apter 115: Sebastian
Sebastian
Goddess, it felt good to have Christina in my arms again. I have every intention of talking to her tonight. Tomorrow, we board the Train to head home. I don’t want to leave things unsaid. I need to finally tell her that I’m in love with her. I need her to understand that I want a life with her. I’m anxious to have my time with her, but I know we’re not yet done with the graduation ceremony. The graduation celebration usually goes on until early in the morning.
Once Tyler is seated again, James holds up his hands for silence.
“On this, ourst night together, I like to give everyone an opportunity to say something. Over the course of our time together, we developsting bonds, friendships forged through the fires that you’ve faced and ovee. But we also be something of a pack together, friends and family. So, I like to give everyone a chance to say something, to thank each other, or just say what this semester has meant to you,” James says.
It’s quiet a moment, then Will stands. “I’ll start. I knew, almost immediately, that this semester was going to be a good one. I had no idea just how good it was going to be. I’ve enjoyed every moment of being here with all of you this semester, to watch you grow and flourish into the young Alphas that you have be. I feel so proud to have been a part of your journey and I’m honored to have been here to see this momentous asion of three of you making it to the leaderboard. Thank you for
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letting me be a part of this and I hope you’ll let mee back. again, at least once a year,” he says to James.
“If your mate will let you, we’ll be d to have you.”
Benjamin and Daniel both stand, talking about how this experience has exceeded their initial expectations of being here. and how much being a part of this has changed them for the better.
I know others will talk, but as an instructor, we usually start out the night, so I stand.
“Not many of you know that I went through something of my own hell week at the same time all you did. This semester, unlike the others that I’ve participated in, has forced me to look at myself, and my life, just as you all have done. Being with all of you, watching you grow and push yourselves through the issues that were holding you back encouraged me to do the same. I’m so proud of all of you for what you have achieved and I’m proud to call all of you my fellow Alphas. I do hope to hear from you in the future, when you find your mates and have your pups.”
I try not to look at Christina when I sit, but I can’t help myself. My eyes are constantly drawn to her. She has a sad smile on her face that doesn’t bode well for our conversationter.
“Can I go next?” Noah asks, standing up, making all of us chuckle.
“Go for it, Alpha Noah,” James says.
“Well first, I want to thank all of the instructors. Without you, none of us would have been pushed to bing the stronger individuals we are today. Second, I want to thank Christina. You
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helped me in so many ways this semester. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Obviously, the whole Emma thing was huge, but you also showed me how to believe <b>in </b>myself and ovee. obstacles. That’s something that will stay with me forever. And finally, Luna Jo,” he says turning to her. She shakes her head at him.
“I know you don’t want me to say it, but I’m going to anyway. You’re an amazing woman and I wish you could have been my mate.”
“Call me when you meet her, Noah. I want to hear all about her,” she says.
“I will Luna.”
They go around the room, Liam thanking his fellow Alphas and Mia for getting him in line early on. Logan thanks everyone for helping him and believing in him even after he was an asshole. Tyler thanks everyone for supporting him and being there for him when he struggled with being here and taking over for his brother. Ezra thanks everyone for being part of his journey and helping him to realize that he doesn’t have to be perfect or have all the answers.
Christina is thest to stand and my stomach clenches when she does. “First, I’d like to thank all of the assistants. You helped cover for me this semester so I could take the sses. You are all dear friends to me, and I thank you so much for all of your hard work.”
I watch her, not at all surprised that she remembered to thank the assistants.
“To all of my instructors, thank you for pushing me to be better.
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Thank you for encouraging me to take the sses and be the Alpha that everyone saw in me, but that I couldn’t see in myself. And to my fellow ssmates, what a fucking ride,” she says, making them allugh. “I feel like we’ve all be. friends, but Tyler and Ezra, you feel more like brothers to me. If you don’t keep in touch with me, I swear I’lle kick your asses,” she says, making everyoneugh again. Then she turns
to me.
“I know you said I did it, but I couldn’t have done it without your undying support, Sebastian. You pushed me, challenged me, gave me a safe space to spread my wings and learn to fly. You, more than anyone, are the reason that I’ll be walking into my brother’s packhouse with this bright, shiny number two around my neck. You’ve taught me a lot about what I want in this life. Thank you.”
I nod, but something in my gut twists. Her words feel like a
goodbye.
Afterward, someone turns on music and the drinks start flowing. We all end up helping clean up and putting the dishes away for the week that the Academy will be empty.
It’s early in the morning before I finally get a chance to pull Christina aside.
“Christina, can we please talk?”
She nods. “Why don’t we go outside where we can have some privacy.<i>” </i>
As soon as we step outside, I turn to her.
“Christina, I…” She stops, putting her fingers on my lips.
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“I’ve done a lot of thinking this week. You taught me to get out of the shadows and now that I have, I can’t go back. I can’t live in the shadow of your dead mate, Sebastian. I love you. I fell in love with you. But I realized this week that that’s not enough for me. I never found my fated mate, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want someone to love me like that, someone to love me like I’m the only one in the world that matters, like I’m the other half of their soul. I don’t want to be second best. I deserve more
than that. I WANT more than that. I understand that Suzanne was your fated mate, and I could neverpete with that, nor would I want to. I’m happy that you had that in your life. But I want it in my life, too. I deserve that kind of happiness. <b>I </b>meant. every word I said in there tonight, Sebastian. If it weren’t for you, I never would have grown as much as I did this semester. But because I have grown, I can’t ept less than everything from someone. I’m out of the shadows and I intend to stay there.”
“I love you too, Christina,” I say fiercely. She is ending things and it’s breaking my heart.
“I know you do, Sebastian, as much as you can. But it’s not enough for me. I need more, than the love you can give me. need it all, your whole heart, and it’s not yours to give.”
My throat feels so tight that I can’t speak. I feel like I can barely breathe. She turns to leave.
“Christina …”
“Goodbye, Sebastian,”
I stand, watching her walk away, feeling like my heart is shattering into a million tiny pieces.
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