Chapter 57


    Lucianne immediately regretted teasing and said, “I’m so sorry, Xandar. I shouldn’t have…”


    He assured her hastily, “No, baby, don’t apologize.”


    She still felt bad, “I think I should just let us finish breakfast before I ask any further


    questions.”


    He chuckled lightly before he said, “It doesn’t affect my appetite, Lucy. I just…” he ran his hand over his


    hair in frustration before saying, “I love my mother but sometimes I just wish she wasn’t so blindly loyal to


    my father.”


    Lucianne cocked her head to one side, bewildered.


    Xandar then exined, “My mother, for as long as she was alive, never went against my father’s wishes.


    What’s worse was that she would support everything he did. It felt like she never had an opinion. She


    was well-educated. Surely, she could have contributed in some way. But my father never believed in


    sharing power with his mate so he never let her touch anything concerning the affairs of the Kingdom.


    Aunt Reida would go on for hours about how my mother should insist on doing something as Queen. But


    my mother would just brush off her own sister’s concerns and advice, saying that my aunt didn’t


    understand her position. As a Queen, I don’t recall her doing anything besides standing next to my father


    and waiting to b e greeted and bowed down to. It’s just…” he sighed again, “I love her, truly. She was a


    good mother. But…honestly, why didn’t she do anything with the power she had? Why didn’t she


    question my father from time to time? I mean, not everything he did was good.”


    “Do you think she would’ve lived that long if she questioned King Lucas?” Lucianne asked.


    Xandar responded in amusement, “You’re actually defending a Queen who did close to nothing, my


    love?”


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    Lucianne pushed her empty te to the side and said, “I’m not defending her. I’m just trying t o


    understand her. She definitely loved him, maybe more than he loved her. You see, Xandar …..” She


    gathered her thoughts before uttering, “Some women woul


    please the person they fancy. Some are more than happy to lose it all if it meant that the person they are


    after would choose them.”


    Xandar’s eyebrows furrowed, “Is it even worth it? Losing yourself for the sake of going after someone


    else?”


    Lucianne scoffed, “You’re asking the wrong person, darling. I was this close to rejecting you to keep my


    life. These questions aren’t meant to be answered by a cold-blooded creature like myself.”


    He wasn’t satisfied with her response so he continued to press, “But how would you know how these


    women think and what they’re willing to give up? You’re definitely not like that.”


    She bit her bottom lip, her uneasy gaze fixed on the table between them as she uttered, “I wasn’t always


    like how I am now, Xandar. I’m not the perfect Queen you keep telling me that I am. There was…a time


    in my life when I was one of those women, especially when it came to my first mate.”


    She sighed in despair and shook her head in disapproval before continuing, “Looking back, I still can’t


    help but see how na?ve and stupid I was to think that I should try to change myself for him or for anyone


    else. And how I would get upset when I couldn’t be what he wanted met o be.” Lucianne then leaned


    towards Xandar and met his gaze before she exined, “The thing is, Xandar, when you’re bonded, you


    want to feel wanted, special and adored. When we don’t get those things, we’ll try to change something


    to get our counterpart’s attention. Your mother probably just wanted your father to be happy. And he was


    happy with her saying and doing nothing so that was what she did.”


    Xandar’s expression was hard when he stroked her hand lovingly and asked in concern,” What did you


    make yourself change for your first mate?”


    She chuckled lightly, and a smile graced her features as she said, “Well, it was a problem of m y size so I


    really couldn’t change anything, darling. I wanted to, desperately. But I couldn’t. I then start looking in


    mirrors and cry myself to sleep more and more often because of my size. Juan’s mother, Luna Janice,


    practically took Juan and I on a one-week vacation away from all the mirrors just to calm me down.


    When we got home, they even removed the full-body mirror I had in my room.”


    She chuckled again at the memory but Xandar’s face remained hard as he continued to stroke her small,


    smooth hand in slow motions. So that was why her eyes never sparked with happiness when he


    complimented her beauty.


    Seeing that Xandar was silent and serious, Lucianne added, “That was a long time ago, Xandar. It was


    one of the earlier chapters of my life. I’vee a long way since then.”


    He nted a deep kiss on her hand before his sincere lc eyes bore into her ck orbs as he said,


    “Lucy, you are beautiful. And I love you. All of you. You may not see it yet but you are a perfect Queen.


    Your past doesn’t have to be wless, baby. You are wless just by being able to make peace with it


    and grow from it.”


    She smiled politely at thepliment, and Xandar knew that it would take some time before she


    believed him. Lucianne was touched by the sincerity oozing from Xandar’s words but she figured it was


    the mate-bond messing with his head, like she was told by mate number two from the past.


    Not wanting to keep the silence between them any longer, she then said casually, “Okay, enough about


    me. Your mother, is that all? Surely, there are some happy experiences you had with her that you still


    hold close to your heart.”


    He got lost in thought, wondering which memory to pick. “Well, my favorite memories of her are when


    she brought me along to visit Aunt Reida and Christian. They even yed with us


    until we were five or six. We’d spend hours there, and I remember Christian and I throwing tantrums


    when we had to leave.” Lucianne chuckled as she pictured the cousins in the manner he described.


    Xandar then said, “But the best memory I have of her is probably when she assured me that everything


    was going to be okay no matter what. Her smile, her voice. It always calmed the storm in me.” He then


    looked at his beautiful mate across the table and said, “Like how you calm the storm in me.” He pecked a


    kiss on her hand again before adding matter-of-factly,“ But you’re better, sweetheart.”


    Lucianne looked at him in difort and disapproval as she whispered, “Don’t say that, Xandar. You


    shouldn’t even beparing the both of us, we…”


    “No, baby, just hear me out.” He leaned towards her and exined, “She calmed the storm in m e by


    always trying to shield me from the truth. She told me that things would eventually work out in my favor.


    Basically, she told me that I would get what I want even if I remained passive. But you…” he looked at


    her in awe, “You tell me that everything will be okay by assuring me that there’s a way to solve a


    problem. You remind me that even if things are bad now it doesn’t have to stay that way, telling me and


    showing me that I can do something about it.”


    Lucianne looked even more ufortable, “Xandar, it’s natural for mothers to shield their children from


    dangers and negativities. You really don’t have to talk about your mother like that to make me feel good


    about myself. I can tell you that I’m feeling very ufortable right now.”


    He pecked another kiss on her hand before exining, “I’m not saying it to make you feel better about


    yourself, sweetheart. I’m telling you that because I wanted to exin how thete Queen’s passivity


    almost cost me my chance with you.” Lucianne looked at him and she knew that the subject of the


    Kyltons wasing up. Xandar had to tell her. Afterst night, h e had to make sure everything wasid


    on the table so Lucianne wouldn’t be caught off guard again.