Dear Diary
Long time no see
My greeting for you that I copied from someone who always greets anyone he knows, whether it’s someone he loves or just a friend…
Long time no see
The first sentence he uttered with a smile that made my heart beat uncontrobly…
The sentence that made me understand what admiration is, since I was 13 years old…
And when was that?
Ten years ago?
I never thought that the owner of that sentence could be seen by me again now, after five years of not meeting…
Yes, not with me, because with his core family, he always meets.
It’s just me who always avoids every time I find out about his whereabouts…
Am I wrong, Diary?
Ten years of harboring feelings that initially I thought were just admiration for his handsomeness, intelligence, and humor…
He, whom I initially admired when I was just a naive little girl about what love is, only considered him as an elder brother figure that I never had.
But these ten passing years have not changed the speed of my heartbeat when he looks at me, when I gaze at him.
Until my friend made me realize that this is love…
Am I in love with him, Diary?
If the restlessness when I can’t meet him, not hearing from him, can be called love. Then yes, I think I love him…
If the unwillingness every time he gets close to a woman and smiles warmly at them is love. Then yes, I think I love him…
If every time I miss him, I cry and feel a tightness in my chest. Then yes, I think I love him…
But from the beginning, I knew I wasn’t worthy.
Didn’t he say that a girl my age would be better as his niece?
I can’t force him to see me as a woman. But I can’t stop myself from seeing him as a man I adore and desire.
Dear Diary…
If only I could turn back time to ten years ago… Is it possible if I ask my God to close my eyes so I can’t see his smile, and deafen my ears from his greetings?
Because it turns out, after ten years, the small feeling has grown so big that I’m afraid there’s no room in my heart to insert another person who might love me and whom I might love someday.
If I could ask my God, would He grant it?
I want Him to touch that person’s heart for just a moment, so he looks in my direction and realizes that all this time I’ve been waiting for him, missing him, loving him?
Oh, Owner of Hearts, forgive me for being too selfish. Loving someone I shouldn’t love.
Not because I’m unworthy, because he is very worthy of love. But because I know, for him, I am not the person who deserves it, and maybe never will be.
Oh, Owner of Hearts, if You do not allow him to realize my existence, then allow me to erase his presence from my heart. Because truly, my heart can no longer wait…
Dear Diary…
Always be a reminder of this unrequited love. Be my witness to the happiness I will achieve someday. Be the memory that will remind me that at some point, I once loved.
Loving him, the one who says the phrase “Long time no see.”
****
via noticed a foreign car in her driveway. It wasn’t actually a foreign car, but dwin’s car.
So, her uncle had decided to inform via’s parents of his return. That meant the man was rested enough and ready to be teased by via’s mother and siblings. Knowing this, via just smiled quietly to herself.
Carrying her siblings’ shopping items to the yroom, via then chose to hide in her father’s office. She had two reasons for doing so. The first reason was dwin, and the second reason was that she genuinely wanted to finish her work quickly.
via was majoring in administration at college. However, thanks to her uncle Altezza, a skilled architect, she learned how to create building designs and useputer applications widely used by talented architects today.
via had already measured the shop they were going to rent, and now she was nning its interior design before deciding on the workers who would execute it.
Her work took time, so she only came out when she needed a drink and then returned to hide behind that wide teak door.
dwin, who had been at via’s parents’ house for quite some time, was now spending time with his two little nephews. But amidst his enjoyment, he wondered where via was.
Since returning from picking up her siblings, she had been hiding in her father’s office and had not emerged again. Whether she was working or spending her time reading her favorite romance novels, dwin couldn’t tell.
It wasn’t until the evening that dwin saw the girle out, and even then, it was only for a few seconds. She still seemed to be wearing the same clothes that dwin had glimpsed when she ced the groceries. Whether this was just his feeling or not, dwin felt like via was avoiding him.
And that was indeed the truth. via was intentionally avoiding the man. Even though yesterday she acted friendly and seemed casual, the reality was different. The feelings she had harbored for years made it impossible for her to stay close to dwin. She didn’t know how long she could continue hiding all these emotions. She was afraid that dwin would notice, even though she had tried very hard to forget him all this time.
Back when she was a teenager, if she expressed her feelings, dwin might have called what she felt a teenage crush. But now? One thing was clear; these feelings were not suitable for via to express at the moment.
via remained in her father’s office until thete afternoon. Not busy finishing her work, but spending time lost in thought. Reflecting on the past she had passed with various activities and various excuses to avoid and forget the man.
Yes, via had spent her teenage years until now with many lies. God knows how many reasons she had created to avoid family gatherings where there would always be discussions about dwin.
Countless hours wasted just sitting in silence, staring at the figure of the man she missed through his social media.
Her fingers always caressed the phone screen, and her heart always uttered the man’s name. She spent her nights daydreaming about being his girlfriend. However, she always hoped that her feelings would be eroded away someday. She hoped that time would make her forget about the man.
But in reality, none of that ever happened. The longing she tried to trim always grew thick each time. Especially when she visited her stepmother’s mother’s house. Memories of dwin, conversations about the man, made via feel even closer to him. As if the man never left. As if the man was always there with them.
via couldn’t keep avoiding or asking everyone to change the topic of conversation. But staying there and listening to their conversations about dwin was also unbearable for via. Fortunately, she had Abigail, who was always sensitive to her situation. Her friend always had a reason to make via escape from difort.
If only Abigail were a man, via was sure she would fall in love with Abigail.
A knock on the door made via snap out of her reverie. She looked up and saw her stepmother opening the door and addressing her. “It’s already toote, finish your work for now.”
via nodded awkwardly, grabbed the mouse she had been ignoring, and acted as if she were working. “Yes, Mom. Just a little more. I’ll save my work now.” via replied nervously. She really saved the file she was working on and then followed her mother.
via left her office and saw her father, siblings, and her crush sitting in the living room, watching TV and chatting casually. She approached her father and kissed his forehead as a habit.
“How’s everything? Is it all done?” her father inquired.
“Fifty percent done, Dad,” via replied candidly, and her father nodded. “I’m going to take a shower first.” She excused herself, her father responding with a nod. She tried her best not to nce at dwin, fearing she wouldn’t be able to hide her admiration for him.
Trying not to run, via walked quickly to her room. Instead of heading to the bathroom to freshen up, she sat on her bed, rubbed her chest, and took a slow breath.
Oh my, just a fleeting nce, and her heart was pounding so fast. What about dinnerter? via couldn’t keep bowing her head just to avoid eye contact with her uncle, right?Copyright N?v/el/Dra/ma.Org.
via took another deep breath and exhaled slowly. ‘Whatever happens, happens,’ she whispered, reassuring herself before getting up and heading to the bathroom.
Done with her duties, via came downstairs and saw her father, uncle, and her two siblings back in front of the TV. via walked to the kitchen, approaching her mother who was preparing dinner.
“Mama, let me handle it. You’d better sit down. It’s not fair for you to get tired, considering the baby might get tired too,” via reached for the food her mother was holding and asked her to sit at the dining table.
“It’s okay. I’m just pregnant, not sick,” her mother politely declined, but via shook her head and insisted her mother sit quietly. Her mother was always enthusiastic whenever her twin sister returned, and via worried she might get exhausted, especially being pregnant at the age of thirty-five, which falls into the vulnerable category.
After setting the table, her mother called everyone to sit. Antony Quirino took his ce at the head of the table, with his wife ire sitting beside him. via sat to ire’s right.
On Antony’s left, dwin now sat, along with Ignazio and then Francisca, whose status as the youngest would soon be reced.
“Brother, are you moving to this city?” ire asked, looking at her twin sister in curiosity. via could see from the corner of her eye as dwin nodded in response. “Which hospital?” dwin mentioned the name of one of the renowned hospitals in their city, and it made via look up and gaze at her uncle in disbelief.
Was this just a coincidence? How could her uncle work at a hospital located quite close to the location of the new cafe via rented?
Of course, it was a coincidence. It couldn’t have been nned. Because if that were the case, the fire that urred in her cafe might have been intentional. via strongly rejected that idea.
“It seems fate won’t run away, huh?” ire said enthusiastically, making via tense instantly. “Later, when you officially start working, don’t forget to invite your friends to visit Via’s cafe.”
“Do I get amission for that?” dwin asked mischievously, ncing at via.
“Sure, yes, right, honey?” ire nudged via, who responded with her small smile.
via’s silence during the remaining dinner time wasn’t unusual for her family. They understood her character, so they didn’t force her to be part of the conversation. Especially with the current issue at the cafe, they didn’t want to burden via even more.
After finishing washing the dishes, via excused herself again and hid in her room. Once again, using work as an excuse. No one objected, and via was grateful for that understanding.
As via left, dwin looked at his younger sister with a worried expression. “Is via okay? She seems to be working too hard.”
ire only smiled sadly but answered with a nod. It’s not that she wasn’t aware of her stepdaughter’s feelings or disregarding her daughter’s hardships. via was the type of girl who didn’t want to inconvenience others and disliked having her affairs meddled with by others. So, as a mother, ire just tried to understand her daughter’s wishes because if via really wanted help, she wouldn’t hesitate to ask for it.
“She’s okay, Brother. If she can’t handle it, she’ll ask for help.” ire tried to reassure. dwin didn’tment much. Even though he felt anxious, he knew he couldn’t do much to help.
“Is it true she’s been arranged for marriage?” The question made ire raise an eyebrow in surprise. “Abby said Grandpa and Granny arranged her with someone.” He added with a more assertive tone.
ire lifted the corner of her mouth. “Not arranged, just… casually asked them to get to know each other. If they happen to click, great. If not, they won’t force it.”
“It still sounds forceful.” dwinmented curtly. “As if via can’t find her future husband herself. Besides, via is still young, she has plenty of time.”
“Not forceful, Brother. via herself once told me she wanted to get married at a young age. But how can she get married young if she’s too focused on work and school?” ire defended herself. “Besides, Eijaz is a good person. His character is unquestionable. He’s polite, friendly, and caring. He’spatible with via. Right, Honey?” ire looked at her husband. Antony nodded in agreement. “What about you? Getting old but stillfortable being alone. No interest in getting married or having kids like me?”
dwin grinned. It’s not that he didn’t want to get married or have kids. It’s just… “I haven’t found the right one yet.” He answered shortly.
“That’s why you shouldn’t keep hanging out with books all the time.” ire responded again.
“Honey, please mind yournguage.” Antony reprimanded, ncing at Ignazio and Francisca, who were also there. Even though both were engrossed in their respective toys.
“Sorry..” ire whispered with her cheeky grin.