Carry 31_The Lost Pack

**Paige’s POV **

 of the walk home

 I don’t remember most of the walk home.

 Ryder had shown Jax interesting things in the woods. A rabbit burrow and mushrooms that he should never touch, while Jaxon chattered about his bath toys and how many trucks he can fit in his backpack. I had barely taken half their conversations in because my head was somewhere else entirely.

 Somewhere between Callen and Remy.

 It’s reying the way Remy tilted his face to the sun and let himself be kissed like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

 I swallow down the lump in my throat as we walk up the path to my door. The house looks the same, small and warm and familiar, but today it feels like a hiding ce. Or a cage… maybe both.

 Jaxon bolts inside as soon as I unlock the door, flinging his shoes off and yelling. “I’m getting the red

 truck!” over his shoulder, Ryder follows him in with augh, and I trail after, slower.

 I should feelfortable here. This is my space. But it’s not the escape I’d thought, because I can’t shake that image of Callen and Remy.

 I lean against the kitchen counter, trying to breathe.

 I know it wasn’t just about s*x for them. If it were, I could maybe write it off. Maybe pretend it was some primal wolf thing, some leftover need. But it wasn’t. Not with the way they looked at each other. Not with

 the way I looked at them.

 I rub a hand down my face and close my eyes. God, I’m a mess.

 “Hey.” Ryder’s voice is soft as he enters the kitchen. “Shall I make you some tea?”

 I nod without answering. He moves around like he’s been here a hundred times. It’s too easy, too domestic, and it makes something inside me ache even more.

 I watch Jaxon through the open door with a smile as he spreads his toys across the living room floor like he’s building a fortress. Seeing him happy is the best medicine for anything.

 “I know something’s up,” Ryder says eventually, cing a mug in front of me and standing across from me.

 I wrap my hands around the warm cup but don’t drink. “It’s nothing.” I lie, not even trying to make it convincing

 He doesn’t push, but his silence says enough.

 I wanted toe here to get space, to escape the confusion wing through me. Which was pointless, because I’ve brought it with me. It’s sitting in my gut, spinning around my mind and making me question myself.

 Chapter

 I want to

 to hate them. I want to scream, demand why no one warned me what it would feel like to be caught between so many people, so many new feelings. I feel like I’m unraveling thread by thread, revealing at different person to who I thought I was. I want to be just one thing. One person. With one heart, but I’m

 not.

 My pulse kicks up again, and I press a hand to my forehead.

 I think about the way Callen kissed me, firm and certain, and then the way he kissed Remy, just as hungry, just as full of something real and dangerous and consuming. The two of them together didn’t feel like a betrayal, it felt like an awakening.

 What does it say that I didn’t want to pull them apart… I wanted to join them?

 Just the thought of doing that causes a quiet whimper to slip from my throat before I can stop it. I cover it

 with a sip of tea, my fingers trembling against the mug.

 Ryder watches me, his expression unreadable.

 “You don’t have to talk,” he says gently. “But I’m here. If you want to.”

 That makes me feel worse. He’s trying so hard, giving me space to process what is happening whilst letting me know he’s here. Poor guy is probably worried I’m having doubts about him and Callen, but the truth is, I don’t know what I want right now. I don’t know who I want. Who I’m allowed to want.

 Am I even me anymore? Or just some girl whose choices are being rewritten by fate and biology.

 I have two mates already. One who left me. One I barely know. Is there now a third? Could this be what I’m feeling? Is it even possible?

 This mate bond thing is so messy and I don’t understand it. I don’t know how much of what I feel is real and how much is some magical wolf bond.

 Afterst night, I had started to ept that it could actually work. That I could find my ce between Ryder and Callen.

 But after what I’d seen this morning, I don’t know where I fit in this story anymore.

 All I know is that I’m already in too deep… and it’s only going to get harder from here.

 A knock at the door has my heart racing.

 Poppy will be in ss, so it’s not her.

 Has Callene to demand an exnation?

 Has Greg found us? 

 “It’s P

 Parker,” Ryder says, moving towards the door.

 Thank goodness, but how did he know we were here?

 “Hey, sorry Remy said you were here, so I thought I’d call in while I was passing to check that everything is

 okay,” I hear Parker say.

 I lean back against the counter to look at the door from the kitchen, but Ryder’s broad back blocks out

 Parker.

 “Yeah, we just came to get some of Jax’s toys,” Ryder says. “Everything okay with the school run?”

 “Yeah, the pups were good, as usual. Regina asked if Jaxon will join the pack kids on the school run from

 next week.”

 “Wow, news travels fast,” Rye halfughs. “I’ll discuss it with Paige.”

 I ce my cup on the counter, moving towards the door to find out what they mean by joining the pack.

 kids.

 “Callen told her yesterday when he picked Jax up. I don’t know if she’s told anyone else yet, but word will travel that you have a son. An alpha heir is a big deal for the pack. You’ll have to make an announcement

 soon.”

 “I know.” Ryder nods and turns to face me as I near him.

 I see Parker then, and when our eyes meet, they seem to light up, causing butterflies to flutter in my

 stomach, and… why am I smiling?

 Oh hell.

 What is going on with these men?

 I’m I just some kind of wh*re for supernatural men?

 Is this some pheromone they give off that attracts humans to them?

 “What’s that about the school run?” I ask, trying to act like I’m not two seconds away from throwing myself

 at him.

 “Regina takes all the pack kids to and from school. One of us escorts them,” Ryder exins, putting a

 hand on the small of my back as I stand beside him.

 The touch is so light and innocent, but my body feels so sensitive right now. It craves contact, no matter how brief. My brain malfunctions for a second, but I pass it off as contemtion.

 “I’d rather take him myself,” I say quietly, ncing over my shoulder to check on Jax. He is busy ying. not noticing us or our conversation. “Besides, he doesn’t know what a pack is, or that he is a part of one. He’s going to need some time to adapt.”

 Parker nods. “Of course. No one’s pushing anything. Regina just thought it might help him settle faster if he feels a part of the pack, but there’s no rush.“

 I nod, biting my lip. Everything’s changing so fast, and I’m still catching up. Jaxon is adapting better than ! am, but that could change when he finds out what his father is… what he is.

 ? Chapter 31

 Ryder caresses my back before letting his hand fall away. “We’ll take it slow,” he agrees.

 Parker shrugs. “Anyway, I should get going. Just wanted to check in.”

 “Do you want toe in?” I hear myself ask before I’ve had time to second guess it.

 I

 I mentally p my hand over my mouth. Why did I say that?

 He hesitates, just a second, but it’s enough to make my stomach twist with uncertainty. He shares a look. with Ryder, then nods before stepping through the doorway with a smile that makes something in me

 tighten.

 I step back to give him space, and when he brushes past me, with the faintest of touches, my breath

 catches.

 Parker nces into the living room. “Hey, Jax.” 

 “Hi!” Jaxon says without even looking up, fully engrossed in whatever battle is raging between his red

 truck and the Lego dinosaur.

 Parker chuckles and leans against the wall. His arms crossed over his chest, but I don’t miss the way eyes flick toward me. I don’t miss how that look hits me, either.

 I take a small step back. I need space. I need air.

 “I should probably… check on theundry,” I say.

 “There’sundry?” Ryder asks with a smirk, and I re at him.

 “There’s alwaysundry

 Heughs quietly and steps into the living room to join Jaxon. I brush past Parker on the way to the hallway, and I don’t know if I imagine it, but I swear I hear him inhale, like he’s breathing me in.

 I push into the bathroom and press my back to the wall.

 What the hell is wrong with me?

 his

 I’ve slept with Callen and Ryder. I’ve imagined things I shouldn’t with Remy and Callen together, and now Parker, who has never so much as flirted with me, is suddenly setting off every nerve ending in my body just by standing in my doorway? 

 I squeeze my eyes shut and press my fingers to my temples. This can’t all be normal.

 Is this how the mate bond starts? Is it always this chaotic? Could this be the pull Callen warned me about? Because he failed to mention it would pull me in so many directions at once.

 I feel like I’m starving for something I don’t understand. And I don’t know if it’sing from me or from

 them.

 After a minute, I head back into the kitchen, trying to act normal, like I haven’t just been losing my mind in the bathroom.

 Ryder is crouched on the floor, helping Jaxon attach Lego pieces to his fortress, and Parker is on one of

 the kitchen chairs..

 “I’m sorry,” I say. “For being weird.”

 I

 “You’re not,” Parker shrugs. “You’re overwhelmed. Anyone would be.”

 His voice is gentle. Too gentle. It makes me want to cry.

 I don’t know what it is about Parker, this man I barely know, but he makes me want to confess everything.

 He feels like a safe person to confide in who will never judge me.

 “I don’t know who I’m supposed to be in all this,” I admit. “It’s like I woke up in a life I don’t recognise anymore, and everyone else already knows the rules.” 

 “You don’t have to do it all at once,” he says, “and you don’t have to do it alone.”

 I nce up at him and something in his eyes makes me want to go to him. To have him hold me and tell

 me everything is okay and what I’m feeling is totally normal. Because this is all too much and not enough

 all the same time.

 NO Darling

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Carry 31