Lucy''s Point of View


    As Iy in bed, curled up like a burrito in my covers even though it is far to hot, I cannot help but feel a mixture of relief and disappointment wash over me.


    Relief, because today I was scared out of my wits about Ben and that fire. Although I had yed it down, because he did not need the extra weight of worrying about me, worrying about him on his shoulders. I had not lied to him, I had worked through the whole school fire fiasco, but I also had the radio on in the office so I could listen to what was happening. Anders had paced the floor, letting out a growl every now and then, it is clear to me, that he thinks a lot about Josie.


    Work was great, the only person I feel will be an issue is the receptionist, Linda, who thinks she is a cut above the rest of us and is constantly trying to think up excuses to get into Anders office. The silly woman is making herself aughingstock because both Sarah and John, who work in the sales office with me, were saying things like ''oh here she is again, something important the boss must know about that requires her to stick her t**s out a little further. I had of course nipped thements in the bud, given I am the sales director, but I cannot deny they have a point, and it is clear as day that Anders is not interested, hell, she is the only person in the ce he makes call him Mr. Maxwell.


    The disappointment I feel, is because as lovely as this bedroom is, and as happy as I am sleeping here, I really want to be sleeping next to Ben. I know it may sound silly, but sinceing back from our night in Lumley Castle, our rtionship has strengthened so much, yet still he treats me like ss at bedtime. I understand he doesn''t wish to push me or make me ufortable, and I respect him so much for that. But, at the end of the day, I just want to be asleep in his arms like that night, because as crazy as it sounds, I miss him. The feeling is even stronger tonight, because after the fear of today, I could do with the extra reassurance that he is okay, because I was worried sick.


    Huffing I turn over, willing sleep toe, but my brain is awake, ying over the day on repeat, and I can get zero rest.


    I need to find a way to sleep, because I have work tomorrow, so I get out of bed, and quietly potter down to the kitchen to make a hot chocte. I ce the milk in the pan, and begin to heat it up, when I feel tworge strong arms wrap around me from behind. "You couldn''t sleep either?" Ben''s low gravelly voice asks.


    "No, the day kept ying over in my head," I sigh out, and spin round wrapping my own arms around him,ying my head on his rock-hard bare chest, and let out an involuntary sigh of contentment.


    He bends down and ces a soft kiss on the top of my head, then holds me a little tighter, as we remain like that in a peaceful silence, until the sound of milk boiling over the pan hisses.


    "Oops, sorry," I say, then move out of his warm embrace and switch off the milk, grabbing some kitchen roll to clean up the mess.


    "Lucy, leave that, I will do it, you get to bed, and I will bring you the hot chocte up." Ben smiles down at me.


    "No, I will do this, you go back to bed; I will bring up the hot chocte." I smile back round at him.


    Yes, I have a sneaky n, to take the drink to his bedroom, and hope he asks me to sit with him and drink it, then possibly identally on purpose doze off beside him. I wish I was more confident just to say what I want, but honestly, with Ben, although he feels like home, is loving, caring, and the most amazing man ever, after the rejection that was not really a rejection at the hotel, I am feeling a little bit uneasy when ites to this stuff.


    Am I ready to go all the way with him? No, and he was right to stop things, but I am ready to maybe share a bed, cuddle up, and do other things, I just don''t know how to voice that without sounding like a hussy.


    Ben chuckles, and nods at me, before making his way back up the stairs. I quickly make the two hot drinks, and make sure everything is turned off, then head up to his bedroom. A nervous excitement fills me with each step towards his bedroom, and I have to stop outside the door, and take a deep breath for courage. I walk in to find him sat up in his bed, he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen, hisrge chest on full disy, along with the sttering of tattoos, that makes mydy parts weep with satisfaction and need. His ck hair is tussled slightly, the scruff on his jaw slightly longer than it was this morning. Grey eyes swirling with desire greet me, and I forget how to breathe, as I momentarily freeze. "Would youey beside me Lucy, whilst we drink the drinks?" his baritone voice shyly asks me.


    I lose the ability to speak as excitement causes my stomach to do the ''Riverdance'' and just nod my head, my body humming with anticipation of being next to him once more in a bed.


    cing the cups down on the beside table, Ben throws back the covers, and moves a long a little bit as I nervously climb in beside him. His arm wraps around my shoulder, as his calloused fingers softly trace up and down my arm, as he lets out a contented sigh. I nervously take a sip of the hot chocte, wondering what I should say, or if I should just remain quiet.


    It is so confusing; they never show this side of things in the romance films I like to watch, they always seem to know what to do and say, whereas I am just a nervous i***t right now.


    "I was worried today." His voice breaks the silence.


    I turn and look at him, waiting for him to continue, his face is a contorted mixture of heady emotions, fear the most prominent.


    "When the news came through it was a school and kids were inside, I was worried that I would freeze and be unable to do my job." Ben let''s out a long breath. "Did you? Freeze I mean?" I hesitantly ask him.


    "No, once I was on scene the button in my head was pressed, and I got on with the job. But then I worried again." He turns to me, pinning me with his grey eyes.


    "Why?" My voice is barely a whisper as I squirm slightly under his intense gaze that is causing my already weepingdy bits to cry a river.


    "That if it all went wrong, I would not see you again," he whispered.


    I blink repeatedly, thement both giving me joy, but also making my heart break as I hate that he was worried.


    "Then I was worried again, that once I got home, I would shut down, or have a dyed reaction. Driving home was horrible Lucy, I was shaking like a leaf, my heart pounding, and I thought I was going to have a full-on PTSD attack, but then when I walked in the house and saw you cooking in the kitchen, hearing you humming to yourself, everything disappeared, and I instantly calmed down. It was the strangest yet most satisfying feeling ever." I feel my cheeks begin to heat, knowing that I was blushing, I lower my head down, feeling embarrassed that I was ... well... embarrassed.


    "Lucy, don''t hide your blushes from me, I happen to love them." Ben chuckles at me, gently cing a finger under my chin and tilting my head back up so our eyes meet. Oh hell, my heart sounds like a heard of horses are galloping about, it is beating so fast. He likes my blushes, well he said, ''love them'', okay, it is not an I love you, but still, he loves something about me. That is huge, becausetely, I get the feeling I may love him. I have never been in love before, so I do not know what it means in reality. I know this is a bit quick to think I am in love, but hell, I cannot deny that the thought of life without him in it is unbearably painful.


    "I didn''t lie, I kept myself busy with work, but I did have the radio on all day listening to what was happening. Anders was a mess, pacing his office floor, growling. He was kind of outwardly showing what I was feeling inside, if that makes sense," I sigh out, admitting to him just how nervous I had been all day.


    His arm tightened around my shoulder, as he nodded.


    "Lucy, I really hate that you stay in another room to me on a night," Ben stated, then took a deep breath as if he had said to much.


    My heart leaps for joy in my chest, and I turn to look at him.


    "I know the feeling," I whisper, then feel my cheeks burn once more, but this time, I do not hang my head, after all, he loves my blushes.


    "I am not being pervy, I just want to hold you on a night," Ben qualifies.


    "I know, me too." I give him a half smile.


    "Not that I don''t want to... well, you know ... it drives me half crazy at times, but I have so much respect for you Lucy, I would not act on it, until you are ready," he rambles a bit.


    I giggle at him and nod my head. I think about s*x most of the time as well, so I get where he ising from, and he is the least pervy man I have ever known. Hell, when Cal and I shared a house just after my parents died, I had to change the sheets every morning, from his teenage hormones; now that is pervy!


    "I don''t think you''re a pervert, well, if you are one, then I guess I am as well." I smile up at him.


    Ben looks down at me, a low growl emanating from his chest, his eyes dting, as he holds me even tighter to him.


    "Lucy, I suppose what I am asking is would you sleep in my bed from now on?" he asked, his voice strained.


    "Yes, I would." I nod at him, again feeling the burn on my cheeks.


    "Also, would you please let me know what you are ready to do, or not do?" he whispers softly.


    I look at him and nod, he is obviously worried about me, not wanting to push too hard and too fast, and that makes me swoon a little inside, that he is so considerate to my needs.


    "Okay, why don''t we just find out what works for us, if I am ufortable, I promise to tell you," I whisper back at him.


    "Deal." Benugh''s and holds me closer to his chest.


    We finish out drinks in afortable silence, then ce them on the side tables, before we both snuggle up to each other. Ben tells his Alexa to turn off the lights, and wey holding onto each other, as he ces soft kisses on the top of my head, and I ce little ones on his amazing chest, until peaceful and contented sleep finally finds us both.