Frankie


    Present


    I tossed my keys onto the kitchen counter as I sifted through my mail. As usual, nothing but bills. I started pulling off my clothes as I headed towards my bedroom. I needed to catch up on some quality Netflix time, and the only way to binge watch was to do so on the couch wearing sweats.


    I pulled my favorite pair of leggings out of the drawer and wiggled them on. Walking over to my vanity I thumbed my favorite hoodie. It was old and brought back memories better left in the past, but it always made me feel safe. After the way I’d been feeling today, I needed a littlefort.


    On my way out of the room something caught my eye. I stepped closer to my dresser and picked up the framed picture that had beenying facedown.


    That’s weird.


    It must have fallen over somehow. I stared at the picture for a minute, remembering a time when things were a lot lessplicated. It was a picture of me, Enzo and Eddie from when we were little kids. I’d always loved this picture, even when I was a little girl. I was squished between the two boys. Enzo and I were looking at each other andughing and Eddie was ring off to the side with his arms crossed in front of him. I couldn’t remember why he was mad, but it was so like him to be pissy about something or other. I ced the frame back on the dresser with a sigh.


    Why do I torment myself like this?


    I wandered into the kitchen, grabbed a pint of ice cream, and settled on the couch for my nightly ritual of Netflix bingeing. Instead of paying attention to the TV, I found myself drifting into old memories.


    Age 14


    12 years earlier…


    “Why do you have to go? Why can’t you stay?” I cried, clinging to Enzo’s sweatshirt.


    “Franny, we’ve been over this,” Enzo said softly, taking my face in his hands and raising my head so he could look me in the eye.


    “But what if you get hurt?” I asked desperately. Enzo sighed, brushing away my tears with his thumbs.


    “Nothing is going to happen to me, okay? It’s only eighteen months, I’ll be back before you know it.”


    “That’s a long time!” I wailed, wrapping my arms tight around his waist and burrowing my face in his chest.


    Enzo’s arms came around me and he held me tight. I always felt safe when I was with him and I felt especially safe when he held me. “Shh. Franny, it’s going to be all right. I promise,” he said rubbing my back soothingly.


    “Enzo, darling. It’s time,” Marce, Enzo’s mother, reminded him softly.


    He pulled back and took my face in his hands once again. “Hey, have I ever broken a promise to you?” he asked gently.


    “N-No,” I hupped. He hadn’t-not once. Enzo always kept his promises no matter what. He was the only one I could rely on. Even Eddie broke promises to me.


    “I’ll be back. I promise. Now I need you to promise me something. Can you do that?” he asked, his eyes imploring me to agree. I nodded, but kept my mouth closed. I was afraid I’d start sobbing again if I tried to talk. “I need you to promise me that you’ll stay safe. Eddie’s got your back if you need it, but be smart. I need you to be safe,” he repeated. “Okay?”


    I sniffed and nodded again. “Okay,” I croaked.


    “Good girl,” he said and kissed my forehead before releasing me. I shivered as a cold breeze hit my bare arms. Enzo noticed and unzipped his hoodie. “Here,” he said, offering it to me. I took it and shrugged it on. It smelled like him, and I immediately feltforted.


    We were standing outside saying our goodbyes before Enzo’s mother drove him to the airport to report for boot camp. I tried to keep the tears at bay as I watched him embrace my mother and his aunt. He gave Eddie a half handshake, half hug. He said something to Eddie when they pulled away, but the wind caught his words before I could hear what it was.


    Eddie just nodded his head once with a pissed off look on his face. He’d been in a permanently foul mood ever since Enzo had announced he’d enlisted in the Marines three months ago. I was upset, but Eddie was furious. Every time I tried to talk to him about Enzo leaving, he’d get pissed and leave the room. I wasn’t sure why he was so angry, but I guessed it was just his way of dealing with it.


    Eddie, his mother Rosa, my mother udia, and I headed inside the house after waving Enzo and Marce off. Rosa had moved in with Marce after Eddie’s father took off when she was still pregnant. It was just Marce and Enzo since Enzo’s father had died in a car ident the year before. They’d lived together ever since, raising Enzo and Eddie more like brothers than cousins.


    I settled myself on the couch and curled up, wrapping Enzo’s hoodie around me. I felt miserable, like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest. My best friend was on his way to start one of the most dangerous jobs in the world and pretty soon he’d be shipped off to a war zone.Material ? of N?velDrama.Org.


    He’d exined why he thought it was the only option, and just because I understood it didn’t mean I had to like it. His mother cleaned houses for a living and had been diagnosedst year with arthritis which meant she wasn’t going to be able to continue manualbor for long. Enzo needed to find a way to support his family, and the military was the best option for an 18-year-old. The sign up bonus alone was enough to help pay some of the past-due bills and help supplement his mother’s ie so she could afford to cut back on her hours.


    I kept telling myself over and over that it was the only way and he’d be fine. Enzo was strong; he was the strongest person I knew. He’d be okay, he had to be okay.


    “Stop fucking crying,” Eddie hissed from above me.


    I lifted my head from my arms and looked up at him. He’d never talked to me like that before-ever. “W-what?” I asked, bewildered.


    “I said,” Eddie gritted out, “stop fucking crying. Don’t be so selfish. If you’re still blubbering like a little baby when Marce gets back, it’s just going to upset her more. She’s the reason he’s doing this in the first ce. Imagine how she feels. Do you want her to feel worse?”


    Hot tears cascaded down my cheeks. “No, I’m sorry- ”


    “Don’t be sorry, just stop crying,” Eddie said fiercely. “And I don’t just mean for today. Every time you talk about him and cry about the fact that he’s gone it’s going to remind her. Do you want that? Do you want to remind her that it’s all her fault?”


    I shook my head and wiped my eyes with my sleeves. I didn’t want to hurt Marce. She’d always been so good to me. Eddie was right, I was being selfish. I wasn’t the only one that was losing Enzo-we all were.


    I took Eddie’s words to heart and kept my tears to myself until I was alone in my room. For 562 days, I’d turn off the light, curl up in my bed, and let my tears soak my pillow until exhaustion pulled me under. I wrote Enzo 78 letters while he was away. Every week I’d sit down and tell him everything that he’d missed.


    Almost immediately after Enzo left, Eddie started hanging out with Johnny and Emanuel. We’d gone to school with them for most of our lives, but Enzo had always made sure we stayed away from them. They’d dropped out and were running with a bunch of thugs from the neighborhood. I knew better than to go when Eddie invited me along. They were trouble. Eddie started hanging out with them more and more as the months progressed. Johnny had a car, which I guessed was part of his appeal. His cousin Juan had ‘hooked him up’-whatever that meant. Pretty soon Eddie wasing hometer andter or not at all. He was barely ever at school and he stopped going altogether after his junior year.


    Enzo was gone. Eddie had left me to fend for myself. I was on my own.


    The first day of my sophomore year was torture. Without Enzo there to stand up for me or Eddie to scare people off, I was fair game. Being small and nerdy had put a giant target on my back. The girls were catty and the boys were mean. I didn’t have any friends of my own, because I’d spent most of my time with Enzo and Eddie. I was adrift in an ocean without a life vest and I had no clue how to swim.


    I adapted though. Keeping my head down, I focused on my school work. When I wasn’t at home or doing homework, I was on myputer. My strategy of avoidance worked remarkably well, and pretty soon I was basically invisible. The hours I spent locked away in my room proved to be beneficial. I lived on message boards and in chat rooms, scouring the inte for everything I could find on hacking and programming. Eventually my hobby became my passion. I may not have had much control of the people around me, but behind my keyboard, anything was possible.