Chapter 102


    I stand in the mirror and run ab through my hair, brushing through it before bed. My mind cannot


    stop wandering to earlier when James and I kissed on his bed, and the thought makes me giddy. My


    cheeks have been stained red, and my lip quivers as his lips haunt mine. I feel like a young girl, the one


    I never was. The girl that kissed a boy in the trees then ran off to tell her friends about it, only I have no


    friends here. There''s James, then Gail and Theresa, Theodore, Will, ire, my mother, Noah... Is it


    sad that I can list all of the people I''ve interacted with through these past few months?


    I need to find a friend, and not the kind of friends the girls at my pack used to have—always talking


    about each other—but a real friend. Obviously, ire won''t work, and Theodore probably finds me


    annoying. Gail and Theresa are lovely, but I need someone my age. Preferably a girl so we can be


    alone without James getting any ideas.


    I set down my brush and leave the bathroom, my robe tied tight to keep me warm. My bed looks the


    same, sameforter, same pillows, same scent, softness, and warmth, but my mind continues to drift


    to him. Do I want him here? Do I want him to sleep in my bed tonight? The night that he did was the


    best sleep of my life. It''s not somethingpletely new, we have done it before, so it''s not too big of a


    deal, right?


    I walk down the hall softly even though it is only us in the house at this time. I take a deep breath


    before knocking lightly on his door, then I step back as if knocking on a stranger''s front door. Crossing


    my arms, I wait for a few seconds until he opens one. "Is something wrong?" James asks, ncing


    down the hall.


    I peer behind me for a second then look back. "Oh, no, I just...I, uh, I was wondering if you maybe


    wanted to sleep with me—in my bed, I mean, like we did before." I internally curse at myself and swipe


    the blush from my cheek, pushing my hair behind my ear. "If you want."


    I look up at James'' somewhat amused face as he leans against the doorframe. Not knowing what to


    do, my bush deepens and I stand awkwardly, waiting for an answer.


    "Okay," I say, wanting to run back to my room and hide. "I''m just going to go back and—"


    "No, no," he stops me, "of course I will. You''re just so adorable when you ask."


    I swallow. "Okay, well, I''ll..."


    "I''ll be there in a minute," he says and I nod before walking away.


    I leave the door open a quarter of the way and scan over the room. Quickly, I pick up the decorative


    pillows and arrange them neatly at the base of the bed, swipe up my dirty shirt from the floor, and clear


    the nightstands of my empty ss and books and random things.


    I sit under the covers, my legs crossed, with a book in my hand, pretending to read. My eyes nce up


    at the door every three seconds until I hear himing down the hall. My heart begins to race and the


    giddy feeling returns. James pushes the door open andes inside, and I look up while closing the


    book.


    "Hi," I say right away, then wonder why I''d done it.


    James walks to the other side of the bed. "Hi, Rae."


    I watch as the beautiful man gets into my bed, and again, young Raees out to question. How did I


    get myself here? How is an Alpha getting into my bed? James getsfortable and I set my book on


    the nightstand, awkwardly scooting down and positioning myself. The first time we did this, I was drunk


    with exhaustion and saying whatever came to mind, and now I wish I could take a quick swig of


    something. I rest my head on my pillow and imagine the times when he''de in here himself and


    sleep. It''s like traveling back, like I''m not here and I get to witness this need of his.


    I''m enjoying this, asking him to do things I want to do, no longer scared of the bacsh.


    I reach over to themp on the bedside table and turn it off, submerging us in darkness. "James?" I


    ask, remembering from earlier, "Can I get her next diary from the secret room?"


    I hear him shift, feeling the bed move a bit. "There''s more?"


    "There''s two more."


    His voice is soft, not threatening or powerful like an Alpha''s would be, the voice I had grown used to


    when I first came. I like this one better, this soothing one. "I''ll grab them for you in the morning. I''ll leave


    them on your shelf."


    "Are you leaving early?"


    "Yes. We''re having a bit of trouble with the East border. There have been too many rogue sightings, so


    a few groups are going to search the area for camps."


    "That doesn''t sound safe," I murmur.


    "We''ll be fine. It''s nothing to worry about."


    "You''ll wake me up then, before you go," I tell him, "I want to say goodbye."


    "It''ll be early, Rae. You''ll be tir—"


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    "You''ll wake me up."


    I hear him sigh. "Alright."


    James


    Her scent seeps into me as my eyes wearily open. The sky is still dark but the clock reads five, so I


    peer over at Rae. She''s grasping onto my arm, her hands holding tightly, and I fight with myself on


    moving her. I slowly pull away, sliding the pillow in its ce, and she grabs onto it, shifting and


    moaning.


    Seeing Rae like this, so peaceful and pure, brings a guilty feeling to my stomach. I brush the hair from


    her face and bring the nket up further, covering her arms. I close the shutters so the sun doesn''t


    wake her, and I quietly leave the room.


    I know of my mistakes, and I will never forgive myself for them. Her happiness is all that matters, and I


    will do anything to make sure she feels epted. Though, her talking with ire worries me. ire''s


    feelings for me were far from love, she has been unstable ever since Rae arrived those months ago. It


    was wrong of me to push her away so abruptly, but her words began to worry me. She never held back


    when it came to sharing her opinion on Rae.


    The first night I told ire that she was my mate, and immediately ire tried to secure her position,


    talking about bing Luna and how Mates are overrated. I let her rant. I didn''t care at the time.


    Once I''m ready to leave, I stop in the hall and look to her door. I drift over and check up on her, looking


    in to find her asleep still. Wanting to keep my promise, I quietly make my way to her and crouch down


    beside the bed. Her breathing is steady and soft, and I gently ce my hand on her shoulder. "Rae?" I


    whisper, and she shifts.


    Rae rolls over, her eyes closed. "Yes?"


    I tuck her hair behind her ear, her skin warm and flushed. I cannot tell if she is fully awake, but I


    continue anyway. "I''m leaving now, okay?"


    "Where?" She mumbles, and her eyes flutter open.


    "To search for camps."


    "Okay. Be careful."


    I watch her for a moment before closing the door behind me. She is something of an angel, something


    from another world. My past will forever haunt me, my memories of her pain never to be erased.