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I couldn’t decide what emotions I was feeling for this woman. It was a mess<b>, </b>swirling from one emotion to another. But the one I felt the most, that made it hard to breathe, was devastation.
Devastation that this wonderful woman wasn’t mine, that she didn’t know the depth of my feelings for her. And devastation that there was no <i>way </i>to show her the full depth of it.
If I could rip my chest open and show her how my heart was beating for her, God, I would do it.
And out of nowhere came a realization; I was in love with her.
My eyes grew wide, my hands dropping from her hips.
I was… I was in love with Rosette.
I’ve never been in love before, but what I was feeling? This emotion that was driving me to ruin and wreckage? It could only be described as love.
I’ve seen love and I’ve seen what it does to people.
Rosette stopped moving, her chest heaving, her eyebrows furrowed with worry. The soft look in her eyes ripped through my heart like a razor.
“Axel?” she called softly. “Are you okay?”
Was I? Fuck, I didn’t know anymore. I didn’t understand why I was so shocked. What did I think those strong emotions were? When I nearly went mad when she left? What else could cause that if it wasn’t love?
“I don’t know,” I answered in a whisper, reaching out slowly and cupping her face. I sat up, my face close to hers, my breathing harsh, all words failing me.
What the hell was I supposed to say? ‘I love you?‘ And she rejects me? What will I do, then?
Lust was a powerful emotion, almost as powerful as love, and I know that was what Rosette was feeling.
I kissed her since no words woulde to me, and I was too much of a coward to say those three words to her. I kissed her and hoped–fucking hope–that she would at least understand, she would catch a hint of what I was trying to tell her with my lips and tongue.
But of course she didn’t.
I broke the kiss, both our lips red and swollen, and she still looks worried.
I pulled out from her, and that was when I noticed I had gone soft. My thoughts didn’t linger on that as I pulled away from her. My body was beginning to shake, and I hated it, hated how I started shaking when things got too much for me.
<b>12:09 </b><b>Thu</b><b>, </b><b>Sep </b><b>11 </b>
46
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“Axel, what’s wrong?<b>” </b>she asked, still frowning as she used the nket to cover herself.
I shook my head, getting off the bed, picking up my pants from the floor with my stupid hands that wouldn’t stop shaking.
“Ten days,” I managed as I dragged my pants on without looking at her. “Ten days, Rosette, and I’ll tell you then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I left the room without once looking at her, picked up my shirt, and left her house without putting it on. I rested my back on her door when I got outside, inhaling and exhaling deeply, trying to get my shit together.
One of Rosette’s neighbors across the street was outside, and her eyes were fixed on me and my shirtless chest, but I didn’t pay her any mind.
Did people feel fear when they discovered they were in love? Did they want to punch a wall until either the wall or their hand breaks<b>? </b>
Love… Love was a damn intense emotion, and it made everythingplicated.
I finally managed to get my legs working and I moved to my apartment, dragging my feet. I searched for my keys when I got there, and when I didn’t find them, my frustration only increased.
“Fuck’s sake<i>,</i><i>” </i>I groaned as I punched through the door, breaking it and opening it from the other side. I staggered inside, mming the door and moving to my bar. I took out a bottle, unscrewing the bottle, but I paused with the bottle halfway to my mouth.
<b>I </b>sighed, cing it down. I couldn’t show up at her ce, hungover, and looking a mess. I would have to ovee this without the alcohol, then. I could do it.
I moved to my room, but I paused, retracing my steps back to the calendar I just passed. It seems the old owner didn’t take everything.
My eyes were fixed on a particr date as if <b>I </b>stared at it hard enough it would disappear, but it remained the
same.
Thirteenth.
That was exactly ten days from today, and it was going to be a full moon that night.
Now I knew whoever was in charge of the world was fucking with me.
“Ten days from today,” I whispered as if saying it out loud would make it register.
I would have to leave that day, whatever the results will be at the end of these ten days. I would have to leave London that day.
“What a fucking mess<b>.</b>”
I dragged myself to the room<b>, </b>tossing my shirt aside and falling face t onto the bed, sighing heavily.
I didn’t bother to shower because I was covered in her scent, and I didn’t want to wash it away. It surrounded
<b>12:09 </b><b>Thu</b><b>, </b><b>Sep </b><b>11 </b>
:
me like a cloak, filling my nose and clouding my senses.
“What a mess indeed.”
***
<b>46 </b>
10 vouchers
I stood before a mirror, fixing my hair and adjusting my tie, but then I scoffed, moving away from it.
I felt like a teenager who was picking his date for prom.
I was about to leave the house, but then I groaned, going back to the mirror.
I wanted to look good. More good than I have had for years. I had seen the way she looked at mest night, how her eyes traced my features, and I wanted her to look at me like that again today, but this time without the lust clouding her.
I stood in front of the mirror again, pushing my hair back from my face, but then it made my features too sharp. I brought it back to the front, but I looked too soft this time. I grabbed ab, pushing a half of my hair back and letting the other half remain in the front.
“Good,” I said to myself, nodding.
I picked up a single rose from therge bouquet I brought and left the door. I walked to her house with a bounce in my steps, trying–and miserably failing–not to look too excited.
I knocked on her door, inhaling as I waited. I knocked again when no answer came after a while, growing impatient.
The door finally opened, and I opened my mouth, about to say whatever chose to pop out, but the words— and my excitement–died down when I saw a man.