Evie


    When Evie entered her and Lyssa’s chambers that night, she was struck by a scene that appeared plucked from her own memories.


    Her mother was in the corner of the room with Lyssa, pointing out the window. “There, sitting right on the top of that roof.” She had one arm around Lyssa and sat with her casually, the two of them the perfect portrait of mother and daughter.


    And Evie felt a stab of envy so strong, she sucked in a breath against the rush of it.


    Don’t covet opportunities for Lyssa that you never got, Evie!


    Even if it hurt.


    “What are you two doing?” Evie asked, lightening her voice so it wasn’t weighed with the force of a deep-seated bitterness. She was sessful.


    Nura smiled at Evie, patting the cushion of the window seat beside her. “Come see, hasibsi. Blue butterflies, two of them! Do you remember how we used to watch them together on the flower bush your father nted?”


    Evie did remember. She also remembered that often, before those sweet moments, her mother would have spent weeks buried deep in one of her depressive episodes. Evie had watched those butterflies then with a sick worry that one wrong move would force her mother back into another sadness.


    Her words just now had to be so careful. Happy. Upbeat.


    Make it easier for Mama, Evie.


    It had been her firstmand to herself.


    Tucking her hair behind her ears, Evie moved to the washbowl in the corner of the room and sshed cold water on her face. When she dabbed a towel across her cheeks, she found her mother frowning at her. “Are you all right, Evie? Is there something I can help you with? The magical specialist won’t be here for another hour.”


    Evie shook her head so fast she thought it might fly off her neck and clear out the window. “No, Mama.” Becky had hired a full-time magical specialist to work with Evie’s mother daily to ensure she could control and maintain her magic. “Please just focus on getting better and taking care of yourself.”


    Nura smiled and glided across the room with an elegance that Evie had tried to emte every day of her childhood. Sheid a soft, golden-brown hand against Evie’s cheek, her beautiful brown eyes lined with kohl that made them appear deeper. “You are a wonder, sweet girl.”


    Evie forced another smile, and Lyssa frowned, scrambling off the seat and running toward Evie, taking one of Evie’s hands in hers. “What about me? I don’t need to rest. Can I help you?”


    The smile on Evie’s face turned true as she leaned down and tugged one of her sister’s braids. “Lyssa, can you grab me those notes that were left for you to go meet Papa in his cell?”


    The words had barely left Evie’s mouth before her sister skittered across the floor, her socked feet causing a half run, half slide along the wood to one of the dressers. “Here!” Lyssa said triumphantly, running toward Evie and waving them in the air. “Did you figure out who wrote them?”


    Evie gripped the papers and looked at the handful of scrawled words, unfamiliar as any she’d seen. “Not yet, love, but I think we’re getting close.”


    Nura squeezed Evie’s arm, and she didn’t have time to brace for it; she winced away from her mother’s touch. Shit. The hurt in her mother’s eyes was in as she pulled her hand back to her side, looking at the floor. “I know that I—I haven’t done much to earn your trust, but I’d like to help carry some of your burden, Evangelina. I want to make things easier for you in any way I can.”


    No. No, she couldn’t deal with this now. Evie simply did not have the time to dredge up everything darkening her beliefs, one painful thought at a time. “That’s, um…very kind of you to offer, Mama.” She smiled as brightly as she could manage, and it made her stomach feel sick.


    Stop faking it for other people. No one is asking you to. What is wrong?


    Trystan’s direct analysis of her charactermanded her attention as if he was presently speaking the words into her ear. He would tell her to stand up for herself, and why shouldn’t she? Everything she’d ever feared came true, even when she was careful. She was sick of being careful, sick of being scared. It felt well past time for her to embrace simple, reckless courage.


    “Lyssa, why don’t you go up to the kitchen to check on Edwin?”


    Lyssa’s shoulders dropped. “You’re trying to get me to leave, aren’t you?”


    “Well…yes,” Evie admitted, not having it in her to lie. “But I would like you to check on Edwin. He’s been down today, and I know a visit from you would lift his spirits. That part is true.”


    Lyssa looked between her mother and Evie, waving Evie down to whisper something in her ear. “I love you.” Her little sister squeezed her hand, looking far too wise for a ten-year-old, then skipped out the door.


    And then they were alone. Evie and Nura. It had never been just the two of them, not truly, since they’d reunited, and the silence might as well have been exchanged for Evie’s screams of frustration. Must she lead them through this?


    A horrible thought filled her with guilt. Her brother and mother had returned to her life. There was a time when she would’ve given anything for that to be her reality. For her family to be whole again.


    But she’d been romanticizing it, romanticizing them. She’d stared at their empty chairs at the kitchen table over thest ten years, missing them, trying to remember them. She’d daydreamed of them both returning miraculously one day, hoping that it had all been a mistake and they would never leave her again. It had never urred to her, in all those daydreams, that if they did return, nothing would have changed.


    Everything still fell to her. She was still the glue that held their fragile rtionships together—and she was so tired of it.


    And then her mother spoke. “Talk to me, Evie. Let us be truthful. You are a young woman now and should speak your mind ordingly.” Her mother was attempting kindness, tossing Evie a life raft, though it was far toote.


    She’d needed that life raft ten years ago. “I am fearful that if I say what I’d like to say, you will not take it well.”


    Nura frowned. “You are my daughter. I am your mother. It’s not your responsibility to make things more ptable for me. I am a grown woman, too, and I can handle whatever it is you have to say.”


    Evie stumbled backward like her mother had struck her, tears burning her eyes, her mouth pulled into a frown. “No. You can’t.” The tears fell, but she wasn’t sad; she was so frustrated she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. “You never could. I had to tiptoe my way through childhood for fear of upsetting you, and now I try to move through the world without making a sound.” She was speaking in metaphors, of course. Evie made plenty of sounds, all of them loud.


    Nura licked her lips, trying to keep the serene look on her face. “I didn’t realize you felt that way. That you’d felt the need to hide things from me.”


    “Because I made sure you didn’t know,” Evie said, swiping angrily at the tears running down her cheeks in an endless flow. “I made sure that I was always pleasant because I couldn’t bear to add to your burdens or to Papa’s. Do you know how silly that makes me feel now? How awful it is to sacrifice integral pieces of myself for others and they don’t even care enough to notice?”


    Nura’s hand flew to her mouth, and a choked gasp came from behind it. “Evie, sweetheart.” Her mother’s tears fell now, too, her skin beginning to glow the white silver of her starlight magic. She took a calming breath. “Yes, of course I know how that feels. I’ve done it, too. I used to do it all the time,” she added. “When I thought I had killed my child.” Her skin glowed brighter. “I couldn’t be around you or Lyssa. When I finally grasped what I’d done, I thought you would be better in your father’s care.”


    The pain on her mother’s face was now brightened by hatred. “I can’t express what a horrific mistake I made with that assumption. When I realized that the king was after me and my magic, I thought it best to stay on the run and keep you girls safe.”


    “But you left those clues behind for me?” Evie’s hands were shaking at her sides. She tried to settle them as she moved around her mother and sat on therge four-poster bed. “Why, if you really believed that?”


    Nura sat next to her, keeping afortable distance between them. A habit of hers, Evie thought. “I missed you so terribly. Your innocent questions, your quick mind, your big imagination.” She looked Evie right in the eye. “Your sweet smile. I thought that you might one daye to forgive me, and if you did evere looking, I wanted you and only you to be able to find me. So, I left clues I knew only you would understand.”


    Evie brought her hands up to rub her eyes—they were dry, now, and tired. She slouched as if she’d just dropped arge weight. “I am happy that Lyssa has been giving you a chance. That you’re showing her blue butterflies and trying to start anew with her. I’m happy you’re healing from every person who betrayed you. My father, the king, Renna. But—” She crossed both hands over her chest, attempting to protect herself. “I’m so angry sometimes, I look at you and I want to break things. I’m so angry you left. I know you’ve suffered, and I’m sorry for that, but I am your daughter, and I suffered, too.”


    Nura’s glow was now so bright it hurt to look at her. “Of course. I understand.”


    Evie was firm. “No. You don’t.” She reached for her mother’s hand, ignoring the stinging burn of the starlight. “My girlhood was stolen from me.” She couldn’t believe she was admitting this, that she was brave enough to look her mother in the eyes and say, “And though you were not the thief, you did not do anything to stop it from happening. So…I need time.” She stood on shaky legs, grabbing Lyssa’s notes and striding toward the door.


    “Evie, wait. I understand what you’re saying, but please, let’s not leave it like this.”


    Her dagger tingled against her leg, and her shoulder glowed that rainbow-like blend of colors. The de was in her hand as she turned, catching her mother’s flying magic against the steel, reflecting the beam away harmlessly. Nura looked horrified, her hands going to her mouth at the ident.


    But Evie’s false smile was gone, reced with a sad shake of her head and a grimace. “The specialist will be here soon. She can assist you with that. We can revisit this another time.”


    She closed the door behind her and immediately mmed into a solid chest,rge handsing up around her arms to steady her. There was no need for her to look. She knew exactly who it was.


    And before she could blink, her boss was tugging her into a dark linen closet.