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    <b>Chapter </b><b>178 </b>


    Amber’s POV


    After showing us around, Alpha Rafael gifted us a suite at the nearby hotel. The suite itself had three rooms, so that Julian, Alice, and I could each have our own privacy while staying in this pack<b>, </b>yet still be close enough together to have each other if needed. The three bedrooms were connected <b>to </b>a living roomplete with a kitchte. Truly, we could live there forever if we needed to, a small apartment.


    I knew Julian wanted to speak with me. He’d been quiet since the car ride, not speaking a word as <b>we </b>toured the clinics that needed my help. He spoke to Alice, not to me, as he promised her they would spend the days together while I was working, which I would start doing in the morning.


    He waited though, until after we tucked in Alice together, closing the door to her room, to speak to me.


    <b>“</b>Come into my room so Alice won’t hear us,” he said.


    He wanted to argue then. Fine. I was ready for that. I had more than a few things on my mind, ready to fling back at him, since he was acting like such an ass.


    I marched into his bedroom. He followed me, then gently closed the door behind us. Spinning on my heel, I pointed a finger straight into his chest as I said, “You cannot act like this every time a man is nice to


    me.<b>” </b>


    “Acting like what?” he asked.


    I threw up my hands. He couldn’t be this obtuse. “Like you own me! You have no right to be so possessive <b>or </b>to fling that around with other people who don’t even know us.”


    “I feel like I must remind you that you are still my wife and mate,” he said.


    “Because you won’t let me go. We could be divorced right now. Let’s go to the courthouse.” I was talking a big game, mostly out of frustration. I didn’t know if I meant the words for real. I didn’t think I did. I just wanted to sting Julian<b>, </b><b>to </b>wake him up to reality<b>, </b><b>so </b>he could see how much of a possessive jerk he was being.


    The words did not have the <b>correct </b>effect.


    Instead, anger shed over Julian’s eyes. I blinked and suddenly he was right in front of me, moving so quickly I didn’t even perceive him. He grabbed me roughly by the upper arms, keeping me from backing


    away.


    “Is that what you want? You want to be rid of me<b>?</b><b>” </b>he growled. His eyes narrowed. “So you can be with


    him<b>?</b><b>” </b>


    I should have realized my words might have triggered an Alpha rage, but in the moment…


    <b>No</b>…


    Maybe this <b>was </b>the oue I truly wanted and I had been lying to myself before.


    I was <b>my </b>own person with <b>my </b>own free will, but I liked when Julian wanted to im me like this. After thinking I had lost him to Olivia… After thinking he didn’t truly care for me…


    <b>Seeing </b>him like this was a reminder that deep down, we did belong to each other. He wanted me, and I wanted him, and that want ran deeper than physical attraction. It was more than sex. More than


    anything.


    Two hearts beating as one.


    Even if we could never really figure out how to make things work, we still were bound.


    Just as I wanted to be.


    “Let me go,” I said, though I wanted the opposite.


    His lip twitched, an almost snarl. <b>“</b><b>No</b>,” he said fiercely, and I didn’t think he was just talking about his hold on me. He also meant his hold over my heart. Our marriage. Our mating bond.


    All of it.


    He wasn’t going to let go.


    Passion ran so closely to anger. I was furious enough to want to p him, but kissing, I decided, would be


    better.


    I surged forward, sping my lips to his. He was surprised into stillness for only a moment, before dropping his hands to clutch my hips instead, yanking me toward him.


    I sighed in relief, feeling the entire length of his body pressed against mine. He used this opportunity to sweep his tongue into my mouth, where I weed it with my own.


    I wed at his clothes, while he tore at mine.


    Abruptly, he pushed me down onto the bed.


    For a moment<b>, </b>my thoughts almost returned to me. I had a hint of a thought, at the very back of my mind,


    <b>that </b>maybe this was a bad idea.


    But then his hands went to the buckle and zipper of his pants. He opened it and pushed them <b>down</b>, shoving his boxers down too<b>, </b>revealing his hardened desire for me.


    All other thoughts disappeared except my own want, my own need, to have him devour me.


    I kicked off what was left <b>of </b>my own clothes, baring myself <b>to </b>him as he bared himself to me.


    When I was naked, he pounced on me with a growl, pinning me to the bed with every square inch of his


    hard body.


    All of the problems between us had never included this. With sex, we knew just how to make each other crazy. He knew just how to touch me to elicit the sounds he wanted to hear. And I knew just the sounds <b>I </b>needed to make to drive him wild.


    I wed my fingernails down his back as he sucked marks into my neck. The headboard banged against


    the wall so hard it made a dent and then a hole in the ster.


    Neither of us cared.


    He did not slow.


    His hand found one of mine andced our fingers together.


    We both held on as he drove us again and again toward the edge of pleasure, and then finally<b>, </b>over the precipice into ecstasy.


    The pleasure was too much after so long of an absence.


    I cked out with Julian’s name on my lips.


    When I woke up again, the world was dark. Julian had cleaned me and dried me and I was wearing one of his t–shirts in his bed. He was beside me, asleep. He wasn’t touching me though, except for my hand that rested in the space between us, our fingers interlocked.


    Just as they had been when he’d made me his.


    A moment’s bliss filled me at the memory. Our mating bond thrummed pleasantly, restored between us.


    The good mood did notst, however. In the next moment, panic overwhelmed me.


    What had I done?


    Carefully<b>, </b>I unwound our fingers, then slid out of the bed. I paused twice, watching his face for any difort or sign he might be waking. When his expression didn’t change, I hurried to the door and slipped out of the room.


    There, I all but ran to my own room, breathing only when I was within it, the door closed safely behind me.


    On a loop in my mind, I repeated the words, What have I done? What have I done?


    And more<b>, </b>What do I do now?


    I couldn’t allow what happened tonight to change anything between Julian and me. I had given myself over to pleasure, but that didn’t mean anything was resolved.


    We still had the same problems.


    There was only one answer for what I had to do now..


    Pretend like tonight didn’t happen.


    Even though, with bliss like that, I was sure to not forget it anytime soon.