SUMMER 2010


    Camp Lejeune, North CarolinaBLINK.“Jennings,” I answer my cell, rolling my neck due to the fatigue of mytest workout, one hand on the wheel as I pull to a stoplight.“Turn around.”“Pardon?” I ask, pulling the phone away from my ear and gaining no clue who’s calling, only the time ticking on the otherwise nk screen. The hair rises on the back of my neck as recognition kicks in on who it might be.“You just left base,” he clips, “turn around.”“And?”“Meet me in the parking lot of the Waffle House. ck F-150.”“And you are?”“The guy you asked to speak to.”The line goes dead as I search for and find a way to make a quick U-turn. I have five minutes at most to cement a decision that will alter the course of my life. In a way that only a select few have. I make my decision in less than a minute after forcing thoughts of her away from being a reason to move forward. Shifting my mindset on what lies ahead, I scramble to dial his new burner number.“Good to hear from you, Sergeant Jennings,” Tobias greets with pride on the second ring.“Hey, T.” I swallow and swallow again, rare emotion clogging my throat. The reason being that this might be thest time we ever speak. He senses my struggle immediately with hesitation on the line, and I beat his inquiry to the punch. “Just want to let you know I’ll be dyeding home.”A short but loaded silence ensues. “By how long?”“There’s a chance I won’t be home this Christmas or next,” I ry, wiping the summer heat from my forehead.“Fuck,” Tobias exhales, knowing precisely what I’m telling him. We’ve discussed this possibility in detail, but I can sense his own emotion surfacing as the reality and implications set in. “Christ, brother. You don’t know how to fail, do you?”“I made it happen.”“And this is truly what you want?” he prompts.A future I can’t have flits before my eyes. Our hands sped as we walk along rows of apple trees, talking for hours before swaying in a hammock for two. Eyes meeting across a fire as we exchange long nces, peace in our hearts. Making love to her in the tall mixed grasses surrounding the pond. The two of us perched on the hillside with her nestled in my arms, watching endless sunsets as the seasons change. I don’t want that life without her. I can’t picture it without her, and so I don’t want to fucking bother attempting to live it.I press those illusions down, down, down, into a faraway, unreachable ce until the sting starts to dissipate.It’s over. Has to be over.Needs to fucking be over. Especially after four long years without a word between us. A disconnect that has starved my dream to the point that it’s already starting to fade along with what youth remains in my heart. And as soon as I hit that parking lot, I’ll technically be over. Voluntarily ceasing to exist for as long as I decide to.Tyler Carter Jennings’s wants and needs will be useless. With this one move, I’ll be both a vessel of protection and revenge—for my brothers, for my father, and for my country.“My decision is made,” I finally speak, “and I hope it makes my family proud.” The implication is clear on which family I’m referring to.“Your family could not be more fucking proud,” Tobias deres in a pained tone, “and will be waiting anxiously for your return.”“Where are you?” I ask, fighting thest of my starving hope.“I’m home.”He’s there, and possibly with her. With onest mile between me and my future, I briefly wonder if Delphine’s nearby. If they’re sitting at her kitchen table or outside on the porch. If she can hear my voice. If she wants to hear it. I stall a beat before speaking precious words I don’t have enough time to thoughtfully put together.“Tell my brothers . . . my family, in the off chance I don’t make it back anytime soon,” or ever. Emotion clogs my throat as he waits patiently before I finally get them out. “That whatever happens, it was worth it for me. Okay?”“I will. Take care, brother. Come home when you can . . . and Tyler?”“Yeah?”“I need you toe home,” Tobias whispers roughly. Another pause. “We all do.”She’s there, and maybe she’s listening, but I tamp down the idea his words were in any way specific to her. His order isn’t hers. She made her decision, and I’m living it. Making peace as I pull into the parking lot, I swallow down the fact that even if Tobias’s request included her, it’s not enough.“Fuck,” he exhales, “all I can see right now is thatnky kid mowing mywn,” he croaks hoarsely. When I let out a chuckle at that, and he doesn’t, the mutual sting increases over the line.“Come back to us,” he finally says, “that is a fucking order.”“Love you too, brother.”Neither of us hangs up, holding onto the seconds we have left as they start to tick out.I told him that if I got the call, I would have to keep my distance from the club indefinitely to ensure my new bosses don’t pick up on my extracurricrs. This means my involvement in the club ceases entirely until I’m sure I’m not being watched outside of it. We never told Sean or Dom that I would be seeking this invitation because of the likelihood it wouldn’te. But now that it’s here, the surreal reality is that in doing this, living this decision means there will be stints, some of them long, where I lose all ties and ability to protect her, protect them all.When the line finally goes dead, I exhale a long breath. As of this moment, and for the foreseeable future, I’mpletely on my own.Here we fucking go.* * *FALL 2011


    Syrian Border


    Thirteen Months LaterBLINK.Scanning the terrain in the pitch dark with night vision, my inkling pays off the second I spot the first few of multiple, heavily armed bodies creeping in our direction. Snapping to as my adrenaline ramps up, I address everyone on the wire. “Eyes! Wake up! We’ve gotpany.”Shultz and Ramirez, both from my branch along with Stuart, are the first to respond, their surprise sounding over the line. Just as I thought and voiced, we fucked up by stopping for the night to get a few needed hours of shut-eye. The majority won against my protests to put more distance between ourselves and the aftermath we left hours ago. Outvoted, I positioned us on the defensive, opting to keep watch while feeling ill at ease the entire time. It’s a fine line between trying to stay sharp while sleep-deprived, no matter how well-trained we are. This has been our longest stint so far in the field due to difficulties in initially reaching our target, and our tanks are running dangerously low.Armstrong, a seasoned Army Ranger, crawls over to me, reaching me in seconds, his goggles lifted as he sounds out his count. “We’ve got twenty, fuck, twenty-threeing straight for us, two with fucking RPGs in hand. Stuart!” Armstrong summons.Positioned a half click ahead and to our right with several of our able bodies at his disposal, Stuart clips out his own count. “We’re made. We’re fucking made, my count is the same. Two clicks and closing.”“Then it’s a fair fight,” I bark over the line, “don’t give me that defeated tone, Stuart, and don’t forget who we fucking are. You’ll just have to get your beauty restter.”Armstrong shoots me a blinding white grin that would be visible without night goggles. He’s been my favorite to work with so far out of the teams built in my time with the Global Response Staff. Stuart, whom I met days ago when wended for this mission, is fast bing my least. It’s clear that during his short stint here he’s realized he was better off taking security detail and escort jobs for US diplomats rather than participating in field missions. As far as I’m concerned, he’s dead weight. But as team leader, Stuart’s fate is in my hands, as well as the others currently unounted for to our left.“Hey assholes, wake up, or are you too busy bouncing beach balls on your noses?” I bark over the line.“Fuck you, Jennings, we’ve got the same count on both sides.” McCormick ps back, a highly decorated Navy Seal who came into the mission wheels hot a mere nine hours ago. Company I’m thankful for because he doesn’t fucking miss once he’s got a target in his crosshairs. Ever.“What’s your position?” I ask.“Where you put us three hours ago, dick. Two clicks and closing,” he rings out in reminder.“By my count, that’s six sexy Seals, two romp-ready Rangers, and at least three well-endowed Marines—sorry, Stuart,” Armstrong quips. “And I’m going to have to agree with Jennings. I happen to like our fucking odds,” he says, lifting his rifle to keep his scope on our approachingpany.“Fuck you, Armstrong. Jennings?” Stuart prompts, his panic evident.“Clear the line,” I snap. “I’m thinking.”“Mind speeding that up a bit?” Shultz clips before McCormick sounds up.“We’ve got a sniper joining the party.”“That means we did our job,” I p back. “You have him?”“Yep,” McCormick fires back, and I know he’s curling his finger on the trigger with his spoken threat already in his crosshairs.“Thompson, you getting this? We’re going to need some love from above.”“Roger,” home confirms over the line. “I’ve got your position. I need ten minutes.”Fuck.“Might want to make haste and do better or prepare yourself to exin the high count of body bags of America’s finest to the boss.”“On it,” Thompson replies tersely, seemingly unaffected, though I know he’s in a panic.“Being hunted is apliment, boys,” I dere, “they don’t like that we silenced their boss and shorted their paychecks. When the first ping flies, fucking peel it and get to high ground if you can. We’ll send messengers with goodie bags wherever yound.”Our odds are jacked, but I press past any threatening panic and spend precious seconds deep breathing to clear my headspace instead. Pulse steady in my ears, I hear her speaking to me as if she were standing beside me in the dirt, whispering into my ear. Once armed with an idea, I push off the rock wall we were camping against and nce over to Armstrong, who gives me a lift of his chin.“I know that look,” Armstong says, his grin amping, “and I love it.”“Shall we make them think twice about paying uspliments?” I ask.“Fuck yeah,” Armstrong counters before I address everyone over the wire.“Home, hold off, but leave the lights on. I have an idea.”BLINK. <span>BLACK.* * *SPRING 2012


    NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK


    Six monthsterBLINK.“Jennings,” Phillip barks, summoning me from the ck stic bucket chair I’ve been waiting in while watching the goings-on of the shipping warehouse. Rolling my neck, I stand and stretch a little before following him into a shoebox-sized office. Though fatigued, I don’t bother taking a seat as he opens a file I’m intimately familiar with.Phillip, who I gauge is somewhere in his mid-forties, wipes his nose with a fresh Kleenex—one he always seems to keep on hand. Some of his ruddyplexion no doubt due to his raging allergies. An affliction I suspect, along with his sickly, fragile build, that has kept him from being an active participant in any field work. A prime example of those that can’t do—teaching, or in Phillip’s case, doling out missions. Orders already passed and carried out as he sifts through the details of a dozen or more in the file on his desk. All of which Ipleted after I was unlisted as a Marine and joined the Global Response Staff, AKA the GRS.A thankless job with high pay but zero credit, which I give fuck all about. A job that includes missions unlikely to earn an exnation letter postmarked to my family if one goes awry. High-risk orders that are tasked to a select few by the CIA, which include diplomatic tape blind expeditions. Expeditions carried out by the world’s most finely tuned and experienced vets for the best interest of our country.By joining the GRS, I gained the ability to decipher and validate the nature of such missions, furthering my investigation of the military to the next level. All the while honing my skills in the field. It’s the deal I made in the parking lot after serving my listed four years, which led me to the handler sitting at the desk opposite me. “Phillip,” nost name ever mentioned, had recruited me for himself and, for the most part, has been my task master in doling out said missions. Over thest neen months, our rapport has mostly been filled with mutual respect along with a brewing friendship.“What you’ve aplished at this point,” Phillip utters, ncing up from my file, “is beyond myprehension.”I muster a nod because exhaustion is finally taking hold. Thest of my adrenaline was spent getting out of a sticky situation in the African desert that we were extracted from eighteen hours ago before being flown back to the States.In thest neen months, I’vee close to depleting myself and my reserves, taking sessive missions in lieu of going back to Triple Falls. My reasoning for that is entirely selfish. No home, no future. No reason other than the club, and it’s thriving without me. With the army that I put together during my listed time and Dom in school, things have run smoothly since. It’s as if I nted roots, and they’re sprouting deep and wide on their own.Phillip scrutinizes me carefully from where he sits, seeming to have aged some since ourst face-to-face—a little grayer at his temples. Judging from ourst few phone calls, he’s grown a lot less patient. Though, he always seems to muster some for me during our conversations, making it clear that I’ve earned his respect.“There’s no fucking way you should have survived two of these. I’m thinking you’re aware of which?”I bite my lip and nod.“You’re cutting it close, Jennings. Any particr reason why you haven’t sipped an umbre drink or taken any leave since you started?”“I’m ambitious.”“Or suicidal,” he counters, scouring my person.“Frankly, sir, if I wanted that fate, we wouldn’t be talking.”He opens the file and points to a mission name that I nce at—Adobe. “How in the fuck did you get out of this?”“You want a y-by-y?” I ask with zero condescension in my tone.“Actually, I would,” he replies, brows drawing further into a V, which I consider apliment, knowing the intrinsic, highlyplicated nature of the orders he doles out to the others in the GRS. “Have a seat.”I toss my ball cap on the edge of his desk and take the offered chair as I scan our surroundings. Though my interest is bing piqued, I know better than to question why he’s chosen a temporary office in a shipping warehouse in downtown New York. Much like my own club, theirs is just as tight-lipped in providing answers.“The long and the short of it is,” I start, and damn nearugh at my exnation, “have you ever heard of Anvil and Hammer?”“Get the fuck out of here,” he says, scrutinizing the paper in front of him.“With twenty-fouring in arrogant and overconfident, I already had our teams split into right and left nk positions to crowd them. So, we let them gain some ground before cutting their number in half and rushing them before we dropped it.”“Jesus Christ, Jennings.” He gapes at me. “Are you fucking telling me you used a tactic from before Christ to survive this?”I shrug. “Worked for Alexander the Great.”“How in the fuck did you think of that?”A French mastermind. One I’m getting more desperate to thank personally after eachpleted mission. It takes me a few seconds to answer, but I manage to get through his extensive questions while leaving said mastermind out of it. I want to tell her myself. Some day. Maybe a day in the near future because the more missions I carry out, the more it bes obvious that she’s owed, at the very least, a thank you.“Look,” he finally says, “as helpful as you’ve been, we’re starting to close shops all over due to the increasing risk. At this point, we have a growing need to utilize minds just like yours in station.”I blink at his suggestion. “You mean re-enlist?”“Reserves, but with a specific job in mind. I can guarantee your time card will be punched for the stint you’ve put in with me, and”—he pauses for emphasis—“it will count, Jennings. You’ll go in high on the scoreboard as gunnery sergeant with the deserved pay increase.”Home. He wants to send me home. Or at least, back to—“North Carolina?” I ask.“Greensboro. Any objections to that? You will work with outside intelligence via satellite while attending to your responsibilities on base. In addition, your reserve contract will be drawn up on your terms.”Home. Or closer to home, and after months of minimum contact, I have no idea what’s happening there. Even between jobs, I’ve rarely checked in with Mom. Mostly to keep hard-wired in my missions in lieu of what’s happening, which would only distract me. Now I have that chance. The thought of seeing it through—of going home—has my pulse pounding. For one reason alone—to thank her and selfishlyy eyes on her.It’s as I stare back at Phillip, his offer lingering in the air, I realize I’ve done all I need to. I’ve been postponing the inevitable. I’ve done my service and beyond. I can quit now, walk away, and consider my time well spent, or take him up on his offer and again exceed my own expectations with a higher clearance to finish my investigation. It’s too good to pass up.“Before you make your decision,” Phillip interjects with caution, “I’m going to add the caveat of a favor. One of a more personal nature.”“Of course you are.” I blow out a long breath.“You’ll get to cherry-pick your team. But if you carry this out for me—sessfully—I will owe you.”“Owe me what?”“A significant favor. No questions asked. If it’s within my power, I will get it done, and as you’re aware, there’s very little I can deny you.”“Make it two favors,” I say, “no questions asked. And I need a little desk help on something I’ve been working on that has nothing to do with either significant favor you’ll owe me.”I give him a pointed look. In return, I’m granted his unimpressed stare. “Quite the barterer.”“That’s what my father tells me.”“Done,” he says.“I’ve got my own caveat,” I add.“Of course you do,” he replies, his smirk growing.I nod toward his desk. “You destroy that file, and anything else with my name attached, the second Iplete thisst mission.”“That’s not even necessary,” he states, “you know we protect our—”“Sure you do, but it’s necessary for me. Not a trace, Phillip.”Gazes locked because our rtionship just shifted, a pregnant pause ensues before he finally speaks.“Understood.”I nod. “Where am I going?”His dimming expression tells me all I need to know.BLINK.Armstrong’s eyes start to ze over from where heys propped in myp as the medics’ glove-covered, syed palms hover over him for a few weighted seconds. Shoulders inching down in defeat, he finally withdraws, sitting back and giving me a grim nod, the verdict clear in his eyes. I subtly nod back just as the chopper shifts direction, putting more safe space between us and our extraction point.“Tell me something . . . Jennings,” Armstrong rasps out as dawn begins to light the skies, the steady thwomp, thwomp, thwomp of the hawk’s des muting his words before I lean in to catch everyst one. The truth of that has the sting increasing in my chest.“What’s that?”“Where do you go?” he asks as I stretch my upper half a little further to fully meet his eyes.“This is what you want to talk about right now?” I ask, our hands fisted together atop his chest, several safe inches above the mortal shot he took to the gut.“Yeah . . . seven missions together, and I never could bring myself to ask, but I want to know.” He coughs. Hearing the telling rattle inside it, I curse the fact that I couldn’t get to him while guilt starts to set in.“Eight,” I correct. “Stop talking, save your strength. You’ve got a lot of recovery ahead of you.”“The only ce I’m go-ing today, brother, is h-heaven,” he wheezes, and I hesitate briefly before nodding in resignation. Armstrong’s always been an unapologetic man of faith, kissing his dog tags and praying before our boots touch the ground. We’ve spent many idle hours in wait perched together in varying terrain, at times talking about all things religion, philosophy, and the world. Sharing beers after hellish days and endless close calls. The truth of how close we’ve be hits hard, along with a painful wave of awareness that I’m the reason he’s speaking hisst words—taking hisst breaths. Because I’m the one who summoned him for this mission.“Do you have any messages for me?” I ask.“When you love the people in your life the way you’re supposed to, no messages are necessary.”“As if you’re such a saint.” I wink. “Smug bastard.”“Smug bastard I may be, but I rest easy knowing I did right by them. They know,” he wheezes again. “Fuck.”“I’m sorry, man.” I grip his hand tightly. “Please try to hold on.”“Hell no, I’m running to that better ce. You all can have this one,” he coughs again, and I can tell he’s fading. He has a minute at most. “Tell me, brother,” he prompts, “where do you go?”I stare down at him as he gives me his ‘no bullshit’ return stare and says as much. “You know what the hell I’m asking. You look, move, and dole out orders like you, but you aren’t really there. It’s in your eyes. They’re like a wall of metal when you check out.”I furrow my brows, ufortable with the question, as he squeezes my hand, a sign that he’s running out of time and wants the answer. Staring down at him, I try to muster a way to describe my mentality when I blink to ck.“It’s more like checking in while detaching from all emotional decision-making.” I concentrate hard on what sticks out most. “Keeping the notion of right or wrong while dialing in on the most basic survival instincts toplete the mission by any means necessary.” It’s a state of rity that’s nearly impossible to describe, but for my friend, I try. “I be hyperaware of sight and sound. All of my senses magnify tenfold, as well as my adrenaline.”“You moved like fucking lightning to try and get to me . . . I saw it.”“Not fast enough,” I grit out, the apology evident in my voice.“Don’t take this on yourself,” he orders adamantly, his blood-coated lips lifting, his whispers bing forced and less audible. “I know you have a crush on me.”“Fuck, and I tried so hard to hide it,” I reply, as a burn starts to take hold in ce of the sting.“Every man . . .” he struggles, “in this fucking bird knows you just saved them. Whether they thank you or not.” Feeling their eyes on me, I shake my head as Armstrong grips my hand harder,manding my attention. “I’m d it’s you with me,” he whispers as the hellfire sets in.“Me too,” I reply, the selfish urge to blink out the momenting on strong, but I bat it away because he deserves my presence, and I need to feel it.“. . . See you, brother,” he utters brokenly, his arms seizing involuntarily for a few seconds at his sides before his body rxes. I keep my grip tight as the sun invades the chopper’s interior, lighting up his face.“See you,” I utter, gripping his hand harder just as he releases mine.