"Not yet," I said quietly.
"Yet," Lance repeated, raising a brow. "That''s optimistic of you."
I stared into my ss, the amber liquid catching the light. "It''s not optimism. It''s... conviction. I''ve spent most of my life thinking love was a weakness. Something that made you reckless. But it isn''t. It''s a choice. One you make every day to be better, to stay, even when it''s hard."
Lance studied me for a long moment, his eyes glued to my face, though I couldn''t read his expression. "You sound like ric."
I smiled faintly. "He might be rubbing off on me. I have been seeing a lot of him. He''s wiser than I gave him credit for."
Lance chuckled under his breath. "You''re changing, big brother. I''m not sure if it''s impressive or terrifying how quickly. I guess you always have aplished everything you put your mind to."
My eyes drifted back toward the crowd. I could see Ellie in the distance now, seated near ric and Cassian.
My chest tightened.
"I want to be better for them," I said quietly. "For all of them. I don''t expect Ellie to forgive me, but I want her to see that I can be different. That she was right about me - that I wasn''t beyond saving."
Lance sipped his drink, thoughtful. "You really love her, don''t you?"
"Yes." The word came easily. No hesitation, no shame. "I don''t think I ever stopped. I just didn''t know how to show it."
Lance nodded slowly. "Then don''t tell her. Show her now. But not the way you used to. No grand gestures. Just... consistency. She''s seen what your temper looks like. Show her what your patience looks like. But for god''s sake, stop moping around and waiting for this to fix itself for you Inaction doesn''t suit you."
I gave him a sideways nce. "Since when are you the expert?”
"Since I met I," Lance said with a crooked grin. "Apparently, women don''t respond well to being told what to feel. Who knew?"
That earned a quietugh from me - small, but genuine. "You might be onto something."
We stood inpanionable silence for a while, watching as thest of thenterns were lit.
Somewhere, music swelled again - a slower tune now, softer. I could almost picture Ellie still swaying in time to it, her head tilted toward the stars.
"I told her I love her," I said after a long moment. "And I meant it. But I didn''t ask her toe back. I didn''t even ask for forgiveness.''
")
Lance''s brows lifted. "That''s new."
"It''s the truth,” I said. "I don''t want her toe back out of guilt or obligation. I want her toe back because she wants to. Because she can look at me and see something worth trusting again.”
Lance nodded. "That''s a good start."
I turned the ss in my hand, watching the light refract. "She doesn''t owe me
anything. But I owe her everything The least I can do is give her space to breathe."
"And if she neveres back?" Lance asked quietly.
I didn''t answer right away. The question stung, but I forced myself to face it.
+25 Bonus
"Then I''ll still keep trying," I said finally. "Not to win her but to be the kind of man who deserved her in the first ce."
For a long moment, there was nothing but the soft crackle ofntern mes and the distant hum ofughter. Then Lance pped me on the shoulder, squeezing once before heading back toward the party.
I stayed where I was.
I could still hear Ellie''s voice echoing in my head – that trembling whisper when she''d said, You punished me instead.
I''d spent years convincing myself that power was protection, that dominance could be love. But standing here now, with the scent of moonlight and smoke around me and the memory of her tears still fresh, I realized that love wasn''t about control at all.
It was about surrender.
I set my ss down on the railing and straightened, the familiar warmth of
determination filling my chest along with the sting of the whiskey.
I wouldn''t rush her. I wouldn''t corner her. I would simply be there.
I could never take away the pain that I had caused, but I could do everything
possible to make sure she never had to feel that way again.
Maybe that would be enough.
Chap 220