Chapter 18: The Confused Mind


    Idri First Person


    Simon would not talk to me about anything but business. He always stays angry and irritated. He is a


    brother to me and I expect him to be next to me during this confused period of mine. I decided to meet


    Dori over lunch from time to time. I just wanted to talk more just to clear my head. I was feeling guilty


    for making her wait and I did not even dere that the breakup was official. This is the biggest


    misunderstanding ever in my life. I am sure I have feelings for Frieze and not Dori but at the same time,


    I am aware that I owe Dori too much. I am just trying topensate and reimburse the time maybe. To


    top it all, she seems to be a changed person. She turned into a polite, kind and simple person just like


    Frieze. Maybe I got attracted to Frieze because of these ‘my type’ qualities.


    Did I say attraction?


    Well yeah!


    At Simon’s wedding party, I was mad attracted to her. I wanted to get closer to her and know more


    about her. It was love at first sight. She indeed helped me forget Dori and made me realize how wrong I


    was to date Dori. I tried to win Frieze’s heart for two long years while Dori tried to win my heart while


    she was in a rtionship with me.


    Arghh!


    What goes around,e around ehhh?


    Now, I could feel the mindful state of Dori. How I ran after Frieze is the same way Dori ran after me. I


    should had appreciated years back just the way Frieze did. I don’t love Dori but it is not that I have


    forgotten the fact that she was always around me just to spend time with me. All I did was ignore her


    and set myself always busy with my work. I hurt her so much and I did not even try to look for her when


    she said it was over. I should had talk things through and even break up mutually at least through a


    thorough discussion. But, like a loyal woman, she still waited for me to look for her and turn up.


    What did I do instead? Started spending time with Frieze trying to win her heart. I fooled Frieze and I


    fooled myself too. I was attracted to her as I never saw someone this pretty. I think I got mesmerized by


    her beauty and so I wanted her. Also, Frieze is really sassy and smart. She is intelligent and


    understand me before even Iplete speaking all my feelings out. Maybe I thought the best friend


    rtion we had could turn into a love rtionship. These thoughts grew stronger that I used Frieze just


    like a recement and I was old enough to get married. I wanted to marry a good girl and she was the


    only one I could find. Dori molded herself all this time waiting for me and here I am settled with another


    woman while I kept her waiting. I feel guilt and sorry for Dori.


    Frieze will surely be heartbroken when I will tell her about my thoughts on our marriage. Will she agree


    to a divorce? How will she react to it? I am ready to give her whatever she likes. I can even give her


    fifty percent of mypany share if she would like it that way. It is just six and a half months of marital


    rtionship. It should not affect her much. We did not evenplete a year as a married couple and I


    am sure the quicker we depart, easier for her to forget me. I will not expect her to forgive me but I am


    sure she is strong enough to move on. She will also realize soon that being best friends, we loved each


    other a lot and we mistook it for love. She was always there for me even during business rted stress.


    We used to talk a lot and have been talking since we became close friends. She used to alsoe to


    Kay city to meet me and vice versa. All she did was as a best friend. We needed each other by our


    sides. The need eventually became love? I am going back to ground zero now. If I am still thinking of


    my ex-girlfriend while I analyze my rtionship with my wife, I am sure what I had for Frieze was an


    infatuation and not love. I ruined her life. I ruined Dori’s life. I am bad with rtionships and I don’t


    deserve to be in one.


    I will free Frieze and I am hopeful she will find the right man for her. She has the heart of an angel and


    any man would give her his world to her. My duty is topensate for Dori and I cannot be with Frieze


    anymore.


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    Now, I have decided. I will talk to Dori about it. She has changed a lot and she has be humble


    over these years. I think a broken heart mends everything. I will give her the best days. Once the


    divorce proceedings are clear, I will marry Dori. For Frieze, I will give her a good alimony that she could


    enjoy being at home for the rest of her life. Regarding her broken heart, I am sure she will meet


    someone in her life soon who will mend her heart as time passes. Time heals everything.


    A month has passed. I was firm about my decision to divorce my wife finally and be with Dori again.


    She epted my proposal of waiting for me until I was in love with her. I cannot get married to


    someone I don’t love. I loved Frieze but now I feel it was just an attraction and what I regret is not


    dating her for at least two years just to make sure my feelings for her were that of love. I was quick to


    marry her right after five months as lovers. Right after office, I walked directly to my parents’ room to


    tell them about my decision. They were retiring to sleep but of course disturbed by me as I always did. I


    am aware that they would not be happy with my decision that I made but I thought about it for one full


    month. I knew there would be a storm and I deserved it.