Chapter 9: Ch.8/ Broken Princess
Anupama''s POV:-
Do you ever feel like that your life is not worth living? Do you ever think that you are the real reason
behind everyone''s sorrow? Do you ever see so much hate in other people''s eyes that you want to kill
yourself?
I did and still have the same feeling about myself. I am the reason that my mother is not with us
anymore. I am the reason why Baba has be so distant with everyone and also I am the one who
brings misfortune to this family. I am not worth living but I am so much of a coward to take my own life
by myself so like always I will go with the flow to see how much more is there to witness in the future.
It''s not like that anything can change in a span of time because it''s me we are talking about who has
never gotten her father''s love or appreciation for a second in her life.
From childhood onwards, I have been trying to remove the tag of worthless from my head but it seems
like every time I fail to do that. I have always tried my best to make everyone happy yet there is
something where I amcking behind. However, this time I will be doing the right thing to bring
happiness in my father''s life. I know how much hispany means to him so if by sacrificing myself
can bring bliss for him, then I am ready to do that. I just hope that now I can have a little ce in his
heart.
It''s been already four days since Baba has announced my marriage with Mr. Bianchi which will be
happening in the uing week. Today is Bijaya Dashami, the day when Goddess Durga will be
returning to her house with her kids. It is also the end of this festival so every one of us is very
emotional and with the moist eyes, we are preparing for the day. Apart from that, the news of my
marriage has already been dered to our rtives and neighbors and everyone hase to
congratte me on my new life. Although every one of us has a smile on our faces to show our
happiness but in reality, there is nothing to be happy and I know it very well.
"Anue help me," Mamoni calls out to me breaking me from my chains of thoughts. I hurriedly go to
her and see that she is having trouble with preparing Khichuri (Hotchpotch) which will be served today
to all the guests.
"Let me cook it Mamoni. You go and get ready. Thedies have started toe for the sindoor kh.
Thakurmaa will be angry if you don''t get ready in time." I tell her taking thedle from her hand. She
tries to protest but one look from me and she is out of there.
A few momentster the Khichuri is ready so I start to make Gurer Payesh ( Rice pudding with jaggery)
and Labra (mix vegetable curry). After making all the dishes I ask the maids to serve them when
Thakurmaa would say. After that, I reach the pandal where everyone is busy ying Sindoor Kh
which is a tradition to put sindoor (vermilion) on each other face on the morning of Bijaya Dashami.
One of the auntiese towards me to put sindoor on my face but I hold her hand. Everyone is
shocked seeing what I have done but how can I let someone put sindoor on me after what had
happened with me.
"She is not married yet Lolita didi. Then why are you putting sindoor on her face?" Mamoni asks
yfully trying to ease the tension.
"So what Mausumi? She will be married in a week so she can y with us." Saying this she puts a
handful of sindoor on my face while all thedies start tough. I feel tears start toe out of my eyes
so I run towards my room ignoring all the calling of others. I lock the door of my room and get inside the
bathroom before turning on the shower. I start to rub my face with both hands trying to get rid of the
sindoor.
"I need to get this off from me. It''s not for me. I am a nuisance who doesn''t deserve this holy thing." I
mumble myself while putting some shower gel on a lofa before rubbing it all over my face and neck.
Tears and the red color has already mixed but I don''t care. When I feel like my skin is burning from all
the rubbing, that''s when I stop. After putting on fresh clothes Ie out of the bathroom to see that
Riya is sitting on my bed. I get startled by seeing her here because she nevere here without the
intention of hurting me.
"Come sit beside me, baby sis." She says sweetly but I know there is nothing sweet in her. Yet, I sit
beside her. She looks at me for some time before nodding her head which confuse me not knowing
what is going on her mind.
"I want you to go to Boro mama and tell him that you don''t want to marry Mr. Bianchi." She orders me.
"But how can I do that? I never go against Baba''s wish and if I don''t get married to Mr. Bianchi then
Baba will lose hispany." I tries to reason with her but she only res at me angrily.
"So you will not listen to me? That means you will marry the person who is mine?" She asks furiously. I
lower my head in answer because I don''t have any other choice and I can''t fulfill her wish this time.
"Okay fine. Then I think you should also be separated from the person who you love the most." She
doesn''t wait for any reply before storming out of the room. I try to stop her because I don''t know what
she is nning to do. I run behind her but I see that she is going to the pandal so I don''t go after her
because I didn''t want to face anyone after what has happened sometime back.
I an feeding Advira her food in my room when I hear Thakurmaa''s voice, she is calling for me. So I put
the te on the nearby table before putting pillows around her for safety purposes. Again, I hear my
name being called so I immediately reach downstairs because I don''t want Thakurmaa to get angry
with me. When I get there, I see that everyone is already present. Jasmine di is also there looking
confused because she only has gone to her home a few hours back.
"Why did youete haa? I have been calling you for so long." Thakurmaa snaps at me. I visibly
flinch by seeing the anger in her eyes. Although she don''t let me answer before asking me about
Advira which shock me because she never likes to talk about her.
"She is in my room," I replies timidly.
"Riya you go and get that girl." My head snaps towards Riya hearing Thakurmaa''s words.
"Why?" I can''t help but ask aloud while looking frantically at everyone but no one seem to know what is
going on.
"How dare you question me? You just keep your mouth close. Riya go and get her." Thakurmaa replies
harshly. Riya gives me a cruel smirk before she get out of there.
"What''s happening in here Maa?" Baba asks.
"You have told us your decision and now it''s my turn to take an important decision for my family,"
Thakurmaa replies. My hands start to sweat in dread because I have a feeling that there will not be
anything good about her decision. I hear my baby crying while Riyae back, I tries to take her but
Thakurmaa stops me by raising her hand.
"Riya give the child to Jasmine," Thkurmaa orders and Riya put Advira in Jasmine di''s arms who is still
confused like us.
"Jasmine you have requested Anupama to take care of this child and I let her stay here with us per
your wish. But now Anupama is getting married so I don''t think it will be appropriate for her to take care
of a child who is not her by blood. That''s why I want you to make a choice. You take away this child
with you or I will have someonee from the orphanage to take her." I feel like someone has pped
me hard in the face to wake me up from the horrible dream I am having. But it''s not just a dream, it''s
the reality.
"Are you crazy didon? Boro mama is already marrying her with someone whom she doesn''t know and
now you are saying that Advira can''t stay with her." Dadabhai yells.
"Yes, Maa you can''t do this. We all know how much Advira means to our Anu, how can you be so cruel
Maa?" Kakai asks.
"I have already taken the decision and I will not change it at all. This is my house and I am not going to
give any exnation to anyone." Thakurmaa replies while looking at everyone. Advira is still crying but
I am helpless because I can''t do anything for her. I can only cry because I know from the start that I
could never keep her forever in my life.
"But didon I -" Jasmine di tries to say something but Thakurmaa doesn''t let her.
"You are taking her with you or not?" Thakurmaa asks impatiently. Jasmine di looks at me and I nod my
head while silently crying.
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"I will take Advira with me." She replies with a sad sigh.
"Good, then take her away right now. I don''t want Anupama to have any contact with this baby
anymore so don''t try to get smart with me." Thest hope I have to see my baby again is broken at that
moment.
************
There are only two days left for my wedding but like other brides, I am not feeling any happiness
because the pang of separation from Advira is bing unbearable day by day. Thest time I have
seen her was the day of Dashami and that''s already four days ago. It seems like nothing is left for me
to live anymore, I have be a living corpse who only know how to obey others. The most precious
thing in my life, my Advira is no longer with me. I am missing her touch, her adorable smile, her
babylike smell, her hugs. I have never thought that to fulfill my father''s wish I have to sacrifice my
Advira, my daughter. She may not be my blood but from the moment Jasmine di had put her in my
arms, she has be my own daughter. But now I can''t even hear her voice because Riya doesn''t
leave any path for me. She has sessfully convinced Thakurmaa that I should not have a phone
because then I will be trying to contact Jasmine Di. That''s why I don''t have my phone and also
Thakurmaa has ordered everyone not to help me.
On the other hand, Mr. Bianchi has told that the marriage will be a simple court marriage because he
doesn''t have time to perform any ritual. Neither Thakurmaa nor Mamoni is happy hearing that but Baba
also wants the same as Mr. Bianchi so there will be a grand party where we will sign on the marriage
certificate to get married. I don''t even know if I should call it a marriage or not, Because marriage is a
sacred bond between two souls who promise to be each other''s backbone till the end. But I don''t think I
will ever have that bond with someone else, not even my husband whom I don''t have any idea about.
"Doll," Kakai calls me.
"Yes, Kakai?" I asks him while getting up from my bed. He is standing in the doorway of my room.
"Are you busy?" Kakai asks me.
"Hmmm, no. I am just reading a book. Do you need something Kakai?" I ce the book in the little
bookshelf I have in the room.
"Here, take this." I see that he is giving me some paper so I curiously take it from him and open it to
see that it''s a painting of mine and Advira. My Kakai is a well-known painter and he has drawn a lot of
pictures for me.
"Kakai this is.." I don''t even know what to say. He put his hand on my shoulder in aforting manner
and wipe my tears which has be my best friend.
"You don''t have to say anything. What Maa has done, is unimaginable but I can''t see you always crying
over Advira. No matter what, we all believe she is your daughter. Your Kakai is a failure to be your
Knight in shining armor. Please forgive me doll." Kakai''s voice cracks but he doesn''t cry.
"You are not at fault Kakai. Everything is my destiny. So please don''t think that you have failed. You
and Mamoni are my parents who have been taking care of me from the start. You guys are my
inspiration to do better at everything." I replies while looking at the man who is my uncle but has
be a more father than my own father.
After Kakai leave I move near the window to look at the night sky which is covered in dark clouds. I
take my diary from the shelf and open a particr page where I have drawn the face of someone. I run
my fingers through the drawing but like always shut the diary afterward. It''s been so long but still, I can''t
forget a thing, and I don''t think I want to forget anything.