Ate’s POV:


    I was returning to my daily life all of my responsibilities, and my duties came back like riding


    a bike. My body was slowly going back at ease I found myself smiling more, and talking more.


    Still, the scars remain from everything I still look at over my shoulder. I still second–guess people


    around me. I didn’t give everything away and I watched who I spoke in front of. Part of me felt like this


    was some ugly lesson. I had to learn that not everybody was good and that dreaming up wonderful


    fantasies couldn’t protect you. I now saw the world a little darker I


    saw that horrible side of people that you want to overlook. That greediness that we all went about our


    lives sidestepping. If we didn’t look it in the eyes, it wasn’t there, right?


    I still couldn’t talk to Grayson in my mind everything that hade so easily to us now took practice


    and mindfulness. I found myself agitated that we had been set back yet again and I was frustrated he


    couldn’t tell me exactly what I needed.


    I knew this was how everybody else lived but I still hated it I wanted my rtionship back the one I


    knew where he never left me, always there, fingertips brushing infinitely.


    We were going to attempt to connect me to seraphine with a moon pool ritual, wolf disconnection


    wasn’t often heard of and the elders hadn’t ever performed this ritual. It was unnatural to be separated


    from your wolf like this. It was heinous.


    I felt like everything and changed without me, realizing it I was proud of my husband for allowing all


    these rogues and his ingenuity as well as his kindness Grace may still hide it, but he had a big heart.


    Still, even this change came with challenges, I found myself entirely jealous of the young girl who had


    taken in with her brother she was preparing for her newborn toe into the world. Enviously watching


    as she prepared her nursery, as folded nkets that she would wrap him in as she picked out onesies


    for him to wear she would get to do all those things she would get to see him in his first learning


    everything.


    I would look over at my son how big he was how to him. I was still a stranger. There were


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org: ?.


    days when I couldn’t calm him and Grayson. he knew what he liked what set him at ease. He knew


    what foods he liked and I didn’t.


    Every time I put a bottle into his mouth, it made my heart hurt. I was supposed to have done this myself


    and experienced this together instead, I felt so detached no matter what I did part of him wasn’t mine.


    I kept him with me throughout all hours of the day, trying to go over the fact that we had spent so much


    time apart. Time that was supposed to be ours, that was supposed to be cherished that was supposed


    to cement our rtionship.


    How did he feel about me when he was older? Would there always be this kind of gap between us? He


    always prefers his father.


    I would watch that young innocent who had already gone through something horrible and part of me


    would hate her because even though she had survived she still got him she got to be with him right


    away and she got to enjoy all of those moments. nobody else would touch.


    I didn’t like this part of myself this part that wanted what everybody else had this part that was so


    frustrated so agonized. It was childish it was temperamental and I had never been those things naive


    yes, foolish yes, but never wanting for things that didn’t belong to me.


    I hoped with as much time as I spent with my son, this green beast inside of me would die I would


    regain myposure and my sanity. I would act in my head the way I did in public with Grace and


    understanding. I didn’t like how petnt I thought. How greedy I was.


    I know my problems won’t all be fixed by going into the moon pool and I know Seraphine and I have


    work to do. Still, I wanted more of my old self back I wanted that connection. I always had. I wanted my


    conversations with my husband back.


    I shouldn’t be so selfish I was lucky to be back where I was to be alive I trained and I strived and I


    pushed to turn back the clock to get back I had before I went away. One Look at my son and I knew


    there were some things I couldn’t get back.


    The ugliness in myself reared its head. I wanted to kill him for what he had done to me and for what he


    had taken for me. I want to watch him die slowly from the moments that had been stripped from us


    when I was pregnant, and Grayson wasn’t there thebor I endured


    without him, the week of my son’s life, I would never see. They burn a fire in me. red, hot, and zing


    in my veins seething with every breath.


    The worst part is he wasing back one way or another. He was determined to take all of it again to


    take more. How could he possibly be entitled to more? but he saw it that way it only made the fire burn


    brighter. Thinking of him, his face, his smirk, the green envy of his eyes.


    My mind went white hot with rage.


    I wouldn’t let anything else be stripped from me, no more time with my son would be taken from me. no


    more conversations with my husband would be missed. the ease I spoke to my people and the trust I


    once had in them would not be broken again. I wouldn’t hesitate to speak to my brothers, I wouldn’t be


    frustrated with my mother, and I would never let him touch these precious corners of my life again.


    Him or the man holding his leash, I knew who the puppet was. I saw him dancing with my husband and


    his mind. A chess match being yed out, waltzing around a boxing ring, One step forward, two steps


    back.


    He, I hated most of all because he was the reason this was all continuing. If he hadn’t stepped in if he


    hadn’t stuck his fingers into our business this would’ve ended when I returned home. Instead, he dly


    jumped at the chance to get involved in his son’s life. to take away that little string of fate that was


    always tied around him to snip that loose end.


    I knew what he thought of himself; he thought he deserved the world and he wanted mine. He wanted


    my people, he wanted my time, and worst of all he wanted to take me from my son. He can’t get


    everything he wanted,e hell or high water, pain or suffering, I was going to make them pay for all


    that I had lost.


    They thought my husband was their greatest threat and I’d let them think that I’ll y their game. I’ll pit


    them against him, and I’llugh as I put their bodies in the ground.