<b>Chapter </b><b>70 </b>


    E


    The restaurant was cozy and warm, with soft lighting that made everything feel intimate andfortable. We got a table by the window, and I could see people walking by on the street outside,ughing and holding hands and swinging their shopping bags.


    Real families. Real couples.


    “I’m sorry,” I said to Lilith as soon as we’d ordered our food. “I didn’t mean to pry about your past. That was


    rude of me.”


    Lilith shook her head. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just…plicated.”


    I waited, not wanting to push again but hoping she’d continue.


    “The truth is,” she said, looking down at her hands, “I do view you as a daughter. More than that, actually. You are a daughter to me, E. The daughter I never got to raise.<i>” </i>She sniffled and hesitated for a long moment, then whispered, “I did have a child. A little girl.”


    My eyebrows shot up. This was the first time I had ever heard of Lilith having a child. I’d always wondered, but she had never mentioned having a daughter, not even once. If anything, I’d thought that she had simply never married and had kids.


    “Did something happen to her?” I asked, dreading the answer.


    “She’s alive,” Lilith said quickly. “She’s alive and well. She just… she doesn’t know about me.”


    I frowned. “What do you mean?”


    “She hasn’t seen me since she was a baby. Less than a year old.” Lilith sighed and tucked a strand of silver hair behind her ear. “But I’ve been watching over her, unbeknownst to her, all these years. Making sure she’s safe, making sure she’s happy.” Sheughed bitterly. “Although sometimes I don’t think I’ve done the best job of that.”


    “So <i>you </i>watch her, but she doesn’t know you’re there?”


    Lilith nodded sadly. “Something like that. We’ve actually interacted before, many times, but she has no idea


    who I really am.”


    That took me by surprise. Was she too shy to admit who she was? “Lilith, why haven’t you told her who you


    are?” I asked.


    “It’splicated.”


    “Everything’splicated,” I said gently. “But surely she’d want to know her mother. Surely she’d be happy


    to find out you’re alive and that you care about her.”


    Lilith’s eyes filled with tears again. “I don’t know. What if she hates me? What if she thinks I abandoned


    her?”


    “Did you? Abandon her?”


    “No. Never. I would never have chosen to leave her.” The pain in her voice was raw enough to make me choke up. “But circumstances… sometimes circumstances make the choice for you.”


    I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but it didn’t matter. “Then tell her that,” I said. “Exin what happened. Lilith, take it from someone who never got to meet her mother–she would want to know you. Even if it’splicated, even if it’s hard, she would want you in her life.”


    “You think so?”


    “I know so. My mother died when I was a baby, just like your daughter was when youst saw her. And even though I don’t remember her at all, I think about her every single day. I wonder what her voice sounded like, what herugh was like, whether she would have been proud of me.”


    My own eyes were getting watery now. “If someone came to me tomorrow and told me my mother was actually alive somewhere, watching over me, caring about me… it would be the best day of my life.”


    Lilith just stared at me in shock, her face pale and her eyes filled with an emotion that I couldn’t quite read.


    “E, 1-”


    “And I’ve got a club sandwich for the youngdy, and m chowder for you, ma’am…”


    The waiter’s arrival cut off whatever Lilith was about to say. But when he was gone, and I asked what she was going to tell me, she just waved her hand and said she couldn’t remember. I took it as a sign that I had exhausted the conversation, and whatever else she had to say, she would do so in her own time.


    After that, we spent the next half hour talking about lighter things–the shops we’d visited, ns for the uing week, anything to give us both a chance to recover from the heavy conversation.


    1 was halfway through my meal when our waiter approached with a cocktail on his tray.


    “Excuse me, miss,” he said, setting the drink in front of me. “This is from the gentleman at the bar.”


    I looked over and saw a man sitting alone, raising his own ss in my direction. He looked to be in his thirties, reasonably attractive, with dark hair and a friendly, close–lipped smile.


    My first instinct was to refuse. I was married, after all, even if it was a sham of a marriage. And I didn’t make a habit of epting drinks from strangers.


    But then I thought about everything that had been happeningtely. I was dying, potentially even faster


    <b>Gay</b><b>, </b>20 Aug


    3


    ?


    60%1


    than I initially expected, at twenty–fucking–two years of age, and I’d spent thest five years of my life living like a nun, following all the rules, being the perfect Luna wife while my husband ignored mepletely.


    How many normal experiences had I missed because I was so focused on being proper? How many simple pleasures had I denied myself?


    epting a drink from a handsome stranger was something most women my age had experienced at least once. It was a small thrill, a tiny rebellion, a moment of feeling desired by someone who wasn’t obligated to pretend to want me for political reasons.


    I was probably going to be dead in a few months anyway. What was the harm in experiencing one normal thing?


    “Thank you,” I told the waiter, picking up the ss. It looked like some kind of fruity cocktail, pink and sweet–looking. I raised it toward the man at the bar and smiled.


    He smiled back and nodded, then returned to his drink.


    “E,” Lilith said, “are you sure that’s a good idea?”


    “It’s just a drink,” Iughed. “I’m not going to run away with him or anything. I just… I want to know what it feels like. To be a normal woman for five minutes.”


    Lilith looked at me for a moment, but nodded, seeming to understand.


    The drink was delicious–sweet and fruity with just enough alcohol to make it interesting. I sipped it slowly while we finished our dinner, feeling slightly more rxed with each taste.


    “Excuse me,” Lilith said, standing up at one point. “I need to use thedies‘ room. I’ll be right back.”


    “Take your time,” I said, taking another sip of my drink.


    Alone at the table, I found myself people–watching through the window. Couples walking hand in hand, friendsughing together, families heading home from dinner. Normal people living normal lives.


    took another sip of my cocktail, and then I noticed something was… wrong.


    My head felt fuzzy. Not tipsy, but… Heavier. Like my thoughts were moving through msses.


    I blinked hard, trying to clear my vision, but everything seemed slightly out of focus. The sounds around me


    were muffled, like I was underwater.


    Panic started to set in as I sat there, too sluggish to move. Something was definitely wrong with me. Was I having another episode? Was my condition getting worse?


    Before I could get up, a shadow fell across the table. I looked up to see the man from the bar looming over me, grinning down at me with rotten teeth.


    11:35 Sat, 23 Aug t