Meadow’s POV:
I did remember my name.
After ric gave me two more orgasms.
I wasn’t sure at what point I fell asleep, but it was still dark when my eyes opened. I’d slept with ric’s
arm pulling my back to his front, but now, I felt nothing.
No trace of his skin on mine. And when I touched his side of the bed, it was cold.
He had left me alone. Again.
My heart dropped as something in my throat thickened.
How hard was it to just spend the entire night with me? Or just a few fucking hours, because from what I
could tell, it had been a long time since he left the bed.
I should’ve known better than to expect that he would do anything but detach himself from me. I shook my head. Why was I even dwelling on this? He didn’t owe me anything.
Not his affection or care.
Turning the bedsidemp on, I threw the covers away from my body and got out of ric’s bed. I pulled on a shirt of his before I left his room, deciding to continue the rest of the night in my room instead–if my now restless mind would let me.
And I was almost at the door to my room when I heard it.
Soundsing from downstairs. Low grunts and groans, all sounding like they were from ric.
My heartbeat stuttered. What on earth was going on?
I hurried down the stairs, my heart in my throat as I followed the sounds. They led me to a door which was slightly ajar. I had never been in here before, but I knew it had to be some kind of gym. Because most times, whenever ric returned from his morning runs, he branched in here.
The sounds got louder as I approached. ric wasn’t groaning in pain–of course, he wasn’t. He couldn’t feel pain. But the force of whatever he was hitting was causing him to grunt.
And whatever he was hitting, he had to be hitting it hard.
Slowly, forcing my hands to be steady, I pushed the door open, and what I saw had a gasp tearing from
my throat.
“ric…”
→ +15 BONUS
All the breath had left my lungs and what came out of my mouth was an airy whisper, so I was certain he
couldn’t hear me.
My knees nearly buckled and I had to hold on to the railing that caged the short steps so I wouldn’t
tumble over them.
ric was hitting a punching bag with the utmost fervor I had ever seen.
And no, this wasn’t a regr punching bag. There were two of those hanging from the ceiling.
But the one ric was hitting constantly was studded all over with diamonds.
Diamonds that had almost turned red from the stain of ric’s blood. He was hurting himself.
“ric!” I gasped louder now, my chest heaving as I struggled to understand what I was looking at.
Just then, he turned to look at me. And he froze, his shoulder tensing as his eyes met mine.
I shook my head in disbelief. “What…”
The expression on his face was indifferent for a second, and then, as if something snapped inside of him, he turnedpletely cold. His eyes shed as he barked: “Leave.”
My head jerked back as if he had just pped me. And he might as well have, because there was no way he just spoke to me like that.
I swallowed, stepping toward him. “ric, your knuckles…”
They were bleeding onto the floor. There was blood everywhere on the diamond studded punching bag, on the floor around him, on his sweatpants and bare chest.
“You’re bleeding,” I pointed out, stupidly. But I didn’t know what else to say.
What would you say when you walked in to see someone deliberating hurting themselves hours after you.
were in bed together?
<i>” </i>
ric’s jaw twitched, and he raised his fists in front of him, eyes hard when he looked back at me. Smart,” he muttered. “Any more obvious thing you want to point out, Meadow?” His gaze dropped to my feet. “Stay back. Don’te any further.”
I didn’t stop. I was only a few feet away from him now. “But I just want to-”
“I. Said. Leave, Meadow. Now,” he voice went lower with every word.
I didn’t think it was possible for ric’s tone to turn colder, but it did. And it sent a dreadful shiver down my spine. Like taking another step closer to him would be an unwise thing to do.
But I wasn’t going away without a fight.
I swallowed thickly, forcing my voice to be steady. “So what? I’m only useful to you when you want me?” <b>I </b>scoffed, folding my arms in front of my chest. “I’m not your servant, ric. Neither am I one of your workers or your numerous whores, so you don’t get to dismiss me like that. Like I’m not your wife.<i>” </i>
He ran a hand through his hair. “Now is not the time to be stubborn, Meadow. I don’t need you here.” He lowered his voice. “Not when I’m like this.”
Something else shed in his eyes, but it was gone before I could even start to decipher what it was<b>. </b>My stomach twisted. “ric, look at yourself!” I snapped. “You’re hurting yourself on purpose and-”
“Exactly!” he hissed, stepping toward me so now we were only inches apart. “On purpose. Because I can’t feel a fucking thing, Meadow. I can’t feel a fucking thing!”
Something tugged hard at my chest as realization mmed into me. ric was doing this so he could feel something. Anything. Even if that thing was pain.
“You don’t know how long I’ve had to live with this,” he continued. “You don’t know what it’s like not to
feel someone tapping you to get your attention. You have no fucking idea what it’s like not to feel air
against your skin, not cold, not heat. Not PAIN. You don’t know what it’s like to be able to feel, and then
all of a sudden, your brain shuts down and you can’t feel anything. You have no idea what it’s like to be
me.”
I flinched.
“So forgive me for trying to fucking feel something, Meadow. And get the hell out of here or things are
going to get fucking ugly.”
The back of my eyelids burned with tears for him and for everything that he’s had to go through.
He could feel. ording to what he just said, he used to be able to feel…until he couldn’t.
And right now, one of the major things I wanted to know was what on earth had happened to him for his
brain to shut down on him like that.
And so I dared him. “What?” I bit out shakily, tilting my head at him. “Are you gonna hit me too? I mean,
maybe then at least you’d finally feel something.”