Carry 46_The Lost Pack

** Paige’s POV **

 1

 I wake up with that prickling feeling that I’m being watched. It doesn’t feel creepy or scary

 though, it feelsforting somehow. Like I’m being watched over by one of my mates. I try to guess which one before I open my eyes. I’m still new to this whole mate–bond thing, but

 I’m determined to work it all out.

 I immediately rule out Remy. The hum of energy I feel is too calm. It’s not got Ryder’s fiery passion either. The obvious answer would be Parker. He was here when I fell asleep, but that

 doesn’t feel right either. I don’t have theplete sense of peace he brings me. This feels more like Callen, mostly calm but with an undercurrent of something wilder that can flip in ant

 instant.

 I stretch on the couch, surprised at how well I’d slept on it.

 “Watching people sleep is kind of creepy, you know?” I tease as I open my eyes to look at

 him.

 He smiles at me and shrugs. “If admiring my mate is creepy, then fine, call me creepy.”

 I sit up, rubbing a hand over my face and attempting to straighten my hair, which probably resembles a bird’s nest. Callen picks up a mug from the coffee table and hands it to me.

 “Fine, you can be creepy as long as you keep bringing me caffeine,” I say before taking a sip. of the freshly brewed coffee. “What time is it?”

 “Almost seven. Jax is still sleeping.

 I nod. “Where is everyone?”

 “Ryder went to grab a few hours of sleep. Parker is out on patrol, and Remy is… I don’t know where he is,” he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.

 “I assume it didn’t go well with himst night then?”

 “Not really, no,” he shakes his head and moves to sit beside me. “He’s just so pigheaded. It’s like he hates himself and thinks he doesn’t deserve a chance at happiness. He’s always been

 this way.

 but I thought he was getting better, that he had started to believe he was worthy of being loved.” 

 “Tell me about him,” I say quietly, not just because I want to understand Remy better, but

 because I feel like Callen needs to talk this through with someone willing to listen.

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 Callen leans forward, elbows resting on his knees, eyes locked on the floor like the answers might be hiding in the grain of the wooden floorboards. “He’s the kind of person who’ll bleed out before asking for help. Always has been. Even when he was a kid, Parker said he’d take the fall for things others did, just so no one else got punished. The other kids took advantage of him for it, even turned cruel. He’de home bruised and bloody, and say he’d fallen, but Parker knew it was a lie. They joke about it now, but I still see the pain there. He’s still so guarded around most people.”

 1 sip the coffee slowly, letting his words sink in. It’s hard to picture that version of Remy, but it fits with how he is now. My heart aches for the younger version of him, at the thought of his childhood without his parents to protect him. I can’t stop my imagination from conjuring up images of something like that happening to Jaxon, and that almost breaks me.

 “Why didn’t anyone put a stop to it?” I ask.

 “There wasn’t really anyone who could. You have to remember that Ronnie was basically raising a pack of kids alone. He thought the older kids were looking after the younger ones, but they were all just damaged kids that didn’t know what they were doing. Ronnie patrolled alone to keep them safe from outside danger and made sure they were clothed and fed, but

 he didn’t know what happened when he wasn’t around. He was one man ying alpha, beta,

 enforcer, and father.”

 “It had to be so hard for everyone to move on like that, with so much loss. Ronnie did well to

 raise all those kids alone.”

 “Remy is a good guy, Paige,” Callen continues, softer now. “He’s just terrified of feeling too

 much. Of letting someone in and then losing them. He hides behind sarcasm and anger, but

 underneath it all? He feels everything way too deeply, and I think the bond between me and

 you, and now you and him, scares the hell out of him.”

 I

 I nce over at Callen, my chest tightening further. I swallow hard, guilt creeping in even

 though I’ve done nothing wrong. “He looks at me like he can’t stand me sometimes.”

 Callen shakes his head. “No, he looks at you like he can’t afford to want you. He’s trying to

 protect himself, and probably you too, in his own messed–up way. He doesn’t hate you, Paige. He hates that he wants something he doesn’t believe he’s allowed to have.”

 I stare into my coffee, unsure what to say to that, but suddenly, I don’t feel quite so frustrated at Remy anymore. Just… sad for him, and maybe a little curious about the man he keeps

 ? Chapter 46

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 buried beneath the walls he’s built.

 I

 “So what am I supposed to do?” I ask. “Because I can’t tiptoe around him for the rest of my

 life. If this is going to work with any of us, Remy needs to be on board too.”

 “For now, nothing. Let him work through his own sh*t. When he’s ready, he’lle home, and

 then we’ll show him. We let him see you’re here to stay and that you’re not here to take

 anything from him, or hurt anyone.”

 “Okay.” I sigh. “I can’t say I’m entirely happy with this n, because I don’t think I should have to prove myself to anyone, but if this is how we move forward, then I’ll try it your way.”

 Callen shifts beside me, suddenly looking ufortable. When he speaks, he seems hesitant, nervous even. “There was something else I wanted to talk to you about, because we never really rified any boundaries. I know all this is new, this idea of sharing, and that what

 you saw between me and Remy confused you. I wanted to see if you were actually okay with

 it, though. If you are okay with me and Remy being together.”

 I blow out a breath and lean back against the back of the couch, watching Callen as he

 bounces one leg. How do I answer this?

 Am I okay with him and Remy having a romantic rtionship?

 Would it even be fair to say no when I have four mates?

 Do I have a right to tell them no when I’m the oneing into an already–established

 rtionship?

 There are so many questions, and none of them that I have a simple answer for.

 I stare at the half–empty mug in my hands, wishing it had some answers for me or the right

 words to give Callen. My heart feels tight, tangled up in too many conflicting feelings to make

 sense of.

 “I don’t know,” I admit quietly. “I wish I had a clear answer for you, but I don’t.”

 Callen stills, the bounce of his leg stopping mid–motion. I see the tension in his shoulders, the way he braces himself for the worst, and it makes me want to reach out and ease it, but I

 still don’t know how.

 “It’s not that I don’t understand,” I say. “Or that I don’t want you to be happy. I think I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this. You, Remy, Ryder, Parker. This whole new life, and then there’s this history between you and Remy, and the bond between us… it’s a lot. I don’t

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 want to make promises I don’t fully understand yet.”

 He nods once. “That’s fair.”

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 “But,” I continue, and his head lifts slightly, turning to look at me with hope flickering in his eyes. “For now… yes. I think I’m okay with it. I want to be okay with it. I’m just not sure how I’ll feel if Remy ultimately decides he doesn’t want to be part of this group, part of us. If he walks awaypletely…”

 I trail off, unsure how to finish that sentence without epting the ache that thought brings with it. I might not particrly like Remy right now, but the idea of never getting a chance with him hurts in ways I didn’t expect.

 Callen doesn’t push. He doesn’t try to convince me or offer empty reassurances. Instead, he reaches out andys his hand gently over mine. “If he walks away, we’ll reassess together.”

 His words bring a strange sense of peace, and for now, that feels like enough.

 “You can’t tell him that, though. I don’t want it to be the reason he gives me a chance,” I add.

 Callen nods. “Of course. I wouldn’t want that. When hees around, and he will, I don’t

 want you to have any doubts about the reason why.”

 We sit there in the quiet, our hands still joined, when the soft thud of footsteps draws our

 attention to the stairs. Ryder appears at the bottom, shirtless and half–asleep, hair tousled from sleep and his eyes still heavy with exhaustion.

 “Well, this is a cosy little scene,” he says, his voice still rough with sleep but warm with amusement as his gaze settles on our joined hands. “You two going to invite me to the coffee party, or should I go back upstairs and pretend I didn’t see anything?”

 Callen rolls his eyes but smiles. “There’s a fresh pot in the kitchen. Knock yourself out.”

 He walks into the room, picks up Callen’s cup from the coffee table and knocks it back,

 before leaning over to kiss the top of my head.

 “You’re such an ass sometimes, Rye,” Callen huffs.

 “Half a tepid cup of coffee is not much to take after the amount of blood I’ve had to give you this week,” Ryder grins, and Cal throws a cushion at him. “Who wants a refill?”

 “Thanks.” I hold out my almost empty cup, and he takes it before turning towards the kitchen.

 “Where’s Jax?” he asks over his shoulder.

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 “Still sleeping,” Callen answers, getting up to follow him in.

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 I get up too, moving to the kitchen ind as Rye takes another mug from the cupboard.” Good. That gives me time to prepare before he demands cereal and a full reenactment of yesterday’s cartoon episode.”

 “You love it,” I tease, watching the way his mouth stretches into a smile.

 “Of course I do,” he mutters, pouring his coffee.

 And just like that, all the heaviness fromst night starts to ease. My confusion and fears are still there, but they’re softened now by the warm, real presence of these men around me.

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Carry 46