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Christian has asked me several times if I’m okay, so I know I’m not hiding this well. He’s already asked me if Sebastiana said something to me, so he must have seen us talking even though I thought we were being casual.
Part of me feels sick to my stomach. What if he rejects me? What if he tries to ‘let me down easy‘? What if being with me isn’t as important to him as me going to the Academy is? What if … what if he’s just tolerating me?
Once we’re in Shane’s office, he leans against the desk in the sexy way
that he has.
“Talk to me.”
I begin pacing, trying to find the nerve to say what I want to say.
“I have a proposition for you.”
He slides his hand through his hair. I watch that wayward curl drop back over his forehead. “Okay, what is it.”
“You want me to go to the Academy,” I begin.
“I want you to want to go to the Academy, there’s a difference,” he
says.
Well shit. How big of a difference is it?
I think about Sebastiána. How would she handle this. And then it hits me. She already did.
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“I would be willing to go to the Academy, to take the sses, to even try to get on the leaderboard. But I have a request.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “What is your request?”
“I’m like Sebastiana. I don’t want to go to the Academy as a virgin being with some strange Alpha that I’ve never met before and having my first time be with him. I want … I want my first time to be special. I want it to be with someone I care about. I want you to be my first, Christian.”
I feel like I’ve stripped myself bare and I’m waiting for his judgement of whether or not he finds me worthy.
“First of all, you don’t have to take the sex sses at the Academy. I’m thrilled and honored that you want me to be your first, Enya. But it doesn’t have to be because you decide to go to the Academy.”
“If I try to get on the leaderboard, it does though, right?” I ask.
“Taking the sex ss makes it easier, yes. There are a lot of points in the sex ss and nearly every Alpha takes the ss, so yes, it makes it easier to get on the leaderboard But it’s not a requirement.”
“If I’m going to go to the Academy, I want to try to get on the leaderboard. I know I may not be the best candidate, but I’m still an Alpha and I’m pretty damnpetitive.”
He smiles at me. “I know, I’ve seen you on the sparring field. You’re fucking fantastic.”
He looks down and sighs before looking back up at me. “What do you want from me, Enya?”
“I want you to stop resisting me, Christian. If you’re being honest, then you have feelings for me, just like I have for you. If I go to the
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Academy, I don’t want to experience EVERYTHING for the first time. I’d like for some things to at least feel somewhat normal. You’re number one on the leaderboard, which makes me believe that you’d make sure my first time was good for me. But more than that, I want it to be you, Christian. I want this memory of you forever. I know you’re an honorable man. I know you’re a good person. I want my first time to be with someone that I know that I can trust, someone that I care about and I think cares about me too,” I whisper.
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