Chapter 46: I Hate Shopping


    <b><i>Blythe’s </i></b>P.Q.V.


    ******


    What the actual hell is wrong with me? No, seriously. Something must be.


    Why do I always get like that?


    Well, not always… I was never like that at Silent Divine. I wasn’t like that until Sean and I started doing stuff.


    We started out slow, of course. He knew my se.xual experiences at Silent Divine. I thought going slow was his


    way of showing me what se.x stuff was supposed to be like.


    Little did I know, I was a big fucking joke.


    As soon as Sean and I started getting more intimate, I acted like that. Like I needed more and more. Like


    nothing was ever enough. One tug on my ni.pple, and I was begging to be stuffed. It was like something else


    took over entirely.


    I was embarrassed as hell the first few times, but Sean was so thrilled about it. He helped me slowly


    understand myself se.xually. He was the one that helped me forget all about Daniel and what Silent Divine


    was doing to me. He made me feel in control, se.xy, desired, loved, and safe.


    But all of it was a lie.


    And now here I am, doing the same things with the people who hurt me more than Sean ever could. I gave


    myself up with barely a fight. I begged. I acted desperate. And I answered their questions without a care in


    the world.


    It felt better with them. It was incredible. I was so needy and desperate that I thought I’d explode if I couldn’t get more of them. My pu.ssy was throbbing, and I was willing to do anything to have one of them inside of <ol><li>me. </li></ol>


    And now I hate myself for it.


    I shouldn’t have been so stupid. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. Now they know a secret about me. One they can use to get me to spill more secrets. Maybe. I’m not really sure. I feel like if they start asking me about my time with Daniel or Sean, I’ll probably snap out of it.


    What if I don’t though? What if they figure out how to keep me so needy that I spill everything? Then what happens? They allugh and talk about how they already knew? Does the joke finally end when I tell them


    about all the horrors of Silent Divine? How much more humiliation can I take?


    It’s not even just about being humiliated. It’s about them. It’s about the almost two years that I spent praying and hoping that they woulde rescue me. It’s about the small piece of me that keeps whispering that I can trust them, that they never knew. It’s about everything I endured after I ran away the first time.


    Because if it turns out that they do know everything, that they didn’t care… I’ll be crushed. Worse than ever before. I will be nothing. I know it. I know myself, and I know that I can’t handle it. I couldn’t handle being a joke again, being a toy again. I’m not strong enough. Not when I’m already barely holding on.


    But if it turns out that they don’t… What happens then? They learn how tainted I really am? They look at me with pity and disgust? And that would mean that I’d been running for thest few years for no reason.


    <Chapter 46 | Hate Shopping


    I heard Evander though. He was the one that kicked me out that night, that gave me back to Daniel even


    though I was begging and pleading. He told me that they all knew and were trying to keep the rest of the club upied while he got me back where I belonged. I heard him on the phone.


    They all knew. I can’t forget that. No matter what happens. No matter what they do to me. No matter what they find out. And no matter how good it all feels…


    I can’t forget that I don’t matter to anyone.


    “Why the long face, Shorty?” Psycho asked as he climbed into the car next to me.


    “She’s been giving us the silent treatment all morning,” CG said from the passenger seat.


    “Which is why I’m making her ride in the car with us,” Karma added from the driver’s seat.


    “Well, sh.it, you won’t hear meining about silent treatment,” Havoc muttered as he leaned his head


    back against the seat. He’s on my other side, and yes, it’s crowded as hell back here.


    “Silent treatment, huh?” Psycho asked, looking at me.


    I ignored him. I’m going to ignore them all. The best thing to do is stay quiet. They’ll give up eventually.


    I hope.


    “Yeah, she’s not too happy that Karma and I had her cu.mming her brains out this morning,” CG said causally, as if we were discussing the weather. My face med as Psycho smirked at me. “I think she has


    hyperse.xuality orpulsive se.xual behavior disorder.”


    Disorder<b>??? </b>


    “Uh, what?” Psycho asked with a forcedugh.


    “What the fu.ck?” Havoc muttered, clearly confused.


    “Well, she had a whole personality change and went all…” CG trailed off as he blew out a breath. “I’m gonna get hard just thinking about the way she begged us to fu.ck her.”


    <i>Oh</i>. My<i>. </i>God.


    “Wait, you guys fu.cked?” Psycho asked incredulously.


    “No,” CG replied. “I said she begged us, not that we did it.”


    “I’m fucking confused,” Psycho muttered.


    Me too.


    “Anyway,” CG said. “I was looking up sh.it, because seriously, she had aplete personality change and it was kinda freaky. In all the best ways, but I was worried about our girl.”


    Not your girl!


    <b>“</b>I think she has hyperse.xuality or CSB disorder,” CG concluded.


    “She has a split personality is what she fucking has,” Karma muttered, making me frown.


    Didn’t hear himining earlier.


    “What the hell does that even mean?” Psycho asked.


    < Chapter 46 | Hate Shopping


    I watched as Karma and CG shared a look, both of them smirking.


    “Oh, don’t worry brother,” Karma replied, looking right at me in the rearview mirror. “You’ll find out. Eventually.”


    Yeah? Well, good fu.cking luck. I don’t n to make it easy for any of <i>you</i>.


    “Bly, dear, this one would look so pretty on you,” I said, holding up a very skimpy dress.


    “Oooooh, what about this one?” Ann said, holding up a different dress.


    “No, she needs this one,” Cami disagreed, holding up a third dress.


    “Let’s just get them all,” I said, shrugging like it was no big deal.


    My jaw dropped.


    “What? Why?” I rushed out. “Where am I even going to wear something like those to?”


    “Uh, the club has parties every weekend,” Cami replied.


    “I’ll look like a subus in one of those,” I grumbled.


    “Especially the little ck one I picked out,” Ann snorted.


    “I picked the red one to tease the hell out of Havoc,” Cami told her, giggling like a school girl.


    <b>“</b>And I picked the purple one because I know it’s your favorite color and I like the strappy back,” I said, throwing a wink my way.


    “You three are ridiculous,” I said. “I’m not going to any club parties or wearing those dresses. You’re all


    insane.”


    The three of them fell into fits ofughter, like I had told a freaking joke.


    “Bly, live a little,” I said. “You deserve to let loose.”


    “I deserve to <b><i>be </i></b>let loose,” I muttered under my breath.


    I chuckled, hearing what I said since she was closest to me.


    “I agree,” she said. “But I also don’t want my son to let you go. I want you to stay with us. But you’ll have your


    freedom one day.”


    “Yeah, the day that insanity finally takes me and I fall head over heels for my captors,” I grumbled, remembering my stupid conversation with Karma.


    “I think the longer you stay, the more <i>you </i>will realize that things are not what you seem to think,” she replied.


    I stopped looking through the racks of clothes and looked at I. She didn’t even nce at me, just kept


    shuffling through clothes. Ann and Cami were <i>on </i>the other side a little ways down, talking about whatever


    they were looking at.


    “I just want <i>to </i>go live my life the way I want,” I told her.


    I finally stopped and looked at me.


    “Do you expect me to believe that what you want is bouncing from town to town for the rest of your life? Always looking over your shoulder? Always living in fear? How is that even a life?” she asked.


    Chapter 46 1 Hate Shopping


    “At least I’d be free,” I mumbled.


    “What’s so free about that kind of life?” She inquired, turning her body to me.


    “What’s so free about this life?” I countered. “I’m being watched like a dog, I never have a moment of peace, I’m constantly bullied. I don’t even want to be here.” <fn9cb3> ???s ??????? ?s ?????? ?? f?ndnovel</fn9cb3>


    I looked at me for a moment.


    “Because you think they know something about whatever happened to you,” she stated.


    I pressed my lips together in a firm line. I saw me close–up immediately and sighed.


    “I don’t know if you’ll believe me, sweetheart, but those boys don’t know a damn thing,” she told me. “Whatever happened… whatever Daniel or your husband did or told you… Maybe it wasn’t the truth, Bly.”


    “Or maybe your son is a better actor than you think,” I muttered.


    “Bly! Try these on!” Ann squealed from behind me.


    I turned around all to have her shove’a pile of clothes at me. Then she and Cami ushered me to the fitting rooms, and stuffed me into one of the stalls. I didn’t even try to protest. I knew it was pointless.


    Sigh a heavy sigh, I set the clothes down and stripped out of the ones I had on. The first item I picked up was a dress. It wasn’t as skimpy as the other ones they picked out, but it was still kind of slu.tty. I was a bit shocked that they were picking out clothes like that for me. The only difference with this one is that it’s turquoise and a little longer than the others. It’s still just as tight though, showing off my curves.


    “I love it!” Ann and Cami squealed together, pping their hands.


    I rolled my eyes at them and went to change out of it. However, I got the zipper stuck. Of fu.cking course. I am so over this shopping trip.


    “Hey, can one of you guys help me with the zipper?<b>” </b>I asked as I opened the door.


    Only, it wasn’t Ann or Cami I came face–to–face with.


    “Sure, Short Cake,” Psycho said with a smile. “I can help you out of your clothes. Anytime.”


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