Chapter 70


    In the morning when he''s gone off to do whatever an Alpha does, I near his bedroom doors hesitantly


    as if the ghosts of the people he''s in are pushing me towards them. My hand grips the handle but I


    let go as if it is coated in silver. He might kill me if he catches me in here. Okay, I know he won''t kill me,


    but the man still frightens me, and he takes away things I love. He may just kill my mother if he catches


    me in here, but I grip the handle again and push down, letting the door pull me inside with it.


    It''s cold inside and dark. I feel for the light-switch, then I press them all down, the room dimly


    brightening up, just enough for me to move around. The windows are covered by thick curtains and I


    don''t bother to move them.


    His scent is everywhere. It''s sneaking up my legs, running its hands through my hair, kissing my lips,


    and pulling down my underwear. His scent ys with me and begs me toey down, but I try to


    ignore the hypnotic smell and continue on with what I came in here to do. My things. I''ve searched the


    house for theming up empty handed—so I''ve decided that they must be in here, hidden off in a


    drawer or stuffed in the closet.


    I breathe in, making a great mistake. The air, tainted by his everything, floods throughout my body and


    rubs up against me. The air wraps around my arms and leads me towards the bed. I stand before the


    Content is property ? N?velDrama.Org.


    dark bedding and milky white sheets like a woman walking across the scaffold. I reach out and run my


    palms over the nket—my mind going wild, drifting off to exotic ces. How Julianna slept in her


    mate''s bed and didn''t beg for him makes me praise her. Just touching the sheets makes my hands


    shake. All the things I convinced myself I could live without. . . I need them now. I want them.


    Like a dead woman lying in her grave, I fall against the bed and let the sheets wrap around my ankles,


    holding me down. I want to be naked in this bed. I can''t help it. Every part of my body wants this—the


    bond bringing me to such desires, a virgin in the sheets of sex. My hands reach out and grab onto


    whatever they can snatch, my right gripping bedding and my left feeling a pillow. I drag the pillow to my


    body—his lips have touched this pillow—but looking beyond, I freeze. My heart stops.


    In the sea of white in the heart of the bed, a splotch of purple sticks out like a beacon. I sit up in all my


    glory and take the piece of fabric into my hands, knowing it very well. This is my pajama top, the one I


    couldn''t findst night, the one I slept in the night before. It smells like me, the scent slicing through the


    addiction that is his.


    He took it from my bedroom and now it is in his bed. A deep, wonderful sensations spread throughout


    me. He needs me. He needs me enough to keep my clothes in his bed. I don''t understand. Why does


    he hate me if he needs me? Does he hate needing me? It''s back to this, isn''t it?


    I''m just not good enough.


    He has her because I''m not good enough. I''m not pretty enough, not captivating enough, not sexy


    enough, not enough. It''s not that he doesn''t want a Mate—maybe he does, just not me. It''s back to this.


    It''s my fault. It''s my fault I''m not good enough. If only I were like the other girls, right? If only I were


    them. If only I brushed my hair every morning and wore tight clothes and acted properly and starved


    and wore makeup and... But even then, I couldn''t change my face, or the size of my breasts, or the


    thickness of my hair, or the color of my eyes, or the sound of my voice.


    I feel my throat closing up.


    I bet he makes her wear the top, pretending that the scent ising from her instead. I can make her


    leave, I can hold her from him, but that doesn''t make me any more desirable.


    I have to leave. I have to get out of this room.


    Hurrying for the door—running from his everything—I m the doors shut and bolt to my room, leaning


    my forehead against the wood once my door is shut. I beat my fists against the door and swing away


    from it facing the room with hatred. My hands tear down the bookshelf while sobs of fury erupt from


    within. It collides with the floor, and once I start, I can''t stop. Bedding is torn from the bed,mps are


    thrown to the floor, the desk is swiped clean and the chair is thrown across the room. I am a raging


    monster, destroying all my eyese upon.


    When I''m finished, I sit on the floor, in the middle of it all, shaking.


    Gailes barging in and her eyes widen at the sight of it all. "What on earth? What have you done!"


    She looks at me then hurries towards me.


    "I can''t live like this," I murmur, "I can''t live like this. I can''t live like this. I can''t live like this," my voice


    growing louder, "I can''t live like this. I can''t live like this. I can''t live like this! I can''t! I can''t!"


    She grabs onto me. "What''s wrong? What''s happened? What happened? What happened, Rae?"


    "I''ll never be her. I''ll never be her!" I cry, "I''ll never be her!"


    "I''m getting the Alpha," Gail says, but Itch onto her.


    "You can''t. You can''t get him. Please, don''t! Don''t get him!"


    "You''re having a mental breakdown," she grabs me, trying to make me understand, "I''m getting help."


    "I have to go." I stand up and wander to the door. "I can''t be here. I have to leave. I can''t live like this."


    I wander down the stairs and lose sight of Gail. My feet take me to the odd cab but it''s locked and I


    can''t open it and I be frustrated and desperate. I turn towards the small library, but the nob won''t


    turn. The house seems to shrink with me inside, so I stagger outside and gaze up at the sun.