Chapter 187: Reflections on Death


    Alexs jaw dropped as he stepped into the room.


    <em>Really?</em>


    The doors quietly closed behind him.


    Indeed! Baelin gestured to the mountains of paperwork. The gods of parchment and fruitless bureaucracy are appeased, diplomatic envoys have shaken each others hands enough times, and the city haspleted their part of the arrangements. Tomorrow morning, Iand one of the citys councillorswill be chatting with your head of state. Any messages you would like me to ferry? Comints about taxes, for instance?


    Alex froze. No, I-


    I joke, of course, Heughed as he gestured to one of the chairs in front of his desk. Come now, it is summer and it is a beautiful day: let some of that lightness into your heart.


    I am, I just dont think itd be beating for long if I was executed for offending the kingthrough you.


    Oh, bah. Baelin waved a hand. If you remain on the path of Proper Wizardry, you will one day gather power, and kings, queens, emperors and empresses will seek you out. Orat the very leastlordlings or others of lesser powers. You <em>will</em> offend one of them inevitably since their demands can sometimes cross into the realm of the unreasonable.


    Well, that sounds like ater kind of thing, Alex said. So, uh, I wont take up much of your time...I just wanted to talk for a minute. Theresa and I were in a fight recently, and I was wondering if I could get your insight on something?


    Oh? Baelin cocked his head. Did you perhaps take my advice on monster-hunting? He watched Alexs face closely. Aaaah, so there it is. And how did it go? What did you hunt?


    A vespara, actually, Alex said. But things got kindaplicated.


    They tend to, Baelin said.


    Alexunched into the details, summarizing the contract, telling Baelin about how he and Theresa had prepared for the vespara and how theyd located its territory and scouted it out. He told him about the footprints, the people controlling the monster, the wizard that was there, the sentry theyd missed, and how the fight had gone.


    After that He continued. The nobildonnas steward paid us and we handed over the troublemakers to her house guards with the letters we took from the cave. Then we went to City Hall and collected our bounty for the vespara and reported the four thatd been controlling it. They told us theyd begin an investigation once the nobildonnas people brought in the letters and the wizard andpany.


    I see, Baelin mused. And how do you think you did?


    Uuuuh, Alex scratched his head. I think it went okay. Like, you talked about how wed find ourselves in a fight one day where we wouldnt have the advantage right? So, we tried to minimize their advantages and maximize ours. I only wish wed checked the terrain better and found that second sentry.


    True, that was apseit is hard for me to say since I was not there, but perhaps it would have been suitable to continue seeking a way through the forest around the insects to allow yourselves to circle the entire camp. The chancellor tapped his desk, as he thought things through. You were not under a major time limit, and could have afforded the extra time it would have taken to find a route around the sentries, even if it was necessary topletely retreat and circle aroundbut then again.


    He paused. Such scouting might have increased your chances of being discovered by the enemy. In any case, you lived. You subdued the wizard and his partners without allowing him the opportunity to cast a single spell; that is the best result one can ask for when facing another wizard inbat, I would say.


    He looked at Alex appraisingly, does something else trouble you, though?


    Hm?


    You have atroubled air about you.


    maybe, Alex paused. Can I ask you a strange question?


    Only if you are prepared for a strange answer.


    Wasuhwas there ever a time you were...uhm...hesitant about killing? When you were young? He looked at the skulls sitting on Baelins shelves. I mean, not killing monsters or beasts or things like that, but likepeople. Mortal people. I was thinking when we were sneaking up on those people that Theresa and I might well


    Might have to kill someone, Baelin finished for him.


    Well, yeah. And Im still not really sure how I feel about that. I mean, with monsters its one thingbut I dunno. So, I wanted to ask what it was like for youif thats not too personal.


    He paused. Look, Im sorry that questions way out of line. Like, I dunno, my heads kinda turned around about it.


    No, no, not to worry, Alex, I am not in the least offended and have no reticence in discussing the subject, the chancellor said. But I would caution you...do not ask such a question of most. There are those who have lived the mercenary life, or have experienced the horror of fighting in war, or have even in another in their own defence.<strong></strong>Forhow should I put this He thought for a moment. For manyin a strange ironykilling another wounds ones own heart, mind and spirit. In those cases, it is not polite to poke at anothers wounds.


    Yeah, Alex shook his head. Yeah I got it, sorry.


    As I said, think nothing of it, Baelin sighed, then looked at his shelf of trophies. I am old Alex. Unnaturally so for my race, and I have seen more death in my lifetime than most. Itto me, it is just another part of the universe now. Things die, and so do people. I no longer trouble myself with it overmuch unless it marks the death of a friend.


    The ancient wizard paused, gathering his thoughts.


    Alex swallowed. Something about thatand the way Baelin had said it made him deeply ufortable. He thought about The Mark and how it didnt register swatting insects asbat. The way Baelin talked, it was almostsimr. Like the death of most was beneath his notice.


    Except, he wasnt talking about insects, he was talking about people. It seemed a pretty alien way of looking at things


    Then again, how else <em>could </em>he look at it? Alex considered. If you live long enough to see entire kingdoms rise and fall, what <em>is</em> a mortals life to you?


    He quickly put those thoughts from his mind as Baelin started to speak again.


    The ancient wizard mused. You are not the first to ask me this question, you know. Many students who havee before you have sought me out with such burdens on their minds: striking down another person is not a simple<strong></strong>undertaking. Did you know that armies spend much of their initial training in curbing most peoples natural inclination to not kill another person?


    Really? Alex shifted in his chair. I thought it was all justthrusting spears and marching and stuff.


    Oh, my, no. Baelin shook his head. In many societiessuch as n societies that earn their fortune through raiding other nsbattle and killing bes natural, for it is part of their culture from the time they are born. It is easier for people to engage themselves in armed-struggle when they know they have their deities edict and a nice reward awaiting them in the afterworld. Some deities even reward <em>only</em> those who die in battle for this very reason.


    they sound like cruel deities.


    Many are. Many are. In other realms, thoughmore agricultural ones where theirnds are safethe only thing a peasant-levy or new-recruit may have ughtered are chickens, pigs or cows. For some born with a silver spoonlike those from mercantile housesthey would have perhaps only engaged in no more than the asional hunt for sport. And generally, most people do not seek to kill others under normal circumstances.


    He gestured in the air, creating an illusion of a miniature soldier in blue armournorger than a pinky nailhovering over one end of his desk and gripping a tiny crossbow. Another soldier wearing red armour appeared on the other side of the desk, with a spear in his hand.


    The first soldier winced then reacted by levelling his crossbow at his opponent as he appeared. At thest instant, he jerked his weapon up and fired: the bolt soared through the air andnded harmlessly in a pile of papers.


    See this? Baelin pointed at the little soldier. This is a rathermon urrence on battlefields filled with new recruits. In the chaos ofbatamong hundreds of your fellowsit is easy to purposefully miss an opponent standing one hundred yards away. Who is to know? If both sides did this, war would be a fairly bloodless affair, would it not? But, ah, observe.


    He pointed back down at his desk.


    Alex watched as the soldier in red dropped his spear, hoisted a crossbow to his shoulder and fired a bolt. The shot streaked across the desk and mmed straight into the blue soldier, who copsed in a heap. The red soldiers expression didnt change at all.


    And this is what happens if one side of a battle consists of soldiers who are not prepared to y their foesbut the other ispletely ready to, the chancellor said. Hence whyin realms with advanced military sciencepeople are made to numb their aversion to killing. Usually, officers spend a great deal of time painting the realms enemies as something less than people. There is a reason the Irtyshenans expound the view that only they possess <em>true</em> civilization while all others outside of their reach are considered barbarians or monsters. It aids in their lust for conquering.


    He sighed. In the first iterations of The Art of the Wizard in Combat I actually held sses that specifically pitted students against other people: criminals who were awaiting execution, to be precise.


    That chilled Alexs blood.


    Baelin sighed. But, s, the universitys ethicsmittee deemed it too mentally damaging for the students. In some ways I agree, there were a few students wholost their zeal for wizardry afterward. But, the sad truth is that when you walk this path long enough, eventually someone <em>will</em> try to kill you. Perhaps if you live a hermits lifergely in istion and die from natural causes, you might avoid it, but if you are active in your wizardry and out in the world, and if you find ways to live long enough, I guarantee that someone will want you dead.


    Alex paused at that. yeah, I guess.


    And to answer your original question: I drew blood <em>very</em> early in my life. Things were very different and vastly harder back then. Territory was valuable, and if herds of deer that your tribe relied on for meat wandered into another tribes territory, then deadly conflict would result. He raised his hands. I am afraid these hands knew the feel of blood before they knew the caress of magic. So it was different for me. I cannot quite remember what my mind did to me the first time I killed someone. Perhapsthat memory is lost to me on purpose. In any case, if the notion of killing another person diforts you, then avoid it while you can. But be prepared.


    He rose up in his chair. Use the clever mind that we wizards possess to predict and avoid such conflicts, or find ways to be powerful enough that most cannot easily harm you: mercy is the privilege of the strong, after all. And there can be much merit in not killing everyone that seeks conflict with you. Tends to provide you with more friends and allies. Butif and when therees a time when another seeks to do you irreparable harmthen do not hesitate. Not even for an instant. Because if you do, and they do not


    He nced down at the soldier in red armour, still floating over his desk. Well, I think you can gather my point.


    Alex gulped. Yeah, I get itthanks, Baelin. For what its worth, I think the world needs perspectives like yours. Helps us to not forget things.


    The chancellorughed. What you just said is one of the kindest things you can say to an elderly person. Too many think our perspectives are unworthy once we rise past a certain measure of years. Even for one such as I. You-


    <em>Thmp. Thmp. Thmp.</em>


    Baelin? a young voice asked. Are you there?


    Ah, Baelin said. -but I am lucky enough that the young still seek me out. That will be one of my other students. Now off you go, and put those thoughts of blood and darkness out of your head for now: you gained victory over a foe. You have debriefed what could have gone awry, you are unharmed and so, it is now time to celebrate and not ruminate.


    RightIll keep that in mind, Alex said. Thank you.


    Alex was walking through the hallwith ygons footsteps thumping behind himwhen his mind drifted back to what Baelin had said about old perspectives. He wondered what it might have been like for The Traveller, or other Heroes whod survived long enough to live through a second cycle of the Ravener.


    From what the church school had taught, it was a rare urrence: most of the folk in Thamnd were human or from races with simr lifespans, and so Heroes surviving a full hundred years to be around for a second cycle had only urred a handful of times in recorded history. In most of those cases, they had aided the new generation of Heroes in their quest. Some had died in the effortlike The Travellerand some survived the second conflict.


    He thought about his own futurehis far future.


    Theresa was fully engaged in life enforcement, and that practice naturally extended a persons life. If things went well and hewell, he and she got married, hed pretty much <em>have</em> to find ways to extend his own life so that he wouldnt die decades before her.


    That would mean, though, that he could quite possibly live long enough to see another Raveners cycle, if they didnt find a way to permanently break it this time, that is. What would be happening then? Would his homnd know about him and The Mark?


    Would the people of Thamnd want anything to do with him, even if he did want to give help to a new generation of Heroes? Would he want anything to do with them?


    He put those thoughts away.


    There were more immediate things to worry about.


    It was time to get Selinas gift built and ready, he had to get more information about these Games of Roal, and he needed to keep pushing through the spells he was learning over the summer. Then there were his official courses to think about.


    And finally, Theresas parents would be arriving in a few mornings. Plenty to actually do, and not a lot of time for hypotheticals.


    But, it was gonna be hard not to think about Baelins meeting with the king of Thamnd.


    That meeting would decide the fate of the expedition.