Regret


    From the tone of his voice, I knew that he felt sorry for me. I appreciated that but that didn’t help open


    this door!


    “Luka! Open the door! Please! Please open the door…” I wailed while crying.


    My whole body shook with the strength of my own sobs. My voice cracked and I found it hard to


    breathe; however, that didn’t keep me from beating my hands against the door. Luka didn’t respond but


    I knew that he was still standing there in front of the door.


    “Luka…please…” I begged.


    Luka just said that he’s not sure if Hayden can make it to see me tomorrow. Doesn’t that mean that


    he’s hurt badly? He’s going to be stuck in the hospital, right?


    “I’ll let Hayden know that you wish to see him,” Luka said tly.


    “Wait! Luka! Luka!” I yelled loudly.


    Luka didn’t reply again, and I knew that he was no longer on the other side of the door.


    Although I knew that Luka had left, I continued to bang on the door as more tears streamed down my


    cheek. Why is this happening now of all times?!


    After screaming my head off for the men in ck to let met out of the door without any result, I resigned


    to my fate and headed for the sofa to gather myself.


    I went through a lot of tissue to wipe my tears and blow my nose. It was getting challenging to breathe


    because I couldn’t stop crying. I sighed loudly and covered my eyes with my hands as I thought about


    how worried I was about Hayden. Luka said that the ident wasn’t serious, but I couldn’t be sure until


    I could see him with my own eyes. I’m was worried sick about him…


    Laying down on the long sofa, I felt terrible for what I’ve done and hadn’t done. This is such a mess, if I


    knew that thing would turn out this way, I should have talked to Hayden properly yesterday. Why didn’t I


    do that? What was I thinking? This feeling that felt like a void inside my stomach is probably called


    regret.


    It was one of the saddest things ever that I needed an ident to remind me and make me realize how


    I felt. I should have figured out my own feelings sooner. I bit my lower lip as I forced myself to stand up


    from the sofa. Knowing well now that I couldn’t go back to change the past, all I could do was act on


    securing a better future and that must start now.


    It waste at night and the art studio was pitch ck in the darkness. Reaching out my hand along the


    wall, I found the light switch and turned on the lights. Flights flooded the studio, and my attention was


    immediately on the painting that I had painted earlier in the day. I took the few steps that was required


    to bring myself in front of the painting. My legs still shook with every step that I took.


    I felt tears forming in my eyes and quickly blinked to clear them away. It never urred to me when I


    Còntens bel0ngs to N?(v)elDr/a/ma.Org


    was painting this painting that I was painting it for me rather than for Hayden. White tulips symbolize


    forgiveness. At first, I thought I painted this painted because I wanted to tell Hayden that I had decided


    to forgive him for locking me up in here. Just so that we could talk things out ande to an


    understanding. However, the void I felt inside of me right now told a very different story…


    Who has to forgive who now, I wonder? If I simply apologize for my selfishness and foolishness, will he


    forgive me?


    I wasn’t sure if the paint hadpletely dried or not, but I didn’t care anymore. Without hesitation, I


    reached out for a ck piece of fabric and quickly tossed it over the canvas topletely cover it.


    Hopefully, along with it, I can cover up my past mistakes and the associated regret and shame.


    Although I knew that I probably couldn’t fall asleep, I got into the bed anyways. When tomorrow


    morning arrives, Auntie wille to see me. Maybe I can beg her to help me then or at least, she


    should have some news for me about Hayden’s condition. I prayed that Luka wasn’t lying when he told


    me that Hayden was fine…whatever fine meant.


    I nced over at the only light in my bedroom that came from my phone’s screen. The name on the


    screen read Hayden but the call refused to connect no matter how many times I tried. If he was in an


    ident, he should have called me to let me know that he was fine. Just how difficult is that? I just


    needed to hear his voice and hear it from him that he was fine.


    Havingpletely lost count of the times I called him without any sess, I closed my eyes to rest


    them. The adrenaline rush of rushing throughpleting the painting from earlier today was getting to


    me on top of everything else. My body and mind felt tired, and my spirit felt bruised and battered.


    …


    I don’t know when and how it happened, but I must have fallen asleep at some point while waiting for


    my line to connect with Hayden’s. My mind felt hazy from exhaustion, emotional stress, and sleep


    deprivation so I wasn’t sure if I had imagined the whole thing when I felt a presence close to me. Even


    when I felt the mattress of the bed shift beneath me, I still wasn’t sure if someone else had just ced


    their weight on my bed or if it was just my stupid imagination.


    “Hmm…Hay…den…” I whispered drowsily as I shifted on the bed.


    By that time, I was wholly convinced that sleep was just ying tricks on me. Hayden’s in the hospital


    somewhere so there was no way that he could be here…right?


    But what if…


    “Hayden!” I woke up with a loud scream as I bolted upright into a sitting position on the bed.


    --To be continued…