill that girl too?!
No, I think that girl is the same girl that was in the arena! Look at her! Yeah, its her! Could it be a lovers quarrel?
Well, have you heard the new gossip going around? [Princess] Laura is apparently super jealous of him and she is spreading fake rumors about what went down because he dumped her!
But thats preposterous!
No, no, its the truth!
Jesus, fucking Severinus the [Merchant] or his fucking wife someone has been tattling. Well, at least it will partially restore my reputation, I guess. Ill take that.
What are you waiting for? Put up your shield and fight, you coward!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I say, waving my hand dismissively. Im sorry, but Im not going to fight you.
Oh, and by the way, stupidmagesayswhat.
What?
Point proven, I smile and look around, seeing that people basically cleared off most of the street, waiting along the curb, almost entering other peoples houses.
Lucinda suddenly conjures her favorite spell, [Sr Whip]. It looks ten times meanerpared to before she started learning magic under Princess Vrith. She has also assumed a battle stance that I have never seen her employ before today.
Put up your shield, Joey! Or I will fry you and your stupid pig!
I dont think so, I deadpan. Im not going to fight you, Lucy. And why would you even need to prove you are better than me at magic? Like, what does that aplish?
Princess Vrith said no Vanedeni would have epted the way you treated me! Lucinda shouts with her face looking more and more like a tomato.
What? I scratch my chin while feeling Princess Bianca growing more and more restless. You, behave!
The pig stares at me but we already had quite the discussion about what went down at the market and even my unruly Wallorian Treasurer understands that shed caused problems for me rather than herself.
Yeah, she said no Vanedeni would have ever treated a woman like you treated me!
Really? I raise an eyebrow. Well, thats interesting.
This definitely sounds like some Vanedeni bullshit. I wouldnt put it passed their customs to incite strife among disciples to let the stronger fighter emerge.
What is so interesting about that?
Well, you know, I start, slowly walking towards Lucinda whose eyes are glued to me. I find it quite funny that a Vanedeni would say something like that because, if you recall, I saved your ass when Marcus was trying to let you suicide bomb! So, if you will, Ill go back to my ce and forget you are making a fool out of yourself.
I can see her face getting redder and redder as I keep talking.
You, you, you, you! she shouts, stomping her feet like a little child. You just dont understand!
What dont I understand? I ask her, stopping a few feet away from her.
You just dont understand what its like to be a woman!
Oh, really? I raise an eyebrow. And what is it like to be a woman, Lucinda?
You just dont understand what its like to be a woman because youre not one! she shouts.
Joey, you have the talent of a generation and relics at your disposal! But you are wasting all your talent!
What does that have to do with being a woman now? I frown.
Because you stomped on my honor!
Honor?
Joey, Im here to fight you! I wont fight you to death, but I need to prove my point, you donkey! Vrith taught me much more than you could ever imagine! Put up your shield now!
Ok, how did it go from me being rather satisfied with my first visit to a pseudo psychologist to Lucinda waving her big tits around and saying she wants to fight me? Should I even consider it? Like, I guess our breakup wasnt that good... But this? As Snoop would put it, Hoes be crazy, man.
Lucy, Im sure we can talk about it. Why dont you dispel that whip ande inside? We can have a nice chat, Im sure.
You know, when stuff gets too hot, its better to keep a cool head and be reasonable. No reason we should get down to a fisticuff if we can discuss it like civilized Humans.
Joey, you son of a dirty whore, fight me!
I click my tongue and take Princess Bianca off my shoulder.
Im sorry, Princess. Go inside, I say with a smile. Ille soon. Give me a minute.
With a hint of fear in her eyes like Ive never seen before, Princess Bianca jumps off my shoulder. While the little pig scutters away, jumping in through the broken window, I get up and dust off my robe.
I give Lucinda my custom wink-cum-tongue-click.
[Light Overcharge]
[Overcharged Prization Field]
[Light eleration]
[Overcharged, elerated: Advanced Light Lance]
Chapter 270
Chapter 270
I add an upward motion to the overcharged spell because I anticipated Lucinda evading it. So, the spell goes up into the sky instead of hitting someone in the crowd. I feel the rity given by the hat as Lucinda sprints at me. Without it, it would be harder to aim spells so precisely in the blink of an eye.
Shes being trained by a Vanedeni, which means that even if you are a [Mage], physicalbat is not beneath you. Au contraire, its actually encouraged. As Lord Juler would put it, [Mages] dont expect other [Mages] to recklessly charge at them.
Lucinda summons a [Lava Globe] on her palm and adds a spinning motion as she throws it at me.
So thats the specialty she picked.
A [Lava Mage].
I ignore the globe and move forward a few steps as the spell''s trajectory remains unchanged.
In any other case, I would have tried to stay reasonable. But Lucinda knows very well how I react when someone badmouths my mother. And the fact that she would say something so filthy with the sole purpose of enraging me makes it ten times worse.
Right now, I regret not having developed some restraining magic. In fact, I cant use my best spell since it would kill her. But I dont have as many spells as Id like.
[Greater Chain sh]
I hear shoutsing from the thick crowd as multiple shes blind them. But, thanks to [Eyes: Light Immunity], I can see Lucinda has no problem seeing through the shes. Shes unfazed by the pyrotechnics.
Well, if that doesnt work, Ill just keep it extremely simple.
[Advanced Mana Sense]
I see a spell matrix appear inside Lucindas soul shroud, and I immediately cast a [Light] into it, throwing the matrix in disarray.
Lucinda is momentarily taken aback as she tries to rpose the spell.
But I dont give her the time.
[Aura Lucis]
[Advanced Light Shaping]
[Light Overcharge]
[Greater Chain sh]
This time around, I increase the power of the shes and focus them on Lucinda''s face, making them stand just a few centimeters away. Because of the strength of the sh, practically everyone in the area has gone blind for a moment and has started backing away.
As the light fades, I see that Lucinda is still standing. But now, shes squinting, and her hand is covering her eyes.
Trying to blind me wont work, you know.
I know, it was a small distraction.
I take out a small vial from my pocket and throw it at her while the shes still rage. Even though she has clearly used some spell to protect her eyes, its nothing like my immunity.
I smile as the vial shatters at her feet, and a thick, green smoke starts to spread.
What in the Tree of Life is that?!
Just a little something I picked up from the market. The ck market.
A [Smoke Bomb]?! she swears.
She tries to dispel the smoke with a [Wind] spell, but its toote. The alchemical concoction has already entered her lungs. I am chewing on the antidote, a weird, orange, powdery gum-thingy. I bought this stuff from Robin, the Fellowships boss and a quarter Vanedeni, a while ago. Initially , I had thought about using it to sleep when even the spells didnt work. However, that problem kind of solved itself. Ive also gotten an antidote because I wasnt sure if it would poison me. This is the kind of stuff [Assasins] and [Rogues] use to put crowds to sleep and escape from or engage in mass ughter.
[Advanced Light Lance]
Lucinda is sent flying backward after the spell reaches her. She was already dozing off, and thats why she hits the ground hard now. Im unsure if shes unconscious, but shes not moving. The crowd is in an uproar, and I hear some people shouting my name. I ignore them and walk toward Lucinda.
You still up, sleeping beauty? I say while looking at her sorry figure on the ground. My attack impacted her shoulder and corbone. I could have broken something if it hadnt been for the shield she had up very close to her skin. You have to give her credit for being able to react that quickly. Her eyes slowly open, and she gasps.
Was that an artifact? The shield popped out of nowhere, I say.
You, you, Lucinda breathes heavily, shaking her head. Shes trying to fight off the sleepiness, I guess.
You are not in any condition to fight, I say.
You, Lucinda says with a trembling voice. You will pay for this.
[Nervous System - Biological Transmission], Lucinda suddenly shouts.
A green light envelopes her whole body and makes her look like a little fairy. I mean, it would look like a little fairy if her skin wasnt threatening to burst because of the erged veins.
Wow, thats not a good look on you, I smile.
You are a filthy bastard!
Lucinda suddenly jumps back on her feet as if she had just turned into Bruce Lee.
I take a few steps back and crack my fingers.
So, whats up with that? Are you what now, a [Biomancer]?
Joey, you are a--
[Light eleration]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
[Advanced Light Lance]
I dont wait for whatever stupid reason she came up with to justify attacking me in the middle of the street and insulting my mother to provoke a reaction. Im getting fed up with the bullshit people areing up with to annoy the shit out of me. So I empower the magic with [[Aura Lucis]], ensuring that, this time, they would hit with extra oomph. I dont overcharge them to avoid killing her, though.
Lucinda, dear, Im trying to work on myself. I dont have time for this bullshit, I say while the multitude of projectiles suddenly reach her.
[Flesh Enhancement]!
This time, Lucindas veins go back inside the skin, but her wholeplexion turns red. And thats when she starts punching myattacks out of the air.
[Lava Shield], she starts bizarrely moving her hands, creating after-effect [Lava Shields] in the trail left by her limbs, shielding herself from the hit and letting the projectile just impact either her shields or punching them as if they werent super-fast.
As soon as the mini-tempest of [elerated: Advanced Light Lances] runs out, she looks at me dead in the eye.
[Flesh Mage] or [Biomancer], I guess. A little she-hulk castingva, huh?
Lord Juler mentioned something about Vrith and this being her thing, I believe. Not 100% sure, though. Anyway, those are the sses I know that can augment their own physical capabilities duringbat. Interestingly enough, most practitioners cannot affect others or buff them because of the soul-shroud thingy. However, they double as physical-oriented [Battle Mages]. Sometimes [Battle Mages] pick up some of the skills belonging to those two sses to be stronger.
You are going to lose, Joey, Lucinda speak out in a deeper, huskier voice.
Side-effect from the natural steroids she just used on herself? Who knows. Can a [Flesh Mage] also make their boobs bigger?
Lucy, this is getting silly. And Im getting angry. Can we please stop this ruse before someone gets hurt?
You really dont care, do you?!
Care about what?
Vrith told me that a Vanedeni would never behave like you did!
Ok? And?!
She agreed to take me her disciple, Joey! Do you have any idea what that means?!
I look around and mumble: Well, I guess everyone might know what that means now.
Not the smartest choice. But the Vanedenis do not care for secrecy, unlike every other sane person. Their motto is to have your trump cards be so strong you dont need to keep them hidden. You simply steamroll your enemies. Thats what they do.
So, you are a Vanedeni wannabe, and you need to try and beat me to prove to your Princess that you are not just a desperate wuss?
You are the most ignorant, petnt idiot I have ever known! she screams.
Me? Girl, you stopped me like a madman in the middle of the road. I could have seen Princess Laura do that, but it appears you share the same brand of crazy.
Suddenly, an idea starts taking shape inside my head.
Well, give me a second because I know something about the Vanedenis that you might have never heard before.
I take a deep breath under the scrutinizing eye of the crowd. Im pretty sure Vrith is currently present somewhere around here, watching what her batshit crazy disciple is doing. Now, I have alreadynded a few hits, and honestly, I have different ns. Angry? Sure. But you know, maybe its time for a change. Thest time I threw gasoline on the fire, I ended up killing people. Do you know how cops are supposed to learn how to de-escte situations as the first counter-measure to public unrest? Well, when you date a lot of women, you learn a neat trick that might serve the same purpose.
[Light-Bended Reality]
Lucinda, do you know that the Vanedenis are a pluriferous poption?
A what?
Pluriferous. You are an academic and you dont know what that means?
Joey, stop ying stupid games! Say what you have to say and then fight me! What would your teacher say of your cowardice?!
Well, long story short, the Vanedenis are really sharocolical people. And that influenced their long history of conflict a lot! Hell, so much you cant even imagine. You basically have to consider that in a hypothetical scenario with two Vanedenis and a Siren--like, you know? That would be absolutely crazy, wouldnt it?
What are you talking about?!
...
Hes gone, Vrith says, appearing out of nowhere by Lucindas side, while my light-generated copy and a little spell to ry my voice goes on a tirade with made-up words and nonsensical conclusions.
And that, kids, is how you ghost a crazy hoe.
Chapter 271
Chapter 271
Since the following chapter has some philosophy in it, the author does not share Joeys views on most of what hes going to borate on because of the implications of said elucubrations.
[Light-Bended Reality] is a mighty skill. The primary use I got out of it was to somehow brute-force thews of physics to amodate my personal understanding of the [Gamma-Knife]. However, its use can be broader than that. As you might have imagined, the most basic one is escaping crazy ex-girlfriends with murderous intentions.
Abilities are more flexible than you might think. Based on your level and proficiency with them, its as if some hard math was hidden behind them. Its like a video game that doesnt show you the actual values behind stuff. As my proficiency with basic magic and Light Magic is pretty high, that skill is more powerful than whatever base version of it. Gold means its about the highest grade it can reach before morphing into a Unique skill. But surely, thats not my concern. The biggest reason I got a few powerful skills, especially gold ones, is because of [Gamma-Knife]. The creation of a Unique skill so early required a lot of effort. Plus, it doesnt always happen that you get the skill for your magic. You must have reached an internalized understanding that goes miles above the average guys head in order to do that.
Take the rose, for example. Thats not a skill. But its still my most powerful shield. Lord Juler has his own theories, saying that it could be an iplete Unique Skill. Who knows? The stuff behind the casting of that skill is moreplicated than you imagine. But the overallyering is still a bit--oh, I see! Yeah, the magic is far from perfect and has too many inconsistencies. Theyers are actually not perfectly superimposed.
JOEY!
A scream splits the air, probably amplified by magic.
I scratch my chin.
Is that crazy woman going to hunt down me or something? I mean, try to. Not that she will catch me. I doubt even Vrith noticed how I escaped.
I look around and keep using [Light-Bended Reality] to fold light around me and make it look like Im not actually here. A rogue ss could probably sense my presence. Or not. This use of [Light-Bended Reality] is, for some reason, above the usual [Invisibility] spell. Not that anyone else knows, including Vrith and Lord Juler. You know, its useful to have a little ace in the sleeve, especially if its something to use for escape.
Well, Ill find a ce to chill; no biggie.
Do you know who Lucinda reminds me of?
Lets have a little premise. I grew up in a very Christian, Catholic family, right? I mean, Italians: they have the Pope. Whatever. So, that means I had to go through all the nine steps of being a son in a Christian family.
Now, as you might imagine, many of my friends were atheists from a very young age. Or simply, they had no idea what being religious actually meant. On the other hand, some of my friends who grew up Catholic because of their Italian roots became atheists in their teenage years. Now, there was a fascinating trend among these people. It wasnt a precise line but a general divide.
People who had always been atheists mostly didnt care about religion. They rarely thought about it or felt superior over others because they were atheists. With exceptions, obviously. However, the people who were religious first, or who grew up with a lot of religion around them, somehow became these obnoxious shit-throwing chimps who made atheism their personality.
If I had to give an exnation, its because those who were religious or grew up with religion around were more used to idols. So, atheism just became a recement for religion. They werent any wiser because of it. If anything, they basically became those Christian branches that go door to door to bother people or who feel superior over others just because they are religious.
Why am I talking about this when we were talking about Lucinda?
Well, its a matter of values, really. Most people are terrified by nihilism and by approaching a mindset revealing that the great majority of what we do is meaningless. And the bigger the values, the bigger the fear. Simple. Thats why the more religious people who fall to atheism need to impersonate that, I believe. And, in general, thats why we make stupid things our entire personality.
Lucinda just reced her previous failed academic career with trying to be a poser-Vanedeni. Thats it. Its that simple, really.
Or is it?
Heh, probably is in this case.
I pop a cigar in my mouth and start looking around while I take my invisible stroll. Where should I go? Mh, is Marcuss tower still closed off? There are cool books there. Ill visit, maybe. Lets check it out.
Anyway, if what Lucinda is doing is wrong, what is the right thing to do? Am I doing the right thing? Nah. This is the kind of psycho-philosophical babble that I usually try to avoid. Its really not productive on most asions.
However, no less than Nietzsche found out the problem of values. Not that I support everything the guy said, you know. Its philosophy, not football. I dont have to embrace everything about a specific doctrine or philosophy, even if I like some of it.
So, Nietzsche had quite an interesting idea about the bermensch, the beyond-man.
To sum it up, you can imagine three stages of life. The stage when you idolize something - no matter what it is - followed by the stage where you be a painful nihilist; one of those people who are constantly depressed and think they have figured out the world but also want to kill themselves because of it. Does this ring a bell? Come on, you must know at least one edgy boy like that.
Beyond nihilism, theres the man who figured out his problems. Our German friend said a lot of stuff about that, but I probably stopped agreeing with him just before talking about the beyond-man. I dont know what thest stage of life should look like.
Im pretty sure its not exactly a stage. Its more like finally getting at the base of a mountain. Before that, you cant really climb. But just because you started climbing, you are really not better than any other person.
Its interesting how its usually the nihilist douche and the zealot who feel superior to others. If you reallye to the point where you overcame nihilism and bigotry, you might realize your plights have just begun; so, why be a douche?
Thats an interesting proposition, now that I think about it. This might be the first time I realize something like that. Not sure its true, but its an interesting perspective. Sadly, it would also imply that some people might never get there. If your life is not bnced, you cant really start a journey, can you? Thats a scary thought. What if someone never reaches the base of the mountain?
I look behind me to where I left Lucinda. Will she ever realize that? I mean, am I being too harsh? What if theres a God and bigotry is a good thing? Well, that would be a doozy.
Like, even if I exined the problem to Lucinda, what would be her reaction?
Suppose I go up to her and say, yo, you have this existential bug in your matrix, have you noticed?
It makes me think of the guy who apparently killed himself when he got the news that his daughter had actually died. Could some people be cursed with a life of lies? Or blessed with one?
You cant really learn how to swim if you never let go of your floater. The risk of drowning is real, but man, this shit is so depressing. Why am I thinking about this again?
Because dear Lucinda is trying to kick my ass forno apparent reason? Yeah. Thats probably it.
I mean, lets take a look at it. What did I do? Did I betray her? She told me I was being an idiot and my life actually turned for the better when I didnt listen to her. I actually, and yes, lets put a fucking actually to remark it, found a better life here.
Mmm.
Its also true that if it werent for Ariostus, I could have gone legit-crazy. Like, real bonkers. The kind of bad bonkers without badonkers if you catch my drift.
But if I hadnt tried to fit in, I would have been stuck rotting in a stupid tower or Id constantly be looking for a fight, like she just did. Is that a good life? Is constant conflict something we should look for? I dont think so.
Pastries, asses, and tiddies. Thats it. Could be the title of my mixtape. Or sex tape. You pick.
Oh, wait.
Magic, right.
I conclude that, honestly, some conflicts might be good. As with all things, some of something is always good. In certain cases, its even necessary. In this case? Hoes be mad. Thats the exnation. She better grow up; and lets leave it at that.
But where am I on this scale?
Among those who chose not to care, I guess. I liveused to live a simple life. Im dysfunctional enough not to throw myself in the huge shit-pot of life. Again, used not to do that. I guess things changed quite a bit. Also, I suppose that you cant really enter the race to be a beyond-man if your mother has to manage pretty much every aspect of your life concerning work and paperwork. The first step for me would probably be doing my taxes without puking myst meal.
Is it better or worse than Lucinda, who is still stuck in the idol phase? Good question. Hard to answer. But how could it be worse for her? I mean, it could be worse, maybe. She could be fat.
Chapter 272:
Chapter 272:
You chose a very interesting spot, I hear [Princess] Vriths crystalline voice as I was reading a book about foxmen from Marcuss library.
I didnt know that you could already manipte light to this extent. I couldnt see you. I had to track you back to here, she adds.
I see that your speech is mostly fixed. You dont sound so weird anymore, I reply, ignoring thepliment, looking at the book once again.
Lucinda introduced me to the mostmon speech pattern during our conversations, she says. Lauridianas sanctuary inside the dead archmages tower... Your spell must be impressive if it didnt trip the wards the other [Archmages] haveid down.
I just remembered this ce from when I visited Lauras siblings. Its a cool spot and the tower is closed off, so perfect for some quiet. The hat helped with not tripping wards, I say with a sigh and close the book I had just taken from the library. Its a book on the history of foxmen. Id be interested to know more about Liogis people, honestly. Are you here to drag me in front of Lucinda? You know very well I could win a duel to the death. Why did you pit her against me, princess?
The ethereal beauty looks up at the thirty feet tall statue with a hint of displeasure on her face.
Lauridiana wasnt a Human, she says, ignoring my words. Supposedly, she belonged to a race of warrior that disappeared. Some say that not even the Vanedenis would have bested those warriors.
Wow, how dare they, I say, getting irritated. Its incredible how Vanedenis can just ignore you willy-nilly.
Levener would take great offense with your words, Luciani. I have decided not to involve myself with petty worldly politics anymore. There are greater enemies I need to face, she speaks while looking straight at the huge statue.
Going to defy the heavens,huh? I look at the huge statue myself. Good for you, I add. But Levener can suck it, Vrith. And tell Lucinda to back down.
The Princess, wearing a simple white robe, moves a few steps toward me with a neutral expression on her face.
What do you know about Vanedeni, Luciani? I fear you havent learned enough about us.
I raise an eyebrow at her.
See, we were the only individuals capable of routinely winning wars that no one else could win, she continues. At some point, we were so confident in our own abilities that we took on the sky. We didnt lose to the Ahalis because we were weak, as far as I can tell. Instead, we were punished. Our empire was wiped away; there are powers higher than your simple intellect can even begin to grasp. It is for this reason that only true Vanedenis will be able to withstand the inevitable battle.
What? Are you high? What are you even talking about?
Princess Vrith shakes her head slowly from side to side as if she was scolding a disobedient child.
You are still so naive, Luciani. I thought you would have grown out of it by now, she says.
You will understand, in time. I must warn you, though! There are things in this world that not even the Vanedeni can defeat! I have seen it with my own eyes! Powers lurk in the shadow, you little, pathetic Human!
She pauses for a breath before continuing in a calmer tone of voice.
What the hell are you talking about? I say, getting really annoyed now, putting down the book. And how has this anything to do with Lucinda?!
You are no match for Lucinda, Luciani. You should know that better than anyone, she says,pletely changing her tone.
Is that so?
Jesus, are you still struggling with your speech? Can you please stop bothering me? Im reading, here. I dont need this bullshit.
I have no quarrel with you, Luciani. You are not my enemy, she says. But I have decided to take Lucinda under my wing and teach her the ways of a Vanedeni. Unlike you, shes fit to be part of who we are.
Listen, do whatever you want. You are starting to sound like a cult. Im done with this shit. I have enough problems of my own to waste my time like this.
Luciani, she calls out to me, but I ignore her.
I am not in the mood for more of her bullshit. I turn my back on her and start walking away.
You really think that you can best Lucinda? she asks after a few seconds of silence.
What do you care? You just said yourself that I am no match for her, didnt you? Or are you just trying to get under my skin with your words? And anyway, she got super angry when I just wanted to go back at the academy--and let me say, the only reason she can show her face around is because I made things up with the [Archmages]!
Vriths fair features darken as I speak. She scowls and starts talking with the solemnity of her station.
If she had really wanted to, I could have granted her free passage in any city of this world, Luciani. Do not tter yourself. No one would have opposed my decision. The entire Elven court would have bowed in front of me, and pissed themselves in their fine robes. Lord Juler might have been a great hero, but you are not a Vanedeni and not worth of being called his disciple. It''s long past time that a shadow was held ountable for its mistakes..
Im happy for all of you, then. You clearly fit together, you and Lucinda. But keep Lord Julers name out of your fucking mouth, Vrith. I dont understand why Lucinda would want to fight me in the first ce and where this bullshit ising from. I thought we were friends, me and her! Sure, we had our differences but--
I take a slow, deep breath.
You know what? Exin it to me, then. Whats Lucindas problem?
Rarely one can find someone proud and strong enough to deserve to mingle with Vanedenis. Lucinda is a wee exception to the rule. The problem is that when she didnt agree with you, you simply discarded her. You have slept together. Thats a stain on a womans reputation, Luciani. I told Lucinda that a true Vanedeni would have had severed your genitals. Now, you run away. No Vanedeni would do something like that once challenged. Vanedenis win, Luciani. Even after she insulted your pathetic mother, whom I understand you hold so dear, you couldnt fight like a man, much less a Vanedeni.
Heartbeat after heartbeat, I can feel the blood rushing to my head, making the veins in my neck pulse wildly. Theres only so much nonsense I can take. But then, I get a jolt of rity. Probably thanks to the hat, once again.
Or maybe Im not that clear.
Wait a second. You didnt tell her to attack me, did you? You just suggested what a Vanedeni should have done, didnt you? Oh, you sly, little fox. Well, isnt that something that those spineless cowards on Teiko would--
When I open my eyes again, Im looking at the floor and I taste blood in my mouth. I cough and spit out a clump of bloody saliva on the ground before slowly raising my head and looking around.
Princess Vrith is exactly where she had been before the world went dark on me. On the contrary, I am at least several feet from where I was standing.
Fuck.
My jaw is in terrible pain.
Ouch, fuck, I swear.
What the fuck did you just do? I say with a quiet voice, trying not to move my jaw too much. It feels like all my teeth are about to fall out. Im barely able to form words. The impact felt like being hit by a truck. I try to move, but my body feels like its made of lead.
I start summoning some Mana, letting anger get the best of me.
Dont even think about it, Luciani. I can kill you with a thought, she says in an eerily calm voice. Suddenly, I can feel all my Mana freezing up.
[Archmage] is a title that people give out too easily, nowadays, Vrith says nonchntly. Mauser could have destroyed this entire country in a week. Even your little friend, King Tiberius, wouldntst a minute against a true Vanedeni [Hero].
I try to stand up, but my head is spinning wildly. I can barely sit on my ass without puking out breakfast andst nights dinner.
What you said warrants the death penalty. But, for once, I am willing to give Lord Julers some face. And this is going to be the extent of it. Utter more nonsense and Ill release Lucinda of the burden you gave her.
Gotcha, I say with my eyes squinted and my jaw partially clenched. I spit some more blood and try to form a sentence.
So... Whats up? I breathe out. Why are you here?
Im revoking my protection, she says. Lucinda will back down and Ill continue to teach her. But you, Luciani, are not Vanedeni nor you can aspire to be. A shadow of Lord Juler is not enough to make you so. Too long has passed and his judgment was clouded in allowing you to keep two priceless relics that belong to my people.
You want to take the hat and the book?
I think youll find it wise to give them back to my people. Ill ship them to those who deserve it more than you do. Lord Julers lineage is still alive; they deserve the heritage that has been denied to them by a senile soul.
Looking for Harsh Beta Readers for Casual Heroings rewrite
Looking for Harsh Beta Readers for Casual Heroing''s rewrite
Yep, that''s why I haven''t been posting. I currently have 55k words in the backlog, and I''m writing 2-3k more every day.
The rewrite is going to be substantially different from the first version. With a lot of additional content, including new characters, you''ll see an improved version of Casual Heroing like never before. I like to think that this one is the outline, and that I finally got around writing the new novel: trust me, it does feel like until the rewrite the book had been clouded by thick mist, and only now I''m clearing it up.
Plus, I''m drawing a map of Amorium, Epretos, and more.
So far, the new volumes will be around 2.5-3 times longer than the original version. The story''s timeline has been dted as well. After the current volume 1, the storyline will change as well.
Peace!
I''lle back with the third''s volume chapters in a few days.
Still Very Much Alive - When Is the Rewrite Coming?
Still Very Much Alive - When Is the Rewrite Coming?
Well, this was an eventful month. I spent the past 6 days fixing up the first ~30 chapters of Casual Heroing''s rewrite after getting some feedback. Might also give them a few do-overs before theynd on RR, but the story feels good.
I have ~44 chapters in the backlog and I''ll have many more by the time I actually get publishing.
On that note, I have decided on a date by virtue of the fact that I have worked myself to death past Christmas to pump chapters out and, for all I''d like to do the same, I don''t think my girlfriend would agree. Therefore, I shall be out on holiday for a week during Christmas ande back on January 2nd.
Casual Heroing was first released on December 9th, 2021. And to be honest, I love cheesiness, and it would have been great to release the same exact day this year. However, it would put me in a very awkward spot, life-wise.
I''ll release the chapters the same day I''ming back, January 2nd. If there''s any slow-down because of RR''s approval system, perhaps the 3rd.
I have decided not to release thest chapters 274-304 publicly because they have a lot of material that might change. I don''t want people to go into the rewrite with the wrong expectations. Also, and this might be a little spoiler for some, some of the stuff that happens in Volume 4 of the current version will most likely be moved into the rewrite around Volume 2.
Also, each volume and individual chapter is going to be much longer than before. I hope you''ll have a great time!
So, I''ll see you on January 2nd!
UPDATE! 10th!
UPDATE! 10th!
Hey there! Just wanted to give you all a quick update on what''s been going on. First of all, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and were able to take some time to rx and recharge. As for me, I had a great Christmas vacation in Slovakia at my inws and am feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the new year.
Now for the big news - the rewrite of Casual Heroing ising out on January 10th! I know some of you have been eagerly anticipating this release, and I can''t wait for you all to see the improvements and updates I''ve made. I''ve put a lot of time and effort into this project, and I hope it shows in the final product.
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your support and for being a part of this journey with me. Your encouragement and feedback means the world to me, and I couldn''t do any of this without you. A special thanks in particr to the beta readers!
Here''s to a happy and sessful new year for us all!
The Rewrite Is Out
The Rewrite Is Out
As you might have noticed, I had to take down the chapter since the Rewrite just came out.
I wanted to prevent people from abusing old chapters and skipping ahead while thinking the story would be essentially the same.
It''s been a wild ride for 2022. Made enough money to go pro from Casual Heroing and I hope to make more to stay pro.
I love every single fan who followed me through the first ordeals of Rising Stars, the debacle at the end of volume 2, all the shit this novel has gone through.
It taught me a lot.
It taught me much both as a Human and as an Author.
I hope this rewrite fulfills Casual Heroing''s real potential.
It''s been a wild ride.
And it''s about to get even wilder.
Come read the new stuff here!
Or check out the Patreon here!
Thank you!
Thank you!
I''m reposting the previous message because someone might have missed the rewrite! As for the rest of you, thank you all for the great support!
As you might have noticed, I had to take down the chapter since the Rewrite just came out.
I wanted to prevent people from abusing old chapters and skipping ahead while thinking the story would be essentially the same.
It''s been a wild ride for 2022. Made enough money to go pro from Casual Heroing and I hope to make more to stay pro.
I love every single fan who followed me through the first ordeals of Rising Stars, the debacle at the end of volume 2, all the shit this novel has gone through.
It taught me a lot.
It taught me much both as a Human and as an Author.
I hope this rewrite fulfills Casual Heroing''s real potential.
It''s been a wild ride.
And it''s about to get even wilder.
Come read the new stuff here!
Or check out the Patreon here!
Reminder!
Reminder!
This is yet another reminder since thest post got some more stragglers! You can unfollow this and go follow the NEW CASUAL HEROING REWRITE! Link down below!
As you might have noticed, I had to take down the chapter since the Rewrite just came out.
I wanted to prevent people from abusing old chapters and skipping ahead while thinking the story would be essentially the same.
It''s been a wild ride for 2022. Made enough money to go pro from Casual Heroing and I hope to make more to stay pro.
I love every single fan who followed me through the first ordeals of Rising Stars, the debacle at the end of volume 2, all the shit this novel has gone through.
It taught me a lot.
It taught me much both as a Human and as an Author.
I hope this rewrite fulfills Casual Heroing''s real potential.
It''s been a wild ride.
And it''s about to get even wilder.
Come read the new stuff here!
Or check out the Patreon here!
Weekly Reminder
Weekly Reminder
Casual Heroing''s rewrite is OUT! Stop following this series and go to the new one!!!
As you might have noticed, I had to take down the chapter since the Rewrite just came out.
I wanted to prevent people from abusing old chapters and skipping ahead while thinking the story would be essentially the same.
It''s been a wild ride for 2022. Made enough money to go pro from Casual Heroing and I hope to make more to stay pro.
I love every single fan who followed me through the first ordeals of Rising Stars, the debacle at the end of volume 2, all the shit this novel has gone through.
It taught me a lot.
It taught me much both as a Human and as an Author.
I hope this rewrite fulfills Casual Heroing''s real potential.
It''s been a wild ride.
And it''s about to get even wilder.
Come read the new stuff here!
Or check out the Patreon here!
Reminder of the New Version!
Reminder of the New Version!
Casual Heroing''s rewrite is OUT! Stop following this series and go to the new one!!!
As you might have noticed, I had to take down the chapter since the Rewrite just came out.
I wanted to prevent people from abusing old chapters and skipping ahead while thinking the story would be essentially the same.
It''s been a wild ride for 2022. Made enough money to go pro from Casual Heroing and I hope to make more to stay pro.
I love every single fan who followed me through the first ordeals of Rising Stars, the debacle at the end of volume 2, all the shit this novel has gone through.
It taught me a lot.
It taught me much both as a Human and as an Author.
I hope this rewrite fulfills Casual Heroing''s real potential.
It''s been a wild ride.
And it''s about to get even wilder.
Come read the new stuff here!
Or check out the Patreon here!
The Novel will be updated first on this website. Come back and
continue reading tomorrow, everyone!