Amber’s POV


    As a Healer, I knew all about straining the mating bond. I’d seen it before, with mates bing quick to anger, more prone to making impulsive, bad choices. I also knew the strain was worse for Alphas. And that this condition could be triggered when two mates had sex again after a long period of separation.


    If the mating bond was not restored through the bite, then the condition only worsened. The only other cure was to reject the mating bond.


    I wasn’t ready for a renewed bite, but…


    The alternative?


    “You don’t want me to bite you,” Julian said. “So I won’t.”


    He knew more than I thought he would, which meant he was taking this seriously. Enough to have researched this condition…


    I didn’t know if that was good or not, though. If he knew the mating bite was a cure, then he must have also known rejection was the only other alternative.


    He frowned deeply. “I’m not going to agree to a mutual rejection, either,” he said.


    “So you are going to what? Suffer? Julian.”


    “I’ll stand at this impasse forever, Amber,” he said, his eyes sparking with determination. I knew better than to doubt him. If he was making a promise like this, holding my gaze as intently as he was, then he was certain to keep it.


    But that would mean a lifetime of suffering. I couldn’t allow that.


    I shook my head disapprovingly at him as I said again, “This is all the more reason we shouldn’t be together.”


    <b>“</b>You keep saying these lies.”


    “When we are together, someone always gets hurt,” I said. It might have been me in the past, but now, the pain was going tond on Julian’s shoulders.


    What was I thinking, allowing myself to fall into a pleasure trap? I never should have spent the night in his bed. As a Healer, I should have known this was going to happen. But I hadn’t been thinking.


    That was the main problem here. When I was with Julian romantically… sexually… I had trouble thinking at all. It was like my brain, my sound reasoning, all turned off and the only thing I could feel was the pleasure.


    Pleasure was great in the moment, but it couldn’tst. Asting rtionship couldn’t be built on that.


    I had a daughter now, a career of my own. There were people depending on me. I had responsibilities I couldn’t ignore for pleasure.


    I couldn’t allow myself to fall into his trap again, which was why rejecting him was the best choice.


    Yet…


    When I looked at him, even though I knew losing him was the right choice, I couldn’t make myself say the words that would send him away.


    With a sigh, I said, “There are some painkillers I can prescribe that would help take the edge off. But it’s


    not a permanent solution. Eventually you are going to have to ept the rejection.”


    “I don’t believe that,” he said. His confidence was both inspiring and infuriating. “Someday, you will ept my love again.”


    How could he be so damn confident? Couldn’t he see the pain we were always causing each other?


    Even now, because of this, Julian would have to face Julian in the ring.


    Julian stepped closer to me, and seeing this confidence even closer stole the breath straight out of my lungs. He loomed over me, looking down into my eyes with his entire focus.


    I could get lost in those eyes, and believed that I had on many asions.


    I wasn’t ready to reject him, but I couldn’t ept him either.


    For now… we stood like this, in the middle of a crossroads, neither willing to make a move one way or the


    other, not without the other person moving first.


    I licked my lips, and Julian nced down, tracking the movement.


    “I hate that he kissed you,” Julian said. “It made me go out of my mind with rage.”


    I hadn’t liked it either, frankly. I’d much rather kiss Julian, but that wouldn’t solve any of our problems.


    So I slowly backed up a step. “Goodnight, Julian,” I said, and forced myself <b>to </b>walk away from him, over to my bedroom door.


    “Goodnight, Amber,” he said, just before I closed it.


    The next day, at the clinic, everyone was talking about the uing challenge – even Gail, who I thought too mature for such things.


    She must have seen the look I had given her because she said, somewhat apologetically, “It’s just nice to see everyone so excited about something. There have been some dark times in this packtely. Your presence here is evidence of that. For people toe together<b>, </b>even for something like this, is a good


    sign we are healing.”


    I didn’t agree with that notion, especially because the challenge meant the man I loved was going to have to fight one of my friends, who I owed a great deal. No matter who won, I was sure to lose.


    Gail frowned then. “Oh, I’m sorry, Amber. I wasn’t thinking…”


    About you.


    She didn’t say the words, but she didn’t have to.


    “I’m sorry,” she said again, her face downcast.


    I knew she meant it. She’d helped me a lot, and Alice loved her. I couldn’t be mad at Gail for seeing hope in her downtrodden pack. I just wished it didn’t have toe at the expense of me and the people I cared


    about.


    Though, if I told Gail that, she’d probably wish for that too.


    Yet, even knowing this challenge could be helping the pack, I couldn’t allow it to continue. I didn’t want to lose Julian or Roman, even if I was mad as hell at Roman right now.


    So, after excusing myself from Gail, I went into my office, picked up the phone and called Rafael.


    He was the only person on this who could call this fight off without any ramifications.


    He answered with a smile on his voice, when he realized it was me. “Always good to hear from you, Sis.”


    I wasn’t in the mood for niceties. I hadn’t forgotten that this challenge only existed because of his suggestion. I could recognize the alternative was Roman and Julian fighting right there on the balcony, but Rafael still yed a role here.


    “You have to call off this ridiculous fight,” I said.


    Rafaelughed, like I was joking.


    <b>“</b>I’m serious,<b>” </b>I told him.


    Hisughter did not die then, though it did slow. “You know I can’t do that, Amber. Are you at the clinic? I’m sure the people there are like they are here. Everyone is excited, and I can’t take that away from them.”


    “And how about what you are taking from me?” I asked. “I could lose Julian or Roman to this.”


    “Roman won’t lose,” Rafael said. “So the only thing you are losing is a hanger–on you should have shed


    years ago.”


    “That’s my choice,” I said. “Not yours. And not the result of any challenge.”


    <b>“</b>Maybe you feel that way,” Rafael said. “But the Alphas will know they are beholden to the rules. They


    both agreed that the loser would back off. I’m sorry, Amber, but this is no longer up to you. You don’t have


    to ept the winner, but you will need to ept, for his reputation and yours, that the loser will have to leave your life once and for all.”


    Chapter <b>202 </b>