Carry 18_The Lost Pack

**Ryder’s POV **

 I still feel like this is all some crazy dream. Maybe I hit my head, and I’m in aa, and any minute now I’m going to wake up. It doesn’t feel real, sitting on my couch, Xbox controller in hand, my son beside me. My son. A living, breathing little person who looks like me and smiles like Paige.

 “That’s it. Now go faster!” Jaxon cheers, bouncing in his seat as I drive my virtual car around the track and then straight into a wall for the third time.

 I’ve yed this racing game a thousand times. I can beat everyone, except Parker. But tonight? I’m happily getting smoked by a six–year–old just to hear the joy in his voice. I’d lose every race for the rest of my life if it meant he’d keep looking at me like I’m his hero.

 When he beats me again, for the second time, he doesn’t brag. He just pats my arm and says, “It’s okay, you were closer that time.” No teasing, no smug smile. Just kindness. Paige has raised him so well it makes my chest ache. He’s got this soft heart and bright spirit. So polite and full ofpassion. I want to wrap him up and never let anyone dim his light.

 Every time I look at him, I want to cry. Not just with mourning for everything I’ve missed, but with sheer pride. He’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.

 I can’t wait to introduce him to the pack, especially to Ronnie, my mentor and father, in every way that counts. Ronnie is going to lose it. He will love this boy like his own grandson. I just know it.

 “I heard you started at your new school today. Did you like it?” I ask, trying to remember how to hold a

 casual conversation.

 “Yeah, it was super cool. Better than my old one.

 “Good. I think you will enjoy living here.”

 “Me too, but I miss Greg. Maybe he cane too,” he says, his voice a little quieter.

 “Is that your friend?”

 “No, he’s my stepdad. I can’t wait to tell him Mummy found you. He will be so surprised because he thinks you are a ghost,” he giggles innocently.

 I grip the controller a little too hard, hearing a slight crack as I fight hard to suppress a growl at the mention of another man near my mate. A man my son cells stepdad.

 A ghost? That’s what this guy told my son? That his real dad is dead, or some kind of myth?

 “Why does he think I’m a ghost?” I manage, forcing my one to stay light.

 “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “He says my mum needs to stop waiting for your ghost, and it makes her cry, but you’re not a ghost, so she doesn’t need to cry anymore.”

 I know I shouldn’t pry, not like this. I should ask Paigether than our son, but I have to know. “Does she cry a lot?”

 “No. Not really. Just when Greg is in a bad mood, or when we visit Granny and Grandads grave.”

 That ignites something in me. He might have helped raise my son when I couldn’t, but I already hate this

 guy. I hope he’s long gone. No one should ever make her cry… but hadn’t I made her cry just today? Hadn’t I made her cry six years ago?

 “So, what do you like to do for fun?” I ask, needing to change the subject before Ibust with anger.

 That gets him talking again, and I listen as Jaxon talks about robots and painting. He tells me about trips to the zoo with his mum and swimming with Auntie Pops. can’t imagine how Poppy looks now. She was in her awkward teenager stage thest time I saw her, but bet she turned out just as pretty as her sister. My heart twinges with guilt. I missed so much. She should have been the little sister I never had. I should have been there to support them all when Mr and Mrs Wilson passed away. I should have been a part of their lives.

 Jaxon goes quiet as he focuses on his race. The sheer determination on his face and the way he sticks out the tip of his tongue when he’s concentrating are adorable. may be biased, but Paige and I have created a good- looking kid.

 I hear Paige and Parker talking outside, and I tune in just enough to catch her saying she likes the house. Our house. I want it to be hers, too. To feel like hers. I know we will need to build Remy and Parker their own ce soon. I doubt Paige will befortable with them living here, too. Hell, she’s not evenfortable with me and Callen living here.

 I hear Callene in and dash upstairs. Momentster, hees back down, and bottles clink in the kitchen before he heads out the front with Paige and Parker.

 I should be out there, beside her. Trying to fix what I broke. But I’m here, glued to the couch with this little boy I’d move heaven and earth for. I don’t even know what I’d say to her if I went out there. Words have never been my strong suit.

 “I need the toilet,” Jax says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

 “Oh… Uh… do you go on your own?” I ask, feeling totally lost.

 “Yes, silly! I’m a big boy. But I don’t know where the bathroom is,” he giggles.

 I’m not sure how I would have dealt with that if he needed help. I want to be his father and do fatherly things, but I’m unsure if Paige would have been impressed or angry with me for taking him to the bathroom.

 “Of course you are. Come on, I’ll show you.

 I put down the controller and stand, holding a hand out to him. His small hand slips into mine and a rush of love like no other flows through me. How can this perfect little boy be mine?

 Even if Paige rejects me, I’ll still be the luckiest man alive to have Jaxon. I can’t wait to tell him what he is, to guide him as he grows and reaches his full potential. He has no idea how important he is, not just to me, but to this pack that he will one day lead.

 “Here we are,” I say as I push open the bathroom door and flick the light on.

 “Woah!” Jaxon says as the spotlights bathe the room ight and reveal the bathroom I’d spent so long installing.

 The walls and floor are all honey–coloured wood. The toilet and sink are nothing special, but the raised tform at the back with therge jacuzzi–style bath sunk into it is what has Jaxon staring, openmouthed,

 into the room.

 “Do you like it?”

 “It’s gigantic. I could swim in there,” he says, moving to get a closer look.

 “Maybe you can try it out tomorrow,” I grin. “If your mum says it’s okay.”

 “I bet she says yes. She is always making me have baths.‘

 “Okay, well, we can ask herter. I’ll be outside, shout if you need me,” I say, backing out and closing the door so he can use the bathroom.

 Whilst I wait, I listen in on Paige again and catch Callen negotiating with her about staying here. I rub the back of my neck as I listen to her argument and then smile when she agrees to stay, even if it’s just for tonight. We can work on convincing her to move in tomorrow. At least for tonight, I’ll have my son and mate here with me, where they belong.

 “Dad!” Jaxon calls and my heart swells to hear him calling me dad.

 “Are you okay?”

 “I can’t reach the soap,” he says with a grunt.

 I push open the door and catch him jumping and trying to reach the soap dispenser that sits in a cradle beside the mirror. I’ll need to lower that. I stride over and lift the bottle from the holder, pumping some into his open hand before cing it down on the sink where he can reach it next time.

 “Thanks,” he says, and I can’t keep the grin from my face.

 I ruffle his hair, overwhelmed by how something so small, so normal, can mean so much. He called me Dad. He trusted me. He needs me.

 And I’m never going to let him down again.

 We step out of the bathroom just as Callen, Paige, and Parkere in through the front door. Paige’s eyes meet mine for a split second, making my heart skip a beat before her eyes soften as they shift to Jaxon.

 “Mummy! You have to see this,” he says, running to her, taking her hand, and pulling her towards the bathroom.

 I step back, giving her space as she follows Jaxon into the bathroom.

 “Daddy said I can try it out tomorrow.”

 “Did he now. I hope he ns to supervise you, because I think you might get lost in there,” she says, Her tone is light, but I can sense some irritation.

 “Only if that’s okay with you. I said we would ask.”

 She nces over at me again. There’s something guardet in her eyes, but softer than before. Maybe it’s the way Jaxon is practically vibrating with excitement besi her, or maybe she just doesn’t have the energy to keep her walls all the way up.

 “We’ll see,” she says, brushing a hand over Jaxon’s hair “It’s a nice bathroom, I’ll give you that.”

 “It took me nearly a month to finish. I wanted it to be somewhere peaceful,” I say, rubbing the back of my

 neck.

 She looks at me for a moment, and then she nods before turning her attention back to Jaxon.

 “Come on, let’s get you ready for bed. You’ve had a big day.”

 “But I’m not tired!” Jaxon whines, dragging his feet dramatically.

 “You say that now,” she says with augh, already steering him out of the bathroom. “Give it ten minutes, and you’ll be snoring like a grizzly bear.”

 “I don’t snore!” He protests, looking up at me for backup.

 “I don’t know, bud. You kinda look like a snorer,” I grin

 He gasps, betrayed, and then giggles. “You do too.”

 “You got me there,” I say, holding up my hands in surrender.

 “This way,” Parker says, leading them upstairs.

 I hang back, unsure whether to follow or give her space. Paige pauses halfway up the stairs and nces back at me over her shoulder, gifting me the smallest of smiles before continuing up the stairs with our son.

 Callen ps me on the shoulder. “Come on. You look like you could use a beer.”

 I follow him into the kitchen and take the bottle he pulls from the fridge. Cracking it open and taking a long

 swig.

 “You did good tonight. Let her see that. Just be there for them both in any way she will allow,” he says.

 I nod, the weight of it all pressing down on me in the best and worst way. My mate is upstairs, tucking our son into bed. They’re here. And for the first time in a long time, I have hope.

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Carry 18