Chapter 62 GUILT


    “Are they Pierce and Penny Quinlyn Cabello that I know?” I asked Quen when we were the only


    ones left in the room.


    When nodded his head. “I went to their wake as your representative. I saw Penelope there.”


    I was not able to talk not great after hearing what he just said.


    I am sure that my Quinn is devastated by the loss of her parents. I know how much she loves her


    parents.


    And now that they are gone, I can’t imagine how she will be able to cope up with this. And how will


    she ept the fact that I am the reason why she lost her parents.


    “How is she?” The only thing I said.


    Quen heaved a sigh. “I guess she is coping up well. It was her graduation day when it happened.


    She was about to give her speech at her graduation because she graduated as summa cumude


    when she received a call that her parents had an ident and were dead on arrival.”


    “She was able to finish her speech and went straight to the hospital to see their parents. As per the


    people there, Penelope never shed tears on them.“ Quen added.


    “She is not coping up well,” I said.


    Quen''s forehead creased. “What do you mean? I saw her myself in the wake, she was handling her


    well.”


    I look at Quen intently. “But she never shed a tear you said, right?”


    Quen nodded but looks confused.


    “Then she was not alright. She was emotionally numb and that is not healthy for her.” I told Quen.


    Quen looks more confused by my answer.


    “I read it once in an article online about being emotionally numb when you suddenly lose someone


    you love,” I exined to him.


    “It may seem like a normal reaction to someone who loses someone unexpectedly but still, it is


    important to make sure that the person can grieve well. It involves understanding and processing


    the loss.” I added.


    “If my Quinn will not be able to grieve properly, then she might lead to acute depression, anxiety,


    self-me, and many more.”


    Thinking those things makes me worried about her.


    I started to remove all things that the hospital put in my body.


    “What are you doing?” Quen started to panic.


    “I need to see my Quinn! She needs me! She needs my help!” I told him while I continue to remove


    all the apparatus in my body.


    Quen presses the emergency button. “You need to calm down bro. You need to take a rest. You just


    woke up from aa. You can do that after you arepletely healed.”


    I shake my head. “No! I can’t wait anymore! I have been in aa for three months which only


    means that my Quinn is dealing with everything on her own. She needs me right now!”


    “How can you say that when you are the reason why her parents died? She might loathe you


    instead of needing yourfort!” Quen shouted why trying his best to stop me.


    A few minutester, a group of nurses entered my room. They all try to stop me from moving. Then I


    saw one of the nurses get a syringe and inject it on me.


    I suddenly felt dizzy and sleepy. “My Quinn! My Quinn needs me!” That is thest thing I uttered


    before everything went nk.


    When I woke up, I was alone in the room. I remember what Quen has said. He is right, when my


    Quinn found out that I am the reason why her parents died, she will surely loathe me.


    I was clearly at fault. If she decided to sue me, I will not defend myself. I will do my best to receive


    the highest punishment that I can get. I will hold justice for her.


    Then I thought of my parents. I am sure that they will not agree with me. They will do their best for


    me to win the case if my Quinn decided to sue me.


    I am afraid not because I might end up in jail but by the fact that my Quinn will never be able to


    forgive me.


    Of all people, I know how much she loves her parents. She will do everything for them.


    And I don’t know if I can ept the loathe that she will have for me. I don’t know if I even deserve


    her forgiveness. What I did is not something that people can easily forgive.


    One thing is for sure, I want her to receive the justice that she deserves.


    I remove all the apparatus in my body and I did my best to go to thefort room. When I saw the


    mirror, I gave all my strength to punch it. I ignore the bleeding in my hands.


    I need to bleed more. I said to myself.


    I pick up one of the broken sses from the mirror and cut my wrist.


    “Ulysses? Big bro?”


    I got panic when I heard Ka’s voice. I cut myself more. I was thinking of my Quinn when I am


    doing it.


    My Quinn this is for you! I will take revenge for you!


    “Brother!!!”


    ***


    “Why did he try to kill himself?” I can hear my mom’s voice.


    “Maybe because of guilt? Someone died because of him.” Karma said.


    “But it was not his fault. He doesn’t want it to happen.” My mom tried her best to defend me.


    I opened my eyes and saw a white light and white walls. I am sure that I am in a hospital. But why


    am I here? What did the hell happen?


    Têxt ? N?velDrama.Org.


    “Ulysses!” They all called my names wearing their worried face.


    I look at them full of confusion. “What happened?”


    “Seriously, you are asking us that?!” Ka said a bit pissed.


    I ignore her and look at Quen. “What happened to me? Why am I here?”


    “You tried tomit suicide,” Quen exined.


    My forehead creased. “Why will I do that? And how long am I here?”


    Quen exined to me about my ident and my suicide attempt, While my parents ask for my


    doctor.


    I don’t remember anything from the ident and even my suicide attempt. They told me that maybe


    I was too guilty because someone died during the ident that I was involved with.


    They did not give me all the details. I look at Quen and I feel like he is hiding something.


    End of shback


    ***


    When I woke up, I was already in the hospital.


    I only saw Quen in my room. I feel like I am in Deja Vu.


    “I finally understand why you kept me in the dark for all these years,” I told Quen while looking at


    him intently.


    “You remembered,” Quen said while his eyes widen.


    I nodded at him. “Yes. I remember everything. I don''t know how to face Ellie anymore. Now that I


    know everything, I felt so ashamed of being happy with her when in fact I was the cause of her


    misery.”


    “I broke her heart and I even killed her parents.”


    “That was already in the past bro. Don’t let the past ruin your family.” Quen said.


    Iughed bitterly. “How can I not think about it when it involves Ellie?”


    “What done is done, bro. You can’t go back to the past. But you canpensate her now.” I can


    feel that Quen is doing his best to console me.


    “No matter what I do, I will never be able topensate for her loss,” I said to him.


    “What will you do now then? Are you going to kill yourself again as you did years ago? Think about


    your children you selfish moron!” Quen hissed.


    I shook my head. “You are right. I can’t kill myself anymore because of my children. I don’t want to


    burden Ellie more by raising our child alone.”


    “Good thinking bro.” Then Quen sighed in relief.


    “But why Ellie did not know that I was the one who killed her parents?” I asked Quen.


    “You did not kill them okay? It was an ident.” Quen said tofort me.


    I gave him a forced smile. “You don’t need tofort me. I am well aware of what happened. I know


    what I did. Just answer my question.”


    Quen just shook his head. “She did not dig into details. She did not even file a case. She just


    epted the fact that her parents died and go on with her life.”


    When I was left all alone, I can’t stop thinking about my Quinn. I don’t know how to face her without


    my guilty feeling.


    Ellie didn’t even try to give justice to her parents. She just epted everything. How lonely can she


    be?


    Ellie’s decision made me feel even more guilty.


    ***


    “How are you feeling?”


    I was weed by Ellie’s voice and worried face when I woke up.


    I look at her. I am trying to memorize her face because I don’t know if I will have this kind of


    opportunity again.


    “Hey, why are you not answering me? Are you okay? Do you want me to call for a doctor?” Ellie


    started to panic.


    She was about to call for a doctor when I grab her hand and stop her.


    “Don’t call them. I am fine.” I told her.


    Ellie turned to me and brush my hair. I close my eyes while feeling her touch.


    “Are you sure?” Ellie said full of concern.


    I can’t take it anymore. I tried my best to stand.


    I saw Ellie panic. “What are you doing?”


    I ignore Ellie and I continue to remove the dextrose and started to kneel in front of her.


    “I’m sorry Ellie! I’m sorry my Quinn! It was all my fault! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I said repeatedly.


    “What are you saying? Can you calm down first?!”


    I look at her, still kneeling in front of her. “I was the one who killed your parents. I was the one who


    causes the ident.”